Welcome to Episode 34 of the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast.

Wow, 34 episodes.

I am super proud that we have reached this point in the pod-cast’s lifespan.

Recently I have decided to kind of get away from the one episode per day format and go to a one episode per week format. My theory is that you guys get more out of a really high quality, in-depth podcast episode.

After all, one of the things that sets me apart is the fact that I go into much more detail than my counterparts.

Well, today we are going to turn our attention to rebound relationships.

We are going to hear from “Anonymous” who believes,

  • That she was the rebound
  • She dated her ex for 5 months
  • When he broke up with her he went back to his ex of 3-5 years
  • Wonders what kind of chance she has

Lets take a look at what was covered in this episode,

What I Talked About In This Episode

  • The three main factors I look at to determine a rebound relationship
  • The Grass Is Greener Syndrome (GIGS)
  • The two choices anonymous has
  • How to get him back if she chooses to do so

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Important Links Mentioned In This Episode

What You Have Going In Your Favor If YOU Are A Rebound

Below I have compiled a quick list of what you have working in your favor if you determine that you were a rebound to your ex boyfriend.

Oh, and there really isn’t a game plan in this particular episode so I am doing this instead.

Sorry if you wanted a game plan the next episode will probably have one.

He Broke Up With His Ex For A Reason

Anonymous’ ex went back to his ex.

Well, the two of them broke up for a reason and history does like to repeat itself.

Besides…

Most People Don’t Have The Right Mindset Going Into A Relationship With Their Ex

The statement above pretty much says it all.

When most exes get back together they expect things to be better but the problems of the past are still there and both members of the relationship have to find a way to navigate them.

Speaking of past problems…

Past Resentment

Lets say that anonymous’ ex was cheated on by his ex.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Well, if he gets back with his ex then that resentment is still going to be there.

This can cause problems in their relationship.

Podcast Transcript

Welcome to Episode 34 of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. It’s been a little while since I’ve done one of these. I may have bitten off more than I could chew with my initial plans to do three of these a week. I’ve downgraded it to one a week. But I’ve decided that every single episode is going to be longer and more in depth. The person whose question I answer will get the attention that they deserve.

On that note, my wife and I have been throwing this idea around for a little while. We are pretty keen of the idea of doing some coaching on the website. We want to take on something like 15 to 30 clients where the clients pay a monthly fee for our services. We would create a tailor made game plan for their situation. We guarantee email response every 24 hours to any question they have. We answer every question they could have in depth.

In addition to that, we’re also thinking about bundling all of the ebook offerings. One of the reasons I’m so busy lately is that I’m starting to create more products for the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery brand. I just finished a product on the un-gettable girl, and how to become the un-gettable girl. It’s about how to become more attractive to any man in just two weeks.

It’s a two-week training course through email. Every day, the training advances. You start off with the simplest parts of the training. As time goes on, things get more and more advanced. I just finished that up. I’m going to be offering it for $7. It’s very affordable. I’m hoping a lot of people jump on the opportunity to buy that. I will give you more information when that comes out.

There is still more to come in the pipeline. I also have plans to create what I’m going to call a texting bible. Imagine that you are trying to get your ex-boyfriend back and you’re in the middle of texting him. You are in the texting phase of the re-attraction process. You’re really struggling on what to send.

This is probably one of the most asked about questions that I get on the website. Women will ask, “Chris, what should I send in this specific situation? What can I say? How should I end the conversation?” I’ve decided to put a lot of time and effort into creating a texting bible. It’s a reference guide that you can turn to.

You can say, “In a situation where I’m trying to build attraction to an ex, these are the perfect text messages for that. In the event that he gives me some push back, these are the text messages for that.”

Any kind of texting situation you can think of, I’m trying to create a book to guide you on how to deal with all of those. It should have something like 300 to 500 text messages in there. It will be in depth and explained. It’s going to be quite a challenging process but I think I’m going to start doing that.

There is a lot of stuff going on. I’m in the middle of redoing the Sarah versus Kai case study. I’m making it more in depth and helpful for you. I want the free case study to be highly valued. That’s information that you usually have to pay for.

On the cusp of all of that, I think I’m going to be doing this coaching idea, where I take on a specific number of clients and tailor make a game plan for them. I give them the coaching that they deserve for a monthly fee. I’m not going to say that it will be the cheapest fee in the world because my time is very valuable. It will not be something like $500 a month.

I have an idea of my time value. I think a lot of people are going to jump on this opportunity so I’m a little bit frightened to do it. I’m afraid that there won’t be enough spots and I won’t have enough time to do it. I’m capping it around 15 to 30. That’s what’s been in the pipeline for Ex-Boyfriend Recovery. If you’re an avid fan or listener of this podcast, be excited.

This year is a really huge year for growth. We released a podcast this year, redid the ebook, redid the website and we’re creating more products. We have plans to increase our social presence across the world. There’s a lot changing with the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery brand.

In addition to that, I’m still trying to create content and be the same old me, the same guy who writes these 7,000 to 8,000 word guides on how to get your ex back in this or that situation. I’m really busting my butt to try and help you out. I do want to apologize for not recording these podcasts as much as I should but that’s my lame excuse.

Let’s get to today’s question. The person who asked today’s question didn’t give a name. We’re going to call her Anonymous. Her question is rather short but I’m going to expand a lot on it because it deals with an interesting topic. That topic is rebound relationships.

Let’s hear from Anonymous now:

“What if I was the rebound girl? What if you find out later that you dated for five months, he breaks up with you and gets back with his girlfriend that he dated for three to four years? I never asked him how long it’s been since they had dated. I just assumed it was a length of time. What if I’m the rebound girl?”

First, let’s recap. She’s asking about rebound relationships. She wondering, what if she was the rebound? She dated her ex-boyfriend for five months. We’ll round up to half a year. She says that he got back with his ex of three to five years. On the one hand, we have Anonymous who dated her ex-boyfriend for five months. On the other hand, her ex-boyfriend dated this other girl for three to five years. It seems like Anonymous doesn’t quite know the time frame of his relationship. Let’s split the difference and say that they dated for four years.

Her question was general about being the rebound girl. I’m going to answer the best I can. I don’t know the goal she is trying to accomplish. Let’s make a goal for her here. What should she do? Should she try to get him back or move on? That’s the goal.

Let’s start first by talking about rebound relationships. Rebound relationships are an interesting thing. A lot of people have different theories on them. I subscribe to the theory that there are three things you need to look at to determine if your ex-boyfriend is in a rebound relationship or if you were a rebound to your ex-boyfriend.

The first thing is how long you dated your ex-boyfriend. Right now, we’re focusing on Anonymous’ situation. We’re trying to figure out if she was rebound. She said she dated her ex-boyfriend for five months. That’s a decent amount of time. But it is not sufficient enough to not be a rebound.

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I would say anything over a year or close to a year is bordering on not being a rebound. Five or six months is usually in that section where a rebound relationship is still possible. A lot of times, when men date women who are rebounds, they don’t necessarily want to just break up with them right away. There are some advantages that they get when having a rebound woman.

It’s an interesting dynamic. Deep down, women understand or know subconsciously that they are a rebound to this guy. The way they usually figure that out is the way they are being treated by him. One of the things that I’m always talking about on Ex-Boyfriend Recovery is the importance of making a man chase you. It also works for women, too. If a man is not getting you attention and you’re wondering why, wondering why you’re not being treated the way that you think you can be treated, what does the normal woman do?

The normal woman is going to start chasing her boyfriend to get that attention. This creates a dynamic where, instead of him chasing her, she’s chasing him and always wanting his affection. Men, being the way they are, love attention. They love affection. They love feeling like they are the greatest thing walking God’s green earth.

A rebound gives that to him. A rebound prevents him from thinking about his past relationship. He thinks he’s awesome due to his current girlfriend, even though he’s potentially using his current girlfriend on an emotional level.

Let’s get to the physical benefits of a man being in a rebound relationship. Often, women who don’t feel this intense need from the men try to overcome by having sex with the guy. They think in their minds, “If I sleep with the guy, he’s bound to have feelings.” Women attach a certain stigma to sex.

They attach a certain emotional connection to it. That’s fine. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s just that, a guy who is in a rebound relationship probably isn’t going to attach that same emotional stigma to it. He’s probably going to enjoy it very much but it’s not necessarily going to be enough for him to commit.

The first thing that you need to look at to figure out if you are in a rebound relationship, Anonymous, is how long you dated. Based on what you said with five to six months, I think you are in that territory where you are potentially a rebound relationship.

Let’s move on to the second thing. The second thing that you want to look at to figure out if you are in a rebound relationship is how fast he moved on. It seems like Anonymous doesn’t know this. I’m just going to tell you. Generally speaking, men do not get over relationships as fast as you think. I’m trying to think back to my very first relationship. I probably wasn’t over it for a few months. Still, I was pretty resentful. I think anytime that anyone’s resentful, they’re not truly over it. I dated the girl for nine months. It took me about three months to get over it, to where I didn’t care anymore.

Since you do not know how long it took him to move on, Anonymous, let’s go through some general guidelines about the time it takes him to move on. If he just broke up with his girlfriend and, a week later meets and starts dating you, you are definitely in that rebound territory. If he broke up with his girlfriend, and a year later meets you, then you are not in rebound territory. A year should be more than enough for a four-year relationship. A year should be enough for him to move on, be alone and gain hold of his feelings to a certain extent.

There is one asterisk I have to put by this. Let’s say he was married for 25 years. He’s probably not going to get over that in a year. After being married that long, he probably wants some freedom, too. It would probably take him a longer time. I think there is a correlation to how long he has been to his ex-girlfriend and how long it takes him to fully get over the relationship. However long it takes him to get over his relationship usually plays a factor in the rebound issue.

The longer that he’s in a relationship with a girl, the longer it will take him to get over the girl. In order for you not to be a rebound, he has to be fully over that woman. Some men are different. Some men jump from relationship to relationship and never have a really long-term relationship. I guess that’s another issue entirely.

The second factor that we’re looking at here is how fast he moved on. Unfortunately, Anonymous, you do not know that.

Let’s move onto the third factor. The third factor is how long he dated her. I talked a little bit about this just a second ago. It is important how long he dated his ex. The longer he dates his ex, the longer it will take him to get over the relationship. That’s just the way it works.

Ideally, in a perfect world, he only dated his ex for two months and you dated him for six months. Then you are probably not a rebound. But if he dated his ex for six years and he dated you for six months, then you probably are a rebound.

When we look at all these factors, Anonymous, based on everything that you said, even though one of the factors is missing completely, I will say that you are definitely at risk of being a rebound relationship. That’s definitely possible. It seems like, after you two broke up, he immediately ran back to his ex-girlfriend. That tells me that he was thinking about his ex-girlfriend while in your relationship or that he trusted her enough to help with the pain.

I’d like to switch gears here and talk about the grass is greener syndrome. The grass is greener syndrome and the rebound relationship goes hand in hand. This is how the grass is greener syndrome works. A guy starts dating a girl. He compares this new girl to his old girlfriend. If the old girlfriend was better, that’s going to make her more attractive.

He’ll be more likely to come back. If the new girlfriend is better, he’s going to be more un-attracted to his old girlfriend and be more likely to stay. The grass is greener on the other side. Sometimes it is and sometimes it isn’t. It seems like, in this case Anonymous, you struck out here. When I usually talk about the grass is greener syndrome, I talk about women using it to their advantage.

Leverage your old relationship with him to your advantage. But it seems like you’re on the opposite end of the spectrum here. It seems like he was with you and potentially got the grass is greener syndrome about his ex-girlfriend. He wanted to go back. I would not say that you need to be depressed over this.

What I’d like to talk to you about now is the error of his ways. Right now, you’re faced with an opportunity. You’re faced with a crossroads. There are two things you can do. You can either try to get him back or move on. Let’s talk about getting him back since I know that’s probably what you’re more interested in. Then I’ll talk about moving on after that.

In order to get him back, he needs to break up with his ex-girlfriend. The one positive that you can take out of this situation, Anonymous, is that, in my experience, the work doesn’t stop just trying to get an ex back. It also has to go into maintaining the relationship. I am more qualified than probably a lot of people to tell you this. A lot of times, when people get back together, they end up breaking up again.

That’s due to a number of reasons, which I’m about to list. The first one is that they did break up for a reason. He and his ex-girlfriend did break up for a reason. History often repeats itself. I don’t know if you know this, but the part of your brain that is triggered when you go through a breakup is the part of the brain that’s active in a cocaine addict. Essentially, when you break up, you’re going through a withdrawal period where you want your ex back. Men have the same brains as women. They’re going to get the same type of cocaine-type experience after a breakup.

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Let’s hypothetically say that, after his breakup with his ex, he started getting these withdrawal symptoms. He dated you but this withdrawal symptom did not go away. Eventually, after he broke up with you, he went back to his ex. The part of the brain that is triggered is also the part of the brain that is triggered in cocaine addicts.

When he gets back with his ex, eventually, his brain is going to mellow out. He’s going to default to his normal setting. How he felt initially in the relationship with his ex is eventually what he’s probably going to arrive at again. It sounds weird, I know I’m talking about cocaine.

The cocaine part of his brain is going to deactivate a little bit. He’s going to mellow out. Once he mellows out, he’s going to default back to that original setting he had and the original problem that caused the breakup in the first place. It’s entirely likely that he could get back with his ex and then history is going to repeat itself again.

The underlying issue behind their breakup is not going to go away. That’s one of the things you have in your favor for them to potentially break up. He could potentially run back to you.

Many people don’t have the right mindset going in. When people get back with their ex, they expect that they’re just going to pick up right where they left off. They want things to be like they were before. There is a flaw there. A breakup is one of the most emotionally troubling experiences that you can go through as a human being. You don’t just forgive and forget that. A lot of people think that when they get back together, they’ll pick up where they left off, but it never is.

The most successful people at holding relationships together when they get back with their exes are the people who come in with this mindset of, “I’m going to create a new and better relationship.” They don’t try to pick up where they left off. Part of the problem with picking up where you left off in a past relationship is the fact that the past relationship failed. Why would you want to pick up where you left off in a failing relationship? No. Something needs to change. Albert Einstein once said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result every time. It is insane to think that you’re going to get back with your ex, do the same things, and it’s going to be all good. No. It’s insane to think that.

You need to change something up. When a lot of people get back together, they don’t have the right mindset. It takes two to tango in a relationship. Both of you have to be in agreement on this mindset. You have to really work hard on this relationship. Something tells me that he’s not going to do that.

The other thing you have going in your favor here is the past resistance of his relationship. Obviously past problems in a relationship don’t go away. Cheating comes to mind here. If he was cheated on by his ex-girlfriend and he dated you and then comes back to her, it’s not like his resentment for that cheating will magically disappear. The sins of the past are still probably following him around. He’s holding on to these resentments. I think that could also work against him and his ex.

When it comes to getting him back, Anonymous, if this is the path you want to go down, time is your best asset here. Move on without moving on. With that, I want to switch gears here and talk about moving on. Like I said, you are at a crossroads. You have two decisions. You can either try to get him back or you can move on. It’s really simple.

What I like to do is propose a theory that merges the two. Obviously you want him back. But if you really want to get him back, sometimes the best way to do that is to move on. Like I said, for all the reasons I listed, they broke up for a reason and history repeats itself. Most people don’t have the right mindset going in. There is the past resentment of the sins of the past.

All of these reasons are headwinds that he and his ex-girlfriend have to overcome. There is a lot of history there. The fact that there’s a lot of history and it didn’t work out doesn’t bode well for them. It takes a special person to really hold things together. Something has to change this time around for them.

When you look at it like that, sitting on the sidelines and watching the demise is probably all you have to do. Then after some time after their breakup, you can try to approach him. That’s my advice if you were to try to get him back, especially since it’s most likely that you were a rebound. My advice would be to lay back and let the thing fail on its own. The odds are against them. I’m a percentage person. I’m very logical in my thinking. When I look at situations like this, I try to look at the percentages. It’s a high percentage that they end up breakup up again for one or all of the reasons that I just listed. Sometimes all you have to do is wait.

I don’t want you to just sit on your hands and wait for them to break up, and then strike. That’s not healthy. I can’t tell you how many times I tell women this, but your time is extremely valuable. Do not waste it. This is the premise of moving on without moving on. Their relationship is probably destined to fail.

But don’t just wait around and expect it to fail. That’s not smart. That’s not a high percentage game. You want to move on. This is weird, because I know deep down, you don’t want to move on. But by moving on, you become more attractive to him. His relationship will start to fail. Then he’ll start comparing his current relationship to you and thinking, “Maybe I didn’t have it so bad with her.”

Also, you’re going to give yourself more options. I think that’s really important for you. It really works in your advantage. If you move on and you find out four or five months later that they’ve broken up, and you’re still not over him, then you just go after him. In the meantime, work on moving on. I know there is a lot of hesitation from women about this, especially more mature women in their 30s who are looking to settle down.

They’re not just looking to party, have fun with their girlfriends, play the field a little bit with guys or go on a bunch of dates. I find that women who want to settle down are almost scared to go out of their way and start over. They don’t want to start with someone new.

It’s almost like a video game. Let’s say, in a video game, you advance to level 10. The last thing you want to do is start over from level one and then work your way back up to level 10. No. You want to move from level 10 to level 11. It’s kind of like that. A lot of women are hesitant to move on because they think if they have to start over with someone new that it’s like starting over from level one.

There is all this time and effort they have to put into the relationship to get to level 10. Then they’re expecting a deeper commitment. It just feels helpless at times. I’m here to tell you, don’t be afraid to start over. Your time is valuable. This is probably the smartest game plan that anyone can come up with for you. Move on without moving on.

Look, I know you want the guy back. I know it’s important to you, but since you’re a rebound, you need to find a way to assert your value. You need to find a way to make him understand that you are a high-value woman. The best way to do that is to move on.

I’m going to link to an article for you about how to get over your ex. In there, I teach you how to move on. I don’t necessarily want you to cut him out of your life entirely. I think just for a few months is probably a solid idea. If you decide that, after you’re trying to move on, you still have feelings for him then that’s great. You’re just buying yourself time.

Like I said, for all the reasons I listed, I think that their relationship is probably destined to fail. Once he’s single again, that’s when you can strike. For now, just move on. Try to play the field a little bit. Try to go on some dates. Try to start over at level one. I know it’s a scary thing. It takes a lot of energy and effort to move from level to level. Just try it out.

A lot of times, I find that it’s usually when women go through their darkest periods that something really good is just around the corner. I’m a glass half full kind of guy. I choose to believe that. Anonymous, I wish you the best. If you have any questions, please ask a question in the comments section.

Anyone listening to this, if you have any questions about rebound relationships or the premise of moving on without moving on, please ask questions in the comments section of the show notes here. You can find them at www.ExBoyfriendRecovery.com/episode34.

You can also find this episode on iTunes or Stitcher. I know I haven’t asked for reviews in a long time, but please, if you can, take a few minutes out of your day and leave a review for me on iTunes. I really appreciate it. It really helps propel this podcast to success. It is in your best interest for this podcast to be a success because, the more successful it is, the more likely I’m going to want to record episodes, answer people and provide more value to everyone listening.

On that note, please leave me an honest review on iTunes. I’m never going to ask you to manufacture a good review if you do not like this podcast. If you love it, put that down. All I care about are honest reviews. I like to earn my keep. On that note, I’m going to end this episode. I’ll see you later.

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112 thoughts on “EBR 034: Are YOU The Rebound For Your Ex Boyfriend?”

  1. Erica

    December 29, 2020 at 2:51 pm

    Hello,
    I do believe I was a rebound but need help on what to do next. He was with his ex for I believe a year and a half on and off and engaged for a period of time too. They split and we’re separated for three months, then we met and hit it off right away. We were together for almost 4 months. Things progressed quickly and things were really perfect and happy. We had made solid plans for the future like booking a trip after Christmas. Talked about our future together Our families met and they really like each other, there was no fighting until the last month when discussions of the holidays came up. Then he broke up with me really out of the blue, and I later found out he had gotten back with his ex the day after our split. It’s been 29 days since I started limited contact because we work together. I’m conflicted because I do know my worth, and feel what he did was really horrible on his part since he involved my family. But I can’t help but still have feelings for him. I’ve treated myself with dignity and not begged or attempted to talk to him, his family reached out twice after the break up saying they’re were sorry and missed us. I see him briefly at work and each time he makes eye contact with me, but appears moody or annoyed. I just keep going as if I don’t know him. I don’t know if I want him back, or if I’m just seeking clarity. Any thoughts or advice? Thanks

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 18, 2021 at 10:12 pm

      Hi Erica, it does sound as if you could have been the rebound in this situation. However, that does not mean that he wont come back. The main thing right now is that you work on the Ungettable girl information to show him he made a mistake leaving you and going back to his ex. If they are on and off again as often as you say then it is likely that it will fall apart again.

  2. Katie

    October 26, 2020 at 12:47 pm

    I’m uncertain if I am a rebound however I have been seeing someone for 2 months and recently broke things off due to him not being ready for something serious. The relationship was going really well and we had a great connection, with him leading it in a serious direction. I was laid back about it however slowly started to open up to the idea of a serious relationship. Within a month he had asked me to be his girlfriend and we had gone on a romantic getaway. With a flip of a switch he started pulling away and started to act distant. When I asked him about it he told me he was unhappy with work and that he had to sort things out. He had been in a 4 year relationship that ended 7 months ago and the ex girlfriend had moved into his building with a new partner a few months after which still bothered him. They also share friends so it had always upset him when they all hung out with her and her new partner. I can’t help but feel like a rebound and hurt that he had led me on. He said the line that our relationship would be perfect if he had happened later and that he could not be a good partner for me right now. I accepted that, thanked him for a great time and acted like I was ok but I am struggling to move on. Deep down I’m hoping he will come back. My question is, do men come back if you were a rebound?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 28, 2020 at 5:09 am

      Hi Katie, it does sound as if he is still a little upset about the ex. Which is why he probably has pulled back and ended things, but your experiences with him were all positive so yes there is a chance he can come back to you, when he is feeling better. You just need to make sure that you work on yourself and use social media to show how ungettable you are. You need to appear to be the woman that he let “get away”.

  3. Crystall

    December 25, 2019 at 5:20 am

    I have been together with my boyfriend for 8 months now.. I think I was a rebound because our relationship starts not long after his break up. Only that he was with his ex for 6 months which means he’s been with me longer. But recently, I noticed the change in him. Firstly, I know nothing just that it’s my intuition coz he didn’t act or chat me liked he used to be where he was giving lots of attention to me. Always telling me that I was his only one.. But well, he started to interact with his ex, commented her, liked her posts on social media.. And I found out that he’s going out with his ex from my friend. I was so depressed when I found out about that. I did talk to him about this, and he was being honest that he’s not over his ex yet. He told me to give him time first to figure things out. And I got the feeling that his ex wants him back as well.. We haven’t broken up yet tbh. He still chats me, call me all that. But I started to think that he’s slowly getting back with his ex.. It’s painful thinking about that. I love him so much I don’t want to let him go. And what even sadder is that the fact that he made me fall for him in the first place.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 29, 2019 at 7:30 pm

      Hi Crystall, so in this situation where you want your guy to choose you not the ex, you need to be as calm as you can and not react about him talking to her in a sense, but as he has told you he does not know what he feels for her or if he is over her yet. I would end the relationship with him and tell him you are not willing to be treated this way. If he chooses her and ends the relationship with you it is likely he will No Contact you while he is in the honeymoon phase with her again. So you could take that first step to end things with him and go into a No Contact so that he feels the loss of you and showing you know your worth.

  4. Simona

    December 16, 2019 at 11:21 am

    My ex cheated on his ex on and off of 5 years he was honest about it and regretted it a drink one off but she cut him off and quickly found a new bf. At the time he cheated he said their relationship was on the rocks. 3 months later he got with me and was honest to me we were together for 18 months after 6 months things stated to get less exiting he drew away and I chased. I got insecure. He stated to avoid sex. Finally after good times and travel finally he told me his attraction is fading he sees me as a friend loves me and cares but was never in love. He was the one that asked me to be his gf and at one stage even said he thought he was falling in love with me. I want him back the companionship we had was good at the start sex was good. We shared good times. He said he was in love with his ex and did not get time to get over her but I was not a rebound. I’m in no contact what should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 16, 2019 at 11:40 pm

      Hey Simona you are in no contact and thats what you need to be doing. While working on yourself and making yourself the Ungettable girl so that your ex sees you are the best girl he is going to get

  5. Sam

    November 21, 2019 at 6:13 pm

    I was definitely a rebound. Me and him were together for 5 months. Then he basically told me he was still in love with his ex and that I was just filling a void for him. His ex said she had no intention of getting back with him. Yet she came over and talked to him. They ended up sleeping together. She again after that said she had no intention of getting back with him. But they talked and if he changed the things they talked about she wasn’t sure what could happen. He told me that I was absolutely amazing to him and there were no trust issues for him. We did argue a lot however when he was talking to multiple other girls. However he got rid of all of them. Except his ex. Which everyone has told me I am the only girl he has done that for. Is there a chance he will come back to me? He told me he was terrified of getting hurt again so I don’t understand why he would go back to someone who has already hurt him? Especially when we have establish I have never hurt him. I’m lost, confused, and hurt. I just want to know if I’m wasting my time with hope. Is he likely to come back? Or should I give up for good?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 24, 2019 at 12:18 am

      Hey Sam, so the positive thing here is that he didnt go back to his ex, but I worry that he would if she would have him back. What you need to do is work on becoming the best version of yourself and the Ungettable girl so that you know you are the best he has ever been with and is ever going to get to be with. That way when he tries comparing other women to you he is never going to be able to break that barrier. And in result he is going to miss you and want to be with you. You do need to follow the program all the same starting with No Contact and do the things that the articles explain. So read plenty and do the work that is required. This is your best chance of getting him to want to come back to you

  6. Annie Smith

    November 2, 2019 at 4:21 am

    My ex and I had been living together for 4 years. We separated for about 8 weeks. During that time I was in no contact. He always called or dropped by to do things etc. One day He CALLED and informed me that within 3 days he was getting married to a high school sweetheart from about 50 years ago. He said some of her people didn’t approve because it was so quick. He further stated, that they were engaged in high school and they didn’t want to let each other get away a second time
    He finally stated, she, the rebound, (I will call her also had doubts about the marriage). They got married any way.I have by no means tried to contact him. Since she had doubt he asked if she didn’t marry him could we get back together. Isn’t that sad? How can I follow your response to me. By the way he is her 5th husband with the previous one deceased.When asked if he told her about me. He said she didn’t need to know. He said he simply told her he hadn’t dated in 4 months.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 2, 2019 at 10:21 pm

      Hi Annie, that is very hard situation for you to deal with but for him to do that so quickly I say you had a lucky escape! Heal from the break up and what you went through. Sending love!

  7. Belle

    September 17, 2019 at 9:01 pm

    Thanks Chris, your article on rebound relationships was really helpful and gave me more insight on what they’re actually about, however my situation is quite complicated which is my ex boyfriend was not actually “entirely single” but he was “mad at his girlfriend single” we dated for roughly 3weeks so when they kind of fixed things he went back to her so I called it off and told him we could be friends but he started telling me I was being clingy at times when I needed him around. I decided to go no contact but it didn’t really seem like a breakup and he’s been trying to reach me for a while now we never had any problems we were always happy but he just started ghosting when his girlfriend came back into the picture we stay within the same apartment and ironically his girlfriend lives right next door and I don’t know how to avoid him and I’m so mad because he put my business with him out there to his friends… on one particular evening he sent me a voice note telling me I should limit how often I go to see him and his friends kept telling him glimpses of what he should say to me in the background. Though at one point he had also told them that he loves me and we were dating, I’m so confused but I think it’s best I move on though I still really love him even if it was a short time. Actually when I initiated no contact he kept sending me text messages asking how I’m doing and telling me that he knows I’m so mad at him I don’t know what to say to him so I prefer not to contact him for now until I have contained my likely to over react psycho behaviour. I really need your advice on how to fathom this situation and whether or not I should move on because I still genuinely have feelings for him and if he came back I wouldn’t think twice about taking him back but I don’t want to make the same mistake since our relationship was so instant.

  8. Payal

    July 9, 2019 at 7:07 am

    Hi
    Above situation is kind of same as mine. I dated this guy for 3 months who my long term best friend. But eventually left me to his chances with his 5year ex gf. But she rejected him, but still in contact. We broke up in really big fight. We completed NC for 30 days now. He has blocked me on whatsapp. What should I do next? What if he is chasing her instead of me? And should I add him on social media to show what he has lost??

  9. Payal chavan

    July 6, 2019 at 3:09 pm

    Hi
    The situation you described above is same as mine. He is my longterm best friend who just got out of 5 year relationship. We hitted of so greatly and was together for 3-4 months. But after some time his ex started contacting him again. he pulled away and said he is still not healed enough from his past. So we broke up and he decided to give his ex gf chance. When I heard this I got so hurt and angry I lashed out on him very badly and I unfollowed him on social media.and he also has blocked me on whatsapp only. We have many mutual friends, our group is same, but right now we are not in same city and neither his exgf. Eventually I heard that his ex gf didn’t gave him chance told she happy in her life now.but I do still think that they are in contact with each other and she doesn’t let him move on. I want him back bcz we were really great together and I falled for him deeply. Right now we are on no contact period and it’s almost ending, 30days are getting complete.should I extend this period? . I haven’t said sorry to him for outbursting and neither he did . What should I do next? I don’t want to come across as needy or desperate. I have worked on myself in this one month and I feel quit confident now and stopped chasing him. I was planning to reach out after this NC with some money topic that I have to give him back with small apology and would have wished him luck… How about that?? Give me some direction plz

  10. Nathalie

    May 5, 2019 at 2:26 pm

    Wow, breakup as the rebound girl is sooo painful! And yes I want my man back too!
    The rebounder can leave you with so much pain to handle!
    I met mine online, his long-term relationship of 3.5 years ended 9 months prior our first date. He said he was completely over her!
    It looks like we are the perfect match: same values, same life goals willing to get married… (we are both in our late 40’s it is rare to find someone willing to marry again at our ages…)
    He came on very strong, saying I love you after only few dates. Our story lasted for 6 weeks only and from my experience it were the 6 most wonderfull weeks since my divorce 5 years ago. Everything felt so natural, it was the first man I really loved since years, our 6 weeks were very intense!
    We even introduced our kids, I met his parents, we met mutual friends…
    I was living a dream, so was he he told me.
    Till his birthday! His ex reached out and he started to be hesitant about his feelings for me…I felt it and addressed it, and yes he became hesitant about his feelings towards me, the spark was gone!
    He said he likes me a lot, that when he told me he loved me he ment it. He just realises that he cannot continue with me as long as he is not over his past!
    He even mentioned we would be a great couple! But he can’t fully commit to me as he is not feeling the spark (bs spark! I do not feel that either, I feel something more than that stupid spark) So he told me he can’t hold me back from dating and wishing me the guy I dream off.
    I didn’t want to force anything regarding his feelings and respected his choice for breaking up with me, wishing him the best!
    I am sooo confused! Did no contact for 1 week now and keeping it so. Moving on, not waiting for him but wishing so hard he’ll come back (what I doubt, he’s a pride guy and also insecure)
    My question: are is excuses BS? For me as a woman, when you love somebody even when you have personal issues you just fight for you beloved! You do not break up! Is it a common thing? Was I his rebound? Is there any chance he’s comping back?
    So many questions and feeling broken as I lost the guy I wanted to be with for the rest of my life… (you know that gut feeling of someone being your person, I had it and still have it)

  11. Katie

    May 1, 2019 at 7:45 pm

    This is almost my exact situation. I can’t work out if I was a rebound because we dated for 6 months, but the ex my girlfriend has gone back to (around 3 weeks after we broke up) she dated for 3 years, 2 years before meeting me (for 3 years). Before reading this article, I did 30 days NC, then reached out to start the ‘Being There’ method. Was this a mistake? I’m confused now because from this article it seems like I should have waited to reach out when they’re relationship breaks up again (if it does). Being There is going ok but mainly getting neutral responses and she hasn’t initiated a conversation yet. Have read EGR Pro 3 and the Texting Bible but still don’t know how to tackle an OW who has potentially got back with my ex by doing ex-recovery type techniques.

    1. Chris Seiter

      May 2, 2019 at 1:15 am

      Not necessarily…every situation is unique. I tend to be a fan of the Being There method as it has a pragmatic structure to it. You need not disappear into the woodwork, just because the ex has taken up with someone else, particularly if you have already employed No Contact. But take things slow. Adapt to how the situation unfolds.

  12. Val

    January 8, 2019 at 5:43 pm

    Hello Chris
    I broke up with L. 4 months ago. After the end of the second month, i met P. Online. We are colleagues and we felt an instant attraction. 10 days later, after discussing for hours and hours, we decided to meet. There was not really something till the moment we touched each other and we got crazy with passion. We had 3-4 intense, wonderful days and my departure broke both our hearts (he was crying). The same night, he confessed he didnt like my shape and my style. Instead of sending him to hell, i agreed and right the next day, i started dieting and training. Till we met again, he had praised me to all his friends, family, colleagues. The same time i found out that his ex was a narcissist that abused him and they had broken up several times. She had left him heartbroken and desperate again and again. The last time was…2 days before he talked to me. The same time, he started becoming abusive himself. Mind you, he talked about his ex every day: to compare her with me and find her inferior, to cuss her, to say how bad she treated him. On the other hand, he praised everything about me: my cooking skills, my wit, my cleanliness, my way of spoiling him, my class, my goodness, my noble sentiments. The second time we met, he started complaining about my male friends and my ex L. that we had cases unfinished together. I quit everything and everyone. The same time, he told me that his ex had unblocked him and sooner or later, she would stalk him. I started worrying and he started telling me that i am ruining everything. I couldn’t even sleep and he was blaming me for not letting him sleep. We started having fights online and he blamed me i am bombarding him with messages. It was normal, cause he threw a firestarter line and then he was like “i wanna sleep, please leave me alone”. He blocked and unblocked me several times, making me beg him. One of these times, he had a call from his ex and he agreed on meeting her in his office. They met for 2-3 hours. He says he humiliated her and she told him things that showed she was really sorry and changed. The third time we met, i ran to him (3hours by bus) cause he told me he was about to break and go back to her. After i left again, he started telling me that he cant do it anymore and he doesn’t want a long distance relationship but soneone next to him. Some days later, he announced me he was back with his ex. Meanwhile, i had met some friends and colleagues and i talked to his dad on the phone. They all adored me. We had to exchange personal stuff, but he kept something of me in his safe. Unwilling to give it back. He admitted he started thinking of me whike being with her. Its about 20 days now we have broken up and he has several issues with his ex again but he doesn’t go (probably Stockholm Syndrome). My bestie got involved and bombarded him with messages till he blocked my bestie. I talk with his bestie who loves me and wants to see us together (she was supportive even before we met). The whole thing lasted about 1.5 month but he has admitted 2 things: that i have the whole package he is looking for, in order to start a family again (he is divorced with a kid that lives far from him) and that i was the only woman who knocked him out in bed. He said that to his besties and his ex-current one. During these 20 days of no contact, i got some of the best and more fun photos ever, that made him tell his bestie “did you see Val? wow, she is so beautiful and she has lost weight…she looks so radiant and active”. Anyhow, I think he is a narcissist too. I know i was his rebound. The question is: do you think he is going to try come back to me? And would your method work on him? Thanks in advance.

    1. Chris Seiter

      January 8, 2019 at 11:12 pm

      Hi Val…Well, My Program has a lot of success stories, but obviously, everyone’s situation is unique. But why not try to put into play the most sensible ex recovery plan.

  13. Michelle

    September 11, 2018 at 6:04 am

    Hi Chris,

    My situation seems unusual but I just really need some insight into what to do with my relationship. I was actually in a nine year relationship and was engaged. This ended about a year ago because my ex was cheating on me. I met someone new at the beginning of May at a local restaurant. He actually lived in Australia for 4 years and came back to live at home just a few weeks prior to us meeting. He was in a 3.5 year relationship with a girl there and I assumed they ended things mutually because she couldn’t leave her family to live in the US and he was missing his family back home. I at first was hesitant to start anything because I was talking to someone else at the time. I finally gave him a chance and we really hit it off. After about 2 weeks he told me he loved me and wanted me to be his girlfriend. Things were perfect for the next couple of months and we were talking about planning our lives together (marriage, living together). He would always look through my phone which I didn’t really care about but all of a sudden he would get super protective of his phone. He would say things like how can I cheat on you i’m always with you, which was true. I had his location so that’s not what I was worried about. I just kept having a gut feeling about his ex. Fast forward to last week when I actually caught him sexting his ex on whatsapp. He had it hidden. I am not sure if he never stopped talking to her or if it happened after we started talking. He apologized and admitted what he did was wrong. I later found out they have a house together in Australia that is being fixed up to sell. He initially said he was keeping nice with her to get money from the house and because he’s afraid she will hurt herself. I want to be with him, I do love him but I don’t know what to do. We’ve been talking for over 4 months, me sleeping at his parent’s house every night. We literally spend every second together. He says hes more attracted to me and that I am perfect for him. Over the past week since finding out about his sexting he’s been so hot and cold saying that he’s probably better off single. Then I found out today that the ex wants to come here and try to maybe live here and reconcile their relationship. This is why he’s been so hot and cold because he doesn’t know what to do. He says she’s a nice girl and they have a lot of history together. I mean I literally went through something similar last year. Just because you have history together doesn’t mean you’re right for each other. If that was the case I would still be with my ex. I got over my ex because I stopped contacting him, but my bf now keeps talking to her. I feel as though he has to cut all contact with her so that she will be able to move on but I can’t tell him to do that. I feel like sharing this house is baiting him in. Every time I bring the girl up he gets so stubborn, but I feel like this is really important to talk about. I’m just confused that he’s keeping me at the side until she comes here. I really do not know. I understand that the house they are fixing up together is important and that needs to be settled. He is the one that pursed me. We could have just been hooking up but he wanted the relationship with me. He says that his ex is depressed, but I feel like that is so selfish not letting your ex move on. You shouldn’t be relying on a person to make you happy. Realistically it’s either he chooses her or he has to end things with her because he will never be able to start any new relationship if the ex is still in the picture. I did not think that I was a rebound in the beginning, but now i’m not too sure. Please provide me insight into what to do because I really feel strongly about him, if I didn’t I would have just given up by now. Thank you!

  14. Val

    April 13, 2018 at 5:46 pm

    Hi,
    so a couple of weeks ago I met a great guy..we went on a couple of dates which were absolutely amazing. During the weeks we were dating HE was the one pushing it towards a serious relationship, he would make plans for the future, introduce me to his mother and friends.. Although I had my suspicions that the break-up from his last girlfriend had not been long ago, I started trusting him because he was treating like I was everything he had been looking for.
    Then a week ago he suddenly changed his mind..He came to my place and told me he was sorry but wasn’t ready to commit to a new relationship and although I am an amazing woman he just couldn’t feel what he was supposed to feel..I was completely in shock and didn’t say much. The day before that everything was going more than fine!

    My suspicion is that his ex must have contacted him the night before and made him realize he still isn’t over her..

    Last weekend I sent him two long text messages, telling him that I believe he made a mistake but also that I won’t contact him again..he didn’t reply.
    So far I was able to stay strong and haven’t contacted him.

    But I am so heartbroken and want nothing more than to get him back, although it sounds pathetic..We just clicked and I have never met anyone like that before..

    Do you believe there’s any chance he might reconsider his decision?
    And is there anything I can do to get him back eventually?

    1. Chris Seiter

      April 14, 2018 at 3:27 am

      HI Val! Thanks for dropping by. Yes, that could have happened and/or he got spooked. Time is always an arbitrator in these matters. So use is wisely. Employ No Contact in the most strategic way you can. Just go to my website Menu and click on Products….and you will see various resources (ebooks, etc) that is intended to offer people a comprehensive blueprint on how to maximize your chances. Best of luck to you Val and let me know how things proceed.

  15. barbie

    March 24, 2018 at 6:06 pm

    hi
    my ex and I dated for a year after him being single for eight months… he had been with his ex for four years. .. I saw he had contact with his ex and seemed to be pursuing her so I ended things but we had an amazing bond and I now miss that and would like to be with him

    1. Chris Seiter

      April 3, 2018 at 12:55 am

      Ok, so the basic starter question I ask just about everyone. Have you attempted any sort of no contact rule?

      Also, I know it’s been some time since you made this comment. How are you doing now?

  16. Roxi

    March 17, 2018 at 11:46 am

    Hello
    After 1month of his break up we met
    In first step he told me he likes me. He is a boxer
    1_he told me after first game I’ll spend my time with you .but after his competition he uploaded a photo of himself with a girl in a party and didn’t come. after one week he told me that was just a old photo and said sorry
    2_after first date he pulled away, he told me that you entered in my life at the wrong time. I have to practice and prepare myself for the tournament. I must be in the national team.he always ignored my texts and calls.
    3_at second month I wrote a comment at his Instagram account and called him my boyfriend, he immediately deleted it and then we didn’t connect to each other .after one month‌ i sent him a message ,then he asked me about sex he : I don’t have time for relationship with you even though I haven’t time for sex .
    I just want sex becuse you are sexy .
    me : sex without any emotions is it possible?
    He said : it’s not without emotions . me:so do you have any emotions about me ? But he changed the subject
    4_we were together for about 6 month without sex.he was ready for helping any women. he had time for them but not me.
    5_the financial problems came to him and he told me about his issues .I borrowed money from my friend for him but he said: you’re very kind but I can’t accept it after 2 weeks he suddenly deleted my number without saying anything when I said hi, he blocked me on WhatsApp then I sent him this massage:I didn’t know you hate me , sorry for bothering you with my love , good luck and take care. After that no contact.
    .its about 1 month . I guess he is in love with a woman in his past .

  17. Roxi

    March 12, 2018 at 6:24 pm

    He deleted my number then blocked me on social Media. I was his rebound for about 6 month , he broke up with me about 3 weeks now. Why he told I love you , trust me , I’ll never let you down .but suddenly he ignored me and didn’t care about me but l love him.he isn’t with his ex but he is madly in love with his beloved .there’s any chance to me that he noticed I’m the right one for him ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 15, 2018 at 8:44 am

      Hi Roxi

      When was the last time you talked to him or initiated contact?

    2. Roxi

      April 3, 2018 at 10:38 am

      After 1month of his break up we met
      In first step he told me he likes me. He is a boxer
      1_he told me after first game I’ll spend my time with you .but after his competition he uploaded a photo of himself with a girl in a party and didn’t come. after one week he told me that was just a old photo and said sorry
      2_after first date he pulled away, he told me that you entered in my life at the wrong time. I have to practice and prepare myself for the tournament. I must be in the national team.he always ignored my texts and calls.
      3_at second month I wrote a comment at his Instagram account and called him my boyfriend, he immediately deleted it and then we didn’t connect to each other .after one month‌ i sent him a message ,then he asked me about sex he : I don’t have time for relationship with you even though I haven’t time for sex .
      I just want sex becuse you are sexy .
      me : sex without any emotions is it possible?
      He said : it’s not without emotions . me:so do you have any emotions about me ? But he changed the subject
      4_we were together for about 6 month without sex.he was ready for helping any women. he had time for them but not me.
      5_the financial problems came to him and he told me about his issues .I borrowed money from my friend for him but he said: you’re very kind but I can’t accept it after 2 weeks he suddenly deleted my number without saying anything when I said hi, he blocked me on WhatsApp then I sent him this massage:I didn’t know you hate me , sorry for bothering you with my love , good luck and take care. After that no contact.
      .its about 2 month . I guess he is in love with a woman in his past .

  18. Anonymous

    December 7, 2017 at 1:33 pm

    Hi Chris,
    Me and my ex-boyfriend were best friends for 2 years before our relationship. Recently he broke up with his ex-girlfriend. I had feelings for him even when he was in relationship with her. But after 2 years of an on-off they broke up and I thought that this is a chance for me to confess my feelings towards him( as he was single). He said he also liked me even when he was with her and then after a month of their breakup we both got together. The relationship sadly lasted for only a week and the reason for breakup was no reason at all( as stated by him). Now we are just friends but the friendship bonding is not as it was before. I know I was a rebound but I really love him. He is dating girls after our break up. Is this to make me jealous? What should I do? Can I get him back? Please help.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 11, 2017 at 8:39 am

      Hi Anonymous,

      When was all this? Honestly,I don’t think he’s dating other girls to make you jealous.. Are you going to do the advice above?

  19. Sarah

    December 4, 2017 at 4:43 am

    I was LD dating him (not in the relationship yet) for 6 months. His last relationship was 2 years and ended 4 months before we met. I think I’m kind of like the rebound. Well, he always said he’s hopeful and trying to make us click.
    Just few days before we “broke up”, he mentioned that his ex reached out to him asking if he could marry her. Seems he rejected her.
    Is a rebound like me have high chance of getting him back after NC?
    Thanks!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 5, 2017 at 2:08 am

      Hi Sarah,

      it depends.. how active are you in improving yourself right now and in posting?

  20. Laura

    November 21, 2017 at 2:56 am

    Hi Chris,

    So I have a similar situation as this but my ex is dating someone new. He broke up with his ex of 6 years we got together 6months after that. We dated for about about 5-6months before out of what seemed like no where he broke it off. Shocking not only me but all of our mutual friends. He insisted that it wasn’t me it was him and that he really likes me but he needs time and is confused about what he wants. It has not been about 2-3months since we’ve officially been over and about 3-4weeks since the last time we hooked up. He is now dating someone new. Was I just someone to pass time with? Or is this new girl a rebound relationship as well?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 23, 2017 at 1:13 am

      Hi Laura,

      Looks like you are both his rebound

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