What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Moves On To A New Girl (Video)

It’s been too long since I have done a video.

I apologize for that.

We actually had to find a new place to set up our video equipment since my daughter has to have her own room now and we were using her room as EBR YouTube central!

Talk about ghetto, right?

Anyways, we found a place and now we are back up and running.

Our latest video is about what you can do if your ex boyfriend has moved on to a new girlfriend.

(Shutter)

Check it out,

Transcript

Chris: Hey, Chris Seiter here from Ex Boyfriend Recovery and today I’m going to teach you about how you can get your ex boyfriend back if he’s moved to another girl.

So, the other day, I got to thinking, what are some of the people who are getting their exes back and doing that the people who aren’t getting their exes back, not doing? So, I went through my website and I took apart all the success stories I’ve had over the years and I’ve learned something shocking.

One of the most popular type of success stories are people who have gotten their exes back after their exes have moved onto someone else. So, what I like to do with this video is talk to you about my strategies for helping you to get your ex boyfriend back assuming he’s moved on to another girl.

Alright, this video is going to be divided into three parts.  The first part is rebound relationships. The second part is the grass is greener syndrome. And finally the third and most important part is the being there strategy. Let’s tag in right now to rebound relationships.

PART ONE: Rebound Relationships

Common sense tells us that when you’re ex boyfriend moves on to someone else, your chances are aren’t that great but there’s one exception and that’s if he’s moved on to a rebound relationship. So, what I like to do now is give you my description of what a rebound relationship is so, you can figure out if he’s in that category assuming he’s moved on.

There’s three telltale signs of a rebound relationship. The first sign is if he moved on really fast. So, he broke up with and then he moves on in a week or something to a new girl or that can be a sign that he’s going into a rebound relationship.

The second sign is if that rebound relationship doesn’t last very long. So, in other words, if your ex boyfriend is dating someone and he’s been dating her for like a year, that’s probably not rebound relationship and finally the third sign is if he’s serious about it. You can always tell when a man is serious about a relationship. Depending on how he acts around his friends or how he interacts with her on Facebook or social media. So, look at signs like that.

Next, we’re going to talk about The Grass is Greener Syndrome and how it relates to your situation.

PART TWO: The Grass is Greener Syndrome

Alright, so The Grass is Greener syndrome is kind of an interesting thing. I always like to think that when it comes to men they have, there’s a visible attraction scale on their head and this attraction scale is a living, breathing thing. Into everything that goes into the attraction scale is sort of relating to a woman, her looks, her personality, her characteristics, basically anything that would make a man find you attractive goes into this scale and it’s a 1 through 10 scale. So, for example, a woman that man is supremely attracted to would be a 10 on a scale and a woman that he’s not attracted to obviously, would be a 1.

So, what happens with this scale is, when an ex boyfriend first dates you he goes through something called the honeymoon period. That’s where you can do no wrong, everything’s perfect in the world. So, in his internal attraction scale to you, you’re a 9 or a 10. You’re almost perfect but as the relationship goes on, little things about your personality or your characteristics or maybe your looks change and his attraction scale gets lower and lower and lower and it eventually gets to a point where it’s so low where he starts thinking, “Maybe, I can do better than her.” So, that’s when a break up occurs and he starts looking for someone.

So, he’s broken up with you and he starts to look for another girl that he thinks is going to be better than you and let’s say he finds her. He finds a girl and he goes through the same process that he went through with you, the honeymoon period where she can do no wrong and she’s perfect to him but when you look at her set attraction scale, she doesn’t have anything on you. She’s boring to him. Her characteristics aren’t going to be as good as you and when the honeymoon period wears off for him, he’s going to compare her scale to yours and yours is better. So, he’s going to sit there and think to himself, “Man, I made a mistake breaking up with her.” That’s kind of  the grass is greener syndrome. It’s where a man breaks up with you because he thinks he can do better and sometimes he can. Sometimes, the grass is greener on the other side but often times it’s not. Often times the girl can’t hold a candle to you and you need to keep this mind when you’re trying to get your ex back. So, why would I tell you this whole thing about the grass is greener syndrome? It’s to give you hope. It’s to let you know that you really do have a chance to get your ex back which leads me to my next point.
I’m going to give you the ultimate strategy for helping you move things along when it comes to your ex moving onto another girl.

I like to call it The Being There strategy.

PART THREE: The Being There Strategy

Alright so, The Being There Strategy, you know, if there’s one thing that’s probably the toughest part about getting an ex boyfriend back when he’s moved on to another girl it’s the fact that you have—you run the risk of pinning yourself as the common enemy. And if there’s one thing that unites two people more than anything, it’s a common enemy. If you play this the wrong way, your ex and his new girlfriend are going to get united over the fact that you’re trying to break them up. So, we need to kind of tread this fine line. We’re not trying to break them up but we just put your ex in a position where his ex girlfriend is really not so fond of you being in the picture and that’s where the being there strategy comes into play.

Alright, so I’m not a fan of trying to break people up. That’s not what we’re about here in ex boyfriend recovery but often times all that you have to do to put a rift between your ex and his new girlfriend is just by being there. Just by being in the picture, just be being consistent with talking to your ex. You don’t even need to hit on him. You don’t even need to use this any kind of like super text judo or get him to hit on you, you don’t need to do that. All you got to do is just be there and his new girlfriend will take note of you, the ex girlfriend being in the picture. So, just by being there, you’re going to make his new girlfriend jealous of you, his ex girlfriend. And often times, when jealousy comes into play, many kind of find it attractive at first but if you are consistent with the fact that you’re being there in the picture is going to find her jealousy and her insecurity unattractive and that’s what you need to do to kind of show him that she’s not all that great. You’re the one that’s great.

I want to take a moment to thank you for getting to the end of this video. I really appreciate you watching it and I want to offer you an opportunity. An opportunity to become a part of the ex boyfriend recovery family. We have a whole team of people dedicated to helping you get your ex boyfriend back and all you have to do is show your support and we’re more than willing to help you out. You can show your support by simply liking this video, subscribing to our channel, visiting our website at www.exboyfriendrecovery.com. You can find the link in description below or just commenting in this Youtube video. Just do something to get involved in this community and we’re more than willing to help you out. We’re very responsive. We’ll see you later.

Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter

300 responses to “What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Moves On To A New Girl (Video)”

  1. Confused says:

    Hi,
    My ex and I were together for a year and we broke up in October so it’s been ages. Since we broke up we hooked up in December again in April when he told me he loves me and again in June stupidly. In June he told me he still really cares about me and we had a nice chat about our relationship and he asked if we could be friends I told him no, and he asked me to make an exception.

    I left the country 2 weeks later to go travelling he kept in touch the whole time and messaged me but around mid august he messaged me and I ignored him he got quite angry but I decided it was best not to be friends and so I went into no contact again.

    I just got back and yesterday he messaged me to say that he was seeing someone and he was giving me a heads up in case I saw them around together. Now my ex is 31 and this girl he’s dating now just turned 19 and just got out of a 4 year relationship at the end of July and he said they started dating beginning of august. Now I don’t think I should be worried but I’m kind of disgusted at the age difference between them so there were so many questions going through my head which I asked him and regret but he admitted that she’s really young. I feel like he is just a rebound for her and he wants a consistent person to have sex with but I was confused about why he told me about her so I asked him if it was serious and he said that he’s been spending a lot of time with her but it’s not an official relationship or anything. I love him but I don’t know what to do now. I saw his best friend out last night and he told me that he’s always been on my team and likes us together but I don’t think he tells my ex this. What should I do?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi COnfused,

      do you work in the same place?

    • Confused says:

      Okay so sorry to bombard you with all these messages this is the last I promise. Do you think I’m doing the right thing?

      So my ex finally contacted me yesterday to say that nothing has to change and he has no problem being my friend as long as there’s no drama. To this is haven’t responded and I still think I will do the NC for a while then try the being there method just bc I don’t want to seem eager. The fact that he still wants me as a friend makes me think he’s not that serious about this girl bc when he was with me he ignored his ex completely.

      Do you think this is the right thing?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      That’s ok, sorry for the late reply. Yep, that’s the right thing to do and maintain the new routine you started during nc and keep being active in posting.

  2. Squirrel says:

    I forget to mention about the mean fight in the second year, i did something horrible…I was hurted by his words, angry, sad and so on….drunk that night and while passing him on the stairs I hit his chin for a short moment as he said something mean again.
    I felt instant sorry after this and never wanted to hurt him in any way…was a horrible feeling but he never forget this neither and when he broke up with me brought this up again. Along with other fights we had. And then on the other hand like a day later he starts remembering me on the nice things we had. And brings up old nice memories.
    I am so confused…

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      HI Squirrel,

      just to make it clear, he’s still going to live with you after going to Chile?

  3. Squirrel says:

    Hey,

    I really need help right now because I am really depressed and feel so helpless about our break up…
    I try to explain it as good as possible since english isn’t my mother language. 🙂
    My boyfriend and I were together for 4 years (just had our anniversary at the end of may…).
    We are both 27 years old.
    He broke up with me mid june 2017 telling me that he is done with the relation and gave up.
    He thinks he was in a long broken relation with me and that he was the only one trying to fix it
    the whole time and now he thinks it’s to late. (his words 1:1)

    We met through an online game and everything started reeeally smooth and friendly.
    He first didn’t even know that I was a girl 🙂 and we just talked and talked for a few days non stop and
    later on talked/flirted over skype – were we saw each other also for the first time!
    After this he was the first to start revealing really strong feelings for me and he told me like a bit over
    a week, after we met online, that he has fallen in love with me.
    It took me a few more days to reciprocate those feelings and telling him that I love him too.
    I was at that time single for around 6 years?! Never had a “real”, long and neither deep relation to any
    man out there and was scared because of my lack of experience in relations (and especially sex…).
    I told him about it open and he said he understands me and respects my feelings and wouldn’t push me
    because of it. And I must say “yes he really stand to his promise” – never pushed me in the beginning.

    Like one month after meeting online he flew from spain to germany (were I live) to meet up for the first time.
    We both felt it was more than just a crush and couldn’t hold our hands of from each other.
    In the begin of August 2013 he then moved completly over to germany. I knew how hard it has been for him to leave
    his family and friends back there for me and was so happy to finally have found a man who loves me so much
    that he even gonna move to another country and learn a new language just to be with me.
    Everything was perfect in the first year. We spent all the time together and had sex a few times every day.
    Sadly under the roof of my parents because we both had no real job that time…and that’s were we STILL live atm – to this I get later.

    Though in the second year of our relation one mean fight because of his jealousy (he has problems to trust…probably because his past relationship were bad and both of
    his ex girlfriends cheated on him).
    Apart from this, we just had sometimes smaller fights. Mainly for silly things and a few time because
    of my past hobby – dancing! (he didn’t like to see me dancing with other people..even friends of
    my family)
    But after this it seemed like I changed (thats what he also told me when he broke up “you are not like in the
    beginning when we met”). Our sexlife suffered first under those “changes”, which I at this time honestly
    didn’t saw/noticed/felt as strong as he did (and now I don’t understand how this could happen by myself…).
    I thought it was because of my hormones and my age and the situation with us not earning enough to move out
    and so on.
    We still had from the 2-4 year many beautiful and nice moments and memories (he said this too) but our
    intimacy level sank too….because of me :(. I now know that I have been pushing him often away.
    Doesn’t matter if it was when he wanted to have sex with me, kiss me, sometimes even hugs…I was acting
    strange and I told him that I am so sorry for all of this because I don’t understand myself. I never felt
    different in this times about him. (thats the joke in it..) My strong love feelings like in the beginning
    fell even stronger over the years.
    Now when he broke up he told me that I was so distant. I would oftenly stay awake on the computer when he
    laid already in the bed instead of going to him and cuddling with him. Or when we visited his family in spain
    I would be up in the room and sleep long. (well for me it was because we had 1 week free and I was dead from
    working…at this time I was already in an education – but ofc I understand his point there)

    Before he broke up with me in june, I noticed that he was really distant to me and the whole time on his phone.
    I asked him after he said “he gave up on the relation since our anniversary or even before” (he is really
    confusing and always changing what he thinks) , if there is someone else. He was denying this the whole time.
    But I know him so well..I knew he is lying so I did something stupid what ashames me now and what I never did
    before. I stalked him. I looked in this pc, phone etc and found out I was right and he has been lying to me
    since the begin of june 2017. I found out many painful things…he has been sending gifts to this girl
    which lives in chile (11.000 km away ffs!!!), speaking to here daily since june (the whole time on his phone)
    and the worst – I was he was on booking sites for flights from germany to chile with hotel room for 2.
    After I confronted him with this things escalated (ofc…) he got really mad at me and we said mean things to
    each other (most without meaning them that way…I know). And since I found this out I was upset for the rest
    of june and the whole july too, clingy,desperate,needy (also sexual..) – the whole bad package.
    Crying nearly every day and so on. Since we couldnt stay away from each other…living
    at my parents, sharing one room and one bed. And seeing him the whole time writing/video chatting with that
    woman destroyed me. I also wrote this woman once on facebook telling her that she should please stay away from
    him that we can try to fix our relation (but I was polite to her and yes I know it was wrong to write her) and
    asked her if she knew that we were still in a relation when they started to flirt. She answered “friendly”
    back saying she was never befriended with him, doesn’t know if she ever will be and everything what “happend”
    happend because he wanted it and he started with it. She never wanted to steal my boyfriend away but at this
    point of the game she wants it too and I shall forget about him because he doesn’t love me, otherwhise he
    wouldn’t be so fixated on another woman.” – her answer (she is a language teacher and seems to be clever and
    friendly…what makes it even worse for me…)
    Since this confrontation and the mail to her things are really strange for me.
    He acts so confusing…I started to pull away a bit more and take plant medicaments to stay calm and suppress
    the crying/heartache etc. And since this he gave me mixed signals. One day he would start crying next to me in
    the room saying he never wanted to hurt me I was his life and he loved me so much (talking past tense hurts…)
    and he never wanted to lose me. He still hugged me everyday really tight and long…sometimes telling me he
    loves me (even though he said this to the new woman already too…) and that he misses me, or saying things like
    he knows that this is gonna be his biggest mistake in his life. I don’t get this man anymore which I thought
    to know for 4 years. Well…on the 21.08.2017 he took this booked flight to chile to meet up with that woman
    make trips through the desert and so on. I begged him to stay and give our realtion another chance but he said
    he thought 4 years only about me and did everything for me and now he needs to do this for himself.
    He comes back at the 05.09.2017 and I already don’t know what’s gonna be. I pulled more back now and I don’t
    write him at all since a while. When he writes me I answer normal and friendly and don’t show any neediness
    to him. But I am so scared that they get closer there…even though I found it pointless him moving on into
    such a long distance relation. And it scares me even more that he might move there. Even though he said he’s
    gonna stay here (has work here) and not gonna move further away from the family and me. He doesn’t want to let
    me alone and needs me in his life (his words) and he just don’t want to be far away from me and also our dog.
    Ah also to say: we bought just last year a plot together on which we wanted to build…we talked the whole last
    two years about marrying, having a baby soon and building…makes things stranger, isn’t it? I only talked about
    it with one friend and she thinks that this right now is just like a “knee-jerk reaction” from him…but I’m
    scared he might truly fallen in love with this new woman.
    I don’t know what to do or how to act infront of him when he comes back. I’ve been working the whole time on
    myself now and also told him that I would change and never ever would let the same things happen and come
    between us again. I am still the same girl like in the beginning just a few years older. I feel so bad that
    my insecurities pushed him away..
    I don’t want to live without him, for me he is “the one” and I need his love in my life so much….it hurts.
    I read all your guides but not everything fits with my situation…please help me with your advise… 🙁
    btw. sorry for the long post…

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      HI Squirrel,

      just to make it clear, he’s still going to live with you after going to Chile?

  4. Gabby says:

    Help!!! After 30+ days of NC I texted him yesterday, we answered my after just a few minutes, I texted him back y he also replied, I wanted to ended the conversation si I said I had to leave but the we can continue talking other day?? He replied that he doesn’t think that’s a good idea since he is dating someone and that is not correct!!! What should I do now!!!!

  5. Jane says:

    Hi Amor,
    I would be grateful for your advice.
    I’ve met him online, we’ve been talking for over a year and making plans to meet in person. It was lovely and so exciting.
    But he disappeared one month before we were about to finally meet. It hurts me because he has been saying he wants me and can’t wait to be with me for so long.
    I haven’t texted him since he stopped, I had hopes he will.. But 3 months passed and nothing. Lately I discovered he has a new girlfriend and they seem so happy. I feel terrible.. I think he’s just lost interest in me and he’s happy with her now.
    I need to talk to him but it seems too late for that. Is it better not to text him at all?
    Do you think there is something I could do?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi jane,

      If it’s for closure, send him a message, and whether or not he replies, let that message be your closure and move on

  6. Clarisa says:

    When my, now ex, bf and I started dating we had sex before he committed. We had been dating for about a month prior. After a few nights together I asked him if he was planning on being exclusive with me. He said yes, and we decided to be monogamous. After a few weeks of bliss and referring to me as his girlfriend and introducing me to some of his friends as such, he started to grow distant. He said it was due to work stress so I tried to become the super supportive gf. He grew more distant and I turned into a text gnat. I found out later that this was the time he started texting and having another girl over to his apartment. My heart dropped when I saw her over there. A few days later I asked him in a non aggressive way of he had cheated, he denied cheating. He also broke up with me in the same conversation. A mutual friend told me that he said he wants nothing to do with me and that he likes this other girl because she is crazy and doesn’t expect anything from him. I’m feeling like he has some commitment issues from a bad marriage and committing to me was a big step, but I drove him into the arms of a “no stirrings attached” girl with my clinginess. They are still seeing each other. I’m on day 6 of No Contact. I’m wondering if I should continue NC or start Being There? My situation is a combination of cheating and him leaving me for another woman. I also have realized a lot of the things I did that are such a turn-off for men.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      HI Clarisa,

      the being there method and engaging conversation consistently is after the nc period

  7. Jess says:

    Hi,
    I was with my ex 2 years we split a little over a year ago but remained talking to each other each day and meeting up as we both had feelings and I thought we were trying to sort things out

    He ended up getting a girlfriend last year and she hated me even to say my name would cause an argument I stoped talking to my ex doing the no contact rule for a full month and my ex came back to me he initiated is talking again.. few months later they split up but I us to sit and watch the man I loved be with someone else and that killed me.

    This year he got another girlfriend in the April/May she also hated me and stalked my Facebook Instagram before I’d even knew he was seeing her.. my ex told me he was seeing someone and she doesn’t like the fact that we talk so I suggested maybe we don’t talk anymore so I went in to 30 days no contact.

    Few weeks later my ex starts to talk to me again telling me he missed me in the only person that knows how to talk to him when he says upset etc.

    We start talking again everyday he phones me of a night we have a laugh he’s even come to see me.
    A few weeks ago I had a really bad week and needed to talk to him and needed up breaking down and telling him how I felt I told him I still loved him and watching him be in a relationship with someone else was killing me.

    He told me he still loves me and wants us to try again at some point I asked how can he be in love with two people at the same time and he told me he isn’t he saying only in love with one and that’s me..
    yet he’s still with her and planning little days outs with her like he’s going away for the weekend for his birthday, he came to my house yesterday and told me how he feels but I don’t know what to think.

    She doesn’t know me and him still talk and he tries his best to make sure she never does find out..

    I don’t know what I’m going to do. Watching him be with someone else is killing me and I don’t think I can do it for much longer. But I don’t want to lose him again.

    Can you help at all?

    • Jess says:

      Hi amor,
      I don’t understand how this will help my situation we aren’t together and haven’t been for almost a year now
      He has a new girlfriend and is still talking to me telling me he loves me and not to believe what I see on social media but it looks pretty real t me..
      I’m at a breaking point right now I don’t know what to do!

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      actually I think the How To Set Your Boyfriend Straight part can help you. You just have to adjust it to your situation. Specifically this phrase:
      Challenge him to lay his cards on the table. Make it clear in no uncertain terms that if the two of your are going to “work” he needs to come clean with the truth.

  8. Megan says:

    We dated for 4 years, mutually decided to end it. I worked on myself to become a better person, while living 8 hours away. 6 months went by, he started dating someone new. We are in the same place now at the 7 month point and I realized that we might be making a mistake. Since he is dating someone should I still do the 30 day no contact rule or should I do the “be there” theory?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      If you improved yourself and still does, you should start the being there method.

  9. Tahni says:

    Hey folks,
    So some info: boyfriend of 3.5 years breaks it off with me a little over a month ago. I’m 25, he’s 24. All in all we were great, but he said he had inner issues, didn’t want to drag me down, loves me, I’m the best girlfriend he’s ever had, that I deserve a better man than him, doesn’t know if he’s still in love with me but still loves me, doesn’t want to hurt me. The works. Mind you, about 1.5 years ago he did cheat on me, got poss drunk and kissed another girl and told me, but we worked through that and I guess he never forgave himself either, because I know I did after a month of no contact. We were great after that but I guess he didn’t work on himself internally after that and I didn’t see it. So after this recent break up, I immediately started no contact. I knew he was hurting, heard about it from his family and mutual few friends, who all keep telling me how they told him he lost out losing me and they still love me too. I stayed strong to no contact though, and followed your game plan while on NC: working on myself, using social media, etc. He never stopped watching my Instagram and Snapchat stories, continued liking everything I posted. I figured I still got him hooked to my page. Finally 30 days of NC come and go, on the final day I post a picture of my body I been working on and he messaged me saying I look great. We had small talk. I tried following your texting guide even though he reached out to me first after NC. Then I find out from another source he’s kind of in a rebound relationship with another girl, a coworker of his. This started 2 weeks after our break up as a FWB but escalated to a hidden relationship. She’s 10 years older than him, has 4 kids (all of which he’s not ready for, I think he’s just in it for her physically?).. basically my source is emphasizing to me how shocked they are he got into a rebound with her. But they’re not public. They found out from a friend of a friend of a friend who I guess isn’t that good of a friend to her if they’re talking about it!
    So I’ve been communicating with him still, since NC had been completed. After reading this article, I got some reassurance. I guess my question here is what do I do now? Continue staying I’m the picture, but do what? Do I just keep playing the game of 50/50 responding to himand initiating communication? I do still love him, and I feel he still loves me more than he thinks. Please help me, I’d appreciate anything!

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Yup you should just continue slowly building rapport slowly

    • Tahni says:

      So update: we’ve been talking more. He’s been getting into asking what I’m doing. Still brings up our past relationship and says things like he wish he could have gave me more, reminisce’s about it with me, even said too bad we didn’t have our own place together, and every now and then made comments about future activities with me.. like what we could be for halloween. I’m going crazy because I know he hasn’t stopped talking to that rebound. He’s asked if I’ve been with anyone else and said he wondered because he knew I was a great woman and there were guaranteed to be men running after me now, but they’re probably still confused because I had one pic left up of him at the beach on my instagram from a while ago. I said nothing official but he’s right, there are men giving me attention. So I told him there must be girls after him too, but are confused as well being he kept a photo of us both together up still from a while ago. He told me there isn’t anyone (even though I already know there is). Well finally today sources told me that he had told her he made it clear to me that we won’t get back together…

      Complete bullshit. He’s still liking my things. But when I heard that it hurt me so bad I deleted the last photo of him from my page. He must have been stalking mine as well, having viewed my story from the morning, and saw I deleted his picture because an hour after I noticed he deleted me off of his page as well. He also hasn’t texted me at all today.. what do I do?? Please help, anyone…

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      He would really tell her what she wanted to hear..that’s why you just need to keep building rapport..he must have just reacted to you deleting his photos

    • Tahni says:

      I’ve been trying to continue to build rapport by continuing to talk to him. But since that day we’ve deleted the last of each other’s pictures off of our instagrams, he hasn’t been talking to me as much…

      I try to hook him back into wanting to talk, by talling about things that interests him, waiting a while between replies every now and then to seem like I’m busy but not too busy, and always trying to end the conversation first on a good note or with something I can come back and reply to. But the distance I’m starting to feel again since he’s contacting me a little less through text is making me feel like he is friend zoning me? He recently admitted that his friends he lives with have all told him to just move on and they don’t want to see us together (they’re all single as well). And sometimes when he’s talked to me he’s said he’s still torn because this break up isn’t what his heart is telling him to do but something he knows he needs. I’m assuming those friends comments are getting to him? Because I noticed he hasn’t been talking to me as often throughout the day. He has told me his family and other friends all still love me and have even told him differentry renditions of how they think he’s so stupid for doing this to me and that if he ever ended up with someone else they’d hate her…

      I’ve read your other article about what to do when the friends of the ex dont approve.. I don’t know what to do at this point. I’ve already did No Contact before this point. And we’ve been building rapport. I really can’t tell if I’m in the friendzone, because after reading your articles he does both things to make me feel like he wants me more than that and doesnt. What do I do? What’s going on here between me and him?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Well, right now because he thinks you’re still affected or upset because of the deleting of pictures, you have to lay low maybe for a week and then initiate again

  10. Astrid says:

    Hi,
    My bf (26 yo) and I (22 yo) were together for 4 months (last summer) and then we went to study in different states and agreed to separate. He had a gf after me and I was seeing one guy as well, but we have been good friends and we get along soooo well. We stopped talking to each other for few months and now that we are back home we are seeing each other again. We are meeting every week, laughing, touching hands, hugging, reminiscing the past and planning on going for holidays together in July.
    Unfortunately – he has a new gf and seems to be in his honeymoon phase and after only 2 months together he is planning to move to Canada with her. in September He wants to start a family soon, so i think he is looking for a wife and thinks I’m too young for that. I don’t know how to get him back. I know that after this summer we will separate again but I really want to make it work (long distance for a year but then we could live together in the same place). He told me he loved me, but I think he is in love with her as well and it hurts a lot. Next week there is a party for which both of us are invited and I dont know how to act around him and her and he said she really wants to meet me. It’s very confusing for me so I would really appreciate your help. The year apart showed me that he is the one I want to be with, but I dont know what to think and what to do….

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi astrid,

      Are you going to do the advice above?

    • Astrid says:

      Tbh i was going crazy because of the whole situation and in order to avoid any drama we met and i told him that he is the best guy ive known, wished him well and said that i will always love him but I wont fight with other girl for him. I think he accepted it and now we are not talking. It is very painful but i will do NC for a month or two, but i think it might be over. He is looking to settle down and because i live in a different state i dont think he sees me as a wife material. I dont know if there is anything else i can do…

  11. Jadyn says:

    I understand this being there technique. And I see how it could pull him and the rebound apart. I just don’t know where to start. It feels so unnatural to text him after being broken up for 2 months. I miss him so much. I want to text him. I wish I could fast forward past the awkward initial contacts. I feel so fake trying to come up with messages to send. Sure I have memories I can remind him of and afew stories from our time apart that I could share. But those topics will only last so long. It feels so forced. It this normal? I want to be ex boyfriend recoveries next success story but this is feeling so unnatural. How do I go about building rapport? Our biggest issue was always communication. I’ve gotten better since the breakup but being in this stage of having to initialize contact has me so anxious again.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      List out his interests, everything you can think of and if there are current ones in the news, friends or in the environment, use that..

  12. Olivia says:

    CHRIS PLEASE HELP. I have been talking to my ex for about 5 months now – after not speaking for many following the breakup. NOW I have been acting like we are dating, visiting, talking daily, friends, family all involved, and I read messages on his phone where he has been tagging other girls on Instagram. A couple of these notes read “we should go here” as in together. I know we aren’t exclusive yet even tho we have acted as such for a few months now but does it mean he isn’t serious about me if he is asking other girls out? I don’t know what to think or how to react. If he is not serious I don’t want to waste any more of my time on him. Please let me know.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      why arent you talking about being exclusive?

    • Olivia says:

      I guess my fear is that he just agrees to be exclusive but doesn’t actually follow through. If we’ve already been talking for this long and he’s STILL messaging other girls about going on dates, hikes, etc together….. does that mean he doesn’t want to be exclusive with me? Also he doesn’t know that I know he’s talking to other girls like this.

    • Olivia says:

      and I did bring up being exclusive and he said yes, he’s already been acting like hes dating me… but, it doesn’t seem like it when I read his phone and he is trying to do activities with other girls. I guess I am just wondering if it is normal that he is still interested in doing these things with other girls all the while telling me he wants to date me. It doesn’t add up in my head.

    • Olivia says:

      He sent another note to a new girl asking her to go on a hike and sending her pictures of the hiking place and being flirty. WHY is he reaching out to other girls if he claims he is serious about me and wants to be with only me???? Is he unsure about me??? Is he playing me??? Does he need attention since we are LD??? What do you think is going on in his head? We had a talk a few days ago and pretty much decided we are “dating exclusively”…….. why is he continuing this behavior behind my back?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      That means he’s not serious.. You have to let more time pass so it’s credible to bring it up to him

    • Olivia says:

      We had a talk and I casually brought up the messages saying someone told me about it… he says these are all girl “friends” and he is going to continue to have girl friends… But, one of them I have never heard of and really don’t think they are friends. Anyways, in this talk I also said I need to be his gf or nothing, i cant do the inbetween with somone who i dated for so long. he said he wants to be exclusive and in a relationship with me but didn’t act that excited about it…. rather just sort of accepted it and said lets do it. he also said he is scared that things dont work out and we jumped all in instead of continuing to take time to see how things goo…. but i told him i cant keep doing the inbetweeen for many more month,s weve done it long enough and he knows me. afterwards he took me to his sister’s birthday party with all of his family members and was calling me his gf in front of his friends and family… but I am still confused with the messages to other girls. Do you really think the messages mean he isnt serious about me? what should i do?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      keep your word.. if you really dont want him talking to other girls, thrn dont stay..or he’ll just keep doing it if you stay because you stayed.. why would he change when you’re still there? That means you’re the one not being serious with your standards.. that means you can do the inbetween because you didn’t leave

    • Olivia says:

      Well we weren’t exclusive when he was messaging these girls. And when i asked him about it he told me they are just friends. i cant really prove they are any more than that at this point… I would think now that we are exclusive and I have set my standards…. if he breaks them now or isnt loyal I would stand by my word and end it. You think since he was messaging girls when we werent exclusive yet that i gave him the impression that its okay to do that and that i will stick around if he does that?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      nope of course not.. that’s why you’re setting it clear now.. it’s a different story if he keeps doing it whne you’re you already made it clear that you and him are exclusive.

    • Olivia says:

      Hi again. So after your last note I made it clear that I won’t be okay with him asking these girls to do 1:1 activities or being flirty in messages and he agreed, (and also denied ever messaging one of these girls, or at least pretended like he didnt remember…) he said if i ever feel that hes inviting other girls on dates for my own good i should end things with him but that he has no interest in doing that. Everything has been going great, he has been treating me really well and we have been visiting one another every week or 2 weeks. hes been hanging out with my family a lot, spoiling me…etc. He even asked me to move in with him in his town. BUT last weekend when we were together he was showing me something on his phone and I saw that he had been talking to one of these girls on snapchat (the one he sent an instagram message to asking her to go to some food spot together while we werent exclusive yet). I glanced away and didnt say anything in the moment because I wasnt sure how i felt about it yet and wanted to think before reacting. We have talked about this girl and he claims they have been friends for years and thats all she is to him although I know there must have been a little more going on btwn them when we were broken up due to the activities they would do together and her posting pics of them together (free game- he wasnt dating me and we werent even talking) but now that i have given things more thought it does bother me to know he is still keeping in touch with someone that he most likely had feelings for …. as far as i know they rarely ever text (i never see her name pop up) and could have been a very innocent snapchat of anything that he just commented back to (hes very friendly and outgoing person in general with everyone) but it still makes me feel a little uneasy. do i have a right to feel this way? i dont know if i want to say anything since the moment has passed and i dont want him to think i dont trust him. I just dont want him crossing any lines or making me feel uncomfortable especially when hes asking me to move to his town and pick up my whole life for him. i want to feel like hes 100% committed with 0 doubts in my mind before doing that. are my feelings of being bothered warranted or am i overthinking something that isnt an issue? please lend me some guidance

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Talk to him about it..trust is earned..It’s not something that depends on others.. If you dont trust that person that means he/she didn’t earn it

  13. Ryan says:

    My ex boyfriend broke up w me 2 months ago and left me for another guy. A month into that relationship they broke up but just yesterday he told me they got back together again. I can see that my ex still cares about me as he didn’t want to hurt me by telling me that they were back together until I kind of drilled it out of him. Is this still considered a rebound or GIGS? I really do want to try and get a second chance but he also mentioned he feels that what he has done is not forgivable and that he doesn’t feel the same way anymore. I’m at a lost for what to do. Try and “be there” and continue being nice or just forget about it and move on?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      being nice? he left you twice for the same guy, that will show you have no standards.. either you do a no contact period or move on.

  14. Jemma S says:

    I have been back in touch with my ex for about 4 months now. We dated for about 3 years and didn’t talk for about 6 months after we mutually broke up due to distance/fighting. We are still in a distance relationship (2 hour by plane) but he has been pursuing me for about 3 months now- comes to visit, invites me to family and friend gatherings, texts me almost daily, calls me… and so on. After we broke up there was another girl that he started to “date” but lied to me about. She was always posting pictures of them together, they hung out and did a lot together, she met all his friends. Well, as far as I know that ended when he started talking to me again, but now I just found out they are talking again. I don’t know if it’s as friends or more than friends, and he and I aren’t exclusive or anything, but he has been leading me on and I am supposed to go visit him soon. I don’t know what to do… if he is still talking to someone he has feelings for and me, I don’t want to get hurt or played… what do I do? please help.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      why not ask him about it?

    • Jemma S says:

      I guess I am nervous he won’t be honest about it since he tried to hide it from me last time and knows I wouldn’t be okay with it. (if they are more than just friends this time around) I am also angry that he has been leading me on to believe he wants to date me, only for me to find out there is someone else in the picture that he has feelings for. I feel confused. Why would he say he wants to try things with me again and then also be talking to someone else?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      it would still be better to ask instead of assume.. if he lies, that means you’re right, he is leading you on..can be because he’s trying to gauage which one he has a safer chance with

    • Jemma S says:

      SO I asked him if he’s seeing anyone else. He responded he doesn’t know what / who I am talking about and the only girl he has been interested in dating seriously since we broke up or would even consider dating is me.

      I would assume she is the safer bet since they live in the same place and him and I are LD which makes things harder. I wish I would have worded my inquiry differently – and asked if he is talking to anyone else. I visited him and he left himself logged in on my computer and I read messages from him to her over the past few months mainly tagging each other in shopping items and food so I guess fairly harmless….but also clear they are in fact speaking again. There was also a message in there from about 3 months ago where he sends a restaurant name and tells her they should go together. And a message to a different girl asking her out to dessert. That said…. we were talking almost every day at that point and visiting one another, but I guess technically didn’t have any conversations about dating one another again or being exclusive…

      I don’t know if I should trust him or not. If he has only been interested in dating me seriously since we broke up, why was he going to date like events with another girl. And how can he say he wasn’t dating her when I am almost positive they were sleeping together too? Meeting friends and family? It doesn’t add up to me? Being LDR it causes trust issues for me they are talking again even if it is just as friends since within past year they were romantic.

      I also asked him what we are doing, if we are friends, more than friends, etc. and he said he thought we were dating already and seeing how things go (about a month ago we said we would trial relationship to see if we wanted to get back together) but that the last month or so hasn’t been the most enjoyable…. I was being more distant and probably seemed a little jealous or protective because I am frightened of getting hurt if there’s more than 1 girl in his head. And I got upset so we couldn’t finish the conversation and really nail down what were doing. I don’t want to push the other girl issue to far. I told him I wanted to continue the conversation about where we are headed again soon. I don’t want to waste my time if it’s headed nowhere or I am going to end up hurt or if he is leading me on. What should I say? How should this conversation go? Did I ruin my chances? PLEASE HELP.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      why not ask to be exclusive?

  15. Giulia says:

    Dear Amor

    My ex boyfriend and I have a long history for a couple of years now.
    We’ve been together for just a couple of months, more than two years ago, but we kept seeing each other and tried to just remain friends.. He broke up with me as I was going to move to another city a couple of hours away and he didn’t wanted to try a long distance. Eventually it took a while and I just moved a couple of months ago.

    At this moment he’s having a new girlfriend: there together for a few months now, actually since I have moved. As I have read some articles on the website, I have implemented the strategy of ‘just being there’ and I guess it is working or at least a bit.

    We talk and text a lot and I guess he is really enjoying our conversations, but something strage happened and I actually didn’t know how to respond. He told me that he had a dream about me and actually it was a really sexual dream about me. I found it kind of strange that he told me about this dream and actually really wanted to talk about it with me as he is having a girlfriend. So I ended the conversation, but later that day he texted me and really wanted to tell me about this dream. As I thought he was crossing a certain line, so I told him and he told me he was thinking about breaking up with his current girlfriend as he didn’t felt ‘it’ anymore. He hasn’t told me anything about his relation or anything about this since then, but can I ask him about it or am I crossing a certain line if I do?

    English isn’t my first language so hopefully you’ll understand

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Giulia,

      when was that conversation? For now, let him be..

    • Giulia says:

      2,5 to 3 weeks ago. Between then and now they were on a holiday for a week and I guess he didn’t wanted to break up with her just a few days before their week off and ruin everything..
      I haven’t texted or talked with him during their week off.

      So it is better if I don’t ask him anything about his current situation and thaughts with/about his girlfriend?
      Or can I ask it, but not explicity, just if it comes up during our conversations in some way?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      don’t ask for now.. have you done the no contact period?

    • Giulia says:

      Thank you for the advice.
      Yes I have done the no contact period for 31 days, a few months ago when I moved to the other city.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      ok.. just dont ask for now..keep building rapport

    • Giulia says:

      If he doesn’t mention anything, when will be right to ask him about it?
      In a week or in two weeks? Or only if he mentions anything in the conversation?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      let a week pass first.. so that you’ve given him enough time before asking that yourself

    • Giulia says:

      Today he told me about his current situation with his girlfriend and he said he felt fine and everything’s alright betweend them.. Do you have any advice for me to do? Is this just a matter of time and should I wait and act like I do now in our conversations? Or should I do something else or do a new period of NC?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      just continue being there and building rapport

    • Giulia says:

      Dear Amor,

      I am trying to just be there, but as he has told me he suddenly feels fine for now with his girlfriend: he is acting really distant to me. He doesn’t ignore me, but he is always keeping our conversations short, says he’s busy and I feel like he isn’t engaged in our conversations or anything with me anymore. Is there anything I can do for now?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      that’s normal… that’s why you just have to keep doing what you’re doing while improving yourself too because he needs to see you’re the better option over time

    • Giulia says:

      Dear Amor

      I know I have asked for your advice a lot, but I am a bit confused richt now.

      Last week I went to my former city where I visites him as a surprise. I can tell you he really liked to see me by the look in his eyes and how he reacted and everything.

      Now I am back home and he’s acting distant again, which you explained to me, but I did also received some advice over the mail from the recovery team and you’re both giving me different advices.

      You’re advising me to just be there but I did also receive some advise to do another no contact rule.

      So which one is the best to do or should I try something in between?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      was it leia? we can have different perspectives.. if she told you that after knowing that he became distant after you went there by surprise, that means we would have the same advice.. but if she did advice that before, you can choose which one you think is best.. But right, now, I would want you to do nc because you went there without enough rapport.. don’t rush things.. yeah, he was happy because he didn’t see you for a long time, but not because he really wanted to see you because he’s starting to get attracted again.

    • Giulia says:

      Dear Amor

      Thats alright, I knew I wasn’t the right time to do this.. I did it before but that was when I lived nearby and when he had asked me to come over. So I went by as a surprise back then and it worked great. But now I am getting really anxious about the whole situation. So I’m might doing stupid things and declining all my chances..

      But that’s alright, I will do another nc. Yes I have recieved the other advice from Leia, but that was before I went to see him.

      But I understand I will start all over again. She suggested a 30 day, is that also what you would suggest? Or do you think it might be better to do a shorter or longer Nc?

      Thank you!

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      For me, yeah, do 30 days.. take your time.. if you need it to go 45, that’s ok..

    • Giulia says:

      That’s alright. I will do a 30 day at first and if it feels better to do a 45 day I will extend it.

      But is the intention to start everything all over again by implemend all the strategies with texting and phone calls or is the intention to just implemend the being there strategy?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      approach it like a restart, that means it will be day 1 of building rapport again after nc..dont stop improving yourself while building rapport

  16. ale says:

    Hi!!! i broke with my boyfriend 1.5 months ago.
    Went to the NC period of 23 days. i started texting him and he responded possitive. He told me that weekend he was going to be on vacation on a bachelor party, to Los Cabos (we are from Mexico).
    he uploaden pictures with his friends on the plane, and later, he uploaded 5 videos taken by his ex girlfriend (from 6 years ago, when they where in highschool, and everyone knows how slutty she is), they where in the beach, taking trips on a kayac, every video was taken by her, my heart was broken.
    She lives there (in Los Cabos) im sure they will not be seeing each other again anytime soon.
    I IGNORED ALL THAT. my NC period was over and started texting.
    He responded quick, but short.
    Today he agreed to give me my shoes that where at his place. and he was extra friendly (just a week ago was with the slutty ex gf),
    he told me how great i looked. twice.
    he joked about how much i changed after we broke up.
    He was interested in what i had to say and told me about how his family was doing.
    We chatted half an hour and i left.

    2 hours latter i texted him and he answered me possitive and with long answers. he even sent me a video of what he was doing in the moment, then a pic and i said good bye because i had things to do.
    He answered me asking me more things which i didnt respond.

    AM I IN THE RIGHT PATH? im not sure on how to work the being there technique.
    Also im going out of town for the next 2 weeks, so i wont be here. should i keep texting him??
    Or NC again? im confused.

    We both are 26 years old, i dont know if that matters

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Ale,

      yes, you’re on the right path.. you can text during the vacay too..

  17. drizzy says:

    hi amor! you told me to read this article, and so i did. well the thing with my ex is he’s not dating this new girl, but they definitely have a thing. i’m not entirely sure how i can make myself present in his life when he doesn’t seem to care or want me. it hurts so bad seeing him with someone new, and him going out of his way for her like he used to do to me. i try to stay present by talking to him sometimes since he’s in my 2nd period. but i feel like he wants absolutely nothing to do with me. i feel like he just wants me to move already so he can get over me fully. i don’t want to leave him. i love him. it makes me sad knowing him and i might never be on good terms again. what do you think i should do amor? how do i make myself present without showing “interest.” i don’t want him to think i’m less than, that’s why i never initiate. he doesn’t care to talk to me anymore either.. please amor! any advice on how to make myself present in his life without showing him that i still have feelings. it’s hard to play out..

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Honestly, it’s looking your best always, being your best. If it’s awkward for him, then don’t approach to talk much but smile if you bump into each other or you can try to be candid like tell him, “Hey, I’m moving soon. I hope I can leave with us being in good terms at least.”

    • drizzy says:

      i would love to stay friends and definitely leave on good terms! do you think i should tell him right before i leave or sometime soon. do i pull him aside and ask to talk, or randomly go up to him and say that? i really just need that closure or just to know we’re on good terms. i wanna leave off on the right foot. even if i move, he’lol probably never speak to me again, but as long as i can tell him i’d like to be on good terms. how and when should i tell him? at lunch he hangs out with that girl…so i’m not really sure when i should tell him?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      don’t make it so serious when you tell him, maybe when you pass by him at class when he’s alone or if you’re handing something over to him.

    • drizzy says:

      i might be over dramatic or over thinking, but i can tell he’s happy liking this new girl. when he walked by me today, he barely smiled and he kinda gave me like this “don’t care about u” look. i think we both really just need to talk. it would be so good to communicate, but it’s not going to be that way only because i can tell he doesn’t want me near him. it hurts me. i’m sorry for being repetitive, but it’s going to be hard for me to straight up say “hey i’m moving soon, can we at least be on good terms?” i know he might just say “ya, we’re good.” he’s subtle. never wants to give his all so i always wanna give up, but i never will. he’s soooo good at the games he plays, and i feel like i’m constantly loosing. it’s hard. & if you were in my shoes, would you say it sooner or later in may when i leave?

    • drizzy says:

      & also, do you think it would be inappropriate of me to ask one of his friends? i was honestly thinking of opening up to his friend shane because shane and i are kinda close. like i said, him and i have allll mutual friends. it’s hard for them to pick “sides” i guess. i was wanting to go to shane just because he understands & he never has one sided opinions. i would love to go to my ex straight up, but i just don’t want to bother ESPECIALLY if he has a thing for someone else. i know how it feels to “like” someone else. you forget about your ex and don’t care about that. basically you don’t want anything to do with them, so that could be his thoughts towards me..

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      I would do it sooner and I would be indifferent to establish that he’s being silly being a snob but I wouldn’t involve his friends. Because if he doesn’t want to chase, involving his friends looks like chasing to him.

  18. Tam says:

    Basically me and my ex broke up around a month ago and I’m 20 and he’s 25! (2 days before my birthday which is January 7 haha!) He didn’t want to break up before my birthday but a week prior to the breakup I was feeling it coming and I had anxiety about it so I told him we had to talk and so we ended up breaking up. He was nice enough to come to my birthday surprise on the 6th of jan and even wanted to take me out like he had planned for my birthday on jan 7 but I told him to talk face to face one last time instead. He basically said that I was the best girlfriend he ever had and that he loved the most and the way his previous girlfriends treated him was nothing compared to the way I treated him and that he still had feelings for me but that it had to end. Things is you might be thinking he’s lying but I know the guy very well and he is never the type to say stuff just to make others feel better he’s very blunt. He told me he broke up for several reasons: he didn’t feel the chase anymore, basically that I had become this needy and clingy person (not his words but me interpreting what he meant), the relationship was getting too serious (I’ve never made it seem serious since I never met his parents or talked about marriage) and finally because of the problems (I did make a lot of fights for no reason and stupid ones too so I understand this reason). I thought the breakup was clean and I just talked to him 2 days after the break up briefly but didn’t beg or anything because I had read other sites about these mistakes to avoid and so I started the no contact rule. Thing is I bumped into him a week after the breakup and his friend who really wanted us to fix things gave us space for me and him to talk. I didn’t say I wanted him back but I basically told him that I’m glad I had this time and the way we were we had to breakup because I really became dependent on him, needy etc and that this wasn’t the person I am because I wasn’t like that in the beginning of the relationship and he knows what kind of person I am. He seemed to be impressed but that was it. I was dealing with the breakup the best I can and after that he talked to me two times once with an inside joke and the other asking about my university and how’s it going. I was very indifferent both times. Problem is I found out through Instagram that he is dating when I saw a picture of a girl hugging him with hashtags like #boyfriend #girlfriend etc (who does that??) so I got really hurt but still I didn’t talk to him. I mentionned to his friend in a very unobvious way that he was dating and they didn’t know!! The next day he talked to me apologizing and saying he’s sorry for not telling me it happened so fast he’s known the girl for 3 years (happened fast= rebound no? And if he’s known her for 3 years why hasn’t he ever tried anything with her?) I was very indifferent in my replies but after two days I felt like I had to talk to him to get my closure (I probably shouldn’t have but it went better than I thought!) I called him and we ended up meeting Saturday (this last Saturday). I was very cool and calm I told him my intention wasn’t to try to get him back nor to sabotage his relationship (although it perfectly was my actual intention) and he told me he knows I’m not like that etc. I told him that I felt disrespected because he didn’t tell me and that he actually told me that he wouldn’t be with girls or relationship directly after the breakup so he lied to me and it made me wonder if everything else was a lie. He told me he didn’t want a relationship and wasn’t planning on it but it happened. Thing is I know the guy he likes to take his time it took us 3 month to date him and this girl they ended up dating in less than a week (I know another sign of rebound but still). The girl seemed really opposite to what he likes, from the picture she posted she seemed so into him so I was like you told me you didn’t want clingy or chase but here she is exactly like how I was at the end of the relationship but worse this is how she is! He told me the girl isn’t like that in real life although when she posted the picture with the hashtags it scared him because he hadn’t asked her out officially. He also told me that I’m mad because He didn’t give me a chance but that several times before the actual breakup we were going to breakup but never did and that we were unhappy for the last month and a half of the relationship. Although I kept trying to tell him that I was reacting to how he was treating me (push and pull theory) he kept saying that this is how I am in a relationship and he didn’t even want to give us a chance after because in his head we just don’t work out (but I was not convinced). He asked to be friends and I told him I couldn’t but then we started talking about what was going on and brining back good old memories and I really made him very comfortable. This is when the flirting and jealousy started. I slipped it into the convo that I was seeing a guy but felt guilty up until I knew my ex was dating so he got really curious. He wanted to know his name, asked me to show a picture of him and I purposely showed him a snap of the guy hugging me then directly closed my phone as if I didn’t want him to see the picture (but I did 😉 ) he got really mad and asked if I kissed him which I said no to while smiling and then said yes (all mind games) he got really mad saying we won’t last and he even said that he wasn’t gonna marry his current GF he even said that maybe they would end up breaking next week who knows. Then I started pulling all kinds of tricks on him like telling him if my lipstick was still good, asking him to smell my perfume and he would go like don’t do this to me or don’t let me get to your neck. I even told him how he was dealing with the fact his current gf has no nails and no ass (he used to be obsessed with my nails and ass) so he kept looking at my nails with agony and touching my hand. I have to mention with all modesty that the new guy I told him about is way better looking than him and that I am way better looking than the girl. Not to be so snob but there is no comparison and I know that the fact the guy is hotter would bother him. Also I’m a premed student in the hardest and well known uni in my country while she is doing some musicology shit in some shit university. Anyways the guy was being very flirty and touchy like touching my face, stomach etc and he finally told me he was still attracted to me and that I had to tell him to stop. At one point he got so close we were going to kiss but I turned. I was very confused because there he was telling me he got with her so fast cause they clicked and found things in her he liked although she seems to be nothing like what he looks for aka stupid and desperate and needy (I even asked someone about her that told me the girl is so easy and talks to so many guys) yet he is still with her but did do all of those things with me. Also, I asked him indirectly and found out that they already did some stuff (says a lot about the girl no? They date in 3 days and she already does stuff with him?) Like he even told me If he wanted to make things work he would have kept talking to me all the time but he didn’t basically these are my questions:
    1) Is he really not wanting to give us a chance at all or is there way to change his mind?
    2) is this girl a rebound or not? Like why would he even get in a relationship if he felt so smothered with me right after we broke up and what if he actually likes her or end up liking her because this is what he’s claiming!
    3) is there anything I can do or should do now or how do get him back? Do I talk to him or do I leave him, what’s the best way to get him back to me?
    4) what happened when we met up because I got really confused as to his mixed signals! Is the fact he’s attracted to me a good thing or does it only mean he looks at me physically or?

    I forgot to add that he was the one chasing me in the beginning but the tables turned at the end! I know this is so long but I really hope you read it all because I really need some advice since I’m way too confused like this!

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Tam,

      It’s probaby his ego at play when he knew you dated other guys because he’s used to you being clingy to him.
      but more likely, she’s not a rebound.. no matter how incompatible you think they are, and how easy she is.. if he said you’re clingy and then went to her, then that leans more on the grass is greener case.. There’s something about her that he finds interesting.. As the cliche goes, actions speak louder than words..he told what’s pleasant and then did something else.. I think you should start with not explaining yourself always.. just do things.. Be active in having your own routine.. If you want, restart the nc, do 30 days and then after that continue improving yourself while slowly building rapport.. Dont ask to be friends, dont tell him you’re just being friendly(unless he asks) just be friendly..

  19. Desiree says:

    I just had a whirlwind no-sexual but very close relationship end abruptly. It only lasted a month and a half. He texted and called constantly. Told me he wanted to spend every moment with me and did so. He picked me up from work every night and always had an adventure or just wanted to go out to eat and always wanted to hold my hand. Even progressed into telling me he loves me. We did so many fun things together in such a short time. He was completely respectful, even telling me that he loved me more for waiting to have sex. I told him my next would be my last and I wanted to be married to him. But we did get very passionate. We went to church together and he said let’s go every week. After church out for lunch and so laughing and happy. Just acting so in love. I had to work at 2pm and he was just driving around. I asked him where we were going. He said no where he just wanted to be with me up until 2pm. We are so new to each other but that day we both shared more intimate personal information. He had already told me his mom died when he was 16. Now he was telling me that it was on Feb 14 so he doesn’t feel the same about Valentine’s Day. I shared that I am adopted and about how I grew up away from my ethnic culture (which is similar to his) and how I didn’t even know my ethnic background until a dna test a few years back. I was a little misty about this and he pulled over the car. Said the most lovely words about how it was not my fault, how my adoptive parents were angels (I ALWAYS say that. My siblings never say it. One of hundreds of examples of how we always say the same things, eat and drink the same, really obscure interests, neither of us knows anyone else that shares so much of our unique interests and backgrounds like we were going through the same experimentations about life in different places. We are constantly getting freaked out by how much we have in common.) So he takes me to work and we’re making out like crazy as usual before I begin. He asks if he can pick me up at 6pm when I leave. Of course. But at 4pm he calls. His voice is troubled. He says he has a problem. I could tell it was serious. I got into understanding perfect woman mode and told him it’s okay. Handle your business. I’ll see you tomorrow. I started send encouraging texts. All night he never answered. Not like him. We were stuck together like glue. He texted me like crazy all day with photos of where he was funny memes, hearts, and I love you and how great he thinks I am different from other women messages. After 10pm he just texted that I should get some rest. He has texted this before but always with hearts and I love yous. This time no and I COULD FEEL IT WAS DIFFERENT. Eventualy I cracked and texted a question of if he waa going to have sex with another woman. Just something I felt even though he only had eyes for me when we were out. But I’m a pisces and maybe a little psychic? He’s cancer and we’re said o be perfectly matched. It felt that way.

    The next morning he calls me and tells a story: 2 years ago he met a girl from another country (he is also from another different country) in an English language class (we all speak spanish but I was born and raised in US with english as my 1st language). She became his gf. She went back to her country. They were over. She showed up yesterday when he left me. He was talking to her now. He told her about me. She was angry. You already know what I said. He said he never thought this would happen. She was gone and they had broken up but she arrived to reclaim the relationship. He was struggling but all I could think about was how horny I had gotten this guy and not had sex with him. A couple hours later he calls and said they’re back together. They’ve had sex. I’m hysterical in my reply. He says she’s his gf
    I say but I’m your gf. He says no. Can you imagine the pain? We had never had an argument or disagreement. In the preceefing month and a half we both talked and looked at each other like we were enamored. Now we hung up and I send messages about my devastation. He had asked me to never give him up on many occasions. So now I text reminding him that she had left him and I never would have. How he said he’d never leave me. How I’m not going anywhere and he now has two gf’s. He texted back a long message. It was very compassionate repeating that he never expected this as they were finished, that she left her country and job as a lawyer for him, that I am a special woman and he is not worth it. He said he hoped God and I could forgive him for losing me. He said it was not just about sex as I had accused because before me he went out a lot. He asked for me to seek God for comfort and peace and that he feels super bad and that he is not a man of God and not worth it (although coincidentally my church was not new to him he had been there like it and the pastor and said he wanted to go weekly plus touched my leg when they were talking about the premarital classes). The most compassionate kind lovely break up ever. Then texted it hurt so much to read my texts of my pain please don’t send anymore. He used praying hand iconsa few times. So i replied all the pathetic love you and wait for you stuff. I’ve sent songs that I know touglch him -obscure favorite artist in common. I sent a drunk rambling text. I sent pathetic photo strip of sadness. 5 texts in two weeks. No reply. Maybe I’m blocked. I don’t have the courage call and find out. The new gf prolly had him block me. That would be better than seeing that stuff I suppose. But I have his other phone number too. So should I send condolences on Feb 14 since I love him and know it will be rough day. Latinos always grieve the loss of loved ones yearly. Or is it still a nc day. And shpuld I even bother. I think she is the ungettable girl and I was the rebound. But we had been surprisingly perfect together. He definitely took my standard to new level and I see I had settled in every relationship before him.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Desiree,

      I’m not familiar with how your culture is, but do you greet each other condolences on death of a family every year even if so many years had passed? If you’re going to do nc, better to not greet him..

    • Desiree says:

      Yes if you know and don’t reach out with words of comfort it’s kinda not nice. it’s common to express yearly condolences because latinos grieve and commemorate yearly with flowers in the home, trips to the gravesite (which is especially difficult and sad if you can’t go because you are out of the country so tgen you’re expressing a deeper level of sadness for the hurt added to injury) and special dinners. People always relive it. You’ve heard of the Day of the Dead? Commemorating a loved one’s death is a big thing and another loved one would be considered heartless to not acknowledge the deceased. But am I too removed from the loved one circle? Also, about her seeming as the ungettable girl and me being the rebound? Does that ruin my chances? Please answer thoughtfully and not a canned “yes you have a chance”. I read alot on this site and Chris is always honest even with bad news. Thanks so much.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      ah.. well, if it’s really like that then yes, greet him.. but only make it about that.. the chances actually depend more on your mindset and improvement..if she’s an ungettable girl, give her a good fight by focusing in improving yourself first. continue that even building rapport, if it doesnt work later on then move on
      dont give up too early just because you worry about them

    • Desiree says:

      Thank you. I’ll offer my condolences and follow a text example I read here somewhere about saying I need to work on me now, but nothing more, and begin 30 days nc. Thank you

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      ok, you’re welcome!

  20. Lilly says:

    What if your ex and you broke up in November and you found out in January he is dating a new person is that rebound too ? And he told me to move on when I texted him a flirty message. Also I have texted him and he always opens them and it says read but he never respond we dated for a year. So yea I can’t be there since he doesn’t want to talk to me right now.

  21. Eeda says:

    Hi, so does the being there strategy mean that you should friendzone yourself on purpose? What about if the ex boyfriend wanted to stay friends after the breakup but you declined when he told you about the new girl? It’s been only a month after the breakup I think it’s a rebound

  22. J says:

    Happy new year!

    Sorry for my English in advance, I’m not english speaker 🙁

    My ex broke up with me at 13th Dec after almost 1year relationship(we both in early 20s, He is younger than me)
    Our relationship was great, we discussing about marrige too. Even at that day we broke up we had great time together at his home too.
    But while he and I watched movie using his phone one txt was popped up, that sender had messanger profile picture
    that selfie of unknown girl(sender) and my ex
    I’m so embarrased also pissed off all of sudden then started asking him who is that girl
    He kept telling me she’s “just friend”. But i thought at least he trying to see another girl, because one day he lied me
    that he met his friend(guy) but i saw that guy on street by accident and he didn’t know about that. so I asked my ex if at
    that day you met that girl then he adimitted.
    I couldn’t stop crying, he finally yelled at me that i’m overeacting and said we’re done. Then he insisted she is friend, he met her to get advise about
    christmas event for me, he bought for ring for me blah blah blah… But I knew its lie. Because whenever I found his fault, he always insist that kinda story. (He is immature lol)

    I left his home and saw he changed his profile picture to selfie of him and her from mine
    I was in shock, feel betrayed etc.
    But he kept texting me like that sorry, i just need time, love you baby.. So i asked him why he had to change his picture to selfie of you two
    Then he said he wanted to let me know she is just friend
    I thought its bull shit but anyway i kept contacting with him. But i felt he hangout with that girl in this period.

    At 20th Dec he asked me out saying he wanna see me and talk with me so i met him.
    He acted like boyfriend as before when we met, so i said him we broke up and what u wanna do
    He said he wanna get back together from christmas day. I almost agreed with him, we promised meet at Christmas.

    But 2days after(22nd Dec) He suddenly said me he has family problem and he in pain, hes so stressful now etc so he needed time to be alone,
    and asked me like “If you really love me, you would wait for me.”
    So i said him he can tell me his problem but he said he afraid if he take his anger to me out.
    Also he said he wanna be alone at Christmas so we can meet 26th Dec.

    … I was sure that he just need time to meet that girl more and wanna meet her at Christmas.

    My self-esteem was destroyed, my plan for christmas with him was ruined. so i ignored his text til 24th to see what happened.
    And finally I saw he uploaded his relationship status with that girl on his facebook at 24th Night.
    Funny thing was that status was saying they started relationship 15th. (2days after we broke up)

    Its sooo hurted me. My friend was pissed off, she called him.
    Then he texted me a lot like that “I love you, i promise i will come back for you somedays, I just needed break thats all, Soon we will date again i promise…”
    So i replied just merry christmas.

    He didn’t contact me after that text but he sent me a instagram request then cancelled it at 2nd Jan.
    I thought it could be mistake. But a day after that day (3th Jan) he texted me “Happy New Year Kitty” (kitty was my nickname that he called me)
    And I cannot say anything till now BC i dont know what should I do even tho i wanna keep NC

    My questions are..

    1. He is in rebound or had grass is greener syndrome or both? (His friend told me he met that girl in person just once before we broke up. So he started dating with that girl after he hungout with that girl just twice or three times)
    2. I wanna make him miss me, so What’s best way to deal with his text “happy new year”?

    I’m so sorry to its too long text.
    Also thank you so much for reading my story.
    I’ll looking forward to hearing from u 🙂

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      HI J,

      it’s a grass is greener syndrome. For me, if you really want him to respect you, don’t let him treat you like somebody he can just go back to despite of what he did. Move on. He has to see and think that you’re that girl just waiting for him.

  23. Fiore says:

    Hi Amor,

    I am in the following situation and for me it is quite complicated to handle everything right now, so I really need some advice. I will try to explain my situation in a nutshell and I have received some advice already, but I’m not sure if it is the best thing I can do, so if you have another idea of what’s the best thing to do, i would love to hear it!

    My ex boyfriend and I know each other for three years and we started dating almost 2 years ago, as from the beginning he was chasing me, but I wasn’t ready for it so he actually waited almost a year for me to be his girlfriend; I was a kind of his ungettable girl. After a few months he broke up with me as we didn’t had much time for each other and I was going to move a few hours away.

    We remained friends, texted a lot and saw each other when we could as I hadn’t moved a couple of hours away by then.
    But I just have moved to another city, almost two months ago. So we texted, called and saw each other still for two years after the break up. Of course we had our ups and downs but eventhough everything we became stronger everytime; I really believe our relation is stronger than we had when we were a happy couple.

    I have made some principle huge mistakes; he always knew I would be there for him; so I am not the ungettable girl anymore, he knows I want him back and we have slept with each other many times after the break up.

    A month before I actually moved out of the city, we had a great conversation about life and about us and that things will eventually get in our favor, when it is our time. We really believe in our chemistry and in everything that’s going on between us. But a month after I had moved, he became distant to me and we had some trouble in getting a long; we never had been in trouble with each other and we never have had a fight. At first I taught he became distant, because of the real distant there is between us., but turns out; that’s not whats going on.
    A couple of weeks ago we have spent the weekend together at his place and when I was back home he told me why he was so distant to me (the last few weeks and during the weekend I was at his place; he is seeing another new girl and they are actually a sort of a couple since ‘now’.
    Before her and after me he have had another girlfriend and he acted the same when he was with that girl for a while; he became distant to me, said that I had to move on, forget about him,( you know stuff like that) a This time he is doing the same thing; he is saying he doesn’t want to be with me as he’s now with her etcetera, but he wants to remain friends or actually do everything like we did before and act like we did before.

    It feels like it is harder for me this time than when he had something with the other girl, maybe because it makes me really fearfull for losing him as I am not around the corner anymore. Or losing him at all.

    I was thinking about doing a no contact for 21-30 days, as I understand he has to miss me and make him feel he had lost a great girl in his life. Thereby so that I can improve and become his ungettable girl again. Is this a good idea or should I try something else? Or is it really too late to do a no contact on him? If so feel free to give me advice in what’s the best to do in my situation. I do really want to know what’s the best thing to do for me.
    I truly believe in us, it may be not the right time, but I don’t think love is love, if you just can stop loving someone!

    I would love to hear from you!

    (I am really sorry if my english isn’t understandable or great, it is not my first language. So hopefully you can understand).

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      HI Fiore,

      You’ve been chasing him so long, I think you need to do at least 45 days, and really make it seem you’re moving on and don’t ever sleep with him again.

  24. R says:

    Hi Amor,
    Me and my ex situation is a bit tricky. He started seeing this new girl while he’s still with me. He told me he feels I am not the one, so he told me he won’t commit to me, but I didn’t want to break up…so that’s how it happened. I just found out he’s going to an event with this new girl…I think it’s probably bad idea if I go there unintentionally and see them there right? Maybe I will feel hurt more? I know who she is already, so it’s not like I am there to find out who she is. I read the guide, but I am not sure how do I make myself “present” without crossing the line? Any other suggestions? Thank you.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi R
      have you done the no contact rule? So, for a long time you stayed in contact because you still love him, if you showed up in that concert it would look like you’re keeping an eye on him right? Staying present will only help if he thinks you have moved on and improved and if your presence doesn’t look intentional..

  25. cammi says:

    Hi, sorry to msg again!

    But I have a really important question regarding my ex bf that we are friends now and have been sexually involved and getting close for about a year and half.. but now obviously we aren’t as good and he is trying to “breakup” when we arent even together.. and thinks being friends is best. (which is funny a week ago he said he still loved me and cared thats why he keeps messaging my friend how i am etc) so now I WAS wondering after reading Chris’s outline about reverse psychology and the male mind etc… if I suddenly act very calm and cool and collected instead of the past week of being clingy and needy and obsessive.. (it made him feel pressured thus deciding to “give up” because of me pushing so much..) will he find it weird and think “wow … why is she suddenly going cold turkey and wow we’re laughing again and having a more relaxed time..” won’t he think to himself why does she not care? or basically “end” the “breakup” by happy memories.. he agreed to come by mine and relax and talk to my mum.. don’t think he has given up yet. NC will really help like you said but after i see him I will begin on the 25th.. I will have fun show him how i usually am a good time then BAM stop everything..

    I even asked him last year when he came back and we got close again “So if I acted like i didn’t care and showed no emotion and just backed off.. would you be leaning towards me more since I wasn’t acting psycho?” he replied while smiling “yeah… to be honest I think it would’ve worked if you didnt give me attention” I just replied “wow!” and smiled back.

    Whenever the pressures of fights and controlling happens he gets doubts … and he even said the excuse with his mum was an excuse it was more him wanting to run away from drama.. so my WHOLE POINT IS… what if I stop the drama 😉 what if i act like I do not care and act like the UG ??? Men want what they cannot have right… he can have me now thats why he doesnt! when i gave him space and he was talking to my friends and his asking for opinion he wasn’t sure, he was 50/50 then he randomly decided OK NOW ILL JUST STOP (because of my constant begging..) won’t that confuse him? HE is emotional and sensitive too so he is applicable on working with the RP method Chris said.

    ALSO i have done the begging and calling and texting which pushed him to FINALLY decide even if he doesn’t want the outcome.. is reverse psychology still applicable since I know him so well and since i asked him last year (after the first time we broke up) he agreed “yeah.. as bad as it sounds, you being cold and distant and not begging or crying would’ve made me want to come back or try”

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Cammi,
      the change has to be genuine because later on he will notice that you are in this pattern of ignoring him.. And if he doesnt act the way you want him to, what will you do? Go back begging? The ungettable girl talks first, and when it’s clear that the guy doesnt have the same core values or interests or doesnt meet the non negotiables, she walks away even if it hurts..

    • cammi says:

      Yes I know, I saw him yesterday and he talked to my mum and me and was very honest and he said he still loves me but obviously only wants to be friends… we had sex and regretted it and how he had no self control. He admitted to liking the other girl AND i think he was up until 3 am talking to her… My mother said to let him do as he wishes be free since he always needs time to realise what he wants for a 22 year old boy. He does not want to be committed with anyone but for now… he does not want a relationship with me. I am very upset but I am glad my mum sensed he still loved me and her verbally told me he does still, the mother issue was an excuse but when another girl comes his way he acts weird.. and likes talking to them… he doesn’t want to give me hope for the future but he knows nothing is certain in the future he only tells me “no future, no hope” so i don’t obsess even if he believes we might and we could… but for my sanity he has to be “savage” as he says… He kisses me and hugs me. He feels bad that I am being too kind and my family too but he cannot do the same… he knows he can’t get better than me..but maybe because he knows he can have me he doesn’t ?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      He doesnt know you’re the best because he can have you? I think he knows you’re the best so far, maybe he just thinks there can be someone better or he knows you’ll wait for him

  26. cammi says:

    Hi,

    So I have previously messaged and you said maybe it’s time for me to move on because he is not ready NOW… but when he agrees to just be friends and not want a commitment with anyone.. then maybe he moves on with someone else? To me that won’t last, only because he did this with another girl then he broke up with her 3-4 months later due to being long distance and him caring less.. I was just wondering, that I am seeing him for the last time on monday then wednesday to have dinner for our birthday then thursday with our other friend and he agreed and said he wont bail. That is not the issue.. Imagine I went from 100-0… If i was begging and crying before to not really caring and ending on a fun and stress free note? He will be so shocked.. because when my second ex and i broke up.. my olderknown ex- ryan and i started talking because he messaged me.. he was telling the girl maybe he shouldn’t of since I was happy and then ruined it thus beginning our cycle again. I also told him when we later became close last year.. “Hey ryan, If i didn’t beg, cry or ask you to keep coming back… would you have made effort and came back? If I didn’t care.. would you?” and he simply laughed a bit and said “i think i would… yeah! then he said I don’t know why but guess thats how humans are wired. When someone tells us they want us so bad and will die for us.. it’s too much but imagine going 100-0.. on scale so quick that we think woah.. where is she?” but that was what he said when we first started getting close and how he doesn’t want to be friends with benefits since it fucks with his head and him getting attached which is fair.. but if we’re friends and he falls inlove will he stop himself or just go for it? The mum issue is an excuse as I asked him ages ago and he said “yeah … it kind of was an excuse, it was more about me wanting to run away and be free of stress and drama, plus someone else was giving him attention!”

    SO with knowing all of that.. and how emotional/sensitive he really is… Would being cold and accepting the breakup of this “no label ” relationship work? as he’s been back twice… since 3 years ago. He does get jealous and if friendship communication are open then that’s not TOO bad? I am seeing him Monday.. what should we talk about or NOT talk about? Should I act like everything is all bliss and cool and shock him I’m taking it ok?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Cammi,
      the change has to be genuine because later on he will notice that you are in this pattern of ignoring him.. And if he doesnt act the way you want him to, what will you do? Go back begging? The ungettable girl talks first, and when it’s clear that the guy doesnt have the same core values or interests or doesnt meet the non negotiables, she walks away even if it hurts..

  27. Ana says:

    My fiancé and I dated for 3 years and we were doing fine and al of sudden he broke it off and it’s been alittle over a month and he’s been hanging out with this girl. He says they’re not dating that it’s not that serious but she sleeps over with him and he’s always hanging out with her …I ended up blocking all contact from him and he calls me from random numbers telling me he misses me and to unblock him in case he needs me and that I’m the love of his life yet he’s still hanging with this girl and he hasn’t contacted me That much these past two days from the other numbers since I blocked him …I’m tired of the games but I also dont want him to move on to another girl especially so soon I don’t understand how he could move on so quickly …what do i do at this point …move on from the man I wanted to Marry or give it time … he freaked out when I blocked him but why do so if you’re not even worrying about me …and I also want to add that for the first month I was being a GNAT…constantly calling and texting because I felt something was up but now I’m in unbearable pain and sadness and just want to be okay at this point is there hope he’ll come back to me …because unfortunately he did this once before and came right back 3 weeks later but that was a mutual breakup up …will he come back this time

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Ana,

      even if you blocked him and you’re not talking to him, have you tried to be active to heal and improve yourself? And the downside of this is that, this already happened before, so it’s sounding like a pattern. But this time, you have to be active in improving yourself. Yeah, he’s calling and texting you if you block him, but it can just mean that he’s used to you being his. If he’s really serious, he will straighten up.

  28. Gail says:

    Hi!

    So my ex dumped me 4 months ago and did the past 3 months he’s been having a girl over constantly. Someone one of his friends used to date. My ex & I are on speaking terms at the moment (he initiated it…although it’s not constant & I’m not putting in an effort because IF he wants to work things out with me I want him to come to me. Im open to it but I’m fine without him even though we dated for a year I’m just not happy with how he seemed to move on so fast so I’m trying to move on myself) and he has yet to bring her up with me. Our talks seem platonic and I’m not interested in being friends.

    Anyways my question is with his new girl, they have yet to come out as official. She spends most days over at his place and according to a friend of hers I talk to she claims they are not dating “just close friends.” Does it seem to be a fwb situation? Because I have my doubts and think she’s his gf and they just hid it given how shady it is soon after dumping me.

    Also the person I know who knows her said she passed his house when she was happening to leave his place in the early afternoon. She said that me ex gave her a close tight hug and a kiss on the cheek. No kiss on the lips. Does that type of parting seem like bf/gf or more just friends? I’m curious. I know when I started spending time at his place and seeing him (we didn’t really date before…like it’s not like he invited me to drinks, movies etc to get to know each other. Our relationship started as fwb and within 2 months we were official. He had the relationship talk. The moment I started sleeping with him before official I’d kiss him on the lips goodbye…)

    So I’m just curious what you think is going on?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Gail,

      if you started that way, then maybe they’re starting that way. But if you are moving on, whatever they do doesnt matter anymore. What matters more is what you do for yourself

  29. Belinda says:

    What if he texts me about are dog , and he wants to know if he can see her sometime. He text me a week after breakup , also wanting a pic of me n my dress at my sons wedding . Then again 2 days later on how was his dog doing. Also on Facebook it shows he’s n a relationship a wk ltr after r breakup. Then told me it was a joke

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Belinda,

      It’s ok to talk about the dog but not about you sending a pic to him on how you look.

  30. RR says:

    my ex boyfriend had broken up with me before and he used to tell he is sleeping around with lots of women and so on.. and i ws calm and told him u do nythng with ur life i wud like us to b able to understand if we can coexist. he was even telling he is in relationship and its serious.. i took it as ok no problem.. im nly asking to understand things thats it…after lots of such things calm he agreed to see things without relation like doing for something that is not a relation but to see if we can make it or whther he will get 1% interest.. it was for 2 months.. was going smooth. i requested lets take sometime anyways we are doing right. he was cooperative and if i dont talk to him for a day i wud get texts or call asking were am i and stuff. went on like that for an year and half. we met in between after months or skype calls and so..anytym can call.. finally he was like am fed upwith ur requests we extended month on month now better we make decision if to be there or not. he was close to me . there is no chance he was with smone else. coz i got him on conversation anytym of the hour and he made sure he is in touch with me.purposely i used to be silent.he used to check on me. and he finally told he isn interested in conversing nymore i shudn be in touch.i told ok cool and in 10 minutes al panick stricken i started beggng n it happened iin breaks for almost two months.first he consoled.then he was annoyed.in between after two moths he even told he is getting married in a month. similiar hehad told long back and then only we were trying to see… any other reasons he tell hr knows i wiil be behind.m suspecting this could be calculated liecould it be

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi RR,

      I’m sorry I just want to make it clear, you’re not actually in a relationship? And at first, you kept talking and seeing each other even if he is seeing somebody else and now, you’re trying to ask him to commit but he doesn’t want to?

  31. Anon says:

    Hi there

    My boyfriend of 1 year 3 months broke up with me last Dec, saying he fell out of love. I found out a few days later he had liked someone else for the past month (not sure if this classifies as leaving me for someone else) and started dating her.

    I did NC for 30 days where he snapchatted me everyday except the last few days. We started talking casually again and a few months later I asked if he likes anyone and he got annoyed saying he doesn’t like anyone, so I guess that rebound didn’t last.

    Recently (around August) I think he’s starting to like someone else but I can’t ask him about it or even be supportive by being there because in the past few months whenever I joked about him finding someone else, he’d be really irritated so the topic is like a taboo.

    What other method can I use apart from being there?

    Thank you

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Anon

      I think it was too much of being there with you, that you became too available..I’m assuming you started talking around January or Feb, and now it’s September.. It looks like you’re friendzoned..

      Did you continue improving yourself and having your own life after the nc? did you date others, even group dates? did you continue meeting new people and making new friends?

    • Anon says:

      Hi Amor

      I haven’t been dating because my parents found out about this one and they’ve been really adamant on not letting me see guys in general except in college. But I’ve been making new friends and doing new activities on a monthly basis. Should i talk to him less for now?

      Thank you

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      hmm.. wait, so that means you can’t really progress things with him too? That means you can only be friends with him for now right? If that’s so, it’s ok to keep talking to him but if you’re trying to get him back, you have to be less available and keep on improving yourself

    • Anon says:

      Okay thank you I’ll do as you advised 🙂

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      You’re welcome!

  32. Reina says:

    My live in boyfriend and i were together for 5 years. We had a lot of ups and downs but there was so much love we stayed together. Recently we broke up, he cited he was just unhappy, he spent to much energy in this relationship and he wants to spend more time pursuing his dreams. He moved out. Its been about 2 months. During this time, he has let me know multiple times that he misses me and loves me and that he has never stopped. He even wanted to spend my birthday/anniversary with me.

    Here is where things get murky, he is staying with a friend of his, a female. In the past this female has showed that she is heavily interested in a relationship with him. I actually believe they have hooked in the past. In the past when he needed to escape the pressures of dealing with our relationship she would always be there in the wings waiting to “make him feel better”. He would come back that evening ok, and fine and just about normal with me. I believe for some time he may have had a secret relationship or hidden desire about this woman. He insisted they were friends. In the end that is where he decided to be, in her house. He still texts me very sweet positive messages EARLY in the morning and searched my social media page and comments from pictures from 2 years ago about how beautiful i am in the pictures. He even recently sat in a store by my house contemplating if he should come upstairs but decided not to he could not manage to see my face when he would say he has to leave. During the last two months we have had sex once and that was over a month ago (he has tried since then, i turned him down; but i have kissed him. He sometimes (not as much anymore) comes to the house when I am not here.

    We had an “honest” conversation a week ago and he admits to having feelings with this girl. He said he can not move forward with her because he will always be thinking about me (mentioned something about karma) and said if he came back home to me, he would always wonder what if, because we have so many issues to resolve. He said he is focused on himself and taking everything one day at a time. He said in the past he has never left me for her and never will. But he left his email open at my house and i read an email from her stating she was happy he was taking a leap in her direction. He didnt tell me the whole truth. I even gave him opportunities to tell me the truth and asked him plain out. I think i am worried he is trying to “breakup” with me slowly and he has made a decision or his actions led her to he has.

    I am just asking what to do. I dont want to be lead on, or become the secret he now holds, or a FWB, or a backup choice because he is testing if his grass is greener. What should be my next step? thanks so much

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Reina,

      you’re already broken up.. and yes, the more you prolong talking to him and giving him the benefits of a relationship, the more he will not come back.. try no contact.. do 45 days

  33. Tabatha says:

    How to I apply NC & the Being there strategy at the same time husband still lives with me and our three children

  34. Uncertain Girl says:

    Hello~ Was looking for some advice.

    My boyfriend of one month broke up with me not quite a month ago. He is 17, I am 20. The relationship was long distance. The breakup was messy. He had almost broken up with me two days before that but decided to stay, however saw it through now. We were not going to talk, but I was such a mess he decided to stick around and be there for me anyway. He played a lot of hot and cold. And I basically begged. Asked him not to leave, lamented the breakup vocally, was an emotional catastrophe. A few days after the breakup he was implying something down the road, but not then because he was such a mess, that he didn’t want to deal with something as complicated as an LDR (ha, you’ll find out why that was a total lie soon enough), and wanted to focus on his school. And then days after that, basically wanted to get back together. I, however, – and this was probably an error on my fault – didn’t agree to it since he wasn’t 100% sure that’s what he wanted. I didn’t help myself at all. I was…very negative. I suffer from anxiety and depression so that makes me a very negative person, but I can rein it somewhat. I just didn’t, for a number of reasons, and I realize that mistake of mine. During our relationship AND the breakup my negativity caused a lot of issues, and I guess that’s what pushed him to this point where we’re at. That’s basically why he broke up with me – he can’t handle my negativity. I have, and am, working on it though and have learned the hard way I can’t let that rule me. I won’t let it again. We stopped spending time together, stopped talking regularly, and linking those to my negativity, it’s no wonder things went badly. Nonetheless, he kept making me promises of sticking around and always being there for me. Just last Sunday, he implied wanting me to come see him in October and being in a relationship again by then, but then Wednesday, he pretty much said he wanted me out of his life. I was going to agree to it, but then he checked my Twitter, aaand… Tried to stay. He tried to be friendly and act normally, but then… I started No Contact, because I hadn’t done the no contact and with everything that had gone on, was probably best to do that. I am 3 days in. It is apparently having a negative effect as he, according to one of his friends, said he likes someone else and is moving on…a few hours ago. She is also long distance. I’ve been reading up on all the guides on here and just, needless to say, finding out he likes someone else and is moving on hit me hard. I’m still committed to NC, I just, I guess I wanted to have someone else look at my situation and give an evaluation. My friends and even friends of his who think he’s being a moron say I should move on, but… You know how it is, I want him back.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Uncertain girl,

      one at a time.. put yourself first. Learn how to change your mindset, get therapy and have your own routine.. Make yourself happy.. Start to do it during no contact period and continue that routine even after it. So, that you don’t make him as the only source of your happiness.. You have to be more emotionally stable before trying to reconnect with him..

      Try to do 45 days of no contact.

    • Uncertain Girl says:

      🙂 I’m definitely working on myself first. Within these past few days I’ve been pursuing things that make me happy and trying to improve myself in areas (clothes shopping, movie, dinner with a girl friend (with more plans to do such things regularly), enjoying my hobbies – it’s been great, and I’ve been cheerful, despite how hurtful things have been), and aiming for a better thought process. I do completely agree. I need to be better emotionally and tame my negativity and emotional instability before reaching out to him again. The fact that my negativity got so bad to him hit me hard, and was probably the event I needed to kick start, “I need to work on me.” I want to be. I hated how negative I was, and it didn’t just suffocate him, it suffocated me too. I began to dislike myself a lot and my insecurities got worse, because of a lot of things that have happened this year. People learn to love their misery, as I did, because bad thing after bad thing happened. So my greatest goal right now is to become the “best possible version of myself”, and find happiness in that first and no matter what, with or without my ex. Which is actually super exciting. Small, everyday things I’ve been doing to make me happy and give me positive thoughts have already made a difference. It makes me really happy. I need to be a complete person on my own And yes, I think that’s what happened. I think my world began to revolve so much around my boyfriend, I forgot to make me a priority too. Not in immense ways, but just in not being happy unless I had his attention on me. So thank you for reaffirming that. It’s nice to know I’m starting on the right path. I need to come first, because I’m worth it, and being the best possible me is very important, with or without my ex.

      I will do 45 days no contact if it’s recommended. Honestly, I am a touch concerned he’ll get over me at that point (although, most women probably worry about this too), or pursue this new girl and lose interest in me, but I do want to do things correctly. He did care about me, and a friend of his told me he worries about me, but that my ignoring him isn’t helping things (I disagree in the ignoring bit though – I think it’s what we both need). Furthermore, that he just couldn’t handle my negativity (although my boyfriend didn’t straightforwardly tell me this). And I imagine the 45 days no contact is recommended because of the negative effect I’ve left on him. 45 days means we both distance ourselves from the negativity and can have a kinder view. Also! More time for me to improve and get emotionally healthy. Anyway! I’m pretty sure this girl’s a rebound. Seems way too soon to be anything but, considering how soon it is. It looks to be so, right? And I am worried she’s going to get hurt because of our mess. But I am a bit worried, as is to be expected. And I hope I have a chance at getting him back, with a stable foundation for our relationship.

      Thank you very much for the advice, it’s really appreciated. This whole site and the crew on here are inspiring and it has been very uplifting in the face of my situation. So thank you all.

  35. Beth says:

    Hi,
    I would like some more tips on getting an ex with a girlfriend back. He got her immediately the break up to forget me and because he thought she would be better to his life objectives. His feelings about me didn’t change after 2,5 years (we exchanged lots of confessions recently) and neither mine (I am still in love with him) but things got very serious with this girl (she changed city and job to be closer to him, families got involved and socially and professionally she is a plus in his life). He likes her, but doesn’t love her, though he wants to continue in this relationship and see where it will take them (he doesn’t see himself getting married anytime soon). He wants to continue with her and keep me as a friend only, despite all the feelings he still has and the intense desire he still feels (he even told me he masturbate a few times a week thinking about me). I know that what he says is true and there are moments he prefers to take some distance because he gets confused about what he wants (i.e. he thinks that could be a good thing to break up with her and get back to me) and well, she is there so he end up deciding that he will keep things as they are – relationship with her and friendship with me. I am working now on the NC rule for a period of over a month if I can, and work on my improvement + nice posts in Facebook. Unfortunately I can’t use the tip of “just be there” for jealousy because she has no idea of my existence. Is there anything else I could do to “help” them to break up? I am working on his feelings and increasing my value, but I would like something more to shake their relationship, I really need to push him a little bit to take this decision otherwise we will keep this situation still for a very long time until he take this initiative or she get tired of waiting him to propose and he’s not sure about that… would reverse psychology help there? If yes, how could I apply in this case? Many thanks in advance for your answer and for being helping so many people in this difficult situation that is to not being able to be with who we love.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Beth,

      actions speak louder than words..if he can’t leave her and she doesn’t know about you, that just means hes stringung you along…
      first, have your own life and then don’t be too available.. date others too and don’t sleep with him

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