What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Moves On To A New Girl (Video)

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

It’s been too long since I have done a video.

I apologize for that.

We actually had to find a new place to set up our video equipment since my daughter has to have her own room now and we were using her room as EBR YouTube central!

Talk about ghetto, right?

Anyways, we found a place and now we are back up and running.

Our latest video is about what you can do if your ex boyfriend has moved on to a new girlfriend.

(Shutter)

Check it out,

Transcript

Chris: Hey, Chris Seiter here from Ex Boyfriend Recovery and today I’m going to teach you about how you can get your ex boyfriend back if he’s moved to another girl.

So, the other day, I got to thinking, what are some of the people who are getting their exes back and doing that the people who aren’t getting their exes back, not doing? So, I went through my website and I took apart all the success stories I’ve had over the years and I’ve learned something shocking.

One of the most popular type of success stories are people who have gotten their exes back after their exes have moved onto someone else. So, what I like to do with this video is talk to you about my strategies for helping you to get your ex boyfriend back assuming he’s moved on to another girl.

Alright, this video is going to be divided into three parts.  The first part is rebound relationships. The second part is the grass is greener syndrome. And finally the third and most important part is the being there strategy. Let’s tag in right now to rebound relationships.

PART ONE: Rebound Relationships

Common sense tells us that when you’re ex boyfriend moves on to someone else, your chances are aren’t that great but there’s one exception and that’s if he’s moved on to a rebound relationship. So, what I like to do now is give you my description of what a rebound relationship is so, you can figure out if he’s in that category assuming he’s moved on.

There’s three telltale signs of a rebound relationship. The first sign is if he moved on really fast. So, he broke up with and then he moves on in a week or something to a new girl or that can be a sign that he’s going into a rebound relationship.

The second sign is if that rebound relationship doesn’t last very long. So, in other words, if your ex boyfriend is dating someone and he’s been dating her for like a year, that’s probably not rebound relationship and finally the third sign is if he’s serious about it. You can always tell when a man is serious about a relationship. Depending on how he acts around his friends or how he interacts with her on Facebook or social media. So, look at signs like that.

Next, we’re going to talk about The Grass is Greener Syndrome and how it relates to your situation.

PART TWO: The Grass is Greener Syndrome

Alright, so The Grass is Greener syndrome is kind of an interesting thing. I always like to think that when it comes to men they have, there’s a visible attraction scale on their head and this attraction scale is a living, breathing thing. Into everything that goes into the attraction scale is sort of relating to a woman, her looks, her personality, her characteristics, basically anything that would make a man find you attractive goes into this scale and it’s a 1 through 10 scale. So, for example, a woman that man is supremely attracted to would be a 10 on a scale and a woman that he’s not attracted to obviously, would be a 1.

So, what happens with this scale is, when an ex boyfriend first dates you he goes through something called the honeymoon period. That’s where you can do no wrong, everything’s perfect in the world. So, in his internal attraction scale to you, you’re a 9 or a 10. You’re almost perfect but as the relationship goes on, little things about your personality or your characteristics or maybe your looks change and his attraction scale gets lower and lower and lower and it eventually gets to a point where it’s so low where he starts thinking, “Maybe, I can do better than her.” So, that’s when a break up occurs and he starts looking for someone.

So, he’s broken up with you and he starts to look for another girl that he thinks is going to be better than you and let’s say he finds her. He finds a girl and he goes through the same process that he went through with you, the honeymoon period where she can do no wrong and she’s perfect to him but when you look at her set attraction scale, she doesn’t have anything on you. She’s boring to him. Her characteristics aren’t going to be as good as you and when the honeymoon period wears off for him, he’s going to compare her scale to yours and yours is better. So, he’s going to sit there and think to himself, “Man, I made a mistake breaking up with her.” That’s kind of  the grass is greener syndrome. It’s where a man breaks up with you because he thinks he can do better and sometimes he can. Sometimes, the grass is greener on the other side but often times it’s not. Often times the girl can’t hold a candle to you and you need to keep this mind when you’re trying to get your ex back. So, why would I tell you this whole thing about the grass is greener syndrome? It’s to give you hope. It’s to let you know that you really do have a chance to get your ex back which leads me to my next point.
I’m going to give you the ultimate strategy for helping you move things along when it comes to your ex moving onto another girl.

I like to call it The Being There strategy.

PART THREE: The Being There Strategy

Alright so, The Being There Strategy, you know, if there’s one thing that’s probably the toughest part about getting an ex boyfriend back when he’s moved on to another girl it’s the fact that you have—you run the risk of pinning yourself as the common enemy. And if there’s one thing that unites two people more than anything, it’s a common enemy. If you play this the wrong way, your ex and his new girlfriend are going to get united over the fact that you’re trying to break them up. So, we need to kind of tread this fine line. We’re not trying to break them up but we just put your ex in a position where his ex girlfriend is really not so fond of you being in the picture and that’s where the being there strategy comes into play.

Alright, so I’m not a fan of trying to break people up. That’s not what we’re about here in ex boyfriend recovery but often times all that you have to do to put a rift between your ex and his new girlfriend is just by being there. Just by being in the picture, just be being consistent with talking to your ex. You don’t even need to hit on him. You don’t even need to use this any kind of like super text judo or get him to hit on you, you don’t need to do that. All you got to do is just be there and his new girlfriend will take note of you, the ex girlfriend being in the picture. So, just by being there, you’re going to make his new girlfriend jealous of you, his ex girlfriend. And often times, when jealousy comes into play, many kind of find it attractive at first but if you are consistent with the fact that you’re being there in the picture is going to find her jealousy and her insecurity unattractive and that’s what you need to do to kind of show him that she’s not all that great. You’re the one that’s great.

I want to take a moment to thank you for getting to the end of this video. I really appreciate you watching it and I want to offer you an opportunity. An opportunity to become a part of the ex boyfriend recovery family. We have a whole team of people dedicated to helping you get your ex boyfriend back and all you have to do is show your support and we’re more than willing to help you out. You can show your support by simply liking this video, subscribing to our channel, visiting our website at www.exboyfriendrecovery.com. You can find the link in description below or just commenting in this Youtube video. Just do something to get involved in this community and we’re more than willing to help you out. We’re very responsive. We’ll see you later.

August 2, 2016

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

What Do You Think? (210)

  1. J - 0

    J

    Happy new year!

    Sorry for my English in advance, I’m not english speaker 🙁

    My ex broke up with me at 13th Dec after almost 1year relationship(we both in early 20s, He is younger than me)
    Our relationship was great, we discussing about marrige too. Even at that day we broke up we had great time together at his home too.
    But while he and I watched movie using his phone one txt was popped up, that sender had messanger profile picture
    that selfie of unknown girl(sender) and my ex
    I’m so embarrased also pissed off all of sudden then started asking him who is that girl
    He kept telling me she’s “just friend”. But i thought at least he trying to see another girl, because one day he lied me
    that he met his friend(guy) but i saw that guy on street by accident and he didn’t know about that. so I asked my ex if at
    that day you met that girl then he adimitted.
    I couldn’t stop crying, he finally yelled at me that i’m overeacting and said we’re done. Then he insisted she is friend, he met her to get advise about
    christmas event for me, he bought for ring for me blah blah blah… But I knew its lie. Because whenever I found his fault, he always insist that kinda story. (He is immature lol)

    I left his home and saw he changed his profile picture to selfie of him and her from mine
    I was in shock, feel betrayed etc.
    But he kept texting me like that sorry, i just need time, love you baby.. So i asked him why he had to change his picture to selfie of you two
    Then he said he wanted to let me know she is just friend
    I thought its bull shit but anyway i kept contacting with him. But i felt he hangout with that girl in this period.

    At 20th Dec he asked me out saying he wanna see me and talk with me so i met him.
    He acted like boyfriend as before when we met, so i said him we broke up and what u wanna do
    He said he wanna get back together from christmas day. I almost agreed with him, we promised meet at Christmas.

    But 2days after(22nd Dec) He suddenly said me he has family problem and he in pain, hes so stressful now etc so he needed time to be alone,
    and asked me like “If you really love me, you would wait for me.”
    So i said him he can tell me his problem but he said he afraid if he take his anger to me out.
    Also he said he wanna be alone at Christmas so we can meet 26th Dec.

    … I was sure that he just need time to meet that girl more and wanna meet her at Christmas.

    My self-esteem was destroyed, my plan for christmas with him was ruined. so i ignored his text til 24th to see what happened.
    And finally I saw he uploaded his relationship status with that girl on his facebook at 24th Night.
    Funny thing was that status was saying they started relationship 15th. (2days after we broke up)

    Its sooo hurted me. My friend was pissed off, she called him.
    Then he texted me a lot like that “I love you, i promise i will come back for you somedays, I just needed break thats all, Soon we will date again i promise…”
    So i replied just merry christmas.

    He didn’t contact me after that text but he sent me a instagram request then cancelled it at 2nd Jan.
    I thought it could be mistake. But a day after that day (3th Jan) he texted me “Happy New Year Kitty” (kitty was my nickname that he called me)
    And I cannot say anything till now BC i dont know what should I do even tho i wanna keep NC

    My questions are..

    1. He is in rebound or had grass is greener syndrome or both? (His friend told me he met that girl in person just once before we broke up. So he started dating with that girl after he hungout with that girl just twice or three times)
    2. I wanna make him miss me, so What’s best way to deal with his text “happy new year”?

    I’m so sorry to its too long text.
    Also thank you so much for reading my story.
    I’ll looking forward to hearing from u 🙂

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI J,

      it’s a grass is greener syndrome. For me, if you really want him to respect you, don’t let him treat you like somebody he can just go back to despite of what he did. Move on. He has to see and think that you’re that girl just waiting for him.

  2. Fiore - 0

    Fiore

    Hi Amor,

    I am in the following situation and for me it is quite complicated to handle everything right now, so I really need some advice. I will try to explain my situation in a nutshell and I have received some advice already, but I’m not sure if it is the best thing I can do, so if you have another idea of what’s the best thing to do, i would love to hear it!

    My ex boyfriend and I know each other for three years and we started dating almost 2 years ago, as from the beginning he was chasing me, but I wasn’t ready for it so he actually waited almost a year for me to be his girlfriend; I was a kind of his ungettable girl. After a few months he broke up with me as we didn’t had much time for each other and I was going to move a few hours away.

    We remained friends, texted a lot and saw each other when we could as I hadn’t moved a couple of hours away by then.
    But I just have moved to another city, almost two months ago. So we texted, called and saw each other still for two years after the break up. Of course we had our ups and downs but eventhough everything we became stronger everytime; I really believe our relation is stronger than we had when we were a happy couple.

    I have made some principle huge mistakes; he always knew I would be there for him; so I am not the ungettable girl anymore, he knows I want him back and we have slept with each other many times after the break up.

    A month before I actually moved out of the city, we had a great conversation about life and about us and that things will eventually get in our favor, when it is our time. We really believe in our chemistry and in everything that’s going on between us. But a month after I had moved, he became distant to me and we had some trouble in getting a long; we never had been in trouble with each other and we never have had a fight. At first I taught he became distant, because of the real distant there is between us., but turns out; that’s not whats going on.
    A couple of weeks ago we have spent the weekend together at his place and when I was back home he told me why he was so distant to me (the last few weeks and during the weekend I was at his place; he is seeing another new girl and they are actually a sort of a couple since ‘now’.
    Before her and after me he have had another girlfriend and he acted the same when he was with that girl for a while; he became distant to me, said that I had to move on, forget about him,( you know stuff like that) a This time he is doing the same thing; he is saying he doesn’t want to be with me as he’s now with her etcetera, but he wants to remain friends or actually do everything like we did before and act like we did before.

    It feels like it is harder for me this time than when he had something with the other girl, maybe because it makes me really fearfull for losing him as I am not around the corner anymore. Or losing him at all.

    I was thinking about doing a no contact for 21-30 days, as I understand he has to miss me and make him feel he had lost a great girl in his life. Thereby so that I can improve and become his ungettable girl again. Is this a good idea or should I try something else? Or is it really too late to do a no contact on him? If so feel free to give me advice in what’s the best to do in my situation. I do really want to know what’s the best thing to do for me.
    I truly believe in us, it may be not the right time, but I don’t think love is love, if you just can stop loving someone!

    I would love to hear from you!

    (I am really sorry if my english isn’t understandable or great, it is not my first language. So hopefully you can understand).

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Fiore,

      You’ve been chasing him so long, I think you need to do at least 45 days, and really make it seem you’re moving on and don’t ever sleep with him again.

  3. R - 0

    R

    Hi Amor,
    Me and my ex situation is a bit tricky. He started seeing this new girl while he’s still with me. He told me he feels I am not the one, so he told me he won’t commit to me, but I didn’t want to break up…so that’s how it happened. I just found out he’s going to an event with this new girl…I think it’s probably bad idea if I go there unintentionally and see them there right? Maybe I will feel hurt more? I know who she is already, so it’s not like I am there to find out who she is. I read the guide, but I am not sure how do I make myself “present” without crossing the line? Any other suggestions? Thank you.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi R
      have you done the no contact rule? So, for a long time you stayed in contact because you still love him, if you showed up in that concert it would look like you’re keeping an eye on him right? Staying present will only help if he thinks you have moved on and improved and if your presence doesn’t look intentional..

  4. cammi - 0

    cammi

    Hi, sorry to msg again!

    But I have a really important question regarding my ex bf that we are friends now and have been sexually involved and getting close for about a year and half.. but now obviously we aren’t as good and he is trying to “breakup” when we arent even together.. and thinks being friends is best. (which is funny a week ago he said he still loved me and cared thats why he keeps messaging my friend how i am etc) so now I WAS wondering after reading Chris’s outline about reverse psychology and the male mind etc… if I suddenly act very calm and cool and collected instead of the past week of being clingy and needy and obsessive.. (it made him feel pressured thus deciding to “give up” because of me pushing so much..) will he find it weird and think “wow … why is she suddenly going cold turkey and wow we’re laughing again and having a more relaxed time..” won’t he think to himself why does she not care? or basically “end” the “breakup” by happy memories.. he agreed to come by mine and relax and talk to my mum.. don’t think he has given up yet. NC will really help like you said but after i see him I will begin on the 25th.. I will have fun show him how i usually am a good time then BAM stop everything..

    I even asked him last year when he came back and we got close again “So if I acted like i didn’t care and showed no emotion and just backed off.. would you be leaning towards me more since I wasn’t acting psycho?” he replied while smiling “yeah… to be honest I think it would’ve worked if you didnt give me attention” I just replied “wow!” and smiled back.

    Whenever the pressures of fights and controlling happens he gets doubts … and he even said the excuse with his mum was an excuse it was more him wanting to run away from drama.. so my WHOLE POINT IS… what if I stop the drama 😉 what if i act like I do not care and act like the UG ??? Men want what they cannot have right… he can have me now thats why he doesnt! when i gave him space and he was talking to my friends and his asking for opinion he wasn’t sure, he was 50/50 then he randomly decided OK NOW ILL JUST STOP (because of my constant begging..) won’t that confuse him? HE is emotional and sensitive too so he is applicable on working with the RP method Chris said.

    ALSO i have done the begging and calling and texting which pushed him to FINALLY decide even if he doesn’t want the outcome.. is reverse psychology still applicable since I know him so well and since i asked him last year (after the first time we broke up) he agreed “yeah.. as bad as it sounds, you being cold and distant and not begging or crying would’ve made me want to come back or try”

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Cammi,
      the change has to be genuine because later on he will notice that you are in this pattern of ignoring him.. And if he doesnt act the way you want him to, what will you do? Go back begging? The ungettable girl talks first, and when it’s clear that the guy doesnt have the same core values or interests or doesnt meet the non negotiables, she walks away even if it hurts..

    • cammi - 0

      cammi

      Yes I know, I saw him yesterday and he talked to my mum and me and was very honest and he said he still loves me but obviously only wants to be friends… we had sex and regretted it and how he had no self control. He admitted to liking the other girl AND i think he was up until 3 am talking to her… My mother said to let him do as he wishes be free since he always needs time to realise what he wants for a 22 year old boy. He does not want to be committed with anyone but for now… he does not want a relationship with me. I am very upset but I am glad my mum sensed he still loved me and her verbally told me he does still, the mother issue was an excuse but when another girl comes his way he acts weird.. and likes talking to them… he doesn’t want to give me hope for the future but he knows nothing is certain in the future he only tells me “no future, no hope” so i don’t obsess even if he believes we might and we could… but for my sanity he has to be “savage” as he says… He kisses me and hugs me. He feels bad that I am being too kind and my family too but he cannot do the same… he knows he can’t get better than me..but maybe because he knows he can have me he doesn’t ?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      He doesnt know you’re the best because he can have you? I think he knows you’re the best so far, maybe he just thinks there can be someone better or he knows you’ll wait for him

  5. cammi - 0

    cammi

    Hi,

    So I have previously messaged and you said maybe it’s time for me to move on because he is not ready NOW… but when he agrees to just be friends and not want a commitment with anyone.. then maybe he moves on with someone else? To me that won’t last, only because he did this with another girl then he broke up with her 3-4 months later due to being long distance and him caring less.. I was just wondering, that I am seeing him for the last time on monday then wednesday to have dinner for our birthday then thursday with our other friend and he agreed and said he wont bail. That is not the issue.. Imagine I went from 100-0… If i was begging and crying before to not really caring and ending on a fun and stress free note? He will be so shocked.. because when my second ex and i broke up.. my olderknown ex- ryan and i started talking because he messaged me.. he was telling the girl maybe he shouldn’t of since I was happy and then ruined it thus beginning our cycle again. I also told him when we later became close last year.. “Hey ryan, If i didn’t beg, cry or ask you to keep coming back… would you have made effort and came back? If I didn’t care.. would you?” and he simply laughed a bit and said “i think i would… yeah! then he said I don’t know why but guess thats how humans are wired. When someone tells us they want us so bad and will die for us.. it’s too much but imagine going 100-0.. on scale so quick that we think woah.. where is she?” but that was what he said when we first started getting close and how he doesn’t want to be friends with benefits since it fucks with his head and him getting attached which is fair.. but if we’re friends and he falls inlove will he stop himself or just go for it? The mum issue is an excuse as I asked him ages ago and he said “yeah … it kind of was an excuse, it was more about me wanting to run away and be free of stress and drama, plus someone else was giving him attention!”

    SO with knowing all of that.. and how emotional/sensitive he really is… Would being cold and accepting the breakup of this “no label ” relationship work? as he’s been back twice… since 3 years ago. He does get jealous and if friendship communication are open then that’s not TOO bad? I am seeing him Monday.. what should we talk about or NOT talk about? Should I act like everything is all bliss and cool and shock him I’m taking it ok?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Cammi,
      the change has to be genuine because later on he will notice that you are in this pattern of ignoring him.. And if he doesnt act the way you want him to, what will you do? Go back begging? The ungettable girl talks first, and when it’s clear that the guy doesnt have the same core values or interests or doesnt meet the non negotiables, she walks away even if it hurts..

  6. Ana - 0

    Ana

    My fiancé and I dated for 3 years and we were doing fine and al of sudden he broke it off and it’s been alittle over a month and he’s been hanging out with this girl. He says they’re not dating that it’s not that serious but she sleeps over with him and he’s always hanging out with her …I ended up blocking all contact from him and he calls me from random numbers telling me he misses me and to unblock him in case he needs me and that I’m the love of his life yet he’s still hanging with this girl and he hasn’t contacted me That much these past two days from the other numbers since I blocked him …I’m tired of the games but I also dont want him to move on to another girl especially so soon I don’t understand how he could move on so quickly …what do i do at this point …move on from the man I wanted to Marry or give it time … he freaked out when I blocked him but why do so if you’re not even worrying about me …and I also want to add that for the first month I was being a GNAT…constantly calling and texting because I felt something was up but now I’m in unbearable pain and sadness and just want to be okay at this point is there hope he’ll come back to me …because unfortunately he did this once before and came right back 3 weeks later but that was a mutual breakup up …will he come back this time

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Ana,

      even if you blocked him and you’re not talking to him, have you tried to be active to heal and improve yourself? And the downside of this is that, this already happened before, so it’s sounding like a pattern. But this time, you have to be active in improving yourself. Yeah, he’s calling and texting you if you block him, but it can just mean that he’s used to you being his. If he’s really serious, he will straighten up.

  7. Gail - 0

    Gail

    Hi!

    So my ex dumped me 4 months ago and did the past 3 months he’s been having a girl over constantly. Someone one of his friends used to date. My ex & I are on speaking terms at the moment (he initiated it…although it’s not constant & I’m not putting in an effort because IF he wants to work things out with me I want him to come to me. Im open to it but I’m fine without him even though we dated for a year I’m just not happy with how he seemed to move on so fast so I’m trying to move on myself) and he has yet to bring her up with me. Our talks seem platonic and I’m not interested in being friends.

    Anyways my question is with his new girl, they have yet to come out as official. She spends most days over at his place and according to a friend of hers I talk to she claims they are not dating “just close friends.” Does it seem to be a fwb situation? Because I have my doubts and think she’s his gf and they just hid it given how shady it is soon after dumping me.

    Also the person I know who knows her said she passed his house when she was happening to leave his place in the early afternoon. She said that me ex gave her a close tight hug and a kiss on the cheek. No kiss on the lips. Does that type of parting seem like bf/gf or more just friends? I’m curious. I know when I started spending time at his place and seeing him (we didn’t really date before…like it’s not like he invited me to drinks, movies etc to get to know each other. Our relationship started as fwb and within 2 months we were official. He had the relationship talk. The moment I started sleeping with him before official I’d kiss him on the lips goodbye…)

    So I’m just curious what you think is going on?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Gail,

      if you started that way, then maybe they’re starting that way. But if you are moving on, whatever they do doesnt matter anymore. What matters more is what you do for yourself

  8. Belinda - 0

    Belinda

    What if he texts me about are dog , and he wants to know if he can see her sometime. He text me a week after breakup , also wanting a pic of me n my dress at my sons wedding . Then again 2 days later on how was his dog doing. Also on Facebook it shows he’s n a relationship a wk ltr after r breakup. Then told me it was a joke

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Belinda,

      It’s ok to talk about the dog but not about you sending a pic to him on how you look.

  9. RR - 0

    RR

    my ex boyfriend had broken up with me before and he used to tell he is sleeping around with lots of women and so on.. and i ws calm and told him u do nythng with ur life i wud like us to b able to understand if we can coexist. he was even telling he is in relationship and its serious.. i took it as ok no problem.. im nly asking to understand things thats it…after lots of such things calm he agreed to see things without relation like doing for something that is not a relation but to see if we can make it or whther he will get 1% interest.. it was for 2 months.. was going smooth. i requested lets take sometime anyways we are doing right. he was cooperative and if i dont talk to him for a day i wud get texts or call asking were am i and stuff. went on like that for an year and half. we met in between after months or skype calls and so..anytym can call.. finally he was like am fed upwith ur requests we extended month on month now better we make decision if to be there or not. he was close to me . there is no chance he was with smone else. coz i got him on conversation anytym of the hour and he made sure he is in touch with me.purposely i used to be silent.he used to check on me. and he finally told he isn interested in conversing nymore i shudn be in touch.i told ok cool and in 10 minutes al panick stricken i started beggng n it happened iin breaks for almost two months.first he consoled.then he was annoyed.in between after two moths he even told he is getting married in a month. similiar hehad told long back and then only we were trying to see… any other reasons he tell hr knows i wiil be behind.m suspecting this could be calculated liecould it be

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi RR,

      I’m sorry I just want to make it clear, you’re not actually in a relationship? And at first, you kept talking and seeing each other even if he is seeing somebody else and now, you’re trying to ask him to commit but he doesn’t want to?

  10. Anon - 0

    Anon

    Hi there

    My boyfriend of 1 year 3 months broke up with me last Dec, saying he fell out of love. I found out a few days later he had liked someone else for the past month (not sure if this classifies as leaving me for someone else) and started dating her.

    I did NC for 30 days where he snapchatted me everyday except the last few days. We started talking casually again and a few months later I asked if he likes anyone and he got annoyed saying he doesn’t like anyone, so I guess that rebound didn’t last.

    Recently (around August) I think he’s starting to like someone else but I can’t ask him about it or even be supportive by being there because in the past few months whenever I joked about him finding someone else, he’d be really irritated so the topic is like a taboo.

    What other method can I use apart from being there?

    Thank you

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Anon

      I think it was too much of being there with you, that you became too available..I’m assuming you started talking around January or Feb, and now it’s September.. It looks like you’re friendzoned..

      Did you continue improving yourself and having your own life after the nc? did you date others, even group dates? did you continue meeting new people and making new friends?

    • Anon - 0

      Anon

      Hi Amor

      I haven’t been dating because my parents found out about this one and they’ve been really adamant on not letting me see guys in general except in college. But I’ve been making new friends and doing new activities on a monthly basis. Should i talk to him less for now?

      Thank you

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hmm.. wait, so that means you can’t really progress things with him too? That means you can only be friends with him for now right? If that’s so, it’s ok to keep talking to him but if you’re trying to get him back, you have to be less available and keep on improving yourself

    • Anon - 0

      Anon

      Okay thank you I’ll do as you advised 🙂

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      You’re welcome!

  11. Reina - 0

    Reina

    My live in boyfriend and i were together for 5 years. We had a lot of ups and downs but there was so much love we stayed together. Recently we broke up, he cited he was just unhappy, he spent to much energy in this relationship and he wants to spend more time pursuing his dreams. He moved out. Its been about 2 months. During this time, he has let me know multiple times that he misses me and loves me and that he has never stopped. He even wanted to spend my birthday/anniversary with me.

    Here is where things get murky, he is staying with a friend of his, a female. In the past this female has showed that she is heavily interested in a relationship with him. I actually believe they have hooked in the past. In the past when he needed to escape the pressures of dealing with our relationship she would always be there in the wings waiting to “make him feel better”. He would come back that evening ok, and fine and just about normal with me. I believe for some time he may have had a secret relationship or hidden desire about this woman. He insisted they were friends. In the end that is where he decided to be, in her house. He still texts me very sweet positive messages EARLY in the morning and searched my social media page and comments from pictures from 2 years ago about how beautiful i am in the pictures. He even recently sat in a store by my house contemplating if he should come upstairs but decided not to he could not manage to see my face when he would say he has to leave. During the last two months we have had sex once and that was over a month ago (he has tried since then, i turned him down; but i have kissed him. He sometimes (not as much anymore) comes to the house when I am not here.

    We had an “honest” conversation a week ago and he admits to having feelings with this girl. He said he can not move forward with her because he will always be thinking about me (mentioned something about karma) and said if he came back home to me, he would always wonder what if, because we have so many issues to resolve. He said he is focused on himself and taking everything one day at a time. He said in the past he has never left me for her and never will. But he left his email open at my house and i read an email from her stating she was happy he was taking a leap in her direction. He didnt tell me the whole truth. I even gave him opportunities to tell me the truth and asked him plain out. I think i am worried he is trying to “breakup” with me slowly and he has made a decision or his actions led her to he has.

    I am just asking what to do. I dont want to be lead on, or become the secret he now holds, or a FWB, or a backup choice because he is testing if his grass is greener. What should be my next step? thanks so much

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Reina,

      you’re already broken up.. and yes, the more you prolong talking to him and giving him the benefits of a relationship, the more he will not come back.. try no contact.. do 45 days

  12. Tabatha - 0

    Tabatha

    How to I apply NC & the Being there strategy at the same time husband still lives with me and our three children

    Reply
  13. Uncertain Girl - 0

    Uncertain Girl

    Hello~ Was looking for some advice.

    My boyfriend of one month broke up with me not quite a month ago. He is 17, I am 20. The relationship was long distance. The breakup was messy. He had almost broken up with me two days before that but decided to stay, however saw it through now. We were not going to talk, but I was such a mess he decided to stick around and be there for me anyway. He played a lot of hot and cold. And I basically begged. Asked him not to leave, lamented the breakup vocally, was an emotional catastrophe. A few days after the breakup he was implying something down the road, but not then because he was such a mess, that he didn’t want to deal with something as complicated as an LDR (ha, you’ll find out why that was a total lie soon enough), and wanted to focus on his school. And then days after that, basically wanted to get back together. I, however, – and this was probably an error on my fault – didn’t agree to it since he wasn’t 100% sure that’s what he wanted. I didn’t help myself at all. I was…very negative. I suffer from anxiety and depression so that makes me a very negative person, but I can rein it somewhat. I just didn’t, for a number of reasons, and I realize that mistake of mine. During our relationship AND the breakup my negativity caused a lot of issues, and I guess that’s what pushed him to this point where we’re at. That’s basically why he broke up with me – he can’t handle my negativity. I have, and am, working on it though and have learned the hard way I can’t let that rule me. I won’t let it again. We stopped spending time together, stopped talking regularly, and linking those to my negativity, it’s no wonder things went badly. Nonetheless, he kept making me promises of sticking around and always being there for me. Just last Sunday, he implied wanting me to come see him in October and being in a relationship again by then, but then Wednesday, he pretty much said he wanted me out of his life. I was going to agree to it, but then he checked my Twitter, aaand… Tried to stay. He tried to be friendly and act normally, but then… I started No Contact, because I hadn’t done the no contact and with everything that had gone on, was probably best to do that. I am 3 days in. It is apparently having a negative effect as he, according to one of his friends, said he likes someone else and is moving on…a few hours ago. She is also long distance. I’ve been reading up on all the guides on here and just, needless to say, finding out he likes someone else and is moving on hit me hard. I’m still committed to NC, I just, I guess I wanted to have someone else look at my situation and give an evaluation. My friends and even friends of his who think he’s being a moron say I should move on, but… You know how it is, I want him back.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Uncertain girl,

      one at a time.. put yourself first. Learn how to change your mindset, get therapy and have your own routine.. Make yourself happy.. Start to do it during no contact period and continue that routine even after it. So, that you don’t make him as the only source of your happiness.. You have to be more emotionally stable before trying to reconnect with him..

      Try to do 45 days of no contact.

    • Uncertain Girl - 0

      Uncertain Girl

      🙂 I’m definitely working on myself first. Within these past few days I’ve been pursuing things that make me happy and trying to improve myself in areas (clothes shopping, movie, dinner with a girl friend (with more plans to do such things regularly), enjoying my hobbies – it’s been great, and I’ve been cheerful, despite how hurtful things have been), and aiming for a better thought process. I do completely agree. I need to be better emotionally and tame my negativity and emotional instability before reaching out to him again. The fact that my negativity got so bad to him hit me hard, and was probably the event I needed to kick start, “I need to work on me.” I want to be. I hated how negative I was, and it didn’t just suffocate him, it suffocated me too. I began to dislike myself a lot and my insecurities got worse, because of a lot of things that have happened this year. People learn to love their misery, as I did, because bad thing after bad thing happened. So my greatest goal right now is to become the “best possible version of myself”, and find happiness in that first and no matter what, with or without my ex. Which is actually super exciting. Small, everyday things I’ve been doing to make me happy and give me positive thoughts have already made a difference. It makes me really happy. I need to be a complete person on my own And yes, I think that’s what happened. I think my world began to revolve so much around my boyfriend, I forgot to make me a priority too. Not in immense ways, but just in not being happy unless I had his attention on me. So thank you for reaffirming that. It’s nice to know I’m starting on the right path. I need to come first, because I’m worth it, and being the best possible me is very important, with or without my ex.

      I will do 45 days no contact if it’s recommended. Honestly, I am a touch concerned he’ll get over me at that point (although, most women probably worry about this too), or pursue this new girl and lose interest in me, but I do want to do things correctly. He did care about me, and a friend of his told me he worries about me, but that my ignoring him isn’t helping things (I disagree in the ignoring bit though – I think it’s what we both need). Furthermore, that he just couldn’t handle my negativity (although my boyfriend didn’t straightforwardly tell me this). And I imagine the 45 days no contact is recommended because of the negative effect I’ve left on him. 45 days means we both distance ourselves from the negativity and can have a kinder view. Also! More time for me to improve and get emotionally healthy. Anyway! I’m pretty sure this girl’s a rebound. Seems way too soon to be anything but, considering how soon it is. It looks to be so, right? And I am worried she’s going to get hurt because of our mess. But I am a bit worried, as is to be expected. And I hope I have a chance at getting him back, with a stable foundation for our relationship.

      Thank you very much for the advice, it’s really appreciated. This whole site and the crew on here are inspiring and it has been very uplifting in the face of my situation. So thank you all.

  14. Beth - 0

    Beth

    Hi,
    I would like some more tips on getting an ex with a girlfriend back. He got her immediately the break up to forget me and because he thought she would be better to his life objectives. His feelings about me didn’t change after 2,5 years (we exchanged lots of confessions recently) and neither mine (I am still in love with him) but things got very serious with this girl (she changed city and job to be closer to him, families got involved and socially and professionally she is a plus in his life). He likes her, but doesn’t love her, though he wants to continue in this relationship and see where it will take them (he doesn’t see himself getting married anytime soon). He wants to continue with her and keep me as a friend only, despite all the feelings he still has and the intense desire he still feels (he even told me he masturbate a few times a week thinking about me). I know that what he says is true and there are moments he prefers to take some distance because he gets confused about what he wants (i.e. he thinks that could be a good thing to break up with her and get back to me) and well, she is there so he end up deciding that he will keep things as they are – relationship with her and friendship with me. I am working now on the NC rule for a period of over a month if I can, and work on my improvement + nice posts in Facebook. Unfortunately I can’t use the tip of “just be there” for jealousy because she has no idea of my existence. Is there anything else I could do to “help” them to break up? I am working on his feelings and increasing my value, but I would like something more to shake their relationship, I really need to push him a little bit to take this decision otherwise we will keep this situation still for a very long time until he take this initiative or she get tired of waiting him to propose and he’s not sure about that… would reverse psychology help there? If yes, how could I apply in this case? Many thanks in advance for your answer and for being helping so many people in this difficult situation that is to not being able to be with who we love.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Beth,

      actions speak louder than words..if he can’t leave her and she doesn’t know about you, that just means hes stringung you along…
      first, have your own life and then don’t be too available.. date others too and don’t sleep with him

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