There’s a “rebound relationship” checklist that I use for every client that comes to me when another person is in the picture with their ex.

And today I’d like to share it with you.

You’ll find that the 6 signs that I talk about in this article are different than what some of my peers are telling you.

This is by design because I want you to understand the reality of the situation you’ve found yourself in and I’m not interested in lying to you to make you feel better.

So, with that in mind let’s begin!

6 Signs That Your Ex Is In A Rebound Relationship

Below I have compiled the checklist that I use for my personal coaching clients who ask me if their ex is in a rebound relationship,

  1. How quickly did it take for your ex to move on?
  2. How long your ex has been dating that new person for?
  3. Does your ex have a history of jumping from relationship to relationship after a breakup?
  4. Is your ex exhibiting a bit of the grass is greener syndrome?
  5. Have you considered the differences between stability and excitement?
  6. Is your ex showing off the new person to you to rub it in your face?

Now, if you are familiar with my work on Ex Boyfriend Recovery then you’d know that I am really big on giving you in-depth reasoning.

So, what I’d like to do is take a few minutes and expand on what each of these signs actually means.

1. How Quickly Did It Take For Your Ex To Move On?

In case you were wondering Psychology Today has gone on the record and defined a rebound relationship as,

A person getting into a relationship shortly after their previous one ends.

I’ve actually found that reality is a little more sinister than that when dealing with exes.

In fact, what no one usually tells you about an ex “going on the rebound” is that they typically meet that rebound when they are still in a relationship with you.

Basically they start forming some type of emotional or physical bond with them while they are still committed to you.

This introduction of a third party into your relationship can sometimes be enough to cause the breakup itself,

This leaves your ex pretty happy initially with the new person and you pretty devastated, searching the internet for answers.

Sound familiar?

Here’s my point.

We are here to look for the signs that an ex is on the rebound and one of the most important things to take a look at is how fast it took for them to move on to the new person.

As a general rule of thumb the quicker they move on the more likely it is to be “a rebound.”

That’s what all of my peers are going to tell you and I will agree with them on that.

But what about that situation I discussed above?

What about if your ex meets this new person while they are with you?

Is it a rebound then?

Well, that’s why we don’t hang our hats only on one sign.

2. How Long Has Your Ex Been Dating The New Person For?

About a month ago I filmed a really interesting video on YouTube that tackled one of the most asked questions I get by clients,

“How long does the average rebound last for?”

I answer that question in the video and write up below,

Now, the interesting thing I found when I went to Google and started searching for the answer was that no one really had any data on how long rebounds lasted for.

People had guesses…

And a few of my peers who I won’t name were quoting ridiculous things like,

“60% of rebounds last less than three months”

Never mind the fact that when I actually did a fact check on these statements I couldn’t find any proof to back them up.

So, seeing as how there wasn’t any research that I trusted I decided that I would create the research for myself.

So, I went out and did the following things.

  1. Looked at my own internal notes on how long it took for a rebound relationship to end
  2. I went to every forum I could think of and compiled the data from what people said
  3. I went to every answer website that had written an article on the topic and scanned the comments to see if I could learn anything there.

The whole process took me a good 3 hours.

Now, my goal with all of this was to create a benchmark for my clients who were wondering at what point a “rebound” turned into a “real” relationship.

I wanted to put a timeline on it. I wanted to be able to point to something and say,

“You can expect the average rebound to last (x) amount of months.”

Turns out that when you compile all of the research together you get the following number,

5.2 months

Now, does this mean that your ex and his new person is going to break up at exactly 5.2 months?

No.

However, it gives us a benchmark to grade sign #2 on.

Generally speaking if your exes “rebound” has lasted longer than 5.2 months that is starting to get into more serious territory.

3. Does Your Ex Have A History Of Jumping From Relationship To Relationship After The Breakup

This is an often overlooked factor when it comes to determining if your ex is in a rebound relationship or not.

By simply looking at your exes past you might be able to determine if them jumping into a rebound is common or not.

It’s not exactly rocket science…

But let me throw some fascinating knowledge your way.

Do you think getting into a rebound relationship is healthy?

Think carefully before you answer.

Most of your friends and family will tell you that it’s not. They’ll sit there and say that it simply distracts a person from dealing with the necessary emotions that they need to deal with to move on from the heartbreak.

Well, recent research as early as 2014 suggests that actually getting into a rebound relationship can help your ex get over you and start to feel more confident.

This flies in the face of everything you’ve been told growing up.

Basically getting into a rebound relationship can be one of the best ways to get over a breakup.

Now, you may be sitting here and wondering,

“Why the heck are you telling me this?”

I’m telling you because love, breakups, lust, heartbreak, anger, sadness, depression… they are all nothing more than emotions created as a result of chemicals being released or regulated by your brain.

Well, that’s the scientific way of looking at it.

But I think it’s important to consider the scientific view for a moment.

If your ex is heartbroken as a result of a break up with you wouldn’t it make sense for the brain to protect itself by finding someone as soon as possible so that it can release the right chemicals to help you get over your heartbreak sooner?

Now, I don’t want to get into a philosophical discussion on fate or free will here but to me it makes sense that your ex may not even be aware of the reason they are dating a new person. They just simply feel that it’s what they have to do.

I’ve talked to a lot of men and women going through breakups and the one common thing that I hear from them when I ask them why they jumped into a relationship so quickly is,

“I don’t know…”

I used to think that they just didn’t want to tell me so they were just giving me a lame excuse.

But the more I sat on it and considered I began to believe that they probably have no reasoning for why they are wanting to go to the new person. They just know they have to do it. Well, it could be that their sense of self doesn’t know why they need to do it but their brain does.

So, like an unseen force working behind the scenes it draws them into another relationship.

Why?

So that it can give the body the chemicals it needs to get over a breakup sooner.

4. Is Your Ex Exhibiting The Grass Is Greener Syndrome

The grass is greener syndrome is one of those buzzwords that everyone always talks about but I honestly don’t think anyone understands the dynamics of it.

When you think of the grass is greener syndrome you probably start thinking about an ex who thinks they can do better than you, right?

But what if I told you that we are always looking to find a bigger better deal in our relationships.

The interdependence theory posits that we commit to each other based on costs and rewards.

In other words, we are always looking to get rid of people who cost us things and find the people who reward us the most.

Now, here is the wild part.

When researchers started trying to understand how interdependence played into relationships they learned that three huge factors come into play.

  • Satisfaction: how satisfied we are with the relationship in question.
  • Alternatives: Is there another person out there who can satisfy us more than the person we are with?
  • Investment: how much have we invested into the relationship?

Now, I don’t know about you but “Alternatives” sounds a lot like the grass is greener syndrome to me.

One consistent theme I see with exes who move on to someone new is they have this unshakeable belief that they can do better than you.

However, a rebound really isn’t a rebound until that new relationship ends is it?

How The Honeymoon Period Plays A Role Into GIGS

Now, what do we know about new relationships?

Well, we know that every new relationship will go through this period of time where the world looks a little like this to them,

Basically, we view our relationship through rose colored glasses and believe our partner can do no wrong.

So, lets swing around to your ex and their new rebound.

When they are really determining if they made the right choice in breaking up with you (assuming they did break up with you) they are going to be comparing how they feel with the new person to how they felt with you.

And it’s obviously going to be better.

Why?

Well, the new person has an unfair advantage.

Your ex is looking and comparing based on how they feel during the honeymoon period so it makes sense that your relationship won’t compare.

But the one constant in this world is change…

And that even applies to how we feel in relationships.

So, often what I see happening is that when the honeymoon period ends your ex does this internal calculation in their head and that’s when the true grass is greener syndrome comes into play.

That’s when they’ll really sit there and ask themselves,

“Is the person I’m with really better than (insert your name?)”

5. Consider The Difference Between Stability And Excitement

A few weeks ago I was reading an article on “The Atlantic” that Esther Perel wrote.

Now, if you don’t know who Esther Perel is then you need to stop everything you are doing right now and check out her website and watch this video,

In my opinion, the woman is a savant when it comes to understanding infidelity.

Now, let’s be honest.

Infidelity is a really dark topic and you may be sitting around and wondering why the heck I am talking about it when this article is about rebound relationships. Well, in my view there are a lot of similarities between someone who is having an affair and someone who is jumping into a rebound relationship.

After all, most of the rebound relationships I encounter are actually beginning while your partner is still with you.

But we are getting off topic here.

One of the most fascinating findings that Esther Perel has been championing is that one of the underlying causes of why we cheat on our partners is due to the fact that there isn’t enough excitement in their relationship.

They can love each other deeply but contrary to popular belief love doesn’t conquer all.

Within every man lies a need for excitement and stability.

Now, after working one on one with clients for half a decade I’ve come up with something to fully describe this need for excitement and stability

Stability is the opposite of excitement…

And excitement is the opposite of stability…

And yet we need both to feel fully satisfied in a relationship which will then help in preventing us looking elsewhere.

So, ideally we are always trying to bring this perfect balance of stability and excitement to our relationships but something tells me that when you look back on your time with your ex this might have been problematic.

For example, you might have been a little too stable and not exciting enough,

This isn’t good because what happens then?

Well, that’s where your ex will take a step back and start looking for an alternative that can bring more excitement into their life.

Of course, the reverse is also true if you are too exciting/unstable in a relationship,

You see, I have this really interesting hypothesis that in general people veer a little more in one direction than the other. Take me for example. I am not overly attracted to someone who always wants to go on adventures and is extremely outgoing.

However, there are times in my marriage where I want my wife to be that way.

I want her to be spontaneous and exciting.

But at my core I always value stability a little more.

So, the reality is that I think we are always trying to achieve a perfect balance of excitement and stability but the fact is that we always prefer one a little over the other.

6. Is Your Ex Showing Their Rebound Off To You?

Our Private Facebook Group has special terminology for rebound relationships.

They call them,

OW’s = Other Women

The OW did this…

The OW did that…

You get the picture.

Well, one interesting thing I notice on there is that they become so obsessed with the other woman and what she’s doing that they completely forget to look at things from a broader perspective.

Last year I was working with a client and her ex boyfriend had gotten an “OW.”

Obviously, I gave her this checklist (excluding this particular sign) to look over and determine if her exes new woman was indeed a rebound relationship. She determined that the new girl was but she ended up throwing me off my game when she asked me a question that I was not expecting,

“Chris, he is literally asking for my advice on how to handle her in different situations”

Now, I’m not going to lie to you. I have heard of this happening a lot but what threw me off my game was the fact that I had an instant lightbulb moment,

You see, before when a client would ask me this question I’d just immediately assume they were being friend zoned but what if they weren’t.

What if the ex was literally asking them questions about the new girl to not only throw it in their face but to gauge their reaction to see if they were still interested.

Well, the only way for me to find out was to actually go to the clients that I had helped successfully win their exes back who had rebounds and ask them if their exes exhibited this behavior.

It turns out that half of my clients said that their exes did this exact thing and half of them said they hadn’t.

That’s pretty significant.

Significant enough to add to the list.

So, our list of five became a list of six and we have strong evidence to suggest that if your ex is throwing their new relationship in your face it is a sign that, that relationship is a rebound!

I Want To Talk To You For A Bit

I don’t know if you’ve noticed but we’ve been undergoing a lot of internal changes here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery.

What do I mean by that?

Well, I’ve determined that a lot of our old content is… well, old.

It’s outdated and my views have changed on it. So, rather than writing new content covering the same ground I am going back and updating it. Just like relationships the content on our website is a living breathing thing and it needs to change as the times change.

So, I am going to make a commitment to you.

Every year as I learn more about what works and what doesn’t work I am going to come back and update this content. In addition, I’ve made a personal commitment to do my best to respond to every comment that I get.

So, if you want to a quick take on your situation just ask me a question in the comments and I’ll try to get back to you within 24 hours!

Sometimes life gets in the way but usually I am pretty good about it.

Citations and Sources:

2,773 thoughts on “Signs Your Ex Is In A Rebound Relationship (The Definitive Guide)”

  1. Avatar

    Anne

    August 15, 2019 at 10:10 pm

    Chris,
    My ex is in a “rebound” relationship with a woman who lives 3 hours away so they only see each other on weekends. Would the “6 month rule” still be applicable since they hardly ever see each other; obviously they can communicate via phone, texting and internet but as I said only spend WE’s together. We were married for 7 years and on/off for the last 2 years after our divorce. He jumped right into a relationship with her while we were still communicating but we hadn’t had a physical relationship for a month at that time. We communicated during their relationship until a month ago when she probably found out we were still communicating. We always considered each other “soulmates” but now I’m the “crazy” ex bc I did all the things you say not to do this last month unfortunately. Now, I have stopped contact but may be too late. Thanks

  2. Avatar

    AT

    July 30, 2019 at 3:02 am

    Do men rebound with an ex?

    I dated my ex for 4 years, we lived together for 2. We broke up bc of work causing depression and our living situation suffered bc of it and saw a lot of misplaced emotions (messy apartment, communication faltering, etc, all stemming from a very toxic work situation).

    Immediately after breaking up, i learned he was in contact with an ex he dated before me (he dated her for a little under 2 years). I k we they had been somewhat friendly since breaking up, but there was never any cheating
    … just an occasional message here or there.

    I know it is easy to go back to something comfortable after a long relationship… but is that what this is? Or should I be worried it’s more serious? We’ve had conversations about getting back together later down the line, but I’m worried hes just saying things to appease me at this point.

  3. Avatar

    Jaimee

    June 10, 2019 at 6:38 am

    Hi Chris, so I dated a guy in August for 9months (talked for three months before started dating) and things were going great between us and I got along with his whole family and he with my kids etc, he had a great bond with my kids and said the more time he spent with them the more he grew attached to them, we even spent Xmas with his family and his mother said he never brought girls home till now…..until his “ex” (I use the term lightly as they only dated for a month well over a year ago) started texting him about four months ago causing my anxiety to rear its ugly head when I found out. He assured me they were just friends and he had to be cool with her as she was part of our mutual friend circle and that he loved me and wanted to be with me. I accepted it at first until she messaged him at 1am while he was in bed asleep next to me. Fast forward to April and she came to a friends bbq and it was the first time we had seen her in over a year. Things seemed a little awkward but I just put it down to my anxiety. However two weeks later he breaks up with me saying he can’t handle my mood swing and anxiety and think we should take a step back and just be friends for a while and he wants to just be single for a while and catch up on things he felt he didn’t have time to do as he spent most of his time with me. He said my kids made it harder for him to split up with me as he didn’t want to hurt them. He insists on being friends. It hurt and I was silly enough to beg and plead and asked if there was a chance that we could try again in the future he said possibly and when I asked if he still loved me he said yes. A few weeks after we broke up I hadn’t start no contact (didn’t know about it till now) and he came around and told me we were definitely over, “we don’t fit that way” and “you are trying to change me and control me” and “I only see you as a friend” were some of the things he said and then he said he had started seeing his “ex” within the week after we broke up!!! According to mutual friends they are “in love”. He says he still wants to be friends but I’ve told him it’s all or nothing and have started no contact but it’s hard and I am devastated. She is older and skinnier and more out going than me and her child doesn’t live with her so she can go out and party whenever she likes. My ex is a bit of a party animal and I can’t always go out as I have my kids to think of. Seems I am so close with his family I talked to his mother who was so shocked we had split she said she thought he really loved me and she had never seen him so happy and when she asked him he said he just wanted to be single and when he was ready to date again it would be with me. But yet he is with his ex!! What can I do is it totally hopeless or do I have a chance to get him back?

  4. Avatar

    Katie

    June 6, 2019 at 6:24 pm

    I was with a man for 3.5 years. The complicated factors of our relationship were that we met when we worked together (he was my boss), I am not Catholic (His family is) and i have been divorced. Other the 3.5 years, i was never introduced to his family or friends. The reasons changed over and over throughout the years, “it’s too soon – you just left the company”, “My Family wont approve and i am not ready to fight with them” , “i’m not ready to get married” etc. Other than those issues, we had a wonderful happy relationship – he has even said i am his best friend and i made him very happy. We had great sexual chemistry as well. Towards the end, i would say things did get a little boring, but it was because we were on an island – so to speak. We couldn’t go out with his friends or to family events or anything. It was always just the two of us..

    We broke up in January because he said he needed space and was unable to take our relationship further (for the above reasons). He assured me he loved me and needed time to figure things out. He did say he was going to date other people – but NEVER did i think this would happen.

    By February he had started dating another girl, and i just found out last week that she has met his family (they dont like her, at least that is what he told me). I asked him if he loved her and he kinda hemmed and hawed and then said “it’s come up” but we dont say it often. How can he move on so fast in 3 months? Is this a rebound relationship? When we talk he still says he is confused and may be making a mistake but doesnt know what to do because he strongly believes his family would never have accepted me and with this other girl at least there is a chance. He said he is starting to realize that no matter who he brings home they are not going to be good enough for his family – and i get lost in that because he wouldn’t make a stand for me AFTER three years and it seems he is going to just give it more time for them to let this new girl in. He said that he was trying to bring home someone his mom would approve of and it was a test and it failed.

    What should i do? stay away and let the relationship run it’s course? move on?

    I waited three years to meet his family, and this girl got to meet them after a month. Shot to the heart.

  5. Avatar

    Brittney M Cortez

    June 3, 2019 at 9:01 pm

    ok so my fiancee broke up with me and a couple weeks later she was with another woman this woman asked her out and she said yes is that still considered a rebound relationship or does that mean its going to turn out perfectly i still have feelings for her and i have a feeling she still has feelings for me too and she is using this other woman to help cope with breakup she broke up with me the question is is there still a strong possibility that we will get back together or should i just move on

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      June 3, 2019 at 11:29 pm

      Hard to be sure Brittney. I wouldn’t move on unless you have exhausted all reasonable efforts to bring things to a better place. Starts with having a sensible ex recovery plan and that is what my Program (EBR Pro) is about!

  6. Avatar

    Gem

    May 26, 2019 at 12:33 pm

    Hi
    I was with my ex finance for 7 years I had a daughter previously and he took her on as his. We broke up end of September after I found out he had a thing with another woman, we tried to work things out for a month but I was to clingy (I know wrong) we then stopped talk. After my daughter had health problems in January we started talking about her only in email as he had blocked us on everything. The other woman and him never got together. he In March started dating a girl 12 years younger than him (him 38 me 37 daughter 18) in March when he unblocked us and has been in steady contact with me (text and calls) but has never mentioned his girlfriend and I do not ask. I then found out early May they got engaged to her do you think she could be a rebound as he is pushing there relationship so fast?

  7. Avatar

    Shay

    May 23, 2019 at 12:01 am

    Hi Chris,
    My ex boyfriend of two years is now in a relationship with another girl. I found them in bed together and just two weeks later they started dating. This happened at the end of February. This guy has texted me every now and then but every time it ends up in a fight and he ends up telling me how much better of a girlfriend she is than me. He posts pictures about her on social media about how much he loves her and they even made it Facebook official. Even though, he has texted me telling me he has all these certain feelings for me still. I had no idea they were dating at First so of course I told him I missed him too. Once I found out they were dating and Facebook official I went off on him and told him to either be faithful or be single. He then told me no guy will ever compare to him because I had a miscarriage with his child but still continues to tell me how much better she is than me. I’ve had friends tell me she is a rebound but I don’t know if she is since he posts about her on social media and made it Facebook official. He hasn’t tried contacting me in over a week.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 23, 2019 at 12:58 am

      Hi Shay….he has done and said some very wrong things. Consider No Contact and tap into my Program to understand how best to implement

  8. Avatar

    Cj

    May 17, 2019 at 3:07 am

    Hey Chris

    I know this is an ex boyfriend thing. But been search everywhere for advice.

    So my girlfriend of 8.5 year broke it off with me cause she said she didn’t feel the same way she use too. I was completely blinded sighted from the break up we were just looking at buying houses and she was the one pushing it. I tried fighting for her and telling her how I would want our new relationship to be better, the things I want to change for the better, I told her how I really felt and where I saw our future going. But she met some guy she started working with that’s 20 years old than her and she jumped to him 3 days after we broke up and went on a date with him and now things seem like there pretty serious with them going on a trip together for a week. It’s been less than 2 months since we split. Im pretty connected to her family, I’m like a son to them. And they have no idea where her head it at. All I wanna do is try and work things out with her. But it doesn’t seem to be going that way. Any advice…

  9. Avatar

    Jejju

    May 3, 2019 at 5:14 pm

    Please reply to my problem

  10. Avatar

    Jejju

    May 3, 2019 at 5:14 pm

    I was in love with someone and I went to him and after few issues I had to come back to US, but we both had strong love on each other. In long distance relationship lately he had doubt on me that I am cheating on him and I said no never I would do that, he is mine and I am only for him. Recently the fight became too intense and he abused me so much and in return I did too. Then I went on no contact rule for almost 15 days and finally saw his engagement picture and devastated… I tried to end my life and I am writing this not knowing I will survive or not. Please tell me am I worthless in this world?! How can he just get engaged in just 15 days of my break up? He also told me he might marry me, but before that his parents are forcing him to get married and he will do that for sure. But we both had so much love on each other and our sex life was intense. He just crazy in me and me too but how did rhis happen? Now he says I should have convinced him, when I called him now saying I am dieing he say it’s your decision and why do you have to show off just don’t threaten me, leave me alone and he hung up. What happens to me right now is total failure and I couldn’t take it

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 3, 2019 at 10:31 pm

      Hello Jejju,

      Right now what is important is moving past the hurt. I know you are searching for answers and trying to understand your ex’s words and actions. You deserve a relationship that provides you with a healthy, trusting, and loving environment.

      Time has a way of showing us the big picture. It gives us the gift of perspective. It can also help us recover and see things in a different light. You want to get to a place where you need not rely on your ex for emotional fulfillment. Then you will feel more whole.

      So I would suggest you continue to take time for yourself and away from your ex so you can continue to heal, grow, and find some peace.

      Who knows, with the gift of time and space, you may later decide you would rather not invest any more effort in trying to reunite. Or you may choose to allow your ex back in your life, if that opportunity arises, but possibly in a different way or with a different understanding. When you realize that there are other paths for you to take no matter what happens, you will feel more empowered and in more control. And you will also be more happy.

      Remember, your Health and Safety is paramount.

      You matter and are important to many people.

      If you are feeling depressed and/or suicidal, there is help for you.

      The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis.

      So if you are at risk for suicide, homicide or other harm or injury, please call 911 or seek other help (such as a hospital emergency room or doctor’s care) immediately. If you need help from the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, please dial:

      1-800-273-TALK (8255)
      You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With over 120 crisis centers across the country, their mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential.

  11. Avatar

    Meghan

    May 2, 2019 at 12:47 am

    My ex of 18 years and three children went out with his friends one night and didnt come home until really late and I told him if he did it again he can just not bother coming home. Well the next night he did that he said that he needed some time to fix himself he met a girl 16 years younger than him a couple weeks prior to this at work and instantly started dating her and she broke up with her boyfriend for him. They started to live at his friends house together after a few weeks of being together and today just got an apartment together. They have been together for about a month and a half he is almost 40 and she is 23 years old. He doesn’t see his kids at all and every couple of weeks tells the kids that he loves them with a text message. They are teenagers and realized that he left for another girl and has no time for them right now. He blames me for our relationship failing and the reason why his kids don’t talk to him. The girl post things on Facebook all the time about their sex life and how happy she is where he still has us as his profile pick. At first I broke every rule saying every mean thing in the book, but the past couple weeks I have told him to go be happy when he tries to contact me. I am now on day 8 of no contact and feel like crap. I am still hurt about how he can move on so fast The entire time he was denying a relationship with her and hides it from the world because we work for the same company so all of my friends treat him horribly because of what he is doing. We have to go for child support in a couple weeks and I don’t even want to look at him right now I just want him to suffer like I have been. I have gone out with friends which I never did while together and lost a lot of weight. He is a depressed person so his job cutting his hours is what makes me think he ran towards this girl. I am still unsure if I am doing this right and how to get him back.

  12. Avatar

    Selena

    April 25, 2019 at 11:28 pm

    Hi Chris!
    My boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago. Maybe a week over a month. We were together three months. The last part of our relationship myself and my two kids he grew to love moved in with him and his parents. Times were rough for me. But he stayed. He never left me. He was so dedicated to me that it would put me in tears. Because no other person was ever like that. He was completely obsessed with me. In a healthy way. Crazy in love with each other. He was my dream come true. Completely committed.
    It was more of a mutual breakup. I packed up and left when he started drawing away from me. I tried to talk to him. But he started taking his friends out instead of me. He was withdrawing, and I didn’t feel loved anymore. I wonder to this day what would’ve happened if I didn’t leave. If I had mis understood his text message.
    Anyway he and I still talk. Not friends exactly but we talk everyday. He slowly started opening back up to me after shutting down on me. He was so angry about who something. Than I found out the dreaded. He was in a relationship with another girl. Who got into the relationship with her a few short weeks after we broke up.
    I automatically thought rebound. The day he and I started dating and made it official, he posted it all over Facebook. Changed his profile and cover photos to us. He and I always were tagging each other in cute posts. The whole world knew we were crazy in love. I became friends with his best friend. I got to know his family. We hung out every other day. We were texting all day and most of the night. Anytime I needed someone he was there in flash. He held me on my most broken days. He helped me when my life spiraled down.
    When I look at his page and her page, I see none of this. Zero pictures posted together. He would heart react to anything I posted. He doesn’t do that with her. When we talk every day and night, he had a moment of flirtiness with, got very jealous when he thought I was hanging out with another guy and quickly tried covering up his jealousy. They never hang out. I know this because he tells me all about his day.
    I’m still in love with him. There is no doubt in my mind this is not a rebound.
    We meet up in two days. On Saturday. Just to talk. About what I’m not sure. But I got him to want to meet up. I have no clue how to act. How to be. What to say. I’m afraid I’ll cry. But I’m afraid that’ll push him away. I’m going to be myself like I told him I
    Would. We are both fun, goofy, weird people lol. We loved that. I know how to make it not weird to meet with me and start a conversation. I have no idea what to say though. I want to run straight into his arms but I know this isn’t some fairytale. So
    What do I do? He shows signs of still loving me but he knows how to quickly shut down too. I’m pretty sure his relationship is a rebound, and he doesn’t love her. What do I do? I want to look my best but overdue it. Do I make it known how I feel? Or be careful with that?

  13. Avatar

    Saz

    March 8, 2019 at 1:01 am

    Hi Chris, I love your site, its helped me out twice over the years with different relationships (I realised I was better off without the narcissistic first guy!) I’m grateful you keep it up to date! Please bare with me, this is a long one.

    My Ex and I had everything in common, both business owners same line of work (we work in events and festival production), same style, same tastes, everything. We both said we couldn’t believe we’d found each other! Despite this it became clear he had intimacy issues half way through the 9 months, he pulled away, started fights over small things to avoid talking about the bigger issues and my fear of abandonment pushed him away further as he became this shell of a person. In December he told me ‘the spark’ had gone and he needed time on his own without a partner to figure himself out and cope with the stresses of his huge job at Glastonbury Festival 2019.

    I gnatted him after he showed mixed messages, cuddling me etc. I went no contact for 3 weeks until we HAD to bump into each other at a mutual friends party on Jan 5th. He didn’t even look at me and I drunk gnatted him after and then continued this for a week (although he always replied). He said he would think things over and get back to me and I went no contact again on January 16th.

    As 40 days came to an end I found out through his new girlfriends instagram (I unfollowed him) that he was in a rebound that I suspect started 4-6 weeks after we broke up despite saying he needed time to be himself for a while. It began to move fast as I started the 40 days as they were doing Valentines dates and gifts (dates he’d fantasised about to me), meeting the parents (he waited months with me) and now he is taking her with him to work with him at Glastonbury Festival in June (which he said right up until November was my job) despite her being the opposite of me!

    I’ve seen on other sites that if they start a rebound like this I should stay in no contact and wait for him to figure it out himself and end it and/or contact me and keep working on myself so I look more attractive to him again. I doubt hes had any time to think over our relationship or his problems like he said he would and he still thinks the grass is greener with her so I can imagine I will be seen as unattractive to him again.

    A few things though. A mutual friend told me he stayed away from an event at the weekend because she told him I was going. I’ve noticed hes still following my 2 instagram accounts. At some point I need my festival camping equipment back from his house and I have a handmade gift for his Dad that I began in October (his dad is still supportive of me on social media) that would somewhat prove how much I have moved forward with starting up my festivalwear brand since the breakup if I sent it to his Dad He is close with his dad and it wouldn’t go unnoticed.

    Could I work with these things over time? Do I wait it out until he dumps her as other places suggest and carry on making myself look amazing on social media in the meantime?

    If you’ve gotten this far and reply to this you are an absolute SAINT Chris, mate. I would be so grateful!
    Thank you for your time!
    Saz

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      March 8, 2019 at 2:27 am

      So I guess that makes me a Saint! Well, my wife wouldn’t agree that completely! Rebounds abound in the dating world. I have written about them and often they collapse of their own weight, particularity if you are stirring the embers just a bit by trying to remain in play or keep a connection open.

      There is strategy that I sometimes recommend called the Being There approach. Pretty much means what it says. You can always try this approach if the NC fails to get traction.

      By the way….simply an awesome name (Saz)

  14. Avatar

    anz

    February 4, 2019 at 2:39 pm

    hi chris, my boyfriend and i were together for 1,5 years. he broke up with me in august last year because he felt that he was overstepping his boundaries a lot with me, and he was not happy anymore, as he felt he had lost himself in the relationship. the first three months after the break up we still had contact a bit. i went NC and started working on myself. he contacted 17 days later he wanted to talk. we met up three months after the break up and rekindled things for one evening – he was an absolute wreck and looked at me the same way he did on our first date. he had spent three months just working and drinking and being sad. one week after our rekindling date, he texted me that he cannot be with me, despite my progress and despite our mutual love. he felt that he had arrived at an emotional low, and he needed to work on himself like i had been. he said we were very far from a fresh new start and he could not make any promises for the near future. i told him to leave me be if he just wants a friendship, and to contact me when he is ready to make steps toward me. so i went NC again. this was early december. now, late january, 7 weeks later, i felt such a pain in my heart, i broke NC… it was the biggest mistake. i called him and asked how he was doing. he said he was seeing someone sine recently, that she knows about me, and that she understands, and he wants to see where it is going… now, i realize it’s been 5 months since the break up – but how can he be emotionally ready for a new love only 8 weeks after kissing me? after looking at me the same way as he did during our first date? he was very mean in this phone call, he was mad that i ‘turned a switch’ now, after i told him to leave me be, and that he would block me and i would never hear from him again if i ask anymore questions. he even told me he doesnt love me anymore and that he now loves her. i am absolutely crushed. i deleted him off of facebook now and regret it, as i cannot see anymore who he is adding, and if he will be adding her anytime soon. i am having all sorts of nightmarish thoughts about who this person is. i feel like this is the absolute betrayal. he was so emotional on the phone, told me he still missed everything we had, that he thinks about it a lot, that he will never have a connection with anyone like with me, but that something within him broke beyond repair, and he knew we weren’t gonna make it. he said he loved my love, but it was not enough, as it would also take something from him to make us work, and he had given up 5 months ago. he told me in an email a few days ago to let him go, if i truly love him. i just can’t believe these absolute words. i am 32, he is 40. he told me i was the love of his life, that he never felt such a strong emotional and physical connection to any woman in his life. how can he now find someone new so quickly? will i ever have a chance again?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      February 4, 2019 at 5:12 pm

      Hi Anz…so a lot going on here and I can see you have been thru a lot. I hope you are tapping into some of my resources! Yes, you do have a chance, but it serves you to follow a sensible strategy and that is what my Program is built around.

  15. Avatar

    Jane

    February 3, 2019 at 11:56 pm

    Hey Chris,

    My boyfriend and I were together for 4 months before I broke up with him. Things were really good in the first couple months, I really liked him but then things changed towards the end of our relationship. He spent everyday at my house with me all day and constantly smothered me with affection and love. I got really annoyed with him and lost my attraction and feelings for him. I broke up with him but we still stayed in touch and we would still hang out. A few weeks after we broke up he moved to another state and I reached out to him because I realized that I still had feelings and attraction to him. At first, he was angry with me, saying that I had my chance with him and I never made him feel loved. Then, he told me that if I could prove to him I’d “changed” then he would promise to make me happy. We talked and flirted for a week and he would tell me that he still loved me. Then all the sudden he started telling me that we should move on and be with other people. I started getting crazy and pleading and begging for him to stay with me, which only pushed him to block me. Over the course of the four days I was blocked he got a girlfriend. He unblocked me on the fourth day and i learned from his mother that he is moving back to my city, but he is still with this new girlfriend. They haven’t been together for a week yet, and things are moving pretty fast between them (staying the night with each other, “whoo whooing” if you get what I mean). But she isn’t moving here with him, and he is coming back in two weeks. I stopped texting him 2 days ago since I’ve been reading about the “No Contact Rule”. What should I do to get him back, and do you think I still have a chance?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      February 4, 2019 at 3:48 am

      Hi Jane!

      Time will tell if this other girlfriends turns out to be a rebound. I do think NC is a pragmatic way forward.

  16. Avatar

    Elisa

    December 10, 2018 at 8:42 am

    1 year and 4 months and we did 6 months apart due to LDR. Very open to each other the whole relationship. I didn’t want to continue going further into the relationship when I found out I was going overseas. He insisted we do it and insisted it would work. We did 6 months strong as a LDR, fights but nothing intense or anything that lasted over 2 hours. We always talked about it. Out relationship was heading to the alter with the families on board. Recently he told me he didn’t feel the same for me (same time he met her). He initially wanted to work on it and was going to visit me, then he called it off. Said he didn’t love me and he has feeling for her. He never cheated so I can give him that. But not even two weeks after our breakup he gets into a relationship with her. Is that a rebound? Am i crazy for wanting answers. We didn’t have problems, we talked everyday and it honestly came out of nowhere for me. I read your whole article and it seems like it is a rebound.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 10, 2018 at 11:28 pm

      Hi Elisa!

      I know all this must be very upsetting and disappointing. Some guys do foolish things and the answers are often vague or not very illuminating. Rebounds do happen and so does “grass is greener” behavior. Best to tap into my Program (PRO) to get up to speed on how you may want to initiate No contact and how to optimize that approach.

  17. Avatar

    Amanda

    November 20, 2018 at 6:29 pm

    Long distance relationship (4 months), but we both felt we were the one. Both very open with eachother. He had an amazing job and I knew I would be the one to move. We took turns driving to see eachother, tried for every other weekend, but things can get in the way (he had a couple aunts pass away). Out of the blue I got a message saying he was concerned about our trips during the winter months, that he would get so depressed during the time we were apart, and he wouldn’t ask me to move cause he felt selfish for taking me from my family, that we still hadn’t really seen each others bad sides. I told him I knew I would move, was willing to take the chance and he said I can’t ask you. I stayed away for a month, then texted I missed him and we talked. I told him how much I had been hurting etc and he apologized. He had blocked me on fb from the beginning but I knew he was seeing someone about two weeks after we split. He doesn’t know I know. This past weekend I sent an apology that I didn’t notice his depression and that I made him feel he had to ask me to move when I already knew. And told him how great I thought he was. He replied with that’s really sweet of you and that my message was hard to read cause it got all split up. I thought it was nice he pieced it together. While I was waiting for a reply from him, I did some math. I told him I was sincere, that I figured my finances and I could in fact move sooner than I originally thought. That I knew we might not work but I was willing to move to see if we could work like a normal couple in the same town. That he couldn’t deny our connection. I haven’t heard back. I’m pretty sure this girl is a rebound. We look somewhat similar and I feel she and I would get along, but she lives an hour away (I lived six), so while he can see her more, it’s really not what he seemed to be wanting. Especially with winter coming. It looks like they’ve been on two dates. I asked him why he said all the things ( like he felt we were meant for eachother etc) and he’s like I can’t answer that. I just didn’t want to ignore your message. His parents were amazing to me and I told them I understood if they blocked me, but I wanted to thank them for making me feel so welcome when I was around them and how much I loved him and it was killing me to be away from him. They sympathized, dad said he wished he could slap the shit out of him and his mom was like you never know what the future holds and both said they would not be blocking or unfriending me. They have not reacted to his pictures with the new girl yet. I truly love him and feel he loves me, but wonder what happened? Did he get scared? It was good morning good night love you right up to the very end. Thank you! I know what I need to do is work on me etc and I will be preparing my house to sell etc (I want a different house anyways). I just don’t know what to think about him right now.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 20, 2018 at 9:49 pm

      Hi Amanda!

      I can see you have been dealing with a lot of stuff on your plate. Given all of this, its best you employ a sensible ex recovery plan, so check out my Program!

  18. Avatar

    Coll

    November 16, 2018 at 6:39 pm

    Chris, me and my bf of 5 months broke up in July. Since the breakup we never stopped texting or talking and would still tell each other we loved each other and missed each other. I did a lot of begging and pleading and became crazy with texting him. About a week ago he said he was done for good and told me he started seeing someone and does not love me and is over me. He started posting pictures all over social media of his new girl which is unusual for him. We work together which makes it hard to stay away from him. I’ve been in no contact for about 4 days now. How can I get him back?

  19. Avatar

    Kate

    November 12, 2018 at 9:50 pm

    Hi Chris,
    Following on from my last comment, the problem with the no-contact rule is that before we split up, we discussed the importance family time with our kids, so both of us and them. This is really good for our kids, and stopping it now, when it has been going well will actually cause more problems and fights between us, making things worse. When it’s not family time. I make no effort to contact him, but when he comes over to see the kids he will often seek me out to talk to me in general. I can’t give up family time, do you have any other suggestions?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 12, 2018 at 11:30 pm

      Hi Kate….Ok….that works Kate as it is a limited, more pragmatic form of No Contact which I talk about in my eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book”.

  20. Avatar

    Kate

    November 11, 2018 at 7:33 am

    Hi Chris.
    My partner and I broke up 3 months ago. We have 2 very young kids and had been together for 7 years. He was initially very angry with me, but after a few weeks he calmed down, and we have enjoyed spending time together, mostly as an family, and were even sleeping together basically on a weekly basis for a while (the last time being Thursday last week). He has now started dating someone new, he first met her about 2-3 weeks after we broke up, but only slept with her for the first time last week. He is now wearing a bracelet saying “her king” and have gone facebook official.
    Does this sound like a rebound? Does this starting at our 3 month mark when I was otherwise seeing good signs of us getting back together eventually impact our chances and lose the 3-7 month Window of opportunity?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 11, 2018 at 7:56 pm

      Hi Kate!

      May very well be a rebound. If you are unhappy with this arrangement and his lack of commitment and openly dating another girl, then you may want to consider implementing no contact in the near future. I have lots of material and books and videos that will help you understand how NC works.

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