There’s a “rebound relationship” checklist that I use for every client that comes to me when another person is in the picture with their ex.

And today I’d like to share it with you.

You’ll find that the 6 signs that I talk about in this article are different than what some of my peers are telling you.

This is by design because I want you to understand the reality of the situation you’ve found yourself in and I’m not interested in lying to you to make you feel better.

So, with that in mind let’s begin!

6 Signs That Your Ex Is In A Rebound Relationship

Below I have compiled the checklist that I use for my personal coaching clients who ask me if their ex is in a rebound relationship,

  1. How quickly did it take for your ex to move on?
  2. How long your ex has been dating that new person for?
  3. Does your ex have a history of jumping from relationship to relationship after a breakup?
  4. Is your ex exhibiting a bit of the grass is greener syndrome?
  5. Have you considered the differences between stability and excitement?
  6. Is your ex showing off the new person to you to rub it in your face?

Now, if you are familiar with my work on Ex Boyfriend Recovery then you’d know that I am really big on giving you in-depth reasoning.

So, what I’d like to do is take a few minutes and expand on what each of these signs actually means.

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1. How Quickly Did It Take For Your Ex To Move On?

In case you were wondering Psychology Today has gone on the record and defined a rebound relationship as,

A person getting into a relationship shortly after their previous one ends.

I’ve actually found that reality is a little more sinister than that when dealing with exes.

In fact, what no one usually tells you about an ex “going on the rebound” is that they typically meet that rebound when they are still in a relationship with you.

Basically they start forming some type of emotional or physical bond with them while they are still committed to you.

This introduction of a third party into your relationship can sometimes be enough to cause the breakup itself,

This leaves your ex pretty happy initially with the new person and you pretty devastated, searching the internet for answers.

Sound familiar?

Here’s my point.

We are here to look for the signs that an ex is on the rebound and one of the most important things to take a look at is how fast it took for them to move on to the new person.

As a general rule of thumb the quicker they move on the more likely it is to be “a rebound.”

That’s what all of my peers are going to tell you and I will agree with them on that.

But what about that situation I discussed above?

What about if your ex meets this new person while they are with you?

Is it a rebound then?

Well, that’s why we don’t hang our hats only on one sign.

2. How Long Has Your Ex Been Dating The New Person For?

About a month ago I filmed a really interesting video on YouTube that tackled one of the most asked questions I get by clients,

“How long does the average rebound last for?”

I answer that question in the video and write up below,

Now, the interesting thing I found when I went to Google and started searching for the answer was that no one really had any data on how long rebounds lasted for.

People had guesses…

And a few of my peers who I won’t name were quoting ridiculous things like,

“60% of rebounds last less than three months”

Never mind the fact that when I actually did a fact check on these statements I couldn’t find any proof to back them up.

So, seeing as how there wasn’t any research that I trusted I decided that I would create the research for myself.

So, I went out and did the following things.

  1. Looked at my own internal notes on how long it took for a rebound relationship to end
  2. I went to every forum I could think of and compiled the data from what people said
  3. I went to every answer website that had written an article on the topic and scanned the comments to see if I could learn anything there.

The whole process took me a good 3 hours.

Now, my goal with all of this was to create a benchmark for my clients who were wondering at what point a “rebound” turned into a “real” relationship.

I wanted to put a timeline on it. I wanted to be able to point to something and say,

“You can expect the average rebound to last (x) amount of months.”

Turns out that when you compile all of the research together you get the following number,

5.2 months

Now, does this mean that your ex and his new person is going to break up at exactly 5.2 months?

No.

However, it gives us a benchmark to grade sign #2 on.

Generally speaking if your exes “rebound” has lasted longer than 5.2 months that is starting to get into more serious territory.

3. Does Your Ex Have A History Of Jumping From Relationship To Relationship After The Breakup

This is an often overlooked factor when it comes to determining if your ex is in a rebound relationship or not.

By simply looking at your exes past you might be able to determine if them jumping into a rebound is common or not.

It’s not exactly rocket science…

But let me throw some fascinating knowledge your way.

Do you think getting into a rebound relationship is healthy?

Think carefully before you answer.

Most of your friends and family will tell you that it’s not. They’ll sit there and say that it simply distracts a person from dealing with the necessary emotions that they need to deal with to move on from the heartbreak.

Well, recent research as early as 2014 suggests that actually getting into a rebound relationship can help your ex get over you and start to feel more confident.

This flies in the face of everything you’ve been told growing up.

Basically getting into a rebound relationship can be one of the best ways to get over a breakup.

Now, you may be sitting here and wondering,

“Why the heck are you telling me this?”

I’m telling you because love, breakups, lust, heartbreak, anger, sadness, depression… they are all nothing more than emotions created as a result of chemicals being released or regulated by your brain.

Well, that’s the scientific way of looking at it.

But I think it’s important to consider the scientific view for a moment.

If your ex is heartbroken as a result of a break up with you wouldn’t it make sense for the brain to protect itself by finding someone as soon as possible so that it can release the right chemicals to help you get over your heartbreak sooner?

Now, I don’t want to get into a philosophical discussion on fate or free will here but to me it makes sense that your ex may not even be aware of the reason they are dating a new person. They just simply feel that it’s what they have to do.

I’ve talked to a lot of men and women going through breakups and the one common thing that I hear from them when I ask them why they jumped into a relationship so quickly is,

“I don’t know…”

I used to think that they just didn’t want to tell me so they were just giving me a lame excuse.

But the more I sat on it and considered I began to believe that they probably have no reasoning for why they are wanting to go to the new person. They just know they have to do it. Well, it could be that their sense of self doesn’t know why they need to do it but their brain does.

So, like an unseen force working behind the scenes it draws them into another relationship.

Why?

So that it can give the body the chemicals it needs to get over a breakup sooner.

4. Is Your Ex Exhibiting The Grass Is Greener Syndrome

The grass is greener syndrome is one of those buzzwords that everyone always talks about but I honestly don’t think anyone understands the dynamics of it.

When you think of the grass is greener syndrome you probably start thinking about an ex who thinks they can do better than you, right?

But what if I told you that we are always looking to find a bigger better deal in our relationships.

The interdependence theory posits that we commit to each other based on costs and rewards.

In other words, we are always looking to get rid of people who cost us things and find the people who reward us the most.

Now, here is the wild part.

When researchers started trying to understand how interdependence played into relationships they learned that three huge factors come into play.

  • Satisfaction: how satisfied we are with the relationship in question.
  • Alternatives: Is there another person out there who can satisfy us more than the person we are with?
  • Investment: how much have we invested into the relationship?

Now, I don’t know about you but “Alternatives” sounds a lot like the grass is greener syndrome to me.

One consistent theme I see with exes who move on to someone new is they have this unshakeable belief that they can do better than you.

However, a rebound really isn’t a rebound until that new relationship ends is it?

How The Honeymoon Period Plays A Role Into GIGS

Now, what do we know about new relationships?

Well, we know that every new relationship will go through this period of time where the world looks a little like this to them,

Basically, we view our relationship through rose colored glasses and believe our partner can do no wrong.

So, lets swing around to your ex and their new rebound.

When they are really determining if they made the right choice in breaking up with you (assuming they did break up with you) they are going to be comparing how they feel with the new person to how they felt with you.

And it’s obviously going to be better.

Why?

Well, the new person has an unfair advantage.

Your ex is looking and comparing based on how they feel during the honeymoon period so it makes sense that your relationship won’t compare.

But the one constant in this world is change…

And that even applies to how we feel in relationships.

So, often what I see happening is that when the honeymoon period ends your ex does this internal calculation in their head and that’s when the true grass is greener syndrome comes into play.

That’s when they’ll really sit there and ask themselves,

“Is the person I’m with really better than (insert your name?)”

5. Consider The Difference Between Stability And Excitement

A few weeks ago I was reading an article on “The Atlantic” that Esther Perel wrote.

Now, if you don’t know who Esther Perel is then you need to stop everything you are doing right now and check out her website and watch this video,

In my opinion, the woman is a savant when it comes to understanding infidelity.

Now, let’s be honest.

Infidelity is a really dark topic and you may be sitting around and wondering why the heck I am talking about it when this article is about rebound relationships. Well, in my view there are a lot of similarities between someone who is having an affair and someone who is jumping into a rebound relationship.

After all, most of the rebound relationships I encounter are actually beginning while your partner is still with you.

But we are getting off topic here.

One of the most fascinating findings that Esther Perel has been championing is that one of the underlying causes of why we cheat on our partners is due to the fact that there isn’t enough excitement in their relationship.

They can love each other deeply but contrary to popular belief love doesn’t conquer all.

Within every man lies a need for excitement and stability.

Now, after working one on one with clients for half a decade I’ve come up with something to fully describe this need for excitement and stability

Stability is the opposite of excitement…

And excitement is the opposite of stability…

And yet we need both to feel fully satisfied in a relationship which will then help in preventing us looking elsewhere.

So, ideally we are always trying to bring this perfect balance of stability and excitement to our relationships but something tells me that when you look back on your time with your ex this might have been problematic.

For example, you might have been a little too stable and not exciting enough,

This isn’t good because what happens then?

Well, that’s where your ex will take a step back and start looking for an alternative that can bring more excitement into their life.

Of course, the reverse is also true if you are too exciting/unstable in a relationship,

You see, I have this really interesting hypothesis that in general people veer a little more in one direction than the other. Take me for example. I am not overly attracted to someone who always wants to go on adventures and is extremely outgoing.

However, there are times in my marriage where I want my wife to be that way.

I want her to be spontaneous and exciting.

But at my core I always value stability a little more.

So, the reality is that I think we are always trying to achieve a perfect balance of excitement and stability but the fact is that we always prefer one a little over the other.

6. Is Your Ex Showing Their Rebound Off To You?

Our Private Facebook Group has special terminology for rebound relationships.

They call them,

OW’s = Other Women

The OW did this…

The OW did that…

You get the picture.

Well, one interesting thing I notice on there is that they become so obsessed with the other woman and what she’s doing that they completely forget to look at things from a broader perspective.

Last year I was working with a client and her ex boyfriend had gotten an “OW.”

Obviously, I gave her this checklist (excluding this particular sign) to look over and determine if her exes new woman was indeed a rebound relationship. She determined that the new girl was but she ended up throwing me off my game when she asked me a question that I was not expecting,

“Chris, he is literally asking for my advice on how to handle her in different situations”

Now, I’m not going to lie to you. I have heard of this happening a lot but what threw me off my game was the fact that I had an instant lightbulb moment,

You see, before when a client would ask me this question I’d just immediately assume they were being friend zoned but what if they weren’t.

What if the ex was literally asking them questions about the new girl to not only throw it in their face but to gauge their reaction to see if they were still interested.

Well, the only way for me to find out was to actually go to the clients that I had helped successfully win their exes back who had rebounds and ask them if their exes exhibited this behavior.

It turns out that half of my clients said that their exes did this exact thing and half of them said they hadn’t.

That’s pretty significant.

Significant enough to add to the list.

So, our list of five became a list of six and we have strong evidence to suggest that if your ex is throwing their new relationship in your face it is a sign that, that relationship is a rebound!

I Want To Talk To You For A Bit

I don’t know if you’ve noticed but we’ve been undergoing a lot of internal changes here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery.

What do I mean by that?

Well, I’ve determined that a lot of our old content is… well, old.

It’s outdated and my views have changed on it. So, rather than writing new content covering the same ground I am going back and updating it. Just like relationships the content on our website is a living breathing thing and it needs to change as the times change.

So, I am going to make a commitment to you.

Every year as I learn more about what works and what doesn’t work I am going to come back and update this content. In addition, I’ve made a personal commitment to do my best to respond to every comment that I get.

So, if you want to a quick take on your situation just ask me a question in the comments and I’ll try to get back to you within 24 hours!

Sometimes life gets in the way but usually I am pretty good about it.

Citations and Sources:

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2,928 thoughts on “Signs Your Ex Is In A Rebound Relationship (The Definitive Guide)”

  1. Avatar

    Hannah

    February 25, 2021 at 12:46 am

    Hi. Me and my boyfriend have had problems for the last year of our relationship. We have been together for 3 years. We broke up a week ago and I’ve already found out he’s dating another girl. I think she may have been on the scene before we broke up. I know he’s spent the night at her house a couple of times because mutual friends have told me. Could this be a rebound and should I still follow the no contact rule? If he contacts me should I ignore him?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 25, 2021 at 10:35 pm

      Hi Hannah, yes I you need to follow the no contact rule for at least 45 days as he is seeing someone new, I would say that it is a rebound if not then its the grass is greener syndrome

  2. Avatar

    Vincent

    February 14, 2021 at 7:57 pm

    Is she rebounding ??
    We broke up just before Christmas(2020)
    It was her decision but I knew it was coming. We spent a week talking and then I broke down. She blocked me on everything but I managed to speak to her via a new fb account and we’ve been speaking since. She told be she slept with an ex not long after we broke up. And then stared seeing someone else at the start of the new year and is taking it slowly with them.We speak but I do most of the contacting, today I told her I wouldn’t mind if we gave things another go, an she said she is happy seeing where things go with this new guy but will keep it in mind. Do you think there is a chance of us trying again?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 18, 2021 at 5:49 pm

      Hi Vincent, it does sound as if she is on a rebound. You need to be sure that you are working on yourself in this time and that you follow the no contact rule for 45 days.

  3. Avatar

    Zara Webb

    January 26, 2021 at 9:00 pm

    Is my ex rebounding?

    I left him 4 months ago, he was begging me back he fell apart in honest. 2 weeks ago he decided to get with a old interest she looks the spitting older version of me. After 1 week speaking he is now staying at hers 4 days a week and she lives far away he does not drive. So he got with her 4 months after breaking up we were together 11years with 2 children. He had said hes moving on, that it will be okay told me to be myself not get used by other guys.
    He hasnt gone formal with her he said they are seeing eachother and hes happy but she is not on his facebook posts or his facebook says hes single still he also has my friends still on his facebook. He unblocked me when he got with her but we aren’t friends.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 27, 2021 at 10:43 am

      Hi Zara, he may rebounding, but he was also single for four months so he may realise that he still wants a relationship and is filling the void from the loss of being with you for so long. It does sound as if he has made peace that you don’t want him anymore. You don’t mention that you want him back, so I’m wondering if him being with someone else has changed your mind?

  4. Avatar

    Harvey

    January 18, 2021 at 10:20 pm

    My ex gf and I broke up cause I asked her about why she is talking to another man she claims she loves ( she met at work and had intercourse with when we broke up for 6 months but didn’t admit it to me till this final break up). But the guy used her as a booty call and doesn’t want anything to do with her but just for booty calls. I found he reached out to her by looking through her Apple Watch. I waited and calmly asked her when she spoke with him last, she made up a time frame telling me it’s been a month when she lied to me I told her he reached out last week. She proceeded to tell me she doesn’t remember and so on so forth. It then got to the point after a week we were distant from each other, I ended up kicking her out of my house even though she was already packing on her own. I tried to get her to stay she wasn’t having it so I helped her pack her stuff and she got mad at me. She tried leaving things behind and stuff but I gave it all back. She then reached out in the beginning of the break up hot and cold and then just went cold. She found a guy within 3 weeks after our break up since then we spoke very little and she ended up blocking my phone # and even went outta her way after 2 months of the break to search for me on Facebook to block me. I feel like she keeps pushing my buttons to get a reaction out of me. My question is are we really over? Considering we have had a on and off again relationship for some time now 4 years to be exact.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 19, 2021 at 9:09 pm

      Hi Harvey, so with on and off relationships, you often find that you get back together when you do not have someone else in the frame. I would suggest that you complete a 45 day no contact and work on yourself in that time, explore dating for a while and then reach out after 45 days if you want to get her back.

  5. Avatar

    Nicola

    December 20, 2020 at 1:50 am

    So my ex bf cheated while we was still together, he made her his official gf before we even broke up. It has been almost a year now and we started talking again and are on good terms, we’ve met up twice. But the girl is still posting him on Snapchat, even though he has told me they aren’t seeing each other (prob lying), and he wants things to progress with me and misses me etc. Do I still have a chance? What do I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 20, 2020 at 6:58 pm

      Hi Nicola, yes I would say he is maybe questioning coming back to you, but why would you want to be with someone who has cheated on you and is clearly cheating on this other girl with you – even if it is just emotionally right now. Consider if this is someone you want to be in a relationship with.

  6. Avatar

    Carla

    December 11, 2020 at 1:47 pm

    I (F 38) met someone (M 43) online about 15 months ago and he pushed for a romantic relationship even though I wanted to take things slow. He was very supportive when i went through difficult times and we would chat via text, phone, and video every day. I fell in love with him and we were so happy together. He was supposed to visit me but due to Covid we had to postpone meeting each other as we live in different countries, and borders were closed. We continued to talk for hours every day and i feel that he knows and understands me better than anyone else. He told me i make him very happy and he would always be there for me. My job became very stressful during lockdown and i eventually lost my job. I also had some medical issues and went through a difficult time (about 1 month). He became distant and when i confronted him he ended our relationship (at end October) and said we should just be friends. I suspected he met someone else but he denied it when i asked him directly on a few occasions. For a about 3 weeks I tried to be friends with him, with the hope that he would realize he made a mistake but it became apparent that he is speaking to someone else online, and that he hadn’t been completely truthful to me. I’m sure he was speaking to her before he ended our relationship. I started no contact on 18 November and will wait 45 days before reconsidering how to proceed. I have been focusing on getting a new job and improving myself (lost more than 12 pounds already). He hasn’t reached out to me at all except liking one of my Instagram posts. I miss him so much and it is so hard knowing that he is having a relationship with someone else… I’m losing hope that he is even still thinking about me. Is there anything else I can do now to try and get any indication if I still have a chance of getting him back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 28, 2020 at 9:15 pm

      Hi Carla, not really more you can do right now as you are long distance you just need to be sure that you are appearing to be living your life happily and not sat at home upset about him and the new woman. I suggest that you make sure you do not appear online all the time either so he can wonder where you are, or why you have not been active like you normally would.

  7. Avatar

    PJ

    December 4, 2020 at 7:35 pm

    I’m treating this woman as an ex because that’s what it feels like. We fell in love when she was married to someone else. She got divorced a 5 months ago. I did not handle things well at all. She said she found someone new, they’re taking it slow. They’re currently not dating anyone else. She said I pushed her so far away we could never have a romantic relationship. I started the no contact rule and she instantly responded you need space? I said yes. She said I do understand. I feel better but is this even salvageable?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 4, 2020 at 10:23 pm

      Hi PJ, I think you need to follow the no contact rule for 45 days and let her wonder why you are not chasing her. You need to consider how she also met someone else while speaking you / going through her divorce.

  8. Avatar

    Becky

    October 14, 2020 at 8:06 pm

    So I’ve been in a 4 year relationship with this man and we have a son together. Within the last 2 1/2 years we lost 4 babies and I have struggled with postpartum depression. We’ve been through so much together including him helping me through my depression. I’ve been trying to get back to myself but it was never enough for him and about a month ago I found out that he was talking to this girl who he sore was just a friend. That same day I brought it to his attention he broke up with me saying I’m toxic and not what he wants anymore. He said my mental health is dragging him down and he can’t deal with it anymore. I had just started to get professional help with my postpartum about a week before this so It caught me off guard since I’m trying everything to get back to a healthy version of myself. Well the whole time we’ve been broken up he has been telling me there is no hope for us that I need to just let it go but we still live together and he was still sending mixed signals so I kept faith we could fix our relationship. Well I found out that for this month we’ve been broken up he has been talking/dating that same girl he told me was just a friend. I just want our family back together, what do I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 15, 2020 at 5:27 pm

      Hi Becky, the first thing you need to do is focus on you. It’s time to be selfish and make sure that you are thinking of your mental health. Stop asking him to get back, or if there is hope etc, because right now he probably feels there isn’t as he is seeing you as the same person who is going though a hard time. You need to work on yourself so that you come out of this dark place and show him how strong and happy you can be. That is when you need to start following the program, for now though the focus needs to be on you!

  9. Avatar

    kyle roberts

    October 6, 2020 at 12:20 am

    So me and my Ex were dating for 4 years with so small fights in between, and unfortunately on the day of the break up the same happened. Fast forward 2 weeks, She hung out with me a few times continued to express her love and then one day told me she just wants to be friends, and loves me but feels like she needs to do this, so my instincts kicked and and found out she was seeing another guy since the day we broke up.. I may have overreacted a bit initially but got my emotions in check quickly and started researching. I have decided to do no contact and a week after so a month to the date of our break up she makes her relationship Facebook offical. I’m wondering do I continue no contact or do I reach out? We were talking about marriage all this year and this was a huge surprise to me..

  10. Avatar

    Joseph A Torres

    October 5, 2020 at 4:51 am

    Hey I have been in a 11 year commitment with this lady. Towards the end I let depression and worry in myself push her away. She recently got a friend and in two days she handed me her ring and said she let a FB friend get too close. They made their relationship official 6 days later. We have a 3 sons together. She says she loves me still and always will but she doesn’t think we are destined to be soulmates. I have started day 1 of no contact. I am devastated. My son misses me. He told me however mom has been really happy with this new guy. We have broken up before but we found our way back. I still very much love her and I would do anything for another chance! I also moved out to give her the breakup she wanted. She has no job and so I will be paying all the bills for the home. Will this mean anything to her? Will she realize that I truly am not one to lose?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 7, 2020 at 6:22 pm

      Hi Joseph, so as much as I say you need to provide for your boys, you do not fork out for her to live her life! Give her notice and tell her that you are going to be paying to live in your own place soon so she needs to get a job and start funding her own life!! Tell her you are willing to give maintenance, but it is not for her to live in a house that you pay for! Stick with a limited no contact, keep in touch with your children and avoid her as much as you can. Work on yourself and take care of your mental health first and foremost, the boys need a happy dad!

  11. Avatar

    kath

    September 18, 2020 at 5:27 pm

    Is my ex in a rebound?
    He was stringing me a long and her a long at the same time. When I found out about her I went mad at him and said that’s disrespectful to both of us. I then went and don’t her what was happening and she has blocked me. I see on one her pages She continues to post pictures of them together but my ex doesn’t post her at all. What on earths that all about? Is she in denial? Is he maybe just using us both?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 4, 2020 at 9:42 pm

      Hi Kath it does not sound like a rebound it sounds as if he is cheating / playing you both. The OW has probably blocked you because he has lied and told her a different story. I would suggest that you look at this as a lucky escape

  12. Avatar

    Eve

    September 15, 2020 at 6:32 pm

    So basically I, (40f) friends for over 3 years, we were in a relationship but not defined – met each month for a few days, spent time opening up to each other, he told me all his insecurities and vulnerabilities etc, the chemistry was amazing.

    This year, he put in huge effort, making plans for our future & told me wanted to make our relationship official, he wanted marriage, kids, a house. We live 100kms apart but I was planning to move to his town & he was talking about where we would live.

    When I turned 40, he freaked out and dumped me over age gap. It actually had been brilliant upto that day. Age hadn’t come up prior as it’s only this year we were official. He thought the gap was 5/6 years, not 8.

    After he dumped me, I tried to talk to him but he kept it friendly. I initiated contact, he never did. Then 2 months after breakup and no contact, I messaged him and then after a few messages, asked if we could meet, he said he would but told me he started seeing somebody. He said he wanted to stay in contact. We live too far apart to bump into each other.

    After 2 more weeks, I could see he was online all the time – he only messaged me before on it (for 3 years he only text me on it due go his dyslexia/bad at reading). I knew he was texting her. So I text him to thank him for the happy memories and to say I couldn’t stay in contact and I was deleting him off social media so i could move on. He said he hoped we can reconnect in time and said he was sorry the way it all went. I think that was just being polite or for his validation.

    It’s now 4 months after breakup and I deleted his number too. I don’t know 100% but don’t think he knew her before. It just pains so much that he made plans with me and 2 months later is with someone else.

    I’m in no contact but really thought he was “the one”. I still love him and have tried to move on but the 2 dates I made myself go on, I could only think about him.

    I’m struggling to accept it all and I would still get back together but is there too much to hold out any hope, now that he is seemingly so happy with her? Is the age gap too much and he thinks 40 is too old for kids etc.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 4, 2020 at 6:10 pm

      Hi Eve, that is difficult when he thinks you are too old, but if you can show that you are interested in having children yourself then maybe that will change his mindset and also look out for some articles about how to follow the being there method while he is with this new person. You need to start the program with a 45 day No Contact period.

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    Samm

    September 12, 2020 at 2:07 am

    My ex was seeing somebody for 2/3 months (at least) behind my back and lied to me every day about it. We officially ended once I caught them kissing. We’ve had ONE phone call since this all happened. She has blocked me on absolutely everything and has not once contacted me. I’ve been doing no contact towards her. Will she ever regret this and come back to me? I’m in so much pain every day and I don’t know how to let her and the hope go.

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    Sue

    September 3, 2020 at 10:51 pm

    My ex (47) and I (43) were together for 3 years, had a great relationship, we broke up in February, bc his I annoy his kids (16&19), I talk too much, ask too many questions, my person out over the top, out of guilt, his kids run the show. We remained friends, then w/ benefits, until June. I gave key back and had no contact. He reached out to me 3-4 weeks later, he misses me….He started seeing someone mid July (I asked if he was dating), he says he likes her, even introduced her to family. He’s been in contact with me, hangs out with me (gf doesn’t know). I’m confused, he’s sorry we couldn’t work, says we have a bond that can never be broken, misses me, cares about me so much, we have something magical, wants to be friends, spends the night (no sex), texts me all week, but not weekends. Does he really want to be friends? Is he confused? I told him I refuse to be a secret or the other woman.I love him and I’m not sure I can handle being friends at this time. He said it not fair he shouldn’t contact me, but there’s something that brings him back. We have a very special connection…What are the chances of us being a couple again? I don’t want to date anyone else….Can his new relationship last? He basically is cheating and not telling his gf the truth.
    I want us back together and last forever. I don’t like him dating, it hurts like hell. Why does he want to be my friend and not my lover if he really feels the way he says about us?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 25, 2020 at 8:25 pm

      Hi Sue, essentially you are doing what we call the being there method, and you are doing it well!! But your ex is getting the best of both worlds because the girlfriend does not know about you, I can imagine she wouldnt be happy about him spending so much time with you if she did. I would suggest that you attempt the flirting and spending time together publicly and even in “romantic” settings. He is comparing you to her most likely and deciding which is best.

      As for the relationship you had with his kids, if you could work out a way for them to like you then things may work with your ex better. This can be hard, teens can be awkward especially if they do not like that their dad is dating in general. But just leave them alone and let them come to you if they want to talk.

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    John

    August 18, 2020 at 5:42 pm

    Hello guys,
    So my ex girlfriend left me in January as it was not working. We ended up getting back together in June for 2 months but during that period she met someone else and left me for him. I went no contact after that for 2 weeks and reached out. She responded saying she is well but can’t speak to me as would be not fair on her new guy she is seeing. I responded by saying i was happy for her and that i was just clearing the air of any tension. I have now gone no contact as dont know what else to do. Should I wait it out? Should I reach out after 45 days? Should I never reach out again unless she does. It took her 4 weeks to be officially seeing someone new.

    Thanks and i would really appreciate your help as it’s causes me a lot of stress.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 5, 2020 at 8:56 pm

      Hi John you need to go 45 days no contact before reaching out – and when you do make sure that you are following the information about the being there method

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    Emma

    August 17, 2020 at 3:27 pm

    My ex is with someone new. He started a relationship with her whilst we were trying to sort things out. He didn’t tell me he was speaking to her and meeting her as he didn’t know where it was going to lead. He finished things with me without telling me about her. I found out 2 months later! He has confided in me about personal things relating to him and her when he was intimate. Thinking he had moved on too soon. He has made it known that he has met her family and is happy in his new relationship. We have two kids and wants to see them once every two weeks so he can see her and spend time with her. Since he met her, he has started drinking and smoking. He has changed his personality and is always so awkward around me. I just don’t understand what’s going on!? I try to move on and somehow he manages to pull me back in. Can you advise?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 17, 2020 at 10:34 pm

      Hey Emma, so he does not want you to move on as you are his “back up” as he knows he can come back if he wanted to. Read and follow the limited no contact rule. As for him changing, this often happens when you get into new relationships, but it wouldnt last long if he does not like that lifestyle. Stop speaking to him unless it is about your children health, safety or visitations. Let him feel like he has lost you. Do not let him come to you to talk about the OW or their relationship, read articles about being Ungettable too

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    Elizabeth

    August 13, 2020 at 3:57 pm

    My boyfriend (24) just broke up with me (21) about a month and a half ago. He started to get feelings for another girl that he works with and started to lose feelings for me. Our relationship was very strong. I don’t think either of us ever saw this coming. After we broke up he started sleeping with the other girl (meanwhile she has a boyfriend) she eventually broke up with her boyfriend and is expecting a relationship from my ex. She already wants to meet his parents and start dating while he isn’t exactly ready. Both of them are in a really bad mental state right now. The girl is self harming, while my ex has become extremely depressed, irritable, drinking a lot and only seeing this other girl. Both of their families think them being together is a bad idea. My ex and I recently started talking after a month of no contact which is how I found all this out. There was a day where he called me and said he felt he wanted to get back together. We talked, I told him he had to be 100% sure and then he started to tell me about his feelings for this other girl and that he wasn’t sure. A few days later he told me he was sorry for getting my hopes up and thinks that we would just never work out. He told me he is 1000% percent sure that he wants me in his life forever. That we are and will always be best friends and family. Both of us still have our social media profile pictures together and relationship status together. I’m getting a lot of mixed signals from him. Do you think this girl could be a rebound? I want to get back together with him but I’m just so confused.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 15, 2020 at 1:52 pm

      Hi Elizabeth, it doesn’t sound like a rebound it sounds as if he has grass is greener syndrome, this is where he thinks that the new girl is a better match for him than what you were. You can change this by working on yourself in the sense, that you work to be the best version of yourself. Read about the Holy Trinity and being Ungettable.

  18. Avatar

    Arya

    August 10, 2020 at 8:57 pm

    Hi. Me and my ex broke up a year ago but kept seeing each other until May. Then she started dating a friend of hers so we stopped. He took her on a vacation and things quickly turned more serious, while I did all the classic mistakes: begging, arguing etc. After no contact for a month I reached out and she wanted to see me. She told me she loved me, but also loved him. She said she thought we were twin flames and that I was the funniest, most interesting person she knew, but that she didnt think we could have stable relationship without arguing. At least not now. I was her first boyfriend. She told me I was the most handsome man in the world and that I was the only one she ever wanted kids with, but that the new guy was incredible kind and made her feel calm while I stressed her. She wanted to give him a chance but still wanted to be friends. I said no. He is the total opposite of me but they’ve seen each other for 2-3 months now and everything seems perfect between them. I think they match better sexually as he is quite short (as her) while I’m taller and sex would sometimes hurt for her. I know no one talks to her like I do or makes her laugh like me, but I think he is kinder and more patient.

    I haven’t seen her now for a couple of weeks and we are not in contact. Last time I saw her she told me she talks to me in her mind. I’m improving day by day and have never been closer to having normal, healthy routines. Will she come back? I think the new guy is so nice and stable that they might be together for a long time.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 5, 2020 at 9:17 pm

      Hey Arya, so if this guy is getting the brownie points for being patient and kind. Then show kindness, show patience. Volunteer at a charity, show on social media you are doing these things. Be sure to complete a 45 days NC and then start reaching out with the being there method.

  19. Avatar

    Irene

    August 6, 2020 at 2:54 am

    Hi,
    I am wondering if I have lost him for good and if he is in a rebound relationship. This is a guy that I never got into a committed boyfriend and girlfriend relationship, but we basically had a friends with benefits situation for 3 years. We exchanged gifts on Christmas, hung out together, and more. From what I have observed, it seems that he hasn’t wanted to be serious with me since I betrayed his trust by trying to pursue a few other guys early on when I was seeing him/ first met him, and since then he never wanted to pursue a serious relationship with me. Even though technically I was free to see those other guys because I didn’t tell him about it till later he says he was very hurt. And a second thing that hurt his trust was Just about seven months ago, I tried to pursue another guy and it didn’t work out, and I did not tell this guy about that failed attempt till recently. All the while I was still seeing this guy, even though we were not in a committed relationship. I tried to date this other guy because I knew that he didn’t want a relationship with me. I knew he was on dating apps but nothing serious seemed to ever come of it. I was visiting his house, and he was all over me, till less than a week later he said that I could not visit him at his house anymore because it was no longer appropriate, and because he just started dating a new girl. It happened less than a week later that he started a new relationship after he had been physical with me and all over me. He said that I ruined his trust long ago and I did not try to regain it. I basically knew all along for 3 years that he didn’t trust me, and I was unsure at times if I wanted to date him, but we continued a friends with benefits situation since I really liked him and we had good chemistry. Yes months ago I told him about my failed attempt and heartbreak with another guy. He got a bit upset because I didn’t say what I had done till months later . He basically replaced me with another girl. Since he seemed to not trust me, I did try and pursue another option before but when that didn’t work out, and he left me for this other girl, I realized how much I miss and want him and how devastated I am.
    I was very upset and I cried to him about it, I said I was sorry for omitting things from him, and he said he still wanted to be friends but I have not heard from him in over a month. He said we weren’t a good match and that “I am just mad at him for doing the same thing that I did” referring to trying to pursue something with someone else. It is really hurtful that he never trusted me enough to date me officially but he appears to recently meet this girl off a dating app that he gets into a committed relationship right way with, just throwing me away like I never was good enough. I am wondering if he is in a rebound relationship due to how fast he is with someone new and if there is any way to regain his trust and for him to come back, or if it is a lost cause. I have not spoken to him in three weeks and I plan on going no contact for at least a month or more. He has not reached out to me and I do not know if he will.

  20. Avatar

    Meegee

    July 29, 2020 at 7:20 am

    I was with my partner for 13 years..2 kids…things were rocky for last year..then when given ultimatum to fix or leave..He left…straight into a new family with woman from work and her daughter. Our kids are now 50 50. All this in space of a weekend. He has now been in the new partnership and family just shy of 2 months. Is completely vindictive to me…they’ve booked a family holiday for October…and he refers to him and partner as..us and we….thoughts? Rebound?? He is doing things he would never do with me…holidays wining and dining…it all seems to have moved so fast with no regard for kids. For him or her….chances of survival working and living together

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 31, 2020 at 12:42 pm

      Hi Meegee, sometimes when we’ve been in a long term relationship we move on quickly to fill the void that we are used to having around. I would say if he moved on to the new woman within a month of your break up then yes it is a rebound, but if their relationship passes the 8 month mark then it is no longer a rebound and it is getting to a more committed point in their relationship. You need to work on yourself and your Holy Trinity to show your ex that you are doing great without him and focus on you and the kids. If you can sort out a way to take the kids away for a “holiday” then do so, even if it is just out of town for the weekend. Do things with them to show him you do not need him to be happy. Read about the being there method and use this information if you want to try and get your ex back

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