Is My Ex In A Rebound Relationship? How Long Will It Last?

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

It’s an interesting question, “is my ex in a rebound relationship?” In fact, it is probably one of the most asked questions I get from women whose exes have moved on. On this page I am going to be writing a one of a kind, in-depth guide on rebound relationships. I am going to dissect every single aspect of a rebound that I can think of and come up with an educated guess on how long you can expect your exes new relationship to last. Now, I do think it is important to point out that this isn’t an exact science. Just because I will be predicting things on this page doesn’t mean they will happen.

While I may know most men and can predict their behaviors in the end we are dealing with a real life human being here and if there is one thing that I have learned from my experience running this website it is that human beings can be unpredictable by nature. With that in mind, lets dive right in!

What Is This Page About?

Well, it’s about rebound relationships of course! Ok, perhaps it might be more accurate to say that it is about understanding rebound relationships and how to tell if your ex boyfriend is in one. As always I am going to give you a complete rundown of what you can expect on this page.

  • We will be defining what a rebound relationship is.
  • The nitty gritty details of rebound relationships that matter.
  • How to tell if he is in one.
  • The warning signs of rebound relationships.
  • And I put together an infographic at the end that will tell you how likely it is that your ex is in a rebound relationship.

One last thing. I realize right now you are going through a pretty tough time emotionally. You may not even know if you want your ex back, seeing him with another girl may have killed any feelings you have for him. However, if you are very serious about getting him back I would like to point out that I have put together a special training for you to undergo,

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Rebound Relationships – What Are They?

rebound relationships

Here is a scary fact, USUALLY all relationships before marriage end. Think about that for a second, every single relationship you will have before you get married is going to end. Sure, maybe you “reconnect” with someone from your past after marriage but still in the strictest sense you aren’t technically dating. Lets pan out a little bit further now and look at the institution of marriage. A lot of people often quote the “50 percent of marriages end in divorce” statistic but I am not going to do that. I just want to look at things in a big picture sense. I think there is one thing that we can all agree on, a lot of people break up, before and after marriage. So, if you are going to take that view then aren’t almost all relationships a “rebound?”

No!

Rebound relationships are very specific to a certain situation. Lets hit the pause button now and define what a rebound relationship is.

Rebound Relationships- A type of relationship that is formed very quickly after a painful breakup with someone who you had an emotional and intense relationship. Rebounds are often used as crutches to soften the blow of the emotional heartache you could be feeling.

So, a few key points we should highlight here. Rebounds often occur very quickly after your ex has broken up with you (or you broke up with him.) The question now becomes, how long would you say quickly is? Well, you are here because most likely because your ex boyfriend is in a new relationship and you are trying to figure out if that new relationship is a rebound. So, the true thing we are trying to figure out is how quickly he moved on to a new relationship after he dated you.breakup quotes

The thing about men is that they tend to move on quicker from relationships. Now, there are exceptions to every rule, me personally, I can’t jump from girl to girl because I am just not built that way emotionally. However, I am the exception to that rule. I can tell you that most guys are able to move on much quicker from a relationship than women can. Now, here is the interesting thing about guys moving on. Just because they moved on to a new relationship doesn’t mean they are entirely over you. In fact, most guys who do move on aren’t over you at all.

Most experts will cite the coveted “if he moved on to a new relationship before a six month period then it is a rebound” rule. However, I am not entirely sure that it is that black and white. There are a lot of factors in play here. Factors like:

  • How long your relationship with him lasted.
  • How quickly he moved on to someone new.
  • Does he have good memories from your relationship?

Lets hit the pause button again and take a look at how each of the things I listed above can work together to tell if your ex is indeed in a rebound relationship.

How Long Your Relationship With Him Lasted

happy couple

I started with a biggie first! If you and your boyfriend dated for at least a year than that is a really good thing. You see, I think it is impossible for a guy to just forget someone, who he spent a year of his life with, while he moves on to someone new. That year that you spent with him will always be in the back of his mind when he is with his new girl. Remember, the definition of a “rebound relationship” is if your ex is basically using someone so he doesn’t have to face the heartache of getting over you.

So, in the simplest terms…..

The longer you dated your ex = More likely he is in a rebound relationship.

How Quickly He Moved On To Someone New

going in for the rebound

Another important factor to consider is how quickly he moved on to someone new. I talked about this in the lead up above and have put off giving a direct answer on this until now. I would say that if he moved on to a new relationship within three months after his breakup with you then it is highly likely his new relationship is a rebound.

Now, this factor works directly with the factor above, how long your relationship with him lasted. You see, if you only dated like a month and he moved on to someone new after three months then I am not entirely sure that would qualify as a rebound relationship. You see, a couple who has dated at least a year has had time to develop their feelings towards each other and create reminiscent memories. Of course, there are always exceptions to every rule which leads us to our next factor.

Does He Have Good Memories From Your Relationship?

happy memories

There are a couple of things I would like to point out here. Remember above when I said that it is unlikely that if you dated your ex for a month and he moved on within three months that the new girl is a rebound. Well, here is your out. In that month if he had incredibly good memories with you there may be a slight chance that the new girl is a rebound.

Now, the opposite can be true as well. Lets use a different example for this explanation. Lets say a girls boyfriend has moved on to a new relationship within the three month time frame we set above. The ex couple had dated for two years. However, the girl and her now ex boyfriends relationship was filled with nothing but bad memories. Well, while I still think that in this imaginary case the guy moved on too quickly there is always a possibility that his new girlfriend is not a rebound because the girls previous relationship with him is filled with nothing but bad memories.

More Warning Signs Of Rebound Relationships

Rebound relationships are distractions. Nothing more, nothing less. This distraction is meant to prevent a man from feeling what he is supposed to feel after a breakup in order to heal properly. Now, whether or not RR (rebound relationships) work in the healing process is not what we are here to explore. My goal with this page is to strictly educate you on RR, help you figure out if your ex boyfriend is in one, and give you a time table on how long you can expect his new relationship to last. By now, if you have read what I have said above you should be quite knowledgeable about rebounds. However, there are a lot of other rebound “warning signs” that can occur during a rebound that could be staring you in the face.

I wanted to add this section to make sure I have all my bases covered. Lets dive right in!

Did You Know That It Is Possible For Rebounds To Start Before He Has Even Broken Up With You?

 plotting

Kind of scary huh? He could already have met his targeted rebound girl while he was still in a relationship with you. Now, I think it is important to point out that if he cheated on you with this girl than I would not classify that as having anything to do with this. In fact, there are an entirely different set of questions that have to be addressed in that case.

Anyways, here is how this usually works. Your ex is unhappy in his relationship with you, he is already planning on breaking up with you, or if he isn’t planning it yet, he is at least thinking about it. Enter a new girl into the picture. Usually, he meets her at work, begins flirting with her and you take notice. Essentially, he is lining up his rebound. Think of it like a batter on deck at a baseball game. After he/you ends the relationship he moves on to his new girl who he had lined up way ahead of time. It is a cruel practice but it is also common.

 Your Ex Goes Out Actively Seeking A New Relationship (Within A Three Month Time Period.)

rebounds everywhere

Out of all the warning signs I am listing in this section I will admit that this one is probably the hardest one to be on the watch out for. You see, it requires you to know your ex extremely well. To the point where you can read his mind and since I highly doubt you are professor X from X-Men then this one you probably won’t be able to look for. Nevertheless, I want you to know how the male mind does work after a rough breakup.

There are usually two types of guys after a breakup. The first type of guy is like me. He will take some time after the relationship to heal a little bit. The second type is like a buddy of mine. He will go out on the prowl looking for chicks. Usually, the second type of guy, like my buddy, will not create a meaningful relationship with any of the chicks he ends up “picking up.” However, in the case that he does. He won’t be able to give her what she wants, a true emotional connection. Hence, he is using her as a crutch to get over the breakup.

Family And Friends Are Surprised He Is Dating Again

dating too soon

This one is a pretty common warning sign. In fact, out of all the signs I am discussing here in this section this is the one that resonates with me the most. Why you ask? Simple, I am very connected to the audience here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery. I go out of my way to respond to every comment, email or inquiry that I get on a daily basis. I have heard just about every single relationship breakup story in the book and out of all the women who have asked me if their ex is in a rebound relationship they cite this warning sign as their reasoning for thinking that he is and they are right to think that.

Your family and friends are supposedly the ones that are closest to you. I hope the same is true for you ex. If they are alarmed at how quickly he is dating again then something definitely isn’t right with him. I wouldn’t count my chickens yet but it could be a contributing sign to a rebound relationship.

How Long Do Rebound Relationships Last? Lets Put The Debate To Rest!

the rebound guy

Disclaimer: This section is ONLY meant for women who know that their ex is in a rebound.

I have good news for you. The odds are definitely in your favor! Most likely, your exes new relationship is going to end. But that isn’t the debate everyone seems to have. We are here to figure out how long exactly his new relationship will last, a few weeks, a few months, a few years? It’s a fascinating question. Lets take a step back though and talk a little about why his new relationship is doomed to fail.

Why Your Exes Rebound Relationship Will Fail

What do we know about rebounds so far? Well, they are crutches that your ex will use to attempt to get over you. We know that the new girl is basically a distraction to take his mind off the pain but we haven’t really discussed why his new relationship is doomed to fail. Lets take a quick moment and do that now!

  • It is not uncommon for someone who has just left a serious relationship to be incapable of being able to form a long lasting emotional connection with someone new.
  • The new girlfriend isn’t as dumb as you may initially believe. She may feel she is being used by him and break it off.
  • Eventually he will hit a point where the new relationship he has formed with the new girlfriend isn’t giving him what he needs and he will break it off.
  • He may just use her for physical reasons and discard her.

Putting A Timeframe On Your Exes New Relationship

timeframe meme

How are you supposed to know how long your exes new relationship will last? Maybe you can cast a spell and find out. Funny story actually, I get a lot of comments for this site every single day and about three days ago I got one of those spammy spell caster comments. I probably get five of those a day just from people trying to take advantage and make a quick buck off of you. Anyways, this spell caster promised to have the ultimate secret for knowing how long your exes new relationship would last. The whole thing was quite ridiculous but it gave me an idea. What if I came up with something like an in-depth guide on actually figuring that out? Well, two days later this post was born and I feel confident that the method I employed above to figure out if your exes new relationship is a rebound is a solid one. However, I wanted to do something that really set this apart from the rest of the crowd.

But what could I do?

Then I came up with the idea of going above and beyond by putting a timeframe on your exes new relationship to ensure that you aren’t wasting your time. Here is the thing. This website at it’s core is about helping you get back with your ex boyfriend. However, I have learned more about the process of ex recovery by talking with all of you. After hearing many of your stories I have a pretty interesting perspective on the whole process of using strategies to get your ex back. One common concern I have found that is universal in all the women whose exes are in a rebound relationship is that they don’t want to get the feeling that they are wasting their time. So, I want to introduce you to…. The Rebound Relationship Timeline!

The Rebound Relationship Timeline

Rebound Timeline

(This infographic is my opinion and not based on fact. If you would like more information like this I recommend you check out my books, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO and The Texting Bible.)

February 1, 2017

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

What Do You Think? (2,454)

  1. Rob - 0

    Rob

    I got with my ex gf while she was with her partner of 8 years , I told her she needed to think carefully and if she was leaving him do it for her not me . We had a few encounters behind his back wrong I know I feel guilty for this . She broke up with him moved him out , he had asked to see her phone which she deleted every message then he started being nasty saying she had done this before etc . She said he had physically and mentally abused her wouldn’t let her wear certain clothes or go out . She told me she hated him . She was telling me things that she would marry me tomorrow never felt this way about anyone wanted a child with me , I fell for it and deeply in love , all her friends said they had never seen her happier . There was a bit of banter in the pub her son works there . That hurt him her dad knew she had cheated and called her bad names it spiralled . She was still happy with me I thought until she asked for space but said we were still together ! The ex was drunken calling her all the time then said he was on medication and suicidal , I saw her leaving his place 2 days later she saw me and tried to hide , I was so cut up I told her I was heartbroken that she would spend more time with him and couldn’t talk to me . She got angry telling me it wouldn’t bother her she needed out of a relationship , we spoke a month later she is very good friends with her ex now talk every day she has gone down the same route on pills depression , suicidal as we hurt everyone I asked her if it was real as I felt love she said she didn’t know . I tried to be friends and she’s mixing pills and booze and goes cold the next day never once asked how I am I think it was all a fake on her part I feel so used .

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Rob are you going to do the no contact rule?

  2. Nicholle - 0

    Nicholle

    My ex and I had a wonderful relationship for 2 years. We both enjoyed most of our time together. However he broke up with me about 3 weeks ago because he said I was too much sometimes. For the first two weeks I made the mistake of begging and pleading. I didn’t contact him everyday but I did a few days and those days I begged for him back and told him how much I missed him and loved him. During this time, he did however tell me that “we might get back together just not now” this was so confusing to me because why would he break up with me if he thought we might get back together? I now know contacting him was a huge mistake, so at the beginning of the 3 week I decided to start the no contact period. I am now 1 week into no contact and I am still missing my ex like crazy constantly checking his social media pages. He is currently with another girl. He went to his school with this girl and has known her for a very long time. He tends to hang out with her when he is in between relationships or on a break with his ex girlfriends but they never dated or were anything serious. I know this because before we started dating, he broke up with his ex about 6 months before and he was hanging out with the girl he is currently hanging out with during those six months. This girl is the complete opposite of me and him for the most part, but I think she’s fun and is showing him a good time. I am trying to figure out if this is a rebound relationship and if I have a chance at getting back together with him. He started hanging out with this girl immediately after we broke up like not even a day later. I knew about this girl when I was still in contact with him and asked him about her and he kept telling me he’s not with her and just hangs out with her because she’s fun to hang out with and they are friends but I’m not sure if I can believe that. I am willing to do anything to get him back in my life, do you think I still have a chance? We also had sex about a week after the break up and he told me he loved me that day too. The thing I’m mostly worried about is that he’s spending so much time with this girl. Most of his friends have girlfriends so there’s a possibility he hangs out with her because of that reason. I personally think that he needed a break from me and that if I want and finish out the no contact period he will want to get back together with me but there’s always that worry that he’s not going to. I want to show him that I’m having a good time without him during this no contact period but I don’t use social media too often so I think if I start to post he will know that it is directed towards him.

    Thank you for your help!!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      just start out slowly. You’re conveying you’re changing. So, that’s just one of the changes.

  3. Dan - 0

    Dan

    I was withe the love of my life for 2 years. We met at work and instantly fell in Love. My situation is different I guess you can say. I lived with the Mother of my child and told her upfront when we got together the truth. The Mother of my child and I agreed to separate and I was moving out. Me and the Mother of my child are not together and not in Love. I met the the woman of my dreams and had a great 2 years. I promised her i was moving away from the mother of my child , but was waiting for my life to be financial secure before moving. She didn’t mind that and Loved me. We had dances in the rain, and held each other. When we made love we shaked and stared at each other’s eyes. We were seeing each other every night for 2 years. It was Love we could feel it. After 2 years she sends me a text on July 4th saying “Don’t be mad, but I’ve recently started seeing someone”. I was so Hurt by this and was angry and of course said things I didn’t really mean because it caught me off guard. She told me that she didn’t want anyone else 2 weeks before sending me that text. She instantly blocked me from her life right after I received that text. I unfriended her on Facebook because I didn’t want to be hurt and reminded. She blocked my phone and messenger on Facebook. I never sent her any messages besides the instant reply to her text to me on the 4th. 2 weeks passed and I sent one text to her phone from a friends phone to apologize to her for my comments on the 4th after her text. I told her I respected her new relationship and that she deserved a good man in her life. She replied that she had to move on and couldn’t wait for me to make a decision, which she never pushed me to make a decision and she was understanding of my situation. I know my faults I owned up to them. I lost the Love of my life. I guess my question is, Is their a chance that this is a rebound relationship? She said she loves me and misses me 2 weeks before sending me a text on the 4th saying she’s seeing someone else? It seems like it happened so fast. I just wished she would have talked to me personally about this instead of texting me :(. Thanks for reading. I’m also in NC for a month and it’s getting easier, but everyday my heart hurts for her. I keep myself busy and it helps, but the memories that were so sweet hurt. I cried over her and I don’t cry very easily. I have no way to contact her anyways. So should I just wait and hope she contacts me? I don’t expect it, but hopefully it’s a rebound or a mistake she made.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Dan,

      It looks more like a grass is greener case

  4. Renee - 0

    Renee

    Me ex and I broke up during a huge fight and he was sleeping with his other previous ex and was with her within the hour and is staying with her at her mom’s place because he has no where else to go but we were texting the first couple days and I did beg him to come back and he said he didn’t want to be there and he was thinking about things and then he would say he doesn’t want me and I have a daughter who he treats like his own and he is saying he just wants to visit her and see her and maybe we can talk and then he says there is no chance of us… it’s just really confusing to me but now I haven’t talked to him in a couple days and we only broke up a week ago… so I just wanted your advice/opinion on what exactly you think he’s trying to do? Like does he want her? And does he actually want to see mydaughter or is he just using that to keep me around? She’s only 7 months so it’s not like shell remember him…. I just don’t get how he’s thinking and if he even misses me or wants me… I’m just upset and emotional and completely lost

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Renee,

      It looks it’s an excuse for him to keep you around..are you going to do the no contact rule/

  5. Marie - 0

    Marie

    My ex and I broke up after about 4 years of dating. We had planned on getting engaged at one point, but then he broke up with me, I told him I wasn’t sure of I truly loved him. And then about a few weeks later I got into a rebound that lasted about a month and started ignoring his text. I ignored his texts on and off for about 4ish months during which time, we had sex twice, but I didn’t continue communication. Eventually though I came to my sense and told him I wanted to be with him. This time I was very much in love and worked my butt off to prove it to him and apologize. Well a year later I got very upset about something that we didn’t agree on and it was a deal breaker for me, so I broke it off. He kept talking to me and explained to me that it wasn’t that big of a deal. So I told him we could continue if I saw a change. Well we live in different states and I told him I wanted to come visit him in a week, so we could spend some quality time together. I asked him if he wanted to see me and wanted to continue things and he said yes. So I came to visit him for the weekend. The weekend went well despite one little argument that I was able to turn around. Well a few days later him and I were talking about possibly going to counseling because I would be living in town near him all summer. And he said he felt weird talking about that with me. I was confused and asked why. He said he didn’t know and maybe we should just be friends. Well I was so confused and started crying and he sat on the phone with me to help me feel better till I went to sleep. A week later I decide to come see him just for a day, so we could talk face to face. He told me he didn’t want to see me and that he thought things were too tense. I was so confused and the next day he didn’t text me until about 2 am. I told him I was stressed all day and he asked why. I told him because I thought he was with someone else, and he told me he was and that’s why he didn’t want to see me the day before. Since then we have had many arguments, but things have died down a lot. His rebound asked him to cut me off and he originally said no, because he wanted to make sure I was ok. And now we are at the point where we talked and have talked in person a few times and he told her we stopped talking a few weeks ago (he thinks she’ll leave him if she finds out). And about 2 weeks ago he told me out of the blue that she could drop him at any moment and he feels like sh**. I asked him why he doesn’t break up with her and he said, because he doesn’t want to be impulsive and her good outweighs her bad. I have no idea what to do. I don’t want to disrespect her, but I want him back. Also she took him out to eat the day we broke up and did a few other, out of her way, nice things for him the week before, so I honestly feel like she was trying to take him away, because she knew things weren’t good. But I do want him back, granted I’d make him work for it, but I want him back. I have no idea what to do and she is very clearly a rebound. They are already having problems, but she is always trying to take up all his time outside of work (I honestly feel like it’s to keep him away from me). It’s been almost 2 months since the break up and about a month and a half since their relationship started. And she’s clearly insecure because she told me if I loved him I’d stop talking to him about 2 weeks after our break up. And she tried to talk to me in person a few weeks ago to tell me not to talk to him anymore. I feel like the relationship could be falling apart, but he usually tells me when they are having a problem and he hasn’t mentioned anything (probably because he told her he doesn’t talk to me anymore).

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi marie,

      Are you going to do the no contact rule?

    • Marie - 0

      Marie

      I want to, but I’ve been having trouble. Do you think even though we’ve been talking for the past two months it’ll still work?

    • Marie - 0

      Marie

      He told me he doesn’t have romantic feelings for me anymore. But I don’t really believe him

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      There’s no guarantee that it wil work in any circumstance, but you can still try it

  6. T - 0

    T

    Hi Amore,

    I was seeing a guy for about 10 months. Most of this time was long distance. In the beginning we were in the same state and in the end we were in the same state. While we were away we visited each other across the country twice.
    We never actually decided we were BF and GF which I think had to do with why we brokeup. Got into a fight over making each other jealous and when I confronted him he said he didn’t think he wanted to date. I didn’t freak out, I said okay I understand hope we can still be friends because I knew how much this guy liked me and how much fun we have together.

    He and I had a concert to go to 3 days after this talk. We went and had an amazing time. He told me to come back to his apartment and when I got there his ex gf from so long ago was there and flipped out saying she was his GF. I was hanging out with this guy every weekend, going to family events, planning trips together- there’s no way I was the side piece girl.

    It was a disaster and then I cut contact. He kept texting and snap chatting me and saying he wanted to talk because he cared about me so much.

    I figured I would let him stew on it for the weekend, I didn’t answer. He snapchatted me that morning and I didn’t answer then he put up a picture of the ex gf on his story. I was furious. I got drunk that night and texted him yelling at him. The next day we talked and argued a bit back and forth, he kept saying he wants to be friends. I said I didn’t want that.

    A few days later I told him I wasn’t happy about how things ended and I wanted to talk in person and he agreed. The night we were going to talk he didn’t follow up with me so I didn’t text him. He snapped me I didn’t answer. Next day he texted me being like I didn’t hear from you last night. I was being very nonchalant because if he didn’t care neither did I. Then I left the country for a week. While I was gone he sent me a snap of a song we saw in concert, I didn’t answer. Then being naive I texted him when I returned and said I am back now if you’d still like to meet up. He didn’t answer. Then I saw a snapchat on one of our friend’s stories that he was w the ex girlfriend at his family’s beach house. The next day he texted me and asked how my trip was and I didn’t answer.

    I am curious if he is using his ex as a rebound. They broke up a pretty long time ago and while he and I were together she was adamant about trying to get him back and he wasn’t interested. He said things about her like they always fought and she didn’t know how to take care of herself. Even when he and I were fighting he said that she just showed up at his apartment that night and that “she is crazy about him” and that they’re not together. Is he going back to her because she is crazy about him and it makes him feel better?

    I really hadnt like this guy very much until about a month ago and I finally let my guard down. He seemed so into me taking me to nice places, buying me gifts, he even got himself a gym membership because I like to go to the gym. What would you say the next steps to take are? I’m also afraid I am going to see him this weekend for our friends birthday

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      After the events, do you want to try the no contact rule?

    • T - 0

      T

      Yes. I have been in no contact for 11 days I have not heard from him.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      that’s good. Be active in improving yourself and in posting

    • T - 0

      T

      He texted me on my birthday 4 days ago and said “happy birthday dude” I didn’t answer. Is this a good sign? He’s back looking at all of my Snapchat stories again

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Yup it is

    • T - 0

      T

      Hi amor I only have 3 days left of no contact. He put up an Instagram picture last weekend of a sunset in Maine and tagged the ex gf in it. Apparently they went on a trip together but this May of been for his job. Yesterday I put up a picture of me doing yoga and he liked it, and then checked out my snap stories right after.
      Just want your opinion of what I should do after NC ends this weekend.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Initiate contact and dont bring up his tagged posts with the ex.. Check this one:
      How To Properly Start A Conversation With Your Ex After No Contact

    • T - 0

      T

      Hi amor,

      First contact went well texted him you’ll never believe what I just saw. He answered and said what was it. I responded and hour later and talked about a special on a menu that reminded me of this cool place we went to in Cali. I said it made me think of him for the first time in a while and I hoped he was doing well. He answered a fairly long response the next morning, I answered a bit later with a question in response to something he said and told him I was going to yoga and couldn’t talk. He said something decently long and said “oh wow before work look at you” in response to yoga. I didn’t answer. Then he snap chatted me a picture of his dog talking about its haircut, I sent a picture of my dog back, then he sent a picture of himself and I made a remark about his mustache because he never had one before and he didn’t answer.

      Today I texted him and asked for his advice about making a bet on an mma fight coming up, he was sending me huge paragraphs about who to choose and I said well if I lose beware because I’m coming after you! He responded something normal and I didn’t answer.

      My question is now where do I go from here? I know I’m not supposed to text him tomorrow because of texting rules but on Friday I’m not gonna have anything I can think of to say. I don’t want to seem like I’m trying so hard to talk to him if he’s not initiating, especially considering his ex is still in the picture. Do you have recommendations on what to say?

      Convo has been really light which is good and he’s giving good feedback but I feel like I’m at a standstill

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Use the topics that he always loves talking about

    • T - 0

      T

      So I hungout with him. We had some good text convos and I got him to meet up with me for drinks (he didn’t initiate any of the text convos). We spent 4 hours with eachother, it was super casual and light, lots of laughing. He seemed like he wanted to spend more time together, saying lets get one more drink, but I couldn’t because I had to be somewhere. He was trying to make plans to see me the next day but when I followed up the next day he seemed distant. I didn’t make a big deal of it. Texted him 2 days later saying “had fun the other day, lets do something after work this week” and he got back to me saying he was busy during the week but we would get together soon. I feel like he is pulling back again. Things seemed great when we were together but I don’t want to be pushy and scare him away. What would you recommend doing now? I told him “sounds good dude” to his last message (trying to be friend-like) and I figured I wouldn’t speak to him until he reaches out. What do you think is the best idea?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      don’t rush.. it’s supposed to be texts to build rapport to move to calls, calls to be build more rapport and attraction before meet ups..

  7. Liz - 0

    Liz

    Hello Amor,
    I’ve left a few comments on a couple of these articles months ago but a lot has happened since then and i really need some advice although im not even sure if you can help me with this problem I have. This might get a little long. So my ex and I are both 25. We were an on/off couple with a 10 year history although we have known each other since 8th grade. So we have known each other for 12 years all together. He broke up with me back in August 2016 after almost 7 years together. I didn’t really take it well especially since he left me at a time when I was going through very difficult times in my family health wise and when I needed him the most. I didn’t take our break up very well due to this and I constantly called/texted him begging for another chance and trying to talk to him for months. He would still talk to me a few times and we met up in December. I asked him for another chance but he was already in a rebound relationship with another girl by this time and had the gigs syndrome. He eventually blocks my phone number right before new years eve. No contact with him for months until early April when he randomly texts me asking if he could apologize to me in person to which I allow. During our no contact, I completely change myself. Started exercising more, had a drastically different haircut, gotten new glasses, and had a much higher self esteem. He apologized for cutting me out for all those months and admitted that he wanted to talk to me as I was his best friend but didn’t know how. He also tells me that he sees my changes and that hes proud of me and that I remind him of how I used to be when we first got together in high school. He tells me that he had just broken up with the girl he was rebounding with and that their break up had gotten ugly and out of hand to which legal action had to take place and she give him a lot of difficulties. He begs me for another chance and constantly tried to kiss me to which i don’t agree to as he had really hurt me when he broke up with me and I had a wall up and was scared of getting hurt again and needed more time. I tell him that there is a possibility for us to get back together although not anytime soon but i tell him that we can stay friends first as he really is my best friend. His parents were also happy that we were talking again as they had always liked me and didn’t care for his rebound girl. I also tell him that would have to put in more effort into winning me back since I didn’t love him the same way that I had used to but I still wasn’t completely over him. I tell him exactly what I wanted from him and he agrees to put in more effort. We still texted and saw each other in person regularly through April and he added me on Snapchat. In May, we still texted but didn’t see each other in person much as I was busy with college finals. I was also getting upset that he wasn’t putting in much effort into winning me back like he agreed. On June 5th, I ask him to visit me at my house as a way to tell him to continue putting in effort into me and I really did want to see him. We ended up just talking and watching tv. Some clothes did come off though. He tried to kiss me but I still wasnt ready for that but I hugged him and he commented that I looked happy and I told him that I genuinely was. I ask him to take me out for my birthday that was soon and he agrees and asks if he can get me a birthday gift. After he leaves my house, we keep texting and flirting and talking on Snapchat for the next three weeks although we do not see each other in person again due to his work schedule and I was busy also. I call him on June 8th to check up on him and ask if he got out of work ok. He thanks me for calling. We keep texting but I start noticing that his messages start getting shorter and more sporadic and we wouldnt talk for a couple of days. On my birthday, he sends me a message on Snapchat but doesnt call me or talk to me the whole rest of my birthday. Early afternoon June 19 , I send him a text and a Snapchat message asking if he’s doing ok to which he replies that he is on a date and about to head to work. I took this a little hard but I replied with just an “ohh ok” and “be careful going to work.” He does not reply or text me again. Later on that night I text him asking if i could say goodnight to which he does not reply. I also wanted to ask him to go visit me at my house the next day as I was really missing him and wanted to talk to him. Next day June 20, I call him again to ask him to visit me but he does not answer. He never called me back, answered my texts, and I noticed that he had blocked me on Snapchat. June 21, I go to his house to confront him and ask why he started ignoring me again. He answers with an “I dont know”. I ask him about what is going on between us and admitted that didnt think anything would happen between us again as I was still being cautious and also admits that he had seen his ex (the girl he rebounded with) again because she wanted to apologize. He seemed really embarrassed about this. He also tells me that she had taken his phone while he was away and sent me that message that he was on a date. I tell him that yes he might meet someone else but he pulls me into his arms, tells me not to be saying stupid comments like that and that he only wants me. I remind him to put in some more effort, tell him that I love him and kiss him. He kisses me back and clothes come off and some things happen but i stop him before we went all the way. I tell him to please not ignore me anymore as he really is my best friend and that his ex wasn’t a good person. He tells me that he “wishes that he could say lets get back together right now” but he still had some “things to figure out” He ends with a comment that he has no idea what hes doing and that i’m too good for him. I tell him that is why he needs to talk to me not ignore me and we can take it slow. Before I leave his house he tells me that im the greatest friend that anyone could ever have. I leave his house and he does not talk to me again after that. June 22, I get a call from an unknown number and I answer. A girl is on the other line asking for me and I tell her that it is me and asking who she is. She tells me that its my ex’s girlfriend (the girl he rebounded with). She tells me that they have been together again for 3 weeks and to stop talking to him and stop going to his house. I am absolutely shocked and was not expecting this. I am completely heartbroken again and confused as to how this happened after everything that he told me. That explains why he started blocking me again. She also asked me why I seemed so shocked and she thought that I knew this and didnt my ex tell me? I tell her that I did not know and that he did not tell me. She tells me again to stop talking to him and that she doesnt want any drama and I think she somewhat threatened me. I tell her that I dont want any trouble and that ill stay away. June 24, I get a call from my ex. I answer it but he hangs up as soon as I answer. I call him back but it rings once and goes to voicemail. He hasnt tried contacting me again. I am so upset and confused that he cut me out again for her when I know that he doesn’t want her and really wants me (his words) and is rebounding with her yet again. I cant believe he would do this to me. I know i said that i would stay away but im not sure if i should. Should i wait to see if my ex tries to contact me again or should I confront him first and demand for answers. Im not sure which one of them is lying to me. I dont want to lose my best friend. Weve known each other for 12 years. Please help Amor. Im so confused and heartbroken.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      If you really are serious about your standards, you have to stick with it and act by it.. That means if he’s still with the other girl you dont give him the time of day

    • Liz - 0

      Liz

      Thank you Amor. I know I should and need to let go of him but it’s incredibly difficult. He’s the love of my life and my best friend of 12 years but I keep waiting for the impossible to happen. I just can’t believe he did this. I don’t think it’s a gigs thing as he told me before that he was never really happy with her and that she gave him many difficulties. He admitted to me that she was just a rebound and I never did anything wrong to him and that he only really loved me. I don’t understand how he gave up on me so easily after about a month and a half when he supposedly loves me. Maybe there’s something he’s not telling me. I’m so confused.

      I’m still also deciding whether I should confront my ex since in a way this will be my closure as I will be severing all ties with him after I confront him and I also want to give him back an important gift that he had given me a few years ago. This object really belongs to his dad and is his favorite. I feel like I cant keep it anymore and need to give it back. Maybe that will show my ex that I’m serious about this.

      I also have another problem that ties into this and makes this situation more difficult. My ex and i have a mutual friend who has been friends with us for 11 years. Our friend and his wife absolutely do not want me to get back with my ex as they say that he doesn’t deserve me and that I deserve someone better especially with the way my ex has been acting recently. Due to rent issues with his apartment, he and his pregnant wife will be moving into my ex’s house as soon as his wife gives birth which is in about 3-4 weeks. My ex’s parents are excited about this as they love him and consider him family and he lived with them once about 5 years ago. He will only be living there until October since he will be moving far away out of town soon and my ex’s house is the only place he can find to live and is his last resort. The thing is he wants me to visit his child while he’s living at my ex’s house as I will be his godmother. I really do want to visit my friend and my godson before they move away and I don’t see them again for a good long while but this will be very difficult for me even though my ex is hardly home now due to his work schedule and stays over at his rebound’s house before work (she told me this. Not sure if this is true). It will also be difficult seeing my ex’s parents and house over and over again when I have many memories there. But our friend is adamant that i put away those feelings and visit my godson. In a way, our friend and my ex have been drifting apart since he’s disappointed with how my ex has been acting these past few months also. He’s also trying to put away those feelings since he will be living at his house for a while. If he can do it then so can I. (I hope). Im hoping that his parents don’t try to convince us to get back together as i really don’t think I can give my ex another chance with how he just so easily gave up on me and went back to his rebound.

      Should I confront my ex and give his dad back his gift even though this situation with our mutual friend is coming up and making things more difficult or should I not and just wait to see what happens?

    • Liz - 0

      Liz

      Thank you Amor. I know I should and need to let go of him but it’s incredibly difficult. He’s the love of my life and my best friend of 12 years but I keep waiting for the impossible to happen. I can’t believe he did this. I don’t think it’s a gigs thing as he told me before that he was never really happy with her and that she gave him many difficulties. He admitted to me that she was just a rebound and I never did anything wrong to him and that he only really loved me. I don’t understand how he gave up on me so easily after about a month when he supposedly loves me. Maybe there’s something he’s not telling me. I’m so confused.

      I’m still also deciding whether I should confront my ex since in a way this will be my closure as I will be severing all ties with him after I confront him and I also want to give him back an important gift that he had given me a few years ago. This object really belongs to his dad and is his favorite. I feel like I cant keep it anymore and need to give it back. Maybe that will show my ex that I’m serious about this.

      I also have another problem that ties into this and makes this situation more difficult. My ex and i have a mutual friend who has been friends with us for 11 years. Our friend and his wife absolutely do not want me to get back with my ex as they say that he doesn’t deserve me and that I deserve someone better especially with the way my ex has been acting recently. Due to rent issues with his apartment, he and his pregnant wife will be moving into my ex’s house as soon as his wife gives birth which is in about 3-4 weeks. My ex’s parents are excited about this as they love him and consider him family and he lived with them once about 5 years ago. He will only be living there until October since he will be moving far away out of town soon and my ex’s house is the only place he can find to live and is his last resort. The thing is he wants me to visit his child while he’s living at my ex’s house as I will be his godmother. I really do want to visit my friend and my godson before they move away and I don’t see them again for a good long while but this will be very difficult for me even though my ex is hardly home now due to his work schedule and stays over at his rebound’s house before work (she told me this. Not sure if this is true). It will also be difficult seeing my ex’s parents and house over and over again when I have many memories there. But our friend is adamant that i put away those feelings and visit my godson. In a way, our friend and my ex have been drifting apart since he’s disappointed with how my ex has been acting these past few months also. He’s also trying to put away those feelings since he will be living at his house for a while. If he can do it then so can I. (I hope). Im hoping that his parents don’t try to convince us to get back together as i really don’t think I can give my ex another chance with how he just so easily gave up on me and went back to his rebound.

      Should I confront my ex and give his dad back his gift even though this situation with our mutual friend is coming up and making things more difficult or should I not and just wait to see what happens?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      If that’s what helps you have closure..so be it

  8. Jamie - 0

    Jamie

    My ex and I were together 6 years off and on and have a 5 year old child together. He broke up with me almost a year ago but we still always talked about things that he wanted me to do in order for us to be together again, up until about a month ago when he got a new girlfriend. He will not refer to her as his girlfriend but just someone who he is seeing and he spends a lot of time with her and she allows him around her children, he has not brought ours around her yet. He still talks to me everyday and although he says he’s over me and our relationship he still can’t say that he won’t ever be with me again. It confuses me, I don’t understand how he can be in a relationship with someone who he supposedly likes a lot but he talking to me almost everyday about how he doesn’t know if we could possibly be together again. Do you think he’s just in a rebound relationship and really isn’t over everything with him and I or do you think he really is over everything and isn’t in a rebound relationship? Thanks!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jamie,

      it can be a rebound but it looks like he’s just stringing you along too

  9. Cathy - 0

    Cathy

    But in the article is says he could’ve been lining up another girl as a rebound during the relationship because he knew things were going to end? And I read up on grass is greener, there isn’t a lot of information in terms of getting my ex back?? it seems like if he has gigs than it’s hopeless and all I can do is wait around in NC until he decides (if he decides) he wants me back

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      if it’s a rebound, it would just be easier to make him regret.. If its gigs, that means you have to look like your change is genuine and not just because you’re trying to get him.. If he found the other person better then you have to improve yourself from the person he knew.. not totally change to a different person that you think he would like but a better version of you.. just be you.. that if you dont get him back, even if it hurts, you would get past and keep moving on to improving..

    • Cathy - 0

      Cathy

      Will someone with gigs cheat on the girl they left me for? This morning my ex and I were chatting, for the first time since our relationship he told me that I looked really good in a pic on Facebook. All I said was thanks and went on with my day. Tonight I was out with my friends drinking and he and I started texting again. I made the mistake of sending a But Immediately apologised, saying “if I make you uncomfortable just let me know, I know you have a gf so I don’t want to cross any lines” he replied and said “don’t worry it’s fine! .” When I drink im very flirty so I think he took advantage of that!! He was telling me how he was having a bath and that it would be better if I was in there with him, he was reminding me of the past when certain things would happen with him after I had been out drinking with my friends (very inappropriate stuff!!) considering he’s done this to his new gf within 2 months since he broke up with me, idk if I want him back! But now due to this I can’t tell if he has gigs or she is a rebound and whether he just wants me back in his life?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      dont jump.. if he really is attracted to you again, that’s very good but take it slow.. because it can also mean he’s leading you on, trying to see whomever he’s going to be happier with..

  10. Cathy - 0

    Cathy

    Hi, my ex and I broke up in April after 2 years. We were long distance so i didn’t see him much and it was easy for me to become jealous and controlling after he cheated on me. A few days after the break up I saw him post on social media about a girl he had been friends with for 6 months. He was flaunting his happiness with her and writing loved up stuff that you’d usually see in the honey moon period. I began 30 days nc to either get over him, or get him back. I went for 40 days nc and then sent him a message via Facebook that he replied to. We’ve been talking for a week now, I’ve stopped contact with him for days at a time so that he knew I wasn’t sitting around at home waiting for his messages and pining over him. But I’m not sure if he is still with this new girl, and if he is, whether it is a rebound relationship or not. I just don’t know what’s going through his head! He doesn’t message first, one day he’ll reply with upbeat messages but the next they’re neutral as if he isn’t interested in talking to me, but his replies are always so quick, within minutes or even seconds which was hard enough to get him to do that quickly during our relationship. What I find curious is that he never uses FB, in our relationship he always said he couldn’t understand why people use it. He could go weeks at a time without logging on, even when I messaged him for the first time after nc he hadn’t been on for a week, but now he’s not just on every single day, but he’s active all the time. I don’t know whether I’m wasting my time or not, should I ask him if he’s still seeing this girl? And if so how would I approach that? I want him back but considering he lives in another country it’s very difficult!!

    Reply
  11. D - 0

    D

    When he dumped me, he said several things – he couldn’t be in a relationship right now because his life was a mess, he didn’t want to destroy his son by letting him get attached to another woman, he couldn’t have a girlfriend,….and yet three weeks later he’s dating another girl. Maybe he was even talking to her before he dumped me. We were talking a bit before he met her, but then out of the blue, he starts ignoring me. To which I freak out a bit and started gnatting him. I know, mistake. He recently went official with her on Facebook, and told me I was being obsessive and that I needed time to heal, so he unfriended me and made all his posts private. I’m doing 45 days NC, but I’m not even sure if he’s going to reply to me even after that since he fell in love again so quickly.

    I helped him through some of the hardest points in his life and he just cuts me out like a tumor. Do I even have a chance at this point?

    Reply
    • D - 0

      D

      Like, I feel like he expected me to be over him dumping me out of the blue as quickly as he got over me, and now he’s okay with waltzing women in and out of his son’s life, even though I heard him say repeatedly that’s a terrible thing to do to a kid.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      if you want to move on now, that’s ok.. if you don’t, make the most of nc by focusing in yourself.. if he doesn’t reply, at least you know you did what you can in a dignified way..

  12. Leah - 0

    Leah

    I was with my boyfriend for 2 years. About 2 months ago he decided he was unhappy and we broke up but he wanted to continue to be friends. But when a mutual friend told me about stuff he was saying about another girl I stopped messaging him because it hurt. He was already in a relationship or was about to begin one with someone else not even a week after our 2 year relationship ended!! The worst part was that he had been friends with her for 6 months and I didn’t find her a threat because they weren’t very close. So I found ex boyfriend recovery and started the 30 day no contact rule. I went for one month and about 2 weeks until I messaged him again (which was about 3-4 days ago) and our conversations have been going pretty well. But is this a rebound relationship? Or do you think he just liked her during our relationship and wanted to be with her instead. I just don’t know how to get him back even though I’ve been reading up on it since we broke up!!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it’s a grass is greener.. check this one:
      The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends

    • D - 0

      D

      I don’t think I want to move on just yet….I’m just scared I ruined any chance of him ever wanting to speak to me again. I’d made the decision to do 45 days before he cut me out, but now I’m just sick with anxiety over the fact that he might’ve fallen for someone else in the time it took me to even process the fact that we were over. How do you stay present with someone who unfriended you? We don’t have any mutual friends anymore because they all unfriended me within hours of him dumping me and immediately friended the new girl and are all fawning over her. She seems perfect in every way, able to give him everything he wants, and he didn’t even have to work for it – all it took was meeting her a week after he dumped me. It was like clockwork for him. They do all kinds of things I had no idea he was even interested in. She even has a kid his son’s age, so she’s got one more thing over childless me. They’re all over each other on Facebook and he got a bit defensive when a couple people expressed confusion over their new relationship (“We’re dating, nothing confusing about it”).

      I feel pretty alone these days and I don’t understand much. All I do understand is that I’m still in love with him – I feel like he’s my other half, and I know this because I’ve always taken relationships slowly in terms of emotion. I didn’t fall for him right off the bat. But I want to know what I did to make his feelings fall away and if I can rekindle them.

      I guess what I’m trying to say is….at the end of 45 days, will he be thinking “phew, she’s gone, thank fuck” or “I wonder where she went?”

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      he’ll probably wonder.. and if he does, will he regret leaving you with what he discovers being curious about you?

  13. Molly - 0

    Molly

    Me and my ex have been friends for 9 years and we were together unofficially for 3 years and together officially for 2 years… We initially split up for about 3 days but then we agreed that we’d see how things Go, so we kept hanging out and doing the regular couple things we were doing before and even went on holiday together. But then we agreed that we should stop seeing eachother and focus on our own lives for a bit, but only a month after that was said he started hanging out with this other girl which I found disrespectful, at first he wouldn’t tell me if they were just friends or more, then I found out they were more than friends so I stopped speaking to him, I also feel like he was replicating our special moments with her… Is she a rebound or has he moved on from our relationship? I mean he didn’t really have a break between us so I don’t know when he got the chance to even get our relationship…

    Reply
  14. Molly - 0

    Molly

    My ex and I were friends for 9 years and we were together unofficially for 3 years but together officially for 2 and b years, when we initially split up we said that we’d still still see how things go and we still hung out for 8 more months and did the normal couple stuff we used to do, even going on holiday together etc, but then we agreed to stop seeing eachother to allow us time to focus on our own lives for a bit, but a month later from when we stopped seeing eachother, he was already hanging out with a new girl and this angered me because I felt disrespected at how quickly he’d “replaced” me and what we had… Is he in a rebound relationship and filling the void of not having me to hang out with or has he simply moved on.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it can be a rebound to replace having somebody by his side because you were his friend for 8 more months.. so, he’s used to having somebody by his side.. but you should approach it like he has moved on from you if you want to try again.. check this one:
      EBR 012: How To Get Out Of The “Friend Zone” With Your Ex Boyfriend

    • Molly - 0

      Molly

      When they first started hanging he hinted that he wasn’t over me… When I stopped talking to him, he messaged saying it’s hard for him to not be in my life but it’s what has to happen if we want to move on from eachother and that we should distract ourselves with other things… Could he have been hinting he’s using her as a distraction? I mean without me, he really doesn’t have any other friends to hang out with as they’re in either in relationships or living far away from him and he was used to having me to do stuff with, he hasn’t told his family about her, and he’s the type to mask his feelings rather than face them head on

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      if she’s a rebound, yes

    • Molly - 0

      Molly

      As we have a mutual friend in common, the other day I went to that mutual friends party, my ex wasn’t there but he saw a video of me dancing around with the friend (the friend is a guy) and he sent a text the next day annoyed about it… I’ve also stopped reacting angrily to things he does and not texting him when I see things that annoy me, but ever since then I feel like he’s doing things to purposely annoy me like blocking and unblocking me off social media and then posting things that he knows I’ll see and will annoy me… but I don’t get why he’d be annoyed about the dancing or trying to get my attention if he claims to be happy with the new girl

  15. Jadyn - 0

    Jadyn

    Not sure if this posted. I thought I posted it yesterday but it was still in the comment box when I came back to check.. Day 16 on my second attempt at no contact. I was on about day 20 when he told me he has been seeing somebody else. I replied (DANG). He told me how he is not in a relationship with her but just seeing where it goes. 2 nights ago my friend (our mutual friend) tells me that he is introducing her to all of them that night (i didn’t ask for this information, she just wanted me to know that she is in town and I could possible bump into them… our town has a population of 1600 people, so its very easy to do). And guess what, we ended up at the same May long weekend party. She was all over him, he was all over her, they danced (he hates dancing and would only danced with me when I begged). She stole his hat several times like I use to do to him… and when he wasnt paying attention I noticed she was flirting with acouple other guys. So now that I know who this girl is I realized she works with him (surprise surprise) and they had been snapchatting each other for awhile (i trusted him and thought nothing of it when he was). My ex was bragging to my friends about how she gets him and how they are so awesome together… My first thought is total grass is greener rebound relationship. Heck my ex and I have been best friends for 5 years, dated unofficially for 3 of those and dated officially for 2. We lived together for a year, were about to buy a house together (we looked at a house less than 2 weeks before the break up) and had so many other plans. Is this a rebound? Do we still have a chance (if i decide I want him back after nc)? Do you have any tips on how to deal with this girl if I end up seeing her?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      if they talked before the break up, and he found her better and broke up with you, she’s a grass is greener. If he just dated and paid attention to her after the break up, even if he found her better now but not when he was with you, it’s more likely a rebound.. whichever it is, you can only control yourself and you can improve yourself.. If he would compare you now to the old you, would he say you really changed? would he regret not being with you?

    • Jadyn - 0

      Jadyn

      I know they talked before the break up as they just started working together in the last few months. I don’t know how much they have talked but I do know they did. I might be naive to think that he didn’t think she was better until after we broke up. I believe she probably just swooped in and was there for him when the breakup happened. I think by the end of my NC I will have really changed. At this point I am still in the process of working on my communication skills, time management of self paced school and working full time. I feel like I am different compared to then but I don’t know if he will see the change quite yet. It is a work in progress. I need to lift myself up some more, I am still having difficulties getting out of bed on weekends and finding a purpose to fill my whole day. Weekdays seem to be much much better. In either case would you say I have a chance if I keep making positive changes in myself? Be brutally honest. I don’t want false hope, I want to move forward. Thanks for your time 🙂

    • Jadyn - 0

      Jadyn

      From what I’ve seen of her is that she kind of reminds me of me afew years ago. Only Difference being is more mechanical than I am, they are both mechanics… she is apprenticing with or on the same crew as my journeyperson ex. I don’t know what to think.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      you need to keep improving even after nc, and being active in posting.. if you could do that while slowly building rapport, you have a chance.. if you can go back to being an ungettable girl, yep, there’s a chance..

    • Jadyn - 0

      Jadyn

      So finish NC, then build rapport while still improving what needs to be improved. I could see her telling him to block me and stop letting me see my dog from jealousy. If she is the one helping him void the pain of our break-up I am scared he will listen. Doesn’t seem likely with how supportive he has been with letting me see our dog and even offering to let me have him for a whole weekend if I want. But I feel like she might have some secret power being the person who is voiding the pain and getting him past our relationship. Maybe I am overthinking this. I just don’t know this girl at all, and my ex bragged to my best friend how she is so perfect and gets him so well. How do I deal with her being in the picture?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yeah, you’re over thinking.. if she is forbidding him to do things, then in the long run it will hurt her, because you’re not doing anything bad.. You’re just being a good pet parent, and to be frank, being a civil ex.. so, dont worry much about her.

    • Jadyn - 0

      Jadyn

      Sorry. I am a huge overthinker, it is something I have always done. So I just realized my 30 days no contact will end on what would have been our official 2 year anniversary. Should I extend NC for afew extra days or use is this a good thing? At first I thought it was fate. But maybe it’ll push him away more because of the significance of the date.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yup, extend it a few more days.

  16. Jadyn - 0

    Jadyn

    Day 15 on my second attempt at no contact. I was on about day 20 when he told me he has been seeing somebody else. I replied (DANG). He told me how he is not in a relationship with her but just seeing where it goes. 2 nights ago my friend (our mutual friend) tells me that he is introducing her to all of them that night (i didn’t ask for this information, she just wanted me to know that she is in town and I could possible bump into them… our town has a population of 1600 people, so its very easy to do). And guess what, we ended up at the same May long weekend party. She was all over him, he was all over her, they danced (he hates dancing and would only danced with me when I begged). She stole his hat several times like I use to do to him… and when he wasnt paying attention I noticed she was flirting with acouple other guys. So now that I know who this girl is I realized she works with him (surprise surprise) and they had been snapchatting each other for awhile (i trusted him and thought nothing of it when he was). My ex was bragging to my friends about how she gets him and how they are so awesome together… My first thought is total grass is greener rebound relationship. Heck my ex and I have been best friends for 5 years, dated unofficially for 3 of those and dated officially for 2. We lived together for a year, were about to buy a house together (we looked at a house less than 2 weeks before the break up) and had so many other plans. Is this a rebound? Do we still have a chance (if i decide I want him back after nc)? Do you have any tips on how to deal with this girl if I end up seeing her?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      if they talked before the break up, and he found her better and broke up with you, she’s a grass is greener. If he just dated and paid attention to her after the break up, even if he found her better now but not when he was with you, it’s more likely a rebound.. whichever it is, you can only control yourself and you can improve yourself.. If he would compare you now to the old you, would he say you really changed? would he regret not being with you?

  17. Saree - 0

    Saree

    My ex and I broke up in January. He moved acroas the country very suddenly but we stayed in contact until a few weeks ago. In February, he told me he missed me and he knew he messed up and he cared too much about me so he wanted to be friends. I agreed but once I started moving on to someone new, he was really nosey about it. About a month ago in April I freaked out on him about minding his own business and that is when I initiated NC (so basically 3 1/2 months after our break up), and next week will be the 30 day mark. I wasnt sure if I should break it next week but then I learned that he is in a new relationship today. Is it a rebound since it’s only been 4 months, or could it possibly be that he really cares for this girl? I’m just not too sure what to think. I’m not TOO torn up about it, I mean if it’s time to move on then it’s time to move on but it would be nice to be sure…

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      More likely it”s a rebound..

  18. Unblocked - 0

    Unblocked

    My ex blocked me for 3 months long story, so I blocked him on everything as well. Now he’s reaching out to me on the free app numbers calling and texting me. Telling me that the girl was a rebound because he thought I was cheating on him because I never had time for him and so he wanted to move on. He said he always compared her to me and realized he was trying to rush things with her. I haven’t texted him back or called because I don’t know his intentions I was so hurt 3 months ago even up until 2 weeks ago. I’m scared to let him back in to get hurt. Do you think we can ever be friends? How can we start slow to build trust and how can I know if he’s back for the right reasons?
    Thanks

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      If he’s still with the other girl, then he’s not serious

  19. Do you move on? - 0

    Do you move on?

    Hello,
    I wanted to know how long should the rebound relationship pat before you fully cut ties and move on? I understand you should be in NC and working on yourself but I guess I wanted to know when’s a good time to finally just say enough is enough.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      There’s no concrete timeline..if it’s really just a rebound, it wouldn’t last long

  20. Carike Van Zyl - 0

    Carike Van Zyl

    My ex and i were together for a year and a half. He broke up with me and a week later he was with someone else. He told me he didn’t cheat but friends at his college says him and his new gf spent alot of time together on campus. Is this a rebound or does he just not care about me anymore? He lost his virginity to me and we have been through so much together. How did he move on so quickly?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Could be a grass is greener case

  21. Donna - 0

    Donna

    So, my ex boyfriend an I was dating for 5 months. I inititated the break up due to insecurities and gut feelings. We reconnected, a month ago and he expressed that he still loved me. I expressed the same thing. One week later, I start seeing the same pattern that made me break up the first time. I now see him on social media with a girl who, I knew like him from his job. How could say he loves me sooo much and that I’m good for him, but yet going out on dates with this other woman?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      do you mean you dont trust him and you want to move on?

  22. Emma - 0

    Emma

    My ex and I were together for two years and always said that we were each other’s soulmates. We did long distance for about a year (me in America, him in australia), and he came home to visit for a few weeks. During that visit, we made plans for me to go there, talked about marriage, etc. He ended up breaking up with me a week after that visit ended, because he didn’t feel that me moving there was right for me at this point. He started dating a new girl within a couple of days. It sounds like it was cheating, but I know for sure that it wasn’t. He was suicidal when we split, went to a bar, and just went for the first girl he found. We’ve talked on and off since this happened (December 2015/January 2016), and he has always told me that she’s companionship because he knew he lost the lvoe of his life. They’ve been together for 1 year and 2-3 months now. Sometimes he tells me he doesn’t love her, other times he tells me that he does but it’s different, that the two can’t be compared. I always thought it was a rebound. To be honest, the girl is a serious downgrade and he’s voiced his concerns over her to me from the beginning. At one point, we decided to plan our future together again. And I guess he felt guilty that he was essentially cheating on her emotionally, and he pulled back. I cut contact at that point. Now he’s texting me constantly. Panicking over whether I’m okay, if I’m safe and healthy. He says he is so sorry and he wishes he could turn back time, etc ,etc. I don’t want to answer because I don’t want him to feel like he can pull this crap and then still have me by his side. I don’t know what to do. Is she a rebound? If so, why is he still with her? Why would he be contacting me so obsessively?

    Reply
  23. Lisa - 0

    Lisa

    I broke up with my ex 7 weeks ago then wanted to try again a few weeks later he said no he just wanted to be single. So 2 weeks later i contacted him to return his stuff did that said my good byes and left then the next day he called me just for a chat. The following week i sent him a message suggesting that maybe we can be friends, he was working at the time and misread and thought i said i wanted to get back together, he replied and said no interested getting back with you.. so i deleted his number texts everything and decided not to initiate anything with him, then the following week he text me asking how i was i waited a while then politely answered that i was fine etc he replied instantly and i just left it after that. Then this week he calls i asked him why are you calling me? Did you have a rebound go sour? Anyway turns out he started seeing someone 2 weeks after we broke up it only lasted a few weeks and she dumped him. Now his calling me. Why i’m so confused?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Lisa,

      to be honest, it’s probably because he knows you’re just there..

  24. Emma - 0

    Emma

    Me and my ex fiancé have been together for 3 years, and have a 6 month old baby. We were happy really happy until we had our baby, because I work, go to university and look after our baby I invested no time in him but he didn’t try to invest any in me either. Anyway we had been arguing and he told me he needed space he needed a break from us, he ensured me it wasn’t about girls his words were “why would i leave one relationship to get in another i won’t do that!” anyway… he left on 17th March in the evening to go on a night out, he didn’t return and cut all contact with me AND his son for 4 days straight. Then got back into contact to tell me he was at his mums and wasn’t coming home YET however he had all intentions on doing so. Meanwhile i see that he has a new “friend” that he met a week before the Friday evening that he had left. So i asked who she was he said just a friend… now today he’s set his facebook profile to in a relationship with her?! Is that a rebound and do you think it will last?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Emma,

      if he met he met her before breaking up with, she can be a grass is greener case.

  25. Holly - 0

    Holly

    My bf met someone a few days before breaking up with me. After we broke up he msged her the next day. Less than 2 months later they’re an item, albeit a long-distance once. We were together 4 years and he said after he broke up with me that he had been unhappy for awhile and been wanting to break up but didn’t want to hurt me. Is his new gf a rebound or could this be GIGS? Do I still have a chance to get him back?

    Reply
  26. Lauren - 0

    Lauren

    Long story short me and my ex dated from 08-2014 and even when we broke up for 2 years we kept in contact. Since last March we have been trying to work on the relationship but having a lot of ups and downs he says I’m too busy for him and feels like I’m distant. In November I went on a 3month NC and slept with another guy several times when me and my ex spoke again in Dec he said he was hurt and couldn’t imagine I did anything like that. I didn’t think it mattered bc we were broken up. I initiated the NC. So to fast forward something came up on valentines this year and I ended up hanging out w my friends he got so upset bc he had plans bc I didn’t know he never said anything and mentioned that he didn’t bc it was a surprise. Then these past few months feb- till last week I’ve been outta town on spring break or out of town with family or busy with school. We barely talk on the phone bc I have limited service at my apt. And we only live 30 minutes away from eachother. I made a huge mistake taking him for granted and being lazy not seeing him. He doesn’t have a car so I always drive to him. He got in an argument w his last roommate over money and once the lease was up end of feb he ended up moving in with a couple of other friends But they are moving in a couple of months too. He mentioned he was stressed bc he didn’t know where he would live etc and I told him us living together right now would not be good. So with that backstory my current issue is from I haven’t seen him much in the past month and we’ve only been in the talking phase. 2 weeks ago I found out on fb that he that his status says in relationship I called him that night no stop he said he can’t trust me and he’s cares about me but I’m too busy for him. Even more info I found out is that he tells this new girl he loves her and wants to be with her forever and he told her he wants to move in with her. I called his phone constantly and texted for a few days while being Ijnored he told me to leave him and his gf alone and has blocked me on everything. I’m currently in 1 week NC. I feel horrible Bc I took him for granted. Everyone says he’s in a rebound and only wants to move in with her bc his emotions are all over the place. How could he block me out?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lauren,
      you didn’t take him for granted because you’re not in a relationship. You’re investing too much compared to him. If he says he wants you too, he should have given the same effort. For me, I think you should either move on or if you want to try again, do not give more than what he’s showing or giving too. It was just 30 minutes away, can’t he ride a bus or take a taxi?

    • Lauren - 0

      Lauren

      I really want to take time and work it out but I’m not sure if it classifies as a rebound or gigs? Which one do you think I should follow? He’s also telling her he loves her and wants to live with her why is he moving so fast?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Take it as gigs..it’s probably because they’re in a honeymoon period

  27. Jo - 0

    Jo

    My BF of 2 years broke up with me jan 1st. He continued living with me a month and a half then I went abroad for a month and initiated no contact. When I came back we spent most of the week together as friends and then slept together.
    Then a week later he told me he had been seeing a mutual friend since I’ve been away and She wanted him to tell me about him.
    He says I’m his best friend and he won’t continue seeing her if he’ll loose me as a friend.
    I asked him to tell her about us so that I’m not complicit in lying to my friend. He said he can’t face her atm.
    Is this rebound? GIG? Shall I initiate no contact again? I read a shorter 2 weeks NC is useful when they rebound? Should I tell her what happened if he doesn’t or avoid meddling.
    I see her regularly as she’s in my band and volunteers at the same place as me.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jo,

      I think you three need to talk.. or you talk to her separately and him to her separately..and are you going to move out?

    • Jo - 0

      Jo

      Hi, thanks for your reply. He moved out when they started seeing each other. But he’s back staying at mine for a few days or because he couldn’t stay at his current accommodation.
      He hasn’t told her and is avoiding her atm but maybe will start seeing her again I’m not sure.
      I see her a lot right now but haven’t said anything. She has autism and I’m worried about putting her under stress.
      But I guess if he hasn’t told her by next week I might tell her then? Was just worried it would be meddling.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      talk to your ex first about it, so it doesn’t seem like you’re going behind his back.

    • Jo - 0

      Jo

      I spoke to them both and they Spoke to each other. I think they will continue their relationship. He wants to remain ‘best friends’ with me but I said I couldn’t be friends while they were involved.
      Should I initiate no contact? How long for?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yes, you’re being friendzoned.. do at least 30 days.

  28. Lucy - 0

    Lucy

    Hi, thank you for this insight. I dated my ex for six months (after getting to know each other for three months), and then I broke up with him exactly two months ago because, even though I felt I loved him, I didn’t feel like *in love* with him. Looking back, our relationship was really unbalanced, with me putting all the energy into it. He didn’t quite know how to be a boyfriend because it was his first serious relationship, and also he has a very passive personality.
    After our breakup we kept hooking up, with me convinced that it was not a good idea to be a couple again. A few days ago when we hooked up he told me a girl he used to hook up with from high school (he is 26 now, and back then they kind of had a non official relationship for seven months but never became a couple) had got in touch with him. Long story short, she asked for an opportunity with him and he agreed to that. Five days ago he told me that he didn’t believe they had much in common, he didn’t think she is too smart and that maybe they don’t share a sense of humor. And that if I asked to come back and be a couple again, he would not think about it and be with me. But these days apparently he decided that he wants to go for something new, because he kind of felt some things for her and he doesn’t wanna be rejected twice. He is choosing the new thing over me, even though I was offering to try and work things out and see if it would lead to a more balanced relationship. What should I make of this? Regardless of getting him back –at this point I think I need to consider him dead. Is this really happening for him, that he is suddenly into this girl in five days (he said she listens to him and tells her about his problems and she tries to cheer him up, and that he digs what she does for a living helping kids) even though he still loves me and told me so two days ago? Is this a rebound and he is forcing his feelings for her? He told me a few days ago that he wanted to be with someone who wants to be with him, and that he wants to make plans with someone for the future…

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi lucy,

      it’s a grass is greener case.. He’s trying to see in which one of you will be benefit him more.
      Check this link:
      The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends

    • Lucy - 0

      Lucy

      I have been reading about it and it doesn’t really ring a bell… as applicable to this scenario, I guess. I find it hard to believe that someone he said he finds boring (“but she may change, I’ll give it time”), not contributing anything special in their conversation, and not sharing a sense of humor, although she may be cheerful and a very good listener, is not a rebound. Or am I just fooling myself into reassurance by telling myself she surely is a rebound and it will not work?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      more likely he’s just telling you what you wanted to hear.. because if he really didn’t find anything interesting with her, he wouldn’t consider her as competition with you.

  29. Ruby - 0

    Ruby

    I found out my ex met his new gf a few months before he broke up with me and texted her the day after we broke up. They were officially together after less than 2 months of us being apart and he is already introducing her to our friends as ‘the one’. We were together for 4 years. Could this still be considered a rebound?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Ruby,

      nope it’s a grass is greener case: Check this one:
      The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends

    • Lucy - 0

      Lucy

      I have been reading about it and it doesn’t really ring a bell… as applicable to this scenario, I guess. I find it hard to believe that someone he said he finds boring (“but she may change, I’ll give it time”), not contributing anything special in their conversation, and not sharing a sense of humor, although she may be cheerful and a very good listener, is not a rebound. Or am I just fooling myself into reassurance by telling myself she surely is a rebound and it will not work?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      more likely he’s just telling you what you wanted to hear.. because if he really didn’t find anything interesting with her, he wouldn’t consider her as competition with you.

  30. Alexis - 0

    Alexis

    Helpful article! I need help assessing my current situation though. My ex broke up with me in person this year on January 31st, 2017. This is the second time he broke up with me. My ex broke up with me right as we already planned a date that following Thursday, and we were looking to our 1 year anniversary, which would have been this year on March 22, 2017. His exact words were: “I think our strength lies in us being friends. I knew you were not thinking long term.” To which I replied that I was thinking long term, and so we ended up agreeing to be friends.

    The thing is, It has now been a month( 1 month and 26 days to be exact ) and I found out my ex is in a new relationship with someone else. I cannot really tell how long they have been dating. However the way I found out was when my best friend and I were walking and we saw my ex and his new girlfriend kissing, and cuddling, basically PDA. My ex and I go to the same college, and we tend to go to the same hangout in addition to having a lot of mutual friends. The new girl my ex is with shares a class with him, and they seem to share a similarity, which is they’re really fond of meat. The new girl seems almost different to me. The only similarities we share are the fact that we wear glasses, have brown eyes, and have curly hair.(though her’s is brown while mine is black) My ex did not tell me about his new relationship let alone introduce me to her. I do know that my ex’s friend was surprised that he already found someone.

    The first time my ex and I broke up, my ex ended things via text message citing that we had gotten too busy for a relationship. My ex got into a rebound 3 days later with someone who was similar to me, in terms of ethnicity since the rebound at that time was Asian, just like me. Then we got back together a month later. In the beginning of the second break up it was like my ex wasn’t really bothered. He was friendly toward me and he even gave me a hug. But then I noticed him getting on Facebook a lot more often. Strangely his Facebook profile hasn’t changed, other than the fact that he’s made new friends and people post on his wall. Also anytime I would sit next to my ex he would cringe at my presence. Plus anytime I would be having a good time with my guy friends my ex stared at me. Could this mean anything? Whether it was sadness/guilt, jealousy or anger I am not sure, but it was probably all of the above.

    I have done no-contact(30 days) and have kept communication to a minimum. My ex and I used Skype a lot and the last time we talked we were talking about movies. Also I have kept my self busy doing other things. Is it worth trying to get an ex back even if he dumped you more than once? Prior to dating me, my ex’s longest relationship he had was 3 months. I am not his first girlfriend, as my ex had multiple girlfriends before me.

    In terms of the relationship, it was actually really nice, stable. We talked all the time and would often hang out at his place. He’s met my mom and sister, and I met his mom and brother. We hardly fought and he would say he hoped his future included me in it. I would often bring him gifts anytime I traveled anywhere. He brought me gifts too. We would also play games together. My ex and I were also opposites, yet it was enough to where we had a balance of similarities and differences. He’s a Virgo, I am a Pisces. He hated spicy food while I loved it. He tended to be a tad more rational and spontaneous while I was a tad impulsive, but reserved. We both loved books, science, and video games.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Alexis,

      that will depend in your standards..if you feel that you can’t give him a chance anymore, move on..

    • Alexis - 0

      Alexis

      Thanks for the feedback, but if you were in my position, what would you suggest? My ex unfortunately was my first relationship, which means I am in-experienced.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      restart the no contact rule.. do it properly. no initiating, no replying, no social media stalking. Just focus in healing and improving yourself and then slowly build rapport after.. If it doesn’t work out, at least you did the no contact rule properly, you had time for yourself, and you did your best. check this one:
      EBR 060: “Dating Yourself” During No Contact With Veronica Grant

    • Alexis - 0

      Alexis

      Thanks for the feedback, but if you were in my position, what would you suggest? My ex unfortunately was my first relationship, which means I am in-experienced.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      restart the no contact rule.. do it properly. no initiating, no replying, no social media stalking. Just focus in healing and improving yourself and then slowly build rapport after.. If it doesn’t work out, at least you did the no contact rule properly, you had time for yourself, and you did your best. check this one:
      EBR 060: “Dating Yourself” During No Contact With Veronica Grant

  31. Alexa - 0

    Alexa

    Very helpful article! However, my situation is a tad confusing. My boyfriend recently broke up with me back on January 31st of this year. This was our second time dating. We dated the first time for 8 months, broke up due to our own busy schedules, got back together a month later (march 22, 2016). The first time we broke up my ex got into a rebound 3 days later, but the rebound relationship failed. So from there we dated until January 31st, right before we scheduled a date that following Thursday, and also before we got to celebrate our 1 year anniversary of this year.(March 22, 2017). We dated for 10 months this time The reason he called it off, in his exact words was: “I think our strength lies in us being friends.” Now it is a month(1 month and 27 days), and I found out he’s in a new relationship with someone else. My ex did not tell me about that. Instead my friend and I were walking and we saw them cuddling and kissing. They looked so happy together. The new girl shares a class with my ex as well. I also saw one of my ex’s friends(My ex and I also have a lot of mutual friends) seem kind of surprised that he has a new girl now. I have done no contact(for 30 days) and since then I kept communication to a minimum.. However not only is he in a new relationship, he’s also on facebook a lot more than usual. Plus anytime I was around him, my ex acted like he didn’t want me around, and I caught him staring at me a few times, specially when I was with my own guy friends having fun. I couldn’t tell whether it was jealousy, sadness or anger, possibly a combination of them all. Could this mean anything? Also is it worth it to try to get an ex back who has dumped you more than once? I am not his first relationship. He’s had multiple girlfriends before me.

    Reply
  32. Jessica - 0

    Jessica

    y ex boyfriend and I were in a relationship for 8 months and everything was going great. I find out that he has been
    cheating on me with someone that he says he has feelings for. He told me he wanted me to leave as he thinks he sees
    something with her so I did. They met back in Sept and a few days ago they officially started dating. In that time I
    have done the no contact for the full 30 days. When I started the text messaging phase with my ex he was still listed
    as single. He went away with her for a week and in that time I never heard from him. When he got back he sent me a
    message and told me he went away with a friend which turned out to be her. I tried to add him back as a friend on FB
    and when he saw my request that was the time he put that he was in a relationship and changed his profile pic a few hrs
    later. We have been chatting for about a week now every day and he is the one who initiates the first message. He asks
    me for pics and he send me pics of him too. The other day I asked him if he misses our big long hugs we used to give.
    To which he replied that I never wanted to let go and then he said seems like you miss them too. Also, on the same day
    I said maybe one day you will get to see the new me and he replied with hope so. Everyday when I dont contact him he
    constantly checks to see if I messaged him. Does this mean he is missing me? And is there relationship a rebound since
    he basically jumped right into a relationship with her but never made it FB official until the other day?

    Reply
  33. Kati - 0

    Kati

    Hi there!
    Me and my ex had serious relationship for 3 years (both of us have kids), but he broke up with me nearly 2 months ago, he said he was not happy and it was too much for him (kids, responsibilities and he felt different after 3 years). And I was really feeling bad the last 6 months, became needy, clingy and desperate. He felt it too. But we were madly in love, and we fit like a clock, amd emotionally and physically our relationship were going alwyways up words, we were surprised. We were both married, we are 38. And wanted to be together forever. But he got tired. Said it was no fun anymore. So after the breakup (he simply announced it), I stayed in no contact with him. Never called. Never texted. He was asking about me. Then he texted about my staff ( I had half of the house there). After 6 weeks we met. I was trying to rebuild the connection. We texted few times. And now he is saying that he met someone now.. She is young. And he wants to try and se if it works out. He said to a mutual friend of ours. I was hoping we would be able to get back together. But he said he doesn’t believe in second chance and it’s over. He is very proud and stubborn. He said we should enjoy life and meet other people.
    He is about to start dating someone. He couldn’t before. We loved each other. Is he in a rebound relationship ? And what do I do now? No contact I did. And exactly when it was over..he wants to date someone new….I am actually devastated.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hi kati,
      how long did you do no contact, how much did you improve, and did you slowly build rapport after?

    • Kati - 0

      Kati

      Hi Amor! Well, the no contact was from my side not broken…after 3 weeks of it he showed up at my door to return half of my things. I just took them (otherwise he would have left it on the porch ). He wasn’t sober then. 🙂 I asked him to give the rest f my things to a friend of mine as I wasn’t ready to face my ex again. I had been doing great. Improving myself and showing that I have moved on. I never contacted him by myself, even on his birthday. Then another 2 weeks passed and he sent me text with happy women day. Wished me all the best and that I looked amazing on the whatsapp foto. So by then it’s been 5 weeks after break up and no contact from my side. So I thought to use this opportunity and start building some rapport. He showed only positive feedback. Replied straight away. Joked..flirted a bit ( even at that point he was overseas). He said he will call me when he is back. To return the rest of the things. I said he can give my things to a friend and we can meet for coffee and chat. He was trying to postpone the return of my stuff. Till week later I asked him if he was back..and we had a nice chat. Next day he came over to bring my stuff. So we saw us first time after 7 weeks. Was a amazing.. I looked well..he noticed it. Next day we met at our friends birthday party and it felt like being home with him. Friend of ours noticed it as well. ThT we have a strong connection and attracted to each other. As much as I wanted to be neutral.. Of course we flirted a bit…laughed..as it felt natural. Bu then all of a sudden 2 days later he changed…became kind of angr..said to me I have to realise it’s over and we will not be back together anymore.and that he is seeing someone else. Very unexpected. This mutual friend f ours wants us to get back…well even his family wants. Everyone thinks it’s insane. So this friend asked him how things are…and my ex said that he met someone…she is nice…young…and he wants to see what will happen. So it’s totally something new. As even he was hiding it from a friend. No one knows who she is or what nationality etc. My ex all of a sudden said to a friend that he doesn’t want to do anything with me( even few days earlier he was saying the opposite). I was hoping to build th connection again…but now all,of a sudden he acts like a crazy person. I don’t want to show him I am desperate.. What shall I do? I a, trying to improve my life…I a, busy with my kid..my work..friends…but I am afraid more time passes by….the me less chance we have. He is stubborn. And doesn’t change his mind. It’s almost like he is trying to prove me he moved on…but I know it’s been hard on him…3 years with me and our 2 kids….blended relationship….plans for the future..financial problems….etc…please advise…thanks!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      what did you reply to that?

    • Kati - 0

      Kati

      What did I reply to what? I really don’t know if I can contact him or just make again a no contact? He never told me directly he won’t talk to me anymore. Everything only to a friend of ours. There are few thing left atmhismplacebstill and he will return them whenever there is time..his words.. Oh, and he didn’t wanto tell his mom it’s over.. Weird ,no? I told him I don’t want to pretend in front of her that we are ok…

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      what did you reply when he told you that you have to realize it’s over and that you’re not going back together?

    • Kati - 0

      Kati

      I haven’t said much to him…it’s been all through messages..:) but whenever he was mentioning it again, I was just confirming to him that’s all is fine…I have my life and I am busy and happy. I have never mentioned since the break up the possibility to come back together nor did I asked him to talk to me or anything like it. He was the one to initiate conversations about returning my things. Which is still by the way not finalised. :)) he had been bringing my stuff 3 times already…and still has few things there.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      that’s very good. It looks like he’s getting cinvinced5 slowly that youre3 not chasing and he’s getting more interested

  34. Allie - 0

    Allie

    What if he was seeing the other woman and you for three months and lying to you both the whole time!? We dated 1.5 years and her 3 months at the point I found out. He got caught! He blocked me from all contact with a crappy “im sorry, im young, i messed up. In the back of my head i knew I didn’t want to be with you.” Then apologized to her too and asked for another chance with her? They work together! I NEVER saw this coming, never thought he was capable of being so cruel! Its been 5 weeks of them with out me in their lives. He literally replaced me before I was gone, took all of our adventures/ideas/memories and recreated them with her?? I made his mom a xmas gift on xmas eve for him, xmas morning he dropped it off on her doorstep! He didnt even get me anything . He saw me almost everyday while still seeing her too. We had a great relationship. I dont know if he misses me, regrets his horrible actions and lies, regrets anything? I am not reaching out anymore. Ive always reached out in tough times, always been the one to make him happy and be a great od girlfriend. Its his turn to grow up and reach out, but im afraid he wants her and i was then the “other woman” in the end! She met his family amd hers within weeks! Rushed everything with her. Spent nye with her bit new years day with me. Took hwr on trips i asked to do. Is this a rebound?

    Reply

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