There’s a “rebound relationship” checklist that I use for every client that comes to me when another person is in the picture with their ex.

And today I’d like to share it with you.

You’ll find that the 6 signs that I talk about in this article are different than what some of my peers are telling you.

This is by design because I want you to understand the reality of the situation you’ve found yourself in and I’m not interested in lying to you to make you feel better.

So, with that in mind let’s begin!

6 Signs That Your Ex Is In A Rebound Relationship

Below I have compiled the checklist that I use for my personal coaching clients who ask me if their ex is in a rebound relationship,

  1. How quickly did it take for your ex to move on?
  2. How long your ex has been dating that new person for?
  3. Does your ex have a history of jumping from relationship to relationship after a breakup?
  4. Is your ex exhibiting a bit of the grass is greener syndrome?
  5. Have you considered the differences between stability and excitement?
  6. Is your ex showing off the new person to you to rub it in your face?

Now, if you are familiar with my work on Ex Boyfriend Recovery then you’d know that I am really big on giving you in-depth reasoning.

So, what I’d like to do is take a few minutes and expand on what each of these signs actually means.

1. How Quickly Did It Take For Your Ex To Move On?

In case you were wondering Psychology Today has gone on the record and defined a rebound relationship as,

A person getting into a relationship shortly after their previous one ends.

I’ve actually found that reality is a little more sinister than that when dealing with exes.

In fact, what no one usually tells you about an ex “going on the rebound” is that they typically meet that rebound when they are still in a relationship with you.

Basically they start forming some type of emotional or physical bond with them while they are still committed to you.

This introduction of a third party into your relationship can sometimes be enough to cause the breakup itself,

This leaves your ex pretty happy initially with the new person and you pretty devastated, searching the internet for answers.

Sound familiar?

Here’s my point.

We are here to look for the signs that an ex is on the rebound and one of the most important things to take a look at is how fast it took for them to move on to the new person.

As a general rule of thumb the quicker they move on the more likely it is to be “a rebound.”

That’s what all of my peers are going to tell you and I will agree with them on that.

But what about that situation I discussed above?

What about if your ex meets this new person while they are with you?

Is it a rebound then?

Well, that’s why we don’t hang our hats only on one sign.

2. How Long Has Your Ex Been Dating The New Person For?

About a month ago I filmed a really interesting video on YouTube that tackled one of the most asked questions I get by clients,

“How long does the average rebound last for?”

I answer that question in the video and write up below,

Now, the interesting thing I found when I went to Google and started searching for the answer was that no one really had any data on how long rebounds lasted for.

People had guesses…

And a few of my peers who I won’t name were quoting ridiculous things like,

“60% of rebounds last less than three months”

Never mind the fact that when I actually did a fact check on these statements I couldn’t find any proof to back them up.

So, seeing as how there wasn’t any research that I trusted I decided that I would create the research for myself.

So, I went out and did the following things.

  1. Looked at my own internal notes on how long it took for a rebound relationship to end
  2. I went to every forum I could think of and compiled the data from what people said
  3. I went to every answer website that had written an article on the topic and scanned the comments to see if I could learn anything there.

The whole process took me a good 3 hours.

Now, my goal with all of this was to create a benchmark for my clients who were wondering at what point a “rebound” turned into a “real” relationship.

I wanted to put a timeline on it. I wanted to be able to point to something and say,

“You can expect the average rebound to last (x) amount of months.”

Turns out that when you compile all of the research together you get the following number,

5.2 months

Now, does this mean that your ex and his new person is going to break up at exactly 5.2 months?

No.

However, it gives us a benchmark to grade sign #2 on.

Generally speaking if your exes “rebound” has lasted longer than 5.2 months that is starting to get into more serious territory.

3. Does Your Ex Have A History Of Jumping From Relationship To Relationship After The Breakup

This is an often overlooked factor when it comes to determining if your ex is in a rebound relationship or not.

By simply looking at your exes past you might be able to determine if them jumping into a rebound is common or not.

It’s not exactly rocket science…

But let me throw some fascinating knowledge your way.

Do you think getting into a rebound relationship is healthy?

Think carefully before you answer.

Most of your friends and family will tell you that it’s not. They’ll sit there and say that it simply distracts a person from dealing with the necessary emotions that they need to deal with to move on from the heartbreak.

Well, recent research as early as 2014 suggests that actually getting into a rebound relationship can help your ex get over you and start to feel more confident.

This flies in the face of everything you’ve been told growing up.

Basically getting into a rebound relationship can be one of the best ways to get over a breakup.

Now, you may be sitting here and wondering,

“Why the heck are you telling me this?”

I’m telling you because love, breakups, lust, heartbreak, anger, sadness, depression… they are all nothing more than emotions created as a result of chemicals being released or regulated by your brain.

Well, that’s the scientific way of looking at it.

But I think it’s important to consider the scientific view for a moment.

If your ex is heartbroken as a result of a break up with you wouldn’t it make sense for the brain to protect itself by finding someone as soon as possible so that it can release the right chemicals to help you get over your heartbreak sooner?

Now, I don’t want to get into a philosophical discussion on fate or free will here but to me it makes sense that your ex may not even be aware of the reason they are dating a new person. They just simply feel that it’s what they have to do.

I’ve talked to a lot of men and women going through breakups and the one common thing that I hear from them when I ask them why they jumped into a relationship so quickly is,

“I don’t know…”

I used to think that they just didn’t want to tell me so they were just giving me a lame excuse.

But the more I sat on it and considered I began to believe that they probably have no reasoning for why they are wanting to go to the new person. They just know they have to do it. Well, it could be that their sense of self doesn’t know why they need to do it but their brain does.

So, like an unseen force working behind the scenes it draws them into another relationship.

Why?

So that it can give the body the chemicals it needs to get over a breakup sooner.

4. Is Your Ex Exhibiting The Grass Is Greener Syndrome

The grass is greener syndrome is one of those buzzwords that everyone always talks about but I honestly don’t think anyone understands the dynamics of it.

When you think of the grass is greener syndrome you probably start thinking about an ex who thinks they can do better than you, right?

But what if I told you that we are always looking to find a bigger better deal in our relationships.

The interdependence theory posits that we commit to each other based on costs and rewards.

In other words, we are always looking to get rid of people who cost us things and find the people who reward us the most.

Now, here is the wild part.

When researchers started trying to understand how interdependence played into relationships they learned that three huge factors come into play.

  • Satisfaction: how satisfied we are with the relationship in question.
  • Alternatives: Is there another person out there who can satisfy us more than the person we are with?
  • Investment: how much have we invested into the relationship?

Now, I don’t know about you but “Alternatives” sounds a lot like the grass is greener syndrome to me.

One consistent theme I see with exes who move on to someone new is they have this unshakeable belief that they can do better than you.

However, a rebound really isn’t a rebound until that new relationship ends is it?

How The Honeymoon Period Plays A Role Into GIGS

Now, what do we know about new relationships?

Well, we know that every new relationship will go through this period of time where the world looks a little like this to them,

Basically, we view our relationship through rose colored glasses and believe our partner can do no wrong.

So, lets swing around to your ex and their new rebound.

When they are really determining if they made the right choice in breaking up with you (assuming they did break up with you) they are going to be comparing how they feel with the new person to how they felt with you.

And it’s obviously going to be better.

Why?

Well, the new person has an unfair advantage.

Your ex is looking and comparing based on how they feel during the honeymoon period so it makes sense that your relationship won’t compare.

But the one constant in this world is change…

And that even applies to how we feel in relationships.

So, often what I see happening is that when the honeymoon period ends your ex does this internal calculation in their head and that’s when the true grass is greener syndrome comes into play.

That’s when they’ll really sit there and ask themselves,

“Is the person I’m with really better than (insert your name?)”

5. Consider The Difference Between Stability And Excitement

A few weeks ago I was reading an article on “The Atlantic” that Esther Perel wrote.

Now, if you don’t know who Esther Perel is then you need to stop everything you are doing right now and check out her website and watch this video,

In my opinion, the woman is a savant when it comes to understanding infidelity.

Now, let’s be honest.

Infidelity is a really dark topic and you may be sitting around and wondering why the heck I am talking about it when this article is about rebound relationships. Well, in my view there are a lot of similarities between someone who is having an affair and someone who is jumping into a rebound relationship.

After all, most of the rebound relationships I encounter are actually beginning while your partner is still with you.

But we are getting off topic here.

One of the most fascinating findings that Esther Perel has been championing is that one of the underlying causes of why we cheat on our partners is due to the fact that there isn’t enough excitement in their relationship.

They can love each other deeply but contrary to popular belief love doesn’t conquer all.

Within every man lies a need for excitement and stability.

Now, after working one on one with clients for half a decade I’ve come up with something to fully describe this need for excitement and stability

Stability is the opposite of excitement…

And excitement is the opposite of stability…

And yet we need both to feel fully satisfied in a relationship which will then help in preventing us looking elsewhere.

So, ideally we are always trying to bring this perfect balance of stability and excitement to our relationships but something tells me that when you look back on your time with your ex this might have been problematic.

For example, you might have been a little too stable and not exciting enough,

This isn’t good because what happens then?

Well, that’s where your ex will take a step back and start looking for an alternative that can bring more excitement into their life.

Of course, the reverse is also true if you are too exciting/unstable in a relationship,

You see, I have this really interesting hypothesis that in general people veer a little more in one direction than the other. Take me for example. I am not overly attracted to someone who always wants to go on adventures and is extremely outgoing.

However, there are times in my marriage where I want my wife to be that way.

I want her to be spontaneous and exciting.

But at my core I always value stability a little more.

So, the reality is that I think we are always trying to achieve a perfect balance of excitement and stability but the fact is that we always prefer one a little over the other.

6. Is Your Ex Showing Their Rebound Off To You?

Our Private Facebook Group has special terminology for rebound relationships.

They call them,

OW’s = Other Women

The OW did this…

The OW did that…

You get the picture.

Well, one interesting thing I notice on there is that they become so obsessed with the other woman and what she’s doing that they completely forget to look at things from a broader perspective.

Last year I was working with a client and her ex boyfriend had gotten an “OW.”

Obviously, I gave her this checklist (excluding this particular sign) to look over and determine if her exes new woman was indeed a rebound relationship. She determined that the new girl was but she ended up throwing me off my game when she asked me a question that I was not expecting,

“Chris, he is literally asking for my advice on how to handle her in different situations”

Now, I’m not going to lie to you. I have heard of this happening a lot but what threw me off my game was the fact that I had an instant lightbulb moment,

You see, before when a client would ask me this question I’d just immediately assume they were being friend zoned but what if they weren’t.

What if the ex was literally asking them questions about the new girl to not only throw it in their face but to gauge their reaction to see if they were still interested.

Well, the only way for me to find out was to actually go to the clients that I had helped successfully win their exes back who had rebounds and ask them if their exes exhibited this behavior.

It turns out that half of my clients said that their exes did this exact thing and half of them said they hadn’t.

That’s pretty significant.

Significant enough to add to the list.

So, our list of five became a list of six and we have strong evidence to suggest that if your ex is throwing their new relationship in your face it is a sign that, that relationship is a rebound!

I Want To Talk To You For A Bit

I don’t know if you’ve noticed but we’ve been undergoing a lot of internal changes here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery.

What do I mean by that?

Well, I’ve determined that a lot of our old content is… well, old.

It’s outdated and my views have changed on it. So, rather than writing new content covering the same ground I am going back and updating it. Just like relationships the content on our website is a living breathing thing and it needs to change as the times change.

So, I am going to make a commitment to you.

Every year as I learn more about what works and what doesn’t work I am going to come back and update this content. In addition, I’ve made a personal commitment to do my best to respond to every comment that I get.

So, if you want to a quick take on your situation just ask me a question in the comments and I’ll try to get back to you within 24 hours!

Sometimes life gets in the way but usually I am pretty good about it.

Citations and Sources:

2,808 thoughts on “Signs Your Ex Is In A Rebound Relationship (The Definitive Guide)”

  1. Avatar

    Larissa

    February 15, 2020 at 1:39 pm

    Hello!
    (First: I’m from Brazil, so, I’m sorry for my bad english)

    Well, I started to dating him in 2009, then we broke up in 2012.. I was still in love with him and we kept seeing each other sometimes… but we stopped.. I had some dates so did he.
    Until 2014, that he came back to me and I accepted. And it was very great, but there was some issues like, not being openly clear about our relationship.
    And last year, 2019, things were becoming cold between us, and I didn’t realize it. I was not in a good place we’re more like friends… I tought it was just a phase – beacuse I was starting seeing him as my future.
    In december he broke up with me, saying there was no more chemestry between us, that he didn’t want to have a relationship with me even tough he loves me as a person.

    I was heartbroken – And started overthinking it all and working to be a better person but I still talked to him sometimes – and 3 weekes after we broke up I discovered he was on a date with a new girl – beautiful and compatible with him. He’s seeing her with frequency and started to go out with her and some friends that are mine too.
    I don’t think it’s a rebound – its been a month that they’re staying togheter – I’m at NO CONTACT, just a Happy Birthday message between that and..
    I don’t know if there’s enough clues for me to have certain that this is a rebound… dispite how quickly he did move on and that is new yet.. There’s anything I can do? After more than a month at no contac should I start talk something? To be present or should I wait for this relationship ends? (If it ends)

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 17, 2020 at 10:43 am

      Hey Larissa, you do not reach out for a Happy Birthday text during no contact you just don’t send one at all. You need to complete a 30 day no contact and then reach out following the being there method information, which you can find on this website too

  2. Avatar

    Ala

    February 15, 2020 at 2:23 am

    My ex and I have been together for about 2 years then he broke up with me on December 28 last year. I have begged and pleaded for 2 weeks then I go for no contact for a month. I heard that he seeing someone new on January 8 . They has been spending time with each other a lot. but I keep no contact till one month. I decided to texted him and he texted me back quickly with short answer sometimes. Then on February 14 they post picture on instagram says happy Valentine’s Day. I don’t know if she is a rebound or not because we were in a long distance relationship. He is a serial rebounder. This is so painful

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 17, 2020 at 10:11 am

      Hey Ala so as you said he is a serial rebounder so he is not able to be alone for long so chances are he is just filling the void from feeling alone. I suggest that you start following the being there method if you want to get your ex back, but you also need to do work to become the Ungettable girl so that he feels you are the best person for him and that no other girl is going to compare to you

  3. Avatar

    Kate

    February 10, 2020 at 12:58 pm

    I am at a loss.My partner of 15 years left me but we still live together. After just two weeks he went on a date with a new co-worker and after just 2 dates they announced that they are in a relationship. I feel like none of the techniques apply to me and I don’t know what to do. He says he still have feelings for me but i was too controlling and he doesn’t want to give us another chance. I’m in therapy now so I am changing rapidly but I have no idea what can be done to get him back 🙁

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 11, 2020 at 11:28 pm

      Hi Kate, it is difficult to show change when he is going to be focused on the more recent negatives. However you need to follow the rules of Limited No Contact, you need to avoid asking him any questions regarding the new woman. And I would also avoid conversation with him about what you are doing with your life, go out and come home late. If he asks where you have been “out with a friend” If you share children (as you have not stated) Make sure that you are in contact with him regarding them but other than that there is no need to converse unless its about the house and shared responsibilities.

  4. Avatar

    Hafsa

    January 30, 2020 at 8:35 pm

    Hey,
    I have broken up with my boyfriend of 2.5 years, about 3-4 months ago. In these months he has flirted with me but talked crap about me behind my back. When he found out a guy was interested in me, he told me to block him out my life.
    But then 2 weeks ago he told me he loved me and told me he’d like to get back with me. But now I have found out that he wants to get with this girl that he barely knows. He has been talking to her a lot and showed me his chats with her. She is also older than him. We are in the same group chat together as we have mutual friends. He purposely asks me what I think about this girl and him being together and brags about this girl all the time. He is really adamant about being in a relationship with her but then still wants to play with my feelings by telling me that he feels moments of nostalgia when he sees me.
    I have taken him off my snapchat and he texted me asking why. He has also told my friend that he still believes I’m in love with him.
    Our breakup didn’t end amicably either, I really do not know what to do. I feel as though just as I’m moving on, he does something or the other to try and make sure I’m not moving on

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 12, 2020 at 9:00 pm

      Hi Hafsa, if you are wanting to move on you need to No contact your ex regardless of what they do to upset you or make you feel that you can not move on. It is unfair that when you start to feel better your ex is allowed to affect your emotions in some way again.

  5. Avatar

    June

    January 29, 2020 at 2:13 am

    hi, Chris
    This June, my ex and i started broke-up since Mar 2019. But seemed like we just stopped contacting to each other for 12 days. Then, he started contacting me. I was so happy, and of course have done everything i shouldn’t. You can imagine. I gave him too much pressure and eventually, he told me ” friend only” during New Year. But 10 days after, I figured out he was contacting another lady. He told me to stop to his house anymore, because he started not to be serious and probably not be alone at home all the time. I was so hurt, not only because he left me again, but also the way he chose. He said, he doesn’t care how the people judge him. He just want to what he want. I almost died last week. But getting better now. I love him, even though he is not perfect. He just don’t know how to deal with emotions. But he doesn’t realize that. BTW, during our first breaking up period. He told me he was seeing a lady from time to time. I figured out it was his ex-girlfriend. He acquiesced. But he told me last week, they are totally done. I don’t think he is a bad guy, actually when he came back to me in August 2019. He told me all the time, he need space and he is not ready for a relationship with anybody. I just didn’t get it.( we have cultural difference, i am Chinese, He is European.) January 24th, I sent him a lot of messages, all about my feelings. But not blamed him, I told him I understand him, respect him. If he thinks that’s the best way for him, just do it. and wish he can find the happiness with the new lady. He wrote me back, said “stop writing, it doesn’t change anything. Only make it even worse.” then, i stopped. But next day, I had a test. I sent him my test result ( because he was concerning about it). He only gave me a thumb up. From that moment, I stopped. Yesterday, he sent me a message about my check( I worked for his company for couple days as a interpreter couple months ago, he was tracking my check from department to department), I responded two hours later, “thank you for checking” then, he wrote me back some details he has done. I said “okay, thanks a lot”. We are pretty quite now. I think he is in a rebound relationship now. Do i need no contact or not? I am trying focus on myself, study hard and do exercise everyday. i want to be the pretty, confident lady again.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 7, 2020 at 8:37 pm

      Hey June yes you do need to do a No Contact! You need to work on yourself during that time and then reach out using a text that Chris suggests

  6. Avatar

    Emma

    January 4, 2020 at 9:47 pm

    Hi!

    I am a lesbian an my girlfriend of 5 years left me for a female coworker of hers. A few weeks ago she cheated on me with this said coworker.
    She said, she likes her a lot and that there might evolve a relationship between the two or maybe not, she does not know yet. But it would be unfair to me to keep our relationship going with so many feelings going on for another person. So she broke up with me and I do not know what to do? Might this be one of those rebound cases or should I give up hope. If I should not give up hope: how long should I wait until pursuing her? Mind you, we ended it on rather good and friendly terms. We cried a lot in the last weeks and alone from that (and she told me, too) that she still loves me a lot.
    What is your advice on this? Should I just wait?

    Thanks a lot and have a great year! 🙂

    Emma

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 5, 2020 at 12:18 am

      Hey Emma, you need to start with a no contact and then go on to show you are the better woman, the better choice. This is where you need to do work on becoming the Ungettable girl, following a No Contact where you do not speak with your ex for at least 30 days

  7. Avatar

    Lynn

    January 4, 2020 at 9:42 pm

    Hi, my ex and I were in an on/off relationship for a few months (and had been a relationship for a year before that) till November when he announced that he wants to break up for good because the relationship was affecting him too much. We agreed to be friends. But then he started acting really rude and when I asked him what’s wrong, he insisted it was all in my head. A few days later, I heard rumours of him being seen with another woman. I didn’t know how to process it so I finally decided to go into no contact. We work in the same building so it was impossible to completely avoid him but I managed since he was anyway not being friendly. I did no contact for 30 days. He didn’t text or call me even once during no contact. Right after I finished, I had posted a story on Instagram about a show we used to watch together. He doesn’t follow me but his best friend does, and he randomly threw shade at me through his friend’s story. It was all very obvious and petty. This was 3 days ago. Should I try to contact him or should I just give up?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 7, 2020 at 10:06 pm

      Hey Lynn no I would not react to his comments just raise above it! And make sure you are sticking to your no contact. If he has someone else then you need to read about the being there method. However, no contact is essential for this process

  8. Avatar

    JoAnn Turnmeyer

    December 8, 2019 at 2:21 am

    I was in a 5 year relationship with a guy that I thought was my world. I already had 2 kids when we got together and he only had one. We split for a little while after 2 years when I got pregnant. Alot of mistakes were made but we ended up coming back together shortly after our son was born. I moved in with him and stayed for the last 3 years of our relationship.
    The last year was when we started to have problems. I would talk with him and thought the problems were solved. But after a week or 2 it would go right back to the same old thing. It pushed a wall up inside of me. To where I stopped caring, got a house, and left.
    He tried to get me to stay for the last 2 months before I left, even proposed to me to get me to stay but I didnt want to hear any of it. I was still angry. And the couple months following….he asked me twice if I was still sure of my decision. I told him I needed to find myself again. Figure out what I wanted and who I was. We had lost ourselves. Became people we didnt recognize. So much anger and hurt in the last little under a year.
    It has only been a little over 2 months since I have moved out and he already has a new girlfriend. I tried to tell him how I felt last week and I ended up leaving very confused. It started with how he was really happy with her, and that he realized that we were probably never going to get back together. But then we talked more and he said he had to think this way, had to put a mental wall up so he wouldnt hurt anymore. Next thing I know we are holding each other facing each other, then kissing. But as I left I told him to put his mental wall back up. I want him back but I felt like it was wrong to be doing all that. So I’m not sure where I stand. I never really did the whole no contact thing. Lately every time I try to not talk to him, he sends me a message and we end up texting a lot. He even recently told me he missed me. But also tells me he likes her. We even talked for quite awhile the other night on the phone. It will go back and forth with him. Between how he likes that they never argue or fight (I was told she is very laid back and agreeable) but how he thinks of me when he is with her (even during sex!). I dont know what to do or what I’m doing. I just dont want it to be too late. But I also dont want to just be jealous of her. Which I am but I think its more….

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 9, 2019 at 5:18 pm

      Hi JoAnn so I think you need to make a decision on if you want him back, or are you worried that hes moving on. Once you decide what you want you can then decide what route to take if you want him back you need to do the being there method but I do think you could get him back if you wanted to. If you were to get back together then you should look into couple therapy to help you communicate better in a relationship so that the old issues dont rise and break up again.

  9. Avatar

    Kels

    December 2, 2019 at 8:18 pm

    Hi Chris- Hope you well 🙂
    First thanks for the above. My ex (43 and me lives in same complex and dated 2.6 years) he left me two weeks ago for second time in 4 months. He came back last time. Last Friday I walked over to his place to return stuff and we talked. We made love and spend the day together. He wanted me to go with him to his friends engagement and all seemed ok. However the next day it was over again. I found out that m the same week he had another girl over that stayed over the night. So obviously met her while still dating me. He told me last friday he just needs space and we can reassess in the new year. He told me he loved me and that everything is perfect between us he just cant stand by me through a very bad custody case between my daughters father and me ( child 3 yrs) as its too draining. He suffers from bad depression and usually pulls back and dont open up but this time he has actually started a relationship. Luke she is a silver linning on a grey cloud…Previous breakup he was on tinder within days also. We almost never fought. We had a great sex life, really close bond. Best friends. We even talked about growing old together just a month before he left me. and now he is spending nights away from his home with her. All within 2 weeks. With his bad Depression and our hard situation with my legal battle he just changed bam 2 weeks prior breakup and a week later walked out. Does this girl also ‘classify as a rebound. Do i use NC rule? He is a ‘father’to my little one and we were a family’ how do i handle this? What is your honest advice?
    Thank you again 🙂 Kels

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 4, 2019 at 9:55 pm

      Hi Kels, so yes do no contact and make sure you stick to it as he has been selfish here, depression or not he could stand by you without having to take on the burden you have to carry during this time. He is not that much of a father if he can walk away from her that easily either he should be stood tall by your side, this is a poor excuse or makes him appear weak personally. So Yes No Contact him! 30 days minimum. Focus on you and your child for now. The other woman is a rebound maybe even emotionally cheating because of how quickly he got her to come over and stay. I think you need to show him you do not depend on him or need him and he will realise how the “draining” that he felt when you wanted support was not needed as much as he thought. I’m sorry if this seems harsh but he has given you poor excuses and jumped into a rebound very quickly. Keep yourself composed, stay graceful, say hello if you pass each other in the complex but do not entertain him whatsoever, and no sex unless you are back together and official again

  10. Avatar

    Chris

    December 1, 2019 at 11:58 pm

    Hello,

    I am in an extremely weird situation. My ex and I were best friends before we got romantically involved. We had this connection that no one understood. Not even us. We dating for a year and a half. We were talking about a marriage and a life together and then one day she decided that wasn’t what she wanted anymore. She never gave a solid reason. Anyway we remained friends. And now she is with someone new. After only a little over a month of breaking up. However, I’m still the one she calls when she’s sad or having a bad day. We talk regularly. She’s told me she still has feelings for me and there are moments she still wants to kiss me. And sometimes she holds my hand. We still sleep in the same bed a few nights a week. But we aren’t “sleeping” together. She recently told me she is falling for the person she is seeing now. But doesn’t want me to back off. I am very confused by the whole situation. I know I love her and I want her back. But I don’t know what she’s thinking.

    Thank you

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 4, 2019 at 10:25 pm

      Hi Chris, so stop sharing a bed with your ex. Just dont. Sleep on the sofa if you must. And they want you to keep trying because they like the thought of you waiting for them if the new person doesnt work out. Start with a limited no contact and also start dating other people, if they get upset or angry it shows exactly what I have said above.

  11. Avatar

    Rob

    December 1, 2019 at 10:23 am

    My Ex decided to split up after 13 years, after going on holiday in Aug. I moved out in September and things were quiet amicable. I still have emails saying she loved me at the start of October. I found out she had been using Tinder in November and there were a few cheap shots fired. She has been seeing the guy for about a month now, we have children, I am in limited no contact (Just talking about the kids) since middle November. I have also just been diagnosed with ADHD. What’s my best move forward, the best way back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 1, 2019 at 11:10 pm

      Hi Rob, so you are doing the right things at the moment and when you feel up to it start dating casually (nothing serious for now) What is the reason for the actual break up do you know? You need to do some work to become the best version of yourself so that when she starts comparing the new guy to you, he doesnt match up. The advantages you have is 13 years of positive memories that the new guy needs to try match up to.

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    Josie

    November 20, 2019 at 8:22 am

    Hello Chris,
    My ex dumped me about 4 weeks ago, he seem really upset that he made the decision to do so he was crying and saying he missed me. And that he loved me. I did no contact and he would go out of his way to call and message me. Right when I cut him off for about a week he block his Snapchat story but not block me from the platform or Other social media. The girl he is with is a co-worker at school and they have started to show signs of intimacy on his birthday. Like secretly going for dinners and such I found out because my friends were able to see the Snapchat stories. Today I saw a video having a good time with this girl at our college’s homecoming And I confronted him about it in a calm manner I didn’t cuss or show a lot of distress I just basically said I know he’s with her and he lost me. He basically said a response that it wasn’t planned what happened between them and that I should be a mature adult and not make home the bad guy.we’ve been together for 2 years I’m close to his family and he met mine two weeks before the breakup. This was a serious relationship and he wanted a future with me but obviously that gone and dead. My question is what happened? Is this a rebound or now a serious relationship

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 23, 2019 at 8:29 pm

      Hi Josie, this is new girl just coming on the scene after a 4 week break up would tell me it is a rebound as its only been 4 weeks since your break up. Read up about rebounds, being there method and how to become Ungettable. Not reacting towards their relationship is important right now

  13. Avatar

    Lynn

    November 16, 2019 at 11:52 pm

    Hi I was with my ex 15 years 2 kids, it was both our first love, I always thought we were solid We always had each other’s back, until he started going out with his mates more regular then I found out he had taken a older woman on a date We argued then eventually put it down to stress and us just been in a routine, but then he went out again and met another girl he told me he needed space then the very next day he was in a relationship with her I’m absolutely broken how can I get him back ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 18, 2019 at 10:44 pm

      Hi Lynn you need to do something called limited NC and read up on the articles that explain how to follow the process when you have children there are articles about this on this website to help you

  14. Avatar

    Kirby

    November 16, 2019 at 1:49 am

    My ex and I were together 2 + years, we’d have been starting year 3 next month. I broke it off 6 weeks ago, wed had several huge fights and my anxiety kicked in and I made an irrational decision. I’ve been working on balancing myself, and I had wanted to talk to him a few times about 3 weeks ago. His job is demanding, and he couldn’t make it over. Last weekend, I got home to two Alexa notifications for him from his new OW. One included an “I love you so much” message. I sent him a text with his notices and added that since he clearly has moved on he now can come get his stuff. This led to him finding out I wasn’t done with our relationship. He set up time to talk to me over the phone. During that conversation I learned he had spent the first 3 weeks crying non-stop about us, he even admitted he still does and that he thinks of me a lot. He started the relationship around that 3-4 week. He stated that despite how he wished he’d confronted me about us and how he wanted to also still be together, that he was incline to go down this path he already started. I told him I could understand that, and stated it just hurt really bad one from the way I found out and that he was already telling another woman he loved her so shortly after. He said he could understand that, and added he hasn’t answered her “I love you” message. This was 3-4 days after she sent it. As the conversation started to end, he had mentioned he was busy with work this week, but that he would try harder to find time to talk to me, and he may come by this weekend (I’m secretly hoping no due to no contact). Also, during the conversation I told him that since he was in his new relationship and heading down that path, that when I renewed the apartment lease this week I’d have him removed. He said he’d be happy to stay on it. I did ask if he thought maybe it was a rebound, and he said maybe. As we started to get off the phone he said “I clearly have a lot of things I need to think through the next several days.” This gave me some extra hope we could fix this. The day after our chat, I went axe throwing, something the two of us wanted to always do. I sent him a picture and said he needed to go. He text me super early the next morning, saying he’ll add it. A few texts later I said that maybe I can be the one to take him, even if it’s just as a friend. He sent me a huge smile emoji and said he liked that. We had a few other words about a cert I need to get, and he was pushing me to stop procrastinating. He’s shown interest in me, which I feel is a good sign, or am I just grasping at straws? I got your book, and since all that was yesterday I started my no contact today. I want to do it the 30 days, but his birthday is 18 days into the no contact as well. I’m confused on which one would be the best date. I actually canceled the gift I had gotten him because of the no contact rule. I’m scared for the phone phase because he truly works so much and I don’t know if I’ll be able to get a hold of him initially, is return calls ok? Aside from that, I don’t know how their relationship is doing. They work together, so I feel it started sometime earlier due to me just being so unhappy lately. He made it seem as if he doesn’t get time to see her, and I found out she knows about me. I just don’t know if she knows I want him back. I’m extremely hopeful I can get him back, but I’m also afraid I screwed up majorly. What’s a way to get support by your team if I don’t have Facebook. And thank you for the help.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 18, 2019 at 10:15 pm

      Hi Kirby, so the situation with support you need to pop over to the products section. The Facebook group is an option but you would need to create a profile for that. There is one to one coaching and also buying the ebooks. The benefit of the Facebook group is that there is almost 24/7 support available so no matter what time of the day it is for you someone will be active for you with a strong team of moderators for support too.

      If you are going to try and get your ex back this is giving you, your best chance, starting with the No Contact and completing it for 30 days without reaching out or replying to your ex. No birthday messages either. Then during that time working on yourself and working on becoming Ungettable girl

  15. Avatar

    Bex

    November 8, 2019 at 1:37 am

    We had been together for 11 months but it had been fast moving and intense, he told me I was his soul mate and that he wanted to be with me forever. Then he ended it with me during an argument, he admitted later he hadn’t really thought it through. He proceeded to string me along for a month, we then spent a couple of intense days together where he told me over and over again how much he loved me, we said we would catch up again in a few weeks but needed to go no contact for a while. In that time I found out he was seeing someone else. I bumped into him a couple of weeks after our 2 days together, it was really difficult. I confronted him about this other woman and I know I didn’t act well in this situation as I was caught off guard. He told me he was still in love with me despite being with her… I told him we needed to be 100% done because I was so hurt by this. I told him we shouldn’t speak again (I didn’t actually want that but I felt so out of control of the situation). He then blocked me on Instagram and we haven’t seen or spoken to each other since (it’s been almost 4 months). I was sure this other woman was a rebound however I just saw on his social media (through a friends account) that he is still with this other woman. They have been on holiday together and he’s posting pictures with her, he had never posted picture of me or us like that before and as I’m blocked he will assume I can’t see it (if he’s even thinking of me anymore at all). It’s been around 4 months since they started seeing each other now I think. I’m now guessing this isn’t a rebound and that is something that really stings. How could he move on so quickly and tell me he was still in love with me when he started this new relationship? I know in the past he usually only dates people for a couple of months and then is onto the next one so this does seem to be going on longer than his usual flings.

    I guess it’s time to let go of any hope of rekindling now? But I wanted an experts opinion which is why I’m reaching out here.

    I look forward to your response!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 8, 2019 at 8:32 pm

      Hi Bex, so the fact hes kept you blocked for this long and you haven’t been able to see him yourself (without friends social media) I would say it is going to be a tough one to get him back. Chris says wait for the 6 month mark for a rebound to be serious or more than it is, which also applies being blocked for 6 months it is a sign you may need to move on. So during these next few weeks work on being Ungettable and focus on your life and what you are doing to make positive changes, date casually too.

  16. Avatar

    Laura

    November 5, 2019 at 10:27 pm

    Maybe I missed it, but what is the answer to “what if your ex meets this new person while still with you, is it considered a rebound?”

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 9, 2019 at 1:33 am

      If your ex meets someone new, while you’re together its cheating. And if they choose to be together they will not likely last as they are entering the new relationship with negative actions. And usually the cracks will begin to form after a few months.

  17. Avatar

    Abs

    October 22, 2019 at 4:26 pm

    Is it only a rebound if you left (initiating the split) or can you get into a rebound if you were left??

    Me and my now ex husband (my childhood sweetheart) together for 13 years split in June I initiated it but I wonder if he was pushing for me to do it and within a month he was in a new relationship with a work colleague who is the complete opposite to me and anything he ever said was his type. I regret the split and want him back with me and the kids I love him. He was my first and true love despite our silly arguments we had good times and 4 kids together. But I fear that (3 months on) it’s the real deal and I’ll never get him back. We talk and see each other all the time mainly about the kids but I want him back!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 22, 2019 at 6:11 pm

      Hi Abs so yes it can still be a rebound as hes hurting from you leaving him stick to the plan and you will be giving yourself the best chance of getting him back

  18. Avatar

    Dorsalyn

    September 24, 2019 at 1:25 pm

    Hey me and my ex were friends for like 8 years he would jump in a relationship and I would as well but if it fails we would always come back to each other and get each other through it..but this time it was something different he was wondering why we wasn’t together so we ended up in a relationship this year in April. We stay 30 minute away from me. Around the end of June we started having lack of communication and I was wondering why. The whole time he had been living with this other chick because he got put out of his mama house. We was suppose to be working on moving in with each other but when his mama put him out he claim he had no where to go so he ended up staying with that girl and now she’s pregnant with his baby and he’s stuck with her and he acts like he happy about the baby then he put me back in the friend zone and I just feel very hurt and shocked

  19. Avatar

    Anne

    August 15, 2019 at 10:10 pm

    Chris,
    My ex is in a “rebound” relationship with a woman who lives 3 hours away so they only see each other on weekends. Would the “6 month rule” still be applicable since they hardly ever see each other; obviously they can communicate via phone, texting and internet but as I said only spend WE’s together. We were married for 7 years and on/off for the last 2 years after our divorce. He jumped right into a relationship with her while we were still communicating but we hadn’t had a physical relationship for a month at that time. We communicated during their relationship until a month ago when she probably found out we were still communicating. We always considered each other “soulmates” but now I’m the “crazy” ex bc I did all the things you say not to do this last month unfortunately. Now, I have stopped contact but may be too late. Thanks

  20. Avatar

    AT

    July 30, 2019 at 3:02 am

    Do men rebound with an ex?

    I dated my ex for 4 years, we lived together for 2. We broke up bc of work causing depression and our living situation suffered bc of it and saw a lot of misplaced emotions (messy apartment, communication faltering, etc, all stemming from a very toxic work situation).

    Immediately after breaking up, i learned he was in contact with an ex he dated before me (he dated her for a little under 2 years). I k we they had been somewhat friendly since breaking up, but there was never any cheating
    … just an occasional message here or there.

    I know it is easy to go back to something comfortable after a long relationship… but is that what this is? Or should I be worried it’s more serious? We’ve had conversations about getting back together later down the line, but I’m worried hes just saying things to appease me at this point.

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