There’s a “rebound relationship” checklist that I use for every client that comes to me when another person is in the picture with their ex.

And today I’d like to share it with you.

You’ll find that the 6 signs that I talk about in this article are different than what some of my peers are telling you.

This is by design because I want you to understand the reality of the situation you’ve found yourself in and I’m not interested in lying to you to make you feel better.

So, with that in mind let’s begin!

6 Signs That Your Ex Is In A Rebound Relationship

Below I have compiled the checklist that I use for my personal coaching clients who ask me if their ex is in a rebound relationship,

  1. How quickly did it take for your ex to move on?
  2. How long your ex has been dating that new person for?
  3. Does your ex have a history of jumping from relationship to relationship after a breakup?
  4. Is your ex exhibiting a bit of the grass is greener syndrome?
  5. Have you considered the differences between stability and excitement?
  6. Is your ex showing off the new person to you to rub it in your face?

Now, if you are familiar with my work on Ex Boyfriend Recovery then you’d know that I am really big on giving you in-depth reasoning.

So, what I’d like to do is take a few minutes and expand on what each of these signs actually means.

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1. How Quickly Did It Take For Your Ex To Move On?

In case you were wondering Psychology Today has gone on the record and defined a rebound relationship as,

A person getting into a relationship shortly after their previous one ends.

I’ve actually found that reality is a little more sinister than that when dealing with exes.

In fact, what no one usually tells you about an ex “going on the rebound” is that they typically meet that rebound when they are still in a relationship with you.

Basically they start forming some type of emotional or physical bond with them while they are still committed to you.

This introduction of a third party into your relationship can sometimes be enough to cause the breakup itself,

This leaves your ex pretty happy initially with the new person and you pretty devastated, searching the internet for answers.

Sound familiar?

Here’s my point.

We are here to look for the signs that an ex is on the rebound and one of the most important things to take a look at is how fast it took for them to move on to the new person.

As a general rule of thumb the quicker they move on the more likely it is to be “a rebound.”

That’s what all of my peers are going to tell you and I will agree with them on that.

But what about that situation I discussed above?

What about if your ex meets this new person while they are with you?

Is it a rebound then?

Well, that’s why we don’t hang our hats only on one sign.

2. How Long Has Your Ex Been Dating The New Person For?

About a month ago I filmed a really interesting video on YouTube that tackled one of the most asked questions I get by clients,

“How long does the average rebound last for?”

I answer that question in the video and write up below,

Now, the interesting thing I found when I went to Google and started searching for the answer was that no one really had any data on how long rebounds lasted for.

People had guesses…

And a few of my peers who I won’t name were quoting ridiculous things like,

“60% of rebounds last less than three months”

Never mind the fact that when I actually did a fact check on these statements I couldn’t find any proof to back them up.

So, seeing as how there wasn’t any research that I trusted I decided that I would create the research for myself.

So, I went out and did the following things.

  1. Looked at my own internal notes on how long it took for a rebound relationship to end
  2. I went to every forum I could think of and compiled the data from what people said
  3. I went to every answer website that had written an article on the topic and scanned the comments to see if I could learn anything there.

The whole process took me a good 3 hours.

Now, my goal with all of this was to create a benchmark for my clients who were wondering at what point a “rebound” turned into a “real” relationship.

I wanted to put a timeline on it. I wanted to be able to point to something and say,

“You can expect the average rebound to last (x) amount of months.”

Turns out that when you compile all of the research together you get the following number,

5.2 months

Now, does this mean that your ex and his new person is going to break up at exactly 5.2 months?

No.

However, it gives us a benchmark to grade sign #2 on.

Generally speaking if your exes “rebound” has lasted longer than 5.2 months that is starting to get into more serious territory.

3. Does Your Ex Have A History Of Jumping From Relationship To Relationship After The Breakup

This is an often overlooked factor when it comes to determining if your ex is in a rebound relationship or not.

By simply looking at your exes past you might be able to determine if them jumping into a rebound is common or not.

It’s not exactly rocket science…

But let me throw some fascinating knowledge your way.

Do you think getting into a rebound relationship is healthy?

Think carefully before you answer.

Most of your friends and family will tell you that it’s not. They’ll sit there and say that it simply distracts a person from dealing with the necessary emotions that they need to deal with to move on from the heartbreak.

Well, recent research as early as 2014 suggests that actually getting into a rebound relationship can help your ex get over you and start to feel more confident.

This flies in the face of everything you’ve been told growing up.

Basically getting into a rebound relationship can be one of the best ways to get over a breakup.

Now, you may be sitting here and wondering,

“Why the heck are you telling me this?”

I’m telling you because love, breakups, lust, heartbreak, anger, sadness, depression… they are all nothing more than emotions created as a result of chemicals being released or regulated by your brain.

Well, that’s the scientific way of looking at it.

But I think it’s important to consider the scientific view for a moment.

If your ex is heartbroken as a result of a break up with you wouldn’t it make sense for the brain to protect itself by finding someone as soon as possible so that it can release the right chemicals to help you get over your heartbreak sooner?

Now, I don’t want to get into a philosophical discussion on fate or free will here but to me it makes sense that your ex may not even be aware of the reason they are dating a new person. They just simply feel that it’s what they have to do.

I’ve talked to a lot of men and women going through breakups and the one common thing that I hear from them when I ask them why they jumped into a relationship so quickly is,

“I don’t know…”

I used to think that they just didn’t want to tell me so they were just giving me a lame excuse.

But the more I sat on it and considered I began to believe that they probably have no reasoning for why they are wanting to go to the new person. They just know they have to do it. Well, it could be that their sense of self doesn’t know why they need to do it but their brain does.

So, like an unseen force working behind the scenes it draws them into another relationship.

Why?

So that it can give the body the chemicals it needs to get over a breakup sooner.

4. Is Your Ex Exhibiting The Grass Is Greener Syndrome

The grass is greener syndrome is one of those buzzwords that everyone always talks about but I honestly don’t think anyone understands the dynamics of it.

When you think of the grass is greener syndrome you probably start thinking about an ex who thinks they can do better than you, right?

But what if I told you that we are always looking to find a bigger better deal in our relationships.

The interdependence theory posits that we commit to each other based on costs and rewards.

In other words, we are always looking to get rid of people who cost us things and find the people who reward us the most.

Now, here is the wild part.

When researchers started trying to understand how interdependence played into relationships they learned that three huge factors come into play.

  • Satisfaction: how satisfied we are with the relationship in question.
  • Alternatives: Is there another person out there who can satisfy us more than the person we are with?
  • Investment: how much have we invested into the relationship?

Now, I don’t know about you but “Alternatives” sounds a lot like the grass is greener syndrome to me.

One consistent theme I see with exes who move on to someone new is they have this unshakeable belief that they can do better than you.

However, a rebound really isn’t a rebound until that new relationship ends is it?

How The Honeymoon Period Plays A Role Into GIGS

Now, what do we know about new relationships?

Well, we know that every new relationship will go through this period of time where the world looks a little like this to them,

Basically, we view our relationship through rose colored glasses and believe our partner can do no wrong.

So, lets swing around to your ex and their new rebound.

When they are really determining if they made the right choice in breaking up with you (assuming they did break up with you) they are going to be comparing how they feel with the new person to how they felt with you.

And it’s obviously going to be better.

Why?

Well, the new person has an unfair advantage.

Your ex is looking and comparing based on how they feel during the honeymoon period so it makes sense that your relationship won’t compare.

But the one constant in this world is change…

And that even applies to how we feel in relationships.

So, often what I see happening is that when the honeymoon period ends your ex does this internal calculation in their head and that’s when the true grass is greener syndrome comes into play.

That’s when they’ll really sit there and ask themselves,

“Is the person I’m with really better than (insert your name?)”

5. Consider The Difference Between Stability And Excitement

A few weeks ago I was reading an article on “The Atlantic” that Esther Perel wrote.

Now, if you don’t know who Esther Perel is then you need to stop everything you are doing right now and check out her website and watch this video,

In my opinion, the woman is a savant when it comes to understanding infidelity.

Now, let’s be honest.

Infidelity is a really dark topic and you may be sitting around and wondering why the heck I am talking about it when this article is about rebound relationships. Well, in my view there are a lot of similarities between someone who is having an affair and someone who is jumping into a rebound relationship.

After all, most of the rebound relationships I encounter are actually beginning while your partner is still with you.

But we are getting off topic here.

One of the most fascinating findings that Esther Perel has been championing is that one of the underlying causes of why we cheat on our partners is due to the fact that there isn’t enough excitement in their relationship.

They can love each other deeply but contrary to popular belief love doesn’t conquer all.

Within every man lies a need for excitement and stability.

Now, after working one on one with clients for half a decade I’ve come up with something to fully describe this need for excitement and stability

Stability is the opposite of excitement…

And excitement is the opposite of stability…

And yet we need both to feel fully satisfied in a relationship which will then help in preventing us looking elsewhere.

So, ideally we are always trying to bring this perfect balance of stability and excitement to our relationships but something tells me that when you look back on your time with your ex this might have been problematic.

For example, you might have been a little too stable and not exciting enough,

This isn’t good because what happens then?

Well, that’s where your ex will take a step back and start looking for an alternative that can bring more excitement into their life.

Of course, the reverse is also true if you are too exciting/unstable in a relationship,

You see, I have this really interesting hypothesis that in general people veer a little more in one direction than the other. Take me for example. I am not overly attracted to someone who always wants to go on adventures and is extremely outgoing.

However, there are times in my marriage where I want my wife to be that way.

I want her to be spontaneous and exciting.

But at my core I always value stability a little more.

So, the reality is that I think we are always trying to achieve a perfect balance of excitement and stability but the fact is that we always prefer one a little over the other.

6. Is Your Ex Showing Their Rebound Off To You?

Our Private Facebook Group has special terminology for rebound relationships.

They call them,

OW’s = Other Women

The OW did this…

The OW did that…

You get the picture.

Well, one interesting thing I notice on there is that they become so obsessed with the other woman and what she’s doing that they completely forget to look at things from a broader perspective.

Last year I was working with a client and her ex boyfriend had gotten an “OW.”

Obviously, I gave her this checklist (excluding this particular sign) to look over and determine if her exes new woman was indeed a rebound relationship. She determined that the new girl was but she ended up throwing me off my game when she asked me a question that I was not expecting,

“Chris, he is literally asking for my advice on how to handle her in different situations”

Now, I’m not going to lie to you. I have heard of this happening a lot but what threw me off my game was the fact that I had an instant lightbulb moment,

You see, before when a client would ask me this question I’d just immediately assume they were being friend zoned but what if they weren’t.

What if the ex was literally asking them questions about the new girl to not only throw it in their face but to gauge their reaction to see if they were still interested.

Well, the only way for me to find out was to actually go to the clients that I had helped successfully win their exes back who had rebounds and ask them if their exes exhibited this behavior.

It turns out that half of my clients said that their exes did this exact thing and half of them said they hadn’t.

That’s pretty significant.

Significant enough to add to the list.

So, our list of five became a list of six and we have strong evidence to suggest that if your ex is throwing their new relationship in your face it is a sign that, that relationship is a rebound!

I Want To Talk To You For A Bit

I don’t know if you’ve noticed but we’ve been undergoing a lot of internal changes here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery.

What do I mean by that?

Well, I’ve determined that a lot of our old content is… well, old.

It’s outdated and my views have changed on it. So, rather than writing new content covering the same ground I am going back and updating it. Just like relationships the content on our website is a living breathing thing and it needs to change as the times change.

So, I am going to make a commitment to you.

Every year as I learn more about what works and what doesn’t work I am going to come back and update this content. In addition, I’ve made a personal commitment to do my best to respond to every comment that I get.

So, if you want to a quick take on your situation just ask me a question in the comments and I’ll try to get back to you within 24 hours!

Sometimes life gets in the way but usually I am pretty good about it.

Citations and Sources:

2,752 thoughts on “Signs Your Ex Is In A Rebound Relationship (The Definitive Guide)”

  1. Elisa

    December 10, 2018 at 8:42 am

    1 year and 4 months and we did 6 months apart due to LDR. Very open to each other the whole relationship. I didn’t want to continue going further into the relationship when I found out I was going overseas. He insisted we do it and insisted it would work. We did 6 months strong as a LDR, fights but nothing intense or anything that lasted over 2 hours. We always talked about it. Out relationship was heading to the alter with the families on board. Recently he told me he didn’t feel the same for me (same time he met her). He initially wanted to work on it and was going to visit me, then he called it off. Said he didn’t love me and he has feeling for her. He never cheated so I can give him that. But not even two weeks after our breakup he gets into a relationship with her. Is that a rebound? Am i crazy for wanting answers. We didn’t have problems, we talked everyday and it honestly came out of nowhere for me. I read your whole article and it seems like it is a rebound.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 10, 2018 at 11:28 pm

      Hi Elisa!

      I know all this must be very upsetting and disappointing. Some guys do foolish things and the answers are often vague or not very illuminating. Rebounds do happen and so does “grass is greener” behavior. Best to tap into my Program (PRO) to get up to speed on how you may want to initiate No contact and how to optimize that approach.

  2. Amanda

    November 20, 2018 at 6:29 pm

    Long distance relationship (4 months), but we both felt we were the one. Both very open with eachother. He had an amazing job and I knew I would be the one to move. We took turns driving to see eachother, tried for every other weekend, but things can get in the way (he had a couple aunts pass away). Out of the blue I got a message saying he was concerned about our trips during the winter months, that he would get so depressed during the time we were apart, and he wouldn’t ask me to move cause he felt selfish for taking me from my family, that we still hadn’t really seen each others bad sides. I told him I knew I would move, was willing to take the chance and he said I can’t ask you. I stayed away for a month, then texted I missed him and we talked. I told him how much I had been hurting etc and he apologized. He had blocked me on fb from the beginning but I knew he was seeing someone about two weeks after we split. He doesn’t know I know. This past weekend I sent an apology that I didn’t notice his depression and that I made him feel he had to ask me to move when I already knew. And told him how great I thought he was. He replied with that’s really sweet of you and that my message was hard to read cause it got all split up. I thought it was nice he pieced it together. While I was waiting for a reply from him, I did some math. I told him I was sincere, that I figured my finances and I could in fact move sooner than I originally thought. That I knew we might not work but I was willing to move to see if we could work like a normal couple in the same town. That he couldn’t deny our connection. I haven’t heard back. I’m pretty sure this girl is a rebound. We look somewhat similar and I feel she and I would get along, but she lives an hour away (I lived six), so while he can see her more, it’s really not what he seemed to be wanting. Especially with winter coming. It looks like they’ve been on two dates. I asked him why he said all the things ( like he felt we were meant for eachother etc) and he’s like I can’t answer that. I just didn’t want to ignore your message. His parents were amazing to me and I told them I understood if they blocked me, but I wanted to thank them for making me feel so welcome when I was around them and how much I loved him and it was killing me to be away from him. They sympathized, dad said he wished he could slap the shit out of him and his mom was like you never know what the future holds and both said they would not be blocking or unfriending me. They have not reacted to his pictures with the new girl yet. I truly love him and feel he loves me, but wonder what happened? Did he get scared? It was good morning good night love you right up to the very end. Thank you! I know what I need to do is work on me etc and I will be preparing my house to sell etc (I want a different house anyways). I just don’t know what to think about him right now.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 20, 2018 at 9:49 pm

      Hi Amanda!

      I can see you have been dealing with a lot of stuff on your plate. Given all of this, its best you employ a sensible ex recovery plan, so check out my Program!

  3. Coll

    November 16, 2018 at 6:39 pm

    Chris, me and my bf of 5 months broke up in July. Since the breakup we never stopped texting or talking and would still tell each other we loved each other and missed each other. I did a lot of begging and pleading and became crazy with texting him. About a week ago he said he was done for good and told me he started seeing someone and does not love me and is over me. He started posting pictures all over social media of his new girl which is unusual for him. We work together which makes it hard to stay away from him. I’ve been in no contact for about 4 days now. How can I get him back?

  4. Kate

    November 12, 2018 at 9:50 pm

    Hi Chris,
    Following on from my last comment, the problem with the no-contact rule is that before we split up, we discussed the importance family time with our kids, so both of us and them. This is really good for our kids, and stopping it now, when it has been going well will actually cause more problems and fights between us, making things worse. When it’s not family time. I make no effort to contact him, but when he comes over to see the kids he will often seek me out to talk to me in general. I can’t give up family time, do you have any other suggestions?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 12, 2018 at 11:30 pm

      Hi Kate….Ok….that works Kate as it is a limited, more pragmatic form of No Contact which I talk about in my eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book”.

  5. Kate

    November 11, 2018 at 7:33 am

    Hi Chris.
    My partner and I broke up 3 months ago. We have 2 very young kids and had been together for 7 years. He was initially very angry with me, but after a few weeks he calmed down, and we have enjoyed spending time together, mostly as an family, and were even sleeping together basically on a weekly basis for a while (the last time being Thursday last week). He has now started dating someone new, he first met her about 2-3 weeks after we broke up, but only slept with her for the first time last week. He is now wearing a bracelet saying “her king” and have gone facebook official.
    Does this sound like a rebound? Does this starting at our 3 month mark when I was otherwise seeing good signs of us getting back together eventually impact our chances and lose the 3-7 month Window of opportunity?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 11, 2018 at 7:56 pm

      Hi Kate!

      May very well be a rebound. If you are unhappy with this arrangement and his lack of commitment and openly dating another girl, then you may want to consider implementing no contact in the near future. I have lots of material and books and videos that will help you understand how NC works.

  6. Meredith

    November 6, 2018 at 2:30 pm

    Hi Chris. I’ve had this guy who I didn’t pay attention too much, but was friendly with. Eventually he became super interested, and I gave it a while before I accepted because I still liked someone else. While we only dated for a month and a half, we’d text constantly, call on the phone and play games together daily, hang out and be intimate often. However, I initiated the breakup while I was having a rough time, and as soon as I went through with it I immediately regretted it. Even though he was unsure about it too, he told me he did not want to go back on his word. Fast forward 4 months now, and he’s been dating this girl in college for around a week. They don’t see each other much, but shell come down to our school a few times and when they talk it’s very friendly and awkward almost. Before they started dating, he was incredibly hot and cold with me. And it eventually lead to me to break away. I’ve been exercising, taking taekwando classes, learning different languages and instruments. And even though I still miss him, I refuse to show it since we see each other very often during school. After we broke up, he’s much more rude, stubborn, and closed off towards me and even some others. However there are rare cases where he’ll be nice and pass me something, or be polite. While I don’t feel threatened by this girl, I don’t know how to approach this situation anymore and help would be appreciated

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 6, 2018 at 10:42 pm

      Hi Meredith!

      Great job with your self development and recovery activities. Yeah, some guys are really stubborn and rude. Obviously he has some life lessons to learn. Perhaps try arranging a casual meet up. Think little steps.

  7. Maddie

    October 25, 2018 at 10:26 pm

    Hi Chris, I really need some help right now my ex and I were together 10 months and I was his first true love his first everything i broke up with him on the 6th because I was angry over something he did, we were having some fights recently. The next day i called him to apologize but he told me he moved on i contacted him for about 2 more days but he just kept saying he needed time and he moved on, i gave him 4 days then I reached out again and he told me he likes someone else now and he has moved on after that i stopped contacting him and have not contacted him in 12 days but I just found out last night he is dating this new girl I am absolutely crushed, do you think it is just a rebound and he will eventually come back around?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 26, 2018 at 12:23 am

      Hi Maddie!

      I am sorry your boyfriend was too pig headed to accept your heartfelt apology. He is being very mean to you. This other girl could be a rebound girl. And if he doesn’t end up back with you, then its on him for passing up on a gem like you. Best to implement NC. Go pick up my eBook “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” or “The No Contact Rule Book” as it will help you immensely!

  8. Lisa

    October 14, 2018 at 2:51 pm

    I was with my ex for almost 4 years we were in LDR and finally came to same university but only spent about 6 months together in university before break up we fight a lot at the same time loved each other a lot and I still remember everybody gets jealous seeing us both but once he came university he was quite close with a girl in his class I had an instinct that it wasn’t going to be good so I talked to him about that and he stopped talking to her but eventually they started talking back I saw them getting attached so fast and we had some rough time after coming to same university and that’s when he decided to leave me surprisingly he started dating her within 2 or 3 weeks its going to be a year since we broke up and since they started dating it’s very hurtful to see them together since we are in same university he is going around with her with no guilt bcz he believes it’s all my mistake I realised I made a lot of mistakes while in relationship but I do no cheat I was just too egoistic and fight over everything which maybe leads him to fed up of me but why after 4 years all this while he could manage me and right after a girl came into his life he left me saying I’m difficult to be handled

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 14, 2018 at 9:13 pm

      Hi Lisa!

      4 years is solid and build roots that can help you later. Everyone makes mistakes, so don’t beat yourself up. Got pick up my program book and help yourself with improving your odds.

  9. Braimah azeez

    August 30, 2018 at 1:26 am

    Hi, my name is azeez, am a Nigerian…i dated my ex for about four and half years but during these years we have been battling with infedility especially from her angle and that has been going on all through the years we were together..
    I never stopped her from keeping male friends which intentionally and eventually she ends up sleeping with each and everyone of them… When I tried putting an end to her friendship with the male sex she would complain and tell everyone including her friends and family that I am constraining her and abusing her rights and freedom as a woman..to make matters worse she would complain of my lack of trust for her as if she forgets what she does with them… Just a month back she was seen with another guy whom she introduced me to as “just a friend” house while I was away for my I.T…confronting her about it she caused a stare and demanded for a breakup from me of which I refused and then she filed for it herself… I was left heartbroken and shattered… I really have lost so much during the course of the relationship and I feel I am the one that lost in all… What should i do about it

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 30, 2018 at 3:53 am

      First you should focus on your on healing. Take some time away from here. Don’t attempt to contact her for a while. My program is in part about advancing your own personal recovery, so explore it and learn to embrace activities and new routines that can help you thru this period.

  10. Andrea

    August 26, 2018 at 12:58 am

    Hey Chris
    My ex and I broke up after 1 year of being together. We were stressed as I was financially covering for everything for a few months until he got back onto his feet. After 3 months of back and forth confusion he finally tells me he’s seeing someone. Then he tried to play it off saying he’s dating around after he saw the pain in my face. He told me I looked great in every way. He then said he’d like to bump into me to help me with adjusting my back, since I have a terrible back. I’m severely confused and I just don’t understand. Is he just being nice or is it that he can’t let me go ?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 26, 2018 at 1:21 am

      Hi Andrea…yes…personal stress and financial issues can all conspire to put pressure on a relationship. I think you should roll right into No Contact. Make sure you have a solid ex recovery plan so you know what to do along the way!

  11. Lisa

    August 16, 2018 at 11:07 pm

    Hello, ex of 12 years 3 children. Proposed then left 4 months later. He went straight into a relationship with someone he knew, who is my complete opposit. He has now turned into a completely different person to the one I was with. Has been with this woman for 3 and half months now . But for the last 2 months has been telling me he wants to come back. Have tried doing limited contact but at times, but he will out of the of know where message me abuse , more I ignore it the worse it gets . This is out of character for him and was never like this when we were together. No hardly sees his children saying he hasn’t had time . The longer he’s with her the worse he seems to be getting. I would love for him to come back and be the person he was. Bit I really don’t know what to do . Is he just telling what I want to hear, so I’m hid back up plan or does he want to come back but don’t know how to without looking like the bad guy. ( friends and family stopped speaking to them be cause of how it started so don’t think he wants to look like he make a mistake… Maybe lol I’m just guessing )

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 17, 2018 at 2:11 pm

      Hi Lisa!

      I could be a rebound. Sometimes guy have to learn the hard way. 12 years grows roots and that is difficult to step away from, except they don’t know that sometimes until later when they have lived some life. His abusive messages are probably a reflection of his confused state of mind. It doesn’t excuse them, but that might be where its coming from.

      Perhaps a continuation of limited contact will be best and meanwhile, you can do things to continue to focus on your own recovery and reinforcing your own value. Take a look at some of the resources and tools I talk about on my home page as they should help you.

  12. Alex

    July 29, 2018 at 10:53 pm

    How do I look a your response from a pervious post?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      July 30, 2018 at 3:19 am

      I think you may have to go to that actual post.

  13. Mary

    July 29, 2018 at 2:41 pm

    Hi Chris!
    So I went through a confusing breakup with my ex 3 months ago.. there was no closure and he told me I was the best girlfriend he’s ever had… There were no signs of the relationship struggling at all. We were one day away from moving into a house together and start a new chapter in our lives. He always talked about marriage and kids and brought it up and I always went with it.. So, I followed the no contact rules and didn’t hear from him until 3 weeks later.. he then messages me to ask when I was available to meet him halfway to get my things. When I met him weeks later, I was short and acted like I didn’t care. We hugged and he teared up and said the last thing I ever wanted was to hurt you. The only reason he gave me when he broke up with me is we weren’t compatible and we argued or snapped when we pick on each other. I found that very bizarre. There was no contact initiated after that. Almost a week ago I accidentally sent a snapchat to him and he replied. I said sorry it was an accident and he said no worries. I said hope all is well and he said likewise. Then I asked him about the house. He said it was nice but a lot to keep up with. I told him that I am happy for him and the new house. He said thank you. I said maybe I can see it one day and he replied yea maybe one day. So this was less than a week let me remind you. I wake up this morning to see a picture he posted on social media of him and this girl and he FINALLY removed our photos yesterday of us and posted this new one with this new girl. Not 100% that they are dating, but he doesn’t randomly post pictures of him and girls.. It has been 3 months since he broke up with me… I know this is a lot to take in and consider, but I am so confused as to what this means. Has he moved on or is he trying to rub it in my face.. What am I to think/do??

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      July 29, 2018 at 3:37 pm

      Hi Mary…I know what you mean. Breakups can be confusing, but when there were no signs of trouble, that makes it really hard to process. Could this new girl be a rebound? Is it serious? Should you give up? I don’t think you give up the hope, but its important to move forward and heal and know that whatever happens, you will be find. So go to my home page and tap into some of the wonderful tools and resources I make available to folks like you. Check out my ebooks that focus on your needs. We are here for you.

  14. Anna

    May 9, 2018 at 7:54 am

    Hey Chris,
    I was just informed from one of my distant friends that my ex boyfriend is in another relationship. I just started slowing getting off of my feet and now my heart is broken again. We broke up in December after being together for 7 months. Our relationship was beyond perfect. Our families and him always said we were made for each other. It was a very mature relationship and we both were head over heels. He’s a hunter and things got messy when we couldn’t see each other because our work schedules didn’t match up and he was gone every weekend. He told me in January that he was never coming back. February came and he was begging for me for an entire week. I replied after a week but he was mad at and told me to move on. March came and he texted me a message about my step dad in which I replied saying he should contact my step dad if he needs to talk to him and how I have no hard feelings against him and that I have forgotten about our situation. I haven’t heard from him since then. I haven’t contacted him either. I am so broken hearing about his new girlfriend. Is she a rebound or is he really over me? What do I do? I am heartbroken.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 10, 2018 at 1:55 am

      Probably so Anna…his following up with you on those occasions suggest he still has feelings. Just take some time to focus on your own recovery. There are lots of things you can do to help yourself….many of which are covered in my ebook, “The No Contact Rule Book”. With time, you will have a greater perspective about just how important he is to you and your life.

  15. Sam

    May 9, 2018 at 4:48 am

    My ex and I have two kids and were together for 7 years. he was seeing another woman he met at the gym behind my back for over a month. We were still intimate 2 weeks ago when I found out. This isn’t the first time he has done this. So my ex packed all his things and moved out. For a week I cried and was in a depression. But this past week I have really been following the no contact rule. So this “OW” calls me and fills my head with a bunch of things saying that he stays there every night and they have alex everyday. She even stated that my kids are there when he has them on the weekends. Now he won’t claim her to me and I can’t tell what she is lying about because she also stated she wanted to talk to me because she thinks he might be seeing someone else also. I guess I’m having a really hard time wrapping my head around what exactly is going on and the depth of “their” relationship. Is this a rebound or is the real deal. She is my age and also has two kids if her own. They had been talking 1 month before I caught him cheating and that’s when he moved out. I want him back but I don’t know how serious things are between them. Do you have any advice? He acts like everything is wonderful with him when I do have to see him to exchange kids. But during the no contact when I ignore him he will text a few more times then stop again after no response. How do I get him back? Or know if this is a rebound relationship? I need help!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 9, 2018 at 5:10 am

      Hi Sam…I am very sorry for your pain. Having some space between each other is important right now because you should be focusing on your own self recovery and healing and your children. Who really knows what he is up to and is doing. And you sure don’t need this other women crying on your shoulder about all this. Use this time to learn to live independently from emotionally and every which way. I am not saying this where all this will lead as no one really knows the future. But it serves you to be pragmatic and look out for your own mental healthy. As time goes by, you will likely draw closer to your feelings about what is really in your best interest. Right now, emotions are flying high and that is understandable. I wrote a book called the “No Contact Rule Book” that you might want to pick up (website menu/products section). It covers everything on would want to know about the NC process and has a lot of information about self recovery tactics.

  16. Sara

    May 8, 2018 at 6:11 pm

    Hi, I was in a long distance relationship with a guy I met online for a little over a year. Time really didn’t define our relationship because we had a connection since we started talking, and we spent a lot of time talking on the phone and facetiming. The biggest downfall in our relationship was that we did not know when we could meet each other in person. However, throughout the time we were together, our goal was to do our masters programs together in the same city since we were graduating college during the same semester. Things were going well except that we got into small fights as a result of our circumstances – distance made communication more difficult. I also think it was getting more difficult because we were leaving the honeymoon phase and although we were both emotional invested in each other, we were not able to express through actions and not words what we felt for each other. About a month ago, we had a normal conversation in the morning, but then all of a sudden I began to feel weird, and incapable of talking to him. For the whole day I didn’t text him, and at night we had a phone call with a lot of tension. The next day after some thought, I suggested that we have a break and come back after we had some time to clear our minds and focus on the present, because thinking so far in advance about meeting and having the uncertainity of not knowing when, was beginning to become toxic. He responded that he had been thinking about it too and that it would be best if we had the break. But after some time, he told me he actually wanted us to break up. The break up lasted for about 2-3 weeks because for a while he told me he felt very confused and didn’t know how he felt. Eventually he told me that his feelings for me had started to fade gradually, and that the pain and uncertainity of not being with me was getting to him. Later he told me that we broke up because things got complicated in our relationship. However, 2 weeks after our break up he seemed to be happier and told me he was already talking to someone. He said he didn’t like her when we were together, so I am not sure whether or not it is a rebound relationship. He told me that he still wants to be friends in the future when it is possible, and that he would like to look for masters programs with me in the future. It’s been a month, and I asked him if I could call him recently. He said that he would prefer texting because he doesn’t want to hear me talk about our relationship again. The few times that we have texted on friendlier terms, we have talked about other things besides our friendship. To me it hasn’t been weird, but he says that it’s still weird for him to talk to me, and the way that he communicates with me makes it seem like he doesn’t care about me anymore. I feel more confused than ever because I don’t know what I did to make him feel like he can’t talk to me the same way anymore, and as much as I think it would be healthier to be friends instead of being in a long distance relationship, I feel the need to understand his behavior towards me when it seemed like we ended on good terms.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 9, 2018 at 3:23 am

      Hi Sara…thanks for visiting. I know LDR can be hard on a couple in so many ways. I think it would serve you to just take some time away from him, a form of No Contact. You should do this as much for yourself as one would do in their effort to get an ex back. At the the end of your no contact period, your feelings and thoughts about what you want going forward will likely crystallize. During this time you can focus on your healing and recovery. I have written an ebook, “The No Contact Rule Book”, that might be of interest to you as it is full of recovery tactics when dealing with what you are going through (learn more at my website Menu/products section). Neither of us know the future as to how things might transpire with this person. Maybe he is wanting to move on. Its unclear to me, but what you describe sounds like a guy who is not as invested in you as you are in him. So give yourself some time to reassess, likewise he too will have time to reassess.

  17. Gracie

    May 8, 2018 at 11:05 am

    My ex broke up with me at the start of January this year out of the blue. He been under a lot of stress at work before the holidays. When we broke up he didn’t really give me an explanation other than he was too stressed at work to put focus on a relationship and said a relationship wasn’t the right thing for him. We tried no contact for a while but it didn’t work for us. I found out he had gone on a few dates but nothing serious. We stopped speaking after that to give me some space. About 2 months ago, a woman who I don’t know shared a photo of me and him from his Facebook profile to hers. I’ve no idea why she did this! We had mutual friends who informed me what happened. I contacted my ex to see why this happened and he admitted he was seeing this person and she did it by mistake but i think she did this to get a reaction from me. She’s the complete opposite of me in every way. About 5 weeks ago they put it on Facebook that they are in a relationship, he admitted they’d been together since mid February so they got together 6wks after we broke up. There’s been no contact at all between me him for the last 5wks until this weekend. I went back to the gym after being out for 7wks due to an illness. And he was there with her. This was a big aspect of our relationship working out together on Sunday mornings. It did hurt a bit but I’m ok with it, I’ve definitely grown during NC. It was very awkward he kept looking at me and even left the main gym area for a period of time when I started my workout. They came back out again and she wasnt pleased to see me at all. It seems he has adopted the same routines we had with her. I’ve used the NC contact rule to improve myself. I’ve got a new haircut, lost some weight etc. Does this girl sound like a rebound?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 8, 2018 at 2:53 pm

      Hi Gracie…it could be a classic rebound relationship. Time will reveal the truth and meanwhile, you can keep doing things to enhance your value. You have picked up a copy of my ebook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” right? If not, go take look because it is intended to help you through this whole process. Also, the “No Contact Rule Book” might be a good match for you because it goes into so much detail about how you can optimize your chances and also all the things you can do on the self recovery side of the equation (available at my website Menu/Products link). The idea is to keep building value and leaving him little breadcrumbs to remember you by. Let me know how it goes for you Gracie!

    2. Gracie

      May 8, 2018 at 4:50 pm

      Thanks Chris I’ll check that out! I just noticed today that he has blocked me both Facebook and Instagram which he has never done before.

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 9, 2018 at 3:39 am

      Hi Gracie…well…this is not unusual. Its just a passive aggressive thing guys do sometimes. He is just a bit fussy right now

    4. Gracie

      May 9, 2018 at 8:08 am

      Yeah that’s what I thought too. His new girlfriend has also blocked me since I seen them together at the weekend. Thanks again Chris

  18. Erica

    May 4, 2018 at 10:51 pm

    My ex left me at 7 months pregnant out of the blue. I was supposed to move out to Texas with him from Alabama, we were weeks away from getting married and he up and just left. He said “he needed time” I was heart broken because he’s in the army and we’d been part for 3 months, should have been plenty of time. I went through January crying and wanting him back, February came and I did no contact. He was in training anyways so he didn’t have a phone. He started talking to a new girl at the beginning of March and came home for our daughters birth and spent the whole 2 weeks time with this girl. He acts like he’s obsessed with her, he tells me that I need to get over the fact that our baby will be around this new girl. I’m just wondering if this is a rebound. I’m so lost, we were together for almost 2 years. Him and her have been together for a month and a half. I have read the articles about getting an ex back while pregnant and the one about the military! What are your thoughts???

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 5, 2018 at 4:19 am

      HI Erica. I am so sorry for you pain. But the bright side of this story is you have a beautiful baby. Your focus should be about your own healing and the beautiful relationship with your child. Be sure to draw upon your support system (family and friends) to help you. You cannot count on him or trust that he will return to you. Maybe it is a rebound, but trust has been damaged and you should take this time to not only heal but reflect on what is important to you. Right now, your feelings are probably justifiably all over the place. As time goes by, you will gain greater perspective. One way or another, he will likely always be part of your life given your child. But remember,while you may not see this now or agree, you really don’t need him to be happy. Our happiness should never be dependent on any single person.

  19. chana

    May 1, 2018 at 8:20 pm

    There are a few problems here. We have established that the relationship is a rebound. My ex and I shared an impeccable bond but over time our relationship and individual lives lost stability. He found comfort in one of his friends and they have been seeing each other for months. We broke up in November. He has been back and forth with deciding if he should stay with her or come back to me. He cheated with that same girl. Earlier this month he came over, we slept together and then he proceeded to tell me he’s in a relationship with the other girl. Now even though she is a rebound she offers more stability than I do because of the way in which we broke up, everyone of his family members knew and were involved. Therefore, why would he choose me? It was messy wasn’t it? So ideally, I should not chase him by messaging him after NC of which I am at 8 days because he has made his decision. I want him to rethink that decision, miss me alot, break up with her and try to win me back. These are merely fantasies and i’m certain none of those expectations will materialise. What is my gameplan? I do not want to chase, as I am the one that was dumped and he chose to be with someone else. Playing nice is not exactly the culture over here. Will their relationship progress into something maintainable? And what do I do to increase the chances of him chasing me?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 1, 2018 at 9:48 pm

      My best advice given the limitations of this comment forum is to consider the ebooks, resources, and services I offer on this site that will help you dig into this whole topic. Sometimes after an extended NC period, people realize they don’t want their ex back. Some people conclude the relationship was toxic and they gave their guy enough chances. I can’t say that will be the outcome here, but the NC period is mostly for you to heal. It’s suppose to be forward looking, without having to rely on the ex. And any game plan you execute should be the product of what you learn and think will be the best tactics for your situation.

    2. chana

      May 2, 2018 at 11:25 am

      After an extended no contact period i suppose he’ll also realise that he does not want me back?

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 3, 2018 at 1:29 am

      The future is always moving, Chana. You can’t control his choices, but you can largely control the things you do to recover

    4. chana

      May 3, 2018 at 2:11 am

      thank you

    5. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 3, 2018 at 2:13 am

      Your welcome Chana

  20. Nadia

    April 29, 2018 at 12:36 am

    Hi Chris it’s Nadia again from the preview message, I recently hit up my ex I told him I want to work things out and he pretty much told me that he lost feelings for me but still cares about me and still wants to remain as friends I agreed we should be friends .we were talking on the phone for almost 2 hours just talking about what went wrong and told me he was just done with the arguments and there was just no trust. What confuses me is that he told me he lost feelings but still flirts with me told “who knows we might get back together “ i finally have him all over my social media and I still don’t know how to get my ex back or make him feel attracted to me again.. what should I do?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 29, 2018 at 5:09 am

      Hi Nadia…I remember! There are many tactics you can employ…space…jealousy…Ungettable Girl. But the main thing is to realize that if the two of you do get back together, its going to take some time and following a well conceived game plan helps.

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