Is My Ex In A Rebound Relationship? How Long Will It Last?

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

It’s an interesting question, “is my ex in a rebound relationship?” In fact, it is probably one of the most asked questions I get from women whose exes have moved on. On this page I am going to be writing a one of a kind, in-depth guide on rebound relationships. I am going to dissect every single aspect of a rebound that I can think of and come up with an educated guess on how long you can expect your exes new relationship to last. Now, I do think it is important to point out that this isn’t an exact science. Just because I will be predicting things on this page doesn’t mean they will happen.

While I may know most men and can predict their behaviors in the end we are dealing with a real life human being here and if there is one thing that I have learned from my experience running this website it is that human beings can be unpredictable by nature. With that in mind, lets dive right in!

What Is This Page About?

Well, it’s about rebound relationships of course! Ok, perhaps it might be more accurate to say that it is about understanding rebound relationships and how to tell if your ex boyfriend is in one. As always I am going to give you a complete rundown of what you can expect on this page.

  • We will be defining what a rebound relationship is.
  • The nitty gritty details of rebound relationships that matter.
  • How to tell if he is in one.
  • The warning signs of rebound relationships.
  • And I put together an infographic at the end that will tell you how likely it is that your ex is in a rebound relationship.

One last thing. I realize right now you are going through a pretty tough time emotionally. You may not even know if you want your ex back, seeing him with another girl may have killed any feelings you have for him. However, if you are very serious about getting him back I would like to point out that I have put together a special training for you to undergo,

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Rebound Relationships – What Are They?

rebound relationships

Here is a scary fact, USUALLY all relationships before marriage end. Think about that for a second, every single relationship you will have before you get married is going to end. Sure, maybe you “reconnect” with someone from your past after marriage but still in the strictest sense you aren’t technically dating. Lets pan out a little bit further now and look at the institution of marriage. A lot of people often quote the “50 percent of marriages end in divorce” statistic but I am not going to do that. I just want to look at things in a big picture sense. I think there is one thing that we can all agree on, a lot of people break up, before and after marriage. So, if you are going to take that view then aren’t almost all relationships a “rebound?”

No!

Rebound relationships are very specific to a certain situation. Lets hit the pause button now and define what a rebound relationship is.

Rebound Relationships- A type of relationship that is formed very quickly after a painful breakup with someone who you had an emotional and intense relationship. Rebounds are often used as crutches to soften the blow of the emotional heartache you could be feeling.

So, a few key points we should highlight here. Rebounds often occur very quickly after your ex has broken up with you (or you broke up with him.) The question now becomes, how long would you say quickly is? Well, you are here because most likely because your ex boyfriend is in a new relationship and you are trying to figure out if that new relationship is a rebound. So, the true thing we are trying to figure out is how quickly he moved on to a new relationship after he dated you.breakup quotes

The thing about men is that they tend to move on quicker from relationships. Now, there are exceptions to every rule, me personally, I can’t jump from girl to girl because I am just not built that way emotionally. However, I am the exception to that rule. I can tell you that most guys are able to move on much quicker from a relationship than women can. Now, here is the interesting thing about guys moving on. Just because they moved on to a new relationship doesn’t mean they are entirely over you. In fact, most guys who do move on aren’t over you at all.

Most experts will cite the coveted “if he moved on to a new relationship before a six month period then it is a rebound” rule. However, I am not entirely sure that it is that black and white. There are a lot of factors in play here. Factors like:

  • How long your relationship with him lasted.
  • How quickly he moved on to someone new.
  • Does he have good memories from your relationship?

Lets hit the pause button again and take a look at how each of the things I listed above can work together to tell if your ex is indeed in a rebound relationship.

How Long Your Relationship With Him Lasted

happy couple

I started with a biggie first! If you and your boyfriend dated for at least a year than that is a really good thing. You see, I think it is impossible for a guy to just forget someone, who he spent a year of his life with, while he moves on to someone new. That year that you spent with him will always be in the back of his mind when he is with his new girl. Remember, the definition of a “rebound relationship” is if your ex is basically using someone so he doesn’t have to face the heartache of getting over you.

So, in the simplest terms…..

The longer you dated your ex = More likely he is in a rebound relationship.

How Quickly He Moved On To Someone New

going in for the rebound

Another important factor to consider is how quickly he moved on to someone new. I talked about this in the lead up above and have put off giving a direct answer on this until now. I would say that if he moved on to a new relationship within three months after his breakup with you then it is highly likely his new relationship is a rebound.

Now, this factor works directly with the factor above, how long your relationship with him lasted. You see, if you only dated like a month and he moved on to someone new after three months then I am not entirely sure that would qualify as a rebound relationship. You see, a couple who has dated at least a year has had time to develop their feelings towards each other and create reminiscent memories. Of course, there are always exceptions to every rule which leads us to our next factor.

Does He Have Good Memories From Your Relationship?

happy memories

There are a couple of things I would like to point out here. Remember above when I said that it is unlikely that if you dated your ex for a month and he moved on within three months that the new girl is a rebound. Well, here is your out. In that month if he had incredibly good memories with you there may be a slight chance that the new girl is a rebound.

Now, the opposite can be true as well. Lets use a different example for this explanation. Lets say a girls boyfriend has moved on to a new relationship within the three month time frame we set above. The ex couple had dated for two years. However, the girl and her now ex boyfriends relationship was filled with nothing but bad memories. Well, while I still think that in this imaginary case the guy moved on too quickly there is always a possibility that his new girlfriend is not a rebound because the girls previous relationship with him is filled with nothing but bad memories.

More Warning Signs Of Rebound Relationships

Rebound relationships are distractions. Nothing more, nothing less. This distraction is meant to prevent a man from feeling what he is supposed to feel after a breakup in order to heal properly. Now, whether or not RR (rebound relationships) work in the healing process is not what we are here to explore. My goal with this page is to strictly educate you on RR, help you figure out if your ex boyfriend is in one, and give you a time table on how long you can expect his new relationship to last. By now, if you have read what I have said above you should be quite knowledgeable about rebounds. However, there are a lot of other rebound “warning signs” that can occur during a rebound that could be staring you in the face.

I wanted to add this section to make sure I have all my bases covered. Lets dive right in!

Did You Know That It Is Possible For Rebounds To Start Before He Has Even Broken Up With You?

 plotting

Kind of scary huh? He could already have met his targeted rebound girl while he was still in a relationship with you. Now, I think it is important to point out that if he cheated on you with this girl than I would not classify that as having anything to do with this. In fact, there are an entirely different set of questions that have to be addressed in that case.

Anyways, here is how this usually works. Your ex is unhappy in his relationship with you, he is already planning on breaking up with you, or if he isn’t planning it yet, he is at least thinking about it. Enter a new girl into the picture. Usually, he meets her at work, begins flirting with her and you take notice. Essentially, he is lining up his rebound. Think of it like a batter on deck at a baseball game. After he/you ends the relationship he moves on to his new girl who he had lined up way ahead of time. It is a cruel practice but it is also common.

 Your Ex Goes Out Actively Seeking A New Relationship (Within A Three Month Time Period.)

rebounds everywhere

Out of all the warning signs I am listing in this section I will admit that this one is probably the hardest one to be on the watch out for. You see, it requires you to know your ex extremely well. To the point where you can read his mind and since I highly doubt you are professor X from X-Men then this one you probably won’t be able to look for. Nevertheless, I want you to know how the male mind does work after a rough breakup.

There are usually two types of guys after a breakup. The first type of guy is like me. He will take some time after the relationship to heal a little bit. The second type is like a buddy of mine. He will go out on the prowl looking for chicks. Usually, the second type of guy, like my buddy, will not create a meaningful relationship with any of the chicks he ends up “picking up.” However, in the case that he does. He won’t be able to give her what she wants, a true emotional connection. Hence, he is using her as a crutch to get over the breakup.

Family And Friends Are Surprised He Is Dating Again

dating too soon

This one is a pretty common warning sign. In fact, out of all the signs I am discussing here in this section this is the one that resonates with me the most. Why you ask? Simple, I am very connected to the audience here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery. I go out of my way to respond to every comment, email or inquiry that I get on a daily basis. I have heard just about every single relationship breakup story in the book and out of all the women who have asked me if their ex is in a rebound relationship they cite this warning sign as their reasoning for thinking that he is and they are right to think that.

Your family and friends are supposedly the ones that are closest to you. I hope the same is true for you ex. If they are alarmed at how quickly he is dating again then something definitely isn’t right with him. I wouldn’t count my chickens yet but it could be a contributing sign to a rebound relationship.

How Long Do Rebound Relationships Last? Lets Put The Debate To Rest!

the rebound guy

Disclaimer: This section is ONLY meant for women who know that their ex is in a rebound.

I have good news for you. The odds are definitely in your favor! Most likely, your exes new relationship is going to end. But that isn’t the debate everyone seems to have. We are here to figure out how long exactly his new relationship will last, a few weeks, a few months, a few years? It’s a fascinating question. Lets take a step back though and talk a little about why his new relationship is doomed to fail.

Why Your Exes Rebound Relationship Will Fail

What do we know about rebounds so far? Well, they are crutches that your ex will use to attempt to get over you. We know that the new girl is basically a distraction to take his mind off the pain but we haven’t really discussed why his new relationship is doomed to fail. Lets take a quick moment and do that now!

  • It is not uncommon for someone who has just left a serious relationship to be incapable of being able to form a long lasting emotional connection with someone new.
  • The new girlfriend isn’t as dumb as you may initially believe. She may feel she is being used by him and break it off.
  • Eventually he will hit a point where the new relationship he has formed with the new girlfriend isn’t giving him what he needs and he will break it off.
  • He may just use her for physical reasons and discard her.

Putting A Timeframe On Your Exes New Relationship

timeframe meme

How are you supposed to know how long your exes new relationship will last? Maybe you can cast a spell and find out. Funny story actually, I get a lot of comments for this site every single day and about three days ago I got one of those spammy spell caster comments. I probably get five of those a day just from people trying to take advantage and make a quick buck off of you. Anyways, this spell caster promised to have the ultimate secret for knowing how long your exes new relationship would last. The whole thing was quite ridiculous but it gave me an idea. What if I came up with something like an in-depth guide on actually figuring that out? Well, two days later this post was born and I feel confident that the method I employed above to figure out if your exes new relationship is a rebound is a solid one. However, I wanted to do something that really set this apart from the rest of the crowd.

But what could I do?

Then I came up with the idea of going above and beyond by putting a timeframe on your exes new relationship to ensure that you aren’t wasting your time. Here is the thing. This website at it’s core is about helping you get back with your ex boyfriend. However, I have learned more about the process of ex recovery by talking with all of you. After hearing many of your stories I have a pretty interesting perspective on the whole process of using strategies to get your ex back. One common concern I have found that is universal in all the women whose exes are in a rebound relationship is that they don’t want to get the feeling that they are wasting their time. So, I want to introduce you to…. The Rebound Relationship Timeline!

The Rebound Relationship Timeline

Rebound Timeline

(This infographic is my opinion and not based on fact. If you would like more information like this I recommend you check out my books, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO and The Texting Bible.)

February 1, 2017

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

What Do You Think? (2,294)

  1. Kelly - 0

    Kelly

    Hi,
    I just need help. I was with my partner for five and a half years. We have two children together. After the birth of our second child he became withdrawn and ultimately broke up with me, and it turns out had another woman. I start to try and pick up the pieces of my life and three months later he wants me back. There is alot of back and forward where he says he’ll do anything, then a few days later says it’s not worth it etc. Anyway the woman he was seeing was married and whilst we were about to get back together the husband commits suicide. He says he can’t cut her off now etc so I tell him to leave me alone then because she’ll always be between us. Anyway time goes by and he wants me back again and this time I agree. But I say he has to cut her off. He made all of these promises about how it would be different and what he wanted to do with me…. Anyway I pretty much forced him to cut contact and when I did he changed. We spent two months ‘trying’. He wouldn’t want to spend any time with me, said my expectations were too high and defended her all the time. I just had a gut feeling it wasn’t over. Anyway just over a week ago he reached out to her again and then he turned completely cold towards me. He says he feels nothing for me, even though two days before he was telling me how much he loves me, and he says he can’t let her go. Is this a rebound still? Or is it just that he really does feel nothing for me? It hurts so much more the second time around.

    Reply
  2. Isabel - 0

    Isabel

    Me and my boyfriend had been dating for almost a year. Although prior to dating he had been trying to win me over for months. We had a good relationship for the first 7 months but then i moved to a different city for school. We still talked everyday and id come home often to see him, but we started fighting quite a bit and i knew the distance was hard on both of us. Everything seemed fine until two weeks before we broke up. We got in a bad fight one day over nothing and i feel that he was going to break up with me that night but couldn’t do it. We hung out that night and we expressed our frustrations with each other and he kept telling me how i was one of the best things that had ever happened to him and how much he loved me and cute stuff while crying. But he also said the distance was so hard and how he was just so sad all the time because he missed me and he wasn’t sure if he could do it anymore with all the other pressures and the fighting. We already had very busy schedules and i knew for the next couple months it would be very hard for us to see each other. I think he let it get to him. We ended up going on a break for a week. He said he needed space. The week after when we talked he seemed cold and distant. We broke up but as cliche as it sounds we agreed to try and be friends again, he said “maybe thats what we need for now” so for the first week we talked on and off. He refused to talk about our relationship. All his friends and family were shocked. Im close with his mom and she had no idea and said it didn’t make sense. The second week we got into a fight and he ended up friend zoning me, and told me to leave him alone. ( Later he apologized to me about this and said that the fight we had, gave him a small breakdown) We went a couple weeks without talking and then i got home and found out he had started talking to another girl we work with. I knew she had liked him before. We ended up talking on the phone one night because he had heard that i had thought he had cheated on me. He quickly dispelled of that rumour, which he’s not the kind of guy to cheat. We talked about our break up finally after a month, and when i asked about the girl and how he had gotten over me so fast his reply was. We started talking about two weeks ago we are just hanging out, and with regards to the getting over part he said, i didn’t. He sounded quite upset during the conversation. I don’t know what to make of it. He had worked so hard to be with me, loved me so much then all of a sudden broke it off and started seeing a new girl 2 weeks later. Everyone is shocked and doesn’t understand. Please help me

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Isabel,

      yeah she’s probably a rebound. Are you going to do no contact rule?

  3. Kyristal - 0

    Kyristal

    Hi Amor,

    My ex and I dated for 2,5 half years. Our relationship was like a ove story, we shared so much things together. He was always telling me he is so comfortable with me, and I am his everyting. We were in distance relationship after 8 months.
    He was living in another country. When his roomie left, he and another his roomie decided to take another roomie. I was not fine with taking a girl roomie, since I am bit jealous. I told this to him when we were together. He told me the girl that they selected as a roomie is not even pretty, and she is just a roomie, so there is no point I was jealous, and I should not worry about that. Somehow, we broke up, I mean he broke up with me and I had to accep it. I never begged him, or told him I love him or miss him after our break up. I dont even like any single pictures of him on social media. We are still friends on social media, all our pictures are on social media, both of us did not delete any single one. He mostly likes my pictures on Instagram, looks at my snaps. I was feeling he was missing me. Soon or later, he was going to write me that he is missing me, and he made a mistake. I was thinking that till I saw the post with the roomie. I guess they are together, I mean I am sure they are together. I know this kind of girls. She seems like low esteem girl and she will go to the guy that is destroed emotionally after the break up. She just moved to his apartment 1,5 months ago, and we broke up 2 months ago. I cannot believe she is totally fine that my ex keeps my pics on instagram, and facebook. I dont know who I am angry at most -him, or her-. I guess I am more angry at her than him. I cannot understand how a woman can do that to another woman. I would never date a guy just broke up with his girlfriend just 2 months ago, and I know that he may be still emotionally attachhed to her.

    Anyway, I dont care actually if they are in rebound, or in a serious relationship, or they are going to marry next week, I just want to know how I can move on while I have to see their posts…

    I cannot delete my ex on my social media. I just cant. I promised myself,, I will handle with this situuation as mature as possible, so deleting him is not mature for me.

    At this point, I need your help Amor. Thanks,

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Kyristal,

      you have to acknowledge, feel and go through the pain.. The process of improving, healing and growing during no contact is actually the same process of moving on..The difference is you dont initiate contact after being silent..You just continue widening your world, improving yourself and healing.. the pain will not go away immediately. You have to be active despite the pain..

  4. Camille Hbln - 0

    Camille Hbln

    Hi Amor,
    My ex and I broke up, December 2016. We’ve been through for 9months I know that we have a serious relationship because his family knows about us and I always sleep with his house. Then our friends told me that start of January this year he’s flirting with someone new. He’s chatting with someone new. But we have still contact. We’re keeping in touch. Everytime I post on facebook. He always reacted about it. And he’s acting so weird. We’re not friend on facebook but he followed me. I think he always updated on me. I think he always checking my profile. Coz everytime I having a new post. He started asked me. Why? What happened to you!? My questions are Do you think he is in a rebound relationship? Is there any chances were getting back together? Lastly, I have confusion about this matter I don’t know if he is accidentally wrong send his message or he has a purpose to do it. WERE NOT TEXTING THAT DAY, BUT IN THE EVENING HE SEND ME A TEXT MESSAGE THAT’S NOT MEANT FOR ME. What’s that? Accidentally or Intentionally?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Camille,

      Why did you break up and what was the text?

    • Camille Hbln - 0

      Camille Hbln

      Amor, he is at militar training that time. For 6 mons we have no communication and sometimes he called me if he’s not busy then at first I initiate break up because I think “he’s changed” and I thought when everytime he always says that “I love you” I felt it just a routinal. For short we think our love it’s just be gone. But before he enter in militar training we’re so in love each other I know that coz I feel it. I don’t know why it’s happening to us. And now, he’s on dating someone new. What should I do? I want him back.

    • Camille Hbln - 0

      Camille Hbln

      The text like “nonsense text.” It’s like this “Are we searching? Just suggest.” He is using android phone. And I ask a lot of my friends, if they accidentally send to someone that it’s not meant for that person. But all of them said “NO” they think my ex is “INTENTIONALLY” wrong send his message to get me hurt or jealous but I don’t think so if it’s true.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      can be a wrong sent message but for now, try the no contact rule and check this too:
      Getting An Army, Military Or Navy Ex Boyfriend Back

  5. Len - 0

    Len

    Hi
    Was wondering if you could help out maybe I was with my partner for 14 and half years very up and down relationship but we loved each other we have a 12 year old daughter who only knows it to be mum and dad all her life. Anyway I split up with him on August 2016 and he begged me to come back but I just wanted him to change anyway late Aug/sept takes herself on boys holiday he’s 38!!! Meets a 25 year old and falls in love didn’t tell me for a while he spent Christmas with her and just forgot about how family he’s also just took her on a amazing holiday. I’m very stubborn haven’t begged or pleaded and have just let him get on with it hoping he will see sense but he seems besotted with her anyway he has just told my daughter about her and that has hurt because I feel that he wouldn’t of done it if he wasn’t serious do you think it’s no longer a rebound or was it ever a rebound
    Thanks len

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Len,

      I think it’s a grass is greener..check this:
      The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends

    • Nicola - 0

      Nicola

      Hi sorry could you explain why you think it’s a grasses greener more than a rebound we had only been split up 4-5 weeks
      Thank you

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      because if they have been together since september, then they’re more serious now..lets say she was a rebound when they started, that he used her to get over you, then his latest actions show that it’s starting to become more than a rebound now because he’s investing more in her.. He saw something great in her before to try it with her that lasted up to now to the point of introducing her to his child..

    • Nicola - 0

      Nicola

      Thank you for reply
      So I shoul just give up thinking they will end soon they are long distance so only see each other 3-4 days a week he seems happy so I will just let them be
      Thanks

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hmm.. why not try to give the other girl a good competition first? Try minimal nc, start imoroving yourself massively and then slowly build rapport after..if it doesn’t work then move on..check this one:
      Get Your Boyfriend Back If You Have A Child Together

    • Nicola - 0

      Nicola

      Thank you
      I have improved a lot I only texts about my daughter I never mention the girl he always texts back straight away I can’t compete with this girl she is 25 and stunning I’m 40 and a mother …..when he is back in our area and on he’s own he always try’s to make small talk by phone but I don’t hear from him when he is with her

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      don’t say that. That’s more of having a low self esteem than just because you’re forty and a mom.. There’s nothing wrong being you..being attractive is not about the age and in being single… It’s a mix of physical looks, personality and character factors.. Being physically beautiful is not just one category too..

  6. tatyanna smith - 0

    tatyanna smith

    my ex boyfriend has been with his girlfriend (his ex before me) for a month. it will be 2 months next month. is it a rebound? he moved on back to her a week after we broke up.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Tatyanna,
      actually it looks more like you were the rebound..

    • tatyanna smith - 0

      tatyanna smith

      yes i know that i was but could she be one too? he was not over me when he got back with her

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Not really.. it can be that he realized he really loved or the grass was greener with her.

  7. Shannon M - 0

    Shannon M

    I was with my ex boyfriend for 13 months, we broke up on new years Eve but spent the night together. We continued to speak but didn’t get back together he told me he still loved me on numerous occasions and that he still missed me but after around 2/3 weeks after the breakup he is already with another girl, they’re not technically in a relationship yet but they’re getting to that point, but only a few days ago he told me that he loved me. Is this a rebound?

    Reply
  8. Elizabeth - 0

    Elizabeth

    So my ex broke up with me 5 months ago and we were together for 6.5 years. We are both about to turn 25. When he broke up with me and was vaguely giving me the reasons for doing so, he told me that he didn’t have anything to offer me since he’s had a little bit of trouble getting a job in our town. Honestly I’m not sure if this really was a reason for our breakup or if he was just ranting to me. So a month later after our breakup, he tells me that he’s already seeing someone else. A month after that he tells me that he’s been spending a lot of time with her with kissing but that they were not an official couple yet. Around Christmas he tells me that she’s his official girlfriend. What i dont understand is if he told me that he didn’t have anything to offer me and is struggling in finding a job, then why would he be with this other girl? Is she just a rebound because he doesn’t want to be alone? Or is he actually serious about her?

    Reply
    • Elizabeth - 0

      Elizabeth

      When he broke up with me he also told me that he didn’t love me anymore.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Elizabeth,

      it looks like he just used that as a break up reason.. did he meet the girl while you’re still together?

    • Elizabeth - 0

      Elizabeth

      He told me that he met her at work and that she was new. I’m not really sure how “new” since I didn’t ask. It’s a possibility that he met her while we were still together.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it can be a grass is greener case

      check the link below.
      The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends

    • Elizabeth - 0

      Elizabeth

      Thank you Amor. It could be the grass is greener syndrome. I have one more question. In another of Chris’s articles, he states that i should try to keep an eye on my ex’s new relationship to see how long it will last. How can I do that though if i dont have a Facebook and my ex blocked my phone number?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      You have to create an account, not just to keep an eye on them but to show your improvements indirectly.. dont add him yet but add mutual friends

    • Elizabeth - 0

      Elizabeth

      Thank you Amor for your advice.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      you’re welcome!

  9. Crystal - 0

    Crystal

    Me and my x bf where together for 6 yrs my daughter thinks of him as her father shes known him since she was two. We just recently broke up few weeks ago last month i had told him i was unfaithful to him. But since we r both recovery alcoholics we decided to take a lil break n come back n restart our relationship so he moved to his moms n i moved to my dads before we did we were intimate n he told me he lived me n not evenna few days after that maybe i wasnt giving hus space hes already talking to another girl n wanting to b serious with her. I dont wanna lose him i nade a mistake i learnt from it i dont wanna lose my family. What can i do? Does he even miss us he had called twice to c how we were doing but he said he cant see us becoming friends cause the girl is getting hurt n he doesnt want to hurt her idk what to do keep fighting for him or what. I mean as of right now things r getting better im bout to find another place very soon moving out of my dads n going back to work i was on sick leave. But i want him back please advice!

    Reply
  10. Adeleye - 0

    Adeleye

    So I just broke up with my first boyfriend of one year. He and I are in our 20’s. He has had many relationships before me. He was totally happy with me, the only problem was that he could not continue to practice abstinence with me. Don’t get me wrong, I think that I would have dumped him a little more down the line simply because our differences. But overall we were very happy. I could be over him but I found out that he was in a relationship less than a week after the breakup. We said that we would text everyday, but a few days after he didn’t seem too eager to get back to me. I made my peace with him being out there getting ass, but him being so quick to get into a relationship really hurts my feelings. He even said it was the longest he was even in a relationship. I haven’t contacted him in almost two weeks (That’s how long we’ve been broken up). I just want to know if I can text him and confront him about moving on so quickly? Also when he is going to realize he still misses me (will it be when he is with that girl)? It pisses me off because it makes me feel like he could erase that year so quickly. I want to be mourned over at least a little. I don’t want him back, I just want to know that he felt some difficulty after the break up. And I think he might have known the girl from before.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Adeleye,

      if it’s for moving on, then go ahead and ask

  11. R - 0

    R

    When my ex bf and I broke up, 5 weeks ago he left it open ended saying maybe we would get back together someday. I went into no contact, began talking again and asked to meet for drinks. He said he couldn’t that day, but when I asked again, said after thinking about it he didn’t think it was a good idea. I asked him to meet to clarify the lack of closure. We met up and he continued the same story. Finally I asked if he was seeing anyone else. He met a girl at a bar 5 days after we broke up and had been on many dates and slept together. They are not officially together but he told me he is seeing what happens with her. I told him it is a rebound relationship and he said he knows. He told me he knows he is dumb and that I am being smart working on myself. I said I am out of his life and not a backup plan for anyone. He admitted to unintentially stringing me along incase he realizes this was a mistake. I am disappointed that I spent this time making myself better while he was off sleeping with someone else instead. I do feel like after talking, even if he realizes his mistake, he will not reach out as I made it clear I don’t deserve this.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi R,

      no self improvement is a waste.. even if you lost him, you still have your better self..

    • R - 0

      R

      I definitely agree. More disappointed that he chose to just ignore dealing with his feelings and masking it with another girl so quickly

  12. Diana - 0

    Diana

    I was with my ex about 4 years and we have a child together. I left in June of 2016, hoping some things would change and he would wake up. So it seemed like over the summer he was trying and he would still come over and stay with me. But 2 months later in August it came out that he had been seeing someone else, and it came out only because she made him tell me and he called me while she was there. I guess she was feeling insecure like he still cared about me and knew he was hiding her still from me.

    After that I freaked out and talked bad about her to him and got really needy calling him and desperately trying to get him back. It seemed to push him away more to her, although he was still flirting with me when she wasn’t around he still was choosing to be with her. It really hurt and I wanted our family back together. So I finally backed off about a month and a half ago and did no contact and if we did talk it was just about our daughter. I’ve also been making positive changes and trying to move on.

    So now he’s mean to me and talks to mean and he wasn’t like that before. I still don’t let it get to me and I just turn it around by being kind. But it’s like he’s now purposely going out of his way to show that he’s with this girl and rub it in. He tells me to hurry and pick up my daughter and won’t drop her off just so I can see her car at his house. If he is supposedly happy with this girl why still try to be so hateful now and I just don’t give a reaction to it because it’s to obvious what he’s doing and I don’t give him satisfaction. But it’s hard dealing with this moodiness and I still secretly wish he’d call and say he made a mistake and want his family back together. Any insight to this situation?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Diana,

      I think you’re right..I think he’s still trying to control you in that way. Trying to see if you will be shaken if he continues to be angry

  13. Cams - 0

    Cams

    Hi!
    Please help me to get back my ex to me. I’m so in love with him. I dumped him last Dec 14, coz I think there’s no spark at all. But after a couple of days, I realized how much I love him, I’ll try to call him. The bad thing I begged him to come back, he was so disgusted and upset to me. I’ll try it for so many times, but it doesn’t work. Until 1 day, I saw this article I started to “No-contact rule.” I follow your advice after having 5 days no contact. He was chatting my sister to say like this, “Please do me a favor to take care of your sister just for me” then I started to chat him again to clarify things on Dec 29 but I think that’s the bad idea I went through he gets angry at me again. Then I continue to chat to begged him. He was so angry that time. He told me “I don’t love you anymore, just stay away from me” I don’t know what to do. I’m a little bit confused. Thank you in advance. Have a good day!❤

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Cams,

      don’t beg.. This time, restart the no contact rule. Do 30 days, start a new routine that you will continue even after 30 days while rebuilding rapport and improve massively

  14. Jays - 0

    Jays

    Hello!
    I was with my boyfriend for two years. Shortly after our 2nd anniversary he decided to move away. I live in Europe and he’s in Asia now. (For work to get his career started and he also has a part of his family there. ) Before he left we promised each other that we will be strong and get through our long distance relationship until I finish uni and he’s established his living and work career. That then we will decide what will be the next step. He also said that if we get through this, we will get married and that he knows what he wants from life. But after he moved away he became little distant saying he’s been stressed and busy because his work stuff wasn’t working out as they were supposed. I was upset a we argued.

    Then one day he broke up with me saying I should move on and that this long distance is not working out. It’s been about month or so. I found out that he is probably seeing someone else and he’s posting stuff like love songs or quotes on his social accounts. (He doesn’t know I can see that) He said to me that they’re not together few times when I mentioned it. But I think they are. He just want to doesn’t to say so. I sent him a gift for Christmas. It was a bracelet. And when I asked him if he will send it back after our breakup, he said NO, that he will wear it. We’ve been texting every once in a while.

    He liked my photos na facebook. We talked what’s new and how his work and life is going. He said that everything sucks. I don’t know. One dayI feel like he still cares about me but then my friends tell me about this other girl. I feel so hurt that he found someone else and he’s so open about it on social media. I dont know what to think or do. Do you think we still have a chance of ever getting back together? I don’t mean now but in maybe in future. I still love him very much. Do you think that I should try to get him back? Or does it seem like he really love that girl and we don’t have a chance?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jays,

      she’s more likely a rebound.. Why not try doing the no contact rule first

    • Jays - 0

      Jays

      I’m on 6th day of NC. For how long do you think I should do NC?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      at least 30 days.. be productive too and active in posting..

    • Jays - 0

      Jays

      It seems like she belongs to his new group of friends. And that they are getting closer to each other. I feel kind of discouraged. He’s kind of really affectionate towards her on social media. He wasn’t like that with me. Do you think I still have a chance? Should I continue with the plan or just move on?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      continue on with the plan first..if it doesn’t work out, then that’s when you move on..

  15. Gee - 0

    Gee

    Hi Ex Boyfriend Recovery Team!!

    I really learned a lot on your site. I just bothered with my ex’s actions. Here’s the thing it was a year when me & my ex for 5 years broke up. He cheated on me but i know to myself that im still into him. Since the break up he already dating 2 other girls. First is the reason why we broke up second is his new girlfriend but in between these 2 relationships we also dated unofficially.. We didn’t work out because he don’t want to commit to me and he tell me that he still need a time for himself. And after a days or week of not contacting me I seen him posting on social media that he was so in love with his new girlfriend. I’m really shock cause he never tell anything about this girl but I can’t do anything cause we are not official. The only thing I can do is to accept the fact that he have a new girlfriend.

    We still have a communication cause his work is related to mine but we never talk about our personal issue. But sometimes I feel that he making excuses to talk to me because his workmate was really the one who need to contact me. Am I overthinking? Is this new relationship a rebound? Is it really easy for a guy to forget a 5 years relationship? Hope you can help me. Thank you in advance..

    Reply
  16. Mary - 0

    Mary

    My ex and I dated for 2.5 we had gone through so much more than any normal couple goes through in 2.5 years, but in the end of our relationship we were fighting horrible and taking short breaks from each other in the end of October 2016 and shortly I broke up with him on November 15 2016 he tried contacting me for awhile after the break up but I didn’t answer him, I figured he would come back to me and we’d be okay but its been a month and a half and we haven’t spoke since. He has had a new gf since December 1 2016 so like 2 weeks after the break up he got with this new girl. He has also deleted me off of all social media and I tried the whole no contact rule but it didn’t work out I would blow up his phone up saying I was wrong for leaving him and would never get a response from him. I messaged him on December 23 2016 and finally got a response which ended with him saying he wanted nothing to do with me… and I haven’t had any contact with him since… I want to get back with him but I feel its already too late. He has this new girlfriend and said he wants nothing to do with me. If you have any advice for me on trying to get him back or even if you think theres a chance let me know!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Mary,

      there’s a small chance, especially that you chased him after knowing he has a gf..any attempt sooner will look like chasing too..realistically you’re best chance is to try at least 45 days nc and massively improve, move on without fully moving on. So, that when you initiate contact he would take a chance on being friends because he knows you’ve moved on

  17. Kate - 0

    Kate

    Hello,

    Me and my ex dated on and off for five yrs during college. We broke up and remained in contact for another 5 yrs. He always would tell me how he wanted me back and wanted a second chance. Last year I gave it to him, we talked long distance for 6 months then he moved to China (where I was living at the time) to be with me. Immediately things went south. We fought ALOT. A month and a half of him being there I found out I’m pregnant. We moved back to my hometown (which he was against) and in with my father. After about two months of fighting, he told me he wasn’t in love with me anymore. I found out that really he has met someone else at his job. I confronted the girl, but that did not stop them from presueing the relationship. I cried and begged him to reconsider for about a month. Then I blocked him. I only see him during Dr’s visits or it something wrong and I have to go to the hospital. He calls me every three or four days to check on me and the baby, but that’s it. I don’t know if this rebound relationship stems out of his fear of life changing, if I should look for him to come back to our family once the baby is born. If I should cut him off (because he says he wants to be involved with the baby) just not me. Last month he told me that he loves her and they went on a vacation for New Years. Some advise would be nice.

    Reply
  18. Daisy - 0

    Daisy

    Dear EBR team,
    I have been in a LDR for 1,5 yrs and he broke up with me 1 month ago. The reason he gave me was that he cannot imagine a future with me anymore. As heartbroken as I am, I set up an NC trying to cope with it as well as I possibly can – and it does help, I feel I can finally move forward with positivity. I am discovering myself, have forgiven myself, him and the relationship. Now, I am not sure I actually want him back though but he messaged me a few times and I am not sure how to deal with it. I know (from different) sources he is in a rebound relationship right now – a girl who is the complete opposite of myself. Of course it affected me emotionally but I have no right to say anything and I seem to have accepted it that he is dealing with the breakup in a different way. Overall, I am okay with it.
    But still, he sends me those ambigous messages saying he really wants us to be friends. I am clearly not ready to be friendzoned, I have set my value and worth too high to be degraded by him as a “backup”. I will be ready at some time because I value him as a person but he has lost a great extent of respect and trust from me due to this rebound relationship. Is this normal? Can we possibly be friends or even lovers again if I feel like this?

    Thanks for your help! Best regards, Daisy

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Daisy,

      Yeah, over time. But I like that you know your standards. Stick to it. Move on for now. Later on, when you’ve healed, improved, have your own life and grown, that would be a better time in life to be friends again.

  19. Emma - 0

    Emma

    My ex boyfriend and I recently broke up last December. I found out that he cheated on me. When I confronted him, he told me that he doesnt love me anymore and the girl who he cheated with was way better than me. He barely know her. She was a thousand miles away from and they only met through organization meetings which by the way will likely end this summer. After a week, he still texted me that he missed me and sometimes wanted me to sleep in his house. He wanted to have lunch or dinner with me. I asked him, “What is she(new girl) to you really?” And then he told me she was nothing to him. When he wants to hve dinner I am always there for him. But then one day I got fed up. I got fed up that he texts me if he wants to see me but then he is still pursuing the new girl. So I told the new girl about my ex still texting me and saying this things. My ex was very angry at me and cursed me a lot. After the heated conversations with him through the phone he told me that he loves her. He unfriended me in facebook and posted a pic with his new girl. His friends reaction were like are you sure about this. They were shocked. And these events happened in a short span of 3weeks. From the time we broke up until the time that he and his new girl became official was in a span of 3weeks. They are in a long distance relationship and as I can remember my ex told me when we were still together that he doesnt believe that a long distance relationship can work. Is his relationship with the girl just a rebound? We were together for 2years and 6months.

    Reply
  20. Alice - 0

    Alice

    I know this is from the other angle, but basically he cheated on his girlfriend of a year and a half with me, ended things straight away with her but we continued seeing each other. Though I have seen recently that they’ve been in contact with eachother, am I the rebound girl?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Alice,

      nope, you’re more like the grass is greener case for him..

  21. Alexis - 0

    Alexis

    Hi! I’ve been in a relationship with my ex for two years, we were engaged and everything! He broke it off three weeks ago, because he wanted to be alone. A week later, he’s with another girl. This was a girl he dated before, but it didn’t work out. Anyways, I was desperate the first week, begged for him back. I’ve been in NC for two weeks. Today, I tried getting ahold him, so I could get my things that were still at his place. His girlfriend didn’t hesitate to message back and say they were happy, and to leave them alone. I wasn’t even trying to bother. Now, I see posts of them saying how happy they are and how their relationship is going to last forever! I’m crushed, and I need help. Do I block both of them on everything, so I don’t have to see that? But if I do, will he forget about me? And do your think there’s a possibility he would ever come back?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Alexis,

      if they were talking to each other before the break up, then that means it’s a grass is greener case.. Two weeks is too short, espcially that is after you begged and chased.. so, naturally they would think it’s another one of your tactic when you asked for your things.. So, if you are going to restart the count, do 45 days.. If they just talked after the break up, she’s probably a rebound, you have a higher chance

  22. Carol - 0

    Carol

    My husband was on 15 sex sites, I found out and ended the relationship. We were friendly, went shopping etc as I live in a rural area and didnt drive. I told him to go find someone else as I could not give second chances. Within 2 weeks he had and was in ‘love’ left the country with her and turned nasty with me. So I have 5 dogs, a disabled teen with no family or friends. He is very mean, childish, angry would be a good discription then the next moment he is charming. I have tried to be nice and polite about it (even choosing the christmas gifts for him and the gf from my son.) But this Christmas my son cried when his dad told he cant see him until end of Feb because of cost. He is in the UK and I am in Ireland and he earns about 800 a week so that’s a fib. I lost my cool and for the first time told him to do one!!! His reply was to say I am not the person he thought I was lol. I am slightly different on here because I dont want him back, have learned to drive, moved house, retrained and learning to play golf. I just dont understand why he cant be nicer, help out a bit, give ms a break but its as if he has to have some sort of control still. I think I will give up trying to have an amicable relationahip. It is a shame after 20 years. The other thing is he has changed lol he shoplifted last time my son and I were with him and he rang the new gf to laugh about it, i was mortified!

    Reply
  23. Naf - 0

    Naf

    After 8 months of our relationship and visiting my boyfriend in his country ,i asked him to let me to come to his country and live together but he said i dont like the time we spend in bed and your touch wasnt good(Im 30 and it was my first experience and it was just 1 night) then we had argue. After NC for a month,he wasnt the beginner for sending me message every day but when i start we spent a good time .some times he mentioned a part of my body that he misses then when i say lets talk in Skype ,he changed the subject .He has doubt whether being close to me or not.Yesterday when i said as a gift for new year lets talk by skype,he said he is starting new relationship for 3weeks with whom lives in his country (which i know it started while i was on NC) he said he wants to forget me and if he comes to skype ,he cant.He said you attract me but the bed wasnt good and he wants to focus in his new relationship to know her better and by seeing me he miss me and turn on and he doesnt want.We can be friends to practice language (which we did before) but not by skype.
    Isnt it strange that he forces himself to get in a new relationship to forget me? and is there any chance to get him back? How?

    Reply
  24. Ashley - 0

    Ashley

    My ex we have dated since October 28 2013. A month after I had my baby that isn’t hers since she is a female My parents didn’t like that I was with a female so me and my ex decided to move in together. We lived together for two years and during those two years it was good and bad. A lot of arguments later on in the relationship. We just didn’t feel happy. Then I decided to break up because he would give me signs of not wanting to try. My ex was more interested in doing her own thing and her friends. I still kept contact and we see eachother pretty often but she will make it seem like I wasn’t important anymore. So I tried moving on. After she found out her roommates were going to leave without paying rent I rushed over to be with her and help her come up with a plan for her. (Note: we still saw eachother during this time) later on she started to come back to me. But I was slowly moving on by talking to other guys. It didn’t work out though but I felt that I didn’t want my ex to come back if it was just because she lost everything. I wanted her to come back because she wanted a change. (By now it’s about three months into us being broken up when all that happened) she help me get a job at her work and a guy there always flirts with me. She would get jealous and upset at me but I told her I can’t control how someone is towards me. She asked me back multiple times but I kept telling her that I wasn’t afraid and I don’t know. I never gave her a no but I never said yes. But throughout the next 3 months after(about6 months afternoon he break up) she would sleep over at my place. We would have heart breaking conversation about us. I just didn’t want to I talk about us because I didn’t know where I was going with it. I tried to be a bit distant and give her space. SHe would always be there with me during work and we would bicker like a married couple. But we were always together also laughing, Getting eachother drinks and making sure that if one person didn’t have food, I would buy her food and myself. I know I kept pushing her away but I never stopped caring. Then I guess I was busy keeping myself distractedly and busy we slowly stop texting but we would see eachother and talk while going to work and back. (About 11 months from break up) we hangout every now and then but not as often but we still talk like it’s great. She is still trying to be with me and I keep hesitating. Finally on the day that we broke up one year ago she asked me out again. I didn’t I know what says. I mean I wanted to but I didn’t know if I should because I was afraid that the arguing would still be there because we would bicker even when we werent even dating. We both were still jealous if someone were I talk to the other person. But then She asked me around the 20th what we were. I didn’t have an answer for her and asked why and if she was seeing someone else. She said they are talking but he doesn’t know what they are yet. I was scared so I thought I should try but i was so busy the next day I barely had time to talk to her. I asked her to get rid of the other girl because that girl was the one who he left for me. They never dated. And my ex said they she wanted me not the other girl. I tried the day after but she a started ignoring me. It lead up to three days. She didn’t contact me until Christmas. She would come pick me up to go to her family’s Christmas party and she didn’t want my to talk all about us. So while we were there I asked her to be okay with kissing me and holding my hand and being touchy with me. SHe agreed. But those three days before i have been texting her those past three days and being depressed because I was a scared to lose her. And she ignored me. I thought to let her go because I loved her still. But when we went back to work. I couldn’t help but to begg her for another chance. After declining a few times she finally said yes. But it didn’t feel right. I was a bit happier but unsure if this was fake. We kissed and held hands and I tried to do sweet things. She smiled and said I was cute but she was holding back. We had breakfast because I asked and she agreed. After that she hasn’t responded to me until yesterday. SHe always said she is busy but never explaining but we all know why. I tried to research everything and found out I was so making a mistake. This isn’t the right to way too get her back. So I wrote a message that said I loved her and my daughter loves her and she will always have a place in our hearts. I will respect her choice and let her go but for her to know that our little family bond is stronger than what she think her and the other girl has. I told her when she is ready that maybe door will always be open for her but not meaning I will wait. I was going to get myself straight and work on me. And when she realizes it then she can come meet me to restart. I also said that our friends had broken up and dated other people and gotten back together so there couldn’t be hope for us too. Then the last thing I said be for it went into the no contact I said “If one day you decide to love me again, I will love you the right way and won’t let you go. But until then I’ll be patient and I’ll be here for you. I wish you to be happy and I’m sorry I was too late.” two days later she finally replied thanking me for understanding and she doesn’t really have anything to say. SHe wants to be In my daughters life if I allow it and she is sorry she couldn’t don’t give me her love to me right now and she want she me and my daughter to be happy with or without her. I didn’t respond. Few hours later I see that she isn’t in a relationship(on facebook) with that girl and five hours later she sent me three photos of my and my daughter when we use to live together. We still can see each others post. I still didn’t respond. But what Im nervous about is, I’m sure she is in a rebound relationship right? YEs we broke up for about a year but we never completely detached from eachother until just those days she started to ignore me. So with her in a relationship already isn’t this a forsure rebound even though she told me she likes the other girl a lot. She said to me before when I wasn’t begging her back that she doesn’t know now what they are yet and that she wasn’t ready for relationship. But how could she asked me out Just 9 days before she told be she was talking to someone else? I believe I should leave it alone and let it run it’s course but what are my chances? I know sooner or later I will be okay but this is the beginning and I still can’t get my mind off of it. I know I hurt her feelings by pushing her away but is she really over with me? We’ve been even together for about three years now even counting the year we broke up(which IT didn’t really seem like it)

    Reply
  25. Gillian - 0

    Gillian

    Hi, thank you so much for replying to my comment. I guess I figure that if he IS in a rebound relationship, that he still has feelings for me, and might want to try again. I am the one who left him so he doesn’t know how I feel right now. I know he had talked to her before the breakup, they were friends, but he said he wasn’t interested in anyone else (I didn’t directly ask, just told him if there was someone else that that was fine). So I am not even sure how this ame about. Regardless, I I am just wondering if I should talk to him about this since he doesn’t know how I feel. Does getting an ex BACK from a rebound relationship ever work?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      If she is a rebound, the more you improve, the more he will miss you because the other person doesn’t really compare..but honestly for me, it looks more like he may be just using her because he didnt like the way your relationship was too fast but if you talk and ask for him back, it’s chasing already.. If he wants to take things slow then you chasing is contradictory to that..he has to see you understood, and now you’re focusing in your own life because you’re not a doormat.. You’re not going to just accept him.. After nc, you have to slowly build rapport and since he has a gf, it has to be really slow and you have to be careful not to appear like you’re really trying to break them apart..

      But if the real reason was that he found her better when you were being needy, then it still goes back to imoroving yourself but he has to see that you’re independent and that once you’ve reconnected you’re just being friendly

  26. Gillian - 0

    Gillian

    Hi! Alright, so I have a confusing dilemma. I reconnected with an old friend from high school after not speaking for 8 years. He and I had always had a strong “thing” for each other in high school, and after texting for a few weeks we went on a date. We had great chemistry and began an emotionally intense dating relationship. Everything was wonderful for about a month, albeit a little rushed (he gave me a housekey after 3 weeks) and we were talking a lot about the future. We were completely in sync. One night I asked whether I was his girlfriend and he said yes. But then inexplicably and virtually overnight he became distant. Stopped texting as much, stopped initiating contact and making plans, went the entire weekend not asking to see me. I was heartbroken and felt like I was becoming needy. After ditching dinner plans with me one night (that I initiated), I broke up with him 3 days later in a desperate bid for self preservation. When I asked if that was what he wanted, he said he wished we could have discussed it first, said things had been too rushed but then said he really didn’t want me out of his life. He seemed somewhat anxious and upset by the breakup, more than I thought he would be. He said there was no one else. I asked what he wanted and he said he didn’t know. He did mention he wanted us to keep talking. So I left him. Our breakup was sweet, amicable, even weirdly affectionate.

    3 days later I texted him something lighthearted and funny. No response. I tried again by asking if he wanted his key back. Nothing. I was so confused. I found out on Thanksgiving he was dating someone new, a girl he had already been friends with, and she had already been to Thanksgiving dinner to meet his family. I’m shocked and confused and angry. He moved on within DAYS of me leaving him. A close male friend of his said he had REALLY liked me, too, so I’m incredibly hurt. Is there a chance this is a rebound?

    I want to know whether to message him again to try and fix this. It’s been well over a month with no contact, roughly 6 weeks. I unfriended him on social media bc I couldn’t tolerate seeing pics of him with this new girl. I have so many unanswered questions and I want to know how he feels about us, about trying again. Should I attempt to reach out again? Is there a chance this is just a rebound? It hurts tremendously.

    Thanks for listening
    Gillian

    Reply
  27. Sally - 0

    Sally

    Hi – So this is my second, uh, third time around here with the same guy. Clearly, your techniques work! Let’s just say I have a complicated and ornery ex…

    Anyway, I’m back because I would like your thoughts on our third break-up. My ex, we’ll call him T, and I have been together for 2 years. I am divorced with one child and T is legally separated with two children. In the beginning, after one wonderful month of dating, he broke up with me because he wasn’t ready to commit his whole heart to me.

    As a side note: I do wish I had met him a bit later, as it seems issues with grieving the loss of being able to give his children the traditional family home continues to crop up as a theme throughout each of our break-ups. It had only been a year after his separation when we first started dating.

    Anyway, we got back together readily one month after our first break-up – thanks to your teachings and the 30 day NC! I honestly never really counted that break-up, as it was so incredibly early in our journey. However, after seven wonderful, very happy, and in love months, he randomly decided to break up with me again! Just as we were starting to get deeper in our relationship. This time he cited feelings that things weren’t “perfect” between us. He later told me when we got back together he had a difficult time imagining how we would merge our families into one home seamlessly and thus chose to take the easy way out and just break it off.

    During that second break-up, I was crushed and went into NC for nearly 4 months. Well, you guessed it, we inevitably got back together again after reinitiating contact. Even moved in together! Everything was nearly perfect. We were very happy and more in love than ever! I did have a few issues with trust given the break-ups, but we worked through them together as they came up and I did not feel there were any lingering problems. The kids transitioned insanely well and we have all become quite close. We were the perfect, happy, blended family of my dreams!!

    In fact, we all fit together so well that I feel this started to cause tension with T’s “ex” wife, to whom he is still only legally separated from. My gut tells me that she started to feel jealous of my close relationship with her children, and how happy T and I were. As a mother myself whose son has a step-mother, I was very careful not to step on toes and made sure to be sensitive that I was not their mother. Nonetheless, I still think this started to bother her over time. In fact, even when it was her weekend with the kids, the kids regularly requested to come over to our house to spend time with their dad and I. Something that never happened vice versa…

    Anyway, unbeknownst to me, about two months ago, T’s ex-wife had a messy split with her bf and a few weeks later ended up contacting T – on the rebound – to ask him if he wanted to try again with their marriage. What?! So disrespectful of her, in my mind!

    Moreover, her contacting him with this proposal to get back together was totally and completely out of the blue. In other words, it did not come about after weeks of them starting to talk more and actually develop interest. T rarely talked to her and when he did it was only ever about the kids. I feel pretty confident that T was not and is not in love with her in the least. There is no way that she could be in love with him, as they have had basically a neutral and co-parenting only relationship for the last two years at least.

    Well, T (being a guy) didn’t see anything wrong with her bring this up despite him being happy in his relationship with his live-in girlfriend. He thought about it for a few weeks without talking to me (which he says now he deeply regrets). Ultimately, he came to the decision that we should break up so that he could give it one last shot at reconciling the marriage “for the kids”.

    I think as an added motive, T did not much like having these random sketchy men his ex-wife was dating around the kids, thus, getting back seemed like a simple and effective solution to him.

    He completely blindsided me with the break up speech last week. The kids were shock as well.

    I do think I understand his motives (even though I wholeheartedly disagree). He wants to protect his kids. He has said about where he sees it going: “I know I will never love her as much as I love you, because I never have. Our relationship is so much better than even the best times I had with her. But I have to do this for my kids.”

    I am left devastated. I spent the last week gathering up my shattered emotions, packing my things, and moving out. T and his ex are planning to start by going to a marriage counsellor. I feel like he will try this, see that he doesn’t love her any longer or that they are not compatible (they’ve been separated for 3 years now) or that he flat out despises her presence, and that he will very likely come back to me.

    Honestly? I do believe with everything in me that we will be together again. I’m a jerk, I know, but for some reason I believe that. I think this is the final thing he has to do to clear his conscience in order to finalize his divorce once and for all and then fully commit to me.

    I guess, I just wanted to get your thoughts. We were so love. And even through the break-up process, he has stepped up to take care of me every step of the way to try to buffer my pain, as I have been packing and moving out. He told me repeatedly how much he was hurting and regretted his decision even before the words ‘I want to break up’ came out of his mouth. I don’t know.

    We’ve ended on great terms. I fought it initially, but have since just allowed him the freedom to go. We just finished moving all my stuff out of the house yesterday, so as of today, he is in Day 1 of NC….again for the 3rd time! Part of me thinks he is going to figure out this little game eventually! He has already texted me at 5:00am this morning to remind me of something trivial, which I thought was very odd, as he never gets up that early. Humph. #ignore

    In the meantime, I have big plans of bettering myself even more yet again. Last time I worked on physical appearance, this time I’m tackling getting rid of the last of my debt once and for all. Then possibly opening my own private practice.

    I won’t wait for him, that’s for sure. I jokingly told him while we were packing my things at the house that he would need to show up with divorce papers and a ring for me to even consider seeing him again. I guess I wasn’t really joking that much.

    So, yes, I have hope that we can and will get past this little ex-wife interference to come back together and be a happy little family again at some point in the future. And goodness, this time forever… What are your thoughts on this? Any insight to share? Reactions? How long should I keep him in NC, given that last time I kept him there for 4 months…? My thought was to start with 30 days and not rush anything. If it felt right to continue NC longer, then I would do it.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sally,

      If it’s really just the kids, and if you don’t chase him and keep improving, there’s a chance he will want to get back but if that happens, you have to lay down the conditionals because if you take him back easily, he will repeat the same pattern of being wishy washy or on and off with you.

  28. Kat - 0

    Kat

    Alright so, I initiated taking a break from my ex at the beginning of the summer. I didn’t feel like myself and felt really claustrophobic. I admit, I made mistakes and hurt his feelings. I left for a couple of weeks after proposing that I wanted a break and I contacted him on and off while I was gone to check in on him because I knew how he can get severely depressed. When I had returned I met up with him to talk about it. He said he found another girl and that breaking up was the best idea. I was very confused and hurt, but decided since I wanted the break that I could respect his decision. I later heard through mutual friends that he was drinking heavily and talking about me repeatedly when he was with his friends.
    I knew the girl and I felt like he may have moved on a little too fast to not be considered a rebound. I also was aware that he probably was seeking her out while I was trying to talk to him about taking a break. I don’t know what happened with their relationship after that because I stopped talking to him for 2 months. When I did contact him I made the mistake of drunk texting him. Certain things triggered me to text him. I asked how he was and he said he was doing good. I got angry and threw a temper tantrum and said things I didn’t mean. I didn’t text him in the morning because I was at a loss of words for my behavior. After a month of trying to repress what had happened I reached out and apologized for my behavior and wished him the best of luck. He said he really appreciated to hear that from me.
    I’m not exactly sure how to handle this since I am the one usually broken up with. I just go about my business and assume he’ll text me when he wants too. But I keep forgetting that I initiated the break and he probably was hurt badly from it. I don’t know what to say or do to get him back since he is with a different girl. I was his first love and we dated for a 1.5 years. I find rebounds hard to deal with so I stick to myself. I’m not exactly sure how he’s doing since he always seemed to push his true feelings aside especially if something traumatic happened. He’s stubborn and I know I broke up with him, but I hope he contacts me soon.
    Any chance this girl is only a rebound?

    Reply
  29. Andrea - 0

    Andrea

    Hi, my ex and dated really briefly about 3 months to be exact. I’ll admit I didn’t give him much off a chase but nevertheless I did develop feelings for him. Towards the end we fought so much, he broke up with me. How ever the next day he was already with someone else. He made it public on Facebook and everything it hurt cause he never did that for me. I know I had an impact on him and meant something to him. But is there a chance that I can get him to miss me. So this relationship of his something serious? Please help.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI ANdrea,

      where did he meet the girl? When they did start talking? Do you want to try the no contact rule?

  30. Azemina - 0

    Azemina

    My ex and I were together for almost 3 years. We had a very good intense loving relationship. We were very loving to each other always affectionate and loving towards each other’s kids. He was always telling me how in love he was with me, that he never felt so good, loved or cared for, that I was the love of his life and etc. We had a few bumps in the road in 3 years but we really didn’t fight. He has an ex wife who is very vindictive and does things just to get under people’s skin. She actually was barely around when we first met and was only a mom when she wanted to be. She would purposely do things that she knew would upset him and has always used the kids as a ploy. After 2 years we moved in together and then she decided she wanted to be a mom so she started doing things which I know we’re to get in the middle of our relationship. Now he is scared to put his foot down with her with a lot of things bc she is bat shit crazy. She cares about Noone but herself not even her 2 kids.
    Anyway after dealing with her crap for so long she did something one day that interrupted our plans once again and I was just fed up. He doesn’t put his foot down where it needs to be and I just couldn’t take it anymore. I ended up telling him I was done and I said some VERY hurtful things to him. For the first 3 days he was saying he didn’t want us to end and etc but I was being stubborn and pushed him away. After that I realized I was over reacting and decided I didn’t want to be done. By then he had changed his mind, said we can’t be together bc of what I said he can’t forgive and get past and etc. We lived together and I stayed in the house for 1 month but it was just to hard so I decided to leave. I had not moved my stuff out yet. In beginning of oct I found out he was dating someone. I confronted him about it and he said that it started after I left the house and that that had been dating couple week and that i shoulsnt have said what i didetc. I ended up getting some closure from him the beginning of October right after that, at some points he was VERY nasty to me, told me that I hurt him deeply with what he said that you don’t say that to someone who has been cheated on a lot ( by exes) and that he can’t get past what I said. Then always Then he changed it a little bit said he should have handled things differently with his ex and that he turned something really nice into this and all this other stuff. Then he was saying that I treated him badly the last few months of our relationship ( I knew this was a lie) I finally moved my stuff ( couches, bed etc) out Nov 5th. That very night he put himself on Facebook as in a relationship. That next morning he messaged me saying that he read our letters ( my daughter and i wrote letters to his 2 girls, and each wrote one to him, the one to him for me was just a thank you letter with no feelings) anyway said the letters made him cry and that we will always be in their hearts and that sorry he can’t get past the words I said to see my true feelings he thought I resented him and hated him) for him and the girls. That he misses me and my daughter alot and I am and always will be the love of his life and I’m a wondeful woman and he hopes I find what I deserve. Mind you before this message and I moved my stuff out in about 1 1/2 weeks time he had sent me other messgaes telling me I’m wondeful and amazing he hopes I find what I deserve and looking for and find happiness and etc..
    When I looked back to see when he started this new relationship it was like a month after we broke up and about 1-2 weeks after I left the house. This is also his best friends niece. She is opposite of me in a lot of ways and they don’t make sense in a lot of ways one of the big reasons is she wants kids and he can’t have anymore. Plus a bunch of other things just don’t make sense. She is also not very attractive at all.
    Can you tell me based off all his up and down behavior, feelings messgaes and time frame of how this new relationship stated. Is she a rebound? They have also been together about 2 1/2 months now. It started a month after we broke up and about 2 weeks after I left the house and no this is not something that started before hand

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Azemina,

      it looks more like a grass is greener case.. check this:
      The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends

    • Azemina - 0

      Azemina

      Ok so I read the GIGS. I can tell.you right now I set the bar really high in our relationship. Even up to the day we broke up he was always telling me how wonderful I am and how good i was to him I also know there is a 2nd high bar for the way I was to his kids.
      Being that this is GIGS can the girl he is currently with still be a rebound?
      I know she cannot hold a candle to me in any way. I actually know this girl and he disnt even like out kids around her family much bc of how crazy they get. This is also another reason why their relationship makes no sense.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      If it’s a rebound, more likeky he will realize later on that you’re still better because rebounds are used to get over somebody, but the longer their relationship goes, the less chance he would leave her

      If it’s gigs, it cant be a rebound because that means he sees something better in her..so, even if you’re different from her, there is something about her that makes him think he would be happier with her..

    • Azemina - 0

      Azemina

      I do not think he thinks she is better in any way. He was still sending me messages about how great I am and telling me I am the love of his life he is a very broken man and has VERY low self esteem and I guarantee she threw herself at him and he went for it bc it made him feel good. They have way different view points on big things and want different things and I have been around her since she is family of a friend and he never even wanted our 3 girls around her or others with the way they act, way the drink and etc. There was numerous occasions we left parties bc of that reason and she was part of that.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      That’s good.. That sounds like she is rebound.. If you want him back, the best you can do on your part is not give him benefits of a boyfriend.. And if he tells you he loves, ask him why is he still with the other girl if he’s telling the truth

  31. Alanna - 0

    Alanna

    My ex and I broke up on the 31st of August after dating for a year. On the 12th of November he blocked me on everything out of the blue and is now seeing one of his friends ex’s. He went to high school with her and she lives five minutes down the road from him. They only ever spoke occassionally while him and I were dating and it was only ever about her relationship with his friend. I don’t know whether it’s a rebound because it happened two months post breakup or if it’s somethjng more because he’s hiding it from not just me but everyone and the two of them have always known eachother…I really miss him and want him back but I’m scared it’s too late, what should I do??

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Alanna,

      did you keep talking to him after the break up? if you did, do you want to do the no contact rule? if you did the no contact rule, how did you do it? How much did you improve?

  32. bri - 0

    bri

    We split up on fathers day and he was with his ex the next day.. He was distant all that weekend when we had both agreed that Thursday that we were doing so well again after having our duaghter, he went back and forth since June until october. We’re now going through court but I can’t help but think he still has feelings for me, they just got approved for a house and he rubbed that in my face and they’re all so talking about marriage and he does tell me she’s the love of his life but their lives are focused around mine, the relationship I have with our daughter and how they plan to take control of that, she is always involved with our child and has been ever since the second week of them dating again, before us they dated for a year then we got together almost five months after.. I can’t help but think he’s rushing his whole life too fast and I don’t want to watch it fall apart for him.. But she’s always so jealous of his and my relationship always try to break us farther and farther apart, I fought for him for months.. I just need advice please..

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Bri,

      Why would he make things complicated? If he loves you, then why not just go back to you? Are you chasing him? Because what if all they want is for your ex to have a relationship with your child and for you to move on?

  33. Alyssa - 0

    Alyssa

    I need answers, please. My world has collapsed. My boyfriend, of almost three years, and I broke up in August. We had a fight over spending time with one another. I thought we could use a break, some time apart. I never stopped loving him.

    After about two months, he reaches out and we start texting and calling each other again. I was under the impression we were patching things up.

    I had been frustrated not knowing what we were and what the status of our relationship is. One day he comes over and starts to talk things over. He starts by saying I shouldn’t be so anxious and that he’s just going through a tough time with work and all.

    We start to get intimate, but right before we do, he pulls away saying he’s seeing someone else. This devastated me and blew my mind.

    We had a long talk where he described everything–how they met, how long they were seeing each other. Apparently, they started just DAYS after we broke up. And they slept with each other.

    He said he needed to break things off with her first before we restarted anything.

    Ok, he wants to do good by her, but I felt horrible in that he actually rejected me.

    He actually seems to be sending mixed signals. On one hand, he apologized and said he was weak–he was stressed with work, family, and his health. She offered comfort.

    He said it was a mistake… but on the other hand he doesn’t hurting me and is aware of the fights we had in the past. Plus, he obviously has strong feelinglys for this woman if he seems reluctant to leave her and is suggesting maybe we move on.

    He said he would break it with her. I haven’t brought up the subject since (three days ago) but he continues to call and text me like usual.

    I am waiting for his response. I know sooner or later I should confront him, but I don’t want to be too forceful or seem needy.

    This situation totally sucks. I’m in a position where he could potentially choose her over me, leaving me rejected. How should I proceed and how can I boost my chances of getting my man back?!

    Reply
    • Alyssa - 0

      Alyssa

      I am struggling to understand what he is thinking.

      How deep is their relationship?

      Why even tell me about her if your relationship with her means anything? Why not just avoid contacting me and move on?

      What do I do from here?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Alyssa,

      even if you didn’t talk before, do you want to try the no contact rule now? You should check this too:
      The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends

    • Alyssa - 0

      Alyssa

      I’m just angry and in disbelief that there’s another woman already and that he would choose her over me.

      I’ve done no contact before, particularly during this breakup we just had. I was hoping it would work–maybe it did because it got him talking to me again, but still, while he was talking to me, he was seeing her (and still is).

      I know no contact is probably best for this situation too, it I’m afraid of losing him. I’m afraid of losing my attraction over him. I’m afraid he really will hang on to her a bit tighter.

      Am I at disadvantage on GIGS? We have a history, but it had its share of fights and breaks. Maybe he’s tired of all that and wants something new? How do I, and others like me, overcome this and not let it dampen our chances of getting our exes back?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Actually the memories are your edge, but if he only remembers the bad one then that’s more reason to aim to be the ungettable girl..because he has to see that you’re not the old you anymore

  34. Markus - 0

    Markus

    Hi, i need some advices please. I had a long distance relationship with my ex, for one year and half. One month and half ago she was looking for work near me to be more close, and one of the last days she was with me we had a discussion and i said her she’s good at nothing. I’m so sorry, i had other problems and i got angry with her for stupid reasons, i didn’t mean it. She felt bad and we talked less and more far. After 2 weeks she began to chat with another man and after another week she said she want to be only a friend to me. I didn’t expect it and i ran to her to fix it, she behaved like she was undecided (we kissed, hugged, and get more physical) but she couldn’t decide. After one day an half of this, i was exausted because in some moment we were happy, and the moment after not and when i said “do you want to left me?” she cried, and on the other hand i said “do you want to retry?” she didn’t accept. Then i said to decide, and she choosed to leave me after looking down and hugging me hard, and she didn’t want to try to fix our relationship because she “thinks about the other man” and “don’t love me anymore, and she cannot come back because of this”. I left and went back home, and after a pair of days i sent a letter where i said what i feel for her (not praying to get back). Now another week passed and she saw him at his house and i think they get very close, and in facebook they seems very happy, sharing little hint and placing likes one to another. Is it lost forever? since the letter i followed the no contact rule. Thanks

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi markus,

      I think there’s still a chance..It looks like he’s a rebound.. Be active in improving yourself.. You’ve done enough.. It’s time to put yourself first this time..

    • Markus - 0

      Markus

      it’s my 13th day of no contact, and between them it seems that all is going good. He removed the “single” status from facebook (she was already not specified after our break up) and probably they see each other every weekend for 2/3 days. She seems to go on on facebook (and i think also for real at this point) and they are in contact for 3 weeks and half now. My question is, she is supposed to miss me in some way in this period of no contact? it’s normal that their relationship seems so good on internet? I don’t know what to think, sometimes i have hopes and i think it’s hard that she forgot about me in so little time, and sometimes that she moved on and i have no chances.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      don’t social media stalk her.. Be more active in posting in your own account. Yes, you can initiate after the no contact period but it would be useless if you didn’t make the most of it to just focus in yourself and in improving and healing.

  35. Markus - 0

    Markus

    Hi, i know that this site is for ex boyfriend, but if you want i’m looking for an opinion about my ex girlfriend..
    I had a long distance relationship with my ex, for one year and half. One month and half ago she was looking for work near me to be more close, and one of the last days she was with me we had a discussion and i said her she’s good at nothing. I’m so sorry, i had other problems and i got angry with her for stupid reasons, i didn’t mean it. She felt bad and we talked less and more far. After 2 weeks she began to chat with another man and after another week she said she want to be only a friend to me. I didn’t expect it and i ran to her to fix it, she behaved like she was undecided (we kissed, hugged, and get more physical) but she couldn’t decide. After one day an half of this, i was exausted because in some moment we were happy, and the moment after not and when i said “do you want to left me?” she cried, and on the other hand i said “do you want to retry?” she didn’t accept. Then i said to decide, and she choosed to leave me after looking down and hugging me hard, and she didn’t want to try to fix our relationship because she “thinks about the other man” and “don’t love me anymore, and she cannot come back because of this”. I left and went back home, and after a pair of days i sent a letter where i said what i feel for her (not praying to get back). Now another week passed and she saw him at his house and i think they get very close, and in facebook they seems very happy, sharing little hint and placing likes one to another. Is it lost forever? since the letter i followed the no contact rule. Thanks

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi markus,

      I think there’s still a chance..It looks like he’s a rebound.. Be active in improving yourself.. You’ve done enough.. It’s time to put yourself first this time..

    • Markus - 0

      Markus

      Thanks for your reply. 10 days passed since the begin of no contact, i’m training every day and i see some improvement, and i cut my hairs and bought some new clothes. I unfollowed both of them not to get hurt (i’m still a friend) and i went out with friends (i also put some photos on facebook). Last time i saw their profile it seems they are happy, and sometimes i feel sad because i think i have no chances. What should i do? after 30 days should i break no contact or go on? by the way, he also is far from her (me 4hrs, him 3hrs). I try to not think about them and keep positive, but sometimes it’s hard and i think she just forgot me and went on with this guy.
      Thank you very much for your support and suggestions.

  36. Jane - 0

    Jane

    My ex moved on within three weeks but he’s now messaging me after I unfriended him asking why we can’t be friends since he cares so much for me and we get on so well. I will stay in no contact but I’m terrified he’s going to get engaged and I wasn’t good enough.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jane,

      engaged? What do you mean? He has a gf now? If he moved on just 3 weeks after the break up, that means he fell out of love long before breaking up with you. You ignoring him will not be the reason for his engagement, and being friends will not stop from being engaged to somebody else too..

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