There’s a “rebound relationship” checklist that I use for every client that comes to me when another person is in the picture with their ex.

And today I’d like to share it with you.

You’ll find that the 6 signs that I talk about in this article are different than what some of my peers are telling you.

This is by design because I want you to understand the reality of the situation you’ve found yourself in and I’m not interested in lying to you to make you feel better.

So, with that in mind let’s begin!

6 Signs That Your Ex Is In A Rebound Relationship

Below I have compiled the checklist that I use for my personal coaching clients who ask me if their ex is in a rebound relationship,

  1. How quickly did it take for your ex to move on?
  2. How long your ex has been dating that new person for?
  3. Does your ex have a history of jumping from relationship to relationship after a breakup?
  4. Is your ex exhibiting a bit of the grass is greener syndrome?
  5. Have you considered the differences between stability and excitement?
  6. Is your ex showing off the new person to you to rub it in your face?

Now, if you are familiar with my work on Ex Boyfriend Recovery then you’d know that I am really big on giving you in-depth reasoning.

So, what I’d like to do is take a few minutes and expand on what each of these signs actually means.

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1. How Quickly Did It Take For Your Ex To Move On?

In case you were wondering Psychology Today has gone on the record and defined a rebound relationship as,

A person getting into a relationship shortly after their previous one ends.

I’ve actually found that reality is a little more sinister than that when dealing with exes.

In fact, what no one usually tells you about an ex “going on the rebound” is that they typically meet that rebound when they are still in a relationship with you.

Basically they start forming some type of emotional or physical bond with them while they are still committed to you.

This introduction of a third party into your relationship can sometimes be enough to cause the breakup itself,

This leaves your ex pretty happy initially with the new person and you pretty devastated, searching the internet for answers.

Sound familiar?

Here’s my point.

We are here to look for the signs that an ex is on the rebound and one of the most important things to take a look at is how fast it took for them to move on to the new person.

As a general rule of thumb the quicker they move on the more likely it is to be “a rebound.”

That’s what all of my peers are going to tell you and I will agree with them on that.

But what about that situation I discussed above?

What about if your ex meets this new person while they are with you?

Is it a rebound then?

Well, that’s why we don’t hang our hats only on one sign.

2. How Long Has Your Ex Been Dating The New Person For?

About a month ago I filmed a really interesting video on YouTube that tackled one of the most asked questions I get by clients,

“How long does the average rebound last for?”

I answer that question in the video and write up below,

Now, the interesting thing I found when I went to Google and started searching for the answer was that no one really had any data on how long rebounds lasted for.

People had guesses…

And a few of my peers who I won’t name were quoting ridiculous things like,

“60% of rebounds last less than three months”

Never mind the fact that when I actually did a fact check on these statements I couldn’t find any proof to back them up.

So, seeing as how there wasn’t any research that I trusted I decided that I would create the research for myself.

So, I went out and did the following things.

  1. Looked at my own internal notes on how long it took for a rebound relationship to end
  2. I went to every forum I could think of and compiled the data from what people said
  3. I went to every answer website that had written an article on the topic and scanned the comments to see if I could learn anything there.

The whole process took me a good 3 hours.

Now, my goal with all of this was to create a benchmark for my clients who were wondering at what point a “rebound” turned into a “real” relationship.

I wanted to put a timeline on it. I wanted to be able to point to something and say,

“You can expect the average rebound to last (x) amount of months.”

Turns out that when you compile all of the research together you get the following number,

5.2 months

Now, does this mean that your ex and his new person is going to break up at exactly 5.2 months?

No.

However, it gives us a benchmark to grade sign #2 on.

Generally speaking if your exes “rebound” has lasted longer than 5.2 months that is starting to get into more serious territory.

3. Does Your Ex Have A History Of Jumping From Relationship To Relationship After The Breakup

This is an often overlooked factor when it comes to determining if your ex is in a rebound relationship or not.

By simply looking at your exes past you might be able to determine if them jumping into a rebound is common or not.

It’s not exactly rocket science…

But let me throw some fascinating knowledge your way.

Do you think getting into a rebound relationship is healthy?

Think carefully before you answer.

Most of your friends and family will tell you that it’s not. They’ll sit there and say that it simply distracts a person from dealing with the necessary emotions that they need to deal with to move on from the heartbreak.

Well, recent research as early as 2014 suggests that actually getting into a rebound relationship can help your ex get over you and start to feel more confident.

This flies in the face of everything you’ve been told growing up.

Basically getting into a rebound relationship can be one of the best ways to get over a breakup.

Now, you may be sitting here and wondering,

“Why the heck are you telling me this?”

I’m telling you because love, breakups, lust, heartbreak, anger, sadness, depression… they are all nothing more than emotions created as a result of chemicals being released or regulated by your brain.

Well, that’s the scientific way of looking at it.

But I think it’s important to consider the scientific view for a moment.

If your ex is heartbroken as a result of a break up with you wouldn’t it make sense for the brain to protect itself by finding someone as soon as possible so that it can release the right chemicals to help you get over your heartbreak sooner?

Now, I don’t want to get into a philosophical discussion on fate or free will here but to me it makes sense that your ex may not even be aware of the reason they are dating a new person. They just simply feel that it’s what they have to do.

I’ve talked to a lot of men and women going through breakups and the one common thing that I hear from them when I ask them why they jumped into a relationship so quickly is,

“I don’t know…”

I used to think that they just didn’t want to tell me so they were just giving me a lame excuse.

But the more I sat on it and considered I began to believe that they probably have no reasoning for why they are wanting to go to the new person. They just know they have to do it. Well, it could be that their sense of self doesn’t know why they need to do it but their brain does.

So, like an unseen force working behind the scenes it draws them into another relationship.

Why?

So that it can give the body the chemicals it needs to get over a breakup sooner.

4. Is Your Ex Exhibiting The Grass Is Greener Syndrome

The grass is greener syndrome is one of those buzzwords that everyone always talks about but I honestly don’t think anyone understands the dynamics of it.

When you think of the grass is greener syndrome you probably start thinking about an ex who thinks they can do better than you, right?

But what if I told you that we are always looking to find a bigger better deal in our relationships.

The interdependence theory posits that we commit to each other based on costs and rewards.

In other words, we are always looking to get rid of people who cost us things and find the people who reward us the most.

Now, here is the wild part.

When researchers started trying to understand how interdependence played into relationships they learned that three huge factors come into play.

  • Satisfaction: how satisfied we are with the relationship in question.
  • Alternatives: Is there another person out there who can satisfy us more than the person we are with?
  • Investment: how much have we invested into the relationship?

Now, I don’t know about you but “Alternatives” sounds a lot like the grass is greener syndrome to me.

One consistent theme I see with exes who move on to someone new is they have this unshakeable belief that they can do better than you.

However, a rebound really isn’t a rebound until that new relationship ends is it?

How The Honeymoon Period Plays A Role Into GIGS

Now, what do we know about new relationships?

Well, we know that every new relationship will go through this period of time where the world looks a little like this to them,

Basically, we view our relationship through rose colored glasses and believe our partner can do no wrong.

So, lets swing around to your ex and their new rebound.

When they are really determining if they made the right choice in breaking up with you (assuming they did break up with you) they are going to be comparing how they feel with the new person to how they felt with you.

And it’s obviously going to be better.

Why?

Well, the new person has an unfair advantage.

Your ex is looking and comparing based on how they feel during the honeymoon period so it makes sense that your relationship won’t compare.

But the one constant in this world is change…

And that even applies to how we feel in relationships.

So, often what I see happening is that when the honeymoon period ends your ex does this internal calculation in their head and that’s when the true grass is greener syndrome comes into play.

That’s when they’ll really sit there and ask themselves,

“Is the person I’m with really better than (insert your name?)”

5. Consider The Difference Between Stability And Excitement

A few weeks ago I was reading an article on “The Atlantic” that Esther Perel wrote.

Now, if you don’t know who Esther Perel is then you need to stop everything you are doing right now and check out her website and watch this video,

In my opinion, the woman is a savant when it comes to understanding infidelity.

Now, let’s be honest.

Infidelity is a really dark topic and you may be sitting around and wondering why the heck I am talking about it when this article is about rebound relationships. Well, in my view there are a lot of similarities between someone who is having an affair and someone who is jumping into a rebound relationship.

After all, most of the rebound relationships I encounter are actually beginning while your partner is still with you.

But we are getting off topic here.

One of the most fascinating findings that Esther Perel has been championing is that one of the underlying causes of why we cheat on our partners is due to the fact that there isn’t enough excitement in their relationship.

They can love each other deeply but contrary to popular belief love doesn’t conquer all.

Within every man lies a need for excitement and stability.

Now, after working one on one with clients for half a decade I’ve come up with something to fully describe this need for excitement and stability

Stability is the opposite of excitement…

And excitement is the opposite of stability…

And yet we need both to feel fully satisfied in a relationship which will then help in preventing us looking elsewhere.

So, ideally we are always trying to bring this perfect balance of stability and excitement to our relationships but something tells me that when you look back on your time with your ex this might have been problematic.

For example, you might have been a little too stable and not exciting enough,

This isn’t good because what happens then?

Well, that’s where your ex will take a step back and start looking for an alternative that can bring more excitement into their life.

Of course, the reverse is also true if you are too exciting/unstable in a relationship,

You see, I have this really interesting hypothesis that in general people veer a little more in one direction than the other. Take me for example. I am not overly attracted to someone who always wants to go on adventures and is extremely outgoing.

However, there are times in my marriage where I want my wife to be that way.

I want her to be spontaneous and exciting.

But at my core I always value stability a little more.

So, the reality is that I think we are always trying to achieve a perfect balance of excitement and stability but the fact is that we always prefer one a little over the other.

6. Is Your Ex Showing Their Rebound Off To You?

Our Private Facebook Group has special terminology for rebound relationships.

They call them,

OW’s = Other Women

The OW did this…

The OW did that…

You get the picture.

Well, one interesting thing I notice on there is that they become so obsessed with the other woman and what she’s doing that they completely forget to look at things from a broader perspective.

Last year I was working with a client and her ex boyfriend had gotten an “OW.”

Obviously, I gave her this checklist (excluding this particular sign) to look over and determine if her exes new woman was indeed a rebound relationship. She determined that the new girl was but she ended up throwing me off my game when she asked me a question that I was not expecting,

“Chris, he is literally asking for my advice on how to handle her in different situations”

Now, I’m not going to lie to you. I have heard of this happening a lot but what threw me off my game was the fact that I had an instant lightbulb moment,

You see, before when a client would ask me this question I’d just immediately assume they were being friend zoned but what if they weren’t.

What if the ex was literally asking them questions about the new girl to not only throw it in their face but to gauge their reaction to see if they were still interested.

Well, the only way for me to find out was to actually go to the clients that I had helped successfully win their exes back who had rebounds and ask them if their exes exhibited this behavior.

It turns out that half of my clients said that their exes did this exact thing and half of them said they hadn’t.

That’s pretty significant.

Significant enough to add to the list.

So, our list of five became a list of six and we have strong evidence to suggest that if your ex is throwing their new relationship in your face it is a sign that, that relationship is a rebound!

I Want To Talk To You For A Bit

I don’t know if you’ve noticed but we’ve been undergoing a lot of internal changes here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery.

What do I mean by that?

Well, I’ve determined that a lot of our old content is… well, old.

It’s outdated and my views have changed on it. So, rather than writing new content covering the same ground I am going back and updating it. Just like relationships the content on our website is a living breathing thing and it needs to change as the times change.

So, I am going to make a commitment to you.

Every year as I learn more about what works and what doesn’t work I am going to come back and update this content. In addition, I’ve made a personal commitment to do my best to respond to every comment that I get.

So, if you want to a quick take on your situation just ask me a question in the comments and I’ll try to get back to you within 24 hours!

Sometimes life gets in the way but usually I am pretty good about it.

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2,733 thoughts on “Signs Your Ex Is In A Rebound Relationship (The Definitive Guide)”

  1. Tianna

    August 11, 2013 at 9:31 pm

    Hi, so I’m seeking some advice because so far I really enjoyed reading your articles and really need some advice. So I was with my ex for 9 years. We were engaged for the last 2 years out of the 9. I broke up with him 10 months ago because I caught him texting other femalesand we were fighting a lot about finances. He didnt full blow cheat but obviously he emotionally checked out. We were arguing a lot and he says it pushed him away. Anyway so one of the girls he began talking to he had a rebound relationship with for about 4 months. We were separated for 10 months and recently got back together. I just discovered he was still sleeping with her. I recently caught her at His apartment.I had a convo with her and she said they were no longer dating but would occasionally hook up. I saw txt that he would initiate and then she would. He initially swore he wasn’t sleeping w her n recently admitted they last slept together a month ago. He said she would give him blo* job* n leave, which the girl admitted that too. I was devastated. He reached out to me to get back together! Why would he continue seeing her? He has been begging forgiveness and apologized. He has been sending me txt messages,gave me access to all his online accounts etc. said he’s willing to do whatever it takes to redeem himself. He said he was planning to break it off completely with her but didnt bc he was insecure whether I would really take him back. I’m just so disgusted. I still love him and he sounds genuine but it really bothers me that for the past month since we “got back together” he was hooking up with the rebound. Do you think he can ever change? I don’t know if I should be willing to forgive him if he’s become a liar. Do we stand a chance? Please help.

    1. admin

      admin

      August 12, 2013 at 2:48 am

      Well, he is begging you to take him back hahahaha so you already technically got him back. The problem you are encountering lies with your ability to trust him. If I was in your situation I would take a good long look at myself and think: can I live without this person?

      If the answer is Yes then you can let him go. If it is not then maybe you should give it a go a second time around.

      Except put in groundrules.

      He is never allowed to talk to the girl again (stuff like that)

      Give him extreme hoops to jump through just to see if he does it.

    2. Tianna

      August 13, 2013 at 11:11 am

      Thank you so much for replying! Your absolutely right, I don’t know if I can trust him ever again. Ironically he has suggested some extreme conditions ( for ex he says there’s an app I can put on my phone where I can track where he is so that I know he’s not lying about his whereabouts) but honestly I don’t want to be in a relationship where I have to constantly second guess my partner. I can live without him, I guess I just don’t want to because i do love him and have no desire to be with anyone else. 🙁 I want my loving, caring boyfriend back, not the lying loser he’s become :/. Uugghhh. Well, your advice did help bring some clarity. Thanks again!

    3. admin

      admin

      August 14, 2013 at 2:01 am

      If you have any more questions feel free to ask! I am here all week 😉

  2. Maria

    August 11, 2013 at 5:53 am

    Hi!
    I got together with my ex-boyfriend two or three weeks after his last relationship (which lasted 3 Months; he is not known for long relationships).
    He dumped me after a little more than a month, just to get together with someone else after a few weeks.
    -Was I in a rebound relationship with him?
    -Is there any chance to get him back or is constantly changing his girlfriend just his way of being?
    Thank you for this website!
    Maria

    1. admin

      admin

      August 12, 2013 at 2:17 am

      Hi Maria,

      Is he the type of guy that jumps from relationship to relationship?

      It may not be a rebound relationship it may just be he is a guy who plays the field a lot.

      You always have a chance to get your ex back. However, I think in your case (and realize I am just looking out for you here) you really have to question why you want him back. Is he even worth wanting back?

  3. Marina

    August 11, 2013 at 1:24 am

    Hiya Chris! So I really appreciate your site and I really think it’s awesome that you personally reply. So now, I need help. I really want my ex back. Obviously, I’ve read most if not all your material, but obviously like all situations, it’s a bit unique and confusing. The one I relate to is, I left him because I thought I could do better. But I lost what may be the man that understands and loved me the most. I miss him everyday and think of him everyday.. The story starts ,this guy who works with my sister at Walmart. I’ve seen this guy around for about 3 years, he’s known who I am as me and my sister are very popular. Me, being a very attractive woman if I do say so myself. I have thigh length shiny straight dark hair, I am very fit, tight abs, glowing tan skin(drink lots of water! 😉 )big green eyes, and I also model in my free time when I’m not working as a supervisor at a hotel. So obviously I know my worth and from what I was told along those 3 years is that he was completely smitten with me. But he was in a (horribly possessive) relationship for five years with this girl who was really insecure and possessive and couldn’t even talk to me. But around the time, ironically, that both of us ended our long current relationships,(his girl cheated on him and left him, and I just got cheated on in my year long relationship) he finally decided to break the ice. Never seeing me around, he decided to tell my sister to tell me he says Hi. Subtle! Nice! So slowly but surely I came in to see him( I thought he was cute, not super attractive, but cute. Not being mean, obviously I love this man.) And it seemed by fate we always missed eachother! So I told my sister to tell him hi too. Crummy I know. But she did and he was so happy I was told by almost all of his co workers.(which I’m friends with as well cause of my sister). So finally, one day I had gotten off of work late but had this urge to go see him. So I ran into the store and seen my sister’s boyfriend(he works with my sister too, in a 2 year relationship so he’s like a brother to me.) and I ask him if he’s seen Joe(we’ll call him that). And he says he thinks he just left. So I ran to the electronics department to ask his co workers if they seen him. They said I just missed him again. I was so upset and all his co workers were sad for me. One even said, you two really miss eachother huh? But to my surprise, my sister’s boyfriend seen him heading out and ran after him telling him I had come to see him. So I literally seen him, and we ran towards eachother and he picked me up and spun me in his arms!(he’s 6’4 and I’m 4’11)And literally almost the entire store was watching and was so happy we finally got to see eachother. We held eachother for such a long time! It was a great moment. Obviously we finally exchanged phone numbers and texted eachother all night. So over the next two weeks, we texted nonstop. We could never see eachother cause of my work schedule. Hotels are so unpredictable. 🙁 But one day he said he’s tired of not seeing me. So he told me he’ll walk to come see me(he doesn’t have a car and no license. He spent time in jail, it’s a long story) SO me confused cause it would’ve been like a 4-5 hour walk. But omg, he did it. And the exact moment repeated itself, we ran to eachother and reunited. We left my work and went to dinner and got to know eachother more, and everything was amazing. So we went home and we had our first kiss. We said our goodbyes and went home, and stayed up all night on the phone witheachother. And oddly enough at the exact same time we told eachother we loved eachother. So nonstop over the next month everything was amazing and we were inseperable. Everything was amazing! But somehow I started feeling jealous and insecure. I would purposely try to make him jealous and insecure trying to hint that I had feelings for my ex or hitting on other guys in front of him. Horrible I know, but I did.. I regret it so much. It hurt him alot, but he would never be mean or anything, he would always just try to calm me and reassure me. He never ever yelled or scolded me for any of the wrongs I did. I was seeing how much my actions were hurting him, but I began to not care. Keep in mind that we were together for 4 months through the course of my mean actions. Altogether 5 months because of the first month. Sadly enough, he dealt with everything I gave him. Always there for me, reassuring me, or staying with me the entire time I was upset. Never giving up on me. And even the times I would hit on someone else in front of him just to upset him. He would get mad at the guy. He wasn’t a jealous person, but I made him into one. He started getting more jealous, wanting to hold onto me when he knew I was fading. He started resorting to drinking again(he was an alchoholic before we got talk to eachother, and when I told him I was straight edge, he stopped completely.) He still smoked, but was doing his best to quit. But I knew he would drink to escape my games and still try to deal with me. And when he would drink, I would get even more upset. Even so another 2 months passed and we spent every night together.(but never doing anything sexual). So now 7 months together, he started getting clingy and attached. VERY insecure. It threw me off cause he was never like that. But he was always texting me and calling me, never even giving me the two seconds I needed to reply without getting upset. He would send messages back to back asking if I love him and if I cared, IF I replied I would tell him I did, and he would say no you don’t. And make me repeat myself. He would call me NONstop. Even when he knew I was always at work. I promise I was always at work! And he would even call me when I was in business meetings and would just see if I would answer. It got to the point where he was possessive. But so was I. We turned into what we never wanted to be and what we escaped our other relationships from. But still spent every night together. And when we were together in person, all our issues and problems would go away. Not once did we fight in person. Oddly enough. He was always amazing though.. We even got a dog together and called it our love child. Just for pure humor though..And two more months passed and I was being more distant than ever. He was more attached than ever. Truly distant.. I was so cold..I would never reply or never answer his calls, I became mean and not even attracted to him. And getting annoyed by everything he did. He knew and he was just further attaching himself. And literally if we seen eachother at his work, he would attach himself to me and hold me hip to hip. Even his co workers told him to let me breath. He would glare down any guy that would even look at me. I didn’t mind though. I liked his jealousy. I liked the fact that he needed to merge with me to feel secure. So messed up yes.. But we carried on for another month. And one day when I woke up(we sleep together), he was already at work, nothing out of the ordinary, but he had left a note with his apartment key. It had asked me to move in with him and stay there. I didn’t take it seriously and left the key there, crumbled the note and left as usual. He came home and seen that. He was heartbroken, I could tell..I didn’t care though.. And when I came over that night, he clung onto me like a child. We watched a movie and he layed ON me just to feel secure. Like he thought I wouldn’t go anywhere if he did that. I didn’t mind..Everything was fine when we were together. Another month passed and everything was the same. Calling and texting me nonstop. I hated it. Finally it happened, I didn’t come over one night and he was calling me worried I was still out.. I said no, and coldly broke up with him. He immedietely broke down crying. I told him to suck it up, and that he’s just not what I want and that I’m too busy to babysit him all the time. He didn’t say anything, just cried. I felt horrible, but I hung up. We didn’t speak at all for 2 months..So I def had NC. I never went to the store either. Purely we didn’t exist to eachother for 2 months. My sister said he was just depressed..Buying alchohal everynight, no smile always upset. So finally I went into the store on Halloween with my sister and her boyfriend. He was Joker, she was Harley Quinn and I was Catwoman. Cool trio. 🙂 And we seen eachother again, and without words we hugged eachother again. We talked all night, nothing about the past just current lives. Over the next two weeks, I missed him alot. And we texted nonstop for the next two weeks. We were obviously still in love with eachother, and told eachother everyday. He always called me Perfection. That was like his name for me. Perfection. We texted and called eachother(never going to his apartment though) for the next month. We never fought, never got jealous or anything just pure love. I would only ever go see him at his work, and we would act like a couple. We would kiss, hug, hold hands, even makeout outside. We would snuggle and coddle and everything. He even asked me when we’re going to get married. He said he’s just waiting on my word, and he’ll run out and go get a ring. He still offered me his key and we even had a talk discussing baby names. But I would never go to his apartment, so he would always make a crack at me saying I only ever come see him at his work cause I could runaway since he couldn’t leave. I always told him it’s true, and we ended up making it into a joke. But he knew we weren’t together. I reminded him every night, and we weren’t. I still didn’t want to exclusively be with him. I went on dates and flirted and everything. But he was always loyal. I even went on to have a boyfriend. But as Karma would have it, this guy showed me no affection, and used and abused me. EVen though I really like that guy. KARMA, lol. So I got cheated on by that guy and I finally ended it. But through everything Joe was always there for me. And finally I seen. I had to start making an effort for him like he did for me. I texted him and called him, came to see him all the time. And we were acting like a couple again. But finally, he started acting distant to me. So one day I was out and I had a bad feeling. So I went to his apartment. I heard music and people talking, but no matter how many times I tried to ring the bell, nobody answered. SO I left and started blowing up his phone. I told him that I was really confused. He didn’t answer me for a day. He finally responded with I’m so sorry my love!! I had important company over and didn’t hear you. I called him a liar and told him my heart was broken. And he told me to never say that and that I’m freaking out for no reason. Obviously he’s never talked to me like that before.. So I kept blowing up his phone with questions and accusations and finally he called me and said that he thinks we should just move on. He said that my games are too much and that we have different visions of love. I started crying and I told him love is dead to me. I hung up and we didn’t speak or see eachother, so NC for 5 months. But then on easter he texted me and said Happy easter to you and my family. I love all of you. (My mom took him in. He was friends with my sister, and his best friend is my sister’s boyfriend. But he even called her mom.) So I just replied, you too. So another month passes and he texts me again asking how mom is. I just say good. No response, and then another 2 weeks passes and he texts me again just saying he hopes I’m well. I didn’t respond. But then it finally happened. My sister told me he was dating someone else. Someone that worked at Walmart with all of them. Her name was Katie and she was an overnight supervisor. I was devastated..Everybody who knew about me and him was pissed. Cause Katie was an addict. To everything. Smoking, drugs, drinking, and gambling. Everybody was like omg, no way he’s dating Katie. They would tell my sister, him and your sister were so much better together. He was so happy with your sister, now he’s back to being miserable and never smiling or laughing. Just always buying beer with her. This girl, is obease, mean, acne ridden, and does not bathe. She has holes in all her clothes, and just looks like an overall drug addict. And together they look miserable. Like omg. My sister is friends with this girl and my sister says that Katie will be all insecure and he won’t care. She came to my sister one night crying saying that she thinks Joe is cheating on her with me. And all he said was Get over it. Nothing else. And then another night, she ran to my sister crying, and said now I know for sure I’m a rebound, he’s not over your sister. So I was surprised to say the least. And about 2 weeks later, he texted me and he goes, I hope you’re doing okay and I hope you’re still perfect. I replied and said, still perfect as always. Thank you, hope you’re well too. 😉 And no response. But then on my mother’s brithday, he texted me and said Wishing mom a happy birthday and just checking up on you, the perfect angel. Stay perfect love. So I replied that I’m perfect as always and said my mom was fine. So then finally I went in one night with my sister and her boyfriend and my mom. And we seen Katie and her friend. My sister said hi to her, and she hardly said hi and did nothing but stare me down. I looked especially good that night! And so we all do our thing, messin around and having fun with all our friends, and Katie is just staring at me the entire time. SO we go outside and just talk to co workers for a bit. So I get in the car in the back seat since my mom was driving her car. And my mom gets in the driver seat. My sister and her boyfriend were outside the car talking to eachother. And then suddenly out comes Katie with her friend and Joe a little ways behind them. They see us immedietely and Katie and her friend stand probably like 4 feet away from my sister and her boyfriend and just stare at me who is sitting in the car. Joe comes around and goes to my mom’s side of the car and gives her a big hug. So Joe and my mom are on one side of the car talking and on the other side of the car was my sister and boyfriend talking to me in the car, with Katie and her friend right behind them. Not even saying anything.So finally Joe walks away and Katie and her friend still stand there.! And when I got out to follow him, my mother tells me that he was trying to say hi to me the entire time. But I had my back turned. And my mother says to him, she really does want to say hi, and he goes well she should if she wants too. He almost reached out for me, but he seen Katie and he stopped and walked away I was getting ready to go and chase after him when he came back out and we met up. Staring at eachother for the first time in 5 months. Katie stares us down the whole time probably watching to see what he’d do? We immedietely hugged, and and talked briefly really awkwardly cause I knew that Katie was watching. So to shorten things up, we went home and I still never seen them kiss or hug or anything. So for some reason, I went home, and begged for him back. I begged and begged. I didn’t get any response.. So the next day,I text him asking him if I could ask him something. And he said go ahead my friend. I asked him if he still loved me. He said he did as a person, friend, and family. So again I broke down and begged him to be with me again and that he has my heart forever and such. He replied an hour later saying he’ll always be my friend. That’s it. Like he didn’t say no? And he didn’t tell me about Katie? Nobody has told me about Katie? And it seems he’s hiding it from me.. So that same night I went to bed and my sister gets a call at midnight. Two hours after me and Joe had that conversation. It was Katie’s friend asking my sister’s if she knows where Joe is. She said Katie’s crying and she can’t find Joe. He’s not at his apartment and he’s not at work. My sister’s like, why are you asking me? And they bluntly told her, we were wondering if he’s with your sister. He was texting her and then he left without telling anybody. My sister said no, and they hung up. My sister thinks he was out pondering about what I said. Since it was the first time I asked for him back. So a week passes, and as I’m out at the mall I get him a t-shirt. I always used to get him nice things, and that always made him so happy because nobody has ever gotten him anything before. So I take it to his work and my mom goes with me. We go in and as soon as he sees me his face lights up, and we embrace. So I tell him to close his eyes, I got him a present. So I give him his t-shirt, and he was so happy. We hugged again and he kept only hugging me with one arm. So I called him out and told him to hug me like he meant it. And we embraced so long! So then somehow him and my mom started talking about his upcoming 30th birthday and he was saying how he was gonna do something crazy. And I knew that he meant drinking so he seen my face get sad. And he interrupts and goes, well not drinking, I don’t do that anymore.. And he looks me in the eye. I smiled and he smiled. So then my mom looks at him and goes, we miss you so much..He looked at me and goes really? I looked at him and again we embraced. And I whispered, we miss you very much. He just squeezed me tighter. So then he tells us that he might go overnights, and I go but then I’ll never see you, and he says well I have another job too. Which now he’s a laborer as well. So after more catching up on eachothers lives, we said farewell with one last long embrace. My mother then told me he was staring at me the entire conversation. My sister came home that night and said he was bragging to everybody about his shirt and was bragging it was from me. I was so happy. So I texted him saying I hope he liked the shirt and it was so amazing to see him and his smile. I got no response…So that’s my story..As I’m writing this it is a day after the t shirt thing. So now I’m lost on what to do. What should my plan be? Where do I go from here? What’s my best apporach? What is he doing? And do I have a chance you think? I’m obviously of thinking about a little NC for a while. But I want to get your opinion on it all. Thank you for taking your time to read my story, and thank you for any responses. I really appreciate your site and I have every page bookmarked. Thank you for such a helpful site and thank you for being as generous as you are. 🙂
    Thank you again!

    1. admin

      admin

      August 11, 2013 at 3:38 am

      Whew, I felt like a ran a mile just reading that hahahah..

      I am just going to tackle the NC thing here. I do think that is the best way to move forward after you got no response after the shirt thing.

      However, NC isn’t something you half a**. You have to be fully committed. AND you have to improve and evolve during that time. It is almost like a mini healing session where you heal a little from the breakup and turn yourself into an uber hottie that he wants to get back with.

    2. Marina

      August 11, 2013 at 3:57 am

      I know, so sorry for such an in depth story, but thank you for reading it! 😀
      And I completely agree about the NC. I am veeerrry good at NC, so of course I will stick with it. And of course, bettering myself. Thank you! I’ll def go with NC.

    3. admin

      admin

      August 12, 2013 at 2:10 am

      Hahahhaha the story was awesome. You hold the record for longest comment by FAR. The previous one was like two thousand words. Yours was over THREE!

    4. Marina

      August 12, 2013 at 3:15 am

      Hahaha, that’s awesome! And thank you! The story is quite interesting. But all true and confusing. But thought it’d be best to tell the full story to get the full advice. And curious, with all that story in mind, do you think he still has feelings? And do you think he’s in a rebound?

    5. admin

      admin

      August 13, 2013 at 2:07 am

      Feelings I would say yes. In fact, I still have feelings for my ex from FIVE YEARS AGO! However, feelings aren’t enough I do want to point that out and I want you to be realistic about this. As for the rebound part. Does the rebound meet most of the qualifications on this page? If she does then yes I would say the possibility is there.

  4. Kate

    August 9, 2013 at 10:41 pm

    Hi Admin,
    I had been dating my ex for close to 3 years since 2010. I met him through a relative of mine, actually they are friends. At time i was joining campus and he was graduating his. We separated 4 months after we first met, and it was cos of some misunderstandings like he felt i didn’t appreciate he’s efforts since by then he hadn’t started working or earning. We got back together 8 months afterwards in 2012 but the relationship ever since was very rocky. He kept accusing me of wanting he’s money even there was a time he called me a gold digger. I forgave him for all that and in return i tried to do stuff for him like buying him special gifts like designer perfumes, sandals and setting up romantic home dinners. He was even very close to my mother and my brother who i fought for them to accept him because they didn’t want me to be with him since he was stressing me up and treating me badly. At the end of 2012 he broke up with me for like 3 months and the reason was i was nagging him up. I used to complain about how he was treating and all i wanted was for him to treat me better and to stop thinking i want he’s money. We got back together At the end of 2012 and we dated up-to recently in May.
    The whole of this year things were really different, we lost attachment because there was a time i went over to he’s place and stormed actually twice. He said i embarrassed him to he’s neighbors and from then he got cold and disinterested in me, even sexually. In May it reached a point i didn’t know what more to do so asked him that i want to end the relationship. He agreed immediately, then a week later he called me and started to try to get back but at that time i was still very hurt and so i yelled at him and asked him not to call me. 2 weeks later i called him to hand him something of his and when we met at first i quarreled him up as he was dropping me home. I told him that all along i was feeling insufficient in the relationship and that i felt he was treating me badly because i wasn’t working like he was. Always when i would tell him that he would say it’s my insecurities and i have to deal with them. He proposed we be friends and i agreed to it hoping we would stopping fighting and reconcile. We met twice and i felt like he was being to change things only to be shocked. There is a day he had pissed me off and i went quite on him, he tried to calm me down by sending apology texts and i would text him back the same texts and when he’d call i’d receive the phone but would not talk. I had never done that to him and he even said through the phone. After a week i called him up and asked him to meet me, he refused and he broke it off with me. I was so heartbroken i even asked him never to contact me again or ever come back looking for me.
    At that time i had missed a job interview of a placed that i really needed so badly. That was the time i really needed he’s support most but he left me. 3 weeks later i was called for an interview at the same organization, and i passed. I was so excited and because i forgive quickly i felt i would to share the good news with him, so i called him up to tell him.
    I think he was shocked and i also told him that i was thinking of moving on because my plan had always been to get married once i get a job and i got a good one. He really quarreled me up and he even told me that he was dating someone else too. Later i text-ed him that i wasn’t dating anyone and that was just to find out if he was dating someone, he replied that he knew it and that is why he said that. He even said that he always felt like i had another guy on the side which it’s not true and all my friends knew how much i loved him and i used to ignore other guys who tried to date me in campus.
    But i don’t believe him because i feel like he was dating someone even when we were still together.
    Please advise me because i still love him.

    1. admin

      admin

      August 10, 2013 at 3:22 am

      Hi Kate,

      Thank you so much for your comment.

      I want to ask you if you have read the “how to get your ex boyfriend back” page yet?

    2. Kate

      August 10, 2013 at 5:29 am

      Yes i have, i have always applied the NC rule whenever we break up where i don’t call him until he calls me first. I have worked on myself by getting into shape and even i see other guys but i don’t seriously date them. I also disappear from his ladder like currently i have changed my cellphone line so that he might not see me on whatssap, i blocked him on Facebook and any of his relatives who would see me.
      I don’t even look for him as we stay very far from each other.
      NB. The relationship was a long distance one all through out, we only met once a week because of his career.

    3. admin

      admin

      August 11, 2013 at 3:01 am

      Gotcha, well the NC rule I suggest on this site is vastly different than yours. Check it out: http://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/the-no-contact-rule/

  5. Elaine

    August 9, 2013 at 8:42 am

    When we met, my ex was very recently divorced. His wife cheated for 6 months and now lives with the other man. I didn’t know this until we were together for a while. But I’m naturally cautious. So we talked a lot and became emotionally bonded slowly. We dated for almost a year. Although we got close, there was that barrier between us. He was clearly conflicted and guarded. We agreed he wasn’t ready. I broke up with him 3 1/2 months ago hoping he might go back and grieve and get closure. Or at least focus on his goals. I decided I needed to work on some things as well.

    I wish I had done it better. Although I told him one day we could be friends, I ( and a few trusted friends) think it hurt him a lot.

    He immediately and aggressively started with someone new. I know because she’s a FB junkie and since early July put photos, tags, links for getaways, events on his wall multiple times per week.. He takes all photos and tags down. She posted a “places to see before you die” link and photo and wrote “I wanna go!” Would you say that’s extreme?

    Anyway, It seems they started about 2-3 weeks after we broke up. I feel pretty sure it didn’t start sooner based on our timeline and his transparency with phone use and availability, etc. and because I believe he’s a genuine guy who’s lost, hurt and distrustful of women.

    Anyway, I decided to “unfriend” him but to write a note wishing him well and saying I respect his choices and his “privacy”. That was the start of him calling, texting and showing up at places I frequent while driving full speed ahead with his current. He knows I know, about her but won’t mention it. Just brings up that he has been out of town a lot and, he’s planning a few trips including San Diego (we live in SF) next week.

    Keep in mind, he called me and managed to volunteer this information. And then he tries to draw me in, and to take a class I’m taking, or to say we always have so much to talk about, I was a such a good partner, I helped him so much, etc. Nothing sexual or about love, so far. Just admiration and respect and caring.

    So, I’m confused. Is he rebounding? Is he still into me? Is there a way to finesse a genuine friendship while we each sort our lives out? How do I deal with the new woman? I am somewhat jealous but I don’t think we are being disrespectful and don’t want to be destructive toward her. But I definitely think we are reconnecting.

    Thoughts?

    1. admin

      admin

      August 10, 2013 at 2:47 am

      I think you are handling things the right way. Being a little jealous but not being disrespectful or destructive.

      If you get the feeling that he is still into you then there might be something there. It doesn’t seem like you are making something out of nothing.

  6. Sonia

    August 8, 2013 at 7:12 am

    I was with my ex bf for 9 years. Yes, the relationship was that long– no ring on the finger. 🙁 He broke it off last year. He still can’t believe that someone can literally lose themselves in loving someone. That was me. I was just not the same woman he met years before. To cut it short, He started to IM me back in Feb of this year- on and off. It isn’t recently in June that he finally let his heart out and me as well. We IMed out pain and hurt we had in the relationship. Last week of July, we agreed on a reconciliation agreement- lay our expectations out clearly.. Mainly to communicate everything and to avoid past mistakes.

    For two weeks, we were chatting via IM and SMS pretty much all day long. This week, he has gone cold. He’s logged on to IM but no initiation what so ever. Not even SMS. He hasn’t even looked or updated at the reconciliation agreement (which on cloud drive) for a week.

    Oh, I also found out that he went to visit a female ‘friend'(who he has known since college for one year and lost contact until couple years back) in Washington state back in April. She even came to visit him on Mother’s Day, then her coming back again in June for family function.

    He did tell me he cares for me since love is very hard to define – according to him. In those intense chats we had, he said, ‘let’s make up and catch up’. As for sex, he did tell me that all is lonely.

    I feel like I’m getting mixed signals from him. Is he seeing his female ‘friend’ or his friend becoming something more than a friend (or is he leading her on to believe it to be more than just being a friend)

    Is he just fishing for now? Or am I just hopeless in thinking this reconciliation will work out for the long run. I did tell him I want things permanent this time around so I want to make it work.

    1. admin

      admin

      August 9, 2013 at 4:13 am

      Wow 9 years that is like marriage in and of itself!

      I think when you are with someone for that long then things can get a bit stale! He isn’t dating his friend yet so I wouuldn’t freak out but I think you have a clear advantage for being with someone for that long.

      His feelings will be there for you but I think you can use this time to better yourself and evolve into someone who he would actively seek to want back. I think you have a shot Sonia!

    2. Sonia

      August 10, 2013 at 9:24 pm

      Thank you for the reply and this site!! 🙂

    3. admin

      admin

      August 11, 2013 at 3:26 am

      No thank you!

  7. Jackie

    August 7, 2013 at 4:51 pm

    My ex and I have been broken up for over a year. He gave me no reason for breaking up with me but since then, we’ve hung out a couple times. He even told me once before that he was thinking about getting back together with me. He has been with a couple girls since the break up but the most recent one (the one he started “dating” two weeks after we had hung out) has changed her relationship to “in a relationship”. Is this a rebound or is if official?

    1. admin

      admin

      August 8, 2013 at 2:22 am

      I would say it’s offical b/c you have been broken up with him for over a year.

      Keep in mind that “official” relationships end just as much as rebounds do. They just take a little longer.

  8. Lolah

    August 7, 2013 at 2:50 am

    Dear Chris,

    Me and my boyfriend have a long history. Bottom line for the last year he has been seeing this girl whenever i was away for college. (he started seeing her after i dumped him)…but then i wanted him back.. when i came back he broke up with her. but she kept talking to his brothers and friends all the time…that made me mad…so after being together again for 5 months then he told me he does not know what he wants…so i stopped to talk to him for over a month…he was angry when i contacted him…telling me that its too late for us now, and that he wasn’t happy…however, he still texts me and calls, we even slept together…everytime i try to show him that i love him he pulls away..so i told him that i have a new boyfriend now (lie), and that i don’t want to mess his new relationship…he called and text me but i ignored him..finally i picked up…he was asking me why i was ignoring him…i ask what he wants from me..friendship or what…and he didn’t say anything…at the end he said that he wishes my new guy makes me happy…..ughhhh what do i do now…do i wait for him to come…do i start being his friend…do i tell him that i love him…what???

    1. admin

      admin

      August 7, 2013 at 3:32 am

      Well, you shouldn’t have lied about the bf. Hahaha that is kind of funny actually.

      Uhh… lets see here. Why don’t you try NC out?

    2. Lolah

      August 7, 2013 at 3:45 am

      I already did do the NC, we have talked ever since then. i just don’t know what i should do from now on..?

    3. Lolah

      August 7, 2013 at 3:50 am

      he has not asked me to see him again, or be his gf…how can i make him do either..

    4. admin

      admin

      August 8, 2013 at 1:45 am

      It seems that if you are texting back and forth you need to do a better job of displaying an “ungettable girl” persona. Also, you can ask him out on a date if you feel you have tried everything.

  9. TyRonda

    August 7, 2013 at 12:21 am

    Great post. I found his website because I was curious how long rebound relationships tend to last. I have two exes I’m concerned about, and when I say concerned I mean about their happiness. I’m past the stage in my life where I would like to re-open the romantic chapter with either one of them. But I know one ex we were together for about a year and 3 1/2 months before we broke up and the first few months after we were kind of together off and on before I decided I no longer wished to try and work things out. He then would mess with a lot of girls of which he liked to flaunt in my face and about 5 months after I decided I would no longer try to work things out with him, he was in a new relationship but didn’t mention this to me when he decided to invade my space for about a week and brought the girl around at one get together but never mentioned who she was. After he would always talk to me how good the relationship was but then suddenly would always complain about it, and apparently didn’t like doing certain things with her which he loved to do with me and I thought that was quite strange. I then learned he cheated on her all the time and that’s when I realized he was most likely in a rebound relationship. They have now been together for a little over 2 years. The other ex, he and I were close friends for a couple years and then we started a friend with benefits relationship. It was never defined as a relationship because at the time I was rebounding and didn’t want to define it, but all of our friends basically viewed us as being a couple. Anyways I had started realizing that he had feelings for me which in turn made me realize I had feelings for him. I wasn’t sure if a relationship was the next step for us so I was planning on going celibate for a while to make sure it was really feelings and not mainly lust. When I mentioned the idea of us not sleeping together for a while he wasn’t for it and even mentioned dtr-ing when drunk once, but then quickly lined up his rebound (dtr = defining the relationship btw). When I found out that there may be someone else in the picture, instead of considering going celibate I made up my mind that I would, but of course he wanted one last go. It was later that day that I found he was supposedly in a relationship and had been for 4 days. And even though he was with this other girl he would continually try to force his way into my life on a more than friends basis for almost a year before I finally drew the line completely and would not entertain his feelings or drunken confessions at all. Now my first ex, he and I are still close and we talk often. This other ex though, for my own sanity I keep him at more of a distance, but I’ve noticed he’s very destructive. He drinks and smokes more even though he has a heart condition which it could greatly effect, he often won’t want to talk about his relationship at all to me, but when he does he tends to complain or just seem like the relationship is there only for comfort or fun. He has told me often how at times he just won’t feel the need or want to have sex with his girlfriend which is odd since he and I used to sleep together almost everyday. And with all that they’ve been together a little over 2 years as well. Now I do believe that both my exes have feelings for their current girlfriends, but I believe that because they inadvertently got into rebound relationships, they won’t be happy in them, and while that makes me feel bad because I genuinely wish them the best, I’, just wondering is it normal for rebound relationships to go on this long. Or I could just be wrong that they aren’t rebound relationships, but I highly doubt that since one can’t be monogamous if life depended on it, and the other is slowly on the verge of being an alcohol who at times refuses to sleep with his girlfriend for long periods of times. What’s your feedback?

    1. admin

      admin

      August 7, 2013 at 3:26 am

      Hey, thanks for taking the time to comment on this site! I really appreciate it.

      Ok, I think if a rebound relationship lasts past 8 months it is something more serious. So, I think that while they may have started as rebound they devolped into something more serious. That’s my two cents.

  10. Allie

    August 6, 2013 at 5:43 am

    I so confuse! :D. Hope all is well. Is the timeline indicating that if the “RR” begins 1-3 mo after the couple splits then it’s a 100% chance it’s a rebound, or that if it lasts only 1-3 mo then it was a RR? The 2nd paragraph in the graphic threw me off (the longer it lasts, the less likely it is a RR even if it began within weeks of the split?). I could get a gold medal for over analyzing…

    1. Allie

      August 6, 2013 at 6:04 am

      Oh-I think I’ve told you his BFF called her “Swimfan” on FB. (& his other pal & exchanged brief emails where he referred to her as a dirty slut…my ex is in his 30s, but his closest friends & family think she’s bad news-WHY doesn’t HE??). Anyway…there were 1-2 comments where my ex referred to her as “Swimfan.” Something along the lines of seeing how long it would take for Swimfan to react if he asked another local chick to go out with him. She quickly (naturally) responded & even called herself Swimfan. So…imagine you’re a mind reader. Is my ex playing along with the name calling in fun because he DOESN’T think she’s a stalker, or could he be dropping hints trying to get her to back off? & is she that stupid that she plays along with being called a stalker or does she just think she’s being cool going along with it? I’m hoping it is a “sign of trouble,” but it could just be playfulness between them. :(. Your thoughts?

    2. admin

      admin

      August 7, 2013 at 2:24 am

      My gut tells me she is playing along but probably kind of hurt or just doesnt get the joke.. The swimfan thing was totally meant as an insult if I am understand correctly right?

    3. admin

      admin

      August 7, 2013 at 2:22 am

      Hahaha lets put it this way (I was worried ppl might get confused with the graphic)

      1-3 months (that ex and new girl have been dating) = High change of it being a rebound.
      3-6 months (that they date) = Above average change of being rebound

      You kind of get it?

  11. allison

    August 4, 2013 at 1:16 pm

    Me and my ex were together two years off and on we have a baby together and our relationship had its ups and downs. The one thing that never changed was my inability to stay happy or faithful. I’d become unhappy and cheat. I was doing better on being faithful and not nagging so much we got engaged two days before christmas all was going well and then we moved to our own home away from his mom. And one night I got drunk and had se$ with a friend of his we split up but continued living together and acting like a couple. I had tried dating someone new and it didn’t work out my ex fiance moved away and we still continued the I love yous and kisses and more until here recently he met a new girl. He not only lives with her family but says she’s everything I wasn’t we hooked up once while they have been together and then he stopped telling me he loved me and wanted me back(he would always add but not right now) I’m sure this is a rebound bc everytime we’ve broke up he’s never dated. This time I’m the one crying and heartbroken and trying to hold on and try. Here recently he has been acting differently he’s been acting as if we were never together like I never anything to him at all. I’m afraid I’ve lost him forever this time to the new girl. How can I make him remember the good times we had and possible rekindle what we once had? I have already tried NC and it made a little progress but he still acts as if I never was the most important thing to him what do I do when I made him jealous it made him nicer towards me but no I’m alone again he is back to his new girl . How can I get my soulmate and family back together?

    1. allison

      August 4, 2013 at 1:35 pm

      And just a couple days ago he updated his facebook relationship staus from engaged to me to in a relationship with his new girl he’s only been with for a month but yet anything I need he comes to help with and I’ve told him he is my one true love and that I want no one but him I’m freindly towards him but me and the new girl don’t get along he tells me his new girl and him are having problems lately. I’m so confused is there any hope we will reunite he tells me he knows I love him but he says its disrespectful for him to tell me he loves me. Is there any hope of us getting back together or should I give up I love this man so much it hurts and I miss our family so badly that I have not wanted to even date. Please tell me if sounds like he still loves me and that there’s a chance we will reunite ?

    2. admin

      admin

      August 5, 2013 at 3:24 am

      Have you actually done NC though? Like seriously, not contact him at all for 30 days with no slip ups?

    3. allison

      August 5, 2013 at 8:16 pm

      Yes except for when it was about our daughter and last night he told me he loved me he just wasn’t gonna say it all the time bc of his new girl. I’m more confused now than ever is that good that he told me he loves me?

    4. admin

      admin

      August 6, 2013 at 3:36 am

      I think so haha

    5. allison

      August 6, 2013 at 4:52 am

      Ok first off I’d like to say this site has been very helpful and actually proved to help me a lot thank you my ex broke up with his girl friend should I wait to rekindle things bc I know he still loves me bc he told me. Is him ending things with his girlfriend a green light for me or not?

    6. admin

      admin

      August 7, 2013 at 2:10 am

      It’s a green light but NOT RIGHT AWAY. Give him a few days before you swoop in!

  12. Candy

    August 3, 2013 at 7:33 pm

    We started out as fb friends and he started courting me.he is from new zealand im from singapore.i wasnt looking for a relationship but he was persistent. He always told me i love you and kept asking me to be his gf but i said we should meet first in person.we video chat but stil i want him to meet my family due to strong family values. For 2.5 years we we had a mutualunderstanding. Last march he still said he loves me very much and is gonna visit soon.he is saving for it. He has kids thats why i understand he has many financial responsibilities and its ok for me to wait. Then this korean fb friend, a common friend of ours brokeup with her american bf.i was concerned coz i know she used to flirt with steve when steve and i were just friends at that time.then 2d week of april steve said he’s gona be a bit busy with his kids.i understnd that.i always urge him to spend more time with them. When i opend my fb chat he wasnt online. Then i opend my other fb acct, he was oline there. So, i got upset why he turned off his chat on my main fb.to make the story short, i got jealous that he may be spending time with the korean than me and we argued.it happened so fast that he unfriended me in fb. I was so hurt he just left me and ignored me. I messaged the korean and asked if they have a relationship. she didnt reply.steve got angry and just messaged me its over and i shouldnt be messaging his friends. it was so sudden why didnt he even talk to me?i tried calling and skyping but he ignored me.i told him i love him fr the first time.Then he emailed me he wants time and space for his kids.i said i will give him time and space. But then he blocked me in fb.. I texted and emailed him many times asking for answers and trying to talk to him but he ignored me. I emailed him at his work email which he uses sometimes to message me and then he said i shouldnt be sending him messages there. I didnt contact him for 2 weeks but still he wont talk to me.he said he isnt ready for any relationship and wna focus with his kids. july he is still angry with me and said it is over. I said i will give him more time he said ok.his bday is on august 15 and i made a preorderd delivery gift for him to surprise him on his bday.but i was devastated when i found out 3 days ago that he is leaving for korea. I used my sister’s fb acct to message him and ask him if he is courting someone.he said yes and i asked ifits the korean then he said it doesnt matter.he doesnt have to explain. He said its my fault i didnt say i love you to him andthat he felt harrassed wth the many messages i sent. I told him he gave me no choice coz he just suddenly abandoned me and blocked me. He said he wants time and soace but in less than 3 months he was flirting with the korean and planning to go there.while i waited for him.he said he doesnt love me any more. I cant believe it. How can he unlove me so easily just because of those messages. We r good friends and have a mutual understanding that we love each other. It was our first major fight and he ddnt give us a chance even if i said i love you to him. He was so angry and upset like i am. Now he is in korea posting how awesome the korean girl is and his friends are commenting they cant wait to meet her. Im so crushed..i cant believe the man who promised me he wont make me cry and continue to propose to me suddenly left me for the korean.we both said hurtful things to each other and i was so hurt i emailed him many times.can i still get him back?it seems hopeless right now because he is showing happy pics with the korean in fb.is she a rebound? What do i do?

    1. admin

      admin

      August 4, 2013 at 3:21 am

      Have you tried doing NC yet?

    2. Candy

      August 4, 2013 at 4:47 am

      I tried nc for 3 weeks.but he git angrier when i messaged him if we can talk and work it out. D u thnk we still have a chance when he told me he doesnt love me anymore a day before goin to korea? I feel he wanna get rid of me so he can focus on her. I cant believe he left me justlike that when we had been like bestfriends andthe emotional investment we had is so big. Can men do that so easily? Move on like nothing happend? Unlove so easily coz of the many messages he got from me? Is there hope for us if i do straight 30 days NC?

      Im so hurt and scared thinking he is with d girl right now and will be there for 3 weeks and on his bday. 🙁

    3. admin

      admin

      August 4, 2013 at 11:52 pm

      I would say that him saying that came from a place of anger.

    4. Candy

      August 5, 2013 at 12:29 am

      Now he is posting pics in fb with the girl and her family.it hurts so much he is there instead with me.will there still be a chance for us or is it reallyover in a man’s point of view. How could he have moved on so fast? Did he really moved on if he is angry with me?is there really no love left for me when he said he doesnt love me anymore? Do i email him on his bday?

      Should i nc back to day1? He will bethere 3 weeks, idk if it matters if he wont hear from me when he is with the girl. If he would still think bout me while he is vacationing in korea. 🙁

    5. admin

      admin

      August 5, 2013 at 3:42 am

      The girl is probably a rebound.

    6. Candy

      August 5, 2013 at 6:27 am

      How long usually does it take for a man’s anger to subside? in my case he seems more angrier than the first day we had afight and doesnt want anything to do with me and made me feel i should leave him alone so he can focus on his new girl.

      In my heart im still hoping he comes back to me but atthe same time trying hard to accept that he might not and i should move on

      Chris, Ty verymuch for your site and for taking time to advice us. I wont be shock if i see you guesting on tv.

    7. admin

      admin

      August 6, 2013 at 3:03 am

      Eh, Google kind of dinged the site today (I have no idea why) so I am a bit down but I keep on soldiering on.

      Anger is tough. Different people hold on to it differently. I would say that after 1-3 months the anger will subside.

    8. Candy

      August 6, 2013 at 5:13 am

      I fear that his anger might turn into apathy when he is having fun with the girl. 🙁 do you have anyntips how to move on when evrything seems to be hopeless? I love him very much but what if im holding on to a false hope while he is moving on and totally forgetting me.

      Ty chris.i appreciate it alot

    9. admin

      admin

      August 7, 2013 at 2:15 am

      I do have tips! You can contact personally and I can help you with them.

  13. Lindsay

    August 2, 2013 at 3:07 am

    Here is my story… we met last May in 2012 and dated up until the end of August. He then told me that he didn’t want to keep things going anymore as I was going away to school (four hours away), and he thought long distance would be too hard. We ended it, but within my first week back at school, he was texting me every single day and saying that he missed me. When I visited home a month later, he asked to meet up, and he told me that he had not been able to stop thinking about me and that he had fallen in love with me and didn’t want to lose me again. But here is the thing… he never wanted to make us “official” as he said that being official changed things between people and he liked the way things were going with us and assured me that I was the only one in his life and that a status shouldn’t define the way we feel about each other. So we started dating again that weekend, and for the rest of the year, we acted like an official couple. Even though we could only see each other for one or two weeks a month, we talked every single day and when I was home, we’d spend the entire time together. We slept over at each other’s place every time, he spent the Christmas holidays over at my place with my family, he invited me to his mom’s 50th birthday and introduced me to all his cousins, grandparents, etc. Now, I am in my early twenties and due to the different type of lifestyle I had as a teenager (I was a very competitive athlete and devoted all my free time to my sport), I had never been in a real relationship before, and thus was still a virgin. We had a serious talk about it after the holidays, he admitted to me that he didn’t necessarily like being girls’ “first,” because of the emotional baggage it can bring, but that he loved me and so we agreed that he would be my “first”… but beforehand he wanted to get a checkup. So he went to the doctor’s (even though he is crazy scared of needles) and we finally did it on valentine’s day. One night in March he told me that he was crazy about me and that he thought that there was a “reason” that we had met. Since the way we met was extremely random, he thought that fate had played a role and that we were meant to be together. At the beginning of May, I had been done school for about 3 weeks and it was just 1 week before our 1 year, I got annoyed with him as he had just ditched me, and it wasn’t his first time doing that in the last month. He had also made a facebook status about “avoiding relationships due to a fear of being alone”, which I got mad about since he had never told me that, yet had put it on facebook. We met up the next day and I said I wanted to end things. He offered to take a break instead, but I was unsure, after a few minutes he agreed that it was better if we ended it, as I wanted a serious and settled relationship, which he wasn’t able to give me at the time since he was 25 and seeing all his friends buying houses made him feel like he was behind in life, so he wanted to focus on teacher’s college and buying his own place. So I guess you could say it was mutual. When we parted he told me that he would keep in touch with me. We texted a few times after… even planned a lunch date. About three weeks after the breakup, he became facebook friends with this new girl from his work (which he had quit the same week she started), and they became a facebook official couple ELEVEN DAYS later! Just over a month after our breakup! And he had never made things official with me, even though he said we were meant to be. Had he completely forgotten about his status concerning avoiding relationships due to the fear of being alone?! Or him saying that he couldn’t be in a settled relationship right now as he wanted to focus on school and buying his own place?! Anyways, just four days after this new relationship started, we had our lunch date, it had been planned before I found out about this new relationship, but nevertheless the relationship hadn’t caused him to cancel our meet-up. So we went for lunch and he did not say a word about this new girl, when we were done he left saying “well I’m sure I’ll see you again!” and since then we have talked a few times… he also texted me an inside joke we used to make between the two of us back when we were dating. I also think it’s important to mention that he NEVER used to be a very active facebook user. When we met in 2012, his profile picture was form 2009, he very rarely posted anything throughout that year, he went on a trip to France and didn’t post a single picture… now since he’s been with this girl, he adds pictures of the two of them at least every weekend! Something which he never did. It’s so bad that he is even re-adding pictures that he has already added. I have a feeling he is doing it to try and make me jealous or get a reaction out of me? Or am I just imagining this to make myself feel better? I just don’t understand how he could have dated me for a year, told me all the things I wrote down about being together for a reason, and then one month after our breakup, he becomes official with her! Was he lying to me for that entire year?? I am so heart broken…

    1. admin

      admin

      August 3, 2013 at 2:47 am

      Have you tried the NC rule yet? I think it may be good in your situation.

    2. Lindsay

      August 3, 2013 at 9:21 pm

      We’ve still been texting/facebooking here and there ever since he’s been with this girl. I started the NC rule a few days ago

    3. Lindsay

      August 4, 2013 at 2:45 pm

      With a look back I don’t think I’d ever get back with him… but I guess what I wanted to know is do guys lie about these types of things just to keep girls around? And do you think she’s a rebound?

    4. admin

      admin

      August 5, 2013 at 3:30 am

      Gotcha, to answer your question guys will lie sometimes for sure.

      For the rebound… I would like you to reference the graphic at the bottom of this page.

    5. Lindsay

      August 8, 2013 at 11:30 pm

      Well I guess the NC rule worked. He texted me after just 10 days with another one of our old inside jokes… except he is still with his girlfriend. I don’t know what to think of it, this is so confusing..

    6. admin

      admin

      August 9, 2013 at 4:41 am

      You still have 20 days to go hahaha. Then you contact him after NC.

  14. Grace

    August 1, 2013 at 7:45 am

    I have been with the father of my one year old daughter for seven years, things started falling apart a year after we have moved in together, in January he met this girl and he just started sleeping outside and not coming home, he would come home the next day in the early hours of the morning, we would argue about this until i reached a point where i decided to go stay at my sisters for a few days. The day after i moved i went to the house to speak to him, thats when i found him with this girl and she has brought an overnight bag. he said they were nit dating they are just friends, but i knew he was lying, he then took the girl and her bag and they left, he knew i had the house keys, so they never came back to the house, he phoned me and said he was taking the girl back were he found her. i managed to find out where the girl stays and works, i then phoned her to find out whats going on between her and my man, she started telling me that they met at some club and he told her he is unhappy in our relationship and she also started confiding in him that his boyfriend is cheating on him, she then told me that their relationship its just based on $$$,and the night i found them they went to my boyfriend’s friend and had #$$ there. she told me she still loves her boyfriend. my boyfriend and i have tried to work things out and im now back at the house with him, but he has changes, he is too distant from me and constantly talking to this girl on chat rooms, he is not the spontanious, romantic guy that i met,he would sit with me without saying anything and not even giving me a hug or kiss or telling me how he feels. everytime i try talking to him about this, he keeps telling me to relax and everything will be fine, but so far i havent seen anything being fine as he claims it would. he promised that he has stopped talking and seeing the girl, but i have found out that they still sernd each other messages and call each other. everytime i ask him what he wants and if he wants me and our daughter in his life, he just says if he didnt want us we wouldnt be here with him. could it be that he is in love with this girl or is it just a rebound?

    1. admin

      admin

      August 2, 2013 at 2:02 am

      I am a little confused. Are you together still or are you broken up?

    2. Grace

      August 2, 2013 at 6:57 am

      We never broke up, we are still together and staying together. but things are not as good as they use to. i just love him so much.

    3. admin

      admin

      August 3, 2013 at 2:52 am

      Gotcha, ok make sure you take a deep breath and try to take a big picture look at things.

      A lot of the problems couples have boil down the communication issues. Either you can’t communicate or he can’t. I think that is where you should spend your focus first.

    4. Grace

      August 15, 2013 at 2:50 pm

      Hi im so confused right now, i tried the communication thing but it doesnt seem to be working. he is constantly chatting and messaging this girl, everytime i get online on the chat rooms they are always both online at the same time but he never chats to me. If i sent him a message he would either reply with one word answer or not reply at all. Remember we stay in the same house, we still together,have a child together and have been dating for 7 years. He started seeing this girl this year January and they met at a club. He comes home late everyday and weekends sometimes he would come home with lipstick on his clothes, his friends and cousins keep telling me that he always talks about how much he loves me and our daughter and how much he wants us to stay a family and that he doesnt wanna loose us. i dont know what to believe any more, he lies a lot and even lied to his mother buy telling her he is not seeing and talking to the girl anymore. i tell him i love him, but he never responds back like he use to, he is not intimate with me any more. i tried everything sexy, changed my hair, how i dress but nothing seems to be working.Please advice, im loosing my mind here.

    5. admin

      admin

      August 16, 2013 at 2:26 am

      Well Grace, you are going to have to accept that this is going to take some time. Have you tried the jealousy ploy yet?

  15. Stacy

    July 31, 2013 at 2:42 am

    I commented with my back story on another page yesterday about getting your ex back when you have children. I am convinced my ex is in a RR because he told me that he started talking to the girl he is seeing almost immediately after we split up. He has tried to convince me (or himself) and the other girl that it isn’t a RR. He told me that he explained to her from the start that he will always love me and I guess his friends have told her more than once that he still loves me and always will and they would be surprised if he actually let me go because we had gone through so much during our 3 years together. I am not questioning if it is a RR because I already know it is my concern is that he recently told me that he is moving in with her tomorrow. I was a little thrown off by this plan because when he classifies her with me he just says a girl I’m kickin it with. I am worried about him getting himself into a horrible situation and since he has agreed not to have our son around her he told me that he is going to get a hotel room when he has the baby (we live 4 1/2 hours away from each other so I just have to hope that he is being honest with me about this plan) but what self respecting woman would be ok with that…actually what self respecting woman with a child of her own would move a man into her house after being together for like 3 maybe 4 weeks? I’m just trying to figure out how long before it crumbles and will it be long enough for me to get myself together and be ready to start working towards getting back together

    1. admin

      admin

      August 1, 2013 at 4:59 am

      Honestly, I think its the actions of a woman who is extremely desperate to have someone take care of her that is why that “self respecting” woman is doing it. That’s my two cents anyways.

    2. Stacy

      August 1, 2013 at 5:36 am

      That was my thought on it too but I wondered if I was thinking that way because I am a little biased and I just don’t like her. She seems like she is so desperate to have a “father” for her son that she would be willing to keep him from is own actual child.

      I do need some advice for this weekend though (you have become my relationship guru!) As I said my ex and I live 4 1/2 hours away from each other and I am going back up there this weekend for my graduation ceremony and I am spending an extra day there so that my ex can have a whole day with our son. Because of his new living situation he is supposed to get a hotel room Saturday night for all 3 of us….how do I deal with this correctly so that I keep on the right track towards getting back together??

    3. admin

      admin

      August 1, 2013 at 5:51 am

      I can understand where that other woman is coming from I guess. I mean, she probably has been through a lot herself so she would take any guy who could provide. At a certain point I think sometimes women will overlook a lot just so they can find a man who provides even if it’s not morally right.

      The advice is definitely tricky. Hmm….

      You are going to be tempted to sleep together I think. But I don’t think you should do it. Look amazing so he really wants you and make sure you get him to chase you. It’s late here and I am almost out of gas. I wish I could help more but I need to sleep too hahaha.

    4. Stacy

      August 1, 2013 at 6:09 am

      I complete understand you should get your rest. Your advice has been great and I appreciate it so much!!

  16. Doreen

    July 30, 2013 at 3:33 pm

    My ex boyfriend and i had a one-year relationship but most of it was a long distance relationship. We broke up this February and when he got back here last May I heard that he’s now courting the girl he used to work with abroad and they went home here together. We talked and finished it for real last May. We didnt have communication for almost a month after that. Then he texted me and it continued for a month. I was at a party this July and he texted me that he’ll pick me up. So we see each other for the first time after May. He told me that he still loves me, he cant stop thinking about me and i’m still the one he’s looking for even when he’s with his new girlfriend already. Should i believe him? Is it possible that he’s in a RR? If he truly loves me then he should have left the girl and come back to me but he didnt. My friends tell me that maybe he was just lying. Im so confused. And by the way, he got a job here with his girlfriend. Which makes me think that he will forget about me since they’re gonna each other everyday.

    1. admin

      admin

      July 30, 2013 at 6:29 pm

      Hi Doreen,

      I am really sorry your so hurt from this situation :(. He is still with the girl and I think that he does feel something towards you but he wants to have both at once. That is my honest opinion.

      I think you need to work on becoming an “ungettable girl” to him b/c he knows that he can get you any time he wants.

    2. Doreen

      July 31, 2013 at 6:56 pm

      Thanks for your honest opinion 🙂 But how will i ever get him back? Im afraid he might forget about me and his feelings towards me if i do the NC rule since he’s with his new girlfriend EVERYDAY 🙁 he’s not just a normal guy i used to date, we planned our future together like going to other countries, how many kids we want to have, etc. i know im stupid for still wanting him even though he left me but please dont judge, he’s my happily ever after 🙁 please help me 🙁

    3. admin

      admin

      August 1, 2013 at 5:20 am

      Hahaha Doreen,

      Not to burst your bubble here but everyone in a relationship over a year usually has the “marriage, kids, countries” talk. In the end though that is all it is, just talk. Yes, things are great with his new girlfriend right now but I wonder how he will like her in a few months when the relationship has gotten stale and he can’t take his mind off of you.

      My advice is simple. Stop focusing on things you have no control over. Focus on stuff you do have control over.

    4. Doreen

      August 2, 2013 at 4:02 am

      oh. okay. thank you very much 🙂

  17. Lisa

    July 29, 2013 at 8:22 pm

    Hi.
    I suffer from depression that got too much for my ex to handle, and once i got things right and stopped messing up, he still was too affected by our past bad experiences (he said things got bottled up until he couldn’t take it), so he dumped me 6 months ago. 3 months ago he got a new girlfriend and they have already met each others families and are sleeping together which is killing me.
    My ex says he used everything bad i did (which i couldnt help due to my illness and he said that if he got tempted to like me again he thought of some mistakes i had done in the past) and got over me really fast and said he didnt wanna waste any time being single so he met this girl. He said he put his feelings for me aside and made the feelings for her a priority

    He went out dating just two weeks after the breakup, but since he says he only focus on our negative experiences, does that mean he’s not having a rebound and really is over me? He keeps pointing out how happy he is and that she doesn’t do the same mistakes i did and that she’s much better because of it..

    And even if he’s not having a rebound, is it still impossible to get him back?
    I should mention it’s along distance relationship and she lives in his town.

    I’ve told him how angry i am over the breakup, that it feels like he let me down by leaving and that i cant stand that he’s with someone else, he also knows that i’m planning to kill myself because i cant live with the consequences that my depression ruined everything and that i cant put things right again since he keep holding my mistakes against me and don’t want to give me a new chance.

    I’m sick of people telling me to move on since I know that wont happen and I don’t see any point in getting my life back together since all that matters to me is him right now and I’d do anything to get him back.

    so my third question is: is it impossible to get him back or is it still possible it may happen in the future if i keep fighting for it?

    I can’t forgive myself for letting my illness ruin it all and I can’t get over it, I just want a new chance proving i’m a good person when I’m not controlled by fears, if he doesn’t like me then then I can live with it, but I can’t now.

    Maybe it’s too much personal information, but my two first questions are pretty specific concerning the rebound-topic and I’d appreciate any advice I can get, I don’t wanna give him up but i don’t wanna live knowing I cant put things right again..

    1. admin

      admin

      July 30, 2013 at 2:18 am

      Ok, I think it is a really good idea for you to do a NC rule. If you haven’t done it already. I want you to evolve during that time though.

      Oh, and also I think that you should try everything first before giving up completely.

    2. Lisa

      July 30, 2013 at 4:00 am

      I did the NC rule for 30 days, it didn’t do any good at all and then i just couldn’t keep myself from talking to him.

      So he’s not having a rebound but there might still be a way for me to get him back?

      Right now we’re only fighting each time we talk since i claim he never loved me since he’s sleeping with her after such short time.. :/

      I also fear that if i get him back, i wont be able to forgive him for having this current relationship because it hurts me a lot. Do you have any tips on how to deal with that?

    3. admin

      admin

      July 30, 2013 at 5:51 pm

      Well, it seems your issue is that you fight with him every time you talk to him. Work on having a calm and pleasant conversation but not right now. I think you need to take a step back and reasses. Go another week without thinking or talking to him. Just focus on YOU.

  18. veera

    July 29, 2013 at 6:01 pm

    And one more thing i was wondering, do men think that their ex stalk or will want to revenge? in the begining my ex thougt i tried to do than. And i wasn´t and im wondering why.

    1. admin

      admin

      July 30, 2013 at 2:06 am

      I do believe that if I really wronged a girl (which is why I do my best not to wrong them.) However, did you maybe give him the impression that you would want revenge?

    2. veera

      July 30, 2013 at 3:23 am

      No, i didn´t give him that impression. and i didn´t stalk him. we had some money issues, but i had to look out for myself. there was legal contracts i had to make, he did do a thing to make them happend or helped me with them, only asked me constantly have i done them already. He kind of thought that when we broke up he could go on with his life and I should sit home and do every paper work what needed to be done (he told me than when i asked) One point he even asked if i hired someone to hit him (witch was ridiculous, im no a violent type) when i told him to watch out his new friends ( they are violent and sell drugs)

  19. anna

    July 29, 2013 at 2:43 pm

    Hey,
    I think I am the RR.
    My ex was in a relationshiop for 4 years, broke up and after two month we started to date each other.
    Then his exgirlfriend called him and now we broke up, because he doesn’t know what he want… he said he is not sure if it is right to be with me..

    But anyway, I like him a lot and I want him back. Do I have a chance?

    1. admin

      admin

      July 30, 2013 at 1:53 am

      Well, I think you need to work on reestablishing a meaningful connection. Start by implementing a NC rule.

  20. Veera

    July 28, 2013 at 4:21 pm

    Thanks for this article. I read somewhere, that if new relationship moves very fast it is a sign for a reboud relationship. Do you think so?

    1. admin

      admin

      July 29, 2013 at 3:37 am

      If the new relationship forms fast like he starts dating someone new in a week then I would say it is a rebound. However, I am not sure about if you progress quickly in the relationship to having se& if it is a rebound. Usually though, a lot of rebounds are about se$

    2. veera

      July 29, 2013 at 5:28 pm

      Okay, you´re man. Can I ask you, do men think about their ex? or just forget them, when new comes around. If se& was bad at the end and it is good with the new one? is there any hope? And Yes, i have found my se&uality again. and feel hot. and men do check me out, but do men only remember when it was bad. I thin that was one issue with us.

    3. admin

      admin

      July 30, 2013 at 2:03 am

      Men think about their exes just as much as women. However, bad se$ is something they don’t forget easily. Here is the thing though, most guys are just happy that a girl wants them.

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