I have written about rebound relationships exactly one time on this website.
I wrote that post on July 27th of 2013.
Now, as you can tell it has been a long time since then and we are getting questions about rebound relationships on an almost daily basis. Except here’s the difference. With the article above I mainly focused on how to know if your ex is in a rebound relationship and how long it will last.
But I have been noticed that a lot of the questions I am getting about rebound relationships lately have been geared towards knowing if their exes rebound relationship will fail.
Usually it goes a little something like this,
Chris, my ex is in a rebound relationship. But I really think that it’s going to fail. How would I know?
After about the tenth question I got like this and even having my wife send me an email to write something like this,
I decided to break down, put in the time and create a resource to teach people on how to know if their exes rebound relationship is destined to fail.
But before we start to do that I think it’s important to determine if your ex is even in a rebound relationship.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
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How Do I Know If My Ex Is In A Rebound Relationship?
Well, the long answer is to read this article.
But if I know people (and I know people) you guys probably aren’t interested in the long answer. Nope, you are probably interested in the short answer.
So, here it is.
Rebound Relationship- This is a romantic relationship that your ex enters into pretty quickly after your breakup.
In some cases your ex will start to date someone who they actually met while they were dating you.
Ouch, right?
So, that’s pretty much the short answer.
But here’s the crazy thing.
Society has stigmas that actually surround rebound relationships.
Stigmas like,
They are bad…
You should never get in one…
You get the picture…
But do these stigmas hold true?
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizWell, let’s find out.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
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Tackling The Stigmas
In 2014 two psychologists by the name of Claudia C. Brumbaugh and Chris Fraley released a paper called “Too Fast, Too Soon.” The goal of this paper was to actually do research on rebound relationships because little research had been done.
The results they found in their investigation actually went against most of the negative stigmas we have of rebound relationships today.
For example, they concluded that people in new relationships were more confident in their desirability and had more resolution over their ex-partner.
In other words, rebound relationships can actually be one of the most healthy things you can do after a breakup to get over your ex.
Now for those of you who just had a panic attack upon hearing this research,
Please calm down.
This is important information that you are going to be able to use to your benefit if you want to get your ex boyfriend back and I will talk about this later.
First though, let’s tackle the next question you are probably wondering in your head.
Will this rebound relationship your ex is in last?
What Are The Odds Of My Exes Rebound Relationship Lasting?
I am not going to lie to you.
I looked everywhere.
And I mean everywhere for concrete data on how long rebound relationships last for but I couldn’t find anything.
Therefore, I am going to have to lean on my own experience for you here.
In my humble opinion, most rebound relationships won’t stand the test of time. Usually the two people break up. I mean, think about that research I cited above.
Studies have found that men and women in rebound relationships feel more desirable and have more power of their ex. Nowhere in that research does it say,
And they lived happily ever after
Relationships where one party uses the other to get over an ex will rarely work and that’s essentially what is happening with rebounds.
Now, we are dealing with a very complex subject here so it would be presumptuous of me to sit here and tell you that I knew exactly when your exes rebound relationship would end.
However, I will say that there are three big data points that you can use to determine this yourself.
- The Seriousness Of Your Relationship
- How Quickly Your Ex Moved On
- How Long Your Ex Has Been Dating The Rebound
Let me expand a bit on each of these points
The Seriousness Of Your Relationship
We already know that your ex moving on and entering a rebound relationship is a step in the right direction for getting over you. Now, it’s going to be pretty darn easy to get over you by entering a rebound relationship if he only dated you for a month as opposed to a year.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizGenerally the more serious the relationship with you the harder it is to get over the relationship.
How Quickly Your Ex Moved On To The Rebound
I find this data point really fascinating because the quicker your ex moves on to a new relationship after the breakup the more it’s like he is saying that your relationship meant a lot to him and he needs to find a way to cure his pain.
Of course, the flip side of that coin is that the longer it takes him to move on the more he may actually be considering this new girl a worthy girl.
How Long Your Ex Has Been Dating The Rebound
I’ll use the KISS method here.
K – Keep
I – It
S – Short
S – Simple
So, here I go.
The shorter your ex is dating his rebound the more it means that it isn’t a serious relationship. The longer your ex dates the rebound the more serious it becomes.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
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Ok…. But How Will I Know If His Rebound Relationship Is Imploding?
Ah, and now we get to the meat of this article.
Now, before I start to give you the signs you need to watch out for there is something important we need to discuss first.
It’s something I like to call,
Staying Present In His Mind
Look, as much as I would love to tell you that this is going to be an easy process it’s not. In fact, it’s made even more difficult when researchers come out with proof that moving on and entering a rebound relationship will actually speed up your exes process of getting over you.
Do you remember when I said not to have a panic attack about this and that we can actually use this to our advantage?
Well, it’s time for me to pay up on that promise.
The research I cited above didn’t take into account the strategies that I teach.
Imagine that there are two versions of you.
Version one takes the approach that most people take,
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizWhat’s the result of this approach?
Well, it’s probably going to end up with him moving on from you and from the rebound. Obviously that’s not what we want. I mean, sure, we want him to move on from his rebound but we want him to move on from his rebound to YOU!
So, let’s say that version two of you opts to take this approach,
It’s funny, yesterday I was telling my wife about the research I stumbled across that claimed moving on to a rebound was actually one of the smartest things you can do to get over your ex and she had a very interesting take.
I think that is true because if you are dating someone else your focus isn’t so much on your ex. It’s on that person or how dating that person makes you feel.
And she’s kind of right.
The reason that a rebound works to get over your ex is probably due to the fact that you aren’t focusing on your ex.
Of course, the opposite is also true.
If you get your ex to think too much about you during the rebound they aren’t going to necessarily be able to get over you which is kind of what you want.
So, one of the best things you can do is to do subtle things like staying present in your exes mind.
Now, I can already hear the chorus of people saying,
Ok Chris, but how do I do that?
Well, I spoil you guys enough with free content so I am going to save this strategy for my book,
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quiz
(Hey, I have to save some of the good stuff for paying customers.)
Let’s move on and start talking about signs that your exes rebound relationship is about to implode.
Here’s What Will Happen If Your Exes Rebound Relationship Is Starting To Fail
Now, before I start pointing out specific signs I first need to tell you that we are actually going to operate under a specific assumption.
Going forward we are going to assume that you are doing the things I talk about in PRO to stay present in your exes mind during his rebound relationship.
Get it?
Got it?
Good!
The way I see it is that your ex is in a relationship with someone else.
Yes, it may be a rebound relationship but as far as the signs go that, that relationship is about to fail there isn’t too much revolutionary things that I can point to towards you.
Nevertheless, I have identified four distinct changes that you will begin to notice if his relationship is about to end with this new girl.
Are you ready?
Sign #1: Your Ex Starts Talking To You A Lot
Can I get personal with you for a moment?
I am going to tell you a rather embarrassing story.
It’s the story of my very first breakup.
Ok, so I believe I was 18 at the time and a senior in high school.
(Geez… that was almost ten years ago)
Anyways, I remember being so happy when I got my first girlfriend. I would pretty much bend over backwards to please her and for the most part things were going great.
However, that all changed around month two of the relationship when I saw she was texting on her phone to someone.
I casually asked her,
“Hey, who are you texting?”
To which she replied,
“Oh, it’s just Wilson”
She then went on to tell me that before she met me she had this major crush on a guy named Wilson but he had never reciprocated her feelings. Of course, now that she had met me she was head over heels in love with me blah blah blah.
All I heard of her explanation was this,
Now, I wasn’t exactly calm when I expressed that I was upset that she was texting this guy so she had promised that she wouldn’t do it anymore if it upset me that much.
And for the most part I didn’t hear too much about Wilson from that moment on.
Well, at least until right before our breakup.
A few weeks before we officially broke up I caught her multiple times texting this Wilson fellow. It’s almost as if she was setting up her next boyfriend in preparation for our breakup.
And essentially that’s exactly what happened.
After we broke up guess who she ended up dating?
WILSON!
So, what’s the point of me telling you this story.
Well, it’s the fact that if you notice your ex boyfriend pick up the pace when it comes to texting you then that could be a good sign that his relationship is almost at an end.
I mean, think about it.
What woman is going to be ok with her man constantly texting his ex?
I haven’t met many.
Sign #2: You Send A “Test Flirt” Text And He Takes The Bait
I think I am pretty clear throughout Ex Boyfriend Recovery with my stance on cheating.
My Stance = Cheating is bad and you shouldn’t ever engage in it.
I feel a need to re-iterate this stance because what I am about to recommend here is kind of in a grey area. It’s a bit risky because there is a temptation to throw caution to the wind and engage in cheating.
Look, you want your ex boyfriend back and that means you are at a high risk of doing something illogical.
The goal here isn’t to impose on his current relationship. It’s to simply test and see how serious he is about it. One of the worst things you can do on this earth is waste your time on someone who isn’t interested in you.
I am simply recommending a “test flirt text” to prevent that from happening.
So, what is this “test flirt text?”
The Test Flirt Text = You are going to send your ex a flirty text to see how he responds.
The goal here is to get information on how to approach things going forward.
I’ll give you an example.
Imagine that you were to send your ex boyfriend a text like this,
And he were to respond like this,
That might be a pretty good indication that he is currently happy in his relationship and is not willing to leave his rebound. Of course, if you were to send this text and he were to respond this way,
This would be an indication that things might not be perfect in his relationship.
Look, here is my thinking.
A man who is truly happy in his relationship wouldn’t engage in flirting with any girls no matter what. How do I know that?
Well, I am a guy who is absolutely happy in my relationship and I haven’t flirted with a girl in over three years.
Now, is this the “be all, end all” litmus test of whether or not your ex boyfriends rebound is on the decline?
No…
But that’s why we have the other signs I am about to talk about.
Sign #3: There Is A Pattern
I am not going to lie to you.
I really debated on whether or not I should even tell you about this one.
Have you ever heard that phrase,
Ignorance is bliss?
Well, the gist of the phrase is that sometimes it’s better not to know the truth as opposed to knowing it. That might be the case here. However, I have taken a sworn oath to be truthful to you so I am going to let you in on this fact.
If you notice that your ex boyfriend has a pattern of jumping from relationship to relationship without any breaks in between then it’s highly likely that his new fling is just that, a fling.
Of course, this is a double edged sword in the fact that if you notice your ex has a pattern you could be a part of that pattern.
I’ll give you a real life example to illustrate my point.
We have already established that a rebound relationship is a type of relationship that your ex enters into pretty quickly after your breakup. Now, what I am putting forth here is that there is a type of man out there who simply jumps from rebound to rebound and never catches his breath in between.
Why would he do that?
Well, it’s how he has learned to cope with the pain of a breakup.
Rather than dealing with it head on he uses another relationship to bury it.
Now, let’s compare that type of a man to me.
After my very first breakup I didn’t enter a relationship again for five years.
Now, I suppose some of you may say that I was scared to enter a relationship again and I am going to be honest with you. A part of me was. However, it’s not due to the fact that I was scared to get hurt again.
Quite the opposite, in fact.
I wanted to take my time to know exactly what I wanted out of a relationship. I wanted to make sure so that my next relationship was successful.
Do you see the difference?
I took the pain on and tried to use it productively.
Sign #4: They Talk About You
This sign sounds relatively simple, right?
I mean, all your ex boyfriend has to do is talk about you.
But I think it’s important to note that when I say “they talk about you” I am really referring to three things.
- Who they are talking to when they talk about you
- Where they are talking about you
- What they say when they talk about you
By looking at these three things we can get a gauge on whether or not he is still hung up on you. And I don’t think it takes a genius to realize that if he is still hung up on you then that means trouble for his current rebound relationship.
So, let’s look at our three things a little more in-depth.
Who Is He Talking To When He Talks About You?
Generally what you are hoping for is a close friend of his.
Now, why do you think you are hoping for a close friend of his as opposed to a close friend of yours?
Well, let’s assume that your ex boyfriend isn’t dumb and he has a brain. He probably understands that if he starts talking to a close friend of yours that it’s eventually going to get back to you. Now, compare that to a close trusted friend of his (which he doesn’t think will get back to you) and it’s that much more powerful.
Where He Is Talking About You?
Is he talking to someone about you on Facebook?
Did he make some bold claim about an ex lover on his wall?
Is he talking to someone about you in person?
This all matters.
Generally, I would say that having him talk to someone about you in person is a bit more powerful because there are things like facial expressions, tone and all that good stuff that you can pick up on to determine the validity of what he is saying.
But honestly these two signs pail in comparison to the big kahuna that is…
What Is He Saying About You?
I want to tell you a story about my ex.
It had been a few months after we had broken up and she had been dating a guy almost immediately after we broke up.
That’s when something very important happened.
My best friend in the world, Wes, got a phone call from her.
Interesting, huh?
Wes, was always one of those guys who women felt they could open up to and my ex, since she obviously dated me wanted to open up to Wes about something,
My new boyfriend… He just doesn’t pay attention to me. It’s not like when I dated Chris. Chris always paid attention to me and even though we fought a lot he was always there for me.
Now, since Wes was my best bud he obviously told me everything.
She was still thinking about me and she was about to end things with her current boyfriend.
Why do you think I told you this story?
Well, I told it to you because generally what someone says about you behind your back is what they truly think about you. So, in my case, if I wanted my ex back, this would have been a great thing to hear. But let’s imagine my ex had nothing but bad things to say about me.
Well, in that case then that’s probably not a good thing.
Sign #5: Social Media Presence Declines
We live in a digital age where Facebook and Twitter rule over almost all.
This is especially true when it comes to relationships.
But let’s switch gears for a moment.
You are aware of this idea of a honeymoon period, right?
Honeymoon Period: A period of time that occurs immediately after you start dating someone where your partner can do no wrong.
Chances are that when your ex first starts dating their rebound partner they are going through a rebound partner.
Breakups rarely occur when everything is all flowers and angels in the relationship.
Instead, they occur after the honeymoon period has ended.
And one of the best indicators that you can use to determine if things are calming down with regards to the honeymoon period is social media.
Now, I am going to admit that I don’t have research backing this claim up so take it with a grain of salt. However, what I am about to say has certainly held true throughout my life.
It’s clear that when you enter a relationship you are constantly tagging, posting picture and liking statuses on social media websites like Facebook.
And why wouldn’t you?
You have just started dating someone new and you are excited to let the world know.
However, no one can keep that up forever.
Eventually we all grow complacent in our relationships and we no longer do those cute things that we used to do.
Keep an eye on your exes profile and see if you start noticing a significant decline in his public communication with his current girlfriend. It could be a sign that the honeymoon period is starting to fade and that’s when a breakup could potentially occur.
Crystal
October 29, 2024 at 10:39 am
Me and my ex was together a year..I found out he is addicted to opioids.. last year he broke up with me after we gotten into an argument, the next month my mom passed away. He wasn’t there for me. Three weeks after my mom passing he came to my job with his friend and he started arguing with me, he kept only coming around to use me, I thought maybe he would change I kept trying to be there for him to encourage him to get help but he denied he was doing drugs. 5 weeks ago was the last time I saw him and I found out he has a girlfriend who has 3 kids she lives in NJ and he lives in Reading Pa. His family thinks he’s only using her because she lets him use her car and stay with her only dating her for about 5 weeks he started to stay with her.. and the nephew told me he has a trucking job.. I know he still does opioids because the last time I saw him he was nodding off. I pray every night for him. It makes me feel like I wasn’t even enough for him.. his sister and mom said he really did love me but how can you love someone if you only hurt them when they was already at their lowest in life…. His family said this is his pattern he likes to use women.. I don’t know what to do all I know is that I am hurting a lot I am grieving my mom and I am grieving a heartbroken
Kaye Nguyen
October 27, 2021 at 8:43 am
Should I be worried that my ex got into a relationship a week after we broke up? He also told me two days before he got into the relationship he still had feelings for me and will always have feelings for me. But two days later he said he has a girlfriend now and he loves her and doesn’t love me anymore. I started the 45 day no contact the day he told me he made it official with her and doesn’t have feelings for me anymore.
Amyeera
April 14, 2021 at 11:47 pm
Me & my ex were dating about 3 years. our relationship kinda serious. our relay is doing just fine & had no arguement nor misunderstanding. everything went welll. he bring me dinner and call me like always we did but the next day i found out he cheated . i asked him to choose between me or she but yeah he choose her. someone he knew just only 2 months rather than me with him already 3 years together. i do ask him what i do wrong & why he leave me and he said “u have no wrong it just we can’t be together again. im sorry i love her” by not just that. he said dont bother them cuz they aldy planning to get married i was so devastated thinking why he did this. i need help what should i do . should i walk away and moved on? help me to find answer! TQ XOXO
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
April 18, 2021 at 7:26 pm
Hey there Amyeera, I’m sorry I cannot tell you if you should move on or not. You need to decide if you can forgive and move on from the fact he cheated or not. If they are engaged then I would suggest you think about moving on.
O
February 3, 2021 at 2:10 pm
My ex and I where together for 9 years we broke up about 6 months ago but it never really felt like we did until recently we have 2 year old together and still live together today I try apologizing for my mistakes and she says she’s not ready to forgive me I asked her what are the chances we get back together and she didn’t give me a clear answer I still talk to her about all my personal problems and everything and text her frequently but I’m the one that always initiate the contact she also talking to someone else but I’m not sure they dating
My question is does it sound like she done with me
and the person shes talking to a fling or rebound??
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
February 4, 2021 at 4:40 pm
Hi O, so it does sound as if she has a rebound at the moment. If you want her back however you need to start following the limited no contact rule, you can find articles on this website how to handle the situation when you share children or live with your ex.
Helen Wilson
October 10, 2020 at 8:55 pm
Me and my ex were together for almost 5 years. He broke up with me the end of January and started to talking to his new girlfriend exactly the beginning of February. We were still currently living together and also still intimate. We also have a 3 year old son together. I moved out in May, and when I went to pick up a belonging of mine, I noticed him and her were officially together and she moved her stuff in as well. She indicated that he has has already met her parents, and they have been intimate since March (the same time we were). She is also the complete opposite of me as well. Now he keeps saying he wants to build our friendship back for the sake of our son, but I find that odd… They now live together, and been together now for almost 4 months.
Anne
October 2, 2020 at 2:27 am
My ex and I dated for 4 1/2 years. I have a full time job and 24 and him 26 did have a part time job and was in school.
We spent quarantine together from March to June, and decided to spend time with our respective families who live 6 hours away form each other. I went to see him mid July for a week and expressed that I felt he was changing. He reassured me saying he won’t change and that he still wanted to marry me in the future. 2 weeks later, he video calls me saying he hasn’t been happy in he city and liked it in the country. He also stated he was turning 27 and has no clue what he wants to do in life. I suggested a break (immediately regretted), he originally didn’t want one but we ended up taking a break and breaking up about 3 weeks later. He said that things haven’t been the same for a year now and he feels like we’re more like friends.
Since, he’s been seeing an 18 year old girl, dropped out of school, and currently does not have a job. Is this relationship going to last? And is he ever going to reach out to me?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
October 20, 2020 at 4:37 pm
Hi Anne, the two questions you have I cannot answer I am sorry. But you can spend some time working on yourself and use sphere of influence to show your ex that you are doing great without him in your life, this could be a way to get him to want to reach out to you
Matt
August 15, 2020 at 5:54 pm
my ex girlfriend broke up with me 2 months ago after 3 years together, she didn’t feel the same for me anymore. Then within a week she had deleted everything off of Facebook and blocked me and within a month of breaking up with me she is seeing someone else, I did ask her and she said that’s how she gets over an ex!
I think she is a seriel rebounder! And I don’t know where I stand with her as I love her beyond belief, and she said you never know what will happen in the future, I might regret it in 6 weeks, 6 months or 6 years you get the jist of it. So my head is all over the place but slowly but surely feeling better and changing my ways to what helped the break up but she can’t see that what she did towards the break up, she says it was all me….
Amy
August 5, 2020 at 10:25 am
Hi! I was in a relationship with a guy for a little over a year and we still said we loved each other and hung out. There was a month or two of no talking, but he got together with another girl who is 100% opposite of me and blocked me on social media. When I tried reaching out, he said he’s far from his feelings for me and wants me to move on. Is this just a rebound in the honeymoon phase or something serious?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
August 5, 2020 at 11:41 pm
Hi Amy, yes it does sound as if he could be in a rebound relationship. Work the program and make sure that you read about the being there method ready for when you come out of your No Contact
Lynn
June 19, 2020 at 5:49 am
My situation is complicated. My ex and I have been divorced since 2018. We’ve been working on it but neither of us changed and we did stupid things to eachother. I did most of the hurtful things. I was supposed to move back in the month of July. Out of nowhere he moved all my things out the last week of April. I went on a COVID travel nurse assignment thinking we were taking a break. Come to find out he had been talking to someone since the first week of May. I found this out when my kids said they went camping with her. He introduced them to her after two weeks. We were married for 12 years and together for 15 total. I am trying to get my family back. I’ve screwed up no contact since I was alone in a hotel room 1200 miles away. He said he was done with me over email. Any advice? This has been absolutely devastating and he won’t talk to me in person. Just 2 minutes of child exchange while I am in town.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
July 15, 2020 at 8:23 pm
Hey Lynn, you need to follow a No Contact to get this program to work, while your ex is currently with the OW it is in the honeymoon phase where he thinks he has the better woman right now. So you need to work on yourself and be sure that you want him back for the right reasons. You need to work out how to communicate with him, without it being about your history or your relationship and just about the children. Read about the holy trinity and the being there method
Ella
June 1, 2020 at 2:05 am
Hey!
My ex boyfriend and I were together for 7 1/2 months and really close friends for over a year. I’m his longest relationship and “his first actual love that he saw a future with”. He told me that he always had feelings for me since meeting me and had loved me for so long. However, because of the pandemic, we only got to see each other in person once within 2 months. He grew distant and never had anything to talk about since he did the same things everyday and began taking hours to reply to my messages. Almost 3 weeks ago we called and after about 2 hours of him crying and not knowing if we should break up or not he made the decision to end things. He told me he still loved me and that we’ll always be friends but something in the relationship just felt different now and he didn’t know what. We still talk everyday, just a lot less, and are still somewhat friends. He doesn’t reply like he used to though and still seems a little distant most of the time. Sadly, just a week after the breakup he began talking with his friend that he’s been friends with for 2 years now and now they both have a “thing” with each other:(. Although he doesn’t see it, she’s basically a very tall version of me which confuses me a lot. (Her first name is the same as my last name which is super weird too). His best friend told me that he had mentioned me a few times after we split saying that he felt bad for breaking up with me but that he didn’t want to be intimate with me anymore. I don’t know what to do because we had a very healthy and positive relationship and I don’t understand why he had already moved on to someone he never had feelings for before just a week later. He has told me that he wants to hang out still just not right now because it would be awkward for him. I don’t really understand why it would be that way if he moved on already. I just would like to know if it seems like he has any feelings for me still that may come back or if he truly likes this new girl.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
June 1, 2020 at 10:05 am
Hey Ella, I think your ex has a grass is greener syndrome, while he may feel bad for hurting you and want to be your friends he feels that there is something else that he is looking for right now. So to make this work you need to follow a no contact rule where you do not talk to him for a solid 45 days. Nothing, not even social media. And work on yourself in that time. Read about being Ungettable and the being there method during your No Contact and then reach out showing your ex what he walked away from. Be sure to read articles on this website they are going to be great help to you
Cris
November 4, 2019 at 5:49 pm
Hello,
My ex bf and I knew and saw each other for 4 years. From the 4 years we were only bf/gf 6 months (happened 6 months into meeting each other) he broke up with me. We saw each other and did the exact same things as when we were bf/gf EXCEPT for seeing each of our families, we no longer hung out with our families since were weren’t oficial. In those 4 years we took a 3 month no communication break because he started seeing someone (we weren’t dating and that was a rule we set, if we started becoming interested in someone else we would respect that and give each other time). Of course I did t know he would come back as I thought it was going to be the end, but I believe it was a fling and a rebound as he saw her very shortly after he mentioned talking to
Someone else. Now (two weeks ago) he started to become distant and I felt there was another girl in the picture (I know now that it’s a bartender) but he denied it and said that we just needed to move on from each other since he didn’t see our relationship goin anywhere if it hadn’t the last 4 years.
Well exactly two weeks after I last saw and slept with him he slept with this bartender. We just talked on the phone and he said that he distanced himself because he didn’t want to talk to someone else while still seeing me.
I am and have always been hung up with him, LOWKEY wanting him to change his mind about giving me another chance and giving a real relationship a try.
I stated very clearly that I would back away and give him time once he started seeing someone else and I guess I was going
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
November 9, 2019 at 1:40 am
Hi Cris, so you need to use the information you have on him, his hobbies his interests, what features he liked about you. And show your interest in mutual things and posting to social media and show him what he is missing out on by not being with you. And you do need to read about the being there method too so that you can place yourself in the right position when it comes to other women and the ex
C
November 4, 2019 at 5:47 pm
Hello,
My ex bf and I knew and saw each other for 4 years. From the 4 years we were only bf/gf 6 months (happened 6 months into meeting each other) he broke up with me. We saw each other and did the exact same things as when we were bf/gf EXCEPT for seeing each of our families, we no longer hung out with our families since we weren’t official. In those 4 years we took a 3 month no communication break because he started seeing someone (we weren’t dating and that was a rule we set, if we started becoming interested in someone else we would respect that and give each other time). Of course I didnt know he would come back as I thought it was going to be the end, but I believe it was a fling and a rebound as he saw her very shortly after he mentioned talking to
Someone else. Now (two weeks ago) he started to become distant and I felt there was another girl in the picture (I know now that it’s a bartender) but he denied it and said that we just needed to move on from each other since he didn’t see our relationship goin anywhere if it hadn’t the last 4 years.
Well exactly two weeks after I last saw and slept with him he slept with this bartender. We just talked on the phone and he said that he distanced himself because he didn’t want to talk to someone else while still seeing me.
I am and have always been hung up on him, LOWKEY wanting him to change his mind about giving me another chance and giving a real relationship a try.
I stated very clearly that I would back away and give him time once he started seeing someone else But he swore he wasn’t backing away because of that until I saw him with her with my own eyes.
He was honest about it the first time he did it but this time he tried to hide this girl from me.
We got into an argument about why he was dishonest and he said that he wasn’t thinking of sleeping with anyone else but because I stuck around while he was trying to breathe and “not feel tied down to someone who isn’t even his gf” he had to do it so I would catch the hint of moving on and that he also had to move on.
He tells me he is going to take this girl serious and that in not any part of his future.
So my situation is that he’s rebounding after an unofficial relationship but I think there’s no him coming back this time.
Sad but there’s so much twists that I don’t know what to think and I don’t want to be hopeful but I wish he did (I feel this now and I hope it doesn’t last long because I also don’t think this is healthy for me)
Alyssa Musgrave
August 29, 2019 at 12:24 am
So this one is kind of complicated and because of that I am not really sure what to do. So to start out O guess I should inform you that I have a little bit of a dark past. My parents were never really parents, I had to support them and my 4 other sisters. I got a job at 14 so that we would be able to pay the Bill’s as my mom wasn’t working or if she got a job she usually called off all the time and wouldn’t keep it for long. My parents are split and for most of my life I didn’t really have contact with him, in fact I couldn’t stand him. Anytime I did see him he either ignored me or he was physically/emotionally abusive. My grandparents on both sides were the same way though my grandmother on my mom’s side had favorites and I happened to be the last (She couldn’t stand my Dad and blamed me for my mom staying with him and marrying him because she accidentally got pregnant with me) so she treated me very poorly in contrast to my sisters who she spoiled. She would even go as far as locking me in a room for hours so as to not have to “deal with me” even though I was usually really quite and respectful so as to not get hit. Growing up the only person I was really close to was my mom and she eventually completely turned against me. She would tell me that I would be single and alone forever multiple times. I got mad once and asked why she would say something like that and she replied with “Look at you. Besides who would want to be with someone like you.” This lead to a big argument where I told her she couldn’t talk to me like that and she cornered me in my closet and choked me saying that “I brought you into this world and I can take you out.” Of course after this altercation I was done. This was right around the time I was getting ready to graduate highschool. My Dad and I, for the first time in our lives, had actually started talking. He apologized for everything and made many attempts to reach out to me. Because my current home life was so toxic I decided to move back in with him and my grandparents (He is 43 and lives in his parents basement, go figure). We actually had a good relationship for about a year, wasn’t really father and daughter but the best we had ever had. I had also finally built a good relationship with my grandparents. One day when I was trying to fo my laundry he just kinda snapped and was in his old ways again. He grabbed me by my throat, pinned me down over the table behind me and just started choking me with this enraged look on his face. I was only in my robe (I was trying to get ready for work) so I had one hand on his trying to pull it off and the other hand holding my robe closed. After trying to tell him to get off twice to no avail I was able to kick him off me. When I stood up I immediately fixed my robe and he started coming for me again so I pushed him back away from me. That happened to be right when my grandfather came around the corner. He yelled at me and I tried to tell him what happened but my father denied it and lied about everything. No matter what I said they didn’t believe me even though they know for a fact he out his hands on us when we were little all the time. They think he has changed. So no one in the house would talk to me for almost two weeks and would kind of just turn their noses up at me. After the silence ended it was just constant fights. My father would (and still does) make up lies about me and they always believe him even if I show them proof it’s not true. They all now are constantly talking about me. The point in me telling you all this is because I have developed MAJOR trust issues and would always push people away when they would get too close. I had spent 20 years building walls and they were pretty impenetrable. No one could ever get in.But somehow this guy Peyton wiggled his way in. Once I felt we were getting too close I tried to push him away (I do this with out even realizing). But I couldn’t and that terrified me. I cared way too much for him. He became the only person that I could talk to when I kind of broke down after everything (I was diagnosed with CPTSD, Severe Anxiety, and MDD). I was completely broken and felt absolutely nothing because I was so far into psychosis. Yet somehow when I was with him I felt closer too myself than I had in a long time. He helped me so much when I was going through that and I believe a big reason I was able too. About four months ago he confessed that he had been in love with me for over a year (we have been best friends for almost three now) and I turned him down. I told him the same lie I had been telling to myself. That we wouldn’t work, we aren’t compatible and its not worth the risk of losing or friendship. He tried for four months saying that he thinks we are meant to be together and I wouldn’t even let myself consider the possibility. Everytime I caught myself thinking about us through out our friendship (which was quite often) I would push it away. I was terrified about how much I cared for him and how important he was to me. Recently I started to accept how I felt but then found out it was too late. He was seeing someone else. He says he thinks he loves her which I am really confused about because the last time he said thought we were meant to be was 1.5 months ago. And to my knowledge they have been dating for maybe a month. He also said that he still considers me to be his bestfriend and always will because he has improved himself because of me (One of the reasons he thought we were meant to be together was because he said I made him want to be a better person, and admirably he was the best person when I met him but has grown a lot and is now one of the best people I know) but he needs to step away for a little bit because he doesn’t want to risk what he has going good for him right now. I think because of how intense this relationship is and how fast it is moving that it is just a rebound. I am not sure however because I explained how I felt and have always felt and was just terrified (I did this as kind of an apology and made sure to say it in a way that I wasn’t trying to get in between the relationship). He said that he understands and that it is the way it goes sometimes, that it just takes time and rides eventually change but he has finally found the unstable peace he has been looking for and it may be young right now and there is still a lot of uncertainty but that he could care less. That I am still his bestfriend and always will be. That he understands why I couldn’t take a chance on him because I have spent my whole life watching my back and covering my tracks and while we have talked about it, it is defense mechanism that is both helpful and toxic. That I don’t need him and he believes I could more than likely do a lot better then him. That I just need someone who understands me but he is still here and can still talk. I didn’t really reply because I wanted to say that I didn’t really want to find someone else but I didn’t think that was right. We haven’t talked for two days now but I am just left wondering if he is actually over me or if I still have a chance? I am willing to wait for however long I need but I also don’t want to spend my whole life changing if there is no chance. I am kind of just stepping back right now though because I don’t want to get in his way of happiness. What should I do?
Erica
August 12, 2019 at 4:04 pm
Hello,
My ex bf and i dated for 1 year and a half we both new within the first 3 months of dating that we were going to get married we even went ring shopping because he wanted to know what i liked. I have a 7 year old daughter that he loved and his family loved and opened up their heart with no doubt we were going to be together forever. Everything was amazing and wonderful i was head over heels still until after we hit our one year anniversary things began to go downhill he stopped putting effort but wanted me to move in with him. He was always complaining and nagging at me to stay the night and i had work and school and just wanted to be at my place sometimes. I felt myself pulling away and i was getting cold feet of moving in because of how angry he would get that i didn’t go over. That was going on for a 3 months and finally he broke up with me in anger because i wasn’t there when he got home from work one morning. He packed mine and my daughter stuff of what we had there and he was cold and didn’t want nothing more to do with me. He said he was done. 3 days before we broke up we were planning a getaway trip just me and him because we need us time and i agreed so that we can get that romance and spark back, i was going to tell him how i felt and progress from there and so when he broke up with me i got scared and told him how sorry i was and he said he just hadn’t been happy with our relationship anymore and we should both move on. Of course i cried and begged him back it didn’t work and he didn’t care. So i looked to the internet for help and came across your page and i studied it so i immediately went into no contact and by 3 weeks later i found out he was already dating another girl and taking her out and its somebody i know. I’m devastated, i want my future husband back, any feedback will help.
Ayesha
April 19, 2019 at 2:04 pm
Hi,
Me and my Ex were together for 1year and 7 months. He had an Ex girlfriend that still has a feelings for him and keep on showing in there house almost every week bringing food and having a long talk with his family. She already doing it even when my ex boyfriend and I were not yet couple until we became couple. I asked my ex if he still had feelings for her and he said that he has no feelings for her and he don’t want to get back with her even if his ex is always asking to be together again that’s why I believed him because he keep on telling me that he wants to marry me. I already talk to him that he should tell his ex girlfriend that she should stop what she is doing and my ex boyfriend told me that he already telling it to her but still the girl continue doing, the good thing is that my ex was starting to avoid her as possible.
Me and my Ex were already together for 7 months when i received a job opportunity in diffrent location so I grabbed it. When I told him about it he became frustrated, bothered and worried because he don’t want us to be separated but I have no choice but to accept the job and I promised him that I will be back after 1 year and he told me that he will wait for me. So we’ve been LDR for almost 12months. On that 12months of being LDR lot of things happened: His ex is still visiting his house and his family, when his family had a some issue financially and when they asked help from her then she provide it right away i also help them with there financial issue there is no problem with me for that. Last year August someone offerred him a business, for me I don’t want him to proceed on that business but he told me that it is an opportunity and it can change his life so I let him proceed on that business and support him, after a week his ex heard about the business that he is doing and support him also on that and helping him, which is very alarming to me because they can communicate a lot. When he was starting his business we are both okay together there is nothing wrong in our relationship but after 2 months he changed a lot he easily get annoyed by me because he was pressured to make his business successful so we had less communication and starting to became cold to me. When it was November he was unable to continue his business due to lack of money and became depress. Mid of the same month he told me that he fell out of love for me and said that he don’t have other woman, we didn’t actually end our relationship on that day but he was so cold as days goes by, I am calling him and texting him hoping that the love that he had to me will be back but he keep on ignoring me. On December I went home for a vacation and also to meet up with him to talk. Upon meeting him I never expect that he will broke up with me, he said that he fall out of love and he don’t have other woman and he also need space and want to find himself, I asked him what if the day will come that he will like someone he told me that if the day will come that he will like someone he will not going to make a move unless he became okay because he don’t want to happen again what happened to us. So we really broke up even if I dont want it and begging him to stay. After our meet up I sent him a message to stay with me but he just blocked me in messenger then deactivated his account, he also blocked my mobile number, and after 2weeks he created new facebook account but I never try contacting him again even if I already knew his new account. After 2months since we broke up I found out that my ex and his ex got back together maybe before 1month or after 1month after we broke up, I sent him a message in his new facebook account why he lied but I received no response and he just blocked me in messenger and then when I checked his instagram he removed our picture together which he used it to be his profile picture which he didn’t do after we broke up, a few days after, he blocked me in instagram. I also noyiced that his current girlfriend blocked me in facebook even if I don’t harrass her.
I am just a little confuse if his current relationship is a rebound or not. My mind keep on asking me why he is doing this to me.
Chris Seiter
April 19, 2019 at 8:51 pm
HI Ayesha…rebounds are not unusual – sot it is very possible. At this stage, its best to have a sensible ex recovery Plan, so I suggest you give a good look at my Program (EBR PRO) to help you thru this process.
Victoria
December 29, 2018 at 6:04 pm
Me and ex were together for 4 years on and off and share a 2 year old daughter. We would always split then he would do what he wants then come back saying he loves me but nothing would change so I stopped giving him the chances, he was saying he still loved me 2 months ago and no he has met somone and is going out with her , he keeps changing his what’s app picture to him and her every time they have a new picture together I’m guessing for me to see, he was only contacting me if it was about our daughter but last week he sent me a message asking what time I was dropping her off Christmas Day and I told him I didn’t no yet so he said ok but then carried on messaging me and if I didn’t reply would send another fhen he cane out with that Ella (our daughter) likes my new girlfriend and I’m not saying this just to get you , and that he’s happy and hopes I am to to which I replied ok good even tho it was killing me inside , then he carried on going on about how happy he was and I just ignored it then he said “but you do no if I think somone isn’t suitable to be around Ella I have a say” meaning if I meet somone , I didn’t reply then he started getting nasty with me about other things and trying to pick fight to which I was either replying ok or not at all, since then I havnt heard off him unless about our daughter, is this relationship a rebound or should I be worried because I’m going out my mind as I do really miss him. Please help.
M
March 6, 2018 at 11:09 pm
Question: No Contact + Rebound??
Hello! I’d really appreciate your help on this:
Boyfriend and I were involved for 3 years in a very serious committed relationship. We discussed marriage, moving in and were very serious about it, he even bought me a promise ring. (We would have been in a relationship 3 years in two weeks). I broke up with him in August because we were butting heads too much for the last 9 months (little did I know it was because he was depressed) He begged me to come back.
We started dating again in October but I kept saying we couldn’t be official/exclusive (because I was afraid but he didn’t know that). He was very excited, as was I and (although it seemed otherwise on my part) neither of us dated anyone else and he was very adamant about that; that he was only focusing on me because “the girl he loved was back in his life”. It was rough because we weren’t communicating. He slipped and said he loved me and then one day we both admitted it to each other. But when he asked me “so now what” I got scared and said we still needed time. He took that as we’re still not exclusive. Bad communication. He started to put up a wall after that and on New Years we got into a stupid fight. He got mad at me and blocked me for one month (January-Feb) Where he refused to end it (even though I begged and said just say something at this point even to end it) and held onto my things this whole time. One month ago (feb 5) I asked him to come by and give me my things (he was a little petty but I apologized for what I did wrong and he softened) He cried, he said it was a shame, that we could hang out one day and be friends, he unblocked me and opened communication. Said it doesnt always work out and when I said not ever? He said I don’t know, not right now. He said “there’s a difference between loving someone and caring for them but wanting to remove yourself from the cycle.
Two weeks later it was his birthday. I wished him a happy birthday and he thanked me, saying he appreciated it Since then I’ve tried implementing No Contact.
Now it has been a month since he brought me my things, two weeks since his birthday/last spoke. On his birthday, he thanked a girl for making his day special and posted a picture of a cupcake I assume she gave him in an apartment I know isn’t his. Now A month later, a friend of mine who works with him says it’s going around the office that he plans on making this same girl his official girlfriend via social media this week or next week; that they’ve been talking since January! He couldn’t have given himself time to grieve.
Please advise: Is this likely a rebound? I tell myself he couldn’t possibly establish a strong connection so soon. He’s also 30 and I am his third girlfriend, he takes relationships very seriously so this seems left field. Before me, he waited 9 months to get into another relationship.
Should I still do no contact? I know the articles say waiting too long gives them time to get closer. What should my next step be? Please help, I still love him very much and wish we could make this work, especially knowing it was always lack of communication, never lack of love which we both admitted.
Imogen
January 25, 2018 at 6:52 pm
My ex and I broke up in November. About a month before we almost broke up because we’d become distant due to long distance and weren’t making the effort to talk to each other. We had a massive talk and he was crying telling me he would always love me and didn’t want to lose me. For the next month everything was fine but then suddenly one day we just didn’t speak and then the next day we broke up. He told me I felt more like a friend to him and that he didn’t feel like he loved me anymore but when we met up he was absolutely devastated and crying his eyes out. He had told me he loved me a few days before and that he missed me so this all came out of the blue to me. We were together for 2 years and were so happy it’s just going from living together to being long distance was hard. I can’t see how he fell out of love with me in the space of a month. My question is do you think he still loves me or not? He also starting dating a new girl 5 weeks after we broke up the day they met each other and they’ve been moving very fast since, posting all over social media etc, so has he actually fallen out of love with me and moved on?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 25, 2018 at 9:41 pm
Frankly, there’s a possibility that he has or that he is in the honeymoon phase with the rebound.
Imo
January 25, 2018 at 3:10 pm
My ex and I broke up in November. About a month before we almost broke up because we’d become distant due to long distance and weren’t making the effort to talk to each other. We had a massive talk and he was crying telling me he would always love me and didn’t want to lose me. For the next month everything was fine but then suddenly one day we just didn’t speak and then the next day we broke up. He told me I felt more like a friend to him and that he didn’t feel like he loved me anymore but when we met up he was absolutely devastated and crying his eyes out. He had told me he loved me a few days before and that he missed me so this all came out of the blue to me. We were together for 2 years and were so happy it’s just going from living together to being long distance was hard. I can’t see how he fell out of love with me in the space of a month. My question is do you think he still loves me or not? He also starting dating a new girl 5 weeks after we broke up the day they met each other and they’ve been moving very fast since, posting all over social media etc, so has he actually fallen out of love with me and moved on?
Emma
January 23, 2018 at 7:31 pm
So my boyfriend and I split up back in September. We were together for 4 years (on and off for 4 years before that as well)
We split because we were at different stages in our lives, he wanted to settle and commit…I just wasn’t quite there yet – slowly heading in that direction but it wasn’t soon enough for him. We would argue and almost split up multiple times but neither of us could end the relationship.
The weekend before we split up he went to Berlin with friends where he met this American girl who had moved to Berlin. They must have instantly clicked and when he returned home he broke up with me. We were both very upset and he was questioning whether he was making the biggest mistake of his life.
We barely spoke after the breakup because I knew about this girl. When he returned home the girl went travelling in Asia for some months and they kept in touch the whole time. She returned in December and come over here to stay with him. During that week my ex contacted me (we had had 6/7 weeks of no contact) telling me that he missed me very much. We were going to meet up but our schedules clashed. The following week he then went out to stay with her and on New Year’s Eve they got into a relationship.
My question to you is, do you think this is a rebound? They seem pretty serious, posting pics together and constantly in contact.
This whole situation has knocked my confidence completely, before he got back in touch I was doing okay but now I feel I am back at square 1!
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 25, 2018 at 5:28 pm
Hi Emma
It looks like this one:
The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends