I have written about rebound relationships exactly one time on this website.
I wrote that post on July 27th of 2013.
Now, as you can tell it has been a long time since then and we are getting questions about rebound relationships on an almost daily basis. Except here’s the difference. With the article above I mainly focused on how to know if your ex is in a rebound relationship and how long it will last.
But I have been noticed that a lot of the questions I am getting about rebound relationships lately have been geared towards knowing if their exes rebound relationship will fail.
Usually it goes a little something like this,
Chris, my ex is in a rebound relationship. But I really think that it’s going to fail. How would I know?
After about the tenth question I got like this and even having my wife send me an email to write something like this,
I decided to break down, put in the time and create a resource to teach people on how to know if their exes rebound relationship is destined to fail.
But before we start to do that I think it’s important to determine if your ex is even in a rebound relationship.
How Do I Know If My Ex Is In A Rebound Relationship?
Well, the long answer is to read this article.
But if I know people (and I know people) you guys probably aren’t interested in the long answer. Nope, you are probably interested in the short answer.
So, here it is.
Rebound Relationship- This is a romantic relationship that your ex enters into pretty quickly after your breakup.
In some cases your ex will start to date someone who they actually met while they were dating you.
So, that’s pretty much the short answer.
But here’s the crazy thing.
Society has stigmas that actually surround rebound relationships.
They are bad…
You should never get in one…
You get the picture…
But do these stigmas hold true?
Well, let’s find out.
Tackling The Stigmas
In 2014 two psychologists by the name of Claudia C. Brumbaugh and Chris Fraley released a paper called “Too Fast, Too Soon.” The goal of this paper was to actually do research on rebound relationships because little research had been done.
The results they found in their investigation actually went against most of the negative stigmas we have of rebound relationships today.
For example, they concluded that people in new relationships were more confident in their desirability and had more resolution over their ex-partner.
In other words, rebound relationships can actually be one of the most healthy things you can do after a breakup to get over your ex.
Now for those of you who just had a panic attack upon hearing this research,
Please calm down.
This is important information that you are going to be able to use to your benefit if you want to get your ex boyfriend back and I will talk about this later.
First though, let’s tackle the next question you are probably wondering in your head.
Will this rebound relationship your ex is in last?
What Are The Odds Of My Exes Rebound Relationship Lasting?
I am not going to lie to you.
I looked everywhere.
And I mean everywhere for concrete data on how long rebound relationships last for but I couldn’t find anything.
Therefore, I am going to have to lean on my own experience for you here.
In my humble opinion, most rebound relationships won’t stand the test of time. Usually the two people break up. I mean, think about that research I cited above.
Studies have found that men and women in rebound relationships feel more desirable and have more power of their ex. Nowhere in that research does it say,
And they lived happily ever after
Relationships where one party uses the other to get over an ex will rarely work and that’s essentially what is happening with rebounds.
Now, we are dealing with a very complex subject here so it would be presumptuous of me to sit here and tell you that I knew exactly when your exes rebound relationship would end.
However, I will say that there are three big data points that you can use to determine this yourself.
- The Seriousness Of Your Relationship
- How Quickly Your Ex Moved On
- How Long Your Ex Has Been Dating The Rebound
Let me expand a bit on each of these points
The Seriousness Of Your Relationship
We already know that your ex moving on and entering a rebound relationship is a step in the right direction for getting over you. Now, it’s going to be pretty darn easy to get over you by entering a rebound relationship if he only dated you for a month as opposed to a year.
Generally the more serious the relationship with you the harder it is to get over the relationship.
How Quickly Your Ex Moved On To The Rebound
I find this data point really fascinating because the quicker your ex moves on to a new relationship after the breakup the more it’s like he is saying that your relationship meant a lot to him and he needs to find a way to cure his pain.
Of course, the flip side of that coin is that the longer it takes him to move on the more he may actually be considering this new girl a worthy girl.
How Long Your Ex Has Been Dating The Rebound
I’ll use the KISS method here.
K – Keep
I – It
S – Short
S – Simple
So, here I go.
The shorter your ex is dating his rebound the more it means that it isn’t a serious relationship. The longer your ex dates the rebound the more serious it becomes.
Ok…. But How Will I Know If His Rebound Relationship Is Imploding?
Ah, and now we get to the meat of this article.
Now, before I start to give you the signs you need to watch out for there is something important we need to discuss first.
It’s something I like to call,
Staying Present In His Mind
Look, as much as I would love to tell you that this is going to be an easy process it’s not. In fact, it’s made even more difficult when researchers come out with proof that moving on and entering a rebound relationship will actually speed up your exes process of getting over you.
Do you remember when I said not to have a panic attack about this and that we can actually use this to our advantage?
Well, it’s time for me to pay up on that promise.
The research I cited above didn’t take into account the strategies that I teach.
Imagine that there are two versions of you.
Version one takes the approach that most people take,
What’s the result of this approach?
Well, it’s probably going to end up with him moving on from you and from the rebound. Obviously that’s not what we want. I mean, sure, we want him to move on from his rebound but we want him to move on from his rebound to YOU!
So, let’s say that version two of you opts to take this approach,
It’s funny, yesterday I was telling my wife about the research I stumbled across that claimed moving on to a rebound was actually one of the smartest things you can do to get over your ex and she had a very interesting take.
I think that is true because if you are dating someone else your focus isn’t so much on your ex. It’s on that person or how dating that person makes you feel.
And she’s kind of right.
The reason that a rebound works to get over your ex is probably due to the fact that you aren’t focusing on your ex.
Of course, the opposite is also true.
If you get your ex to think too much about you during the rebound they aren’t going to necessarily be able to get over you which is kind of what you want.
So, one of the best things you can do is to do subtle things like staying present in your exes mind.
Now, I can already hear the chorus of people saying,
Ok Chris, but how do I do that?
Well, I spoil you guys enough with free content so I am going to save this strategy for my book,
(Hey, I have to save some of the good stuff for paying customers.)
Let’s move on and start talking about signs that your exes rebound relationship is about to implode.
Here’s What Will Happen If Your Exes Rebound Relationship Is Starting To Fail
Now, before I start pointing out specific signs I first need to tell you that we are actually going to operate under a specific assumption.
Going forward we are going to assume that you are doing the things I talk about in PRO to stay present in your exes mind during his rebound relationship.
The way I see it is that your ex is in a relationship with someone else.
Yes, it may be a rebound relationship but as far as the signs go that, that relationship is about to fail there isn’t too much revolutionary things that I can point to towards you.
Nevertheless, I have identified four distinct changes that you will begin to notice if his relationship is about to end with this new girl.
Are you ready?
Sign #1: Your Ex Starts Talking To You A Lot
Can I get personal with you for a moment?
I am going to tell you a rather embarrassing story.
It’s the story of my very first breakup.
Ok, so I believe I was 18 at the time and a senior in high school.
(Geez… that was almost ten years ago)
Anyways, I remember being so happy when I got my first girlfriend. I would pretty much bend over backwards to please her and for the most part things were going great.
However, that all changed around month two of the relationship when I saw she was texting on her phone to someone.
I casually asked her,
“Hey, who are you texting?”
To which she replied,
“Oh, it’s just Wilson”
She then went on to tell me that before she met me she had this major crush on a guy named Wilson but he had never reciprocated her feelings. Of course, now that she had met me she was head over heels in love with me blah blah blah.
All I heard of her explanation was this,
Now, I wasn’t exactly calm when I expressed that I was upset that she was texting this guy so she had promised that she wouldn’t do it anymore if it upset me that much.
And for the most part I didn’t hear too much about Wilson from that moment on.
Well, at least until right before our breakup.
A few weeks before we officially broke up I caught her multiple times texting this Wilson fellow. It’s almost as if she was setting up her next boyfriend in preparation for our breakup.
And essentially that’s exactly what happened.
After we broke up guess who she ended up dating?
So, what’s the point of me telling you this story.
Well, it’s the fact that if you notice your ex boyfriend pick up the pace when it comes to texting you then that could be a good sign that his relationship is almost at an end.
I mean, think about it.
What woman is going to be ok with her man constantly texting his ex?
I haven’t met many.
Sign #2: You Send A “Test Flirt” Text And He Takes The Bait
I think I am pretty clear throughout Ex Boyfriend Recovery with my stance on cheating.
My Stance = Cheating is bad and you shouldn’t ever engage in it.
I feel a need to re-iterate this stance because what I am about to recommend here is kind of in a grey area. It’s a bit risky because there is a temptation to throw caution to the wind and engage in cheating.
Look, you want your ex boyfriend back and that means you are at a high risk of doing something illogical.
The goal here isn’t to impose on his current relationship. It’s to simply test and see how serious he is about it. One of the worst things you can do on this earth is waste your time on someone who isn’t interested in you.
I am simply recommending a “test flirt text” to prevent that from happening.
So, what is this “test flirt text?”
The Test Flirt Text = You are going to send your ex a flirty text to see how he responds.
The goal here is to get information on how to approach things going forward.
I’ll give you an example.
Imagine that you were to send your ex boyfriend a text like this,
And he were to respond like this,
That might be a pretty good indication that he is currently happy in his relationship and is not willing to leave his rebound. Of course, if you were to send this text and he were to respond this way,
This would be an indication that things might not be perfect in his relationship.
Look, here is my thinking.
A man who is truly happy in his relationship wouldn’t engage in flirting with any girls no matter what. How do I know that?
Well, I am a guy who is absolutely happy in my relationship and I haven’t flirted with a girl in over three years.
Now, is this the “be all, end all” litmus test of whether or not your ex boyfriends rebound is on the decline?
But that’s why we have the other signs I am about to talk about.
Sign #3: There Is A Pattern
I am not going to lie to you.
I really debated on whether or not I should even tell you about this one.
Have you ever heard that phrase,
Ignorance is bliss?
Well, the gist of the phrase is that sometimes it’s better not to know the truth as opposed to knowing it. That might be the case here. However, I have taken a sworn oath to be truthful to you so I am going to let you in on this fact.
If you notice that your ex boyfriend has a pattern of jumping from relationship to relationship without any breaks in between then it’s highly likely that his new fling is just that, a fling.
Of course, this is a double edged sword in the fact that if you notice your ex has a pattern you could be a part of that pattern.
I’ll give you a real life example to illustrate my point.
We have already established that a rebound relationship is a type of relationship that your ex enters into pretty quickly after your breakup. Now, what I am putting forth here is that there is a type of man out there who simply jumps from rebound to rebound and never catches his breath in between.
Why would he do that?
Well, it’s how he has learned to cope with the pain of a breakup.
Rather than dealing with it head on he uses another relationship to bury it.
Now, let’s compare that type of a man to me.
After my very first breakup I didn’t enter a relationship again for five years.
Now, I suppose some of you may say that I was scared to enter a relationship again and I am going to be honest with you. A part of me was. However, it’s not due to the fact that I was scared to get hurt again.
Quite the opposite, in fact.
I wanted to take my time to know exactly what I wanted out of a relationship. I wanted to make sure so that my next relationship was successful.
Do you see the difference?
I took the pain on and tried to use it productively.
Sign #4: They Talk About You
This sign sounds relatively simple, right?
I mean, all your ex boyfriend has to do is talk about you.
But I think it’s important to note that when I say “they talk about you” I am really referring to three things.
- Who they are talking to when they talk about you
- Where they are talking about you
- What they say when they talk about you
By looking at these three things we can get a gauge on whether or not he is still hung up on you. And I don’t think it takes a genius to realize that if he is still hung up on you then that means trouble for his current rebound relationship.
So, let’s look at our three things a little more in-depth.
Who Is He Talking To When He Talks About You?
Generally what you are hoping for is a close friend of his.
Now, why do you think you are hoping for a close friend of his as opposed to a close friend of yours?
Well, let’s assume that your ex boyfriend isn’t dumb and he has a brain. He probably understands that if he starts talking to a close friend of yours that it’s eventually going to get back to you. Now, compare that to a close trusted friend of his (which he doesn’t think will get back to you) and it’s that much more powerful.
Where He Is Talking About You?
Is he talking to someone about you on Facebook?
Did he make some bold claim about an ex lover on his wall?
Is he talking to someone about you in person?
This all matters.
Generally, I would say that having him talk to someone about you in person is a bit more powerful because there are things like facial expressions, tone and all that good stuff that you can pick up on to determine the validity of what he is saying.
But honestly these two signs pail in comparison to the big kahuna that is…
What Is He Saying About You?
I want to tell you a story about my ex.
It had been a few months after we had broken up and she had been dating a guy almost immediately after we broke up.
That’s when something very important happened.
My best friend in the world, Wes, got a phone call from her.
Wes, was always one of those guys who women felt they could open up to and my ex, since she obviously dated me wanted to open up to Wes about something,
My new boyfriend… He just doesn’t pay attention to me. It’s not like when I dated Chris. Chris always paid attention to me and even though we fought a lot he was always there for me.
Now, since Wes was my best bud he obviously told me everything.
She was still thinking about me and she was about to end things with her current boyfriend.
Why do you think I told you this story?
Well, I told it to you because generally what someone says about you behind your back is what they truly think about you. So, in my case, if I wanted my ex back, this would have been a great thing to hear. But let’s imagine my ex had nothing but bad things to say about me.
Well, in that case then that’s probably not a good thing.
Sign #5: Social Media Presence Declines
We live in a digital age where Facebook and Twitter rule over almost all.
This is especially true when it comes to relationships.
But let’s switch gears for a moment.
You are aware of this idea of a honeymoon period, right?
Honeymoon Period: A period of time that occurs immediately after you start dating someone where your partner can do no wrong.
Chances are that when your ex first starts dating their rebound partner they are going through a rebound partner.
Breakups rarely occur when everything is all flowers and angels in the relationship.
Instead, they occur after the honeymoon period has ended.
And one of the best indicators that you can use to determine if things are calming down with regards to the honeymoon period is social media.
Now, I am going to admit that I don’t have research backing this claim up so take it with a grain of salt. However, what I am about to say has certainly held true throughout my life.
It’s clear that when you enter a relationship you are constantly tagging, posting picture and liking statuses on social media websites like Facebook.
And why wouldn’t you?
You have just started dating someone new and you are excited to let the world know.
However, no one can keep that up forever.
Eventually we all grow complacent in our relationships and we no longer do those cute things that we used to do.
Keep an eye on your exes profile and see if you start noticing a significant decline in his public communication with his current girlfriend. It could be a sign that the honeymoon period is starting to fade and that’s when a breakup could potentially occur.