Let’s Find Out If Your Exes Rebound Relationship Will Fail

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

I have written about rebound relationships exactly one time on this website.

rebound

I wrote that post on July 27th of 2013.

Now, as you can tell it has been a long time since then and we are getting questions about rebound relationships on an almost daily basis. Except here’s the difference. With the article above I mainly focused on how to know if your ex is in a rebound relationship and how long it will last.

But I have been noticed that a lot of the questions I am getting about rebound relationships lately have been geared towards knowing if their exes rebound relationship will fail.

Usually it goes a little something like this,

Chris, my ex is in a rebound relationship. But I really think that it’s going to fail. How would I know?

After about the tenth question I got like this and even having my wife send me an email to write something like this,

screen-shot-2016-10-18-at-11-50-03-am

I decided to break down, put in the time and create a resource to teach people on how to know if their exes rebound relationship is destined to fail.

But before we start to do that I think it’s important to determine if your ex is even in a rebound relationship.

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How Do I Know If My Ex Is In A Rebound Relationship?

Well, the long answer is to read this article.

But if I know people (and I know people) you guys probably aren’t interested in the long answer. Nope, you are probably interested in the short answer.

So, here it is.

Rebound Relationship- This is a romantic relationship that your ex enters into pretty quickly after your breakup.

In some cases your ex will start to date someone who they actually met while they were dating you.

Ouch, right?

So, that’s pretty much the short answer.

But here’s the crazy thing.

Society has stigmas that actually surround rebound relationships.

Stigmas like,

They are bad…

 

You should never get in one…

 

You get the picture…

But do these stigmas hold true?

Well, let’s find out.

Tackling The Stigmas

In 2014 two psychologists by the name of Claudia C. Brumbaugh and Chris Fraley released a paper called “Too Fast, Too Soon.” The goal of this paper was to actually do research on rebound relationships because little research had been done.

The results they found in their investigation actually went against most of the negative stigmas we have of rebound relationships today.

For example, they concluded that people in new relationships were more confident in their desirability and had more resolution over their ex-partner.

In other words, rebound relationships can actually be one of the most healthy things you can do after a breakup to get over your ex.

Now for those of you who just had a panic attack upon hearing this research,

panic-attack

Please calm down.

This is important information that you are going to be able to use to your benefit if you want to get your ex boyfriend back and I will talk about this later.

First though, let’s tackle the next question you are probably wondering in your head.

Will this rebound relationship your ex is in last?

What Are The Odds Of My Exes Rebound Relationship Lasting?

I am not going to lie to you.

I looked everywhere.

And I mean everywhere for concrete data on how long rebound relationships last for but I couldn’t find anything.

Therefore, I am going to have to lean on my own experience for you here.

In my humble opinion, most rebound relationships won’t stand the test of time. Usually the two people break up. I mean, think about that research I cited above.

Studies have found that men and women in rebound relationships feel more desirable and have more power of their ex. Nowhere in that research does it say,

And they lived happily ever after

Relationships where one party uses the other to get over an ex will rarely work and that’s essentially what is happening with rebounds.

Now, we are dealing with a very complex subject here so it would be presumptuous of me to sit here and tell you that I knew exactly when your exes rebound relationship would end.

However, I will say that there are three big data points that you can use to determine this yourself.

  1. The Seriousness Of Your Relationship
  2. How Quickly Your Ex Moved On
  3. How Long Your Ex Has Been Dating The Rebound

Let me expand a bit on each of these points

The Seriousness Of Your Relationship

We already know that your ex moving on and entering a rebound relationship is a step in the right direction for getting over you. Now, it’s going to be pretty darn easy to get over you by entering a rebound relationship if he only dated you for a month as opposed to a year.

Generally the more serious the relationship with you the harder it is to get over the relationship.

How Quickly Your Ex Moved On To The Rebound

I find this data point really fascinating because the quicker your ex moves on to a new relationship after the breakup the more it’s like he is saying that your relationship meant a lot to him and he needs to find a way to cure his pain.

Of course, the flip side of that coin is that the longer it takes him to move on the more he may actually be considering this new girl a worthy girl.

How Long Your Ex Has Been Dating The Rebound

I’ll use the KISS method here.

K – Keep

I – It

S – Short

S – Simple

So, here I go.

The shorter your ex is dating his rebound the more it means that it isn’t a serious relationship. The longer your ex dates the rebound the more serious it becomes.

Ok…. But How Will I Know If His Rebound Relationship Is Imploding?

Ah, and now we get to the meat of this article.

Now, before I start to give you the signs you need to watch out for there is something important we need to discuss first.

It’s something I like to call,

Staying Present In His Mind

Look, as much as I would love to tell you that this is going to be an easy process it’s not. In fact, it’s made even more difficult when researchers come out with proof that moving on and entering a rebound relationship will actually speed up your exes process of getting over you.

Do you remember when I said not to have a panic attack about this and that we can actually use this to our advantage?

Well, it’s time for me to pay up on that promise.

The research I cited above didn’t take into account the strategies that I teach.

Imagine that there are two versions of you.

Version one takes the approach that most people take,

version-1

What’s the result of this approach?

Well, it’s probably going to end up with him moving on from you and from the rebound. Obviously that’s not what we want. I mean, sure, we want him to move on from his rebound but we want him to move on from his rebound to YOU!

So, let’s say that version two of you opts to take this approach,

version-1

It’s funny, yesterday I was telling my wife about the research I stumbled across that claimed moving on to a rebound was actually one of the smartest things you can do to get over your ex and she had a very interesting take.

I think that is true because if you are dating someone else your focus isn’t so much on your ex. It’s on that person or how dating that person makes you feel.

And she’s kind of right.

The reason that a rebound works to get over your ex is probably due to the fact that you aren’t focusing on your ex.

Of course, the opposite is also true.

If you get your ex to think too much about you during the rebound they aren’t going to necessarily be able to get over you which is kind of what you want.

So, one of the best things you can do is to do subtle things like staying present in your exes mind.

Now, I can already hear the chorus of people saying,

Ok Chris, but how do I do that?

Well, I spoil you guys enough with free content so I am going to save this strategy for my book,

ExBoyfriend Recovery PRO

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(Hey, I have to save some of the good stuff for paying customers.)

Let’s move on and start talking about signs that your exes rebound relationship is about to implode.

Here’s What Will Happen If Your Exes Rebound Relationship Is Starting To Fail

Now, before I start pointing out specific signs I first need to tell you that we are actually going to operate under a specific assumption.

Going forward we are going to assume that you are doing the things I talk about in PRO to stay present in your exes mind during his rebound relationship.

Get it?

Got it?

Good!

The way I see it is that your ex is in a relationship with someone else.

Yes, it may be a rebound relationship but as far as the signs go that, that relationship is about to fail there isn’t too much revolutionary things that I can point to towards you.

Nevertheless, I have identified four distinct changes that you will begin to notice if his relationship is about to end with this new girl.

Are you ready?

Sign #1: Your Ex Starts Talking To You A Lot

Can I get personal with you for a moment?

I am going to tell you a rather embarrassing story.

It’s the story of my very first breakup.

Ok, so I believe I was 18 at the time and a senior in high school.

(Geez… that was almost ten years ago)

Anyways, I remember being so happy when I got my first girlfriend. I would pretty much bend over backwards to please her and for the most part things were going great.

However, that all changed around month two of the relationship when I saw she was texting on her phone to someone.

I casually asked her,

“Hey, who are you texting?”

To which she replied,

“Oh, it’s just Wilson”

She then went on to tell me that before she met me she had this major crush on a guy named Wilson but he had never reciprocated her feelings. Of course, now that she had met me she was head over heels in love with me blah blah blah.

All I heard of her explanation was this,

wilson

Now, I wasn’t exactly calm when I expressed that I was upset that she was texting this guy so she had promised that she wouldn’t do it anymore if it upset me that much.

And for the most part I didn’t hear too much about Wilson from that moment on.

Well, at least until right before our breakup.

A few weeks before we officially broke up I caught her multiple times texting this Wilson fellow. It’s almost as if she was setting up her next boyfriend in preparation for our breakup.

And essentially that’s exactly what happened.

After we broke up guess who she ended up dating?

WILSON!

So, what’s the point of me telling you this story.

Well, it’s the fact that if you notice your ex boyfriend pick up the pace when it comes to texting you then that could be a good sign that his relationship is almost at an end.

I mean, think about it.

What woman is going to be ok with her man constantly texting his ex?

I haven’t met many.

Sign #2: You Send A “Test Flirt” Text And He Takes The Bait

I think I am pretty clear throughout Ex Boyfriend Recovery with my stance on cheating.

My Stance = Cheating is bad and you shouldn’t ever engage in it.

I feel a need to re-iterate this stance because what I am about to recommend here is kind of in a grey area. It’s a bit risky because there is a temptation to throw caution to the wind and engage in cheating.

Look, you want your ex boyfriend back and that means you are at a high risk of doing something illogical.

The goal here isn’t to impose on his current relationship. It’s to simply test and see how serious he is about it. One of the worst things you can do on this earth is waste your time on someone who isn’t interested in you.

I am simply recommending a “test flirt text” to prevent that from happening.

So, what is this “test flirt text?”

The Test Flirt Text = You are going to send your ex a flirty text to see how he responds.

The goal here is to get information on how to approach things going forward.

I’ll give you an example.

Imagine that you were to send your ex boyfriend a text like this,

screen-shot-2016-10-20-at-12-16-06-pm

And he were to respond like this,

screen-shot-2016-10-20-at-12-17-19-pm

That might be a pretty good indication that he is currently happy in his relationship and is not willing to leave his rebound. Of course, if you were to send this text and he were to respond this way,

screen-shot-2016-10-20-at-12-20-10-pm

This would be an indication that things might not be perfect in his relationship.

Look, here is my thinking.

A man who is truly happy in his relationship wouldn’t engage in flirting with any girls no matter what. How do I know that?

Well, I am a guy who is absolutely happy in my relationship and I haven’t flirted with a girl in over three years.

Now, is this the “be all, end all” litmus test of whether or not your ex boyfriends rebound is on the decline?

No…

But that’s why we have the other signs I am about to talk about.

Sign #3: There Is A Pattern

I am not going to lie to you.

I really debated on whether or not I should even tell you about this one.

Have you ever heard that phrase,

Ignorance is bliss?

Well, the gist of the phrase is that sometimes it’s better not to know the truth as opposed to knowing it. That might be the case here. However, I have taken a sworn oath to be truthful to you so I am going to let you in on this fact.

If you notice that your ex boyfriend has a pattern of jumping from relationship to relationship without any breaks in between then it’s highly likely that his new fling is just that, a fling.

Of course, this is a double edged sword in the fact that if you notice your ex has a pattern you could be a part of that pattern.

I’ll give you a real life example to illustrate my point.

We have already established that a rebound relationship is a type of relationship that your ex enters into pretty quickly after your breakup. Now, what I am putting forth here is that there is a type of man out there who simply jumps from rebound to rebound and never catches his breath in between.

Why would he do that?

Well, it’s how he has learned to cope with the pain of a breakup.

Rather than dealing with it head on he uses another relationship to bury it.

Now, let’s compare that type of a man to me.

After my very first breakup I didn’t enter a relationship again for five years.

Now, I suppose some of you may say that I was scared to enter a relationship again and I am going to be honest with you. A part of me was. However, it’s not due to the fact that I was scared to get hurt again.

Quite the opposite, in fact.

I wanted to take my time to know exactly what I wanted out of a relationship. I wanted to make sure so that my next relationship was successful.

Do you see the difference?

I took the pain on and tried to use it productively.

Sign #4: They Talk About You

This sign sounds relatively simple, right?

I mean, all your ex boyfriend has to do is talk about you.

But I think it’s important to note that when I say “they talk about you” I am really referring to three things.

  1. Who they are talking to when they talk about you
  2. Where they are talking about you
  3. What they say when they talk about you

By looking at these three things we can get a gauge on whether or not he is still hung up on you. And I don’t think it takes a genius to realize that if he is still hung up on you then that means trouble for his current rebound relationship.

So, let’s look at our three things a little more in-depth.

Who Is He Talking To When He Talks About You?

Generally what you are hoping for is a close friend of his.

Now, why do you think you are hoping for a close friend of his as opposed to a close friend of yours?

Well, let’s assume that your ex boyfriend isn’t dumb and he has a brain. He probably understands that if he starts talking to a close friend of yours that it’s eventually going to get back to you. Now, compare that to a close trusted friend of his (which he doesn’t think will get back to you) and it’s that much more powerful.

Where He Is Talking About You?

Is he talking to someone about you on Facebook?

Did he make some bold claim about an ex lover on his wall?

Is he talking to someone about you in person?

This all matters.

Generally, I would say that having him talk to someone about you in person is a bit more powerful because there are things like facial expressions, tone and all that good stuff that you can pick up on to determine the validity of what he is saying.

But honestly these two signs pail in comparison to the big kahuna that is…

What Is He Saying About You?

I want to tell you a story about my ex.

It had been a few months after we had broken up and she had been dating a guy almost immediately after we broke up.

That’s when something very important happened.

My best friend in the world, Wes, got a phone call from her.

Interesting, huh?

Wes, was always one of those guys who women felt they could open up to and my ex, since she obviously dated me wanted to open up to Wes about something,

My new boyfriend… He just doesn’t pay attention to me. It’s not like when I dated Chris. Chris always paid attention to me and even though we fought a lot he was always there for me.

Now, since Wes was my best bud he obviously told me everything.

She was still thinking about me and she was about to end things with her current boyfriend.

Why do you think I told you this story?

Well, I told it to you because generally what someone says about you behind your back is what they truly think about you. So, in my case, if I wanted my ex back, this would have been a great thing to hear. But let’s imagine my ex had nothing but bad things to say about me.

Well, in that case then that’s probably not a good thing.

Sign #5: Social Media Presence Declines

We live in a digital age where Facebook and Twitter rule over almost all.

This is especially true when it comes to relationships.

But let’s switch gears for a moment.

You are aware of this idea of a honeymoon period, right?

Honeymoon Period: A period of time that occurs immediately after you start dating someone where your partner can do no wrong.

Chances are that when your ex first starts dating their rebound partner they are going through a rebound partner.

Breakups rarely occur when everything is all flowers and angels in the relationship.

Instead, they occur after the honeymoon period has ended.

And one of the best indicators that you can use to determine if things are calming down with regards to the honeymoon period is social media.

Now, I am going to admit that I don’t have research backing this claim up so take it with a grain of salt. However, what I am about to say has certainly held true throughout my life.

It’s clear that when you enter a relationship you are constantly tagging, posting picture and liking statuses on social media websites like Facebook.

And why wouldn’t you?

You have just started dating someone new and you are excited to let the world know.

However, no one can keep that up forever.

Eventually we all grow complacent in our relationships and we no longer do those cute things that we used to do.

Keep an eye on your exes profile and see if you start noticing a significant decline in his public communication with his current girlfriend. It could be a sign that the honeymoon period is starting to fade and that’s when a breakup could potentially occur.

February 1, 2017

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What Do You Think? (95)

  1. Nana - 0

    Nana

    I and my ex broke up on end of November last year. and never contacted each other. But He is still following my posts and sometimes “like” it.

    I found out that he started to dating new girlfriend almost same period with we just broke up ( in November) . He didn’t know that I knew it until today. Somehow My FB showed ( people you might know….that was her (his new girl) page, I noticed that because her profile pic showed they were sitting together under the beautiful view…so .I left a comment there said “beautiful couple and great View!”

    I don’t know if I did wrong thing with wrote comments ? Because I was mad, that he was suspected me have another guy (that was the reason we broke up, he had trust issues) but he actually got new girlfriend already. So I wanted let him know that I already knew his new girlfriend (maybe too late…)

    Then, he found out my comment, let her deleted that pictures right away .and he also sent messages said ‘ hi, how are you? Hope you everything good.’ , I didn’t respond. Then one hour later, he sent another text” sorry I bothered you, take care’.

    My question is, what he is thinking about? should I respond him message? And …do I still have chance to get him back?
    I already got text bible, but don’t know what should I do…

    Please help me

    Thank you!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it’s hard to say what he really is thinking about but if you want to try, then you have to start talking with him again.

    • Nana - 0

      Nana

      Thank you Amor.
      I sent a text to him ,told him that I am doing good.then,he responded me and told me he is actually living with her together now because she is pregnant . And he told me he still remembers good memories with me, and he is still thinking I’m a wonderful person. He doesn’t want to me mad…. ….kind like that

      My question is, does he still want to get me back? Or just trying be nice to me?
      She got pregnant after one month we broke up, so I guess my ex rebounded to her and made her pregnant during his trip ( in November). So, is his rebound relationship getting serious relationship?

      Anyway, I know that I should move on…sad…

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      let’s he does miss you but with his situation, it’s going to be complicated.. you should move on…if he wants you, he has to make things right first.

  2. Raine - 0

    Raine

    I don’t think my comment posted so I’m posting one again.

    My ex boyfriend and I were together for a little under 4 years. We have been broken up for at least 1 1/2 years now. Had has been courting this girl recently (a classmate of his) for about 4 months now and he already loves her. He told me that he still has feelings for me Christmas 2016 but then he was already courting this girl. He told me that the girl was there when he was down in the dumps and she sort of saved him and he then developed feelings for her. In his own words it was sort of like a Prince Charming complex. He fell for someone whobsaved him. He recently told me that he was sorry for telling me that he did not love me anymore because the truth was that he still does, but he learned to handle it properly and that he learned to love again. And that the love he has for this girl knocks-out the love has has for me, along with all of our memories together.
    Now I know that it has been a long time since we have been in a relationship and this may actually be a serious relationship. But sometimes I feel that maybe he is just replacing our relationship with this new one. He usually is serious when it comes to relationships and he never goes into one that has no future in it. I still love my ex boyfriend despite him blaming the whole breakup on me. And I really want to get back together with him.
    I do not know what to do. Do I still have a chance to win him back? What should I do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      approach it like she’s a grass is greener.. follow the advice in this one:
      What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Moves On To A New Girl (Video)

    • Raine - 0

      Raine

      Hey Amor,

      Thanks for the advice. The being there strategy is genius.

    • Raine - 0

      Raine

      Hey Amor,

      Just a quick question. Is the grass is greener and being there approach still applicable even if my ex rates our relationship or me as a girlfriend low (maybe a 2-3)? This is because he is basing the rating on the ending of the relationship and not the relationship as a whole. Is that hurting my chances, especially since he is creating new and better memories with his new girl.
      Thanks for the help.

    • Raine - 0

      Raine

      Hey Amor,
      Im not sure if my comment posted again.
      I just had another question. Is the Grass is Greener and Being There approach still applicable even if my ex thinks so lowly of our relationship because he is basing his rating of our relationship on the ending and not the whole 4 year relationsyearwe had. Thanks for getting back to me.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      that’s actually the reason why you should use the being there approach, so you can change how he sees you and that’s also why you should massively improve yourself.

    • Raine - 0

      Raine

      Thanks Amor, I see where you’re coming from. Thanks for the insight.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      You’re welcome!

  3. Raine - 0

    Raine

    Hi Amor,
    My ex boyfriend and I were together for a little under 4 years. We have been broke up for about a year and a half and he is now courting a girl for about 4 months now and he says its serious and that he loves her. He says that he loves her because the girl saved him in a time where he was really down in the dumps and eventually came to love her. He himself said that it was like a Prince Charming effect. He says that his feelings for me havent really gone away, that he does still love me but not the same as before and that he has learned to love another person. And that new love knocks-out the love he has for me away, along with all of the memories we have together. Sometimes I feel like he is just replacing our old relationship with this new one but I can never be too sure because he is serious when it comes to relationships and never does he go into one that he doesnt see a future in it.
    Now I know its been a long time since we have been together and this may really be a serious relationship but I really want to get back together with my ex.
    What should I do?

    Reply
  4. Gail - 0

    Gail

    I’m not sure if my last comment posted, so I’m trying again.

    My ex-boyfriend and I were together for 4 years and it has been a yeah and a half since we have broken up (November 2015). During the breakup he had been casually asking to get back together but I refused because he did not show much effort. He recently told me that up until October 2016 he was still open to us getting back together, but (maybe) due to peer pressure he moved on because his friends told him he had been wallowing for too long. The following month he has started going out with a new girl. We had open communication ever since and I even told him I wanted to get back together on February 2017. However he rejected me because he said that he did not want to seem like a player by dropping the new girl, that he did not want to hurt the new girl, and that he was in-love and happy with the new girl and that everything was going easy (although he hasnt told his family about this girl). We had been talking daily up until the last week of March 2017 because the new girl’s friend saw that he was communicating with me. So he has now stopped all forms of communication so he would not hurt the girl and so that he maee it clear that he is still angry and hurting from the things I have done to him.

    My ex-boyfriend is the type of guy to take relationships seriously thats why it is hard for me to decipher whether the new girl is a rebound or not. But the way he has been acting, saying he is already in-love and that he still is very much bitter and angry at me for what happened between us shows that he has not completely moved on. I think that he is having a difficult time deciding what to do (given that he has someone who loves him but hurt him and a new girl who he has just started seeing that has potential). Maybe he is just letting his anger takeover and that he is being stubborn (he really is head-strong) by not listening to his emotional side. At one point when he was angry he told me that he will prove to me that he and the new girl will be end-game.

    Is the new girl a rebound? I’m 3 days in the NC phase, should I continue NC even if already has blocked me and has not been replying prior to the NC? What should I do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Gail,

      yes, she’s probably a rebound.. And do at least 30 days of nc.. be active in improving yourself and in posting in social media even if you’re blocked..

    • Gail - 0

      Gail

      Hi Amor,

      Thanks for the advice. I will continue the NC and see what happens. Thank you again.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      You’re welcome!

    • Gail - 0

      Gail

      Hey Amor,

      A mutual friend of my ex and I told me that I should just move on and that trying to get back together now is just too late because he has someone new in his life. This friend of ours told me that he was serious courting the new girl and that he is really happy with her. In fact, this friend told me that keeping in contact with me makes my ex feel guilty and it was stressful for my ex to hide that we were still in contact to other people. According to our friend my ex has liked this new girl since August 2016 but he never pursued her becausehe was still in-love with me. And he even admitted to our mutual friend that he still had feelings for me around December 2016.
      When my ex and I were talking early this year he told me that if things dont work out with the new girl he would consider giving us another shot. It sounds like Ii just his backup and that there is no reason for him to actually choose me over the new girl unless he gets dumped.
      I know you said this girl was probably a rebound but things arent looking too good for me. What should I do?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      stop talking to the mutual friend about your ex.. because whatever you say to that friend will reach him.. I think you need to restart the count of nc..

    • Gail - 0

      Gail

      Hi Amor,

      Thanks for getting back to me. I will stop talking to our mutual friend. And I think I need to restart the count for NC. Thanks for the advice.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      ok, restart nc.. you’re welcome!

  5. Gail - 0

    Gail

    My ex-boyfriend and I were together for 4 years and it has been a yeah and a half since we have broken up (November 2015). During the breakup he had been casually asking to get back together but I refused because he did not show much effort. He recently told me that up until October 2016 he was still open to us getting back together, but (maybe) due to peer pressure he moved on because his friends told him he had been wallowing for too long. The following month he has started going out with a new girl. We had open communication ever since and I even told him I wanted to get back together on February 2017. However he rejected me because he said that he did not want to seem like a player by dropping the new girl, that he did not want to hurt the new girl, and that he was in-love and happy with the new girl and that everything was going easy (although he hasnt told his family about this girl). We had been talking daily up until the last week of March 2017 because the new girl’s friend saw that he was communicating with me. So he has now stopped all forms of communication so he would not hurt the girl and so that he maee it clear that he is still angry and hurting from the things I have done to him.
    Is the new girl a rebound? And should I continue NC even if already has blocked me and has not been replying prior to the NC? What should I do?

    Reply
    • Gail - 0

      Gail

      Update:
      My ex-boyfriend is the type of guy to take relationships seriously thats why it is hard for me to decioher whether the new girl is a rebound or not. But the way he has been acting, saying he is already in-love and that he still is very much bitrer and angry at me for what happened between us shows that he has not completely moved on. And that maybe he is just letting his anger takeover and that being stubborn (he really is head-strong) to listen to his emotional side and at one point he told me that he will prove to me that he and the new girl will be end-game.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Gail,

      yes, she’s probably a rebound.. And do at least 30 days of nc.. be active in improving yourself and in posting in social media even if you’re blocked..

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Gail,

      yes, she’s probably a rebound.. And do at least 30 days of nc.. be active in improving yourself and in posting in social media even if you’re blocked..

  6. Casey - 0

    Casey

    I was with my ex for the last six years, we broke up two and half years ago after I found out he cheated. I packed up all my stuff and moved 7 hours away. I didn’t contact him for a month he begged me back. I was in love with him and missed him so much. The next year was great this past year has been terrible. I have trust issues and insecurities and being in a long distance relationship was hard. I found out he was on. Craigslist and match texts from bartenders and lies. I completely became this psychotic bitch breaking things just all bad. I went and saw him two weeks ago it didn’t go very well. He likes to drink and I’m not a good drunk. It has been completely toxic. We have this amazing connection and we love one another. Well he met some bartender and now they are in a relationship it has barely been two weeks. He sent me her picture said terrible things told me how she was so much better. I told him if it was so serious why don’t they updated their FB status within five minutes the both had they were in a relationship. My ex is very successful he’s in his 50’s I’m younger. They haven’t liked any of their status or pictures. I don’t know what to do. I know I have to do the NC, get myself healthy. Do you think this relationship is anything serious and what do I do to get him back. I know we both need counseling it’s been so hard. I have been so invested and he just runs to some sluzzy with huge tits.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Casey,

      you mean you got back together after breaking up two years ago right? You actually said what you need to do.. Start nc and be very active in improving yourself. Be active in posting in social media but dont social media stalk them..

  7. Chambers - 0

    Chambers

    I’m a male in my thirties and was with my partner for 5 years. We were long distance with me returning to NYC from SF next month. In September, he met someone who lives in Canada but was visiting NYC for business and my partner basically fell for him and told me that it made him have doubts about us. After a month of me flying out there to talk things out with my partner, we decided to “go on break” so he could finish grad school and find a job, etc. We decided 2 months, no contact.

    We spoke here and there- after 6 weeks of NC I suddenly emailed him before Christmas and the response I got was a bit surprising. It was very cold and distant and in it he basically started bringing up things that were long in the past and that he never brought up before as issues – he alluded to the fact that he was unhappy for the last 2 years we were together which didn’t really make sense to me and sounded like him rationalizing his decision. He also admitted that he was spending the holidays with the new guy up in Canada.

    I went to NYC last week on business and I reached out to him and he was agreeable, if not excited, to meet me. We had blocked each other on social media so neither of us knows what the other is up to. When he arrived, he began telling me that he was hoping I had moved on because he is now “with” the guy from Canada. He said it was serious, that the two had fallen for each other the night they met and he admitted that when he said to me to go “on break”- it was really so he could pursue the guy. He isn’t thinking long term and doesn’t seem to care that there is no happy ending here unless one of them switch citizenships.

    It was an upsetting conversation and sadly it just downgraded into an argument for an hour before he finally left and said “I didn’t want to meet with you…because I didn’t want to hurt you again”.

    The next day we emailed each other and he basically said “I do miss you a lot, and I am curious to hear about all the events of your life and it could be I made the biggest mistake of my life ending things with you as you are returning to NYC next month, but I am following my heart. I would really like to meet you for coffee or dinner one night when you are back here, but only if you are okay with it. I do not want to talk about “us” anymore. We are over, and I am with someone else. If this hurts you and you can’t accept it, then I understand and will trust that at some point we will talk when the time is right- but if you can be okay with just a friendly catch up, let’s do that when you are back”

    I know the way I painted him sounds a bit like a selfish jerk- he wasn’t ever like this and I know him well enough to know that he doesn’t really intend to do/say the things he does, he is fumbling through a situation he has never been in before. I’ve thought about it over the last 4-5 months and do want to give things a real shot with me back in NYC (and I made a lot of my own mistakes during the last year of our relationship) but wondering if I should just back off and let this take it’s course when I am back in NYC or if I should try to replace some of the last negative memories and stigma that he associates (I didn’t take the break up well and had done a few of the classic mistakes such as the novel length emails, the giving into to anything he wanted, being angry, inducing guilt, etc) with our end that must make the new guy very appealing in comparison.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Chambers,
      The thing is he thinks you’re chasing him. I think if you want to meet, meet. But just to establish that you’re ok. Don’t say you want to be friends, just be friendly. After that, try the no contact rule but the difference is you have to unblock him and be very active in improving yourself and in posting in social media, to help establish that you are moving on before slowly rebuilding rapport.

  8. Nic - 0

    Nic

    I’m not sure if my last comment posted, so I’m trying again.

    I was wondering if someone that you previously dated could be a rebound relationship. My ex-boyfriend of about a month seems to have reconnected with a girl that he was previously sort of dating prior to he and I meeting. When I say sort of dating, I mean she repeatedly used him to cheat on her what looks like now ex-boyfriend. She always chose the boyfriend over him, and I know this hurt him quite a bit, although he downplayed it when he told me about it.

    I don’t know if there’s anything going on between them, as she does live an hour and a half away. I just know that he broke up with me about a month ago, as of a little over a week ago it seems her Facebook status regarding her relationship has changed, and when he reactivated his Instagram account he immediately started to follow her again. He had previously unfollowed her because it had made me uncomfortable that she was liking literally every single one of his pictures except for the ones that involved me. She was doing this despite being with and living with her boyfriend.

    I do very much want to be back with him, but I’m not sure what to do in this situation. I don’t know why he has gone back to someone who only used him and always put him as second best, or even if he has, while he’s thrown away someone, ie me, who loves him unconditionally and has always put him first. I think he has trying to blame me for the breakup, but knowing what I know now I think he’s more projecting on to me his own insecurities and issues.

    We are currently in no contact, although I did send him a letter a couple of weeks ago telling you how I really did feel about him, as I’m not always good at expressing myself when it comes to my emotions and I didn’t get the chance to say lot at the time of the breakup because I was so emotional and distraught. I’m not a firm believer in the 30 day no contact rule being universal for everyone. I do know that he needs time to process everything, plus he blocked me on everything unprovoked within a day of the breakup, so I don’t have much choice as far as no contact. I’m very much afraid of losing him completely, especially to someone who doesn’t deserve him. Do you have any advice and what to do in this situation? Is it possible that even though there was something between them before, granted not a substantial relationship like he and I had where we talked about a future home, family, etc, and his family absolutely loved me (they’re apparently a tough crowd), that should could be a rebound? I just can’t wrap my head around how someone as untrusting of everyone as he is could trust someone like her. I’m a rather humble person, but I know she doesn’t compare at all to me. I just don’t get it, and I’m hurting really bad.

    Any advice is highly appreciated. Thank you for your time.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Nic,

      either he’s just using her because he know she’s using him or he really loves her.. because those are the only two reasons that I could think of on why you would repeatedly go back to somebody who hurt you badly. Right now, focus in improving yourself. If after nc they’re still together, for me you should move on. But if you want, you can still try to rebuild rapport..

  9. Nic - 0

    Nic

    My question is, can a guy get into a rebound relationship with someone he previously dated?

    My ex dumped me a month ago, and deactivated his social media accounts. I see as of a few days ago he’s reactivated and back to following this girl that he dated prior to me. He had deleted her because she was making me uncomfortable – liking every single picture that didn’t have me in it.

    The back story on this is this girl used him when they were dating. She was cheating on her long term boyfriend with him, even though she lives an hour and a half away. She continued to choose her boyfriend over my ex over and over again. I know it hurt him, although he never admitted it and referred to her as “crazy”… but still maintained the Instagram connection with her.

    I’ve noticed she now appears to be single, all of a few weeks after he broke up with me. As soon as he got back on Instagram, he immediately started following her again. I’m not sure what to make of all of this. I question if I was the rebound, even though she treated him like garbage and never committed to him… yet I fear there may be something going on between them again. I know I made him feel amazing. He told me over and over. He also told me in the first person who ever made him see being a husband and father as a reality. I think the biggest reason for the breakup was him projecting his insecurities onto me.

    I want him back, but I’m very worried about what is going on with this girl. It took him all of 4 weeks (that I know of, could have been sooner) to bring this girl back into his life. I don’t know if this is his way of dealing with our breakup, or something more. He’s someone with major trust issues, so I just can’t see how he could ever trust sometime who continuously put him second, never chose him over her boyfriend, and is clearly a liar and cheater. It truly baffles me, but above that really hurts, as well. I know his family loved me, and I can’t imagine his mom supporting anything with this girl if she has the slightest idea of who she really is.

    I do want him back. We’re in no contact, although I don’t have much choice because he completely blocked me out of his life for absolutely no reason. Any advice?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Nic,

      either he’s just using her because he know she’s using him or he really loves her.. because those are the only two reasons that I could think of on why you would repeatedly go back to somebody who hurt you badly. Right now, focus in improving yourself. If after nc they’re still together, for me you should move on. But if you want, you can still try to rebuild rapport..

  10. Sirena - 0

    Sirena

    hi amor,

    last summer i met this guy unexpectedly and we really hit it off, we started talking about soul mate stuff. I had the feeling he was falling face first for me – the things he would say and the way he would talk about our future both terrified and excited me. he said this was the best and most healthy relationship he has been in for a long time. then suddenly at the start of December and holiday time he stopped seeing me and went back to his toxic ex! I was devastated, I couldn’t believe it but also wanted to respect his decision if he had unfinished business with her.

    I did the no contact rule and on day 33 he started liking my social media posts. He had been posting songs that I knew were about me, but I didn’t do anything to react to them, and all signs of the toxic ex had very recently vanished from social media for the past week. Less than a week later I felt confident enough to send out a feeler text, because a band we both loved was coming to town….. and my ego was more than bruised when he Didn’t respond. I thought that just meant that I had read those mixed messages wrong, and he was still dating the toxic girl…. until today I see he is definitely no longer seeing his ex and I think he’s already jumped into dating someone else!?

    That means within less than a 2 week window all of this has happened. Is he rebounding to finally move on from the toxic ex, and I wouldn’t want him right now anyway – or, is that super deep strong connection I felt that we had actually nothing and I should move on now?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sirena,

      yeah, the new girl can be a rebound but what I don’t get is, if he’s using a rebound, why wouldn’t he reply ro you? I’m not saying he should use you, what I’m saying is wouldn’t you be an easier rebound because you’ve already talked before? Or maybe he’s not sure because he knows he had hurt you

    • Sirena - 0

      Sirena

      Amor,

      Exactly why I don’t know what to do. It’s been less than a month since things got broken off with the toxic ex. So, while I’m very aware of the ‘rebound factor’ and Don’t want to be that… it still hurts and confuses me to see that he is very likely already jumped into seeing someone else. He is a very captive audience and has been watching all of my stories, I know that has to be somewhat intentional, because he made a point to NOT look at anything when he went back to the toxic ex.

      I think that he doesn’t know what to say to me – because he broke things off with me (which yes, hurt a lot.) for something that obviously very quickly failed. Maybe he just doesn’t want to deal with Anything? I don’t know how to proceed to get on speaking terms with him again, since he didn’t respond to my friendly/trying-to-be-interesting text or see where his head is at. Should I just continue to be the ungettable girl and see how things play out with the ‘maybe’ rebound girl? Should I start another round of no contact? Do guys on some level Know they need/are getting into a rebound?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Yeah, continue improving yourself even while you’re trying to build rapport. Hmm.. what I meant is that, the new girl can be a rebound, but she more like isn’t because he’s not replying to you. More likely she’s a grass is greener case. Check the links below:
      The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends
      Let’s Find Out If Your Exes Rebound Relationship Will Fail

  11. amanda - 0

    amanda

    my story starts in November 2015 when I met him we got in a relation very fast he was madly in love with me and was so serious about this relation and he met my mother and I met his parents and everyone could see how he was crazy about me but I had lots of trust issues and I kept breaking up with him many times because silly things he did but I had trust issues and treated him badly but everytime it only lasts for 2 weeks max and then he calls me and we get back again and he changes what bothered me in him we never cut off even when we break up so it was easy to get back everytime until June 2015 we broke up and this time we cut off for two months and half and he met a girl and they were just friends and then he contacted me again after summer in September and we got back again in October but this time he was so cold and I knew it was because of me and what I did in the past and I changed but after a month at the end of November he told me that he tried but he doesn’t have feelings for me and that he needs a break but want us to still be friends we work together so we talked and hung out from time to time and then after 2 months, in January 2017 he got in a relation with this girl he met in summer while were broke and he came and told me that he got in a relation and that I can meet her one day and that he wants us to be friends(me and him) because we shouldn’t cut off just because it didn’t work between us I told him it’s okay and now we see each other at work and we joke and talk with each other all the time and text each from time to another mostly about work but I can’t do this anymore I still have feelings for him but I can’t stay away from him I know I was wrong but i can’t he didn’t give a chance to prove that I’ll never leave him again . is it he in a rebound relation? and what should I do should I cut with him and just move on? did he really move on that fast?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Amanda,

      I think it’s a grass is greener. Check this one:
      The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends

    • amanda - 0

      amanda

      I read it, but still don’t know what to do. should I move on because we fought a lot so The Grass is Greener and he is not in a rebound or he is on a rebound and I should still be friend with him? and why he still contacts me and jokes and flirt with me and sometimes mentions old things from our relation in a humor way. am i overthinking and should just move on?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      nope..she’s not a rebound..she’s a grass is greener for him.. he still talks to you because that’s what he’s used to do.. try doing the no contact rule for at least 30 days and then focus in improving yourself

    • amanda - 0

      amanda

      okay his birthday is tomorrow should i text him as you we are supposed to be friends i’ve been in the nc for week also what should i do after the nc and when i see him at work

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Nope you should greet him.. Check the link below on why you shouldn’t. Just be civil with him at work.. There’s another link for that too. You can initiate contact after nc.. And be very active in improving yourself during and after nc.
      EBR 057: Birthdays And The No Contact Rule
      EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

    • amanda - 0

      amanda

      so it is been a while now i don’t know if you remember me but me and my ex are now friends we talk from time to time and hang out with our common friend what is new is that his new girl friend asked him for a break and now they are in a break she doesn’t even like his posts or text him a lot what should i do now ? be friendly and go out with him i see him in work but we don’t get in touch what is the best thing i can do and btw he loves her so much is it a rebound ?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Follow the advice on this one too:
      What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Moves On To A New Girl (Video)

    • amanda - 0

      amanda

      okay so i don’t know if you remember me but my ex was in the grass is greener and now he and his new gf are in a break and he is so sad and he told me that they have problems but he didn’t tell me details w still talk from time to time about work and see each others there he is feeling so bad for her and i feel sad for him and for seeing him like that but i knew from some of his friends that she is treating him very bad btw i did the nc for month and didn’t text him on his bd it was awkward at first in work we didn’t look to each other for weeks then we started talking again and he came to my bd he is very friendly but i am tired i can’t take it no more or see him with and act friendly i still have feelings for him and i don’t know what i should do should i give up? also he is so in love with her i don’t think he will ask me to get back togther even if they broke up …. what should i do now ?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Follow the advice on this one too:
      What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Moves On To A New Girl (Video)

  12. C - 0

    C

    Hi,

    I was dating my ex for 7 months. Things were good, then ok, then slowly fell apart. It tried everything to get him to stay, but last we spoke was in Oct, after i suspected he may be doing stuff behind my back. I said nasty things to him, he even blocked me on FB. I did NC and didnt speak to him. Found out he started dating this other girl, the one i suspected. Its been over 60 days and i found out he was engaged to this girl after like 3 months. I wanted to contact but not sure how to handle this now. It seems like they are serious, and he has forgotten me. What would you suggest, wait longer, contact now, moveon.

    Reply
  13. Jane - 0

    Jane

    Hey amor,
    Idk if you remember me. I have commented on here few times about my ex of four years that is a on and off relationship that he always broke up with me and came back. and last month he went to another state to see this girl. Well she came here last week and spent the weekend here and I saw her post a photo with him.. I was worried that he is serious with her if she visited him now. But then I realiZed she actually graduated with him 13 years ago and used to live in my state.but she did still come here to visit him clearly.. Also today online I saw another girl from his mma school post a group photo with him and another couple at a activity place. And I noticed he likes a lot of her photos and comments on her stuff too. I’m wondering if he is not serious about either women? Or can he have more then one rebound? I also thought it was weird that today he posted a video that I took of him from a year ago on our trip cross country when we made up the last time. Best vacation ever. I’m sure I’m over thinking but isn’t it weird that he went back a year into his phone to upload this old video from our vacation that we made up on which actually happened this same time of here.. I’m confused and not sure what to think. It’s going on three months at the end of this month. Still no contact and my number is blocked. What are your thoughts?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jane,

      yup I remember! That’s too much of a coincidence, maybe he remembered it, and if you’re still active in posting, maybe he checks that too but if you’re blocked, it can mean he’s not yet ready to talk.. and yes, he might be exploring dating by seeing a lot of women or maybe it didn’t work out with the other girl..

  14. Emma-Louise - 0

    Emma-Louise

    Okay so this gets awfully complicated but it all ties in together..

    I was with my ex for 2.5 years and we were so happy we split in the April over a petty thing really and it just went from there.

    We agreed to stay friends because it would be a waste to just throw away 2 years of memories. I didn’t want to stay friends because I knew exs don’t become friends but I agreed because I didn’t want to lose him completely.
    We met up every now and then and talked about things exchanged stuff and spent a few hour and together once a week and it was getting to a point where it was good. We would flirt and laugh like normal.

    We agreed in July to try seeing each other exclusively and that went down well we would meet up more flirt and kiss and even slept together at one point.

    A month into this he started acting strange and I asked what was wrong he told me he’s kissed someone else on a night out and felt guilty and was angry that he had waited almost a month to tell me.

    We talked and agreed to just go back to friends I was obviously still hurt but I didn’t want to lose him.

    Everything was going well we would meet up go for a few drinks and go the pictures and even still flirt with each other. Until one night in September I told him I’d been on a date with someone else and I felt guilty about it because I still loved him. He then decided to tell me that he was seeing someone else. I felt like my whole world came crashing down apparently they’d been seeing each other for a few weeks and he was only just telling me.

    I was heartbroken and all he said was sorry and gave me a hug and walked away.
    A few days later stupidly I sent him a ridiculously long message telling him how I felt and he never replied. A few days later he text me telling me he’d unfriend me on Facebook and he was going to give it a shot with this new girl.. safe to say I was so upset I replied to him telling him I was sorry and all I want is to see him happy.
    From then on I enforced the 30 day no contact rule successfully might I add! I met someone else and I was happy for a few days.

    Until it came too the end of no contact and I reached out to my ex.. (I thought I was over him) I just casually asked how he was and he came back telling me he was unhappy and missed me and asked if we could meet up to talk.. at this point I’d ended my relationship with the person I was seeing. We met up and low and behold every feeling I had came rushing back as soon as I seen him.

    We talked and laughed for hours I asked him how his relationship was going and he told me it was the complete opposite of ours and he missed me. He was constantly arguing with her and she was the complete opposite of me she has a really bad background of drugs and has two kids from a previous relationship and she’s also bisexual. I’m not sounding big headed but she’s a downgrade.

    I tried my hardest to be there for my ex without getting involved in his relationship we would text without her knowing and meet up every now and then for a catch up.

    A few weeks ago I got stupidly drunk and told him I still had feelings for him and it was killing me watching him be with someone else. The next day when I was sober he phoned me and told me what I had said and I died of embarrassment, he then admitted he still had feelings for me and wants us to try again at some point he just couldn’t see his relationship falling apart right now. I didn’t really say much to that I changed the subject.

    A week or so later we met up and went into town to see the Christmas festival and we had a really good day before he left he gave me a hug and told me he’d see me soon.

    When I got home he text me telling me his girlfriend had caused an argument because she could smell my perfume on his coat and I felt so guilty. He told me he had sorted it but we have to be more careful about it next time.
    A few days ago my ex came to my side of the town to go on a night out with his mates and watch the game. He text me telling me he wasn’t out so I told him not to text me and enjoy his night.

    The next morning I got a phone call off him telling me he snapped last night and argued with his girlfriend because she accused him of being in town with me, thankfully he stuck up for me and told her she was out of order bringing me into it.
    Apparently they argued until 4 in the morning and apparently the conversation got heated.

    Throughout the day my ex text me and told me what was going on with him and his girlfriend and at about 6:30 I got a phone call off him telling me he’s has enough and he’s called it quits with her he can’t do it anymore. So they’ve split up.

    It’s been about 3 days since they split but she’s gone a bit crazy she is constantly arguing with him and when he doesn’t text her back she rings his mum. He’s had enough and wants her out of his life.

    I still love my ex so much and I want nothing more than to be with him but right now I’m not too sure what to do?

    What’s the next step after a rebound relationship has ended?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Emma,

      I dont know if yoy saw my reply to your previous post but I’ll just paste it here.. if you have further questions, don’t hesitate to ask..

      Hi Emma,

      if you want him back, then you’re so close now.. Just continue being friendly.. Dont say anything negative about the other girl

  15. Céleste Vermaelen - 0

    Céleste Vermaelen

    Hi,
    I just found out that my ex is together with the girl who we had a huge fight about. This girl has a crush on my ex and since we broke up he started talking to her. He said to me that he doesn’t wants to see me because he has still feelings for me. He also said to me that he thought I was not happy with him which is not true! I love him so much, I really think he is my soulmate and I know he thinks the same way about me. He doesn’t trusts me anymore and he is done with fights. I don’t know what to do anymore. I just wanted to start the no contact rule but maybe he will get over me in that time and doesn’t want me back anymore.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Celeste,

      So, do you plan on keeping in contact with him?

  16. cammi - 0

    cammi

    cammi again,

    and wow today I saw that she went to dinner with his family… and met his parents when I never got the chance to! and she told her ex… and her ex told me! why would she need to tell he ex “oh i met my new boyfriends family” to rub it in because he never did… and they’ve only known been together for 3 weeks. wow such a fast rebound…

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Cammi,

      She’s probably using your ex to make her ex jealous. How did you act in dinner?

  17. cammi - 0

    cammi

    Hi!!

    I am seeing my ex bf (ryan) with my other friend on Monday the 12th for dinner.. and he has a new girlfriend. It happened fairly quick and the ex of her bf (john) messaged me and found me too. It’s very complicated but yes… apparently john said Cynthia (new gf) is still snap chatting him (her ex) and came to say hi to him at work.. tapped on his shoulder then went off.. she has dating my new bf but after 3 years with john… we all think this is too quick when they were already saying baby and love you after 2-3 weeks into ryan and cynthia dating. The situation is very sticky- I have not contacted my ex bf since the new gf and him uploading photos of them on snapchat and other social media places (wechat) and changing his whatsapp display pic for her,, since john was never that cheesy nor clingy, and loves this new attention from Ryan. I told john him being in the picture still means she is not over him because you let go of an ex and cut ties like ryan and I did to give your new relo a chance… so I don’t understand why she is.. considering ryan knew she was still iffy and had feelings for her ex and didn’t know what to do. So yes it is a rebound… moving too fast.. but how can I make myself look good in his eyes for dinner.. it can go two ways. 1- Act my normal bubbly self and be fun and just calm so he acts surprised as to why I don’t care? or 2- He will be glad I don’t care about him and his new gf and will be at peace… (since all my friends and his friends find his overly lovey-dovey snapchats very intense and infatuated type of thing).

    John is writing her an apology letter and I know my ex bf may not care now and show her that he’s fine talking to her, but deep down he is a very jealous, obsessive person and will make him upset and see it as weird… and she won’t like being controlled or to lose her freedom as John says.. she dislikes those certain qualities and being stubborn (which ryan is and lazy) so the presents and time won’t last forever… They are both 22 and john is 3 years older! but the reason they didn’t work is because he wasn’t as affectionate and didn’t introduce his parents to her and yeah.. lacked spark. But still… she is being very shady and not letting go as she was considering sleeping with her ex bf (john) but said she couldn’t 4 weeks ago because of still having feelings for him so it would be hard to keep it strictly sex; and the fact my ex bf advised her to not since he was doing that with me and it fu**s with your head he says. SO now… they are very happy but everyone is shocked and is certain they won’t last forever but to let them be and move on without moving on. Which I have, i am very logical!

    Just need your opinion on the matter and for DINNER on monday 12th of december.. and the whole cynthia still having strings attached to her ex even in a new relationship…

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Cammi,

      She’s probably using your ex to make her ex jealous. How did you act in dinner?

    • cammi - 0

      cammi

      Ryan (ex) and my friend and I had dinner on monday night and it was all good.. no awkward silences and just typical us being friendly. We laughed a lot and just usual talking and we mentioned this guy he knows that was jealous of named Kiros. And then my friend priya, and I were wondering why kiros was liking other girls pictures and I was purposely trying to get him mad HAHA. Then yeah we said let’s go shisha/hookah to smoke and he said yeah I’ll see, have work early tomorrow so he said what about thursday you guys free? or the weekend? And i looked at him and said “sorry im busy” and laughed.. why would he try to see us again? which was weird.. maybe an excuse? But then yeah I was tipsy and dancing and singing so as we were going shisha he said na and so my friend and I walked him to the car park and we hugged him bye. Then he calls me to say “hey where are you.. want a lift to hookah lounge?” so we went in his car and i was surprised he called me and not my friend priya (considering she and him were facebook messaging) Then yeah in his car i would usually change his music and place my music on from my phone and he was laughing like “here we go again” and I said yeah you know the rules hahaha! i was still tipsy so i was dancing and singing along and he just kept laughing and he would place the volume down and I said “naa naa mate, you know the rules! volume needs to be even, i see you ” and he just laughed really loud hahaha! I grabbed his face and he was smiling and looking at me dancing. Then at shisha/hookah carpark I told him to come and my friend said yeah 1 puff only… and he was hesitant but came anyway! then we were smoking and he had a hickey on his neck (ew from her) and i only just realised which is fine.. then we got the shisha and started smoking and took turns but then my other friend came to say hi and as those two were talking about bollywood ryan kepy saying “one more puff and I have to go” we said where? he said I have work at 7am but that he had to be somewhere (his gf’s home lol) and then yeah i wouldnt give him the shisha and i pinched him and then he’d pinch me and laugh and try to get it off of me and I said no and there was flirtatious stuff happening!

      So eventually he left and my friend said “woah he was flirty, and vibes were good… it seemed like you two were dating again in the car, your inside jokes, him pinching you and you tapping on his cheek to help the smoke to come out and how he was looking at you at dinner and wearing the watch you got for his birthday” so yes.. i sensed the same vibes and he was just comfortable with me and glancing looks at eachother but then I’d quickly look away. and this one weird thing he said… when we were discussing Kiros the guy i like and find attractive and ryan knows and got jealous before. Ryan said “I don’t get (while laughing awkwardly) why you priya (our friend) get annoyed about this monica girl when your current boyfriend dated her 10 years ago hahaha, and cammi (me) I don’t get why you’re getting angry or care if kiros likes other girls photos? ” to his reply i said “ryan when someone tells you they like you then like someone else’s photo its weird” and he went quiet… my friend said maybe he got jealous cause we kept talking about kiros during dinner a lot and he wanted to suss out the info between you and kiros.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Yeah that was a good night out.. If that happens more often,especially once they have fights, there’s a chance he’ll miss you more

    • cammi - 0

      cammi

      I don’t think it’ll happen often.. I am keeping away and not contacting him nor is he contacting me. But she on the other hand is contacting her ex via Snapchat everyday even just to keep a streak going.. and purposely send him a snap with the caption “when a handsome man makes you coffee” but then on her own story wall it says “when bryan makes you coffee<3" why are you rubbing it in? and she agreed 4 weeks ago that her new bf (my ex) could be a rebound and that she could be blinded.. but went with the flow.. and now its super serious way too quick.. my ex bf gets infatuated and rushes.. so shes met his parents and yeah.. but her ex is still around and she replies him whereas me and my ex have 0 communication,which is fine. so what do i do next?! let her flirt her way and make my ex bf jealous on her own terms since she isn't over her own ex hahaha

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      she gets to do that with her ex because she is the one that’s being chased. Maybe she likes the validation she feels having two guys in her life..sooner or later, ryan will get tired of her..he may miss and compare you to her but it would be better for you if he sees you better than the person you were before, not just better than the girl he’s with

  18. M - 0

    M

    Hello, my ex broke up with me almost a year ago, after that we were supposed to remain friends but we only talked for a short while, never again(he also contacted me on my birthday). Now I’ve completely moved on from him, but I couldn’t help but notice that 1. he got into a new relationship 5 months after the breakup and 2. his new girl is pretty much exactly like me, we like the same things, we have the same interests, we want to pursue the same career. Honestly I don’t know what to make out of this…Why is looking for someone just like me?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi M,

      more likely because you both fall into his type preference…

  19. KK - 0

    KK

    Before I get into it I just want to appologize if my story shows up twice. I don’t think it loaded properly/froze.

    I just would like your opinion. I was with my exe for over a year and we’re pretty serious. He’s mid 20s I’m 30. He broke up with me 5 months ago because he claimed he needed to be alone “to work on himself.”

    Just after a month from our break up my exe started hooking up with a girl that used to date one of his friends. She’s over constantly. Still to this day (4 months later). I know someone who isn’t super close to the girl, but she ended up asking her what’s up. The girl claims they aren’t dating they are just “close friends.” And my exe tell others they “just hang out.” So not official or anything or at least won’t come out and say it…

    I still have my doubts. I mean it’s been 4 months. By know you should know if you want to commit to each other.

    Do You think it simply just FWB and they won’t become a couple?

    Also the friend of mine said recently she past by when she was leaving his house. She said she saw my ex go in for a kiss on the cheek and then a tight hug. What goodbye greeting does that mean? You think it completely means they aren’t bf/gf??

    I know when my ex & I started seeing each other we were a weird no label/FWB situation too…I wanted more though….but I would kiss him good bye at the door on the lips. He’d initiate too at times but I always made sure it was a kiss goodbye. We were the no label thing for 2 months before he made us official. Then told me he loved me not that much longer after….

    I know everyone’S relationship is different. But with these details, what do you think their parting meant?

    On a side note, my exe & I are on speaking terms although I haven’t heard from him in awhile (he contacted me 2 months after break up…we talked every few days but it’s stopped to be way less and we’d go weeks without talking now). I’m not interested in chasing him mainly because of the other girl. I’m not happy with his post break up behavior. It’s not to say I’m not open to getting back with him. The only way I would is if he was the one to come out and chase and ask me back. Which hasn’t happened. He hasn’t put in an effort that way so I’m not pursuing.

    But ya I just would like to know so you think they are bf/gf & are just not saying it? What did their parting way mean?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi kk,

      it’s hard to what their actions really meant, but if he’s doing the same things he did with you to her, then they’re probably heading the same way.

  20. Relentless - 0

    Relentless

    Can you write an article about what to do if your boyfriend hasn’t fallen in love later in the relationship? Do some take a while, or does it normally happen beginning?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Relentless,

      thank you for suggesting but I have to ask if you meant if your boyfriend fall out of love later on or did you mean he didn’t really love you since the beginning?

    • Relentless - 0

      Relentless

      He didn’t fall in love since beginning. It’s hopeless right?

    • Relentless - 0

      Relentless

      I’m trying to rebuild attraction, how can I do that if he admitted he doesn’t/never loved me?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      honestly, there’s nothing to rebuild if he didn’t love you in the first place. Because if he’s staying with you right now, that means he’s still getting what he wanted, like sex and company.

  21. Lena - 0

    Lena

    Me and my ex dated for around 2 years but had feelings for each other for around 3. We’ve been broken up for a little over 6 months. We loved each other a lot at one point and he was really sweet but the last year that we were dating he became a lot less sweet. We don’t live together and he only wanted to be with me once a week and I wanted more time and we argued about that a lot. Around a month or 2 months after we broke up he started hanging out with husband sister’s best friend as more than friends I believe. He told me tho that he wasn’t thinking about getting into a relationship anytime soon. Yet he was still hanging with her like they were more than friends and I’m concerned they might be becoming more serious. I did the no contact rule but after 3 months I texted him and he was very cold to me and said mean things. I think he avoids being at the same place as me but when we’re at the same place my friends tell me he stares at me a lot. I want to know what all of that means. It still hurts every day and I can’t seem to stop loving him. I don’t know what to do

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lena,

      dis you improve yourself during and after nc? And why was he mean to you after the last nc? what was your text?

  22. Princess - 0

    Princess

    My boyfriend and I broke up last week Tuesday. We got into an argument and that break us apart. Before the breakup, he blocked me on his WhatsApp application because he wanted to use a particular girl’s picture as a display image and to wish her happy birthday. When I noticed I was blocked, gave my cousin his phone number to add him on WhatsApp and tell me who he used as display picture. Found out he was dating someone else aside me. We’ve been together for so long and our family knew about us even friends. In a nutshell he’s my fiancé. But he was always complaining I don’t give him rest of mind, we fight a lot and get into arguments cos my fiancé is aggressive and I always want him to understand my point of view. He said he wasn’t happy in the relationship and he needed someone to make him happy cos right now am far away from him. He’s in Africa while am in America. He told me to date someone else that he can’t go on. I begged and cried till this moment. My mum called he won’t pick her calls. Later on he said I should give him sometime and work on myself. I wrote one of his friends to beg on my behalf and that got him upset. His friend told me that he seems to have made up his mind. We still talk, but nothing serious. He check on me and I do the same. Right now I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s like my whole world is about to come to an end. Pls help me out

    Reply
  23. Anon - 0

    Anon

    My boyfriend and I were together for just over two and half years, towards the end of our relationship, we began arguing an awful lot.
    I told him that if things carried on the way they were, that our relationship would end – in July, I told him I couldn’t carry on like this.

    He had been non-stop texting/calling/sending me flowers until mid-September, begging me to give him another chance. I needed more time for him to prove he’d changed.
    Never the less he definitely knew I still loved him, and there is no doubt in my mind that he still loves me, to this day

    SHOCK – Last week in September, he is officially in a new relationship, Facebook Official – the works.

    How do I know that this new relationship won’t end up being a serious long term one?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Anon,

      she’s probably a rebound.. so, that means he didn’t change?

  24. Olivia - 0

    Olivia

    i have been in a relationship for 3 yrs. i broke up with him – reason is that he doesn’t put any effort on me, failing communication and all – but he won’t address it when i wanted to talk about it. he was so hurt that I have known that in not less than 3 mos. he had girlfriends but is still flirting with others. we are now 6 or 7 mos. apart, i never succeeded in the no contact rule. and then recently he moved with a girl. but fact is, he is still loves me. and the girl is fully aware of this – and she doesn’t love him also (well, not yet). i don’t know if it’s still rebound? i’m afraid this one will be serious since he told me to back off – i’m blocked in his phone. he said he was hurt and he is willing to start anew and that it is too late for a reconciliation now. why would he give up someone he said he love? i think it’s unfair since we never really had a serious talk after the breakup. hell, the breakup wasn’t really that bad – i was always open for him. i even had the guts to do crazy stuff for him to come back – but he won’t take it. any advice? thank you.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Olivia,

      it’s nit real love if he keeps cheating on you.. Correct me if I’m wrong,.he had girlfriends when you were just three months in right? And now, you’ve broken up, he moves in with another girl..

      for me, you should move on but if you cant, you should at least do 45 days no contact..Heal, reflect and improve yourself

    • Olivia - 0

      Olivia

      Hi Amor,

      Thanks for your reply. No – he did not cheat. He had girlfriends and flings – which were kind of rebound when I had broken up with him after 3 months. Technically, it’s not cheating since we are not an into a relationship anymore. He moved in with another girl, but he admitted still loves me. and i feel it’s true – it shows in his eyes and smiles. this would be my last shot to win him back.

      i’ll follow your 45 days no contact. but in December 3rd week, i’ll be seeing him since i’ll be attending his cousin’s birthday party – i am great friends with his cousins and family. hmmm. actually, i’m having doubts if i would still attend. haha.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Oh ok! I’m sorry! That’s good that he didn’t cheat. And technically, you’re right because you weren’t together when he had other girlfriends. If you attend the party, just be civil and polite with him.

    • Olivia - 0

      Olivia

      Hi Amor,

      Is it normal for the present girlfriend of an ex boyfriend to be friendly towards you? My ex’s current gf has messaged me in facebook asking how am I. I can’t fathom why hahahha. It’s just been 8 days since i started NC. i don’t know what to feel hahaha. it’s kind of ridiculous and irritating ahhahah. maybe she just pitied me when i was begging for him to come back T^T

    • Olivia - 0

      Olivia

      Hi Amor,

      What would it mean if his present girlfriend is asking me how am I? she messaged me after about 10days of NC. Maybe she pitied me because she had somehow witnessed me begging for my ex to comeback (over the phone) haha. is that bad?
      After the NC, would it be okay to text him even if he has a girlfriend?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yeah, it cam be because of that. Well, it’s not really ok.. I’m being a devil’s advocate here but if you really want to build rapport, you have no other choice.

    • Olivia - 0

      Olivia

      Amorrrrrrr!!!!!

      I’m so sad right now. He already introduced his new girlfriend (for 1 month and 2 or 3 weeks) to his family, officially, which he never did to me. (Of course, I know the family, but was never introduced officially as girlfriend hehe). And i was talking with his cousin and she said they were so sweet, and that it would not be a surprised if some time from now, i’ll receive news that he’s getting married. T^T this is so heartbreaking. what do i do?

      is that normal, a guy after a 3 year relationship, will move in after 6mos.of breakup, with a girl she just knew and then plan to get marry? is it all because of sex? (because we never did it). what to do realllyyyy??? i don’t want to see them, together, but i want to attend his cousin’s birthday. i don’t wanna be a loser T^T

      Lately, i’m planning to cut contact (i found the article somewhere). and just move on from him! i have been so desperate and pathetic and it’s enough. but it’s hard not to think about him.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      It is possible if he sees the other girl as a better option.. If you want to move on, yes, cut contact.. It doesn’t mean you would forget. You will still think about him but now your choosing to act more for yourself to move on while in pain.. Over time, you’ll move on

  25. Jennifer - 0

    Jennifer

    Great article. I especially like the fact that you talk about things that noone has ever touched on. I have a question Amor, what do I do if my ex never reaches out to me?

    Reply
  26. Rachael - 0

    Rachael

    Hi there… I was with my boyfriend for around 1.5 years, we have been on and off for a long time because we used to argue a lot. In the past 2 weeks he grew very distant from me and it stressed me out. We eventually talked and he said he wasn’t sure if he wanted to be with me so thought we should break up. And though not the main reason, he told me there was some girl at his workplace who was interested in him. I feel so sad and sick, I really feel like he is ‘the one’, but we’ve both not worked hard enough for the relationship for it to work. I’m trying no contact, but I just feel so sick knowing he is seeing and talking to this girl. The thing is he told me he still thinks I’m a great person and that I did nothing wrong in the relationship… I think he is just enticed by the prospect of a new girl because the beginning stages are always flirty and fun without stress. What is the likelihood of him just moving on from me and liking someone else? Should I just carry on with no contact, even though in this time he wont hear from me but will be talking to this girl? 🙁

    Reply
  27. Sylwia - 0

    Sylwia

    Hi!
    My boyfriend broke up with me 4 months ago. Since that time I did no contact rule, after 2 months I met with with him. He told me that it is good that we broke up, because right now we are better versions of ourselves. After this meeting I didn’t talk with him for about month. 2 weeks ago I started texting him in this way which you recommend. He is kind to me, he wrote me even that he was thinking about me, but week ago he wrote me that he doesn’t want us to be couple for seriously, I told him that I don’t want either( obviously it’s not true) in moment when I told him this he offered me friendly sex. What should I do to get him back?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      It’s good that you used reverse psychology. he’s trying to friends with benefits with you. Did you say no?

    • Sylwia - 0

      Sylwia

      I told him that maybe coffee first…. I didn’t say no

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      that’s ok, because it’s another way of saying no.. try that..text, call, talk, go out, and just refuse having sex.. have fun but dont be too available

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