Let’s Find Out If Your Exes Rebound Relationship Will Fail

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

I have written about rebound relationships exactly one time on this website.


I wrote that post on July 27th of 2013.

Now, as you can tell it has been a long time since then and we are getting questions about rebound relationships on an almost daily basis. Except here’s the difference. With the article above I mainly focused on how to know if your ex is in a rebound relationship and how long it will last.

But I have been noticed that a lot of the questions I am getting about rebound relationships lately have been geared towards knowing if their exes rebound relationship will fail.

Usually it goes a little something like this,

Chris, my ex is in a rebound relationship. But I really think that it’s going to fail. How would I know?

After about the tenth question I got like this and even having my wife send me an email to write something like this,


I decided to break down, put in the time and create a resource to teach people on how to know if their exes rebound relationship is destined to fail.

But before we start to do that I think it’s important to determine if your ex is even in a rebound relationship.

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How Do I Know If My Ex Is In A Rebound Relationship?

Well, the long answer is to read this article.

But if I know people (and I know people) you guys probably aren’t interested in the long answer. Nope, you are probably interested in the short answer.

So, here it is.

Rebound Relationship- This is a romantic relationship that your ex enters into pretty quickly after your breakup.

In some cases your ex will start to date someone who they actually met while they were dating you.

Ouch, right?

So, that’s pretty much the short answer.

But here’s the crazy thing.

Society has stigmas that actually surround rebound relationships.

Stigmas like,

They are bad…


You should never get in one…


You get the picture…

But do these stigmas hold true?

Well, let’s find out.

Tackling The Stigmas

In 2014 two psychologists by the name of Claudia C. Brumbaugh and Chris Fraley released a paper called “Too Fast, Too Soon.” The goal of this paper was to actually do research on rebound relationships because little research had been done.

The results they found in their investigation actually went against most of the negative stigmas we have of rebound relationships today.

For example, they concluded that people in new relationships were more confident in their desirability and had more resolution over their ex-partner.

In other words, rebound relationships can actually be one of the most healthy things you can do after a breakup to get over your ex.

Now for those of you who just had a panic attack upon hearing this research,


Please calm down.

This is important information that you are going to be able to use to your benefit if you want to get your ex boyfriend back and I will talk about this later.

First though, let’s tackle the next question you are probably wondering in your head.

Will this rebound relationship your ex is in last?

What Are The Odds Of My Exes Rebound Relationship Lasting?

I am not going to lie to you.

I looked everywhere.

And I mean everywhere for concrete data on how long rebound relationships last for but I couldn’t find anything.

Therefore, I am going to have to lean on my own experience for you here.

In my humble opinion, most rebound relationships won’t stand the test of time. Usually the two people break up. I mean, think about that research I cited above.

Studies have found that men and women in rebound relationships feel more desirable and have more power of their ex. Nowhere in that research does it say,

And they lived happily ever after

Relationships where one party uses the other to get over an ex will rarely work and that’s essentially what is happening with rebounds.

Now, we are dealing with a very complex subject here so it would be presumptuous of me to sit here and tell you that I knew exactly when your exes rebound relationship would end.

However, I will say that there are three big data points that you can use to determine this yourself.

  1. The Seriousness Of Your Relationship
  2. How Quickly Your Ex Moved On
  3. How Long Your Ex Has Been Dating The Rebound

Let me expand a bit on each of these points

The Seriousness Of Your Relationship

We already know that your ex moving on and entering a rebound relationship is a step in the right direction for getting over you. Now, it’s going to be pretty darn easy to get over you by entering a rebound relationship if he only dated you for a month as opposed to a year.

Generally the more serious the relationship with you the harder it is to get over the relationship.

How Quickly Your Ex Moved On To The Rebound

I find this data point really fascinating because the quicker your ex moves on to a new relationship after the breakup the more it’s like he is saying that your relationship meant a lot to him and he needs to find a way to cure his pain.

Of course, the flip side of that coin is that the longer it takes him to move on the more he may actually be considering this new girl a worthy girl.

How Long Your Ex Has Been Dating The Rebound

I’ll use the KISS method here.

K – Keep

I – It

S – Short

S – Simple

So, here I go.

The shorter your ex is dating his rebound the more it means that it isn’t a serious relationship. The longer your ex dates the rebound the more serious it becomes.

Ok…. But How Will I Know If His Rebound Relationship Is Imploding?

Ah, and now we get to the meat of this article.

Now, before I start to give you the signs you need to watch out for there is something important we need to discuss first.

It’s something I like to call,

Staying Present In His Mind

Look, as much as I would love to tell you that this is going to be an easy process it’s not. In fact, it’s made even more difficult when researchers come out with proof that moving on and entering a rebound relationship will actually speed up your exes process of getting over you.

Do you remember when I said not to have a panic attack about this and that we can actually use this to our advantage?

Well, it’s time for me to pay up on that promise.

The research I cited above didn’t take into account the strategies that I teach.

Imagine that there are two versions of you.

Version one takes the approach that most people take,


What’s the result of this approach?

Well, it’s probably going to end up with him moving on from you and from the rebound. Obviously that’s not what we want. I mean, sure, we want him to move on from his rebound but we want him to move on from his rebound to YOU!

So, let’s say that version two of you opts to take this approach,


It’s funny, yesterday I was telling my wife about the research I stumbled across that claimed moving on to a rebound was actually one of the smartest things you can do to get over your ex and she had a very interesting take.

I think that is true because if you are dating someone else your focus isn’t so much on your ex. It’s on that person or how dating that person makes you feel.

And she’s kind of right.

The reason that a rebound works to get over your ex is probably due to the fact that you aren’t focusing on your ex.

Of course, the opposite is also true.

If you get your ex to think too much about you during the rebound they aren’t going to necessarily be able to get over you which is kind of what you want.

So, one of the best things you can do is to do subtle things like staying present in your exes mind.

Now, I can already hear the chorus of people saying,

Ok Chris, but how do I do that?

Well, I spoil you guys enough with free content so I am going to save this strategy for my book,

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Let’s move on and start talking about signs that your exes rebound relationship is about to implode.

Here’s What Will Happen If Your Exes Rebound Relationship Is Starting To Fail

Now, before I start pointing out specific signs I first need to tell you that we are actually going to operate under a specific assumption.

Going forward we are going to assume that you are doing the things I talk about in PRO to stay present in your exes mind during his rebound relationship.

Get it?

Got it?


The way I see it is that your ex is in a relationship with someone else.

Yes, it may be a rebound relationship but as far as the signs go that, that relationship is about to fail there isn’t too much revolutionary things that I can point to towards you.

Nevertheless, I have identified four distinct changes that you will begin to notice if his relationship is about to end with this new girl.

Are you ready?

Sign #1: Your Ex Starts Talking To You A Lot

Can I get personal with you for a moment?

I am going to tell you a rather embarrassing story.

It’s the story of my very first breakup.

Ok, so I believe I was 18 at the time and a senior in high school.

(Geez… that was almost ten years ago)

Anyways, I remember being so happy when I got my first girlfriend. I would pretty much bend over backwards to please her and for the most part things were going great.

However, that all changed around month two of the relationship when I saw she was texting on her phone to someone.

I casually asked her,

“Hey, who are you texting?”

To which she replied,

“Oh, it’s just Wilson”

She then went on to tell me that before she met me she had this major crush on a guy named Wilson but he had never reciprocated her feelings. Of course, now that she had met me she was head over heels in love with me blah blah blah.

All I heard of her explanation was this,


Now, I wasn’t exactly calm when I expressed that I was upset that she was texting this guy so she had promised that she wouldn’t do it anymore if it upset me that much.

And for the most part I didn’t hear too much about Wilson from that moment on.

Well, at least until right before our breakup.

A few weeks before we officially broke up I caught her multiple times texting this Wilson fellow. It’s almost as if she was setting up her next boyfriend in preparation for our breakup.

And essentially that’s exactly what happened.

After we broke up guess who she ended up dating?


So, what’s the point of me telling you this story.

Well, it’s the fact that if you notice your ex boyfriend pick up the pace when it comes to texting you then that could be a good sign that his relationship is almost at an end.

I mean, think about it.

What woman is going to be ok with her man constantly texting his ex?

I haven’t met many.

Sign #2: You Send A “Test Flirt” Text And He Takes The Bait

I think I am pretty clear throughout Ex Boyfriend Recovery with my stance on cheating.

My Stance = Cheating is bad and you shouldn’t ever engage in it.

I feel a need to re-iterate this stance because what I am about to recommend here is kind of in a grey area. It’s a bit risky because there is a temptation to throw caution to the wind and engage in cheating.

Look, you want your ex boyfriend back and that means you are at a high risk of doing something illogical.

The goal here isn’t to impose on his current relationship. It’s to simply test and see how serious he is about it. One of the worst things you can do on this earth is waste your time on someone who isn’t interested in you.

I am simply recommending a “test flirt text” to prevent that from happening.

So, what is this “test flirt text?”

The Test Flirt Text = You are going to send your ex a flirty text to see how he responds.

The goal here is to get information on how to approach things going forward.

I’ll give you an example.

Imagine that you were to send your ex boyfriend a text like this,


And he were to respond like this,


That might be a pretty good indication that he is currently happy in his relationship and is not willing to leave his rebound. Of course, if you were to send this text and he were to respond this way,


This would be an indication that things might not be perfect in his relationship.

Look, here is my thinking.

A man who is truly happy in his relationship wouldn’t engage in flirting with any girls no matter what. How do I know that?

Well, I am a guy who is absolutely happy in my relationship and I haven’t flirted with a girl in over three years.

Now, is this the “be all, end all” litmus test of whether or not your ex boyfriends rebound is on the decline?


But that’s why we have the other signs I am about to talk about.

Sign #3: There Is A Pattern

I am not going to lie to you.

I really debated on whether or not I should even tell you about this one.

Have you ever heard that phrase,

Ignorance is bliss?

Well, the gist of the phrase is that sometimes it’s better not to know the truth as opposed to knowing it. That might be the case here. However, I have taken a sworn oath to be truthful to you so I am going to let you in on this fact.

If you notice that your ex boyfriend has a pattern of jumping from relationship to relationship without any breaks in between then it’s highly likely that his new fling is just that, a fling.

Of course, this is a double edged sword in the fact that if you notice your ex has a pattern you could be a part of that pattern.

I’ll give you a real life example to illustrate my point.

We have already established that a rebound relationship is a type of relationship that your ex enters into pretty quickly after your breakup. Now, what I am putting forth here is that there is a type of man out there who simply jumps from rebound to rebound and never catches his breath in between.

Why would he do that?

Well, it’s how he has learned to cope with the pain of a breakup.

Rather than dealing with it head on he uses another relationship to bury it.

Now, let’s compare that type of a man to me.

After my very first breakup I didn’t enter a relationship again for five years.

Now, I suppose some of you may say that I was scared to enter a relationship again and I am going to be honest with you. A part of me was. However, it’s not due to the fact that I was scared to get hurt again.

Quite the opposite, in fact.

I wanted to take my time to know exactly what I wanted out of a relationship. I wanted to make sure so that my next relationship was successful.

Do you see the difference?

I took the pain on and tried to use it productively.

Sign #4: They Talk About You

This sign sounds relatively simple, right?

I mean, all your ex boyfriend has to do is talk about you.

But I think it’s important to note that when I say “they talk about you” I am really referring to three things.

  1. Who they are talking to when they talk about you
  2. Where they are talking about you
  3. What they say when they talk about you

By looking at these three things we can get a gauge on whether or not he is still hung up on you. And I don’t think it takes a genius to realize that if he is still hung up on you then that means trouble for his current rebound relationship.

So, let’s look at our three things a little more in-depth.

Who Is He Talking To When He Talks About You?

Generally what you are hoping for is a close friend of his.

Now, why do you think you are hoping for a close friend of his as opposed to a close friend of yours?

Well, let’s assume that your ex boyfriend isn’t dumb and he has a brain. He probably understands that if he starts talking to a close friend of yours that it’s eventually going to get back to you. Now, compare that to a close trusted friend of his (which he doesn’t think will get back to you) and it’s that much more powerful.

Where He Is Talking About You?

Is he talking to someone about you on Facebook?

Did he make some bold claim about an ex lover on his wall?

Is he talking to someone about you in person?

This all matters.

Generally, I would say that having him talk to someone about you in person is a bit more powerful because there are things like facial expressions, tone and all that good stuff that you can pick up on to determine the validity of what he is saying.

But honestly these two signs pail in comparison to the big kahuna that is…

What Is He Saying About You?

I want to tell you a story about my ex.

It had been a few months after we had broken up and she had been dating a guy almost immediately after we broke up.

That’s when something very important happened.

My best friend in the world, Wes, got a phone call from her.

Interesting, huh?

Wes, was always one of those guys who women felt they could open up to and my ex, since she obviously dated me wanted to open up to Wes about something,

My new boyfriend… He just doesn’t pay attention to me. It’s not like when I dated Chris. Chris always paid attention to me and even though we fought a lot he was always there for me.

Now, since Wes was my best bud he obviously told me everything.

She was still thinking about me and she was about to end things with her current boyfriend.

Why do you think I told you this story?

Well, I told it to you because generally what someone says about you behind your back is what they truly think about you. So, in my case, if I wanted my ex back, this would have been a great thing to hear. But let’s imagine my ex had nothing but bad things to say about me.

Well, in that case then that’s probably not a good thing.

Sign #5: Social Media Presence Declines

We live in a digital age where Facebook and Twitter rule over almost all.

This is especially true when it comes to relationships.

But let’s switch gears for a moment.

You are aware of this idea of a honeymoon period, right?

Honeymoon Period: A period of time that occurs immediately after you start dating someone where your partner can do no wrong.

Chances are that when your ex first starts dating their rebound partner they are going through a rebound partner.

Breakups rarely occur when everything is all flowers and angels in the relationship.

Instead, they occur after the honeymoon period has ended.

And one of the best indicators that you can use to determine if things are calming down with regards to the honeymoon period is social media.

Now, I am going to admit that I don’t have research backing this claim up so take it with a grain of salt. However, what I am about to say has certainly held true throughout my life.

It’s clear that when you enter a relationship you are constantly tagging, posting picture and liking statuses on social media websites like Facebook.

And why wouldn’t you?

You have just started dating someone new and you are excited to let the world know.

However, no one can keep that up forever.

Eventually we all grow complacent in our relationships and we no longer do those cute things that we used to do.

Keep an eye on your exes profile and see if you start noticing a significant decline in his public communication with his current girlfriend. It could be a sign that the honeymoon period is starting to fade and that’s when a breakup could potentially occur.

February 1, 2017

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What Do You Think? (54)

  1. amanda - 0


    my story starts in November 2015 when I met him we got in a relation very fast he was madly in love with me and was so serious about this relation and he met my mother and I met his parents and everyone could see how he was crazy about me but I had lots of trust issues and I kept breaking up with him many times because silly things he did but I had trust issues and treated him badly but everytime it only lasts for 2 weeks max and then he calls me and we get back again and he changes what bothered me in him we never cut off even when we break up so it was easy to get back everytime until June 2015 we broke up and this time we cut off for two months and half and he met a girl and they were just friends and then he contacted me again after summer in September and we got back again in October but this time he was so cold and I knew it was because of me and what I did in the past and I changed but after a month at the end of November he told me that he tried but he doesn’t have feelings for me and that he needs a break but want us to still be friends we work together so we talked and hung out from time to time and then after 2 months, in January 2017 he got in a relation with this girl he met in summer while were broke and he came and told me that he got in a relation and that I can meet her one day and that he wants us to be friends(me and him) because we shouldn’t cut off just because it didn’t work between us I told him it’s okay and now we see each other at work and we joke and talk with each other all the time and text each from time to another mostly about work but I can’t do this anymore I still have feelings for him but I can’t stay away from him I know I was wrong but i can’t he didn’t give a chance to prove that I’ll never leave him again . is it he in a rebound relation? and what should I do should I cut with him and just move on? did he really move on that fast?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Amanda,

      I think it’s a grass is greener. Check this one:
      The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends

    • amanda - 0


      I read it, but still don’t know what to do. should I move on because we fought a lot so The Grass is Greener and he is not in a rebound or he is on a rebound and I should still be friend with him? and why he still contacts me and jokes and flirt with me and sometimes mentions old things from our relation in a humor way. am i overthinking and should just move on?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      nope..she’s not a rebound..she’s a grass is greener for him.. he still talks to you because that’s what he’s used to do.. try doing the no contact rule for at least 30 days and then focus in improving yourself

    • amanda - 0


      okay his birthday is tomorrow should i text him as you we are supposed to be friends i’ve been in the nc for week also what should i do after the nc and when i see him at work

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Nope you should greet him.. Check the link below on why you shouldn’t. Just be civil with him at work.. There’s another link for that too. You can initiate contact after nc.. And be very active in improving yourself during and after nc.
      EBR 057: Birthdays And The No Contact Rule
      EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

  2. C - 0



    I was dating my ex for 7 months. Things were good, then ok, then slowly fell apart. It tried everything to get him to stay, but last we spoke was in Oct, after i suspected he may be doing stuff behind my back. I said nasty things to him, he even blocked me on FB. I did NC and didnt speak to him. Found out he started dating this other girl, the one i suspected. Its been over 60 days and i found out he was engaged to this girl after like 3 months. I wanted to contact but not sure how to handle this now. It seems like they are serious, and he has forgotten me. What would you suggest, wait longer, contact now, moveon.

  3. Jane - 0


    Hey amor,
    Idk if you remember me. I have commented on here few times about my ex of four years that is a on and off relationship that he always broke up with me and came back. and last month he went to another state to see this girl. Well she came here last week and spent the weekend here and I saw her post a photo with him.. I was worried that he is serious with her if she visited him now. But then I realiZed she actually graduated with him 13 years ago and used to live in my state.but she did still come here to visit him clearly.. Also today online I saw another girl from his mma school post a group photo with him and another couple at a activity place. And I noticed he likes a lot of her photos and comments on her stuff too. I’m wondering if he is not serious about either women? Or can he have more then one rebound? I also thought it was weird that today he posted a video that I took of him from a year ago on our trip cross country when we made up the last time. Best vacation ever. I’m sure I’m over thinking but isn’t it weird that he went back a year into his phone to upload this old video from our vacation that we made up on which actually happened this same time of here.. I’m confused and not sure what to think. It’s going on three months at the end of this month. Still no contact and my number is blocked. What are your thoughts?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jane,

      yup I remember! That’s too much of a coincidence, maybe he remembered it, and if you’re still active in posting, maybe he checks that too but if you’re blocked, it can mean he’s not yet ready to talk.. and yes, he might be exploring dating by seeing a lot of women or maybe it didn’t work out with the other girl..

  4. Emma-Louise - 0


    Okay so this gets awfully complicated but it all ties in together..

    I was with my ex for 2.5 years and we were so happy we split in the April over a petty thing really and it just went from there.

    We agreed to stay friends because it would be a waste to just throw away 2 years of memories. I didn’t want to stay friends because I knew exs don’t become friends but I agreed because I didn’t want to lose him completely.
    We met up every now and then and talked about things exchanged stuff and spent a few hour and together once a week and it was getting to a point where it was good. We would flirt and laugh like normal.

    We agreed in July to try seeing each other exclusively and that went down well we would meet up more flirt and kiss and even slept together at one point.

    A month into this he started acting strange and I asked what was wrong he told me he’s kissed someone else on a night out and felt guilty and was angry that he had waited almost a month to tell me.

    We talked and agreed to just go back to friends I was obviously still hurt but I didn’t want to lose him.

    Everything was going well we would meet up go for a few drinks and go the pictures and even still flirt with each other. Until one night in September I told him I’d been on a date with someone else and I felt guilty about it because I still loved him. He then decided to tell me that he was seeing someone else. I felt like my whole world came crashing down apparently they’d been seeing each other for a few weeks and he was only just telling me.

    I was heartbroken and all he said was sorry and gave me a hug and walked away.
    A few days later stupidly I sent him a ridiculously long message telling him how I felt and he never replied. A few days later he text me telling me he’d unfriend me on Facebook and he was going to give it a shot with this new girl.. safe to say I was so upset I replied to him telling him I was sorry and all I want is to see him happy.
    From then on I enforced the 30 day no contact rule successfully might I add! I met someone else and I was happy for a few days.

    Until it came too the end of no contact and I reached out to my ex.. (I thought I was over him) I just casually asked how he was and he came back telling me he was unhappy and missed me and asked if we could meet up to talk.. at this point I’d ended my relationship with the person I was seeing. We met up and low and behold every feeling I had came rushing back as soon as I seen him.

    We talked and laughed for hours I asked him how his relationship was going and he told me it was the complete opposite of ours and he missed me. He was constantly arguing with her and she was the complete opposite of me she has a really bad background of drugs and has two kids from a previous relationship and she’s also bisexual. I’m not sounding big headed but she’s a downgrade.

    I tried my hardest to be there for my ex without getting involved in his relationship we would text without her knowing and meet up every now and then for a catch up.

    A few weeks ago I got stupidly drunk and told him I still had feelings for him and it was killing me watching him be with someone else. The next day when I was sober he phoned me and told me what I had said and I died of embarrassment, he then admitted he still had feelings for me and wants us to try again at some point he just couldn’t see his relationship falling apart right now. I didn’t really say much to that I changed the subject.

    A week or so later we met up and went into town to see the Christmas festival and we had a really good day before he left he gave me a hug and told me he’d see me soon.

    When I got home he text me telling me his girlfriend had caused an argument because she could smell my perfume on his coat and I felt so guilty. He told me he had sorted it but we have to be more careful about it next time.
    A few days ago my ex came to my side of the town to go on a night out with his mates and watch the game. He text me telling me he wasn’t out so I told him not to text me and enjoy his night.

    The next morning I got a phone call off him telling me he snapped last night and argued with his girlfriend because she accused him of being in town with me, thankfully he stuck up for me and told her she was out of order bringing me into it.
    Apparently they argued until 4 in the morning and apparently the conversation got heated.

    Throughout the day my ex text me and told me what was going on with him and his girlfriend and at about 6:30 I got a phone call off him telling me he’s has enough and he’s called it quits with her he can’t do it anymore. So they’ve split up.

    It’s been about 3 days since they split but she’s gone a bit crazy she is constantly arguing with him and when he doesn’t text her back she rings his mum. He’s had enough and wants her out of his life.

    I still love my ex so much and I want nothing more than to be with him but right now I’m not too sure what to do?

    What’s the next step after a rebound relationship has ended?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Emma,

      I dont know if yoy saw my reply to your previous post but I’ll just paste it here.. if you have further questions, don’t hesitate to ask..

      Hi Emma,

      if you want him back, then you’re so close now.. Just continue being friendly.. Dont say anything negative about the other girl

  5. Céleste Vermaelen - 0

    Céleste Vermaelen

    I just found out that my ex is together with the girl who we had a huge fight about. This girl has a crush on my ex and since we broke up he started talking to her. He said to me that he doesn’t wants to see me because he has still feelings for me. He also said to me that he thought I was not happy with him which is not true! I love him so much, I really think he is my soulmate and I know he thinks the same way about me. He doesn’t trusts me anymore and he is done with fights. I don’t know what to do anymore. I just wanted to start the no contact rule but maybe he will get over me in that time and doesn’t want me back anymore.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Celeste,

      So, do you plan on keeping in contact with him?

  6. cammi - 0


    cammi again,

    and wow today I saw that she went to dinner with his family… and met his parents when I never got the chance to! and she told her ex… and her ex told me! why would she need to tell he ex “oh i met my new boyfriends family” to rub it in because he never did… and they’ve only known been together for 3 weeks. wow such a fast rebound…

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Cammi,

      She’s probably using your ex to make her ex jealous. How did you act in dinner?

  7. cammi - 0



    I am seeing my ex bf (ryan) with my other friend on Monday the 12th for dinner.. and he has a new girlfriend. It happened fairly quick and the ex of her bf (john) messaged me and found me too. It’s very complicated but yes… apparently john said Cynthia (new gf) is still snap chatting him (her ex) and came to say hi to him at work.. tapped on his shoulder then went off.. she has dating my new bf but after 3 years with john… we all think this is too quick when they were already saying baby and love you after 2-3 weeks into ryan and cynthia dating. The situation is very sticky- I have not contacted my ex bf since the new gf and him uploading photos of them on snapchat and other social media places (wechat) and changing his whatsapp display pic for her,, since john was never that cheesy nor clingy, and loves this new attention from Ryan. I told john him being in the picture still means she is not over him because you let go of an ex and cut ties like ryan and I did to give your new relo a chance… so I don’t understand why she is.. considering ryan knew she was still iffy and had feelings for her ex and didn’t know what to do. So yes it is a rebound… moving too fast.. but how can I make myself look good in his eyes for dinner.. it can go two ways. 1- Act my normal bubbly self and be fun and just calm so he acts surprised as to why I don’t care? or 2- He will be glad I don’t care about him and his new gf and will be at peace… (since all my friends and his friends find his overly lovey-dovey snapchats very intense and infatuated type of thing).

    John is writing her an apology letter and I know my ex bf may not care now and show her that he’s fine talking to her, but deep down he is a very jealous, obsessive person and will make him upset and see it as weird… and she won’t like being controlled or to lose her freedom as John says.. she dislikes those certain qualities and being stubborn (which ryan is and lazy) so the presents and time won’t last forever… They are both 22 and john is 3 years older! but the reason they didn’t work is because he wasn’t as affectionate and didn’t introduce his parents to her and yeah.. lacked spark. But still… she is being very shady and not letting go as she was considering sleeping with her ex bf (john) but said she couldn’t 4 weeks ago because of still having feelings for him so it would be hard to keep it strictly sex; and the fact my ex bf advised her to not since he was doing that with me and it fu**s with your head he says. SO now… they are very happy but everyone is shocked and is certain they won’t last forever but to let them be and move on without moving on. Which I have, i am very logical!

    Just need your opinion on the matter and for DINNER on monday 12th of december.. and the whole cynthia still having strings attached to her ex even in a new relationship…

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Cammi,

      She’s probably using your ex to make her ex jealous. How did you act in dinner?

    • cammi - 0


      Ryan (ex) and my friend and I had dinner on monday night and it was all good.. no awkward silences and just typical us being friendly. We laughed a lot and just usual talking and we mentioned this guy he knows that was jealous of named Kiros. And then my friend priya, and I were wondering why kiros was liking other girls pictures and I was purposely trying to get him mad HAHA. Then yeah we said let’s go shisha/hookah to smoke and he said yeah I’ll see, have work early tomorrow so he said what about thursday you guys free? or the weekend? And i looked at him and said “sorry im busy” and laughed.. why would he try to see us again? which was weird.. maybe an excuse? But then yeah I was tipsy and dancing and singing so as we were going shisha he said na and so my friend and I walked him to the car park and we hugged him bye. Then he calls me to say “hey where are you.. want a lift to hookah lounge?” so we went in his car and i was surprised he called me and not my friend priya (considering she and him were facebook messaging) Then yeah in his car i would usually change his music and place my music on from my phone and he was laughing like “here we go again” and I said yeah you know the rules hahaha! i was still tipsy so i was dancing and singing along and he just kept laughing and he would place the volume down and I said “naa naa mate, you know the rules! volume needs to be even, i see you ” and he just laughed really loud hahaha! I grabbed his face and he was smiling and looking at me dancing. Then at shisha/hookah carpark I told him to come and my friend said yeah 1 puff only… and he was hesitant but came anyway! then we were smoking and he had a hickey on his neck (ew from her) and i only just realised which is fine.. then we got the shisha and started smoking and took turns but then my other friend came to say hi and as those two were talking about bollywood ryan kepy saying “one more puff and I have to go” we said where? he said I have work at 7am but that he had to be somewhere (his gf’s home lol) and then yeah i wouldnt give him the shisha and i pinched him and then he’d pinch me and laugh and try to get it off of me and I said no and there was flirtatious stuff happening!

      So eventually he left and my friend said “woah he was flirty, and vibes were good… it seemed like you two were dating again in the car, your inside jokes, him pinching you and you tapping on his cheek to help the smoke to come out and how he was looking at you at dinner and wearing the watch you got for his birthday” so yes.. i sensed the same vibes and he was just comfortable with me and glancing looks at eachother but then I’d quickly look away. and this one weird thing he said… when we were discussing Kiros the guy i like and find attractive and ryan knows and got jealous before. Ryan said “I don’t get (while laughing awkwardly) why you priya (our friend) get annoyed about this monica girl when your current boyfriend dated her 10 years ago hahaha, and cammi (me) I don’t get why you’re getting angry or care if kiros likes other girls photos? ” to his reply i said “ryan when someone tells you they like you then like someone else’s photo its weird” and he went quiet… my friend said maybe he got jealous cause we kept talking about kiros during dinner a lot and he wanted to suss out the info between you and kiros.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Yeah that was a good night out.. If that happens more often,especially once they have fights, there’s a chance he’ll miss you more

    • cammi - 0


      I don’t think it’ll happen often.. I am keeping away and not contacting him nor is he contacting me. But she on the other hand is contacting her ex via Snapchat everyday even just to keep a streak going.. and purposely send him a snap with the caption “when a handsome man makes you coffee” but then on her own story wall it says “when bryan makes you coffee<3" why are you rubbing it in? and she agreed 4 weeks ago that her new bf (my ex) could be a rebound and that she could be blinded.. but went with the flow.. and now its super serious way too quick.. my ex bf gets infatuated and rushes.. so shes met his parents and yeah.. but her ex is still around and she replies him whereas me and my ex have 0 communication,which is fine. so what do i do next?! let her flirt her way and make my ex bf jealous on her own terms since she isn't over her own ex hahaha

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      she gets to do that with her ex because she is the one that’s being chased. Maybe she likes the validation she feels having two guys in her life..sooner or later, ryan will get tired of her..he may miss and compare you to her but it would be better for you if he sees you better than the person you were before, not just better than the girl he’s with

  8. M - 0


    Hello, my ex broke up with me almost a year ago, after that we were supposed to remain friends but we only talked for a short while, never again(he also contacted me on my birthday). Now I’ve completely moved on from him, but I couldn’t help but notice that 1. he got into a new relationship 5 months after the breakup and 2. his new girl is pretty much exactly like me, we like the same things, we have the same interests, we want to pursue the same career. Honestly I don’t know what to make out of this…Why is looking for someone just like me?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi M,

      more likely because you both fall into his type preference…

  9. KK - 0


    Before I get into it I just want to appologize if my story shows up twice. I don’t think it loaded properly/froze.

    I just would like your opinion. I was with my exe for over a year and we’re pretty serious. He’s mid 20s I’m 30. He broke up with me 5 months ago because he claimed he needed to be alone “to work on himself.”

    Just after a month from our break up my exe started hooking up with a girl that used to date one of his friends. She’s over constantly. Still to this day (4 months later). I know someone who isn’t super close to the girl, but she ended up asking her what’s up. The girl claims they aren’t dating they are just “close friends.” And my exe tell others they “just hang out.” So not official or anything or at least won’t come out and say it…

    I still have my doubts. I mean it’s been 4 months. By know you should know if you want to commit to each other.

    Do You think it simply just FWB and they won’t become a couple?

    Also the friend of mine said recently she past by when she was leaving his house. She said she saw my ex go in for a kiss on the cheek and then a tight hug. What goodbye greeting does that mean? You think it completely means they aren’t bf/gf??

    I know when my ex & I started seeing each other we were a weird no label/FWB situation too…I wanted more though….but I would kiss him good bye at the door on the lips. He’d initiate too at times but I always made sure it was a kiss goodbye. We were the no label thing for 2 months before he made us official. Then told me he loved me not that much longer after….

    I know everyone’S relationship is different. But with these details, what do you think their parting meant?

    On a side note, my exe & I are on speaking terms although I haven’t heard from him in awhile (he contacted me 2 months after break up…we talked every few days but it’s stopped to be way less and we’d go weeks without talking now). I’m not interested in chasing him mainly because of the other girl. I’m not happy with his post break up behavior. It’s not to say I’m not open to getting back with him. The only way I would is if he was the one to come out and chase and ask me back. Which hasn’t happened. He hasn’t put in an effort that way so I’m not pursuing.

    But ya I just would like to know so you think they are bf/gf & are just not saying it? What did their parting way mean?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi kk,

      it’s hard to what their actions really meant, but if he’s doing the same things he did with you to her, then they’re probably heading the same way.

  10. Relentless - 0


    Can you write an article about what to do if your boyfriend hasn’t fallen in love later in the relationship? Do some take a while, or does it normally happen beginning?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Relentless,

      thank you for suggesting but I have to ask if you meant if your boyfriend fall out of love later on or did you mean he didn’t really love you since the beginning?

    • Relentless - 0


      He didn’t fall in love since beginning. It’s hopeless right?

    • Relentless - 0


      I’m trying to rebuild attraction, how can I do that if he admitted he doesn’t/never loved me?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      honestly, there’s nothing to rebuild if he didn’t love you in the first place. Because if he’s staying with you right now, that means he’s still getting what he wanted, like sex and company.

  11. Lena - 0


    Me and my ex dated for around 2 years but had feelings for each other for around 3. We’ve been broken up for a little over 6 months. We loved each other a lot at one point and he was really sweet but the last year that we were dating he became a lot less sweet. We don’t live together and he only wanted to be with me once a week and I wanted more time and we argued about that a lot. Around a month or 2 months after we broke up he started hanging out with husband sister’s best friend as more than friends I believe. He told me tho that he wasn’t thinking about getting into a relationship anytime soon. Yet he was still hanging with her like they were more than friends and I’m concerned they might be becoming more serious. I did the no contact rule but after 3 months I texted him and he was very cold to me and said mean things. I think he avoids being at the same place as me but when we’re at the same place my friends tell me he stares at me a lot. I want to know what all of that means. It still hurts every day and I can’t seem to stop loving him. I don’t know what to do

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lena,

      dis you improve yourself during and after nc? And why was he mean to you after the last nc? what was your text?

  12. Princess - 0


    My boyfriend and I broke up last week Tuesday. We got into an argument and that break us apart. Before the breakup, he blocked me on his WhatsApp application because he wanted to use a particular girl’s picture as a display image and to wish her happy birthday. When I noticed I was blocked, gave my cousin his phone number to add him on WhatsApp and tell me who he used as display picture. Found out he was dating someone else aside me. We’ve been together for so long and our family knew about us even friends. In a nutshell he’s my fiancé. But he was always complaining I don’t give him rest of mind, we fight a lot and get into arguments cos my fiancé is aggressive and I always want him to understand my point of view. He said he wasn’t happy in the relationship and he needed someone to make him happy cos right now am far away from him. He’s in Africa while am in America. He told me to date someone else that he can’t go on. I begged and cried till this moment. My mum called he won’t pick her calls. Later on he said I should give him sometime and work on myself. I wrote one of his friends to beg on my behalf and that got him upset. His friend told me that he seems to have made up his mind. We still talk, but nothing serious. He check on me and I do the same. Right now I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s like my whole world is about to come to an end. Pls help me out

  13. Anon - 0


    My boyfriend and I were together for just over two and half years, towards the end of our relationship, we began arguing an awful lot.
    I told him that if things carried on the way they were, that our relationship would end – in July, I told him I couldn’t carry on like this.

    He had been non-stop texting/calling/sending me flowers until mid-September, begging me to give him another chance. I needed more time for him to prove he’d changed.
    Never the less he definitely knew I still loved him, and there is no doubt in my mind that he still loves me, to this day

    SHOCK – Last week in September, he is officially in a new relationship, Facebook Official – the works.

    How do I know that this new relationship won’t end up being a serious long term one?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Anon,

      she’s probably a rebound.. so, that means he didn’t change?

  14. Olivia - 0


    i have been in a relationship for 3 yrs. i broke up with him – reason is that he doesn’t put any effort on me, failing communication and all – but he won’t address it when i wanted to talk about it. he was so hurt that I have known that in not less than 3 mos. he had girlfriends but is still flirting with others. we are now 6 or 7 mos. apart, i never succeeded in the no contact rule. and then recently he moved with a girl. but fact is, he is still loves me. and the girl is fully aware of this – and she doesn’t love him also (well, not yet). i don’t know if it’s still rebound? i’m afraid this one will be serious since he told me to back off – i’m blocked in his phone. he said he was hurt and he is willing to start anew and that it is too late for a reconciliation now. why would he give up someone he said he love? i think it’s unfair since we never really had a serious talk after the breakup. hell, the breakup wasn’t really that bad – i was always open for him. i even had the guts to do crazy stuff for him to come back – but he won’t take it. any advice? thank you.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Olivia,

      it’s nit real love if he keeps cheating on you.. Correct me if I’m wrong,.he had girlfriends when you were just three months in right? And now, you’ve broken up, he moves in with another girl..

      for me, you should move on but if you cant, you should at least do 45 days no contact..Heal, reflect and improve yourself

    • Olivia - 0


      Hi Amor,

      Thanks for your reply. No – he did not cheat. He had girlfriends and flings – which were kind of rebound when I had broken up with him after 3 months. Technically, it’s not cheating since we are not an into a relationship anymore. He moved in with another girl, but he admitted still loves me. and i feel it’s true – it shows in his eyes and smiles. this would be my last shot to win him back.

      i’ll follow your 45 days no contact. but in December 3rd week, i’ll be seeing him since i’ll be attending his cousin’s birthday party – i am great friends with his cousins and family. hmmm. actually, i’m having doubts if i would still attend. haha.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Oh ok! I’m sorry! That’s good that he didn’t cheat. And technically, you’re right because you weren’t together when he had other girlfriends. If you attend the party, just be civil and polite with him.

    • Olivia - 0


      Hi Amor,

      Is it normal for the present girlfriend of an ex boyfriend to be friendly towards you? My ex’s current gf has messaged me in facebook asking how am I. I can’t fathom why hahahha. It’s just been 8 days since i started NC. i don’t know what to feel hahaha. it’s kind of ridiculous and irritating ahhahah. maybe she just pitied me when i was begging for him to come back T^T

    • Olivia - 0


      Hi Amor,

      What would it mean if his present girlfriend is asking me how am I? she messaged me after about 10days of NC. Maybe she pitied me because she had somehow witnessed me begging for my ex to comeback (over the phone) haha. is that bad?
      After the NC, would it be okay to text him even if he has a girlfriend?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yeah, it cam be because of that. Well, it’s not really ok.. I’m being a devil’s advocate here but if you really want to build rapport, you have no other choice.

    • Olivia - 0



      I’m so sad right now. He already introduced his new girlfriend (for 1 month and 2 or 3 weeks) to his family, officially, which he never did to me. (Of course, I know the family, but was never introduced officially as girlfriend hehe). And i was talking with his cousin and she said they were so sweet, and that it would not be a surprised if some time from now, i’ll receive news that he’s getting married. T^T this is so heartbreaking. what do i do?

      is that normal, a guy after a 3 year relationship, will move in after 6mos.of breakup, with a girl she just knew and then plan to get marry? is it all because of sex? (because we never did it). what to do realllyyyy??? i don’t want to see them, together, but i want to attend his cousin’s birthday. i don’t wanna be a loser T^T

      Lately, i’m planning to cut contact (i found the article somewhere). and just move on from him! i have been so desperate and pathetic and it’s enough. but it’s hard not to think about him.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      It is possible if he sees the other girl as a better option.. If you want to move on, yes, cut contact.. It doesn’t mean you would forget. You will still think about him but now your choosing to act more for yourself to move on while in pain.. Over time, you’ll move on

  15. Jennifer - 0


    Great article. I especially like the fact that you talk about things that noone has ever touched on. I have a question Amor, what do I do if my ex never reaches out to me?

  16. Rachael - 0


    Hi there… I was with my boyfriend for around 1.5 years, we have been on and off for a long time because we used to argue a lot. In the past 2 weeks he grew very distant from me and it stressed me out. We eventually talked and he said he wasn’t sure if he wanted to be with me so thought we should break up. And though not the main reason, he told me there was some girl at his workplace who was interested in him. I feel so sad and sick, I really feel like he is ‘the one’, but we’ve both not worked hard enough for the relationship for it to work. I’m trying no contact, but I just feel so sick knowing he is seeing and talking to this girl. The thing is he told me he still thinks I’m a great person and that I did nothing wrong in the relationship… I think he is just enticed by the prospect of a new girl because the beginning stages are always flirty and fun without stress. What is the likelihood of him just moving on from me and liking someone else? Should I just carry on with no contact, even though in this time he wont hear from me but will be talking to this girl? 🙁

  17. Sylwia - 0


    My boyfriend broke up with me 4 months ago. Since that time I did no contact rule, after 2 months I met with with him. He told me that it is good that we broke up, because right now we are better versions of ourselves. After this meeting I didn’t talk with him for about month. 2 weeks ago I started texting him in this way which you recommend. He is kind to me, he wrote me even that he was thinking about me, but week ago he wrote me that he doesn’t want us to be couple for seriously, I told him that I don’t want either( obviously it’s not true) in moment when I told him this he offered me friendly sex. What should I do to get him back?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      It’s good that you used reverse psychology. he’s trying to friends with benefits with you. Did you say no?

    • Sylwia - 0


      I told him that maybe coffee first…. I didn’t say no

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      that’s ok, because it’s another way of saying no.. try that..text, call, talk, go out, and just refuse having sex.. have fun but dont be too available

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