There is nothing more dreadful than seeing your ex move on with someone you perceive as better than you.
Today we’re going to discuss what to do if you find yourself in that situation.
At some point during the process of getting someone back, you will have to face the reality that the person could potentially find someone better than you. However, there are two approaches you can take when you have to face this reality.
- You can let it make you
- You can let it break you
The Fear Of Your Ex Finding Someone Better
From our observation, most people eventually end up letting this fear control them.
But here’s a controversial take:
If you are worried about your ex finding someone better than you, then that issue lies with you most of the time. You are allowing your mind and insecurities to take control of your life, which means you haven’t mastered your mind.
A point to note is that narratives like “my ex will find someone better than me” or “move on to someone new” are narratives that your mind creates out of fear.
It says stuff like ‘This new person is way better than me’ or ‘There’s no way I could get him back now.’
What we must understand to tackle these thoughts is that our mind is something that we have to control if we want emotional control for ourselves.
The funny part about this whole process is since your mind knows you better than anyone. It recognizes when you start to overthink situations like your ex finding someone better than you, and then it knows how to exaggerate your inner, deepest, darkest fears.
We’ve noticed that when people are stuck in situations like these, their fight or flight response gets triggered.
Firstly, we have anxious trends that we’ve recognized in our clients. These include fighting, begging for their ex back after a breakup, making a fool of themselves by sending their ex gifts, showing up at their ex’s doorstep, showing up to their ex’s work, or trying anything possible to get their ex’s attention.
The alternate to this is the flight response, where they will run away and ignore their ex. People do this because it is too scary for them to open up and be hurt further. This is because they are already overwhelmed by the existing hurt, which is all happening in their mind.
This is why it’s pivotal for you to master your mind and control that little voice in the back of your head that keeps on telling you that your ex’s new person is better than you or that your ex will move on to someone new. You will need to find a way to wage and win a war against that voice.
How Do You Conquer the Power of Fear Within Your Mind?
In our opinion, if you are worried about your ex finding someone new/better than you, the issue lies with your self-confidence.
This should be your starting point at conquering the power of fear.
It is common for people to project their fears onto other people. So when people come to us and tell us that their ex has found a new girl who is so much better than us, it makes us think the same as ‘I do not feel good about myself, and I do not have much confidence in myself.’
To address this, you will need to find ways to build your self-confidence after the breakup.
We’ve spoken about the 3 layers of confidence on this website before:
- the surface layer
- internal layer
- lifestyle layer
You can read more about this on our blog.
However, it does not necessarily help you through a situation like this until you fully grasp what is happening.
What we must understand is that you must not fall victim to the Knight and Shining Armor Principle.
What is the Knight and Shining Armor Principle?
This industry is a perfect way of encapsulating this idea.
Since this website is a breakup advice forum, we essentially become people’s knights in shining armor.
We give out advice is that triggers people and helps them get their ex back; however, we’ve recognized that there is no concept of a knight in shining armor when this type of thing is concerned.
The misconception people have about most of the advice given through our website is that it is a magic bullet or a couple of tactics that will solve their relationship problems: do this and make your ex have an epiphany that you are the perfect person for them and voila!
Unfortunately, it’s not that simple at all!
The truth is that there will not be a knight in shining armor that will come and save you. This website or our YouTube videos will not bring your ex for you, so it is pivotal to understand that only you can help yourself bring your ex back. Only you can help yourself conquer your mind. The sooner you realize and accept this fact and stop looking at everyone else to solve your problems, only then will you be content.
In a day and age like today, where we are used to instant results like exemplified by Google Maps finding your way to an unknown location in an instant, we become irritated when those patterns don’t repeat in our relationships.
Instant results are good, but they do not teach you to be self-reliant. Instant results teach you to rely on other people to solve all your problems.
In some cases, it can be helpful, but in most cases, even a nice support group can’t help you because you must be the one to conquer your internal demons, to negate the negative thoughts you are having about your ex.
You cannot expect a knight in shining armor to come and solve all your problems.
Sure, we can give you tools to tackle your problems, but it is up to you to utilize them.
No one is coming to save you or give you the answers you seek.
The fact is that you have the answers you seek, but you do not know them yet. You’ll find them all inside you as you go through pain and suffering.
This can be seen in ultra-athletes or marathon runners, where through the pain of intense training, they find something in themselves when the body meets the mind, and they can almost transcend reality.
The same can be applied to break up suffering because not only will you learn more about yourself, but you will also create confidence for yourself as you will have this experience to draw from.
Heck, even I thought I’d never get over my ex at some point in life, but I eventually outgrew them and emerged as a better version of myself.
Once you have the correct mindset, we can discuss what you should be doing if you think your ex has found someone better than you.
You should prove your ex wrong by showing them that there is no one better than you.
Taking ownership of your problems and recognizing that you can and will solve them is the first step in this process. The second step is much more fun.
You can do many things to show your ex that there is no one better than you, but going back to the holy trinity of Health, Wealth, and Relationships should be your go-to mechanism.
The Health, Wealth and Relationships Concept
For those unfamiliar, the health, wealth, and relationship concept is a mechanism to divide the important things in your life into these 3 areas.
The overall goal of this concept is to balance these 3 categories, which help you live a more fulfilled life. The problem is that when we go through the emotional turmoil of a breakup, things spin out of balance.
When you go through a breakup, the relationship aspect of your life becomes unbalanced, and you focus all your effort on fixing the relationship aspect.
This takes the effort away from the other two aspects, and your health and wealth are neglected. This activates a negative momentum that feeds into your relationship aspect as well in interactions with other friends and family.
So now the breakup has not only left you heartbroken but also made you feel depressed and doubting yourself.
The best technique is to work it backward. Sometimes pain and suffering can act as catalysts to find a defining moment for you.
One of the best ways to overcome the pain and suffering you’re feeling because of this breakup or your ex finding someone better than you is by tackling things outside your relationship. This is a good idea because you are upset at losing control over the relationship aspect, so it should help you exert control over aspects you still have full control over.
Examples include if you feel like you have gotten out of shape, start running again. If you feel like you have slacked at work, then be more in the moment and focus on your job. You will notice that by focusing on your health and/or wealth, the results will eventually positively impact the relationship part of your holy trinity.
This is one of the smartest things to make your ex think that no one is better than you; however, it is not the only thing you need to do.
Another aspect that I see as the extension of the holy trinity of the health, wealth, and relationship categories is your magnum opus.
Think of this as your legacy – something you want to be remembered for.
The more you focus on your magnum opus and get closer to achieving it, the more self-confidence you will have as your ex and his new partner will feel insignificant compared to your life’s purpose.
This is a key concept, and it will help you through your entire life if you adopt it. It is a known fact that most people are afraid of failing, but in our opinion, nothing will teach you better than failing because when you embrace a failure and do not enable it to break you, then you are doing something right.
If you embrace failure at work, maybe you will feel bad about it for a moment but do not give up.
During a health-based activity like running, maybe you aimed to run 6 miles, but you could only run 1.5 miles.
If you do not learn to embrace failure, you will feel worse and quit. But if you learn to embrace failure, you will understand that running is a process that takes plenty of failures.
You will not run 6 miles on your first try, but you will eventually get there by trying again and again till you reach a point where your heart is stronger, your stamina is better, and 6 miles doesn’t seem so hard anymore.
This emphasizes what it means to embrace failure and why you should apply it in all aspects of your life.
Do not look at your failures as mess-ups, rather look at them as opportunities to learn something. Learn from your mistakes and learn not to repeat them.
Work Hard When You Do Not Want to Work Hard
The final concept we want you to understand is that you should work hard even when you do not want to work hard.
An example is that you woke up incredibly sore this morning, and your first thought was, ‘I do not want to work.’
However, if you train yourself to understand that your mind wants me to be lazy and quit, you will not give in so easily. Your mind wants you to do fun things instead of working hard.
You will be asked to do things out of your comfort zone at every junction of this program where you try to get your ex back or show them that there is no one better than you.
A good example of this is a no contact rule. For example’s sake, let’s take the 30 day no contact rule. For 30 days, you must not talk to your ex, so there will be many moments where your mind will say things like:
- What if they find someone better?
- What if they become really mad at me?
- What if they forget about me?
These are a few examples that might want you to break your no contact rule and reach out to them based on fear.
This is when you need to overcome these fears and stay true to your original game plan. This is when you must recognize that your mind is trying to fool you and make you live life-based on fear.
Recognizing fear-based doubts is the first step, and the next is working hard despite everything holding you back!
Along with these steps, you should also post updates on social media because this is an indirect non-in-your-face way of showing your ex that this breakup did not break you. You are not going to get beaten by whatever your ex’s definition of winning the relationship is.
Teaching yourself the importance of a balanced trinity of health, wealth, and relationships, training yourself to do hard work, and learning to embrace failure will instill the confidence in you that was missing.
It will be pivotal for talking to your ex again, even if they are with someone new.
Even if your ex has moved on to someone new, the idea of this entire process is that you become so confident that you no longer care about your ex or this new person at all. This is when you implement the ‘being there’ mindset and see its effectiveness.
You can scroll through our website or YouTube channel to learn more about the ‘being there’ method, but it is basically an end-game plan for when your ex has indeed moved on to someone else.
We know this piece was a more complicated one; however, the simple crux is that when you learn to control your mind and master control over it, then not only will these processes be easier, but you will be much more confident in yourself.