It never fails. You get to our site. You hear us say that their is this wonderful program that works wonders for getting your ex back. You read about no contact and all of the Ex Boyfriend Recovery (we lovingly call it EBR for short) tactics we use to accomplish it. And almost every single person goes,
“But, what if my ex boyfriend finds someone better?”
“What if he moves on and I lose him forever?”
“What if he finds someone new while I’m in No Contact of before I finish No Contact?”
and then there are those of you who’s exes have already jumped into a relationship and is already dating someone new. Our ladies find themselves going,
“My ex already has a new girlfriend and she is prettier/more fun/more successful than me!”
“If he’s already with another woman, what can I do?”
“He already found someone better. Does that mean he is going to forget about me?”
Chances are that one of these thoughts has already crossed your mind. For most of our visitors those driving forces are what brings them to our site in the first place.
And, boy, do I have some good news for you…
We can help!
I know… I know… it seems too good to be true.
And if you think we are going to POOF away your problems then YES it IS too good to be true.
The EBR Process takes three things:
- A certain mindset
- A TRUE commitment to following the steps outlines
- The ability to be honest with yourself and the professionals in the group that are working with you. (If you choose to interact with us, which… I hope you do.)
That being said… I’m going to get things started by getting off topic. I know… if you’ve been here before you are probably like…
And yeah, I know… but if you stick around, hopefully you do, you’ll come to realize that both me and Chris tend to get off on tangents every now and again, and I tend to make some pretty strange analogies… but there is always a point. And if I do say so myself, we are pretty good at our jobs.
So, that being said, I am going to ask you a strange question.
How good is your peripheral vision?
Most people think theirs is WAY better than it is. Hence why so many people text and drive thinking that it doesn’t effect their driving that much. But that’s not the tangent I’m going to get on.
I want to do a test with you right now. It’s simple. Just cover your left eye. Then, with your right hand, hold a pen out in front of you. Choose a focal point past your finger and do not move your focus from it. Now, move the pen slowly towards the side, like this:
Do the same on your right side. At what point does the pen become blurry each time?
You’ll notice that there that at a point where the pen becomes blurry and then hard to see at all while still focusing on the object out in front.
The pink diamond represents the object that you are focused on (your ex) and the dots follow the path of the pen (different aspects of your life). The brighter dots closer to the focal point are clearer and easier to see while the grayer dots aren’t clear at all or are completely out of focus.
You are probably wondering how this ties into your ex possibly finding a girlfriend 2.0.
Well, I’ll get to that in a minute.
Sufficed to say, it will make complete sense by the time we make it to the end of this article. I promise.
But, in order to get there we need to look at a few other things.
Right now you are in a place where you may not understand why you and your ex didn’t work. And you find yourself questioning anything and everything about your interactions with your ex… or the lack thereof.
Understanding Your Breakup: Are You Stuck?
Yes. Yes. I know that you probably are going, I know more about my breakup than you do, Ashley.
I don’t disagree.
But, we here at EBR have the advantage of having an outside perspective, uninhibited by the overwhelming surge of emotions that comes with a breakup.
Oh, and the fact that we’ve seen almost EVERY breakup scenario you could possibly throw at us. (although if you don’t seem to find your situation covered in the book or one of our articles PLEASE let us know in the comments section that appears at the bottom of the page after any of the articles so we can be of more use to our readers. Not to mention our team is very active on the site and within our Facebook Page. So, you’re likely to get a response fairly quickly.)
Well, you may know more about your situation and you may know more about your ex than I do. But, I can undoubtedly say that there are a few solid facts that surround every breakup that has ever happened from the beginning of time to the end of it.
- One of you, if not both of you was unhappy.
- One of you, if not both of you realized that you couldn’t see a future with the other.
- You are both human, meaning you might not handle every situation perfectly.
Let’s talk about these for a second before we move on.
Our visitors usually come to us with a TON of questions regarding these facts, such as:
- If he was unhappy, then what made him unhappy? A lot of the time, when a breakup occurs we are left questioning if the reasons given are the real reasons behind the breakup. So, you’re left questioning it.
- One of the most prevalent reasons for a breakup that usually goes unexplained is the fact that each of us has an idea in our head of the future we want and the significant other that we see in it. Sometimes we look at the person we are dating and they just aren’t that or they aren’t helping get to that. Think about it though. Half the time we just know these things and we don’t really know the exact reason that is. After coming to that decision, it is hard to change their mind. We’ll talk about tactics that will help in a bit.
- Communication is one of the things that people fail at in general. We are constantly second guessing what people mean and what they REALLY want. Tell me there isn’t something your ex said that isn’t driving you bananas because you keep trying to decipher it. I bet you can’t. Most people find themselves going over old conversations again and again like Tom Hanks in Da Vinci Code.
And then there is always the question that led you to this article. If I wasn’t the person that my ex wants to build a future with right now… I say “right now”, because an integral part of the EBR Program is becoming a better version of yourself by becoming Ungettable… then what happens if he meets someone else, someone better?
I don’t know if you are new to the EBR site or if you’ve already made it through, but I am going to tell you something that might be hard to hear. In fact, you might as well get used to it if you want to be successful at getting your ex back. The entire process is full of doing things you don’t really want to do or when you don’t really want to do them.
So, here’s the thing you don’t really want to hear…
You’ve ALREADY done something that could undermine this process.
Every single person does it though, so I wouldn’t be too hard on yourself about it.
Focusing on these tiny questions can derail you from actually achieving your goals.
Yeah I know.
Most of the time I talk about figuring out what it is that caused your relationship to fall apart and using that information to inform your decisions going forward.
But, the thing is, if those answers don’t come easily, a lot of our ladies get stuck in a frantic cycle of trying to get answers. And THAT keeps them from moving forward. Sometimes it even causes them to break No Contact to try and get an answer from their ex and that lessens their chances of getting their ex back at all.
You see the dilemma?
So, if you don’t know for certain what it is that caused your breakup or you are still hung up on some one-liner your ex threw out there that just really didn’t make sense, I’m going to take this moment to stop you in your tracks.
Some of you are doing that thing where you haven’t really processed the past few paragraphs. You’re still dwelling on some question I mentioned earlier that you hadn’t thought of and now it’s just driving you bananas.
If you are doing this, now is the time to quit it.
Go back, read the last couple of paragraphs and then let me tell you one of the most important things you need to hear right now.
Understanding your situation isn’t the same as being ruled by it.
Read it again.
Write it down.
Put it where you can see it throughout the day, especially at the moments that you’re mind tends to wander. (I usually pu stuff like this inside the visor of my car so I can pull it down and see it while I’m driving… when I think about all sorts of things.)
If you have been sitting there over-analyzing since your breakup, now is the time to change the course you are on. Because, it will undermine any progress you make in the EBR Program.
Correcting Your Course When You’re Stuck
Whether today is your first time hearing about Ex Boyfriend Recovery, or you’ve already started the Program, if you have been stuck in this pattern it is time to break it.
I was literally JUST talking to one of the girls about this tonight. In the book Chris talks about how long it talks to break a habit. On average it takes about 66 days. Minimum it takes at least 21. If you are spending a majority of your day wondering about your ex, you aren’t focused on the other areas of your life.
Let me show you something using that peripheral test we were talking about.
Consider each of the dots in the diagram to be the different areas of your life that need to improve in order to your life to be in order and you to be Ungettable (UG for short). Okay?
And consider the pink diamond out in front to be your ex and his actions.
During your relationship, you tied certain areas of your life to your ex and his opinion. Like if you had a routine or hobby that you did together they would represented by the more pink dots that are closer to the focal point, “your ex”.
Lets map them out like this for this example.
Your life is made up of many different aspects. I summed them up to hobbies, career, education, and connections with friends and family. These highlighted ones are the ones that your ex had a hand in or you felt were connected to him somehow.
So, let’s say after your breakup you get hung up on focusing on and over-analyzing your ex, but you are trying to follow the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Programs and make you and your life as appealing and Ungettable as you can. But, you keep getting stuck on that one thing he said or did and end up asking things like the subject of this article:
What if he moves on?
What if he doesn’t come back?
How successful do you think you are going to be when you are still focused on your ex and what he is or could be doing?
You would only be able to give half-attention to the areas that allow you to keep obsessing about your ex, right?
But… let’s say you took away the constant focus on your ex.
Suddenly you would be able to turn your concentration to ALL aspects of your life. So, when he does get curious and snoop on your Facebook or reply to that first text after No Contact he sees something that looks more like this:
If you were him, which on would stir your curiosity more?
If you said the bright, full, and diversely colorful life then you would be right.
So, now that I’ve harped on this for a little bit, let’s talk about the reason you chose to read this article, because we all know that you are still wondering what to do if your ex finds someone new while you are busy doing No Contact.
(You can admit it. It takes some good habit building to get past letting those thoughts control you.)
So without further ado…
What to Do If Your Ex DOES Find Someone”Better”
Well, first, notice that I put quotes around better. Why?
Because, better is subjective. Someone is only better because of who is doing the comparing and what it is being compared to.
Right now you are a heart-broken girl who is hyper focused on getting her ex back. To be honest, that is not going to be the most attractive thing to your ex.
However, someone else is going to be new and exciting temporarily. Then, assuming she isn’t running at 100% all the time, her faults will become visible and she’ll be just Someone Else.
So, try not to think of her as “better.”
She’s just a person.
If you focused on your life and becoming Ungettable, you could easily be Even Better than her.
Just, don’t get hung up on the better part.
Now, here’s the deal with him finding someone else. If he does… you just progress through the Program as it’s laid out.
I know. Big shocker right?
Here’s the thing. Taking on the task of getting your ex back with Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro takes commitment. (Remember I said that earlier when I was listing the three things you’ll need to take this program on?)
It’s not an easy process. You are going to CONSTANTLY want to find ways to make it easier. You’ll even try and convince yourself that you, the person who was so overwhelmed by the thought of your ex finding someone better… that you typed it into Google and found your way here, know more than an entire team of people who have helped more people than you can even count get there ex back.
Your ex may very well find himself dating other people.
Go ahead, take a moment. I know that thought hurts. If it happens it will suck a lot more.
But, have you ever heard the saying “worry accomplishes nothing”?
Well. it couldn’t be more true.
Our brains are only wired to muster so much energy. If you spend all of it on worry, you won’t have the energy to muster up the will-power to stay in No Contact.
Chris actually did a podcast on tactics you can use to get an ex back who is seeing someone else IF it happens. And knowing that it is possible isn’t a bad thing. Just don’t spend a ton of time on it. It will drain you of that energy.
If you’d like to listen to the podcast, you can find it here. It has more detailed actions you can take. It is just really important that you go into the program with the right mindset.
I’m gonna set you up with access to all of the stuff you need to get your ex back.
or you could just watch this video that Chris made
Alright, So… What Have We Learned?
We’ve learned that
- When it comes to getting your ex back, you are most likely to be your own best enemy.
- That, in order to be successful, you have to shift your focus from over-analyzing your ex to more productive things that will essentially make your life better in the long run.
- That even if your ex does date someone else, you still have a chance of making it through EBR Pro and being successful. It’s all about will-power.
Do you think you have what it takes?
Alright so, you have plenty of things to do; articles to read, videos to watch, podcasts to listen to.
But, I’ll tell you what.
I’ll go one step further.
In the comment section below, let’s have a conversation about your situation. Our team is ready and willing to hear what you have to say and get you on your way to getting him back.
Here’s what I want to know.
- Are you considering EBR? Halfway through EBR? Have you finished it?
- Where is your focus? Is it on your ex? what areas of your life could you give more love?
- And last of all, tell me about your breakup. I know you’re dying to. Go ahead.
Let’s do it!