By Chris Seiter

Updated on August 17th, 2021

There is nothing more dreadful than seeing your ex move on with someone you perceive as better than you.

Today we’re going to discuss what to do if you find yourself in that situation.

At some point during the process of getting someone back, you will have to face the reality that the person could potentially find someone better than you. However, there are two approaches you can take when you have to face this reality.

  1. You can let it make you
  2. You can let it break you

Let’s begin!

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The Fear Of Your Ex Finding Someone Better

From our observation, most people eventually end up letting this fear control them.

But here’s a controversial take:

If you are worried about your ex finding someone better than you, then that issue lies with you most of the time. You are allowing your mind and insecurities to take control of your life, which means you haven’t mastered your mind.

A point to note is that narratives like “my ex will find someone better than me” or “move on to someone new” are narratives that your mind creates out of fear.

It says stuff like ‘This new person is way better than me’ or ‘There’s no way I could get him back now.’

What we must understand to tackle these thoughts is that our mind is something that we have to control if we want emotional control for ourselves.

The funny part about this whole process is since your mind knows you better than anyone. It recognizes when you start to overthink situations like your ex finding someone better than you, and then it knows how to exaggerate your inner, deepest, darkest fears.

We’ve noticed that when people are stuck in situations like these, their fight or flight response gets triggered.

Firstly, we have anxious trends that we’ve recognized in our clients. These include fighting, begging for their ex back after a breakup, making a fool of themselves by sending their ex gifts, showing up at their ex’s doorstep, showing up to their ex’s work, or trying anything possible to get their ex’s attention.

The alternate to this is the flight response, where they will run away and ignore their ex. People do this because it is too scary for them to open up and be hurt further. This is because they are already overwhelmed by the existing hurt, which is all happening in their mind.

This is why it’s pivotal for you to master your mind and control that little voice in the back of your head that keeps on telling you that your ex’s new person is better than you or that your ex will move on to someone new. You will need to find a way to wage and win a war against that voice.

How Do You Conquer the Power of Fear Within Your Mind?

In our opinion, if you are worried about your ex finding someone new/better than you, the issue lies with your self-confidence.

This should be your starting point at conquering the power of fear.

It is common for people to project their fears onto other people. So when people come to us and tell us that their ex has found a new girl who is so much better than us, it makes us think the same as ‘I do not feel good about myself, and I do not have much confidence in myself.’

To address this, you will need to find ways to build your self-confidence after the breakup.

We’ve spoken about the 3 layers of confidence on this website before:

  1. the surface layer
  2. internal layer
  3. lifestyle layer

You can read more about this on our blog.

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However, it does not necessarily help you through a situation like this until you fully grasp what is happening.

What we must understand is that you must not fall victim to the Knight and Shining Armor Principle.

What is the Knight and Shining Armor Principle?

This industry is a perfect way of encapsulating this idea.

Since this website is a breakup advice forum, we essentially become people’s knights in shining armor.

We give out advice is that triggers people and helps them get their ex back; however, we’ve recognized that there is no concept of a knight in shining armor when this type of thing is concerned.

The misconception people have about most of the advice given through our website is that it is a magic bullet or a couple of tactics that will solve their relationship problems: do this and make your ex have an epiphany that you are the perfect person for them and voila!

Unfortunately, it’s not that simple at all!

The truth is that there will not be a knight in shining armor that will come and save you. This website or our YouTube videos will not bring your ex for you, so it is pivotal to understand that only you can help yourself bring your ex back. Only you can help yourself conquer your mind. The sooner you realize and accept this fact and stop looking at everyone else to solve your problems, only then will you be content.

In a day and age like today, where we are used to instant results like exemplified by Google Maps finding your way to an unknown location in an instant, we become irritated when those patterns don’t repeat in our relationships.

Instant results are good, but they do not teach you to be self-reliant. Instant results teach you to rely on other people to solve all your problems.

In some cases, it can be helpful, but in most cases, even a nice support group can’t help you because you must be the one to conquer your internal demons, to negate the negative thoughts you are having about your ex.

You cannot expect a knight in shining armor to come and solve all your problems.

Sure, we can give you tools to tackle your problems, but it is up to you to utilize them.

No one is coming to save you or give you the answers you seek.

The fact is that you have the answers you seek, but you do not know them yet. You’ll find them all inside you as you go through pain and suffering.

This can be seen in ultra-athletes or marathon runners, where through the pain of intense training, they find something in themselves when the body meets the mind, and they can almost transcend reality.

The same can be applied to break up suffering because not only will you learn more about yourself, but you will also create confidence for yourself as you will have this experience to draw from.

Heck, even I thought I’d never get over my ex at some point in life, but I eventually outgrew them and emerged as a better version of myself.

Once you have the correct mindset, we can discuss what you should be doing if you think your ex has found someone better than you.

You should prove your ex wrong by showing them that there is no one better than you.

Taking ownership of your problems and recognizing that you can and will solve them is the first step in this process. The second step is much more fun.

You can do many things to show your ex that there is no one better than you, but going back to the holy trinity of Health, Wealth, and Relationships should be your go-to mechanism.

The Health, Wealth and Relationships Concept

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For those unfamiliar, the health, wealth, and relationship concept is a mechanism to divide the important things in your life into these 3 areas.

The overall goal of this concept is to balance these 3 categories, which help you live a more fulfilled life. The problem is that when we go through the emotional turmoil of a breakup, things spin out of balance.

When you go through a breakup, the relationship aspect of your life becomes unbalanced, and you focus all your effort on fixing the relationship aspect.

This takes the effort away from the other two aspects, and your health and wealth are neglected. This activates a negative momentum that feeds into your relationship aspect as well in interactions with other friends and family.

So now the breakup has not only left you heartbroken but also made you feel depressed and doubting yourself.

The best technique is to work it backward. Sometimes pain and suffering can act as catalysts to find a defining moment for you.

One of the best ways to overcome the pain and suffering you’re feeling because of this breakup or your ex finding someone better than you is by tackling things outside your relationship. This is a good idea because you are upset at losing control over the relationship aspect, so it should help you exert control over aspects you still have full control over.

Examples include if you feel like you have gotten out of shape, start running again. If you feel like you have slacked at work, then be more in the moment and focus on your job. You will notice that by focusing on your health and/or wealth, the results will eventually positively impact the relationship part of your holy trinity.

This is one of the smartest things to make your ex think that no one is better than you; however, it is not the only thing you need to do.

Another aspect that I see as the extension of the holy trinity of the health, wealth, and relationship categories is your magnum opus.

Think of this as your legacy – something you want to be remembered for.

The more you focus on your magnum opus and get closer to achieving it, the more self-confidence you will have as your ex and his new partner will feel insignificant compared to your life’s purpose.

Embracing Failure

This is a key concept, and it will help you through your entire life if you adopt it. It is a known fact that most people are afraid of failing, but in our opinion, nothing will teach you better than failing because when you embrace a failure and do not enable it to break you, then you are doing something right.

If you embrace failure at work, maybe you will feel bad about it for a moment but do not give up.

During a health-based activity like running, maybe you aimed to run 6 miles, but you could only run 1.5 miles.

If you do not learn to embrace failure, you will feel worse and quit. But if you learn to embrace failure, you will understand that running is a process that takes plenty of failures.

You will not run 6 miles on your first try, but you will eventually get there by trying again and again till you reach a point where your heart is stronger, your stamina is better, and 6 miles doesn’t seem so hard anymore.

This emphasizes what it means to embrace failure and why you should apply it in all aspects of your life.

Do not look at your failures as mess-ups, rather look at them as opportunities to learn something. Learn from your mistakes and learn not to repeat them.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Work Hard When You Do Not Want to Work Hard

The final concept we want you to understand is that you should work hard even when you do not want to work hard.

An example is that you woke up incredibly sore this morning, and your first thought was, ‘I do not want to work.’

However, if you train yourself to understand that your mind wants me to be lazy and quit, you will not give in so easily. Your mind wants you to do fun things instead of working hard.

You will be asked to do things out of your comfort zone at every junction of this program where you try to get your ex back or show them that there is no one better than you.

A good example of this is a no contact rule. For example’s sake, let’s take the 30 day no contact rule. For 30 days, you must not talk to your ex, so there will be many moments where your mind will say things like:

  • What if they find someone better?
  • What if they become really mad at me?
  • What if they forget about me?

These are a few examples that might want you to break your no contact rule and reach out to them based on fear.

This is when you need to overcome these fears and stay true to your original game plan. This is when you must recognize that your mind is trying to fool you and make you live life-based on fear.

Recognizing fear-based doubts is the first step, and the next is working hard despite everything holding you back!

Along with these steps, you should also post updates on social media because this is an indirect non-in-your-face way of showing your ex that this breakup did not break you. You are not going to get beaten by whatever your ex’s definition of winning the relationship is.


Teaching yourself the importance of a balanced trinity of health, wealth, and relationships, training yourself to do hard work, and learning to embrace failure will instill the confidence in you that was missing.

It will be pivotal for talking to your ex again, even if they are with someone new.

Even if your ex has moved on to someone new, the idea of this entire process is that you become so confident that you no longer care about your ex or this new person at all. This is when you implement the ‘being there’ mindset and see its effectiveness.

You can scroll through our website or YouTube channel to learn more about the ‘being there’ method, but it is basically an end-game plan for when your ex has indeed moved on to someone else.

We know this piece was a more complicated one; however, the simple crux is that when you learn to control your mind and master control over it, then not only will these processes be easier, but you will be much more confident in yourself.

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78 thoughts on “What If My Ex Boyfriend Finds Someone Better?”

  1. Z

    February 23, 2021 at 12:22 pm

    We broke up last October and my ex went on to hook up with different girls after a week and 2 months after our break up (December), he found someone that he wanted to be serious with and have been with her since.

    We broke up because he wasn’t loyal in our relationship, downloading dating apps and swiping while we were in the relationship. It broke me a lot and I tried to forgive him ample times, but I eventually lost trust and decided to let go. We were together for 2 years and it hurts that he moved on so quick to another girl.

  2. Emma

    January 28, 2021 at 10:43 pm

    How do you do the “being there” method if he’s moved out of the area (to move in with her… he had no financial way to leave our relationship so he needed someone to take him in) and he’s unfriended you on Facebook? He also stopped reading my Facebook messages before I went NC. I don’t have his new phone number either (I had to cancel his phone line when he left me for her so he had to get a new number).

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 29, 2021 at 1:26 pm

      Hi Emma, so the first thing you need to do is follow a 45 day no contact period – as he has a new phone your only way of having an impact is using social media, even if he has unfriended you make sure that you make your UG posts public and start reaching out after you have completed the 45 days

  3. Lisa

    September 24, 2020 at 1:59 pm

    A long distance relationship during this pandemic was just too hard. We both have kids and can’t move for at least 5 years because of shared custody with our exes. We love each other dearly but know the timing is all off. I’m so scared he’s going to find someone else before the timing is right.

  4. helppppp

    August 30, 2020 at 3:52 pm

    Hey, I had a long distance relationship for a year and my ex broke up w me because his dad fell sick and he has to start financially supporting his family. Between a job and uni he wouldn’t have time for us. We agreed to do three weeks no contact and we talked afterwards and he told me he didn’t want to stay friends. I refused him and gave him a list of pros and cons and I told him we need three more weeks and then we can start the friendship. By the way I’m applying for his university next year, at first it was for him but now I just really like the course and he told me if I went there he’d probably ignore me since it would have been a year since the breakup. We plan on talking in September to finally decide about the friendship and Ive planned every response for every possible situation, including blocking him if he doesn’t want to stay friends. Where do I go from here?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 6, 2020 at 11:34 am

      You cannot force this person to be your friend! If they decide that they cannot be your friend after the relationship you must respect that. Having a tantrum and blocking them because you have not had your own way. Work on yourself during your NC and stick with it for at least 45 days

  5. Please help!!

    July 7, 2020 at 11:29 am

    Our relationship has been all fights and pettyness even when he’s sweet i can over analyze the word and pick up a fight sometimes our fights even last for months..he found this girl and they have a connection..she is so much better he said it himself..she treats him right and she has the qualities i use to have..he said he never felt this stong towards me at ANY part of our it even possible to make his feelings stronger for me while he never even feel this (his feelings for her) intense towards me before..? Also ldr and she’s there physically but because its still quarantine i worry if his feelings would grow stronger once theh meet up..

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 7, 2020 at 9:19 pm

      Hey there, so if he has met someone else, then you need to do a 45 day No Contact, during which time you need to do some work on yourself so that you can understand why it is that your relationship had so many fall outs and pettiness, if you find that you are struggling with something personal, even if its low self esteem then you need to focus on that so that you can be more secure in your next relationship, with him or with other people around you

  6. Sami

    July 3, 2020 at 3:47 am

    Hi my boyfriend of one year wanted to take a months break to let me focus on myself and deal with some personal issues that has affected the relationship negatively. And in general it just hasn’t been fun together lately.

    The breakup itself happened a week ago, when it happened he said he loved me and we even kissed multiple times. We have been on the phone two times and texted since the break as he offered to pay for my therapy. So we’ve be been in contact as he looked up a good therapist for me and also called me to ask how the first session went.

    Although our break is a bit different as we are still on good terms AND he’s paying for my therapy I am very worried he’ll start dating someone during our month apart and decide to make our break a breakup. I know he values me in his life a lot but I’m very worried I’ll be friend zoned by him when we are to meet up in person in 3 weeks to reevaluate our relationship.

    I don’t want to waste energy and worry about this as I actually want to go through positive changes so he actually can see that I’ve done improvements but I can’t get these thoughts out of my head. I’ll be outside and maybe run, and I’ll see two people walking along the beach and instantly think it’s my ex with someone else and the only thing I can obsess over is whether that was my ex or someone random.
    I really want to stop worrying about this all the time!

  7. mimi

    April 27, 2020 at 12:03 pm

    Hi, me and my boyfriend were together for year and some months (we didn’t count it). We broke up in March and we were in contact. Now he is dating some new girl which is absolute opposite of me. Also he tried to find some dirt on her with me when we were in contact. He told me that he know he will be back, but now he don’t want serious relationship. He also said he made mistake when he broke up with me and that I am the best for him, but he is still seeing the other girl right now. His parents really love me and tell me that the other girl can’t and won’t be in his home. They don’t want her around and they think he will be back, when I shut down for a little. After month and half I decided to go to no contact with him. I am now in 4th day of no contact. Do you think this girl is a rebound? What should I do to get him back? Isn’t too late to start no contact after almost two months?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 2, 2020 at 4:20 pm

      Hi Mimi if your ex moved on to the new girl within a month of your break up then there is a chance of this being a rebound. When an ex gets a new relationship we suggest the client follows a 45 day No Contact and then starts following the information about the being there method. This is what I suggest you do but in the mean time you work on becoming Ungettbale

  8. Squib

    March 31, 2020 at 12:54 pm

    Hi. My Fiancé of 7 years broke up with me just over 3 weeks ago because I betrayed his trust and hurt him badly 🙁 Since that time I have been trying hard to fix things and although he forgave me, he totally shut off emotionally towards me and told me he wasn’t in love with me anymore because of it.

    He said he would give it some time and asked for space, so I gave that to him but during that time, he has found himself a new girlfriend. To say I am devastated is an understatement. I feel like our relationship meant nothing to him 🙁 we only got engaged in July. I love this man more than anything and I want so much to have him in my life but I feel like I’ve totally lost him now and it’s all my fault 🙁

    I am considering getting the ex recovery pro but wanted to ask first, in one article it says to still remain in no contact even though he has found someone else but in this one (and the video) it says about the being there method. So I’m a little confused about which method is the right one to use here?

    We have been in contact every day since the break up,even since he got a new girlfriend but we also have 2 children together, so complete no contact is not possible. He says he misses talking normally to me but I told him that I can’t just be his friend and that I won’t contact him again but he knows where I am if he changes his mind. This was 2 days ago now and I haven’t responded to him other than about our children.

    Was this the right thing to do? Or should I still be continuing to talk to him as we had been? I miss him so much, he’s my best friend and the no contact is just awful but the thought of him with someone else is even worse.

    Thank you if you got to the end!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 6, 2020 at 11:39 pm

      Hi Squib, so you need to complete a 45 day limited no contact where you only speak about the children and nothing else for now. Going from there you will need to do the being there method to get your ex to see you are the better option between you and the new girlfriend. If you broke his trust though cheating either emotionally or physically then I suggest that you stay away from other guys while you are trying to get him back.

  9. May

    October 22, 2019 at 7:57 am

    My boyfriend and I had been together for more that a year. Then last month his ex girlfriend for 3 yrs met with him and start communicating with him again after 2 yrs of not talking to him. She actually left my boyfriend for another guy. My boyfriend told me about her and that they’ve been talking again but just friends only. But after a month my boyfriend told me that he is confused and feels like his feelings for hus ex seems coming back. Now he broke up with me and telling me that he no longer see a future with me. He also admits that he sees himself going back to his ex after he moved on from our relationship. This is really painful for me. Do I still have a chance to get back with my exboyfriend?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 22, 2019 at 6:30 pm

      Hi May essentially shes done the being there method to your relationship with your ex and you. So you need to do the same thing after a No Contact and worked on yourself so that you have a better chance of being emotionally controlled during the process

  10. murekatete zawadi

    August 26, 2019 at 3:19 pm

    hello! I have broken up with my boyfriend we have been together for five years but now he told me he found someone better than me who do the things I haven’t done for him, I don’t known what to do anymore because I love him I don’t want to love anyone else. he told me he loves me but he can’t be in a relationship with me

  11. Franchesca

    June 6, 2019 at 4:13 pm

    Hi, so my ex and I dated for 9 months. We met each other at the start of college, so August 2017. He was dating someone else at that time, but broke up with her the first weekend because she had some personal problems. Right after that we became friends because we used to live across the hall from each other. We got closer and I actually considered us to be very close friends even in that short amount of time. Anyways, I always liked him from the start, with him it took some time. After about 3 months into college, he told me he liked me and we began seeing each other exclusively, although we weren´t dating. Then another 3 months of that roled by, it is January 2018, and he finally asked me out. I cannot stress this enough, but to me everything was just perfect up until then, and even during the 8 1/2 months of our relationship. Sure, we had a little tiffs here and there, but I felt truly like myself around him and had this connection with him that I´ve never had before or even after (although maybe its because Im not over him) with anyone else. I will briefly mention though, the only issue which has been an underlying issue then and even now is that he didnt see a future with me. Granted after my sophomore year, I was transferring to a different campus an hour and half away from the current one. But should put that in here. Anyways our sophmore year of school starts, we had thebest summer together and who would´ve thought things would head south from there? Well, not long after the year started,his lack of communication, lack of interest towards me, and just blaming me for being emotional and indirectly saying that I was clingy…when all I was trying to do is get clarity from him. Because he pushes himself away on one hand, and when I give him space (from my end I think that I am at least), he always had some sort of way of coming back. Anyways the day before we broke up, he essentially told me he had a thing for another girl in one of his classes. I spent the night that night, and didn´t know how to react. I was truly hurt, and at that point we weren´t getting along for weeks.. and I just didn´t understand what the hell went wrong. But anyways, the next day I went home and I literally felt so sunken, and come back to his place and basically gave him an ultimatum and decide to breakup from there. I asked him to give me one reason why I should stay with him…and he couldnt even give me a reason, and told me we should break up. Like he didn´t even try!! At that point, my insticts just told me to fight for it, because ngl wasn´t expecting that from him…but anyways we ended our relationship but decided to keep a friends with benefits relationship…biggest mistake. So Im going to try to speed it up now.. So he then tries to pursue that girl he was interested in, but ended up finding out a couple weeks later that she had a man…not long after that he tells me at a party that we´re both drunk at, that there was no one else like me and how much he oved me. I thought wow, he came to his senses…but I was stupid to realize that I was prob his backup choice and he knew id come back..and I did. We continue ur FWB (although its a relationship without a label) and it goes well until around December 2018. Basically I blacked out at a party and sleep with this guy who apparently liked me…and I actually ended up liking him a little a couple months later..but at that time I didnt. I didnt even remember sleeping with him. But I told my ex about it, and he ended things with me, and told me it was time to move on. And I accepted it tbh, and always hoped that even if we arent meant to be together, hopefully we can go back to being friends someday. But anyways, later that week he stops by house unannounced and gives me an expensive christmas gift with a letter (granted i also got him one but only spent $25..and we were seeing each other at that time). We resume our intimate relationship once again…and now we´re at Feb 2019. Worst month, but also the best. We were drunk, yet again and spent the night at my place. He professed how much he loved me, how special I was. How beautiful I am, No one else like me. He wanted to have my kids as they would be beautiful… how much of awe I am. You get the jist. I felt loved, like I meant something and I felt even stronger towards him. Not even 24 hrs later, he told me he went on a date with this girl from work. He told me not long before that he thought she was cute and had a small thing for her..but I didn´t think much of it because he made it seem like no big deal, like a passing thing. Besides, I´ve been in his shoes before so it wouldve been hypocritical for me to get mad…I get it were human, and attractions do happen. But anyways, he took her to the movies…and when he came back we talked and he told me how they were similar,and had similar backrounds and how she was essentially perfect for on. WHAT THE FUCK at this point. Anyways, I will say at fist, deffinetely didnt handle it well, prolly came off too clingy… but that whole month, I was working on bettering myself and exploring my own options for myself at well. So we didnt really talk for a month, and I assumed he was with her. But he messages me and told me he missed me, and at that time I was actually getting over him but I didn´t know exactly how I felt. We decided to meet up and from my end it was platonically, but idk, he had something else in mind I guess. I felt truly fine, and accepted he wanted to be with her and was just trying to catch up like old times. Long story short, he grabs me in the car and kisses me before dropping me off…and all the feelings came right back. We had the best sex that day, it felt truly real again. And he leaves the other girl,and decides to remain friends with her… although I should add, shes very religious and doesnt believe in sex before marriage. RED FLAG, and I confronted him about it, but he assured me that wasn´t th case at all and that he truly felt connected to me emotionally and he didnt with her. I believed him because it wasnt that he only said such things when we were intimate, like he´d say things like that in general. But I was a dumbass. He still hung out with her and it made me uncomfortable but I couldnt say much because its not like we were actually dating… but theyd still hang out after work and talk alone in a car for hours… it was weird for me. But he denied for the longest time that there was anything beyond friendship. I dont think they did anything, but to say you have no feelings but hang out for 2 plus hours at night alone in a car with a girl you kinda had history with. At this point Im going through a lot.. personal issues, family issues, health problems..and I was and am (although its better) depressed. Anyways, school was ending at this point, and we hung out the day before he went home and he cried in my arms and told me how much he loved me, how much he was going to miss me…how much he cherished our memories. Fuck him for doing that tbh. We continue talking for a few weeks after school ended and it was kinda flirty and he still told me romantic things kinda, as mentioned above, but then he all of a sudden starts avoiding conversation with me. I know its bad to admit, but like Id see him on snap maps, or online on fb, and hes always online but wouldnt open my message for hours. I confronted him, because we decided to remain friends…and he wasnt treating me like one either. I cnfronted him, he got angry… and told me I was always up his ass. And I backed off at first. He continued avoiding me. Then about a week or 2 later I was stalking him, and found activity with him and this other girl. I lost my shit, I sent him a long ass message about what an actual dick he is, and blocked him for a day at first, we talked and ended on good terms…but I still didnt contact him for about week after Then on Saturday he adds me back on snap, and asks me how I was doing as I am in a foreign country. I answer, but he cuts it short. Which was weird. Then my dumbass ofc, looks on snap maps after a week of not seeing his activity…idk why I felt tempted, and he was at this girls house. I remember because the first time he did it and told me he was there in feb, i looked at that location…and I have a good memory of locations (so not just with him). I literally talked to his mother because I felt so fucking stressed and it was so toxic at this point. i made it clear how I felt and i just felt played and used. I message him another message of anger and I was drunk and I was so so so angry. The jist was how shitty he was. And the next day I did reach out and said I just wanted to talk. Because more than anything there was no clarity, and for me whatever happened, at least id get closure. We talked. He told me that girl was perfect for him, how he abused me emotionally (glad he at least knows it)… but the shittiest part was him telling me that he never really loved me and used me for sex. There were a lot of things said, but that was the just. I have to admit though, maybe it was because I was so sad, and I just missed how we used to be…deffinetely acted really clingy. And I know it pushed him away. dont blame him for that part. He told me we could never be friends because he will always want to be intimate, but still wants to date this perfect girl i guess. I told him I get that now wasnt the time, but maybe in the future, because we just used to be such good friends! Anyways, he told me to get over him and move on..and that he was going to block me. I was petty and just blocked him first. I havent talked to him since, its only been a few days. Anyways, I know this was really long and super detailed…and excuse my grammar. But anyways, I dont even know I feel. A part of me feels relief. A part of me feels deep anger. And part of me just wants to know what went wrong. And ofc theres a part of me that still loves him deeply, and wishes it could work someday although reality is telling me otherwise. Im trying to focus on myself, my career, and my friends and family as of now. But it just sucks. More than anything why did I truly mean nothing to him? Was I that bad of a person to deserve that? And I feel disgusted in myself for being his option and being easy with him. Anyways, I just want to know from a guys perspective…what the hell is this. I dont trust his words because it made no sense to me tbh…but maybe from a third person? Anyways, I hope you can advise me and my appologies for this lengthy mispelled message.

  12. Ruby

    May 21, 2019 at 8:31 am


    I was in a messed up ‘almost relationship’ not a relationship with someone. We met on Bumble and hit it off great. He came off very strong and was very keen on seeing me. However, I started to notice that sometimes he would just not be there for me. It felt like he would choose to do other things (ie. spend time with friends and family) rather than seeing – which is fine but he never told me either. So I started to not take him seriously and started seeing other people as well. He also worked so much as well that he could never make time for me. Literally I would have to beg him. I got tired so I started seeing other people and that startled and annoyed him. Even though we never DTR (I tried or atleast get a sense of what he wanted) I never got that from him. He would ask if I was seeing other people and express jealousy. It was always confusing and up in the air. I just assumed he was slacking like most guys do and someday he will randomly call me his gf. I went away across the world for 2 months and he missed me and kept talking to me. I missed him as well and had developed feelings. I told him I wouldnt see other people and didnt care to. I knew when I got back if I dont have a talk with him, I want out! like for fuck’s sake, we have been going back and forth for over a year. He says he doesnt want a relationship and that I can do whatever I want. But also he gets jealous when I am hanging out with my male friends. I called quits. No contact. but he keeps coming back saying he hates that I am mad at him and that he still wants to keep seeing me – but not in a relationship (a bit less than a relationship, a bit more than sex)! I am not okay with that so I cut him off.

    I havent responded. I havent talked to him but still a thought lingers in my mind. What if I was just never good enough for him? What if I run into him again and he is with someone better and he put in the relationship effort that I wanted from him? How do I move on from all these thoughts?

  13. Nicole

    October 30, 2018 at 8:34 pm

    Hi there, so I’ve been seeing my ex on and off for almost two years, we are long distance ( in the same country, just on opposite sides) it was smooth sailing until my insecurities just began to rear it’s head. I really tried to stop it but I feel I brought out the worst in him. We kept getting back together and saying we would try and breaking up. So much so that this cycle made him end things saying “I’ve lost him forever ” I’m 21 and he’s 28, I’ve always felt that I’m mature and i can handle tbings but with him he’s like my kryptonite. I love him. I truly do and I’ve messed up mostly in all this because of my insecurities and he’s given me chances but I keep messing up. I feel hopeless bevause be essentially said goodbye to me but I know I can be a better partner to him but he says his patience has run out. Can i get him back? Do I even have a slight chance? Please help me

    1. Chris Seiter

      October 31, 2018 at 12:01 am

      Hi Nicole!

      So sometimes a break is good for everyone. You certainly have a chance. Best to have a sensible ex recovery plan. Check out my books, posts, guides, videos…lots of help on my site!

  14. Francesca Plantz

    September 1, 2018 at 8:58 pm

    I would like to share my story.

    I have been on and off with the same person for 5 years. We love each other very much, but it seems like we have fallen into a cycle that seems to repeat itself every time we get back together. A lot of it surrounds me becoming angry at him for not doing certain adult-life things, such as taking care of his apartment or having to remind him to pay a bill on time. We both have a very passionate relationship and love each other very much. But what basically happens, is that I push him to do better, he gets pissed off because he feels overwhelmed, and then we fight because we both are just angry and irritated at each other, me hoping that he will get it together. At the end of the day, we always told each other we love each other and we were able to move on from the fight. But, for the second time, he has broken up with me, realizing that he needs to become more of an adult and do things on his own without depending on me to make decisions for him. We have agreed to take 6 weeks away from each other so that we can try and break old habits and maybe begin hanging out again. But what confuses me the most is that he does not know what he wants-he said he is leaving the door open for a future with each other, but he said that part of him would like to move on, yet still telling me that he cares about me and loves me so much. He is 22 years old, I am 21, and am trying to chalk this up to immaturity on his part. Do you have any idea on how I should handle this situation?

    I know I would like to work on myself during these 6 weeks, and vice versa. But does this seem like something that should be worth my time? Your help would be much appreciated!

    1. Chris Seiter

      September 2, 2018 at 3:51 am

      Hi Francesca…so 5 years is a meaningful amount of time to be together and that usually bodes well in helping with breakup issues. Though I agree, you guys are stuck in an unhealthy cycle. It does sound like immaturity on his end. Just work toward your plan of no contact and working on your own recovery. He has an opportunity during this time to take on some lessons learned. You should go pick up my eBook, EBR Pro, as it will help you throughout this process!

  15. Sia

    August 18, 2018 at 4:04 am

    My ex says he does not want me. He gave me many excuses that he doesnt like me, family issues and its not you its me. But he is telling my friends he was never happy in our long term relationship. He blames me for everything.I pleaded him for months, he didnt even have time to meet me. He shows he doesnt care. I see him hanging out with girls, cozy pictures. He is telling everyone he will find someone better and he will never return. He seems unbothered. Hardly contacted me, its a month of nc. He has hurt me beyond everything. Pls help?

    1. Chris Seiter

      August 19, 2018 at 12:36 am

      Hi Sia!

      Your ex seems preoccupied with blaming you for everything and not taking any personal responsibility for things he could have done differently. He is being very mean to you for reasons that are not clear to me. Maybe he is just this way. Maybe he has anger holed up inside him. Maybe he is immature. You should employ no contact and keep the focus on your recovery and have an ex recovery program you can follow. Go check out my programs on my site’s home page!

  16. Celeste

    March 20, 2018 at 5:07 am

    Hi there! Here is my situation…I’m 27 and he’s 23…my ex and I dated for 3 years, lived together, he bought an engagement ring, and we were planning a wedding. However, we got into a huge fight and he ended things July of 2017. Our relationship was quite toxic, but it also had its AMAZING moments. The love and passion between us was very real. After our breakup, we kept in contact to discuss the real reasoning behind our split, and after I did a 34 day no contact rule, we have remained friends ever since, and now have a daughter on the way as I’m 16 weeks pregnant. He tells me he’s not ready for a relationship at all, doesn’t want to get back together just for the baby, he feels like he’s missing out on other women and experiences (I took his virginity and was his first real girlfriend), and before he settles down, he wants to make sure he can provide for, prioritize, and not be selfish with the woman he chooses to be with, as these were issues in our relationship. He said he still loves me, has feelings for me, wants me in his life and will always be around for me and our daughter. When we’re together he holds me, holds my hand, kisses my forehead, finds me sexually attractive, he’s affectionate and we’re always laughing. He says I’m his best friend. Even with all of this, he doesn’t want to be forced into a relationship so my question is how long do I wait? I’m madly in love with him, and I want to spend eternity together. He’s my soulmate. How can I make sure he chooses me in the end? How do I deal with him sleeping around while I take care of our child and ultimately wait for him to come back to me without making him feel forced into it? How do I convince him we’re meant to be?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 25, 2018 at 4:42 pm

      Hi Celeste,

      You don’t convince him.. You became friends with benefits.. He got what he wanted without the commitment, so why would he right? I’m not saying it’s all your fault but don’t do that again. For me, you should move on. It was a toxic relationship and now it’s not healthy for you to keep chasing him.. If you want to be open for him being a father of course that’s ok but other than that, move on..

  17. Lyann

    January 20, 2018 at 1:15 am

    Hi Ms.Amor,
    So this is how my story goes, my ex boyfriend and I have been together for almost 6years. We’ve been together since highschool. We have the same birthday. He’s my soulmate! We’re now both on 4th year college and both 20 yrs old. Our relationship had a bitter-sweet start. We were both so young and hasty when we started our relationship. I’m his first girlfriend, and he’s my first boyfriend as well. He’s my first love. My everything. We even already have plans for our future together. Eventually we both had millestones in our separate lives, he was busy with studies and his hobbies, while i was busy with my businesses and school.

    I thought it was all going well, when that night of Dec.5,2017, we argued due to his jealousy about me going home late at night due to my business. And that my guy friends would drive me home to ensure my safety. He was always jealous about every guy friend i have. And i always remind him that it’s not like i’m going to replace him, i mean duh?! He’s the love of my life. He thinks i cheated on him, even when i really didn’t. So during that night, we argued, and he suggested that we took a break from our relationship, at first he suggested a cool off, and i agreed coz during that time we were both emotional(or maybe i was just the only one being emotional) he told me he just wants to find himself, be more closer to God, lessen his sexual desires for me, he wants to lessen his jealous attitude. He also suggested that we both should date other people, in order to discover how it feels like with other people, but he promised me that he will come back to me. He just wants to figure himself out. I believed him. He also told me he’s already started txting a girl(he mentioned the name)but just for his COMPANION and someone he can talk to. We both agreed that we would still contact each other, but just not sweet anymore. But during that period of Dec.15-18 , i contacted him but he doesn’t reply. I thought of really giving him the space he wanted but why won’t he just reply me? So i began going insane, trying to figure out what is happening. I started chatting him non-stop, and then he replied to me, told me i was selfish, that why couldn’t i just respect his decision, so he said that becoz of my selfishness he came up with a decision to just really BREAK UP WITH ME, he said he doesn’t wan’t me anymore, he doesn’t want to be in a relationship anymore, that he just only want to be friends. He deactivated his facebook acct. and already told his family and friends that we’re over.

    And Just this january 2 i found out that he created a new fb acct. and the girl he was txting with, they both had the same profile picture, so what does that mean? And he’s already with her everyday at their school. He’s even posting pictures of her on instagram labeling her as her “crush”. Are they only trying to take revenge on me? Trying to make me feel jealous? I don’t want him to be with that girl, maybe he’ll fall for her and getting me out of his life completely.

    But i don’t want to be friends. I still love him but i’m a bit confused with my decision. Half of me wants him back in my life while the other half of me already wants to move on. But i don’t really want him gone coz he was the first one i slept with, the first man i gave my virginity to( in our culture, virginity is important) coz i love him, and i thought he would never leave me coz he treasures that he was the 1st one who got my virginity. What should i do?

    Btw i’ve been doing no contact since Dec.21, but he arranged to talk with me personally using my best friend (which i really didn’t have any idea we would talk that evening) last January 8, and i think that was already our closure. But i’m still considering taking him back to give it one last try. What should i do? It would already be a total of 48 days of no contact from Dec21 if my 30days no contact from Jan.8 will end at Feb.7?

    I’ve been improving myself a lot, i’ve been reading a lot now(unlike before that i really didn’t like reading), i even lost too much weight. I’ve been distracting myself in a good way but he still pops into my mind. Then i go back to being depressed. I’m doing the best i can but he just keeps on popping up in my mind. Coz i only remeber the good times i had with him

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 21, 2018 at 4:59 am

      Hi Lyann,

      You cant control other people’s decision.. And getting him back just because you lost virginity to him is not a valid reason to get back together.. And frankly, if it was that important, then you shouldn’t have given it before marriage but even married couples sometimes don’t work, all the more the virginity shouldn’t be your reason..

      And if you really are important to him, he wouldn’t be breaking up with you and then date other girls.. He’s stringing you, you should move on..

  18. Kelly

    January 5, 2018 at 3:18 am

    Not sure what happened to my comment but I’ll try again.
    Dated for 8+ months I decided that I had to leave the relationship because I had a lot of work to do emotionally (going to therapy) so I told him I needed space to work on improving myself and my life. I went 30+ days no contact (probably around 50 days). During the 50 days he texted me at least 10+ times, whether it was saying he missed me, begging for me back, asking to hangout, it stopped for around 20 days, and then I saw he got a girlfriend after about 45 days. He was still texting me after I saw he had a girlfriend, so I didn’t even have to initiate the first text. We began hanging out, catching up as friends then he kissed me and I caught feelings again and realized I want him back. But, we did sleep together and I don’t feel great that it happened while he was with another person. I acted out of emotions and told him we should no longer hang out since it isn’t fair to his girlfriend since we hooked up. Now I feel like I reacted too fast and am not sure if I should text him and say we could try being friends again, or if I should do another few days of no contact. Not sure where to go from here since I did mess up a bit.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 5, 2018 at 9:50 pm

      Hi Kelly,

      You did the right thing because you’re showing him that you have standards and you respect his gf enough to stop what you were doing.. yes, restart nc and do 21-30 days..

  19. Nicky

    December 6, 2017 at 6:58 pm

    My position is a 20+ year marriage and 25 years together. Hubby has cheated with a workmate in the past but I had forgiven and we had moved on and I believed we were stronger than ever. But he drops a bombshell 6 months ago that he wants’ space’. He was becoming angry over the smallest details. He moved out 4 months ago, and said he didn’t know how long his break would be – 3, 6 or 12 months. ( and this was the same story he told a handful of friends and family). Right before the 3 month period he reignited his fling and said he was only EVER giving three months to sort himself out. He had the opportunity, after all, he was now living alone after leaving his wife and 3 kids behind. I am 3 weeks into NC (it took a while to get to this, after all, 25 years together is HUGE) and with his birthday, Christmas and our wedding anniversary all to hit in the next 6 weeks, I am wondering if I should just continue with NC longer. I love this guy more than anything, he is making ridiculous decisions and as a result has lost the respect of his darling children who no longer want anything to do with him, but I am willing to stick it out as he has done a 360 turn on the man I married and spent more than half my life with. One ‘reason’ he has given for the split is he thought we were at a stage where our kids (aged 20-24) would be off our hands (they study so live at home, but are certainly not dependent on us) but ironically this new woman has 2 kids UNDER 10!!! And before you say anything, yes, I am working on ME in the meantime

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 11, 2017 at 4:36 am

      Hi Nicky,

      Yes, you could extend nc if you want to

  20. Wendy

    December 5, 2017 at 8:03 pm

    We have been dating for one year. But we are LDRS. After one year, he starts to change. We fought for not giving his personal time. Then, he broke up wif me cuz of tht. He also told me tht he found new one who is better than me. Even though I beg him, he broke up wif me. But we still contacting each other. He calls me, texts me. When he’s in good mood he told me tht, the fact he found new one is just the reason to break up wif me. He said it is not true. But later, I heard tht he really found new one who is attending same college with him. He confessed her just after the day we broke up. And tht girl told him to wait until they attend University. As soon as I knew this I told him not to contact me anymore. I also heard he told his friends tht he found new crush and he loves her a lot.
    But we are still friends on Facebook. He checked my my story posts. But he never contact me again. When I send msg or call him, he lied me tht he’s with tht girl and talks like me I’m stranger. Now I’m in N.C. period.
    Is he really move on?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 5, 2017 at 9:08 pm

      Hi Wendy,

      if he has,what’s your plan?

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