By EBR Team Member: Ashley

It never fails. You get to our site. You hear us say that their is this wonderful program that works wonders for getting your ex back. You read about no contact and all of the Ex Boyfriend Recovery (we lovingly call it EBR for short) tactics we use to accomplish it. And almost every single person goes,

“But, what if my ex boyfriend finds someone better?”

“What if he moves on and I lose him forever?”

“What if he finds someone new while I’m in No Contact of before I finish No Contact?”

and then there are those of you who’s exes have already jumped into a relationship and is already dating someone new. Our ladies find themselves going,

“My ex already has a new girlfriend and she is prettier/more fun/more successful than me!”

“If he’s already with another woman, what can I do?”

“He already found someone better. Does that mean he is going to forget about me?”

Chances are that one of these thoughts has already crossed your mind. For most of our visitors those driving forces are what brings them to our site in the first place.

And, boy, do I have some good news for you…

We can help!

I know… I know… it seems too good to be true.

And if you think we are going to POOF away your problems then YES it IS too good to be true.

The EBR Process takes three things:

  • A certain mindset
  • A TRUE commitment to following the steps outlines
  • The ability to be honest with yourself and the professionals in the group that are working with you. (If you choose to interact with us, which… I hope you do.)

That being said… I’m going to get things started by getting off topic. I know… if you’ve been here before you are probably like…

And yeah, I know… but if you stick around, hopefully you do, you’ll come to realize that both me and Chris tend to get off on tangents every now and again, and I tend to make some pretty strange analogies… but there is always a point. And if I do say so myself, we are pretty good at our jobs.

So, that being said, I am going to ask you a strange question.

Ready?

How good is your peripheral vision?

Most people think theirs is WAY better than it is. Hence why so many people text and drive thinking that it doesn’t effect their driving that much. But that’s not the tangent I’m going to get on.

I want to do a test with you right now. It’s simple. Just cover your left eye. Then, with your right hand, hold a pen out in front of you. Choose a focal point past your finger and do not move your focus from it. Now, move the pen slowly towards the side, like this:

Do the same on your right side. At what point does the pen become blurry each time?

You’ll notice that there that at a point where the pen becomes blurry and then hard to see at all while still focusing on the object out in front.

Look below.

The pink diamond represents the object that you are focused on (your ex) and the dots follow the path of the pen (different aspects of your life). The brighter dots closer to the focal point are clearer and easier to see while the grayer dots aren’t clear at all or are completely out of focus.

You are probably wondering how this ties into your ex possibly finding a girlfriend 2.0.

Well, I’ll get to that in a minute.

Sufficed to say, it will make complete sense by the time we make it to the end of this article. I promise.

But, in order to get there we need to look at a few other things.

Right now you are in a place where you may not understand why you and your ex didn’t work. And you find yourself questioning anything and everything about your interactions with your ex… or the lack thereof.

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Understanding Your Breakup: Are You Stuck?

Yes. Yes. I know that you probably are going, I know more about my breakup than you do, Ashley.

I don’t disagree.

But, we here at EBR have the advantage of having an outside perspective, uninhibited by the overwhelming surge of emotions that comes with a breakup.

Oh, and the fact that we’ve seen almost EVERY breakup scenario you could possibly throw at us. (although if you don’t seem to find your situation covered in the book or one of our articles PLEASE let us know in the comments section that appears at the bottom of the page after any of the articles so we can be of more use to our readers. Not to mention our team is very active on the site and within our Facebook Page. So, you’re likely to get a response fairly quickly.)

Well, you may know more about your situation and you may know more about your ex than I do. But, I can undoubtedly say that there are a few solid facts that surround every breakup that has ever happened from the beginning of time to the end of it.

  1. One of you, if not both of you was unhappy.
  2. One of you, if not both of you realized that you couldn’t see a future with the other.
  3. You are both human, meaning you might not handle every situation perfectly.

Let’s talk about these for a second before we move on.

Our visitors usually come to us with a TON of questions regarding these facts, such as:

  1. If he was unhappy, then what made him unhappy? A lot of the time, when a breakup occurs we are left questioning if the reasons given are the real reasons behind the breakup. So, you’re left questioning it.
  2. One of the most prevalent reasons for a breakup that usually goes unexplained is the fact that each of us has an idea in our head of the future we want and the significant other that we see in it. Sometimes we look at the person we are dating and they just aren’t that or they aren’t helping get to that. Think about it though. Half the time we just know these things and we don’t really know the exact reason that is. After coming to that decision, it is hard to change their mind. We’ll talk about tactics that will help in a bit.
  3. Communication is one of the things that people fail at in general. We are constantly second guessing what people mean and what they REALLY want. Tell me there isn’t something your ex said that isn’t driving you bananas because you keep trying to decipher it. I bet you can’t. Most people find themselves going over old conversations again and again like Tom Hanks in Da Vinci Code.

And then there is always the question that led you to this article. If I wasn’t the person that my ex wants to build a future with right now… I say “right now”, because an integral part of the EBR Program is becoming a better version of yourself by becoming Ungettable… then what happens if he meets someone else, someone better?

I don’t know if you are new to the EBR site or if you’ve already made it through, but I am going to tell you something that might be hard to hear. In fact, you might as well get used to it if you want to be successful at getting your ex back. The entire process is full of doing things you don’t really want to do or when you don’t really want to do them.

So, here’s the thing you don’t really want to hear…

You’ve ALREADY done something that could undermine this process.

Every single person does it though, so I wouldn’t be too hard on yourself about it.

Focusing on these tiny questions can derail you from actually achieving your goals.

Yeah I know.

Most of the time I talk about figuring out what it is that caused your relationship to fall apart and using that information to inform your decisions going forward.

But, the thing is, if those answers don’t come easily, a lot of our ladies get stuck in a frantic cycle of trying to get answers. And THAT keeps them from moving forward. Sometimes it even causes them to break No Contact to try and get an answer from their ex and that lessens their chances of getting their ex back at all.

You see the dilemma?

So, if you don’t know for certain what it is that caused your breakup or you are still hung up on some one-liner your ex threw out there that just really didn’t make sense, I’m going to take this moment to stop you in your tracks.

Some of you are doing that thing where you haven’t really processed the past few paragraphs. You’re still dwelling on some question I mentioned earlier that you hadn’t thought of and now it’s just driving you bananas.

If you are doing this, now is the time to quit it.

Seriously.

Go back, read the last couple of paragraphs and then let me tell you one of the most important things you need to hear right now.

Understanding your situation isn’t the same as being ruled by it.

Read it again.

Write it down.

Put it where you can see it throughout the day, especially at the moments that you’re mind tends to wander. (I usually pu stuff like this inside the visor of my car so I can pull it down and see it while I’m driving… when I think about all sorts of things.)

If you have been sitting there over-analyzing since your breakup, now is the time to change the course you are on. Because, it will undermine any progress you make in the EBR Program.

Correcting Your Course When You’re Stuck

Whether today is your first time hearing about Ex Boyfriend Recovery, or you’ve already started the Program, if you have been stuck in this pattern it is time to break it.

I was literally JUST talking to one of the girls about this tonight. In the book Chris talks about how long it talks to break a habit. On average it takes about 66 days. Minimum it takes at least 21. If you are spending a majority of your day wondering about your ex, you aren’t focused on the other areas of your life.

Let me show you something using that peripheral test we were talking about.

Consider each of the dots in the diagram to be the different areas of your life that need to improve in order to your life to be in order and you to be Ungettable (UG for short). Okay?

And consider the pink diamond out in front to be your ex and his actions.

During your relationship, you tied certain areas of your life to your ex and his opinion. Like if you had a routine or hobby that you did together they would represented by the more pink dots that are closer to the focal point, “your ex”.

Lets map them out like this for this example.

Your life is made up of many different aspects. I summed them up to hobbies, career, education, and connections with friends and family. These highlighted ones are the ones that your ex had a hand in or you felt were connected to him somehow.

So, let’s say after your breakup you get hung up on focusing on and over-analyzing your ex, but you are trying to follow the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Programs and make you and your life as appealing and Ungettable as you can. But, you keep getting stuck on that one thing he said or did and end up asking things like the subject of this article:

What if he moves on?

What if he doesn’t come back?

What if…

What if…

What if…

How successful do you think you are going to be when you are still focused on your ex and what he is or could be doing?

You would only be able to give half-attention to the areas that allow you to keep obsessing about your ex, right?

But… let’s say you took away the constant focus on your ex.

Suddenly you would be able to turn your concentration to ALL aspects of your life. So, when he does get curious and snoop on your Facebook or reply to that first text after No Contact he sees something that looks more like this:

If you were him, which on would stir your curiosity more?

If you said the bright, full, and diversely colorful life then you would be right.

If you

So, now that I’ve harped on this for a little bit, let’s talk about the reason you chose to read this article, because we all know that you are still wondering what to do if your ex finds someone new while you are busy doing No Contact.

(You can admit it. It takes some good habit building to get past letting those thoughts control you.)

So without further ado…

What to Do If Your Ex DOES Find Someone”Better”

Well, first, notice that I put quotes around better. Why?

Because, better is subjective. Someone is only better because of who is doing the comparing and what it is being compared to.

Right now you are a heart-broken girl who is hyper focused on getting her ex back. To be honest, that is not going to be the most attractive thing to your ex.

However, someone else is going to be new and exciting temporarily. Then, assuming she isn’t running at 100% all the time, her faults will become visible and she’ll be just Someone Else.

So, try not to think of her as “better.”

She’s just a person.

If you focused on your life and becoming Ungettable, you could easily be Even Better than her.

Understand?

Just, don’t get hung up on the better part.

Now, here’s the deal with him finding someone else. If he does… you just progress through the Program as it’s laid out.

I know. Big shocker right?

Here’s the thing. Taking on the task of getting your ex back with Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro takes commitment. (Remember I said that earlier when I was listing the three things you’ll need to take this program on?)

It’s not an easy process. You are going to CONSTANTLY want to find ways to make it easier. You’ll even try and convince yourself that you, the person who was so overwhelmed by the thought of your ex finding someone better… that you typed it into Google and found your way here, know more than an entire team of people who have helped more people than you can even count get there ex back.

Your ex may very well find himself dating other people.

Go ahead, take a moment. I know that thought hurts. If it happens it will suck a lot more.

{webinarcallout]

But, have you ever heard the saying “worry accomplishes nothing”?

Well. it couldn’t be more true.

Our brains are only wired to muster so much energy. If you spend all of it on worry, you won’t have the energy to muster up the will-power to stay in No Contact.

Chris actually did a podcast on tactics you can use to get an ex back who is seeing someone else IF it happens. And knowing that it is possible isn’t a bad thing. Just don’t spend a ton of time on it. It will drain you of that energy.

If you’d like to listen to the podcast, you can find it here. It has more detailed actions you can take. It is just really important that you go into the program with the right mindset.

I’m gonna set you up with access to all of the stuff you need to get your ex back.

Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro

Podcast #010: What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Gets A New Girlfriend

How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If He Has A Girlfriend -Version 2.0-

What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Moves On To A New Girl (Video)

or you could just watch this video that Chris made

Alright, So… What Have We Learned?

We’ve learned that

  1. When it comes to getting your ex back, you are most likely to be your own best enemy.
  2. That, in order to be successful, you have to shift your focus from over-analyzing your ex to more productive things that will essentially make your life better in the long run.
  3. That even if your ex does date someone else, you still have a chance of making it through EBR Pro and being successful. It’s all about will-power.

Do you think you have what it takes?

I do!

Alright so, you have plenty of things to do; articles to read, videos to watch, podcasts to listen to.

But, I’ll tell you what.

I’ll go one step further.

In the comment section below, let’s have a conversation about your situation. Our team is ready and willing to hear what you have to say and get you on your way to getting him back.

Here’s what I want to know.

  1. Are you considering EBR? Halfway through EBR? Have you finished it?
  2. Where is your focus? Is it on your ex? what areas of your life could you give more love?
  3. And last of all, tell me about your breakup. I know you’re dying to. Go ahead.

Let’s do it!

58 thoughts on “What If My Ex Boyfriend Finds Someone Better?”

  1. Francesca Plantz

    September 1, 2018 at 8:58 pm

    Hello!
    I would like to share my story.

    I have been on and off with the same person for 5 years. We love each other very much, but it seems like we have fallen into a cycle that seems to repeat itself every time we get back together. A lot of it surrounds me becoming angry at him for not doing certain adult-life things, such as taking care of his apartment or having to remind him to pay a bill on time. We both have a very passionate relationship and love each other very much. But what basically happens, is that I push him to do better, he gets pissed off because he feels overwhelmed, and then we fight because we both are just angry and irritated at each other, me hoping that he will get it together. At the end of the day, we always told each other we love each other and we were able to move on from the fight. But, for the second time, he has broken up with me, realizing that he needs to become more of an adult and do things on his own without depending on me to make decisions for him. We have agreed to take 6 weeks away from each other so that we can try and break old habits and maybe begin hanging out again. But what confuses me the most is that he does not know what he wants-he said he is leaving the door open for a future with each other, but he said that part of him would like to move on, yet still telling me that he cares about me and loves me so much. He is 22 years old, I am 21, and am trying to chalk this up to immaturity on his part. Do you have any idea on how I should handle this situation?

    I know I would like to work on myself during these 6 weeks, and vice versa. But does this seem like something that should be worth my time? Your help would be much appreciated!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 2, 2018 at 3:51 am

      Hi Francesca…so 5 years is a meaningful amount of time to be together and that usually bodes well in helping with breakup issues. Though I agree, you guys are stuck in an unhealthy cycle. It does sound like immaturity on his end. Just work toward your plan of no contact and working on your own recovery. He has an opportunity during this time to take on some lessons learned. You should go pick up my eBook, EBR Pro, as it will help you throughout this process!

  2. Sia

    August 18, 2018 at 4:04 am

    My ex says he does not want me. He gave me many excuses that he doesnt like me, family issues and its not you its me. But he is telling my friends he was never happy in our long term relationship. He blames me for everything.I pleaded him for months, he didnt even have time to meet me. He shows he doesnt care. I see him hanging out with girls, cozy pictures. He is telling everyone he will find someone better and he will never return. He seems unbothered. Hardly contacted me, its a month of nc. He has hurt me beyond everything. Pls help?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 19, 2018 at 12:36 am

      Hi Sia!

      Your ex seems preoccupied with blaming you for everything and not taking any personal responsibility for things he could have done differently. He is being very mean to you for reasons that are not clear to me. Maybe he is just this way. Maybe he has anger holed up inside him. Maybe he is immature. You should employ no contact and keep the focus on your recovery and have an ex recovery program you can follow. Go check out my programs on my site’s home page!

  3. Celeste

    March 20, 2018 at 5:07 am

    Hi there! Here is my situation…I’m 27 and he’s 23…my ex and I dated for 3 years, lived together, he bought an engagement ring, and we were planning a wedding. However, we got into a huge fight and he ended things July of 2017. Our relationship was quite toxic, but it also had its AMAZING moments. The love and passion between us was very real. After our breakup, we kept in contact to discuss the real reasoning behind our split, and after I did a 34 day no contact rule, we have remained friends ever since, and now have a daughter on the way as I’m 16 weeks pregnant. He tells me he’s not ready for a relationship at all, doesn’t want to get back together just for the baby, he feels like he’s missing out on other women and experiences (I took his virginity and was his first real girlfriend), and before he settles down, he wants to make sure he can provide for, prioritize, and not be selfish with the woman he chooses to be with, as these were issues in our relationship. He said he still loves me, has feelings for me, wants me in his life and will always be around for me and our daughter. When we’re together he holds me, holds my hand, kisses my forehead, finds me sexually attractive, he’s affectionate and we’re always laughing. He says I’m his best friend. Even with all of this, he doesn’t want to be forced into a relationship so my question is how long do I wait? I’m madly in love with him, and I want to spend eternity together. He’s my soulmate. How can I make sure he chooses me in the end? How do I deal with him sleeping around while I take care of our child and ultimately wait for him to come back to me without making him feel forced into it? How do I convince him we’re meant to be?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 25, 2018 at 4:42 pm

      Hi Celeste,

      You don’t convince him.. You became friends with benefits.. He got what he wanted without the commitment, so why would he right? I’m not saying it’s all your fault but don’t do that again. For me, you should move on. It was a toxic relationship and now it’s not healthy for you to keep chasing him.. If you want to be open for him being a father of course that’s ok but other than that, move on..

  4. Lyann

    January 20, 2018 at 1:15 am

    Hi Ms.Amor,
    So this is how my story goes, my ex boyfriend and I have been together for almost 6years. We’ve been together since highschool. We have the same birthday. He’s my soulmate! We’re now both on 4th year college and both 20 yrs old. Our relationship had a bitter-sweet start. We were both so young and hasty when we started our relationship. I’m his first girlfriend, and he’s my first boyfriend as well. He’s my first love. My everything. We even already have plans for our future together. Eventually we both had millestones in our separate lives, he was busy with studies and his hobbies, while i was busy with my businesses and school.

    I thought it was all going well, when that night of Dec.5,2017, we argued due to his jealousy about me going home late at night due to my business. And that my guy friends would drive me home to ensure my safety. He was always jealous about every guy friend i have. And i always remind him that it’s not like i’m going to replace him, i mean duh?! He’s the love of my life. He thinks i cheated on him, even when i really didn’t. So during that night, we argued, and he suggested that we took a break from our relationship, at first he suggested a cool off, and i agreed coz during that time we were both emotional(or maybe i was just the only one being emotional) he told me he just wants to find himself, be more closer to God, lessen his sexual desires for me, he wants to lessen his jealous attitude. He also suggested that we both should date other people, in order to discover how it feels like with other people, but he promised me that he will come back to me. He just wants to figure himself out. I believed him. He also told me he’s already started txting a girl(he mentioned the name)but just for his COMPANION and someone he can talk to. We both agreed that we would still contact each other, but just not sweet anymore. But during that period of Dec.15-18 , i contacted him but he doesn’t reply. I thought of really giving him the space he wanted but why won’t he just reply me? So i began going insane, trying to figure out what is happening. I started chatting him non-stop, and then he replied to me, told me i was selfish, that why couldn’t i just respect his decision, so he said that becoz of my selfishness he came up with a decision to just really BREAK UP WITH ME, he said he doesn’t wan’t me anymore, he doesn’t want to be in a relationship anymore, that he just only want to be friends. He deactivated his facebook acct. and already told his family and friends that we’re over.

    And Just this january 2 i found out that he created a new fb acct. and the girl he was txting with, they both had the same profile picture, so what does that mean? And he’s already with her everyday at their school. He’s even posting pictures of her on instagram labeling her as her “crush”. Are they only trying to take revenge on me? Trying to make me feel jealous? I don’t want him to be with that girl, maybe he’ll fall for her and getting me out of his life completely.

    But i don’t want to be friends. I still love him but i’m a bit confused with my decision. Half of me wants him back in my life while the other half of me already wants to move on. But i don’t really want him gone coz he was the first one i slept with, the first man i gave my virginity to( in our culture, virginity is important) coz i love him, and i thought he would never leave me coz he treasures that he was the 1st one who got my virginity. What should i do?

    Btw i’ve been doing no contact since Dec.21, but he arranged to talk with me personally using my best friend (which i really didn’t have any idea we would talk that evening) last January 8, and i think that was already our closure. But i’m still considering taking him back to give it one last try. What should i do? It would already be a total of 48 days of no contact from Dec21 if my 30days no contact from Jan.8 will end at Feb.7?

    I’ve been improving myself a lot, i’ve been reading a lot now(unlike before that i really didn’t like reading), i even lost too much weight. I’ve been distracting myself in a good way but he still pops into my mind. Then i go back to being depressed. I’m doing the best i can but he just keeps on popping up in my mind. Coz i only remeber the good times i had with him

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 21, 2018 at 4:59 am

      Hi Lyann,

      You cant control other people’s decision.. And getting him back just because you lost virginity to him is not a valid reason to get back together.. And frankly, if it was that important, then you shouldn’t have given it before marriage but even married couples sometimes don’t work out..so, all the more the virginity shouldn’t be your reason..

      And if you really are important to him, he wouldn’t be breaking up with you and then date other girls.. He’s stringing you along..so, you should move on..

  5. Kelly

    January 5, 2018 at 3:18 am

    Not sure what happened to my comment but I’ll try again.
    Dated for 8+ months I decided that I had to leave the relationship because I had a lot of work to do emotionally (going to therapy) so I told him I needed space to work on improving myself and my life. I went 30+ days no contact (probably around 50 days). During the 50 days he texted me at least 10+ times, whether it was saying he missed me, begging for me back, asking to hangout, it stopped for around 20 days, and then I saw he got a girlfriend after about 45 days. He was still texting me after I saw he had a girlfriend, so I didn’t even have to initiate the first text. We began hanging out, catching up as friends then he kissed me and I caught feelings again and realized I want him back. But, we did sleep together and I don’t feel great that it happened while he was with another person. I acted out of emotions and told him we should no longer hang out since it isn’t fair to his girlfriend since we hooked up. Now I feel like I reacted too fast and am not sure if I should text him and say we could try being friends again, or if I should do another few days of no contact. Not sure where to go from here since I did mess up a bit.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 5, 2018 at 9:50 pm

      Hi Kelly,

      You did the right thing because you’re showing him that you have standards and you respect his gf enough to stop what you were doing.. yes, restart nc and do 21-30 days..

  6. Nicky

    December 6, 2017 at 6:58 pm

    My position is a 20+ year marriage and 25 years together. Hubby has cheated with a workmate in the past but I had forgiven and we had moved on and I believed we were stronger than ever. But he drops a bombshell 6 months ago that he wants’ space’. He was becoming angry over the smallest details. He moved out 4 months ago, and said he didn’t know how long his break would be – 3, 6 or 12 months. ( and this was the same story he told a handful of friends and family). Right before the 3 month period he reignited his fling and said he was only EVER giving three months to sort himself out. He had the opportunity, after all, he was now living alone after leaving his wife and 3 kids behind. I am 3 weeks into NC (it took a while to get to this, after all, 25 years together is HUGE) and with his birthday, Christmas and our wedding anniversary all to hit in the next 6 weeks, I am wondering if I should just continue with NC longer. I love this guy more than anything, he is making ridiculous decisions and as a result has lost the respect of his darling children who no longer want anything to do with him, but I am willing to stick it out as he has done a 360 turn on the man I married and spent more than half my life with. One ‘reason’ he has given for the split is he thought we were at a stage where our kids (aged 20-24) would be off our hands (they study so live at home, but are certainly not dependent on us) but ironically this new woman has 2 kids UNDER 10!!! And before you say anything, yes, I am working on ME in the meantime

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 11, 2017 at 4:36 am

      Hi Nicky,

      Yes, you could extend nc if you want to

  7. Wendy

    December 5, 2017 at 8:03 pm

    We have been dating for one year. But we are LDRS. After one year, he starts to change. We fought for not giving his personal time. Then, he broke up wif me cuz of tht. He also told me tht he found new one who is better than me. Even though I beg him, he broke up wif me. But we still contacting each other. He calls me, texts me. When he’s in good mood he told me tht, the fact he found new one is just the reason to break up wif me. He said it is not true. But later, I heard tht he really found new one who is attending same college with him. He confessed her just after the day we broke up. And tht girl told him to wait until they attend University. As soon as I knew this I told him not to contact me anymore. I also heard he told his friends tht he found new crush and he loves her a lot.
    But we are still friends on Facebook. He checked my my story posts. But he never contact me again. When I send msg or call him, he lied me tht he’s with tht girl and talks like me I’m stranger. Now I’m in N.C. period.
    Is he really move on?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 5, 2017 at 9:08 pm

      Hi Wendy,

      if he has,what’s your plan?

  8. Grace

    November 30, 2017 at 7:49 pm

    So its been about 6 days since my boyfriend broke up with me, we’ve been dating for just over a year and it was pretty serious. He told me that he felt like he lost himself in the comfort of our relationship and needed to find himself again and his charm. He later then explained that he just wasn’t as attracted to me as he was in the beginning; that he still loves me but hes not in love with me. So of course, in the beginning i tried to compromise with him and almost beg him to stay and keep trying and that if he needed space or a break that I would give it to him but he insisted in just breaking up because he just didn’t want a relationship with me anymore. So that same night I told him to pick his stuff up from my place and we’ve had minimal contact since. I’ve tried to employ the NC rule but on the 3rd day of the break up I had to get him to FW an email with tickets to me so very nonchalantly and happily I texted him asking him to do so. Then I said thanks and didn’t reply to his “You’re welcome.” He then double messaged me saying that he feels different and is afraid. I asked him why and he said that the phrase “I dont know” keeps crossing his mind about whether he made the best choice or not. Instead of begging for him and trying to convince him that he didn’t, I just said that he’ll figure it out friendly. I said that we should just go our own separate ways and if we both decide that we want to get back together later then we can start a new relationship on a clean slate. He agreed and then I didn’t reply and we had no contact for about 24 hours. He then messaged me on the 5th day of the break up thanking me for still making his mom cookies that she needed me to make for a Christmas party. I didn’t want to ignore it and just very nonchalantly and friendly said that I didn’t think she was going to mention it to him that I was still doing that for her and that it wasn’t a problem at all and how he knows how much I love to bake. He replied with “She thinks that’s very mature of you” and I didn’t reply. Today on the 6th day I was on Tinder just to try and get my mind off of things and I came across his profile, his bio is full of things that I would NEVER imagine he would have said like his first date ideas and quirky things that he would just never say. I’m really confused and angry and I want to message him asking what the hell he’s doing and why he’s trying to already date other women after saying that he didn’t want to be in a relationship and wanted to focus on himself; but I haven’t and wont because i’m staying true to the NC rule right now. But i feel that its not worth it anymore? Has he already moved on? Does he still have feelings for me? I feel like giving up but I really want to have a healthier relationship with him.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 2, 2017 at 5:51 pm

      Hi Grace,

      The nc rule is more for you,.not for him. You have to do it, so you can be more rational and to regain your self esteem back independently..

  9. May

    November 28, 2017 at 6:39 am

    As I have told u that he posted the photo of his new girl (that gal alone not with him, but he put some heart stickers )on messager story only after I added him on msger again. Then, one day later that new gal posted a photo with him having dinner together at a bar on facebook and tagged him, so I saw it at his wall (she tries to make it seems like there were only two of them having dinner, but actually according to the comments below, there were also his friends together with them).
    And okey, he claimed that he’s seeing her even before he break up me but actually it seems like he’s started to dated her only after we break up and I feel like she’s more like a rebound, I dunno why. I also sometimes feel like they do it with only intentionally to hurt me or as a revenge coz before our break up, I was a very jealous annoying type and also a bad mouthed person.
    Now…. about two days ago, my sis and my frd posted a photo of me on their walls saying I’m so unwell and they r anxious for my health with intention that he might see. (But yeah, I also have gastric problem and Addison’s disease, so it was not even a white lie, coz I am also unwell coz of the stresses he gave me). So a day later, he gave me missed call from viber, and that he continously sent me msgs asking that if my meds are finished already and that he’s out of town coz of business trip and then he sent me the photos of his conference. He told me to take care of myself and he was talking about the conference a bit. I was responding calmly and tried to play cool. But I was nervous. Then we ended up the conversation amicably and he said ”if there’s smth, pls let me know”. I said Ok. That’s all. According to that he didn’t ask about my health directly. But he told me to take care and if the meds r finished. And asked me if I’m staying at the same home blah blah..and a bit about my job.
    I was quite pleased that he’s still worried about me but when I think that may b he’s taking care of me just as a friend. I’m really broken hearted and crying all day. I dun wanna be just frds with him. I want to get back with him, but whenever I think about the new gal, I’m devastated. What should I do? It’s been about three mnths already that he break me up. But we were dating more than a decade. He’s just seeing this gal only a few mnths. I cannot believe he really loves her.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 28, 2017 at 1:51 pm

      You can’t control them.. focus in yourself because you can only control yourself… how active are you in improving yourself? How active are you in posting? If he sees you in person or in photos, would he regret not being with you? if he bumps into you and talks to you, would he think you have moved on or are you going to sound like you’re still trying to convince him that you’ve changed?

  10. Dawn

    November 27, 2017 at 9:25 pm

    Can NC work with someone I was never exclusive with? We had a bit of a fling over the past few months but I recently overheard him and a friend talking about the other women he texted the night before. Even though we weren’t dating, I was heartbroken to hear that. We are friends and have been for a while but hooked up a couple times recently (also having great conversations) and I have started to fall for him. We have many mutual friends so see each other regularly without setting up dates. I confronted him and told him I felt he was giving me mixed signals. He acted like he didn’t know what I was talking about so I said that even though he can text whomever he wants, it was hurtful to hear about it because of the time we’ve spent together. He said he’s just having fun, nothing serious. He also said he didn’t text me that night because he didn’t want me to think he just saw me as a booty call and that he likes me. But he is sticking to ‘I can’t do anything serious because I feel lost’. He broke up with his ex about 7 months ago (about 3 months before I started expressing my interest in him) and they continued to sleep together up until August until she found another boyfriend (although I cannot be certain they aren’t still sleeping together). He and I slept together for the first time in September. Then again a couple weeks ago. Our text conversation ended with me saying ‘it’s my fault. I knew you weren’t interested in me but I chose to ignore it’. That was 4 days ago and he hasn’t responded. But since then he has liked 2 of my social media posts and was touchy, talkative and flirty with me yesterday when we were playing volleyball in the same gym (not the same court). I’m really confused because he now knows I’m not looking to be a casual thing to him and that I don’t appreciate the mixed signals yet he continues to act the same as before all the while ignoring my last text. I have the EBR Pro but after reading through a lot of it am not convinced it will work in this situation. He is obviously dating other women even though I feel I may have been a ‘front runner’ since he doesn’t engage much in other people’s social media posts other than mine. I also am wondering how I can do NC when we have many of the same friends and play volleyball in the same league. We see each other there and at get togethers regularly. Yesterday I acted disengaged as much as possible (he continued to carry the conversation) but I don’t know if this is the right approach.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 28, 2017 at 3:59 pm

      Hi Dawn,

      It’s not a guarantee to work in any situation, but it helps increase your chances.

  11. -

    November 23, 2017 at 8:20 am

    My ex just broke up with me yesterday night. We had our first major argument that has been ongoing for nearly 3 months. It was due to our different beliefs pertaining to our wedding in 2 years time when our house is ready and many small aspects came up to his mind. He felt that I have been taking him for granted for the past 6 years we have been together and he’s tired of everything. He has a bad habit of keeping things to himself, so he felt frustrated for all the times that he has been giving in to me until he just couldn’t take it anymore. The other problem was because he confided in his colleague about us and crushed on her after she showed care and concern to him. He told me that he stopped after realizing it was wrong. I forgave him but he couldn’t forgive himself for hurting me. And now he broke up with me because he is tired of himself and doesn’t want to try to mend things up anymore. He made me confused by hugging and kissing me before telling me that it’s better for me because he didn’t want to see me trying so hard for the relationship when he’s not trying at all. He said he didn’t want to waste my time anymore. He’s a very negative person and just want to shut everyone out. He said if we’re meant to be, we will be together again next time. I don’t know what to do anymore.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 24, 2017 at 12:40 pm

      Hi,

      Do you want to try the no contact rule?

  12. Niña

    November 22, 2017 at 4:17 pm

    I had 7 months realtionship with my ex and it lasted last july i was hurt of his decision but i accept it. It was fine without him about 4 months already after that we had not communicate with each other but this october he suddenly contact me asking me if im fine hows my life and thats where we continue communicating i know i had i feeling that he is not serious with me of all his action i just wanna know how to forget him just like what i did back after we broke up i just want to get him off my life and move on.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 24, 2017 at 11:22 am

      Hi Niña,

      If you really want to continue moving on you just have to stop talking to him..

  13. Niña

    November 22, 2017 at 4:08 pm

    Hi! my ex bf and i ended our relationship last july i was on the stage of moving on for about 4 months already. But suddenly he contacts me and message me out of nowhere now we are communicating with each other and i think this is a bad idea but i cant help myself to reply to his messages i just want to get him off my life and continue what i had started before after our break up.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 24, 2017 at 11:22 am

      Hi Niña,

      If you really want to continue moving on you just have to stop talking to him..

  14. Anonymous

    November 21, 2017 at 5:48 pm

    Update: he posted a picture of him with a girl n he’s with her so i no longer need him in my life. NC Rule for the rest of my life. Thanks team for the support.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 23, 2017 at 1:37 am

      Ok, we understand..You’re welcome..

  15. Anonymous

    November 21, 2017 at 10:44 am

    So, I’ve a gut feeling that he’s with someone else. Im on NC period, its my 20th Day n i wanna contact him once it’s over but there’s a part of me which says I shouldn’t contact him and leave him with whoever he is as I’m hurt and he doesn’t even care to contact me.
    Just after 3-4 days of breakup i felt like he’s looking for some girl on Facebook to get her as he was used to the regular schedule of talking to me n now that im gone he’s probably after someone else to fill the void.

  16. Sarah

    November 20, 2017 at 9:36 pm

    Hi, thank you for this post. I am new here and am considering getting started on this journey. My boyfriend and i first got together in August of 2015. We kissed when I was still with my previous bf and broke up with him to be with my current ex. Me and my ex were kind of just messing around somewhat casually for the first 5 months or so because he was still guarded from his last relationship and he has a hard time with commitment. In January of 2016 we started officially dating and were together for just over a year before I ended things in March 2017. I have had a hard time with depression and anxiety, especially anxiety, since before I met him. It took a toll on me with him and I kind of lost my way with everything. I knew that I was too dependent on him and I needed to learn who I was and be able to stand on my own if we were ever going to make it. My mind had spiraled and there was just a lot of things going on in my mind that I wasn’t facing and decided to do it on my own. I broke up with him to be a better person on my own but I didn’t do a great job explaining myself about all of this during the breakup. I never was good at talking about my thoughts because, as most mentally people are, they think they’re being dramatic and no one would understand. He was pretty shocked and it’s all kind of a blur now. I had some demons to face, like needing to get past my past cheating that I still hadn’t forgiven myself for. Or learning that being independent is the way for us to survive. Learning to stand up for myself. Learning to love myself so that I can appreciate when someone else does. Things like that. Anyway, I had hoped I could get myself to a place where we could try again, but I never told him that for fear that that would be unfair and put him in a place of having to wait on me – and what if i did so and came out of this not wanting to be with him anymore? So I just let it be. 8 months later and I’m very very much improved and still have strong feelings of wanting to be with him forever. At 6 months post break up (sept), me and him sleep together and it completely solidified things for me. I was ready to tell him how i’d be feeling and what had been going on all this time in my head and my heart. I definitely approached it poorly because I wish i had thought about reasons he’d want to say no and squash them from the beginning (like being scared that I’d just leave again when things got hard, etc because even though he didn’t explicitly say it, I know that deep down it is a huge thing holding him back, and I didn’t blame him). Anyway, I spoke with him and explained myself and asked him to think about it and he got back to me a week later with the basic excuses (our old problems would come up, if we were meant to be we wouldn’t have broken up in the first place, i’m not in a place for a relationship), but as much as I tried to push him to tell me if it was truly over or not, he couldn’t tell me definitively that it would never happen again…just not now (his commitment issues again creeping up a little). In our second discussion, I also made mention of a girl I thought he had been spending time with so I could say that I wasn’t trying to impose myself but that i hadn’t wanted to say anything until I was ready and as I continued talking, he cut me off to assure me that the girl was just a friend and had been visiting. I took him at face value and believed him, because there was no reason for him to lie. He can be with someone, we aren’t dating. I just found out about a week ago that there was definitely more going on with this girl so I had lunch with him last week to clarify everything. We talked through a lot of things and I can tell that deep down his feelings for me are still there and that he is just scared. So I think it might just take some time for him to figure it out and some convincing on my part. What I don’t want to do is convince him so hard that I’m desperate or annoying. I know he needs to figure it out himself but I think he needs a little push and maybe a little manipulation 😉  This article really helped me though, because you’re right when you say it’s new and shiny and that it will wear off. When it does I want to be ready. Do you think I’m completely naive to still believe that we are meant to be? I absolutely know that I do not want to give up on him or me or us ever again, so I’m determined to make this work this time. I have a hard time being patient, but I’m going to try NC. We work together and have a solid friendship though, so it will be tough…but necessary. We haven’t been without contact for long periods of time these whole last 8 months. I have made huge strides on my own already but there’s so much more room for improvement and look forward to where I’ll be in a month. I just don’t want to lose sight of the bigger picture plan. Thanks for your help.

  17. Danielle

    November 19, 2017 at 10:23 pm

    So I am very seriously considering EBR, with that being said I have not come across anything that fits my situation to a tee. Chris and I have been together for 9 years and I am currently still living in his house while I finish school. He states that I can stay as long as I need/want and I appreciate that tremendously. With that said, he moved in with a woman he had met earlier this year on a singles website and the cheating was discovered by me around March. When I confronted him he denied it and used his best gas lighting techniques which caused me to contact the other woman. She knew nothing about me living with him and was obviously told that he had been single for quite some time. Fast forward to these last several months and she took him back and he moved in with her after we had a big argument. At first I was not too upset to see him go, I was angry with the lies and cheating and was happy to not have to look at his face for a while. In the last few months we have talked, and he seems to look for any excuse to come by the house or to contact me…I allow this. At this point we have discussed his confusion during this time and he states that he feels very confused and was just unhappy when he met her due to lack of communication and sex b/n us. I could agree with everything said but do not condone cheating by any means, with that said, I feel I can forgive it. He does vent to me about his new gf and while he likes many things about her he states that the long term will go nowhere due to some other habits and 4 children (he has no kids and my son is in college) in her home and constant bickering. He has asked to come home stating that he realizes that it is over b/n them, however, we have not actually discussed getting back together officially. He had spent the night here one evening after we had been with his mother at the hospital near by and his gf lives an hour from our house, he was exhausted and did not want to drive. Without asking he just came to our room and got into bed with me and we held each other all night. In the morning I could tell that neither one of us regretted that or felt guilty and he made a point to come back into the house after initially leaving and grabbing me and kissing me. I must admit…it had been a while since I felt that type of passion with him and I decided right then and there that I want him back. He is still at her home but has brought most everything back to our house (clothes etc…). I know he is feeling guilty about her especially with her kids who have gotten used to him being there. She uses the kids to make him feel guilty at times. I’m leery of everything and while I would love to try again, I want this to be his decision being that there is another woman involved. What can you recommend for me to read/do? I was doing fine with the way things were but this recent closeness has me spinning I must admit…and I’m craving him again. Thank you in advance for all of your guidance.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 21, 2017 at 7:05 pm

      Hi Danielle,

      Move out to another place.. Honestly, continuing to live in his house after knowing he cheated and now that he’s staying with her is not good for your image.. It looks like you just allow him hurting you and opening the door for him to use you because you don’t respect yourself to walk out.. Yes he’s showing signs that he’s going back but what happens when he gets bored again? Start with moving out first.. Find a way. Ask around school, friends or relatives if they know a cheap place you can rent or be a room mate with and then do the no contact rule..

  18. Madonna

    November 19, 2017 at 11:45 am

    Hi,
    My boyfriend has stopped talking to me suddenly. He’s not responding to my texts or phone calls. We are LDR and I ususally go see him every year. We are in relation for 7 years, 1 year in the same city and 6 years in different countries (he had to travel to continue his studies). From a year ago he started to ignore me for days and I’m the one who keeps talking and asking about him, and every time we fight for the same thing (why are you not contacting me?? And ignoring me??) So now he stopped completely talking to me and without any reasons. I’m scared that he would have met someone else. I really want him back I love him so much. I did the best to make our relationship works. I know he loves me, a lot, but he has changed lately so I’m worried. What to do??? I want him back. When he stopped talking to me 6 weeks ago we were talking normally and even laughing on WhatsApp then he stopped responding, I kept calling him and texting him for 3 days but then I stopped cause I saw him active on Skype and whatsapp, he even till now did not open my what’sapp mags. I’m active on social media and I keep posting pictures of Myself.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 20, 2017 at 10:15 pm

  19. michelle

    November 19, 2017 at 12:04 am

    Well me and my now ex boyfriend. Have been dating for 4 years .. we broke up about a week and a half ago..I broke up with him but I just wanted him to show me more attention and show me that he care …he started talking to this girl a day after we broke up .. they been talking for 4 days . Well now a week a half. and he has moved in with her , went to New Orleans with her and she even let’s him drive her car everywhere, cooks for him and everything…we have a daughter together and I’m 5 months pregnant by him… I’ve begged him to come back and everything … He says he doesn’t have feelings for her but that he only started talking to her because I broke up with him .. and that if I never would have broke up with him this would have never happened but I was just in my feelings… But he says he doesn’t want to just stop talking to her .. because he doesn’t want to hurt her feelings…. He’s 20…she’s 28… he told me I should move on and we can be friends….. Idk what to do .. I’m trying the 30 day no contact rule and hoping he will start to miss me and come back….I wish I would have never broke up with him and kicked him out. But I was just in my feelings I need some advice will they last? Is he in a rebound realtionship?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 20, 2017 at 5:34 pm

      Hi Michelle,

      Can be.. Either he’s just her or he’s just using your break up as an excuse because he wanted to do something with her in the first place.. Check this one:
      How To Get Your Ex Back When You Have A Child With Them

  20. Lina

    November 18, 2017 at 7:28 pm

    Hi Amor,
    I have been trying to focus on myself and working out and spending time with others but I find its very hard for me even 2 months later. It doesnt help either that i see all these things on social media because we are still friends and all. He met this woman like a month after we broke up and they just seem to really click and be getting closer and closer. I thought i could deal with the breakup om its own at first but this has just added to my sadness and Im not sure what to do anymore. Please help me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 20, 2017 at 3:09 pm

      Hi Lina,
      Unfriend him so you won’t see his posts and see a therapist to help you move on

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