Has He Moved On? How To Get Him Back If He Has A Girlfriend

Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO

It can really hurt when an ex boyfriend (who you still have feelings for) seemingly moves on to another girl. For many women out there they lose all hope of getting their ex back. Others will get angry and immediately look to start or cause a fight. Rarely will you ever come across one that does the smartest thing, stack the odds in her favor! That is really what this page is all about, how to get your ex boyfriend back if he has a new girlfriend by stacking the odds in your favor.

If you haven’t already read my epic article on how to get your ex boyfriend back I suggest you drop everything for the next 30 minutes (yes 30 minutes) and go read it.

What You Really Want..

When I first created this site I wanted to create the best online resource for getting your ex back. So far, I feel I have done a decent job of that. However, as I started interacting with you I began to notice that what I was writing wasn’t enough, you wanted more. This was especially true for those heartbroken women whose ex boyfriends have moved on to a new girlfriend. I understand how you particularly feel because I have interacted with so many of you. So, I decided to do something I have never done before.

I began writing a “super guide” on how to get your ex boyfriend back. I am talking about everything I could possibly think of. Eventually after 100 pages of writing I finished Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO. Think of it like the ultimate step by step guide to getting an ex boyfriend back. It will teach you everything you will need to know. So, if you feel you want some more in depth instructions on how to get an ex boyfriend back then please click the link below:

Learn More About Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO

Remember The Most Important Thing

Before you take any major steps to getting your ex boyfriend back it is important that you implement the No Contact Rule. Now, I am not going to go too deeply into that. In fact, I wrote an entire page just covering the no contact rule and what to do during it. You can visit that page here: No Contact Rule Guide.

If you don’t have the patience to read that entire page let me sum up some of the most important points for you.

No Contact Rule Main Points

  • No contact what-so-ever for 30 days (1 full month.)
  • This means no texting, calling, emailing, letters, facebook stalking or Googling.
  • During your 30 day freeze out make sure you improve yourself both mentally and physically.

You may be wondering why learning about the NCR (No Contact Rule) is so important. After all, this page is about a very unique situation, trying to get an ex boyfriend back who has a new girlfriend. Well, the importance of NOT CONTACTING YOUR EX is crucial in this particular situation. The fact that your old boyfriend has a new girlfriend can be heart crushing and you are going to want to contact your ex very badly (and you are definitely not going to have many good things to say.)

How Did He Get His New Girlfriend?

New Girlfriend

(Disclaimer: I promised myself that I was going to use this page to legitimately help people. So, I feel that this section is important. While this may not be a section about how to get him back it is a section that is something I added in to prevent you from making a big mistake, going after a guy that will only hurt you very deeply again.)

Believe it or not but how your ex boyfriend got his new girlfriend matters in a very big way. I am going to outline three situations for you, two of these situations are going to focus on guys that you should be trying to get back and one of the situations is going to be focusing on guys that you should not be trying to get back. Let’s begin.

Situation 1- You broke up with your ex, realized you wanted him back but found out that he got a new girlfriend after the breakup. If you are in this situation then you are free to go ahead and try to get your ex boyfriend back.

Situation 2- He broke up with you and later got a new girlfriend. Again, this is a really common situation and you are free to go ahead and try to get him back.

Situation 3- He left you for another girl. He was either cheating or was in love with someone else. Ladies, I am going to be completely honest here, this guy is not someone that you should want to get back with. Sure, you can try to get him back but he needs to prove to you that he is trustworthy.

4 Truths To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back With A New Girlfriend


This section will explore some of the most important steps to getting back with an ex who has a new girlfriend. Admittedly you are at a bit of a disadvantage since he has moved on, or has he? Let’s explore!

Truth 1: Not contacting your ex is a must. Not only should you have implemented the No Contact Rule but you need to stay strong. Getting mad, breaking down and texting your ex a hateful message about his new girlfriend isn’t going to help your ultimate goal is it? Instead, be cool and don’t worry, every dog has it’s day.

Truth 2: It’s not always easy dating someone new. Especially if you came out of a relatively serious relationship. It may be entirely possible that your ex is uncomfortable in his new relationship. It happens all the time. This is one of the symptoms of what everyone likes to call a rebound relationship. This leads us to our next step..

Truth 3: Rebound relationships are relationships that usually form right after a breakup. Lucky for you rebound relationships don’t last forever. In fact, statistics show that 90% of rebound relationships are bound to fail. So, the odds are in your favor just make sure you keep your cool while he is dating his new girlfriend. Remember, if you freak out you are going to make a lot of mistakes and mistakes aren’t going to help get you two back together.

Truth 4: It is entirely possible that the further away from a breakup that your ex boyfriend gets the more nostalgic he will become about your relationship. Basically, instead of remembering all the bad things (like fights, disagreements or whatever caused your breakup) he will remember all the good things. This can definitely work in your favor.

How To Cope


It is not always easy to want someone back so badly and see them in another relationship with someone else. I put this section together to give you some advice on how to handle what you are feeling. Remember, just because he is dating someone new doesn’t mean your chances are gone completely. Sometimes men need to go out with someone new to realize just how good they had it with you.

Keep The Focus On You- Try your best not to obsess over his situation. You can’t control what he does but you can control what you do. Go out and have fun. Make new friends. Basically, just ramp up your social life so you can focus on the most important thing, yourself.

It’s Not Your Fault- Sometimes women have a tendency to believe that their ex started dating someone new because of something that they did or something that they could not provide. Dating isn’t always black and white like that. Whatever happens, make sure you don’t let an ex boyfriends actions affect how you feel.

Accept That There Will Be Pain- You are not a robot. You can’t just turn off your feelings. It’s ok to feel pain over the situation but once that pain starts creeping into your everyday life and effecting how you live then you have problems.

Beware Of The “I Want What I Can’t Have” Syndrome- This particular piece of advice probably should have gone higher on this page. Sometimes a select group of women will want their ex boyfriend back once they see him with someone new. If you find that you are in this situation be very careful about proceeding to get him back. You may need to go back and do some serious searching on whether or not you want him back for a legitimate reason.

Resist Any Comparisons- It is only human nature to want to compare yourself to the new (hopefully temporary) girlfriend. Are you better looking? Do you have a better personality? Comparing yourself to the new girl is not productive. You only hurt yourself in the process and that is not going to help your cause at all.

Are There Any Actions You Can Take To Help Your Cause?

actions to take

So far this page has really been about personal things that you can do to get your ex back if he has a new squeeze. Now, I want you to realize that I laid this page out that way on purpose. The fact of the matter is that a certain amount of this is out of your control. I mean, if you have found a way to mind control someone please let me know because I could put that skill to good use. However, in this section I am briefly going to discuss certain actions you can take to drastically improve your chances of getting your ex boyfriend back.

(Remember, these actions should only be taken after you have completed the 30 Day No Contact Rule.)

Watch For Trouble Signs- No one is perfect and this is especially true of relationships. Each one has it’s ups and downs. Your job is to keep an eye out for his troubles with his new girl and be there to provide support and remind him how good he had it with you.

Initiate Contact Via Text Message- Test the waters with your ex boyfriend via text messaging. There are a whole set of rules and regulations that go with texting an ex. I am not going to go into those here but if you want to know them then please visit this page.

Be Very Nice To Him And His New Girlfriend- If you are on good terms with your ex or you have tested the waters via text messages and gotten a positive response be very wary about trashing his new girlfriend. It may be tempting but however strong that temptation is you are going to have to avoid it.

Sarah and Kai

The Sarah Vs. Kai Case Study

Put your email in the box on the right to follow along as I show two women exactly what they need to do to get their ex boyfriends back.Right Arrow

2,089 Responses to Has He Moved On? How To Get Him Back If He Has A Girlfriend
  1. bree
    April 18, 2014 | 9:41 am

    Hi I have been dating this guy just a few months. I didn’t plan on really liking him or wanting a relationship at all I have had walls up many years. We meet online as friends then we meet. I feel at first sight he did as well. I had two ltr b4 in my 32 years but never was it as passionate as this new dating. All my girlfriends hated on him bc he is not wealthy.. but he was and is always on my mind. Last week my girlfriends made a false profile to chat with him around the time we were about to put a label on our courting.. a week ago today my friends showed me the flirting messages all the same day we finally became together.. I flipped told him I read it all and was hurt. Are fuss was short and I didn’t get to explain or did I get a reasons why.. I never had feelings this strong or fast .. over the weekend I spilled my heart telling him. I love him in text.. No resp once. And was blocked on Facebook.. few days past I texted him saying I wanted a goodbye in a nice way no hard feeling and that I’ll always be his friend. We chatted briefly about how he might move home to Va and leave nc. And that I should move on. .. it hurt but was no fighting.. a few hours later I ran into his friend that likes me and his friend told me that Jason is already in a committed relationship. With a girl jason knows I Dont like. And that girl was chasing him during our first chatting. I feel stupid and humiliated I spilled my heart in text while he jumped in a relationship. And was with her.Jason Dont know I know all that.. nor that his friends have been hitting on me.. I so want to let him know all these things i know.But I want to give him space..do I tell him in a nice way that I know or be like ewww gross and act like I’m over him compleatly? Or nothing.Before I do the 30 day no contact.? I feel so foolish and hurt. But I Dont want to threw it all away. I dated many guys no man ever got to my heart like this..and i feel our friends are jello that well love well loved:’( please help?

  2. Freddie
    April 14, 2014 | 7:58 pm

    Hi please help
    I have been split up from my ex boyfriend twelve months
    We have the constant emails I’ve chased him and he had a new girlfriend . I was devisated when we split up . Chased and chased begged him to come back. In September he emailed me saying he was trying to make it work but constantly thought of me.
    I offered him everything yet again he stayed with her.
    He knows I love him.
    I began to rebuild my life… Looked after myself Moved house, set up my own business and became stronger… Had a odd date but was still in love with him.
    I never told him where my business was …
    Out of the blue he drove by and then informed me….
    Via email.. Well done your business looks lovely
    And happy birthday to me hope I was having a good day
    I ignored these emails
    I had a few days away that he seemed to be aware of too
    So I replied I had a fantastic few days away and that I had a fantastic time .

    I’ve read and read all your replies and questions to yourself
    And followed a lot of your advice
    ….focus on me and ignore him be the one he fell in love with not desperate
    Which is what I’ve done

    He’s been to my local previous pub and sent me a photo of…the pub
    I still never replied as I previously sent him some time ago” come and get me if you want me you know how I feel about you I love you dearly ”

    The same evening I had a nasty email saying….
    Just don’t contact me again with your silly mind games FOOL
    I feel really upset and hurt . I have not replied
    What should I do ?
    I love and wat this man what do you think he wants ?
    Please help

    • admin
      April 15, 2014 | 4:13 pm

      don’t contact him for a long while.

  3. Leah
    April 14, 2014 | 1:27 pm

    So my boyfriend and I had been dating for almost a year when we had a fight and we broke up, just right before summer vacation. When school started, I heard some rumours about him interested with another girl and I was hurt, since he didn’t seem like that guy. I was very upset but I didn’t let him know. Shortly a few weeks after the rumours spreaded, a new guy in my grade expressed his interest in me. He wasnt a very good person though, and a lot of girls warned me to be careful around him. I wasnt interested and secretly still hung up on my boyfriend so I steered clear from him. Suddenly, my ex popped up from nowhere and started telling me to be careful and told his friends to keep an eye on me so I wouldnt get into trouble as the guy who had interest in me was very creepy and very insistent. Fast forward a few weeks, my boyfriend apologized for breaking up with me and things got back to normal. He was sweet and caring, but then he started to talk less and less and he gives off the vibe of being bored. This went on for about 3 weeks. I backed out quietly, getting the signal. During this time, a really nice guy (let’s just call him Drew) helped me out. Whenever I was sad he would comfort me and eventually I started to have feelings for him. So when he asked me to be his girlfriend, I accepted. My ex was furious when he heard we got together. Long story short, I realized that I just have a simple crush on Drew and my present relationship felt awkward and it’s actually just a rebound so I broke it off with him. Fortunately, Drew felt the same way about our relationship so no hard feelings is present between us. My ex then heard that I still loved him and wanted to get back with him, but then he told me that he doesnt know what to do now because I’m unchartered territory and he is starting to move on with another girl. Please help me, I really do love him and i would do anything to get him back.

  4. Leeri
    April 12, 2014 | 1:48 pm

    My ex simon and me have dated for 11 months. In the middle of our relationship he dated another girl alongside with me. And when I found out about i I asked him and he said he isnt serious with her and that he loves me. Shortly he left her and we were happy. I broke up with him two to three times because I felt he was cheating on me. But then after our third break up he was like dead serious with me. By the ninth month he broke up with me saying he got back with his ex with whom he dated for 6 years. We didnt contact for a week and then after a week he called me up saying he lost his mind that day and broke up with me and that he wants to get back. We were fine again. But my friends warned me and told me not to go ahead with this relationship but I didnt listen. Now shortly after our 11 month anniversary I had a feeling he is being with me only because he pitied me. Because I was weak and would cry when he would leave me or ignore me. So I told him if he is with me only because he pitied me he better leave me. And the worst part was he just left me at that state and took a new girlfriend within an hour. I really miss him alot. Do you think I should get back? Or will he come back to me?

    p.s. I had to explain my story so that you will be able to understand my situation.

    • Pam
      April 13, 2014 | 12:16 am

      Its up to you really. I would tell him that you and him need to go see a counselor in order for him to prove to you that he will not leave you again. Tell him that you deserve respect. Dont let it hurt you!!! Trust me im in the same situation. If God wants you two to be together it will happen. It takes time.

  5. Sarah
    April 11, 2014 | 11:52 pm

    So me and my boyfriend broke up about 2 months ago. I’ve known
    Him since kindergarden. I changed high schools and then met him again
    On instagram, i know sounds pretty lame. Anyway i loved him so much
    And i still do a lot more then u should. He got a new girlfriend but i want
    Him back. I have no idea what to do! I told him i still had feelings for him in
    March 2 months after we broke up. We still talk and facetime and all that
    But are just friends. All i want his him to love me again. How do i get him

  6. Lynn
    April 11, 2014 | 2:15 pm

    this is somehow complicated.
    my boyfriend (or ex-boyfriend now) and I are long distance, I have known him for around nine months and we were working on moving together, so the distance was temporary. However, a lot has happened in no time; first it was all rainbows and butterflies, and suddenly out of nowhere he tells me how he’s suicidal after an insignificant fight we’ve had; he insisted it had nothing to do with me and that it was very personal. I tried to help him out of it, and he broke up with me saying it was better for the both of us not to be together, although we stayed very close friends.
    Only a week ago we had a very intimate talk, it was emotional, I almost forgot he has broken up with me, only to find out that he got a new girlfriend two days later.
    it is difficult having to cope with it knowing I will be living with him in the same city within a few months, I have no idea what to tell my family about it as we were intending on getting married.
    (P.S. he’s an extremely sensitive, emotional person and not the kind of person that would go in a rebound relationship, he would only get involved with somebody he has romantic feelings for)
    When he broke up with me, he did assure me that I’m very special to him and that he will never cancel me out of his life, and we did keep in touch after the breakup, he also had moments when he would express his feelings to me. I’m so lost, I really don’t know what to do.
    (P.P.S. you’ve mentioned something about the reasons that he may not mention; in fact, he did want me to lose the few extra pounds I have on, and I’ve been working on it, he was also extremely sexually frustrated and felt lonely all the time)
    Please tell me what you think Chris,
    Thank you very much.

  7. kimberry merser
    April 11, 2014 | 3:11 am

    His new girl steal my ex first
    She use that chances when we fighting and i really love him
    What should i do to steal him back??

  8. lavette
    April 10, 2014 | 1:39 am

    DO you think there is hope of me and my ex getting back together if he has a new g/f. He’s in a relationship after we dated for 3 yrs. He said he didn’t want to, be committed to me nor anyone else. This is our 2nd time around. I was his first love, I left him, fast forward 20 yrs we meet again. We basically got a long fine. We talked on the phone everyday, we had our disagreements mainly because I wanted a relationship and he didn’t. I finally realized that I needed to stop pushing, then bam he gets a g/f he I informed me via text. We didn’t communicate for 3 weeks. Then we spoke, Communication was off for 30 days. Wen he initiated contact I would wait a day to respond. Wen he left his last message, I didn’t respond, he called three days later than showed up at my house. We had a good visit, until I brought up his relationship. He seemed very uncomfortable, we talked, then we yelled, then I put him out. I felt so bad for putting him out, but I felt like I had been passive for too long. It’s been 4 days and I haven’t v heard from him. I really would like to reconcile. What is your opinion or advise?
    Thk you

    • admin
      April 11, 2014 | 3:36 am

      How long has he been with the new girl for?

      • lavette
        April 11, 2014 | 4:19 am

        Thks for responding.
        From what I know it’s been Since Feb 3. That’s wen he told me.
        Does this seem hopeless or what if anything can I do?

      • Sara
        April 11, 2014 | 6:05 am

        Since the beginning of feb this year. So they just started dating

        • lavette
          April 13, 2014 | 12:09 am

          Yes, he said they are in a relationship. He came to my house last week too talk abt something he cOuld have spoken to me abt on the phone or not at all. We talked had a nice visit until I asked him abt his relationship status, then we had a major blow out. I put him out( I felt bad..but it had to be done) . We haven’t spoken since last Sat, I’m miserable but I haven’t texted or called him. I feel that this may be hopeless.
          Thks for listening.

          • lavette
            April 14, 2014 | 2:13 pm

            Admin ????

            • admin
              April 14, 2014 | 5:10 pm

              Haha my name is Chris

              • lavette
                April 15, 2014 | 2:47 am

                Hi Chris,
                You didn’t answer my post. Help!!!

                • lavette
                  April 15, 2014 | 10:19 pm

                  Chris Chris Chris Help!!

                  • admin
                    April 16, 2014 | 4:17 pm

                    Ye yes yes im here.

                    • lavette
                      April 19, 2014 | 4:21 am

                      I give up. Thks

                    • admin
                      April 20, 2014 | 3:29 am

                      Do you need help getting over him if you are giving up?

  9. Sara
    April 9, 2014 | 10:03 pm

    My boyfriend and I were together 5 yrs and have a 3 yr old daughter together. We broke up after i made him chose between a breakup and marriage and well here we are. He has been dating his new girlfriend for 2 months now. He had picked up with her where he and I left off and even now makes comments about her that he use to make about me. I am trying to get him back and save my family but he has introduced this new woman to our child and I am unsure how to take that. Im really beginning to freak out and am in DESPERATE need of your guidance. Please help me save my family.

  10. sandra
    April 7, 2014 | 4:29 pm

    we dated for 6 months and were really serious. our parents came to know about it n they were against it so we had to break up. it’s been 10 months since then and he has got a new girl in his life whom he calls as his best friend. i think they are much more than that. we were on friendly terms but from recent some days he’s completely ignoring me and it hurts. he doesnt do any efforts to talk to me or meet me now as he used to do earlier. i really love him n want him back. if he loves me, then why doesnt he show??

  11. Libby Walsh
    April 7, 2014 | 3:52 am

    I’m 15, almost 16, and my ex was 19. I took his virginity. We kinda snook around, but he got sick of it. So I finally talked to my mom about it, but then he dumped me, on christmas.. We were together for 2 months and I really honestly love him. But he got with another girl.. Is it possible he’s with her because he can’t be with me right now, like maybe he’s just trying to get over me with someone knew?

    • admin
      April 7, 2014 | 4:50 pm

      Why did you have to sneak around?

  12. Abby
    April 5, 2014 | 12:47 am

    What do you do when your boyfriend of 2 years leaves u the day after telling you how much he loves u wants too marry you have a baby and hope you get through the problems you are having… And then 2 days after the break up he starts a new relationship with a girl he met on the internet they hadn’t even known each other a week when they started dating and although he denies he cheated started talking too her a few days before the break up but was still telling u he loved u.

    • admin
      April 6, 2014 | 4:51 pm

      The commitment scared him it sounds like.

  13. Chelsea
    April 4, 2014 | 3:20 am

    He had a past relationship that he thought had ended and wanted to continue on with me, as he thought they ended. But apparently she still is waiting for him. He was going to propose to her and got scared. But while being with me he developed feelings for me too. I am heartbroken because I have deep feelings and don’t know if I can win him back at all. He does not know what he wants now. Me or her. But there long term relationship seems to outweigh our less than one year relationship. What should I do.

  14. toni austria
    April 4, 2014 | 2:32 am

    My fiance and i lived in for about 8mos, then we broke up last jan20, i left him coz of his attitude, he’s so obsessed, strict, insecure, bossy type, perfectionist! He is so selfish kind of person, i try to understand him, coz i loved him, but he is so hard to handle, we always fight even the small things, he will get mad at me, so i decided to leave him and i go back to my place, then we didnt contact, (fb coz i blocked him, and i didnt even texted him for a week) then after a week, he messaged my mom, he tells what he feels, even he sent that message for my mom’s fb, he said that he’s so hurt, asking if i really loved him, etc.
    So.. nextday, i replied him, so we started again to talk, like that, and we hoped again that we can fix it, but, never happened, he’s still the same , got his bad attitude again, when he get my feelings, he will be the same again, he didnt change, so .. we are on and off situation, for almost one month, then, we broke up again on chat, then im always prentedning that im ready, coz i dont want to see him that im weak, so.. this time i said, its okay. And goodbye, then, after 2weeks, i saw his fb, he had a new girl, my heart ofcourse breaks, but i stay strong and wise, then after a month, i get shocked,coz even he change his number , he texted me, he said that he loved me, etc. I didnt reply him, and i didnt even tell that i know that he had new gf, pls help me, i just want to know, why he keep on txting me, and always says that im so bad to him, he’s still inloved with me, asking me if i did loved him? Like that.. whats the point? If he had a new girl, i hope someone could advice me too what to do.. thank you in advanced!

    • admin
      April 4, 2014 | 5:17 pm

      My new guide will be very eye opening for you. Wait about a week and it will be out.

  15. Crying Soul
    April 2, 2014 | 5:44 am

    what to do if you and your ex where together for two years & not even two week later his ex girlfriend uploads a recent picture of them two cuddling?help

  16. Nic
    March 31, 2014 | 10:41 pm

    So… what do you do when your ex, who has been contacting you, caught up a few times and wanting to catch up on a regular basis, suddenly tells you that his current gf found something out about his past and is uncomfortable with your friendship, that she has said she’d be ok with it if we were to become acquainted, however for he and i to remain in contact, that would have to happen before or on, the next time we caught up. I had already gotten a text message from her, which blew me away, saying she’d found some stuff out that worried her about him and she was open to conversation/information, however i didn’t replay straight away as i was thrown for a loop to be honest and was trying to figure out how i felt about it. This text was a few days ago, i text my ex tonight to ask about a gift his mother had given his sister to pass on, and if he could get it and i could get it from him (i don’t really see his sister that much) and the response i first detailed in this message is what i got. Wtf? Seriously, the contact between he and i is sporadic at best, and mostly via text, there is nothing to it so i don’t understand why this all of a sudden. The only thing i can think of, is that she thinks i am a threat and i’ve no idea where that come from…

    • admin
      April 1, 2014 | 4:56 pm

      Typical, the gf feels threatened by you so she is putting a stop to it.

      (Which I guess is her right but he may resent her for it.)

      • Nic
        April 2, 2014 | 8:17 am

        I haven’t done anything out of line though so i don’t know why now, this has happened. She did mention finding out something about HIS past and i suspect may have read communication between he and i from when we broke up, but even so, there is no reason to all of a sudden claim being uncomfortable about his and my friendship with is via text mostly and sporadic and tbh, from my side of things, he only told me a WEEK ago, that he had a gf, i’d asked before as was given vague answers such as “i may have a visitor over” and none of MY messages to him have been lovey dovey or i want you back sort of thing, this is why i’m nonplussed as to why such an extreme “met her or else no contact” within a specific timeframe or else. It just makes no sense to me.

      • Nic
        April 2, 2014 | 8:23 am

        What should i do? Call his bluff? (he’s the one that told me she’d become uncomfortable and for us to continue to be in contact i had to meet her either before or the next time we caught up (very rarely do we do that). Should i just not bother replying? What do you suggest?

  17. Jasmine
    March 31, 2014 | 10:20 am

    Hey. I’m lost. Experiencing the worst feeling I’ve ever felt in my life. I wake up and my heart drops every morning when I realize that my ex is not by my side. Sometimes I have these suicidal thoughts because of it. And I don’t want to anymore…. I really need your insight. Because I don’t have anyone else to talk to about this.

    Me ex && I were together for 4 years. We were soooooo in love, moved in together, his family loved me we always had each others back and were inseparable. When we got together he was in a bad place in his life. I stood by him, helped him and neverrr left his side. Financially, place to stay, helped to better him in every way possible and just loved him with everything in me. Eventually the tables turned and he was there me when I was i was at me darkest. I admit he made sure we were fine financially but every other area just began to fade. Now we are young so there was also a lot of problems. I’m currently 23 and he’s 20. We started arguing ALOT, stopped going anywhere, and it just got bad. He stopped focusing on us/ me and more on his money. He ‘s now in a REALLY good place financially. It’s almost as if the moment he got to this place he kickd me to the curb. He broke up with me in August.

    Here were his reasonings: We were arguing too much, I stopped going places with him, stopped talking to his friends, I was wasn’t being affectionate with him as much, we stopped having a lot of sex, he said I didn’t make him feel appreciated or loved and most of all he his biggest problem was that I never took a picture with him. He started having the WORST attitude with me out of blue and his whole aura kinda changed.

    I admit all I was doing all those things he said. But in my defense here’s why; I did not feel like the only girl in his world and didn’t LOVEDD. He would always emotionally abuse me, criticize me, compare me to other women, go on social websites and post subliminal messages that were negative about me or our relationship. Even though only 1 was physical he was cheating every other month, lying all the time, being disrespectful and most of all trying to change me. I started feeling uncomfortable around him and his friends. Now I am a very attractive woman(not being conceited) but He made me feel soo ugly, not cool enough just really insecure. I remember him saying as we watched a show tv with a really attractive women “That’s what my future gf is going to look like.” I felt like he didn’t LIKE me, he never hung around my friends or family not once throughout our relationship. So yes I stopped hanging with his friends…. As far as me never taking a picture with him. Growing up my family never took a lot of pictures, they were barely affectionate so it was always really awkward for me but to make it worse my ex would say things to me like “it’s not my fault you’re not photogenic anymore” && “Don’t ever smile like that you look like your brother.” I grew so insecure that I didn’t even want to take a picture. I lost myself completely .

    When we broke up in August I was completely out of it and really emotional partially because I as pregnant. I found out 2 weeks before e broke up but didn’t tell him until almost a month afterwards. The reason was because one I was trying to piece things together and two; the events that took place after we broke had me in utter shock. Not even THREE HOURS after we broke up he started going on dating sites looking for other woman. Of course he was still contacting me, telling me he loved me blah blah, we were even still hoping on dates and spending nights with each other. In my mind we were just having tough patch but he prove me wrong because the games never stopped and we never actually ended up back together.

    I was distraught f course. He started talking to someone else even had sex with them in only a month. Soon after that i told him i was pregnant and his reaction was terrible. … Either way I wasn’t into moving on that quickly so I only went out on a couple dates. When he found out he was beyond pissed even though he was doing way worse. So I stopped worrying about other guys and just tried to focus on me while my ex was doing everything else. He would always text me or call telling me how much he loved me and missed me, wanted to work things out but he never really acted on it.

    Because I was pregnant I was really hormonal and not myself so I took time to myself and stopped talking to him. Not a full month straight. Just weeks on and off. During that time I ended up having a miscarriage. He ended up talking to a lot of different girls then in December he started talking to this one girl Dominique. I was still upset with him and the games he was playing with so I wasn’t really talking to him. We ended up having the worse fall out because I sent her the conversations me and my ex were having while they were together. He was VERY upset and said some of the worst things to meEVER. . I still can’t believe the things he said.

    He apologized and tried to kind of mend things between us. I still had Very mixed and hurt feelings toward him but I felt as though I had to be there for him. This was the man I loved after all. So every time he’d contact me claiming that he needed me I would drop everything that I was doing and go be by his side. We eventually ended up having sex when they broke up. He would call or text only when it was convenient for him, basically when him and Dominique were having problems. I didn’t really notice until one day he called at 4 in the morning claiming he needed me, I went to be with him. For hours we talked about what happend with us and how much he loved me. He even went as far to say that he wanted me to move back in like immediately and still wanted to marry me. We ended having sex that night and the next couple of days after that rarely heard from him. Weeks after that I found out that he had been telling her that loved her, putting more effort in to her than he ever put into me. He flaunts her EVERYWHERE, professes how he care about her on social websites and just from the looks of it treats her like how I always wants him to treat me…..all the while however he still text me saying he loves me, still flirts if ever I see him in person, and still says little optimistic things to me on social websites. My heart is so torn by all of this. I feel used and unappreciated.

    Fast forward. At this point my world is shattered and I just couldn’t take it anymore. We had another big falling out and I stopped everything with him. He would text me here and there telling me he loved me while still with her and every time I told him that I was going to change my number and stop talking to him completely he would ge beyond pissed!.

    Eventually after going back in forth with this in my mind I did just that. I recently changed my number. Told him not to contact me or my family unless it’s an emergency. I blocked him off of every social website. And told him that if he loves the girl he with than he need to be with her completely and leave me alone. I have this terrible hate for how he has played me and hurt me. But …..I still love him though. Still want to be with him. Still misses him everyday. Still cringe every time I think of him loving someone else. …. I just don’t know what to do or how to feel. Am I wrong for still having these feelings for him.? Do you think I he really loves her? Am I crazy for thinking that we could ever get back together again? Does he even love me, did he ever love me.?

    • admin
      March 31, 2014 | 4:35 pm

      How long specifically have they been together?

      • Jasmine
        April 1, 2014 | 12:43 am

        They got together in December && broke up in march. But they just got back together again last week.

  18. asha
    March 30, 2014 | 3:05 pm


    My bf brokup one and hlf month back. he said that he has choosen a gal for marriage as he has to move on and its hogh time. he never met that girl yet. he got it from matrimony and he just contacted her though phone and in one day he liked her and forwarded her profile to his parents. he is going to meet her next week. i want him back becuase i want to spend my life with him. he is muslim and i am hindu but i am ready to marry him.but he is not listening to me and not coming back.please suggest me how to get him back as i have tried evrything but he is not liteneing and i kno he doen’t love that girl but still he doen’t want me also.

  19. Ellen
    March 29, 2014 | 11:46 pm

    My boyfriend of four years broke up with me out of the blue almost a month ago, we were doing amazing and planned on buying an apartment together and having a future together forever within the next few months, he was all for it, said he wanted to marry me and have kids with me and be together forever. So heres where it gets confusing. About two weeks before my boyfriend broke up with me I brought up an old rumor about him cheating on me the first two months we were dating with a girl I strongly dislike. This girl told me herself it was true, and he denied it all those years, and I guess I believe deep down in my heart it was true and I could tell he was lying whenever it was brought up. I just recently confronted him about it because I feel as though hes been lying all these years. If he cheated the first two months we were dating Im willing to move on from that because weve grown so much in these past four years and I honestly couldnt see myself with anyone else, and I know he would never cheat on me now. but I just wanted the truth, almost so we could be even closer if that makes sense. I came out and told him I know he did it. . He kept denying and denying it and had no idea I didnt believe him all these years. I told him we need to take a break if he couldnt tell me the truth. ( I thought wed get back together either way, I just wanted to scare him). we didnt contact eachother for a few days until we started talking again and both agreed to forget about it and get back together again. I was happy with that. As days went on he started acting different and more distant from me. About a week went by and he said he wants to breakup(mind you this is the first time ive heard those words out of his mouth since we started dating). He said he “needs time to clear his head” and that he still loves me the same and nothings changed hes just not in a good place and thinks time apart will help. I questioned if what he was telling me was legit. until I realized that maybe when he knew I knew he cheated he couldnt be with me AND deal with the guilt? anyways, about a week later we decided for him to come over so we could talk it out. I could obviously tell he was in a bad place but he said that he wants to be with me while he deals with his issues and that night it seemed like everything was back to normal. Until Id ask him to come over after work and hed make up stupid excuses as to why he couldnt. I went from seeing him everyday to seeing him once that week. It really really hurt that he didnt want to see me. I then said to him he needs to make a decision, and that I couldnt be his halfway girlfriend. He still seemed as though he wanted to be with me so bad but he wouldnt let himself. He then said he needs to deal with this on his own and that it made it worse for him to see me, as much as he wanted to he “couldnt”. So thats when we broke it off for good. I went a good solid two weeks not talking to him in the hopes hed miss me and want to work everything out. When I didnt hear from him I caved and called to ask if there was even any hope for us to get back together. He was very blunt on the phone and said that its over and that he “couldnt go back”. Thats when it really hit me that there may never be a chance for us to get back together. I know exactly what hes trying to do, hes trying to run away from his problems in the hopes that he can forget about everything. And that if he pretends like hes not hurting that it will go away. He came to get his things that I left for him a few days later, I did not see him. Still I had not heard from him for a few days until I contacted him again saying im here for him and we can work through it no matter what. he did not answer my texts or calls. Although ive heard from his father that he doesnt think hes happy alone, also from other people that hes acting very different, like almost going on a downward spiral. But he will not let me help him out of it. I read about the NC rule and decided Im going to do it for a month, because by contacting him at least once a week I havent really given him the chance to miss me, or live life without me. I guess my question is, is that can four amazing years really all be over because of this? or does it seem as though he needs time to clear his head of the guilt and confusion? we had a great four years and we both hoped and believed wed be together forever and showed no interest in ever being with anyone else. And then all of the sudden this. I just wonder if he can get over this hump and realize he wants me in his life again forever. I worry that he will try and move on forever and never look back. Like I said, it has been a month of me contacting him on and off with little to no response. And now Im trying a new approach, the NC rule and it has been 4 days of me not contacting him. I want him back so bad and this time apart has really made me realize how I want to be with him forever. I just wonder if hes putting up a front. Or if he really is trying to move on. Because how do you move on from four amazing years so quickly? I guess I just need opinions on the situation.

  20. Ronnie
    March 29, 2014 | 8:46 pm

    I am new to blogging as well. I agree with your comment about not moving on due to not finding a partner that you are compatible with. I was in a relationship for four years. It ended because of things I did. Two years later, my ex and I are still interacting with each other even though he has a girlfriend. This is definitely a rebound relationship. As soon as we broke up (two years ago) he started dating her. Everything you said not to do, I did it, which made things worse for us. I compared myself to the girl, threatened to beat her up, etc. That made him more angry because he feels I’m the blame for us not being together anyway. I tried the no contact rule, which only lasted for about a week each time because he either ends up calling my house, cell, job, or coming to my house. I tried moving on and dating someone else. I didn’t feel comfortable with the new person and he didn’t accept me dating someone new, as it made him very angry. He tells me all the time he loves me and will always love and care for me. He wants to give me another chance but is scared that I will hurt him again. I notice when I am calm and mellow and not bringing up the current situation, we get along fine. But when I ask about working things out and taking me back, he tells me he’s unsure. Also, for the four years we were together, we lived together. So we had a serious relationship; day in and day out. What do you suppose I should do. I’m confused myself. This is somebody I feel I am meant to be with because everytime we try to part and go our seperate ways, we end up back in each other’s lives.

  21. Sen
    March 29, 2014 | 5:50 pm

    Hey Chris,

    Its been 3 months since my ex suddenly broke up with me.. I have been on NC for 3 days now when my dumb ass went to stalk his twitter and there i saw he tweeted that he has a girlfriend.. My heart broke all over again. I felt so sad and cried for like 2 hours.. I want him back so bad, But i lost all hope now chris.. I really did. Especially because he said he’d never date anyone ever again after our breakup well what a bullshitter he is isn’t it? He doesnt own me anything, He is allowed to have a new girlfriend or date or like somebody else. But this new girl is not a rebound? And I dont think NC will work when he has that new girl on his mind..Like why the heck would he wonder where i am when its been 3 months since the break up and when he has a new girl?

    What do i do chris?

  22. Kalyan
    March 29, 2014 | 10:49 am

    me and my boyfriend been dating for a year & half. We recently broke up for about 2 months … We’re on a off & on relationship… I really do love and I would hate to have to start over with somebody else. He was my world ! I did everything and anything for him . We broke up at least 6 times because of other females ..he would talk to other females for about a month or two and then he’ll realize that he only wants me .. My friends and family tell me all the time to just “move on” .. It’s easy to move the hard part is what you’re leaving behind… I just want him back and I don’t know how to get him back .. He tells me that he won’t be gone forever that he will come back to me , but he just don’t want to be committed right now & that he just need space to himself & he just want to have fun

  23. Rida
    March 28, 2014 | 2:25 pm

    Hey i really need ur help! Its been 3 months since my boyfriend and i brokeup! We had a fight! For a week i pretended like a brokeup with him but we used to talk normally everyday nd he begged me to come back i had no intentions to hurt him i just wanted him to realise his mistake because he alwayz kept on repeating it!
    Then after a week i told him i love you nd he told me how happy he was that i came back!
    But then i dunno then d next day he was lyk he wants to breakup because r parents wont allow us to get married nd he even told me that he still loves me! Nd d day after i checked his fb wall nd came to know that he was in a relationship! I even asked him y he did this! He told me that he is taking revenge from as she is her ex with whome he brokeup 3 years ago nd i know how much he hated her! But den i dunno y he went in a relationship with her!
    D frst month i was broken + angry nd i used to scold him etc nd he never told me anything he just used to tell i broke ur heart nd u have all rights to tell me anything!
    But after 1 month i told him i want him in my life as i love hom a lit nd cant live without him
    He too told me that he loves me nd he will come back just that he wamts sometime! I agreed
    But den just 2 weeks back i just changed so much he told me that plz dont wait fr me i cant come back!
    But i cant live without him i really love him a lot nd i want him back in my life!
    I am going to my home country after 3 months nd we live in d same building so i guess its a plus point fr meI just cant wait to meet him!
    I really need your help plz tell me what to do :(
    Will wait for ur reply!

  24. Lysha93
    March 27, 2014 | 11:01 pm

    First off, I just wanna say that I have never wrote on a blog type thing before so please bare with me as I try to explain my story.

    So my boyfriend of about 2 years broke up with me FOR REAL on feb 1st (we had been on and off for about 6 months). We had issues, we fought alot over really stupid stuff and he had been telling me that I was smothering him and the like. I tried my best to back off but im a woman and im retarded. So about 2-3 weeks ago we had a falling out and he ended up blocking my number and saying he never wants to speak to me again. So of course im angry and bitter and whateve. But I accepted it. Then I messaged his mom on facebook (i had moved in with his mom and him and we lived together for about 9 months before I decided to move out) and I very polietely thanked her for taking care of me and that I was sorry things werent working out with him and I. She was of course very sweet and told me sge missed me and she said something that will be forever in my mind: “Nate doesnt hate you, but I do feel he has moved on”. Once again, I was crushed. So I sent him a very nice message on facebook, apologizing for being psycho anf whatnot and thanked him for the experience and said I had no hard feelings for him. About 3 days ago, he put on his facebook (which is rare, because he hates facebook and hardly posts) that he was put with some girl. I did what anyone would do in that situation, I creeped. I couldnt believe that he had moved on so quickly and cared about me sp little. He never did reply to my message and I deleted him from my friends list. It hurts way to much. So here I am, blocked number and dealing with a new amount of pain as I learn that he may or may not be interested in yhis new woman. Im trying to move on, im trying not to care. But im as low as I think I can go. I do want him back, and I have NOT contacted him since I sent that message about 2-3 weeks ago. I am attempting the NC rule. But im not sure if its gonna work… Please help. Thanks.

    • admin
      March 28, 2014 | 4:31 pm

      Ohhh you are my favorite. Any time I can make someone write on a blog when they never have before I love it.

      Tell me, what is your worries with the no contact rule? Lets work through those.

      • Lysha93
        March 28, 2014 | 10:20 pm

        Well I really worry that he will forget about me and never choose to ynblock me. Im afraid that if I dont contact him he will fall in love with this new girl. Its hard to explain.

  25. cutegilly79
    March 27, 2014 | 8:12 pm

    Why on earth would anyone want their Ex boyfriend/girlfriend back? Move on and find someone new you are compatible with.

    • admin
      March 28, 2014 | 12:13 am

      Because sometimes people can’t find anyone else that they are compatiable with.

  26. Jasmine
    March 27, 2014 | 6:50 pm

    Hey I’m just writing to see if you have any advice that could help me please. My ex broke up with me in January just out of the blue after we had been planning to buy some land build a house and move in together…I’m also currently due to have his baby in Less than 2 weeks on top of it. This isn’t the first time we’ve broken up either the first time he told me it was coz he wanted time to himself to get a job and stuff I was

    • Jasmine
      March 27, 2014 | 7:27 pm

      Sorry had to edit my other comment I hadnt finished writing it. Anyway to add to it the first time he broke up with me we got back together within 3 weeks we had lunch went to the movies and he tried to put his arm around me like we were together still we got back together the same week i think then things were as if we had never been apart again. Until january when he txt me saying he was sorry but he couldnt be with me that he would still be there for me and his baby girl and he wasnt in love with me and we should see other people, we went to the movies and stuff in the weeks after it and he never mentioned getting back together in fact quite the opposite. Then I would get late night msgs and phonecalls from him and even a late night visit where he insisted on bringing me a midnight snack lol anyway after that i’d still hear from him every couple days or so and one night he msgd me saying he was bored did I want to come over and watch a movie I hesitated then said ok, got there we watched a couple movies and he tried it on with me but I didn’t give in that time. A couple weeks after that he rings me up late asking what I was doing and stuff then ends up telling me he misses me and it would be good to lie next to me I told him it was his fault he missed me he said he knows he ended up picking me up and we had sex that night and cuddled things seemed like we were never apart again he picked me up the next night again then all of a sudden he ignored me for days, until early this week I was angry and mentioned it to him and he changed the subject..bumped into him at the shops and he had a bunch of flowers in his hand for someone didn’t talk to me til yesterday and I had already found out from a friend that he was out with another girl a few days ago. I confronted him saying I felt like he used me for sex, he told me he was Sorry and that he had wanted to try again but his heart wasn’t in it I also mentioned the girl and he admitted he’s been ‘hanging out’ with someone and the only reason he didn’t tell me was coz I’m so close to having the baby he didn’t wanna put stress on me and apparently nothing has happened yet so he had no reason to say anything, I didn’t know what else to do I completely flipped told him I hated him as well I never wanted to be acting like the psycho unbearable ex but I don’t know how else to react to all of this. So hurt he could do this

  27. Crystal
    March 26, 2014 | 10:21 pm

    Hi, me and my boyfriend were about 8 months together, he lives abroad. During all this time together, we lived together for 2 months, it was great for both of us, he called me his wife, introdused me to his parents,said he wants to have a baby with me, made everything for me to be sure that he is the one. We havnt seen for 4 months now. About 2 months ago he started to have some problems which i was always supporting him. 2 weeks ago i suggested to come and see him, he said its not a good time for him to see because he is going trought some bad times. I accepted and said i will give u all the time u need for him to be ok again. A week ago i started to notice that one of his female friends started to spend time with him, going to the cinema, parties together, she even wrote on her instagram page that she is “taken”. Im 99% sure that they r together, but i never asked him nothing about dat. During the last to weeks he barely called me, was cold and gave different excuses why he didnt pick my calls. He never broke up with me yet and neither me said anything abt the girl. Im planning to do the no calling perioud any time from now. Not going to pick his calls or reply his msgs. Is this a good idea that will make him understand the stupid thing he did and wonder why i dont reply him, will it make him miss me? Pls reply how should i act in this case. Thank u.

    • admin
      March 27, 2014 | 11:26 pm

      I think right now it is a good idea for you. Have you read my updated version of this guide?

  28. natalie
    March 24, 2014 | 10:53 pm

    my ex told me that he wants to see me and himself living without each other in our lives to show himself that we are capable of living without each other… (we are in a period which we try to decide on where to do our phd’s, and he chose to stay in my collage for master to be with me and did not satisfy with it, he doesnt like the school etc. so he says that he wants to decide on his phd and make his mind about his future without thinking about me))) he said that he have so much responsibilities and he could not take ours anymore and because we have been dating for 2 years he said we became much more alike and stop doing things that we do separately because one of us didnt like it. he sad that he was thinking about this for months but could not tell me so also his love has diminished. so we broke up but stayed friends because we are working together. after 2 weeks I have learned that he was with another girl, and I asked him about it and he said it was just a girl who is interested in him, and rather than being alone he chose to hang around with her (cause he has no friends-its true). he said he doesn’t care if the other girl thinks they are dating and call him “boyfriend” it doesn’t mean anything for him because from now on he is going to be the person who only thinks himself and wont care anything else-he said. the girl is completely the opposite type of his taste, (because we were also friends for 5 years I know him very well) and everybody says that he is doing it because he really wanted a change that this is a type of rebound relationship. I really don’t know what should I think and do, because we have to see each other at least 3 days in a week and work together, I cant do the “no contact” period…or I don’t have to do the text part because we are talking constantly, but I am trying to do the other tips that u gave, but the thing is my school ends in 2 months and I am not sure to do my degree in our school or a new one, and afraid that because we wont have to see each other after 2 months he wont think about getting back together even he wants. I don’t know what should I do….

  29. phxEx
    March 24, 2014 | 5:14 pm

    I broke up with my boyfriend of 6 years we had be living at his parents house for 3 years I know ridiculous!I found that he was cheating trying to set up online hookups! I packed my s*** up and moved in with the parents, after a week he tried to explain what was the reason I found emails with other girls he explained to me it was his insecurities. I told him I need time to think I took me about 2 months,he was angry that I had left the house and moved in with my parents And he will never forget that i decide to leave and take time while he wept in his room for days,he said he was going to marry me! And begged for me not to leave but I said no I need time, after 2 months i saw his relative told him i had feelings for him still so his relative told him what I said , like I planned it I knew what I was doing and what I wanted. So decided to meet up made contact and cried practically begging kiss hugged but distant and fragile weird vibe and we decide to take things slow i went over to his parents in one week we went out we hung out and hooked up 3 or 4 times and then all of a sudden he said he didn’t know what he wanted,that things won’t be the same , so I cry he wasn’t sure what he wanted broken yet again ,so I said fine don’t call me don’t text me and if we see each other, then whatever and hung up the phone that was may 6 then I come to find out that he’s been hanging out with his middle school sweetheart, I haven’t made contact since May 6 , I was his h.s sweetheart he cheated before .I there any future with this man child and I’d his rebound his new to be wife, or should I just lay it to rest?

  30. Cassandra
    March 18, 2014 | 5:55 am

    November 8th 2013, my ex of two years left me. I was six months pregnant (my daughter was born Jan. 22nd 2014 and I let him be there for the birth cause she went up for adoption), on November 10th 2013 two days after he left me he started dating another girl… He left me for her before. Anyways my ex and I still talk, he wants me in his life as a friend but I can’t just be friends with him, I want him back. He plays head games with me and says “I miss you, I’m not over you or I can’t not talk to you” but he has never said he loves me and the closest thing he says is he still cares… and then he says “we can’t ever be a couple again blah blah blah” and I just want to know what I should do to get him back. I thought about no contact but what if he doesn’t care, it’s been five months and I just want him to leave her for me, he was my best friend and he tells me I was his. I asked him if he loves her and he said no and he doesn’t know why he’s with her and he’s just bored he guesses…. I’ve asked so many relationship experts on what I should do to make him come back to me telling me he loves me and stuff but no one will help me, I’ve been searching for five months now all over the internet on what to do… But they all want money and believe me if I had money I would try out the books but I can’t and that’s where my search usually ends… I just need real advice one on one just someone who know what to do to just help me without trying to sell me things all the time cause I can’t. Please, if not you then maybe if you know someone who can. Thanks for reading.

  31. HighSchoolSucks X(
    March 15, 2014 | 8:53 pm

    I realize this is “how to get him back if he has a gf” but, what happens if the reason I lost my boyfriend is because I cheated on him?

    It wasn’t as far as sleeping with the other guy, just sexts. After a while I had to stop contact with “Zach” and he felt guilty too, but after a month or so (and my boyfriend “John” and I celebrated one year together,) Zach wanted to text again. John had always trusted me so I felt obligated to be honest with him. I showed him Zach’s recent attempt to contact me. John was upset, but told me that he “knew I was a better person than that”, “trusted I wouldn’t do it again” and that he loved me, “I was a teenage girl, we make mistakes” and “it was ok.”

    Somehow we each got busier and busier, found less time to spend with each other outside the stresses of school. John works a lot for his age, handyman jobs. He made a halter rack for one of his friends “Morgan”(an ex might I ad) and I guess she and I were somewhat of friends too. She wanted him over to help hang it. I guess I showed too much unrest that he would be with her- I didn’t want to lose him because I knew that things were fragile between us. But he just kept bringing up the fact that I was the one “‘talking’ with every other guy”. He said it as a joke. But every time he brought something like that up, he just kept adding more and more disapproval of it.

    Within the next week or so, he broke up with me- still wanting to be friends because of the issue of rides to and from school.

    Sadly, I wasn’t thinking- and had no thought of researching our current situation. I had no idea about the “no contact” rule.

    It’s been about 3 weeks, is it too late to start no contact?

    And how bad have I made things by talking to John about his new girlfriend, “Lexi”? (She is the sister of one of my friends. She is two years older than us, and was also cheated on by her boyfriend.) I’m not sure how long they’ve known each other, he’s just told me they’re in 4H together. They went mudding a week and a half after John and I broke up, (sadly I learned from a friend who thought it was me who was with him) and they’ve made it known to most that they were together about 5 days after that.

    John and I have liked each other since sixth/seventh grade, too shy to express it to each other, flirting and getting together within the upcoming years. I had been through so many guys- I was alright with breakups, but I’ve never felt the way I did when I was with John.

    He’s had his heart played with by so many girls, and we’ve had our ups and downs too, but we made it further and became closer than either of us had been with anybody else.

    I am still close with his mom and grandmother, and speaking with them in church- they have explained that they believe he hasn’t been acting the same, and John’s only told them that he and Lexi were only friends. They believe he still cares for me- but I have a feeling I hurt him too much for him to come back.

    He has strong beliefs, staying faithful to who he’s with, and I was the first one he’s ever dropped- the previous girls always did it or it was mutual.

    I’ve tried asking friends and family on what to do
    It’s split down the middle of each party
    “Give it some time, you’ll both figure this out” or “maybe it’s best and just wasn’t meant to be”
    I’m having a hard time believing who is right, considering both sides include very honest people – and when wearing makeup I’ve been both called “pretty” and “slutty.”

    I need advice on whether I should just accept John and I as friends, or start the long painful process of trying to get him back. I know I should fight for what I love, but I care for him so much I only want him happy- whether we’re together or he’s with someone else.
    And I’ve been wearing the necklace he gave me for Valentine’s day, and on it- the ring that says “love” that he got me for our one year together. Should I discontinue wearing it?
    Thank you so much for taking the time for reading this and for any other advice you have!

    • admin
      March 18, 2014 | 4:53 pm

      Have you read my page on cheating??

      • HighSchoolSucks X(
        March 18, 2014 | 10:46 pm

        Yes I did. I read every page I could in any way related to the situation. Basically I got out of them; don’t talk to him, stop apologizing, play nice with Lexi, and through the few days of no contact – his mother and I have discussed that he is utterly clueless

        John’s mom agrees he has seemingly been acting troubled and he won’t talk about anything so there may still be feelings between us and Lexi may just be a rebound
        but because I was in Lexi’s position only a year ago (John and I were friends, I waited on the side and helped him through the break up) It’s a little unsettling to envision her waiting in line a few weeks until we fell apart.

        I just don’t want to go through the entire process of showing him I love him and then his stubbornness telling him to walk away and to go through the pain again.

        But I want to thank you for all the time you invest into this site. It helps so many people; every article increasing calmness and assisting in focusing on what needs to be done next. Let me just say, you’re amazing and thank you so much. Hopefully this “no contact” helps him see and I won’t need to bug you anymore with my extremely long comments! ^.^”

        • HighSchoolSucks X(
          March 22, 2014 | 4:34 pm

          Hey Chris,
          Thank you for writing advice that helps so many women. I’ve been doing No Contact for about a week now, and I know after about a month I should be the one to text John first.
          The whole point of the exercise is for him to miss me, correct? I’m not sure what to do now because my BEST FRIEND was trying to “help” by telling him why I wasn’t talking to him, I wanted him to miss me, etc.
          He responded to her, annoyed, and told her he wasn’t going to play any games.

          Do I still continue No Contact now that he knows what’s going on, and his stubbornness won’t let him budge? Or do I move on to texting him?

          • admin
            March 23, 2014 | 4:41 pm

            ….. your best friend… dangit.

            Just keep doing it. Even if he knows whats going on it can still work.

  32. Karla
    March 14, 2014 | 1:58 pm

    Me and my ex broke up 3 months ago (almost four months) we were constantly talking and occasionally met up and had sex throughout this period because he claims to still “love” me and I really still love him. He doesn’t want to be with me right now and won’t give me a legit reason why but he’s not the type to sleep around or have a rebound relationship and hasn’t really got a reason not to be with me. It’s frustrating because no matter what I said or did he kept pushing me away telling me he couldn’t be with me. His friends and family don’t particularly like me anymore due to lies he has told them and they keep telling him to not get back with me and move on- and he seems to be listening to them. However he told me to wait for him and then decided that it was unfair on me to wait because he didn’t know how long it would take for him to be with me. However, when I started my 30 days no contact he wouldn’t stop messaging me. And when someone told him I slept with someone else (which I didn’t) he cried like a baby down the phone and slagged me off. He then realised he was being a dick and the person was lying and apologised to me. I started the no contact period again and he saw a picture of me with someone else- assumed I was in a relationship and then continuously messaged me about it for four days- all of which I ignored. He used emotional blackmail to try and get me to reply to him. He then eventually realised that I was doing some form of no contact and said he was going to do the same and blocked me. Will this no contact really work? After all he did pour his heart out and tell me he wanted to be with me “one day” or is it just time to give up on him and stop letting him mess with my head?

    • Ashley
      March 19, 2014 | 4:31 am

      OMG…..I’m going through the exact same thing you are. WOW! When I read your story it’s identical to mine (except having sex with him) to the tee. And I can’t find any answers to my problem…….

    • jem
      March 19, 2014 | 1:35 pm

      Now you must take the next step and start going out looking hot and appearing at social events with a hot guy.

  33. Jay
    March 12, 2014 | 12:57 am

    I was in my first serious relationship with someone I cared deeply about. We dated for six months. We had to break up because of an incident that happened at school. I told him when I broke up with him that I liked someone new. And told him who it was. He didn’t even cry when I broke up with him but I talked to him on Facebook and he told me he cried. He has a new girlfriend. I was talking to him a few days ago and asked him why he was dating her. He said he wasn’t going to answer that. Then I told him I miss him and he said if its worth it I don’t like kissing her and then I said I miss you again and he said stop saying that. I could tell he was getting emotional.Him and his girlfriend have dated before. They dated before me and him went out. I think all she is, is a rebound. I need advice. Should I get him back. Or let me be with his rebound.

    • Jay
      March 12, 2014 | 12:58 am

      Or let him be with his rebound.

  34. Jessie
    March 11, 2014 | 5:23 pm

    Thank you so much, you’re really helping me I was in a 13 year relationship and I am more than sure that he left because he was in love with someone else.. But I want him to regret what he’s done I loved him and he nevcr did it before.. But if he does come back I will make him prove he’s trust worthy but the way I feel atm I don’t think that there is much chance I have been ignoring him at the advice of friends but almost a month ago I did break the rule but that was almost a month ago. I have already been bettering myself losing weight etc because for a whole month I lost my appetite now I have nearly lost 2 and 1/2 stone.

  35. Melyssa
    March 11, 2014 | 5:56 am

    Me and my boyfriend were together for almost 4 years when we broke up 2 months ago. We have a 3 year old son, so the no contact rule is out of the question. He doesn’t have a “girlfriend” but he is screwing her. She was a friend since b4 we met and I always had a bad feeling about her. When we started to have problems she was also in the starting process of a divorce. I can’t help but feel like there is a connection. But as much as I regret it we still sleep together every once in a while. He says he will always love me because of our son and that there might be a chance of us gettin back together but that he has strong feelings for her too. It’s like they are each others rebound, but I’m the one stuck in limbo trying to change the problems I caused b4 and he is screwing someone else. He didn’t even give himself time to really morn his everyday life with his son… I miss every little thing about him, he said he misses me to but not the fighting and that it is so easy with “her” because she doesn’t “bitch” at him. I don’t know what to do any more … Sometimes I feel like what’s the point in fighting for someone who doesn’t want to fight for me. But then I remember the good times and how good he was with our son and I miss those moments … :(

  36. Lala
    March 10, 2014 | 11:55 pm

    The two questions: How to understand a male’s mind(I want to know what’s going thru his mind about the breakup) and How can you tell your ex is over you (and not trying to get back with you for good)?
    I including my long boring ass story too it…

    So here’s my story:
    I just got out of a three year relationship with my ex fiancé. Long story short, my insecurities and jealously over every little thing ruin our relationship. I broke up with him three month prior to our separation. During those three months, he try to get back with me but I really didn’t acknowledge it and we kept living our lives. New years roll around which was a good short period for us. Two weeks later we got into a little argument and I told I hated him. I didn’t mean it and apologize greatly for it. He forgave me. Everything seems normal until I ask him do you want to get back with me. Usually he says yes but this time he said no. He said that he didn’t want to be in a relationship. Shock but I blow it off thinking he was just a little mad with me. Then it started…
    Week one- Everything was normal until the end of the week he went out with his friend all day w/o me knowing. He never did that and I started to get worry so…

    Week two- I beg to get back with. I started to show all the emotions I was hiding for him all this time during our relationship. *i don’t like showing my emotions to anyone. His altitude got worse…he locked his phone, went on “long walks”, hang out with more of his friends, and the sex stop…. I was feeling extremely sorry for myself so…

    Week three- I beg even more…made big ass promises and (I feel really bad for this so please don’t judge) I gave him an ultimatum.  I was an emotionally wreak and felt like a piece of shit so I told him if he didn’t get back with and leave me, that I was going to hurt myself. He call my mom and she talk to the both of us. The next day (valentine’s day) he never came home. I saw him at work (we work and live together) and he made short conversation with me. When work was over, he never came home until the next day. He grab his stuff and never came back.

    Soo the end result: I acted like a crazy bitch and I lose my ex boyfriend.

    Only time I see him is at work and he ignores me. Im about to quit my job because the emotions are too overbearing (I am stable enough to quit work…thank god) and I want to move on. He now stay at his friends house which is a female with two kids…and shes single and flirty and worst of all, they have a great communication with each other. I really wish I would of find your site when week one started so I could of done the separation the right way instead taking matter into my own hands.

    But the breakup is weird to me a little bit…
    I drive his car around, 90% of his stuff is at our place, on his Facebook, he still has relationship status up and a pic of us together?, but most of all my mom said when she talk to him she stated that he was”planning on getting back with me”. I don’t know if she telling the truth because when I try to have the closure talk with him, he denied he ever said it. ACTIONS SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS so I believe him. Also during that talk, i apologize for everything that happen the day before Vday. He said he still cares but he just wanted to be friends…he doesn’t want to be in any type of relationship. I told I didn’t want to be friends and the talk ended.

    After that conversation, I went immediately to no contact rule hoping your strategic will help. I read all your blogs expect the long distance and kids one. I have hard time putting those two questions above into effect so I’m lost right now.

    Humm… Wait…this is a long and I probably boring you!

    • admin
      March 11, 2014 | 4:45 pm

      You should check out my latest guide… seriously!!

      • Lala
        March 12, 2014 | 5:25 pm

        What is the latest guide?

        • admin
          March 13, 2014 | 2:46 pm

          what to do if an ex blocks you

          • Enna
            March 18, 2014 | 2:14 pm

            Hi Chris, where can I/we find this latest guide on what to do when an ex blocks?

            • admin
              March 18, 2014 | 4:08 pm

              I am still working on it. I went on vacation for a week so I am a bit behind.

  37. Gabby
    March 9, 2014 | 9:57 pm

    My x asked out my x best friend and now I want nothing moreb than for them to break up I use to chill with them and they talked about kiss in and all and I swear I almost through up. DISGUSTING. I want him back so much I don’t know y he like her she is in a grade lower than us I just want him back and I don’t care Joni get him back even if it means getting dirty

    • Gabby
      March 9, 2014 | 9:59 pm

      I’m still friends with me x he flirts and all but I do if that mean he like me.

    • admin
      March 10, 2014 | 5:48 pm

      She said yes????

      What a horrible friend.

  38. jemma
    March 9, 2014 | 8:49 pm


    I wrote on this page a few months back after breaking up with my ex after 2 and a half years of being together. He basically ended it with me and 6 weeks later was with someone else but was still sleeping with me at the start of their relationship, cut a long story short we cut contact after I told the new girlfriend but they stayed together and moved in to a flat together. We didn’t speak since the start of December and I was ok, moving on, then recently I’ve been really really missing him. The other night he randomly out of the blue without talking to me in 3 and a half months turns up at my house late at night after it all kicked off down a pub and he got beaten up AND his gf told him she cheated on him.. along with his new gf punching him like 6 times and when he was driving, shes the ultimate skank. He turned up, he had lost 3 and a half stone in weight, he looked so ill. He explained to me he hasn’t been happy in months, shes made him so ill, shes a nutter, she left him passed out at a bus stop when he was rushed into hospital, didn’t go up to see him, she just got on the bus and went home when he was put on a drip in the hospital. Basically she’s made his life awful the past few months but he can’t leave because he does love her and they have a lease on the flat until July. He has to have an operation soon, it’s scaring me. I cried my eyes out seeing the weight he’s lost, she has literally ruined him. He wants out but can’t because of the flat. I want him back and he knows that, but he told me today he’s giving her the benefit of the doubt and sticking it out till the lease is up and seeing if she changes. She’s made him so ill and its scary because I can’t do anything about it. He stayed at my house the night he got beaten up and we ended up sleeping together.. I feel like I’m back at square one and we have just broken up again, I want him back but he’d told me to leave him to make his own choices and I can’t contact him. He says he still loves me and will always have something for me, I’m so down. I want him back, I only want him, seeing him and seeing the state and how bad he is I just want to make him better, I asked him if there was any chance of me and him in the future and he said who knows what’s gunna happen in the future. Ahhhhh I really don’t know whats going to happen! He admitted he jumped into it so quick and made a big mistake but yet he’s staying with her!!

    • jemma
      March 10, 2014 | 8:25 pm

      Pleasee help me!

  39. Jj
    March 9, 2014 | 4:01 pm

    Hi Chris,
    Your advice would be very much appreciated! This is a very long story but ill try and keep it brief so not to bore you. Ok so I have been separated from my ex fiancé for 4 years now but I’m struggling to move on from him and even though I have dated two other men since our relationship I struggle to get him out of my head. We split up just before he was due to go to Afganistan as we were fighting partly due to him going away and me being worried and other stressful things happening around the same time such as moving house and having to move back the wedding. After he had departed I broke my phone and as I was moving I had no landline or Internet so didn’t speak to him for over 2 weeks. Once his tour was over he came over… One thing led to another and then before I knew it I had miscarried our baby. He by this point was back living with his parents over an hour away and didn’t really support me. Anyway it’s been 4 years and every few months he will contact me or facebook me.. He recently sent me pictures randomly out of the blue on watsapp.. So clearly he still has my mobile number.
    I’ve just seen he has a new girlfriend and that they are going on holiday tomorrow… I know for a fact he was single at Christmas so this new relationship is moving quite fast. I need advice… Do I go and meet him and clear the air if he contacts me again.. Do I need to delete everything and move on? I’m so confused as I know that if we got back together it could work… We never had any major arguments before the stress of the tour and his now out of the army so I believe it could work.
    Any advice even if its negative would be greatly appreciated! Thank you so much. Love Jj xx

    • admin
      March 10, 2014 | 5:42 pm

      How long has he been dating the new girl?

    • Jj
      March 10, 2014 | 7:04 pm

      They got together in December but split just before Christmas as she met up with her ex boyfriend. They then got back together around the middle of January.

  40. maria
    March 8, 2014 | 8:04 am

    my boyfriend worded abroad, we have a 2 yr old daughter. we keep fighting because he has a short temper and says he regret that he chose me over his ex girlfriend. we’ve been together for three years, then he want us out of his house. so we left and stayed with my sister. when he arrived 2 weeks later she already had a new girlfriend, and now he wants me back. we fought because i got mad that he had a girlfriend and even let her stay for 2 nights. i physically hurt, very bad. now he doesn’t want to be with me and stayed with his new girlfriend. what should i do to win him back? i love so much, i regret every second that i physically abused him, it was the first time i did it, and he says he’s afraid of me. please help. i him back so badly

    • admin
      March 8, 2014 | 7:20 pm

      How did you physically abuse him?

  41. Anonymous
    March 8, 2014 | 2:08 am

    (edit; sorry so many mistakes I made in my other post on my other one, haha)

    Hey Chris, I was just wondering if you could help me out; My ex and I were together for 7 months we lived together and saw each other mostly every night and day, we both really loved each other he’s 19 years old and I’m turning 18 (we have known each other since we were little kids) when I found out he had a new girlfriend I sent hate messages ro both him and her I didn’t stop for about a month! She then started sending me hate messages and I then said “Look sorry about all the things I have said about you I hope you and (my ex) are happy together, then blocked heron facebook.

    I haven’t tried contacting my ex boyfriend in about a month almost 2. i think it’s been that long anyways. My ex and I also dated in the past when I was 15, that relationship lasted 5 months; can I get my ex back a 2nd time? Or did I mess up and is he gonw for good? I haven’t heard from him in like 3 months… Anyways back to my story(you can read it if you want)

    we broke up 4 months ago because I fell pregnant and sadly lost the baby I broke up with him first over the phone twlling him “don’t come back here, I don’t want to be with you anymore. I regret doing that.

    The next day he came to home crying I told him “I’m sorry and that I didn’t mean to break up with him and that it was a mistake I love you I’m sorry I’m just angry and depressed” he then told me “i love you, I always will but after you breaking up with me and all the stress going on about being pregnant and losing the baby has hurt me to much, I’m sorry I love you and I want to remain friends.” He then kissed me then left.

    We tried to remain friends but 3 weeks after breaking up with me I found out he was dating a 14 year old girl (so theres 5 years age difference) who use to date my ex’s best friend but left him for my ex. They have now been dating for 3 months but she alwaya breaks up with him then takes him back. So, do you think theres a chance we can get back togther a 3rd time even though I messed up?

    • admin
      March 8, 2014 | 7:13 pm

      Whoaaa… 14 year old girl?

      That’s not going to last.

  42. mima
    March 6, 2014 | 9:04 pm

    I left my boyfrind (who i loved so much) 3 years ago..after i left him he showed me that he wants to get back but i refused and i told him lets stay friends..3 months ago he called my a romantic call and i understood that he wants to got back..But after his phone call i heard that he is with someone slse..he knows that i want him..and i can do nothing he is with her now…

    • admin
      March 7, 2014 | 6:58 am

      You had your chance though? Are you sure this isn’t a “I want what I can’t have?”

      • mima
        March 7, 2014 | 7:31 am

        Iam asking my self this question anf
        And i think i will find the answer soon…but why he called and dhowed me that i still mean something???

        • mima
          March 7, 2014 | 7:36 am


  43. Elle
    March 5, 2014 | 12:36 am

    Hi Chris,
    My ex broke up December last year. I knew he had a gf before our relationship started. But somehow we both develop feelings for each other and started dating secretly. He tells me he loves me and has feelings for me. But eventually we broke up. He could not leave his other gf not unless he found something else wrong, he told me to keep us close friends even though there is love between us and that he still has feelings for me. What is your advise. I want him back but I want it to be only me. Help me please

    • mima
      March 6, 2014 | 9:08 pm

      Tell him that if he agrees ….then go for it..if he doesn’t that means he us not man enough to deserve your love

      • admin
        March 7, 2014 | 6:59 am

        I wish there was a like button for this comment ;)

        • mima
          March 7, 2014 | 7:35 am


  44. Keiyetta
    March 4, 2014 | 1:31 pm

    My ex left me for another woman after being together for 9 years and we share 2 kids together. The funny thing this isnt the first time. He has been seeing this woman for a while behind my back cheating. This is a woman that no matter what she will take him in no matter what. I just found out that he is with her and is cheating on her with another woman also. am so tempted to tell her but I will keep it to my self. She chose to be with my man so she can deal with what comes with it. I know I shouldnt want him back but a part of me do. I miss our good times with our kids and family. I dont know what to do. He says he have love for her and she doesnt argue with him. He says they can communicate with each other. I felt hurt when he said that but then I realized I need to let him go but I still miss him.

    • admin
      March 4, 2014 | 6:45 pm

      I am so sorry to hear this. He just left you and your kids out of the blue or were there signs that this was coming?

  45. Meganj
    March 4, 2014 | 8:26 am

    What would you suggest in my situation. My ex broke up with me 7 weeks ago. for the first three weeks he still called and texted most days and we saw one another, as friends and to “talk about things”. I refused to get sexual but we snuggled and slept in the same bed. I was emotional but also honest and said I didn’t want to break up and couldn’t we work something out. He kept saying no, so I requested and implemented no contact for three weeks. Then I called and said I still have some of his stuff and that I would like to check in. He said yes. Called back to confirm, suggested a time and place and we made a date for a week later. Which is Wednesday. He emails me today to let me know, “so it wont be awkward” that he has started seeing someone, but he would still like to meet up if I would. While I appreciate him letting me know that I don’t know what to do. I really love him still and want to have another chance at our relationship.

    • admin
      March 4, 2014 | 7:03 pm

      Have you done anything to rebuild attraction?

  46. Erin
    March 3, 2014 | 8:49 pm

    What are your thoughts on being in contact with an ex while hes dating around and seeing other people.

    • admin
      March 4, 2014 | 3:20 am

      No problem as long as your building attraction and making him realize how much of a mistake it is that he isn’t with you.

      • Erin
        March 5, 2014 | 8:12 pm

        My ex revealed to me that the reason why he broke up with me was because he felt I didnt appreciate him that much. Is there an article or do you have any pointers to show him that I appreciated him. It was just hard for me to show him that at the time because of what I was going through. We were having really great communication for a couple weeks and that went completely sour for him because I got really defensive and scared and told him to leave me alone because a mutual friend and him got in a fight over me. Breaking my trust. I want to reestablish what great communication we were having but I feel like it might be too late.

        • mima
          March 7, 2014 | 7:44 am

          Do whatever u didn’t do…

  47. Kaylee
    March 2, 2014 | 12:26 am

    So my ex bf and were together 3 years. We broke up because I drank too much and acted stupid. Then a week later we hung out. Then he didn’t really talk to me and then for 2 months were back together and then he says i can’t make him happy. I did no contact for awhile and then saw him at a club function were both in. We started to text here and there a little bit. Not about us but just life and whatever. He’ll respond some days and then others he won’t. He says he’s talking to someone and that’s all it is. This girl has 3 kids and is going through a divorce. He has always told me be doesn’t want to date someone with kids because he has 2. I feel like I should go back to NC. I just feel like he’ll forget me and won’t miss me. I know I have to have him want me and miss me by being quite but it just feels like if I don’t say or do anything he won’t think about me. I don’t want to lose him for good to another girl. Everytime I see him at our club meetings he always looks over at me and smiles and laughs and is super sweet. I want him to remember all of our good times and feel like he didn’t when we were first together. He is my life and his kids id do anything for. I miss him so much everyday. Help!

  48. Sarah
    March 1, 2014 | 10:26 am

    Hi, I’m going to summarize my situation because I really need your advice. I was with my ex boy-friend for almost six years but, since we met when we were pretty young, there were always doubts about ‘being the one’. So, in one of these crises we broke up. I stopped talking to him but we met a couple of times because he wanted to see me. after these meetings a kind of escalation happened and he ended up begging me to go back with him. I said no because I couldn’t really trust him and because I had rediscovered that being by myself was not so bad. I started dating a new guy and I didn’t hear from my ex anymore for months. Then, one day I walked into him and something rekindled inside me. We started texting once in a while and he told me he has a new girlfriend (Who was actually a friend of him even when we were together). We started dating secretly and there were also a couple of booty calls. In the meantime I dumped the new guy I had started dating, but my ex doesn’t want to leave his girlfriend, even if he cheated on her with me and he evidently still has feelings for me. What can I do to get him back? Thank u

    • admin
      March 2, 2014 | 7:19 pm

      I am a little confused were the two of you running around while he had a girlfriend?

      Sorry the way you worded things confused me.

  49. Kat
    February 24, 2014 | 9:41 pm

    Hi. My boyfriend broke up with me a week ago. We were together for 3 years and a bit and this is the second time he broke up with me. He is older than me, divorced and has two children. We were together for a year when he broke up with me the first time. We both didn’t wan’t a serious relationship at that time as I came out of a long term relationship and he was badly hurt by his ex-wife. When he ended it, he said that he doesn’t love me or fancy me anymore and I did the stupidest things you can ever imagine…All big NO NOs like begging, crying,threatening to end my life, stalking , texting him and calling him all the time and even saying that I want to be just friends with benefits, just to get him back somehow… We slept together once…A week later, I found out that he fancied to another girl from work and that he wanted to date her… He also admitted they kissed. I was devastated, heartbroken…she was an absolute beauty and there was no way I could compete with her…I kept the contact to minimum and started to concentrate on myself. I lost weight – 10 kg to be precise but on the other hand, it did wonders to my confidence. I started to wear different clothes and also wore more make-up… We work together so I did “accidentally” bump into him and we went for a smoke few times…He commented on me looking really good and also that he’d noticed that a lot of guys from work are looking at me…I played it really cool and thanked him for his comments about my looks and also mentioned about the new things I started to do – like going back to my dancing lessons…few days later, he came to the office where I work and he wanted to print some discounted train tickets for his Mum and brother who were coming to see him and wanted to go to London for the Remembrance Day. He couldn’t log in into his account so I suggested to do it through mine and leave the tickets in his post box at work.That apparently made his day and his family told him that he was stupid to let me go. After this, he wanted to meet up and go on a date. I made it quite easy for him because I took him back straight away. Everything was great…He introduced me to his family and kids and I introduced him to my family and we started to make plans for our future together. Few months after we got back together, I was promoted at work. My workload increased and so did my stress levels. Our sex life changed as well. I was always tired and started to make up excuses, put on the weight back on which made me very cautious about my body and was scared that he wouldn’t fancy me anymore even after him reassuring me all the time that when he met me, I was actually bigger…It got into such state that he wanted to end the relationship probably around 4 times because of it but I always managed to persuade him and things were alright for a while. Then of course my mood swings came back again and I stopped concentrating on him and gave more attention to my work and my issues. I moaned all the time and criticized a lot, including his kids and family and even my friends and family. The thing is that I had a very good relationship with them, but he was always unhappy that his kids only wanted to talk to him when they needed money and so did his family. I always listened to him and tried to help him by saying that he needs to do something about it…So when he didn’t change his approach with them and he kept doing the same mistakes, I started to criticize…We were also making plans to move in together. Right before Christmas, he told me that he is not in love with me anymore and that if he feels the same after we come back from seeing his family, we should break up. I was devastated again but put on a brave face and behaved. Did everything right and even after his son ruined the whole Christmas for us, I didn’t say anything. After New Year, he told me that he realized that he still loves me and that he knows that I’m the one and that he wouldn’t find a better girl. We planned to tell his brother to move out of his apartment and I was going to move in with him. We planned a first family holiday together with his kids as well. After a month of us being happy, his brother’s girlfriend moved in with them after her husband found out about her cheating on him with my boyfriend’s brother. I stupidly made a big deal out of it and refused to come to my boyfriends apartment because of her and I also started to criticize everything as I used to…We went to see my family to my country and decided to stay few days with them and also spend Valentines in a spa to enjoy it. During this time, I didn’t pay him much attention, basically took him for granted and was complaining about everything a lot again. He didn’t enjoy himself at all. When we came back, he was very distant and few days later, he broke up with me for good saying that he doesn’t really love me and that he really, really tried, but he can’t see any future with us. He said that I’m very negative person and find faults everywhere and that we are not compatible at all. He mentioned about me criticizing his family, his son and his brother. I apologized for everything I said about his family and kids but he said that it doesn’t help the fact that he doesn’t love me and if he was going to get back together with me again, he would only make it for me, not for himself. He also said that he is very unhappy and he doesn’t want to get mentally unwell like he did after what his ex-wife did to him. I cried and begged again but let him go and didn’t text him until next day. I basically said that I understand his decision and apologized again for everything I said and did. Even his Mum sent me a text asking if I was alright. He broke up with me on Tuesday and we kept texting. We booked a holiday and that needed to be cancelled so we were mostly talking about that. We met on Friday because it was his Mum’s birthday on Saturday and I bought her a gift before he broke up with me so I wanted him to give it to her. He bought me my favorite coffee and also some baguette that day. He was polite and we hugged, he said that he knows he hurt me and the reason for bringing me the coffee and lunch is because he was worried about me and he doesn’t want me to get all crazy like I did last time when I lost so much weight. I played it cool and ended up the conversation by saying that I have to go back to the office. I then sent him a text thanking him for the coffee and lunch and wished him a nice weekend, asking him to send my love to his Mum and family. He replied saying that it was very kind of me to get her the presents and that he is sure she will love it. He then texted on Saturday saying that his Mum was very impressed with the presents (she texted me the same day thanking me as well). I replied again then I’m happy she liked it and that she certainly deserved them, also asking him to send my love to everybody. He then text on Sunday around 10am saying that his Mum had a great time and that she got drunk a bit and how funny it was. He also mentioned about his sister’s baby being ill and basically we exchanged few texts. I’ve spoken to my Mum and told her about us breaking up which made me really desperate and sad so I basically sent him a looong text about how I still love him and want him back and blah, blah, blah…I just couldn’t help myself…when he didn’t text back after 2 hours I text him again, this time apologizing for the last text saying that it was inappropriate and that I hoped he wasn’t angry…he didn’t text back until next day (today) afternoon saying that the reason why he didn’t text straight away was because it was heartbreaking and that I should stop apologizing. He again said that he tried really hard for our relationship to work but he is very unhappy and that he can’t see the future for us. He mentioned he needs space and that we shouldn’t be in contact for a while. He said that we can still stay friends but only if he sees that it’s not hurting me. I agreed with him and now I’m just waiting. Day 1 with No contact. I don’t know what to do. I really want him back and I know that I let him down many times. I pushed him too far this time and I don’t know how to get him back, how to make me love me again…We were really great together until I messed it up with my negativity and constant moaning…He said that I was the only girl he could imagine his future with after his ex-wife…I just can’t believe that he ended it so suddenly. I don’t even know if I still have a chance to win him back and how should I go about it?? Please help.

    • Kat
      February 25, 2014 | 11:55 pm

      Hi Chris, I know you get a lot of comments but I just wanted to know one thing. We had a deal before we stopped communicating that he would pay me off the money for the cancelled holiday we booked each pay day – which is next week Friday. It would only be 11 days of your NC rule so what shall I do when he sends me a text asking me to meet up so he can give me the money? Shall I just ignore it and wait? Please help :-(

  50. Aisha
    February 24, 2014 | 5:27 am

    My ex and I broke up over a month ago and when I went begging back he said he’d used me. I did no contact and he came back but he never apologized and I didn’t want to seem to have no respect by going back to him so I said no. He said he’d wait six months. It’s been a week since and he’s changed completely. He says he doesn’t want to date anymore, and he spends a lot of time hitting on many girls. We don’t talk, he doesn’t message and he says he doesn’t like me or anyone anymore and that he especially doesn’t want to go back to me. (all through a common friend) and when he thought I was going to move on with a different guy he said he didn’t care and that is was good for me to move on.

    How do I get him back? :(
    , , , , , , , .

    • tiffany
      February 25, 2014 | 11:15 pm

      my ex broke up with because im bi polar and like a week after he got a new girlfriend and she was one of my friends and I wont him back but I don’t know what to do any advice

      • marsha
        March 12, 2014 | 12:56 pm

        hey, this similar with me. my ex lately told me in the phone that bipolar is one of the issue too, that causing the break up. (that he never mention before. he said that he tried to be patient with my bipolar things but he somewhat failed and that he want to be with someone stable). So i hope chris will answer tiffany question. i hope it will inspire me.

        i have done the NC, and the messaging but when i’m in the phone stage, i’m failed (because he said he already had a new girlfriend, who lives in another island and it’s so far away from him: LDR things. he met her in facebook and i’m thinking that it is something that will failed: dating a girls that you met in facebook and lives miles away from you. sure the technology helps. but i’m not sure he can do it because i know his personality, he wouldn’t be able to do this, except it’s not a serious relationship ). we started to fighting (but not the kind of angry and shouting, we just argue. he doesn’t like to communicate with me because he has a new girlfriend now.). So i’m thinking what can i do? should i just started 30days NC (back to the start, or what?)

        NOTE: i live in asian (i’m asian) and i learn to speak english. i never went abroad. i know nothing about BS or booty call. can you explain what it is? because you always say those things in your article. what is BS? what is booty call? boot=shoe.. booty=shoe-y= something like shoes? booty call= calling with the boots on?
        is BS have something to do with PS? i love PS. So what is it? like.. BlayStation?
        okay, it’s a joke. don’t take it seriously. haha :D

        another question…
        what about culture? would it counts? Does your rule above the culture. i mean… every guy in the world would just the same or it just works for modern man? because i’m finally realize that we (me & my ex) both conventional. But we had different culture, so we sees something differently. there are so many tribes in my country and we are from different island but he move to my island to have a better living.
        i heard that people were build by culture, personality, family, and social life (environment)?
        so let’s say that all of your article are about common man, but what he doesn’t have in your ‘common man’ situation is.. he is different in culture and social life/environment. would it still be the same?

        i hope my question will not bored you because i think it’s too long. i’m already sleepy writing this long comment. gotta sleep :p

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