Has He Moved On? How To Get Him Back If He Has A Girlfriend

It can really hurt when an ex boyfriend (who you still have feelings for) seemingly moves on to another girl. For many women out there they lose all hope of getting their ex back. Others will get angry and immediately look to start or cause a fight. Rarely will you ever come across one that does the smartest thing, stack the odds in her favor! That is really what this page is all about, how to get your ex boyfriend back if he has a new girlfriend by stacking the odds in your favor.

If you haven’t already read my epic article on how to get your ex boyfriend back I suggest you drop everything for the next 30 minutes (yes 30 minutes) and go read it.

What You Really Want..

When I first created this site I wanted to create the best online resource for getting your ex back. So far, I feel I have done a decent job of that. However, as I started interacting with you I began to notice that what I was writing wasn’t enough, you wanted more. This was especially true for those heartbroken women whose ex boyfriends have moved on to a new girlfriend. I understand how you particularly feel because I have interacted with so many of you. So, I decided to do something I have never done before.

I began writing a “super guide” on how to get your ex boyfriend back. I am talking about everything I could possibly think of. Eventually after 100 pages of writing I finished Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO. Think of it like the ultimate step by step guide to getting an ex boyfriend back. It will teach you everything you will need to know. So, if you feel you want some more in depth instructions on how to get an ex boyfriend back then please click the link below:

Learn More About Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO

Remember The Most Important Thing

Before you take any major steps to getting your ex boyfriend back it is important that you implement the No Contact Rule. Now, I am not going to go too deeply into that. In fact, I wrote an entire page just covering the no contact rule and what to do during it. You can visit that page here: No Contact Rule Guide.

If you don’t have the patience to read that entire page let me sum up some of the most important points for you.

No Contact Rule Main Points

  • No contact what-so-ever for 30 days (1 full month.)
  • This means no texting, calling, emailing, letters, facebook stalking or Googling.
  • During your 30 day freeze out make sure you improve yourself both mentally and physically.

You may be wondering why learning about the NCR (No Contact Rule) is so important. After all, this page is about a very unique situation, trying to get an ex boyfriend back who has a new girlfriend. Well, the importance of NOT CONTACTING YOUR EX is crucial in this particular situation. The fact that your old boyfriend has a new girlfriend can be heart crushing and you are going to want to contact your ex very badly (and you are definitely not going to have many good things to say.)

How Did He Get His New Girlfriend?

New Girlfriend

(Disclaimer: I promised myself that I was going to use this page to legitimately help people. So, I feel that this section is important. While this may not be a section about how to get him back it is a section that is something I added in to prevent you from making a big mistake, going after a guy that will only hurt you very deeply again.)

Believe it or not but how your ex boyfriend got his new girlfriend matters in a very big way. I am going to outline three situations for you, two of these situations are going to focus on guys that you should be trying to get back and one of the situations is going to be focusing on guys that you should not be trying to get back. Let’s begin.

Situation 1- You broke up with your ex, realized you wanted him back but found out that he got a new girlfriend after the breakup. If you are in this situation then you are free to go ahead and try to get your ex boyfriend back.

Situation 2- He broke up with you and later got a new girlfriend. Again, this is a really common situation and you are free to go ahead and try to get him back.

Situation 3- He left you for another girl. He was either cheating or was in love with someone else. Ladies, I am going to be completely honest here, this guy is not someone that you should want to get back with. Sure, you can try to get him back but he needs to prove to you that he is trustworthy.

4 Truths To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back With A New Girlfriend


This section will explore some of the most important steps to getting back with an ex who has a new girlfriend. Admittedly you are at a bit of a disadvantage since he has moved on, or has he? Let’s explore!

Truth 1: Not contacting your ex is a must. Not only should you have implemented the No Contact Rule but you need to stay strong. Getting mad, breaking down and texting your ex a hateful message about his new girlfriend isn’t going to help your ultimate goal is it? Instead, be cool and don’t worry, every dog has it’s day.

Truth 2: It’s not always easy dating someone new. Especially if you came out of a relatively serious relationship. It may be entirely possible that your ex is uncomfortable in his new relationship. It happens all the time. This is one of the symptoms of what everyone likes to call a rebound relationship. This leads us to our next step..

Truth 3: Rebound relationships are relationships that usually form right after a breakup. Lucky for you rebound relationships don’t last forever. In fact, statistics show that 90% of rebound relationships are bound to fail. So, the odds are in your favor just make sure you keep your cool while he is dating his new girlfriend. Remember, if you freak out you are going to make a lot of mistakes and mistakes aren’t going to help get you two back together.

Truth 4: It is entirely possible that the further away from a breakup that your ex boyfriend gets the more nostalgic he will become about your relationship. Basically, instead of remembering all the bad things (like fights, disagreements or whatever caused your breakup) he will remember all the good things. This can definitely work in your favor.

How To Cope


It is not always easy to want someone back so badly and see them in another relationship with someone else. I put this section together to give you some advice on how to handle what you are feeling. Remember, just because he is dating someone new doesn’t mean your chances are gone completely. Sometimes men need to go out with someone new to realize just how good they had it with you.

Keep The Focus On You- Try your best not to obsess over his situation. You can’t control what he does but you can control what you do. Go out and have fun. Make new friends. Basically, just ramp up your social life so you can focus on the most important thing, yourself.

It’s Not Your Fault- Sometimes women have a tendency to believe that their ex started dating someone new because of something that they did or something that they could not provide. Dating isn’t always black and white like that. Whatever happens, make sure you don’t let an ex boyfriends actions affect how you feel.

Accept That There Will Be Pain- You are not a robot. You can’t just turn off your feelings. It’s ok to feel pain over the situation but once that pain starts creeping into your everyday life and effecting how you live then you have problems.

Beware Of The “I Want What I Can’t Have” Syndrome- This particular piece of advice probably should have gone higher on this page. Sometimes a select group of women will want their ex boyfriend back once they see him with someone new. If you find that you are in this situation be very careful about proceeding to get him back. You may need to go back and do some serious searching on whether or not you want him back for a legitimate reason.

Resist Any Comparisons- It is only human nature to want to compare yourself to the new (hopefully temporary) girlfriend. Are you better looking? Do you have a better personality? Comparing yourself to the new girl is not productive. You only hurt yourself in the process and that is not going to help your cause at all.

Are There Any Actions You Can Take To Help Your Cause?

actions to take

So far this page has really been about personal things that you can do to get your ex back if he has a new squeeze. Now, I want you to realize that I laid this page out that way on purpose. The fact of the matter is that a certain amount of this is out of your control. I mean, if you have found a way to mind control someone please let me know because I could put that skill to good use. However, in this section I am briefly going to discuss certain actions you can take to drastically improve your chances of getting your ex boyfriend back.

(Remember, these actions should only be taken after you have completed the 30 Day No Contact Rule.)

Watch For Trouble Signs- No one is perfect and this is especially true of relationships. Each one has it’s ups and downs. Your job is to keep an eye out for his troubles with his new girl and be there to provide support and remind him how good he had it with you.

Initiate Contact Via Text Message- Test the waters with your ex boyfriend via text messaging. There are a whole set of rules and regulations that go with texting an ex. I am not going to go into those here but if you want to know them then please visit this page.

Be Very Nice To Him And His New Girlfriend- If you are on good terms with your ex or you have tested the waters via text messages and gotten a positive response be very wary about trashing his new girlfriend. It may be tempting but however strong that temptation is you are going to have to avoid it.

Learn How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back
Put your email address in the box to the right to follow along day by day as I show two women (Sarah and Kai) exactly what they need to do to get their ex boyfriends back.
2,549 Responses to Has He Moved On? How To Get Him Back If He Has A Girlfriend
  1. mea
    March 30, 2015 | 7:54 pm

    Me and my ex had been going out for about 2 weeks but that sounds like nothing I know but it felt like forever anyway he abruptly ended it with we are better off friends and his mom said that it wasn’t working out anyway I still love him and want him back we never had the no contact rule because he already wanted to be friends and now we are best friends or so he says anyway the new girl doesn’t like me and here’s why because people say we flirt with each other all the the time that I cannot deny so any tips on how to get him back

  2. Georgina
    March 30, 2015 | 6:33 am

    Hi, 6 years ago I met my ex boyfriend, we had a relationship for a year and then broke up out of nowhere. About 2 years later after the break up we started talking again and it was getting serious (as I thought) but later on I found out that he had just started seeing someone else. He broke my heart for the second time. In the beginning of 2013 we started talking once again and this time it felt different… He was actually fighting for me… We were talking for like 9 months and then he just disappeared. We even went on vacation together that summer and everything was going good… or at least that’s what I thought. A few months later I found out that he was seeing someone else and they’ve been together since then. I’ve been thinking about him a lot and wondering if there is a small chance that we might get back together someday…or even if we will get the chance to talk? His birthday is in a few months and I thought about sending him an annonymous text saying “happy birthday”… how can I get in contact with him?
    Please help me! :/

  3. Anna
    March 29, 2015 | 10:26 pm

    So… I’m in high school. I’d had a complicated relationship with a guy for about a year. There were times when we were “official” and times when we weren’t, but we have always had a flirtatious relationship. Then half a year ago we both went to different schools. And we’d sort of stayed in contact, like I would go visit him and watch his games and meets, and he’d come to the ocean with me, but we didn’t see each other as frequently. The times we did see each other though, we flirted and held hands and were just all around close. The last time I had saw him, he and a couple of my friends had come and stayed the night at my house. We cuddled on the couch, I slept in his shirt, and I slept in the bed with him. Then, three months passed and we hadn’t talked too much, nor had we seen each other at all. All of the sudden I hear that his family is doing a car wash to support him going to nationals for wrestling, and I decide to go help. When I get there, he gives me a hug, as do his mom, dad, little brothers, and all his other family members. Then I notice another person there, and its a girl from his wrestling. I said hi, introduced myself, and this was her response: “Hi, my name’s *****, I’m (his name)’s girlfriend.” I was shocked but I played it off well and acted like it totally didn’t bother me. I helped his family for a couple more hours, and I talked to him once or twice, but every time I tried to even say a word to him, he’d guiltily look over at her like he was worried she’d see us talking. I’m really confused and I don’t at all know what to do… Any advice?

    • admin
      March 31, 2015 | 10:04 pm

      Have you even used the NC on him?

  4. Cheryl
    March 28, 2015 | 9:01 pm

    Me and my husband broke up a year ago I really want him back. But he’s now dating a new girl and I feel like all hope is lost. I wondered if the nc rule works if you have been broken up for so long, and also wondered if with the time frame that I actually have a chance in getting him back. This girl lost her house and has moved in with him and his mother so I feel like I wont be able to fix anything. I wondered what you thought of this.

  5. mel
    March 27, 2015 | 1:40 pm

    i am beyond devastated. I’ve been with my boyfriend for six years and was completely and utterly blindsided when he turned around and broke up with me. we live in neighboring states and i worried that him coming here mostly was the reason. a week prior to the break up we spent time together the day after valentines and he did not act distant, he gave me a gift, wrote me a card he was happy we were together six years and was eager to sleep with me. nothing was amiss. so when he turned around and said “i don’t think i should come out there anymore” i panicked. the next day i went out to see him and he told me “i’d love that” like it’d be positive.
    i spent over two hrs with him and all i did was cry but no matter what i said it didn’t make a difference. i asked him twice if he met someone else but he lied. later on i was online on a media site we both use and saw him talking to another girl. this girl lives in canada and i know this is why he broke it off with me even though he won’t say. i have no idea how long they had been talking but he was always coming to see me and we were talking, no fights, nothing and it’s like being slammed into by a truck.
    how do you you leave someone you’ve been in a relationship for six years for a stranger? someone you haven’t even met?

    he’s struggled a lot in his life. both his parents died with a couple of years of each other. and he’d always say how i was there for him for it. he’s also always stressed and worried he’ll end up homeless and he worries about work and how he’ll pay for or get through school.

    i don’t know if talking to her is some sort of escape for him. my mom keeps telling me i was more invested and the relationship was one sided. but i can’t believe he has zero feelings left for me? he told me we could be friends and at first i said i needed space and he said he understood but after a couple of days i texted him trying to work things out but he wouldn’t. finally agreed to try to be friends even though it’s a tremendous shock. he doesn’t text me unless i text him but for the past two days i have not texted him

    i am so completely lost. i’ve never felt this much pain in my life. i’m reeling and feel so hopeless. i don’t know what to do and need help. i feel like as long as he’s talking to this girl he’ll just forget me

    • admin
      March 29, 2015 | 2:46 pm

      Well lets put you back together first before we work on getting him back.

      Sound good?

  6. Patricia
    March 24, 2015 | 11:54 pm

    Hi. I have read almost all of your articles and let me just say that they have definetly boosted my confidence about myself and getting my ex back. Although i am still unsure. Let me tell you about my issue. me and my ex boyfriend are both 15 (9th grade)and have been together for a year. We have gone through thick and thin and we even broke up once before but that was in the third month of our relationship. He would tell me how special I was to him everyday and I’d make sure that he was happy and never down when I was with him. We talked everyday and night, no one could separate us.On the first of march my heart was broken by him. He told me that he didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore and that he just wanted to stay friends. I agreed. I later found out that he already had a new boyfriend that he met online not even two hours after breaking up with me( He met him on steam, the guy is in university, and lives far ). My ex says that he is in love with this man and it breaks me inside since he would tell me I love you everyday (even when he dumped me). I later discovered that the guy online asked him out, also, I had already been suspicious of this guy before since he was talking to my ex a bit too flirtsciously for my liking when me and my ex were still dating (the man even knew he had a girlfriend -_-, oh and BTW, both my ex and that man are bi if you were wondering.). I’m just wondering if you’d give me any tips to help me out in this situation? Will he get over it? I have begged my boyfriend to take me back and I have also swore at him which I later apologized for. I am currently in no contact and am treating myself and exercising whenever I can, it I’d hard but I hope I’ll soon have the strength to talk to my ex without being desperste. Do you think this is some sort of phase for him? Do you think he will come back to me? It would make me so happy if you replied. Thank You and have a good day!

    • admin
      March 31, 2015 | 7:05 pm

      Super glad that you have read a lot of my articles.

      What do you mean by phase?

      I personally think NC works better on younger guys b/c its never been done to them before.

  7. S
    March 21, 2015 | 3:31 pm

    Hi, I am a complicated situation.

    My ex and I dated for about 5 years and he was the most gentle and polite person ever and we truly were in love with each other. We broke up an year back but both of us were not over each other at least till December (i am still not over him). While on the break, around september, he said yes to an engagement with a girl who has been pursuing him for years. However, he realised he still wasn’t over me and called it off within 2 days. After that, he started emotional contact with me all by himself and told me he felt really guilty for have said yes to her even though we were on a break. We started talking again and both of us confessed we are very much in love with each other but things are not exactly working out. He is the kind who gets scared of emotional situations and heartaches and runs away.

    Then we had a really bad fight in december when i found how he had compared me to that girl like comparing fruits, we had a very bad fight. He told me it doesn’t matter because he called off the engagement because he loved me which shows he chose me. But i was too angry and hurt at that time. He said ‘you are still mine’ and that ‘we will get through this’ and when he says these things, he means them.

    We stopped talking for a while but i realised if i wanted him to come out of his shell again, i’ll have to draw him out. In february, when i started talking to him again, he started ignoring me A LOT. He confessed he was talking to the other girl a lot and taking her calls at 2 am and meeting her all. I was very hurt but i marched on (i know, stupid!). He suddenly statred saying things will not work out between us because we are not compatible and we wont be happy together (we had discussed this before too but he was always open to trying to talk it all through, but this time he wasn’t).

    All through this time, he was behaving as the girl’s bf but had steadfastly refused to offer her any commitment and told her that no matter what happens, he would never stop talking to me. I, however, told him that i WILL stop talking if he chooses her and i wont stand by. He used to become extremely emotional when i would say these things till last month and said that i stood up for you even before her. I told him that he needs to at least let me in as a friend if he wants me to stay but he would mostly just ignore me completely. One day he said he likes her and will marry her, quite suddenly. I stopped talking to him there and then.

    This was about 2 weeks back. He didn’t even try to stop me or initiate conversation after he realised i really was gone. Then a friend of mine shared the news that i had accepted a date with an ex-flame and he got very very angry and upset about it and messaged me asking if i was dating him just because he hated the guy. I told him he needs to get over himself and everything doesn’t start and end with him. He never replied after that. He replies to my friend only when she feeds him some gossip about me going out on a date but otherwise ignores her totally.

    He still is acting like the girl’s bf, but refuses to tell her how upset he got over me dating my ex-flame and still hasn’t given her a commitment of any kind. The one issue i know has been creating problems between them was that he steadfastly refused to stop talking to me when she wanted me gone. But i made me ‘gone’ myself after he told her he likes her, so that shouldn’t be a big issue for him.

    About the girl – she is not that well educated or classy and i know for a fact that my ex likes class. He is even irked with her wrong usage of english from the very first day. She isn’t someone who is ‘exciting’ and i know he likes exciting but he thinks she is a lot more submissive than me, whereas i argue a lot (i know it sounds bad, but it isn’t as bad… he doesn’t want to smother me, but i was suffering from depression and i made a lot of scenes i shouldn’t have).

    Now he is upset and sulky about the fact that i am actively dating, but still refuses to get together. Whats happening?

  8. Ashley
    March 21, 2015 | 4:13 am

    I’m in a very new relationship; we started dating 2 months ago. We hit it off right away and have a lot of common interests while still being individually unique. His last relationship ended in August, and he says he and his ex are cordial and he sometimes invites her and her friends to hang out with him and his friends, and he says it’s totally platonic. Anyway..things were going great with us. We’d see each other a few times a week, and we always had a great time together. Last weekend his ex-girlfriend told him (in the middle of a crowded bar) that she regretted the way they ended things and wanted to give it a second chance. He tells me he told her no and that he was dating me, and he said the whole interaction with her was awkward. He then told me that- especially after that episode- he realized how much I meant to him, that it was put into perspective. The next day, I met his parents for the first time. And a few days after, he stopped texting me. I reached out yesterday and said “I know we didn’t really talk much yesterday, but I hope you’re having a great day! :-* “. He simply responded with a polite, “Thanks, you too!” And then, nothing. I am completely at a loss.. I want to give him space, because I’m sure the encounter with his ex has got him reflecting. However, I’m an over-thinker, and I’m afraid that if I execute the No Contact rule, he’ll get hurt and move on from me. I don’t want to fight fire with fire. Again, I’m just baffled– I thought things were going so well.. :(

  9. maria
    March 20, 2015 | 6:42 pm

    I’ve been dating this guy on and off for almost 2 years now (1 year 6 months) we were still on good terms and I can see he wanted to get back together but I didn’t because I wanted to see if he can change or prove to me he wasn’t gonna hurt me like he did. We still acted like bf and gf and we would even go to each others house to hangout like normal couple but this past Tues he started acting distant for 2 days and now he has a new gf since he unfollowed me on IG :/

  10. Jade
    March 18, 2015 | 3:09 pm

    I was with my boyfriend for 2 months ‘officially’, but we were dating for a total of 6 months. Even though it was short, he really thought we were meant to be together and we both felt like we were going to be in it for the long run. I got super jealous and as it was my first serious relationship I was quite immature. However, I always put him first and did everything for him and didn’t break up with him even when he didn’t treat me like a boyfriend should, because I wanted to be there to support him and because I loved him. We agreed to be friends after the break up and he said he thought we could get back together some time in the future but that at this time he wasn’t ready for a long term relationship because he was with someone for 2 years before me. but he kissed someone else less than a week later and then kissed her in front of me again a week after that. Then they were in a relationship less than a month after we broke up. They’ve been together for about a month now and he keeps tweeting how happy he is. He blocked me etc and unfollowed me on instagram (which is a significant thing for him to do) I’ve read through all of your relevant pages. I did some really stupid and horrible things after the break up so he was really angry with me (hence blocking me). Do you think there’s a chance of him ever wanting to speak to me again? Either as friends or as anything else?

    • kayle
      March 24, 2015 | 12:34 pm

      I was in this situation before. it’s really hard. but if you think about it it’s kinda easier for you by him blocking you bc you’re unable to stalk him. don’t stalk him, that’s what I did at first and it didn’t fix anything fast. just try to convince yourself that you don’t need him, if he’s not claiming you and treats you like that then he doesn’t deserve you, but as I was saying, it’s a huge possibility he still thinks about you. as I was saying with my relationship he dated the girl for 8 months and out of no where he started messaging me and then broke up with her and told me how he missed me all the time and that he never stopped loving me, granted I never took him back, only bc I was mature enough to see that if he did this to me then he doesn’t deserve me. and same goes with you. he really doesn’t deserve you. but you do have a chance. just don’t talk to him and act like you’re better off without him. he will hate that and miss you.

    • jeanine
      March 28, 2015 | 1:07 pm

      I know almost everything your going through because I myself just recently went through that and currently still dealing with it. we were together for almost 6 months and he said he wanted to be friends for reasons I’m not going into details. He told me he wanted me to be the friend that he can talk to me about all his girlfriends with and vice versa. And I also did some stupid horrible things after the break up but thankfully were still on good terms. And just recently he started going with this thing. hopefully he and I have our chance again but I’m happy that he and I are still friends as opposed to not in each others lives at all. But it kills me knowing that I’ve been there for him through so much in his tough time on life and I tried to help him get through that but he’s out putting some other chick as priority. Oh well, if I want to keep him in my life, I have to accept it. Just be there for him through thick and thin. Hope you get through your problem with ease as I do with mine and hopefully you and I both get what we want and back with our exes.

  11. Emelia
    March 18, 2015 | 7:13 am

    Me and my boyfriend have been together for 6 months and we were really happy together. A few weeks later he broke up with me and U was really upset. Three days later he asked me out again and I said yes to give him another chance. A week later I broke up with him and said that I had a lot of stuff on my mind and we could go out again after I have cleared so stuff. He said ok and we ended the chat. Two days later he was in a relationship with another girl. I tried to speak to him and his gf told me to go away and dragged him off. I tried texting him and asking if the relationship is going well and he said it was ok. We haven’t spoken after that and I’m on my NCR. I want him back but he is with his gf all the time, what do i do?

  12. Sweety
    March 17, 2015 | 10:06 am

    I and my ex-bf dated for 3 & half yrs..bt than he broke up almost 2yrs and he nw says he has a gf bt he started contacting me on the basis of sayg sorry to me and says i jst felt sorry the way i hv hurted you..sumwhr i always felt we are soul mates.. he calls me, texts me, we even met couple of sumtimes and he even says dat hez gf has stopped talkg to him and does not understd him.. and that things are even messing up between them since a yr..what should i undrstd??? are thr any chances between us?? does he like me??i serly like him.. and have strong feeling for future

    • admin
      March 18, 2015 | 8:47 pm

      You have the same chance as everyone in your situation.

      Itll be tough but its not impossible.

      • Sweety
        March 19, 2015 | 5:31 am

        bt the other day he has told me dat i shudnt wait for him and dat i shud move on..i feel hez trickg me by askg and wants to hear my views..if i have any chances shud i start applyg nc rule?? hez gone on a trip for a week.. and we even talkd before he left.. i had also left a safe journey msg in his inbox(so dat i m in positive note in his head d whole trip) bt i didnt recieve and reply..i m so confused :( i love him bt also i dont want to be his victim… how should i go abt?? are thr still any chances?? if yes when shud i strt nc rule?? also if i m on nc rule and he calls me wen hez back from trip than???

  13. tee
    March 17, 2015 | 9:18 am

    hi guys i have a bit of a complicated situation. i used to date this guy +6years ago. We broke up because i was way too young i was barely 18 and i thought the relationship was getting too serious for me so we broke up. We both moved on but recently started communicating. i lost my fiance two years ago and i have been single ever since. He has a fiance also but apparently things have not been good from what he told me. He says he always loved me and really struggled to move on after the break up. so now we are reminiscing about the past and decided maybe we can pick up where we left off. i also really love him but my issue is that i don’t want to be a home wrecker. The fiance saw our chats on whatsapp and things have not been the same, he is distant and weird but he assured me he loves me. he said he has always intended on leaving his fiance even before i came into the picture. but i cant help feel guilty……

    • admin
      March 18, 2015 | 8:47 pm

      Hey, if he is leaving his fiance it is his decision…

  14. Bereaved and heartbroken
    March 17, 2015 | 1:45 am

    My boyfriend and I lost a baby at 23 weeks gestation in 2012. We had been very close friends since 2007 but were in a relationship for a year and 2 months when I became pregnant. He totally freaked out saying he wasn’t ready, I refused to abort and told him I need to know NOW whether he still wants to be in the relationship or not. He broke up with me but agreed that I moved in so he could be there during what became a difficult pregnancy.

    I was severely stressed throughout my time living there because before long, he was constantly out late drinking with workmates and friends. One night he even stayed out with a ‘business contact’ and I was left to go to the hospital ER on my own as he switched his phone off. The next day when he returned home I confronted him and told him of my solo hospital visit. I then told him I wanted nothing further to do with him and that I would move out as soon as the baby arrived safely and be out of his way for good. He broke down and apologised profusely begging me and telling me he didn’t sleep with her; they just watched movies at home and he spent the night on her sofa. We had a series of talks and eventually things were a little less unpleasant. He started to behave a little better but our little girl died in utero only a few weeks later.

    After my miscarriage, he cut all contact with the woman he stayed out with but the drinking continued. We had been in counselling together before the miscarriage, he continued to come with me for a while after but then he claimed he no longer needed it so I continued to go on my own; he would drop me there and wait in the car or sometimes go home and return instead of joining the sessions. He said he didn’t want me to move out until I was comfortable and confident I was okay living on my own. We were sleeping in separate bedrooms. After many months, we started sleeping in the same bed again and got intimate on a few occasions. We went away for the weekend on two separate occasions and things seemed to be going good again but I was very cagey about letting him back into my heart completely as I was still grieving.

    After 10 months, I moved in to a new apartment just a short drive away from him. Bear in mind he was adamant he didn’t want me moving too far away as he wanted to know he could be nearby if I ever needed him. Although we still hadn’t got back together, I appreciated that as I was on antidepressants, still seeing a psychologist and still very emotionally fragile. However, my end goal was to focus on making myself well and leave him to get on with his life, given that he hadn’t shown any real signs of us getting back together. He continued to come over frequently anyway; I think he was worried that I was shutting the door completely. We continued to do fun things together – long drives to the countryside, dinners, visiting our daughter’s gravesite, among other things to preserve her memory.

    Fast-forward 2014 and I expressed that I still loved him and wanted us to give our relationship another chance. He came up with many ifs and buts, which i found rather painful at first but by June, I had decided I was just going to move on. In August, we went to dinner on his birthday, he seemed really shocked that I hadn’t bought him a gift nor made a fuss about his 30th birthday (very unlike me as I’m a very very happy and excited gift-giver…and revel in the joy of picking the perfect gifts for my loved ones). After dinner we went to a quiet spot for drinks and I decided to tell him why I had been keeping my distance lately. Long and short was that I wanted more between us and if he wasn’t willing to give that, I wanted out COMPLETELY. So all or nothing. After a long discussion, he expressed that he didn’t want to lose me and that he was happy for us to go slowly. I agreed to that.

    In December, he started acting a little weird as I questioned his intentions on taking our relationship to the next level. He then told me he felt like he wanted to be on his own for a while, without the full responsibility of a relationship. More time on his own at home instead of having to make specific plans to see me on certain days of the week, he just wants to go to the gym, work, hang out with the people after work etc without feeling like he’s neglecting me. He dropped the bomb…he broke up with me.

    We were doing good being amicable, still taking flowers for our daughter together and taking on the phone. he even came over a few times and watched movies at my place. Then all of a sudden, he stopped taking my calls and gave the excuse of being super busy at work for everything. I left him alone for 5 weeks, then I texted to see whether he wanted to take flowers for our baby. He said he was busy, I proposed a different date, he gave me some lame excuse about his car. So I told him to call. When we spoke, I told him it appears he no longer wanted to visit our child’s grave, what with so many excuses. He said, “of course I still want to go!” I then asked “Are you seeing someone?” Then very aggressively, he said “YES!”. I asked him why he lied about just wanting to be on his own instead of just telling me it’s me he didn’t want to be with. He said, “I was being honest at the time”. I said, oh so you’ve just suddenly met someone so damn amazing that all of a sudden you want to be in a relationship? He told me he doesn’t think he needs to explain himself to me. I said after everything we’ve been through, I felt like he should really be a little more forthcoming with answers. he then said, he doesn’t want to talk about it anymore. At this point he said he still wants to go visit our daughter WITH me but he’s just struggling with that at the moment and doesn’t know when he will want to go. I said goodbye and hung up.

    The next day, I packed the remaining things he had left at my place and took it to his office in a box. I didn’t want to go up so I asked the building receptionist to take it as I didn’t want to see anyone from his company. To my dismay, they said someone froths company had to come down to collect it from me. I panicked as I didn’t want to see him so I gave a fake name and company, knowing he would send his company’s receptionist down because he didn’t know the name and probably wasn’t expecting anyone. She came down…I know her as I worked with the firm briefly back in 2008. She was very upset to see what was happening and she then told me not to worry as it’s not going to last between him and the girl he’s seeing. It turns out that the girl he’s seeing works at his place and started the job 6 months ago. She broke up with he boyfriend about a moth ago and now she’s with my ex and they’re all over each other at the office ‘like cheese on a ritz’! I was partly relieved as she’s an immature 22 year old who I think will bore him easily once the ‘honeymoon’ passes but I was also very hurt that he’s avoiding going to visit our daughter because of some casual rebound trip.

    Maybe I’m just being stupid but I still love him and I hope that someday we’ll be back together…sooner rather than later.

    Do you think I stand a chance or has he moved on for good.

    • admin
      March 18, 2015 | 8:43 pm

      I would read the newer version of this article and I think theres a chance but do you think you can forgive him for leaving and dating a 22 year old?

      • Bereaved and heartbroken
        March 18, 2015 | 11:25 pm

        Thanks Chris. Please post the link to the newer version of this article you’re referring to.

        I really do hope we have a chance and I hope it won’t be long before he sees the error of his ways and initiate contact. As for forgiving him for dating a 22 year old, at the moment, I think I can forgive that given how much I love him and care about him. It just pains me to think he no longer cares about me and the memory of our child. We were great together and never had fights about anything… Yes, we had the simple disagreements about small things like in any normal relationship of course but those were few and far between and always easily resolved.

        I’ve decided not to initiate contact but instead to wait until he contacts me. I sure hope I’m not waiting in vain. In the meantime, I’m hitting the gym, hanging out with friends and family and getting on with the usual activities I enjoy. It’s ever so difficult but I’m doing my best to focus on ME.

  15. Pearl
    March 16, 2015 | 11:42 pm

    hi admin I have a problem I was dating this guy for 4 years everything was good then I got sick, he was there for me that time I was sick so I ask him to give me a break because I was feeling like he is taking all my burdens into his shoulder. then he gave me space, but he went back to date his ex girlfriend, but he is still coming to me sometimes, he call me once a week or after 2 weeks, So I want to know what must I do to win him back again. Just to bring our relationship back to normal because I Love him so much, we have alot in common. Because am no longer sick now.

    • admin
      March 18, 2015 | 8:38 pm

      Nc is a good start pearl.

  16. lucy
    March 15, 2015 | 4:35 pm

    Hai, my names lucy. My situation is I still love my ex, I recently found out he had a new girl within the time I have been busy n asked for a short break.
    I thought to go see him after everything settled and he told me he can’t let me go, and told me about the new girl friend. He was holding my hand when she saw us.
    He began to freak out and talk about her. She texted him while we were still together anD he showed me the text.

    I felt bad. Buh he didn’t text me for two weeks tho he would give me push home and give me emotional hugs. I told him not to contact me after she saw us because it hurt me too. He is hurt right now.
    Should I wait till he cools down or should I move on?

    • admin
      March 18, 2015 | 6:24 pm

      Wait till he cools down.

      NC is ideal for this.

  17. molu
    March 15, 2015 | 11:32 am

    I was in a relationship wid dis guy for 8 months. We talk n chat everyday . We share everything we were very happy with each other. One month back we broke up coz his school time crush came back to his life n he wanted to give himself a chance.yesterday he call up n told DAT girl accepted her n he was sorry for wat he did. He feel guilty for wat he did to me. Shall I forgive n move on or shall I wait for him???d funny thing is inspite of wat he did to me I still love him.

    • admin
      March 15, 2015 | 5:36 pm

      Check out the new version of this article please!

  18. barsha nayak
    March 14, 2015 | 10:19 pm

    Hey Chris…i used your no contact rule for a year. After breakup he blocked me in fb. But before some days he unblocked me and then again blocked me. I initiated contact with him through WhatsApp and now we chat with each other as friends. I get to know that he has got a gf and he told me that his gf is very dumb and he gets bored with him. What he mean? Do I have a chance of getting him back?

    • admin
      March 15, 2015 | 5:17 pm

      Umm… NC is supposed to be only for a month…

      • barsha nayak
        March 16, 2015 | 5:30 am

        So I dnt have a chance of getting him back?

        • admin
          March 18, 2015 | 7:03 pm

          I didn’t say that I just said it would be a little more challenging. Obviously there is no guarantees for anyone trying to get their ex back.

  19. arlene
    March 14, 2015 | 12:39 am

    my ex broke up with me two months ago and everytime he sees me he starts asking me questions so he said “have you moved on” and i didn’t so i didn’t respond back and he hates me saying i should move on. His sister said that he still likes me but we made a promise that we can’t date anymore and i want to apologize to him about yelling at him bc i insulted him so much and now all of his friends hate me. He lied to me so much and its really hard moving on. Advice?

    • admin
      March 15, 2015 | 4:28 pm

      Well, ideally you are just doing a NC rule.

      I would say complete it and you might be in a better position afterwards as opposed to one right now.

  20. Ju
    March 11, 2015 | 6:13 pm

    So I dated a colleague of mine for 3mths. Then he decided to go back to being friends as he didnt have those feelings for me. We did everything together, worked, hung out everyday. Everyone said we were perfect together and he was crazy about me but turns out it was me who was falling for him not the way around. I tired to be friends but it hurts too much. And now he is seeing a girl he met online :((( I am so upset as I see him everyday, I feel replaced and I am so scared thats it he will settle down and we will never get another chance.
    I really love him and know we would be great together but how do I make him see this. I am not ugly and he says I am beautiful and he loves my personality and would spend everyday with me if he could but he wont date me :(((

    Please help…

    • admin
      March 13, 2015 | 7:28 pm

      Well if he is saying that nice stuff to you but the actions aren’t backing it up then he is probably lying to you.

      • Ju
        March 15, 2015 | 9:12 am

        Is there anything I can do? I feel like quitting my job

        • admin
          March 15, 2015 | 5:30 pm

          Don’t quit your job.

          That would be an emotional move that you might regret down the road.

          • Ju
            March 16, 2015 | 4:34 am

            I should give him nc then?

            • admin
              March 18, 2015 | 7:02 pm


  21. Helena
    March 11, 2015 | 10:04 am

    So me and my ex were together just under 6 months, I fell deeply in love with him and I thought we were happy. I met his family and friends and we had a great time together until it started to go a bit pear shaped. I became quite needy and wanted his attention a lot more and at the end of feb he broke up with me saying I was the kindest person he’d ever met, he loved spending time with me etc etc but he doesn’t think I’m the girl hes going to start a family with. We met up a week after our split to talk about it and ended up having a great time laughing and joking, even laughing about our break up (?) we discussed his ex a lot and it became glaringly obvious he wasn’t over what she did to him and seemed to think if he let me in that i would do the same. We discussed it in a lot of detail and it was very emotional, but i left with my head held high as I knew I’d been the best i could be. I’ve never been bitchy with him or angry, i was initially hurt of course but ignored his texts/calls until i had calmed down.
    The break up knocked me for 6 though… We carried on occasionally texting about mutual interests after we met and then out of nowhere it was facebooked that he was in a new relationship (with his ex’s best friend!).
    I text him in a bit of a rage and just said “really?” he replied the next day a long message about how he didn’t do it to hurt me, its all moving quicker than expected and he didn’t know she was putting it on Facebook.
    We aren’t friends on Facebook anymore so I don’t see their activity which has helped.
    I have finally started to get over it all, been on a few dates but still really missing him.

    He text me this morning after about 2 weeks NC – a text meant for his current girlfriend! We don’t have similar names at all and with phones now I don’t see how you can text the wrong person back as its in feed format and not the old-school way you have to select who you respond to.

    Of course, I have not replied to the message and have no intention of doing so. My question really is – should I just give up on him? I am more focused on myself, my life and career but my reaction to this text kind of confirmed that I still love him and want him back.

    • admin
      March 13, 2015 | 7:12 pm

      He meant to do that on purpose.

      He is trying to make you jealous most likely.

  22. Ashlie
    March 11, 2015 | 4:30 am

    Hi my name is Ashlie and my baby daddy left me recently. We were together for 2 years and now we are having a child together. Are son will be here in 3 months (June 27th). He left and is now with someone else who has a son. They aren’t dating officially just yet but are talking. I’m really heart broken about this and would give anything to have him and our little family together ounce again. I’m not sure what to do or what I should do. My goal is to win him back before our son arrives I am just not sure how to go about that.

  23. alyssa
    March 10, 2015 | 1:49 pm

    Hello chris , my ex and I was almost 4yrs we’ve been together, and we broke up last novemeber 2014. He caught some sweet txt msg in my cellphone and he assume that i was with someone else while we were not together. So he doesnt get mad, He get even. And he and her gf was so very happy together while Me? im 4months pregnant and He just said that he doesnt want me back. He also said he loved his Gf so much, but seriously? He and his Gf is only 3months together and we? 4yrs :(
    does it possible that I can make him fall inlove with me again ? for my baby ? for our family ? :/

    • admin
      March 13, 2015 | 6:39 pm

      What do you mean he caught some sweet messages?

  24. Angela
    March 10, 2015 | 11:21 am

    My boyfriend has trouble talking to me because I assume the worse and get upset. I have worked on this and am much easier to talk to now. Problem is he lives in the past. He has lied, stayed out all night drinking and cheated twice. He cirrently thinks he may love his last cheat but its because he and I are so bad right now.
    We have a son together and my two girls from a previous relationship know him as dad…I have a forever love for him and know that if he were willing to try as hard as I am we could get our spark back and be a happy family.

    Any advice on what I should do?

    • Angela
      March 10, 2015 | 11:26 am

      Also we have been together 2 and a half years. Trouble started around my pregnancy. I couldn’t drink n party as much, I started settling down more and he rebelled. He loves me and the kids and I am willing to give him guy time I just wish he wanted to hangout with me more…keep the spark going. Because of the new girl I am hostile and begging him to choose me over here but he dwells on our issues and sees that things with her are easier. Please help

    • admin
      March 13, 2015 | 6:37 pm
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