Has He Moved On? How To Get Him Back If He Has A Girlfriend

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him.

I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator ” What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

It can really hurt when an ex boyfriend (who you still have feelings for) seemingly moves on to another girl. For many women out there they lose all hope of getting their ex back. Others will get angry and immediately look to start or cause a fight. Rarely will you ever come across one that does the smartest thing, stack the odds in her favor! That is really what this page is all about, how to get your ex boyfriend back if he has a new girlfriend by stacking the odds in your favor.

If you haven’t already read my epic article on how to get your ex boyfriend back I suggest you drop everything for the next 30 minutes (yes 30 minutes) and go read it.

What You Really Want..

When I first created this site I wanted to create the best online resource for getting your ex back. So far, I feel I have done a decent job of that. However, as I started interacting with you I began to notice that what I was writing wasn’t enough, you wanted more. This was especially true for those heartbroken women whose ex boyfriends have moved on to a new girlfriend. I understand how you particularly feel because I have interacted with so many of you. So, I decided to do something I have never done before.

I began writing a “super guide” on how to get your ex boyfriend back. I am talking about everything I could possibly think of. Eventually after 100 pages of writing I finished Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO. Think of it like the ultimate step by step guide to getting an ex boyfriend back. It will teach you everything you will need to know. So, if you feel you want some more in depth instructions on how to get an ex boyfriend back then please click the link below:

Learn More About Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO

Remember The Most Important Thing

Before you take any major steps to getting your ex boyfriend back it is important that you implement the No Contact Rule. Now, I am not going to go too deeply into that. In fact, I wrote an entire page just covering the no contact rule and what to do during it. You can visit that page here: No Contact Rule Guide.

If you don’t have the patience to read that entire page let me sum up some of the most important points for you.

No Contact Rule Main Points

  • No contact what-so-ever for 30 days (1 full month.)
  • This means no texting, calling, emailing, letters, facebook stalking or Googling.
  • During your 30 day freeze out make sure you improve yourself both mentally and physically.

You may be wondering why learning about the NCR (No Contact Rule) is so important. After all, this page is about a very unique situation, trying to get an ex boyfriend back who has a new girlfriend. Well, the importance of NOT CONTACTING YOUR EX is crucial in this particular situation. The fact that your old boyfriend has a new girlfriend can be heart crushing and you are going to want to contact your ex very badly (and you are definitely not going to have many good things to say.)

How Did He Get His New Girlfriend?

(Disclaimer: I promised myself that I was going to use this page to legitimately help people. So, I feel that this section is important. While this may not be a section about how to get him back it is a section that is something I added in to prevent you from making a big mistake, going after a guy that will only hurt you very deeply again.)

Believe it or not but how your ex boyfriend got his new girlfriend matters in a very big way. I am going to outline three situations for you, two of these situations are going to focus on guys that you should be trying to get back and one of the situations is going to be focusing on guys that you should not be trying to get back. Let’s begin.

Situation 1– You broke up with your ex, realized you wanted him back but found out that he got a new girlfriend after the breakup. If you are in this situation then you are free to go ahead and try to get your ex boyfriend back.

Situation 2– He broke up with you and later got a new girlfriend. Again, this is a really common situation and you are free to go ahead and try to get him back.

Situation 3- He left you for another girl. He was either cheating or was in love with someone else. Ladies, I am going to be completely honest here, this guy is not someone that you should want to get back with. Sure, you can try to get him back but he needs to prove to you that he is trustworthy.

4 Truths To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back With A New Girlfriend

This section will explore some of the most important steps to getting back with an ex who has a new girlfriend. Admittedly you are at a bit of a disadvantage since he has moved on, or has he? Let’s explore!

Truth 1: Not contacting your ex is a must. Not only should you have implemented the No Contact Rule but you need to stay strong. Getting mad, breaking down and texting your ex a hateful message about his new girlfriend isn’t going to help your ultimate goal is it? Instead, be cool and don’t worry, every dog has it’s day.

Truth 2: It’s not always easy dating someone new. Especially if you came out of a relatively serious relationship. It may be entirely possible that your ex is uncomfortable in his new relationship. It happens all the time. This is one of the symptoms of what everyone likes to call a rebound relationship. This leads us to our next step..

Truth 3: Rebound relationships are relationships that usually form right after a breakup. Lucky for you rebound relationships don’t last forever. In fact, statistics show that 90% of rebound relationships are bound to fail. So, the odds are in your favor just make sure you keep your cool while he is dating his new girlfriend. Remember, if you freak out you are going to make a lot of mistakes and mistakes aren’t going to help get you two back together.

Truth 4: It is entirely possible that the further away from a breakup that your ex boyfriend gets the more nostalgic he will become about your relationship. Basically, instead of remembering all the bad things (like fights, disagreements or whatever caused your breakup) he will remember all the good things. This can definitely work in your favor.

How To Cope

It is not always easy to want someone back so badly and see them in another relationship with someone else. I put this section together to give you some advice on how to handle what you are feeling. Remember, just because he is dating someone new doesn’t mean your chances are gone completely. Sometimes men need to go out with someone new to realize just how good they had it with you.

Keep The Focus On You- Try your best not to obsess over his situation. You can’t control what he does but you can control what you do. Go out and have fun. Make new friends. Basically, just ramp up your social life so you can focus on the most important thing, yourself.

It’s Not Your Fault- Sometimes women have a tendency to believe that their ex started dating someone new because of something that they did or something that they could not provide. Dating isn’t always black and white like that. Whatever happens, make sure you don’t let an ex boyfriends actions affect how you feel.

Accept That There Will Be Pain- You are not a robot. You can’t just turn off your feelings. It’s ok to feel pain over the situation but once that pain starts creeping into your everyday life and effecting how you live then you have problems.

Beware Of The “I Want What I Can’t Have” Syndrome- This particular piece of advice probably should have gone higher on this page. Sometimes a select group of women will want their ex boyfriend back once they see him with someone new. If you find that you are in this situation be very careful about proceeding to get him back. You may need to go back and do some serious searching on whether or not you want him back for a legitimate reason.

Resist Any Comparisons- It is only human nature to want to compare yourself to the new (hopefully temporary) girlfriend. Are you better looking? Do you have a better personality? Comparing yourself to the new girl is not productive. You only hurt yourself in the process and that is not going to help your cause at all.

Are There Any Actions You Can Take To Help Your Cause?

So far this page has really been about personal things that you can do to get your ex back if he has a new squeeze. Now, I want you to realize that I laid this page out that way on purpose. The fact of the matter is that a certain amount of this is out of your control. I mean, if you have found a way to mind control someone please let me know because I could put that skill to good use. However, in this section I am briefly going to discuss certain actions you can take to drastically improve your chances of getting your ex boyfriend back.

(Remember, these actions should only be taken after you have completed the 30 Day No Contact Rule.)

Watch For Trouble Signs- No one is perfect and this is especially true of relationships. Each one has it’s ups and downs. Your job is to keep an eye out for his troubles with his new girl and be there to provide support and remind him how good he had it with you.

Initiate Contact Via Text Message- Test the waters with your ex boyfriend via text messaging. There are a whole set of rules and regulations that go with texting an ex. I am not going to go into those here but if you want to know them then please visit this page.

Be Very Nice To Him And His New Girlfriend- If you are on good terms with your ex or you have tested the waters via text messages and gotten a positive response be very wary about trashing his new girlfriend. It may be tempting but however strong that temptation is you are going to have to avoid it.

What Do You Think? (3,074)

  1. Grace - 0

    Grace

    My ex-bf broke up with me 3 months ago. after about one month of NC, i contacted him, we met up, and ended up sleeping together… then we had a huge fight and stopped contacting for about two weeks. after that, we started meeting again as friends and ended up sleeping together again despite him insisting that we cannot do that anymore if we were friends. we continued meeting as friends (??) for about a month, when he suddenly broke down and told me that he was having a difficult time cos he couldn’t forget me, and that he couldn’t stop thinking of me everyday and that he still had feelings for me. shortly after, i found out that he actually had a new girlfriend for about a month from the time we reconnected for the second time.. i’m so confused now? i’m doing NC again and just wondering if this is just a rebound gf for him?

    Reply
    • Grace - 0

      Grace

      he first met the girl during that 2 weeks period where we were not in contact btw

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi grace,

      yes, looks like a rebound..when did you last talk now and are you continuing on improving yourself?

  2. Angie - 0

    Angie

    OK I’m at a loss and would love some advice. So here is what my situation is. I got with my ex about 8 years ago. We were together for 7.5 years and I broke up with him 6 mo ago, 6 weeks before our dream wedding. Basically his best friend started to talk to me privately about our relationship and how he thought we shouldn’t be together. Stupidly I listened and let his rhetoric get to me. It made me doubt my feelings. I have been divorced from my 1st husband for almost 20 years and have been petrified to get married again, but with him it was different. However those old fears were brought back to life by this “friend”. After I left I wanted to see him and talk to him, but this “friend” kept telling me it was a bad idea it will only keep hurting him (even though he had wanted to get back together) so I stopped contacting him unless it was something I absolutely had to contact him about. I didn’t want to confuse him until I was absolutely sure of what I wanted. I tried to date others but I couldn’t because he was the one I wanted. But as I was realizing what a mistake I had made I saw signs there maybe someone else now. It was confirmed by his “friend” that he got back with his ex because “it was easier and he needed to move on”. I eventually decided we still needed to talk about everything and heal from our experience. It started with emails back and forth when I found out this “friend” had went to him and told him a bunch of BS about me and things I supposedly did. It was based loosely on the truth but very exaggerated or out right lies. I asked that the three of us talk this whole thing out but apparently the “friend” didn’t care to. (Later he agreed to meet me alone for coffee though… hum) but ended up having a long conversation about everything with my ex. He told his new gf we were talking. He kept reiterating that he had moved on, but then admitted there are times where he misses me and things remind him of me. After that he started to like things on my FB page again and we talked somewhat. A week later we talked and he said that since we talked he’s been thinking about things a lot more so I finally came clean to him about how I was feeling. Laid my whole heart on the table basically told him I wanted him back and that I would do anything. Since then we have texted limited and he has agreed to coffee with me at some point. I have told him I don’t want to cross any lines with his current relationship and that it’s hard because of how I feel about him, but I want to be respectful. He has been on my FB page more and more. Also I found out that my best friend has been in contact with him and he has not shut her out regarding the possibility of working things out but he’s worried about my motives. At this point I feel really guilty that I’m basically trying to break up his new relationship, but at the same time if this friend hadn’t manipulated both of us we would be married right now and she’s obviously a rebound. At this point I’m trying to leave him alone and let him come to me at the same time I want to let him know I’m thinking about him because me becoming withdrawn, (due to feeling guilty about the conversations with his “friend”) and I want him to know I’m an open book. He’s worried he can’t trust me. What can I do? Thank you for taking the time to read this and for any advice you might be able to give me.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Angie,

      are you both still talking to that friend? does he believe you that what that friend says are lies? based kn what you said, it looks like you dont want to do nc, do you have any other plan?

  3. Bri - 0

    Bri

    Is there a good chance for us to get back together Even though he is in a relationship I really do still love him and we also just had our first baby I really hope me and him can get back together

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Bri,

      it has to start with yourself first bri..

      you had your first baby but he’s in another relationship? when and why did you break up?

  4. Steph - 0

    Steph

    My husband left in february. He find someone else. We actually find out he liea to her and me. To me cuz he didnt want to loose me and his best friend and soulmate. And her cuz he loves her and want a life with her but didnt want to have to choose between new girlfriend and me. Now i no she doesnt trust him even ask him how many time he’s been texting me. Where does he go when in town. He cant even go to the loo with his phone and turn off all notifications o his phone so she doesnt see if he had text or not. His been emailing me so she cant see. He has to show to her who text him during the day. We also have a daughter to which now he cant talk to without her being i the room. She think loves is enough and they will get throught that . How when i no he is still lying to her?? They even talk marriage when him and i didnt even talk divorce. Well just like it might happen?
    What does all that mean. I still love him but can i have him back? Why did he do that? Can they be happy? Can love as new girlfriend think be really enough?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Steph,

      he’s trying to fulfill different needs with the both of you.. I just have to clear something. Did you mean he’s trying to keep your relationship with him while hiding it to his new girlfriend?

  5. Maria - 0

    Maria

    My ex boy friend and I was together for 2 years and 4 months he broke up with me a few weeks ago and the next week he started dating this girl I stoped talking to him for a while then he started texting and calling me he says his not comfortable with the girl but he can’t leave her cuz he met her family from time to time he come and tells me about his problems with her and I just listen and understand him the problem is that he still say I love u to me and sees me behind her back and right now am confused about what I should do about this I need help or advices

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Maria,

      how are you now? are you going to do no contact?

  6. Vicky - 0

    Vicky

    My boyfriend of 18 months broke up because he had feelings for someone else, a spark he called it, even though he still loved me and felt like he needed to explore it. I initiated NC but he kept contacting me sobbing and telling me how much he missed and and I ended up breaking NC. He kept changing his mind and in the end i’ve had to unfriend him on Facebook and cut him out. We exchanged our stuff yesterday which was devastating, in some ways more so for him than me. He kept breaking down and crying, said he hated the thought of never seeing me again, he said he still loved me and we ended up saying goodbye for over 3 hours, 30 minutes was spent just hugging and crying by the door as neither of us wanted to let go. It was just crushing and then he said maybe I was right and he was making a terrible mistake. Do I stand a chance of him coming back? I’m going back into strict NC again but I worry it;s all too late and that if he wanted me he wouldn’t have been able to walk out the door even if he was crying.

    Reply
  7. Heartbroken - 0

    Heartbroken

    My ex boyfriend and I took a “break” that he initiated back in March due to us arguing over the littlest things..he eventually broke up with me officially in May and has a new girlfriend now. Im heartbroken over it because we were In a Relationship for 2 years and before that we were Best friends for 2 years..our families were close everyone knew and loved eachother..I thought for sure after this break and some space apart we would reunite and get back together and that he would give me a second chance, how could he move on to another girl, so quickly and btw this girl lives in another state..it’s such a weird situation..what can I do? We talked about marriage and being together forever. I just don’t understand men and why he would do this and I honesty do want him back. What is the purpose behind all of this? And why did he never give us a second chance?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi heartbroken,

      maybe because he only sees the negatives of the relationship..try to do what Chris advised here

  8. Anonymous - 0

    Anonymous

    My ex boyfriend and I took a “break” that he initiated back in March due to us arguing over the littlest things..he eventually broke up with me officially in May and has a new girlfriend now. Im heartbroken over it because we were In a Relationship for 2 years and before that we were Best friends for 2 years..our families were close everyone knew and loved eachother..I thought for sure after this break and some space apart we would reunite and get back together and that he would give me a second chance, how could he move on to another girl, so quickly and btw this girl lives in another state..it’s such a weird situation..what can I do? We talked about marriage and being together forever. I just don’t understand men and why he would do this and I honesty do want him back.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi heartbroken,

      maybe because he only sees the negatives of the relationship..try to do what Chris advised here

  9. prachiti - 0

    prachiti

    I hv been with my ex for 5 yearss. He was a great guy but in february i forcefuly got engaged to some other guy bcz of my parents but i was never confortable with him bcz of my ex . After tht i broke the engagement and thn also my ex was ready to marry me but bcz of my constant doubting of me on him he broke up with me and he moved on in life and since last one month we were not in a contact but yesterday my frnd saw him with sm other girl and wn i came to know abt it i ws fully shattered and my ex told me tht he is in a serious relationship with tht girl and will marry her in one or two years but he also told tht the girl is divorcee and he has no problem with it……i m feeling like dying plz help me…this is a worst situation…i cant l8ve without him

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Prachiti,

      try to do no contact now and just improve yourself but meet new people too.. aim to be an ungettable girl..check this article:The Ungettable Girl

  10. Anonymous - 0

    Anonymous

    Hi, my fiance broke up with me in the beginning of this year. We went through some hard emotional times and I got depressed. Basically I neglected the relationship. He never said anything was wrong but one day just said he doesn’t have feelings for me anymore. Turns out he had gotten close (even intimate) with a female coworker while turning to her for advice. He says he has feelings for her and sees a future with her, but still wants to be friends with me. There was a period of time after the breakup that we continued intimacy, but he says it was meaningless, that he didn’t feel anything during those times. He said that he thinks he continued to pursue the intimacy with me to confirm he has no feelings for me anymore. We have been living together and get along great, but the lease is coming up soon. I wish I would’ve seen this site sooner, because I feel like it may be too late… I’ve pretty much made every possible mistake since the breakup to try and get a second chance…. Is there still hope? What can I do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Anonymous,

      I think it would be better if you start nc after the lease but right now slowly ease into it by doing limited no contact

  11. Nikki - 0

    Nikki

    Hi there I am so in need of help its untrue!!! Here is my story
    I was with my boyfriend for a year and 2 months he is the greatest man I ever met we had everything in common had a laugh and fell madly in love. My boyfriends ex was emotionally abusive towards him and he couldent stand her but had to keep in contact for the sake of his daughter I know for a fact that he was always 100% honest with me and had no reason to doubt him. After we had been together 4 months I fell pregnant unfortunately our son was found to have multiple birth defects and I had to deliver him at 21 weeks this affected us both but just made us stronger as a couple. Anyway 2 months later I found I was pregnant again he wanted me to have an abortion because he was scared of it happening again but I couldent go through with it things were a bit tense between us but again we loved each other that much we were fine. Then 4 weeks ago my friends husband decided to take it upon himself to email my boyfriends ex and tell her everything I tried contacting my bf to which he text “mark told Dom everything leave me alone” I couldent believe it anyway he rang me and said that he had started seeing his ex again!!!! I fell apart but we agreed on meeting to discuss it when we met he kept crying and I said “what are you doing she maybe nice now but you know she will make you miserable again” and he said “I don’t know what I’m doing I know it will end up like before” then he told me he really loves me he misses me so much and dosent want to lose me whilst crying his eyes out, he said we need a plan so I agreed to forgive him and bear with him like he asked but now he is ignoring me!!!! What the hell!!! I have started the no contact rule on him now but I’m so confused why go back to a woman like that??? And leave me a woman he was in love with who is 4 months pregnant with his child ??! I don’t understand any of this I’m so confused I can’t eat I can’t sleep I’m desperate I’m so alone I know you are busy but please if you could help me. One last thing before no contact started he messages me saying that my friends husband was still annoying him and I said I missed him etc and all he replied was “the feelings never go away”
    Please help
    Nikki

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Nikki,
      that’s good that you’re in no contact.. stay strong in it.. if he wants to be involdved with your check ups that’s good and that’s ok but onky talk about that..other than that be busy with something else.. focus on you and your child..

  12. Anna - 0

    Anna

    I broke up with my first love after a year and a half because he started getting to possessive and i just wasn’t happy but after about 6 months i got into another relationship and that lasted about a year and a half also. I recently broke up with him three months ago. I lost interest in him. About a week ago I started having contact with my first love again and we are reminiscing about old times. For about 1 week straight we have been talking.We stood on the phone last night for 4 hours at 3:00 in the morning . He told me he still has feelings and fantasys about me . However he has a girlfriend now and although he has expressed his feelings, he told me he is falling in love with her and he met her parents the night before as well. Im extremely heart broken right now and dont know what to do . As much as I want to be happy for him, i cant . I cant help but feel jealousy and i feel it’s unfair because since we broke up , he has worked on him self and became a better version of himself .The relationship wasn’t all bad don’t get me wrong, but now she gets to have the person i wanted him to be along. I just can’t close this door yet.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hi Anna,

      hmm..maybe start by changing the way you think..so that you feel more light.. if he didn’t change, does that mean you would feel happy for the other girl because he’s still the same old person you left? Everybody deserves a good person by their side..

      Although I get it, you feel like why wasn’t he like this in the time you were together? But maybe that’s one of the reasons he changed.. in some way, you were one of the many reasons he changed for the better..

      if he is really happy with her, be happy for them

      We don’t own anybody.. although he is better than yesterday, he’s still not the best person..and if you chose him at the time when he wasn’t at his best, that means you saw something good with him at that time and now, take that to heart that you just have to choose a man today that has the same interests and values as you are and loves you equally too..

  13. Annette - 0

    Annette

    okay so i’ve got a big one for you :/ please help me.

    So i moved 300 miles for this man away from everyone i’ve known. moved in together and lived together for 6 months before my best friend sent me screenshots of thier sexting. When confronted he confirmed. then he dumped me when i wanted to work things out, but convinced me not to move out becuase i had nowhere to go. okay so we did that. im still living with him, its been another 6 months since the break up and since then i’ve gone through a lot and he’s always been there. I am currently undergoing chemo and hes taken care of me durring some pretty uncomfortable times. And he’s constantly telling me he “cares” I need my best friend back. i mean he’s still my friend but only my friend and it kills me when he dissapears on nights like tonight. His birthday is comming up and he’s spending the night with his current girlfriend. i have no idea how long they’ve been together. he trys to keep that stuff to himself. I would really like to get him back. Can you help me?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Annette,

      hmm.. do you have any other friends there or are you strong enough to live on your own?

  14. Leechi - 0

    Leechi

    Please guide me..
    We were in relationship for an year. My bf were in a relationship before and after meeting me he start relationship with me. But he didnot tell me about his gf, when I came to know he broke up with her ex gf. Everything was fine between us but sometimes I kept on fighting with my bf because he didnot tell me about her at the first place.
    Our fights kept on increasing and now I came to know that he start relation with her again.
    He said that she is understanding and doesn’t fight with me. That’s y he wants to live with her.
    I tried to save my relationship and promised him that I will nt fight. But he is not listening to me.
    Now he is in relation with her.
    I dont know what to do. If he had really loved her then why she left her because of me.
    I really love him. What should I do?
    Will he ever come back?

    Reply
  15. Becki - 0

    Becki

    my bf (34) and I (40) broke up 2 weeks ago. We had been havng issues the last 6 months. He had a hard time in the fall and i stood by and supported him. I also lost my job due to a merger (i was with the company over 20 year). I slipped into a depression about 6 months ago and pushed him away. We decided to break up, it wasn’t easy and I am still upset about it. I have always been a hard worker and over achiever, I am finishing my bachelors degree but not working put me into a deep depression.
    Here goes – 2 days after we break up he met a new girl and 4 days later they made the public announcement on FB that they are “in a relationship”. She messages me on FB to tell me about herself (weird i know), she told me she is 5 years sober (not sure why she wanted to share that with me). I took the high road and wished them well.
    He reached out to me yesterday because he is coming over today to get his things, and he began going on and on about everything that went wrong, I agreed. I know he was looking for a reaction, instead I told him I just want him to be happy. After he picks up his things I will immedialty be implementing the NC rule and will not repond to him for the mininmun 30 days.
    I am taking this time to focus on me and my self improvement.
    Here is some info on the new girl – shes 28, 3 kids (all with different dads), lives with her alcoholic parents (its a small town), she smokes (which he hates), she has a tattoo on her chest that runs up her neck (nothing against tattoo’s, i have one), she has some legal issues – contempt of court, public intoxication, disorderly conduct and just last month driving under suspension.
    She is complete opposite of anyone he would ever date.
    Is this a case of classic rebound?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Becki,

      yes it is..

    • Becki - 0

      Becki

      To add to this – he was suppose to pick up his belongings this past Wends evening. He texted me Tuesday to confirm, replied wth a short “yes, 6pm is good”, he continues to text me apologizing for posting his new relationship on FB and said he hoped that I would forgive him, he continuned to point out everything that I did wrong (he didn’t mention his fault in this). I did not react, i simply responded with “I have no hard feelings for and I just want you to be happy”. The next day he was suppose to pick up his belongings and he called and said something came up and could we reschedule. I told him the sooner we get this over with the better. He wants to pick his stuff up next week now. I thought I was ready to see him, however now I do not think that I am. I am debating on contacing his sister and taking his stuff over to her house. Why is he stalling?

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      maybe he’s nof ready to see you yet..don’t contact his sister..just let him be

  16. Noelle - 0

    Noelle

    Hi,

    I was with my boyfriend for 4 years. About a year ago, we broke up mutually due to arguing and long distance. 6 months ago he reached out. We started talking, but I was standoffish. He told me he missed me and wanted to start talking again. As of about 3 months ago he started pursuing me heavily, asking me to move to be with him, telling me he loves and cares about me and wants me in his life. He told me to let my guard down and to trust him, so finally I did. A week later I agreed to see him, we had a great weekend together and were intimate. Days later I asked him what he wanted to do next and he said he can’t commit right now to anything due to intensive month of studying ahead for medical school. I said I understood and would give him the space to study, but wanted to be exclusive because we have too much history and I care too much to be halfway in. He told me he wasn’t seeing anyone or talking to anyone, so I shouldn’t be concerned about that, but rather the fact he wouldn’t have time for me like he thinks I deserve. Well, since then I’ve started seeing a girl post several pictures of them doing things together. He is still reaching out to me, but not as often and I have become distant to protect myself. What should I do from here? I care about him again, but I feel like he is being dishonest.

    Thanks.

    Noelle

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Noelle,

      does it look like they’re more than friends?

  17. Agnes - 0

    Agnes

    we had an emergency call and he showed me he misses me, he said he feels bad about his life and feels drained by people around him, except me….i don’t know what to think anymore, still what an idiot i am!
    moreover a freelance at his work says he is super flirty with her and she wants to try to date him…maybe it’s her vision, but still, it’s going from bad to worse! going back to NC and will wish for a miracle

    Reply
  18. Sarah - 0

    Sarah

    My boyfriend of 4 yeara left me for a femail friend out of the blue 3 weeks ago. Ive had a terrible year and neglected our relationship. Hes was in constant contact until 3 days ago when i asked if he was happy. He said he was torn. I asked if there was any chance if us getting back together. He said no as it had gone too far with the new ine.but didn’t want to lose our friendship. I think hes been seeing her a few minths1 while continuing our relationship. Do you think i have any hope of getting him back? Im so in love with him.still. i blame myself for his going off with someone else who was therw for him.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sarah,

      if he’s torn, then there is.. do.you want to start active nc?

  19. Tessa - 0

    Tessa

    Goodday..

    My boyfriend broke up with me a month ago due to he said he had feelings for one of my friends but i don’t think it’s about feelings for her i think he wanted to get away..We we’re together for 3years but before that he and my friend also dated for 4months but she cheated on him numerous times..We had so many memories and fun times together in this 3years it makes it harder to let him go…The girl he’s with now doesn’t have any self respect.She had sex with 3 of his bestfriends and also had sex with his ex boss for a pack of smokes…He lived with me and my parents for 2years we were one big happy family,although sometimes we had our fights…

    We we’re happy but the past 6months we fighted a lot due to he always said he couldn’t handel my mom anymore..every time me and him had our differences she interferes ,we couldn’t sleep next to each other or go out alone for the day..5minutes on being out she will call me and say we must come home we never had our privacy…She also maked it an regular thing to tell him he will never have the previlage to marry me one day or to give me kids…But what she thought was the opposite of what i thought he’s the one i want to marry one day and to have kids with..

    I don’t know if he really loves this new girlfriend or is it just an rebound…The day and week before he left me he still said he loves me and every day when he was at work he will message me and say he’s missing me or he will come and vissit me by my class where i study he also kept asking me if we can run away together or just get our own place but i needed to Finnish my courses before i can move out luckily im Finnishing on the 1ste of September..

    I’ve implemented the no contact rule for this whole time but everyday i miss him more and more but to afraid to make contact again scared i can’t get him back..2 weeks after our break up his old Facebook account we’re deleted and a new one was created but i was blocked from it(think it’s the new girlfriend).He also drive’s past my house regularly. This new girlfriend just wants to party and be wild all the time she’s busy with her last year of school but doesn’t have any plan’s to go and study further. She also lives by her own so there’s no rules or boundaries…

    Please help me i don’t know if it’s an rebound or what..I really want to get him back!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Tessa
      yeah, looks like a rebound.. focus on yourself right now.. you only get a short time of getting to do everything without a bf or a would be bf judgment.. so take this nc as a start of having your own life and being the ungettable girl because you have to maintain that when you enter in a relationship again

  20. Stressed!!?!! - 0

    Stressed!!?!!

    So I’m in this situation where I’m not sure if my ex is dating this girl or not. There’s not much evidence, other than one picture of them at a prom together, and I’m not 100% sure if the girl I saw today (in person) with him, was her. He’s not really active on social media, so that doesn’t really help. I looked on his facebook to see if I could confirm something, found her facebook, and saw that other than him as a mutual friend, my cousin and her best friend also knows her. What do I do in this situation? I’m already feeling sick, thinking of the possibility that he is dating her… That is, because I’ve been trying to talk to him, but I keep choking when I have the opportunity!!! I’m already stressing about this, and I don’t even know whether they’re just friends, or if they’re actually dating… Please help me?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Stressed,

      don’t focus on it. Because the more inportant thing is how or what he will think everytime he sees or talks to you

  21. Chris Seiter - 0

    EBR Team Member: Amor

    Hi Neha,

    how long was your relationship? she’s probably rebound.. are you in active no contact?

    Reply
  22. Nancy - 0

    Nancy

    Hi,
    My boyfriend left me two months ago after 2 years of relationship. I was pressuring him for kids and moving in together. His behavior did not help either. 6 months before the break up everything was going good and we made a lot of progress. Then we had argument that led to 3 weeks of silence. And finally he texted me that it is over. And that he meant another one. There was a lot of drama that led him see me as mentally insecure. I was keeping hope and tried the nc to work on myself. But I just learned the other woman has moved in with him and his family only says good things about her. How do I get him seeing this situation?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Nancy,

      he has to see first that you really change.. you have to move on without fully moving on.. he has related you to negative events so, you have influence his thinking by gour change.. I don’t think it will just take 30 days but that’s a start.. so after nc.. continue on the activities you started in it

  23. Angel - 0

    Angel

    Me and my ex we were together for about 2 years and after he broke up with me we were still seeing each other and trying to work things out. Later he got a gf and now it’s been 8 months since he been with her. While those 8 months he been with her we were still seeing each other. He told me that he loves me and he doesn’t love her and stuff. We saw each other at school every day and he always came over my house and we had sex every week. Now few days ago we got into a fight and he told me that he doesn’t want anything with me and that he loves the other girl. Ever since that I been depressed. All I have been doing is crying and wishing to have him. After he told me that he loves her he changed his profile picture to a picture where he kissing her on the cheek. I got mad I pretty much messed up and I told his gf the truth about me and him but she didn’t believe me. Now i know he hates my guts. I just want him back. Is there any ways I can get him back or just the way my heart telling me I have lost him for good that I really did lose him for good. How can I get him back please help me I’m begging for help.

    Reply
  24. Liz - 0

    Liz

    I went into a bad depression 3 years ago after a miscarriage that he doesnt know about and left my fiance.
    Through the depression i found someone who could numb my pain. But I learned that numbing doesn’t mean healing.
    I moved back in hopes to work things out with my ex, but he had just gotten into a relationship with a girl and her baby (not his). We have mutual friends still and have been in the same area more than once but he refuses to talk to me.
    A friend says I should apologize and explain what happened, but I am worried that could make it worse (explain the miscarriage.)
    Do you think there is any hope?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Liz,

      it’s not an easy one.. if you reconnect, don’t mention that right ahead.. but you do have to apologize for what happened..

  25. Jennifer - 0

    Jennifer

    I (J) have a complicated relationship. My Ex Boyfriend ( G ) and I were together for almost 10 years and we have a child together (P). Our son was 4 when (G) left. I have another son (C) who was born before we had our son (P) together, but (G) accepted my son.(C). At first we were happy and lived together and were a family. Later on we had our problems like every other couple and one day he just left. He said that he needed some time to think. I later found out that he was dating a girl who looked like a younger version of me and then later married her. Devastated and heartbroken as I was I moved on and raised my two boys. It has been years now, but there is not a day that goes by that I don’t think about him. He is divorced now and has a girlfriend.I guess you can say that I didn’t go out much, I had my boys to raise Our son (P) is in college now Neurobiologist and my older son (C) is a police officer. I (J) am a nurse and well (G) works as a fork lifter in a factory… (G) is my first and only love. Crazy as it sounds after everything and years later…I want him back… I don’t know if I just need a therapist cause I’M just plain crazy and need help…

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI J,

      so you still talk to each other now? Have you tried being active in improving yourself?

  26. PYAR - 0

    PYAR

    Hi, my now-ex of 5 years and I broke up a the end of April 2016. To make a long story short, we fought a lot about having children. He would leave little hints (or breadcrumbs) about wanting to have more children. He already has two girls of his own. My culture and parents put a lot of pressure on my to have children, and I internalized it, and took out my frustrations on my ex about making a commitment. We argued a lot over the last year. Almost monthly. Finally, he said enough is enough, and moved out with his kids. I came to find out recently, that I’m not able to have children of my own, so it was kind of a blessing, but a little too late to receive this news. My ex was already gone. I have attempted no contact, and failed until now. It’s been 4 days, and I have not contacted him. What I have a problem with is that is out with other women, probably even sleeping with them. He stays out all hours of the night; even planning a trip to Vegas at the end of the month. This kills me because I would never think of moving on in this way. What should I do? Obviously, I can’t control what he does. Is there any hope of reconciliation, or should I be optimistic of a reconciliation?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Pyar,

      It looks like he’s in a phase.. You have to start active nc, and I think he will reach out after this phase. So, at least once he does, or during this phase, he sees you trying to moving on and not sulking around.

    • Pyar - 0

      Pyar

      What if he doesn’t reach out during or after this phase?

  27. Charlie - 0

    Charlie

    Hi,

    So I am in such a predicament.

    My boyfriend and I were together since we were 17 and had a fantastic relationship minus a few inevitable bumps for 6 years but broke up a year ago. I ended things for a number of reasons. Firstly I was not in a good place emotionally – I have suffered from eating disorders and anxiety in the past which had never affected our relationship until the final few months – so I feel like the break up was not a decision I should have made as at the time I was not in the right mind set for such a big decision.
    Secondly, the last year of our relationship we lived together with a group of his friends, which was great but I think as we were always together we never felt the need to plan things for each other. I felt like he put no effort into our relationship at all and was always very low on his priority list. I accept I could have done more but (and we have spoken about this and agreed that) I certainly tried much harder to make him feel loved than he did with me.
    Thirdly and probably most importantly I was an aspiring dancer at the time – I hoped to travel the world on Cruise ships and go to London and he wanted to stay in our current city, get a job and start the 9-5. He very much wanted to work through those differences but I (partly due to my emotional state) was very sceptical of this. I felt that if he couldn’t prioritise me when I lived in the same house how would he find the motivation when I was half way across the world.

    I was frustrated that I couldn’t, no matter what I did, inspire him to show me he loved me. A simple birthday present, a night in watching TV even was too much for him and I felt like a break would wake him up.

    In the months after the break up we talked a lot and he admitted to his short comings in the relationship. What stopped us from reconciling immediately was my fault. I had a very very drunken one night stand with someone whilst I was feeling particularly low and unwanted and I have honestly never regretted anything more and he knows this.

    This pushed us to not talk for a while. So July was the break up. But we eventually began to talk again from August. I was convinced this was where we would get back together. We met up in October and after a really lovely afternoon together, I told him how I felt and that I regretted the split, I was still in love with him. I had thought a lot about what I wanted and I was willing to do anything I could to make the relationship work despite our differences. He said he was still in love with me and misses me but decided he wanted to remain single. The months after the break up were hard for him and he was just starting to come out of that and have fun and he didn’t want to miss out on the opportunity. This was hard to hear but he said he needed time. So I gave him time, I didn’t contact him or plead with him – however I did very much plead with him during our meeting in October. We both cried a lot and it was very emotional for both of us.

    Months later(January), we had a few nice chats in between but nothing too much as I was giving him space, he got a new girlfriend. I was distraught. I met with him after he got with her- had a lovely afternoon with him again, but opened up to him about all of my thoughts. I told him that I think despite a new girlfriend, he should give us another chance for the following, I think fairly valid, reasons:

    He still loves and misses me (something he admitted to during the meet in Jan)
    I have naturally moved away from a career in dance and want to have a more stable sociable lifestyle similar to his (something that would have happened regardless of our relationship)
    I have vastly improved my mental health and self image
    He has learned how he should have acted during out relationship
    He had now got a job and had more time / money to do things that make him happy. (at uni he was unable to have as much fun as he should have done which negatively affected him) He is more of the person I fell in love with now and would not only know how to treat me, but have the capacity to do it.

    Basically – the major issues our relationship faced (Which in reality and hindsight weren’t even that big) were gone. We had both realised what went wrong and forgiven each other for it. He said he wanted to be with me forever and I was the best thing that ever happened to him. Yet – he still chose her.

    He has learnt from his mistakes with me and is treating this new girl really well. It’s really difficult to see and I think they are quite serious. There is no way for me to find out how he truly feels about her as I can’t ask without seeming very desperate and bitter and all his friends would rat me out.

    I don’t know what to do – do you think that he will eventually break up with her? Can he really fall in love with someone that soon when I am still heartbroken?

    Is there anything I can do to make him come back to me? He seems to be very happy without me – but I know (from experience as we were together for so long) that he can be happy with me and would be even happier, particularly after the developments we have both made as individuals. I also know he can come across as ok when he really isn’t.

    I am in contact occasionally through text but I initiate most contact and do drive the conversation for the most part although he doesn’t seem to adverse to the conversation. Conversations are fun and sometimes reminiscent I guess. He is fiercely loyal and already feels bad for the meet we had in January and subsequent conversations – particularly if they have an emotional element to them. (Which is rare – in fact the only emotionally driven conversation I had was way backing Feb following up the meeting we had…)

    Please help me get him back x

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Charlie,

      I think you’re not seeing it as he is seeing it.. He doesn’t see you’ve changed and you asking for him back just confirms that. Start a 30 day nc so you can have time to really improve yourself and meet new people before talking to him again. And so that he doesn’t view you as a threat to his new relationship when you approach him to text again.

  28. Agnes - 0

    Agnes

    Hi, here is my story. I’ve been with my ex for 7 lovely years. long distance the first year and somehow distant the last two. We had very happy moments, but also several downs, which I reckon to be normal in long relationships. I had troubles with his being at times emotionally unavailable (he had issues in talking about his feelings) and he had troubles in accepting my at times sexual low drive. But we always loved each other to the point of madness. Or at least this is what I thought and felt…18 months ago we entered a serious crisis while not living together anymore (I was away for work) and he slipped in the easy trap of cheating but came back crawling to me after three weeks. I was devastated, but happy to have him back and to be able to work on issues and be our old selves (in the meantime we bought a house together and were considering having children). The relationship worked well until six months ago or so and we broke up out reciprocal breakdown. It was mutual and I was sure it was the right thing to do, as I was not able anymore to get from him what I need (respect and willing to work on fixing our relationship) and he seemed drained too. I considered that to be the right decision for 3/4 weeks (I even dated in the meantime! crazy!) until something very sudden, unexpected and dangerous happened in his life. I found then myself realizing that I was willingly letting my man, my dream, the love of my life, my family go, out of stubbornness. I love him like he is a part of me, and I just needed to let him know. I booked a plane for few week laters to see him while going home to collect my stuff…I had an emotional breakdown, seeing him just streghten my feelings for him and I told him I needed and wanted him back in my life (I also begged….yes yes I know, pathetic…) he said he needed time for himself, he needed to have some time apart even if he loved me, he wanted to be free for a while….we spent three days together and towards the end of the weekend he started being warmer, he organized things for us that were our routine, he looked at me again like he used to and referred to me and him as “us”…a news after a couple of months…I left telling him I would have fought for him, he hugged me and said to do so, cried and sobbed when I left….we were then apart for another month and all of a sudden he turned cold over the phone, telling me he needed space, that he loved me but he was not in love and that I needed to let him go…I cried and wished I was dead, to be honest…then we met again as he came to see me to bring me some of my stuff…we had a two hours heart-to-heart talk, very sweet and passionate, we said how much we still love each other and we need each other in our lives…he said we needed to work things out seriously (I went into therapy in the meantime and solved my side), we apologized for what we did and had that moment of closure we so long waited for…we cried, hold each other and promised to try to work things out somehow…BUT….he then told me he was seeing another girl (well yes, I had doubts about it all the previous months but he was very firm in denying that…) he said that he likes her, she is fun, but she is not in love or anything and sees her only when and if he wants…he leaves my home with an aura of sweetness and that created a lot of hope in me (yes i am an idiot, I know)…that moment is followed by ten days of a all new relationship during which he writes me, talks to me, opens up, is very sweet and tells mutual friends that things were opening up for the two of us…) After that I got a job offer and decided to move back in “our” city, where he still leaves. When I tell him he goes hot/cold for a day or two, telling me that he didn’t know how to deal with the new girl and me in the same city…so yes, all of a sudden she was not THAT unimportant to him anymore…I got crossed, felt betrayed….I mean we had history and he was trying to jeopardize that for a casual girl….but she was clearly not that casual…after few days we have again a very long conversation and he confesses me he still thinks about me, that he still loves me and he knows he wants to be with me with his brain but needs to feel that punch in the stomach…he likes the girl (in the meantime she already dumped him two times because of him being undecided and in love with me) but he is not sure about her neither, he asks me time, he asks me patience, he says he needs to miss me to death and to be sure 100% before getting back to me (agreed) and he says that he is over excited to have me back in town…after 20 hours he called me to tell me it was better to stop keeping contact and that he needed to block his feelings for me because he didn’t want to lose the other girl (she got pissed again and dumped him for the third time) he said that he couldn’t be with me if he had feelings for another person and that I was confusing him with my presence…he said when he is with her he has no doubts he wants to try to be with her and when he’s with me he wants to be with me…but still he chose her…he said it’s not normal to want to be with two people and that he needed to break contacts to see what she meant for him an see what I meant for him (decoding how much he would have missed me…)….well I am totally sure he is already back with her, and I am also sure that he probably doesn’t deserve my love and devotion….but since I am going back there and I will most probably bump into him/them (he asked me to confront him, so that he can understand what I mean for him)…what should I do? How should I act? What are the odds I can get him back? Because I love him like nothing else in the world, but honestly it doesn’t feel like there is any possibility here left to boost my hopes and confidence…should I simply give up?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Agnes,

      try to do active no contact first and then focus on yourself..let him be with the other girl..if they progress, you still have your newly imprived yourself.. if not, take it slow with hin

  29. Bri - 0

    Bri

    I just found this website and it’s really nice and helpful to read through! But it seems like people are posing their stories so I thought I would too in hopes of maybe getting some advice?

    So me and my ex started dating in March of 2015. He had a huge crush on me for quite a long time before we even started talking. I was 17 and he was 16 and this was my first relationship and I had terrible anxiety so it was pretty difficult for me to do “normal” relationship stuff because going on dates would literally cause me to have an anxiety attack. Plus my best friend was in a terrible place and I was putting a lot of my time and attention into her situation. We dated for a little over a month before we decided that we didn’t see each other enough and he thought I didn’t really like him all that much so we broke up in May. I knew it was a mistake less than a month after we broke up, we were great together and had so much in common. I tried to text him quite a while later (I would have texted him sooner but I thought that would be stupid and pathetic) and he didn’t text back. I haven’t tried texting him since. Then in March of this year, he got together with this girl on the exact same day that we started to date a year prior. They are still dating now.
    I’m just not sure if I could get him back… I don’t know if him starting to date her on the exact same day that we started dating a year earlier means anything.
    I don’t think I’m gonna be getting over him any time soon considering it’s been over a year… I don’t know what I should do

    Reply
  30. Confused - 0

    Confused

    I’ve tried NC and failed on numerous occasions. He seemed amicable enough over text. It’s been two months. Is it too late to enact NC? What if he joined a dating site? Is it too late?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Confused why did you break up, how long was your relationship and how long has it been since you broke up?

  31. Liz - 0

    Liz

    My ex and I have been friends for 28 years. We dated 6 months after he reached out to me and begged for the chance. He broke up with me in January. I did everything I shouldn’t have done begged, pleaded with him. Called and text just hoping for another chance. I tried no contact 30 days in March. Didn’t get a response. Tried again April, still no response. I finally said screw it and took a chance and went to see him. He told me he didn’t want to talk to me and that we weren’t friends anymore and to walk away. So I did exactly that. June 3rd I finally text him and he called but I didn’t answer. June 4 I text him and he called right away. I answered this time. We had a brief conversation he told me he hasn’t spoken to me because I always want answers and he doesn’t have any new ones. That we had been over things. That we need to go separate ways and move on we are no longer friends. He then proceeded to tell me he has meet someone, three weeks ago and it’s going great but it’s nothing serious. By the end of the conversation he is telling me he wants to try to be friends if I can handle him seeing someone. I have no idea what am I supposed to do now?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Liz,

      have you improved yourself and if he sees your posts does it seem that you’ve moved on?

  32. Dina - 0

    Dina

    Hello,PLEASE i really really need help!!
    I’m 16 years old and when i was in 3rd grade,i went to a new school and i met a boy and we fell in love since the first day that i came and he told me about 3 times that he loves me,but everytime i tell him that i don’t love him or we are just friends,but deep down i was soo in love with him,but i couldn’t tell him..we were too young and he was also at the same age of mine.We had some problems and after 2 years,i left the school and we never talked since then,but after 6 years I sent him a text message on Instagram and we talked ,but it was me who always started the conversation,then i realised that he ignored my text messages.Actually many many girls surround him and he had many girlfriends,but everytime they break up and i actually don’t know the reason ,because we aren’t like before.we were soo good to each other when we were young ,but now I don’t actually know…
    Yesterday he posted a picture with a girl on instagram,saying that he loves her and many other lovely words to her.He is actually a really bad guy and my friends are always telling me to give up,cuz he is truely bad.But i love him more than my soul ,I just can’t describe how much i love him..He is literally my soul,Although he wasn’t good to me at all.from 2 months i went to see him and he was really happy to see me and i saw the same look in his eyes when he was in love with me ,but why does he do that??
    I mean can that be because i left the school and that i never told him that i love him??
    Actually All i know is that i am truely suffering cuz he is always with another girl and i don’t know exactly if he have feelings for me.I thought that after 6 years when we meet,he will remember that he was in love with me and will love me again,but i don’t know..I really hope to forget him,because everytime when i see him posting picture with his new girlfriends,my heart just breaks into millions of pieces.I know deep down that I am too good for him,but I just love him.
    Please tell me what to do!!I am literally dieing

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Dina,

      ok, let’s say we’re going to rule out that you’re young. He still has a new girlfriend and I think you held on to a memory that was long ago.. YOu need to do new stuff and grow.. not just because you’re young… but whatever age you are, that’s what you need to do first.. Don’t linger on a memory of him, because people change.. If you want him back, you can try to build rapport but keep in mind that he has a girlfriend and that the person you knew before is not the same person now.. Many things have happened and you need to make a lot of things happen for you too..

  33. Jihee - 0

    Jihee

    Hello, I just started NCR and it’s been 11days since I haven’t messaged him. Here is my story, please help me!
    I met this guy on Tinder in August, 2015. We started dating after 2weeks of everyday conversations. And it was all good for 7 months and a half then he broke up with me saying he had to leave my country. Yes, he is an American soldier and I am Korean. It was in February that his request to stay in Korea for another year got turned down and he filed an appeal. But it got rejected again in April. That meant he was supposed to leave Korea in June. So he was really cold and said that we should not see each other. I cried a lot but he refused to see me any longer. It was April 3rd.

    In early May, my best friend found him on Tinder. I was like “What the…?” But he didn’t know her so my friend super liked my ex boyfrinend then they got matched. They talked a lot about me(My friend acted as if she didn’t know me). My ex said that I was such a nice girlfriend and I was never a bad girl. And he said, “But we had our own issues just like every couple. It’s too bad it didn’t work out. I was supposed to leave Korea but 2 weeks ago, the government ordered me to stay one more year. Well, I’m not opposed to meeting her again but I probably won’t date her again. Because the same thing will happen. I am sad a bit but that’s the life.” So my friend asked him, ” You can meet her again! Why are you on Tinder?” He said, “I dated lots of girls but none of them liked my job because I am too busy with my job. I had to leave them. They couldn’t understand why I was too busy. And she was too. But I am lonely that’s why I’m on Tinder.” The thing is I never complained about his jobs because I also appreciate my own space and time. Anyway I know it’s not a lie since I know one of his friend and he had to leave Korea in June with my ex then their order got changed.

    I actually texted him after 30 days of No contact, saying ” I went to the place we dated first. I hope you are enjoying your rest of the days here in Korea.” He replied saying thanks and he hoped that I was doing well. It was before my friend found him on Tinder.

    2 weeks later, he messaged me that he was going to stay here one more year and he was sorry. But that was all. He didn’t say he wanted to meet me again.

    On May 19th, I texted him first saying “Your new profile picture is so nice!” So we talked a bit like friends. For like 2 hours. Then we had nothing to talk more.

    I know he doesn’t hate me. But I think he doesn’t miss me. The 7 months were nothing maybe… And he never blocked me on messenger and on Facebook. I really want to meet him again. I followed the 30 days of No Contact rule then I broke it at 31st days. Then we talked in the middle of May. I was never clingy to him(I was never clingy… I feel like I had to be clingy a bit) and he never says I was bad. Instead he says I’m such a nice girl and I’m not even remotely close the worst girl he has dated. But anyway he is trying to find a new girlfriend which makes me super sad…

    So, what I am going to do is NCR for 30 days and on June 21st, I’m planning to go to the village he lives. And I will call him saying “I just wanted to hear your voice… Because for the first time after the separation, I came here(the village he lives in). Can you come to this place I am at now?” What do you think of my plan? Thank you for reading.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jihee,

      You have to build enough rapport first before you ask for a meet. If all your texts are positives, that’s ok.

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