Has He Moved On? How To Get Him Back If He Has A Girlfriend

It can really hurt when an ex boyfriend (who you still have feelings for) seemingly moves on to another girl. For many women out there they lose all hope of getting their ex back. Others will get angry and immediately look to start or cause a fight. Rarely will you ever come across one that does the smartest thing, stack the odds in her favor! That is really what this page is all about, how to get your ex boyfriend back if he has a new girlfriend by stacking the odds in your favor.

If you haven’t already read my epic article on how to get your ex boyfriend back I suggest you drop everything for the next 30 minutes (yes 30 minutes) and go read it.

What You Really Want..

When I first created this site I wanted to create the best online resource for getting your ex back. So far, I feel I have done a decent job of that. However, as I started interacting with you I began to notice that what I was writing wasn’t enough, you wanted more. This was especially true for those heartbroken women whose ex boyfriends have moved on to a new girlfriend. I understand how you particularly feel because I have interacted with so many of you. So, I decided to do something I have never done before.

I began writing a “super guide” on how to get your ex boyfriend back. I am talking about everything I could possibly think of. Eventually after 100 pages of writing I finished Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO. Think of it like the ultimate step by step guide to getting an ex boyfriend back. It will teach you everything you will need to know. So, if you feel you want some more in depth instructions on how to get an ex boyfriend back then please click the link below:

Learn More About Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO

Remember The Most Important Thing

Before you take any major steps to getting your ex boyfriend back it is important that you implement the No Contact Rule. Now, I am not going to go too deeply into that. In fact, I wrote an entire page just covering the no contact rule and what to do during it. You can visit that page here: No Contact Rule Guide.

If you don’t have the patience to read that entire page let me sum up some of the most important points for you.

No Contact Rule Main Points

  • No contact what-so-ever for 30 days (1 full month.)
  • This means no texting, calling, emailing, letters, facebook stalking or Googling.
  • During your 30 day freeze out make sure you improve yourself both mentally and physically.

You may be wondering why learning about the NCR (No Contact Rule) is so important. After all, this page is about a very unique situation, trying to get an ex boyfriend back who has a new girlfriend. Well, the importance of NOT CONTACTING YOUR EX is crucial in this particular situation. The fact that your old boyfriend has a new girlfriend can be heart crushing and you are going to want to contact your ex very badly (and you are definitely not going to have many good things to say.)

How Did He Get His New Girlfriend?

New Girlfriend

(Disclaimer: I promised myself that I was going to use this page to legitimately help people. So, I feel that this section is important. While this may not be a section about how to get him back it is a section that is something I added in to prevent you from making a big mistake, going after a guy that will only hurt you very deeply again.)

Believe it or not but how your ex boyfriend got his new girlfriend matters in a very big way. I am going to outline three situations for you, two of these situations are going to focus on guys that you should be trying to get back and one of the situations is going to be focusing on guys that you should not be trying to get back. Let’s begin.

Situation 1- You broke up with your ex, realized you wanted him back but found out that he got a new girlfriend after the breakup. If you are in this situation then you are free to go ahead and try to get your ex boyfriend back.

Situation 2- He broke up with you and later got a new girlfriend. Again, this is a really common situation and you are free to go ahead and try to get him back.

Situation 3- He left you for another girl. He was either cheating or was in love with someone else. Ladies, I am going to be completely honest here, this guy is not someone that you should want to get back with. Sure, you can try to get him back but he needs to prove to you that he is trustworthy.

4 Truths To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back With A New Girlfriend


This section will explore some of the most important steps to getting back with an ex who has a new girlfriend. Admittedly you are at a bit of a disadvantage since he has moved on, or has he? Let’s explore!

Truth 1: Not contacting your ex is a must. Not only should you have implemented the No Contact Rule but you need to stay strong. Getting mad, breaking down and texting your ex a hateful message about his new girlfriend isn’t going to help your ultimate goal is it? Instead, be cool and don’t worry, every dog has it’s day.

Truth 2: It’s not always easy dating someone new. Especially if you came out of a relatively serious relationship. It may be entirely possible that your ex is uncomfortable in his new relationship. It happens all the time. This is one of the symptoms of what everyone likes to call a rebound relationship. This leads us to our next step..

Truth 3: Rebound relationships are relationships that usually form right after a breakup. Lucky for you rebound relationships don’t last forever. In fact, statistics show that 90% of rebound relationships are bound to fail. So, the odds are in your favor just make sure you keep your cool while he is dating his new girlfriend. Remember, if you freak out you are going to make a lot of mistakes and mistakes aren’t going to help get you two back together.

Truth 4: It is entirely possible that the further away from a breakup that your ex boyfriend gets the more nostalgic he will become about your relationship. Basically, instead of remembering all the bad things (like fights, disagreements or whatever caused your breakup) he will remember all the good things. This can definitely work in your favor.

How To Cope


It is not always easy to want someone back so badly and see them in another relationship with someone else. I put this section together to give you some advice on how to handle what you are feeling. Remember, just because he is dating someone new doesn’t mean your chances are gone completely. Sometimes men need to go out with someone new to realize just how good they had it with you.

Keep The Focus On You- Try your best not to obsess over his situation. You can’t control what he does but you can control what you do. Go out and have fun. Make new friends. Basically, just ramp up your social life so you can focus on the most important thing, yourself.

It’s Not Your Fault- Sometimes women have a tendency to believe that their ex started dating someone new because of something that they did or something that they could not provide. Dating isn’t always black and white like that. Whatever happens, make sure you don’t let an ex boyfriends actions affect how you feel.

Accept That There Will Be Pain- You are not a robot. You can’t just turn off your feelings. It’s ok to feel pain over the situation but once that pain starts creeping into your everyday life and effecting how you live then you have problems.

Beware Of The “I Want What I Can’t Have” Syndrome- This particular piece of advice probably should have gone higher on this page. Sometimes a select group of women will want their ex boyfriend back once they see him with someone new. If you find that you are in this situation be very careful about proceeding to get him back. You may need to go back and do some serious searching on whether or not you want him back for a legitimate reason.

Resist Any Comparisons- It is only human nature to want to compare yourself to the new (hopefully temporary) girlfriend. Are you better looking? Do you have a better personality? Comparing yourself to the new girl is not productive. You only hurt yourself in the process and that is not going to help your cause at all.

Are There Any Actions You Can Take To Help Your Cause?

actions to take

So far this page has really been about personal things that you can do to get your ex back if he has a new squeeze. Now, I want you to realize that I laid this page out that way on purpose. The fact of the matter is that a certain amount of this is out of your control. I mean, if you have found a way to mind control someone please let me know because I could put that skill to good use. However, in this section I am briefly going to discuss certain actions you can take to drastically improve your chances of getting your ex boyfriend back.

(Remember, these actions should only be taken after you have completed the 30 Day No Contact Rule.)

Watch For Trouble Signs- No one is perfect and this is especially true of relationships. Each one has it’s ups and downs. Your job is to keep an eye out for his troubles with his new girl and be there to provide support and remind him how good he had it with you.

Initiate Contact Via Text Message- Test the waters with your ex boyfriend via text messaging. There are a whole set of rules and regulations that go with texting an ex. I am not going to go into those here but if you want to know them then please visit this page.

Be Very Nice To Him And His New Girlfriend- If you are on good terms with your ex or you have tested the waters via text messages and gotten a positive response be very wary about trashing his new girlfriend. It may be tempting but however strong that temptation is you are going to have to avoid it.

Learn How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back
Put your email address in the box to the right to follow along day by day as I show two women (Sarah and Kai) exactly what they need to do to get their ex boyfriends back.
2,379 Responses to Has He Moved On? How To Get Him Back If He Has A Girlfriend
  1. Ella
    January 29, 2015 | 6:42 am

    My boyfriend and I broke up about a year ago. He wanted me back for a good 6 months then I finally turned around and told him that I wanted him back as well. This is when he told me that he had a girlfriend which he went out with before me. He told me he didn’t really love her like he did with me. They are still together and I see him once every so often and text regularly.

    He is extremely confusing and i’ve been with other guys since and know that he is who I really want. He has been with his girlfriend for 4 months now…I don’t know if I should approach the situation by saying this is your last chance, or confess my feelings, or what??

    • admin
      January 29, 2015 | 3:13 pm

      Have you read version 2.0 of this article?

      There might be some other good insight there.

  2. hope
    January 26, 2015 | 8:18 pm

    Me and boyfriend of 3 years broke up two weeks ago for alot reasons. Well everything blow up when he went out one friday he didn’t want to come home (we live together). I texted and he lied and said he was going to an after party and then I realized his tablet was missing. Why would he neef his tablet to go to a party. I just knew he was with a woman. I started calling and texting him like a mad crazy woman I didn’t know what else to do. Then I openned his email and saw hotel reservation for Saturday night I hot to the hotel before he did. And then he showed up with another woman. I yelled anf screamed as she sat in the car. He explained to that out house is a prison and that he s not coming home and that he s not happy. I do everything for this man, I take care of him. Another problem he s Ethiopian and im african American it s it feels like he hides me from his family and friends. He chose to keep our life separate from his family and friends. So if he lived me and is with me then of course it feels like a prison. A prison he made on his own I would have love to spend more time with his family and friends.
    If getting back together is possible, I would like for him to have a new mindset where im added to he s life not him tearing up his life to be with. I’m doing my part im not angry anymore and I plan to never scream or yell at him again. I like the idea of creating a new and improved relationship. And I’m having with the no contact rule because he is in the process of moving out and he id taking me for my surgery tomorrow. And I already made the decision that I won’t let him see me crying and upset anymore. I want him to come back because he loves me not because he feels sorry for me.

    • admin
      January 27, 2015 | 2:41 pm

      Yes, the new and improved relationship is definitely ideal.

      Do everything you can to not cry or show you are very affected by him.

  3. Mana Zee
    January 26, 2015 | 7:41 am

    Hi. My boyfriend and i were together for 1 year and today he told me that he got a new gf. He told me he only broke up because of the distance between us since we never met and were only in a long distance relationship. He said he only got the girl so that she can be with him for hugs and all physical affections. He said that he will start everything new with me when i do get there. He want s to stay as best friends. What should i do? Should i continue to send me good morning messages and communicate with him? I really want him back. Please help :(

    • admin
      January 26, 2015 | 4:25 pm

      Hi Mana, Long distance relationships can be very difficult. I know from personal experience as my wife and I were in a long distance relationship before we got married. You will have to figure out how you will be able to see him and ultimately move closer to each other for this to work out. I would say go into no contact for 30 days and read the post: The Complete Guide to Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back if you are in a LDR.

  4. positive
    January 22, 2015 | 6:18 pm

    I broke up with my boyfriend in oct, was living with him for 5 yrs. I left to go to another state to get away and help out a family member. I didn’t contact him. he contacted me.. Plus he was tracking me by phone.. as we share the same plan.. one week before i told him i was coming home.. he got a new girlfriend.. tells his friends he is happy and in love. my stuff is still there and when i got back i stayed with a friend. spoke to him and told him if he was happy with her i wish him the best.. went back to the place i first went to to get my car.. we have spoke 3 times..we had a great talk.. i have tried to call and text him.. he has shut me off.. and i also found out he went to a web site called social man for help..he will not return my calls or text. I love him and want to get him back.. what advice do you have for me.

    • admin
      January 23, 2015 | 4:11 pm

      What is social man?

      What type of website is that?

      • positive
        January 23, 2015 | 5:11 pm

        not sure, just know its a site to help men get confidence and get women.

  5. emily
    December 22, 2014 | 11:10 pm

    Hello my boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me in beginning of November of this year he has some pretty severe emotional problems. this is the reason he broke up with me the last few weeks were bad and he didn’t want to hurt me any more.
    he has been over a few times and we have talked and txted he doesn’t want to talk about about us and what happened he has also said a few times we break up and always get back together he has also said he didn’t think the break up thru and that he loves me misses me and has cried several times in front of me
    on one occasion he let it be known he has a friend with benefits and he doesn’t want anything emotional and its just sex he wont talk about it either but lately they are always together so it might has moved to a different status the new girl has a habit of trying to fix her men( she is going to be a shrink and he needs one) and he has some big issues.
    the problem is i want him back (did some soul searching and it is him i want back not just to be in a relationship) and he is scattered everywhere i don’t know what to do

    • admin
      December 23, 2014 | 3:15 pm

      Wait he has a friends with benefits or you are the friends with benefits?

      • emily
        December 23, 2014 | 7:42 pm

        he has a friends with benefits and it is not me

        • admin
          December 29, 2014 | 2:24 pm

          Hmm… That is sad to hear.

          It says a lot about him as a person…

          • emily
            December 30, 2014 | 12:34 am

            he isn’t a bad person just very confused he has alot of mental problems .
            how do i get him back

  6. meriem
    December 20, 2014 | 6:18 pm

    hey chris plz i really want your help on this one.so my boyfriend broke up with me last july after that we were on and off till one day we had a big fight and i did no contact for 2 months in which he didn’t contact me at all after that i began texting as you recomand he was neutral and then positive and then negative.i added him on fb we talked but he was sending mixed signals sometimes he get angry because i talked to other boys other times he don’t talk to me like these to days he puts me off line and when i said why he said that’s not true i called him the other night but he didn’t respond and i started to think that he has a new girl but when i asked him he said no and then te second time he didn’t say anything the third time was yesterday he said i will tell you someday.what the hell is he doing is he playing mind games with me why he don’t want to tell the truth if he had another girl.what do think chris should i do no contact again and if i did should i delete him from my fb because you said i should vanish and i can’t do that if he’s still a friend on fb with me.help me chris plzz

  7. Emelie
    December 12, 2014 | 4:20 am

    Hi Chris!
    I really need your help,
    Way back in February I met a guy at a party and he thought I was interested in him because I was really drunk and desperate for a cuddle so anyways he asked my friends for my number and he texted me that he wanted to see me. We met maybe 2-3 times and then one night he smashed his lips onto mine and started making out, awkward as I am I made him stop and questioned the entire situation and he confessed his feelings for me. I felt confused and told him that I’m not sure if I feel the same but deep down I thought he was attractive and everything but we ended up not talking to each other the entire summer. Recently I moved school and to my surprise he moved to the same school as me and I found out that he’s dating the girl from my Spanish class and I really miss him and regret my decision and I’m still unsure if it’s just because I want something that I can’t have or if I’ve developed real feelings for him, I have literally no idea what to do he stares at me in the corridors and last weekend I met him and he said he missed me. Please help me :(

  8. Paige
    December 12, 2014 | 3:55 am

    Well I need some help because I have no Idea what I should do because I really want him back…. Can we talk about this privetly?? Please

  9. Jessica
    December 11, 2014 | 11:37 pm

    Hello Chris,

    Me and my boyfriend have been broken up a little more than a year, and I was wondering why he still hasn’t said anything to me that he has a girlfriend. He hasn’t posted anything on his facebook or whatsapp that gives me the impression he has a gf. We see each other at the gym and we talk from time to time. One day, I overheard him say ‘my girlfriend’ (without him knowing I heard). And whenever I would ask him about his weekend…he always would say he went out with the ‘guys’ or ‘nothing much’. So why hide it if we are okay with each other?

  10. Jane
    December 2, 2014 | 3:58 pm

    Hello Chris, I really need your help. I’d like to tell you my story and ask you for an advice, could we do it privately please? I’d be so happy, I need you..Is it possible? By an email or something?

  11. T-Rex
    December 2, 2014 | 12:23 am

    Hi I need some serious help my friend! Over the summer I had a bit of a relationship with my best guy friend, he liked me and I liked him but we never officially dated because I had another boyfriend who I used to try and get him jealous, which I know was totally stupid and unneeded. Anyways, we flirted all summer and he admitted his feelings for me after me and my boyfriend broke up. Everything was going great until my parents (I’m a minor) found out that I cut myself and totally eliminated contact with this boy because they thought he was a ad influence. when school started we didn’t have classes together and I don’t see him at all, recently I found out he has a girlfriend. My best girlfriend told me this and said he still loves me. Whenever I go into his class, everyone will say “Hey that’s the girl he likes!” but then others will say “I thought he had another girlfriend.” WHAT SHOULD I DO?!?

    • admin
      December 2, 2014 | 2:58 pm

      Well, if it has been 30 days you can go ahead and initiate contact with him.

      However, make sure you have yourself sorted out. The cutting is very alarming and I noticed you said you were a minor. I hope this guy is not way older than you.

  12. Christine
    December 2, 2014 | 12:14 am

    Hello Chris,
    My ex and I have broken up after 8 years of being together. We were in a long distance relationship for the last 4 years. We lived an hour and a half from each other. Sadly, the last 4 months we were fighting and frustrated with each other that he broke up with me for another girl. They got together 1 week after we broke up. I tried to talk to him a day after he broke up with me but he said he made his decision and we could be friends. I was devastated but wanted to be in his life to win him back.he called me once a week and we talked. My parents told me that it wasn’t healthy to do that and blocked his number from my phone. That upset him and he blocked mine even though I ended up getting him unblocked. I haven’t contacted to let him know that he was unblocked because I read your no contact rule.it’s been 8 days and I am not sure what to do.I feel that with more time that passes I am losing relevance and an opportunity to win him back. Any suggestions or advice would be much appreciated.

    • admin
      December 2, 2014 | 2:57 pm

      4 years LDR and no serious moves to get closer together permanantely?

      • Christine
        December 2, 2014 | 5:38 pm

        We have talked about it after I finished school we would find a way to be together.I graduate in June and we never really talked about much until he broke up with me. He said he didn’t want to go back to the way it use to be. I told him that it wouldn’t and he didn’t want to try. He called me once a week for three weeks even though he is officially with some on else. the last time we talked he blocked me from his phone. However, not on facebook or email. His parents are always checking on me and telling me to stay in touch with them.

        • Christine
          December 6, 2014 | 7:08 pm

          I emailed him to let him know he wasn’t blocked anymore. I kept it short and sweet. I said, I hope all is well and finals are too. I wanted to let you know I removed the block. I hope we can stay in touch and maybe be friends. Take care. I honestly wasn’t expecting him to email me back because he blocked me from his phone. I was surprised he replied. He replied back 3 days later and said I really think we shouldn’t be friends. It won’t work out. What should I do? I am not going to contact him for at least 30 days, maybe do the full 90. I want him in my life even if that means just being his friend. Please any advice would mean the world to me.

          • Christine
            December 19, 2014 | 4:49 pm

            After receiving his email from my ex saying we shouldn’t be friends it won’t work. I got an email yesterday from him asking if I was going to call him on his birthday. I haven’t made any contact with him or his family for two weeks. Should I call him on his birthday? Is this a good sign?

  13. brittany
    November 30, 2014 | 5:24 pm

    Hi Chris, I just got out of a relationship a couple months ago. I had met my boyfriend about a year ago and we instantly hit it off, we started things slow as friends and then it was so sudden realizing we were meant to be. Things were perfect neither of us had been so happy before and then we moved in together, this was about 4 months later. So we were living together about 5 months and things had gotten rocky, he doesn’t know how to handle situations or confrontation in general because of his abuse childhood. And he has a tough time with feeling loved and accepted. So we had been fighting some while living together and during this time he was texting other girls and sending pictures in an effort to “Feel loved”, this is no excuse it was wrong and from then on there were just fights and a distance between us. Its frustrating because things were so perfect. I ended up moving out, and in this time i was hoping to still fix things, he was distant didn’t want to “deal ” with anything, didn’t want to fight, just wanted everything to blow over. Now its almost been 3 months that ive been moved out. a few weeks after i moved out we started seeing eachother a bit and then i got “pushy” and he cut it off again. At this time we went maybe 3 days without talking and we’ve texted even if its a short “have a good day” every day since. I started seeing him again recently this past month. It’s different though i can tell he doesn’t feel the same way and its probably because i’ve still been so attached, and he knows i’m just right there. He can text me , i’ll respond, he can do whatever he wants, he can not text me, and when he does i’ll still be right there. Part of me thought things were going to fixed or that they would blow over , but here i am 3 months later, still not over things and i have a very hard time not contacting him because of fear that he WILL move on to someone else. Its scary, i feel the second i ignore him for one or two days he’ll just be gone. I’m sick of being battered, sick of being treated like shit , sick of being walked all over. I really am it’s very hard and i love this person so much. I have a hard time believeing hes over everything, but at the same time i feel like he’s only still texting me because he feels bad for me? But if that’s the case he probably shouldn’t still be a dick because it still hurts. Please help me, i want to fix this. And i don’t believe theres zero hope, i’m very afraid of the no contact because i’ve ALWAYS been right there, what if he sees it and instantly gravitates to someone else. I’m sure he’s talking to other people but i don’t know if hes taken the initiative to start actually seeing them yet.
    I would really appreciate some solid advice.
    Thank you chris

    • admin
      December 1, 2014 | 3:34 pm

      What kind of pictures was he sending?

      Sexual ones?

      Go right into NC.

  14. Erin
    November 21, 2014 | 4:40 am

    I don’t know what to do I need your help! My boyfriend and I have been together for six months together and were perfectly happy. Then he started drifting away for two weeks and we started picking little fights with each other. Eventually he stopped contacting me and then texted me saying he’s just too busy and needs to be alone for now. That he still loves me and maybe we’ll be together again some day but he cant be with me right now. A couple days passed and my friends were telling me they started seeing him around school with this girl that I cant stand (and he knows it) its also his best friends ex. I’m not sure if he left me for someone else, because that’s really not his personality at all. What should I do? We’re technically just spending some time apart so should I say something? How do I get him back? Please help me! (:

    • admin
      November 24, 2014 | 4:09 pm

      Do you have any idea what caused him to drift away? Think really hard because its improtant.

  15. Lana
    November 20, 2014 | 9:09 pm

    Hi Chris was in a relationship for a month I broke up with him in a month he got a new girlfriend he kept saying hes hona kick her out but didn’t I have started the NCR it had been 4 days im going to crack he keeps calling and hes saying shes gone and hes lonely what do i do? Help!!!!

    • admin
      November 24, 2014 | 3:57 pm

      Start it up! What are you waiting for?

  16. Ness
    November 17, 2014 | 12:50 pm

    My ex ended our relationship about a month ago now after almost 4 years together. Mostly our relationship has been great, loving and strong so it was a shock when he told me his feelings had changed. Although even worse was a week later when he admitted he likes someone and she likes him. They’d been messaging one another behind my back.

    In the last year we had been living together. Sadly I’ve been under a lot of stress in the last few months and his new job role was taking up a lot of our time together. As I was unhappy with various things in my life I was sometimes taking it out on him – something which I realised when looking back on and am now working on. He never really spoke up about how he was feeling until it was the end.

    I think this girl that he is now kind of seeing helped him to realise he didn’t want to be with me. It’s been torture knowing that there is someone else. I know they talk a lot and have been meeting up. In a way it feels like I’ve been cheated on, although I know it was only ever emotionally and not intended but it still hurts. I still love him and when I see him he makes it harder as he is affectionate and flirty towards me. A few times we have even been intimate (which I know is a BIG mistake). When I tell him that he shouldn’t be this way with me he says ‘it’s because it’s us’ and that he still cares about me and misses me but it makes no sense to me! I’ve tried to keep the friendship there, he mainly initiates contact and he is my best friend so I’ve held off from cutting contact – but I think it’s because I’m hanging on hoping he’ll change his mind! I know he likes this girl, she makes him happy he says. But part of me feels it’s partly because he likes the freedom and the fact that he’s getting some attention as he never did have much luck with the girls. I’ve been reading over your posts, I’m going to try the 30 days NC but am I wrong for wanting him back? I just find this situation so confusing and even a bit odd. She’s a religious girl and he isn’t and hasn’t ever been interested in religion yet now he is wearing a cross and reading the bible for her! I’m scared that he’s found better in her and that I’ve been replaced. Struggling to get my head around it and even accept how different he seems to be right now. I’d really appreciate your advice and guidance? Am I holding out for a lost cause?

  17. Annon
    November 17, 2014 | 3:02 am

    Okay so recently my boyfriend and I broke up and three daysatwr he asked someone else out. We broke up because I got mad for him smacking and hugging on some other girl and also him getting all of these number from girls and texting them. So then be got mad at me for being mad at him and heard from people that I was going to break up with him so he broke up with me first. I really miss him but I seems like he’s happy with his new girlfriend. I see him all the time and he always initiates the conversations first. Do I have a chance? Should I even try?

  18. olivia and owen
    October 28, 2014 | 7:47 pm

    Reading your posts I relate well to you since my exbf handles life and relationships exactly the way you do. We’re separated by a continent and also by 17 years. He is 26 and we both have found the “one” and both serious with one another despite our age gap. Our communication and respect for one another is what keeps this such a loving pure relationship. Recently, we talked about long term commitments and doubts creeped up on this gap as he feels he cannot accept and is afraid to hurt me down the road as he could not trust his own self. I reluctantly ended with him finally accepting it the breakup. We are still in contact and he texts still frequent if not daily. I did a bit of nc and he went bonkers, so I always responded. We never had a fight throughout our time together and still never did. So my questions is if you were in this situation and found the “one” and know you won’t ever find the same, would you stay or let go? We tried and he was back and forth cuz both the love and uncertainty will always remain.

    • admin
      October 29, 2014 | 2:34 pm

      Well I think its clear what you have to do… Make it through NC hahaha.

  19. elizabeth
    October 27, 2014 | 7:12 pm

    I have tried a couple of times to reach out to you but here goes again.

    My story: Together 9 months. Broke up 6 weeks ago. NC the entire time. He has texted me about half a dozen times but I am going to call the texts fishing expeditions. We have iphones so I think the first one he sent was to see if I blocked him. The other ones were him kind of complaining that I wasn’t responding – stuff like “Really, you’re ignoring me”. No apologies or missing you or anything like that

    Our relationship: He and I took things very slowly but in the last month had gotten closer and it was a little scary for me. We were very good friends. In fact he told me I was the best friend he had in a long time and that he shared things with me he never had before with anyone. A week before the breakup he was planning a big vacation with me next year and told me he was so glad he finally met someone as awesome as I am.

    About two weeks before we broke up an ex-girlfriend contacted him. He told me she did. She blocked him when they broke up and hadn’t spoken since the breakup. He took it really hard. However, his family, friends and even he said they were not good together. They broke up over a year ago and there was a rebound girl and some other dating between her and I. Anyway, the reason we broke up was because he said he thought he might still love her. Did I believe him? Not really. I think her coming back into his life brought up old feelings and I thought he needed to deal with those feelings before he and I got more serious.

    I was actually pretty strong and it seemed logical to me. I told him he needed to go figure that out but that I would continue living life as I did. He begged to stay my friend and I said Not right now and that I needed space. That was it no more contact from me. A girlfriend of mine saw him with a girl last week but I do not know who it was. That is all I know about what is going on in his life.

    I have bought the PRO book but because of the way we broke up and the fact that she might be still in his life. I would like to know the following pretty please:

    1) Do you think I have a chance to get him back?
    2) Should I make any modifications to the plan?
    3) What kind of opening text should I use? Remember I am at 30+ days of NC. I was thinking of a basic. Saw something that made me think of you text so he wonders what it was. :)

    Thank you

    • admin
      October 28, 2014 | 4:27 pm

      Hi Elizabeth!

      Sorry for the late response.

      Your girlfriend, did she say they were “coupley?”

      • Elizabeth
        October 28, 2014 | 7:36 pm

        No she did not say they acted “coupley”. I asked that specifically and she said it could have gone either way. It could have gone either way. No physical intimacy.

        However today I saw a facebook picture – it was him and her and her kids at a grand opening of a local restaurant. The restaurant posted it, but again no real intimacy other then standing next to each other

        • admin
          October 29, 2014 | 2:33 pm

          Hmm… her kids… She has kids and hes already met the kids?

          • Elizabeth
            October 29, 2014 | 5:55 pm

            Yes her kids. Remember they dated last year so he knew the kids already from before. It was one of the problems in the original issue. She has a bunch of them

            • admin
              October 30, 2014 | 6:21 pm

              Oh so sorry, that detail slipped my mind. It happens when you see so much as I have.

              I honestly don’t think they will last…

              • Elizabeth
                October 30, 2014 | 9:36 pm

                No problem. I can only imagine what all you see.

                So any suggestions on what I should do or how I should proceed?

                I have now sent him two texts which he responded to one neutrally and one positive. I am waiting a few days to see if he initiates but I am guessing next week I will have to send again. Any thoughts?

                • admin
                  November 3, 2014 | 3:49 pm

                  Don’t think of it as such a negative if you have to initiate.

                  • Elizabeth
                    November 21, 2014 | 2:48 am

                    Ok. The first two texts were fine – one neutral and one positive response. It’s been a month now without any contact. I heard from a friend he is now “in a relationship” with her. I was told she posted it a couple of days ago and he liked the post. Remember they were together over a year ago and she broke up with him. We have been broken up for two months and he has been with her that time.

                    I had waited on texting because I really didn’t want to be the end of their relationship and I also did not want to be rejected. I know I know. Anyway where should I go from here?

      • Elizabeth
        October 29, 2014 | 3:03 am

        One other thing. I think there wasn’t even a day between is breaking up and then becoming an item.

  20. jessica
    October 21, 2014 | 1:13 am

    Hi chris,
    Love your articles. Have read ex bpyfriend recovery pro. My ex and i had started to argue alot about things that just didnt matter. He was just always angry. I recently found out that he had been speaking to another woman whilst with me and then of course left me for her. Ive already stuffed it by going off at him when i founf out. Which was about 2 weeks ago now. I have no idea what i should do

  21. shanel
    October 8, 2014 | 3:08 am

    Hi Chris
    I really need your help, please help me out . Me and boyfriend were going out for almost 2 years now however we’ve had heaps of Lil breakups within this period of time. He always talked about girls and one girl in particular last year and I always seemed to get really hurt because he always talked about how nice and good looking she was but I didn’t say anything I used to just put up with it. He comes from a broken family and he’s always upset and every time I argue or decide to walk out he brings his broken family up and I end up feeling bad staying back however we got through that phase somehow but just a couple of weeks ago he cheated on me with another girl and he’s reason was that I fell asleep while he was crying and he made it look like it was all my fault but I thought he would understand koz I come from work really late at night so I’m usually very tired and end up falling asleep and so he’s like he needed someone who was just like him so he got it. And then he left me and he’s with her now but he still tells me that he loves me and that he doesn’t love her but then he says that he can’t loose her koz she’s the perfect kinda girl and he doesn’t want me leaving koz he needs financial help I ve been supporting him with every possible thing I can whatever he wants whatever he needs I gave to him I poured my heart out for this guy. He talks to me continously for 2 or 3 days then he goes and talks to her continuously for 2 or 3 days and he doesn’t want his girlfriend knowing that he still talks to me so she pretty much knows nothing he lied to her that I cheated on him last year and that I’m a desperate bitch and all these other harsh things about me to her just so she believes him and stays with him but I ignored everything koz I love dearly from the bottom of my heart he just had sex with me yesterday but he’s back to her now. I feel rely hurt I cry myself to sleep every night I really want him to realize what he’s lost and what he’s doing to me i want him to love me the way I love him. He was once a really sweet boyfriend but I don’t know what happen to him now. Every Lil thing he tells his gf is a lie whereas with ne his lies can’t be hidden is this a rebound relationship. Please help me to get him back I really Wana change him :( please help me I’m drowning in depression

    • admin
      October 8, 2014 | 1:11 pm

      He seems to be playing you and her (getting physical benefits from both…)

      • shanel
        October 9, 2014 | 4:39 am

        I txted him today saying I’m walking out of his life and he didn’t seem to care much I Wana do the no contact rule but I ll have to see him on Saturday next week for my uni stuff. What do I do

  22. Anon
    October 7, 2014 | 3:33 pm

    Hey Chris

    Thamks for all the great advice so far, break ups are a long journey and without your articles I wouldn’t have been able to get over the break up as I did. I really focused on myself socially physically and academically, I also realized that some of these changes were not just going to help my cause in trying to win him back but made significant improvements in before we broke up.

    I also really took what you said about the ungettable girl and implemented it. I started dressing better, gained so much confidence and also socialized with a lot more people. My ex and I study at the same uni so I decided to expand my social circle and I did become a lot more popular than I was before. I’m pretty sure it didn’t go unnoticed by him.
    He like to “hover” around me, sitting in eye view and around me. If I am sitting with a mutual friend he likes to come up and greet and talk to them unnecessarily even if he did see them earlier on. It feels like he’s getting frustrated that I’m not mourning him and even more frustrated that I’m not caving and running back to him. I haven’t contacted him in about three months now. Recently I made friends with some girls he used to hang out with and he became extremely territorial about them, which is really immature and childish but I’m gonna take a swing and say that it shows that the break up bothers him in some way.
    Chris, he is seeing a girl at the moment for a few months now (she used to flirt with him while we were dating). It doesn’t look like anything too serious considering how she behaves with other guys. But it’s still a huge factor in all of this.

    I still want to be with him Chris, the difference being that I’m not desperate about it anymore. How do you think I should proceed? Should I NC till and if they break up or do I start talking to him at uni or text him?

    Thanks for all the help so far

    • admin
      October 8, 2014 | 12:46 pm

      I think its ok to talk to him… Umm.. you might want to read the updated version of this article if you want better advice.

  23. Sarah
    October 1, 2014 | 10:46 pm

    I had a long distance relationship for almost 2 years. We used to meet for a week or 2 every 2 months. My boyfriend told me he loved me so much but he couldnt take it anymore and he wanted to be single again. This hurt me alot but i got to let him go. I love him so much and it hurts me every second without him. Just after 1 month of our breakup he started seeing another girl. I was in shock when i found out! It shaked my confidence and i started thinking that my relationship with him wasnt as effective as i thought. Of course i had a fight with him. Actually it was only me who was saying things. He said he still loves me but the relationship between us had to stop. After that i tried to be his friend. I can tell that he liked it and he told me ‘i still care about you and i want you to be in my life’ and he was happy that i accepted to be his friend. The other day i saw a photo with his new gf i couldnt take it and it hurt me alot seeing them together. I decided to delete him and block him everywhere, fb, instagram, whatsapp, snapchat. Just everywhere. He sent me a text msg a week later and the message was only ‘Sarah?’ I didnt reply. Now 3 weeks passed and he didnt try to contact me again. Im still feeling the same pain. And i cant stop thinking of him. I really want him back. I am ready to move in with him if the only issue is living apart. I dont know what to do!

    • admin
      October 3, 2014 | 2:20 pm

      Have you read the LDR post?

  24. Shenya
    October 1, 2014 | 6:04 pm

    Dear Chris,
    I tried everything to get my ex but everything went wrong. Now he has found a girlfriend. It stabs my heart. I hate him but in deep I miss him. Is it worth to ask him the reason? Is it worth to tell his new girl that he is my guy but cheated me. Or shall I keep my dignity. I don’t want him back but this hurts me so bad. I want to see he get hurt for what he did to . I feel like revenging. Is it worth doing? Please advice me.
    Thank you

    • admin
      October 3, 2014 | 2:11 pm

      Does this new girl have a rebound sign?

      • Shenya
        October 3, 2014 | 4:45 pm

        No Chris, my guy, never to told anyone about our affair. It was a secret. But suddenly in fb he has put a romantic profile picture with her & changed the relationship status telling he is having a relationship with her while blocking me from smtime. He has told whole world he loves her. It means also they have visited there both houses & agreed for a marraige. I know him well.

        • admin
          October 6, 2014 | 11:24 am

          Yet he cheated on her with you?

  25. Natalie
    September 29, 2014 | 11:07 pm

    So my ex boyfriend and I dated for 2 years. He was my world until he broke up with me so he can be single at college and have freedom. Anyways, I tried to not talk to him over the summer but we would hangout and he’d treat me like we were dating again. He was so cute and sweet whenever we hungout. The last time I saw him I screamed at him for using me and I pushed him. Now, I haven’t talked to him since August. About a week ago I saw that he gave roses to this girl. I felt like I got shot in the heart when I saw the picture with a caption “so so happy and extremely lucky!” We broke up in April but continued to do stuff until July. He broke up with me so he can be single. I had a thing with another guy but the whole time I couldn’t stop thinking about my ex. I need advice! What should I do? I’m still in love with him and Id do anything to be with him for one more day.

    • Natalie
      September 29, 2014 | 11:13 pm

      Also, this girl is not his type. She seems like a goody good. They go to the same college and were friends while we dated. When he is not at college, he lives 4 minutes away from me and 1 1/2 hour from her. She is currently in Europe until next semester while he’s at college. They can only talk trough snapchat and Skype. I feel like I can step back in the picture since she’s in another country.

    • admin
      September 30, 2014 | 2:59 pm

      Why did you go to the other guy though??

      • Natalie
        September 30, 2014 | 7:44 pm

        I honestly don’t know why I did. I guess I was lonely and wanted someone to like me again. He was just a rebound and I don’t talk to him anymore

        • admin
          October 1, 2014 | 3:44 pm

          Understood, I don’t think thats necessarily the best way to handle the situation but I can see where you are coming from.

          He must have obviously been hurt by it.

  26. Laura
    September 29, 2014 | 3:51 pm

    Hi there I need some advice, my ex boyfriend and I split up 3 weeks ago as he felt we weren’t getting on and had outgrew each other. Iv found myself being a crazy stalker ex girlfriend and I never used to be this person. We was together for 10 years and it all came out of the blue, he said he wanted more freedom with his mates and then he was gone. Iv tried the no contact but it’s not working so well I always find myself texting, ringing or emailing him. He said iv dragged him down and he hates me which has really upset me because he’s now on a dating website and dating other girls

    • Natalie
      September 29, 2014 | 11:20 pm

      Your life sounds like mine. I know it’s hard to not talk to your ex but you literally can’t talk to him. You need to give him space and some time to miss you. Improve yourself and make him want again. Oh and I’m the crazy stalker ex too. I had to delete him from everything and his friends. Because once you start stalking you can’t stop. My advice is to completely stop talking to him. Message him in a month and be the sweetest person ever. Be positive and ask him about his life.

      • laura
        September 30, 2014 | 3:30 pm

        Hi the hardest part for me is because we’ve been together 10 years and in 3 weeks of splitting up he’s taking another girl on a date I don’t even know if she’d be classed as a rebound he told me he’s was taking her out etc but it hurts so much. All I want is him back in my life again. Iv been good today no contact at all. I’m scared that in the 30 days no contact that hel forget about me and hel move on with this girl he’s taking out for a date I really don’t know what’s the best solution. Iv lost just over a stone in weight so far intentionally aswell iv started my degree and I’m seeing my friends again all the things he wanted me to do what do you feels for the best xx

        • admin
          October 1, 2014 | 2:18 pm

          It just may be his way of coping with such a drastic life change. I mean, ten years is a long time to be committed to someone so he may hunger for human contact (going out on dates I mean) b/c he is so used to it with you.

          • Laura
            October 1, 2014 | 3:06 pm

            I really want him back and iv started getting back in shape saving doing my courses etc. do you think il get him back of what do you think is the best solution to get him back. He’s been part of my life and to say I miss him would just be an understatement every night I go to bed hurting knowing nhs not here and just writing this is making me cry I just want him back I love everything about our relationship

            • admin
              October 3, 2014 | 1:57 pm

              I think the way your approaching it is really smart. You are definitely raising your chances.

  27. Margaret
    September 18, 2014 | 12:38 am

    I broke up with my boyfriend in July. He got together with my best friend two days after the break up. I got mad and cussed them both out but the appologized. Today I said sorry to him and he forgave me, I said, I missed your guts and hated myself for what I did. Now I just need him and my friend to break up. He forgave me and now we’re friends. I don’t know what to do next. Btw, He’s 17 and I’m 16.

    • admin
      September 18, 2014 | 4:43 pm

      Wow, you have a horrible best friend….

      Is he still with her?

  28. Ailsa
    September 17, 2014 | 6:01 pm

    Here goes my boyfriend of 8yrs upped and left me about 2 months ago now. I had no inkling of it happening or anything. He went away to work nd 2 weeks later he told me via Facebook that he would not be returning as he was happy where he is. 2 weeks after that again via Facebook he told me he had a new girlfriend who is older than him. I have tried the nc rule but it is hard due to the fact we have children together. I blocked him from fb nd within 20 mins he texted me asking why. He came to see the kids a couple of weeks ago now, (he brought the new gf), we had an argument of some description due to him deciding that my youngest needed changing even though he was very smartly dressed. Then a couple of days later I sent him a message telling him that I dudnt want a war with him aviut the kids within 5 mins he was on the phone ti me. Any hekp or ideas would bemuch appreciated

    • admin
      September 18, 2014 | 4:24 pm

      Have you read my latest article about what to do if you have children together regardign NC?

  29. Becky
    September 15, 2014 | 7:03 pm

    Okay, here goes. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. We broke up for a month 2 years ago because he wanted some space. I implemented the NC rule and he came crawling back. Our relationship was awesome since then but then I only found ou in the beginning of this year that he had a one night stand with a girl we both know. I was devastated. but it happened when we were apart and I forgave him and we worked through it. A month ago he broke the news that he wanted to be alone. Wants to enjoy life on his own and discover himself. So I gave that to him because I love him. A week after that he told me that the real reason for the breakup was that he had feelings for this girl. But he knows within himself that he wants to spend his life with me. He just wants to sort out this thing between them. I was using the NC rule again for a week, he went crazy sending me texts and such. Today he told me that his boss called him in to say that he was fired and that he only has 2 months left to work there. He also said that he has also been jealous of me because I’m earning way more money than him. I told him that it doesnt matter to me, I loved him when we both were penniless and I will still continue to love him. I know he needs me but the more I reach out the more he pushes me away. He also said that he and this girl are hanging out and they’re not together and if that happens he needs to be completely over me. So here I am, begging for you to help me. I know he’s going through a really bad time. figuring out what to do next and what to do about his life. But instead of trying to give us a chance he runs to her… Please help me. I want my man back! REALLY WANT HIM IN MY ARMS AGAIN! Please tell me what to do!!!

    • admin
      September 16, 2014 | 3:15 pm

      You are currently doing the NC again right?

  30. Anna
    September 9, 2014 | 4:31 pm

    Hi, so my ex broke up with me earlier this year in March. We had been dating for 9 months before we broke up. He told me that he had lost feelings for me due to long distance. After NC for a month, we ended up meeting up for dessert to talk. Unfortunately, the meet up didnt end as well as I thought it would. At the end of the meet up, he told me that he’s been in love with this girl but due to their age difference, he decided not to pursue her. I was absolutely devastated after hearing he was in love with someone else. Once again, I stopped talking to him.

    Since we go to the same university, we ended up bumping into each other during classes and decided to hang out again. We ended up having a on and off relationship for about 4 months. After classes ended, I went off on vacation for two weeks. I came back finding out he was starting to get involved with one of his high school friend. He told me it was nothing. It wasn’t until a few days ago while we were making movie plans did he tell me that he’s now dating her.

    i’m definitely upset and angry about this but i cant help but want him back.

    What would be the best steps for me to do to get him back in my life even though he has a new gf now? Would having him back in my life even be a good decision?

    • admin
      September 15, 2014 | 3:26 pm

      He told you last minute he was dating someone?

      • Anna
        September 15, 2014 | 9:04 pm

        Well he was at a party when we were talking and I told him to not flirt with too many girls when he’s drunk. He responded by saying he wouldn’t flirt with anyone at the party since he has a new gf.

        They have been going out for a week now and I am still using the NC rule. He has texted me a few times asking me why I haven’t messaged back during the first 3 days of NC. We also bumped into each other at school last Monday and when he saw me, he ran up to me and tried to start a conversation with me.

        Our mutual friends even told me that he has started telling people about his new gf, which I understand is normal. I’m not sure if this is a rebound or if he does like her.

        • admin
          September 16, 2014 | 3:20 pm

          Its still so early and she is still in rebound territory.

          • Anna
            September 17, 2014 | 2:11 am

            I’m currently following the NC rule for a minimum of 30 days. What would my first step be once those 30 days are over?

            • admin
              September 17, 2014 | 4:57 pm

              To contact him. Do you have your text message prepared?

  31. Sarah
    September 9, 2014 | 2:21 am

    What if I was the rebound/filler girl for a couple months and now they’re back together, could I get him back? I was the one who let him go because I started to see contact between the two and wasn’t going to have it. He never chased after me and got back with his ex very quickly. (Which is funny because he was way more in “us” than I was.) So I figure he wasn’t really ever into it and just assured me that I was in fact the rebound. But they have been on and off for years now so that leaves me thinking they wont work out on the long run. I’ve played it cool and havn’t contacted him in three months. I know I can get over him I’m just not sure I want to. But I assume I shouldn’t contact him while still together with his girlfriend…cause he could contact me if he really wanted to… The rebound never wins.

    • admin
      September 15, 2014 | 3:19 pm

      You were the rebound and he is back with his ex now?

  32. Elizabeth
    September 6, 2014 | 7:20 pm

    My ex and I have been off and on for 4 + years, mainly on and off the last 2, because I moved away and he is the love of my life. Two days ago he put another woman and him up on facebook and got over 150 likes, we broke up in July. I made some mistakes by texting and calling, yea I look crazy and like a big nut. In fact I texted, fb message, and called this morning before I found your program. I am sooo devastated, he is my 1st love and my 1st everything, he was not just my lover but my best friend. I am hurting so bad, he told me that we could be just friends, that he does not want me, that we are never ever getting back together, that he still has feelings for me but, that we just don’t connect or click, after 4 + years, we had our difference, but I taught he was my soul mate. I am in so much pain, I just don’t understand, I was so good to him and when he was good to me, before the change happen. I admit that I did become a little codependent and needy, maybe I was sprung, and I am taking the time out to to get me together, mentally, emotionally, financially, spiritually, physically, and everything. I love him so much and the pain is unbearable. It is suppose to be me on his facebook in pictures with him, it is suppose to be me, he is with, and loving. He deleted me off his facebook. I love this man soooooooooo much and just want him back. It is going to be sooo hard not to contact him, but I just want him to come home and be with me forever, I want to be the one he marries and has a child with. I have been with him for 4 + years, why does this new lady get the praise and glory with pictures of them on his facebook. What about all the love we shared, 4 + years of it, it was not perfect, but I never would of ended things. PLEASE HELP ME.



    • admin
      September 15, 2014 | 2:59 pm

      So, essentially you are long distance right now?

  33. Elizabeth
    September 5, 2014 | 5:21 pm

    My ex and I have been off and on for 4 + years, mainly on and off the last 2, because I moved away and he is the love of my life. Two days ago he put another woman and him up on facebook and got over 150 likes, we broke up in July. I made some mistakes by texting and calling, yea I look crazy and like a big nut. In fact I texted, fb message, and called this morning before I found your program. I am sooo devastated, he is my 1st love and my 1st everything, he was not just my lover but my best friend. I am hurting so bad, he told me that we could be just friends, that he does not want me, that we are never ever getting back together, that he still has feelings for me but, that we just don’t connect or click, after 4 + years, we had our difference, but I taught he was my soul mate. I am in so much pain, I just don’t understand, I was so good to him and when he was good to me, before the change happen. I admit that I did become a little codependent and needy, maybe I was sprung, and I am taking the time out to to get me together, mentally, emotionally, financially, spiritually, physically, and everything. I love him so much and the pain is unbearable. It is suppose to be me on his facebook in pictures with him, it is suppose to be me, he is with, and loving. He deleted me off his facebook. I love this man soooooooooo much and just want him back. It is going to be sooo hard not to contact him, but I just want him to come home and be with me forever, I want to be the one he marries and has a child with. I have been with him for 4 + years, why does this new lady get the praise and glory with pictures of them on his facebook. What about all the love we shared, 4 + years of it, it was not perfect, but I never would of ended things. PLEASE HELP ME.



    • admin
      September 15, 2014 | 2:29 pm

      You sound very hurt.

      I think if you show him that you are way more valuable than any other girl you can do well.

      What was the reason for the break up this time?

  34. Diane
    September 5, 2014 | 1:17 pm

    I was with my boyfriend for 6 years and I caught him cheating and found our they where together for almost a year he is still with her. I also found out that she is pregnant and it is a possibility it could be his child. He said that she was with him and later found out she had also has been with other guys as well during the same time they where together so he is not sure who she is pregnant by. He still want to remain friends and he tells me he made a mistake and he still love me. I do talk to him on the phone 1 or 2 times a day sometimes there has been times that I miss a day or two without speaking to him at all so when that happens it do not like it so he keeps calling over and over again nonstop until he knows that am not going to answer his calls. I have not completed started the no contact rule. What should I do?

    • admin
      September 15, 2014 | 2:21 pm

      Wow he sounds like a complete scumbag. Are you sure you want him back after what he did? I don’t think I could forgive someone for what he did if it happened to me.

  35. Michelle
    September 5, 2014 | 12:18 am

    I met a guy in April. He had dated a girl for 3 years before that. She broke up with him in January. She never hung out with this friends (met them only once in 3 years). She ended things with him abruptly and said it was because he spent too much time with his friends.

    We dated for 4 months. It got serious very quickly and we were spending 4-5 nights a week together. By month 3 we were saying I love you and planning a future. We met each other’s friends and families. He told me he’s never been happier in his whole life. We continued to hang out with his friends a few nights a week and I was happily accepted by all of them. We became friends too.

    At the end of month 4 she contacted him after we saw her at a social occasion. She saw us very happy together and got jealous. He told me he had unresolved feelings for her. He said he still loves me and he was happier with me. But he doesn’t think it’s fair to date me when he has these unresolved feelings. So he has to try to figure everything out.

    It’s been 2 weeks and they are back together. But nothing has changed. He still hangs out with his friends. She (to my knowledge) does not. I am in the middle of no contact now.

    I do want him back if there is any way. I hope that because their relationship didn’t work before that it will fail again. He was honest with me, and as hurt as I am I do appreciate how he handled the situation.

    Do you think there is hope of getting him back? Any tips on what to do after no contact? I realize I was the rebound here…but if the rebound relationship is a happier, better fit…it just feels like he might be back.

    Any advice would be great.

    • admin
      September 5, 2014 | 12:35 pm

      Yes, text him and slowly build attraction!

  36. Gigi
    September 4, 2014 | 8:05 pm

    Oh, and this is our second relationship. We dated back in 2012 for a couple of months in the summer. Then got back together last September, for 9 months. He was great and romantic, except for his wondering eye and incredible need for female reaffirmation… which he is working on, away from me, and -sadly- while dating other women.

    • admin
      September 5, 2014 | 12:29 pm

      I think I just answered you already :)

      • Gigi
        September 5, 2014 | 3:40 pm

        Yes, so sorry about that! I thought they would go togehter, thanks!!

  37. jen
    September 4, 2014 | 8:01 pm

    My son father doesn’t want to work things out any more he’s in love with his new gf abs been with her for a month only I’m bury bc I want my family back im trying the NC but I’m scared I might lose him he’s also so confusing like when he kisses me goodbye he almost kiss me and he always finding some reason to txt me but tells me he’s happy and not in love with me please help uI want my family back

    • admin
      September 5, 2014 | 12:27 pm

      Looks really good to me. Have you read the 2.0 version of this article?

  38. Gigi
    September 4, 2014 | 7:58 pm

    Hi Chris- I’m so devastated and dopamine deprived! I walked off on my ex almost 3 months ago ( June 10)due to his wondering eye. I did NC for 5 weeks and we saw each other again on July 15. It was a good date, he showed all signs (touch, tears, reminiscing on the relationship,etc. Sadly, he went on a trip a week later, and we rehashed the whole relationship on chat, I heard he was dating someone from his office. A marathon of pain. He brushed off his dating, said he had not closed the book on us,assured me he’s working on himself to be better “for us, or another partner in the future”. I initiated most contact after he returned in August. He was different, answering hours or a day later. We met for drinks 2 weeks ago and again he was warm, affectionate (though a bit more distant), this time I didn’t put my walls up, but reciprocated. He tried to explain his wrongdoing and said he still was working on himself. He said he “missed us” and “I think about you a lot”. I kissed him -and he reciprocated-. 3 days later he was initiating contact. Then a week later, silence. a Week later, I had to stop by his apartment to pick up a document and he was away for the long weekend. He seemed a bit nervous about the mess, but said ok. That’s when I knew… everything of us was gone. There were clear signs of him seeing someone else. He left me a whatsapp message days later, saying he is “seeing someone consistently”, this is his 2nd. woman in 2.5 months. He wants to concentrate on this “even though he can’t tell if it’ll workout” and how “I’m very special and I want us to be close” “I still miss you,I think about you, and us. I’m thankful for everything we shared”. After many messages he finally called last Thursday. I answered calm and in good spirits trying to seem “cool”. He explained this is someone he’d gone on dates and was now doing well with (!), he wants to be “better to her by listening to all the things he should’ve done better with me”. He also mentioned noticing last week how I’m moving on too -I unfriended him on FB, but he still checks up on me and likes whatever is public. He saw a location post for an event out of town in which my old ex bf was tagged-. I told him I’m going on dates. I’m taking it easier because I don’t want to rebound on anyone, especially not an old ex because he is a dear friend,and I love him. I wish you much love and finding whatever it is you need. He sounded sad and said, yes, you deserve it. Later at dinner w/friends, including that other ex, I was tagged at a restaurant having fun. I felt better, turning the tables a bit. 2 days later he sent me a whatsapp message telling me he’s working on not glancing at other women, apologizing for putting me through that in the past, and wishing I was doing well. -I can’t understand him. He’s got a new gf, yet wants me close JIC? I answered a days later with a “yes, it was hurtful. I hope you’re well too”. I haven’t heard from him in 5 days and I wonder what should I do now. NC again? LC? how? I do want him to be better, but not with another woman… ugh. this hurts.

    • admin
      September 5, 2014 | 12:26 pm

      Well, if you left him b/c of his eye… (does he know that was the reason you left?)

      • Gigi
        September 5, 2014 | 3:59 pm

        Hey there, Thanks for replying!- Yes, he does. That’s why I can’t understand his telling me about his new gf -but wanting us to be “close”, the mixed messages, or his “working to be better, growing, etc” -the last conversation made me feel like I regained control and allow him to do the reaching instead.

        Could this be another rebound? (he’s been seeing other 2 women),none of these girls are “his type”. Also, he kept telling mutual friends “We are on a break figuring things out”, and all of the sudden he is happy with someone he’s gone on a couple of dates with? I wonder if he went totally cold overnight after seeing my closeness w/ex on FB.

        What should I do next? By the guide I should go NC again, but I have no idea what tactics can be effective anymore. :(

        • Gigi
          September 17, 2014 | 7:43 pm

          hello Chris, “Yoda”. This is a painful chess game played by a cat and a mouse! I went NC for almost 3 weeks, and he went on full on pursuit after me immediately. All type of emails, from “Thinking of you” “thinking of you often, hoping you are warm tonight”, to “can we chat” “memories of us” “I’m grateful for us”, “I think of us often”, the works!leaving me messages apologizing for the past, etc. 1-2 every day.

          Last night he sent me an email about recording a song he wrote for me (at a studio with his band)and asking me to stop by. I -finally- answered. I told him I didn’t know if it would be appropriate, but he insisted this was our story. Then I told him I wold check if it was ok with my new bf. He immediately said “it might not be a good idea because we both have ppl in our lives we need to respect, even though I would love to have you there”. I thank him for being understanding. He then sent me: “:-( I hope it could be different and you could be there for us”.

          This morning I sent him a response saying that HE was Right, this is our story, and there would be other ppl present, so I would stop by. He answered “I’m torn. I want you there, and this is our life. I would love to share this moment with you, but the person I’m seeing would be deeply wounded to even know we are talking about this” (WTF! he reversed it!) – So I waited and answered cheerfully ” No worries, I was just reconsidering your invitation and your opinion. I wouldn’t want to inconvenience her or my bf. I’ll be there in spirit. Be well :) He answered: “You will be there in spirit, and I’ll think of you as I sing”. NOTE: all my responses were about 1 Hr. delayed, his were 3-5 minutes.

          So, please help me decode this: 1) is this good? 2) Did I lose stronghold or was I able to reverse it to him? 3) I don’t think he is so into her if he is chasing after me every day, and as of last night, very set on seeing me at the studio. He moved and sent me his new address too. Should I go back to LC or NC? I am a bit lost. He only refers to her as “The person I’m seeing”. What now?

          • admin
            September 18, 2014 | 4:30 pm

            1. I don/t think its bad.

            2. I say go back to LC for a couple of weeks or so.

            • Gigi
              October 6, 2014 | 9:53 pm

              Hello Chris. I went total NC for almost 3 weeks now (until Friday night. In that time several things happened. 1) He broke off w/new gf a day later. 2) He started contacting 2 mutual friends (incld. my best gf) asking them to let me know he is available, and wondering if I would consider dating him again. 3) Started sending me daily emails and texts about missing me, and how he thinks about me all the time.

              On Friday night he sent me this email about wanting to see me if it was appropriate. I told him it was late and we could have coffee the next day. Then he suggested brunch. I accepted. We had a sweet and fun time. He talked about ALL the changes in his life, incl. job promotions, taking time on “his own” to be a better partner, improving his life, being sorry for things going bad on our breakup, hurting me, etc. Brunch turned into wine tasting an hour away, near a Reserve he always wanted me to see waterfalls. There he told me how he loves me, wants a life with me, how he thinks of me all the time and every day, etc. I also got to know his last 3 girls were from eHarmony (!?) As it got later, we went hiking, then he suggested we stayed in the lodge (I KNOW!!) So, yes. I messed up with ex-sex. Which by the way, was very romantic, all full of I love you.

              The next morning, he was still sweet, wanting to show me more stuff. I was feeling guilt ridden as hell. I was seeing someone -whom I had just a couple of days before asked for a break)and felt bad. he then changed the tune a bit. He told me how “this time apart is important for me to grow, even if the risk is losing us -again!”, how he seems me as the mother of his children, how he always thinks of me for future plans, Christmas, every day life. I just don’t get it :(
              He said to be looking for someone who can be his peer, it freaked me out, since our educational levels are different and he is an Ivy leaguer. But how the big problem is that he cannot -yet- find the connection and emotional depth we have in other other women. Indeed this is what made him break up with them.

              We said goodbyes last night, lots of kissing and hugging -mostly from him- telling me he loves me blah blah… Sent me an email with “I miss you baby” 2 hours later, another hour later a looong email explaining why he needs this time to be “alone” (but dating of course) He has not closed the book on us, but wants to be a better man, partner and hold his head up high (Huh??) and how he admires I loved him through his dark times. I answered today, trying to be cool (and somewhat proud)telling him I appreciate he thinks about me everyday, and how much he says to love me. It was nice to get perspective of us. I’m at peace, and it was nice to hold his hand one last time. He answered right away with a “I hope this is not the last time.” What should I do? he was chasing me like crazy for 3 weeks, even broke it off with the rebound. Asking friends, and now this? I know I overstayed the date -he pushed for that relentlessly. and I had ex-sex. Argh! What now? –I feel numb. Thanks!

              • admin
                October 7, 2014 | 1:46 pm

                I think I already advised you…

                • Gigi
                  October 7, 2014 | 4:21 pm

                  Oh thanks! (and sorry!) I’m trying to find where I posted.

  39. Erika
    August 15, 2014 | 3:31 am

    I met my ex-boyfriend last year in January and we were a hit after just a couple weeks of talking. We both were really happy – though I have depression which caused random outbursts of cries at night for no reason or the reason being I didn’t feel like I was a good girlfriend since I forgot to text him since I still wasn’t used to being in a relationship… Mind you, he was also my first serious relationship too (we both met each other’s immediate and extended families and my relationships before him weren’t nearly as special or intimate)… Also, my very last relationship before him was with a very abusive guy who never learned to control his anger (but that’s a story for another day).
    But he was supportive of me and always reassured me that everything was alright and that things would be different since I was with him, that we’d be together in the long run, and that he and I agreed to remain celibate until marriage. We would do a whole bunch of activities together and planned trips we would like to take further down our relationship. We thought this would work because we were each other’s best-friends, or so I thought… The summer after we started dating I went on multiple trips with my family, making it more “long-distance” since we could only see each other physically for really only a few days from what we had from those summer moths. Fast forward to August 2013 after spending nearly my entire summer away from him (planned before I even met him) and not even a week after fall semester starts, he breaks up with me. No warning signs, it was just a really abrupt break-up I never saw coming. Just the Sunday before he broke up with me he acted different toward and would refrain from using names throughout our conversations. Then the morning of he never texted me at all until he caught up with me in one of the only classes we had signed up together for.
    He never said why we broke up. He gave me reasons that were too simplistic, superficial or vague. He only complained that he didn’t understand the Latin mass when I brought him to church with me on Sunday’s. My family isn’t used to having the “baby” of the family date – it’s going to be awkward, but I didn’t know it bothered him so much. Then he said his feelings had changed when literally the week before the break-up happened he just talked about how he couldn’t wait to spend his life with me with such great detail since we supposedly would “do this for the long haul”.
    We never dropped the classes where we were together in and for the first couple months after, he still acted like my boyfriend or from other people’s perspective’s “a really comforting best-friend slowly trying to get out of the friend zone”. He would still call me saying he loved me at night and text me how I’m doing – but when the initial heartache happened, I just didn’t want to talk to him… It only makes sense, doesn’t it? I still wanted him back and once I felt like I could talk to him (after the NCR) it seemed pointless to him now. I reached out to him casually and really was the only one trying to make “the friendship work”. And no matter how many times anyone would ask he never disclosed the real reason to fully comprehend… Then he also made a reason that he just wanted to focus on his studies and not get distracted with a relationship. And really, only his cousin, who used to be a mutual friend between us was the only one who knew about the break-up from his family until the new year rolled around.
    I hadn’t talked to my since the year started hoping it would change anything – when it didn’t. I still missed him when I tried the NCR again wrote “letters” to him still and would “send” them my best-friend to read since I didn’t want to send them to him – but I assume she CCed them to him since she always tries being a matchmaker. Then Lent started and I gave up social media up until after spring break since I got into an accident resulting in retrograde amnesia and told people of my condition since people were offended I couldn’t remember them.
    I didn’t remember anything about him when that happened and my family was glad since because my said depression got worse that I had to see my psychiatrist since it took a big chunk out of me and whilst helping me regain my memory she passed away from a stroke. However, I have family in the government, the armed forces – among others that tried to hide anything that reminded me of him or anything I sent to my friends.
    He contacts me. I say I don’t remember. No one will tell me who he is to me. I tried texting waiting a few days if he didn’t answer and try again. I tried calling him, no answer, which resulted in a block call still going to voicemail… And even so, I planned what I would say since I didn’t know who this guy was – but then he called me a liar. Especially to lie about something as serious as a case of amnesia is one of the worst and lowest things a person could do and he wanted nothing to do with me since I wouldn’t confess to “my lie”.
    I haven’t talked to him at all after that. I still tried remembering him. And truth be told, I didn’t even remember what he looked like until a friend told me he always looks at me when he sees me when I walk by… Then Easter Sunday happened. And then I remembered everything because I went to meet his entire family Easter the year before which brought me to tears.
    And now, to present day I see he has a new girlfriend… When he said he didn’t want to be “distracted” when he was with me.
    And I miss talking to my best-friend and being a dork with someone I finally got to open up to and not be afraid to be judged. As I first mentioned, we were really happy until one weekend he just acted different and decided to call it off after our first day of class together. I still think of him everyday, I write in a journal saying things about my day wishing I were saying it to him or remembering things that reminded me of him. The only thing I’m afraid of is him not wanting any part of me anymore even though I want him to be happy. I just want us to be a part of each other’s lives, but how I still wish he were mine.

    • admin
      August 15, 2014 | 2:52 pm

      Wait, are you still blocked?

    • anne
      August 16, 2014 | 2:46 am

      hey, I am so sorry for your situation. I am somewhat in the same situation and it’s sad…and I am praying to whether i should forget about my guy or I should ask God to perform a miracle for him to come back to me. Every day I do hope he will send me a text, a message for an email. I will pray for you. Anne

    • Ayden
      September 1, 2014 | 1:14 pm

      My boyfriend and I were together about a year and
      My best friend lanie started getting wierd and then so did he
      They talked a lot Nd I got really jealous I tried no to show it but
      It was really hard and he then broke up with me and to my COMPLETE
      suprise he dated my best friend I couldn’t belive it my life seemed over and
      I was so depressed friends did everything they could to brake them up and they did for a day and then they dared 1 day after that brake up I was so mad I tried every website song everything you can imagine to get over my situation I jut really wanna know what to do? Please help

  40. pratishtha
    August 14, 2014 | 2:18 pm

    i was in a relationship sin 2 n a half years v were very serious for each other but differences startd to come last year ,i was in 11 n v had same class few days were good but he broke up giving lame reasons that his parents got to know from a priest i dont know how ,but he soon started to search new girls he kept on searching and tried on many but got none but he tried to contact me througha mutual fried ,i refused to talk to him he tried 3-4 times but i did not reply ,now a girl likes him since i dont how long n she s a prostitute kind of person when my ex got to know about her liking he proposed her ,when he was with me he used to hate her the most like anythin
    i just want to be friends with him or may even plan to date him in future if i find him eligible please give me suugestions to go on further

    • admin
      August 15, 2014 | 2:34 pm

      I am confused… he is dating a prostitute?

  41. nikki
    August 14, 2014 | 12:54 pm

    My boyfriend and I were together for almost eight years. He is my first boyfriend and love. We have two little girls together and one on the way. We have been split up for almost two months and he already as another girlfriend. He met her at work, they were friends while we were together. I know that he didn’t cheat on me, he has very strong morals. Anyways two weeks after we split was when I found out that I was pregnant with our third child. The reason he left was because of the last two years have been very stressful for the both of us, and instead of talking we yelled and each other, and where very mean to each other. I have not done the NC. Since our break up. In fact I have done very thing else to begging and pleading. We still talk everyday. He confuses me because on moment he says that he misses us and ands to spend time with me, and the next its don’t ever call him again. I don’t know what to do any more. I just want us to be a family again. Is it to late?

    • nikki
      August 14, 2014 | 1:27 pm

      My boyfriend and I were together for almost eight years. He is my first boyfriend and my first love. We have two little girls together and one on the way. We have been split up for almost two months and he already as another girlfriend. He met her at work, they were friends while we were together. I know that he didn’t cheat on me, he has very strong morals. Anyways two weeks after we split was when I found out that I was pregnant with our third child. The reason he left was because of the last two years have been very stressful for the both of us, and instead of talking we yelled and each other, and we were very mean to each other. I have not done the NC. Since our break up. In fact I have done very thing else,
      begging and pleading. We still talk everyday. He confuses me because on moment he says that he misses us and he wants to spend time with me, and the next its don’t ever call him again. I don’t know what to do any more. I just want us to be a family again. Is it to late? And I don’t understand how he could of moved on so quickly with this girl. He tells me that she is crazy and stresses him out all the time. But that he has developed very strong feelings for her. He tells me that sometimes he is happy with her but he misses me all the time, but he is afraid things will go back to being the way they were before he left. Ive told him a million times that they won’t but it doesn’t do any good. I just don’t know what to do. He says that this girl is not ur average girl and that she is really special, and she tells him that she has never met someone like him and that he completes her. But they have only been together for two months. I don’t understand. What do I do, do I even have a chance?

    • admin
      August 15, 2014 | 2:25 pm

      Does he know about the other child on the way?

  42. Jenni
    August 13, 2014 | 11:09 pm

    First off, I’m going to start by saying that he isn’t the type of person that the no contact rule would work on, I think.

    We were together for 6 years and almost 2 months.

    A little about our relationship:
    We met online through a mutual friend when he was 25 and I was 18. We didn’t like each other at first, not going to lie. We talked for a couple of months and decided that the other wasn’t so bad! I’m going to guess about 6 months after we started talking, we fell in love. We never met face to face but we web cammed and talked on MSN messenger (when it was a thing) every day. We were always excited to talk to each other. We even made a list of everything we had in common.

    I was ready to meet him, and he wanted to meet me. I told my dad “hey, I like this guy. I’m boarding a train to see him in Indiana.” He didn’t like the idea of that so he let him come to stay here for about a week. It was great. I had sex for the first time, we strolled the beach every day; we went and got ice cream; life was amazing. I was so happy and so was he. I decided to move to Indiana with him. We packed up my stuff and loaded it into the car… And on we went. We had a lot of… Fun on the ride up there.

    Our first small argument was quickly extinguished. I was a little bummed shortly after getting there because I was homesick, but he understood. The next 6 months were great. I had a job. He got his check every month. We had a roommate (that mutual friend I mentioned), and the bills were… Normally paid easily. In February, we decided to move to Florida so he could be near his mom.

    The drive was long but nothing went wrong. But a month after we got to Florida, things weren’t exactly the same. I knew he had some mental issues, which is why he gets disability checks every month. He wasn’t on medication at the time and wasn’t seeing a doctor. We started on to fight a bit. I pleaded with him to go see a doctor. He did and he got medicated. We were happy again! A few spats here and there but nothing major. That’s normal in any relationship.

    About… I would say 4 years of being together is where it startedbto get a little sour again. I had lost my job (luckily he just finished paying off his car) so money was very very tight. So tight that we couldn’t eat anything for a week. I got a job, but I hatednit. I made food money with it, but I was happier struggling financially than working there. So I quit. I got another job 2 months later and actually stayed there until he broke up with me, and the only reason I left was because I had to move back to Virginia, but I’ll get to that later. Times were still tough. His mom’s health was, and still is, getting worse, so we all moved in together so we could take care of her and all 3 of us would be bettwr financially. The problem is, his mom has always hated me. She talked about me to him behind my back and always blamed me for everything, even I’d he did the same thing.

    We also had sexual frustration. I have a low libido so I don’t want to have sex that much. It feels great but I just can’t get myself into the mood. He was never a huge fan of a lot of foreplay. His depression over the past year or so got worse so he needs to be remedicated and gets two new doctors. The pills work great, for the most part. He still had suicidal thoughts from time to time but he’s always going to have those. We argue a lot more after his mom gets moved in with us. Just over little things. I know I’m partially to blame. I don’t clean as much as I should. His mom wanted me to baby him though, like filling his pill pocket for him. He didn’t want to be babied. She added a lot of strain on our relationship, in case you were wondering.

    The house I just left was a beautiful corner house with fruit trees and a fences in yard for our 2 dogs. And I thought he was happy for the most part. He tried to break up with me a few times, but I asked him to stay. We worked it out. I would fix some problems I was having, but the next time he would try to break up again, he would say the same problem is there. He also says I act immature sometimes and I’m loud and that the age difference is just too much. I think its his mom talking through him.

    A pregnant homeless girl comes into my work, and naturally I feel bad for her. So I give her a little food and when my ex gets there to pick me up, I introduce them and I said we should give her some help. He agreed, so we gave her $40 and dropped her off at Kmart because there was a shelter near there she said. I was worried about her the whole night so the next day before work, I told him he should look for her to see if she was ok.

    Work was over and he did find her. He moved her into the house. I thought it was temporary. I was wrong. I was trying to hold his hand all day and he wouldn’t let me, so I ask him. He says it’s because he has a crush on the other girl. I’m devastated. I talk to her and she promises that she wouldn’t do anything to break us up. What a crock of ****. The next day, he says he wants not end it with me because he “wants to be happy”.

    The morning after next, he has a mental breakdown to the point of throwing up because he ” doesn’t know what to do.” I console him and hold him while he sleeps. Keep in mind, then previous night, we cuddled in the same bed. The day of the mental breakdown, we talk and o tell him my concerns
    She informed me that she had an STD, so I tell him. He says he didn’t want to be with someone with an STD, so he decided we could start over. I had my hopes too high. Apparently it wasn’t an STD like she told me. It was just an infection that can be cured with antibiotics. So he wants her again. A day or two later, his mom threatens to kick me out of the house, even though I’m on the lease. Freaking out, I call my mom and she arranges to co.e get me 3 days later. The rest of the time I’m there, when he isn’t out with her, hes in with me, kissing me, hugging me, holding me, apologizing to me, and he even let me ***** sex after they already started on going out, so he cheated on her with me. He told me every day that if hehad any doubts about them as a couple, he would break it off and take me back, because he still loved me. He said he missed me already before I even left. I still believe he loves me.

    I did the worst thing I could do: I spam called him today and now he won’t talk to me. It took me a long time of being here to not cry all day. I went 3 days without eating. She restricted him talking to me. Then she said it was ok as long as I slowed it down, which I did.

    Two days in a row, he texted me at night making suicide threats. He finds out that she is a schizophrenic and breaks up with her yesterday. He apologized to me and said that he never meant to hurt me and that deep down, he knows both at he needs me. I cried there because I’ve been waiting for him to say that for a long time. So we talk for a long time and come to the conclusion that we could start over and just talk online like we did before and make a new relationship. I even said I would drop pet names if it made it easier.

    Last night, she gave him ***** and changed his mind about leaving her. He told me that he “doesn’t want to make the same mistake again.” But he is making the mistake again of he’s looking for happiness. He promised me that he wouldn’t continue with her. He still feels skeptical about her to this second, but he said he would rather have this than to have nothing.

    He has a very large emotional wall and he’s afraid of getting hurt. Right now he has me blocked from contact because I… Kind of spam texted. When he told me he was back with her, I explained that he should be single and that I wasn’t trying to get him back, because I need to work pnxsome things for a while and so does he. He didn’t like the fact that I didn’t want to drop it when he did, so he stopped talking. I spam called him and then he blocked me. And as far as I know, he still has me blocked. Normally when he got mad, he would come out of it. He does things he doesn’t mean when he gets mad and he regrets it later, so he might unblock me later, but I’m afraid she won’t let him.

    I miss him. I miss my dogs. I miss my house. I miss my life with him. He was, and still is, my everything. I would so almost anything to just talk to him and tell him how sorry I am.

    Idk what to do. This is killing me inside.

    How do I steal him back? I used to think this was a “night in shining armor” type of infactuation with her, but now I think he’s blind. She is clearly using him so she has a place to live.

    Nobody she has shacked up withxletsnher stay for long. Shes 30 and pregnant with a 60 year old’s kids. And without us, age would still be homeless or in jail, because we took her to her court case too. She would have missed not without us. And she wouldn’t have gotten her 3 meds she needed.

    What do I do?

    • Jenni
      August 13, 2014 | 11:32 pm

      I’m really afraid that the no contact rule won’t work with my ex. He is stubborn and has a type of bi polar and has depression, which makes him anti social anyway. He has a gf now, but I don’t see it lasting long at all. But if he really does end it with her, or wants to end it with her, and he texts me feeling suicidal (which he normally does tell me when he feels like that), how do I handle that if I do the no contact rule? I told him I would always be there for him if he’s having those thoughts. He means too much to me for me to ignore a suicide plan.

      • Jenni
        August 15, 2014 | 11:03 am

        I am in a major panic mode. He still won’t talk to me. I’m starting to have certain thoughts that I’m afraid to have.

    • admin
      August 14, 2014 | 12:47 pm

      ….. this is by far the most bizarre thing I have ever heard… He left you for a pregnant woman who had an STI and is cheating on her with you. Do I have this right?

      • Jenni
        August 14, 2014 | 12:53 pm

        He only did it one time, and I kept asking for like 4 days. I was in my denial phase, I guess. They never slept together BTW. He said he wanted to take it slow. I would really like your insight.

      • Jenni
        August 14, 2014 | 6:34 pm

        Here’s a small update, but a bad one. I texted him just to see how he’s doing and he said, “didn’t I tell you to fuck off? I don’t know how you keep getting around my SMS block.”

        I’m crushed. I don’t know if he will ever talk to me again, even if they stop seeing each other. He normally gets over his anger over night but he’s really mad this time. I’m so scared. I don’t want my life without him.

        • admin
          August 15, 2014 | 2:40 pm

          I’m thinking it may be time to not contact him for a good while…. He obviously still has some anger.

          • Jenni
            August 15, 2014 | 3:21 pm

            I’m afraid he will never talk to me again. He is the love of my life. :( I’m so hurt. I’ve lost 5 pounds in 2 days from not eating and stress.

            • admin
              August 18, 2014 | 12:15 pm

              First things first, you need to take care of yourself before anything.

          • Jenni
            August 15, 2014 | 11:07 pm

            I had to contact him earlier to see if my birth certificate was mailed. He gave a short answer and said “bye”. A few hours later, I ask him if this not talking time thing is forever or just for now. He says it’s forever. I told him I would stop texting him if he would just explain what I did to make him so mad. He responded with, “Then I’m blocking you. Get around it again and I’m changing numbers. Now good fucking bye.”

            I feel like my life is over and that I don’t want to be here anymore.

            • Jenni
              August 16, 2014 | 8:18 pm

              Alright ignore that last comment. I was at the beach today writing (I found last night that writing helps me) and the whole time, I had a feeling he would text me. L

              I got home and started to play some video games for a dew hours and when I checked my phone, he had sent me 3 texts. I am so happy. He said he wants me back when his lease is up. :)

  43. Taylor Clark
    August 13, 2014 | 9:56 pm

    so I did the 30 day no contact rule with my ex, and long story short we started talking again. I asked him to spend the night, and he did. he is always there when I need him. but that night he told me he likes this girl. then told me he thinks him and I should be best friends. But that night we kissed and he held me and told me he will always be here for me no matter what, and he told me “best friends don’t do this so what are we?” and I said I don’t know and he said we could be anything and I told him I don’t want to put a label on it. I text him every day, and he replies but he doesn’t really seem like he wants to talk. what should I do?

    • admin
      August 14, 2014 | 12:28 pm

      So, let me get this straight.

      You invite him over…

      He comes, tells you he likes another girl and then kisses you?

      That’s weird… on his part.

      He must not like this girl very much becuase (no offense to you) it’s extremely disrespectful to her.

  44. Edith Orbigoso
    August 13, 2014 | 2:47 pm

    I’m very happy i found this web site it’s giving me hope to get my boyfriend back.but, I want to learn more.

    • admin
      August 14, 2014 | 11:06 am

      What would you like to learn more about?

  45. Evonne
    August 13, 2014 | 1:54 pm

    My ex broke up with me in May. He had new relationship after that and he and his current gf looks happy tgt. But i really wanna him back…i have applied NC for almost one month. i wonder if NC works for me in this situation?

    • admin
      August 14, 2014 | 11:00 am

      It can be effective in this situation. I would give it a try.

  46. Shannon
    August 13, 2014 | 11:42 am

    Hey Chris (replying here from another thread) and responding to your questions about our age and what I’d do if I get another chance:

    My ex is 36 (the rebound is 29)… Yeah, alot of people don’t believe it when we say the “dog got between us”. But believe it or not, it’s common for dog TRAINERS to hear. It’s definitely fixable but requires some behavioral training and I still plan to get it done.

    The new girl is an ‘attention whore’, she’s insecure and she tries to play the victim. But we all (family, friends, myself) see right through her. She’s one of the main reasons for this situation. We don’t excuse him either but she didn’t respect he was in a relationship, she broke the “girl code” and she took advantage of his vulnerability, etc…

    Good question (yours – at the end)… If the opportunity to get back together happens, I guarantee it won’t be that simple. He needs to earn my trust, first. I’m not the type to hold grudges so if it came to a point to discuss what happened, I’d hope that he would man up and take accountability for what happened. I wouldn’t want to ask, I’d want him to be comfortable enough to ‘want’ to tell me. When he does, I’ll ‘thank him’ and tell him “ok, let’s just move on from this and never bring up the past and focus on a much stronger and better future together.” People make mistakes and although there’s no excuse for what he did, he HAS apologized. But like I said, I wouldn’t just take him back… He’d pretty much have to ‘date me all over again’ and then I could decide whether or not I trust him enough to have a new relationship. If I didn’t believe that what we had and what we are together was worth a second chance, I wouldn’t even bother. I am a firm believer of “if it ain’t broke – don’t fix it”. But for some reason, I believe this “break” was meant to happen so that I could learn from the mistakes I made in our (last) relationship and so that he could, as well… Also, he needed to experience this rebound, because she is nothing but temptation in many forms. He needs to realize that grass isn’t as green as he thought and that he had the BEST girlfriend he could ever have (me). :0)

    And if we don’t get that second chance, it clearly wasn’t meant to be… But I believe we were.

    He isn’t as difficult as he HAS been during this relationship. Like I said, we ALL see it and he’s NOT himself around her.

    Since my last upsetting message to you (about the threat of marriage), he DID see the photo of me and my hot, guy friend and actually made a comment, LIKED the photo and a couple days later, went back to my profile and liked the comment my guy friend made (weird)? So he WAS jealous, wasn’t he? :0)

    The latest (as of 8/6) is I talked to one of his BFFs and she said he said (when she asked about me) “She seems to be doing really well and she’s apparently dating some dude”. (I’m not, of course – he just assumed from the photo). Also, because it’s been over 30 days NC, I figured it was ok to ease back in contact with him. So I messaged him on FB (instead of text), only because SHE is always around him and she doesn’t regulate his FB like she does his text msgs… I was creative, but casual… Thanked him for something he dropped off (that I wanted) weeks ago… He replied about an hour later with “No problem”… I initiated some casual convo with him while being light-hearted and “fun”… He’s been replying back right away. He mentioned he was gonna be out of town for another month (because they were supposed to go to Hawaii) but due to the weather, they ended up coming back ‘home’ this past Monday.

    He and I have been messaging back and forth and quite a bit in the past day. He mentioned how he doesn’t remember how long it’s been since we’ve even talked (because it’s been well over 30-45 days of NC/LC) and I suppose he appreciated “talking” again (since we were friends for over a decade, etc.). So my reply last night was casual but somewhat ‘flirty’ – I was myself and he had mentioned how he isn’t crazy about eating healthier (as he had been with her) and was craving burgers lol He also said “I can tell you’ve lost weight”. (I wasn’t a cow but was thick and have lost about 15-20 lbs since the breakup, improving myself, etc.). So I just mentioned how I was eating healthier and said I hadn’t had a burger in months and ended my reply with “Maybe we could meet up and grab one, some time…”

    His reply seemed like maybe he had been drinking because it wasn’t as fluid as his other responses (and I saw on his Instagram that he was out at a lounge). LOL He said “Losing a friend is always hard. How are things with your new guy?”

    Please don’t tell me I’ve been “friend zoned” :0( He was the one that was initially asking me more questions (I was keeping some mystery and being brief with my answers earlier in our messages. I had changed jobs and he asked if I was still at the old place. I said I wasn’t and that I had a new job. I wanted him to ‘ask’ me where I was working vs me volunteering that info. Well, he asked where I worked and I told him, etc.). I don’t know what to do or say at this point. He’s still with that girl… He didn’t respond to my suggestion about ‘meeting up for burgers’… My BFF thinks things ARE going in the right direction and I AM “playing the right cards, etc.”. I dunno though… I DID use a nostalgic text/message prior to yesterday’s convo and got an immediate response and light-hearted response from him. What now? Thanks!!!

    [Email me so we can discuss you being on my show…Would love that! I am sure alot of peeps can benefit from you and your website because you’re awesome! We have 2 other stations and one or both of them may want to also feature you. :0) Hit me up! And thank you!]

    • admin
      August 15, 2014 | 2:18 pm

      Hi Shannon!

      I am so glad to hear back from you.

      Yes, the dog story is kind of bizarre but I guess I can understand it if the dog is that territorial.

      I am proud of you for improving yourself, you’ll find that a lot of people struggle with that.

      Defintely a little jealous of your guy friend. Hopefully your pictures with this guy friend weren’t too racy.

      I wouldn’t say you have been friend zoned completely. I just think it may take a little more time for him to realize that the grass isn’t as green on the other side as much as he thinks.

      I am going to email you now about the show!

  47. Stacey
    August 12, 2014 | 9:17 pm

    So…My boyfriend and I broke up 2 months ago. I really let my emotions take over. I called and texted until he became really mean and told me he would never come back. So, I stopped contacting him and one day I ran across some pictures he and I taken and emailed them to him. He started contacting me and saying he wanted to start over and take it slow. We went on our 1st lunch date since the break up. It didn’t end too well because we still had underlying issues that haven’t been resolved. He then told me that he didn’t want to get back with me anymore and that he has been dating a girl and now interested in pursuing. So now they are dating and he says he is really happy. He told me that he would never get back with me because of my emotions and all the calling and texting. It really crushed me because before this…he asked my dad for my hand in marriage in May. He said that he’s glad he didn’t make that mistake and that Im not the one. Is he really gone. What should I do? Is there any way to recover from this?

    • admin
      August 13, 2014 | 2:01 pm

      He asked your dad to marry you and he never popped the question?

      • Stacey
        August 13, 2014 | 2:08 pm

        No, we broke up a couple of weeks after he spoke to my dad.

  48. jaylin
    August 12, 2014 | 8:05 pm

    My ex and I were best friends and first and he went after me for 4 months and it took me another few months to accept him. We’re really close and he saved me from getting bullied and we had an amazing love story. It was all good until he started hiding things from me. After 3 months from the breakup he got a new girl which he barely knew and the girl likes him too. I was told he still thinks of me when he’s alone so he spends a lot of time with her. Its been 6 months after the break and I don’t know how to get him back or make him wants to get us back.

    • admin
      August 13, 2014 | 1:58 pm

      He sounds young and immature to me.

  49. Kristi
    August 11, 2014 | 7:25 pm

    Long story short, my boyfriend of three years left me two months ago. I kept trying to initiate the no contact rule, but he kept contacting me. I finally told him that if he needed space, to take it, but that also meant not contacting me until he has figured out what he wants. Aside from talking at work on the weekends and a couple of necessary text messages, we haven’t talked. In the past two weeks, he has been acting like life is a dream and everything is wonderful which makes me worry that he is currently dating another woman (this would be woman number two since he left). Do you think this is another rebound? Do you think that there is still hope?

    • admin
      August 12, 2014 | 11:55 am

      I think he is really unhappy if he keeps jumping from girl to girl lik ethat.

      • Kristi
        August 12, 2014 | 3:25 pm

        Thank you so very much…that’s kindof what I was hoping for. So then do you believe that there is still a chance?

        • admin
          August 13, 2014 | 1:42 pm

          Theres a chance yes but look, a chance doesn’t mean you are going to get him back, you know?

          • Kristi
            August 13, 2014 | 2:48 pm

            I know that there is no certainty that things will work out. I hope they will and I am doing what I can to make it a possibility…starting with no contact (although this has proven difficult since we have been working together) and taking care of myself.

          • Kristi
            August 13, 2014 | 3:59 pm

            I do know that there is no certainty that things will work out. I have hope they will and I’ll do whatever is in my control to make it work out, but I am aware that it may not happen. It’s just nice to know that there is still a possibility.

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