Today you’re going to learn exactly how to make your ex boyfriend miss you in seven simple steps.
Specifically, I’m going to show you how many of my clients have been able to produce feelings of longing, yearning and nostalgia within their exes by using my seven simple steps.
Without further ado I’d like to introduce you to seven steps that will improve the odds of making your ex miss you.
- Grasp That Making Your Ex Miss You Is About Creating Nostalgic Reverie
- Learn Why We Believe Outgrowing Your Ex Might Be The Key To Making Them Miss You
- Utilize The No Contact Rule
- Employ The Frank Sinatra Effect During The No Contact Rule
- Follow The Correct Social Media Rules With Your Ex
- Use A Little Bit Of Light Jealousy
- Don’t Begin Talking To Your Ex Until They Aren’t Your First Priority
If you have no clue what any of these things mean I promise they’ll start making sense soon.
Let’s dive right in.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizStep One: Making Your Ex Miss You Is All About Creating Nostalgic Reverie
Consider for a moment the concept of making an ex miss you. It’s really a feeling that you are trying to illicit within them isn’t it?
What I’ve always found interesting is that no one really stops and thinks about what that specific feeling is. Instead, most people opt to focus on what actions create the feeling.
The truth is that “missing your ex” is nothing more than an extreme version of nostalgic reverie.
So, what is nostalgic reverie?
Nostalgia: a sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past, typically for a period or place with happy personal associations.
When people talk about “trying to make an ex miss you” or the psychology of an ex they are often referring to this concept.
In fact, it’s such a popular concept that our very own Coach Anna talked about it in one of our interviews.
But I’m getting off topic here.
There’s a few things about that definition above that are important.
It says things like,
- Sentimental
- For The Past
- Happy Personal Associations
- Longing
The common theme here is time.
In some cases a literal sense of time in other cases a longing for a happier time.
These moments are important to highlight and may hold the true key to making an ex miss you.
Think of creating nostalgic reverie in three simple components.
- Enough Time Needs To Pass
- Positive Memories From Your Past Need To Be Highlighted
- Your Ex Needs FOMO To Create Longing
Let’s take a look at these building blocks and how they weave seamlessly together.
Enough Time Needs To Pass
They say absence makes the heart grow fonder and we have certainly found that to be the case.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizOf course, the controversial question is always how much time needs to pass?
My answer to that is that it depends.
Every breakup is different. This is one of the reasons that we have three different time frames for our famous no contact rule.
But if there is a scientific answer I believe that enough time needs to go by to trigger your exes separation anxiety and usually that means it’s going to take more than 45 days.
But it’s not just about giving them time. It’s about giving them the right type of time.
Not all moments in time are created equally.
Consider a situation where I give you time but continue to berate you with questions for months afterwards.
At that point I just become annoying, right?
The same principle applies here.
What you need to do is give your ex uninterrupted time. Now, we will talk about this when we cover the no contact rule because it’s baked into the overall strategy that we teach.
For now let’s move on.
Positive Memories From The Past Need To Be Highlighted
Of course, creating nostalgic reverie isn’t about sitting on your hands and waiting.
It’s a little more complicated than that.
Usually one of two things will happen if you give your ex enough time to have nostalgia.
It will happen naturally.
Or
You’ll be forced to subtly remind them.
Have you ever heard of the peak-end rule?
It’s essentially this concept that states that human beings are awful at recalling memories. So, in order to simplify the process our brains condense the information into two categories. The literal end of the experience and the peak moments of the experience.
I’ve been studying breakups and what they do to people for almost ten years now and what I’ve noticed is that the peak-end rule is very applicable to this nostalgic reverie component of making an ex miss you.
Immediately after a breakup your ex is usually only going to think about the end.
They’ll think about how awful it was and how much better they feel now that they are out of the relationship.
However, given enough time there is a regression back to those peak moments. The moments where they were so in love with you that they couldn’t think straight.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizThose experiences where your ex daydreams about how things used to be.
Again, time is the important concept to grasp here. Simply by doing nothing and giving your ex enough time they can begin to think about those amazing experiences you had together.
Of course, given enough time not all exes will conform. In some cases you have to do something subtly to trigger these memories.
I think “subtle” is the key term to grasp here. Too often we see clients being too forceful in how they try to remind their exes about how great things used to be.
I was watching the movie Inception last night.
I’ve seen it about four total times and each time I rewatch it I learn something new.
Basically the entire plot of the movie revolves around implanting an idea into someones head through a dream. The true challenge though is that if you are too forceful about implanting this idea into their head the subconscious will reject the idea.
So, how does Leo convince the mark of this idea.
Well, he has the mark do it himself.
And I think there’s a truth hidden throughout that film that we can use here.
If you want your ex to be brought back to the good times and you are forced to subtly step in and do it yourself then it’s always better to leave breadcrumbs so that your ex can remember for himself.
It’s always stronger if they believe it themselves as opposed to being told.
Andrew Stanton, a famous screenwriter gave us the 2+2 formula.
When breaking stories with Pixar he learned that if you solve all the riddles of the story for the audience they will grow bored and quit watching.
On the other hand if you give the audience breadcrumbs.
Enough information to solve it for themselves they have a lot more fun experiencing the story.
In short, if you want your ex to remember the good times don’t be blatant about bringing them up. Instead, bring up a topic that can lead them to think about the good times.
Give them 2 + 2 but don’t solve it for them.
Your Ex Needs Fear Of Missing Out To Create Longing
Thus far we’ve really focused heavily on time and positive memories from the past.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizThis third component is really where we kick things into overdrive.
We value more highly that which we can not have.
Now, I know what you’re thinking.
But my ex already doesn’t have me.
That’s right, but you’re not paying attention to the statement I put forth above.
I said CAN not have, not do not have.
Most exes who break up with you, which is roughly 80% of exes to our clients, believe that they can get you back whenever they want.
The moment you turn that notion on its head they begin to value you more highly.
It’s psychological reactance at play.
Take away a behavioral freedom and BOOM you’ll illicit an immediate reaction.
After the breakup you need to do things that make your ex feel like they are missing out on all these amazing opportunities with you.
But you have to authentically enjoy them.
We will talk more about this concept in the next section but here’s what we found.
Going into this with a fake it until you make it mentality always ends poorly.
There’s something inauthentic about it and somehow your ex picks that up and instead of them thinking, “I could be with her right now experiencing that,” they’ll think, “Look how hard she’s trying to prove that she’s winning the breakup.”
It’s an important distinction to make.
Step #2: Learn Why We Believe Outgrowing Your Ex Might Be The Key To Making Them Miss You
When I started Ex Boyfriend Recovery I looked at “getting exes back” or “making exes miss you” in one specific way.
Tactics!
After all, many of my clients would ask me questions like,
Tell me exactly what steps I need to take to make my ex miss me?
Or
What do I have to say to make my ex want me back?
This naturally leads you to think about the different tactics or strategies involved in getting results.
But there’s a hidden truth on the underlying surface that you can often miss if you only look at breakups in this one way.
I’ve been lucky that in my tenure on Ex Boyfriend Recovery I’ve been able to personally sit down with many of my success stories and interview them.
Starting in 2020 I launched a study where I began peeling back the layers on success stories and trying to understand what separated the people who succeeded with their exes versus those who weren’t succeeding.
Only one thing shocked me.
Tactically and strategically nothing was really out of the ordinary.
People used our no contact rule or our value chain/ladder concepts. Sure, there was some variation on how they were used but they were used all the same.
The one thing that shocked me was the mindset that our success stories had.
Almost every single one of them said they got to a place emotionally where they didn’t care if they got their ex back.
Perhaps no success story interview hammers that point home better than my interview with Lauren,
Notice how she mentions in the interview that she literally got to a point where she didn’t care if she got him back?
Why is this seemingly simple mindset proving to be so effective?
Well, putting on my psychology hat for a moment I think it boils down to attachment styles.
I’ve made it no secret that I think attachment styles can play a gigantic role into helping get your ex back.
But we’ve actually been able to pinpoint specific attachment styles have differing points of “missing.”
Sounds complicated right?
Do me a favor and watch this,
In that video I make the assertion that if your ex has avoidant tendencies they actually won’t begin to miss you until they literally feel like you’ve moved on.
Only then will they give themselves permission to romanticize the past.
So, circling back to our concept of outgrowing your ex it definitely seems like if you get to that place where you can outgrow your ex then you’ll be giving yourself the best chance of having that nostalgia kick in that we talked about above.
The true key to outgrowing your ex though is a matter of timing. One of the biggest errors I’ve been able to identify in my clients is the fact that they talk to their ex way too soon.
It’s almost always better to start a conversation with your ex when you have outgrown them as opposed to when you’re obsessed with them.
Of course, this begs the question of how do you outgrow an ex when you are deeply obsessed with them?
The Magnum Opus Theory
I personally believe that the best way to outgrow your ex before you talk to them is to ensure that they aren’t your first priority in life.
One of the best ways to do that is to work on identifying your magnum opus.
Google has the Magnum Opus defined as,
Magnum Opus: a large and important work of art, music, or literature, especially one regarded as the most important work of an artist or writer.
Essentially they’ve only looked at a magnum opus from an artistic standpoint but I think they are missing the point.
The magnum opus concept shouldn’t be limited to just artistic aspirations. It can help create a legacy for your entire life.
It’s what you will be remembered for when you die.
I admit this is kind of a morbid topic to discuss but let’s say you were to die right here. What would you be remembered for?
Well, with the way you’re obsessing about your ex you would think you’d be remembered for this one relationship but the truth is you have so much more value than just this one relationship.
Almost all the greats are remembered for ideas bigger than themselves.
Martin Luther King Jr. is remembered for this moment,
Abraham Lincoln for this moment,
Leonardo DaVinci for this,
JRR Tolkien for writing this,
I think the greatest problem many of my clients face isn’t a will to want to outgrow their exes. It’s the lack of imagination to.
What will be your magnum opus?
What will that one thing be that you become obsessed about and spend more time thinking about than your ex?
Only once you’ve identified it and properly reorganized your priorities should you contact your ex.
Step #3: Utilize The No Contact Rule
Throughout this site you will find that the No Contact Rule is a pretty big theme.
Heck, it’s even used to help divide our main program.
But why is it such a big theme?
Why do I talk about it so much?
Well that’s easy to answer. The no contact rule is without a doubt one of the most successful strategies for getting an ex back.
A few years ago I compiled all of my recorded success stories to try and determine any correlations that I could find between what the people who had actually won their exes back were doing that the people who were failing weren’t.
Turns out that some form of no contact rule was present in over 90% of the successes we’ve had on this website.
But to be honest I think that number is actually a lot higher than that.
Why?
Because a portion of the success stories that I had recorded didn’t give me much information.
They just said something like,
“Thanks, I got my ex back.”
Not really deep enough for me to determine what that particular person did to succeed in getting their ex back, huh?
So, if you were to ask my opinion on how many of the successes used the no contact rule I would put the number closer to 95%.
Whatever the case, one thing is very clear.
The no contact rule is essential if you want to get your ex boyfriend back.
But how does it make him miss you?
Good question.
In order to answer that I think we first need to define the no contact rule.
The NC Rule (No Contact Rule) is a rule that states the following:
The no contact rule refers to a period of time where you cut off all conceivable communication with an ex after a breakup. The intent of this tactic should NOT be used to make your ex miss you but instead should be used to rebuild your own life so that you outgrow your ex. By doing this, the no contact rule can have the added benefit of making an ex miss you
Sounds simple, right?
WRONG!
The no contact rule is without a doubt the hardest strategy to complete on this site.
Heck, all you have to do is visit one of my “no contact rule” pages to see just how many women are struggling with it.
But you don’t care about that do you?
No, you care about the psychology behind why the no contact rule can make an ex boyfriend miss you, right?
Ok, lets tackle that right now.
How The No Contact Rule Can Make Your Ex Miss You More
The number one mistake that I see people making after a breakup is begging. They beg for their exes back. The become GNATS and just stick around.
For reference,
G- Going
N- Nuts
A- At
T- Texting
I mean, put yourself in your exes shoes for a second assuming that you were bugging the heck out of him after a breakup with you.
Would you find it attractive if someone you didn’t have feelings for anymore was bugging you every five seconds trying to convince you to do something you didn’t want to do?
Something tells me you wouldn’t.
Now, how does this play into making an ex miss you?
Easy, a man cannot miss that which he sees every day.
One of my favorite movies of all time is “The Count of Monte Cristo.”
I know it’s kind of a weird choice when there are way more epic movies out there but for some reason “The Count of Monte Cristo” gets me.
What can I say… I dig revenge stories.
Truthfully, I watch the movie at least once a year and you know what causes me to watch it?
Something reminds me of it and then I think to myself,
“Man, that movie was so good I miss the feeling that it gave me. Maybe I should watch it.”
But I only have that thought because I haven’t seen it in a long time. Lets say that I watched it every day for a year. I can tell you right now that at that point it wouldn’t be my favorite movie anymore. No, it would probably end up being my most hated movie. It would become stale and I would grow sick of it.
By not giving your ex a chance to miss you, via the no contact rule, you are shooting yourself in the foot.
Remember, absence makes the heart grow fonder.
In the world of psychology, it’s called “Psychological Reactance”. This concept emerged from the work of the American psychologist, Jack Brehm in 1966.
“Brehm argues that individuals have a set of “free behaviors” that they believe they can engage in at present or some time in the future. Behavioral freedoms vary in importance, with some being highly important because they deal with critical survival. Stephen Worchel (2004) suggested that these freedoms help define the individual’s self-identity. A threat or elimination of freedom results in an increase of attractiveness of the forbidden act and the motivation to engage in that behavior.” https://www.encyclopedia.com/doc/1G2-3045302191.html In really simple terms, when you implement the No Contact Strategy, it’s like you are secretly saying, “You can’t have me. You can’t talk to me. I am depriving you of your freedom to be with me”.
With psychological reactance in play, your Ex is secretly thinking, “I want what you say I can’t have. It should belong to me and is part of me, so I will pursue it”
Ah, and that leads the way to another little hypothesis that I have.
According to psychological reactance your ex is going to want what he can’t have. We have already established that. But lets take a trip to fantasy land (your favorite place in the world) and say that you successfully get your ex back.
I have this theory that the harder you make it for him to get you back the more he will appreciate you when he has you.
My buddies first car is an example.
I had a friend who wanted a car more than anything when he was 16 years old. So, he spent an entire summer mowing peoples yards to get money to buy this beat up chevy truck that kind of looked like this,
Pretty crappy, right?
Here’s the thing.
He treated that car so good and he loved it more than anything. Hell, even now he reminisces about it. But I doubt he would have treated it so well if it had just been gifted to him.
In fact, there was one time that I asked him flat out,
“Why do you like this truck so much?”
His response was simple…
“Because I had to work so hard to get it. Dude, you have no idea how hard it was to scrounge up the money to buy this thing.”
So, here is my theory when it comes to you and your ex.
The harder you make it for him to get you back the more he is going to appreciate you once he gets you back. After all, I doubt you are in this to get your ex back and break up again, right? No, you want a relationship that is going to last.
And the no contact rule can provide that difficulty for him to succeed in getting you back.
Step #4: Employ The Frank Sinatra Effect During The No Contact Rule
One of my favorite quotes of all time comes from a man by the name of Frank Sinatra.
“The best revenge in life is massive success.”
Now, what does that have to do with making an ex boyfriend miss you?
Good question.
In order for me to answer it I first need to tell you a story. To me, teaching people to get back with their exes is one of my passions and in order for me to give people advice I need to understand the trends.
What works and what doesn’t work.
So, that’s why I am always keeping an eye on your comments and questions to me. But the one thing that warms my heart more than anything are the success stories!
Not just because I helped people get back together but I can learn so much from them.
Anyways, one trend that I began to notice with a lot of my success stories was the fact that the women who ended up succeeding were actually completely moved on from the break up and living successful lives.
They weren’t obsessing about what their exes were doing but at the same time they were allowing themselves the opportunity to grieve and miss their exes.
It’s sort of like it was at this point that their ex finally woke up and saw their worth.
Hell, I even did an entire podcast about this phenomenon here.
Anyways, I kept seeing this phenomenon pop up again and again so when I did an audit of my success stories last month I learned that a lot of women who had actually completely moved on from their exes were able to get him back.
It sounds counter intuitive, right?
But maybe not.
Lets turn our attention back to psychological reactance.
By moving on from an ex boyfriend completely you are indirectly saying to him,
“You cannot have me. You have lost the freedom to have me.”
Which of course as you know, will only make him want you more.
And that’s where the Frank Sinatra effect comes into play.
I want you to “move on” without moving on if that makes any sense. I want you to live an incredible life outside of your relationship with your ex.
Here are a few of my best tips for doing this.
Specific Things You Can Do To Make Your Ex Miss You With The Frank Sinatra Effect
In this section we are going to look at a number of things that you can specifically do to make him miss you while in the midst of the Frank Sinatra Effect.
I absolutely love this because these are things that are in your control.
When it comes to getting your ex boyfriend back you have to accept the fact that there are a certain amount of factors that are completely out of your control.
However, when it comes to making him miss you there are a lot of things you can do that will improve your chances. Buckle up because this may get long.
Tactic 1- Get In Shape
There is nothing that can catch a mans eye like a woman who has taken care of her body.
Now, I am not saying that you are fat or out of shape. I am saying that this tactic (getting in shape) will be beneficial to you in not only making your ex boyfriend miss you but it will be beneficial in helping you with future relationships (if you have them.)
How effective is this tactic?
Let me tell you a story. There was a girl who had a crush on me in college.
Like a fool, I didn’t do anything about it because like a typical guy I wanted the girls that I couldn’t get.
Anyways, this girl had a very pretty face but I am not afraid to say that she was a little… chubby and for me it took away from her looks.
Pretty shallow I know…
Well, about a year and a half later I happened to run into her.
Actually, I walked right past her because I didn’t recognize her.
She had lost about 35lbs and looked amazing. In my absence this mediocre looking girl had turned into a beautiful goddess.
Anyways, I was walking with my buddy when she yelled my name and we started talking. After we were done talking we went our separate ways and I remember my buddy going,
“Dude she is sooo HOT why did you let that one slip through your fingers?”
I explained that she didn’t look like that back when I knew her but now that I saw this new and improved version I wanted her immediately.
So, I did everything I could to try to go on a date with her which was relatively easy because she liked me (or so I thought.)
Anyways, we set up a relatively simple date to go on at a restaurant. The plan was that we were going to meet there and we would probably go for a walk after that. There was just one problem.
She never showed up.
During the day of the date I had reached out to her to ask if we were still on (BIG MISTAKE) and got no response…. the hours inched closer to kickoff and I still hadn’t heard from her. I was starting to get worried so like an insecure guy I reached out to her again,
“Hey, are we on for tonight?”
No response..
It was starting to become clear that I was going to get stood up if I went to the restaurant but I figured I would give it one more try.
“Are you there?”
Again no response…
She didn’t want to go on a date with me.
Ironic, huh?
Karma I guess!
Tactic 2- Repeat After Me: I Do Not Care About Him
This tactic is more of a mindset that you need to have. During your no contact period (which is when you should probably be in the Frank Sinatra mindset) make sure you don’t focus on your ex too much.
Just focus on the most important thing, you.
If you were to ask me what I thought one of the biggest mistakes that I see women engaging in are I would definitely have to say that becoming too obsessed with their ex is at the top of the list.
In order to truly “move on, without moving on” you can’t be too worried about what your ex is doing. You need to be worrying about what you are doing.
I haven’t talked a lot about this yet because maybe I am trying to save something for my program. but maybe I think it’s too good to leave out.
If you really want to make the most of the Frank Sinatra effect
I am going to teach you an amazing strategy.
Well, perhaps strategy isn’t the right word to explain this. No, I would say this is more of a philosophy.
I like to call it…
“The Holy Trinity”
(Oh, and this is not biblical at all I promise.)
You can divide the most important aspects of your life into three categories,
- Health
- Wealth
- Relationships
I don’t have to explain what is comprised of the categories, do I?
Well, I will tell you what, I am just going to leave my program for that.
Basically if you want to utilize the Frank Sinatra effect to the fullest I recommend that you try to maximize these three areas of your life.
You will notice that in the graphic above there is an intersection of the three.
The intersection where all three meet.
Hmm…
Perhaps it’s better if I pointed to it for you,
What you are trying to do here is find a perfect balance between your health, wealth and relationships. By doing so you will jump up in attractiveness to your ex.
Trust me when I say that the “missing thing” will fall into place if you do this.
It is important to remember that the two of you broke up and while you may want him back you need to understand that rome was not built in a day and you won’t get him back in a day.
So, sit back and work on the holy trinity for a while.
Tactic 3- Social Life
You have two choices when it comes to breaking up with your ex. You can either
A. Let the breakup own you.
or
B. Own the breakup.
I am a guy and let me tell you that I do not find it attractive when someone, who after a breakup, sits on the couch all day and eats ice cream.
In fact, that is what I expect pretty much every girl to do after a breakup. About five years ago when I broke up with my girlfriend at the time the exact thought I had was “I bet she is sitting on the couch right now crying and eating ice cream.”
Here is the kicker though, a few days later when I logged on Facebook I found that she wasn’t quite as devastated as I thought.
She had posted pictures of her having fun with friends and basically having a really fun social life. While I didn’t immediately think “man, I miss her” it set me up for thinking it.
Her active social life made me realize what I was missing out on and made me a little jealous and angry that she wasn’t as devastated.
Step #5: Follow The Correct Social Media Rules With Your Ex
I want to tell you a funny story that happened to my wife yesterday.
So, if you don’t know my wife she is in charge of our YouTube channel and our marketing experts. In other words, if we want to get featured anywhere popular she is in charge of making that happen.
Well, one day she decided that we should be featured on “Ted Talks” so she started trying to network with some of the people over at “Ted Talks” and she managed to locate one of the person’s Facebook profiles.
So, rather than asking me to reach out directly she decided that since this person was a man it would be better if she reached out since she knows she is a very beautiful woman.
There was just one problem.
This was her Facebook profile picture,
Now, I don’t know about you but that’s not going to make any man fall over himself. Well, except maybe me (that’s my daughter.)
My wife, of course, knew this so she decided to change the picture to something really sexy like this,
That’s my wife in a model shoot for some clothing company named Ella’s Grove.
Anyways, what do you think happened to her after she changed her profile picture on Facebook from our child to a sexy looking picture of her.
All the men went wild (myself included.) They noticed her!
She was getting comments like,
Ok, first off… what the fu*k?
Looks like I have to beat some people up.
COME SEBASTIAN!
We have some work to do!
No I am just kidding…
Please don’t take that seriously.
The point of telling you this story was to show you how powerful a picture can be. You can potentially make your ex boyfriend one of those men and show him what he is missing out on by posting strategic pictures on your social media profiles.
So, here is what I am going to do.
I am going to teach you my two best methods for catching a mans attention via social media.
1. The Profile Picture Change
2. The “Fun” Picture
Lets start with the profile picture change.
The Profile Picture Change
This is what my wife did and indirectly got all that attention from men.
Now, I am going to pick on myself a bit here.
Before I met my wife I heavily relied on good looks to attract attention. In other words, any picture I posted to Facebook looked like this,
Now, even though this picture isn’t bad it isn’t earth shatteringly amazing which is what I should be going for.
And then I met my wife….
The woman who forced me to get professional pictures done.
Like this,
Do you see the difference.
This is the kind of picture that I want you to be posting to your social media profile as your profile picture. Here is my general rule of thumb, any picture that makes you look like you belong in a magazine is definitely the one you should have as your profile picture.
So, I guess what I am saying is that you should hire a professional photographer to take your picture. Now, for those of you who don’t want to step outside the comfort zone and hire a photographer I have one piece of advice to you.
Often times it’s the things that make us step outside our comfort zone that yield the best results.
The “Fun” Picture
I have a question for you.
What do you think your ex boyfriend expecting you to do after the breakup?
He’s expecting you to mope around and be depressed.
Don’t believe me?
I remember an early breakup of mine where this is exactly what I thought.
“God I hope she is suffering.”
Pretty mean, right?
But when I would spy on her Facebook profile and see that she wasn’t depressed it would drive me nuts. I want this exact thing to unfold for you when your ex boyfriend snoops around your profile.
So, how can you accomplish this?
Easy, post pictures of yourself out having fun.
Here is a great example. Look at the picture below,
These girls like they are having fun. This is the kind of picture you want to post.
Because here is what he is going to think when he sees it,
“Wait, why is she out having fun? Why isn’t she sitting at home eating ice cream like I thought?”
Once you get him thinking that this thought is right around the corner,
“I’m kind of jealous…”
And as I am going to establish later in this guide jealousy can lead to a man missing you.
Step #6: Use A Little Bit Of Light Jealousy
A lot of experts will tell you to not try to make your ex jealous.
I will admit that I don’t necessarily agree with them on that.
If you have a chance to bring up some deep inner feelings within him then I say go for it. Of course, if you are going to use jealousy on your ex boyfriend it has to be done a specific way so that you capture his attention but not too much of it.
It probably won’t go over too well if he checks on your Facebook profile and sees you making out with three different guys.
No, using jealousy is an art. It has to be done subtly but at the same time be obvious enough for him to pick up on it. Here are a few examples of how to properly use jealousy.
Example 1- Movie With A Male Friend
In this example I am going to show you a specific text message that is meant to make your ex a little jealous. Notice how in the example below you didn’t specify if your movie date was with a male or a female. You basically leave it up to your ex to assume if you went to see a romantic movie with a guy or a girl.
Example 2- Did I See You?
This one is a little riskier but you are almost guaranteed to make your ex a little jealous which will hopefully contribute to him missing you. In this text message you are basically saying that you mistook him for a “hot guy” at a bar (or any other place you can think of.) Again, this one is risky but the reward is definitely higher.
Example 3- The “Is She Out On A Date?” Picture
One of my all time favorite stories relating to jealousy occurred during a coaching call.
I was talking to a client and they mentioned that they had gone out with a friend to lunch and took a picture of their food and posted it to Instagram.
You know, one of those ridiculous foodie people,
So, she posts the photo and immediately her ex starts contacting her asking about who she was on a date with.
“How did he even think I was on a date?” She asked me during the coaching session.
So, we literally stopped everything we were doing and talking about to understand how her ex could possibly think she was on a date.
As it turns out when she took the picture of her food for her instagram her friends elbow was in the picture.
And thus was born one of the sneakiest jealousy tactics in the history of Ex Boyfriend Recovery.
Here’s how it works.
You go out on a date.
(It doesn’t matter if it’s a legit date or a friend one.)
You order up some good food to eat. Then you take a photo of the food but ensure that a sliver of your dates arm is in the picture.
Like this,
Now, our Private Facebook Support Group has an entire album dedicated to these pictures.
It’s kind of impressive because they’ve broken it down into uses for both males and females.
What’s really great about this tactic is that it works. It’s not an overtly obvious attempt at making your ex jealous. It’s subtle and effective.
Step #7: Don’t Begin Talking To Your Ex Until They Aren’t Your First Priority
If there’s one big thing that I’d want you to take from what I’m teaching you today it would be this singular step.
Even if you fail at every step before this one you can still make your ex miss you with this mentality.
Don’t begin talking to your ex until they aren’t your first priority.
It seems simple, right?
I assure you it’s anything but simple.
In 2019 I wrote my very first book called, “Ungettable: Becoming The Woman Every Man Wants.”
I’ve long been attached to the concept of the ungettable girl and how I believe that it’s what attracts an ex boyfriend to you.
Theoretically if one becomes Ungettable their ex will naturally be interested in them.
The book I wrote is designed to explore the ethos of what being ungettable was.
Initially when I thought up the concept I imagined a woman who was almost impossible to get.
I say almost because if a girl is truly impossible to get then a man will eventually give up.
But as the idea became popularized among our members being “ungettable” evolved into something more.
To illustrate this point I interviewed women for the book and asked them what they thought ungettable meant.
Their answers both shocked and impressed me.
- Confident
- Loving Yourself
- Never a Second Choice
- Living Your Best Life
- “Can’t Touch This”
- The Best Version Of You
- Independent
- Inner Peace
- Being Ok Doing Things Alone
- Playing Hard To Get
- Finding Joy In Life
Becoming ungettable is an idea that has evolved to encompass more than just a woman who is good at playing hard to get.
It’s a mindset about achieving maximum potential in all areas of life.
So, while this whole section is supposed to be about just not making your ex your first priority before you talk to them I would argue it should be more about obtaining this ungettable mindset before you talk to them.
After all, someone who is ungettable won’t have their ex be their first priority.
An interesting thing happens when you talk to an ex this way. It completely reshapes their paradigm of how they view you.
Chances are pretty high that your ex thinks they know you. They think you’re going to obsess about the breakup. That you’re going to GNAT them.
So, when you do the opposite and put more of the spotlight on yourself.
When you care more about yourself than about the relationship it jolts them awake.
They look at you the way they should have always been looking at you.
As an equal.
Your Next Steps
So, here’s the section where I get real with you.
Just because your ex boyfriend may miss you doesn’t necessarily mean that they will take you back or even want to get back together.
I always try to explain it to my clients like this.
Imagine for a moment that you think back on a boyfriend or a girlfriend you had ten years ago.
There are moments of that experience you certainly romanticize but do they cause you to want to call them up and ask for them back?
Probably not.
The truth is that while making an ex miss you is an important step in having an ex ask for you back it isn’t the only step.
If you want to rekindle feelings with your ex your best bet is to check out my massive guide on it here.
But without going too far into detail the strategies for making an ex miss you should be sprinkled in to my overall strategy of the value ladder.
The premise of the value ladder of course is that you slowly but surely build up value in the eyes of your ex as you try to get them back.
And you do this at specific checkpoints of the process usually determined by the method of communication.
Think of it like a literal ladder.
The first rung is always getting through a no contact rule and doing what you need to do for self improvement.
After that you begin climbing the ladder by building up value in text messages.
Then building value in phone calls/video chat.
Then small meetups.
Finally romantic dates.
Or if you prefer to think of it this way. Everything I taught you about making an ex miss you will essentially be how you build value on these rungs.
Good luck!
Dgal
October 16, 2021 at 2:49 am
Hi, I broke off with my boyfriend of 5 years because I saw him have hidden chats with 5 more women with calling them baby and love. Random texts which I don’t think its an affair. I broke off with him for a similar reason 2 months back and he promised not do it but did it again. I broke off because I can’t trust him. It’s been a week only he is apologising and coming back but I didn’t give in. We work together so I have given resignation too. He is asking me to take the resignation back but I said can’t. He is my boss. I unfriended him on social media too.
I have to talk to him at office, I can avoid by working from a few days here and there. We had something special and I want him to regret his actions and miss me. How do I do that?
Please advice.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
November 26, 2021 at 1:38 pm
Hi Dgal, I think you are doing the right thing by ending the relationship and making him work to get you back. I worry for you leaving your job, do you have something else lined up to support yourself financially? You are taking the correct steps and you did the right thing ending the relationship, you would need to complete a limited no contact until you officially left work, and then continue for a full NC for the rest of the time. I would suggest a 45 days so that he can truly feel the loss of having you in his life.
S
June 6, 2021 at 2:28 pm
Hello. My boyfriend of just over 2 years suddenly broke up with me a few weeks ago. I have found out he is talking to an ex of his from when they were younger (20 years ago) . He has told me he is done with what we had and he wants what he currently has in life ..:( this ex of his is married she just claims she is “unhappily married” and he thinks he is going to save her… my question is I guess is that going to work? Do I have a chance of ever getting him back or is the situation just too messed up?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
June 7, 2021 at 9:19 pm
Hi S, you have a chance yes. But you need to follow a 45 day NC and read about the grass is greener syndrome and the being there method. Both of which are on this website fore you.
Tara P.
May 3, 2021 at 7:29 pm
Hi my boyfriend of 1.5 years broke up with me about a week ago. It was out of the blue, he’d spent every day and night with me and even invited me to visit his parents the weekend before, when I couldn’t go he brought me flowers before he left. That same weekend we got into a fight, but he apologized profusely, however this was over the phone as he was away, so when he returned I waited a day and then I brought it up again to talk about it in person and he said the relationship was becoming unhealthy, and proceeded to end things. When he broke up with me he said the relationship was exhausting him, which I believe is the result of the intense anxiety episode I’ve been having this month due to some extremely stressful situations that came up, he’d mentioned it was hard on him a few days prior and I apologized and asked if maybe he wanted to take a few days to breathe, but he said there was no way he could be in the same town as me and not be with me. Back to the breakup — I told him that he was making a mistake and if he’d talked to me about it earlier I would have been more mindful of how much pressure I put on him to help me, and that I still would try and fight for the relationship if he decided it was worth it, and then he told me he loved me and that he’d think about it for a week but he didn’t want me to get my hopes up because he doesn’t want to hurt me any more. It has been almost a week and neither of us has said a word to the other, I guess my question is if he decides he wants to meet up soon like we talked about, should I still do it and then return to no contact or should I just ignore it entirely? Also, will the stress of my mental health on our relationship be something that prevents him from missing me and how can I overcome that? He’s been mirroring my actions this whole time, when I removed our photos from my facebook he did too, but he kept me in his profile picture. He sent a few of my things with a mutual friend and I returned all of his, then he somehow had more to send which was in the same place as the others. The biggest catch of this all is that we both go to college in california where we currently are, but will be leaving in about two weeks for summer and not come back until august, however our hometowns are very far apart. So what should I do to make him miss me, if its possible.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
May 20, 2021 at 4:17 pm
Hey Tara, so you need to complete a full No Contact and in that time work on yourself, you need to try to work on controlling your anxiety as best you can without depending on others fully. It is okay to look for support but putting pressure on someone else to take care of you when you are an adult is unfair. I would suggest spending some time reading Chris articles about being Ungettable Girl. It is such an important part of this program.
theUngettableone
May 2, 2021 at 4:28 pm
My ex and I have been together for 4.5 years, and almost a month ago we had a fight over everything for a few days and finally he broke up with me we rarely see each other because of pandemy .I thought he would call me over time like in previous disputes, but he didn’t get any calls.A week later I called him and he said he wanted to be away for a while and he was tired.I told him let’s talk and solve our problems but he did not answer and he blocked me Instagram and Whatsapp not in phone call.I started nc last week and three days later he texted me very cold.He said I will do something like this in the next few days.I did not answer him.But my mind is very confused. A part of me still loves him and a part of me is afraid of losing him And sometimes I get angry at him And sometimes I get angry and blame with myself because we had good relationship . Another part of my being wants me to focus on myself.And I do not know what to do now?
Does this message mean nc is working?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
May 13, 2021 at 8:46 pm
Hey there yes I think you need to stick with a NC and stick with it for it to actually work. If you break early and give in as soon as he reaches out to you then he is going to know that you were waiting to hear form him. Work on yourself for the 30 days and then reach out using one of Chris texts that he suggests in his articles and videos.
Lavonne
April 19, 2021 at 6:41 am
My bf and I have dated on/off for 3 1/2 years. I am 21 he is 30. He’s broken up with me probably 4 times since we met. Keep in mind our first relationship we got together after only knowing each other for about 3 weeks. We were together for probably 3 months then he broke up with me. We stayed friends then dated again about 4 months later. After a few months he broke it off. We got back together a few months later then about a year ago he broke up with me over text saying he wasn’t ready for a relationship. I peacefully said okay I understand then didn’t talk to him for 3 days. He messaged me after those 3 days and we got back together unofficially he just wanted to take it slow, 5 months ago he made it official. So we’ve been together since then everything was going fantastic. The last 3 weeks he wouldn’t see me and didn’t want to be around me he even told me that point blank because I vented to him too much over the phone about some problems at home and he didn’t like how I was always unhappy even though I was just trying to vent to him because I thought he was the kind of bf who would listen and be my confidant. I said okay but he kept texting me to let me know he loved me but it gradually became less hearing from him. He does not live far at all so not seeing him felt wrong. But I ignored it. 2 days ago we make plans to see each other in a few days then less than 15 minutes after that phone call he calls back and says we needed a break. I was very angry and briefly told him to screw off then hung up. He texted me upset saying he just doesn’t want to be in a relationship and he wont bother me with his indecisiveness anymore. He sent me 4 long texts basically saying I was ignorant for assuming it didn’t hurt him but I left him on read and didn’t respond. The next day I woke up and felt bad about how harsh I left it so I sent a VERY BRIEF text saying I just wanted him to know I felt bad about how agressive I left things and was sorry. I told him I would be keeping my distance but that if he wanted to be friends I’d like that. And that I just wanted to apologize for my behavior. He sent me a few texts a couple hours later saying how badly he wanted to call me the previous night cause he missed me and this really hurts him but he needs to be on his own and get his crap together but that he really loves me intensely and he would really like to be friends. He also said he just could not be in a relationship and that I was perfect and it was fantastic but he “just doesn’t want it”. And how he needs to concentrate on himself but that maybe our paths would lead to each other again and he really wants to remain friends very much. I said that was understandable and okay I’d like that. Then left it there. That was earlier today. Im worried this is the last time he leaves me and that he won’t come back this time im really concerned. Im starting NC of course but im terrified he will move on pretty quick since we already hadn’t seen each other face to face in weeks. I really love him and this is killing me. He lives with his family but he’s sleeping in the livingroom and he just recently got a new car that I helped him pick out so I don’t know if maybe he’s taking time to try to find a place? I don’t know but I saw he viewed one of my social media’s even though he hasn’t said anything to me since earlier today. Im really scared, I don’t want to lose him. He also said im a big part of his life and that has a lot to do with why he wants to be friends. I posted something about getting an apartment on my own soon and how excited I am for that so im waiting to see if he reacts to it at all. Any advise would be really appreciated.
A
February 23, 2021 at 12:58 am
My boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago. It’s been limited contact as we still have to exchange my things. We used to live together. This whole thing started about 8 weeks ago. His parents decided to go through a divorce. We agreed I’d stay with my mom while he sorted through things and helped his family. We were okay the first couple weeks then something happened with his parents and he shut down. Barely would text. Then one day he said we have grown apart and he was okay with not seeing me. I’m struggling because we were in a good place before all of this happened. I was giving him space and not pressuring him during those weeks. Now I don’t know what to do. Feel totally helpless
Z
February 10, 2021 at 4:07 pm
Hi,
My ex broke up with me like 6 days ago and i started NC just 4 days ago after begging and gnatting for 2 days.. I know its worng of me..
But because I did this mistakes at first will he miss me?
He is also very silent, he has not talked to me or sent me anything since I last begged for him… I cant see any sign that hi misses me 🙁 will he miss me eventually even if I did these mistakes at first?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
February 13, 2021 at 9:16 pm
Hi Z, two days it not too bad don’t worry there are many who don’t go into NC for a while. You need to stick with your NC for 30 days and make sure that you work on yourself in this time, there has not been enough time for him to miss you in 4 days, sometimes it can take weeks for any signs.
Lisa
February 2, 2021 at 3:10 am
My ex boyfriend of a little over a year just broke up with me a few days ago, he said that he was unhappy for a while and that he felt he did not see a future with me anymore. I admit I was letting stress and personal problems get the best of me and sometimes I would take it out on him. I feel like I took him for granted. I begged and gnat a lot and he didn’t reply to my last message two days ago, he says he needs space. I will do the no contact rule and focus on the trinity but will it still work after I begged and he did not answer my last message?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
February 6, 2021 at 4:58 pm
Hi Lisa as long as you apply the information given with what you need to do over No Contact then yes it can work. It does sound as if your ex needs space so for now stick with the 45 day no contact
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
February 6, 2021 at 4:58 pm
Hi Lisa as long as you apply the information given with what you need to do over No Contact then yes it can work. It does sound as if your ex needs space so for now stick with the 45 day no contact
j
January 27, 2021 at 3:22 am
I’ve read and re read and read some more.
My ex told me he hated me, that he will never love me again and that he felt sorry for me and that I wasn’t right in the head, took his stuff, moved out and blocked me on everything. He is a mama’s boy and seriously does everything under the guides of her.
His friends live in another province and the couple here are his family and do not want to make him feel like he is put in the middle.
I seriously have no idea how to even begin trying to catch his attention.
The first 3 weeks of no contact he had his cousin reach out to me to get his things. I’ve read since that I now have to reinitiate the no contact period. So how do I even begin? I feel like my only option is email or make a fake account to send a message which I don’t want to do to make me look crazy.
He has super stubborn issues with narcissism so how on god’s green earth can I do anything to show him something?! I’ve put up posts on facebook/IG but I’m blocked so how will he see it? I’ve been trying to keep busy and not think of him, I’ve tried to date myself and dream about others but I do still miss him. Please help!
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
February 4, 2021 at 5:06 pm
Hi J, so he mentioned the “not right in the head” does this mean that you did something that will make him see you as excessively needy or “crazy” as many put it? If so then it means that your NC needs to be 60 days and along with that you UG posts and working on yourself, you need to just continue working on yourself, mutual friends and family can see your posts and if he does get curious enough to unblock you, you need to be sure that what he sees is a positive sight.
S Begum
January 17, 2021 at 4:41 pm
My husband walked out on me saying he didn’t trust me and that I was cheating on him (obviously not true): I found out later he was messaging his ex. As a result,I told him I’m moving on and so should he. I miss him and have started no contact. I want him back but Will he come back?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
January 18, 2021 at 5:02 pm
Hi there, so it sounds as if your husband got a guilty conscience rather than you actually showing signs of cheating. If you want him back then you need to complete your NC and work on yourself in that time, has he moved on to this ex that you mentioned? If so then you need to complete a 45 day no contact.
Emmé
January 4, 2021 at 11:49 am
Insightful article! However what if he only calls me because he needs favours such as – his good friend needs manpower at a new diner they opened and he only calls Cos he asks me for help with finding suitable people who wanna work part time because he knows I have a wider variety of friends and reach as my ex and his friends are in their 50s while I’m in my late 20s. (So is my circle)
He operates in such a way where he takes days to reply to simple yes and no questions, like “can we meet up etc” and he does not really answer my answers Cos he says things like “ok” or like “for?” Whenever I ask for us to meet up. He dosent seem to want to give definite answers though he’s always on and whatsapp throughout the day.
When I read your posts, He seems to be doing all the no full block and contact and tactics you blogged about in your other posts as well – like having the upper hand in this situation though he’s the one that wanted the breakup as we had a bad dramatic fight prior to him calling me recently and talking normally whenever he calls me. We’ve been though the “he blocked me for slightly more than a month phrase” (similar to no contact 45 days) Cos he claim I was harassing him that’s In Sep 2020.
Now Is jan 2021 and I still haven’t got any definite answers from him yet. And I want the rship back. We talk normally Over WhatsApp but he loves making me wait Super Long for replies & I tried suggesting to meet in person but it always never happens and he dosent say yes or no he just dosent give you any answers but he drops hints that he only wants friendship not a rship back or something. But he gets jealous and annoyed if I drink at his friends bar or hangs out w his friends who approaches me first. To me, it’s Kinda confusing. Like he don’t wanna be with me but don’t want others (His friends) to be with me too.
It’s As though he dosent know what he wants or dosent want. Hope what I typed raises some awareness. Thanks for all the good content too!
Candice Lattery
November 19, 2020 at 4:05 am
My husband told me a week ago (out of the blue) that he wanted to separate. He says he loves me, but is not “in-love” with me anymore. He doesn’t feel like there is a glow between us. And wants to stay close friends, but doesn’t think we should be married. I am completely blindsided. We have been married for four years, but have been in a relationship for almost 14 (we were high-school sweethearts). We share an apartment and bills together, and are currently cohabitating and sleeping in separate rooms. Because we are best friends and have been for half of our lives, I’m not sure what to do. I want to save this relationship but am afraid of him just moving on.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
November 19, 2020 at 5:34 pm
Hi Candice, you need to follow the rules of limited no contact before you do anything else. You need to read more articles that apply to your situation and understand what you need to be doing / saying when around him.
Maddy
October 15, 2020 at 8:07 pm
The guy I was dating for 3 years never saw me as a girlfriend. We get alone really well, except when we seldom fight about religion or politics. We have the most amazing physical chemistry. According to him, I’m his best even after 3 years together! Now he wants to “meet new people”. I’m devastated!
Would it be possible he could ever change his mind about me and see me as a possible girlfriend?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
October 19, 2020 at 11:29 pm
Hi Maddy it sounds as if this guy has what is called the grass is greener where he thinks there is someone else out there he would rather be with. I would suggest that you go into a no contact and work on yourself, read articles about being ungettable and the holy trinity and then reach out at the end of your 30 days
Sonia spang
September 9, 2020 at 5:13 pm
My ex text me that he loves me and hopes to see me soon the thing is he left with another women to live in Milwaukee after me and him had been together for 5 years I haven’t replied to him he really hurt me doing what he did and I’m glad that you have this page cause you are helping me cope with this situation I miss him something terrible but I can’t and won’t let him know this
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
September 9, 2020 at 9:33 pm
Hi Sonia, Im glad you didnt answer him! How heartless for him to try and talk to you after what he did. You know your worth clearly, so make sure you are working on yourself to get over this hurt and be the happiest you can be. I am glad this website is helping you
Verne napier
September 8, 2020 at 9:22 pm
So basically I left my recent bf and relocated because I felt like he never really knew my worth and even though he didn’t want me to leave I knew I had to i couldn’t travel with most of my stuff so I asked if he could send the rest over and I’ll give him the money but he said its fine he will take care of it the evening I had to leave for my trip he ends up getting drunk and starts a argument with he’s friend which made me almost late for my flight I ended up not getting a chance to have a proper goodbye but its been almost three weeks and he still haven’t sent it and he said he would send it the following week after I sent it then he posts a image of himself saying he needs a gf after I texted him about my stuff and then yesterday he greets me to find out how I’m doing which I replied with ‘I’m good thanks and yourself’ and he left me on read I’m so confused.
Lyndsey
September 8, 2020 at 1:29 am
Hi EBR!
My boyfriend of 7 months and I have not officially broken up. However, he has been ignoring/ghosting me completely for 11 days. He doesn’t respond to texts, doesn’t read Facebook messages, and doesn’t like or comment on my posts or pictures, but does other people’s and has not unfollowed/unfriended/blocked me. The last couple messages I sent were 5 days ago telling him I was shocked, crushed, couldn’t believe he was treating like this… blah blah blah. We have never once had an argument or talked about anything super serious between us.
Prior to this radio silence, he had become distant for a month and a half and I only saw him once for a few hours a couple weeks ago where he acted totally normal. For weeks, he kept saying he was busy with working at home or his kids, sick, or in assorted pains, and that he was “really struggling” mentally and not happy with his life, largely influenced by the COVID climate. He reiterated over and over that he was sorry, it had nothing to do with me or us, and he wasn’t seeing family or friends much either (I don’t think that last part was totally true). He insisted that he absolutely “adores” me and he enjoys our time together. He’s thanked me multiple times for being patient, understanding, and supportive (his words).
We normally text almost daily, but he was frequently not replying for a couple days here and there in that month and a half. He did it again last week and eventually said that recent natural disasters in our state have suddenly caused him to be loaded up with double the work and “16 hour days” until it was done, which has happened before, and he was “hating life.” I said to let me know if he needed me to bring him food or run errands, he said thanks, and asked about how I was doing. The next morning, I texted him some funny stories about work, he laughed and commented, then I never heard from him again. Offered to drop off some of his favorite take out and said I missed him: nothing. Sent a long text asking not to let all his struggles come between us: nothing. Then I sent the upset text mentioned above and a Facebook message saying I was trying to get ahold of him by text: nothing. It’s bizarre because he’s otherwise a very direct and straight forward person. He has said that if he ever wanted to end it, “I would just tell you,” because that’s what he always does in relationships.
My question is: since we never officially broke up, do I still consider the start of NC the day after my last message? Do I even do no contact and just go on in the relationship if he starts talking to me again since he never actually broke it off? Obviously, he’ll be due for a talking to and some clear expectations if he wants me to stay!
Emily
September 7, 2020 at 12:02 am
Hi. My ex just recently broke up with me (3 ish weeks ago) because he fell out of love. We had been dating for a little over two years and during these two years we were happy. He broke up with me saying that he doesn’t love me and I begged him to stay and we would make it work but he said he wanted to focus on himself. After that, I continued to text him because I felt upset. He told me to stop texting him but I didn’t listen. He blocked me on everything (including text) Then I didn’t contact him for a week. I went to him and said that I’m doing better but that I still love him. He said he needed more time. I then went to see him a week after that and asked if we could talk face to face. He agreed and so we talked and I told him that can’t let go of my feelings for him because he means so much to me. I asked if we could start fresh but he said that he just didn’t have feelings for me anymore and only wanted to be friends. He then texted me (I’m blocked still) saying that he would unblock me and reach out once he figures I’ve healed so that we could be friends. I told him that we could be friends and he said I needed to move on. I don’t want to be friends though. I want him to come back. I know that he has changed and his feelings have too. But I want him to see that I have changed too and that he should give the new me a chance. How do I get him to find those feelings for me? I’m afraid that it will be too late by the time he unlocks me that he will completely want nothing to do with me anymore.
zoe turnball
August 23, 2020 at 6:33 pm
Me and my boyfriend of a year decided to mutually split up about 3 weeks ago. The break up was not toxic but we were both very very sad. We had one last night together just going for a drive and speaking about the good times. I realised we made a mistake splitting up and i proposed we gave it another go but he did not think this was a good idea and expressed he needed time to himself and to work on himself which i totally understood. We then did not speak for a week & then we started to message again, we eventually met up and things went so well we ended up kissing. We spoke about it the next day and decided it wasn’t fair and no contact was needed. However he then text me the next day and we spoke for the whole week & things became flirty and we ended up exchanging nudes. We met up again and we had sex. After this he ignored me and i suggested we needed to speak as it was not fair on us acting this way especially when he knew i want to get back with him.
i have now told him i am no longer available to him and he has had his chance but i can’t wait around on him forever.
i have decided to do a no contact period, do you think this will work to get him back? i told him i don’t want to get back with him anymore but i really do i just don’t want him to know that. Any advice on how to make him miss me & want me again.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
September 6, 2020 at 10:18 am
Hi Zoe, so you are doing the right thing going into NC and ignoring him now. No matter what he says to you about missing you etc then you just keep with it for 30 days minimum. He needs to realise that he can not pick you up and drop you when he feels that he is missing you. You then need to show on social media that you are happy and living your life, dont be afraid to show that you are around other guys too, not in a flirty / in your face way. Just hanging out with other people. He is going to worry that you have moved on and make him either ask you back, or at least start chasing you for your attention again
sarah
August 18, 2020 at 4:22 pm
My bf and I just split. we were long distance for the last two months while he works out of town as well, dating for 5. He said he wants to be able to take off without checking in, and it’s not fair (to me) if we don’t see each other in his time off, and i’ll find someone nicer. he has pretty bad self esteem issues. He’s back in 5 weeks and still wants to hang out, saying I have a fun life, he loves hanging out with me etc. I said I don’t want to be an option. When leaving he says I might be calling you realizing i’ve made a terrible mistake, to which I said not fair to say that if you’re just being nice. And he said he’s indecisive. We literally never fought, got along amazing and had great sex. There was definitely an element of being discouraged by long distance. But What the heck here. He’s also moving back in the winter.
Evalynn Bennett
August 14, 2020 at 11:15 pm
My boyfriend broke up with me a month and a half ago. I cried to him a lot because initially, we were still talking everyday. A couple weeks ago, he blocked me, when I had ANOTHER mental breakdown to him after he asked if I had still been logged into his other insta account. I said no. Which was a lie. But immediately told he truth and apologized. He said it was okay, but to stay out since we’re not together anymore. But I pushed him over the edge, I think, when I kept apologizing for it. And that’s when he blocked me. I have no clue what was wrong with me. I haven’t been able to talk to him at all. Except about a week ago, my depression got really bad again and I started getting suicidal. I reached out for help because he was the ONLY person who could talk me down from it, and the only thing he said was get help. I ended up at the hospital a few days ago because I tried to end it.
It feels like he couldn’t care less if live or die. I keep reading how I should do no contact, but he already started that, and I think I blew my chance with him, but I don’t want to move on from him. As much as I’ve tried. What can I do to make him miss me? He’s super stubborn, and he’s the one who cut contact. I just want to stop hurting like this.