Breaking up with someone is extremely difficult but it’s not the actual breakup that is the worst part. No, I’m betting that it’s what happens after the breakup where things get tough.

Often that’s where I’ll have clients saying things like,

I miss my ex so much…

I need to get him back….

Help me, I’ll do anything!

I’ve long theorized that most of the breakup decisions occur inside the head. So, it makes sense that, that is where the most difficult part of the breakup occurs.

It’s those thoughts that follow you around that never let up that make you miss your ex.

Where you are simply walking around and everything reminds you of them.

Oh my god, (insert song) came on the radio. That was our song.

Look at that car, that was my exes car.

Look at that color, that was their color.

Ok, maybe that last one was a stretch.

Here’s my point.

You are struggling right now that’s probably why you felt the need to come online and search around for a way to stop the pain you are feeling.

I know!

I’ve been there.

So, here is my promise to you.

I am going to teach you what you need to do to NOT miss your ex as much while at the same time creating a situation where they will be drawn to you again.

Sound fair?

Let’s get started!

I Miss My Ex So Much, How Can I Get Them Back?

Making your ex miss you is easier than you think.

Sounds cliche, right?

But it really is.

In fact, I’ve found a way for you to do that in four simple steps,

  1. Understand the changes your body is going through
  2. Utilize A No Contact Rule
  3. Rework The Internal Conversation Going On In Their Head
  4. Make Use Of A Trojan Horse

Now, I am going to go out on a limb here and say you have no clue what I am talking about with these four steps, right?

Well, no worries because I am going to help you through this process step by step.

Is There A Chance Your Ex Will Take You Back?
Take The Quiz

1. Understand The Changes Your Body Is Going Through

This is such an odd place to start an article on getting an ex back, right?

Well, I don’t know who originally said it but,

Knowledge is power

And I think it’s going to be important for you to become knowledgable about what your body is going through right now so we can adapt.

When I started this article I talked about how for some people going through a breakup can be difficult because everything is a constant reminder of their ex.

It’s been well recorded that going through a breakup is kind of like going through a withdrawal period.

In fact, scientists have done studies where they hooked the brain up onto an MRI machine and asked people questions who had just recently gone through a breakup and they found that the part of the brain that lights up is the same exact part that lights up in cocaine addicts going through withdrawal (source.)

In essence, your body is craving your ex and there is seemingly nothing you can do about it.

Hence, this is why you miss your ex so much.

The Problem With Missing Your Ex So Much

Lets pretend we have two individuals trying to win their ex back.

  • Individual A = Misses their ex so much and will do anything to get them back
  • Individual B = Wants their ex back but isn’t willing to put them on a pedestal. In fact, they have adopted an “oh well” mindset.

Which one do you think has a better chance of getting their ex back?

Well, my personal research has found that individual B will be successful.

But why?

Well, I think it has to do with the fact that individual A reeks of desperation and exes can sense that.

And therein lies our problem.

Generally missing your ex isn’t a bad thing. In fact, I’d go as far as saying that it’s completely natural.

But if you are ultimately going to be trying to win your ex back then you have to approach things a bit differently.

You need find a way to ensure that they aren’t plaguing your every thought.

How Can You Get Your Mind Off Your Ex

Yesterday I had a coaching call with a client who was trying to get her ex back and she told me a really interesting story.

Basically my client had a big presentation to give on a specific day. I mean, she had prepared for this presentation for months.

Well, the day before she was due to give the presentation she noticed that her ex, who she was still friends with on Facebook, had put up a picture with another girl and changed his status to the dread,

“In A Relationship…”

Upon seeing this she was distraught and immediately started having a panic attack.

“What do I do?”

“This is impossible…”

“I can’t get him back anymore”

Needless to say she was pretty depressed.

But that’s when something interesting happened. Instead of sulking in the corner of her hotel room she had to wake up the next day and give this big presentation.

After the presentation people wanted to interview her and ask her questions.

She ended up not coming back to her hotel room until late at night.

She hardly thought of her ex with the new girl at all.

Why?

Well, she was so busy she didn’t have time to think about it. And I think she unlocked the key to not missing her ex so much.

Basically force yourself to be so busy you don’t have time to think about your ex that much.

2. Utilize A No Contact Rule

If you are an avid reader of our website and know what the no contact rule is then you probably don’t need to read this section.

However, if this is one of your first times reading this website then I highly recommend you soak everything up that I am about to tell you.

Utilizing a no contact rule is essential if you want to stop from missing your ex so much and also have them become more drawn to you.

Why?

Well, before I get into the psychology of it let me first explain what the no contact rule is.

The No Contact Rule: A period of time (usually 21, 30 or 45 days) where you ignore your ex (barring a few exceptions,) while at the same time cultivating your own personal life.

Oh, and if you are more of a visual learner then check out this video explaining the no contact rule,

And also this video explaining how to know if the no contact rule is working,

Now, why is it so important for you to use the no contact rule?

Above I stated that your breakup is kind of like an addiction and you are always going to be looking for a fix.

The no contact rule is your first line of defense to prevent you engaging in that addiction.

The No Contact Rule Success Rate

One of my favorite articles (probably because it was the easiest to write) was my article on the NC success stories.

In it I make some pretty interesting statements.

Specifically,

We noticed that 70% of success stories on our website utilize the no contact rule. That figure becomes even higher in our FB group where 95% of our success stories have cited the no contact rule as essential to their success.

Now, if that doesn’t convince you that the no contact rule is a great way to attack these horrible “I miss him so much” feelings you are having perhaps this next one will.

I have noticed an interesting through line with all no contact periods being the individuals who used the time away from their ex wisely.

In other words, instead of sitting on their hands and obsessing during the time away from their ex they used their time away constructively.

What did they do?

Well, they engaged in “The Holy Trinity.”

For a quick explanation of the holy trinity check out this video,

3. Rework The Internal Conversation Going On In Their Head

Perception is everything when it comes to this.

If you really want to make a go at getting your ex back then one concept you really have to understand is that it’s not what you say or do that matters as much as how they perceive you in their head.

Here is a really interesting statistic you may not know.

Out of the thousands of success stories we have had over the years roughly half of them will break up again.

Why?

Well, it’s because the true decision on whether your ex will take you back for good happens after you get them back.

Think about it for a moment.

When you and your ex reunite it is exciting and filled with quite a bit of emotion.

It’s not until after they are pulled out of fantasy land that reality sets in and if you aren’t a strong enough force on your ex they will immediately regret their decision and your “new relationship” is doomed to fail.

It’s this internal conversation your ex has in their head that I want to highlight.

Overcoming Your Exes Internal Conversation

I am going to ask you a very simple question.

Why is it that your ex doesn’t want you back?

Did you cheat on them

Could they not stand your laugh anymore

Is it something as basic as them “losing feelings”

Do you even know?

You may not have even thought about it but I am here to tell you that thinking about it just became one of the most important tasks of your life currently.

And I am not talking about taking out a piece of paper and listing out all the reasons your ex gave you for the breakup. Often I find exes don’t have the best track record of being honest with you.

I am talking about figuring out those internal headwinds that they aren’t telling you about.

And that requires some serious soul searching on your part.

Sometimes that soul searching leads you to truths you’d rather not face.

  • Is it your looks?Are you not good looking enough?
  • Did he just think he could do better than me?

Now, I know what you are thinking.

“I get what you are saying Chris but how can I figure something out like this?”

Well, it’s a lot easier than you think.

Words Vs. Actions Theory

I work better with examples so lets pretend that your ex tells you that he doesn’t love you anymore.

Ok, that’s a pretty basic reason for a breakup and I certainly have thoughts about that type of logic,

The normal person takes a statement like that at face value and moves on assuming that is what happened.

But lets say that a few weeks after your breakup you, like my client in the story above, find out that your ex is dating someone new.

And to make matters worse it’s someone you know.

It’s that pesky bi*ch that your ex works with.

UGH, the nerve of this guy (in the example your ex is a guy.)

Now, your exes words clearly stated that he broke up with you because he started losing his feelings for you.

However, his actions tell a different story don’t they.

So, what are you to believe?

Under no circumstance should you ever prioritize words over actions. In fact, actions are everything when it comes to this business!

So, one of the best ways to determine what is really going on in your exes mind is to study their actions.

Simply remove words from the equation.

4. Make Use Of A Trojan Horse

You ever read the Illiad?

I certainly did.

In fact, I remember begging my dad to buy it for me when I was at a bookstore as a young child.

And I took this book with me everywhere.

But perhaps my most interesting memory of it was taking it with me to church as a kid. After all, my mom was making me go so I’ll be damned if I am not going to find some kind of enjoyment out of it.

The premise of the book is pretty simple.

A 10 year war is being waged after Paris (a Trojan) steals Helen from Agamemnon’s brother (Greek.) Eventually the war concludes after the Trojans are stupid enough to pull a gigantic horse into their city with a bunch of Greeks hiding in it.

That’s where the origin of “Trojan Horse” comes from.

It’s essentially become another way of saying “sneak attack.”

Well, I am going to teach you how to use a trojan horse to hopefully make your ex obsessed with you.

So, in order for me to fully explain this to you I’ll need you to grasp a couple of concepts.

The first concept is the idea of Misattribution of Emotions.

Here is a quick video explaining it’s premise,

The second premise we’ve already talked about quite a bit and that’s the idea of obsession.

Specifically as it relates to the addiction of a breakup.

How The Trojan Horse Works

Let’s begin with the end in mind.

The end goal here is to create an event that causes your ex to think about you obsessively without him even realizing that you caused the event.

In effect, it’s a mental trojan horse.

And we are going to utilize the idea of MOE (misattribution of emotions) to do it.

If you were too lazy to watch the video above then take a moment to go back and watch it.

MOE basically states that when human beings feel something they are likely to attach those emotions onto something that makes sense.

Now, let me ask you what is something that requires investment from you but at the same time yields so many positive emotions that it makes it all worth it?

If you guessed reading a book or watching a tv show then you’d be right.

Have you ever gotten so into a book or tv show that it’s all you can ever think about?

  • You daydream about it in your free time.
  • You look up fan art
  • You obsess about it

Chances are you are doing things like that because it makes you feel emotional.

What if we were able to forever attach ourselves to a piece of literature or a tv show?

And what if every time your ex watched that tv show or read that book they’d naturally associate it with you.

Sounds pretty awesome, right?

Here’s what I’d like you to do.

  1. Think of something your ex hasn’t seen or read before (you might have more luck with books)
  2. Gift that something to your ex when the time is right. Generally this will be after the no contact rule when attraction is being built.
  3. Create an incentive to ensure that your ex reads it
  4. Bask in the glory of MOE

Now, perhaps the most brilliant (or evil) part of this strategy is that every time there is a holy sh*t moment that makes your ex smile in the book or TV show they will associate it with you.

Especially if you gifted it to them.

Conclusion

Hey guys!

I just wanted to say thank you for making it to the end of this article.

Most people never do.

In fact, most people just skim the headings and think they’ve learned everything they need to know.

Your not that person are you?

Well, if you are then you probably won’t try hard enough to read in between the heads and miss an important bit of information.

My team and I will be personally responding to anyone who asks us a question in this article.

So if you are needing help on your situation with your ex.

Then you might want to check out the comments below!

24 thoughts on “I Miss My Ex So Much”

  1. vicky

    November 4, 2018 at 10:23 am

    hi Chris. so my boyfriend recently broke up with me,obvi lol.. he told me it wasn’t my fault or anything I did yada,yada..then he said breaking up with me is not what he really wants to do but that choices in his life up until now has required that he does..a personal choice that he hoped he could tell me about it someday. I begged him consistently to reconsider but he refused. Then I told him one day that I’d had enough. I told him I didn’t want to be in a limbo with him anymore and that I was seeing someone already(massive lie) I said that to make him feel some type of way but now I’m scared he won’t want me anymore because he thinks I’m already in a new relationship. plus I deleted his number to maintain the no contact rule policy. This is day 19 by the way and I’m confused…!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 4, 2018 at 3:36 pm

      Hi Vicky!

      I here you…yada yada. Some guys will fudge the truth and sometimes they also say and do stupid things. Good move with starting up NC. Pick up my 485 page ebook (Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro) if you can as it will help you immensely in how to manage thru this process.

  2. Kris

    April 16, 2018 at 1:43 am

    Hey guys. It’s comforting to see how many other women are essentially going through the same thing as me since I feel like I’m going crazy with this breakup. My ex told me he’s not ready for a serious relationship, he thought he was but I guess being together has showed him otherwise. He said he needs to focus on himself and said he sees how well I’m doing and he wants to do the same for himself. Im definitely ready for more and i put in more effort than he was willing to give me. I see he’s been reaching out to other women, idk if he really just wants to play the field or he’s doing it to distract himself from the pain. I haven’t contacted him since the breakup 8 days ago and he hasn’t reached out either. Currently in NC just need someone to vent and talk to I guess 🙁

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 18, 2018 at 3:34 am

      Hi there Kris! Yeah, some guys say they are not ready for the serious stuff, until they discover that they can lose you, and then they mature up! I am glad you are in No Contact Kris. I think it will help. Take a look at Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro or any of the other resources I have on this site (Menu/Products link) as it is good to have a comprehensive guide that you can rely on to help draw up your plan. Let us know how things proceed!

    2. Kris

      April 18, 2018 at 9:25 pm

      Thanks Chris! I actually own the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro, I bought it a few years ago after a previous relationship (and decided it wasn’t worth getting him back and I moved on instead). Not sure if it’s been updated since then. Whenever I have the urge to text him I’ll go on this site and read why doing so would be silly. Day 10 of no contact. We still follow each other on social media and I see he still views my stories but hasn’t like anything I post. I

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 18, 2018 at 9:50 pm

      Hi Kris…thanks for your comment and purchase. Yeah, I updated it substantially, so its a lot different now in many ways, but the core principles are the same. It might be beneficial for you to take a look a look at my Private Facebook Group (also found in my website Menu/Products section). It has about 1400 folks in it. Mostly women. They are great and help and support each other and themselves and I do weekly live webcasts there. Yep…he is watching you from afar (social media), so there is a little spark there.

  3. Lana

    March 22, 2018 at 3:32 pm

    Hello. My “ex” (it’s so recent I still cannot feel confortable calling him that) broke up with me two days ago. He told me he lost the passion and although that is true, I think it is because he has lost passion in everything. I honestly think he might have a mild depression and the weather is not helping. We live together but he took some clothes and is staying somewhere else. However, he has texted me last night saying that he needed to talk to me. I did not answer. After that, I decided I would go for the NC rule but because most his things are still here and we share the dog, it is very difficult. Should we talk at all? Is it ok to talk about the house and the dog? He has texted me that he dreamnt I had sex with our housemate (whom he is not threaten by) and I told him he could not tell me things like this if he needed space. That he should also respect my space. I really want him back. What can I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 28, 2018 at 5:25 pm

      Hi Lana,

      It’s ok to talk about scheduling for the dog and house stuff but only keep it about that..

  4. Stella

    March 2, 2018 at 2:13 pm

    Ok. I will move on but I leave him alone until one day he will get his punishment or regret. I m 42 from Singapore and he is 45 from UK but he already moved to Singapore last January. Because he work here. Nevermind.

    I must work hard and move on… thank you for your help.. 🙂

  5. Stella

    March 1, 2018 at 4:01 am

    I already met him at Skype but I never meet him in real person. I have NC him for 2 1/2 months because I don’t have his new mobile no. but I have one problem. I don’t want to tell here in public. Can I msg you in private?? If not, I can’t solve problem in my life. I afraid that he already deleted my mobile no. or not because he already blocked me. What do I do??

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 1, 2018 at 2:26 pm

      He ghosted you.. It’s tims to move.. Get a counselor so someone professional can help you move on personally..

  6. Stella

    March 1, 2018 at 12:12 am

    I did not meet him in real person.

  7. Julie

    February 24, 2018 at 8:53 pm

    My ex broke up with me because he said he didnt feel the same way as he did at the start, but after doing what you suggested i think it was more i was a bit clingy, i always asked for more effort but i realized after being in his position that it isnt what i want, i have had the nc rule for two weeks now and after the third im planning on talking to him about this and telling him i realized i was controlling and i asked for things that i now realize i dont even want, do you think this is a good idea because we would be on the same page now, he was my bestfriend before we dated and i feel that if i go slowly back into the friend zone it would be very hard to get out of, i was thinking doing this approach instead and if he doesnt want to get back together kind of ice him out until im over him and all feelings are gone.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 27, 2018 at 11:37 am

      Hi Julie,

      telling him what you think was wrong with you and what you can improve long after the break up is still chasing.. if you really changed, you wouldn’t try to convince him.

  8. Stella

    February 21, 2018 at 8:41 am

    He and I know each other for 7 months because we chatted. I was helping him a lot. I promised him to take care of my health because he was everything in my life. Last 2 month ago I told him that I was sleepy because I took my medicine and then he refused to reply me back. I found that he already blocked me in what’s app and Skype and also he already changed his new mobile no. I cried and depressed but now i feel better. My wish is that I want him to get back together. What do I do?? Should I wait for his reply or what?? Please help me..

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 25, 2018 at 4:42 pm

      Hi Stella,

      Have you met in person?

  9. Tanna

    February 18, 2018 at 1:05 am

    Hey! thanks for taking the time to respond
    but Im not quite satisfied…I had 3 questions in there that I was hoping to get answers to.
    Especially my question if it was likely he really wanted to work on himself or was trying to lay me off gently, based on our history.

    Thank you

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 20, 2018 at 12:42 pm

      If a man wants to be with you, he will no matter what..so, that’s just probably his excuse to break up with you.. If he initiates during nc don’t answer.. You can initiate contact after nc

  10. Mel

    February 14, 2018 at 7:31 pm

    My ex and I were together for 9 years and after he dumped me, I begged and cried for DAYS. Now we are supposed to meet at my parents’ house in a few days to let them know of the breakup, since my ex is basically family to them. But I don’t want to see my ex because maybe he just needs some space and will give me another chance. Should I lie to him and tell him I already spoke to my parents on my own, and avoid seeing him at all costs?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 18, 2018 at 3:12 pm

      Hi Mel,

      Did you proceed in telling your parents?

  11. Tanna

    February 11, 2018 at 8:36 pm

    My ex and I were together for 6 months. During the time, we both acknowledged that it was the most compatible relationship we had ever been in, the most fun, passionate, the most understanding. It felt perfect. We both knew where we were headed long term. I’m 27 and he is 32. Not long before we started dating, he left a six figure job to start his own business. While we were dating, the stress of starting a career afresh started to really get to him eventually and he decided after Christmas that he couldn’t keep me a priority. He had to pick up a second job to make ends meet and in his words – he couldn’t be the man I deserved right now, he doesn’t know how long this “drought” in his career will last and he doesn’t want me to resent him eventually. He’s very traditional. He made it very clear he wants to be the provider in the relationship. I’m comfortable and make a very good salary myself. Initially, we agreed to be friends (maybe too quickly) and he also stated that once he was more stable I would be the first to know. But then the lack of free time on his side started to get frustrating. I went off on him and accused him of using his financial situation as a cop out. He couldn’t believe I would suggest that but he apologized that I felt that way and blamed himself and bad timing for the current situation of things and…. that was the last he spoke to me. I since apologized for the things I said, with no response from him. I started NC to give myself the space I need to reevaluate things and a possible friendship in the future.

    It’s been 3 weeks. I’ve been working on myself. He has no social media and he knows I’m not active on social media either. I broke no contact today using an edited sample text from Chris’s book still with no response. I’m wondering – was I too harsh? Is he really trying to work on himself or is he just not that into me? Should I just let him reach out on his own time?I planned to give it a few days and try again or should I just let it go?. Any comments will help me. Still miss him terribly

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 15, 2018 at 1:02 pm

      Hi Tanna,

      Restart nc, and still be active in posting and make your posts public because he will probably get curious and check.

  12. Tanna

    February 11, 2018 at 3:29 am

    My ex and I were together for 6 months. During the time, we both acknowledged that it was the most compatible relationship we had ever been in, the most fun, passionate, the most understanding. It felt perfect. We both knew where we were headed long term. I’m 27 and he is 32. Not long before we started dating, he left a six figure job to start his own business. While we were dating, the stress of starting a career afresh started to really get to him eventually and he decided after Christmas that he couldn’t keep me a priority right now. He had to pick up a second job to make ends meet and in his words – he couldn’t be the man I deserved right now, he doesn’t know how long this “drought” in his career will last and he doesn’t want me to resent him eventually. He’s very traditional. He made it very clear he wants to be the provider in the relationship. I’m comfortable and make a very good salary myself. Initially, we agreed to be friends (maybe too quickly) and he also stated that once he was more stable I would be the first to know. But then the lack of free time on his side started to get frustrating. I went off on him and accused him of using his financial situation as a cop out. He couldn’t believe I would suggest that but he apologized that I felt that way and blamed himself and bad timing for us and…. that was the last he spoke to me. I since apologized for the things I said, with no response from him. I started NC to give myself the space I need to revaluate things and a possible friendship in the future.

    It’s been 3 weeks. I’m wondering – was I too harsh? Is he really trying to work on himself or is he just not that into me? Should I just let him reach out on his own time?I plan to re-engage him slowly after my 30 day NC period and when I’m ready to be friends. Any comments will help me. Still miss him terribly

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 15, 2018 at 1:02 pm

      Hi Tanna,

      Restart nc, and still be active in posting and make your posts public because he will probably get curious and check.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.