Breaking up with someone is extremely difficult but it’s not the actual breakup that is the worst part. No, I’m betting that it’s what happens after the breakup where things get tough.

Often that’s where I’ll have clients saying things like,

I miss my ex so much…

I need to get him back….

Help me, I’ll do anything!

I’ve long theorized that most of the breakup decisions occur inside the head. So, it makes sense that, that is where the most difficult part of the breakup occurs.

It’s those thoughts that follow you around that never let up that make you miss your ex.

Where you are simply walking around and everything reminds you of them.

Oh my god, (insert song) came on the radio. That was our song.

Look at that car, that was my exes car.

Look at that color, that was their color.

Ok, maybe that last one was a stretch.

Here’s my point.

You are struggling right now that’s probably why you felt the need to come online and search around for a way to stop the pain you are feeling.

I know!

I’ve been there.

So, here is my promise to you.

I am going to teach you what you need to do to NOT miss your ex as much while at the same time creating a situation where they will be drawn to you again.

Sound fair?

Let’s get started!

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

I Miss My Ex So Much, How Can I Get Them Back?

Making your ex miss you is easier than you think.

Sounds cliche, right?

But it really is.

In fact, I’ve found a way for you to do that in four simple steps,

  1. Understand the changes your body is going through
  2. Utilize A No Contact Rule
  3. Rework The Internal Conversation Going On In Their Head
  4. Make Use Of A Trojan Horse

Now, I am going to go out on a limb here and say you have no clue what I am talking about with these four steps, right?

Well, no worries because I am going to help you through this process step by step.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

1. Understand The Changes Your Body Is Going Through

This is such an odd place to start an article on getting an ex back, right?

Well, I don’t know who originally said it but,

Knowledge is power

And I think it’s going to be important for you to become knowledgable about what your body is going through right now so we can adapt.

When I started this article I talked about how for some people going through a breakup can be difficult because everything is a constant reminder of their ex.

It’s been well recorded that going through a breakup is kind of like going through a withdrawal period.

In fact, scientists have done studies where they hooked the brain up onto an MRI machine and asked people questions who had just recently gone through a breakup and they found that the part of the brain that lights up is the same exact part that lights up in cocaine addicts going through withdrawal (source.)

In essence, your body is craving your ex and there is seemingly nothing you can do about it.

Hence, this is why you miss your ex so much.

The Problem With Missing Your Ex So Much

Lets pretend we have two individuals trying to win their ex back.

  • Individual A = Misses their ex so much and will do anything to get them back
  • Individual B = Wants their ex back but isn’t willing to put them on a pedestal. In fact, they have adopted an “oh well” mindset.

Which one do you think has a better chance of getting their ex back?

Well, my personal research has found that individual B will be successful.

But why?

Well, I think it has to do with the fact that individual A reeks of desperation and exes can sense that.

And therein lies our problem.

Generally missing your ex isn’t a bad thing. In fact, I’d go as far as saying that it’s completely natural.

But if you are ultimately going to be trying to win your ex back then you have to approach things a bit differently.

You need find a way to ensure that they aren’t plaguing your every thought.

How Can You Get Your Mind Off Your Ex

Yesterday I had a coaching call with a client who was trying to get her ex back and she told me a really interesting story.

Basically my client had a big presentation to give on a specific day. I mean, she had prepared for this presentation for months.

Well, the day before she was due to give the presentation she noticed that her ex, who she was still friends with on Facebook, had put up a picture with another girl and changed his status to the dread,

“In A Relationship…”

Upon seeing this she was distraught and immediately started having a panic attack.

“What do I do?”

“This is impossible…”

“I can’t get him back anymore”

Needless to say she was pretty depressed.

But that’s when something interesting happened. Instead of sulking in the corner of her hotel room she had to wake up the next day and give this big presentation.

After the presentation people wanted to interview her and ask her questions.

She ended up not coming back to her hotel room until late at night.

She hardly thought of her ex with the new girl at all.

Why?

Well, she was so busy she didn’t have time to think about it. And I think she unlocked the key to not missing her ex so much.

Basically force yourself to be so busy you don’t have time to think about your ex that much.

2. Utilize A No Contact Rule

If you are an avid reader of our website and know what the no contact rule is then you probably don’t need to read this section.

However, if this is one of your first times reading this website then I highly recommend you soak everything up that I am about to tell you.

Utilizing a no contact rule is essential if you want to stop from missing your ex so much and also have them become more drawn to you.

Why?

Well, before I get into the psychology of it let me first explain what the no contact rule is.

The No Contact Rule: A period of time (usually 21, 30 or 45 days) where you ignore your ex (barring a few exceptions,) while at the same time cultivating your own personal life.

Oh, and if you are more of a visual learner then check out this video explaining the no contact rule,

And also this video explaining how to know if the no contact rule is working,

Now, why is it so important for you to use the no contact rule?

Above I stated that your breakup is kind of like an addiction and you are always going to be looking for a fix.

The no contact rule is your first line of defense to prevent you engaging in that addiction.

The No Contact Rule Success Rate

One of my favorite articles (probably because it was the easiest to write) was my article on the NC success stories.

In it I make some pretty interesting statements.

Specifically,

We noticed that 70% of success stories on our website utilize the no contact rule. That figure becomes even higher in our FB group where 95% of our success stories have cited the no contact rule as essential to their success.

Now, if that doesn’t convince you that the no contact rule is a great way to attack these horrible “I miss him so much” feelings you are having perhaps this next one will.

I have noticed an interesting through line with all no contact periods being the individuals who used the time away from their ex wisely.

In other words, instead of sitting on their hands and obsessing during the time away from their ex they used their time away constructively.

What did they do?

Well, they engaged in “The Holy Trinity.”

For a quick explanation of the holy trinity check out this video,

3. Rework The Internal Conversation Going On In Their Head

Perception is everything when it comes to this.

If you really want to make a go at getting your ex back then one concept you really have to understand is that it’s not what you say or do that matters as much as how they perceive you in their head.

Here is a really interesting statistic you may not know.

Out of the thousands of success stories we have had over the years roughly half of them will break up again.

Why?

Well, it’s because the true decision on whether your ex will take you back for good happens after you get them back.

Think about it for a moment.

When you and your ex reunite it is exciting and filled with quite a bit of emotion.

It’s not until after they are pulled out of fantasy land that reality sets in and if you aren’t a strong enough force on your ex they will immediately regret their decision and your “new relationship” is doomed to fail.

It’s this internal conversation your ex has in their head that I want to highlight.

Overcoming Your Exes Internal Conversation

I am going to ask you a very simple question.

Why is it that your ex doesn’t want you back?

Did you cheat on them

Could they not stand your laugh anymore

Is it something as basic as them “losing feelings”

Do you even know?

You may not have even thought about it but I am here to tell you that thinking about it just became one of the most important tasks of your life currently.

And I am not talking about taking out a piece of paper and listing out all the reasons your ex gave you for the breakup. Often I find exes don’t have the best track record of being honest with you.

I am talking about figuring out those internal headwinds that they aren’t telling you about.

And that requires some serious soul searching on your part.

Sometimes that soul searching leads you to truths you’d rather not face.

  • Is it your looks?Are you not good looking enough?
  • Did he just think he could do better than me?

Now, I know what you are thinking.

“I get what you are saying Chris but how can I figure something out like this?”

Well, it’s a lot easier than you think.

Words Vs. Actions Theory

I work better with examples so lets pretend that your ex tells you that he doesn’t love you anymore.

Ok, that’s a pretty basic reason for a breakup and I certainly have thoughts about that type of logic,

The normal person takes a statement like that at face value and moves on assuming that is what happened.

But lets say that a few weeks after your breakup you, like my client in the story above, find out that your ex is dating someone new.

And to make matters worse it’s someone you know.

It’s that pesky bi*ch that your ex works with.

UGH, the nerve of this guy (in the example your ex is a guy.)

Now, your exes words clearly stated that he broke up with you because he started losing his feelings for you.

However, his actions tell a different story don’t they.

So, what are you to believe?

Under no circumstance should you ever prioritize words over actions. In fact, actions are everything when it comes to this business!

So, one of the best ways to determine what is really going on in your exes mind is to study their actions.

Simply remove words from the equation.

4. Make Use Of A Trojan Horse

You ever read the Illiad?

I certainly did.

In fact, I remember begging my dad to buy it for me when I was at a bookstore as a young child.

And I took this book with me everywhere.

But perhaps my most interesting memory of it was taking it with me to church as a kid. After all, my mom was making me go so I’ll be damned if I am not going to find some kind of enjoyment out of it.

The premise of the book is pretty simple.

A 10 year war is being waged after Paris (a Trojan) steals Helen from Agamemnon’s brother (Greek.) Eventually the war concludes after the Trojans are stupid enough to pull a gigantic horse into their city with a bunch of Greeks hiding in it.

That’s where the origin of “Trojan Horse” comes from.

It’s essentially become another way of saying “sneak attack.”

Well, I am going to teach you how to use a trojan horse to hopefully make your ex obsessed with you.

So, in order for me to fully explain this to you I’ll need you to grasp a couple of concepts.

The first concept is the idea of Misattribution of Emotions.

Here is a quick video explaining it’s premise,

The second premise we’ve already talked about quite a bit and that’s the idea of obsession.

Specifically as it relates to the addiction of a breakup.

How The Trojan Horse Works

Let’s begin with the end in mind.

The end goal here is to create an event that causes your ex to think about you obsessively without him even realizing that you caused the event.

In effect, it’s a mental trojan horse.

And we are going to utilize the idea of MOE (misattribution of emotions) to do it.

If you were too lazy to watch the video above then take a moment to go back and watch it.

MOE basically states that when human beings feel something they are likely to attach those emotions onto something that makes sense.

Now, let me ask you what is something that requires investment from you but at the same time yields so many positive emotions that it makes it all worth it?

If you guessed reading a book or watching a tv show then you’d be right.

Have you ever gotten so into a book or tv show that it’s all you can ever think about?

  • You daydream about it in your free time.
  • You look up fan art
  • You obsess about it

Chances are you are doing things like that because it makes you feel emotional.

What if we were able to forever attach ourselves to a piece of literature or a tv show?

And what if every time your ex watched that tv show or read that book they’d naturally associate it with you.

Sounds pretty awesome, right?

Here’s what I’d like you to do.

  1. Think of something your ex hasn’t seen or read before (you might have more luck with books)
  2. Gift that something to your ex when the time is right. Generally this will be after the no contact rule when attraction is being built.
  3. Create an incentive to ensure that your ex reads it
  4. Bask in the glory of MOE

Now, perhaps the most brilliant (or evil) part of this strategy is that every time there is a holy sh*t moment that makes your ex smile in the book or TV show they will associate it with you.

Especially if you gifted it to them.

Conclusion

Hey guys!

I just wanted to say thank you for making it to the end of this article.

Most people never do.

In fact, most people just skim the headings and think they’ve learned everything they need to know.

Your not that person are you?

Well, if you are then you probably won’t try hard enough to read in between the heads and miss an important bit of information.

My team and I will be personally responding to anyone who asks us a question in this article.

So if you are needing help on your situation with your ex.

Then you might want to check out the comments below!

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69 thoughts on “I Miss My Ex So Much”

  1. Avatar

    Jessica

    April 6, 2021 at 6:48 pm

    My ex has been in a history of mostly physical and surface layer relationships. Our relationship with was quite different. There was an emotional connection of the highest order and much talk about marriage, future and kids.
    My ex came to a realization that this is what was love was about and was “all in”. We suffered a loss in the form of a miscarriage and things were not the same. My ex was deeply hurt and looked at going down this new vulnerable path as not the way for him because it lead to more hurt than ever before. So when our communication and connection was not at an all time, my ex came to the conclusion that he no longer loved me and it was time to end the relationship.
    There is also an ex that was always lurking because of intense physical attraction with him. I am in no contact and moving forward in my life. But I can’t help but feel my heart still with him and our future together. I’m struggling.

  2. Avatar

    Richa

    February 17, 2021 at 4:12 am

    My boyfriend broke up with me 3months ago over phone. Due to covid he had gone back to his home town and we were in a long distance. We were dating since a year and he suddenly broke up with me saying his feelings have changed and that we’ve grown apart.
    But for me the distance was making my feelings more deeper.
    I have been devastated since then.
    I am really not able to stay away from him because he is moving on very quickly and it’s hurting me more.
    I really love him a lot.
    I’ve gone into depression.
    I have begged and pleaded which I know I shouldn’t have but I just want him back.
    And he is going further and further away.
    I really don’t know what to do.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 19, 2021 at 12:22 pm

      Hi Richa, you need to read and follow the rules of no contact and I would suggest that you do so for 45 days, in that time you need to be sure that you do not break NC and reach out to your ex at all for at least 45 days. Check out this article to help you along the way – https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/the-6-things-that-are-keeping-you-from-being-ungettable/

  3. Avatar

    Jeniffer

    December 9, 2020 at 2:27 pm

    Hey
    my bf and I broke up almost 3 weeks ago…after one year of dating. we barely spoke since then . He said that breaking up is the right decision even tho he still has feelings for me. He said we were arguing too much. But I feel like that s not the real reason. I mean that problem could have been fixed.
    I want him to text me but I don t think he will do that

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 28, 2020 at 8:06 pm

      Hi Jeniffer, I understand that is how you feel. However constant arguing with someone can take its toll on someone. Their feelings for you will change, their attraction towards you can change. It all affects people, even if you think that it is something small to him it could have a larger mental impact.

  4. Avatar

    Sarah

    November 3, 2020 at 1:26 am

    Hi I’m a lesbian and my girlfriend broke up with me 3 days ago. We’ve really been at it for a few weeks, arguing and disagreeing for senseless reasons. She got tired and decided that she’d want to leave but expressed how much she loves me and would want to work but right now she can’t. I’m honestly ain’t ready to let her go, what can I possibly do at this point?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 3, 2020 at 7:30 pm

      Hi Sarah, you need to allow her some time to get away from the arguing and fall out. Read and follow the advice of No Contact for 30 days and then start reaching out

  5. Avatar

    Zara

    November 1, 2020 at 6:19 pm

    My bf’s ex wife left the country taking his kids with her. He was in absolute pieces and a few weeks later he broke up with me and immediately moved on to another woman. He kept saying he needed a break and has no idea what he’s doing but recently they took a holiday today too. He’s met her family and children. Obviously I’m crushed. We were together for 4 years. While he was with her, he slept with me once and a few times sent me naughty messages. But then said it was a bad idea and has now blocked me. I started no contact and am struggling with it. It’s been a week and I’m still vomiting and having panic attacks. Exercise helps but right after I do it I start missing him so badly. I can’t focus on anything. Please give me some advice.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 1, 2020 at 7:12 pm

      Hi Zara, I’m sorry you are going through this. You need to try and force yourself to take better care of your mental health right now, try not to focus on him and what he is doing more about what is going to help you be stronger and happy again.

  6. Avatar

    Anna

    October 29, 2020 at 7:55 pm

    I was with my guy for almost 2 years. Then cut it off out of nowhere to focus on himself. I’ve never made him have to go out of his way to do anything for me I’ve been (to my knowledge) very easy to work with. He’s not doing anything with anyone else, I’m still very good friends with everyone around him and they all seem very clueless to what’s going on in our personal life as they communicate with me no differently. He will text me once every so often just to check in then I’m ghosted again, what gives? I can’t do any of these things if he doesn’t talk to me and I feel weird attempting not contact when I don’t feel like I’ve had complete closure to call it a “break up” either?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 29, 2020 at 9:32 pm

      Hi Anna, if you are unsure if you are together or not you need to have that conversation with him first, and then go from there. If you are together then you know he is just going through a strange phase, if you are broken up then you need to go into a no contact, and just spend time with your friends when he is not around, or limited no contact if he is.

  7. Avatar

    Anne

    September 13, 2020 at 12:55 am

    Thank you so much for your post and answering questions! It’s been 17 days of no contact for me. We lived together for over a year and he broke up with me at the beginning of August saying he wasn’t in love with me anymore. We lived together for three weeks after and it was horrible due to high emotions. But finally we moved out and I haven’t heard anything from him. A couple of days ago he blocked me on social media randomly and it really hurt. I still love him and I miss him a lot. He told me there was no one else involved upon breakup and that he his feelings had just changed…at the beginning of the relationship he used to tell me he didn’t deserve me and how lucky it was. Even when breaking up he said I was a great person and would find someone to love me twice as much as he ever could. It’s just hard thinking back and wondering what happened and i just worry that I will never hear from him again…I’m struggling to move on And I want to reach out but not sure if I should?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 28, 2020 at 5:46 pm

      Hi Anne, if you have gone a solid 45 days since being blocked before reaching out to your ex for the first time.

  8. Avatar

    Annie

    September 1, 2020 at 1:56 am

    Hi, I was getting to know a guy who lives overseas. We first ‘met’ via Twitter then we sent each other personal messages, exchange numbers, texts, phone calls. It was only for 2 weeks but it was quite intense in both quantity and quality. We really enjoyed each other’s company. One day we talked on the phone for over 2hrs. Next day he texted me saying that he concerns that I only broke up with my ex (whom I was with for years) a lil bit over 1 year now. For him it’s not long enough to know if he’s a rebound or not. He said if I live close to him, it would be easier for him to see but because we live so far away, he said as much as he really enjoyed the last 2 weeks, he’s not interested in pursuing anything. I was at work at that time and to say that I was shocked is an understatement. I rang him, trying to figure out the how, why, etc. I even ‘begged’ him to stay at least another week or two and he could ask me any questions. He asked me to believe him that if he has to go with his mere emotion, he won’t say no. But he was determined that it’s best to not prolong, otherwise our feelings would grow stronger and harder to separate if we must. I was devastated. Mostly the shock and the reasoning behind it. It just not good enough (for me). Days later I texted him asking for his email address, he replied maybe 4 days later. I sent the email, he replied a week after. I stopped initiating contact. Email was a closure for me. We used to like each other’s posts, but he has pretty much doing that altogether now, maybe one or twice. I think 2 weeks after my email, I received a text from him saying that he wanted to check how I’m doing and other trivial question. I replied within a day, he replied within an hour, I replied again but it’s a close ended one. So that’s that. 2 days later I accidentally sent him a text meant for my friend. I saw that he read it. I didn’t think much of it. 4 or 5 days later he sent me another text saying,”wrong person?” I never replied to that text. A week later he sent me another text saying,”hey, doing alright?” and with another trivial question. This time I took my time. 2 days with no reply from me, he liked one of my posts on Twitter. I think he’s trying to get my attention. But still I replied 4 days since the text (2 days after he liked my post) and now has been 3 days I haven’t received a reply from him. I seriously don’t understand this behaviour. Mind you, he’s been adding new female users on Twitter too. I do care about him a lot and I miss him a lot, but his way of treating me (remember, I didn’t do anything it was all his decision to end things) is unacceptable. I know he has time to reply to texts, but keep making me wait for days on purpose?? What is he doing? And if he doesn’t care anymore, why keep texting once a week and why liked my post to catch my attention? Pretty immature. If he’s not interested, why bother me. I just wanna move forward because everytime he sends me text, it takes me back to square one and I miss him badly again. We are both in our 30’s. And it’s been 1.5 months since he told me he’s no longer interested. I did try no contact, I know it might not been long enough but it’s because we only had a 2 weeks intense long distance relationship. As intense as LDR could be. So I think if I ignore him for a full month, he’ll move on completely.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 10, 2020 at 8:41 pm

      Hey Annie, it is up to you if you choose to follow this program, so my advice would be to follow a no contact. But again this is your choice

  9. Avatar

    Paige

    August 16, 2020 at 3:25 am

    My ex broke up with me 18 days ago. I’ve been in no contact for 17 days.
    Within two days of the breakup he had removed me/blocked me from all social media.
    Yesterday, I accidentally watched his Instagram story for his secondary non-personal Instagram account that he apparently had not yet removed me from. Instagram just plays story after story and I didn’t realize it was there until it was too late and I had watched it.
    Within an hour, he had blocked me from that page too.

    Does this mean I broke no contact? Do I have to start over?

    Also, do I even have a chance at this point if after 17 days he’s still immediately erasing my existence from his life once he realizes I was still connected to him there?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 17, 2020 at 11:23 pm

      Hi Paige, yes you do as he is taking the time and effort to do this – he is emotional!

  10. Avatar

    Ritz

    July 29, 2020 at 8:26 am

    Me and my ex has broken up a month ago.it was his decision as we both used to fight alot nd were in on/off relation for 10 months.last time he broke up with me due to misunderstanding which he didnt even try to listen as he didnt trust me.he was equally at fault too but he was too stubborn to look at his own.after breakup he told me he has a gf which is better than me blsh blah.he was trying to make me jealous and also told me not to message him.i didnt nor I gave him any reaction.after that whenever I post my pic on story he will assume that I went on a date with another hit and will start taunting me and lashing out like I am a cheap woman who roam with boys.he tried his best to take out a rxn from me but I ignored and after 21 days of brkup he again lashed out insulting me nd I couldn’t tolerate it nd blocked him from whatsapp and started no contact rule after telling him not to hurt me anymore.now I am in 16 days of no contact but didnt get any message from him..has he moved on ?do I have any chance?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 31, 2020 at 12:53 pm

      Hi Ritz, I would suggest that you follow a longer period of NC and focus on yourself for some time, but honestly it does not sound as if this would be a good relationship to get back into based on what you have told me above, unless he works on his trust issues he is not going to be able to have a healthy happy relationship with anyone

  11. Avatar

    MG

    July 22, 2020 at 6:44 am

    I’m feeling pretty down right now and I don’t even knoe if I fit in the situation. I started dating someone that I had already known before. This person became so important to me, we started doing many things together, I used to cook for him, we would watch many movies together, etc. One time when I said I cared, he kind of pulled away, I approached him and tried to fix it telling him that I did not mean to rush anything and that I was only hoping for him to be himself and that’s all.. After that, he started acting so nice, he had more initiative, so supportive, we would enjoy things as usual, but there was something extra I enjoyed a lot. One day, when I said i missed him (we had different plans over the weekend) he replied in a pretty cold way (just said “ok”) and when expressing my feelings about it, he was kinda of rude or defensive. We had a fight over texts, and he stopped replying. It was around 4 months of relationship, not really long but it took him so little to give up on it and me, it took me so little to grow my feelings for him. And he has not approached to me and I feel that, there’s nothing wrong with expressing myself, so I won’t approach to him this time. It’s been over a week and I feel he has no intentions on talking to me. I’m not desperate, but I truly miss him so much.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 25, 2020 at 12:23 pm

      Hey MG it does sound as if your guy just isnt interested in a serious relationship or does not know how to communicate his feelings. I would follow the program and see how long it takes for him to reach out, but you need to stick to a 30 day No Contact before you speak with him again

  12. Avatar

    PS

    July 14, 2020 at 6:11 pm

    I broke up from my most stable relationship a month and a half ago. He was very committed to me, but accepted the breakup easily. He has this rule that he never makes up after a breakup due to stress and further heartache, and I’m afraid I have messed it up too much since the breakup. I requested my things back. We have spoken a few times, initiated by me, but he’s grown colder each time. I did all of this because I’m trying to find ways to sew up my grief and I fear I’ve made a mistake. I’m afraid after everything that he will move on quickly.

  13. Avatar

    Cody

    July 12, 2020 at 4:48 pm

    My ex came back from a broken relationship to make it work with me and broke up with me in just 7 months. She said she fell out of love with me and later then had moved on to a new girl in less than 6 months. I went down to her workplace begged up, cried and pleaded she simply said that she feels nothing and that she doesn’t like me. I threw everything she ever gave me in her face. But I want her back we were on and off for 9 years this is truly heartbreaking

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 13, 2020 at 4:29 pm

      Hey Cody, this is really upsetting and hard for people to deal with and especially with the amount of time you have been together too. However, going to her place of work is crossing a line you should understand that it is going to put you in a “crazy ex” category where you do not want to be. If your ex is going through some personal feelings right now then you need to accept this and follow a 45 day No Contact, and if in the mean time they date or get into a new relationship as upsetting as it may be accept this is part of many peoples journeys here. You need to read and follow the being there method and see how you can work on improving yourself too. You mention that you are on and off again you also need to work out why that is

  14. Avatar

    Sunflower

    February 28, 2020 at 11:17 pm

    Hi guys,

    Long story short, my ex of 2 years left me in December 2019 because I lied over something so small this is the 3rd I have lied over little things ( which I know a lie is a lie) I feel so horrible about it I lied because I didn’t want to have an argument about it & every time we would argue he would end it with me but he did start changing and instead of always ending it he would communit with me about the issue.. Since December I’ve been chasing and begging (I regret it now). Since we have broken up he’d would ask if I have met anyone else etc anyway about a month ago he stopped asking and just started ignoring me. 2 weeks ago I told him I really want to work this out I pleaded my case and I couldn’t stop crying. All he said to me was there is no more us its over. Since then I started the no contact its been so hard and I miss him so much! He watches my whats app stories, he has never had a whats app image of himself but just recently he put one up as his profile picture. Not sure if he is doing this to hurt me because he knows seeing pictures of him & us hurts me deep.

    So my question Is, is it to late to start the no contact & make him miss me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 10, 2020 at 11:12 pm

      Hi Sunflower, so no it is not too late to start but you must stick to a solid No Contact, but it needs to be 45 days and take that time to focus on yourself and work on your emotional control

  15. Avatar

    Sarah

    January 28, 2020 at 3:25 am

    My boyfriend of a year broke up with me today. He said he loves me and cares for me but that even people in love cant be together if they arent compatible. He felt we were going different directions in life and said he didnt want to hold me back while he figured his life out. He said he need to be alone so he could grow up and learn what he really wanted and needed. I’m heart broken, we had discussed a future together in length and now he doesn’t know what he wants in life. He recently has been spending time with his brother whom he is very close with trying to help him through his own break up. He told me the day he broke up with me that he loved me many times. He just didnt know how to compromise and put me first before himself and his family like he said I deserve. Hes not been able to hold a steady job or find a career hes passionate about which is extremely important to him. He says hes not going to do a job he hates for the rest of his life. I’m trying to be strong. He reached out to me this evening asking if I was ok and I said I was but I’m in so much pain. We have lived together for 8 months now and hes staying at his brothers. He said he will pay our rent for the next few months so I can figure out what I want to do. He even offered to put the apartment in my name so I could stay if I wanted. I moved states to be here with him and I dont feel like I can stay here without him. My family and friends are all in my home state and I feel like I need to be with my support system but the part of me that’s in denial about the whole thing fears if I move back home im putting the last nail in the coffin. I’m distraught and I dont know what to do and I know he is hurting to because we do both love eachother still. He just says he cant be what i need right now because his life isn’t what he wants it to be right now. Please any advice or suggestions or just encouragement would help.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 6, 2020 at 10:03 pm

      Hey Sarah, so if he has ended things because he feels like life is taking you down different paths. Then you need to consider if this is true or not. If you want the same things in life then you are able to see a future with him that means you both get to do what you want then you need to start with a no contact working on yourself to show that you are interested in the same life as he is (ONLY IF THAT IS TRUE). Following the information in No Contact and working towards becoming Ungettable is going to be in your favour if you get back together or move on

  16. Avatar

    Ella

    January 24, 2020 at 9:25 am

    Me and my ex broke up a month ago but I persistently spoke to him begging him back for at least two weeks straight. He had enough of me and just blocked me everywhere, what i’m confused about is that when we met( couple days after breakup) he started crying about the situation when it was his choice. Everytime i reach out he ignores me and blocks me. I’m currently in NC again- is there even hope ???

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 24, 2020 at 11:12 am

      Hi Ella, even if it was his decision it does not mean he isn’t upset about the situation. Yes there is a chance but you MUST MUST MUST do a 45 day no contact and work on yourself during that time

  17. Avatar

    Chelsea

    January 7, 2020 at 4:50 pm

    My ex and i dated for nearly 6 months

    We had an instant chemistry and our relationship went from seeing eachother twice a week to every second day! I house sit so we stayed in many houses together (shopping, making breakfast, sleeping in, walking dogs together ect). We had a physically close conection (our love languages matched: physical touch)

    He was super romantic in the first 2 months especially and after some time introduced me to his best friends and i soon became a part of his social circle (i got along with his male and female friends really well and they seemed to like me. They said i was the best match he had found in a while). We even chatted about traveling together and future dates months ahead of time. I really fell in love with him by around month 4 and he told me he loved me first.

    I should also mension he has a relationship pattern of “always dating a new girl” and he seems to always be in a relationship or dating. (I think he may have anxious attachment according to psychology)

    Things started to take a turn because i got insecure about his female friendships. He had met a girl in another city while we were dating who was interested in similar podcasts to him and they would skype once a week to chat about their similar interests. The only thing is she looked like a model and it really made me feel insecure that there was more going on… id also see him text her very now and then. He assured me she had a boyfriend bur once he answered her skype call with me in the roomand said her ex broke up with her in the call.

    Id never think he was cheating. It was more just a fear of him being more attracted to someone else.

    To make it harder he also has a female best friend. They spend a lot of 1 on 1 time together and it made me again feel insecure. He assured me that they were just friends and she did have a boyfriend. But when i heard of their new plan to study each morning together it triggered my insecurity and i said one morning “im not sure how long i can take this” in a moment of panic.

    He messaged me later that day saying he needed space as he had been “bombarded by my ongoing jelousy”. He set a date 10 days from that day and said “ill talk to you then” and ignored me completely.

    I broke down in these 10 days and over analysed my actions. I decided that i was being insecure and that his friend was just a friend as she had a Boyfriend and i must have been reacting from a place of insecurity.

    I made the mistake of messaging him on day 8 of the break saying i missed him and we orgaised a time to meet to discuss the relationship.

    A mutual friend of ours called me to warn me she had heard he was thinking of breaking up with me.

    We met and i said i was sorry for being insecure and that him shutting me out was hurtful. He said he felt manipulated into seeing his friend less and that “he shouldbe able to do what he likes” but hesaid sorry for hurting me by forcing the break. We got back together for 10 amazing days but had a few small insignificant fights. Then i saw an intimate christmas letter from a new female friend i hadnt met thanking him for taking her out and spending time with her (mostly during our break). I sadly reacted out of emotion again and left his house and drove home. I messaged him saying he had crossed some of my personal boundaries by taking a attractive new girl out like that and he texted he “no longer wanted to be in a relationship with me”

    Im so upset because i feel i let my emotional reactions and insecurity dammaged the attraction in our relationship. He said he no longer loved me but loved me as a person.

    I messaged 2 days later asking to try again and he ignored me for a week before responding saying sorry for ignoring me and that he felt down because he knew i probably had been struggling but he thinks its better to be apart. He said he hoped down the line we could reconect as friends.

    I responded in a short distant way saying its okay you have to follow your instincts/ heart. But i showed no emotion and made no comment on being friends in the future.

    He tried to chat a little more about seeinga doctor (i assume to re conect again?) But i pretty much let the convo die off

    I now plan to do no contact

    I would love your advice on what you think of my situation

    Thanks

    Chelsea
    USA

    Ps he always mensioned his exes even though i said it bothered me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 11, 2020 at 5:34 am

      Hey Chelsea, so first thing, you definitely need to do a No Contact, and the length really depends on how long it takes for you to do the work to over come your insecurities and worries. As these are going to ruin any future relationships you may have.

      Think of it this way, he had those female friends before you got together, his best friend has been around for a long time too. If something was going to happen between them, he would have had it happen before getting a girlfriend. So you need to remind yourself he chose to be with you because he liked you. Working on yourself to know you are worthy and not going to leave you for someone else because who ever gets to be with you is going to know how great you are! Read about what it takes to become Ungettable and you will see what work it is you need to do

  18. Avatar

    Sarah

    November 14, 2019 at 3:08 pm

    My ex after 2 years has said he wants to be friends. Friends is all he can do right now with me and wants to go on dates with other people. He says you don’t know what’s around the corner and things might change for us. He keeps sending me confusing texts and im trying to do N C, am I going about it the right way and do I have any chance of getting my ex back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 14, 2019 at 10:31 pm

      Hey Sarah, so as long as you are ignoring his texts and not replying. Also during this no contact you need to be working on yourself so that you are Ungettable when you do speak to him again. But No Contact means do not reply to him he needs to realise he cnt have you as a friend if you want to be more than friends.

  19. Avatar

    Shantée

    November 14, 2019 at 12:15 am

    He broke up with me and for a while before the break up he was distant and we had a huge argument and one or two the week after the breakup.this is both our first relationship and We both messed up in the relationship he was a stonewaller and I was a needy person. So before I went into no contact we agreed to FaceTime on thanksgiving.He also assured me that he wouldn’t be using that time for females but for himself. What’s the best way To ask him if he kept his promise, bc I don’t want to be with him anymore if he did bc it will be too hurtful for me I know myself. It has been 21 days no contact so far. For background we were in a long distance relationship for almost 2 1/2 years. So how would I build up in this situation being that we are supposed to FaceTime, and seeing him in person will take some time? Should I text him before thanksgiving? Also we were following each other on ig and he was watching my stories for the first week and a half then all of a sudden he unfollowed me. I never showed I was sad, I was showing I was having a great time without him actually. In the past, he had done this (unfollowed me on ig) bc he said he was angry. Maybe he unfollowed me to get a rise out of me (given I use to so him why he would do such a thing when we were together)or bc he couldn’t understand how I’m doing so great without him? I didn’t unfollow him back bc I’m trying to make it look like I didn’t notice, even though it hurts. Instead I just deleted my Instagram app so I didn’t have the urge to see what he’s doing. Currently I am in my 3rd week and I feel like I’m going backwards because I miss him more now then I did last week and the thoughts are overwhelming. I have depression and anxiety already so this situation has made it even harder to deal with that. Please advise on how to handle this situation the best way u can. I know by thanksgiving I will still love and want him but I want to feel like I don’t need him

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 15, 2019 at 12:25 am

      Hi Shantee, so you do not reach out for thanksgiving, just dont. It will go noticed by him and then he will be obsessively wondering why you havent spoken to him. You need to do a full No Contact for a minimum of 30 days. Work on becoming Ungettable during this time

  20. Avatar

    Maribel

    October 26, 2019 at 11:30 pm

    Is there someone still available for answers?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 27, 2019 at 2:45 pm

      Hi Maribel, yes post your comment and I will answer you within a couple of days usually

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