Breaking up with someone is extremely difficult but it’s not the actual breakup that is the worst part. No, I’m betting that it’s what happens after the breakup where things get tough.
Often that’s where I’ll have clients saying things like,
I miss my ex so much…
I need to get him back….
Help me, I’ll do anything!
I’ve long theorized that most of the breakup decisions occur inside the head. So, it makes sense that, that is where the most difficult part of the breakup occurs.
It’s those thoughts that follow you around that never let up that make you miss your ex.
Where you are simply walking around and everything reminds you of them.
Oh my god, (insert song) came on the radio. That was our song.
Look at that car, that was my exes car.
Look at that color, that was their color.
Ok, maybe that last one was a stretch.
Here’s my point.
You are struggling right now that’s probably why you felt the need to come online and search around for a way to stop the pain you are feeling.
I know!
I’ve been there.
So, here is my promise to you.
I am going to teach you what you need to do to NOT miss your ex as much while at the same time creating a situation where they will be drawn to you again.
Sound fair?
Let’s get started!
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizI Miss My Ex So Much, How Can I Get Them Back?
Making your ex miss you is easier than you think.
Sounds cliche, right?
But it really is.
In fact, I’ve found a way for you to do that in four simple steps,
- Understand the changes your body is going through
- Utilize A No Contact Rule
- Rework The Internal Conversation Going On In Their Head
- Make Use Of A Trojan Horse
Now, I am going to go out on a limb here and say you have no clue what I am talking about with these four steps, right?
Well, no worries because I am going to help you through this process step by step.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quiz1. Understand The Changes Your Body Is Going Through
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizThis is such an odd place to start an article on getting an ex back, right?
Well, I don’t know who originally said it but,
Knowledge is power
And I think it’s going to be important for you to become knowledgable about what your body is going through right now so we can adapt.
When I started this article I talked about how for some people going through a breakup can be difficult because everything is a constant reminder of their ex.
It’s been well recorded that going through a breakup is kind of like going through a withdrawal period.
In fact, scientists have done studies where they hooked the brain up onto an MRI machine and asked people questions who had just recently gone through a breakup and they found that the part of the brain that lights up is the same exact part that lights up in cocaine addicts going through withdrawal (source.)
In essence, your body is craving your ex and there is seemingly nothing you can do about it.
Hence, this is why you miss your ex so much.
The Problem With Missing Your Ex So Much
Lets pretend we have two individuals trying to win their ex back.
- Individual A = Misses their ex so much and will do anything to get them back
- Individual B = Wants their ex back but isn’t willing to put them on a pedestal. In fact, they have adopted an “oh well” mindset.
Which one do you think has a better chance of getting their ex back?
Well, my personal research has found that individual B will be successful.
But why?
Well, I think it has to do with the fact that individual A reeks of desperation and exes can sense that.
And therein lies our problem.
Generally missing your ex isn’t a bad thing. In fact, I’d go as far as saying that it’s completely natural.
But if you are ultimately going to be trying to win your ex back then you have to approach things a bit differently.
You need find a way to ensure that they aren’t plaguing your every thought.
How Can You Get Your Mind Off Your Ex
Yesterday I had a coaching call with a client who was trying to get her ex back and she told me a really interesting story.
Basically my client had a big presentation to give on a specific day. I mean, she had prepared for this presentation for months.
Well, the day before she was due to give the presentation she noticed that her ex, who she was still friends with on Facebook, had put up a picture with another girl and changed his status to the dread,
“In A Relationship…”
Upon seeing this she was distraught and immediately started having a panic attack.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quiz“What do I do?”
“This is impossible…”
“I can’t get him back anymore”
Needless to say she was pretty depressed.
But that’s when something interesting happened. Instead of sulking in the corner of her hotel room she had to wake up the next day and give this big presentation.
After the presentation people wanted to interview her and ask her questions.
She ended up not coming back to her hotel room until late at night.
She hardly thought of her ex with the new girl at all.
Why?
Well, she was so busy she didn’t have time to think about it. And I think she unlocked the key to not missing her ex so much.
Basically force yourself to be so busy you don’t have time to think about your ex that much.
2. Utilize A No Contact Rule
If you are an avid reader of our website and know what the no contact rule is then you probably don’t need to read this section.
However, if this is one of your first times reading this website then I highly recommend you soak everything up that I am about to tell you.
Utilizing a no contact rule is essential if you want to stop from missing your ex so much and also have them become more drawn to you.
Why?
Well, before I get into the psychology of it let me first explain what the no contact rule is.
The No Contact Rule: A period of time (usually 21, 30 or 45 days) where you ignore your ex (barring a few exceptions,) while at the same time cultivating your own personal life.
Oh, and if you are more of a visual learner then check out this video explaining the no contact rule,
And also this video explaining how to know if the no contact rule is working,
Now, why is it so important for you to use the no contact rule?
Above I stated that your breakup is kind of like an addiction and you are always going to be looking for a fix.
The no contact rule is your first line of defense to prevent you engaging in that addiction.
The No Contact Rule Success Rate
One of my favorite articles (probably because it was the easiest to write) was my article on the NC success stories.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizIn it I make some pretty interesting statements.
Specifically,
We noticed that 70% of success stories on our website utilize the no contact rule. That figure becomes even higher in our FB group where 95% of our success stories have cited the no contact rule as essential to their success.
Now, if that doesn’t convince you that the no contact rule is a great way to attack these horrible “I miss him so much” feelings you are having perhaps this next one will.
I have noticed an interesting through line with all no contact periods being the individuals who used the time away from their ex wisely.
In other words, instead of sitting on their hands and obsessing during the time away from their ex they used their time away constructively.
What did they do?
Well, they engaged in “The Holy Trinity.”
For a quick explanation of the holy trinity check out this video,
3. Rework The Internal Conversation Going On In Their Head
Perception is everything when it comes to this.
If you really want to make a go at getting your ex back then one concept you really have to understand is that it’s not what you say or do that matters as much as how they perceive you in their head.
Here is a really interesting statistic you may not know.
Out of the thousands of success stories we have had over the years roughly half of them will break up again.
Why?
Well, it’s because the true decision on whether your ex will take you back for good happens after you get them back.
Think about it for a moment.
When you and your ex reunite it is exciting and filled with quite a bit of emotion.
It’s not until after they are pulled out of fantasy land that reality sets in and if you aren’t a strong enough force on your ex they will immediately regret their decision and your “new relationship” is doomed to fail.
It’s this internal conversation your ex has in their head that I want to highlight.
Overcoming Your Exes Internal Conversation
I am going to ask you a very simple question.
Why is it that your ex doesn’t want you back?
Did you cheat on them
Could they not stand your laugh anymore
Is it something as basic as them “losing feelings”
Do you even know?
You may not have even thought about it but I am here to tell you that thinking about it just became one of the most important tasks of your life currently.
And I am not talking about taking out a piece of paper and listing out all the reasons your ex gave you for the breakup. Often I find exes don’t have the best track record of being honest with you.
I am talking about figuring out those internal headwinds that they aren’t telling you about.
And that requires some serious soul searching on your part.
Sometimes that soul searching leads you to truths you’d rather not face.
- Is it your looks?Are you not good looking enough?
- Did he just think he could do better than me?
Now, I know what you are thinking.
“I get what you are saying Chris but how can I figure something out like this?”
Well, it’s a lot easier than you think.
Words Vs. Actions Theory
I work better with examples so lets pretend that your ex tells you that he doesn’t love you anymore.
Ok, that’s a pretty basic reason for a breakup and I certainly have thoughts about that type of logic,
The normal person takes a statement like that at face value and moves on assuming that is what happened.
But lets say that a few weeks after your breakup you, like my client in the story above, find out that your ex is dating someone new.
And to make matters worse it’s someone you know.
It’s that pesky bi*ch that your ex works with.
UGH, the nerve of this guy (in the example your ex is a guy.)
Now, your exes words clearly stated that he broke up with you because he started losing his feelings for you.
However, his actions tell a different story don’t they.
So, what are you to believe?
Under no circumstance should you ever prioritize words over actions. In fact, actions are everything when it comes to this business!
So, one of the best ways to determine what is really going on in your exes mind is to study their actions.
Simply remove words from the equation.
4. Make Use Of A Trojan Horse
You ever read the Illiad?
I certainly did.
In fact, I remember begging my dad to buy it for me when I was at a bookstore as a young child.
And I took this book with me everywhere.
But perhaps my most interesting memory of it was taking it with me to church as a kid. After all, my mom was making me go so I’ll be damned if I am not going to find some kind of enjoyment out of it.
The premise of the book is pretty simple.
A 10 year war is being waged after Paris (a Trojan) steals Helen from Agamemnon’s brother (Greek.) Eventually the war concludes after the Trojans are stupid enough to pull a gigantic horse into their city with a bunch of Greeks hiding in it.
That’s where the origin of “Trojan Horse” comes from.
It’s essentially become another way of saying “sneak attack.”
Well, I am going to teach you how to use a trojan horse to hopefully make your ex obsessed with you.
So, in order for me to fully explain this to you I’ll need you to grasp a couple of concepts.
The first concept is the idea of Misattribution of Emotions.
Here is a quick video explaining it’s premise,
The second premise we’ve already talked about quite a bit and that’s the idea of obsession.
Specifically as it relates to the addiction of a breakup.
How The Trojan Horse Works
Let’s begin with the end in mind.
The end goal here is to create an event that causes your ex to think about you obsessively without him even realizing that you caused the event.
In effect, it’s a mental trojan horse.
And we are going to utilize the idea of MOE (misattribution of emotions) to do it.
If you were too lazy to watch the video above then take a moment to go back and watch it.
MOE basically states that when human beings feel something they are likely to attach those emotions onto something that makes sense.
Now, let me ask you what is something that requires investment from you but at the same time yields so many positive emotions that it makes it all worth it?
If you guessed reading a book or watching a tv show then you’d be right.
Have you ever gotten so into a book or tv show that it’s all you can ever think about?
- You daydream about it in your free time.
- You look up fan art
- You obsess about it
Chances are you are doing things like that because it makes you feel emotional.
What if we were able to forever attach ourselves to a piece of literature or a tv show?
And what if every time your ex watched that tv show or read that book they’d naturally associate it with you.
Sounds pretty awesome, right?
Here’s what I’d like you to do.
- Think of something your ex hasn’t seen or read before (you might have more luck with books)
- Gift that something to your ex when the time is right. Generally this will be after the no contact rule when attraction is being built.
- Create an incentive to ensure that your ex reads it
- Bask in the glory of MOE
Now, perhaps the most brilliant (or evil) part of this strategy is that every time there is a holy sh*t moment that makes your ex smile in the book or TV show they will associate it with you.
Especially if you gifted it to them.
Conclusion
Hey guys!
I just wanted to say thank you for making it to the end of this article.
Most people never do.
In fact, most people just skim the headings and think they’ve learned everything they need to know.
Your not that person are you?
Well, if you are then you probably won’t try hard enough to read in between the heads and miss an important bit of information.
My team and I will be personally responding to anyone who asks us a question in this article.
So if you are needing help on your situation with your ex.
Then you might want to check out the comments below!
Samira
September 19, 2022 at 8:55 pm
Hi, my ex told me he thinks he doesn’t love me anymore, so we broke up 2 1/2 months ago. We were in a ldr over 2 years and the last months we were living together as he was visiting me. Our relationship started out strong and we were planning the long time. He told me he feels different because when we were living together we were arguing and misunderstanding each other a lot which is true. We both had a very stressful time. Although after breaking up he apologised for his behaviour and being impatient. Is there any chance to reconcile? We very rarely send messages about exchanging things and I have asked for time to myself as I feel so hurt. I can’t forget about us and what we could build together after this stressful period has passed.
Brittany
September 10, 2022 at 9:39 pm
My ex (honestly it’s hard to even write the word ex because it feels so wrong) broke up with me 2 weeks ago after I had a disturbing mental health episode that has since been cured with a healthy diet but not before it created a traumatic week of stress for both of us. We were living together for 3 years prior to this and had a very strong loving relationship where we had a business together and dreams of getting married and having a family. In about 50 days from now we have a trip planned. We decided to do no contact until then and then go on the trip together to see where things are at then, but I’ve been struggling mentally. I’m trying to do everything I can to work on myself but I just can’t imagine my life without him and I feel like I caused this to happen. Any advice?
Coach Shaunna Nicol
September 13, 2022 at 5:35 pm
Hey Brittany, for now it sounds that you need to NC and follow up on working on yourself to become mentally and physically stronger again. It takes time and understand that for now your ex is healing too.
Alice
March 14, 2022 at 6:36 pm
My ex broke up with me after I found out he was flirting with someone he met at the airport. I texted the woman but said she does not have any intentions of hooking up but my ex got angry with me and eventually broke up, blaming me that it was my fault and that I should have not texted the other girl. I was really devastated and surprised. We’ve been in a relationship for almost 5 years and it hurts so much. I still love him so much, he already blocked me on all of his social media and phone number. I feel like I cannot move on from this, we just broke up a week ago. I want him back so bad.
Andie
January 28, 2022 at 10:46 pm
Hi,
My ex and I dated for a little over 2 years and broke up about 2 months ago. It really came out of nowhere for me – we had been both really stressed about our careers and studies and we weren’t putting each other first as much as we had been. Also with my anxiety, I didn’t want to go out a lot when things began opening up and he did, which also drove a wedge between us. Still, we only talked about these issues about a week before we broke up. I know now he probably had been thinking about it for a while. I love him so much still, and while I’m not sure that he still loves me the same way, he did say I love you a lot as we broke up and we were making plans and promises the day before. I’ve been doing no contact the whole time since the breakup, expect for when I had to drop off a book I borrowed from his mom. I’ve been working on myself and my anxiety and I feel more and more like I can accept that we may never be back together. However, I still want us to get back together. I’m just not really sure when a good time is to try to contact him again without seeming desperate, or what steps I should even take. I don’t even know if I should contact him, or just wait for him to possibly miss me and let him take the lead. Is it possible he might return? Should I wait for him to reach out? I’m not sure what my next steps should be.
Sarah
October 18, 2021 at 7:55 pm
Hi,
These articles and resources are invaluable! Thanks so much!
I dated my guy for 3.5 months (short I know) but we had an intense deep connection. He ended up breaking up with me and when pushed he gave so many different reasons from the lack of spark/loss of feelings/loss of trust but then he also wanted me to wait, said he would probably regret his decision and wanted to remain friends because we shared something deep and meaningful. I went into no contact because I didn’t want to be an option, i really miss him, it’s been 2 weeks and i just feel he let his insecurities get the better of him. Will he return or is it unlikely given he hasn’t reached out ?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
January 10, 2022 at 7:50 pm
Hey Sarah, so the good news is that the relationship was short so there was no long term damage caused, hopefully you created enough positive memories so that when he thinks back about your time together it is mainly positive. I would suggest that you be sure that you work on yourself during your NC but I would not pass the 30 day mark. Prepare yourself for your first reach out text and prepare for all possible outcomes of the conversation.
Rachel
August 28, 2021 at 7:39 pm
I dated this guy for 5months more. He loved me so much and did everything to make me happy. He puts me first above other things. But he broke up with me cus he felt I was being a baby all the time and never really cared about him or return the energy he was giving me. He said needs a partner and not a baby and even if he loves so much he can’t continue the relationship. Only realized how much I love him and how I want to be a better partner for him and not always being a baby. But he won’t give me a chance. I’ve tried begging him for over a week but he refused. He even block me on WhatsApp saying he still have feelings for me and don’t want to keep listening to what I have to say cus they make him emotional.. i really want him back
Amy
August 15, 2021 at 2:05 pm
It’s been two weeks since he broke up with me. He said he was not in love anymore and had been having doubts for a few weeks. It was a shock to me as we should have been going on holiday the next day. He was always very loving and affectionate but told my friend this was because it felt comfortable for him to be this way around me. We had been together 2.5 years and had been living together for 8 months. My mental health suffered in lockdown and he confided to my friend after the breakup he struggled with this but did not communicate with me. I was finally starting to feel like myself again but now I have plummeted back into having panic attacks and cannot focus on anything. We had planned a future together. I am so shocked and hurt. Now that my belongings have been returned I have entered no contact. He wants to remain friends (he liked my recent social media post) but I said I cannot be sure due to how he handled the breakup. I just want him back. My friend thinks it is a lost cause and he is sure of his decision but I can’t accept it. He told me he loved me during the time he was supposedly having doubts. Will no contact make him miss me or is it really over?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
November 20, 2021 at 8:18 pm
Hi Amy, yes the NC will make him miss you as long as you stick with it and be sure that you use that time to start working on yourself.
Sara
August 9, 2021 at 10:03 am
Hi team,
I miss my ex a lot. He broke up with me about a month ago. We loved each other a lot but there were a lot of.fights in the relationship. I went NC after begging for over a week. He reached out at day 20 of NC wanting to be friends and i told him i wanted a relationship. This made him mad and he has blocked my number now
I am.in NC again. Is there hope?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
August 9, 2021 at 7:52 pm
Hey Sara, so if he reaches out to you asking to be friends, then you need to explain that you are not ready for that YET. However, you should not respond during your NC period anyway.
Mel
August 4, 2021 at 2:42 am
Hi,
I’ve been on and off with my ex for around 5 years now. I lived with him for the last year of my life and he had become withdrawn sexually and I even started sleeping on the couch. I went home a week ago because he told me he needed space but he loved me after an argument. He contacted me it didn’t go well and I told him after 5 years of he needs space than it’s saying something. I told him I wanted my things back after catching him online trying to “hang out” with other woman. I didn’t bring it up just told him I wanted my things back. And he gave them back I mean even down to cleaning supplies soap and shampoo. I am writing because I want to break the cycle of hot and cold or come here go away. I’m so frustrated with him and hurt that he keeps doing this to me.
Jessica
April 6, 2021 at 6:48 pm
My ex has been in a history of mostly physical and surface layer relationships. Our relationship with was quite different. There was an emotional connection of the highest order and much talk about marriage, future and kids.
My ex came to a realization that this is what was love was about and was “all in”. We suffered a loss in the form of a miscarriage and things were not the same. My ex was deeply hurt and looked at going down this new vulnerable path as not the way for him because it lead to more hurt than ever before. So when our communication and connection was not at an all time, my ex came to the conclusion that he no longer loved me and it was time to end the relationship.
There is also an ex that was always lurking because of intense physical attraction with him. I am in no contact and moving forward in my life. But I can’t help but feel my heart still with him and our future together. I’m struggling.
Richa
February 17, 2021 at 4:12 am
My boyfriend broke up with me 3months ago over phone. Due to covid he had gone back to his home town and we were in a long distance. We were dating since a year and he suddenly broke up with me saying his feelings have changed and that we’ve grown apart.
But for me the distance was making my feelings more deeper.
I have been devastated since then.
I am really not able to stay away from him because he is moving on very quickly and it’s hurting me more.
I really love him a lot.
I’ve gone into depression.
I have begged and pleaded which I know I shouldn’t have but I just want him back.
And he is going further and further away.
I really don’t know what to do.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
February 19, 2021 at 12:22 pm
Hi Richa, you need to read and follow the rules of no contact and I would suggest that you do so for 45 days, in that time you need to be sure that you do not break NC and reach out to your ex at all for at least 45 days. Check out this article to help you along the way – https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/the-6-things-that-are-keeping-you-from-being-ungettable/
Jeniffer
December 9, 2020 at 2:27 pm
Hey
my bf and I broke up almost 3 weeks ago…after one year of dating. we barely spoke since then . He said that breaking up is the right decision even tho he still has feelings for me. He said we were arguing too much. But I feel like that s not the real reason. I mean that problem could have been fixed.
I want him to text me but I don t think he will do that
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
December 28, 2020 at 8:06 pm
Hi Jeniffer, I understand that is how you feel. However constant arguing with someone can take its toll on someone. Their feelings for you will change, their attraction towards you can change. It all affects people, even if you think that it is something small to him it could have a larger mental impact.
Sarah
November 3, 2020 at 1:26 am
Hi I’m a lesbian and my girlfriend broke up with me 3 days ago. We’ve really been at it for a few weeks, arguing and disagreeing for senseless reasons. She got tired and decided that she’d want to leave but expressed how much she loves me and would want to work but right now she can’t. I’m honestly ain’t ready to let her go, what can I possibly do at this point?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
November 3, 2020 at 7:30 pm
Hi Sarah, you need to allow her some time to get away from the arguing and fall out. Read and follow the advice of No Contact for 30 days and then start reaching out
Zara
November 1, 2020 at 6:19 pm
My bf’s ex wife left the country taking his kids with her. He was in absolute pieces and a few weeks later he broke up with me and immediately moved on to another woman. He kept saying he needed a break and has no idea what he’s doing but recently they took a holiday today too. He’s met her family and children. Obviously I’m crushed. We were together for 4 years. While he was with her, he slept with me once and a few times sent me naughty messages. But then said it was a bad idea and has now blocked me. I started no contact and am struggling with it. It’s been a week and I’m still vomiting and having panic attacks. Exercise helps but right after I do it I start missing him so badly. I can’t focus on anything. Please give me some advice.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
November 1, 2020 at 7:12 pm
Hi Zara, I’m sorry you are going through this. You need to try and force yourself to take better care of your mental health right now, try not to focus on him and what he is doing more about what is going to help you be stronger and happy again.
Anna
October 29, 2020 at 7:55 pm
I was with my guy for almost 2 years. Then cut it off out of nowhere to focus on himself. I’ve never made him have to go out of his way to do anything for me I’ve been (to my knowledge) very easy to work with. He’s not doing anything with anyone else, I’m still very good friends with everyone around him and they all seem very clueless to what’s going on in our personal life as they communicate with me no differently. He will text me once every so often just to check in then I’m ghosted again, what gives? I can’t do any of these things if he doesn’t talk to me and I feel weird attempting not contact when I don’t feel like I’ve had complete closure to call it a “break up” either?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
October 29, 2020 at 9:32 pm
Hi Anna, if you are unsure if you are together or not you need to have that conversation with him first, and then go from there. If you are together then you know he is just going through a strange phase, if you are broken up then you need to go into a no contact, and just spend time with your friends when he is not around, or limited no contact if he is.
Anne
September 13, 2020 at 12:55 am
Thank you so much for your post and answering questions! It’s been 17 days of no contact for me. We lived together for over a year and he broke up with me at the beginning of August saying he wasn’t in love with me anymore. We lived together for three weeks after and it was horrible due to high emotions. But finally we moved out and I haven’t heard anything from him. A couple of days ago he blocked me on social media randomly and it really hurt. I still love him and I miss him a lot. He told me there was no one else involved upon breakup and that he his feelings had just changed…at the beginning of the relationship he used to tell me he didn’t deserve me and how lucky it was. Even when breaking up he said I was a great person and would find someone to love me twice as much as he ever could. It’s just hard thinking back and wondering what happened and i just worry that I will never hear from him again…I’m struggling to move on And I want to reach out but not sure if I should?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
September 28, 2020 at 5:46 pm
Hi Anne, if you have gone a solid 45 days since being blocked before reaching out to your ex for the first time.
Annie
September 1, 2020 at 1:56 am
Hi, I was getting to know a guy who lives overseas. We first ‘met’ via Twitter then we sent each other personal messages, exchange numbers, texts, phone calls. It was only for 2 weeks but it was quite intense in both quantity and quality. We really enjoyed each other’s company. One day we talked on the phone for over 2hrs. Next day he texted me saying that he concerns that I only broke up with my ex (whom I was with for years) a lil bit over 1 year now. For him it’s not long enough to know if he’s a rebound or not. He said if I live close to him, it would be easier for him to see but because we live so far away, he said as much as he really enjoyed the last 2 weeks, he’s not interested in pursuing anything. I was at work at that time and to say that I was shocked is an understatement. I rang him, trying to figure out the how, why, etc. I even ‘begged’ him to stay at least another week or two and he could ask me any questions. He asked me to believe him that if he has to go with his mere emotion, he won’t say no. But he was determined that it’s best to not prolong, otherwise our feelings would grow stronger and harder to separate if we must. I was devastated. Mostly the shock and the reasoning behind it. It just not good enough (for me). Days later I texted him asking for his email address, he replied maybe 4 days later. I sent the email, he replied a week after. I stopped initiating contact. Email was a closure for me. We used to like each other’s posts, but he has pretty much doing that altogether now, maybe one or twice. I think 2 weeks after my email, I received a text from him saying that he wanted to check how I’m doing and other trivial question. I replied within a day, he replied within an hour, I replied again but it’s a close ended one. So that’s that. 2 days later I accidentally sent him a text meant for my friend. I saw that he read it. I didn’t think much of it. 4 or 5 days later he sent me another text saying,”wrong person?” I never replied to that text. A week later he sent me another text saying,”hey, doing alright?” and with another trivial question. This time I took my time. 2 days with no reply from me, he liked one of my posts on Twitter. I think he’s trying to get my attention. But still I replied 4 days since the text (2 days after he liked my post) and now has been 3 days I haven’t received a reply from him. I seriously don’t understand this behaviour. Mind you, he’s been adding new female users on Twitter too. I do care about him a lot and I miss him a lot, but his way of treating me (remember, I didn’t do anything it was all his decision to end things) is unacceptable. I know he has time to reply to texts, but keep making me wait for days on purpose?? What is he doing? And if he doesn’t care anymore, why keep texting once a week and why liked my post to catch my attention? Pretty immature. If he’s not interested, why bother me. I just wanna move forward because everytime he sends me text, it takes me back to square one and I miss him badly again. We are both in our 30’s. And it’s been 1.5 months since he told me he’s no longer interested. I did try no contact, I know it might not been long enough but it’s because we only had a 2 weeks intense long distance relationship. As intense as LDR could be. So I think if I ignore him for a full month, he’ll move on completely.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
September 10, 2020 at 8:41 pm
Hey Annie, it is up to you if you choose to follow this program, so my advice would be to follow a no contact. But again this is your choice
Paige
August 16, 2020 at 3:25 am
My ex broke up with me 18 days ago. I’ve been in no contact for 17 days.
Within two days of the breakup he had removed me/blocked me from all social media.
Yesterday, I accidentally watched his Instagram story for his secondary non-personal Instagram account that he apparently had not yet removed me from. Instagram just plays story after story and I didn’t realize it was there until it was too late and I had watched it.
Within an hour, he had blocked me from that page too.
Does this mean I broke no contact? Do I have to start over?
Also, do I even have a chance at this point if after 17 days he’s still immediately erasing my existence from his life once he realizes I was still connected to him there?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
August 17, 2020 at 11:23 pm
Hi Paige, yes you do as he is taking the time and effort to do this – he is emotional!
Ritz
July 29, 2020 at 8:26 am
Me and my ex has broken up a month ago.it was his decision as we both used to fight alot nd were in on/off relation for 10 months.last time he broke up with me due to misunderstanding which he didnt even try to listen as he didnt trust me.he was equally at fault too but he was too stubborn to look at his own.after breakup he told me he has a gf which is better than me blsh blah.he was trying to make me jealous and also told me not to message him.i didnt nor I gave him any reaction.after that whenever I post my pic on story he will assume that I went on a date with another hit and will start taunting me and lashing out like I am a cheap woman who roam with boys.he tried his best to take out a rxn from me but I ignored and after 21 days of brkup he again lashed out insulting me nd I couldn’t tolerate it nd blocked him from whatsapp and started no contact rule after telling him not to hurt me anymore.now I am in 16 days of no contact but didnt get any message from him..has he moved on ?do I have any chance?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
July 31, 2020 at 12:53 pm
Hi Ritz, I would suggest that you follow a longer period of NC and focus on yourself for some time, but honestly it does not sound as if this would be a good relationship to get back into based on what you have told me above, unless he works on his trust issues he is not going to be able to have a healthy happy relationship with anyone
MG
July 22, 2020 at 6:44 am
I’m feeling pretty down right now and I don’t even knoe if I fit in the situation. I started dating someone that I had already known before. This person became so important to me, we started doing many things together, I used to cook for him, we would watch many movies together, etc. One time when I said I cared, he kind of pulled away, I approached him and tried to fix it telling him that I did not mean to rush anything and that I was only hoping for him to be himself and that’s all.. After that, he started acting so nice, he had more initiative, so supportive, we would enjoy things as usual, but there was something extra I enjoyed a lot. One day, when I said i missed him (we had different plans over the weekend) he replied in a pretty cold way (just said “ok”) and when expressing my feelings about it, he was kinda of rude or defensive. We had a fight over texts, and he stopped replying. It was around 4 months of relationship, not really long but it took him so little to give up on it and me, it took me so little to grow my feelings for him. And he has not approached to me and I feel that, there’s nothing wrong with expressing myself, so I won’t approach to him this time. It’s been over a week and I feel he has no intentions on talking to me. I’m not desperate, but I truly miss him so much.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
July 25, 2020 at 12:23 pm
Hey MG it does sound as if your guy just isnt interested in a serious relationship or does not know how to communicate his feelings. I would follow the program and see how long it takes for him to reach out, but you need to stick to a 30 day No Contact before you speak with him again