So it happens.  You finally do it after you analyzed your decision for days or weeks.

You thought about all the reasons why the relationship wasn’t for the best.

You told your friends that you were thinking of breaking up with him.  That you would be the the one he would do it first, finally pulling the chute on the relationship.

You prepared what you were going to say.

Finally, you did it. You broke it off with your boyfriend and you were not going to look back. You reasoned that he was not the guy for you and you deserved better.

Why Am I So Sad and Feel Terrible After Breaking Up With Him?

But you didn’t count on the flood of feelings you would be having and now you are wondering if you are one of those girls who broke up with their boyfriend but still loves him.  You find yourself wondering if he misses you, because you certainly are missing him.

You may feel like an idiot, not knowing why you aren’t more relieved to be away from your boyfriend.  This is not how you expected to feel.  Inside your are thinking, “I broke up with my ex boyfriend and I feel terrible and it hurts not to have him in my life”.

The whole thing is like a blur.  One moment you want to throw him out of your life and the next moment you are besieged with these feelings that you can’t live without him, fussing over how much he is missing you because you sure as heck miss him.

The deed is done and you are not even sure what you should feel much of the time.

Should you feel guilty, or relieved, or sad?  Is it wrong that you still want him after ending it and why do you feel so sad after ditching him?

Does the above sound familiar to you?

So, if YOU broke up with HIM and you now find yourself missing him and wanting him back, this article is going to be dedicated to you.  We are going to talk about 5 main things that you need to know to understand your plight and progress forward.

  • Why Do You Miss Him and Still Love Him After Breaking It Off With Him?
  • How To Know If He Misses You Enough To Come Back To You
  • How To Deal With the Regret of Ending the Relationship Prematurely
  • Why You Broke Up With Him In The First Place
  • What Can You Do To Repair The Damage Done

But if you are really thirsty for an abbreviated answer to why you feel the way you do after dumping your ex boyfriend, then consider this:

Your confusing set of feelings and emotions since your broke up with your ex is influenced not just by your complicated past history with him, but also how the biology of how your mind and body reacts to this event.

But for you to fully understand what is happening to you since you told him it was over, you need to read the rest of this article because we are dealing with the dynamics of relationship science!

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Why Do I Miss Him Because It Felt So Right to Break It Off?

Let’s start off with the obvious one here. What is the whole reason you’ve found yourself here reading this article?

You miss him, right?

You precipitated a breakup but now you realize you still love him, right?

You broke it off with your ex boyfriend and now it hurts badly and you have no clue where to put all this pain.

All this has to mean you were meant for each other, right?

Awwwww.

But You Broke Up With Him and your were quite sure it was the right thing to do at the time.

And now you regret it.  So what gives?

Awwww!!

But we’re getting ahead of ourselves.

We’ll talk about the regret later.

For now, we’re going to talk about the missing part, specifically you missing him and why in the heck these feelings you were not anticipating seem to control you like a puppet.

After a breakup, it is only natural for you to miss your ex boyfriend.

Yes, even if you were the one to break up with him.

Let’s talk about the reasons that you may miss him, even after you initiated the split up.

If you’ve seen the show “This Is Us” you know that the kids are nicknamed The Big Three.

How is this relevant?

Well, it’s not really relevant at all, but I am going to give you “The Big Three” when it comes to missing your ex.

I’ve been researching and writing a lot about missing your ex lately and I’ve come to believe that there are three things that can really influence why we feel the way we do after leaving our ex.

The Big Three Influencers are:

  1. The Science of Relationships and Breakups
  2. The Habits and Routines of Your Time With Your Ex Boyfriend
  3. The Addiction That Exist Between You and Your Ex Boyfriend

There is an interesting thing  about the Big Three. They all are intertwined. They all go hand and hand together and affect each other. Like one big happy family, like the gang from “This Is Us.”

Hey, I guess that did have a point after all!

Whenever you think, “Does He Miss Me.  Does He Still Love Me. Why Do I feel so terrible.  Why does it hurt so much”, I want you to think about The Big Three.

In order to do that, you need a brief overview of these influences on our mind and body.

1. The Science of  Relationship Breakups

Science tells us that it takes on average about 66 days to break a habit.

Remember, your addiction to your ex or your relationship routines was initially formed from habits.  You and your ex boyfriend would do certain things together on or around the same time.  These activities would form a sense of structure that would carry you through the day.  There is usually a certain sense of security and constancy associated with having a routine.

Take that away, then suddenly you are not quite sure what to do or feel. It is like something is missing from your life.  And that would be true. Something you use to do or count with your ex, without even thinking about it, is suddenly gone and that can make you feel vulnerable.

It’s not like your ex boyfriend was awful to you in every respect.  There are undoubtedly many things he did for you or said to you or did with you that you appreciated and valued and sometimes you don’t see those things clearly until they are carved out of your life.

Breaking up with him can quickly carve out those things from your life that you you use to routinely enjoy and appreciate.  But often you won’t realize all of this until they are literally absent from your daily routines.

Therefore, it will take you at least 66 days to break habits such as:

  • Thinking about him
  • Wanting to know about him
  • Talking to him and really being heard
  • Enjoying be held and supported by your ex boyfriend
  • Exploring new challenges with him
  • Feeling emotionally and physically secure by being in his presence.

So, this also means that it is perfectly normal for you to miss your ex and for your ex to miss you for at least 66 days.  It could take more time or less time, remember the 66 days is an average based on a study that was performed.  But you get the idea.

Now wait a minute, you just heard me say that he misses you too.
But he probably hasn’t told you that yet or you’ve been dying to know if he does.

One part of your brain is telling you that he certainly couldn’t miss being around you because after all you dumped him.  You are the one that broke it off.  Indeed, you may have unceremoniously ended thing in the worst way possible.  So if these things are true, why would he care a lick about you?

Wouldn’t it be more likely that your ex boyfriend is trying to erase you from his memories and has put your far away from his mind?  Well, some of that could be true too.  But trust me, he will come to miss you as those some emotions that are pulling on your heart will influence him too.

So, let’s talk about why he misses you.

And I promise you, he will miss you.

2. Your Habits and Routines are Stepping Stones for Relationship Addiction

Habits are formed by repeating the same activity over and over again.  And if you and your boyfriend were together for a good amount of time then you both will have spent some quality time doing things that get embedded in your mind.  Some of these activities may be very memorable and by sharing them together, you are in a way wedded and connected by the experience.

So not only are we talking about stuff you and your ex boyfriend use to do a lot, but we are also talking about the magnitude of the experience these thing had in your lives.  Some habits are more impactful than others and leaves a mark.

Addictions are formed from habits. Basically, that is when you do something so much that you find it very difficult to stop.  There can be good and bad addictions.  Right now, we are talking about the good addictions.  Hugging, cuddling, or making love can fire off rewarding chemicals which will make you feel so good, it will cause you form a  habit or routine of repeating that experience.

But your habits with your ex boyfriend were not all about intimacy and sex. There are many things you did together than brought you joy.  Or maybe not even joy, but was done because it needed to be done.  The first time you do these kinds of things, it is just an action but after you do it, again and again, it becomes a habit that you both participated in and a connection or bond forms through these activities.

And once you do it several times repeatedly, it can form into a type of addiction.

So what is the importance of this?

Well, we do not know how habits and addictions are linked, so let’s focus in on the third thing, the science of relationship addiction.

3. A Relationship Addiction You and Your Ex Boyfriend Share

Relationships and love function in a person’s brain like an addiction.

Seriously.

Love, it is literally a drug. Certain hormones and chemicals are released from your brain, influencing your behavior.  When you do these things with your boyfriend that bring you pleasure, you get accustomed to getting getting your relationship fix.

Take your boyfriend out of the picture, suddenly your mind and body rebels. If he is not around, at first you will be relieved because you have been carrying this weight of what to do, but later the deficit of feel good chemicals that are released because your boyfriend is not there to trigger them will catch up with you.  Such is the magnetic draw between men and women.

People who study this have done some pretty cool experiments and have found that feelings of romantic love activate the same “reward system” areas of the brain that are activated when an addict is getting their fix.

Crazy isn’t it!  But it is true and this explains why your mind and body is still wired in all kinds of ways to your ex boyfriend. It’s like you break it off with him because you think it is the best thing for you, but no matter what you do, you can’t seem to get away from him as your body’s chemistry yearns for him and you begin to second guess yourself and wonder if you acted impulsively to end things.

Of course it is even more complicated than that.

He Misses You As Much As You Miss Him Because of the Mirroring Effect

You miss him so much and you can’t help but wonder if he misses you too.

You may be waiting for the words “I Miss You” to pop up on the screen of your phone.  You may find yourself checking your phone repeatedly waiting for this. In fact, you probably do this already waiting for it to happen.

You don’t know where his head’s at in all of this. Is he pissed that you broke up with him? Will he ever forgive you?  Did you make the biggest mistake of your life when you called it quits with him?

These are some terrifying thoughts, I’m sure.

Let me tell you, one thing that is almost certain is that he misses you.

He may not say it, but I’ll assure you he does. He actually probably misses you MORE since you were the dumper and he is the dumpee.

And science tells us after a breakup, the brain goes through a similar reaction as a drug withdrawal. After a breakup, similar to an addict, you are going to miss and crave what you were formerly addicted to. Your love was literally his drug.

Since you are both so connected in ways you cannot even explain, there is usually what is called the “mirroring effect”.

So think of a mirror.  Look into it.  If you see a person who is beside herself with remorse and sadness because her boyfriend is gone from her life, then know that on the other side of the mirror is your boyfriend who is seeing and feeling the same things for himself.

So, believe me when I tell you that your ex will miss you too.

How To Deal With Regret of Ending the Romance With Your Ex

Okay, so if you broke up with your ex and now you are wanting him back, it is safe to say that you regret your decision.

So, let’s talk about it.

You may be thinking that if the breakup was meant to happen, you wouldn’t be missing him as much as you do. As a result, little doubts start creeping into your mind as you question whether you acted wrongly.  As time goes by, these little doubts can grow into big doubts to the point where you convince yourself you screwed up and feel compelled to hastily do something to get him back.

Or, you may be thinking that your life was easier with him than it is without him.  Maybe it was one of those close calls where it seemed like the right thing to do to leave him, but now with him gone and you have had time to settle your emotions, you realize he was more important to you than you realized and that it’s worth trying to work through the problems together.

Whatever your reason is for missing him, if you find yourself regretting your decision of breaking up with your ex, you should ask yourself if you regret breaking up with him just because you miss him OR if the reason you broke up with him is no longer a good enough reason.

Missing someone is not a good enough reason by itself to get back together.

These feelings of feeling empty will fade over time. Remember, those Big Three are currently working against you and making you miss your ex like crazy, right now.

However, once you allow some time for recovery to help break those habits and the addiction, then the science will start to work in your favor again.  The chemicals will normalize.  Those things which your are  missing will be replaced with new pleasurable routines and habits.

Now, if missing your ex boyfriend isn’t a good enough reason to get back together, then let’s talk about the reason you broke up with him and if that is something that you can now work through.

Why You Broke Up With Him In The First Place

Now, we’ve talked about all the feelings that you are going through right now.  I know.  It is no picnic. You did something to end the troubles you were having. For whatever reason, you believed the connection with your boyfriend was no longer a healthy one and you weren’t happy, so you acted to end it.

So trust in that.  Don’t throw that away unless you have some convincing reasons to show you acted out of ignorance or were impulsive.

But let’s say  you are plagued by doubts.  You are uncertain if you broke up with him for the wrong reason. These feelings come after the breakup and they can be bitch to wrestle with.

Before I get into what you should do, let’s rewind to before the breakup.  As I said,  you did break up with him for a reason and it was likely a good reason.

And, since your brain is basically… well… hormone souped up right now, you should know that there are some really good reasons for breaking up with someone.

And, missing him and feeling sad and hurt about the whole thing is not a good enough reason to get back together.

 Common Reasons To Break Up a Relationship

  • Overwhelmed By Disagreements
  • One Major Fight
  • A slow but clear realization you are not compatible in the most important areas
  • You Lost The “Spark”
  • You Thought You’d Find Someone Better
  • He Just Wasn’t Treating You Right
  • You Cheated on Your Ex

The reasons above are some of the most common reasons I see girls give for breaking up with their boyfriend.

If your reasons for ending it with your boyfriend falls into one of the reasons above, then it is likely that you may miss him or feel a little bit of regret over your decision.

You may now be thinking that he was the one for you and you took your love for granted, or you may be realizing that you both contributed to the “spark” being lost, not just him. If you cheated on him, then you may feel really awful about your decision and are left wondering what you can do to get him back.  The tug of guilt can really mess with your mind.

Don’t worry, if you left  him for one of the reasons above, these reasons are SUPER common and the EBR team has your back.

Keep on reading as I’m going to lay out a plan that you can start TODAY in an effort to win your ex back.

But first, I mentioned that there were some reasons that were good reasons to break up with your ex boyfriend and not look back

You Probably Shouldn’t Look Back If Your Ex Boyfriend…

  • He Cheated Frequently
  • He Was or Became Abusive
  • There Have Been Multiple Breakups
  • He Ended Things With You and Did So In a Cruel Way
  • He Ghosted You, Giving You No Explanation Why He Walked Out

If you broke up with your ex boyfriend because he cheated then I want you to really think about getting him back.

You will miss him and may feel sadness about breaking up with him.

This is all VERY normal.

However, if you get him back, you will have to learn to trust him again. And that is a whole other process.

What I am about to ask you will be difficult.

I want you to consider something.

If your ex cheated, ask yourself if it was an isolated incident? Is his behavior out of character. Or, is it something that is likely to be repeated?

If he is a repeat offender, it is more likely that he will cheat again…. and again… and again.

You would be better off finding someone who you can trust not to betray you.

Sorry. I know that’s hard to hear.  The grip an ex boyfriend can have on your heart can be strong.  But remember what I taught you. There are clear cut chemical reasons that can cause you to feel emotionally and physically addicted to someone who is no good for you.

And if you broke up with your ex boyfriend because he was abusive, then breaking up with him was absolutely the right decision. There is no level of abuse that is acceptible in a loving relationship. You don’t do that to the people you care about.

So, even though you are missing him and may regret the decision, in some of these cases you can rest easy in knowing that you made the right decision.

I’m going to say this and I want you to take this seriously.  Sometimes you may choose the wrong boyfriend to be with.  Sometimes it’s time to move forward with your life and leave that mess in the past.

If you feel you could be in such as situation, I want you to focus on becoming the epitome of the Ungettable Girl. You can do this by reading up on what exactly that means in the following articles:

Know that missing him and the regret will go away over time and you aren’t even likely to notice if you are rocking your own life.

What Can You Do To Erase The Damage of the Departure

Okay so you want a plan… right? Let’s talk about what to do if you if you broke up with your boyfriend and now you want him back.

No Contact Is Going To Optimize Your Chances

No Contact is the first step. And when I say the first step I’m not saying that you should put your toe on the step and jump on to the next step. You have to complete the whole step before moving on to the next one.

If you are wondering what it is, it is a period of 21, 30, or 45 days where you are not going to talk to your ex at all.

I know what you are wondering,

“Well, if I broke up with him and now want him back, won’t this push him farther away.”

Simply put, the answer to this is NO, usually not!

Breakups are hard. They are usually harder on the dumpee. So, you need to give your ex some space.  More often what happens is a girl will rush back to her ex boyfriend trying to make right all of the damage from the original act.  She may resort to crying and begging to be forgiven, to give her another chance.

All of this usually just confused and upsets the boyfriend even more and worse you end up losing most of your personal power and leverage.

Your ex is probably going to be very emotional and going to have some bad feelings towards you. I’m sure you can understand this, since you are going through emotional struggles of your own.

This is why it is so important to do a proper No Contact. It will allow both you and your ex to get over any negative emotions and bad feelings that you have so when you do communicate, you have a better chance of keeping the emotions under wraps.

While your No Contact can help with your ex, it is mostly meant to help you with your recovery.

Improvements You Can Make For Yourself

During No Contact, you should be working on self-improving… like big time!

Become the best version of yourself that you possibly can be.

Do all of things that you’ve always wanted to do.

Towards the end of your No Contact I also want you to go back to the list of reasons why you left. Ask yourself again if the breakup was a good idea. Do not be blinded by a bad relationship just because you miss him. Hopefully you have had enough time by that point that you are seeing clearly enough to see past that.

Reach out to Him When It’s The Right Time

Only after you have completed your No Contact period should you even consider reaching out to your ex boyfriend. There are some exceptions to this depending on various circumstances which you can read about more in my ebook, The No Contact Rule Book.

But keep in mind, he may still be angry or hurt that you broke up with him. He may be hurt that you refused to contact him during No Contact.  So think of this as a process and a bit of a balancing act.  You can’t read his mind, so be patient and if you make mistakes, don’t fret over it.

So, you will need to be prepared that he may not be warm and welcoming at first. This is normal.  He may finally get around to asking you why you ignored him for so long. It can all be explained away with one simple statement.

“I needed some time to get focused on what I want out of life.”

Now, be forewarned, you have to actually have something to show for that. I mean you have to have made significant improvements in your life if you want to get him back after all of this.

And then there is the real challenge. You have to be prepared to hold yourself back a little… okay a lot…. a whole lot!

Don’t over-do it. You need to casually get to know each other again. Let him get used to having you around in a non-romantic sort of way.

That means that you have to control yourself.

The Take-Away

Remember that it is perfectly normal for you to miss your ex, even if you did the deed.   And now you know that there are three things that contribute to your missing him following the breakup. These things are known as “The Big Three.”

The Big Three consists of:

  • Addiction
  • Habits
  • Science

You also know that you can overcome those things. And once you overcome one these influences on your mind and heart and body, know that you will be in a better place to make decisions about what you really want.

There is one thing that I know. You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t want to get your ex back.

There are very valid reasons for feeling that way following a breakup. So figure out if your reasons for dumping your ex were legitimate and go from there.

If your ex boyfriend was a serial cheater or was abusive, then you should put your efforts into bettering yourself and moving on.

If you want him back for the right reasons, then have a plan.

Start off the process of getting him back by completing a successful No Contact. That’s the first hurdle. Do that and the rest will fall into place.

Once you have successfully completed No Contact and made those self-improvements, make sure you even want to get your ex back after re-evaluating your original reasons for breaking up with him. Then reach out to him and initiate a conversation. Keep in mind his fellings and don’t move to fast or be too pushy.

So, now that you know it all and you have access to plenty of other articles to reference, I want to give you access to one more thing… OUR TEAM.

I want you to tell me ALL about your breakup in the comments below. I want to know why you broke up in the first place, how long you were together, and what you have done so far.

Once you do that, our experts will tell you what your next best action is.

(Note:  This post was completely re-written by the website owner and Relationship Coach expert, Chris Seiter on June 17, 2018.  Sarah Drees contributed some of the original content.)

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129 thoughts on “I Broke It Off With Him Now I Miss Him”

  1. Avatar

    Helen

    May 20, 2020 at 10:33 am

    Hi,

    I broke up with my boyfriend June 20th 2020. We previously broke up in February 2017 but reconciled in July on that year.In total we dated for 5 years. We started dating when I was 18 and he was 19. We both bonded on our childhood trauma but that was one of our biggest issues as it was clear we were both still battling our past. We were also in a long distance relationship and could only see each other once a year. That was extremely difficult to deal with. We argued a lot and often didn’t have boundaries (in the sense we said really hurtful things to each other). When I broke up with him, I didn’t feel sad or I didn’t regret it. I went on to have an amazing summer and started a new job. However, this year I have started to think about him, increasingly. In the last year, I’ve grown up so much and really worked on bettering myself and cooling down my hot temperament. I miss him so much and I want to have reconnect with him with this new found growth, in order to see if we could work now that I’m healthier mentally. I know this could be dangerous as he may not be in that place yet but I can’t shake the feeling.

  2. Avatar

    Amelia

    May 18, 2020 at 2:26 am

    We broke up, but i was going to Wednesday and he knew I was so he changed how he acted. He acted like he loved me he showed me affection feelings etc. now it’s Sunday and he’s telling me he was faking it. Faking it? Why fake it if you aren’t happy and want to break up anyway. We were miserable. I tried hard. Really hard to be happy with him but he was insensitive and did not show feelings. That led to me being mean when he did not which led to me being the “bitch” i tried to explain that. He always complained we were miserable bc of me but all i asked of him was that he showed he cared and wanted to be with me. He never did it so i was always grouchy. I have the worst separation anxiety, jealousy problem, and nosiness ever. I don’t want to be with him but i do bc of everything i did with him. It was 3/4 years together how can i not. I did everything with him everything i see eat touch smell. Anything reminds me of him. I can’t do this. I text him and he doesn’t answer till like three hours later. He wants me but does not want the bitching. I try and explain. There’s no bitching if he wasn’t insensitive but he won’t change that and i can’t make him change because you can’t change anyone but yourself. I can’t get over him, and I need to.

  3. Avatar

    PEA

    May 15, 2020 at 10:32 am

    This man has been wanting to be in a relationship with me for 2 years. He would follow me around my job. Take breaks when he knew I would be taking a break. Text me compliments or just to check on me. Finally he communicate and said he wanted me to be his girl. We dated for 3 weeks before being romantically involved. After having sex I started feeling different and thinking that he wasn’t being faithful to me because he had this girl at work constantly hanging around him and when he and I would talk this girl would come over to us and interrupt our conversation. So I decided to dump him via text and he didn’t read the text so yesterday at work he was talking to me and asked me what did I need to talk to him about and I said read the text. He read the text that said that I wanted to end the relationship and then he went into explaining himself that he works all the time 7 days a week and all of a sudden that girl came over by us and smiled at me and said hi and I spoke and walk away from them both. He said since day one he is not messing with her. So now I am confused and I want to know if he really cares for me but I know he does because he told me and he shows me.

  4. Avatar

    Raena

    May 14, 2020 at 6:40 am

    I was talking with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years, he convinced me to move in with him and I did. We have been living together for 3 months and I found out he was cheating on me and sending nudes and sexting women beside me. I packed all my stuff and left, but now I don’t know if it was the right thing to do. I messaged him the screenshots of his texts with a fake account my friend made and told him I was gone. He blamed me and said he just got carried away. This is my first boyfriend, I’m 24 but now that I broke up with him and he’s blaming me for not sitting down and talking to him about this, saying I’m the one that threw it all away.

    Do you have any advice for me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 20, 2020 at 9:12 pm

      Hi Raena, 100% no you did not do the wrong thing!! He did wrong he was cheating and then he had the cheek to blame you. He needs to feel the loss of you so be sure to stick to a 45 day No Contact where you focus on yourself and get over the hurt. Know his actions are all about him and his own issues. There is no way anyone should accept this behaviour and him blaming you is his trying to play the victim for his own wrong doing. Stick with a No Contact and watch how he changes over a few weeks.

  5. Avatar

    Britt

    May 9, 2020 at 5:06 am

    I was with my boyfriend 5 years. We had some very fun times. After about 3 years, I wanted to get engaged or make some sort of commitment. We ended up buying a ring together. And we planned a wedding. We even set the date and sent out save the date cards. One night, he had a fit and told me he wasn’t ready to get married at all. So we canceled the wedding. I asked him a few weeks later if he still wanted to be together and he said yes. I decided to move in with him and give it a shot. We did not do well living together. I like to paint and be creative. He is very cleanly and hated my creativity. We argued a lot. He thought I was messy and he didn’t like my dog. One night, I stormed out. We didn’t talk for a month. I missed him and he missed me so I moved back in. Things still didn’t improve. We had a huge fight and I moved out for good. It’s been 5 months. I am missing him like crazy. Should I just have listened to his rules because it was his house? Did I make a huge mistake? I’m 32 now. No kids. No husband. I feel so alone. I’m back living with my mom. I heard he is dating someone new. I don’t know how to move on.

  6. Avatar

    Jake

    May 5, 2020 at 10:44 pm

    My ex is off social media… why is this happening?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 6, 2020 at 7:49 am

      Hi Jake, at times people take a break from social media if they need the mental head space. If they used social media before it is likely they will come back when they are ready

  7. Avatar

    Malath

    April 30, 2020 at 7:31 am

    Hey , we were in a relationship for one year and half , it was a long distance relationship but then he came back but then he was not asking me to hang out , he was not making me a priority.. he was always with his friends .. he was asking “how are you” everyday but that’s it .. we broke up two times but they were short and he came back regretting his behavior but since that time he didn’t change and when i talked to him he said he needs time but I couldn’t wait because i have had enough so i dumped him and now i miss him

  8. Avatar

    Tonya

    April 27, 2020 at 12:29 am

    I walked away from this 4.5 months relationship just two days ago. I love and miss him so much but I think I did the right thing. He was always texting and flirting with his exes during these months. We argued and fought about it many times. He promised not to do it again. His reason was he wasn’t happy or feel excited with me so he was trying to find his happiness through flirting with others. I exploded recently when I found out through texts that he went to a family gathering without me and claiming he was working that day. He did that so he shows up as a single guy and flirt with possible girls at the party. By the way i have met his family and attended family birthday parties before. He wants to keep me in his life because he sees me as a very good and qualified person (wife type pf person) but im not enough for him to be loyal to me. All he says he likes me and he used to me. I hope to hear anyone’s advice if i did the right thing by walking away or should I give him another chance after I lost trust. Thanks

  9. Avatar

    Runi

    April 26, 2020 at 11:48 pm

    Hi. I broke up with my bf 4 days ago. Reason being, he kept saying he doesn’t love me the way i do. He kept saying i shudnt waste my time over him and move on if i find someone better. And these lines hurt me feelings n self respect. So i broke up. But i do miss him. I m practicing no contact. Wud u suggest, will he come bak? If he does how shud i handle, to get him bak.
    Also, we dated for around 2 months only ,in those months too ,we cudnt meet much (only5 times)because of current lockdown situation. But we stayed connected always..he shared lil to imp stuffs with me. He cared about me too. It was just he wud say i love him too much and he feels guilty. And that hurts. What shud i do.
    Thanks in advance. Chris , i m a fan ❤

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 2, 2020 at 1:46 pm

      Hi Runi, so I would suggest that you take some time in No Contact to basically reset the process if you want ot get him back and start following the program stage by stage using the advice given to become the best version of yourself and start re attracting your ex

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    Sabrina Machado

    April 23, 2020 at 8:52 pm

    We were together for 8 months, we lived together for 4 months and half. I seen messages on his phone with couple girls. He didnt want to spend too much time with me. He said i wasnt going to control him.

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    J

    April 17, 2020 at 8:05 am

    Alright so I definitely miss the dude, like so much. I definitely realize all the amazing things he did for me that I took for granted. I don’t think I want to date him again though just because of trust issues we had I can’t put myself through that again. But i miss spending time with him, laughing with him, and just him as a person being in my presence. (oh and the sex ofcourse). anyways, we dated for about 10 months, broke up around may last year, and just hooked up for the first time since. we had a great time and even cuddled after and looked at stars together. it felt like old times and i know we both enjoyed it but i think i broke his heart so bad he’ll never tell me if he misses me or wants me back. also, i know we should not get back together since he’s going to college in a whole other state

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    Karen

    March 24, 2020 at 9:34 am

    I do apologise but this is going to be a long one…
    We met in June 19, briefly, whilst he had a gf. We met a gee times, talked a lot, and one day he disappeared. I thought ‘Fine, whatever’ and got on with my life.
    Fast forward to February 2020, and he messages, ‘I’m so sorry, I hate what I did, I never should have done it, I chose you, but my gf announced she was pregnant’.
    Judging aside, he said they broke up about 2 weeks after we started to talk again. We saw each other once or twice a week told yesterday, phone calls, silly fb videos, etc.
    He still lives with his ex. His daughter has arrived. And despite him saying all the right things we’re still sneaking around because he doesnt want his ex to find out yet.
    I basically send him a very long message yesterday saying I cant do this anymore. It’s not fair and it’s not what I want. I want more or nothing at all, so let’s just end it here.
    He is kind, and polite, and understanding, and extremely apologetic again.
    I cry a lot, but know I have done the right thing.
    Today I wake up and I miss him terribly. I just want to message him and tell him. I cant stop crying. I dont think I was this upset when my ex of 5 years left. And somehow, this guy who I hardly know has gotten so under my skin I feel like i cant function. Likening this feeling to a drug is not wrong.
    I hope things will be different in the future when he sorts himself out, and maybe our paths will cross again. But right now, it hurts soo much

  13. Avatar

    Kiki

    March 24, 2020 at 4:10 am

    Thank you for this article, it provided me so much comfort and clarity.

    It’s nearing 24 hours since I broke up with my boyfriend. I thought I had thought rationally about my decision to end the relationship – I took my time to write all my feelings down and went through point by point of all the reasons of why we weren’t making each other happy. I then slept on it and found that I still felt the same in the morning.

    In a nutshell, I felt like for the last two months of the relationship I was never a priority. He spent every free moment with his friends where they would drink and smoke to excess. Earlier on in the relationship, he represented himself as someone who did not have these habits. In fact, he has little semblance to the person I first started dating. In the beginning he was attentive, warm and always keen to hang out. He explained that the drinking and smoking only resumed recently because it’s a bonding experience with the friends he has reconnected with. He assured me many times that this behaviour is temporary and things would go back to normal. But it did not, every weekend it was the same story.

    I began feeling like his f-buddy because he would only ever want to hang out at night, sleep with me and then leave the next day to hang out with his friends again. He would even see his friends before meeting me and show up late smelling of smoke. I just felt disrespected and ultimately like I couldn’t trust him. He made so many promises, but I quickly realised they were just words.

    I’ve tried to read over the manifesto I sent him to comfort and reassure myself that it was the right decision but all I can think of are the positive attributes he had – he was very caring, he was proud that I was his girlfriend and wanted me to meet his family. He was always patient, never angry and was never proud to apologise. I wander if I acted too rashly and was not patient enough to see whether he would follow through on his promises. Before I sent him my long rant, he was prepared to do things to improve the relationship but I feared it was just empty words. Constantly thinking about whether I made the right decision or not is driving me mad as I’m just thinking around in circles. I suppose it doesn’t help that I’m self quarantining with minimal work to do because of COVID-19. I wish someone would tell me if I was too harsh or if I’ve made a mistake.

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    WendyOm

    March 24, 2020 at 1:06 am

    I broke up with my boyfriend because I found out he lied to me. We had the perfect relationship. Great sex, loved each other so much, loved everything about each other. We were both head over heals in love. One night he said he was going to bed early. I got a gut feeling, drove by his house and his car was gone. I called him, took him 5 or 6 times to answer. He said he was helping his sister with her sick kids. I kept telling him to tell me the truth and to stop lying to me. He finally said he was at his friend Amy’s house. She was upset and needed someone to talk to. I have known about Amy and he tells me she has a lot of problems and feels like he’s her only friend. I told him it’s over. I called him the next day to get the whole truth. He said he’s been going to her house every once in awhile for a while. He says they are plutonic friends. I asked if they had sex and he swears they did not. I asked if they have ever had sex and he said yes over 10 years ago. I asked if he is attracted to her and he said no. They just hang out and drink and smoke and talk. That’s it. So basically he’s been telling me for months that he’s going to bed and goes over to her house about once a month.
    We were madly in love and had the perfect relationship. I just know what he did was wrong. Especially lying to me like that. I’m heartbroken. I don’t want to date anybody else. We were so perfect together. It’s going to be hard to move on. I miss him so much!

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    Kelley

    March 21, 2020 at 6:01 pm

    I was with my ex for roughly 2 years. We broke up twice during that time. I did it both times. For half of it or we were long distance, causing me to have lots of doubts about our compatibility. He is a lot more introverted & not as open with his emotions. It was workable in person, but only having phone calls made it feel like I was missing a deep connection that he couldn’t give me at a distance. He loved me more than anything, wanted to marry me, but also said things like “You’re the best part about my life” & I realized from things he said that I had a lot more confidence & self assurance in who I was as a person than he did by far. I felt extremely torn. Here I had this guy who would move the world for me, & I kept going back & forth in my mind about whether or not I wanted to take that next step (him moving to be with me). When I ended it for good, he was crushed. Just knowing how he is, I knew he’d isolate himself from me immediately after. We broke up 7 months ago & there has not been a single call, text, or email since. Completely silent. I haven’t reached out because I don’t want to hurt him more. But lately, he’s all I can think about. I’m dreaming about him, thinking about what a life would be like with him, & just generally feeling like I let a guy go that loved me more than anyone ever has. The issue was that he didn’t love himself as much. I was it for him. & I felt that was dangerous & a lot of pressure. His emotional maturity was far below where I was at & it scared me. I have spent a lot of time alone in my 20’s, & he’s always been in a long relationship. It became hard to see it as a good idea when I could tell he was just not sure of himself as a person, but I don’t think he even realized that he needed to get to know himself more so he could be more independent. I can’t be the sole reason for someone’s happiness, & it really scared me. I’m very lonely lately so I know that’s contributing, but I don’t know what to do with these feelings anymore. He still lives 19 hours away from me. I initially just want him to be happy on his own. But now I’m not & I am having a hard time coping.

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    Hannah

    March 20, 2020 at 6:43 pm

    There are now two weeks since I left him, We dated for 6 months.
    I left him because of the following;
    -Different religions, he wants me to join him
    -He is my OB and my neighbour which I have never liked.
    I deleted his numbers, unfriended him on facebook and ignoring other social media connections I have with him.
    Am missing him now and I dont want him back.
    Am confused

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 20, 2020 at 8:26 pm

      Hi Hannah, so not wanting to be with someone any more but missing them is actually really common. You spent your time with this person for some time so you need to remember that you are getting used to not having them in your life. This will pass with time, but as you are set on not wanting him back just stick with your NC and do not reach out to him.

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    Ileana

    March 15, 2020 at 9:07 pm

    I broke up with my boyfriend a week ago. We were together for 2 months. We were friends for a year before we got together. I found out that he smoked weed (he started when we lost contact for 2 months). I do not like weed at all. So I told him this and he told me that I don’t have to worry because he won’t do it around me. I thought that was enough but I was worried that he was going to get hurt or arrested (since it’s illegal). We talked about this and we never yelled nor got mad at each other. I asked him how often does he smoke it and he told me twice a week, to me it was worse than I thought. I tried to understand what it was he liked about it so much but he couldn’t explain it to me. I wasn’t upset just hurt because I knew what was coming. I told him that I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone who smokes and he listened. I told him that I’m sorry because I didn’t want it to be this way. I told him that I wasn’t going to force him to do something he doesn’t want to. He respected my decision but I didn’t want to break up with him because I thought he was going to tell me that he would lessen his use of smoking weed and eventually quit. I thought he was the one. My friends and family told me that I did the right thing but I don’t feel like I did. I want him back in my life. I miss him so much. I keep thinking about all the great times I’ve had with him when we were friends and when we were dating. I don’t know what to do. He never abused me nor cheated nor lied. We hadn’t fought about anything. He treated me perfectly and he understood me in ways that my friends and family couldn’t. He was very gentle with me since I had an awful past and he understood. He never rushed me into anything I wasn’t ready for. I feel like I made a huge mistake. I haven’t contacted him nor has he contacted me. What should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 27, 2020 at 8:07 am

      Hi Ileana, so the stance on drug use. That is each to their own. I am with you and see it as something that is a deal breaker in a relationship. So do not go back on your morals as this is not going to make you happy. He could choose to stop but clearly isn’t gong to do or he would have said so. Missing someone who you have had a friendship with and a short relationship with is totally normal but you will fee better as time passes.

  18. Avatar

    Vicky

    March 15, 2020 at 7:55 pm

    I broke up with my ex-boyfriend a week ago. We were together for 2 months. We were friends for a year before we got together. I found out that he smoked weed and I do not like weed at all. So I told him this and he told me that I didn’t have to worry because he wasn’t going to do it around me. I thought that was enough but I kept worrying that he was going to harm himself or get arrested (since it’s illegal). We never fought about it, he would listen to me and we didn’t yell at each other. I decided to ask him how much did he smoke and he smoked twice a week. This is when i decided to break it off because it was a lot more than I thought. I told him that I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone who smokes weed and be worrying if he is going to be alright all the time. I told him that I wasn’t going to force him to do something he doesn’t want to and told him that i’m sorry that it had to be this way. He completely respected my decision but I wanted him to tell me that he would lessen the use to eventually quit. I didn’t want to break up with him but I had to because my friends and family were saying that it was the right thing to do. However, it doesn’t feel like the right thing and I miss him so much. I still would want him in my life even as a friend. I haven’t contacted him nor has he contacted me. I don’t know if I made the right choice. He never abused me or cheated on me. He treated me perfectly and understood me in ways that not even my friends nor family do. What should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 23, 2020 at 11:57 pm

      Hi Vicky, as he knows how you feel about the smoking weed and he has promised to lessen this to eventually quit. I suggest that you do not get back into a relationship with him UNTIL he has quit. As he is going to continue on the path of “smoking less” as he will have had you back by then. Stick to your boundaries

  19. Avatar

    Amélie

    March 11, 2020 at 4:34 pm

    I broke up with my boyfriend coming up on 2 weeks now. We were together for 8 years. He is actually a very good guy. He’s charming, attractive, kind, he never cheated. The problem is, is that he has a gambling addiction. I was never a priority in our relationship. I spent most nights alone and I had to pay for pretty much anthything we wanted to do. I never felt like I had a partner I our relationship. There were other issues as well but I also wonder if someone out there will be better for me in the long run. My Ex promises he will stop playing poker but I don’t necessarily believe he can. 8 years is such a long time to be with someone then call it quits. I feel as though he is my best friend. Unfortunately I felt like a best friend in the relationship and not a girlfriend. I’m stuck now with wondering if I made a mistake. Should I give him more time to change or should I move on. I gave him 8 years to help me provide a future for us. It’s hard for me to think of putting more time into the relationship even though at times I felt as though he was perfect for me despite his flaws.

  20. Avatar

    Onyx

    March 8, 2020 at 6:45 am

    I broke it up because I was angry with him, because he lied …three weeks in a row he ignored my calls on particular days because he was out and didn’t want me to know where he was, I am certain he wasn’t with another woman or even friends, but the fact that he ignored my calls, and then on the last time he did it, he then used an excuse that before even telling me what it was I knew what the excuse would be, and told him what his excuse is going to be …

    He said let me explain… and I said: yes I know …you left your phone at work … and he replied yes ..trying to give me the full story … and I told him: even if you did leave your phone behind you know where I live and you know I have a door … especially when you knew I was waiting for you….

    So, for the above reason, and also that I had few other Issues …I decided to break it up .. I thought maybe this time he will learn not to lie and we could talk about how to improve our relationship ..if the relationship was real and genuine.

    But he never came back ….

    I am certain though some of his friends have put certain input in that … since his friend’s wife from the beginning gave me the impression that she somehow didn’t want us to be together … not that she is interested in him … just something else … what exactly I am not too sure ..she just was there when the relationship was down advising me not to be with him ..or suggesting for me to be with certain other guys …

    Now I miss him … I feel he didn’t love me truly, otherwise he would have returned, especially when he knows I broke it up with him because he lied …

    I am also so confused ..feeling what if others telling him to stay away and wait for me to return ..but I would never go back because then it would defeat the purpose….

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