By Chris Seiter

Updated on May 13th, 2019

Okay, I’m gonna say something first that is going to be a little controversial. There are plenty of ways to temporarily catch a guys attention. Think like those commercials that had Jessica Simpson rolling all over the hood of a muscle car wearing next to nothing, covered in suds and eating a Burger King Burger. It caught everyone’s attention. But the next week we had all moved on to something else.

If you want to get a guy’s attention and have the opportunity to keep that attention, you have to put some actual thought into it instead of just throwing on a red dress and not having a follow through plan to keep his attention after that.

If you watch the Bachelor at all (yes I’m going there), this is what separates the girls that go home immediately and the one’s that make it all the way through to the end.

There are SEVEN ways we are going to cover that will allow you to catch a guy’s attention and hold it.

First, let’s just go over the different tactics. Now, don’t be overwhelmed if they aren’t easy to follow just from this list. I’m going to go into them in detail and line you up for success. I just want you to have an idea of what’s coming.


They are as follows:

  1. Pattern-Interrupt
  2. Optimize Social Media
  3. Manipulate the Hero Complex
  4. The Zeigernik Effect
  5. Manage Your Availability
  6. Use Your Sex Appeal
  7. Feed His Animal Instincts

Are you up for it? Let’s dive right in!

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Pattern Interrupt

A Pattern Interrupt is anything that catches his attention enough to make him stop what he’s doing.

If you want to see me stand in front of a camera and explain the concept of Pattern Interrupt watch this quick vid, otherwise, keep reading.

For example, if you were going to use a text to interrupt whatever part of his routine he’s in the middle of, you wouldn’t sent him a simple,


You’d be more inclined to catch his attention with something along the lines of,

“You won’t believe what I just saw!”

The trick here is the follow through. You have to be able to carry through on the excitement.

I mean, you aren’t just going to tell him you saw his car parked at the grocery store. That’s anticlimactic and kind of stalkery.

Instead, something you know he won’t be able to resist, like a celebrity-sighting. Just as long as it’s one he’ll actually be excited about.

Other routes you could go are:

“OMG, guess what I just did!”


“You will never believe what just happened to me!”

The goal is simply to peak his interest enough for him to stop and pay attention.

Easy-peasy, right?

Alright, next!

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Optimize Your Social Media

This one we are going to break down into steps, because it’s easy to make it way more complicated than it is.

Step 1: Define Your Values

Okay, before you go making dramatic posts showing skin and partying with everyone under the sun, you need to decide who you are. Sit seems like a deep diving psychological adventure, but you can keep it as simple as you want.

It doesn’t take a lot of soul searching to do this you just have to ask yourself some questions.

Is being perceived as a good person important to you? You might want to avoid cussing or limit what you let your friends tag you in.

Do you want to identify as a health-minded person? Maybe sharing fun recipes and workouts is for you. You just don’t want to be one of those annoying people that post constantly though. Don’t worry, we’ll talk about over-posting in a second.

How do you want to represent yourself?

What areas do you excel at that you want to play up?

Do you have a tendency to post negative stuff when you are emotionally challenged? Maybe you want to make yourself put those posts into a mandatory holding and editing them into something positive before posting them. We’ll cover that in a second too.

For those of you with a good imagination, there is a way to go about this that makes it pretty easy to make decisions about what values and characteristics you want to focus on.

Imagine something with me. You just got a new job. You are now in charge of running the social media for a new boss. Think Miranda Priestly from “The Devil Wears Prada” and you’re Emily. Your boss is someone you’ve always looked up to and you look forward to one day being her.

The most important thing is to not misrepresent her or her business.

Plot twist, she’s not actually Miranda Priestly. This boss… she’s the future you, and Optimal You, if you will.

Have you ever heard this saying?

“The best way to predict your future is to create it.” – Abraham Lincoln

Well, I’ll give you something to live by when it comes to social media posting. Work for yourself!

Okay, so if you are working for this Optimal You, what is her mission statement? Businesses have Mission Statements to keep their company and employees focused on delivering the right message to the public without misrepresenting the company, right? Some even create a set of rules for their employees to follow when representing the company.

So, as you continue optimizing your social media, you are going to create either a set of rules for yourself, or a statement that represents this Optimal You. Everything you post from now on has to adhere to these rules.

Step 2: Update Your Platforms

  • Delete old accounts. Anything that someone can Google you and find should embody the values you defined in step 1.
  • Delete old pictures that don’t reflect the values that you decided on. You can save photos without having them out there for everyone to see.
  • Remove questionable posts from the past that isn’t value oriented.
  • Join social media groups that match your values and focus. Groups can offer new challenges to become better at whatever your focus is. They can push you by holding you accountable and giving you the opportunity to collaborate with and counsel other like-minded people. It can even help you discover some really cool opportunities to live up to your potential. The key here is to join and PARTICIPATE. If you you don’t participate, then joining is pointless.
  • Resolve to be consistent, but don’t over-post. The idea is to get your guy engaged in your life. If you update your accounts and then don’t remain active, he won’t have a reason to pay attention to it at all. Social media can be a great tool, but it can also be your downfall. The trick here is finding a happy medium. Stick to posting only 3 or 4 times a week. Note that I said a WEEK!! not 3 or 4 times a day. Add this to your list of rules. This solves another problem most people run into. Constant reposting. Well, if you have a limited number of times you can post a week, you’ll start to consider how important it is for you to share that meme that junks up everyone else’s news feed and makes people not pay attention your posts. You’ll create a sense of importance to your posts, because of the scarcity and the fact that you pay attention to what you post.A lot of you will be tempted to “fake it till you make it” and just try to be who you think the guy wants you to be. But if that person doesn’t align with your authentic self, who you actually are and want to be, then it won’t stay consistent over time. That’s why step 1 is so important. You have to be true to yourself.

Step 3: Cultivate a Tone of Voice

“It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.”

  • Avoid Negativity. This is what I was talking about before. if you have a tendency to make posts when you are emotionally charged, then it’s important to set the post aside for a bit and come back to it when you are feeling more level-headed and review it. Having a weekly post limit will help with this too. You won’t want to waste your post on something that doesn’t represent that Optimal You that you are working for. Instead, if when you review it you decide it’s still worth posting, find a way to rephrase it in a way that is more positive.For example, instead of “Slept through my alarm…again. Eff my life!,” you could say, “Wonderful morning to sleep in and snuggle!”Let’s be honest here, life is not always great. But you can choose what you post and how you post it. Just keep things positive and remember to ask yourself, “Would the Boss Lady approve?”
  • Set Yourself Apart with the Way that you Speak. Take a few characters you are sure to recognize.Currently, we are seeing a lot of Cardi B in the news and almost everywhere she’s seen she ends up having to explain her way of speaking. I mean, she basically has her own language. Okurrrrrt?! Now, I’m not suggesting you start making yourself out to be obnoxious, but don’t hide your individuality either.Another notable voice is Sean Connery. He has an unforgettable slow, deep draw and an adorable accent that happens to turn words like “snacks” into “schnacks.” Some people might thing they need to cut out their affinity for slang or the fact that they say y’all a lot to seem more sophisticated or business-like.And then of course we have Meryl Streep, who has this whole tone of voice things down pat. I mean she not only speak slowly, which conveys confidence, she also speaks softly forcing people to listen to what she has to say. Hold onto the things that make you unique.
  • As American author Maya Angelou once said, “People don’t always remember what you say or even what you do, but they always remember how you made them feel.”If you consistently post things that make people feel bad or feel sorry for you then, they will avoid looking at your pages. But, if you make them feel good about themselves, or excited to see your next adventure, then you will cultivate a return visitor.
  • It’s okay to be a little colorful, just make sure that you are representing the “boss,” your Optimal Self. A little color spawns conversation and can serve as a pattern interrupt if done correctly, and by correctly I mean sparingly.
  • An easy way to make sure that what you are posting has an accurate tone of voice, read it out loud. If it sounds unnatural, then rewrite it in your voice. Using a natural language inspires a sense of trust and intimacy with the people reading it. If you don’t, you risk alienating yourself.

Tap Into His Hero Complex

How to Recognize A Hero Complex

Almost all men have a Hero Complex, the desire to save the day and get the credit. Not all men are driven by this desire though.

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So, how do you know if this tactic will even work?

Well, there are two ways to tell if your guy is driven by the desire to be your hero.

  1. He paints himself as the hero of every story he tells, because he wants you and probably everyone else to see him as the hero.
  2. He asks about your past relationships and goes out of his way to provide evidence that he is nothing like those guys, or any other guy for that matter.

These two things are surefire signs that he is trying to line himself up as a hero in someone’s eyes, but if he is going out of his way to make sure you see him that way then you can use this knowledge to your advantage.

How to Trigger His Hero Complex

  1. Ask for help with… literally anything. have him fix a faucet. Let him teach you how to drive a stick shift. Let him explain how something works. Ask for his advice on something.
  2. Don’t help him with anything unless he literally asks for your help. As you may well know, most men fight to hold on to their masculinity at any cost. for example, if you mention that his clothes always tend to be wrinkled and he doesn’t specifically ask you to do anything about it, he shouldn’t come home to all of his shirts and pants nicely pressed and folded. Let him be who he is and only help when he asks.
  3. Make him earn your respect. Guys like a challenge. You don’t want to hand all of your attention to him on a platter.
  4. This is not a millennial award ceremony. He doesn’t get an award for just showing up. He won’t say it but he wants to prove himself. You don’t have to work at winning him over. Let him actually win your attention and even your heart.
  5. Thank him when he does something for you, even the little things. Making him feel appreciated will ensure that he continues to do things that you’ll be appreciative for.

The Zeigernik Effect

According to my Google research, you are more likely to read an article that implies that you will get the guy “fast” as opposed an article that implies you’ll have to work hard and be patient.

Hey, I get it.

We want what we want and we want it as quickly as possible.

That’s human nature. the fact that we’ve made almost everything instantaneous (fast food, texting, the internet, weight loss pills) has only made us expect everything even faster.

So, I won’t hold that against you.

Another part of human nature is that our brains prefer completed tasks.

That leads me to our next topic, the Zeigernik Effect.

What is the Zeigernik Effect

The Zeigarnik Effect basically states that human beings remember interrupted or incomplete tasks better than completed ones.

This concept was discovered by a Lithuanian psychologist names Bluma Zeigernik.

Go figure!

She made the astute observation that interruption has a unique effect on memory processing that suggested that the completion of a task actually made it more likely to be forgotten.

Interesting right?

However, when an action or conversation is interrupted, it is as if your mind creates a bookmark and a reminder that you need to pick up here after the interruption. The “bookmark” tells your mind that this information is slightly more important than the rest of the information, even if it isn’t.

Leveraging Your Limited Availability

Do you jump every time he breathes in your direction?

I mean, do you respond to his texts instantaneously?

Do you immediately accept when he asks you do do something?

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Are you absolutely focused on being someone he would be attracted to above everything else?

Do you blow off making plans with other people because he may, maybe, possibly want to do something?

Stop it!

Stop trying so hard.

Trying that hard tells him and the whole wide world that you are desperate. No one wants to be desperate and no one wants to be with someone who is needy.

Get a grip.

How can you achieve this?

Well, you need to have other people in your life and you need to have other interests.

It’s as simple as that.

Don’t hesitate to say,

“I’m not available Saturday evening, but I could maybe do something next week. Let me check and see when I am.”

It shows you are interested in hanging out but that you aren’t going to rearrange your schedule for him.

Us guys like a challenge. If it’s handed to us on a platter, we don’t appreciate it as much as something we have to work for.

Functional Sex Appeal

Of course there is always sex appeal, but not many people actually know how to master it. Most people assume that they have to alter their physical appearance by working out, dieting, layering on pounds of makeup, or buy a whole new wardrobe.

But, true sexiness can be achieved much more subtly.

  1. Be Selfless – Focusing on changing who you are to make someone notice you can not only come off as desperate, but it is a very self-centered way to go about things. According to a study in 2013, an overall characteristic of being selfless and helpful to others makes everyone, both men and women, resulted in them being consider more attractive and suitable as a romantic counterpart.
  2. Be Mysterious – familiarity can be helpful in making an ex miss you. But in catching someone’s attention, it helps to add a sense of mystery to the mix. For example, people who convey a sense of adventure on their social media tend to be perceived as more exciting. You start to crave an update about whatever they are going to do next.
  3. Be Creative – Psychologically, we tend to consider creativity as a sign of intelligence. (That’s why so many ladies go for musicians, or so I’m told)
  4. Be Approachable – Your body language says a lot about you. Unfortunately, RBF is a thing. And if you have it, I feel for you. But if you know you tend to be hard to approach because of it or your tendency to cross your arms and slough, now is the time to make some changes to your posture. I’m not saying to plaster a fake smile on your face or anything. The idea here is just to be aware of how you are coming across. If anything, simply lift your chin slightly, open your eyes slightly wider, and avoid crossing your arms or legs.

Tap Into His Animal Instincts

Men, are hardwired to be competitive. I’m not afraid to admit that I obsessed over every picture Jen posted with other good-looking men before she was mine. Even those pictures that were obviously nothing made me even more competitive and driven to “win her.”

So, don’t be afraid to spend time with other guys or post pictures of you out having fun.

The funny thing about this is that a guy can be completely uninterested at first, knowing that you are interested. But even the slight inclination that you’ve lost interest or that you are pursuing someone else will have him begging for your attention. That’s that competitive nature for you.

Wrap It Up

Okay, we covered a lot and obviously you aren’t going to use every single one of these tactics, but each of them has their merits depending on the situation they are in.

Let’s revisit what they were.

  1. Pattern-Interrupt – We interrupt your regularly scheduled program to make you… Pay attention to me!
  2. Optimize Social Media – Define your values. Update your platforms. Cultivate your tone of voice.
  3. Manipulate the Hero Complex – Recognize the Hero Complex and learn to trigger it.
  4. The Zeigernik Effect – He is more likely to want to continue talking to you if he feels a positive conversation was left unfinished.
  5. Manage Your Availability – Don’t be too available. You have your own life you know.
  6. Use Your Sex Appeal – Be selfless, mysterious, creative, and approachable.
  7. Feed His Animal Instincts – Feed his competitive side.

These tactics will help you catch his attention an hopefully get the guy. And if you need further assistance in getting the guy… we offer coaching with our relationship experts!

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15 thoughts on “7 Easy Ways to Get a Guy’s Attention”

  1. Em

    January 12, 2020 at 2:57 pm

    Hi chris!
    I’m not sure if mine really qualifies as it was never honestly exclusive, but I have been talking to a guy for the past three months. It has gotten to the point where I have fallen for him but I refuse to tell him as it’s his choice that we remain friends. He and I have both been cheated on in every relationship we have ever been in. A little over a week ago we went out, I asked the girl we were with if she had a cigarette as I was out (I kno, bad habbit) she also was out. I turned around and saw some guy had one in his hand. I asked him for one, turned out as I started speaking to him that he was my bosses brother and his wife was also with us mind you. We ALL went outside. I go to come back in and the guy I’m talking to is standing there smoking. We talk for a minute and I go inside because it’s cold. Then once back inside he proceeded to ask me about the guy (me feeling that its unfair and wanting to tell him that I was in love with him and that it shouldn’t matter, trying to avoid drama goes for a walk before I open my mouth). He ends up freaking out as we are leaving and I try to get him to talk to me he says YOU AND THAT GUY! …. I didn’t understand because it was so minuscule to me at the time… I tried to get him to talk to me since and hes ignored me twice. Showed up to his house he acted like there was nothing to talk about and he was asleep. Hes since blocked me on Instagram which is the only form of social media he uses, and I’m scared to even try to send him another message for fear that hes probably blocked me from his phone as well. Its been almost a week since I have started the NC. …. this is breaking my heart and I don’t know what to do. I’ve been crying every day for the past week. He wont even speak to me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 17, 2020 at 9:00 pm

      Hi Em, so keep to your NC and work on yourself for the short term, as much as it is hard to do this, read and read some more of these articles that apply to your situation and what to do. The fact that he wont speak to you right now is more of an emotion sign that they are angry/ upset

  2. NM

    June 25, 2019 at 6:56 pm

    Hi Chris,
    My ex broke up with me due to my difficult circumstances. I wrote you about it and you helped me a lot. Since then we started seeing each other and it was better than ever. But last week I bumped into him with another girl. He has messaged me now and told me he is trying to move on. I haven’t answered his message. Is the NC rule the path to follow?

    1. Chris Seiter

      June 25, 2019 at 10:34 pm

      Hi There….you might want to wait a few days or longer before committing to No Contact. Its possible, though not likely, that he will have a change of heart. Don’t count on it or expect, but if he should reach out to talk, then probably it would be best to explore what he has to say. Beyond that, consider picking up my eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book” as it will help show you the way.

  3. Fred

    March 15, 2019 at 12:17 am

    Hey can you help get ex bf back?

  4. Rachel

    March 5, 2019 at 11:07 pm

    Hi Chris!

    My ex broke our 5 1/2 year relationship off just under 6 weeks ago, and to say I’m devastated is an understatement. He says that he just doesn’t love me like he once did, and that he just doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now. He’s not over me, still loves me (but not enough) and cares for me, but right now.. can’t be with me, and that he doesn’t miss me. He’s had like an almost quarter life crisis, and says he just can’t do it anymore.
    He still wants to meet up, but just doesn’t see me in a relationship way anymore. He’s never been great at expressing his emotions, but right now he’s just saying he’s just not thinking about the situation. There is now one else, he just wants to be single. He’s said that he hasn’t completely shut the door on us getting back together, but then again.. he doesn’t want to give me false hope.. which I understand
    I really hope he realised he will realise, but right now, he’s just not in that frame of mind. I want him to miss me, and I’m trying my best to be the UG girl. For my own sanity, should I try the NC rule fully? Right now we are in and out of contact, but he always replies.

  5. T

    February 18, 2019 at 2:31 am

    Hi! So after no contact we’ve been talking again for a couple months but we’ve been fighting and finally I decided we should just be friends. He was hesitant at first but then said we don’t have a lot in common and don’t make a good couple and agreed to be friends. I said I needed some space to regulate my feelings and kinda heal from all the hurting. I think I’m in a place now where I’m ready to fully be friends but he doesn’t really engage in conversation. We still talk daily but it’s short conversations and no matter how hard I try to keep it going, he always ends the conversation. I can’t tell if he’s trying to respect my need for space or if he needs some space of his own. After no contact, I texted him about a movie he liked having a sequel coming out. That movie is now out in theaters so I wondering if you think it’d be a good idea to ask him to see it with me? I don’t want to over step if he’s trying to have space but I also want to indicate I don’t need space anymore. Honestly any advice you have on this or links to articles you’ve written about this, if any. I tried to look but couldn’t find any. Thank you for your help.

  6. P

    February 17, 2019 at 11:46 am

    Thank you Chris. Yes, I’ve read about it a while ago, I will re-read it because it could be my only way. Things were going well and then he got “distant” (well, not that, but he seems to have lost interest, he is not “chasing” as much as before). I will read again your posts.

    Thank you again

    1. Chris Seiter

      February 17, 2019 at 11:05 pm

      Best of luck to ya P!

  7. P

    February 16, 2019 at 9:45 am

    Hi Chris:
    This is not exactly about an ex but I’ve been reading your blog for years (trying to recover my ex) and I think that your advice can be useful in my situation:
    I am hard flirting with a guy, we both like each other a lot, but we live in different cities (we met in another place a few months ago) and we were planning to spend a weekend together (both of us would have to travel for that but it didn’t matter). We have a lot in common and we are friends, it’s not only attraction.
    The problem is…he is in love with another girl. His best friend (which is kinda friend of mine too). She has a boyfriend since many years ago but their relationship is not monogam, so from time to time, she has something with the guy I like. She knows about us (he told her) and since then, she seems more “demanding”. It can’t be jealously, he is in love with her, not with me. And she keeps being toooo nice with me, which is awkward (we never told about him, she knows and she knows that I know. Enough). I know the situation because he told me, he is very honest about him and us and about his fears, we can talk about anything but I don’t like to talk about her. I’m not friendzoned because he is attracted to me, but I’m not a priority and whenever she “calls” him, he will go. We’re going to meet this month but it didn’t happened for different reasons and now I guess she is one of that reasons, she is using “my time”, to say it in some way.
    I really like him but he has her too idealized, she was in his life way before he met me and I don’t know what to do. I just want a chance but I don’t know how can I get it, if I could.
    Can you help me?
    Thank you a lot

    1. Chris Seiter

      February 17, 2019 at 1:15 am

      Hi P!

      There is a method I sometimes advocate called the “Being There” approach. It too long for me to discuss here, but I wrote a post about it and if you want to reach out to me via the “Contact” link found on the bottom of my web page, I can tell you more about it as it may be helpful in keeping you engaged in his life.

  8. Abir

    February 14, 2019 at 5:55 pm

    Hi there Chris, my boyfriend and i broke up about a week ago , he left me saying that he doesn’t want to be with me anymore and that his heart is dead , the breakup was so ugly and i said some really hurful stuff to him because i was sad and angry , he told me to move on .. I fear he will never come back because he wanted to be free and at peace and once he tastes that there is no way he’ll want to get back to me or have a drama filled relationship and pressure

    1. Chris Seiter

      February 14, 2019 at 11:14 pm

      HI Abir!

      Sounds like a NC break would be the best medicine for numerous reasons….your healing of your emotional wounds and recovery as well as potentially rebuilding the attraction. Take a look at my epic long 485 page eBook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” to help you along the way!

  9. Jessica

    February 11, 2019 at 9:39 am

    Hi Chris,

    I’m currently in the middle of my NC and will be referencing these when it comes time to text! I’m definitely nervous for when the time comes, but for now I’m trying to focus on becoming a UG.

    One question though, do you have any advice or resources for a relationship that was live-in, but because of the breakup would now be considered long distance? Me and my ex were originally in a LDR for over a year before I relocated to be with him for another year and a half, and since the relationship ended, I’ve since moved back to my hometown a few states away. How would this change the course and strategy of getting him back, if anything?

    1. Chris Seiter

      February 11, 2019 at 11:40 pm

      Hi Jessica!

      It’s OK to be nervous. Its normal. But remind yourself that you can only do what seems best and you don’t control everything. Give yourself a big pat on the back for striving to be your best UG! Certainly pursuing things from long distance makes it a bit more challenging when it comes to casual meet-ups which are part of the process later on if text communications prove positive. But just because you are long distance does not make it a case where you chances are largely diminished. Success usually rides on execution of the plan and many other factors way too complicated to talk about here.