Okay, I’m gonna say something first that is going to be a little controversial. There are plenty of ways to temporarily catch a guys attention. Think like those commercials that had Jessica Simpson rolling all over the hood of a muscle car wearing next to nothing, covered in suds and eating a Burger King Burger. It caught everyone’s attention. But the next week we had all moved on to something else.
If you want to get a guy’s attention and have the opportunity to keep that attention, you have to put some actual thought into it instead of just throwing on a red dress and not having a follow through plan to keep his attention after that.
If you watch the Bachelor at all (yes I’m going there), this is what separates the girls that go home immediately and the one’s that make it all the way through to the end.
There are SEVEN ways we are going to cover that will allow you to catch a guy’s attention and hold it.
First, let’s just go over the different tactics. Now, don’t be overwhelmed if they aren’t easy to follow just from this list. I’m going to go into them in detail and line you up for success. I just want you to have an idea of what’s coming.
They are as follows:
- Optimize Social Media
- Manipulate the Hero Complex
- The Zeigernik Effect
- Manage Your Availability
- Use Your Sex Appeal
- Feed His Animal Instincts
Are you up for it? Let’s dive right in!
A Pattern Interrupt is anything that catches his attention enough to make him stop what he’s doing.
If you want to see me stand in front of a camera and explain the concept of Pattern Interrupt watch this quick vid, otherwise, keep reading.
For example, if you were going to use a text to interrupt whatever part of his routine he’s in the middle of, you wouldn’t sent him a simple,
You’d be more inclined to catch his attention with something along the lines of,
“You won’t believe what I just saw!”
The trick here is the follow through. You have to be able to carry through on the excitement.
I mean, you aren’t just going to tell him you saw his car parked at the grocery store. That’s anticlimactic and kind of stalkery.
Instead, something you know he won’t be able to resist, like a celebrity-sighting. Just as long as it’s one he’ll actually be excited about.
Other routes you could go are:
“OMG, guess what I just did!”
“You will never believe what just happened to me!”
The goal is simply to peak his interest enough for him to stop and pay attention.
Optimize Your Social Media
This one we are going to break down into steps, because it’s easy to make it way more complicated than it is.
Step 1: Define Your Values
Okay, before you go making dramatic posts showing skin and partying with everyone under the sun, you need to decide who you are. Sit seems like a deep diving psychological adventure, but you can keep it as simple as you want.
It doesn’t take a lot of soul searching to do this you just have to ask yourself some questions.
Is being perceived as a good person important to you? You might want to avoid cussing or limit what you let your friends tag you in.
Do you want to identify as a health-minded person? Maybe sharing fun recipes and workouts is for you. You just don’t want to be one of those annoying people that post constantly though. Don’t worry, we’ll talk about over-posting in a second.
How do you want to represent yourself?
What areas do you excel at that you want to play up?
Do you have a tendency to post negative stuff when you are emotionally challenged? Maybe you want to make yourself put those posts into a mandatory holding and editing them into something positive before posting them. We’ll cover that in a second too.
For those of you with a good imagination, there is a way to go about this that makes it pretty easy to make decisions about what values and characteristics you want to focus on.
Imagine something with me. You just got a new job. You are now in charge of running the social media for a new boss. Think Miranda Priestly from “The Devil Wears Prada” and you’re Emily. Your boss is someone you’ve always looked up to and you look forward to one day being her.
The most important thing is to not misrepresent her or her business.
Plot twist, she’s not actually Miranda Priestly. This boss… she’s the future you, and Optimal You, if you will.
Have you ever heard this saying?
“The best way to predict your future is to create it.” – Abraham Lincoln
Well, I’ll give you something to live by when it comes to social media posting. Work for yourself!
Okay, so if you are working for this Optimal You, what is her mission statement? Businesses have Mission Statements to keep their company and employees focused on delivering the right message to the public without misrepresenting the company, right? Some even create a set of rules for their employees to follow when representing the company.
So, as you continue optimizing your social media, you are going to create either a set of rules for yourself, or a statement that represents this Optimal You. Everything you post from now on has to adhere to these rules.
Step 2: Update Your Platforms
- Delete old accounts. Anything that someone can Google you and find should embody the values you defined in step 1.
- Delete old pictures that don’t reflect the values that you decided on. You can save photos without having them out there for everyone to see.
- Remove questionable posts from the past that isn’t value oriented.
- Join social media groups that match your values and focus. Groups can offer new challenges to become better at whatever your focus is. They can push you by holding you accountable and giving you the opportunity to collaborate with and counsel other like-minded people. It can even help you discover some really cool opportunities to live up to your potential. The key here is to join and PARTICIPATE. If you you don’t participate, then joining is pointless.
- Resolve to be consistent, but don’t over-post. The idea is to get your guy engaged in your life. If you update your accounts and then don’t remain active, he won’t have a reason to pay attention to it at all. Social media can be a great tool, but it can also be your downfall. The trick here is finding a happy medium. Stick to posting only 3 or 4 times a week. Note that I said a WEEK!! not 3 or 4 times a day. Add this to your list of rules. This solves another problem most people run into. Constant reposting. Well, if you have a limited number of times you can post a week, you’ll start to consider how important it is for you to share that meme that junks up everyone else’s news feed and makes people not pay attention your posts. You’ll create a sense of importance to your posts, because of the scarcity and the fact that you pay attention to what you post.A lot of you will be tempted to “fake it till you make it” and just try to be who you think the guy wants you to be. But if that person doesn’t align with your authentic self, who you actually are and want to be, then it won’t stay consistent over time. That’s why step 1 is so important. You have to be true to yourself.
Step 3: Cultivate a Tone of Voice
“It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.”
- Avoid Negativity. This is what I was talking about before. if you have a tendency to make posts when you are emotionally charged, then it’s important to set the post aside for a bit and come back to it when you are feeling more level-headed and review it. Having a weekly post limit will help with this too. You won’t want to waste your post on something that doesn’t represent that Optimal You that you are working for. Instead, if when you review it you decide it’s still worth posting, find a way to rephrase it in a way that is more positive.For example, instead of “Slept through my alarm…again. Eff my life!,” you could say, “Wonderful morning to sleep in and snuggle!”Let’s be honest here, life is not always great. But you can choose what you post and how you post it. Just keep things positive and remember to ask yourself, “Would the Boss Lady approve?”
- Set Yourself Apart with the Way that you Speak. Take a few characters you are sure to recognize.Currently, we are seeing a lot of Cardi B in the news and almost everywhere she’s seen she ends up having to explain her way of speaking. I mean, she basically has her own language. Okurrrrrt?! Now, I’m not suggesting you start making yourself out to be obnoxious, but don’t hide your individuality either.Another notable voice is Sean Connery. He has an unforgettable slow, deep draw and an adorable accent that happens to turn words like “snacks” into “schnacks.” Some people might thing they need to cut out their affinity for slang or the fact that they say y’all a lot to seem more sophisticated or business-like.And then of course we have Meryl Streep, who has this whole tone of voice things down pat. I mean she not only speak slowly, which conveys confidence, she also speaks softly forcing people to listen to what she has to say. Hold onto the things that make you unique.
- As American author Maya Angelou once said, “People don’t always remember what you say or even what you do, but they always remember how you made them feel.”If you consistently post things that make people feel bad or feel sorry for you then, they will avoid looking at your pages. But, if you make them feel good about themselves, or excited to see your next adventure, then you will cultivate a return visitor.
- It’s okay to be a little colorful, just make sure that you are representing the “boss,” your Optimal Self. A little color spawns conversation and can serve as a pattern interrupt if done correctly, and by correctly I mean sparingly.
- An easy way to make sure that what you are posting has an accurate tone of voice, read it out loud. If it sounds unnatural, then rewrite it in your voice. Using a natural language inspires a sense of trust and intimacy with the people reading it. If you don’t, you risk alienating yourself.
Tap Into His Hero Complex
How to Recognize A Hero Complex
Almost all men have a Hero Complex, the desire to save the day and get the credit. Not all men are driven by this desire though.
So, how do you know if this tactic will even work?
Well, there are two ways to tell if your guy is driven by the desire to be your hero.
- He paints himself as the hero of every story he tells, because he wants you and probably everyone else to see him as the hero.
- He asks about your past relationships and goes out of his way to provide evidence that he is nothing like those guys, or any other guy for that matter.
These two things are surefire signs that he is trying to line himself up as a hero in someone’s eyes, but if he is going out of his way to make sure you see him that way then you can use this knowledge to your advantage.
How to Trigger His Hero Complex
- Ask for help with… literally anything. have him fix a faucet. Let him teach you how to drive a stick shift. Let him explain how something works. Ask for his advice on something.
- Don’t help him with anything unless he literally asks for your help. As you may well know, most men fight to hold on to their masculinity at any cost. for example, if you mention that his clothes always tend to be wrinkled and he doesn’t specifically ask you to do anything about it, he shouldn’t come home to all of his shirts and pants nicely pressed and folded. Let him be who he is and only help when he asks.
- Make him earn your respect. Guys like a challenge. You don’t want to hand all of your attention to him on a platter.
- This is not a millennial award ceremony. He doesn’t get an award for just showing up. He won’t say it but he wants to prove himself. You don’t have to work at winning him over. Let him actually win your attention and even your heart.
- Thank him when he does something for you, even the little things. Making him feel appreciated will ensure that he continues to do things that you’ll be appreciative for.
The Zeigernik Effect
According to my Google research, you are more likely to read an article that implies that you will get the guy “fast” as opposed an article that implies you’ll have to work hard and be patient.
Hey, I get it.
We want what we want and we want it as quickly as possible.
That’s human nature. the fact that we’ve made almost everything instantaneous (fast food, texting, the internet, weight loss pills) has only made us expect everything even faster.
So, I won’t hold that against you.
Another part of human nature is that our brains prefer completed tasks.
That leads me to our next topic, the Zeigernik Effect.
What is the Zeigernik Effect
The Zeigarnik Effect basically states that human beings remember interrupted or incomplete tasks better than completed ones.
This concept was discovered by a Lithuanian psychologist names Bluma Zeigernik.
She made the astute observation that interruption has a unique effect on memory processing that suggested that the completion of a task actually made it more likely to be forgotten.
However, when an action or conversation is interrupted, it is as if your mind creates a bookmark and a reminder that you need to pick up here after the interruption. The “bookmark” tells your mind that this information is slightly more important than the rest of the information, even if it isn’t.
Leveraging Your Limited Availability
Do you jump every time he breathes in your direction?
I mean, do you respond to his texts instantaneously?
Do you immediately accept when he asks you do do something?
Are you absolutely focused on being someone he would be attracted to above everything else?
Do you blow off making plans with other people because he may, maybe, possibly want to do something?
Stop trying so hard.
Trying that hard tells him and the whole wide world that you are desperate. No one wants to be desperate and no one wants to be with someone who is needy.
Get a grip.
How can you achieve this?
Well, you need to have other people in your life and you need to have other interests.
It’s as simple as that.
Don’t hesitate to say,
“I’m not available Saturday evening, but I could maybe do something next week. Let me check and see when I am.”
It shows you are interested in hanging out but that you aren’t going to rearrange your schedule for him.
Us guys like a challenge. If it’s handed to us on a platter, we don’t appreciate it as much as something we have to work for.
Functional Sex Appeal
Of course there is always sex appeal, but not many people actually know how to master it. Most people assume that they have to alter their physical appearance by working out, dieting, layering on pounds of makeup, or buy a whole new wardrobe.
But, true sexiness can be achieved much more subtly.
- Be Selfless – Focusing on changing who you are to make someone notice you can not only come off as desperate, but it is a very self-centered way to go about things. According to a study in 2013, an overall characteristic of being selfless and helpful to others makes everyone, both men and women, resulted in them being consider more attractive and suitable as a romantic counterpart.
- Be Mysterious – familiarity can be helpful in making an ex miss you. But in catching someone’s attention, it helps to add a sense of mystery to the mix. For example, people who convey a sense of adventure on their social media tend to be perceived as more exciting. You start to crave an update about whatever they are going to do next.
- Be Creative – Psychologically, we tend to consider creativity as a sign of intelligence. (That’s why so many ladies go for musicians, or so I’m told)
- Be Approachable – Your body language says a lot about you. Unfortunately, RBF is a thing. And if you have it, I feel for you. But if you know you tend to be hard to approach because of it or your tendency to cross your arms and slough, now is the time to make some changes to your posture. I’m not saying to plaster a fake smile on your face or anything. The idea here is just to be aware of how you are coming across. If anything, simply lift your chin slightly, open your eyes slightly wider, and avoid crossing your arms or legs.
Tap Into His Animal Instincts
Men, are hardwired to be competitive. I’m not afraid to admit that I obsessed over every picture Jen posted with other good-looking men before she was mine. Even those pictures that were obviously nothing made me even more competitive and driven to “win her.”
So, don’t be afraid to spend time with other guys or post pictures of you out having fun.
The funny thing about this is that a guy can be completely uninterested at first, knowing that you are interested. But even the slight inclination that you’ve lost interest or that you are pursuing someone else will have him begging for your attention. That’s that competitive nature for you.
Wrap It Up
Okay, we covered a lot and obviously you aren’t going to use every single one of these tactics, but each of them has their merits depending on the situation they are in.
Let’s revisit what they were.
- Pattern-Interrupt – We interrupt your regularly scheduled program to make you… Pay attention to me!
- Optimize Social Media – Define your values. Update your platforms. Cultivate your tone of voice.
- Manipulate the Hero Complex – Recognize the Hero Complex and learn to trigger it.
- The Zeigernik Effect – He is more likely to want to continue talking to you if he feels a positive conversation was left unfinished.
- Manage Your Availability – Don’t be too available. You have your own life you know.
- Use Your Sex Appeal – Be selfless, mysterious, creative, and approachable.
- Feed His Animal Instincts – Feed his competitive side.
These tactics will help you catch his attention an hopefully get the guy. And if you need further assistance in getting the guy… we offer coaching with our relationship experts!