What Really Attracts An Ex Boyfriend To You?

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

We are going to do something a little bit different with this article.

Something I haven’t done since I last wrote an article about, The Ungettable Girl.

Instead of talking about what to do in this situation or what to do in that situation I want to talk about what qualities you can exhibit that are more likely to increase your chances of re-attracting your ex.

In other words, I am going to pull back the curtain and give you ultimate insight into the mind of the man.

But this begs the question.

How do I know that exhibiting this exact behavior will work?

How can I guarantee that I am just not making it up off the top of my head?

Good question.

When I research these articles I generally have a gauntlet that I often put my ideas through.

Here’s a picture of my gauntlet,

The Gauntlet

You will notice that there are three parts to this gauntlet,

  1. My Thoughts
  2. My Research
  3. What I Have Seen

Basically when I get an idea I try to pick it apart in any way that I can.

I will give you an example.

Let’s take the a basic principle “ex recovery” principle like the no contact rule and run it through the gauntlet.

Gauntlet Test One: My Thoughts

I always like to test things against myself because I am a man. Therefore, I know how most of them think. So, sometimes simply asking,

“Would this work on me?”

Is enough of a test for me to tell if an idea is good or bad.

So, would it?

Would a strategy like the no contact rule work on me?

Well, it may very well be the most popular strategy that I talk about on Ex Boyfriend Recovery so of course it would!

But doing the “self test” alone isn’t enough to determine if an idea is good enough to put on this site. Nope, there are two more tests that the gauntlet will throw at it to determine if it’s an idea worth pursuing.

Gauntlet Test Two: My Research

What are others who have dedicated their lives to relationships saying about it?

Do they like it?

Despise it?

Are they iffy about it?

These are all very important things to consider before giving the “go ahead” on an idea.

For example, let’s say that I thought the no contact rule would work on myself (test one) but when I did my research all the experts out there were arguing against it (which they really aren’t.)

Well, that’s cause for alarm and may make me want to think twice about endorsing an idea.

Of course, there are those rare cases where experts are completely wrong.

Which is why test three comes in handy.

Gauntlet Test Three: What I Have Seen

Ex Boyfriend Recovery is a big site.

Oh, who am I kidding.

This is a BIG A** site.

Meaning that every single month close to 600,000 women stop by here. Now, I am no math wiz but when you add the numbers up that means that over 7.2 million people come to this website every single year.

That’s a lot of people.

And you want to know what advantage there is to having that many people visit the site?

A lot of people try things without you even recommending it.

And since we have formed a really amazing community here at EBR a lot of those people inform us on whether or not an idea worked or failed.

So, with a strategy like the no contact rule we have found that over 70% of our successes (meaning a woman got her boyfriend back) utilized NC. Therefore, we know that it’s an effective strategy.

The whole idea behind the gauntlet is to put every idea through a test so that we aren’t wasting your time.

Now, it may seem like I just wasted three minutes of your life explaining this whole “gauntlet” idea but the truth is that there is a method to my madness.

This entire page is dedicated to teaching you about what qualities an ex boyfriend is drawn to in his ex girlfriend. Therefore, I am going to be showing you A LOT of qualities/ideas.

However, instead of expecting you to follow me blindly I am going to peel back the layers and let you in on what I found via the gauntlet tests. In other words, I am going to show you all of my findings in addition to letting you in on the qualities that attract men.

Sound good?

Yes?

We're waiting

Geez… Has anyone ever told you that you are very impatient?

Ok, let’s begin.

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February 1, 2017

1 - Quality #1: The Chase...

Don’t be easy to get… You’ll be easy to forget

I heard that quote somewhere and totally wanted to use it…. So I did!

Men love the chase.

You see, there is a fundamental difference between how men and women often approach relationships. Women are very concerned with establishing a committed relationships while men are concerned with the thrill of getting into a new relationship.

My friend Wes said it best,

The best part about dating isn’t actually getting into a relationship with a woman. It’s the thrill ride of trying to get there.

And I have to admit. He’s kind of right.

Men are hunters.

We like to hunt things.

We like to chase things.

So, what if there is no chase?

What if there is nothing to hunt?

Well, that’s kind of what happened to you in your relationship with your ex. You got boring to him. There was no chase involved.

Of course, what do I know about the chase?

I’m a married man, right?

At least, that’s the logic that a someone named Butterfflyess had on my YouTube Channel,

Men Want What They Can't Have

But she has a point.

What could I know?

What chase could I possibly be experiencing now that I am a married man?

Well, just because I am married doesn’t mean that I can’t experience “the chase” with my wife. Hell, sometimes I still feel like I am chasing after her. And even though it annoys me to no end it also serves an important purpose.

It keeps things fresh.

It keeps things new.

But perhaps you need something a bit more scientific to drill this point home so I would like to introduce you to my research.

What My Research Says About “The Chase”

Have you ever heard of a principle called, psychological reactance?

It’s basically this psychology principle that states that whenever someone has a freedom taken away or is threatened to have that freedom taken away they are more drawn to having that freedom.

This is very prevalent in children.

Have you ever noticed that you can give a child a toy and they will get very excited about it for about ten seconds and then they get bored of it and move on to something else. But if another child comes around and picks up the toy that they just got bored with all of a sudden they are very interested in having that toy back.

In other words, when the child realized that their freedom of having that toy was taken away they were more drawn to the toy.

The same principle applies here with your ex and the chase.

By playing hard to get you are essentially signifying to your ex that he doesn’t have the freedom to “have you.” Psychology has found that doing this to a person actually makes them want you more.

This is why “the chase” has proven to be such an effective method of attraction.

But science can only take us so far.

What about the experience I have had dealing with “the chase?”

What I Have Seen Regarding “The Chase”

Take a moment and look over this picture,

real life exampe

Now, I realize that this is actually very difficult to make out but this is actually a screenshot of one of my independent studies where I looked directly at my successes and tried to determine what they did that worked versus what didn’t work.

This particular success is actually found on the brother site to this site, Ex Girlfriend Recovery. I realize that we are talking about men in this article but what I found with this success story can directly apply to what I am talking about so I am going to use it.

Don’t hate!

As you can see from my notes this particular guy begged for his ex girlfriend back a total of 3 times and essentially fell flat on his face every time.

It wasn’t until he implemented the no contact rule, a tactic that forces your ex to chase after you to get a response that he started seeing some results.

By it’s very nature the no contact rule forces you to play hard to get.

And here we have an example of a man who did not play hard to get and failed at getting his ex back. In fact, it wasn’t until he started playing hard to get. It wasn’t until he started implementing a way to get his ex to chase him that he started seeing results.

“The chase” works!

2 - Quality #2: The Madonna-Whore Complex

Instead, of giving a bit of build up on the madonna-whore complex I am just going to jump straight to my research.

The madonna-whore complex isn’t something I just made up off the top of my head.

Quite the contrary, it’s a principle that was thought up by this guy,

freud

Sigmund Freud!

Now, before I get to explaining the concept there is something important that we need to talk about.

When you first read the words, “Madonna-Whore” complex what was the first thing you thought of?

You thought of Madonna… the famous singer, right?

madonna

Well, believe it or not when we talk about “madonna” in this article we aren’t going to be referring to the pop superstar. Instead, we are going to be using the literal definition.

Madonna- The Virgin Mary

And as for “whore…”

Well, I don’t think you need any prep for that.

That means what you think it does.

So, what is the “madonna-whore complex?”

What Is It?

The MW complex revolves around the idea that a man can’t maintain sexual arousal while in the midst of a loving and committed relationship.

The idea basically goes like this.

Men either see women as a saint like “madonna” or as a “whore” like a prostitute.

Men with this complex will prefer a woman who has more “whore” like qualities.

But how does this tie in to what we are talking about?

I mean, am I really telling you that you need to become a whore to re-attract your ex boyfriend?

No…

I want you to think of it like this,

A man is going to have two different views of you. He is either going to see you as a girl that he will never consider sleeping with.

OR

He is going to see you as a girl he will consider sleeping with. A girl that he will fantasize about sleeping with.

Do you care to take a guess at where you need to fall if you want to have any chance of re-attracting an ex?

Yup, you need to fall under the category where he fantasizes about sleeping with you.

Now, it’s still possible for a man to feel affection towards a Madonna but it will be more of a mother like affection.

Ah… a mother like affection.

Remember that phrase because it’s going to be important in a second.

The obvious question that you have in your mind right now is how? How can you become a girl he will fantasize about sleeping with.

Well, let’s turn to real life and I want to show you what I am seeing.

What I Have Seen Regarding The MW Complex

It always shocks me when I hear stories about your relationships.

Seriously, half the time I am sitting there thinking,

“Man, this guy doesn’t deserve you… You are way to good for him.”

But maybe that’s the problem.

Do you remember a few seconds ago when I told you to remember that phrase about mothers?

Well, here’s the payoff.

If you act like a mother to a man he is going to treat you like a mother.

In other words, if you spoil him too much, do his laundry, dishes, cook for him, etc he is going to take you for granted and he will lose his physical attraction to you.

I know it sounds weird.

As a married man all I think half the time is how great it would be if my wife did my clothes.

But she doesn’t.

Maybe that’s why I am so wildly attracted to her.

She constantly leaves me wanting more.

She doesn’t act like my mother.

She acts like my wife.

So, I guess the main takeaway from the MW complex is that you shouldn’t act so saintly or perfect around a man. Don’t cater to his needs. He will take you for granted.

3 - Quality #3: Reverse Psychology Specifically Around Dating

If you are familiar with my work on PRO then you would know that I recommend that you go on three dates with your ex before you make any serious moves about obtaining a commitment.

The idea behind this is that each date slowly builds up attraction and will raise your chances of getting a man to ask you to be official again.

But that’s assuming that everything goes according to plan.

That’s assuming that we live in a perfect world.

I mean, what happens if you get on the first date with your ex and he says,

“You know we aren’t ever going to get back together, right? I just want to be friends.”

It can be deflating to your confidence and as much as I hate to admit this it happens quite often.

So, what can you do to flip the script?

How can you make this work for you?

Well, you can use reverse psychology.

Exes are terrified of getting serious with another ex (you.) So, take that knowledge and use it against him. Create a situation where you put him in the role of the chaser and you in the role of the “chasee!”

Here’s what you do.

Tell him that you aren’t interested in jumping back into a relationship with both feet before he has the chance.

Remember what I just told you about psychological reactance and how men hate having their “freedom” taken away?

Well, that’s essentially what you are doing.

You are putting him in a position where not only will it put a stop to his fears that you are after something “serious” but it also takes his freedom to have you away.

Are you starting to see a common theme here?

Often times the key to attracting a man is this constant push/pull of attraction (more on that in a second.)

Let’s turn our attention to my research.

Research Around Reverse Psychology

People hate being told what they can’t do.

And that’s why this method is so effective.

You are basically telling your ex that he can’t get into a relationship with you. You are depriving him of his freedom to have you (psychological reactance.) And once that freedom has been taken away he is going to go batshit crazy trying to get it back.

Don’t believe me?

Ok, let’s take a look at a few real life examples that I came across in my research.

Take a look at this picture,

lol

What does this sign say?

It says not to throw stones at it, right?

Does it look like people listened?

Hell no… I count 17 places where it looks like rocks were thrown at the sign.

Ok, try this one on for size,

target shooting

No target shooting.

Does it look like people listened?

Nope, it looks like someone used the sign for target practice.

Ok, last one I promise,

reverse psychology compliment

Guilty!

I did this to my wife the other day.

I had just gotten out of the shower and was back from a workout and she happened to be in the room.

I asked,

“Do you think I look alright?”

Care to guess her response?

“Oh my god… You look amazing.”

Reverse psychology works.

But what about with exes?

What I Have Seen With Reverse Psychology

When it comes to getting an ex back reverse psychology is hit or miss.

Sometimes it works phenomenally and sometimes it doesn’t work at all.

There are a lot of extracurricular factors that go into it.

So, I think what it all boils down to is picking your spots. Honestly, the best use of reverse psychology that I have seen relating to exes is the example I gave above about nipping an exes fears of getting serious in the bud.

Remember, before he has a chance to tell you that he doesn’t want a relationship you jump in and say,

I’m NOT interested in jumping back into a relationship with both feet.

This automatically puts him in a position where he is going to want to prove you wrong.

Why?

Simple, your ex boyfriend, in the back of his mind has a god complex… at least when it comes to his relationship with you.

He thinks he will have this ultimate power over you where he can seduce you and get you to do anything he wants.

Because that’s how most women react to a breakup.

They beg for their exes back…

They apologize…

They act pathetic.

So, rather than doing what he has been conditioned to believe is true you are going to do the opposite. You are going to make him feel like you are in the drivers seat as opposed to him being there.

4 - Quality #4: The Push/Pull Theory

The push/pull theory is a pretty simple theory on the surface but once you dive deeper it can become complex.

In other words, there is a very specific way that I feel it should be used.

But let’s define it first.

The Push/Pull Theory- You pull your ex in by saying or doing something sweet and then you push them away by teasing them or doing something that disqualifies “the pull.”

Mixed signals are a perfect example of the push/pull theory.

When your ex does something that makes you think,

“Man, they may really want me back.”

And then the next moment they turn around and do something that makes you think,

“Never mind… they don’t want me back.”

This is the push/pull theory at work.

The desired result by using the push/pull theory is that you make your ex want you even more. It’s supposed to put you in a position where you are highly valued. BUT in order to achieve this you really need to implement the theory in a certain way.

More on that in a second.

Let’s turn to our research.

What Research Says About The Push/Pull Theory

I first came across the push/pull theory when reading a book called,

“The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists”

It was basically written by a guy who was very nerdy and couldn’t get a girl to save his life. However, throughout the book he undergoes this physical and emotional transformation after meeting and hanging out with a society of pickup artists.

Essentially he listens to what they say and successfully is able to get any girl he wants.

One of the tactics that these PUA’s preached to him was the push/pull theory.

Now, I do want to say that pickup artists are a pretty despicable bunch.

They don’t respect women…

They take advantage of them…

All around they aren’t very nice.

But they were on to something with the push/pull theory. Just not in the way they describe it.

You see, there is a fundamental flaw with the push/pull theory.

It basically makes you look like an a**hole.

What I Have Found To Be True With The Push/Pull Theory

I want you to imagine something for me.

Imagine that you use the P/P theory to the extreme.

You say something that pulls your ex in,

Screen Shot 2016-04-07 at 12.59.24 PM

And then you say something that pushes him away,

Screen Shot 2016-04-07 at 1.00.38 PM

This is the way the pickup community thinks you should use the push/pull theory.

I think this is a massive mistake because all you accomplish by doing this is looking like a total dweeb. Seriously, if someone did that to me I am pretty sure they would be getting a big “fu*k you” in my head. So, here’s what you should do.

Instead of taking the push/pull theory literally and incorporating it into every message or conversation you have with your ex you should look at it in a more general way.

Yes, you want to incorporate it but you probably need to incorporate it without saying something that will piss your ex off.

That’s why I would like to introduce you to my version of the push/pull theory.

Ex Boyfriend Recoveries Push/Pull Theory

Have you ever been fishing?

Yes?

Have you ever caught a fish?

No?

Well, allow me to explain how that process goes down.

The first thing you need is a fishing pole and some type of bait to attract the fish. Once you have those things you go to an area where there are fish and throw your line in the water,

fishing

Eventually… after enough time passes a fish will bite the bait and get stuck on the hook at the end of the fishing line,

fishing

Now the hard part begins. It’s time to reel your fish in.

But how?

Well, oftentimes if you reel the fish in too fast then it will get loose and run away.

fishing

So, what can you do?

Well, what you want to do is lighly pull the fish in… and then let it go a bit…. and then pull it in a bit… and then let it go for a bit. However, the key here is that every time you “let it go” you let it go for less and less.

Remember, you want this fish to be pulled in completely.

It kind of looks like this,

fishing copy

Do you see where I am going with this analogy?

No?

Ok, maybe this will make things clearer,

fishing copy

You essentially want to make your ex feel like he has a chance and then make him feel like he hasn’t. You want to be engaged with him and then not engaged with him.

Let me give you an example.

Let’s say that you have gotten very far into the ex recovery process and you are at the point where you are talking on the phone. The two of you just had an amazing conversation. This can be classified as “the pull.”

Well, now it’s time to push.

Maybe you ignore him for a day.

You don’t say anything mean or do anything ridiculous that those pickup artists recommend you just ignore.

That’s all the push you need.

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

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5 - Quality #5: Waiting To Sleep With An Ex

I know what you are thinking,

“What man would find that attractive?”

Subconsciously women understand that men are attracted to sex. After all, why else would a woman want to wear something like this,

sexy dress

It’s not because it’s comfortable.

It’s because they know that showing off their body will appeal to a man and it’s true.

It does.

But you are in a very unique situation. Assuming you and your ex were together for quite some time I am guessing that the two of you slept together at some point. Therefore, your ex has nothing else to chase. Look, call me insensitive, rude, horrible or whatever other bad adjectives you can think of but the truth is that men are hardwired to want to have lots of sex.

Your ex is no different.

It’s just that sometimes he wants to have sex with other people.

Now, if you haven’t caught on already the big theme behind attracting a man is constantly leaving him with this feeling that he has to chase you.

So, what happens when he has nothing else to chase?

He will stop chasing.

Hmm…

Perhaps I should give you an example.

Let’s pretend that I am consulting a woman named Cordelia who wants her ex, Bob, back.

Now let’s say that I tell Cordelia that under no circumstances can she sleep with Bob before she successfully gets him back. Unfortunately, Cordelia doesn’t heed my advice and she begins to notice one of two things happening.

  1. Bob suddenly loses interest in her
  2. Bob wants more sex but refuses to become “official.”

Let’s take a look at what’s going on in Bob’s mind throughout these two “things.”

Thing One: Bob Suddenly Loses Interest In Cordelia

Like I said above, men are hardwired to want sex.

But what happens when they get what they want and they aren’t locked down in a relationship. What happens when they aren’t obligated to stay.

Well, then they move on to the next thing.

They try to get sex from someone else.

To quote the late great Barney Stinson,

new is better

At least, a lot of men have this mentality.

Men need structure.

We like it.

Hell, just the other day I told my wife that I literally need her to hold me accountable to my work schedule. In other words, I needed her to make sure I was working. I have this nasty habit of getting distracted and not doing my work.

Here’s my point.

Without a relationship to hold a man to a structure he is going to try to sleep with new people.

Let’s move on and talk about thing two!

Thing Two: Bob Wants More Sex But Refuses To Become “Official.”

Friends with benefits.

That’s essentially what you are with your ex the second you sleep with him when you aren’t in a relationship.

I get why you do it.

I really do.

You are thinking that if you sleep with your ex he is going to have his passion for you re-ignited and he is going to want to be back in a relationship with you.

That rarely ever happens.

Usually what ends up happening is he tries to scam his way into having sex with you again but he won’t commit.

Sure it’s messy along the way.

He will fool you into thinking that he wants to get back into a relationship with you with text messages like this,

Screen Shot 2016-04-25 at 12.46.07 PM

But when push comes to shove he doesn’t take any meaningful actions to lock you down in a relationship.

Here’s what it all boils down to.

Sleeping with an ex boyfriend prematurely BEFORE you get him back is a mistake because it gives him what he wants before he actually earns it.

In a traditional relationship a man has to court a woman and get her to agree to be in a relationship with him before she decides to sleep with him.

That’s how it’s supposed to work.

But by sleeping with an ex before he has earned the right to sleep with you, you are basically re-enforcing the idea that it’s ok for him to be friends with benefits with you.

That’s a place you don’t want to be.

What Research Says About Waiting To Sleep With A Man

Back in 2000 communications professor, Sandra Metts did a study to determine if having an emotional connection (saying “I love you”) before having sex could have a positive impact on the trajectory of a relationship.

She determined that couples who had sex before saying “I love you” often had a negative experience with their relationship.

AKA: They broke up faster or had a very toxic experience in their relationships.

(source)

What does this tell us?

Well, it tells us that establishing an emotional connection before you have sex is very important for the survival of a relationship.

It also explains my theory above about how men can suddenly lose interest after getting sex too soon.

There is no emotional connection to hold their interest.

Which is why it’s essential to get them to commit before you become intimate.

What I Have Seen From Women Who Sleep With Their Exes

I want to show you something.

This is a comment I received the other day by a woman who is in the midst of a friends with benefits situation with her ex,

Screen Shot 2016-04-25 at 1.14.49 PM

This is the kind of crap that exes will pull all the time when they are in the midst of a FWB situation.

You see, often what ends up happening is the woman gets really upset because she is having sex with her ex without a relationship in place and she starts trying to push him to be in a relationship with her.

Now, is that exactly what’s happening in this example?

No, BUT at her core this woman definitely wants a relationship with her ex.

Here’s my point.

I have seen this situation copied about five hundred other times.

And they usually always end up the same way.

Friends with benefits leads to a woman wanting a relationship. As a result, she starts pushing for one and scares the man away in the process (like what’s happening in the example above.)

Do yourself a favor and NOT sleep with an ex before you get him back.

Sound good?

6 - Quality #6: He Is A God

I know this may sound a little weird at first but bear with me here.

Men love to feel like gods.

merciful

We love to feel like we are admired by women.

And your ex boyfriend isn’t any different. Now, something tells me that right before your relationship ended with your ex you weren’t giving him too many compliments. Was that the reason that the two of you broke up.

No, but it could be contributing.

Sometimes the smartest thing you can do to make a man fall for you is to find ways to make him feel like a superior specimen.

I have a perfect story to tell you.

Contrary to popular belief I was not always good at talking to women. In fact, it wasn’t until I was 18 that I got my first kiss and even then I was terrified of “how to kiss.”

Looking back it’s kind of hilarious to me how pathetic I was but for the 18 year old version of Chris Seiter, women were not a strong point. In fact, I remember being terrified of talking to any girl who I thought was pretty.

But I am getting off topic here.

I was 18 years old when I convinced a girl to go out with me and I will never forget the first time I actually felt wanted by a girl.

We were watching a movie at the local movie theater (a scary one.) Now, I typically hated watching scary movies because I always thought the plots were kind of dumb but that’s besides the point.

Eventually a really scary part of the movie came to pass and what’s the first thing my (then) girlfriend did?

She grabbed right on to my arm.

It made me feel…. good.

It made me feel like I was the protector.

It was an indirect way of her acknowledging that I was someone who she would trust enough to make her feel better.

Funny Off Topic Story: When I was 20 years old I went with my best friend, Wes, to watch a midnight showing of a scary movie.

 

Anyways, Wes happened to be sitting next to a couple of girls who he had never met before. Well, about an hour into the movie there was a part that made the girl next to him jump and she grabbed on to Wes’ arm very tightly. Once she realized that she had essentially grabbed on to a stranger’s arm she apologized to him very frantically, “I am so sorry.”

 

But that’s not the best part.

 

The best part of it was how much he bragged about it. How much he loved it.

 

Remember, men love to feel like they are kings and this girl made him feel like that.

Here is my point.

If you can find these clever little ways of making your ex boyfriend feel good like that then you are going to be in a very good position for making him raise his attractiveness level towards you.

Of course, you are probably sitting there wondering,

Well, what are some other examples of what I can do to make him feel good about himself?

Examples That You Can Use

  • If you see a bug, like a cockroach, freak out (even if it doesn’t scare you) and run over to him and make him kill it. Remember, make him feel like a god.
  • Maybe you are having trouble opening a jar…. PERFECT! All you have to do is get him to open it. (Psst… makes me feel like a god every time.)
  • If he lifts something super heavy in front of you, you should exclaim, “Wow, you are so strong!”

What Research Says About Stroking A Man’s Ego

All of my research on compliments in relationships yielded similar results.

Compliments In Relationships = Good!

Yet I am more of a statistics person and wherever I looked I had trouble finding any studies done on this.

Don’t get me wrong, I am sure someone out there has done a study on this before but I just had trouble finding it.

Instead, I did find something equally interesting.

Screen Shot 2016-04-26 at 12.26.59 PM

According to an article posted by Forbes, compliments is the social equivalent of receiving money.

What a great visual.

Imagine you had two men.

two men

Now, let’s give man one a ton of money and let’s give man two no money,

two men

Which man do you think is going to be happier?

Man one, right?

Of course!

Well, according to the study posted on Forbes the brain looks at compliments as the social equivalent of receiving money. Therefore it makes sense that a man who receives a lot of compliments from a woman is going to be happier than a man who receives no compliments from a woman.

What I Have Seen With Regards To Compliments

And yet I would warn you to proceed with caution.

Why?

Well, women who come to Ex Boyfriend Recovery are often to obsessed with their exes. Thus, they overdo it with the compliments to an almost uneasy level.

Compliments are great but can you imagine if you got fifty compliments a day. It could become old fast.

That’s why I often recommend that you pair this attraction principle with the push/pull theory.

If you remember my write up about push/pull you would remember that you push your ex away with something that makes him think that you aren’t as “into” him and then you pull him back in by doing something that makes him think that you are.

Well, compliments are a perfect way of doing that.

Just sayin!

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

What Do You Think? (144)

  1. honestly - 0

    honestly

    My ex broke up with me 5 moths ago, we were togheter more then 1 year. For couple months we stayed friends, talking and have sex also. Then I started no contact for 12 days, during this time he contacted me 3 times but I ignored and failed no contact on day 12 ask him to meet up, he said he don’t want more drama cos I was going crazy after every time we were sleeping togheter. I told him there will be no drama cos I just want to see him as a friend, he said yes but hen he said he’s very busy with work. I wasn’t pushing more and started NC. Wanted to do 30 days but I failed again, he contacted asking how am I doing and I replied after 3 days, it was 15 day of NC.

    I don’t want to start NC again, we’re texting now again and he’s very positive with that his messages. I’m cutting conversation in high point and he’s messaging me first as well. I’m staying positive an not showing that I want him back or even meet him.

    I improved during this time, going gym a lot, eating healthy, got promotion at work, meeting friends, found a lot of guys are intrested in me. But I still think I’m not ungettable girl for him as he has a really high expectations. Keep talking how he wants to be the best in everything and it’s just killing my confidence but I’m not showing it… Feels like I’m not good enough for him even thou I’m looking much better now then when we were in a relatioship….

    Do I need to start NC again? It would be weird now as we are talking again… I’m gonna keep improving myself but not sure if I should cut him off again

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Nope..just keep doing what you’re doing but be more focused in your activities and be active in posting..rather than always talking to him

    • honestly - 0

      honestly

      So I think I’ve ruined everything. We were talking for a week an he was responsive and posistive, but I went crazy again (haven’t showed it to him thou). Spent whole week with a phone in my hand just waiting for his message. We were joking and talking about his job but he was barealy asking about me, like he was not interested. Anyway through week we exchanged loads of texts, we were talking a little bit about sex but not too much. In the end I panicked that he will totally friendzone me so I told him I’m seeing someone but it’s not too serious yet. He said he’s happy for me and wish me all the best and the he’ll will step back cos he wants me to be happy and do’t want to hurt me again. I think I was trying rushing things again and I don’t know what to do now….

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      That means you need to be more focused in other activities..

  2. Anna - 0

    Anna

    I slept with my ex bf one week after the breakup… But now it has been 4 weeks since that and we haven’t talked. What should I do? Have I messed everything up already?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      how much have you improved yourself and how active were you in posting in social media?

  3. Zoey - 0

    Zoey

    Hi, I previously posted on this website when I first broke up with my ex. He had reached out to me wanting to get back around 5 months ago. I used a bit of a push and pull method when he said he was keen, then confused, then i said if you’re confused I don’t want it then went NC. Then he decided a week later he wanted to be back for sure when we talked again. Fast forward to now (5months), we talk usually about pretty shallow things (but we have had deeper talks about dreams, holidays), when we argue he would initiate calls to mend things, we are in LDR but we do game together with friends a lot. I have visited him, he said he really enjoys spending time with me. However, when we are apart I felt something was off – he was no longer sexting or reacting when I try to make advances. I asked him whether he is serious about this relationship. He opened up and said he just doesn’t feel motivated with the relationship anymore – similar to what he said before we broke up in our last relationship. He feels like he is no longer as attracted to me and it feels like we are so familiar with each other that it’s more like a friend that he sees in me. He said he sees a lot of qualities in me which he wants in his girlfriend but ever since an event (our previous holiday – where we had pretty big arguments and I said things that he really really disliked/demean) He just hasn’t seen me in the same way. Prior to that, he was very into me. he says he’s over the ‘event’ but it’s just no the same. To me I think he still holds onto some of the negative from the previous relationship and is unwilling to freely open up to me again fearing failure/history repeating.
    We said we’ll take a couple days off to cool off and think. I ended our conversation with a really lengthy message saying what I like in this relationship and how I’ve seen his effort to make it work (acknowledgement). At the same time though I expect that if he wants to be together he needs to be willing to at least TRY to fall back in love with me. and that I’m willing to stick by him through tough times but only if he wants me to. He said he felt guilty about me investing in time to visit him and actually getting back to him even though at that time I had other options. He feels guilty that it seems as though I’m more into and invested in him than he is to me. I told him I’m willing to do all those and invest in someone because they are willing to invest in me like you did when we first got together. I told him he should feel only guilty if he is staying together because of guilt and not because he actually likes me or is serious about this relationship. I ended it by saying, though I will not be his friend if we do break up because we were never friends to begin with (he said he really wants to stay as friends should we break up). I feel as though, he likes me but not enough and is uncertain about what he wants so he wants my presence but not have to commit.
    I said that, let’s think about it for some time (no cheating) and mean whilst I won’t be in any form of contact with him.

    Did I do the right thing by pouring my heart out but establishing what I want or it’s all or nothing? What is the best way to getting a person to really think about things – he tends to think about it for less than a week then want to talk. But I feel as though is it better to NC him for at least two weeks for him to at least really let him try to miss me and for me to see how I feel by spending time by myself?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      let’s just see what he will do after that.. but keep in mind that nc is not just to make someone miss you.. because if you’re not going to change, the absence is not going to help you. He’s going to notice your pattern of ignoring him.. it will look like you’re just trying to manipulate him. The proper way of doing nc is genuinely improving yourself and establishing having your own life and not begging again after that. Be an ungettable girl.

    • Zoey - 0

      Zoey

      In that case, was saying to him that I won’t message him or game with him be negative then? Will it see it as my pattern of ignoring and manipulation or see it as me giving him space?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      if you keep doing it yes… if you were angry when you said, he probably will realize that.. just don’t do it again..

  4. Alicia - 0

    Alicia

    My ex and I weren’t in an official relationship but it kinda felt like it. We met because of tinder in April and it started off really fun. I guess we moved pretty fast bc it wasn’t until a few months passed that he told me he’s not sure if he wants a relationship with me. He said he feels confused and that sometimes the feelings are there and sometimes there aren’t. He mentioned this in about two occasions but we kept doing what we always did. He broke it off with me in September when I took plan B. After the break up I made like every single mistake you mentioned not to make unfortunately. We recently tried to become friends and it started well but then we got into a fight again. He told me he was thinking about maybe trying again but because I started acting distant, he brushed it off. We said we don’t want to lose each other as friends but we agreed to get some time off. He said he didn’t feel that excitement when it came to talking to me anymore. He said he used to want to talk to me from the minute he woke up but he didn’t feel that anymore. I told him it may be because nowadays all we do is fight. So it’s been two weeks since and on Friday I bumped into him in college. I was supposed to meet with his friend only but he asked if he could also come and I said sure if you want to. We were talking and laughing the three of us and it was pretty fun. That same night he sent me a message telling me it was nice to see me after a while. And I said it was nice seeing you too. He messaged me again first yesterday Saturday but I felt like I didn’t have many things to talk about. Last night before he would end the conversation I told him I was going to bed and that we should talk soon. My problem here is that i want him to chase me. Today he hasn’t messaged me at all. He saw my snapchat story but no message. I’m not sure if I should text him first as a push sign and then after a few texts stop answering him as a pull back? I want him to find me interesting to talk to again. For him to want to talk to me from the morning to the night like before but I don’t even remember how I did it the first time. Please help.

    Reply
  5. Regina - 0

    Regina

    My boyfriend and I had been together for about 6 years until I broke up with him 5 months ago. I’ve done the no contact with him and up until recently we’ve been in communication with each other but it’s more of me reaching out to him than him reaching out to me. I’m not sure how much the push and pull technique will work on him as he’s told me that some of the stuff that I said to him during our argument from when we first broke up comes to mind every time he sees me. I just don’t know what to do to change the way he sees me and for him to want to be with me. He says that he still loves me and that he wants to be with me but he needs to get himself together first. I’m not sure if I should just leave him alone and go back to not contacting him and hope that he’ll eventually change how he sees me or to keep try to stay in contact and find ways to change what he sees… I’m so lost and confused.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Regina,

      How long have you been talking to each other? Was it all texts? Did you transition to calls and then to meeting up each other?

  6. Heartburn - 0

    Heartburn

    Hi Chris and Amor.

    Me and my ex were dating for 8 years before everything crumbled down. The main reason of our breakup was because his mother said she had bad dreams/bad feeling toward our marriage plan. So we started to fight for months and he decided to end our relationship. We remained close friends for 2 months, but as I tried to look after any possibilities to get back together, we fought again. Last time we contacted was on March and after that I couldn’t reach him as he didn’t want to meet me, replied my calls and texts. Later I knew in May he followed another girl in instagram. Finally he picked up my call on June and said harsh words. He said “I don’t think about you anymore, I don’t care about you. I’m in process to get other girl, we will never getting back together. This is the last time I want to pick call or reply text from you.” In return, I said bad words too like karma etc.
    In mid June, I saw his pic with that girl. And as your other articles said I guess she’s a rebound girl.
    My concerns are I don’t want him to start being serious with that girl because I want him back. Eventhough we fought months before I think we still want this relationship to work out (please correct me if I’m wrong or this is just my feeling).
    So what should I do?
    I’m at NC right now. I unfollow his instagram because too afraid he will post any photos with his new girl (which he has not posted anything yet, but the girl already post it. First she locked her IG but since she posted their photo now she unlocked it. Hopes that girl is annoyed by my 8 years presence.)

    What should I do?
    I didn’t contact him for 1.5 months right now.
    Please help me.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Heartburn,

      what did you fought about most? and even of you didn’t contact him, obviously he still thinks you’re the old you.. so, restart no contact and do 60 days focus in improving yourself and go out on dates too

    • Josie - 0

      Josie

      I am so pissed. I managed 2 months no contact and reduced contact with my ex. He started showing up where he knew I would be, came round to give me a birthday present. We agreed to go for a pizza together last weekend. The night before our date my boyfriend came round very drunk and begged me to take him back, he loved me so much. We had sex and then after the pizza sex again
      .I didn’t say I loved him but said I was finding it hard not to love him. He hasn’t contacted me since ( 3 days ago) . Should I contact him? Or should I go no contact again to try and get him to really commit

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Josie,

      oh no.. you went too fast.. if he’s being distant, he might have realized that too..

      You need to lay low for now and check this too:
      How To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back If You Slept With Him

  7. Meg - 0

    Meg

    Hey EBR team! I would like to share my story to reassure chris’ theories. Think also helps other girls here. First: he dumped me in january with that usual ‘i love but dont feel in love with u’ b*s*. The relation was bad so i had already found this site so i didnt beg and started NC which actually worked well. We ran into each other after a month and he was clearly annoyed about that. Also very curious about me. I was in hell for 3 months. I really loved the guy. Did all for him. Mother kibda thing as this article says. Needles to say he took me for granted. Ditching me for friends etc. Never left him wanting more. Or chase. And he even said many times it was all too easy with me. I just didnt see the point of the game. Now i grew wiser… he is a typical guy with push and pull games. So curious after nc hecame to visit me and saw i was nothing new like what he left. So he was happy still celebrating his single life going out every single day etc and i was thete miserable. But time is such an amazing thing and i knew i would get back on my feet eventually cause NOTHING lasts forever. So i took decisions and massive action: decided to leave that small stupid city and that mediocre life. Bfore i left i was still in love and engaged into fwb. Didnt listen to u chris sorry!! BIG mistake guys! He used me physically and emotionally to pimp up his leo ego. And dismissing me next morning like a cheap whore. No calls for a couple weeka and then : ah i like hanging out with u, ur good friend. And the stupid girl here in love couldnt say no. So yeah i screwed the nc doing fwb. So i told him i was leaving. He was in shock. Then he wanted to spend more time together. But at the end i got fed up. Whats the point?? So i left. And did another nc. Even though i was crazy about the guy i didnt want that relationship back cause i wasnt happy with it. It took me all the strenght i didnt know i have!! I learned so much about myself! Then… i started dating his best friend which is a total different sweet person and treats me like a princess. And fell in love with my new life and this amazing city im living now. I moved on!! Im happy! So yeah his friend had to tell him. Then we get exacly the psychologic reactance chris: other kid took his toy… he went mad! Called me 3 times CRYING saying he loves me and wants me back. Sent me email. Chasing. Going nuts!!! But i moved on and i dont trust him!! I was miserable with all the crap he did to me! He abandoned me in the middle of the winter and only partying like crazy! Didnt care at all! Now i see! And i organized my life in a way that he wouldnt fit into it so i could survive this break up! And why so late??? Almost 6 months took him to see love is important? Not partying with friends? That i was the best ever and now he cant stand other girls?? Thanks a lot chris for all ur articles. Specially those about how a womans time and self respect and love is important. And if he is worth or just an ass. That helped me a lot when i was going thorugh hell. If i have tips to u girls out there? Be strong. Dont beg. Do the nc. Analyse if its worth. BE PATIENT CAUSE TIME IS IMPORTANT AND THE WORLD TURNS IN CRAZY AND UNEXPECTED WAYS. Be positive and fabulous. They always regret and come back if we dont behave as a doormat. If we are strong enough to turn the tables and surprise them with a whole different self. However ironically most of the times we moved on. But i confess my ego now is as big as the pacific ocean with all his begging after all. It took 6 months. But he came back. On his knees. And he got a NO. Thanks again chris!! And if you guys need anything im really willing to help cause ur help meant a lot to me!! xx

    Reply
  8. Unsure - 0

    Unsure

    Hi Amor or Chris,

    Not really relevant to this page but it seems to get some action. My ex’s mum has messaged me asking me to meet her for coffee on Saturday, should I?

    I followed your Ex pro system and me and my ex are in a position where we are both giving each other space because he just can’t be in a relationship right now.

    Look forward to hearing from you.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Unsure,

      did you meet up?

    • Unsure - 0

      Unsure

      Unfortunately no because I had plans with friends who I knew would not approve me meeting up with her so I had to say I was too busy. She sent me a lovely message though about how I am beautiful inside and out and how the whole family hopes me and my ex get back together in the future. If she asks me to meet her again at some point is it a good idea?
      Thanks!

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yep

  9. JoJo - 0

    JoJo

    do you advise the sex texts for after you transition to calls? Or can they be used before?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      you can use it to tease him, it’s better if it’s after the calls because that means you’ve built more rapport.

  10. Human Being - 0

    Human Being

    Hi Amor,
    Thanks a lot for your advise so far. It had been really working great… I went on several small dates with my ex after 21day NC. We were texting everyday. Most light and flirty stuff. It came to the point where he said we need to talk about what is going on between the two of us.

    But earlier today I got very emotional (unlike my normal flirty and fun self) but I was not emotional about him or the breakup. It was because I was really disappointed at my self for not performing as well at work. I mean I did not say anything to him or ask for anything from him but I told him I was really mad and disappointed at that moment and felt like I am not good any my work etc. Now that I look back I might have seemed pathetic and nothing like the UG. He cut the convo short at this point and said he had to leave and I was fine with that. Now I am wondering if showing any negative emotion very harmful? By showing any of this negative emotion I completely ruined my chances? Should I go back to a short NC again and try talking after a few days about more fun/happy things?
    Eagerly awaiting your response
    Human Being

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      as your name says, we’re human. Were allowed to feel those feelings and be negative once in a while. If he can’t accept that after several small dates, then what kind of person does he want? All happy makes a crazy right? hahaha.. ok seriously, it’s ok to be human.. just don’t be too negative all the time or burst out one time big time then you’re cool 🙂

  11. Ugh - 0

    Ugh

    Okay,so i met my ex when i was 14 and he was 16 now i am 16 and he is almost 18. We broke up in the beginning of april and i still dont know why. Since then we have been off and on and everytime afterwards he says hes done. He is saying hes done and i am “partially blocked” as i have been before. But something feels different about it this time. I have begged and given him too much of myself without making him work for it. And still i am blocked.he says he doesnt know what he wants then turns around and says hes done. Then sleeps with me. Then hes angry. I dont know what to do. He graduates tomorrow although he will still be in town for college. I bought him a simple graduatuion card. I thought about writing a simple “i wish you the best” and handing it to him at graduation (we will sing in the choir together for the last time at graduation.) Is this a good idea? And what should i do furthermore?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Ugh,

      did you give the card? you should start no contact and stick to 30 days.. don’t ever sleep with him again and aim to be more emotionally stable and independent

  12. Rebecca - 0

    Rebecca

    I have tried getting my ex back with Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro 2.0… however, I gave up. Nevertheless, I am not going to give up and I am willing to give it a try again! Its been a long time since I last texted or communicated with him ever since our summer break started. However, during the first few weeks of the holidays, I found out from one of my girlfriends telling me that he is very salty towards me – in my girlfriend’s personal theory – as I have been improving in class while he has been stagnating. She also thought that the reason he being salty towards me was that he ruined what happened between us and now he is regretting. I am not too sure as I have not heard from him… unfortunately, I found out that he recently unfollowed me on Instagram… is that a bad sign? Nevertheless, I did not take it to heart because of that.

    I really do not understand why he was being salty towards me as he called it off? And during NC, I didn’t do anything desperate like calling, texting, or anything that is supposedly related to “desperation”. But what do you think is the reason behind him being salty towards me is?

    Yesterday, the class went back to school for a short workshop during the summer break and my ex and I bumped into each other. After the workshop, the girls and I went around to comment about a leotard… and my ex came by and asked “what is the leotard for?” so i assumed he was asking someone and I didnt react to that… he asked a second time, he looked at me asking me, so I turned towards him and said I’m not sure.

    I tried getting him back but I gave up… now I am determined not to give it up and use Chris’ advice on being that ungettable girl. However, it has been a few weeks since I last texted him (except for the day before yesterday during the workshop), do you think I still have a chance of getting him back?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      I think so. Since he approached you, it means he’s open to being friendly again.

    • Rebecca - 0

      Rebecca

      Hello Amor! So I texted my first message after a long period of no contact yesterday!

      I texted: Hey Jun, I just finished having sashimi and tempura with a friend at Genki Sushi and couldn’t help remembering how much you love eating them! To be honest, it put a smile on my face. Hope you’re doing well! 🙂

      He replied immediately: I am thanks!
      Then a second text from him: Enjoy your holiday!

      I took some time to reply (about 30-45mins): I will! Thank you!
      Then a second text from me: Going in for a movie now – have a safe journey in Bali!

      I didn’t expect him to text me back, thinking I ended the conversation there and then…

      He replied me 3 mins later: Thanks 🙂

      I replied 15 mins later: talk soon! Later! 🙂

      Do you think that’s a positive response from him? Should I move onto the next step?

      I’m not too sure about how to use the part where you’re testing him in a conversation. Will the texting bible able to help me with that?

      Should I proceed to using the “remembering the good times” text?

      Since he is in Bali for a school trip with a few classmates, he would be hard to reach for 2 weeks while he’s there (as he’s stated on his Facebook post)… Should I still continue, with Chris’ advice, to text him while he’s there? What should I do?

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      the rememering text should be when you’ve already built rapport.. yeah, it would be harder to text him, since he’s also in vacation.. but you can still try.. try in a time in Bali where he might be free like night time before sleeping and then try topics that he loves.. inquire about it or tell him something about

    • Rebecca - 0

      Rebecca

      Hello Amor! Thank you for getting back to me! 😀

      So I decided to follow your advice and use the early contact messages after the first text message after NC so as to build rapport… and I’ve decided to use the curiosity text message which started off with “I have a confession to make…”

      That was two days ago… and he hasn’t replied me. Since it is on Whatsapp… the message I sent to him had one grey tick. So I figured the connection there is prettty bad..?

      However, my classmates over at Bali have been posting Snapchats and Instagram posts and using Twitter… one classmate also Whatsapped me while she’s there before she slept… so… I don’t know. I didn’t scare him off with that message did I?

      Or maybe it’s the different sort of phone he uses (since he is not using an iPhone)?

      Or maybe he’s the kind of person who wishes to not use Wifi while he tries to focus on the classes in Bali?

      But right now, I’ve just left the “I have a confession to make…” text hanging there with the one grey tick on Whatsapp… What should I do? Should I wait for him to return from Bali and continue the conversation there as soon as he replies? What do you think I should do?

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      If he’s not replying, it’s better to just wait for him to return from Bali

    • Rebecca - 0

      Rebecca

      Hey Amor!
      My ex has finally replied and… I think I screwed it up.
      We held a lovely conversation and well… I was about to end the conversation, but I decided to ask him to hang out when I come back from holidays. He hasn’t replied. I think I scared him off.

      I screwed my plan up. Is there any way that I can start over again?
      It was my mistake. Any advice?

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      just let that go..and start a different topic in your next text

  13. Confused and Needing Help! - 0

    Confused and Needing Help!

    Hello, my boyfriend of three years recently broke up with me. The reason he gave was that he wants to be independent and experience life. He says he’s confused, doesn’t know what he wants, and he doesn’t know if he wants to be tied down. He says he sill wants to be friends and hang out together. The day after he broke up with me, we spent the day together and it felt like nothing had changed. We were laughing and having fun. We have had issues in our relationship (mostly on my part) but the good times were more frequent. I am willing and wanting to change for the better.

    The other day I contacted him and asked how he was doing. He said he was really happy and he has gotten to do a lot of things like hang out with friends and hobbies. He asked about me and kept the conversation going but he didn’t really show any excitement or emotion in the text messages. He also would text almost immediately. I’m not sure what all of this means.

    I was wondering if there was still a chance to get him back. If so, what should I do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Confused and Needing help,

      stary with no contact and aim to be the ungettable girl..with no contact, he’ll have his space and a chance to miss you

  14. ConfusedCat - 0

    ConfusedCat

    Hi Chris and Amor,
    I suppose my case is unusual as me and my ex have been a non-traditional strong woman-weak man couple for the one year together. We were ofcourse the same age but I was the one with the more prestigious higher paid jobs with longer working hours. Also somehow me bring more outgoing always seemed more popular with guys etc than he has been with women (and I know he was always insecure about himself). Nevertheless this never bothered me and wasn’t an issue for me but especially towards the end of our relationship (he dumped me) this seemed to bother him as he made patronizing comments like I had too much money to spend etc. Throughout the relationship I had never really criticized or confronted him mostly because I didn’t want to somehow intimidate him/ make him feel worse about himself. Nevertheless when things got worse I did confront him about him constantly ditching me/ pushing me aside/ and going back on plans with me (this kept happening almost everyday) and his explanation was that he never liked me other than for the sex (he said that to my face like I am a prostitute! Can you believe it?) and dumped me. Ofcourse this hurt my ego and I never asked him to come back etc. I did drunk dial him twice but made some realistic sounding excuse for it the next day (like I needed driving directions as my gps wasn’t working but sorted that out). I went into NC but my ex started getting paranoid and saying he wanted to be friends and didn’t want to lose me completely so I told him we can do that but I needed time away and went into NC for 21 days (after which he started getting angry again so I stopped). I have been reading all the posts here and using them to try and re build attraction. I have been building rapport over text and did meet him twice for a coffee and then a drink (wearing red both times) and kept the interactions brief and cut the conversations short. But somehow I feel like he is trying to push me into FwB zone (he wants to meet me late at night etc. which I keep refusing and he jokingly called me a seductress. However he never showed any genuine interest in reconciling). He did indicate he wants to go on a short trip with me but ofcourse we didn’t book anything and even during our time together he was often all talk no action so I don’t believe him. Now my question is should I continue to build attraction or have a more vulnerable discussion saying I want him back (as I never said it even after he left me) or would this seem needy? I was also wondering if being the ungettable girl who is independent would actually help me? Also I get a lot of mixed signals from him which makes me think he is playing mind games. Can I still use seduction to reattact him when he clearly said he only liked me for the sex when he dumped me?

    I would really appreciate any help as I am really confused.

    Thanks
    Regards
    ConfusedCat

    Reply
  15. ConfusedCat - 0

    ConfusedCat

    Hi Chris and Amor,
    I suppose my case is unusual as me and my ex have been a non-traditional strong woman-weak man couple for the one year together. We were ofcourse the same age but I was the one with the more prestigious higher paid jobs with longer working hours. Also somehow me bring more outgoing always seemed more popular with guys etc than he has been with women (and I know he was always insecure about himself). Nevertheless this never bothered me and wasn’t an issue for me but especially towards the end of our relationship (he dumped me) this seemed to bother him as he made patronizing comments like I had too much money to spend etc. Throughout the relationship I had never really criticized or confronted him mostly because I didn’t want to somehow intimidate him/ make him feel worse about himself. Nevertheless when things got worse I did confront him about him constantly ditching me/ pushing me aside/ and going back on plans with me (this kept happening almost everyday) and his explanation was that he never liked me other than for the sex (he said that to my face like I am a prostitute! Can you believe it?) and dumped me. Ofcourse this hurt my ego and I never asked him to come back etc. I did drunk dial him twice but made some realistic sounding excuse for it the next day (like I needed driving directions as my gps wasn’t working but sorted that out). I went into NC but my ex started getting paranoid and saying he wanted to be friends and didn’t want to lose me completely so I told him we can do that but I needed time away and went into NC for 21 days (after which he started getting angry again so I stopped). I have been reading all the posts here and using them to try and re build attraction. I have been building rapport over text and did meet him twice for a coffee and then a drink (wearing red both times) and kept the interactions brief and cut the conversations short. But somehow I feel like he is trying to push me into FwB zone (he wants to meet me late at night etc. which I keep refusing and he jokingly called me a seductress. However he never showed any genuine interest in reconciling). He did indicate he wants to go on a short trip with me but ofcourse we didn’t book anything and even during our time together he was often all talk no action so I don’t believe him. Now my question is should I continue to build attraction or have a more vulnerable discussion saying I want him back (as I never said it even after he left me) or would this seem needy? I was also wondering if being the ungettable girl who is independent would actually help me? Also I get a lot of mixed signals from him which makes me think he is playing mind games. Can I still use seduction to reattact him when he clearly said he only liked me for the sex when he dumped me?

    I would really appreciate any help as I am really confused.

    Thanks
    Regards
    ConfusedCat

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Confused Cat,

      move on from him.. That’s verbal abuse.. He’s insecurity is not an excuse to treat a person that way

  16. So Confused - 0

    So Confused

    Do you have any advice on how to pull off the push/pull method if my ex typically gets a little mean when someone puts him down (even a little joking put down). He will often say something kind of mean back or neutral and take the joke too seriously, and I’m not sure how to do push/pull in this situation

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi So COnfused,

      Push pull means you’re not available always.. For example, if you went out today and he asks if you could go out again at this day, tell him you’re not available and you’ll get back with him when you check your schedule.

  17. So Confused - 0

    So Confused

    Do you have any advice on how to pull off the push/pull method if my ex typically gets a little mean when someone puts him down (even a little joking put down). He will often say something kind of mean back or neutral and take the joke too seriously, and I’m not sure how to do push/pull in this situation

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi So COnfused,

      Push pull means you’re not available always.. For example, if you went out today and he asks if you could go out again at this day, tell him you’re not available and you’ll get back with him when you check your schedule.

  18. HANIS - 0

    HANIS

    Hi Chris and team

    I just broke up with my ex last week. It was a mutual split. We’ve been together for 2+ years. The reason he broke up with me was, he felt some kind of phobia to me, he did not like me being close to his parents because he afraid if he telling me secrets, I will spill to his parents. I have never told his parents about secrets but he afraids so.

    Meanwhile, I broke up with him because he seemed to have taken me for granted, not replying text (we are on LDR, have not met for four months) seldom email me about his writings (he is a writer) and when I demand for those things, he said that I’m always complaining about him and this should be a reason why we should stop dating each other. He also cursed me with other cursing words and I felt abusive. I don’t get it. I only demand for affection and he seemed to be burden by this whole things. He used to be the most romantic person I’ve ever known for the past to years and he just changed recently. Maybe because we haven’t met for quite a long time.

    So we thought of splitting. We haven’t contact for a week (and maybe more) since the break up, and I feel like the reasons we broke up is not that strong. We still have feeling for each other and I hope he will look for me again. After break up, he deactivated his twitter account and not active on instagram. He told me before that he will not change his egoistic attitude and we won’t contact and befriend anymore.

    I am puzzled. What should I do now? I felt like contacting him again and want to get this straight. If I’m about to apply NC for a month, how will I start the conversation because I’m afraid the love spark will not there anymore and he said that he has totally moved on?

    I would be glad if you could reply to this comment. Thank you 🙂

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Hanis,

      I have to be honest, he sounds like he’s not that interested already and if you continue to talk to him, do you think that will spark it back?

  19. HANIS - 0

    HANIS

    Hi Chris and team

    I just broke up with my ex last week. It was a mutual split. We’ve been together for 2+ years. The reason he broke up with me was, he felt some kind of phobia to me, he did not like me being close to his parents because he afraid if he telling me secrets, I will spill to his parents. I have never told his parents about secrets but he afraids so.

    Meanwhile, I broke up with him because he seemed to have taken me for granted, not replying text (we are on LDR, have not met for four months) seldom email me about his writings (he is a writer) and when I demand for those things, he said that I’m always complaining about him and this should be a reason why we should stop dating each other. He also cursed me with other cursing words and I felt abusive. I don’t get it. I only demand for affection and he seemed to be burden by this whole things. He used to be the most romantic person I’ve ever known for the past to years and he just changed recently. Maybe because we haven’t met for quite a long time.

    So we thought of splitting. We haven’t contact for a week (and maybe more) since the break up, and I feel like the reasons we broke up is not that strong. We still have feeling for each other and I hope he will look for me again. After break up, he deactivated his twitter account and not active on instagram. He told me before that he will not change his egoistic attitude and we won’t contact and befriend anymore.

    I am puzzled. What should I do now? I felt like contacting him again and want to get this straight. If I’m about to apply NC for a month, how will I start the conversation because I’m afraid the love spark will not there anymore and he said that he has totally moved on?

    I would be glad if you could reply to this comment. Thank you 🙂

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Hanis,

      I have to be honest, he sounds like he’s not that interested already and if you continue to talk to him, do you think that will spark it back?

  20. Heartbroken and comfused - 0

    Heartbroken and comfused

    Hi Chris!

    I dated my boyfriend for 2 years and we just graduated college. We had a very deep connection and love. He would write me poems, was great with my family, and were so perfect for each other. We really made each other better people. 2 or so months ago, we had a fight over the future. He’s going to be in the army and has specific bases he will be sent to. Although we’d previously talked about me getting a job elsewhere and doing long distance, this fight was about our distant future. I know I was at fault for this fight because I brought up my fears about costs and living situations… We broke up for 2 days and Then got back together. Things were fine, but as the last month got closer, I felt him pulling away a bit. We didn’t constantly fight, but we were more snippity with each other. Still there were ups and downs like any relationship. Honestly, we had ended the honeymoon phase and the second year is always a little bit harder. It really was just a few months but I could tell he’d changed. We had a small fight 1.5 weeks ago (right before graduation) about why I hadn’t seen much of him lately and things escalated. I did say somethings I regret, but everything was adult and mature. After this fight he said he couldn’t see us ever working out… Then he said he wasn’t sure if he loved me anymore and insisted it had something to do with our fight in February. This is someone who treated me so well before… It was a long, painful breakup and we talked many times in person. Each time he was stuck on us breaking up. However he could never give me a reason why. He couldn’t tell me if it was he was worried about the army, graduating, starting a new life, me finding someone new, long distance struggles, etc. he just kept saying I don’t know. He didn’t know why he felt the way he had and I think he is overwhelmed and just unhappy right now. The shame of it is I could make him happy. Despite all of this, he wants to remain close and insists I was still his best friend. I regrettably slept with him the night before I left college… I thought this meant we were back on track to working things out, which is why I continued to text him everyday (3 days in a row). When I called him last night to ask how is day was, he was cold and obviously uninterested. I asked if I’d overstepped a boundary and he said kind of. He said he didn’t think sex had changed anything and he needs more space. This was too much for him. I’m just left in the dark on this one.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Heartbroken and confused,

      so the only thing clear is that you’re still broken up.. Do active no contact.. focus on yourself now and heal.. so both of you can reflect.

    • Heartbroken and confused - 0

      Heartbroken and confused

      ive started the no contact rule! But I’ve also posted snapchat stories, which he always sees. Should I stop that? My problem is I don’t know why we really broke up. He never gave a reason. I think it’s because he never saw himself doing long distance/having a gf while in the army. How do I make him see this could still work?

    • Heartbroken and confused - 0

      Heartbroken and confused

      Also during this no contact, how do I know he’s not just moving on?

    • Heartbroken and confused - 0

      Heartbroken and confused

      Just an update: he has snap chatted me a ton (all generic and nonsexual) and we did briefly text. He was a bit cold and we just talked about how we each were doing, but I stopped responding. He texted me an her later apologizing saying he was watching a movie and would talk to me the next day. Today he has snap chatted me, but not texted me. I did not return any snap chats and will ignore him if he texts me.

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it’s ok if he sees you’re snap chats during no contact, as long as it’s not for him.. it’s like posting in Facebook too.. that means you have to restart count of no contact.. It takes 66 days to make or break a habit.. so that means, it would take 66 days for him to stop thinking about you.

  21. Heartbroken and comfused - 0

    Heartbroken and comfused

    Hi Chris!

    I dated my boyfriend for 2 years and we just graduated college. We had a very deep connection and love. He would write me poems, was great with my family, and were so perfect for each other. We really made each other better people. 2 or so months ago, we had a fight over the future. He’s going to be in the army and has specific bases he will be sent to. Although we’d previously talked about me getting a job elsewhere and doing long distance, this fight was about our distant future. I know I was at fault for this fight because I brought up my fears about costs and living situations… We broke up for 2 days and Then got back together. Things were fine, but as the last month got closer, I felt him pulling away a bit. We didn’t constantly fight, but we were more snippity with each other. Still there were ups and downs like any relationship. Honestly, we had ended the honeymoon phase and the second year is always a little bit harder. It really was just a few months but I could tell he’d changed. We had a small fight 1.5 weeks ago (right before graduation) about why I hadn’t seen much of him lately and things escalated. I did say somethings I regret, but everything was adult and mature. After this fight he said he couldn’t see us ever working out… Then he said he wasn’t sure if he loved me anymore and insisted it had something to do with our fight in February. This is someone who treated me so well before… It was a long, painful breakup and we talked many times in person. Each time he was stuck on us breaking up. However he could never give me a reason why. He couldn’t tell me if it was he was worried about the army, graduating, starting a new life, me finding someone new, long distance struggles, etc. he just kept saying I don’t know. He didn’t know why he felt the way he had and I think he is overwhelmed and just unhappy right now. The shame of it is I could make him happy. Despite all of this, he wants to remain close and insists I was still his best friend. I regrettably slept with him the night before I left college… I thought this meant we were back on track to working things out, which is why I continued to text him everyday (3 days in a row). When I called him last night to ask how is day was, he was cold and obviously uninterested. I asked if I’d overstepped a boundary and he said kind of. He said he didn’t think sex had changed anything and he needs more space. This was too much for him. I’m just left in the dark on this one.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Heartbroken and confused,

      so the only thing clear is that you’re still broken up.. Do active no contact.. focus on yourself now and heal.. so both of you can reflect.

    • Heartbroken and confused - 0

      Heartbroken and confused

      ive started the no contact rule! But I’ve also posted snapchat stories, which he always sees. Should I stop that? My problem is I don’t know why we really broke up. He never gave a reason. I think it’s because he never saw himself doing long distance/having a gf while in the army. How do I make him see this could still work?

    • Heartbroken and confused - 0

      Heartbroken and confused

      Also during this no contact, how do I know he’s not just moving on?

    • Heartbroken and confused - 0

      Heartbroken and confused

      Just an update: he has snap chatted me a ton (all generic and nonsexual) and we did briefly text. He was a bit cold and we just talked about how we each were doing, but I stopped responding. He texted me an her later apologizing saying he was watching a movie and would talk to me the next day. Today he has snap chatted me, but not texted me. I did not return any snap chats and will ignore him if he texts me.

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it’s ok if he sees you’re snap chats during no contact, as long as it’s not for him.. it’s like posting in Facebook too.. that means you have to restart count of no contact.. It takes 66 days to make or break a habit.. so that means, it would take 66 days for him to stop thinking about you.

  22. jennifer - 0

    jennifer

    Here is another sucess story in progress:

    My ex (who had been really distant) and me are texting, flirting, taking interactions in general for a period of time now. First I was the only one who tried but he slowly started to contact me, too. Yesterday we met up. We watched a movie, talked about his future and cuddled. Each of us said we still like one another. He told me he slept with someone else but is still single. I said I am single, too, but I am not sure if I should trust him. Thus I did not let him sleep with me. He also said that I should better not trust him because even he does not trust himself and I will only be dissapointed.
    In july he will travel through germany for his apprenticeship as an officer in the German armed forces and won’t have much free time.
    I asked him if he didn’t have to move away of if we saw each other more often, what he would want. His response was “only time has the answer”
    He was happy when I told him I’ll text him often and come visit him. And as we said good bye he hugged me so tight and did not want to let go.

    I do not have him back yet, but I am on my way. Thank you so much for your help 🙂 You guys are awesome

    Reply
    • jennifer - 0

      jennifer

      Oh and the information on what I did:

      – 30 days active NC: I became calm, emotional stable, started thinking logical again, got my life together

      – first text: I told him about my internship in the hospital where he also once worked. I asked him if I should say hello to somebody for him. I got a positive and long response back.

      – the tide theory: Very important! I slowly made steps towards getting close again. But I made more breaks between the texting days and a slower texting progress then you recommended. At some point I thought I did not have any progress but then: BOOM! He started texting me and send me a facebook friend request, even though I was the one who deleted him.
      Right now I do not feel stupid when I send him a big heart, because I get one in return.

      – dates: Well, we are both in a paramedic aid organisation and saw each other 2-5 days a month. There I showed the best of me. We laughed in groups and worked together. One day he suddenly asked me when I would come visit him again. Then I knew it was safe to ask him out. We went to his place, watched a movie and talked.

      -push/pull theory and chase: Even though I made the most steps, showed him admiration and love, I rejected him from time to time. Most of the time it wasn’t even on purpose. He wanted to meet up, but I had a lot to do. When we were in service and I asked who wants to patrol with me, he said yes but someone else was faster than him. etc. (So I did this without even noticing it)

      – And the greatest thing: Never giving up: On many forums I saw people giving up on getting their ex back. I even met someone who was in the same situation as my ex and me. But even though I thought there was still a chance for them, they quitted. I can unerstand why, but it seems that they were not really commited to get them back. As soon as their ex said they did not love them anymore, even though they showed admiration, they collapsed an gave up.

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Thank you for sharing Jennifer! I hope you do have a happy ending with him. 🙂 And thank you for the tips!

    • jennifer - 0

      jennifer

      Even though I made a big step, I still have a huge way to go. Yesteray I got some answers from him:

      -he wants to stay friends
      -he had been distant because he has other stuff on his mind
      -he doesn’t care if I send him something sweet. He had always been like “I don’t care what other people think of me” (Yes, he’d already told me this several times. But there was a time when he cared about what I think..)
      -he was jumping from one relationship to another. But I am not “only another one”
      -when I asked him if he even wants to meet up again, he said “to be honest, I have no head for this right now”

      So till he has to move away, we probably will only see each other when we have to work together. So I will still stay friendly, text and try to flirt with him. But maybe I should stop sending him hearts or anything like that. What do you think?

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it depends on how you send it, if it’s a serious message with hearts that looks like you’re the only one pursuing him, then definitely stop it

    • jennifer - 0

      jennifer

      He got more and more distant. He wrote me he had given up on me a long time ago, has lost feelings for me and I should give up, too. The reason why he was so happy to see me was because of sex.
      The reason why he gave up is because he sees no future. We will live far away and he had several relationships which failed because of distance. I explained how it can work but he ended it with a “yea”. He then came with absurd excuses like “besides, our humour is totally different” which is so not true. I then asked him what he feels when I am with him, but he was like “I somehow can’t answer that”.

      I am about to give up. But I still see a chance. Still, I am crying every day because of all of those rejections.

  23. Lyra - 0

    Lyra

    Hi Chris and Amor,

    I have started trying to re-attract my ex boyfriend after NC by texts. I am also trying to date others as I know he is dating others too. But I think I am starting to get attached to my ex boyfriend again and don’t seem to connect with the new guys I meet. Should I go back to NC again?

    Look forward to your reply
    Lyra

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lyra,

      you don’t need to be totally into nc.. just focus more on your activities that you started when you were in nc.. lessen the texts if you must but you don’t have to totally stop him for now..

    • Lyra - 0

      Lyra

      Hi Amor,
      Thanks a lot for your advise. I will try to focus on one of my old hobbies I returned to during NC. 🙂

      I also have another question. I have been trying push/pull. But everytime I “push” my ex starts to call or text a lot on those days. Should I act busy and keep my replies brief or completely ignore him for a day like during NC?

      Thanks so much for all your help 🙂

      Cheers
      Lyra

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      actually that’s the effect of it.. he will do more because you’re doing less..don’t respond or respond later in the day

  24. Jennifer J - 0

    Jennifer J

    My ex and I have been broken up for about one month. I haven’t exactly done no contact, but absolute minimal contact. Unfortunately we’re in college, live close, and have all the same friends. But I have barely spoken to him unless it’s unavoidable and I don’t seek him out. I still have him on social media and recently he’s been “liking” a lot of my stuff… he never used to do that when we were together. I don’t respond to it. What do you think I should do? Just continue to ignore it? We had a very clean, mutual breakup. We hit a rough patch and he handled it very poorly. I tried to be there for him but he completely shut me out so things just fell apart. Thank you.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jennifer,

      Continue what you’re doing right now of how you avoid him and add activities that will improve yourself.. join other groups of friends.. or be active in what you’re currently doing.. have a make over..

  25. So Confused - 0

    So Confused

    Hi Chris and Amor,

    I’ve posted a few times before and your advice has been helpful. My ex and I broke up nearly a year ago because one of his new female friends was acting inappropriately around him and some other stuff nonrelated to our relationship got in the way as well. I did 30 days nc after we broke up and when I reached out to my ex his responses were all neutral or positive. But I got super anxious around the start of a new term and said I wanted to be together again, to which he (obviously) replied that he had moved on.

    Come the new year, I had actually improved myself, etc. After a longer nc, we started texting (he even initiated some) and I got a lot of positive responses. However, I think we’ve texted too much and he stopped replying a couple weeks ago. I’m going through a pretty busy time right now so I haven’t contacted him since he stopped texting me as I don’t want my anxiety to get the better of me again!

    My plan as of now is to reach out probably next week, build some more rapport, then go for the 3 mini dates. However, I just found out from a mutual friend that something happened in my ex’s life that may upset me. I don’t know what this thing is, but I’m thinking that maybe my ex likes another girl or something along those lines. I’m not sure what steps I should take now that I know this. Should I pretend I’ve heard nothing and just reach out again next week and ask to go out for coffee or something after more positive conversation? If this outing happens, I’m thinking of using the reverse psychology and say that I don’t want a relationship….

    Thanks!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      you can still proceed with your plan.. if it’s just a girl, that’s ok as long as they’re not together yet.. but don’t focus On that..focus on the good things right now

    • So Confused - 0

      So Confused

      Hi Amor,

      I just wanted to say thank you for your advice! If you hadn’t reminded me to just focus on the “good” I probably would have let the situation I am in bother me a lot more than it should have. Instead, I have had a productive past few days… And today, unexpectedly, after nearly three weeks of nc my ex texted me! I didn’t have to resume contact. This honestly came as a surprise, and while I’m not sure how good this is I wanted to say thank you. I think focusing on the good in any situation is a good thing to remember

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      That’s good.. it is hard but it’s not impossible… So continue doing that! 🙂

  26. HM - 0

    HM

    Hi, Chris and Team!

    Your website resonates with me more than many other websites I’ve researched this past month, so I’m turning to you for advice about a unique situation that I haven’t seen covered by the archives and new material, which I’ve pored through extensively. I’m trying to figure out how to apply the amazing research and analogies in this article, especially the push/pull effect, but again, I’m stymied because of how different my situation seems.

    1. My long term, long-distance boyfriend of four years broke up with me suddenly and unexpectedly a little over a month ago. He told me he loves me, cares about me deeply, and still thinks I’m beautiful, but he just hasn’t been happy in the last few months, that there was “too much pain and not enough joy” (because of how my mental health affects my happiness, which in turn affects him) and doesn’t want to be in a romantic relationship with me anymore. I tried to tell him that my mental health was taking a big turn for the better, but he told me it wasn’t up for negotiation.
    2. HE asked for no contact, and has blocked me on Facebook, Twitter, email, Snapchat, and taken out all mention of me on OkCupid. Since no contact is a clear boundary he set, I am working hard to respect it by not texting or contacting him in ANY way, even though all of this breaks my heart. He has not reached out to me since he broke up with me. He told me the social media blocking was for one reason only, which is that during previous heartbreaks he’s seen me project my insecurities onto new statuses and the like, and he didn’t want me to do that with him.
    3. He and I are both polyamorous, but his live-in girlfriend is emotionally monogamous. He’s been dating her as long as he’s dated me, and she is now his one big committed romantic partner. During our relationship she told me she was supportive of my relationship with him, but looking back I think she placed a lot of negative emotional pressure on him about it, whether she meant to or not.
    4. Two of my friends want to write to him at the end of the month (once Mercury goes out of retrograde – they’re real big into astrology), and I know one of them wants to tell him to break his no contact to reach out to me, and the other wants to tell him that while she knows he doesn’t owe me anything, she can see the work I’m putting in to examining my role in him feeling like our romantic relationship was strained and unsustainable and all the ways I’m committing to changing, and that she knows he and I could have a happy romantic future together.

    Chris and team, I’m crushed and unsure of what my best options are. If my boyfriend told me he’d move in with me I’d pack and fly the 3,000 miles to him in a heartbeat. We’re soul mates, truly, and this utterly blindsided me. I’m determined to get him back, whatever it takes, but I don’t know how to use Chris’ amazing approach with my situation! Parts of it apply well, but parts of it are unique. How do I get him to return to me as my boyfriend, even more devoted and committed to me and in love with me than before? How do I remove his other girlfriend from the picture? Are the emails my friends want to send in a few weeks a good idea?

    Please advise!

    Reply
  27. HM - 0

    HM

    Hi, Chris and Team!

    Your website resonates with me more than many other websites I’ve researched this past month, so I’m turning to you for advice about a unique situation that I haven’t seen covered by the archives and new material, which I’ve pored through extensively. I’m trying to figure out how to apply the amazing research and analogies in this article, especially the push/pull effect, but again, I’m stymied because of how different my situation seems.

    1. My long term, long-distance boyfriend of four years broke up with me suddenly and unexpectedly a little over a month ago. He told me he loves me, cares about me deeply, and still thinks I’m beautiful, but he just hasn’t been happy in the last few months, that there was “too much pain and not enough joy” (because of how my mental health affects my happiness, which in turn affects him) and doesn’t want to be in a romantic relationship with me anymore. I tried to tell him that my mental health was taking a big turn for the better, but he told me it wasn’t up for negotiation.
    2. HE asked for no contact, and has blocked me on Facebook, Twitter, email, Snapchat, and taken out all mention of me on OkCupid. Since no contact is a clear boundary he set, I am working hard to respect it by not texting or contacting him in ANY way, even though all of this breaks my heart. He has not reached out to me since he broke up with me. He told me the social media blocking was for one reason only, which is that during previous heartbreaks he’s seen me project my insecurities onto new statuses and the like, and he didn’t want me to do that with him.
    3. He and I are both polyamorous, but his live-in girlfriend is emotionally monogamous. He’s been dating her as long as he’s dated me, and she is now his one big committed romantic partner. During our relationship she told me she was supportive of my relationship with him, but looking back I think she placed a lot of negative emotional pressure on him about it, whether she meant to or not.
    4. Two of my friends want to write to him at the end of the month (once Mercury goes out of retrograde – they’re real big into astrology), and I know one of them wants to tell him to break his no contact to reach out to me, and the other wants to tell him that while she knows he doesn’t owe me anything, she can see the work I’m putting in to examining my role in him feeling like our romantic relationship was strained and unsustainable and all the ways I’m committing to changing, and that she knows he and I could have a happy romantic future together.

    Chris and team, I’m crushed and unsure of what my best options are. If my boyfriend told me he’d move in with me I’d pack and fly the 3,000 miles to him in a heartbeat. We’re soul mates, truly, and this utterly blindsided me. I’m determined to get him back, whatever it takes, but I don’t know how to use Chris’ amazing approach with my situation! Parts of it apply well, but parts of it are unique. How do I get him to return to me as my boyfriend, even more devoted and committed to me and in love with me than before? How do I remove his other girlfriend from the picture? Are the emails my friends want to send in a few weeks a good idea?

    Please advise!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI HM,

      I’m confused.. I’m not judging you ok? You said you’re polyamorous but if you want the other girl out of the picture that means both of you are not actually polyamorous.. because if he’s leaving you for her, that means he’s ready to commit to a monogamous relationship and you want to be monogamous with him right?

      The basics still applies to you… do nc and work on your self esteem.. if you want to stay polyamorous, you have to be more emotionally prepared for this kind of instances that somebody leaves to choose the other, because honestly for me, it’s just a matter of standards.. Her standards is for monogamy, and it looks like she has the stronger will in the two of them because if your ex is set on being polyamorous, he would leave her because she has different values..

      if you wanted to become monogamous then your improvements during nc will help for him to miss you and maybe trust you more that you can be faithful to him, even if you didn’t cheat.. it’s when he compares you to her..

    • HM - 0

      HM

      I see what you’re saying! I hope it’s okay for me to clarify a couple things:

      1. He and I are also seeing other people, it’s just that I want his live-in partner specifically (and only her!) out of the picture because she turned out to be emotionally dishonest and not a good influence on him or us. If she hadn’t acted as she had, it would be a very different story.
      2. I’m definitely doing no contact, but mostly because HE insisted on it. Is that a bad sign?
      3. When he does contact me he said it will be after he’s “healed and moved on.” Does that mean it will be too late?
      4. Is it a good idea for my friends to write to him in a few weeks to say he should give our relationship another chance?

      Thank you so much again!

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      oh ok.. I get it now.. nope, not a good idea for your friends to write him.. and to be honest, when he wanted to do no contact with you that means he’s more on her side.. she’ll probably still be jealous.. so just keep in no contact… be active in posting and do things that will help you be more emotionally rational and for him to see you’re doing better than her.. let him be for now.. and focus on yourself..

  28. Rie - 0

    Rie

    My ex and I broke up a month ago, we were only seeing each other but he treated me really well like his actual gf (reserved gorgeous hotel which costed over 200 bucks a night) but we both got out long term relationship before we started seeing each other and we both are busy with work so he told me we need to stop seeing each other and he isn’t ready for another relationship so after that we didn’t talk 2 weeks and a half and I just randomly texted him and asked him how he has been and how’s work and I immediately got texted back and we started to talk again since just last weekend we happened to be at big summer camping festival with both of our friends and we had a passion (hook up lol) weekend together even after the festival we still continue talking and he texts me more then before (he is the type of a guy doesn’t text much), we are planning to spend time together in the near future again hopefully I have a bright future with him but yet im not rushing anything with him 🙂

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Rie,

      you’re doing good in texting now, and it looks like you’re building attraction right? But you slept with him, am I right? don’t do that again, so you don’t end up being friends with benefits.

  29. Chicken - 0

    Chicken

    Hi! I absolutely love this page and find both the information and jokes amazing. Its been almost eight months since my ex and I broke up. It was over jealousy and I think we were moving too fast (dated for ten months). However a few months ago, we started texting again and he admitted that he had a new crush, he told me her name and everything but then admitted that he was jealous of my friendships with other guys, one in particular. A few weeks after that, we talked casually about his crush and just our lives until one night we both had this…closure moment and told each other how we had felt. He said that even though his new crush makes him happy, she’ll never do as well as me…except that day he was flirting with me again for the first time in months..hugging, hand holding and he even admitted he wanted to kiss me when we were alone. Unfortunately one day he instantly stopped replying and a week later he said that if I don’t talk to him in person, don’t text him at all. He’s got a new crush but I just want to give this one last go. I know him like the back of my hand and will start the NC rule tomorrow, even though we never talk in person or text anymore. I still do small gestures of politeness such as holding the door open and stuff but other than that…I don’t think I stand a chance :(((
    We’re both in 10th grade, by the way…
    Any tips?

    ~chicken

    Reply
    • Chicken - 0

      Chicken

      Update: he started texting her today…I’m starting to think that there’s no chance now 🙁

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Chicken,

      I didn’t get the end part.. you saif you don’t talk in person and don’t text but how does he hold the door open for you? and how do you talk?
      if you’re still in nc be sure to do activities that can help you excel and have a change of look, go out more with friends and be active in posting it social media

  30. Anxiety - 0

    Anxiety

    Tomorrow is my very last day of nc and I have really bad anxiety so I am really panicking about what to text my ex. Could I get a few pointers please??

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Amxiety,
      don’t text if you’re not emotionally ready.. compile interesting topics for him that he loves to talk about

  31. Anxiety - 0

    Anxiety

    Tomorrow is my very last day of nc and I have really bad anxiety so I am really panicking about what to text my ex. Could I get a few pointers please??

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Amxiety,
      don’t text if you’re not emotionally ready.. compile interesting topics for him that he loves to talk about

  32. Sally - 0

    Sally

    Hi! This article was really interesting and funny!

    I ended NC after almost two months to heal myself from depression, now im doing better! He called me asking for meet up, in that encounter he was nice like always wanting to touch, contact, hug, but we ended talking about the relationship and he said that he dont want anything (i think he was looking for friendship, cause he asked me to see me soon and help him with some things) so when i said that its gonna be difficult to be friends he kind of get sad and that day things ended good, but i feel bad later. That day he ask me what i want, “get back?!” he said…and then i just responded that “no, i don’t know, im ina process”, then he kind of said that he dont want me to be sad or cry over him.

    A week later he write me, about a friend and a re-encounter- we talked about that, they were distant and i always reccomend to make things ok with him- so we started talking fun, also he remembering and old joke of us, talking about his things, like we always did… He stills puts likes on my stuff on FB.
    A week later i texted like he did, and the same result: nice talking, funny and he also said that was really nice to talk with me, and was really great.

    Then he didnt contact me in this week, and i feel anxious about it…don’t knowing if i have to write or wait till he do it.
    What should i do?
    Im worried that he knows what i want…and don’t wanna talk to me… (i never mencioned somthing about the relationship in our chats)

    Thank U!!!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Sally,
      let him be for this week, if he doesn’t text the whole week, you can try to initiate next week.

  33. Sally - 0

    Sally

    Hi! This article was really interesting and funny!

    I ended NC after almost two months to heal myself from depression, now im doing better! He called me asking for meet up, in that encounter he was nice like always wanting to touch, contact, hug, but we ended talking about the relationship and he said that he dont want anything (i think he was looking for friendship, cause he asked me to see me soon and help him with some things) so when i said that its gonna be difficult to be friends he kind of get sad and that day things ended good, but i feel bad later. That day he ask me what i want, “get back?!” he said…and then i just responded that “no, i don’t know, im ina process”, then he kind of said that he dont want me to be sad or cry over him.

    A week later he write me, about a friend and a re-encounter- we talked about that, they were distant and i always reccomend to make things ok with him- so we started talking fun, also he remembering and old joke of us, talking about his things, like we always did… He stills puts likes on my stuff on FB.
    A week later i texted like he did, and the same result: nice talking, funny and he also said that was really nice to talk with me, and was really great.

    Then he didnt contact me in this week, and i feel anxious about it…don’t knowing if i have to write or wait till he do it.
    What should i do?
    Im worried that he knows what i want…and don’t wanna talk to me… (i never mencioned somthing about the relationship in our chats)

    Thank U!!!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Sally,
      let him be for this week, if he doesn’t text the whole week, you can try to initiate next week.

  34. Reshma - 0

    Reshma

    Great article! I love the way you explain your method of the theorie you put out there. I think it is one of or perhaps even your best work ever! I would say stick with this. That is, what you know and what you can substantiate with research about the underlying psychological mechanisms in relationships, instead of hair and clothing tips that any girl friends can give. This is what makes your website unique.

    If you find the time I would very much like to read more about your take on the whole introverted versus extraverted types of men when it comes to the different theories and advice you give out. That article was also very good and I was wondering how perhaps the madonna-whore theory and the God theory would relate to those different types of men.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      Chris Seiter

      Thanks so much for this comment.

      Totally made my day!

      Can you be more specific regarding the MW theory and introverts and extroverts. I’d like to answer you here.

    • Reshma - 0

      Reshma

      Your welcome! And thank you for responding, I truly respect your work.
      I was just wondering if the whore approach is always preferred over the madonna approach. Like perhaps if you came out of a friends with benefits kind of situation?
      Also If I remember correctly introverts respond better to stable and trustworthy women. Those seem more like madonna type traits. Or am I missing the point? I mean I get that the main point is that you should not cater to every need. However, in a way the madonna type seem like a person who receives more respect than a whore type. But perhaps its just the names that might sound confusing. The less bright ones among us might think you are advicing them to dance on tables hahha

      Thank you for your time!

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Reshma,

      I know you would wnt Chris’ reply, so, I’ll forward your last comment to him

  35. Reshma - 0

    Reshma

    Great article! I love the way you explain your method of the theorie you put out there. I think it is one of or perhaps even your best work ever! I would say stick with this. That is, what you know and what you can substantiate with research about the underlying psychological mechanisms in relationships, instead of hair and clothing tips that any girl friends can give. This is what makes your website unique.

    If you find the time I would very much like to read more about your take on the whole introverted versus extraverted types of men when it comes to the different theories and advice you give out. That article was also very good and I was wondering how perhaps the madonna-whore theory and the God theory would relate to those different types of men.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      Chris Seiter

      Thanks so much for this comment.

      Totally made my day!

      Can you be more specific regarding the MW theory and introverts and extroverts. I’d like to answer you here.

    • Reshma - 0

      Reshma

      Your welcome! And thank you for responding, I truly respect your work.
      I was just wondering if the whore approach is always preferred over the madonna approach. Like perhaps if you came out of a friends with benefits kind of situation?
      Also If I remember correctly introverts respond better to stable and trustworthy women. Those seem more like madonna type traits. Or am I missing the point? I mean I get that the main point is that you should not cater to every need. However, in a way the madonna type seem like a person who receives more respect than a whore type. But perhaps its just the names that might sound confusing. The less bright ones among us might think you are advicing them to dance on tables hahha

      Thank you for your time!

  36. Serra - 0

    Serra

    Hi!
    We really had a great relationship with my boyfriend until we started too much arguing a month ago or so. I had felt that he was pulling back so I was constantly nagging him then we sort of had a fight and he told me he needed time to himself. I respected that and didn’t contact him for a week. Then he asked to meet up and when we did, he told me that he was disappointed in our relationship, had lost some of his feelings but he didn’t want to lose me so he offered to take a break. Now, I don’t believe in taking breaks from a relationship so I told him I could really work on the relationship and we could both correct our mistakes and he told me he had no energy left to do so right now he just needed time but didn’t want to end it all. I didn’t want to put myself in a desperate situation like that so I told him I was breaking up. So, I’m not even sure who ended this relationship or is it really over or not? That happened a week ago. I went into no contact right away and he didn’t contact me either. He hasn’t asked to get his stuff back from my house and he hasn’t taken our photos off the social media. I’m kind of in a mess and so confused about all this. I really want him to come back and put an effort to our relationship. What should I do? Is there any hope out there? Thank you.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Serra,

      finish no contact first.. take it like a break from everything so that both if you can breathe

  37. Serra - 0

    Serra

    Hi!
    We really had a great relationship with my boyfriend until we started too much arguing a month ago or so. I had felt that he was pulling back so I was constantly nagging him then we sort of had a fight and he told me he needed time to himself. I respected that and didn’t contact him for a week. Then he asked to meet up and when we did, he told me that he was disappointed in our relationship, had lost some of his feelings but he didn’t want to lose me so he offered to take a break. Now, I don’t believe in taking breaks from a relationship so I told him I could really work on the relationship and we could both correct our mistakes and he told me he had no energy left to do so right now he just needed time but didn’t want to end it all. I didn’t want to put myself in a desperate situation like that so I told him I was breaking up. So, I’m not even sure who ended this relationship or is it really over or not? That happened a week ago. I went into no contact right away and he didn’t contact me either. He hasn’t asked to get his stuff back from my house and he hasn’t taken our photos off the social media. I’m kind of in a mess and so confused about all this. I really want him to come back and put an effort to our relationship. What should I do? Is there any hope out there? Thank you.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Serra,

      finish no contact first.. take it like a break from everything so that both if you can breathe

  38. Questioning - 0

    Questioning

    Hey Chris, really enjoy these articles. I have a question though, can you make an article on what to do after you “ghost” a conversation at its highest peak when using the push/pull theory? For ex. I call my ex and I just hang up on him at our climax and then I shut off my phone so I pretend my phone died. But continuing after that, I feel really awkward on how I should proceed because what other things can I do other than waiting until the next morning and popping in a “sorry my phone died!” that would be way more effective? Maybe can you please give me some pointers in this comment and maybe write an article on it later? 🙂

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      thank you for your suggestion! you can try to just end the convo politely next time by saying you need to go because of what you are doing or where you’re going..

  39. Questioning - 0

    Questioning

    Hey Chris, really enjoy these articles. I have a question though, can you make an article on what to do after you “ghost” a conversation at its highest peak when using the push/pull theory? For ex. I call my ex and I just hang up on him at our climax and then I shut off my phone so I pretend my phone died. But continuing after that, I feel really awkward on how I should proceed because what other things can I do other than waiting until the next morning and popping in a “sorry my phone died!” that would be way more effective? Maybe can you please give me some pointers in this comment and maybe write an article on it later? 🙂

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      thank you for your suggestion! you can try to just end the convo politely next time by saying you need to go because of what you are doing or where you’re going..

  40. Rhonda - 0

    Rhonda

    Hi Chris,

    OK let me start off by saying I have already messed up. I became friends with benefits with my ex and he seems to be getting closer and still falling in love with his rebound girl. We have a daughter together and after he got angry at me for a social media picture of him and his daughter saying how his girlfriend wouldn’t like that, we had harsh exchange of words (as always) and I made it seem I don’t want him back. Now, I want to implement the Minimum Contact where he only messages me about his daughter and I have ignored him (which is one of my strengths, ignoring people) and he messaged me after 2 days. I keep our communication simple. I have even banned him from my house, he should meet me in public settings to see his daughter. I actually know he doesn’t value me and believes he has a hold on me but Chris I MUST take back the power. Any tips on this messy situation?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      H Rhonda,
      you’re already doing it by stopping to sleep with him and improving yourself during minimal contact.. just continue on with that..

  41. Rhonda - 0

    Rhonda

    Hi Chris,

    OK let me start off by saying I have already messed up. I became friends with benefits with my ex and he seems to be getting closer and still falling in love with his rebound girl. We have a daughter together and after he got angry at me for a social media picture of him and his daughter saying how his girlfriend wouldn’t like that, we had harsh exchange of words (as always) and I made it seem I don’t want him back. Now, I want to implement the Minimum Contact where he only messages me about his daughter and I have ignored him (which is one of my strengths, ignoring people) and he messaged me after 2 days. I keep our communication simple. I have even banned him from my house, he should meet me in public settings to see his daughter. I actually know he doesn’t value me and believes he has a hold on me but Chris I MUST take back the power. Any tips on this messy situation?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      H Rhonda,
      you’re already doing it by stopping to sleep with him and improving yourself during minimal contact.. just continue on with that..

  42. emily - 0

    emily

    Bits and pieces of this are in other threads but here is my recent dilemma…We were together of 7 months. He ended things in February. I did NC (he did not text me but he liked multiple things on my social media). I initiated first contact as your book suggests. 2 texts (First contact and ended the conversation on a high note.) He texted me several hours later that night. I initiated several days later, talking about an event in the city we were both going to, he even said “hopefully I’ll see you.” The day of the event we ended up texting a little bit, but were not in the same place to meet up, I ended the conversation saying to have a good rest of the day/night. I woke up to two texts saying “Where are you?” an hour later “Are you awake?” These were late Friday night drunk texts from him. We texted Saturday for 5 hours, even getting flirty and a bit sexual. At times it felt like either of us could have asked to meet up, but we did not. I ended the conversation saying I was going out with friends to dinner. He did text me later that night to ask how my night was but I was asleep. Sunday I texted back, we exchanged a few texts and then all of the sudden he just stopped responding to me. When the weekend came around he went to South Carolina on vacation with his family (which he invited me to go with him while we were together). Friday night again at 1230 AM, he sent me a message ‘Come to South Carolina.” I figured he was drunk and decided to wait until he got back to ask him how the trip was to which he did not respond to me.

    What is with the drunk texting? Is he playing games/using push/pull on me? Does he just want to hook up? But then why would he message me when he was 5 states away when clearly we weren’t going to meet up that night? I am very confused he was so positive during the first week of texting after no contact. I feel like I was making progress, but is this now a lost cause? Should I do no contact again or just give up?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Emily,

      since he’s flirty with you take it as a good sign.. but still take things slow, don’t rely on his drunk texts..

    • emily - 0

      emily

      It has been 2 weeks since his last drunk message. I sent a text several days later asking how his trip was which I’ve gotten no response. Should I keep no contact until he reached out to me? I don’t want to be a gnat.

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yeah that’s ok if you want him to text you first

    • emily - 0

      emily

      I know that sleeping with an ex in a horrible mistake someone can make when trying to get them back. What if he wants to meet up on a weekend night after a night out. I know I would want to go even to just talk to him and see him but would try to avoid having sex with him. Is sleeping over without having sex just as bad as a mistake? If he does drunk text asking to meet up, should I just tell him we should talk the next day or not respond at all?

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it’s a drunk text, so it’s ok if you don’t respond.. and if you sleep over without sex, you would probably just send mixed signals at him.. if he wants to meet after a night out, stay outside..

    • emily - 0

      emily

      It’s been 3 weeks since I sent the last text that he has not responded to. I am focusing on getting to 30 days of NC again. I’m feeling lost and confused and anxious that we texted for 2 weeks and now he has just stopped responding. I wish I could just ask “What the heck?” but I know I can’t. I have refrained from any drunk texting initiated by me. He has been to a couple of weddings the past few weeks and I have not seen him in pictures with a date. I don’t even know how to go about initiating contact after another no contact period.

  43. emily - 0

    emily

    Bits and pieces of this are in other threads but here is my recent dilemma…We were together of 7 months. He ended things in February. I did NC (he did not text me but he liked multiple things on my social media). I initiated first contact as your book suggests. 2 texts (First contact and ended the conversation on a high note.) He texted me several hours later that night. I initiated several days later, talking about an event in the city we were both going to, he even said “hopefully I’ll see you.” The day of the event we ended up texting a little bit, but were not in the same place to meet up, I ended the conversation saying to have a good rest of the day/night. I woke up to two texts saying “Where are you?” an hour later “Are you awake?” These were late Friday night drunk texts from him. We texted Saturday for 5 hours, even getting flirty and a bit sexual. At times it felt like either of us could have asked to meet up, but we did not. I ended the conversation saying I was going out with friends to dinner. He did text me later that night to ask how my night was but I was asleep. Sunday I texted back, we exchanged a few texts and then all of the sudden he just stopped responding to me. When the weekend came around he went to South Carolina on vacation with his family (which he invited me to go with him while we were together). Friday night again at 1230 AM, he sent me a message ‘Come to South Carolina.” I figured he was drunk and decided to wait until he got back to ask him how the trip was to which he did not respond to me.

    What is with the drunk texting? Is he playing games/using push/pull on me? Does he just want to hook up? But then why would he message me when he was 5 states away when clearly we weren’t going to meet up that night? I am very confused he was so positive during the first week of texting after no contact. I feel like I was making progress, but is this now a lost cause? Should I do no contact again or just give up?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Emily,

      since he’s flirty with you take it as a good sign.. but still take things slow, don’t rely on his drunk texts..

    • emily - 0

      emily

      It has been 2 weeks since his last drunk message. I sent a text several days later asking how his trip was which I’ve gotten no response. Should I keep no contact until he reached out to me? I don’t want to be a gnat.

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yeah that’s ok if you want him to text you first

    • emily - 0

      emily

      I know that sleeping with an ex in a horrible mistake someone can make when trying to get them back. What if he wants to meet up on a weekend night after a night out. I know I would want to go even to just talk to him and see him but would try to avoid having sex with him. Is sleeping over without having sex just as bad as a mistake? If he does drunk text asking to meet up, should I just tell him we should talk the next day or not respond at all?

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it’s a drunk text, so it’s ok if you don’t respond.. and if you sleep over without sex, you would probably just send mixed signals at him.. if he wants to meet after a night out, stay outside..

    • emily - 0

      emily

      It’s been 3 weeks since I sent the last text that he has not responded to. I am focusing on getting to 30 days of NC again. I’m feeling lost and confused and anxious that we texted for 2 weeks and now he has just stopped responding. I wish I could just ask “What the heck?” but I know I can’t. I have refrained from any drunk texting initiated by me. He has been to a couple of weddings the past few weeks and I have not seen him in pictures with a date. I don’t even know how to go about initiating contact after another no contact period.

  44. Amy - 0

    Amy

    Hi Chris! I’m only a few days away from finishing the 30 day nc and I plan to follow your advice on the texting and the ride theory and then the phone calls then hopefully in person (seriously, I’ve read wayyy too many articles haha). The only problem is I have heard NOTHING from him since I began the nc, I know know he is a stubborn person but should I be concerned?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Amy,

      it’s still ok to initiate even if he didn’t contact you.. nope, maybe he just doesn’t know what to say and how to say it.

  45. Amy - 0

    Amy

    Hi Chris! I’m only a few days away from finishing the 30 day nc and I plan to follow your advice on the texting and the ride theory and then the phone calls then hopefully in person (seriously, I’ve read wayyy too many articles haha). The only problem is I have heard NOTHING from him since I began the nc, I know know he is a stubborn person but should I be concerned?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Amy,

      it’s still ok to initiate even if he didn’t contact you.. nope, maybe he just doesn’t know what to say and how to say it.

  46. Carrie Jay - 0

    Carrie Jay

    Me and my boyfriend were in a huge on off relationship. The first time we broke up, I immediately initiated the no contact rule after being clingy and it worked. However, after this we have gone through multiple phases of being broken up, friends, friends with benefits and going out again. This was what it was like every time we broke up so this has happened about 5 times. Each time, he has broken up with me, making me want him even more.
    Yesterday, he broke up with me after we had a small relationship and today, he has been more interested in a girl and he started doing sexual stuff with her even though they arent going out. After that, he asked her out and she gave an answer that was clear so right now, he is trying to get her attention and is asking her out again. She doesn’t sound very interested according to what my ex is saying but he is still trying. I am friends with my ex and he can tell that I am jealous. However, I realised that just yesterday, he was saying negative things about the girl and didn’t seem interested in her, other than her body. Now, he has mentioned lots about this girl and he keeps joking about loving me. For example, he says ‘love you! JK!’ and he knows that I like him. I want him back but it will be so difficult since I’m friends with him and I really don’t know what to do. He hardly ever tells me why he broke up with me either, he usually says that I have had too many chances.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      Chris Seiter

      I think the biggest issue looking at your situation is the fact that you aren’t really doing a great job of the push/pull thing that I was talking about in this article.

  47. Carrie Jay - 0

    Carrie Jay

    Me and my boyfriend were in a huge on off relationship. The first time we broke up, I immediately initiated the no contact rule after being clingy and it worked. However, after this we have gone through multiple phases of being broken up, friends, friends with benefits and going out again. This was what it was like every time we broke up so this has happened about 5 times. Each time, he has broken up with me, making me want him even more.
    Yesterday, he broke up with me after we had a small relationship and today, he has been more interested in a girl and he started doing sexual stuff with her even though they arent going out. After that, he asked her out and she gave an answer that was clear so right now, he is trying to get her attention and is asking her out again. She doesn’t sound very interested according to what my ex is saying but he is still trying. I am friends with my ex and he can tell that I am jealous. However, I realised that just yesterday, he was saying negative things about the girl and didn’t seem interested in her, other than her body. Now, he has mentioned lots about this girl and he keeps joking about loving me. For example, he says ‘love you! JK!’ and he knows that I like him. I want him back but it will be so difficult since I’m friends with him and I really don’t know what to do. He hardly ever tells me why he broke up with me either, he usually says that I have had too many chances.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      Chris Seiter

      I think the biggest issue looking at your situation is the fact that you aren’t really doing a great job of the push/pull thing that I was talking about in this article.

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