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5,879 thoughts on “How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup”

  1. Avatar

    Kim

    April 27, 2020 at 2:01 pm

    We broke up last month n i am the one who broke up with him because he said that his heart already for someone else..but day by day he text me,i ask him to reconsider about leaving me..he send video that he miss me and ask my apologies..i didnt respond because im in no contact for a month..now he delete my number coz i cant see his profile picture and whatsapp story..what hould i do? Plssss

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 2, 2020 at 4:14 pm

      Hi Kim, continue with your NC for 45 days in total while you work on your Holy Trinity

  2. Avatar

    Ariko

    April 24, 2020 at 3:52 pm

    Last month my bf and I broke up.And I begged him alot on that day.But hesaid he doesn’tove me anymore and leave him alone.No matter how much I begged,he didn’t accept me.The next day I watched how to get your ex bf videos and found out about no contact rule.And I just started it.i still miss him everyday and I sti want him back.I really love him and so is he.But becuase I didn’t care for him sometime I guess he felt really upset about it.I know my fault and I ‘m willing to change it too.I’ve done No contact for 30 days..and no what should I do? I kinda scare to send him text becuase I don’t want him to be annoyed me.But still I really want to talk with him and get back with him.What should I do now? Am I ok to send him message?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 24, 2020 at 8:29 pm

      Hi Ariko yes you can start the texting phase now, but be sure to follow Chris advice on how to speak with your ex

  3. Avatar

    Amy Roddick

    April 13, 2020 at 7:41 pm

    my boyfriend and i broke up exactly one week ago today. he told me we fought a lot and then bad started out weighing the good and he was unhappy. we have talked since off and on mostly him messaging me and then one day i told him to stop. my friend also messaged him saying to give me dove and he got angry at her. after 24 hours of no contact i messaged him again saying that where i stood was that i believed we could fix things but i understand his choice i want him to be happy. we had a nice chat and he told me he did miss me. he said since we broke up he’s been really happy even with the break up taking a toll on him but he also said he feels like he’s missing a piece if him right now. he told me he reflects on the good memories when he feels like that. but i also know even though he is doing that he is still thinking of all the bad times. he still calls me my nickname “ames” pretty much every time we talk. and he has said he doesn’t want to be with anyone else either and it will take him a long time to be ready for another relationship. after that chat today we haven’t spoke since. to me it sounds like he’s happy because we haven’t fought but i can’t tell if he is regretting breaking up or not because he says he feels like a piece of him is gone too. we are still on good terms and i have him on most social media. i took him off snap chat and was planning to add him back in a few weeks or a month or so. do you have any advice? i feel like it all happened so quick and maybe he needs his space to realize that.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 23, 2020 at 3:14 pm

      Hi Amy, I think it is important that you follow NC to give him time to miss you and remember your good times together and he will think about the negative less and less. In the mean time you need to work on yourself and your Holy Trinity, try to work out why you both felt the need to argue and fall out often too. Was it a communication problem or are there any issues such as trust

  4. Avatar

    Jenna

    April 4, 2020 at 8:32 pm

    Hi,
    My boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me because he “wanted to do his own thing” and doesn’t want a relationship with anyone right now. He said he was feeling like he didn’t see a future with me for the past two months but I didn’t feel that way at all. He said he fears trying again right now because he doesn’t want this to happen again. This happened out of the blue at the beginning of march. He reached out to me a week ago and told me he was still thinking of me. We talked for a week and then he told me he doesn’t want a relationship but he doesn’t want me to not contact him because he loves and cares about me. I can’t just be friends with him. I soon found out he has hung out with a girl 3 times since our breakup. this girl is from our past. she gave him her number about a year ago while he was working. He says he hasn’t done anything with her besides hug. Is he just hanging out with her because he feels like he can do whatever he wants now? He is also pulling away from his family and is showing symptoms of depression. I really want him back. I’ve always thought he was the one and we were recently talking about marriage and we have a trip planned in June and in 2021. What do I do. We did everything together we started dating at 15 and we are both almost 20.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 9, 2020 at 11:04 pm

      Hi Jenna, it is difficult but you need to give him the impression you are doing just great without him in your life, it may feel like he does not notice but he will. Starting with a No Contact where you do not reply to anything he sends you, ignore phone calls etc. And do not watch his activity on any social media platforms. You then work on your Holy Trinity, you can read about this on this website. And then plan your first text from the information Chris has given about how to start the texting phase

  5. Avatar

    Anna

    April 2, 2020 at 2:17 am

    Hello first of all it is an amazing article congratulations!!!
    I was in a relatioship at 2019 and we broke up because he wanted to be with his ex. I did the nc rule and he called me after some months and texted me.
    at february 2020 they broke up because she said that she cant wait for him to come back (he is military) and they broke up. two days later he texted me and we got back together . 2 days ago his ex sent me a screenshot that they were talking and he told me that he is now military and he is confused he doesnt know what to choose me or her. Today i was talking to him like a therapist (big mistake i know) and he told me he will text me again sometime.. He follows me in every social media. He will come back to our city at July. Should i keep contact or call him sometime to see how he is? i dont want him to forget me..

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 9, 2020 at 8:57 pm

      Hi Anna, I would suggest that you work the Ungettable information so that you can show your ex is going to lose you if he doesnt make a decision. If he does get back with his ex you need to do a 45 day NC and then follow the being there method

  6. Avatar

    Lisa

    April 1, 2020 at 8:47 pm

    How long do I need to do the no contact rule?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 2, 2020 at 3:55 pm

      Hi Lisa the length of your No Contact depends on a few factors, read some articles about the No Contact and then you can decide the length, the average however is 30 days

  7. Avatar

    Joyce

    March 27, 2020 at 6:27 am

    Hi,

    My bf and I had been together for almost 3 yrs. Last Jan. 2020, we had a fight cause he went drinking with his friends. I got jealous with his time invested on his friends and I felt like he was prioritizing them. When I got mad at him, he told me that he’s had enough and wants to break up with me. I was surprised, I said sorry, I cried a lot, told him that I would never do it again and begged him not to leave me. He said he needed space, but still I made a lot of effort like giving him gifts and surprising him. But he wasn’t convinced. However, that time we still see each other twice a week since we’re both attending the same church. Whenever I see him, I would always cry and beg until I learned not to text/call him. I thought we’re on the verge of getting back to normal because on the following weeks, whenever we go to church, we’re talking like how we used to, but still no text/calls. We were only talking whenever we see each other personally. Until all of a sudden, he asked me not to see him anymore, which means he requested me not to attend the church with him. When we talked about it, I cried and told him no, I will not do that. But after I’ve known about the No Contact Rule, I decided to try it. I’ve been to no contact since March 8, and I also stopped going to his church. Right now, it’s so hard for me to stay in no contact due to quarantine, which makes me worried about him. It hurts a lot cause he said he prayed for me, yet he left me. I just hope he would give me a chance cause I know that I can really change and it was a lesson learned for me. I already know my mistakes. Can you please give me an advice on how to make him forgive me, and give our relationship a second chance?
    Thank you so much!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 30, 2020 at 11:32 pm

      Hi Joyce, so with EBR we say that you need to do a No Contact to almost reset things, you need that time apart for them to have space, time and able to forget the negative sides to why you broke up. You have that time to recreate the image you want your ex to have of you, this is why we work the Holy Trinity, health wealth and relationships (friends and family) I would suggest that for time being you focus on this and then after 30 or 45 days depending on how ready you feel. Reach out with a text that Chris suggests, short, positive and you end it first.

  8. Avatar

    Katharine

    March 26, 2020 at 10:41 pm

    I am a 40 year old woman who dated a man 3 months ago. He started acting a little different after I said I love you at about 4 weeks. I had an amazing time with him and saw him often. He fits my ideal. But after I said those 3 words he first said and acted like it was the most beautiful thing. He then said it was too soon to be saying that. I admit it was, but at 40 I have learned what my heart feels and learned who is it is not right for me. When he acted different it made me so uncomfortable that I told him I need space because I was unhappy with how things were going. He considered it breaking up and said I ended it with him. I tried to get him to come back, but he said he couldn’t just get back in the relationship right away after I ended things. He said I should have talked to him instead of texting him that I wanted space. I admit he is right. We really texted too much and that seemed to cause problems and lack of understanding a lot.

    He wanted to be friends and I reciprocated though it was very hard one me. I know that he would get upset when I asked if he minded if it hurt him if I go on a date. Or when I said maybe I should move on. When he would mention it later it was clear that he was upset about it l, but he tried to act like it doesn’t affect him. One day in person (which was the last time I saw him) I could see the hurt in his eyes when I said I needed to move on and date. When I asked, in person, why he wants to be friends he said he doesn’t want to lose me then walked to another part of the house to be alone a few minutes.

    Now that I think about it maybe he felt like I was giving mixed messages despite me continuing to say that I thought we should be together and that I made a mistake. I know that when we were together and now that he cares about me a great deal. And when we were together he was excited and liked me a lot.

    Despite all of this he kept stressing friendship. However, he won’t date anyone else either (at least so far). He first said we’ll be friends and take it from there. But weeks later he told me that he will help me with my future pursuits as a friend, we are best friends, and says a friendship could be even better than a relationship. He said that he will be in my life forever!

    But he is still adamant about just being a close friend. A few nights ago we spoke on the phone. The next day, I told him by text that I felt very close to him when I was on the phone with him. He kept pressing for me to elaborate more and more. I told him that I had experienced more than platonic feelings. He said it’s cool. But I was feeling vulnerable and rejected. I told him that being his friend hurts too much and that he is a constant reminder that he doesn’t want more than friendship with me. He said he shouldn’t text me so much. So, we agreed to stop contacting each other. I do feel like I need to get some distance from him so that I can heal from the rejection of him not wanting to get back together. But I am not wanting to completely let him go. I also don’t want to just be his friend.

    I think that being friends will not get me what I ultimately want. At the same time, I don’t know what the best thing I can do is to get him wanting a relationship again.

  9. Avatar

    Guy

    March 21, 2020 at 6:02 pm

    Hi, my girlfriend and I broke up about 4 weeks ago after about 18 months together. We broke up because I was going through some mental health and work issues and didn’t reciprocate her love as I should have. She just lost patience. I love her dearly and want her back. We initially only lasted 2 days of no contact. We began to see each other frequently such as dinner, movies, shopping trips. I thought things were going great. Yesterday she informed me that she just started talking to someone new. She said that she can’t give me another chance because she hasn’t fully forgiven me. She offered being friends and seeing if it grows from there. She has said I have no chance right now and that things would end immediately if we tried again now. It doesn’t sound like she’s ruled out the future stating that things grow from friendships. Do I have a chance if I reset and fully complete the no contact period? I took your quiz and it said above average but Im on day 1 of this new journey and could use some advice digesting this situation.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 29, 2020 at 10:23 pm

      Hi Guy, so yeah following the program is going ot give you, your best chance at getting her back. You do not want to be put in the friendzone as you are then going to have to work to get out of that too. Complete a No Contact period and then start the texting phase. Do not go out to dinner etc and friend date her too soon. You need to get her to start missing you and wanting to see you. Get her investing time into you

  10. Avatar

    Laura

    March 5, 2020 at 5:22 pm

    Hi, so my situation real quick… we were together for 2 great years. I was starting to get worried because we don’t know if we will end up in the same city next year. Mutually broke up 1.5 months ago, but I worked really hard on myself and now know how important he is to me. I told him that and that I don’t need him but I want him in my life but he cried and said he is too emotionally exhausted and he couldn’t be with me. Sooo now Im trying to get him to miss me by traveling and taking good pictures and just being happy. I am 11 days into no contact again and I’m trying to decide what cards to play. I am going to Chicago for st. patricks with a bunch of our mutual friends who chose me in the break up. I don’t want to make him feel sad that he doesn’t have anyone to be with and his other best friend is in Chicago. Should I break no contact and ask him if he wants a ride to Chicago so he can hang out with his friend (not the people I will be hanging with)? Or would it be better if he did feel that sadness and loneliness from seeing all of his friends and me having fun together? I just want him to be happy and it makes me sad thinking that something I do will make him sad. I know I should be selfish because he’s fine without me in his life. He’ll probably say no anyway because he studies hard but should I offer and then when he says no, he will be jealous that he wasn’t there, but at least I offered? I’ve got a week to decide but I would appreciate any help! Thanks!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 18, 2020 at 1:51 am

      Hi Laura as you are only in 11 days NC you do not invite him to anything you do not reach out at all. You need to complete 30 days total working on yourself and then reaching out with a text, where you do not ask for a meet up you just have a short positive conversation and then from there build it up through the value chain

  11. Avatar

    Gwen

    March 4, 2020 at 3:44 pm

    Hi,
    It’s been 2 weeks since we broke up. He is now entertaining another girl. Will he be able to miss me? What can I do to get him back, even if he is pursuing other girl now?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 7, 2020 at 8:15 pm

      Hi Gwen as he has moved on so quickly I would say that he was in a rebound relationship and yes he would miss you still but hes just distracting himself. Read about the being there method if he does get into a relationship with this new person. But again I think its just a rebound to distract himself from the break up

  12. Avatar

    Madison K

    February 28, 2020 at 3:49 pm

    Hi there. I have been dating my boyfriend for 8 1/2 months. He is 39 and I am 23.. we met at work. We both had a strong connection from the beginning and love/serious relationship quickly took place. Throughout our 9 months we have had issues with conflict. We continuously fought for this reason or that, at first surrounding him controlling me. I learned he is bipolar and he started therapy to save our relationship. This was back in October. We still were fighting over little things that we realized were silly fights only after things truly escalated. And I mean REALLY escalating. He has told me before he has a way of self-sabotaging himself away from happiness which he does in fights where he leaves the apartment, says things he doesn’t mean, says mean things, and tries to end the relationship. Back in December we had a big fight and it ended with me slapping him. He called the cops on me and we took two days to calm down and we came together to talk and he wanted to keep trying. So we did. But I will admit he was becoming more and more detached, his intimacy level went way down and in fact became incredibly depressed. We were supposed to move in together in March (all of my clothes and things were already at his place and I hadn’t spent a night away from him in 6 months) but he was rethinking this. He aggressively defended not moving in together and not moving forward. His therapy sessions made him revisit this and in late January we discussed moving in and we decided it was a great idea. After all we had got a puppy together in November after he had an explosion with his family (those relationships are in turmoil as well). We had an awesome couple of weeks and Valentine’s weekend. He left for a business trip last week and when he came back he didn’t come home (stayed in a hotel without telling me he was doing so) because he didn’t want to come home to me— he thought we were going to fight because he wasn’t texting me kind and I told him I didn’t like his tone. So the next day he came home and we worked things out. We had an AMAZING day together and went out and had some dinner, wine and cocktails. We discussed our wedding one day and the next holiday season with our families. The ride home was flirtatious and frisky. Then I accidentally dinged his car door when we parked and I was getting out. Immediate explosion. When we got into the apartment he demanded I call my mom and tell her everything he was saying (I did because as I said we had been drinking and I did it in a sassy way)— I left to walk the dog and came back. When I came back he started throwing my things down the hallway and screaming at me. The neighbors called the cops because of the loud noise. Again I didn’t spend the night there. The next day, this past Sunday, I went to his place in the morning to chat, he said we were done and again got raging mad, said I was evil, glad he never married me, and all sorts of things. I ended up talking to his parents for 2 hours and they said they had been worried about him for years. Sunday night we chatted on the phone and he took ownership for a lot of the fight and that he was going to go on anti-depressants, up therapy and work on himself. But at the same time he wanted to work on us, do couples therapy like I had suggested before. He said he wanted the night to be alone and I said ok and that we would talk tomorrow. I said I love you over text before bed without a text back. The next day I heard nothing from him.. no communication. Tuesday I showed up to his place in the morning because I had no work clothes or shower items. I knocked on the door and he wouldn’t open it and told me this conversation was over and I needed to leave. I was confused after the conversation we had sunday. He said over text he wasn’t trying to be unkind but was uncomfortable with me in his house and feared for his safety. He dropped off a ton of my things that night but he wasn’t in the mood to talk. He said he was empty and after reflecting he just thinks our fighting is cyclical and won’t change. He hugged me but we didn’t kiss. He said that maybe in 1-3 months he would be open to talking about out history but just needed space. He said we were done though. My mom reached out to him to see if he was ok and he gave her quick and pleasant responses (nothing about me) and his parents have texted me saying it’s best we spend some time apart. I want him back. He is in a low point in life but our relationship struggles through his short temper and depression (he has had his whole life). Finally he is taking care of his mental health which I believe we will be back on track from it. At first I think I was too much for him, in that I didn’t recognize the mental issues at first and kept asking what was wrong, pushed intimacy and was too hands on. How do I go about getting him back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 6, 2020 at 10:42 pm

      Hi Madison, so I would say that the first thing you need to do if you want this person back is understand what the condition is and how it works, and also research how it is to be in a relationship with a person who has bipolar and is still in the stages of learning how to medicate themselves. It is difficult position to be in for someone who is not sure of what their partner goes through on a daily basis.

      Then you also need to apply the ERP process to yourself, starting with a No Contact and Ungettable girl work so that you are the best version of yourself at the same time to make sure that none of your issues form the previous relationship you had with your ex are still there when you start talking again

  13. Avatar

    Katie

    February 26, 2020 at 9:25 pm

    Hi, so me and my ex broke up a week ago and was on a break for about 2 weeks before we did end it. We were together for around 5 months and we just got together when I moved away, which is about an hour and a half away from him. At first even though I had moved away things were really good, but after a few months I noticed he slowly became less interested and just made less of an effort. Around a month ago we both realised things were pretty bad but didn’t want to give up/let go, but it just got worse. He eventually told me on the break that he just doesn’t love me anymore and he had never loved anyone before but fell in love with me but now just fell out of love and doesn’t want a relationship with me or anyone at the moment because the distance is too hard and he wants to ‘enjoy’ his life before any relationships but he says he knows he’s lost something really good and major. He told me when we broke up he wants to stay friends and we’ve spoke every now and then since we broke up, and we considered being friends with benefits but he told me he didn’t want to give me false hope if that ever happened, and that we could try again over the summer when I’m back from university but is now saying that it’s done. but over the weekend we was out at the same place and he got with another girl and I got really angry at him for which he is still annoyed at. He also told me he misses me but not the way I want him to and told me a few days ago he isn’t hurt by the break up and is now saying he is but it’s done but he keeps telling me he’s bored of getting asked questions that he doesn’t have the answer for. I just want to try and make him love me again and miss me and want to try again but I don’t know what to do.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 4, 2020 at 10:25 pm

      Hi Kaite, so working on yourself and focusing on sticking to a complete 30 NC and making sure that you read the information about being Ungettable. Applying this to your life and letting mutual friends and social media show your ex what he is missing out on by not being with you anymore.

  14. Avatar

    Amy Krystel

    February 20, 2020 at 5:21 am

    He broke up with me recently after almost two years of living together. He doesn’t have any social media and we now live 2hrs awa. I don’t understand how does he get to miss me if he just gets to never see me again.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 20, 2020 at 10:50 pm

      Hi Amy, he is going to miss you because of the break up and often exes find ways to check your social media even if he does not use it make sure your social media is looking good. Mutual friends / family members is usually how they check in

  15. Avatar

    Gazelle

    February 13, 2020 at 3:31 am

    Hi Chris

    What if your ex doesnt really use or look on social media and blocked me again in whattsapp (right now just trying to eventually get a friendship back at least but even that is now difficult he decided)

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 15, 2020 at 5:25 pm

      Hey Gazelle so if they do not use social media, do they have any mutual friends who do use social media and have you on there> If so make sure they can see the amazing things you are doing there. And eventually your ex will unblock you on whatsapp, just make sure when they do that your DP is looking amazing, post stories to the whatsapp and show how great you are doing. Read about being Ungettable and make sure that anyone who you mutually have in your life can see that. This information will get back to them

  16. Avatar

    Esmeralda Garcia

    January 24, 2020 at 1:04 am

    Me and my boyfriend been together for 9 months and we broke up 2 weeks ago. It happened on a Saturday night when I was going to stay the night at his place and his friend was over. I was waiting for his friend to leave so I can spend time with him. When his friend finally left I was sitting in his room and I was upset because our relationship hasn’t been the same. He doesn’t give me a hug or kiss when he sees me and that night when I asked him for a favor. He answered me all annoyed. He saw me crying and asked me “what’s wrong?” I turned around so I don’t start crying more. I told him “ I wish you knew how I feel about us” We started talking and He said that he just doesn’t feel the same way about me anymore. That he doesn’t feel that connection. I asked him how long has he been feeling like this. He’s been feeling like this 2 months ago! He didn’t say anything to me until I brought it up. Which hurts even more because he’s been dragging me along and he said that he tried to make it work. Without me even knowing he felt like that. I just want to have another chance and make it work because I gave him a chance when we had a big argument and he didn’t deserve that chance that I gave him. But I love him so much that I decided to hear him out. I just don’t know what to do to make him miss me and try to make this work.

  17. Avatar

    alexxis brown

    December 29, 2019 at 8:52 pm

    so it’s like a long story involving his ex. when we met he was still dating her all the way up till he came home for august. her friend told me in august and him and i worked it out he did things to prove to me and show me. like i even told him if he couldn’t handle doing any of it then don’t be here but he did. well a lot of my anxiety came up when i was moving and trying to get this job and what not. so we would have small fights here and there and at those times he would get aggressively angry. after the last small one we talked about it and he stopped getting so angry. well we had a conversation that led into another fight like two months ago which brought up his ex saying how he told her happy birthday and checked on her because she posted something depressing one day but that was it. and then he said his brothers gf posted something with her and it made him miss her. so then i’m calm and i’m just trying to like talk to him about it to see where we need to go. well he starts crying and just goes to the room and starts packing and i’m like ok dude you are over reacting like wtf. so then he says idk what to do i’m need to be alone whatever and i’m like ok well you have practice at 5 am if you still feel this way do it in the morning. he sits down on the bed and listens to me talk to him and i cried a little when i told him how i felt. he then went to watch tv in the living room like no big deal. then he went to sleep on my bed and was okay with me next to him. and at this point i’m giving him space not crossing boundaries and then when it was time to take him to school he still kissed me and said i love you like okay you are starting to get better and i didn’t go out of my way to text him he came to me. so he started the conversation like any normal day communicating with me like showing me look i’m fine i’m sorry i love you. so a couple days went by and we talked about it. he tells me he responded that way because he’s overwhelmed. he had been helping me and taking care of me with my anxiety not being so healthy as well as he had baseball and school cuz if he didn’t do well he couldn’t play. so i said ok makes sense and i also know he’s not where he wants to be for himself as a person. he doesn’t know where he wants to be at when he graduates. so i said okay we can take things day by day that’s fine. i assumed you stayed because you know i can be that person for you because you’ve grown a lot since we’ve last had a problem. and he was like yes and i said ok where do you want me to be at for you and he said i want you right here with me and i said ok well if you want me to go through it with you she has to not be in control. she can’t be affecting none of this. i told him the relationship i have with my ex is the way is because of the decisions he made and i want no part of it. you left for a reason and get y’all can be cool but you and i are building our history together and nobody should be involved that are ex’s this shouldn’t be a conversation anymore because we are starting to build this foundation. in a couple years maybe. but right now no and it’s not gonna help you figure yourself out if you still let her get in your head. and he said okay i said that’s the only reason i’m staying. if it happens i can’t do it anymore. so after that like he was doing things i never ever asked, being vulnerable with me. just being out right amazing. i showing him more appreciation. he had an amazing time at thanksgiving, i’ve never seen him get like that. well we needed to talk about christmas. and we didn’t till a week before and he came to me about it i didn’t even get the chance to say hey we need to talk. so he tells me he wants to be in new york alone so he can fix things with his family over the whole situation because he never fixed anything with his mom over she only knows the ex’s version of everything. so i know that was a real thing. he told his parents his ex can’t hang around anymore because he’s trying to fix things and do the right thing. so i had said you know how i feel about this. like i respect you needing to do that, i get it makes sense. i preached to him about how his family is more important than either one of us. and i said you know how i feel about it and he was like i know i understand and i’ll do everything to show, i’ll communicate and tell you and i said okay like it doesn’t have to be crazy just be honest with me. i have to trust you danny. ( i have never done anything to make him feel like he had to be extra or overwhelmed, i always gave him his space, let him come to me because me doing that would’ve made things worse. and so we talked it out we were good he was honest about his feelings. that whole rest of the week he was being vulnerable open honest being normal doing things we should’ve been doing form the beginning. just it was a great week. sunday i took him to celebrate his semester and celebrate our own little christmas. we had the best date ever where he was even telling me to put my phone down like it was just perfect, the way it should’ve been. monday he did things he’s never done either like call me when he gets in a situation, he bought me dinner, he introduced me to his cousin he hasn’t seen in 10 years, his friends taking me everywhere. not only that he was taking pictures of where he was at all week, keeping me updated like just out of his way stuff i never asked of him. stuff i never expected of him.now saturday i’m driving out here almost to albuqurque i had a bad dream the night before and i ignored it. it was the same typical day we would have since the past week he was home. and i told him i’m driving like call me when you can and he still did the same stuff took pictures and we had conversations it was great. so then like he calls me and says i just wanted to check in let you know i’m home how are you i’m going to shower eat and spend some more time with my family. and i’m like ok well it gets later and i asked him in a babyish way like how much longer cuz i miss you. he takes a picture of everyone in his family and says idk babe i’m still hanging out. and i got a weird feeling in my gut so i said idk if it’s PTSD from the summer or my bad dream but is there anything i need to know. and he says no.

    ten minutes later he does actually there is something. i go okay call me about it then. he goes idk if we will work out when i get back. and i was like wtf. he was like i want to be alone, i want to be free, i don’t want to have to text somebody or call someone and then nag at me for it and i said i never did that and he said i know you didn’t just in general. he said i just want to do what i want to do. and i said okay like what the heck. the past week danny the past two weeks you’ve been doing all these extra things like what in the world and he was like idk. and i was like you could’ve left i never told you to stay and he said i know you gave me so many chances but watching you cry hurt me and i wanted to still be with you even more. and i was like none of this makes sense whoever you talked telling you this isn’t fair because they don’t know us and whatever. he said nobody did i’ve been thinking about it. and i kept trying to get him to give me answers and all he could say was idk. he said i still care about you but i love you as a person. and i was like wtf. and i tried to get him to tell me where we would stand after he figures it out. like him and i had a good connection like a lot of people like thought we had been together for years like were super woah y’all look meant to be and shit so people got the same feeling of how our relationship was connected. he said honestly i think i still love my ex. and i said okay like you are back home it’s confusing memories are there like i get it. like when i went home when we first started dating it was pretty hard for me but i had you and i knew it was a vicious cycle if i tried to go back to that. and i asked him like once you figure it out like what about us and he was like no i think i may go back to her. and i was like seriously danny. how could you do all that you did show me you wanted me through your actions but you never actually felt that way. it doesn’t make any sense. i said you left her for the reason of pushing you away she argued with you and little things way too much. and he just said idk idk. and i said danny you know i’m a great person you were my best friend we had so many similar ambitions, commonalities, we had fun. you told me i was different and special and he was like you are right. i was like like you literally lied to me the whole time then. everything had to have been a lie if you are treating this like it’s me and none of it ever happened. he got mad at me for saying that and he said don’t you dare saying i never appreciated you, all of it was genuine. i felt it and what what i said when i felt it. i just don’t know what happened where i didn’t anymore. i said honestly you are slapping me in the face for saying i still am that girl you wanted to be with just so you could have the possibility of fucking your ex, i honestly wish you would’ve done that just so i could’ve left you because at least there was truth. right now you aren’t telling me anything, giving me anything to go off of. and he goes well i don’t want to be with anyone so it doesn’t even matter. i need to do some stuff for myself and i said i’m all down for that danny but for you to do that that means neither one of us should be part of your life cuz you won’t be able to. i said you are gonna go back into a vicious cycle with her and you are gonna be miserable. and he said if i do then i do. that’s my choice. i said wow… so then i said i guess i wasn’t enough then, it wasn’t enough. he said no it’s not about you, you did everything right, i need to figure stuff out. i said no you don’t danny, you have it figured out, you are telling me you are walking away from relationships in general because you don’t want to be part of what takes place in it just to go back to something that’s ten times worse that the bullshit we went through. we had more good times than bad. and he said i know we did. i said i know who tf i am danny. i know i’m the healthier better person for gods sake you stopped getting so angry you were being vulnerable with me and all those things with me, he said i know you are different i still believe that. i said it’s a slap in my face, especially acting like it didn’t happen. if you do choose to go that route you are going to be in a cycle you are going to be miserable and you are gonna remember this night and know i told you so and regret it. and he got quiet for awhile and said idk what to say… i said thank you for growing my heart bigger than i thought it was, for showing me what i want in someone, and for all the fun…. he was like we did have a lot of fun. on my birthday he got so totally wasted that he actually told me how he felt like deeply felt about me, he’s a shower not a talkie person and i pointed that out and he said idk idk what to say… and he just kept getting quiet saying idk what to say….when i found out everything the first time i had asked him a question about like why me. cuz he cheated on this girl all the time in judo, like a lot a lot. so i said i just want to know why, why did you pick me? if you just wanted a one time thing or a fling or whatever to say you had a chance with me when i told you that i didn’t want it to be like that why didn’t you do it, what made you keep a relationship for almost a year. he said all those girls were just one and done, nothing more. he said with you i could hang out with you we could have fun we can do everything together we could be independent at the same time and have the same friends and you are cool. plus everything everyone told me about you. i said fanny we never hung out on that level until the night we met so what about that night made you decide not to just have a chance and date me. (he gets really really upset, so the night we met his friend tried to fight everyone drunk well danny had to fight him off and seeing him that way made me want to be there for him even after a whole night of pushing him away, on the way home while he drove i held his hand, to comfort him) so that’s what he said, he said, because you are different. you holding my hand that night that’s what caught my attention. he said you didn’t even know me and you went to comfort me and nobody has ever did that… i said okay bye danny.
    the next day i got into a car accident he called me and said he was up all night… he stayed up till i drove home to cali. he’s never posts on snapchat. and 3 days later he posted of himself hitting baseballs and said getting right for my last rodeo. when days before he would send me his videos he still looks at my stories. he went out of his way to say merry christmas. i accidentally called him and even after i said it was an accident he asked if i meant to call and apologized for being busy hitting. he would keep saying i’m sorry for being busy when i would text about stuff i needed information from him on. he still interacts normal if we still have to have a conversation. now idk what to do, idk what to feel. he still has to grab his stuff from my place… my heart says he’s home where stuff is comfortable and easier and tempting because he was slowly starting to show me like look i want to be here. one time he even had me sit in the tub with him so he could wash my hair and back and just held me… idk what to do

  18. Avatar

    Colleen

    December 28, 2019 at 4:13 pm

    So after 2 years my boyfriend broke-up with me 11/19. The cause was he kept saying i was being crazy/jealous the final straw was him telling me he was going to his uncles house but someone seen him parked elsewhere when i called him he wasn’t answering me so I went over there to see what was going on & when he finally came walking up the street from who knows where he flipped out & ended it on the spot. Now we lived together so he didnt move out, however his grandmother became ill during this time, Thanksgiving day he said he was spending it with his mother & grandmother i found out his soon to be ex-wife was there i was very upset we argued & from that night on he stayed at his grandmothers. We continued to hang out, sleep together etc. he said he only had her around to see his kids. I asked if we were going to work things out or whst was going on his reply i hope we can I dont know if you can change. Give me space let me miss you & focus on my grandmother. He would get upset if he seen me textin questioning who i was talking to , he said he wasn’t talkin to anyone else dating anyone else. Now the night his grandmother passed we went out with his family for drinks & slept together, the following night i caught him making out with another female & he slept at her house. I packed all his stuff & dropped it off with his mother & havent heard from him since last friday. He blocked me on all social media too.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 2, 2020 at 11:28 pm

      Hi Colleen, thats very hurtful thing for you to go through but right now you are going to have to go into a no contact, even if he has met someone else and the things have been getting worse the more you sleep with him out side of a relationship the more he will think that you are happy for things to be this way. So No Contact and spend some time apart he has blocked you on social media etc because he does not want to talk to you right now. So allow that. He will start to miss you especially after spending 2 years together and living together. He will more than likely take some time as he is going to be grieving the loss of his grandmother for a while too

  19. Avatar

    Ria

    December 9, 2019 at 3:34 am

    Hi EBR team,

    My boyfriend broke up with me after 3 years of being together. A week before he broke up with me we had an argument and he said that he was gonna go because he couldn’t do this anymore. He said he felt as though he wasn’t in love anymore and that all he does is hurt me. But we talked it out and he came to the conclusion that he is in love and he just said those things as he was feeling overwhelmed. A week later he told me he thinks we should end it. He said he’s not happy in the relationship and feels as though he’s not in love. He said that he felt he was not good enough for me and that he doesn’t love me the way a boyfriend should. For example things like being inconsistent at times with communication etc. He said he feels that wouldn’t be an issue if he truly was in love. I know he felt guilty for not being “a good boyfriend” as he put it. I asked him multiple time’s, are you sure this is what you want. And he assured me yes. I asked whether there is any way we could just work this out, and he said he doesn’t think we can. I asked him if there was someone else, whether he had something to confess, and he said no it’s nothing like that he just thinks he needs to be alone. I also asked him what would happen if he regrets his decision, and he started crying saying would u take me back (he was crying throughout the whole conversation). He didn’t message me until a week later. I remained silent and so did he. And then he initiated contact. He checked up on me. And while talking I did things I know I shouldn’t have. I asked him how he’s been feeling about the situation and he explained that he’d been thinking about whether he’s made the right decision (I didn’t ask what conclusion he had come to as I didn’t want to hear “yes I did”). I also asked him whether he sees the possibility of getting back together in the future. And he told me he would never rule it out as that would be silly of him, but he then went on to say for now he’s just focusing on the present and hasn’t thought much about the future at all. Towards the end of the conversation I asked why he hadn’t messaged and he said he had read online that’s the best way to deal with a breakup and his friend had also given him the same advice. I responded saying that I got given the same advice but I feel it would be nice to maintain communication (I’m stupid I know). But anyway, he read my message but didn’t reply. It’s now been 3 weeks of no reply. 3 weeks of me being in no contact. He still has me on all social media’s. He still views my story posts on Snapchat and Instagram. Yesterday he posted on his Instagram some old pics/vids from a concert he went to in summer which I thought was quite rude since he hasn’t responded to me for weeks and knows I’d see that post. It seemed quite petty, even though he has no reason to be rude to me as I’ve not hurt him or upset him in anyway. That’s something he kept saying when he was breaking up with me “you’re the best girlfriend I don’t know why I feel like this.” I just don’t know why he still hasn’t responded yet. Or whether he ever will. Do you feel that there is a good chance of reconciliation here or is it not looking good? I’m thinking of expanding my no contact to 45 days. But I’m scared he’ll move on with someone new or forget about me. Do you think he’ll likely be back or is this the end?
    Thank you,
    I’m so sorry for how long this is!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 9, 2019 at 6:10 pm

      Hey Ria, just so you know this isn’t that long so don’t worry 😉

      So with the situation you’ve described I would go into No Contact if you have not completed a full one yet, and I would do so for a minimum of 30 days and prepare in that time to become Ungettable. There is information about this on this website and on Chris YouTube channel for you. After No Contact you need to reach out to your ex with a friendly text where you have a short but positive conversation about something you have done that would interest them. The issue have at the moment is you’re ex is in a mindset of you are not going anywhere so they have time to make the decision this is not what you want to happen as they have the power to make you wait knowing you’re not going anywhere.

  20. Avatar

    Andy

    December 7, 2019 at 9:16 pm

    Hello

    I actually broke up with my bf about 4 months ago. We dated for a couple years. It was a long distance relationship and we had planned on moving together this summer. However, he’s in the army and was supposed to get moved and then was told they didn’t know where or when he was going. After that he stopped talking about the future or making plans with me. He refused to talk about it because he didn’t know where his career was taking him. He was so closed up and made me feel unloved. I decided I needed a real commitment and it wasn’t worth feeling unloved so I ended things. He did not take it well.
    We didn’t talk for almost 4 months. Recently, he texted me after absolutely no communication since the breakup. He said he felt he needed to tell me he finally found out where and when he was going. He slowly started texting every few days and the last week or two everyday. If was fun communication with some flirty comments. He even complimented my looks in a couple pictures. Well now I haven’t heard from him in 4 days. What would make him text daily and then nothing. I haven’t texted him either though. Is he looking to get back together due to the stability in his career? Or just talking to an old friend.

    Thanks so much

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 8, 2019 at 10:00 pm

      Hey Andy so he may have been testing to see how your reaction to speaking with him would be after so long. If you are interested in getting back with your ex then I suggest you put some investment in to conversation too

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