Let me paint you a picture.  It a scene out of every girl’s worst dreams who is on the wrong side of a breakup causing her at some point to declare, “I miss my ex boyfriend so much it is killing me”!

One day your life is going great and in walks this guy.

He’s pretty cool.

You and he hang out a few times, spending some time together and eventually start dating.

Your relationship is going well.

And then all of a sudden, it’s no longer going well.


A break up happens! You are left missing your ex boyfriend so much it hurts beyond anything you have ever experienced before.

Your world is flipped upside down.

I get that is a tough journey for anyone who is smitten with their ex.

So with all the angst and anger going on, how do you get your ex boyfriend off your mind?

What we are going to talk about today can apply to you whether your breakup was recent or if it happened several months or even years ago.

So buckle up.

Why Can’t I Get Him Off My Mind?

You’re doing okay, at least you thought so.  But, for lot of reasons and depending on what stage you are going through, you will likely find yourself often thinking:

  • I miss my ex boyfriend – should I contact him?  What should I do to make this awful feeling go away?
  • What can I do to forget my ex boyfriend – the pain is almost unbearable.
  • What things should I say to him because I miss him so much?
  • What should  I do if I can’t forget my ex? I feel like my world has ended and I can’t see a life without him.

If this is you, have no fear! I’m glad you found this article.

You are EXACTLY where you need to be!

We are going to go over 4 critical ways to deal with missing your ex boyfriend so you don’t feel so helpless.

Hopefully, one of the things you take away from this today is that each and every person who has ever gone through a breakup has felt exactly like you do right now.

You are not alone.

You should also feel confident after reading this that the methods I lay out for you today will help you win your ex boyfriend back if that is your ultimate goal.

You just have to trust the process and be patient.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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A Quick Guide to How to Cope With Missing Your Ex Boyfriend

We here at EBR have dedicated our lives to helping people after the loss of a relationship.   So we don’t just have our own experiences we’ve learned from. We have helped thousands of people through every imaginable situation. And we have studied the best ways you can achieve your goals, whatever they may be.

Often people want quick solutions and answers to what are often very complicated relationship questions.  So let me give you something to work with, but I strongly encourage you to read the rest of this Missing Your Ex Guide so that you have a much better idea of what you can do if you are missing him and feel lost, plagued with lonely and emptiness each and every day you wake up.

The first thing you need to do when you can’t get your ex boyfriend out of your head is to realize that these feelings, however powerful they may be now, will eventually subside if you dedicate yourself to embracing a well considered ex recovery plan. 

4 Critical Ways To Deal With Missing Your Ex Boyfriend

It is easy to lose sight of the big picture when your boyfriend has dumped you.  Immediately you will be confronted with a variety of different emotions.  Shock, bewilderment, and anger usually follow in that order.  You will find yourself going through a whole series of emotions as you try to cope with the reality that your ex boyfriend has had a different view of you and the relationship all along.

But that won’t stop your heart from feeling broken and at the same time you will be swamped with feelings of longing to be with him again.  The desire to connect with him just one more time may be overwhelming, ultimately causing you to potentially say or do things that can make it all worse.

So you best have a plan to deal with all the twists and turns of your shifting emotions and desires.

1. Accept That It’s Okay and Natural to Miss Your Ex Boyfriend

I know it may feel unnatural to miss your ex boyfriend, like you should be past this already. This is especially true if the breakup was a long time ago.

However, we here at EBR actually believe that it is okay to miss your ex boyfriend, as long as you don’t let that dictate your actions.

You see? After a breakup you are almost programmed to miss your ex boyfriend, even after a prolonged period of time has gone by.

The primary reason for this is your body and, more specifically… your hormones are working against you.

You’re sitting there like…

Yep, I said it, your body is working against you.

That sucks right?

And even, though it sucks, as someone who studies breakups… it’s kind of interesting.

For example, how cool is this that you can learn to master your own thoughts by shifting the natural chemicals being released in your body.

Relationships function in the brain almost exactly like an addiction. There have been experiments done using MRIs that show that feelings of love engage the same areas of the brain that are activated when addicts are actively using whatever it is that they are addicted to.

So what the heck does this mean in non-science terms?

Love is a drug!

Another reason that it is completely normal for you to miss your ex boyfriend is because of these darn things we form every single day called “habits.”

We already know that love functions in your brain like an addition. Well, addictions are formed from habits.

Don’t believe me?

Let’s use alcohol addiction as an example.

The first time an alcoholic gets drunk, he or she will not become addicted. However, if they do this repeatedly for a prolonged period of time, they will likely become addicted.

Repeatedly exposing yourself to something that generates addictive chemicals in the brain, like dopamine and norepinephrine (i.e. produces a dizzy in love feeling), builds a habitual return to being with the object of your fancy.  Yep, we are talking about your ex.

Habits are also developed based on your day to day life.

With the alchoholic, their person’s everyday life involves alcohol, because they keep returning to it.

Now, let’s think about it in terms of your relationship.

When you were dating your ex boyfriend you probably:

  • Spent a lot of time THINKING about him
  • Spent a lot of time TALKING with him
  • Spent a lot of time… WITH him

Even though you are no longer together, those habits might take a long time to break. You might even return to them if they were usually initiated by an external trigger, like hearing the text alert on your phone.

See, told you!

It is totally normal to miss your ex boyfriend.

Although, some of you may be left wondering:

“Why Do I Only Miss Him Occasionally?”

You may not miss him all the time or for prolonged periods of time, but e that feeling sneaks back in.

So, why the heck is this happening?

I know that if you were all standing here and I asked for a show of hands, I’d be looking out over a sea of hands.

Getting over someone doesn’t happen over night and it takes a long time to break that habit of thinking about your ex every now and again. The time between “cravings” will become longer. But that won’t stop you from being tempted from time to time.

Let’s go back to what we talked about earlier.

Love is an addiction. As sad as this may be, there is something that comes with addiction… relapse.

Missing your ex boyfriend suddenly and giving into that feeling is essentially a relapse.  Your emotional need to be with your ex boyfriend is tugging on you in ways that are hard to control.

There is good news in here if you are only missing your ex periodically.

Your brain has started the process of moving on… or for the sake of the analogy… recovering.

Every once in awhile your brain is going to revert back to those previous addiction-related habits. This is why two years after a breakup you may be going about your day to day and all of a sudden…


He pops back into your mind and you are back to missing him.

It is a relapse.

I know, I know, I know. Missing him is hard.

But you should realize that this feeling deep inside you to reach out to your ex again because you can’t stand to be apart is very much a function of the way the chemical sin your brain flows.   Then sooner you understand this, the sooner you will be able to wrestle back some control of your life.

Yes, if you miss him terribly, it’s largely because you are a prisoner to your hormones.

Knowing this helps.  But what else can you do about this? Keep on reading, my friend.

2. Turning Your Focus to More Productive Areas

If you are struggling with how to cope with missing your ex boyfriend you best ask if you have an action plan in place.

If you leave yourself vulnerable to these natural feelings of longing to be with your ex boyfriend, then you will become a victim of your own brain chemistry.  But there is something you can do to combat this.

Before I lay out this actionable plan for you, you are going to have to do me one little favor.

You are going to have to determine if you actually want your ex boyfriend back.  Missing him is one thing. As  I said, its natural.

But do you really want him back?  Should you take him back.  Is he worthy of you?

Because if not, I guarantee you, this constant feeling of having to be with him will subside and completely disappear if the reasoning side of your brain tells you this guy is not long term material.

Cue Jeopardy music…

What is your final answer??

I am just kidding! Take time to make this decision.

As you have read this far through an article, on a website that is dedicated to getting ex boyfriends back, I’m going to assume that the vast majority of you do want your ex boyfriend back. But, for those of you that may not want your ex boyfriend back and just want to stop thinking about him so much, I’m going to touch on a plan for you too.

“I don’t want my ex boyfriend back.”

If you don’t want your ex boyfriend back then your game plan is going to be to move the heck on!

I know this is hard if you can’t stop missing him. But know that it’s the hormones that are doing most of the talking when those feelings of longing to be around your ex overwhelms you.

Your Main Action of Overcoming Obsessive Thinking About Your Ex Boyfriend Is To Remove and Replace

Remember how we talked about addictions being formed from habits?

Well, the best way to break your addiction to missing him is going to be to get out of the habit of thinking about him. And, if you do have a relapse,  remember, it is totally normal.

They actually teach people this in AA. It is how you handle the relapse that truly matters.

So, every time your ex boyfriend pops into your head I want you to tell yourself “no” and change the topic in your mind.  Learn to modify your behavior

  • Completely distract yourself from thinking about him. Do not check his social media or sit around waiting to hear from him.
  • Go out, and experience your life for you.
  • Get involved with other projects and people.
  • Take on new activities and hobbies and make them part of your daily routine.
  • Embark on a new workout regiment.  Exercise in all kinds of ways.  Essentially you will be replacing those stress hormones which induces you to miss your ex boyfriend so much with healthy, feel good hormones that are released with you are active.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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3. Implement No Contact To Turn Find Your Emotional Balance

Right now you might be thinking of only one thing. How to get him back, if that is what you want.  Coupled with this thought are all the other thoughts that are pushing you to be with him since he has been removed from your life.

  • I got to have him back as I miss him every minute of my life
  • I can’t forget him – he is always on my mind.  What should I do to make this pain go away?
  • I miss him so much it tearing me apart
  • All I can think of is contacting him to put an end to my misery.

Unfortunately, what you should do is the opposite. Everything in your core being is screaming, “I need him back”.  But your chances are actually improved if you pull back and don’t give in to those primal feelings you are experiencing.

No Contact is a period of time 21, 30, or 45 days during which you do not contact and do not respond to your ex boyfriend. If your breakup was really bad, you probably are going to want to do a longer period of No Contact.

If your breakup was pretty amicable, then starting with a shorter period, such as with a 21 days, is usually constructive.

The idea is to flip the script.  You need to heal and get over the feeling that you are missing out on being with him every moment of the day.  You essentially are going to gain control of your own mind and brain chemicals and turn the tables such that it is your ex boyfriend who is going to end up missing you.

No Contact is possibly the most important step in Ex Boyfriend Recovery simply because it is the first step.  But it is more than a step. It is a wave of life for the post breakup period.

We all know that taking the first step toward anything is the most difficult. But, once you get going, you gain momentum.

So, if you haven’t already done so, start No Contact right now… this very minute!

OK.  Yes.  There are some exceptions when implementing NC may not be the right thing for you and your situation.  But more often than not, it is a winning strategy.

When you are done reading this article, check this other article out!

After a breakup, it is important to do No Contact. You need to give your ex boyfriend some time and space to himself. The No Contact period literally needs to be your best friend after a breakup.

No Contact works in two ways and it is designed to start the process of getting your ex boyfriend to gravitate back to you.

The first reason that No Contact is so important is that it is for you!

You will use this time to focus on you and improve yourself… any bad habits that may have led to the breakup, such as jealousy or neediness. This, my friend, is your time to work on those things. By the end of this No Contact you want to be in a good mental state and in complete control of your emotions.

The second reason that No Contact is so important is because it is also for your ex boyfriend!

This time will give him the time that he may need to erase any bad memories or feelings that he has towards you or the relationship. It will give him the opportunity to miss you.

That sounds good right? Him missing you?

Now that you know why No Contact is important, I want to ask you one very specific question.

Quiz time! I hope you’ve been paying attention!

What if, during No Contact, your ex boyfriend messages you, “I miss you;” how do you respond?

Trick question, you don’t answer!

During No Contact, you do not respond to your ex boyfriend at all.

If you do receive this text message… great! This means the process is starting to work. Stick with it though!

Just so you know, there are very specific circumstances where you can break No Contact and those reasons are covered in the following article. So, if you ever have doubts, check this out! In fact, this article goes over everything No Contact so it is a great resource for you to use while applying this strategy.

4. Becoming an Ungettable Girl Who Loves Herself

You know those Maybelline commercials where its like “Maybe she’s born with it…Maybe it’s Maybelline,” I want you to embody that sort of attitude. Every guy you encounter as the UG should be like “Maybe she’s born with it… Maybe she’s a UG.”

Anyway, that was a bit of a tangent.

So what is the UG?

Oh, the Ungettable Girl, also known as the UG is a term Chris Seiter created to describe the perfect girl that always seems to feel a little bit out of reach to most men. Guys love a UG. They love chasing after them. To get your ex boyfriend back during No Contact you are going to work on becoming a UG and I’m going to lay out a couple of ways you can accomplish this.

The UG is a high-quality girl that is beautiful physically and has a personality to match that beauty. She is a rare type of girl and not all women will achieve “UG” status.  Indeed, it may not even be possible for anyone to achieve this status.  It’s striving to be one is where the action is.

If you want to read more about what the UG is, check out this article. Once you’ve read this article you will understand what truly makes a UG and how to achieve Ungettable status.

Immediately following a breakup when you are feeling most lonely and vulnerable, you should not act as expected. There are certain things you should not do or say when you miss your ex boyfriend.  If you want to be perceived as the Ungettable Girl, you would not:

  • Call your ex boyfriend and start crying to see him just once more.
  • Spend time begging him to come back because you can’t stand it any longer.
  • Eating a bunch of unhealthy food and gaining weight, further reducing your self esteem.
  • Endlessly texting or calling him with no response in the hope he might reach out to you.

You get my point.

These are really unattractive qualities and will lower your value and attraction….namely your Ungettable status.

Avoid these behaviors at all costs.

What you should do it focus on you and self-improving… yes, even if you are missing your ex boyfriend like crazy.

Things a UG would do include doing:

  • Something you’ve always wanted to do but never had the time for
  • Catching up with old friends that you may have prioritized your ex boyfriend over
  • Dating yourself because you are so much fun
  • Taking a vacation to a far away place to gain much needed perspective.
  • Furthering your education or career

These actions are all really attractive and unexpected things you can do following a breakup that will increase your UG status. This is also a time when you can work on improving upon any of the qualities that may have led to the breakup such as neediness.

The Take-Away

It is totally natural to miss your ex boyfriend, even weeks, months, or even years following a breakup.

If you only miss him from time to time and you are left wondering “why am I missing him right now” consider this to be a relapse. Do some of the things I discuss here, but know that those sad feelings of now having him in your life will subside.

But if you are in the midst of a breakup and you can’t seem to gain control of the powerful wave of feelings that overwhelm you, then your are probably asking yourself what you should do to forget your ex boyfriend – to get past those feelings that you can’t cope.

The easiest way to do this is to get out of the habit of thinking about him.  And there are actionable steps you can take to accomplish this. Getting engaged in new activities and reaching out to other people can fill in gaps missing in your life.  Perhaps not completely, but your ex recovery will be faster realized if you enrich your life with other things and people.

Whether you want him back or not, there are some really productive things that you can do other than just sitting around feeling sorry for yourself and missing out on all of life’s delights.  So two other important cogs to this whole process involve implementing No Contact.

The second thing you should do is become an Ungettable Girl.

I can’t believe that you are still here!

You better get to work!

But since you ARE still here… let’s have a convo in the comments below.

I want to know about your breakup. Tell me all of the details.

  1. The relationship up to the breakup
  2. What you did after the breakup
  3. What you think you are supposed to do now

Our experts will help guide you where you need to go.

(Note:  This post was re-written by the website owner and Relationship Coach expert, Chris Seiter on June 12, 2018.  Sarah Drees previously contributed some of the original content.)

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30 thoughts on “What To Do When You Miss Your Ex Boyfriend”

  1. Avatar


    April 7, 2021 at 6:49 am

    I was warned in the beginning by his coworker that he is a player. I took it in. He asked me on a date and I accepted even though I was hesitant. A few weeks passed and no contact so I text him. We communicated and hung out but then by week six as I text him there was no response. I was already on my way to see him only to catch him with another female watching TV. I did not go to the door as I could see through the window. I text “I guess I came at a bad time.” No response because the phone was in the kitchen.

    He used to hide all of personal items. I was never invited anywhere with him as far as family. He is not someone to come out and say “I love you.” I even asked if he was that way with his ex wife and he said “yes.” His son is the same.

    As time progressed we grew stronger but after he sold his house and moved in with his best friend/female that’s when things began to change for the worst. I also lost my job due to being bought out. I had to work excessively to make up for the lost wages. He said he understood but the more time progressed the more he seemed distant.

    He only works 10 minutes away from where I live and it’s on the way to his house. He stopped coming by all of a sudden when I had nights off. I would have to text and ask.

    He eventually broke it off with me because I would become so frustrated about why I couldn’t see him and why things didn’t add up. He wouldn’t watch sports with me or anything in that matter. He blamed the commotion on me but he’s not someone to communicate and he chose his best friend over me more than once.

    I placed him and his nonbiological son first. I was a mother to the child more than the actual mother herself. The child was deprived of society and I do mean that literally. Farmers market, town squares, universities, stadiums, museums, drive in movies, parks and the list goes zone. However, at the end because of me being upset he broke it off and as of 04/06/2021 it’s been three weeks and he’s not reached out.

    His response by breaking up was through text saying he wants to live a drama free life.

    Is there a possibility of him coming back? I had a lot of mixed signals. But, once he moved that’s when it all changed. And when his roommate would travel out of state he would cancel our place and stay home. Male friends said he was cheating and my son said to leave him. We are both in our early 40’s and I’ve not dated in 14 years until he came along. We were together for 20 months.

    Thoughts or help?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 21, 2021 at 9:15 pm

      Hi Null, honestly from what you have told me from above – my advice actually is to move on from this man. I don’t think you are going to have more than what he is giving and that is not really a relationship if he continues to hide you from family doesn’t give you more of a commitment, also you need to take into account that your son is observing this. Show him that this is not an acceptable way to treat a woman!

  2. Avatar


    October 28, 2020 at 12:43 am

    My boyfriend split up with me last month and if I’m honest I’m absolutely devastated. You kinda know when you’re meant to be together. It’s broken my heart and all I want is for him to tell me he misses me but I know it’s not going to happen:(

  3. Avatar

    Amber F.

    September 29, 2020 at 3:50 am

    Me and my ex boyfriend met on September 13th 2019. On September 14th we were inseparable. Like I mean I moved in with him only a month later. We were so in love and had all the same friends. During covid he had to help me pay for some things and always held that over my head. In the end we were both asking things if the other person and neither one of us seeing improvement. We had tried to separate once before but both realized we weren’t ready. I think this time we are. I’m not completely miserable from this, but I am in a lot of pain. I’m extremely sad but I moved into a new place and am getting a new job. I think I am supposed to focus on the new things in my life. I want to go soemewhere spontaneous soon. Maybe by myself maybe with some people. Thank you guys

  4. Avatar


    August 26, 2020 at 10:44 pm

    Me and my ex were together for just over 2 years I have been suffering with mental health conditions for most of my teenage years ,I have always been very insecure and anxious whilst been in a relationship but my recent relationship was very unhealthy and toxic he fed into my anxiety’s and insecurities making my mental health worse .He showed me very little love and support and treated me really unfairly ,Iv drained my self from trying to impress him and showering him in gifts and money to make up for my mental state as I felt so guilty and bad for been the way I am ,I am a very needy and jealous girlfriend which could of pushed him away but I was also getting punished for going through such a horrible illness that’s totally out of my control.
    I am now left feeling so sad and lonely not been able to shrug this feeling of guilt and hatred towards my self for having to cope with such an awful mental health condition that leaves me feeling so depressed and worthless everyday.
    Some how I miss this guy even though I know he was no good for me and treated me like crap!!

  5. Avatar


    July 20, 2020 at 12:20 am

    I’m so sad. We dated 7 months. He was the one pursuing me and then I fell head over heels in love. I got too needy at the end and that is why he broke up. I am in no contact right now after sending him closure mailed letter stating how sorry I was and what he did me for as far as showing me how to love again and wishing him the best in his retirement And new job. I’m just feeling devastated. I miss him so badly. He’s a great guy. I realize how I messed up.

  6. Avatar


    June 26, 2020 at 10:56 pm

    we were together for 1 year and he ended things because he thought i was unhappy but i was really taking out that someone in my family had died, we then got back together and i broke up with him because he started to tell me to grow up and to cry about my problems so for the past 2 months we have been working on communication and everything to be better for a relationship and yesterday morning he broke everything off. i don’t even know why. it is so hard not to beg him to come back because he’s come back every single time but our parents said that this would be the last time because we are not healthy for eachother when we get into arguments but when we are in happy moments we are the best we’ve ever been.

  7. Avatar


    May 30, 2020 at 9:52 pm

    We were together for 8 years, everything was great, hardly disagreed, always had a laugh, always making memories. Maybe 4 months prior to the break up we had a chat about how things weren’t great as we Hadn’t had sex for a bit but everything else was normal- will affectionate iN other ways, still saying I love you. One day out of no where after I returned from work he ended things Saying we are more like friends. He said he still loved me, always will never thought he would have done this never wanted this. We only met once to exchange personal items, didn’t speak for months after. 10 months on and I still love him, still miss him and his family also. He has a gf and I keep thinking that should be me

    I don’t follow him on social media but he follows me. We don’t talk but today I bumped into him and it made me miss him.

    After the breakup I focused on me kept myself busy. Met someone and spent everyday with them, we dated and got into a relationship but recently broke up. In hindsight meeting someone so soon might not have been the best idea.

    I know I should focus on self and keep myself busy and speak to people etc and I am doing but I want to tell him I miss him

  8. Avatar

    Noluthando Zondo

    May 24, 2020 at 8:16 am

    Hi Team,

    I broke up with my boyfriend a week ago, because I found out that he was back with his ex girlfriend. I am trying the no contact rule ,but it is a challenge because we have a child together, how do I get around this? I constantly want to call him and tell him that I want us to fix this ,but I also don’t want to seem desperate and lose more value.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 29, 2020 at 2:37 pm

      Hey there, this is where you would follow a limited no contact, this link should be of use to you https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-to-get-your-ex-back-when-you-have-a-child-with-them/

  9. Avatar


    May 3, 2020 at 5:45 pm

    This is the second time round doing ERP but on a different guy this time. It took me two years to meet someone I felt calm, secure and happy with. Everything was going well in my mind at least but then lockdown came in and we were separated for a long period (still are). He did ask me to move in with him but I declined as we were’t together for long and I though he’d appreciate me not leaving my flatmate alone for a guy. Now I wish I did move in, because about 4 weeks after he broke up with me out of nowhere. He said I am great, wonderful but he can’t be with me. But yet he won’t tell me the reason why. I am in no contact even though when we broke up I was calm and didn’t flip out. So I did learn something from my last ERP experience 🙂 I think he will be back even though he did have thoughts when we first met that he is too introverted and I’d want too much from him and he could’nt give it but we seemed to move passed this(I always give him space). Also, I am the first girl he introduced to his son and first girl that had met his EX wife and actually get on with her and her partner. So I am confused and hurt he pulled away without telling me the reason whereas before when he had doubts we talked through them together. I am very hurt and sad, I actually thought after my original ERP Ex this could have gone for the long hall.

  10. Avatar


    May 2, 2020 at 8:09 pm

    so basically my ex and i dated for more than a year and a half on an off and there were some complications inbetween(either he was emotionally in a terrible space or i was) and we argued a lot which obviously wasn’t good for either of us. towards the end the past and our own insecurities got the best of us both and it became so toxic that things ended. i don’t want what we had back at all. i want to be with him more than anything but i want it to be healthy and good for us. i know we can achieve that, but he seems to have lost hope.

  11. Avatar

    Rachel McKenzie

    April 17, 2020 at 5:22 pm

    My relationship was good.. at least it felt good. It was the first time I was in a healthy relationship and it felt good and all of a sudden he dumped me because he wasn’t “happy” anymore. Week later to find out he found someone else but he didn’t “cheat” he left me for her. Which yeah hurt. Since the breakup I tried to not contact him, block him to avoid seeing him. Yet his friends I still saw him with which didn’t help. So there would be days I would get all prettied up but deep down all I wanted to do was cry so that’s exactly what I did that I got up but it’s been up and down for me. No stability. I don’t know what I need to do now.. I tell myself if he ever wanted me back I wanted to say no because to be honest.. he took advantage of me a lot in many areas. But being told we could be back together is satisfying

  12. Avatar


    March 18, 2020 at 11:05 am

    Hi Chris I broke up with my 2 days ago boyfriend he cheated on me i blocked his contact so that he won’t be able to contact me but I miss him so much he’s on my mind everyday should I forgive him?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 19, 2020 at 11:38 am

      Hi Nonhle we are not in a position to tell you to forgive someone. You need to look at the reason they cheated, would they cheat again? If you were to get back together are you going to be able to forgive the cheating and not hold it against him for some time?

  13. Avatar

    Melissa Morgan

    January 2, 2020 at 12:39 am

    Hi Chris! I’ve been following your page ALOT and taking all of your advice. My ex and I we’re together for about five months, then broke up. We broke up because he said he wasn’t able to develop an emotional connection with me because of everything going on in his life. (His parents just got divorced, he has two kids, and several failed relationships himself) I initiated no contact (following your steps) and reached back out after 30 days. He said he wanted to work on things and he missed me. He introduced me to family and all of his friends then after three weeks he disappeared again without explanation. He has some current family issues going on and a lot of past trauma from relationships and personal issues. Do I initiate no contact again but wait until he reaches out this time? I do care about him a lot and want things to work out. I’ve currently started training for a half marathon to keep myself occupied and accomplish my own goals without him. I would love your input and help because I’ve never been put in this situation twice!!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 3, 2020 at 6:15 am

      Hi Melissa, if there has been no actual break up then yes I would NC until he reaches out to you, but then at this point 3 weeks is a long time to not speak to someone who you want to be with. I would send a friendly message, and see what sort of response you get from him and go off that for what to do next

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    October 29, 2019 at 4:27 am

    Hi there,
    I dated my boyfriend for right at a year and we were starting to get closer. Suddenly, he started pulling away. Next thing I know he was breaking up with me, telling me that he didn’t want kids or to get married. I was devastated and didn’t understand why, especially since we never really had those conversations before. At the time he told me that it was because he wanted to focus on his career but he said that he loved me tremendously. I couldn’t implement NCR. It was to hard. But whenever I’d text or call he’d always respond. The last time we met in person, he revealed that the “real” reason for the break up is because he didn’t agree with my family (who have been nothing, but nice to him but he’s morally conflicted due to differences in beliefs). He felt that we were getting closer to marriage and he knew this would be a conflict and he didn’t want to put be in a position to have to choose. This was like a knife to my heart. He also admitted he felt like he was making a mistake and he’d probably never find anyone he’d love as much as me. He admitted that he was having doubts. This gave me hope that he could change his mind. So I began calling & texting more, thinking that we could work on this. I never gave him the space he needed. We had one last meeting, after which, he pretty much said his mind was fixed and he wouldn’t budge on his feelings for my family. Again, still stating that I’m perfect for him, telling me I deserve the world and professing his love for me but washing his hands with it and not wanting to prolong the “inevitable.” I didn’t want him to leave. He stayed. We laughed. We cried but eventually he said I had to let him go. I love him and I feel that he’s the one. And I know that he loves me and I don’t think there’s anyone else. He basically gave me 4 different reasons for the breakup. Regardless of the true reason, the inevitable could be that he doesn’t want to be with me. On the other hand he could be just scared. Do you think that we can be restored or should I just move on?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 30, 2019 at 1:27 pm

      Hi Tasha, it can work but you are going to have to do some real work during the NC to be the best version of yourself so he feels like hes missing out. As far as children and marriage talk – something has brought these thoughts to his mind even if you were just passing comment on someone else. Work on becoming the Ungettable girl and reach out after your 30 days a happy confident where you are indifferent to the past relationship

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    June 20, 2019 at 5:29 am

    My ex broke up with me 4 days ago as he told me that i fight lot and he cant withstand that anymore he told me that he still loves me and he will not love anyone like he loved me , i cried a-lot and told him that i will change but he didn’t want to be back also so i decided to not call again and i left the city for vacation, as i knew from my friend that he is missing me badly but still he doesn’t want to be back , i am missing him badly and crying every day , what should i do and do you think he will come back or even text me ?? , i am on the no contact rule now for 3 days and i will complete it . But i am suffering a-lot pls. I need your help and support

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    June 7, 2019 at 11:23 pm

    Hi Chris…my ex broke up with me during a fight about him helping me move out of my house into an apartment. I was overwhelmed with all of the craziness surrounding it and i asked him to stop talking about my situation. it hurt him and he shut down. Then on the way home from the market he said he wanted to break up. He was done with our relationship. We got back to his house and he got out of my car and went upstairs. I followed up and he was gone. He walked out the other side of the building. (There are 2 entrances) He called me 5 minutes later saying its over and i can get my stuff and go but he was not coming back to the apartment. So I stayed thinking he would calm down. He didn’t. He came back 20 minutes later and said he was sorry but that its over. He was very cold and sat in the front room while i sat in the bedroom for the next 3 hours silent. When i left all he could say was “bye”. It’s been 2 weeks now and he has texted me mindless stuff. Almost everyday. He offered to give me a ride for 2 days since i was without my vehicle that was being serviced. On the 3rd day he loaned me his car. We went to dinner 3 times and a Dodger game. He held my hand and acted as though we were still together except with out all the kissing in public. After all this…he still wants to help me build shelves in my storage. Although i gave him an out…he wouldn’t take it. All of the I love you’s stopped. Before we broke up even 2 hours before he was telling me he was so in love with me and i was the love of his life and his other half and he would never leave me and has never been so happy. I went by his apartment when he was not home and he had taken down all the pictures on the walls of us together. He loved all the pictures. And all of the bathroom toiletries i had there he put in a bag. It’s all in his closet. I’m not sure if it was in a moment of anger or what. How does all of that just stop? I’m confused. He has not given me my stuff (which I didn’t take that night he broke up with me) and I still have his house keys, gate clicker for his house, car keys and his favorite jacket. I did reply when he texted but he has initiated 99.999999% of the texts or calls. I do want him back but I feel that it’s a lost cause. I think about him all the time. I’m not sure what my next step is. When we are together there is always talk of getting together in the future for some project or something. I feel like he doesn’t want to completely sever our tie. Help!

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    May 27, 2019 at 2:36 am

    My ex and I have been “just friends” for about 6 months as he was seeing another woman. He would say his new relationship was “like the movies” and it was so great. I’m going through a lot of family issues and need him as a friend (he had been very supportive) at this point so I didn’t care. We normally text every night for about an hour; and it had been a little flirty lately. I ended up having a panic attack (family issues) and freaked out when I hadn’t heard from him in 24 hours (he said we would chat that day/normally gets back to me as it is a weekday). I swung by his place, he answered his door and said he was with his gf, that he would text me later that night. I then got a text an hour later from him saying that I messed up his relationship, he spent the last hour consoling her, and now in order for him to continue with her they decided he cannot talk to me ever again. He blocked my phone, not FB. I did the whole begging and pleading on FB messenger for 2 days, he read the messages with no response. I deactivated FB and went into NC. I did notice that he unblocked my phone as old messages went through. I also received “drunk dialing” from a mutual friend a day after I deactivated. I don’t think I want him back, I miss him as my friend, but I think it’s maybe more of the idea of him. I don’t know what I’m doing. I just wanted your thoughts. Thank you.

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    Dionne Graham

    May 22, 2019 at 4:17 pm

    Hi Chris, the relationship leading up to the break up was just like normal. We had been together 5 years. I came home from work one day and he said that he doesn’t feel connected to me anymore. He had already packed his things and then left and i haven’t heard from him since. He has even changed his number. That was 5 weeks ago. After the break up i spent alot of time with friend, family and reconnected with old friends. I booked a holiday and have been going to the gym. I do feel alot better now tham i did at the begining but because i dont really know why the relationship ended, because i wasn’t aware there were any issues in the relationship and the fact that he can just walk out of my life and never want to speak to me again after 5 years makes me sick to my stomach. I know i deserve better than the way he ended the relationship but i still can’t help feeling worthless and used. Any advice on how i can move on?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 22, 2019 at 10:29 pm

      Hi Dionne….you are are worthless. You not being in his life is HIS loss. Check out some of my Podcasts on my website that deal with the ex recovery process. Also, my Special Topic eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book” has a lengthy section in it that deals with healing and personal recovery and growth. So give that a look.

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    April 2, 2019 at 12:06 am

    Hey Chris,
    My ex broke up with me a little over a year ago. We were best friends before we dated and then after we dated for 6 months, he told me that he never loved me to begin with and he was slowly realizing it more and more. He asked if we could go back to being friends and I was so emotionally distraught that i decided that maybe we could. We tried that for about 10 months and it went downhill VERY quickly. The fighting was insane and we could never have fun together anymore. I cried constantly, but I still loved him. We finally broke it off a few months ago because he found a girl that he apparently can’t live without. He and this girl both live only 20 minutes away from me and I feel suffocated. It’s been incredibly painful!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 2, 2019 at 4:18 am

      HI Amanda…I am sorry things have been so rough, but there are opportunities for you to explore another path that should be about putting yourself first. It’s your healing, recovery, and personal growth that should take precedent and I have a lot of material on my site that can help you. Who knows what will come of this other relationship and right now, that should be far from your thinking. Explore my website or any of my resource to help your efforts going forward. You will get thru this and there are many recovery activities you can partake in…many of which I discuss on the site and in my eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book”

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    November 4, 2018 at 4:19 pm

    my bf just broke up with me. his reasons were that it just wasnt working out because he didnt love me anymore and he was faking his love for me for a while now. i agree with his reasons and i am glad we broke up with but i miss him. as a person in my life. how do i make sure ill stay friends with him. he wants to stay friends too so thats no issue but i dont see it happening…

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 4, 2018 at 10:30 pm

      Hi there!

      Sorry this just happened to you. Maybe the space will do you both good. Have you considered No Contact? Visit my home page for more info!

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