I Miss My Ex So Badly

“I miss him.”

You find yourself whispering to yourself with a long, withdrawn sigh at 2 in the morning on a random Tuesday.

“I really miss him, though,”

You might say to your friend in a drunken slur to your friend who is helping you home after a Girls’ Night Out.

“Why do I miss him so much?”

I’m all too familiar with these questions. I’m even more familiar with the empty feeling in the pit of the stomach that follows it. I’ve totally been there before.

Occasionally, I even circle back to this feeling, though, not as much anymore.

It’s been almost a year since I broke up with my ex. But, I still miss him on occasion. Most of the time, this feeling is brought on by memories – places we’ve been to, movies we watched, songs we sang along to. Other times, it blindsides me, hitting me when I least expect it. I find this is mostly when I’m doing well and haven’t thought about him in a while.

I know when I miss my ex, my thoughts and emotions go all over the place and I don’t know what to do. If you feel that way too, you’ve probably thought to yourself at one point, “What do I do now?”

Well, let me help you out a bit.

If this is you, I can assume that you are missing your ex boyfriend and you’re not sure what to do to get him back. You can actually focus this feeling on getting him back! Here are some things we need to talk about today:

  1. Understanding Why You Miss Him So Badly
  2. Learning How To Use Your Focus To Get Him To Miss You
  3. How To Stick With No Contact
  4. How Becoming An Ungettable Girl Will Get Your Ex Back

Carefully read through each section and implement each step into your process. If you do this, there is a good chance that you can turn missing your ex into a strength rather than a weakness.

Understanding Why You Miss Him So Badly

Do you ever get into a debate with yourself right before you’re about to eat something because you’re not sure if you’re eating because you’re hungry or if you’re eating because you’re an emotional eater (i.e. bored eating, eating because you’re sad, etc)?

This is what you should be doing when you miss your ex. Instead of wondering why you are eating you are going to consider WHY you miss your ex.

When people actually consider the WHY of why they’re eating, they generally find that it is due to anxiety or boredom. Rarely, do people find themselves staring into the fridge absent-mindedly because they are actually hungry.

It is important to apply the same concept to missing your ex. You should identify why you miss him so that you don’t make yourself feel emotions you don’t need to be feeling. Eliminating the “unnecessary feelings” missing your ex can bring can help you focus on what is making you feel this way.

Identify what is bringing this feeling on.

Let’s start by asking the question,

“Why do you miss your ex?”

Here are some possible answers.

I Miss My Ex Because I’m Lonely

Honestly, this is the most common reason people miss their exes. Loneliness can overcome someone if they are seeing other couples being happy, getting engaged, moving in with each other. It’s common and it’s natural, especially if the breakup was pretty recent.

I Miss My Ex Because Having Him Around Became A Habit

It isn’t him that you miss. It’s just having that connection to someone, a constant presence. This isn’t unusual either. this happens even if your ex is the most annoying person on the planet and even if you were the one who dumped him.

I Miss My Ex Because I Saw An Actual Future With Him

Then there’s the chance that you just had a picture in your head of what life was going to be like with him. And now that he is not in your life, it is hard to picture any other future.

But that’s the time when you have to ask yourself,

“Do I miss him because I really miss him? Or do I miss him because I miss the idea of him?”

I Miss My Ex Because He Is In a New Relationship

Yet again, this is not uncommon.

You were fine until you saw him in a relationship with someone new.

You start to wonder

“Is he doing the same things he did for you to her?”

“Maybe he’s treating her better than he ever treated you?”

“Maybe he’s in a relationship but you haven’t bounced back yet?”

Whatever the reason may be for missing him while he is in a new relationship, it is the very fact that he is in a relationship can be triggering to you.

I Miss My Ex Because I Have No Other Prospects

So, you have started dating again and every guy you’ve met so far doesn’t meet your standards.

Not finding someone to take your mind off your ex can ultimately lead you to that feeling of missing him and wanting him back.

It’s fairly close to that whole “being bored” thing.

I Miss My Ex Because I Was Comfortable With Him

This one is similar to the previous scenario.

You might be subconsciously looking for someone who is like your ex, a replacement.

Or perhaps you are with someone right now, and it just doesn’t feel right because he isn’t your ex?

It’s normal to miss your ex when you are with someone new because dating again or starting new relationships is scary. Your brain is still rewriting that future you had imagined.

It is uncharted territory, especially if the guy is completely different from your ex boyfriend.

But if this is the reason you think you miss your ex boyfriend, you need to take a step back. Learn to let go of your past before you start a new beginning.

I Miss My Ex And I Think I Made A Mistake Dumping Him

You could’ve broken up with him on a whim or in the heat of an argument. It doesn’t take long to regret those things. But it’s pretty hard to admit, even to yourself.

Days go by, maybe even hours, after breaking up with him. You regret ending things and you start to miss him. Perhaps you realize that maybe you do actually love him and all of his flaws.

Okay, so now you know why you miss him. Where do we go from here?

Well, now that you’ve identified WHY you miss him, it’s now time to think about what course you should take moving forward.

If you miss your ex but the reason why has nothing to do with him per se, it’s best to start from the beginning with No Contact and then figure out where to go after you’ve completed it.

Learning How To Use Your Focus To Get Him To Miss You

Now that you understand why you miss your ex, the next question you might be asking yourself is,

“Does he miss me?”

Often times, this is the question we ask right after we first realize we miss our exes, skipping over the understanding why part.

But it’s the WHY that helps you determine which tactic to take.

It could be time to reconsider your reasoning if you miss your ex for reasons that have nothing to do with him:

  • You Are Lonely
  • Having Him Around Was A Habit
  • You Are Still Dealing With Your Expectations
  • He’s In A New Relationship
  • You Haven’t Found a New Guy To Replace Him

None of these have anything to with

  • The type person your ex is
  • If he was good to you
  • If you were happy with him
  • If the problems that caused your breakup are fixable

Giving in to your emotions when the reason behind missing your ex is not based on these factors can lead to catastrophic behavior.

An example would be giving in to the urge to stalk the ex boyfriend’s social media or text him at in the middle of the night saying,

“You up?”

Or worse sending a confession text where you pour out your heart. Those are never good and generally push an ex further away.

We get blinded by the fact that we miss them so much that we throw ourselves into obsessive phases where we watch their every move and try to analyze what it means.

That is not the healthiest choice and definitely not the best choice at all.

So, you have all this energy and you are still deadset on getting your ex back. Well, did you know that you can channel all of that energy into ACTUALLY getting him back rather than obsessing over what he’s doing?

What you want to do is, instead of focusing on missing him, you want to turn that focus on yourself, instead of spending so much time wallowing in self-pity and drowning in obsessive thoughts.

How can you do that?

Simple: Follow the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Process. Execute a complete No Contact and learn how to be an Ungettable Girl.

You can read more about No Contact by clicking here.

Read about No Contact Success Stories by clicking here.

Learn more about becoming Ungettable by clicking here.

So, what is the No Contact Rule?

In every article I write, I like to go over what exactly the No Contact Rule is, or NC to you EBR veterans, so that new readers and members to the EBR program understand what our version of this means.

There are plenty of other cities out there that claim to do what we do. But, where they provide blanket solutions, we like to provide more comprehensive strategies that will help you in your particular situation.

So, they might define No Contact similarly to how we define it.

No Contact is a period of time during which you ignore your ex deliberately.

Our reasoning behind No Contact is to make him miss you more and ultimately allow any negative feelings he might have towards you to dissipate. This simultaneously provides you with an avenue to emotionally recover and grow as an individual.

NC is not a punishment. It’s a healing process.

Most “get your ex back” sites will throw out one random period of time for all situations and say that that is how long you should freeze out your ex. Here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery, we have three lengths of time depending on your situation; 21, 30, or 45 days.

You can read more about this in EBR Pro.

In order to do this, remember that your focus cannot be stuck on your ex.

Return your focus to yourself.

I know, it sounds selfish. But, you have to be a little selfish to achieve Ungettable-ness.

One way you can do this by working on the balance of your Holy Trinity.

I bet you’re wondering

“What’s that?”

Well, “Trinity” means three, and, in this context, “Holy” means important.

So, what are these three important areas of your life you should focus on?

  1. Health
  2. Wealth
  3. Relationships

This is actually a great way to center the focus of your NC on the person that you’re stuck with no matter what: YOU.

For me, I put my main focus on my wealth.

When I was with my ex, he pretty much paid for everything because he was making more money than I was.

After we broke up, I realized that I had become so dependent on him so much so that it was hard to survive on my own.

So, I decided to channel all of that energy into building up my resume. I eventually found jobs that suited my career growth, looked for any creative projects I could manage. And, eventually, I started writing for EBR.

For your situation, you have to decide whether you should focus on just one or all of the Holy Trinity.

You might find that you want to focus more on your relationships. You can do this by reconnecting with friends you haven’t talked to in a while. That could eventually lead to you going out more and meeting new people. For others, it could be going back to church or taking up a different kind of gym routine.

Making sure your Holy Trinity is a balanced triangle can ultimately unleash your inner Ungettable Girl, which we will get into in the last section. But balancing out your Trinity is an awesome step towards being UG, which is not something a lot of girls can achieve. It takes a lot of work and it won’t necessarily be easy. There will be days where you just aren’t confident enough or you relapse into how you felt right after the breakup.

But when you stay focused on your goal to be a better version of yourself, you’ll eventually reach that goal and everyone will notice. Including your ex.

It’s like exes have this magical sixth sense of knowing when you get to a point where you are doing alright without them.

They stalk social media.

They text.

They fake a butt dial.

It’s like they have some kind of ex-spidey-sense.

Now that you know how No Contact and becoming Ungettable can help make your ex miss you, it’s time to get focused on how to make that happen, starting with No Contact.

How To Stick With No Contact

I’ve been part of the EBR Private Facebook Group for about a year now and I’ve seen a ton of success stories from women who completed the EBR program

And to be upfront about it, No Contact is the hardest part for most of our members. It takes extreme willpower to tell yourself no. Some of our ladies end up trying multiple times before actually getting it.

To put it bluntly, they didn’t follow NC as it was meant to be followed. And since we’re being honest I’ll go ahead and put this out there. The more attempts you have to go through, the less likely it is that you’ll be successful in getting your ex back.

That’s part of the beauty of the Facebook Group. It functions as a tool where we remind each other what we’re risking if we give in to our impatience.

For you to make your ex miss you, which is the first goal of NC, you have to leave him alone first. You can’t miss someone if they’re always around, right?

One thing you can do to stick with NC is to remember to breathe in some A.I.R.

A previously written EBR article describes A.I.R. as “a way to deal with what triggers you to reach out to your ex.”

If you want to read more of that article, click here.

“Avoid” the triggers.

Stay clear of anything that you know sends you down that path, so you don’t have to think about your ex as much during No Contact. Think of it as an “out of sight/out of mind” kind of trick.

For me, my trigger was golf, my ex’s favorite sport. Anytime I saw anything related to golf, I’d instantly miss him and want to tell him about whatever I had seen. But when I started avoiding anything that had to go with golf, I didn’t give it a second thought.

“Interrupt” the triggers.

If you can’t avoid the trigger, interrupt it.

Triggers are considered trigger because they set off an emotional response.

In my situation, if I saw something golf related, I would distract myself with something that could calm me down. This keeps you from giving into the temptation to text your ex that you miss him. Interrupt it before it can even think, “Awww, I miss my ex.” It allows you to stay focused on completing No Contact.

“Replace” the desire

You will face the constant desire to text your ex. Find an alternative action.

Here are a few of the alternatives I’ve heard from members:

  • Grab a snack instead of texting an ex.
  • Meditate instead of texting an ex.
  • Snap a rubber band on your wrist instead of texting an ex.
  • Workout instead of texting an ex.

Double the purpose of your alternative by doing something that works toward improving your Holy Trinity.

For me, when I was overcome with the desire to text my ex, I wrote out what I wanted to say in the notepad app on my phone or in my journal as if I was writing to him. But, here’s the thing. I never actually sent them to him. So for me, I replaced the act of actually texting him with writing what I wanted to say to him in a journal. Sometimes just getting those thoughts out there, outside of your mind, is helpful.

Sticking with NC takes a lot of self-discipline and focus. And to make it work properly, the focus cannot be solely on your ex. You have to be willing to turn that focus back to yourself.

So during this period, when it gets too hard to stay dedicated, redirect toward things that will benefit you in the long run.

Free On Demand Coaching
Yes, please

How Becoming An Ungettable Girl Will Get Your Ex Back

I’m going to share with an example of a UG sucess story.

After her boyfriend broke up with her last spring, my cousin Erin decided not to wallow in hurt and instead embraced the Ungettable Girl attitude.

She started going out with her friends to help her keep her life moving… possibly with a little help from tequila and dancing.

She also started spending time reading on the beach, going for walks with her dog, and exercising more.

You know what helped her with all of this?

Social media.

She documented everything on her Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat. It was a confidence boost for her. She chose to love herself and shared with the world the ways she did it and got feedback from people other than her ex.

And can you guess what happened?

Her ex, the man who made the mistake of letting her go, realized she was doing so great without him that he started missing her. And it showed because he started texting her… like everyday.

He texted her and called her so much that she got sick of him.

The thing with being an Ungettable Girl is that it is really easy and simple to understand.

But, being UG isn’t easy.

So, yes,. It is hard work but it’s not unattainable. Your easy-access guide to being UG goes back to your Holy Trinity – health, wealth, and relationships.

Remember: Being the best version of yourself basically turns you into the “Ex Boyfriend Whisperer.”

Hearing that you’re doing well, he will find a way to contact you.

Also, instead of just letting him hear that you’re doing well, let him see that you’re doing well.

Just like in my cousin in the story I shared earlier, use social media to your advantage. You don’t have to tell anyone to pass on the news that you’re doing great. He see it for himself.

If you’re going out on a Friday night with a group of friends, snap some selfies and put them on Instagram. If you’re hitting your personal best at the gym, make it a Snapchat story! If you’re going on a trip, let Facebook know!

Chances are, if you’re documenting it, your ex is reading about it, watching your Instagram stories, debating whether or not to like your most recent selfie.

Why?

Because seeing you look good without him will start to make him miss you… and start to wonder if he isn’t good enough for you to miss him.

For a more detailed guide on how to become an Ungettable Girl, click here.

To find out ways you might be preventing yourself from being Ungettable, click here.

The Take-Away

So, I just overloaded you with a lot of information. I know! It was a lot. But, let’s just take a minute to soak it in and then put it into practice.

You ready?

Okay, so the familiar feeling is overcoming you and all of a sudden you picture your ex and now you’re thinking, “I miss him…”

What do you do?

First, understand why you miss him by identifying your “why”. Is it because you’re lonely? Is it because you miss being in a relationship? Do you miss him or just the idea of him? Whatever the answer, identify it first before you continue with your actions.

Once you’ve identified your WHY, make sure to use your focus to make your ex miss you by following the NC Rule closely and COMPLETELY. By any means do not break it! Work on yourself first instead of worrying about your ex. Make sure your Holy Trinity is in perfect balance so that your UG charm can shine through. And, in moments of weakness, you can lean on the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Private Facebook Group.

Stick with No Contact by breathing some A.I.R. into it – “Avoid” triggers. “Interrupt” them before they can get to you. “Replace” them with other factors that can distract you.

Lastly, become an Ungettable Girl by working on your Holy Trinity and posting everything you do on your social media. All eyes will be on you, and you can bet one pair will belong to your ex. Seeing you being the best version of yourself, a version you probably never were when you were with him, allows him to see what he’s missing out on.

Make sure to follow these steps. Rock No Contact. And Hone your Ungettable Girl charm. So, instead of you missing your ex boyfriend, he will be the one missing you!

Now, in the comments below let’s have a conversation about your situation in the comments below.

I want to know:

  1. All about your relationship and breakup
  2. What you did after your breakup
  3. What you think your next action should be

Our experts will make sure that you are headed int the right direction.

		

Written by EBR Teamate

Janell

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75 Comments on "I Miss My Ex So Badly"

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lucid
Guest
we dated for two years, friends for a total of three..It’s the 2nd day of us being apart. He told his family and i that he was going to marry me recently. bc i did ask. suddenly, he ignored me for a week because he got fed up with how passive aggressive I was being…( i was quite toxic; i doubted his masculinity, made him feel bad about his self worth, i was being clingy and needy…and wanted more attention that he could not provide as he was in school fulltime…) and i regret how awful i became. he also… Read more »
Chris Seiter
Admin
Hi Lucid! (cool name you are using!)…just know that in the days immediately following a breakup, our minds are full of emotions and sometimes crazy notions. So go it slow here until you can get a little more centered. It seems there has been mistakes on both sides. Why don’t you reach out to him and tell him you want to take some quiet space for both of you. That you need to work on some things and so you will be out of the communication loop with him for awhile, but wants to circle back and re calibrate where… Read more »
Lune
Guest
We were in a complicated relationship for almost 4 years and later became boyfriend-girlfriend for 8 months. He broke up with me without any explanation (said he didn’t want to explain). I’m in NCR for almost a month now, taking my time to grief and take care of myself but sometimes I still miss him so bad and it’s really hurtful to think about the idea that everything was over and he will have another girl. I don’t know if I should wait for him to reach out first or text him some time later (I feel so awkward to… Read more »
Chris Seiter
Admin
Hi Lune! I love that…”November Moon”. Very clever and creative! I like it when people tell me there relationships has been 4 years because that gives them some roots to work with. I am sorry he broke up with you without explaining why. I just wrote a post about that. I know that hurts. I think you would benefit from having a game plan. Impossible to go over it all here, but you should look into my ebooks (go to website Menu/Products link). Having a comprehensive blueprint on how to handle the whole process given how things unfold will optimize… Read more »
Paige
Guest
He broke up with me and it’s been 8 weeks and I still can’t make a decision about whether to block him on Facebook for a while or try to remain in sporadic contact with him or to try to get him to meet up with me so I can talk about how confused I am. He was firm with me when we split saying that he didn’t want to leave any hope that we might get back together. But apparently then told a friend that we were “taking time apart” and that he wouldn’t rule out getting back together… Read more »
Chris Seiter
Admin
Hi Paige…love your name! I would argue against blocking. Being obsessive is part of the hormones raging due to the breakup. Everyone goes through this. Find a physical outlet to channel that out of your system and it you will feel better and think better. Paige, I think you are right. It would be unwise to try and push getting back with him anytime soon. Consider some of the resources I make available on my website Menu/Products. I have written some excellent ebooks on the breakup topic and there are some other things you may be interested in. You will… Read more »
Hannah
Guest
My boyfriend and I dated for a couple of months before I went away on a month holiday to see my family overseas. Everything was perfect in the beginning, all his actions pointed to that he’s ready to commit (more so than I was). We agreed to be exclusive quite early on. We kept in touch throughout the whole time while I was away, he’d send me sweet messages such as I love you, I miss you, wish you were here etc. He was really excited to see me when I got back. But the dynamics of our relationship feels… Read more »
Chris Seiter
Admin
Hi Hannah…I love that name! I think having a concerted plan to follow would help along with just understanding how to deal and cope through all the ups and downs of breakups. You can get a lot from my posts here. But if you are looking for a comprehensive blueprint, go to my website Menu/Products link and look around. Lots of resources there. Clearly, there is some connection between the two of you. As to whether it is going to be a long lasting relationship, that is for the two of you to discover. I suspect a form of No… Read more »
May
Guest
We were together for almost three years. After a while we got busy on our own studies but we still managed to meet everytime. Then suddenly he told be he’s confused and dont know what he feels. All I thought was he was busy with his studies that’s why we haven’t talked like our usual routine and he’s not eager to see me that much anymore. Then it happened, he said he wanted our relationship to stop because he’s already “tired” and not happy anymore. At first I didn’t wanna believe this but this is the reason he tells even… Read more »
Chris Seiter
Admin

Hi May. It is hard to know how things will develop. I have some great resources available that might help you which you can find under the Menu tab under products

Jessa
Guest

My ex broke up with me 3 months ago ..we met up for breakfast and he said just let him know when i want to hang out again but idk what to do ? We didnt talk about getting back together we just met up to talk about what was going on in our lives with work and stuff …what should my next move be?

Chris Seiter
Admin

Take things slow, but explore it.

keshah
Guest
I was in a long distance relationship ( from the UK and he lives in Texas) . we never met but we were going to in sep and we lasted 8 months together. Everything was great until the day we broke up and he told me he loved me in the morning and we started to talk about having causal sex with other people and I said a big no to that . we broke up and he told me he has been feeling on and off in love with me for a month and he loves me like a… Read more »
Chris Seiter
Admin

Hi Keshaw…is use to live in Texas. If you haven’t picked up one of my books (menu tab/products) you should because there is lots of info in there that should help you now and later.

keshah
Guest

i feel like it’s hopless trying , what do you think??

Chris Seiter
Admin

Never hopeless…always something to be gained in your endeavors

Kay
Guest
I was with my bf for around 2 years. It was an on and off again relationship. Where he kept saying that he couldn’t commit to a relationship with me yet said we were in a relationship. This has me off balance most of the time where I would watch everything I say and do in case it gave him a reason to break up with me. He broke up with me at the end of last year and we were apart for a few months. I as moving out of the house and when I went to give my… Read more »
Chris Seiter
Admin

Hi Kay…on/off relationships can take a toll. The main thing is look out for yourself. You will get through this and what ever happens, remember you are special. The past is in the past, focus on the future and seek to be the best version of yourself.

Andy
Guest
After 5 months in which we travelled a lot and spent most of time together and i thought we were in love, 2 weeks ago he suddenly told me that he tried to feel something in this time but that he couldn’t and he stayed for my happiness and that he can’t commit anymore in this relationship. I admit that lately i have become a little too attached just because i thought he felt the same, cause we had amazing moments together. I don’t understand. I feel terrible because i feel like i’ve been living in a lie but i… Read more »
Chris Seiter
Admin

Hi Andy…hang in there and utilize some of the advice I cover here on the site and in my ebooks

Amy
Guest
Together for 2 years, i left because he was hanging out with bad people going down a dark path. He immediately jumped into a rebound. We continue,used to stay in touch back and forth, sometimes loving, sometimes angry. He would always say he wantsd to come see me and hang out and I actually saw him once for about 5 minutes after insisting to see me. It finally got to,be too much for me and I told him I was tired of this game he plays so I quit texting him. It would last about a week and then he… Read more »
Chris Seiter
Admin

Yep, it can be confusing when guys act this way. Hang in there Amy. Use my website to put your plan together. Consider my ebooks.

Amy
Guest

I guess what I’m asking is, him doing those things….facebook, messages, texts…..what does it mean?

Chris Seiter
Admin

Interest

Tammy
Guest
Nearing the end of no contact and missing him a lot..I found the beginning to be a little easier near the end because I was focused on my studies. I wrote a post on our relationship on a different article, but long story short – we dated casually since january, i thought we were exclusive sexually, but were permitted to date other people, and he thought dating casually meant sleeping with other people too. I found out he slept with another girl, i got upset and said if i had an std we would have a bigger issue, he looked… Read more »
Chris Seiter
Admin

Overall, I feel like it’s a very achievable goal to just become friends again but even that needs to unfold naturally. The worst thing you can do is try to force things. This isn’t the type of deal that gets fixed overnight. This is the type of deal that takes months.

I think that’s what most of my clients struggle to understand.

Tammy
Guest

Hi Chris,
So…new twist to the story- he gave me an STI and I’ve been in a lot of pain. I had to break no contact early to let him know. This is turning into a huge mess and I don’t know how to feel or how to process things.

Chris Seiter
Admin

I know it feels awful right now, but things will definitely get better for you. Just focus on your needs right now. That is priority.

Tammy
Guest
Update: decided to meet up to talk about everything – I came back from the doctor and am in the process of treatment, we resolved that we both had miscommunication and not enough honesty between us. He said it was weird that I came to his place (when i gave his doorman that letter). I told him I was pretty emotional and that I’m not a perfect person. I told him that I wanted us to be on good terms and get past the bullshit because we are dealing with a bigger issue here and he agreed. He asked what… Read more »
Chris Seiter
Admin

Good job Tammy. You should be proud of yourself for the steps you are taking make things better for YOU. Seeing him probably awakened some old feelings. Just take everything slow…really slow. Better for you and him to process it all. Just little moves. It is like planting little attraction seeds to see if they sprout.

Tammy
Guest
Hey Chris, not sure if I’m the best at “little moves” – any examples? I’ve been keeping him posted about my treatment, etc. and he’s been responsive. He travels a lot for work, so we’ve been talking via WhatsApp even though he’s back home now. My app was lagging and I told him that I would add him on snap and he suggested imessage. I said sure, and asked if he wanted me to unadd him from snap as I had already added him, and he saw that text and didn’t reply. Later in the day, I asked him how… Read more »
Chris Seiter
Admin

Hi Tammy….good to hear from you again..I have been out of town…just got back in. Perhaps more space between contact. Wait for him to initiate. Focus more on YOU…your goals….your aspirations. Treat yourself to little nice things once in awhile. Consider writing down your thoughts in a journal to express your inner self. It is a good way to cope with life’s challenges.

Tammy
Guest

Hey Chris, so I’ve been trying to converse with him and he is giving me something, but then later I kind of flirted and he didn’t say anything back so I feel dumb.. should I just change the topic then?

Chris Seiter
Admin

Hi again Tammy! Wait awhile and try and different tactic. Remember, slow steps. Ultimately, you want him chasing you a bit.

Chris Seiter
Admin

Hi again Tammy! Wait awhile and try and different tactic. Remember, slow steps. Ultimately, you want him chasing you a bit.

Tammy
Guest

Hey Chris, thanks for getting back to me. I’ve been using your tactics and we’ve been able to carry conversations everyday for the past two weeks – he’s been more engaging, friendly and playful. I asked him if he wanted to grab a quick lunch, and that I had a packed week but could make some time. He said, “haha let me see.” Any advice on how to play this? Should I ask him again later? Thanks for your replies!

Chris Seiter
Admin

Hi Tammy…try just laying back and see if he comes to you.

Elle
Guest
I need help. My problem starts with timing: my ex is living in a new city since a few months ago, temporary but without return date. Just living the “adventure”. He doesn’t want anything “complicated” and even if at first he told me that he could talk about us when he returns (I had been building rapport for months when he moved away), now he doesn’t seem to be interested. He told me that he just wants fun and was a little distant during that conversation. I did NC and on day 31 (a week ago) he texted me more… Read more »
Chris Seiter
Admin

Ah the daydream effect!

God that takes me back! Weird, I just daydreamed about the daydream effect haha.

I think what you need to aim for is to actually experience something new together with him. That should make some inroads.

Elle
Guest
Thank you for the answer! Yes, I agree but…he has walls aganist me. Until that last NC, everytime we were getting closer, he stepped back and stopped responding. After that conversation (when he told me that he doesn’t want “complications”) and my NC, I don’t know how the things are because I don’t feel like initiating. Yes, he initiated last time, first one after that moment, and more affectionate than ever. But…I need him to chase, at least once more. I need him to initiate. I keep playing the UG and I am very careful I am afraid to scare… Read more »
Chris Seiter
Admin

LDR can be challenging. Hang in there Elle and if you need more comprehensive help, check out my ebooks (menu tab/products)!

Sarah
Guest
Together for 4 years, he broke it off. Long distance the whole time different countries (400 miles apart) Usually we’d see each other 1 week every 4 to 5 weeks. Get on great most of the time but my mental health started to decline (he knew I suffered from mental health problems from the start) about 15 months ago. I didn’t communicate this with him for various reasons as I was deep in depression. He kept trying to come see me but I kept refusing (regret that now but at the time wasn’t able to process anything properly). 6 months… Read more »
Jennifer Seiter
Editor

I think you have a shot at getting back together but you will have to work on yourself first. Get as much professional help as you can with the depression and the avoidant reactions your having. Depression can hurt the strongest of relationships. Congrats on the 6 days NC. No contact is very difficult and you should start to feel better around day 14-20.

Sarah
Guest
I absolutely plan on working on myself. Like I said losing him brought me out of the depressive state I was in so I can now see everything clearly. I apologised for everything but I know how much pain he is in, he thought he had lost me for months as I didn’t tell him what was going on until now. I am willing to fight for us I’m just not sure it can be fixed? Especially as we are LD and haven’t seen each other in months. If after following all the advice here and there is a chance… Read more »
Jennifer Seiter
Editor

I love your optimism! I definitely think you can fix this. Have you read this guide yet? https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/the-complete-guide-to-getting-an-ex-boyfriend-back-in-a-long-distance-relationship/

Durga
Guest

what if you unfriended on facebook?

Jennifer Seiter
Editor

Are you friends anywhere else? Twitter, instagram, linkedin etc?

Anna
Guest
Hi. My ex and I have been together for nearly three years. We used to argue a lot but everything had been going so smoothly for the past year, maybe even longer. One night I panicked about his smoking and we both got into an argument about it (I wanted him to quit). He broke up with me that night. I was an emotional mess and begged for him back, which I probably shouldn’t have done. He says the real reason we broke up is because he wants to get his life together and focus on himself since he feels… Read more »
Chris Seiter
Admin

You should definitely initiate NC!!!

Ruth
Guest
Hi there! I am in a long distance relationship. We both live in 2 different countries. He came to visit me last May 2017 and spent time together for 2 weeks, this is the first time we met because we only met online in December 2014. We were only chatting and from my side, I wasn’t expecting anything except talking to him during my free time. Before I know it, we were regularly talking. A year after that, I thought I kinda’ start to have some feelings for him and he said he feels the same. But since we are… Read more »
Chris Seiter
Admin

Wow this was long!

I’ll not lie to you… I didn’t read all of it.

But I want so badly to help you. Can you condense this for me by any chance?

Krissy
Guest
HI: My relationship: When we met in 2015, it was an instant match, we fell in love and it was awesome. We did so many wonderful things together and we did long distance for a bit (1hr 30 min). I had broken up with him a couple times on the long distance because it was hard for me. But then, I eventually moved in with him to be closer to him (august 2016). I got a job near our town and it worked out. However, I was missing home and he thought I didn’t want to be living with him… Read more »
Chris Seiter
Admin

So, tax season rolls around and he loses his sh*t… sounds like me haha.

Sorry, bad joke.

So, by my estimate it’s been almost a month of NC now?

Any more recent updates you can tell me about?

Krissy
Guest
Hi Chris: Yes it has been almost a month of NC. Nothing new has happened. I do want to point out that when we broke up in November, I asked him why he even came back in July and he replied with “in retrospect I shouldn’t have and I will never do that again.” But he was hugging me and crying and saying we had so many wonderful memories together. I saved some messages he had texted me back in July when we got back together and that is what is messing with my head so much. He said “I… Read more »
Chris Seiter
Admin

Unbroken NC?

Also, is there a specific question you were wondering about?

Krissy
Guest

Yes, unbroken, It has been 25 days now of no contact….but I feel like if I were to contact him he would just not respond. I am wondering if you think it is totally over, and he has decided he will never come back, or what you think I should do? I really want him back but I am afraid he will just keep dumping me if he does come back….

Chris Seiter
Admin

So, I’ve done this for a long time.

If you do reach out to him your text needs to have some curiosity text.

Krissy
Guest

Yes, it has now been 26 days of no contact. I am wondering if you think it is totally over and if I should move on or if you think he might come back. I feel like if I try to contact him, he just won’t answer.

Chris Seiter
Admin

I wouldn’t go as far as saying that exactly. Especially when you haven’t even tried anything with me yet!

Try not to look at this as a process where you are saying the perfect thing to get him back. It doesn’t work that way. Just keep your nose to the grindstone and lets work through this step by step.

Krissy
Guest

ok! how long do you think I should continue the NC for? What kind of curious text should I send?

Chris Seiter
Admin

Curiosity can be built in a lot of different ways.

For example,

“You won’t believe what just happened to me…”

“I have a confession to make…”

These are all examples of curiosity hooks. Then you want to find something that interests him and include them in your text.

Krissy
Guest

thanks, how much longer of no contact do you think I should do? Today is 28 days

Chris Seiter
Admin

3 days! Respond after that 🙂

Krissy
Guest

HI Chris: I am afraid to contact my ex because it is still tax season. I am scared that he just won’t answer and I can’t think of anything curious that he would answer. Do you think I should extend my no contact or just try anyway?

Chris Seiter
Admin

Hi Krissy. Yes, tax season can create some stress for folks. But its ending early next week, so you can certainly wait a few days more.

Krissy
Guest
Hi Chris: I sent an email to him and i said this “I was wondering if I could have your input about something? I am actually really excited; my credit is the highest it’s ever been (732) and I would like to try and increase it even more. It gives me suggestions, but I remember you are the pro at money advice and would really appreciate your thoughts. Anyway, I hope you are well : ) I know tax season is coming to an end and this must be stressful for you. I look forward to hearing from you.” was… Read more »
Chris Seiter
Admin

Hi Krissey!! Yes, I like it. But no worries if you don’t get a response or the response you get is neutral. Its part of the process. I discuss that at length in my ebooks and posts. If you are concerned with tapping into the right text messages, consider my ebook, The Texting Bible!

Krissy
Guest

he didn’t respond…but i saw on match.com that he looked at my profile. what should I do? this is the second time i’ve reached out and nothing…

Chris Seiter
Admin

Krissy…just continue to follow the blueprint covered in my ebook when you encounter roadblocks. A no response is not unusual. Think of this as a process. Its a good sign he is still checking you out, so hope is not out the window.

Krissy
Guest
Hi I bought the texting bible and it says for me to reassess in a couple weeks. I just want to let you know exactly how many times I’ve reached out so that you can help me decide if I should move on or not. -Broke up Thanksgiving weekend 2017 (this was the 3rd time we broke up) -I tried to get him to talk to me one night a couple days later and I called him saying I love him but he didn’t answer. -I started no contact but then texted him couple days later about how I thought… Read more »
Chris Seiter
Admin
Hey there Krissy…nice to hear from you again. That is a big book. A lot of research went into that resource. The odds are reduced, but I sure wouldn’t say you have lost him forever. You guys have history. Yes, breaking up 3 times is far from ideal. But to have gotten back together means there is enough that is working to pull you each into the other’s orbit. Maybe you just go through a quiet spell with him for a while. Just live your life. Work on your goals. Date other guys. That can circle back to him and… Read more »
Krissy
Guest

okay thank you!

Krissy
Guest

Hi Chris:

You are NOT going to believe this lol but today I was like that’s it I’m just going to live my life…and last night I was like I’m sending him a message that I am not reaching out anymore…well you can guess what comes next…we are back together LOL…I honestly have to thank you because you’re the only reason why I had that courage today. THANK YOU!

Chris Seiter
Admin

I am happy for you Krissy. Take things slow. Little steps.

Krissy
Guest

how do i make him stay now?