By Janell

“I miss him.”

You find yourself whispering to yourself with a long, withdrawn sigh at 2 in the morning on a random Tuesday.

“I really miss him, though,”

You might say to your friend in a drunken slur to your friend who is helping you home after a Girls’ Night Out.

“Why do I miss him so much?”

I’m all too familiar with these questions. I’m even more familiar with the empty feeling in the pit of the stomach that follows it. I’ve totally been there before.

Occasionally, I even circle back to this feeling, though, not as much anymore.

It’s been almost a year since I broke up with my ex. But, I still miss him on occasion. Most of the time, this feeling is brought on by memories – places we’ve been to, movies we watched, songs we sang along to. Other times, it blindsides me, hitting me when I least expect it. I find this is mostly when I’m doing well and haven’t thought about him in a while.

I know when I miss my ex, my thoughts and emotions go all over the place and I don’t know what to do. If you feel that way too, you’ve probably thought to yourself at one point, “What do I do now?”

Well, let me help you out a bit.

If this is you, I can assume that you are missing your ex boyfriend and you’re not sure what to do to get him back. You can actually focus this feeling on getting him back! Here are some things we need to talk about today:

  1. Understanding Why You Miss Him So Badly
  2. Learning How To Use Your Focus To Get Him To Miss You
  3. How To Stick With No Contact
  4. How Becoming An Ungettable Girl Will Get Your Ex Back

Carefully read through each section and implement each step into your process. If you do this, there is a good chance that you can turn missing your ex into a strength rather than a weakness.

Understanding Why You Miss Him So Badly

Do you ever get into a debate with yourself right before you’re about to eat something because you’re not sure if you’re eating because you’re hungry or if you’re eating because you’re an emotional eater (i.e. bored eating, eating because you’re sad, etc)?

This is what you should be doing when you miss your ex. Instead of wondering why you are eating you are going to consider WHY you miss your ex.

When people actually consider the WHY of why they’re eating, they generally find that it is due to anxiety or boredom. Rarely, do people find themselves staring into the fridge absent-mindedly because they are actually hungry.

It is important to apply the same concept to missing your ex. You should identify why you miss him so that you don’t make yourself feel emotions you don’t need to be feeling. Eliminating the “unnecessary feelings” missing your ex can bring can help you focus on what is making you feel this way.

Identify what is bringing this feeling on.

Let’s start by asking the question,

“Why do you miss your ex?”

Here are some possible answers.

I Miss My Ex Because I’m Lonely

Honestly, this is the most common reason people miss their exes. Loneliness can overcome someone if they are seeing other couples being happy, getting engaged, moving in with each other. It’s common and it’s natural, especially if the breakup was pretty recent.

I Miss My Ex Because Having Him Around Became A Habit

It isn’t him that you miss. It’s just having that connection to someone, a constant presence. This isn’t unusual either. this happens even if your ex is the most annoying person on the planet and even if you were the one who dumped him.

I Miss My Ex Because I Saw An Actual Future With Him

Then there’s the chance that you just had a picture in your head of what life was going to be like with him. And now that he is not in your life, it is hard to picture any other future.

But that’s the time when you have to ask yourself,

“Do I miss him because I really miss him? Or do I miss him because I miss the idea of him?”

I Miss My Ex Because He Is In a New Relationship

Yet again, this is not uncommon.

You were fine until you saw him in a relationship with someone new.

You start to wonder

“Is he doing the same things he did for you to her?”

“Maybe he’s treating her better than he ever treated you?”

“Maybe he’s in a relationship but you haven’t bounced back yet?”

Whatever the reason may be for missing him while he is in a new relationship, it is the very fact that he is in a relationship can be triggering to you.

I Miss My Ex Because I Have No Other Prospects

So, you have started dating again and every guy you’ve met so far doesn’t meet your standards.

Not finding someone to take your mind off your ex can ultimately lead you to that feeling of missing him and wanting him back.

It’s fairly close to that whole “being bored” thing.

I Miss My Ex Because I Was Comfortable With Him

This one is similar to the previous scenario.

You might be subconsciously looking for someone who is like your ex, a replacement.

Or perhaps you are with someone right now, and it just doesn’t feel right because he isn’t your ex?

It’s normal to miss your ex when you are with someone new because dating again or starting new relationships is scary. Your brain is still rewriting that future you had imagined.

It is uncharted territory, especially if the guy is completely different from your ex boyfriend.

But if this is the reason you think you miss your ex boyfriend, you need to take a step back. Learn to let go of your past before you start a new beginning.

I Miss My Ex And I Think I Made A Mistake Dumping Him

You could’ve broken up with him on a whim or in the heat of an argument. It doesn’t take long to regret those things. But it’s pretty hard to admit, even to yourself.

Days go by, maybe even hours, after breaking up with him. You regret ending things and you start to miss him. Perhaps you realize that maybe you do actually love him and all of his flaws.

Okay, so now you know why you miss him. Where do we go from here?

Well, now that you’ve identified WHY you miss him, it’s now time to think about what course you should take moving forward.

If you miss your ex but the reason why has nothing to do with him per se, it’s best to start from the beginning with No Contact and then figure out where to go after you’ve completed it.

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Learning How To Use Your Focus To Get Him To Miss You

Now that you understand why you miss your ex, the next question you might be asking yourself is,

“Does he miss me?”

Often times, this is the question we ask right after we first realize we miss our exes, skipping over the understanding why part.

But it’s the WHY that helps you determine which tactic to take.

It could be time to reconsider your reasoning if you miss your ex for reasons that have nothing to do with him:

  • You Are Lonely
  • Having Him Around Was A Habit
  • You Are Still Dealing With Your Expectations
  • He’s In A New Relationship
  • You Haven’t Found a New Guy To Replace Him

None of these have anything to with

  • The type person your ex is
  • If he was good to you
  • If you were happy with him
  • If the problems that caused your breakup are fixable

Giving in to your emotions when the reason behind missing your ex is not based on these factors can lead to catastrophic behavior.

An example would be giving in to the urge to stalk the ex boyfriend’s social media or text him at in the middle of the night saying,

“You up?”

Or worse sending a confession text where you pour out your heart. Those are never good and generally push an ex further away.

We get blinded by the fact that we miss them so much that we throw ourselves into obsessive phases where we watch their every move and try to analyze what it means.

That is not the healthiest choice and definitely not the best choice at all.

So, you have all this energy and you are still deadset on getting your ex back. Well, did you know that you can channel all of that energy into ACTUALLY getting him back rather than obsessing over what he’s doing?

What you want to do is, instead of focusing on missing him, you want to turn that focus on yourself, instead of spending so much time wallowing in self-pity and drowning in obsessive thoughts.

How can you do that?

Simple: Follow the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Process. Execute a complete No Contact and learn how to be an Ungettable Girl.

You can read more about No Contact by clicking here.

Read about No Contact Success Stories by clicking here.

Learn more about becoming Ungettable by clicking here.

So, what is the No Contact Rule?

In every article I write, I like to go over what exactly the No Contact Rule is, or NC to you EBR veterans, so that new readers and members to the EBR program understand what our version of this means.

There are plenty of other cities out there that claim to do what we do. But, where they provide blanket solutions, we like to provide more comprehensive strategies that will help you in your particular situation.

So, they might define No Contact similarly to how we define it.

No Contact is a period of time during which you ignore your ex deliberately.

Our reasoning behind No Contact is to make him miss you more and ultimately allow any negative feelings he might have towards you to dissipate. This simultaneously provides you with an avenue to emotionally recover and grow as an individual.

NC is not a punishment. It’s a healing process.

Most “get your ex back” sites will throw out one random period of time for all situations and say that that is how long you should freeze out your ex. Here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery, we have three lengths of time depending on your situation; 21, 30, or 45 days.

You can read more about this in EBR Pro.

In order to do this, remember that your focus cannot be stuck on your ex.

Return your focus to yourself.

I know, it sounds selfish. But, you have to be a little selfish to achieve Ungettable-ness.

One way you can do this by working on the balance of your Holy Trinity.

I bet you’re wondering

“What’s that?”

Well, “Trinity” means three, and, in this context, “Holy” means important.

So, what are these three important areas of your life you should focus on?

  1. Health
  2. Wealth
  3. Relationships

This is actually a great way to center the focus of your NC on the person that you’re stuck with no matter what: YOU.

For me, I put my main focus on my wealth.

When I was with my ex, he pretty much paid for everything because he was making more money than I was.

After we broke up, I realized that I had become so dependent on him so much so that it was hard to survive on my own.

So, I decided to channel all of that energy into building up my resume. I eventually found jobs that suited my career growth, looked for any creative projects I could manage. And, eventually, I started writing for EBR.

For your situation, you have to decide whether you should focus on just one or all of the Holy Trinity.

You might find that you want to focus more on your relationships. You can do this by reconnecting with friends you haven’t talked to in a while. That could eventually lead to you going out more and meeting new people. For others, it could be going back to church or taking up a different kind of gym routine.

Making sure your Holy Trinity is a balanced triangle can ultimately unleash your inner Ungettable Girl, which we will get into in the last section. But balancing out your Trinity is an awesome step towards being UG, which is not something a lot of girls can achieve. It takes a lot of work and it won’t necessarily be easy. There will be days where you just aren’t confident enough or you relapse into how you felt right after the breakup.

But when you stay focused on your goal to be a better version of yourself, you’ll eventually reach that goal and everyone will notice. Including your ex.

It’s like exes have this magical sixth sense of knowing when you get to a point where you are doing alright without them.

They stalk social media.

They text.

They fake a butt dial.

It’s like they have some kind of ex-spidey-sense.

Now that you know how No Contact and becoming Ungettable can help make your ex miss you, it’s time to get focused on how to make that happen, starting with No Contact.

How To Stick With No Contact

I’ve been part of the EBR Private Facebook Group for about a year now and I’ve seen a ton of success stories from women who completed the EBR program

And to be upfront about it, No Contact is the hardest part for most of our members. It takes extreme willpower to tell yourself no. Some of our ladies end up trying multiple times before actually getting it.

To put it bluntly, they didn’t follow NC as it was meant to be followed. And since we’re being honest I’ll go ahead and put this out there. The more attempts you have to go through, the less likely it is that you’ll be successful in getting your ex back.

That’s part of the beauty of the Facebook Group. It functions as a tool where we remind each other what we’re risking if we give in to our impatience.

For you to make your ex miss you, which is the first goal of NC, you have to leave him alone first. You can’t miss someone if they’re always around, right?

One thing you can do to stick with NC is to remember to breathe in some A.I.R.

A previously written EBR article describes A.I.R. as “a way to deal with what triggers you to reach out to your ex.”

If you want to read more of that article, click here.

“Avoid” the triggers.

Stay clear of anything that you know sends you down that path, so you don’t have to think about your ex as much during No Contact. Think of it as an “out of sight/out of mind” kind of trick.

For me, my trigger was golf, my ex’s favorite sport. Anytime I saw anything related to golf, I’d instantly miss him and want to tell him about whatever I had seen. But when I started avoiding anything that had to go with golf, I didn’t give it a second thought.

“Interrupt” the triggers.

If you can’t avoid the trigger, interrupt it.

Triggers are considered trigger because they set off an emotional response.

In my situation, if I saw something golf related, I would distract myself with something that could calm me down. This keeps you from giving into the temptation to text your ex that you miss him. Interrupt it before it can even think, “Awww, I miss my ex.” It allows you to stay focused on completing No Contact.

“Replace” the desire

You will face the constant desire to text your ex. Find an alternative action.

Here are a few of the alternatives I’ve heard from members:

  • Grab a snack instead of texting an ex.
  • Meditate instead of texting an ex.
  • Snap a rubber band on your wrist instead of texting an ex.
  • Workout instead of texting an ex.

Double the purpose of your alternative by doing something that works toward improving your Holy Trinity.

For me, when I was overcome with the desire to text my ex, I wrote out what I wanted to say in the notepad app on my phone or in my journal as if I was writing to him. But, here’s the thing. I never actually sent them to him. So for me, I replaced the act of actually texting him with writing what I wanted to say to him in a journal. Sometimes just getting those thoughts out there, outside of your mind, is helpful.

Sticking with NC takes a lot of self-discipline and focus. And to make it work properly, the focus cannot be solely on your ex. You have to be willing to turn that focus back to yourself.

So during this period, when it gets too hard to stay dedicated, redirect toward things that will benefit you in the long run.

Free On Demand Coaching
Yes, please

How Becoming An Ungettable Girl Will Get Your Ex Back

I’m going to share with an example of a UG sucess story.

After her boyfriend broke up with her last spring, my cousin Erin decided not to wallow in hurt and instead embraced the Ungettable Girl attitude.

She started going out with her friends to help her keep her life moving… possibly with a little help from tequila and dancing.

She also started spending time reading on the beach, going for walks with her dog, and exercising more.

You know what helped her with all of this?

Social media.

She documented everything on her Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat. It was a confidence boost for her. She chose to love herself and shared with the world the ways she did it and got feedback from people other than her ex.

And can you guess what happened?

Her ex, the man who made the mistake of letting her go, realized she was doing so great without him that he started missing her. And it showed because he started texting her… like everyday.

He texted her and called her so much that she got sick of him.

The thing with being an Ungettable Girl is that it is really easy and simple to understand.

But, being UG isn’t easy.

So, yes,. It is hard work but it’s not unattainable. Your easy-access guide to being UG goes back to your Holy Trinity – health, wealth, and relationships.

Remember: Being the best version of yourself basically turns you into the “Ex Boyfriend Whisperer.”

Hearing that you’re doing well, he will find a way to contact you.

Also, instead of just letting him hear that you’re doing well, let him see that you’re doing well.

Just like in my cousin in the story I shared earlier, use social media to your advantage. You don’t have to tell anyone to pass on the news that you’re doing great. He see it for himself.

If you’re going out on a Friday night with a group of friends, snap some selfies and put them on Instagram. If you’re hitting your personal best at the gym, make it a Snapchat story! If you’re going on a trip, let Facebook know!

Chances are, if you’re documenting it, your ex is reading about it, watching your Instagram stories, debating whether or not to like your most recent selfie.

Why?

Because seeing you look good without him will start to make him miss you… and start to wonder if he isn’t good enough for you to miss him.

For a more detailed guide on how to become an Ungettable Girl, click here.

To find out ways you might be preventing yourself from being Ungettable, click here.

The Take-Away

 

So, I just overloaded you with a lot of information. I know! It was a lot. But, let’s just take a minute to soak it in and then put it into practice.

You ready?

Okay, so the familiar feeling is overcoming you and all of a sudden you picture your ex and now you’re thinking, “I miss him…”

What do you do?

First, understand why you miss him by identifying your “why”. Is it because you’re lonely? Is it because you miss being in a relationship? Do you miss him or just the idea of him? Whatever the answer, identify it first before you continue with your actions.

Once you’ve identified your WHY, make sure to use your focus to make your ex miss you by following the NC Rule closely and COMPLETELY. By any means do not break it! Work on yourself first instead of worrying about your ex. Make sure your Holy Trinity is in perfect balance so that your UG charm can shine through. And, in moments of weakness, you can lean on the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Private Facebook Group.

Stick with No Contact by breathing some A.I.R. into it – “Avoid” triggers. “Interrupt” them before they can get to you. “Replace” them with other factors that can distract you.

Lastly, become an Ungettable Girl by working on your Holy Trinity and posting everything you do on your social media. All eyes will be on you, and you can bet one pair will belong to your ex. Seeing you being the best version of yourself, a version you probably never were when you were with him, allows him to see what he’s missing out on.

Make sure to follow these steps. Rock No Contact. And Hone your Ungettable Girl charm. So, instead of you missing your ex boyfriend, he will be the one missing you!

Now, in the comments below let’s have a conversation about your situation in the comments below.

I want to know:

  1. All about your relationship and breakup
  2. What you did after your breakup
  3. What you think your next action should be

Our experts will make sure that you are headed int the right direction.

82 thoughts on “I Miss My Ex So Badly”

  1. lucid

    April 24, 2018 at 6:45 pm

    we dated for two years, friends for a total of three..It’s the 2nd day of us being apart. He told his family and i that he was going to marry me recently. bc i did ask. suddenly, he ignored me for a week because he got fed up with how passive aggressive I was being…( i was quite toxic; i doubted his masculinity, made him feel bad about his self worth, i was being clingy and needy…and wanted more attention that he could not provide as he was in school fulltime…) and i regret how awful i became. he also said he didn’t want to hurt me anymore, WHAT A NICE GUY TACTIC, and i asked him because he couldnt speak. he was silent for a while. “you dont love me anymore?” took a long pause and he said yea. so i left. and then it ended.

    i want to hope that we’ll get back together because i told him ill change. he said apart of him doesnt believe that. so its over. but sdkj hes just under alot of stress with school and i couldnt help ease that stress. *sigh.

    but we’re over. so i need to internalize that and work on myself.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 24, 2018 at 8:21 pm

      Hi Lucid! (cool name you are using!)…just know that in the days immediately following a breakup, our minds are full of emotions and sometimes crazy notions. So go it slow here until you can get a little more centered. It seems there has been mistakes on both sides. Why don’t you reach out to him and tell him you want to take some quiet space for both of you. That you need to work on some things and so you will be out of the communication loop with him for awhile, but wants to circle back and re calibrate where things are. That way knows. He and you both will likely benefit from the space (lack of communication). Have you picked up my ebook, Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro, because it is a great comprehensive Companion Guide that will help you with all facets of a breakup situation? You can click on my website Menu/Products link to get more information! I see upside here. Just make sure you have good blueprint to follow and execute your plan.

  2. Lune

    April 18, 2018 at 6:19 pm

    We were in a complicated relationship for almost 4 years and later became boyfriend-girlfriend for 8 months. He broke up with me without any explanation (said he didn’t want to explain). I’m in NCR for almost a month now, taking my time to grief and take care of myself but sometimes I still miss him so bad and it’s really hurtful to think about the idea that everything was over and he will have another girl. I don’t know if I should wait for him to reach out first or text him some time later (I feel so awkward to send a message out of the blue so I think I’ll send him a message on his birthday – which is some months later)?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 18, 2018 at 10:05 pm

      Hi Lune! I love that…”November Moon”. Very clever and creative! I like it when people tell me there relationships has been 4 years because that gives them some roots to work with. I am sorry he broke up with you without explaining why. I just wrote a post about that. I know that hurts. I think you would benefit from having a game plan. Impossible to go over it all here, but you should look into my ebooks (go to website Menu/Products link). Having a comprehensive blueprint on how to handle the whole process given how things unfold will optimize your chances. Let me know how things proceed! And by the way….go out and look at the moon tonight. Make a wish. It might come true!

  3. Paige

    April 16, 2018 at 4:00 pm

    He broke up with me and it’s been 8 weeks and I still can’t make a decision about whether to block him on Facebook for a while or try to remain in sporadic contact with him or to try to get him to meet up with me so I can talk about how confused I am.

    He was firm with me when we split saying that he didn’t want to leave any hope that we might get back together. But apparently then told a friend that we were “taking time apart” and that he wouldn’t rule out getting back together in the future but right now he doesn’t want to be in a relationship. Since then he’s refused to talk about it with anyone, saying it’s not been on his mind because he’s at peace with his decision and that his previous comment had been him trying to sound less harsh.

    He’s started liking most of my stuff on Instagram (which I’ve unfollowed him on) and Facebook again, but on the rare occasions I’ve had to contact him to organise getting my things or just to be friendly and polite, he’ll read it and take days to reply and the message will be uncomfortable and cold, like he doesn’t know me. It was a complete personality snap from pre and post breakup.

    I find myself obsessing when I post things on Instagram about whether he’ll like it or not, which I think makes everything harder.

    We met up a month ago so I could talk about how I felt about everything since I didn’t get a chance to when he told me he wanted to break up because it was so out of the blue for me. He was much warmer when interacting in person and everything has been kept quite civil.

    I do still want to get back together but I don’t think there’s chance of getting back together anytime soon. And even then there’s no guarantee we ever will. I just really miss him and am scared to do the wrong thing. I’m worried that if I block him, it’ll just alienate him further from me and push him to move on quicker, but if I don’t then there’s constant reminders of him and I’m worried I’ll see something I don’t want to.

    We split up before around a year a half ago for very similar reasons and he said very similar definite sounding things, but we still got back together. Our reunion last time came from me getting very ill mentally and concern prompted him to spend time with me. Things just grew from there. We got engaged.

    I am just as hurt and confused this time around but I have hidden this from him. What should I do?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 18, 2018 at 2:54 am

      Hi Paige…love your name! I would argue against blocking. Being obsessive is part of the hormones raging due to the breakup. Everyone goes through this. Find a physical outlet to channel that out of your system and it you will feel better and think better. Paige, I think you are right. It would be unwise to try and push getting back with him anytime soon. Consider some of the resources I make available on my website Menu/Products. I have written some excellent ebooks on the breakup topic and there are some other things you may be interested in. You will want a plan and a comprehensive system you can follow, so take a look at that. And you need to focus on your own healing…that is the other side of ex recovery. Focusing on self. Thanks Paige and best of luck. Keep me in the loop!

  4. Hannah

    April 14, 2018 at 3:13 am

    My boyfriend and I dated for a couple of months before I went away on a month holiday to see my family overseas. Everything was perfect in the beginning, all his actions pointed to that he’s ready to commit (more so than I was). We agreed to be exclusive quite early on. We kept in touch throughout the whole time while I was away, he’d send me sweet messages such as I love you, I miss you, wish you were here etc. He was really excited to see me when I got back. But the dynamics of our relationship feels like it had changed. Maybe because he got used to being alone again or he romantized our reunion and the reality didn’t meet the expections? I’m not sure. We were both busy so we didn’t get to spend much time together. I felt us drifting apart so I asked to spend a bit more time with him when he’s available and he agreed to try harder. After a week, he started giving me the silent treatment, there was no conflict. I couldn’t see him because he was away on a business trip. We talked when he got back a week later and he said his feelings for me had changed and he doesn’t know what to do, so I asked him to give us a bit more time. We were supposed to meet up for lunch that day, he cancelled on me at the last minute and said he doesn’t think extra time is going to change his mind and broke up with me. I’ve been trying to get him to have a conversation with me since then, I’ve texted him, telling him what I think went wrong and I’d like him to give us another chance. He’s been giving me excuses after excuses about how he’s busy and keeps cancelling on our planned meetings to “talk”. But he agreed to hang out a few times where we watched a movie, chilled out and had sex. He still has all the stuff that I’ve given him at his place. The difference is that he always tells me I can’t stay over because he has stuff on in the morning and he only touch me when it’s necessary. The weeks of dragging this out has put a lot of negativity and heaviness between us. What’s my best course of action from here onwards?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 14, 2018 at 3:49 am

      Hi Hannah…I love that name! I think having a concerted plan to follow would help along with just understanding how to deal and cope through all the ups and downs of breakups. You can get a lot from my posts here. But if you are looking for a comprehensive blueprint, go to my website Menu/Products link and look around. Lots of resources there. Clearly, there is some connection between the two of you. As to whether it is going to be a long lasting relationship, that is for the two of you to discover. I suspect a form of No Contact might help rebuild the attraction and increase your value in his eyes as well as allow you to focus on your needs.

  5. May

    April 9, 2018 at 9:05 pm

    We were together for almost three years. After a while we got busy on our own studies but we still managed to meet everytime. Then suddenly he told be he’s confused and dont know what he feels. All I thought was he was busy with his studies that’s why we haven’t talked like our usual routine and he’s not eager to see me that much anymore. Then it happened, he said he wanted our relationship to stop because he’s already “tired” and not happy anymore. At first I didn’t wanna believe this but this is the reason he tells even to my friends. He even said that there was no third party. Ofcourse I showed vulnerability and begged him to fix it but he told me that he was really decided that he doesnt want it anymore. But then, I had a gut feeling. and yeah i was right, he has a crush/admiration on a girl in his univ. Technically he didnt cheat because he broke up with before really seeing this girl, but I know that even we were still together he already developed this admiration for that girl. Now I’m on my 9th day of NC ( he broke up with me march 6 but there was a period of time when I send him messages and he would reply but very cold replies, my last message was on April 1) and I dont know what to do after considering that he and the girl might be dating after a while of my NC.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 11, 2018 at 12:23 am

      Hi May. It is hard to know how things will develop. I have some great resources available that might help you which you can find under the Menu tab under products

  6. Jessa

    April 9, 2018 at 8:33 pm

    My ex broke up with me 3 months ago ..we met up for breakfast and he said just let him know when i want to hang out again but idk what to do ? We didnt talk about getting back together we just met up to talk about what was going on in our lives with work and stuff …what should my next move be?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 11, 2018 at 12:29 am

      Take things slow, but explore it.

  7. keshah

    April 9, 2018 at 5:03 pm

    I was in a long distance relationship ( from the UK and he lives in Texas) . we never met but we were going to in sep and we lasted 8 months together. Everything was great until the day we broke up and he told me he loved me in the morning and we started to talk about having causal sex with other people and I said a big no to that . we broke up and he told me he has been feeling on and off in love with me for a month and he loves me like a friend rn and he is confused and I was like ok. he then told me he has a crush on another girl and met with her, they kissed and the next day he told me but said it didn’t feel right because of the guilt. I started the NC but broke it like 3 weeks into it and we spoke on the phone. Everything was ok until he brought up hes talking to 3 girls randomly and I went quiet. we argued back an forward for like 3 hours and hung up. I then texted him the next day saying sorry for behaving like that and that I wish him luck and I love him. that was the last time we spoke. He still wears the necklace with my name and our date on it and apparently is seeing a girl who is not his type. He doesn’t post pictures in insta or snapchat and he did on the day I send him my goodbye text which was strange. last Wednesday I got a text from the “new girl” from his phone asking what’s up and how’s life but I didnt reply . I spoke to one of his girl friends and she told me that he doesnt even hang out with her at lunch even though they have it together. He sends me a goodmorning and gnight text on Snapchat everyday but I don’t respond. It’s been like 2 weeks now and I have to do 2 more weeks but it’s so strange why he still wears my necklace and the text. I have lost 20 pounds and am following what your blogs and YouTube videos say but I don’t know because he is more a thinker so he made him self stop loving me in a way and he said that indirectly to me which I pointed out to him but he said that’s not true. His eyes tell me a lot about him and his eyes were so sad and depressed the day we spoke on FaceTime for the last time which was a week after the breakup . I know you said if we haven’t met that this doesn’t count as a relationship but he started to like me without seeingme before I even skyped him which was 3 months into being friends . I guess you could say we fell in love with our souls before we fell in love with our physical features. there’s this chemistry that’s like fire between us even though we haven’t met but it’s crazy. I know he still has feelings but wants to ” see what’s out there as im too young to settle in a way and like how can I meet my soul mate in this age” even though he always bought up the idea of a future especially having a kid called draco which I made him obsessed about . but ya im so unsure of everything because everything was great until the last month were my insecurity took over and I was like ” you can’t hang out with your girl friends because let be honest they are a bit hoeish” which is true because they did flirt with him but he never flirtrd back. Now I know my mistakes I made and I’ve changed back into the me he fell in love with and the me he showed me that I didn’t even know existed. I dont know what to text him once the no contacts over because I did the NC but broke it after 2 1/2weeks with the reminder text and if I send another one like that, it would be very fishy and he will catch on. I dont know, help me please

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 11, 2018 at 12:45 am

      Hi Keshaw…is use to live in Texas. If you haven’t picked up one of my books (menu tab/products) you should because there is lots of info in there that should help you now and later.

    2. keshah

      April 12, 2018 at 4:12 pm

      i feel like it’s hopless trying , what do you think??

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 12, 2018 at 4:18 pm

      Never hopeless…always something to be gained in your endeavors

  8. Kay

    April 9, 2018 at 2:05 pm

    I was with my bf for around 2 years. It was
    an on and off again relationship. Where he kept saying that he couldn’t commit to a relationship with me yet said we were in a relationship. This has me off balance most of the time where I would watch everything I say and do in case it gave him a reason to break up with me. He broke up with me at the end of last year and we were apart for a few months. I as moving out of the house and when I went to give my key back he said he realises he has contributed to the problems in our relationship. He was seeking help from a psychologist for his commitment issues and asked me if he could sort out his problems would I be willing to work things out with him. I said yes and in this time we still saw eachother. I fell pregnant and he said he was certain, and my hopes were up till a few days later he said he wasn’t sure anymore. I had a tough time and really went off the deep end. My living arrangements were bad at the time and I had to get off medication for the pregnancy. He said he needed time than asked me to terminate the pregnancy due to the medication I was taking. He said some pretty horrible things to me saying he doesn’t want a child with me, after being certain. He kept giving me mixed messages saying if I didn’t go through with the pregnancy, we are over. I didn’t keep the child as I had to go back on medication as i was getting suicidal thoughts through this tough time and the medication causes birth defects. A few days after the termination he broke up with me and said I was an emotional abuser and manipulator and that he doesn’t have commitment issues he just can’t commit to me. He said I am a beautiful person and I’m not all at fault. I reacted quite badly throughout the pregnancy and was suicidal. His uncertainty after being certain really hit me hard. Coming off the medication I was calling him names and said he ruined my life. The withdrawal of medication impacts people to have suicidal thoughts. He said that my reaction is no excuse and he loves me and I know it so to be that way is really manipulative and abusive. I apologised for it all and it made no difference. I cut contact with him and it’s been two and a half weeks no contact. He has texted to say sorry he couldn’t stick around but it couldn’t be any other way. He has been adamant in the past with other break ups and as I’m just about to move on and he can see me happy he wants to come back into my life. I question my behaviour everyday and feel so guilty for calling him names and being so mean to him. I don’t think he will try to contact me again. I’m not sure how I can move past this.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 11, 2018 at 12:48 am

      Hi Kay…on/off relationships can take a toll. The main thing is look out for yourself. You will get through this and what ever happens, remember you are special. The past is in the past, focus on the future and seek to be the best version of yourself.

  9. Andy

    April 9, 2018 at 1:36 pm

    After 5 months in which we travelled a lot and spent most of time together and i thought we were in love, 2 weeks ago he suddenly told me that he tried to feel something in this time but that he couldn’t and he stayed for my happiness and that he can’t commit anymore in this relationship. I admit that lately i have become a little too attached just because i thought he felt the same, cause we had amazing moments together. I don’t understand. I feel terrible because i feel like i’ve been living in a lie but i still miss him and our relationship very badly. In spite of that, when he wanted to break up i never begged him and i said ‘thanks for not lying to me anymore’ and that was all.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 11, 2018 at 12:56 am

      Hi Andy…hang in there and utilize some of the advice I cover here on the site and in my ebooks

  10. Amy

    April 8, 2018 at 1:13 pm

    Together for 2 years, i left because he was hanging out with bad people going down a dark path. He immediately jumped into a rebound. We continue,used to stay in touch back and forth, sometimes loving, sometimes angry. He would always say he wantsd to come see me and hang out and I actually saw him once for about 5 minutes after insisting to see me. It finally got to,be too much for me and I told him I was tired of this game he plays so I quit texting him. It would last about a week and then he would text me and say hey or ask what I’m doing and I wouldn’t respond. His birthday came and I simply text him happy birthday, nothing more. I woke up the next morning to a facebook poke, a friend request, messages on facebook and text messages, telling me he misses me and wants to hang out. I told him,yesterday I wanted to drop off his things, that I didn’t need to keep them and he became angry and spiteful saying things to,be hurtful. I’m just lost and can’t figure out his hot and cold behavior. Help.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 11, 2018 at 2:20 am

      Yep, it can be confusing when guys act this way. Hang in there Amy. Use my website to put your plan together. Consider my ebooks.

    2. Amy

      April 11, 2018 at 12:10 pm

      I guess what I’m asking is, him doing those things….facebook, messages, texts…..what does it mean?

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 11, 2018 at 1:29 pm

      Interest

  11. Tammy

    April 8, 2018 at 1:00 am

    Nearing the end of no contact and missing him a lot..I found the beginning to be a little easier near the end because I was focused on my studies. I wrote a post on our relationship on a different article, but long story short – we dated casually since january, i thought we were exclusive sexually, but were permitted to date other people, and he thought dating casually meant sleeping with other people too. I found out he slept with another girl, i got upset and said if i had an std we would have a bigger issue, he looked at that as a threat and got angry with me. We initially decided to have a break and grab lunch after i returned from a trip home. When i contacted him about grabbing lunch, he initially agreed, and suggested a day. A few days later we were talking on snapchat and he was flirting with me and asking my opinion on a haircut (things seemed normal). I invited him over, but he said that he felt like i threatened him. When I asked him how, he got angrier with me, deleted me as a friend off snap. I gave him space, asked if he wanted to meet in person to talk about what happened, he declined and said we should both move on and that he didn’t want to talk. I told him i left something for his doorman and told him goodbye and that i just wanted him to be happy. I gave a letter to his doorman for my own closure apologizing for making him feel threatened, and saying that I appreciated my time with him. He went on a trip the following day and i haven’t contacted him since. I’m nearing the end of no contact. I just want to resume our casual relationship but have more honesty with each other as I, myself, am not ready for a committed relationship and enjoy hanging out casually – what can i do to fix things? I miss him terribly…

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 10, 2018 at 3:54 am

      Overall, I feel like it’s a very achievable goal to just become friends again but even that needs to unfold naturally. The worst thing you can do is try to force things. This isn’t the type of deal that gets fixed overnight. This is the type of deal that takes months.

      I think that’s what most of my clients struggle to understand.

    2. Tammy

      April 10, 2018 at 4:25 am

      Hi Chris,
      So…new twist to the story- he gave me an STI and I’ve been in a lot of pain. I had to break no contact early to let him know. This is turning into a huge mess and I don’t know how to feel or how to process things.

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 10, 2018 at 11:55 pm

      I know it feels awful right now, but things will definitely get better for you. Just focus on your needs right now. That is priority.

    4. Tammy

      April 11, 2018 at 4:19 am

      Update: decided to meet up to talk about everything – I came back from the doctor and am in the process of treatment, we resolved that we both had miscommunication and not enough honesty between us. He said it was weird that I came to his place (when i gave his doorman that letter). I told him I was pretty emotional and that I’m not a perfect person. I told him that I wanted us to be on good terms and get past the bullshit because we are dealing with a bigger issue here and he agreed. He asked what he can do for me now, I said I just needed his kindness and support, and I said I would keep him updated. He said okay and he gave me a hug. I guess I sound pretty irrational seeing as I’m dealing with a health issue here, but seeing as that was the first time I’ve seen him in a month, I can’t help but ask if there’s any way we can be on better terms with each other – see, in spite of everything, I still have feelings… how do I play this..? Back when we were fighting I deleted him from Facebook and Snapchat so I’m not sure how to show pictures, etc, or if it’s appropriate to see if he’d grab lunch with me later

    5. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 11, 2018 at 4:27 am

      Good job Tammy. You should be proud of yourself for the steps you are taking make things better for YOU. Seeing him probably awakened some old feelings. Just take everything slow…really slow. Better for you and him to process it all. Just little moves. It is like planting little attraction seeds to see if they sprout.

    6. Tammy

      April 17, 2018 at 2:24 am

      Hey Chris, so I’ve been trying to converse with him and he is giving me something, but then later I kind of flirted and he didn’t say anything back so I feel dumb.. should I just change the topic then?

    7. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 17, 2018 at 11:32 pm

      Hi again Tammy! Wait awhile and try and different tactic. Remember, slow steps. Ultimately, you want him chasing you a bit.

    8. Tammy

      April 22, 2018 at 9:47 pm

      Hey Chris, thanks for getting back to me. I’ve been using your tactics and we’ve been able to carry conversations everyday for the past two weeks – he’s been more engaging, friendly and playful. I asked him if he wanted to grab a quick lunch, and that I had a packed week but could make some time. He said, “haha let me see.” Any advice on how to play this? Should I ask him again later? Thanks for your replies!

    9. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 22, 2018 at 10:20 pm

      Hi Tammy…try just laying back and see if he comes to you.

    10. Tammy

      April 27, 2018 at 10:25 pm

      Hey Chris, I asked him if he wanted to do lunch next week and he agreed. Then today when I was trying to converse, he said that he was going to be mia this weekend for this brother’s wedding. I knew that the wedding was this weekend and that he’s the best man, but should I take this as a bad sign that he told me he’d be mia, or should I just take it as him saying he’s going to busy and I shouldn’t count on him for a response since he’s going to be tending to his brother? Figured I’d follow up about lunch on sunday or monday. Just a little too much in my head and need some clarity.

    11. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 28, 2018 at 4:29 am

      I think that works….just be real casual about it. If you can’t pin him down, then back off and see if he initiates.

    12. Tammy

      May 2, 2018 at 1:34 am

      So I’m meeting up with him. I know to take it slowly and go with the flow. But in regards to starting back things up, how does the following sound: “i feel like our timing was less than ideal since we were both focused on our priorities (you with work, me with school), and i think we could have been more honest and open with each other than we were. But we’ve been through a lot in a short period of time and it’s made me appreciate you. I’m interested in having a clean slate with you if you’re up for it.”

    13. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 3, 2018 at 2:02 am

      hey there Tammy! I think that is good approach. Just emphasize let’s go slow as it will serve both of our best interest…almost like we are meeting for the first time, benefiting from the mistakes we both have made in the past.

    14. Tammy

      May 3, 2018 at 7:41 pm

      So just got back from lunch. Things went well. He paid for lunch, he suggested we walk to Bryant park, he got us slices of pizza because he was still hungry, I brought up getting back together slowly. He paused and said he didn’t know what to think of everything I said. He said things feel okay right now (having a platonic lunch). He said we can keep having lunches and still talk, but that he still felt scarred from everything that happened between us. He said let’s keep things open, but then he repeated again that things feel okay right now in regards to having friendly lunches. I asked him if we could do lunch next week and he agreed, we did a crossword together and we had a brief hug before he went back to work. Not sure what my next steps are or if all hope is lost?

    15. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 3, 2018 at 9:24 pm

      It seems to me Tammy you had a positive and pleasant initial first meeting. Just go super slow and steer away from relationship talk. Smile and enjoy yourself and and over time he will associate all the good feelings he is having with you as one and the same, replacing the uncertain thoughts.

    16. Tammy

      May 14, 2018 at 8:11 pm

      Hey Chris! So got back from our second lunch, he acknowledged that we both should have just been honest with each other and didn’t do things the right way. I’m leaving to go home for a few days. He told me we could talk more when i come back. Then when I got home, he sent me a text saying he had thought about things and it didn’t feel right – that we should both meet other people because hurt feelings are going to get involved again. I told him that I have been seeing other people, but that i’d like to see him as well since when things were good, they were great. I told him that things aren’t supposed to feel right because we never did things the right way, and that if things don’t work out, that’s okay – that id rather do things the right way instead of wondering. I told him to focus on himself and his work right now and that we’d talk next week. He read everything – thoughts? It almost feels like when he’s with me, he’s more on board, but when I leave, he has his doubts..

    17. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 17, 2018 at 11:32 pm

      Hi again Tammy! Wait awhile and try and different tactic. Remember, slow steps. Ultimately, you want him chasing you a bit.

    18. Tammy

      April 15, 2018 at 12:16 am

      Hey Chris, not sure if I’m the best at “little moves” – any examples? I’ve been keeping him posted about my treatment, etc. and he’s been responsive. He travels a lot for work, so we’ve been talking via WhatsApp even though he’s back home now. My app was lagging and I told him that I would add him on snap and he suggested imessage. I said sure, and asked if he wanted me to unadd him from snap as I had already added him, and he saw that text and didn’t reply. Later in the day, I asked him how he was doing and essentially said that I appreciated his kindness and support and that he had mine as well if he needed it (referencing the whole STI ordeal). Again, no reply. What do I do? A little uneasy that maybe he’s feeling uncomfortable and thinks i’m trying to get back together immediately…that, or I’m overthinking

    19. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 18, 2018 at 4:43 am

      Hi Tammy….good to hear from you again..I have been out of town…just got back in. Perhaps more space between contact. Wait for him to initiate. Focus more on YOU…your goals….your aspirations. Treat yourself to little nice things once in awhile. Consider writing down your thoughts in a journal to express your inner self. It is a good way to cope with life’s challenges.

  12. Elle

    April 7, 2018 at 11:18 am

    I need help. My problem starts with timing: my ex is living in a new city since a few months ago, temporary but without return date. Just living the “adventure”. He doesn’t want anything “complicated” and even if at first he told me that he could talk about us when he returns (I had been building rapport for months when he moved away), now he doesn’t seem to be interested. He told me that he just wants fun and was a little distant during that conversation. I did NC and on day 31 (a week ago) he texted me more affecionate than ever, teling me that since we know each other he always cheered up when I texted him, sending me kisses (first time after the break up, asking me for a video for seeing my face “as if you were here”… I was nice but not affecionate and I ended the conversation (leaving one of his texts as last one). We haven’t texted again and I cn’t initiate, I need him to do it again.
    But…I’m afraid he may have met (or could meet anytime) another girl. He is going out too much with his work colleagues and…I’m scared that he may date one of them.
    I am working on my UG game. I was one when we met. And I know he is still veeery attracted to me and he had a lot in common, and familiarity… I need to work on what you call “the daydreaming effect”. I think it was what made me get him the first time. But how can I do that? He already dated me! Plus, he had emotional walls when it comes to me since the break up.

    Furthermore, the “being there” method is useful too in this case, he values it way too much, for him is very important when the people is there (he didn’t have good luck in that in his life). How can I combine this and the “fear of loss”?
    I am very afraid that he may be with another girl and… I don’t know how can I fight the distance (he hates LDR) and any other girl out there…

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 9, 2018 at 11:35 am

      Ah the daydream effect!

      God that takes me back! Weird, I just daydreamed about the daydream effect haha.

      I think what you need to aim for is to actually experience something new together with him. That should make some inroads.

    2. Elle

      April 9, 2018 at 7:44 pm

      Thank you for the answer! Yes, I agree but…he has walls aganist me. Until that last NC, everytime we were getting closer, he stepped back and stopped responding. After that conversation (when he told me that he doesn’t want “complications”) and my NC, I don’t know how the things are because I don’t feel like initiating. Yes, he initiated last time, first one after that moment, and more affectionate than ever. But…I need him to chase, at least once more. I need him to initiate. I keep playing the UG and I am very careful I am afraid to scare him again. He is the stubborn type, it must be his idea, he loves to chase…And I don’t know how make him chasing again and how to take steps “together” without him running away. As I said, everytime he started to feel more comfortable, he hold himself back and got distant again… It’s complicated, even more with him being in that new city, he hates LDR (he had bad experiences)

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 11, 2018 at 12:35 am

      LDR can be challenging. Hang in there Elle and if you need more comprehensive help, check out my ebooks (menu tab/products)!

  13. Sarah

    April 6, 2018 at 10:11 pm

    Together for 4 years, he broke it off.
    Long distance the whole time different countries (400 miles apart) Usually we’d see each other 1 week every 4 to 5 weeks.

    Get on great most of the time but my mental health started to decline (he knew I suffered from mental health problems from the start) about 15 months ago. I didn’t communicate this with him for various reasons as I was deep in depression. He kept trying to come see me but I kept refusing (regret that now but at the time wasn’t able to process anything properly). 6 months went by and we hadn’t seen each other although he was making every effort to talk to me. Last month he told me he didn’t think we were working and he loved me but wasn’t in love anymore. It took the thought of losing him to snap me out of my depression. 4 weeks went by after he mentioned us not working but I so badly wanted him that I just kept texting and phoning. He replied but could tell he wasn’t the same. 6 days ago we spoke on the phone for hours and hours about everything that went wrong. It wasn’t my depression but the fact that I didn’t communicate with him I was struggling so for months he thought me being distant meant i didn’t love him anymore and wanted to break up. We both cried on the phone, he said he needs to go find himself again and I need to do the same. He cried at the thought that maybe he’s making a mistake by letting me go but I told him he has to do what he has to do. We said we love each other and that was that. No contact in 6 days now.

    Is there any chance of this working out? I truely do believe we are meant for each other but he’s struggled so much with my depression I think he’s emotionally and mentally exhausted.

    1. Jennifer Seiter

      Jennifer Seiter

      April 7, 2018 at 1:52 am

      I think you have a shot at getting back together but you will have to work on yourself first. Get as much professional help as you can with the depression and the avoidant reactions your having. Depression can hurt the strongest of relationships. Congrats on the 6 days NC. No contact is very difficult and you should start to feel better around day 14-20.

    2. Sarah

      April 7, 2018 at 6:58 am

      I absolutely plan on working on myself. Like I said losing him brought me out of the depressive state I was in so I can now see everything clearly. I apologised for everything but I know how much pain he is in, he thought he had lost me for months as I didn’t tell him what was going on until now.
      I am willing to fight for us I’m just not sure it can be fixed? Especially as we are LD and haven’t seen each other in months.

      If after following all the advice here and there is a chance then I’ll go for it

    3. Jennifer Seiter

      Jennifer Seiter

      April 7, 2018 at 10:41 pm

      I love your optimism! I definitely think you can fix this. Have you read this guide yet? https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/the-complete-guide-to-getting-an-ex-boyfriend-back-in-a-long-distance-relationship/

  14. Durga

    April 6, 2018 at 3:51 am

    what if you unfriended on facebook?

    1. Jennifer Seiter

      Jennifer Seiter

      April 7, 2018 at 3:27 am

      Are you friends anywhere else? Twitter, instagram, linkedin etc?

  15. Anna

    April 3, 2018 at 11:07 pm

    Hi. My ex and I have been together for nearly three years. We used to argue a lot but everything had been going so smoothly for the past year, maybe even longer. One night I panicked about his smoking and we both got into an argument about it (I wanted him to quit). He broke up with me that night. I was an emotional mess and begged for him back, which I probably shouldn’t have done. He says the real reason we broke up is because he wants to get his life together and focus on himself since he feels like he is lagging behind all of his friends. We still love each other and we both want to get back together in the future, but he hasn’t talked about making that actually happen. He kind of has the attitude of “if it happens, it happens.” He wants space but still wants to check in with me everyday or so to see how I’m doing. Should I initiate NC? I feel like that may make things worse since he already wants to be with me and already misses me. It’s just a matter of him figuring out his personal life. Though I do feel like I’m being left dangling not knowing what the future holds for us, and it’s especially hard since he made it clear that he is not focusing on our relationship right now and that he is not actively trying to get back together.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 4, 2018 at 12:58 am

      You should definitely initiate NC!!!

  16. Ruth

    April 3, 2018 at 2:33 pm

    Hi there! I am in a long distance relationship. We both live in 2 different countries. He came to visit me last May 2017 and spent time together for 2 weeks, this is the first time we met because we only met online in December 2014. We were only chatting and from my side, I wasn’t expecting anything except talking to him during my free time. Before I know it, we were regularly talking. A year after that, I thought I kinda’ start to have some feelings for him and he said he feels the same. But since we are both in different countries, it’s difficult. There was a point that I totally gave up on the idea of pursuing it because I didn’t hear him planning to see me. I decided then not to continue with our regular conversation but he continues to send me messages via email and skype. I was responding but not that interested anymore. So it was on and off kind of conversation. Until he said in 2016 that he is planning to visit me the next year. I was surprised because I thought it was nothing. He confessed that he loves me that year too, but I didn’t answer except “thank you”. He was extra sweet from then on and always calling. Our talks became frequent and I felt that i was starting to fall in love with him so I said “I love you too” when he told me he loves me. He normally say it at the end of every conversation but I only say “thank you”. He was so happy and few days after, he told me he will come to see me in 2017 but he has to tell me something and that could happen only we see each other. So it happened, we met and he told me has a wife and planning to get a divorce soon. He hugged me so tight and kissed me so hard, I didn’t have the time to ask questions. He was apologizing a lot for lying to me. I was so quiet and nodding my head but deep inside I was a wreck. He was asking me to give him a chance while he is with me, and try at least if it will work out. So it did, we spent 2 weeks together, we were happy but I also discovered he also lied about his last name. I was so hurt, that I spent some nights crying about the lies. He apologized for a lot of times and promised not to lie again. So it was working out because he said he will file a divorce asap. So our LDR continues and on the same year, I visited him and his family in his country twice. It was so much fun and he was already planning our future together and will pursue the divorce. He treated me so well and I know that he really loves me. So I was already planning to start my life with him as soon as he settled everything. But after my last visit and I went home, we were both so busy, we hardly talk. I was caught up with a lot of stuff at work and some problems with my family I didn’t have much time for him. He sensed it and complained that we lost our “connection” I said we are both busy so we don’t have much time to talk. We kinda’ argued a little about petty stuff and the next day, he said he needs a break because he is sad and frustrated about me being so negative since I was back home and he said he has a lot of work to do with moving, his job and the divorce. Without thinking much, I said its ok because I was so busy with work I didn’t mind it. But when it took him like 4 days not calling me, I was alarmed. So I contacted him, we were both crying and he said, he doesn’t wanna talk to me and he needs to organize stuff with work and his move to another country which is nearer to me, which is the reason why he is moving anyway. We ended the conversation with a lot of emotions that I was crying very hard, pleading not to do it because I can’t survive 2 months without him. He said it is what needs “a break”. When I asked him days after, he said its a pause. But still, I was sending him regularly some text messages which he barely responds. He only responds if my messages sound like accusing him. So it was on and off conversation. I was so devastated and confused. I cannot eat and sleep and I told him all about it. He said he didnt expect that it will have that effect on me and pointed out some mistakes I apparently committed and every time I defend myself, he goes on with more accusations. It was all petty reasons, and he kinda agree that they were small reasons but fears about the future. So I let him be. He didn’t contact me for weeks and I didn’t expect him to call and send me a message for my birthday. So I replied and we talked through a video call. When I asked him about our status, he said he feels that we are not in a relationship because if we are he could have called me but he didn’t. By this time, I somehow recovered from the pain I was feeling, so I was only listening and was calm. He said we will see where we are standing after he moved to a different country for his job. So I agreed. But deep inside I doubt it if this would work. He can’t tell me right away if this is a break-up and to him, he is not over, it’s like a pause or a break. Now I am confused, I was waiting for him decide on our relationship for 2 months now until he gets settled to another country then we can talk about us. He gave no assurances, the reason I have this doubts. We already planned our future together, the reason he is moving to this country which is closer to me and I already told my employer about the possible plans of leaving my job and he knows it. I was a text gnat 3 days after he asked for a break because I was so confused. I apologized after. He just moved to a different country (near me) 5 days ago. The last message I sent to him was last March 23, that was after he greeted me for my birthday on the 20th. We also talked on the 22nd via Skype but this time, no one is emotional, we were calm, only that he emphasized that he has no plans for us, and sticks with the decision not to talk about us until he started his job in another country and that we are not in a relationship coz he said he asked for a break, a pause or a hold to whatever is between us.What do you think I should do? Wait? Or move on with my life? Is NC applicable in this situation? Hope to hear from you soon. Thank you.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 4, 2018 at 1:02 am

      Wow this was long!

      I’ll not lie to you… I didn’t read all of it.

      But I want so badly to help you. Can you condense this for me by any chance?

  17. Krissy

    March 29, 2018 at 6:12 pm

    HI:
    My relationship: When we met in 2015, it was an instant match, we fell in love and it was awesome. We did so many wonderful things together and we did long distance for a bit (1hr 30 min). I had broken up with him a couple times on the long distance because it was hard for me. But then, I eventually moved in with him to be closer to him (august 2016). I got a job near our town and it worked out. However, I was missing home and he thought I didn’t want to be living with him (which wasn’t true), so he told me I should move back to RI because he thought that was where I really wanted to be. I told him multiple times it wasn’t but I moved out and I moved down the street from him in an apt. 2 weeks later, he came to a jazz bar where I was listening to jazz and wanted to get back together. WE got back together, thought we fixed out differences. Fast forward to March 2017, he broke up with me because I was honestly not taking care of myself, I was dependent on him, didnt make friends, and wasn’t getting acquainted with the town. I was really heart broken but he was nice about it and said maybe if things work out in the future we would get back together again. Fast forward to that July 2017, he messaged me on 4th of july and said he missed me, wanted me to be the mother of his children, said he couldn’t imagine being with anyone else, and really loved me and wanted to get back together and said it was totally up to me. Of course, I wanted him back so we got back together. We were really communicating and things were going great. I was still living in my apartment and he wanted me to move in but I was honestly scared that it wasnt going to work out again. Fast forward to November 2017, it was Thanksgiving and he seemed distant, we were trying to get my sister to join us for Thanksgiving and it was just a lot of turmoil with my family not wanting to make plans. WE were supposed to go to Boston and stay over with my dog Hazel but I said I was going to stay with my sister instead because she was upset about some personal problems. After thanksgiving, I asked him what was going on because he seemed like he didn’t care anymore, and he just kept saying he was sorry and felt like we had grown apart. It was horrible, I cried tremendously we hugged and he helped me pack up some of my extra things from his place. I could tell that he wasn’t 100% about it but he said that the constant feeling that I (me) didnt want to be here didn’t seem like a good foundation for a lasting relationship and he said he thought we were compatible in so many ways and not in so many others. I really didn’t understand this because we didn’t have any issues, we never fought, said he was so happy when we were together, we were like magnets and had wonderful chemistry. I still miss him and it is March 2018. After the break up, I tried to call him once and asked if he would talk to me and I told him I loved him but he didn’t answer. I still live down the street from him and dont know what to do. I tried to contact him on January 28th, 2018 and told him how I was doing, and that I wasn’t applying to medical school anymore (which I wanted to do previously) and that I really wanted to talk to him, and he said he was happy to hear that I was doing well and that he appreciated that I wanted to reach out but he didn’t think he was in a place to talk to me with a clear head and said he didn’t think he could go down that road again, he wished me well and told me to give Hazel (my dog) a big hug from him. I replied with everything I wanted to say, that I wanted to be in Beverly, and that I wanted a future with him and not to miss special moments, but he didn’t reply. I then tried to message him two weeks ago seeing if he wanted to go to a play with me and he didn’t answer that either. It is also tax season and he is an accountant so I know he is busy. He also has a business with his Dad and he is an only child. I know they put a lot of pressure on him and I think that’s why he breaks up with me and can’t commit, whenever tax season rolls around. I really love him though and just don’t know if he will come back or not or if it’s really over for good. I haven’t reached out since March 10th, 2018.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 3, 2018 at 1:54 am

      So, tax season rolls around and he loses his sh*t… sounds like me haha.

      Sorry, bad joke.

      So, by my estimate it’s been almost a month of NC now?

      Any more recent updates you can tell me about?

    2. Krissy

      April 3, 2018 at 12:25 pm

      Hi Chris:
      Yes it has been almost a month of NC. Nothing new has happened. I do want to point out that when we broke up in November, I asked him why he even came back in July and he replied with “in retrospect I shouldn’t have and I will never do that again.” But he was hugging me and crying and saying we had so many wonderful memories together. I saved some messages he had texted me back in July when we got back together and that is what is messing with my head so much. He said “I want you to know that I cant see myself with someone else either, you’re the most beautiful woman Ive ever met, I love the way you love me and I love you. I want you to be my wife and the mother of my children and for us to be happy…I want it to be OUR life now…I want to take that next step with you.”…..

      Thanks for reading:

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 4, 2018 at 1:11 am

      Unbroken NC?

      Also, is there a specific question you were wondering about?

    4. Krissy

      April 5, 2018 at 12:08 pm

      Yes, it has now been 26 days of no contact. I am wondering if you think it is totally over and if I should move on or if you think he might come back. I feel like if I try to contact him, he just won’t answer.

    5. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 5, 2018 at 11:57 pm

      I wouldn’t go as far as saying that exactly. Especially when you haven’t even tried anything with me yet!

      Try not to look at this as a process where you are saying the perfect thing to get him back. It doesn’t work that way. Just keep your nose to the grindstone and lets work through this step by step.

    6. Krissy

      April 6, 2018 at 12:49 am

      ok! how long do you think I should continue the NC for? What kind of curious text should I send?

    7. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 7, 2018 at 4:36 am

      Curiosity can be built in a lot of different ways.

      For example,

      “You won’t believe what just happened to me…”

      “I have a confession to make…”

      These are all examples of curiosity hooks. Then you want to find something that interests him and include them in your text.

    8. Krissy

      April 7, 2018 at 2:51 pm

      thanks, how much longer of no contact do you think I should do? Today is 28 days

    9. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 7, 2018 at 9:48 pm

      3 days! Respond after that 🙂

    10. Krissy

      April 11, 2018 at 7:43 pm

      HI Chris: I am afraid to contact my ex because it is still tax season. I am scared that he just won’t answer and I can’t think of anything curious that he would answer. Do you think I should extend my no contact or just try anyway?

    11. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 11, 2018 at 10:48 pm

      Hi Krissy. Yes, tax season can create some stress for folks. But its ending early next week, so you can certainly wait a few days more.

    12. Krissy

      April 12, 2018 at 4:42 pm

      Hi Chris: I sent an email to him and i said this

      “I was wondering if I could have your input about something? I am actually really excited; my credit is the highest it’s ever been (732) and I would like to try and increase it even more. It gives me suggestions, but I remember you are the pro at money advice and would really appreciate your thoughts. Anyway, I hope you are well : ) I know tax season is coming to an end and this must be stressful for you. I look forward to hearing from you.”

      was that okay?

    13. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 12, 2018 at 10:02 pm

      Hi Krissey!! Yes, I like it. But no worries if you don’t get a response or the response you get is neutral. Its part of the process. I discuss that at length in my ebooks and posts. If you are concerned with tapping into the right text messages, consider my ebook, The Texting Bible!

    14. Krissy

      April 12, 2018 at 10:29 pm

      he didn’t respond…but i saw on match.com that he looked at my profile. what should I do? this is the second time i’ve reached out and nothing…

    15. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 13, 2018 at 4:02 am

      Krissy…just continue to follow the blueprint covered in my ebook when you encounter roadblocks. A no response is not unusual. Think of this as a process. Its a good sign he is still checking you out, so hope is not out the window.

    16. Krissy

      April 13, 2018 at 3:49 pm

      Hi I bought the texting bible and it says for me to reassess in a couple weeks. I just want to let you know exactly how many times I’ve reached out so that you can help me decide if I should move on or not.

      -Broke up Thanksgiving weekend 2017 (this was the 3rd time we broke up)
      -I tried to get him to talk to me one night a couple days later and I called him saying I love him but he didn’t answer.
      -I started no contact but then texted him couple days later about how I thought everything works out for a reason and said I was on bumble but i discovered bumble BFF and I actually made some good friends. He replied positively and said he was happy for me. Unfortunately, I messed that up because two days later I got really mad and was GNAT saying how mad I was that he used me and i said come get your stuff. So he brought my stuff over and I gave him his and that was that.
      -I started no contact and then on January 28th I messaged him saying everything great going on in my life and how I would really like to talk to him. He initially didn’t answer so the next day I asked if he got it and he replied then saying that He was glad to hear I was happy and that I he appreciated that I wanted to reach out but he didn’t think he was in a place where he could talk to me with a clear head and he just didn’t think he could go down that road again. Said hope everything goes well with me and to give Hazel (my dog) a big hug for him. I replied with a message saying you don’t have to answer but then I explained what I thought went wrong in the relationship when we got back together again in July and said it would work out now because things had changed. Then I sent him a funny video. He didn’t reply to this though.
      -March 14th I messaged him asking if he wanted to go to a theatre show iwth me because my professor gave me tickets. (he didnt answer this)
      -Yesterday April 13th, I messaged him about his input with my credit score which I told you about yesterday. He didn’t answer that but then looked at my match.com profile. He is also on okcupid and i “liked” him on there hoping he’d swipe right on me. No response from him though.

      -I am wondering if you think this is the 3rd shot I took at the goal and if I lost or if you think I should still try?

    17. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 14, 2018 at 3:44 am

      Hey there Krissy…nice to hear from you again. That is a big book. A lot of research went into that resource. The odds are reduced, but I sure wouldn’t say you have lost him forever. You guys have history. Yes, breaking up 3 times is far from ideal. But to have gotten back together means there is enough that is working to pull you each into the other’s orbit. Maybe you just go through a quiet spell with him for a while. Just live your life. Work on your goals. Date other guys. That can circle back to him and quite some jealousy. Or, you might just find the right guy for you. I have seen relationships come back together after much longer than this. Sometimes, it is when you just move on with you life, they drop back in further down the road when they start hearing about the wonderful things happening to you. Your value goes up.

    18. Krissy

      April 15, 2018 at 1:41 pm

      how do i make him stay now?

    19. Krissy

      April 15, 2018 at 5:38 am

      Hi Chris:

      You are NOT going to believe this lol but today I was like that’s it I’m just going to live my life…and last night I was like I’m sending him a message that I am not reaching out anymore…well you can guess what comes next…we are back together LOL…I honestly have to thank you because you’re the only reason why I had that courage today. THANK YOU!

    20. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 18, 2018 at 4:33 am

      I am happy for you Krissy. Take things slow. Little steps.

    21. Krissy

      April 14, 2018 at 12:16 pm

      okay thank you!

    22. Krissy

      April 4, 2018 at 1:17 pm

      Yes, unbroken, It has been 25 days now of no contact….but I feel like if I were to contact him he would just not respond. I am wondering if you think it is totally over, and he has decided he will never come back, or what you think I should do? I really want him back but I am afraid he will just keep dumping me if he does come back….

    23. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 5, 2018 at 11:04 pm

      So, I’ve done this for a long time.

      If you do reach out to him your text needs to have some curiosity text.

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