So, you miss your ex, and you want to know if he misses you too.
You want to know when he’ll feel this pain that you’re feeling now that the two of you have split up.
Missing someone is different for everyone. For some, it hits as soon as the person leaves our side. For others, it takes a while for it to sink in.
Knowing an exact time that your ex will realize that they miss you is impossible. But don’t let that get you down. There are some factors that play into the when that you want to know.
Well, there are an infinite number of things that effect the way each person perceives the world around them.
Let’s talk about the more prominent ones that you would know about from being their partner.
Quality of Life
One of the most important influencers on the “Missing You,” timeline would be evident in your ex’s life itself.
What else does he have going on?
Are there things in his life that matter to him that are holding his attention?
Every person has a set of emotional needs and finds a way to meet those needs one way or another.
In this case, your relationship filled a need. Now, that it’s gone, he will need to find another way to fill that need. Think of the need as a hole and the relationship as a plug that filled that hole.
When the relationship is removed, there are two things that can happen. Either, one, his life is full of other fulfilling things like friendships, family, or hobbies. Once the relationship is removed, the void would be filled by these things that fill up the rest of his life.
If he has other things that keep his mind engaged and fill that emotional need, then it could take a while for him to feel the loss..
However, when there aren’t things in your ex’s life to fill the void, that’s when the mind begins to search for what is missing.
THAT is when he will start missing you.That void is probably a feeling you can relate to.
In fact, that void is probably a feeling you can relate to. It’s like a vacuum always pulling your mind back to the hollow feeling in your chest and the desire to not be alone. It distracts from everything else in your life.
When someone spends a lot of time and effort building a relationship, it makes sense that walking away from it would leave them feeling like they’ve lost something. Usually, in relationships this isn’t a monetary or physical loss. It boils down to the loss of what could have been.
Any future they saw with you is no longer going to happen. Believe it or not, when someone has invested, time, effort, and hope, that loss can leave the biggest void of all.
However, you will only know about the investment he made if he talked to you about the future. Not many people, men especially, admit that they think about the future. It makes them feel vulnerable.
There is one last thing that you can count on for sure to make your ex miss you and that is hormones. These chemicals are what help people create connections to other people.
If your ex was emotional, either positively or negatively, toward the relationship you can bet that he was a swirling cocktail of hormones, one of which is Oxytocin. This is the chemical your brain overloads you with when you feel good and close with someone. It’s even got a nickname, the “cuddle hormone.”
Oxytocin is what causes you to worry once the honeymoon phase of the relationship is over and you start to feel distance between you and your mate. It isn’t because of disinterest. It’s more like you’re getting comfortable with each other, which, while natural, can incite panic in a relationship.
That darn little brain chemical is what is bothering you so much right now. It takes months even years to sever a bond like that, especially if it’s a super strong connections. Studies say that oxytocin production increases with closeness.
So if your ex was extra snuggly, kept his arms around you when you were out and about, and couldn’t stop holding your hand, then it’s possible that the connection is fairly strong on his end. So, you can bet your cookies that, unless he’s already in another relationship, that he’ll be missing you pretty quickly.
Luckily, if that level of connection existed, I can promise that even if you can’t see it your ex is feeling it too.
Subtle Signs That He’s Missing You
There are two things that your ex might do are on complete opposite ends of the spectrum.
First, he might try and set up a secondary relationship with you, like a friendship.
“I’d really like to stay friends.”
But, the friendship stays limited to him just staying connecting to you on social sites. If you were to remove him, he would notice right away. He’s also be pretty quick to notice when you post. It’s also likely that the friendship would stay limited to interactions like this, online, or texting. He wouldn’t be able to interact with you in person much because he wouldn’t want you to know that he misses certain aspects of the relationship.
The other things would be if he wiped you from his life completely. If he got rid of every single reminder that you two were ever and ite,. This is because it is painful for him to miss you and seeing anything that reminds him of the connection won’t allow him to move past the pain.
This pain might be transferred into anger or an abrupt exit if you were to interact with him in any way.
My Advice to You
First of all, stop everything you are doing to get him to pay attention to you.
I understand how you are feeling right now. I have been in your shoes more times that I care to admit.
Every ounce of who you are is trying to hone in on these tiny little clues that he’s putting out, hoping for some sign that means he wants you back.
I have some news for you, good news, bad news, and then some more good news.
The initial good news is that, unless you and your ex never created any type of connection, your ex will definitely miss you. He may even reach out by texting or calling. With a lot of these situations, an obvious tell-tale sign is that they reach out when their judgement is impaired, like after a few beers.
I’ve seen guys go to some pretty extreme lengths to avoid checking upon an ex. Even after removing an ex from their phones, Facebooks, and Snapchat, I’ve seen guys go through friends trying to find out what their ex is up to just because they do miss them.
That’s where the bad news comes in. Yeah I know. I’m sorry. It’s not all sunshine and rainbows. Even if he doesnt miss you, that doesn’t erase underlying issues that caused the relationship to end in the first place. So, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they want to get back together or re-establish a relationship.
Now, I realize that that might not instill a huge amount of hope or positivity. But, remember, I said there is good news to offset that “bad news.” So don’t lose hope yet.
Let’s just assume that your ex misses you, because the probability of that is high whether you can see it or not. So, my advice to you is that you turn your focus inward rather than at your ex.
I know what you’re thinking…Why? Right?
Well, think about it this way. If your ex misses you and he’s trying to keep that connection alive without re-establishing the relationship then you staying focused on him will give him access to you.
However, if you stop focusing on him, then you remove that. By taking away any access he has to you, then any distance he feels will be amplified. His need to reach out will be amplified, too.
So, what can you do if you aren’t focused on him, then?
Well, put yourself in his shoes.
If you were on his side of things, trying not to let your emotions get the better of you, what would make you reconsider?
If it were me, seeing an ex enjoy their life without me, I might wonder if ending the relationship was the right call. If they were thriving or building a better without me, I’d be inclined to be a little insulted.
We all want to think that we are the best part of our counterparts’ lives.
Have you ever looked at the lives of people that you used to date and felt a twinge of jealousy when you find that they didn’t fall to pieces after your relationship ended? How did you feel seeing them happy in other relationships?
So, you are going to want to try and find a way to be the cause of those feelings in your ex.
One of the things I tell my friends when they find themselves in this position is to find a way to thrive rather than just survive.
The more real it is, the more likely it is that his emotions will get the better of him.
How do you do this?
Well, my go-to is to get physical. Where most people go off and curl up in a blanket burrito and eat several pints of ice cream, I like to work something that doubles as therapy and exercise into my schedule, like running, biking, or kickboxing.
Kickboxing has the added bonus of getting to beat the crap out of a punching bag. One of my best friends likes to tape pictures of her exes to the bag to take out her frustration. If that is what floats your boat then, by all means, do it!
This does four things for you. Getting physical tricks your mind into thinking that you are taking action. Let’s be honest you brain has been telling you to do something, anything, since the break-up.
Secondly, Elle Woods had an excellent point, exercising releases endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Who can’t use a little more happiness in their life? Right?
Thirdly, being active opens you up to new social circles. Odds are, you’ll make new friends that don’t know your ex and won’t keep talking about it. It allows the wounds from the breakup to heal.
Lastly, you get the added bonus of seeing his jaw drop when you accidentally run into him in the supermarket and you are looking your best. There’s another upside to this. When he asks how you’ve been, which we both know he will, you can tell him all about how great you’ve been doing.
There’s a trick to this one. When you get to this point and he asks how you’ve been, you are going to want to tell him how wonderful life has been.
“Oh I joined a kickboxing group. It’s completely changed my outlook on life. And I’ve made tons of new friends. How about you?
By saying “how about you?” rather than “how are you?” you are being indirect. Showing that it doesn’t really matter. (Even if it does.)
Your best bet is to say that you not draw this out.
What I would do would be to cut him off.
“Oh, you know what. I promised Seth that I would meet him for coffee. We can catch up another time.”
You see what I did there?
By cutting it short, you are telling him that there is something in your life that is more important than him right now. By naming a person he doesn’t know you’re telling him that there are new people in your life. This will make him feel even more distance. Extra points if the person you name is a guy. This will stoke that jealousy.
At this point you have the power. You can leave off saying,
“Let’s get together soon and catch up? Okay?”
Getting physical is good for you no matter what. It helps emotionally and physically. It also gives you the possibility of building a support group that is independent of your relationship.
Running into him is just a possibility. If you do, just remember how to direct the conversation to make him respond emotionally.