What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

My Ex Was My Best Friend And I Miss Him

So, your ex was your best friend and you miss him, eh?

I understand your plight probably better than most experts out there because I literally deal with you (or a version of you) every single day. This puts me in an interesting position where I can help you.

And that’s what I intend to do.

Look, breakups by themselves can be extremely difficult to deal with but when you add in the fact that you view your ex as your BFF makes it that much more difficult.

So, you are kind of in this grey area right now where you have no clue on what you are supposed to do going forward.

Well, the fact that you miss your ex tells me something really interesting.

It tells me that more than anything you probably want things to back to the way they were before, right?

What if I were to tell you that, that wasn’t possible?

That even if you got your ex back things wouldn’t be the same.

Would you still want him back?

Hopefully you do because what I am going to teach you to do today is not only how to make your ex miss you but how to ensure that you build a foundation so that when you do get him back things will be better than they were before.

And perhaps the best part is that I am going to teach you how to do this in three simple steps.

3 Simple How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend/Best Friend Back

I have a few goals with this article.

First and foremost I want to help you come up with a plan to get your ex back. However, I’d like to do it in a way that we can turn the tables on him and have him be the one missing you as opposed to the other way around.

So, without further ado here is my plan to help you get your ex boyfriend (who also happens to be your best friend) back,

  1. You need to first unlearn what you think you know about getting an ex back
  2. Next, you need to utilize the holy trinity
  3. Finally, you need to hack the chemistry of what is going on in your exes body

Lets look at each one of these things and go over them one by one.

1. Unlearn What You Think You Know About Getting An Ex Back

What is your first reaction after you were broken up with?

Ok, maybe we just ignore that first reaction.

What was your second reaction?

It’s to beg for your ex back, right?

I mean, they clearly made a mistake so why don’t we just help them right that wrong. But what if I told you that fighting for a relationship isn’t always everyones first response.

The Fight Or Flight Response Plays A Big Role

Not a lot of people realize this but when you go through a breakup your fight or flight response gets triggered.

That’s why some people run away after a breakup and you don’t hear from them while others try to fight for their relationship,

The problem is that often most of the people I work with think that fighting for their relationship involves,

  • Begging
  • Pleading
  • Gnatting
  • Stalking

But there are other ways to fight for your relationship.

Smarter ways!

And that is what I want to teach you about today.

The Smart Way To Fight For Your Relationship

Let me ask you a question.

On the fight or flight graphic above where do you think your ex falls?

Is he fighting for your relationship?

or

Is he running from it?

Well, most of the people that come to this website have engaged in their “fighting” response. After all, simply reading this article is a way of fighting. But exes, well, they tend to run away from their relationships.

This is an important thing for you to realize because it shows you the direction you are going,

That looks an awful lot like chasing, doesn’t it?

Our goal right now is to stop you from getting into a chasing mentality by shifting your paradigm.

Do you know what a paradigm is?

Paradigm: A typical example or pattern of something; a model.

We need to take the pattern he is used to and interrupt it,

And we are going to do that by understanding how he perceives you and changing that perception by utilizing a technique I like to call “The Holy Trinity.”

2. Utilize The Holy Trinity

The more experience I get coaching individuals the more I realize that perception matters a lot more than you realize.

For example, lets say that you and your ex have broken up and he thinks,

She is going to get super depressed after this…

That simple little thought is how he thinks you are going to act after the breakup. It’s how he perceives you.

And lets say you prove him right by putting up depressing status updates on Facebook .

Well, his perception of you has just been proven as you’ve played right into what he thinks is going to happen.

(FYI, I speak from experience on this.)

But if you take the opposite approach and take specific actions to rebuild your life his perception of you begins to shift and that’s what I’d like to teach you to do today.

But how?

Well, that’s when you utilize “The Holy Trinity.”

What Is The Holy Trinity?

Not to get too wordy here but the holy trinity is simply a term I use to describe the symbiotic relationship between,

  1. Health
  2. Wealth
  3. Relationships

Last month I got sick.

And by sick I mean really sick,

Ok, maybe I wasn’t dying but I sure felt like it.

I ended up getting a flu and it literally took me out for three weeks. But when I actually got back to work I noticed something pretty interesting.

The numbers for my business were down across the board.

“What the hell is going on.”

I remember thinking.

What had happened is that since I wasn’t actively working the business suffered and put us in a tough spot. In other words, my wealth was impacted negatively.

Ah, but the story isn’t over.

Feeling extreme pressure to play catch up at work I decided to work more than I normally would. So, instead of doing my daily workout I decided to allot that time towards actually working on my business.

Since I wasn’t working out I felt kind of bad about myself and since I was in a stressful situation financially I ended up eating just to make myself feel better.

(I know.. I know…)

Well, after some time I decided to make the mistake of stepping onto a scale.

180lbs…

I have never been that heavy in my life.

In other words, my health was impacted negatively.

The crazy part was how my health and wealth just went down so sharply.

But it highlights perfectly how the symbiotic relationship between health and wealth works.

What affects one negatively affects the other.

And that certainly applies to you in your situation with your ex.

Going through a breakup impacts your relationships negatively so it makes sense that your health and wealth can be less than stellar. But what if I told you that you could use this symbiosis to your advantage?

Using The Symbiotic Relationship To Your Advantage

One thing we have already established is that,

  1. Health
  2. Wealth
  3. Relationships

Have a symbiotic relationship.

So, what affects one negatively the others become impacted negatively by natural progression. But what if I told you that the inverse is also true. That if you actually took time to positively impact your health, wealth or relationships it would impact the others in a positive way.

This is the secret no one is telling you.

You see, most women who go through breakups let the breakup dictate their lives. They let their holy trinity fall to pieces. The successful ones end up taking control and reversing their fortunes.

And it is what you need to do if you want to shift your exes perception of you.

3. Hack The Physical Chemistry Of Your Ex

When it comes to getting an ex back so many people focus on what to say or what to do.

But my research has proven that what is more important than anything is what is happening inside your exes body.

Everything from what he is thinking (and not saying out loud) to the chemicals being released to his body just became your most important priority.

Consider for a moment that there are two versions of you that are vying for your exes attention.

  1. Version A
  2. Version B

Version A is identical to you in every way except your ex has an extreme amount of adrenaline, dopamine and oxytocin get released in his body when he is around “A.”

Version B on the other hand is identical to you in every way but only an average amount of chemicals get released in his body when he is around “B.”

Which one do you think he is more likely to commit to?

It’s probably going to be version A, right?

Even if “A” and “B” do identical things to get your ex back.

They aren’t created equally in his eyes and he will always choose “A” because in his opinion he feels more for her.

One thing we hear a lot of here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery is ex boyfriends who say,

“I don’t love you anymore.”

And women often freak out when their exes say this but if you really look at it chemically all he is really saying is that he no longer feels the feelings he felt for you at the beginning of the relationship.

I talk about that in depth in this video,

The important thing to understand here is that even with the most perfect strategy in the world you can still fail if internally your ex doesn’t feel like he is in love with you.

And that leads us to our next challenge.

How To Convince Your Exes Body That He Is In Love With You

Love is looked at as this grand thing.

Poets have written poems about it….

Philosophers have mused on it…

Authors have written books on it….

But the truth is that love is kind of bland when you understand what it is scientifically.

It’s actually nothing more than the right series of chemicals being released in your body.

To name a few,

  • Adrenaline
  • Dopamine
  • Oxytocin
  • Serotonin

So, understanding love from a scientific point of view we can actually reverse engineer the process and manufacture it.

As long as you tie whatever you do back to you in some way, shape or form.

MOE (misattribution of emotions) teaches us that this is an essential part to ensure that your ex associates the feelings he is feeling with you,

You essentially have your checklist of things that you need to do.

We know he needs to feel adrenaline.

Maybe you take him paint balling or to a haunted house to get his adrenaline up.

We know he needs to feel Dopamine

The interesting thing about dopamine is that it gets released as a way to encourage you to engage in a rewarding behavior or to avoid something really bad.

Lets stick to the positive aspect of things.

A great example of this is earning money.

The more money you make doing something the more your brain will release dopamine in order to encourage you to continue doing that thing.

Brainstorm some things you can do together to trigger his dopamine.

We know he needs to feel oxytocin

This is the cuddle hormone.

This is where kissing and sex comes into the equation. I would never recommend a client to sleep with their ex before they got him back.

However, making him think about it isn’t off limits.

We know he needs to feel serotonin

One of the best ways you can raise your exes serotonin levels is to work out together.

Exercise has been seen as helping increase the serotonin levels of the human body.

And if you exercise together he is likely to transfer those feelings onto you!

Conclusion

I totally understand if you feel this article ended too soon.

That totally wasn’t on purpose…. 😉

Here’s the thing.

If you have any questions about anything that I am talking about here and I know there will probably be a lot for this article don’t hesitate to ask in the comments below.

I can’t wait to have a conversation with you!

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Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter

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4 thoughts on “My Ex Was My Best Friend And I Miss Him”

  1. E

    February 18, 2018 at 11:36 pm

    Hello,

    My ex and I have dated for 3.5 years and we have broken up two times during our third year before but got back about 2 weeks after each break up so there wasn’t a lot of time to heal or improve any problems. We’ve always gone to different schools throughout our entire relationship so we were used to not seeing each other all the time so we had to put in the extra effort to visit each other. The root problem from this was that we didn’t have a lot of time to see each other and my dad didn’t know about our relationship so he couldn’t come over to my house unless my dad wasn’t there. I tried my best to visit him and see him but I would only be very affectionate with him if I saw him often and if we were in private places but again, this was hard to do because we couldn’t see each other often. We just had different ways of showing each other love and sometimes that was misunderstood. Recently, we entered different colleges but we still had access to visit each other. At first I was upset that he wouldn’t text me as often, but I just assumed whenever he didn’t text back that he was busy, so I wouldn’t overly text him. Our relationship was fine in the past few months (or so I thought), we called each other more often, texted each other more, and I tried my best to visit him and I was fine with the relationship. However, recently i had to get a procedure done because I was in pain for a few weeks. I decided to prioritize my health over my relationship with him and I guess this caused me to distance myself from him, making him feel unloved and unsupported. I knew he was very stressed because of his major, he would not sleep well, he didn’t eat well, and so I decided to just not worry him more with my health, I would just tell him I’m feeling a bit better, which wasn’t a lie. Health is a just a topic that causes me to be more anxious especially when I discuss it with other people.

    So two weeks after my colonoscopy, I was still scared about my health and I wanted to heal mentally so I wanted to stay home that day. He got a bit upset at me wanting to stay home so he tried facetiming me but I was a little bit irritated because he asked for money beforehand over text and I was assuming he spent all his money on clothes which is a bad habit of his. He hung up because I was irritated and I told him the reason why over text but then he kind of blew up on me and told me he wanted to break up or give him some time to think and that’s when he confessed to me that he’s been smoking and didn’t want to tell me because he knew I hated it. I was so confused and hurt, because just a few days before, we were talking about baby names and moving in together this summer and i felt betrayed. i wasn’t sure if this stress was building up in him and I triggered it, or if it was just a rash decision. After that, he just stopped texting me back and I decided to just leave him alone after sending him a text saying I understood he needed space from me. A week later, it was Valentines Day, and I just broke down and texted him and he told me he didn’t want to talk to me and wanted to break up. He told me I needed to find happiness on my own and he needed to do the same. I accepted it but I wanted some answers as to why he wanted to and he kept saying it was him and that he needed to get himself together. I decided to just pour all my feelings to him and he was a bit more responsive and kind. In no way was I trying to get him to stay with me because it was obvious he couldn’t handle a relationship at this point. I knew that it was over but he promised me that he will talk to me eventually about everything he’s been feeling when he’s settled himself. He says he hopes we can talk as friends one day and he realizes we weren’t meant to be.

    The next day, he texted me happy chinese new years and I responded thanks and he was just texting me normally until he just stopped responding. The day after, I texted him for help for something and he texted back very quickly, was very amicable about it and texted me normally too. In these two conversations, I didn’t over text him or bring up past issues, except he did explain why he asked for money and I apologized for getting mad. I know we’re on good terms and that eases me but there are a lot of things I’ve been reflecting about our relationship and I still don’t know the true reason he broke up with me. His reason for breaking up just wasn’t enough and I knew there was more to it so I’m just waiting until he’s ready to talk. Even though he says we’re not meant to be, I think we just had bad timing and we didn’t have a lot of freedom, so it caused the relationship to strain but I also believe that we can make it work now if those things are resolved. Of course, I won’t jump into anything and move too fast to get him back with me if he’s not ready but I just think the relationship ended because he needed time on his own to improve himself and I’m also prepared to improve my well-being and I’ve reflected a lot on what went wrong in the relationship. I know right now, he’s definitely not ready for a relationship but I know we still love each other. I’ve forgiven him for lying because I understood why he did it and I don’t have any grudges against him and he’s not the type to hold grudges either.

    Now I’ve been in NC for two days so far and I’m hoping to keep that up but the thing I’m thinking is if he contacts me during this time telling me he’s ready to talk about everything, if that’s a good enough reason to get off NC or if I should wait longer than 30 days of NC if he still isn’t ready for the talk? I was thinking that after he decides he’s ready to discuss everything with me, that I ask to develop a friendship with him instead of going straight back into a relationship and build from there. I’m still very sad about the break up and I miss him so much because he was like my best friend but I have been posting more often and just confiding in close friends to help me get through this. I’ve also been focusing on hobbies that I used to love.

    He treated me great and he was so kind and sweet to me. He loved me a lot, we discussed spending our future together but I think we just both need to be happy individually before we have any chance to be happy together and I need some advice on what to do.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 20, 2018 at 2:28 pm

      Hi E,

      Talk, if he just gave you the reason for the break up and didn’t get back together with you to work things out, restart nc and stick to it because you already talked.

  2. Alicia

    February 13, 2018 at 10:29 pm

    My ex broke up with his girlfriend. We went on a date shortly after, had a great time but the next day he became distant. It’s been over a week and he seems annoyed when we talk. We use to talk every single day. He says he’s trying to figure stuff out but I don’t know what to do at this point. Do I go into NC and give him space?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 18, 2018 at 1:38 pm

      Hi Alicia,

      How long was your first relationship with him and how many times have you broken up?