What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

I Miss My Ex Like Crazy! How Do I Get Him Back?

If you are reading this article, then you know the feeling. Or maybe I should say, you know the mixture of feelings.

First, there is probably anger or sadness, or a mixture of the two in a “How could he?” tone of voice.

Then the regret kicks in, followed by the obsessive behavior. There might be little sparks of anger in the midst of these emotions as well.

First of all, it’s okay. This is the grieving process.

And you might think, “Grieving process?

Chris I want to get him back, not give up!” But essentially, the rough part has already happened. You’ve gone through the breakup part. And no matter what happened to cause the split, I’ve helped so many people with so many breakups that I can say the “symptoms of a breakup,” are usually all the same.

  • You check your phone constantly for any communication from him.
  • You stalk their social media.
  • You text them long chunks of overly emotional texts when they don’t text you.
  • You post very bitter and emotional quotes on your social media that everyone knows is directed toward your ex.
  • If you ex does respond to you, you lose your cool and a fight ensues.

I could go on, because there are so many more.

But there’s something I came to realize after writing the book for Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro. There is a delicate balance of three factors that work together that should help you get your ex back.

What are they you ask? Scarcity, Urgency, and Investment.

Scarcity

So if you’re already in No Contact, you’re already practicing the basics of Scarcity.

Congratulations!

So you’re in No Contact, and you let’s say you get into fitness. “When in doubt, work it out,” Right? While at the gym, let’s say you meet a guy, and he asks you out. And you go out, because, let’s be honest, it’s a dinner date, not marriage.

So you post this on social media; The date, the food, the gym pics. Oh, and the next day, you just happen to get that big promotion you were working towards. You look amazing, you feel amazing and it shows. And trust me, it’s not just friends and family who are finding this out on your social media. But guess who can’t talk to you about it?

What scarcity boils down to is, there is only one of you, and you just came back on the market. Your ex knows this, and no matter what the reason was for the breakup, he no longer has access to you.

Now, take what you’ve observed about yourself after the breakup. The anxiety, the obsessiveness kicks in and it makes you crazy. Why? Because you no longer have access to something you’re used to having access to, and you probably had no say in the matter.

He may not show it, but he’s processing these same feelings, but most likely at different times and in different ways than you. But trust me, it happens. Now imagine all those thoughts he’s having when he sees you dating other guys. Not only that but now he’s thinking about texting you to see how you are doing, (even though, let’s be honest, he knows what you’re doing). But what happens when he tries to get in touch with you? He just can’t seem to get a hold of you.

Have they moved on? Who have they moved on with? What have I done?

Even if he’s the stubborn guy, that makes no effort to get in touch with you, he’s still curious about you and your every day life. Especially if he’s seeing it on your feeds.

So what happens when you do contact him again? What happens when you build rapport, and he sees that you are this cool, calm, collected, and very accomplished person? What do you think goes through his head? All kinds of thoughts.

What are they doing? Have they forgot about me? Did I make the wrong decision?

This creates a sense of Urgency.

Urgency


So is Urgency a product of Scarcity?

Yes and no.

They actually kind of work hand in hand. But more on that later. So how does Urgency work? Urgency is anything you can do to create a situation where your ex has to lock you down or else.

For example, if he sees you dating another guy he would feel urgency to “claim his territory.”

Another example is making him feel like he’s never felt before so he has to lock you down. This is why going out while in No Contact is so important. You have to be able to create rapport with your ex with the experiences you have. But he also needs to know that you are no longer tied down to him, and if he wants to change that, he needs to act fast.

Which brings me to the next factor. If he’s going to act fast and “claim you as his,” he’s going to have to make some investment.

Investment

You might be thinking,

“Investment? I’m already investing in myself, by focusing on me.”

Which is good. The kind of investment that I want to focus on here is totally from him.

Is he at a point where he is actively investing his time into you through texts and phone calls? Have you built enough rapport with him by keeping your texts and conversations positive that he is emotionally invested in what is going on with you?

Let’s say for instance you text him, and he doesn’t reply. Now if you are familiar with being an Ungettable Girl/Guy, you know that you don’t respond with text gnatting or emotional displays of

“Where are you,”

“What have I done to upset you,”

or my personal favorite,

“Well if you aren’t going to respond me, I won’t bother you anymore, have a nice life.”

Ungettable Girls do not use texts that involve this attention seeking behavior.

Ungettable Girls get their attention naturally.

Instead, you go about your day. If he responds, he does. If he doesn’t… then he doesn’t. This is where understanding tide theory comes into play. But also, you need to understand that, “Hey” or “What’s up?” Is not enough to get a person to talk to you, much less your ex.

This is why it’s so important to go out and experience new things while your in No Contact. But, I also need to point out that it’s important to keep experiencing new and exciting things regardless of whether you get your ex back. UG’s don’t quit being UG’s just because they got him back. They don’t go back to their old ways, I mean, look what happened.

He has to understand at this point that you are “the world’s most interesting person,” and if he’s the guy that gave you up, he looks like an idiot. But, he also has to understand that any negative behavior he may have exhibited before won’t be tolerated by you. You don’t have time for it, and attitudes like that are a dime a dozen. He can be easily replaced.

This is what it means to get investment from him. How is he investing in getting you back in his life?

How These 3 Factors Work Together?

I said earlier that these factors don’t necessarily follow in sequential steps with each other. They work together in a synergistic way. Now, if your not familiar with that word, let me break that down, because I think sometimes, we think that synergy is about a couple of things working together. That is not wrong. But the idea behind synergy is that components work together in order to produce something that is much greater than the components. So the outcome is greater that the whole.

What does this mean when in comes to Scarcity, Urgency, and Investment?

These are components to a greater whole. And of course, there are components to these three Factors. Scarcity doesn’t work without No Content. Urgency doesn’t work without the idea of Ungettable Girl/Guy. Investment doesn’t work without Tide Theory.

Each of these factors depend on each other to produce the greater outcome, which is getting your ex back.

So how do you become awesome at creating these factors?
You use a combination of No Contact, being the Ungettable Girl/Guy, and Tide Theory when you get to the texting phase.

Imagine if you will, two people that go through breakups with their guys. The first person, gives themselves a day to grieve for what was. Then they make a plan. They want that ex back, but at the same time they realize that they don’t want the same relationship that they had, because it obviously didn’t work. So this person, makes the decision to do a No Contact period away from the ex. This person also makes a list of things they want to accomplish while during this No Contact time. They decide what they are going to learn, how they are going to further their career, and what they are going to see and do that they didn’t get a chance to while they were in a relationship. They also decide it’s time for a new look that they’ve been wanting to try. They get in shape, or they set a new fitness goal. And they make the steps to accomplish those.

During this time, they date, they go out with friends, they volunteer. They socialize and interact with people on a regular basis. And it all gets posted on social media. Pictures of this amazing person accomplishing amazing things smiling and looking happy get put on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. It doesn’t even really have to be on social media. He could here from “a friend of a friend,” that someone saw you the other day and you looked amazing.

Is their ex checking out their profile? You better believe it. Does their ex have a sense of Urgency to get in touch with them and find out what’s going on? Absolutely.

Now let’s take a look at the other person. This person never does or completes No Contact. They text long chunks of text full of emotion that makes their ex not want to talk to them. This person also does not focus on their own growth. They focus only on the negative breakup, the negative emotions they are having, and the negative feedback they are getting from their ex. Their ex, finally, just can’t take anymore. They start blocking this person on everything. Calls get ignored. Phone numbers get changed. He may even opt to move away. And in the end, all this person accomplished was putting that much more distance between them and their ex. No sense of Urgency was created, and no Investment was made by the ex to get them back.

So my question now is which one do you want to be? Do you want to be the one that your ex run and hides from because you project an unstable, negative emotion about you, and the thought and sight of you only reminds them of these times? Or do you want to be the cool, calm, and collected person, that is accomplished, meets or exceeds their goals in life, and is well liked or adored by their peers? Do want to be the total package that lights up the room, or do you want to be the killjoy that people avoid because you only remind them of the broken negativeness in your life, and theirs?

Obviously, you want to be the positive! Misery only loves company for so long, then it leaves.

So how are you going to spend your No Contact? What goals are you going to accomplish? What attributes do you have that make you Ungettable Girl?

Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter

15 responses to “I Miss My Ex Like Crazy! How Do I Get Him Back?”

  1. Jaime says:

    Hey. I need some advice.
    I met my ex in magaluf, we spent everyday together, he flew back whilst i was there for another month. He wanted us to be together and live together the following year when we both went out again.
    Anyway, 5 days after i got back (he lives in wales and me england) he just disappeared. I went mad with worry of why he wasnt texting me back. Apparently his head was ‘fucked’ and left it at that, so after tons of messages i eventually gave up. Que, a few days later i ended up in a car crash and texted him, no reply till the next day (he had been on lads weekend away even though he said he could never get time off to come see me) as im still recovering. Anyway we spoke for 2 days and i caught him out on one of his posts about finding a girlfriend and hanging up his party boots which absolutely rattled me! He eventually told me that its cause of the distance. Even though i tried to end it previously because of the same reason and he held on, and didnt want us to break up!
    Might i add – he tells everyone he still misses me and hates being without me

    Anyway, after 7 unreplied texts i have finally started NC, 2 days in!
    Im trying to keep improving myself, and im still recovering from my car accident. But do i still have a chance of getting him back and how should i contact him after NC is over?
    Please help. Even after 3 months together i fell for him and by what our mutual friends say he fell for me hard. I just dont understand why hes being like this he knows i cant stand ignorance or ghosting.
    I have deleted and blocked him off all social media

  2. dree says:

    Hi Chris! Thanks for your website, it sustained me through my past breakup (almost a year ago!)

    Background story: Ex (22M) left me (20F) when I was suicidal, severely depressed because he couldn’t handle the stress. Started dating another girl one week later.

    My current status: Happy with life, exercise alot, been really busy & meeting up with many friends. I’m completely healed from my depression, there have been people hitting on me… And while i’m 80% over him I still love him.

    We began NC immediately after the breakup. I broke no contact after going for 14 days, was drunk, reached out and asked to meet. Was on day 14 of my second NC attempt when he reached out to me asking if I was free to meet during the weekend. I ignored. He started posting on social media to agitate me (stories of his new girl, hickies, etc) when he’s not the type of person. i’d already hit the point where I didn’t care anymore, was just like meh.

    Thursday he texted again, “I’ll pop by to pick up my stuff during the weekend, ok? If you don’t wanna meet or reply you can pass to (mutual friend) thanks!” So i took that as a I-don’t-need-to-reply and ignored.

    Sat morning he texted my good friend C, asking her to get me to reply, claiming that it was urgent. She replied saying, yea, okay sure is everything alright? And he said “Ah yes everything’s fine, just wanted to meet up with her and talk, for closure”

    Just an hour later he texts my mom, telling her he needs his jacket urgently from me as he’s going overseas on holiday next week and needed it. Mom didn’t respond, as I didn’t want her to get involved.
    He started calling me repeatedly, which I refused to pick up. I texted him a few hours later saying “Sorry, I didn’t know you needed your jacket urgently. When do you need it by?” He refused to give me a proper answer, asked me what time i’d get home today. I’d be reaching home at around 2am, so I told him that, he suggested tomorrow instead. I had plans already so I asked when was his flight. He refused to give me a proper answer and just told me to pass it to (mutual friend). I said okay sure but isn’t it urgent? And he got really angry, saying yea sure it is, if not I wouldn’t spam call & text you.

    mutual friend is even busier than I am. Would definitely be much faster for him to just collect it from me. He was extremely hostile and got angry after i’d said that? I just ignored his messages after

    What should I do? 🙁 I’ve already gotten a mutual friend to return his clothes on my behalf.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Dree,

      when was all this? Obviously he just used that as an excuse to get you to reply and to get the upper hand back..

  3. K says:

    My ldr(we saw each other regularly and are in the same time zone)ex of 1.5 year is undergoing a lot of work stress and financial problems with his startup, he initially asked for a break but I pushed him to choose between trying to work it out or just break up right now, and he chose to break up but the next day texted me that he will come back when he is stronger and he is not looking for anyone else. Been NC for 26 days now, should I get all my things from his place since I am going to his city next week. Was it correct that i used NC in this situation?

    • K says:

      I accepted the breakup and agreed with him, applied NC rightaway, he reached out a few times but I responded to two being short and close-ended

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi K,

      you can get your things if you want to after nc, and yes, you are right in doing nc right away. Are you actively improving yourself and posting in social media?

  4. danny says:

    hi there, can I make a suggestion to the website? Could you write posts about how a presumptive rebound girl can get her ex back? and how to deal with the fact that his previous ex is trying to win him back as well? I would appreciate a good insight on love triangles ☺ thanks!

  5. Regina says:

    Desperate situation. after months as friends my ex is moving away (we had a ldr but now is further, when we where together were 1 hour by train, now it will be 2 by plane). He have spending a few days in the new city this week, searching for an apartament and I think he is spending time with a girl he met online (I met her from twitter just like him), she is desperate for him and well, he is a guy…and what better for starting in a new city? Kinda rebound? Maybe. The thing is that she is there and I’m not and he hates LDR, so problem, big problem.
    We have agreed to meet before he moves, so this next week or the following. And before he went to the apartment search he told me that whatever it happens between us when we met (first time after he broke up with me), it doesn’t mean that it is the last of us, that we will always have the opportunity of having more.
    But now, after spending that days of happiness planning his new life and probably with a girl…I am afraid he changed his mind and doesn’t want to meet with me. I was planning to ask him for another chance (I have read your website and I have came up with the best way, including a plan for the LDR, distance would be only for a few months). But…compare being with me, his ex, in a LDR or being with a new girl there, without problems or distance. She shouldn’t be better than me: she seems to have no personality, no social life and no interests besides his: I know her a little since more than a year and she changed his tastes completely after starting to talk with him and she is now his “clone”. But she is there, in his new city, his favorite city. And this is an awful case of “greener grass”. I know I’m better, I know I can make him happy (I still did it a few times recently, without being with him) but I don’t lnow how to “sell” it to him and I have no time. I spend months building this and now…time is up. I’ve been working during these months and making improvements in me and in our relationship, at first he ignored me, I went NC, we got better…but with him moving away and starting a new life, maybe with a new girl…I ran out of time, even these days there with everything so perfect for him (is not the real life…just a few days chasing his dream of living in that city and obviously everything is wonderful, with that mindset it is impossible to make him miss me…)
    How can I ask him for another chance? And even if he told me several times that we will met before he moves (so before October), I am scared that he changedhis mind…how can I convince him? I nedd to see him in person, I need him to see me: is easier to say no without looking at the other person and he hasn’t seen me since before the break up… Anything I can do? I don’t have much time… And I have to do it now: is my last chance before he is out…and I need it, if he doesn’t want now, he’ll never want, with a new life there…

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Regina,

      Don’t be desperate..desperation is not attractive..It’s the opposite of being an ungettable girl..

    • Regina says:

      I know Amor but I have no time left. I was doing everything step by step, NC, building rapport, being friends…we were getting closer and as I told, he even said that whatever it happened when we see each other, it doesn’t mean it is the last, that we’ll always have a chance for having more… That was two days ago and less than a week ago he still was kinda flirting with me and promising that we’ll meet during the next two weeks but I am afraid he changed his mind if during this days he get involved with that girl (still, they were friends when he told me that and I know him, he wouldn’t say something like that if he was starting with another girl, but…maybe being there…as I told, she is crazy about him and he is a guy, she lives in the “right” city for him now…). I need to see him and above all, I need him to see me. And I wanted to aski him for another chance because…my time is up, he is moving and…
      But he is so happy with his new life that I don’t know how to convince him that it would be better for him having a LDR with me instead of being with a girl there. I am competing with someone who has built the perfect image of compatibilily for him (mostly fake, I know it) and lives in the correct plance, and with his new life.
      I was playing my cards slowly but sure and I was getting results, I think that if it weren’t for his moving, with a little more time… But I have no time and he hates LDR. But I know that we could work and this time I have a plan for the future, just 9 or 10 months of distance. But… What if he doesn’t want to meet? He promised but I am afraid… It wouldn’t be the same via text message, emotions can be ingnored in that way and I need him to feel, to experience me, for the first tie after the break up. I don’t know…

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      she does have the advantage of being in the same place with him but the question is, are you the type of woman that would not chase a guy, has value that a guy would regret not having and knows this? When you invest in a guy, you have to invest equally. Don’t chase a guy because the more you chase, the more he will take you for granted and your value in his eyes lowers because you also convey that you don’t value yourself. It’s better to lose a guy than to lose yourself.

  6. Aso says:

    My ex boyfriend and I were together for a little over 4 years. We broke up about 6 months ago. Before the breakup we were very very close and very much in love. After we broke up i suspected he went into a rebound relationship and i use to pursue him every other month or few weeks basically begging him to let us work things out. He was saying he is not ready for a relationship right now, so after I saw that he might be serious I went into no contact for a little over 45 days. I suspected that the rebound didnt work out (although i dont think that is relevant to what i am saying now, just thought it is worth mentioning). We recently started talking again I was the one who reach out, he is the stubborn type like u mention above. when we first started talking we would argue almost everyday and went over what happened why we broke up. after almost 3 weeks of fighting. I asked to see him. When we met I could tell that he was putting his guard up and being defensive, he was being awkward and so did I. I went into no contact for almost two days to see if he would reach out and he did reached out to me to check up on me. After that I started missing him again very much so i told him I wanted to see him, he was reluctant and i begged him and he showed up. When we saw each other his guard was not up this time and we spend the time cuddling watching tv and talking like old times and things felt normal again. We spoke the morning after and he confessed to me that he still loves me. We had another interaction after that and he was so happy to hear from me we were on the phone one for almost a hour talking and laughing like old times. Things feel normal again all the negative feelings is gone. Now I dont know what my next move should be. Should I go back into no contact now that he is thinking about me again and make him come around or slowly build rapport.

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