By Chris Seiter

Updated on May 18th, 2021

If you are reading this article, then you know the feeling. Or maybe I should say, you know the mixture of feelings.

First, there is probably anger or sadness, or a mixture of the two in a “How could he?” tone of voice.

Then the regret kicks in, followed by the obsessive behavior. There might be little sparks of anger in the midst of these emotions as well.

First of all, it’s okay. This is the grieving process.

And you might think, “Grieving process?

Chris I want to get him back, not give up!” But essentially, the rough part has already happened. You’ve gone through the breakup part. And no matter what happened to cause the split, I’ve helped so many people with so many breakups that I can say the “symptoms of a breakup,” are usually all the same.

  • You check your phone constantly for any communication from him.
  • You stalk their social media.
  • You text them long chunks of overly emotional texts when they don’t text you.
  • You post very bitter and emotional quotes on your social media that everyone knows is directed toward your ex.
  • If you ex does respond to you, you lose your cool and a fight ensues.

I could go on, because there are so many more.

But there’s something I came to realize after writing the book for Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro. There is a delicate balance of three factors that work together that should help you get your ex back.

What are they you ask? Scarcity, Urgency, and Investment.


So if you’re already in No Contact, you’re already practicing the basics of Scarcity.


So you’re in No Contact, and you let’s say you get into fitness. “When in doubt, work it out,” Right? While at the gym, let’s say you meet a guy, and he asks you out. And you go out, because, let’s be honest, it’s a dinner date, not marriage.

So you post this on social media; The date, the food, the gym pics. Oh, and the next day, you just happen to get that big promotion you were working towards. You look amazing, you feel amazing and it shows. And trust me, it’s not just friends and family who are finding this out on your social media. But guess who can’t talk to you about it?

What scarcity boils down to is, there is only one of you, and you just came back on the market. Your ex knows this, and no matter what the reason was for the breakup, he no longer has access to you.

Now, take what you’ve observed about yourself after the breakup. The anxiety, the obsessiveness kicks in and it makes you crazy. Why? Because you no longer have access to something you’re used to having access to, and you probably had no say in the matter.

He may not show it, but he’s processing these same feelings, but most likely at different times and in different ways than you. But trust me, it happens. Now imagine all those thoughts he’s having when he sees you dating other guys. Not only that but now he’s thinking about texting you to see how you are doing, (even though, let’s be honest, he knows what you’re doing). But what happens when he tries to get in touch with you? He just can’t seem to get a hold of you.

Have they moved on? Who have they moved on with? What have I done?

Even if he’s the stubborn guy, that makes no effort to get in touch with you, he’s still curious about you and your every day life. Especially if he’s seeing it on your feeds.

So what happens when you do contact him again? What happens when you build rapport, and he sees that you are this cool, calm, collected, and very accomplished person? What do you think goes through his head? All kinds of thoughts.

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What are they doing? Have they forgot about me? Did I make the wrong decision?

This creates a sense of Urgency.

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So is Urgency a product of Scarcity?

Yes and no.

They actually kind of work hand in hand. But more on that later. So how does Urgency work? Urgency is anything you can do to create a situation where your ex has to lock you down or else.

For example, if he sees you dating another guy he would feel urgency to “claim his territory.”

Another example is making him feel like he’s never felt before so he has to lock you down. This is why going out while in No Contact is so important. You have to be able to create rapport with your ex with the experiences you have. But he also needs to know that you are no longer tied down to him, and if he wants to change that, he needs to act fast.

Which brings me to the next factor. If he’s going to act fast and “claim you as his,” he’s going to have to make some investment.


You might be thinking,

“Investment? I’m already investing in myself, by focusing on me.”

Which is good. The kind of investment that I want to focus on here is totally from him.

Is he at a point where he is actively investing his time into you through texts and phone calls? Have you built enough rapport with him by keeping your texts and conversations positive that he is emotionally invested in what is going on with you?

Let’s say for instance you text him, and he doesn’t reply. Now if you are familiar with being an Ungettable Girl/Guy, you know that you don’t respond with text gnatting or emotional displays of

“Where are you,”

“What have I done to upset you,”

or my personal favorite,

“Well if you aren’t going to respond me, I won’t bother you anymore, have a nice life.”

Ungettable Girls do not use texts that involve this attention seeking behavior.

Ungettable Girls get their attention naturally.

Instead, you go about your day. If he responds, he does. If he doesn’t… then he doesn’t. This is where understanding tide theory comes into play. But also, you need to understand that, “Hey” or “What’s up?” Is not enough to get a person to talk to you, much less your ex.

This is why it’s so important to go out and experience new things while your in No Contact. But, I also need to point out that it’s important to keep experiencing new and exciting things regardless of whether you get your ex back. UG’s don’t quit being UG’s just because they got him back. They don’t go back to their old ways, I mean, look what happened.

He has to understand at this point that you are “the world’s most interesting person,” and if he’s the guy that gave you up, he looks like an idiot. But, he also has to understand that any negative behavior he may have exhibited before won’t be tolerated by you. You don’t have time for it, and attitudes like that are a dime a dozen. He can be easily replaced.

This is what it means to get investment from him. How is he investing in getting you back in his life?

How These 3 Factors Work Together?

I said earlier that these factors don’t necessarily follow in sequential steps with each other. They work together in a synergistic way. Now, if your not familiar with that word, let me break that down, because I think sometimes, we think that synergy is about a couple of things working together. That is not wrong. But the idea behind synergy is that components work together in order to produce something that is much greater than the components. So the outcome is greater that the whole.

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What does this mean when in comes to Scarcity, Urgency, and Investment?

These are components to a greater whole. And of course, there are components to these three Factors. Scarcity doesn’t work without No Content. Urgency doesn’t work without the idea of Ungettable Girl/Guy. Investment doesn’t work without Tide Theory.

Each of these factors depend on each other to produce the greater outcome, which is getting your ex back.

So how do you become awesome at creating these factors?
You use a combination of No Contact, being the Ungettable Girl/Guy, and Tide Theory when you get to the texting phase.

Imagine if you will, two people that go through breakups with their guys. The first person, gives themselves a day to grieve for what was. Then they make a plan. They want that ex back, but at the same time they realize that they don’t want the same relationship that they had, because it obviously didn’t work. So this person, makes the decision to do a No Contact period away from the ex. This person also makes a list of things they want to accomplish while during this No Contact time. They decide what they are going to learn, how they are going to further their career, and what they are going to see and do that they didn’t get a chance to while they were in a relationship. They also decide it’s time for a new look that they’ve been wanting to try. They get in shape, or they set a new fitness goal. And they make the steps to accomplish those.

During this time, they date, they go out with friends, they volunteer. They socialize and interact with people on a regular basis. And it all gets posted on social media. Pictures of this amazing person accomplishing amazing things smiling and looking happy get put on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. It doesn’t even really have to be on social media. He could here from “a friend of a friend,” that someone saw you the other day and you looked amazing.

Is their ex checking out their profile? You better believe it. Does their ex have a sense of Urgency to get in touch with them and find out what’s going on? Absolutely.

Now let’s take a look at the other person. This person never does or completes No Contact. They text long chunks of text full of emotion that makes their ex not want to talk to them. This person also does not focus on their own growth. They focus only on the negative breakup, the negative emotions they are having, and the negative feedback they are getting from their ex. Their ex, finally, just can’t take anymore. They start blocking this person on everything. Calls get ignored. Phone numbers get changed. He may even opt to move away. And in the end, all this person accomplished was putting that much more distance between them and their ex. No sense of Urgency was created, and no Investment was made by the ex to get them back.

So my question now is which one do you want to be? Do you want to be the one that your ex run and hides from because you project an unstable, negative emotion about you, and the thought and sight of you only reminds them of these times? Or do you want to be the cool, calm, and collected person, that is accomplished, meets or exceeds their goals in life, and is well liked or adored by their peers? Do want to be the total package that lights up the room, or do you want to be the killjoy that people avoid because you only remind them of the broken negativeness in your life, and theirs?

Obviously, you want to be the positive! Misery only loves company for so long, then it leaves.

So how are you going to spend your No Contact? What goals are you going to accomplish? What attributes do you have that make you Ungettable Girl?

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46 thoughts on “I Miss My Ex Like Crazy! How Do I Get Him Back?”

  1. Wendy

    April 14, 2019 at 11:23 pm

    Hy Chris it’s been 6 months since I’ve broken up with my ex, I’m fine and all we haven’t spoken since last year November I’ve blocked him so did he right after me, I’m fine but I really do miss him, I’ve some on and off relationships but I really miss him somthing in my head is saying no man I miss my man, how do I go about with this I can’t contact him bcz Ive told myself that I’m moving on and I don’t need him but deep down I really miss this guy. I feel like I’m going to go crazy if I can’t be with him.. I’m happy and all but the more the months go the more I just want to be with him and really miss him the first 3 months after the break up I didn’t miss him but now it’s getting worst *help* please.

    1. Chris Seiter

      April 15, 2019 at 2:31 pm

      High Wendy…you should take a deeper dive into my Program…”EBR Pro” as I think it can help you.

  2. Alyssa

    February 27, 2018 at 1:11 am

    I wanted to just ask a few questions about my recent break up. I feel like I’ve read almost every article on this website and they’re very helpful but I still get inside my head and can’t just let time pass and see what happens.
    My ex boyfriend broke up with me a week ago. We have been together for 2 years and we’re both 20 years old. We are young but we have talked about marriage and we’ve even lived together at one point. He has broken up with me in the past.. a total of 3 times.. this time is number 4. The first time was a few days. Next a week.. next 2 weeks.. the last time was a month. Now here we are again. His friends and family love me and say he’s making a mistake and that he’s going to come back because he always does. No matter what he says. At the time of the break up he said “I’m done for good, I don’t want to keep hurting you” but then he said “yes I see myself with you again but I need to do this” he’s said ALL of this before and comes back. Is this time different? Is he really done? Or should I just not pay him any attention and relax knowing he’ll be back?
    In the past he’s told me “I’ve thought about you every night for that month but I wanted to make sure I was done before I came back because I dont want to break up with you again.” 3 months later he broke up with me again..
    He’s blocked me everywhere but twitter and his email. (This is what he always does) nothing is really different than the other times besides the reason of the break up. Before it was to be single and have freedom back. Now it’s because he doesn’t want to hurt me he “wants to focus on himself and move on, and be alone.” Do we still have a chance? Does he miss me? Is he coming back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 27, 2018 at 2:40 pm

      HI Alyssa,

      have you checked this one:
      How To Get An On Again/Off Again Boyfriend Back

  3. Anne Marie

    January 24, 2018 at 9:57 pm


    The story from here, with the author’s boyfriend from high school, is pretty similar with my story with my ex-boyfriend, the one that I want back right now. My story goes like this: I had a boyfriend that I loved a lot. We were together for a bit more than one month, but I developed quite strong feelings for him. Everything seemed to be perfect, or at least I thought so.

    Our relationship evolved too quickly, I would say now. I mean, just like the author of this article, after 2 weeks of dating, me and my ex were so in love with each other, we were making plans about a future together (to a lesser extent, I also saw myself married to him and so on, but I had never told him this, and I’m glad I didn’t), we were crazy about each other. It was my birthday as well, so after 2 weeks of dating, I introduced him to my parents, and now I know it was too early for this, but it was my birthday, and I wanted my parents to see that he was a nice guy indeed. Everything was OK, we then had a walk in a park where we cuddled and kissed and so on. Everything was fine until 2 days before the new year. He started telling me that he cannot cuddle for hours, and that he was sad that we didn’t have too many things to do together, and that he told me these things so that I wouldn’t suffer too much if we broke up, and even asked me not to be too clingy when we met. And at the new year, he kind of ignored me… He preferred staying with his friends more than staying with me… OK, don’t get me wrong, I didn’t mind him staying with his friends since he had known them for more time than he had known me, but I felt weird because of his behaviour…

    And yes, then he told me he didn’t feel the same for me any more, that he wanted to be closer to me, but couldn’t, that he could no longer say cute things to me, because he no longer felt like saying them and that everything had to come from him, his feelings for me had to come from him, and asked me not to force him to feel something for me, because right then he couldn’t feel it. And I started crying and asking him why, if I had done something wrong, and he gave me the “it’s not you, it’s me” excuse, that if there was someone to look down in shame, it was him, because he couldn’t feel something until the end, because he was confused and didn’t know what he wanted, because he had made me feel bad. And then he asked me for a break, so that he could put his thoughts in order. I gave him 4 days, and we talked after these 4 days. Only then did I realise that 4 days weren’t enough, and that he said that he had felt good during those days, because he was alone and could concentrate on himself more. I kept begging him on the phone to try and give us another chance, I kept asking him to tell me something cute, but he said he couldn’t and that we should just stay like this, so that something would come out from him in the end. I kept asking him for the same things until he told me he had to go to sleep, and wished me “good night” and hung up the phone. I asked him on social media if he had got mad at me, and he told me that he wasn’t mad at me, but that he felt like he couldn’t pretend that everything was fine for a while, because he would make me feel worse, and also told me that we would keep talking, hoping that he would start to feel something for me again, but if he wouldn’t, then he could no longer do anything about it, and all he wanted to to do in case he could no longer feel anything for me was for me not to suffer too much, because he had been there as well and knew how it was to suffer a lot. He asked me to go on with my life for the moment, to concentrate on my exams and on other important things, because I would see if he starts to feel something for me again. I told him that I could somehow wait for him for a while, but not forever, and he asked me not to wait for him, and concentrate on my exams now, because this is what is important for me right now (I guess he wanted to tell me not to think of him 24/7, because it would do me no good). Then I asked him if we would keep talking and see what would happened, and he said that this is what we would do, but again he asked me not to wait for him (maybe he wanted to say again that I shouldn’t obssess over his decision, and go on with my life and see what would happen, and maybe in his mind, he may have thought that if I gave him some space, he may start to have feelings for me again, maybe he wants to see me as happy and positive as I was at the beginning, not as sad, desperate, clingy and needy as I was when we broke up and when I talked to him). That was the day when I decided to apply the No Contact Rule. However, I had to contact him after 3-4 days, because I had a death in my family, and he told me that he was sorry to hear about my loss and asked me to stay strong, because I had to, and that he knew I could do it (that I could be strong).

    And now I’m in the No Contact period. It’s been 10 days since that last conversation with him. Now that I think more of this story, I think that at the beginning of the relationship I was a bit different than I was towards its end (as I briefly mentioned above). I mean, at the beginning I was funnier, more friendly, more positive, I had a shy happiness and positivity in me that he liked, otherwise he wouldn’t have been with me, I wasn’t afraid of losing him or of him cheating on me, but as I said, the relationship progessed too quickly, so the fear of losing him started growing in me, and I became more clingy and more needy and more insecure than I should have been, and maybe this was the real reason why he broke up with me in the end: because he felt like I was desperate and that I depended on him, that my life was centered around him, and maybe these things scared him, but he used the “it’s not you, it’s me” excuse because he didn’t want to hurt my feelings. And besides that, maybe he felt that I was afraid of losing him, even if I didn’t tell him that, but maybe he felt it.

    So now I’m in the No Contact period, and I have a gut feeling that he’s starting to miss me (he didn’t tell me so, I feel it), while I’m slowly getting better. And I hope that the fact that he said that we would keep talking, hoping that he would start feeling something for me again, and that I would see if he starts feeling something for me again, wasn’t just an excuse to make me feel better. Of course I hope he said it to make me feel better, but I hope that he said it also because he’s thinking of coming back to me, but he just needs some space right now, some time alone in order to figure out what he feels for me. I mean, he had always been honest with me, so why would he lie to me now?

    And after I told him about the loss in my family, I was the one to ask him for a break. I told him that the truth was that I needed a little time alone so that I could conentrate on myself and my exams and my life in general, as well as recovering from the pain caused by that loss, and he too needed some time alone to concentrate on himself and his work, and I asked him if he agreed with the fact of us talking after a little time (no limit this time) about what subject he would want, when we would both feel better, and he said “yes, sure…”, and I ended the conversation by thanking him for understanding, and telling him I had to go and that we would talk again some other time, and that was all. I started the No Contact period again, and the fact that I asked him for some time made me stop talking to him for a while and it’s been 10 days already.

    And yes, I still feel the need to talk to him during this NC period, I still feel the need to tell him about the grades from my exams, but I’m fighting hard with myself not to text him, and to concentrate on my life now, and let him come back on his own.

    The questions I have are the following ones:
    1. Will he come back if I gave him the space he had asked for?
    2. After reading my story, do you think there are chances for him to contact me at some point if I leave him alone for a while?
    3. Do you think he’s really thinking of coming back to me if he asked me to be in contact, hoping he’d feel something for me again? I mean, maybe he didn’t really want me to be completely out of his life, and he may indeed be thinking of being with me again in the future (he even told me that he was pretty sure he couldn’t start feeling something for me again the following days, but maybe after a while, he could start having feelings for me again).
    4. Are there chances that my gut feeling about him starting to miss me while I’m slowly getting better can be true?

    And the main question is: do you think he may be coming back at some point? I mean, we didn’t have conflicts, we didn’t cheat, we didn’t have a nasty break-up, and I think his decision of breaking up was quite rash (he said it wasn’t a rash decision, because he had been thinking of this for some days; yeah, they were DAYS, not weeks or months, and no signs of him wanting to break up, and, in my opnion at least, a decision taken in a few days – I assume there were 2-3 days, not more – is a rash decision, it’s a decision upon which one can change his mind if he is given the space and time he needs to analyze the decision).

    And sorry if there are mistakes in my English, but it’s not my native language.

    Thank you for taking your time to read and analyze my story, and for replying!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 25, 2018 at 7:22 pm

      Hi Anne Marie,

      Condolence to you and your family. Regarding your relationship, it was rushed. That’s common with being young. The nc rule is more you to focus in improving yourself, not just to be silent to see if he will get back with you and it’s not guaranteed to work in any situation, it just helps increase your chances.. It’s also common for exes to ask to be friends because they’re used to talking to you. If he will come back, maybe but the bottom line is, don’t rush things. You broke up in the honeymoon phase, so all of this is emotional for you but after your nc, which I think you should do at least 21 days, take it slow and don’t stop having your own life. Also, nc means no initiating, no replying. That means you have to restart the count from the day you contacted him because of the death in your family.

  4. Rose

    December 22, 2017 at 1:51 am


    This is a lengthy message and I’m not sure if you guys can really help me out with my situation, it’s kind of complicated, but I’d really appreciate any feedback.
    My ex and I had dated for about a year. After we broke up, I broke no contact and things went badly. I just continued no contact hoping for a response from him, but at this point he had said he was with another girl 🙁
    After the break up I just decided to move on, I was suffering from depression about the break up (and sometimes I find myself still suffering from it).
    It’s been almost two years…and I had just began to settle with the fact that we just weren’t meant to be or that he doesn’t want me in his life.
    The other day, I got a message from my ex’s best friend. He said that he just happened to stumble on my Facebook somehow and asked how I was and what I was up to etc.
    I began to wonder whether my ex had sent his best friend out to fish for what I was up to. But I didn’t want to get my hopes up so I just figured that it was a coincidence and really had nothing to do with my ex. I just think his best friend is being friendly with me. But I am confused as to why his best friend is messaging me. We have no relationship. I have met him once and he and his girlfriend are engaged.
    What should I do? Should I do anything? And if not, how do I get over this relationship when I’m still suffering from the emotional pain for almost two years?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 25, 2017 at 9:49 pm

      Hi Rose,

      Don’t assume and let it go.. The friend might have a lot of reasons you didn’t even think of.. for moving on, check this one:
      How To Get Over An Ex Boyfriend When You’re Still In Love With Him

  5. Liz

    November 13, 2017 at 7:21 pm

    My boyfriend broke up with me 6 months ago. First few months were horrible, i kept texting him and being a crazy ex. I finally stopped texting him and was able to complete the no contact rule. The thing is we do see each other a lot because we train at the same gym, I was able to take some time off to complete the no contact rule. We do see each other now we don’t really speak, we say hi, bye and if we do speak it has to do with training. I really miss him a lot and I don’t want to move on. What do I do now? I’m not sure how he feels about me. I know he has been dating. I just want to know how I can make him care about me and want me back??

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 17, 2017 at 8:25 pm

      Hi LIz,

      you have to build rapport slowly.. nothing’s going to happen if you don’t anything..

  6. Lost in love

    October 16, 2017 at 5:54 am

    Me and my ex. Broke up 2 months ago. He cheated after he asked for a break in his vacation time.i found out by his phone pics.i fought with him.he appologised but he kept being on and off.that made me make a move to speak with a guy in front of him.i didnt even expect he will be so angry with me and say feelings i didnt expect he had.and since then he changed.we spoke after some time.but he was mean to me.also said he love another one.though i know him well..he doesnt.and he admit he not.anyway the last thing was he said mean things on how we met and that he not wanting day he said sorry.and also he asked me if i go to the party of his work.i said no bcs noone told me.and our common friend invited me after he said confussed.he seemed am on no contact rule.after he blocked my number.i love him and want him back..and im sure his current date wont work.she is in another country.he check my fcbook recently.i find out by an app.i need help.i love him

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 16, 2017 at 11:39 pm

      How active are you now in improving yourself and in having a new routine?

  7. Poppy

    October 13, 2017 at 3:26 pm

    My ex broke up with me less than a month ago, I’m in nc right now. He unblocked me on instagram recently, one of my friends said it is because he’s moved on. I don’t know what to think could that be the case?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 14, 2017 at 10:48 am

      Hi Poppy,

      If he did, then if he sees you or talks to you would he think you did too? Would he be willing to be friendly because he thinks you moved on too?

  8. Dazed and Confused

    October 2, 2017 at 12:33 pm

    I was seeing this guy for two months, after a month he asked and we became exclusive. I met a lot of his friends/family and couple weeks ago he even told me to leave a toothbrush at his house. We talked every day pretty much all day and saw he each couple times each week. We really were comfortable around one another and I’ve never had so much in common with anyone else as I did with him. Then he got very stressed about school on top of working and within a week he went from completely fine and normal to telling me he really loves talking to me and we have so much in common but he thought he would feel more by now. Was very out of the blue literally everyone we spent time with is just as confused and shocked as me, they all say you guys seemed great like last week. He seemed fine. Two things it’s only been two months…I don’t think that’s a long enough period to for these very strong emotionally bonds long term relationships have would you agree? And if he didn’t have feelings why put in so much effort and attempt to make future plans and such? I truest believe because I was going through a stressful two weeks and he is very stressed out with school led him to do this. Could use an unbiased outside opinion if you don’t mind. I really liked him and felt we had a strong foundation to build a relationship on. Had so much in common, able to talk effortlessly all the time, found each other to be very attractive. Logic dictates should be able to make this relationship happen…. is it just stress?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 2, 2017 at 9:44 pm

      Yup, it could be just stress..

  9. Olivia

    September 30, 2017 at 2:10 pm

    Hi there, I am sorry that I wrote a lengthy post. My ex-boyfriend and I broke up three months ago, after 8 years of relationship. We are reaching 30 next year and we’ve talked about getting married next year. Before the breakup we were very close and very much in love. I was considered his closest person as his parents are living abroad. We have mutual friends and met both parents. Our relationship was quite steady until he decided to break up with me out of the blue. Reasons given by him was that he has been thinking about this for a while and said he wants to have freedom and is his fault not my fault those kinds of thing. Perhaps I was too dependent on him and might be clingy on him, so I guess he doesn’t see any value and attraction on me anymore. There are several things happened after the breakup – 1) I have moved out from our shared apartment. This is the first time we live separately after staying together for 8 years. 2) I had gone through the No Contact rule with him but he contacted me to collect my laundry from his place within the NC period 3) he has removed our Facebook relationship status 4) I wanted to show him that I have changed, but he refused to have a causal meetup with me. What should I do to get him back after receiving all the cold treatments and distant from him? I wasn’t sure if he is seeing someone else. I never thought I will lose him as we both have put in a lot of effort in this relationship. He is smart and at the same time would keep his feelings and emotions to himself. He knows that I will do anything to win him back. What should I do now? He’s a total stranger to me now and has been shutting me out of his life. I still have strong feelings for him even though he is moving on now. I seriously need your advice to guide me how to get him back.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 30, 2017 at 10:20 pm

      The proper way of doing nc is not initiating nor replying(unless for important matters and only talking about that, like exchanging things) being active in improving yourself and in posting during and after nc. Initiate contact after nc and slowly build rapport.. So, Restart nc and do at least 30 days

  10. Alicia

    September 29, 2017 at 3:19 pm

    Hi there, I am sorry that I wrote a lengthy post. My ex-boyfriend and I broke up three months ago, after 8 years of relationship. We are reaching 30 next year and we’ve talked about getting married next year. Before the breakup we were very close and very much in love. I was considered his closest person as his parents are living abroad. We have mutual friends and met both parents. Our relationship was quite steady until he decided to break up with me out of the blue. Reasons given by him was that he has been thinking about this for a while and said he wants to have freedom and is his fault not my fault those kinds of thing. I guess he doesn’t see any value and attraction on me anymore. There are several things happened after the breakup – 1) I have moved out from our shared apartment. This is the first time we live separately after staying together for so many years. 2) I had gone through the No Contact rule with him but he contacted me to collect my laundry from his place within the NC period 3) he has removed our Facebook relationship status 4) he refused to have a causal meetup with me. What should I do to get him back after receiving all the cold treatments and distant from him? I wasn’t sure if he is seeing someone else. I never thought I will lose him as we both have put in a lot of effort in this relationship. He is smart and at the same time would keep his feelings and emotions to himself. He knows that I will do anything to win him back. What should I do now? He’s a total stranger to me now and has been shutting me out of his life. I still have strong feelings for him even though he is moving on now. I seriously need your advice to guide me how to get him back. Please help me …

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 30, 2017 at 7:01 pm

      Hi Alicia,

      The proper way of doing nc is not initiating nor replying(unless for important matters and only talking about that, like exchanging things) being active in improving yourself and in posting during and after nc. Initiate contact after nc and slowly build rapport.. So, Restart nc and do at least 30 days

  11. Kim

    September 28, 2017 at 7:59 pm

    Why would my ex become distant after he tells me he is interested in talking about starting our relationship again. He emailed me that and told me that the last time we spoke. He told me to think on it and let him know? He knows I have started dating again. He has started dating again. He said he thinks about me on the dates. So if he really wants to be with me, why would he not try talking to me after that conversation?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 29, 2017 at 12:33 am

      He said you should think about it because you were unsure, so, he’s probably waiting for you to initiate.. if you want to give him a chance, lay out your conditions.

  12. veronica

    September 25, 2017 at 3:52 am

    hey, so my ex said he wanted space from the relationship and a break this semester, but to still email on a regular basis (we were semi-long distance and would email “letters” each once a week as a part of feeling close). At first I said yeah, but then after a few emails about what relationships/ love are i decided to ask him how he felt it all applied to us. he said that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship, not now how things are, and that he just doesn’t appreciate me in the same way he did. he wants to desire a relationship and not feel like he’s in one out of a sense of duty. we were together 6+months so that hurt. after talking on the phone and finding that he hadn’t moved towards giving me a better answer, as well as that he felt comfortable as friends and nothing more, I decided it might be time to break off contact. I told him that if he wasn’t sure whether he would want to commit to me, he couldn’t have me around while he decided because that wasn’t being fair to myself to let him do that. I told him i’d send him an email explaining more, and a few days later sent a short one with how I wanted only the best for him and I wanted him to have time and space to figure out what he wants, but that I needed to not be communicating right now. I said that i hope i’m still around if/when he changes his mind, but until then i know i need to be with someone who is all about being with me and sure about what they want. I also expressed initially that id be seeing other people. he’s brought it up since then to say “feel free to but I dont want to” but I just havent responded to that. he wants to still be in each others lives no matter what, but rn not as a couple. I basically said no more contact this semester, but with lots more niceties and just “this is what I need right now.” He still wants to meet up after christmas and see if things have changed. I get so nervous when i interact with him that i’m not myself. ugh.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 28, 2017 at 8:15 pm

      HI Veronica,
      how much are you improving yourself and how active are you in posting?

  13. Mikayla

    September 23, 2017 at 2:56 pm

    My Ex husband and i still together because I’m pregnant and due this early November. We fight a lot and I always ask for divorce. But when he gave it to me he started a relationship with someone. And they went out for a date only a few times because she lives so far away. They only text and call. My ex said he doesn’t love me anymore and want me to move on. But I just can’t. I love him and our kids so much. We have one boy and one girl and this baby is our third child. I always said to him I hate his girlfriend for not being sensitive as we haven’t filed out our divorce paper yet and she wants to have a polygamous marriage with my husband and me and won’t back off at all. Please help.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 24, 2017 at 7:48 pm

      HI Mikayla,

      so now, you’re not living together anymore? Did he start seeing the girl after he left or during your relationship? Check this one too:
      How To Get Your Ex Back When You Have A Child With Them

  14. Lina

    September 22, 2017 at 7:30 pm

    Hey there!
    My boyfriend broke up with me five days ago. We had our only ever major fight he week before. He was the kind to let issues pass and so I was always under the impression that we were going strong. Some of these issues included differences in views, and clingyness which I never really noticed about myself until he brought it up. He thinks I’m more emotionally dependent on him than I really am. I came off that way I guess. He wanted his own space. I talked about working to fix these issues as I myself don’t like the way I am and want to change but he has no faith in that people can improve. When we parted we spent one last day together which went really great and then after we parted I’ve been in no contact with him. I really want him back and know I should stay no contact. These have been the slowest five days of my life.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 27, 2017 at 8:15 pm

  15. Jaime

    September 17, 2017 at 7:13 pm

    Hey. I need some advice.
    I met my ex in magaluf, we spent everyday together, he flew back whilst i was there for another month. He wanted us to be together and live together the following year when we both went out again.
    Anyway, 5 days after i got back (he lives in wales and me england) he just disappeared. I went mad with worry of why he wasnt texting me back. Apparently his head was ‘fucked’ and left it at that, so after tons of messages i eventually gave up. Que, a few days later i ended up in a car crash and texted him, no reply till the next day (he had been on lads weekend away even though he said he could never get time off to come see me) as im still recovering. Anyway we spoke for 2 days and i caught him out on one of his posts about finding a girlfriend and hanging up his party boots which absolutely rattled me! He eventually told me that its cause of the distance. Even though i tried to end it previously because of the same reason and he held on, and didnt want us to break up!
    Might i add – he tells everyone he still misses me and hates being without me

    Anyway, after 7 unreplied texts i have finally started NC, 2 days in!
    Im trying to keep improving myself, and im still recovering from my car accident. But do i still have a chance of getting him back and how should i contact him after NC is over?
    Please help. Even after 3 months together i fell for him and by what our mutual friends say he fell for me hard. I just dont understand why hes being like this he knows i cant stand ignorance or ghosting.
    I have deleted and blocked him off all social media

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 20, 2017 at 11:00 am

      Hi Jamie,

      he ghosted you.. check this one:
      What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Ghosted You

  16. dree

    September 17, 2017 at 9:54 am

    Hi Chris! Thanks for your website, it sustained me through my past breakup (almost a year ago!)

    Background story: Ex (22M) left me (20F) when I was suicidal, severely depressed because he couldn’t handle the stress. Started dating another girl one week later.

    My current status: Happy with life, exercise alot, been really busy & meeting up with many friends. I’m completely healed from my depression, there have been people hitting on me… And while i’m 80% over him I still love him.

    We began NC immediately after the breakup. I broke no contact after going for 14 days, was drunk, reached out and asked to meet. Was on day 14 of my second NC attempt when he reached out to me asking if I was free to meet during the weekend. I ignored. He started posting on social media to agitate me (stories of his new girl, hickies, etc) when he’s not the type of person. i’d already hit the point where I didn’t care anymore, was just like meh.

    Thursday he texted again, “I’ll pop by to pick up my stuff during the weekend, ok? If you don’t wanna meet or reply you can pass to (mutual friend) thanks!” So i took that as a I-don’t-need-to-reply and ignored.

    Sat morning he texted my good friend C, asking her to get me to reply, claiming that it was urgent. She replied saying, yea, okay sure is everything alright? And he said “Ah yes everything’s fine, just wanted to meet up with her and talk, for closure”

    Just an hour later he texts my mom, telling her he needs his jacket urgently from me as he’s going overseas on holiday next week and needed it. Mom didn’t respond, as I didn’t want her to get involved.
    He started calling me repeatedly, which I refused to pick up. I texted him a few hours later saying “Sorry, I didn’t know you needed your jacket urgently. When do you need it by?” He refused to give me a proper answer, asked me what time i’d get home today. I’d be reaching home at around 2am, so I told him that, he suggested tomorrow instead. I had plans already so I asked when was his flight. He refused to give me a proper answer and just told me to pass it to (mutual friend). I said okay sure but isn’t it urgent? And he got really angry, saying yea sure it is, if not I wouldn’t spam call & text you.

    mutual friend is even busier than I am. Would definitely be much faster for him to just collect it from me. He was extremely hostile and got angry after i’d said that? I just ignored his messages after

    What should I do? 🙁 I’ve already gotten a mutual friend to return his clothes on my behalf.

    1. Dree

      September 21, 2017 at 12:03 pm

      Hey amor!

      This was around 2 weeks ago, so i’m actually on day 29 of NC? (I didn’t consider that breaking contact) b/c i couldn’t possibly have not replied after he’d told my mom it was urgent 🙁 & i didn’t talk to him about anything else except getting his stuff so yup?

      He is dating someone so I really don’t know why he had to do this. Should I make contact as planned originally? Also i’m worried that as of now it’s day 42 of the breakup & he’ll move on.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 26, 2017 at 7:40 pm

      Yes, you can continue the count and initiate contact..What matters more is if you continually improve yourself and if you can build rapport

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 20, 2017 at 10:42 am

      Hi Dree,

      when was all this? Obviously he just used that as an excuse to get you to reply and to get the upper hand back..

  17. K

    September 16, 2017 at 7:48 pm

    My ldr(we saw each other regularly and are in the same time zone)ex of 1.5 year is undergoing a lot of work stress and financial problems with his startup, he initially asked for a break but I pushed him to choose between trying to work it out or just break up right now, and he chose to break up but the next day texted me that he will come back when he is stronger and he is not looking for anyone else. Been NC for 26 days now, should I get all my things from his place since I am going to his city next week. Was it correct that i used NC in this situation?

    1. K

      September 16, 2017 at 7:53 pm

      I accepted the breakup and agreed with him, applied NC rightaway, he reached out a few times but I responded to two being short and close-ended

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 20, 2017 at 10:24 am

      Hi K,

      you can get your things if you want to after nc, and yes, you are right in doing nc right away. Are you actively improving yourself and posting in social media?

  18. danny

    September 15, 2017 at 7:34 pm

    hi there, can I make a suggestion to the website? Could you write posts about how a presumptive rebound girl can get her ex back? and how to deal with the fact that his previous ex is trying to win him back as well? I would appreciate a good insight on love triangles ☺ thanks!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 20, 2017 at 10:00 am

      Hi Danny,

      thank you for you suggestion! How about this one:
      EBR 034: Are YOU The Rebound For Your Ex Boyfriend?

  19. Regina

    September 15, 2017 at 1:15 pm

    Desperate situation. after months as friends my ex is moving away (we had a ldr but now is further, when we where together were 1 hour by train, now it will be 2 by plane). He have spending a few days in the new city this week, searching for an apartament and I think he is spending time with a girl he met online (I met her from twitter just like him), she is desperate for him and well, he is a guy…and what better for starting in a new city? Kinda rebound? Maybe. The thing is that she is there and I’m not and he hates LDR, so problem, big problem.
    We have agreed to meet before he moves, so this next week or the following. And before he went to the apartment search he told me that whatever it happens between us when we met (first time after he broke up with me), it doesn’t mean that it is the last of us, that we will always have the opportunity of having more.
    But now, after spending that days of happiness planning his new life and probably with a girl…I am afraid he changed his mind and doesn’t want to meet with me. I was planning to ask him for another chance (I have read your website and I have came up with the best way, including a plan for the LDR, distance would be only for a few months). But…compare being with me, his ex, in a LDR or being with a new girl there, without problems or distance. She shouldn’t be better than me: she seems to have no personality, no social life and no interests besides his: I know her a little since more than a year and she changed his tastes completely after starting to talk with him and she is now his “clone”. But she is there, in his new city, his favorite city. And this is an awful case of “greener grass”. I know I’m better, I know I can make him happy (I still did it a few times recently, without being with him) but I don’t lnow how to “sell” it to him and I have no time. I spend months building this and now…time is up. I’ve been working during these months and making improvements in me and in our relationship, at first he ignored me, I went NC, we got better…but with him moving away and starting a new life, maybe with a new girl…I ran out of time, even these days there with everything so perfect for him (is not the real life…just a few days chasing his dream of living in that city and obviously everything is wonderful, with that mindset it is impossible to make him miss me…)
    How can I ask him for another chance? And even if he told me several times that we will met before he moves (so before October), I am scared that he changedhis mind…how can I convince him? I nedd to see him in person, I need him to see me: is easier to say no without looking at the other person and he hasn’t seen me since before the break up… Anything I can do? I don’t have much time… And I have to do it now: is my last chance before he is out…and I need it, if he doesn’t want now, he’ll never want, with a new life there…

    1. Regina

      September 20, 2017 at 6:15 pm

      Thanks Amor, you are right. Sincerely? I do believe I am better than her and when time passes, he could regret being with her (if he is, which I don’t know for sure). Time his what I hacen’t. But…you are right. I hope having the chance of meeting in person before he moves. I will talk and…After that, well, these are my words, may they settle. If he gave me a chance, I would be happy, we could be. If not…That’s on him. And nothing more, I will try to keep going with my life She is kinda rebound and…well, I know that they couldn’t last, I know him and she is already pessimist, needy and clingy, my mistakes at the very end. If he is really with her and they broke up and if he regrets denying me, well, he may try. It may be late. It may be not. But I’m not doing anymore after the meeting / talk before he moves. My last move is that. And if it is our ending…well I will keep suffering but…nothing more can be done, so I will keep living my life, without him, but it is what it is

    2. Regina

      September 15, 2017 at 6:24 pm

      I know Amor but I have no time left. I was doing everything step by step, NC, building rapport, being friends…we were getting closer and as I told, he even said that whatever it happened when we see each other, it doesn’t mean it is the last, that we’ll always have a chance for having more… That was two days ago and less than a week ago he still was kinda flirting with me and promising that we’ll meet during the next two weeks but I am afraid he changed his mind if during this days he get involved with that girl (still, they were friends when he told me that and I know him, he wouldn’t say something like that if he was starting with another girl, but…maybe being there…as I told, she is crazy about him and he is a guy, she lives in the “right” city for him now…). I need to see him and above all, I need him to see me. And I wanted to aski him for another chance because…my time is up, he is moving and…
      But he is so happy with his new life that I don’t know how to convince him that it would be better for him having a LDR with me instead of being with a girl there. I am competing with someone who has built the perfect image of compatibilily for him (mostly fake, I know it) and lives in the correct plance, and with his new life.
      I was playing my cards slowly but sure and I was getting results, I think that if it weren’t for his moving, with a little more time… But I have no time and he hates LDR. But I know that we could work and this time I have a plan for the future, just 9 or 10 months of distance. But… What if he doesn’t want to meet? He promised but I am afraid… It wouldn’t be the same via text message, emotions can be ingnored in that way and I need him to feel, to experience me, for the first tie after the break up. I don’t know…

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 20, 2017 at 9:58 am

      she does have the advantage of being in the same place with him but the question is, are you the type of woman that would not chase a guy, has value that a guy would regret not having and knows this? When you invest in a guy, you have to invest equally. Don’t chase a guy because the more you chase, the more he will take you for granted and your value in his eyes lowers because you also convey that you don’t value yourself. It’s better to lose a guy than to lose yourself.

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 15, 2017 at 5:57 pm

      Hi Regina,

      Don’t be desperate..desperation is not attractive..It’s the opposite of being an ungettable girl..

  20. Aso

    September 12, 2017 at 7:40 pm

    My ex boyfriend and I were together for a little over 4 years. We broke up about 6 months ago. Before the breakup we were very very close and very much in love. After we broke up i suspected he went into a rebound relationship and i use to pursue him every other month or few weeks basically begging him to let us work things out. He was saying he is not ready for a relationship right now, so after I saw that he might be serious I went into no contact for a little over 45 days. I suspected that the rebound didnt work out (although i dont think that is relevant to what i am saying now, just thought it is worth mentioning). We recently started talking again I was the one who reach out, he is the stubborn type like u mention above. when we first started talking we would argue almost everyday and went over what happened why we broke up. after almost 3 weeks of fighting. I asked to see him. When we met I could tell that he was putting his guard up and being defensive, he was being awkward and so did I. I went into no contact for almost two days to see if he would reach out and he did reached out to me to check up on me. After that I started missing him again very much so i told him I wanted to see him, he was reluctant and i begged him and he showed up. When we saw each other his guard was not up this time and we spend the time cuddling watching tv and talking like old times and things felt normal again. We spoke the morning after and he confessed to me that he still loves me. We had another interaction after that and he was so happy to hear from me we were on the phone one for almost a hour talking and laughing like old times. Things feel normal again all the negative feelings is gone. Now I dont know what my next move should be. Should I go back into no contact now that he is thinking about me again and make him come around or slowly build rapport.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 14, 2017 at 9:12 pm

      Hi aso,

      Continue building rapport while having your own life