By Chris Seiter

Updated on June 10th, 2021

There is one thing most women tell me that they are ashamed of after a breakup, missing their ex. Usually this stems from have clear and good reasons to move on and leave him in the past, but sometimes it’s simply because they think that it means they should be stronger.
But there’s one thing I can tell you right now. Missing your ex does NOT make you weak. It makes you human. If you were able to move on without some difficulty you’d be erring on the side of being more robot than human.
Having emotions, facing them, and learning how to live with them is what makes you stronger.

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Reasons Women Have For Missing Their Ex

  1. The Split Was Recent –  Believe it or not, it takes a while to rein your emotions back in after a breakup. Your thoughts seem to have a mind of their own. Go figure.
  2. The Good Times – You can’t just will yourself to forget the times you two were happy together; sweet moments, funny moments, and the moments you spent building the connection you had. Having fond memories of someone you can’t be with is normal.
  3. Obsessing Over What Went Wrong – Again, this is something that EVERYONE does. Yet, all of them think that it makes them weak. In truth, figuring out the mistakes of the past is a way to ensure you don’t make them again. However, allowing these thought to rule your mind has a way of bringing you to a standstill in other areas of your life.
  4. You’re Thinking About Moving On – Thinking about the future inevitably will have you thinking about the past. And that is all well and good as long as you don’t think about it so much that you wstop thinking about the future.
  5. You Compare – Thinking about love, even looking at new prospects, will have you searching for ways they remind you of your ex’s better traits and trying to avoid the red flags you missed with you ex. It’s the reason people do better when they take a little time after a breakup or end up having a rebound relationship. It takes a while to stop carrying the memories of your ex up front in your memories. And, while that is totally understandable and normal, it is unfair to anyone you get involved with.
  6. Being Lonely –  Being suddenly single after being with someone for a while can be extremely isolating. Yeah sure, you can be absolutely surrounded by supportive friends and family. You can even go on dates and try to replace your ex. But sleeping alone or next to someone new isn’t quite the same as sleeping next to someone you are comfortable with. Not to mention, i’s difficult to be attracted to someone new when you are still hung up on someone.It leaves you feeling like you may never be attracted to anyone again. Luckily, that’s not true.
  7. Reminders –  I used to date a guy in college that would draw dry erase mustaches on our TV so the news anchors would end up looking like Walter Cronkite. To be honest, I did everything I could after we split to keep busy, but a few weeks into the breakup I had a friend over to watch a movie. I ended up in tears before the movie even started because of some stupid dry erase mustache. It amazing what can trigger memories.
  8. Love Doesn’t Fade, But Neither Does Anger – They are both powerful emotions. If you still feel strongly toward your ex, whether on a good note or a bad one, then it is likely that you are thinking about him quite a lot. As I’ve said, that is completely normal. However, you have to pay attention to your WAY of thinking. Are you sugar coating your memories and only remembering the good times? Are you stirring up your anger and only remembering the arguments, betrayals, and the other disappointments? Or are you being realistic? The truth is, if you are leaning one way or the other, you can’t be realistic. And if that’s the case then you are going to keep thinking about him and missing him.
  9. Expectations – This is the crux of most heartbreaks. Everyone has hopes for the future when they are with someone. When our expectations for the future with our exes are shattered, we are left mourning them for some time after. This leads us to question the breakup and dwell on the things we will miss that actually happened alongside the things we had only hoped would happen. It becomes a cycle and it is difficult to break.
  10. Feelings of Betrayal – I’ve talked to many women who found themselves free of a domineering and abusive relationship. Yet, they find themselves feeling as if they are still chained to their ex, unable to embrace being out from under their thumb. This is 100% normal, especially if it was a relationship that lasted a long time. Breaking someone’s hold over you is a tough maneuver. This is even more true if he was particularly talented at manipulating you and still convincing you that he cared about you. If you didn’t have some difficulty transitioning out of this kind of relationship, then I would be surprised.
  11. You Miss his Circle – Each person has their own network of connections made up of friends and family. Let’s say you were close to his sister or mom, and now, you didn’t just lose him, you feel like you lost them too. Sometimes, a person’s network turns out to be the one reason people have for staying with them. If it’s that important, you can rebuild their own connections to those people after you both have had time to get over each other, make peace, or get back together.
  12. Purple Polka Dotted Elephants – Don’t think about them. Do NOT think about purple polka dotted elephants. Don’t picture theme romping around, playing in the mud with their trunks and their huge flappy ears. It’s almost impossible isn’t it. Surely by now you’ve realized that the more you try not to think of your ex the more he pops into your thoughts.

Each one of these reasons for keeping your ex in your thoughts, or at least letting your thoughts wander in his general direction, is understandable. But, my guess is that you didn’t come here just to tell me that it’s normal and completely okay for you to miss your ex though.

So, I guess you have to decide what it is that you want.

Do You Want Him Back?

In moments of heightened emotion it is easy to say

“yes! I want him back more than anything!”


“No! I never want to see him again!”

But, letting these emotional outbursts drive you is a mistake.

I imagine you are quite stressed at the moment.

So, I want you to pay attention for the moment to something. breathe in through your nose…





Exhale through your mouth.

Do this again and clear your mind.





Out… Feel the weight slide off your shoulders.

Now, without diving headfirst into memories think about how you felt about your relationship overall.

Did you feel safe in your relationship?

Did you feel loved?

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Did you feel lost or unappreciated?

You see, I’ve been where you are right now.

Last year I was seeing someone who turned out to be not quite as good of a guy as I thought he was. And when it ended I was hurt and devastated. It weighed on me for several weeks. That is until I realized that the memories that were holding me back weren’t complete. I was remembering the good ones when I was feeling nostalgic and sad. And I was focusing on the unpleasant memories when I needed fuel to be angry. But never at the same time. So, they were incomplete because I was keeping them separate to fuel whatever I was feeling at the moment.

When I realized this I also realized I wasn’t being honest with myself by going about things this way.

So, I had make a decision. Would I continue to let my emotions rule me? Or would I be honest with myself and turn those fragments into whole ones and use them to move forward.

But, how do you do that though?

You see, when we make a connection with someone, it doesn’t just disappear because the relationship ends. IT only dissipates with time.

However, you can channel those emotions the memories stir up into something productive.

You see? Love is a resilient emotion. You cannot erase it or your memories. But you can channel it into getting him back if that is what you want.

If this is the case then I suggest you start with No Contact. You can access information about it in two ways.

You can click on this No Contact Principle, or you can read about it as part of the ExRecovery Program.

No Contact is the first step to getting your ex back. But ExBoyfriend Recovery Pro includes the entire gameplan.

Now, I know it sounds like I’m just trying to sell you something, but that’s not the case.

A lot of the sites out there that claim to help get your ex back or simply help get your mind right after a breakup offer similar programs, but none of the are like ExRecovery.


Well, we have HUNDREDS of articles dealing with almost every situation you can think of.

And if you happen to have one that we haven’t touched on yet, you can simply let us know about it and we’ll see what we can come up with.

AND on top of that, our entire team is here just waiting to help you figure out what you want to do and how to do it.


Because we’re nice like that… oh! And we actually want to help you not just sell you something.

HERE… check out some of the ladies’ stories that we’ve helped… ExBoyfriend Recovery Success Stories.

And if you still have some hesitation, just start on No Contact and see how you feel after. It’s not easy…

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…but it’s definitely worth it.

Here’s some of the No Contact Success stories.

Not to mention, once you realize that you are being driven by your emotions and you review the relationship in it’s entirety, you can identify patterns in behavior and choices that were made. And you can make adjustment so as not to make the same mistakes again.

And if you need some support along the way, we have the Private ExRecovery Facebook Page you get via The Ex Recovery Program.

Or Do You Want to Move Past It?

Believe it or not, the No Contact period isn’t just taking some time apart. It’s some time to be with yourself.

That’s sounds bananas right now, I know, since you are probably feeling a little alone. But, when you are with someone you start to rewrite who you are to make room for them in your life. When they are removed, you are left feeling as if part of you is missing. By following the steps we lay out for you during No Contact, then you will rewrite the parts of you that you set aside to make room for him.

Sometimes, you will find that the person you become is, better, stronger, and more capable than you had imagined. This is what we refer to as “The Ungettable Girl, but what most men call it is “out of his league” or “unattainable.”

At this point you will find yourself faced with a decision.

You could embrace the person you become or you could become smaller to allow him back in.

You’d be surprised how small he looks once you grow into who you can be….

…and you get to decide if he deserves you.

He did, after all, let you go.

So, start No Contact, become the Ungettable Girl and decide.

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12 thoughts on “7 Reasons It’s Okay to Miss Your Ex”

  1. Tilda

    December 25, 2018 at 11:35 pm

    My boyfriend broke up with me due to that “the real love feelings disappeared because of the distance relationship”. And unfortunately I kissed another guy during our relationship, I regretted it so hard and still do but he sort of forgave me. So probably that´s not the reason why he broke up but I still miss him a LOT and it´s been more than 3 months. I have contacted him a few times but he has´nt. What should I do?????

    1. Chris Seiter

      December 28, 2018 at 4:10 am

      Hi Tilda!

      Just keep moving forward with your life. You don’t have to forget him. There is always the possibility he may want to revisit. But don’t put your life on hold. Continue to grow your value and enjoy life’s beautiful moments.

  2. Maria Jose

    September 25, 2018 at 12:54 am

    Im still in love with him… I would give anything to have him back but how do I realistically decide if he deserves me or not?

    1. Chris Seiter

      September 25, 2018 at 3:13 am

      Hi Maria!

      What you deserve most is some fulfilling moments and to get that, make your focus on you. Once you are feeling right about yourself and more empowered and some time has passed, you will be better able to decide if you want him in your life.

  3. Isabella

    September 22, 2017 at 5:50 am

    I really miss my ex boyfriend, but he refuses to grow up to work together to fix our problems. He also had major problems with his ego which drives me crazy. He has too much pride also. When we broke up he told me oh don’t worry I’m sure you’ll find somebody, which pissed me off. How can somebody who loved me that much hurt me like that. I wish I could change him but I can’t. I just can’t stop thinking about him, and I still worry about him sometimes. I don’t know what to do.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 27, 2017 at 4:26 pm

  4. Ann

    September 21, 2017 at 6:54 am

    I’ve been blocked for oh most 45 days.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 26, 2017 at 7:32 pm

      That’s long..if it reaches two months, you need to move on..

  5. Question

    September 20, 2017 at 6:20 pm

    If a ex tells you at the end of a convo . “I’ll hit you later , I’m about to go run some errands ” . Is that a good sign . Or is it just like sotmhing just to say like a bye .. should you leave it at that and wait for them to contact you again since they said they would ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 25, 2017 at 9:39 pm

      That’s a good sign.. If he doesn’t initiate that day, you can initiate the next day or in what dat you intend to if youre5 following the tide theory

  6. Ann

    September 17, 2017 at 5:05 am

    How long does it normally take for an ex to unblock you? And after how long of remaining blocked should you just move on?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 20, 2017 at 10:32 am

      Hi Amy,

      it depends on why he blocked you.. why how long have you been blocked?