How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him.

I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

If you want your ex boyfriend to miss you (after your breakup) then you definitely came to the right place. You will find that my site, Ex Boyfriend Recovery is a lot different than the rest of my peers. I don’t write articles for the sake of writing articles. In fact, I would say that I don’t write articles at all.

I write in-depth guides that will help you accomplish a specific goal. In addition to that, I am extremely involved on this site. Me and my team respond to every comment personally and as long as your comment relates to the topic that my “in-depth guide” covers you should get a response within a day (unless it’s the weekend.)

Now, I know that’s a bit of a shocking statement to make especially when you consider the state of the “get your back niche” these days. I mean, just the other day I was doing research on a forum and I saw hundreds of women NOT getting answered. But I really feel that’s what makes Ex Boyfriend Recovery different from the rest.

We have a whole team dedicated to upholding our “motto,” if you will.

What’s our motto?

That everyone who comes to the site to read, watch, or comment should be helped and attended to.

Oh… how rude of me.

Perhaps I should introduce you to “The Ex Recovery Team.”

Now, throughout this article you may notice that a few of our team members chime in and offer little tidbits of advice on top of the advice that I am dishing out. Don’t be alarmed by that.

You are still learning from me, Chris Seiter, it’s just that I always think five heads are better than one.

But perhaps I shouldn’t get too touchy feely here. You are here for a reason after all and that reason is to make your ex boyfriend miss you.

So, since you are inquiring about how you can make your ex miss you this page is going to be focused solely on that. So, without further ado, I give you the method in which you should employ to make your ex miss you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1 - Will Making An Ex Boyfriend Miss You Help You Win Him Back?

You are here to learn about how to make an ex boyfriend miss you, right?

If you are then this makes me assume that ultimately you want your ex boyfriend back. After all, why else would you want to make him miss you?

(Well, I suppose getting revenge on him is an answer here but lets just assume that, that isn’t the reason you want to make him miss you.)

The thinking goes a little like this,

“If I make him miss me then eventually he will realize that he wants to be back in a relationship with me.”

So, lets do a little role playing here and assume that you end up taking the advice I teach on this page to heart and successfully make your ex boyfriend miss you.

Do you think he will come back?

Do you think making him miss you alone will be enough?

Unfortunately no…

Don’t get me wrong, you will absolutely have to make your ex miss you if you want any chance of winning him back but it isn’t going to be enough alone.

Think of it like a puzzle.

In order to get your ex boyfriend back you need to put the entire puzzle together,

puzzle

However, simply getting your ex boyfriend to miss you is essentially like trying to put a puzzle together with just one piece.

It’s impossible.

But that’s why you need a reference guide to teach you to put all the pieces together. So, The Ex Recovery Team and I have put together an entire book for doing just that.

It’s called,

Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO

Think of it like the ultimate step by step game plan for getting your ex back. It takes you through the process from start to finish. It gives you all the puzzle pieces and covers just about every situation you can think of.

Seriously…

Take a look at the situations we cover in PRO,

  • You Cheated
  • They Cheated
  • You Cheated On Each Other
  • Long Distance
  • Being Blocked
  • He/She Has A New Girlfriend/Boyfriend
  • If You Slept With Them
  • Engagement
  • If They Are In The Army
  • If You Have A Child Together
  • If You Have Been Friend Zoned
  • How To Get Them Back After A Long Time Apart (1 Yr +)
  • They Broke Up With You
  • You Broke Up With Them
  • If You Work With Them
  • If Your Ex Just Got Divorced
  • If You Just Got Divorced
  • Getting Your Husband/Wife Back
  • If You Think You Were The Rebound
  • If They Were On The Rebound
  • What To Do If They Are Married
  • What If There Is An Age Gap
  • If You Are Pregnant (Women Only)
  • What If Your Girlfriend Is Pregnant (Men Only)
  • On Again/Off Again

But you are probably getting bored of hearing me talk about Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO aren’t you? After all, you did come here to make your ex boyfriend back, right?

Well, then lets get right to it.

I give you the ultimate guide for making an ex boyfriend miss you.

Please enjoy it! Oh, and one thing we are really good about here on Ex Boyfriend Recovery is answering people’s questions. So, if you have any type of question about the process I am about to teach you feel free to ask us in the comments section of this article or you can ask Leia, our support rep at [email protected]

Lets dive in!

ExBoyfriend Recovery PRO

Get the Fairy Tale Feeling Back again with our Step-by-Step Guide to Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back

Learn More

2 - You Have A "Missing" Advantage Already

advantage

One of the things that I have always found fascinating when it comes to researching breakups is the scientific data that I come across. You see, I am one of those people who is low on faith.

Faith = Believing in something without seeing it.

And perhaps that’s a little strange for the profession that I have chosen since a lot of getting an ex back is all about believing in an outcome that hasn’t occurred yet.

Nevertheless, I think it would be wrong of me to try to teach you something without having proof it works which is why I find the scientific research done on breakups so fascinating.

So many insights can be derived from them.

Take The Brain Study As An Example…

Did you know that science has proven that after a breakup you experience the same type of feeling that a drug addict would feel if he/she was going through a withdrawal period?

In 2005, psychologist Art Aron, neurologist Lucy Brown, and anthropologist Helen Fisher all teamed up to do an interesting study on individuals who had just recently gone through a breakup.

They decided to have the individuals put a brain imaging tool on and then showed them pictures of their ex.

The scientists were trying to determine what was happening in the brain of the people who just went through the breakup.

The results were shocking.

The part of the brain that lit up was the same part of the brain that is commonly present in drug addicts who are going through withdrawal.

So, I guess it’s true what they say.

Love is a drug!

But one simple study probably isn’t enough to sway your opinion, huh?

Ok, lets dive in a little deeper and look at the interesting world of “Facebook Creeping”

The Facebook Creeper Statistic

GUILTY!

I have done this.

Hell, I think everyone does this after a breakup. It’s human nature to be curious about what your ex is up to post breakup. I remember in my circumstance with my most recent ex I would think to myself,

Screen Shot 2016-02-17 at 2.36.41 PM“I wonder if she is depressed… I bet she is. Let me look and find out.”

And ever since Facebook was invented it has become the ultimate tool for spying on on ex. Just ask Veronika Lukacs who conducted the study as part of her Media Studies Masters thesis, in which she looked at how many people have admitted to “Facebook Creeping” on an ex.

Now, if you don’t know what “Facebook Creeping” is it’s actually quite simple.

Facebook Creeping = Spying on an exes Facebook profile after a breakup to see what they are up to.

You won’t believe how many people admitted to creeping on their exes Facebook.

Nearly 90%!

(Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/28/nearly-90-percent-of-people-creep-facebook_n_1687424.html)

That’s incredible.

You realize what that means, right?

Well, it means that there is a nearly 90% chance that your ex boyfriend is going to come strolling by your Facebook profile assuming you are still friends there.

That’s amazing.

But again, I still feel this incredible need to provide you with overwhelming statistics before I specifically talk about the advantage you have.

The Overwhelming Statistics In Your Favor

pacman

Did you know that 71% of people claim that they think about their ex too much?

Now, does that necessarily mean that if your ex falls into the 71% category that he is going to be missing you?

No, remember, this statistic is basically just saying that 71% of people think about their exes too much. It doesn’t dive too deep into what he is thinking when he is missing you.

He could be thinking negative things…

He could be thinking positive things…

We just don’t know.

Nevertheless, thinking about an ex too much certainly is a start towards missing that ex.

But it gets even better, 60% of people who are married or dating say that their ex is on their mind too much. So, this basically tells us that even if you are married you may still think about your ex too much.

What are my thoughts on this statistic?

Well, I think the important distinction that has to be made is if they are thinking about their ex TOO MUCH or just a little bit. I think it’s human nature to have your mind wander to the past and think about an ex.

Hell, I am sure even my own wife has had this happen from time to time but it’s not like she can turn her mind off.

No one can.

But there is a definite difference between having your mind take a small trip down memory lane and thinking about an ex all day every day.

I would be curious to hear what people defined as thinking “too much”

Oh, and in case you are wondering where I got these statistics, the Yahoo Dating section!

Now I want to talk about your “Big Advantage”

The Big Advantage That You Have

I got pretty darn boring just now and threw out a bunch of statistics for you. The statistics were meant to prove one thing.

What The Statistics Prove = That even after a breakup, without you doing anything, your ex is thinking about you way too much

So, if your ex is thinking about you too much then you can ultimately use that to your advantage, right?

That’s your big advantage when it comes to making a man miss you. As a default, he is already thinking about you too much. So, that puts you in a pretty good place because many of you will find that it’s not going to take too much to get him to miss you.

Now, does that mean that it’s easy to make a man miss you?

Absolutely not.

There are a lot of factors involved.

But here is my vision.

Right now your ex, as a default, is thinking about you too much,

default

Now, imagine if you took an ex who was thinking about you too much and coupled it with a professional’s strategies,

My strategies

Making him miss you should be a piece of cake, right?

Well, there is still one more thing that I think we need to cover before I can give you the strategy you should implement and this is something that is going to be important for you to understand because it’s going to directly affect your chances for making him miss you.

The Number One Factor That Determines Whether He Misses You Or Not

Let’s role play.

Lets pretend that in your entire life you have only dated two men.

Man One – Was the great love of your life. He treated you like a queen, made you feel butterflies and as you were dating him you would often think to yourself, “I think he may be “The One.””

Man Two- You also loved Man Two but he did not treat you so well. Your entire relationship, while electric was full of fights. Man Two had a bad habit of putting you down and making you feel bad about yourself.

So, lets assume that you have broken up with both of these men.

Screen Shot 2016-02-17 at 2.42.07 PMWhich one do you think you are more likely to miss?

Man One, right?

Why?

Because he treated you like a queen and your overall relationship with him was better.

And that brings me to my ultimate point.

Without a doubt the number one factor that determines whether a man will miss you or not is always going to be your past relationship with him.

Now, I am not like those other relationship experts out there that will tell you what you want to hear 100% of the time.

If you had a horrible relationship with your ex your chances of having him miss you is going to be lower. That’s just the way it is. Of course, if you had a great relationship with him your chances will be higher.

So, it works both ways.

The Secret Advantage Of YOU Initiating The Breakup

secret

Ok, one more thing to talk about before we can start getting down to the actual strategy of making an ex boyfriend miss you.

Did you know that you have a “secret advantage” if you were actually the one to initiate the breakup with your ex?

This one is just pretty much common sense. As you know, there are usually three outcomes to a breakup.

1. He Can Break Up With You- Where your ex boyfriend actually is the one to initiate the break up.

2. You Can Break Up With Him- Where YOU actually are the one to initiate the break up with him.

3. You Both Mutually Agree To Break Up- This one is where you both break up mutually. No side strikes first.

I highlighted the “you can break up with him” choice because you will have a small advantage in making your ex miss you if you initiated the breakup.

We have already established above that you have an advantage in the fact that most people say that they still think about their ex too much but when you add in the fact that you initiated the breakup your advantage is going to be a little more distinct.

When I get to talking about the no contact rule (really soon) I am going to talk about psychological reactance.

But I suppose I can give you an early taste here since it is definitely going to apply.

Psychological reactance theory basically states that when you take away someones options to do something their attraction to gain their freedom to get that option back increases.

Think of it like this.

Lets say you are walking in the store with a toddler named Ricky (no idea why I picked that name but bear with me here.) Ricky tugs on your pants and points to a toy saying,

“I want that toy!”

You immediately say,

“No, you can’t have that toy.”

Well, now that, Ricky’s freedom to have that toy has been taken away what does he want more than anything?

The toy!

This is psychological reactance in a nutshell.

So, by breaking up with your ex you actually increase the chances that he will miss you because his freedom to have you has been taken away.

Pretty interesting, right?

Of course, there is one case where this might not work as well.

The ONE Case Where You Might Not Have This Advantage

If you broke up with your ex because he cheated on you.

Cheating is one of those topics that is difficult for everyone involved (including me an impartial third party.)

“Wait, why is it hard for you?”

Easy, it’s hard because I am the one that has to come up with the game plan for putting a “cheating couple” back together. Thus, I have to do a lot of research on the topic to determine the best way to proceed.

So, like I said above, you probably aren’t going to have this secret advantage if you broke up with your ex if he cheated on you.

Why?

Because clearly something went wrong with your relationship.

Generally speaking people don’t cheat on a whim.

It’s not like a guy wakes up one day and goes,

“ALRIGHTY! Today is the day I cheat on my girlfriend.”

It’s usually a slow process that takes place over months. And for a man to cheat on you generally means that the wasn’t fully satisfied with the relationship.

Now, does that mean that he never loved you if he cheated on you?

No, Esther Perel, has dedicated pretty much her whole life to studying infidelity and she has found that oftentimes men and women who cheat are still in love with their partner. They just want more excitement in their sex lives.

Now, take that whatever way you want.

I am going to take it as if there is a fundamental problem with your relationship because in my mind a man who is fully satisfied with his relationship will be excited and engaged in his sex life with his partner.

Nevertheless, if you broke up with your ex because he cheated then you aren’t going to have this small little advantage that I am talking about.

Now lets look at the other side of the coin.

The ONE Case Where You Will Absolutely Have The Secret Advantage

If you broke up with him and he didn’t want you to.

Above I established that the the secret advantage that I keep talking about heavily revolves around this idea of “psychological reactance.”

And to be honest I can’t think of situation that screams “taking a mans freedom to have you away” more than this one.

If you broke up with your ex boyfriend when he didn’t want you to break up with him then you have definitely left him with the impression that you are a very rare commodity.

It’s a bit of that law of scarcity.

You will find that the more scarce you are the more attractive you will be to men in general.

It’s the same way that diamonds are so attractive to women.

It’s the fact that they look pretty AND they are very rare.

I mean, something tells me that you wouldn’t find a diamond so attractive if you go buy it for a dollar at the dollar store.

Anyways, lets move on to the meat of this guide.

How to make a man miss you after a breakup!

3 - The "Make Him Miss You" Strategy

I want you to take a look at the graphic below,

strategy

Pretty straightforward, right?

“Umm Chris… no it’s not.”

Well, don’t worry. It will be because I am going to break it down for you.

The “BIG” strategy for making your ex boyfriend miss you is divided up into four different parts,

1. The No Contact Rule
2. Social Media Game
3. The “Frank Sinatra Effect”
4. Jealousy Tactics

Lets start from the top!

4 - PART ONE: The No Contact Rule

(For more in-depth information on the No Contact Rule and how to PROPERLY put it into practice please check out the No Contact Rule Book)

talk to me

Throughout this site you will find that the No Contact Rule is a pretty big theme.

Hell, I even wrote an entire book about it (The No Contact Rule Book.)

But why is it such a big theme?

Why do I talk about it so much?

Screen Shot 2016-02-17 at 2.49.58 PMWell that’s easy to answer. The no contact rule is without a doubt one of the most successful strategies for getting an ex back. A few weeks ago I compiled all of my recorded success stories to try to determine any correlations that I could find between what the people who had actually won their exes back were doing that the people who were failing weren’t.

Turns out the no contact rule was present in 74% of the successes.

But to be honest I think that number is actually a lot higher than that.

Why?

Because a portion of the success stories that I had recorded didn’t give me much information.

They just said something like,

“Thanks, I got my ex back.”

Not really deep enough for me to determine what that particular person did to succeed in getting their ex back, huh?

Don’t believe me?

Ok, here is a sample of one of the “thin” success stories that I got,

testimonial-9

 

 

So, if you were to ask my opinion on how many of the successes used the no contact rule I would put the number closer to 90%. Whatever the case, one thing is very clear.

The no contact rule is essential if you want to get your ex boyfriend back.

But how does it make him miss you?

Good question.

In order to answer that I think we first need to define the no contact rule.

The NC Rule (No Contact Rule) is a rule that states the following:

You are not allowed to call, text, email, Facebook or Google your ex for a specific period of time. If during that “period of time” you are contacted by your ex you are not allowed to respond. The no contact rule serves three main purposes. It gives both of you a “cool off period” to calm down from the breakup, it gives you the opportunity to improve yourself during the “cool off period” and it raises the chances that he will miss you.

Sounds simple, right?

WRONG!

The no contact rule is without a doubt the hardest strategy to complete on this site.

Hell, all you have to do is visit one of my “no contact rule” pages to see just how many women are struggling with it.

But you don’t care about that do you?

No, you care about the psychology behind why the no contact rule can make an ex boyfriend miss you, right?

Ok, lets tackle that right now.

Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder

I want you to ask me a question.

The question = Chris, what is the number one mistake you see people making after a breakup.

WOW, thanks for asking that amazing question 😉 .

Screen Shot 2016-02-17 at 3.18.52 PMThe number one mistake that I see people making after a breakup is begging. They beg for their exes back. The become GNATS and just stick around.

I mean, put yourself in your ex boyfriends shoes for a second assuming that you were bugging the hell out of him after a breakup with you.

Would you find it attractive if someone you didn’t have feelings for anymore was bugging you every five seconds trying to convince you to do something you didn’t want to do?

Something tells me you wouldn’t.

Now, how does this play into making an ex miss you?

Easy, a man cannot miss that which he sees every day.

One of my favorite movies of all time is “The Count of Monte Cristo.”

I know it’s kind of a weird choice when there are way more epic movies out there but for some reason “The Count of Monte Cristo.”

What can I say… I dig revenge stories.

Truthfully, I watch the movie at least once a year and you know what causes me to watch it?

Something reminds me of it and then I think to myself,

“Man, that movie was so good I miss the feeling that it gave me. Maybe I should watch it.”

But I only have that thought because I haven’t seen it in a long time. Lets say that I watched it every day for a year. I can tell you right now that at that point it wouldn’t be my favorite movie anymore. No, it would probably end up being my most hated movie. It would become stale and I would grow sick of it.

By not giving your ex a chance to miss you, via the no contact rule, you are shooting yourself in the foot.

Remember, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

The No Contact Rule Makes You More Attractive (I Can Prove It)

Have you ever heard of the notion that “people want what they can’t have?”

People want “that” which they feel should belong to them. By taking something away from them (e.g. you make yourself unavailable by not communicating), the person will be motivated to pursue.

In the world of psychology, it’s called “Psychological Reactance”. This concept emerged from the work of the American psychologist, Jack Brehm in 1966.
“Brehm argues that individuals have a set of “free behaviors” that they believe they can engage in at present or some time in the future. Behavioral freedoms vary in importance, with some being highly important because they deal with critical survival. Stephen Worchel (2004) suggested that these freedoms help define the individual’s self-identity. A threat or elimination of freedom results in an increase of attractiveness of the forbidden act and the motivation to engage in that behavior.” http://www.encyclopedia.com/doc/1G2-3045302191.html In really simple terms, when you implement the No Contact Strategy, it’s like you are secretly saying, “You can’t have me. You can’t talk to me. I am depriving you of your freedom to be with me”.

With psychological reactance in play, your Ex is secretly thinking, “I want what you say I can’t have. It should belong to me and is part of me, so I will pursue it”

Ah, and that leads the way to another little hypothesis that I have.

According to psychological reactance your ex is going to want what he can’t have. We have already established that. But lets take a trip to fantasy land (your favorite place in the world) and say that you successfully get your ex back.

I have this theory that the harder you make it for him to get you back the more he will appreciate you when he has you.

My buddies first car is an example.

I had a friend who wanted a car more than anything when he was 16 years old. So, he spent an entire summer mowing peoples yards to get money to buy this beat up chevy truck that kind of looked like this,

old beat up chevy truck

Pretty crappy, right?

Here’s the thing.

He treated that car so good and he loved it more than anything. Hell, even now he reminisces about it. But I doubt he would have treated it so well if it had just been gifted to him.

In fact, there was one time that I asked him flat out,

“Why do you like this truck so much?”

His response was simple…

“Because I had to work so hard to get it. Dude, you have no idea how hard it was to scrounge up the money to buy this thing.”

So, here is my theory when it comes to you and your ex.

The harder you make it for him to get you back the more he is going to appreciate you once he gets you back. After all, I doubt you are in this to get your ex back and break up again, right? No, you want a relationship that is going to last.

And the no contact rule can provide that difficulty for him to succeed in getting you back.

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him.

I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

5 - PART TWO: Social Media Game

(For more in-depth information on how to use social media to get your ex back check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

And now we move on to our second part of the strategy, social media,

strategy social media

Now, if you are confused as to what this is let me give you a quick history of social media.

Since the internet started… (No just kidding. I wouldn’t bore you to death with that.)

Look, here’s the deal.

Social media is an excellent way to make your ex miss you.

How?

Well, above I established that close to 90% of exes “creep” on Facebook. In other words, the probability that your ex boyfriend is going to peek at your profile at some point post breakup is high.

So, why not prepare for that moment?

Why not pimp out your profile to be everything that he finds attractive in a woman.

How To Make Your Social Media Profile Perfect

I want to tell you a funny story that happened to my wife yesterday.

So, if you don’t know my wife she is in charge of our YouTube channel and our marketing experts. In other words, if we want to get featured anywhere popular she is in charge of making that happen.

Well, one day she decided that we should be featured on “Ted Talks” so she started trying to network with some of the people over at “Ted Talks” and she managed to locate one of the person’s Facebook profiles.

So, rather than asking me to reach out directly she decided that since this person was a man it would be better if she reached out since she knows she is a very beautiful woman.

There was just one problem.

This was her Facebook profile picture,

profile picture

Now, I don’t know about you but that’s not going to make any man fall over himself. Well, except maybe me (that’s my daughter.) My wife, of course, knew this so she decided to change the picture to something really sexy like this,

ellas grove

That’s my wife in a model shoot for some clothing company named Ella’s Grove.

Anyways, what do you think happened to her after she changed her profile picture on Facebook from our child to a sexy looking picture of her.

All the men went wild (myself included.)

She was getting comments like,

comment 1

comment 2

comment 3

Ok, first off… what the fu*k?

Looks like I have to beat some people up.

COME SEBASTIAN!

We have some work to do!

sebastion

No I am just kidding…

Please don’t take that seriously.

Screen Shot 2016-02-17 at 2.57.49 PMThe point of telling you this story was to show you how powerful a picture can be. You can potentially make your ex boyfriend one of those men and show him what he is missing out on by posting strategic pictures on your social media profiles.

So, here is what I am going to do.

I am going to teach you my two best methods for catching a mans attention via social media.

1. The Profile Picture Change
2. The “Fun” Picture

Lets start with the profile picture change.

The Profile Picture Change

This is what my wife did and indirectly got all that attention from men.

Now, I am going to pick on myself a bit here.

Before I met my wife I heavily relied on good looks to attract attention. In other words, any picture I posted to Facebook looked like this,

not a good picture

Now, even though this picture isn’t bad it isn’t earth shatteringly amazing which is what I should be going for.

And then I met my wife….

The woman who forced me to get professional pictures done.

Like this,

professional pictures

Do you see the difference.

This is the kind of picture that I want you to be posting to your social media profile as your profile picture. Here is my general rule of thumb, any picture that makes you look like you belong in a magazine is definitely the one you should have as your profile picture.

So, I guess what I am saying is that you should hire a professional photographer to take your picture. Now, for those of you who don’t want to step outside the comfort zone and hire a photographer I have one piece of advice to you.

Often times it’s the things that make us step outside our comfort zone that yield the best results.

The “Fun” Picture

I have a question for you.

What do you think your ex boyfriend expecting you to do after the breakup?

He’s expecting you to mope around and be depressed.

Don’t believe me?

I remember an early breakup of mine where this is exactly what I thought.

“God I hope she is suffering.”

Pretty mean, right?

But when I would spy on her Facebook profile and see that she wasn’t depressed it would drive me nuts. I want this exact thing to unfold for you when your ex boyfriend snoops around your profile.

So, how can you accomplish this?

Easy, post pictures of yourself out having fun.

Here is a great example. Look at the picture below,

These girls like they are having fun. This is the kind of picture you want to post.

Because here is what he is going to think when he sees it,

“Wait, why is she out having fun? Why isn’t she sitting at home eating ice cream like I thought?”

Once you get him thinking that this thought is right around the corner,

“I’m kind of jealous…”

And as I am going to establish later in this guide jealousy can lead to a man missing you.

6 - PART THREE: The Frank Sinatra Effect

(For more in-depth information on The Frank Sinatra Effect check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

frank sinatra

One of my favorite quotes of all time comes from a man by the name of Frank Sinatra.

“The best revenge in life is massive success.”

Now, what does that have to do with making an ex boyfriend miss you?

Good question.

In order for me to answer it I first need to tell you a story. To me, teaching people to get back with their exes is my passion and in order for me to give people advice I need to understand the trends.

What works and what doesn’t work.

So, that’s why I am always keeping an eye on your comments and questions to me. But the one thing that warms my heart more than anything are the success stories!

Not just because I helped people get back together but I can learn so much from them.

Anyways, one trend that I began to notice with a lot of my success stories was the fact that the women who ended up succeeding were actually completely moved on from the break up and living successful lives.

It’s sort of like it was at this point that their ex finally woke up and saw their worth.

Hell, I even did an entire podcast about this phenomenon here.

Anyways, I kept seeing this phenomenon pop up again and again so when I did an audit of my success stories last month I learned that a lot of women who had actually completely moved on from their exes were able to get him back.

It sounds counter intuitive, right?

But maybe not.

Lets turn our attention back to psychological reactance.

By moving on from an ex boyfriend completely you are indirectly saying to him,

“You cannot have me. You have lost the freedom to have me.”

Which of course as you know, will only make him want you more.

And that’s where the Frank Sinatra effect comes into play.

I want you to “move on” without moving on if that makes any sense. I want you to live an incredible life outside of your relationship with your ex.

Here are a few of my best tips for doing this.

Specific Things You Can Do To Make Him Miss You During The Frank Sinatra Effect

In this section we are going to look at a number of things that you can specifically do to make him miss you while in the midst of the Frank Sinatra Effect. I absolutely love this because these are things that are in your control.

When it comes to getting your ex boyfriend back you have to accept the fact that there are a certain amount of factors that are completely out of your control. However, when it comes to making him miss you there are a lot of things you can do that will improve your chances. Buckle up because this may get long.

Tactic 1- Get In Shape

There is nothing that can catch a mans eye like a woman who has taken care of her body. Now, I am not saying that you are fat or out of shape. I am saying that this tactic (getting in shape) will be beneficial to you in not only making your ex boyfriend miss you but it will be beneficial in helping you with future relationships (if you have them.) How effective is this tactic? Let me tell you a story. There was a girl who had a crush on me in college. Like a fool, I didn’t do anything about it because like a typical guy I wanted the girls that I couldn’t get. Anyways, this girl had a very pretty face but I am not afraid to say that she was a little… chubby and for me it took away from her looks.

Pretty shallow I know…

Well, about a year and a half later I happened to run into her. Actually, I walked right past her because I didn’t recognize her. She had lost about 35lbs and looked amazing. In my absence this mediocre looking girl had turned into a beautiful goddess. Anyways, I was walking with my buddy when she yelled my name and we started talking. After we were done talking we went our separate ways and I remember my buddy going,

“Dude she is sooo HOT why did you let that one slip through your fingers?”

I explained that she didn’t look like that back when I knew her but now that I saw this new and improved version I wanted her immediately.

So, I did everything I could to try to go on a date with her which was relatively easy because she liked me (or so I thought.)

Anyways, we set up a relatively simple date to go on at a restaurant. The plan was that we were going to meet there and we would probably go for a walk after that. There was just one problem.

She never showed up.

During the day of the date I had reached out to her to ask if we were still on (BIG MISTAKE) and got no response…. the hours inched closer to kickoff and I still hadn’t heard from her. I was starting to get worried so like an insecure guy I reached out to her again,

“Hey, are we on for tonight?”

No response..

It was starting to become clear that I was going to get stood up if I went to the restaurant but I figured I would give it one more try.

“Are you there?”

Again no response…

She didn’t want to go on a date with me.

Ironic, huh?

Karma I guess!

Tactic 2- Repeat After Me: I Do Not Care About Him

This tactic is more of a mindset that you need to have. During your no contact period (which is when you should probably be in the Frank Sinatra mindset) make sure you don’t focus on your ex too much.

Just focus on the most important thing, you.

If you were to ask me what I thought one of the biggest mistakes that I see women engaging in are I would definitely have to say that becoming to obsessed with their ex is at the top of the list.

In order to truly “move on, without moving on” you can’t be too worried about what your ex is doing. You need to be worrying about what you are doing.

I haven’t talked a lot about this yet because maybe I am trying to save something for my book. but maybe I think it’s too good to leave out.

If you really want to make the most of the Frank Sinatra effect I am going to teach you an amazing strategy. Well, perhaps strategy isn’t the right word to explain this. No, I would say this is more of a philosophy.

I like to call it…

“The Holy Trinity”

(Oh, and this is not biblical at all I promise.)

You can divide the most important aspects of your life into three categories,

HWR

  1. Health
  2. Wealth
  3. Relationships

I don’t have to explain what is comprised of the categories, do I?

Well, I will tell you what, I am just going to leave my book for that.

Basically if you want to utilize the Frank Sinatra effect to the fullest I recommend that you try to maximize these three areas of your life.

You will notice that in the graphic above there is an intersection of the three.

The intersection where all three meet.

Hmm…

Perhaps it’s better if I pointed to it for you,

HWR copy

What you are trying to do here is find a perfect balance between your health, wealth and relationships. By doing so you will jump up in attractiveness to your ex.

Trust me when I say that the “missing thing” will fall into place if you do this. It is important to remember that the two of you broke up and while you may want him back you need to understand that rome was not built in a day and you won’t get him back in a day. So, sit back and work on the holy trinity for a while.

Tactic 3- Social Life

You have two choices when it comes to breaking up with your ex. You can either

A. Let the breakup own you.

or

B. Own the breakup.

I am a guy and let me tell you that I do not find it attractive when someone, who after a breakup, sits on the couch all day and eats ice cream. In fact, that is what I expect pretty much every girl to do after a breakup. About five years ago when I broke up with my girlfriend at the time the exact thought I had was “I bet she is sitting on the couch right now crying and eating ice cream.”

Here is the kicker though, a few days later when I logged on Facebook I found that she wasn’t quite as devastated as I thought. She had posted pictures of her having fun with friends and basically having a really fun social life. While I didn’t immediately think “man, I miss her” it set me up for thinking it. Her active social life made me realize what I was missing out on and made me a little jealous and angry that she wasn’t as devastated.

7 - PART FOUR: Jealousy Tactics

(For more in-depth information on how to use jealousy to get your ex boyfriend back check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

jealousy

A lot of experts will tell you to not try to make your ex jealous. I will admit that I don’t necessarily agree with them on that. If you have a chance to bring up some deep inner feelings within him then I say go for it. Of course, if you are going to use jealousy on your ex boyfriend it has to be done a specific way.

It probably won’t go over too well if he checks on your Facebook profile and sees you making out with three different guys. No, using jealousy is an art. It has to be done subtly but at the same time be obvious enough for him to pick up on it. Here are a few examples of how to properly use jealousy.

Example 1- Movie With A Male Friend

In this example I am going to show you a specific text message that is meant to make your ex a little jealous. Notice how in the example below you didn’t specify if your movie date was with a male or a female. You basically leave it up to your ex to assume if you went to see a romantic movie with a guy or a girl.

romantic movie text

Example 2- Did I See You?

This one is a little riskier but you are almost guaranteed to make your ex a little jealous which will hopefully contribute to him missing you. In this text message you are basically saying that you mistook him for a “hot guy” at a bar (or any other place you can think of.) Again, this one is risky but the reward is definitely higher.

jealousy (did I see you at)

If you want to learn more about what you can text your ex boyfriend I recommend checking out “The Texting Bible.

Signs That Your Ex Boyfriend Misses You

I actually wrote a guide on how to tell if your ex boyfriend is still in love with you already but I thought I would give a quick recap here. After all, it might be important to figure out the signs that your ex misses you so you can determine if what you are doing is working. Below I am just going to give you a bullet point list so you can quickly reference the signs.

  • If he texts you
  • If he calls you
  • If he shows up at places you frequent in a non stalker way (if it is stalker like then that is just creepy)
  • If he has positive reactions when you see him in person.
  • If he keeps in touch with your family.

If something on this page or website confuses you do not be afraid to comment in our comments section below. Remember, your comment, as long as it is legitimate, will be made live and I will respond to you personally.

What Do You Think? (4,916)

  1. Aparna - 0

    Aparna

    Hey , my boyfriend broke up with me amonth ago. The reasons are like he doesn’t have a career nor a job and we both are from different religion.So he says to think practically that its not gonna work out in future.We dated for almost 2 years.He does his fathers business now , so can’t assure a future with me it seems.Saying all this he wanted a breakup and it happened.At first I begged a lot but now we text like good friends.He still texts me normally(just like to a friend).But I need him back in my life.What should I do ? Please do help me.

    Reply
  2. Destiny - 0

    Destiny

    We got together in March 2015 and in July he had to leave for about 6 months and we stayed together throughout the time he was gone and he came back in December and said he needed space so we took a break for about 3 days and then he left a note outside my window saying how much he loved me and he was so sorry for questioning our relationship , then later on during Valentine’s Day I caught him flirting with an old friend on Instagram and while I was in school he went to her house to take her a snack and I still forgave him later on around April I caught him flirting with 2 of his coworkers and then let it go again then the next month a customer came in and gave him her number and he was trying to contact her I let all of this go and stayed with him last month something really big happened with his little sister and I was there for him and his entire family and I’ve always been like that when I don’t really like them they aren’t my favorite people but I was always there and always forgave and on Wednesday he texted me while he was at work saying he needed space and he didn’t know what he wanted anymore and I expect so much of him which isn’t true because everytime something important happened in my life he wasn’t there after all this I still want him back , or should I even try at this point please help .

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Destiny,

      You always forgave him and you always stayed.. Let’s say, try a different approach first before totally moving on.. Think of this as the last chance for you and him. Do 30 days no contact. Focus in improving yourself and follow what’s advised above.

  3. Candice - 0

    Candice

    Hi everyone, here’s a little story.
    I’m 23 and my ex boyfriend is 31. We’ve been in a relationship for one year and some. About 8 months I guess everything was so beautiful we almost couldn’t believe it was real but short after that we started to have arguments, most of them started by him, because of the most nonsensical reasons. Basically he tended to stat a dramatised “we don’t have a future” scenario from childish facts that wouldn’t take more than a minute discussion to set forth in a normal couple. We had two previous attempts to break up, all initiated by him, all based on the grounds that “I don’t care enough for him”. Well, that is not true because I love him with all my heart and he knew that and I always trief to fulfill his needs the best I could. Anyways, the first attempt of breaking up ended with him showing up at my place saying it was exaggerated and we should give relationship a second chance, and the second attempt ended up with a discussion which he ended up in tears (for the first time) saying that I’m the best thing that ever happened to him and he wants me back, bagging not to hurt him. I was crying too. We got back together and the moments after that were some of the most genuinely happy of our relationship, really. I never felt him happier and I was as happy as him too. Well, after a month and some since then (a few days ago), we had an argument because of a reason as childish as before. After a day or two when he gave me the cold shoulder, he hit the roof in a conversation thru text messages and tells me he’s done because the classic “lack of care” of mine. The day after, I took my things from his place, I asked him if this is really what he wants to do, he nodded yes and I left. We had no contact since then. It is pretty devastating, but quite comforting too, because I can’t live in such instability. I would want things to be beautiful again, when he was’t so temperamental and did’t make me look like the bad guy everything happens. Is the NC bound to make him realise what he truly feels and wants, should I start it, or should I move on regardlessly?

    Reply
    • Candice - 0

      Candice

      Another question would be how exactly should I break the silence after the NC period because if he will contact me in the meantime and I won’t answer he will eventually freak out and conclude he hates me. For example, when I was at work and not answer to a text for an hour because I had an unexpected meeting, he freaked out sending me a lot of angry messages in which he acused me for intentionally not looking at the phone as flirted around with my colleagues (of course, not true). So I assume that if a go thru the NC, immediately after I would say anything I would get the “WHAT THE HECK DID YOU DO ALL THIS TIME? YOU WERE NOT THERE WHEN I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!” How can I avoid such scenario and all the justification?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Candice,

      Address it first before doing nc, just don’t mention the no contact rule. Like saying, thank you for everything. I realized you’re right. We need space from each other and I especially need it. So, I won’t be replying nor texting for some time to help myself. I know you will understand. I’ll reconnect once I’m ready. Take care.

      and then do nc..
      There’s not guarantee that it will make him change his mind but it can increase the chances. He might even try to be angry when you don’t reply but stay strong. You can break nc if he says he wants you back. I think it would be better if you check the articles about that and the other article for a first contact message.
      EBR 046: Can You Ever Break The No Contact Rule?
      EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message

    • Annie - 0

      Annie

      I’ve been dating this guy for four months, it was all going great until the past few weeks. I’ve been a little bit needy as I got laid off work and ive been little bit down. His work is going great he started up a business two years ago and is very busy with it, travelling the world a lot. I know I’ve been on his case a lot recently to see me and when I stayed with him last week and I bought him a customised basketball jersey of his favourite team as a surprise but he thought it was too much and set off alarm bells. He messaged me the next day saying he wanted to stop dating as its getting too much for him with all the love (he said I love you first) the gift and me wanting to see him/leaving my overnight bag at his apartment. I called him after and I was really cool on the phone, we were even laughing about things- then we came to an agreement to maybe go back to just seeing each other like in the beginning. I’ve not contacted him since then and he hasn’t contacted me but he’s been on a work trip to New York for 3 days in between. It’s been 8 days since the call. What do I do?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Annie,

      it was too fast for him.. Do you want to try no contact? And follow what’s advised above too?

  4. eman - 0

    eman

    hi, I broke up with my bf since 5 days now actually today is the 6th day and I ddnt find anything from him I’m blocked everywhere and whenever I can reach him he blocks me everywhere and I got him a apology flower he actually rejected it and I really miss him I don’t think he’ll come back so I need your answer back please?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Eman,

      why did you break up? How old are you both and how long were you together? And stop begging or chasing him now..

    • eman - 0

      eman

      I’m 20 years old and he’s 20 too! 9 months together on December we’ll complete 1 year together.. now almost 7 days he didn’t talk to me what should I do?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Ok.. He blocked you and not reaching out to you, so the better option is to do 30 days no contact. Why did you break up with him?

    • Annie - 0

      Annie

      That was exactly what he said it went too fast… I’m on day 8 of no contact… Do you think I have a chance of turning it around?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Yeah, I think so.. Just don’t rush it after nc.. And be proactive in improving yourself..And check this out too:
      The Ungettable Girl

    • eman - 0

      eman

      sure i won’t talk to him 30 days and i’ll wait.. he said he’ll pick up his sister he late reply me and 3 hours he didn’t text me and then i snap chatted story and he got angry cause i ddnt take care of him then he blocked me everywhere.. what should i do more?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      he said you didn’t take care of him when he was the one who was not replying?
      Focus in improving yourself… check this one so you’ll have an idea on what to do during no contact:
      EBR 060: “Dating Yourself” During No Contact With Veronica Grant

  5. Vivi - 0

    Vivi

    Hi, Amor. I posted here a couple of weeks ago and I wanted to follow up. Since the break up had happened, I’ve been working a lot on self improvement like you stated. I’ve managed to make a few acquaintances through my classes at my University. Ironically, they bonded with me through the explanation of my break up. But I haven’t posted anything online to show I’ve changed as a person. Anyone looking at my profiles would think that I’ve disappeared completely because I’ve been so inactive. It’s been 2 months since the break up took place. That’s more than 30 days and counting. My Ex is still in the relationship with his friend he left me for. I forgot to mention she doesn’t live anywhere near him. And, there’s also an age difference of 7 years between the two of them. You had told me that my situation felt like a “grass is greener” case, and I can understand why you would come to that conclusion. My Ex and I never had a chance to meet in person because neither of us had the means to save up money to be able to do that in the years we had been together. You and Chris help offer advice to people so they can get back with their Exes after a break up, but does it matter how much time goes by? I’ve seen some others online say that it doesn’t matter if years pass, because you and your Ex have a past together. It makes it easier to re-connect. And I think I remember Chris mentioning in one of his other articles on here that relationships either “work out or they don’t”. There’s no way to go around it. If I focus on my studies and let the relationship between him and his friend run its course, do I have a better chance if I come back to him years later? I don’t see how I could make an attempt right now when he’s so focused on her. I miss him and I don’t want to wait that long, but I can be realistic about situations, too. Is there any other advice you can give me?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Vivi,

      yes, it does matter. Like in his case, if he’s still in the honeymoon period, then he probably won’t be that attentive to you because he would be protective with his relationship

    • Vivi - 0

      Vivi

      I don’t want to rush into anything, but what can I do at this point? He’s done a lot for this new girl in the last few months and that’s one of the reasons why it looks as serious as it does. I know he’s making it a point to show how much better off he is with her, but a part of me can’t help but think he’s he still feels “something” if he has to go to such extremes to show how happy he is. It’s the point where you feel your partner can “do no wrong”, right? It feels like he’s using jealousy tactics, too. How long does the Honeymoon period usually last in a new relationship?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      It differs from person to person but you can check this one to know more about it and assess your situation:
      How To Know If Your Ex Boyfriend Is In A Rebound Relationship. How Long Will It Last?
      The best you can do is to really just keep improving yourself and don’t be too forward when you talk to him. Don’t go overboard in making him jealous when you do.. Just be as natural as you can.

  6. Ashley - 0

    Ashley

    Hi! I was together with this guy for 4 months. We started off really strong, he kept telling me that he was afraid he would mess our relationship up and that i was too good for him and he showered me in compliments and love and i did the same to him. However, 2 months in the relationship i noticed a change. He started acting more distant, which made me anxious. I have depression and anxiety issues, so i explained to him very clearly how he could deal with those. I really wanted him to understand, but everytime i would explain myself he would get extremely defensive and say that there was nothing wrong and i was just making things up. We had a couple of small arguments and eventually he asked for a break. We promised we would work on ourselves during the break and he assured me he wasnt gonna leave me and break up with me. Well.. 3 weeks later, he asks me out for dinner and drinks and i figured he was ready to work on our relationship again.. wrong. He broke up with me, after taking me out for dinner. He said he had no feelings for me anymore, but he kept stressing that he really wanted to share his life with me still. He kept telling me he really wanted to hang out a lot and that he wanted to be my friend and that he still thinks i am the most hilarious person he’s ever met, that i am amazing and wonderful and beautiful and that we have an amazing click. I just cried a lot. He stayed with me til i felt better, which meant he missed multiple buses home, and he kept telling me how much he cared about me.. he told me he would call me the next day to check up on me, but when i tried to talk to him via text, he didnt reply at all.
    Im getting very mixed signals! I started the no contact period 8 days ago and i already KNOW he is too stubborn and proud to contact me. What do i do? And after the no contact period, what do i say to strike up conversation again?

    Reply
  7. Olivia - 0

    Olivia

    I really need some advice. My boyfriend and I were together for 2 years. We broke up sometimes but it was never more then an hour before we would be back together. This time however we didn’t get back together. It’s been three weeks and I’m starting to worry that he’ll never come back. We got into a big fight on a saturday night and I menitoned leaving. He told me to sleep on it and calm down and we’d talk in the morning. Well the next morning he decided we should just be friends. I was heart broken. I’ve reached out to him twice since and both times he says its just for the best we be friend, but I can’t help but feel our love was to strong to just be over like this. I have no idea what to do.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Olivia,

      even though you haven’t spoken for days, you didn’t start improving and healing too. So, try that by starting the count of no contact.. I think you should do 30 days.

  8. Sara - 0

    Sara

    Okay so I accidentally had a petty conversation with him last night, after asking him to pick up his stuff this week. He said he’s miserable, broken and didn’t know he’d feel like this when he broke up with me. A week ago. But he also already asked this girl on a date and she’s way hotter than me so that’s what hurts the most. He said he broke up because he didn’t see a future with me, we didn’t want the same things out of life, but if he’d said that while we were together, we could’ve worked on it. So I said that and he flat out said we weren’t getting back together. An hour after we kept talking about our feelings, I eventually just stopped responding because we were clearly both needing a break from talking and he just kept responding. We were together 10 months and he hasn’t moved on but he already asked a girl on a date. What do I do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      You said you accidentally talked to him, So I’m going to assume you broke no contact.. Do you want to restart it?

  9. Morisette - 0

    Morisette

    Hi,
    I nid an advice, my ex and i went into relationship last aug 2015, i broke up with him last september 2015, because i found out that he is still in a relationship with his ex gf- the morher of his second son. When we started our ralationship he confess regading his 2 son and 2 ex gf, gf i say because they are not married, he told me that he already committed to his children but not married, then i told him, its ok with me as long as your reponsibility should be to your son’s only not to their mother’s, then he agree, he show me his ex gf’s including his son’s, then my feelings for him get stronger because i found his secret coming fromhis own mouth and that makes me fall for him even more, i felt he love me the same way as he say after how many years of being single he didn’t imagine he will feel the feeling that he had for me again, she feels like he went back being a teenage. After 3 week of in a relationship he went home to his home town for vacation he told me he nid to fix something, after how many days he get cold, i dont know if he really get cold or im just getting paranoid because he in their hometown together with his exes, then i stalk the fb account oh her exes i add them both and send message but only replied, then i chat with her acting that i am a fren of my bf until i found out that my bf is still in a relationship with her, i told my bf regarding that matter, im angry ofcourse an he explain and get an excuses and some other reason he told me isnt it i already explain to you that i am commited then i said u told me u r committed to your children but not to their mother the he said they dont accept that i broke up with them anymore and i need to treat them well because if not they will not going to show my son to me, then i dont still listen to him, i feel lile he still lying and i still choose to break up with him,he even get angry to me actually because of what happen his ex didnt show his son to him, after several months of no talking he approach me but during that tym im in a new relationship already, then he told me he missed me and we talk about what happen to us, we become goodfriends until time he borrowed money from me then my bf caught me that im still chatting with my ex but that time my bf dont know that he is my ex he just feel not comfortable seeing that im chatting with him,therefore i stop my communication with him, after many months i need money and i wanted to approach my ex to get the money i lend him, i message him secretly because my bf might angry if he knew it, then he told me actually long time ago i want to approach u to give back the money that i borrowed then i told him exactly i nid it now , then he told me he missed me so much, and ask me when will be my vacation i told him it is on may and he told me exactly bacause that month also is his vacation, he wanted to see me in person though we chat in some mobile app ang see each other there, then i know what u want, then add i cant im getting married, even though we will see each other and there will something happen to us i will still choose my bf now, then he said i just wanted to see u then i agree, then tym come he fetch me at the airport and we went to a hotel i nid to stay there for 1 night before taking a plane again for my next destination then he is with me the whole night, due to long range of flight i got tired and slept when i woke up at the same day he wanted to have intercourse with me but then i told him i cant, but my feeling is screamming i love him so much, then i said if you have barrier then we can do it i just dont want to get pregnant, then we go out and buy at the same time we walk beside the seaside near mall, talking each other reagarding works when we went back to hotel, we ate our dinner and rest the we had intercourse, after that we had a long conversation, and he is trying to discourage me in getting married, and we talk alot regarding oir relationship, after that i feel i still fall inlove with him a day after tommorrow he send mt o airport before he go he kiss me on the lips and with no word he go back to hotel… After that i call him he told me msg me when the plane will go now, seem like he is crying but im not sure, a day after i msg him, ask him how is he, he told me, no string attached only, and he told me yo forget him, it really hurt me so much because by that time i talk to my fiance to and i retreated from getting married…. I know what he said is just an indirect saying that he dont have feelings anymore and what happen is just lust, after how many days i beg to him but he didnt reponse to any of my msg i told him how much inlove him and for the last tym if he really dont love me anymore i want to hear it from you telling me that you dont love me that you dont have feelings anymore then i will stop, still he dont have response, and now i have 1 week no contact with him, i love him so much, and i wanted to get him back. What should i do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Morisette,

      I think you should do 45 days.. use it to clear your mind, and improve yourself.. set your ex bf and ex fiance aside for the mean time and just focus in yourself first..after 45 days, decide if you still want to initiate contact and continue improving yourself whether you talk to him again or not

  10. Polly - 0

    Polly

    My boyfriend broke up with me 10 weeks ago after close to 3 yrs together. Until 2 weeks ago it was going well: he was expressing that he’d had regrets, initiating contact including meeting up (which we did 3 weeks ago and it went well). After the first meeting he initiated another meeting (which didn’t happen due to circumstances). The same evening he texts me and says that this woman who I’ve had suspicions he might have had feelings for is coming to stay with him for two days (there is only one place to sleep in the flat so I can only assume they’ll be sharing it) and he needs my set of keys so that she can come and go as she wishes. I completely lose my cool and reply: cool. perhaps this would be a good time for me to collect my remaining things and could he tell me when they would be out so I can collect it and then put the keys through the door (I only took the things I needed during the breakup as it was too much to move at once). He first resists me getting my stuff but later says he’ll pack them and bring them to me at the weekend. The next morning he both skypes and texts me saying that that woman no longer is staying with him and he doesn’t need the keys. Later he tries to call (I don’t take it because I’m not in a place where I can talk) and finally he texts that he’s sorry about all of it and that he’ll now be away at the weekend so if I really want to pack up and move everything out I can do so. At that point I’d started to realise that I’ve probably got the wrong end of the stick and I back down and say that I’m sorry too and perhaps we should just do this together some time (because that’s what we’d initally said) and wish him a nice weekend away. He doesn’t respond to this. The next day I see something that reminds me of him so I text him (I guess I was trying to let him know I wasn’t still upset) and he replies the following day. I don’t respond to his text as it, while it’s friendly, doesn’t necessarily invite more conversation. That’s the last I heard from him and it’s now been 10 days. During NC he was trying to get my attention so him not contacting me is new. Obviously, I made a huge mistake losing my cool and I’m not sure if I should keep waiting to hear from him or if I should get in touch?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Polly

      you said during nc, when did you do nc,n

  11. Lilo - 0

    Lilo

    Hi
    I was in love with a guy i took for granded for 8 months. We were engaged after 3 months in the relationship and in the month 4 he tried to break up with me but i told him we went through so many problems and he cant break up with me just because of small thing , he changed his mind and we come back together happily again. The month seven was the month that we supose to almost merried but because of his stress from his job so many problem and i didnt understand that so i force him to quit his job and take care of the wedding and prepare to buy a house. He get so stressful that he start to treat me not as before. I asked him what happen why he cool down when we almost getting married and he just told me he dont know what is wrong with him and that he still love me but he need the space to figure it out. I agreed and I thought it should be easy but after 2 days i couldnt stand l being alone and confuse and text him i want to stop not talking like this and force him to talk to me. But more i foced him more he become distance in every worlds he say to just stopped replying me. Not replying me made me feel not respected and disapointed that i did something bad i broke up with him and he Agreed right away even though fee days ago he told me he will never break up with me. I was crying i was dying inside. After that i was begging him to come back telling him i was mistaken make a book of what we did how we were happy how he wanted to marry me. He came back but he told me he still want the space . I told him ok i will give u a space but i want u to tell me a goodnight and i love u everyday. Just that way i will feel safe that he still love me and he is still around me and i didnt lost him and he will not forget about me during a space. Everything would be ok if that was enough for me. I felt it was not enough i break that space by stopping by his work and buying him food or try to text him and calling him. I did that and he felt more and more force and Less and less loving me. I hurted myself more and more and in the end that day i was depressed with my coworker and i was so stressful and what i can think about of was just him and share about it with him so i was crying and telling him but he still act that he cares just because he had to not because he wanted to so i could feel it and i told him i dont want to see him he disapointed me leave me alone. 2 days after that i recover
    Myself and texted him im sorry and i feel better now. But he asked me if i already move on ? I was suprise why should i move on. He told me that since i already deleted all his pics on social media propably i already move on. I told him i deleted when i was mad and because i dont want to see it i will cry again if i see it. Then he told me he dont love me anymore and i should wake up and find someone else he dont want to marry . Then i called him and we were talking about 30 mins about that. I make him change his mind again. We decided to give each other space for real and i will holding myself no contact no text at all we will text if he want to text me. I told him to not being shy and i will be in reach if he need to but dont say break up. Take time but dont say break up. I dont know if this is the right thing I supose to do or not. What should i do next how can i make him love me again. Im so frustrated right now i feel like he is my drug and i will feel feeded if i see him or if i can talk to him . I love him so much. Please help me

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lilo,

      start by being more independent and stop on trying to change his mind.. It makes him feel you’re contradicting his decision and that’s what’s annoying him.. The more you chase, the more he wants to run away..

  12. Sara - 0

    Sara

    Is it a good sign if he talks to my brother to ask how I’m doing? He broke up with me and he’s asked me how I am in person and text but also with my brother. Plus, my brother said he looked genuinely worried and concerned about how I was

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sara,

      yes, it’s a good sign!

    • Sara - 0

      Sara

      Okay so I accidentally had a petty conversation with him last night, after asking him to pick up his stuff this week. He said he’s miserable, broken and didn’t know he’d feel like this when he broke up with me. A week ago. But he also already asked this girl on a date and she’s way hotter than me so that’s what hurts the most. He said he broke up because he didn’t see a future with me, we didn’t want the same things out of life, but if he’d said that while we were together, we could’ve worked on it. So I said that and he flat out said we weren’t getting back together. An hour after we kept talking about our feelings, I eventually just stopped responding because we were clearly both needing a break from talking and he just kept responding. We were together 10 months and he hasn’t moved on but he already asked a girl on a date. What do I do?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      You said you accidentally talked to him, So I’m going to assume you broke no contact.. Do you want to restart it?

  13. so confused - 0

    so confused

    Hi
    I was with my ex 2 years consectutively 2 years off now three years, 2 of them straight through. This past year we went through some issues possibly dealing w substance abuse and depression, leading to fights that occasionally ended in a “breakup” resolved a week later. This summer we bickered more so over caddy reasons also in “breakups” resolved a week later. They were all done on my part and the last one of the summer was the worst of all. Two weeks later we talked left it as we love eachother and wont see anybody else and work on our relationship while taking time apart. Needless to say I found a week later he met somebody on a dating app and jumped head first into “dating” her. When we talked about it he said enough to leave me hope but also said enough to make me cry. I will add when we were good this past year we were the best we have ever been, talking about marriage, living together, and how much we love eachother. He voluntarily told two of my friends he wanted to marry me…I can’t leave out the fact that when we talked last he freaked out about marriage and me being his only ever gf. I havent spoken to him in a couple weeks and I know that he is “happy” with this girl….but are all of those feelings really just stopping for him and being put into her? He is a very emotional person who was never one to jump from girl to girl….is this a committment freakout or is it really over?

    Reply
  14. Lori - 0

    Lori

    Hi! I’m back again lol. This time last year, I had just broken up with my ex, who had cheated on me. I got him back with help from the site and Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO, but I don’t want him anymore (because he cheated on me). Fast forward to this year… I got into a new relationship with a guy, who was having a child with another woman. The baby had come out of a one night stand. The baby was born yesterday and he promptly dumped me, saying that he was going to stay single for a while, because he didn’t want anything to distract him from his child and told me not to contact him, because he’s busy. But he didn’t block my number and he didn’t block me on Snapchat. I understand that he wants to be a good dad and I think that it’s admirable, but I want him back! I wonder how long it might be before he is ready to date again? I’ve already started No Contact and I’m scanning over Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO, but I wanted to know if any of you on the EBR team have any extra tips and tricks that I might find helpful. Thank you so much!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lori,

      If he contacts you again, when he misses you, don’t jump right in. Take it slow.

  15. Stitches - 0

    Stitches

    Hi! This site is helping me so much but I just need a solid plan on what to do for my situation. Me and my ex boyfriend have been dating for 3 months but we’ve known each other for 4. We dated over the summer and we were constantly talking or seeing each other almost everyday. We’ve had no fights or any arguments. We both genuinely loved spending time together and talking to each other. Then things started to get tricky because we’re both still in school, he works with a full time job, and I have a part time job. Then we also have our own lives thrown into the mix. Basically we’ve been trying to spend time together at least once a week for 3 weeks now and talking to each other when we weren’t busy. Then suddenly he texted me “I think we need to talk about this”. Possibly the most dreadful thing I’ve heard because I knew what was coming. The day after he texted me that we meet up and I already knew why he was breaking up with me. We didn’t have time for each other like we used to. He said he wanted to take a break for now and eventually we might or might not get back together, but he just can’t have a relationship right now because he needs to focus on school and it wouldn’t be fair for me if he couldn’t spend time with me. He says we could still be friends and hang out as friends whenever we can. We also established that our feelings haven’t changed for each other because we had no problems in the relationship. So the feelings were still there in the relationship, we just didn’t have the time. This all happened 2 days ago by the way. So my question is: How would I go about getting back together with him once our schedules clear up? During this point and the possible time we get back together, what steps do I take to ensure he’ll miss me and get back together with me for our particular situation?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Stitches,

      just spend more time once your schedule clears up and while it hasn’t dony let go of yourself.. if you can squeeze in improving yourself do it

  16. One tired woman - 0

    One tired woman

    I am a little hesitant to post on here, but here it goes. About 14 months ago I meant my ex. We started things off slowly, just having fun and really getting to know each other. He seemed super excited to find someone like me. About 5 months beforehand, his previous relationship ended. His ex fiancé cheated on him, ultimately left him for someone else. (To this day he won’t admit that she left him for someone else, he is denial, he thinks it was just a one time hook up) Anyways, the games started pretty quickly. I look back now and realize I should have seen the signs, but at first I just thought he was a little guarded and it was kind of cute. I knew he’d be scared, hesistant, and I knew it would take time for him to trust me. This was not a problem, I’m a woman of patience and have no problem waiting for the right man to learn to trust again. What I didn’t know, was just how far someone would go, to avoid getting close. I didn’t know how much someone was willing to let fear make all of their choices, and that he was willing to do whatever it takes, hurt me over and over, to protect his own feelings from ever potentially getting hurt. I think he’s a good man, honestly I don’t know anymore. Maybe he’s just playing the victim. Every time we would get close, he’d disappear. Over the last year we have had a couple breaks, and in those short breaks he would talk to another girl for like a week or 2. I was always devestated. But he’d always get bored, realize he was self sabotaging and come back begging for a chance. A couple months ago he finally officially asked me to be exclusive, to be his girlfriend. It was everything I ever hoped for. And it lasted one week. A girl who was into him the previous year, was texting him and I was not comfortable with it. He told me I was overreacting and being ridiculous. I told him because of the girls in the past, I wouldn’t put up with this, and he lost my trust and needed to earn it back and this was not helping. Out of my own fear now, I ended things dramatically because he would do nothing to eliminate this other girl from his life. A few days later I started begging him to meet me and talk this out. I explained why I acted that way, and that I felt he should have done more to make me feel secure because of the times before that other girls have come between us. I begged for weeks for him to talk to me, to see me. I told him I didn’t want another break, and that if he went off and did something destructive again like hook up with this girl, that we simply couldn’t survive it. That we would never come back from it. During these couple weeks, he would text me long paragraphs in the middle of the night about how much I hurt him by breaking up with him right when he’s comfortable and ready to be in a relationship again, he would snap me pictures of little trinkets I left in his house. But he would never just have a back and forth conversation. I asked him one more time to meet me, and if he chose not to, I was going to move on. He didn’t show up. That was about 2 and half weeks after the break up. A few days later he would snapchat me. He would snap me a picture almost daily. About a month after the break up, you could tell he was clearly trying to get my attention. I would snap him back occasionally but nothing back and forth. A few days later he finally started texting me telling me that he missed me and he would like to talk. He admitted he ended up messing around with that same girl I was worried about after we broke up. I lost it. Yet we still continued to talk daily for the last couple weeks. Mostly just him apologizing and begging and me calling him out on all his lies and games. Finally last week, I agreed to meet him. He apologized to me in person, said he was sorry that he hurt me so much out of fear, and that he wishes he could take it all back. I kept my stance and kept telling him he ruined any chance for us because I will never trust him again. Because I’m an emotional wreck, he ended up sleeping over and we slept together. It was amazing, like always, our connection has always been indesicrable. The next day, he flirted with me through text a little. But that’s about it. I would randomly tell him how much he hurt me and he would apologize. It’s been a few days since we hooked up, I’ve heard from him less since we hooked up, than before we did. He’s not begging for a chance. He’s not fighting for me. I can admit that I never said I’d give him one, but it’s because I deserve to be fought for. I don’t wanna have to tell him how to get me back, I need to see the effort. He knows I want him to fight for me. I thought he would ask to see me again. I got really upset with him the other night because we were talking about us and he just ghosted me. He parties with his friends all night and just ignored me. And I keep thinking to myself, shouldn’t he be focusing on us right now if he really wanted this?? Why Am I not the center of his universe?? I just agreed to meet him and talk, and slept with him after everything he’s put me through! He should be doing backflips for this chance. We haven’t talked much since. It’s been 4 days since we met up. He hasn’t talked much about his feelings I lashed into him yesterday because he was asking me why I never respond to him but whenever I do, he ignores me. It’s game after game. And of course, after I send that long text he ignores me for 6 hours and says he left his phone at home. I felt like it was just another game and so I didn’t reply. He texted me again in the middle of the night saying he really did leave his phone at home, and that he has feelings for me he just doesn’t know how to show it…..my head hurts. Are these just games? Am I just a security blanket? Or does this emotionally messed up man actually care about me but can’t just accept it and act on it accordingly? I don’t know what to do.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi One tired woman,

      you need to set your expectation and convey your standards clearly.. If the only thing you want is for him to stop talking to other girls and feel you’re important to him, say it. And then don’t sleep with him if you’re not together yet. If he’s not making the effort after you clearly said what you want, then that means you have to pull away.. We can’t control other people. That’s why we need to know what are non negotiables are, because in that way, we will know if the current person is right.

    • Liv - 0

      Liv

      Oh my goodness I swear we are talking about the same ex!! Are you in Canada too?

    • Almost broken - 0

      Almost broken

      Oh gosh this is scarily similar to my story. The constant mind games, him claiming fear for being nice to me for a few days, then pulling away and acting cold. This went on for 9 months.

      I literally broke it off with him yesterday… told him I don’t like the way he treats me. Would never take me on a proper date. No effort to be there for me when I needed just reassurance and emotional support, yet I was always there for him. He was so cold for the past 3 weeks I just couldn’t bear it anymore.

      Problem is we work together… worse, we sit next to each other!! At least I’m on holiday for a week so gives me a breather…

      I hope things work out for you x

  17. P - 0

    P

    I’m glad I came across this website. I broke up with my boyfriend about a week ago. This isn’t our first break up. It’s a cycle. We’re into each other one moment, fighting the next, broken up, back together and all over again. He used to tell me that he wanted to marry me. I’d met his mother and I was friends (still am) with his brother. We’ve known each other for over 4years but we’ve been dating for 2yrs on and off. I just felt he was insensitive sometimes but my major issue with him was that I’m a God-fearing person and I take my faith seriously even though I’m not perfect, he’s a Christian too but we don’t share values on the same level. He smokes and I don’t like it but I pu up with it. I encouraged him to dump the habit but He didn’t and after a series of breakups I decided to be more understanding and open minded and when we got back, he was really good and sweet, better than past times but when he gets angry he gives me the silent treatment and can end up using vulgar words on me so I felt disrespected many times. I love him, I really do. We saw eachother yesterday and I was so nervous but he didn’t speak to me. I broke up this time cause it was just too much for me, he refused to talk to me and kept saying the problem was with him, that he needed to fix himself, the day before I broke up, when the issues started again, I had a panic attack and I kept calling and texting him to just talk to me and help me calm down cause I was alone but he refused. I was so hurt. He was furious when we broke up. There was a lot of name calling and stuff, I think the trust and respect we had for eachother been hurt but I’m really hoping there’s a chance for us again. I just want a drama free relationship but I know certain things have to change. Is there a chance? Can I get him back and will he change?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi P,

      You cant force somebody to change..If you dont like him smoking, ask him not to do it around you but dont try to force him to stop it… that’s his choice.. are you going to do no contact rule?

    • P - 0

      P

      Yes, I’m doing the no contact rule. I haven’t tried to contact him since we broke up and he hasn’t come around either. I’m just focusing on myself right now and it’s funny how the thought of him doesn’t cross my mind so much any longer. Maybe it’s better that way cause with the way things are, I’m not sure we have a chance right now.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      That’s good. Keep improving yourself even after doing nc.. and do new things! Make new friends 🙂

  18. Natalie - 0

    Natalie

    Hi

    I posed here yesterday but the post is not here now. I really need advice.

    My ex and I dated for about two months. We both got very serious quickly. He would call me all day, and we would go out on dates on weekends. He told me a few times that he really likes me a lot, is falling very badly with each passing day and cannot do without me.

    Then in the last twenty days he has stopped things started getting sour. We started arguing on small things. Maybe I started expecting from him but he couldn’t fulfill my expectations and thats why the fights. So in one of the arguments he got irritated and told me that he needs to figure this out because he doesnt think he will be able to keep me happy. I told him that all couples fight and we will get over this phase.

    A week after, we were fighting on some issue and he again told me that he will never be able to keep me happy. He doesnt have it in him. He has never done anything for his past girlfriends. He also said that what I expect out of him is very normal and girl would expect the same, but he can still not do it. He has never been this serious in a relationship before and he cant deal with it. He doesnt want to be in a relationship anymore. I told him lets take things slow but he didnt agree and broke up with me.

    Two days after that he sent me a text saying that I am the best girl he has ever met, he likes me a lot but liking is not everything to sustain a relationship. That day, I really begged him to take me back, told him that we wll figure it all out, asked him to meet me once but he neither did he take me back nor did he meet me.

    The next day, I started the No Contact. 5 days into the no contact he called me twice but I didnt answer. When I didnt answer, he sent me a text after a few hours saying that he was working out, phone was in his pocket and dialed my number by mistake. I didnt reply.

    Dp you see any hope here? I really want him back because the chemistry in initial few weeks was amazing. I know it for a fact that he really liked me and I was also falling for him. Will the No contact help? What should I do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Natalie,

      Although we can’t guarantee that it will work, I think it can still help increase your chances. DO 21 days, and use to improve yourself and then after that, slowly rebuild rapport with him again.

  19. mika - 0

    mika

    Hi,

    My ex is suffering from quarterlife crisis and suddenly fell out of love. We had 3 great years and I don’t know, he said he wants to feel the love he once had for me but he just can’t and he’s frustrated with that. I decided to break up and he halfheartedly agreed because he says he doesn’t want to lose me but he’s not in love anymore. It’s been 2 weeks since the BU and even if he texted me the day after our BU I haven’t contacted him until now. I want him back. 🙁 How?

    Reply
  20. Rae - 0

    Rae

    I am day 5 of no contact and my ex texted me saying idk why you’re ignoring me ? Do I just ignore that and keep him guessing

    Reply
  21. Hanging in there - 0

    Hanging in there

    Hello,
    I was with my ex for almost 2,5 years. He is from the other side of the world and we met doing work together in Canada. He followed me to my country for 4 months followed by being apart for 3 months then Reuniting in Japan being togehter for 6 months then being apart again for 4 months then reuniting again for 8 months (we were doing LDR when being apart). Since we both love to travel I bought him a 3 months backpacking trip and we had a really good time if you asked me. But at the end of the trip when we knew we were going to be apart again he then asked me if we could go on a break and see other people whilst being apart (he is 21 and I’m 24) He said that he felt he had some things he wanted to experience before setteling with me and he also said that the distance between us was bothering him and he felt he couldn’t live his life when we weren’t together because he would think about me having a bad time back home without him and that he felt guilty. I told him no to the break because I simply couldn’t understand why he wanted to see other girls and I felt threatened (at this time in our relationship I had gaint some weight and probably didn’t care to much about how I looked in front of him (would say I was a bit to comfortable) anyways I convinced him that we would be fine and I agreed to only skype him once a week when he was away so he could keep his mind off me. We then went back home to my country and then he had to leave only 2 days to see his sister in England followed by going home to visit family before he went off to the country where he is working. it went alright the first few weeks but as soon as he left his family and took the flight to his work I didn’t hear from him in a few days, then I messaged him asking him how it was going, and he just replied with “its fine, gotta go” and then I got angry and suggested we should go on that break (only because I thought it would scare him) but to my surprise he said “yes we could try that” then I got more angry and convinced him to skype me and then he tried to break up with me and i convinced him yet again that we could make it work. but then I lied in the famous foster position for 2 days feeling crap because i didn’t want to be in a relationship that was forced. I got his sister to call him and ask what was going on since i felt he wasn’t telling me the truth. but he told her that I was the one he wanted to marry someday. after hearing that I got the confidence to tell him that I needed his love too and that I didn’t want to be in a relationship like this, then he said sorry and agreed that he would show me love. The next day he send me a cute love song “there won’t ever be another girl like you”, but after that i didn’t hear from him again for a few days, I then messaged him again asking what was going on and he told me that he would skype me soon. When we then skyped he broke up for good I could see it that this time there was nothing I could do.. I was of course heartbroken (still am) and started the whole begging thing because i didn’t know better. To my surprise it was working a little bit, he skyped me and said that he missed me too and he was really happy that I was whilling to change and bla bla bla he actually kept me hoping for two weeks and even showed me of to one of his friends whereafter he told me that he just wanted to show him how good looking his ex was.. anyways I suggested to meet him at the top of the Eiffeltower in November if we both still had feelings and he agreed and told he would probable buy the tickets straight away. But then we came in an argument because I kept being needy and couldn’t stop messaging him. then he blocked me on facebook and I just had enough. 5 days later he then unblocked me and messaged me that he was sorry and that he just needed some time not seeing me and asked me how I was. I didn’t answer that night but woke up the next day with a ridicolus hangover and was very angry at him for messaging me since I was trying to move on and finally had a good day untill he messaged me. So stupid enough I answered the message with rage and hate in a long message to him I regretted it instantly but found out that you can’t delete messages from Facebook so the only choice i had for him not to read it was to become his friend and ask him to delete it. which is what happened then I tried to be his friend for a few days but when I told him about my anxiety he just said that he didn’t want to talk about that stuff because it made him in a bad mood.. So I decided that he couldn’t be my friend and then I e-mailed him one last E-mail saying that I deserved better and that I didn’t think the way he did all of this was okay, and that I couldn’t be friends with the person he was now. then I blocked him on facebook, snapchat and unfollowed him on insta and spotify. He replied to my e-mail saying that he completely understood my last e-mail and that he wished me luck on my next adventure. I had told him that my grandma had got her cancer back and he wrote that he was sorry and that he had messaged her wishing her the best, he also needed some bank details which he asked for (I send those to his mother so I didn’t have to reply the mail) then he mentioned what a great time he was having and that life was great and he ended the E-mail with wishing me a good life that I deserve. I went into no contact of course and have been in no contact for 32 days now without hearing anything from him. I have lost tons of weight and put up heaps of hot photos on instagram I have changed a lot in a good way and I myself believe to a point that I have a good chance of winning him back (he doesn’t follow me on insta but I know he can still see what I post and since thats now the only place he can stalk me I would assume thats what he does) He normally doesn’t post a lot on insta but a couple of days ago a few days after I posted hot photos he then for the first time after our backpacking trip posted a video of him doing awesome at work. anyways I have decided to do 45 days of no contact since I was very needy and begging. Tomorrow I will go to London with my friends and have an epic time and get some of our mutual friends to post heaps of good photos on facebook that he can see. I might also move to london in october and i know he will be there shotly in November so hoping that he might want to meet up then after I break the no contact rule with rembering message for him… how does this sound???? Is this even a solid plan ?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Hanging in there,

      yes, that’s a good plan.. The only reminder for you is that, don’t rush it after nc.. build rapport first before meeting up.. But other than that, keep being amazing! 🙂

  22. Nafi - 0

    Nafi

    I had been 8 months in a relationship with a guy from another country.2 months ago he invited me and i met him in his country i was there 5 days but because of his job we could be together 3 days.It was our first meeting.
    When i got my visa he said it is early that you want to see me and i said YOU told me and he said nothing and said sure ,i want to see you soon …When we met ,the last day,he said its a pity we werent together more days and he said dont forget to be keep in touch with me.
    When i came back to my country,i thought im going to prepare myself to live with him at least for knowing each other more then when i told him he said i know you 5% lets keep on talking then i started crying and i said:you wont know me from the far ,i have to come there.
    Then he said :let me tell you something,i didnt have special feeling in bed.then i told him so
    you want a b***h besides your d*** is small but since i love you it is not big deal.
    He got upset and i appologized and begged him to forgive me.He told me it is better we should be just as a friend till he forget what i said to him.then till one month everyday i started talking with him and he replied me very short.Once again i mentioned him to live with him and he said he doesnt interested being with me cause he still suffering from what i said. I asked a friend to put an audio for me and i forwarded for him to make him jealous then he said ok,goodbye be happy in your life.
    Then i told him i adore when you get jealous so you still love me.He is just a friend and know about you and you can ask him.He doesnt reply.The day after i told him if he can help me cause i had problem with my laptop …No response then i said im going to travel and need my laptop and he said he cant help me.
    Now its been 10 days that he and i havent sent any msg to each other.After 4 weeks of no contact,how should i start ? if he replies me in the first day ,then should i start talking to him the next day?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Nafi,

      You’re going to fast for him. He doesn’t want you to live with him, because it’s too soon to live in together. And then saying those things and making him jealous is just toxic. It’s immature. If you are going to do a no contact rule, that means you need to work out on being independent first.. He has to sees that you have your own life and that you’re not going to push with living together again. So, whatever you start during no contact, you have to continue doing it even while talking to him.

  23. Toni - 0

    Toni

    I was with a man for almost 5 months. In that time frame we got along extremely well. We spent every weekend together and at least one night a week together. He was very level headed. We were able to think alike almost all of the time. We had agreed that we would be committed to each other but not marry. The last day that he spoke to me he held me in his arms and said that he was planning to change my last name and that our marriage would be at the justice of the peace. This did take me by surprise because we had clearly made no agreements on even marrying. I had grown to love him and given more time I would of agreed to marry him. He was under a great deal of stress. His hours at work had been cut. He was scrambling to recover a $900+ a week loss in pay. He had commented that he needed time away to figure out how he was going to pay all of his bills. He didn’t want my family to be drug down by his financial problems. He was also dealing with his daughters not being well cared for by their mother. Her friends had reported her to dhs. He was unsure how to deal with that issue. He planned a trip to go visit his daughters which live in another state. Told me he would be in contact but he wasn’t sure how much until he came back. Gave me a hug and kiss and left. Never to return messages or calls from me. That was 2 weeks ago 3 if you count the week spent with his daughters. I did message him the morning he was leaving I told him hope he had a safe drive enjoy his time with his family. Please let me know he made it safe. I also messaged the day he was to return. I got no response to either. I at this point was emotional. I wrote a message asking why he wasn’t responding, that he has almost every trait I could want in a man. I however am not ok with the sudden lack of communication. I would like to know what could possibly be going on. What do you think? Is he just trying to fix his personal issues and plans to return, or was something wrong that he walked away and isn’t coming back? I love him and would like to have him back. What are the chances of him coming back? Should I wait or walk. i have been going out with friends and kept busy. It still hasn’t helped with the pain of loosing a man that complimented my life on all levels. I have not been in contact at all for 2 weeks. He hasn’t spoken to me in 3 weeks. Thanks!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Toni,
      So, you broke up on the day that he left? I think he wants to just focus in his life right now because he has a lot to fix. So, he had to let go of you because his hands are already full

  24. Wlm - 0

    Wlm

    My ex broke up with me 2 days ago, after 3 perfect months together. He aproached me in may, after he searched for me for 5 months, since he saw me in the university(he told me he fell in love with me since the first time he saw me). He was 2 cm shorter than me, but i never cared about that. He always said he loves me, he always said that i am gorgeous and perfect. We did not have sex yet, but we planned it on the 1st of october(because i am a virgin). He always treated me perfect. 3 days before the breakup, we went for the first time out with his friends, because he wanted me to know thembefore he left back in his country. When we were with his friends, in the first twi hours, he treated me great, after that, he started being cold, and started avoiding me(he talked more to his friends than with me and he didn’t hold hands with me) And when he got back home(only for 3 weeks, because he is not from the same country) he started being cold. He didn’t write to me if he got back safe, as he always did, and after 2 days, he told me that we need to break up. All of the sudden. I asked him for an explaination, and he said that he was not atractted by me on the exterior…he said that we are not good for each other on the exterior… but he was the perfect guy ever. Will we have any chance? I am 20. He is 22.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Wlm,

      Is it really that, or things were just going too fast for him?

    • Wlm - 0

      Wlm

      In fact now he wants me back…but he said he wants me to get dressed more feminin and he wants me to loose wait…and also, for the moment he doesn’t want to tell anyone we are back together… i don’t know what to say…. i mean i really love him, for real, but the reasons he broke up with me are pretty stupid… and i don’t know if he really loved/loves me, or it is something else… please, help me…

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yeah, and the conditions he asks are pretty shallow too..think about very carefully first before getting back with him in those conditions

  25. Suhey - 0

    Suhey

    Hey, I need help. I was with my boyfriend for almost two years and everything was great. He is an amazing guy and he has treated me like one else has ever. I believe I have done the same for him. We were best friends. He didn’t have much friends. I was rally his bestest friend. And he was mine. We are each other’s first love and even lost our virginity to each other. We are 19 and were already talking about our future together. Like any couple, we would argue from time to time. Even though we are In love some arguments almost led to break ups. A month ago, I went out to a fast food place with another guy in the middle of the night and the guy kissed me. I had no idea that he was going to do so but I felt guilty and told my boyfriend about it. It was very hard for me to tell him but I did so because I did not want to hide it from him. He was very very upset especially because the guy who kissed me was a guy who works out at the same gym as him. And the gym where I work at! I still work there now. He fought the guy and broke up with me and told me he could never forgive me for it. He feels betrayed because never expected me to do that to him. I begged him to forgive me and have cried a lot. I still do from time to time because I’m really hurt. He said he can only see me like a friend for now and that only time can tell. He really loves me but sometimes he is bipolar about the situation. One day he will want me to go over and watch a movie and the next he will be upset and not want to text me for hours. Last week I went over to his house and we were talking, he told me he was going to try to fix things with me and we had sex. But now things are back to how they were at the begining, just friends because he can’t get over the problem. I know it takes time. I really regret getting in that car and going out to the fast food place with the guy. But I’m scared that he will slowly fall out of love with me. He can’t get it through his head and he always keeps asking “why! Why would you do that to me?” and I really don’t have an answer to it. I just know I regret and I’m very sorry I wish I could take it back. I don’t feel like eating, talking to anyone, or going out. He has been going out with friends and even told me he drove a girl to Starbucks. He admitted that the girl was no where near like me and that he does love me but that he doesn’t know if he can get passed this. I’m always thinking about him and hoping he can forgive me one day. I feel like his pride is holding him back. He says he doesn’t believe in love anymore. And that he will never love anyone like he’s loved me. I’m also scared that right now he is “trying” to fix things and then one day tell me he really can’t forgive me for this. We talk on the phone, text and see each other whenever he wants to hang out. but it’s not the same at all. I don’t know what to do. I’m scared and heartbroken. Do I still have a second chance with him ? How long can it take for him to forgive me? Or is he never going to?

    Reply
  26. Qwa - 0

    Qwa

    Hi guys! I recently found your website in time of need. My boyfriend and I were together for 3,5 years. When we first met we were friends for a period of 3 years and then, in the final year of college we started dating. In my opinion we had it going more than great – similar interests, similar sense of humor, great sex, etc. We have had some arguments, but nothing serious. In March after another argument he said that he had doubts about wether or not he wants us to countinue being togehter. After a long talk he decided that it was worth it. And then, now, again after a fight he decided to end things. I tried to explain to him that me are rarely good togheter and that we could work out whatever problems there might be. He didn’t want to. His reasons were that after an uncertain poitn in time our relationship became a “habit” and his feelings have faded and he had no bad feelings for me. I have decided to leave him in peice for a certain amount of time, even before reading your articles. My only concern is that we have many common friends and there is a great chance of meeting him at a party or something. Please advise how should I act in such situations and what are the cnances of getting back together in your oppinion. Also, is ti possible for your book to be delivered in every country in the world?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Qwa,

      the book will be in pdf form, so it wont be problem as long as you have internet to download it. I think you have a chance, he just got tired of the arguments. So when you see him at a party, just be civil and dont bring up the relationship

  27. Sad - 0

    Sad

    Hi! Me and my boyfriend of 8 months broke up a couple of nights ago, it’s a tricky situation because he doesn’t want any rules and wants to be with other girls at the moment but stil with me? At first I cried and begged for him back but he just said no, then I sent a message saying he was right and I could do better without him and he told me he still loved me and would leave his new girlfriend for me if I am willing to fix things with him. About 2 weeks ago I moved to Australia and he stayed in New Zealand (the plan was I would get a job and a place and he would move over to live with me). But he changed his mind and wanted to stay where he was. And this is the real reason he left me I think. My family doesn’t like him but I can’t see my future without him, he’s hanging out with another girl but is telling me he’ll leave her for me? I’m so confused, please help

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Sad,

      Actually it’s not tricky.. He just knows you love him so much that you would agree with him having another girl in his life. I’m not sure if he knows that unconsciously or consciously but for sure, deep down, he knows he can ask that of you, that’s why he did it.
      It’s a matter of standards. What would you allow? And you have to be strong even if it hurts because the right guy will not do that to you.

      If I were you, I would walk away but I think, there’s a chance here. You just have to be strong to your values. I can’t assure you that he will be faithful but it’s a battle of will.

      He will hold out his other girl as long as he can see that you’re sticking to him, so do no contact.. You have to convey, that’s not in your character to be treated this way. Do 30 days and in this 30 days, if he says, he’s going to leave the other girl, don’t believe it. Unless, he says he already left the other girl for you and he really stick to that decision after a few more days of ignoring him, then you can break nc and talk…

      But maintain the new routine you started during nc even after it.. Have your own life..

  28. R - 0

    R

    Me n my ex brkup aftr 2mnths of releationship..though he hv alrdy a long dstnc gf (fiance).is there any chnce he missed me or wanna cmbck in my life..n what r d bbest possbl way to mk him realised that he done wrong with me.

    Reply
  29. Shannon - 0

    Shannon

    I need help! I’ve been with my guy for a little over four years. I was going to go to law school this year and decided to wait another year. A few months ago he said he didn’t see a future with me, but we continued to hangout at least twice a week and text daily. He was my best friend. I spent the nite with him last Friday (we didn’t have sex) I left for work Saturday and I get online he took another girl to the football game then lied about who she was. The next day he told me he didn’t want to hurt me, but he was prob going to start seeing her. I’m heartbroken. He was my best friend. I have met his family and all of his friends are my friends. Two years ago we did take a break and I dated another guy for a few months. It made me go back to this guy and appreciate what we had a little more. I’m hoping that’s all he needs. In the meantime I’m working on me (mentally and physically) I think we both took our relationship just granited. Is this a cases where he thinks the grass is greener? So I need to just give him time? Or is he really done?

    Reply
  30. Brianna - 0

    Brianna

    HI ! I’m 19 years old and my ex boyfriend is 18. I’m his first girlfriend he lost his virginity to me ! recently i had moved down to Florida for college and he was soon to follow to go to college out here 2 months later. when i moved i made a problem of communication because in long distance relationships (although id be seeing him in two months) communication is key.. well long story short me making arguments about communication became a really bad continuation of problems. I recently went down to visit him at his college to spend some time with him since i had a break from school but things went the opposite way then they were suppose to. I told him I was worried that his roommates would influence him to cheat on me or influence him to want to have sex with a lot of girls. He then continued to say he would always be faithful to me but as the conversation went on he said he wanted to break up. His reasoning’s : we fought to much with no solution he was tired of arguing with me when i asked him to give me one more chance to make things right he said he was tired of giving chances and getting no where he said that we need to have our time apart he has alot of stress going on and I do too. At first I swore that it was cause of college but after speaking to a few people and realizing it it really was because I kept arguing about something when my boyfriend is a loyal great man. I know my boyfriend loves me and cares for me a lot still. After the break up I drove 3 hours back home and he texted me saying he hopes I got home safe and not to be mad at him I told him i respect his decision and will let him be and he continued to say he wants me to come to him with any problems i have he doesn’t want me to just leave him out my life. Believe it or not i do feel like i have a very good chance of getting my ex back i just dont know which steps i should take i know if i do it smartly i can get him back. i know he does stalk my social media and instgram because he will ask me about comments under pictures from weeks ago. so im ganna definitely take the approach and change my social media accounts to being much happier , ect. i do also want to do the no contact rule but i feel like if he texts me i would want to answer, should I? or should I let it be and wait for the 30 days of no contact. is there anything else i should do with this proccess cause i know for a fact i can get him back because he truly loves me its just he said he too young to constantly argue in a realtionship and he simply wants to be happy .

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Brianna,

      if you’re going to do the no contact rule, that means you can’t answer him if he texts unless it’s an emergency or he says he wants you back.

  31. Beachrose - 0

    Beachrose

    1) What if you’ve unfriended them on FB, but they can still see your pictures? Should I open up my prefs to allow more stalking?

    2) Also, he has a psych problem, and is kind of a jerk. That is: he sort of uses being a jerk to help cover up his ADHD screw ups. I know that being known as a jerk bothers him. He started seeing a counselor, but his problems are really technical (see below.) Figured all this out a couple of years ago, but he only admitted his ADHD status & a**holery in all this when we finally broke up (mutual.) He has apologized. He says he wants to “get better and come back” – but he also says lots of things I can’t believe – I need to see the actions/ proof.

    Background:
    We were together 6 years – and lived together for most of it since he asked me to marry him – then he flip flopped on that numerous times. Every time I’d tell him he couldn’t live with me as “just a boyfriend,” he’d insist he really wanted to get married, finalized an old divorce, that he’d see a counselor, etc. He finalized the divorce, but never got the ring, even though the design was finalized, and he made a deposit.

    He’s a middle-aged guy, and not fully treated for ADHD. He knows he has it, but people with ADHD have trouble initiating/ prioritizing/ following through – so who knows if/when he’ll get properly/fully: treated/ medicated/ counseled, etc.

    He wants to “keep me in his life”, but I think just as a friend/ emotional crutch, which I’m really not interested in. He loved how I took care of him (I’m very smart and caring – not co-dependent tho), but it was often one-sided: Untreated ADHD’ers typically get their S/O to act more like a parent than a lover. They can also have anger, communication, and other problems, seeming bi-polar, and lying to cover up their screw-ups and impulsive choices. He was definitely all that, too.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Beachrose,

      That’s your home and he decided to move out, so the decision on what keeps to be displayed, who goes and in and out should be yours. If he doesn’t want to get his things, so be it. Leave it at the front yard for him to easily pick up whenever he’s ready. Have your own decision and be strong with it, because the more you allow him to do what he wants in your life and in your home, the more you look like you rely on him.

      He has to feel and realize that you’ve really had enough and he has to respect your home. About your social media posts, yes make them public.

  32. D - 0

    D

    I’m not sure how to delete my comment? I shouldn’t have posted it, thank you for any advice on how to get it removed?

    Reply
  33. Michelle - 0

    Michelle

    Hello! My fiance and I were together for 7 years and he broke up with me a month ago because I emotionally neglected him. Well, actually broke up 3 months ago but had to live together for 2 months then I moved out a month ago. There were other small problems but the emotional neglect was the biggest issue. I focused more on other things like my daugher, animals, etc instead of him. Therefore, he said he was unhappy and didn’t see it changing so wanted to break up after 7 years together. I also use to joke and say we were going to get married when my daughter turned 18 because I received too much it taxes and this upset him which I NEVER knew. He doesn’t know how to communicate well at all. He says that he doesn’t want to do this because has to do it to make himself happy. Any suggestions on what to do because I truly do love him even though he doesn’t think I do. Thanks for the help. Michelle

    Reply
  34. Bake - 0

    Bake

    How to do this when we are important partners in the business and we are the best friends to each other?

    Reply
  35. Calli - 0

    Calli

    I appreciate this site! Here is the gist of my situation: I had just gotten out of a horrible relationship that left me very damaged. I finally decided I needed to try to date to get over that situation. The first date I went on, it turns out, was fantastic (this is the ex I am wanting back, not the horrible one)! We immediately clicked and I was very excited. We went on several dates over a few weeks and finally decided we were an item. Unfortunately, I kept finding myself having triggers of the damage done to me by the other guy, so I felt that it was unfair to the new relationship and broke it off. A few weeks later, I realized my mistake and contacted him – we got back together essentially immediately, and we were happy for several months. At this time, he had no qualms about giving me another chance. After a few months, my “horrible” ex popped back into my life unexpectedly and managed to confuse me again. I ended up breaking off my good relationship once again out of fairness to him. At this point, I figured he was tired of my hot and cold, so I assumed I had ruined my chances with him. I spent several months working on myself…I am finally confident in saying that the horrible ex is finally in my past. It was a long road, and I am happy with the progress I made in seeing my own self-worth. That said, I now realize how foolish I was to let a good guy go because of my own issues. The timing was unfortunate to say the least.

    Eventually, the good guy contacted me again and I was shocked it seemed he may give me another chance. We started texting often, and he would call me from time to time. Everything seemed to be going great until he vanished – ghosted me. I took the hint nearly immediately, only sending two, innocent, texts that were ignored by him before giving up (I am confident in saying I was never a GNAT towards him whatsoever). I decided this may just never work and started dating other people. It turns out, I was kind of doing the No Contact Rule without realizing that is what I was doing because almost exactly 30 days later, he pops back in, apologizing for ghosting me. We started talking again, hanging out a bit, calling, etc. for a few weeks. Eventually, we did hook up. I can tell he is very guarded towards me, and the opportunity never arose for me to tell him about the progress I’ve made in myself, and apologize to him for being so hot and cold during our relationship. The last time I heard from him was about a week ago. He texted me asking what I was doing, saying he wanted me to join in a fun activity he was doing. I was busy at the time, but texted him later seeing what he was doing…no response. The next day, I sent another innocent text about how his fun activity went…no response. I assume he is ghosting me again after being pretty consistent for nearly a month. Not wanting to be a GNAT, I haven’t reached out since.

    Should I do the NCR again? Or should I now act as if I’m in post-NC time? I’d really like to tell him that I’ve realized the error of my ways, but also don’t want to come on too strong when he is being so guarded towards me.

    Thanks!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Calli,

      dont sleep with hin again.. Give him time.. if he doesnt text in a week, you can initiate

    • Calli - 0

      Calli

      Thanks, Amor! Would your advice be different if he may be interested in another girl? I have a suspicion that may be the reason he has ghosted me both times. I think he is back and forth between us both…

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Ohhhh… hmm.. dont mention anything or ask him yet.. try to find out in other way and if confirmed.. dont confront him.. I know it’s hard but those things are better asked personally and in a calm way so that he wont get defensive..

      like when you’re already in a good talk, ask, “Hey, what about you.. are you seeing anyone right now?”

    • Calli - 0

      Calli

      I know I’ve spent way too much of my energy discovering this, but I have found that my ex is somewhat selective about what he “likes” on social media. He has a couple of exes that he is still Facebook friends with, but never likes a single thing they post – ever. For me, he typically likes every single thing I post. However, I can tell when he is ghosting me because he stops liking whatever I post online, but he usually ends up popping back into liking everything. Your advice above was to wait a week and text him. I tested the waters a bit that week, posting a picture of my dog (who he loves) – he did not like it, so I assumed I wasn’t in his good graces enough to initiate contact. I did not text him, and have still not initiated contact (which I guess puts me at about day 15 or so of NC).

      A couple days ago, he started liking things again. I posted two pictures: one of me, one of my dog – he liked them both. This is a frustrating cycle, but I still haven’t gotten the chance to tell him and/or show him that I have improved myself since we broke up since he is so guarded towards me! I’m scared of texting him and scaring him off into ghost-ville again, but also can’t keep counting Facebook likes to determine if he’s still in the picture or not.

      I do believe he was interested in one specific girl at some point (I don’t think that ended up working out), and I have seen him on dating sites, so I’m not sure where his head is at. Honestly, I would be okay with it if he went on a few dates because my experience with online dating is that most dates make you realize how good you used to have it! Once I saw him on the dating site, I deleted my own dating account: 1. because I didn’t want to end up stalking him on there; and 2. I didn’t want him to see me on there.

      I feel like a crazy person basing my sense of whether I have a chance getting him back based on whether or not he likes my Facebook posts! Either way, it appears I’m back in his good graces, at least for now…

      Advice?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      I think using posts is still a better option to show your improvement, because it’s an action.. When you’re saying it, it’s like you’re just trying to impress or make him believe you improved.. At least when it’s a post, it would look more casual..

  36. firegirl - 0

    firegirl

    hi amor,
    ya im continueing my nc rule…its been 8 dys..i didnot contact him in all ways…..im healing slowely…wt should i do to be more happy and confident again like before….any positive suggestions on positive things should i do as student….im going to clg regular n preparing for my studies as well bt when im alone…some memories makes me weak n cry ….bt im becoming strong…!
    so how can i avoid this situation…?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      dont..acknowledge it, feel it just dont get stuck on that feeling.. it will be a slow process but what matters more is that you’re active.. Do new things. Joine new clubs or workshops or volunteer, have a makeover,.get in touch more with your friends and make new ones

    • firegirl - 0

      firegirl

      hi there,

      you r right , healing process is slow…bt it works great!…my neediness and insecurity is going away..i started meditation n trying to bring new things in my life…i hope this NC rule gives me good result..

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      We hope too! 🙂

  37. Rachel - 0

    Rachel

    So here’s the crazy part: My on and off again boyfriend broke up. TRUST I have used this website before to get him back. Works like a CHARM (this site works ladies). Weeellll he cheated again. Yeh. No. I’m done. So we broke up 2 months ago. He is stalking me on facebook, calling my phone like crazy. I just told him I need time to process everything. I am pretty sure I am not taking him back this time. It eats him up that he cheated down. Anyway.

    Fast forward. Here is why I am here. I went out on a date with this guy. Like 1 of 50 different guys I went on dates on. We went on like 8-9 dates (we are both busy). Course of 2 months have passed. So it’s new but it’s PERFECT. ABSOLUTELY. Everything I did not get in my old relationship. My ex and I didn’t even start out this good. I don’t think ANY relationship has ever started out this good. So, some drama happened. completely out of my control. He literally thinks I did it. He thinks I am crazy.

    In my willingness to explain and apologize, I turned into a texting GNAT. HE BLOCKED me on facebook. He stopped returning all communication. So I sent him one long text message explaining the ins and out of EVERYTHING all at once so it made sense (which I should have done to start with) and I was like I understand why you don’t want to talk to me (though it was NOT my fault at all). Then I initiated NC. Welllllllll another issue happened and I HAD to contact him only 5 days in (think bed bugs – from my job). He replied to that text and I apologized once again and I offered to pay for an exterminator. He didn’t even reply to that. Like, I don’t know if that made it WORSE… Hey… I’m the crazy chick that gave you bed bugs too :(.

    Omg. Is this over? I know it was so new. Everyone is like just count it as a loss and keep dating 🙁 but all of the guys I dated he was perfect. Should I start over NC? I mean we only had just like 2 months in. I feel stupid going a whole month. Then being like hey! My ex… sure.. that was YEARS. a month was nothing.

    Help. HAHA. Like I effed up and I was SURE I was playing by all the rules. I am trying to act like I don’t care, trying to date other dudes, trying to be the gettable girl, but I am STUCK on this guy. He even wrote me a song. I mean… can’t pass that up!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Rachel,

      Try just 21 days.. I’m pretty sure you already know what to do during and after no contact. Just avoid breaking it and make the most out of it.

    • Rachel - 0

      Rachel

      Welll maybe not. So the bed bug thing pissed him off either further. Understandably. Not really.. no actually… not really. So at first he said he thinks, I was lying just to contact him. Then i said I wasn’t. So I sent him the 7 different emails from the CEO/ head HR and I said, I came straight from my internship to your place. I HAD no choice but to notify you. So basically he told me that if I contact him again, he’s placing a restraining order. Which, he never actually said, don’t contact me again. After the drama happened, he just took me off of facebook and I stopped talking to him. So then bed bugs…

      And when I asked like WTH: his reply was: You sent me: 10 text messages (7 were emails from chain of command) over the course of 1 day “Which is harassment” and due to the drama that initially happened… which basically I really had this thought… you’re right. I should have let your whole apartment get flooded from bed bugs. I shouldn’t have told your ***. Mind you, I told everyone else I came in contact with.

      So I get being mad. I get I was annoying with the drama. Isn’t that excessive since I didn’t talk to him for days, didn’t threaten him, or anything? Is it just me? LOL.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      oh wait.. that changes your course.. Even if he over reacted, that still means 21 days won’t be enough for him.. You should do 45 days..

    • Rachel - 0

      Rachel

      So I am pregnant and I confirmed it’s not the ex-ex’s (gestation and size), it’s this ex. I am not going to contact him until the 45 days…. however, what do I SAY? You got an article on this?

      P.S. you knocked me up? LOL. (I can laugh, because having a kid doesn’t scare me). Hey… want to hold my hair back? What are you dueing in 9 months? Did you put the buns in the oven? 15 dollar bet it’s a girl? I wanna grow fat with you? I saw this awesome trick, it looked like I swallowed a basketball…. wait for it.

      No for real… what do I say? LMBO.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      🙂 Well, I think you have to break nc.. Inform in a formal way and in a non-pressuring way if you can. Tell him that you would understand whatever his reaction would be, you would really be glad if he would be involved with your pregnancy but if he’s not ready now, you’re not rushing him. And if he has questions, he can talk to you anytime.

  38. Angela - 0

    Angela

    How can I get my ex back if he’s changed his number?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Angela,

      how long was your relationship? And basing on his last text, it looks like you’re either clingy or you fought too much with him. You have to do at least 45 days and just really focus in changing yourself. Heal and improve. If he changed numbers that means you have to message him after nc through social media. But he has to think that you have moved on and stopped chasing him for him to take a chance on starting as friends again with you.

      Oh and I answered your very first comment too. I’ll copy paste my answer there here:
      Hi Angela,

      I think you need to listen to this. Click it:
      EBR 056: My Ex Boyfriend Cheated On Me Multiple Times… What Do I Do?

  39. LostinPA - 0

    LostinPA

    Hi,

    My boyfriend and I had been going out for 2 1/2 years. We have had the almost perfect relationship – our first year was truly amazing and life changing. Our second year and a half have been more challenging, but we moved in together and have faced the “real world” together that isn’t always fun and roses. Throughout, though, we have constantly loved each other, have the same goals, we do things with each other’s families, and are each other’s main supports. I thought this guy was the one.

    Any big issues really started last December, after attending a friend’s engagement party (which we essentially planned and he made a 3 tier cake for) and feeling a little anxious about whether we could get to that stage, we had a major discussion about our future. He basically said he couldn’t be sure about being with me forever, but wanted to keep being together and couldn’t imagine a life without me. Since then, I had been waiting patiently for him to come to the right decision by himself. This was really hard for me – I am a naturally confident and vibrant person who was not really crazy about feeling powerless in a relationship. Every few months, he sort of entered a low period, usually related to work, and I could tell this caused him to have some doubts about our relationship. Occasionally I would try and broach the subject, but felt it would be better to just push through, knowing everything returned to normal.

    For about two and a half weeks this month, he was seeming to be in a low period. This was nothing new to me necessarily, except that he was acting different. He was constantly nitpicking what I did and we had a bit of a fight about that. But he apologized and let me know the reason – that sometimes I can complain too much – a totally true fact about me that I do need to work on. I accepted the apology. We also weren’t being very sexual, which was also not extremely surprising with a few health issues I had. But last week, health issues resolved, I tried to engage in physical intimacy and was rebuffed. This obviously upset me very much and I asked what was wrong. He didn’t really have a good answer for me. He said he wasn’t feeling particularly physical lately and I answered that it seems like something is wrong. With some pushing, we essentially began having the same conversation we did last December. He is still somewhat unsure about children/the choice to get married. Knowing how much his indecision was hurting me, he thought it would be better if we ended it because he didn’t want to keep hurting me. I had a panic attack and he was equally upset, but I spent the day getting a lot of my stuff out of his house. This all happened in less than 2 hours.

    I went back later that night to have a better discussion. He said then that he wasn’t really sure that he didn’t want kids, he probably did, that he had been questioning himself all day and may wake up in 5 days to realize he’s made a big mistake, and that maybe he just needs time. He also said maybe I’ll find my prince charming in the city I live in. He also helped me get my stuff into the car and took furniture downstairs for my dad and I to pick up over the weekend.

    We haven’t talked since the breakup except to arrange me picking up some additional things this weekend. I said it was really hard and he agreed and said the house felt empty. I guess I’m wondering if there’s any hope left for me. I really can’t imagine a life without him and feel he’s making a huge mistake.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi lost in PA,

      yeah I think you do have a chance..are you going to do the no contact rule/

    • LostinPA - 0

      LostinPA

      I have to pick up more of my stuff this weekend, I figured we’d sort of have one last conversation for now and then not talk for a while. He is going on a 3 week hiking vacation end of the month, so I figured that would be a good way to contact him for the first time after NC.

  40. Sarah - 0

    Sarah

    Hi, so I dated this guy for almost 2 years before we broke up. It was a mutual split. The main reason behind it was that he was moving to a different country for higher studies and it lead to a lot of complications before it left.
    Like we stopped spending time together, as he became busy with other things and his behaviour changed a lot as he wasn’t ready for a long distance relationship. So we started arguing a lot and finally decided to call it off. However, we decided to remain in touch. We spoke for 2 months after the spilt and he’s been gone for a month now. I’m 6 days in the no contact rule and he hasn’t texted me once in these 6 days. Do you thing the nc rule will work in my case. I’m not sure whether I want to get back with him because of his changed behaviour. But I still do miss him a lot.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sarah,

      we cant guarantee that it will work but if what you did, keeping in touch didnt work then it’a time to try a different approach

    • Sarah - 0

      Sarah

      When we were in touch for those 2 months we did not argue, we were just talking fine. And everything was nice and happy between us.
      Only thing is that we weren’t talking about our past relationship and if we were gonna get back anytime soon. And being in touch with him wasn’t helping me move on and get over him. That’s why I thought of trying the nc rule. Should I continue with the nc rule or just start talking to him?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Continue nc and be productive. Heal, improve yourself and be active in social media.

  41. Federica - 0

    Federica

    My boyfriend and I were together almost for a year, we had our downs most because I was going through a change in my life and it was difficult to be positive. However he always told me that he would be there for me and supported me, in all our relationship time I felt he was more in love that I was, he always says I was the “one” for him. Then it came 3 weeks that I had to travel away, but we were talking everyday and it was feeling like our relationship was getting stronger. One weekend he went to a festival, just for two days, and when he came back he called me and told me that he has met the woman of his life, the love of his life, that he hasn’t done more than kissing the girl which he considered as not cheating, but in conclusion that he needed it to finish our relationship because he wants to be with the other girl.
    I was caught completely unexpecting this, 2 days ago I was the one for him and now what have happened. I was in shock and I was so angry. I felt so betrayed. Specially because he is not a teeneger, he is a mature man who I thought when he said “I love you” was real.
    Even I didn’t want to break up with him, there was not so much I could do. So I took the NC period for more than a month, I did improve myself, and then I sent him a text tellin him that even I didn’t agree with all he has done, I appreciated him and I hoped we can be friends. He replied me almost immediately telling me he hoped the same. And few days later he texted me he saw something and he remember me and he had to contact me to tell me. So we started chatting and then maybe after 6 weeks of our breakup we met for a coffee. I followed your advised and I just said I was super great, never speaking about our relationship or anything and being as friendly as I could. I told him just one thing regarding our breakup, that I felt like I didn’t just lose my boyfriend but as well my best friend and that it was hurtful to feel that he put me away from his life so easy in the sense that we were best friends during our relationship. In that moment he told me that his feelings for me were still there but then he talked about the woman he left me for and he said things were great. At the end of the meeting, I received a called from a friend, and he start suggesting if it was my new boyfriend and so on, I didn’t made any comment but it was like if he was jealous. Then he went away and text me few minutes later telling me that he hoped I arrived safe home and then in the night again to say good night.
    To be honest I don’t know what to make of it, do I have chances to come back with him? What should I do next?

    Reply
  42. FIREGIRL - 0

    FIREGIRL

    hi there,

    no he does not know about the nc rule…he jst made a joke at tht day…..jst said tht he wanted to see my reaction on the new gf topic…bt he jst said tht he was making joke only…bt anything like tht happen then i should not hv any problem abt tht..:(

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      ah ok.. stick to nc rule.. don’t be swayed by what he says.

  43. Vivi - 0

    Vivi

    Hey, Chris/Amor. Can your advice help me if my Ex-boyfriend left me for one of his online friends? He and I were together for about 5 years. It was a long distance relationship. We’ve never met each other in person, but I hoped one day we could. We’ve had our share of stupid and childish fights. I thought with everything we pulled through together, we would be stronger as a couple. Over the months, he had openly stated he felt unsure about me. He asked for a break that I wasn’t able to give because I started to overthink and overreact. I didn’t know how to go along with the “no contact” rule. Because I couldn’t give him space like he wanted, he became upset with me and ended what we had.

    His friend saw what was going on between us. She encouraged him to break up with me. She convinced him that I wasn’t a healthy person to be involved with. I know she’s not a rebound because he developed a close friendship with her while he had been with me. He started a relationship with her shortly after the breakup. I should mention that he went on a full block-out. He told me he didn’t want me in his life. I don’t post often on social media sites. He knows where to find me, but even then, he doesn’t bother to look.

    I’ve done what I could to better myself as a person in our time apart. I want to show him that I’m different, but it feels too soon. He’s focused on his new girlfriend and if I attempt to talk to him, he’ll see me as an obsessed Ex trying to get back with him again. It’s been a couple of months since the break up. In the years I’ve known him, he’s never been the type to chase after anyone that has left him. It isn’t an over-exaggeration, either. He’s always been able to disconnect himself from people. He moves on to others without a second thought. It’s a part of his personality. It doesn’t seem possible, but is there any chance I could be the first person he tries to come back to?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Vivi,

      she’s a grass is greener case. You said you’ve never met in 5 years? Why?

      If she lives near him and they’re able to meet, that means they can have a stronger relationship even if it’s shorter. To be honest, no matter how long the relationship is, if you dont meet personally, it’s not that strong. We’re not even sure if you’re the only he’s dating at that time.

      For me it’s better if you move on and go out..Meet people who has the same interest for you, so you can have a chance of a relationship where you can make actual memories together.

  44. Hunter - 0

    Hunter

    I am in desperate need of advice!! My ex and I were together for 8 months, the first day we met weve spent everyday since then together, minus a few weeks here and there when he went to N Carolina to see his kids, at the beginning he took all his angry out for his ex on me and I cheated on him, we both knew we did wrong and stuck together, we were so happy and lived together since day 1, but three days ago we got in an argument and I lost it and started hitting him and screaming, then next day we woke up and I asked for his forgiveness and that I’ll never lay hands on him again and he said OK and that he loved me, I come home from work that night and everything is gone from the house except my things, and I’ve been texting him the past three days, and even went to his dads house and he wanted no part in him, and now he’s gone to n Carolina and said I’ll never have him back, but during the whole relationship I worked and paid for everything he never worked, but I’m in love with him and I know he loves me to I just need him back! Help pleaseeeee

    Reply
    • Hunter - 0

      Hunter

      I meant no part in me* not him

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Hunter,

      I think the relationship got toxic.. Maybe everything piled up and he’s had enough..first the cheating, the fights, and then hitting him.. He has to see the change first. 45 days is not enough for him to think that you’ve really changed. You cant rush things. You cant ask for him back right after nc..dont beg.

      You have to accept that he is starting to move on. So, when you start talking again, dont expect him to be wanting to get back with you. He might even be cautious and observant on why you’re texting him. Cant be angry too because it will remind him of the reasons why he left you..

      Do 45 days..Learn to be emotionally independent. Take therapy and then keep healing and improving even after nc while you’re rebuilding rapport with him…

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