How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him.

I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator ” What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

If you want your ex boyfriend to miss you (after your breakup) then you definitely came to the right place. You will find that my site, Ex Boyfriend Recovery is a lot different than the rest of my peers. I don’t write articles for the sake of writing articles. In fact, I would say that I don’t write articles at all.

I write in-depth guides that will help you accomplish a specific goal. In addition to that, I am extremely involved on this site. Me and my team respond to every comment personally and as long as your comment relates to the topic that my “in-depth guide” covers you should get a response within a day (unless it’s the weekend.)

Now, I know that’s a bit of a shocking statement to make especially when you consider the state of the “get your back niche” these days. I mean, just the other day I was doing research on a forum and I saw hundreds of women NOT getting answered. But I really feel that’s what makes Ex Boyfriend Recovery different from the rest.

We have a whole team dedicated to upholding our “motto,” if you will.

What’s our motto?

That everyone who comes to the site to read, watch, or comment should be helped and attended to.

Oh… how rude of me.

Perhaps I should introduce you to “The Ex Recovery Team.”

Now, throughout this article you may notice that a few of our team members chime in and offer little tidbits of advice on top of the advice that I am dishing out. Don’t be alarmed by that.

You are still learning from me, Chris Seiter, it’s just that I always think five heads are better than one.

But perhaps I shouldn’t get too touchy feely here. You are here for a reason after all and that reason is to make your ex boyfriend miss you.

So, since you are inquiring about how you can make your ex miss you this page is going to be focused solely on that. So, without further ado, I give you the method in which you should employ to make your ex miss you.

Will Making An Ex Boyfriend Miss You Help You Win Him Back?

You are here to learn about how to make an ex boyfriend miss you, right?

If you are then this makes me assume that ultimately you want your ex boyfriend back. After all, why else would you want to make him miss you?

(Well, I suppose getting revenge on him is an answer here but lets just assume that, that isn’t the reason you want to make him miss you.)

The thinking goes a little like this,

“If I make him miss me then eventually he will realize that he wants to be back in a relationship with me.”

So, lets do a little role playing here and assume that you end up taking the advice I teach on this page to heart and successfully make your ex boyfriend miss you.

Do you think he will come back?

Do you think making him miss you alone will be enough?

Unfortunately no…

Don’t get me wrong, you will absolutely have to make your ex miss you if you want any chance of winning him back but it isn’t going to be enough alone.

Think of it like a puzzle.

In order to get your ex boyfriend back you need to put the entire puzzle together,

However, simply getting your ex boyfriend to miss you is essentially like trying to put a puzzle together with just one piece.

It’s impossible.

But that’s why you need a reference guide to teach you to put all the pieces together. So, The Ex Recovery Team and I have put together an entire book for doing just that.

It’s called,

Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO

Think of it like the ultimate step by step game plan for getting your ex back. It takes you through the process from start to finish. It gives you all the puzzle pieces and covers just about every situation you can think of.

Seriously…

Take a look at the situations we cover in PRO,

  • You Cheated
  • They Cheated
  • You Cheated On Each Other
  • Long Distance
  • Being Blocked
  • He/She Has A New Girlfriend/Boyfriend
  • If You Slept With Them
  • Engagement
  • If They Are In The Army
  • If You Have A Child Together
  • If You Have Been Friend Zoned
  • How To Get Them Back After A Long Time Apart (1 Yr +)
  • They Broke Up With You
  • You Broke Up With Them
  • If You Work With Them
  • If Your Ex Just Got Divorced
  • If You Just Got Divorced
  • Getting Your Husband/Wife Back
  • If You Think You Were The Rebound
  • If They Were On The Rebound
  • What To Do If They Are Married
  • What If There Is An Age Gap
  • If You Are Pregnant (Women Only)
  • What If Your Girlfriend Is Pregnant (Men Only)
  • On Again/Off Again

But you are probably getting bored of hearing me talk about Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO aren’t you? After all, you did come here to make your ex boyfriend back, right?

Well, then lets get right to it.

I give you the ultimate guide for making an ex boyfriend miss you.

Please enjoy it! Oh, and one thing we are really good about here on Ex Boyfriend Recovery is answering people’s questions. So, if you have any type of question about the process I am about to teach you feel free to ask us in the comments section of this article or you can ask Leia, our support rep at [email protected]

Lets dive in!

ExBoyfriend Recovery PRO

Get the Fairy Tale Feeling Back again with our Step-by-Step Guide to Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back

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You Have A “Missing” Advantage Already

One of the things that I have always found fascinating when it comes to researching breakups is the scientific data that I come across. You see, I am one of those people who is low on faith.

Faith = Believing in something without seeing it.

And perhaps that’s a little strange for the profession that I have chosen since a lot of getting an ex back is all about believing in an outcome that hasn’t occurred yet.

Nevertheless, I think it would be wrong of me to try to teach you something without having proof it works which is why I find the scientific research done on breakups so fascinating.

So many insights can be derived from them.

Take The Brain Study As An Example…

Did you know that science has proven that after a breakup you experience the same type of feeling that a drug addict would feel if he/she was going through a withdrawal period?

In 2005, psychologist Art Aron, neurologist Lucy Brown, and anthropologist Helen Fisher all teamed up to do an interesting study on individuals who had just recently gone through a breakup.

They decided to have the individuals put a brain imaging tool on and then showed them pictures of their ex.

The scientists were trying to determine what was happening in the brain of the people who just went through the breakup.

The results were shocking.

The part of the brain that lit up was the same part of the brain that is commonly present in drug addicts who are going through withdrawal.

So, I guess it’s true what they say.

Love is a drug!

But one simple study probably isn’t enough to sway your opinion, huh?

Ok, lets dive in a little deeper and look at the interesting world of “Facebook Creeping”

The Facebook Creeper Statistic

GUILTY!

I have done this.

Hell, I think everyone does this after a breakup. It’s human nature to be curious about what your ex is up to post breakup. I remember in my circumstance with my most recent ex I would think to myself,

“I wonder if she is depressed… I bet she is. Let me look and find out.”

And ever since Facebook was invented it has become the ultimate tool for spying on on ex. Just ask Veronika Lukacs who conducted the study as part of her Media Studies Masters thesis, in which she looked at how many people have admitted to “Facebook Creeping” on an ex.

Now, if you don’t know what “Facebook Creeping” is it’s actually quite simple.

Facebook Creeping = Spying on an exes Facebook profile after a breakup to see what they are up to.

You won’t believe how many people admitted to creeping on their exes Facebook.

Nearly 90%!

(Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/28/nearly-90-percent-of-people-creep-facebook_n_1687424.html)

That’s incredible.

You realize what that means, right?

Well, it means that there is a nearly 90% chance that your ex boyfriend is going to come strolling by your Facebook profile assuming you are still friends there.

That’s amazing.

But again, I still feel this incredible need to provide you with overwhelming statistics before I specifically talk about the advantage you have.

The Overwhelming Statistics In Your Favor

Did you know that 71% of people claim that they think about their ex too much?

Now, does that necessarily mean that if your ex falls into the 71% category that he is going to be missing you?

No, remember, this statistic is basically just saying that 71% of people think about their exes too much. It doesn’t dive too deep into what he is thinking when he is missing you.

He could be thinking negative things…

He could be thinking positive things…

We just don’t know.

Nevertheless, thinking about an ex too much certainly is a start towards missing that ex.

But it gets even better, 60% of people who are married or dating say that their ex is on their mind too much. So, this basically tells us that even if you are married you may still think about your ex too much.

What are my thoughts on this statistic?

Well, I think the important distinction that has to be made is if they are thinking about their ex TOO MUCH or just a little bit. I think it’s human nature to have your mind wander to the past and think about an ex.

Hell, I am sure even my own wife has had this happen from time to time but it’s not like she can turn her mind off.

No one can.

But there is a definite difference between having your mind take a small trip down memory lane and thinking about an ex all day every day.

I would be curious to hear what people defined as thinking “too much”

Oh, and in case you are wondering where I got these statistics, the Yahoo Dating section!

Now I want to talk about your “Big Advantage”

The Big Advantage That You Have

I got pretty darn boring just now and threw out a bunch of statistics for you. The statistics were meant to prove one thing.

What The Statistics Prove = That even after a breakup, without you doing anything, your ex is thinking about you way too much

So, if your ex is thinking about you too much then you can ultimately use that to your advantage, right?

That’s your big advantage when it comes to making a man miss you. As a default, he is already thinking about you too much. So, that puts you in a pretty good place because many of you will find that it’s not going to take too much to get him to miss you.

Now, does that mean that it’s easy to make a man miss you?

Absolutely not.

There are a lot of factors involved.

But here is my vision.

Right now your ex, as a default, is thinking about you too much,

Now, imagine if you took an ex who was thinking about you too much and coupled it with a professional’s strategies,

Making him miss you should be a piece of cake, right?

Well, there is still one more thing that I think we need to cover before I can give you the strategy you should implement and this is something that is going to be important for you to understand because it’s going to directly affect your chances for making him miss you.

The Number One Factor That Determines Whether He Misses You Or Not

Let’s role play.

Lets pretend that in your entire life you have only dated two men.

Man One – Was the great love of your life. He treated you like a queen, made you feel butterflies and as you were dating him you would often think to yourself, “I think he may be “The One.””

Man Two- You also loved Man Two but he did not treat you so well. Your entire relationship, while electric was full of fights. Man Two had a bad habit of putting you down and making you feel bad about yourself.

So, lets assume that you have broken up with both of these men.

Which one do you think you are more likely to miss?

Man One, right?

Why?

Because he treated you like a queen and your overall relationship with him was better.

And that brings me to my ultimate point.

Without a doubt the number one factor that determines whether a man will miss you or not is always going to be your past relationship with him.

Now, I am not like those other relationship experts out there that will tell you what you want to hear 100% of the time.

If you had a horrible relationship with your ex your chances of having him miss you is going to be lower. That’s just the way it is. Of course, if you had a great relationship with him your chances will be higher.

So, it works both ways.

The Secret Advantage Of YOU Initiating The Breakup

Ok, one more thing to talk about before we can start getting down to the actual strategy of making an ex boyfriend miss you.

Did you know that you have a “secret advantage” if you were actually the one to initiate the breakup with your ex?

This one is just pretty much common sense. As you know, there are usually three outcomes to a breakup.

1. He Can Break Up With You- Where your ex boyfriend actually is the one to initiate the break up.

2. You Can Break Up With Him- Where YOU actually are the one to initiate the break up with him.

3. You Both Mutually Agree To Break Up- This one is where you both break up mutually. No side strikes first.

I highlighted the “you can break up with him” choice because you will have a small advantage in making your ex miss you if you initiated the breakup.

We have already established above that you have an advantage in the fact that most people say that they still think about their ex too much but when you add in the fact that you initiated the breakup your advantage is going to be a little more distinct.

When I get to talking about the no contact rule (really soon) I am going to talk about psychological reactance.

But I suppose I can give you an early taste here since it is definitely going to apply.

Psychological reactance theory basically states that when you take away someones options to do something their attraction to gain their freedom to get that option back increases.

Think of it like this.

Lets say you are walking in the store with a toddler named Ricky (no idea why I picked that name but bear with me here.) Ricky tugs on your pants and points to a toy saying,

“I want that toy!”

You immediately say,

“No, you can’t have that toy.”

Well, now that, Ricky’s freedom to have that toy has been taken away what does he want more than anything?

The toy!

This is psychological reactance in a nutshell.

So, by breaking up with your ex you actually increase the chances that he will miss you because his freedom to have you has been taken away.

Pretty interesting, right?

Of course, there is one case where this might not work as well.

The ONE Case Where You Might Not Have This Advantage

If you broke up with your ex because he cheated on you.

Cheating is one of those topics that is difficult for everyone involved (including me an impartial third party.)

“Wait, why is it hard for you?”

Easy, it’s hard because I am the one that has to come up with the game plan for putting a “cheating couple” back together. Thus, I have to do a lot of research on the topic to determine the best way to proceed.

So, like I said above, you probably aren’t going to have this secret advantage if you broke up with your ex if he cheated on you.

Why?

Because clearly something went wrong with your relationship.

Generally speaking people don’t cheat on a whim.

It’s not like a guy wakes up one day and goes,

“ALRIGHTY! Today is the day I cheat on my girlfriend.”

It’s usually a slow process that takes place over months. And for a man to cheat on you generally means that the wasn’t fully satisfied with the relationship.

Now, does that mean that he never loved you if he cheated on you?

No, Esther Perel, has dedicated pretty much her whole life to studying infidelity and she has found that oftentimes men and women who cheat are still in love with their partner. They just want more excitement in their sex lives.

Now, take that whatever way you want.

I am going to take it as if there is a fundamental problem with your relationship because in my mind a man who is fully satisfied with his relationship will be excited and engaged in his sex life with his partner.

Nevertheless, if you broke up with your ex because he cheated then you aren’t going to have this small little advantage that I am talking about.

Now lets look at the other side of the coin.

The ONE Case Where You Will Absolutely Have The Secret Advantage

If you broke up with him and he didn’t want you to.

Above I established that the the secret advantage that I keep talking about heavily revolves around this idea of “psychological reactance.”

And to be honest I can’t think of situation that screams “taking a mans freedom to have you away” more than this one.

If you broke up with your ex boyfriend when he didn’t want you to break up with him then you have definitely left him with the impression that you are a very rare commodity.

It’s a bit of that law of scarcity.

You will find that the more scarce you are the more attractive you will be to men in general.

It’s the same way that diamonds are so attractive to women.

It’s the fact that they look pretty AND they are very rare.

I mean, something tells me that you wouldn’t find a diamond so attractive if you go buy it for a dollar at the dollar store.

Anyways, lets move on to the meat of this guide.

How to make a man miss you after a breakup!

The “Make Him Miss You” Strategy

I want you to take a look at the graphic below,

Pretty straightforward, right?

“Umm Chris… no it’s not.”

Well, don’t worry. It will be because I am going to break it down for you.

The “BIG” strategy for making your ex boyfriend miss you is divided up into four different parts,

1. The No Contact Rule
2. Social Media Game
3. The “Frank Sinatra Effect”
4. Jealousy Tactics

Lets start from the top!

PART ONE: The No Contact Rule

(For more in-depth information on the No Contact Rule and how to PROPERLY put it into practice please visit Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

Throughout this site you will find that the No Contact Rule is a pretty big theme.

Hell, I even wrote an entire book about it (The No Contact Rule Book.)

But why is it such a big theme?

Why do I talk about it so much?

Well that’s easy to answer. The no contact rule is without a doubt one of the most successful strategies for getting an ex back. A few weeks ago I compiled all of my recorded success stories to try to determine any correlations that I could find between what the people who had actually won their exes back were doing that the people who were failing weren’t.

Turns out the no contact rule was present in 74% of the successes.

But to be honest I think that number is actually a lot higher than that.

Why?

Because a portion of the success stories that I had recorded didn’t give me much information.

They just said something like,

“Thanks, I got my ex back.”

Not really deep enough for me to determine what that particular person did to succeed in getting their ex back, huh?

Don’t believe me?

Ok, here is a sample of one of the “thin” success stories that I got,

 

 

So, if you were to ask my opinion on how many of the successes used the no contact rule I would put the number closer to 90%. Whatever the case, one thing is very clear.

The no contact rule is essential if you want to get your ex boyfriend back.

But how does it make him miss you?

Good question.

In order to answer that I think we first need to define the no contact rule.

The NC Rule (No Contact Rule) is a rule that states the following:

You are not allowed to call, text, email, Facebook or Google your ex for a specific period of time. If during that “period of time” you are contacted by your ex you are not allowed to respond. The no contact rule serves three main purposes. It gives both of you a “cool off period” to calm down from the breakup, it gives you the opportunity to improve yourself during the “cool off period” and it raises the chances that he will miss you.

Sounds simple, right?

WRONG!

The no contact rule is without a doubt the hardest strategy to complete on this site.

Hell, all you have to do is visit one of my “no contact rule” pages to see just how many women are struggling with it.

But you don’t care about that do you?

No, you care about the psychology behind why the no contact rule can make an ex boyfriend miss you, right?

Ok, lets tackle that right now.

Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder

I want you to ask me a question.

The question = Chris, what is the number one mistake you see people making after a breakup.

WOW, thanks for asking that amazing question 😉 .

The number one mistake that I see people making after a breakup is begging. They beg for their exes back. The become GNATS and just stick around.

I mean, put yourself in your ex boyfriends shoes for a second assuming that you were bugging the hell out of him after a breakup with you.

Would you find it attractive if someone you didn’t have feelings for anymore was bugging you every five seconds trying to convince you to do something you didn’t want to do?

Something tells me you wouldn’t.

Now, how does this play into making an ex miss you?

Easy, a man cannot miss that which he sees every day.

One of my favorite movies of all time is “The Count of Monte Cristo.”

I know it’s kind of a weird choice when there are way more epic movies out there but for some reason “The Count of Monte Cristo.”

What can I say… I dig revenge stories.

Truthfully, I watch the movie at least once a year and you know what causes me to watch it?

Something reminds me of it and then I think to myself,

“Man, that movie was so good I miss the feeling that it gave me. Maybe I should watch it.”

But I only have that thought because I haven’t seen it in a long time. Lets say that I watched it every day for a year. I can tell you right now that at that point it wouldn’t be my favorite movie anymore. No, it would probably end up being my most hated movie. It would become stale and I would grow sick of it.

By not giving your ex a chance to miss you, via the no contact rule, you are shooting yourself in the foot.

Remember, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

The No Contact Rule Makes You More Attractive (I Can Prove It)

Have you ever heard of the notion that “people want what they can’t have?”

People want “that” which they feel should belong to them. By taking something away from them (e.g. you make yourself unavailable by not communicating), the person will be motivated to pursue.

In the world of psychology, it’s called “Psychological Reactance”. This concept emerged from the work of the American psychologist, Jack Brehm in 1966.
“Brehm argues that individuals have a set of “free behaviors” that they believe they can engage in at present or some time in the future. Behavioral freedoms vary in importance, with some being highly important because they deal with critical survival. Stephen Worchel (2004) suggested that these freedoms help define the individual’s self-identity. A threat or elimination of freedom results in an increase of attractiveness of the forbidden act and the motivation to engage in that behavior.” http://www.encyclopedia.com/doc/1G2-3045302191.html In really simple terms, when you implement the No Contact Strategy, it’s like you are secretly saying, “You can’t have me. You can’t talk to me. I am depriving you of your freedom to be with me”.

With psychological reactance in play, your Ex is secretly thinking, “I want what you say I can’t have. It should belong to me and is part of me, so I will pursue it”

Ah, and that leads the way to another little hypothesis that I have.

According to psychological reactance your ex is going to want what he can’t have. We have already established that. But lets take a trip to fantasy land (your favorite place in the world) and say that you successfully get your ex back.

I have this theory that the harder you make it for him to get you back the more he will appreciate you when he has you.

My buddies first car is an example.

I had a friend who wanted a car more than anything when he was 16 years old. So, he spent an entire summer mowing peoples yards to get money to buy this beat up chevy truck that kind of looked like this,

Pretty crappy, right?

Here’s the thing.

He treated that car so good and he loved it more than anything. Hell, even now he reminisces about it. But I doubt he would have treated it so well if it had just been gifted to him.

In fact, there was one time that I asked him flat out,

“Why do you like this truck so much?”

His response was simple…

“Because I had to work so hard to get it. Dude, you have no idea how hard it was to scrounge up the money to buy this thing.”

So, here is my theory when it comes to you and your ex.

The harder you make it for him to get you back the more he is going to appreciate you once he gets you back. After all, I doubt you are in this to get your ex back and break up again, right? No, you want a relationship that is going to last.

And the no contact rule can provide that difficulty for him to succeed in getting you back.

PART TWO: Social Media Game

(For more in-depth information on how to use social media to get your ex back check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

And now we move on to our second part of the strategy, social media,

Now, if you are confused as to what this is let me give you a quick history of social media.

Since the internet started… (No just kidding. I wouldn’t bore you to death with that.)

Look, here’s the deal.

Social media is an excellent way to make your ex miss you.

How?

Well, above I established that close to 90% of exes “creep” on Facebook. In other words, the probability that your ex boyfriend is going to peek at your profile at some point post breakup is high.

So, why not prepare for that moment?

Why not pimp out your profile to be everything that he finds attractive in a woman.

How To Make Your Social Media Profile Perfect

I want to tell you a funny story that happened to my wife yesterday.

So, if you don’t know my wife she is in charge of our YouTube channel and our marketing experts. In other words, if we want to get featured anywhere popular she is in charge of making that happen.

Well, one day she decided that we should be featured on “Ted Talks” so she started trying to network with some of the people over at “Ted Talks” and she managed to locate one of the person’s Facebook profiles.

So, rather than asking me to reach out directly she decided that since this person was a man it would be better if she reached out since she knows she is a very beautiful woman.

There was just one problem.

This was her Facebook profile picture,

Now, I don’t know about you but that’s not going to make any man fall over himself. Well, except maybe me (that’s my daughter.) My wife, of course, knew this so she decided to change the picture to something really sexy like this,

That’s my wife in a model shoot for some clothing company named Ella’s Grove.

Anyways, what do you think happened to her after she changed her profile picture on Facebook from our child to a sexy looking picture of her.

All the men went wild (myself included.)

She was getting comments like,

Ok, first off… what the fu*k?

Looks like I have to beat some people up.

COME SEBASTIAN!

We have some work to do!

No I am just kidding…

Please don’t take that seriously.

The point of telling you this story was to show you how powerful a picture can be. You can potentially make your ex boyfriend one of those men and show him what he is missing out on by posting strategic pictures on your social media profiles.

So, here is what I am going to do.

I am going to teach you my two best methods for catching a mans attention via social media.

1. The Profile Picture Change
2. The “Fun” Picture

Lets start with the profile picture change.

The Profile Picture Change

This is what my wife did and indirectly got all that attention from men.

Now, I am going to pick on myself a bit here.

Before I met my wife I heavily relied on good looks to attract attention. In other words, any picture I posted to Facebook looked like this,

Now, even though this picture isn’t bad it isn’t earth shatteringly amazing which is what I should be going for.

And then I met my wife….

The woman who forced me to get professional pictures done.

Like this,

Do you see the difference.

This is the kind of picture that I want you to be posting to your social media profile as your profile picture. Here is my general rule of thumb, any picture that makes you look like you belong in a magazine is definitely the one you should have as your profile picture.

So, I guess what I am saying is that you should hire a professional photographer to take your picture. Now, for those of you who don’t want to step outside the comfort zone and hire a photographer I have one piece of advice to you.

Often times it’s the things that make us step outside our comfort zone that yield the best results.

The “Fun” Picture

I have a question for you.

What do you think your ex boyfriend expecting you to do after the breakup?

He’s expecting you to mope around and be depressed.

Don’t believe me?

I remember an early breakup of mine where this is exactly what I thought.

“God I hope she is suffering.”

Pretty mean, right?

But when I would spy on her Facebook profile and see that she wasn’t depressed it would drive me nuts. I want this exact thing to unfold for you when your ex boyfriend snoops around your profile.

So, how can you accomplish this?

Easy, post pictures of yourself out having fun.

Here is a great example. Look at the picture below,

These girls like they are having fun. This is the kind of picture you want to post.

Because here is what he is going to think when he sees it,

“Wait, why is she out having fun? Why isn’t she sitting at home eating ice cream like I thought?”

Once you get him thinking that this thought is right around the corner,

“I’m kind of jealous…”

And as I am going to establish later in this guide jealousy can lead to a man missing you.

PART THREE: The Frank Sinatra Effect

(For more in-depth information on The Frank Sinatra Effect check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

One of my favorite quotes of all time comes from a man by the name of Frank Sinatra.

“The best revenge in life is massive success.”

Now, what does that have to do with making an ex boyfriend miss you?

Good question.

In order for me to answer it I first need to tell you a story. To me, teaching people to get back with their exes is my passion and in order for me to give people advice I need to understand the trends.

What works and what doesn’t work.

So, that’s why I am always keeping an eye on your comments and questions to me. But the one thing that warms my heart more than anything are the success stories!

Not just because I helped people get back together but I can learn so much from them.

Anyways, one trend that I began to notice with a lot of my success stories was the fact that the women who ended up succeeding were actually completely moved on from the break up and living successful lives.

It’s sort of like it was at this point that their ex finally woke up and saw their worth.

Hell, I even did an entire podcast about this phenomenon here.

Anyways, I kept seeing this phenomenon pop up again and again so when I did an audit of my success stories last month I learned that a lot of women who had actually completely moved on from their exes were able to get him back.

It sounds counter intuitive, right?

But maybe not.

Lets turn our attention back to psychological reactance.

By moving on from an ex boyfriend completely you are indirectly saying to him,

“You cannot have me. You have lost the freedom to have me.”

Which of course as you know, will only make him want you more.

And that’s where the Frank Sinatra effect comes into play.

I want you to “move on” without moving on if that makes any sense. I want you to live an incredible life outside of your relationship with your ex.

Here are a few of my best tips for doing this.

Specific Things You Can Do To Make Him Miss You During The Frank Sinatra Effect

In this section we are going to look at a number of things that you can specifically do to make him miss you while in the midst of the Frank Sinatra Effect. I absolutely love this because these are things that are in your control.

When it comes to getting your ex boyfriend back you have to accept the fact that there are a certain amount of factors that are completely out of your control. However, when it comes to making him miss you there are a lot of things you can do that will improve your chances. Buckle up because this may get long.

Tactic 1- Get In Shape

There is nothing that can catch a mans eye like a woman who has taken care of her body. Now, I am not saying that you are fat or out of shape. I am saying that this tactic (getting in shape) will be beneficial to you in not only making your ex boyfriend miss you but it will be beneficial in helping you with future relationships (if you have them.) How effective is this tactic? Let me tell you a story. There was a girl who had a crush on me in college. Like a fool, I didn’t do anything about it because like a typical guy I wanted the girls that I couldn’t get. Anyways, this girl had a very pretty face but I am not afraid to say that she was a little… chubby and for me it took away from her looks.

Pretty shallow I know…

Well, about a year and a half later I happened to run into her. Actually, I walked right past her because I didn’t recognize her. She had lost about 35lbs and looked amazing. In my absence this mediocre looking girl had turned into a beautiful goddess. Anyways, I was walking with my buddy when she yelled my name and we started talking. After we were done talking we went our separate ways and I remember my buddy going,

“Dude she is sooo HOT why did you let that one slip through your fingers?”

I explained that she didn’t look like that back when I knew her but now that I saw this new and improved version I wanted her immediately.

So, I did everything I could to try to go on a date with her which was relatively easy because she liked me (or so I thought.)

Anyways, we set up a relatively simple date to go on at a restaurant. The plan was that we were going to meet there and we would probably go for a walk after that. There was just one problem.

She never showed up.

During the day of the date I had reached out to her to ask if we were still on (BIG MISTAKE) and got no response…. the hours inched closer to kickoff and I still hadn’t heard from her. I was starting to get worried so like an insecure guy I reached out to her again,

“Hey, are we on for tonight?”

No response..

It was starting to become clear that I was going to get stood up if I went to the restaurant but I figured I would give it one more try.

“Are you there?”

Again no response…

She didn’t want to go on a date with me.

Ironic, huh?

Karma I guess!

Tactic 2- Repeat After Me: I Do Not Care About Him

This tactic is more of a mindset that you need to have. During your no contact period (which is when you should probably be in the Frank Sinatra mindset) make sure you don’t focus on your ex too much.

Just focus on the most important thing, you.

If you were to ask me what I thought one of the biggest mistakes that I see women engaging in are I would definitely have to say that becoming to obsessed with their ex is at the top of the list.

In order to truly “move on, without moving on” you can’t be too worried about what your ex is doing. You need to be worrying about what you are doing.

I haven’t talked a lot about this yet because maybe I am trying to save something for my book. but maybe I think it’s too good to leave out.

If you really want to make the most of the Frank Sinatra effect I am going to teach you an amazing strategy. Well, perhaps strategy isn’t the right word to explain this. No, I would say this is more of a philosophy.

I like to call it…

“The Holy Trinity”

(Oh, and this is not biblical at all I promise.)

You can divide the most important aspects of your life into three categories,

  1. Health
  2. Wealth
  3. Relationships

I don’t have to explain what is comprised of the categories, do I?

Well, I will tell you what, I am just going to leave my book for that.

Basically if you want to utilize the Frank Sinatra effect to the fullest I recommend that you try to maximize these three areas of your life.

You will notice that in the graphic above there is an intersection of the three.

The intersection where all three meet.

Hmm…

Perhaps it’s better if I pointed to it for you,

What you are trying to do here is find a perfect balance between your health, wealth and relationships. By doing so you will jump up in attractiveness to your ex.

Trust me when I say that the “missing thing” will fall into place if you do this. It is important to remember that the two of you broke up and while you may want him back you need to understand that rome was not built in a day and you won’t get him back in a day. So, sit back and work on the holy trinity for a while.

Tactic 3- Social Life

You have two choices when it comes to breaking up with your ex. You can either

A. Let the breakup own you.

or

B. Own the breakup.

I am a guy and let me tell you that I do not find it attractive when someone, who after a breakup, sits on the couch all day and eats ice cream. In fact, that is what I expect pretty much every girl to do after a breakup. About five years ago when I broke up with my girlfriend at the time the exact thought I had was “I bet she is sitting on the couch right now crying and eating ice cream.”

Here is the kicker though, a few days later when I logged on Facebook I found that she wasn’t quite as devastated as I thought. She had posted pictures of her having fun with friends and basically having a really fun social life. While I didn’t immediately think “man, I miss her” it set me up for thinking it. Her active social life made me realize what I was missing out on and made me a little jealous and angry that she wasn’t as devastated.

PART FOUR: Jealousy Tactics

(For more in-depth information on how to use jealousy to get your ex boyfriend back check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

A lot of experts will tell you to not try to make your ex jealous. I will admit that I don’t necessarily agree with them on that. If you have a chance to bring up some deep inner feelings within him then I say go for it. Of course, if you are going to use jealousy on your ex boyfriend it has to be done a specific way.

It probably won’t go over too well if he checks on your Facebook profile and sees you making out with three different guys. No, using jealousy is an art. It has to be done subtly but at the same time be obvious enough for him to pick up on it. Here are a few examples of how to properly use jealousy.

Example 1- Movie With A Male Friend

In this example I am going to show you a specific text message that is meant to make your ex a little jealous. Notice how in the example below you didn’t specify if your movie date was with a male or a female. You basically leave it up to your ex to assume if you went to see a romantic movie with a guy or a girl.

Example 2- Did I See You?

This one is a little riskier but you are almost guaranteed to make your ex a little jealous which will hopefully contribute to him missing you. In this text message you are basically saying that you mistook him for a “hot guy” at a bar (or any other place you can think of.) Again, this one is risky but the reward is definitely higher.

If you want to learn more about what you can text your ex boyfriend I recommend checking out “The Texting Bible.

Signs That Your Ex Boyfriend Misses You

I actually wrote a guide on how to tell if your ex boyfriend is still in love with you already but I thought I would give a quick recap here. After all, it might be important to figure out the signs that your ex misses you so you can determine if what you are doing is working. Below I am just going to give you a bullet point list so you can quickly reference the signs.

  • If he texts you
  • If he calls you
  • If he shows up at places you frequent in a non stalker way (if it is stalker like then that is just creepy)
  • If he has positive reactions when you see him in person.
  • If he keeps in touch with your family.

If something on this page or website confuses you do not be afraid to comment in our comments section below. Remember, your comment, as long as it is legitimate, will be made live and I will respond to you personally.

What Do You Think? (4,731)

  1. Hayley browning - 0

    Hayley browning

    Hi does this work for people who are narasist. My ex was diagnosed with narasist paranoid personality disorder. But you can’t help who you fall in love with right? He took everything thing from my love to my money. So why do I miss him? Because he could be so lovely because I was happy. He has moved on to someone else now after being apart for only two months. I haven’t moved on I’m still hurting. He left because he said he wasn’t good enough for me and that to me makes no sense. He said I used him as a door mat but in everything we did I worked right along beside him. He has blocked my mobile number and blocked me on face book. I was doing the no contact and I had stayed strong and didn’t contact him, I put up photos and statuses of me doing nice things etc he blocked me. I’m at a loss. I stood by him when he went thru therapy to get help for his NPD he left me the day I told him I found out my daughter has been diagnosed with a rumour he said he just could help me through as he couldn’t take anymore. He said he didn’t love me and had not for a while. I helped him get over his drinking problems. I just don’t understand what I did wrong. I miss him.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Hayley,

      you mean narcissism? if he really is narcissist, you have less chance and narcissists are actually good making somebody fall, so that means you’re a victim

  2. Charlotte - 0

    Charlotte

    Hi,

    I’m not sure if my scenario falls into this category but I would like some advise if you can please.

    I have been single for 2 years and up until recently have not really dated or I have been messed around by guys. About 3 months ago I swapped my gym for personal reasons and was spotted by an old friend who I hadn’t spoke to for years. We started chatting and got on really well and suddenly he got feelings for me, really intense feelings. We went out and did things together (cinema, food and walks) and often he would turn up at the gym to see me and spend time with me. It all got really intense for me and I felt like it was all going to fast so I told him he needed to slow things a little because it was going to fast and I was scared. He treat me like a princess, made me feel like the only girl in the world, made me feel like I was perfect in every way. This is something I have never experienced before. He constantly said things like ‘be mine’ or ‘I just want you’. To go from nothing to such an intense relationship was hard for me. So when I explained that we are seeing each other and I’d like to go a little slower and see how things go it got bad. We argued and made up but even when we had made up he would use it against me saying things like ‘oh. I can’t touch you it would be too clingy’ and ‘I can’t text you today you might think it’s too much’ or he would go the opposite way and say ‘so when can I meet your dad’. It felt even more like he was pressuring me into it. After a week of these ups and downs he finally snapped and told me it’s now or never. But from my point of you I could never have said yes at this point because he would have forced me into it. So we argued we left the conversation and then the next day I rang him to make up, but he was angry and had completed flipped on me. He refused to forgive me, he said he didn’t care about me and other horrible things that you say when you are mad. I went to his to make it up, he wouldn’t come and see me. He told me it was over for good. We didn’t speak for 2 days after that and then I went to my normal gym at my normal time. Now before we started seein each other he used to go to a gym more local to him during the day and didn’t always come to the one I go to as its further and more awkward for him to get to. But the other day when I turned up at my gym at my usual time after work. He turned up and as soon as he saw me he smiled, came over to me and talked to me. Told me confusing things like ‘I hate to see you cry’ and ‘I would do that but we aren’t together’ and ‘you had me when you sent that message’ but then as I went to leave he ignored my tap on the shoulder to say bye. This left me distraught again, so I messaged him and we spoke and it was civil. He replied almost straight away each time. Me being so upset and a mess could not face going to the gym again and needed some comfort from my friend. so we went for some food. Next thing I know, after not messaging me first for days and days on end, he pops up ‘you weren’t at the gym, lazy’ he was obviously at my gym at the same time I always go.. Again. What does this mean.

    I feel bad that I have hurt him but he has hurt me so much through all of this too. I feel I made a mistake by not giving him a chance but past relationships and heartbreak makes me cautious and it felt like everything was so intense so quickly. I know I care about him, that has been shown through how upset this whole situation has made me. I really don’t know what to do, does he want this to work? Every time I speak to him over message he says he won’t forgive me nothin will happen but he keeps turning up where I go at the right time. What should I do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Charlotte,

      do you want to try to do no contact so that you both can have a breather?

  3. Carey - 0

    Carey

    Hi! All of my previous conversation with Amor are no longer here. I need a bit more advice if you are willing to help.

    Brief synopsis… My ex is/was my best friend and he started showing more interest in seeing me after we split. I did NC for 2 weeks and then saw him briefly, but after seeing him, he got all weird again and “friend-zoned” me.

    Per Amor, I told him that being friends wasn’t working for me and I needed time. At that point, he said, “Take your time.” That was 9 days ago.

    Since then, I have restarted my Facebook account, met with a college adviser to pursue another degree AND my Master’s, posted pics of myself and friends of mine from a band (all male), continued to lose weight and work on my fitness routine (encouraged by my ex). I am working on becoming the ungettable girl even though he isn’t aware if it yet as he has no social media, but checks through his Mom’s account off and on.

    Now, to complicate things, I honestly don’t think he will attempt to contact me during this time due to the amount of respect we have for one another. He has a seriously demanding job and even mentioned when he put me in the friend zone that he felt smothered by his life. In fact, his said his “life is a circus. And sad.” He recently divorced and is not only performing his job, but also raising his two daughters with little help from their Mom. He said in that conversation that he felt like he couldn’t offer what a relationship needs. He never asked me and I felt like I never pressured him or demanded anything from him. Trust me, I’m raising two kids alone and don’t have a ton of free time.

    We live 4 hours away from each other- same state, just very different ends. We were friends while we were both married to other people and found each other again after our marriages failed. Both of us came from extremely emotionally abusive relationships where silence was often used as a weapon. Now, that being said, I DID tell him that I needed some time instead of just up and ignoring him. Are there any statistics that show if the NC is detrimental in these situations? I just worry that I went NC with him when a day before he had mentioned that his life was a sad circus and he will feel that I abandoned him.

    Thank you for your help!

    Reply
    • Carey - 0

      Carey

      Lo and behold, on day 11 of NC, HE TEXTED ME TWICE!!! I haven’t replied (so proud of myself for that).

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Carey,

      sorry for the late reply.. that’s good.. you’ve told him that you needed space and the fact that he texted you means he understood that you’re not abandoning him

  4. KCee - 0

    KCee

    Hi, on another note, I left a recorded message on your site, hopefully for submittal and feedback. For me the confusing part is how I would know whether you include it in a podcast. Do you let me know via my email address?

    Reply
  5. KCee - 0

    KCee

    Hi, the link you posted to get to our lost messages takes us to a different guide, not this one. Thus our messages are not there. Can you recheck the link to take us to this guide “How to make your boyfriend miss you” with the August posts? Thank you.

    Reply
  6. Confused - 0

    Confused

    Hi, I’m in need of someone (anyone’s) opinion. My ex and I have been broken up for three months now. I can honestly say I’ve worked hard and became the best version of myself since, I’m so happy and comfortable being me now like he always said I could be. We did the NC for 30 and then had some good conversation for a little. After under two months of being broken up he started seeing another girl but we talked for three days around the same time as the new girl entered the picture (I didn’t know he was dating when I found out I stopped messages). After another 30 days NC he has started liking all of my Instagram posts and even messaged me yesterday in regards to one of my snapchats (which he has consistently viewed within an hour since breaking up). I have this sincere feeling he and I aren’t done, but I’ve been trying to distance myself since he started dating someone but it seems like he is always right there lingering. So what is he doing? Does he miss me or something? Should I continue to give him his space? He’s confusing me…

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Confused,

      well at leas you’ve conveyed that you’re not going to stay of there’s another girl and I think that raised your value in his eyes

  7. KCee - 0

    KCee

    Hello, I have submitted a few comments over the past several days and received replies from you. This morning I submitted another for clarification of some things. The whole comment portion of this page disappeared and now, although it’s back the comments are all from July thus none of mine are included. I wanted to be able to reference them and I was awaiting response to my last one. Can you let me know how I can restore these or have them sent to me?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 2

      Chris Seiter

      We updated our website and there were a few issues with it. It should be all fixed now.

      If you want to see older comments you probably need to click on the button that says older comments.

    • KCee - 0

      KCee

      No, they’re newer comments from August that are all missing. 🙁

    • J - 0

      J

      Site looks awesome! However, I’m actually having this exact problem. All of the “newest” comments are from July but my thread with Amor and new comment are from August. They’re all gone :/

    • Chris Seiter - 2
    • J - 0

      J

      Thanks Chris but the thread I’m looking for was after that and was posted to the “Male Mind During NC” article. It’s ok tho. The question I was asking was about my social media usage. I’m on day 13 and he’s been watching ALL of my snapchat stories for the past 10 days (good sign, right?), and he’s never normally on social media much. It was easy for me to appear busy since i had plans every day leading up to my 21 bday which just passed (he did contact me that day. I stayed strong and silent), so he’s seen me having fun. I was wondering if this would make him not want/need to reach out during NC, since he can see what I’ve been up to? Also wondering if I should slow up with SM posts to trigger his curiousity a little more? Thanks again 🙂

  8. Fontanamota - 0

    Fontanamota

    Hi, i was with my ex boyfriend for 2.5 years. We fought, not too much, but fights used to get really bad. In the end he said he had waited 2.5 years for me to “change” even though the fights had calmed down and he was the one to initiate most of them, then once I cant get through to him, I see red and the fights aggravate. Whatever the fight we always made up almost instantly. And talked normally and understood each other right after. We moved in together for a month a half before he broke it off. We also had gotten a puppy 2 weeks prior the break up and i felt it was taking up a lot of my time and the night before we broke up i asked him to try help with the dog a bit more, since im studying. Also, that he shouldnt say he leaves me during a fight. ( please note a week before this he said he was “at his limit” but didnt want to leave me). Anyways other reasons he gave for leaving were that i was never ready for any of this (please note we were currently looking for our own house to live in for around two weeks). He didnt even want to look at me while i tried talking to him, he left the house and said he’d be back later but he didnt show up for two hours so I left the house with the puppy. He went to get his things that night and i went the day after to pack my things. He left all our pictures and a card i had written him for our anniversary. After cleaning up I left the house and he said he would deal with the landlord. He sent me a text saying thank you for the years we spent together and that good memories but he couldnt commit fully to me and us and that now hes made the decision, nothing will change my mind. He kept insisting i’m an awesome person and a good person and that he doesnt want to be strangers. I replied to this saying i always saw the good things thats why i stuck and that i will move on like i’ve done before. He later called saying I left a mess and how I dont know how to clean. Very angry. I tried to keep my cool and said i have my priorities now since he decided to leave high and dry. Now he likes my pictures on social media, he texted my mother thanking her for all she did with us and taht he didnt want to hurt us and that he will never forget what she did with us. Now he’s adding other women and liking other pictures. I saw him last weekend but turned my head before i could see if he saw me too. I dont know how to go about this anymore. Any advice?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi fontanamota

      it’s like you already started nc.. how long are you in it? You should do at least 30 days and then just focus in having a new routine and a new life.. establish that you have moved on before initiating contact with him

  9. Kathy - 0

    Kathy

    I met this wonderful man on a dating site 4 1/2 months ago. We hit it off from the start. Two weeks into it, he told me he loved me. After thinking about it, I reciprocated. He friended me on FB at the beginning of the relationship. One morning, I was going through his wall and noticed posts from what appeared to be his wife, and there were wedding photos of the 2 of them on her page. I confronted him about this. Turns out, they were separated for 3 months and he had filed for a divorce. We talked about it and my concern about being the rebound. I chose to stay with him because we had real chemistry. The main thing that bothered me about our relationship was that he wouldn’t tell his family about me or even that he was dating because the divorce was not final and he didn’t want them to say it was too soon for him to be in another serious relationship. We discussed it frequently. I felt that we were living a lie and it really bothered me. As expected, he did begin to change during our relationship and it did appear that this was a typical rebound. He still told me he loved me, but I could feel him pulling away. I initiated the break up and he agreed. We didn’t argue about it. Two days later, he asked if he could pick up his stuff, which I agreed. I had most of his things packed when he arrived. We talked a little about the break up. He said that I’m really nice and that we were just not in the same place, which I agree. We had some more light conversation. I had bought him a picture frame and put a pic of us in it to give to him when he closed on his new condo. I put a pic of him and his son kayaking over top of ours, and put it in the bag of his stuff. I told him about it before he left. When he left he said good bye, waved and smiled as he drove away. He texted me shortly after, thanking me for the Gift and that he loved it. I have had NC with him since then except for stalking his FB page. I noticed that he has been constantly on FB too, hopefully checking out my wall. It’s been 11 days since the break up and 9 days since he picked up his stuff. I lost some weight in that short period of time and posted a smoking hot pick on my FB page. I was checking into various locations on FB so that he could see that I was out doing things. The thing is, I don’t normally post a lot, so I did eventually delete them because it didn’t feel natural. I truly believe that if we had met much later after his divorce, that we would have lasted. I’ll continue to do NC, but had actually wanted to send him a funny little text at day 21 regarding something that will happen that day that we are both privy to, not really expecting much to come of it except that maybe he’ll get a laugh from it. He was back on the dating site the same day we broke up and is still on it. I know I need to let him get the post divorce stuff out of his system if we are ever going to have a chance. My questions are, 1) Is it a bad idea to send him the text at day 21? 2) How long will it take for him to really be ready to move on from his divorce? He was married 4 years. 3) Is 30 days NC long enough in this situation? I was thinking that I might just like one of his FB posts at this point instead of texting, just to see what happens.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi kathy

      if you are going to do 30 days nc, that means you can’t text or like any of his posts in it and you should refrain from checking his account too.. focus in improving yourself.. after 30 days, continue those activities while rebuilding rapport with him.. if you want to like his posts first after nc that’s ok

  10. anonymous - 0

    anonymous

    So… I made it through no contact and successfully had my first re-entry… actually thanked him because aside from losing him, this breakup has done great things for me. and He gave me a positive response. But now I don’t know what to do. He does have a rebound and isn’t much of a texter… so I’m scared to try anything chatty … help! He’s also very duty-bound and will most likely feel very bad texting me while with someone else … even if “it’s not like anything we had”…

    Reply
    • anonymous - 0

      anonymous

      he was also very adamant about if we ever get back together, he has to pursue me, and I don’t want to push him away.

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      well that’s good that he wants to pursue if ever, because that’s how it should be… right now, it’s better if you take it slow.. if you text one time a day, like only during lunches that’s ok, as long as you had a good talk

  11. Felicity - 0

    Felicity

    He just decided the distance was too hard and he couldn’t do it anymore although we were talking about getting married and stuff. No contact is easy for me since I unfriended him on facebook but these rules are very generic and don’t really apply to people who are in a ldr. I mean Idk what to do once it goes past the one month of no contact and it’s already like we’re both out of each other’s minds anyway since we’re so far apart from each other.

    Reply
  12. Enisa - 0

    Enisa

    My ex boyfriend broke up with me because he felt problems we were working on weren’t being solved. We live together and have 2 small children together. I want our family to be together and for us to work it out. What do I do?!

    Reply
  13. Hannah - 0

    Hannah

    I was wondering how you can go about the no contact rule if you still live under the same roof as your ex? We have separate bedrooms that we use but still see each other at least once a day since we use the same kitchen, living room, etc. We also live with another couple and all of us are in our 20s (hence having roommates to split costs). Any advice would be so appreciated!

    Reply
  14. Sam - 0

    Sam

    This makes a lot of sense and I really hope it works out. My boyfriend of 6 1/2 years broke up with me on the 1st. The break up was completely out of the blue. The same week he told me how much he loved me and how he could never lose me.

    A little background: We’ve been dating since freshman yr of high school. After graduation, he stayed home and I went away to school (about 3 hrs). We have broken up mainly one other time (for about a month) and twice because of drunken problems (resolved during the next day). He recently started a new job back in October and has met a lot of new friends and became very close to them. I started an internship at the beginning of the summer. Our schedules caused us to have a hard time seeing each other.

    I have broken the no contact rule, and so has he already. Of course I started out begging and constantly texting and calling him. After I stopped, two days later he sent me a text telling me I deserved a better “explanation.” Two days after that, I texted him telling him to stay safe (due to some issues in our community.) I texted him the next day during a break down begging him. Then the day after that, a friend convinced me to ask him to meet up with me so I get that “better explanation.” He agreed and I did’t contact him until I saw him on the 14th. He told me he will always love me and will always care for me. He also said that if we get back together, we are getting married. And he may be able to call this cold feet but he was unsure. He said that he has had a thought taking over his mind the last couple months that he needs to see “what else is out there.” He told me that this thought has caused him to feel that he loves me, just not in love with me. I felt a deep connection with him up until the break up and the night I met up with him. I was so shocked by this. We are young (21) and we have not dated other people (I know, I know, “there’s plenty of fish in the sea”). At the end of the night I started to cry and accidentally beg him again. All he did was hold me and hug me and say that I am a strong woman and don’t wait for me. But I want to wait for him. I am so confused at what is going on. He lost a family member and a close family friend at the beginning of the summer. He also told me (when we met) that he’s been drinking a lot more and hasn’t been thinking straight. I’m worried about him. He told me he would meet me before I return back to school, I would just have to let him know when I planned on going back. At first I couldn’t wait to meet up with him again, but now I think that I shouldn’t even tell him that I am returning to school. It makes me hope that he will realize how he was looking forward to seeing me and when he realizes that I left he will begin to miss me and think about getting back with me. If he texts me during this time, I plan to not respond.

    What are your thoughts on the situation?

    Reply
    • Sam - 0

      Sam

      Sorry one more thing… He told me he is still completely attracted to me. The subject of me going home with him for the night came up. He refused to take me home. He said that if he didn’t care about me or didn’t love me, he would take me home in a heart beat. He said he loves me too much and cares for me too much to do that to me. He needs his own time and space.

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sam,

      you said you broke nc? restart it..if he needs space then nc is the better step to take

  15. FIRST LOVE SOS PART 5 - 0

    FIRST LOVE SOS PART 5

    I screwed up NC… I kinda cracked & ended up having a light conversation with him, it was pretty quick & I was the one who ended it first, there didn’t seem to be any bad tension… I guess I decided to do it because I really missed talking to him & it was hurting, we didn’t talk about anything relationship related or our issues.. I felt that I did it because when I first initiated it, I knew that even if he wanted to message me he wouldn’t because he wanted to respect my space & he knew that I’d probably get angry with him if he did, now.. I’m assuming he’s going to think it’s okay to message me like I messaged him?? & he’ll probably still try to make plans to meet up after getting back home from my 3 month trip in only a little over a week?? 🙁 what do I do now?? Did I completely screw up?? I have to restart the NC 30 day rule again but I’m scared that it won’t help…?? What if he’s already moving on…. Please help :-((

    Reply
    • FIRST LOVE SOS PART 6 - 0

      FIRST LOVE SOS PART 6

      Sorry for so many updates but the situation keeps changing, so I did tell you yesterday I cracked & we had a light conversation that went well & I was even the one to end it but I did this before completing NC so I would have to probably start over again right?? Or now is there no use…? My update now is that he actually messaged me right now as we speak, he just dropped a message asking if I was busy but I didn’t open it & am ignoring it for now?? I feel like he’s going to try talking to me about seeing me when I get back from my trip since I’ll be back in around a week?? So yeah, I haven’t done anything or replied to him, what do you think is the best route to do so that I may still have a chance to fix things & make sure he doesn’t y’know just lose interest & move on…?

    • FIRST LOVE SOS PART 7 - 0

      FIRST LOVE SOS PART 7

      I’m going to drop this message here as well because it’s the most recent one, this is his reply to when my friend was talking to him right before he messaged me today because maybe you can make something out of it..? I mean, he seems so set on his decision but he does think of only good & stuff when he associates me…?

      “I like to think I really do know how amazing she is and I can say without a doubt that the year and a half she gave me is worth everything I had and will experience she is honestly just a blessing of a person even to simply be around. She was the reason I don’t regret moving despite everything she lit up so much and that’s something that I’ll never forget no matter what. I’ve killed my head racking my brain about all this but I was blind to realize that it’s as simple as she’s a star shaped piece and I’m just a square shaped hole. There isn’t anything wrong ep with either one but I need to look at it that forcing one another will lead to stress and break and when I finally realized that my world just went down. I think my decision really is the best right now and it sucks how hard it is to get people to see my perspective but I will keep trying. I left in the sense of the future but everything that happened will always be there no matter what because she will always have a special place in my world. I really think did my best and I know people just saw/see me a lot as a hopeless boyfriend but I think I did good too I think for that time I devoted so much and I don’t regret a single one I tried to be the best I could be and in the end if all that did stick with others was that I disappointed her a lot till the very end then that’s just sad. she is an absolutely amazing and wonderful person but I don’t think she chose me in the first place because she saw something in me but rather that I’ve shown that I’m a person capable of giving her happy times and I really wish to believe I did do that. I’m sorry if that was preachy if at all. I want to see her I’m going to see her when she comes I’m counting the days”

      I got happy when he said he wanted to see me but I’m scared because I know it’s only because he wants to say goodbye.. Is there something I can do right now about my situation to make things more in my favor & maybe somehow be able to make him change his mind…?

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      first, you have to understand that he already made a decision.. meaning he’s already moving on.. he’s not meeting up with you to try again..as you said, it’s just goodbye..

      the best option is to really just restart nc and complete it but focus in having your own life and improving yourself.. if you don’t have personal growth, if he doesn’t see you as an ungettable girl, your chances of getting him back will remain low

  16. Taylor - 0

    Taylor

    I came to this sight maybe 6 months ago and decided to do NC, I made it 12 days before giving in and talking to my ex! However everything was going good, so I thought until yesterday when he told me he needed to figure things out in his life in order to progress.. You see we met about a month after divorcing and have been together a year and a half now. I’m wondering if we rushed into things and perhaps this was just a rebound for him. He says he doesn’t want to lose me and he isn’t 100% sure if he is making the right choice my breaking up with me. Do you think it’s best to start NC again? Or is it just a lost cause

    Reply
    • Taylor - 0

      Taylor

      He is already texting me saying he misses me! I decided to start NC yesterday so no reply…

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Taylor,

      I think you should really give him space.. complete nc this time so he doesn’t go back and forth and that you have a restart

  17. T - 0

    T

    So my bf of 10 months broke up with me immediately after a trip we took together to a wedding where he was best man. After 3 days around people i didn’t know I started to get overwhelmed and blew out of proportion something one of his friends said to me, which got me upset. I completely shut down. I owned it, but he was still really angry, and told me he didn’t want to work on us. This was our first fight, and to me, seemed pretty normal. But a couple days later he asked for my key to the apartment and told me he never wanted to see me again. We co-locate, as we work in different cities, and I live with him while not in my city for work, which was every week… So this ended up making this long distance. He’d initially, during the break up, wanted me to get my things out of the apartment but then changed his mind before I could (the next day). That was 2months ago and my things are still there–we haven’t even sorted things we shared. I saw him in person at a coffee shop a month ago where I just thanked him for all of the best parts of our relationship. I didn’t beg for him back, but I told him I really didn’t want it to be over between us, and hoped that in time we could talk. He seemed really engaged and even made inside jokes, but told me he couldn’t get over the events of the wedding weekend.

    There’s been no contact for a month this week, save for me liking something on his Instagram. I’ve taken care of myself, gotten back into the groove of being me, and feel better than I ever have… But he’s such a beautiful addition to my life, and we had the best relationship. I know that he’s had trouble being vulnerable and communicating how he feels (except the intense anger he had during the breakup) but I never questioned his love or commitment to me. The week before the breakup, we talked about kids and meeting family. We talked about moving in together and me changing my work around so I could live there full time. This was all so out of the blue… And weddings give off intense emotions.

    Clearly, I don’t want to break up, so I haven’t bothered to ask for all my stuff back. And NC is almost up. I’m just kind of freaked out about writing the right thing and re-establishing contact. Should I take his not returning my stuff (including the key to our apartment in my city) as a good sign? And since I’ve basically been doing me for this past month, is it normal to feel weird to re-engage? I mean, I do want him (more than I could express), but that anxiety is gone and I basically feel like I’m in a good place–just concerned that his reaction (or lack thereof) may get me all anxious again. I feel like I’m fumbling.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi T,

      if he was joking when you bumped into each other that’s a good sign..it means there’s a chance that he is ready to talk..so,.just choose a topic that will look natural to talk about with him

    • T - 0

      T

      Thanks. Even though him joking and complimenting was over a month ago?

      Maybe I’m making this out to be harder than it is, but I felt so blindsided before…

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yep, even if it was a month before.. don’t think negatively because that will affect how you approach him

  18. Ginas - 0

    Ginas

    I think I may have come across as needy when I was worried about a guy I’ve just started seeing, he is in a bad place so I thought If I text him he would think someone cared for him and wouldn’t feel so alone now he has stopped talking to me without any explanation and I’m not 100% if it’s coz of me. I don’t want anything heavy or serious from him and I’ve tried to tell him this but now just feel I may have come across differently to how I wanted to is it possible to sort this out?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Ginas

      yes..just do no contact and be busy with yourself

  19. puspoo - 0

    puspoo

    Hello . I am puspoo . I broke up with my boyfriend recently . He cheated with me . He always flirt with other girls and he also proposed another girl when we are already in a relationship but I became too much weak on him . This is my 1st love and I really love him very much but when I feel that he is a cheater I broke up with him but he didn’t want to broke up .But he don’t tried too much . when I called him he will say like he loves me . He wants me like this but he didn’t call me . very often he called me one or two time . last few days ago I blocked him from everywhere . I can’t control my emotions anymore . inside I am literally dieing . but he hurt me . Still I want him . I was too involved with him . He don’t try to convince me properly . He just completed his duty to tell me he loves me. nothing much . What should I do ??

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hi Puspoo..
      start actively improving yourself.. I’m assuming you’re already in no contact..focus in improving yourself now and also in doing new things and meeting new people

  20. Sofie - 0

    Sofie

    Hi, we broke up 3 weeks ago and a week after the breakup he got a new girlfriend. i bought the book last Saturday night and was told that might be a rebound. But when i talked to my ex a week after they dated he told me he is gonna marry her and have baby with her. i was so crushed that i looked for help here because the engagment and wedding was planed before we broke up. Today i asked him and he said everything went awesome between them two and she is the one and she understand him way better bla bla bla……. i got more crushed…… it is stupid to ask him about that. Tomorrow i will begin the NC period and i will try my best to get him back, i know it might not work but i have nothing to regret if i tried. so can u please give me some comments up on my sitiuation?

    Reply
    • Sofie - 0

      Sofie

      oh wait a moment, he has no Facebook and i have already read the whole guide of EX BF recorvery Pro. i just want to know how seriously can it be, if he just met someone for 2 weeks and want to marry her? that statement of his really crashed me and make me want to give up…..

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sofie,

      he might have just said that to hurt you.. you still have to be active in facebook coz there’s a chance that he will still check it.. just keep the post as natural as possible..

  21. Zoe - 0

    Zoe

    Hi. This info is really helpful, makes sense, and I will definitely follow it…. here on out….
    The problem is I’ve already broken rule #1 – No contact rule. It has been a month since my break-up, and I contacted him once during week 2 and once this last week. Have I ruined my chances if I go back to no contact and follow your rules from now on?? I know I know., you aren’t a psychic.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Zoe

      not totally..but make up for it by really focusing in improving yourself and completing nc this time

  22. FIRST LOVE SOS PART 1 - 0

    FIRST LOVE SOS PART 1

    my boyfriend of a year & a half broke up with me around a week ago, he’s my first everything (literally) & I’ve been devastated, we had a pretty great relationship all around & both of us still think highly of each other & know we will never regret our time spent together, but while I’ve been away on a trip for almost three months & missing him so much, he broke up with me saying he lost affection for me which is why he can’t see himself putting effort into our relationship anymore… throughout our relationship, our fights were always brought up because our personalities clashed, although we had similar morals & values, it was really just personality/interest wise, a puzzle hole & piece that didn’t fit together.. there was never any problems about jealousy & such, we were loyal & trustworthy to each other, I know he didn’t leave me for another girl, he’s never been the stereotypical guy & was honestly always shy, sensitive, honest, but sweet. I’ve heard from mutual friends, he just kinda stays home & doesn’t bring himself out to be with friends, he just watched movies & plays games, etc at home ever since,

    two days after the breakup which was very half assed goodbyes, we tried to get closure on skype because as we speak I am still on my trip overseas, it set our hearts at ease for a bit, although we did say we still cared about each other & still wanted to be in each others’ lives, I later on realized I made the mistake when I agreed that even though we both needed space & time away from each other to feel comfortable again, we agreed we’d reply if the other one messaged & not block each other, just the day after that talk he left me a small message to say hi & to have a good day, even though I was happy to hear from him, I realized I was still being unfair to myself, I told him before he made his choice, that if he stood his ground to leave, I would stand my ground when I said he would never have me in his life as anything ever again, & I was going back on my word by keeping in contact cause he wouldn’t fully realize what he lost if I was still lingering around right?

    Reply
    • FIRST LOVE SOS PART 2 - 0

      FIRST LOVE SOS PART 2

      anyways, I called him the day after to tell him how I felt & he said that it was weird to call because we said we’d give each other space & time & I wasn’t doing that by calling, I realized then that what we thought we agreed on wasn’t the same, it seems he thought I agreed with space & time away from the issue but not actually from me & talking to me, wtf??? I thought that was selfish, anyways in the end, I told him again what the consequence was for this choice which is he is depriving himself from me for good, I’m scared I wasn’t able to be assertive enough for myself.. anyways he said he understood what I meant & where I was coming from & I said I needed space & time once again, he still wishes to meet up to give me a few gifts he bought me for when I come back which is around two weeks from now, I didn’t respond, I know now that he will no longer try to message me while using NC, because I called him out on it, he has told a friend that now he’s just waiting for a better time to talk to me again, have I already screwed up my chances to get him back?? if not, please tell me what I should do now to get him back!!! 🙁

    • FIRST LOVE SOS PART 3 - 0

      FIRST LOVE SOS PART 3

      part of me does want to see him but of course not for the same reason as him because all he wants is a physical goodbye while I still wanted that date he promised me, why should I let him get what he wants when he wont let me have what I want??? I know im not ready to face him, people kept giving me different scenarios, like scenario A, if he saw me again irl he would find affection for me & love me again, but scenario B is also a big possibility, he sees me & realizes he really has lost affection for me romantically already… I thought I was already firm with the decision that I made which was in the end, I just decided to never see him again & not initiate even meeting up at all when I got back because I think he still expects me to notify him.. but of course, im also depriving myself because I still want him in my life & to see him when I get back, please help asap I would appreciate it!!!!

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi First love,

      if he says that he lost attraction, then take this time for yourself to make him miss you.. don’t meet him after the vacation right away.. finish nc.. coz he probably thinks you will meet him
      take this time for yourself only.. he’s already moving on because he’s the one who decided to break up since he is losing attraction.. so come from a point that you are going to attract him back,not holding on to what’s left because as of right now, he’s made up his mind..he probably expects you to try to change his mind once again when you meet him..so do the opposite by completing no contact..

    • FIRST LOVE SOS PART 4 - 0

      FIRST LOVE SOS PART 4

      Again as of right now I guess I have initiated NC, but did I screw up by calling him out after he messaged me the next day after the breakup telling him that talking to me wasn’t okay & that I really needed space…?? It’s so frustrating cause although I’m working on myself I can’t help but ask mutuals how he’s doing & they say he hasn’t been doing much lately & doesn’t go out with them.. As of right now I’ve also noticed that every time I go online, he’s usually online but he probably notices when I get on & then gets off right away after!! Wtf?? I’m scared, if he asks to see me when I get back from my trip, idk what I should do since I shouldn’t be talking to him at all.. But I’m scared he will already move on & be two steps ahead of me.. Please help..

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi First love,

      if he says that he lost attraction, then take this time for yourself to make him miss you.. don’t meet him after the vacation right away.. finish nc.. coz he probably thinks you will meet him
      take this time for yourself only.. he’s already moving on because he’s the one who decided to break up since he is losing attraction.. so come from a point that you are going to attract him back,not holding on to what’s left because as of right now, he’s made up his mind..he probably expects you to try to change his mind once again when you meet him..so do the opposite by completing no contact..

  23. Kit - 0

    Kit

    Hi there,
    I was in a non serious relationship with a guy lets call him R, it was quite a brief relationship that I had intended to be just a bit of fun. However after spending more and more time together I realised how good we were together, we share a lot of the same interests, have a similar sense of humour and I was really happy with him. From the beginning we had established it was going to be non-serious, but we weren’t going to see other people. I guess it started to feel more and more like a proper relationship without the label of one. Everything was going pretty well until a couple days ago, you see I still keep in contact with my ex. We broke up coming up to a year ago but we remained friends because he helped me through a really difficult time. He has invited me to go and see him (it was long distance.) When I let R know he responded pretty strangely- he told me he was completely okay with it and if I wanted to be involved with my ex he didn’t mind. This struck me as pretty odd and I reassured him that it was entirely platonic and that it would make me uncomfortable if he was seeing other girls. he reassured me he didn’t want to see anyone else. But then he became quite off and cagey, finally he said he had changed his mind and that he felt like he didn’t want the commitment (he has spoken about it briefly before that he had been in a long relationship with his ex and the breakup had been hard) and would rather be free to see whoever and he didn’t think it would be a good idea to meet up anymore. This was a complete 180 degrees to what he had been acting like and saying before I mentioned the visit with my ex. Which makes me think he was beginning to really like me but is now scared he will get attached and it will just lead to another breakup. Or he was lying the whole time and genuinely just wants to sleep with a bunch of girls :/ but that doesn’t seem like him. Anyways I’ve been left feeling much much more upset then I thought, I’ve been really down, I’m not even excited to meet up with my ex. I really want R to realise he has let go of someone who could really respect him and treat him right, it doesn’t even have to be a super serious relationship. Is there nay advice you could give me on this, our last conversation was an argument and I haven’t replied to him becaue I feel he was being a little cruel. But I do miss him and want him back if possible.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi kit,

      does r know that you’re going to travel ling distance to meet up with your ex? did you tell him why? I think the only thing that can change his mind is if he sees you don’t have a relationship with your ex again

    • Kit - 0

      Kit

      Thanks Amor for getting back to me,
      R does know I will have to travel to see him, but I have told him many times that it is only to see him as a friend.
      Me going to see him wasn’t the problem he said was the cause of the breakup, but that is what seems to have made him act so differently. I don’t know if he is trying to prevent himself or me from getting hurt in the future. But I think I will stick to No contact, do you think that’s best?

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      though we can’t guarantee that no contact will get him back, it’s still the better option

  24. Alana - 0

    Alana

    I haven’t figured out whether we are meant for each other or not, I don’t know. But i do know I care about him so much and I just want him to reach out to me and I want us to be together. We have been on and off again for over a year but he withdrawels all the time and now, the last time we spoke through text was 2 months ago, when I expressed my feelings for him and he just told me I was crazy. So I told him after that my feelings for him dropped instantly (which wasn’t the case but I was caught up in the moment) and I saw him like 2 times after that in group format, I was chillin with other guys while he was there too and he teased me with that but didn’t do anything about it. I don’t know if he even loves me. Should I call him or just leave it up to him, because well he doesn’t take emotional responsibility and doesn’t even let me know where we stand and how he feels. Maybe I should just let him go because it has always been this way, me running after him like crazy, trying to break through this ego walls which he pulls up, I’m done but I miss him..

    Reply
  25. Catherine - 0

    Catherine

    I just realized that my ex unfollowed me instagram. Not facebook or snapchat though. I didn’t even post anything so he actively searched me and deleted. WTF does that mean?! I thought things were finally looking up.

    Reply
  26. Niki - 0

    Niki

    Hi,
    My boyfriend of 10 years broke up with me recently due to me cheating on him, it’s one of the biggest regrets of my life. I found out days after we broke up he started sleeping with a co-worker and now he is convicted he’s in love with her? Meanwhile, I’ve been trying to get him back the whole time. He would sleep with me and tell me he wants to be with me and do the same with her. I’ll admit I haven’t practiced the “no contact” method at all, I’ve actually gone girl crazy, calling texting etc… The other part of this is before we broke up I was to move away for 3 months for work and since I committed to that I did so. A week ago after this 3 month saga he decided he wanted to be with me. He was going to move here with me and find a job until we went back. Well he saw her the day before he left and is now convinced he’s in love with her, he’s currently trying to find a way back home as soon as possible, he hasn’t even been here 24 hours…Is it possible for him to be in love with someone he doesn’t even know? I know he loves me and wants to be with me but is afraid of things going back to the way they were. I’m at a loss I don’t know what I’m fighting for anymore but I do want to be with him despite everything he has put me through these past few months.

    Reply
  27. Kaitlyn Price - 0

    Kaitlyn Price

    So I may seem young but I know what love is I grew up in a house with strong love between my parents. I’m 18. But I have been with this guy for nearly three years, and very randomly he texted me saying that he wanted to focus on college and getting his life set up, because if he can’t provide the lifestyle he wants then he will always feel like a disappointment. The thing is his family is better off than mine, while I honestly don’t care about that, I think his family believes that’s what I’m after. I believe that if your with someone you love then you’ll be happy no matter what and that’s more important to me. He lives in Texas and I live in Colorado, so it’s a long distance relationship. His family won’t let him talk about me and they are always putting out relationship down. While my family loves him. I think the condemnation from his parents is pushing him to make a huge mistake. Both of our families are very religious and go to the same church, and I am sure that we were pretty much “a match made in heaven.” He even proposed and his parents convinced him to call the rings “promise rings” instead. So after a few days after he broke up with me he said he would talk to me yesterday and never did. So I have this huge broken heart and an empty feeling ring and don’t know what to do. Should I ask him what this all about or not talk him till he contacts me? He means everything to me and until a couple of days ago he said I did to him too.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi kaitlyn,

      I think they’re more concerned because 18 is too young to get married, and if you’re right that they think you’re after their money, then marrying un your teens won’t help with your reputation but if they’re open to call it promise then maybe they don’t think that way.. they just don’t want you two to rush things

    • Kaitlyn Price - 0

      Kaitlyn Price

      Well we weren’t planning on getting married till after college. Because he is going into the air force we were planning to get married before that but after college. His parents know that. But my question is if I should reach out to him and ask why he suddenly changed his mind, or if I should wait till he contacts me?

    • Kaitlyn Price - 0

      Kaitlyn Price

      Plus he’s the one who was all invested in the future, and now he said having the future planned out for him freaks him out. which is ridiculous because it was his plans and I had to change my life plans to work with his and I never put any pressure on him about the future. I don’t know he is my best friend, and I would do anything for him.

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      well that’s good…that can mean it’s more if them stopping him to rush things.. hmm..at least right now, you have less to worry about what they think.. focus in yourself and then once you talk again.. take it slow with him.. don’t ask him about the relationship.. heavy talk are better done in person and if not person, it should be when you’ve built much rapport and he’s in the best mood

    • Kaitlyn Price - 0

      Kaitlyn Price

      Thank you!:)

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      welcome!

  28. Nora - 0

    Nora

    hello, I recently broke up with my bf and i really really miss him alot, i guess you could say we were quite inseparable but unfortunately life got in the way. We see each other everyday and his friends tells me that he misses me but whenever he sees me, he looks mad and he completely ignores me and talks to some other girl, sometimes he looks my way to see if im looking. He’s been distant with his friends lately too. He usually walks with his group but now he just walks by himself, always looking sad. I feel really guilty, i just dont know what to say or do because he looks like he hates me yet he’s been telling his friends that he misses me and regrets letting me go. I really want to make things work again cause we’re both not coping very well and we really need each other this time. I know its selfish of me but i would hate it if he finally moved on and found some other girl. What do i do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi nora,

      why did you break up with him and do you want to do active nc?

  29. Cara - 0

    Cara

    Chris, Amor, and EBR team….
    I am so HAPPY right now…..you guys are amazing!! I followed Amor’s advice from the day before and sent my ex a text from having been in NC for too long, 3 months and the texting Convo went great!! ( I followed one of the sample texts) and he ended up asking me out!! I am soo happy ….it works, it really works!! THANK YOU CHRIS and EBR team!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      Chris Seiter

      I am so happy to hear this Cara!

      You made my day!

  30. Maya - 0

    Maya

    My ex should have no ill feelings towards me considering he is the one that wronged me in the relationship and him not being able to get over his guilt about kissing someone else is the reason we broke up in the first place. But I’m really nervous that the no contact will just make him forget about me and get over me. Is that a likely possibility?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      oh, I answered your first comment…it was an accident but what’s more importaant is if you’re actively improving yourself because if not you should restart count

  31. Lauren - 0

    Lauren

    Hi Chris,

    I’d really like your advice.

    My boyfriend and I were together for around 10 months – he was the kind who I didn’t want to push for more and thought everything would come in time if I was patient with him.

    Recently a few of his friends have started settling down – getting engaged, having babies ect.

    I then found out that I was pregnant but I knew instantly we weren’t ready and made an appointment for an abortion.

    I wasn’t going to tell him because he doesn’t like ‘drama’ or stress.. He likes an ‘easy life’. But I couldn’t cope with it on my own and needed to tell him for support reasons. I told him yesterday morning and last night he ended things with me. He said that it had opened his eyes that he wanted all that but couldn’t see a future with me, couldn’t see us together in the long run. There’s an age gap between us – he’s 25 and I’m 22 but I’ve just graduated from uni and started my first grad job where as he’s settling down, been in his job for a good few years, is looking at buying a house. He said this was a reason – that he needed to start being serious.

    I asked him if he’d been feeling this a while and he said yes, but I don’t believe him. He can’t put on a front if he’s not feeling something and the last few weeks we’ve been really good and I thought we were making progress.

    Part of me thinks he wants the baby, I never told him I was pregnant I just told him I was having an abortion, I never let the subject be up for discussion and part of me thinks that my confidence in this made him think we were on completely different pages.

    Another thing is I told him this on the day after he’d been out with his friends two nights in a row, he doesn’t deal with hangovers well they put him in a bad mood, he’s very negative and I feel like he made a rash decision based on this.

    When he ended things I didn’t put up a fuss or cry or anything, I told him that I was ready for something serious with him but I was just giving him the space I thought he wanted. I haven’t tried to contact him since and I wont until Thursday – he told me he’d speak to me then as he’ll still take me to the appointment on Friday.

    Do you think we have a chance of working things out?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lauren,

      you said you couldn’t cope with the stress of abortion, how would you cope after you’ve done it? Think about this carefully first, because you cannot undo it once it’s done.. you’re both young, but you can’t correct a mistake by walking away from it.. If you can handle it alone, I respect you..

      but you should think about the baby first, if he can’t stand up for you now, it makes him a worse person if he’s just going to be fine with you after you’ve aborted the baby.. it shows he has no remorse.. and if he has, he will more probably not get back with you because of that guilt..

      but that doesn’t mean you have to keep the baby to keep him.. being a parent is a different case

  32. Brooke - 0

    Brooke

    Hi Chris, My boyfriend recently broke up with me (like today) and it was horrible, of course. But it was as if he didn’t even care– like it didn’t phase him at all. Our relationship had been circling the drain, but for trivial things like he wouldn’t try to be in this relationship or communicate with me. He would say that he wanted to be with me, but would never prove it. I did a lot of things for him and I felt so unappreciated. My question is this: can someone that was so cold during the breakup realize what they are missing? It was as if it didn’t matter if I was with him or not.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Brooke,

      that’s actually normal..it’s very rare that somebody will break up with you while being warm and hopeful…

    • Brooke - 0

      Brooke

      I went get my things from him and he didnt say barely two words to me. I then dropped off all his things when he was away at work. It was awful. I have initiated NC, but should I even be hopeful due to his actions?

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hmmm.. you just broke up..it’s more likely that he will really be like that

  33. Morgan - 0

    Morgan

    Hello
    My ex reached out to me after two weeks of NC–by having his new girlfriend call me from his phone. I assumed it was about returning his stuff that’s still at my house (a ton of it, as we used to live together) so I picked up. I ended up talking to both of them on the speaker phone. I was friendly, asked how they were doing and all. He told me he wanted me to come visit him because he missed talking to me and that he wanted us all to be friends.
    It was a long-distance relationship of sorts. I know you don’t think 100 miles is far, but it can be when it’s two different cities and one person doesn’t have a car and the other one is in school. I simply couldn’t drive there as often as he wanted me to. So he found someone staying with friends down the street from him, and left me for her when I confronted him about cheating. Now, two months later–and two weeks after I stopped being a gnat, and actually started recovering–he had her call me, said he missed me, and that he wanted to hang out. What do I do now? I’m still blocked on his Facebook. I want him back but not as a “friend with benefits.” Apparently, that’s how they started out–at first, she didn’t know he had a girlfriend, then he told her he’d left me and wanted to date her now, but in reality there was a couple weeks when we overlapped.
    I don’t understand any of it, to be honest. And yes, I’m great at hugs, so to speak, I’ve been told that before. But I don’t want to be someone “friend with hug benefts.” I know I wasn’t the ideal girlfriend because I was under a lot of stress and so was he. But I care about him. And apparently he misses me.
    So what do I do?

    Thank you for your website. I nay have learned more about relationships–especially the positive things– since I started reading it than I had from my entire previous dating experience. Perhaps I can do better if I have another chance.

    Reply
    • Morgan - 0

      Morgan

      P.S. I was extremely surprised that my ex contacted me so sonn. NC really works! But Now I wish I did not respond, because I’d just started to recover and now I’m back to feeling awful. It doesn’t help that he spoke to me in the presence of his girlfriend–she picked up his phone as she always does. Should I restart NC? I’ll appreciate any advice, because I don’t understand relationships at all

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Morgan,

      yes, you have to restart because it was really a conversation.Even though that’s a very good sign, you shouldn’t go there

  34. Joanna - 0

    Joanna

    Hi Chris/Amor,
    I remember read somewhere in one of your many articles which mentioned something about men not talking about their emotions and perhaps trying to act strong by acting like they don’t think about me/miss me(?? -could be from somewhere else/discussion with other male friends of mine).
    My ex and I have a close mutual friend (he’s actually our Cupid haha) and the mutual friend happens to be my neighbor who has a gym and my ex goes there with him. In this article you gave us some bullet points for signs of my ex missing me. I don’t expect my ex to text me or call me anytime soon because I believe he falls into the stubborn guy category and he’s already found a new distraction i.e. Hooked up with another girl (which he told me because he said I should used that as a way to get over him). I’ve started NC for two weeks now but my question is, is there any other way I can tell if he misses me? I’ve asked our mutual friend not to ask about our break up because I feel it’s best to let my ex have his space and time to think about us, is that naive? I just really want to know if there’s a chance of us getting back together especially because he made out with someone not even a week into our break up.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Joanna,

      he got a rebound? if you really said to your friend to give your ex space so that you want your ex will think about you, he will probably not show in whatever form that he misses you if your friend tells him that..

      other signs might be him liking your posts, unfriending you, appearing more in the areas he would be sure you would be, posting things that he knows will get your attention, being more active in social media when you’re active too

    • Joanna - 0

      Joanna

      I just told my friend not to say anything to him. Im dont know if he has a rebound or not, i was too heartbroken to push on and ask, and i wasnt sure asking my friend to ask him was a good idea, especially if i dont want to suffocate him etc.
      My ex was never social on facebook, apart from the occasional liking of memes etc, but i guess he doesnt miss me because i’ve been posting my whereabouts/social hang out on facebook and he hasnt liked it.

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