How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup


If you want your ex boyfriend to miss you (after your breakup) then you definitely came to the right place. You will find that my site, Ex Boyfriend Recovery is a lot different than the rest of my peers. I don’t write articles for the sake of writing articles. In fact, I would say that I don’t write articles at all. I write in-depth guides that will help you accomplish a goal. In addition to that, I am extremely involved on this site. I respond to every comment personally and as long as your comment relates to the topic that my “in-depth guide” covers you should get a response within a day (unless it’s the weekend.)

Since you are inquiring about how you can make your ex miss you this page is going to be focused solely on that. So, without further ado, I give you the method in which you should employ to make your ex miss you.

How To Make Him Miss You (The Complete Steps!)

As I am sure you are already aware, making your ex boyfriend miss you (and potentially want you back) can be a tricky thing to do. It will take discipline, strategy and hard work (and even then you aren’t guaranteed to succeed.) However, I feel I have come up with an awesome way to not only make him miss you but to actually get him chasing you.

There is just one problem, the tactics I talk about are actually a little complicated and very detailed. So, while this page can help you make your ex boyfriend miss you it won’t do it as well as my E-Book does. So, when you get a chance (if you feel like it.) I recommend that you check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO:

My E-Book!

Everyone’s Advantage

roger federer

Before you even start using any “missing” tactics you have a pretty big advantage already. Did you know that 71% of people claim that they think about their ex too much? Oh, but it gets even better, 60% of people who are married or dating say that their ex is on their mind too much. Oh, and in case you are wondering where I got these statistics, the Yahoo Dating section!

The Advantage Of YOU Initiating The Breakup

This one is just pretty much common sense. As you know, there are usually three outcomes to a breakup.

  1. You can both agree on the breakup and do it mutually.
  2. He can break up with you.
  3. You can break up with him.

I highlighted the “you can break up with him” choice because you will have a small advantage in making your ex miss you if you initiated the breakup. We have already established above that you have an advantage in the fact that most people say that they still think about their ex too much but when you add in the fact that you initiated the breakup your advantage is going to be a little more distinct. Of course, there is one case where this might work as well.

The ONE case where you might not have this advantage.

  • If you broke up with your ex because he cheated on you.

The ONE case where this will work EXTREMELY well.

  • If you broke up with him and he didn’t want you to.

No Contact = “I Miss You”

(For more in-depth information on the No Contact Rule and how to PROPERLY put it into practice please visit Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

no eye contactThroughout this site you will find that the No Contact Rule is a pretty big theme. The NC Rule (No Contact Rule) is a rule that states the following:

 You are not allowed to call, text, email, Facebook or Google your ex for one full month. If during that month you are contacted by your ex you are not allowed to respond.

Sounds pretty simple huh? Actually, I would say that this is the toughest part to trying to get your ex back. However, if you do it successfully not only will you improve your chances of potentially putting yourself in a position to get him back but you will make huge strides in making him miss you.

You see, men at their core (I should know because I am one) have some pretty strange thoughts after a breakup but I would say that most guys eventually get back to one core thought “she is going to be the first to contact me.” How do I know this? Because, that is exactly what I thought after a break up I went through. Sure enough, after 3 days of not talking to my ex she contacted me.

Using my example, have you ever stopped and wonder what would have happened if my ex hadn’t contacted me? Let me tell you. My confident claim of “she is going to be the first to contact me” would have turned into “why the &^*% hasn’t she contacted me?” Interesting flip of the switch huh? Soon, that anger of “why hasn’t she contacted me yet?” would cause me to realize just how much I miss having her in my life.

Specific Things You Can Do To Make Him Miss You

(For more information on the different things you can do to make him miss you please check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

In this section we are going to look at a number of things that you can specifically do to make him miss you. I absolutely love this because these are things that are in your control. When it comes to getting your ex boyfriend back you have to accept the fact that there are a certain amount of factors that are completely out of your control. However, when it comes to making him miss you there are a lot of things you can do that will improve your chances. Buckle up because this may get long.

Tactic 1- Get In Shape


There is nothing that can catch a mans eye like a woman who has taken care of her body. Now, I am not saying you are fat or out of shape. I am saying that this tactic (getting in shape) will be beneficial to you in not only making your ex boyfriend miss you but it will be beneficial in helping you with future relationships (if you have them.) How effective is this tactic? Let me tell you a story. There was a girl who had a crush on me in college. Like a fool, I didn’t do anything about it because like a typical guy I wanted the girls that I couldn’t get. Anyways, this girl had a very pretty face but I am not afraid to say that she was a little… chubby and for me it took away from her looks.

Well, about a year and a half later I happened to run into her. Actually, I walked right past her because I didn’t recognize her. She had lost about 35lbs and looked amazing. In my absence this mediocre looking girl had turned into a beautiful goddess. I wanted her immediately. I did everything I could to try to go on a date with her.

Tactic 2- Repeat After Me: I Do Not Care About Him

I dont care

This tactic is more of a mindset that you need to have. During your no contact period make sure you don’t focus on your ex too much. Just focus on the most important thing, you. Trust me when I say that the “missing thing” will fall into place if you do this. It is important to remember that the two of you broke up and while you may want him back you need to understand that rome was not built in a day and you won’t get him back in a day. So, sit back and chill for a while.

Tactic 3- Social Life


You have two choices when it comes to breaking up with your ex. You can either

A. Let the breakup own you.


B. Own the breakup.

I am a guy and let me tell you that I do not find it attractive when someone, who after a breakup, sits on the couch all day and eats ice cream. In fact, that is what I expect pretty much every girl to do after a breakup. About five years ago when I broke up with my girlfriend at the time the exact thought I had was “I bet she is sitting on the couch right now crying and eating ice cream.” Here is the kicker though, a few days later when I logged on Facebook I found that she wasn’t quite as devastated as I thought. She had posted pictures of her having fun with friends and basically having a really fun social life. While I didn’t immediately think “man, I miss her” it set me up for thinking it. Her active social life made me realize what I was missing out on and made me a little jealous and angry that she wasn’t as devastated.

Tactic 4- Hitting His Emotional Hot Buttons

hot buttons

Look, eventually the no contact rule end is going to end and a time is going to come where you are going to have to communicate with your ex. When you do contact him make sure you do it via a text message. Texting is viewed as non threatening and it will give you the ability to slowly push is emotional hot buttons. I recommend that you check out this guide on how to correctly text message your ex.

Tactic 5- Jealousy Can Be Effective IF Used Correctly


A lot of experts will tell you to not try to make your ex jealous. I will admit that I don’t necessarily agree with them on that. If you have a chance to bring up some deep inner feelings within him then I say go for it. Of course, if you are going to use jealousy on your ex boyfriend it has to be done a specific way. It probably won’t go over too well if he checks on your Facebook profile and sees you making out with three different guys. No, using jealousy is an art. It has to be done subtly but at the same time be obvious enough for him to pick up on it. Here are a few examples of how to properly use jealousy.

Example 1- Movie With A Male Friend

In this example I am going to show you a specific text message that is meant to make your ex a little jealous. Notice how in the example below you didn’t specify if your movie date was with a male or a female. You basically leave it up to your ex to assume if you went to see a romantic movie with a guy or a girl.

romantic movie text

Example 2- Did I See You?

This one is a little riskier but you are almost guaranteed to make your ex a little jealous which will hopefully contribute to him missing you. In this text message you are basically saying that you mistook him for a “hot guy” at a bar (or any other place you can think of.) Again, this one is risky but the reward is definitely higher.

jealousy (did I see you at)

Signs That Your Ex Boyfriend Misses You

I actually wrote a guide on how to tell if your ex boyfriend is still in love with you already but I thought I would give a quick recap here. After all, it might be important to figure out the signs that your ex misses you so you can determine if what you are doing is working. Below I am just going to give you a bullet point list so you can quickly reference the signs.

  • If he texts you
  • If he calls you
  • If he shows up at places you frequent in a non stalker way (if it is stalker like then that is just creepy)
  • If he has positive reactions when you see him in person.
  • If he keeps in touch with your family.

If something on this page or website confuses you do not be afraid to comment in our comments section below. Remember, your comment, as long as it is legitimate, will be made live and I will respond to you personally.

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2,408 Responses to How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup
  1. Samantha
    September 18, 2014 | 2:41 am

    Hi me and my boyfriend broke up a few weeks ago and he was all wrapped up in college and wouldn’t text me all day and when he would it was like one word answers and he said he would get better when i asked if he would take the time and talk to me sometimes and then he started the non texting again. After i told him i didnt wanna break up that i just wanted to work it out with him he said “its me not you” and he said his college life is really too hectic for a gf. And i wassss sooooo stupid i actually texted him and told him i miss him and then said i wanted to be friends (face palm) anyways i really want him to miss me but after reading your page i feel like a stupid head

  2. nataly ramirez
    September 18, 2014 | 2:29 am

    My ex and i dated for a week, he broke up with me. His reason was because he wanted to be more focused on baseball, i was like thats some BS because i as well play softball and i wouldnt be able to be a distraction because i as well have to be focused. I had known during my freshman year that he had liked my best friend, but i wasnt interested in him till sophomore year. So when he asked me out sophomore year i didnt mind because the past is the past i thought he had gotten over her as time had passed. Turns out the reason broke up with me is because he still had feelings for my friend. I had to find out from my best friend, when he had broken up with me he tryed talking to her, as a good friend that she is, she told me what was going on, she was no where near interested in him because she is taken. So my friend never replied to him and he came back to me saying he misses me, i think he only came back because i was the second choice.i told him everything that went on and he felt bad and said sorry for putting me through a lot. I told him what he did would never change anything and that sorry wasnt going to change things. So we stopped talking for 2 1/2 months. I have him for history class and i catch him glancing at me, every now and then. I do not know what that means??? I also used to go to some of his games, that i could go to, and cheer him on. since we broke up i dont go to his games any more and i wonder if, me not showing up any more is making him miss what ive done for him??? Because from what ive known im the only girl out of the girls he has dated, who has gone and supported him at his games. I dont know if he still likes me??? I miss him! Help me!

  3. ada wong
    September 17, 2014 | 11:26 pm

    i broke up with my bf 3 days ago my case is different cause a week before the break up we fought because he told me something important and beneficial but at that time i said “hell with it i don’t give a dam” he replied “thank you!” since that he never talked, chatted or called me after a week he unfriended me on facebook although i told him i’m sorry many times before he unfriended me on FB but since that thank you! he didn’t say a word however, when he unfriended me i felt so bad i haven’t said anything about it..never tried to contact him by all means…i’m just hurt. i used to see him before a week ago but now i’m not seeing him any more
    what should i do? what if i did that NC method and he met a new girl? i’m really scared he means a lot to me.. pls pls HELP??

    • admin
      September 18, 2014 | 4:41 pm

      What did he tell you?

      He just ignored you completely after this talk 3 days ago.

  4. Kerri
    September 16, 2014 | 3:54 pm

    Hi my bf broke up with me 5 weeks ago because he said I text him and mithered him too much! We had a big argument a couple of weeks ago and he came out with ‘I’m with someone else’ I think he may just be saying this too hurt me but he keeps going on about how she doesn’t mither him and text him all the time and that she may be a rebound but he’ll have to see! I don’t know if he has found someone else or if it’s just to try hurt me and make me jealous! I saw him a couple of weeks ago and he got jealous because I was apparently flirting with his friend! I havnt stopped texting him and I know I need to! What do I do? Please help

    • admin
      September 17, 2014 | 4:09 pm

      Did he say you were clingy? Is that why he broke up with you?

  5. Nicole
    September 15, 2014 | 3:43 pm

    i broke up with my boyfriend (now ex) of 8 months and we go to the same college. I’ve tried contacting him and he wont talk to me. I see him sometimes around campus and he’ll glance at me and look away quickly. I just dont know how long it will take for us to talk again.

    • admin
      September 16, 2014 | 3:11 pm

      Just be patient… He is definitely thinking about you.

      You broke up with him 8 months ago?

      He sounds very stubborn. Give him some time to reflect.

  6. Engy
    September 5, 2014 | 1:14 pm

    What do you think I should do if we broke up like this.. he is so jealous man he want me alone he don’t want me to talk with anyone or even communicate with my colleagues .. he asked me to stop doing this or we have to stop this relation .. so I replied ok well we can stop it .. I was very angry from him
    Now; after 12 days I can’t stop thinking about him and I miss him so much … I tried not to contact him even go to work as we are colleagues .. I am getting down ..

    • admin
      September 15, 2014 | 2:22 pm

      You broke up because he was too controlling?

  7. I don't want to risk him seeig :/
    September 3, 2014 | 5:44 pm

    Been dating a guy off and on for two and a half years seems like every 6 months he end up breaking up wih me because he wants to do his own thing and I’m to controlig. He’s come back two times now and this time he got me pregnant because he wanted to and he wanted a famiy with me. And a week ago he broke up with me I am 7 months pregnant with his child and live in a house his parents bought for us. He says he wants to do what he wants and tht I have treated him like crap and he’s sick of it. I have been hormonal and I have treated him poorly at times. But I have apologized ad been doing everythig I can but he says he’s finally happy and when asked if he’s ever goin to come back he says no and when he’s done this in the past he’s said maybe or idk. He’s already been hanging out with another girl as we’ll. he’s tlking about figuring out when e can see the baby like custody and stuff and says he doesn’t want to be back together tht he’s sorry. Is this really the end? :( i don’t know what to do I just want him back and to love me and be apart of our family again.

    • admin
      September 4, 2014 | 12:04 pm

      Hmm… him hanging out with another girl is clearly meant to hurt you. Not sure anything will come of it.

  8. loneliness
    September 3, 2014 | 1:20 am

    ok it was my fault i think that he broke up with me was he was a controller, an i did loose my indepence, an after dancing i did loose the body not too much but some an he actually was the one who bitched an nagged an was the controller, an we come from 2 different worlds, he has money an rich family an friends i have nothing lost both my parents an lost my car then my job, an now i lost him 24 days ago, granted he did say that we could still be friends an that if i needed anything at all he will be there to help but not forever. I did cheat like 3 yrs. ago an it was only one day but he violated my privacy by putting a motion censor camera in my room an he said it was for personal reasons, i say he was spying on me, an he said he should of broke it off then instead of waiting 3 yrs. at the time the cheating thing it was only one day an on the bed he bought me,. so i can see where that issue came into play, an i did steal a little but not money, never that he gave that without me doing that, but other things not material things but we will call it candy, not a lot an i guess the trust thing too, but i love him unconditionally he loves with conditions, he controlled my phone an my tv comcast an internet, i think that was it. As far as the bigger things go, i did get my own phone so he won’t have control over that, i think it started in the beginning when he read one of my journals without my permission when everything happened i tried to see past the journal thing but his daughter went digging in my bag an started to read it. So another violation on his part an i for gave him, an the candy thing we discussed it an i told him i would not do it again but then when he wasn’t around it be like one here 2 there an again he had a digital camera in my home mine not his an caught me taking a few here an there, he would confront me about it an i would lie cause i thought you know something small he wouldnt’ notice oh he did he would put things a certain way an if he went to look an it wasn’t the way he put it he knew,. he started doing things like that when i cheated that one day, granted i never cheated before an we have been together for 9 yrs,. an it happen 3 yrs ago he said he wanted to sell the bed but we had just gotten it an i had realized after that one night that wasn’t what i wanted i wanted it to be with him but he was in the hospital an i thought he wouldn’t of known til he called me a wk later to say he caught me on video doing this yeah i denied all up to i saw the video now he envaded my privacy an if that camera wasn’t there he would of never known about it,. an i would of left it at that. that night meant nothing to me an i told him that,. but because it was on a bed he bought for us i ruined the whole thought in the bed room so we would do things in the living an sleep in the bedroom it was hard at first for him to be relaxed about it,. an it is amazing some women can just blow off a one night thing like nothing but a guy to them a one night thing turned into a yr.. for him. so every now an then he would throw that in my face, an it never happened again, i told the guy to leave me alone cause this is the one i wanted to be with, but every now an then i would get a phone call or a hit on fb. an again i delete him an didn’t tell him that he tried contacting me it was like the more i tried to delete that person from life this guy always gets in the middle of it an he isn’t even around ruining it for me. He has lied to me about the journals an the cameras an the chips that he has with me in my home. i do have one of them an he isn’t getting it back either i would use it to my advantage but i am not that kind of person, we may come from 2 different worlds but i think he found i was a challenge for him,. an maybe that is why he stayed an he thought i was anti marriage which i wasn’t i went threw things in my recent to the day we had met, an he rushed into it he moved with me the first 3 months i told him that he had to find his own place cause it was clear the way we clean was different too. I am afraid that he may find someone else but i hope he is thinking of me the way i do him. Now i did screw up this past wkend he came here on sunday i worked my magic on him we had sex alot then the next day he came back again but said he was feeling guilty for being here an breaking up with me after sex with me again,.It wasn’t like the night before an this time he didn’t stay the night he left. An then i spoke to him today an i admit i did blow up his email box too sense the breakup doing my begging thing like i shouldn’t of i should of let it go but i still have the phone til the end of the month an cabe an the internet too til the end of the month. But he is the longest relationship i have had with anyone, I was married 2 times before, my first marriage was 4 an half yrs. an my second marriage didn’t even make it past the first yr. addiction issues not around my kid. I may have screwed up my chances on getting him back but i hope that i won’t be too late so should i not email, text or call like the NC rule. is it too late for me to do that after all that. If he didn’t want the sex he wouldn’t of stayed with me too talk things out, i called it the official break up sex but i don’t know how he took it cause the next day he came back an said something about feeling guilty, so is he already seeing someone or does he really want to do for himself an his daughters they are teens i met him when they were really young so. I use to give him backrubs neck rubs basically all over rubs an i dyed his hair for him. I wanted to get married but he said i was a financial risk or we would not be able to live together cause the way i live an where i live like an hour away from him an he still lives with mom an he is 49, says he wants to go back to college an get a new job. He always complained to me about money an spending but here recently he shows up with a new car granted i wasn’t surprised knowing that i needed a car myself to find a job an get my stuff together you would of thought he would of helped me with that. But no. an he got a new phone from work so he bragged about that too i know i should of been supportive an excited about the car it is just that when he said that to me about the marriage thing kind of threw me cause when we met he hinted around about marriage after he just got a divorce, so i told him no not til he learns to talk to me better an treats me good an he did treat me good with the boobs but the verbal not so much it was like when i gave up my past it was like ammo for him to use on me but i do know that he did love before the cheat thing cause the way he talked to me about it an how he cried an he said he couldnt look at me for awhile so we stayed apart an then he came back after a wk an half an the it was just miner things after that. sorry it became almost a book but i do love the way he had control of some things an that he liked pushing my buttons just to get me going,. we talked about doing a lot of things together in the future he was going to take me on a cruise but i screwed that up. along with my independence,/ So how do i fix this or is there no hope for me. HeLP

    • admin
      September 3, 2014 | 3:40 pm

      I think you know what you need to do with the NC rule… It’s not too late.

      • loneliness
        September 3, 2014 | 7:00 pm

        I am trying the NC thing now an i emailed him that i wont be around for him to pick up his things, til sunday if he wanted to stop by an pick it up,. At first his response was “really” then he said “who”, then he said “oh ok an laughed” so i don’t know what that means i don’t want him to find someone else because i said i was going out with a few friends but i guess it doesn’t really matter, He did want to marry me i was scared an afraid of loosing my independence but it really didn’t matter any way cause i lost pretty much everything after my dad past. An when i screwed up 3 yrs ago i think i lost him more emotionally, he saw me as a challenge when i was dancing, an i took time to do me up an look pretty an then after my dad i lost that an my job, an then things kinda went down hill, he said that i was anti marriage an that wasn’t totally true, he asked me if he was to propose to me would i marry him an this was like the first 3 or 4 months into the whole thing i told him no cause he really didn’t know how to talk to me, he was a controlling person an would use words to break me down, like my father did , granted i did stop him when he said things like that an i did walk out on him a few times but he would always call me on my way home an say can you please come back sometimes i say things that make me angry that you do an i apologize, so i would turn around an go back, an then that was the first yr. but he did try to end it with me that yr. he told me that i had to give my car back to the guy who bought it for me cause i prostituted myself out for that, i didn’t like that word so i picked the nearest thing which was a plastic water bottle an threw at his back but he turned an it hit him in the face, he did leave that day but then called the next day an said to give it back or have him sign it over to me an he would pay him the 2000 that he used to put down on the car,. Well that never happened the guy took his car back any way because he said if he wasn’t going to pay him back that money he had to take it. so i let him, an he told me we would work out the car thing, but he had me use his beat up car to get to work his ex did not want me driving it but he didn’t care he said it was his car,. An then he said i blew the engine which i didn’t do that cause it had a cracked engine block anyway, then we tried with some money i saved an he got me a truck for 750 from a friend he worked with an that one lasted 3 months with a cracked engine block so it isn’t me it is him. Then when we were into the 5 yr thing he did ask me again to move in with him, an then i got scared again independent thing or i am afraid of comment,. But i did want to be with him an i should moved in to try it but if it didn’t work out where will i be homeless. so i again opted out,. or he changed his mind he said i am not as clean as he would like me to be come i cleaned i took out his garbage gave him backrubs which he liked an foot rubs an every rub you can think of an i also cooked once in awhile, cause we were at his apartment, i even washed done his walls an watched his girls why he went to work. an nothing went anywhere,. then i started to fall apart my vision i couldn’t keep a job cause i couldn’t see an he just got more angrier like you said if there are things that bother him about you he bitches so i bitched back at him leaving empty ice trays an empty boxes in the cupboards don’t know if he was doing it purposely or what but that started to irritate me so he got irritated as well , i would use manners an he would say go get me this or go get me that, he would not say please or thank you or anything, he blames that on being raised in a house of all men, an one woman his mother, he used to talk about being the Alfa man if someone made a sandwich he would take it an that person would make another one. Ok he is a lot of the controlling thing but that gives him no right we weren’t married, i love unconditionally his love comes with conditions an because he bought expensive things i felt obligated to stay then i fell in love with him in the process an boom i am the one sitting here crying almost everyday, for 25 days now. So now what am i doing good about the NC thing an what did he mean when he said that about “Really” an “who” then the “oh ok laugh” so tell me is there still a chance or should i forget him cause he is the way he is an may never change,. I just want to be respected an to feel loved an beautiful an he broke me with the words Stupid Dumb don’t talk about things you know nothing about Really that hurts an he said to me not too long ago that you can’t hurt someone with words i told him for a change to google verbal abuse an it will show him that you can,. I don’t know if i am crying cause he bought me things that were materialistic or that i lost him without trying to find me again, an i gave up on me, but when i started to try which he did see that i was he still left me he said he was enabling me so this way would be better an walked out almost with a grin on his face but i think something funny was said but he said he thought about us an the 9 yrs on his way home an he said he hurt too an almost cried almost isn’t good enough for me i want to see him cry for me. lol but he did when i screwed up 3 yrs ago. so i can’t be picky about it. Sorry these just seem to get a little long oh an i am a detailed person he is get to the point person, i liked that we were opposite it gave me a chance to see the other side of a man that was different from what i normally liked,. so i guess we both looked at it as a challenge, then we just got to comfortable an things started changing i saw the signs but i can’t do anything in the last 3 yrs. my eyesight started to go, but the night that i screwed up an he saw it on the video he said the guy looked like rough kind of person yeah he was cause before i met that other guy he was a roofer an looked alot better then he did that night, an afterwards i told him to leave cause it was wrong what i did, an he left, but even when we tried to get past that moment that person’s name always ruined a moment we would be having an he wasn’t even in the room with us just the name alone was making him not feel right, I even moved the bed to a different position so that it would not remind of where the bed was hoping that would help i even change the bed cover i even stopped wearing the outfit i had on that night cause i didn’t want it to be brought up again. But for the last 3 yrs the other guy’s Name was there to screw it up for me. an the damn video but see i saw the chip an i deleted the scenes on it so it wouldn’t remind him what i did. So tell me now what is it hopeless or do me first an then see what happens,

        • admin
          September 4, 2014 | 12:07 pm

          Definitely give NC a shot. I think you can be successful with it.

  9. loneliness
    September 2, 2014 | 11:35 pm

    It hasn’t been a month more like 24 days, I am the female an he is the one that ended it with me after 9 yrs. an we weren’t married just the dating thing. Now i have let my self esteem go along with my independance i think he fell in love with the way i looked an the sex. An me being independent now i can get my body back no problem, an the independence that will take a few cause i am getting cataract surgery an right now i can’t drive at night time, but enough of that, He just doesn’t look at me when he sees me, an he feels guilty for breaking up with me or being around me what does that mean an how can i get him back i do love him an i am a little stumped on why he did this after 9 yrs. we were still heavy into everything but my indepence left an he said that he was enabling me to do me. What does he mean by that. I was working on doing everything an he still left me. His comment is you will find someone who treats you better then i can or he will say things like atleast the next guy will enjoy the boob job i gave you an everything else here that i got you. What does he mean by all this, is it really over, cause in my heart i don’t feel that he feels that way, i feel he still loves me but i don’t want to completely loose contact with him. ‘an i do want him back really Help me please.

    • admin
      September 3, 2014 | 2:46 pm

      9 years and he didn’t propose…. Did he have commitment issues or something?

      • loneliness
        September 3, 2014 | 7:06 pm

        well when i met him he was going threw a divorce i told him i wouldn’t date him till i saw divorce papers an he showed me, i think it was more of a rebound but he was having a lot of issues with her the last 2 yrs of their marriage she cheated on him with a guy they both worked with an he didn’t even know, an he still screwed her but he didn’t catch her on tape, but he did tell me he married her out of obligation cause she was pregnant an he thought it would be the right thing to do, which that shouldn’t always be the case. but he did, I screw one day an it was only one an got the boot, an he had no expression on his face when he walked out on me either,like he was blank or numb i know that feeling too well i should of done things differently but he needs to change the way he talks to woman i tell you that much i just loved that control thing about him i do still want him back i guess i am a sucker for all that. But not the words thing he needs adjust that for sure. So tell me whats next still NC

        • loneliness
          September 3, 2014 | 7:09 pm

          An he did say that it was nice to put his arms around someone who he could hold she was a little over weight after the 2 kids, an he said that he didn’t really love her like he did me, So is there still hope for me.

          • loneliness
            September 4, 2014 | 12:50 pm

            Ok i have had a lot thought put into what this next reply would be, an i don’t think that he will ever come back cause in one of the pages you wrote about the cheating an lieing thing well we are at 5, I lied an cheated an stole from him but i didnt steal money, i had stolen his heart in the beginning but 3 yrs ago he put walls up an he made them so strong that i don’t think i have a chance, I am 49 going on 50 next yr. he is 49 going on 50 this yr. he went out an bought a new car an that is when things were changing, well they were changing sense the last three yrs. he did say that how could i just blow it off it didn’t happen well i said because that one night may me realize that i love you an not that part of myself any more, you know being a dancer kind of puts a different title on women. an i think that is what he saw after the fact an he didn’t confront me about it til a wk later, an then he said that he would never be able to get that image out of his head an it was only one frame cause of a motion thing so you are a guy an i know you put yourself in some scenarios how would you do mine i lost everything his trust, the cheat thing an the lying, steal, but you have to understand from my point of view it really isn’t that bad except the cheat thing, a little the steal but it was never money, maybe i should of been more sexual an dress up an cared more about how i look then just letting things go after my father past i guess i didn’t get the kind of grieving period emotionally an didn’t snap out of it, then with this damn menopause i can’t most of the time. I really do think it is really over he says we can hang out if i still want him to come over, an he did say he would help me for awhile on things but not forever,. So how do you handle something like this this is a really bad case wouldn’t you think Help there has to be something. other people are telling me to move on an find someone who is rich an can help take care of me, an love me for me an not talk to me the way he did,. But you no matter how you look or view abuse sometimes the woman don’t want to leave because they got comfortable with it, an just let lying dogs lie, I obviously really liked it because i lost him anyway he was never physcial abuse it was mostly like how you said you were with the control thing he always has to have it, he is a supervisor for his work so he kinda takes that home with him. an he is angry, but won’t show it, an i did think that he had insecurity issues, cause i thought it was weird how after 3 months of dating he consider us a couple started taking me around his daughters his family, so mayb i was the rebound an he was just looking for support an i gave that to him. i am so lonely right now there was a routine an now it is broken i feel like i am alone here an i am, Now. i feel so bad about it all i told him i wish we could wipe the slate clean an start over but he is like what you were stubburn an he cuts it off with no expression an leaves. So i think i am done how do you get over this an walk away, we have a lot secrets between the two us an i feel like if he leaves or don’t reconsider my secrets with him will get out, that is how feel scared an alone an frustrated that i will never get him back HELP

            • admin
              September 5, 2014 | 11:55 am

              Ok, let me ask you this. You are focusing on what you did wrong in the relationship. I am sure he was no saint either right?

              • loneliness
                September 6, 2014 | 2:39 am

                well his brothers an most of his family said that his x wife really screwed him up with the divorce. an did show me his divorce papers, but i didn’t think that we were going to jump in that quickly, an they also said too that he is a non cheating person an very honest yeah i got the honest part but i don’t believe he wasn’t doing anything but then i guess i didn’t want to know if he was or wasn’t but 9 yrs. an in the last 3 i screw up then an it was only one nite an he catches me on tape, that was put in my room illegally, an then he tries to justify it with what i did to him. really,. so i honestly don’t know if he was a saint or not i love him an to me it didn’t really matter, but now we have been having sex with out any feeling or emotional attachment so i guess i will do the no contact just to see if he is or isn’t using me, for a wk an see what happens, cause when i text him he response with something nice but then when i don’t answer right away he either calls or texts me again. Like yesterday i called asked if wanted to come over an he got up set an said no i can’t do this to you anymore, i said ok fine then he said well i never put that out there an he did when he ended it ” if you need anything or can’t do this on your own cause you are feeling bad i will come an hang out with you” i told him that he did offer it up like that an he said oh i don’t remember then i told him he didn’t have to. he said ok bye an then not even like 15 mins. later he texts me saying “i am cumming” notice how it came up right, then he said “almost there”, an then he text “im done” i was a little stumped he knew that so he calls an said didn’t you get that joke i said yes i got it. Haha, then he says he is really coming over cause he forgot something here an needed to come get it, an he said i am staying over night i said ok. He gets here an puts me threw his test to see if i would keep my hands to myself kind of test well i gave him a full body massage an he ended up taking his close off i said oh really an laughed about it, he said i am going to test you an he did an i past with an A plus, he wanted to see if i couldn’t help but touch an jump on him it didn’t happen though he did try doing things that would get my attention i did not fall it when i was done i ok you are done an he complimented me on the whole body rub an then he said i am so surprised you past the test. OK well lets see if he passes the test, i did a little something different an he fail on not containing himself not even 5 mins he was on me, an we went to bed an he was far away from me an i said nothing i was going to go to sleep he starts laughing i said what he said i thought you would of said where are you at, cause we use to cuddle before the break up an then we didn’t so i guess i past again cause i wasn’t all like come closer kind of thing i just went to fall asleep. You know if he want to play head games with me i can to but i just want to know is it possible that he may want this to work or is it a game an i am the slut you refer to in your FWB letter, i do believe in the friends with benefit thing but with discretion not like the way you described it as an with in reason if a woman wants to do that or i call it break up sex, but i know that is defeating the purpose of the NC thing right. Back to the question yeah i guess i am doing that focusing on what i did wrong cause of the way he said things to me, like you said in one of the newsletters, He will say anything that pops off the top of his head cause you are pushing with knowing what is wrong an what you did. So he started saying that he knew would hurt me an i guess i started to feel like i did it i broke us up. I wasn’t trying to be., He has alot of flaws he isn’t perfect but because i loved him his flaws some of them i looked past but mine he said he couldn’t look past them an blamed it on the things about me that werent as bad as his flaws. so yeah i guess i was doing that. I am so screwed up right now trying to figure this out an it is making my head hurt an my heart break so do the NC for a wk an see if he is using me, an then what. do the 30 day thing sense i screwed up by having him here, like cut him off cold turkey?

                • loneliness
                  September 6, 2014 | 2:49 am

                  my post ended up twice how did that happen

  10. Amanda
    August 29, 2014 | 3:53 pm

    My situation is slightly different and takes time to explain. About 9 years ago I met this guy through a mutual friend and he was too shy to talk to me so I dated someone else. When that guy broke up with me a few months later I was a ball of emotions like most women and I turned to this guy friend for comfort. He picked up the pieces of my broken heart and glued them back together. Of course it didn’t take long before I loved him. We both dated other people but always came back to each other for emotional comfort after those relationships ended. He asked me out multiple times over the years and I told him I wasn’t ready and I didn’t want to ruin our friendship (I was scared. I was already in love with him and didn’t want him to know and hurt me).

    2.5 years ago he finally convinced me that I should go on a date with him. He was the first person to say I love you, he bragged to all his friends about how amazing I was and I made him so happy. But about 6 months ago he started getting weird we had a discussion about “our future” we worked it out and stayed together. But he stopped putting any effort into our relationship and expected me to do all the “work.” 2weeks ago he met me and said he was done. We didn’t have enough in common and he just wanted to cut the losses. I find it interesting that he only because unsatisfied with our relationship after he stopped putting any effort into it. I realize that he had cold feet and got spooked about the prospect of a grown up relationship but how can he decide after 10 years that he’s lost interest. Why did he try so hard for so long to get me and then when he had me just broke my heart?

    I haven’t had any contact with him in two weeks except to ask him to have his friend stop contacting me. I’d like to think he misses me as we were a major part of each other’s lives for so long. How do I know if he is missing me like I am, if we aren’t talking?

    • admin
      September 2, 2014 | 12:09 pm

      Impossible to know for sure but I think he will definitely miss you.

  11. Kerisha
    August 28, 2014 | 4:56 pm

    My boyfriend of over three yrs told me few days ago to move on with my life because we are not compatible. Now I’m wondering y hes now just saying that. He is a very technical person, and at times very spiteful, who at times chooses not to contact me because hes waiting on me to do so. We havnt spoken since I guess “he broke up with me” And because of that I doubt that he’ll ever contact me again Eventhough he says he dont know why he loves me, I really do miss him. What do u think or suggest I do? Thank u

    • admin
      August 29, 2014 | 11:58 am

      I think a bout of NC can help your situation.

      • Kerisha
        September 3, 2014 | 2:21 am

        Ok thank you

  12. Mary
    August 28, 2014 | 2:59 pm

    Hi, i was with my ex for 5 years, was close with his family and he was close with mine. He then told me 10 days ago, he wanted to live his life whilst he’s young and doesn’t want to miss out on doing things with his friends anymore.

    We had a really good relationship. When he broke up with me he told me I would never hear that he has a new girlfriend or in a new relationship. And he will always love me and care about me, if I was ever in trouble I could always message him and he would rush to get there.

    I’ve got to the point now with not seeing him for nearly two weeks or speaking to him I miss him so much and just wanna talk to him. :(
    But he seems to be getting on with his life going to the gym seeing his friends and stuff. Whilst I’m at home depressed trying to keep myself occupied.

    What do I do? He also said when we broke up that if we want to make a go of it in the future we can.
    Do you think he’s missing me as much as I am him?

    Help me!!!

    • admin
      August 29, 2014 | 11:50 am

      Has he held true to his word about not seeing other people?

      • Mary
        August 30, 2014 | 3:13 pm

        I think so? It’s been two weeks and I haven’t heard anything.

  13. Genesis
    August 27, 2014 | 1:26 am

    Hello so im 20 yrs old my bf and i broke up about 2months ago, we were living together for 2 years approximately but just couldnt take it anymore. I am not sure if it all was because we got tired of each other or what the issue was, we have two kids a two yr old and a one yr old and it was pretty stressing especially when he wouldnt contribute on being a parent and would leave it all to me. I recently found out i was already pregnant when we split up until now is when weve had contact. The first two months we didnt speak he didnt know where i was at. We talked a while bk two weeks maybe more and he says he loves me still a whole lot but hes afraid he will hurt me again, (physically) and rather stay friends. I honestly love him and especially now but i dont really like the friend idea much, he wants to text me all day. Ex: he will get off work and text me im out or hel go to work but stop by at my place an hour before to spend some time. Ive tried so many times to get away from him and stop talking to him ,also maybe act a little indifferent when hes trying to be silly or make me laugh. But as much as i try he always manages to txt me something cute or send me videos or old songs of ours. I dont understand really what is going on? My sister says all hes doing is playing with me again. What do you think? I mean i cant stay away i have to let him see his kids and now the baby on the way. I want him back but im not sure if he wants me bk.

    • admin
      August 28, 2014 | 12:23 pm

      You are currently pregnant with his child? Do I have that right?

  14. Naina
    August 26, 2014 | 7:39 pm

    It’s so funny what guys assume about a girl when they initiate a break up. I always expect the opposite(maybe my past has trained me to do so) but I always expect my ex to be doing everything in his power to get over me (i.e. hook up with other girls, party all the time, might-as-well-be-a-bachelor-party trips, etc.). It’s quite the shell shock when I find out that he may actually miss me. (I seem to attract the men that don’t really ever talk about their feelings to anyone.) Why do guys always assume that girls are miserable over them? It’s so interesting, I guess because I never really was that girl who couldn’t get out of her bed for a week. I always do exactly what this website tells girls to do post-break up.

    Here’s the kicker: I think it’s better if someone goes through that break up ice cream sitting on the couch phase. I have a hard time allowing myself to do that personally because I don’t like how bad I feel actually allowing myself to experience those emotions. But I think I would have let those feelings out of my system far earlier if I let myself do that. If you pretend like you’re out having fun when you’re really miserable, it delays the healing process.

    • admin
      August 28, 2014 | 12:04 pm

      Yes, I agree. I think some experience in feeling miserable is a great lesson in how to handle similiar situations in the future.

  15. Alyson Erbach
    August 25, 2014 | 3:20 pm

    Hi Chris! So I’ve been here once as now I’m back. And the reason why is because my boyfriend said he was done. He was done with everything and trying extra hard. But he is what happened this time..
    So about a week ago I was watching my favorite show while my boyfriend was at his dads house. He then called me and I told him hey, let me just call you back in 15 minutes this show is just about over and I don’t wanna miss it. He got upset. He said he hasn’t seen me inn 3 days and he missed me and wanted to talk. He threatened that he would hang up. Then I was thinking that he didn’t really wanna talk to me then. We lost connection and then my sister that is at college facetimed me. I had no control of it. And then another part is that I couldn’t really trust him. The first time we broke up he left me for another girl. That’s hard to gain trust back if you feel like hell do it again! An in the past I was cheated on 4 or 5 times with the same guy so it kind of messed me up. I was trying to apologize and I want to work on it but he wasn’t understanding and he think I didn’t uderstand.
    I would also not text him bak fast enough. He would text me and I would see it pop up but kind of forget about it if I was talking to my family or on the computer or something. I feel really bad about it.. When I went over to his housee the other day he said he couldn’t take it anymore and I was trying to ask for bother chance and then I can prove to him I can fix it. He said he gave me enough chance and he didn’t understand why I wasn’t working on it before when he first told me and only now. I honestly don’t know why I didn’t care before. But I really love him and he loves me I just want him to miss me and want him back. We just broke up I guess you could say. He didn’t change is Facebook relationship statues yet. I don’t know if I should be the bigger person to do it first or not. But I really want him back and would do anything in the world for him. We would talk about marriage and being together forever because we were perfect. I’m tow years out of high school and he is now a senior in high school please help. I’m doing the no contact thing starting yesturday. HELPPPPP!!

    • admin
      August 26, 2014 | 1:01 pm

      Seriously? Just because you wanted to watch a show he threatened to hang up?

      • Logan Erbach
        August 27, 2014 | 1:35 pm

        Yesssss!! And it sucked! But his own uncle texted me the other day asking what was going on with him and I said that I don’t really know he has been alittle different lately. But I’ve been texting his friends just to let him know that we aren’t together at the moment now and they said oh well I’m going to ask him why. But I told them it might make it worse and it did. I think I blew my chances. I’m not going to talk to him friends anymore because this is what happened last time. This sucks but I’m trying to a confindent and show him I’m happy and he might want me back.

  16. jay
    August 25, 2014 | 1:05 pm

    Hey, okay so my ex and I haven’t been together since may we split up and he immediately got in to another relationship what may have been a rebound, anyway I didn’t speak to him whilst he was with the new girl (apart from once I’d run in to him on a night out with friends we got talking and he told me he wasn’t happy with the new girl and was telling me that when we were together he did love me but I had to many problems and it couldn’t work, he was bringing up memories and things and we had a good conversation and then left it at that) but then around 3 weeks ago they split up and I seen my ex on another night out we had both had a lot to drink and one thing lead to another, anyway we decided to keep it between us (I have told only close friends as its a big deal for me what happened) anyway after that we spoke a few times and I let him know i was there for him with him going through a break up and he was responding and then he stopped completely. I ran in to him a few days later and he never spoke to me I text him and said thanks for speaking (sarcastically) I received a text back the next day saying that he isn’t talking to anyone at the minute he needs time for himself and wants to focus on his work and not to take it personally. I found out at the weekend he had been on a night out with other girls I was a bit upset but I couldnt say anything, anyway I text him last night and he never replied. So is there any chance I could get him to miss me and would blocking him on facebook and deleting his number for a while be a good thing while I do NC I want to start working out and get in shape I want him to see me looking great of I run in to him


    • admin
      August 26, 2014 | 12:45 pm

      Is he still with the new girl?

      • jay
        August 27, 2014 | 12:03 am

        No he isn’t with the new girl anymore we spoke after they split up things were going okay he was intiating conversation and then he just stopped texting after a few days I text him and his reply was ‘I don’t have time for anyone at the minute I’m not speaking to anyone until my head is sorted out I’m just focusing on my work, don’t take it personally I’m not talking to anyone at the minute’ i text back saying I thought you wanted to be friends and I never got a reply, I foolishly text him after 1 week NC saying I was out (with a mutual friend) and asked if he wanted to join us for drinks I never got a reply also I heard he was out at the weekend in a bar with a girl, what should I do from now on I want him to miss me.


  17. Anon
    August 18, 2014 | 9:37 pm

    Hey man. This article is really great. The worst part is that I got myself into this mess already knowing this stuff! I’m sort of in damage control mode now.

    I broke up with my boyfriend about 6 months ago. Since then I haven’t been seeing anyone however I recently started talking to a guy I’ve known for awhile again. I always had a thing for him and we did kiss at a party once but we were very drunk so I didn’t think anything of it.

    I should say this comment isn’t about my ex boyfriend, it’s about the new guy, but I’m still really hoping you can help. We were out on Friday night, and he was talking to me and flirting with me all night, like really going out of his way to spend time with me.
    This is where I messed it up. I asked if he wanted to come home with me, so we did and I slept with him. I don’t regret it because I do like him, but I definitely regret doing it so soon since he hasn’t talked to me a whole lot since. I realise that I may have already ruined it and stupidly when I should’ve been in NC mode, I sent him a couple of messages.

    I’m just wondering if I’ve already blown it or if it’s worth trying to salvage? I really like him or I’d have given up by now. Do you think he’ll even care if I’m NC if he hasn’t replied to my messages?

    • admin
      August 19, 2014 | 2:27 pm

      Would you say this friend of yours is a bit of a player?

      • Anon
        August 19, 2014 | 5:37 pm

        Yes lol

      • kahbee
        August 22, 2014 | 12:48 am

        will NC work on a girl? do you have a site for guys who want to get their ex girlfriend back

      • Anon
        August 22, 2014 | 11:52 pm

        OK when you asked me that I thought in answering yes, hey I guess that’s my answer. It’s nearly a week since I’ve been following NCR and he sent me a message about an hour ago saying he’s been sick all week, which is ironic because I am as of kinda last night too.

        I’m gonna finish NC after 30 days then we’ll see. Thank you!

  18. kahbee
    August 15, 2014 | 8:18 pm

    I been with my ex for 2 years and 2 months. He dumped me last saturday. I was being very stubborn to him when he wanted to hang with his friends but I insist he hang with me, I kept telling him I would talk to him weeks later and hurt his feelings. I felt awful. Is there anyway to win him back. He was a very good bf.

  19. Tia
    August 15, 2014 | 7:20 pm

    Hi Chris

    Love your stuff, just one question.
    My boyfriend of 4 months been having a tough time in and out of hospital of late, he has no family and feels pretty alone other than me so I have tried not to bother him with stuff that might add stress. Thing is I now also have some hospital problems of my own but I wasn’t sure if I should burden him with more, I wanted his support as I am pretty scared.
    He’s made time for me, introduced me to his friends as his girl, asked if we should get a place together in a couple of months, talked about the future but never really put a label on what we are doing. Last weekend I asked him if we had a future and where things where going so I could know if I should share my worries and he freaked out and said he needed more time to think so I called it quits. I really regret this, it was very irrational and I panicked.
    I apologised after three days but not mentioned about why I acted out, then a few days later sent a positive text to see if he would respond and I’ve heard nothing back from either.
    Do I send a final contact explaining what was going but also wishing him well on then go into no contact or will that make me seem needy?
    Would I be better going straight into no contact?
    I don’t want to make things worse.

    Thanks x

    • admin
      August 18, 2014 | 12:25 pm

      I think you would be better going straight into NC.

  20. ronnie
    August 15, 2014 | 3:50 am

    I figure you could help from the other side too? Me And my gf were dating for 8 months. Everything was perfect , like the first day we met . Until I started slacking and treating not bad, but not to my full potential. She broke up with me because of it. Going out and doing her thing. After 2 weeks we worked it out and had been great since. A week ago she said she needed to experience life and do her before she could settle down with me. which I understand. I have been nothing but a gentleman to her, massages after work, cooking whenever she was hungry, opening doors etc… She always said she would marry me one day and that I was perfect, the man of her dreams etc.. she couldn’t see to me to give me my stuff back so got it out of her truck and and she had left a note saying that. She had to do this, she hopes I will understand. And she can never be happy without experienc ing the social life. Which she never has. And that she. hoped God would bring us back together. Recently my buddy showed me where she had posted that she was happy and that she was glad I was no longer holding her down. I have made no contact with her since the breakup. I wished her the best said I’d always love her and have been waiting since. How do I go about this? She is my soulmate and all I want in life.

    • admin
      August 15, 2014 | 2:54 pm

      Check out my Ex Girlfriend Recovery site :)

  21. monae
    August 14, 2014 | 2:39 pm

    Hey please someone help me,

    I have been seein this guy for almost a year now and 3 weeks ago he broke up with me because he said things are getting heavy for him other then that he said he doesn’t find my sexually attractive anymore cause i gain weight but he looked so confused one min he will say another thing we argued all all night but we ended up kissing and having sex again but he told me he cant deal with emotions, when dropping me off i told him to go n have a night out do whatever he wish for 2 weeks and will see after that if that’s what he wants and ill work on my weight etc, when i got home he rang me and asked me if i arrived home safely etc we didn’t talk for 6 days so i called him and he called me back i i told him i wanted to check if everything was alright we talked normal, we haven’t spoken since but deep down i still believe he loves me ?? And the worst part is i have to go back to his county and resit my exams and his the only person i known there should i go and stay at his place or call i dont know pls help

  22. shreya
    August 13, 2014 | 7:10 pm

    i was in a relationship wid a guy from past 3 years. 2years before he had become frnd to a gal from his college and i saw her flirting wid my bf. Wenever we both met she always use to call him and ask why u did nt attend clg. I got angry n told him not to talk to her bt he refused so i conducted a loyalty test. I made fake account of a boy and use to chat wid my bf from tht account to check if he luvs me or not and use to say tht leave ur gf i wnt her just to check out if he is serious abt me or not.I was happy coz he really cared about me. But last month he asked me that was tht boy real so i said no it was me only who created fake account n use to chat wid him just to cross check. I did it coz i rly did not like him talking to tht gal and i really love him a lot n neva wanted to lose him. He did break up wid me last month n has blockedme from watsapp, fb everywhere mn said he has a gf now. Wat shud i do? he is my first luv n i m madly in luv wid him? also i m fat n he always complained about my fatness. Wat shud i do? will he ever come back to me?

    • admin
      August 14, 2014 | 12:08 pm

      Well, firstly you have to know that its creepy to create a fake account like that, right?

  23. jasmine
    August 13, 2014 | 3:21 pm

    Hey!I didn’t broke up with my boyfriend for real but he’s insisting on breaking up with me. He said that he wants space. I want to give it to him but the thing is we’re living together and right now I don’t have any place to live. I mean I’m here at abroad and my family live in my homeland. Is it possible to get him back and love me again? I haven’t message him the whole day today because I don’t want to talk about breaking up. So he messaged and called me some minutes ago and asked what am I doing. Do you think he still care about me?
    I’m really trying hard to fix our relationship but he said that it’s not working anymore. Can you give me some advise on what to do? I still love him. Is it too late to do something for our relationship to work?

    • admin
      August 14, 2014 | 11:21 am

      So, tehcnically you two aren’t broken up?

  24. Marry
    August 13, 2014 | 3:45 am

    I broke up with my boyfriend about 2 month ago. We pretty much broke up through texting and he didn’t even bothered to give a call or chase me. He told me I deserve better than what he was giving me and he wishes a good life for me. We don’t have any sort of contacts at all for the past 2 month. I badly wanna MSG him as I miss him a lot lately but I’m scared of all this things that come to my head. Like if he gonna reply back, if he gonna think I’m too desperate for him. Or even if we do get bk together somehow, I don’t want him to tell me down the track that he didn’t wanted me and I went bk to him. I’m so confused and this stupid questions drive me more mad! I tried so hard to forget him, but it’s reali hard as he was my first boyfriend. I just don’t know wat to do??

    • Marry
      August 15, 2014 | 2:35 pm

      I broke up with my boyfriend about 2 month ago. We pretty much broke up through texting and he didn’t even bothered to give a call or chase me. He told me I deserve better than what he was giving me and he wishes a good life for me. We don’t have any sort of contacts at all for the past 2 month. I badly wanna MSG him as I miss him a lot lately but I’m scared of all this things that come to my head. Like if he gonna reply back, if he gonna think I’m too desperate for him. Or even if we do get bk together somehow, I don’t want him to tell me down the track that he didn’t wanted me and I went bk to him. I’m so confused and this stupid questions drive me more mad! I tried so hard to forget him, but it’s reali hard as he was my first boyfriend. I just don’t know wat to do??

      • admin
        August 18, 2014 | 12:12 pm

        Try NC. Were you his first girlfriend?

        • Marry
          August 24, 2014 | 1:40 pm

          Na I wasn’t his first gf! But I msged him yesterday after 2 and a half month, and he actually replied bk to me. So wat I do now.?

  25. Sarah
    August 11, 2014 | 7:04 pm

    Hi, I broke up with my boyfriend of 7 years in September of 2013. WE got back together then in January of 2014. However, the relationship only lasted a couple of weeks as we were both studying in separate universities and I was confused about the future of our relationship due the distance. So I ended the relationship again. We did not speak after we broke up. I started drinking heavily and going out a lot. My ex knew I was out partying a lot as we are still friends on facebook. I think this gave him the impression that I was not bothered by the breakup, but I was, I was drinking excessively to numb the pain. Five months past and I finally received a text from him saying I hope you are good and congratulating me for passing my final year exams. We exchanged a few casual texts that day and that was it. Then five weeks later I decided to text him saying hello and hope you are keeping well, but he did not reply. So a few days later I sent him a message saying I missed him and I was sorry for everything. I told him I wouldn’t text again as I felt he was ignoring me. Why did he not text me back?? Im confused, has he gotten over me????? please help I don’t know what to do.

    • admin
      August 12, 2014 | 11:52 am

      I know I just answered but one more thing, he probably holds some resentment from you breaking things off again.

  26. sasha
    August 11, 2014 | 6:54 pm

    Hi, I broke up with my boyfriend of 7 years in September of 2013. We got back together then in January of 2014 as I really missed him. However, the relationship only lasted a couple of weeks as we were both studying in separate universities and I was confused about our future, in terms of a long distance relationship. So I ended the relationship again. I really missed him again so I started drinking and going out all the time as I needed something to numb the pain. My ex knows I was drinking and going out quite a lot as we are still friends on Facebook. I think this gave him the impression that I was not bothered by the break up. We had not spoken for five months, until he text me in early July saying I hope you are keeping good and well done on passing all your exams(these were my final year exams). We exchanged a few casual texts that day and that was it. Then about four weeks later I text him to say hello and see how he was keeping, but he never replied? I text a couple of days later again saying that I missed him and I was sorry for the way things worked out and said I wont bother you again. Why has he not text me back? I really miss him, has he gotten over me??? please help I don’t know what to do.

    • admin
      August 12, 2014 | 11:51 am

      I know you miss him but don’t tell him that. Let HIM be the one that says that to you first.

  27. Ellie
    August 10, 2014 | 4:31 pm

    I met a man online and started dating him a few months ago. He asked me to be exclusive right away. He’s 66 ( his online profile says 62, I’ve often though that he was a little insecure on lacked self esteem) and Im 44 and often referred to by men as beautiful and sexy. Anyway this man Ive been dating for a few months ends up by accident contacting one of my friends on the dating site ( I thought he was off the site). He’s asking her all the same questions he’d asked me in the beginning. Apparently he never went off the site but I did shortly before we started dating ( we we corresponding by text, phone and email at this point) I went off the site due to a low quality of men and too many perverts. Anyway, I responded emotionally to this information and sent him a text stating he contacted one of my friends on the dating site and that I was done. He responded right away with, “What???? Im not online”. I responded with a photo of his profile with ONLINE NOW. He waited two hours and responded with the ever so lame, “I was hack, and he read an article about military men getting hacked to elicit money from unsuspecting women”. I didn’t respond because I received his response an hour after I had fallen asleep for the night (I’m in bed at 10pm like clockwork and he knows this.. his text was after 11). Neither one of us made contact the next morning, but later that day I sent him a heartfelt email basically stating: That I will miss him and that I already do… I listed all the things I really loved about him and us together… I said that there are lots of men that feel the grass could always bee a little greener, and that was fine, but its not for me. I said I couldn’t make someone a priority who only makes me an option. I sent the email along with a text stating an email had been sent and I wasn’t sure if he had given me a junk mail account in the beginning… and this was the reason for the text. I never heard back from him via text or email… he completely dropped all contact. Its been over three weeks and I haven’t tried contacting him either.

    My question:
    1. Who is doing the no contact? obviously he is and so am I but I initiated the break up and he started no contact with no response.

    2. Now what? I miss him, but I don’t feel like he misses me because he just closed the door with no response… I still haven’t contacted him either, but its difficult.

    BTW: about a month after we met I was PMSing and broke it off because the distance of an hour was too much and we were only seeing each other ever 7-10 days and after we would see each other he would lay low for three days and then come back all hot and heavy. ( his online profile says he lives 30 minutes from me on a military base, but in reality he used to be assigned to the base and now lives an hour from me with friends on their farm.. again he’s vague with details) I told him I felt like a boomerang… I sent him a text a few days later apologizing and explained I have terrible PMS 4 days a month and it was totally my fault, it was mostly my fault. He didn’t respond for two days (he apparently met someone else from the site and it didn’t work out after the met in person. I broke it off on a Thursday and he was meting another woman by Saturday ) so he responded to my text ( I only found out about this stuff after we were back together). I never really thought that he had a high self esteem. And clearly he has issues with being alone.

    • admin
      August 11, 2014 | 11:41 am

      I am going to say something you dont want to hear.

      This guy is bad news. He is praying on women and is going to take advantage and hurt you…

      • Ellie
        August 11, 2014 | 8:40 pm

        Thank you, I agree completely. Sometimes you just need to hear someone else say it. That being said, he’s already hurt me, or my ego ( but it feels like my heart). What I’d like to understand is the “no contact” part in my scenario. I broke up with him, sent him a very nice email and he never responded and he went completely silent… so I did also. Its been over three weeks, player or not, in this scenario does he eventually contact me? And why did he go silent (busted? taking control? Waiting for me to forget?). I would love your insight, you’re a great writer and seem to know what you’re talking about. Honesty, he’s very average looking and looks 66, but I liked him. My point is Im the 10 and e’s the 5. Its generally the reason why I date older men is because they have an appreciation for a younger, “hot” woman and in return for me (theoretically) they are stable in reality, nurturing, well mannered, more touchy feely and treat me as if I’m the only woman on the planet… opposed to younger men who are always looking for greener grass. Anyway, thank you for your help, I very much appreciate the input.

        • admin
          August 12, 2014 | 12:03 pm

          I would say he might eventually contact you but I honestly feel that’s more likely to happen if you move on.

          Guys tend to be more attracted to things they can’t have than to things they can.

          • Ellie
            August 14, 2014 | 11:28 pm

            Im at 30 days, exactly today! And guess what? I no longer miss him. Yes, I think about him, however my thoughts are no longer of the highlight reel giving him the benefit of the doubt and leaving me wondering it it was me and not him. My time has been filled with going out and being more social and bumping up my fitness routine. During NC when I’d start wonder about him and taking it personally I’d read all of these women’s post and pain and I realized that some men are just lame and don’t deserve these amazing women longing for them. Easier said than done, but in all honesty spend your NC time wisely, nobody ever regrets exercise, and nobody ever regrets getting over a bad relationship. I will not be sucked into dating groundhog day :) Thanks for the help, you and your blog thats not a blog made a massive difference!

            • admin
              August 15, 2014 | 2:45 pm

              I think your my hero!

              I am so glad my writing made a difference in your life.

  28. Abby
    July 25, 2014 | 8:59 pm

    My ex broke up with me 2 weeks ago after 6 years, I’ve kinda sucked about the NC rule to be honest but its just super hard after all those years. I feel robbed of years and broken he says he wasn’t happy being with me or happy with himself either and that he needed to find himself, he also cut out everyone including his friends and best friend out of his life.

    Any advice?

    • admin
      July 28, 2014 | 2:28 pm

      Understandable when you are with someone for that long its hard to adapt but you really need to do the NC.

  29. Jenny
    July 23, 2014 | 1:34 am

    hello ,
    well me and my ex boyfriend were dating for 5 months he broke up with me after an argument we had , we got back together after that (next month 6/4/14) he asked me out that day because our actual date was 2/4/14 we broke up 2 weeks later he told me “listen Jen I think you can do better your smart , beautiful , sweet all that , ever since we broke up I lost feelings for you it just wasn’t the same anymore”, we haven’t talked in a little more than a month and today is 7/22/14 we havent at all , and I just miss him so much I want him back honestly we did everything together , I miss US so badly ive actually been depressed about this just missing him its been very hard on me lately

    • admin
      July 24, 2014 | 2:44 pm

      Were there any warning signs or was this completely out of the blue…

  30. chinadoll
    July 21, 2014 | 5:10 pm

    Hi i have been dating this guy for 6 months and we hit it off right away. but this pass week he has been distance from me for no reason. I finally talk to him the other day. He told me that it’s not you it’s me and he wasn’t ready for a relationship and that he was moving too fast. Now my feelings is involved deeply andn I love him and he says he loves me too. What do I do about this.

    • admin
      July 22, 2014 | 2:13 pm

      Did he break up with you?

  31. Brown bug
    July 18, 2014 | 10:10 pm

    I was talking to a guy for two and a half months. We both really liked each other but he was going away to study abroad for a month so we decided to wait to start a relationship until he got back. The entire time we spoke everyday and Skyped each other. The entire time before he left we were both excited to start a relationship together. Well when he got back he said he had doubts and then told me he doesn’t have feelings for me. I thought we just needed space from each other because we were kind of always in each others faces always talking and texting. I suggested a break but he just wanted to end it. He finally agreed to a two week break and I’m one week in and I’ve kind of accepted that it’s going to be over no matter what. But what I’m wondering is if there’s any chance he might change his mind. Maybe he just needed space to figure out that I really matter to him. Is this at all possible or should I just continue moving on and not bothering to contact him after the initial two weeks are up.

    • admin
      July 21, 2014 | 3:53 pm

      I think a little space would be a good idea in this instance.

  32. Jordan Gillespie
    July 18, 2014 | 5:32 pm

    Ok so I was seeing someone for 6 weeks almost there, he was completely spoiling me, taking me away weekends, out for dinner and drinks etc also put a deposit down on a holiday just the day before he ended things. Now the thing is we haven’t ever argued or fell out as technically it was still honeymoon period for us and we were completely so happy. Everything he said and one was amazing and then I got a text from him saying how his mum though I was too young for him so he said he thinks it is for the best to end things, now I am 21 and he is 30, age to me is just a number and he genially was so so happy. I couldn’t believe he was honestly listening to his mum and letting her make choices for him however I then thought this isn’t the truth because he told me he didn’t care about age as I act a lot older than I am and made him happy. He only broke up with his ex about 2 months ago and he told me there was nothing left he didn’t feel anything to her as she cheated on him many times and told me there just something there with me. Now I at the start did not want to feel like a rebound so I asked him on we’d after we ended things on Tuesday is she back on the scene and he replied ‘there’s not a chance in hell of that happening again, I feel I have rushed into this too quickly and need to sort myself out with a flat first, I hope you aren’t fallen out with me over my decision’ now the age has nothing to do with the break up! I just need advice on this as he genially wouldn’t have said everything he did or done what he done spoiled me etc and then do this! I have not contacted him since Wednesday, however he said on Tuesday he would bring my stuff to me on Friday night which is tonight, I have not heard anything and I have no intension of texting him as I really hope he is thinking he has made a mistake. I do not want to seem bothered and I do not want to give him the time of the day like I am clinging onto him. If he really wanted me gone he would have been and gone with my stuff by now am I right? Can anyone give me advice on what to do, how to make him realise and what he’s missing etc, he don’t have Facebook or anything which I hardly use but he sees that I come on whatsapp etc. I feel proud I haven’t contacted him but I have this weird feeling inside me that i might have a chance still is this normal? Does the NC rule really work?

    • admin
      July 21, 2014 | 3:06 pm

      Yes, the no contact rule can really work!!

  33. dalel
    July 18, 2014 | 3:56 am

    hey my ex is with anothe girl he loves her i guess but she brokeup with him today, my friend talked to him for mybe we can getting back togather but he told him a lot of thinks witch it hurts a lot he said that he’s no longer love me and he doesn’t want me and he hates the day he met me, and all what we had was just a lie, but in the same time he was dating that girl something happend it was when our football national team went to the second term we all went to celebrate in the street so in that time i lost my little brother in the croud so i start freaking out and crying so he followed me and helped me to find him and we did after that we walked alone in an empty street and it wa 01:00 am and then he kissed me and said that he loves me and never wanna see me cry again, no we never talked and i really miss him i want him back i just need some help

    • admin
      July 18, 2014 | 4:04 pm

      You should give him a little time to get over his current ex so YOU don’t become the rebound.

  34. Second Chance Glutton
    July 15, 2014 | 3:01 am

    hi Chris,
    I can see that you’ve been dealing with some pretty crazy relationship experiences, and unfortunately I think I have another one for your scrutiny.
    my ex (aaron) and I met about six months ago online and immediately hit it off and messaged back and forth every day. because of our equal honesty and compatible personalities, we both started developing feelings for eachother. during this time, we were both in troubled relationships, my boyfriend was cheating on me incessantly (no matter the second and third chance) and his girlfriend was not around very much, and was awfully jealous. I finally got away from my ex, and soon after Aaron broke it off with his girlfriend. he told me it was because of his feelings for me, partly. of course, our relationship was on a track towards serious relationship, and I couldn’t have been happier.

    sadly, I had made a huge mistake.

    my previous boyfriend and I had a very serious and deep relationship, and when he came crawling back to me, even though I was trying to move on with Aaron, I ruined everything when I decided to leave Aaron for him. this broke aarons heart, and at first he responded with anger. it didn’t take long for my boyfriend to cheat on me again, and Aaron was there for me as a friend. It was then that I realized I had made a huge mistake. I begged and begged Aaron for a second chance and after a while he succumbed.
    our relationship went back to how it was before, but I ruined it yet again.

    I felt that our relationship was boring, and he didn’t seem to be showing much emotion or effort, and so like an idiot, I started playing games. I became very stoic and blank, and he finally asked what was going on. well, not really asked. it was more like a statement. “so are we not going to try anymore?” is what he said. pride filled my mind, and I wanted him to fight for me. can you believe my nerve? after I had pleaded for a second chance, and now I wanted HIM to fight for ME? of course, he saw how screwed up that was and I decided to leave, because I obviously hadn’t put my foot far enough down my throat.

    the problem is, now I want him back. desperately. I’ve learned from my mistakes, apologized and tried to fix them. but he will not budge. he said he can’t take us seriously because he thinks that I will just leave again.
    plus theres some other girl he met, and he doesn’t want to ruin it before it begins.

    at this point, you’re probably wondering what on earth my question is. I just want to know what I can do to fix what I’ve done and get him back. right now I’m doing the NC rule, I told him I needed time to get over him.
    but I’m afraid if I stick with that rule and don’t do anything else he will move on with that girl he met.

    thanks for your time and your insightful articles,

    • admin
      July 15, 2014 | 3:24 pm

      Oh man…

      So, heres how AAron feels.

      “I left my girlfriend for her and she did this to me.”

      That is probably swimming around in his head a lot.

  35. Kelly
    July 14, 2014 | 3:10 am

    My ex and I dated a little over a year. He was my first love and sad to say still is. We broke up 2 years ago but about 2 weeks ago he followed me on twitter and instagram. I returned the follow. Now I have completely gone kinda insane thinking what does this mean? And I can’t help but look at his page every day and tweet hints toward him. Basically I’ve made myself look pathetic but I want to change that now. Finding someone else is basically a no go because I always catch myself finding flaws about another guy that isn’t him. He doesn’t subtweet or retweet any of my tweets and he hasn’t liked any of my pictures of me except for one that was a bible verse. What do I do? I need help ASAP.

  36. Carol
    July 13, 2014 | 6:03 pm


    I met a guy on line and we dated for 3 weeks. We had an instant connection. We have a lot in common and enjoy each others company very much.

    I take dance lessons and have for 7 months now. A hobby I took up after a 21 year marriage ended. I go out at least once every weekend to the dance club (truly a dance club where co-dancers all get together for practise). He thinks I’m seeing someone else, and I am not. Somehow he is sure I did because one night I was at a house party and left my phone at home. Since my kids 15 and 25 were together, I didn’t worry and stayed at the party but was home just after 11. He doesn’t believe me and broke up with me. His comment was that he had better things to worry about that where I am and who I am with. Of course this hurt my feelings.

    I know he is hurt but is he really? or is this a way to get rid of me? His last relationship ended at 4 months and it seemed to me he may have not been ready. That being said, I can’t remember the last time I felt so at ease with someone. I am an attractive woman and in the past I was a model. He is defiantly my type, tall, fit and handsome and a bit nerdy…which I LOVE! BUT….he thinks I’m out of his league. Is this part of the problem??? I am a lot nerdier than he has seen.

    When is it a sign that he is not into you? I want to believe he is but I am not sure what to do? I have cut contact with him. Blocked him from my phone and took him off FB. I did this more for me because I don’t want to see what he is up to. But….I miss him.

    Any suggestions for insights? Is he worth pursing? With the NC rule, should I go back on the dating site we met on? It would be for the wrong reasons since I am not ready to give up on him.

    • admin
      July 14, 2014 | 3:23 pm

      You only dated for 3 weeks?

      And if he thinks you are out of his league he may be worried about other men hitting on you. Some men can’t deal with that.

  37. this girl
    July 10, 2014 | 7:54 pm

    The last comment from “aggressive aggressive” sounds like me and my ex as far as behavior/personality.

    My ex and I were crazy in love and both that us finding one another was “it,” dated six months and then he dumped me…he said he needed more time to himself and I was just too much…that I didn’t listen to him…and maybe some space would make us stronger down the road. I didn’t take it too well, and did all the classic things one should not do to try to get him back (except the crazy stalker stuff…skipped out on doing anything creepy – lol). Of course, this pushed him away… I see him all the time. We have a lot of the same close, close friends that neither of us would like to loose…and some of them play music and we’re involved in a lot of community things…point is, even trying to avoid him …I bump into him frequently. The NC was never put into place b/c of this… and I think he’s starting to get over me. We’ve hooked up and what not… but throughout the last 3 months, I think this has all just made it more comfortable for him to start getting over me. ..

    What can I do now? I still miss him. I still want him back…and I feel he’s starting to drift.

    • admin
      July 11, 2014 | 2:20 pm

      Or comfortable to be FWB

  38. Adrienne
    July 10, 2014 | 6:51 pm

    What if you broke up with them for whatever reason (in my case, he needs to grow up)? My ex is very angry with me and is responding childishly by trying to make me jealous. Do the same principles apply?

    • admin
      July 11, 2014 | 2:00 pm

      Absolutely they do.

  39. Amanda
    July 10, 2014 | 4:42 am

    Hi chris! Did everything in your book and it worked! I look ed for your guidance a year ago. Explained my story… Perfect relationship happy etc one day out of the blue he broke up w me. Talked 2 months later and he told me he wanted to try and get back together w his ex. He had all kinds of romantic gestures with his ex . She said no. He continued his way trying to be w someone new and me all the while… Following the rules. I heard she was not in love w him. Him and I talked I mentioned it as a casual friend would. He told me he wanted to get back together that he missed me once he realized he was not happy w the second girl. He said then and only then he had realized what he had left behind back then. He said he found me so much more centered in my life and he liked that! So, I say yes… Easily and quickly :( we were together 4 months and we started fighting like we never had in our first relationship w each other. Things were completely different I couldn’t be lovable wanting to punch him in the face all the time my feelings were so hurt knowing all the things he had done for his ex to try and get back together, . He didn’t do half those things for me and it broke my heart :( but to be honest I didn’t let him (I took him back too easily) anyway he broke up w me several times and at first tried to stay in touch a lot we would get back together in weeks etc but this time he seems so much more detached more decisive. Less open to considering getting back together wanting his space etc. so… Here it is… A) can the program work again ? Even if the first time he had something good to remember and this time it was a disaster? B) how do I make him chase me not only want to get back together but chase so maybe this time he values the relationship? C) what book do you recommend?

    • admin
      July 10, 2014 | 2:37 pm

      Its not out of the question that it will work again but I am going to honest, I feel it will be less effective since youve already used it.

  40. Stacey
    July 4, 2014 | 8:39 am

    Hey chris. So its been about 8 weeks since the break up.
    2 weeks after the break up he was doing the things you wrote hed do if he misses me. He hasnt repeated those signs of missing me since week two. He came by my place to pick up stuff he forgot and he responded neutrally maybe a twinge of possitivity. He didnt day much he just asked how i was doing. I went to his page yesterday and hes removed all exsistence of our relationship together from his facebook. Untagging photos people took of us, deleting profile pictures with me in them. Now Im thinking i had my chance and i blew it and now hes possibly bitter idk. Is it possible to stop missing an ex at only 8 weeks? And if so how do i proceed if he no longer misses me?

    • admin
      July 7, 2014 | 5:49 pm

      I suppose anything is possible but I think he still misses you but maybe it will lessen more and more over time.

  41. zac
    June 27, 2014 | 10:30 am

    Hi chris,
    Your article is nice. But am a bit confused.

    I am in a relationship since two years. In the initial six months of the relationship he came up with a reason that his mom is not agreeing for our marriage. Then we had a mutual break off and I did not contact him for a week then he called me back and he told he can’t be without me and he started crying. He promised he will make his family understand so I went back to this relationship after a few months he cashing me to come back. Then we went smoothly for some months.
    Now he came up with the same issue that his mom is not agreeing for our marriage. I am from India and in India arranged marriages are well known. His mother is seeking an arranged marriage for him and expecting a lot of money and dowry from the bride. I must say he is also double minded. Now it’s been 1 month that am crying and showing affection to hold him back but things are not working out. Still he saying the same that mom is not agreeing. Finally he agreed that he will talk to his mother again in 2 week simultaneously his mother is seeking other proposals for him and making him to talk to other rich girls.

    So in this situation what should I do. So after two weeks if he is saying the same thing should I initiate a break up in a cool way with don’t care attitude or just initiate a break up and crying and make him feel guilty or how it must be? Then i must plan for a no contact week? In this one week am scared that his mom will make him to talk to some other girl and reduce his pain? Or if I initiate the break off will he take that as a right moment to escape from this relationship? Or should I wait for him to initiate the break off. Coz I am getting that feel his mother’s attitude will not change after two week so he has to be stern at home to say that he needs me. I am not sure whether he gonna say that instead he would come and tell me that it’s not gonna work out.
    I really need him back in my life. I can’t be without him now.
    Kindly help me and answer all my doubts please. I am not able to go to my work since one month. If i say fine for a break off will be think that am really ok with it? am in a very bad situation.
    Thank you

    • zac
      June 27, 2014 | 10:46 am

      And one important thing is he told his mother that he totally broke up with me. but we are still in a relationship and our relationship doesn’t have any issue except his mother’s disapproval. so that is why he is again taking time to re-introduce the matter at home. but he is not stern since he cant hurt his mom too.. i am afraid if he dont feel the pain then he wont come back.

    • admin
      June 29, 2014 | 4:55 pm

      What was his moms reason for not wanting the marriage?

      • Zac
        June 29, 2014 | 6:34 pm

        Since they need more Dowry money, for that she saying just out hora cope is not matching but it’s matching we and my parents also checked it and it’s matching. Kindly give me a reply.thanks.

        • Zac
          June 29, 2014 | 6:35 pm

          * just saying that our horoscope is not matching.

          • Zac
            June 29, 2014 | 6:36 pm

            Will NC work in our case? Will he be stern to his mother?

            • admin
              June 30, 2014 | 2:29 pm

              I think NC is worth a shot.

  42. GL
    June 20, 2014 | 1:31 pm

    Hi Chris,

    I really like your articles! I have a couple questions if you would be so kind! :) I am trying NC now, but it’s hard…and there is a 90% chance I’ll see him this weekend at a festival.

    Question 1: How do I maintain the NC rule if I run smack into him?

    Also my situation is tricky, because I acted upon anger one to many times and blew up his phone with insulting texts.I was trying to force him into something he’s not ready for. (Don’t worry, he has done his share of jerk things). Well I’ve realized where my behavior has come from and I want him back. I want to show him I’m not this crazed person. My life is coming together the way I need it to, to be happy. I want him in it.

    I pushed him away by texting like a crazy person. He went from 100% into me and dropping the love bomb to: “I don’t want a relationship.” Well I stupidly tried to get him to step up by telling him a couple guys asked for my number at a bar.

    He promptly calls me, angry.

    “Why are you telling me about these guys? I don’t CARE. Are you trying to make me jealous? I don’t CARE!”

    Question 2: That sounded like jealousy to me, am I right? Things have been tumultuous between us, and I know he was hanging out with other girls, but I don’t say anything.

    I want him to be 100% about me again, and try it with the new knowledge about myself…I hadn’t dated in 2 years and really didn’t know how to just relax. Because he doesn’t “want a relationship,” I am definitely keeping my options open and talking with other guys. SIGH.

  43. Katie
    June 19, 2014 | 4:31 pm

    My boyfriend and I date for almost a year and we spent almost everyday together. We also live down the street from each other. He was never a feelings guy, never really showed when he was upset or overly excited.

    In our relationship, he always said I put in too much effort and he always felt bad. He would mention that he needed more time for work and his hobbies, but he would always agree to do stuff with me. We spent almost every night together, but still hadn’t said I love you or discussed marriage. Everything was going fine before he broke up with me, he was even trying to have sex with me the night before we broke up. Then, last week, he dumped me out of the blue saying that he wasn’t happy anymore and didn’t see us being long term; that he wanted to be on his own.

    I begged for him to give us another chance, but he said that he wasn’t going to change his mind and that me trying was only going to make it harder for me. I tried talking to him for the three days after but finally deleted all of his information and haven’t talked to him in 3 days.

    Will no contact work with someone who doesn’t get emotional and who basically said there wasn’t ever a chance? I miss him so much and it kills me that he’s not upset.

    • admin
      June 21, 2014 | 7:19 pm

      Yes, it can still work.

  44. Rachel
    June 18, 2014 | 1:21 pm


    Ive been dating this man for two weeks, I really like him, but feel he’s distracted. Im 44 and he’s 65. He says Im the only woman he is interested in and that Im the only woman he want to see.e sends me text non stop. Heres the deal… We met online, and he continues to check his (this dating site) account for emails and possibly chatting with other women. I know this to be fact because my girlfriend is on the same site, i have her password. Anyway, we finally slept together one afternoon. We spent the next four hours together hiking which was fun. We parted ways at 5pm and that night I didn’t hear from him. The next morning he sent me a generic text, “good Morning”, and I replied. Usually he send me multiple text, but after I replied, good morning back to him he stopped texting me. I knew he had a dentist appointment that morning, but it wasn’t on the moon. I waited about six hours and used my girlfriends account to see if maybe he was just busy, and sure enough he was, he was busy on the dating site. So, without any hesitation I sent him a text: (I was taking him to this warehouse of recycled materials I frequent, and he was interested in going to) BTW, thus far he’ll be the one to ask me out but leaves the planing to me (apparently he feels my life is more fascinating). Anyway I sent him a text via phone once I saw him on the dating site and he had not contacted me that day with anymore than a good morning.. Heres the text: I had a lot of fun with you yesterday and thank you for thinking to bring wine, it was great! (Im going to have to buy that label) Im so sorry to do this but Im going to have to cancel tomorrow. Its super hot and supposed to be around 100 and the warehouse doesn’t have air conditioning, so it will be miserable. Have a really great day and try to stay cool!! His reply to me was:Do you want to get together and do something else? My reply: Hey, Im not getting the vibe from you today that were a good match. You’ve been very distant (the whole reason why I generally wait to have sex) Im not much for those hot and cold games people play so I made other plans. His reply: I didn’t contact you much because I spent most of the morning in a dental chair (my thought was it was 6 hours! but I didn’t say anything) I haven’t changed at all nor have I cooled wanting to see you. Thursday morning I’ll probably be the same. Getting a root canal done that day. I thought I had told you about both of these appointments. My unspoken thought was sure you were busy, but she you weren’t you checked the dating site without checking in with me first. I didn’t respond to his last email at 2:30pm. and he hasn’t tried to contact me either, but he has been on the dating site. Just a few minutes ago (its the next day and 9:30am I got a text saying, “Good Morning”. So now what???

    • admin
      June 18, 2014 | 2:11 pm

      Well, if your in NC then you simply don’t respond….

      • Rachel
        June 18, 2014 | 4:11 pm

        I didn’t respond to his text yesterday at 1pm, so I shouldn’t respond to his text this morning at 930 am?

  45. Lindsay
    June 17, 2014 | 9:24 pm

    My ex boyfriend was complete passive aggressive, I am more an aggressive aggressive. We were together for 6th months and during our relationship I would push him to be more straight forward and assertive. I was getting frustrated with him and I guess I pushed him too far and he broke up with me. Afterwards I felt very guilty, so for the following week after he broke up with me I had been texting him trying to apologize for being so pushy and aggressive with him and telling him that I realize that I must learn to react and respond to his passive aggressive nature differently. He won’t budge. Is it too late to apply the no contact rule? And what should I say to initiate it?

    • admin
      June 18, 2014 | 1:31 pm

      Aggressive aggressive hahaha.. Believe it or not but I prefer this.

      Not too late for NC.

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