By Chris Seiter

Updated on September 1st, 2021

This is the ultimate guide for determining the signs that your ex boyfriend wants you back.

And I want to be clear about something.

This is NOT your average “signs my ex wants me back” post.

Yes, I will be talking about the key signs to keep an eye out for but you’re also going to see me going outside the box and talking about signs that you wouldn’t quite expect to be included.

As always, every sign we discuss on this page is based on our real life success stories.

These are the 18 real life signs that your ex wants you back after a breakup.

  1. You are getting consistent meaningful responses
  2. You learn that your ex is pretending to be over you
  3. You learn they aren’t coming back because they are scared
  4. Your ex grows jealous
  5. They begin to exhibit unconscious signs of interest
  6. They use pet names from the past
  7. You are at a place emotionally where you let them go
  8. Dramatic mood swings from positive to negative back to positive
  9. They want to rush the process
  10. They reach out to you more than you reach out to them
  11. They start wanting to plan ahead to the future
  12. They use a form of reverse psychology
  13. They like or comment almost every one of your new social media posts
  14. Their nostalgic reverie begins to show
  15. One of your mutual friends lets it slip that they still have feelings for you
  16. They come to your rescue every chance they get
  17. They literally tell you that they want you back
  18. They’ve been excessive about reaching out to you during no contact

Let’s talk about each of these in-depth.

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Sign #1: You Are Getting Consistent MEANINGFUL Responses

Let’s fast forward to the texting phase after a breakup – generally speaking, there are a few things that can happen when you get into a text conversation with your ex.

Your ex can respond or not respond. If they do respond, their response can be long or short and usually fall between negative, neutral, or positive categories. It’s time to really analyze your conversations with your ex and ask yourself where it’s going.

Are you having meaningful conversations?

After all, there’s a difference between an ex sending unengaged one-word replies like “cool” or “awesome” and them actually being engaged in a conversation with you.

One-word responses aren’t exactly indicative of a meaningful conversation so you need to see both the word count and actual context of your ex’s responses to see if they’re meaningful.

In a meaningful conversation, your ex will truly listen to what you have to say and then build off that and hit the ball back to you.

It should be this seamless ping-pong game where you both match each other’s energies and the conversations get deeper and more meaningful.

So, if you’re consistently having meaningful conversations with your ex, it’s a great sign that you are connecting with them on the level that you need to for them to come back.

Sign #2: You Learn That Your Ex Is Actually Only Pretending to Be Over You

In this case, your ex still wants you back but they’re a little too afraid to acknowledge that fact in public. Here a few things that might indicate that you’re in this situation:

Your ex refuses to do an item exchange

It’s pretty common to leave stuff over at each other’s place (or even share a living space) if you’re in a relationship so when you break up you will need your things back. Usually, that conversation and meeting go by pretty quickly and your ex will let you take everything that’s yours.

However, if your ex keeps avoiding the conversation and refuses to set a date for exchanging items, there’s a high chance they are not ready for the closure that follows that meeting yet. They are still literally holding onto parts of you and want to continue to see you.

Your ex tries to rile you up on social media

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Let’s say your ex deletes all of your pictures from their social media except one. Why would they do that? If they were so over you, why bother? It’s because they know you’ll be paying attention to their social media so they try to get a rise out of you. They obviously still care enough to hold onto a picture and they are just putting up an act to make it seem like they won the breakup.

Sign #3: You Learn the Only Reason They Haven’t Come Back to You Is That They’re Scared

In this situation, your ex wants to get you back but they’re scared to breach that invisible wall and fully recommit to you. Here are a few signs your ex might still want you but is too scared to directly say that:

Your ex mentions they’ve never had a connection like the two of you have

If your ex says things like “I’ve never told anyone this before” or “no one understands me like you do”, there’s a high chance they want you back but are just too scared of that leap of crossing the psychological barrier and being back in an exclusive relationship.

Your ex starts seeing someone new, but still talks to you more

If your ex has “moved on” to someone new but is still talking to you more than they talk to their new partner it’s a great indicator that they are unsatisfied with their current relationship.

Why would they seek emotional support from you if their new relationship was better?

They’ve now realized that they had the “grass is greener syndrome” and thought they could do better than you but they were wrong.

Now they can’t form that bond with anyone else and probably want you back but are too scared to say.

Sign #4: Your Ex Grows Jealous

One of our favorite success stories comes from a woman named Sarah Michelle. Sarah’s story is unique because I interviewed her twice as she technically got her ex back twice.

The first time was pretty standard where her ex gave her the whole “I don’t love you anymore, we’re never getting back together again” spiel…and then got back with her.

In fact, he didn’t just get back in a relationship with her but also proposed to her, only to break up again.

Sarah decided to go through our process again to see if it would work twice… it did, but not how she expected.

The second time around our process helped her realize she didn’t want her ex back anymore and she moved on to someone else.

Her ex returned immediately after she started dating a new guy because he was too jealous to see her with someone else. He literally could not stop thinking about her.

So, if you go out on dates and see your ex getting jealous, he’s probably still into you and there’s a good chance he’ll come back.

Sign #5: They Repeatedly Exhibit One of The Following Unconscious Signs of Interest

This is where we get deep and notice the slightest unconscious signs your ex exhibits when they’re getting close to committing to you again. Here are those unconscious signs that your ex is interested in you:

  • If your ex leans towards you, they’re attracted to you. Inversely, leaning away from someone shows repulsion.
  • If your ex blushes a lot when you talk about them or stories of the past.
  • Mirroring – when your ex mirrors your body language and behaviors.
  • If your ex is constantly smiling when you’re out on a date

Having them reach out to you without you doing any extra work

Sign #6: Your Ex Slips and Uses Pet Names from The Past

When you’re in a relationship with someone, you probably don’t call them by their first name. Instead, you might use some pet names or terms of endearment like “babe”, “baby”, “love”, “honey” or whatever else floats your boat.

Pet names are basically synonymous with relationships and they show a level of shared trust and love.

If your ex accidentally slips up and calls you by the pet name they used before the breakup, it’s a great sign that they’re starting to see you as their partner again.

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Sign #7: You Get to A Place Emotionally Where You Let Go of Them

I would argue this is the most important thing for you to do if you want to get your ex back and it is completely beyond what everyone else recommends. Most people come at the approach of getting an ex back from strategic or tactical standpoints, e.g.

Do this thing and it will raise your chances of success. We recommend different strategies too but we’ve found that none of that matters if you don’t have the correct mindset.

According to our success stories, the biggest mental prerequisite to getting an ex back is getting to a point emotionally where you don’t care whether your ex comes back.

Now, this doesn’t mean you can’t still want your ex back, it just means that you’ve accepted they may not come back and that’s okay. There is great strength in embracing this and once you get to this mindset you’ll subconsciously send out signs on social media and in-person that raise alarms for your ex.

Your ex will quickly realize you’re not desperate to get them back anymore and they might lose you if they don’t commit ASAP. Usually, that’s enough to make them act and cross that psychological barrier of asking for a commitment.

So if you want a great sign that you are close to getting your ex back look inwards toward yourself to see if you are okay with losing them.

Sign #8: Dramatic Mood Swings From Positive To Negative Back To Positive

Anyone who has read my program knows I talk about “the pendulum” a lot.

The Pendulum (in this context): Is basically when a human being moves from one end of the “emotion” spectrum to the other and repeats the process several times.

Sound familiar?

Not only do people suffering from a breakup experience this phenomenon but exes who actually want you back experience it as well.

In order to understand why we must first talk a little about the science of breakups and how the brain processes them.

(If you aren’t the “science” type don’t worry. I’m not either but I promise this is super interesting and important to know.)

A few years ago researchers studying the brain of individuals going through a breakup found something fascinating.

When we experience the loss of a romantic partner we may actually experience cravings for that person very similar to a drug addict looking for a fix.

In other words, if an ex is trying to get you back they will probably act erratically and display these crazy mood swings.

Now, I know what you are thinking.

“Ok, that’s all very well and good but where’s the proof?”

The Case Study Of Exes Who Displayed Crazy Mood Swings

So, the first case study that I’d like to introduce to you today is actually a series of case studies.

One of my favorite things that to do on Ex Boyfriend Recovery is interacting with people in our Private Facebook Group which you get an opportunity to gain access to with a purchase of my best selling book.

It’s really cool because not only do I get to help people on a more personal level but I also get a lot of great information about the psychology behind “wanting an ex back.”

This was really hit home during an interview I did with a success story out of that  very Facebook Group.

About 12 minutes into the interview you can see us talking about the hundreds (now thousands) of people in the group who are going through incredibly difficult times.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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You’ll notice we were talking about this exact idea of the “pendulum swings” where a mood shifts from one end of the spectrum to the other and how common this behavior is.

Now, here’s the important thing to note.

Every single person in my Private Facebook Group wants their ex back.

Hence, my statement at the beginning of this section about this being a series of case studies.

Sign #9: They Want To Rush The Process

We live in the “now” age.

I’ve been recently watching Netflix’s “A Series of Unfortunate Events” which I’ll admit is aimed more towards kids than adults but I’m allowed to be a kid sometimes.

Anyways, there’s a character in the show that is obsessed with what’s “In” and what’s “Out.”

Basically, this character wants to be a part of all the “In” trends.

It’s funny to me because I am sure the author who wrote the books was making a commentary on how our society has become.

Not only are we so obsessed with what’s “IN” and “OUT” but after years of coaching individuals I believe we are also obsessed with “NOW.”

We want answers as soon as possible, right?

Before back in the Golden Age of the internet you used to have to perform a Google search on a big clunky computer.

Now we have all of these smart phones.

In other words, you can get answers sooner.

So, where am I going with this?

Well, if you find that your ex is trying to rush everything during the “courtship ritual” it might be a sign that they want you back.

the courtship ritual

Case Study Of Exes Who Rushed The Process

Can you do me a favor?

Can you take a look at this picture for me?

Now, without context this looks like a general success story and we have a lot of them scattered throughout this website.

But with context this success story can actually teach you something.

You see, this woman’s ex came back to her in record time. In fact, I think it might be the fastest success story we’ve ever had.

It’s pretty well known that it takes longer than 3 months to get an ex back if you are trying.

But this woman’s ex came back to her in days.

It was almost as if he was thinking,

“I’m just going to break up with her and move on with my life”

Only to immediately regret that decision and think,

“What have I done? I need to get her back as soon as possible.”

It’s a good sign if you see your ex consistently trying to rush the courtship ritual.

Sign #10: They Reach Out More To You Than You Reach Out To Them

I think one of the things that sets Ex Boyfriend Recovery apart from some of our competitors is the fact that we encourage our clients to take detailed notes throughout the process.

In fact, there have been a lot of times where I have mentioned that it is a good idea to keep a tally of the amount of text messages your ex has sent to you and how many you have sent back.

We’ve even had some people on our Private Facebook Group (which you can gain access to through The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Program) kick this idea into overdrive and detail everything.

We like recommending this since we feel sometimes some of the people we work with are too close to their situation to make impartial decisions.

However, if you map things out you can look at it from a very logical perspective and make the best decision without the blinders on.

Anyways, we noticed that as more and more of our clients started doing this the clients that tended to get their exes back were the ones with exes that reached out more to them than they reached out in return.

Interesting!

I feel a case study coming on.

The Case Study Of The Ex Who Can’t Stop Texting

I’m big on investment.

Now, just so we are clear I don’t mean investment from a monetary perspective. No, I’m talking about investment from a texting perspective.

It makes sense that an ex who texts you more than you text them is going to be more invested into a conversation than you, right?

Well, that was certainly the case for our client below,

I want you to notice how she started out kind of rough.

He wasn’t texting her at all so she had to text him first to open the lines of communication but once they were open…..

Watch out because he wouldn’t stop texting her.

This is a very good sign!

Sign #11: They Start Wanting To Plan Ahead To The Future

Throughout Ex Boyfriend Recovery you might notice me talking about this concept of “future pacing.”

Sound familiar?

No?

Well, let me give you some context. Most of the clients that I work with are trying everything they can to get their exes back.

Therefore, a lot of what I try to teach them is how to naturally build an attraction with an individual and one of the best ways to do that is to “future pace” in a conversation.

This is where you imagine a potential future together with them.

I’ll give you an example.

Let’s say you are talking to your ex and somewhere in a conversation with them you make this comment,

“Wouldn’t it be great to go to Paris?”

Upon hearing this your ex immediately imagines you and them together in Paris.

Even though this is all happening subconsciously your ex is reframing how they view you in their head.

Well, it turns out that “future pacing” works both way .

If your ex subtly slips in “potential futures” together that is a really good sign.

The Case Study Of The Ex Who Future Paced

I have a great case study for this one.

I draw a lot upon our Private Facebook Group but that tends to be where we have the most success stories happening because that’s where we spend most of our time interacting with our audience.

Also, I coach exclusively out of the Private Facebook Group so that’s where people tend to get the very best advice.

A few months ago my wife was working with a woman in the group and this woman was super disappointed with how the process was going.

In fact, at one point her ex went as far as saying,

“There’s no way that I’m ever going to get married.”

Pretty strong words…

Anyways, after a series of interesting events her ex ended up saying this to her last week,

“I’m never getting married… except maybe to you. I’d marry you.”

Do you see what happened there?

He essentially future paced the woman in our group.

He is imagining a future with his ex where they get married. Now, he didn’t say it outright but these things are never that cut and dry.

Often we operate in that grey area of the human psyche.

Here’s the point.

He says this to her and then ultimately gets back with her.

Sign #12: They Use A Form Of Reverse Psychology

No one really talks about this one and if I am being totally honest I would have never guessed it was a sign an ex would exhibit if I wasn’t looking specifically for case studies.

And yet there it is.

Staring us all right in the face.

So, how does it work?

Well, in order to fully grasp this we have to understand how people tend to operate.

It’s my opinion that we are all gods in our own minds.

We all need to feel wanted and loved by our significant others to feel satisfaction with our relationships. But what happens when we think our significant other no longer wants or loves us?

Well, that’s when we start to try to do things gain that status back.

Some will fight or scream…

Others will become distant as if to say, “you need to prove yourself to me.”

And every once in a while you’ll get someone who decides to use reverse psychology. To attempt to make you feel as if they don’t love or want you anymore.

Of course, they do this with the full intention of trying to make you chase them.

The Case Study Of An Ex Who Used Reverse Psychology

Like I said at the beginning of this particular sign. I wouldn’t even know this was a “sign” if it wasn’t for a case study.

It turns out that, that case study was an interview I did with Mary, a client who got her ex to unblock her and eventually beg for her back.

Around the 7 minute mark you’ll hear her talk about what happened when her ex reached out to her,

Her ex said some really interesting things to her,

“I need to bring your stuff back to you.”

“It looks like you’ve moved on.”

“Have a nice life”

Now, if you take all of these things at face value it appears as if her ex boyfriend was implying that she has moved on and that he was going to do the same.

Bear in mind, he really wants her back.

How do I know?

Because he literally told her he wanted her back AFTER THEY GOT BACK TOGETHER!

So, what is going on here?

Why would her ex say these things if they weren’t true?

It’s bait.

Consider the graphic below,

When you go fishing how do you catch a fish?

Do you just throw your fishing line into the water and hope for the best?

No, often you have to outfit the fishing line with some type of bait to attract a fish into biting.

Well, in Mary’s case her ex was using these reverse psychology statement to bait her into showing some type of interest. You see, she was following my advice and utilizing the no contact rule which taps into a psychological theory called reactance.

Reactance: When someones behavior freedoms get threatened they react in a way to try to get that freedom back

So, in Mary’s case by ignoring her ex by using the no contact rule it prompted a reaction from her ex to get that freedom of talking to her back.

It just so happened that, that reaction was reverse psychology.

Sign #13: They Like Or Comment On Almost All Of Your New Pictures Or Posts

As you’ve probably come to learn, posting on social media is an important part of the ex recovery process.

So, what happens if you notice that your ex is,

  • Liking all of your photos and posts?
  • Commenting on all of them?
  • Viewing your instagram stories?

Does it mean anything?

What you’re really looking for here is consistency.

I’ve been on record many times stating that it’s really not that big of a deal if your ex likes or comments on your stuff.

But that narrative changes a bit if they are doing it EVERY SINGLE DAY for EVERY SINGLE POST.

Why?

Well, think of it like this.

The one common theme that’s been present so far among this list is obsessiveness.

Maybe not every single item shows an ex who is obsessive over you but many of them do.

If your ex is liking or commenting on every single one of your photos or posts it shows they’re addicted to watching you.

And people often don’t get addicted to things they don’t have some type of positive feeling for, right?

I will say that this is maybe one of the rarest types of signs that an ex will exhibit.

After all, how many exes will actually like or comment on every single new photo you put up?

Nevertheless, we have seen it happen so be on the lookout.

Sign #14: Their Nostalgic Reverie Begins To Show

One of the big buzzwords that we’ve been throwing around the Ex Recovery Program recently is attachment styles.

In fact, you’ll hear me talk a lot about how most of our clients and their exes tend to fall into two distinct categories.

Our clients tend to have more anxious type of attachment styles where their counterparts tend to have more avoidant attachment styles.

Now, one thing that I’ve made clear throughout my work here on Ex Boyfriend Recovery is that those with avoidant types of attachment styles do want a commitment they just don’t want it if it threatens their independence.

So, what ultimately happens is that when things begin to get really serious between you and your ex they get scared since they think their independence is being threatened and they break up with you.

But they still want a loving relationship so that longing is always there.

Perhaps one of the most interesting insights into exes with avoidant attachment styles is that they won’t truly begin to miss you or have “nostalgic reverie” until they feel like their is no chance they can get you back or you look like you’ve completely moved on.

Our program is designed to ensure that you are reaching out during this process of nostalgic reverie.

So, theoretically what’s supposed to happen is that you’re only reaching out to an ex when they are “remembering the good times.”

This of course makes it a lot more likely to get a favorable response.

Nevertheless, what you’re ultimately looking for once you have a conversation started with them is for them to bring up positive past memories.

“Hey, do you remember that time we went to that place?”

Or

“Do you remember the way I held you on the beach that night?”

These a few surface level examples of an ex really feeling themselves.

Nostalgic reverie is always a good thing.

Keep an eye out for it.

Sign #15: A Mutual Friend Lets It Slip That They Still Have Feelings For You

It always astounds me how undervalued the sphere of influence is throughout this entire process of getting an ex back.

If you aren’t familiar the sphere of influence includes people whose opinion your ex cares about deeply. Usually close friends and family members close out the sphere.

As a general rule of thumb.

The better your relationship with the sphere of influence the easier getting your ex back becomes.

Why?

Well, it kind of plays into that whole social pressure aspect but let’s not get too far into the weeds here.

Every once in a while mutual friends will be a part of your exes sphere of influence and as odd as it sounds there’s nothing mutual friends love more than to stir up drama.

It’s usually very rare for a mutual friend to flat out tell you that your ex still has feelings for you but it has happened on occasion.

For example, I was interviewing a success story a few months ago and she told this story about how she got her first date with her ex post breakup.

Essentially her friends invited her for a night out on the town and when she showed up her ex was there.

Apparently they had set up a date between the two of them without either of them knowing it after realizing both still had feelings for each other.

So, pay attention to what your mutual friends are doing. They can give you clues on your exes state of mind.

Sign #16: They Come To Your Rescue Every Chance They Get

One of the best ways you can determine if your ex still has feelings for you or is harboring a hidden motive to reunite with you is by simply looking at how often they want to play the hero.

Perhaps our greatest contribution from a texting perspective to the breakup field has been the damsel in distress text message.

The way it works is simple.

You text your ex about a problem you are having and allow them to fix it.

Sounds pretty basic but the text message goes a little something like this.

“Hey, I’m having a pretty critical problem at work but only really trust you to solve it”

This type of a text gives your ex an opportunity to play hero again.

But again what you’re looking for is consistency.

They won’t just do this one time but they will do this time and time again.

Perhaps the most important part of the whole idea is that after a while you aren’t having to manufacture problems. They are just trying to fix them without you even telling them about it.

This is a good sign.

Sign #17: They Literally Tell You They Want You Back

Perhaps the most obvious sign on this list.

If your ex asks for you back then there is a 100% chance that they want you back.

I don’t really know what else to say past that.

Sign #18: They’ve Been Excessive In Reach Out To You During No Contact

This one was a late addition to the list but I felt it was important to include because I’ve seen it far too often to not admit to its existence.

So, how does it work?

We all know about the no contact rule and how it’s this period of time where you are cutting off all communication with your ex.

I’ve literally written hundreds of articles about it.

I’ve literally filmed dozens of videos about it.

But what I haven’t talked about is what it means if your ex goes crazy trying to get you to reach out to them during it.

Ok, so let’s say you’ve decided that you want to do a 30 day no contact rule but around day 4 your ex starts calling you and doing everything possible to get you to respond.

If this behavior continues and doesn’t really let up that much it might be a link proving that they still want you back.

I say “might” because it’s a really tricky thing.

Just because they are reaching out to you a bunch doesn’t necessarily mean you should take them back right away.

It also doesn’t necessarily mean they will take you back.

Paradoxical, isn’t it?

Here’s what we’ve learned.

The more excessive your ex is about reaching out to you during the no contact rule the more likely they are to want you back.

However, pride might prevent them from doing so if you were to break no contact right away and respond to them.

So, as odd as it sounds you need to stick to our program even if you know they want you back because it is designed to get you results that can last.

Don’t reward bad behavior with a response.

Don’t try to take them back early because you know they want you back.

Go through the value ladder and value chain.

Do everything you can by the book and you will get a much better result from a long term perspective.

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1,520 thoughts on “Signs My Ex Wants Me Back”

  1. Anna

    August 3, 2024 at 3:02 am

    My FA exBF and I were together for 10 years. I love him very much but broke up 9 months ago due to his stonewalling. We did NC for three months. Near radio silence for the six months after that.

    Two weeks ago, I texted to say I wanted to get my things from his house (he lives an hour away), but he said (out of the blue!) that he would rather bring them down himself and have lunch with me and another friend. So he did. All very nice and civilized and fun, but I could tell he was depressed.

    I walked him to his car in the evening and, feeling like things were cool between us, I invited him to a party I throw every August, which he sort of always “co-hosted”.

    “I think I have a commitment, but I’ll get back to you,” he said.

    Needing a head count, I texted him three days ago and he CALLED immediately after reading the message… we chatted amicably for 15 minutes about general stuff, and I say: “so are you coming to the party?” And he goes: “Uhm… I think I have a commitment, but I’ll check and let you know.” (Again).

    Where is he at this point? Nostalgia? Curiosity? I do NOT want to get back with him at this point, but I do want to be friends.

    And, of course, I would not even think of pressing the matter of the party any further… if he wants to come in the end, he knows where I live!

  2. Maysix Mune

    July 27, 2022 at 8:40 am

    I love this and it’s helpful to me I’ve come realize some the thing that my ex defacto man does and iam More pleased with. Thank you ♥️

  3. Amy

    August 6, 2021 at 1:29 am

    I need him back

    I know he still loves me too

  4. Amy

    August 6, 2021 at 1:28 am

    I really love him..I want him back

  5. Vugah Lenita

    August 2, 2021 at 12:30 am

    Am basically from Africa Cameroon precisely I hope u help me out
    Have dated this guy for 5to 6 months now we had trust issues quarrels and fights almost through out the relationship it always stems out from him beating me each time I he feels am not doing something to please him I will often cry my eyes out then come back and beg him he has beaten me so many times but I still go back. To him and beg to forgive me he will often get very furious when I don’t give him sex and will often force me to have sex with him. When he’s in the mood he always forces me no Matter how I try to stop him even at the point of forcing himself on me I will fight him and eventually get tired and give up. I don’t know why I put up with it anyways maybe cus he kept on telling me I will never find anyone like him and that he’s serious with me and wants to get married to me sometimes I threaten to break up with him so that he helps me financially but it got worst everyday. Currently we broke up as usual and he blames me and says I don’t respect him just as weak as I am I have tried going back but he denies it plsss I need ur help I want to get over him and make him regret leaving me I have never been a cheat. He always took advantage of my kindness and love and endurance and took it for weakness

  6. M

    May 10, 2021 at 3:43 am

    I’m 3 days into no contract with my fiancee ex of 5 yrs. We have an 8month old daughter. However, he cheated and was gone my entire pregnancy cheating. Then came home for 4wks when our daughter was born, then moved out but kept saying we are together, yet was still cheating on me. I found out about the cheating 1wk ago, after I had been accusing and felt he was due to him not being intimate with me. After I found out i was trying to make it work. Something I’ve never done. Then we had a huge fight he told me he destroyed our relationship, I deserve better and we are done. I have not spoken to him since. He text today saying happy mothers day he loves and misses me, and he called. Both of which I gave no reply or answer. Now he text me saying that I’m ignoring him because I have found someone else. I do want him back but he has not taken accountability or made an effort. But him accusing me of moving on worries me that he thinks I do have someone and now he won’t want me back? But I don’t want to break NC because I know he’s shocked I haven’t called or text per usual as he needs to re- realize my value and the mistakes he made. What should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 20, 2021 at 4:23 pm

      Hey M you need to keep going with your NC and make sure that you stick to your boundaries. It is NOT okay that he cheats and it certainly isnt okay that he gets to accuse you of having someone else when he didnt treat you right in the first place! If you still want him back at the end of your NC then you can start slow, texting phase. DO NOT rush back into a relationship or sleeping with him anytime soon! He needs to earn your trust and show you he is serious about commitment this time!

  7. T.j.girl

    March 14, 2021 at 3:56 am

    I have a question my boyfriend has a ego out of this world he holds everything in and dont like to talk about things . We lived together 2 an half years we connected with everything liked the same stuff we was happy he worshipped the ground I walked on same as I do him. When I moved to where he lived after a year there my daughter starting calling me starting fights cause I moved and my family would call with drama trying to make me feel guilty about it and the last 3 months it got really bad cause they all depend on me and I would run and help do this and that well it got me depressed cause i was so overwhelmed with the drama from my family that now i see i neglected my ex boyfriend and didnt realize it i guess i just got clingy toward him and needy cause i was so hurt and anger with my family but we got into an fight and he snapped and broke up with me and was telling me things I know he was lying of how he felt about me cause I know him. But I begged and done everything i shouldnt have but i was hurt i would have never thought he leave me. We’ve been broke up for a month and one week I bothered him bad the first 2 weeks about us and he told me that everything ain’t on my time that if I didnt want him hurting my feelings that I had better give him his space and he said all he asked was for time so I text him the same day and told him I’m gonna give him his space and I’ve pulled back not calling or anything in few day he called me and he stays in contact not everyday. All our pictures are still up in the house his license plate that state our names is still on his truck all my stuff is still there animals and all. He has a bad temper and o know I pushed him to break up just keeping on. We still have our bank account together too. He told me he will talk to me when hes ready and I know he will. His pride is hugh too. Do you think hes needing space to calm down to where he can tell me all that’s bothering him cause he holds stuff in and let’s it build til he blows but this is the first time we have ever lived apart. Do you think he will take me back once he claims down cause I’ve worked on my part with my family and working on myself too but I know that we could work through this if he would let it.. what do you think he could be doing this space for

  8. simmy

    October 24, 2020 at 5:49 am

    My ex broke up with me last 2weeks,all because i asked him of a girl who is currently living with him in the same room but he refused to tell me about her but instead he broke up with me.d truth is am still inlove with him,i always calling,texting and begging him to take me back,i dont get myself since he broke up with me,so last 2days he agree in taking me back with so much pleading, but his attitude has really changed towards me,he became harsh to me,he even blocked all my numbers in his phone,i need to hide my number before calling him begging him to unblock my numbers which he later did.i still love him whole heartedly i dont want to lose him pls advice me on what to do,can i still go on NC stuff cos am afraid on loosing him to another girl.He is someone who doesn’t fancy social media stuff,our relationship only base on visiting,calling and texting inbox msgs.ur advice plsss.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 28, 2020 at 1:37 am

      Hi Simmy, so the first thing you need to do is to go into a No Contact where you allow him to have some space from you for 30 days, 45 if this OW is actually in the picture. Use that time to work on yourself. Read Chris’ articles about the holy trinity and being ungettable and apply this information to yourself.

  9. Bobbi Ann

    October 18, 2020 at 3:52 am

    My ex is the type of man that never shows emotions. And hard headed I do I go about of trying to get back with him . I don’t think he would reach out to me even if he wants to.we were together for seven and a half years. Told me every day up to the day he broke up with me and I don’t know why he was very cold and didn’t even cared how I felt then he just left me sitting at his house crying. I love him I don’t know what happened. He said he needs to find his happiness and that was it. What do I do to try and win him back please help me I’m heartbroken

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 19, 2020 at 11:18 pm

      Hi Bobbi Ann, you need to go into a No Contact and teach yourself how to control your emotions – work on yourself during your NC and give your ex a chance to miss you

  10. Rahja Mi

    September 22, 2020 at 12:12 pm

    I’ve had an on and off relationship with this guy for about 4 years we technically only had the label of boyfriend and girlfriend for a year and a half and I feel completely soul tied to him. When we were together we fought a lot and I was disrespectful as he was cheating on me and really mean at times. But I went no contact for 6 months and he called quiet a bit but I didn’t think he was acting out of love since he ended the relationship by breaking up with me and kicking me out. Well I finally decided to meet up with him for dinner he calls like 3x a week and although doesn’t follow me watches my insta posts, and admitted to stalking my Twitter whenever he wants to know what I’m up to … well last night he of course wanted to come to my place claiming I couldn’t come to his cause he had friends over from out of town and I declined so he suggested we get a room to “chill” but another thing that shocked me besides him saying he missed me over and over again was him asking me to be his sugar baby… I’m not sure what any of this means it felt like a slap to the face is it ?? .. I don’t want any title other than girlfriend or wife and I’m being an ungettable girl but I’m highly confused , I don’t know if I should just move on.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 6, 2020 at 9:55 am

      Hi Rahja, yes asking you to be his sugar baby is not a good thing! I would refuse and tell him you are not looking for anything other than a committed relationship. Keep working on yourself and being UG showing him that if he does not commit to you he is going to lose you.

  11. Jen

    August 13, 2020 at 3:33 pm

    Hello, I am in a bit of a confusing situation with my ex so here it goes:
    We started dating in college about 5 years ago. We were together for a year, but we broke up because I was moving to a different college and the distance made us grow apart. Although there wasn’t a serious reason for the breakup, it wasn’t the greatest experience, either.
    No contact lasted about a year before we met again at the movies with mutual friends one night. My ex was being very flirtatious with me: lightly touching my hand, walking close to me and eventually even asked me for my number back and ended the night with a wink that made me feel like he was thinking about me again. We were texting for a while and when I eventually brought up the prospect of us getting back together, he turned a complete 180 and said he never even implied that at any point. I was confused and upset, believing that he had done this to me just to play mind games to boost his own ego.
    We didn’t talk again for a few months after that. We eventually settled on just small chit chat here and there whenever we were hanging out with mutual friends.
    Now, four years later, my ex has never been with anyone else since me (I’ve had two boyfriends). Recently he has been posting some funny stuff on social media that made me think he was talking to someone. I asked one of our friends and they told me he’s not. My ex also liked a picture of myself I posted, so I liked one of his posts. After that, he has posted one more picture that has Bugs Bunny with his heart jumping out of his chest and it says, “When she’s short, cute, and crazy like you”. My ex hasnt said anything to me directly, but I will be seeing him at a party tomorrow and I’m nervous. I want to take him seriously, but because of what happened four years ago, I dont know if he will suddenly change his mind again. Do you think he is playing mind games, or do you think he just freaked out and panicked when we tried this in the past?
    I do still love him deep down. I just dont want to hurt again.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 17, 2020 at 11:12 pm

      Hi Jen, it is a case of you taking things slowly and not letting your head or feelings get ahead of you and the situation. Go slow and read about being ungettable so that you understand how you are going to be able to stay emotionally under control and also make him chase you rather than being too available to him

  12. Audrey

    August 11, 2020 at 5:44 am

    Hey its me again..sorry if i ask so many questions..thanks for answering
    Tho i really appreciate it! Anyway he said he’s been making future plans with his new girl..what does this mean..what should i do? I don’t wanna break nc but i really wanna text him..does this mean he’s serious with her..i mean he said it feels off with her..but thats just probably cause he’s used to the routine..what do you think i should do..he also said that he sometimes wishes shes me and he said his needs aren’t being met in this new relationships..is this why he miss me is this the only reason..

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 11, 2020 at 7:46 pm

      Hi Audrey, no it does not mean he is any more serious with her than any other new relationship. People make plans when they are newly dating. However you are still not following the advice that has been given to go into a NC as you are still talking to him you are only damaging your chances and prolonging the situation by being in touch with him and asking these questions

  13. Betty

    July 30, 2020 at 4:18 pm

    My ex boyfriend broke up with me on June 12th. When we were in the relationship we use to fight very often. We have broken up many times before but we always got back together within 2 weeks. We were together for more than a year. He called me yesterday and asked whether I still love him. I said no. Then he said that he didn’t end it well and wanted to end it well. He also said that he feels great after the break up but he said he doesn’t want to be friends with me. He wanted this to be the last call. He asked me if I wanted to tell anything. I said no. He said that he shared his family problems only to me and he missed that. He kept asking me who to share it with and I couldn’t say share it with me bcoz he said he wanted this to be our last call. So what does he think? Does he want to get back together or does he want to get rid of me? I still love him.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 31, 2020 at 3:34 pm

      Hi Betty, I think if you follow the program you could get him back but it would meant that you need to be strict with yourself to stick to the program. The phone call he checked to see if you still loved him, was looking to see if the window for communication was still open where you do not want him to call you about family problems you do not want to be friendzoned if you want a relationship with him

  14. Katie

    May 23, 2020 at 9:08 am

    Hi there, so here’s my story.
    My ex and I split up a week ago. I have been distraught and inconsolable since.
    We started dating 11 months ago, it has been an absolute whirlwind romance. He met my children after just 3 weeks, which as a rule I would never normally do, and since then we have been through so much together. Many ups but a few downs as couples do. We were deeply in love and talking about marriage.
    The day he left, we both woke in a bit of a bad mood, possibly because of the lockdown due to covid-19. We had a little row over what started with a cup of tea and me accusing him of talking to me like a child, as the argument grew, I mentioned something about ‘MY KIDS’ which didn’t go down well as we refer to them as ours, he has been a great step dad in all but name and this hurt him. For the rest of the day we gave each other the silent treatment.
    In the evening, I started drinking, which I know massively regret. He came downstairs to say something and another argument ensued, only this time I mentioned something about one of his exes (this is my biggest insecurity and in no way his fault). He said he was leaving to go to his friends for a beer but I misheard him and thought he said he was leaving. I told him if he was leaving to take his things and threw his clothes at him. This was 8 days ago. Since then I have sent the usual begging and pleading texts and asked him to come home and he said he needed space, which I couldn’t do
    He asked for some things 4 days after leaving and I took them to him, we talked and he said I’d hurt him too badly and he couldn’t see a way past it. Again I begged and pleaded and promised that the past stays there and he said he couldn’t take that chance. He said he didn’t think I could change and actions speak louder than words, but he wont let me show him how sorry I am and how much I love and care for him. I sent him a couple more really heart felt messages to which he read but didn’t respond. Then on day 6 he called me about the rest of his things and asked if I could store them here for him, I said yes. I asked again if we were really over and he said we were incompatable and just wouldn’t work. This was a massive shock, I have told people who know us as a couple and they have said we are extremely compatable and are just as shocked, does he really believe this?
    Now I am into my 2nd day of the no contact rule. It has been a struggle and I am slowly packing everything of his away into storage.
    So what I really want to know is, is there any way back from this? Have I blown all chances with my insecurities and constant texting?
    I’m currently working on my insecurities using bullet journalling and have a telephone appointment with a therapist scheduled to combat these problems.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 10, 2020 at 12:02 am

      Hi Katie, if you want to change the outcome of your texts, you need to complete a NC where you focus on yourself. your insecurities and realising your worth.

  15. Kate

    May 21, 2020 at 5:55 pm

    Hi there, so here’s my story.
    My ex and I split up a week ago. I have been distraught and inconsolable since.
    We started dating 11 months ago, it has been an absolute whirlwind romance. He met my children after just 3 weeks, which as a rule I would never normally do, and since then we have been through so much together. Many ups but a few downs as couples go.
    The day he left, we both woke in a bit of a bad mood, possibly because of the lockdown due to covid-19. We had a little row over what started with a cup of tea and me accusing him of talking to me like a child, as the argument grew, I mentioned something about ‘MY KIDS’ which didn’t go down well as we refer to them as ours, he has been a great step dad in all but name and this hurt him. For the rest of the day we gave each other the silent treatment.
    In the evening, I started drinking, which I know massively regret. He came downstairs to say something and another argument ensued, only this time I mentioned something about one of his exes (this is my biggest insecurity and in no way his fault). He said he was leaving to go to his friends for a beer but I misheard him and thought he said he was leaving. I told him if he was leaving to take his things and threw his clothes at him. This was 8 days ago. Since then I have sent the usual begging and pleading texts and asked him to come home and he said he needed space, which I couldn’t do
    He asked for some things 4 days after leaving and I took them to him, we talked and he said I’d hurt him too badly and he couldn’t see a way past it. Again I begged and pleaded and promised that the past stays there and he said he couldn’t take that chance. He said he didn’t think I could change and actions speak louder than words, but he wont let me show him how sorry I am and how much I love and care for him. I sent him a couple more really heart felt messages to which he read but didn’t respond. Then on day 6 he called me about the rest of his things and asked if I could store them here for him, I said yes. I asked again if we were really over and he said we were incompatable and just wouldn’t work. This was a massive shock, I have told people who know us as a couple and they have said we are extremely compatable and are just as shocked, does he really believe this?
    Now I am into my 2nd day of the no contact rule. It has been a struggle and I am slowly packing everything of his away into storage.
    So what I really want to know is, is there any way back from this? Have I blown all chances with my insecurities and constant texting?
    I’m currently working on my insecurities using bullet journalling and have a telephone appointment with a therapist scheduled to combat these problems.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 29, 2020 at 4:39 pm

      Hi Kate, if you are working on yourself and improving your self confidence. Working to be Ungettable then you are giving yourself all the help that you need to show your ex that you are making positive changes to yourself. Use social media to show this do not tell them directly. Then when you have completed your No Contact you enter the texting phase with confidence and emotional control

  16. Molly

    April 25, 2020 at 10:25 pm

    Me and my ex live slightly long distance, were very happy and very soon into the relationship I started getting the train to his and staying over, he never came to me anymore, but I live at home so I kind of understood why considering he has his own place, he randomly started going distant, always complaining about the distance between us and how he wishes to see me more, I started taking time off work to go to see him earlier.the he started drifting, told me on message on my way home he see’s us struggling to work, we had a phone call when I got home and I give him another chance and forgive him, he carried on being distant and left me stranded st the station, I had to find my way to his place and he wasn’t even home, he went the gym and the shop even though he knew when I was arriving at the station. Then we had lockdown and I mentioned FaceTiming which he said he didn’t want to FaceTime me at all which caused a disagreement, he never messaged for 2 days, on the second day I rang him after work and he was moody, he ended up hanging up on me and I split up with him, I missed him so a day or so later I messaged asking for him back, we got back together and a week later he breaks up with me saying he feels distant from me which he was acting anyway, he hadn’t really changed much. It’s been about 3 weeks now and he messaged me asking ‘how’s life?’ He then sends a huge paragraph explaining what’s going on in his head, he says he misses me a lot, regrets all he did, goes on about how badly he treated me and he regrets it, will do anything to get me back and how he wasn’t himself and wasn’t thinking straight and how it wasn’t him. I ignored him so later on he sent 3 selfies and 2 messages saying about his hair cut and his hat he has because he doesn’t like his hair cut, i ignore that so he messaged a little later saying he is sorry, he will leave me alone and goodnight, I ended up messaging him wanting answers, we had a long in depth chat and he even cried a few times, he sent me a picture and he actually was crying…he has been messaging me since saying how he is going to prove to me he is genuine and means it and how much he wants me back and so on. He has had chances before though and was never actually sorry and never changed, he claims he feels better and himself now and he got scared of his feelings for me and pained me away due to bad past experiences but I don’t know whether he is Just playing games with Me to use me or if he is genuine and actually wants me back and actually really likes me….My parents And friends think he is an idiot And told me not to contact him which they dint know I have and said to not go back there, I just don’t know whether to listen to them and not go back there because he is using me or if He is genuine…do you have any advice?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 2, 2020 at 12:40 pm

      Hi Molly, my advice is to think about yourself and what you want. IF this is the type of boyfriend he is, is that enough for you? If he is willing to change, how many times are you willing to give him that chance to change? I can’t really tell you if he is genuine or not, but during this time of the “lock down” is going to show his efforts of keeping in touch. As you are not able to visit for now.

  17. Sam

    March 19, 2020 at 8:39 pm

    Hi there, my ex broke up with me because he needed time to get his life back in check. This happened around a month ago, and we agreed to just stay friends for the rest of our future. He gave up on the relationship when he made the decision to break up. Recently, he has been texting me a lot, sending many flirtatious comments, and reminicing. What could be going on with him? Is he texting me because he is bored or is he trying to get back together? How should I be responding to all his texts?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 20, 2020 at 10:56 pm

      Hi Sam so if your ex is reaching out to you and is flirting then I would say they are showing interest in you. If you are going to try to get your ex back then use this to build rapport and get some meet ups going. Make sure that you do not sleep with them unless you are back in a relationship. I would be responding to the texts positively and making conversation too. The most important factor is that you END THE CONVERSATION FIRST

  18. Vero

    January 23, 2020 at 7:51 am

    Hi!

    I have a question…My bf (or I guess ex bf) left his phone at my house after an argument. I had a couple cocktails that night and went through his phone. I found some emails to his ex girlfriend. A lot of them were during rough patches we were having. We’ve been on and off for about two years. The things he said to her I wish I could unsee. He said he has never loved anyone like he loved her and that he thinks about her everyday. She never even replied. I haven’t talked to him since. It’s been 4 days. He’s messaged me on and off but hasn’t really said much. I think he’s afraid I went through his phone but doesn’t know for sure so he’s not saying anything. I guess I’m feeling torn because on one hand i think maybe I should tell him it’s over (even though i wish it didn’t have to be but those messages are too much) or keep doing the no contact on him. I’d love for him to beg me like he did her in those messages. Yes, it’s petty but I’m hurt and I don’t know what to do. Help! Lol

    Thank you for reading this!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 23, 2020 at 9:51 am

      Hey Vero, so those messages to his ex are obviously going to hurt you but you are not going to look good if you tell him you have read them and gone through his phone. I suggest that you go into a no contact and ignore any messages he sends unless he asks for his phone back to which you hand it back and then go back into no contact for the rest of the 30 days. If you want him to beg for you back then you are going to have to look into what it means to be ungettable do the work and then start reaching out at the end of your no contact

  19. Joe

    January 13, 2020 at 10:04 am

    Hi,

    My ex broke up with me about a month and half ago! OvEr christmas (which is a very difficult time for her) we had constant contact and saw each other a few times! Showing clear signs of interest towards me even telling me she loved me on several occasions however was determined the break up was the right thing! We broke up because we were both going through an exceptionally difficult time and it put a lot of stress on our relationship causing tension, lack of space and mistrust but no major disagreements! Since new year she has initiated contact everyday and is constantly monitoring my social media. She Is currently showing six out of the seven signs in this article! Im considering going radio silence contact as i believe she struggling to let go of the resentment around some of issues from the relationship and we are going round in circles! Any advice you could give even though i know she is a female (i would say emotionally she is quite masculine however) would be much appreciated! We were always attracted to each other long before we actually met and hit it off straight away. I love her very much and we both have stated several times that we have never met someone we have so much in common with and get on so well with! It would be shame to lose each other…. but i feel i may have to let go soon!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 17, 2020 at 10:11 pm

      Hi Joe, so if they are showing the signs above and they are initiating contact with you often then they are showing that they are interested in you still so I suggest you start asking to meet for coffee, and build those meet ups to a more romantic setting gradually to see what sort of response you get, if you feel you are done then explaining this to your ex that you can no longer speak with them while you get over them and be as honest and kind with your words as you can

  20. Stephanie

    December 1, 2019 at 3:39 pm

    Hey Chris and team, my ex literally brought my things back on day 3 of no contact. I was at a guys house and my ex can see my location on the “ find my “ app for iPhone and I can’t see his location but he can see mine. Anyway he didn’t text me saying he would leave my things at my house he literally left it on my door without letting me know and he decided to finally change his profile pic of us to just a picture of him all at the same time. Is this a bad sign because he didn’t text me at all saying anything or without letting me know that he would be dropping my things off I know you guys are busy with things but if you have the time to give me some input or to clear things up on what the hell he is thinking it would be appreciated.. Much love to all of you

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 1, 2019 at 10:54 pm

      Hi Stephanie, does he know the guy you were going to see at the time? It sounds more of an emotional reaction if it seems that you are doing well and spending time with other guys already it made him hurt/angry. So you need to complete a no contact, and then reach out in 30 days with a short but friendly conversation. IF you are interested in getting back with him that is of course.

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