18 Proven Signs That My Ex Wants Me Back (Based On Research)

1,519 thoughts on “Signs My Ex Wants Me Back”

Leigh

August 26, 2013 at 12:52 am

My ex and I broke up 3 months ago after a year relationship and I have yet to give him any space or use the NC Rule. I am constantly thinking about him and wondering if he is going to move on and forget about me. The thought of him dating other girls absolutely breaks my heart and I’m not sure I could handle it. He has deleted me off all social media sites so I have no idea what he’s doing. When I text him he usually ignores me until I text him about 8 times which I know is ridiculous, but all I want is a response. He says eventually he would like to work out, but he doesn’t see us getting back together in the near future. He continues to tell me he will always love me and even though we aren’t together now it doesn’t mean down the road a bit it couldn’t happen. and then when I text him too much he says he’s going to change his number and that I need to leave him alone and that I have completely pushed him over the edge. He says he has no intention of getting in another relationship because it’s not what he needs, but I’m worried he could just be saying it because he knows thats what I want to hear. I continue to tell him I’m going to give him space and I did go 3 weeks without talking to him (which was about a month ago) and when I tried initiating the text after 3 weeks everything seemed to be good we didn’t talk about the relationship just what we’ve been up to and then we got off the phone and he text me right away and said he was glad I was doing so well and that it was nice talking to me, he said he wanted to take things slow by talking here and there, but after we had that one conversation I went crazy and wanted to text him every day almost like we had never broken up. I am planning on moving 12 hours away and I told him about it and he said he was happy for me but he wasn’t going to beg me to stay, but honestly if I can go with the NC is it even possible he’ll ever really miss me? and could we actually work being that far away? He just keeps telling me I’m pushing and pushing and that I need to give him space. Have I completely ruined my chances of us getting back together? Have I truly made him that angry that he is just over me? Before all the anger he said he does care about me and would like me to stay single for awhile. I don’t know what it all means. It’s frustrating because I feel like this is some type of game that he wants me back when he wants me back and until then I need to leave him alone. I just need some perspective and advice is he actually still interested or is it a waste of my time? Please help.

admin

August 27, 2013 at 3:26 am

Here is the way I would view NC if I was you. What do you have to lose?

I would seriously give it a try if I was you.
Leigh

August 27, 2013 at 7:15 pm

Is it still even a possibility that he will come back with me moving away? and with him being so angry about me constantly contacting him? I guess I have nothing to lose, just worried that he’ll move on if I stop trying to talk to him.
admin

August 28, 2013 at 4:07 am

You have nothing to lose at this point so why not right?

Lets see here: anything is possible I have learned to never say never haha.
Leigh

August 28, 2013 at 12:59 pm

I will try the NC. Would it be easier if I tried to move on? or is there a real chance this NC could actually work and I could get him back?
admin

August 29, 2013 at 3:46 am

Well, look at it this way. What do you have to lose?

karmen

August 24, 2013 at 2:26 am

My boyfriend of over a year broke up with me about 1 week ago. I have some of my clothes left at his place and I said I would go over to pick them up and he should let me know when he’s home. He still hasn’t responded yet. I obviously don’t want my stuff back because I want to work things out with him. I have not contacted him for about 4 days now. Do you think he might want to work things out and that’s why he’s holding on to my stuff?

admin

August 25, 2013 at 7:11 pm

Exes can hold stuff for a lot of reasons. Maybe its painful to see you in person, maybe they are spiteful, maybe they want to hold on to it just to hold on to a piece of you.

Jamie

August 24, 2013 at 1:02 am

My ex and I broke up in June. I initiated the NC period and he never once reached out to me (we were on summer break from school). Today I saw him again at school and he was pleasant. He wanted to talk to me. He hel the door opened for me, but I deliberately did not walk through it because I was flustered. He looked upset by my actions. Then he asked about my summer and I gave him a curt one word answer and walked away. Later I saw him again and smiled to try to make up for being a sourpuss and he frowned at me. What can I do to alleviate the tension I’ve created and keep him interested in talking to me again? I want another chance, but seeing him again scares me so much. He’d said he wanted to remain friends with me but I declined. Then I told him we should never speak again because I no longer loved him. But he’s still trying to make the effort to talk to me. I want a chance to make it work again, to show him the person he fell in love with, but the break up has deadened me so much and made me wary. I love this person deeply and want to have a relationship with him because I care about what happens to him and I want to show him that.

admin

August 25, 2013 at 7:05 pm

You are your own worst enemy. He is making an effort and you are stopping him.

Taylor

August 23, 2013 at 9:02 pm

Me and my bf of a year broke up last week and he is coming over Sunday to drop off some stuff and talk. He believes that he needs to be alone right now and told me he misses me and still cares for me but thinks we should both move on. He said he at least wants to be friends. I already tried telling him this is not what I want and I know that even if he did really want to be friends I couldn’t because I wouldn’t want to see him with somebody else when the time comes. When we talk should I just agree with him that he needs to be alone and we should move on, but tell him I can’t be friends and start NC? I just wish there was something I could say that would change his mind, I don’t mind giving him space but I don’t want to move on. I feel like if I don’t say what I want when we talk and just try to be cool about it, I end up texting or calling him trying to convince him.

admin

August 25, 2013 at 6:51 pm

I really think you should stick to a NC.

SOCONFUSED

August 20, 2013 at 7:45 pm

So admin,
I contacted my ex the other day and he pretty much said that its over and to move on but I am still special to him. SO after that text message I just left it at how it was and didn’t reply. Then he messaged me the next day to hang out sometime during the week. So I am going to but I don’t know how to act.

admin

August 21, 2013 at 4:51 am

Well, generally you aren’t supposed to contact him until you have completed the NC rule. Have you done that?

As far as acting a certain way on the date: I talk about that at the end of this page.
SOCONFUSED

August 20, 2013 at 7:46 pm

he also said he wants a break from relationships.. help

Michele

August 20, 2013 at 8:56 am

My boyfriend of almost 2 years broke up with me about a month and a half ago. He did it a week after our high school graduation and even though it’s been awhile, I’m still hurting a lot. Soon after the break up, I contacted a number of times, always to talk about the break up and our relationship and getting back together, etc. The break up came as a shock too, I didn’t expect it at all. He brought it up the night before he did it, saying, “I don’t know if I can do this anymore.” and thought about it that night and the next day and then broke up with me, even after I begged him not to. His main reason for breaking up with me is because “his feelings changed.” We fought quite often and it progressively got worse, especially the last couple months of our relationship so he just felt like it wasn’t working out. I almost always started the fights and they were always about stupid, unreasonable things that I now regret, even though at the time I knew they weren’t so horrible. I was just so upset while it was happening and felt so strongly about my claims. I have seen him a few times since the break up, first on the 4th of july, then two days after we went to a park/field and ate lunch. On the 4th of july I took him aside and asked if we could talk (that day was the first time we’d seen each other since the break up) and he suggested we get lunch the next day. He then forgot he made plans with friends so we did it 2 days after. It went okay but it was upsetting and emotional and we started going back to our old ways, things such as simple touches, hugs, cute comments, and at one point I said, “you never even kissed me goodbye” and he said ” I know. I didn’t because I knew it would make things harder” but then he kissed me and we kissed a few times during that hang out. just then for a few seconds and then a few times when he brought me back home. we both knew that we shouldn’t be doing that though so he said we can’t really do this, which I understand. That’s not what I want either, I want an actual relationship with him again. Then we saw each other after that a couple times just hanging out with friends, once at my house just with 2 other guy friends and I had to contact him about the plans. A few days before that night I texted him saying if we were gonna say goodbye since he was leaving for vacation for 2 weeks because we said we were going to but he decided it would be better if we didn’t cause it would make things harder so I was upset, but I accepted it. I tried not to contact him during his time away and only did when it was his dad’s birthday, texting him “tell your dad happy birthday for me. I hope it’s a good one.” we had a nice conversation, but sometimes the sore subject comes up, not always directly but still it’s known. After that I didn’t contact him for awhile, about 3 weeks, but did on August 12th because I wanted to plan when I could give him something I made for his birthday which was on the 14th (sounds pathetic of me I know) and what we could do. He suggested ice cream and I said that was fine but I didn’t want to give it to him in public so we decided I would give it to him in the car. Then I asked if that’s all he wanted to do and he said “I mean did you want to do something else? I’m up for whatever” and I said “Idk. I guess it doesn’t really matter. Just since we’re leaving ya know? It’s gonna be a long time until the next time we see each other” (since we’re leaving for college this week) He then asked what we should do and I suggested a few things such as watching a movie, eating somewhere, sitting and talking somewhere, etc. and he said movie but then instead said to go to dinner and then ice cream (since going to one of our houses to watch a movie would be awkward with family around) we then just continued texting for a few hours, catching up and stuff, just talking and it was nice. but then I asked him how he’s been lately (which was a mistake since I know I wouldn’t have a very joyful answer when he would ask “what about you?”) The whole conversation about college and leaving came up and me saying “I miss how things were. I don’t want things to change. I was happy before. I’ll always compare everything to other things and it won’t be as good.” He always just says “things change, feelings change, perspectives change. It’s not a bad thing. You’ll feel happy again.” I then said that I’m not trying to complain to you or anything. I’m just telling you how I feel and I need a friend to talk to but I don’t know if I should even go to you anymore. I though we were going to hang out these two weeks you were home (because he left for another vacation on the 17th until the 24th, which is when I leave for school and he leaves the 25th so we won’t see each other right when I leave) and we didn’t hang out. He had said before he left the first time that he thought we should wait to hang out alone again until after he got back but we never did and he never contacted me first at all. I was saying it’s always me and you said that you still wanted to be best friends and be in each other’s lives but it can’t only come from me. I just wang you in my life again. Then on the 14th I texted him happy birthday and we talked for a little, not about anything serious. the last text I sent that night he didn’t answer cause he was out to dinner and I thought he would answer later or the next day but he didn’t and we still hadn’t decided where we were going to dinner and it was 5:30 and we still hadn’t so I texted him asking and we just decided to drive around a neighboring town and look for a place. He then picked me up an hour later and we got dinner and it was really fun and nice. Then afterwards we drove to this athletic field in our town and just sat and talked in the car while listening to music. The break up and everything came up again and it was bad, and sad, we both cried. I was explaining everything about realizing my mistakes and what I’ve learned and how stupid all the things I did were and also said that his communication with me regarding his feelings and how upset he was with all the fighting wasn’t that good. I was kind of trying to get him to come back but not even really come back, just to talk to him about everything and to open his eyes about the situation as a whole instead of feeling like breaking up is the only solution. He still kept saying though that his feelings changed, partly because of the fighting and the rest he doesn’t know why it happened, which is the most hurtful part. He’s not changing his mind as of now and we’ve talked about the future too and getting back together and he just says, “I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future. I don’t want to get your hopes up and say maybe and then have you waiting around for me and limiting yourself from other things. We’ll just have to see.” So we kind of left it as both of us just trying to move on and continuing to be friends and seeing what time will do to our feelings about each other. Afterwords, I texted him that night just saying I was sorry cause we were both upset and he was getting impatient since it was getting late and he had to go home to bed cause he had to get up early for work and I wasn’t leaving. That dinner hang out was also our goodbye for college so that made it 10x harder. He said “don’t apologize you know me, I get annoying and stupid about that stuff, it’s fine.” and I was saying “it’s just so hard since we’re leaving, we’ve never been away from each other for this long before, but I still want to be best friends with you. We always said we would always love each other and be there for each other, always be best friends. And I meant that with all my heart.” He said “And I did too. This distance won’t affect the fact that we’re best friends. I know lately I haven’t been doing a good job of talking and stuff but I just wanted to give you time alone. I will now because you mean a lot to me and I don’t want to lose our friendship.” Then the next day I just texted him saying all our friends might hang out if you want to come since it was his last day before he left for vacay but he already had plans with one of his best friends so we talked for a little that night and then tonight I just sent him 2 pictures of my family friend at this restaurant and a light house on block island cause he goes there every year on vacay and I remember him showing me those two things. I sent them late though so I don’t think he saw them yet. I’m so sorry this was like a novel too.

Michele

August 20, 2013 at 9:03 am

(cont) but what do you think I should do at this point? Don’t contact him? Continue acting friendly? I don’t really know what to do. I really miss him, we were extremely close, closer than anyone I’ve seen and we had a really strong love. I’m still hurting so much and cry everyday still. And he knows that. He knows I still love him and am always here. It’s so hard since we’re leaving for college now and we’re not going to see each other for awhile and I don’t know what to do about that either. We’re going to be meeting so many people, but neither of us want a relationship. He said he doesn’t want anything like that now, relationship or even hook ups (he’s a good guy, he’s not one to hook up at all) but I’m just kind of hoping he’ll miss me, which he said he does, but obviously that’s not enough to come back. He keeps saying though that if anything ever did happen, it wouldn’t be for a long time, he’s acting like years, but I said you can’t really know that. You’re not gonna know what you feel, which he agreed with, but for now, he’s standing by his decision. Please help me. I need some helpful advice from someone with knowledge of this subject. Thank you!
admin

August 21, 2013 at 5:18 am

Whoa, that was long hahaha.

So, have you haven’t tried out NC yet? I think that is a good way to go. Maybe more for your own well being than his. You can’t get him back bawling your eyes out every day. Lets work on healing a little bit and THEN strike and get him back.
Michele

August 21, 2013 at 5:37 am

Yeah sorry that was so long! haha I sort of have. The week after he broke up with me we didn’t talk for about 8 or 9 days I think. Then later on in the summer we didn’t while he was away. That lasted 3 weeks. It’s just been kind of on and off and then I eventually contact him. How would I strike and get him back? I just don’t know what to do. Since we’re still trying to be “best friends” that’s why when we do talk, it’s okay. We’re just talking normally and friendly. But since I still love him it’s hard to do this. I still want to be best friends with him though and be in each other’s lives.
Michele

August 26, 2013 at 9:21 pm

Well I was continuing to do the NC rule and he texted me on Saturday wishing me good luck and everything because I was leaving for college that day. We talked that day for a long time and then he didn’t answer at some point. I texted him the next day just to wish him good luck too cause he left for college yesterday. Then he texted me today saying he ran into my family friend (who also goes to the same school as him) and that i came up and stuff and we talked for a little just about college and everything but he hasn’t answered my last text which was really long haha do you think this means anything? i feel like it doesn’t just because we’re trying to be “friends” but these are the only two times he’s texted me on his own since the break up
admin

August 27, 2013 at 4:19 am

I would say try not to read too much into it. Trust your feelings in this instance.
Michele

August 23, 2013 at 9:20 pm

Well I sorta have done NC but it’s been on and off. Sometimes we’ll go a few days without contact and then I’ll speak to him or we’ll go a few weeks. But I’m on my third day of this NC trial and we haven’t talked. I just don’t know how I would reattract him as more than friends since we basically clarified that we want to remain best friends and close. You think all the things you said like working out and looking really good and the texting techniques are the best ways to get him to come back? I don’t know what will help really since he doesn’t think about me that way anymore. I always look presentable too.
admin

August 25, 2013 at 6:51 pm

Well, I can’t guarantee you success or anything like that. However, those texting techniques have proven to work in many cases.
Michele

August 22, 2013 at 5:28 pm

And since we said we wanted to remain best friends and always be close, when we talk I feel like it’s not going to mean much to him since we’re just trying to be friends and feel better. And even if he contacts me, which he said he would since he does want to remain close, it’ll probably just be as friends.
Michele

August 22, 2013 at 5:25 pm

Thank you. So you’re saying even though we’ve talked already and seen each other since the break up, starting the Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO will renew all of that?
admin

August 23, 2013 at 6:55 pm

Well, you haven’t done NC right? And as you said in your next comment that you are probably going to be friendzoned. Your goal should be to reattract him as more than friends.

I just mentioned the Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO to let you know it is out there if you are interested.
Michele

August 22, 2013 at 5:51 am

Okay I’ll try to be more specific from now on. I am doing the NC starting today, one day down, 29 to go. Unless he talks to me first before then. It’s just we’re moving into college this weekend for the first time so we’re going to be extremely busy the first few months since everything’s so new so we’re not really going to be focusing on each other that much probably and we won’t be talking or seeing each other as much. And the last two steps in your Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO is to text and get the date, but since we’ve already texted a lot and hung out twice since the breakup, does that not apply? or does it still apply since we’re going to be away from each other and not talking as much and I’m going to improve myself?
admin

August 22, 2013 at 3:40 pm

Probably the real beauty of Ex Recovery PRO is it teaches you how to reingite an exes feelings. Essentially making him chase you and want you to be his gf again.

Good for you for starting the NC rule today I am proud.
admin

August 22, 2013 at 1:41 am

I have two answers for you here. If you want a full rundown of the best way to approach I suggest you get Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.

The condensed (less in-depth) answer:

Go NC for 30 days (4 weeks)
During NC evolve into an ungettable girl
Use the proper texting methods to recreate attraction
Get the date and strike there.

It is kind of tough for me to give you a rundown of what you need to do b/c each situation is unique and complicated so I can’t fill this entire email up with exactly what you need to do step by step. However, if you ask me question by question you may be able to get more out of it.

Lovely

August 19, 2013 at 9:16 am

My boyfriend broke up with just over a month ago, we were in a relationship for 4 years and lived together for 3 years. Just about 2 weeks after our break up he was in a relationship with someone else… i started the NC rule and after about 2 weeks, he made contact with me saying he made the biggest mistake of his life, after him sending me numerous messages I got the urge to reply and did, we met up and he confessed his love for me and saying that he wants me back… we have been in contact everyday since then, but I’m feeing a down again as I feel I made a mistake to have contact with him, he wants time to sort out his mess, do you think I should start the NC again?

admin

August 20, 2013 at 3:39 am

I do think you should start NC again. However, I also think your bf’s new gf could be a rebound.

Goldie

August 18, 2013 at 9:07 am

After being mean, rude, out of reach for over 4 months, my guy is actually showing concern- “ride safely,” “be careful, it’s raining, go slow, road’s slippery,” blah blah blah.
Had called him this morning 2 ask him if it was him who I saw last evening (a ruse to make him notice that m bein put off by his behavior & jealous). hs phone was engaged (as expected), bt ths time, he actually returned my call da next instant. I returned hs call aft an hr & said tht da guy ws lookin a killer, thought it might be him, he replied saying it wasn’t him, and that he wasn’t handsome. he said my prettiness made hs handsomeness look colourless. I just thanked him and hung up the phone saying I had work.
He’s creeping me out, bcoz ths guy hd actually initiated da friendzone a month ago, and now this is how he behaves..!
I baffled due to ths, sometimes I doubt his intentions bt don’t express it, bt love him like mad, bt presently m nt givin him the pleasure of knowing that whatever he does is making any difference to me.
What is ur opinion abt ths? and do you feel that m doin the right thing by staying neutral?

admin

August 19, 2013 at 3:13 am

It’s a step in the right direction correct?

Did NC cause him to change his perspective a little bit?

Ms. S

August 15, 2013 at 5:09 am

Here’s one. I met someone who lives in another country in my city. He was in the states on business, attending industry events, pitching his business, etc. He travels tons but tells me he’s looking to move here. For four months everything was all about me, could I relocate, could I learn Norwegian, could I see myself in Chile, I am a standout, etc. etc. etc. So, the time came for his next world trip at which point he told me if he did not end the trip in my city perhaps we could meet on an island. Then things got pretty wishy washy. He wouldn’t give me a firm yes/no when the time came for me to book my ticket. Finally we had a long talk at which point he told me he thought maybe he needed to step back and figure out what he wanted and then come back to me BUT at the same time maybe it was best to live in the moment and figure things out later. He had been seeing someone in his country but he said it was only because he thought I did not want to relocate immediately. So, I met him on an island. Two days after I got home, I was having issues with him dating someone else. He dumped me. However, since then, all I am getting are mixed messages from him. It is INSANE. He says he’s now in a relationship with this girl yet he says the reason is that I pushed him – not that he is in love with her, not that she’s really more his speed, etc. He says that RIGHT NOW is not the time for us but that he can’t predict the future. He says he still doesn’t know where he’ll be living, to give him a break, BUT he can’t make any promises, that he’s said this over and over but I don’t listen. He says that, verbatim, I am suffocating the chance to grow as we knew each other and now, and in recent weeks, any chance to grow as friends. He says that if he does change his mind he doesn’t want me to know any details of what he’s doing with this other woman. He says that even though he is in a relationship and shouldn’t say such things that in general I obviously have many things to offer and am attractive. He says that he can not start something serious with someone from overseas but originally this was not the issue. He also said that I wanted marriage immediately which I DO NOT. In fact, I am not the marrying kind of lady as I feel that is too much of a contract. And I told him as much. The other night I told him that I didn’t want his friendship, that it hurt too much, and that the only reason I initially agreed to try that was in the hope that he would come back to which he said, just as vaguely, unlikely with all the arguments lately. In the same conversation he said he couldn’t handle the pressure of someone from overseas and thought it would be too difficult to keep the romance alive from a distance. Again, I told him I did not want his friendship. He said not to be so dramatic and he would contact me next week!!!!! My head is spinning. I finally told him in an email I do NOT want his friendship, that there would be no contacting me next week, there would be no giving it room to breathe, there would be no “X mixed message comment” and no “Y mixed message comment” to which he said I was not behaving fairly or rationally, and I slammed the door, figuratively, in his face and told him not to contact me. Blocked him on all social networks and chats. Out of curiosity, what are your thoughts please?

admin

August 16, 2013 at 1:58 am

Well, I am not a fan of how you ended things by figurateively slamming the door in his face. However, you are right to go NC for a while.
Ms. S

August 16, 2013 at 3:07 am

Well I just can not handle all the mixed messages. And being told I am not rational or fair because I do not want his friendship. Or being told I was being dramatic and he’d contact me in a week after I told him no friendship several times. You agree that he’ll be back?
admin

August 17, 2013 at 2:37 am

I think the only person who can truly answer that question is your ex.
Ms. S

August 19, 2013 at 6:41 pm

i see. why thank you chris seiter!
admin

August 20, 2013 at 4:31 am

Thank you…. Ms. S… hahahhahaaha
Ms. S

August 17, 2013 at 2:49 am

i’m so confused. you mentioned you agreed with something i wrote. was it that i think no one else has ever done this before or that i said i think he’ll be back in a BIG way? because i do. think he will be.
admin

August 18, 2013 at 3:22 am

I am hoping he will be back in a big way! So, that is the statement I “agreed with”
Ms. S

August 17, 2013 at 2:41 am

i agree. hence no contact! <3
Ms. S

August 16, 2013 at 3:25 am

Oh my goodness! Sorry. Thank you for your input here! I have another couple of quick questions. What is up with him telling me he can not commit but that he is committed because I pushed him? And what kind of statement is the one about me suffocating growth of how we knew each other? He ended it! How can I suffocate something that he ended??? And by figuratively slamming the door, I just mean that in response to him telling me I was being unfair and irrational, along with other argumentative points, I just responded and simply said please do not ever contact me again.
Ms. S

August 17, 2013 at 2:52 am

your guess is as good as mine on how something he broke off could be suffocated after breaking it off – to me it just sounds like he didn’t intend to really be done. your comment on the committed line is confusing to me – i pushed him to stay with me so he committed to someone else? well that is not a good reason to commit to someone.
admin

August 17, 2013 at 2:43 am

He probably feels like you pushed him into staying with you (even though you maybe didn’t.) That is where the committed line comes from. The suffocating growth thing is kind of confusing. He may have just felt a lot of stress and suffocated b/c of it?
Ms. S

August 15, 2013 at 6:02 am

My thoughts are that he will be back in a BIG way. Frankly, I think marriage, that he is so scared of, that I am not a huge fan of, will be on his mind. I really don’t think anyone has done this to him before.
admin

August 16, 2013 at 1:59 am

I agree!
Ms. S

August 15, 2013 at 5:12 am

And I forgot that he keeps telling me he can not commit now BUT upon reminding him that he IS committed he says “because you pushed me to do it!”

Ana

August 14, 2013 at 2:56 pm

I do have one question. My boyfriend of 6 years moved out of my house 2 months ago and he has been living with someone else for the last 2 months and stringing me along. He was coming to see me every weekend and spending time with me and emailing me and texting me. I only found out about this other girl because of this past weekend he told me he was working 16 hours on Saturday and I was being a nice person and went to his work to take him lunch and found out he wasn’t working at all. So I pulled his call logs from his cell phone and found a phone number I thought was for the office he worked for and called it. I found out it was his new girlfriend that he is now living with. He was so angry with me he told me he didn’t love me anymore and that we were done. Is there still a chance that he does love me and that I can win him back. We have 6 years of good and bad times but mostly good. I still love this man with all my heart. And yes I have started the no contact rule I am on day 3.

admin

August 15, 2013 at 3:21 am

I am sorry he did that to you Ana. That is a really dumb a** move in my opinion. I hate men like that.

Stay in NC that is the best thing for you. But it is even more important that you improve and evolve during that time.
Ana

August 16, 2013 at 11:26 am

I will say this no contact rule is really hard. I am on day number 5 and I am already missing him so much. I do everything I can to keep myself busy and I bury myself in my work but even then he creeps up into my mind. It has been so bad that I have now lost a total of 52 pounds in the last 2 1/2 months. I am working on getting back to me but I can’t help but to think that this is a rebound relationship for him. What do you think?
admin

August 17, 2013 at 3:10 am

What does your gut tell you? Rebound or not?
ana

August 17, 2013 at 11:57 am

I think its a rebound. He was telling me that after four months he loves her. But again he was furious with me when he is saying all of this. So it just seems like he just wanted to hurt me. My concern is that they have been living together for two months and seeing each other for only four months. This seems very fast. But I also think he did it cause he needed a place to live.
admin

August 18, 2013 at 4:03 am

Then lets assume it is a rebound! YAY!

annie

August 12, 2013 at 6:38 pm

after 35 days no contact my ex texted me: “we can civilly talk now” im so confused does he mean he wants closure? is this an attempt to reconcile?
i messaged him a day after saying: “okay i agree” but what now?

admin

August 13, 2013 at 3:09 am

The problem is that you are doing it on his terms. However, you agreed to it so maybe you just have a calm talk now.

Amy

August 10, 2013 at 6:14 pm

I’ve been reading through your posts and I feel like I’m about to lose my mind from all of the questions I have. Here’s my story:

My guy and I had been dating for 9 months. During that time we got a dog together, planned to move in together one day and spent all of our time texting and talking to one another. This summer, he started working with a bunch of old friends and an old flame from back in the day. Also during this summer, I started getting stressed out about money and the dog was tearing up my apartment and things were getting taken out on him. After we fought, we usually made up and things were back to normal and we seemed fine. Around July, he started only hanging out with his work friends, these two girls a year younger than me, eventually after a fight he declared he wanted a break and we spent almost two weeks going back and forth. He would do something kind like call me “honey” or “Dear” and then he would ignore my texts. I’d write him a little note (like I always did when we were dating) and he would tell me that despite being convinced that he wanted to break up, he wasn’t sure. Eventually he broke up with me. Saying he wasn’t sure what he wanted and he wasn’t sure if he wanted a relationship with me, someone else or to be single. On top of all of this, he was leaving for law school in a few weeks and apparently his family had been fighting. I, being desperate and still in love, tried calling, texting and trying to talk to him for a few days. I suggested we hang out, and he said he was going to a baseball game with his grandparents. Turns out his grandparents are a blonde girl that he had spent most of his time with during our “break”.
Eventually it was revealed to me that he had moved on with her. He told me he’d spent all summer with her and hadn’t really meant for it to happen. He told me “it wasn’t like he stopped caring for me. Things changed.”
I’m 90% sure this is a rebound. He’s leaving for another state in two weeks and she’d going south for school in a week. They never declared their relationship on FB and really just tweet to each other and go places on dates or whatever.
We had a pretty good relationship up until this point, it just seems to be a reoccurring pattern when dating girls that he hooks up with this chick (He’d mentioned once that in previous relationships this had happened). He told me he was dating this girl for sure about two days after the break up. I insisted to him I was over him and had begun dating too. We agreed to be friends and then I heard nothing.
Until a few days ago he texted me and asked if I was working so he could take this girl on a date to the place I work without feeling weird about everything. I called him out on it, being the stubborn person I am. I told him that friends don’t ask friends if they are working and make it clear what is happening. I kind of yelled at him for being such an asshole toward the end by toying with me and leading me on only to dump me for this girl and he never replied. A day later I asked him about my things on FB and he replied and I didn’t say a thing after that.
I found your page a few hours later and I’m attempting the NC rule and I’m on day three.
My main questions with this information would be:
I want to see the dog and I can guarantee he is going to contact me after his new girlfriend has left, before he leaves for law school. This could be my only opportunity to see the dog for a very long time. IF I don’t speak to him until then, is it safe to use the minimal contact rule and just see if we can meet up and I can just get the dog for an afternoon?
Is it possible that he might still be interested in me? He seemed so distracted with these girls once they came into the picture. He said when we broke up that he was just looking for a fun summer and he wasn’t getting that with me and that he was very confused right now.

After seeing him and seeing the dog on one day, should I continue not to speak to him? What if he begins speaking to me like usual again? Should I continue to wait out the thirty days?

I’m fairly confident he hadn’t physically cheated on me, only emotionally cheated on me so he could make his decision about the break-up and get with someone he saw as “fun”. I can give him the benefit of the doubt in this area as it is a definitely confusing time in his life and he obviously has no idea what he wants now that a million things are happening at once.
I guess we have to wait and see, I just can’t let this relationship go because I know that if all of these things in both of our lives hadn’t hit us at a single time, so early in the relationship, we would have been fine.

admin

August 11, 2013 at 3:34 am

I think for sure you can use MC to see the dog. And yes, after you see the dog go straight back into NC no matter what happens after that.

lynn

August 10, 2013 at 12:33 pm

basically, we did the NC. he couldnt resist after 4days and i told him i accepted the break up and i want to move forward. i told him we can try to be friends atm and i kept the txting to a minimum. it going good then his moods changes cos he knows i have be occupying my time catching up with frens. he gets works up about what im doing after repeatedly telling me we broke up and he doesnt care (but get super batshit mad) about what i do. so why is he so mad if he doesnt care? is it so damn hard to say it or admit it? anyway, he thinks im out on dates with other men or partying like an idiot when im just out catching up with my friends. then he goes u were right we cant be friends ( when i meant that was when we just broke up cant be friends yet cos we needed time and space to get over each other and he refused – which i think he’s gotten the wrong idea of what i meant) that i drive him crazy and i blew the chance of us getting back together. so again he says he wants no contact till he comes back. this is utterly annoying cos he cant seem to make up his mind? does he want me back in his life or not or he cant simply handle that with or without him, life goes on. its hurts for me the most cos i got dumped for my past for whatever reason why and my job was a threat to the relationship cos my job involves in meeting new people everyday. i know what i want from all this – if he doesnt want to work it, i’d be fine being friends cos i value friendship and if he wants it, he’s gotta mean it cos im done being nice. so tell me, does he want me or not ? men are really complex.

admin

August 11, 2013 at 3:13 am

Have you read my latest post? I attempt to break mens mindset down for you!

Tatiana

August 9, 2013 at 6:43 am

I really appreciate your posts and all this useful information! I have a question though my boyfriend went back to his ex after dating for 8 months. I also found out that he broke up with his ex a month before we started dating. Would this not make me a rebound? We were going through hard times and he ended our relationship to go back to his ex. Is his ex now a rebound too since he went back to his ex just days after breaking up with me?

admin

August 10, 2013 at 2:42 am

Rebounds here, rebounds there, rebounds everywhere…

This is a pretty tricky situation. I think the answer lies in how long did you and your ex boyfriend date?

Sonia

August 8, 2013 at 7:28 am

I’m so glad I found your site! I have it bookmarked 🙂

My ex BF let’s his anger out when chatting via IM. We broke up last May. No contact until Jan. He contacted me via IM. On and off chats- 2 months later etc. His exact words “Well I would have appreciated you more if I didn’t have so much resentment that you did not want to work to your full potential”

I know didn’t give all that I had because 9 years– just waiting for him to pop the question. And me just becoming so co-dependent and fearful of losing him just made me not who I really was. It bothered me every time and never expressed it to him.

He’s so vague at times.. but overall, he just lets his anger out on me for hurting him. Let’s not forget that it was a relationship- two people end up getting hurt not only one.

So will this ‘resentment’ ever go away and rebuild our relationship?

admin

August 9, 2013 at 4:14 am

It can go away with time for sure! I am actually working on finishing up an ebook that goes step by step in teaching you what men want and how to get them back. So, be on the lookout for that b/c I think it can really help you!

Allie

August 8, 2013 at 2:29 am

Honey, if you can decode & explain what most men are thinking (& DOING) regarding relationships and breakups-inside of a YEAR, much less a week-you’d deserve both the Pulitzer Price AND the Nobel Prize in literature!!! 🙂

Other strange guy behaviors us SS’s (Seiter Sisters) are wondering:

breaking through grudges

Is the bigger the ego=the bigger the insecurity?
Behaving the opposite of how they feel (longing/missing/loving but emotionally distant and pushing the girl away)

How to reconnect after they are hurt

Can they REALLY get a case of “the grass could be greener” or is that a myth?

Do they ever really think “you don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone?”

How do you keep them “chasing” you once you are in a relationship? or…how can we still be the UG once we have been “gotten?” (Long distance doesn’t help…)

How do they behave if they feel guilty? Do they lash out in anger and project the blame onto the girl (I get that anger means he is still emotionally invested, but are there other reasons he sometimes behaves like a jerk & shifts blame?)

How can he think that he can ever be happy by not being vulnerable to anyone or feeling numb? He says he felt that way since our breakup.

And…(I don’t think this applies to me, but I’ve always wondered) is once a cheater always a cheater true?

Wish I could chat with your girl friend that got back together with her baby daddy!! Wonder all the emotions she went through and logistical problems she dealt with all that time. 🙂

(no questions tonight…just thinking of the MANY confusing things boys say & do…can’t wait for your new guide!!!!)

admin

August 8, 2013 at 2:42 am

I am working on a new guide right now. It is 6.5k words so far which is a lot (plan to get it around 8-10). I should have it up tomorrow or Friday. I didn’t answer all those new questions (I will tackle them slowly hahaha) but I did talk about “understanding your boyfriend.” I hope it is good enough for you!

Oh, and I also finished my E-Book on how to get your ex boyfriend back. I am formatting it and going over it. I am excited to put that on the site!
Allie

August 8, 2013 at 5:26 am

Wow! You’ve been a busy boy!! I can’t wait to read the masterpiece!! 🙂 I know it will be outstanding. Everything else on your site has been great so far!! And the e-book, too!! I’ll have to cancel my Fri night date to read them both!! If only I HAD a Fri night date…haha! Thanks for all you do!
admin

August 9, 2013 at 4:08 am

It’s live. I did the best I could! I feel I could have done better with it but the new “guide” is live. I am still finishing up the ebook though.
Tracy

August 19, 2013 at 10:36 am

Hi. Where can I find this new ‘guide’
Thanks
admin

August 20, 2013 at 3:48 am

The Ebook? It will be coming out later this week.

Laneesha

August 6, 2013 at 11:53 am

Question: I may be moving from DC to Baltimore by October. I end my NC on September 4th. Do you think that if we are 50 minutes away from another that it will be harder to reconnect? I mean we used to live 45 mins from one another for the first year of our relationship (we were together for another year after I moved closer to him)…thanks!

admin

August 7, 2013 at 2:50 am

I think it will be tougher but still achievable.
Laneesha

August 7, 2013 at 11:22 am

Ok, thanks for the honesty.

Olaryinkah

August 3, 2013 at 3:24 pm

A very big thanks 2 u google bc u’v really make me feel like a real lady again……dough I’m having issues with my boyfriend bc he hardly respect me in the presence of his friend or even else where so I need 2 let him go n now he is trying 2 come back for us 2 continue our relationship buh one thing dat baffles me now is that u said “I should let go a guy that abuses me physically or emotionally dough 2 say d fact I love this my so called ex but I do ignore him in NC period. So he called me now asking me 2 meet him on an outing this evening 4 us 2 discuss, I agreed inside me before but when I get through your site now made me understand this is not the right time 4 us being hanging out 4 discussion bc so far u said d more I make my self being uneasy 2 get back, the more value he thinks of me. I must say I really appreciate your concern towards relationship, once again well done n more so your words are very understandable even without stressing one self searching 4 dictionary 2 get the correction of some words. Keep it up. Yeah. Will appreciate if I can receive a reply from you. Thanks.

admin

August 4, 2013 at 3:03 am

Thanks for the comment. Do you have a particular question I can help you with?

Allie

August 2, 2013 at 4:19 am

DANGIT!!! Your posts are too short!! 😉 I soak up every word and all the information & then “poof” it ends!! We want more! :0 I gotta catch some zzzs but I’ve got a few question to toss your way tomorrow. It makes me happy when I see new posts…I always learn something new. Tonight it was that men REALLY do have snakes in THEIR heads! It’s not just us chicks!! So that leads me to a topic “request…” What’s the deal with the guys emotions on a grander scale? For instance-do they behave the opposite of how they feel, lie to themselves about their feelings, really think they can have their cake & eat it, too, that *£€#}¥ EGO some have!! Does an overinflated, arrogant (narcissist-ish) & thinkin all the girls like him (like your gym buddy) really a coverup for being hurt or ashamed? A facade? He wasn’t that way with me until things started going downhill & we split. (He’d also gone through a nasty divorce & she moved away with the kids, I got pregnant…it’s our own little white trash soap opera!). Maybe men post divorce would be another good topic!! You’d think that “RUN FAR AWAY FROM HIM” would make the most sense, but it looks like some of my fellow Seiter sisters are in the same boat. Anyway…my ex went through a lot of major life changes in a short period of time & now just seems like he’s become a 15 year old jock trapped in a mans body. Ugh. Do they realize what they could be destroying in being an angry jerk? Seems that he lets his guard down just a little bit, catches himself & gets a little harsh & distant again. It’s almost like he spooks himself. We live hundreds of miles apart so that doesn’t help. Sunday will be 45 days of NC. I’m very proud of me!! Don’t fuss at me for it going a little longer…our breakup was in slow motion for about 6 months. We’d had a couple of brief periods of NC (which HE always broke). Our baby is still an infant & how much if any involvement he will have is the topic of our next convo. He was actually very sweet on the phone the last time we spoke. He had called me twice that week & texted once asking if I was just busy or had decided never to speak to him again. (I had been ignoring him but we had agreed to speak that week aboyt tge baby & i wanted to keep my word). Yay me! We spoke a couple days later (this was all towards the end of June). During that conversation, he asked if I hated him, he hates how everything worked out, there is still a lot between us and the only thing missing is the romantic connection but he doesn’t know how to get it back, Now he just feels numb he does not feel vulnerable to anyone, he doesn’t have an emotional attachment to anyone anymore and he likes it he won’t get hurt, etc (Sorry if it’s jumbly… I’m on the phone), He is never had the same feeling with any other woman either before or since me (never loved his ex wife, he started going on dates RIGHT after we officially broke up & has been plastered on the Swimfan stalker’s page but she’s not on his), He told me he doesn’t want to cut me out of his life. I asked him why not and he just quietly said “I just don’t.” He said that he still cares about me and wonders about me and of course about our son, and knows that he can’t just walk back into my life one day & has Worried all along he wouldn’t be able to get me back. He had said over & over that our son was our thread with each other, hopes that communicating about him & sharing him will spark those romantic feelings for him again, Wonders if we get out of the relationship limbo we have been in if that will help restart our connection, wants what I do but just feels numb now & doesn’t know how to fix out connection, etc. oooh!! He also commented the last time we spoke that before our last visit (mid June-I’d call that our face to face breakup) that I would’ve returned his calls or texts pretty quick. It got his attention when I didn’t job when he called and texted! If you look up the lyrics for Alabama by Cross Canadian Ragweed, It seems as if it was written about a couple who had broken up but were missing each other…or a long distance love. Anyway…he Told me that that song makes me think of me. It also mentions the town where we were going to be married and he remembered that. Or so he says… He told me 2 weeks after we broke up in April that I stayed on his mind and that he missed me and wanted back what we had, sent flowers for Mother’s Day, and then told me that he felt like I was the one that got away but he didn’t know how to fix what was broken, He hasn’t felt an emotional connection with any other woman at any time…he just wants easy & carefree right now, I would take the most dedication, commitment, loyalty, And he didn’t have it in him right now. He asked a couple of times why I put up with all of his crap, or that he hasn’t scared me off yet. I think I told him that I felt like what I had done all that I could do and it still didn’t work and I could hold my head high and know i tried my best & Could walk away. The girl I told you about in the other post is the one that would have wiped his butt if he had told her to… So she makes everything in his life easy for him. When we were getting off the phone last time, he said he would understand if I wanted to cut him out of my life but that was not what he wanted. He would leave it up to me to contact him whenever I wanted to talk & Wanted me to call even if it wasn’t about our son. Like I said… Sunday will be six weeks. A big reason I’ve made it this long is that I am just truly exhausted from riding this crazy train. I’ve been trying to get less emotional… Some days are better than others. And I have to take care of legal issues with the baby before we speak again. Wow-I wrote a lot!! So here are the specifics-

Proposed topic in more depth if men’s emotions & how we are to interpret them, behaving opposite of feelings, pushing away the woman they most love bc he’s a big ol chicken, possibly warnings for women dating divorced men…

What the crap is my ex thinking?? I’m the one that got away, I’m his biggest regret for not working out, yet he’s wanting to go date other chicks, or be at the house with no one to answer to/freedom from relationship responsibility (dude….we have a BABY). I am postulating that he wants to see if the grass is greener on the other side before jumping all in with me. That would suck for him.

Why does it seem like he runs away, then runs back? He told me that he did still love me but it just was not the same as before . No relationship stays in the honeymoon forever. If he would quit sucking up attention from other chicks and focus on what is more special to him I’ll bet he would get it back really quickly. Big baby.

He hasn’t contacted me during this NC-said he was leaving it up to me. (I send pics & info about baby to his mom & sis).
-is he worried or REALLY angry now & being stubborn? Nervous I’m gone for good so he’s happy to swim along with Swimfan stalker? Is he checking his phone constantly looking for me to call? He has told me he’s going out with a couple of girls that remind him of me. And that he is looking for the connection that we had. It sucks hearing that but at least he’s honest and he’s comparing other women to me.

-what will it take for him to hit rock bottom & become a vestige of the man he was before?

Too tired to proofread…sorry! Thanks again SO much for this site. I can tell you put lots of work & effort into it. We want more posts!!!

Goodnight from your Seiter sister!!

admin

August 2, 2013 at 6:59 am

P.S. The Ultimate Guide To Understanding Your Boyfriend… I will try to get it done in a week but honestly I think it will take a while b/c there is A LOT to go through.
admin

August 2, 2013 at 6:58 am

I love your comments. ABSOLUTELY LOVE THEM! I loved this one in particular so much that I am doing something that I have never done before, I broke my routine for the first time ever.

You see, my days lately working on this site usually consist of doing a couple of things.

I wake up, have breakfast and either (continue writing an EPIC ebook that is almost 15k words thus far and I will have it to 20k by the end of the week) or I write a post for this site to keep the momentum going! Today I focused solely on writing this post and I actually felt I did a poor job. I wanted to bring a unique view but I felt I was just writing for the sake of writing but I am so pleased that you enjoyed it and soaked it up. It means I am doing my job well (make no mistake about it running this site has turned into a full time job that takes about 5 hours a day.)

Anyways, the daily routine that you had me break is the comment moderation. You see, every single day I get close to 50 comments and between 20-30 emails that I have to answer personally. That may change in the future if this all becomes too big for me to handle but right now I think everyone deserves a response! I am very set in my ways about moderating comments and emails. It usually takes me an hour and a half and once I finish it (usually around 11 PM) I never turn back. I close up shop for the day because quite honestly it can be an exhausting experience.

Of course, today was different. I got curious to see how many comments I had waiting for me for tomorrows moderation session and I saw your epic comment and quite honestly I enjoy you because you have become “emotionally invested” in what I am saying and I appreciate that you understand how much work I am putting into this. So, I read through your entire comment and boy let me say I can’t believe you typed that on a phone. I mean, my god!

There was so much there that I am not sure I can get to it all but I will tell you one thing.

You gave me an idea, and the last time I had an idea like this I took the time and wrote this.

The idea I am having is this. Create a very long, in-depth guide about everything I know about breakups and the male perspective on them.

Something like:

“The Ultimate Guide To Understanding Your Boyfriend”

Basically, everything that he is thinking. Now, I can only comment on my own personal knowledge on the subject so I may not answer everything that you are wondering b/c your ex may be a little different than me but usually when I go on these tirades about the “male mind” women get really interested. So, why not create something that focuses solely on that.

Now for the stuff about your ex boyfriend. Hmm… I think I would like to tackle the “other girl” first. One thing that I do know about men is that without a doubt they will tire of someone like her. Someone who is willing to wipe their butt when they need it to be wiped with no questions asked. Maybe he likes it now, being able to have that kind of control over a girl but it will grow stale eventually. Everything you described about how your ex is acting points to him having feelings but being confused about what to do with them. It’s like all his eggs are in your basket but he isn’t there to collect them yet.

It could be a phase where he is just finding himself. One of my best girl friends has a very similar story to yours. Her ex broke up with her while she was pregnant with his child. She implemented NC and he came running back. Things grew sour though, they began fighting a lot and it ended bad… really bad. Anyways, she moved on (but her heart was always with him) until one day after after a year had passed he called (and they reunited.) They are together as we speak to this day!

In the end sometimes all it takes is just time for the ex to get his head together. The keyword here being “time.” I can give you the very best advice in the world, stuff that could position you perfectly but in the end nothing beats time and having an ex in the right frame of mind to want you back!

Loooking at your situation I think your ex has those deep feelings about you BUT he isn’t in the right frame of mind yet. Of course, when you are ready to finally talk with him I think some good things can happen for you. Some really good things. Of course, I am always optimistic for my Seiter Sisters 😉
Allie

August 13, 2013 at 7:28 pm

CRAP CRAP CRAP!!! do you offer emergency service?!? (Haha). First…LOVED the guide you did & I literally CANNOT wait for the ebook!!! Second…I finally initiated contact after 7 weeks (last time we spoke he said he’d understand if I didn’t want to talk anymore & cut him out of my life& our son’s life, but it wasn’t what he wanted…was leaving contact up to me). So…I def got a positive response (told him I did want him involved with our son & we’d talk later about how to do that with 700 mi between us). I also shared pics & vids of the baby. Dang…can I just email the texts from him of interest for you to “interpret” as a dude? I may be reading too much into them & Swimfan is def still circling him. (I think you’d asked somewhere else if it was meant as an insult & if she got the joke. 96% sure it was an insult…my ex’s BFF started addressing her that way in her obnoxious, gooey, stalker like comments on my ex’s page. & BFF still adores me & was always my cheerleader. She asked him to clarify what he meant by Swimfan. He told her in the thread to Google Netflix, watch the movie. I didn’t know what that meant, either-I was around during Fatal Attraction. So…anyone looking at that thread could find out!! Then she called him an a. Hole in the thread. How long until my ex gets TIRED of her?? It now appears that his hobbies have become hers. There are some FB pics of the 2 of them together. She ALWAYS comments about loving him, missing him, blah, blah, blah…he never likes or comments in return.). I need help!! I’m not prepared to respond & I’ve read all your stuff. I’m a big ol chicken!!!
admin

August 14, 2013 at 2:41 am

Just email the responses to me!

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