By Chris Seiter

Updated on March 16th, 2021

Today we are going to be talking about the unconscious signs that your ex wants you back.

In other words, these are the signs that your ex will be exhibiting without even being aware of.

In all, I have diagnosed 19 signs that I’d like to talk about in this article.

So, buckle up because this is going to be one heck of an article.

What Are The Unconscious Signs That Your Ex Wants You Back? 

As I was researching for this article I came across 19 distinct “signs” that fit the bill. However, as I started diagnosing these signs I determined that there was actually a really interesting pattern forming.

In essence, you can take each sign and divide them into three distinct categories.

  1. The Universal Unconscious Signs
  2. The Male Unconscious Signs
  3. The Female Unconscious Signs

Now, what do you think these categories mean?

Great question!

I’m glad you asked.

Universal Signs = The subconscious signs that can be applied to pretty much every breakup situation.

Male Signs = The subconscious signs that should only be applied to males

Female Signs = The subconscious signs that should only be applied to females

Pretty straight forward, right?

From this point on I’d like to divide our 19 unconscious signs into these three categories.


Let’s begin!

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The Universal Unconscious Signs That Your Ex Wants You Back

Just a quick reminder.

This category is talking about the universal signs that can be applied to any situation.

Here’s how we are going to roll.

If you know anything about me then you probably know that I am crazy when it comes to my articles. I like to give a lot of details and that is even applied to my own book which rivals Harry Potter in length.

For this article though I have decided to switch gears and not talk so much about the details. Instead, you’ll see me giving a quick synopsis of what the sign is and then moving on.

  1. Seeing your ex browse social media
  2. Leaning towards a person shows attraction, leaning away shows repulsion
  3. Blushing shows attraction
  4. Mirroring
  5. Smiling
  6. Having them reach out without you doing anything

There are six universal signs to cover in this section so lets get to work.

1. Seeing Your Ex Browse Social Media

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This occurs if you notice your ex is paying attention to you on social media.

How does that work?

Let’s use Facebook as our guinea pig. If you hadn’t noticed you can actually like and comment on your friends photos. We’ve noticed an influx in this behavior among exes who are still interested in pursuing a relationship.

2. Leaning Towards A Person Shows Attraction, Leaning Away Shows Repulsion

Take a look at the graphic below because this is best explained with a visual aid.

Leanings towards a person is good,

Leaning away from a person is bad,

3. Blushing Shows Attraction

This one is pretty self explanatory as well.

Let’s pretend that you and your ex go on a date and then throughout the date you say or do something that makes them blush,

That is a very good sign.

4. Mirroring

This one might require a little bit of an explanation.

A few weeks ago I write an article where I talked about the concept of mirroring.

In it, I told the story of a girl that had a crush on me in a college class and how I noticed that she was literally mirroring my body language.

I’d lay back in my chair, she’d follow suit.

I’d stretch, a few minutes later she’d do the same thing.

In the end I compared her to a mime,

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What she was actually doing was mirroring which is a form of unconscious attraction you can engage in when you are interested in someone.

5. Smiling

Again, this is very self explanatory and I don’t think I’ll need to dive too deep into this one.

If you notice your ex is smiling a lot around you it’s a good sign.

Shocking, right?

Let’s move on.

6. Having Them Reach Out To You Without You Having To Do Anything

I think an argument can be made that out of everything on this list this is probably the most impactful one.

In my book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO I talk a lot about how it’s important to master investment when it comes to your ex.

Investment can come in many forms.

  1. For some it can be physical
  2. For others it can be measured through money
  3. While others can measure it in time

In a perfect world you’d get all three of those things.

Having your ex reach out to you without you really having to do anything is an extremely good indicator that unconsciously there is some type of attraction going on within your ex.

I’ve seen it time and time again in my success stories.

The Male Unconscious Signs

Now we start getting down to the nitty gritty.

In the category above I talked about universal signs which means that you can literally apply these signs to any situation. However, the vast majority of my research led me to gender specific subconscious signs.

Therefore, in this section we are going to be talking about six male specific signs,

  1. Parted Lips
  2. A raised eyebrow
  3. Self grooming
  4. Legs spread while standing
  5. Playing with buttons on a jacket
  6. Eye contact

It’s funny, I think the proof that these signs are actually unconscious is that I’m sitting here and reading them thinking,

I don’t do that…

But then again, these are supposed to be unconscious which means I’m not supposed to be aware that I’m doing them.

Anyways, I digress.

Let’s get to work.

1. Parted Lips

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This one strikes me personally as odd but it kept coming up in all of my research.

I always think things like this work better with a visual aid so here you go,

If your ex starts looking at you like that… good sign!

2. Raised Eyebrows

Again, this one is very self explanatory but I do want to offer one caveat.

Generally you are looking for raised eyebrows with an accompanying smile,

Again, if your ex looks at you like this it’s a good sign.

3. Unconscious Self Grooming

I envision a nervous self grooming habit when you are among someone you are attracted to.

Personally speaking, every once in a while if you ever see me in person you’ll see me stroke my whiskers on my beard.

I don’t do this too often but I do end up doing it a lot when I’m around someone I’m interested in.


Because I want to look perfect.

4. Legs Spread When Standing

This was an odd subconscious sign I kept seeing come up about men so I couldn’t not include it.

I get the feeling there is some type of sexual connotations here.

Standing like this,

The first thing my mind jumps to is that by positioning himself this way the male can display his crotch. Hence, the sexual connotations.

5. Playing With Buttons On A Jacket

I put this one here based on personal experience.

When I was 18 I had a major crush on a girl. In fact, every time I was around here I would fiddle around nervously. One particular day, during a football game, we were sitting next to each other and I couldn’t stop fiddling with the buttons on my jacket.

I ended up messing with them so much that the button came off.

I did that because I needed something to grab on to. I needed to find a way to dispel all of that energy.

6. Prolonged Eye Contact

Again, this may seem like a no brainer and for the most part it is.

The one thing I’d like to draw your attention to is the word “prolonged.”

If your ex boyfriend stares into your eyes and prolongs that experience it could be a subconscious signal.

The Female Unconscious Signs

Perhaps the most fascinating part about researching for this article was learning that males and females have two completely different unconscious ways of showing attraction.

I had always just assumed most “signs” were universal but that’s actually not the case and you’re about to find out why as we go through seven subconscious signs that a female could still be attracted to you.

  1. Lowering eyelids like they are shy
  2. Pouting
  3. Licking or biting lips
  4. Emphasizing the breasts
  5. Showing the delicacy of their body
  6. Hair flip
  7. Accidental touch

Let’s dive in.

1. Lowering Their Eyelids Like They Are Shy

I want to turn your attention to the blushing meme I used above,

What we have here is a pretty great representation of two of the signs on this list.

The universal sign of “blushing” and the female specific sign of batting your eyelashes. That’s the cool thing about a lot of these signs. Sometimes they work in tandem right next to each other.

2. Pouting

But not the annoying kind of pouting.

The cute kind of pouting.

Like this,

What matters here is actually the intent. There is such a thing as real pouting. We are talking about playful pouting which often time is synonymous with being over the top on purpose.

3. Licking Or Biting Lips

To me, this is the most obvious subconscious behavior.

It’s the equivalent of walking up to an ex and saying,

Hey I want you to kiss me here

And often men are smart enough to get the hint.

4. Emphasizing The Breasts

I honestly feel like I am not in a great position to have commentary on this particular unconscious sign other than the fact that I’d argue it’s actually a very conscious decision to emphasize ones breasts.

However, in all my research this kept coming up so I felt forced to include it.

How is this a conscious decision?

Well, often it has to do with the clothing worn and at some point when you are picking out your wardrobe the thought of,

Hey, my boobs look great in this, I should wear this.

Has to go through your mind, right?

5. Showing The Delicacy Of Their Body

My wife has very feminine posture.

The problem is that for the longest time I couldn’t really find a way to describe what feminine posture was. However, the more I think about it the more I realize that feminine posture for men is the same thing as looking at a person and thinking that they are delicate.

Not weak… that’s important to remember.

But soft…

Like a flower.

Like this,

(That’s my wife by the way)

I see this picture and my first thought is how I shouldn’t hug her too tight because of how delicate she probably is.

This is a big turn on.

6. The Hair Flip

I’m not even sure if “hair flip” is a good way to describe this unconscious sign.

Heck, I’m not even sure of how to describe it so let me just show you,

Ok, maybe hair flip was the perfect way to describe this.

7. The Accidental Touch

This one can only be applied when you are one on one with your ex.

If you start to notice that she “accidentally touches you.”

It could be a really good sign.

Usually these touches will occur on the arm, the leg or sometimes the shoulder.

It just depends on the situation.

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4 thoughts on “Unconscious Signs Your Ex Wants You Back”

  1. Kristen

    September 15, 2019 at 7:53 pm

    It’s been about a month since the break up and afterwards I begged, pleaded, cried, all the things you weren’t supposed to I did, even showing up at his or our house multiple times. I got into no contact right after well I would see him and his dad around town occasionally and I would always see him looking at any of my stories and he tagged me in our angel’s gender reveal video. Last night I got a snapchat from him asking me if I could come over so we could talk. I came over and we talked for awhile, ate burgers, and watched some movies together well he fell asleep on my lap and we ended up going to bed and cuddled all night long. We also had some fun last night and this morning and he took me out to breakfast, well he had told me he misses his family and he loved me and always will. He also said he wants to get back together many times but he doesn’t know if he can trust me again. I’m so confused and now he is snapping me pictures of our dogs and keeps saying that they are my dogs. I need help or advice I’m so confused.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 17, 2019 at 9:03 am

      Hey Kristen, so he has told you he wants to get back together (Great) but he is worried about the trust side of things. What did you do to break his trust? You need to show how you’re being honest and open with him, allowing him to have his space but be stable and patient with him. Assuming you’ve cheated (emotionally or physically) You need to make sure you are not in touch with the person/people who you cheated with. Keep focusing on your life, but being mindful that you are not putting yourself in situations where he questions you.

  2. Hopey

    October 14, 2018 at 8:33 pm

    Wow my ex has stared in my eyes. I have followed the part of redoing myself look happy and new look he has opened all my status updates. My question if he looks away while saying something is that he doesn’t mean it ?

    1. Chris Seiter

      October 14, 2018 at 9:07 pm

      Hi Hopey!

      No….not necessarily. It could mean he is nervous or looking at you distracts him and he is collecting his thoughts.