By Chris Seiter

Updated on March 16th, 2021

We’ve all been in breakups where we wish we could take it back, but is your ex wishing he could take this breakup back?

Today, I’m going to take you through six signs that your breakup is NOT permanent.

Before I get into the signs, I want to be clear that I’m not just pulling these out of a hat.

I googled what some of my peers had to say on this topic, and I was disappointed to see their suggestions.

It seemed like they just made stuff up that sounds good but that doesn’t really explain how humans work.

My observations are based on real-life client success stories that I studied to pin down the exact behavioral changes people exhibit when they want their ex back- that is, the breakup isn’t permanent.

The following signs are based on real-life scenarios and real-life success stories!

Let’s begin.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Sign #1: Your Ex Invests A Lot Of Time Into You

Ask yourself how much time and energy your ex is putting forth into you?

This isn’t just about them having one three-hour long conversation with you because that’s not really proof that they’re “investing” time in you.

Their behavior needs to be CONSISTENT.

Your ex should be having long conversations with you over an extended period of time.

Of course, they won’t always be having three-hour chats with you, and they might even go away for a day or two.

As long as the conversations are consistently long and involved, you’re good.

This time investment can be through text messages, phone calls, or real-life interactions.

Anything that shows they’re willing to put aside a big part of their day to talk to you means that they still care.

Sign #2: Your Exes Responses Are Meaningful

Let’s say your ex is investing a lot of time talking to you, but what if all that time is just negative?

What if you’re just fighting and arguing about things?

Such instances don’t really signal the best chances for a non-permanent breakup.

You should be aiming for meaningful and positive responses.

Now, what does this look like?

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Generally speaking, the response should not be a short or one-word response because that doesn’t really mean much.

If your ex keeps replying to you with words like “cool” or “That’s awesome,” what are you supposed to do with it?

Not much.

Let’s pretend you reached out to your ex with a text saying:

“You are not going to believe what happened to me.”

This is a pretty decent pattern disrupter/hook to get your ex engaged, but the usual response is “What happened?” Well, imagine your ex responds with:

“Actually, you’re not gonna believe what happened to me…”

And they go into a really long story about their day. That’s the kind of response you should be looking for because it’s meaningful.

The more long, meaningful exchanges you have, the more likely it is that your breakup is not permanent.

Sign #3: A Year Has Not Yet Passed

The best part of my job is that I get access to so much unique data that no one else really has, and that gives me concrete statistical figures about the breakup/patch-up process.

For example, did you know that the average rebound relationship usually lasts between 5.2 months?

Here’s another one.

Did you know that the average success story we have will happen between months 3 and 6?

Basically, you need to be patient if you want your ex back, but how much patience is too much?

What happens if a year goes by and there’s still no sign of getting your ex back?

Generally speaking, we’ve seen that your chances of getting your ex back get significantly lower after a year has gone by.

Now I’m not saying that it’s impossible to get an ex back after a few years, but the odds of that happening are definitely stacked up against you.

In fact, I’d say that a majority of people who get their ex back after a year utilize a method we call “moving on without moving on.” This is when they’ve tried everything to get their ex back and completely failed.

These consistent failures leave them with only one choice – moving on.

It’s only after they move on and do something new with their life, such as dating someone else or leading a career shift that their ex starts to notice them again.

Waiting that long isn’t the point of this article, though. Just know that in general, the first year after a breakup is when your chances of getting back together are the highest.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Once that one-year mark hits, it can be extremely difficult to get your ex back using traditional strategies.

Sign #4: Your Ex Randomly Calls You Asking For A Meetup

The idea of the “pendulum swing” is very important to understand here.

Think of it like this – when you go through a breakup, you’re a mess of lots of different emotions like anger, sadness, grief, depression, etc.

Sometimes odd emotions like happiness and relief might slip in there too. This same “pendulum of emotions” is happening to your ex.

Your ex might be over the moon about moving on one moment and incredibly sad and lonely the next. In our success stories, when exes reach that sad point in their emotional swing, they’ll call and ask to meet up in person.

This will happen multiple times, especially during the no contact rule.

This is actually so common now that we mentally prepare our clients for it, so they’re not shocked when their ex reaches out trying to meet up.

The question to you is -should you say yes to meeting them?

Honestly, the reactions we’ve seen are incredibly different.

Some exes use this meetup to beg to get back together while some just use it as a hookup or booty call. How do you know when to respond then?

It’s all about the timing.

If you are in the middle of a no-contact rule when your ex is reaching out, then you should ignore him, unless he flat out says he wants you back.

If they’re randomly calling you for a meetup after the no contact rule is over, I think you should go for it! That’s the time when most of the magic happens because your ex has seen what he’s missing.

However, make sure to at least build a foundation of trust and attraction before you see them again, so you’re sure they have a reason to want you back.

Sign #5: Your Ex Is Doing Poorly Without You

This is a sign I see most of my clients going through.

They’re depressed and don’t know what to do with themselves, so they start sharing sad stuff on social media to tell the whole world they’re not doing well.

That’s NOT a good look on anyone.

My focus is always stopping my clients from doing those things, but the same thing applies to your ex.

If they are doing the same type of behavior without you, they’re probably pretty broken up about it.

You might be asking yourself why they’re so torn up when they’re the ones who broke up with you.

Here’s an insight into the male mind that might change your perception of men forever…

Most of the time, when your ex breaks up with you, they paint themselves as the victim.

They literally make themselves think, “look what YOU made me do. Look at the pain you’re causing me.”

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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The irony is that they’re the ones who caused the breakup.

So, don’t be shocked if you see all these conflicting messages and social media reactions from your ex.

He might even post something like “I’m better off without her”

In fact, one of the clients on our private Facebook community shared that her ex actually wrote a whole rap song about how happy he was after breaking up with her.

Guess what?

This woman actually got her ex back!

Go figure!

Sign #6: Your Ex Drools Over You From Afar

A couple of years ago, we got this incredible success story that was so interesting I actually screenshotted it so I could look back at it for inspiration if I ever got stuck while writing an article or making a video.

It’s an important lesson about what your ex is thinking after a breakup while they’re still into you.

Here’s the Facebook post about the success story:

Now, that message really is the perfect example of your ex drooling over you from afar.

I want to focus on the first few lines especially:

“Then I saw you again. You looked so beautiful, you looked so confident, you made friends, you got so impressive in Reflection, you made me fall for you all over again”
This message shows how impressed her ex was with her ability to grow from the breakup. She actually bent the breakup to her will, and that made him jealous to the point he couldn’t imagine his life without her.”

Ultimately, this is all about the Ungettable mindset.

It’s about becoming this super confident untouchable woman that every man would want… including your ex.

Sometimes I get frustrated with new clients because they think if they simply follow the rules without putting in any effort, their ex will drool over them. That’s not how this works.

You need to actively put in the work to put yourself in a position where your ex wants you back.

Of course, some people can get lucky, and their ex can come back after realizing the error of his ways, but for most of our clients, that’s not what happens. You need to put some work in for your ex to put you on a pedestal again!


Breakups aren’t always permanent, and these signs are a great estimate to judge if your ex is regretting the breakup:

  • He’s investing a lot of time in you
  • His responses are meaningful
  • It’s still within a year of your breakup
  • Your ex randomly calls you asking to meet up
  • Your ex isn’t doing well without you
  • Your ex is drooling over you from afar

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17 thoughts on “Signs Your Breakup Is NOT Permanent”

  1. Enna

    January 30, 2022 at 10:02 am

    My boyfriend broke up with me. We had a five years long relationship.There was this nominal fight which ended our relationship.He gave me different reasons every time i talked to him. He sounded confused and low but he is really sure of the breakup. He said i am so dependent on him and he dont see his future with me.
    He said he started losing his feelings for me from 2-3 months but doesn’t know exactly what was happening back then. He said because of our fights he doesn’t want to continue the relationship.
    He also said we are not compatible then he said im not career oriented then he changed the reasons within hours.
    But I know he still feels for me. I really really want him back. I may have pushed him to take this step
    What should i do? How do i get him back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 30, 2022 at 8:16 pm

      Hey Enna, you start with the no contact and spend some time doing some reading on this website to help you through the program best you can.

  2. Beth

    September 15, 2020 at 10:04 pm


    My boyfriend broke up with me 2 days ago, a day before our 1 year since we last go back together, as this isn’t the first time it has happened. The first time we broke up , it was completely for the right reasons and when we got back together we were better than ever. It’s only been in the last month things seemed different and then 2 nights ago he broke up with me after telling me he feels trapped , as we had been spending a lot of time with Each other. I said this was fine and they we could have space, but then I continued to say I don’t want to go 2 weeks for his decision to be the same as it is now, which is to break up. So he broke up with me very coldly and emotionless. He also said he feels like he can’t make me happy as I always moan at him and that his friends have said it’s so much easier not having a girlfriend. Only 3 nights ago he was telling me he wants to live together and that he thinks I’m the one, so you can see why I’m confused? I really want him back, but I think I may have pushed him away and the influence of his single friends has pushed him to make this decision. How do I get him back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 4, 2020 at 6:07 pm

      Hi Beth, the first thing you need to do is start with No Contact where you leave your ex alone for 30 days and let him live that life. Let him see what being single is like and what life without you is like. He will have you on his mind when he is experiencing this “single life”. Especially when he finds it difficult to get to know knew people. You in the mean time need to work on yourself, you can find articles on this website about being Ungettable and working on your Holy Trinity

  3. Jenna

    June 6, 2020 at 3:41 pm

    Hi Chris. My boyfriend broke up with me last week after us being together for a year . We would have many arguments in our relationship, and every time, he would bring up a mistake I made a year ago (I slept with an ex the same month this boyfriend and I started dating). I admitted what I did wrong and took steps to prove I was not talking to this person anymore or hiding anything. I’ve never cheated again and have never wanted to. So this last fight that ended our relationship, my boyfriend left a letter on my door with my house key taped to it , and in the letter he would say great things about me like ‘I wouldn’t change a single thing about you” but then would say ” I’m not the type of guy to forgive you for this ” and ” this breakup is the closure I need”. My question is , is there a chance he will ever forgive me ? And if he never did , why did he stay with me for months and continue to be close to me ? Also, I have since dropped his stuff off at his house and started the no contact . I’m just worried it won’t work if he truly believes he’ll never forgive me .

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 7, 2020 at 8:35 pm

      Hi Jenna, I would think hes used this as a get out card as he isnt happy. I would complete your No Contact and work on your Holy Trinity and if you still want to get him back at the end of the 30 days then you need to start reaching out with the texts that Chris suggests. Your main goal during your No Contact is work on yourself to become Ungettable

  4. Zachary

    May 15, 2020 at 2:59 am

    So my ex and I were together for 2 years.. we lived together the whole time because I had moved in w her and her older brother until we eventually got our own house.. we never really fought all that much and I felt we had the best connection I’ve ever felt between anyone I’ve been with in the past, everything seemed perfect until I lost my job and was kinda struggling with life, she said she hated her job but started to hate coming home to me even more and that she was miserable. We’ve broken up 3 times now and this time she swears it’s for good because she’s “had it with everything and just wants to live her life and move on” I was doing no contact and even got a great job and nice new car but I failed after she acted like she wanted me back.. I told her I wanted to fix things and that I’m still madly in love. She said she doesn’t want to be w me or even see me again. Please tell me if another round of no contact could fix the mess I made.. I’m willing to go as long as possible without saying a word to her if it means I can have her back in my life..

  5. Johnelle

    May 14, 2020 at 2:40 am

    I dont understand whats going on i broke up with him even tho he suggested it and we ended up being friends. But nun of his friends like me or want him talking to me. So i always feel like he has to sneak to talk to me. Im not worryed about anyone else snatching him hes stingy the minute he thinks your gonna ask for something he dissapears, hes Emotionless , Overly Sensitive, Self Centered, Controlling but your not allowed to know about anything he has going on. My ex is a Gemini Man and he studys Psychology and is very knowledgeable of things like this site. Since the break up we talk everyday we have become great friends and im ok with that. But Hell be back for sure!

  6. Ania

    May 12, 2020 at 3:22 pm

    Hi Everyone,
    We were together for almost 3 years, I’m 27, he’s 32. Our relationship was intense but we always wanted to make it work, we just didn’t know how. We had big communication issues, we couldn’t manage argues well. One day after another fight I made him up against the wall and eventually he ended the relationship under pressure. He didn’t sound sure yet so again I pushed him to his limits and he said it was over. Suddenly I was shocked, cried and begged and obviously I made it worse. I might still had a chance but I ruined it by talking about getting back together when he specifically asked me not to do it.

    He handled it realy bad, he got extremly mad every time I tried to talk him to it so now he has some kind of allergic reaction to it- he cries, his heart beats like crazy and he doesn’t know how to handle emotions… He’s extremly emotional and sensitive, his self esteem is lower than ever, it’s heart breaking to see him like that.. I no longer start these conversation and I try to keep it casual and fun. The truth is he never wanted to cut off, we even went to planned vacation together, he cooked for me when quarantine started, helped with home stuff (we don’t live together), he invites me when his friends come over, we cuddle and kiss as we watch netflix, he still gets happy when he sees me smile. I would say it’s 50/50 on who reaches out first, it’s just natural, I just try to not seem needy but it’s not always easy so I think he has the control.

    So almost like if nothing has changed but it has! Oh and he’s on tinder for 3 days now, Idk if he’s using it (we had a match, madhouse) The minute I get sad and he notices it it’s horror again – he breathes heavily, cries, he says he doesn’t want to go though it again, he doesn’t want to give me hope (it hurts) etc. and it seems like he just can’t handle strong emotions well now… Similar situation happened yesterday, I suffer when I see him like that. I suggested I will leave him alone so he could recover. This is the most important thing for me right now so he could heal himself but still I want to get back together when he’s better… I don’t even know if the NC rule applies here as we never lost contact (he’s IM’ing me as I write this, after the whole day of no contact- he asks me if I feel well). What should I do, any little tip please. And I should I answer his recent message?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 20, 2020 at 11:52 pm

      Hi Ania, if you want to follow this program you need to follow the No contact rule spending time ignoring your ex, even when he does reach out to you.

  7. Christina M grant

    May 10, 2020 at 6:40 am

    I’m actually going through this now my bf just up and said webr done . A day ago and as it says he pretty much ghosting me so I’m decided to go onto he blocking setting and did the taking a break from him seeing my post

  8. Annabelle

    May 9, 2020 at 1:40 am

    Hi Chris,
    What if you you never really had a definite break up? My ex moved long distance, and we go through these phases of where I’ll do no contact for 3-4 weeks and then he reaches out again. We talk for a few weeks but then my pride leads the convo back to us and he veers away (yes I know this was wrong of me but was before I saw your site!). He comes back, again and again and again. Now I know he’s seeing someone new (long distance) but still reaching out to me.

    The last time (about 5 weeks ago) he said it was for good (I’ve heard that before) and he was upset with my never ending emotional messages. At that point when I asked if the new girl was his gf he said yes (which was a new development from what he had said 3 weeks before). They have been long distance since their start (so only spent a few weeks together here and there). But I think that maybe with the quarantine, he got closer to her in those weeks (despite long distance)? It has now been 1 week longer than I’ve ever heard from him.

    So what if it’s been on/off and the mix of things I’ve written is thrown in? PS we were together 6 years and even the last time we talked 5 weeks ago he said I was the biggest love of his life.

    I’m just so confused. Is it time to move on? I bought your ebook but haven’t found any articles on your page talking about on and off like I’ve described. Please help!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 19, 2020 at 1:23 pm

      Hi Annabelle, if you have the ERP Pro then the information about on and off again relationships is there and that same information applies to your current situation. As he has a new girlfriend you would also need to apply the 45 day NC since you last spoke while you worked on yourself and your holy trinity. And then read about the being there method before you reach out to him again so you understand what it is you need to be doing.

  9. Claudine

    May 9, 2020 at 12:00 am

    This guy that I dated for almost two years broke up with me two weeks ago. He didn’t block me or sorts. But he wouldn’t return my calls or text. The one time he did return my text was when I asked if we could meet you. His reply to me was, I’m sorry, I’m busy. After that I sent him a few texts that I still miss him and if we could meet, but still no reply.. he didn’t really said he wanted to break up he just said, I don’t want to talk to you and I want more then just space. What’s should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 19, 2020 at 1:44 pm

      Hi Claudine, you need to give him the space he wants and I suggest that you follow the information about No Contact for 45 days and work on your Holy Trinity

  10. ANON

    May 6, 2020 at 12:44 am

    Hi Chris. My situation falls into a lot of these categories! So that brings me hope. But I have a question. He broke up with me about a month ago. We had a healthy 2.5 year relationship and the breakup was not ugly, he just doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now but said that maybe when he is ready, we can try again. This past weekend I told him that I no longer see my self with him in the near future, but i actually do. I was just emotional in the moment. I know I want to do NC so he misses me and so I can work on myself, but should I tell him before I do NC that I didn’t mean what I said? That i still see myself with him? I worry now that if i start NC that he will move on because I told him I no longer see myself with him. What should I do?? I didn’t mean what I said so im worried.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 12, 2020 at 1:31 pm

      Hey there, so no you do not want to reach out and take back what you said as you need to just go into a NC and give your ex some time and then you work on yourself for a while and reach out after 30 days with a text that Chris suggests.