Today we’re going to be talking about five real life signs that your breakup may be temporary.
And when I say real life signs, I’m talking about real life people that we have worked with throughout the ex boyfriend recovery program that have gotten their exes back.
These are some of the interesting signs that we noticed that they exhibited or had in their specific situations to basically help them get back with their exes.
And what’s interesting is that as we look at these five signs, some of them are impossible for you to have, and some of them are based purely on luck.
But these are what we have found to be true and can maybe be a signal that your breakup is a temporary circumstance.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizThe 5 Signs Are Based On Real Life Experiences
Well, before I actually start getting into the signs, the first thing that I do want to say, is that we took each one of these signs, we took inspiration from a success story in our private Facebook support group.
So, if you don’t know how that works, essentially we give people access when they purchase our program, our flagship program, the ex-boyfriend recovery program.
We give them access to this special private Facebook group where they get all sorts of little extra attention. They can integrate or communicate with other people going through breakups and similar situations to them.
I do Facebook Lives when my schedule permits, coach Anna does Facebook Lives when her schedule permits, and ultimately it’s all about helping individuals.
And what’s interesting is the more one on one attention people get, the better their results tend to be.
And we have a lot of really great success stories to draw from within the private Facebook group. And so, I thought it’d be a fun exercise to go through and look at some of the commonalities we are seeing in success stories. And what’s helping them basically get their ex back, and what are some of those signs that they need to look at.
So, let’s start with sign number one.
Sign #1: Sharing Children Or Working With Your Ex
Sign number one is something that we’ve noticed that gives people a certain amount of advantage, and that’s the fact that you share children with your ex.
And this is something that we’ve noticed and it does make sense if you think about it in a standard point of view.
If you share a child with your ex, then that means there’s something that will always connect the two of you basically forever.
So, we actually drew inspiration from one of our success stories in the private Facebook group.
And here’s exactly what she had to say.
“Hi everyone. I wanted to give you some hope as well as a warning. Here’s a brief yet still wordy summary. I originally joined ERP around August of 2017 and applied Chris’s teachings along with similar advice from other sources. I won’t divulge as I’m not going to market for someone else. I successfully got my ex back today. We’ve known each other for 23 years, and after a 10 month breakup involving another woman, he initially blamed me for the situation as I gotten fed up with the wishy washy BS, pushed him away and of course, he went running to her. So yes, it is possible to get your ex back in another woman’s scenario. It actually wasn’t that difficult.”
Now here is the relevant part that I want to highlight.
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Take the quiz“I did the limited no contact as we share a 21 year old son and we work together. Boy did the other woman hate that.”
So that’s the relevant part.
Now, do we need to basically point at this person’s situation and to protect their identity?
I’m not going to tell you what her name is. But is it just the fact that her and her ex share this 21 year old son, that is the reason that she got him back?
Not necessarily.
Usually in my experience, there’s a confluence of factors that need to combine in order for you to successfully get an ex back.
But we cannot deny that the fact that she was working together with her ex, and also that she shared a 21 year old son together, connects the two of them and often gives them an instant reason to talk.
The other really interesting thing, is the fact that there’s another woman involved in this particular scenario.
The other woman being involved in the scenario often will get irked by the fact that, Oh my God, he has a child with someone else. And especially women place a little bit more emphasis on the fact that, you’re sharing children with someone else, that it can intimidate them a little bit and can cause them to implode for me.
So, here’s more that she had to say about her situation.
I won’t get too wordy because of course we need to move on and talk more, but here’s what she had to say.
“Now it completely works to my advantage. What also helped, well, after two months of me barely acknowledging his existence, when we did start occasionally eating lunch together, he claimed that he was completely honest with her about our long relationship and that she knew everything. This was a huge win for me because even if he told her one fourth of our history and truth, it was more than enough to scare the crap out of her.”
Remember what I said? This is like a huge win or maybe even a knowledge moment, for people who are trying to get an ex back and the ex has moved on to another woman. The other woman can be extremely intimidated and will 100% look up to see what you look like, and see what you’re posting on social media. And they almost take everything that you’re doing to the max, if that makes any sense. So, what we think here, is that there’s two factors that really helped this particular woman get her ex back. The fact that she shared this long history and had a 21 year old son with the ex, and the fact that they work together, this just caused the other woman to implode.
So, that’s the first sign that the breakup may be temporary. The circumstances of you maybe even working with your ex, or even sharing a child with your ex, can actually help you in a weird way.
Sign #2: Your Ex Admires You From Afar
Okay, let’s move on to the next sign that your ex or your breakup may be temporary. And that’s the fact that your ex will begin to admire you from afar. So, I’m going to be citing just a little snippet of a huge success story that one of our people had in the group, and then riffing a little bit off of that. So this person got her ex back, and she was giving a long write up of how she got her ex back. And she basically said, she failed no contact a bunch of times. She tried to go into no contact the second time and she thinks that there was a turning point for her.
And she says,
“During my second no contact, I did a number of things differently that I believed helped me make progress in the process, which ultimately led to my success. Number one, I really committed myself to therapy, did all of the homework my therapist assigned to me, spoke with her in depth at least once a week. And number two, and this is the one I want to highlight, I aggressively pursued new job opportunities and freelance clients, which better aligned me with two of his top core values. Ambition and creativity.”
So, why am I highlighting this?
Well, there’s a number of reasons.
But the first reason ultimately I think is, one of the big ways that we try to approach every breakup situation is we try to… As we try to help women stop putting men on pedestals. Because one of the worst things that you can do after breakup is give your ex this god’s status, where you’re literally like looking at him and romanticizing the past and everything like that.
When ultimately the whole goal is to literally get them to admire you from afar. Where you’re in the middle of a no contact rule, you’re doing things that make them a little jealous, or make them wish that they were with you. And that seems to be what this woman did to actually help create that confluence of events that will help her get her ex back. So she obviously said she committed herself to therapy.
That’s great. But what’s interesting is she actually pursued new job opportunities and freelance clients, which better aligned her with two of his top core values. So, he really values ambition and creativity, and so that she did things that hit home on those points, so that he’s looking from afar and saying, wow, I had her pegged wrong. She’s a lot more ambitious and creative than I would have ever imagined.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizAnd so what I think is important to take, the important lesson to take from this is, is when you look at your ex, what are the values that he is attracted to? And when you’re in the middle of a no contact rule, and you’re doing social media game and different things after the breakup, you need to be doing things that will make him admire and regret his decision. And it seems like this woman did just that.
Let’s switch gears and talk about the third reason that your breakup may be temporary.
Sign #3: Your Ex Gets Riled Up By A No Contact Rule
So this is like the third sign, and that’s the fact that your ex will get riled up by a no contact rule. Okay, so there’s a lot going on here, but I’m going to actually draw inspiration from a very, very long write up one of our Facebook members did in our private Facebook group, where she talks about her success story.
And so what’s interesting is I’m going to take very specific snippets from her success story.
But if you want to read the whole snippet of the success story, I actually highly recommend you actually come to our website, and actually find this particular podcast on our podcast page.
And read this show notes where I actually literally word for word show you what these success stories look like, and I screenshot them and everything like that. So, here is what she had to say about the no contact rule.
“No contact is literally, she says that in all caps, the only part of the program that I followed because it’s the first step, and it’s slowly drove my ex crazy and he’s stubborn as F. I joined CrossFit and began working out. I went out, made new friends, through work colleagues had decided to go on more spontaneous trips, bought a new car, wrote and released a new book, started cool new projects, et cetera. Life was good
The point of this long recap is that complete your no contact. But not because you are waiting around for him to take you back into his life. But you can create your own life and be your own happiness. Please prioritize your mental health over any boy who doesn’t even know what he wants. You will thank yourself in a few weeks. You never know what amazing people and things that you open yourself to. And maybe you’ll realize you didn’t need him back as much as you think you did.”
So, what’s important here?
Well, there’s two main points that I want you to take from this write up. And obviously, I just basically gave you the cliff notes version of the actual real writeup. But here’s the two new points.
Number one is, she did the no contact rule and by her own words, it slowly drove her ex crazy.
He’s reaching out to her. She’s doing everything right too, notice how she went out more. She began working out more. She made new friends. She decided to go on spontaneous trips. She bought a new car, released a new book.
That even ties into the second thing, doing things that make an ex admire you from afar. Because they can’t directly talk to you, because of the no contact rule. But the other thing she really reiterates at the end here, is that the no contact rule isn’t meant to help make your ex miss you totally.
That is one of the symptoms of doing a no contact rule, but ultimately what you’re trying to use the no contact rule, is so that you can create your own life, and be your own happiness, and prioritize your mental health. And ultimately, I always view the no contact rule is only successful if you’re doing those things.
Because so often we get clients that come in, they hear about the no contact rule, they’re like, Oh, sold, I’m doing it. They do it, but they miss the entire point. The entire point is to take the focus off of your ex and put it on to you, which is way more important in the end.
So, the third sign we’re looking up here, is your ex getting super riled up by the no contact rule. But I’ll even caveat there and say, it’s also important that you’re doing what you’re supposed to be doing during the no contact rule, and that’s putting the focus on you.
Okay, let’s move on to sign number four. And without a doubt this is the sign I hate the most. So, what is the sign that your breakup is temporary, that I personally hate the most?
Sign #4: Timing And Luck
There’s no doubt that timing plays a gigantic factor in an ex wanting to take you back. Think of it like this. There’s two points of time that are essentially awful to try to get your ex back in. The first point is immediately after they break up with you, because the decision at that point for them seems final and they just want to move on, and you pestering them isn’t going to help.
And the second point of time that’s basically awful to try to get an ex back in, is like 10 years down the road after they’ve lost all feelings for you. So, ultimately there’s an element of timing that you always have to look at. And also there’s an element of luck.
And I hate admitting this, but it’s something that I think I’ll be doing you a dis-service if I don’t admit in the fact that, luck is without a doubt one of the things that you will need to be successful here.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizBecause sometimes you’re just lucky in the fact that the timing is right. And I actually want to a cite from success story where I actually view that as being the case. So, she has a long, huge writeup here, but there’s ultimately just one paragraph that I want to take care and dissect.
“We ended up meeting the next day. He told me he wanted to move forward, said he was thinking of me, and I had messaged him at the perfect time. And it was almost like all the stars aligned. We’re officially back together. Our parents both know and we’re both happy.”
So what’s interesting is by this ex’s own admission, she had messaged him at the perfect time and the stars had perfectly aligned. And honestly it can be difficult. Because if you actually look through more of her writeup, she even says something like she did the 45 day no contact rule, but he did not reach out to her once.
Then the 45 days turned into 137 days where there was no contact in between. You can’t look at a situation like that, and you can’t really advise anyone in a situation like that, without sometimes luck being involved and the timing being right.
So, if you’ve ever been wondering if timing matters, it absolutely does. In fact, this is why we actually believe the no contact rule is one of the most effective ways of getting an ex back, if that’s the route you want to go. And that’s because it helps the timing a little bit.
And sometimes the timing, a 30 day rule, or 21 day rule, or 45 day rule, like in this person’s success story isn’t even enough.
Sometimes it takes 137 days for the timing to be right. But that’s why I think it’s really important for you to always switch your mentality from the short game to the long game. Because if you’re playing and looking at this like a marathon, you don’t get so upset when things don’t go your way. And you are almost guaranteed to have things not go your way at some point throughout this process.
And that’s a normal part. Just to understand that sometimes the timing needs to be right, and sometimes you need to just be lucky, and sometimes luck is one of the best things you can have.
But I’ll tell you what, people tend to get luckier the more they follow our program. So, I think there’s a correlation between being a little bit lucky and also following our program, just saying.
Let’s move on to the fifth and final reason or sign that your ex or your breakup with your ex may be temporary.
Sign #5: Your Exes Response Time In Text Messages
The fifth and final sign that a breakup with an ex may be temporary, is you look at their response time to your text messages.
This is an underrated factor and it’s something that I do talk about in some of my reading materials, and program, and everything like that. But I don’t give it the attention it deserves that
I’m about to give it right here.
So, if you actually go to our website, ex boyfriend recovery, find the show notes of this particular episode on our podcast page, you’ll notice that I’m actually attaching an image of a question that was posed in our private Facebook group. And this is a just a woman who’s having a really, really tough time. She’s wanting at least something, some type of hope to hold onto. So, she’s basically asking,
“Has anyone had any success stories with an ex if they didn’t reach out at all during the no contact rule? I’m going into my second week and I feel like I won’t hear anything because my ex is really stubborn.”
And so after some time she got a response from one of our members who actually successfully got her ex back. And she said,
“Actually, yeah, mine did not reach out at all. And then he answered right away when I reached out to him first. Also, I did a few more no contacts where he would reach out later on. And now, two years later, he has come back around full swing and wants to be with me. Trust the process.”
So what’s the important thing to remember here? Well, if you’ve listened to any of my recent YouTube videos, you’ve listened to any of my recent Facebook Lives in the Facebook group, or you’ve listened or read any of my podcast episodes or articles, you’ll know that I’m a big fan of this phrase. “It doesn’t matter who reaches out first. What matters is who ends the conversation first.” And I think that’s what we’re seeing here. A lot of people obsess the fact that, “Hey, my ex isn’t reaching out during the no contact rule. Does that mean the no contact rule is failing?” No, not necessarily.
What matters more is the fact that, when you do have a conversation with your ex, he’s responding quickly, he’s responding in an engaged way, and you’re ending the conversations first. Think of those as like the Holy Trinity to texting. So, you’re looking for, engaged responses, quick responses, and a way for you to exit the conversation after you’ve noticed that the conversation has become enjoyable for him. And what happens is, if you can juggle these three trinity type factors, you’ll notice that the snowball effect occurs, where all of a sudden he’ll start reaching out to you first.
You always have to earn that right, I noticed after breakups. But ultimately the thing that we’re looking for here is quick responses. Notice how this person who got her ex back said, “Yeah, mine did not reach out at all. And then he answered right away when I reached out to him.” So, some exes, especially during a no contact rule, will literally sit on the sidelines waiting for you to reach out first. But they’re so stubborn, they say to themselves, I am not going to reach out to her first. She’s going to have to break down to me first. And that happens way more… That’s happening in success stories. So just understand that’s normal part of breakup behavior. And as long as you understand it’s normal, you can almost use it to your advantage.
Sally
September 13, 2021 at 5:51 am
What if I did the no contact during which I kind of decided he was really not a good fit…but then he contacted me a few days after the 30 day mark, he has found my email and called my business phone in an effort to reach out to me because he doesn’t have my number anymore. I know for a fact he had blocked my number. I am confused. Any thoughts? Thanks.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
September 23, 2021 at 5:22 pm
Hey Sally, if you decided you do not want him anymore then continue your NC and move on.
Nicky
August 11, 2020 at 8:11 pm
I really need an
Advice i got into a relationship with my bf last year which was my first time
We agreed our parent shouldn’t be aware of the relationship because of they might not accept due to the fact that we are still undergraduate student
I started withdrawing myself when I notice he chat his ex up and he excuses because she once help him pay his academic bill and I don’t know to when did there communication go
Although on my part The communication was not good enough for a long distance relationship but whenever I can live up to is expectations he complain and refuse communicating with me
I grow up in a social background where women are been abused and molested so I had much mentality of All men are the same I ignore is advance for meet up and Kiss because he said it was his weakness so I guess even though I explained to him
From the start he became adamant but distance play a huge role though
The relationship went up to 6months before the unexpected he ask for Breakup on a day to my exams
Is attitude made me withdraw my affection so I won’t be too clingy
He post different ladies pic on social media and has never posted mine
He doesn’t tell me about his personal life except something he only want to know all about me inshort he didn’t introduce me to any of his friends since we were all busy academically then
Now it remain 2months of the breakup to make it 1year apart
He never allow me finish the NC at all he always burger in my social media accounts with is message while I feel obligated to reply
I don’t know what he want as for now and am tired of chatting him up
Recently a friend of mine who never know him was insisting I start chatting him up and I suspect he was the brain behind it
What can I do I need help
The breakup affect my GP so badly that I regret the relationship from start
Am yet to be balanced academic and get back on my feet
Emily
June 18, 2020 at 12:30 pm
Hi
I need some help please
Me and boyfriend broke up 4 weeks ago due to me bing insecure and always questioning him , he told me he dosent know if he wants to be with me and I asked if I sort myself out can we work things out and he said if I’m still single I do not see why not , what can I do to get him back we have two boys together and I love him I haven’t been texting him as he wants some space do we have a chance to work things out we have been together 4 years .
Thank you
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
June 27, 2020 at 7:10 pm
Hey Emily if you spend some time working on your self esteem and see how following the advice about the Holy Trinity is going to show you, your worth while completing a 30 day No Contact then you are going to show your ex that you are no longer insecure when you are the best version of yourself feeling happy and confident
Allyssa
June 8, 2020 at 6:57 am
Hi! It’s been 3 months since my ex bf broke up with me. I started NC 2 months after the BU and he hasn’t initiated even once. We had a great relationship but one day, he just wanted out saying he’s so confused (but won’t tell me the reason for his confusion) and for some reasons, he no longer sees a future with me 🙁 I don’t know what am I supposed to do especially since we work together. I can’t stop thinking what if he completely moves on and find another woman to be with. There are days that I get so tempted to message him but I don’t want to restart NC (currently in 23/45) but when I do some thinking, I realize I don’t know what to say to him. Do you think there’s still hope if I continue doing NC even though I started it 2 months after the BU?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
June 16, 2020 at 9:49 pm
Hi Allyssa, so the main thing you need to do is be sure that while in work you follow the limited no contact rule, you would need to reach out and start the texting phase after 45 days minimum and then you will need to start your texting phase if you want to try and get him back. Sitting in NC is not going to work to get him back I’m afraid
Sally Ann
June 7, 2020 at 4:00 pm
Hi me and my boyfriend been together 4 months. And he really swept me off my feet. We have been so good together and he has been very affectionate. He has been quite full on about a future together. Then in the last week he started getting down and on Friday he finished it out of the blue saying he wasn’t over his Ex. However we have literally been perfect together up until now. He tells me how much he likes me and how much I’m good for him. Will he change his mind ? I feel totally lost
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
June 7, 2020 at 8:06 pm
Hi Sally, there is a chance he will change his mind, but it is important that you follow the No Contact rule and then work on being Ungettable as he says he is not over his ex he needs to realise that you are the better option to him not the ex
Radz
May 17, 2020 at 11:43 am
Chris me and my ex were in on off relation for 8 months..we both used to fight and argue..he has made alot of efforts and so I did too..but relationship never worked..because ge never accept his faults he just put all the blame on me..and come back always with taking it as an excuse.he too got tired of handling me..then 10 days before he asked for space and said he will ne back.. yesterday he came back but I asked him about a girl which i came to know that he hid the fact that he talk to her..when I ask him he kept on laughing in order to show me that nothing was serious.
But the screenshots he gave me he was flirting with her..I felt broken that y the hell he hide that fact from.him.why didnt he tell me that she was his friend though I know his each and every frnd nut I never heard about that girl also he said that when he started talking to her she was so beautiful and she helps him in his studies.i got broken.atleast he would hve told me about this but he hide.
Then I told him that I have waited for u after u asked for space.nd you hide that girl from me..I felt cheated.i said in disappointment that I don’t want him..nd blocked him..after sometime he texted me by putting blame on me and said that I always fight s she was just friend and said I makes him mentally upset..he said he was going forever and he also said he accept this breakup and asked me to ho away..and said that he hates me..
So chris is there anything I can do to get him back?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
May 21, 2020 at 12:12 am
Hi Radz, it starts with a No Contact of 45 days and then you start the being there method. You are going to have to accept that while broken up he can do what he wants. However if you are working on becoming the best version of yourself you need to show him hes with the wrong woman
John
May 15, 2020 at 12:03 am
Hello,
My ex and I broke up for a few days after our 9 months relationship. I feel very relieved that she made this choice as we are both stuck in a bad situation and attitude when handling our issues through communication. The problem of our relationship is because of her insecurity when we start our relationship, and I sort of gave her too much the things she wanted that she take things for granted. At the same time, I developed my own insecurity because of this behaviour, which amplified my lack of self-confidence when handling situations. She liked me at first because of admiration, and I liked her later because of understanding. She felt like we do not match each other, but I would say that she did not really understand all of me. The quarantine situation is kind of an amplifier for the situation, as we were in a long distance relationship, and we broke up within the period. When breaking up, she said that she still admires me much, and still have feelings for me, and she knew that’s the same for me too. I did not really accept that we do not match, because I understand the both of us, but she says that at that moment she has decided her mind within that day. She feels like that we should just be friend, because we can really feels good with each other when we have our own space, and so she decide that we should go back to that relationship. My interpretation of that is that she really wants to feel loved with space, so that she could also love freely. Therefore, I said maybe before breaking up, we should have some time for ourselves like around two weeks, and we both try to sort out our emotion first before really deciding on this. She kind of accepted my suggestion, although she at the same time doubted what could I do within this period.
The reason for the break up is that:
1. I was focusing on her too much, and she was wanting to be free without pressure. That was because that I sort of invested too much time on her when she was insecure. That turns out to be a bad thing that I over-invested. After feeling secure, she just wanted to be the one who rely on me when she wants.
2. I was sometimes trying too much to explain my views, when she does not even want to. I was trying too hard to find excuse for my act after starting to feel insecure, and she said that it would only make things worse.
Despite the two reasons, we were together because I was not always like that. My bad pattern of behaviour just came when I was solving issues with her, and she likes me as a teacher, or a life tutor very much in other aspects.
After the breakup, as we have some projects that we were working on together, I contacted her with just a video of the project, and she replied promptly. We started to pick up our conversation pattern that I was very unresponsive. She would reply me like within half an hour, and I would take up more than 4-5 hours for just some replies without emojis, but sometimes showing care. She seems to be hooked up with the conversation pattern for already a few days, as I was busying with my stuff. I am certain that she has feelings for me, and for the other way around. She keeps sending me photos of her doing different stuff like yoga and stuff in fun time.
I was just thinking that whether I should take the initiative to take back the control of our relationship, as it does not really seem that bad. Also, I am not afraid of our bad attitude, as this “break up” woke me up to become who I was, and even more mature mentally. I am able to take any criticism and rejection calmly in this state. However, I just feel like we are the best match for both of us, but just that we were in the wrong way of handling things and wrong start. I really want to get her back, so I don’t want to miss any chance. Should I just call her to small chat a bit, and then slowly get her into the main thing?
Thank you so much!
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
May 28, 2020 at 4:41 pm
Hi John, by the sounds of things she needs you to be less available to her and not be so intense. I would read and follow the limited no contact information here and show that you are not just focusing on your shared projects and waiting around for her to talk to you. While the texting is good, you still need to complete a period of no contact where you are not reaching out to her for some time
Sarah
May 8, 2020 at 1:01 am
Hi
Can I’m wondering what I should be doing. My bf and I have together for 7 years and we are doing long distance for the first time . We have been long distance for 4 months when I found out he cheated and is now seeing this new girl. He said he still loves me and want to be with me but he just wants to sleep around since I’m the first gf he has been with. He asked for 3 months then promised we will get back together. Basically a break.
I initially thought I could tolerate it but I’m constantly scared he’ll forget about me and fall for this new girl (he said he doesn’t see himself dating her in our initial conversation).
Does it seem weak to ask him to reassure me every now and then during this 3 month period with text/phone call? Or should I try the no contact rule?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
May 13, 2020 at 9:48 am
Hi Sarah you should be in a No Contact rule for 30 days, and then start the texting phase. 3 months is a long time for someone to decide if they want to be with you or not! Reach out and start following the texting phase after 30 solid days of NC, if he gets into a relationship of sorts with the new girl then you need to do 45 days NC and then the being there method. All this information how to implement it is in the articles and videos Chris has produced
Socosote mele Isabel
May 6, 2020 at 12:09 pm
Good day, could you help me out
I’ve dated my ex boyfriend for a year and three months …. although I was the one who requested for the break up….
But now I discovered it was a rash decision and I don’t think he’s going to take me back
I really need your help in this
Though,I’m doing the no contact rule right now
I love him and I enjoyed every moment we both spent together
What do I do at this point
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
May 7, 2020 at 11:59 pm
Hi there, so you are doing the right thing following no contact giving that you are working on your Holy Trinity and then prepare yourself for the first text using the artilces that Chris has provided
Abi
May 5, 2020 at 2:31 pm
My ex and I broke up mid March of this year after 2 years together. We did not have a toxic relationship and barley had arguments or fights until the last month or 2 of our relationship. We were each other’s first longest relationship. I’m 19 and he’s 21. We still talk frequently and we’ve hooked up a few times since the breakup. I know he’s lonely because he lost a lot of his friends when we broke up because he met them through me and he feels like he can’t be friends with them since me and him are no longer together (I don’t care if he stays friends with them but he thinks it would be awkward). He has a lot going on right now in his life and says he doesn’t want to be in a relationship for awhile. I want to go into NC but I worry it’s too late. In the beginning of the breakup, I did what I wasn’t suppose to do and texted him and begged for him to take me back. I eventually stopped though bc I saw it got me no where. But we still talk a lot. I tried to go NC last week but he texted me the second day saying how depressed and lonely he was and I felt guilty and caved in and helped him feel better. But I want to try NC again. I just worry that we’ve talked so much since the breakup and since it’s been almost 2 months that it won’t be as effective and he will move on during NC. Do you think it will still be effective? And should I do 21, 30, or 45 days?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
May 11, 2020 at 9:38 pm
Hey Abi, Ill reply to both posts here that I think you have a chance if you work this program correctly, Starting with your NC being 30 days and you focusing on the Holy Trinity
Michelle Gains
May 1, 2020 at 5:36 am
My ex recently broke up with me about 2 weeks ago. He said he wasn’t in love anymore, he was just hurting me, and he didn’t know what he wanted for himself, and so on.. I’m currently working my way through the ex recovery program, and I thought about this.. We haven’t talked/ he hasn’t reached out since the break up, so is my No Contact rule still going to work? I’m also worried about breaking this no contact rule because I move to a different apartment (in the same town) in about a week or so, and some of his stuff is still here that he said he’d come get later (told me this the day we broke up). How should I go about giving his stuff back if it’s during the no contact rule? I don’t necessarily want to move it to my new apartment with me (I feel like that seems weird) Plus, now that we are in quarantine, I can’t really make up an excuse as to why he can’t come get it when he chooses to reach out. I’m also worried that since he hasn’t tried to reach out since the breakup that my no contact rule isn’t going to be effective because I’m not “technically” ignoring him. Sorry for the long post
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
May 9, 2020 at 4:21 pm
Hey Michelle, so what you need to do is Limited no contact where you only speak to him where you have to. For example when he needs to collect his things. Any shared bills or responsibilities you may share. Otherwise to follow this program you need to do No Contact as explained for 30 days
Natalie
April 27, 2020 at 12:01 pm
Hi,
Could you please help me in my situation.
I was dating my ex for 3 years. We wanted to get engaged for the last few months, but it kept getting postponed because of his work and family issues. In January this year when it didnt happen again, i got very upset so he promised me that in March we will be engaged for sure. I trusted him and waited till March thinking if it doesnt happen even now , i will move on.
In March, again because of some or the other reason it didnt happen. I lost hope that it will ever happen and broke up with him. I even blocked him.
Now the Covid-19 lockdown started. A few days after the break up, he called me on my landline (since i blocked him otherwise). He told me that he really wants this and wants to marry me and cannot be without me. He asked me if i feel for him, and i told him yes i do. He told me he will come see me after the lockdown is over, he said that it is very important for him to meet me and talk. I refused to meet him and said that we will meet if and when we are getting married. I dont want any more talks and discussions. He asked me not to say no this time and just meet him once. I said ok and hung up.
It been 27 days, he has not called or texted again or tried to talk to me. Even i have not called him. The covid-19 lockdown is still going on.
I am not sure what to do. I love him and i want to marry me, but he is not committing.
What will be the right course of action in this case?
How do i change this
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
May 5, 2020 at 10:06 pm
Hi Natalie, so I would suggest that you ask yourself would you be willing to be with him, if he never wanted to get married? Is being married more important than being in a happy loving relationship? In sense to get him back, and hopefully commit to the level you wish then I would suggest that you complete a 30 day NC and work on yourself during that time and read about what it is you need to do during the texting phase
Moira
April 20, 2020 at 10:19 am
Hi! I’ve been reading your post about ex dating multiple women, because it is similar to my situation. I know that the key is getting his investiment (time, mainly, in this situation and also being in different cities…). The problem is that there is already a girl who is getting his attention 24/7 (being clingy and all that, but she’s getting him). He is still interested in me, but I know that she is ahead on the “competition” and who knows how many other girls could be (he is having the Greener Grass Syndrom and uses to have crushes and flirt).
How can I win this game and get him for good?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
April 20, 2020 at 10:37 pm
Hi Moira so the issue is that you are seeing him as a prize where you should be telling yourself that he doesn’t realise what he has lost, read about the holy tirnity and how to be ungettable and apply this to your life and social media so he realises that while he is entertaining the other girls that he has lost the best one in the mean time.
Emme
April 20, 2020 at 6:17 am
Hi! My ex and I have been together for 4 years. We have been long distance for the past 2 years. For the past 6months, we have been planning for him to come to my country to meet my family to make it official. But something would always come up, either his boss wouldn’t let him, or his passport was seized and more recently the coronavirus. We had a huge fight about it, I blamed him and I said I am tired of our relationship and said it’s over. I regretted it the next day and tried to talk to him but he was angry and said he lost the passion and excitement and he said he doesn’t want to get back together. I begged and pleaded for 2 weeks after the breakup but he was so cold. I went no contact for around 21 days and I contacted him asking how he’s been. He responded positively and we were chatting casually for a couple of days. I wanted to know where we stand so I asked him yesterday if we can fix it, he said he doesn’t think we can cause we will have the same problems and he doesn’t want to make the effort to fly to my country anywmore. He said we can still be friends. I was so heartbroken by this and told him I can’t be his friend. So we said our goodbyes and I went no contact. Is there any chance he would change his mind? 🙁 should I give up or give him more time to miss me.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
April 25, 2020 at 8:30 pm
Hey Emme, if you follow the advice on this website following the no contact rule to start then there is a chance your ex will change his mind but it also involves you working on yourself so that he peaks his interest in what is going on with you
Hayley
April 18, 2020 at 10:34 am
Hi, so i was engaged and living with my ex. He left me 2 weeks ago during the coronavirus lockdown so im all alone. When he left he originally said he didnt feel the same anymore and needed space, however we continued to talk, meet up, have sex. I will admit I have acted a little desperate and needy as i feel he gave me false hope that he was going to come back. A few days ago he told me this was over “for now” and I cant help but wonder if this is a sign it may only be temporary while he sorts his mental state out. The reason for breakup is that we have both been under a lot of stress and i realised i did used to take my stresses out on him. He said he tried for months but its got too much for him (he never told me there were issues). His mum thinks that he just needs some time and maybe we will work it out but hes so stubborn and doesnt show his emotions ever so im really worried the NC wont work on him? Its been 2 days since we last spoke and since I started NC. I just really dont know what to do 🙁 please help!!
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
April 21, 2020 at 11:42 pm
Hi Hayley you are doing the right things now by following NC and not sleeping with him again while you are broken up
Rosie
April 17, 2020 at 6:39 am
Hey Chris,this is slightly different not an ex boyfriend but I wonder if this is still relevant. A guy became an aquaintance who I saw oftern a few days every week and he asked me out but I had just got out of something with someone and felt confused so actually didn’t respond to that but had a feeling I liked him even then. Every time I saw him I felt there was a connection and it was really flirty he’d often compliment me and I started to really like him and honestly it’s rare I like someone that much and felt too nevarous to say anything for about four months and the feeling built up. With everything that’s happening now and it being so uncertain I felt I’m going to tell him how I felt or I never would and messaged him but did it in a kind of awkward way everything I felt came out and I felt really embarassed he told me he’d been involved with someone recently and they had ended it the day I messaged him so felt in a bad mood but said he really enjoyed talking to me when he saw me and I’m super cute he also.said he had guessed I’d liked him. I respect someone being upset after ending something and wouldn’t want to come in the way of that also I didn’t say how I felt to get anything back exactly more I wanted to get my feelings out. I also feel having a feeling for someone isn’t about taking and it’s nice to have it regardless of outcome. I wonder though could what you teach be relevant at all or is it only relevant with exes? I really like this guy and I would like to get to know him if possible better in the future don’t want to push it at the moment and give it some space.