Life is a series of choices.
We choose to wake up and get out of bed in the morning as opposed to laying in it all day.
We choose to go left, instead of right.
We choose to date who we want to date.
Or perhaps this one will hit a little closer to home…
Your ex boyfriend chose not to come back to you after your breakup.
But what if I told you that there are certain things that you can do to influence his decision on whether or not he will come back to you?
Would you be interested in hearing about those things?
But first, lets start off by talking about the age old question on if he will change his mind and suddenly decide to come back to you.
Is It Possible For My Ex To Change His Mind And Come Back?
Ok, in case you don’t know who I am….
My name is Chris Seiter and I am a professional relationship consultant specializing in breakups. I am also the founder of Ex Boyfriend Recovery and have helped over 15 million women with their exes in some way shape or form.
Oh, I also like thinking I am superman for some reason,
Which proves I may be a little nutty…
Ok, ok, all kidding aside I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that I know what I am talking about when it comes to exes.
I have seen a lot in my time and I can tell you with certainty that it is possible for an ex boyfriend to suddenly change his mind about the breakup. However, it is very unlikely.
In other words, it’s very, very, very RARE!
Though I suppose you want a percentage since you are doing all this research on the internet.
Ok, if you were to pin me down in a corner I would estimate that 98% of exes won’t change their mind about their breakup without you doing anything.
Which means that 2% will.
Now, I don’t know about you but those aren’t odds I would like to play with.
So, I am going to answer the ultimate question you are probably having at this point.
But Chris, how can I raise my odds that he will want me back?
Well, instead of waiting around on the sideline hoping that the magical fairy’s of love land (just made that up :p ) will help you out your are going to have to get involved and change his mind yourself.
Look, I am not going to lie to you.
Generally speaking a certain amount of this is completely out of your control.
You can’t control what he does…
You can’t control him…
But you can influence how he thinks…
And with that influence you can sway his actions…
And that’s what I would like to teach you today.
I would like to teach you how to change his mind so that he comes back to you.
Does that sound like something you’d be interested in?
Let’s begin by tackling something I like to call “The Belief Path”
The Belief Path
What I am about to tell you is perhaps the most important thing to grasp if you want to not just change your ex boyfriends mind about you but anyone’s.
Ultimately changing someones mind about something revolves around three components.
Beliefs lead to actions and actions lead to results.
I’ll give you an example.
Your ex boyfriend currently believes that he doesn’t want you back. Which means that he isn’t going to take any type of action to get you back. Which ultimately means that there will be no type of results relating towards the two of you reconciling.
But it all starts with “belief.”
If a human being doesn’t truly believe that they can get the desired result that they want then they attempt something they aren’t going to take any actions necessary to see results.
Do you see where I am going with this?
If you want to change your ex boyfriends mind about about you then you need to focus on reshaping his belief system.
And believe me when I say that belief systems are amazing.
Nothing illustrates that point better than Roger Bannister.
You see, way back in the day it was thought to be impossible for a human being to break “the four minute mile.”
Basically, people believed that that a human being could not run a mile in under four minutes.
But not Roger Bannister.
You see, he believed that it was possible and from that belief he took actions that ultimately resulted in him running a mile in 3 minutes and 59 seconds (talk about cutting it close.)
But here is perhaps the most important part.
Once human beings saw that it wasn’t impossible to run a four minute mile as a result of Bannister they started believing that they could do it.
And within a year someone else had already broken the 4 minute mile.
Here is the point I am trying to make.
If you really want your ex boyfriend to take the actions that you want him to take (like getting back with you) then you need to hack his belief system to make him believe that it is in his best interest to do so.
How To Hack Your Exes Belief System
So, let’s study beliefs for one minute.
Generally speaking, beliefs come from two sources,
- Self Generated Beliefs
- Externally Generated Beliefs
Let’s take a moment to defines what these two types of beliefs look like.
Self Generated Belief: This is a type of belief that one forms on his/her own through their own experience and assumptions
In your exes case he has experienced dating you and has come to his own conclusion for why he doesn’t want to date you.
This is his own self generated belief and if you are going to have any chance of changing his mind about you, you are going to have to learn how to hack this type of belief.
Of course, I always find the next type of belief more interesting.
Externally Generated Belief: This is a type of belief that forms when a person trusts the opinions of others.
I’ll give you an example.
Let’s say that your exes hero is batman.
And batman tells him that it would be a horrible idea to date you and that he should break up with you.
So he does!
Well, he only did that because batman told him to do that.
In other words, someone he trusts and likes shaped his belief that leaving you was a good idea.
Ok, well what I’d like to do now is give you an idea of exactly how you can change your exes mind by hacking these two beliefs.
We shall start with self generated beliefs.
Hacking His Self Generated Beliefs
While your ex was dating you he learned certain things about you.
Experience does that.
Some of the things he probably liked but I am betting a lot of things he didn’t like.
Now, when I tell most women that they freak out and tell me to f*ck off.
It always confuses me because I look at it like an opportunity to improve going forward.
Here, I’ll give you a personal example using my wife.
As I dated her I learned that she wasn’t exactly the cleanest person.
She leaves food out…
She doesn’t clean up after herself all the time and sometimes it really gets on my nerves.
After experiencing this for the first few times I created a self generated belief that she just isn’t a clean person.
So, it’s now part of my belief system.
But what if she wanted to change my belief system?
What if she wanted to convince me that I was wrong and that she wasn’t as messy as I thought?
How could she do that?
Simple, she could blow me away by having the house clean every single day.
After that I would revisit my belief and perhaps change my mind about her and that’s what I am going to ask you to do.
I want you to identify your exes negative beliefs about you and turn them upside down.
Of course, you are probably sitting there wondering,
“But how do I know what his negative beliefs of you are?”
I’ll tell you what.
I’ll help you understand what your ex boyfriend is probably thinking and what you need to do about them.
BUT if I help you understand them then I need you to take action.
Negative Thought #1: I Can Do Better Than Her
The fact that your ex boyfriend probably thinks that he can do better than you.
Some of you may disagree but before you leave Ex Boyfriend Recovery forever give me an opportunity to defend my position.
Whether your ex boyfriend is aware of it or not there are three things that go through his mind when he is deciding on whether he should break up with you.
- How satisfied he is with the relationship
- If he can do better than you
- How much he has invested into your relationship
If he comes to the conclusion that he isn’t very satisfied with you, that he can probably do better and that he hasn’t invested too much time into the relationship then he is probably going to leave that relationship.
But I’d like you to turn your attention to number two in the list above.
He thinks he can do better than you…
Personally speaking it’s a thought I have had in every single one of my breakups.
Eventually I would literally think,
“Pssh… I can totally do better than her.”
And it’s something that is shaping your exes belief system.
So, what can you do if he is having this negative thought?
Simple, prove to him that he can’t do better than you.
Negative Thought #2: She Will Beg For Me Back
Did I ever tell you the story of my very first breakup?
Well, it’s a good one.
So basically I was in a really toxic relationship for 9 months.
Now, I am not saying that I was a saint in the relationship. In fact, I was far from it.
I was young…
And an pretty much an as*hole some of the time…
But she was no saint either.
Anyways, for 9 long months we clung to each other making each other crazy.
Eventually in a fit of rage I texted her two simple words,
Now, here is where things get interesting.
When I sent her that text the two of us were in the middle of a very bad fight.
So, when I sent her the words “I’m Done…” I actually meant that I was done with the conversation, not the relationship.
Unaware that I had just broken up with her I texted her a couple of hours later hoping that she had cooled off so we could smooth things over.
That’s when it hit me like a ton of bricks.
She had taken “I’m Done” the wrong way and this was my one chance to smooth it over.
I was at a crossroads.
On the one hand, I could try to smooth things over with her and hope that we could continue our super toxic relationship. On the other hand, I could let it go and be free from the burden that the relationship was having on me.
Our entire relationship flashed through my eyes.
Sure, I remembered some good moments but most of the moments towards the end were bad.
Things had grown so toxic that it had gotten to the point that I was losing myself.
I felt like I was being used.
So, I let her go.
I didn’t try to tell her the truth of what I had meant.
I simply let it be and didn’t respond to her.
And that’s when I had a singular thought that I think you’ll find fascinating.
“Besides, she’ll probably end up begging for me back.”
It was this self generated belief that made it ok for me to walk away. In the back of my mind I knew that she would want to try again.
I knew that when she went out to experience what other guys were like she would come to realize how good she had it with me.
And that’s actually what happened.
She ended up dating a guy who she was obsessed with, even when we were dating, and came to find out that things weren’t as good as they were with me.
Eventually she started reaching back to to me with texts like,
This made me believe that I could get her back whenever I wanted and while you would think that, that would be an incredible turn on, it wasn’t.
The opposite occurred, in fact.
I was turned off by her.
Now, you may be sitting there and wondering,
“Why is he telling me this story?”
I want it to be a lesson for you.
If your ex boyfriend broke up with you then he thinks he is in a position of power and usually he is.
He knows that you might still have a thing for him and that you want him back.
So, when you engage in behavior that feeds that belief he isn’t going to think,
“I miss her so much…”
Instead, he is going to think,
“I already knew that…”
And move on.
In other words, don’t feed his self generated belief.
Negative Thought #3: I Don’t Love Her Anymore
I want you to understand something.
Your ex boyfriend has probably convinced himself that he doesn’t love you anymore.
It hurts, doesn’t it?
To hear that truth.
But does it mean that you have no chance of changing his mind about the breakup?
Actually if you do two things you have a really good chance of changing his mind on this “love business.”
Have you ever heard of something called “The Peak-End Rule?”
This concept is going to be essential for you to kickstart his heart,
So, “The Peak End Rule” basically states that when a human being thinks back on an experience they don’t remember it as a start to finish experience. Instead, two points stand out to them.
- The peak of the experience (meaning the height of it.)
- And the end of the experience (meaning, in your case, the lead up to the breakup.)
I’d like to turn your attention above to the story I told about my very first breakup.
Do you remember the part where I mentioned that “my entire relationship with my ex flashed in front of my eyes?”
Do you remember how I made mention of the fact that I remembered some of the good moments but mostly moments that were bad towards the end.
This is “The Peak End Rule” in effect.
When I remembered my relationship with my ex the bad stuff towards the end far outweighed the good stuff in the middle.
But can you imagine if the opposite had occurred.
Can you imagine if instead of remembering more of the toxic end, I remembered the glorious beginning?
My life may have very well been different than it is right now.
I may have actively tried to get her back.
Look, here is what I am trying to say.
If you want to change your exes mind about you then you need to reinforce the best parts of your relationship by bringing up similar feelings that he felt during the peak of the relationship.
Externally Generated Beliefs
And now we move on to externally generated beliefs.
Personally speaking, this is the most underused and under talked about belief hack I have ever seen before.
So, what are externally generated beliefs?
An externally generated belief is a belief that you accumulate through the experiences or beliefs of others. Usually, from someone you look up to, admire or trust.
Remember the batman example I gave above?
Anyways, at this point you are probably wondering how you can hack your exes external beliefs.
Well, in order for me to explain that to you I must first explain this idea of a sphere of influence.
What Is A Sphere Of Influence?
There are a select number of individuals that your ex trusts above all.
This select number of individuals make up your exes sphere of influence.
It’s basically the group of people who your ex takes advice from and listens to. In other words, they have a huge impact on his beliefs.
Perhaps I should get a little more technical here.
Ok, since I am a man and you are probably interested in getting your ex back (who is a man) let’s look at my sphere of influence.
When I look at my life there are really four forces I can think of that make up my externally generated beliefs.
- My Wife
- My Family
- My Friends
- My Idols
Here, take a look at the graphic below,
All of these things have a huge impact on my belief system.
So, here is the question I submit to you.
If you were to try to hack my externally generated beliefs what would you do?
Well, ideally what you would do is get all of the people/groups pictured above to say nice things about you. Thus, affecting hacking my belief system.
It’s like a good ad.
You don’t have to make a sale every time someone sees your ad. All that matters is you plant the idea of a sale or get your brand recognized with the intent of getting a sale down the road.
Now, I don’t talk about this a lot because I like to protect the privacy of everyone who is a member but I actually have a private Facebook group. It’s probably the thing that I am most proud of because I have a direct line of communication to you guys and I truly feel like I am helping people.
How do you get access to this private group?
Simple, you need to buy the premium package of PRO here but I am not telling you this to pitch you anything.
Here’s what’s important.
In the group we have a woman who I believe has done a marvelous job of hacking her exes external belief system.
You see, our girl went through a break up with her ex and he did the thing all idiot men seem to do… he got a new girlfriend.
Of course, this is where things get really interesting.
Her ex is really close to his family. In other words, they are in his sphere of influence and they keep telling him how he made a mistake dating this new girl because she’s always seeming depressed and is kind of mean.
So, without even intending to hack her exes sphere of influence our girl did just that.
She actually has the family actively campaigning for him to break up with his current girlfriend and it seems like he is on the verge of doing so.
In fact, if I was a betting man I would say it’s just a matter of time.