Today we’re going to explore the answer to the question – will my ex come back if I let them go?
We’ll also share some of the fascinating internal research my team and I have done over the years that will shed light on the answer to this question.
But first let’s start with a popular quote I’m sure many of us have head before.
“If you love something so much, let it go. If it comes back, it was meant to be.
If it doesn’t it never was.” – Albert Schweitzer
This is perhaps one of the most famous quotes about love.
Essentially it means that if we let go of what we love and it returns to us, it was meant to be.
You may be wondering; do relationships really work out this way?
Well, yes and no. I know that’s not exactly the answer you want to hear, so allow me to elaborate.
When you are trying to get your ex back, simply leaving and ignoring your ex or using a strategy to ignore your ex will not be enough to woo them back into a relationship. You need something more. You need an overarching game plan or strategy.
So, let’s talk about the overall game plan you should be implementing to win back your ex.
The “Get Your Ex Back” Game Plan
Now, I am one of the biggest proponents of the No Contact Rule.
Ignoring your ex at its core seems to be one of the most prolific strategies that most relationship experts, like me, are recommending.
Where I differ with some of my peers regarding the No Contact Rule is that I don’t think it’s smart to rely on this strategy alone.
Think of it like this – the No Contact Rule is simply one piece of the puzzle, so if you only apply this rule, you’re not going to get the full picture. Your puzzle is going to be incomplete.
There are more little puzzle pieces that you need to fit together to make this process work for you.
It just so happens that, for the better part of the last decade, my team and I have found the most effective puzzle pieces or strategies to pair with the No Contact Rule.
It really comes down to adding two additional strategies to complete an effective game plan.
What are the two strategies we recommend pairing with no contact?
- The Value Chain
- The Value Ladder
Now, let me start by explaining the Value Ladder first.
Strategy #1: The Value Chain
Simply put, the Value Ladder is the different types of communication you should have with your ex after the No Contact Rule ends.
Now, if you want to get technical, there are five types of communication that you should have with your ex.
But, for the purpose of this article, we’re going to focus on the three most common types of communication you should have with your ex.
What are the three most common types of communication?
- Text Messaging
- Phone or Video Calls
- One-on-one Interaction
After the No Contact Rule ends, clients commonly communicate with their exes through text messaging, phone or video calls, or meeting one-on-one.
Now, if you’re confused as to how you should stack or order these types of communication with your ex, that’s probably something you need to learn by reading this article.
However, before you do that, let’s talk more about the second strategy we recommend — the Value Chain.
Strategy #2: The Value Chain
The Value Ladder was all about the types or methods of communication you should have with your ex, but the Value Chain is focused on the actual conversation you should have with your ex. Or, rather the type of conversations.
We have found there are basically five types of conversations that you should have with your ex throughout the entire process of trying to win them back.
Here are the five types of conversations you should be having with your ex.
- Small Talk
- Telling Stories
- Sharing Opinions
- Virgin Ground
- Sharing Feelings
Now, the most common mistake we see our clients make after explaining the Value Ladder and the Value Chain is, they picture them literally as a ladder or a chain that they need to climb up.
They think – I need to have one type of conversation with my ex before I have another type, and then another type.
Believe it or not there is a correct order that you should be implementing these conversations in.
The more effective way to approach this piece of the puzzle is to spread all five types of conversations in the Value Ladder out throughout the entire process of trying to get your ex back.
Don’t Kid Yourself… There Are No Guarantees
Now, before I share something incredibly fascinating that we discovered about your original question, it’s only fair that I tell you the truth about the process of getting your ex back.
Even if you are doing everything right. Even if you are using the three most common types of communication in the Value Chain and you are having the right types of conversations that we have outlined in the Value Ladder, things can still go wrong.
Anyone who tells you that getting your ex back will be an easy process is lying to you.
Quite frankly, the odds are almost always stacked against you. Yes, you can increase the odds by using our methods, absolutely. But, increasing the odds doesn’t necessarily guarantee success. If fact, I would still say the odds are relatively stacked against you.
So, what does this mean? Does this mean you should give up trying to get your ex back? Is that what we are suggesting?
No, not at all. But we do want you to enter the process understanding that even if you do everything by the book – even if you execute everything perfectly – things could still not work out.
The Truth About Letting Go
It is at this point in the process where my team and I discovered something fascinating about letting exes go.
You see, we’ve been blessed over the years with a variety of success stories. What potentially separates us from our peers is that we spend a lot of time diving deep and talking with our each of our successful clients to learn what truly worked for them in winning their exes back. We receive all different answers.
What is interesting, however, is a pattern that has emerged from this research with a certain subsection of our successful clients.
This group of successful clients followed our advice. They followed the Value Ladder and the Value Chain. Things were going well, but they still were not winning their ex back. It was only after these clients said to themselves and even to our private Facebook group, “I give up. I’m ready to move on. I can’t take this anymore!” that they started to see progress.
After seeing this trend repeatedly over the years, my team and I came up with an interesting term to describe this phenomenon. We call it “moving on without moving on”.
Moving On Without Moving On
Essentially, “moving on without moving on” occurs when a client reaches a breaking point.
They bottom out and completely give up on trying to win their ex back — and that’s when they start to see success.
Their ex starts to notice they are not contacting them anymore and wonders why. Suddenly, the ex decides they want our client in their life again.
You may be thinking, why does this happen? Well, we haven’t quite figured that out yet, but we do have a hypothesis.
I think it ultimately boils down to the fact that people who literally reach the end of their rope and give up on trying to win their ex back, can’t fake it anymore.
Here’s my point. Sometimes when I explain the “moving on without moving on” phenomenon to my clients, they try to fake it until they can make it. What do I mean by that? Well, they say they’re going to give up, but deep down in their heart they still really want their ex back more than anything – and their ex can sense it.
It’s the clients who truly WANT to give up on winning their ex back that creates an aura of confidence about themselves that says “I’m moving on”. When the ex senses our client has truly moved on, it likely re-attracts them.
So, if you are wondering if your ex will come back if you let them go, the answer is that it’s likely. From our experience and research, there is a lot of truth in Albert Schweitzer’s popular quote, “If you love something so much, let it go. If it comes back, it was meant to be. If it doesn’t, it never was”.