Today we’re going to talk about five signs that show that your ex is pretending to be over you.

And just so you know, these signs aren’t just conjecture, but are taken from the real-life experiences of our clients, people in our private Facebook support group and experiences from my own life, things I’ve actually done after breakups.

But if you’re new to this process – if you’re just going through a breakup and trying to figure out what to do next – my biggest recommendation is to follow this link and take the Ex Recovery Chances Quiz.

The quiz is designed to give you an approximate idea of your overall chances of getting your ex back, and also tell you the best steps for you to take next.

It should only take about two minutes to complete, and is really easy. It’s also totally free!

So let’s get back to those signs that your ex might not be as over you as he (or she!) says…

Sign #1: They Refuse To Pick Up Their Stuff

Now, this may not sound like news to you, but we have learned that one of the most important interactions you can have with your ex is when you come to do that essential exchange of items that you have built up through your time together.

What’s interesting is that when they refuse to pick their things up, or if they do pick them up but leave a few items behind ‘by accident’, they may be having trouble getting over the breakup.

We’ve found that exes who tend to leave something behind know that it will create an instant future date to see you. They’re still trying to keep their options open and they’re unsure about how they feel.

They know that if they take all of their things, they have no legitimate reason to see you again in person.

So sometimes we find that exes who specifically leave their things or who take them but ‘forget’ something are doing so on purpose because they’re having trouble with how they’re feeling about the breakup and they’re still weighing their options.

They might be missing you and wondering if you should be getting back together, or they might be trying to move on but unconsciously sabotaging themselves.

You should always make it easy and non-confrontational if you meet your ex to exchange possessions. Let them have their things without argument.

If they leave something behind, take it as a good sign.

What if you are the one who needs to get your stuff back?

First up, only do so if the thing/s are actually important.

You can buy a new toothbrush or razor. But if it’s something worth money or essential to your life, ask nicely and make the handover quick and easy. Look great and be positive, even if you’re hurting inside.

Again, make it as easy on them as possible. You don’t want to stir up more negative feelings about the breakup. Be gracious and accommodating.

If they refuse to meet you, ask for the item to be dropped off somewhere you can get it – you can’t force them to meet up.

And don’t leave anything behind! Your ex might take this as you being clingy and creating an excuse to see them again. This works both ways…

Sign #2: They Are Insanely Hot And Cold

I would argue that this is the most common sign that an ex is pretending to be over you – being hot one minute and cold the next.

So what does this look like?

One of the most common things we see is an ex who blocks you…then a few weeks later unblocks you…and then blocks you again…

I’ve talked a lot about that concept in this video,

They go through this pendulum swing of emotions which shows that they’re still unsure about how they are feeling.

Blocking you can mean totally blocking you from all social media and phone contact, or it could just mean blocking you on the platform you most commonly communicated e.g. WhatsApp.

It’s pretty common to be blocked on most platforms, but left with the option of email, for example, or still being friends on a less-used (for you) channel e.g. LinkedIn.

They may leave a line or two of communication open, which leaves them with that option again, if they decide they do want to contact you. This is a good sign.

Another really great example that we have seen a lot with clients is an ex who will tell you, “Hey, we’re going to get back together again,” and then do things that make you think that you really won’t, such as not contacting you about a date you were supposed to go on.

Or they say things like “Let’s be friends,” and then they start talking to you about going on romantic trips together in the future. And then…you don’t hear from them, or when you do they’re not really engaging in the conversation, and the trip or date is never mentioned.

And then a few weeks later they flip back again.

This is that constant pendulum swing from hot to cold that we find is so common with exes who are not sure how they are feeling.

This can be super-frustrating and exhausting for you if you’re trying to get your ex back. You have to be the one to show more emotional control in this situation.

Try not to overanalyze every interaction – what does this mean? What is going on? It’s likely your ex doesn’t know themselves, so don’t drive yourself mad second-guessing their every move.

Instead, you should be focussing on yourself and getting your life back in order. Be kind to yourself, do things you enjoy, and work on your Trinity (Health, Wealth and Relationships). The Trinity is part of the Ex Boyfriend Program, which you can find out more about here.

While he’s being hot and cold with you, make sure you are consistently friendly and upbeat, and that all your social media etc. shows you are getting on with living your best life.

And if you’re employing a No Contact Rule to get through this difficult period just after a breakup, when he’s likely to play hot and cold and not be sure what he wants, make sure you stick to it.

If he’s blowing up your phone one moment and ignoring you the next, this shows that No Contact is working.

(Don’t know what I mean by a No Contact Rule? You can find out more about this essential strategy here.)

Sign #3: They Remove All Your Couples Photos… Except One

Now this one may initially sound odd. What’s the big deal, it’s just a couple of photos that you took during your time together, why would he bother deleting them?

But what we’ve found is that exes who are doing that, and maybe leaving a few behind on purpose, may have a reason for doing so.

What does this look like?

Well, typically speaking, while you were together you and your ex will have taken couples photos of you two together – sometimes hundreds, sometimes just a handful; everyone is different.

What we find is that what happens after a breakup is that it’s pretty standard procedure for your ex to delete all of those photos you took together off their social media accounts.

This is an emotional reaction. Whether he’s angry, sad or even just unsure, seeing photos of your happy times together will compound the emotions from the breakup. It’s easier to avoid seeing any of these by deleting them.

He may also be doing it to hurt you, lashing out at the person who, in his mind, has caused all this pain.

Again, it’s not necessarily a logical reaction – it’s an emotional one.

But sometimes we’ll find exes will leave just one, or just a few.

Why are they doing this?

Well, for starters it’s to elicit a reaction from you. They’re still unsure about how they’re supposed to be feeling (as you can see, this is a common theme throughout this article) and they’re also unsure about how you’re feeling about the breakup.

By leaving a few photos and deleting the rest, they can see if they’ll get a reaction out of you.

And if you react, they know that you’re still hung up on them as much as they are on you.

Often, this is enough to comfort them that you are also hurt by the breakup.

So what should you do in this situation?

Don’t react.

Again, you have to show more emotional control. Contacting him to tell him how upset you are that he would trash your memories will not work in your favor.

Hold your head up high and concentrate on your recovery and your life.

Breakups are hurtful, and when someone deletes all those memories of a precious relationship, and you still love them, this is one of the things that’s going to hurt the most. But if you remember that he is most likely trying to get a reaction out of you, you can more easily control your emotions and let him play his games.

It’s an odd but recurrent theme we’ve found over the years, but one that we can’t discount, and definitely one of the things that shows they may only be pretending to be over you.

Sign #4: They Don’t Break Their Old Routines

Relationships are often defined by their routines or patterns. For example, if you and your ex were together for a long time, you probably had a consistent messaging schedule. That might have been just a few times a day or maybe it was all throughout the day. Every relationship is unique and has different routines that have been established.

What we’ve found is that exes who are pretending to be over you when they’re really not and are still having that internal war about whether they should move on or not, will have a lot of trouble breaking from these routines.

They’ve drawn a line in the sand and said hey, I don’t want to be with you any more. But if they still act and get into the same routine they were in right before they drew that proverbial line in the sand, it’s a good sign that they’re having trouble letting go.

What else might show this? If you guys always went to a certain place on the last Monday of the month, and he still does that, it’s a sign that that time was precious, and he hasn’t forgotten the good feelings.

If they still show up at places you used to meet in regularly, such as a certain coffee shop, he knows you might be there and yet he’s still reluctant to break that routine. You are not out of his system just yet.

Sign #5: You Hear From Their Friends Randomly

When I was 19 years old I went through my first breakup. She was a nice girl, we dated for about nine months. When we broke up, I didn’t really know how to handle it. I didn’t know if I wanted her back or if I wanted to move on. And of course I was extremely immature – and immature behavior can be a really common thing with breakups.

So, what did I do?

Rather than actually communicate with her myself, I had my best friend communicate with her for me. Not actually saying the words, it was more like spying. I’d say, “Hey, can you call her, talk to her and see where she’s at?”

Now what’s interesting is she did the exact same thing to me – she had her best friend contact me. So it was kind of like this Cold War between us where neither of us were physically connecting, we were just getting information through our friends.

You’ll find this is another common theme with exes who are pretending to be over you.

So when I say pretending to be over you, what do I really mean?

It just simply means they haven’t decided whether they are really ready to move on yet, or not.

I clearly wasn’t ready, so I had my best friend spy on my ex for me. So if you’re in a position where you find that your ex’s friends are randomly talking to you, they may be doing the same thing that I did when I was 19.

This also goes for family members. If they are contacting you and asking how you are, it may be that your ex is hurting and they can see it, or your ex has even asked them to make sure you’re okay, or whatever.

Take care about pouring your heart out to any of these people – you have to be the one emotionally in control. Be strong and take it one step at a time!

Now, those are five great signs that your ex is only pretending to be over you, but I’m not foolish enough to think that I’ve covered all of them. If you think I’ve missed one, or you’re sitting there thinking about what an ex did to you and you think it should be included, simply use the comments below this post and tell me about it. I love hearing from you guys, and I try to respond to every comment.

Finally, remember that the best thing you can do if you’re not sure where you are and what to do next, take the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Quiz. It’s free and easy, and will help you to put my advice into action to get your ex back.

Thanks so much for reading.

37 thoughts on “Signs Your Ex Is Pretending To Be Over You”

  1. Avatar

    Kassandra

    January 17, 2020 at 7:44 am

    Hi Shaunna,
    Thanks for the quick reply! Last night he steered the conversation towards what happened this summer. He apologised for hurting me. I think he needs to talk about it. I don’t know if I’m ready yet, because I don’t want to reveal my intentions. Oh, and yes — this is all happening via text. I’ll look up the value chain articles. Thanks!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 17, 2020 at 2:00 pm

      Hey Kassandra, if he brings it up acknowledge what he has to say but dont go down that route of emotional conversations just answer what you can and change the subject. It sounds like you are doing the texting phase well! Awesome work!

  2. Avatar

    Kassandra

    January 16, 2020 at 6:01 pm

    Hi Shaunna,

    I didn’t know where to post this because it’s related to so many articles.
    We’ve been back in contact for 3 weeks. A lot has happened: he has asked about a colleague of mine that has a crush on me; he’s expressed emotions about his work situations; he’s mentioned locations that he surely must know remind me of how he broke my heart; he’s initiated conversations; he’s re-initiated contact during the day or in the evenings; he’s playfully teased me, sending mixed signals where I’m not sure if he’s flirting with me or not; our longest conversation was texting for two hours straight; I felt like he was trying to see how I’d react if he mentions a potential crush at work but then adds that he’s not going to go after her.
    We’re still only connected via WhatsApp. I’m still blocked on social media.
    I’m not sure if I’m always in control of the situation. I try to keep the conversation light, funny, interesting, engaging. I take my time to respond and allow for days where we don’t talk to each other at all.
    I don’t know if he’s playing mind games with me, if he’s testing me, if he’s got feelings for me, or if it’s okay for me to flirt with him. I don’t want to misinterpret things. Are things moving too fast??

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 16, 2020 at 9:44 pm

      As long as this is all through texting you are doing well, but you need to not cross a line too fast, read about the value chain, and the value ladder. Letting things build slowly to phone calls and possible meet ups. I would flirty gently to see what sort of response you get from him and if he flirts back great, you can up that SLOWLY over time to start flirting and attracting him again

  3. Avatar

    A

    December 27, 2019 at 2:06 pm

    Hey guys, I’m not sure if I’ve put this under the right article but my situation is abit of a tricky one. My ex and I have been broken up about 10 months, aw were together for nearly 4 years. Only in the last 3 months we gradually became back friends on social media etc. And just recently we started to have friendly contact every so often. Before we got back in contact, we would mutually like one another’s posts (kinda indirect communication which I noticed) My problem is that I know I still feel something there and I feel my ex only sees me as a friend so I feel the more we talk the further in the friendzone I’ll be and it’ll be more difficult to away things on my favour. I’m not sure if he has any feelings for me at the moment, maybe attraction. But just recently I seen him face to face and it went well, a small bit of awkwardness but unsure where to go from here as I don’t want to continue hurting myself. I was planning on not engaging in contact if I receive any and just doing a small no contact to rebalance things as I feel I’ve lost power. I feel sometimes he is just being friendly because he has a good heart and wants to keep the peace. Any advice?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 30, 2019 at 2:58 pm

      Hey A, so I wouldnt go into a No Contact if you are communicating positively or youll just confuse the situation you need to see what happens if you flirt a little through text, not over the top just a little flirty joke to see what his reaction is, if he reciprocates then great you can throw a bit more flirting in there another day – dont over do it at the start. If he shuts down the flirting or ignores it completely then take that as he is treating you as a friend, it is not the end though you need to just read up on the being there method, even though he doesn’t have anyone else romantically you need him to see you as more than just a friend

  4. Avatar

    D

    December 26, 2019 at 2:40 pm

    My ex broke up with me almost 3 months ago. We had been together for 2 years.
    He deleted a few pics of us after the break up from his FB (but kept about half). He also blocked me on messenger after the first few weeks, as I was contacting him to try and get him back. I have been in non contact for almost 2 months now. I deactivated my FB a month ago for a break.
    I went back onto my instagram for first time yesterday, and posted a pic of my dog at the beach. And my ex immediately unfollowed me (and one of my friends). And few days before, my friend noticed he had deleted a few more pics of us from his FB, but had again kept some. He still has me and family/friends as friends on FB. I’m confused.
    I’m taking this that he is still hurting? But just wondered if it is a bad sign for getting him back and sign he’s trying to move on?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 29, 2019 at 11:13 pm

      Hey D yes he is still hurting and it is a common reaction when someone sees something from their ex for the first time in a while. It is likely you will be unblocked in the mean time you focus on healing and being happy

  5. Avatar

    Vanessa

    December 26, 2019 at 6:09 am

    My man and I were together for over a year, the only thing we really struggled with was money but at this time in the recession who isn’t. His family is reallyy negative and toxic and I don’t enjoy being around them because I don’t like the energy nor did I like how they treat him. I struggled to find work for almost a year, I even scrubbed toilets with a toothbrush and sold my things for us to pay rent. He had an opportunity to work overseas for three months and I encouraged him to go because I knew later down the line he would resent me for stopping him even if I had the feeling it was a bad idea.. so he went. With all the chaos of my life at that time, I became super depressed and went and received help while he was away. Half way through his trip a switch went off, he became more distant and his mental and physical health started slipping. I begged him to come early and he said no. I know he was surrounded by unhealthy people and heavy drugs which I know he got into without having to tell me. His parents are very manipulative and often use money to control him even if it was help to put food on our table, which they never did and they have the funds to do so. His mom is the most negative and toxic, took full control and wouldn’t let me get him from the airport and he continuously pulled the rug out from me a week before he got home. Like that he was moving back home to do an online course so he wouldn’t have to worry about rent, when I had just put a deposit down for our next place (which I got out of thankfully) and then when I finally got to see him, he brought his mom who was a tornado of darkness, he read me a break up letter, while crying and kissing my face as he did it. Texted me that night saying I’m the only woman in the world for him and then iced me for a week, followed by a bullshit text message that didn’t sound like he even wrote filled with stuff that didn’t actually happen and I never heard from him again. I waited six weeks before I reached out to him- nothing- two weeks later I had heard some info and I had cussed him out- still nothing. Still won’t pick his stuff up from his cousins in town, hasn’t reached out, hasn’t returned my things. A year and a half of that rare special love and then he vanished. I don’t feel like I have a pulse despite everything I’m doing to get myself on the highest expression of who I am. I genuinely felt I was going to spend the rest of my life with this man and he vanished and now I don’t trust anyone

  6. Avatar

    Linda

    December 25, 2019 at 5:11 pm

    My boyfriend just gave me my apartment key back, hidden between some Christmas cards, without an explanation! What does that mean! At first I blew up his phone with desperate texts, but then I decided to give him time and space. He thanked me. We still text each other morning and night texts, but nothing more. Are we on the right track. In exactly 1 month, we will be together for 6 years. Is there hope of getting back together? Thank you!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 29, 2019 at 6:44 pm

      Hey Linda, so he gave you the key back and didnt explain? Has there been an argument or a break up at all as this is not normal behavior to do something out of the blue. If you have just broken up then you need to go into a no contact and not text him morning or night for 30 days minimum

  7. Avatar

    Brittany

    December 23, 2019 at 6:43 pm

    my ex of 6months broke up with me 3 weeks ago. Initially, I begged, cried, and pleaded with him. We were in a long distance relationship because I’m in school out of state. we’re a 3hour train ride away from each other. After the breakup, I wanted to keep in contact with him because I said I was over him, but will wanted to talk. Later found out that I actually wasn’t. I called him a week later going off on him and how I treated him so much better. He later texted me apologizing for what he did. I came back to our home state for work. We both work with each other. Things wasn’t awkward at work actually he would stare and flirt with me. He still wanted to text me, but just as “friends” I initiated us to hang out and he said okay. We hung out. We had sex. After he told me he moved on, there was no emotional connection, and there’s no chance of us. He’s already talking about having a crush on this new girl at work and that she’s a “keeper.” That obviously hurt. I told him I lost feelings for him and we should be FWB but I later found that wasn’t a good idea because I still really like him. I found out that we never really gave each other space to think about us, which is why we haven’t gotten back together yet. I’m scared it’s too late. We haven’t done the no contact rule. I’m about to head back for school in two weeks and I’m scared the no contact rule will be harder to work if we’re long distance.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 23, 2019 at 7:44 pm

      Hi Brittany so the No Contact rule is going to work either way, so make sure you do it. Sleeping with someone who you care about before they are in a relationship with you is not going to make them come fully back as they now know they can be with you if they wanted to be. So make sure you stop all contact for 30 days minimum and work on yourself in that time. You already know you are going to see him again so make sure that your sole focus is going to be on how to be the Ungettable girl

  8. Avatar

    Paige

    December 20, 2019 at 8:41 pm

    My boyfriend of 6months broke up with me for no real reason… He had called me on the Thursday saying so excited to see me etc. We had a date planned Friday. I asked if he was still on for the date Friday evening and he replied saying he thinks it’s best to leave it because he’s messing me around and it’s not fair. When probed he said, I’m no good at this, I blow hot and cold, and I’ve called it so best we stop talking. I asked him where it’s all come from as everything had been fine, and that I hoped he was ok, he reiterated he didn’t want to Mess me around and he hopes I was ok too. Told him I wasn’t, he’d done a 180 in 24hrs and I was confused. He was vague with responses, so I said I wasn’t going to put pressure on him As he’s stressed with work and he knows where I am when things have calmed down for him. Less than 2hrs later he messaged me, again not saying too much but showing he wanted my attention. He asked if I was annoyed with him, I told him I wasn’t, just confused, but if he’s done with me why would it matter… He shut it down ok cool good, don’t worry then, ok… I drunk text a week later and no reply. 2 weeks later I text him again and told him that I miss him and I need him to tell me to go if that’s what he wants. He replied saying it’s not going anywhere and it’s a waste of time. I replied with some harsh words saying I ‘wouldn’t waste anymore time’ on him then…. The last message I sent was 2 weeks ago. The thing that’s getting me confused now is, he is watching ALL of my social media stories within maximum 4mins of me posting them since he broke it off. The quickest one being about 40secs….I have watched his stories, around 15hrs after he’s posted them (but haven’t since Tuesday) Since our last messages his best friends girlfriend watched one of my stories, and also her friend (no sm connection to him) watched a different one. I also have had a lot of his friends viewing my profile. I have seen him twice walking his dog on my route and time of coming home from work, and 4 times in his car or work van Either on my way into work (not his route) or of a weekend. For the whole 6m relationship we didn’t ‘run into each other’ like that. What do I do now?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 22, 2019 at 6:18 pm

      Hey Paige, consider what you have said, you need to do a real no contact where you do not speak with your ex for 30 days minimum, and that includes not replying if he reaches out to you. If his friends are watching your social media great, let them see how amazing you are and how happy your life is without your ex in it. Because thats the information you want your ex to hear from this, you do not want to appear desperate or upset that he has gone

  9. Avatar

    Lindsey

    December 20, 2019 at 5:32 pm

    Hi my name is Lindsey, my ex-broke up with me a couple months ago. We have been together for 5 years and we lived together for 1 year and a few months…He’s left the apartment the day of the breakup but only took his clothes with him. We have tried the no contact rule but I always find myself failing at it. He claims I’ve done nothing wrong and emphasizes how he likes his solitude. He prefers to be alone and he enjoys this. Yet he still wants to remain friends…what does this mean?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 21, 2019 at 10:13 pm

      Hey Lindsey so you need to do a no contact if you want to try and get your ex back. Him wanting to be friends is just dealing with his guilt of walking away from you without giving you a reason. Look up Chris posts about being the Ungettable Girl and apply that to your life where you can

  10. Avatar

    Sj

    December 18, 2019 at 10:11 pm

    Hi,

    I was with my ex gf for 8 years, we broke up end of October. Went into no contact and finally got to see her last week. We met up all week and it was good had fun, we hugged a lot, head in my neck and pulling my closer. she was close with me but said she couldn’t see us getting back together. Saturday we were texting loads, really laughing and lots of emotions. That night she went out all night and Sunday went cold with me. We barely spoke and she wasnt nice at all. Monday she heard I had spoken to a mutual friend and she went mad at me and told me we were done for good and never getting back together. Later that night she accidentally liked a 6 year old photo of us on Facebook. I’m back into nc, but i dont know where i stand and what to do next…..please help!!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 21, 2019 at 9:47 pm

      Hi Sj, so it sounds as if she is emotional about you when she was looking through the old photos so it is showing she is thinking about the past. But she also sounds as if she is “having fun” shall we say… so she could be going back and forth with what she wants and got angry that you spoke to a mutual friend who has then gone back to her and told her what you have said. We use the mutual friends to make the exes worried that you could be moving on, not that you are missing them and wanting them back. When you finish your no contact and assuming she is less emotional make it seem that you are less into her and that you are possibly dating

  11. Avatar

    Tarryn

    December 16, 2019 at 2:49 pm

    Hi. My boyfriend and I broke up about 2 weeks ago. During this time of the break up we had to attend a wedding and he still did certain things he did when we were together but on and off. After 1 day of ignoring him he came and spoke to me like a good friend did. I got a glimpse of hope and started contacting him more. However yesterday he told me to just leave him alone, has blocked me and told me that he doesn’t want me back now and only will in possibly a few years. He has now pulled the no contact rule on me. Please give me some advice on what to do. I don’t know what to do.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 16, 2019 at 11:36 pm

      Hi Tarryn so you need to use this no contact period to focus on yourself, getting over the break up and reading as much as you can on this website to help you become “ungettable” your ex will eventually unblock you and see how amazing you are doing

  12. Avatar

    Jenny

    December 15, 2019 at 12:47 am

    Hi,
    I broke up with my boyfriend back 2 months ago and then we briefly rekindled things about a month later, but then the same fight happened again. I was the one to break up with him, but I feel now that I was pressured into it and made a rash decision, because my friends were very against the relationship. I have since realized that I am willing to do the work to get him back and fight for the relationship. As of about a week ago, he started posting pics of a new girl. It has been about 2 weeks since I have spoken to him. I worry that I am going to lose my chance about getting him back, because of this new girl being in the picture. What should my next step be in getting him back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 15, 2019 at 9:37 pm

      Hi Jenny starting with a No contact and then reaching out as a friend and starting the being there method. Make sure you read as much as you can on this website that applies to your situation

  13. Avatar

    K s cooley

    December 13, 2019 at 3:34 pm

    Was together 3yrs. Past few weeks he started slowly distancing from me, but if I asked him if he wanted to go our separate ways he would assure me he didnt. So 3 nights ago we had a small argument texting each other he then text he was done for me to leave him alone. I have text him a few times he doesnt respond. But I see he looks at them. In the past he would block me from all contact, so far he hasnt this time. Is there any hope he come back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 15, 2019 at 8:55 pm

      Hi KSC so by the sounds of things hes just distanced himself from arguments and fall outs. Following a No Contact for 30 days and allowing that time to pass for him to decide what he wants himself and reach out in a friendly way not mentioning the relationship and just seeing what if any response you get.

  14. Avatar

    Milla

    December 13, 2019 at 1:31 am

    Hi, i am Milla and we broke with my bf 2.5 months ago. We did not loose contact, he talked to me 3..4 times a week. Recently we spoke longer and he gave me terrible mixed signals-he didnt want to meet in my place for his vacation around Christmas, but the moment i asked him would he want to meet me at all, the answer was “Where you may come?”… Than asked is he liking me(he has passive agression often) he said “No i do not, and after me not outbursting, he started to say i like parts of you.. Than he started to say what he likes in me…turned out 2 hours. Than we continued talking and he finally addmitted, he is not mentally ready for seeing me “withought expectations”. Than we talked for two more hours, and he turned out flirty, asking for sex… I turned out flirty also, but thats all. As a whole we spent 6 hours on the pfone in a really good conversation. I want him back,but he has deep introversion and he opens up hard. In our relationship i have always initiated the contact – he just cant, because is terribly introverted, he is even able not to talk to his parents weeks. How is good to continue? No contact is not apllying as we are typing often. Sometmes if i ask him smt for us he says”i cant say yes or no, let it happen “. He cant be a friend with me, but still is around and typing often, sometimes talking for hours. I would like to reunite, loving him for who he is-shy, gentle, clever. So i wander hoe to proceed. He is 34,me 33

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 15, 2019 at 8:50 pm

      Hi Milla, you need to do no contact, saying it does not apply is not how this works. Doing no contact you do not reach out you do not reply to him no matter what. For a minimum of 30 days. It doesnt matter what you used to do. NO Contact is just that, NO CONTACT. If you want to get him back and follow this process you have to start by doing no contact

  15. Avatar

    Dawn

    December 11, 2019 at 2:36 am

    My ex boyfriend and I dated for 11 months and we were each other’s first sexually. We took lots of trips together texted and hung out a lot then, he got a little controlling and at times distant. We started having arguments around our 10th month a lot and he didn’t want space and on our last weekend trip with his family he was very distant and not speaking to me much so, later that week I decided I needed to walk away from the relationship for a little to reflect and hoped he would do the same; turns out he’s been texting some girl he met a month before and claimed she was just a friend. He tries to get me back for a few days after the breakup and I told him I needed time. Now he’s texting and seeing this girl and I want him back but, he said he didn’t want me back now. What should I do? We had invested a lot into each other and we had a lot of great times and first together and I don’t want to loose him for good. He hasn’t contacted me in almost 2 weeks.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 15, 2019 at 5:44 pm

      Hi Dawn the description of your relationship does not sound like a healthy one so I would consider if it is wise to try get someone back who was controlling and then punishing you with silence and distance. If he has moved on right now he is going to be focus on the “new” relationship but that is why you need to do 45 days no contact where he has enough time to become over the honeymoon phase. If you want to get your ex back then you need to work on yourself to a point where you are strong emotionally. But by the sounds of things you were right to walk away

  16. Avatar

    Jai

    December 8, 2019 at 1:23 pm

    So we were dating from last 3 yrs & everything was pretty amazing for 2 yrs & than we started fighting a little but used to patch up quickly & maybe we both made a fault there of not solving the issue just fcsd on cmng back.In Nov18 we fought & we broke up Till thn I became comfortable with the rltnshp & thought she will never leave me & stopped putting efforts in small things,stopped appreciating her efforts.After this brkup she told me that there will be no relationship now but we kept talking & kept flirting back & forth & the chats and calls were as usual.She accptd that she is trying to move on but can’t & we kept talking like couples for 5 mnths but We never tlkd about rslvng the issue & i didn’t put effort bcuz I thought we just fought because there were many issue & there is nothing to be rslvd.Those 4-5 months were weird ,we were not in a relationship but it felt like we are in one atleast to me.Than in June 2019 I shouted on her for something and it hurted her real bad & I instantly knew that i made a mistake, I was ashamed of it and I apologized to her.I thought at that point now it’s all over.I initiated the talking again after few days we talked like friends & in the initial time she was stiff in rplyg at the pace but after 2 mnths there was some change & she opened a little bit & started talking on phone & chat more frequently,I made sure I treated her as a nice friend through out this period.In November I apologized again for my mistakes & asked her to come back & she told me that The break-up hpnd 1 yr ago & those 4-5 months I was like that cuz i couldn’t control my emotions but now it’s too late & I see you just as a friend. It shocked me & I gave it a thought I tried again after few days & it failed again she told me it makes no sense talking about these things and you should move on I can get into relationship but not with you.( Still she used to talk about my posts and activities to her friend.)Now I realise my mistake of taking her granted & it’s too late and I regret what I did.Will she get her feelings back in future (4-5 months) if I really change myself & than talk. Do girls get re attracted after such thing ?( I have not contacted her from past 5-6days , I am working on myself and thinking of contacting after 1-2 month,She follows me on social media) Ps- I can still talk to her when I want we are on talking terms.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 9, 2019 at 5:38 pm

      Hey Jai, it sounds like a good idea to work on yourself for some time, but if you want to get your ex back I do suggest not going longer than 66 days of speaking to them as this can make it difficult if you want to get them back

  17. Avatar

    Clara Cepeda

    December 8, 2019 at 12:13 am

    Me and my ex have been broken up for a month and I didn’t do the no contact rule when I should’ve. I kept reaching out when he said he needed space and he always answered to my messages and later he wanted to be friends. He would always answer to my messages and we would chat but he was stand off ish. I asked him if he sees a future of us getting back together and he said not in the cards but really wants to be friends so I need to figure out where I stand emotionally. I never replied and it’s been a week… I can’t tell if he’s super over it or just emotionally confused of what he wants. Do I become friends with him to eventually get him back ir is this a waste of time ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 8, 2019 at 10:57 pm

      Hi Clara, have you don ea no contact now? If not then you need to do one! And yes you can attempt to do the being there method to get him back but it is difficult to get an ex back if you put in the friendzone

  18. Avatar

    Doreen

    December 6, 2019 at 10:55 am

    Hey my boyfriend broke up with me,it’s now three weeks with no communication, he stares at me and check out my post on Facebook, what does this mean

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 6, 2019 at 5:44 pm

      Hi Doreen, you do not mention an age, length of relationship here or reason for breaking up. But normally when an ex is stalking you online and watching you they are not normally dealing with the break up all that well. IF you want to get your ex back you need to continue with no contact and then reach out to him when its been 30 days of no contact

  19. Avatar

    Thembi

    December 5, 2019 at 5:48 am

    Hi, I’m Thembi from Katlehong,i would like to know what might be the reason for the abusive boyfriend to tell you that if it happens you leave him in the future and decided to go you must never attempt to communicate with him or send him a message,you must just carry on with your life and forget about about him,it happened we broke up I left
    him,truth must be told I can’t forget him,he is my life…I just couldn’t tolerate his abuse it was too much for me to handle,but I wanted to help him out to go do counseling he never give me that opportunity,he refused and he got more violent and very abusive instead,we had a future together,we suppose to be getting married this month on the 25th December but now everything is a mess,how do I get my ex helped…I love him,i know he deserve the best and he also deserve to be loved not hurt…Pls help me I need your advise.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 6, 2019 at 9:48 pm

      Hi Thembi, sadly we can become dependant on abusive exes, they become an addiction which is what you are feeling at the moment. You need to find that strength inside to tell yourself to let go and not go back there as the situation will never get better. You did the hardest part, leaving. Stick with it and seek professional help to deal with the mental pain you are going to be feeling from your doctor or someone you trust. You should not ever be with someone who is violent to you! Do not marry this man or the abuse will be for the rest of your life! Stay strong and stay away from him! He needs to seek professional help and sort out his ways too but that is not your place to try to help him as it is you he is hurting! I hope you listen to my advice as this is a terrible situation for you!

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