By Chris Seiter

Published on May 3rd, 2021

This is a complete guide for signs that an ex is pretending to be over you.

So if you’re looking for;

A better understanding of why your ex is acting the way they are acting.

Real life signs that they are pretending to be over you.

Then you’re going to love this guide.

Let’s begin.

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10 Signs Your Ex Is Pretending To Be Over You

We all think that the first person to move on “wins” the breakup, and it sucks to see your ex winning and getting over you.

But what if I told you your ex might just be pretending to be over you and you can catch them?

Today I’m going to take you through signs that your ex is pretending to be over you.

  1. You Believe They Are An Avoidant Attachment Style
  2. The Couple Routine Never Really Changes (GIGS Factor)
  3. They Are Always Stalking Your Social Media (Instagram Stories)
  4. They Are A Little Too Forceful In Convincing Everyone That They Are Over You
  5. They Fish Around Your Sphere Of Influence
  6. They Refuse To Pick Up Your Stuff
  7. They Are Insanely Hot And Cold
  8. They Remove All Your Couple Photos Except One
  9. They Send A Spy After You
  10. They Go On The Rebound Really Quickly

These signs are taken from hundreds of real-life success stories who have gone through our program and gotten their exes back.

We combed through several success stories to see the signs their exes exhibited when they were clearly just pretending to be over them. So without further ado, here are the 10 signs that your ex is pretending to be over you.

Sign #1: You Believe That Your Ex Is An Avoidant Attachment Style

If you’ve been on our website, YouTube channel, or podcast for the past year, you’ve probably seen us talk about attachment styles! They’re the psychological basis behind most human behavior in relationships and breakups.

There are four main categories of attachment styles: secure, anxious, avoidant, and fearful. Now I’m not going to go into the details here, so scroll through our website to learn more about attachment styles.

One way avoidant attachment styles react to breakups is that they will actually want you to move on before they allow themselves to miss you. This might not seem like pretending to be over you, but it is for avoidant attachment styles.

So think of it like this – if you diagnose your ex as having an avoidant type of attachment style, you need to understand that it will naturally take longer to get this person back. They are purposely not going to give you the time of day until they feel that you have moved on.

It’s only after you’ve moved on that they will feel like it’s okay for them to miss you. So weirdly, pretending to be over you is baked into an avoidant attachment style.

Sign #2: The Couple Routine Never Really Changes

When you’re dating you get into a dynamic routine like talking all day over call and text. A breakup usually interrupts and grinds all that to a halt, but what happens if it doesn’t?

What if your ex breaks up with you but hits you with the “lets still be friends” line and then proceeds to do everything they were doing before, without the intimacy involved. So emotionally and mentally, nothing has changed in your routine and relationship dynamic except that you’re not together anymore.

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Well, why would your ex do this? It’s because they’re suffering from the grass is greener syndrome where they believe that they can do better than you. However, consciously or subconsciously, there’s still doubt in their mind, so they want to keep you as their safe choice.

So they break up with you and decide to play the field while having you as a backup. It’s a cruel way to treat someone, but it also shows you that they’re not completely over you, and you can’t believe everything they say.

They’re really just pretending to be over you till they realize the grass isn’t greener on the other side, and then they’ll come running back!

Sign #3: They’re A Little Too Forceful In Convincing Everyone That They Are Completely Over You

I always say that the opposite of love is not hate; it’s indifference.

Now, are you really indifferent about someone if you keep talking about them (regardless of the context) and how you’re so over them? I think not…

Storytime: I went through my very first breakup when I was 19 years old. Within seven-ish months I was dating someone knew who also knew my ex girl-friend. There was a bit of awkwardness there, and I definitely made it worse because I kept talking about my ex-girlfriend to this poor girl who was dating me.

I kept thinking I had to prove that I was over my ex by constantly talking about how I didn’t like her anymore and was totally over her. There’s nothing more obvious that proves you’re not over your ex than if you continue to talk about them to everyone.

So, if your ex is still talking about you to others, they are not actually over you. If they were over you, they’d be indifferent and never mention you again.

Sign #4: They’re Always Stalking Your Social Media

When I started ex-boyfriend recovery back in 2012, there were really only two big social media sites – Facebook and Twitter. Twitter was mainly used for politics, so Facebook was the dating hub.

Here’s an interesting statistic about Facebook and breakups:

There’s an 89% chance that an ex will stalk you on Facebook.

They’ll either do this directly by watching your posts and interacting with them or having a friend do it, especially if they’ve blocked you. Today you have Instagram and snapchat where you can get a direct idea of whether your ex has been stalking you. Both Instagram and Snapchat let you know who watched your stories, so that’s a straight giveaway that your ex is not quite over you!

Sign #5: They Fish Around Your Sphere Of Influence

Your sphere of influence is essentially the people you surround yourself with whose opinions you care about. This usually includes your close friends and family.

If these people tell you that your ex has been snooping around and indirectly asking questions about you, it’s a sure-shot sign that they’re just pretending to be over you. They still care about you but are basically too proud to directly reach out to you.

They probably want you to reach out first, but until that happens, they’re willing to take desperate indirect actions like talking to your sphere of influence.

Sign #6: They Refuse To Pick Up Their Stuff Or Let You Pick Up Yours

When you’re dating someone you gradually start leaving things at each other’s place. This sign works both ways where your ex may not want to pick up their things or may keep delaying you if you try to pick up yours.

Let’s say you break up and remember you left something really important at your ex’s apartment. You reach out, and your ex says you can come to get those things later when they’re home. Then they delay it because they’re too busy and say they’ll let you know when you can come over. Cool, sounds good.. except they never reach back out to you. You ask them again after a week or two. They find more excuses, and this goes on and on and on…

This is actually a good sign that they’re having trouble letting go of you because, in some way, they have subconsciously linked your presence in their life to hat specific item. Now they feel like letting go of that item means letting go of their last chance of getting back together with you.

On the flip side, they don’t want to retrieve their items from you because it feels like they’re getting rid of the last reason for seeing you again. If they get all their stuff back, there’d be nothing binding you to them anymore. They might be hoping that you miss them and keep their stuff as a reminder.

Sign #7: They Are Insanely Hot And Cold

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So if you hang around the Chris Seiter YouTube channel or the ex-boyfriend recovery website, you’re definitely going to hear about my hot and cold spectrum scale.

Basically, when you go through a breakup, there are two sides of the equation:

  • Super-cold: your ex makes it seem like they will never talk to you again.
  • Super-hot: your ex is either super angry or super into you; either way, they won’t stop contacting you.

Now an ex who’s pretending to be over you will hop back and forth between super-cold and super-hot like a pendulum. Some examples to look out for are if your ex constantly keeps blocking and unblocking you on social media or if they decide to stay friends, then disappear, and then come back.

This is a good sign because it means they’re having an internal war on dealing with this breakup. One minute they want you back, and the next, they want nothing to do with you. They’re just not sure what they want, but they’re definitely not over you.

Sign #8: They Remove All Of Your Couple Photos Except One

I’ll say it again – the opposite of love isn’t hate; it’s indifference. Someone who is completely over you will not remove any of your photos at all. Why? Well, they simply don’t care and don’t have the time.

The most these people will do is change their Facebook privacy settings on those photos, but usually, they’ll just leave them alone.

An ex who actually takes the time to delete your photos is the kind of ex who is clearly still thinking about you and feeling angry over the breakup. If they leave one photo while deleting the others, it means they’re still holding on to something, just like sign #6, where they refuse to give your stuff back.

Maybe they’re keeping that one picture as a memory, or maybe they’re doing it to get a rise out of you, either way, it’s definitely on purpose.

So if your ex deletes all but one photo of you two together, it’s a good sign that they’re just pretending to be over you.

Sign #9: They Send A Spy After You

Usually, a spy will either be a mutual friend or one of their best friends who suddenly starts showing extra concern for you after the breakup at the behest of your ex.

Your ex is too cowardly to say they miss you and want to know how you’re doing, so instead, they send a spy to give them those updates. Of course, the friend won’t mention your ex because they want to keep it on the down-low, but you can still tell.

I’ve found that women actually do this a lot more than men. I’ve had several past girlfriends send their friends to spy on me and I’ve seen it happen with my clients too. Something similar, albeit a lot more intense, happened to me once as well.

One of my ex-girlfriends and her friends showed up at my house and put mustard all over my car. But the joke was on them because it rained later that day, so my car was pretty clean by the time they called me to gloat about their prank.

Most of the time, your ex won’t have an immature knee-jerk reaction like this; they’ll just send a friend who acts like a shoulder to cry on but is really just a spy gathering and passing information.

Sign #10: They Rebound Really Quickly

A lot of times rebound relationships happen with someone your ex met while they were still with you. Yeah, there was definitely something happening with that specific coworker or friend your ex promised was “just a friend”. Anyway, I want to throw that scenario out here since we’re trying to look for knee-jerk reactions where your ex literally gets with the next random new person they feel attracted to.

It’s important to keep an eye on this immediate rebound because the more likely your ex is to quickly jump into a new relationship, the more likely it is that their decision is more about you than it is about their feelings for this new person.

They’re simply using the new person to stop thinking about you. It’s definitely not the best way to handle a breakup, but it’s a coping strategy many people go to when they are not over their ex!


Here’s a quick recap of the 10 signs your ex is only pretending to be over you:

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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  1. You Believe They Are An Avoidant Attachment Style
  2. The Couple Routine Never Really Changes
  3. They Are Always Stalking Your Social Media (Instagram Stories)
  4. They Are A Little Too Forceful In Convincing Everyone That They Are Over You
  5. They Fish Around Your Sphere Of Influence
  6. They Refuse To Pick Up Your Stuff
  7. They Are Insanely Hot And Cold
  8. They Remove All Your Couple Photos Except One
  9. They Send A Spy After You
  10. They Go On The Rebound Really Quickly

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56 thoughts on “Signs Your Ex Is Pretending To Be Over You”

  1. Ntael

    June 10, 2022 at 3:54 pm

    Hi chris
    Why did my ex boyfriend whom I broke up with and later apologized to me but I didn’t respond give to my addresses to his bestfriends and I found them show up to my house and workplace waiting in their cars and looking at me at night after I was coming back from work?
    Are they also spys or want to hook up with me? cause they didn’t even talk to me one of them were just waiting outside the car standing and just looking at me

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 10, 2022 at 8:45 pm

      This is not normal behaviour I would suggest you ask someone to walk to your car or make sure you get home safely. Inform your local police that they are making you feel unsafe.

  2. Kate

    August 12, 2021 at 5:51 pm

    Hi my girlfriend of just over a year broke up with me about 6 weeks ago. we were in a LDR and met just before lockdown. we saw each every week. we split up in March for a couple.of days (her choice, and her choice to get back together). she never went back to saying she loved me and it brought out the anxiety in me as my ex wife (relationship before) completely blindsided me and left me for someone else – I told myself every day that my girlfriend was going to leave me, preparing myself for the worst. When we split this time she said she doesn’t love me but still likes me but it isn’t fair on me that she doesn’t feel the same. we still text everyday, and often wait to see if she will text me and 9/10 she does. we had things booked and she said she wants to remain friends and that I would always be welcome at her house. I have stayed at her house (in the spare room) twice since we split for 3 nights on each occasion. we are going to London together in a weeks time and then she offered to come and help me strip wall paper in my new house the following weekend. I desperately want to reconcile as I truly believe we are meant to be together but have no idea what is going on. I think she is sending mixed messages. she views all my insta stories with both her acc which I no longer follow and her dogs?

  3. M

    August 10, 2021 at 3:46 am

    Hi, Chris!
    I had been in a ‘situationship’ for two years. He is 34 and I am 36. He didn’t want to commit. He said he loved me but wasn’t in love with me. I left him due to this. He later told me that it was painful when I said goodbye but he doesn’t feel anything anymore and doesn’t want a relationship with me. However, his sister (which I have never met before) added me on Snapchat. I accepted her request and said hi but she hasn’t responded. Why do you think his sister would want to contact me all of a sudden?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 28, 2021 at 9:02 pm

      Hi M, it is odd that his sister who you have never met added you on SC. It could be a way for someone to keep an eye on your activities since breaking up

  4. Jennifer Schutz

    July 29, 2021 at 3:57 pm

    Hi Chris. I have looked everywhere on your website, but I can’t find anything to help me. I am trying to do NC with my ex (we broke up 2 weeks ago), but the problem is, we both have the same group of friends and hang out at the same spots with them. So basically, if I want to see my friends, I can almost guarantee he will be there. Kinda hard to do NC. what is your advice?
    Also, I work at a bar that my ex goes to, after I told him on Saturday that I can’t be friends with him right now (he said we should move forward as friends) he comes into the bar on my night. He stays for 4 hours, he is flirting with me, talks to me as if nothing happened and winks at me from across the bar. I see him the next day and he’s cold and basically ignored me. What do you think is going on in his head? Thank you so much for any advice you can give me! I love your website and find it very helpful!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 7, 2021 at 12:07 am

      Hey Jennifer, this article should help you to deal with no contact, and how to speak to your friends when around your ex and when you are not. Also allow your friends to ask you questions but avoid speaking about the relationship or the break up.

  5. Frank

    July 28, 2021 at 11:00 pm

    My ex and I dated for 6 years and lived together for 2 I moved out of state because of covid and she moved back with her parents. She broke up with Me a day before my bday Because she wasn’t happy anymore and didn’t have the same feelings. She still texted me happy bday the next day and we have been in no contact since at first I was stalking her ig and noticed she didn’t delete any of our pictures or videos. It’s been two months and I checked her ig last night and noticed she deleted our pictures but still kept some videos. Has she moved on already or is she playing mind games? Tbh I don’t think she is that type of person to do that but idk. I want her back but am still kinda hurt that she gave up on us when I needed her the most. What do I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 9, 2021 at 9:02 pm

      Hey Frank, it is normal for people to remove photos during the grieving stage of a break up so try not to worry about that, I would suggest that you spend some time reading about the NC period again as this includes you not following her social media posts.

  6. Veronica

    May 11, 2021 at 6:16 am

    Hey I broke up with him a month before .from then he hasn’t contacted me .I try to contact him but it ends in fight . He said the reason for our breakup was our behaviours didn’t match . He was more angry when after breakup I tried to seek help from his big brother and frnds for our patch up .he said he doesn’t want to see my face anyone and doesn’t even want to be frnds I begged and pleaded him alot . everytime we talk he just insults me back . What should I do now

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 23, 2021 at 7:52 pm

      Hi Veronica, you need to take a step back and start following No Contact

  7. Kylie Burton

    December 27, 2020 at 11:55 pm

    Well my ex is just confusing so he ended thing’s over the phone after two years the messaged me about random things like do you know if your dad still has my book
    Then accuses me of stalking him or spying or apparently getting my friends to do so
    He then calls me pathetic blocks me after saying good bye forever then gets into a relationship five or so months later and likes and unlikes my posts on Instagram blocks me again unblocks me everytime I saw him he would stare get jealous when talking to other males or people he knew speaks really loudly for me to hear about he’s sex life with this new chick he then recently has blocked me announced relationship the same day I hung out with one of he’s best friends who has became a friend of mine lol now he’s posting about how Amazing she is and how much he appreciates her which I know I to hurt me because he has posted it on he’s gaming page which is the only page I can see I pretty sure it’s a rebound he never posts this much or when in relationship I’m curious what are your thoughts Chris?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 15, 2021 at 10:08 pm

      Hi Kylie, if this is out of character then I would say that he is over compensating and isn’t doing as good as he’s making out. As long as you keep focusing on yourself and being happy then you just ignore his attempts to get a reaction out of you. He is trying to win the break up.

  8. Aidan

    April 27, 2020 at 9:41 pm

    Hey so my ex and i dated for 6 months I broke up 4 months ago because she was living abroad (tried LDR) but it failed two months. When we were together everything was perfect, but she told me she was in denial over her feelings towards me before she pulled the trigger and said she loved me. When we broke up she blocked all communication channels, but unblocked me when she got home. Fast forward to now and we’ve been seeing each other once a week casually. When she said she wanted to be friends and nothing more I said it wouldn’t be possible as I still had feelings for her. At which point she said she’d need to sleep on that one, after that we continued to text / send each other things on Instagram. After realizing I needed to take some emotional power back I did no contact for a week, which I regret not holding out longer, it got broken when she replied to my Instagram story of a photo I took when we went on a camping trip, asking if it was from the time we took the trip, I said yes, and she said I thought so (which She already knew). Two days ago we FaceTimed for three hours and I proposed having dinner to which she said sounds good and then we can see where it goes. When we hangout now we still click and have great chemistry. Yesterday she was feeling a lot of anxiety unrelated to me and that dinner might be a little to date like. But then said sorry I don’t know what to say, followed by we should have a chat soon. I have made my intentions clear from the beginning but I have a feeling I jumped the gun on no contact in order to increase my attractiveness, I was a little desperate at the initial break. What should my next maneuver be? My plan was to enter back in to no contact. Thanks

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 1, 2020 at 10:16 pm

      Hi Aidan I think you should do a shorter NC (21days) as things were not back on track but you started to get emotional which is not the plan until you are seeing those emotions in your ex. So I would start working your way back up the value chain as she will have pulled away a little after this situation

  9. Joanne

    March 5, 2020 at 7:05 pm

    My ex I noticed deleted only one photo from a while back from Instagram but left the others. What does this mean??? There’s a lot going through my head and I’m unsure what to do or think about this

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 9, 2020 at 8:29 pm

      Hi Joanne, I wouldn’t over think them deleting one photo, it was probably a photo that was making your ex feel emotional so removed it to stop them thinking of that memory

  10. Paige

    January 26, 2020 at 3:17 pm

    Hi Shaunna
    Thanks for your reply. Unfortunately, it came a little too late. Literally 24hrs after I posted on here, I had multiple calls and texts from him. Saying he can’t get me out his head, that we needed to talk etc. I went to see him, and we had a lengthy chat about ourselves and each other. He explained he didn’t feel like I was invested in the relationship and that a new guy I had started working with gave him feelings of jealousy. I told him I act indifferent, because I’ve been hurt before, and that I don’t want to take the relationship further if that’s also not what he wants. He reassured me he does want it to go further. He bought me a gift- a necklace with our initials on, to show me that he’s there when he’s acting hot and cold. A month of a good relationship…Fast forward a month and out of nowhere again goes quiet, and when I call him out on his behaviour, he has blocked my number. 24hrs later he blocked my social media. A week on and I have noticed his best friend has visited my social media pages. Everyone is saying to move to ‘private’ so no one can see what I’m up to, but I feel this is not the right thing to do if he has his friends spying on what I’m doing. He has over this past month had a very young family member in hospital, and his parents have split up again (this happens often but really throws his head into a state when it does) he obviously doesn’t deal with stress well at all. Now I don’t know if he’s blocked me because he needs space, or because he’s just playing games or he actually doesn’t want to be with me. He isn’t afraid of having arguments with people, but never does with me, and has made it clear to a previous girlfriend (way before we got together) that she wouldn’t see him again because he wasn’t interested. I don’t know why he won’t just say it to me if he doesn’t want the relationship. I will have to be strict if he decides to come back with NC, but if you have any other advice on if he’s likely to make a reappearance I would really appreciate it! Thanks, Paige x

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 31, 2020 at 11:11 pm

      Hi Paige, thats not hot and cold! Thats dropping you and picking you up when it is convenient for him! Now you leave your social media as it is so his friend can spy for him. But when he does you need to make sure that you look like you are living this care free happy go lucky life that he isnt even a thought in your mind. I would also said take the necklace off so that it is not in photos for him to see this is going to make him realise that you are working on moving on and not sat around waiting for him to unblock you again.

  11. Kassandra

    January 17, 2020 at 7:44 am

    Hi Shaunna,
    Thanks for the quick reply! Last night he steered the conversation towards what happened this summer. He apologised for hurting me. I think he needs to talk about it. I don’t know if I’m ready yet, because I don’t want to reveal my intentions. Oh, and yes — this is all happening via text. I’ll look up the value chain articles. Thanks!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 17, 2020 at 2:00 pm

      Hey Kassandra, if he brings it up acknowledge what he has to say but dont go down that route of emotional conversations just answer what you can and change the subject. It sounds like you are doing the texting phase well! Awesome work!

  12. Kassandra

    January 16, 2020 at 6:01 pm

    Hi Shaunna,

    I didn’t know where to post this because it’s related to so many articles.
    We’ve been back in contact for 3 weeks. A lot has happened: he has asked about a colleague of mine that has a crush on me; he’s expressed emotions about his work situations; he’s mentioned locations that he surely must know remind me of how he broke my heart; he’s initiated conversations; he’s re-initiated contact during the day or in the evenings; he’s playfully teased me, sending mixed signals where I’m not sure if he’s flirting with me or not; our longest conversation was texting for two hours straight; I felt like he was trying to see how I’d react if he mentions a potential crush at work but then adds that he’s not going to go after her.
    We’re still only connected via WhatsApp. I’m still blocked on social media.
    I’m not sure if I’m always in control of the situation. I try to keep the conversation light, funny, interesting, engaging. I take my time to respond and allow for days where we don’t talk to each other at all.
    I don’t know if he’s playing mind games with me, if he’s testing me, if he’s got feelings for me, or if it’s okay for me to flirt with him. I don’t want to misinterpret things. Are things moving too fast??

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 16, 2020 at 9:44 pm

      As long as this is all through texting you are doing well, but you need to not cross a line too fast, read about the value chain, and the value ladder. Letting things build slowly to phone calls and possible meet ups. I would flirty gently to see what sort of response you get from him and if he flirts back great, you can up that SLOWLY over time to start flirting and attracting him again

  13. A

    December 27, 2019 at 2:06 pm

    Hey guys, I’m not sure if I’ve put this under the right article but my situation is abit of a tricky one. My ex and I have been broken up about 10 months, aw were together for nearly 4 years. Only in the last 3 months we gradually became back friends on social media etc. And just recently we started to have friendly contact every so often. Before we got back in contact, we would mutually like one another’s posts (kinda indirect communication which I noticed) My problem is that I know I still feel something there and I feel my ex only sees me as a friend so I feel the more we talk the further in the friendzone I’ll be and it’ll be more difficult to away things on my favour. I’m not sure if he has any feelings for me at the moment, maybe attraction. But just recently I seen him face to face and it went well, a small bit of awkwardness but unsure where to go from here as I don’t want to continue hurting myself. I was planning on not engaging in contact if I receive any and just doing a small no contact to rebalance things as I feel I’ve lost power. I feel sometimes he is just being friendly because he has a good heart and wants to keep the peace. Any advice?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 30, 2019 at 2:58 pm

      Hey A, so I wouldnt go into a No Contact if you are communicating positively or youll just confuse the situation you need to see what happens if you flirt a little through text, not over the top just a little flirty joke to see what his reaction is, if he reciprocates then great you can throw a bit more flirting in there another day – dont over do it at the start. If he shuts down the flirting or ignores it completely then take that as he is treating you as a friend, it is not the end though you need to just read up on the being there method, even though he doesn’t have anyone else romantically you need him to see you as more than just a friend

  14. D

    December 26, 2019 at 2:40 pm

    My ex broke up with me almost 3 months ago. We had been together for 2 years.
    He deleted a few pics of us after the break up from his FB (but kept about half). He also blocked me on messenger after the first few weeks, as I was contacting him to try and get him back. I have been in non contact for almost 2 months now. I deactivated my FB a month ago for a break.
    I went back onto my instagram for first time yesterday, and posted a pic of my dog at the beach. And my ex immediately unfollowed me (and one of my friends). And few days before, my friend noticed he had deleted a few more pics of us from his FB, but had again kept some. He still has me and family/friends as friends on FB. I’m confused.
    I’m taking this that he is still hurting? But just wondered if it is a bad sign for getting him back and sign he’s trying to move on?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 29, 2019 at 11:13 pm

      Hey D yes he is still hurting and it is a common reaction when someone sees something from their ex for the first time in a while. It is likely you will be unblocked in the mean time you focus on healing and being happy

  15. Vanessa

    December 26, 2019 at 6:09 am

    My man and I were together for over a year, the only thing we really struggled with was money but at this time in the recession who isn’t. His family is reallyy negative and toxic and I don’t enjoy being around them because I don’t like the energy nor did I like how they treat him. I struggled to find work for almost a year, I even scrubbed toilets with a toothbrush and sold my things for us to pay rent. He had an opportunity to work overseas for three months and I encouraged him to go because I knew later down the line he would resent me for stopping him even if I had the feeling it was a bad idea.. so he went. With all the chaos of my life at that time, I became super depressed and went and received help while he was away. Half way through his trip a switch went off, he became more distant and his mental and physical health started slipping. I begged him to come early and he said no. I know he was surrounded by unhealthy people and heavy drugs which I know he got into without having to tell me. His parents are very manipulative and often use money to control him even if it was help to put food on our table, which they never did and they have the funds to do so. His mom is the most negative and toxic, took full control and wouldn’t let me get him from the airport and he continuously pulled the rug out from me a week before he got home. Like that he was moving back home to do an online course so he wouldn’t have to worry about rent, when I had just put a deposit down for our next place (which I got out of thankfully) and then when I finally got to see him, he brought his mom who was a tornado of darkness, he read me a break up letter, while crying and kissing my face as he did it. Texted me that night saying I’m the only woman in the world for him and then iced me for a week, followed by a bullshit text message that didn’t sound like he even wrote filled with stuff that didn’t actually happen and I never heard from him again. I waited six weeks before I reached out to him- nothing- two weeks later I had heard some info and I had cussed him out- still nothing. Still won’t pick his stuff up from his cousins in town, hasn’t reached out, hasn’t returned my things. A year and a half of that rare special love and then he vanished. I don’t feel like I have a pulse despite everything I’m doing to get myself on the highest expression of who I am. I genuinely felt I was going to spend the rest of my life with this man and he vanished and now I don’t trust anyone

  16. Linda

    December 25, 2019 at 5:11 pm

    My boyfriend just gave me my apartment key back, hidden between some Christmas cards, without an explanation! What does that mean! At first I blew up his phone with desperate texts, but then I decided to give him time and space. He thanked me. We still text each other morning and night texts, but nothing more. Are we on the right track. In exactly 1 month, we will be together for 6 years. Is there hope of getting back together? Thank you!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 29, 2019 at 6:44 pm

      Hey Linda, so he gave you the key back and didnt explain? Has there been an argument or a break up at all as this is not normal behavior to do something out of the blue. If you have just broken up then you need to go into a no contact and not text him morning or night for 30 days minimum

  17. Brittany

    December 23, 2019 at 6:43 pm

    my ex of 6months broke up with me 3 weeks ago. Initially, I begged, cried, and pleaded with him. We were in a long distance relationship because I’m in school out of state. we’re a 3hour train ride away from each other. After the breakup, I wanted to keep in contact with him because I said I was over him, but will wanted to talk. Later found out that I actually wasn’t. I called him a week later going off on him and how I treated him so much better. He later texted me apologizing for what he did. I came back to our home state for work. We both work with each other. Things wasn’t awkward at work actually he would stare and flirt with me. He still wanted to text me, but just as “friends” I initiated us to hang out and he said okay. We hung out. We had sex. After he told me he moved on, there was no emotional connection, and there’s no chance of us. He’s already talking about having a crush on this new girl at work and that she’s a “keeper.” That obviously hurt. I told him I lost feelings for him and we should be FWB but I later found that wasn’t a good idea because I still really like him. I found out that we never really gave each other space to think about us, which is why we haven’t gotten back together yet. I’m scared it’s too late. We haven’t done the no contact rule. I’m about to head back for school in two weeks and I’m scared the no contact rule will be harder to work if we’re long distance.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 23, 2019 at 7:44 pm

      Hi Brittany so the No Contact rule is going to work either way, so make sure you do it. Sleeping with someone who you care about before they are in a relationship with you is not going to make them come fully back as they now know they can be with you if they wanted to be. So make sure you stop all contact for 30 days minimum and work on yourself in that time. You already know you are going to see him again so make sure that your sole focus is going to be on how to be the Ungettable girl

  18. Paige

    December 20, 2019 at 8:41 pm

    My boyfriend of 6months broke up with me for no real reason… He had called me on the Thursday saying so excited to see me etc. We had a date planned Friday. I asked if he was still on for the date Friday evening and he replied saying he thinks it’s best to leave it because he’s messing me around and it’s not fair. When probed he said, I’m no good at this, I blow hot and cold, and I’ve called it so best we stop talking. I asked him where it’s all come from as everything had been fine, and that I hoped he was ok, he reiterated he didn’t want to Mess me around and he hopes I was ok too. Told him I wasn’t, he’d done a 180 in 24hrs and I was confused. He was vague with responses, so I said I wasn’t going to put pressure on him As he’s stressed with work and he knows where I am when things have calmed down for him. Less than 2hrs later he messaged me, again not saying too much but showing he wanted my attention. He asked if I was annoyed with him, I told him I wasn’t, just confused, but if he’s done with me why would it matter… He shut it down ok cool good, don’t worry then, ok… I drunk text a week later and no reply. 2 weeks later I text him again and told him that I miss him and I need him to tell me to go if that’s what he wants. He replied saying it’s not going anywhere and it’s a waste of time. I replied with some harsh words saying I ‘wouldn’t waste anymore time’ on him then…. The last message I sent was 2 weeks ago. The thing that’s getting me confused now is, he is watching ALL of my social media stories within maximum 4mins of me posting them since he broke it off. The quickest one being about 40secs….I have watched his stories, around 15hrs after he’s posted them (but haven’t since Tuesday) Since our last messages his best friends girlfriend watched one of my stories, and also her friend (no sm connection to him) watched a different one. I also have had a lot of his friends viewing my profile. I have seen him twice walking his dog on my route and time of coming home from work, and 4 times in his car or work van Either on my way into work (not his route) or of a weekend. For the whole 6m relationship we didn’t ‘run into each other’ like that. What do I do now?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 22, 2019 at 6:18 pm

      Hey Paige, consider what you have said, you need to do a real no contact where you do not speak with your ex for 30 days minimum, and that includes not replying if he reaches out to you. If his friends are watching your social media great, let them see how amazing you are and how happy your life is without your ex in it. Because thats the information you want your ex to hear from this, you do not want to appear desperate or upset that he has gone

  19. Lindsey

    December 20, 2019 at 5:32 pm

    Hi my name is Lindsey, my ex-broke up with me a couple months ago. We have been together for 5 years and we lived together for 1 year and a few months…He’s left the apartment the day of the breakup but only took his clothes with him. We have tried the no contact rule but I always find myself failing at it. He claims I’ve done nothing wrong and emphasizes how he likes his solitude. He prefers to be alone and he enjoys this. Yet he still wants to remain friends…what does this mean?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 21, 2019 at 10:13 pm

      Hey Lindsey so you need to do a no contact if you want to try and get your ex back. Him wanting to be friends is just dealing with his guilt of walking away from you without giving you a reason. Look up Chris posts about being the Ungettable Girl and apply that to your life where you can

  20. Sj

    December 18, 2019 at 10:11 pm


    I was with my ex gf for 8 years, we broke up end of October. Went into no contact and finally got to see her last week. We met up all week and it was good had fun, we hugged a lot, head in my neck and pulling my closer. she was close with me but said she couldn’t see us getting back together. Saturday we were texting loads, really laughing and lots of emotions. That night she went out all night and Sunday went cold with me. We barely spoke and she wasnt nice at all. Monday she heard I had spoken to a mutual friend and she went mad at me and told me we were done for good and never getting back together. Later that night she accidentally liked a 6 year old photo of us on Facebook. I’m back into nc, but i dont know where i stand and what to do next…..please help!!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 21, 2019 at 9:47 pm

      Hi Sj, so it sounds as if she is emotional about you when she was looking through the old photos so it is showing she is thinking about the past. But she also sounds as if she is “having fun” shall we say… so she could be going back and forth with what she wants and got angry that you spoke to a mutual friend who has then gone back to her and told her what you have said. We use the mutual friends to make the exes worried that you could be moving on, not that you are missing them and wanting them back. When you finish your no contact and assuming she is less emotional make it seem that you are less into her and that you are possibly dating

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