By Chris Seiter

Updated on June 9th, 2021

Wondering what you should do if your ex wants you back?

Then you are in the right place.

Today I’m going to use real life examples (of people I’ve worked with) to show you exactly how you should approach a situation where your ex is trying to get back with you.

I’ve even created a handy “flowchart” to outline the thought process for you.

Lets jump in and get started!

What To Do When Your Ex Wants You Back

Now, you may be looking at the flowchart above and scratching your head wondering how the heck you are supposed to make sense of it. Don’t worry, that’s what I am here for.

Ultimately the entire process can be broken up into four main parts,

  1. Determine If They Are Worth Taking Back
  2. If You Decide They Are Utilize Word Judo If They Ask For You Back Point Blank
  3. If You Aren’t Given That Opportunity Make Sure You Position Yourself To Be On Equal Terms
  4. Ask Your Ex Out When You Are Properly Positioned And When The Timing Is Right

Still confused?

Don’t sweat it, I’m going to go through the entire flow chart step by step and describe the thinking behind why you should take the specific actions outlined.

Ready to rock?

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1. Determine If Your Ex Is Worth Taking Back

Everything starts from this point.

If there was ever a make or break moment this is it.

So, how does this work?

Well, lets say that your ex is trying to get back with you and you aren’t sure if you want to take them back.

How should you know if they are worth taking back?

Ultimately, that’s a question you need to answer for yourself which is why I have two paths diverging from the ultimate question.

Now, that probably doesn’t help you much so I’m going to go a step further.

How would you like to know some of the signs you should keep an eye out for in your ex that inevitably lead to a successful relationship?

Signs In Your Ex That Lead To A Successful Relationship

I’ve been doing this a long time. Almost a decade to be exact. So, to say that I’ve seen a lot is an understatement. The thing that never ceases to amaze me is the fact that when women come to me and say,

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Hey my ex boyfriend wants me back, I’m thinking of taking him back

They never seem to consider future implications.

What do I mean by that?

Well, based on my own internal research I estimate about half of the people who I help get back together end up breaking up again.


Ultimately it boils down to the exact old habits that caused the demise of the relationship in the first place. In my experience change is really hard to come by. Let’s say that you broke up with your ex because of their insecure nature.

In the end, when weighing everything it just became too much,

However, after a few months you begin to regret your decision and when your ex wants to come back you end up taking him up on that offer.

At first, things are going great.

There hasn’t been any sign of your ex falling back into those old habits.

However, as the two of you continue to date you notice him slipping back into those insecure habits.

Ultimately it just becomes too much for you to bear and you break up with him again.

I see a variation of this happening every day.

Ultimately before you make the decision to take your ex back you should ask yourself one big question,

Are YOU and YOUR EX willing to enact SIGNIFICANT long lasting change?

If your answer is “no” to that question then I’d recommend reconsidering your bid of taking your ex back.

However, if your answer to that question is “yes” then we get to have some more fun together and I get to move down my flowchart.

2. Utilize Word Judo If They Ask For You Back Point Blank

When it comes to this topic the one question I get asked all the time is,

What do I tell an ex who wants to get back together with me?

Well, to properly answer that question I’m going to tell you a story about a conversation my wife and I had yesterday.

If you didn’t already know my wife and I coach people to help them get back with their exes. Anyways, my wife has been working with one client for the last few months and this person has made incredible strides in getting her ex back.

In fact, at one point her ex ever said to her,

“Do you ever think about getting back together with me?”

Now, most people would be jumping with joy and make no mistake about it, this particular woman was. The problem was that she had no idea on how to respond to it.

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She froze up because in that exact moment she didn’t know what to do.

Luckily that’s what I’m here for.

The smartest thing that she could have done in that moment was utilize something I like to call “word judo.”

What Is Word Judo And How Does It Relate When My Ex Wants Me Back?

I talk a lot about this concept in my program but I’ll elaborate on it for you here.

You are familiar with real judo, right?

It’s a type of martial art where you use your opponents weight against them and the end result some pretty incredible throws,

Look at the gif above.

From a starting position the woman in blue looks to be at a disadvantage. She is being pushed back by the woman in white. It’s only when the woman in white overcommits and leaves her arm available that the woman in blue takes it, uses her body weight against her and flips her.

Do you see how effortless it is for her?

That’s because the woman in blue is using her opponents weight against her and the gif above is the result.

So, how the heck does this apply to your ex?

Well, lets take up my example above with my wife’s client.

If you recall, that particular ex asked her,

Do you ever think about getting back together?

This is a very common way that an ex will go fishing to understand your thoughts about something. However, it’s also an opportunity for you to use their own words against them.

So, just like in judo, lets use these words to our advantage.

When asked,

“Do you ever think about getting back together?”

You should reply,

Of course, what’s stopping you?

This simple phrase puts your ex on the defensive and forces them to reveal their thoughts about the matter.

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It’s a brilliant way to approach the situation.

Like I said above, I talk a lot about this in my program and even go into greater detail about how this should properly be done. So, if you want more of an explanation then I suggest you check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.

Now, everything we talked about operates under the assumption that your ex is asking you out, in some way shape or form, point blank.

That doesn’t always happen.

In the case where your ex doesn’t ask you out, point blank, to your face we move on down the flow chart.

3. Make Sure You Position Yourself To Be On Equal Terms

When your ex wants you back but isn’t willing to ask you out point blank the chances are they aren’t doing it because they don’t view you as an equal.

Not a lot of people realize this but there are two elements that are essential if you are considering getting back together with your ex.

  1. Positioning
  2. Timing

Now, I’m going to talk about each of these elements in the next two sections but I figured I’d start first with positioning.

In business when you are negotiating it’s often the person with the most leverage that ends up with the best deal. The same thing is true when you are trying to get your ex back.

If you try to get your ex back without any type of leverage you are often going to fail.

So, in essence a lot of the upfront work you are doing is going to be about positioning. I actually talk about that concept in this video,

Now, when I talk about positioning what do you think I mean?

Well, I actually am talking about having your ex view you as an equal which shouldn’t seem like a challenge but believe me when I say that if your ex is the one that broke up with you then they are probably going around believing that they are above you.

I know it seems strange but believe me when I say that this is a thing.

Which leads me to my next point.

4. Ask Your Ex Out When You Are Properly Positioned And When The Timing Is Right

Above I mentioned that this process really boils down to two things.

  1. Positining
  2. Timing

We already talked a bit about how you need to position yourself as equals and how the best way to do that is to follow the simple 5 step process I have laid out here but what we haven’t talked about yet is the importance of timing.

Probably the biggest mistake that I see people make when they try to get their exes back is the fact that they rush the process because they are so eager to see results.

They end up trying to get their exes back when they aren’t positioned properly.

You are familiar with what an eclipse is, right?

It’s basically where the sun, the earth and the moon all align perfectly.

That alignment is essentially the same thing as positioning and when the positioning is perfect the timing is right for there to be an eclipse. Getting an ex back is very similar to this.

Oftentimes the timing to get an ex back isn’t right until you have positioned yourself properly.

In essence, everything needs to line up.

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