Warning Signs That Your Ex Boyfriend Wants YOU Back

Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO

This may be shocking to hear, especially after your ex treated you so poorly after your breakup, but he may secretly want you back. One of the most asked questions I get on this site, aside from “how do I get my ex back” is “how do I know that my ex boyfriend actually wants me back?” In this article I am going to take an in-depth look at the male psyche and try to give you a resource that you can refer to if you want to know if he wants you back. No, this is not an exact science but I have found that time and time again an ex who is really missing his girl exhibits the signs laid out on this page.

Side Note: If you are an avid reader of my site you may be thinking that this article is similar to the signs your ex still loves you. While I will admit that this article has a similar preface it is taking a much different approach and it is my goal to make this as informative as possible.

The Rundown Of This Page

Did you know that an ex will exhibit certain signs when he begins to want you back? This page is going to explore those signs essentially giving you a checklist to watch out for. Now, I am not going to pretend to know everything (because I don’t.) There may be signs that I left out of this page that he could exhibit and there may be signs on this page that he could exhibit (but still doesn’t want you back.) However, what I will tell you is that I have a lot of experience dealing with these situations so the signs that you see listed below will most likely mean your ex is seriously regretting his decision to not be with you. I will be covering things like

  • Understanding the male mind after a breakup.
  • The importance of anger and how to understand it.
  • And how the no contact rule fits into all of this.

Lets talk a little about what this page will not cover now. I know that I am known as the “breakup guy.” I am proud to announce that I have helped multiple women get back with their exes. However, this page doesn’t really talk about that too much. It is assumed that you want your ex back but all this page is designed to do is help you understand if HE wants YOU back. Now, if your are past that and just want to know exactly what to do to get him back then I would like to direct you to Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO, my E-Book. In there you can learn the exact steps you need to implement in order to get an ex back. I will leave a link below for you to click on but for now lets just dive right in to the warning signs ;).

Click Here For Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO

The Male Mind After A Breakup

male mind

I thought a great way to kick off this particular article was with a look at the male mind after a breakup. As many of you know I am a male so I can give a very unique perspective on how to get your ex back by getting inside the mind of your guy. Contrary to popular belief men do actually have feelings. Now, I would say that 95% of the people reading this are women. At your core you are very emotional creatures. You aren’t afraid to cry when you need to cry or feel when you need to feel. I have learned that women are very in touch with their emotions.

Funny story actually, I remember having a friend in high school (she was a girl) that was literally all over the place emotionally. She wouldn’t be afraid to cry in class or do any other overemotional things. The funny part was how fast she would bounce back after these emotional outbursts. You would see her an hour later and she would be carrying on like nothing happened. It always struck me as bizarre but as I thought more and more about it I began to realize that women are much better at handling their emotions than men are.

Sure, a guy can cry after a breakup but what I am talking about here goes much deeper than that. Men shun true emotions after a breakup. I can remember my own breakup a few years ago and how I handled it. I had been dating this girl for about 9 months and at the end it was really… rocky. I remember after we broke up I felt completely free. It felt like weights had been lifted off of my shoulders. I remember thinking “this isn’t so bad.” Of course, a few days later I began to realize just how bad a breakup can be as the emotions hit me. I didn’t know what to do with them. I had never felt the type of things I was experiencing.

Every guy has a different way of handling a breakup. Me, I became a recluse and just lost all my will to do anything fun. Other guys will create a defense mechanism that prevents any girl in the future from every penetrating it (George Clooney.) Of course, there is also the rebound guy that starts getting into new relationships immediately after your breakup.

Key Takeaways From This Section

  • Women know how to deal with emotions, men do not.
  • It can sometimes take a few days for the “emotions” to kick in for a guy after a breakup.
  • Every guy has a unique way of handling a breakup (defense mechanism, recluse, rebound.)

Anger Isn’t Always A Bad Thing

angry meme

Now we are diving into the meat of this article! There is a common misconception going around that I would like to take a moment to dispel.

Common Misconception- If your ex is angry it means he doesn’t want you back.


In fact, I would be more worried if your ex wasn’t angry with you in some way shape or form. Also, you have to keep in mind that sometimes your ex could be doing a phenomenal job at hiding his anger so I will admit that it isn’t always easy to tell if your boyfriend is angry at you. Anyways, back to the point here. Hate isn’t the opposite of love, apathy is.

You see, any time he displays any form of anger aimed towards you (yelling, talking bad about you to his friends, talking bad about you to you) women take it personally. I can understand why they take it personally too, after all, no one likes to be called a bit$% or get yelled at in the street. Nevertheless, lets try to take a deeper look into what is going through the mind of a man who is doing these types of things.

I will not lie to you, I have gotten into a shouting match with a girlfriend before. I have yelled at the top of my lungs and done some really horrible stuff. While I am certainly ashamed of these things I think I have found a way to put these horrible memories to use, by helping you out.

Any time I have done anything like this I have been extremely “emotionally invested” with the person I was talking to. I cared about them on a very deep level and because of that deep level every action that they performed was magnified. I wasn’t yelling because deep down I hated the person or never wanted to be with them again. I yelled because I cared about them in some twisted way.

I know, I know it is really twisted but that is literally how a guys mind works. So, that is the first sign I would say that you should look for to determine if your ex wants you back.

Key Takeaways From This Section

  • If your ex is angry with you it doesn’t mean he doesn’t want you back.
  • It can be tricky to tell if an ex is angry with you because some of them do a good job at hiding it.
  • Usually anger means your ex is emotionally invested in you.

How The No Contact Rule Can Work As A Warning Sign

no contact meme

If you are an avid reader of this website then you know that I am a huge fan of the no contact rule. In fact, sometimes I feel like a broken record repeating the same advice over and over. No contact rule this, no contact rule that. It may shock you to learn that the NC rule can actually be used as a test to see if your ex wants you back.

Men in general like to think very highly of themselves. However, when you add in the fact that he has a girl wanting him his ego can get really inflated. One of my best friends described this phenomenon perfectly. He would tell me that he used to go to the gym to please girls. He wanted a “hot” body so that girls would fall over themselves just to have a chance to be with him. He says that he remembers going to the gym and being pretty arrogant because he had the “fitness model” body. Now, keep in mind at this point my friend didn’t have a girlfriend this was just how he saw himself.

Of course, a few years later when he was in a relationship with a girl his trips to the gym were completely different. He walked around thinking he was a king. He was “preselected” by women and it gave him an ego you wouldn’t believe. In his mind he could do no wrong. He didn’t even have to work out anymore. A man feels like an absolute god when he knows there is a girl that likes him.

Now, lets apply this knowledge to your ex. At this point, it doesn’t matter who broke up with who. You want him back and chances are he knows it. This fact alone will inflate his ego to an extraordinary level because in his mind he has you wrapped around his finger.


no contact baby memeWhen you add in the no contact rule suddenly the dynamic changes. He is expecting you to call him a million times during the breakup, do the emotional dance and even get on your knees and beg for him to come back to you. Only if you do a strict no contact rule he begins to wonder why you aren’t doing what you are supposed to do in begging for him back. Soon, he begins to worry that you have moved on so he reaches out to you, only you don’t respond.

Oh, now he is getting angry. In his mind he is this god who can have any woman he wants (because he had you) and you have the audacity to ignore his call? Anger on his part during the no contact rule is the next warning sign. I know it sounds crazy. How can an upset ex be a good thing? Again, it means he is emotionally invested in what you think and do.

There are a few things I would still like to point out though. The warning sign here is only shown if HE initiates contact during the no contact period. So, he has to call you/text you/facebook you/email you and then YOU have to ignore him. His reaction to you ignoring him is the sign for him wanting you back. The more upset he gets the more your value rises to him. I know that sounds weird, I mean, I am basically saying you want your ex to get upset. However, lets look at it on a logical level.

If he is this upset by your freeze out during the no contact rule we know that it means he is emotionally invested in you. It’s important that you don’t engage him because you want the dynamic to be that you are in control at all times. Him always having to work to get you will kind of turn him on a little bit because guys always want what they can’t have. Also, if he realizes that he is constantly chasing or having to work to get you your value will raise in his eyes. Instead of being the crazy ex girlfriend you will be the one that got away.

Pssstt… (Men always want the one that got away!)

Key Takeaways From This Section

  • In order for this warning sign to manifest you have to implement the no contact rule which you can learn more about here.
  • Men have big egos to start with but when they know they are “preselected” by girls their ego shoots through the roof.
  • If your ex boyfriend gets upset at you during the NC rule for not responding to him it means he is emotionally invested.
  • The more upset he gets during the NC period the more your value will rise to him.

Moving On A Little Quickly Now Aren’t We?

moving on meme

Men deal with breakups in all kinds of different ways. I actually alluded to this at the beginning of the article but I really didn’t go too far in-depth because I knew I was going to be talking about it here. Well, perhaps I should be a little more specific, I am going to be talking about one particular way that men deal with a breakup that is a surefire warning sign that he is not over you yet and may want you back in the future.

I hear a lot of stories every single day. As I am writing this article I am looking at my un-moderated comments. Shockingly, it is kind of low as there are only 33 I haven’t answered yet. Now, I can make you one guarantee about these 33 comments. When I do get to them later tonight there will be one or two that sound like this:

Chris, my ex and I dated for three years. We broke up a week ago but I wish I had found your site earlier because I have made so many mistakes that you say not to make. I called him too much and basically begged to get him back. I am afraid I scared him off because now he is dating this other girl….

Every single day I literally have a comment that looks like that. While I am absolutely thrilled to be getting these types of comments so early in this sites history I sometimes feel like some people don’t read what I am recommending and just decide to comment. But that is besides the point.

The point is that I chose this particular type of comment to discuss in this section because it is a potential warning sign that your ex boyfriend is not over you. As I said, every guy has a different way of dealing with a breakup. This particular type of guy immediately goes on the prowl looking for a woman to take away his pain.

Instead of doing the smart thing and letting a certain amount of time to go by, so he can heal, he tries to replace the hole in his heart with someone else, someone new. In the relationship industry we like to call this a “rebound relationship.” That is your sign. If he very quickly moves on after your relationship it is going to hurt you no doubt. However, you need to take a step back and look at things in a more “big picture” perspective. In most cases, rebound relationships don’t last. Don’t believe me? Take a look at the article I linked to above.

Key Takeaways From This Section

  • Men have different ways of dealing with breakups.
  • One of the most common ways is to go on the prowl for girls to fill the hole that you left in his heart.
612 Responses to Warning Signs That Your Ex Boyfriend Wants YOU Back
  1. Elisa
    April 14, 2014 | 3:30 pm

    So me and my ex dated for 4 years and a half, he was going back and forth to me saying he didn’t know how he felt. He just didn’t feel the same anymore and he didn’t want to force it either. I Know that he had been having contact with a women from work that I always questioned but he said that she was just a friend so I believed him. After that he started being distant. Until finally 3 days ago he decided that he wanted the “single life” and just didn’t want to keep dragging me with him coming back to me. He says there is no women but I clearly saw it on my phone that the same day we broke up he was contacting that lady. ( keep on mind he was under my phone contract) so I got mad and disconnected his phone that same day. And now I find myself lost because he changed his number. I mean we did have our ups and downs but we always tried to work through things. And now I feel like I don’t know what to do. /: I miss him a lot and I love him so much more. We were eachothers first love because we were both juniors in high school when we got together. I want him to come back but I don’t know what I can do because he changed him number..
    Please help.

  2. Emily
    April 14, 2014 | 11:40 am

    Hi Chris
    Why would an ex, who broke up with me almost a year ago, suddenly message me? One night in February he randomly mailed me on Facebook and we’ve been talking every day since really, but only 1 message a day, not more than that or I’m concious of looking needy. We’re both young and didn’t even date for more than a few months, but now he’s speaking to me with the same flirty tone he did before he asked me out, bearing in mind after the breakup, HE would ignore me even though he broke up with me for no reason.
    Help, I don’t know what he’s doing?!

  3. Blablaa
    April 13, 2014 | 7:26 pm

    hello, im Trisya. my boyfriend broke up with me about a month ago. 2weeks plus before the breakup we were still good together. we still texted each other in a flirty way like how we always did. just that we didnt talk that often anymore in that one month before the breakup. like i said, we still talked 2 weeks before the breakup , but as the conversation ended, he didnt talk to me at all for 2 weeks. i didnt try to talk to him because it was me who started the last few conversations with him. i felt like i was the only one trying so i stopped. i wanted him to put some effort to talk to me like how i did. so i waited for 2 weeks. couldnt stand that anymore so i finally talked to him. as the conversation goes we started talking bout our relationship and i asked why didnt he talk to me. and he gave me quite a ridiculous answer. he said by not talking to me, he expect that i would slowly forget about him and get to someone better. he said that he doesnt deserve me, and that i could be happier with somebody. but we were still together, how could he do that without ending the relationship properly. i didnt even know he was planning to do that. what if i didnt talk to him how long he wouldve dragged this on? thats the thing he did that i can never understand. he made everything seemed like he was doing it only for me. but i knew it wasnt. i knew he was doing it for himself too. so as we were discussing he just suddenly stopped replying. and thats how we ended it. 5 days later we were attending an event together with other friends we both knew. he texted me after that event. i was so angry to how he could still act like nothing happened after leaving me hanging in the middle of a discussion bout our feelings and relationship, so i ignored him the whole day, which i never did before. that night itself he texted me again saying he was sorry and that i could never understand why he did that. he prayed for my forgiveness. and then replied him, after a while we started talking like normal again as a friend. after it ended we didnt talked for another 2 weeks again until i changed my whatsapp dp, he messaged me again complimenting how beautiful i looked in my new dp. so we talked for a day like normal friend again until the convo becomes a lil boring and he just stopped replying again. and a few days after that we were attending another event together with our friends. (i changed my hairstyle and dyed it) soon after the event ended, he messaged me again complimenting my new hairstyle and colour. again, we talked and still, he flirts a bit at times in the convo. he went asking did i come with this guy friend im really close with to the event that morning. i told him yes since we were staying really close to each other. (he stays really close to me too) and suddenly his replies became different and he started to reply short and late. and i did the same. at the end he just stopped replying me. i never understood why. i didnt even understand why he keep coming back and leave. what does he actually wants. he hurt me and left, then made me feel like he wants me back, then left and leave me hanging like that again. sometimes he makes me feel like he still cares about me but sometimes he makes me feel like he doesnt give a shit about me.i dont know what to do :(

  4. Patricia
    April 12, 2014 | 7:36 pm

    Hello, I’m Patricia, I’m 15, and I had recently been hurt by a very perplexing and confusing breakup… I really need advice, I’ve tried to find things on the internet that may help, but it doesn’t work.
    Basically, what happened, was my boyfriend broke up with me out of nowhere from being together for about 5 or 6 months. His name is Gage and he’s a few weeks younger than me. I came home crying after school because it hurt that he would do that in the morning at school, so I was depressed and emotion-ridden throughout the day. The next day, I didn’t want anything to do with him, but I found out he lied to me, that he liked this other girl, Janica for a while, so I came home crying once again. That day, after school, I had gotten sick out of nowhere, so I stayed home from school the next day, and almost took it as a personal day, my parents thought I was faking my sickness because of him, but I wasn’t. Gage messaged me on Facebook, and asked if I was alright, I told him what had happened, he told me on Monday he wanted to remain friends, but I agreed anyway, even if I hadn’t been friends with an ex before.
    Spring break had come up that following week, he was now in a relationship with Janica, and I was alone to pick up my strained emotions. He said that he was just seduced by her, and that he apologizes for leaving me. So Spring break turned into a dramatic week (I was feeling a bit better now). Gage told me he still loved me and I apologized for not being good enough. I came to the conclusion that I just wasn’t the type of girl he wanted. He kept saying how he has mixed feelings for Janica and I, saying he wanted both of us, but he knew he couldn’t. He said how he was trying to get her mad so she would break up with him so he could be with me again.
    The next week after Spring break, we came back to school, he got lovey-dovey with me over Facebook, even while still in a relationship with Janica, that night, he asked me to meet him somewhere before school to kiss him, because he said he missed me and needed to kiss me again, but I knew I shouldn’t have done that, because he didn’t break up with her, he keeps saying he loves her, but I can see she doesn’t treat him well. He doesn’t like cheating, but he kissed me twice throughout his relationship with Janica so far. I finally told him how I felt after he asked me if I was holding back. I told him that I felt like we were meant to be (we have had a number of corresponding dreams, even after the break up), even after a few weeks, he had “moved on” so quickly, but it still hurts for me. I also told him that I had a feeling that he and Janica wouldn’t last very long, he said he wanted to be with me again once she left him, but I also had a feeling he would not get back with me. I had found out on the day before we broke up, he cheated on me with her, so she’s more sexual and seductive than I am. They have already had sex. I’m still a virgin, and he wanted to have sex. I just told him that I would be there for him as a friend. He told me that he still trusts me more than his friends and (I’m assuming) his girlfriend. He wants me to wait for him, but I don’t want to always be the one that waits for the other person. I asked him how he would feel if our situations were switched, and he said he would be pissed off that another guy took my virginity, which I honestly thought was a bit obsessive when he said that, because I wouldn’t be his anymore in the first place.
    I would really love advice on this perplexing situation of mine, I can give you updates and details if you ask for them. Please help o.o I don’t know if I’m handling this very maturely or not.

    • admin
      April 13, 2014 | 4:37 pm

      How much older was he than you?

      • Patricia
        April 13, 2014 | 7:46 pm

        I was older than him by just a few weeks

  5. Lu
    April 12, 2014 | 11:37 am

    I’m getting my things back from my ex today I’ve played it cool on the text front so far but I will implement the NC rule after this at the time that was what keeping us in contact after today they’re will be nothing this is the 2nd break up for us he’s said for me to move on as he doesn’t know what he wants in life but when he knew I was asked out on a date he got funny with me I’m confused
    can the NC rule help again like it did the first time?

  6. elisabeth
    April 12, 2014 | 5:32 am

    hello! my boyfriend and Had talked for a year before we started dating. we moved in together last summer, and lived with each other for three in a half months. he then had to move away for hockey until this summer and we had done long distance for 8 months. we had our fights, our jealous moments and our controlling moments but other then that each time I visited we were great. two months ago he had called me and told me he cheated on me and brought up some things he had lied about. I was so hurt I broke up with him and rebounded. he called my parents crying and begging for their forgiveness, he stopped playing hockey, he sent me flowers and wrote letters and then got a tattoo for me. when I visited he got on his knees and begged me to be with him. I took him back, returned home and we were working on fixing things. I was supposed to move to where he was four weeks ago. he called me one morning and broke up with me saying he hasn’t wanted me for months and we aren’t right for each other and that were toxic. i went there and we were normal and hooking up and then one night told me to catch a flight back. the night before my flight I had him hugging me and crying on my shoulder saying he was sorry: I came home three weeks ago. in the past three weeks he has messaged me about a dozen times, he keeps telling me he wants to be friends. we are moving to the same city in 9 days and have the same friend group. he says he wants to go for coffee when we are both there. I told him I wanted more than a friendship or nothing at all and he got mad at me telling me he wants me in his life. he kept saying he’s not closing his mind off to a future with me and he has an open mind for anything to happen. so I said why can’t we try now is there a chance we will get back together if we’re friends. and then he said he doesn’t think there is a chance. so again I said I can’t be friends and he told me he never once said there was zero chance for us ever again and keeps mentioning the future. I’m so confused as to what he wants and where his head is… I know what he did was wrong and I shouldn’t want him but I just want us to fix things and take a second chance at being together.

  7. Lor
    April 12, 2014 | 5:13 am

    Hi Chris,

    After my ex forced my hand to dump him (because he started being interested in another woman, I cut him off entirely, although it ended amiably. On the very last day of NC, Day 30, he texts me saying “I hope this isn’t inappropriate, but I wanted to see how you are doing?”

    Technically, there’s been no time for me to “ignore” him because he didn’t say anything for almost ALL of NC.
    How/when should I respond if I DO want him back?

  8. Sasha Jackson
    April 12, 2014 | 1:50 am

    My boyfriend of almost a year broke up with me for no apparent reason. We had a great relationship, no arguments and we got along amazing. I feel the break up was rash and that he maybe panicked due to how our relationship progressed. Anywho when he broke up with me he told me he still wanted me in his life and vice versa and also that he may want us to get back together, so I did agree to become friendly toward him just so I wouldn’t burn any bridges. But I started feeling like he may be stringing me along so I read your book and articles and decided to try it out. Now I’m doing the No Contact and I would have been on day 3 but I felt bad and when he texted me yesterday I responded back after 2 hours of holding out. For this no contact period is there a shorter time frame I can respond instead of going the full 30 days?

  9. Confused
    April 10, 2014 | 1:50 pm

    So I was seeing this guy as fwb months back for 3 months, it was more than fwb but not a relationship, it ended badly and we parted our ways. We had not spoken, seen each other any contact for 3 months.

    He sends me a message through fb seeing how I am doing. I had deleted everything of his inclusive of numbers and photos.
    I was quite shocked. I replied and we eventually met up after an exchange of messages and he had kept my number and all of our pics etc we had taken and I stayed over as a friend.

    I am confused as wondering why he has all of a sudden re entered my life and asked at least over 8 times if I had hooked up with anyone while we were not seeing eachother. I on the other hand didnt care and never asked him.

    I have not contacted him since this happened its been one day.

    I am unsure of his motives and if I ignore him will that just make him more keen?

  10. Ellen
    April 8, 2014 | 7:52 pm

    Ok everyone my name is Ellen.I know my bf(Jeffrey) for 4 years going on 5 year’s as friends . We started dating Aug 7 2013 when he got the courage to ask me out . This came as a shock since I did friend zone him . But we dated everything was ok til he broke up with me through text on Nov 28 2013 2 weeks later . We got back because I offered a fwb relationship . He agreed but on February he told me he didn’t want a fwb because we were technically in a relationship and I’m his gf . He explained that the previous break up was because he wanted to date a co worker she said no and he knew he was going to go back with me . The relationship grew over time that eventually he said I love you and we had established a really good foundation. So good he kept telling me what happens at his friends(which I call the man cave ) and what they talk about. But recently he broke up with me through text saying ” babe I want to break up , I know we’re not together but I just want some alone time. I’m deleting your number so contact me through email.
    Instead of being angry at the moment I thought that’s how he feels I shouldn’t feel angry about it . So I wrote ” ok if that’s what you want fine but don’t think I will trust you again or take you back easily” . Basically after March 30 I read your article and did the no contact rule . Only to break it while I was near his job hanging out with my friend . I texted him on April 2 “hey I’m on a date but I still miss you” thinking jealousy will work and he will respond afterwards he didn’t respond and I haven’t text him at all . I’m feeling so horrible because resentment and the fact we didn’t have a closure . Why end something that was good . We had the relationship that when we went somewhere I didn’t have to tell him what I wanted he knew . Instead I’ve put all my focus on yoga and my friends . But today I want to email him I miss the happy moments we both shared and yes it hurts how a friendship along with relationship ended . So advice should I contact him If yes how without being desperate or needy.

    • admin
      April 10, 2014 | 1:41 am

      How much time do you have left on NC?

      • Ellen
        April 10, 2014 | 2:09 am

        Chris its 21 days lef and I feel really upset even if I’m keeping active. Started on March 30 2014 but had to start over on April 2 because I texted him I said “I was on a date but I still missed him” .I have 9 days today but it’s very hard not to text or email I’ve been able to talk myself out by calling someone else or texting another friend.The problem is when we broke up he didn’t give me a legitimate reason for the break up and no red flags. I want to communicate with him but I know the no contact is 30days even more depending on time needed to focus mentally on me . I just want to ask why he broke up with me without seeing needy.

        • Ellen
          April 10, 2014 | 2:14 am

          Lol misspelled left lol Chris what if the guy doesn’t contact the female (me) during or after the no contact rule???

          • admin
            April 11, 2014 | 3:38 am

            No biggie, I still recommend you make first contact after NC no matter what.

            NC could still be working he is just too proud to show you its affecting him.

            • Ellen
              April 11, 2014 | 1:14 pm

              Thanks Chris

  11. Faith
    April 7, 2014 | 10:01 pm

    Chris, I have a weird situation :/ I started dating this guy about 2 months ago. He did everything to signify we were in a relationship to go so far as holding hands in front of our friends. Asking people to take pictures of us. He even bought me an expensive ticket to a concert several months from now. He changed his profile picture on Facebook to us and he made sure everyone knew we were an item but 4 days ago he told me he doesn’t really want a relationship and he likes being single and doing his own thing. He told me it was too much too fast.

    I’m frustrated because I was following his lead. I wasn’t pushing for anything more. I didn’t change my profile picture and I didn’t expect him to make us an item to our friends. After trying to figure out where he was coming from through a series of texts (just asking him “so much so fast?” etc) he ended up not responding to my last one. saying “I’m ok with being single. I like hanging out with you and having fun with you. Maybe we should take a step back and see?” His roommate told me he said he didn’t want to break up with me. But he’s not talking to me either.

    I saw him Friday night with our group of friends. He came straight to first and I gave him a friendly hug. He kissed me on the forehead. He sat next to me and was elbowing me and so I asked him what was up lightheartedly and he said nothing. We were in close proximity all night though.. and our mutual friend came and told me that when I country swing danced with other guys he would get a mad look and turn his back on the dance floor. I pretty much did my own thing all night and gave him his space.

    Saturday night we were at the same place. I saw him again and again he came and found me. He gave me a hug and then when I sat back down he looked at me like he wanted to say something like 4 times and then just walked away. I left him alone then as well. I know he was really burned in the past by a girl who cheated on him with his best friend. I know he moves slow and I’ve tried to give him his space but I have no clue where we stand. Sunday he commented on my facebook status which he doesn’t usually do and I responded cordially and shortly.

    Our friends and one of his close friends since 3rd grade say I should “wait for him” and to just do my own thing for now. So I’ve implemented the no contact rule. But it’s driving me insane not knowing where we stand or what’s going on if he doesn’t consider us split up. Is there something I should do first before implementing this rule or just not contact him and see if he comes around and wants to talk? Please PLEASE help me. It’s driving me insane.

    • admin
      April 8, 2014 | 5:40 pm

      Wait, this is a little confusing to me. It seems like he acted like you were his girlfriend. However, are you saying that he never officially said it to you?

      • Faith
        April 8, 2014 | 5:49 pm

        He said that we were definitely in a relationship and exclusive but that he didn’t like titles. He said that, ” You can call me whatever you want to call me but I don’t like labels. We are definitely together and I don’t share.” He did tell his roommate he didn’t want to “break up” so I’m assuming he considered us in a relationship?

      • Faith
        April 8, 2014 | 5:52 pm

        I also should clarify that I did not have the talk with him. I just could sense that something was different so I asked him what was up and his response was “Just life. I like doing my own thing sometimes. I don’t really want a relationship. I’m okay being single. There’s nothing really wron with what was going on I’m just not wanting so much so fast I guess.”

      • Faith
        April 8, 2014 | 6:04 pm

        But I just realized that just because we are “definitely together” doesn’t necessarily mean “relationship” :/

  12. Demi
    April 6, 2014 | 7:30 pm

    Hey. My boyfriend broke up with me months ago. I got over him, I texted him once and I read the No Contact rule…Bad idea. His resonse to my text was 13 phone calls in total and than I got an angry text message sayinh he never wanted me, that I had a pigshead and that I shouldn’t be getting my hopes up. Which I’m not, ever. I just wanted answers. We’re in the same class. At the time of the phone calls he allready had a new gf. But now he looks at me in class, I sit side ways so I noticed him looking at me. It doesn’t cause an emotional reaction, it used to but not anymore. He avoids me and got angry because of the text but he had a new gf after a week…

  13. Please reply to this; I'm confused
    April 6, 2014 | 3:31 pm

    What if the guy already wants me back?
    I’m in a long distance relationship since summer 2013 (we can’t see each other very often). I’ve been in NC for 32 days after 4 days of breaking up (he deleted me from FB and I told him he lost me forgood for doing this). After 32 days of NC I sent him a message on Facebook. After a week he added me on FB and immediately told me to Skype with him (which I didn’t give in the first hour but did eventually after he pursued me more).
    On Skype, he played it cool at first but then repeatedly asked me if there’s another guy in my life. I was hesitant to reply, but told him after his few attempts for asking, that I’m not into a guy right now. Then he told me that he will call me back after he eats his sandwich. And when he called me again, he became very flirty with me. I told him off by telling him to stop this and he agreed. Our conversation led to him telling me that there was no girl in his life after he met me and that I am the only girl he wants to be with. I asked him why he came back, he told me he misses me. He also told me what he likes about me (pure, kind, sweet), and vice versa: I didn’t see the same things in other guys as I saw in you. [he's my first bf btw]. I told him: our breakup was all my fault, you are a very good guy and loyal etc, and that I was very happy / satisfied when we were together, but I can’t be with you anymore, because of the hurt. He listened to me the entire time, talked in a calm voice, and apologized for hurting me before saying goodnight.
    2 days later, I called him and asked him if he’s available tonight. We agreed to talk that night. He called me during the night, and became flirty… but I resisted him again… I think it left him pretty an awkward feeling because he is a spoiled rich guy and I am the only girl who never did something he wanted, even when he begged me to. I didn’t give in to his extreme flirts because I was secretly planning to SLOWLY build the attraction before we meet up. But he was going way too fast for me, he told me he will call me again (after using a lame excuse for hanging up) before he hung up.
    It has been two weeks since our last awkward conversation. I think he’s into me, but he hasn’t contacted me. I am confused, should I make the first move or don’t because he told me he’ll call? I really do love him and really do want him in my life again.
    This makes me hesitant to contact him because he usually didn’t reply to me (or really late; up to the point where it didn’t matter to me anymore) when I contacted him. And no, I was not clingy. When I contacted him first after the 32 days of NC, he didn’t contact me for a week and that hurt me. I don’t want to contact him if it makes me look like a fool.
    Thank you very much, Chris… for your awesome blog!

  14. lina
    April 6, 2014 | 2:21 pm

    Hi, i just want to confide my feelings.me and my husband separated 3 years ago.he got a baby and a girlfriend already. after 1 yr and half i tried to contact him through email to meet. he didn’t know that I know already that he have a baby. after meeting over lunch,he confided to me that he have a baby. I just pretend to be cool and tell him that I know.he was a bit teary eyed. I re assured him I accepted it already. During our conversation,we just talk about our past lives. That we are 10 years in a relationship and he wouldn’t forget about me.By the away Im working overseas. It’s one of the reason why we broke up..long distance and trust issues.
    Going back,we started to become friends in our conversation.he ask about what is my hobby and what thing i do. then we drink beer and I become too dizzy already.he was beside me only and started to hold my hand and looking at my hand. I was feeling a bit happy that somehow we reminisce our time together.
    I just want to know if my ex already move on?

  15. Hannah
    April 6, 2014 | 4:21 am

    Hi, im Hannah and i was wondering how the no contact rule would work if you go to school with your ex. Im a senior in highschool and we have two classes together during the day we dont sit next to eachother as tht has been tried but we eventually had to be moved because we talked to much. Then after school our parent usually dont pick us up till late so we end up talking. How am i supposed to cut off communication with him then? And also I broke up with hin because we were to young and we talked about it and he said that he got rejected by me too many times and he lost the feeling he had before for me. What do i do then? Do I still have a chance? We go way back into 2nd grade and have had on and off relationships none of which were serious or lasted for a long time but we know now tht we want a serious long lasting relationship but word around town hes crushing on someone us but flirting hard with me. Idk what theese mixed signals mean I NEED ADVICE!!!!!!

    • admin
      April 6, 2014 | 5:24 pm

      It can be extremely effective. However, the thing you have to understand is that sometimes you may have to go into limited contact.

      • Hannah
        April 8, 2014 | 12:18 am

        How do i do that? Also do I still have a chance with him?

  16. Tina
    April 6, 2014 | 3:21 am

    Hi so my boyfriend of 4 months broke up with me 6 days ago. He went on a school trip over the spring break (2 weeks), and came back saying he thought about us and he didnt have feelings for me anymore and i wasnt special anymore. It was a totally shocker because he never showed signs of this and right when he came back he was just over me. I asked him if there was someone else and he said no.I asked around some of friends and they said that he did buy stuff for me on that trip, so something must have happened, but everyone says nothing did happen. So for about 4 days after i started messaging him a bit and just getting us to talk, and i said us talking helped me cope with the break up so he said ok a little bit a day. on day 4 of talking he messaged me first, saying that a girl asked him out to the school dance (which is on my birthday btw), so it of course broke my heart yet again. Then i found this page and is on day 2 of the NC rule. yesterday he messaged me saying hello because i ignored him for a day. I did everything the page said about using facebook to the most of my abilities and having an awesome pic of me and showing around my social life. But im worried that the NC wont work fully because we have class with each other and see each other all the time. so question 1. maintain minimal contact in class? 2. should i go to the dance and celebrate my birthday and “show off a bit” to him and his date? 3. does he really miss me? because he is a bit of the jealous type, but when we broke up i asked if we could go on a break and he said “those things never work” and he wanted the full stop. 4. is he only messaging me to make me feel better because he knows im hurt, and i did say talking helped me cope.

    please respond and help thanks!

  17. Brittney
    April 5, 2014 | 12:03 pm

    Hi! My boyfriend and I broke up in December. We lived together and were together for 3 years. The break up wasn’t mutual by any means but we had gotten to a place that was unhealthy (there was no cheating involved). I did no contact with him for 2 months, until he contacted me because he had heard that I was seeing someone (which I wasn’t). We texted and talked here and there and even hung out a few times over a three week period (which we agreed to have no expectations) It was honestly great! It showed us both the couple that we used to he before all of the drama started. It was also clear that We both have been working on ourselves to fix some of the things in ourselves that helped to cause our breakup. In the end, he called me to tell me that he felt like we needed to stop talking because it had been all consuming for him and he wasn’t able to focus on things he still needed to do. He said It felt like it was too soon and he wasn’t ready to be back in a relationship. He was afraid the changes we both had made weren’t permanent and he needed more time to heal from the breakup, but that there was definitely still something there between us. He even said if I met someone else I shouldn’t hold back because if we were to get back together everything in the meantime wouldn’t matter.
    I guess I’m struggling because we did have such a good time and I’m not looking to rush into anything either. Since that conversation he has texted me once or twice but not anything of importance really. So, do I go back to no contact? I asked him if he was seeing someone else and he said no. Very confused!

    • admin
      April 6, 2014 | 5:08 pm

      Well take things slow. It sounds like you are slowly progressing. Just keep doing what you are doing. I think you keep trying to build that rapport up.

      • Brittney
        April 18, 2014 | 12:22 pm

        Hi Chris! So…it’s been a couple weeks now…and we haven’t had any contact. I haven’t contacted him because he said he needed more time. But, he hasn’t contacted me either…should I be worried? A mutual friend of ours told me that my ex has made numerous comments that “if we were to get back together, he knows he would have to propose sooner or later…so he wants to be absolutely sure” Should I continue with no contact, or is this situation hopeless and I need to move on?

        Thanks for your help :)

        • admin
          April 18, 2014 | 3:59 pm

          Yup continue with NC.

  18. Dorie
    April 4, 2014 | 3:08 pm

    Hey, your page is great I wish it applied to me because it really doesn’t. However, I see that you are very experienced and know what you are talking about so I was wondering if you could help me in my situation.

    My ex broke up but said he wanted to stay friends so I said I would think about it and he said to text him when I was ok. I haven’t texted him because I want to apply the no contact rule. BUT, what if me not contacting him gets his ego up because it might show that I’m not okay thats why I haven’t contacted him. Should I text him? Honestly, I want him back.

  19. Amber
    April 3, 2014 | 1:41 pm

    I have a quick question about the No Contact rule and someone moving out. A week ago, my boyfriend and I of 5 years split up. Its very hard, Ive been in a lot of pain… we never fought, we never cheated on each other, he couldnt figure out what he wanted in his life and said he was just confused and went to go “find himself.” He tried this last year and ended up not going anywhere because he said he could never leave me, he loved me too much, etc etc. I forgave him and told him he could never hurt me like that again. EXACTLY, almost to the date, a year later, he did the same thing. I feel like he did it because 1.) he didnt get it out of his system the first time and 2.) he hasnt had a job in a year and I feel like by me paying for everything- groceries, bills, everything- it made him feel insignificant and he slipped into depression. Basically, this time, he moved out- I told him to- I told him I didnt want to look at his stuff everyday while he kept me in limbo, so we just split completely. Well, he has become very BITTER and when he comes over to get his things, he acts like he doesnt even know me. Its very hurtful. I try to keep my cool while he is here gathering his things. My question is… he goes a couple days without contacting me and then usually gets in touch on the 2nd day to let me know he is coming to get his stuff. When I am here, and I see him, it really sets me back in my progress. Im ready to just not see him for a month, Im ready for him to just miss me (he says he still loves me very much), but that will not happen and I feel like this will not give us the space he needs if he keeps coming over to get things. When he contacts me every other day JUST TO ASK FOR SOMETHING, is he doing it as a way of reminding me? I want to pack the rest of his stuff and put it in boxes and have him come pick it up but I dont want to have ANY contact with him. Last night, he removed me from instagram but kept me on facebook (I guess he just got tired of seeing pictures of me- which im taking as a sign it is uncomfortable him seeing me). He is hiding his emotions so well.

    • admin
      April 4, 2014 | 5:03 pm

      How old were you guys? Was there a plan for a future? Like marriage? 5 years is a long time after all.

  20. dineo
    April 3, 2014 | 7:54 am

    hi my ex bf broke up with mi 10months ago n i stil fil i want a relationship with him. the cause of the break up was because he got another girl pregnant which is my fault coz i used to drive him away. we did nt hav good communication. i constantly text him after a break up bt he did nt reply. four months after we broke up we meet at club n we slept together bt after 4dys he didnt reply my text after we slept together. 2months after that he text mi saying he mises mi that we hav to talk and i told him i was nt interested coz i didnt want to make de same mistke. now he saw mi wth a guy at the club and i saw that he wanted to talk n fix things. a day after that i text him sying i mic him den he reply after four days said he mic mi two den wen i ask him wen cn wi mit, he didnt reply til now. help mi i dnt knw wht to do anymo.

    • admin
      April 4, 2014 | 4:55 pm

      Have you tried NC yet?

  21. Anna
    April 2, 2014 | 3:08 am

    I have been in a relationship for over three years with my daughters father. We were currently engaged. Stuff happens to where we weren’t getting along anymore an started fighting everyday. We live together still, my sons dad ( my ex) recently started getting into the picture again. He wants to be apart of his sons life an the feelings I used to have for him are starting to come back. I’m in a predicament because I live an hour away from him. My daughters father realized that I was talking to my ex again an he started being nice to me again which is something I wanted years ago. He has realized that I might go back with my sons dad. I’m just confused on what to do becAuse I care about both of them but with my daughters father he is acting the way i wish he would have a long time ago. My sons dad says he wants me to be hAppy an will do anything it takes to get me back. He admits that he messed up an realizes what he lost and wants a second chance. I don’t know whether to drop what I have (which honestly is my job I’ve had for three years) and move back down there or to try and work it out with my previously engaged fianc√© .

  22. N
    April 1, 2014 | 8:47 pm

    PLEASE HELP ME! Hi, My ex and i were together 5 years and we had a wonderful relationship. He did everything for me, helped me in any way he could, we were very affectionate and loving, and bestfriends. We were great with the exception of him having a female best friend who was very intrusive and i felt crossed the line of respect so we primarily fought about her. She is the type that only goes after guys with girlfriends and pretends to be their “best friends” (its almost a game for her to get with guys with girlfriends). After he agreed to never speak to her again, he moved to another country to be with me we had a wonderful relationship and were really in love in our new town. Everyone would tell me how much he would talk about me and how much he loved me. Two years later, I caught him lying to me about going to meet up with her once again (one-on-one) so I had to break it off. he tried to get me back for about 6 months until i gave him one last chance. That chance lasted two weeks and i broke up with him for good after he started acting really mean, distant, and caught him lying about his whereabouts. The DAY after our breakup, he started dating the female best friend and has been with her for nearly 4 months. Shortly after our breakup, I was very ill and in the hospital and he told me he didn’t care and to find someone else to bring me my extra house key (that he had at the time). He has been absolutely cruel and evil to me during any brief contact we have had since our breakup. He will leave every place he sees me immediately, avoids all places I go, and pretends i don’t exist. Do you think he really has wanted to date this girl during our whole 5 years? why didnt he date her after I broke up with him initially? we really did have a wonderful relationship until he changed during the last year. I’m so hurt over this and its effecting my life. Please help me.. is he really over me? Why do you think he’s treating me this way?

    • admin
      April 2, 2014 | 5:28 pm

      I don’t think he wanted to date her the whole five years. Maybe he got a little bored towards the end. Do you think?

      • N
        April 2, 2014 | 11:56 pm

        well i just don’t get why he couldn’t have let her go from his life 5 years ago so our relationship could have been free of her drama..and i would have trusted him. that’s all i ever asked of him! I think near the end we both got tired of fighting because non of his stories added up. I just couldn’t believe he wouldn’t bring me my key when i was sick in the hospital a week after the breakup…especially since we were so loving for most of our 5 years. makes me think he didn’t care the entire time. I just find it so confusing why he’s being so cruel and acts like i don’t exist

  23. Hannah
    March 31, 2014 | 7:04 pm

    My ex and I broke up yesterday over a really ridiculous thing. He was basically jealous over a calendar event on my phone. Which is all due to my phone synching anything on Facebook. Anyway, we was meant to go away that day but he got mad and called me names and said he doesn’t want to go away anymore. So to avoid being hurt by his name calling I went. Now he blames me for ruining what could of been a lovely weekend. When it was him who said he is absolutely not going anymore. Not he’s saying he hasn’t loved me for a while and keeps blocking me number and unblocking it. He keeps on telling me it’s over for good like I don’t already know? He will just make sure it in there somewhere for me to hear again. Anyway, I simply rang to see if I was still unblock and he is just being greatly cruel and telling me to leave and blocked me again. I just don’t get his motives. He’s telling me I haven’t cared or loved him like I used too yet its me doing all the chasing? I have block him now. But I regret it incase he’s tried texting or calling. Which I probably already know he hasn’t. What should I do? I feel so pathetic asking this but I literally have no idea whether or not he’s just trying to hurt me by telling me or this or its genuine. if it’s genuine then I’ll leave but if not I’m still holding on somehow.

    • admin
      April 1, 2014 | 4:51 pm

      My gut says he is trying to hurt you.

  24. Adrienne
    March 31, 2014 | 4:40 pm

    I’ve sent my ex boyfriend multiple texts telling him I miss him and love him, but he doesn’t acknowledge the statement and never responds by telling me he misses me. It’s only been a week since we broke up.

    I let my guard down last Wed and agreed to meet him at his place. My motive for agreeing to see him were because I missed and loved him. After I arrived we ended up in the bedroom. I felt taken advantage of and left immediately afterward.

    He sent me a text last night saying it upset him I only came over for sex and left right after. I explained I wasn’t looking to be his ‘late night’ girl because I have feelings for him and he didn’t make me feel like he wanted me to stay or that he wanted anything other than sex. That night I received a text from him asking me to come over. I asked him what that would entail and he responded with “whatever u want it to be I guess.” I ignored his text and didn’t hear back from him again last night.

    I don’t want to fall into the ‘booty call’ category. How do I keep him interested without being the girl who just fills in while he’s exploring his options? We were very much in love. We talked about getting married and having a family regularly.

    • admin
      April 1, 2014 | 4:46 pm

      In other words, you feel he used you?

  25. Alisha
    March 31, 2014 | 10:43 am

    Hey. i and my ex wer in a long distance relationship over a year. he cheated on me but i forgave him. evrythng was great after that for a few months but suddenly he started fighting over my past. den said he cannot be with me anymore. he’s still talking to me. he says he doesnt want to break contacts. but doesnt want a relationship. i really dont know what does he want. just confused. what should i do.?

    • admin
      March 31, 2014 | 4:35 pm

      Did you read my LDR page?

      • Alisha
        April 1, 2014 | 10:57 am

        Yes i read that page. but He says he loves me. Just don’t want get into a relationship now. He thinks i’m lying about my past. But i’m not.
        I tried to make him understand that if i can forget about his cheating then why cant he just believe me.
        Everything was okey till last month. He even got a tattoo of my name to prove that he won’t leave me ever. But suddenly after a week of getting it, he brought out a very stupid topic to fight.
        I told him to stop talking, he doesnt want that too.
        He wants me in his life but not a relationship or commitment.
        i really cant understand what he actually wants.

        • Alisha
          April 4, 2014 | 3:56 am


  26. coco
    March 31, 2014 | 2:24 am

    Would like your input. We were friends, tried dating but ended in disaster. We seemed to have move on occasionally talks on the phone I see him again as a friend but is seems weird that he wanted to hide from me that he got married and later that he had a baby. It does not bother me at all and I am happy for him but it does bother me that he is hiding stuff that should be normal to disclose. Your opinions are appreciated.

    • admin
      March 31, 2014 | 4:12 pm

      Well, if he is married then why do you want him back?

      • coco
        March 31, 2014 | 7:05 pm

        I don’t want him back at all, it just bothers me that he is hiding things like that, I wanted to have my friend back not a boyfriend but I think he is not on the same page and place that I am. It seems like you did not understand my post.

  27. k
    March 31, 2014 | 12:04 am

    Hi i have been with boyfriend @18months and I pushed him away by not communicating, some silent treatment and then I gave him an ultimatum. We have had a really large amount of positive interactions and i know he loves me. But since that day he has never been the same, i think i had expectations. Then i really messed up and tried convincing him and chasing him. I have kids and he does too so usually i had to schedule time with him. I have asked him if he wants a break or end realtionship but he doesnt. He just pulled away, doesnt return texts or calls, and acts distant. He said i worry too much and that if i dont have peace with myself then how can i have peace with someone else. I am going to gym meeting friends and keeping busy. I just dont know what to do, just straight into no contact? Is it too late. I also made the mistake of he called me last week and i came over and of course we had lots of great sex. But we havent officially broke up??

    • admin
      March 31, 2014 | 4:08 pm

      So, you two aren’t broken up? B/c if you are you just ventured into FWB territory.

Leave a Reply

Wanting to leave an <em>phasis on your comment?

Trackback URL http://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/warning-signs-that-your-ex-boyfriend-wants-you-back/trackback/