Warning Signs That Your Ex Boyfriend Wants YOU Back

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him.

I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

This may be shocking to hear, especially after your ex treated you so poorly after your breakup, but he may secretly want you back. One of the most asked questions I get on this site, aside from “how do I get my ex back” is “how do I know that my ex boyfriend actually wants me back?” In this article I am going to take an in-depth look at the male psyche and try to give you a resource that you can refer to if you want to know if he wants you back. No, this is not an exact science but I have found that time and time again an ex who is really missing his girl exhibits the signs laid out on this page.

Side Note: If you are an avid reader of my site you may be thinking that this article is similar to the signs your ex still loves you. While I will admit that this article has a similar preface it is taking a much different approach and it is my goal to make this as informative as possible.

The Rundown Of This Page

Did you know that an ex will exhibit certain signs when he begins to want you back? This page is going to explore those signs essentially giving you a checklist to watch out for. Now, I am not going to pretend to know everything (because I don’t.) There may be signs that I left out of this page that he could exhibit and there may be signs on this page that he could exhibit (but still doesn’t want you back.) However, what I will tell you is that I have a lot of experience dealing with these situations so the signs that you see listed below will most likely mean your ex is seriously regretting his decision to not be with you. I will be covering things like

  • Understanding the male mind after a breakup.
  • The importance of anger and how to understand it.
  • And how the no contact rule fits into all of this.

Lets talk a little about what this page will not cover now. I know that I am known as the “breakup guy.” I am proud to announce that I have helped multiple women get back with their exes. However, this page doesn’t really talk about that too much. It is assumed that you want your ex back but all this page is designed to do is help you understand if HE wants YOU back. Now, if your are past that and just want to know exactly what to do to get him back then I would like to direct you to Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO, my E-Book. In there you can learn the exact steps you need to implement in order to get an ex back. I will leave a link below for you to click on but for now lets just dive right in to the warning signs ;).

Click Here For Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO

The Male Mind After A Breakup

I thought a great way to kick off this particular article was with a look at the male mind after a breakup. As many of you know I am a male so I can give a very unique perspective on how to get your ex back by getting inside the mind of your guy. Contrary to popular belief men do actually have feelings. Now, I would say that 95% of the people reading this are women. At your core you are very emotional creatures. You aren’t afraid to cry when you need to cry or feel when you need to feel. I have learned that women are very in touch with their emotions.

Funny story actually, I remember having a friend in high school (she was a girl) that was literally all over the place emotionally. She wouldn’t be afraid to cry in class or do any other overemotional things. The funny part was how fast she would bounce back after these emotional outbursts. You would see her an hour later and she would be carrying on like nothing happened. It always struck me as bizarre but as I thought more and more about it I began to realize that women are much better at handling their emotions than men are.

Sure, a guy can cry after a breakup but what I am talking about here goes much deeper than that. Men shun true emotions after a breakup. I can remember my own breakup and how I handled it. I had been dating this girl for almost a year and at the end it was really… rocky. I remember after we broke up I felt completely free. It felt like weights had been lifted off of my shoulders. I remember thinking “this isn’t so bad.” Of course, a few days later I began to realize just how bad a breakup can be as the emotions hit me. I didn’t know what to do with them. I had never felt the type of things I was experiencing. (It was my first breakup ever.)

Every guy has a different way of handling a breakup. Me, I became a recluse for a while and decided to focus on myself. Other guys will create a defense mechanism that prevents any girl in the future from every penetrating it (George Clooney.) Of course, there is also the rebound guy that starts getting into new relationships immediately after your breakup.

Key Takeaways From This Section

  • Women know how to deal with emotions, men do not.
  • It can sometimes take a few days for the “emotions” to kick in for a guy after a breakup.
  • Every guy has a unique way of handling a breakup (defense mechanism, recluse, rebound.)

Anger Isn’t Always A Bad Thing

Now we are diving into the meat of this article! There is a common misconception going around that I would like to take a moment to dispel.

Common Misconception- If your ex is angry it means he doesn’t want you back.

NOT TRUE!

In fact, I would be more worried if your ex wasn’t angry with you in some way shape or form. Also, you have to keep in mind that sometimes your ex could be doing a phenomenal job at hiding his anger so I will admit that it isn’t always easy to tell if your boyfriend is angry at you. Anyways, back to the point here. Hate isn’t the opposite of love, apathy is.

You see, any time he displays any form of anger aimed towards you (yelling, talking bad about you to his friends, talking bad about you to you) women take it personally. I can understand why they take it personally too, after all, no one likes to be called a bit$% or get yelled at in the street. Nevertheless, lets try to take a deeper look into what is going through the mind of a man who is doing these types of things.

I will not lie to you, I have gotten into a shouting match with a girlfriend before. I have yelled at the top of my lungs and said some really horrible stuff. While I am certainly ashamed of these things I think I have found a way to put these horrible memories to use, by helping you out.

Any time I have done anything like this I have been extremely “emotionally invested” with the person I was talking to. I cared about them on a very deep level and because of that deep level every action that they performed was magnified. I wasn’t yelling because deep down I hated the person or never wanted to be with them again. I yelled because I cared about them in some twisted way.

I know, I know it is really twisted but that is literally how a guys mind works. So, that is the first sign I would say that you should look for to determine if your ex wants you back.

Key Takeaways From This Section

  • If your ex is angry with you it doesn’t mean he doesn’t want you back.
  • It can be tricky to tell if an ex is angry with you because some of them do a good job at hiding it.
  • Usually anger means your ex is emotionally invested in you.

How The No Contact Rule Can Work As A Warning Sign

If you are an avid reader of this website then you know that I am a huge fan of the no contact rule. In fact, sometimes I feel like a broken record repeating the same advice over and over. No contact rule this, no contact rule that. It may shock you to learn that the NC rule can actually be used as a test to see if your ex wants you back.

Men in general like to think very highly of themselves. However, when you add in the fact that he has a girl wanting him his ego can get really inflated. One of my best friends described this phenomenon perfectly. He would tell me that he used to go to the gym to please girls. He wanted a “hot” body so that girls would fall over themselves just to have a chance to be with him. He says that he remembers going to the gym and being pretty arrogant because he had the “fitness model” body. Now, keep in mind at this point my friend didn’t have a girlfriend this was just how he saw himself.

Of course, a few years later when he was in a relationship with a girl his trips to the gym were completely different. He walked around thinking he was a king. He was “preselected” by women and it gave him an ego you wouldn’t believe. In his mind he could do no wrong. He didn’t even have to work out anymore. A man feels like an absolute god when he knows there is a girl that likes him.

Now, lets apply this knowledge to your ex. At this point, it doesn’t matter who broke up with who. You want him back and chances are he knows it. This fact alone will inflate his ego to an extraordinary level because in his mind he has you wrapped around his finger.

BUT

When you add in the no contact rule suddenly the dynamic changes. He is expecting you to call him a million times during the breakup, do the emotional dance and even get on your knees and beg for him to come back to you. Only if you do a strict no contact rule he begins to wonder why you aren’t doing what you are supposed to do in begging for him back. Soon, he begins to worry that you have moved on so he reaches out to you, only you don’t respond.

Oh, now he is getting angry. In his mind he is this god who can have any woman he wants (because he had you) and you have the audacity to ignore his call? Anger on his part during the no contact rule is the next warning sign. I know it sounds crazy. How can an upset ex be a good thing? Again, it means he is emotionally invested in what you think and do.

There are a few things I would still like to point out though. The warning sign here is only shown if HE initiates contact during the no contact period. So, he has to call you/text you/facebook you/email you and then YOU have to ignore him. His reaction to you ignoring him is the sign for him wanting you back. The more upset he gets the more your value rises to him. I know that sounds weird, I mean, I am basically saying you want your ex to get upset. However, lets look at it on a logical level.

If he is this upset by your freeze out during the no contact rule we know that it means he is emotionally invested in you. It’s important that you don’t engage him because you want the dynamic to be that you are in control at all times. Him always having to work to get you will kind of turn him on a little bit because guys always want what they can’t have. Also, if he realizes that he is constantly chasing or having to work to get you your value will raise in his eyes. Instead of being the crazy ex girlfriend you will be the one that got away.

Pssstt… (Men always want the one that got away!)

Key Takeaways From This Section

  • In order for this warning sign to manifest you have to implement the no contact rule which you can learn more about here.
  • Men have big egos to start with but when they know they are “preselected” by girls their ego shoots through the roof.
  • If your ex boyfriend gets upset at you during the NC rule for not responding to him it means he is emotionally invested.
  • The more upset he gets during the NC period the more your value will rise to him.

Moving On A Little Quickly Now Aren’t We?

Men deal with breakups in all kinds of different ways. I actually alluded to this at the beginning of the article but I really didn’t go too far in-depth because I knew I was going to be talking about it here. Well, perhaps I should be a little more specific, I am going to be talking about one particular way that men deal with a breakup that is a surefire warning sign that he is not over you yet and may want you back in the future.

I hear a lot of stories every single day. As I am writing this article I am looking at my un-moderated comments. Shockingly, it is kind of low as there are only 33 I haven’t answered yet. Now, I can make you one guarantee about these 33 comments. When I do get to them later tonight there will be one or two that sound like this:

Chris, my ex and I dated for three years. We broke up a week ago but I wish I had found your site earlier because I have made so many mistakes that you say not to make. I called him too much and basically begged to get him back. I am afraid I scared him off because now he is dating this other girl….

Every single day I literally have a comment that looks like that. While I am absolutely thrilled to be getting these types of comments so early in this sites history I sometimes feel like some people don’t read what I am recommending and just decide to comment. But that is besides the point.

The point is that I chose this particular type of comment to discuss in this section because it is a potential warning sign that your ex boyfriend is not over you. As I said, every guy has a different way of dealing with a breakup. This particular type of guy immediately goes on the prowl looking for a woman to take away his pain.

Instead of doing the smart thing and letting a certain amount of time to go by, so he can heal, he tries to replace the hole in his heart with someone else, someone new. In the relationship industry we like to call this a “rebound relationship.” That is your sign. If he very quickly moves on after your relationship it is going to hurt you no doubt. However, you need to take a step back and look at things in a more “big picture” perspective. In most cases, rebound relationships don’t last. Don’t believe me? Take a look at the article I linked to above.

Key Takeaways From This Section

  • Men have different ways of dealing with breakups.
  • One of the most common ways is to go on the prowl for girls to fill the hole that you left in his heart.

What Do You Think? (1,127)

  1. Chloe - 0

    Chloe

    Hello!

    My ex boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago after 5 and a half years together. We agreed to go on a break on the Sunday and then 3 days in he broke it off saying he didn’t feel the same way about me. Since then he’s blocked my number, removed me on social media and gotten friends to do the same, he’s also gotten angry at his parents for still talking to me. He told me we could stay in contact and be friends but he’s been so mean. He got angry about me doing to visit his brother to return some things and when he came to mine to return my belongings 2 days after the break up it was almost like he didn’t know me and he was so distant, no hello or anything, it was in and out and gone with no emotion. He was the one I lost my virginity to and he always told me he loves me and how beautiful he thought I was. We planned out a future and then I was diagnosed with anxiety and after 2 years I had a relapse and he couldn’t cope. He said he didn’t love me anymore but hugged me before he left and told his parents he left because he couldn’t cope. I really don’t understand. I really love him and want him back. Help!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Chloe,

      I think he doesn’t want you to chase because that’s probably what he expects you to do, so he’s being mean with every action you take because he thinks it’s chasing. I think you need to check this:
      Stage 5 Clinger – Getting A Boyfriend Back If You Were Too Clingy

      I’m not saying you’re too clingy but that’s probably what he wants to avoid happening.

    • Chloe - 0

      Chloe

      Thank you for your quick reply, I can see where you’re coming from entirely, do you think the no contact rule will be of any help in this situation? And how long do you think I should wait before I contact him again?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      I think you should do at least 30 days and yes, it can help you increase your chances because you’re not going to be clingy and you’re going to start a new routine to have your own life.

  2. Gina linneman - 0

    Gina linneman

    Hey I love getting to learn about the mail mind I myself think of myself as a Emapth person so being in a relationship with someone that I will talk about here it runs very deep still to this day
    Me and my ex fiancé were together for 6 going on 7 years AND two beautiful daughters
    So I’m Sure u know what this interesting story about what I want to know from u and from reSding what u put down I can appreciate a whole honest answer
    We had a pretty bad break up towards the end we were distant arguing and just living like roommates it was horrible but I still loved him very much but him I wasn’t getting that from him before I moved out of the home we shared and raised our girls who are 5 an 3 1/2 now
    It took about if say a week an a half two weeks tops that when he would get girls he said I any talk to u right now or look at you which knowing him it was hitting at the time there was another girl he was pursuing that a year later I just found out that he was pursuing her right before he broke basically our family and now we are exactly doing what we were Doing and he’s acting treating me in ways that he did when we were together but I’m talking about picking fights moody with me etc and we agreed to stay civil for the girls of course so we have talked on the phone calls texts since then up we have talked everyday since his moods are up and down he’s mean looking for a fight with me always and then sometimes he’s short and to the point he would call and just ask or say things like he was just making up excuses to call me which he does for some times an. Then it’s weird it’s like one Dady he’ll talk to me like I’m annoying frustration him and I’m not even doing any of those things but then sometimes when I make. Point or tell him how he’s being he will either call me later on or text me this big paragraph of how either A.im wrong or B. He’s sorry without saying the word sorry. It’s a big up and down thing with him AND HERES THE CATCH about my story cause I know we have to talk cause we have children but I get Thess vibes like wow he really hAtes me and my family would always tell me he still loves u BUT REd this PART BC THIS IS WHAT THE TWIST OF MY STORY Is about HE HAS BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP with another since right before we officially called it quits at the time I didn’t know he was talking to another girl until about it seemed like a month after we broke up which was painful! I had no idea me 6…7 years later two kids and we were nothing to him it seemed he wanted the easy simple life with another girl who does have children then she moved in the house were me and the girl where living in with him real quick and that stings too real bad for a long time I had the defense of getting him out of my mind was all of these things he did to me and then our. Children he gave us all up I know that look on his face that he feels regret on what he did he admitted he cries about the girls which I hoped he had some heart on that they were missing from his life full time to every other week end
    I don’t know whAt to think I know we won’t get back together cause I can’t forgive him for breaking up our engagement the family we were building all for what? Is moodiness towards me ups and downs he hangs up on me the calls me right back two times and then a mean text cause I don’t answer him I did that test no contact but I was limited of thst cause I wasn’t about to keep our girls from him because I was bitter mad sad every feeling towards so one day he called and I had to answer casue he had to tell me what time he was getting the girls
    We recently got into a fight that I started bc his current girlfriend did something on the Internet involving my children and I flipped he was so defensive about her I wAs getting more mad as he did it he defended her and not only did he never so that for me but our argument from his side NOt once did he defend our girls or agree with that she did somethin. Wrong then I gave it back to him ten times fold and it mad him think he called me when I hung up and called and then he sent texts paragraphs which he does she even needs to get what he’s trying to say out some time later he called again right before the girls went to bed and I was t going to keep the girls from saying their good nights I try to keep a routine sometimes he won’t call them but that’s happen maybe three times but still the girls should be on his mind they r number 1 and that’s whT I told him his gf and him don’t have children together we do we created this family so I told him put the girls first and show it if u really feel that way I think he gets stuck at times with this girl doing whatever and then she makes him forget his girls and it pisses me off to think that if him really forgetting his girls BUT. Once I said thst all he did was his way of apologizing and he also said I don’t care whAt “she”. Says or thinks it doesn’t matter to me (he was referring to his current gf) and this happened yesterday and today he came this morning to “see” the girls and right away his mouth went off being nasty to me again after whZt I thought was that we came to a conclusion and we were gonna work as a team while we wer not together to raise our girls co-parent cause it’s really important to me maybe him but he never says it

    Ok well there’s so much more but I wanted you to hear my story maybe some people have been where I am or maybe mine is unique idk but how do i do? His do j handle this…cause I have had whiplash with him since we split he tries to make me jealous always bringing her up and saying he knows she like her coffee but he doesn’t remember whT I like??? It’s weird cause that was one of the things we did for each we cooked together Made or got each others coffee just the way we liked it
    WhAt do u think he thinks about his gf now she still living with her in the “house” I actually saw some pics of them together and him buying almost the same necklace for her doing the same thjngs that he did for me like sends flowers to be cute from the same florist etc and it’s hurtful to see that too now cause I feel like I was a joking to him he makes it seem like they never fight and if they do its bc of me…so I’m here taking ally he punches and I exploded once I’m tapped out I did build this wall up so I can try to heal but it wasn’t working I missed him at times and then when he was moody toward me I wanted to smack him lol
    also I wNted to know why?? Why did he talk to. Girl while he had this beautiful family by his side for the good and the bad I put up with a lot
    And how is it that she’s Was the “rebound girl” maybe At first but a year later they r still together idk It making me feel some of the pain I did in the beginning come back and it reAl cUse i think I still love him and then I don’t im confused with my feelings so is he confused too?? I feel like he gets to have his cake and eAt it too his freedom a new girl then means his daughters at his convenience what do I do? WhZt do u think is on his mind? I know he’s a brat and he can be very very selfish snd he is still immature with his actions
    He calls me almost every two Hours thru out the day then on his way home then he’ll call and just say how r the girls after he just called me two hours before asking the same thing
    Is there a way if u think he’s truly moved on…a way that I can make his moods stop and him treating me how he did when we were together and let him no I’m over it too
    He has told me several times thst he talks to me a lot more than his current gf
    Which I suspected please this has gone on for. Year now and I need to fully move on while he still has to be in my Life for forever cause we have children together I try to date but being a single mom and hVing the girls 97% of the time I really. can’t have much of a life which is something I had to get use to plus doing it alone without him to raise our girls is hard in its self so I really don’t need his extr stuff he gives me and he knows this and still does it and. Blames me when I didn’t do anything to even cause him to act like An ass to me
    Thanks so much for writing this it has been good for me to actuAlly write some of what my life is like now and if I can handle this and how to handle my feelings for him in. Way that I have to get to the point of not caring and this overwhelming feeling to get our family back which Ps that’s one thing he never tried and he even shut down couples counseling
    I mean I did everything to push myself to stay for or children but I know fora fact that his heart was somewheres else as far as that goes
    Sorry lol and one last question
    **Did he ever loved me??? Towards the end why did he do what he did we were together for almost 7 years how could his feelings be so gone when he ended and got into another relAtionship saying I love u to this girl a month in his new gf but then do nice things for me be thoughtful then switch it up to looking for a fight etc
    Please ur advice honest advice would mean the world to me cause I don’t have. Great support system nor do I know how to handle this crazy situation I never thought I’d be in with my beautiful daughters
    Thank you so much

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Gina,

      She’s more probably a grass is greener case.. He either got tired or bored with you..
      Yes, he was still nice after the breakup because there might be some feelings left for you but he’s not really in love with you anymore..

      I understand that it’s a hard stage for you right now to have your own life, then dont. Appreciate this stage with your girls.. Build memories together, grow together, work out together, learn new things together, take them out and meet new people together.. Use this stage to help them be more independent and friendly.. So that when they go to school, they’ll excel more because they’re used to doing a lot of things and making new friends..

      Have one day to ask somebody else to take care of them and then go to the salon.. I hope you dont mind me asking but do you work right now? Because if you do, then you have time alone.. Whoever guards them in your working hours can guard them one more day in a month so that you can have your day.. If not, hpw about a relative, a trusted friend, or hire a home service hairstylist.. I’m not a mom but I have best friends and relatives that are single moms and they make it work. At first they were also shaky in maintaining theirselves but eventually they find a way to keep their self in check and keep their individuality so that they dont get burned out as a mom, therefore helping them to be a better as well..

      one at a time… set him aside and get your balance back first..once you get the hangs of maintaining yourself while being a single mom, slowly build rapport with him and besides yiu can ask him to stay with the girls for one day month right? That’s his chance to have more quality time with them at the same time establishing that you have a life too

  3. Ariana - 0

    Ariana

    My boyfriend of 5 years just broke up with me. I fought with him because he wouldn’t listen to any of the problems I presented to him. I kept explaining what the problem 3 times but he basically pushed it aside. I had enough n asked for a break not a break up. After 2 weeks, I thought I was to harsh and would let him talk first. He ended up breaking things off.
    He kept texting me saying it’s best. I felt completely dead. He texted me the next day saying let’s try again. I asked if he was confident. He left me clinging to hope for 3 days and said Nope nevermind let’s just break up.
    I called him and begged him for one more chance but he said no and that he’ll stop responding to my calls and never talk to me ever again.
    An hour later he texted me saying we should agree with a mutual breakup.
    So the question is, why is he saying he wants me then saying no then contacts me again. I’m initially the NC rule right now. I don’t know if it’s too late.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Ariana,

      he’s simply undecided. Nope, it’s not too late yet.

  4. Ana - 0

    Ana

    Just a short question-What if he doesn’t contact me in the no contact period ?

    Reply
  5. Nunu - 0

    Nunu

    Soo its been about a month since we broke up we where together for 8 months the 1st 5 months of the relationship where beautiful and i really felt loved and wanted now due to personal circumstances he started acting off he was there but not there and every time i asked he told me it wasn’t him and he’s depressed because of work and family and things like that i was there for him tired to open him up but it wasn’t working now over the weeks i noticed that he wasn’t committed to the relationship and blew up from there and we ended up breaking up because he couldnt see this relationship going any were and he doesn’t know what he wants iv asked him to delete my number and go our separate ways and he didn’t want to and was contacting me everyday he eventually stop and the NC started obviously me being a weak ass contacted him after 9 days he was happy to hear from me and told me he’s missed me how happy he was wen he’s seen my text. It didn’t say anything speical just sed hope u well i cut the contact and he’s been in touch everyday since then i get the hey beautiful and the i miss yous he think that I disliked him and i told him and just guarding myself i mean hey its only been a month u know feelings dont go away that quick and now he drops the bomb of we should meet up for a catch up i Dont remember the last time he asked me it was always me telling when and where im confused i Dont know weather he doest know what he wants or he actually wants us to get back together and if thats the case i Dont want him having it easy. Like u gotta work for it mate help what should i do

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Nunu,

      Take it slow.. if he wants to meet up, meet up and then if he asks you back, tell him you want to take it slow because you don’t want what happened to happen again.

  6. Kate - 0

    Kate

    My ex and I broke up like 2 years ago after being together for one year. We have stayed in touch and lately i have been seeing him. Last night we met and it was weird at first we were sitting in his car talking and then we kissed and we almost had sex but I had to leave for my friends were waiting me for dinner. He went with us and we all were just talking and laughing and then he got me 2 red roses. But wr have talked previously about getting back together and he is totally against this. What the hell am I supposed to do. I love him so much. I can’t let go. I want him and only him

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Kate,

      let him work for it.. let him prove if he really want you back.. dont chase..dont have sex until you’re back together

  7. Dana - 0

    Dana

    Hi! Me and my ex was together for five years. We broke up in april. Then I follow the no contact rule. Then we started texting, we met a couple of times. Then he started dating another girl. Then you told me that it may be a rebound and it was…During his relationship we was in touch, we met a couple of times. He always was nice, and loving, everytime told me how beautiful I’m, how I’m the best and such a things. Then before tree weeks we was together a hole evening, we have a realy good time, and a lot of fun. We was in a front door of our home (where i’m living now) we hugged for goodbye and then he kissed me. I was like ok…and he was like wild thing. We make love, two times. He was like he didn’t have sex for a year. We couldn’t speak after that because my friends was waiting for me to go to the sea side with them. So I leave and gave my keys to him to watering my flowers. When I was giving them to him he said something like “Oh, those keys!” with nostalgic. So he cheat on his 18years old girlfriend with me. I’m 26 he is 27.

    Then I decided to wait him to start speak about that not me, I tried to play it hard like it nothing special. I was in rebound too for a month. So I cheat too. Then we met, have sax again. He was so nervous, his hands was shaking. There was something in his voice like he want something but he’s afraid of it. I was speaking about everything else but not about us, I was waiting to see what he is playing. It was a lovely evening, we went to cinema, and have a diner…but hi was nervous all the time.

    Before 4 days was our last meeting. He was in home to fixing my sink. We smoked on the terace and he tried to hug me. I told him that I don’t want, because I’m not this girl. And we start speaking about something else. At the end of the evening he started to speak. About the night…he didn’t feel such a strong thing before, like this one betwen us. He broke up with his girl right after that. He told me that he likes her a lot in every aspect, but obviously he needs more. He told me that he was thinking to ask me, if I want to have sex with him for a last time, because he doesn’t want to have sex with me this way…before we dont go back…he was going to say together, but he stop and then change the subject… I think he want me back, but he is afraid and he still want to experiment with his freedom. So I’m wondering what to do now. We realy love each other and I really want him back.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Dana,

      did you agree to sleeping to him one last time? How did he leave?

    • Dana - 0

      Dana

      No, I didn’t. It was like nothing was happen. We was together for a hour or two, we had a diner. He was very sick with high temperature and I offered him to stay and sleep in the other room, because he lives in the other end of the town and it was late at night, he was without a car or bike. But he was like “No, it’s better not to do this” So he went. At the door I asked him if this “sex for last time” means that we never ever do sex again. He was: No, are you mad, no! I mean since my future looks like that…Then he shuts his mouth again…I told something like : Oh,your future looks “interesting”…He told: Why, do you see me sad and alone for all my life. And then he looked in my eyes…I said: No you’ll have a better one. We hugged for a really long time. I felt some tears on my neck. But they was in my eyes too, so we didn’t make it a big deal. We just said bye. He told me that he will call my soon to see me.

      Next day we text, he was very nice. Then he went to his summer vacation, so he is not in the town now, just traveling to different cities to see some of his friends. He even bought me my face cream from Sofia city. We text a little, I don’t want to bother him. So that’s it!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      ok, that’s good. Don’t sleep with him unless you’re back together. During his trip, continue what you started during no contact, and when he comes back continue those activities too. Don’t be too available for him. Have your own life and always look your best when you see each other. It has to be a fun when you see each other. Take this opportunity to bounce back from what happened and to raise your value again.

      YOu need to read this too:
      I hooked up with my ex..now what?

  8. leyley - 0

    leyley

    Me and my boyfriend were dating for about 4 months. Everything was fine we didn’t really fight and if we did we resolved it easily. Well he told me about a week ago we were breaking up. 2 days before that he told me his ex messsaged him and said she wanted him back Even though she also had a boyfriend. Well he never replied to get and said to leave him alone. Well 2 days later I was at school and he called me and we were taking having fun, then about 3 hours after that he went to her house to get her little brother because they hangout sometimes. I told him i wish she wasnt there but he said nothing will happen hes mine and no one elses. He then called me hours later and told me to meet him at walmart so i did and he said he felt like an ass and that he doesn’t want to tie me down at school and that I seemed more like a friend at the end and he doesn’t know what to do and he’s sorry and cried, wiped my years away, hugged me, and said hell never forget me and wants to be friends. I texted him that night and asked if it was about his ex he said no he just doesn’t know what to do. he told his mom and best friend and they told him to do what he wants. Then his ex broke up with her bf the same night. Well i haven’t spoke to him since (it’s been a week) and he’s alwyas at his ex’s house almost everyday and says they are just friends but she says they’re more. Idk what to he’s my first boyfriend and i like him so much. His friend has been snapchatting me and asking what me and my ex did and saying sorry things to me. So my friend told my ex and now.he is mad at his friend.
    I like that he’s mad but he acts like he doesn’t care for me? What should I do?

    Reply
  9. Tiphy - 0

    Tiphy

    Thanks! Ive already read them all. He acted as a jerk haha
    Today, he had called 5 times before I answered and he apologized for his behavior. I said thanks and we said goodbye. Im also blocked at WhatsApp. Anyway, Ive decided to keep the limited contact at work until the 45 days are completed.
    Thanks for the support with the articles!

    Reply
  10. Anse - 0

    Anse

    I dunnk whether I am in the right place to have this conversation.
    Me and my ex had a very complicated relationship. It was a long distance relationship. We haven’t seen each other in 2 years.
    The thing is now that I have not spoke to him in about 5-6 weeks. Last week was his birthday, so I send him a message. But then decided to give him a call. His number did not work. As he travels a lot due to work I was not thinking too much about it. This year there have been many signs that sth is not ok with him. Even in our last whatsapp conversation he yelled at me to never try to contact him again but also “you don’t know what I am going through”. Because of all of that I am very worried. The last 4 days I have constanly called him. But his phone says switched off/out of network. It is also strange that I haven’t seen him on any social media for 2 weeks now, which is usually not the case. I am panicking. I don’t know anyone from his surroundings and he is also not in touch with any of our uni mates for a long time. Last time I got worried and tried to find out his ex and contacted her. Hence the reaction from him and he also threatend me with a few things. Yes, I have acted like a crazy person. But in the conversation before he said he has depressions and that he is not ok and very sad. He just disappeared after that conversation. I called him to see how he is after a few days. When I couldn’t reach him I started panicking more and more and tried to reach him via phone, mail and apps. In vain. Finally I got a mail saying: stop stalking me. I was hurt, angry and lost my mind and contacted his ex to bring this mess to an end. Maybe she might know what is up with him as she is still friends with his family. The next day he texted me the threats about 5-6 weeks ago.

    I need to calm down at the same timeI don’t want to do sth crazy like I did. When u love someone u there is always a small hope of getting back together. But atm that is not my concern at all, i just want to know nth happend to him.

    There might be some typos. Hope u still get me

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Anse,
      the worst that can happen is that he’s dead but 4 days long, it’s impossible that nobody would notice if he is.. Ok, that’s absurd but I’m just trying to keep you in touch with reality.. If he can go 2 weeks off the grid, then another two weeks like that again is fine…

      If he said you were a stalker before, then you really have to avoid checking up on him again and just focus in improving yourself now.

  11. Bella - 0

    Bella

    After a 2 year relationship, an engagement, and living together I decide to leave him 3 months ago. We really had next to no conversation until one day i decided to call and back together for the weekend. He told me he had a gf, which i seriously didn’t take it serious, answered his phone when she called. We did spend the next day together, but because i destroyed his phone because of her endless calling. He realized when we were apart the following day called me and began to scream at me and never said were done but now I see him (spy) on a dating site practically all evening. that was 2 days ago. I’m confused because i love him but be is extremely boring and drinks a lot and at times abusive.
    When we were together he said some pretty hurtful things about being with others. I have not heard from him nor have i attempted to contact him. Sad and confused I’m not sure where to go from here, please help.
    thank you,

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Bella,

      if he’s abusive, you shouldnt get back with him

  12. Kass - 0

    Kass

    I broke up with my ex boyfriend in May. We were very serious, living together and he had bought me a ring, but neither of us were ready for an actual engagement. I ended the relationship because there were some serious shortcomings. Both of us were broken from events that happened around the same time during our relationship from forces outside the relationship. I lost my dream job and his ex-wife stopped allowing him to have contact with his former step kids. I became withdrawn and he became angry. He took his anger out on me, and I became further depressed and withdrawn. We both made the other person feel inadequate. I needed the cycle to end so we could start over and find the relationship we had lost. I tried the no contact, but he would not accept it. He called and texted everyday, stopping by my station at work, calling me for “official” reasons. We would end up chatting for a while. I blocked him on Facebook (I have since in-blocked, then deactivated my Facebook) so I could work on me, yet he still pursued me. He fell apart, was constantly late for work (we work at the same place), reported to work occasionally still drunk. I recently saw that he had become less angry and seemed like he was doing better with many things. So I started interacting with him more and even started to contact him. Things were going well, he still had some things at my house and came by to get them. We talked, he told me he loved me, then I went to dinner with a girl friend. He texted me telling me I looked great and we chatted via text for a little while, he told me I was amazing and special. The conversation even turned very flirty. Two days later, I sat down and wrote him a letter explaining all the thing I had done wrong and apologizing for my role in the decline of the relationship. I told him that I wanted us to be able to move forward without holding on to any of the past pain. I took him the letter when I asked he not give up on us, he told me he thought I already had given up and he had moved on. He was now talking to his sister’s best friend (12 years younger than him), they have only been talking for a few weeks., from what I could tell He told me that I should have said something before then, because his answer would have been yes. He cried as I hugged him and told him I wanted a future with him, but he still rejected me and told me I was too late. Now, he has not returned a single text message, but makes sure I bump into him at work every other day. I always smile and act like my happy self. He will not even return a text about his mail/property that is at my house. When I ended the live in relationship, I never told him that we were completely over, I told him that we both needed to work on things as individuals and if our paths lead back to each other, then maybe we could try again. I have realized that I love him and miss him very much. I see every step of my journey through life with him by my side, he makes me want to be and do better. I am just at a complete loss. I have no idea what to do. We do still work together, so complete no contact will be nearly impossible. Please help me.

    Reply
    • Kass - 0

      Kass

      He did return the text, two days later, but still failed to address his property that I still have. He questioned me on how I had handled a firearm transfer (he gave me a gun for Christmas). It was short and to the point, he did throw in that he was working today (today is normally his day off and he knows that I would know that because we had days off together). For almost three months, he begged me everyday to give him another chance and now that I am willing to try again, he has stopped texting, returning texts, calling me, or talking to me when I have to call for work reasons. Even when I asked for my second chance (the one he rejected) he still said he loved me, he still called me babe. I’m just so confused.

    • Kass - 0

      Kass

      Well, he came by and got the rest of his stuff. We talked for a while and he told me again that he had moved on, there was no chance. He got really angry at me, but calmed down and we talked some more. He told me that he just didn’t trust himself with me. He talked about the strong feelings he had for me and how he had waited for several months for me to give him hope. I told him all the things I did to show him that I had still wanted him to be there. He kept bring up the fact that I had left him hanging for the last three months. But he stayed and talked. He made a point to tell me that he couldn’t see me while he was on vacation from work because he already had other plans. Toward the end of the conversation, he was less sure that it was final, but he never seemed like he was totally sure to start with. He seems like he wants me to prove that I love him. He even went as far as to say that he found it funny that I wanted him back after people had told me he was sleeping around. I told him it had nothing to do with that and I had reached out to him long before I knew anything. He brought up why I didn’t do anything for his birthday (August 1st) and I reminded him that I had called him several days prior and he told me all about his birthday plans, leaving me unable to asked him if I could buy him dinner for his birthday.

      He didn’t call, he drove over! He immediately told me he was mad at me. He told me he had set boundaries for himself, and was quickly telling me what they were. He told me that he had all these plans with “this other person” and how they were going to Vegas and concerts over the next couple of months. He yelled at me that what I was doing right now was all that he had wanted before, but now he had given himself to another person. He said they had been seeing each other for six weeks. He wouldn’t hug me at first, and kept telling me that he couldn’t stay long. He hugged me and held me before he finally did leave. He peeled out of my dirt driveway. Before he left, he said that if he picked me, he would ruin his relationship with his family, but if things ended badly with the other person, he would ruin his relationship with his sister, because they are best friends. I told him I would do everything I could to make things right with his family. He is so back and forth and so confusing.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Kass,

      it looks like the no contact rule was started and done the wrong way because we only recommend upto 45 days only..

      and now he’s confused because hebhas started to move on and he doesnt want to dissapoint his family..

      The good thing is, you work together..

      I think you need to implement having a restart.. dont ask him to come back again..make it look like you’ve accepted his decision. Always look your best at work and be nice with him
      dont be extra nice, you’ll look like you’re faking it..

      just be natural..take this as a restart and slowly start as friends again

    • Kass - 0

      Kass

      I took him coffee at work one day (because during our conversation he told me that he wished I would have done the little things like that), it made him smile. I dropped it off and didn’t say a word, he came running down the hall after me and I told him there was coffee, then I left his area. I sent him a few (like 4) memes that said very lovey things, he told his new girl and she texted me calling me all sorts of crazy things. I ran into him after I got the text and showed him. All he said was there was no need for the name calling. She had informed me in the texts that he had blocked me on all his stuff because she asked him to. He brought up some of the hurtful things about our break-up, I apologized for hurting him. He told me that it would kill him when he found out I was with someone else. (During our 5 minute conversation, she called and called and called his phone). I told him that I didn’t want to complicate his life or cause him any more pain, so I would stop. He told he hated to see me hurting so much. He then said he would miss me, then left. Then the next day he texted me about something he thought he had left at my house (I couldn’t reply because I’m blocked), then he called me at work to ask if I got the text. When I told him I had and I didn’t have the item, he started yelling at me. Over the next three weeks, we will be on vacation, then we will work together three days a week. How bad did I screw this up already? If he had told me they were in a serious relationship, I wouldn’t have done the things he loved me doing before. Should I ignore him, or should I be friendly, but distant with him since she is clearly crazy (she threatened me to transfer away from her boyfriend or things would get bad for me) and I don’t want him to be hurt anymore?

    • Kass - 0

      Kass

      Oh, and when I showed him the texts she had sent me, I asked him if I should try and transfer out of working with him, he smiled and said “no, I think we can handle it.”

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Kass,
      you should listen to this one: What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Moves On To A New Girl (Video)

    • Kass - 0

      Kass

      I have stopped contacting him, but I respond when he has contacted me. He contacted me on a Wednesday about if his new credit card had been sent here (he had his address changed over two months ago) and I responded that I would look when I got home. I didn’t have it, but had a box of his checks and offered to leave them. He just kept texting thank you as a response. I left it and told him, he came right over to get it. So I was backing out of the driveway and he saw me. He waived, I just waived and left. So, fast forward to today, the following Tuesday. He texted again thanking me for the checks and I responded with I had received mail for him and he called. He said he called to see how I was doing, because he hadn’t talked to me in a few weeks, I said I figured he didn’t want to talk to me because he had blocked me, and that sent a pretty clear message. Then we spent two and a half hours apologizing for what we did to each other. He kept saying over and over again that he has to give the other girl a fair chance. He knew that he could actually love because of me. He asked me who I was seeing now and I told him I was working on myself. He got really upset at the end of the conversation telling me how he was so sorry that he never really gave me a fair chance because how our relationship started. He was crying at the end of the call and he was really quick to get off the phone. I have no idea what any of that conversation means. I told him I would answer if he called. I told him that I will always love him. He talked about needing to give her a fair chance over and over, but I haven’t contacted him or said anything to him. He told me he had to leave a store today because the last time he was there, we were together. He talked about how he is still my friend and he hasn’t talked to me and wanted to see how I was doing. I told him all I was doing to improve myself. I just tried to be supportive of him exploring the relationship with the new girl telling him that I didn’t expect him to end that if he thought it would make him happy. He told me he was doing well and that now he didn’t have to take anxiety medication because he was so insecure with me that he had obsessed over me. He said the insecurities were his own fault because I was seeing someone else at the beginning of the relationship, before we were exclusive, and he had created this because he thought I would go back. He said he understands now that he had no right to be mad at me for that. He said if he had just talked to me and not been so angry all the time, things would have ended differently. I said if we had both been more open (I am a very guarded girl because of a life time of traumatic events and I always struggle with allowing people close to me), things wouldn’t have ended and he agreed. He asked me what kind of man would he be if he didn’t give himself to the other girl fully and give her a fair chance. I replied with I knew he was a good man and had a good heart. He said that we would talk because we were working together three days a week, because he didn’t feel like texting me and calling me was appropriate. Was this conversation just so he could relieve his own guilt? Was he just trying to clear the air so working together wouldn’t be awkward (even though we will not be directly together and he can avoid me for the entire shift if he wanted to)? The conversation left me more confused than anything else. Can you help me out and point me in the right direction? I know without a doubt, even with the problems we had (that can be fixed), this man is my true love.

    • Kass - 0

      Kass

      He also said that he didn’t know if he could trust that it wouldn’t be the same and I told him I was in counseling for my own issues and I realized that I had been very guarded because of my own guilt that I carried that for things that were not my fault. He said that he was sorry for the way he had treated me and no one ever deserved having to deal with that kind of anger and rage. Then he apologized for for never giving me his best. He wanted to see me happy and he hoped we would both take what we had learned into our next relationships. I told him that even through all of that, I still love him. I never tried to convince him that he should come back to me, I didn’t ask for another chance. I was open and honest with how I felt (a big problem in our relationship was I wasn’t open and wasn’t able to express how I felt, it fueled his insecurities). I felt like it was the best conversation we had had in a very long time.

    • Kass - 0

      Kass

      Well, things got worse. I saw him at the gym and he came and talked to me. He was having a disagreement with his new girlfriend, so he ended our conversation, but they apparently settled it quickly. He then met me at the grocery store and we sat and talked for another few hours. He asked why I hadn’t done all the stuff I was doing earlier. We talked about where we each went wrong. Then, he started to talk about his new girlfriend and how he was changing a lot of the toxic behavior he had used with me. He was glad there was distance between them (she live about 2 hours away), because it forces him to stop and communicate. Instead of just having a reaction, and arguing, he had to think of how to express himself. He said she was amazing and he thinks he loves her. He asked me, because I knew him best, how he could handle things so he didn’t ruin this relationship. I told him how to avoid some of the things he had done with me. I was being supportive of him exploring that relationship. He kept saying thing like he cared for me and he was sorry for all these things. He realized that he did a lot of the damage in the relationship. He also said that he had wanted us to get married, but he didn’t think I would ever let that happen. I told him I wasn’t ready for it at the time, but it wasn’t anything to do with him and I would have married him. He said when I told him to leave, he had to move on after a couple of months. He didn’t mean to care about her, it just happened. I told him that I wouldn’t do anything to interfere with his relationship, but I would always love him. I feel like he still loves me, I feel like they moved very fast, and it is still very new (like two months). He said he blew her off a few times and she gave him another chance. There were so many times that I should have left, but gave him a second chance and now I feel like I will never get a second chance. Is my situation completely hopeless? I’m so heartbroken because I love him so much, but he is falling for someone else.

    • Kass - 0

      Kass

      During our talks he said he felt used because he bought me a lot of things (he lived in my house without paying any bills for 11 months). I told him that I didn’t want that stuff, I had only wanted him. Well, yesterday out of the blue he texted me asking when he could come get the stuff (stuff I had given back once and he gave back to me hoping we would get back together). I told him that I said I would rather have had him and I was not in town. He replied with “Let me know when you get back. Ty” Why is he asking for the gift he gave me back? I feel like he was probably upset and just lashing out at me. Is he just trying to make me into the bad guy so he can focus on his new girlfriend and try and forget he has feelings for me? He was really cold in the text messages and he was very slow to respond when I texted back. He has shown up where he knew I would be, he has told me he cares about me, he has told me he wanted us to get married, he has called to check on me. He has told me he is confused and frustrated that I want him back. He has said he has feelings for someone else. Now, out of the blue he is back to demanding that I return the gifts he gave me for birthdays, holidays, and at random because he loved me.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      If he’s confused that means he still has feelings.. he’s just at a crossroads right now.. You’re doing a good job on lashing out on him and being supportive.. I think that’s why he’s confused.. You’re not showing the old you and you just keep on being this new better person.. Just be consistent on being patient with him and continue improving yourself.. Continue maintaining yourself, continue being beautiful, having your own life and having great talks with him. It’s normal that you will have those talks, just don’t engage in a fight.

    • Kass - 0

      Kass

      Thank you. I am doing my best to show my improvements. I haven’t responded to him about the stuff he gave me. Why would he be so insistent on me giving the gifts back after we have been having such good talks? He texted me again tonight to let me know that he was going to her town, would be back Tuesday and to let him know when he can come get it. I’m not willing to give it back. They are all tied to very good memories of us.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      I’m not sure.. It can be just a way of seeing you or testing you how you would reach if you see him or he wants to move on

  13. Tracie - 0

    Tracie

    My BF and I was in a 6 year relationship. I bought a house and told him 3 days prior to me closing on it. I did this due to the school my son went to had a lot of violence in it and wanted to get him in a different school system. It’s been a little over a year that the ex and I broke up. We had tried again a month or so after break up but it didn’t work. I have been speaking to my ex past couple months now and I miss him and realized how much when I saw him. He tells me we can only be friends and he gets mad at me when I ask if he can give us one last chance. He said he is working on his goals, doesn’t want the drama, and his love for me was like a switch he turned off. He is seeing someone casually but says he doesn’t love berth at there has only been one person he has ever loved and that was me. I keep asking him to give me a chance I would do anything to have his love, but he gets mad and tells me we will never be together again. Is there a chance his feelings will change? How do I get him back? Please help

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Tracie,

      if you want to increase your chances, you have to stop chasing him and begging him to come back because it’s unattractive.. do no contact, distance yourself, work on yourself and regain balance on being more rational again and aim to be an ungettable girl

  14. Mya - 0

    Mya

    So, my ex boyfriend broke up with me, and I told him that we could not be friends after the break up in one week he texted me twice. And one of the days I met up with him and we talked for hours and he said he wasn’t sure he wanted to be with me so I let go and walked always because I don’t want someone to have to decide if they want me or not. A few days later he texted me as if nothing happened I got mad of course because I told him he keeps hurting me and he kept saying that he loved me and that he cared he just didn’t know if he wanted to be with me I got mad and told him to never contact me again because it hurts. So I put my myself on a dating website because I wanted to move on and find someone else but then I realized I need to let myself heal a few days later I see him on the website he views me on purpose so that I know he’s on there. He has every right to be but he’s wrong because he’s the one who said he didn’t want me. In just confused I wanted to call him and beg for him to come back but I didn’t. He just kept hurting me and doing things to hurt me on purpose why I’ll never understand, I did do some things that may have hurt him but two wrongs don’t make a right, I know I need to move on but it’s just that why did he hurt me on purpose? He went from priming and talking about marriage to just leaving me so coldly in the dust it hurt I did nothing to desver all the damage he caused.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hi Mya,

      he just broke up with you? He didn’t tell you the reason why?

  15. ANNA - 0

    ANNA

    My ex and I dated for a year nd 3months, we broke up once. Exactly 2months after we got back together, he started giving me attitude nd then one day he broke up with me through bbm, saying it was beyond his capabilities. A week after he buzzed me on bbm and told me he was seeing another girl. I was really hurt by that, so I started d NC. a week after he deletes me from bbm.2months after he removes me from his snapchat&the next day he buzzes me on fb asking how am i doing? . I don’t reply, he keeps liking my post on instagram.2days ago he left a dm on instagram asking how am i doing? Ofcourse i am fine but i didnt reply. He left a bitter msg saying he knew i wouldnt reply nd if i want i could block him from instagram or he would do so himself.then he post a pucture saying trust no bitch. I am totally worked up by all this, I know I shouldn’t be worked up but I don’t get why he is doing all this.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Anna,

      he’s not a sport.. he thought you would still be the same person as before that can still talk to whenever he wants despite of what happened.

  16. Beth71 - 0

    Beth71

    My boyfriend and I had a bad break up and it’s not the first time. It started out very lustful early in our relationship but then we started to have feelings for each other. Our first break up was a miscommunication but it was also a stressful time for him. I pushed, constantly in the hopes that he would see that we could be happy again. We did get back together. I was more invested than ever. I fed his ego and he was my priority. He would be standoffish and I thought it was because I hurt the relationship and he didn’t trust that I wouldn’t pull away again. Well I found out that he was talking to other women and I was devastated. He said he needed time and distance to sort things out. Other things he said concerned me and I hated that I catered to his every need just to have him decide our future together without consulting me and my feelings so I texted him at least twice a day waiting for a response. Nothing…..when he did I got anger and he quickly blocked my texts. Well I’m a crafty and determined women so I’ve been able to get messages to him. I tried to appeal to his indecisiveness and said if we can’t be together let’s be friends. Again all I got was anger. I started to doubt our feelings and question the relationship all together. My last text was:
    I can keep getting messages to you despite you not wanting to hear from me but I won’t and can’t do that any longer.
    In my last correspondence with him I said that I know I loved him and I know that he loved me but apparently it’s not enough so I need to let go. I only wanted closure. I even begged for it in my prior emails and texts. Two days later I got texts that were angry. I glanced at them but didn’t respond. I blocked him but my curiosity got the best of me but because I blocked him I didn’t see the other texts. He says that they were filled with anger over my behavior. He said he needed time and I pushed which in turn pushed him away. He was so angry that he even said, “I’m glad I’m done with you”. I truly feel he said it to get a raise out of me or to get me to beg for him back like I did with our last breakup but I only replied that I cared about him but if he feels he’s better off, than I will have to accept that.
    I’m confused by what he does, it always seems contradictory. I told him that I wouldn’t bother him anymore as I stated in the last email I sent him. He said nothing.
    I guess, my question is: Is it possible that he wants me back? I’ve always push for communication when we argue. This time I said “no more” and I get a text 2 days later. I don’t believe it was the closure I was asking for. I think it was an open door. Is his anger him trying to hold back emotion? He attempted to block our forms of communication but with this email he showed me that he opened a door.
    I want him back. I’ve not attempted to communicate with him since then, I’m waiting for him to come to me. If he does what should I do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hi Beth71

      he’s used to you chasing him, so to reset everything and to influence what he thinks about you.. keep doing no contact.. finish 30 days..

    • Beth71 - 0

      Beth71

      What if he contacts me before then? Do you think we still need that time apart? I want him to know that we need to work through problems not just walk off and stop all communication. Am I wrong? I guess I worry because we have nothing committing us to each other (not married, no children).

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      that would suck more.. he should stay because he loves you .not because he has obligations with you..

  17. Jenn - 0

    Jenn

    Hi, ok so my boyfriend of a year dumped me shortly after we moved in together, giving me 20 different reasons for the breakup. A couple weeks later he was in a new relationship, which I thought was a rebound because she appears to be the complete opposite of me. I did the terrible begging for him back phase, but once he moved out I dropped all contact with him and started working on myself and getting myself back. I had been depressed since before the relationship began so I used it as a chance to get myself straightened out and get back to the old me, a girl he never really got to meet. Anyway, I did strict NC for a little over 3 months and finally contacted him wishing him a happy father’s day and basically telling after sometime, I understood what went wrong and I apologized for things I had done during the relationship and said I didn’t expect a response, just wanted it off my chest as my closure. He responded after several days saying he still considers me a friend & is there if I ever need anything. I said I appreciated it, but didn’t want to be friends, see him or talk to him at this time and ended the conversation. Well then a week later he asked me if I would teach him my hobby, to which I said I wasn’t comfortable with right now. My thing is, he knows my hobby, I taught him when we were together and he knows several others who share the same hobby. Why is he contacting me about it and what should I do? I’d love to get back together, but he has been with this other girl for 4.5 months now.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jenn,

      I think he’s trying to reconnecr..if you want him back..rebuild rapport and attraction slowly but don’t be too available

    • Jenn - 0

      Jenn

      Ok so I should be open to potentially seeing him and being around him while he’s still dating this girl? I did check their social media at the time to see if I could notice any changes in behavior, but they still seem to be obsessed with each other on there, which was why I told him no. I’m busy for the next couple weeks, but when I have some free time should I ask him if he’s still interested in learning?

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hmm.. don’t take it as a date at first.. start being just friendly.. let’s see if he will initiate again, by then agree and then just keep the meet short

  18. Belle - 0

    Belle

    I broke up with my boyfriend of 6 years because it was the right thing to do. I began to date someone almost immediately after and disagree with the “rebound” aspect or your article. I have been with this man for 2 years now and have no reservations about him. I feel like I know what I want and don’t want now and wouldn’t waste my time if it wasn’t right for me. Maybe this article only applies to men in that position? I came here to try and find the right thing to say to my ex who asked me if I ever think about him.. which is a hard question to answer because no, I do not really think about him but I don’t want to hurt his feelings. The answer can also be yes, because sometimes when he is brought up I wonder and hope he is doing well but I don’t want to give him the wrong idea. I am a firm believer in no contact after ending a relationship because I don’t see the point, I ended it, I decided this wasn’t right for me, no good will come from continuing to talk. I haven’t responded to his text, and I think my best option would be not to.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Belle,

      sorry I just want to make it clear. Who’s asking? The 6 year ex or 2 year ex?

  19. Lauren - 0

    Lauren

    Hi,

    My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me after an arguement we had. This relationship has been both of our first and only relationship. I really thought he was the one. He broke up with me over text, and I know it speaks volumes but he always runs from his problems. He told me he needed space to find himself but when I started NC, he texted me and said “guess you’ve moved on huh” which really confused me because if you want space why text me. I haven’t moved on obviously it’s only been two weeks. I love him so much but he has tons of issues such as depression, anxiety, body image, etc. it sounds like a lot of baggage but he’s broken up with me twice before and comes back after a little while. Idk if this is it for the last time. What should I do? Start over with NC? I get so many mixed signals from him. One day he says this is my decision and the next day he says I want to leave the door open. Ugh

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi lauren,

      If you didn’t reply to that, then nc wasn’t broken..but if you’re not actively improving yourself then you do need to restart nc.. that’s good that you’re sticking to it…he needs to realize that he can’t be hot and cold and try to pass the blame on you with those kind of texts

  20. Nicole - 0

    Nicole

    Hello 🙂 I’m really confused with my situation me and my ex dated for 4 years .We had a great relationship but 5 months ago we broke up.I broke up with him without thinking that he was going to take it serious I begged for him back and ofcourse it didn’t work .My ex even through out the break always promised to be there for me which he has but about a month ago i contacted him n he told me he doesn’t love me anymore .After that i was broken n did the no contact rule for 45 days .He never contacted me so I reached out about a week ago and it went great he txted me like he was enticed to hear from me .so I txt him 2 days later and I get no reply.All my friends live close to him so I call him to see if he was willing to see me and he agreed .When we saw each other it was like as if we were bestfriend even though I could tell he was trying to avoid looking at me I asked him if he missed me and he said yes we hugged many times n it was very emotional but when I asked him why he didn’t reply to my txt messages he told me that everytime I contact him he gets annoyed and angry because he gets reminded of the bad things and he looks very emotional talking about our relationship .He keeps telling me that he wants to be alone and focus on himself because with me if really hard for him to put himself first .He keeps telling me that hes always busy but I know his lying because we both share Netflix accounts and all he does is watch my favorite shows .understand I hurt him but never to the extend for him to act like this I was extremely loyal and I really care for him but we broke up because the last months of our relationship I put myself firsts and my friends because my ex didn’t want to do anything like go out and have fun .I really want to talk to him but I’m scared to push him away even more and I’m scared that time is going by .help me please I’m very confused

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hi Nicole,

      how are active were you in nc and did you continue the activities after nc? because it looks like he still sees the old you

    • Nicole - 0

      Nicole

      Well I didn’t spoke to him at all for 45 days ,what activities do you mean ? Im not sure whether to txt him or leave him alone I haven’t talked to him since the last time I saw him

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      working out, going to the gum, joining a class, meeting and going out with new friends, meeting old friends and relatives, having a makeover, having a sport..

    • Nicole - 0

      Nicole

      Yes ,I’ve been doing new things trying to improve myself I just don’t understand why he gets annoyed if I txt him when I don’t even contact him every week I just don’t know what do about this situation ,should I leave him alone for another month or txt him once in a while

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it can either mean he sees you as the old you and it’s not safe to be friends with you yet or he’s just not ready to talk yet.. so, yeah I think it’s better if you give it another month

  21. Susan Dell - 0

    Susan Dell

    Email from ex after 6 months of NC:

    “I hope this finds you well. I’ve wanted to peek my head out and say
    something to you for quite some time now, but I’ve always been
    terrified of the thought. You told me I would reach out to you, and
    that was a big reason I why I didn’t until now. But it is a silly
    reason, and I just would feel better if I sent you a line or two. I
    don’t have any expectations for this or hope to achieve anything
    really. Best case I hear back from you, and worse case nothing happens
    and I just waste my breathe. At least I now I’ll feel better knowing
    I’ve said what I’ve had to say, and hopefully you will too.

    I hope you understand why things happened the way they did and don’t
    hate me for them. The situation had become toxic and something needed
    to be done. And every time I think about it, I feel the same way, it
    was the most difficult thing I’ve done in my life. But it needed to be
    done, for the both of us. And I was right too, you know. I knew then
    what I still know now, that I will never love anyone again. It will
    never happen. And I told you that, I told you I would never have again
    what we had. But things were bad, and I hope we’ve both learned a lot
    about ourselves and about each other since then.

    I do wish things happened differently. I really do hope you take the
    time to read this, and think about all I’ve said, and not dismiss it.
    That’s all I ask of you. I don’t know exactly where you are in your
    life now, and if you’d rather not bring this up again, I understand.
    Just know that I always think of you, and still feel you very much a
    part of me. Your venom still courses my veins, just as it did when I
    wrote that poem for you.”

    Are these just breadcrumbs? I am left confused by the end of the letter because, for one, he says he didn’t reach out to me because I told him all of the guys who have left me have returned but, as the email implies, he is not returning to reconcile anything with me or work things out, he is just reaffirming what he’s said all along as we were headed towards our breakup. The stuff he said at the end made me furious because he it was so unnecessary especially because the gist of the email was coming from a selfish place–where he needed to absolve guilt for dumping me. I don’t know…that’s how I interpret it. Also, I could tell from all of the breaks in his sentences in the email compared to his reply to mine that he had written the letter in a different program and copied & pasted it into the inbox.

    This was my reply back to him a day later:

    “I agree that the breakup was for the better. I’m in a better place right now and hopefully you are too. Take care.”
    and this was his reply 10 min later:

    His reply:
    “I’m very happy to hear you’re in a better place. Hope things stay that way. As for me, well there’s the good and there’s the bad. Take care of yourself as well. I’m glad to have heard back from you.”

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Susan,

      yeah it looks like he is feeling guilty and wanting to reconnect, do uou?

  22. Pam - 0

    Pam

    ******I used my real name in error on the initial post please don’t approve that one !!!******

    His initial contact with me is angry. Trying to make me feel like it is all my fault and sending angry texts demanding I come over. I genuinely am pretty turned off by his recent behaviour but I know if he moves on it will hurt. But I’m not caving to his angry rude texts. So then I get a Go F*** myself text (twice). And a promise I won’t hear from him again. There’s no way I am caving on this childish behaviour. Why would I go to his place when he demands it angrily? If he wants to make up why doesn’t he drop the anger? It’s been over a week since the fight and breakup. I apologized for my part the next day (I really got told off then. .. you’re a f***ing bitch burn in hell). Burn in hell!! Really? I’m supposed to believe this person cares? Lol.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Pam,

      it’s deleted..why did you break up and do you mean you just did one week nc or you didn’t do it?

    • Pam - 0

      Pam

      I haven’t contacted at all. He initiates. I do answer because usually things blow over. But he is livid this time and never let’s it go. And his anger is not proportional to what I did at all. I can’t figure out if he is really hurt that we are apart or if he is complete sociopath who is just angry to have lost control. I haven’t said one mean word. Haven’t lost my temper. Just one word responses. Then I get told off again. Like speaking abusivEly to me is supposed to be him looking to reconcile? I don’t get it. At all. He needs to grow up and learn how to communicate like a grown ass man. I have no problem doing no contact I am pretty turned off. I miss our happy times but it all seems fake now.

  23. Hershey - 0

    Hershey

    Hi, so my bf and I broke up 4 days ago. He just told me he is done with our relationship. We used to be together everyday until 2 weeks ago he went to the other country which is far away from me and then we used to videochat until he became distant and told me he just wanna hang-out with his friends. He even told me I am disturbing him and I annoyed him and told me that instead of enjoying his vacation, he was on his phone talking to me. I begged him to come back and kept texting him and calling him and he said it annoys him. Until i found this site. I stopped texting him though we text everyday with casual talks. I just stopped and then he kept texting me even though i am just giving him a “seen” sign on facebook. Is it possible that we could be together again even if he insist that he doesn’t want to be with me anymore? Maybe he just got pressured because this is the first time that we are far from each other..

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Hershey,

      I think he got annoyed because he wants to fun first,just during his stay there and you’re not letting him miss you.. but yes, I think you have a chance if you take this time to be busy and to go out more with your friends too..

  24. Marie - 0

    Marie

    So it all started when my ex stopped talking to me because I was too clingy and so after about a week or so he talked to my friend (let’s call her melanie) and told her that it was over and came up with ridiculous excuses for what he did. after that i didn’t try to contact him and whenever I posted something on social media the next day he would do the same. it’s like he thought that every single thing I post is meant for him. after that I decided to start the no contact rule, but after about a week I ran into him in the street and he looked at me intensely as if he wanted to talk to me or was expecting a reaction from me, I didn’t do anything and kept walking. that night he waited till I was online on facebook and texted me saying “happy holiday” like nothing’s happened and of course I ignored the message. Now about a month has passed and I didn’t post anything on social media since then and neither did he, but the moment I changed my instagram description (which only the ones that check my instagram page can see) he posted 2 pictures with girls and started being super active on social media like facebook etc… I still didn’t show any reaction or interest in what he was doing. 2 days later he texted that my friend melanie and told her “are you still in contact with stephany ?” – “who’s stephany?” – “my ex” – “I don’t know any girl named stephany, I only know your ex marie” – “oh yeah sorry I meant marie” – “that trick is kinda old you know?” – “what trick?” – “nothing and no I didn’t see her for about a month”.
    and that’s where the conversation stops with no reply from him. Now what I want to know is if those are the “anger signs” that are mentioned in this article and if he still didn’t move on.. Please help.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Marie,

      not really angry.. it looks like he has a big ego.. and he doesn’t like looking defeated..

  25. Karen - 0

    Karen

    Hi, my boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago. We met at a 6 months study in the country, where we, and 90 other people, lived, ate and studied together. So we had litterally been together everyday, for 6 months. We got together a week in. He broke up with me 1 and a half week before the last day, and I was devastated. He kept saying that he thought it was a really difficult decision, though he could never actually give me a complete reason of why he wanted to break up. He was all “what do you want me to say?” – every time I asked him, and mostly seemed like he was afraid to talk to me, or even touch me. Cause he just acted so COLD. He treated me like crap, and didn’t know how to act anymore. He either ignored me, or got angry with me, when we spoke, even though HE was the one who broke up! And then the worst thing, which irritates me, and makes me so sad! Is that he didn’t hang out with any of his usual friends. He EXCLUSIVELY hung out with a girl, who he knows I always felt weird about his “friendship” too. Cause when they were together, she would just sit and bitch, and cause he is so sweet, he would nod, and agree. Manipulative girl. She is kind of similar to myself in some ways (tall, strong-willed), but not kind! An angry, doubled-standard, self righteous, bitch, who you only talk to, if you have something or someone to bitch about! But I saw them every f.. day, walking around together, LAUGHING, and eeeevery evening, the two of them watched movies together!! So I asked him if there was anything going on, and he promised me that they were only friends, and we had another argument, beacuse I said I missed talking to him, and just wanted to give him a hug, but he got angry, WTF? he got angry?? jesus… And then a couple of night later she slept at his room! And he is NOT the type who likes that, he doesn’t get intimate with anyone! he is very introvert, and thinks everything through, and I have been the ONLY one, aaaal semester, doing anything with him in his room! He has never even brought a friend with him, to talk or nothing before! And I was so sad, and thought they had been cudling, or worse, all night, and got so angry! But he said nothing happened. And his roomie said they slept far apart all night. But then WHY not tell her to go to her own bed? what is the point? Jesus! its not like she lives more than 10 feet away… And I was sad all over again. Why was he acting so cold, when neither of us have never been so close to another human being being before? how can he just bluntly throw me away like that? How can he not be sad? And how can he tell me, only 5 days later, that he is already ‘over me’ while shrugging like a puppy? And when I tried to talk to him about anything real, he just gets angry and bitchy. Never seen him like this before! Didn’t even know he had it in him! I don’t know who this person is, and it is frightening to think I have been so close to someone like that! Please help me understand his mind. Cause it is confusing. He says he is happy about the solution, but keeps acting sad! (guess thats why he’s angry..?) but then why cut me out totally? And not tell me “the truth” ? And how can he suddenly care so little about me, that he just ignores me, and hangs out exlusively with another woman. Acting like he doesn’t think I would mind.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi karen,

      You said he broke up with you 1 and a half week before the last day, do you live far from each other?

  26. Ashley - 0

    Ashley

    I’m lost as to what to do here. A breakup has always been on my terms, and I’ve always felt on-off again relationships were stupid. But four days ago, my boyfriend of 10 months broke it off with me, telling me he “felt no passion in our relationship.” We are both young, I’m 17 and he’s 16. But throughout the course of our relationship we’d talk about our future together, living together, marriage, children, everything. We even exchanged promise rings (We’re mostly long distance but I went to visit him occasionally.) I love him so much and I thought he loved me, but he seems to be doing fine without me. I’m trying to establish NC but he’ll invite me to play games, or get in a Skype call with our mutual friends, and he’ll try to talk to me (even though I don’t respond most of the time) and all I want is a chance for us to start over, and do it right, but I fear that every time we talk, that chance becomes smaller and smaller. And even then, if we stop talking, wouldn’t he just go on his way, and forget about me?

    Reply
  27. Tiphy - 0

    Tiphy

    I dated this guy for more than two years. Two weeks ago, I broke up with him because lately he had been changing a lot. He was under a lot of stress and taking it out on me. So, the day I broke up with him, he had to go to a wedding and I asked him if he could send a message once he was back. He answered badly and told me I was controlling him, maybe because of his stressful situations. But, he had never had problems sending a message before, and now when i ask for one he decides im controlling him. However, I couldn’t take it anymore and I broke up with him. Since that day he hasnt talked to me. He wouldnt even answer a good morning when I greeted him at work. I talked to him trying to fix things but he said that because i told him to walk away and because i broke up with him, i shouldnt talk to him, and he reacted sooo badly. Later, he blocked me on whatsapp. I blocked him too. He doesnt have FB so whatsapp was the only way we could commumicate.
    This would be my 3rd day of no contact because i wanted to fix things but he is just so mad that he wants me away.
    Dont know if he still wants to be with me or if its really over.
    I wish I could ask him bout his decisiom but im trying to stick to no comtact. My heart tells me it is really over and that I should not think of getting back together, which makes me even sadder
    What else could I do? Is there hope?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Tiphy,

      YOu work together so you’re doing limited contact? are you actively improving yourself?

    • Tiphy - 0

      Tiphy

      He called and I broke NC. He was very busy so we agreed on talking whenever he could, Till all of a sudden he told me we should stop talking on weekends because he needs time with his family and to do household chores. He has always spent time with his family, done his stuff, but found a way to keep in touch. So, i got really mad and told him to stop talking to me then. He has been on vacation since this last fight. He sent me a message after 3 days asking if he could go to the office or if i did the favor he had asked before the fight. I told him it was not necessary to come and that ill get in charge. He got angry and called me stupid and said to leave job and personal issues separated. It hurt his calling me ‘stupid’. I stopped talking again and other 3 days passed. He talked to me with another excuse today, a favor for my aunt so i had to reply. We talked and ended up fighting again. I’m meeting him on Thursday to get my aunt’s stuff. How can i ignore him if his messages cannot be ignored because they are related to job or to things needed to be done?

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      just talk about thise things only and don’t respond to anything else

    • Tiphy - 0

      Tiphy

      So I met him yesterday to pick up what my aunt needed. It was smthg really heavy and he did not help at all. As I knew he wouldnt help, i talked to our colleague and he was willing to help me. When we met, he greeted our colleague but not me. I paid him for those things and that was it. I didnt go further. Should I do a 30-day or 60-day NC?

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      try just 45 days

    • Tiphy - 0

      Tiphy

      Hello its been a month already since the last time i wrote… During no contact, he has tried to contact me saying that he missed me… However as we work together, i tried to keep things as limited as possible and he has been acting as if i were his enemy or sth. Yesterday, i wanted to give him a piece of bread cuz he said he had no food, but when i offered it he rejected it in a bad way and said horrible things to me like im fake and that he doesnt expect me to do things for him anymore or help him cuz ive changed (because of no contact i changed all the attention i used to give him) Ill continue with the limited contact, but i have to admit the way he treats me is so hurtful. He is prone to attack me whenever i say or do sth. Dunno if he ever loved me or if he wants to come back with me but ill continue w my life. You should write an article like what to do when your ex boyfriend becomes really mean. Hahaha. Thanks for reading

    • Chris Seiter - 4
    • Tiphy - 0

      Tiphy

      Thanks! Ive already read them all. He acted as a jerk haha
      Today, he had called 5 times before I answered and he apologized for his behavior. I said thanks and we said goodbye. Im also blocked at WhatsApp. Anyway, Ive decided to keep the limited contact at work until the 45 days are completed.
      Thanks for the support with the articles!

  28. Brittney - 0

    Brittney

    So I was in a almost 6 year relationship and my ex fiance cheated on me and we broke up November 2015. It was so hard for me and I was completely lost I saw everything from our phone records statement and even when he said he wasnt contacting these females he was. It was a side of him I had never seen before so when the new year hit I went cold turkey and stop contact all together. Well he continued to contact me and when i changed my number he contacted me through my email. It was like no matter what he found a way. Finally I broke in because I missed him and talked to him and gave him my new number. We talked and he would just send random texts and acting weird he asked me out and took me out to eat but I got mad at him because the second date he told me we couldn’t hang out because he didn’t have money but I felt he was lying. He did send me a screen shot of what he had in the bank but I just felt hurt. Then I got upset with him after that because I found out that one of the girls he cheated on me with he was staying over night with. I was like it felt like reliving the pain he put me through. So I changed my number again and my birthday came 6.16 him and i use to share a phone that he took with him after the breakup so he looked through that phone and contacted my mother and told her to wish me happy birthday. I thanked him and he asked me if he could have my new # and i gave it to him again because he said he wouldn’t just randomly send me messages and act normal like talk and stuff. Since then we have text each other and I asked him why he keeps contacting me and he said he made some mistakes and that Im like one of his best friends and that he miss talking to me. The other day he said he wanted to right his wrongs and that he lives with regrets and have had feelings of what ifs. I dont know what to think of all this I just am trying to accept friendship. I dont know

    Reply
  29. tori - 0

    tori

    My ex and I dated for almost 5 months. Every relationship I have ever had before that didnt last for over a month because i was just not the type of girl to have a long term relationship, until i met him. he totally swept me off my feet and everything was going good till the last month. i am very self conscious about myself and he is a farmer so there were some days where he did not talk to me at all and i got very upset and it caused a lot of fights. this caused our breakup, we fought way too much. there was a point to where we put a stop to the fighting and everything was amazing but for only like two weeks. we spent every day together almost and every weekend. he was my best friend and i am so emotionally devastated. he wanted me to change how self conscious i was and kinda fix myself and i am doing that now. i have tried the NC rule but it broke because he texted me and asked me to come hangout while he was working. we hung out for three days in a row after that. then a couple more times. whenever we hangout he acts like we are dating. he puts his hand on my thigh and puts his arm around me and its so amazing but he tells me he does not know what he wants. he told me not to wait but i cant help but do so until he figures it out. he tells his brother (who tells me without him knowing) that we are probably going to get back together, and that he has hope for us, and that we are working on things, ect. but he doesnt tell me that. i constantly talk to him about it and he doesnt like to but i always make the mistake of talking about it. i am honestly more confused than i have ever been in my life. please help me 🙁

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Tori,

      do you want to do active nc?

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