Warning Signs That Your Ex Boyfriend Wants YOU Back

This may be shocking to hear, especially after your ex treated you so poorly after your breakup, but he may secretly want you back. One of the most asked questions I get on this site, aside from “how do I get my ex back” is “how do I know that my ex boyfriend actually wants me back?” In this article I am going to take an in-depth look at the male psyche and try to give you a resource that you can refer to if you want to know if he wants you back. No, this is not an exact science but I have found that time and time again an ex who is really missing his girl exhibits the signs laid out on this page.

Side Note: If you are an avid reader of my site you may be thinking that this article is similar to the signs your ex still loves you. While I will admit that this article has a similar preface it is taking a much different approach and it is my goal to make this as informative as possible.

The Rundown Of This Page

Did you know that an ex will exhibit certain signs when he begins to want you back? This page is going to explore those signs essentially giving you a checklist to watch out for. Now, I am not going to pretend to know everything (because I don’t.) There may be signs that I left out of this page that he could exhibit and there may be signs on this page that he could exhibit (but still doesn’t want you back.) However, what I will tell you is that I have a lot of experience dealing with these situations so the signs that you see listed below will most likely mean your ex is seriously regretting his decision to not be with you. I will be covering things like

  • Understanding the male mind after a breakup.
  • The importance of anger and how to understand it.
  • And how the no contact rule fits into all of this.

Lets talk a little about what this page will not cover now. I know that I am known as the “breakup guy.” I am proud to announce that I have helped multiple women get back with their exes. However, this page doesn’t really talk about that too much. It is assumed that you want your ex back but all this page is designed to do is help you understand if HE wants YOU back. Now, if your are past that and just want to know exactly what to do to get him back then I would like to direct you to Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO, my E-Book. In there you can learn the exact steps you need to implement in order to get an ex back. I will leave a link below for you to click on but for now lets just dive right in to the warning signs ;).

Click Here For Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO

The Male Mind After A Breakup

male mind

I thought a great way to kick off this particular article was with a look at the male mind after a breakup. As many of you know I am a male so I can give a very unique perspective on how to get your ex back by getting inside the mind of your guy. Contrary to popular belief men do actually have feelings. Now, I would say that 95% of the people reading this are women. At your core you are very emotional creatures. You aren’t afraid to cry when you need to cry or feel when you need to feel. I have learned that women are very in touch with their emotions.

Funny story actually, I remember having a friend in high school (she was a girl) that was literally all over the place emotionally. She wouldn’t be afraid to cry in class or do any other overemotional things. The funny part was how fast she would bounce back after these emotional outbursts. You would see her an hour later and she would be carrying on like nothing happened. It always struck me as bizarre but as I thought more and more about it I began to realize that women are much better at handling their emotions than men are.

Sure, a guy can cry after a breakup but what I am talking about here goes much deeper than that. Men shun true emotions after a breakup. I can remember my own breakup and how I handled it. I had been dating this girl for almost a year and at the end it was really… rocky. I remember after we broke up I felt completely free. It felt like weights had been lifted off of my shoulders. I remember thinking “this isn’t so bad.” Of course, a few days later I began to realize just how bad a breakup can be as the emotions hit me. I didn’t know what to do with them. I had never felt the type of things I was experiencing. (It was my first breakup ever.)

Every guy has a different way of handling a breakup. Me, I became a recluse for a while and decided to focus on myself. Other guys will create a defense mechanism that prevents any girl in the future from every penetrating it (George Clooney.) Of course, there is also the rebound guy that starts getting into new relationships immediately after your breakup.

Key Takeaways From This Section

  • Women know how to deal with emotions, men do not.
  • It can sometimes take a few days for the “emotions” to kick in for a guy after a breakup.
  • Every guy has a unique way of handling a breakup (defense mechanism, recluse, rebound.)

Anger Isn’t Always A Bad Thing

angry meme

Now we are diving into the meat of this article! There is a common misconception going around that I would like to take a moment to dispel.

Common Misconception- If your ex is angry it means he doesn’t want you back.


In fact, I would be more worried if your ex wasn’t angry with you in some way shape or form. Also, you have to keep in mind that sometimes your ex could be doing a phenomenal job at hiding his anger so I will admit that it isn’t always easy to tell if your boyfriend is angry at you. Anyways, back to the point here. Hate isn’t the opposite of love, apathy is.

You see, any time he displays any form of anger aimed towards you (yelling, talking bad about you to his friends, talking bad about you to you) women take it personally. I can understand why they take it personally too, after all, no one likes to be called a bit$% or get yelled at in the street. Nevertheless, lets try to take a deeper look into what is going through the mind of a man who is doing these types of things.

I will not lie to you, I have gotten into a shouting match with a girlfriend before. I have yelled at the top of my lungs and said some really horrible stuff. While I am certainly ashamed of these things I think I have found a way to put these horrible memories to use, by helping you out.

Any time I have done anything like this I have been extremely “emotionally invested” with the person I was talking to. I cared about them on a very deep level and because of that deep level every action that they performed was magnified. I wasn’t yelling because deep down I hated the person or never wanted to be with them again. I yelled because I cared about them in some twisted way.

I know, I know it is really twisted but that is literally how a guys mind works. So, that is the first sign I would say that you should look for to determine if your ex wants you back.

Key Takeaways From This Section

  • If your ex is angry with you it doesn’t mean he doesn’t want you back.
  • It can be tricky to tell if an ex is angry with you because some of them do a good job at hiding it.
  • Usually anger means your ex is emotionally invested in you.

How The No Contact Rule Can Work As A Warning Sign

no contact meme

If you are an avid reader of this website then you know that I am a huge fan of the no contact rule. In fact, sometimes I feel like a broken record repeating the same advice over and over. No contact rule this, no contact rule that. It may shock you to learn that the NC rule can actually be used as a test to see if your ex wants you back.

Men in general like to think very highly of themselves. However, when you add in the fact that he has a girl wanting him his ego can get really inflated. One of my best friends described this phenomenon perfectly. He would tell me that he used to go to the gym to please girls. He wanted a “hot” body so that girls would fall over themselves just to have a chance to be with him. He says that he remembers going to the gym and being pretty arrogant because he had the “fitness model” body. Now, keep in mind at this point my friend didn’t have a girlfriend this was just how he saw himself.

Of course, a few years later when he was in a relationship with a girl his trips to the gym were completely different. He walked around thinking he was a king. He was “preselected” by women and it gave him an ego you wouldn’t believe. In his mind he could do no wrong. He didn’t even have to work out anymore. A man feels like an absolute god when he knows there is a girl that likes him.

Now, lets apply this knowledge to your ex. At this point, it doesn’t matter who broke up with who. You want him back and chances are he knows it. This fact alone will inflate his ego to an extraordinary level because in his mind he has you wrapped around his finger.


no contact baby memeWhen you add in the no contact rule suddenly the dynamic changes. He is expecting you to call him a million times during the breakup, do the emotional dance and even get on your knees and beg for him to come back to you. Only if you do a strict no contact rule he begins to wonder why you aren’t doing what you are supposed to do in begging for him back. Soon, he begins to worry that you have moved on so he reaches out to you, only you don’t respond.

Oh, now he is getting angry. In his mind he is this god who can have any woman he wants (because he had you) and you have the audacity to ignore his call? Anger on his part during the no contact rule is the next warning sign. I know it sounds crazy. How can an upset ex be a good thing? Again, it means he is emotionally invested in what you think and do.

There are a few things I would still like to point out though. The warning sign here is only shown if HE initiates contact during the no contact period. So, he has to call you/text you/facebook you/email you and then YOU have to ignore him. His reaction to you ignoring him is the sign for him wanting you back. The more upset he gets the more your value rises to him. I know that sounds weird, I mean, I am basically saying you want your ex to get upset. However, lets look at it on a logical level.

If he is this upset by your freeze out during the no contact rule we know that it means he is emotionally invested in you. It’s important that you don’t engage him because you want the dynamic to be that you are in control at all times. Him always having to work to get you will kind of turn him on a little bit because guys always want what they can’t have. Also, if he realizes that he is constantly chasing or having to work to get you your value will raise in his eyes. Instead of being the crazy ex girlfriend you will be the one that got away.

Pssstt… (Men always want the one that got away!)

Key Takeaways From This Section

  • In order for this warning sign to manifest you have to implement the no contact rule which you can learn more about here.
  • Men have big egos to start with but when they know they are “preselected” by girls their ego shoots through the roof.
  • If your ex boyfriend gets upset at you during the NC rule for not responding to him it means he is emotionally invested.
  • The more upset he gets during the NC period the more your value will rise to him.

Moving On A Little Quickly Now Aren’t We?

moving on meme

Men deal with breakups in all kinds of different ways. I actually alluded to this at the beginning of the article but I really didn’t go too far in-depth because I knew I was going to be talking about it here. Well, perhaps I should be a little more specific, I am going to be talking about one particular way that men deal with a breakup that is a surefire warning sign that he is not over you yet and may want you back in the future.

I hear a lot of stories every single day. As I am writing this article I am looking at my un-moderated comments. Shockingly, it is kind of low as there are only 33 I haven’t answered yet. Now, I can make you one guarantee about these 33 comments. When I do get to them later tonight there will be one or two that sound like this:

Chris, my ex and I dated for three years. We broke up a week ago but I wish I had found your site earlier because I have made so many mistakes that you say not to make. I called him too much and basically begged to get him back. I am afraid I scared him off because now he is dating this other girl….

Every single day I literally have a comment that looks like that. While I am absolutely thrilled to be getting these types of comments so early in this sites history I sometimes feel like some people don’t read what I am recommending and just decide to comment. But that is besides the point.

The point is that I chose this particular type of comment to discuss in this section because it is a potential warning sign that your ex boyfriend is not over you. As I said, every guy has a different way of dealing with a breakup. This particular type of guy immediately goes on the prowl looking for a woman to take away his pain.

Instead of doing the smart thing and letting a certain amount of time to go by, so he can heal, he tries to replace the hole in his heart with someone else, someone new. In the relationship industry we like to call this a “rebound relationship.” That is your sign. If he very quickly moves on after your relationship it is going to hurt you no doubt. However, you need to take a step back and look at things in a more “big picture” perspective. In most cases, rebound relationships don’t last. Don’t believe me? Take a look at the article I linked to above.

Key Takeaways From This Section

  • Men have different ways of dealing with breakups.
  • One of the most common ways is to go on the prowl for girls to fill the hole that you left in his heart.
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753 Responses to Warning Signs That Your Ex Boyfriend Wants YOU Back
  1. Arusa
    January 27, 2015 | 1:57 am

    Hey Chris,

    I commented previously and didnt hear back from you so you asked me to ask you again; here goes. Me and my boyfriend had been together for 4 years and things were rough at first and then he completly changed and starte giving me time and attention and i loved it to be honest i mean who wouldnt. But then i started lying to him and being all suspicious and i have been that over the years but i suppose he always kept giving me chances and eventually at the begining of last year he started to become distant with me again. Before i knew it he just told me he wanted to “take a step back” and i should focus on myself and he needs time to clear his head. Over the space of the time he became more and more angry and horrible to me. Then he changed and he was alot nicer. We do still speak to each other and see each other and we even hug and kiss but ive never known whats going on in his head. This has been happening for 7 months now almost and im really lost and confused and upset. When we meet up we usually have a really nice time together and i even told him ‘i love you once’ and he took a few moments and i persuaded him but he said i love you too back. And i was soo happy but when i asked him to get back together he said he didnt want to talk about it or answer any questions. After that we went home he was okay we exchanged some nice texts that night baring in mind this was the first time during this 7 month period he told me he loved me in the past when i would say it he would just say thankyou or cool. But after those texts for a week he ignored me and he tends to do that alot we have a nice time together and hes involved as much as i am and then he becomes cold and distant when we go home. There will be the odd day where he picks up my calls and we have a nice convo but once we meet up hes distant again. Then one of the days he was being really weird with me over the fne and i just brought up how we spend time together and its nice and he just said “yeah its nice we have a chit chat” and that annoyed me and i said well we do hug and kiss and he goes “yeah we need to lay off that” im like you initiate it and he blamed it on me. That i try to hug him and kiss him i do ask him for a hug but he does kiss me by his own will too. And when i say why cant you control yourself he responded “i can but i dont want to upset you so i go ahead with it” like how rude. I know i get upset if he doesnt hug me or kiss me but why is he blaming it on me? He goes “i told you im taking a step back chillaxing”. I go that was 7 months ago now almost and he goes ” i told you its not working out”. Then when i said to him you told me you loved me the other day and withing a split second he said “that was in the moment.” Like how? How do you tell someone you love them too in the moment? Can that happen? And he hasnt had a moment like this before so why now? Im just scared i dont want to lose him and i really want him back and i will change but he feels like i wont becauseni havent in the past. Please help me get a better understanding of his mind because its driving me crazy. I love him alot and i want to work this out. Im afraid if i dont contact him for 30 days hell move on. Ive done it for 4 days then i end up giving in and he can be really horrible sometimes. Please help me im desperate. also i cant remember the last time he picked up the fne and rang me or text me
    Himself. He’ll usually respond to my calls like ill call you back inabit or let me call you back and he never does. Or if he does he tells me to call him its like hes trying to save his credit but who for? Or maybe im overthinking i do tend to do that. Sometimes he tells me he wants to spend time with me or says he wants to go out to eat together then ignored me. Im confused sometimes he makes me feel like itll all be okay and the next hes being cold and distant again.

    Please help me. I really want him back.

    Kindest regards,

    • admin
      January 27, 2015 | 2:58 pm

      Thank you!

      He is really giving you a lot of mixed signals, huh?

      I really don’t think hed move on in 30 days if you don’t contact him. You could be hurtin gyour chances by remaining in contact actually.

  2. Sarah
    January 25, 2015 | 10:11 pm

    Forgot to mention that he has a rebound girl.. We have been broken up 9 weeks and spoke every week up until the no contact period.

    • admin
      January 26, 2015 | 3:54 pm

      How long has he been dating the rebound.

      • Sarah
        January 26, 2015 | 8:44 pm

        Couple weeks I assume? Not 100% sure he’s someone who dates lots of girls at the same time, he was single for 5 years before me he’s exactly like George clooney like u described so I have no idea if there’s more than one or just her

        • admin
          January 27, 2015 | 2:41 pm

          Yup, couple of weeks.

          Umm what gives you th efeeling that there could be more girls?

  3. Sarah
    January 25, 2015 | 10:08 pm

    Day 20/30 he sent me snapchat this week and the week before and I havnt responded obviously because I am very disciplined, I’ve had no test messages though… But now he has deleted me from Instagram.. Does this mean he’s over me and has moved on? Or do u think my awsome fun photos are making him angry and he had to delete me?

  4. Arusa
    January 23, 2015 | 9:34 pm


    Could you please reply to my previous comments please i really need your help.

    Kindest regards,

    • admin
      January 26, 2015 | 2:16 pm

      Could you just ask me again?

      That would be more helpful.

  5. Sarah
    January 23, 2015 | 7:17 am

    You mentioned in this post that the ex bf could initiate contact (text/email/facebook message) with the ex gf, and then the ex gf should just ignore him (per the NC rule, obviously).

    But what if the way he initiates contact doesn’t allow for her to directly contact him back?

    Example: My NC period started a little over a week ago. My ex is still a follower on my Instagram (I’m assuming because most guys don’t delete girls the way girls do that to guys, and not because he just wants to spy on me). Today he “liked” two of my posts.. one that I posted 6 days ago and one that I posted yesterday.

    Which possibility is greater?

    A) he’s letting me know he’s thinking about me and trying to hint that it’s ok if I contacted him directly; OR

    B) I’m just over-anayzing this and it really just means that he likes the pictures – nothing more, nothing less.

    I tried to search in your archives for the answer to this first but only found examples of direct contact vs indirect contact. Oh, and don’t worry… I haven’t contacted him and don’t plan on it.

    • admin
      January 23, 2015 | 4:39 pm

      No, I think there is more to a guy liking pictures than normal. I think it does mean something. However, I also do think you are overanalyzing. It means something yes but not the biggest thing in the world.

      Good sign though.

  6. Linda
    January 22, 2015 | 8:48 pm

    I have a question why would my ex block me off Facebook if we haven’t even talked in 6 months why do that now and not before can someone explain to me this ?? Thanks God bless

    • admin
      January 23, 2015 | 4:15 pm

      Maybe because every time he sees your face it brings up unresolved feelings?

  7. Chloe
    January 22, 2015 | 12:55 pm

    My ex and I broke up 9 months ago, I broke up with him and he was really upset I went through the normal grieving process and then decided I want him back I miss him and miss how we used to be I don’t know if he wants me back too he has been hanging around with me more lately and it kind of feels like it used to . He did the whole date a girl straight away thing and it didn’t last but how do I tell him how I feel after I hurt him so badly?

  8. Arusa
    January 13, 2015 | 1:53 am

    also i cant remember the last time he picked up the fne and rang me or text me
    Himself. He’ll usually respond to my calls like ill call you back inabit or let me call you back and he never does. Or if he does he tells me to call him its like hes trying to save his credit but who for? Or maybe im overthinking i do tend to do that. Sometimes he tells me he wants to spend time with me or says he wants to go out to eat together then ignored me. Im confused sometimes he makes me feel like itll all be okay and the next hes being cold and distant again.

  9. Arusa
    January 13, 2015 | 1:48 am

    Hey Chris,

    Im usually not the type to comment or ask someone for help like this but like they say desperate times call for desperate mesaures. Me and my boyfriends had been together for 4 years and things were rough at first and then he completly changed and starte giving me time and attention and i loved it to be honest i mean who wouldnt. But then i started lying to him and being all suspicious and i have been that over the years but i suppose he always kept giving me chances and eventually at the begining of last year he started to become distant with me again. Before i knew it he just told me he wanted to “take a step back” and i should focus on myself and he needs time to clear his head. Over the space of the time he became more and more angry and horrible to me. Then he changed and he was alot nicer. We do still speak to each other and see each other and we even hug and kiss but ive never known whats going on in his head. This has been happening for 7 months now almost and im really lost and confused and upset. When we meet up we usually have a really nice time together and i even told him ‘i love you once’ and he took a few moments and i persuaded him but he said i love you too back. And i was soo happy but when i asked him to get back together he said he didnt want to talk about it or answer any questions. After that we went home he was okay we exchanged some nice texts that night baring in mind this was the first time during this 7 month period he told me he loved me in the past when i would say it he would just say thankyou or cool. But after those texts for a week he ignored me and he tends to do that alot we have a nice time together and hes involved as much as i am and then he becomes cold and distant when we go home. There will be the odd day where he picks up my calls and we have a nice convo but once we meet up hes distant again. Then one of the days he was being really weird with me over the fne and i just brought up how we spend time together and its nice and he just said “yeah its nice we have a chit chat” and that annoyed me and i said well we do hug and kiss and he goes “yeah we need to lay off that” im like you initiate it and he blamed it on me. That i try to hug him and kiss him i do ask him for a hug but he does kiss me by his own will too. And when i say why cant you control yourself he responded “i can but i dont want to upset you so i go ahead with it” like how rude. I know i get upset if he doesnt hug me or kiss me but why is he blaming it on me? He goes “i told you im taking a step back chillaxing”. I go that was 7 months ago now almost and he goes ” i told you its not working out”. Then when i said to him you told me you loved me the other day and withing a split second he said “that was in the moment.” Like how? How do you tell someone you love them too in the moment? Can that happen? And he hasnt had a moment like this before so why now? Im just scared i dont want to lose him and i really want him back and i will change but he feels like i wont becauseni havent in the past. Please help me get a better understanding of his mind because its driving me crazy. I love him alot and i want to work this out. Im afraid if i dont contact him for 30 days hell move on. Ive done it for 4 days then i end up giving in and he can be really horrible sometimes. Please help me im desperate.

    Kindest regards,

  10. shei
    January 8, 2015 | 4:54 pm

    Okay. So my ex boyfriend and I broke up about 4 years ago we dated for about 2 years. Now, I am dating someone else, and so is he, he left me for someone else which is still the girl hes with now. I still felt somethig for him when we broke up so I would constantly text him but he wouldnt always answer. After about 4 months, we both stopped talking completely and we didnt speak or see eachother for about half a year after that. Then,I started seeing him again around town, we live in the same small town. After about a year and a half of our breakup he texted me. I didnt answer because I was in a relationship. Then as time went on he continued to text me every couple of weeks and just ask me how i was doing. I answered him once and he immediately asked to see me. We never met up. He has been dating this girl and I have been dating someone for about 2 years. Then, for some reason his girl gives me dirty looks when she sees me and she completely hates me, i never even knew who she was befote that and anyways its been so long since him and me were over, so why does she freak out still?. My boyfriend and i are happy together, i am no longer interested in my ex, he was the one that ended the relationship. Why does he text back now that he should know i am not interested? The few times we did speak, he would ask me if i was in a relationship then immediately ask to see me i would shut him out and tell him i am haopy because honestly I am. Its kind of getting annoying now cuz when he texts me i just remember what he did to me. I just dont get it.

    • admin
      January 19, 2015 | 3:11 pm

      Well,l if you are happy with your current boyfriend why are you having feelings for your ex?

  11. Gaby
    December 10, 2014 | 4:55 pm


    My ex broke up with me on October 25th. We were together for 3 years and leave together for one of those. One day out of the blue he told me he wasn’t as happy as he thought he should be because I’m not at home on the weekends before 4 pm. He works a 9 to 5, Monday to Friday job and I work weekends and 3 days during the week. He is also a little uncomfortable with my weight; I’m about 20 lbs overweight, the problem with this, to me, is that I’m smaller then when we met so this makes no sense to me. The first time we talk about the time issue on, a Wednesday, he said he was willing to work it out, I was supposed to change my schedule. On Saturday he say that it didn’t matter how things changed he knew himself and he wasn’t going to be happy anymore and that the idea of working on a relationship was just a romantic notion people have. I moved out of his house on Monday, a few days later I had questions and asked him out for a coffee, I told him his sedition was rush and that every couple has problems and it’s up to them to fix them. He said he didn’t want to have kids and that that he knew that was something important to me. We had already discussed this some time ago and he was OK with the idea of kids.
    I kept contacting him because he still had some of my stuff but there was always the hope that he would change his mind and come back to me. We never had problems before this, we were friend for a while before we started dating and everything else just seemed to fall into place until he broke up with me. He is very stubborn and when he makes a decision he sticks to it, he has never gone back to any of his previous girlfriend since he said he doesn’t believe on that.
    Do you think he really doesn’t want kids? Would he come back? We haven’t have any contact for 10 days and he hasn’t even try to :(

    • admin
      December 15, 2014 | 5:05 am

      Well, first things first. Lets work on you first. Lets rebuild your self esteem so you feel very confident about yourself. Once that happens the other stuff will begin to fall into place.

  12. anjali
    December 2, 2014 | 8:43 am

    but the thing is till now he didnt contact and on 10 dec m going to change my city which is in too far from my current city. wat u think this nc wil work or not?? wil he contact me before going??

  13. anjali
    December 1, 2014 | 11:24 am

    hi chris

    me and my bf was in a relationshp frm last 3 yrs. everythinh was fine till frst two yrs but we had so many fights wid each other and last tym we had a casual fight but after tat he said he dont want to continue nymore and he wants to be alone in lifr. he dont want anyone. and he also said that nw he is not feeling any love for me as i hav finished all love from fights. on my bday also he didnt cl and wished. i only called him. he said on my bday that i can talk to you twice in a month but i cant talk daily. he is not in fb nor he is coming to whatsapp more nwadays. i am going to shift another city. and i am doing nc from last 15 days but nothing happened till nw. pls reply soon wat to do. wil he come back??

    • admin
      December 1, 2014 | 3:46 pm

      Youa re only halfway through NC though.

      • anjali
        December 2, 2014 | 10:26 am

        i forgot to tell you tat we broke up 3 months back and i made all mistakes like i begged and cried alot to make him convince but he is not ready to make up again.

  14. Rachel
    October 29, 2014 | 5:37 pm

    Hi Chris,

    First of all, thanks so much for all the work you do, I’ve really learned a lot from your advice and this website! My question is this: My boyfriend of 3 years and I broke up almost 3 months ago. I did no contact like you recommended and we have briefly texted about once/twice a week since it ended. Anyways, the other day he texted me and called me back a nickname that he used back when we were together. Then the VERY NEXT day he posts a picture of himself on Facebook holding flowers for “his lady” (she was not in the picture). Before then he had not posted anything on Facebook in over a month. I know he is just trying to make me jealous, so I have continued to act calmly…Should I continue to try and reach out to him or do no contact again? Thanks

    • admin
      October 30, 2014 | 6:15 pm

      Wouldn’t it be funny if you were the lady he was referring to.

      Reach out but let a few days lapse before you do.

  15. S
    October 27, 2014 | 6:54 pm

    Hello. I’m wondering if you can help with this at all. My boyfriend and I were together for about 2 and a half years. We broke up about a month ago. Not an ugly breakup or anything. He really didn’t want to do it, but felt he had to. Said he felt like I was always bending over backwards for him but felt like he couldn’t do the same for me because he was so incredibly stressed out between work and school. His semester had been hell up to that point so I can say that this wasn’t just a cop out. Now, we have taken a break before and in that time he went out with a bunch of different girls and when we finally got back together I asked him why he did that and why he still chose me. He said it was because he constantly compared everyone else to me and nobody ever came anywhere class to measuring up to me and nobody could ever make him feel the way I do and that he thinks we were made for each other. So when we broke up he said he hopes that when school isn’t as big of an issue for him that he hopes we can be together. Of course, my fear is that he will give up on me and our relationship, but at the same time has given no indication that that is even a possibility. It just makes me nervous because we have a mutual agreement not to talk or anything now because we know how badly we want to be together and we don’t want to end up getting back together before we are ready. Plus I’ve talked to all my friends and our mutual friends who all say they think we are meant to work out and that they’re pretty sure we will end up back together in time. I guess based off of all that I’m just wondering if you think i have any reason to worry about him not coming back or giving up on me and the relationship?

    • admin
      October 28, 2014 | 4:24 pm

      I think there might be more to the reason for the breakup but all in all I think you have a good chance of a reconnection.

      • S
        October 28, 2014 | 6:36 pm

        The main reason for the breakup was because we both have individual issues we need to fix, basically the whole “you have to be happy with yourself and love yourself before you can let someone else love you” so we didn’t become too dependent. It has nothing to do with other girls if that’s what you were thinking. But thank you for your help, I’m glad you think there’s a good chance of reconnection.

        • S
          October 28, 2014 | 6:51 pm

          Basically he wants to grow and become a better person and really figure himself out so that he can be the best he can be before a relationship and he wants me to work on my confidence. The breakup has been about being able to focus on ourselves and better ourselves first, if that makes sense. But he seems to realize what we have is special and hopes it’ll work out later on.

  16. M
    October 25, 2014 | 12:58 pm

    Hey Chris,

    My ex boyfriend broke up with me almost one month ago. We have classes together so I see him pretty much everyday. And when he first broke up with me things weren’t very different bc he would still hug me and be affectionate when he saw me. I got confused and confronted him if things had really changed and why he broke up w me and he just said he “didn’t want to be in a relationship” and “wanted to live his life without the pressure of being in one”. He said he’s not interested in anybody.
    So, after that I went NC for a little bit of time and one day he saw and went to hug me and everything. Kept saying I was beautiful and said he missed me and wanted to come back. I didn’t respond anything.
    The next day I asked him why he wanted us back and he said he missed me but he tought it would be better if we were on a open relationship and I said no.
    I went on NC again and was doing my best to don’t even look at him. Yesterday, he greeted me whe we met and I just like shook my head to him greeting him back.
    Later that night he texted me saying I just greeted him for obligation. I asked why he was thinking about that and he said he didn’t know. After that I tried to keep conversation casual but he kept putting this sad faces “:(“. I asked what was wrong and he got angry.
    I was seriously laughing at the entire situation bc he kept saying he was fine and texting ironic smiles and I kept asking what was wrong with him. He still didn’t respond so I just said “Ok then. Good night” and turned off the phone.
    Do you have any idea why he got angry?

  17. Miss prisms
    October 21, 2014 | 12:50 am

    Hello, I had read your article and was wondering if you could give me advice. Well I’ve been talking,seeing this guy for two and a half years. We have been off and on and the moment he’s off he talks or sees other girls right after and at times so have talked to other guys I. But we always come back together, every time he finds someone else he’s mean to me and or angry For some time. Then cools off and we’re together again. This has been our dynamic for some time, well I have moved away and I didn’t hear from him for two months then he finally texts me are you ok did you need anything. We talked and I had explained everything and we laughed and caught up with on another. I always remained happy and upbeat and positive and when I don’t text him for awhile he’ll text me how are you doing…..always this. And he’ll be a little offended when I don’t text him often. Out of nowhere one text message was from him saying that he missed me and he wanted me there but knew I had to get my things together. So what do you think?

  18. anonymous
    September 13, 2014 | 10:12 pm

    Hi Chris!
    Thanks in advance for responding, and I totally read all your stuff before commenting and I appreciate all your wisdom. Ok so I’ve been successfully doing the NC for two weeks straight now. I was only with him for 3 months so I asked you on a different thread if I should contact him in 21 days instead of 30 and you said you thought I absolutely should. Now….I’m sort of wondering if I should wait even longer. I’ve seen some signs that he’s definitely out for the rebound/looking to fill that void inside because I know he is definitely torn about the breakup. So let’s say he does start dating this girl around the time of the 21 days when I was planning to send him a casual text…wouldn’t that be a bad idea? If his ego is being distracted by the attention of another girl and he feels “fulfilled” for the time being, chances are he will ignore me, right? Also, I get the sense (because of passive agressive subtle songs/lyrics on facebook he posts) that he wants me to grovel and in one of the songs it clearly states that he feels like a victim….and I haven’t been groveling/begging and I think it’s driving him crazy but he’s really good at hiding his anger. I don’t know if I should contact him or not! Should I wait and see if things hit off with the girl or not? Or text him on the 21st day regardless? We were madly in love by the way, he chased me really hard in the beginning and I resisted because I knew I wasn’t ready for a relationship, but finally gave in because we fell for each other hard. The timing was wrong so it didn’t work out. I almost wonder if I should let a few months go by with NC. What do you think?

  19. Kayla
    September 6, 2014 | 6:43 pm

    Hi Chris
    My ex boyfriend and I were together 6 months before we decided we wanted to have a child. Nine months into the relationship, I found out I was pregnant. Everything was storybook perfect until then. I became hormonal of course, and also lost my job on July 31, 2014. Everything went downhill from there. He moved in with his mom I had to move back in with my mom, its a mess. From the beginning when we have still hung out (he took the car) he has told me he regrets leaving like he did and he loves me more than I love him, etc. Still kisses my forehead, puts his arm around me etc. (That is practically every other day) the alternate days he says he’s confused, doesn’t know what he wants, etc. What is wrong with this guy? I forgot to mention that I four years older than him, and his mom has never given me a chance it makes me think she is behind all this. I am 4 months pregnant Now, and he says to me, how do o know it won’t be back to the same crap in a couple months… He is really stressing me out, when I need to be strong for this baby. O love him so much, but I just don’t know the best steps to take, I want nothing more than to raise this family with him.

    • admin
      September 15, 2014 | 2:58 pm

      Have you read my pregnancy article?

  20. K
    September 2, 2014 | 2:44 pm

    Hi Chris,

    I’m on day 17 of no contact and I’m so worried he’s moved on from me. He doesn’t have Facebook so I can’t really tell, but we’ve been broken up for almost two months and before I went into NC I found out he had been casually hooking up with another girl. He has a lot of issues to sort out from his past and said he needed time to do so, but I’m so scared all of the mistakes I made before NC ruined my chances. He’s only texted me once on day 12 and it was a stupid text about an Instagram post. Should I do the 21 day NC? Is he over me at this point?

    • admin
      September 3, 2014 | 2:31 pm

      Just keep doing what you are doing.

      If you are that worried about it though you can do 21 days instead of 30.

  21. admin
    September 2, 2014 | 2:27 pm

    When you did end up contacting him he was super responsive and supportive right?

    • K
      September 15, 2014 | 2:59 pm

      He was excited to hear from me! I kept the conversation short and then he texted me again later that night. I’m trying to stay positive because he’s still really unsure about whether or not he wants a relationship but he asked me to meet up and talk. I’m really nervous about keeping my emotions in check, and I’m not sure where we’re going after this because I’m moving two hours away three days after we meet up. I just don’t want him to find someone else during our “personal time” or whatever this is.

      • admin
        September 16, 2014 | 3:09 pm

        Keep them in check. You are making progress and that is amazing!

        But keep those emotions in check.

        • K
          September 19, 2014 | 5:18 pm

          So it completely backfired. The day we were supposed to meet up (yesterday), he texted me and said he didn’t think it was a good idea if we met up after all, because he would be tempted to say or do something inappropriate because he was just “so attracted to me”. Whatever. At this point we had been texting regularly and so I texted him and asked him if I can call, and he agreed. So I called him and he said he wanted to fix himself and do therapy and work on being a better person because he wants to be able to be all the way there for me, not just some of the time which has been a problem in the past. He said we shouldn’t talk any more because it distracts him from his main goal, and he doesn’t want to be tempted to jump into something just because he misses me. I’ve done NC twice, first for 14 days (woops) before he asked me to meet up and go on a date and it was a disaster (we went on a date, I slept over, he freaked out, I cried). After, I did the 21 day NC and that’s when things seemed more steady and we were talking and he was saying how he would do anything to fix us, and he doesn’t want us to end because our “story isn’t over”, and he loves me so incredibly much but he wants me to move on with my life and we see what happens in the future because it’s not fair that I wait around for him. Where do I go from here? Is he BSing me? I’m so incredibly confused and I really, really, don’t want to move on. I don’t feel like it should be over between us.

          By the way, your site is so helpful, not just with getting exes back, but providing hope for the future with or without my ex. Great work! :)

          • K
            September 19, 2014 | 5:25 pm

            Also I guess I should mention he started seeing that other girl again but tells me “she’s just a distraction, and she knows that too”. Wtf

          • K
            October 4, 2014 | 3:05 am

            Please help, I’m so confused.

  22. B
    September 1, 2014 | 5:33 pm

    Help! Ive been seriously talking to/dating this guy for a better part of 4 years. During which there were times when we were on and off and his ex gf of 4 years before me was still trying to be in the picture and he felt that he wanted to remain “friends” with her. and Ive felt with that up until we finally became bf/gf this summer. but to back track, when it was unclear of how he felt for me about 2 years ago I messed up and slept with his friend. his friend was actually a good friend of mine also and told me he had feelings for me and that the guy that i was dating did not and i was emotional and in a weird space and i slept with our mutual friend. the guy i was dating found out bc his friend told him and we didnt communicate for about a month during which time he started talking to this other girl. that didn’t last very long and me and my ex got back on good terms and continued to talk. When we didn’t talk for that month i went out on dates with previous guys i used to talk to/date and messed around with them. but once we got back on good terms i cut them off and continued to talk to my ex. he was trying to move passed me sleeping with his friend and it was difficult but finally last year things seemed a lot better. everything was fine seemingly but i found out that he slept with someone else in sept of this year and I moved passed it. So, shortly after that in december I decided to go out with someone else and i denied to my ex that i had seen someone else and so we finally just had a long talk about everything and we decided to actually try to be together and so this summer like i mentioned beforehand we were together finally after all the drama and back and forth and he even told me he cut contact with his ex so things were great i was changing for the better he was changing we were growing together and so now we are broken up. about a month ago we were having a normal video chat and he wanted to get into asking me questions about what happened years ago when we didn’t communicate and what happened with that other guy. and i didnt want to keep lying about it esp bc were we were going. he was talking about marriage and our future together and yes we both made mistakes but he sees things selfishly and doesn’t look at what he has done and just looks at what i have done. and we used to go back and forth all the time so i don’t know how to handle this one.. after i told the truth he told me everything that okay and that he still loved me and that he was glad that i could be open with him.. then two days later he wants to name call and break things off. and that caught me by surprise bc he was looking for honesty and i gave it to him and then he’s going to turn around after confirming that everything is okay and break up with me. and two weeks after he did that it was my birthday and he did not contact me but two days after my birthday wanted to text me to pick a fight and when i call him childish and petty he turns around and tries to act like the bigger person and say happy birthday and after that I put forth the NC. and it was day 30 yesterday and i contacted him and he responded. he asked me why i texted him and i told him the truth bc i missed him and then we were texting basically back and forth all day but he was being difficult and i told him my feelings and that i still cared for him and he told me that he doesn’t want to be with someone that everyone has been with and i told him that was unfair bc he’s made big mistakes as well. and then he saw that i had posted a picture and i was out with friends and he sent me a sad emoji text telling me to not drunk text him. which i really wasn’t and so he says that when he’s gotten over things he would contact me and then i responded and said that i hoped that we could move passed this we’ve been thru so much together and that i loved him and he replied then saying that he doesn’t do the love ting anymore and that he can’t relate and then said that we could be cordial with each other so i haven’t texted him back since then earlier in the evening idk what to do help!!

    • B
      September 1, 2014 | 5:34 pm

      ** not 30 days NC it was actually like 19

  23. Jackie
    September 1, 2014 | 5:00 pm

    I am baffled by my x boyfriend..
    My boyfriend of two years broke up with me 8 months ago. He started seriously dating someone a week after we broke up. In the aftermath I realized he had this girl picked out before we broke up.

    I saw him off and on after the break up, because I live at his families house- it was always clear he was confused.

    6 months after the break up he told me he was moving to a certain state to live and work for a friend. BUT the ended up moving in with his girlfriend- which I find out he lied to me and had told people he was moving in with her. BUT he also told people he was moving to this other state with his friend. Iv been told so many conflicting stories.

    We both went to a festival where I found out he was confiding in an older man about our relationship. I asked myself why is he talking about us when he is with someone else?

    After this trip I emailed him to tell him we needed to stop talking, he was confused, it was too much for me. I asked him to not contact me back. One month later he emailed me, apologizing for things in our relationship, he said things felt unclear, and that my communication (which I hadn’t made any but one short email in a month) was undermining his new relationship. I did not answer. He emailed me again one week later. The next night at 11pm he called me twice freaking out angry that I was jeopardizing his relationship, and I needed to move on. He also emailed me right after saying the same thing basically, being really mean and angry. I did answer me and was cordial and kind. I don’t wan tot play agates and try and continue this drama.

    Iv come to realize he is emotionally immature and he always withdraws in any even slightly emotional situation. BUT This behavior baffles me!!

    • Jackie
      September 1, 2014 | 5:03 pm

      he also said on this frantic message she loved her and wanted to one day marry her – why was this necessary when I wasn’t talking to him anyway..?

    • admin
      September 2, 2014 | 1:29 pm

      Sounds like he got a bit of the grass is greener syndrome.

      • Jackie
        September 3, 2014 | 11:46 pm

        I just read your GIGS post – since he told me I was AMAZING when we broke up (and offered to stay a few more days to help me paint my new place and get settled ) Im guess its not because I was not a good girlfriend – and I was a great girlfriend, too good I think. We had issues but honestly I feel like most of them stemmed from him….

        • admin
          September 4, 2014 | 12:17 pm

          The better gf you were the better your chances of him getting GIGS

          • Melissa
            September 4, 2014 | 7:21 pm

            Why is it that, as you say, the better a gf you are, the higher chance the bf has of getting the gigs?

            • admin
              September 5, 2014 | 12:21 pm

              B/c he will compare you to his current gf and realize that you are better than her which makes you more attractive in his eyes.

  24. amy
    August 25, 2014 | 11:16 pm

    Hey chris! When I meet my Ex’s mother in church. Should I say hi to her?
    my ex messaged me when I didn’t.

    • admin
      August 26, 2014 | 1:45 pm

      You should yes!

      • amy
        August 28, 2014 | 9:07 am

        Hey chris my ex messages me when I dont say hi. Is that a sign that he likes me

  25. B
    July 31, 2014 | 2:51 pm

    Hi there could you help me on this. Ive been dating my bf currently my ex) for two years and six months. He used to have depression problems long time back. Since he started working he was stressed alot with work training and he used to get sick alot. We were rly close with each other and there was no way we could seperate. Our parents knew and we were going rly well. Jus oneday wen he sed he wanted to breakup. I was shocked cz v dint have a fight nothing. The previous day he jus spoke to me like other times said he loves me and the next day evening he was like he needs time. Den i left him alone for 3 days kinda dint go to trbl cz he was going thru a rough time with some family problem. Wen i called him again he jus sed he doesnt want any relationship or anybody in his life. He jus sed stuff unblvable cz he has never sed such stuff before. He sed he gave up on me six months ago that is wen he stopped comn to my place. I rly dont knw what to belive cz i guess he sed dat outta anger. Cz wen his dad got sick he knew how much i was with him did all i cud to make things normal for him and during that time he sed he was rly lucky to have me as his cz it was only me who understands him and can put up with him.
    Yet on june 3rd wen i called him he jus poured out all that anger on me and he even sed i was nt wt him even wen his dad was sick, i was busy wt my life, he had fallen out of love. Just to forget him and move on if i wanted to see him happy and not to tell his parents about this and if so he wud get rly pissed and dat wud get ugly. I was like oki. Den later after few days my mom spoke to him and dt was the last time still he sed he had fallen out of love. And dat was it never called him or texted. During the end of the month my classes strtd and i continued going to my usual institute. He joined newly to my institute jus few days before we brokeup. His and mine morning classes fall on the same time period. Iam on the 2nd stage he is on the 1st.The first day i came in early and left early because i was scared he wud scold me in front of everyone. But then again i thought y shud i hide cz i used to study here before he joined, i dint break up he did, he had no valid reason to breakup all what he sed was cz of my anger.
    On the 2day of my class i tries avoiding him but he actually saw me in the morning before calsses while i was waiting outside in the vehicle. He had gone in parked his vehicle and had been waiting staring at the entrance and had walked in. After i came in to the lobby area i saw him and ignored cz i jus dint want unnecessary problems. After our class finished same as his time he walked towards me and askd “hey can talk” i was like ya sure. And i dint go to show him how hurt i was instead wen he asked i jus wantes to c how u r doing seems to me that uve moved on. I was giving this biiiiig smile and sed yeah ive moved on. Cz theres nothing else i cn do after all this that happened. He was like a walkn dead vegetable while i was all smiling and all that. Wen his next class strtd and mine was to strt even after his second class finishes. So i jus had to idle or be at the library till mine strtd. During their break he was the first to come out. He smoked a cigar and walkes towards me and asked can ve not act like strangers anymore and be frns. I was like ya sure. He was then talkn to me for few mins. And he sed dat he dint throw any of the stuff i gave and he will never and if weda i threw the watch and the ring he gifted me cz i was nt wearing any even the phone he bought me cz i was nt using that either. He was very concerned what i did to kill time for 3 1/2 hrs who amd where i was hangn out wt. Weda i was seeing anyone. I sed no i actually enjoy my single life. He replied saying knowning you i can imagine. That day jus pass by then wen i went home he had blocked me on whatsapp. He called me in the middle of week and went on sayn how happy i was and what my whatsapp status says and how i posted a song on my fb wall. And now um no more on fb. I was shocked and confused as to y he was worried about my whatsapp status cz he already left and he has no right to my life. the Next sunday again i met him. I dint go behind yet he came behind and spoke. On the third day we happen to have a bday of a lecturer and he was in my exs class and all students were asked to go to that class. I wudnt have gone if nt for my frn. Cz for some reason i dint wanna go cz i thought my ex wud think that i walked into his class jus to see him. I tried avoiding him sooookk much and went and sat. And once the cake was cut and served we va asked to leave and then i saw that i had seated right behind my ex!! Unbelivable!! Out of 250 odd students i jus ended up right behind. Wen va stood up to leave cz my guys class was to strt next. He jus stopped me and sed my line is diconnected.. i was like hughh??!! I was thinkn so why does he need to tell me that?! I told him oki. See u amd i walked out wt the rest of thw crowd hu va not in the next class. Later while i was on my way i thought il drop him a text sayn sorry cudnt talk. And den i dropped him a text. He was like he wants to talk to me. I sed i had already left but if he wants il come back. Then he gave me this atitude and sed no need and that he is leavn. And i sed tsk um already near the class keep that atitude and mwet me as a frn not anyone else. Wen i walked in he was looking for me at the entrance and dint say a word or schold me as to y i came. Instead he was much better than the first day i saw him in class. Finaly once his break finished he kissed me on my cheek and went in again. Then again the same day evening he had blocked me from whatsapp. Then during on a weekday i texted and asked him weda he did his MRI scan he was like no. At first he was normal then i felt wierd with one wors answers so i dint go to trble.
    Next sunday too he came behind and spoke and. And i had to leave early cz my driver came. I hugged himlike in a normal way and he hugged me sooo tightly i asked weda he was oki. He sed he is alright but i saw his face was rly upset. And den last week he dint come for classes. I assumed either he is sick or got work or he is avoiding me. Cud u tell me isit possbile that he is still in love wt me and he wants me. Is there anytyn i cn do to get him back.

  26. shiny
    July 29, 2014 | 2:24 pm

    me and my bf broke up last week… I thought he would never talk to me as in his words I am at fault.. but he did… he calls me every day as before… talks out his heart but the difference is.. according to him, we are just friends now..!!! I mean how..???? we talk almost the same way but the romance part.. that I love is missing… even if I start, he is like “hmmm..ok” so I am confused about what’s going in his mind…?? is he really changed and here only as a friend or he is just angry and will be back one day..????

  27. Hope
    July 28, 2014 | 6:05 pm

    I have a predicament.

    My ex and I dated for nearly 3 years. We were each other’s first relationship and it was very serious.

    We finally broke up last summer. We were fighting a lot (he kissed another girl and I never really forgave him) and I couldn’t handle it. Then, in October of last year we got back together for a short period of time. I ended it around New Years again because I felt I wasn’t ready for it. Almost immediately (literally within a week) he was dating a new girl (still with her).

    We have tried to remain friends until recently, when something interesting happened.

    I was finally feeling like I could be actual friends with him again. I began to talk to him a bit more. One day, unexpectedly, he launched into a big show of emotion.

    He confessed that he still missed me sometimes, that he still thought of me, that he loved me when we were together, he couldn’t see me in person cause he might “get weak”. After he said all of this, he said “this is why we can’t be friends”, and defriended me.

    It did such a number on my psyche. I can’t stop thinking about it or him. All the emotions came back. I don’t know what to do. I want to talk to him, but I can’t. I would give so much to have one more day with him.

    Is there anything I can do to make him want to see me? I know it’s a stupid situation but God, I loved him and I just want to see him again.

    Any help??

    • admin
      July 29, 2014 | 1:34 pm

      He cheated on you…. A lot of people can’t forgive that (I don’t think I could.)

      Go into NC right now. I think thats the smartest bet.

  28. Lindsay
    July 22, 2014 | 6:45 pm

    Hi, my name is Lindsay. My ex and I were together for over a year and a half. we have been broken up for about a month but has been dating his best friends ex for the last two weeks. I can safely assume that this is a rebound. I have read all of your tuitorials online and am finding them very comforting an helpful. however, he and I were suppose to take space and work things out. He is now dating someone else, flaunting it on facebook, and is now asking his friends (who are also my friends) if I have been asking about him and talking about him. I know everyone’s situation is unique but I’m a bit lost and need a little guidence if you could help. I have not spoken to him in over a week and am trying to implement the NC now seeing as I didn’t before. What do you suggest?

    • admin
      July 24, 2014 | 2:18 pm

      How fast did he start dating this other girl.

  29. Jean
    July 20, 2014 | 3:58 pm

    I have dated a guy for 6 months.He treated me really well. However, we are not official yet. And because of that, i became very insecure. Recently, he would chat with me halfway and stop replying. I thought he had lost interest in me,and causes a misunderstanding. I tried to talk to him again but he did not reply me. So I stop talking to him. Last week i received a text from him in the morning asking me to enjoy my trip on the day I am travelling for my business trip. I replied him and tried to chat with him. But he did not reply me. I have not talked to him for 4 days. Why does he acted this way?

    • admin
      July 21, 2014 | 4:11 pm

      6 months and he didn’t make you his gf?

      • Jean
        July 22, 2014 | 12:38 am

        Whenever we were about to have that talk, things happen. And he travelled alot, thus we have little chances to have a serious talk.
        should i contact him to apologize for the things i have did? This is the first time he is ignoring me.

  30. Kay
    July 15, 2014 | 7:24 pm

    My ex and I broke up a little over a month ago after dating for a year and a half. We had a wonderful relationship, rarely fought, and really loved one another. The problem is, it was long distance. He lived an hour and a half away. We saw one another every other weekend and made it work. He just graduated last year (I graduated this year) from college and has had a tough time finding a job in something he loves. I got really sick two months ago and was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease so I became really moody and depressed. He was also going through a real rough patch and kept saying he was worthless and had three worthless degrees and how he was unhappy with everything in his life. I asked him if that meant our relationship as well and he said it didn’t, we were fine, and I was the best part of college for him. I think I had been sensing his unhappiness as well as my illness because about a month before we broke up, I had tried to go on a break with him, realized I wasn’t being myself, panicked, and told him I didn’t want to do it. We ended up not going on a break and seemed to work through it.

    After I was released from the hospital, I learned that my medication would make me have mood swings and depressive episodes. I told him that if he wanted to, he could cut ties and run because he was having such a rough time in life and I didn’t want to be a burden to him. He said we weren’t breaking up, he loved me, and everything would be alright. In between these events, he drove me home 120 miles when I was sick because he didn’t want me to crash, told me he loved me and missed me while he was at a music festival (I was in the hospital) completely unprompted, took videos of bands he knew I loved and wanted to see but was missing, and kept checking up on me. He almost hovered, to be honest, to make sure I was taking my meds and not doing anything to hurt myself.

    Then, about a week and a half after I told him he could cut and run in he wanted to, he broke up with me. He told me he didn’t have feelings for me, but took it back 5 minutes later and said that he did have feelings for me and would miss me. He kept repeating that he couldn’t drag me through the mud anymore, I wasn’t happy, and someone else would make me happier than he could. He also kept saying he needed a change and he didn’t know if he was making a mistake.

    I was and am still devastated and tried to tell him that it was wrong and that would could work through this, but he said it would only make things worse (I don’t know how?). He cried through the whole break up and wouldn’t get off the phone, I had to be the one to force him. The next day I tried to call him, but he wouldn’t answer. I ended up texting him and tried to convince him that a break up wasn’t the answer, but he said he thought it was the right thing to do for right now.

    In the month since, he hasn’t contacted me. I broke no contact once when I was in town to see if we could just meet face to face and talk, but he ended up having an excuse. However, when I texted him, he responded immediately. Unfortunately, I took his reason for not seeing me as avoiding me and told him I was getting the message. He got angry and thought I thought he was lying. I apologized for making him feel that way and he never responded after that.

    I don’t know what to do, I love him and feel like me trying to push him away when I was sick really hurt him. It wasn’t my intention, I was trying to save him from further pain. What the hell do I do? :(

    • admin
      July 16, 2014 | 2:45 pm

      Wait, I am just having trouble understanding this fully, are you saying you gave him an out and he took it?

      • Kay
        July 27, 2014 | 1:02 am

        When I gave him the out, he refused it and said we weren’t breaking up because he loved me and everything would be alright. It was later on that he broke up with me. :/

  31. Sharlene
    July 13, 2014 | 3:33 pm

    Hi Chris,
    My ex and I broke up 5 days ago after a 3 years relationship. He said he was done and needed to go out and “do him..”. I found out through a friend who saw him out at pub that he was hitting up a girl and they exchanged numbers. I also found out that he’s been texting her but she isn’t replying back (he told his roommates who told me) I know you said that this may be a coping method but when a guy says “he’s done” and “fed up” does this have an alternative meaning and is he “hitting up” girls to fill the void or has he really gotten over me?

    • admin
      July 14, 2014 | 3:19 pm

      Go out and “do him.”

      Am I the only one that hates that phrase?

      He could be filling the void.

      • Shar
        July 14, 2014 | 4:38 pm

        I’ve been implementing NC but you think it’ll work if it obvs looks like he’s quickly trying to move on?

        • admin
          July 15, 2014 | 2:43 pm

          Sometimes quickly trying to move on is the worst thing you can do. He hasn’t confronted his feelings yet, hes running from them.

  32. daisy18
    July 3, 2014 | 8:25 am

    hi there Chris!
    my ex an i broken up for 5 months, did nC for 30days successfully and he texted in between and still i ddnt reply. and up to today since last month our textin has made progress..weve been exchangin messages..and when i text him first which i have for like 3 times..he responds right away and even if the reply is “text u l8 im busy” he still does..also weve made plans for dinner twice but both ddnt push thru coz he forgot of stuff he had to do etc..pretty much work related stuff. thing is, i founs one of his possesions with me and told him about it..had it with me for 5months and jz told hin days ago..and he got mad..mad that he ddnt reply my msgs anymore..so i called him 2 personally say im Sorry (we havnt met in person its been 5 months so callin was the least sincerest way)..he said he was mad and ddint feel like talkn 2 me coz of what i did “i stole that thing from him” technically when i “stole” it it was when we were arguing abt the break up so i was upset that time. i feel hopeless..things were OK, our communication was progressive than before we barely text.last month i spoke to him abt 5 times on text..while past months were zero…. please tell me what to do Chris..
    thank you xx

    • admin
      July 7, 2014 | 5:34 pm

      Well, first things first. You need to build attraction.

  33. ileana
    June 30, 2014 | 2:58 pm

    Yes I initiated nc rule but is it really effective after 3 months of breakup

    • admin
      July 3, 2014 | 12:37 am

      It can be yes! Were you two in contact before then?

  34. Heather
    June 29, 2014 | 9:29 pm

    Hi there! I don’t even know where to start really. My bf and I were together a year and 8mos. It’s only been a week since we’ve broken up and we live together. He told me he is emotionally unavailable and doesnt know why and doesn’t know what he wants and has a crush on a co worker. Me being a woman I freaked out screamed at him called him every name in the book and told him he needed to make a decision and
    Move out with in a week. It’s been a week and he has made no decision as to if he wants to stay or go. He hasn’t started sorting or packing or anything. We don’t sleep in the same bed nothing. He references he doesn’t know how he feels and it’s not fair to me and he doesn’t know what’s going in in his head and he’s crazy and he may have to move out and pay rent on his own and figure it. He has referenced these things many times.Our convos consists of who will be home to take the dogs out. We are very civil no arguing no touching no I love you nothing. I’m devastated and I love him so
    Much and I’m willing to work on this with him. But I’m kind of confused as to what the hell he is doing? And where I’m suppose to go from here! How do I act? Do I kick him out now and tell him tough I don’t care what you do or where you go? Get out of my life? I hate the not knowing and I’m completely exhausted at this point with trying to rake my brain on what to do. Do you have some insight or advice?

    • admin
      June 30, 2014 | 2:34 pm

      Sounds like he got the grass is greener syndrome.

      Does his crush reciprocate the feelings?

  35. Eli
    June 23, 2014 | 1:45 am

    What does it mean if during NC he is telling people (mutual friends) that he “just wants to be friends” and “wants to know how she’s doing”?? He has tried to contact me but I haven’t answered and then today I hear all this crap about being friends and wanting to know if I’m ok blah blah…what does it mean?

    • admin
      June 23, 2014 | 2:27 pm

      How close is he to these friends?

      • Eli
        June 23, 2014 | 4:51 pm

        He’s quite close with them but he also knows that this friend talks to me (it’s the friend that told me he wants to be friends, he hasn’t said anything himself.) I’m torn whether he’s saying it because he’s being a jerk and wants to see if I’ve moved on, or if he’s using it as an excuse to get his foot back in the door. He DOES seem emotionally invested in some way, shape or form.

  36. Ileana
    June 18, 2014 | 6:20 am

    Hi Chris,
    I need your help. Things were going good in my life with my boyfriend but 1 day he called and said we have to behave maturely and it will be good for our future. I never felt for you but i was trying from my side so that things will work out. As we are relatives, we know each other from childhood so he was giving me lame excuses that it will be good for our families because we did not go too long into this. But he use to call me once in a week.
    So please tell me he wants me or not

    • admin
      June 18, 2014 | 2:01 pm

      Will you be initiating a NC rule?

      • ileana
        June 30, 2014 | 3:14 pm

        Hi Chris,
        Yes I initiated nc rule but its been 3 months and we called each other once in a week. But now I don’t want this kind of relationship where I have no idea what will be the result. Today is 12th day of nc and last Sunday he called me and messaged me but I didn’t pick his call and didn’t reply. Yesterday he messaged me again that I know u don’t wanna give damn to me and its your life but I just want to know how are you…
        So what’s that mean?
        What should I do now. I am confused need your advise

  37. Chloe
    June 16, 2014 | 12:29 pm

    Hey! So last year my ex and I broke up, as a result of my mistakes of cheating and lying. I know its bad, but I have finally forgiven myself. He recently returned from a 10 month deployment in Afghanistan, however, we decided to not talk while he was overseas and to see how things went when he returns. He called,emailed, and texted me the day of his arrival to see if I wanted to come over. I’ve been to his house two days in a row and both times we’ve had sex/cuddled. When I’m over, he still takes care of me like we’re together and sometimes he’ll stare at me while he thinks I’m not looking. I texted him letting him know that it was nice spending time together.And he said the same, but called me a “cuddle buddy.” He’s also in the process of moving and asked me if I wanted to help him. I love him SO much and we were previously engaged.I’m not sure what we’re doing or where we stand. I don’t know if he just wants me around for sex or if he still cares/wants to be together? How do I approach this situation?

    • admin
      June 16, 2014 | 2:35 pm

      You should read my guide on exes who use you.

  38. Mily
    June 15, 2014 | 2:02 pm

    I broke up with my ex the other day because I found out, ONCE AGAIN, that he was hanging out with his ex. We have been together for 16 months and throughout our relationships he’s been caught hanging out with his ex about 4 times and has even told people not to tell me although they did. I confronted him and he denied it and makes excuses constantly like they bumped into each other and just said hello but I know for a fact they were acting as if they were best friends. I’ve told him in the past he needs to stop seeing her and he has to change and he said he has and then the other day I see a picture of them uploaded on a social media site which his ex uploaded of them shopping. At this stage I had enough and I broke up with him. Now, he’s been messaging me saying how he knows he needs to be able to say no to her and he’s going to change and he wants to get back together with me and will do anything to get me back. But I’m just not sure if I can go through it all over again, even though I still love him. What do you suggest?

  39. Natasha
    June 15, 2014 | 11:47 am

    Hello. I love this article and I think I need some help.
    I’ve been together with my boyfriend for 9 months. He was actually the only one I dated with after I broke up with my first boyfriend (it took me the whole year to got totally over him) So a few weeks ago I had to move out of our city given the circumstances at that time. I wanted us to work even though we were having a distance relationship. It was hard because he is younger than me but I tried so hard for us to work out.
    A few days ago though, he broke up with me. He had been acting weird few says before that, so it wasn’t like I didn’t see that coming. But still, I was shocked and didn’t think he would do such thing after everything we’ve been through.
    His reasons were, he couldn’t take it with me bring a thousand miles away from him. I replied, “you remember what I told you about breaking up with me right?” I used to have this belief that once a string is broken, it could never be fixed again. I didn’t believe in dating in your exes, simply because I believe the word “breakup” wasn’t something you could take back so easily. He said he was fine with that and he understand the consequences of his decission.

    Three days later, his cousin texted me and asked how I was doing. I said I was fine (I used to be so close to his whole family so they were all sort of rooting for us) after a little chitchat, she asked me about our breakup and I explained it to her. After that she told me how much of a mess my ex right now. He became really silent and getting mad on such small things. She also told me he wanted me back but he was afraid I wasn’t going to give him the chance so he asked her for help. I told her that he should do more than asking for help from his family if he wants me back. I also said it doesn’t matter how much he’s gonna try, I don’t even know if I’m gonna accept him back in the end. His cousin thought it was worth the try and agreed that he should put on some effort himself if he truly is serious.

    So now he’s kind of try to talk to me again but I don’t know how to respond. Should I be all cold? or should I not reply at all? I’m afraid I will give him an exception only because I’m still in love with him. But I’m also afraid he’ll do the very same thing in the future if we got back together. Please help.

  40. Renee
    June 14, 2014 | 8:58 am

    Hi there hope you can help. I split with my man 2 years ago. He was a widower and didn’t know what he wanted. We had been together for 2 years. It’s now 5 years since his wife passed and 2 years since we’ve had any contact. Out of the blue he has sent me a text reminding me of his birthday and reminiscing about our relationship stating he didn’t know why he was making contact but he felt the urge to do so. Can someone explain why he is reaching out to me? Did he want me to respond by telephone wishing him happy birthday or is he being a selfish ass? I have not heard from him again ( 3 weeks since the last SMS). Is he testing the waters?
    What does he want?

    • admin
      June 15, 2014 | 4:21 pm

      2 years since you last talked to him?

      • Rene
        June 15, 2014 | 6:56 pm

        We have not spoken in 2 years! R

      • Renee
        June 16, 2014 | 4:17 am

        Yes – 2 years since I had any contact with
        him at all ie no personal contact, telephone contact, SMS contact. I’ve had zilch contact with the man. I’m wondering if he’s just woken up as to what he’s lost or whether he’s just lonely and decided to look in his black book and thought I’ll send her a text or whether he’s finally dawned that I’ve moved on and he’s made contact just to re-awaken all the emotions?
        That is he’s an ass! Can you enlighten me on what this male behaviour is all about? Please. R

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