Warning Signs That Your Ex Boyfriend Wants YOU Back

 Ex-Boyfriend-Recovery-PRO

This may be shocking to hear, especially after your ex treated you so poorly after your breakup, but he may secretly want you back. One of the most asked questions I get on this site, aside from “how do I get my ex back” is “how do I know that my ex boyfriend actually wants me back?” In this article I am going to take an in-depth look at the male psyche and try to give you a resource that you can refer to if you want to know if he wants you back. No, this is not an exact science but I have found that time and time again an ex who is really missing his girl exhibits the signs laid out on this page.

Side Note: If you are an avid reader of my site you may be thinking that this article is similar to the signs your ex still loves you. While I will admit that this article has a similar preface it is taking a much different approach and it is my goal to make this as informative as possible.

The Rundown Of This Page

Did you know that an ex will exhibit certain signs when he begins to want you back? This page is going to explore those signs essentially giving you a checklist to watch out for. Now, I am not going to pretend to know everything (because I don’t.) There may be signs that I left out of this page that he could exhibit and there may be signs on this page that he could exhibit (but still doesn’t want you back.) However, what I will tell you is that I have a lot of experience dealing with these situations so the signs that you see listed below will most likely mean your ex is seriously regretting his decision to not be with you. I will be covering things like

  • Understanding the male mind after a breakup.
  • The importance of anger and how to understand it.
  • And how the no contact rule fits into all of this.

Lets talk a little about what this page will not cover now. I know that I am known as the “breakup guy.” I am proud to announce that I have helped multiple women get back with their exes. However, this page doesn’t really talk about that too much. It is assumed that you want your ex back but all this page is designed to do is help you understand if HE wants YOU back. Now, if your are past that and just want to know exactly what to do to get him back then I would like to direct you to Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO, my E-Book. In there you can learn the exact steps you need to implement in order to get an ex back. I will leave a link below for you to click on but for now lets just dive right in to the warning signs ;).

Click Here For Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO

The Male Mind After A Breakup

male mind

I thought a great way to kick off this particular article was with a look at the male mind after a breakup. As many of you know I am a male so I can give a very unique perspective on how to get your ex back by getting inside the mind of your guy. Contrary to popular belief men do actually have feelings. Now, I would say that 95% of the people reading this are women. At your core you are very emotional creatures. You aren’t afraid to cry when you need to cry or feel when you need to feel. I have learned that women are very in touch with their emotions.

Funny story actually, I remember having a friend in high school (she was a girl) that was literally all over the place emotionally. She wouldn’t be afraid to cry in class or do any other overemotional things. The funny part was how fast she would bounce back after these emotional outbursts. You would see her an hour later and she would be carrying on like nothing happened. It always struck me as bizarre but as I thought more and more about it I began to realize that women are much better at handling their emotions than men are.

Sure, a guy can cry after a breakup but what I am talking about here goes much deeper than that. Men shun true emotions after a breakup. I can remember my own breakup and how I handled it. I had been dating this girl for almost a year and at the end it was really… rocky. I remember after we broke up I felt completely free. It felt like weights had been lifted off of my shoulders. I remember thinking “this isn’t so bad.” Of course, a few days later I began to realize just how bad a breakup can be as the emotions hit me. I didn’t know what to do with them. I had never felt the type of things I was experiencing. (It was my first breakup ever.)

Every guy has a different way of handling a breakup. Me, I became a recluse for a while and decided to focus on myself. Other guys will create a defense mechanism that prevents any girl in the future from every penetrating it (George Clooney.) Of course, there is also the rebound guy that starts getting into new relationships immediately after your breakup.

Key Takeaways From This Section

  • Women know how to deal with emotions, men do not.
  • It can sometimes take a few days for the “emotions” to kick in for a guy after a breakup.
  • Every guy has a unique way of handling a breakup (defense mechanism, recluse, rebound.)

Anger Isn’t Always A Bad Thing

angry meme

Now we are diving into the meat of this article! There is a common misconception going around that I would like to take a moment to dispel.

Common Misconception- If your ex is angry it means he doesn’t want you back.

NOT TRUE!

In fact, I would be more worried if your ex wasn’t angry with you in some way shape or form. Also, you have to keep in mind that sometimes your ex could be doing a phenomenal job at hiding his anger so I will admit that it isn’t always easy to tell if your boyfriend is angry at you. Anyways, back to the point here. Hate isn’t the opposite of love, apathy is.

You see, any time he displays any form of anger aimed towards you (yelling, talking bad about you to his friends, talking bad about you to you) women take it personally. I can understand why they take it personally too, after all, no one likes to be called a bit$% or get yelled at in the street. Nevertheless, lets try to take a deeper look into what is going through the mind of a man who is doing these types of things.

I will not lie to you, I have gotten into a shouting match with a girlfriend before. I have yelled at the top of my lungs and said some really horrible stuff. While I am certainly ashamed of these things I think I have found a way to put these horrible memories to use, by helping you out.

Any time I have done anything like this I have been extremely “emotionally invested” with the person I was talking to. I cared about them on a very deep level and because of that deep level every action that they performed was magnified. I wasn’t yelling because deep down I hated the person or never wanted to be with them again. I yelled because I cared about them in some twisted way.

I know, I know it is really twisted but that is literally how a guys mind works. So, that is the first sign I would say that you should look for to determine if your ex wants you back.

Key Takeaways From This Section

  • If your ex is angry with you it doesn’t mean he doesn’t want you back.
  • It can be tricky to tell if an ex is angry with you because some of them do a good job at hiding it.
  • Usually anger means your ex is emotionally invested in you.

How The No Contact Rule Can Work As A Warning Sign

no contact meme

If you are an avid reader of this website then you know that I am a huge fan of the no contact rule. In fact, sometimes I feel like a broken record repeating the same advice over and over. No contact rule this, no contact rule that. It may shock you to learn that the NC rule can actually be used as a test to see if your ex wants you back.

Men in general like to think very highly of themselves. However, when you add in the fact that he has a girl wanting him his ego can get really inflated. One of my best friends described this phenomenon perfectly. He would tell me that he used to go to the gym to please girls. He wanted a “hot” body so that girls would fall over themselves just to have a chance to be with him. He says that he remembers going to the gym and being pretty arrogant because he had the “fitness model” body. Now, keep in mind at this point my friend didn’t have a girlfriend this was just how he saw himself.

Of course, a few years later when he was in a relationship with a girl his trips to the gym were completely different. He walked around thinking he was a king. He was “preselected” by women and it gave him an ego you wouldn’t believe. In his mind he could do no wrong. He didn’t even have to work out anymore. A man feels like an absolute god when he knows there is a girl that likes him.

Now, lets apply this knowledge to your ex. At this point, it doesn’t matter who broke up with who. You want him back and chances are he knows it. This fact alone will inflate his ego to an extraordinary level because in his mind he has you wrapped around his finger.

BUT

no contact baby memeWhen you add in the no contact rule suddenly the dynamic changes. He is expecting you to call him a million times during the breakup, do the emotional dance and even get on your knees and beg for him to come back to you. Only if you do a strict no contact rule he begins to wonder why you aren’t doing what you are supposed to do in begging for him back. Soon, he begins to worry that you have moved on so he reaches out to you, only you don’t respond.

Oh, now he is getting angry. In his mind he is this god who can have any woman he wants (because he had you) and you have the audacity to ignore his call? Anger on his part during the no contact rule is the next warning sign. I know it sounds crazy. How can an upset ex be a good thing? Again, it means he is emotionally invested in what you think and do.

There are a few things I would still like to point out though. The warning sign here is only shown if HE initiates contact during the no contact period. So, he has to call you/text you/facebook you/email you and then YOU have to ignore him. His reaction to you ignoring him is the sign for him wanting you back. The more upset he gets the more your value rises to him. I know that sounds weird, I mean, I am basically saying you want your ex to get upset. However, lets look at it on a logical level.

If he is this upset by your freeze out during the no contact rule we know that it means he is emotionally invested in you. It’s important that you don’t engage him because you want the dynamic to be that you are in control at all times. Him always having to work to get you will kind of turn him on a little bit because guys always want what they can’t have. Also, if he realizes that he is constantly chasing or having to work to get you your value will raise in his eyes. Instead of being the crazy ex girlfriend you will be the one that got away.

Pssstt… (Men always want the one that got away!)

Key Takeaways From This Section

  • In order for this warning sign to manifest you have to implement the no contact rule which you can learn more about here.
  • Men have big egos to start with but when they know they are “preselected” by girls their ego shoots through the roof.
  • If your ex boyfriend gets upset at you during the NC rule for not responding to him it means he is emotionally invested.
  • The more upset he gets during the NC period the more your value will rise to him.

Moving On A Little Quickly Now Aren’t We?

moving on meme

Men deal with breakups in all kinds of different ways. I actually alluded to this at the beginning of the article but I really didn’t go too far in-depth because I knew I was going to be talking about it here. Well, perhaps I should be a little more specific, I am going to be talking about one particular way that men deal with a breakup that is a surefire warning sign that he is not over you yet and may want you back in the future.

I hear a lot of stories every single day. As I am writing this article I am looking at my un-moderated comments. Shockingly, it is kind of low as there are only 33 I haven’t answered yet. Now, I can make you one guarantee about these 33 comments. When I do get to them later tonight there will be one or two that sound like this:

Chris, my ex and I dated for three years. We broke up a week ago but I wish I had found your site earlier because I have made so many mistakes that you say not to make. I called him too much and basically begged to get him back. I am afraid I scared him off because now he is dating this other girl….

Every single day I literally have a comment that looks like that. While I am absolutely thrilled to be getting these types of comments so early in this sites history I sometimes feel like some people don’t read what I am recommending and just decide to comment. But that is besides the point.

The point is that I chose this particular type of comment to discuss in this section because it is a potential warning sign that your ex boyfriend is not over you. As I said, every guy has a different way of dealing with a breakup. This particular type of guy immediately goes on the prowl looking for a woman to take away his pain.

Instead of doing the smart thing and letting a certain amount of time to go by, so he can heal, he tries to replace the hole in his heart with someone else, someone new. In the relationship industry we like to call this a “rebound relationship.” That is your sign. If he very quickly moves on after your relationship it is going to hurt you no doubt. However, you need to take a step back and look at things in a more “big picture” perspective. In most cases, rebound relationships don’t last. Don’t believe me? Take a look at the article I linked to above.

Key Takeaways From This Section

  • Men have different ways of dealing with breakups.
  • One of the most common ways is to go on the prowl for girls to fill the hole that you left in his heart.
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701 Responses to Warning Signs That Your Ex Boyfriend Wants YOU Back
  1. amy
    August 25, 2014 | 11:16 pm

    Hey chris! When I meet my Ex’s mother in church. Should I say hi to her?
    my ex messaged me when I didn’t.

    • admin
      August 26, 2014 | 1:45 pm

      You should yes!

      • amy
        August 28, 2014 | 9:07 am

        Hey chris my ex messages me when I dont say hi. Is that a sign that he likes me

  2. B
    July 31, 2014 | 2:51 pm

    Hi there could you help me on this. Ive been dating my bf currently my ex) for two years and six months. He used to have depression problems long time back. Since he started working he was stressed alot with work training and he used to get sick alot. We were rly close with each other and there was no way we could seperate. Our parents knew and we were going rly well. Jus oneday wen he sed he wanted to breakup. I was shocked cz v dint have a fight nothing. The previous day he jus spoke to me like other times said he loves me and the next day evening he was like he needs time. Den i left him alone for 3 days kinda dint go to trbl cz he was going thru a rough time with some family problem. Wen i called him again he jus sed he doesnt want any relationship or anybody in his life. He jus sed stuff unblvable cz he has never sed such stuff before. He sed he gave up on me six months ago that is wen he stopped comn to my place. I rly dont knw what to belive cz i guess he sed dat outta anger. Cz wen his dad got sick he knew how much i was with him did all i cud to make things normal for him and during that time he sed he was rly lucky to have me as his cz it was only me who understands him and can put up with him.
    Yet on june 3rd wen i called him he jus poured out all that anger on me and he even sed i was nt wt him even wen his dad was sick, i was busy wt my life, he had fallen out of love. Just to forget him and move on if i wanted to see him happy and not to tell his parents about this and if so he wud get rly pissed and dat wud get ugly. I was like oki. Den later after few days my mom spoke to him and dt was the last time still he sed he had fallen out of love. And dat was it never called him or texted. During the end of the month my classes strtd and i continued going to my usual institute. He joined newly to my institute jus few days before we brokeup. His and mine morning classes fall on the same time period. Iam on the 2nd stage he is on the 1st.The first day i came in early and left early because i was scared he wud scold me in front of everyone. But then again i thought y shud i hide cz i used to study here before he joined, i dint break up he did, he had no valid reason to breakup all what he sed was cz of my anger.
    On the 2day of my class i tries avoiding him but he actually saw me in the morning before calsses while i was waiting outside in the vehicle. He had gone in parked his vehicle and had been waiting staring at the entrance and had walked in. After i came in to the lobby area i saw him and ignored cz i jus dint want unnecessary problems. After our class finished same as his time he walked towards me and askd “hey can talk” i was like ya sure. And i dint go to show him how hurt i was instead wen he asked i jus wantes to c how u r doing seems to me that uve moved on. I was giving this biiiiig smile and sed yeah ive moved on. Cz theres nothing else i cn do after all this that happened. He was like a walkn dead vegetable while i was all smiling and all that. Wen his next class strtd and mine was to strt even after his second class finishes. So i jus had to idle or be at the library till mine strtd. During their break he was the first to come out. He smoked a cigar and walkes towards me and asked can ve not act like strangers anymore and be frns. I was like ya sure. He was then talkn to me for few mins. And he sed dat he dint throw any of the stuff i gave and he will never and if weda i threw the watch and the ring he gifted me cz i was nt wearing any even the phone he bought me cz i was nt using that either. He was very concerned what i did to kill time for 3 1/2 hrs who amd where i was hangn out wt. Weda i was seeing anyone. I sed no i actually enjoy my single life. He replied saying knowning you i can imagine. That day jus pass by then wen i went home he had blocked me on whatsapp. He called me in the middle of week and went on sayn how happy i was and what my whatsapp status says and how i posted a song on my fb wall. And now um no more on fb. I was shocked and confused as to y he was worried about my whatsapp status cz he already left and he has no right to my life. the Next sunday again i met him. I dint go behind yet he came behind and spoke. On the third day we happen to have a bday of a lecturer and he was in my exs class and all students were asked to go to that class. I wudnt have gone if nt for my frn. Cz for some reason i dint wanna go cz i thought my ex wud think that i walked into his class jus to see him. I tried avoiding him sooookk much and went and sat. And once the cake was cut and served we va asked to leave and then i saw that i had seated right behind my ex!! Unbelivable!! Out of 250 odd students i jus ended up right behind. Wen va stood up to leave cz my guys class was to strt next. He jus stopped me and sed my line is diconnected.. i was like hughh??!! I was thinkn so why does he need to tell me that?! I told him oki. See u amd i walked out wt the rest of thw crowd hu va not in the next class. Later while i was on my way i thought il drop him a text sayn sorry cudnt talk. And den i dropped him a text. He was like he wants to talk to me. I sed i had already left but if he wants il come back. Then he gave me this atitude and sed no need and that he is leavn. And i sed tsk um already near the class keep that atitude and mwet me as a frn not anyone else. Wen i walked in he was looking for me at the entrance and dint say a word or schold me as to y i came. Instead he was much better than the first day i saw him in class. Finaly once his break finished he kissed me on my cheek and went in again. Then again the same day evening he had blocked me from whatsapp. Then during on a weekday i texted and asked him weda he did his MRI scan he was like no. At first he was normal then i felt wierd with one wors answers so i dint go to trble.
    Next sunday too he came behind and spoke and. And i had to leave early cz my driver came. I hugged himlike in a normal way and he hugged me sooo tightly i asked weda he was oki. He sed he is alright but i saw his face was rly upset. And den last week he dint come for classes. I assumed either he is sick or got work or he is avoiding me. Cud u tell me isit possbile that he is still in love wt me and he wants me. Is there anytyn i cn do to get him back.

  3. shiny
    July 29, 2014 | 2:24 pm

    me and my bf broke up last week… I thought he would never talk to me as in his words I am at fault.. but he did… he calls me every day as before… talks out his heart but the difference is.. according to him, we are just friends now..!!! I mean how..???? we talk almost the same way but the romance part.. that I love is missing… even if I start, he is like “hmmm..ok” so I am confused about what’s going in his mind…?? is he really changed and here only as a friend or he is just angry and will be back one day..????

  4. Hope
    July 28, 2014 | 6:05 pm

    I have a predicament.

    My ex and I dated for nearly 3 years. We were each other’s first relationship and it was very serious.

    We finally broke up last summer. We were fighting a lot (he kissed another girl and I never really forgave him) and I couldn’t handle it. Then, in October of last year we got back together for a short period of time. I ended it around New Years again because I felt I wasn’t ready for it. Almost immediately (literally within a week) he was dating a new girl (still with her).

    We have tried to remain friends until recently, when something interesting happened.

    I was finally feeling like I could be actual friends with him again. I began to talk to him a bit more. One day, unexpectedly, he launched into a big show of emotion.

    He confessed that he still missed me sometimes, that he still thought of me, that he loved me when we were together, he couldn’t see me in person cause he might “get weak”. After he said all of this, he said “this is why we can’t be friends”, and defriended me.

    It did such a number on my psyche. I can’t stop thinking about it or him. All the emotions came back. I don’t know what to do. I want to talk to him, but I can’t. I would give so much to have one more day with him.

    Is there anything I can do to make him want to see me? I know it’s a stupid situation but God, I loved him and I just want to see him again.

    Any help??

    • admin
      July 29, 2014 | 1:34 pm

      He cheated on you…. A lot of people can’t forgive that (I don’t think I could.)

      Go into NC right now. I think thats the smartest bet.

  5. Lindsay
    July 22, 2014 | 6:45 pm

    Hi, my name is Lindsay. My ex and I were together for over a year and a half. we have been broken up for about a month but has been dating his best friends ex for the last two weeks. I can safely assume that this is a rebound. I have read all of your tuitorials online and am finding them very comforting an helpful. however, he and I were suppose to take space and work things out. He is now dating someone else, flaunting it on facebook, and is now asking his friends (who are also my friends) if I have been asking about him and talking about him. I know everyone’s situation is unique but I’m a bit lost and need a little guidence if you could help. I have not spoken to him in over a week and am trying to implement the NC now seeing as I didn’t before. What do you suggest?

    • admin
      July 24, 2014 | 2:18 pm

      How fast did he start dating this other girl.

  6. Jean
    July 20, 2014 | 3:58 pm

    I have dated a guy for 6 months.He treated me really well. However, we are not official yet. And because of that, i became very insecure. Recently, he would chat with me halfway and stop replying. I thought he had lost interest in me,and causes a misunderstanding. I tried to talk to him again but he did not reply me. So I stop talking to him. Last week i received a text from him in the morning asking me to enjoy my trip on the day I am travelling for my business trip. I replied him and tried to chat with him. But he did not reply me. I have not talked to him for 4 days. Why does he acted this way?

    • admin
      July 21, 2014 | 4:11 pm

      6 months and he didn’t make you his gf?

      • Jean
        July 22, 2014 | 12:38 am

        Whenever we were about to have that talk, things happen. And he travelled alot, thus we have little chances to have a serious talk.
        should i contact him to apologize for the things i have did? This is the first time he is ignoring me.

  7. Kay
    July 15, 2014 | 7:24 pm

    My ex and I broke up a little over a month ago after dating for a year and a half. We had a wonderful relationship, rarely fought, and really loved one another. The problem is, it was long distance. He lived an hour and a half away. We saw one another every other weekend and made it work. He just graduated last year (I graduated this year) from college and has had a tough time finding a job in something he loves. I got really sick two months ago and was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease so I became really moody and depressed. He was also going through a real rough patch and kept saying he was worthless and had three worthless degrees and how he was unhappy with everything in his life. I asked him if that meant our relationship as well and he said it didn’t, we were fine, and I was the best part of college for him. I think I had been sensing his unhappiness as well as my illness because about a month before we broke up, I had tried to go on a break with him, realized I wasn’t being myself, panicked, and told him I didn’t want to do it. We ended up not going on a break and seemed to work through it.

    After I was released from the hospital, I learned that my medication would make me have mood swings and depressive episodes. I told him that if he wanted to, he could cut ties and run because he was having such a rough time in life and I didn’t want to be a burden to him. He said we weren’t breaking up, he loved me, and everything would be alright. In between these events, he drove me home 120 miles when I was sick because he didn’t want me to crash, told me he loved me and missed me while he was at a music festival (I was in the hospital) completely unprompted, took videos of bands he knew I loved and wanted to see but was missing, and kept checking up on me. He almost hovered, to be honest, to make sure I was taking my meds and not doing anything to hurt myself.

    Then, about a week and a half after I told him he could cut and run in he wanted to, he broke up with me. He told me he didn’t have feelings for me, but took it back 5 minutes later and said that he did have feelings for me and would miss me. He kept repeating that he couldn’t drag me through the mud anymore, I wasn’t happy, and someone else would make me happier than he could. He also kept saying he needed a change and he didn’t know if he was making a mistake.

    I was and am still devastated and tried to tell him that it was wrong and that would could work through this, but he said it would only make things worse (I don’t know how?). He cried through the whole break up and wouldn’t get off the phone, I had to be the one to force him. The next day I tried to call him, but he wouldn’t answer. I ended up texting him and tried to convince him that a break up wasn’t the answer, but he said he thought it was the right thing to do for right now.

    In the month since, he hasn’t contacted me. I broke no contact once when I was in town to see if we could just meet face to face and talk, but he ended up having an excuse. However, when I texted him, he responded immediately. Unfortunately, I took his reason for not seeing me as avoiding me and told him I was getting the message. He got angry and thought I thought he was lying. I apologized for making him feel that way and he never responded after that.

    I don’t know what to do, I love him and feel like me trying to push him away when I was sick really hurt him. It wasn’t my intention, I was trying to save him from further pain. What the hell do I do? :(

    • admin
      July 16, 2014 | 2:45 pm

      Wait, I am just having trouble understanding this fully, are you saying you gave him an out and he took it?

      • Kay
        July 27, 2014 | 1:02 am

        When I gave him the out, he refused it and said we weren’t breaking up because he loved me and everything would be alright. It was later on that he broke up with me. :/

  8. Sharlene
    July 13, 2014 | 3:33 pm

    Hi Chris,
    My ex and I broke up 5 days ago after a 3 years relationship. He said he was done and needed to go out and “do him..”. I found out through a friend who saw him out at pub that he was hitting up a girl and they exchanged numbers. I also found out that he’s been texting her but she isn’t replying back (he told his roommates who told me) I know you said that this may be a coping method but when a guy says “he’s done” and “fed up” does this have an alternative meaning and is he “hitting up” girls to fill the void or has he really gotten over me?

    • admin
      July 14, 2014 | 3:19 pm

      Go out and “do him.”

      Am I the only one that hates that phrase?

      He could be filling the void.

      • Shar
        July 14, 2014 | 4:38 pm

        I’ve been implementing NC but you think it’ll work if it obvs looks like he’s quickly trying to move on?

        • admin
          July 15, 2014 | 2:43 pm

          Sometimes quickly trying to move on is the worst thing you can do. He hasn’t confronted his feelings yet, hes running from them.

  9. daisy18
    July 3, 2014 | 8:25 am

    hi there Chris!
    my ex an i broken up for 5 months, did nC for 30days successfully and he texted in between and still i ddnt reply. and up to today since last month our textin has made progress..weve been exchangin messages..and when i text him first which i have for like 3 times..he responds right away and even if the reply is “text u l8 im busy” he still does..also weve made plans for dinner twice but both ddnt push thru coz he forgot of stuff he had to do etc..pretty much work related stuff. thing is, i founs one of his possesions with me and told him about it..had it with me for 5months and jz told hin days ago..and he got mad..mad that he ddnt reply my msgs anymore..so i called him 2 personally say im Sorry (we havnt met in person its been 5 months so callin was the least sincerest way)..he said he was mad and ddint feel like talkn 2 me coz of what i did “i stole that thing from him” technically when i “stole” it it was when we were arguing abt the break up so i was upset that time. i feel hopeless..things were OK, our communication was progressive than before we barely text.last month i spoke to him abt 5 times on text..while past months were zero…. please tell me what to do Chris..
    thank you xx

    • admin
      July 7, 2014 | 5:34 pm

      Well, first things first. You need to build attraction.

  10. ileana
    June 30, 2014 | 2:58 pm

    Yes I initiated nc rule but is it really effective after 3 months of breakup

    • admin
      July 3, 2014 | 12:37 am

      It can be yes! Were you two in contact before then?

  11. Heather
    June 29, 2014 | 9:29 pm

    Hi there! I don’t even know where to start really. My bf and I were together a year and 8mos. It’s only been a week since we’ve broken up and we live together. He told me he is emotionally unavailable and doesnt know why and doesn’t know what he wants and has a crush on a co worker. Me being a woman I freaked out screamed at him called him every name in the book and told him he needed to make a decision and
    Move out with in a week. It’s been a week and he has made no decision as to if he wants to stay or go. He hasn’t started sorting or packing or anything. We don’t sleep in the same bed nothing. He references he doesn’t know how he feels and it’s not fair to me and he doesn’t know what’s going in in his head and he’s crazy and he may have to move out and pay rent on his own and figure it. He has referenced these things many times.Our convos consists of who will be home to take the dogs out. We are very civil no arguing no touching no I love you nothing. I’m devastated and I love him so
    Much and I’m willing to work on this with him. But I’m kind of confused as to what the hell he is doing? And where I’m suppose to go from here! How do I act? Do I kick him out now and tell him tough I don’t care what you do or where you go? Get out of my life? I hate the not knowing and I’m completely exhausted at this point with trying to rake my brain on what to do. Do you have some insight or advice?

    • admin
      June 30, 2014 | 2:34 pm

      Sounds like he got the grass is greener syndrome.

      Does his crush reciprocate the feelings?

  12. Eli
    June 23, 2014 | 1:45 am

    What does it mean if during NC he is telling people (mutual friends) that he “just wants to be friends” and “wants to know how she’s doing”?? He has tried to contact me but I haven’t answered and then today I hear all this crap about being friends and wanting to know if I’m ok blah blah…what does it mean?

    • admin
      June 23, 2014 | 2:27 pm

      How close is he to these friends?

      • Eli
        June 23, 2014 | 4:51 pm

        He’s quite close with them but he also knows that this friend talks to me (it’s the friend that told me he wants to be friends, he hasn’t said anything himself.) I’m torn whether he’s saying it because he’s being a jerk and wants to see if I’ve moved on, or if he’s using it as an excuse to get his foot back in the door. He DOES seem emotionally invested in some way, shape or form.

  13. Ileana
    June 18, 2014 | 6:20 am

    Hi Chris,
    I need your help. Things were going good in my life with my boyfriend but 1 day he called and said we have to behave maturely and it will be good for our future. I never felt for you but i was trying from my side so that things will work out. As we are relatives, we know each other from childhood so he was giving me lame excuses that it will be good for our families because we did not go too long into this. But he use to call me once in a week.
    So please tell me he wants me or not

    • admin
      June 18, 2014 | 2:01 pm

      Will you be initiating a NC rule?

      • ileana
        June 30, 2014 | 3:14 pm

        Hi Chris,
        Yes I initiated nc rule but its been 3 months and we called each other once in a week. But now I don’t want this kind of relationship where I have no idea what will be the result. Today is 12th day of nc and last Sunday he called me and messaged me but I didn’t pick his call and didn’t reply. Yesterday he messaged me again that I know u don’t wanna give damn to me and its your life but I just want to know how are you…
        So what’s that mean?
        What should I do now. I am confused need your advise

  14. Chloe
    June 16, 2014 | 12:29 pm

    Hey! So last year my ex and I broke up, as a result of my mistakes of cheating and lying. I know its bad, but I have finally forgiven myself. He recently returned from a 10 month deployment in Afghanistan, however, we decided to not talk while he was overseas and to see how things went when he returns. He called,emailed, and texted me the day of his arrival to see if I wanted to come over. I’ve been to his house two days in a row and both times we’ve had sex/cuddled. When I’m over, he still takes care of me like we’re together and sometimes he’ll stare at me while he thinks I’m not looking. I texted him letting him know that it was nice spending time together.And he said the same, but called me a “cuddle buddy.” He’s also in the process of moving and asked me if I wanted to help him. I love him SO much and we were previously engaged.I’m not sure what we’re doing or where we stand. I don’t know if he just wants me around for sex or if he still cares/wants to be together? How do I approach this situation?

    • admin
      June 16, 2014 | 2:35 pm

      You should read my guide on exes who use you.

  15. Mily
    June 15, 2014 | 2:02 pm

    Hi,
    I broke up with my ex the other day because I found out, ONCE AGAIN, that he was hanging out with his ex. We have been together for 16 months and throughout our relationships he’s been caught hanging out with his ex about 4 times and has even told people not to tell me although they did. I confronted him and he denied it and makes excuses constantly like they bumped into each other and just said hello but I know for a fact they were acting as if they were best friends. I’ve told him in the past he needs to stop seeing her and he has to change and he said he has and then the other day I see a picture of them uploaded on a social media site which his ex uploaded of them shopping. At this stage I had enough and I broke up with him. Now, he’s been messaging me saying how he knows he needs to be able to say no to her and he’s going to change and he wants to get back together with me and will do anything to get me back. But I’m just not sure if I can go through it all over again, even though I still love him. What do you suggest?

  16. Natasha
    June 15, 2014 | 11:47 am

    Hello. I love this article and I think I need some help.
    I’ve been together with my boyfriend for 9 months. He was actually the only one I dated with after I broke up with my first boyfriend (it took me the whole year to got totally over him) So a few weeks ago I had to move out of our city given the circumstances at that time. I wanted us to work even though we were having a distance relationship. It was hard because he is younger than me but I tried so hard for us to work out.
    A few days ago though, he broke up with me. He had been acting weird few says before that, so it wasn’t like I didn’t see that coming. But still, I was shocked and didn’t think he would do such thing after everything we’ve been through.
    His reasons were, he couldn’t take it with me bring a thousand miles away from him. I replied, “you remember what I told you about breaking up with me right?” I used to have this belief that once a string is broken, it could never be fixed again. I didn’t believe in dating in your exes, simply because I believe the word “breakup” wasn’t something you could take back so easily. He said he was fine with that and he understand the consequences of his decission.

    Three days later, his cousin texted me and asked how I was doing. I said I was fine (I used to be so close to his whole family so they were all sort of rooting for us) after a little chitchat, she asked me about our breakup and I explained it to her. After that she told me how much of a mess my ex right now. He became really silent and getting mad on such small things. She also told me he wanted me back but he was afraid I wasn’t going to give him the chance so he asked her for help. I told her that he should do more than asking for help from his family if he wants me back. I also said it doesn’t matter how much he’s gonna try, I don’t even know if I’m gonna accept him back in the end. His cousin thought it was worth the try and agreed that he should put on some effort himself if he truly is serious.

    So now he’s kind of try to talk to me again but I don’t know how to respond. Should I be all cold? or should I not reply at all? I’m afraid I will give him an exception only because I’m still in love with him. But I’m also afraid he’ll do the very same thing in the future if we got back together. Please help.

  17. Renee
    June 14, 2014 | 8:58 am

    Hi there hope you can help. I split with my man 2 years ago. He was a widower and didn’t know what he wanted. We had been together for 2 years. It’s now 5 years since his wife passed and 2 years since we’ve had any contact. Out of the blue he has sent me a text reminding me of his birthday and reminiscing about our relationship stating he didn’t know why he was making contact but he felt the urge to do so. Can someone explain why he is reaching out to me? Did he want me to respond by telephone wishing him happy birthday or is he being a selfish ass? I have not heard from him again ( 3 weeks since the last SMS). Is he testing the waters?
    What does he want?

    • admin
      June 15, 2014 | 4:21 pm

      2 years since you last talked to him?

      • Rene
        June 15, 2014 | 6:56 pm

        We have not spoken in 2 years! R

      • Renee
        June 16, 2014 | 4:17 am

        Yes – 2 years since I had any contact with
        him at all ie no personal contact, telephone contact, SMS contact. I’ve had zilch contact with the man. I’m wondering if he’s just woken up as to what he’s lost or whether he’s just lonely and decided to look in his black book and thought I’ll send her a text or whether he’s finally dawned that I’ve moved on and he’s made contact just to re-awaken all the emotions?
        That is he’s an ass! Can you enlighten me on what this male behaviour is all about? Please. R

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