"I Don’t See Us Getting Back Together…" What Does It Mean?

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

I like writing articles that challenge me intellectually.

This is one of those types of articles.

Most of you are here for a reason.

You want your ex boyfriend back.

Thus, it makes perfect sense that your greatest fear is your ex boyfriend killing any chance you have of a happy reunion.

How can he go about doing this?

Easy, with one simple phrase,

“I don’t see us getting back together”

Hmm… perhaps I wasn’t specific enough for you.

Ok, here is a quick role play in which I am going to act out your greatest fear about your ex boyfriend.

For the purposes of this role play we are going to pretend that I am your ex boyfriend (YAY ME!)

The two of us have been dating for three years and then one day you come home and notice me on the couch with a very depressed look on my face.

What’s wrong?” you ask me.

Sit down… we need to talk” I say to you with the same depressed look on my face.

Over the next hour I tell you that my feelings aren’t what they once were.

Things have gotten stale…

I just need a break from “us…”

In other words, I break up with you on the spot.

Over the next few weeks you slowly but surely work your way back into my life and try to convince me that us getting back together is a good idea.

You are relentless about this. In fact, so relentless that you start to get on my nerves.

Every single day it’s the same old story…

You try to convince me that our relationship is important and that we should get back together.

Unfortunately, after about the tenth day in a row I start to get annoyed with you and that’s when I blurt out,

“Look, I don’t see us getting back together so stop trying to convince me.”

….

….

….

OUCH!

Well, today we are going to explore what an ex boyfriend means when he says that phrase to you.

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The Way This Page Is Going To Work

it works

I’m going to be honest with you.

I don’t do this very often.

Usually when I write one of these mammoth guides I like to focus on big picture ideas.

For example, I am sure you are familiar with my guide on how to get your ex boyfriend back or how to ask him to be in a relationship with you. Those are very popular situations and each of those guides cover a wide variety of topics within them.

It’s not often that I write a guide around one specific phrase. However, that is the case with this guide as I am going to be dissecting what a man means when he tells you,

“I don’t see us getting back together…”

So, since this guide is deviating from the normal way I write it should be common sense to assume that the way this is going to work is going to be a bit different than normal.

In other words, I have decided to divide this page up into two sections… or parts… or.. whatever you prefer.

Actually, now that I think about it I think I am going to go with “parts.”

So, there is going to be a part one and a part two.

Now, I know what you are wondering.

“What the heck are these parts?”

Good question, in order for me to explain that I must first explain the two commonly held beliefs that women have when they hear,

“I don’t see us getting back together”

Two Beliefs About “I Don’t See Us Getting Back Together”

believe it buddy

How can I put this…

There are two train of thoughts when it comes to the phrase we are dissecting today.

Thought One- My Ex Doesn’t Want To Be With Me… Right Now

Thought Two- My Ex Doesn’t Want To Be With Me

Now, I am tempted to explain what each of these train of thoughts mean but that’s kind of the point of the whole article here so I am going to hold off on that.

Above I mentioned that I have decided to format this page so that there are two parts to it.

Do you see where these is going?

Part One = My Ex Doesn’t Want To Be With Me… Right Now

Part Two = My Ex Doesn’t Want To Be With Me

Now, since the goal of this guide is to teach you about the mind of a man who says, “I don’t want to be with you right now” I am going to give you my thoughts on what is going on in the mind of a man who says this phrase in each of the parts.

Part of the problem that we are dealing with here is the fact that everything is very situational.

For example, a man who has just gotten cheated on is probably more likely to mean “I don’t want to be with you” than a man who hasn’t.

That’s kind of why instead of giving one set answer to what it means when a man tells you that he doesn’t see the two of you getting back together I am giving you both sides of the coin.

Lets start with part one!

PART ONE: It Means That He Doesn’t Want To Be With You… Right Now

right now

Like I said above there are two parts to this bad boy.

In this “part” we are going to be focusing on your ex boyfriend meaning he doesn’t want to be with you… right now.

So, for those of you who are confused take a deep breath.

The way this works is pretty simple.

Your ex boyfriend tells you the generic,

“I don’t see us getting back together.”

But what does he really mean?

Well, with this “part” he does mean what he says but only in the current moment.

The Importance Of “Right Now”

meow

Take a look at the phrase above..

Hmm.. maybe I should be mores specific.

Ok, take a look at the phrase below,

“It means that he doesn’t want to be with you… right now.”

Notice the bolded part?

Those two little words, right now, mean A LOT.

They are the difference from your ex boyfriend actually meaning what he says and not meaning what he says.

The best way I can describe this is by taking a look at a workout.

I know that sounds weird but bear with me here.

I really enjoy going for a workout.

Why?

Because I feel like I am accomplishing something and after the workout food tastes like 10 times better.

So, lets say that I go for a really hard workout.

Lets say I do something insane and am in the gym for something crazy like 4 hours and I end up losing 5lbs from that one workout. After I am finished with the workout I think to myself,

“Man, I have nothing left to give.”

If you were to ask me in that moment,

“Hey Chris, would you like to go out for another workout?”

I would definitely say no especially if I felt I had nothing left to give.

However, if you were to ask me the same question a few days later when I am feeling healthy I would definitely say yes.

The two little words,

“Right Now”

Work in this way.

Just because your ex boyfriend is saying something like, “I don’t see us getting back together” to you doesn’t necessarily make it true.

Hmm… perhaps I should expand on this.

Why An Ex Saying “I Don’t See Us Getting Back Together” Doesn’t Make It True 100% Of The Time

must be true

“Two words. Three vowels. Four consonants. Seven letters. It can either cut you open to the core and leave you in ungodly pain or it can free your soul and lift a tremendous weight off you shoulders. The phrase is: It’s over.”

Maggie Richard once said this about breaking up.

I have found that it is very true.

As I am sure you are aware going through a breakup is one of the most painful things that a human being can experience.

I mean, breakups are often associated with,

  • Pain
  • Anger
  • Crying
  • Depression
  • Loss Of Appetite
  • Physical Harm
  • Withdrawl

Last time I checked everything I mentioned above is very negative.

I guess my point is that breakups have a lot of negatives associated with them and a person doesn’t just get over a breakup in a week or two. Heck, I have seen some cases where it takes a person YEARS to finally move on.

So, let me ask you.

When you take an ex boyfriend who is going through a highly emotional time during a breakup and listen to him say,

“I don’t see us getting back together”

How likely is it that you think he actually means what he is saying?

I mean, of course he doesn’t see the two of you getting back together RIGHT NOW because RIGHT NOW his life sucks.

He is going through a breakup after all.

You remember my cool example about the workout above?

Well, I look at an ex boyfriend saying that he doesn’t see the two of you getting back together like you asking him if he wants to run a mile after he has just run a marathon. Of course, the answer is going to be no in the moment.

However, like with most relationships a lot of this all boils down to timing.

If you were to re-approach the situation at a later time and push the right emotional buttons you may find that he has a different outlook.

In other words, “right now” usually means,

“Maybe Later.”

A Case Study Proving This

Here is something I haven’t done before.

Today we are going to take a real life example and show you how you can’t always take everything your ex boyfriend says “in the moment” so personally.

I want you to meet Sarah.

(That isn’t really her but I figured you would respond better to an image of her so I found this picture to hold as a place holder.)

Sarah is just like you.

Her boyfriend broke up with her citing a bunch of lame reasons (most of which aren’t true.)

Like all women in her position Sarah was faced with a choice.

She could desperately try to win him back or she could give up and move on.

What do you think she chose?

If you guessed “getting him back” then you would be right. Of course, Sarah wasn’t too clever in how she tried to get him back. She made most of the mistakes here and ended up pushing her ex further away.

That’s when something amazing happened.

The heavens parted…

Angels sang…

And God brought her his most powerful ally when it comes to breakups…

ME!

angel man

All kidding aside Sarah ended up finding Ex Boyfriend Recovery and implementing the advice found here.

Slowly but surely the advice started working.

Oh, perhaps I should mention that the two of us communicated for a while through the comments section here. In fact, I believe she even went as far as to buy my PRO system. So, we did have constant contact throughout this hard time in her life.

It might also be relevant to mention that at one point early on her ex boyfriend did mutter a version of,

“I don’t see us getting back together ever…”

What did he say exactly?

To be honest I can’t remember 100% what he said but it was probably something like,

“Look Sarah, I like you a lot but I don’t think we are right together.”

You get the picture.

So, here is the question I submit to you.

Do you think he meant it?

Well, the only sure fire way that Sarah could find out was to try my strategies and see if she could get him back.

Guess what…

SHE DID!

Screen-Shot-2015-04-27-at-6.26.42-PM

So, what we have here is a case where an ex boyfriend claims that he is never going to take you back and then his actions suggest otherwise.

Speaking of actions…

Actions Vs. Words Theory

more action

I am a big believer that actions speak louder than words.

I know…

I know…

It’s not necessarily the most earth shattering insight but it kind of explains the case study above.

For example, Sarah’s boyfriend told her at one point that he didn’t think that they would be together. However, after a few months go by he ends up getting together with her.

Does this make him a liar?

Why yes it does…

Above I explained my theory on why this phenomenon occurs (remember how I said that breakups are extremely emotional and cloud people’s judgement?) Well, I don’t want to spend too much time talking about the lying right now.

What I would like to do is focus in on the actions vs words theory.

What is the actions vs words theory you ask?

Actions Vs. Word’s Theory– Instead of getting hung up on a mans words I want you to take words out of the equation entirely. I want you to take a look at his actions only since they are the true test as to what he is really thinking.

Lets zone in on the situation above with Sarah and her ex.

What was Sarah’s exes words?

“I don’t see us getting back together”

If Sarah was smart (which she was) she would completely disregard this and instead of obsessing about it she would just focus in on his actions AFTER he said it since they are the true test.

Ok, lets do that now.

What was Sarah’s exes actions?

He took her back

So, what we have here is a situation where the actions and words don’t agree. Of course, it just so happens that them not agreeing worked out for Sarah in this case.

What’s the point of me teaching you this theory?

It’s to teach you to not react to him saying “I don’t see us getting back together” immediately.

That’s actually the worst mistake you can make because you’ll be amazed at how many men can change their mind down the road but you can’t right them off right away for that to happen.

Of course, there are always those cases where your exes action may match up with his words.

PART TWO: It Actually Means He Doesn’t Want To Be With You

do not want

If you recall I have divided this page up into two different “parts.”

These parts are meant to represent the most common train of thoughts that women have when a man tells them “I don’t see us getting back together…”

In part one I talked a lot about the fact that there is a strong chance that your ex boyfriend may not totally mean it when he tells you that you guys aren’t going to end up together. Well, in part two we are going to take the opposite approach.

I am going to list out the warning signs that you need to keep an eye out for if your ex boyfriend actually means what he says.

There is nothing worse than putting your heart and soul into something only to have it not pan out in the end.

That is exactly what I want to help you avoid in this “part.”

Look, I would be doing you a disservice if I sat here and told you that there wasn’t a possibility that your ex could mean what he says when he says the “get back together” line.

There is…

However, I am going to teach you the warning signs that you need to look out for to determine whether or not trying to get him back is a waste of time.

I guess we should start off by talking about a concept that I just talked about.

Actions Vs. Words Matching

actions

It’s kind of weird.

Usually when we talk about actions and words matching we want them to match.

For example, when you have an ex boyfriend who gives you mixed signals and says something like,

“We will be together later.”

You want his actions to match with his words because it means that eventually you will indeed be together.

Unfortunately, that is not the case in this situation.

If you have an ex boyfriend who tells you that he doesn’t see the two of you getting back together you want his actions to say the opposite.

But what if they match?

What if your ex boyfriend tells you that he doesn’t want to be with you and his actions also point towards that?

Well, in that case things aren’t looking so good for you since it probably points towards the fact that he actually means what he says.

But what are some of the “actions” he can take for him to actually mean his words?

Action #1- He Ignores You Permanently

Lets say that your ex delivers the patented “I don’t see us getting back together line” and you take a very pragmatic approach to receiving the news.

Rather than reacting in the moment like so many other women do you decided to lay back and study his actions.

Your first way of testing the waters is reaching out to him with a friendly text message,

Screen Shot 2015-05-20 at 8.46.00 AM

You wait a few minutes… no response.

You wait an hour… no response.

You wait for a full day… no response.

Hmm… it looks like he isn’t going to respond to me. That’s ok, I will try again at a later date” you think to yourself.

There’s just one problem.

When you do try again at a later date he still ignores you.

In fact, every single time you ever reach out to him he ignores you.

As a general rule no response/attention from an ex is the worst thing that can happen to you.

No, seriously…

I would rather take negative attention over no attention any day when it comes to this game.

Let’s move on to our next “action.”

Action #2- He Is Insisting That You Won’t Get Back Together… A Lot

This isn’t an action per se but if your ex boyfriend is persistent about the fact that the two of you won’t get back together it can turn into an action.

Confusing huh?

Allow me to explain.

Imagine that I was your ex boyfriend and I told you that we weren’t ever going to get back together.

Of course, you being you, you decided to completely disregard what I say and continued to try to win me back.

Now, me being me continued to tell you that you had no chance.

In fact, I must have said this to you over 10 times.

If I am saying something to you that much it becomes an action.

Why?

Because there is a pattern to it and I consciously created that pattern.

In other words, I consciously took the action of building that pattern.

Action #3- Your Ex Starts Dating Someone Else

Some of you may be shocked that I am even mentioning this since I have put together extensive guides on how to get your ex back if he has a new girlfriend.

So, why would I recommend that women try to win back their ex in that case and not in this one?

Well, this is a little bit of a different situation.

Why?

Because of the fact that your ex warned you ahead of time that he did not see the two of you getting back together in the future… ever.

So, him taking the action of finding someone else is indicative that he might actually mean what he says.

Now, I do have a bit of good news with regards to this particular situation.

There are some very rare cases where he will date a new girl just to spite you.

For example, if I was your ex and was hurt really bad by the breakup and I went out and found the first girl that would date me I would be doing it to spite you. It just so happens that we call this a rebound relationship.

Rebounds are not what I am talking about here.

I am talking about when your ex boyfriend legitimately moves on.

In other words, enough time has passed for him to be over the breakup and be serious about someone new.

I guess what I am trying to say here is that if your ex is in a rebound relationship we aren’t going to count that as an official relationship.

Get it?

February 1, 2017

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

What Do You Think? (313)

  1. Krysten - 0

    Krysten

    Hey, love all the articles on here. However, most cases I noticed it right after you break up. What if you waited a couple months already and you guys talk as friends however now you’re implementing the no contact. Is there a page that suggests how to get him back then? Also he told me he still loves me and misses me and will always, so a lot of the stuff I see on here is if he doesn’t say those things…

    Reply
  2. Sarah - 0

    Sarah

    Hi,
    My ex and I were together for 5 years until suddenly he broke up after we did not see each other during vacationtime. He said he fell out of love with me and he cannot even remember when he loved me the last time! But 10 days before i asked him if he sees a future with me and he replied – of course! I want 4 children!
    When he came back I asked him about moving in again for 5 days a week (he moved out bc of money issues and bc of our fighting). He said yes he wants to move in but then looked sad. The next morning he was sad too then cried because of his dead grandmother? And when I asked him to work on himself by seeing a therapist for his anger issues (we both agreed to wirk on our individual struggles before with a councelor to improve our relationship) – he broke up with me. Saying he started thinking in the vacation that he is not happy in his life and the next thought was that we dont fit together. It was horrible – be both cried for like an hour. The thing is we have so much in common and he is also going through a life crisis with serious visa and money issues.
    We tried couple therspy and it worked but the week we stopped it was the week he broke up.
    Now, i did not contact him for 20 days then i broke it couple times with positive messages about great things happening in my life or if he wants to come out with his friends and myself.
    He completelly ignores me and we haveva vacation booked in 5 weeks.
    What should I do? He is my life and I am committed to work on myself – we went through a crisis before and fixed it but this time it was a real break up 3 weeks ago. What should I do???

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sarah,

      if he’s ignoring you, start over the count and stick to 30 days.. if he initiates a talk about the vacation, talk about it but only about it.. better if you say that you’ll think about it and get back to him when its near..that way you can talk about it after the nc period

  3. Kelsey - 0

    Kelsey

    I was in a relationship for 2.5 years. We lived together for the last year of the relationship. I was very insecure and would start issues over small things. I became very unhappy, we began fighting a lot and eventually broke it off and moved our separate ways. I realized my silly mistakes cost me the relationship. I began working on myself for myself and I’m in a much better place. I did no contact for a month and a half. Ended up contacting him to apologize for how we had ended things. He had been trying to contact me (I had him blocked on everything) for weeks to tell me about a death in his family. We’be been in contact for a few weeks now, we’ve had dinner and drinks as well which went great. I felt that things were moving positively and so I brought up the idea of maybe us hanging out and dating and he brought up an array of excuses “don’t you think that we have tried?”, “you don’t want to live where I do” (that not being true at all), etc. I’ve never gotten upset or angry at him in fact I’ve said I respect his opinion. However, something is telling me to not give up. He is very up and down and must be confused. At one point he said I don’t want to consider getting back together and yesterday he had said “give it a year and maybe ill see you’ve changed”. I know I won’t wait around for a year. I’m willing to let some more time pass but I won’t be a doormat. Is there any hope for this situation? Or should I just leave it alone? My heart and head seem to be telling me to keep trying but it’s very confusing. Any help is appreciated!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Kelsey,

      I think it was too early too ask for dates. It should have come more naturally after building more rapport and attraction from hangouts. For me, you should move on. First, he knows you’re still waiting. Second, you’re right. One year is too long to wait and to let him know that you’re waiting.

  4. Samantha - 0

    Samantha

    Hey
    My boyfriend and I are both 20 and have been together since we were 16. A few months ago he first brought up that he thought we should end our relationship, then three weeks ago he was adamant it was over so we both agreed to go on a break and see how it goes. I told him that we won’t talk or see each other for a week, but obviously we ended up speaking, and we agreed that we’ll go on a break and let it build up then try again and it’ll feel like a new relationship. He told me that we will get back together we just need a few months apart seeing our friends and having fun. Then about a week into our break this girl who all his friends are close to started texting him, I know there is nothing going on with them and that they are just friends but he texts her all the time and has seen her at least 4/5 times, from what he’s vaguely told me. I don’t have a problem with him being friends with girls because my best friend of ten years is a guy (who’s gay). It just worries me because he says that she’s a lot of fun and he likes spending time with her, he does all the things we used to and I feel like he doesn’t miss me because she’s fun and maybe more fun than me? So we said we were going to see how it goes and he seemed positive in wanting to get back with me. Then last week things started to go bad in that we argued a little but nothing big, it was mainly just frustration on my part because I never wanted it to be over and I still wanted to try. Now he’s saying it’s officially over and that he can’t help how he’s feeling. He said that he only said about us getting back together because he was confused and now he’s not confused any more. Although he said he’s been thinking about splitting up for a few months he was the one who said we should go to New York in January and we were looking at hotels and flights, etc. Also the week before he seriously said about splitting up he told me was going to be at my graduation which isn’t for another two years. For us both this was never a silly little relationship, we talked about living together, getting married, having a family. We thought we were going to be one of the first loves who last. I’m just scared that where I’ve tried to show him that I still love him and want to be with him it’s just pushed him away more? And when I’ve given him space the last month it’s gone both ways in that he said it would work and now he’s saying it won’t. We haven’t argued, we haven’t fallen out, neither of us have cheated, it literally just seems he doesn’t want to be in a relationship before. He said he still wants me in his life, he still cares about me, he still loves me, but he just can’t be with me. Both of our families want us to get back together too. We still have things booked too, on 21st of this month we’re going to see a band we both love but now I’m dreading it. We also work together so I’ll still have to see him every week but since our split he’s not been at work. It’s also my 21st next month and we always said we’d do something big for it. He knows that I’d wait for him and that I’m not interested in anyone else. At the end of the day he’s my best friend and neither of us thought we’d have to go through something like this.

    Reply
  5. Lariene - 0

    Lariene

    my ex broke up with me in aug. after that, we’ve fought, i’ve said some extremely hurtful things. even with that, he still spoke to me, responded, still told me he loved me, he just didn’t want us anymore. in oct we hooked up, i felt dirty…of coursee like the idiot that i am, i vocalized that. we argued again, i said some more hurtful things… he said he didn’t hate me but he just wanted nothing to do with me. he hasn’t responded since then. i didn’t contact him for ALMOST a month (next week would have made 30 days) but i accidentally hit send on skype.. i texted him after that and told him the skype request was not intentional. but i called him the next day, he was at work so he didn’t answer. he called back later (i know that doesn’t mean anything)…i just wanted to see how he was doing and apologize for all the hurtful things i said. our phone call lasted 1min. after i said “i just wanted to check up on you…..” he said “ok, bye”. so i texted him what i initially wanted to say. he didn’t say anything back. i love him, i miss him, we had a great relationship, i was just insecure and didn’t appreciate him. i made him pay for other’s mistakes…i’m angry and i know why he left..but i think i’m more sad that i’ve lost my best friend. what do i do? is he gone forever?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lariene,

      how much did you change and improve since you started the no contact rule?

  6. Grapes 001 - 0

    Grapes 001

    Hey, my boyfriend ended things yesterday because he’s sick of our petty arguments. The frustrating thing is after he petty argument I ran to fix it, and he was rude. He then messaged saying sorry for being rude and I text him so,e pretty hefty texts explaining how I would never talk to him like that and how he said he was busy but he’s fine talking to everyone else as normal. Anyway he ignored me for 2 days which is not like him. When we finally spoke he said he was tired of the petty arguments, and couldn’t see this working. One day before this argument he told me he wanted to move in with me and we were planning our Christmas together. After we hung up I asked him how he’d feel if I was with someone else and if someone else was kissing me. He said he wouldn’t like to see it or think about it. I asked these questions to make sure he fully understood the break up. I haven’t replied since he replied and I don’t plan on it either. It just shocks me how he can plan a future with me one day and say he wasn’t bothered to contact me the next. What do you suggest? We work together so I am definitely going to look to move elsewhere and I am going to try focusing on me and begin happy. I just don’t understand the change so quickly. Help!

    Reply
  7. LaurieC80 - 0

    LaurieC80

    Hello,

    So my ex dumped me a little more than a month ago. We had a fight over moving in together and he wasn’t ready. Well, i probably pushed too much in the last few months and it drove him away. However after the fight we both talked about our future together and even though he wasnt ready to move in just yet after us dating 2 yrs, he said hed like me to move nearby him…its cheaper and currently i have roomies so he couldn’t come over. So he was excited about me getting a place near him. I told him though i can afford to pay monthly rent, saving for deposit was difficult for me as a single mom. He was mad that i didn’t ask him for help sooner. But he said hed help me with a deposit and that if i ever needed assistance in the future to never hesitate to ask. After all that he seemed fine, i asked him if we were good before i left that night, and he said he thinks wed have a stronger relationship after talking and resolving this. He told me he loved me very much and could not wait to see me in a few days.
    Just 5 hrs later i get a text saying we were over. For several days after i pestered him and begged etc. Id go a week and send him more angry texts. Mostly with no response. Early in November i asked for my stuff and he wouldn’t answer. Finally i made the mistake of asking if i needed to get police involved to get my stuff back and finally he responds. We chat over text i asked him if he loved me he says not anymore. I ask if there’s a chance to reconcile he said hes “made his decision “. I told him i loved him and he said thats my problem. That was Nov 7th. I haven’t heard from him since and ive stopped trying to reach out goung on 3 weeks. I really want to talk and get him back. We had a great relationship where we rarely fought. Ive never had such a good relationship. And now it’s gone. We’re not kids im 36 hes 45, im hoping time and space heals….but im losing hope. Hes very stubborn and i dont think nc or any thing else will bring him atound. What should i do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lauriec80,

      at this point, for me, 45 nc won’t help. Because it would be like you’re just fooling yourself. He knows how much you’re hung up on him.. 45 days isn’t enough to convince somebody that you have moved on. For me, you’re only chance is to look like you’ve really moved on and that you’ve improved for him to be attracted again.

  8. J. Dozier - 0

    J. Dozier

    Hi, my ex boyfriend of four years and I broke up two months ago because we were on different pages with marriage: he had been sure for over a year that he wanted to marry me, but I had been working through doubts and hesitations during the year and didn’t feel like I had a clear peace about it. In September, we broke up because I felt like I needed space to gain clarity to figure out what I wanted, and in that time I realized a lot of why I was hesitant. I wrote him a long letter explaining those things a month into our breakup, and even though I didn’t have a clear answer on how to move forward, I had really hoped we would get back together. I realized we hadn’t had important conversations about it, and I wanted to begin those to move forward. However, he asked to meet up a couple weeks ago and told me that getting my letter gave him more confidence to move on, and that we werent ever going to get back together. He also told me that he was taking another girl out on dates (only 6 weeks after our breakup), and that he felt like this past year had been preparing him to let it go. He unfriended me on all social media and deleted every picture, and seems to be doing just fine, while ive been having a really hard time. I have written him another letter for my own closure, explaining my hopes and intentions in the breakup and my desire at the time to be together, but also accepting his decision and telling him what I hope for him moving forward. I want to send it to him, just because I feel like I can’t move on unless he knows everything. Do you think this is a bad decision? Will it only push him further away, even though explaining that I wanted to be with him, and I’m accepting his choice and wishing him well? Thank you for your help.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi J Dozier,

      It would probably put you in the chaser position, because right now, it’s clear that he just wants you to move on. So, just do it. Let your actions show that you have understood his decision and you’re moving on.

  9. Vb08 - 0

    Vb08

    My boyfriend and I dated for a yr in a half.We seemed to never fight besides little pitty stuff every now an then like oh get off your game an hang with me.We was so happy&I was told by him before the relationship his mom didn’t like anybody.She was set in her ways,an I noticed made all the decisions in the house.We was fine,until she started liking her other sons girl again.Its like she could not like both.Problems started to occur even after my boyfriend moved on his own.All a sudden he started picking fights and wanting alone time.I even fixed my issues after we broke up the 1st time,We got back together&didnt argue that whole two months,but he once again left for no reason then wanted me back.Final time he told me he do whatever,I told him to grow a pair that I was in it with him an not his family. To stop lie in over dumb things,and to let his parent know he was happy with me.She found out an said whatever he raged out on me an left that he was done trying with all the drama.Told me his feelings changed an he didn’t feel the same.I asked if we manage to cross paths somehow again if we moved on an something happend,would he never consiter even then&he said to not say never because we didn’t know the future an he wanted me to move on hoped I got over him that it was best we put in our mind we won’t get back together an for me to think that way.Didnt make sense.He offered to be friends an only hang as friends that he saw nothing wrong with it. I don’t see the point in that if he’s gonna tell me he don’t want me.He told me he didn’t want me or anyone,an that’s he’s not talked to his mom since he left me a month ago.I just kinda doubt he’s not talking to her,because he’s always listened to her.Also said multiple times that it wasn’t my fault an I done nothing wrong,an when I asked if i didnt do nothing wrong how did you fall out of love with me and if you did feel like you lost feelings why did you keep coming back?.He said for me to not ask that because he didnt even know why(as in how he supposably fell out).I have blocked him from my phone,and went out with friends as I should.We don’t speak. Just bothers me that we was so happy,until all this occurred an I felt like I lost him.We are not a young teenage couple,he is 28 an I’m 26.So I feel that’s his choice if he wants others to control him.Is he lien about loving me because whatever personal family matters is going on? Or is there really no chance after the storm passes?.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI VB08,

      it would be better if you unblock him but don’t add him back if you do, just unblock.. do you want to try the no contact rule?

  10. Jennifer - 0

    Jennifer

    Hi,

    My ex broke up with me 3 days ago. Throughout our entire relationships i let my insecurities grow and fought with him. I would say really mean things such as ” oh well i’ll just go f*** another guy” or that ” your a piece of shit and i hope you die” stuff that I never really meant. I think he stuck it out for so long because he was trying to see if I was going to change. I also paid the entire rent, utilities and groceries. This was also because he was struggling, and when I met him he was just starting college at the age of 25. I think he also held on to me because I would do things girls would never do for their boyfriend. I would meal prep for him. I would think of the most romantic thing to surprise him wtih. But he also said when we broke up that the good should not come at a cost. He said that ” He never questioned if i was a good woman or not and that having feelings still and knowing things don’t change is also another thing. he hasn’t rushed anything, it has been going on, Everything that was done and said nobody knows how it feels. I think this is right for now because i feel like this is how it has to be . people shouldn’t be in situations that make them doubt themselves and lose hope in things. it isn’t fair to either people. I started to feel like there was something wrong with me . I just needed to do this (breakup).” On the first day of our break up, i didn’t cal or text him, i got so agitated and tried to change his mind on the second day ( i know it was a bad move) . He moved out and everything. he says that hes not leaning towards getting back together, that he is just focusing on himself and needing to feel like himself again. He says he doesn’t know if feeling like himself again will make him stronger to recover this relationship, or to just say leave the relationship in the past and hope for a better one next time . HELP !!!! I know that i need to give him space.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jennifer,

      well at least you know that you have to give him space.. I think you need to apologize, if you haven’t, for a clean slate and then do the no contact rule. Improve and grow, be in a new world and make new friends. Look like you’re moving on so that he wouldnt hesitate starting as friends again later on.

  11. Nadine - 0

    Nadine

    My Ex boyfriend broke up with me 11 days ago. The day after he broke up with me, I texted him asking him if he was okay and he said that he hopes im okay too. Anyway, Since that moment, i’ve been in NC. Its been about 9 days. I really miss him. Yesterday my cousin texted him to see if he’s okay and he said he’s still cool with me and he wants to give me time to sink in that we’re not getting back together. It really hurt me hearing that because on Facebook, he still has all of our relationship pictures and he still have pictures of me in his room. I dont know what he’s thinking..does he love me or not? We’ve been together for two and a half years and he hasnt been happy with his life for the past couples months. I’ve supported him throughout his depression and he let me go. He said that I used to be really mean and bad to him but that was a long time ago. He said its hard to not bring up the past when you lost interest in someone. Im really hurt. I dont know what to do. Im still in NC and im dedicated to not contacting him but i want him back.. He’s a really close family friend and he’s coming to my birthday cause im sharing it with a cousin and I want to win him back. We were a 2 hours long distance couple and we sae eachother once maybe every 4 months. I feel like he lost interest because we barley saw eachother. I want him back. I have so much hope..Please help.

    Reply
  12. Lette - 0

    Lette

    I need help. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years and have been living together. Well we broke up about 2 months ago. He just out of nowhere said the feelings weren’t there anymore and he didn’t feel the same. He also said he just didn’t see anything with us right now. So I moved but I really want to be with him but idk what to do or how to deal with this. Oh,we also have a 1 year old daughter together,so idk if cutting contact off completely is a good idea or what?

    Reply
  13. maria - 0

    maria

    Chris..I NEEEEED your help. My ex and I were together for the last 4 years and in that time have had 4 kids together..a HUGE issue of mine with him was that he couldn’t hold a job for more than 3 months, while trying to support our family, so I ended up doing the supporting. We had a lot of great times, he made me laugh like no other and likewise, and also we had great sexual chemistry. He is 27 next month and I am 22. We have literally been through thick and thin, we’ve never cheated on each other. But due to my insecurities I have accused him of looking at other girls and finding them more attractive. (Dumb, I know) anyways, the relationship had moments where it had gotten physically aggressive on both sides. I wouldn’t label it abuse. But more like an immature temper tantrum on both parts. Well this last time was the worst physically..we were both involved and he had me arrested. Anyways, we broke up 3 months ago, and we hadn’t had contact until about 3 weeks ago. I tried my hardest not to beg. But after seeing him for him to visit my kids, it brought feelings back. We were both cool during the visit, but afterwards I made myself look dumb twice by crying to him about what we had. He keeps saying, “we both need to fix ourselves” and that he is not worried about a relationship. However, he has slept with someone already and is also partying it up and hanging with all these girls. The other night, the same day I cried to him about missing him, he had a girl call me from his phone at midnight saying something flirty to him in the background and he hung up..I later saw on Facebook the girl admitting they were trying to mess with me. I am stuck..would he play these games if he didn’t want me back? You know, out of spite? Also, when he calls my kids he is as nice as can be. Do you think he enjoys seeing me suffer? Or since he’s prideful, could he be hiding the fact that he is fighting to take me back? Also how I mentioned a big issue was him not working… He always brags about his new awesome job.. What could that mean?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Maria,

      bottomline, both of you are immature.. His actions to hurt you, is just something that’s vengeful..

  14. Michelle - 0

    Michelle

    We had been on and off for a very long time. When we actually tried breaking up we tried cutting eachother off completely except on facebook. After 4 days, my ex begged for me back, and he begged pretty hard. within a month, he had already decided he no longer wanted to be with me and he was being extra stern and more hurtful. He actually waited until the morning of what would’ve been 11 months together to tell me he didn’t want me anymore. I’m worried he might actually mean it this time because hes been trying extra hard to push me away and telling me to move on and let him go and that i’ll be fine on my own. should i restart a longer NC or do you think he’s really serious?

    Reply
    • Michelle - 0

      Michelle

      and by 11 months, I mean 11 months consecutively. Because except for those 4 days, whenever we tried separating from eachother we always stayed together.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Michelle,

      You have to stick to no contact rule this time because you’re on and off. There is that chance that it wont work if you will break it once he misses you and messages you that he wants you back. Because he has to see that you’re getting tired of his actions and he has to think that you’re finally moving on. He has to think he will lose you if he will not stick to his word of committing to you. So I think you have to do at least 45 days of no contact.

    • Michelle - 0

      Michelle

      well, I’ll admit I kind of rushed things when we tried again because i was just so happy that he came back i wasn’t exactly sure what he meant by “starting over and going slow” because we’ve been together for so long. And its just really nerve wracking to see him say things like, “get over me”, “you’ll be fine without me”, or “change your mindset. Im not there anymore.” We’ve been on and off for so long I wouldn’t blame him if he definitely called it quits. I know none of these techniques are guaranteed to work but im just nervous. The only reason he even hit me up last time was because he got jealous. but i doubt he’ll make the same mistake twice

  15. Sandy - 0

    Sandy

    So my ex boyfriend and I have been split up for a week. We split up because I lied to him, several times. He is 25 and I am 23. During this week I have done the no contact rule, until yesterday (day 6.) Where my car broke down on the side of the road and I couldn’t get ahold of any of my family members so I made a post on Facebook. Mind you, he deleted me from Facebook and called me twice. I ended up calling him since he was really worried. We ended up talking for a really long time, but he still is saying that he has zero trust for me and for that reason he doesn’t want to be with me. He still said he loves me and is miserable without me. And wants me to be apart of his life.
    What should my next steps be?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sandy.

      Just restart no contact.. See, he checks your posts. So continue to be active in this no contact and be active in improving yourself. Make it seem like you’ve accepted that he doesn’t want a relationship and you’re now moving on

  16. Ninna - 0

    Ninna

    My ex boyfriend of 3yrs left me 3 months back. Till then I did the No contact. He came to meet me during the No contact. We spoke for around 7 days where he met me 3times and he left me. Cause of few arguments that happens in those 7days, arguments were regarding a few girls , he was flirting behind my back during the relationship , that wasn’t my problem but he crossed his limits in flirting, he says he didn’t get physical with any girl till now except me ..now since he has lied so many time I am unable to trust him . He has hurted me too dam lot and he has lied also many time I over looked many of his mistakes.
    I am unable to understand his behavior. He stopped talking to me on the 11th September after which I texted him on the 20th September . Reason behind texting him was because it was our 3yrs anniversary . He replied to my text he wished me also i asked him how he was doing he said he was super busy cause of festivals exam and events. the chat was tooo formal I told him I missed him. He said let’s not go there . I asked him if we shared any bad memories he said our memories are like a mangnet to him. But he does not want to get back there.i asked him if he was dating someone else he said that’s the problem there is no girl. I told him there were so many girls you flirted with he said those are just friends. he doesn’t want a girlfriend. he asked me to move on.I told him I had ever reason to move on but I am unable to cause I still love you even with your flaws. He sent me a peace icon on wat’s app. Which meant ok enough now I don’t wana talk. he sends that whenever he doesn’t want to talk. I asked him to block me. And he did. This is not our 1st break up we have broken up hell lot of times with worst situations and he was always back. Everytime he said things like this and came back. But what is scaring me his behavior with me. And he has left our common group on what’s app and plus he stays online all day.
    I don’t understand he has hurted me he has lied to me. Then why is he behaving like this with me. How can he ignore me? Where I tried to sort everything thinking he feels guilty for what all he has been doing behind my back.
    P.S our common friend texted me saying she met him yesterday after college when they were on the way going back home he saw a Renault Car. And it reminded him of the text drive we took. He was telling my friend that. And she told me he still remembers you. What do I do to get him back. I know I have given more than 1000% in this relationship and loved more than anything. He too had told me long back I am not someone who can be dated I am someone who can be married to. He himself he told me I can’t find a person like you. What to do please help me.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Ninna,

      You rushed things. Yes, you did nc but how did you do during it and after it? Did you keep improving yourself? After nc, he should think you have or is moving on because you are continuously improving and because you’re not chasing him and you’re just being friendly. And then you slowly build rapport and attraction through text, calls and then meet ups. Arguing, getting angry is big no no because that kills rapport. And especially in your case, even though he misses you,it looks like all he sees from you is the old you he broke up with. He misses the good times, but the negative ones are greater than the positive ones and he can still see you haven’t changed. You just distanced yourself for a while, and now you’re back chasing him.

    • Ninna - 0

      Ninna

      So what should I do now?
      I am off all social networking sites cause I want to control myself from initiating contact with him and stop chasing seeing him online all the time it used to hurt me more. So ya for around a month I only want to focus on my work and not be desperate and most importantly to stop chasing him. This time I am thinking of doing NC for 90 days
      And he has hurted me a lot by doing things behind my back and lieing to me. And even after telling him I am ready to forgive you for all you did. all I want you is to te me the truth whatever you did in the past without me knowing (during our relationship) he said I don’t remember things. When he replies like this It also pisses me.
      Above whatever I have written is what I felt like doing. Cause I felt it’s only one way to control my self. Cause I know myself that much at least. But your an expert at this I want to know from you what should I do to get him back. Cause trust me past 3 yrs I have going through this again and again him leaving me. I am struggling like this.I want a permanent solution to it where he is back Forever. Where he sees dreams to marry me and chase me.
      My friends tell me he is bored of the relationship. And yes he has used these words when he was back last time it feels better without the relationship but not without you. Your a habit to me. But now he doesn’t even want to talk to me. Nor see me. please I really want a future with this man please help me out

    • Ninna - 0

      Ninna

      I was the only girl who he dated for so long. But in these 3yrs it’s been like 2 month or 3 months we are together and then he leaves me for 1 or 2 months and comes back. again. This has happened more than 10 times and every time I do NC. And he comes back. But it’s of no use cause he leaves. And he never gives a reason for the break up. And then during the relationship and off the relationship he has been flirting with girls and crossed his limits. I too used to flirt but I always used to let him know everything.
      My friends are fed up with us cause of the ample of times he has left me. He knows he was wrong but he still shows attitude and his ignorance towards me then when months pass he acts as if nothing happened he starts loving me does amazing things for me and then I am back to square 1 to this site for help.
      We both were very possessive About each other and still are. But when I changed and started being less possessive he was still the same. But he did everything behind my back and expects me not to react. And when I reacted it pissed him off.
      I still love him even with his flaws. I feel somewhere he too is hurt but not showing me. I tried talking to him too most of the times he doesn’t wana talk but when he does talk he doesn’t keep his words. And lies.
      My heart still loves him please help me what should I do?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      There’s no permanent solution. That’s the rules of a healthy relationship.. It’s work. For long lasting relationship, both parties need to grow constantly and keep their individual lives healthy so that both parties will find something interesting to explore with each other..
      To be honest, you and him are already in a pattern and doing nc repeatedly loses it’s effect.
      The only way to give you a higher chance with him is to break the pattern. And that means really changing yourself, do not participate in the pattern, and not rushing things. It’s easy to say but it’s hard to do, especially for you that you’re so hung up on him. You’re too emotionally invested.
      Be more emotionally independent from him first. It will be a long process but you can do it. I think it will be more obvious to you that you have been more emotionally independent when you can withhold from asking him to come back, when you can let him go, when you’re not chasing him and you’re the one making him chase.
      For me, the things you need to avoid to do is to ask or beg him to work things out, be angry with him, demand and accuse him, and expect him to be inlove with you again in a short span of time..
      Be the outsider’s perspective in all of this so, that you can help yourself be more rational

    • Ninna - 0

      Ninna

      Thanks it was a great help from you. You asked me to break the pattern of NC. That is something I didn’t understand how do I do that? Do I do NC for 90 days? And then get in contact with him again?
      And yes it’s going to be a long process and I will not give up and do anything and everything.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Sorry I wasn’t clear 🙂 It’s pretty long, we only recommend up to 45 days but, you’ve done it a lot of times so, I think this will be the last shot. And the more importantly, remember after that, take it slow. It’s not a continuation of your relationship. Think of him as somebody who doesn’t feelings for you and that you’re just starting out as friends and when he shows feelings for you, let him prove it first. Let him confirm it.

    • Ninna - 0

      Ninna

      Cool will do it for 45 days. Do you think I have a chance to win him back? And will he want to come back again after leaving me so many times?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      because of the pattern, he will probably come back but it’s a small chance that he will stay and not repeat the pattern.

    • Ninna - 0

      Ninna

      Thank you so much for the help. It feels good after sharing everything to you. Some ray of hope. You have been so sweet and helpful

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Thank you too Ninna! 🙂

  17. Sarah - 0

    Sarah

    My boyfriend of 6 months just ended our relationship. He recently divorced this year and we started dating during his divorce. He told me all these horror stories about his ex and how she cheated on him 3 times that he knew of and that his marriage had been over for a long time. Our relationship was great up until his divorce had become final and he became depressed over the set schedule to see his kids. He was always worried I’d leave him despite all the reassurance I would give him. Last week we got into an argument and he ended it over facebook. He told me that he wasn’t sure he loved me and didn’t see a future with me. I find out the same week that not only his school shut down but he was getting kicked out of the place he was living. Then he tells me hes going back to his ex wife because he “needs” his kids but it actually still in love with me. He moved back into his ex’s house this week but mentioned all his concerns about going back.

    What the hell do I do with all of this? I honestly think he needs a therapist. Not a toxic ex. But what do I do? I love him but do I just move on with the idea that he will never come back?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sarah,

      Try out doing the no contact rule first.. Let him figure out things on his own.. He has to get a job first and get his own place but for now, while he’s still living with his ex, give him space.

  18. Eden - 0

    Eden

    my ex of 3 months broke up with me after I said I wasn’t happy with the relationship since we were fighting a lot and he had no time for me. At first I begged him to make it work again but he said it would be better for both of us and less painful if we just ended it now. I went no contact for 30 days and saw him again after and we went for a walk and it was extremely emotional and he said he misses me and obviously still has feelings for me, but that he doesn’t want to get back together. I told him that maybe we should take it really really slow ? And he said you’re not going to like what I have to say but no I don’t think we should try at all because you may end up getting hurt again and I can’t hurt you again like before. I told him he was actually right I was thinking straight he is right we shouldn’t be in a relationship and we parted as “friends”. What should I do at this point ? Do you think we even have a chance ?

    Reply
  19. Nami - 0

    Nami

    My ex bf and me have been dating for 3 in a half year. I’m 19 and he’s 21. We meet in high school during my freshman year and his junior year. We’re long distance. He’s in the military while I’m at home faithful and loyal to him. We both love each other alot. This year 2016 January, we broken up. We both agree to break up. I agree because I thought he would chase me back if he really love me. But he never ask for me back. I also agree to the break up because I got so sad that he online cheat on me. He told me he give girls from OMEGO his phone number. I just know so much about him that make me sad. I feel like I forgive him too much. After a few weeks after the break up, he texted me how was my day. Then we start talking again. But then he stop, during April. I try to ignore him. We couldn’t cut the tie. Then on my birthday in June he called two days later ‘late’ and sang me the ‘1234’song (a love song) for my late birthday. He then tell me he’s having someone new. I was crying very bad. During July he come back from the military for 15 days visit. He messaged me if he could come get his stuff. I messaged him back no. I was heartbroken that I would cry so much if I see him in person because we haven’t see each other in a year. I kept changing my mind back in forth if I should see him. I also think if he really want to see me, he’ll come see me without asking. But he didn’t come at all. He ignored me the whole time he visited his family. It really break my heart because his actions tells me he doesn’t care anymore. Then at the end of July 25 I texted him if he got back to the military safe and he say yes. The reply to my text very fast too. He didn’t ignore my text for long. Then we text again. I thought I can make him come back, but I was wrong. I ask him if he was taken and he told me yes. I was really heart broken that I couldn’t eat for three days. I lost 6pounds. I didn’t text him for a months. During August 6, he send me a weird song through Facebook. It’s ‘My kind of heart break’ by Connor. It was a rebound song. I didn’t reply back till August 24. I told him I send his stuff to him. Then I ignore him again. He called me later that night but I keep the conversation short. The next day he call. I didn’t answer and later that night I call back. He was super excited and want to know everything about me. He told me he was sad that he make me cried. He wanted to talk to me long. We FaceTime. After two days of talking nonstop, I told him I can’t continue doing what we’re doing and it hurt. He told me that he to see that girl during the summer visit for 4 days. I asked him why didn’t he come visit me and he would do that to me. But he’ll book a ticket $800 for me to see him at the Hawaii military. So we can go hike and eat foods. I don’t know if I should go. Then he told me he want to be friend with me. He want friend with benefits too but I told him straight no. No to both of those. He doesn’t want me to get away from him. He want me to be in his circle. But he is taken. He told me he is in a open relationship with that girl. I didn’t even know who she is. I told him why is he doing this. I cannot continue talking to him Then I hanged up. He called me like 30 missed call. I answered and told him, I don’t want to be in his mom shoe where I have to watch the man I love liking someone else, online cheating. He is doing exactly like his dad did to his mom to me. I told him that and I cried. He tried to convince me to stay. He say sorry he take advantage of me. Because that girl couldn’t do like what I did to him and he miss me but still love that girl too. Then I keep changing my mind because it’s not right. But we continue talking. He get really mad when I talk to other guys. I didn’t feel the same way towards them as towards him. September, suddenly he stop and told me he’ll call later. He went to talk to her. I got so mad at myself because I fall into his game. I tried to call him alot to see if he answer like I did for him. He answer and told me he is talking to his girlfriend. I got heart broken again. He told me “we’re never getting back together.” I told him how did he move on so fast. He say he doesn’t want to hurt me anymore and just want to help me move on. He hanged up and went to talk to that girl. I text him and ask if he still want me to visit him. He say ‘at this rate: no, becuase you are going crazy’
    I was left crying to myself again, didn’t cried as much as I use to becuase I just don’t really cried hard anymore.
    I tried so hard and it’s just not working.
    I am doing the two months no contact rule this time. I won’t be using social media too. till November the day I suppose to visit him. I don’t even if I should see him because he is in a new relationship. I might as well give up.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Nami,

      Don’t visit him.. what for? don’t lower your value.. It would be more awkward to visit him after doing nc. That would be weird. For me you have to remind yourself of what’s obvious. He has a girlfriend, he doesn’t plan on breaking up with her for you and he’s using you. He misses some things about you, and he’s talking to you to experience some of that, but doesn’t mean he loves you and wants to commit to you.

      Do no contact to heal and improve. If you’re going to talk again, remind yourself that you should let him prove to you first that he really loves. Start over being friendly to him, and then see if you can build up rapport and attraction but make him work. Don’t go there when you know he still has a girlfriend.

  20. Olivia - 0

    Olivia

    Hi,
    So my boyfriend of 9 months broke up with me out of nowhere saying that we were too different and that I deserved to be happier, I have a feeling it happened because we were fighting a lot and it was me picking fights since he was being really distant and I was being extra jealous. A few days later he says that he just needs time to think, he stars texting me once he sees there’s a guy going after me however after like a week he deletes all of our pictures and says we need to move on, by then I was already over it and I just accepted it. A week later he starts texting me again because of my birthday since then we were talking for a while he was being a little flirting too. Eventually he freaked out on me bc I had made a tinder profile and he starts saying I moved on, I said no that he’s the one I want to be with. He told me he couldn’t be there at the moment because he had personal things to figure out, I said okay when we’re ready we will be together again. From then we were talking for weeks, eventually I started freaking out on him when he wouldn’t respond etc,two days ago he said that no matter how much he loves me and how much he wants this, we will never work. I don’t know what to think about it, he says we need to let go and that I deserve to be happy with someone who makes sense. He says I’m still his best friend but that we can’t be talking while we’re at the point where whenever we talk it leads to discussion, i let on telling him that if his live was strong enough he would try but I honestly think I just never gave myself the opportunity to become a better me and am still stuck in the last month of our relationship. I think we can work once we both have ourselves figured out but I dont know how to get that through his head.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Olivia,

      you had a good start and then you started fighting again. Try to do the no contact period for 30 days so that both of you can have a restart

    • Olivia - 0

      Olivia

      Honestly I’m just scared that no contact is gonna push him further away since he says we need to let go, I know it’s because we just never gave each other the chance to heal and we were trying to focus on fixing the relationship and ourselves at the same time, which isn’t okay. I just don’t know how to make him see that

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      I understand.. I cant assure that nc is the answer. So, try to weigh your options.. The only questions I can see that would help seeing the benefits of nc is that if he already made a decision and you kept pushing for what you want, will it make him listen or annoyed with you?
      If he does want to let go, will nc push him away or let him think you understood his decsion and would be open to start as friends again?

  21. Grace - 0

    Grace

    My ex and I were only dating for 3 month and then all of a sudden he texted me saying that he loves me so much to death but that he is not ready for a relationship! Then I told him if that’s how you feel then its fine! And I also told him once he is ready I will wait and be there for him! But then a few days ago my friend asked him if he would still want to be with me once he is ready! My friend told me that he said he loves me but thinks we are not going to get back together! So I don’t know what he means by that if he says he loves me?Should I talk to him in person see what we can figure out what’s going on? Because I don’t know whether to let him go or be patient and just wait?!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Grace,

      nope that’s chasing. Maybe he doesn’t want you to expect because he’s not really sure on when he would be ready.
      How old are you both? And maybe the relationship went too fast for him.. Do you want to try the no contact rule?

  22. Grace - 0

    Grace

    My ex and I were only dating for 3 month and then all of a sudden he texted me saying that he loves me so much to death but that he is not ready for a relationship! Then I told him if that’s how you feel then its fine! And I also told him once he is ready I will wait and be there for him! But then a few days ago my friend asked him if he would still want to be with me once he is ready! My friend told me that he said he loves me but thinks we are not going to get back together! So I don’t know whether to let him go or just be patient! I love him dearly, but his emotions are just confusing for me!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Grace,

      nope that’s chasing. Maybe he doesn’t want you to expect because he’s not really sure on when he would be ready.
      How old are you both? And maybe the relationship went too fast for him.. Do you want to try the no contact rule?

  23. Brooke - 0

    Brooke

    Hi,

    My boyfriend and I had been dating for over a year and then a week ago he broke up with me out of no where, he gave me all the excuses saying the pressure was to much and he just wanted to be single. But he asked me to still be best friends with. I begged for him to not do it and give me a chance but he said he didn’t want to be together or get back together. I stopped contacting him for almost a week but then caved again and begged for him back trying to talk to him about everything and to give me another chance he said the same thing and said he wasn’t changing his decision and the love he had for the relationship wasn’t there but then in some text messages said he loved me.

    I’m so confused is it really over? I’ve started no contact again and he was the last one to text. Will he reach out to me or change his decision eventually? What do I need to do other than no contact?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Brooke,

      we canr guarantee that the no contact rule will work..but if he’s annoyed of you trying to talk to him, that means if you keep trying it wont help right? And if you keep being present, you’ll be friendzoned..

      do you want to try what Chris advised in the latest post you commented?

  24. C1990 - 0

    C1990

    Hi,

    My boyfriend, A, of 1.5 years broke up with me about three weeks ago. He broke up with me because I lied to him multiple times about keeping in touch with my ex-boyfriend S over the last 6-8 months. S and I didn’t do anything but text and occasionally catch up over coffee and meals. However, I kept quiet about these events because 1) they didn’t mean anything, and 2) I didn’t want A to get upset or feel insecure. It turns out that A was checking my phone and messages this whole time and knew about everything, but chose to stay quiet so as not to lose our relationship. However, things developed to a point where he just couldn’t take it anymore and decided to end it with me 3 weeks ago.
    At the start of the breakup, he repeatedly said that he was too angry and that he was not ready to interact “right now”, but will re-consider us once his anger dissipates. He said he has trouble trusting me again and is afraid I would one day cheat on him, and this fear is preventing him from wanting to work things out.
    During this period, I tried to do NC twice, but failed after 4-5 days of silence. I kept messaging him (we’d have hours of back-and-forth) and also went to the city where he’s currently for the summer to have an in-person meeting. Clearly, my actions were ineffective because they just kept pushing him away to the point where he even said he “never” sees us getting back together “for good” a few times. Before we closed our conversation, he said that he would only reconsider us once he’s 1) less angry, 2) can feel like he can trust me again, and 3) have a desire to get back together, but caveated that it’s “extremely unlikely”.
    Beginning yesterday, I promised I’d start and follow through with strict NC all the way for at least 30 days. Can you please advise what my odds look like? I don’t know if he said he “never” wants to get back together at the heat of the moment/from me pushing him, or if he truly meant it.

    Thank you.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi C1990,

      he’s probably just angry.. but from now on, you have to be honest with him even if you think he will get angry.. because if you’re not doing anything wrong, he will realize that coz you keep being honest..

      but with what happened with you, eben if you’re not doing anything wrong,.it seems wrong..

      so, don’t meet up with your ex in the mean time.. when you and A are all good, explain the situation and include him… if you really are just friends with S, introduce him to A.. coz no matter how you put it, if you’re keeping it secret and you keep having along time with S, it will appear wrong

  25. Kat - 0

    Kat

    Hi,

    My ex broke up with me because my family got involved in a negative way and he didn’t want to secretly date (I live at home). He immediately suggested being friends which I was ok with as it helped me get through the breakup a bit. During that month, we fought but we also had great conversations. He would still compliment me and used my pet name a couple times. He also said, he is open to trying dating me again. When we met up in person 1.5 weeks ago, he asked if we should get back together and even talked about moving in with me. Flash forward to yesterday…he told me he doesn’t think he is ever going to get me back be cause he’s convinced that I hate him (I resent him, not hate) and he just has this “feeling” that it will never happen. He also thinks that he will find someone better. Well, maybe now he can after I spent two years fixing him and getting his life on track. I keep trying to do no contact and it’s almost impossible. And when I text him a question or a fact about something, he takes a long while to respond and all he says is “I understand” What on earth am I supposed to do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Kat

      why is it impossible to do no contact?

  26. Amanda Kelly - 0

    Amanda Kelly

    Having read all the comments and inwardly digested this website I am asking for myself, my husband left at easter after a 37 year marriage because he found “ladies” on internet games that were willing to talk to him, he has got into one person and they became friends on facebook, I asked him and messaged the women to stop talking to him as I was not happy that he and they were doing so, most of them stopped but some didn’t. It now appears that one of the ones who didn’t was more than friendly to my husband and he and she started an online relationship, it blew up when he would not leave his phone alone and it went everywhere with him, I asked him again to stop talking and delete himself from these games, he refused saying that as I would not talk to him (not true) he only had these women to talk to! He left at 2am at easter taking all his clothes, his car and his truck. It now transpires that he has been to the US to visit this lady and she apparently is the “one”. He has made comments about his sexual prowess and how sore she was admitting to being after one of their sessions. (He always made me sore too!) Which is extremely tacky to read online. She is coming over to visit him in his grotty little flat at the end of June 2016 for ten days and I am really having trouble with this, I know he has moved on and I am trying to as well, however, I have limited mobility and he was my carer, I am stuck at home while he gallivants around with his totty for all to see (he is 60 and she is much younger!) I am trying to deal with life as best as possible and have very few friends who can listen. I am very jealous to the fact that he took her to the places that we had booked to go to later this year as our big holiday. He has cleared our joint account and has generously agreed to give me some funds to keep things going short term, however I will have to sell my house to allow me to move somewhere cheaper and possibly abroad as I cannot work and possibly never will, so the funds left after purchase will allow me to live whilst I sort out my options. I have to have an income from the property I buy which makes moving a little harder. He has said he won’t take anything out of the house as he knows its in my name, we split many years ago as he went after a sandwich delivery person! However, I am worried that he will wait till I sign contracts and then demand funds which will mean I cannot afford to buy or move (I have gruesome neighbours) which to me is the worst thing out of all of this. I am trying to better myself by losing weight etc., but am worried about everything and trying to be so positive when my heart is breaking is very challenging. Advice please x

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Amanda,

      It looks like this is not just about you changing appearance. I think it has to be overall. It means you have to be more patient, more calm and really work out a life that he is not included. Basically if you want to get at least a workable relationship with him, he has to see you’re moving on without him in life.. Do you have kids? If not any friends that can help you move?

  27. Italy - 0

    Italy

    Hi,
    My bf broke up with me after 5 years because he says he wants to have fun and be free. I’ve always been very supportive and I’ve never cheated on him. For the first months after the breakup he kept telling me that he loved me and that he could see a future with me, but he still refused to get back togheter. Three weeks ago I started no contact on him. He hasn’t contacted me since and whenever I see him (we share the same group of friends) he avoids and ignores me. I want to get him back but I really don’t understand why he’s doing like this. He also said to a friend of mine that he really wants to move on and forget about me.

    Reply
  28. Emma - 0

    Emma

    Hey Chris. I need some advice. What does it mean when an ex boyfriend says he is enjoying being single and doesn’t want to ever get back together? We are teenagers and were together for a year and 4 months. He broke up with me because he was too stressed out. He has a stressful home life because of his mom, school, and sports. He was very committed during the relationship. There was no cheating. I did beg a lot during the first couple of weeks after the break up and I begged yesterday due to emotions. He gives me mixed signals. He will reply very quickly to my texts, but then he acts like he doesn’t want to talk to me. He stands very close to me and smiles when he is with me, but he doesn’t want to hangout. What do you think is going through his mind? What should I do? We have been broken up for about a week.

    Reply
  29. Emma - 0

    Emma

    Hey Chris. I need some advice. What does it mean when an ex boyfriend says he is enjoying being single and doesn’t want to ever get back together? We are teenagers and were together for a year and 4 months. He broke up with me because he was too stressed out. He has a stressful home life because of his mom, school, and sports. He was very committed during the relationship. There was no cheating. I did beg a lot during the first couple of weeks after the break up and I begged yesterday due to emotions. He gives me mixed signals. He will reply very quickly to my texts, but then he acts like he doesn’t want to talk to me. He stands very close to me and smiles when he is with me, but he doesn’t want to hangout. What do you think is going through his mind? What should I do?

    Reply
  30. YNA - 0

    YNA

    Hi Amor, I’m getting all hopeless.

    I’m almost done with my NC period and I know I’m doing great. Seeing my improvements, I thought everything’s falling into place. My trusted friends are so proud of how I improved physically, mentally and emotionally. Unfortunately a few days ago, I just found out through a friend that my ex is still being all bitter about me. He doesn’t like the idea of getting back together and he’s being all negative about love. Also an added complication is that there’s this girl who’s trying to bring me down. She made a fake account of me mocking my “change”. She also posted on a site bashing my changes. She’s just so pathetic. Good thing I handle her actions gracefully. My ex is very close to him and I feel like I’m losing chances knowing that my ex always talks to my hater. I feel like she’s the reason why my ex boyfriend doesn’t want me back.

    What should I do. 🙁

    Reply
  31. Ryan - 0

    Ryan

    I started dating my high school sweetheart when we turned 16. She moved away for college and i visited her very frequently. I broke up with her when she returned to our hometown that spring. I moved to a new college for sophmore year. We stayed in contact all the time. She was very upset, she always contacted me and always helped me when I needed help with chemistry or writing papers. I broke her hear so many times with from tagged pictures on facebook with other girls. Some friends of ours went to the same college as I did and she’d always visit them and end up at my house parties. At the beginning of junior year I was really sick of the girls I had been chasing and finally invited her to stay with me and go to our footballs teams big home football game. Things went beyond great! We started dating again over winter break. She graduated from her school at the end of our senior year. She was accepted into dental school in another state. I had transferred schools because I couldn’t get into the program I wanted from all the partying. Fast forward to her sophmore year of dental school she calls me January 4, 2016 – the first day of spring semester after a long winter break; and says “Ryan, I don’t know if I love you anymore” My world shatters completely. She wanted a break. I didn’t eat or sleep for what seemed like the whole month of January. I tried so hard to win her back. In February, my phone broke and I was without a phone for two weeks. I got a new one on a friday and at 230am she texted me “this isn’t fair, but I really miss you Ry.” – a drunk message. I play it off and try to act cool, I only send a smiley face emoji. A week goes by and the following sunday I use it against her as to why we can’t get back together. She says she’s just lost and can’t figure herself out. For background, Dental school is extremely hard and a semester is from january 4 to june 17 taking 41 credit hours. I finish masters of engineering this fall, 3 hours away from her. So in late February we talk over the phone and agree that it’s dumb to be dating right now since we’re both so busy. I thereafter still text her occasionally on sunday to catch up with her and try to pry some information out of her and exclaim about how much I’ve improved about myself. I tried to limit how much I talked to her because I was afraid that the same wouldn’t work what she did to me- always contacting me and texting daily during the first breakup. Fast forward to now, after a drunk text messaging spree by my three weeks ago about why she doesn’t care about me or what I’d do wrong, I point out to her this past sunday that I’m acting JUST like she did when I broke up with her, and she’s acting like me, except that she’s not chasing guys. She’s just loving life and loving being single. I understand this but I received that dreadful “I love you and think that our friendship is invaluable, but I don’t see us getting back together, Ry” message after I pointed out to her that the roles are flipped this time. JUST last summer we spent every minute possible together and often would look at each other and say sappy stuff like, “I’m happy that I get to experience what true love is like.” She fought like hell to win me back and damn, did I fall for her, hard. Soooo it’s been six months, we were broken up for eighteen the first time. What do I do? I love her to absolute death, her family was calling me an ‘in-law’ just during christmas. I think she’s lost and upset about school. I can’t imagine myself with anyone else, I drove three hours on 9 separate weekends this past fall to be with her because i needed to study but she needed to do lab work, so it made sense for me to go there. I’ve lost 37 pounds since this began and I now have a 4.0 gpa and I’m much closer with my family and friends but that’s not impressing her much. I don’t have any friends at her school like she did at mine that I could visit. Any and all help is much appreciated. Sorry for the bad grammar.

    Reply
  32. Numb - 0

    Numb

    Hi, My husband and I just recently separated 3 days ago. We have been married for 9 yrs and have a daughter together. My husband was the one that left and wanted the separation becaus he felt unhappy and said that he no longer saw a future with me. I also found out that he has been talking to his co-worker and when I confronted him about he admitted to me that he “liked” her but that she didn’t know, which I know is a lie because no woman who is also married with two children will engage in daily texting and being in the phone with her boss talking for lengthy period of times especially when she knows me as well. We have had a very hard marriage. He blames me because he says that I was always controlling and dry and always argued with him over everything. I admit that I did push him away a lot and that I was a bit controlling especially after we got back together after the first separation which was also initiated by him and I found out that he had been talking to two girls at the time as well. So after he wanted to seperate the first time 5 yrs ago we got back together and I just build a wall and just felt insecure and basically lost affection for him which I showed a lot a times. Still I loved him and I wanted to work things out. Now he has left, he says he’s unhappy and that a future with me would be horrific. On top of that he admitted to liking, and has been talking to his co worker who is also married with children as I mentioned before. He feels our marriage has been horrible for the past 9 yrs because he says I have suffocated him. I know that a lot of our problems is my fault but also he has done a lot to make me feel I can’t trust him especially after the first seperation. I still love him dearly though even though I wish I didn’t but, I really don’t want our marriage to be over but I fear that maybe he is just tired and that he doesn’t love me the same anymore. But the truth of the matter is that he betrayed me and has hurt me to the core and I would like to work things out but for right now what I really want is for him to regret and beg that I take him back, because despite our problems I was never unfaithful to him. Im honestly a bit terrified that he really is done with this marriage and that he will never feel that remorse n want to come back,but I want to try my best to make him regret leaving and betraying me the way he did and maybe possibly fixing our marriage along the way. Please help I would appreciate any advice that will help me get him back and regret what he has done, but also come crawling back to me. Thank you in advance

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Numb,

      do limited no contact.. try to get rid of the anger first and focus on yourself.. you know, he will mostly likely you building up a wall again if you’re just silent.. don’t initiate a talk, but don’t be engaging when he initiates it..reply politely direct and if you can excuse yourself, excuse yourself.. start to focus more on yourself by spending more time improve yourself.. only talk about your child and nothing else. don’t talk about feelings or the relationship..

  33. CANDICE - 0

    CANDICE

    My ex boyfriend/co-worker and I dated for 7 months. We had the biggest argument ever. Two days later I texted him to apologize. He said he accepted my apology but he never apologized in return. I just wanted to mend things so I didn’t push the issue. The next day I called him, he picked up and hung up. I tried calling him back but he didn’t answer. I gave it some time to see if he’ll call back but he never did. Obviously he was still upset about the argument. Unfortunately I made the biggest mistake by calling him and texting him repeatedly. I even left voicemails while I was very emotional. Needless to say he ignored my every attempt to talk to him. I tried two weeks later and still no response. I felt extremely hurt. I also felt it was something more than just the argument that he wasn’t telling me because he was becoming distant with me prior to the argument. I made one last attempt to reach out to him and again no response. So I sent him a final text then went NC. I deleted his number, got rid of everything he gave me, and made sure not to run into him at work. (Sidenote: We work in two seperate buildings) Last week we had to do a training together. That was going to be our first time seeing each other after three months. I did not want to see him because I was embarrassed about how I acted after the breakup and I’m still hurt on how he handled the situation. So I sat at a table in the back of the class. He walked up to me with the biggest smile on his face and said you know I’m dealing with you right in a joking manner. I gave him nonchalant look and said OK. He then walked over to another table grab a chair and placed right next to me and sat down. While the sign in sheet was going around he asked me to borrow my pen. So I handed him the pen never making any eye contact. The instructor gave us another paper to sign and again he ask to borrow my pen same thing I handed it to him and just looked away. I never spoke to him or made eye contact throughout the whole training I just ignored him, texted and from time to time spoke to two people that were sitting on the opposite side of me. Later that evening I received an anonymous call which I didn’t answer but it seemed very suspicious to me because I don’t get anonymous calls. Basically I don’t understand his reason for sitting next to me when there were available desk in the classroom. I don’t know why he felt the need to tell me that he was not dealing with me when his actions clearly stated that three months ago. A part me still misses him but I’m still hurt how he could just cut me off like that. I don’t understand what’s going on. Please help!!!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Candice,

      yeah, he didn’t even apologize for leaving like that.. he didn’t even had the guts to break up with you face to face.. honestly he’s actions are actions of a player.

  34. env - 0

    env

    So my ex and I broke up about a month ago. He had said that we needed some time apart and there was a chance that we would get back together. We havent done nc yet. This last weekend his ex girlfriend and i met up because she said that she needed to talk to me. we talked about a bunch of stuff and now my ex is saying that we will never get back together ever. He says that it is weird that we are friends and we will just never get back together. I said that he needs time to not be so emotional and he says that he is completely level headed. He says that he still cares about me and still wants me in his life, but that he will never get back together. He is so mad about me being with his ex and now wont even give us a chance. I am not sure what I should do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Env,

      I think now is the time to start nc.. Let things cool off. He probably said those out of anger.

  35. Sauan - 0

    Sauan

    hi,

    i have been with my ex for 5 years i have committed all the 7 deadly sins

    has been giving me mixed signals and message me a lot saying he miss me even plays or song down the phone ..

    i felt i was in the wrong that why i begged ,, i have done this for 3month he will not see me or speak to me on teh phone will only message by texted – control

    will no contact work or is it to late ?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sauan,

      it’s not guaranteed 100% that it will but give it a try.. since thigs are not getting better.. be active in improving yourself physically and emotionally during nc

  36. Ingie - 0

    Ingie

    Hi! It´s me again, on a different page now. My ex has told me that” he is not ready/willing to be in a relationship for he has had enough with his problems to be in a relationship and he does not know where he will go (to live, workwise)”. How should I interpret this? As I want to have some space away from him, I suggested him we should better exchange the stuff we have at home of one another.
    But tonight I have seen pictures of him on facebook hanging out with a friend we have in common and his wife and another girl. These pictures were taken at Carnival, and the friend we have in common posted them on his page. I don´t know is she is a rebound/his carnival date, or a friend of my friend´s wife (don´t think so, for I did not see her being tagged in), but I felt very jealous when I saw them.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Ingie,

      you have to take it as he say it.. either he’s not ready for a relationship at all or relationship with you.. I know it hurts.. I hate to say it..but it’s better to take it as it is than have false hopes

    • Ingie - 0

      Ingie

      Thanks for your sincereness, Amor. I called the friend and indeed he is in a relationship with her. Possibly they even became friends when we were still dating. It hurts, especially as he never told the friend about me, and he introduces him to the very first girl he meets after we finish … (well, the friend is an ex of mine too). The friend suggested me nevertheless to have a talk with him, for if there had been real love we might me able to get back again. And that it did not matter if he had known this girl before or after my break-up. But I was too hurt. And sitting this guy on a chair to have a talk is mission impossible. So, I shut him off from my facebook. I am insisting now that we should exchange our stuff, but also for this he is taking his time and not undertaking any action. Three days now since he last wrote to me “yes, I will bring them back asap”. I am contacting his mum now (he lives in his mother´s house) to arrange for that…
      I am very hurt, and have started to wonder if he is any good assett at all. For, he is 38 years old, without job/income, living at his mum´s, he has lost the right to visit his daughter and he has issues with his green card…..So, instead of fooling around I think he should take care of his stuff and grow up!!
      I am working very hard right now on getting my self esteem back and hope I will meet a different type of man in the near future.
      Thanks for you guys support during these weeks. Love you.

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      You will find the right Ingie! It’s his loss! We hope the best for you!

  37. Alexa - 0

    Alexa

    I am helpless
    My ex boyfriend and I met a year ago,we talked for 2 months and started dating.Him and I never had downs except one or two but we would always talk everything out the next day.He was always caring and he never hurt me.I was a bit too controlling,I didn’t want him to have too much fun (parties and smoking).It was hard for me to stop him from doing these things because he is a teenager who wants to enjoy his senior year in High School. Everything was normal and perfectly fine until we had this argument about him going out late at night with his friends and getting drunk.Excuse my language but I for the first time told him “fuck you”. He got mad said goodnight and never texted me until I texted him the next day.I went to his house and he broke up with me out of the blue.I cried I begged but nothing changed his decision.I only texted him once after the breakup then started the no contact rule.Yesterday was my 25th day and I broke the no contact rule by texting him.I saw his picture on my instagram newsfeed and noticed how sick his grandma was.I could not stop myself and texted him saying that I will always be there for him if he ever needs anyone to talk to because I know how much his nana means to him.He answered me right away and said ” thanks for the gesture but my family is taking care of it”. I all of a sudden started feeling like crap again and I regret texting him.I see him in the hallways every day and he seems so happy without me.He is never upset and it shocks me because he used to be so emotional and sensitive when he was with me. There is 60 more days until graduation and I dont want to leave for college without talking to him once.What do I do…? Please help me:(

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Alexa,
      have you been active in during no contact? If not you should restart count and be active with improving yourself.. that’s the more important aspect during no contact.. Improve yourself, build a new life and meet new people and heal before trying to talk to him again.

  38. karen - 0

    karen

    I just read this page. After my ex boyfriend broke up with me few months ago, I did beg him several times to get back together in the first month and of course he was insisting so many times that we won’t get back together. But now I’ve been trying to be a very positive person and never tried to bring out my feeling, when we were talking. But does it really mean the chance of me and my ex getting back together is imposibble because he was insisting so many times?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Karen,

      Hmm..it can be like that.. it can mean that he’s just friendly now.. have you done nc?

    • karen - 0

      karen

      So there is no chance at all? 🙁
      I was trying nc but I broke it because I was trying to always be there for him, everytime he neeeded me. We broke up after 6 years together and he told me that he was tired because we were fighting a lot and he didn’t have the strength anymore for saving this relationship. Last time we were fighting before brokeup, we solved the problem and since then I was trying to be a better person. He realized that I’ve changed but at the same time he also realized that he felt nothing for me. And we broke up. But sometimes he was also checking on me and told me that he still cares. But now it has been almost a week we haven’t spoken. It’s been almost 4 months that we broke up. I’m starting to miss him again and it’s freeking me out. Please help me..

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Okay, let’s say you didn’t fully utlized nc.. Although it has less effect if you repeat it.. But you haven’t done it the right way. This time don’t baby him… He can handle himself… He’s been far from you, if he really is depressed, he would hold onto you for him to feel less lonely.. So, now for just one last option.. Do nc, focus on yourself, improve and try to build a new life. Be more independent and meet new people.. Go on date. Maybe it could spark jealousy in him.. and then after 30 days, try to slowly rebuild rapport and attraction through texts, and then calls and then dates but continue what you were doing during nc.. If it still doesn’t work out after that, at least you know you tried.

  39. Vanessa - 0

    Vanessa

    Hello,

    My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years going on 5. However about 7mo ago he broke my trust completely we fought about it and then broke up then recently we got back together but have been fighting so much. Finally he said he was finally over it and just doesn’t see us getting back together because I’m never gonna change. He also said that he still loves me, cares about me, and want to be with me but doesn’t see how it’s possible because I can’t let things go. Then he said to leave him alone. He doesn’t want me to try to change his mind because it’s over for good! Then he did a full out block so I can’t contact him ever.
    Should I take this as a “he doesn’t want to be with me… Right now” or a ” he doesn’t want to be with me”? of course I made the mistake of being a call/text gnat and I also know I have a lot to work on when it comes to me but should I rule him and Me out completely?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Vanessa,

      looks like he got annoyed and it’s because if your insecurity… put him aside and rebuild yiur self esteem first before entering again in a relationship whether with him or with another

    • Vanessa - 0

      Vanessa

      Hello Amor,

      Thank you, I do think I will take some time to focus on me. One thing that has confused me is today my ex sent me a long message apologizing and telling me he loves me and misses me and will be there is I ever need anything. This is after 5days of NC. In his message he also says that he wants me to get better and forget about him. What is the point of contacting me if he just wants me to forget him?

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Well at least it would be easier to do nc and contact him after

  40. Louise - 0

    Louise

    Hi my name is Louise I was with my boyfriend for 9 years we lived together for 5years we been split for just over 2months am confused because my stuff is still there I went there because I still have his key now I went back to the house an my stuff is not packed everything is in the same place as I left it the only thing he threw out was my toothbrush we have a dog an I was talking to his mate an he said he noticed I’ve been going the house to take the dog out am confused why hasn’t he once said come get your stuff an give my key back not once he told his mate am his best mate an always will be

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Louise,

      well that’s a good sign..that means he’s not that angry

  41. Candice - 0

    Candice

    UPDATE: I also forgot to mention one more important mixed signal that my friend just texted me about. I saw him at a bar last night and when we first made eye contact he waved and I smiled back and then turned away. My friend and I were asked up on stage to dance which we did. I first noticed him leaning against the stage looking bored and not talking to anyone. Then he saw me up on stage and started dancing with his friends and then it looked like he was having a good time. There were some guys that I talked to up on stage but I don’t know if he saw that part. My friend told me though that while I was dancing he kept looking my direction. Sorry to just now add this but it’s so hard figuring out what’s going on in his head with all these mixed signals and I just need to know. Thank you so much for the help!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Candice,

      it looks he did get jealous, just continue on with no contact and being in the look out from your friends

  42. Candice - 0

    Candice

    My ex and I have been broken up for two weeks now. We were together for a year and 2 months. We had plenty of fights towards the end but throughout our whole relationship we were normal as in we would have fights here and there but get through most of them. The funny thing about all of this was that I decided to break up with him because I felt he didn’t appreciate me enough but after two days regretted it and asked for him back which he refused because he said he didn’t feel the same way about me anymore. Something tells me that’s not true because he told me throughout our relationship that he never had any exs ever do any of the things that I did for him do for him. I encouraged him to drop his major and pursue his real passion even if it was competitive which he did and is loving it. I got him into the internship that I work at and he loves it there. I would bend over backwards for him and I know that I was the best girlfriend that he’s had. I’ve been thinking about it and maybe I pushed him away by being so available and willing to do anything for him. Maybe I am feeling so torn up about this because he was my first boyfriend. All I know now is that I am still in love with him and I want him back. I am a 8 days into no contact and he hasn’t contacted me. His friend told me that he told him that he does miss me and the dog we had together and that he would get jealous if he saw me with another guy. Another friend also told me that he told him that we weren’t getting back together. There’s so many mixed signals that I’m so lost and don’t know what to do or say. The hardest part about this is he lives on the other side of the country and is just here for school with me and we get done with school in a month and I really want to know if we can fix this before he leaves. I just want to know with all these mixed signals, does he want to get back together with me too?

    Reply
  43. Katie - 0

    Katie

    I was in no contact and he saw a quote on my Facebook that made him really upset. He messaged me saying to never talk to him again and then he blocked me. I think he’s really done and I don’t know what else I can really do at this point.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      finish no contact first, then if you’re still blocked after it, that means you have to wait it out

  44. Alexa - 0

    Alexa

    My ex boyfriend and I have been broken up for six months now. I messed up a lot in the beginning and eventually did no contact, which was successful. He began to contact me and we are now in contact with one another. We hung out three times this week, which led to us having sex the second time. He keeps telling me that we will never get back together because he can never get over what I did to him (I made the mistake of hooking up with his best friend one night and during this time, he has got with multiple girls which he denied to me at first and just admitted to). He keeps telling me that he is different now and I don’t understand. He keeps calling himself a “bad” person. One day he is hot with me, and the next day cold. We will be talking fine one minute and the next, he is throwing in my face what I have done to him and tells me we can’t talk anymore. One day we fought and the next, I just ended the convo and he ended up texting me later. He also keeps asking me “what do you want out of this?” I tell him just to be friends, and one second he goes “okay good because we will never be together” and the next, he is telling me he doesn’t want anything to do with me. He said to me yesterday “so you don’t care if I hangout with you one night and ______ (girls name) the next?? I know you will.” As of right now, I am acting as if I am okay with everything, but he knows I am bluffing. What approach should I take now?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Alexa,

      if that’s what he says, then move on.. he’s just using you either for sex or to get revenge

  45. Katie - 0

    Katie

    I sent my first contact text message after 33 days of no contact. He wrote back pretty quickly and I waited an hour to even look at the message and took another 20 mins to respond after that. Interesting enough he didn’t even acknowledge what I had said to him in my text… He just stated that he was so sorry for breaking my heart and that his heart is broken too. He said breaking up with me was one of the hardest things he has ever had to do but he knew it wasn’t right anymore and that we will be better off in the long run. I wasn’t really sure how to respond because I didn’t want to talk about the relationship at all. But I told him that I forgive him, that I understand and that I don’t hold any hard feelings. He then went on to say that again this is so hard for him even after a month and that he wishes he could talk to me without feeling hurt or emotional and that he would let me know when that is. I haven’t texted him since he wrote that cause I don’t know what to say. I feel like he is forcing this break up when it’s not what he really feels in his heart because of stating how hard this is for him multiple times. I want to talk to him about it but I don’t think now is a good time. Should I do another no contact and wait for him to contact me or give it a week and try reaching out again?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Katie,

      have you reached out or are you in no contact now?

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