"I Don’t See Us Getting Back Together…" What Does It Mean?

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

I like writing articles that challenge me intellectually.

This is one of those types of articles.

Most of you are here for a reason.

You want your ex boyfriend back.

Thus, it makes perfect sense that your greatest fear is your ex boyfriend killing any chance you have of a happy reunion.

How can he go about doing this?

Easy, with one simple phrase,

“I don’t see us getting back together”

Hmm… perhaps I wasn’t specific enough for you.

Ok, here is a quick role play in which I am going to act out your greatest fear about your ex boyfriend.

For the purposes of this role play we are going to pretend that I am your ex boyfriend (YAY ME!)

The two of us have been dating for three years and then one day you come home and notice me on the couch with a very depressed look on my face.

What’s wrong?” you ask me.

Sit down… we need to talk” I say to you with the same depressed look on my face.

Over the next hour I tell you that my feelings aren’t what they once were.

Things have gotten stale…

I just need a break from “us…”

In other words, I break up with you on the spot.

Over the next few weeks you slowly but surely work your way back into my life and try to convince me that us getting back together is a good idea.

You are relentless about this. In fact, so relentless that you start to get on my nerves.

Every single day it’s the same old story…

You try to convince me that our relationship is important and that we should get back together.

Unfortunately, after about the tenth day in a row I start to get annoyed with you and that’s when I blurt out,

“Look, I don’t see us getting back together so stop trying to convince me.”

….

….

….

OUCH!

Well, today we are going to explore what an ex boyfriend means when he says that phrase to you.

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The Way This Page Is Going To Work

it works

I’m going to be honest with you.

I don’t do this very often.

Usually when I write one of these mammoth guides I like to focus on big picture ideas.

For example, I am sure you are familiar with my guide on how to get your ex boyfriend back or how to ask him to be in a relationship with you. Those are very popular situations and each of those guides cover a wide variety of topics within them.

It’s not often that I write a guide around one specific phrase. However, that is the case with this guide as I am going to be dissecting what a man means when he tells you,

“I don’t see us getting back together…”

So, since this guide is deviating from the normal way I write it should be common sense to assume that the way this is going to work is going to be a bit different than normal.

In other words, I have decided to divide this page up into two sections… or parts… or.. whatever you prefer.

Actually, now that I think about it I think I am going to go with “parts.”

So, there is going to be a part one and a part two.

Now, I know what you are wondering.

“What the heck are these parts?”

Good question, in order for me to explain that I must first explain the two commonly held beliefs that women have when they hear,

“I don’t see us getting back together”

Two Beliefs About “I Don’t See Us Getting Back Together”

believe it buddy

How can I put this…

There are two train of thoughts when it comes to the phrase we are dissecting today.

Thought One- My Ex Doesn’t Want To Be With Me… Right Now

Thought Two- My Ex Doesn’t Want To Be With Me

Now, I am tempted to explain what each of these train of thoughts mean but that’s kind of the point of the whole article here so I am going to hold off on that.

Above I mentioned that I have decided to format this page so that there are two parts to it.

Do you see where these is going?

Part One = My Ex Doesn’t Want To Be With Me… Right Now

Part Two = My Ex Doesn’t Want To Be With Me

Now, since the goal of this guide is to teach you about the mind of a man who says, “I don’t want to be with you right now” I am going to give you my thoughts on what is going on in the mind of a man who says this phrase in each of the parts.

Part of the problem that we are dealing with here is the fact that everything is very situational.

For example, a man who has just gotten cheated on is probably more likely to mean “I don’t want to be with you” than a man who hasn’t.

That’s kind of why instead of giving one set answer to what it means when a man tells you that he doesn’t see the two of you getting back together I am giving you both sides of the coin.

Lets start with part one!

PART ONE: It Means That He Doesn’t Want To Be With You… Right Now

right now

Like I said above there are two parts to this bad boy.

In this “part” we are going to be focusing on your ex boyfriend meaning he doesn’t want to be with you… right now.

So, for those of you who are confused take a deep breath.

The way this works is pretty simple.

Your ex boyfriend tells you the generic,

“I don’t see us getting back together.”

But what does he really mean?

Well, with this “part” he does mean what he says but only in the current moment.

The Importance Of “Right Now”

meow

Take a look at the phrase above..

Hmm.. maybe I should be mores specific.

Ok, take a look at the phrase below,

“It means that he doesn’t want to be with you… right now.”

Notice the bolded part?

Those two little words, right now, mean A LOT.

They are the difference from your ex boyfriend actually meaning what he says and not meaning what he says.

The best way I can describe this is by taking a look at a workout.

I know that sounds weird but bear with me here.

I really enjoy going for a workout.

Why?

Because I feel like I am accomplishing something and after the workout food tastes like 10 times better.

So, lets say that I go for a really hard workout.

Lets say I do something insane and am in the gym for something crazy like 4 hours and I end up losing 5lbs from that one workout. After I am finished with the workout I think to myself,

“Man, I have nothing left to give.”

If you were to ask me in that moment,

“Hey Chris, would you like to go out for another workout?”

I would definitely say no especially if I felt I had nothing left to give.

However, if you were to ask me the same question a few days later when I am feeling healthy I would definitely say yes.

The two little words,

“Right Now”

Work in this way.

Just because your ex boyfriend is saying something like, “I don’t see us getting back together” to you doesn’t necessarily make it true.

Hmm… perhaps I should expand on this.

Why An Ex Saying “I Don’t See Us Getting Back Together” Doesn’t Make It True 100% Of The Time

must be true

“Two words. Three vowels. Four consonants. Seven letters. It can either cut you open to the core and leave you in ungodly pain or it can free your soul and lift a tremendous weight off you shoulders. The phrase is: It’s over.”

Maggie Richard once said this about breaking up.

I have found that it is very true.

As I am sure you are aware going through a breakup is one of the most painful things that a human being can experience.

I mean, breakups are often associated with,

  • Pain
  • Anger
  • Crying
  • Depression
  • Loss Of Appetite
  • Physical Harm
  • Withdrawl

Last time I checked everything I mentioned above is very negative.

I guess my point is that breakups have a lot of negatives associated with them and a person doesn’t just get over a breakup in a week or two. Heck, I have seen some cases where it takes a person YEARS to finally move on.

So, let me ask you.

When you take an ex boyfriend who is going through a highly emotional time during a breakup and listen to him say,

“I don’t see us getting back together”

How likely is it that you think he actually means what he is saying?

I mean, of course he doesn’t see the two of you getting back together RIGHT NOW because RIGHT NOW his life sucks.

He is going through a breakup after all.

You remember my cool example about the workout above?

Well, I look at an ex boyfriend saying that he doesn’t see the two of you getting back together like you asking him if he wants to run a mile after he has just run a marathon. Of course, the answer is going to be no in the moment.

However, like with most relationships a lot of this all boils down to timing.

If you were to re-approach the situation at a later time and push the right emotional buttons you may find that he has a different outlook.

In other words, “right now” usually means,

“Maybe Later.”

A Case Study Proving This

Here is something I haven’t done before.

Today we are going to take a real life example and show you how you can’t always take everything your ex boyfriend says “in the moment” so personally.

I want you to meet Sarah.

(That isn’t really her but I figured you would respond better to an image of her so I found this picture to hold as a place holder.)

Sarah is just like you.

Her boyfriend broke up with her citing a bunch of lame reasons (most of which aren’t true.)

Like all women in her position Sarah was faced with a choice.

She could desperately try to win him back or she could give up and move on.

What do you think she chose?

If you guessed “getting him back” then you would be right. Of course, Sarah wasn’t too clever in how she tried to get him back. She made most of the mistakes here and ended up pushing her ex further away.

That’s when something amazing happened.

The heavens parted…

Angels sang…

And God brought her his most powerful ally when it comes to breakups…

ME!

angel man

All kidding aside Sarah ended up finding Ex Boyfriend Recovery and implementing the advice found here.

Slowly but surely the advice started working.

Oh, perhaps I should mention that the two of us communicated for a while through the comments section here. In fact, I believe she even went as far as to buy my PRO system. So, we did have constant contact throughout this hard time in her life.

It might also be relevant to mention that at one point early on her ex boyfriend did mutter a version of,

“I don’t see us getting back together ever…”

What did he say exactly?

To be honest I can’t remember 100% what he said but it was probably something like,

“Look Sarah, I like you a lot but I don’t think we are right together.”

You get the picture.

So, here is the question I submit to you.

Do you think he meant it?

Well, the only sure fire way that Sarah could find out was to try my strategies and see if she could get him back.

Guess what…

SHE DID!

Screen-Shot-2015-04-27-at-6.26.42-PM

So, what we have here is a case where an ex boyfriend claims that he is never going to take you back and then his actions suggest otherwise.

Speaking of actions…

Actions Vs. Words Theory

more action

I am a big believer that actions speak louder than words.

I know…

I know…

It’s not necessarily the most earth shattering insight but it kind of explains the case study above.

For example, Sarah’s boyfriend told her at one point that he didn’t think that they would be together. However, after a few months go by he ends up getting together with her.

Does this make him a liar?

Why yes it does…

Above I explained my theory on why this phenomenon occurs (remember how I said that breakups are extremely emotional and cloud people’s judgement?) Well, I don’t want to spend too much time talking about the lying right now.

What I would like to do is focus in on the actions vs words theory.

What is the actions vs words theory you ask?

Actions Vs. Word’s Theory– Instead of getting hung up on a mans words I want you to take words out of the equation entirely. I want you to take a look at his actions only since they are the true test as to what he is really thinking.

Lets zone in on the situation above with Sarah and her ex.

What was Sarah’s exes words?

“I don’t see us getting back together”

If Sarah was smart (which she was) she would completely disregard this and instead of obsessing about it she would just focus in on his actions AFTER he said it since they are the true test.

Ok, lets do that now.

What was Sarah’s exes actions?

He took her back

So, what we have here is a situation where the actions and words don’t agree. Of course, it just so happens that them not agreeing worked out for Sarah in this case.

What’s the point of me teaching you this theory?

It’s to teach you to not react to him saying “I don’t see us getting back together” immediately.

That’s actually the worst mistake you can make because you’ll be amazed at how many men can change their mind down the road but you can’t right them off right away for that to happen.

Of course, there are always those cases where your exes action may match up with his words.

PART TWO: It Actually Means He Doesn’t Want To Be With You

do not want

If you recall I have divided this page up into two different “parts.”

These parts are meant to represent the most common train of thoughts that women have when a man tells them “I don’t see us getting back together…”

In part one I talked a lot about the fact that there is a strong chance that your ex boyfriend may not totally mean it when he tells you that you guys aren’t going to end up together. Well, in part two we are going to take the opposite approach.

I am going to list out the warning signs that you need to keep an eye out for if your ex boyfriend actually means what he says.

There is nothing worse than putting your heart and soul into something only to have it not pan out in the end.

That is exactly what I want to help you avoid in this “part.”

Look, I would be doing you a disservice if I sat here and told you that there wasn’t a possibility that your ex could mean what he says when he says the “get back together” line.

There is…

However, I am going to teach you the warning signs that you need to look out for to determine whether or not trying to get him back is a waste of time.

I guess we should start off by talking about a concept that I just talked about.

Actions Vs. Words Matching

actions

It’s kind of weird.

Usually when we talk about actions and words matching we want them to match.

For example, when you have an ex boyfriend who gives you mixed signals and says something like,

“We will be together later.”

You want his actions to match with his words because it means that eventually you will indeed be together.

Unfortunately, that is not the case in this situation.

If you have an ex boyfriend who tells you that he doesn’t see the two of you getting back together you want his actions to say the opposite.

But what if they match?

What if your ex boyfriend tells you that he doesn’t want to be with you and his actions also point towards that?

Well, in that case things aren’t looking so good for you since it probably points towards the fact that he actually means what he says.

But what are some of the “actions” he can take for him to actually mean his words?

Action #1- He Ignores You Permanently

Lets say that your ex delivers the patented “I don’t see us getting back together line” and you take a very pragmatic approach to receiving the news.

Rather than reacting in the moment like so many other women do you decided to lay back and study his actions.

Your first way of testing the waters is reaching out to him with a friendly text message,

Screen Shot 2015-05-20 at 8.46.00 AM

You wait a few minutes… no response.

You wait an hour… no response.

You wait for a full day… no response.

Hmm… it looks like he isn’t going to respond to me. That’s ok, I will try again at a later date” you think to yourself.

There’s just one problem.

When you do try again at a later date he still ignores you.

In fact, every single time you ever reach out to him he ignores you.

As a general rule no response/attention from an ex is the worst thing that can happen to you.

No, seriously…

I would rather take negative attention over no attention any day when it comes to this game.

Let’s move on to our next “action.”

Action #2- He Is Insisting That You Won’t Get Back Together… A Lot

This isn’t an action per se but if your ex boyfriend is persistent about the fact that the two of you won’t get back together it can turn into an action.

Confusing huh?

Allow me to explain.

Imagine that I was your ex boyfriend and I told you that we weren’t ever going to get back together.

Of course, you being you, you decided to completely disregard what I say and continued to try to win me back.

Now, me being me continued to tell you that you had no chance.

In fact, I must have said this to you over 10 times.

If I am saying something to you that much it becomes an action.

Why?

Because there is a pattern to it and I consciously created that pattern.

In other words, I consciously took the action of building that pattern.

Action #3- Your Ex Starts Dating Someone Else

Some of you may be shocked that I am even mentioning this since I have put together extensive guides on how to get your ex back if he has a new girlfriend.

So, why would I recommend that women try to win back their ex in that case and not in this one?

Well, this is a little bit of a different situation.

Why?

Because of the fact that your ex warned you ahead of time that he did not see the two of you getting back together in the future… ever.

So, him taking the action of finding someone else is indicative that he might actually mean what he says.

Now, I do have a bit of good news with regards to this particular situation.

There are some very rare cases where he will date a new girl just to spite you.

For example, if I was your ex and was hurt really bad by the breakup and I went out and found the first girl that would date me I would be doing it to spite you. It just so happens that we call this a rebound relationship.

Rebounds are not what I am talking about here.

I am talking about when your ex boyfriend legitimately moves on.

In other words, enough time has passed for him to be over the breakup and be serious about someone new.

I guess what I am trying to say here is that if your ex is in a rebound relationship we aren’t going to count that as an official relationship.

Get it?

February 1, 2017

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

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What Do You Think? (325)

  1. Hopeful - 0

    Hopeful

    Here’s where I am right now. I’m a week into NC after my other two failed attempts where I caved too soon (9 and 12 days). He replied both times and has only initiated an actual conversation with me once, to ask my why I added a friend of his on Facebook (who’s a girl and in a relationship with another friend of his). Once I realized it made her and my ex uncomfortable, I unfriended her. In hindsight, friending her wasn’t a good idea, because it made me look like I had ulterior motives. However, I didn’t like the way my ex talked to me when he confronted me about it, as he seemed pretty rude, so I’ve been using that along with the fact that he only wanted an answer out of me as motivation to get through NC.

    I’ve also been reading a lot of articles on here to try and gather clarity about my situation. The break up happened a month ago as of Easter. He told me there were better people out there for me after he gave me the main reason for breaking up with me (that there’s too much going on in his life and things weren’t working). However, when I asked if this meant there was no chance of us getting back together in the future, he said something like, “I don’t know how I’ll be feeling when things are better on my end, but I guess I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.”

    I’ve had people tell me I need to give up on him and people tell me it “doesn’t sound like things are over” and “it doesn’t sound like he REALLY wanted to break up with me.” He didn’t ignore either of my attempts at friendly conversation before I re-entered NC, but he has been liking my stuff less than he did when we first broke up. I’m trying to move forward with my life but it’s hard when I don’t know what to make of this. Please help.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it’s ok to be afraid, it’s another thing to let it let it get to you.. be realistic.. if you’re more energized in going out alone, do that more and when you go out, be with fellow introverts

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