What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

What Should I Do If My Exboyfriend Says He Hates Me?

I don’t know if you’ve ever had a wild animal loose in your house, but I grew up in East Texas and it was a regular occurrence. Most of our days were incredibly warm, but where our house was built, if you opened all of the windows and doors, you would get the perfect breeze. It had to be downright miserable to even suggest turning on the air conditioner.

Now, with the doors open like that, we got all types of unwelcome visitors, from hummingbirds to squirrels. Everyone where we were from preferred to do this. In a small town like ours, we all knew each other. I would ride my bike down to a friend’s house and just walk in like I owned the place. I didn’t realize how strange this concept was until I got a little older and my friends from bigger towns looked at me like I was insane when I text them when they’re on their way over and say, “the door’s open.”

One day, when I was about 14 or 15, I rode my bike over to my friend’s house. When I walked in, I found 3 of my guy friends standing around the fridge, which was pulled away from the wall a bit.His mother was standing in the living room watching what can only be described as mild chaos. They were all yelling at each other. One of them was holding a broom up over his head like a club. And you could hear a distinct hissing noise coming from behind the fridge.

I don’t know how it managed to wind up behind the fridge, but one thing was for sure. There was an armadillo behind their fridge and no one knew how to get it out.And it was NOT happy about being behind a fridge surround by people.

I don’t know if you’ve ever seen a mad armadillo, but they are not friendly when they’re mad. They aren’t cute larger version of rolly pollies. They’re they hiss spit and lunge and this one had three athletic teenage boys shaking in their Air Jordans.

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Luckily, I’ve always been a bit of a creative problem solver, and they ned to have an array of empty cardboard boxes in their garage. We broke several of the boxes down and lined a pathway to the door. The idea was to pull the fridge out and use the broom to coax it back outside. None of us wanted to hurt it, so it seemed the only logical solution. It took hours of evasive maneuvering and some pretty serious broom work, but it worked! I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many guys openly admit that they are afraid of an animal that turns into a ball when it’s surprised.

The point I’m trying to make is that animals do unexplainable things when provoked, even if you don’t mean to be threatening. With animals, though, you can seem threatening simply because you are bigger than they are. Just imagine if it had been a skunk! We would have been dealing with a lot more than hissing.

People are not unlike animals in this sense.We lash out when we feel threatened, whether the receiver is intentionally threatening us or not. All it takes is that feeling of being threatened and there’s no telling how we’ll react.

He Hates Me, He Hates Me Not

There is only one reason someone would say they hate you.

He is angry about something.

Now, anger is a confusing emotion, because it is actually a secondary emotion. It does not usually exist on its own. It is a reaction.

Usually, anger manifests as a reaction to feelings of pain or fear, pain or fear of feeling attacked, feeling rejected, or experiencing loss.

However, anger cannot exist without a target.

If you can imagine anger as an arrow, the feelings of pain or fear are what draws back the string. They provide the power behind the arrow. The target will either be the person they believe is the source of the pain or themselves.

Either way, anger is being used as a tool, like an arrow can be used as a  weapon. The goal being to cut off the source of the pain or to distract from feeling it.

If your ex has said he hates you, then you would be the target and you can bet that your ex said it when he was feeling attacked or rejected.

“I hate you” is something you say with the intention of inflicting pain. So, either your ex is a sociopath, in which case, you’re better off, or he was simply lashing out.

Haven’t you ever told someone you hate them?

Was it ever someone you actually hate?

Not likely.

Why?

Because when you truly hate someone, it doesn’t matter if they know it or not. But, when you care about someone and they hurt you, it is almost impossible to fight the urge to want to lash out and hurt them back.

So let’s talk about what you really want to know.

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Did He Mean It

 

 

Every situation is different and I don’t know your ex. So let’s look at the factors that might play into your situation.

First, we need to consider what kind of person you are dealing with.

Is he the type of person that says stuff like this a lot? If so, then he doesn’t respect you and his goal is to hurt you or manipulate you. If this is the case and you still want him, then go through the full Recovery Program and when you get him back you have to renegotiate terms in the relationship. People only treat you the way you allow them to. If you want him to respect you, don’t allow him to be a part of your life if he doesn’t.

End of story.

I will never advise you to keep people in your life that treat you this way

You don’t hurt the people you love, especially not over and over again.

Walk away. End of story. If you are dead set on getting him back even after he continuously hurt you, you can go through the entire program, and when you DO get him back, you should be clear on what you expect from him. People treat us as poorly as we allow them to. Draw a line and stick to it.Will you stay if he ever treats you without respect again?

Will you stay if he ever treats you without respect again?

I hope each of you had this reaction to that question.

Now, every single other scenario can be boiled down to one of those three things we talked about earlier. It doesn’t matter if you broke up with him, if he broke up with you, if it was civil, or if you had a knock down drag out fight.

Anger spurs from pain or fear that comes from:

  1. feeling attacked
  2. feeling rejected
  3. experiencing or facing loss

Now, is it a crappy way to express his feelings?

Absolutely.

 

 

But if he is feeling any of these emotions, then his sudden “hate” of you was either a temporary emotion, meant to be a protect him when he was feeling vulnerable. So, I wouldn’t worry too much about it.

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Where do you go from here?

Understanding where he was coming from might make you want to talk it out.

 

Don’t.

This is NOT a “strike while the iron’s hot” moment.

It’s more like trying to pet an angry snake, it’ll only instigate the unpleasantness further.

 

Okay, not Gold, but success is as good as gold. right?

What’s Next?

Start No Contact now, if you haven’t already. It is absolutely impossible to repair whats been broken so far without it. It gives you the upper hand and keeps you from acting rashly and doing any damage.

Here, we’ve made you a map.

Follow these guidelines and find success like all of the others.

Over time, our team has put together this library of resources for public access here on the Ex-boyfriend Recovery site. There’s plenty there to get you started and give you a basic idea of the direction to go.

As I’m sure you can guess there is more than what we’ve put out there. And yes that’s true.

So, you can try to wing it….

or… there’s another way.

Chris has put together ALL of the information in ExRecovery Pro. It’s a map laid out for you to follow step by step. It’s simple enough that hundreds and hundreds of women have followed it through to success. Not only that, We recently created a Facebook Group for the Pro Users to Join. It’s private so none of your friends can see what is posted or said in it. It’s a family of women who are going through the same thing you are. Currently, there are over 200 women that make up the community. Chris, Jennifer, Amor, Leia, and I are all active within the group answering questions and offering support.

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The best part is that there are plenty of women in the Private EBR community who have gone through the entire program and have been successful. A lot of them stick around and offer support for the one’s that aren’t through quite yet. It’s already a tough process, but you don’t have to make it tougher by going through it alone.

Even if you choose to try it on your own with the resources we have here for your to follow, you are welcome to do that. There is plenty of stuff here to get you started and you are welcome to reach out to us in the comments below.

There is nothing we can’t survive or accomplish together.

	https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/Ashley.jpg	

Written by EBR Teamate

EBR Team Member: Ashley

27 thoughts on “What Should I Do If My Exboyfriend Says He Hates Me?”

  1. kirsten

    September 6, 2017 at 9:53 am

    Hey, so Im living in Turkey and my ex-boyfriend is Turkish, I am American. We had a great almost-two-year relationship, which was both of ours first serious, lets-talk-marriage relationship. He broke up with his other exes because they wanted marriage…and refuses to acknowledge their existence now(hes that type of person).
    Anyways, I was traveling around alone this summer and I made some friends with some guys who I went out drinking with…and ultimately cheated in a blackout drunk. I of course regretted it and he found out anyways and immediately moved out, screaming the most awful things at me, including telling me I probably have diseases and I am disgusting and he never wants to see my face again. I begged at the time, but then I came across your website and saw the No Contact Rule, etc. Ive read all your articles but my exbf is so different than American/Western men that Im not sure if it will work, hence my hesitation to buy the program. I have finished the no-contact, with the only time he texted me asking if he could have his clothes which he left at my house(I was travelling for the whole NC month, so I told him Id let him know when Im back). I have to make a meeting time with him but he is still angry and hates me, and its going to crush me when we meet and he acts terribly to me. My heart is broken, and although Ive been trying to self-improve(i.e. travelling around Turkey to learn new things, improving my Turkish language skills, reading new books, etc) I dont feel much better about the situation. Please help me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 7, 2017 at 9:08 pm

  2. andi

    August 9, 2017 at 9:34 pm

    Hi, I’m in a sticky situation that is giving me a lot of anxiety. My boyfriend broke up with me a little over a month ago, which was a couple days after we had ignored each other and I decided I was done with him. I did not respond to the breakup text. This is unlike the last time we broke up, where I went into panic mode and became the text nagger and begged for his comfort. This time, it was a little over a week until we communicated after having to see each other at a meeting of sorts. He texted me saying that he was sorry for hurting me so much and that it sucked to see me that day. I didn’t respond until quite a few hours later with a long text. This was my biggest mistake during this breakup, because I shouldn’t have responded at all. But it lead us to having a short discussion that was definitely lead by frustration and ended on no good note. A week later, he texted saying that he hates me after seeing me for the first time since that meeting. Three days later I respond calmly and just asked him about it and let him exert his anger. He told me he hopes I die and stuff. I just left a positive text and blocked him. Today is was the first day of school this year and we have two classes together. I’m tired of being forced to pretend that I never knew him. I HAVE TO GET ON GOOD TERMS WITH HIM. I need help

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 10, 2017 at 4:44 pm

      Hi Andi,

      you can follow the advice on this one:
      EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

  3. Spring

    March 18, 2017 at 7:30 pm

    Hi,

    I’m in a really confusing situation and could do with some advice 🙂

    Background info: I’ve been in a relationship for more than half a year with this guy who I have strong feelings for and a deep connection (I’m falling in love with him) and he also has deep feelings for me and I’ve had a big impact on his life. The first 4 months of the relationship was perfect, we went out on a lot of dates and developed our connection but then he started his new job and we was seeing less of each other due to the nature of his work but we was still communicating with one another on social media nearly everyday, ofcourse within the month it slowed down until we was barely seeing each other and apart for a good 2 months. We saw each other again near Xmas time which was good, the feelings was still there but ofcourse he was getting more responsibility and duties at work and its busy season which didn’t help so it means I haven’t been able to see him at all and when we’ve been making plans they have been cancelled last minute due to him being given tasks/ travelling for work at last minute. We’ve been very on and off these past few months,but we are still communicating regularly. Two weeks ago he was saying stuff like I’m amazing, he loves everything about me and that I’m the right person he wants to be in a relationship with and that he will make me his priority and not be with other girls.

    THE PROBLEM : Currently, he is seriously ill and ofcourse I care about him so I’ve been worried and reaching out to him to check how he is. This is something that he doesn’t particularly want to share with me, he hasn’t told me much so I’ve been really worried and well I’ve been messaging him nearly every two days just to make sure he is ok. He said that I’ve been scarce despite him asking 5 days earlier for space, he’s worried that I just want him to do romantic stuff on because I sent him a romantic get well soon voicemessage that Friday. I’ve just been really confused lately with his behaviour because I’m so used to him iniiating our messages and having that open and honest communication but since he’s been ill I’ve heard nothing unless I start a convo, he then said he was not sure about meeting up and so I panicked because the evening before that he was suggesting about meeting up. I’ve been so confused so I asked him if he was seeing someone else because we haven’t physically seen each other since the end of last year and I know that I haven’t been able to meet his needs etc I feel like I’ve fucked things up because he responded with “ok.. I see how it is”. I wasn’t trying to accuse him of anything I just wasn’t sure.

    What should I do now to make things better? I feel awful for asking him when he is ill but I was just really confused with his behaviour? Do you think there is any hope left?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 22, 2017 at 10:28 pm

      Hi Spring,

      how ill is ill and who broke up with who,n

  4. Jenny

    March 13, 2017 at 8:02 pm

    Hi team, I need some major help!

    I broke up from my ex boyfriend of 4 years 3 months ago. I was devastated but in a way I knew it was coming as this past year he messed me around and I think he just wanted to be a lad and do what 19 year old boys do. We broke up and straight away he was messing around with girls, I was heart broken and decided to move on myself. Whilst we weren’t together I did sleep with someone else I was seeing mainly because I was hurt at what he was doing to me ( at the time he was the only boy I had ever slept with) in the end he found out and was so upset he headbutted me which broke my heart even more. I tried to do no contact to see if that would make a difference I did two weeks and then gave in and he completely rejected me, then I did 3 weeks and broke it the other day and ended up begging for him back. Unfortunately because of the other guy he insists he has no more feelings for me and we are done for good. Every time I beg and cry he just tells me to move on; never contact him again and he doesn’t care about me. I am so gutted it’s unreal the fact that he wasn’t begging before was hard but now that he has no feelings for me, he hates me and wants nothing more to do with me again hurts even more. When I do no contact he makes no effort to contact me at all and he’s moved on. He was my first love, the love of my life and he cheated and lied and more importantly hurt me. I know in these situations I should realise my worth and move on but more then anything I want him to actually realise what we had and what we lost and him beg for me for a change. He is so stubborn I know that what I want will never happen. All he does is slag me off behind my back and tell people he’s gonna make my life hell but all I want is for him to come back realise what he threw away and be the man I need for good.

    What do I do? Is it too late this time? Will he ever come back even though he says he feels nothing for me? I am suffering with so much anxiety and depression because of this I can’t take anymore I just want him back.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 15, 2017 at 2:59 pm

      Hi Jenny,

      There’s less chance of him begging if you dont change.. change and improve first.. it’s not yet too late. Focus in that.. Aim to be an ungettable girl..

  5. Lisa

    March 11, 2017 at 11:05 pm

    My ex told me he was changing his number. Even though I completed NC perfectly. Do you have any idea what might motivate this behavior?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 14, 2017 at 6:13 pm

      Hi Lisa,

      when and how long did you do nc? How much did you improve? When and why dod you break up? How long have you been talking since nc ended?

    2. Lisa

      March 15, 2017 at 2:28 am

      Hi Amor

      Technically we broke up in November. I broke up with him. But we kept things going and I went to stay at his place for the summer (Dec/Jan). I told him we could have fun during the summer but I wanted to move on after that. After staying with him for a week, basically being a couple, we had a big fight and he said he wasn’t IN love me anymore.

      We stayed texting and friends for about a month after that, but he had been unravelling emotionally for about 2 months. I tried to support him, but in mid-January I came up against my own issues, and instead of supporting me he twisted my words around and got mad. Said we were no longer friends and he would never message me again. I sent a stream of anger, then went into NC for about 30-40 days.

      First contact was late feb, I did a perfect first-contact text, which took about 3 days to play out and he responded badly. Then, about 4 days after that, I asked him for help with something he’s good at. That went really badly. I apologised and went into NC for another week and a half. I drunk texted him the other night. Something random with no context, not “I miss you” or anything. Next day I owned up, and he told me he was changing his number.

      I’ve improved a lot. I think I’ve improved a little too much. He says stuff to me like “I’m living in a hospital” and “I can’t even help myself”. He’s so angry, which I don’t understand. I think he’s lying about the hospital because he’s told lies about me to friends. My family think he’s a chronic liar.

      After three tries, I’m moving on from him. I miss his friendship, but he hasn’t treated me well at all, and I won’t be able to trust him in the future.

      What is still bugging me, though, is his behaviour. I don’t understand it. Do you have any idea what might be behind all this weird stuff he’s doing? What do you think the chances are that I can have him as a friend in the future?

      Thanks so much.

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 16, 2017 at 12:57 pm

      it looka like he’s immature.. with time, yes, there’s a chance you can be friends again..

  6. Dimple

    March 11, 2017 at 4:56 pm

    I had brought Ex-pro boo and texting bible. can I join your facebook page to share?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 14, 2017 at 5:52 pm

      Hi Dimple,

      when did you buy it and was it the premium package? I’d have to touchbase with Chris on what to do if it was bought before the group feature or if you want to upgrade to premium..I’ll get back to you after that.. 🙂

  7. Dimple

    March 11, 2017 at 4:52 pm

    I had brought Ex-pro and texting bible before . I am applying no contact rule to my ex and I am getting non stop text and phone calls.Is it possible me to joint your Facebook page to share? Do I need to buy again to join?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 14, 2017 at 5:52 pm

      Hi Dimple,

      when did you buy it and was it the premium package? I’d have to touchbase with Chris on what to do if it was bought before the group feature or if you want to upgrade to premium..I’ll get back to you after that.. 🙂

  8. Chelly

    March 10, 2017 at 9:42 am

    Hi! I sent my ex a letter a positive one but its like a goodbye letter that lots of thank you About what happened between us. I sent that after 21 days of NC and now its been 20 days. I don’t know how am i going to approach him because he said before he wants to move on and he doesn’t feel us anymore because we always fight. I am posting on social media that i’m doing better and dating myself for the past 1 month.

    1. Chelly

      March 10, 2017 at 9:45 am

      Btw we’re in a long distance relationship. He booked tickets to the place we’ll go this month but its not gonna happen anymore because we already broke up

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 13, 2017 at 2:02 pm

      Hi Jelly,

      open up, because you need to build rapport..have fun conversations but dont be too available.Continue the activities you started in nc while slowly building rapport with him..Follow the advice on this one:
      The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship

  9. Haley

    March 8, 2017 at 9:57 pm

    My boyfriend and I dated for almost 3 years. We met freshman year of college and are now in our senior year. We had talked about marragie and jobs/living situations after school and everything was going amazing. One day out of the blue he told me he didn’t think he loved me anymore, he hadn’t be acting any different, was still doing cute little things to make me happy. The day after saying he didn’t think he loved me he told me he wanted to make things work, for the next week everything was normal, no arguing or anything. Then we went on thanksgiving break, he began to drink and smoke constantly (something he never did) and began to snapchat another girl. He told me about everything after break and said he enjoyed being single, even tho when we left school we were still together and trying to make it work. He admitted that snap chatting this girl was a huge mistake and he had no interest. We went back and forth for about a month. In the beginning of January he ended things, I honestly thought he was bipolar, one second he would be trying to lay in my
    Bed and the next he would hate me and I wasn’t even allowed to talk to him without getting yelled at. He moved out about a month after the breakup, he was back and forth with his actions while living here and the whole thing confused me. The second he moved out he began recontacting the girl he was snapchatting. He told me our relationship and I were amazing but something just went “wrong”. He then a day later said he hated me, wished he never met me and never wanted to see or hear from me again. I am trying no contact but now that he is with this girl and seems to have so much hate for me I’m not sure if it will do anything. What should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 12, 2017 at 10:42 am

      for me you should do 45 days. Doing 21 nor 30 will not stop him from getting closer to the girl but you can put up a good fight by improving yourself because he will unconsciously compare you two, and he will remember the recent memories, so change that through you improvement and by indirectly showing it through your posts.

  10. Alejandra Rivera Quiñones

    March 6, 2017 at 4:55 pm

    Long story short, after our breakup my ex kept contacting me and tbh I tried to apply the no contact rule but I didn’t follow it as I should have, we constantly talked and I thought it was a good sign, then I talked to one of his friends I told his friend I still loved my ex and I did not see him as a friend. I want to point out I never begged to my ex though. After that my ex texted me that he wanted to stop communication and then I told him I was dating someone but nothing serious, that I still had feelings for him (my ex) and that I was not interested in being only his friend and that he should contact me if he wanted something else, after this my ex told me he was with someone else and he was super mad at me and very upset. A couple days after I tried to apologize and he rejected me and was very mad. I don’t know what to do anymore! I want him back but I didn’t want him to think I was going to chase him! Should I try the no contact rule and this time do it properly?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 10, 2017 at 1:55 am

      Hi alejandra,
      yeah why not? If you’re going to do it, do 45 days..

  11. Dimple

    February 28, 2017 at 5:53 pm

    I tried to work out with my ex. I asked my friend who introduced us to talk to him. He told me to have self respect. He did not want to marry me. He thinks I am a whore So how to react on this and what does it means?How to change his belief?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 28, 2017 at 9:30 pm

      Hi Dimple,

      have you been chasing him? Do you want to try the no contact rule?

    2. Dimple

      March 1, 2017 at 1:38 am

      Yes . we talk about marriage and future. I am impliing no contact now. He told have self respect . Also not to bother him and try not to contact him again. How many days should I do no contact?

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 1, 2017 at 8:09 pm

      You need to do at least 45 days.. open this link:
      You Desperately Begged For Him Back And Failed… I’m Here To Fix That

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