I don’t know if you’ve ever had a wild animal loose in your house, but I grew up in East Texas and it was a regular occurrence. Most of our days were incredibly warm, but where our house was built, if you opened all of the windows and doors, you would get the perfect breeze. It had to be downright miserable to even suggest turning on the air conditioner.
Now, with the doors open like that, we got all types of unwelcome visitors, from hummingbirds to squirrels. Everyone where we were from preferred to do this. In a small town like ours, we all knew each other. I would ride my bike down to a friend’s house and just walk in like I owned the place. I didn’t realize how strange this concept was until I got a little older and my friends from bigger towns looked at me like I was insane when I text them when they’re on their way over and say, “the door’s open.”
One day, when I was about 14 or 15, I rode my bike over to my friend’s house. When I walked in, I found 3 of my guy friends standing around the fridge, which was pulled away from the wall a bit.His mother was standing in the living room watching what can only be described as mild chaos. They were all yelling at each other. One of them was holding a broom up over his head like a club. And you could hear a distinct hissing noise coming from behind the fridge.
I don’t know how it managed to wind up behind the fridge, but one thing was for sure. There was an armadillo behind their fridge and no one knew how to get it out.And it was NOT happy about being behind a fridge surround by people.
I don’t know if you’ve ever seen a mad armadillo, but they are not friendly when they’re mad. They aren’t cute larger version of rolly pollies. They’re they hiss spit and lunge and this one had three athletic teenage boys shaking in their Air Jordans.
Luckily, I’ve always been a bit of a creative problem solver, and they ned to have an array of empty cardboard boxes in their garage. We broke several of the boxes down and lined a pathway to the door. The idea was to pull the fridge out and use the broom to coax it back outside. None of us wanted to hurt it, so it seemed the only logical solution. It took hours of evasive maneuvering and some pretty serious broom work, but it worked! I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many guys openly admit that they are afraid of an animal that turns into a ball when it’s surprised.
The point I’m trying to make is that animals do unexplainable things when provoked, even if you don’t mean to be threatening. With animals, though, you can seem threatening simply because you are bigger than they are. Just imagine if it had been a skunk! We would have been dealing with a lot more than hissing.
People are not unlike animals in this sense.We lash out when we feel threatened, whether the receiver is intentionally threatening us or not. All it takes is that feeling of being threatened and there’s no telling how we’ll react.
He Hates Me, He Hates Me Not
There is only one reason someone would say they hate you.
He is angry about something.
Now, anger is a confusing emotion, because it is actually a secondary emotion. It does not usually exist on its own. It is a reaction.
Usually, anger manifests as a reaction to feelings of pain or fear, pain or fear of feeling attacked, feeling rejected, or experiencing loss.
However, anger cannot exist without a target.
If you can imagine anger as an arrow, the feelings of pain or fear are what draws back the string. They provide the power behind the arrow. The target will either be the person they believe is the source of the pain or themselves.
Either way, anger is being used as a tool, like an arrow can be used as a weapon. The goal being to cut off the source of the pain or to distract from feeling it.
If your ex has said he hates you, then you would be the target and you can bet that your ex said it when he was feeling attacked or rejected.
“I hate you” is something you say with the intention of inflicting pain. So, either your ex is a sociopath, in which case, you’re better off, or he was simply lashing out.
Haven’t you ever told someone you hate them?
Was it ever someone you actually hate?
Because when you truly hate someone, it doesn’t matter if they know it or not. But, when you care about someone and they hurt you, it is almost impossible to fight the urge to want to lash out and hurt them back.
So let’s talk about what you really want to know.
Did He Mean It
Every situation is different and I don’t know your ex. So let’s look at the factors that might play into your situation.
First, we need to consider what kind of person you are dealing with.
Is he the type of person that says stuff like this a lot? If so, then he doesn’t respect you and his goal is to hurt you or manipulate you. If this is the case and you still want him, then go through the full Recovery Program and when you get him back you have to renegotiate terms in the relationship. People only treat you the way you allow them to. If you want him to respect you, don’t allow him to be a part of your life if he doesn’t.
End of story.
I will never advise you to keep people in your life that treat you this way
You don’t hurt the people you love, especially not over and over again.
Walk away. End of story. If you are dead set on getting him back even after he continuously hurt you, you can go through the entire program, and when you DO get him back, you should be clear on what you expect from him. People treat us as poorly as we allow them to. Draw a line and stick to it.Will you stay if he ever treats you without respect again?
Will you stay if he ever treats you without respect again?
I hope each of you had this reaction to that question.
Now, every single other scenario can be boiled down to one of those three things we talked about earlier. It doesn’t matter if you broke up with him, if he broke up with you, if it was civil, or if you had a knock down drag out fight.
Anger spurs from pain or fear that comes from:
- feeling attacked
- feeling rejected
- experiencing or facing loss
Now, is it a crappy way to express his feelings?
But if he is feeling any of these emotions, then his sudden “hate” of you was either a temporary emotion, meant to be a protect him when he was feeling vulnerable. So, I wouldn’t worry too much about it.
Where do you go from here?
Understanding where he was coming from might make you want to talk it out.
This is NOT a “strike while the iron’s hot” moment.
It’s more like trying to pet an angry snake, it’ll only instigate the unpleasantness further.
Okay, not Gold, but success is as good as gold. right?
Start No Contact now, if you haven’t already. It is absolutely impossible to repair whats been broken so far without it. It gives you the upper hand and keeps you from acting rashly and doing any damage.
Here, we’ve made you a map.
- How To Make No Contact Work For You
- What to Do in Any Situation During No Contact
- Make Him Regret Letting You Go
Follow these guidelines and find success like all of the others.
Over time, our team has put together this library of resources for public access here on the Ex-boyfriend Recovery site. There’s plenty there to get you started and give you a basic idea of the direction to go.
As I’m sure you can guess there is more than what we’ve put out there. And yes that’s true.
So, you can try to wing it….
or… there’s another way.
Chris has put together ALL of the information in ExRecovery Pro. It’s a map laid out for you to follow step by step. It’s simple enough that hundreds and hundreds of women have followed it through to success. Not only that, We recently created a Facebook Group for the Pro Users to Join. It’s private so none of your friends can see what is posted or said in it. It’s a family of women who are going through the same thing you are. Currently, there are over 200 women that make up the community. Chris, Jennifer, Amor, Leia, and I are all active within the group answering questions and offering support.
The best part is that there are plenty of women in the Private EBR community who have gone through the entire program and have been successful. A lot of them stick around and offer support for the one’s that aren’t through quite yet. It’s already a tough process, but you don’t have to make it tougher by going through it alone.
Even if you choose to try it on your own with the resources we have here for your to follow, you are welcome to do that. There is plenty of stuff here to get you started and you are welcome to reach out to us in the comments below.
There is nothing we can’t survive or accomplish together.