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881 thoughts on “What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means”

  1. Avatar


    January 1, 2020 at 11:20 am

    Hi Chris,

    Me and my ex dated for a little for a year and I broke up with him a few days ago because I felt that he didn’t treat me the same anymore, and the fact that our long distance relationship was making everything really difficult. I also asked him why he never told me he loved me during this whole relationship. He told me that he loved being with me but he didn’t feel love… This literally shattered my world… Did he really mean that?
    Why did he call me everyday and why did he fly over to visit me so many times if he didn’t love me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 3, 2020 at 5:34 am

      Hi V I can not answer those questions to be honest, all I can do is advise you on how to get him back. Him investing time to come and see you and spend time calling you he clearly liked you, but there is a difference between liking someone and loving someone, some people need more time

  2. Avatar

    El fonty

    December 16, 2019 at 3:42 am

    Hi Chris, me and my bf had been together for 1 and half year. Lately we broke up due to he grew really tired of taking care of me and my son for the last 1 month, and I was very emotional and blamed him for the pregnancy and mentioned break up and needing break during that time. We lived together with my son for 3 months. Worst thing that happened I had to get abortion due to got pregnant with him as I am finally signing paper with my first husband whereby I didn’t want to complicate the signing. I find my self really foolish to have done the abortion as it causes him great pain and regrets even though he agreed to do it and paid for the precedure. And he thought I no longer love him and not willing to risk it for him. I had separated from my first husband for few years but just finally signing paper.

    Now he was hurted due to being neglected by me, many fights with me during the stressful pregnant time, and also thought I never wanted the baby although it was mutual decision to have it later.

    We are never really done no contacts except 1 – 2 days due to we have shared business and when i was away he had to take care. Now my son is away, I m back in town but he is persistent with a break up. He said he no longer love me, he hasn’t been happy for long time, he said even if we get back or move in together, he won’t be happy. He has so much negative emotions associated with me yet he stil care and accompany me to doctor.

    I just feel its waste cause we been through a lot and finally I m signing paper that he been waiting for . He just gave up now and give in to the stress before I have a chance to make him happy.

    What can I Do? Pls help

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 19, 2019 at 9:42 pm

      As you share a business you need to do a Limited no contact where you only speak for business reasons and nothing else no relationship talk. Then when your no contact is over you can then go on to start attracting him to you again

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    November 27, 2019 at 9:23 am

    My ex boyfriend we were together for 2 yrs broke up with me 2 mos ago saying that there is no chemistry anymore, he doesnt want to hurt me again and just want to be friends. Shocker but i tried no contact for a week or two. He msged saying he hopes im doing ok. Ignored. After 2 days he messaged saying he’s been sick lately. Ignored for 2 days. Then finally messaged when he showed me back his laboratory results. As a nurse i couldn’t ignore and tended to his needs. After that we did not lose contact. It was pretty clear to me he just wanted to friends as what he says when he broke up. Since him being sick we have been exchanging brief msgs checking out on each other. More so lately, its coming from him. Yesterday asking hows my day been. Feeling tired of feeling this way. I decided to do No contact. I didnt reply. Im confused as he said he just wanted to be friends. What is he doing?? To be honest, i really want him back but i realised i need to work on my self first before going back there again, also thinking He’s just being friendly with his txts.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 1, 2019 at 12:25 am

      Hey there, so if you do not want him back you can speak with him and still work on yourself but it doesnt mean you have to reply to him every time he reaches out. If anything that keeps him on his toes too. Do not feel guilty for working on yourself if you find you cant speak with him while you do that, then go into No Contact.

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    September 2, 2019 at 4:49 pm

    My ex broke up with me a week ago after I tried to bring up something that was bothering me. Basically he laughed and said it’s no big deal… and ignored my calls. Two days later, I said to him I think we got off track somehow. Let’s just drop this and keep moving forward. He broke up via text with me saying it’s always something. We had some text exchanges where I fought him a bit on it and said I disagreed but accepted it. I’ve been in no contact since, but did see something he posted on social media. (Yes, I know that’s bad). But basically what was said was “It’s hard to say goodbye to someone you love, but better to give up when they’re not fighting for you.”. That’s like the polar opposite of what I was trying to do. I was trying my hardest to work out things…. he broke up with me!! Is he just hurting? I need clarity.

  5. Avatar

    Natsai Zisengwe

    August 22, 2019 at 10:29 pm

    Thanx a lot this really helped.

  6. Avatar


    August 7, 2019 at 9:10 am

    My lover of 10 years just broke up with me,we didnt fight or argue.
    He just said next time we meet I wont be your lover.
    He says he really likes me, but in his heart he doesnt feel the same as I do and says hes been unfair to me.
    He says we ve always been happy together, and make each other laugh, and he really likes when we re together with and the things we do, he cant resist that.
    But now, here I am heartbroken and crying.
    He says he wants to be friends but right now he cant be that cos he feels he needs time and distance to rebuild himself after a 10 year intimate relationship.
    I miss him so much, we used to message everyday, and now I feel Im been punished cos I cant msg him and talk to him.

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    August 3, 2019 at 1:55 pm

    Hi I’m 24, my boyfriend dumped me a few days ago after 8 months of dating saying we were just too different and that he wasn’t mature enough to be in a relationship. I really thought our relationship was perfect, sure no relationship is perfect but there was so much I liked about him and being with him and it really seemed like he was as into me as I was into him. So it was really confusing to me and out of the blue. He even gave me that cliché ass BS that “it’s not you it’s me”….I don’t know what happened…

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    July 28, 2019 at 4:21 am

    My ex always expiernced bad relationship which made him had trust issues and wouldn’t open up to people until he met me. We were dating for 6 months he broke up with me and told me that he still wants to be friends and wanted to do business with his music. He also made a promise that we will see each other. When I was his gf I would always check up on him, buy him the things he need, whenever he was sick I took care of him and everything. I would still ask how is he doing just to make sure he’s good because we suppose to be friends but recently when he would talk to me he would reply fast but leave me on read, takes hours to reply and even be close to a day to respond. When I told him how I felt about that he basically said “my bad I won’t do it again goodnight.” I haven’t talked to him but he would send me videos of him lip syncing and I would send one back on snap. Yesterday on snapchat he made a post saying “changed in 2 years so young and naïve”. I made a post which was wrong I should’ve ignored but in my post I basically was saying communicate how you feel don’t do childish things. We haven’t spoken since then but what should I do? I don’t speak to him anymore but what he did it hurt me.

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    July 15, 2019 at 7:35 pm

    My recent ex boyfriend broke up with me but wouldn’t actually say he wanted to break up. He came up with all these excuses like his parents didn’t like me, his friends didn’t like me, and someone told him I cheated (I never did). We were fine one night then the next morning he wouldn’t speak to me all day and that’s when he started getting really rude with his texts and started saying his parents didn’t like me. I stopped communicating with him for 2 days and I noticed I was still on his social media with heart by my name and I was entirely confused because he would never give me the time of day to explain what I did so wrong. His friends began texting me and telling me he does care he’s just putting up an act to act tough and like he doesn’t care. He was hanging with a girl for the past two days also. I’m confused on why the breakup happened in the first place because I always treated him right and always had manners and yes ma’ams no ma’am yes sirs and no sirs to his parents and always let him if he wanted to hangout with friends (which he rarely did anyways). He then started calling me crazy and childish and controlling when I never was I always let him do as he pleased. We were happy and everyone could see it even his guy friends who texted me to see if I was okay. They say they’re disappointed in him for doing me wrong. Any advice?

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    July 6, 2019 at 11:07 pm

    Hi Chris,
    Thanks for your article I got some hints from it.
    My 2.5yr long distance bf broke up with me just a week ago. It wasn’t the first time he broke up with me but this time the reasons are different and he was extremely cold with friendly attitude when we met after he sent me broke up messages. He said he sees the sad part of him when I’m with him and he couldn’t get happy because of this. (He got some undiagnosed mental issues and it happened regularly in our relationship. He was also poor when we first dated though he’s pretty successful now. He’s always trying to get the real happiness for himself) So he needs to throw me away along with those bad moments in his life that he never wants to go back to in order to feel happy. Like every other times, he still wants to be friends and still read, reply my messages in coldest way. I feel he really wants to end things this time but I’d still hope for future. What he said is sth hard for me to understand, shouldn’t people cherish or treasure those who’ve been with you during ups and downs? I’ve never thought it’d be the thing that he broke up with me… He also said he still loves me but he can never loves me like I do to him.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      July 7, 2019 at 4:04 pm

      Hi Alice….glad you enjoyed the article.Sometimes a guy will say something foolish. I don’t think the friend route will be the best approach and could likely frustrate you. I think you should consider a period of No Contact as I teach it in my Program, “EBR Pro Bundle”.

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    June 21, 2019 at 4:34 am

    Hello,me and my ex dated for five years. It has been both amazing and challenging as we have fought extremely hard for our relationship over the years. We were both in an unhappy marriage and discovered each other and decided to pursue our relationship as we were happy with each other. But due to the emotional difficult and the strain it had on me emotionally. I didn’t feel as loved and the long distance has caused me to doubt the survival of the relationship. We were long distance for 2 1/2 years and it was extremely hard. We were both going through a divorce and we were both fighting to be with each other. During this turmoil I met someone else and he made me feel the emotional connection that I felt I no longer had with my ex. I left my ex during this time but we eventually reconciled and decided we have been through so much to give up. Fast forward 2 years and he discovered I had a fling with the other guy. Although we discussed the situation then he didn’t discover that I still had contact with him for 3 months after I told him I chose him. I felt guilty for the other guy and it was hard because we worked in the same office. Although I broke it off and left my job for him. He told me he was depressed after finding out. He said he still loves me and will always love me but he no longer feels the same about the relationship. He said he won’t cut me off or block me but he has to do what is right and what is right is to walk away. I’v begged him to stay. I know you NC rule but he has always complained that when we fight he always made the effort and I would always act like it didn’t affect me. Even if it did. I want to be the one to try because I was the person at fault and I want to show him how truly sorry I am and how much the relationship means to me. And I felt that showing him even if it meant begging would show my effort as it was not there before. Do you think I can successfully get him back, and reading your post about what it means when guys say stuff. What does it mean when he says he still will always love and care for me but no longer feels the same about the relationship? Does this mean he has checked out? And my chances are zero? I’m desperate here.

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    June 20, 2019 at 6:47 pm

    Hey Chris…

    My long distance (ex) boyfriend and I are working with the same summer company (we are in the arts and go away for short summer contracts). We had been having bouts of tension and arguments over the phone that were getting more and more common. I have anxiety, which doesn’t make things easier and he hasn’t always been the most proactive on being a team through that. We came upon this summer hoping to work through our issues and figure out where our arguments came from and how to avoid them. However, I have been feeling him pull away and not put in any effort to help fix anything. About 10 days ago, after another argument, he said we were done. He said he didn’t have the emotional energy to continue being in a relationship in general, that he felt spiritually ungrounded, artistically unfulfilled, and seemed to blame a lot of it on what was happening with us. We spent the next week talking it out, but also sleeping in the same bed, me basically trying to convince him to stay, and him debating, and then eventually, on a Saturday night after an opening night party, he pulled me aside to say “I still don’t know if I want a relationship, but I want to be romantic and just take a step back to see what we are and if we can be a couple again.” He also said “to everyone else it will look the same, that we are together, and I’ll still introduce you as my girl.” I didn’t get a chance to really process or ask questions about what those boundaries would be, and I was also just so exhausted I needed an emotional break. I agreed. Over the next day and a half, he was very affectionate at home, touching me intimately and even having sex with me right before we went to a birthday party at a bar. Later at the birthday party, it felt like he didn’t care I was there. He hardly interacted with me, and when I asked him to dance with me, he wasn’t as into it as I wanted him to be. I got drunk and was feeling used, how he’d act one way at home and differently in public. So, we got into an argument. It was really bad— yelling, we took it to my car so that it could be private, but when he wanted to leave, knowing that I wasn’t done and didn’t want to keep arguing outside the bar where everyone we worked with was at, I drove just down the road, just enough to be out of sight and earshot. This made things worse, he was so upset and told me I’d “shown him who I really am”, that “this would be the last time we’d ever speak, so say what you have to say”, and also when I asked why he hated me, he said “I don’t hate anyone, I’m just DONE with you.”

    I’ve moved out of the house but now I’m just left feeling heartbroken and confused. How can someone who wanted to give this another chance be so ready to be done with me? Especially given that I was reacting out of substance and a weeks worth of heartache catching up to me? I was drunk and had come off of a whole week of sleeping in the same bed as someone who was about to leave me, how can he not understand how that would take it’s toll and affect the way I was reacting? I don’t know what I should do besides NC, or if he really meant it when he said we’d never speak again, and he’s done with me. I need help and clarity!

  13. Avatar


    June 10, 2019 at 8:05 am

    Hi In December, my boyfriend was confused and was scared of the future. Last week, he was upset went I met him and said he was confused again and wasn’t sure if we should break up, but then next minute said should we keep going. Our relationship was nothing but amazing and never any problems or fighting. He is an over thinker and kept saying how do you know you’re the one and I want to travel but that would mean I have to marry you (religious beliefs). He said I’m his best friend and the best person he’s ever met and can’t imagine his life without me. But we sorted it out and then the next day I mentioned travelling and he went funny again, he said he didn’t want to hurt me and wasn’t sure what the right thing to do. He said he loved me and wanted to be with me. But he ended things because he said he didn’t want to hurt me in the future and wasn’t sure if he wanted to go traveling with me or by himself at the end of next year. I then received a message on the Monday night saying, “I’m so sorry for the pain I’ve put you through. I felt physically ill all day and can barely keep myself together. You are the most incredible person I’ve ever met. I know if I say anything more I’m not going to make much sense and add to the confusion. I’m so so sorry”. I wasn’t going to reply and give him space but someone messaged me so I replied with “Thanks for the apology! Doing it tough too, but it is what is and hope you have less confusion. I received a message from someone today and not sure what has been said. Could you please let me know what they have been told, so there is no added confusion?”. He then replied with “I know it’s been a killer week and I’m sorry I can’t offer any consolation. I’ve only spoken to two or three people about it and I said we’ve called it off… As much as I would love to say otherwise, I know it’s the right call at the moment. You’re the best person I’ve ever met, but I’m just in such a strange headspace and I’m just not stepping up to the mark. This is something I have to figure out for myself right now”.

    Just a back story, he is very traditional and always worried about the future and next step. He also mentioned that he wants to make sure that he doesn’t move too quickly and that in 10 years time he would still be in love with me, and even when he was old.

    I need some outside perspective on what his motives are and what you think he is doing? Whether he is out completely or not?

  14. Avatar


    May 30, 2019 at 12:23 am

    I came here to read what a normal break up is like compared to a narcissist breaking up with you.
    But the pictures helped me laugh for the first time in a long time. Thanks for that.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 30, 2019 at 10:20 pm

      I am glad Melissa you found some relief in the “pics”. One’s recovery is by far the most important part of my Program.

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    May 20, 2019 at 10:31 am

    Hey Chris, me and my ex partner split up in September last year, last time I saw him was December. Then out of the blue after 5 months of no contact he messaged me and we ended up going on a night out with his friend (I never met any of his friends when we were together). He told me he loved me but couldn’t comit to me and I never asked why (I was a bit drunk ). We had an amazing night together and he stayed with me that night. I love him and I know he is the one for me as I told him. I don’t know what to do now, my heads a mess . We weren’t together for long but we were such a good match, but he had baggage ( a psycho ex and 3 kids). He seems a lot less stressed with life now but I don’t know how to approach a conversation about us, or do I just leave it for him to contact me again, as I’m stubborn x

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    May 18, 2019 at 7:02 am

    My ex and I have been dating for one year, but due to some personal issues I had to break up with him, we had an on and off for a few times and he finally said he’s tired of the fighting – it’s a LDR, but we went through so much together. I still love him, and he wanted to be friends, however we started fighting again – and he thought I wasn’t interested, but I was.

    And he said I should take some space away, yet at the same time he told my friend he’s moved on. I do wanna get him back, but I don’t want him to be exhausted of the relationship. But we haven’t talked for weeks.

  17. Avatar


    May 15, 2019 at 1:08 pm

    Chris – I’m 47 and my my now ex boyfriend of 2 months is 38. We were together 8 months and things were good but between him getting out of a 7 year relationship and his crazy social media addiction I had some reservations but gave him a chance. I discovered questionable sexual fetishes on one of his accounts that was open and I brought up to him did he have any fetishes. He said no. A few days later I told him what I had found and he was not happy and he decided he wanted to break up with me and did so by phone while on duty as a police officer in his cruiser. We exchanged two text messages after his call that night and then another one by me that was heated to which he didn’t respond. In his text he said to me that this breakup was very hard for him but it had to be done. He said that he had lost trust in his partner and that he can’t be with someone he has lost trust in. I never gave him any reason to distrust me. No cheating nothing. If he felt betrayed by what i found he should have locked down his account on line. As an officer of the law especially! He then says “maybe its my fault for getting into a relationship too quickly” and I don’t want to string you along and put on a happy face. Mind you we were meeting his parents again for dinner that weekend and with one of his friends the following weekend. We had gone on a trip together etc. This wasn’t a FWB or casual relationship. He loved me. Two days later He gave me some of my things I had kept at his house back and left my house after I told him I still loved him. I sent him a text after he left to tell him my heart and my door were still open and he simply replied okay. Within an hour he had blocked me on Instagram and Facebook. I’m friendly with some of his co-workers so this is tough. He’s a police officer and former veteran so I know there is stress and anxiety and he hadn’t been feeling good about himself lately. I had No contact for a month and then I reached out on Easter Sunday asking him if we could open the lines of communication and try to reconnect and rekindle and to figure out why we both felt the way we did about the breakup now having a little time to stop and reflect. I left him with a memory of a compliment he had given me. Four hours later he responds with this ” There is not going to be any rekindiling or reconnecting.. you need to move on as I am doing.. please cease any further correspondence. I wish you the best, but without me.” I never responded. Its been another month. I know I’m older and I need to move on but this has been so painful with him cutting me out of his life Its such a telling message but I’m just curious what you make of it.I’m sad and I’m angry at how things have been left. He didn’t even want to try to talk through this. Insecure and cowardly come to mind. I’ve been through a divorce from years ago and went to counseling after and I had a bad breakup after 5 years. Remained single for four years before getting into a relationship with this person so coaching isn’t really an option. I know what to do and what not to do but I just want to know what you think of his message. Any chance he might still reach out? I’m trying to find a counselor in my area to just talk things out. You can only do so much with friends and family. Thanks so much.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 16, 2019 at 3:22 am

      Hi CK! So I think is always a good idea to get some good counseling as talking and exploring one’s innermost feelings can be a healthy exercise. Just getting help to find one’s emotional balance can be invaluable to gaining the perspective one needs to make good decisions. Your focus should be on “you” and your healing and continued growth as an individual.

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    May 5, 2019 at 2:32 pm

    My boyfriend broke up with me in February he said I was acting desperate and I begged. I discovered I was pregnant for him a day after the break up. He said I should remove it but my mum said I should contact the family which I did and I was shamed.
    I later got a medical abortion and sent sorry messages to his family elder brother and wife precisely.
    So I sent him a text later on that the baby is gone and he said I should stop texting him and that he knew I wanted to hold him, and that he don’t think the pregnancy was his.
    I have not contacted him since then and his friend came today to say Its being desperate that broke the relationship and his family member responded to my messages and even the brothers wife called to say she has no grudge against me.
    I love this guy sincerely despite the drama that ensued. I will want to get him back but I don’t know how possible it is
    And if it’s possible how can I go about it

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    April 29, 2019 at 7:38 am

    Hi chris my ex bf name is chris too.. and durying the break up said he wasnt happy anymore and lost feelings for me was nothing like the begining and want his space and be alone to move forward in his life…. what does that mean im so sad could i have a chance to get him back since its been few days only ?? What should i do please help !

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 29, 2019 at 9:05 pm

      Hey Chris….sometimes that is the best thing for both parties…each getting some space and time to heal and reflect and to strategically do things to reinforce your value. Best to take a look at my Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro eBook for some detailed help!

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    April 24, 2019 at 8:09 pm

    Me and my bf broke up after I ended it due to a very difficult situation. Anyways were still good, on speaking terms etc. He’s told me he’s really confused. He’s not sure how he feels about me even though he previously told me he loved me when we were together. When I ask him to explain he shuts down on me.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 25, 2019 at 12:24 am

      Hi Becky…so just keep taking things slow. Probably best to avoid relationship talk, rather focus on creating positive moments and memories and allow time to smooth out his confusion.

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