By Chris Seiter

Updated on June 10th, 2021

It happened. You never thought it would, but it did.

Your ex boyfriend reached out to you and he wants to meet up.

What does it mean? 

You’re excited, but also hesitant. He took your heart, threw it to the ground, stomped on it, and then took a sledgehammer to crush the remaining pieces to dust. Why would he want to meet up?

Well, there is the obvious – you have things you need to exchange, or other business that needs to be tied up. But what if that stuff has already been taken care of? Why would an ex want to meet up?

Let’s explore some possible reasons!

He misses you

Honestly, this is probably the most likely.

If your ex wants to meet up to “catch up” it’s likely that he has felt an emptiness in his life since you exited it, and simply wants to meet up to see you, talk with you, be with you.

You are in a prime position if this is the case. Missing you is the first step to getting him back.

I know how stressful the first meet up can be. I basically had a panic attack on the way to mine and had to do some breathing exercises with my head between my knees to keep myself from hyperventilating. The most important thing to remember is that you have the power. He asked to meet up with you, which means that you hold all the cards going into this meeting.

So go in there, and crush it.

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He wants to flaunt his new life without you

It’s a sad but true fact that there are winners and losers in break ups – or at least, that’s how both parties perceive it. The winner takes the breakup and uses it as a tool to make themselves and their life better. The loser is stuck in a rut, having a hard time moving on.

One of my favorite examples of this is in season 6 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

In As You Were, Buffy’s second boyfriend, Riley Finn, returns to Sunnydale on a mission and recruits Buffy. On the way to catch and kill the demon, they have the following exchange in the car:

Riley: I hear ya. Got some, uh, big stories to tell you, too, if we even get half a second.

Buffy: Did you die?

Riley: No.

Buffy: I’m gonna win.

Humorous, sure, but the point still stands that whoever accomplished the most or has the best story (like dying) over the course of the breakup automatically “wins” the breakup.

The person who does the dumping is usually in a better place to be the winner, because they saw the opportunity for change coming well in advance. The person who was blindsided by the breakup usually has a harder time recovering.

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It’s possible that your ex thinks that they are the winner of the breakup. Maybe they have a new woman they are dating (or maybe they got married, like Riley), maybe they got a new job, or lost a lot of weight/built up a lot of muscle.

This is why it is absolutely imperative that you utilize No Contact appropriately and are the best Ungettable Girl you can be at the time of the meet up. We’ll go into more detail on how to conduct yourself when you finally do meet up later in this article.

He is curious about you

This is kind of tied to the above, but also not. Sure, maybe he wants to compare where you are at, but maybe he also wants to know if you’re seeing anyone else.

My ex was certainly curious about that. He asked me about it point blank not even an hour into our first meet up. I was casual, said that I was “talking” to some people, but nothing serious. He seemed relieved to hear that. I did not ask the same question back to him, because Ungettable Girls don’t care who their ex boyfriend may or may not be seeing.

As much as a guy may want to breakup, he wants to know that it impacts you in some way. He wants to see evidence of the hole he left in your life. He may not want to be with you, but he wants to know that you want to be with him.

Human beings are messed up like that. We girls are guilty of it, too.

Okay, so it’s possible that your ex wants to meet up because they want the ego boost of seeing how desolate and alone you are, and how empty your life is without them.

So imagine the shock that they will have when you walk is looking absolutely amazing, and regale him with how fantastic your life without him is.

He will be stunned.

And your success will only succeed in making him want you more.

He wants to gauge how you feel about him

This is kinda-sorta related to the above points, but in a more serious way. It could be that your ex has realized what an idiot he is for letting a woman like you go, and wants to gauge where you are at in regards to your feelings about him.

This meeting could be a test run, of sorts, to see if the two of you mesh as well as you used to, to see if you’re seeing anyone new, and to gauge how interested you are in rekindling a relationship with him.

Now, there’s not really an easy way to tell if this is the case going in (unless he is super direct and says it – unlikely), and he’ll likely keep his cards close to his chest through the meeting. You may get subtle hints though: reminiscing about your past relationship, commenting on how good you look, and how well you’re doing, admitting and owning up to past mistakes are a couple of prime examples.

You can’t really know if this is his mindset going in, so the best thing to do is get into total Ungettable Girl mode and blow his mind with how fantastic you look, and how great your life is going.

Again, if he already wants you back, seeing how stunning and successful you are will only solidify his feelings that he made a mistake in letting you go.

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The meet up

Chris has a great article about what you should do when the time comes to meet up with your ex, and it is covered in detail in Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro, so I definitely recommend you check that out.

My advice, though, is to remain as collected and confident as possible through the meeting. Keep your emotions in check, and don’t let your ex know where your mind is at any time. Mystery is a wonderful tool that you can use, and it will drive you crazy.

I should mention that if you are in No Contact that you should absolutely, under no circumstances break it to meet up with your ex. Remember, the only reason that you should break No Contact is if he says the words “I want to get back together.” (Unless, of course, your situation falls into one of the “Limited No Contact” categories).

So it’s time to meet up. I would say that the main points to keep in mind fall under two umbrellas: Physical and Mental. These tips include a mix of what I’ve learned from Ex Boyfriend Recovery, advice from the facebook group, and my own personal insights.

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Physical tips for the meet up include:

  • Wear red – Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro mentions that red is a great attention-getting color. It exudes sex and confidence. Wearing red will draw all of the attention to you, and hopefully will also make you feel more confident.
  • Wear something flattering and that you feel good in – It is important that you feel confident going in. So if you’re not a dress girl, go with pants and a flattering top. Just be sure what you wear isn’t over the top. The key to successful jealousy is that it is subtle.
  • Smell great – Smell is the most powerful scent when it comes to memory. If there was a scent you wore when you were dating your ex that he liked a lot, be sure to spritz some of it on before leaving the house. He may not realize it, but when he smells it, positive memories related to the scent will come rushing back into his mind.
  • Good, confident posture – I have awful posture and it makes me look less confident than I am. Try to work on your posture before you enter the venue where you are meeting your ex, and remind yourself periodically thorough the meeting. I’ve found a good tool for this is to listen to some music that makes you feel powerful as you head to the meetup. I recommend “Red High Heels” – the lyrics “I’m about to show you just how missing me feels” put me in exactly the right, confident mindset for the meeting with my ex.
  • Don’t overdo the makeup or hair too much from what you would normally do – As stated above, successful jealousy is subtle. You don’t want him to know what you’re doing. You want your Ungettable Girl qualities to come off as absolutely effortless. If you tend to wear natural makeup, don’t go overboard for the meetup. You don’t want to look like a totally different person from the girl he dated – just a slightly improved version.


Mental/Emotional tips for the meet up include:

  • Confidence – Listen to music to help you get into the confident, Ungettable Girl mindset. It is very important that you come off as confident and collected. What breakup? Oh that? That’s old news – SO three weeks ago.
  • Don’t go overboard using the jealousy tool – It’s easy to slip into trying to make your ex jealous by talking about all the people you’re seeing and how in demand you are. Trust me, my ex falls into it every time we hang out, and it’s hilarious to watch the look on his face when I change the subject, totally unfazed. Subtle jealousy is okay, but don’t go overboard – remember, you’re just living your life for you, not to make him think or feel anything.
  • Keep your emotions in check – It’s possible that your ex may something that upsets you. If this happens, keep the smile plastered on your face and breathe steadily. He must not see you lose your cool. If the conversation starts going in a direction that you don’t want it to go in, or that upsets you, excuse yourself to the bathroom and when you come back, reset the conversations. It is also important to not drink too much, so that you have total control.
  • Keep the meeting short – The key to the first meet up is to leave him wanting more. Leave the meeting on a high note, and then bolt. If you leave him with positive emotions, he’ll be thinking of you nonstop and will want to set a date for another meeting sooner rather than later.
  • Know that he wants you – More than anything the key to a successful meet up is to have in the back of your head at all times that your ex is desperate for you. Ingrain in into your being so that it is not even a question. Write out a mantra for yourself and repeat it in your head whenever you feel your confidence waver.

My final tip is this: After every meet up with my ex, I write down all the details I can remember as soon as I leave (which I then post to the private support group for my friend’s opinions). Writing down the details when they are fresh help, because then you can go back and dissect the behavior of both you and your ex, and get a sense of where his mind is.

“You are a hell of a woman”

Ultimately, it doesn’t matter why your ex boyfriend wants to meet up with you, what matters is what you do once you get there. His reasons likely are one of the above, if not a mixture. If you’ve implemented No Contact correctly, and are feeling like the best Ungettable Girl you can be, go for the meetup, and blow him away with your accomplishments.

In the same episode of Buffy, after killing the demon, Riley and Buffy are discussing where she is at in her life and how she is unhappy with it (to be fair, the girl just came back from the dead – give her a break).

And Riley says to her something to her that is true about life and breakups, and it’s exactly the right mentality to have when considering meeting up with your ex:

“And so you’re not in the greatest place right now […] The wheel never stops turning, Buffy. You’re up, you’re down… It doesn’t change what you are. You are a hell of a woman.”

Know it. Live it. Be it.

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63 thoughts on “Why Would An Ex Boyfriend Want To Meet Up?”

  1. Ana

    March 3, 2022 at 4:26 pm

    I have had a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 3 years I moved in with him and his family after a year my living situation hasn’t always been the best since my mother lives out of the country and my father is in nursing care I suffer from an anxiety disorder and depression and take medicine for it unfortunately I have been straining my relationship with my depression without realizing it I have been depressed and isolating myself constant arguments were being made this past month I was very irritable without knowing why but one thing for sure is I still pictured my life with him and love him but a few days ago things ended they did not end bad he ended it I tried talking to him about wanting to continue not wanting to give up on us or him giving up on me he said that he still loves me but that he is uncomfortable in continuing the relationship because I had an overdose a few months ago and he told me he never was able to move on from what happened that he is still hurt before breaking up he tried breaking up with me at the beginning of February but we talked it out I wanted to keep trying and I still do but I know he needs time and so do I and only time will tell I guess I am just confused because he gave me flowers on the 14 of February and we had intimacy last week and from one week to another for it to just be all done is complete utter shock I am on day 3 and I am doing a lot better then before although it still hurts and my appetite is poor along with my health at the moment I decided to go back home in Mexico since I have not much of an option to stay here in CA and try to get better these next months even though I know it won’t be easy. I will have to see him again after a feed months because some of my belongings will be left at his place because I have nowhere to take them so I will have to pick them up sooner or later or just forget about them I know we both made mistakes and I wish I could’ve seen them sooner because this hurts so bad especially because it’s my first relationship and we’ve been through so much together but I know the right thing for both of us to heal is to let it go but I am just nervous about having to see him in the future.

  2. Daisy

    February 28, 2022 at 9:20 pm

    Things escalated after i told my ex i was pregnant. He knew for weeks but had been avoiding discussing it. He wanted me to get an abortion. In the heat of a random argument he admitted he didn’t want to date anymore. I attempted the No contact rule but my emotions only let me make it to 2 weeks. I texted him a long message stating i am almost out of patience and that i need to know where he stands with the babies future (I’m having twins) and with me. i told him i missed him and i want to try to make things work. I told him i would try my best to be patient if he still didn’t have an answer but that i have been very lonely without his support and need him to know that despite everything we’ve fought about in the past, my door is still open. He replied the next day with “I’ll be back in town in a couple days then we can get dinner and talk.” What does this mean? It’s killing me to know what this means?! How do i prepare for this?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 1, 2022 at 10:44 pm

      Hey Daisy, so it sounds as if he wants to meet and discuss the babies, possibly the relationship. However, I would suggest when you go to dinner you let him do most of the talking, assess what he has to say before replying and be sure that you control your emotions as best you can. Even if he doesn’t come back you’ve got much better on their way to you real soon, if he chooses not to be involved in the babies lives, that is his loss.

  3. Yemmi

    July 7, 2021 at 5:21 am

    Hello, I stumbled across the article and couldn’t help but indulge in it. I had an ex I was a junior in high school and he a senior, he was in the military and we had a big talk in the beginning of our relationship before he left. The conversation consisted of me staying loyal to him while he left for his basic training which was 6 months in total. And me being gullible at that time I agreed and stuck by his side and supported him in every move and decision he made. At one point I had thought he was the other half I was searching for. And sadly the day we picked him up from the airport he was a completely different guy didn’t even acknowledge my presence. Long story short we broke up after two weeks of him being back. After that I broke all contact with him, I basically went ghost and disappeared. Freshly out of high school and not over the breakup I joined the Navy and successfully graduated college with a Nursing Degree, I was proud of myself and finally over him, I traveled the world and met new men almost everyday my options to meet new people are and still endless as I decided to stay single after that breakup. A couple weeks ago, recently this year, he messaged me. “Hey, how are you?” I was utterly shocked and amused… a pint of bitterness resurfaced but I decided to play coy and pretending as if I didn’t remember his number. To which I knew hurt his feelings, though I did eventually end the act and spoke cordially with him I kept it short and sweet. Every time we texted through these current weeks I let him be the one to text me. I never initiated an conversation. I stay unavailable to him. Yet he seems to chase. And today behold, he asks me on an outing to the movies. To which I said, “If I’m not too busy I might make time out of my day for it.” Was it ok that I did this? Or treated him this way? I honestly still hold love for him but a relationship with him again seems foreign.

  4. Victoria

    January 7, 2021 at 6:25 am

    My ex and I have been reestablishing communications, And in one of the conversations I mentioned; I needed to pick up something from the store that was out of town. (the town is closer to him). He said “he could pick it up for you” I said “that would be helpful”. ( I thought he was being polite) That was a few days ago. tonight he called telling me he picked it up. (We didn’t Confirm details, but with the little information I give him in the previous conversation he figured out what I needed.) He called me tonight to figure out when is the best time to together, so he can give me my stuff. He suggested we grab a late lunch/dinner and drinks on Friday. On the conversation he casually mentioned that he still talks about me to his friends. Been following read almost all your articles on “how to get you ex back” am I on the right path, is this a good sign?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 21, 2021 at 3:16 pm

      Hi Victoria, yes it sounds as if you are making the right moves. Be sure that you follow the advice given not just reading them.

  5. Auty

    September 6, 2020 at 5:49 am

    This was a freakin kick ass article! Better advice than any I’ve read omg.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 6, 2020 at 10:51 am

      Thanks for your feedback Auty! Ill make sure Chris knows!

  6. Chelsy Rodriguez

    June 3, 2020 at 10:12 pm

    Hi, so I had recently met up with my ex. Not sure if I do consider him my ex since we dated in middle school and didn’t last that long. He was my very first boyfriend and of course, he was my first kiss. However for the past 8 years we or should I say he was always the one that somehow kept in contact with me. Once every few months or possibly a year or so he would call me randomly. I never thought I would have that one ex that still reached out to me to this day since we were kids regardless that we had both moved on and been with other people. I also have 0% trust in him because of his actions, and he’s been very aware of the fact that I lost trust in him and how hurt I am from the things he’s done because at one point we were planning on starting over a few years back. Before the meetup, he did admit that he’s “changed” and wants us to officially start over again. And it has also come across my mind that he also mentioned “I never left I’m still here..” due to keeping in contact. After all the blocking and changing my number he still manages to come back which I know sounds crazy. After the meetup, it sounds crazy to say that I had a fun time despite whatever happened between us. But again I’m very aware of his actions and behavior and I don’t want to make a mistake of being with someone who has truly hurt my feelings. I try to think positively about this situation because I have an older sister who has been through the same thing with her boyfriend back when they dated in high school. They had got back together in 2013 because he’s changed and she was able to build that trust with him and they’ve been together for almost 7 years. I’ve seen them both mature and been loyal to each other and all the ups and downs they’ve been through at the beginning of their relationship. I thought to myself that if my sister got back with her ex after so many things they went through in their teenage years and were able to commit to a long term relationship, then I guess I should say that it’s possible to regain that trust with my ex again. I don’t want to get my hopes up but all I need is a sign.

  7. Kathy

    February 22, 2020 at 6:59 pm

    My ex wants to see me next weekend. He said I understand if you don’t want to talk to me my life is extremely hectic right now. ( reason why things ended was he got a new job and it got him so stressed things fizzled out )
    But I’d really like the chance to see you.
    I said yes ok. He said I’ll drive down and book a hotel he said not for sex nothing like that just because my eyes I’m not allowed to drive in Dark at all now. I said I understand. ( he has a eye condition which I know about before we even got together he straight away told me about it and wanted me to be aware of it )

    What would you suggest I do here? I feel like some things need to be said though? But Is a bar the right place to do so?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 2, 2020 at 9:46 pm

      Hi Kathy, so meeting up and chatting is not ERP process so I would not recommend meeting him so soon if you want to get him back, have you completed a No Contact yet?

  8. Amy

    November 2, 2019 at 5:15 pm

    Hi Chris,

    I recently met my ex. I could see during our meetup that he still has feelings for me. He kind of held my hand, put his arms around my shoulder etc. However he never brought up the topic of getting back together. Also before we met up he mentioned he was excited to see me and the whole meetup had a very intimate feeling to it.

    But I am scared I made a mistake of staying for long because things got emotional and he was apologising about everything. He said he regretted things (idk if it means he regrets the breakup or the way it happened). He said he had been feeling lost in life for the last year or so and kinda made a selfish decision of cutting off everything and just be by himself. I was surprised that he reflected so much on our relationship and apologised for every single things me and my gfs had identified as a problem.

    However, since then we haven’t been in contact and I am wondering what is going on here? Why would he want to see me, invest so much in addressing every issue in the relationship and then when things feel resolved not want it back. I really want him back coz he is a very nice person and I have never seen some man be so introspective and ready to work on himself.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 9, 2019 at 1:02 am

      Hi Amy, so he could have been looking to try to clear the air for his own guilt. And now he is thinking that you and he are good. So you need to attempt to reach out to him as a friend first and build it up slowly through texting

  9. Angelique

    May 31, 2019 at 11:57 am

    Hi Amor,
    I’ve been in a 4year relationship, it has been almost 9 months since our break up, yes ive applied the no contact rule for 3 months, he wanted me to unblock him, I have… His then wanted me to go into a group chat, and included me in that… Then I decide to leave the group.

    At the tine I got fed up with him and said i am not gana stay friends, its harder to be friends with and ex….

    So after that, he told me I should still keep him blocked…. I did… Lol…
    And he decided to send me sexual clips and images….
    And I hardly replied back..
    Then I decided to get stressed coz yes
    i love him, I want him back…

    So I send one say image of me but not everything, I made him miss being with me, and its like I throw the battery and literally teaze his leave him wanting more.. As you said less is more…

    Hahahaha, is this good news? Amor?
    He sent me this: Doesnt mean we gonna have sex when we see each other. Would have just went for a burger or something and go home. Just to visit a little. . Catch up and such. Days go by so quick. Im missing out with some many people.

    I replied and said a Burger would be great…
    The thing is he has been looking at my status and I see like yesterday I hardly msgd him, and I see he sent me an image of a women tied up in string Why dies that mean???

    And today I’ve heard nothing from him again BT he has mentioned to me he would like to take me out as soon as his shop opens….

    I see his just added now on his status that his ga na open his shop soon..

    So where do I actually stand with my ex..

    Please help me.. Thanks

  10. Shosh

    May 31, 2019 at 1:21 am

    Me and this guy were talking for nearly a year. It was extreme long distance, I live in the US and he lives in Asia (we met while I was on vacation). Finally hit a point where it wasn’t moving forward and he ended it. It was never a lack of feelings but rather a lack of living in the same city or even sort of close to one another. After 10 months of no talking I caved and reached out to him to talk. He agreed to talk and while it felt like we picked up where he left off, he did mention he was seeing someone but that it’s long distance and he’s in no rush to settle down. Near the end of the convo he said he might by in my city over the summer and we should meet up. The conversation ended with him telling me I look great and it was great catching up. What is he trying to do here?

  11. Gina

    March 24, 2019 at 11:37 pm


    My bf and I broke up 5 months ago , he lost his job and after that he fell into depression. He told me he wasn’t happy he wouldn’t be able to make me happy . sinve the brake up he still texts me so ask how I am at first I didn’t answer but then I would answer once in a while since the brake up we met up 3 times first time was a month after brake up and I had a lot of anger and hurt in me and it wasn’t a good meet up. Then 2 month after we met up again he asked to meet up but he said he missed me and he just wanted to know how I was. But that he was still not in a good place. 3rd meet up was last night 3months after the last meet up. I wasn’t answering his tex messages I was already at a point that I was tired of this emotional roller coaster then he asked if he can call me? Which was weird since it was always behind a text . So I agreed to answer the phone he asked me out to dinner this time around he came it seem he was in a better place after dinner he still wanted to hang out we ended up having a few cocktails . But we didn’t talk about us it was about what we were both doing now and stuff. I don’t know what to think about this anymore I’m losing hope. Do you think he wants to come back? Or he is just bored. Should I just move on? He still doesn’t have a job by the way. Please help!!

    1. Chris Seiter

      March 25, 2019 at 11:30 pm

      Hi Gina! Well, perhaps you should employ the “Being There” method and continue to strive to have these positive encounters – thinking in terms of small steps…little moves. Sometimes by not trying to hash out all of the details and complexities of the relationship “future”, it helps in creating more positive traction and memories. You bank enough of these, it usually moves things in the right direction. I hope you are utilizing my Program!

  12. LuLu

    December 20, 2018 at 2:19 am

    So myself and my ex boyfriend have grown up together since the age of 3 (now both 31) and our families know each other. We naturally progressed to a romantic relationship from the age of 16 -18 and gradually drifted apart, he moved away and I moved on after a while, we had a whole 5 years of no direct contact, only the odd exchange of best wishes via our families and mutual friends. In that 5 years I’d had 2 children and got married, the ex moved back and we rebuilt our old friendship (Not romantic relationship), fast forward 2 more years and he is single after another short relationship and myself and my husband have separated. Cue the 1st reunion with the ex in a romantic sense. This romantic relationship lasted for 8 months this time before we decided we worked better as friends. We remained friends, he met someone a couple of months later and myself and my husband g or back together and a year later had our third child together.
    Now myself and the ex have stayed friends again, last Summer my husband was working away and cheated on me, we separated for good so I met the ex as a friend to talk through my woes and we ended up back together romantically again for 4 months this time before he decided to get back with a different ex of his (I found out via social media, he didn’t even tell me himself) and he moved away again.

    So now I’m single (through choice) and he isn’t technically although he has moved back to our home city very recently because he was having issues with his girlfriend and didn’t want to continue living with her in the hopes they could work through things. However, he has been back home for almost a month and he says he no longer feels like he wants to resolve things with her because his heart isn’t in it so he ended it with her.
    We have met up twice as friends, just drinks and catching up but the third time which was only last week he kissed me.
    I’d been on a few dates with another guy and said that I liked him enough to go on a 4th date and see how it goes and he just kissed me out of nowhere.
    It felt right so I returned the kiss. After the kiss he pulled his head back but kept his hand cupping my face with his other hand in my hair and just stared into my eyes and smiled. From there he moved close to me so he was sat next to me in the club we were in and draped his arm over my shoulders and said “I have to say you have always looked awesome but you look amazing tonight babe”.
    He hasn’t called me babe since we were teenagers for one thing.
    As the night wore on we danced, laughed and drank a bit more and we ended up making out and heading back to his place. We didn’t have any kind of physical intimacy other than making out and he kept stroking my hair or my face and smiling at me looking into my eyes, he pulled me into his arms and we fell into a comfortable sleep spooning with him holding me all night.

    Since then he has contacted me mostly via text message at least once a day and just a few hours ago he asked if I would be up for meeting tomorrow night for food/ drinks or whatever I want to do.
    Now I would like to see him again but I haven’t given him an answer as yet as I said I need to sleep for work in the morning and I’d message him on my lunch break.

    I’m just really confused as he hasn’t called me babe for a long time. He is sweet and sensitive if he truly knows someone on a deeper level so I know his compliments aren’t meaningless. And as we didn’t end up being completely physically intimate I don’t think it is just about the sex either. But does he necessarily want to give things another go?
    I feel like no matter what we always end up gravitating back to each other in a romantic sense but from our history I’m fed up of the yo-yoing of back together, then break up, friends, then back together.
    Should I just talk to him about it or just be casual and see how things go if we meet up in person again?

    1. Chris Seiter

      December 20, 2018 at 2:42 am

      Hi Lulu….I know its frustrating…this yo yo effect. Yeah….I would think in terms of little steps for now, avoiding any deep relationship talk. You will have a better sense of how things are once you meet up

  13. MaryAll

    July 31, 2018 at 12:58 am

    Hello 🙂 So, my (ex) bf broke up with me 3 months ago (it was a really bad break up) and he disappeared until last week when he texted me to wish me a happy birthday and tell me how much he cares about me. The next day he texted me to give me my stuff back, and last wednesday i went to his place to gather all of it. He kept telling me how great i looked and staring at me, and then he invited me in for some coffee, but i declined and told him maybe some other time, and he agreed. When i got home i found a letter hidden in one of the things he gave me back, telling me how much he cared (and will always care) about me, how he will never forget every wonderful memory of us, saying how sorry he was for not being there for me and because he didnt listen as much as he should have, etc. This was last week, and i still have not heard from him, inviting me to meet up for that coffee or something. I’m not sure if that letter was a goodbye letter or if he wants something more. Shouldn’t he have texted me already? Thanks!

    1. Chris Seiter

      July 31, 2018 at 1:03 am

      Hi MaryAll!

      Sorry you had a bad breakup. I know those can be really rough, but its a good development he offered birthday wishes. I suspect he has some guilt and mixed feelings going on here. My advice is to consider going into no contact and doing all the other things that can optimize your chances. Way too much to discuss here, but go to my website home page and read up about all the resources available to you!

  14. Sarah

    April 24, 2018 at 12:03 pm

    So my ex bf invited my to a famlily gathering and I ended up being with him the whole weekend because he wanted me to. We did all the things we were used to do together when we were in a relationship, it was like he forgot we were broken up, we were cuddling, kissing and playing videogames and watching movies, he started it though- I had to leave so he drove me home and before I got out of the car I asked “what are we now?” And he answered “I don’t know I was exactly gonna ask the same, shouldn’t we talk about it when we have more time?” I said yes but I dont have a clue if that talk will be a good thing or not..he said lets meet up and talk about it next weekend.. its a week. Why a week and is that talk gonna be about us getting back together or what, its 2 days since and he hasn’t talked to me or send me anything on social media, me niether ofc..I have no clue and can’t stop thinking about all of this, i’m overthinking as hell. Do you think its a good thing?

    1. Chris Seiter

      April 24, 2018 at 3:01 pm

      Hi Sarah. Yes, I agree, putting a 1 week timeline on it is mechanical and unnatural. Try reaching out in another day or two to test the waters. If he puts you off, then perhaps you should pick up a copy of my ebook, Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro (website menu/Products link) as it deals with break ups and how to optimize your chances. Let me know how things proceed, Sarah!

  15. alison

    February 7, 2018 at 8:38 pm

    i had recently said to my boyfriend that i was getting kind of bored, two days later he saw messages of me talking to another guy. this guy was completely random, he just messaged me on instagram and said whenre you coming to visit me at school, i literally only answered because i was bored, i said never i live in ny come to ny, he said im playing ball there in a month come watch and i said thats like two hours from me, he said something else and i never answered then i deleted the conversation because i knew i shouldnt of had it (i didnt really think anything of it because i knew this guy lived far and id never actually meet up with him, which was wrong of me because i shouldnt of had the conversation period but anyways. the night after i asked my ex to talk in person and he said he thought it was a good idea for closure, but i didnt want that, i wanted to get back together. i ended up balling my eyes out and begging for him back for like three hours. (terrible i know) he said i was getting bored and the messages, he just felt like i was going to cheat and he didnt want to end like that. (id never cheat) he basically said wed never get back together. its been five days since that and i asked him to meet up thursday which he agreed to. i wanted to give him a genuine apology but i also wanted to bring up getting back together somehow. i also figured that because i begged his the other day and he had to go through that, that if he was really over it he wouldnt of agreed to meet up with me. im also assuming he has to kind of know that i want to meet up has something to do with me wanting to get back together right? i just want someones opinion on the whole thing.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 9, 2018 at 11:23 am


      Have you met by now? If no, just look your best and don’t beg for him back.. You can apologize and ask if you can get back together but do it with dignity. If he doesn’t want to , tell him you understand and then follow the advice on this one:
      This Is How To Make Him Trust You Again

  16. W

    December 14, 2017 at 5:20 pm

    Hi Amor, does it mean that he might move on when im doing NC ? How can i see that have he move on or not ? He did double text me on week 1 of NC . I tried NC once before too and he also text me during the week 2 of NC and i broke it and went out with him. But this time i did not break it and reply him .

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 15, 2017 at 5:00 pm

      honestly, he wouldn’t have broken up or distanced himself from you in the first place if he didn’t fall out of love from you.. so, since the start he is moving on.. keeping in contact with you more likely just means he’s doing it because that’s what he’s used to do.. If he really wanted to get back with you, he had already done it.

  17. w

    December 12, 2017 at 3:30 pm

    Hi Amor, am not sure that have he moved on … he hasnt tripple text me anymore since the time he double text me asking why did i ignore him. Not sure am i moving on too …. maybe just making myself happier and becoming an ungettable girl so that i’ll be more attractive. Is it still possible to get back an ex who had move on ? Or no …

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 14, 2017 at 1:58 pm

      It’s possible but it’s a small chance

  18. W

    December 9, 2017 at 10:41 am

    Hi amor , i really feel like replying him 🙁 can i reply him alil and disappear again ? Haih . The no contact rule is really killing me , but it doesnt seem like it’s killing him also . I go on trips with my family , i post pictures of me going out happily with my friends . It really hurts seeing him happy , im happy nowadays too but whenever i see his snapchats , whether is he doing something new or what i’ll still get upset.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 12, 2017 at 1:58 am

      you know what’s going to help you more, especially, with what you’re saying, you also know he has moved on.. the question is, is it starting to look like you are too, or you’re still chasing him?

  19. W

    December 5, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    Hi Amor, but im the one who broke up with him …. 🙁 But kinda true i guess, from all those pleading and ‘being there’ throughout the whole after breakup time, he still dont wanna commit, and i felt myself so unattractive for chasing, guess i would only reply him only when i know i can not chase after him and fish him … hmm

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 5, 2017 at 8:51 pm

      yup.. chasing lessens your chances… even if you’re the one who broke up with him, if he didn’t get back with you when the opportunity lets it, it doesn’t matter who broke up with how.. bottom line is, he didn’t get back with you..

  20. W

    December 3, 2017 at 3:55 pm

    Hi Amor, what if i continue to ignore him and he felt like he alr double text me and i still ignore and felt like im not worth it? So he gave up on me hmm

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 5, 2017 at 1:50 am

      Frankly, if he didn’t want to give up, he wouldn’t have broken up with you in the first place.. We earn the good things we have.. if you want a guy to treat you with respect, you have to make him earn your respect.. If you have let him be friends with you easily after hurting, that shows you’re ok with him disregarding how you feel

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