By Chris Seiter

Updated on February 2nd, 2021

When Chris asked me to write this article, I must admit I was totally stumped.

I never really gave too much thought as to why an ex would want to remain friends with me. Have you?

I mean, I’ve had some pretty bad dates, break ups, and yes, even hook ups. After each one ended I would tell myself,

“You’ll never hear from this person again. Time to move on.”

And EVERY time 6 months, a year, even 5 years later each one of these guys has popped back into my life, usually when I’m on my A game. I usually tell my girlfriends when this happens and we have a good laugh…but there are a few of my exes who have come back into my life and stuck around.I’ll get into two scenarios that I’m currently dealing with later on in this article. I really wanted to write this piece with all of the information that I could gather to help not only you gain some insight into why your ex wants to be your friend.

I’ll get into two scenarios that I’m currently dealing with later on in this article.I really wanted to write this piece with all of the information that I could gather to help not only you gain some insight into why your

I really wanted to write this piece with all of the information that I could gather to help not only you gain some insight into why your exboyfriend would want to be friends with you but to also learn something new myself.

After googling, a Facebook poll, and even going as far as picking the brain of one of my exes (who also happens to be one of my closest friends) this is what I gathered for you ladies! In this article, I’m going to cover the negative, the positive, and share a few personal examples with you as to why your ex may want to be friends with you. Let’s start with the bad news….

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Negative Motivation

  • Loneliness
  • Boredom
  • Sex
  • Money
  • Control

We’ll dig into those a little more in a minute, but before you start panicking let’s get to the GOOD news!

Positive Motivation

  • He still has feelings for you (He’s Using The “Being There” method)
  • Mutual Support
  • He Trusts You
  • Children and shared resources
  • To minimize drama between you or your social circle
  • Your relationship was built on a solid friendship

Diving Into the Downside

First, let’s talk about the negative reasons an ex would want to be friends with you.

A couple of factors go into this. It all depends on the type of person your ex is. Luckily we have someone who is an expert on your ex! You!

I’m going to go over a few personal examples that cover each of these reasons.

He’s Lonely

The first one I’d like to go over is loneliness. We all go through times where we feel like we have no one to turn to or who understands us. Sometimes it just boils down to missing a person that fills that void in your heart.

More often than not…especially when I’m fresh out of a break up I want to reach out to a person who I know completely gets me. Accepts the good, the bad, and the ugly. That person….errrh. Just happens to be one of my ex boyfriends.

Now, before you start jumping to conclusions, I want to clarify that “N” and I have come a loooooong way. And it took a lot of time to get to where we are at today.

You see, if I would reach out to one of my girlfriends post heartbreak they would just say,

“He’s an a**hole, you deserve so much better.”

And as kind as those words are, they aren’t really helpful. Where as with “N” he tells me the truth, even if it’s going to hurt my feelings, but you see, this helps me grow and avoid making crucial mistakes or being able to see red flags before I become too invested. He helps me see things from the guy’s point of view and that can be REALLY handy!

Now, “N” and I didn’t speak for years after we dated. We never texted each other with “I miss you” or any of that.

If your ex is reaching out saying, “I miss you”, sure, that could mean he misses you. But it could just boil down to the fact that he doesn’t like being alone.

I think it’s difficult sometimes for a guy to talk to family or his friends about how he is feeling. Especially after a breakup, so if some time has gone by he may turn to you. Now, this may not always be a negative reason, but I would be careful. If he is just texting you when it’s convenient for him and then can’t return a text if you reach out… chances are he’s either lonely or bored. And you don’t need to deal with that!

He’s Using You

The next reason and probably the worst reason an ex would want to remain friends with you is that you can do something for him, like sex or monetary support.

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Again, I’m going to give you an example. We are going to call these folks “Amber” and “Dave”. Now, Amber has a successful career and makes quite a lot of money. She starts dating Dave…who doesn’t have a steady job or lacks the motivation to hold a steady job.

Amber and Dave date for awhile and then they break up…..but it doesn’t take long for Dave to pop back into Amber’s life. Amber starts to think,

“Wow! Maybe there’s a chance that we can work things out!”

But Dave has another motive. Dave recently left one of the many jobs he bounces back and forth from. He doesn’t want Amber, he wants money. He remembers the expensive gaming system Amber bought him for Christmas and the Range Rover that she drives. So, Dave comes crawling back, extending an olive branch in the hopes that Amber will be once again his personal ATM. If you are going through a similar situation whether it be money, sex, or something else. I suggest you reflect on it on your own and then cut off all contact with this guy!

He Needs To Feel In Control

The final negative reason your ex may want to be friends with you is control. I want to tell you about my friend “Becky”. Becky was dating this guy “Pete” for over a year. Pete made some major mistakes throughout the time he was with Becky and really broke her trust.

They were off and on for awhile, but Becky finally ended things in March. She did the right thing and cut off contact with him after I told her all about NO CONTACT.

Sure enough, Pete came crawling back apologizing for how he treated her. He basically admitted that he was the biggest idiot ever during the relationship and suggested that, hopefully, they could start with a clean slate and try to be friends.

So, Becky decided to give it a try.

Can you guess what Pete did?

He started to ghost her. He ignored her texts. He started to play the blocking and unblocking game. He even ignored her in public sometimes.

So, I told Becky to give No Contact a second try. And sure enough, he started texted her again.

From an outside perspective, it seemed to me that Pete was gunning for complete control over where the two of them stood.

Becky found herself in a Catch 22.

I know how much she cared for Pete and I am really silently cheering them on!

However, it is mo0re realistic to hope that Becky can take that level of love that she had for Pete and turn it inwards and learn to love herself with that same intensity. She really deserves the best. And at least she had the control on that front.

There is Still an Upside

I know the negatives can scare even the bravest person into not wanting to pursue getting their ex back… but the chances that your ex might have some decent reasons for wanting to be your friend is enough to keep me going! How about you?

So, let’s move on to discuss the positive motivation that might be driving your ex!

Luckily, the good outweighs the bad here! There are several more positive reasons why your ex would want to be friends with you!

I can hear your sighs of relief from here!

Again, several factors go along with these reasons. Such as how long you both were together, how badly things went when it ended, and I think communication also plays a huge role in this.

He’s Still Into You

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The first reason…and probably the one you’re crossing your fingers for is that your ex still feels a connection to you and hopefully still has feelings for you.

Reading ExBoyfriend Recovery Pro and being in the private Facebook group, I’ve seen a ton of success with “The Being There Method.”

This method basically boils down to you being a friend to your ex so that ultimately you can work on getting back together. Really, you should purchase EBR, because I don’t intend to give away too many secrets! This article would be WAY too long if I did that.

Your ex very well could be using this exact tactic without even realizing it. He wants to be friends with you to see where he stands in your life and the probability of getting you back! Slow and steady wins the race.

I’m going to combine three of the reasons next. Support, trust, and a strong friendship go hand in hand. I don’t want to keep throwing “N” under the bus, but he agreed that I can divulge anything about our past relationship and current bestie status.

Me and “N” always had a strong and solid friendship during our relationship. I knew I could turn to him and vice versa even if we were fighting.

Two years ago, he went down a dark path. His career and personal life fell apart. I was getting ready for work and my phone rang. As soon as I heard his voice, I knew who was calling.

“You were right. I messed everything up.”

My first impulse was to hang up the phone and cry. Instead, I took a deep breath and remembered the exact thing I said to “N” when he broke up with me 5 years prior.

“I’ll always love you and I’ll always be here.”

And I meant what I said. I can’t and I won’t ever turn my back on him. The love I had for him has definitely transformed into more of platonic sort of “love you like I’d love puppy” kind of love.

I mean who doesn’t love puppies?!

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Mutual Support, Respect, and Trust

This leads into my next point. And that is that at the end of the day we both know that we can turn to each other. It makes me wonder if we ever really were in love or maybe that love just took on a different form. One thing is for sure though, we ALWAYS turn to each other for relationship advice. Turns out it’s really nice to have a male perspective on things! They say, “time heals all wounds” and I can attest to that.

When he dumped me, he completely broke my trust. Married the girl he cheated on me with. And in time, five years give or take, (I didn’t say this happened over night!) I completely trust him again and consider him to be one of my best friends.

Shared Investments and Keeping the Peace

Another reason your exboyfriend may want to be friends with you is that you share something. Whether it be property, a pet, social circle, or most definitively children, your ex may want to keep the peace and stay friendly for those reasons. The less drama the better for everyone involved. Communication is fundamental when these are the reasons. The more positive and conducive the communication was between the two of you during the relationship and afterward may have created a solid foundation for him to consider being friends with you.

Use this Information

I hope after reading this article you will gain some clarity if you find yourself in any of these scenarios. Doing the research for this article really opened up my eyes and has given me a new perspective on friendships and relationships in general. And now, I hope I have the tools to shed some light on why my ex “Z” contacted me!

Good luck ladies! Feel free to leave any thoughts or questions in the comment below! We always love to hear from you!

(This article was written by Lyndsey Houser)

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50 thoughts on “Why Does My Ex Boyfriend Want to Be Friends With Me?”

  1. Kate

    January 25, 2022 at 9:19 pm

    My boyfriend dumped me after 4 years for a younger woman. He has said he still loves me but in a different way to the OW .
    He came home the other night and said Can we be friends . Using the NCR I just said I don’t want to talk about that now. He sat next to me and touched my arm. I asked him not to..
    Are these good signs?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 29, 2022 at 10:20 pm

      Hey Kate, I would say that he is looking for some sort of validation from you that you are not hurt and that he has no reason to feel guilty for leaving you. I suggest you look into the limited no contact where you would only speak to him about your shared responsibilities when he reaches out to you about them. Do not allow him to touch, hold or be intimate with you. Right now he needs to feel that he has lost you from his own actions avoid spending time with him and be sure that you appear happy and make an effort to look good when leaving the house without telling him where you are going. Make him worry that you have started dating or moving on with your life.

  2. Anna

    September 10, 2021 at 4:57 am

    I think my ex wants to be friends to alleviate his guilt over dumping me. It’s annoying cause I feel really betrayed. Not a great foundation for a friendship.

  3. Beba

    January 18, 2021 at 4:15 pm

    Hello! I did the NC period of 21 and he consistently reached out the past week up until sat where I then initiated. Convo went well into later in the night where it was casual. Then on Sunday there was nothing and I bit the bullet and reached out. He was pretty cold after being mostly hot throughout the week, and I know being hot and cold is part of the process but I tried ending the convo regardless and he then said he wanted to be friends. I reacted well and said I was glad as he said before NC he didn’t have friends who are women so I know I can implement the being there method if necessary (I’m sure he may be talking to someone) but I want to know what the next step is. Still working on being UG and that’s going well but also wanna connect more. He hasn’t replied again but considering I ended the convo lightly and positively, he probably will later or tomorrow. How can I make this work for me more?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 18, 2021 at 5:11 pm

      Hi Beba, so it sounds as if things are going well but be sure that you do not become his “friend” if he is single, you want to get the push and pull theory into this if he is single. The being there method is only if he 100% meets someone new.

  4. thanusri

    December 27, 2020 at 2:02 pm

    so me and my ex initially have been friends for 3 years . Then fell into a commited relationship for 2 years .. he never actually said that he is breaking up with me . he always tells he likes me .. but he doesn’t want to be in a relationship . i did no contact thing for 2 months . then he reached out to me and said that he misses me but that he doesn’t want love . he convinced me that he is not going to fall in love with any other girl and that he likes me but all he hates it the commitment thing. we are talking as friends right now. being there for each other . he tells that he trusts me the most , comfortable with me the most . we are completely vibe as frinds . but i still madly love him . he on the other hand doesn’t even want relationship.

  5. Hellan

    July 28, 2020 at 4:41 pm

    Hi my ex boyfriend broke up with
    Me after 6 years everything was going good up until he ended it he said he loves me so much but isn’t in love with me and sees me as a friend I
    Told him I would walk away if he truly means that and not Speak to him again he began to Cry and say that kills him when I say that we agreed to have space For a Few week and he said To Me I can ring Him and text him when ever I want I’m just so confused I don’t think he knows what he wants we meet up after a week to talk to it was still raw and he said he still feels the same like he doesn’t want to kiss me but hasn’t brought my stuff back

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 2, 2020 at 4:04 pm

      Hi Hellan, sometimes relationships become stale and often they think that they “dont love you that way” anymore because things have become predictable and boring. Follow the No Contact rule and work on being ungettable ignoring your ex for at least 30days

  6. Kris

    July 6, 2020 at 5:14 am

    We broke up because I found out that he’s married with 3 children. After 14 years he contacted me and offered a friendship (he is still married plus at his excellent career status. I’m single and apparently still having deep feelings for him when I thought I left all in the past).

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 6, 2020 at 6:04 pm

      Hi Kris, I suggest if he is still married that you decline his friendship as you are going to want more and that is not what this website is about. He is married to someone else do not condone cheating

  7. Joy noel

    May 12, 2020 at 8:19 pm

    When you boyfriend leave you for a younger women.and telling he need children
    .but still coming back an have sex with you.looking at every status ypu put up phone mostly every week .why this happen

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 13, 2020 at 8:52 am

      Hi Joy, he is keeping his options open. He left you for someone else means that you need to go into a 45 day No Contact, stop answering his calls and work on getting over the hurt and pain of whats happened. Then start following the being there method

  8. Kya

    October 29, 2019 at 10:02 pm

    My ex moved away entirely while we were broken up. He reached out the day he was in town, drunk and lonely… and wanting to be friends again. By me telling him that I could not be friends because I was trying to move on was vulnerable, yes, but I feel as though it also shows strength and that I’m not waiting around. I understand he needs the chase, but standing up for myself is also a good thing. Considering this has been an on off relationship and he’s always come back like this, I feel as though something different was needed. Upon hearing more info, do you still think it was a bad idea to say we can’t be friends right now?

  9. Kya

    October 29, 2019 at 9:56 pm

    *** In response to Shaunna

    Wouldnt telling my ex that I’m moving on and that I’d prefer to have distance give incentive to chase? I see nothing wrong with being vulnerable. This is a case of a man who is used to coming and going and me always reconnecting with him. I actually felt like I was doing something different than before. While we were broken up, he moved to an entire state all together. He was in town for the day, drunk and lonely when he contacted me. I feel I did what was strong and needed. I mean, he moved and I didn’t even know it.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 30, 2019 at 12:45 pm

      (Responding to both posts)

      Hey Kya so there is a difference between TELLING him you are moving on compared to posting subtle hints that you are dating. This will make him want to know who you are with in said restaurant, cafe, cinema etc. It is difficult to work out how much jealousy will work with guys so start small and work your way up (posting subtle hints first) and more obvious ones after a few weeks.

      It is very strong that you said no to him by the way, its great you did because under the circumstances you could have ended up with a FWB situation which isn’t the goal here. If your relationship is always on and off and he comes back when he is ready then yes, telling him you cant be friends is possibly the route to take. Unless he meets someone else then you need to be aware of what we call the being there method so read up on that one. I think as you’ve shown strength you could be friends and refuse benefits until you are committed again.

      The problem with on and off again relationships isn’t getting them back, its keeping the relationship this time. So, I suggest looking at the past break ups and finding a trigger / pattern to why you break up and if that can be changed by you, if it takes the both of you to change then look at how to communicate in relationships to get him open to working on things correctly this time around.

  10. Kya

    October 23, 2019 at 8:57 pm

    My ex reached out after 60 days of no contact. He was drunk and said… Hey, let’s have a conversation. We can be friends even if we’re not together anymore. I did reply a few times. Asked how he was doing. But I know that I can’t be just friends with him. I still love him and it will hurt me more to do so. I thanked him for reaching out and said that I wasn’t ready to be friends. That it would prohibit me from moving on. That if he had something serious to discuss to call me. Otherwise, I hope he’d appreciate my need to keep my distance.

    His response was that he sees why he left in the 1st place.

    I feel as though I did the most dignified, mature thing that needed to be done. But now I’m doubting myself. Like why can’t I just be strong enough to be friends and build on a positive vibe.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 24, 2019 at 9:03 pm

      Hi Kya he didnt like the answer because it isnt what he wanted to hear. But he reached out to you first and he was drunk which means you were on his mind.It cant be undone but if he does reach out again – dont ask how he is, dont get emotional, and dont tell him you cant be his friend because of how you feel about him. You are just going to give him clear indicator he can have you if he wanted you where you need to make him think he needs to chase you

  11. Elaine

    July 30, 2019 at 2:21 am

    It’s been 2 and a half weeks since my ex boyfriend broke up with me. Since he broke up with me, he’s stated that he wants to remain in each other’s lives as friends because he claimed that I am nothing like his past exes and he doesn’t want to just “forget about me” which I believe only because everything before leading up to our break up we had a good relationship and loved each other deeply. We did however argue a lot before and sometimes they blew up way out of proportion with yelling and screaming but that was something we were working on.

    Up until now he still says he loves me, cares for me, & misses me. I haven’t given him his space like he asked or given him time to think because I became the needy or desperate ex girlfriend that wanted to get back together. Even now he still wants to remain friends because he doesn’t want a relationship right now or doesn’t want to think about considering us again.

    He says he wants to come over to my house on his own time when he’s ready to talk but I’ve also made it clear that I don’t think talking will do much if HE still wishes to remain friends. I’ve told him that because of the strong feelings I have for him and the love I still have for him that being friends is going to be difficult. He still insists on coming over to me when he’s ready to talk.

    Is it too late to enforce the NC rule? Especially since I have been gnatting him for 2 weeks after he broke up with me?

    1. Chris Seiter

      July 30, 2019 at 1:34 pm

      HI Elaine…NO, I don’t think its too later to implement the NC rule. It will benefit you and your recovery if you follow my Program guidelines

  12. Susan (keep anonymous )

    May 28, 2019 at 2:48 pm

    I’m going thru a situation … after 25 years he reached out to me .. we’ve been doing dinner and movies for the last 3.5 years … then all of the sudden he decides “ let’s stay friends “ need you in my life … etc …. abd when I back off he comes running back etc … he always picks fights and is very narricisitic ! And all of the sudden this is not going to work … anything beyond friends … but when I do bare minimum contact or no contact for like 2 weeks … and what he has is a tendency to ignore messages to make me chase him … any suggestions … please don’t post my email asdrsss …

  13. SCM

    May 26, 2019 at 4:02 pm

    I’m trying to find some help outside my family and friend’s circle.
    My ex-boyfriend and I broke up after a somewhat committed and loving relationship. After going no-contact for three weeks, he reached out asking me if I wanted to meet up so that he can return a few things to me. We met and talked for 4 hours. After that meeting, he then wanted to meet again and we did. At our second meeting, we decided to spend time together occasionally but he told me that he did not want to be in a relationship again because he was afraid we were going to go back to the same patterns. He also added that he wanted to feel as he was single and could see other women. I told him that I was not OK with him seeing other women while we spent time together and that I’d rather remain friends. Then, he said he wanted to remain friends and definitely wanted me in his life.
    I still have feelings for him. I feel that if I stay close with him I will get hurt. At the same time, I want to stay close because he and I, in addition to being boyfriend and girlfriend, were good friends and used to talk about everything.
    Sometimes, I think he is confused. He told me that he still likes me, likes to spend time with me, have intimacy with me, but does not want to be in a serious relationship again right now.
    Seriously, I need help. Should I stay in contact with him? or runaway?

  14. Jessica

    January 29, 2019 at 4:18 pm

    Hi, i went in no contact for 30 days with my ex. After I rached out to him he told me if i could accept and respect what he wanted that we could only be friends and that if i didnt respect it that we should stop talking to each other. I questioned him why and he was being mean telling me i dont have time for these conversations. Before i had started the NC i had told him to move on due to him having me confused on where we stood in the relationship. It all started 2 months before i went NC, we had gone out to dinner and drinks after pulling out of the bar he got pulled over and arrested on his 3rd dui. He got bailed out and after 2 days i had reached out to him as his girlfriend to offer my support since he was feeling down. He told me he was gonna probably face 1 year in prison and that it was time to let go that he couldn’t be dragging me along it wouldn’t be fair. I told him i would stick around but he insisted and he drifted and distanced himself. So, after me texting him and being ignored i decided to give him his space. Once he didnt hear from me for about a week he started to text me and telling me he missed me and that why was i acting this way with him he didnt want to fight he was already on the edge he didnt need me to push him over. But, right there i was confused already i told him that that was what you wanted to let go. After that we started talking again but he was not open on what was going on with his case i felt i had the right no know. We would see each other about twice a week when before we would see each other almost everyday. To me it seemed as if things were not the same after his arrest. So, i didnt know where we we stood in the relationship. So, i turned cold towards him. I kinda stopped talking to him i just wanted to know where we stood what was going to happen to us in the case he did time. He kept everything to himself. My emotions were everywhere. So, after 2 weeks on 12/24/18 he stopped by My apartment i didn’t speak to him at all I avoided him he was playing with my daughters the whole time he made attempts to talk to me but i gave him short responses. Before he left he asked me can i get a hug and I said no hug so he left. A week after he showed up again but I didnt let him in, his excuse he wanted to see the girls i told him that he cant just be coming in an out of my apartment that he needs to move on. He asked if thats what i wanted and i told him that this is what you wanted from the beginning. So, he left angry and since then I implemented the 30 day no contact. I reached out to him after NC and he was cold telling me we can only be friends if not to not talk to each other. Im left confused he would always say he loved me that no one could ever compare to me and suddenly he made this drastic change. Before his arrest we were doing so goooodd. Idk if hes acting this way to not drag me along and to just forget about me. Idk if hes doing it out of anger towards me. There could be a lot of reasons that i keep questioning What should i do now? What do you suggest? I did tell him I respected his decision and that i still loved him and Goodbye. I just dont see myself being friends with him it hurts me already.

  15. Sad

    January 28, 2019 at 2:32 pm

    My ex broke up with me last week from a 4.5 year relationship. He said he doesn’t love me the same anymore and thinks we’ll be happier not together. He said he wanted to remain friends, I said I can’t stay friends with him because I’m in love with him still.

    He phoned me today after a week no contact to tell me about a test that he took. We ended up talking on the phone for nearly an hour about life in general.

    I can’t seem to accept that he doesn’t want me anymore, seeing as he loved me SO much throughout our relationship. Did he phone to keep me available, am I just a comfort blanket to him, or does he want me back? So confused.

    1. Chris Seiter

      January 28, 2019 at 11:33 pm

      Hi Sad! So lets try to turn that around so you can be happy again. Guys say a lot of things about love and oftentimes, they have no clue what it is or how to express it. Maybe the phone call is the first clue he may have misjudged his feelings about loving you.

  16. Bossie

    December 7, 2018 at 12:23 am

    I broke with my ex boyfriend 13yrs now, am married with 4 kids, my ex boyfriend wants me to hang out and requests TLC…Says “he miss me” and yet he is married and says ” I love my wife”…my marriage not good. What do I do?

    1. Chris Seiter

      December 8, 2018 at 3:48 am

      Hi Bossie!

      Ummmm…I suspect it may be tempting to explore things with this ex, but that is a very slippery slope on many fronts.

  17. She's a confused one

    October 2, 2018 at 4:54 am

    I dated a guys for about 3 1/2 years in high school. I totally and completely tore our relationship apart with cheating on him a lot and ultimately dumping him. Not that this is any excuse, but I had some serious issues as a teenager, and he had a lot of issues too that affected me then. About 2 years after we broke up, he got in touch with me to tell me he forgave me and I was able to explain what I had been dealing with and I was able to apologize to him for how awful I treated. That was the last time we spoke. A few months ago, ten years after, he finds Me on facebook friend requests me. I accept mostly out of curiousity. Come to find out, we are basically neighbors again, which might seem like a commonish thing, but we live over an hour away from our home town. Weve only talked once but he just said he was curious how I’ve been, and basically did the whole small talk thing you do with people you don’t know well and haven’t seen in a long time. I don’t know what to think as to why he suddenly wants to be in my life after 12 years and how crappy I treated him. But I’m too chicken to ask and open a can of worms.

    1. Chris Seiter

      October 3, 2018 at 1:29 am

      So its OK to explore it. Just go slow. Baby steps and see if there is mutual interest.

  18. Taylor

    January 21, 2018 at 8:16 pm

    Also I was curious of the Being there Method and what to do with that specifically?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 22, 2018 at 4:24 am

      Hi Taylor,

      You have to do the push pull, nit the being there.. If he thinks you’re rushing things, you should lay low in investing time for him

  19. Taylor

    January 21, 2018 at 8:16 pm

    SO my ex contacted 3 months after I broke up with him, and then we decided to just talk and see where it goes, he told me during this time that I am his soulmate and he wants to be less boring and more passionate with me as if we were in a relationship. We went on a lunch date which was amazing, we hung out at the mall he held my hand and we kissed, and he texted me so much after and then we went on a second date and that was amazing too, I kind of ruined it with expectations and I admit that was my fault… So he stopped texting me after that and then I kept bringing up where was the main goal for this and his intentions, he kept pushing away after that, we talked and he said we should be friends and now we barely talk and he’ll go a day without talking to me and text me the next day as if I didn’t matter or hes not as interested in talking to me. I am going into no contact right now but anything else I should do or suggestions.

  20. A confused girl

    January 12, 2018 at 4:50 pm


    Im am extremely confused. My exboyfriend broke up with me out of the blue 5 months ago. He said he felt trapped. Three weeks after the breakup we met up, spoke (not about the breakup) and hung out. I was of course still heartbroken but acted like I was happy, telling him all about my new life. When we said goodbye he cried which really confused me as the only other time hes cried was when he broke up with me. I questioned his behaviour and he said sorry and he didnt mean to cry. I send him a text the day after saying I recognise what I did wrong and here is how I could improve myself. He responded saying he was hoping that we would meet again in the future when we’ve grown up but he knows it cant be right now etc.

    Fast forward 4 months of no contact, I needed his help with a project at uni. He was more than happy to help and we spoke every evening for about a week (3-4 hours on facetime and it would only be 1-2 hours of coursework). Since then, we have been texting every day about pointless things, Ive taken ages to reply, sometimes even a day. Text have to some extent been flirty. When I was home for Christmas we met up, it was very flirty and after walking me home he said he had a nice time and the day after he texted me saying he was proud of me. Then he went away for two weeks (and we kept exchanging texts every day, about non important things) and then we met up when he came back home again. We had a great time, lots of flirting and he touched me a lot and ended up holding hands all the way home. Again, texted me saying he had a great time.

    Now yesterday, we hung out again. This time we went bowling which was fun. It was very flirty as usual. I would say if we were doing this and being in relationships with other people it would’ve been very wrong. Anyhow, as I thought he might try say or do something that night and didnt, I got very confused and sad. Which he noticed when he walked me home. No text after. No text the morning after. So I messaged him asking to meet up later on this week (didnt say why but in my head I wanted to clear things up) he agreed and then asked if I was sure I was ok yesterday. And that he wanted to make sure it wasnt because of us. I replied saying as a matter of fact, you do confuse me. He asked how so and went on about wanting to be my friend and sorry if thats confusing and that its confusing for him sometimes too but he wants to be my friend and there for me if I need. I replied saying that the way we’ve been acting is not how friends act and its clear the attraction is still there. And that he makes me happy and its freaking me out. He joked and said “happy you wanted to hit me all of last night” (I kept loosing and jokingly said I was annoyed, you know as you do when you flirt with one another), and I just replied saying you know I didnt whereupon he said hahahaha sureee. I once again wrote how we’re clearly still enjoying each others company, and then adding all the flirting, jokes, touching, handholding aso to that its not a friendship anymore. That something is definitly still there. How wrong it would be if we were to be in relationships whilst acting like this. He just replied saying mmm I guess so. I didnt want to get deeper into the conversation than that so just said cheers to being confused about life lol. He replied with a winky face and a laughing one.

    We are still meeting up tomorrow but I have no idea what to take from that conversation. He is one hundred percent flirting with me, he make jokes/tease me about the people he thinks I am seeing, put his arm around me lots, held my hand the other day, stands way too close, jokes, body language is same as mine, pupils huge even in bright light, stares at me, touches me etc etc etc. He is the most stubborn person I have met which makes me believe that even if there is a bit of regret in him, he would struggle a lot to admit it. Hes useless with feelings and amazing at pushing them back. (he went to all boys boarding school from age 9 and he also lost his dad a few years ago that hes not properly dealt with yet although cant say that to him obviously)

    Hes not yet brought up the breakup, that he is sorry for hurting me or anything like that.

    I am so confused. I’ve read every article on here over and over again I think and I am seeing him tomorrow. I didnt get anything out from that text, I feel just as confused now as I did before. We were together for 2.5 years. Have been broken up for 4-5 months now. Texted every day (both iniciating) Ive seen other guys, one I really fell for but turned out to be a player. Still got dates when I go back to my uni town in two days etc. Ive improved a whole lot, which he could see as well clearly.

    What is your take on this whole thing? How do I act tomorrow when I see him? Is he confused himself or does he actually just want to be friends? Is there a chance?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 14, 2018 at 10:54 pm

      sorry for the late reply.. how did it go? did he make it clear to you on what he really wants?

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