What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

Why Does My Ex Boyfriend Want to Be Friends With Me?

When Chris asked me to write this article, I must admit I was totally stumped.

I never really gave too much thought as to why an ex would want to remain friends with me. Have you?

I mean, I’ve had some pretty bad dates, break ups, and yes, even hook ups. After each one ended I would tell myself,

“You’ll never hear from this person again. Time to move on.”

And EVERY time 6 months, a year, even 5 years later each one of these guys has popped back into my life, usually when I’m on my A game. I usually tell my girlfriends when this happens and we have a good laugh…but there are a few of my exes who have come back into my life and stuck around.I’ll get into two scenarios that I’m currently dealing with later on in this article. I really wanted to write this piece with all of the information that I could gather to help not only you gain some insight into why your ex wants to be your friend.

I’ll get into two scenarios that I’m currently dealing with later on in this article.I really wanted to write this piece with all of the information that I could gather to help not only you gain some insight into why your

I really wanted to write this piece with all of the information that I could gather to help not only you gain some insight into why your exboyfriend would want to be friends with you but to also learn something new myself.

After googling, a Facebook poll, and even going as far as picking the brain of one of my exes (who also happens to be one of my closest friends) this is what I gathered for you ladies! In this article, I’m going to cover the negative, the positive, and share a few personal examples with you as to why your ex may want to be friends with you. Let’s start with the bad news….

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Negative Motivation

  • Loneliness
  • Boredom
  • Sex
  • Money
  • Control

We’ll dig into those a little more in a minute, but before you start panicking let’s get to the GOOD news!

Positive Motivation

  • He still has feelings for you (He’s Using The “Being There” method)
  • Mutual Support
  • He Trusts You
  • Children and shared resources
  • To minimize drama between you or your social circle
  • Your relationship was built on a solid friendship

Diving Into the Downside

First, let’s talk about the negative reasons an ex would want to be friends with you.

A couple of factors go into this. It all depends on the type of person your ex is. Luckily we have someone who is an expert on your ex! You!

I’m going to go over a few personal examples that cover each of these reasons.

He’s Lonely

The first one I’d like to go over is loneliness. We all go through times where we feel like we have no one to turn to or who understands us. Sometimes it just boils down to missing a person that fills that void in your heart.

More often than not…especially when I’m fresh out of a break up I want to reach out to a person who I know completely gets me. Accepts the good, the bad, and the ugly. That person….errrh. Just happens to be one of my ex boyfriends.

Now, before you start jumping to conclusions, I want to clarify that “N” and I have come a loooooong way. And it took a lot of time to get to where we are at today.

You see, if I would reach out to one of my girlfriends post heartbreak they would just say,

“He’s an a**hole, you deserve so much better.”

And as kind as those words are, they aren’t really helpful. Where as with “N” he tells me the truth, even if it’s going to hurt my feelings, but you see, this helps me grow and avoid making crucial mistakes or being able to see red flags before I become too invested. He helps me see things from the guy’s point of view and that can be REALLY handy!

Now, “N” and I didn’t speak for years after we dated. We never texted each other with “I miss you” or any of that.

If your ex is reaching out saying, “I miss you”, sure, that could mean he misses you. But it could just boil down to the fact that he doesn’t like being alone.

I think it’s difficult sometimes for a guy to talk to family or his friends about how he is feeling. Especially after a breakup, so if some time has gone by he may turn to you. Now, this may not always be a negative reason, but I would be careful. If he is just texting you when it’s convenient for him and then can’t return a text if you reach out… chances are he’s either lonely or bored. And you don’t need to deal with that!

He’s Using You

The next reason and probably the worst reason an ex would want to remain friends with you is that you can do something for him, like sex or monetary support.

Again, I’m going to give you an example. We are going to call these folks “Amber” and “Dave”. Now, Amber has a successful career and makes quite a lot of money. She starts dating Dave…who doesn’t have a steady job or lacks the motivation to hold a steady job.

Amber and Dave date for awhile and then they break up…..but it doesn’t take long for Dave to pop back into Amber’s life. Amber starts to think,

“Wow! Maybe there’s a chance that we can work things out!”

But Dave has another motive. Dave recently left one of the many jobs he bounces back and forth from. He doesn’t want Amber, he wants money. He remembers the expensive gaming system Amber bought him for Christmas and the Range Rover that she drives. So, Dave comes crawling back, extending an olive branch in the hopes that Amber will be once again his personal ATM. If you are going through a similar situation whether it be money, sex, or something else. I suggest you reflect on it on your own and then cut off all contact with this guy!

He Needs To Feel In Control

The final negative reason your ex may want to be friends with you is control. I want to tell you about my friend “Becky”. Becky was dating this guy “Pete” for over a year. Pete made some major mistakes throughout the time he was with Becky and really broke her trust.

They were off and on for awhile, but Becky finally ended things in March. She did the right thing and cut off contact with him after I told her all about No Contact.

Sure enough, Pete came crawling back apologizing for how he treated her. He basically admitted that he was the biggest idiot ever during the relationship and suggested that, hopefully, they could start with a clean slate and try to be friends.

So, Becky decided to give it a try.

Can you guess what Pete did?

He started to ghost her. He ignored her texts. He started to play the blocking and unblocking game. He even ignored her in public sometimes.

So, I told Becky to give No Contact a second try. And sure enough, he started texted her again.

From an outside perspective, it seemed to me that Pete was gunning for complete control over where the two of them stood.

Becky found herself in a Catch 22.

I know how much she cared for Pete and I am really silently cheering them on!

However, it is mo0re realistic to hope that Becky can take that level of love that she had for Pete and turn it inwards and learn to love herself with that same intensity. She really deserves the best. And at least she had the control on that front.

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There is Still an Upside

I know the negatives can scare even the bravest person into not wanting to pursue getting their ex back… but the chances that your ex might have some decent reasons for wanting to be your friend is enough to keep me going! How about you?

So, let’s move on to discuss the positive motivation that might be driving your ex!

Luckily, the good outweighs the bad here! There are several more positive reasons why your ex would want to be friends with you!

I can hear your sighs of relief from here!

Again, several factors go along with these reasons. Such as how long you both were together, how badly things went when it ended, and I think communication also plays a huge role in this.

He’s Still Into You

The first reason…and probably the one you’re crossing your fingers for is that your ex still feels a connection to you and hopefully still has feelings for you.

Reading ExBoyfriend Recovery Pro and being in the private Facebook group, I’ve seen a ton of success with “The Being There Method.”

This method basically boils down to you being a friend to your ex so that ultimately you can work on getting back together. Really, you should purchase EBR, because I don’t intend to give away too many secrets! This article would be WAY too long if I did that.

Your ex very well could be using this exact tactic without even realizing it. He wants to be friends with you to see where he stands in your life and the probability of getting you back! Slow and steady wins the race.

I’m going to combine three of the reasons next. Support, trust, and a strong friendship go hand in hand. I don’t want to keep throwing “N” under the bus, but he agreed that I can divulge anything about our past relationship and current bestie status.

Me and “N” always had a strong and solid friendship during our relationship. I knew I could turn to him and vice versa even if we were fighting.

Two years ago, he went down a dark path. His career and personal life fell apart. I was getting ready for work and my phone rang. As soon as I heard his voice, I knew who was calling.

“You were right. I messed everything up.”

My first impulse was to hang up the phone and cry. Instead, I took a deep breath and remembered the exact thing I said to “N” when he broke up with me 5 years prior.

“I’ll always love you and I’ll always be here.”

And I meant what I said. I can’t and I won’t ever turn my back on him. The love I had for him has definitely transformed into more of platonic sort of “love you like I’d love puppy” kind of love.

I mean who doesn’t love puppies?!

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Mutual Support, Respect, and Trust

This leads into my next point. And that is that at the end of the day we both know that we can turn to each other. It makes me wonder if we ever really were in love or maybe that love just took on a different form. One thing is for sure though, we ALWAYS turn to each other for relationship advice. Turns out it’s really nice to have a male perspective on things! They say, “time heals all wounds” and I can attest to that.

When he dumped me, he completely broke my trust. Married the girl he cheated on me with. And in time, five years give or take, (I didn’t say this happened over night!) I completely trust him again and consider him to be one of my best friends.

Shared Investments and Keeping the Peace

Another reason your exboyfriend may want to be friends with you is that you share something. Whether it be property, a pet, social circle, or most definitively children, your ex may want to keep the peace and stay friendly for those reasons. The less drama the better for everyone involved. Communication is fundamental when these are the reasons. The more positive and conducive the communication was between the two of you during the relationship and afterward may have created a solid foundation for him to consider being friends with you.

Use this Information

I hope after reading this article you will gain some clarity if you find yourself in any of these scenarios. Doing the research for this article really opened up my eyes and has given me a new perspective on friendships and relationships in general. And now, I hope I have the tools to shed some light on why my ex “Z” contacted me!

Good luck ladies! Feel free to leave any thoughts or questions in the comment below! We always love to hear from you!

(This article was written by Lyndsey Houser)


Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter

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22 thoughts on “Why Does My Ex Boyfriend Want to Be Friends With Me?”

  1. Taylor

    January 21, 2018 at 8:16 pm

    Also I was curious of the Being there Method and what to do with that specifically?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 22, 2018 at 4:24 am

      Hi Taylor,

      You have to do the push pull, nit the being there.. If he thinks you’re rushing things, you should lay low in investing time for him

  2. Taylor

    January 21, 2018 at 8:16 pm

    SO my ex contacted 3 months after I broke up with him, and then we decided to just talk and see where it goes, he told me during this time that I am his soulmate and he wants to be less boring and more passionate with me as if we were in a relationship. We went on a lunch date which was amazing, we hung out at the mall he held my hand and we kissed, and he texted me so much after and then we went on a second date and that was amazing too, I kind of ruined it with expectations and I admit that was my fault… So he stopped texting me after that and then I kept bringing up where was the main goal for this and his intentions, he kept pushing away after that, we talked and he said we should be friends and now we barely talk and he’ll go a day without talking to me and text me the next day as if I didn’t matter or hes not as interested in talking to me. I am going into no contact right now but anything else I should do or suggestions.

  3. A confused girl

    January 12, 2018 at 4:50 pm


    Im am extremely confused. My exboyfriend broke up with me out of the blue 5 months ago. He said he felt trapped. Three weeks after the breakup we met up, spoke (not about the breakup) and hung out. I was of course still heartbroken but acted like I was happy, telling him all about my new life. When we said goodbye he cried which really confused me as the only other time hes cried was when he broke up with me. I questioned his behaviour and he said sorry and he didnt mean to cry. I send him a text the day after saying I recognise what I did wrong and here is how I could improve myself. He responded saying he was hoping that we would meet again in the future when we’ve grown up but he knows it cant be right now etc.

    Fast forward 4 months of no contact, I needed his help with a project at uni. He was more than happy to help and we spoke every evening for about a week (3-4 hours on facetime and it would only be 1-2 hours of coursework). Since then, we have been texting every day about pointless things, Ive taken ages to reply, sometimes even a day. Text have to some extent been flirty. When I was home for Christmas we met up, it was very flirty and after walking me home he said he had a nice time and the day after he texted me saying he was proud of me. Then he went away for two weeks (and we kept exchanging texts every day, about non important things) and then we met up when he came back home again. We had a great time, lots of flirting and he touched me a lot and ended up holding hands all the way home. Again, texted me saying he had a great time.

    Now yesterday, we hung out again. This time we went bowling which was fun. It was very flirty as usual. I would say if we were doing this and being in relationships with other people it would’ve been very wrong. Anyhow, as I thought he might try say or do something that night and didnt, I got very confused and sad. Which he noticed when he walked me home. No text after. No text the morning after. So I messaged him asking to meet up later on this week (didnt say why but in my head I wanted to clear things up) he agreed and then asked if I was sure I was ok yesterday. And that he wanted to make sure it wasnt because of us. I replied saying as a matter of fact, you do confuse me. He asked how so and went on about wanting to be my friend and sorry if thats confusing and that its confusing for him sometimes too but he wants to be my friend and there for me if I need. I replied saying that the way we’ve been acting is not how friends act and its clear the attraction is still there. And that he makes me happy and its freaking me out. He joked and said “happy you wanted to hit me all of last night” (I kept loosing and jokingly said I was annoyed, you know as you do when you flirt with one another), and I just replied saying you know I didnt whereupon he said hahahaha sureee. I once again wrote how we’re clearly still enjoying each others company, and then adding all the flirting, jokes, touching, handholding aso to that its not a friendship anymore. That something is definitly still there. How wrong it would be if we were to be in relationships whilst acting like this. He just replied saying mmm I guess so. I didnt want to get deeper into the conversation than that so just said cheers to being confused about life lol. He replied with a winky face and a laughing one.

    We are still meeting up tomorrow but I have no idea what to take from that conversation. He is one hundred percent flirting with me, he make jokes/tease me about the people he thinks I am seeing, put his arm around me lots, held my hand the other day, stands way too close, jokes, body language is same as mine, pupils huge even in bright light, stares at me, touches me etc etc etc. He is the most stubborn person I have met which makes me believe that even if there is a bit of regret in him, he would struggle a lot to admit it. Hes useless with feelings and amazing at pushing them back. (he went to all boys boarding school from age 9 and he also lost his dad a few years ago that hes not properly dealt with yet although cant say that to him obviously)

    Hes not yet brought up the breakup, that he is sorry for hurting me or anything like that.

    I am so confused. I’ve read every article on here over and over again I think and I am seeing him tomorrow. I didnt get anything out from that text, I feel just as confused now as I did before. We were together for 2.5 years. Have been broken up for 4-5 months now. Texted every day (both iniciating) Ive seen other guys, one I really fell for but turned out to be a player. Still got dates when I go back to my uni town in two days etc. Ive improved a whole lot, which he could see as well clearly.

    What is your take on this whole thing? How do I act tomorrow when I see him? Is he confused himself or does he actually just want to be friends? Is there a chance?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 14, 2018 at 10:54 pm

      sorry for the late reply.. how did it go? did he make it clear to you on what he really wants?

  4. Janael Urcel

    January 12, 2018 at 1:49 pm

    Can I tell him That I don’t want us to speak anymore before starting the no contact rule?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 14, 2018 at 10:25 pm

      Hi Janael,

      it depends but not in that way..

  5. Cecilia

    January 3, 2018 at 8:34 pm

    Hi! So I met this guy back in October from an online dating app. We really hit it off in the beginning and we really enjoyed hanging out with each other. He said he didn’t want a relationship because he got off a 5-year relationship with a girl he was wanting to marry at the time. We would meet up a lot and then when the holidays rolled around (Thanksgiving and Christmas) we didn’t meet up as we were both busy. He didn’t try to make plans to meet up even when I kept asking. So I guess that pushed him away. Yesterday, he decided that we should be friends. Today is the first day of us being friends but we aren’t texting as much. He said we can meet up maybe next week. I really like him and he seems into me too but he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me. So in summary, we dated for a little less than 3 months and now he decided that we should be friends. Would the 30-day no contact rule work? Should I just continue being friends with him?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 5, 2018 at 9:32 pm

      Hi Cecilia,
      it’s not a guarantee that it will in any case but it increases your chances.

  6. WL

    November 6, 2017 at 3:37 am

    Hi Amor, my ex did not say anything abt being friends with me. We did not talk in public because we meet up with friends for sport twice everytime a week and we share the same gang of friends. But whenever a friend ask abt us, he say we’re friends now. I did go over to his place at times (he did not once come and pick me up or come and look for me after the break up) because i wanted to so called ‘renew the relationship’. He did not request me to go over too. Sometimes when i ask if he has time so i could go over and look for him, he said that he needs to finish his assignment and all. He doesnt sound like those if you wanna come over then you can come, we have sex type. We talked and laughed like friend and he often put his hand around me and pull me into his arms. We still text like friends, but im the one who initiate and he’s very passive. But everytime when i go over his place he’s the one who initiate all the convo, ask me abt my work and initiate the hug. Are we friends ? Or are we not friends ? Looks like im the one who wanna be friends because i wanted to get him back.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 6, 2017 at 10:37 am

      Well, as long as you’re having sex or had sex w/o commitment, that means you’re friends with benefits

  7. Arlene

    October 13, 2017 at 3:45 am

    Hi! Help! I gave in to being “just friends” with my ex. His reasoning for wanting this was because of everything on the positives list, minus the children. I know he still has feelings for me, but because of all the stresses he has going on, he doesn’t want a relationship right now (close to possibly not getting into med school, parents being diagnosed with cancer, and coping with his random episodes of depression. We’re also each other’s mental support, mainly because our relationship was built on friendship, which is why he says he considers me his best friend (I didn’t say I consider him my best friend even though I do). Another reason is because we work together, so it’s best to be friends/civil to not start conflict at work. Before reading this article, I agreed to be friends with him! So I’m not sure where to go from here!!!

    P.S. I am also in the process of reading EBR Pro! I just started reading and can’t put it down. But I unfortunately agreed to be friends with him before I came across the exboyfriend recovery website and purchased the book!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 14, 2017 at 10:00 am

  8. M

    August 17, 2017 at 7:23 pm

    Thanks for this article. Your story with N gives me hopes that I can be on good terms with my ex one day.

    I tried the ex recovery strategy until I realised I didn’t trust my ex anymore. He has a lot of personal issues, so he wasn’t in a place to commit anyway, but he was hurt when I said that a lot would have to change for us to get back together. We tried to be friends for a while, but we kept getting into arguments because there was a lot of hurt on both sides. We’re not talking now and I’m glad to get rid of that drama, but I still care about him tbh. Hope we can eventually move past the mess of the break-up.

  9. Amy

    August 14, 2017 at 2:00 pm

    My ex is currently talking to a girl he has had history with but they are not together. I heard they are at a stage where there have been many arguments and heated conversations. If I’m deciding on the best time to start talking again after no contact, should I wait it out till things are settled on his side first so that he doesn’t rely on me as a cushion of comfort to both complain and as a distraction on the side? Or should I speak to him during this time of turbulence. (he actually texted me after one of the heated episodes with this girl but I ignored him as I am still doing no contact). Thanks!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 14, 2017 at 9:22 pm

      Just build rapport.. You’re not supposed to know his current relationship problems..and he’s not supposed to know that you know because you will look like you’re stalking on him

  10. Frank carpio

    August 14, 2017 at 4:50 am

    Hi I really like the article. But my problem is the opposite my girlfriend wants to be friends, becuase she says she doesn’t want to loose contact with her best friend, and for me to completely cut her out of my life, when I brought it up to her that it’s best we do not talk she got very teary eyed, what do you recommend I do, is the no contact rule still useful in a situation like this ? Thanks for you help.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 14, 2017 at 8:52 pm

      Hi Frank,

      You can check this one:

  11. Janelle

    August 11, 2017 at 8:53 pm

    Hello, this was a lovely article to read! My ex and I have recently broken up, we were dating for three years. He stated that he would like to maintain a platonic relationship with me, but I find that he tends to blur the lines. (One night when we were talking he held me from behind like a boyfriend would do and also wanted to say things that only a boyfriend could say). I’ve decided to give him the space he says he wants (we have had limited contact for about a month), but I’m not sure where to go from here. Do I begin building rapport? Where do I go from here?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 12, 2017 at 12:23 pm

      Hi Janelle,

      why did you have limited contact instead of full nc? Is it because he wants to be friends?

  12. Mandy

    August 11, 2017 at 12:06 am

    Thank you for the article! I enjoyed reading. I actually tried no contact with my ex and then he started to date someone else shortly after our relationship. They stayed together for a year (ours went 2 years) and at first I tried to the “being there” method but eventually stopped trying. On the day they broke up, he texted me and said he wanted to stay in contact. Its been a month or so and I haven’t received any new messages. At one point during the “being there” method he told me a lot of negative information about the girl he was seeing and said that he stalked my Instagram and that I was a sore subject for them. Right now there is a picture of a guy on my Instragram because I was trying to move on. My question is, what would be my best move (..I’m still not over him)?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 11, 2017 at 2:30 pm

      HI Mandy,

      if you want to build rapport, keep talking. If you want to move on and be with the new guy, stop talking to him.