Have you just broken up with your ex-boyfriend? Has your ex ghosted your relationship? Are you clueless as to why your relationship has ended abruptly, without warning?

Don’t worry…. As always, I am here to explain what is going on in your ex-boyfriend’s mind and help you to understand why he has ended your relationship suddenly and has not explained why.

I mean, really, why do men break up with their girlfriends without offering an explanation?  Simply right out of the blue.  You don’t see it coming.  And when he tells you it’s over, he hardly offers a word of explanation.

They deliver the bad news and you are left crushed.

So if you are looking  for the quick answer, I will oblige!

What Possesses My Boyfriend To Break Up With Me With Little Warning or Explanation?

Your Answer:

You boyfriend is either afraid, immature,  in denial, cowardly, insensitive, self possessed or a combination of those things and cares so little about your feelings or how this terrible news is going to impact you, he proceeds anyway with giving you the bad news in the hopes of getting it over with as quickly as possible.

As you probably will agree, anytime your boyfriend pulls a stunt like this, there is not just something wrong with the state of the relationship, but there is something wrong with him. Breakups are hard enough to deal with.

When you have to deal with the pain of not knowing what you did wrong (if anything) and why he just dropped you from his life  and gave up on even trying – never mind  his failure to explain why he is behaving with such cruelty – it makes the breakup recovery period all the more difficult.

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Why Does It Hurt So Much When Your Boyfriend Breaks Up With You Out of the Blue

left me out of the blue

No girl wants to be in the dark.  When your boyfriend leaves you standing alone and wondering “what did I do wrong”, it is a low blow indeed.

Some men cannot seem to grasp how such a break is not just emotionally disabling to his girlfriend, but sets up a bitter conflict for the future.

Not knowing why your boyfriend broke up with you out of nowhere is a big part of it.  But breaking up no matter the cause or reason, whether it’s shared or not, is always the thing that pulls you way down.

But guess what.  I have some solutions for you!

What To Do When Your Ex Boyfriend Suddenly Leaves Without Warning?

This question is the common refrain I hear from women whose boyfriend has left them high and dry with no warning or explanation. These painful questions women ask come in all forms, but there is a common thread. They want to know:

1. What causes a man (or my boyfriend) to abruptly end a relationship that otherwise seemed to be doing well?  I am left holding the pieces in my hand.

2. Why did my boyfriend leave me without explanation or even a note telling me why its over?  It’s unfair and maddening that he would have so little regard about how I felt.

3. Why do guys break up with you for no reason?  They up and call it quits leaving you confused,  blaming yourself, and losing confidence along the way.

4. My boyfriend just left me without telling me and I not sure if I will ever be the same again.

5. My boyfriend just left me without a word, dumping me without an explanation.  He has no idea how humiliating this makes me feel.

Should I Just Tell My Boyfriend I Hate Him For Leaving Me Without Explanation, Completely In the Lurch

Clearly, when break up chaos unfolds in such a way, it is like your heart has been torn from your body. The rejection from your boyfriend leaving is difficult enough to deal with, but to have to spend countless days wondering what happened – what you may have done wrong – and why he could treat you so cruelly just leaves your emotions scattered to to the wind.

But before you do anything, like charging out of the house to confront him or text your boyfriend a dozen times, just take a step back, slow down, and seek ot understand what might cause him to do this.

Because understanding your boyfriend’s reasons for ending the relationship  suddenly, out of the blue, is going to help you with what you decide to do next.

But I Really Want My Boyfriend To Suffer For Breaking Up With Me Suddenly and Leaving Me Heartbroken

I know you feel this way right now and you ought to be mad at him for dumping you unexpectedly.  When a man leaves his girlfriend without telling her why and just goes about his business like nothing is wrong, you may feel like shutting yourself in. You may  start crying uncontrollably or you may even go berserk and try to hunt him down, demanding answers for why he dumped you out of the blue.

My advice is not to give in to those angry voices and passions rising up in you.  Don’t call call your boyfriend insisting on an explanation.  Don’t jump in your car and drive over to his place and throw a fit over him leaving you with no warning or explanation.  Not even a heads up.

Just pull back from all that break up chaos.  Realize what your boyfriend did was a classless act and probably tells you more about who is and what he is about than you realized.

But before passing final judgement on what this guy did to you, seek first to understand his motives and underlying behavior.

The Top 3 Ways Men End Relationships Without Warning or Really Telling You the Truth

no warning of leaving you

For the remainder of this article I am going to be explaining the main reasons why your ex may have ended the relationship without warning or explanation. The topics we will cover are as follows:-

  • The three types of break ups that result in broken hearts without explanation.
  • The relationship status prior to your boyfriend suddenly bolting without warning
  • The feelings that affect his behavior and how they can trigger impulsive decisions.
  • His reasons (logical or not) for avoiding telling you the truth about the breakup.

Let’s just dive right in and start talking about the three different types of breakups,

But before we dive in and talk about why your ex-boyfriend may not have given you an explanation for your breakup, I want to briefly talk about the three different ways your ex-boyfriend can break up without warning.

  1. Ghosting You Until Your Are Gone From His Life
  2. The Nothing Really is Wrong Type of  Breakup
  3. The False Truth Ending to the Relationship.

1. What Is Ghosting and How Does It Connect With Your Ex Boyfriend Leaving You Without Saying a Word?

Ghosting is the process of freezing you out, either slowly over a period days or weeks, or alternatively overnight. Either way your ex will be ignoring your efforts to continue the relationship, he won’t respond to texts or phone calls….. he will just vanish, like a ghost.  In many of these cases, you never get an explanation for why he ended the relationship.  It just ends without a note, a message, a phone call, a text, or any other form of communication.

It is like your boyfriend has disappeared  into the night and the relationship between the two of you never existed.  And that is the way he wants it.  To confront any hard truths about himself or you, would mean he has to discuss things and explain things.  And perhaps, he is not that kind of guy who is open with you or himself.  Perhaps your boyfriend is the kind of guy who just would rather delude himself that his actions of breaking it off with you without notice or explanation didn’t hurt anyone, so no one is to blame.

This is perhaps the toughest of the three methods your ex might use to breakup with you without explanation as it can leave you wondering if you are still together.  When your boyfriend just slithers away leaving you completely confused and broken hearted, it adds to the suffering.

You know that already because you are experiencing it first hand.  Your boyfriend has not yet learned this truth, because he is hiding it.  He is avoiding it.  But sooner or later, you ex will have to confront the truth which is he dumped you unceremoniously, completely out of the blue and not only was it a cruel act, but his own guilt will eventually come back to haunt him.

2. Did Your Boyfriend Pull “The Nothing Breakup” On You?

The nothing breakup is where your ex makes a feeble effort to break-up with you, but actually provides no reason at all as to why he wants to end things.

The nothing breakup is usually done via email or text message to avoid providing further detail or discussion on the matter.

This naturally will leave you feeling totally confused as to why your relationship has ended and he is certainly has little interest to fill you in on the details.

3. What Is The False Truth?

The False Truth breakup is where you ex boyfriend breaks-up with you formally but gives you a vague, deceptive or fictional reason. This might include phrases like :-

  • “It’s not you it’s me”
  • “I need to find myself”
  • “You deserve better”
  • “I like you too much”

All of these are reasons your ex might provide you with to mask the real reason why he is ending things.  It is like the coward’s way out type approach to breaking up.

3 Reasons For Why Your Ex Boyfriend Will Avoid Explaining Why He Wants To End The Relationship

Now that we have talked briefly about the methods an ex might employ to avoid explaining a break-up, let us progress to the reasons your ex might quit a relationship without explanation.

Reason #1: Brief Relationships

The first reason that springs to mind when I hear that an ex-boyfriend has ended a relationship without explanation is to blame in on the reasoning that the relationship was brief, hardly worthy of an explanation.  Of course this is a bunch of bull.  You boyfriend knows this and you know this.  But being in a delusional state, he tries to get away with it.  He figures, its better to lean on this reasoning than have to do something this is hard and uncomfortable….like telling my girlfriend why I am breaking up with her.

If you were in a casual relationship, or have only been on a few dates with your ex then it is quite likely that your ex-boyfriend feels that the situation does not warrant a proper breakup or an explanation.

There is a period of time when all couples start seeing each other where they are dating but not yet in a serious relationship.

During this time an ex-boyfriend may feel that giving you an official breakup is inappropriate or weird as it is too soon to require it.

If you were in a texting relationship or had only met face to face a handful of times then it is very common that an ex-boyfriend will end the relationship by ghosting for this reason. If you are in this situation then your key area of focus should be on building much more attraction with your ex-boyfriend.

Reason #2: Was Friends With Benefits The Excuse Your Ex Boyfriend Used?

I always recommend that people steer clear of friends with benefits arrangements as they are neither friendly nor beneficial. I recommend not becoming friends with benefits because it is so easy to “catch a case of the feels” and then someone gets hurt.

Men and women view sex very differently in the friends with benefits situation, most women link having sex to developing feelings…. whereas for a man, having sex is linked to wanting more sex.

In a friends with benefits situation this can often lead to a mismatch of expectations in the relationship status as time goes by.

If you were in a friends with benefits arrangement with a guy and he ended it without an explanation it is likely that he noticed a shift in your desire for a more traditional relationship.

Due to the casual nature of your relationship he may not have felt you were owed a formal breakup, this is especially true if he had been clear at the start that he did not want a relationship.

If you were in a friends with benefits relationship then I recommend you focus on building mutual respect and demonstrating the values he wants in a girlfriend going forward, this is because the attraction and rapport is already in place to some degree.

Reason #3: Does He Think The On/Off Relationship Gives Him License To Act So Cruelly?

This reason is exactly how it sounds. If you and your ex-boyfriend have broken up before then there is a good chance that your ex believes you have talked through your problems and tried to resolve the issues enough times before.

Under circumstances where you have had multiple breakups with your ex it is very likely that he believes that everything that can be discussed, has been discussed already and that there is no benefit in having the same conversation repeatedly.

I remember a time when I broke up with someone many years ago and we got back together a few times. Over the holidays they rang every single day to try and negotiate their way out of a breakup. Eventually I stopped answering their calls because I found it annoying but also because everything about the relationship had already been discussed many times…. I had no new information I could give them.

If you have broken up with your ex-boyfriend several times before, he may think that you don’t need an explanation as you have already had one and know everything there is to know.

5 Feelings That Can Cause Your Ex Boyfriend To Leave You Without Telling You

As with most breakup behaviors, your ex-boyfriend tends to be driven by how he feels more than what he thinks.

This is the next area we will cover to help you understand which emotions affect his decision to avoid explaining your breakup.

1. Uncertainty May Rule Your Ex Boyfriend’s Mind

Sometimes an ex-boyfriend will breakup with you out of the blue and not explain why because he doesn’t know.

That’s right, sometimes an ex can’t explain why they are breaking up with you because they don’t have a tangible reason.

I’ve been in situations before where I have ended a relationship without explanation because I wasn’t sure why it needed to end; I just knew it didn’t feel right on some level.

Trying to explain that you are ending a relationship for no reason, other than you feel you should is extremely difficult, as such your ex may avoid having the break-up and closure conversation altogether.

If an ex-breaks up with you out of uncertainty I would class this as a general breakup possibly paired with some personal issues on his part and would recommend you follow the standard Ex-Boyfriend Recovery plan to win your ex back.

2. Selfish As It Is Your Ex Boyfriend May Fear Hurting Himself

This reason may sound strange but an ex-boyfriend may actually feel hurt when breaking up with you. When a relationship begins to deteriorate and communication turns sour, both parties can say or do very hurtful things in the lead up to the breakup.

If this has happened then there is a possibility that your ex is avoiding explaining the breakup because he is also hurt by what has happened in the proceeding days or weeks.

Discussing his reasons for the breakup will only refresh in his mind the hurtful or disrespectful events that have occurred and he doesn’t feel he can deal with it.

3. Your Ex Bf  May Think He Is Being Ruled By Kindness

This one probably seems bizarre, but sometimes an ex-boyfriend may breakup with you without explanation because they feel it is kinder.

When you break-up with someone, deep down you know that whatever reason you give is going to hurt their feelings.

Sometimes an ex-boyfriend can think it is in your best interests to shield your from their reasoning.

If your ex avoids talking to you about the break-up out of kindness then that is good news, clearly he thinks highly of you and cares about your feelings.

4. The Truth is Often Your Ex Boyfriend Was Unable to Confront His Fear

An ex-boyfriend can breakup with you and avoid telling you the reason why out of fear.

Assuming this is not your ex-boyfriends first relationship he is going to have been through breakups before and even if he hasn’t he knows people who have.

Men know that when they breakup with a woman, there is the potential for the situation to become very messy and that there is a high risk of drama.

Maybe his ex-girlfriends became angry or desperate, maybe they pleaded and cried for hours, if anything like this has happened in the past he will be scared that this might happen with you as well.
When an ex-boyfriend is scared he will either ghost you or give you a false reason for the breakup because he feels you are unable to handle the real explanation.

Breakups of this nature are usually driven by your ex’s perception of your insecurity so that is a key area for you to work on.

5. He Was Feeling Guilt So Your Ex Just Skipped Out

The next reason an ex might end a relationship and not explain why is guilt.

Your ex-boyfriend may avoid telling you the reason for the breakup because his reasoning is something he knows is not pleasant.

Unexplained guilty breakups tend to be caused by secret affairs, other female temptation that he has yet to act on, or sometimes thoughts that he feels are shallow.

Perhaps he thinks you have let yourself go or that he can meet someone better.

Regardless of the details, these breakups are nearly always driven by infidelity or shallow judgement.

If you fall into this category, definitely focus on self improvement and building more attraction with your ex.

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The Top 2 Logical Reasons To Avoid The Breakup

There are some occasions where your ex-boyfriend’s decision to bypass the breakup explanation is driven by logic and I have listed two situations where that might be the case.

1. Your Ex Boyfriend Is Afraid of a Break Up Negotiation

Earlier on we talked about how your ex-boyfriends previous breakups give him an insight as to how you might take the news. When a couple break-up it is almost always true that the person being dumped tries to use logic to win their ex back.

Your ex-boyfriend will probably have experienced this before, it is really common for an ex-girlfriend to try and negotiate her way back into a relationship.

This is done by taking an ex-boyfriends reasons for a breakup and using logic to try and talk him out of the decision; providing counter reasoning to his desire to end the relationship and usually offering to change to make the relationship work.

This in itself isn’t so bad however your ex-boyfriend will have experienced this approach before and most likely seen that even when he has given a girl a second shot, nothing has changed.

For this reason an ex-boyfriend might avoid explaining a break-up to stop you from finding ways to negotiate a comeback.

2. You Boyfriend Just Didn’t Want Any Long Discussions (No autopsies)

I get it…. Some people love closure. They love to dissect a breakup and understand it from every angle, it helps them feel better.

The thing is, not everyone feels that way. Speaking from my own experience I really don’t like talking about a breakup when I am having one, I don’t want to think of all the reasons I don’t want to be with someone anymore.

For this reason, I have always had a no autopsy approach to breakups. I don’t have closure chats whether I am on the giving or receiving end of a breakup, I prefer to focus on what is best for me from that point on rather than reflect on the past.

For me personally I don’t find it constructive to talk about the breakup at length, it makes me feel worse….

I don’t like discussing the breakup and watching someone get upset. I find it unpleasant to see someone I care about feeling hurt. When I breakup with someone I don’t want to be reminded of the good times we had together as it makes me feel like I’m a bad person for initiating the breakup…. The reality is I don’t want to think about the breakup at all at that point in time.

It could be that your ex-boyfriend also has this same “No autopsy” approach to ending a relationship and that is why he has given you no explanation about your breakup.

Summary

Whether your ex has ghosted you or formally broken up with you, there is always a good reason that drives him to avoid explaining why your relationship is over.

The reasons can be driven by anything from the length time you were together, to not wanting to hurt your feelings.

Whatever your ex-boyfriend’s reasons for the breakup, it is clear that right now he is not ready to open up to you.

If your ex is avoiding explaining the break-up then you should avoid pushing him for an answer, the best thing you can do is continue with your no-contact period and work on becoming the best version of yourself so that you can to help attract him back when the time is right.

62 thoughts on “Why Do Men Break Up With You Without An Explanation?”

  1. Teresa

    October 27, 2018 at 11:24 pm

    Hi so ive been having a hard time with my ex we dated like a year ago he left me with no explantion. i was always thier for him treating him right Loving him making him happy he will be really sweet and nice too but he cheated on me a lot of times and of course i got hurt i got back with him even if he did something stupid but. i feel like he had a hard time telling me how he feel and i feel like he had a rough life as well but i know that he love me and me too but. i dont understand why he left me with no explantion its been a long time i havent heard from him im in a new relationship right now im happy and in love but why does my ex boyfreind name come in my head or have dreams or one time i thought i saw a guy that looked like him. i love my new boyfreind yes but i will never let go how much i love my ex. when he left me like a year ago and say a week later one of his freinds text me saying hey your boyfreind is on vaccation he wanted to let you know that he love you soo much and misses you i reply saying oh tell him i love him too and to be safe and to please text me so when i wanted to text his freind he block me and i havent heard again from him idk if that was him or his freind saying that but i was happy when i heard he misses me and love and well i just wanted to let this out thank you for this article you wrote i learn a from it.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 28, 2018 at 4:22 am

      Hi Teresa!

      Thanks for dropping in to say hello and I appreciate you kind words. You are a real gem!

  2. Taylor

    October 2, 2018 at 3:47 am

    Hello there,
    It was really out of the blue. Basically in the time we’ve been dating he initiated everything, he told me he loved me first, said I was the best thing that happened to him. He always geeked over me, like there wasn’t a time he didn’t say I was his perfect girl, prettiest girl he had ever seen, his love. He always said I can’t chase him away he’s stuck with me now. He asked me to move in with him too. I said isn’t it abit too fast and that I don’t want the same thing happening like it did with his ex but he reassured me that we are different and that wont happen. He reassured me with everything Said it’s always been me. All of this, stuff I never expected, like I’m not a fan of fairy tale stuff but he said it. I met his whole family, was there when things got real tough for him and eventually I let my walls down and fell for him. I already got out of a relationship where there was none of that. He asked me to do long distance and I was unsure, but he said we can do this its like 12 trips to your house and mine Auckland isn’t that far. He planned for us to move to Auckland, he moved three weeks ago, he was so grateful I agreed and decided to stick by. I still love him like that wont fade, I’ve never felt this way about anyone so strongly it took me a while but it did happen, he was great at communication like he wouldn’t let us go to sleep on a bad note and talk it out. Like it was such a good relationship, he was really low about a month ago and said I was the only thing keeping him going, he got out of that because he left that job and then the next week he was in Auckland with a new license and new job, new city. I was supposed to move down in two months time. BUT on Thursday there was a job going at his uncles company for me and so I basically could’ve got it I got the email to come down to meet them about it and I had a pretty good chance of getting it, basically did have it and he said just move in with him and his mum until we get our flat. I’ve always been cautious like this thinking everything was moving so fast but he was always so reassuring, kept telling me it’s fine and telling my family and everyone that he cant wait to move in with me, he was just always happy, as was I, he got me, knew how to handle me and guide me and grow with me. So on Friday night after two weeks appart he came over, perfect night, I got him his favourite treats and everything like usual and we were just us, the next morning was great we woke up goofy and giggling and just happy, dropped me off at work and said he cant wait for us to go to work together and come home together, picked me up from work, everything was fine like you can tell when someone was off and he wasn’t at all. Then he came up from his haircut and it took a while like nearly 2 hours, then he came back to mine, we were supposed to meet my family and he said he cant move in with me it was moving so fast and then didn’t speak and I asked if he was breaking up with me and he said yes. Basically he said he cant keep fixing people when he cant fix himself, that he cant do long distance even when I offered to move down there but not with him, he said no it wouldn’t have made a difference He needs to sort himself out and that “he’s going on a different path”, he said the love is there and he still cares. I asked is it the right person wrong time and he didn’t answer and I also asked if there could be something for us in the future and he said he doesn’t want to make any promises he cant keep. But followed with “you were my friend first and will always be my friend, I’ve always considered you as one of my best friends.” We have history, feelings and kinda seem to gravitate towards one another, throughout he kept saying this feels right and it’s kinda like we are meant to be together after everything that’s happened, he said it’s always been me. He knows everything about me and so do I about him. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before and its just killing me because I could be there in two weeks from now. So I’m actually abit low and lost. I’ve picked a little bit from then, because what else and I supposed to do. People said if he felt so strongly about me, he wouldn’t have broken up with me, others have told me it all became too real so he bailed on me. I understand that he would be feeling overwhelmed from everything thats happened in such a small space of time, happening all at once, I want to give him and give me space. Our mutual friend has been from that start said I need to put my foot down and send him something like I deserve a proper explantation as to as why it ended out of the blue, that if he were in my shoes. Now I’m just scared he will be too guilty to talk to me again, and I don’t want that. I still want to be with him because our relationship was so good! It flowed and it felt right and fitting. Could there be a chance after the no contact period that he could reach out? Or want to re-kindle things? We’ve always been friends and we always care about one another, I’m just scared.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 2, 2018 at 3:58 am

      Hi Taylor…that is quite a story. A lot going on! I think it would be a mistake to press for why it ended. Guys do and say stupid things all the time. Its better to go into no contact, implementing it the way I teach. Go pick up one of my eBooks so you are up to speed on the whole post breakup strategy. Its more involved than people realize.

  3. Noreen

    September 22, 2018 at 7:46 am

    I met this guy once and dated him for two days before he want back to his country Japan.When he was in Japan he courted me they text. So I had a long distance relationship with this guy last March and it lasted for a month only. Suddenly I don’t received any text or call from him. The last thing I could remember is we were doing very well, no argument and fights. He’s so sweet and caring and calls me everyday even when he’s busy.after a week I received a call from him and I asked him if we were over,he said NO we are still together,I thanked him for that and I know he can feel that I already love him,but the next morning I didn’t get any messages again. Until a few months I tried to forget him.Just this July 2018 he came back to my country,we talked about what had happened for the past couple of months. We got back together and this September I fly to see him in Japan. I spent two weeks with him(all in his expense) everything was going well,we build memories together and it’s like we are inseparable. When it’s time for me to go back to my own country, Sept 18,2018 we were still talking and exchanging words how sad it is to be far from each other and we even planned that he’s going to see me on November and I will be flying back to Japan on January. But on the 20th of September I woke up without any messages from him up to now. My messages hasn’t been read. I tried to call but he never picked up. Now I’m really confused what’s going on and I’m having a hard time understanding everything. Please give me some advice.Thank you!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 23, 2018 at 4:52 pm

      Hi Noreen!

      Not sure what is going on with him. Perhaps wait a week before reaching out again.

  4. Pauline

    August 27, 2018 at 12:49 am

    Hi there
    My partner of 2 years has been ghosting me over the last few weeks. No forewarning that something was wrong. It seemed to be going well despite the temporary long-distance we had to go through. I thought it was nothing we couldn’t handle, especially since we had been making plans to spend our life together before the long-distance. Then complete silence, no response to calls except one where he said he was busy and loved me which I found hard to believe. He probably met someone else and didn’t have the courage to tell me. In hindsight, maybe him leaving even temporarily was an excuse. Just took me a while to realise as I was so sure of us and he was the person I wanted to grow old with.
    Whatever the reason, I’m feeling deeply hurt by his attitude but I don’t want him back. I am still deeply in love with him and may always be to some level. But I deserve so much better than to be treated so disrespectfully by someone I’ve invested so much with. There can be no future with someone I don’t trust nor respect anymore. I just wish the excruciating pain I’m feeling was over. Any suggestions?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 27, 2018 at 3:41 am

      Hi Pauline….I understand why you would feel so hurt. What he did was wrong. I agree with your sentiments. Your focus should be on healing. Watch some of the podcasts I have on this site that can help you in this regard. Also, my book, “The No Contact Rule Book” (247 pages) deals with healing and recovery in depth.

  5. roxar

    August 16, 2018 at 7:23 am

    He ghosted me, we had 2 dates and text rel in 6 months. after 6 months of no contact, he went back to his ex.he was 1.5 years rel with his ex I was the rebound girl. he blocked me and left me without any reason. but wondering why he chases me on the street. whenever he sees me on the street he comes closer to make sure I can see him in his car. even he turned interior lights on at night to make sure I can see him. but he is with his ex and happy.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 17, 2018 at 2:23 pm

      Hi Roxar!

      I know that is hard being ghosted and rejected like that. And I know its confusing when he come on to you. You are so much a better person than him and can find someone much better for you.

  6. nikita

    May 9, 2018 at 11:29 am

    hi chris
    the reason he broke up with me so he said- coz he doesn’t love me. and perhaps he didn’t love me at all (I almost laughed at his face).
    I would like to know if he does answer to all my sms really fast but won’t suggest anything – should I apply another nc?
    we broke up 2 months ago after 3 years, i haven’t pleaded, 24 days of nc, and one meeting to take his stuff from me, and suggestion coming from him to go to a movie – which didn’t happen.
    we both over 40. I’m older than him…
    in my texts to him I’m very nice, correct, but not suggesting anything more – because I want him to really want me and I know he is on rebound for sure, he is very stubborn and Repressing things….
    I really think we meant for each other. we have a lot in common.
    what to do?
    thanks…

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 10, 2018 at 1:47 am

      Hey Nikita….yeah..guys can say really stupid things. Half of the time, they are not that connected to what they really want or what is best for them. Other stuff can get in the way and they end up deluding themselves. You are right…the NC process is to help improve your value as he realizes over time that what he use to take for granted can be potentially lost. It also allows you to reevaluate, based on developments, if you wish to invest any more in the relationship. Even the stubborn ones will eventually find the truth that is inside them if it is being repressed.

  7. Janay

    May 3, 2018 at 5:07 pm

    My boyfriend broke up with me because he thinks I love to start drama.When reality I just only told him what happened but he went to confront the girl. He blames me for her back lashing abt the situation when he didn’t have to contact her in the first place. He also wanted to be done because I usually vent to my friends and try to get guidance. My friend became angry because he mentions her everytime we argue. So she confronted him but he blames me for wt she did when all I did was tell what happened. Everybody says I’m not in the wrong and that he is I know this. We are not talking, he took me off Snapchat but still has me on Twitter, instagram, and Facebook, what could that mean? Just him wanting to see what I’m doing or not losing all of his feelings for me? He has cheated on me more than once by talking to multiple girls , but I forgave him and was willing to work on it with him. But he dumps me for something little? Plz help

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 3, 2018 at 9:32 pm

      Hi Janay…it seems he wants to keep the indirect lines of communication open with you. I really think you should pick up my ebook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery” and come up to speed on how to proceed going forward. I think No Contact is in order given the history between you. Your ex has some serious thinking he need to do as this cheating behavior is toxic to any relationship. But more importantly, you need the space to clear your mind, heal, and get more grounded. You may feel differently about him later. We’ll see. So go my website Menu/click Products link and learn more about some of the resources available to you. If you are going to execute a plan, you what it to be based on an effective strategy so you can better your chances.

  8. Anon

    April 28, 2018 at 3:48 pm

    Hi EBR,

    I have been back together with my bf for a few months now (thanks to you) after being broken up for about a year. However, lately I feel him pushing away from me… Emotionally and physically. He won’t tell me what is wrong and keeps saying everything is fine. If he is having doubts about us/me…what do I do?

    Thanks.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 28, 2018 at 11:34 pm

      Hi Anon…some guys just don’t open themselves up emotionally, so it can be hard to tell what he is really thinking. Avoid pressing the topic for now and see if his demeanor changes. Sometimes pressing a guy too much can be a turn off. Eventually, if something is bottled up inside him, it will come out.

  9. Jayne

    April 24, 2018 at 8:56 am

    I dated my ex for 6 months but we had known each other for nearly 25 years, it was a ldr of some 3000kms, we seemed to be good although he came on pretty strong as did l, (yep, passion crash and burn) bought me presents, paid for me to fly over to see him, told me l was amazing and that he loved me, we both had an awesome time! He started to shift the goalposts (even though he continued to ring me every night) saying he was looking forward to ‘me time’ after getting out of a 12 year relationship although they had been in seperate bedrooms for 5 years, he came back to our hometown to clear out his house as he had to sell it to settle with her, when l asked what was going on as he seemed to want me on his terms, he got up and loudly exclaimed that he never wanted a girlfriend again! The he said she said, needy/clingy and then told me l had to go, he left town without another word, l’m 47 and he is 60, l’m a bloody catch and he knows it, we have had sporadic contact over the last 6 months initiated by me which pretty much led to talks about the amazing sex we had, which l got sick of and he was all over my Facebook feed.
    After 6 months he sent me Valentine’s Day flowers with a note from ‘your secret lover’ our last conversation was me saying l was going to block him on Facebook for my own wellbeing, he replied saying l love you and always will but l can’t give you what you want (full committed love). I can’t tell whether l’m dealing with a narcissist or an emotionally unavailable man and if he does need time on his own is he likely to come back to me? l’m a lot better now but the heartbreak was excruciating, how can a human being do that to another human? just get up and take off! especially when the two of you were madly in Love!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 24, 2018 at 3:15 pm

      Hi Jayne….some guys are into themselves and just mainly their own needs. Seems like doesn’t want to be tied down based on his words and actions. I am glad you are doing better. Focus on those things that bring you fulfillment in your life. There are so many paths you can take and you know deep down you don’t need him in your life to be happy. As more time goes by, you will likely gain an even fuller perspective of whether you want any interactions with him anymore.

  10. Hannah

    April 23, 2018 at 2:58 am

    Hi, just wondering if you could give some insights into the quiz on your chances of getting back with an ex? Is there an ideal percentage that has a high likelihood of getting back together? What’s the number that you’d recommend to move on? I got 43, does that mean I should give up? Looking forward to your reply!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 23, 2018 at 5:05 am

      Hi Hannah…great question. A score of 43 is in the average range. Most folks have about a 35-45% chance of getting back with their ex. Of course it varies for each couple depending on a host of variables. Those percentages can improve quite substantially if you have a plan or Guide (such as my core ebook) that shows you all the ropes of what to do and how to do it and when. Don’t give up Hannah until your have exhausted all of the Tactics discussed in my ebook.

    2. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 23, 2018 at 5:05 am

      Hi Hannah…great question. A score of 43 is in the average range. Most folks have about a 35-45% chance of getting back with their ex. Of course it varies for each couple depending on a host of variables. Those percentages can improve quite substantially if you have a plan or Guide (such as my core ebook) that shows you all the ropes of what to do and how to do it and when. Don’t give up Hannah until your have exhausted all of the Tactics discussed in my ebook.

  11. Ronena

    April 20, 2018 at 7:10 am

    I can relate to this article but it hurt so much he left me for not logical reasons after telling me that he is ready to take our relationship into the next step in the same month he left me I was in a very good 5 years relationship I don’t know what to do I talked to him several times and nothing changed all of his friends are telling me that he is fine and not even sad a little, this is another thing that I cannot handle I am not talking about a month or year we was together for 5 years he wasn’t just a lover but a father a brother and my best friend, I cannot imagine proceeding my live without him and it hurt so much I feel worthy, deeply inside I know that I didn’t do anything wrong and that’s makes me feel even worse, last time I called him I told him that I want to feel bad I want you to tell me a reason that I deserve to be left for he didn’t answer, how could someone stop loving suddenly when he at the same month decide to take the relationship into the next level, could I get over it and be normal again I cannot even smile all I felt is pain.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 20, 2018 at 4:20 pm

      Hi Ronena…5 years does put down roots so you can leverage that. I know the pain is bad..it hurts so much. Do this for me. Start a journal and write down your feelings and your story. It will help remove a lot of your pain that is inside of you to the page. Its very therapeutic and will help you in many ways. As to the breakup, going forward you want to have a plan. So take a look at one of my comprehensive Companion Guides (Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro) that can help you with your plan going forward. Just go to my website Menu/Products link to learn more about some of the resources. But is it very important you undergo some healing and my ebooks will help you with that.

  12. amy

    April 18, 2018 at 11:39 am

    Hi! So I need some desperate help with my ex situation! This is probably WAAAY too much info – but I’m desperate

    A quick recap on our relationship and what happened through the last 6 months of our relationship was unbearable. Basically he is an elite sportsman and so am I.
    From the very beginning he chased me for a year, he asked me to be his girlfriend after a month or so of dating, he said I love you first, he asked me to move in after 3 months (I didn’t until we were together 6 months) we only slept together once we were official. He constantly talked about getting married and having kids and being together forever.

    Then August 2017 I fell pregnant and due to the fact we weren’t ready, I had a termination. I was then emotionally trying to come to terms with everything that made me seem like a different person. Not long after I was diagnosed with an AVM in my uterus.
    His position in his football club was threatened, he was told he had to leave the club and then they also said he might not play in one of the finals games which screwed him around mentally.
    They said he was leaving then he played one of the best games of his career and then they said he cannot leave after he mentally came to terms with leaving and finding a new home etc ..
    He then went down to Melbourne where he is from and
    His parents then sold the family home and the family beach house and relocated, his dog was then hit by a car and ran away for a few days.
    He came back to Sydney and he was a different person, he was so angry and agressive all the time. Did not appreciate me or a single thing I did for him, we were fighting all the time, having shitty sex and then we went to Perth for a wedding where we had a huge argument and that’s when I went he’s going to break up with me soon.
    He left to go to Melbourne then we broke up on the 23rd of December 2017, 2 days before Christmas, on my mums birthday, over the phone and he was drunk. He was in Melbourne and I was in Sydney. I moved everything out of his house and moved back to my parents.
    We didn’t speak for 2 weeks while he was away in Melbourne with his family, as soon has he gets to Melbourne airport to come back to Sydney he calls and messages 5 times within 5 minutes. I answered and he wanted to see me and talk about everything.
    I saw him and we cried and argued and spoke and a stupidly slept with him. His reasoning was “he had to push me to do things in life” he hated that I would be home when I got home, I wasn’t doing enough in my life even though I work as a model, I’m an athlete that trains everyday and I am at university, I would cook, clean and do washing but I still wasn’t doing anything?

    For about a month he was begging for me back, going well and truly out of his way, being better than he ever was, he said he missed me and loved me and wanted to be with me and then it suddenly slowed down. I then got into his Instagram and he later found out and was very angry but we continued to work of things and of course I continued to sleep with him.

    Then we started fighting a lot again, says he wants to be with me, I’m the best person he has ever met, his feelings haven’t changed but right now he cant commit. I go away for work and he’s like I wish I was there with you, I miss you, I feel like you’re done with me, I just want to talk to you. So he is really contradicting himself!! Says he doesn’t want to fall back into the same hole we were in, but the only reason we fight is because he won’t commit and I’m not feeling secure in what were doing.

    When he was in Melbourne a few weeks ago I saw his snapchat location and it was at a house he was going to a lot over the 2 weeks we weren’t speaking I searched it on the white pages and it came up with his first girlfriends name and now I have no idea what to do ..
    I haven’t told him I searched it, I’ve asked about the house and he said it is his friend house even though I have proof it is not. I just desperately need help.

    I am still so in love with him, and I want him back but I don’t know if I should move past this ex girlfriends house situation or if I need to bring it up with him.

    Sorry about it being so long! Obviously there was a lot more of him begging to see me and be with me but this would be a 60 page letter!
    Thank you in advance (its quite a unique situation)

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 18, 2018 at 11:01 pm

      Hi Amy! Up and down relationships can put strain on the couple, but there is always upside potential if you have a well thought out plan to execute. By the way, it might help you to start a journal. Just writing down your thoughts can be therapeutic and help clear the mind and discover things about yourself and what is important. Taking some time to heal and get some perspective will also help. Have you picked up a copy of my ebook, Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro (website Menu/Products Page) as it is incredibly comprehensive and would likely help you. It appears there is still a lot more in this relationship chapter story to be told.

  13. Lola

    April 16, 2018 at 4:01 pm

    Hi, Could you advise me what should I do in my case. My ex broke up with me 1 year ago. Since that time we were always in touch, sometimes pretending to be friends but most of the time just arguing. but still we were pretty close. After 8 months I got into relationship with his friend, not very close but still friend. We kept it secret and during this time I didn’t want to talk to my ex and I was in no contact for about month. I texted him after a month to ask for my money back and told him I’m seeing someone else. Suddenly he said he love me and wants me back and we will fix everything. I told him it’s impossible cos I’m with someone else and told him it’s his friend. He got very mad, said very bad things about me and him. Told me my bf was cheating on and many other things he knew about him as they were friends. I broke up with the guy and told my ex I wanted to try again but he didn’t want to after I was with his friend.. It was round Novemeber. We were always in touch since then. Most of the time me trying to convince him to forgive me and come back He said I did he worst thing I could do and betrayed him, he said I could find any other guy but I chose his find to hurt him and he can’t even look at me anymore. Since January things got better, we met couple times and have sex. Every time after we seeing each other we argue cos I want commitment and he still saying I’ve ruined everything. He wants to be friends but saying we have this sexual connection like with no one else so he can’t help himself when we seeing each other. But he can’t forgive me. Last week he told me he’s seeing someone cos he’s trying to move on like I do. He still wanted to sleep with me thou when I went to get my things from his flat. I got mad again and told I will leave him alone now. We talk yesterday, he’s always making some nasty comments about my ex – his friend and he told me he can’t even enjoy sex with someone else cos thinking about me. He was upset cos he have problems in his life right now and he opened up to me which he almost never do. I was happy he came to me with his problems but asked about his girlfriend he said he trust me cos we’re friend and know me long time. But I flipped out, told him he’s asking me for help also financial help, so I’m taking all the crap and she’s taking benefits. I told him to stop games, to leave her and come back to me cos I love him and we can fix things, He got upset and told me he thought we are friends even if he’s seeing someone else he can talk to me. I told him that I’m sorry and it doesn’t seem like we have the same feelings and block him. What should I do? I’ve tried no contact many times but we can’t keep it longer than a week. I don’t even know if this girl is real or he’s just making it up. He is a very handsome man, he can have any girl he wants but he’s not a player type. We are still really close, we have great sexual attraction. It seems like he won’t forgive me but he was the one who left me in the first place an I wasn’t seeing someone after 8 months of a break up. It’s been more than a year now and we still in the same situation… Please advice what to do

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 18, 2018 at 12:54 am

      Hi Lola! Yep….lots of history here. That can be good and bad. But having a plan and executing it can optimize you chances. Being close and sexually attracted is important. I think you should pick up a copy of the No Contact Rulebook or my ebook, Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro and really get up to speed on a plan and learn about the benefits of No Contact. 1 week often doesn’t get it done. He seems to be working through his complicated feelings and you should learn more about optimizing the Principle of Phsychological Reactance. To learn more about some of these ebook resources, you can go to my website Menu/Products link. Yes, its unclear to me as well as to whether she is the girl for him. Time will reveal the truth.

  14. Cara

    April 13, 2018 at 5:20 pm

    Hi,
    Isn’t one major reason guys break up without an explanation is because they want the opportunity to COME BACK in case it doesn’t work out with some other girl or they work out their issues? In other words other guy friends have told me that most guys will NEVER burn a bridge if they think they can get sex from an ex girlfriend? Is that true and then how does one reconcile that with if they do come back…it doesn’t feel good to know they only saw you as a option?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 14, 2018 at 3:29 am

      Yes, Cara..I think some guys operate with that kind of mindset. But it is sad if they behave this way because of what you said. He would want them back if they are so classless.

  15. Bianca

    March 12, 2018 at 1:26 am

    I had been with my boyfriend for 5 months now. My boyfriend recently just broke up with me at random, I had seen him on Thursday night and everything fine he was normal and happy and we were happy he told me he loved me and nothing could seriously have been any better. After I left I hadn’t been receiving texts from him as well as him not returning my calls. I got scared and began to constantly call and text because I was confused and didn’t know what was going on. I ended up venting to a friend and told them my situation recently with my boyfriend. They had gotten mad and had a go at him because that wasn’t acceptable to them. My boyfriend later dumped me that night, I don’t remember what he said much because I didn’t really read into it because I was freaking out. All I can remember was that he had been thinking for a while and he doesn’t think the relationship could continue but he was proud of me for what I have achieved in my life so far. I had lived with him for the past month because of family problems and is dropping out of school, I’m back at home now and I’m now trying the no talk fase because I hold onto the hope that if he seriously loved me over time he may miss me. He never showed any sign that he was going to leave me if he stayed the same and happy.

  16. Misunderstood

    February 9, 2018 at 8:46 am

    I feel hurt that someone broke up with me out of the blue. Since I feel like I tried to be the best girlfriend I can be, why would I want someone who could not respect me enough without giving me a proper explaination. It seems like we have always change and alter ourselves for someone’s liking. I just wanted and deserved an explanation. There is no reason to attempt to win him back.

  17. Eliza

    January 12, 2018 at 8:02 pm

    I think this website have all the excuses to don’t move forward, it is really wrong to make a plan to win someone back, someone should chose to be with you, you don’t need a plan or anything. Best advice MOVE ON !!! You don’t deserve this, why would you want to be with someone without the bravery or empathy to talk to you like a normal mature person, be free!! Lots of great guys out there. You should focus your effort in self love and understanding of the situation to move forward. Don’t make the same mistake twice.

  18. m

    December 18, 2017 at 9:07 am

    hi, I was in relationship with this guy for 7months, before that datd him for 4 months. we fought last two months, he tried, I tried but because of my insecurities , I blew it. now he doesnot want to be in a relationship. he is going through a rough patch , want to focus on himself. how to get him back. I have begged and pleaded, still answer is no

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 20, 2017 at 7:36 pm

  19. m

    December 18, 2017 at 9:03 am

    hi ,
    I have been into a 8 month relationship with this guy, I proposed him . he was very sweet and caring frst , then after some months , I got insecure , I never met his frnds formally , though he said they know about me. two three months back our fights got worse. we used to fight for small things, I told him about my insecurities , he said he couldnot help me , I will only have to overcome them. he used to help frst , now heis also going through a rough patch in his life. he ended it and is saying he cannot be in the relationship now. I have tried , begged but to no effect. he said , he doesnot want to cut me off his life, we can talk if we want to . but he doesnot reply to my texts. what to do

  20. Madri

    December 6, 2017 at 1:36 pm

    Hi, my ex and I have been dating for 5 years, everything was going well and we were happy, or at least I was. His behavior changed for about a week and he started to avoid me then he broke up with me saying he’s unhappy and this is all he could think that would make it better. After a few days he said he made a mistake and just needed space, in the meantime I should go out with friends and do things I like. I did that and ran into him one night when I was out with friends. He didn’t say anything and then texted me the next day saying we should break up because he is not the man for me. He’s seen how happy I was when I was out with friends and felt that I should focus on my self improvement. I am now at day 4 of the no contact rule, why did he break up with me? Will he come back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 11, 2017 at 4:31 am

      Hi Madri,

      Did he meet somebody else, or did something new?

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