Have you just broken up with your ex-boyfriend? Has your ex ghosted your relationship? Are you clueless as to why your relationship has ended abruptly, without warning?

Don’t worry…. As always, I am here to explain what is going on in your ex-boyfriend’s mind and help you to understand why he has ended your relationship suddenly and has not explained why.

I mean, really, why do men break up with their girlfriends without offering an explanation?  Simply right out of the blue.  You don’t see it coming.  And when he tells you it’s over, he hardly offers a word of explanation.

They deliver the bad news and you are left crushed.

So if you are looking  for the quick answer, I will oblige!

What Possesses My Boyfriend To Break Up With Me With Little Warning or Explanation?

Your Answer:

You boyfriend is either afraid, immature,  in denial, cowardly, insensitive, self possessed or a combination of those things and cares so little about your feelings or how this terrible news is going to impact you, he proceeds anyway with giving you the bad news in the hopes of getting it over with as quickly as possible.

As you probably will agree, anytime your boyfriend pulls a stunt like this, there is not just something wrong with the state of the relationship, but there is something wrong with him. Breakups are hard enough to deal with.

When you have to deal with the pain of not knowing what you did wrong (if anything) and why he just dropped you from his life  and gave up on even trying – never mind  his failure to explain why he is behaving with such cruelty – it makes the breakup recovery period all the more difficult.

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Why Does It Hurt So Much When Your Boyfriend Breaks Up With You Out of the Blue

left me out of the blue

No girl wants to be in the dark.  When your boyfriend leaves you standing alone and wondering “what did I do wrong”, it is a low blow indeed.

Some men cannot seem to grasp how such a break is not just emotionally disabling to his girlfriend, but sets up a bitter conflict for the future.

Not knowing why your boyfriend broke up with you out of nowhere is a big part of it.  But breaking up no matter the cause or reason, whether it’s shared or not, is always the thing that pulls you way down.

But guess what.  I have some solutions for you!

What To Do When Your Ex Boyfriend Suddenly Leaves Without Warning?

This question is the common refrain I hear from women whose boyfriend has left them high and dry with no warning or explanation. These painful questions women ask come in all forms, but there is a common thread. They want to know:

1. What causes a man (or my boyfriend) to abruptly end a relationship that otherwise seemed to be doing well?  I am left holding the pieces in my hand.

2. Why did my boyfriend leave me without explanation or even a note telling me why its over?  It’s unfair and maddening that he would have so little regard about how I felt.

3. Why do guys break up with you for no reason?  They up and call it quits leaving you confused,  blaming yourself, and losing confidence along the way.

4. My boyfriend just left me without telling me and I not sure if I will ever be the same again.

5. My boyfriend just left me without a word, dumping me without an explanation.  He has no idea how humiliating this makes me feel.

Should I Just Tell My Boyfriend I Hate Him For Leaving Me Without Explanation, Completely In the Lurch

Clearly, when break up chaos unfolds in such a way, it is like your heart has been torn from your body. The rejection from your boyfriend leaving is difficult enough to deal with, but to have to spend countless days wondering what happened – what you may have done wrong – and why he could treat you so cruelly just leaves your emotions scattered to to the wind.

But before you do anything, like charging out of the house to confront him or text your boyfriend a dozen times, just take a step back, slow down, and seek ot understand what might cause him to do this.

Because understanding your boyfriend’s reasons for ending the relationship  suddenly, out of the blue, is going to help you with what you decide to do next.

But I Really Want My Boyfriend To Suffer For Breaking Up With Me Suddenly and Leaving Me Heartbroken

I know you feel this way right now and you ought to be mad at him for dumping you unexpectedly.  When a man leaves his girlfriend without telling her why and just goes about his business like nothing is wrong, you may feel like shutting yourself in. You may  start crying uncontrollably or you may even go berserk and try to hunt him down, demanding answers for why he dumped you out of the blue.

My advice is not to give in to those angry voices and passions rising up in you.  Don’t call call your boyfriend insisting on an explanation.  Don’t jump in your car and drive over to his place and throw a fit over him leaving you with no warning or explanation.  Not even a heads up.

Just pull back from all that break up chaos.  Realize what your boyfriend did was a classless act and probably tells you more about who is and what he is about than you realized.

But before passing final judgement on what this guy did to you, seek first to understand his motives and underlying behavior.

The Top 3 Ways Men End Relationships Without Warning or Really Telling You the Truth

no warning of leaving you

For the remainder of this article I am going to be explaining the main reasons why your ex may have ended the relationship without warning or explanation. The topics we will cover are as follows:-

  • The three types of break ups that result in broken hearts without explanation.
  • The relationship status prior to your boyfriend suddenly bolting without warning
  • The feelings that affect his behavior and how they can trigger impulsive decisions.
  • His reasons (logical or not) for avoiding telling you the truth about the breakup.

Let’s just dive right in and start talking about the three different types of breakups,

But before we dive in and talk about why your ex-boyfriend may not have given you an explanation for your breakup, I want to briefly talk about the three different ways your ex-boyfriend can break up without warning.

  1. Ghosting You Until Your Are Gone From His Life
  2. The Nothing Really is Wrong Type of  Breakup
  3. The False Truth Ending to the Relationship.

1. What Is Ghosting and How Does It Connect With Your Ex Boyfriend Leaving You Without Saying a Word?

Ghosting is the process of freezing you out, either slowly over a period days or weeks, or alternatively overnight. Either way your ex will be ignoring your efforts to continue the relationship, he won’t respond to texts or phone calls….. he will just vanish, like a ghost.  In many of these cases, you never get an explanation for why he ended the relationship.  It just ends without a note, a message, a phone call, a text, or any other form of communication.

It is like your boyfriend has disappeared  into the night and the relationship between the two of you never existed.  And that is the way he wants it.  To confront any hard truths about himself or you, would mean he has to discuss things and explain things.  And perhaps, he is not that kind of guy who is open with you or himself.  Perhaps your boyfriend is the kind of guy who just would rather delude himself that his actions of breaking it off with you without notice or explanation didn’t hurt anyone, so no one is to blame.

This is perhaps the toughest of the three methods your ex might use to breakup with you without explanation as it can leave you wondering if you are still together.  When your boyfriend just slithers away leaving you completely confused and broken hearted, it adds to the suffering.

You know that already because you are experiencing it first hand.  Your boyfriend has not yet learned this truth, because he is hiding it.  He is avoiding it.  But sooner or later, you ex will have to confront the truth which is he dumped you unceremoniously, completely out of the blue and not only was it a cruel act, but his own guilt will eventually come back to haunt him.

2. Did Your Boyfriend Pull “The Nothing Breakup” On You?

The nothing breakup is where your ex makes a feeble effort to break-up with you, but actually provides no reason at all as to why he wants to end things.

The nothing breakup is usually done via email or text message to avoid providing further detail or discussion on the matter.

This naturally will leave you feeling totally confused as to why your relationship has ended and he is certainly has little interest to fill you in on the details.

3. What Is The False Truth?

The False Truth breakup is where you ex boyfriend breaks-up with you formally but gives you a vague, deceptive or fictional reason. This might include phrases like :-

  • “It’s not you it’s me”
  • “I need to find myself”
  • “You deserve better”
  • “I like you too much”

All of these are reasons your ex might provide you with to mask the real reason why he is ending things.  It is like the coward’s way out type approach to breaking up.

3 Reasons For Why Your Ex Boyfriend Will Avoid Explaining Why He Wants To End The Relationship

Now that we have talked briefly about the methods an ex might employ to avoid explaining a break-up, let us progress to the reasons your ex might quit a relationship without explanation.

Reason #1: Brief Relationships

The first reason that springs to mind when I hear that an ex-boyfriend has ended a relationship without explanation is to blame in on the reasoning that the relationship was brief, hardly worthy of an explanation.  Of course this is a bunch of bull.  You boyfriend knows this and you know this.  But being in a delusional state, he tries to get away with it.  He figures, its better to lean on this reasoning than have to do something this is hard and uncomfortable….like telling my girlfriend why I am breaking up with her.

If you were in a casual relationship, or have only been on a few dates with your ex then it is quite likely that your ex-boyfriend feels that the situation does not warrant a proper breakup or an explanation.

There is a period of time when all couples start seeing each other where they are dating but not yet in a serious relationship.

During this time an ex-boyfriend may feel that giving you an official breakup is inappropriate or weird as it is too soon to require it.

If you were in a texting relationship or had only met face to face a handful of times then it is very common that an ex-boyfriend will end the relationship by ghosting for this reason. If you are in this situation then your key area of focus should be on building much more attraction with your ex-boyfriend.

Reason #2: Was Friends With Benefits The Excuse Your Ex Boyfriend Used?

I always recommend that people steer clear of friends with benefits arrangements as they are neither friendly nor beneficial. I recommend not becoming friends with benefits because it is so easy to “catch a case of the feels” and then someone gets hurt.

Men and women view sex very differently in the friends with benefits situation, most women link having sex to developing feelings…. whereas for a man, having sex is linked to wanting more sex.

In a friends with benefits situation this can often lead to a mismatch of expectations in the relationship status as time goes by.

If you were in a friends with benefits arrangement with a guy and he ended it without an explanation it is likely that he noticed a shift in your desire for a more traditional relationship.

Due to the casual nature of your relationship he may not have felt you were owed a formal breakup, this is especially true if he had been clear at the start that he did not want a relationship.

If you were in a friends with benefits relationship then I recommend you focus on building mutual respect and demonstrating the values he wants in a girlfriend going forward, this is because the attraction and rapport is already in place to some degree.

Reason #3: Does He Think The On/Off Relationship Gives Him License To Act So Cruelly?

This reason is exactly how it sounds. If you and your ex-boyfriend have broken up before then there is a good chance that your ex believes you have talked through your problems and tried to resolve the issues enough times before.

Under circumstances where you have had multiple breakups with your ex it is very likely that he believes that everything that can be discussed, has been discussed already and that there is no benefit in having the same conversation repeatedly.

I remember a time when I broke up with someone many years ago and we got back together a few times. Over the holidays they rang every single day to try and negotiate their way out of a breakup. Eventually I stopped answering their calls because I found it annoying but also because everything about the relationship had already been discussed many times…. I had no new information I could give them.

If you have broken up with your ex-boyfriend several times before, he may think that you don’t need an explanation as you have already had one and know everything there is to know.

5 Feelings That Can Cause Your Ex Boyfriend To Leave You Without Telling You

As with most breakup behaviors, your ex-boyfriend tends to be driven by how he feels more than what he thinks.

This is the next area we will cover to help you understand which emotions affect his decision to avoid explaining your breakup.

1. Uncertainty May Rule Your Ex Boyfriend’s Mind

Sometimes an ex-boyfriend will breakup with you out of the blue and not explain why because he doesn’t know.

That’s right, sometimes an ex can’t explain why they are breaking up with you because they don’t have a tangible reason.

I’ve been in situations before where I have ended a relationship without explanation because I wasn’t sure why it needed to end; I just knew it didn’t feel right on some level.

Trying to explain that you are ending a relationship for no reason, other than you feel you should is extremely difficult, as such your ex may avoid having the break-up and closure conversation altogether.

If an ex-breaks up with you out of uncertainty I would class this as a general breakup possibly paired with some personal issues on his part and would recommend you follow the standard Ex-Boyfriend Recovery plan to win your ex back.

2. Selfish As It Is Your Ex Boyfriend May Fear Hurting Himself

This reason may sound strange but an ex-boyfriend may actually feel hurt when breaking up with you. When a relationship begins to deteriorate and communication turns sour, both parties can say or do very hurtful things in the lead up to the breakup.

If this has happened then there is a possibility that your ex is avoiding explaining the breakup because he is also hurt by what has happened in the proceeding days or weeks.

Discussing his reasons for the breakup will only refresh in his mind the hurtful or disrespectful events that have occurred and he doesn’t feel he can deal with it.

3. Your Ex Bf  May Think He Is Being Ruled By Kindness

This one probably seems bizarre, but sometimes an ex-boyfriend may breakup with you without explanation because they feel it is kinder.

When you break-up with someone, deep down you know that whatever reason you give is going to hurt their feelings.

Sometimes an ex-boyfriend can think it is in your best interests to shield your from their reasoning.

If your ex avoids talking to you about the break-up out of kindness then that is good news, clearly he thinks highly of you and cares about your feelings.

4. The Truth is Often Your Ex Boyfriend Was Unable to Confront His Fear

An ex-boyfriend can breakup with you and avoid telling you the reason why out of fear.

Assuming this is not your ex-boyfriends first relationship he is going to have been through breakups before and even if he hasn’t he knows people who have.

Men know that when they breakup with a woman, there is the potential for the situation to become very messy and that there is a high risk of drama.

Maybe his ex-girlfriends became angry or desperate, maybe they pleaded and cried for hours, if anything like this has happened in the past he will be scared that this might happen with you as well.
When an ex-boyfriend is scared he will either ghost you or give you a false reason for the breakup because he feels you are unable to handle the real explanation.

Breakups of this nature are usually driven by your ex’s perception of your insecurity so that is a key area for you to work on.

5. He Was Feeling Guilt So Your Ex Just Skipped Out

The next reason an ex might end a relationship and not explain why is guilt.

Your ex-boyfriend may avoid telling you the reason for the breakup because his reasoning is something he knows is not pleasant.

Unexplained guilty breakups tend to be caused by secret affairs, other female temptation that he has yet to act on, or sometimes thoughts that he feels are shallow.

Perhaps he thinks you have let yourself go or that he can meet someone better.

Regardless of the details, these breakups are nearly always driven by infidelity or shallow judgement.

If you fall into this category, definitely focus on self improvement and building more attraction with your ex.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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The Top 2 Logical Reasons To Avoid The Breakup

There are some occasions where your ex-boyfriend’s decision to bypass the breakup explanation is driven by logic and I have listed two situations where that might be the case.

1. Your Ex Boyfriend Is Afraid of a Break Up Negotiation

Earlier on we talked about how your ex-boyfriends previous breakups give him an insight as to how you might take the news. When a couple break-up it is almost always true that the person being dumped tries to use logic to win their ex back.

Your ex-boyfriend will probably have experienced this before, it is really common for an ex-girlfriend to try and negotiate her way back into a relationship.

This is done by taking an ex-boyfriends reasons for a breakup and using logic to try and talk him out of the decision; providing counter reasoning to his desire to end the relationship and usually offering to change to make the relationship work.

This in itself isn’t so bad however your ex-boyfriend will have experienced this approach before and most likely seen that even when he has given a girl a second shot, nothing has changed.

For this reason an ex-boyfriend might avoid explaining a break-up to stop you from finding ways to negotiate a comeback.

2. You Boyfriend Just Didn’t Want Any Long Discussions (No autopsies)

I get it…. Some people love closure. They love to dissect a breakup and understand it from every angle, it helps them feel better.

The thing is, not everyone feels that way. Speaking from my own experience I really don’t like talking about a breakup when I am having one, I don’t want to think of all the reasons I don’t want to be with someone anymore.

For this reason, I have always had a no autopsy approach to breakups. I don’t have closure chats whether I am on the giving or receiving end of a breakup, I prefer to focus on what is best for me from that point on rather than reflect on the past.

For me personally I don’t find it constructive to talk about the breakup at length, it makes me feel worse….

I don’t like discussing the breakup and watching someone get upset. I find it unpleasant to see someone I care about feeling hurt. When I breakup with someone I don’t want to be reminded of the good times we had together as it makes me feel like I’m a bad person for initiating the breakup…. The reality is I don’t want to think about the breakup at all at that point in time.

It could be that your ex-boyfriend also has this same “No autopsy” approach to ending a relationship and that is why he has given you no explanation about your breakup.

Summary

Whether your ex has ghosted you or formally broken up with you, there is always a good reason that drives him to avoid explaining why your relationship is over.

The reasons can be driven by anything from the length time you were together, to not wanting to hurt your feelings.

Whatever your ex-boyfriend’s reasons for the breakup, it is clear that right now he is not ready to open up to you.

If your ex is avoiding explaining the break-up then you should avoid pushing him for an answer, the best thing you can do is continue with your no-contact period and work on becoming the best version of yourself so that you can to help attract him back when the time is right.

What to Read Next

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125 thoughts on “Why Do Men Break Up With You Without An Explanation?”

  1. Avatar

    Lisa

    May 18, 2020 at 9:21 am

    My ex boyfriend of 10 years and my boss at work ended our relationship in lockdown he was at his home and me mine , it came out of the blue he was fine before he went back home . Ghosted next then finally on the 14 April came to tell me with 2 pathetic reasons but we’re all my fault . He kept phone contact with me thought there was hope but now I know there isn’t I am dreading going back to work

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 20, 2020 at 10:02 pm

      Hi Lisa, make sure that you follow a no contact, limited when it comes to work reasons. You need to prepare yourself for working with your ex but as long as you remain composed and professional it should be easier over time.

  2. Avatar

    mzladything

    May 11, 2020 at 11:14 pm

    Ello,
    I read your article. Maybe I’m in denial but I’m not sure what happened. My boyfriend and I been together for 5 years. Longest relationship he was in. He was living with me and my kids until he had to move out do to my custody battle ( was together for 3 years then). He moved out cause my ex husband was saying false things about him. We was seeing each other. He was staying with me every other weekend. My court battle finally ended in January. When he had to move his depression got worse and he started drinking heavily. Which I said he couldn’t move back until he could get his drinking under control and get a job. I thought everything was doing well. Even thought of him moving back. He was over a few days ago and I thought it was fine. Talked about going to a concert. Talked about getting our anxiety and depression under control. He didn’t want to stay the night with me. After a few hours ( I was asleep) I got a few text. They didn’t make since. I text back normally no answer ( which isn’t unnormal when depressed or drinking). Tried call to tell him I talked to my landlord about him moving back and he blocked me. We fought about his ex girlfriend he never blocked her so I thought he would do it to me. We agreed to always end it face to face. So I’m not sure why he did it. He said he sees us getting married when he gets a newer car and money saved for a ring and the next day did this?? Is it really over or just need space.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 20, 2020 at 11:56 am

      Hey there, I would suggest that you allow space and time to pass to see what he does next. Follow the information about No Contact for 30 days and then reach out with a text that Chris suggests when you have completed the 30 days

  3. Avatar

    Katie

    April 20, 2020 at 4:24 pm

    Thanks Chris- I have been finding your blogs very helpful and they have given me a good insight into what goes on in a mans mind! They are helping me feel more positive and optimistic too 🙂 ..Love how you have a blog for almost every feeling/situation/event, will keep coming back! ..me and my ex were not officially together but dated for around a month, have now realised it will take time for things to eventually get back on track and some work and self discovery will help.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 20, 2020 at 10:32 pm

      Thats great to hear Katie. I am so glad the information here is helping you

  4. Avatar

    Tara

    April 14, 2020 at 2:52 am

    Hi! Desperately need some advice ,

    A week after an amazing Valentine’s Day my boyfriend broke up with me . It was completely out of the blue and the only reason he gave was that he didn’t see it going long term and that he just had a feeling that it should end . I have been doing no contact and working on myself for the past month and I still want him back . We got along great and we only had maybe two arguments but other then that at least for me everything seemed fine . Not sure what to do . I had keys to his house and everything so it basically felt like we lived together. I want to text him because I have something of his to give back . Any advice ?? Thank you!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 14, 2020 at 11:12 pm

      Hi Tara, it sounds more as if he is having grass is greener syndrome, work on yourself for soem time following the information about the Holy Trinity and then reach out after 30 days NC

  5. Avatar

    Elle

    April 13, 2020 at 2:31 pm

    My ex boyfriend left me last December without any explanations.first he started ghosting me for days.not answering my call or anything.I was very concerned.and thought something had gone.wrong so I got in touch with his mom to which he lived with.she was no help at all.so I decided to visit his work place unexpectedly to my suprise he told me it had nothing to do with me.it was his fault but he needed his space so he had to move out of his mom’s house.And after which he stated giving me silly excuses.please help.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 14, 2020 at 10:08 pm

      Hi Elle, I would suggest you stop chasing him and take some time in NC where you work on yourself Accept that he is going through a hard time at the moment and that he needs the space. I would complete a 45 day NC and work on your Holy Trinity and then each out with a text that Chris suggests, do not go to his place of work again as this is going to get you labelled as the stalker ex and that is the last thing you want if you want to get him back

  6. Avatar

    Dianna

    March 27, 2020 at 6:42 pm

    My ex boyfriend broke up with me about a month ago and I am just devastated. We had a good relationship… to my knowledge. My friend was talking with me about it and she said sometimes people might be feeling one way and we might never know. This greaks me out! Anywho, the night he did it he did do it in person, however, he also decieved me by acting like he was coming over for a normal Saturday night and so cruelly broke up with me. At first the reasoning wasn’t so bad because we were going different paths in the sense that I’m 35 and desire marriage and family and he is still pursuing his music and couldn’t seem to see that he could pursue that while progressing us further. We were together almost 2 years. It was 4 months shy of 2 years so that’s more than a year and a half! But he also said he just wasnt into this anymore and didnt love me anymore which I had no idea about. Aside from us going different paths, I had no idea anything else was wrong at all. We were literally soul mates! I’m just so devastated! I saw so much more of a future with us. I never thought he would blindside me like that

  7. Avatar

    Jillian

    March 7, 2020 at 4:04 am

    Hi my ex and I broke up about 3 weeks ago out of nowhere. We had been dating for about 7 months and I know he had expressed some concerns about maybe not knowing if I was the one about 4 months in but realizing that it was wrong later. Anyway 3 weeks ago when he broke things off he didn’t really clarify. He just said that he had been going through some high functioning depression and felt like him being sad was bringing me down too and that he didn’t know what to do. That I was the longest relationship he ever had and he has never felt this way about someone. But that somethings wrong with him and he doesn’t know what. How he thinks I’ll be better off without him, happier, more successful etc. i confronted him a week ago asking him to clarify on where we stood if he just needed time apart and he said that he thinks at this point in time it’s best we just be friends. Idk what to do. I am so hurt and just heartbroken. I loved this man with alll my heart and that’s all he has to say. He can’t give me anything else. No reason at all. He won’t even meet up with me to discuss it. Help!!! What do I do.Continue the no contact period, just not talking to him.

  8. Avatar

    Sophie

    February 15, 2020 at 12:05 pm

    Me and my ex broke up 2 days ago. He called me and just simply explained “he’s not happy in the relationship anymore” and said it’s nothing I had done. We’ve argued and we’ve had a lot of ups and downs in the 15 months we were together and this isn’t the first breakup. I’ve respected his wishes to not contact him. What I’m very concerned about is that as he suffers with his mental health, I will naturally worry about doing something to cause him to spiral or take out of context and push him away completely.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 17, 2020 at 10:46 am

      Hi Sophie, so I would make sure that you make sure his friends or family are aware of your worries, other than that you need to stick to No Contact work on yourself in that time and then reach out with a text that Chris suggests once your 30 days are over

  9. Avatar

    Channy

    January 18, 2020 at 3:35 pm

    I’m just really left so confused because I had been seeing this guy I met online and things were really good. He would initiate all the dates, was super affectionate even in public and just an all round gentleman. He even let me in on his hobbies, taught me how to play etc… We spent one full weekend together and it was amazing. Truly the best weekend I’ve had in a while, then a day later he sends me a long text out of nowhere detailing how he just doesn’t “feel” like we’re meant to be together and he wishes me well because I’m such a wonderful girl and he isn’t doing this to hurt my feelings. No warning at all. He seemed as happy as I was the whole weekend. I just feel he didn’t even give us a chance to get to know each other more. I was hopeful and now I’m just confused and disappointed!

  10. Avatar

    Louise

    January 17, 2020 at 12:41 pm

    Hello,

    I’m hoping for some advice. It’s been 6 weeks since my ex broke up with me. We were arguing a lot and he kept saying if we keep arguing he is going to walk away. We were planning to move in for ages and for some reason he starting getting cold feet. When he ended it, he did it very quickly and wouldn’t let me talk to him and said he was “done” talking. He collected all of his stuff and left and turned his phone off that day.

    I tried to contact him but he said he needed space so I gave it to him and then a day later he messaged me asking to meet up. We met up a week after and things were getting back on track and I mentioned I threw a poem out as it was a reminder and it made me sad and then because of that he told me he was done, and it would be pointless getting back together and I would always worry. Again, we never had a proper conversation and every time I tried to message him, he said he needed space. Then when I tried to ask him he gave me a list of reasons about being compatible but still said he loves me etc. Before this he was telling me he would contact me in a couple of months and he still has hope for the relationship but I am wondering if that is just words. Then he blocked me on everything and said to leave him alone for a while, I replied and then he said it’s better if we have no contact and I have spoken to him since. I am just a bit confused whether I’ll here from him again and why he had behaved like this after so many years. I believe that he did a similar thing to his ex a few years before me but he said our relationship was different. I don’t know why he hasn’t had a proper conversation with me, when I asked he sort of blamed it on me and only really explained reasons over text but I’m not sure what are the right reasons as he was giving me mixed signals?!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 18, 2020 at 10:58 pm

      Hi Louise, try giving this article a read to see if it is helpful to you with the mixed signals, https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/decoding-the-mixed-signals-from-your-ex-boyfriend/

      As for what to do right now, you need to follow the no contact rule, and work on being ungettable.

  11. Avatar

    Keisha

    January 8, 2020 at 1:19 am

    I would really like some insight on my situation:

    My ex came out of military training saying he started talking to someone else and that he’s in a relationship with her. Before then we went on break around the summer time and had on and off arguments during the summer as well. In the end we ended up being calm and still being in communication from ending August until while he was in camp. And through it all, we texted occasionally and flirted. Then he came out of camp saying he’s in a relationship with this girl. Though he was talking to both of us during the timeframe. Now he’s blocked me on social media except Facebook and iMessage. And he barely gave an explanation as to why he would leave me like this. What is his reason?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 11, 2020 at 6:51 pm

      Hey Keisha, his reason he has told you, he met someone else and more likely the other person does not want him talking to you, his ex, so him blocking you is more likely going to be for that reason

  12. Avatar

    sally

    January 7, 2020 at 7:12 pm

    My ex broke up with me 4 days ago, and some explination was given but vage, and slightly contradicting.

    Our relationship was going well we would say we loved each other often, and over the christmas period we shared it together and invested in a lot of gifts.

    He has been struggling with work, and thus with not in a good head space, and i casually brought up future. Then one morning via text i said he could have space if he needed as he didnt want to join plans with friends. LAter that day he asked me to come round for lunch, even telling me what was in the fridge and as soon as I walk In he ends the relationship. Saying he doesn’t love me, and can’t give me the love I deserve, He sees no future with me, or with anyone and doesn’t do relationships well and doesn’t want to be with anyone and been feeling like this for a while. That’s it. I’m confused because I don’t know if he is down and thus it’s a reaction to that, or if he is telling the truth. In the space of what seems a few days he changed his mind, without even a hint that anything was wrong with us. Work has been bad for what i feel may be the ‘long time’. I’ve reached out to say i’d like to understand what happened, but he hasn’t replied to my email.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 7, 2020 at 10:33 pm

      Hey Sally as hard as it is, you do need to complete a No Contact, even though you want to understand more whats happened you have just accept what it is, that he is not wanting to be with you right now. Read about what the Ungettable girl is on this website and implement that to your life in all areas you can.

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    Shamini

    January 7, 2020 at 6:27 am

    Hi, my first love/ fiancé of 8 years (it would be 9 this 25th jan), just had to end this relationship 3 months before our solemnisation. The reasons he gave were bizarre like (things I might have said that hurt him, bringing up old problems, my anger issues, things that he did for me where I didn’t seem to appreciate him etc etc), I went to the extent of begging him but I didn’t know I was just pushing him away more. It’s like the first time he felt like ending this relationship. I don’t even understand until now, nor do my friends and family. I’ve always been real and not like something happened before the breakup talks. Now he won’t text or call, I’ve not seen him in 2 months plus and he just cancelled our solemnisation and a flat that we have applied together. I wish nobody ever goes through this, feels like a divorce. Still clueless what big sins I did.

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    Noel

    January 4, 2020 at 2:32 am

    I’m so distressed now as my boyfriend of 3 yrs just recently ended our relationship over Xmas time and it was complete shock to me as of why he only gave me false truths on “Its not you It’s me” . I said I wanted to know the honest reason and he said he really didn’t know and that he thought he could’ve connected to me but he couldn’t but isn’t connecting something early on to know if it is or isn’t? He started to pull away from me in the past months but we generally had a great relationship physically but he kinda lacked on explaining his emotions and feelings. I asked him if it was another woman he said NO. He said that he still wanted to be in my life and was not okay not talking to me but I’m so hurt on the fact that he couldn’t be truthful with me on what I did wrong or what went wrong and for us to want to fix it right now I’m in the no contact rule and he still has things of my stuff at his place so in the future I will be going to pick it up and hopefully he will tell me the real reason but I don’t know why he said that he couldn’t connect with me I’m a very easy-going person and I’m very open with my feelings so I’m just so distraught and just don’t know what to do.

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    Merrily MacIntosh

    November 24, 2019 at 5:17 pm

    I am a widow…my husband was killed in an accident nearly 3 years ago. In late July, August this year a friendship with a work colleague morphed into a relationship. It felt natural and mutual and he was incredibly happy, saying so to me and others, as did I. He basically lived at my place which was never a discussion but a natural progression… I didn’t feel unsure and neither did he. I introduced him to my family and my late husband’s family and he was all about it.. I also met his family and kids…always with affection and sweet acknowledgements, cute text messages…until about five days ago when his behaviour shifted subtly…less kissy emojis, moodiness, etc… I let it go for a few days until I had a full on panic attack and needed to say something to him… to note, before saying anything, he was here with me, did his laundry, hung it up in the closet and so on, with every intention of still being here…I essentially asked him what the change in certain behaviour was about and to clarify, he was working so it was in the phone…he said he was just moody and struggled with downtime, being bored but thanked me for saying something so that he could do better… then he wrote in a text asking if we could talk in person later as he isn’t good with phone feelings… I said sure…when he got home, he basically sat me down and said his heart was somewhere else??? What??? I was literally speechless because we were happy and planning a future…there was an ex but she lived somewhere else but this is who he was speaking about…makes absolutely no sense to me… I swear he had no intention of going anywhere had I not brought it up, but I couldn’t not say something… I’m utterly devastated and confused… he has deep feelings for me I have no doubt… one thing I should mention is that he is a recovering addict , 15 years clean, and this other person is also an addict in recovery …please help me to understand? I don’t know what to do… my heart was fragile and he knew it, knowing my whole story and being a widow

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 24, 2019 at 6:46 pm

      Hi Merrily so if he is telling you his heart is else where, is he telling you it is over? Or is he telling you he is feeling distant at the moment. If you are still together then just give him some head space and you do your own thing. Dont chase him. Showing him you will not run around after him is important as if you were to hassle him and chase him you would just push him away even more than you have.

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    Kaitlyn

    November 20, 2019 at 2:43 am

    I was with this guy for 3 years. Recently we became a little bit of long distance. I’d see him on weekends and he’s been really busy with work and school it seemed to stress him out a lot. Things seemed normal for us though and we were good as always. On our 3 year anniversary weekend he texted me saying he’s lost on everything and he wouldn’t explain. I went up to see him and he told me he’s “lost himself” and that he loves me and that he needs time to reflect and has felt unhappy and out of touch with life for a while now and that this wasn’t my fault. I was left hurt and confused but tried to understand. He also said he needed a break and didn’t say break-up. He said he’d need probably 2 months to himself. A week later I reached out because the reasoning didn’t seem to make sense to me. He also deleted pictures and seemed to be moving on and this confused me because he seemed to be moving on when he called it a break. He kept telling me it was because he wants time for himself and that deleting the pictures hurt him too. He said he was guessing on the time period with needing 2 months and can’t put a time frame on when he’ll be ready. I asked if he’s moving on and if I’m wasting my time waiting around for him and he said I shouldn’t let him hold me back from anything in life and that “he guesses for now” he’s done but later in life we can reconnect. I’m getting more and more confused because he seems confused. He also said he doesn’t want a relationship right now with anyone and just wants to be on his own for now. It really did come out of no where when we were in such a healthy relationship. I don’t know how he could do this and why he would. He broke things off almost a month ago and I haven’t contacted him in 2 weeks. I’m trying to do the no contact but he hasn’t attempted to reach out and it hurts that he seems to just move on easily and not care to check up on me. I feel like the stress of seeing me every weekend to please me and about work and school has made him very stressed. I don’t know if I should wait for him to reach out to me if he ever does again or if I should wait after 30 days to reach out to him. And if I should say how I still feel about him or to keep it brief conversation. I still love him and want him in my life because we were great together I just feel he lost sight of that and it hurts.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 23, 2019 at 10:17 pm

      Hey Kaitlyn so it does sound like you need to complete your NC and in that time make sure you are doing things with your friends and showing through social media you are living your life and getting on with things. When your No contact of 30 days is over and you reach out you need to do so as a friend.

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    Aletha P. Mills

    November 16, 2019 at 5:54 am

    My boyfriend that was so caring stopped talking to me, I called he’s busy. He doesn’t messaged me back when he gets home; more to that he cancels my call.

  18. Avatar

    Leane

    November 13, 2019 at 10:53 am

    Hi, My boyfriend of three years broke up with me to go to Uni, the weekend before he went we spend a great weekend away together, he told me he loved me and when he left for Uni he cried knowing we wouldn’t see each other everyday we had lived together for 18 months. I was still going to see him every weekend and was planning to join him at the same Uni next year.
    He started drinking every night, partying and he cheated on me, with a few different girls.
    We were first loves which hurts a lot. He just text and said he had lost feelings for me, forget him as he wanted to be single.
    I have done no contact for 7 weeks, he blames me and calls me horrible names. I am told he blocked me as he knows I’m still interested in him.
    Will he ever speak to me again? He’s broke contact with all his friends, he’s still enjoying drinking and having sex with different girls. He has changed his personality.
    Will he ever regret what he’s changed into?
    What should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 13, 2019 at 11:10 pm

      Hi Leane, so starting univeristy life is really hard at first when you have a boyfriend/girlfriend the party student lifestyle can take over. But it will calm down and he will then start to miss you. So you need to work on yourself enough so that when he does speak to you again he is seeing you as this happy confident person who isnt sat at home waiting for him. Post to social media showing oyure with your friends and having fun without him

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    Sabina

    November 11, 2019 at 12:00 am

    Hi, I would really appreciate some insight on my situation:

    My ex and I had been dated for a year and everything was going great and progressing steadily. Our anniversary was this week (which we were both excited for). When the day came, he didn’t wish me a happy anniversary and canceled on me due to work (this upset me very much but I didn’t make a big deal out of it). We didn’t talk for the rest of the day and the next day I asked if he could call me. He responds a few hours later saying he’s going to bed and might call tomorrow. So tomorrow comes and he ignores my texts and calls all day and messages me at midnight saying he’s busy and will call tomorrow. The next day he tells me he’s very disappointed in me and will assess the situation and call me the next day. I messaged him a bunch of times asking what I did wrong bc I didn’t do anything but he wouldn’t reply. The last message he sent me was extremely cruel, he said he is no longer my boyfriend and has seen everything he needs to see and is disgusted by me; he never wants to see my face or hear my voice; he will not call me and there is nothing to discuss. I am so shocked. I’ve lost a considerable amount of weight and feel sick to my stomach. He will not answer any of my questions and has disappeared off the grid. All of this social media’s have been disabled/unfriended. This is very unlike him and I didn’t see it coming at all because we were doing so well just days before he got cold with me.

    I texted so many times without getting a response. I want to maintain my dignity by stopping contact but it’s killing me inside not knowing why. I didn’t do anything and I know with all my heart he would NEVER cheat on me. I truly know this. So why… What should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 12, 2019 at 9:15 pm

      Hi Sabina, you need to give him some time with NC and that is going to have to be a minimum 30 days and in that time you need to live your life, do the things that you need to do with your friends and live your life healing yourself from the break up and the hurt that it has caused. There is no telling what your ex has reached this decision to end things but you need to show him you are not at home crying over him

  20. Avatar

    Monica

    November 4, 2019 at 5:37 pm

    Im still in shock right now, as my boyfriend of 2 and half years said he wanted to break up. The last two months weren’t smooth sailing for us, since he was promoted as work and was dealing with a lot of stress. That on top of our long distant relationship, put stress on us. He had less and less time and I expressed to him that I felt neglected, while feeling selfish for even bringing it up. This lead to lots of small fights for about a month. Then out of nowhere it’s like he just stopped trying and gave up. He messaged me less, I couldn’t get him on a phone or video call. Then two weeks ago he asked for space, and kept telling me that whatever is going on is not my fault. After finding pictures of him and another girl hanging out, I confronted him. He couldn’t admit anything and just told me that according to him, we’ve been done for months. His irritation and lack of compassion as to how hurtful this was for me, shocked and broke me. All I could get out of him is that he was tired of the fighting, that’s it. Further on he was pretty vague. It’s like I don’t recognize this man that I’ve loved for the past two and a half years. I feel like his breakup gave me zero clarity or closure. I don’t know what to think or feel. I still love him and I miss him terribly. It’s hard for me to imagine my life without him. I just don’t know what to do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 9, 2019 at 4:04 pm

      Hey Monica, so you need to start with a No Contact and focus on yourself for the short term where you do not speak with your ex at all, for 30 days, and then reach out at the end of that time with a short friendly text where you do not mention your relationship or the break up just ask for his advice something you know he knows a fair bit about.

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