Do you know what the definition of a hypocrite is?

Hypocrite- a person who pretends to have virtues, beliefs or principles that he/she does not actually possess.

Hmm… sounds familiar doesn’t it?

Perhaps an ex boyfriend who gives you mixed signals is a hypocrite?

Well, that is what we are going to be exploring today.

Every single day hundreds of women ask me hundreds of different questions about their ex boyfriends and I have to say that lately I have been noticing a trend. For whatever reason there has been an uptick in the inquiries revolving around exes who give off mixed signals.

For example, it’s not uncommon for me to receive a question like this,

“Chris, I broke up with my boyfriend a few weeks ago but now that a few weeks have passed he is acting like nothing has happened? How do I interpret these mixed signals?”

So, for those of you who know me extremely well (and I like to think that some of you do) any time I see an uptick in questions like this I like to go out and write massive guides giving you as much insight as I possibly can about your ex boyfriend.

Well, here I go again 🙂 .

Welcome To My Mixed Signals Page

welcome

You know the beautiful thing about this site?

(Besides the fact that it’s AWESOME.)

It’s the fact that I can be completely honest with you about your boyfriend and because of that I can help you gain incredible insight into him.

For example, sometimes you can’t fully rely on your friends to tell you the truth because they are afraid of hurting your feelings when it comes to certain situations (like a breakup.)

Not me though…

Nope, I have no problem laying down the law.

I’m an impartial third party with years of experience in the breakup realm (I have seen thousands of situations.)

I’m not a bad guy to have in your corner, huh?

Why is any of this relevant to mixed signals?

It’s quite simple really.

Some of the thought processes that men have when they give you mixed signals may be hard to hear.

BUT YOU NEED TO HEAR IT!

Of course, I wouldn’t be a very good “relationship consultant” if I just left you out to dry without giving you mini solutions to overcome the mixed signals you get from your ex now would I?

Screen Shot 2015-03-17 at 12.40.37 AM

(I spruced up my LinkedIn profile yesterday to include “relationship consultant” since that is technically what I do with Ex Boyfriend Recovery but I digress…)

Here is how I have this page outlined,

Part 1- What Is A Mixed Signal?

Part 2- Why Your Ex Boyfriend Gives You Mixed Signals?

Part 3 (A)- What Your Ex Boyfriends Mixed Signals Mean

Part 3 (B) The Mini Solutions To Your Exes Mixed Signals

I decided to combine part 3 because I figured it would be easier for me to give you the mixed signal and then the solution to the mixed signal in one fell swoop. I mean, something tells me that you would get annoyed if I gave you all the mixed signals in one place and then I made you scroll down the entire page just to see the mini solutions to the mixed signals.

Anyways, I am getting off topic again.

(That tends to happen a lot if you hadn’t noticed)

Lets move on to part 1 of this guide!

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

PART 1 – What Is A Mixed Signal?

mixed messages

I want to play a game with you.

The game is called “role play” and we are going to pretend that we are in a fantasy situation for a moment.

Sound fun?

Good!

The two of us are walking down the street one day when we pass a hat shop. Now, being the very cool person that I am, I am what you would call a certified hat enthusiast. So, as I look at the hats in the window and there is one hat in particular that catches my eye. I like it so much that I go on and on about how I would love to have that hat. In fact, I make such a big deal about it that it seems like that hat is the holy grail of hats.

The exact date when this entire debacle occurs is May 9th.

What is the relevance of that date?

It’s the day before my birthday.

So, being the generous person that you are you go into the hat shop (after I have left) and you decide to buy the hat for me as a birthday present. In your mind you are thinking that you did an incredible job with this present because I made such a big deal about it.

caffrey

Well, on May 10th (my birthday) you give me my birthday present, the hat.

You watch excitedly as I am about to open “the holy grail of hats.”

Your hands shake with excitement as I tear off the wrapping paper…

He is so close to seeing it” you think to yourself.

Then it happens…

I see it.

Except there is a problem.

I look disgusted.

In fact, I look so disgusted that I don’t want anything to do with the hat.

I hate it…

What the heck just happened here?

Well, I gave you a mixed signal about the hat.

I gave you information that led you to believe that I liked the hat when in actuality I didn’t.

That is what the definition of a mixed signal is,

Mixed Signal- A person feeds you information that makes you believe one thing when the reality is that, that one thing isn’t necessarily true.

 The Synergy Between Words, Actions And Mixed Signals

Words, action and mixed signals all have a close synergy if you really think about it.

For example, if you have just broken up with your ex boyfriend and he tells you that he wants absolutely nothing to do with you then his words lead you to believe that he isn’t that into you anymore.

Of course, if the very next week he is hitting on you or acting like a breakup never happened then those two actions will probably lead you to believe that he is still into you.

As a result we have a mixed signal.

Think of it like this, if your exes words and actions do not agree then he is most likely giving you a mixed signal. If his words and actions end up agreeing then he is most likely not giving you a mixed signal. Check out the graphic below to further illustrate this point,

mixed signals

Do you see how this synergy works to decipher whether or not you are getting a mixed signal?

Yes?

Good, lets move on to part 2 of this guide.

PART 2 – Why Your Ex Boyfriend Gives You Mixed Signals

illogical

Join me as we take a trip into the deep recesses of a mans mind.

Let me warn you beforehand though, this trip might be a little frightening for you.

Eye opening but frightening.

Why?

Because I am going to be letting you in on all the deep dark secrets that most men are afraid to tell you.

And you know the best part?

It’s coming from a credible source because I am a man. I know how my kind thinks.

However, before I start let me set this up a little bit.

Last night when I was brainstorming this guide I took out a sheet of paper and jotted down all the reasons that I think an ex boyfriend could potentially have for giving you a mixed signal. When it was all said and done I had determined that there were six main reasons for why an ex boyfriend could potentially give you a mixed signal.

Does that mean that there are only six?

No, in reality there are probably thousands of little reasons. What I ended up doing was picking and choosing the reasons that were most common.

Ok, now that I have that out of the way lets get started!

Reason 1 = He Is Not 100% Sure About You

thats lava

Lets go through a little fake scenario here for a second.

Lets say that during your relationship with your ex boyfriend he was constantly telling you that you were the one, that he wanted to have your kids and that he was going to marry you. However, when push came to shove and it became time for him to step up he didn’t and as a result the two of you broke up.

Now, you took him at his word when he told you that you were the one but his actions didn’t back his words up and as a result he gave you a mixed signal.

Why?

Simple, he wasn’t 100% sure yet about you.

Now, What do you think I mean by that?

For a man to make a deep commitment to a woman he has to feel 100% sure about her.

Getting married, having kids and big life goals like that essentially end a mans bachelorhood forever.

Gone are the days where he can be selfish.

Gone are the days where he can “date around.”

Gone are the days where he can go out and party the night away.

Men don’t give their bachelorhood up very easily.

It takes a special woman to pull him away from it and if he isn’t 100% sure about the woman then he is not going anywhere.

All it takes is one doubt to creep in for him to start questioning you.

For example, lets say that one day your boyfriend asks you to meet him out for a cup of coffee. Now, since you are a bit of an early bird you get there ahead of time and as a result a guy comes up to you and starts flirting with you. It is at this moment (when this stranger is flirting with you) that your boyfriend walks in and sees you and this guy talking.

What does he think upon seeing this?

Well, he probably assumes that you are flirting with this guy and all of a sudden doubts start to creep in his mind.

“How many other guys does she flirt with?”

“Would she ever cheat on me?”

“Do I want to be with someone who flirts around?”

All of these thoughts your boyfriend has happen in a split second and they start to make him question a long term commitment with you.

That is where the mixed signals come in.

He may have told you that the two of you were going to be together forever.

That the two of you were meant to be but when he is faced with a situation like the one above and he starts to question you he begins to backtrack on his word. Of course, you get very confused when you have these mixed signals but it’s not that confusing at all if you really think about it.

It all just boils down to the fact that men don’t want to give their bachelorhood very easily.

It has to be worth it to them.

Reason 2 = He Doesn’t Know What He Wants

I am going to switch gears for a moment here and get a little personal.

Can you guess the last thing I really wanted in my life?

And when I say I wanted it I mean I really wanted it and was ready to do anything to get it.

Figured it out yet?

It’s this gal,

Key-West-Wedding-003 copy

Yup, there was absolutely no hesitation on my part which is how I knew she was the one.

Why am I telling you this?

Because I know myself better than anyone and I know how I act when I don’t know what I want (which prior to my wife I really didn’t know.)

Not a lot of people know this about me but before I got married I was single for a long time.

It wasn’t the fact that I was scarred by a past relationship or anything like that either.

It’s the fact that I was still searching around for what I wanted.

I am not afraid to admit that I gave women mixed signals as a result of this.

In fact, I even backed out of dates at the last minute because in the back of my mind I would be thinking,

“I don’t know if I really want this girl…”

Any small hesitation like that in my mind pretty much hurt any woman’s chances with me.

Hmm…

Perhaps I should be more specific with what I am talking about here.

Ok, a long time ago there was a girl who had a pretty big crush on me and she wasn’t shy about it either. Pretty much every time I saw her she would hit on me and while I was a little flattered with the attention at first I didn’t really have a “sure” feeling about her. To be honest, I didn’t quite know what I wanted so not many women would have made a huge impression on me.

Anyways, this girl would always be pushing for a date with me.

(She came on a bit strong at times.)

Eventually she was so forceful with trying to get a date that eventually I broke down and agreed to go on one with her.

Here’s the interesting part though, as I said above I wasn’t 100% sure about what I wanted so this created a lot of doubts and fears in me that I would be wasting my time on a date with her so at the last minute I would back out of the date and say that there was some other important event I would have to attend (usually I would make it up.)

In other words, I gave her a mixed signal.

Why?

Because I didn’t know what I wanted.

Reason 3 = He Wants To Keep You As A Friend

When you dated your ex boyfriend you gave him certain benefits.

  • Physical Benefits- Touch, hugs, kisses, sex
  • Emotional Benefits- Someone to talk to, emotional support

Obviously now that the two of you are broken up he is no longer going to receive those benefits from you. However, that doesn’t mean that he is going to stop trying to obtain them from you. In this section I would like to specifically focus on the “emotional benefits” and I will leave the “physical benefits” for the next section.

I almost look at being there emotionally for your partner like the safety nets you see at the circus with the flying trapeze.

You’ve seen the flying trapeze before, right?

If not, it goes a little something like this,

flying trapeze

Now, can you imagine doing this without a safety harness or net and you were in front of a crowd where one mistake could end your life?

The same principle applies to some ex boyfriends after a breakup.

They look at the emotional support that you gave them during the relationship as a safety net and they can’t stand to live without it.

They feel vulnerable and scared.

So, what do they do?

They try to get their safety net back (your emotional support.)

This is where mixed signals come into play because you interpret them trying to get their safety net back as them trying to get you back.

Of course, some ex boyfriend want a lot more than your emotional support back…

Reason 4 = He Is Trying To Sleep With You

fwb coffee

Lets do another fun little role play situation.

Your ex boyfriend breaks up with you and at first he feels confident with his decision.

However, as time slowly ticks away something interesting begins to happen to him. He begins to remember all the good times you had together.

The times you held hands…

Your first kiss…

The first time you made love…

It is at this point that he begins to focus in on the sex part more and more.

(He is a man after all and all men have needs.)

He is enthralled with the memory of your touch.

How you feel…

How you fit…

Pretty soon you have invaded his thoughts and he thinks to himself,

“I have to have her again.”

Now, perhaps I should add a bit of back story here.

The two of you had a lot of problems with finances and you fought constantly over them. In fact, the last fight you had over finances was so bad that it actually resulted in your breakup.

While he still wants you physically he also hasn’t forgotten that fight. In fact, that fight hurt him so much it is his prime reasoning for not getting back together with you 100% in a committed relationship.

So, what does he do?

He decides to see if he can get you in bed without getting into a committed relationship with you.

The mixed signal comes in when you interpret him trying to get you in bed as him trying to commit to you again.

After all, sex is a lot more meaningful to women than it is to men.

Why do I say that?

Because a woman always risks getting pregnant when she has sex with a man. So, for her to give her body and soul over completely to a man is a lot more meaningful than for a man to give his body and soul over to a woman (though that is meaningful too.)

PART 3 – What Your Ex Boyfriends Mixed Signals Mean And The Mini Solutions To Them (A) & (B)

think it means

You will notice that in this section I combined two parts (A) & (B.)

Now, if you are confused as to what this means don’t fret. It simply means that what I am going to be doing in this section is listing the most common mixed signals you can potentially receive from an ex boyfriend and then I will give an in-depth description as to what it going on in your exes head when he gives you the mixed signal.

Of course, most people would stop there but not me. Nope, after I give you the in depth description of the mixed signal I am also going to give you a mini solution as to how you can overcome the mixed signal.

Why am I doing this?

Because you need to know how to approach a situation where you get a mixed signal. Too many women freak out and run around like a chicken with it’s head cut off when they feel the brunt of a MS (mixed signal.)

I don’t want that to be you.

I want you to be prepared.

Lets get started.

Mixed Signal #1 – He Breaks Up With You (Says He Loves You Post Breakup)

in love with you

I can’t tell you how many times women come to me saying something like this,

“Chris, my ex and I just broke up a few weeks ago and he recently just got back in touch with me and told me that he loves me. Of course, it’s been another two weeks and he hasn’t even responded to any text message or phone call since… What is going on?”

In my opinion what really matters here is when he says he loves you.

What do I mean by that?

Lets take two situations.

Situation 1- Your ex boyfriend says he loves you 1 week after the breakup.

Situation 2- Your ex boyfriend says he loves you 6 weeks after the breakup.

When you look at these two situations which one do you think is more powerful?

Situation 2 is.

Why?

Because if your ex boyfriend says he loves you right after the breakup he is still highly emotional and the feelings of an emotional person can be a little bit inconsistent.

He can hate you one moment and love you the next.

While he may mean it I would still take everything he says immediately after the breakup with a grain of salt.

Of course, when you look at the other situation, situation 2, the chances are a little bit higher that he means what he says.

Why?

6 weeks have passed after the breakup.

That is roughly a month and a half.

It is more likely that emotionally he is in a calmer and more logical state. Thus, there are more meaning behind his words.

A lot of women freak out when they get this mixed signal but I have found that in most cases the “I love you” from their ex came 1-2 weeks after the breakup. So, lets just operate under this assumption when we look at the “mini solution” for this mixed signal.

The Mini Solution

The first thing I think you should do is determine when the “I love you” was said.

This way you can get a gauge on how much your ex boyfriend really means it.

Remember the rule,

“The farther away the “I love you” is from the breakup the better.”

Of course, above I said that we were going to operate in a worst case scenario situation where the “I love you” came 1 to 2 weeks after the breakup. Well, in this case it is more likely that your ex boyfriend is shotgunning his wild feelings all over the place and it just so happens “I love you” is one of those feelings.

You know what I have always found interesting about the phrase, “I love you?”

It’s the fact that any time anyone says it they are expecting an answer back.

The answer?

“I love you too.”

So, your ex boyfriend saying “I love you” is almost a way of seeking affection/admiration from you.

He is expecting the normal,

“I love you too” response.

Well, I don’t want you to say it back.

Instead, I want you to say something like,

i love you text

Why should you say this?

Remember, men always want what they can’t have.

If your ex boyfriend tells you that he loves you and you don’t say it back it will raise your value in his mind. Yes, he may be hurt at first that you don’t say it back but in my opinion it is a better option than saying it back.

Why?

Think about what will happen if you say it back.

He will probably be happy for a split second and you will have verified to him that he can still get you whenever he wants.

He isn’t going to chase after something he already has.

(P.S. This even works if he says something like, “I miss you” too.)

Mixed Signal #2 – He Tells You That The Two Of You May Get Back Together Down The Road (Never Comes Close To A Reunion)

right now

This is a common “go to” for ex boyfriends.

Before the breakup is final they like to throw in a simple phrase that most women hold on to for dear life,

“We will probably get back together down the road.”

Of course, when push comes to shove and you are down the road the two of you aren’t even close to getting back together.

This results in a very big mixed signal since you were under the impression that the two of you would get back together.

But what is really going on here?

What does your ex boyfriend really mean when he says,

“We can get back together later.”

Well, the first thing I want to explore is whether or not your ex boyfriend actually means it or not.

While I don’t want to give you a false hope to hold onto I will admit that there are men that really do mean it when they say that they want to get back together later.

How did I arrive at this conclusion.

Through a good friend of mine.

We actually went out for a beer (a few years ago) and he told me something really interesting.

“Chris, I love my girlfriend to death but I am thinking of breaking up with her so I can play the field a bit… She is definitely the one I want to marry but before I marry her I want to get the “single life” out of my system.”

Interesting mindset…

Here is the thing, he was 100% serious. I looked in his eyes and I knew it.

He would have broken up with her and gotten right back with her.

Funny thing is she broke up with him later that year.

The relationship gods are funny like that.

Anyways, generally speaking when a man tells you something like “we will get back together later” he usually doesn’t mean it. Now, that doesn’t mean you can’t get him back you just have to get a little creative.

The Mini Solution

Lets just assume that your ex boyfriend has told you that he will get back together with you down the road.

What is he doing here?

Well, he is stringing you along.

He wants to keep you as a friend (perhaps with benefits down the road?)

All in all I think it’s clear where he is putting you, the friend zone.

So, what is the best way to get out of the friend zone?

You reverse friend zone him.

I actually talked about this recently with EBR 012.

Reverse friend zoning is the art of putting your ex boyfriend in the friend zone instead of you. I like to tell women that an effective way to do this is to treat their exes just like they would with a gay best guy friend.

A woman with a gay guy friend treats that guy friend a certain way.

She will call him up and ask him for favors,

“Hey Gary, I need your help moving into my new apartment.”

She will tell him about the men she might date,

“Gary, you will never believe it. I just met the most incredible guy.”

You need to treat your ex boyfriend this exact way.

Let him experience the friend zone for himself.

Mixed Signal #3 – He Talks About Getting Engaged, Having Kids And Having A Happy Life (And Then Breaks Up With You)

perfect marriage

“Chris, I don’t know what to do… He just broke up with me and I don’t understand. He told me that he was so in love with me. We talked about getting married. We even picked out our kids names. How can he just end things? We seemed so great a week ago.”

This was an email I received today from a woman desperately trying to win her ex back (I paraphrased it a bit.)

This mixed signal is unfortunately a pretty common occurrence in the dating world. Your ex boyfriend, who you love more than anything has just painted a picture of pure romantic bliss for you and you had no choice but to believe him.

Of course, when it really came down to crunch time he is nowhere to be found.

So, what happened here?

Did the idea of a life long commitment scare him?

Possibly, but I think there is a deeper explanation.

Lets look at the facts.

What we know so far if we operate under the assumption that your ex boyfriend has given you this mixed signal is that he has told you,

A. He says loves you

B. He says wants to marry you

C. He says wants to father your children

When most women hear these three things from a man that they are in love with they experience very strong emotions that tie them closer to their man.

When women are emotionally tied to a man life is pleasant for that man.

  • That man will get more sex.
  • That man will feel more admired.
  • That man will feel more loved.

All in all, life is pretty good.

Most men understand this so they will say (A), (B) and (C) to achieve more sex, more admiration and more love from their woman.

Do they mean it deep down?

Maybe a part of them does.

However, for the most part they are doing it to gain “point’s” with you.

So, when a breakup does occur and a woman is confused as to what the heck happened to her life plans with their partner this is usually what is going on.

The Mini Solution

Take everything with a grain of salt.

Do you remember my graph above about words and actions?

(How if the words and actions agree there is not a mixed signal and if the words and actions do not agree there is not a mixed signal?)

Well, I want to apply the same type of logic here.

If your boyfriend is promising you a marriage, kids and a white picket fence then you have my permission to get excited over it because the thought itself is very nice.

However, that’s all it is, a thought.

“I want to marry you…”

“I want kids with you…”

“I want a life with you…”

They are just words.

Your boyfriend hasn’t actually gotten down on one knee and proposed to you.

He hasn’t actually given you kids yet.

He hasn’t actually built a life with you yet.

Until those things actually happen you need to take his words with a grain of salt.

Words mean nothing after all, only actions do.

Mixed Signal #4 – Your Ex Boyfriend Acts Like He Wants To Hang Out With You (But When It Comes Down To It He Never Does)

hang out

I have a lot of experience with this in my life because I have come up with a lot of pretty lame excuses for standing girls up at the last minute.

(I am bad, I know.)

How this mixed signal works with your ex boyfriend is pretty simple.

After the breakup you and your ex boyfriend seem to be making some positive progress towards a reconnection. The two of you are back on speaking terms and have even started flirting a little bit. Of course, he doesn’t seem to be getting the hints that you are dropping that you want him to ask you on a date. So, instead of waiting around you decide to go on the offensive and actually ask him out.

kakistos reach out

Notice how Kakistos (I will give a free ebook to the first person who explains this reference in the comments ) was very receptive to the cup of coffee.

Of course, when Tuesday does finally come around Kakistos sends you this text,

kakistos rain check

Now, in the world we live in everyone has a busy schedule so you decide to forgive Kakistos and decide to ask him out again on Friday.

Again he acts super interested and excited and again he stands you up.

This happens three more times and you start to wonder if he is doing this on purpose.

Is he?

Well, that’s what I am here to help you discover.

My Experience With Standing Dates Up

Lets use me as the benchmark for the average man or in this case your ex boyfriend.

I mentioned above that I have come up with a lot of lame excuses over the years for standing dates up.

(Not proud of it to be honest.)

Well, right now I don’t want to focus on the excuses I want to focus on why I came up with the excuses.

Personally, it was never the fact that I didn’t like the girl.

Every girl I have ever gone on a date with I have always thought in my head,

“I have the potential to like this girl”

However, what would make me use excuses on them was the fact that I would always think to myself,

“I am not sure I have the potential to fall in love with this girl.”

If I wasn’t 100% sure that could happen then I didn’t really want to go through with a date.

You are probably wondering why I would even agree to a date in the first place if I thought I couldn’t fall in love with the girl, huh?

Well, a lot of times I wouldn’t reach this conclusion until right before the date when I had gotten to know the person a little bit better.

So, what I think may be happening with your ex boyfriend if you get this mixed signal from him is that he is having doubts on if he could “re-fall” in love with you again.

Is “re-fall” in love even a word?

Anyways, he may be concerned that the two of you tried it once before, failed, and he doesn’t want history to repeat itself again.

The Mini Solution

Overcoming this mixed signal is a function of overcoming his doubts.

Look, right now it’s clear that he is having doubts that the two of you can fall for each other again.

However, that doesn’t mean that you can’t sway him.

Of course, you can’t just approach him one day and say,

“Kakistos, if we get back together it will be different.”

Men will find this approach too aggressive and instead of bringing him closer you will push him farther away.

Instead, I would say that your best approach to overcoming his doubts is to use his emotions against him.

You want to knew what drew me to my wife?

It was the fact that when I would daydream about her and I together it consumed me. That’s all I would think about for most days. Heck, it’s all I think about still. I mean, I am supposed to be writing a post about ex boyfriends and here I am going on and on about her again.

(Sorry for that… I just love her way too much.)

If you can get your ex boyfriend to daydream about you that way then he will say yes to meeting you in the parking lot of McDonalds for heavens sake.

But how?

How do you achieve this “daydream affect?”

Two words…

Ungettable Girl

If you become his UG (ungettable girl) getting a date with him should be the least of your worries!

Anyways, that’s going to do it for me.

Can you think of any other mixed signals I missed?

If you can please comment and I would be happy to dissect them for you there.

What to Read Next

How to Get Your Ex to Like You

By Chris Seiter | 16 comments

How to Keep a Man Interested

By Chris Seiter | 29 comments

7 Easy Ways to Get a Guy’s Attention

By Chris Seiter | 15 comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

578 thoughts on “Decoding The Mixed Signals From Your Ex Boyfriend”

  1. Avatar

    Katie

    April 16, 2020 at 5:40 pm

    So, gonna be a long comment. Gotta give background.. so, my ex boyfriend it’s been 2 months since we broke up. We dated officially for 2 months but like talked slash dated for 4.. the relationship was healthy, happy, we got along had great chemistry. Legit first man I’ve ever dated I could be completely myself with. We both just naturally fit together it seemed. We never fought only about where to eat stuff like that. So He broke up with me out of nowhere.. blindsided I try to go back to the weeks before the breakup and I can’t figure out what just magically made it happen. Because the week before he was telling me he loved me and wrote a cute letter for Valentine’s Day about how he felt for me so I was incredibly confused. he said he wasn’t in the right mindset to stay in the relationship and I did nothing to cause him to leave but he still cared and loved me but he just didn’t want to hurt me more in the long run if we stayed together if he felt like this.
    I didn’t Initiate no contact right when we broke up. The next day I went to the bar and ran into him talked to him for a bit and helped his drunk butt get home. After that I was still drunk texting, drunk snap chatting (not sure if you’re familiar or deal with people talking about snap chatting) just trying to talk to him even sober too and I was getting the same responses. “I’m not in the right mindset” sometimes he’d text back sometimes he’d snap back for a little bit but it was very inconsistent and he left me on read a lot. This happened for a month.

    After a month of being broken up. He ends up posting something on Facebook a long post about how he’s feeling in life and just that he’s lost and not secure in himself and his job security. That he had to let someone go because he didn’t feel like himself or honestly I’m not even sure what he meant by that the way he wrote it was hard to understand.

    I tried to reach out to him to make sure he was okay cause the post just seemed like he was hurting and finally let it all out. I got some response but that’s it. I tried for a couple days after and even called him while I was drunk to just talk and he was like I can’t give you a relationship right now I’m sorry I broke your heart.
    The next day I started my no contact cause I was like finally I need to let this go. And obviously I broke it as to why im writing here now. It lasted 17 days.

    I ended up Snapchatting just to snap not even knowing if I’d get anything back and not really worrying it I was going to. I end up falling asleep and I don’t reply til the morning. He snapped back ‘hey’ and we continue talking all day long talking about video games and work and the current quarantine.. I felt like I was being awkward cause it’s the first time I’ve gotten anything from him besides “I’m not in the right mindset” in months weeks. And then he stops. The next day I initiate again and I get a picture back and that’s it. I try again later that day and left on read.

    The day after I initiate again. And we talk all day and he’s telling me his plans for the upcoming weeks… and just talking like normal I felt like. So same day… I’m just gonna say I’ve become some what of a gamer.. and I was online playing with my friend and brother and I keep getting invitations to a party from my ex and He’s telling me “I’m adding you for this next game I’m gonna play I’m short of people” and I was like well I’m busy with another game you’re more than welcome to join me if you’d like. And he said I’ll join you after this match.. and he came on and he ended up joining our game and we played for like 2 hrs. And we were talking like we had never broke up or like we hadnt seen each other in months it was so I guess not forced or awkward it felt easy and like back when we were dating.. comfortable.

    So with that I thought wow were getting somewhere let’s see if it keeps going. And same thing snap him in the morning get left on read.. so I don’t snap him again. I wake up to a snap from him The next day and I just roll with it and we talk all day again. And then again get left on read today and last night.

    It’s the weirdest thing. Every guy I’ve talked to every person I’ve talked to about this is even shocked by his behavior because it’s sending mixed signals. And they’re as confused as me because why would he be doing this? Im confused..
    I know I shouldn’t be initiating convo the guys supposed to come back to me since he broke it off with me. And honestly I should just move on and forget the dude but something in me just doesn’t feel done? With the information I gave you, could you give me advice on what to do or why hes acting like this? You’re more than welcome to reach out for more if you’d like. Thank you for your help!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 24, 2020 at 8:01 pm

      Hi Katie, I would say that you can follow this program to get this guy to commit but the hot and cold situation is going to be him not sure what he feels himself. Have you completed a NC at at yet? If not I would do so now. You need to then make it appear as if you are not chasing him anymore, he may prefer the chase. Get him investing in texting, talking, calling you, leading up to a point where you are going to want to meet up

  2. Avatar

    Hazen

    March 28, 2020 at 2:18 am

    So my ex is the one who ended things. He couldn’t get over an incident when one of my friends stole my phone, got his number and texted him. That and some other issues he was dealing with he needed to step back and then ultimately ended things. I knew it wasn’t me… it was clearly him and things he needed to deal with.

    So less than a month goes by and he starts texting me. He texts me every day and does the majority of the initiating. I was so hurt after he ended things I didn’t want to jump to conclusions. He finally initiated seeing me and we end up spending the whole day together with his best friends (who I’ve never met before) well we both got really drunk so you know what happens next. I told him in the morning that my feelings hadn’t changed and not to mess with me. He continues contact for a few days, again doing more initiating than he ever did when we were dating. He comes over unannounced once night hops on a zoom with my friends and we just hang out. We even hang out without sleeping together.. just feels so natural and comfortable.

    Then I mention coming over and staying over at his place and he hits me with “let’s not get ahead of this” because he doesn’t know “what is going on” and that he’s confused after we slept together and that he didn’t realize it meant “getting full blown back together”

    He is the one who initiated everything and I told him from the get go that I couldn’t handle him messing with my feelings again and now he’s the one who is confused. I just don’t know what to do or how to handle him. I told him I would not be a friends with benefits.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 30, 2020 at 11:24 pm

      Hi Hazen, it difficult when we fall into these situations where the paths get crossed. I think your ex was looking for a friends with benefits situation rather than a relationship. So you need to pull back, give it another No Contact, where you allow your ex to work for your attention again, but this time you are not to sleep with him unless you get back into a relationship. Even if it means you do not get drunk around him. Work your Holy Trinity and make him worry he is losing you

  3. Avatar

    Tamara Jenkins

    March 19, 2020 at 11:08 am

    I’m in a weird situation. My boyfriend broke up with me early on in our relationship due to his mental health issues and this sent me into a deep depression I had never experienced before. I did all the wrong things at first like begging etc then learnt about no contact and initiated that. After I sent the right text message we got talking again but he said he was still struggling with depression. So I let him be and hardly heard anything from him. Anyway fast forward to 6 months after the split we got back together but shortly after I found out he had been seeing a ridiculous amount of women during that time and also had been sexting while we were previously together. My trust issues have been way off ever since and dealing with my own mental health has been a struggle but we have been incredibly happy for the last 4 years otherwise. Recently though I flew off the handle when I saw he’d been messaging women he barely knew and though they sounded sweet and flattering messages I felt it was his way of trying to stroke his own ego in the hopes of moving to more sexual messages and that I was never going to be enough for him. When I confronted him he had some kind of panic attack, went to stay with his family a few days and came back. Everything was great again but 4 days later he said he would like to go back to stay for a few more days, I was so upset he wanted to go away again so soon I cried myself to sleep. In the morning he’d gone and he’s not been back for 2 months. We have barely text each other and his replies take days and he says he’s depressed but he hasn’t told me where he is or even that he’s got a job and is obviously not staying with his family. As I hadn’t heard from him for a while I asked him if we were still together. Then he broke up with me by text and said we can’t be together now as we won’t get better while we’re still together. I went immediately into no contact and he sent me loads of messages that day and the next saying he feels like he’s made the worst decision of his life and to answer my question yes we’re still together. I still haven’t answered him but he will have seen I’ve read the messages. He also hasn’t sent anymore since. He also posted a picture of us on my FB saying he loves me and how wonderful I am etc.. And put love hearts on all my posts. I haven’t posted anything since. I don’t know what to do in regards to do I just keep no contact if he seems to have gone back on dumping me and has said sorry. What I really want is him to stop messing me about, pack up his stuff and just come home.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 30, 2020 at 10:53 pm

      Hi Tamara, so yes you need to go into a No Contact to show you respect yourself, you are not going to chase him and you are not willing to put up with messing. This is going to give him space to miss you, consider his choices, and possibly change his mind, in which time you need to focus on yourself and work the Holy Trinity information so that you become Ungettable and in time your ex is going to see how great you are doing without him and regret letting you go

  4. Avatar

    Kath

    March 7, 2020 at 5:20 pm

    Hey
    My ex changed when he got this new job hence why he ended things with me. He was always busy and always working didn’t make time for us.
    He seemed to had changed & stressed to point it was making him drink more.
    I decided to go no contact and after 3 months he said sorry, said he missed me and said he wanted to meet
    me. He said he is thinking leaving this job but his not sure.
    Anyways he planned to meet me but the day of he cancelled on me and said his really stressed out and was held at work. So I said ok no worries. Since he hasn’t made any further plans? Iv given him some space but reached out check on how he is and if he needs anything he knows where I am. He said thank you and said I was amazing and kind. But still no further plans to meet me. Not really sure what to do? Should I back away see if he comes to me? Or should I reach out to him say no effort is being made and see what he says?
    I don’t want to have my time wasted and be texting someone for months on end. I won’t be walked all over.
    Perhaps can give me some guidance?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 18, 2020 at 2:58 am

      Hi Kath, so even though you have done the no contact and an apology form your ex because he knows why the relationship broke down you still need to go through the stages of texting, phone calls etc so get your ex invested in speaking to you again. If you are not interested in following the process you may find that you hit walls often

  5. Avatar

    Tiana

    February 27, 2020 at 2:39 am

    Hi. My boyfriend of 10 years left me almost three weeks ago. He said he was done and over it and it was too late to try and fix anything. I was so heartbroken and caught off guard. I didn’t see any of this happening at all. I felt sorry for myself for a couple days and cried myself to sleep. Then I started reading a lot and getting into my head trying to not let my emotions get the jest of me. We have three children so I knew I needed to be strong for them. By the second week my ex started to see a change in my attitude and how positive I have been. Mind you we are still living together. But now he is showing all these mixed signals. He says he doesn’t want to be together but then he will tell me he cares about me, or he will get frustrated if I say I’m going to stay at a friends house for the night because he told me he wanted space. He also tries to get intimate as well. I don’t know what he is wanting. I’m trying so hard to not show him how hurt I still am and I’m giving him his space and he has come around more but he still says we aren’t getting back together. What does this mean?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 28, 2020 at 9:45 pm

      Hi Tiana so I would keep doing what you are doing, focusing on yourself and showing your ex that you are in control of the situation. Under no circumstances give him any intimacy unless you get back together properly! Let him feel the loss. You staying at a friends is making him worried you are moving on but don’t stop living your life it is going to help you get him back! The stronger and more controlled you are of your emotions the better.

  6. Avatar

    Lesley Pryde

    January 26, 2020 at 10:20 pm

    Hello. Me and my boyfriend split up in 2018. We have 2 kids together. We split up as we kept arguing and didnt have alot time together when the kids came along. We spoke about getting back together. He even asked me to stay over with him and the girls took us to McDonald’s. December last year i slept with him then found out he had a girlfriend. Now they have split up. He still saying he loves me and misses me every day but he hardly messages me and sometimes when i cuddle him he doesnt cuddle me back. What should i do as i still love him and cant move on?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 30, 2020 at 10:42 pm

      Hey Lesley, so I would not sleep with him again as you are going to end up in a difficult friends with benefits situation. I would suggest that you both go out without the children now and again and go to “romantic” settings, but do not be too available to him either. Get him to sit at your place while you go out with girls for drinks. Be the person you were before the children came along and more. I know how difficult it can be (I have two children myself) But showing you are still you, and finding the time together is important if you are going to show him how the family unit and the relationship is going to work

  7. Avatar

    Orchidea

    January 16, 2020 at 7:56 pm

    Kakistos is the superlative of the adjective kakos (κακος) which means bad/mean in Greek.

    My story is simple. 5 year relationship from highschool, 2 years apart with sporadic contact(Now we are both 24). He says he loves me, he wants to go out with me and be friends. But he never actually puts in the effort. He doesn’t act like someone who really cares, even in a friendly way. What I don’t understand is why he wants to keep me at arm’s length. It doesn’t make much sense. Just for the story I would love to have him as a friend, he was my best friend after all. I would like your opinion as an expert.
    Thanks for the article, Chris

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 16, 2020 at 8:14 pm

      Hey there, so the fact he is telling you one thing and his actions are showing another, I am a big believer of actions speak louder than words. right now you need to work on being Ungettable and showing that other men are interested in you and that you are possibly dating someone else, this will either who he does not mean what he is saying, or will force him to take action if he wants to be with you

  8. Avatar

    Adejumo damilola

    January 13, 2020 at 3:55 pm

    my Ex broke up with me for no reason, he said he loves me I’m special but he doesn’t want to waste my time, i know he loves me but I really don’t understand why he broke up with me, w had no quarrels, he just pulled out suddenly saying his busy with life and all

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 13, 2020 at 10:44 pm

      Hey there go into a No Contact and work on yourself, the fact he has told you he loves you but is too busy for you right now shows that he does not value what you had at this point. Read about being Ungettable and what factors you need to add into your life to get your exes attention again

  9. Avatar

    Ani

    January 12, 2020 at 8:41 pm

    Me and my ex were on and off for long time and apparently early in the year January 2019 when he broke up with me i asked if he has feelings for me and he said “no, they’re fading” and after few months we did get back together then broke up and stayed as friends. He left me in August because I kept pushing him away with saying how i know one day he will leave me and he decided to go because he thought it was best but also I have done some stupid things that has hurt him and I think he was thinking about those and he just wanted to leave so he did then i kept chasing him and he ended up coming back again and now here we are friends now but we have this relationship thing like fwb and he sees us as that but I don’t. I really love him and I don’t want him to go. I want to somehow trigger his feelings for me again but How? 🙁 and also yes, recently and even few months back he has been giving mixed signals and it sucks. What can I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 18, 2020 at 3:41 am

      Hi Ani I think you need to work on your self confidence as there is a reason you are insecure enough to feel that he is going to leave you. Starting with that and completing a No Contact

  10. Avatar

    Serah

    October 4, 2019 at 7:54 pm

    My ex boyfriend broke up with me and made it clear we don’t have a future together. We were together for 3 years and talked about kids and marriage. I’m doing no contact but we live together and nether of us have the finances to move out. Also he takes me back and forth to work because I can’t drive. I don’t have anyone else who can take me to work ether. ( Uber, Lyft, taxis are not an option, I’m very concerned with my safety). He doesn’t seem to be bothered about to taking me to work or picking me up… but the mixed he’s giving off are one minutes he rude to me (because I didn’t come home one night and he didn’t know if I needed a ride to work), The next minute he’s offering to buy my food/me food that he’s eating ( I decline nicely), then he’s lusting after women on social media. Then he’s purposely trying to talk to me about things that don’t concern me, or make small talk in the car. Im polite but I don’t say much back because I’m trying to stay in no contact. I don’t know what to do, I just want him back.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 4, 2019 at 9:49 pm

      Hey Serah, so the first thing you need to do is No Contact and learn about what you need to do during that time to make yourself the best you possible. Read through some articles and get yourself used to how the program works. You keeping to Limited NC for a full 30 days and working on yourself before you reach out will give you your best chance of getting him back. IF you can sort out a way for you to get to and from work yourself going forward. he wanted be broken up, let him feel like its broken up.

  11. Avatar

    Bradley

    September 26, 2019 at 8:58 pm

    Me and my ex boyfriend have been broken up for about 5 months now. His birthday was in September and I reached out to him, expressed how I didn’t like how we ended and he agreed and said we should talk once he gets back in town and I agreed. A week after that he hits me up and asked if I was going to be at the bar tonight, I said no and we kinda left it at that. I then hit him up and asked if he wanted to go somewhere to talk and meet up he sounded really interested and agreed to but I haven’t heard anything from him since then and this was 2 weeks ago. It’s for sure a mixed signal, but why?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 26, 2019 at 9:53 pm

      Hi Bradley, mixed signals is a difficult one where he may be struggling with the decision if he wants to see you or not. Sometimes they dont know how to deal with that emotionally so avoid the situation. If you want your ex back I do suggest reading the program and completing a NC and focusing on reaching out the way Chris suggests in articles and videos. I wouldnt reach out and ask for a meet up again unless you’ve worked up the value chain first.

  12. Avatar

    Ami

    September 13, 2019 at 2:14 pm

    My girlfriend of a year broke up with me yesterday. Says she needs to work on herself. Says she don’t want to lose me that this just ain’t it. We live together. I told her I’m fine with the break up seen it coming she I’m perfect and I’ve really shown her how to be treated. She said she loves me but this just ain’t it. Still stops by my work to drop off something to me and trys to be slick and get a kiss then continues to make out with me and such, then when I get off work comes over to my place and still sleeps in my bed cuddles with me. I asked if this is gonna be confusing to her since she don’t know what she wants and she laughs in a cute way and says your funny. When she texts me she still off and on calls me babe and when she called me she did. I know she told her family that she told me this just isn’t it as well. But idk what to think or where to begin I really care about her and she swears she cares about me and that it’s not you it’s me famous line but I know it’s only been one day day two today and we will see how you acts when she wakes up but I need some advice here. She said let’s be friends and possibly we can rebuild and just all these mixed signs I really just feel like she’s playing me but at the same time I feel like she’s be honest idk.

  13. Avatar

    Cece

    September 2, 2019 at 6:12 pm

    One minute my ex says he loves me and that life will never be the same… the next says our relationship was shitty and so was the break up. Lol. He’s the one that did the breaking up. What gives?

  14. Avatar

    Lynn caputi

    August 6, 2019 at 9:56 am

    My fiance and I lived together fir 12 years with my 2 kids, left ny and moved to nc , broke up didn’t talk for a while ,then my daughter had a baby and called him so we were sort of pushed into each other’s lives again, ended up being best friends for 13 years. I met someone new got engaged. The became friends, he invited to a party at his house recently and while there him and I were talking he brought up our past which he refused to talk about all those years before, then said some mean things about how my life hasn’t improved any since I was with him even though he knows I am disabled. What is the point of this?

  15. Avatar

    Shireen

    July 8, 2019 at 8:06 am

    My ex boyfriend is giving a lot of mixed signals he will stalk me on social media everyday & den suddenly he tells my frnd dat he wanna move on..he wanna stop stalking my profile bt he kept stalking me den all of a sudden he asks my frnds abt me asks dem to let him meet me bt as he got to knw dat I have blocked him frm everywhere he got hurt badly n blocked me back bt as he got to knw abt my accident he immediately unblocked n msged me n told me to take care of myself bt again he became cold n distance after some time..first he was saying after the breakup to my frnd dat he still loves me now he said he used to love me now he doesn’t love me anymore & said I was misunderstood I thought dat I still love her..he said dat him & I can never be together again he doesn’t want to come back in my life & said I’m happy widout him & dats gudd & den suddenly he will start complimenting my looks in my absence & again he will fully try to meet & talk to me..at first he was jealous as he got to knw dat a new guy is in my life as best frnd..& since after the breakup he’s showing like he’s having a secret relationship by his Instagram stories n his comments on his posts & when I congratulated him for having a new girlfriend he said I don’t have any girlfriend & I’m not gonna make any girlfriend..he cared for me a bit after knowing abt my accident bt again became cold n distant even if knowing abt my accident..he isn’t ready to forget wat I said to him after the breakup as I was hurt by him badly..he apologised to me for his mistakes bt he isn’t ready to forget my mistakes..once he said after the breakup dat he loves me bt only as bestie n he came in relationship only for my happiness den after some days he said I really loved her as my gf bt I can’t forget wat she said to me after breakup..I don’t knw wat the hell is happening wid me..I was doing NC Rule since 3-4 weeks n was being happy n trying to improve myself bt still there isn’t a bit improvement

  16. Avatar

    Jennifer

    May 8, 2019 at 7:25 pm

    Hi, my boyfriend broke things off a couple months ago and we dated for 2 years. We stopped contacting each other for two weeks but it got harder to ignore him and move on considering the fact that we go to the same college and always see each other around. He texted me weeks after our Break up just to “see how im doing” and i was being dry and he was really affectionate telling me he missed me or he’d text me after seeing him around campus telling me i looked beautiful and he sometimes texts me out of the blue and ends up telling me he wants to cuddle and that im still his and that he was secretly still committed to me,which left me extremely confused. Things were going well between us but just a couple of days ago he started texting me back hours after i would text him claiming hes been “busy” with work but yet everytime i see him around school he doesnt even bother to say hi or give me a hug and just looks the other way. He’s been really distant these past couple of days and it hurts me tremendously not knowing what he wants from me. I havent tried talking to him about it because i know its gonna be a waste of my time. Should i just give up and let him go or try and figure things out with him?

  17. Avatar

    Anonymous

    April 12, 2019 at 6:35 pm

    Hi. My ex-boyfriend and I never actually broke up. Life circumstances drove us 1600 miles apart. Now, this was in the early 1990’s before today’s technology. We found each other again four years ago on facebook. We have been in contact ever since. He tells me that he never stopped loving me. And that for years, he would come home from the club, bar or wherever he was and would always hope that there was a message from me. He also tells me how much he misses me. Keep in mind, this is 29 years later. He has never married. He has no children. He has a fiance, which I had to pull this out of him with a pair of giant plyers, that he gave a ring to seven years ago, has not pulled the trigger. He says he loves me and wonders if I love him. He says he misses me and has never stopped loving me. When i mentioned during a recent phone conversation that i wanted to have one more child, he offered to knock me up. He told me he used to look at me a think about how beautiful our children would be because he thought I was so beautiful. He also has told me that if we had the technology then that we had today, we would still be togeather. He wants to meet up. After 29 years, I am not sure where the mixed signal is, but it must be here, somewhere. I continue to proceed with caution. Thank you for any insight you may have.

  18. Avatar

    Amanda

    August 31, 2018 at 2:34 am

    Hi, thank you for writing this informative article!
    I’m curious what you think of my situation:
    I dated a guy for almost 5 months before we started a romantic relationship. He was in a non-monogamous relationship with his girlfriend with whom he has a 6-year old child. They seem to be staying together mostly for the child amd have been together 7 years. He seems unsatisfued with his relationship with her. They argue and he doesn’t seem to like having sex with her. They seem to be more like good friends that aren’t really in love anymore.
    Anyway, while we were dating, we became good friends and he made me feel very comfortable during that time. Once we started a romantic relationship I fell pretty deeply in love with him quite quickly. He was still in a relationship with his other girlfriend and she became quite jealous after he expressed that he didn’t really want to keep being intimate with her but wanted to be more like friends that co-parented and lived together. They started to fight more and she got more and more jealous over the 3 months that we were in a romantic relationship. It fell apart after those 3 months because she kept threatening to leave him and take their child away if he didn’t continue a sexual relationship with her. This may sound kinda crazy, I know. But I fell so much in love and I am having trouble getting over him. He keeps contacting me and visiting me even though he broke up with me and returned to monogamy with his girlfriend to “save his family”. He doesn’t want to break up his family because he is worried it will hurt his child.
    It has been about 3 months since we broke up. The last time I saw him (a couple weeks ago) he looked into my eyes for a long time, told me he loved me and started crying saying he doesn’t know what to do. Although I limit my communication and visits with him, he tries to be very affectionate with me when he sees me even though he is now supposed to be in a monogamous relationship with his girlfriend. He asks me if I’m seeing anyone every time he gets a chance. And he has asked me several times if we can get married one day (in a somewhat playful way). He doesn’t seem to want to be with his girlfriend forever but it seems he wants to wait until his daughter is a bit older. He seems confused about what to do.
    I feel I have no choice but to let him go because I don’t know what he wants…

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 31, 2018 at 2:57 am

      Thanks Amanda…glad you enjoyed it. So that was a pretty dramatic moment…looking into your eyes and confessing his feelings. But he has a girlfriend. Ummmmm. I would tell him the truth…you are confused by his actions and then move into no contact. I have lots of tools and resources that can help you thru it all.

  19. Avatar

    Amy

    August 30, 2018 at 9:04 pm

    Thank you for writing this informative article!
    I’m curious what you think of my situation:
    I dated a guy for almost 5 months before we started a romantic relationship. He was in a non-monogamous relationship with his girlfriend with whom he has a 6-year old child. They seem to be staying together mostly for the child amd have been together 7 years. He seems unsatisfued with his relationship with her. They argue and he doesn’t seem to like having sex with her. They seem to be more like good friends that aren’t really in love anymore.
    Anyway, while we were dating, we became good friends and he made me feel very comfortable during that time. Once we started a romantic relationship I fell pretty deeply in love with him quite quickly. He was still in a relationship with his other girlfriend and she became quite jealous after he expressed that he didn’t really want to keep being intimate with her but wanted to be more like friends that co-parented and lived together. They started to fight more and she got more and more jealous over the 3 months that we were in a romantic relationship. It fell apart after those 3 months because she kept threatening to leave him and take their child away if he didn’t continue a sexual relationship with her. This may sound kinda crazy, I know. But I fell so much in love and I am having trouble getting over him. He keeps contacting me and visiting me even though he broke up with me and returned to monogamy with his girlfriend to “save his family”. He doesn’t want to break up his family because he is worried it will hurt his child.
    It has been about 3 months since we broke up. The last time I saw him (a couple weeks ago) he looked into my eyes for a long time, told me he loved me and started crying saying he doesn’t know what to do. Although I limit my communication and visits with him, he tries to be very affectionate with me when he sees me even though he is now supposed to be in a monogamous relationship with his girlfriend. He asks me if I’m seeing anyone every time he gets a chance. And he has asked me several times if we can get married one day (in a somewhat playful way). He doesn’t seem to want to be with his girlfriend forever but it seems he wants to wait until his daughter is a bit older. He seems confused about what to do.
    I feel I have no choice but to let him go because I don’t know what he wants…

  20. Avatar

    Nancy

    August 18, 2018 at 3:32 am

    Hi,
    I was together with my exboyfriend for a year, we also lived together and it was amazing! I’m not American (he is) so I had to go home for a while to finish my studies. He loved me so much that he even got to learn my native language and wanted to move to Europe with me. A few weeks before my deprature he became depressed and mean.. I knew he was suffering from depression before but honestly I had no idea that it can be this bad. He literally got upset with anything.. and by the time I was about to leave, I just couldn’t wait to take off and leave him behind for a while. I loved him with full of my heart but couldn’t handle him more and he didn’t even let me to help him. After two weeks of being home he started to call me less often and we got to the point when a whole day passed without talking. I called and told him that this will not work in a long term and asked him if he wanted to break up. He said no and asked me to try to figure things out. Everything was fine for a day and then 2 days later he shot me a super long message about how much he loves me but he has to let me go blablablababla. I only replied: I’m really sorry to hear this. Take care!
    And that’s it.. we went into no contact for 8 months!!!! None of us messaged the other. I was told by my friends that he was seen crying a lot at work after the breakup and he was even asking about me months after we seperated but never contaceted until my birthday when out of the blue he messaged me. I was pissed so I was kinda short with him and we didnt even have a conversation. I was coming back to the US and probably he already knew that. When I got back I bought a car that didnt want to start the next day and I had no idea what to do so I contacted him. I only dared bc he messaged me for my birthday. So all in all, he came over within 30 min and was working on my car the entire day. We had lunch together, he took me home and also wanted me to greet his parents.. He told me that I’m so special and that he still have serious feelings for me.. He even called me babe (as he used to) by accident. It felt like I haven’t even left and we didn’t even break up…. He was super kind and helpful, found a good mechanic for me and we kept in touch and met up a couple of times after that.. He took some stuff from my hood „by accident” so we had to meet up again, when „by accident” he left his car and home keys in my car.. he also tried to find a reason to message me with random stuff and when we hung out he told me that he was going to a class I’d love and I should join him. Also told me that the next time I go to the movies I should invite him blablablaba stuff like that but never asked me out for a real date. I wanted him to fight for me since it was him who messed it up. I got pissed and became distant so he became. Whenever he texted me, he made me talk a lot, asked me to teach him more Hungarian, more about our history, etc. One time he messaged me a 200 year old poem 😀 and asked me to translate it (wtf??) and whenever we got deep into the conversation he just disappeared.. Even if it was him who initiated contact.. I didn’t understand what was going on so I went in no contact for a month and then I messaged him and asked if he wanted to grab a coffe with me. He sounded super excited and told me that he’s looking forward to set a time. I replied him 4 minutes later and he never read my message since then… It’s been a month. He literally hasn’t read my message and it’s been a month………
    I don’t know what to think or do. Should I just let him go?
    He is the love of my life and we had a great relationship besides the last few weeks of it.
    I stayed in touch with his mom during the breakup, sometimes she messaged me and when I moved back to the US she got super excited and she even invited me over to her birthday party (of course I didnt attend since I didnt get back together with her son) but I had the feeling that she knew how his son felt and wanted us to get back together.
    Also when I moved back I got multiple friends telling me that my ex was telling them how much he still loved and missed me and that I was the most perfect woman for him. I was shocked but full of hope and now I have no idea what”s going on..
    I started dating and instead of moving on I just kept comparing the guys to my ex . It got so bad that I came home crying after the last date I had.

    I just have no idea what to do. Should I just wait until he reaches out?
    Thanks for your answer in advance!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 19, 2018 at 12:46 am

      Hi Nancy….that is quite story. Wow….a 200 year poem. Looks to me he was trying to get a gauge of your feelings. I think your focus should be on you and your healing and recovery. You can move on without leaving him behind if in the event he surfaces again. Of course then, you may have a different perspective. And you can do things to reinforce your value from afar as ex boyfriends will often keep tabs on their ex girlfriends. But keep your focus on being the best “you”. He may be blowing it with you, but you can’t control his every decision and you shouldnt have to wait for him and his fickle ways.

1 2 3 12