Do you know what the definition of a hypocrite is?

Hypocrite- a person who pretends to have virtues, beliefs or principles that he/she does not actually possess.

Hmm… sounds familiar doesn’t it?

Perhaps an ex boyfriend who gives you mixed signals is a hypocrite?

Well, that is what we are going to be exploring today.

Every single day hundreds of women ask me hundreds of different questions about their ex boyfriends and I have to say that lately I have been noticing a trend. For whatever reason there has been an uptick in the inquiries revolving around exes who give off mixed signals.

For example, it’s not uncommon for me to receive a question like this,

“Chris, I broke up with my boyfriend a few weeks ago but now that a few weeks have passed he is acting like nothing has happened? How do I interpret these mixed signals?”

So, for those of you who know me extremely well (and I like to think that some of you do) any time I see an uptick in questions like this I like to go out and write massive guides giving you as much insight as I possibly can about your ex boyfriend.

Well, here I go again 🙂 .

Welcome To My Mixed Signals Page

welcome

You know the beautiful thing about this site?

(Besides the fact that it’s AWESOME.)

It’s the fact that I can be completely honest with you about your boyfriend and because of that I can help you gain incredible insight into him.

For example, sometimes you can’t fully rely on your friends to tell you the truth because they are afraid of hurting your feelings when it comes to certain situations (like a breakup.)

Not me though…

Nope, I have no problem laying down the law.

I’m an impartial third party with years of experience in the breakup realm (I have seen thousands of situations.)

I’m not a bad guy to have in your corner, huh?

Why is any of this relevant to mixed signals?

It’s quite simple really.

Some of the thought processes that men have when they give you mixed signals may be hard to hear.

BUT YOU NEED TO HEAR IT!

Of course, I wouldn’t be a very good “relationship consultant” if I just left you out to dry without giving you mini solutions to overcome the mixed signals you get from your ex now would I?

Screen Shot 2015-03-17 at 12.40.37 AM

(I spruced up my LinkedIn profile yesterday to include “relationship consultant” since that is technically what I do with Ex Boyfriend Recovery but I digress…)

Here is how I have this page outlined,

Part 1- What Is A Mixed Signal?

Part 2- Why Your Ex Boyfriend Gives You Mixed Signals?

Part 3 (A)- What Your Ex Boyfriends Mixed Signals Mean

Part 3 (B) The Mini Solutions To Your Exes Mixed Signals

I decided to combine part 3 because I figured it would be easier for me to give you the mixed signal and then the solution to the mixed signal in one fell swoop. I mean, something tells me that you would get annoyed if I gave you all the mixed signals in one place and then I made you scroll down the entire page just to see the mini solutions to the mixed signals.

Anyways, I am getting off topic again.

(That tends to happen a lot if you hadn’t noticed)

Lets move on to part 1 of this guide!

PART 1 – What Is A Mixed Signal?

mixed messages

I want to play a game with you.

The game is called “role play” and we are going to pretend that we are in a fantasy situation for a moment.

Sound fun?

Good!

The two of us are walking down the street one day when we pass a hat shop. Now, being the very cool person that I am, I am what you would call a certified hat enthusiast. So, as I look at the hats in the window and there is one hat in particular that catches my eye. I like it so much that I go on and on about how I would love to have that hat. In fact, I make such a big deal about it that it seems like that hat is the holy grail of hats.

The exact date when this entire debacle occurs is May 9th.

What is the relevance of that date?

It’s the day before my birthday.

So, being the generous person that you are you go into the hat shop (after I have left) and you decide to buy the hat for me as a birthday present. In your mind you are thinking that you did an incredible job with this present because I made such a big deal about it.

caffrey

Well, on May 10th (my birthday) you give me my birthday present, the hat.

You watch excitedly as I am about to open “the holy grail of hats.”

Your hands shake with excitement as I tear off the wrapping paper…

He is so close to seeing it” you think to yourself.

Then it happens…

I see it.

Except there is a problem.

I look disgusted.

In fact, I look so disgusted that I don’t want anything to do with the hat.

I hate it…

What the heck just happened here?

Well, I gave you a mixed signal about the hat.

I gave you information that led you to believe that I liked the hat when in actuality I didn’t.

That is what the definition of a mixed signal is,

Mixed Signal- A person feeds you information that makes you believe one thing when the reality is that, that one thing isn’t necessarily true.

 The Synergy Between Words, Actions And Mixed Signals

Words, action and mixed signals all have a close synergy if you really think about it.

For example, if you have just broken up with your ex boyfriend and he tells you that he wants absolutely nothing to do with you then his words lead you to believe that he isn’t that into you anymore.

Of course, if the very next week he is hitting on you or acting like a breakup never happened then those two actions will probably lead you to believe that he is still into you.

As a result we have a mixed signal.

Think of it like this, if your exes words and actions do not agree then he is most likely giving you a mixed signal. If his words and actions end up agreeing then he is most likely not giving you a mixed signal. Check out the graphic below to further illustrate this point,

mixed signals

Do you see how this synergy works to decipher whether or not you are getting a mixed signal?

Yes?

Good, lets move on to part 2 of this guide.

PART 2 – Why Your Ex Boyfriend Gives You Mixed Signals

illogical

Join me as we take a trip into the deep recesses of a mans mind.

Let me warn you beforehand though, this trip might be a little frightening for you.

Eye opening but frightening.

Why?

Because I am going to be letting you in on all the deep dark secrets that most men are afraid to tell you.

And you know the best part?

It’s coming from a credible source because I am a man. I know how my kind thinks.

However, before I start let me set this up a little bit.

Last night when I was brainstorming this guide I took out a sheet of paper and jotted down all the reasons that I think an ex boyfriend could potentially have for giving you a mixed signal. When it was all said and done I had determined that there were six main reasons for why an ex boyfriend could potentially give you a mixed signal.

Does that mean that there are only six?

No, in reality there are probably thousands of little reasons. What I ended up doing was picking and choosing the reasons that were most common.

Ok, now that I have that out of the way lets get started!

Reason 1 = He Is Not 100% Sure About You

thats lava

Lets go through a little fake scenario here for a second.

Lets say that during your relationship with your ex boyfriend he was constantly telling you that you were the one, that he wanted to have your kids and that he was going to marry you. However, when push came to shove and it became time for him to step up he didn’t and as a result the two of you broke up.

Now, you took him at his word when he told you that you were the one but his actions didn’t back his words up and as a result he gave you a mixed signal.

Why?

Simple, he wasn’t 100% sure yet about you.

Now, What do you think I mean by that?

For a man to make a deep commitment to a woman he has to feel 100% sure about her.

Getting married, having kids and big life goals like that essentially end a mans bachelorhood forever.

Gone are the days where he can be selfish.

Gone are the days where he can “date around.”

Gone are the days where he can go out and party the night away.

Men don’t give their bachelorhood up very easily.

It takes a special woman to pull him away from it and if he isn’t 100% sure about the woman then he is not going anywhere.

All it takes is one doubt to creep in for him to start questioning you.

For example, lets say that one day your boyfriend asks you to meet him out for a cup of coffee. Now, since you are a bit of an early bird you get there ahead of time and as a result a guy comes up to you and starts flirting with you. It is at this moment (when this stranger is flirting with you) that your boyfriend walks in and sees you and this guy talking.

What does he think upon seeing this?

Well, he probably assumes that you are flirting with this guy and all of a sudden doubts start to creep in his mind.

“How many other guys does she flirt with?”

“Would she ever cheat on me?”

“Do I want to be with someone who flirts around?”

All of these thoughts your boyfriend has happen in a split second and they start to make him question a long term commitment with you.

That is where the mixed signals come in.

He may have told you that the two of you were going to be together forever.

That the two of you were meant to be but when he is faced with a situation like the one above and he starts to question you he begins to backtrack on his word. Of course, you get very confused when you have these mixed signals but it’s not that confusing at all if you really think about it.

It all just boils down to the fact that men don’t want to give their bachelorhood very easily.

It has to be worth it to them.

Reason 2 = He Doesn’t Know What He Wants

I am going to switch gears for a moment here and get a little personal.

Can you guess the last thing I really wanted in my life?

And when I say I wanted it I mean I really wanted it and was ready to do anything to get it.

Figured it out yet?

It’s this gal,

Key-West-Wedding-003 copy

Yup, there was absolutely no hesitation on my part which is how I knew she was the one.

Why am I telling you this?

Because I know myself better than anyone and I know how I act when I don’t know what I want (which prior to my wife I really didn’t know.)

Not a lot of people know this about me but before I got married I was single for a long time.

It wasn’t the fact that I was scarred by a past relationship or anything like that either.

It’s the fact that I was still searching around for what I wanted.

I am not afraid to admit that I gave women mixed signals as a result of this.

In fact, I even backed out of dates at the last minute because in the back of my mind I would be thinking,

“I don’t know if I really want this girl…”

Any small hesitation like that in my mind pretty much hurt any woman’s chances with me.

Hmm…

Perhaps I should be more specific with what I am talking about here.

Ok, a long time ago there was a girl who had a pretty big crush on me and she wasn’t shy about it either. Pretty much every time I saw her she would hit on me and while I was a little flattered with the attention at first I didn’t really have a “sure” feeling about her. To be honest, I didn’t quite know what I wanted so not many women would have made a huge impression on me.

Anyways, this girl would always be pushing for a date with me.

(She came on a bit strong at times.)

Eventually she was so forceful with trying to get a date that eventually I broke down and agreed to go on one with her.

Here’s the interesting part though, as I said above I wasn’t 100% sure about what I wanted so this created a lot of doubts and fears in me that I would be wasting my time on a date with her so at the last minute I would back out of the date and say that there was some other important event I would have to attend (usually I would make it up.)

In other words, I gave her a mixed signal.

Why?

Because I didn’t know what I wanted.

Reason 3 = He Wants To Keep You As A Friend

When you dated your ex boyfriend you gave him certain benefits.

  • Physical Benefits- Touch, hugs, kisses, sex
  • Emotional Benefits- Someone to talk to, emotional support

Obviously now that the two of you are broken up he is no longer going to receive those benefits from you. However, that doesn’t mean that he is going to stop trying to obtain them from you. In this section I would like to specifically focus on the “emotional benefits” and I will leave the “physical benefits” for the next section.

I almost look at being there emotionally for your partner like the safety nets you see at the circus with the flying trapeze.

You’ve seen the flying trapeze before, right?

If not, it goes a little something like this,

flying trapeze

Now, can you imagine doing this without a safety harness or net and you were in front of a crowd where one mistake could end your life?

The same principle applies to some ex boyfriends after a breakup.

They look at the emotional support that you gave them during the relationship as a safety net and they can’t stand to live without it.

They feel vulnerable and scared.

So, what do they do?

They try to get their safety net back (your emotional support.)

This is where mixed signals come into play because you interpret them trying to get their safety net back as them trying to get you back.

Of course, some ex boyfriend want a lot more than your emotional support back…

Reason 4 = He Is Trying To Sleep With You

fwb coffee

Lets do another fun little role play situation.

Your ex boyfriend breaks up with you and at first he feels confident with his decision.

However, as time slowly ticks away something interesting begins to happen to him. He begins to remember all the good times you had together.

The times you held hands…

Your first kiss…

The first time you made love…

It is at this point that he begins to focus in on the sex part more and more.

(He is a man after all and all men have needs.)

He is enthralled with the memory of your touch.

How you feel…

How you fit…

Pretty soon you have invaded his thoughts and he thinks to himself,

“I have to have her again.”

Now, perhaps I should add a bit of back story here.

The two of you had a lot of problems with finances and you fought constantly over them. In fact, the last fight you had over finances was so bad that it actually resulted in your breakup.

While he still wants you physically he also hasn’t forgotten that fight. In fact, that fight hurt him so much it is his prime reasoning for not getting back together with you 100% in a committed relationship.

So, what does he do?

He decides to see if he can get you in bed without getting into a committed relationship with you.

The mixed signal comes in when you interpret him trying to get you in bed as him trying to commit to you again.

After all, sex is a lot more meaningful to women than it is to men.

Why do I say that?

Because a woman always risks getting pregnant when she has sex with a man. So, for her to give her body and soul over completely to a man is a lot more meaningful than for a man to give his body and soul over to a woman (though that is meaningful too.)

PART 3 – What Your Ex Boyfriends Mixed Signals Mean And The Mini Solutions To Them (A) & (B)

think it means

You will notice that in this section I combined two parts (A) & (B.)

Now, if you are confused as to what this means don’t fret. It simply means that what I am going to be doing in this section is listing the most common mixed signals you can potentially receive from an ex boyfriend and then I will give an in-depth description as to what it going on in your exes head when he gives you the mixed signal.

Of course, most people would stop there but not me. Nope, after I give you the in depth description of the mixed signal I am also going to give you a mini solution as to how you can overcome the mixed signal.

Why am I doing this?

Because you need to know how to approach a situation where you get a mixed signal. Too many women freak out and run around like a chicken with it’s head cut off when they feel the brunt of a MS (mixed signal.)

I don’t want that to be you.

I want you to be prepared.

Lets get started.

Mixed Signal #1 – He Breaks Up With You (Says He Loves You Post Breakup)

in love with you

I can’t tell you how many times women come to me saying something like this,

“Chris, my ex and I just broke up a few weeks ago and he recently just got back in touch with me and told me that he loves me. Of course, it’s been another two weeks and he hasn’t even responded to any text message or phone call since… What is going on?”

In my opinion what really matters here is when he says he loves you.

What do I mean by that?

Lets take two situations.

Situation 1- Your ex boyfriend says he loves you 1 week after the breakup.

Situation 2- Your ex boyfriend says he loves you 6 weeks after the breakup.

When you look at these two situations which one do you think is more powerful?

Situation 2 is.

Why?

Because if your ex boyfriend says he loves you right after the breakup he is still highly emotional and the feelings of an emotional person can be a little bit inconsistent.

He can hate you one moment and love you the next.

While he may mean it I would still take everything he says immediately after the breakup with a grain of salt.

Of course, when you look at the other situation, situation 2, the chances are a little bit higher that he means what he says.

Why?

6 weeks have passed after the breakup.

That is roughly a month and a half.

It is more likely that emotionally he is in a calmer and more logical state. Thus, there are more meaning behind his words.

A lot of women freak out when they get this mixed signal but I have found that in most cases the “I love you” from their ex came 1-2 weeks after the breakup. So, lets just operate under this assumption when we look at the “mini solution” for this mixed signal.

The Mini Solution

The first thing I think you should do is determine when the “I love you” was said.

This way you can get a gauge on how much your ex boyfriend really means it.

Remember the rule,

“The farther away the “I love you” is from the breakup the better.”

Of course, above I said that we were going to operate in a worst case scenario situation where the “I love you” came 1 to 2 weeks after the breakup. Well, in this case it is more likely that your ex boyfriend is shotgunning his wild feelings all over the place and it just so happens “I love you” is one of those feelings.

You know what I have always found interesting about the phrase, “I love you?”

It’s the fact that any time anyone says it they are expecting an answer back.

The answer?

“I love you too.”

So, your ex boyfriend saying “I love you” is almost a way of seeking affection/admiration from you.

He is expecting the normal,

“I love you too” response.

Well, I don’t want you to say it back.

Instead, I want you to say something like,

i love you text

Why should you say this?

Remember, men always want what they can’t have.

If your ex boyfriend tells you that he loves you and you don’t say it back it will raise your value in his mind. Yes, he may be hurt at first that you don’t say it back but in my opinion it is a better option than saying it back.

Why?

Think about what will happen if you say it back.

He will probably be happy for a split second and you will have verified to him that he can still get you whenever he wants.

He isn’t going to chase after something he already has.

(P.S. This even works if he says something like, “I miss you” too.)

Mixed Signal #2 – He Tells You That The Two Of You May Get Back Together Down The Road (Never Comes Close To A Reunion)

right now

This is a common “go to” for ex boyfriends.

Before the breakup is final they like to throw in a simple phrase that most women hold on to for dear life,

“We will probably get back together down the road.”

Of course, when push comes to shove and you are down the road the two of you aren’t even close to getting back together.

This results in a very big mixed signal since you were under the impression that the two of you would get back together.

But what is really going on here?

What does your ex boyfriend really mean when he says,

“We can get back together later.”

Well, the first thing I want to explore is whether or not your ex boyfriend actually means it or not.

While I don’t want to give you a false hope to hold onto I will admit that there are men that really do mean it when they say that they want to get back together later.

How did I arrive at this conclusion.

Through a good friend of mine.

We actually went out for a beer (a few years ago) and he told me something really interesting.

“Chris, I love my girlfriend to death but I am thinking of breaking up with her so I can play the field a bit… She is definitely the one I want to marry but before I marry her I want to get the “single life” out of my system.”

Interesting mindset…

Here is the thing, he was 100% serious. I looked in his eyes and I knew it.

He would have broken up with her and gotten right back with her.

Funny thing is she broke up with him later that year.

The relationship gods are funny like that.

Anyways, generally speaking when a man tells you something like “we will get back together later” he usually doesn’t mean it. Now, that doesn’t mean you can’t get him back you just have to get a little creative.

The Mini Solution

Lets just assume that your ex boyfriend has told you that he will get back together with you down the road.

What is he doing here?

Well, he is stringing you along.

He wants to keep you as a friend (perhaps with benefits down the road?)

All in all I think it’s clear where he is putting you, the friend zone.

So, what is the best way to get out of the friend zone?

You reverse friend zone him.

I actually talked about this recently with EBR 012.

Reverse friend zoning is the art of putting your ex boyfriend in the friend zone instead of you. I like to tell women that an effective way to do this is to treat their exes just like they would with a gay best guy friend.

A woman with a gay guy friend treats that guy friend a certain way.

She will call him up and ask him for favors,

“Hey Gary, I need your help moving into my new apartment.”

She will tell him about the men she might date,

“Gary, you will never believe it. I just met the most incredible guy.”

You need to treat your ex boyfriend this exact way.

Let him experience the friend zone for himself.

Mixed Signal #3 – He Talks About Getting Engaged, Having Kids And Having A Happy Life (And Then Breaks Up With You)

perfect marriage

“Chris, I don’t know what to do… He just broke up with me and I don’t understand. He told me that he was so in love with me. We talked about getting married. We even picked out our kids names. How can he just end things? We seemed so great a week ago.”

This was an email I received today from a woman desperately trying to win her ex back (I paraphrased it a bit.)

This mixed signal is unfortunately a pretty common occurrence in the dating world. Your ex boyfriend, who you love more than anything has just painted a picture of pure romantic bliss for you and you had no choice but to believe him.

Of course, when it really came down to crunch time he is nowhere to be found.

So, what happened here?

Did the idea of a life long commitment scare him?

Possibly, but I think there is a deeper explanation.

Lets look at the facts.

What we know so far if we operate under the assumption that your ex boyfriend has given you this mixed signal is that he has told you,

A. He says loves you

B. He says wants to marry you

C. He says wants to father your children

When most women hear these three things from a man that they are in love with they experience very strong emotions that tie them closer to their man.

When women are emotionally tied to a man life is pleasant for that man.

  • That man will get more sex.
  • That man will feel more admired.
  • That man will feel more loved.

All in all, life is pretty good.

Most men understand this so they will say (A), (B) and (C) to achieve more sex, more admiration and more love from their woman.

Do they mean it deep down?

Maybe a part of them does.

However, for the most part they are doing it to gain “point’s” with you.

So, when a breakup does occur and a woman is confused as to what the heck happened to her life plans with their partner this is usually what is going on.

The Mini Solution

Take everything with a grain of salt.

Do you remember my graph above about words and actions?

(How if the words and actions agree there is not a mixed signal and if the words and actions do not agree there is not a mixed signal?)

Well, I want to apply the same type of logic here.

If your boyfriend is promising you a marriage, kids and a white picket fence then you have my permission to get excited over it because the thought itself is very nice.

However, that’s all it is, a thought.

“I want to marry you…”

“I want kids with you…”

“I want a life with you…”

They are just words.

Your boyfriend hasn’t actually gotten down on one knee and proposed to you.

He hasn’t actually given you kids yet.

He hasn’t actually built a life with you yet.

Until those things actually happen you need to take his words with a grain of salt.

Words mean nothing after all, only actions do.

Mixed Signal #4 – Your Ex Boyfriend Acts Like He Wants To Hang Out With You (But When It Comes Down To It He Never Does)

hang out

I have a lot of experience with this in my life because I have come up with a lot of pretty lame excuses for standing girls up at the last minute.

(I am bad, I know.)

How this mixed signal works with your ex boyfriend is pretty simple.

After the breakup you and your ex boyfriend seem to be making some positive progress towards a reconnection. The two of you are back on speaking terms and have even started flirting a little bit. Of course, he doesn’t seem to be getting the hints that you are dropping that you want him to ask you on a date. So, instead of waiting around you decide to go on the offensive and actually ask him out.

kakistos reach out

Notice how Kakistos (I will give a free ebook to the first person who explains this reference in the comments ) was very receptive to the cup of coffee.

Of course, when Tuesday does finally come around Kakistos sends you this text,

kakistos rain check

Now, in the world we live in everyone has a busy schedule so you decide to forgive Kakistos and decide to ask him out again on Friday.

Again he acts super interested and excited and again he stands you up.

This happens three more times and you start to wonder if he is doing this on purpose.

Is he?

Well, that’s what I am here to help you discover.

My Experience With Standing Dates Up

Lets use me as the benchmark for the average man or in this case your ex boyfriend.

I mentioned above that I have come up with a lot of lame excuses over the years for standing dates up.

(Not proud of it to be honest.)

Well, right now I don’t want to focus on the excuses I want to focus on why I came up with the excuses.

Personally, it was never the fact that I didn’t like the girl.

Every girl I have ever gone on a date with I have always thought in my head,

“I have the potential to like this girl”

However, what would make me use excuses on them was the fact that I would always think to myself,

“I am not sure I have the potential to fall in love with this girl.”

If I wasn’t 100% sure that could happen then I didn’t really want to go through with a date.

You are probably wondering why I would even agree to a date in the first place if I thought I couldn’t fall in love with the girl, huh?

Well, a lot of times I wouldn’t reach this conclusion until right before the date when I had gotten to know the person a little bit better.

So, what I think may be happening with your ex boyfriend if you get this mixed signal from him is that he is having doubts on if he could “re-fall” in love with you again.

Is “re-fall” in love even a word?

Anyways, he may be concerned that the two of you tried it once before, failed, and he doesn’t want history to repeat itself again.

The Mini Solution

Overcoming this mixed signal is a function of overcoming his doubts.

Look, right now it’s clear that he is having doubts that the two of you can fall for each other again.

However, that doesn’t mean that you can’t sway him.

Of course, you can’t just approach him one day and say,

“Kakistos, if we get back together it will be different.”

Men will find this approach too aggressive and instead of bringing him closer you will push him farther away.

Instead, I would say that your best approach to overcoming his doubts is to use his emotions against him.

You want to knew what drew me to my wife?

It was the fact that when I would daydream about her and I together it consumed me. That’s all I would think about for most days. Heck, it’s all I think about still. I mean, I am supposed to be writing a post about ex boyfriends and here I am going on and on about her again.

(Sorry for that… I just love her way too much.)

If you can get your ex boyfriend to daydream about you that way then he will say yes to meeting you in the parking lot of McDonalds for heavens sake.

But how?

How do you achieve this “daydream affect?”

Two words…

Ungettable Girl

If you become his UG (ungettable girl) getting a date with him should be the least of your worries!

Anyways, that’s going to do it for me.

Can you think of any other mixed signals I missed?

If you can please comment and I would be happy to dissect them for you there.

556 thoughts on “Decoding The Mixed Signals From Your Ex Boyfriend”

  1. Avatar

    Ami

    September 13, 2019 at 2:14 pm

    My girlfriend of a year broke up with me yesterday. Says she needs to work on herself. Says she don’t want to lose me that this just ain’t it. We live together. I told her I’m fine with the break up seen it coming she I’m perfect and I’ve really shown her how to be treated. She said she loves me but this just ain’t it. Still stops by my work to drop off something to me and trys to be slick and get a kiss then continues to make out with me and such, then when I get off work comes over to my place and still sleeps in my bed cuddles with me. I asked if this is gonna be confusing to her since she don’t know what she wants and she laughs in a cute way and says your funny. When she texts me she still off and on calls me babe and when she called me she did. I know she told her family that she told me this just isn’t it as well. But idk what to think or where to begin I really care about her and she swears she cares about me and that it’s not you it’s me famous line but I know it’s only been one day day two today and we will see how you acts when she wakes up but I need some advice here. She said let’s be friends and possibly we can rebuild and just all these mixed signs I really just feel like she’s playing me but at the same time I feel like she’s be honest idk.

  2. Avatar

    Cece

    September 2, 2019 at 6:12 pm

    One minute my ex says he loves me and that life will never be the same… the next says our relationship was shitty and so was the break up. Lol. He’s the one that did the breaking up. What gives?

  3. Avatar

    Lynn caputi

    August 6, 2019 at 9:56 am

    My fiance and I lived together fir 12 years with my 2 kids, left ny and moved to nc , broke up didn’t talk for a while ,then my daughter had a baby and called him so we were sort of pushed into each other’s lives again, ended up being best friends for 13 years. I met someone new got engaged. The became friends, he invited to a party at his house recently and while there him and I were talking he brought up our past which he refused to talk about all those years before, then said some mean things about how my life hasn’t improved any since I was with him even though he knows I am disabled. What is the point of this?

  4. Avatar

    Shireen

    July 8, 2019 at 8:06 am

    My ex boyfriend is giving a lot of mixed signals he will stalk me on social media everyday & den suddenly he tells my frnd dat he wanna move on..he wanna stop stalking my profile bt he kept stalking me den all of a sudden he asks my frnds abt me asks dem to let him meet me bt as he got to knw dat I have blocked him frm everywhere he got hurt badly n blocked me back bt as he got to knw abt my accident he immediately unblocked n msged me n told me to take care of myself bt again he became cold n distance after some time..first he was saying after the breakup to my frnd dat he still loves me now he said he used to love me now he doesn’t love me anymore & said I was misunderstood I thought dat I still love her..he said dat him & I can never be together again he doesn’t want to come back in my life & said I’m happy widout him & dats gudd & den suddenly he will start complimenting my looks in my absence & again he will fully try to meet & talk to me..at first he was jealous as he got to knw dat a new guy is in my life as best frnd..& since after the breakup he’s showing like he’s having a secret relationship by his Instagram stories n his comments on his posts & when I congratulated him for having a new girlfriend he said I don’t have any girlfriend & I’m not gonna make any girlfriend..he cared for me a bit after knowing abt my accident bt again became cold n distant even if knowing abt my accident..he isn’t ready to forget wat I said to him after the breakup as I was hurt by him badly..he apologised to me for his mistakes bt he isn’t ready to forget my mistakes..once he said after the breakup dat he loves me bt only as bestie n he came in relationship only for my happiness den after some days he said I really loved her as my gf bt I can’t forget wat she said to me after breakup..I don’t knw wat the hell is happening wid me..I was doing NC Rule since 3-4 weeks n was being happy n trying to improve myself bt still there isn’t a bit improvement

  5. Avatar

    Jennifer

    May 8, 2019 at 7:25 pm

    Hi, my boyfriend broke things off a couple months ago and we dated for 2 years. We stopped contacting each other for two weeks but it got harder to ignore him and move on considering the fact that we go to the same college and always see each other around. He texted me weeks after our Break up just to “see how im doing” and i was being dry and he was really affectionate telling me he missed me or he’d text me after seeing him around campus telling me i looked beautiful and he sometimes texts me out of the blue and ends up telling me he wants to cuddle and that im still his and that he was secretly still committed to me,which left me extremely confused. Things were going well between us but just a couple of days ago he started texting me back hours after i would text him claiming hes been “busy” with work but yet everytime i see him around school he doesnt even bother to say hi or give me a hug and just looks the other way. He’s been really distant these past couple of days and it hurts me tremendously not knowing what he wants from me. I havent tried talking to him about it because i know its gonna be a waste of my time. Should i just give up and let him go or try and figure things out with him?

  6. Avatar

    Anonymous

    April 12, 2019 at 6:35 pm

    Hi. My ex-boyfriend and I never actually broke up. Life circumstances drove us 1600 miles apart. Now, this was in the early 1990’s before today’s technology. We found each other again four years ago on facebook. We have been in contact ever since. He tells me that he never stopped loving me. And that for years, he would come home from the club, bar or wherever he was and would always hope that there was a message from me. He also tells me how much he misses me. Keep in mind, this is 29 years later. He has never married. He has no children. He has a fiance, which I had to pull this out of him with a pair of giant plyers, that he gave a ring to seven years ago, has not pulled the trigger. He says he loves me and wonders if I love him. He says he misses me and has never stopped loving me. When i mentioned during a recent phone conversation that i wanted to have one more child, he offered to knock me up. He told me he used to look at me a think about how beautiful our children would be because he thought I was so beautiful. He also has told me that if we had the technology then that we had today, we would still be togeather. He wants to meet up. After 29 years, I am not sure where the mixed signal is, but it must be here, somewhere. I continue to proceed with caution. Thank you for any insight you may have.

  7. Avatar

    Amanda

    August 31, 2018 at 2:34 am

    Hi, thank you for writing this informative article!
    I’m curious what you think of my situation:
    I dated a guy for almost 5 months before we started a romantic relationship. He was in a non-monogamous relationship with his girlfriend with whom he has a 6-year old child. They seem to be staying together mostly for the child amd have been together 7 years. He seems unsatisfued with his relationship with her. They argue and he doesn’t seem to like having sex with her. They seem to be more like good friends that aren’t really in love anymore.
    Anyway, while we were dating, we became good friends and he made me feel very comfortable during that time. Once we started a romantic relationship I fell pretty deeply in love with him quite quickly. He was still in a relationship with his other girlfriend and she became quite jealous after he expressed that he didn’t really want to keep being intimate with her but wanted to be more like friends that co-parented and lived together. They started to fight more and she got more and more jealous over the 3 months that we were in a romantic relationship. It fell apart after those 3 months because she kept threatening to leave him and take their child away if he didn’t continue a sexual relationship with her. This may sound kinda crazy, I know. But I fell so much in love and I am having trouble getting over him. He keeps contacting me and visiting me even though he broke up with me and returned to monogamy with his girlfriend to “save his family”. He doesn’t want to break up his family because he is worried it will hurt his child.
    It has been about 3 months since we broke up. The last time I saw him (a couple weeks ago) he looked into my eyes for a long time, told me he loved me and started crying saying he doesn’t know what to do. Although I limit my communication and visits with him, he tries to be very affectionate with me when he sees me even though he is now supposed to be in a monogamous relationship with his girlfriend. He asks me if I’m seeing anyone every time he gets a chance. And he has asked me several times if we can get married one day (in a somewhat playful way). He doesn’t seem to want to be with his girlfriend forever but it seems he wants to wait until his daughter is a bit older. He seems confused about what to do.
    I feel I have no choice but to let him go because I don’t know what he wants…

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 31, 2018 at 2:57 am

      Thanks Amanda…glad you enjoyed it. So that was a pretty dramatic moment…looking into your eyes and confessing his feelings. But he has a girlfriend. Ummmmm. I would tell him the truth…you are confused by his actions and then move into no contact. I have lots of tools and resources that can help you thru it all.

  8. Avatar

    Amy

    August 30, 2018 at 9:04 pm

    Thank you for writing this informative article!
    I’m curious what you think of my situation:
    I dated a guy for almost 5 months before we started a romantic relationship. He was in a non-monogamous relationship with his girlfriend with whom he has a 6-year old child. They seem to be staying together mostly for the child amd have been together 7 years. He seems unsatisfued with his relationship with her. They argue and he doesn’t seem to like having sex with her. They seem to be more like good friends that aren’t really in love anymore.
    Anyway, while we were dating, we became good friends and he made me feel very comfortable during that time. Once we started a romantic relationship I fell pretty deeply in love with him quite quickly. He was still in a relationship with his other girlfriend and she became quite jealous after he expressed that he didn’t really want to keep being intimate with her but wanted to be more like friends that co-parented and lived together. They started to fight more and she got more and more jealous over the 3 months that we were in a romantic relationship. It fell apart after those 3 months because she kept threatening to leave him and take their child away if he didn’t continue a sexual relationship with her. This may sound kinda crazy, I know. But I fell so much in love and I am having trouble getting over him. He keeps contacting me and visiting me even though he broke up with me and returned to monogamy with his girlfriend to “save his family”. He doesn’t want to break up his family because he is worried it will hurt his child.
    It has been about 3 months since we broke up. The last time I saw him (a couple weeks ago) he looked into my eyes for a long time, told me he loved me and started crying saying he doesn’t know what to do. Although I limit my communication and visits with him, he tries to be very affectionate with me when he sees me even though he is now supposed to be in a monogamous relationship with his girlfriend. He asks me if I’m seeing anyone every time he gets a chance. And he has asked me several times if we can get married one day (in a somewhat playful way). He doesn’t seem to want to be with his girlfriend forever but it seems he wants to wait until his daughter is a bit older. He seems confused about what to do.
    I feel I have no choice but to let him go because I don’t know what he wants…

  9. Avatar

    Nancy

    August 18, 2018 at 3:32 am

    Hi,
    I was together with my exboyfriend for a year, we also lived together and it was amazing! I’m not American (he is) so I had to go home for a while to finish my studies. He loved me so much that he even got to learn my native language and wanted to move to Europe with me. A few weeks before my deprature he became depressed and mean.. I knew he was suffering from depression before but honestly I had no idea that it can be this bad. He literally got upset with anything.. and by the time I was about to leave, I just couldn’t wait to take off and leave him behind for a while. I loved him with full of my heart but couldn’t handle him more and he didn’t even let me to help him. After two weeks of being home he started to call me less often and we got to the point when a whole day passed without talking. I called and told him that this will not work in a long term and asked him if he wanted to break up. He said no and asked me to try to figure things out. Everything was fine for a day and then 2 days later he shot me a super long message about how much he loves me but he has to let me go blablablababla. I only replied: I’m really sorry to hear this. Take care!
    And that’s it.. we went into no contact for 8 months!!!! None of us messaged the other. I was told by my friends that he was seen crying a lot at work after the breakup and he was even asking about me months after we seperated but never contaceted until my birthday when out of the blue he messaged me. I was pissed so I was kinda short with him and we didnt even have a conversation. I was coming back to the US and probably he already knew that. When I got back I bought a car that didnt want to start the next day and I had no idea what to do so I contacted him. I only dared bc he messaged me for my birthday. So all in all, he came over within 30 min and was working on my car the entire day. We had lunch together, he took me home and also wanted me to greet his parents.. He told me that I’m so special and that he still have serious feelings for me.. He even called me babe (as he used to) by accident. It felt like I haven’t even left and we didn’t even break up…. He was super kind and helpful, found a good mechanic for me and we kept in touch and met up a couple of times after that.. He took some stuff from my hood „by accident” so we had to meet up again, when „by accident” he left his car and home keys in my car.. he also tried to find a reason to message me with random stuff and when we hung out he told me that he was going to a class I’d love and I should join him. Also told me that the next time I go to the movies I should invite him blablablaba stuff like that but never asked me out for a real date. I wanted him to fight for me since it was him who messed it up. I got pissed and became distant so he became. Whenever he texted me, he made me talk a lot, asked me to teach him more Hungarian, more about our history, etc. One time he messaged me a 200 year old poem 😀 and asked me to translate it (wtf??) and whenever we got deep into the conversation he just disappeared.. Even if it was him who initiated contact.. I didn’t understand what was going on so I went in no contact for a month and then I messaged him and asked if he wanted to grab a coffe with me. He sounded super excited and told me that he’s looking forward to set a time. I replied him 4 minutes later and he never read my message since then… It’s been a month. He literally hasn’t read my message and it’s been a month………
    I don’t know what to think or do. Should I just let him go?
    He is the love of my life and we had a great relationship besides the last few weeks of it.
    I stayed in touch with his mom during the breakup, sometimes she messaged me and when I moved back to the US she got super excited and she even invited me over to her birthday party (of course I didnt attend since I didnt get back together with her son) but I had the feeling that she knew how his son felt and wanted us to get back together.
    Also when I moved back I got multiple friends telling me that my ex was telling them how much he still loved and missed me and that I was the most perfect woman for him. I was shocked but full of hope and now I have no idea what”s going on..
    I started dating and instead of moving on I just kept comparing the guys to my ex . It got so bad that I came home crying after the last date I had.

    I just have no idea what to do. Should I just wait until he reaches out?
    Thanks for your answer in advance!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 19, 2018 at 12:46 am

      Hi Nancy….that is quite story. Wow….a 200 year poem. Looks to me he was trying to get a gauge of your feelings. I think your focus should be on you and your healing and recovery. You can move on without leaving him behind if in the event he surfaces again. Of course then, you may have a different perspective. And you can do things to reinforce your value from afar as ex boyfriends will often keep tabs on their ex girlfriends. But keep your focus on being the best “you”. He may be blowing it with you, but you can’t control his every decision and you shouldnt have to wait for him and his fickle ways.

  10. Avatar

    Anonymous

    May 12, 2018 at 9:25 pm

    My ex bf broke up with me 4 months ago after being together for only a few months. We did the no contact rule. A couple weeks ago he said he missed me and asked to hangout to talk and maybe get a fresh start on things, he even text me for a whole week calling me beautiful and hun. After we hung out I didn’t hear from, so I let a few days go by and I still didn’t hear from him . I texted my best friend who is dating his brother and I found out through her that he was just leading me on because he knows I still have feelings for him and he doesn’t see us getting back together. He said he wants to hangout once in awhile and just be friends, but I want to get back together with him in the future. How do I stop him from leading me on again? How do I get him to want me back for good?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 12, 2018 at 10:53 pm

      Hi there…thanks for stopping by! I am sorry your ex is not playing it straight with you. It could be he is still in the undecided mode as to how he wishes to proceed and is just keeping his options open. It may be in your best interest to employ NC again, but utilize some of the methods I teach to increase your value in his eyes. You might want to take a deeper dive into a Blueprint I devised that can help you with your needs. To learn more about some of the products I created, go to my website’s Menu Section and click on the link for “Products”. I think you will find some useful resources there that will help you with your situation!

  11. Avatar

    Janine

    May 4, 2018 at 4:32 pm

    Hi Chris, my ex and I broke up in October. We recently had our first meeting, it went well. He has mentioned that he would want to see me again but we havent chose a date yet because we are in 2 different cities during the summer, he let me he would come visit in May and would like if he could see me. Anyways, sometimes he is pretty flirty, talked about our past tris together.. how much fun he used to have with me.. missed me all very recent via text, texted me a lot after the meeting, wanted to see me soon after… which makes me think the chances of getting back are really god but yesterday we were talking about a old teacher who liked us as a couple and I just ended up saying something like : Ill go visit that “x” teacher when am engaged, he’d be happy to know who got me. (I wasn’t trying to make him think of marriage at all). My ex said ” who got you huh, the lucky guy who got you” and rushed saying goodnight. I told him “is that a question ” ? ( I didn’t understand)… he then said “I don’t think it’s a question”. I told him I dont understand, how’s that a fact. He simply said ” lol Are you trying to get into my head?”
    I said : ” I’m just trying to understand your texting” he replied : Maybe we shouldn’t be texting about these things like that.” ” So we can make sure we both understand each other” I said : “hum ok” (curious, confused, and worried) He then added: “I mean you know how bad it is to text about feelings and stuff, so id rather not” I said : ok goodnight. He said okay Janine good night & that was the end of our conversation. I feel bothered somehow and confused, I think it is best indeed to talk about those things in person but somehow I feel like his reasons are not the same as mines to do so, maybe he doesn’t want to talk about feelings at all i have no idea… Do you have an idea of what”s going on in his head..and if he is not sure about me or doesn’t know what he wants.. What should I do after this to improve my chances of getting him back. Thank you

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 4, 2018 at 9:33 pm

      Hi Janine..i think he is right about how texting does not always reflect one’s feelings accurately. It seems he is testing your feelings and views of where the relationship is. You have my ebook (“Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro”), right? IF not, go check it out because it well help you now and down the road. Just go slow and continue to build attraction thru some of the tactics I talk about. You should also consider joining my Private Facebook Support Group Community. The women who are part of that Group do a lot of sharing and offering of support and ideas. I also do weekly live Facebook webcast for this Group. You can learn more at my website Menu/Products link!

    2. Avatar

      Janine

      May 4, 2018 at 10:12 pm

      Hi Chris, thank you for your reply. So if he is testing my feelings and views on where the relationship is, that’s a good thing right? It’s another way for him to show interest…I just have to be careful at not scaring him off if I understand correctly and do you have a part in particular that I should focus more in the recovery PRO ?
      Thank you!

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 5, 2018 at 4:25 am

      I think it is a positive development. Pro is a huge book and sometimes it takes a couple of reads to process it all. Just think of it as your Companion Guide
      and apply the section that coincides with your needs in the stage you are in.

  12. Avatar

    Angela

    April 30, 2018 at 2:26 pm

    Hi, my ex and I have been broken up for about a month now and 2 of those weeks I actually did no contact. He asked to meet at the airport during his layover last Saturday to touch base as things have been really chaotic between us (I made all the mistakes of crying and begging and blowing up his phone to a point where he blocked me). We had limited time to talk (about 35 minutes) and it was rather calm. I decided to see if I could do physical contact and ended up holding his him and linking his arm, which he didn’t push off. At one point he even gave me a kiss on the forehead, said that there were days where he woke up and thought what the heck did he do. But he said he needed time for awhile to himself and sort out his finances and get his life back on track and that the past couple months, the relationship felt suffocating. He turned down my offer to see him for the summer but said he would maybe come visit me further down the road or plan a vacation together. He asked then if I would like to see him again during his layover flying back home to which I said we will see. Gave me a really tight goodbye hug as he goes through security and today he has started unblocking me and following me back on social media. I am so confused. Do I have any hope?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 30, 2018 at 3:09 pm

      I Angela…I talk to a lot of Angelas here, so forgive if I mentioned this,but you would benefit if you picked up my ebook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” (available at my website Menu/click Products link). Its is chalked full of tactics and steps on what you can do to better your chances. Confusion and hopelessness is normal when people go through breakups. It is important to experience some self recovery, before you can expect to get your ex back. You can learn so much about this and other thing, so go take a look at some of the resources and services I discuss on my Products Page. You may find one or two things that fits your needs. Feel free to check back here anytime!

  13. Avatar

    Cece

    March 24, 2018 at 9:52 pm

    HI,
    I had posted in another post about a month ago. My ex and I officially broke up feb 15. Twice (4 days and 21 days post breakup) my ex boyfriend reached out telling me that he regrets breaking up with me and throwing away something so good. Yet both times, he changed his mind the next day because he has doubts and is confused about us. He says he loves me now but he’s unsure about the future (if we stay together, we may have to do long distance in the near future). He says he’s struggling internally with this decision but he’s also extremely stressed out in being in a professional college. The reason why he broke up with me is because he said that near the end of our relationship, it felt like work on top of an already hectic school schedule. I was completely blindsided by the breakup because he never expressed this to me. I did and will continue NC, have focused on working on myself, posting on social media and becoming the UG. I plan on going on NC for around 45 days because I will see him at a research conference around that time and plan to open communication there. My question is, how should I act around him when I see him since this will be our first time meeting each other since 21 day post breakup? Also, how do I convince him that our relationship is worth fighting for? Thanks!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 3, 2018 at 1:11 am

      Generally I like to tell people to act like nothing is wrong or nothing is bothering them.

      As for convincing him. My guess is that it’ll take more than a conversation to do but that’s why we have a whole process.

    2. Avatar

      Cece

      April 6, 2018 at 3:03 pm

      Do you think it would be better if I reached out to him before this conference? After 30 days NC of course. Just to open up the lines of communication. Or will I have a higher chance if I wait another month until I see him in person? My biggest fear is that he will start to lose feelings/forget about me. Which I know it’s unlikely but I know he’s on tinder now…

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 7, 2018 at 4:58 am

      I hate putting a time constraint on things. It often ruins perfectly good game plans. I think you build everything up towards seeing him in person.

    4. Avatar

      Cece

      April 26, 2018 at 3:17 pm

      Hi Chris,
      So I’ve decided that to wait to see him in person to open up my lines of communication with him. My next questions is how do I implement tide theory into texting him after I see him? Should my first text to him after our “bump in” be what you define as the typical “first contact text” or should it be more casual like “hey it was nice bumping into you the other day?”. Also, do I wait the full day like you said in your book before I text him or should I just text him on day 2?
      PS. your ERB pro has been more than helpful! I just want more insight into my specific situation 🙂

    5. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 26, 2018 at 9:39 pm

      As you would expect, my views on the steps you take are very adaptable to each person’s unique situation. I like your text suggestion. It works to build a little connection….is friendly, but not pushy are demanding. Wait some time…doesn’t have to be a full day..before reaching out. The idea is not come off as too dependent. You want to be viewed as independent…fun…happy…positive…beautiful….just someone everybody wants to be around

    6. Avatar

      Cece

      April 29, 2018 at 1:08 am

      Thank you so much for the advice! So there has been a slight change of plans. My ex posted something on his snapchat story Thursday night that was specifically for me (inside joke between us) and I instantly replied to it because I had the confidence to, my gut instinct told me to, I had a very funny and witty reply to it and guess what, it worked! He immediately replied positively, we chatted for a bit and I ended the conversation on a high note by not replying! He posted another snapchat story last night and the exact same situation happened. Both times, I’ve initiated conversation and received a positively response! I just checked snapchat and he just posted another snapchat story but I haven’t opened it yet. This is also out of the blue for him because he VERY RARELY posts on his snapchat story. However, I am someone who posts relatively frequently (so he can see me as the UG ;P), and I posted something on my story today in reference to something we did together in the past, but he looked at it and didn’t initiate conversation… My question to you is, the next time he posts on his story, should I initiation conversation or should I wait a bit? I’m not sure if I interpreted this correctly but in your ERBpro (pg 204) you said that after three chances, if he doesn’t reach out, its time to move on?

    7. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 29, 2018 at 5:04 am

      Hi Cece….yes….wait a little spell. Remember, you want to build value and attraction slowly over time…like laying down little breadcrumbs for him to pick up and follow after you. If you get flat out rejected in a harsh way 3 times, then one should probably pull up their roots and move on. But that’s not whats happening her. You are getting bites. He is responding to your breadcrumbs. It wont necessarily happen every time, but you can build in some curiosities and other psychological tactics into your Snapchat Stories (use of brief little video vignettes can be very effective). Good job Cece. Forgive me, as I can remember if I told you, but if you need additional support, check out my Private Facebook Support Group…the ladies there are awesome in sharing ideas.

    8. Avatar

      Cece

      May 4, 2018 at 4:03 am

      Hi Chris, here’s my update! My ex has since started to initiate snapchatting me – some personal snaps sent only to me, some of them sent to me and posted to his story. According to my texting chart, I initiate 2/3 times. One day I even ended the convo on a high note by not replying and he snapped an hour later to keep the convo going! He replies to all my snaps relatively positively and I’ve been building rapport, not quite at the attraction text yet. However, today was the research day and our interaction was very short and awkward. I looked really good, was polite, happy, confident, and a little awkward because I naturally am haha. However, he was quite uncomfortable and didn’t seem all that happy to see me. Throughout the day, he kept avoiding me! A bunch of his classmates kept coming by to say hi to me but he never made the effort to come talk to me. I would have approached him if I wasn’t stuck at my poster the entire day. I feel like I’m in the movie 500 days of summer in that expectation vs. reality scene where I expected so much more from this research day but in reality, nothing came of it. Now that the day is over, he hasn’t snapped me yet and he usually snaps me sometime in the evening. I’m a little confused as to what to do now? Should I acknowledge the fact that we saw each other or just continue with the texting like nothing happened? Also, when should I reach out? Thanks again 🙂

      PS. I deactivated facebook until I finish writing my thesis.. I was getting too distracted 🙁 Or else I totally would have joined the group!

    9. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 4, 2018 at 4:00 pm

      Hi Cece…I love that movie….It is so insightful. I want you to watch it again. It will help underscore that even if this relationship doesn’t workout in the way your desire, there is always upside opportunities. Because remember, your are a pretty special and determined woman and he should be so lucky to have you in his life. Sometimes a guy will come to realize they are blowing it and turn the corner. But sometimes there are other things going on in their mind, for which you can’t change or influence in any quick way. So stay the course with your plan and maybe be a bit more like the “ungettable girl”. Let him come to you and keep being your amazing and beautiful self.

    10. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 4, 2018 at 4:00 pm

      Hi Cece…I love that movie….It is so insightful. I want you to watch it again. It will help underscore that even if this relationship doesn’t workout in the way your desire, there is always upside opportunities. Because remember, your are a pretty special and determined woman and he should be so lucky to have you in his life. Sometimes a guy will come to realize they are blowing it and turn the corner. But sometimes there are other things going on in their mind, for which you can’t change or influence in any quick way. So stay the course with your plan and maybe be a bit more like the “ungettable girl”. Let him come to you and keep being your amazing and beautiful self.

  14. Avatar

    Feliz

    March 15, 2018 at 8:52 pm

    Im doing it , i didn’t message him anymore , the last time i thought it would be ok , but he didnt message , and i didnt message too, he talks like he wants and doesnt want at the same time , u think nc rule will help?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 16, 2018 at 3:17 pm

      Yes, because continuing to talk to him will make you look like you’re chasing.

  15. Avatar

    Feliz

    March 15, 2018 at 12:42 pm

    Hi, i and my bf broke up for a not serious problem , and he started to say that its good for us to break up , i tried a bit not to do it but it happened , after that he messaged on a post of mine and we started to chat for an hour , he said that he wants us but he knows it wouldn’t work , and i tried to make him say that he can be together again but he said that yet we are broken up till he knows what to do , and after me telling him to be good with me , he said that he hopes it happen but he thinks it wont work, and again he didn’t message me after that. It was a 3 yrs relationship and the breaking up happened 1 week ago . I dont know what to do and what he means

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 15, 2018 at 5:41 pm

      Hi Feliz
      Do you want to try the nc rule?

  16. Avatar

    Leyla

    March 14, 2018 at 1:07 am

    Hey. My boyfriend broke up with me a month ago after saying he wanted to go on a break. He was my best friend and in November said that he thought we were going to get married. When he broke up with me, he said that right now he couldn’t be with me and that it was the best decision for him. He then went on to say that he thought the spark between us might reignite when we saw each other in the summer. We didn’t really speak for two weeks, and then he started messaging me about random stuff, and I haven’t messaged him first at all. This stuff included sending me his most recent music playlists and asking me what songs I liked on them and asking me about outfit advice. I saw him in person for the first time today since the break up and he touched my face affectionately. What does this all mean? Is he regretting his decision? Is he friend-zoning me?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 15, 2018 at 2:25 pm

      Hi Leyla,

      That’s too vague to say what he’s really up to.. But you should follow this one:
      What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Wants To Stay Friends

  17. Avatar

    Jessica

    February 5, 2018 at 1:27 pm

    Hi my ex broke up with me 2 weeks ago out of the blue when he suddenly said that our expectations were mismatched and he cannot see a future at this point. that obviously broke my heart and i sent him a goodbye text 2 days later to which he replied to. i decided to initiate no contact to help with the healing when a week into.it he suddenly texted saying he saw something on YouTube and thought of me ( the links were relevant tp an important passion of mine. after i thankwd him for the links there was no.reply.

    i was wondering what kind of text this would be and why he would send something like that. any idea of how to proceed

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 8, 2018 at 11:36 am

      Hi Jessica,

      You need to restart the count because you replied.. That’s common for an ex because even if he broke up with you, doesn’t mean he is not used to talking to you.

  18. Avatar

    S'LEX

    January 10, 2018 at 2:53 am

    Hello,
    My name is S’Lex. My boyfriend and I dated each other for 3yrs with 2 yrs of him trying to get me prior to our relationship (i was just gettung out of relationship) but we went on dates talked on the pgine but had fall outz longest being 8 months until we finally made it official then we went 3 yrs straight. We broke up 4 months ago had a big fight (no one cheated) but there were issues we had.. So while we have broken up wehave not talked as much. In the relatuonship whenever we would get in an arguement i would alwayz be the obe crawling back. After this break up i we were at first for the 1st month and a half trying to work tgungs out but i saw i was the only one putting efforts so i told him that i am walking away completely and if its meant to be we will be (hardest decision b/c i love him so much) after all ge id the one that initiated the break up. So after the break up he started talking to his ex from 7 yrs ago and they had sex.. i also had sex with an ex but it actually meant nothing to me. He has contacted and told me he misses me he even started hanging out with my little brother everyday going to the gym and was telling my brother great things but acting completely different with me (mixed signals) was coming over my house while i was at work. This has stopped he blocked me on facebook but i had already deleted him as my friend the 1st week we broke up but he actually blocked me i think around new years day. So the other night he called me (late) (oh yeah i did no contact none of that shit worked( i think it back fired anyways he called me late i did not answet it was too late so i called him two days later and he didnt pick up so then he called me back two days later which was today so i pick up so hes like did you call me? I yold him i was returning his phine call but he acted like he didnt remember so he then says to his boss because he was at work (shes pretty as fuck you have to keep her) i guess he was then i asked him did he need anything he took that as me being jealous of what he said ti his boss then he was explaining to me he was talking to his boss about his girl…. i was not jealous at all i said is there anything you need he thought i was rushing him off the phone he saif i just wanted to see how you are doing i told him i was good. He told me a customer was coming in and that he would call back.. he dudnt call i am not chasing him but i miss him, What do i do?!

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 11, 2018 at 5:03 pm

      Hi S’lex,

      how long did and what did you do during nc? And how did it back fire?

  19. Avatar

    S'LEX

    January 10, 2018 at 2:50 am

    Hello,
    My name is S’Lex. My boyfriend and I dated each other for 3yrs with 2 yrs of him trying to get me prior to our relationship (i was just gettung out of relationship) but we went on dates talked on the pgine but had fall outz longest being 8 months until we finally made it official then we went 3 yrs straight. We broke up 4 months ago had a big fight (no one cheated) but there were issues we had.. So while we have broken up wehave not talked as much. In the relatuonship whenever we would get in an arguement i would alwayz be the obe crawling back. After this break up i we were at first for the 1st month and a half trying to work tgungs out but i saw i was the only one putting efforts so i told him that i am walking away completely and if its meant to be we will be (hardest decision b/c i love him so much) after all ge id the one that initiated the break up. So after the break up he started talking to his ex from 7 yrs ago and they had sex.. i also had sex with an ex but it actually meant nothing to me. He has contacted and told me he misses me he even started hanging out with my little brother everyday going to the gym and was telling my brother great things but acting completely different with me (mixed signals) was coming over my house while i was at work. This has stopped he blocked me on facebook but i had already deleted him as my friend the 1st week we broke up but he actually blocked me i think around new years day. So the other night he called me (late) (oh yeah i did no contact none of that shit worked( i think it back fired anyways he called me late i did not answet it was too late so i called him two days later and he didnt pick up so then he called me back two days later which was today so i pick up so hes like did you call me? I yold him i was returning his phine call but he acted like he didnt remember so he then says to his boss because he was at work (shes pretty as fuck you have to keep her) i guess he was then i asked him did he need anything he took that as me being jealous of what he said ti his boss then he was explaining to me he was talking to his boss about his girl…. i was not jealous at all i said is there anything you need he thought i was rushing him off the phone he saif i just wanted to see how you are doing i told him i was good. He told me a customer was coming in and that he would call back.. he dudnt call i am not chasing him but i miss him, What do i do?

  20. Avatar

    Nichole

    January 3, 2018 at 3:32 pm

    My boyfriend broke up with me on Christmas Eve. We’ve had a rough relationship of me being very insecure and always questioning him. He couldn’t take it anymore and left. We have a child together and I’m pregnant again. He said he wanted space and time to figure out what he wants to do, if he wants to try again or not. When he left I begged and cried and blew his phone up. Didn’t get me anywhere obviously. So I’ve left him alone and he messaged me last night about our son. I asked him what’s up with us. I needed to know something. And he said he told himself he wasn’t going to do this again but then he says he doesn’t just want to walk away from it, and he still doesn’t know what to do. How can I bring him back to me. He is a stubborn ex. He’s been through this before with his ex of 10 years and 3 children together. He said he would never do it again. He said we’re all the same and we don’t change. I’ve never been the girl I was with him. I was always laid back and cool and fun. Then I got insecure and crazy around the time I got pregnant. I need to show him I’m changing and I need to get him back. I don’t have time for 30+ days no contact and all that. We’re supposed to get a place together at tax time. I need something asap. Thanks.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 5, 2018 at 9:29 pm

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