Decoding The Mixed Signals From Your Ex Boyfriend

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

Do you know what the definition of a hypocrite is?

Hypocrite- a person who pretends to have virtues, beliefs or principles that he/she does not actually possess.

Hmm… sounds familiar doesn’t it?

Perhaps an ex boyfriend who gives you mixed signals is a hypocrite?

Well, that is what we are going to be exploring today.

Every single day hundreds of women ask me hundreds of different questions about their ex boyfriends and I have to say that lately I have been noticing a trend. For whatever reason there has been an uptick in the inquiries revolving around exes who give off mixed signals.

For example, it’s not uncommon for me to receive a question like this,

“Chris, I broke up with my boyfriend a few weeks ago but now that a few weeks have passed he is acting like nothing has happened? How do I interpret these mixed signals?”

So, for those of you who know me extremely well (and I like to think that some of you do) any time I see an uptick in questions like this I like to go out and write massive guides giving you as much insight as I possibly can about your ex boyfriend.

Well, here I go again 🙂 .

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Welcome To My Mixed Signals Page

welcome

You know the beautiful thing about this site?

(Besides the fact that it’s AWESOME.)

It’s the fact that I can be completely honest with you about your boyfriend and because of that I can help you gain incredible insight into him.

For example, sometimes you can’t fully rely on your friends to tell you the truth because they are afraid of hurting your feelings when it comes to certain situations (like a breakup.)

Not me though…

Nope, I have no problem laying down the law.

I’m an impartial third party with years of experience in the breakup realm (I have seen thousands of situations.)

I’m not a bad guy to have in your corner, huh?

Why is any of this relevant to mixed signals?

It’s quite simple really.

Some of the thought processes that men have when they give you mixed signals may be hard to hear.

BUT YOU NEED TO HEAR IT!

Of course, I wouldn’t be a very good “relationship consultant” if I just left you out to dry without giving you mini solutions to overcome the mixed signals you get from your ex now would I?

Screen Shot 2015-03-17 at 12.40.37 AM

(I spruced up my LinkedIn profile yesterday to include “relationship consultant” since that is technically what I do with Ex Boyfriend Recovery but I digress…)

Here is how I have this page outlined,

Part 1- What Is A Mixed Signal?

Part 2- Why Your Ex Boyfriend Gives You Mixed Signals?

Part 3 (A)- What Your Ex Boyfriends Mixed Signals Mean

Part 3 (B) The Mini Solutions To Your Exes Mixed Signals

I decided to combine part 3 because I figured it would be easier for me to give you the mixed signal and then the solution to the mixed signal in one fell swoop. I mean, something tells me that you would get annoyed if I gave you all the mixed signals in one place and then I made you scroll down the entire page just to see the mini solutions to the mixed signals.

Anyways, I am getting off topic again.

(That tends to happen a lot if you hadn’t noticed)

Lets move on to part 1 of this guide!

PART 1 – What Is A Mixed Signal?

mixed messages

I want to play a game with you.

The game is called “role play” and we are going to pretend that we are in a fantasy situation for a moment.

Sound fun?

Good!

The two of us are walking down the street one day when we pass a hat shop. Now, being the very cool person that I am, I am what you would call a certified hat enthusiast. So, as I look at the hats in the window and there is one hat in particular that catches my eye. I like it so much that I go on and on about how I would love to have that hat. In fact, I make such a big deal about it that it seems like that hat is the holy grail of hats.

The exact date when this entire debacle occurs is May 9th.

What is the relevance of that date?

It’s the day before my birthday.

So, being the generous person that you are you go into the hat shop (after I have left) and you decide to buy the hat for me as a birthday present. In your mind you are thinking that you did an incredible job with this present because I made such a big deal about it.

caffrey

Well, on May 10th (my birthday) you give me my birthday present, the hat.

You watch excitedly as I am about to open “the holy grail of hats.”

Your hands shake with excitement as I tear off the wrapping paper…

He is so close to seeing it” you think to yourself.

Then it happens…

I see it.

Except there is a problem.

I look disgusted.

In fact, I look so disgusted that I don’t want anything to do with the hat.

I hate it…

What the heck just happened here?

Well, I gave you a mixed signal about the hat.

I gave you information that led you to believe that I liked the hat when in actuality I didn’t.

That is what the definition of a mixed signal is,

Mixed Signal- A person feeds you information that makes you believe one thing when the reality is that, that one thing isn’t necessarily true.

 The Synergy Between Words, Actions And Mixed Signals

Words, action and mixed signals all have a close synergy if you really think about it.

For example, if you have just broken up with your ex boyfriend and he tells you that he wants absolutely nothing to do with you then his words lead you to believe that he isn’t that into you anymore.

Of course, if the very next week he is hitting on you or acting like a breakup never happened then those two actions will probably lead you to believe that he is still into you.

As a result we have a mixed signal.

Think of it like this, if your exes words and actions do not agree then he is most likely giving you a mixed signal. If his words and actions end up agreeing then he is most likely not giving you a mixed signal. Check out the graphic below to further illustrate this point,

mixed signals

Do you see how this synergy works to decipher whether or not you are getting a mixed signal?

Yes?

Good, lets move on to part 2 of this guide.

PART 2 – Why Your Ex Boyfriend Gives You Mixed Signals

illogical

Join me as we take a trip into the deep recesses of a mans mind.

Let me warn you beforehand though, this trip might be a little frightening for you.

Eye opening but frightening.

Why?

Because I am going to be letting you in on all the deep dark secrets that most men are afraid to tell you.

And you know the best part?

It’s coming from a credible source because I am a man. I know how my kind thinks.

However, before I start let me set this up a little bit.

Last night when I was brainstorming this guide I took out a sheet of paper and jotted down all the reasons that I think an ex boyfriend could potentially have for giving you a mixed signal. When it was all said and done I had determined that there were six main reasons for why an ex boyfriend could potentially give you a mixed signal.

Does that mean that there are only six?

No, in reality there are probably thousands of little reasons. What I ended up doing was picking and choosing the reasons that were most common.

Ok, now that I have that out of the way lets get started!

Reason 1 = He Is Not 100% Sure About You

thats lava

Lets go through a little fake scenario here for a second.

Lets say that during your relationship with your ex boyfriend he was constantly telling you that you were the one, that he wanted to have your kids and that he was going to marry you. However, when push came to shove and it became time for him to step up he didn’t and as a result the two of you broke up.

Now, you took him at his word when he told you that you were the one but his actions didn’t back his words up and as a result he gave you a mixed signal.

Why?

Simple, he wasn’t 100% sure yet about you.

Now, What do you think I mean by that?

For a man to make a deep commitment to a woman he has to feel 100% sure about her.

Getting married, having kids and big life goals like that essentially end a mans bachelorhood forever.

Gone are the days where he can be selfish.

Gone are the days where he can “date around.”

Gone are the days where he can go out and party the night away.

Men don’t give their bachelorhood up very easily.

It takes a special woman to pull him away from it and if he isn’t 100% sure about the woman then he is not going anywhere.

All it takes is one doubt to creep in for him to start questioning you.

For example, lets say that one day your boyfriend asks you to meet him out for a cup of coffee. Now, since you are a bit of an early bird you get there ahead of time and as a result a guy comes up to you and starts flirting with you. It is at this moment (when this stranger is flirting with you) that your boyfriend walks in and sees you and this guy talking.

What does he think upon seeing this?

Well, he probably assumes that you are flirting with this guy and all of a sudden doubts start to creep in his mind.

“How many other guys does she flirt with?”

“Would she ever cheat on me?”

“Do I want to be with someone who flirts around?”

All of these thoughts your boyfriend has happen in a split second and they start to make him question a long term commitment with you.

That is where the mixed signals come in.

He may have told you that the two of you were going to be together forever.

That the two of you were meant to be but when he is faced with a situation like the one above and he starts to question you he begins to backtrack on his word. Of course, you get very confused when you have these mixed signals but it’s not that confusing at all if you really think about it.

It all just boils down to the fact that men don’t want to give their bachelorhood very easily.

It has to be worth it to them.

Reason 2 = He Doesn’t Know What He Wants

I am going to switch gears for a moment here and get a little personal.

Can you guess the last thing I really wanted in my life?

And when I say I wanted it I mean I really wanted it and was ready to do anything to get it.

Figured it out yet?

It’s this gal,

Key-West-Wedding-003 copy

Yup, there was absolutely no hesitation on my part which is how I knew she was the one.

Why am I telling you this?

Because I know myself better than anyone and I know how I act when I don’t know what I want (which prior to my wife I really didn’t know.)

Not a lot of people know this about me but before I got married I was single for a long time.

It wasn’t the fact that I was scarred by a past relationship or anything like that either.

It’s the fact that I was still searching around for what I wanted.

I am not afraid to admit that I gave women mixed signals as a result of this.

In fact, I even backed out of dates at the last minute because in the back of my mind I would be thinking,

“I don’t know if I really want this girl…”

Any small hesitation like that in my mind pretty much hurt any woman’s chances with me.

Hmm…

Perhaps I should be more specific with what I am talking about here.

Ok, a long time ago there was a girl who had a pretty big crush on me and she wasn’t shy about it either. Pretty much every time I saw her she would hit on me and while I was a little flattered with the attention at first I didn’t really have a “sure” feeling about her. To be honest, I didn’t quite know what I wanted so not many women would have made a huge impression on me.

Anyways, this girl would always be pushing for a date with me.

(She came on a bit strong at times.)

Eventually she was so forceful with trying to get a date that eventually I broke down and agreed to go on one with her.

Here’s the interesting part though, as I said above I wasn’t 100% sure about what I wanted so this created a lot of doubts and fears in me that I would be wasting my time on a date with her so at the last minute I would back out of the date and say that there was some other important event I would have to attend (usually I would make it up.)

In other words, I gave her a mixed signal.

Why?

Because I didn’t know what I wanted.

Reason 3 = He Wants To Keep You As A Friend

When you dated your ex boyfriend you gave him certain benefits.

  • Physical Benefits- Touch, hugs, kisses, sex
  • Emotional Benefits- Someone to talk to, emotional support

Obviously now that the two of you are broken up he is no longer going to receive those benefits from you. However, that doesn’t mean that he is going to stop trying to obtain them from you. In this section I would like to specifically focus on the “emotional benefits” and I will leave the “physical benefits” for the next section.

I almost look at being there emotionally for your partner like the safety nets you see at the circus with the flying trapeze.

You’ve seen the flying trapeze before, right?

If not, it goes a little something like this,

flying trapeze

Now, can you imagine doing this without a safety harness or net and you were in front of a crowd where one mistake could end your life?

The same principle applies to some ex boyfriends after a breakup.

They look at the emotional support that you gave them during the relationship as a safety net and they can’t stand to live without it.

They feel vulnerable and scared.

So, what do they do?

They try to get their safety net back (your emotional support.)

This is where mixed signals come into play because you interpret them trying to get their safety net back as them trying to get you back.

Of course, some ex boyfriend want a lot more than your emotional support back…

Reason 4 = He Is Trying To Sleep With You

fwb coffee

Lets do another fun little role play situation.

Your ex boyfriend breaks up with you and at first he feels confident with his decision.

However, as time slowly ticks away something interesting begins to happen to him. He begins to remember all the good times you had together.

The times you held hands…

Your first kiss…

The first time you made love…

It is at this point that he begins to focus in on the sex part more and more.

(He is a man after all and all men have needs.)

He is enthralled with the memory of your touch.

How you feel…

How you fit…

Pretty soon you have invaded his thoughts and he thinks to himself,

“I have to have her again.”

Now, perhaps I should add a bit of back story here.

The two of you had a lot of problems with finances and you fought constantly over them. In fact, the last fight you had over finances was so bad that it actually resulted in your breakup.

While he still wants you physically he also hasn’t forgotten that fight. In fact, that fight hurt him so much it is his prime reasoning for not getting back together with you 100% in a committed relationship.

So, what does he do?

He decides to see if he can get you in bed without getting into a committed relationship with you.

The mixed signal comes in when you interpret him trying to get you in bed as him trying to commit to you again.

After all, sex is a lot more meaningful to women than it is to men.

Why do I say that?

Because a woman always risks getting pregnant when she has sex with a man. So, for her to give her body and soul over completely to a man is a lot more meaningful than for a man to give his body and soul over to a woman (though that is meaningful too.)

PART 3 – What Your Ex Boyfriends Mixed Signals Mean And The Mini Solutions To Them (A) & (B)

think it means

You will notice that in this section I combined two parts (A) & (B.)

Now, if you are confused as to what this means don’t fret. It simply means that what I am going to be doing in this section is listing the most common mixed signals you can potentially receive from an ex boyfriend and then I will give an in-depth description as to what it going on in your exes head when he gives you the mixed signal.

Of course, most people would stop there but not me. Nope, after I give you the in depth description of the mixed signal I am also going to give you a mini solution as to how you can overcome the mixed signal.

Why am I doing this?

Because you need to know how to approach a situation where you get a mixed signal. Too many women freak out and run around like a chicken with it’s head cut off when they feel the brunt of a MS (mixed signal.)

I don’t want that to be you.

I want you to be prepared.

Lets get started.

Mixed Signal #1 – He Breaks Up With You (Says He Loves You Post Breakup)

in love with you

I can’t tell you how many times women come to me saying something like this,

“Chris, my ex and I just broke up a few weeks ago and he recently just got back in touch with me and told me that he loves me. Of course, it’s been another two weeks and he hasn’t even responded to any text message or phone call since… What is going on?”

In my opinion what really matters here is when he says he loves you.

What do I mean by that?

Lets take two situations.

Situation 1- Your ex boyfriend says he loves you 1 week after the breakup.

Situation 2- Your ex boyfriend says he loves you 6 weeks after the breakup.

When you look at these two situations which one do you think is more powerful?

Situation 2 is.

Why?

Because if your ex boyfriend says he loves you right after the breakup he is still highly emotional and the feelings of an emotional person can be a little bit inconsistent.

He can hate you one moment and love you the next.

While he may mean it I would still take everything he says immediately after the breakup with a grain of salt.

Of course, when you look at the other situation, situation 2, the chances are a little bit higher that he means what he says.

Why?

6 weeks have passed after the breakup.

That is roughly a month and a half.

It is more likely that emotionally he is in a calmer and more logical state. Thus, there are more meaning behind his words.

A lot of women freak out when they get this mixed signal but I have found that in most cases the “I love you” from their ex came 1-2 weeks after the breakup. So, lets just operate under this assumption when we look at the “mini solution” for this mixed signal.

The Mini Solution

The first thing I think you should do is determine when the “I love you” was said.

This way you can get a gauge on how much your ex boyfriend really means it.

Remember the rule,

“The farther away the “I love you” is from the breakup the better.”

Of course, above I said that we were going to operate in a worst case scenario situation where the “I love you” came 1 to 2 weeks after the breakup. Well, in this case it is more likely that your ex boyfriend is shotgunning his wild feelings all over the place and it just so happens “I love you” is one of those feelings.

You know what I have always found interesting about the phrase, “I love you?”

It’s the fact that any time anyone says it they are expecting an answer back.

The answer?

“I love you too.”

So, your ex boyfriend saying “I love you” is almost a way of seeking affection/admiration from you.

He is expecting the normal,

“I love you too” response.

Well, I don’t want you to say it back.

Instead, I want you to say something like,

i love you text

Why should you say this?

Remember, men always want what they can’t have.

If your ex boyfriend tells you that he loves you and you don’t say it back it will raise your value in his mind. Yes, he may be hurt at first that you don’t say it back but in my opinion it is a better option than saying it back.

Why?

Think about what will happen if you say it back.

He will probably be happy for a split second and you will have verified to him that he can still get you whenever he wants.

He isn’t going to chase after something he already has.

(P.S. This even works if he says something like, “I miss you” too.)

Mixed Signal #2 – He Tells You That The Two Of You May Get Back Together Down The Road (Never Comes Close To A Reunion)

right now

This is a common “go to” for ex boyfriends.

Before the breakup is final they like to throw in a simple phrase that most women hold on to for dear life,

“We will probably get back together down the road.”

Of course, when push comes to shove and you are down the road the two of you aren’t even close to getting back together.

This results in a very big mixed signal since you were under the impression that the two of you would get back together.

But what is really going on here?

What does your ex boyfriend really mean when he says,

“We can get back together later.”

Well, the first thing I want to explore is whether or not your ex boyfriend actually means it or not.

While I don’t want to give you a false hope to hold onto I will admit that there are men that really do mean it when they say that they want to get back together later.

How did I arrive at this conclusion.

Through a good friend of mine.

We actually went out for a beer (a few years ago) and he told me something really interesting.

“Chris, I love my girlfriend to death but I am thinking of breaking up with her so I can play the field a bit… She is definitely the one I want to marry but before I marry her I want to get the “single life” out of my system.”

Interesting mindset…

Here is the thing, he was 100% serious. I looked in his eyes and I knew it.

He would have broken up with her and gotten right back with her.

Funny thing is she broke up with him later that year.

The relationship gods are funny like that.

Anyways, generally speaking when a man tells you something like “we will get back together later” he usually doesn’t mean it. Now, that doesn’t mean you can’t get him back you just have to get a little creative.

The Mini Solution

Lets just assume that your ex boyfriend has told you that he will get back together with you down the road.

What is he doing here?

Well, he is stringing you along.

He wants to keep you as a friend (perhaps with benefits down the road?)

All in all I think it’s clear where he is putting you, the friend zone.

So, what is the best way to get out of the friend zone?

You reverse friend zone him.

I actually talked about this recently with EBR 012.

Reverse friend zoning is the art of putting your ex boyfriend in the friend zone instead of you. I like to tell women that an effective way to do this is to treat their exes just like they would with a gay best guy friend.

A woman with a gay guy friend treats that guy friend a certain way.

She will call him up and ask him for favors,

“Hey Gary, I need your help moving into my new apartment.”

She will tell him about the men she might date,

“Gary, you will never believe it. I just met the most incredible guy.”

You need to treat your ex boyfriend this exact way.

Let him experience the friend zone for himself.

Mixed Signal #3 – He Talks About Getting Engaged, Having Kids And Having A Happy Life (And Then Breaks Up With You)

perfect marriage

“Chris, I don’t know what to do… He just broke up with me and I don’t understand. He told me that he was so in love with me. We talked about getting married. We even picked out our kids names. How can he just end things? We seemed so great a week ago.”

This was an email I received today from a woman desperately trying to win her ex back (I paraphrased it a bit.)

This mixed signal is unfortunately a pretty common occurrence in the dating world. Your ex boyfriend, who you love more than anything has just painted a picture of pure romantic bliss for you and you had no choice but to believe him.

Of course, when it really came down to crunch time he is nowhere to be found.

So, what happened here?

Did the idea of a life long commitment scare him?

Possibly, but I think there is a deeper explanation.

Lets look at the facts.

What we know so far if we operate under the assumption that your ex boyfriend has given you this mixed signal is that he has told you,

A. He says loves you

B. He says wants to marry you

C. He says wants to father your children

When most women hear these three things from a man that they are in love with they experience very strong emotions that tie them closer to their man.

When women are emotionally tied to a man life is pleasant for that man.

  • That man will get more sex.
  • That man will feel more admired.
  • That man will feel more loved.

All in all, life is pretty good.

Most men understand this so they will say (A), (B) and (C) to achieve more sex, more admiration and more love from their woman.

Do they mean it deep down?

Maybe a part of them does.

However, for the most part they are doing it to gain “point’s” with you.

So, when a breakup does occur and a woman is confused as to what the heck happened to her life plans with their partner this is usually what is going on.

The Mini Solution

Take everything with a grain of salt.

Do you remember my graph above about words and actions?

(How if the words and actions agree there is not a mixed signal and if the words and actions do not agree there is not a mixed signal?)

Well, I want to apply the same type of logic here.

If your boyfriend is promising you a marriage, kids and a white picket fence then you have my permission to get excited over it because the thought itself is very nice.

However, that’s all it is, a thought.

“I want to marry you…”

“I want kids with you…”

“I want a life with you…”

They are just words.

Your boyfriend hasn’t actually gotten down on one knee and proposed to you.

He hasn’t actually given you kids yet.

He hasn’t actually built a life with you yet.

Until those things actually happen you need to take his words with a grain of salt.

Words mean nothing after all, only actions do.

Mixed Signal #4 – Your Ex Boyfriend Acts Like He Wants To Hang Out With You (But When It Comes Down To It He Never Does)

hang out

I have a lot of experience with this in my life because I have come up with a lot of pretty lame excuses for standing girls up at the last minute.

(I am bad, I know.)

How this mixed signal works with your ex boyfriend is pretty simple.

After the breakup you and your ex boyfriend seem to be making some positive progress towards a reconnection. The two of you are back on speaking terms and have even started flirting a little bit. Of course, he doesn’t seem to be getting the hints that you are dropping that you want him to ask you on a date. So, instead of waiting around you decide to go on the offensive and actually ask him out.

kakistos reach out

Notice how Kakistos (I will give a free ebook to the first person who explains this reference in the comments ) was very receptive to the cup of coffee.

Of course, when Tuesday does finally come around Kakistos sends you this text,

kakistos rain check

Now, in the world we live in everyone has a busy schedule so you decide to forgive Kakistos and decide to ask him out again on Friday.

Again he acts super interested and excited and again he stands you up.

This happens three more times and you start to wonder if he is doing this on purpose.

Is he?

Well, that’s what I am here to help you discover.

My Experience With Standing Dates Up

Lets use me as the benchmark for the average man or in this case your ex boyfriend.

I mentioned above that I have come up with a lot of lame excuses over the years for standing dates up.

(Not proud of it to be honest.)

Well, right now I don’t want to focus on the excuses I want to focus on why I came up with the excuses.

Personally, it was never the fact that I didn’t like the girl.

Every girl I have ever gone on a date with I have always thought in my head,

“I have the potential to like this girl”

However, what would make me use excuses on them was the fact that I would always think to myself,

“I am not sure I have the potential to fall in love with this girl.”

If I wasn’t 100% sure that could happen then I didn’t really want to go through with a date.

You are probably wondering why I would even agree to a date in the first place if I thought I couldn’t fall in love with the girl, huh?

Well, a lot of times I wouldn’t reach this conclusion until right before the date when I had gotten to know the person a little bit better.

So, what I think may be happening with your ex boyfriend if you get this mixed signal from him is that he is having doubts on if he could “re-fall” in love with you again.

Is “re-fall” in love even a word?

Anyways, he may be concerned that the two of you tried it once before, failed, and he doesn’t want history to repeat itself again.

The Mini Solution

Overcoming this mixed signal is a function of overcoming his doubts.

Look, right now it’s clear that he is having doubts that the two of you can fall for each other again.

However, that doesn’t mean that you can’t sway him.

Of course, you can’t just approach him one day and say,

“Kakistos, if we get back together it will be different.”

Men will find this approach too aggressive and instead of bringing him closer you will push him farther away.

Instead, I would say that your best approach to overcoming his doubts is to use his emotions against him.

You want to knew what drew me to my wife?

It was the fact that when I would daydream about her and I together it consumed me. That’s all I would think about for most days. Heck, it’s all I think about still. I mean, I am supposed to be writing a post about ex boyfriends and here I am going on and on about her again.

(Sorry for that… I just love her way too much.)

If you can get your ex boyfriend to daydream about you that way then he will say yes to meeting you in the parking lot of McDonalds for heavens sake.

But how?

How do you achieve this “daydream affect?”

Two words…

Ungettable Girl

If you become his UG (ungettable girl) getting a date with him should be the least of your worries!

Anyways, that’s going to do it for me.

Can you think of any other mixed signals I missed?

If you can please comment and I would be happy to dissect them for you there.

February 1, 2017

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

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What Do You Think? (465)

  1. sophie - 0

    sophie

    I got with my ex 4 years ago and have been broken up for two years. we were in love not one argument for the first year of our relationship. bit of background we have both come from similar backgrounds and are very reserved people, when he was 15 his dad had an affair and his mum left him he had to go and live with him auntie, we both suffer from anxiety he suffers from depression too. the way he treats women including his mother is not nice. when I met him he was very low with his anxiety and depression and I wonder if that’s why he treated me so well. I couldn’t have asked for a better partner. 9 months in to the relationship I was on a family holiday alone I found out I was pregnant I was assured that all would be ok and we could continue with the pregnancy we were both happy about this. during my holiday I also found that my partner had been texting other girls in Portugal where he was currently visiting with friends. being immature I blocked him from contacting me for the two weeks whilst I have since found out that these text messages were sent by his friends. being immature at the time I followed my ex boyfriend on instagram – no messages or anything like that I would never cheat on anybody and I loved and still love him so much I wouldn’t do anything to hurt him. after returning frim my holiday we continued with our relationship and I blocked my ex boyfriend from contacting me however we was contacting me on his friends accounts in the middle of the night etc I was always open and would tell him what was going on, after months of arguing over his cheating messages and my ex boyfriend I decided to have a termination, I was left on my own to go to the clinic and my bank card was taken off me leaving me with very little money for the weekend as he was required to go away and work and had lost his bank card he didn’t even call me to see how I was feeling. following this we went on vacation during this time I was not allowed to have sex because of my termination however he insisted I did as I asked him to get off me during this due to the pain and being on 3 lots of antibiotics after getting and infection he did not talk to me for 2 days of the vacation which was horrible and so upsetting and on top of this I found text message of 10/15 girls. after begging for months and months for him to stop and saying that I wouldn’t continue the relationship if he carried on acting like this we broke up. when we would have a slight disagreement or argument I would be blocked on all forms of contact despite being together for days on end until he would decide he wanted to speak to me this has caused me to have really bad anxiety. since splitting up we have both been back and fourth with contact, I know he has acted bad however I have said a few nasty things and also messaged consistently for days and called consistently like a physco. he says he cannot forget my past (my ex) however he has been in contact multiple times over the last 2 years asking to see me/speak to me have a fresh start act like nothing has happened. however i cannot do this as I know he is in contact with a number of different calls and he has lots of different calls all over his social media accounts due to his job it means that he has a lot of female attention however this is because he has a lot of money to offer then, he is paranoid of this and is aware. I do believe he has changed and I have taught him a lesson not to treat people the way he has as you will just get a headache in the long run lol. however he wants to speak to me aswell as all the other girls that he speaks to, when I block him on every method of contact he emails. he goes through weeks of hating me before reaching out and contacting me for a made up reason he could never admit that he cares. I don’t want to throw away the last 4 years as I do still love him howveer I don’t want to waste anymore time. someone help?

    Reply
  2. Gina - 0

    Gina

    Kakistos is a Buffy reference!
    Do I get the free e-book? 🙂

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Sorry Gina, only the first person gets it. Thanks for trying though

  3. Jackie - 0

    Jackie

    Hello, I broke up with my ex three months ago. I broke up with him because he waited to tell me about his divorce and kids until after asking me to move in. We only dated for two months but we both fell for eachother quickly. After the breakup he kind of shut down while I still wanted to talk about things. I found out later his mom is ill and he was dealing with that too.
    For the next few weeks I was very emotional and he was distant. We didn’t talk for a month. Then I contacted him. The conversation was fun and casual, seemed like how we were before and could just joke with eachother. Then he got sexual towards me and asked if we could have sex again. I was on the fence about it and expressed how I felt and he said okay I understand.
    After about a week, we talked about hanging out but nothing came of that yet. We are not in contact now and it’s been a few weeks.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      How much are you improving yourself and how active were you in posting?

  4. Amy - 0

    Amy

    hey
    My problem is like the fourth signal, only it’s calls and texts! We had already moved forward alot ! We were texting and calling ! Although I tried to convince him he said okay and even would say he loves me ! Then soon I just talked about my guy friend and he just stopped our conversation and is became distant and I became distant for some days then starting texting him! He talks really briefly with me and says he will text me and call me but doesn’t ! And replies late or doesn’t at all! What should I do now? It’s like all my progress went down hill from there! I have already done the no contact strategy before all this!
    Please help!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      How many times have you done nc?

    • Amy - 0

      Amy

      Immediately after the break up for 4 straight months then wished him birthday and then 1 month which he broke and contacted me and then he waited another week to text me and then we were in continuous contact and I have done mini NC in between which is alientating him! Nowadays I text him and he replies late and we talk and he doesn’t contact me himself anymore! I text him sometimes every other day or after some days consecutively!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Because you didnt do everything the right way.. Did you just lately do the begging? The right way to do nc is to improve yourself, be active in posting, slowly and continuously build rapport while also continuing to do what you started to do in nc.. It’s not a guarantee that that will work. It will only increase your chances but since you didn’t follow it, it didn’t help you too.. So, try it the right way, one last time..if it doesn’t work out, you have to move on..

    • Amy - 0

      Amy

      After my break up for 4 straight months then wished him birthday then for 1 month again which he broke and texted me and then 1 week and then continuous contact and now everything is like this!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Because you didnt do everything the right way.. Did you just lately do the begging? The right way to do nc is to improve yourself, be active in posting, slowly and continuously build rapport while also continuing to do what you started to do in nc.. It’s not a guarantee that that will work. It will only increase your chances but since you didn’t follow it, it didn’t help you too.. So, try it the right way, one last time..if it doesn’t work out, you have to move on..

    • Amy - 0

      Amy

      How many days of No contact? 21, 30 or 45? I had improved a lot during the NC before but I fell in love again with him and was too available and couldn’t really control myself much so that’s why! I got way too desperate and begged and everything so I kind of backpedalled and did all these stupid things which I wasn’t supposed to do! When he came back, he clearly asked me if I was seeing someone else and that he would like for us to give it a try and that he hopes it will turn out good and he said he has feelings for me that’s why he came back! Everything was so promise but I ruined it all!
      Now he knows that I am still the same person although I did improve but I did the stupid things and now everything is even worse!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Do at least 45 days..

    • Amy - 0

      Amy

      Isn’t 45 days too long? What if he never talks to me again if I purposely ignore him ? And I am so little active on social media! Doing that will be too out of character for me and I don’t feel comfortable sharing my life with the whole world! Is there any way around the social media thing?

  5. Barbos - 0

    Barbos

    Hi I am a guy, so maybe not in the right place to comment here but if you can help me everything is welcome.

    I met my boyfriend in february and after two weeks of dating we admitted we are in a relationship. Everything went smoothly. My boyfriend is a muslim so he was not out to his environment but he always came with my friends and we were open.
    After two months I met his family (as friends of course). I knew he loved me. So, it was i quite big step for him.

    We are very different personalities. Two different worlds but his physics and the passion drew me towards him. Intellectually we were also very different. I’m into politics and arts. He wanted a stable life and not a lot of ambition. I didn’t really mind it, cause I have my friends for those kind of things. He was really bad in communicating. He even said everything is communication. Not talking and just being with each other is also a communication. So, a lot of things he said didn’t make sense. So, day by day I got irritated and he was also being greedy.

    My female best friend was always with us. And they bounded really good. We saw each other a lot during the week. And we spoke daily on our WhatsApp group. I really loved the fact that my best friend and my boyfriend like each other a lot. Until the fact when we, my boyfriend and I, had a fight and I kinda ended it for just few hours then we went out to talk and we talked but nothing much came out. He didn’t see any problems only I did. And after a while he asked why I was so against his bound with my female best friend. I told him I always wanted you two to have good bound. But now, that you are asking me during our conversation about my best friend this is not ok! I felt terrible about it. He also said to me, if something happened to us. He would like to keep contact with the 3 of us.

    After our conversation everything was fucked up for me. I was less satisfied. We grew apart. He was writing in our WhatsApp group and in our private group he was almost cold showering me. So I went to him and asked that we should end this relationship or give it a try again after a pause ( the holy month of Ramadan was in june and I had also exams). So, I thought 3 weeks of having a break, will clear the things up. But after two weeks I had enough I wrote him. Ands asked if he had thought and made a decision through WhatsApp. I did this on purpose cause live he could never express himself.

    He said to me that he thinks that we should break up and stay friends. I only see mistakes of others but I don’t see my own mistakes. He also said that i need someone who is more like me and that he is to boring for me.

    I said I missed him and asked if he loves me. He responded love is a big thing. He said I love my mother and my sisters and friends. But if you mean if I love you like a partner, he said the he doesn’t love me any more. Just like a friend.

    I said that’s a clear answer which I couldn’t give. So I thanked him for the wonderful moments and told him we learned a lot. And I got much more wiser than before.
    He asked me if this is a bye forever or what? I responded that I am just thanking and appreciating the moments. We don’t know what the future might bring.

    So we ended our conversation. But, two days later he sent me a video listening to our song. I didn’t respond to that video at all. And few days later he liked one of my pics on Facebook.

    What’s this all about? Why did he argument that he loves his mum, sisters but not me anymore,… and after two days sending a quite emotional song, our song together.

    Can’t figure it out at all. I so wanna move on with my life. But this ending feels just not right.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      He wants to friendzone you.. Because he felt that you said goodbye and it’s out of his hands..so, that’s his way of slowly moving on

    • Arbos - 0

      Arbos

      @EBR Team Member: Amor

      So, he was friendzoning me? Does this mean that I can’t be together again with him? I really want to be together, despite all of those things that don’t match between us.
      This passion and emotional bound is really strong.

      Today I asked him if we could grab a drink. He responded yes of course. We will see each other Thursday. First he was sending just one words text. But later on he asked me if everything was going ok. Afterwards we had a conversation about his family and stuff like nothing had happened. All this things happened today. I’m not gonna ask him immediately to get back, but that’s clearly my intention. I don’t feel that it is really over between us.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      How are things now?

  6. Shannon - 0

    Shannon

    My bf and i of 4 years broke up and after not speaking for 32 days i never begged,pleaded, texted or called him after he broke up I strictly went to no contact. He contacted me out of the blue on day 32 with a bogus text trying to reach out. Anyway i acted cordial and told him that I would like to talk sometime soon because there were some things i wanted to say to him. Anyway when i went over and apologized for my part in how our realtionship broke apart he told me that he loved and missed me and that he wanted a future with me. We were initmate and he was soo sweet telling me he loved and missed me and kissed me and cuddled with me. The next day i got two 4 texts from him one saying Love ya and i replied I love you too with kissy face emojs then he replied back with emjo kissy face and wrote Love Love Love ya and today i have heard nothing Im sooo upset and confused now Im guessing I was used

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      its hard to telll if its just a day.. you have to observe more in the coming days

  7. Kim - 0

    Kim

    Hi, me and my boyfriend were together for over three years and this past year has been rocky. In December he broke up with me and two weeks later he regretted it and convinced me to get back with him. I did even though I felt like we didn’t let enough time pass. We were together for about to months which were absolutely amazing. I had to break up with him because again he wasn’t sure what he wanted so I had to put my foot down. We’re young and he wanted to play the field, as did I. After a month and a half he reached out to me and confessed that he messed up and wants me back and doesn’t care how long it takes. This was about a week ago and he we have talked a little in between but I’m surprised he hasn’t tried to make plans with me. I don’t know what to do. I love him and my heart is set on him but I don’t want to be on the back burner. SHould I just wait and see what happens or reach out to him?

    Reply
  8. Ayano - 0

    Ayano

    I had a talk in person with my ex after 2 months of NC, but unfortunately the talk was for us to get a closure of the breakup. That was his idea, since we didn’t end the rls well. It was weird… seeing him and feeling the emotion as if we were still in love. I don’t know about him, but my part still feel the spark between us. It has been deeply buried with his sadness and regret. Despite of saying he was out of love for me, his body language and eye contact said we’re still intimated. But I have less hope after the talk due to 2 reasons:

    1. He was very keen on the thought of him being an asshole that he has mistreated me, and I deserve someone better. He said he made a rush decision of being with me out of loneliness. I asked him would he like to try again if a chance were given, he said: “Yes I would, but people will think I’m shameless.”
    2. Another reason we had the talk was that I discovered he started this sort of ‘intimacy’ with his female friend in college short after we broke up. I feel like he’s being disrespectful to me, to our relationship. He’s an honest man tho. He insisted that he really likes her. He has been liking her since freshman year (during that time he was still in a LDR). But he didn’t cheat, he only considered her as a friend. That was same to his rls with me. But the point is… how can a ‘like’ got serious that quickly? Just ended a rls then quickly jump into a new chase. I broke this to him that he probably doesn’t even now what love is. He was upset, but didn’t say anything, because he knew I wouldn’t believe him. Eventually said he doesn’t want a rls right now. But it still hurts knowing he gives his heart to someone else so fast.

    Ever since first contact, I’m always the one initiate the conversation, he has been distant and talk less. But I noticed that he still reminds me to sleep early every day (all our conversation happen at night), when I ask what’s his problem with my sleeping habit, he said he doesn’t want me to be hospitalized like him; He was annoyed when seeing the cut on my arm, sometimes asked about my family. Just minor and subtle signs, but does that mean he still care?

    In our talk, he even said: “Do you know that you look beautiful in this angle?” I was surprised, but I decided to test by saying “Now I know, you still like me.” he was silent for a moment and added “As friends. Because you’re a nice girl. Too nice for me.”
    Are ‘friends’ supposed to care for each other like that? He still loves me, isn’t he?

    What should I do? My case is like no others. It’s so hard to get to him when he has closed his heart, and someone not a rebound got in the way. We’re still on talking term, but how can I get him back if he has accepted the end result?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      he’s in a grass is greener case.. the bad thing is it’s obvious that you want him back because of your actions..there’s no chase.. so, you’re like friendzoned right now.. it’s either you move on or restart a 30 day nc, be really active in improving yourself, go out and do new things and make new friends and then take it slow in building rapport after nc, while you continue the activities you started during nc.. be an ungettable girl.

    • Ayano - 0

      Ayano

      I’m afraid he’s being indifferent. We only talk through FB, I’m not friend with him there but we still keep contact through messenger. He shows no emotion (he’s being friendly and polite, like we’re good friend), never initiates contact, shows less interest in keeping the conversation though we can still share details of the day (what we did, our grades at school, him planning on buying a new watch and asked my opinion on the watch). I’ve read the post about GIGS, I don’t see his behaviors match any of those Chris mentioned. He has had a soft spot for her throughout 2 relationships with me and his previous gf. I know they’re not officially dating, but she’s his priority now and my heart aches every time I see her chat icon on his phone (he sometimes takes a screenshot of his phone). I feel like he’s waiting for her, patiently flirting. Can we inspire indifference to make it become love again? I want to know if there’s still the slightest chance before completely giving up.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      if he’s waiting for her all along then that is gigs..because that means he thinks no one is better than her.. whoever he is with, if at the end of the day he thinks he should be with her, then that means she’s the best for him..

      when you’re indifferent with somebody that’s more because you’re not emotionally invested in that person.. you said she’s his priority, that means he’s emotionally invested in her.. which goes back to gigs again..

  9. Jess - 0

    Jess

    A week ago my ex ended things after an arghumen. He said he doesn’t feel real appreciated. I begged for him back several times so we were never out of contact for more than 2 days. On Wednesday he said he made up his mind and we can talk next week but need space. Than fri morning asking if I want to get together next week … I said maybe. I said I was happy we were talking again & he said it’s impossible we would never talk again, and he truly wants me as a friend forever.. I felt very friend zoned by that comment. How did he go Fromm being in love with me to loving me as a friend in one week?! Is there a chance to change his perception

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      try the no contact rule.. do it for 21 days

  10. jules - 0

    jules

    My ex and i broke up after 5 years. His reason was that i “dont listen” i analysed his reason and came to the conclusion that even if he felt this was a factor..that it was not the real reason. text me 10 days after he moved out saying he was sorry if i hurt you please forgive me…wished me happiness and thanked me for the things i did..then said he had to leave because his heart was hurting and that we arent on the same level but this is common. – what should i make of this. I didnt write back.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      looks like he fell out of love. Aare you going to do the no contact rule?

  11. Steph - 0

    Steph

    Hi! Just broke up with my ex recently. He told me that he was confused as to what he wants from me and that he needed the time to see this confusion. But he still asks for my pictures of myself to be sent to him because he said that he wanted to keep it. Is he really confused or he is making himself confused?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      he might be confused.. because by human nature he’s still used to having you around but that doesn’t means he wants to get back with you.

    • Steph - 0

      Steph

      Sorry, I dont know how to reply. Should I give him the pictures which he is asking for? Or just completely ignore him and do the NC?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      that’s ok..ignore him, keep in nc..

  12. Steph - 0

    Steph

    Hi! Just broke up with my ex recently. He told me that he was confused as to what he wants from me and that he needed the time to see this confusion. But he still asks for my pictures of myself to be sent to him because he said that he wanted to keep it. Is he really confused or he is making himself confused?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      he might be confused.. because by human nature he’s still used to having you around but that doesn’t means he wants to get back with you.

  13. R - 0

    R

    Hi, I really need your advice.
    One month ago my boyfriend broke up with me. It all started from a silly fight, after that he kept saying things like we have nothing in common and that he started to get bored in the relationship. We had been together for 3 years.
    For almost two weeks we continued living together in our rented apartment. He continued to do a some nice things for me like picking me up from work and buying food to eat together. One day he kissed me and hugged me, saying that he missed me, and then we had sex, but the next day he told me he was still going to continue with the breakup.
    So he found a place in a student dorm (we are both still students) and I went to sleep at a friend’s house because i did not want to see him moving his stuff. But after two days he called me crying and said that he wanted to try and work things out again and I agreed. He said that we needed to do more fun stuff together so that we never get bored of each other again.
    However, he has been very distant since then. I have been the one who initiates most of the activities, but mostly he refuses saying he’s tired or that we don’t have money to go out. But we had a few happy moments, too.
    I also have to mention that, after the breakup, my mother called him and said some hurtful things to him. I apologized and tried to convince him that she would finally have to accept us, but since then he has been mentioning her a lot in conversations, saying that she’s never going to act nice to us if we stay together.
    Two days ago we spent a romantic evening together and I thought that things were finally falling into place.
    The next day, however, he told me that he was going to move some stuff to his mother’s home. He would not give me a clear explanation for that. Later, I entered on his facebook profile and noticed that I can’t see some of his recent posts, and I also can’t see his friends list anymore (did he block me in some way?). Later I also noticed that he put a password on his phone and laptop.
    When I confronted him about moving his stuff, he said that he only sees us in a short-term relationship and not as a married couple and that we’ll never be able to live peacefully because our parents don’t get along. I asked him if he wanted us to terminate the relationship, but he did not know what to reply.
    Yesterday, I got tired of us living under the same roof but ignoring each other, so I asked him what his intentions are. He said that he intended to stay with me until in found a new place to live (I am going to buy an apartment) so he could help me move. And that he moved back because it was more comfortable for him, but that he thinks we could be good roommates. I said it’s too painful for me to live with him without being in a relationship, so he decided to start moving his stuff next week. Later, he also said that he did not like how our families disapprove of us (his mother, which has never liked me, told him she would never visit us if we stay together) and that he wanted a relationship were being in good terms with each other’s families is possible.
    I don’t understand what was the true reason for the break up (was it our parents or the fact that we have nothing in common?) . Is there any hope to save this relationship and if yes, how should I act? For now, I will go away for a few days to visit my family, but when I come back I will probably have to stay and watch him moving his stuff out of the apartment.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi R,

      he’s more likely just adding up his parents as a reason, but if he really still wants to be with you, he wouldn’t care much about that to break up with you.. try at least 30 days of no contact.

  14. Kyp - 0

    Kyp

    Yesterday I was on facebook sharing some videos when at one point my ex got on and he started sharing a couple of my posts. Normally when I get on when he’s on he will leave when I start posting. Sometimes when I’m posting he might stay on but he won’t post anything. When I stop for awhile then he will start posting again but stop when I start. Sometimes I’ve noticed too that when he gets off his friend (the mutual friend) will get on but he won’t post anything. The mutual friend stays in my top 6 friend list all the time even though we don’t interact with each other.
    Yesterday my exes new gf posted a pic of herself and I noticed something kinda weird. To me anyway. Awhile back she dyed her hair blonde but the pic she posted yesterday she had red in her hair. What made this weird to me is that I have red hair. I have red hair and brown eyes and she has brown eyes and now red in her hair. Wouldn’t this remind him of me? And why does he react that way on facebook where he seems sorta friendly one day but nothing the next? This is the second time this has happened. Are these mixed signals?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it can be.. but it can also mean he just have a certain type in women.

    • Kyp - 0

      Kyp

      I asked him once what kind of girls he preferred and he told me smaller brunettes. He knows I’m a natural brunette and out of all the girls he’s been with I’ve been the smallest.
      He told me too that he wanted a smaller girl so he could protect her with his size and that’s what he did with me.
      But the sad thing too is that while we were together he didn’t think he was worthy of me for whatever reason. Probably because of his low self esteem.
      Despite that a couple weeks before he broke up with me he was still talking about me taking his last name. But there was also one day where we were talking through text and at one point he said something like I wasn’t the only one feeling depressed cause he was feeling that way cause he kept thinking I was going to leave him.
      I was asking a friend of mine about the whole facebook thing and his thoughts were that maybe he realizes he made a mistake but doesn’t know what to do about it. He never talks to his parents about anything so the people he talked to about us were people who didn’t even like me for whatever reason so I do believe they told him to leave me

  15. Jadyn - 0

    Jadyn

    Ugh. I think my ex gave me these same signals. Or maybe I forced him to. I don’t know. Originally (a month ago) he said he needed a break from us. To find himself. I didn’t understand this. So I gave him 3 days (should have gave him more but I was a basket case). So after 3 days he tells me he hasn’t had time to think about life because he said been super busy (I know he was). So I convinced him we should try to get through it together. That we should end the break and get through whatever was going on together. You see he warned me millions of times that I was an awful communicator and I needed to work on it but I never truly did. And I only realized how bad it was until our 3 day break happened. It was then that I realized how not communicated KILLED. So I convinced him we should end the break and communicate and work through things. I felt like a changed person because I finally understood why he got so frustrated when I would freeze during “talks”. So we got back together for 3 days. I thought things were going well. He still had stuck in his mind that he needed “him” time and he needed to figure his life out. So we told me again that we needed to take a break. This time I went NUTS. I gave him an ultimatum. I told him it wasn’t fair to string me along and it’s impossible to not know how you feel. He either wants me, or doesn’t. I told him to break up with me or stay with me and we would work through issues together. His reply…. I always f**k everything good up in my life and I’ve done it again, you’re amazing I just need time. So because I can’t have my option and take a break I guess we need to break up. We both cried for a good hour. We hugged and kissed goodbye. We said multiple times how we loved each other and didn’t want this. 5 minutes after I left (moved out of his house) he text messaged me saying how wrong this feels and how he didn’t want it to be this way, he didn’t want us to separate. We sent messages back and forth for quite some time. I still didn’t understand what was happening. The next day I begged him to change his mind. I was a mess, I text messages him for hours asking him to just change his mind. To nOt throw away the last 3 years of our lives and to work it out together. He again said how he didn’t want us to separate but now that we have that we have to finding out on our own we we are as individuals and if it’s meant to be that it’ll be….this brought me to this site. I started the NC and I am on day 6. I’m going crazy. What does this all mean? We were looking at buying house for months, and we were even looking at realty posts online afew nights before. How did everything change so fast. I know my communication was bad, that was a big part. But I was so willing to work it out and he just through it away. So many mixed signals that I don’t understand why we are broken up or why he needed a break. I don’t even understand the difference to tell you the truth… I emailed ex recovery with my story, you can look there for more info. But please. Answer me this. What is happening? How do I move in and get through the NC with everything so confusing and not final. I have so much hope. And I think it’s ruining me and stopping me from being able to move on.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      It would be better not to talk to his parents too and his friends for now..so that you wouldn’t look like you’re checking up on him.. He’s probably confused about his decision..leverage that by focusing in yourself in healing and improving and being active in posting..

  16. Shay - 0

    Shay

    My boyfriend and I dated for 3 months. We had a lot of problems in that, though we work together, we only actually got to hang out about once a week. He wasn’t a very good communicator, so talking in between those times hanging out was scarce. This made it really hard to form an emotional connection. I knew we had problems, but I still wanted to make it work. He did not. Here’s where it gets weird though, before I left his house after we broke, I said “I guess I should go” to which he replied ” I mean you don’t have to. You can stay for dinner if you want.” What even. It’s been about 3 weeks since the break ups and ther’s been very little contact even though we see eachother in passing a few times I day. What did he mean when he asked me to stay for dinner? Is that a sign that he didnt really want to cut contact like we ended up doing?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Shay,

      can be, but it can also be that he’s just being nice since he knows he hurt you. Check this one:
      EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

    • Robin - 0

      Robin

      I didn’t know how to comment so I just hit reply. But anyway my situation is that pretty much everyday he texts me telling me that he is always in my corner and checks my instagram and says how proud he is of me. I’m guessing he really is done? He said he’s going to continue to tell me how proud he is. I’ve already done the 30day nc.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Robin

      when and why did you break up? When did you do nc and how much did you improve? Do you mean you’re slowly building up rapport now?

  17. Abby - 0

    Abby

    My ex broke up with me about 2 moths ago he said he only wants to be friends I agree at the top me cause that was better than not have him m at all but he’s behavior show me otherwise I felt like he didn’t even wanted to be my friend so I decide just to stop t calling him and texting him after a month of not talking he text me….hi friend….I reply saying hi …. he said I just wanted to say hi I wanted to say hi days back but I did know how….I said ok thank you for saying hi I guess…he said your welcome talk to you later …,.i don’t understand if he doesn’t want anything to do with me it was obvious that he didn’t want my friendship the way he acted with me now after a month he text me why is he doing that for what I’m stop talking texting calling just like he wanted please help me understand he confuses me and hurts me because I go have feelings for him but I know he doesn’t for me but he confuses me

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Abby,

      that could be just ego boost, knowing that you’re still replying to him..

  18. CB - 0

    CB

    Very good one, Chris!
    Although the part where you explain that for instance you might breakup because you saw your girl flirt with another guy once, is simply wishful thinking on your behalf.
    You want to THINK you broke up with her because of a flaw.
    BUT: You actually break up with a person due to her being needy
    and therefore the dumper getting spoiled.
    Goes for 99 % of breakups.
    I gather.
    To get an Ex back, I think a universal solution is to be cool, aloof, lazy, calm, happy monosyllabic and act not so interested. Hard-to-get and calm.
    Makes him work for you (court) again.

    Reply
  19. safz - 0

    safz

    My ex agreed to meet for coffee. Infact he seemed quite keen and to an extent excited. The night before though he started to act very rude and somewhat mean. I told him he didn’t have to come, it’s not big deal.
    Well he decides to come anyway. Takes me to a fancy restaurant, brings me an expensive gift. And towards the end of the meeting gives me a ‘friendly’ hug and says I’m here if you ever need someone…. (OKAY THEN).
    Not to mention upon asking him if he’s seeing other people, he tells me he’s been causally ‘hooking up’ with ‘very attractive women’.
    I made my intention very clear that I was looking to reconcile. But his actions left me feeling very confused, rejected and somewhat annoyed.

    He tells me he doesn’t want to get back but reaches out to my sister all the time, expressing how if I can convince him that I make him happy that he will get back together. I obviously ignored this dumb suggestion, because if he loved me he didn’t need my convincing. Anyway, what do you guys think is going on? Every time I try, he runs. Then he contradicts himself by demanding that I be the one trying?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Safz,

      for me he doesn’t sound good.. he looks like he’s selfish..why did you break up?

  20. Zee - 0

    Zee

    A month after we split, we talked about getting back together. He said let’s take it slow but we ended up being intimate and it threw him off. What if (I assume) he thinks I’m giving him Reason #3?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Zee,

      just dont sleep with him again so that you wont become friends with benefits but continue building rapport

  21. Em - 0

    Em

    My boyfriend and I were together for 2.5 years we had a really good relationship and I’m not just saying that we survived him being gone for 5 months while studying abroad and usually our arguments were small and we got over them very quickly. But he broke up with me the day before thanksgiving with absolutely no warning signs and when I say that I mean I got a text the night before asking if I was still coming home with him for thanksgiving and then the next day we break up because he said he can’t love me like I love him which I can understand but also kind of confusing. He has that he wants to still remain friends and hang out with each other once we’ve givin it sometime for the break to process which was also a very calm break up because I didn’t really know what to say and anything I did say wouldn’t if changed his mind right there. We met our freshman year in college so we live in the same area and relatively close so I see him a lot. our mutual friends are also my best friends which is the shitty part. And the kicker is he has made it very clear that i should still be friends with his roommates and come around and hang out with them often. Most people would be like that’s too bad these are my friends you can find new ones but he’s not saying that. He also hasn’t removed me off any social media sites I did at first but then when I saw that he didn’t remove me then I thought why should I so I readded him and he accepted and when we took a break before we officially started dating he deleted me from everything and was pissed that I tried talking to him so I though that was weird. He doesn’t initiate conversation it’s usually just me but I expect that from him because I don’t think he knows what to say to me because he knows I’m hurting but he’s never told me to stop talking to him and he has never ignored me he usually responds to me in minutes we talk about every 4 days the conversation usually goes nowhere but he’s always been a shitty texter because we were usually always together we didn’t need to. I am trying to move on and I don’t feel like I’ve gotten a lot of clarity as to why this happened because I’ve asked him if he wanted to be with another girl and he told me that he didn’t and I asked if he was completely over me and he also said that he was Not. So I asked him to tell me that there was no more hope for this relationship ever again just so It could sink in more and he tells me at the moment we aren’t getting back together. I was very confused by that because I’m not sure how to take that and it kind of seems like he can’t tell me that our relationship won’t happen again because he doesn’t know. I’m just trying to get some insight on a very confusing situation.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Em,

      he probably fell out of love and was just trying to be nice with you by saying those or because it’s human nature that he wants to continue what he’s used to doing, which is texting and talking to you

  22. Nicole - 0

    Nicole

    I have a somewhat unusual and difficult situation that I can’t even begin to comprehend. I have been in a LDR with a man for 7 1/2 years. We are Long Distance due to our careers, he is 15 years older than me (I am 46). Last year I broke it off for a period (did No Contact religiously for 30 days, re-established contact slowly, and we resumed our relationship)…we reconciled, but obviously didn’t fix our issues. Fast forward to this past October and we had a heated text argument…all of a sudden he just “ghosted” me completely. I was devastated, but never acted desperate. Our last contact was me “arguing” my point in this exchange ,to which I never received a response. I went through the whole emotional mess of just being “discarded/discounted” after 7 years, and it was very painful, but I did not contact him at all. After 6 weeks with nothing I packed all of his belongings up and sent them to him via UPS. I received an email from him afterwards that was a reply message to a string of previous love letters we had written to each other stating he had received his belongings and “it was depressing”. My response was “thanks for letting me know they arrived” and I went silent again.
    Fast forward 3 weeks (and Christmas)…I received a bracelet from him. No note, but based on the jeweler, I know it is from him. How in the hell do I respond, or do I not? The dude ghosted me, and damn if that wasn’t a huge mind-fck!!! I am both angry, as I have tried to just move on and dismiss him. I have a huge piece of my mind that he needs to hear…do I do that now? Is that too much emotion to divulge now or do I get it out of my system? Or do I just ignore everything until he reaches out to me again? I don’t know what I want at this point…I was prepared and moving forward with the thought that I was dumped and just getting over the whole thing….Now a HUGE mixed signal, and viewing it as a grain of salt, but angry that it is a grain in a wound that was healing. (I obviously loved this man).

    Too old for this sht!!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Nicole,

      if it’s for moving on, just ask him for closure

  23. T - 0

    T

    OK so I talked over the summer with my ex. I was trying to just be friends with him but he made it clear he wanted more. Now before I get to far into the story we met in highschool freshman year. We were on and off until junior year and I guess you could say f buddies until I went away for college. Even then I still got texts here and there it wasn’t often but I still got them and they weren’t text you send to people you want to be friends with. Also note he had a gf at the time. Anyway back to the current story. We talked over the summer and he made it seem like he wanted to be with me. ( Make a note that he broke up with this girl and started talking to me. He also never had a good thing to say about her) then out of nowhere his other ex that he was dating while texting me comes back into the picture and then he disappears. I suddenly find that I’m blocked on both his Twitter and Snapchat which for me and given our past relationships is a dead give away that he’s clearly got another girl. So me being me I let him know I’m not dumb and I know what he’s up to and that if he wants to be with someone else that’s fine just don’t waste my time. He swore up and down that there wasn’t anyone (lies) only to turn around and start dating her 2 days after he was in my bed telling me he loved me. I admit I was stupid for even falling for it…..again. At this point I just truly want to move on. I’m in a new long term relationship and after a year of not seeing or hearing from him he texted me on Thanksgiving. Just simply saying I hope you had a great Thanksgiving. I didn’t respond. I go about my life as if it never happened. 2 weeks later I receive another text saying I know you don’t like me but be safe please…..To which again I don’t reply. Then I get a text on Christmas saying merry Christmas to which once more no reply. Unlike some of the other people on this site I don’t want my ex back I want him to leave me alone. I have a hard enough time of dealing with the 6 years worth of heartbreak he gave me I just want him to disappear. I guess what I really want to know is why he keeps texting me especially when I’m not responding. I know I could ask him but I don’t want to speak to him he’s done enough in my life and I don’t want him to think that because I spoke to him that everything is ok. I also don’t want to assume that he still loves me or wants to be back with me while a boost to my ego I know there’s a huge chance that neither of those are the reason he’s texting. I’m just confused and I would like to know why he’s doing this. To my understanding he’s engaged to the ex he left and lives with her and happy so why bother me?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi T,

      just don’t give attention to him.. If he really is engaged, better not be his girl on the side.

  24. Lou Deane - 0

    Lou Deane

    My ex-boyfriend and I had been together just under 3 years. We started arguing and we nearly broke up and then he said he couldn’t lose me, two weeks later he ended it saying he didn’t want a relationship with anyone. I didn’t talk to him nor did I beg the last thing he said when he walked away was that he loved me and I didn’t respond. After 3 weeks I had a missed call from him and just replies asking if he was okay and he never responded. I decided to go travelling and I really got myself happy and started enjoying life again, he then started liking all my photos on facebook and then one night sent me a love heart on messenger this was 2.5 months on from the breakup. We have messaged back and fourth a bit and he said he sent it because he was thinking about me and will always think the world of me. Yesterday he wished me a Merry Christmas with a love heart and then sent me loads of memes saying this is so you and talking about future things. He said he wanted me to see him and his family again and just continued with the love hearts. I messaged him today asking when he’s free to meet and he hasn’t got back to me even though he’s been active.

    I was just hoping you could shine some light on this.

    Thank you and Happy Christmas xo

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lou deanne,

      dont rush meeting him, build rapport abd attraction through text and calls first..

  25. Anna - 0

    Anna

    Hi. I have been reading all these articles to get my ex boyfriend back, and it seemed to be working. We were already talking dayli and even planning to meet. However, at that point I realized is not about getting him back, is about getting him back the right way. I’ll explain. The reason we are not together is exactly described in this article, where its says “reason 1: he is not 100% sure about you”. He was making plans for a future, he was very devoted to me, we were happy and in a very healthy relationship, we were best friends. Until one day I asked again, just the normal talk about the subject of us and our plans, and his answer was “yeah I said that, but I never thought about it that seriously”. Ouch! After 2.5 years together I felt he was just leading me on, misleading me and using me as a placeholder until something better came. He was so shocked of my reaction because he thought it was ok to just see where things go. It was as if I was talking to a totally different person. It might be ok but I felt he should have told me and that was the main problem. We tried to talked about it, me trying to understand what was he thinking, and he was genuinely upset and really sad and miserable to loose me, but I thought I was doing the best for me cause I thought he was just a liar. However I do feel he was not doing this on purpose and he was just stupid and confused and ignorant, etc etc as I can see from this article and the comments every man is. As I said it was a great relationship and he did not want the break up at all and it hurt him a lot since it took him by surprise. We discussed the situation over months and he was being honest and saying he was confused and he was trying to be decisive but he was scared. He didn’t want me to stay with him waiting and then eventually him not being able to decide to marry me and making me waste my time. Bottomline is, did I do the right thing by breaking it off or should I have waited and give him time? I think the answer is that I did the right thing, but we were so happy and in a great relationship that I think eventually he would have ended up marrying me, but that’s a big risk for me to take. Now that I read this article I understand him better. I want to emphazise that the relationship was healthy, great sex, great communication, I’m very independet, very beautiful, with my own career, himself too, he was very proud of me, kindof the ungettabbke girl, although of course there is always room to get better. He doesn’t have any issues, his parents are still married and in a healthy marriage, his friends are almost all married, I can’t think of amything that can be making him have doubts, especially since marrying now is not even being discussed, is about where the relationship is headed, to which as we talked many times was marriage in the future. Having said all this, my last question is, is there any way to make him be 100% sure about me after he already knows me and after we already had the best relationship someone can want? Is it worth to keep trying to get him back?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Anna

      I’m not sure I understood what you said. You’re together exclusively but you broke up with him because he’s not sure if he’s going to marry you? Why? How old are you both?

  26. Madonna - 0

    Madonna

    Me and my ex-boyfriend were together almost 10 months ago. We were in love without any problem. There were no fights. He always told me that he wanted me to be his wife and he always talked in this seriously. Surprisingly in one night he became confused and he didn’t know what he want. So I chose to be friends. And I decided to still about month didn’t talk. And told him that in a message. But his reply didn’t appear if he accepted my decision or not. ” 🙁 I’m not puzzled or couldn’t take a decision. But I don’t have power to speak to you. I am sorry “. After one week of this message with no contact he came to me at the church but I ignored him and still with my friends he waited me for half an hour. When I was going out from the church he called me but I ignored him for the second time. He called my sister to complain me. And he told her that he wanted me to be his wife and he wanted to make a surprise party for me at my birthday and give me diamond ring he bought for me. After 3 days she called him and asked him if he would take an official step after this party. He told her that he has factors that he should achieve. She told him that she received his response ” no ” and she would help him to make us friends because he needs me in his day. But I demanded that I don’t want him to come to my birthday party. My sister told him that he shouldn’t come to the party so as not to break my heart. He annoyed and saw that she hurt him and he decided not to come. And told her that he thought of me more than any one. During the party he phoned me from a private number “because he knew that if he phoned me from his number I wouldn’t respond”And he told me what I dressed and where I was and who with me and he was caring for me. After that party he phoned me about 3 times a day. He became very jealous and if I said any name of boy he would anger and told me that I don’t care on him and I care on others. And he talked me in an emotional way. Last Thursday during our phone call, I had waiting call. He told me that I can answer and he would wait me. I accepted. He became very angry and said bye Madonna in an aggressive way . I phoned him for 2 times but he didn’t answer although he was having a call and I came to him on waiting and until now he didn’t call me. ” During our relationship I didn’t answer the waiting phone calls through our calls”. I don’t know if he loves me or not. I love him so much and I cannot get rid of thinking about him. What should I do? Please help me.
    For knowledge: ( he still student but senior year four after prep ).

    Reply
  27. Rachael - 0

    Rachael

    So my ex boyfriend broke up with me about 2 months ago, we had a loving relationship for 2 years and he got scared of commitment and the idea of us being together forever. He also felt that I didn’t let him hangout with his friends enough and he always had to be with me, which is untrue, but we had communication issues. Unfortunately, we still live together until the end of the month. He will be moving out of my apartment. I’m scared about him leaving because I don’t want him to forget about me. He keeps telling me he is confused and doesn’t know what he wants. I love him and keep rejecting guys who want to hangout with me because I can’t stand to be with anyone else. We don’t really text anymore, but we do talk sometimes when we are both home. I can’t stand the thought of losing him and I know this is easily fixable if he worked with me.

    Reply
    • Rachael - 0

      Rachael

      He also wants to remain friends and I said I couldn’t do that because I still have feelings for him and that’s not fair for me

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Rachael,

      show him you’re not a responsibility by having your own life.. Be the ungettable girl.. The more you dont risk losing somebody, the more you will be clingy

  28. Kay - 0

    Kay

    In the shortest explanation possible, my ex has some issues from childhood that need to be addressed and he hasn’t. Being with me so to speak brought everything to the surface and he up and quit on us. We planned our entire future together.. lived together. The day it happened, I made sure to disappear from his life physically and we haven’t seen each other since. It happened about a month and a half ago. Since the breakup, it has been a roller coaster. I was the more level headed one (had a couple weak moments) but he messaged me almost everyday for a while. It drove him nuts i was “being so cold” and “already sleeping with other people.” After the anger subsided I agreed life is too short and i would rather keep him in my life until one convo turned into a big argument and i was fed up with how exhausting everything was. Keep in mind it was VERY obvious he couldn’t let go. After the argument I decided it was too hurtful to be in limbo so i told him he needed to choose me or let me go. Since then he has admitted to not wanting to or yet accepting not having me in his life as well as pointing out how amazing I was to him and the impact i’ve had on his life and new outlook on things.. Was giving him an all or nothing choice the wrong thing to do? And how to i go from here..? Last exchange involved me opening up a bunch (which i hadn’t been doing) and showing how my emotions want him in my life but my logic says no. He still seems unsure and not willing to let me out of his life but won’t choose me either.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Kay,

      so, is he working on his issues?

    • Kay - 0

      Kay

      honestly.. i have no idea.

      now he’s saying how it’s messing him up how i went from wanting him in my life even if it meant no relationship to he only gets me in his life if we’re together.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      That’s not trying to mess him up.. You’re just laying your standards..and he’s not used to you not chasing

  29. Nardin - 0

    Nardin

    hello.
    so my boyfriend and i dated for 10 months. we spent every night together. there was so much love in the air. i got into the relationship with an open mind. I did not expect it to last forever. but along the line, he started talking about a future with me. he picked out our baby names. it made me feel he was serious. we got closer by the day and everyday he had a new pet name for me. all was going well until he started being distant with me. when i asked what was wrong, he said he had problems and could not handle his problems and a relationship. when i asked what that meant he said we should break up. i did not want to but he insisted on the break up so i accepted… one month after the break up, pays me a visit. while at my place he tries to kiss me. when i asked what he was doing he says he misses me… after that day, he changed toward me. there are times he will behave like we were still in a relationship, and other times he acts like he regrets ever getting into a relationship with me.. i really do not know what he means…and lately he calls me pet names, turns to me when he is in need wants to spend time with me… i don’t know what he means.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Nardin,

      have you tried talking to him and asking him?

  30. Gab - 0

    Gab

    Also, I replied and told him that he made it clear yesterday that he didn’t want anything to do with me he moved on so there for I had no reason to hold on to it and I tossed it in the trash with everything else that belonged or reminded me of him. IM moving on and healing from this, he said ok. I’m glad I found out now than having my hopes up for a whole month, did I do the right thing? I feel like he’s trying to test me or something, your thoughts?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Gab,

      I hate to contradict, but it looks like he just wanted it because it’s his mail.

  31. Gab - 0

    Gab

    Hi Amor,

    I broke NC, I was going on 15 days, I did a short one, I texted him how was he doing, he replied he’s good, I then told him I ran into our videos that made me laugh, he replied he had great times but those times are over, I then asked told him by the way he still had mail coming to the house, (which he never inquired about) he said he doesn’t have the same desire to see me, or want to to leave it on the porch or for me to keep it, I asked if I can see him soon, he asked, for what? I told him I had a bday present I wanted to give him, he said no, that’s not neccesary, to fall back we are done, I asked him if there was someone else, he said it didn’t matter, I just need to move on. So I asked just tell me, he confirmed yes. I didn’t reply after that. 2 days later today he asked if the mail was on the porch?! Why is he texting asking about the mail if he already told me to keep it he doesn’t care or ever asked for it? he told me to let go why is he texting?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Gab,

      I hate to contradict, but it looks like he just wanted it because it’s his mail.

  32. Gab - 0

    Gab

    Hi Amor,

    So I broke the Nc yesterday, I had a weak moment, I was going on 15 days I did the short NC. I asked how he was, He replied and said he was good, I mentioned i came across some old videos that made me laugh from us, and he said those times are done, we don’t need to be friends, we can cordial in public but that’s it. He doesn’t have the “same” desire to see me. I told him he had mail and he said leave it on the porch or to keep it. I still asked if he is willing to see me possibly after thanksgiving, I told him I had gotten him a bday gift I wanted him to have, He said return it but he appreciates my effort, he told me to let go, he confirmed he moved on to someone else. I didn’t reply after that. That really hurt. But 2 days later, today he messages me if the mail is on the porch!! I didn’t reply, but he didn’t care about his mail then why is he asking about it now? answers? thank you

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Gab,

      I hate to contradict, but it looks like he just wanted it because it’s his mail.

  33. Chloe - 0

    Chloe

    Hello!
    Me and my ex were together for 3 years and we had a pretty good relationship and did a lot of unforgettable things together. That being said, he was always a rollercoaster of emotions. One second he’s talking about our future and the next hes talking about how he isn’t happy with himself and how we didn’t meet at the right time and how we need to discover ourselves before we can give our whole selves to another person. He always spoke of getting back together at some point down the road. Our breakup was calm and it didn’t end in a ball of flames and was actually quite sad. There was absolutely no contact for 2 months. I didn’t attempt to talk to him and posted plenty of pictures on social media showing that I was happy and doing just fine. Then one night, I get a phone call from him and I answer. We talk for 5 hours and he tells me how he thinks about me every single day, how it felt like there was a death in his life and his family. I assumed that was the last I’d hear from him and leave it at that. But he texted me first the next day, and the day after that… and after that… he starts getting flirty. He mentions how he will be traveling close to where I live now. (I moved right after our breakup). We meet up, and have the most incredible and happy time. He says that he can’t believe I’m there with him and how he hasn’t been this happy in a long time. After I leave, he tells me that he’s never felt so strongly about someone and how our connection when I visited was undeniable and it makes him question the breakup. He talks to me for a couple weeks more, being super sweet and getting jealous when another guy shows attention. He starts making plans to come visit me and hinting at a reunion and starts talking about our future. Then…. the rollercoaster. One day he says how he doesn’t want to feel obligated to talk all the time if that’s not what he wants, and how he wants to remain close to me during our breakup but doesn’t want to give me mixed signals. After all of the sweet nothings and working hard to get my affection again and he turns around and says these things?!! So….. I got pretty angry and called him out for his not so mixed signals during our time of communication. I told him that he was incredibly emotionally selfish and called him out for saying he cant just have someone when he feels like it and say but nobody else can have it either. And then I told him to never talk to me again…. Im at the point where I don’t know what to think, but I can’t deal with the mixed signals….

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Chloe,

      He’s moved too fast and then realized it.. Well, at least you know you weren’t the one who did it.. let him think about what you said..

    • Chloe - 0

      Chloe

      Thank you Amor! UPDATE: right after our breakup, I removed my ex off of all social media to prevent myself from looking at his things. Well, when we reconnected, we added each other back on snapchat. Fast forward to about a week ago when we were still on speaking terms, I mentioned how going on sushi dates were our thing and how i missed them. We had the argument about him being an emotional rollercoaster last weekend and that’s when I told him to not speak to me again. Well, I just saw his snap story of a random girl sitting across from him eating sushi today! (Monday) he travels for work and doesn’t stay in one place for much longer than a week. So I know this is just a girl he randomly met. Do you think is why he was acting so hot and cold? How could he be that cold?!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it can be but I forgot to ask, are you going to do the no contact rule?

  34. Sarah - 0

    Sarah

    I was in a 5 Year relationship with a guy and we were living together, engaged, & invested. Both of our families were close and everything was great! We were engaged for 7 months. 2 weeks before the wedding after his bachelor party he freaked out and we agreed to cancel the wedding. We were not financially ready. He moved out and said he needed time to figure out who he is. He works with me at my family’s company. I have to see him every day… it is so uncomfortable. A lot of my family works there too so I know he is uncomfortable too! I don’t understand why he won’t leave and find a new job. He tries to talk to me and I mostly ignore him. I have had moments where I get emotional and talk to him. That’s when he gives me the mixed signals. He says he loves me and misses me but he just needs some time. He wants to be 100% sure. I of course think it’s because he wants to see other people but when I ask him he always says no. That’s the last thing on his mind. He says that I’ve known him for 5 years and that he wouldn’t throw away 5 years just for a stupid fling. He says he is so miserable. He wants to hug and kiss me. But his actions are different. He either gives me the cold shoulder or asks me little questions and gives me little smiles.
    We were best friends. I don’t see how he can act as if we weren’t in a relationship for 5 years and like we haven’t seen each other naked! We were really close. We called each other best friends. He already referred to me as his wife… the last conversation I had before the break up was right before his bachelor party. He held me close and covered my face in kisses saying he loves me and for me not to stress about the wedding. That we were going to make it.
    I don’t know what to do…
    I found out that he has been telling A close co-worker that I am so beautiful and he doesn’t know why he is doing this.
    He has said he doesn’t deserve me. I really believe that he thinks that… he feels he can’t give me the life I deserve. I don’t think that is fair to me… I chose him knowing that we’re weren’t going to be super rich…
    I chose love over money…
    my heart is broken and I have told him that if he wants me out of his life he needs to leave work and let me move on. Yet he is still there…
    It’s torture.
    I’m trying to do the no-contact but with us working together and having bills we need to pay it is difficult.
    He has said multiple times that he doesn’t want to be my friend… so why is he acting like a friend?

    What do I do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hi Sarah,

      I know it will be hard but try doing the no contact rule..I’m going to link an article for doing it while working with him..

      make it seem like you’re moving on.. Improve yourself and focus in that.. do new things and make new friends.. I think you need to do at least 30 days..

      EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

  35. Gab - 0

    Gab

    Hi again, I intitated the no contact rule, however his birthday is on Tuesday, Should i continue with NC and not wish him a happy bday? also he has his spare key to my apt. should i also ask for that back and then restart the NC? Please advise me I’m not sure if I should just do the 30days and him thinking he has power because he has my key. Will that cause for NC to not be that effective? Im not concerned for him to break in or invade me at all. He’s not like that at all.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Nope dont greet him and it would be better to get the key after nc instead..

  36. Ashley - 0

    Ashley

    Okay so me and my bf dated for almost 8 months, he allowed me to stay with him every night since we started dating, I was practically living with him,I was his wife without the ring,cooked ,cleaned, ect. He said we argued a lot and we did but it was little stupid stuff that didn’t matter at all. I just nit picked. Well he winded up breaking up with me in the afternoon when I nit picked at something and he said he wasn’t happy we argued all the time, we ended on good terms ,it’s been 3 weeks since we broke up and he still tells people that he loves me just can’t do the arguing . But he only talks to me when I contact him first. We have the same friends and we live 5mons apart in this small town. I’ve tried talking to him but he keeps telling me he needs time he don’t know what he wants he just wants to be by himself right now. Do I have a chance to get him back. He’s 26 I am 21 now. He broke up with me the week of my birthday but we went to a wedding rehearsal together and our friends said that looking from the outside of the relationship to the inside y’all compliment each other very well. Just give him time he will realize and will come back… What do I do I’m going to see him Saturday for a baby reveal and I just want to make him want me back and be stronger than ever. Do I have a chance …? HELP

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hi Ashley,

      Looks like he feels you’re nagging him..after the baby reveal, do you want to try doing the no contact rule?

  37. Gab - 0

    Gab

    Hello,

    I recently went through a break up with someone that I would have 4 years with in December. problems began when I was unemployed more 4 months, finances began to be a litlle tight, I start being more aggressive in my job search. I finally landed a great job but since I took the job, I had to cancel our vacation that he already paid for, as a birthday gift. we got into an argument because of it. At that point I didn’t feel that much support from him and he ended going by himself with his family. While he was away i had a new sense of independence and focusing on my new career, hitting the gym (part of our lifestyle) and spending me time. I hardly contacted him, he noticed the distance and was questioning why I wasn’t messaging him, he also admitted to me he wish I was there. He came back in 2 weeks and completely turned into a different person and treated me like a queen. however I was still hesitant. I told him we needed a break. He was devastated. He left moved in with his brother. we still saw each other, but he was hurt we weren’t “together” he began feeling that we should just end it. he didn’t want to casually date me. I told him I needed time to figure it out. the following week he talks about a ring and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Then when I finally begin to make up my mind I really do want to be with him, he backs away and says I think we should just take that break. You should focus on you and I will do me. He tells me he’s talking to other people and just wants to do his own thing. I was shocked. I immediately feel hurt and I try to give him space, after a few days of not hearing from him, I message him and his texts are all cold and short. Then I try reaching out ask him to see me, he agrees and ask him exactly are we on a break or are we done. He tells me I should move on, but we held a good conversation prior to this, laughing a bit and then he tells me this. I tell him I won’t give up and he just stays quiet. After that he doesn’t really reply to my texts. a week goes by and I ask to see him I had his mail still coming to my house so I went to give it to him. I also ask if we can talk before I get there. He agrees, so every time I ask to see him he agrees to see me and talk but he hardly reply to texts. So I tell him I will let him go just needed closure and maybe we can be friends in the future, that was last week. Then this past weekend I was out with friends, and all I can do is think about the realtionship and believe we can make it work because I still believe he loves me. so i message him, he tells me he will always find me attractive, and will sleep with me but other than that there is nothing there. That hurt a lot but I still ask to see him, he agrees it was late so we just slept but he allowed me to cuddle and kiss him. he wakes and thanks me for allowing him to sleep. The next day he comes over again. I had to get up in the am for work so he stayed asleep. I get home and see he made my bed and took his old spare key to lock my apt. I thanked him for closing up and making the bed. he just messaged me with “YW”=your welcome. I haven’t heard from him since. I obviously didn’t do the no contact rule. How should I proceed moving forward? I still love him and want to be with him, but he’s so all over the place I don’t know what to do

    Reply
    • Gab - 0

      Gab

      and also October 25, is his birthday, should I send him a gift? I blocked him on FB when he broke up with me, because it was hard to see his posts and what not. I then later read on this site not to do that. Should I start the NC rule to see if he reaches out to me, the longest I lasted was 1 week without contact but had to break it because I had to let him know I had his mail.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Gab,

      The no contact is to help increase your chances but more so, it’s for you to heal and improve and to help you and him have a restart.. So, it’s not really for him to reach out to you.. He will probably miss you but the most important thing is that you improve yourself.. If you’re going to do it..I think you should do 30 days…

  38. HM - 0

    HM

    Hello,
    I came across your website and its really helpful. I have a situation and need advice.
    My boyfriend and i broke up 3 days ago (wednesday). he ended it. Naturally, I was/am completely devastated. However, I already knew about No Contact and implemented it immediately. About 10 hours later, he posted some stupid youtube video on my FB wall, which I thought was a very strange thing to do the same day he ended our relationship. Annoyed, and not wanting him post anything else, I deactivated me account. Friday (yesterday) was his birthday and I did not contact him in any way. Then, this morning while I was at work, I received a text from him saying, and I quote: “Hola Preciosa, I see you disconnected from me on facebook. I sent you an email, please read it. I care for you”. And at the end of the message, he included a kissy-face emoticon. I am very confused because he is speaking to me as if I am still his girlfriend. “Preciosa” was one of his pet names for me (it’s similar to ‘beautiful/gorgeous’). And why the emoticon kiss? that’s how we used to end our texts as a couple. As for the email, I cant bring myself to read it. I’m not ready. But I did notice that he sent it at 3:06am this morning. I’m juts so confused by his behavior. Also, should I read the email? I’m having an anxiety attack just thinking about it. Of course, I did not respond to his text.
    Thank you in advance
    Btw, the video he posted was a cat video, which he often posts on my wall because I love cats….don’t know that means anything….

    Also, the reason he ended things was because he believed I was not happy in the relationship (there were some complicated issues). We had been arguing a lot the past two weeks. On Wednesday, he started texting me like normal but then we had another argument via phone call and that’s when it happened. I don’t think he was necessarily planning on breaking up with me.
    Sorry for being long-winded but I wanted to give you as much information as possible

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi HM,

      how long were you together and how old are you both? It’s good that you didn’t respond to those messages and email.. let him be for now..Well, unless he says he really wants to get back with you

    • HM - 0

      HM

      Hi Amor,
      We were together for 19 months. I am 34 and he just turned 57

    • HM - 0

      HM

      I ended up reading the email he sent. He insisted that he loves and cares for me. I am a professional dancer, and he was also my mentor. He insisted in his correspondence that he wanted to continue the mentor/protegee relationship and also be friends. That’s not going to work for me. I didn’t respond.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      That’s right. Don’t agree.. We both know that’s just his way to keep you at arm’s length..Stay strong in no contact.. Actually I think you can do it, you don’t sound like you can be easily influenced or fooled with words..

    • HM - 0

      HM

      Hi Amor,
      Thank you for your response. This will be my last comment, I just need to vent for a minute:
      He emailed me again very early this morning talking about how even though we’re no longer together he still loves me, will always love me, is still my friend, will always be there for me and how I shouldn’t alienate myself from true love, blah blah blah. So if he loves me so much, why did he end our relationship?! This is insanity….what is he hoping to accomplish here? He is making this worse for me, if that’s possible. What really hurts is that I think it’s lies – he doesn’t truly love me, rather it’s his ridiculous ego that can’t handle that I cut him off….so selfish…

    • HM - 0

      HM

      Oh, and he’s still calling me ‘Preciosa’……

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it’s ok hm.. you can comment as many as you like.. just let him be.. I think he’s slowly realizing that you’re really serious on ignoring him

  39. Lane - 0

    Lane

    I was hoping someone could give me some advice. My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me completely out of the blue. While he was breaking up with me he was crying a lot and kept contradicting himself. Saying things like, “it’s not that I 100% don’t want to be with you I just want to do my own thing” or “I never thought this would happen to us”, and “I’m probably going to regret this”. It was very confusing for me because it was like he was genuinely confused as to if he wanted to do it or not. But he ended up doing it. He’s graduating college this year and he has a lot of decisions for himself that he has to make. I did ask him if there was someone else in the picture and he said “absolutely not, I just want to be alone. I don’t want to focus on a relationship or anyone right now.” Being in his life for two years I did grow very close with his family they called me after very upset because they were worried about him because he said he doesn’t know who he is or what he wants for himself. & told them he didn’t want to talk because he was so upset and that he just needs time to focus on him. I did reach out to him on three occasions. The first occasion I said good luck this weekend I hope it goes well. He plays soccer for his university and I just wanted to be nice. One of my friends texted him and asked for a recipe he used to make for our parties and she said I’m sad it didn’t work out with you two and he said, “we will see what happens”. To me that was like a mini slap in the face. To me it meant that he was keeping me on the back burner if doing his own thing doesn’t lead to anything better. I reached out to him the next week and sent him a very nice text, saying that I don’t understand why this is happening but that I have to understand that this is what he wants and needs. And that if he needed anything I’m here for him and for him to not be a stranger. I tried to clarify that the reason he ended this was because he didn’t want to be with me and I asked if there was no chance for us? He replied and said “I wouldn’t say there is no chance! I just want to do my own thing.” I left it at that because what else is there to say. He went in for a very serious doctors appt and I did reach out and say i hope it goes well. He responded within 5 mins and said “Thank you! I am sure everything will be fine.”
    I’ve decided to move forward for myself and for my own sanity. I’ve decided to also not ever contact him first again. I’ve put myself out there only to be left still confused and heartbroken by his actions.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lane,

      so, you mean you’re moving on right?

    • Mary - 0

      Mary

      Hey Lane, I literally went through the same exact breakup situation almost 3 months ago. It’s scarily similar my ex even said the exact same things your ex said! We were together for almost 3 years and lived together for the last 2 years. We always had a great relationship and we never fought at all and we got along so well and were inseparable since the day we met! In August We decided to each move home for a while because money was tight, but we never were going to break up. If anything we both said living apart would be good for our relationship because we would have less stress with bills and we could save up to buy a house together eventually. A week after moving out he broke up with me out of the blue with no warning signs! The day after the breakup he asked me to get a drink with him and I assumed he wanted to talk further about the breakup because I was clearly devestated. He did not talk at all about the breakup which was odd but asked to see me again the next day. I was of course confused but happy that he wanted to see me! I thought maybe he was having second thoughts about impulsivly breaking up with me. We made plans to hang out the next day but when the day came he said he was “sorry but he didnt feel well” and asked to reschedule. I was of course bummed and felt like he was just blowing me off but I agreed. Problem was after that day he didn’t try to reschedule at all which left me more confused 🙁 After that he started acting more distant and didn’t initiate much contact. For about a month I would send him a text maybe once or twice a week because it’s been really hard for me to not talk to him at all because I still love him and he was my best friend 🙁 I would say about 99% of the time he responds and he is very nice and pleasant but he still doesn’t usually initiate talking first which is very frustrating 🙁 when we broke up he said “he still loved me and that he’s just not happy with where he is in his life right now and he has never been able to work on himself while he’s in a relationship” he also said “he doesn’t love himself ” I told him I of course love him the way he is but I am all for working on yourself. I asked if there’s a chance of us getting back together and he said he “doesn’t know what the future holds or when he’ll be mentally ready but he’s not saying no” So of course I feel like that gives me some hope but I also dont want false hope! I know I probably shouldnt have asked but i asked but after about a month I asked him to hang out and just get a drink and enjoy each others company and he agreed to hang out! So last week we met up and hung out for about 5 hours and we literally had a blast together and it was like old times! He even asked to see me the following week and he said he had so much fun hanging out which made me feel good! The following week which was just this past week we ended up not being able to hang out like we planned because it was the week of thanksgiving and we were both very busy. He says we can definitely hang out again but he doesnt really give me a set day or initiate the plans at all which makes me think he might just be hanging out to not hurt my feelings? I have no idea! I would hope if he didnt want to see me he would just say so! We didnt talk about our relationship when we hung out but i did ask if he missed me and he said “of course he misses me” Iam trying my best not to be pushy but I really just want to see him because when i do i am truly happy and it feels right! I feel like he definitley still loves me by the way he acted when we hung out. But afterwards he got distant again! I am still completely confused and hurt and I love him so much I just want to be given a chance to make it work! Sorry for the long story but I hope someone can give me some insight/advice? Thanks!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Mary,
      looks like you’re friendzoned..do you want to try the no contact rule?

  40. Sarie - 0

    Sarie

    Hi There,

    I have been dating my bf for 2 years. For 9 months he cheated on me with a girl from his work. The other woman claimed that my bf is the one that was chasing her. However, during this 9 months, my bf keeps on telling that he still loves me. I’ve decided to end our relationship last August. Then, after a week, he brought his new gf to his friends house and introduced her. They did not like her as per his friends. I still love my BF and I just broke it off cause the pain was too much. I talked to him and he said that he still loves me and he will win me back. BUT after two days, he went out to see the other girl again. I talked to him again and he did not choose between me and the other girl. He cut his phone and deactivated his FB. Now, he hasn’t contacted any of us. He said he needs time. All of his friends are telling me to hold on because they know that he loves me. I just don’t know what to do anymore.

    Reply
  41. Confused - 0

    Confused

    I really could use some advice. My ex and I were together for a little over two years. We are both in our mid forties and neither of us had been a relationship for a long time before we met. We fell deeply in in love, and we were really committed to each other. We live in a really small town, he moved here from out of state about a year before we started dating. Anyway. His parents, whom he is exceptionally close to, announced they were coming at the end of summer, and I got cold feet. I broke it off, and really hurt him. He fought really hard for me for about a month, and then I started NC. Four days of NC, hours after he sent me a text, that I ignored, pleading to reunite, I saw him with another woman! I was crushed, but resolved to maintain NC and not go crazy. I’ve been doing tons of self improvement on the outside and in, and I understand why I did what I did. I feel so bad for hurting him, he is a great guy. Anyway, NC for almost a month, and we ran into each other. He asked me to refriend him on Facebook, and we started texting. Then we met, at his suggestion. He was sweet, and I got drunk. Big mistake. Anyway, we saw each other again the next day and we ended up kissing and professing our love and how much we missed each other. Then I heard nothing. I ran into him last Friday, and he was with this rebound woman. We all said hello and I proceeded to chat with my girlfriend and have fun, all while looking better than I have in a while! Anyway, I was so shaken, but I pulled it off. I woke up Saturday and still in UG mode, I took a roadtrip by myself and had a good day. Although I kept flashing on them together, but it’s okay, I’m not really threatened by her. So I get home from my roadtrip and there is a text from him saying he can’t stop thinking about, loving, and missing me. He wants to meet again, and I don’t know what to do. He is still with her. Get this: She facebook friended his dad when he was here, and she only has about 50 friends and hasn’t posted, at least that I can see, for about a year. Anyway, she posted a pic and tagged his father,calling him ‘dad’. They were going out for two weeks when she met his parents!! Isn’t that weird? Do his parents see this? The funny part is, he was texting me while she was posting this, maybe she knows he is using her? She is about a 7/7, and I was feeling/faking 9/9 level Friday. I know I’ve been a 10/10 in his eyes, like no other. what do I do? When we met alone the two times, I really held back, and just tried to enjoy him, but I later texted him an apology and told him I still want him. So when we see each other should I just go for it? Tell him how I feel, that we belong together? I’m prepared to go back to NC, or really limited, since its just unavoidable in our little town. Two months later and I can talk to him without getting too emotional, but will I just seem pitiful? Should I wait for this rebound to end? What if it doesn’t? I was the one who caused it, shouldn’t I try to offer him a new start and see what happens? He told me He wanted to be with somebody who wanted to really be with him, and I do. now. I’m so confused! Playing it cool seems like too big a risk, and maybe I need to tell him for my own closure if we part, even if it’s just for a while. Help?

    Reply
    • Confused - 0

      Confused

      So, I did it! I maintained my cool and told him I was ready to take it to the next level. We are back on!! There is no way I could have done it without maintaining NC and getting myself to better place. If you are out there reading this, hang in there. It can and does happen! This site got me through some tough moments, and if you follow the advice here you will either get him back or at least become a little bit better person. Thanks Chris! I really like this site but I hope I never have to go through this again.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      That’s good to know.. congratulations!

  42. Tasha - 0

    Tasha

    Hi Amor, my ex broke up with me saying he had lost feelings (I used to quarrel a lot). He said he wanted to stay friends, but I started NC. In between, he was transferred out of town. He didn’t contact me, so I texted him post NC. Initially, he seemed thrilled to hear from me. But I cut things short. Eventually, he clammed up. He never initiates and only replies to whatever I ask. Hence I’m unable to build a proper conversation as he disappears mid conversation. What do I do. Is he not interested?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Tasha,

      more likely, yes, he’s not interested either because the topics are not that interesting for him or he thinks you are trying to get him back

    • Tasha - 0

      Tasha

      Update: I sent him a meme today, to which he hasn’t responded. What do you suggest- should I give up or keep trying ?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      if it has been more than 3 attempts, yes, you should move on..

    • Tasha - 0

      Tasha

      Ok. I have contacted him 6 times and got a response each time. He didn’t respond to the 7th contact (meme). Problem is that the conversations are very short and only I initiate. How do I address this

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      It’s ok that you’re the one initiating as long as you’re the one ending it in high note, but work on how you text. Let’s say you sent first text, and then he responded positively, what kind of second text do you send? Is it conversational? Was the first topic you sent conversational or is it something he just has to agree positively on? Like the 7th text, was the meme only a funny meme? nothing that you can talk about it?

    • Tasha - 0

      Tasha

      That’s great advice! My texts were random: memes, birthday reminders, festival greetings, DP compliment, old memories, info about a common friend- in that order. I ended the first 2 conversations only. The 7th contact was a funny meme of his interest. He usually doesn’t respond to memes and forwards. I’ll keep your tips in mind and get more organised. Thanks so much Amor 🙂

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      You’re welcome and thank you too!

  43. Danyel - 0

    Danyel

    Me and my ex boyfriend were together for almost 2 years. We were friends with benefits before for 3 years on and off. We mived in together a few months after starting our relationship. There has been issues of trust (i have the issues but he never gave me a reason to think that way) and issues financially (he has been having issues with money due to child support). I have tried to be a support system and take up the slack. I thoight everything was ok but then we got into an arguement about him wanting to take a break to get his finances in order. We talked and he changed his mind. Then we got into an arguement months later regarding his childs mother(which i admit was very petty and unesscesary). The following day he broke up with me. We been broken up for about a month now but we still stay together. He wants to move out because he wants to get himself together financially. Our lease is up in December but he wants us to get back together on the day we move out to restart our relationship. I asked did he want to do this for more freedom to be with other people he said no if he wanted to be done with me he would have dissappeared. He says he needs us to stay seperately for one year so he can get his finances in order but still wants to get back in the relationship. For the time being we been “dating each other” and he acts as if we never broke up….i dont know what to do. Should i get the through the year living seperately from him but being in a relationship or give up? He says he has been feeling like less of a man and has been down on himself and wants this time to get it together so we can come back stronger.

    Reply
    • Danyel - 0

      Danyel

      Also he is 29 and im 30

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Danyel,

      so all he wants is just for the two of you to have separate spaces right? But you want to live together?

    • Danyel - 0

      Danyel

      Yes all he wants us seperate places for a year then get a house together…but i want i us to continue to stay together in the same apartment.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Honestly, I think you can work this out.. you just have to talk. If he’s telling the truth, that he wanted separate places for financial reasons, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. He has a child, and maybe his decision will let him be a better father. But if you keep pushing for what you want, then that might hurt the relationship. Be independent from him. If he really loves you, he will work with you for the relationship

    • Confused - 0

      Confused

      Give him what he wants. He has laid it out. Be your best you and support him without placing too many demands on him. In the long run, he will come back the way you want him, feeling safer because you trusted he was telling you the truth and you respected it.

  44. Blessy - 0

    Blessy

    Hi

    I hope you can help me.

    A few days the man I loved broke up with me. Unfortounatly he didn’t give me a reason.. He said that I hurted him and that I tortured him him..Then after a couples of days I asked my friend to tell him that I would like to meet with him in the place where we first date. I text him to know if he will come also called him … So later he called me and he acted like he doesn’t know me.. He said: ” Hello! Who’s with me ? Imagine! I love him and I want him back please help me. Does he loves me?!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Blessy,

      how long were you together? When did you break up and how old are you both?

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