Scenario: You have been following the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Program. You and your ex boyfriend have moved from the texting phase, to phone calls, to casual meet-ups. You’re developing rapport and you feel a strong connection being re-established between the two of you. Then out of nowhere…

What’s that?

Silence.

You hear nothing from him. He had been initiating a bit up till now, you thought things were going well. So why did he all of the sudden drop off the face of the earth?

Well, first, I have a couple of questions.

Things to Consider

  1. Is he responding when you text him? i.e., has he only stopped initiating? If you text him, what are his responses like?
  2. What were your last interactions like before this change in the pattern? Did anything happen that could have caused him to pull away?
  3. What is going on in his life currently? Is there family stuff going on, or a new job that needs his attention?

The Ex-Boyfriend Recovery process can be very anxiety producing – I see it every day in our Facebook group. We tend to try and pick apart interactions and text to decipher what is really going on in that head of his.

The thing is…

You can never really know for sure.

Because sometimes, it has nothing to do with us, or anything we did.

Honest.

So, it’s important to try to look at the situation objectively. Please don’t automatically jump to assuming the worst, which is what comes automatically to most people. If nothing crazy happened when you last talked/hung out, or he’s responding when you initiate, it could very well just be that he’s busy.

That’s why it’s important to think about what may be going on in his life.

I mean, you have an entire life outside of your guy, at least you should if you’re an Ungettable Girl.

Why should it be a surprise that he does, too?

Okay, now that the logical part it is out of the way, we will discuss some of the possible reasons he is pulling away that may, in fact, have to do with you. The good news, though, is that the way to respond to this distance he is creating is pretty much the same across the board.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Reasons He’s Pulling Away That Do Relate to You

So maybe nothing is going on in his life. Maybe his family is healthy, his job is steady, and his health is in check. Maybe something did happen when you last spoke that caused him to freak out a bit. And maybe he’s not responding to your texts.

If this is the case….maybe something is going on. To my mind, there are a few different possibilities: He met someone else, you did something to push him away, or he’s confused and needs some space to work out his feelings.

So let’s start with the most intimidating one…

Maybe He Met Someone

This is the one you’re least likely to want to hear, so I will get it out of the way first.

Yes. Okay.

Maybe he met someone. It’s a pretty simple explanation for why he would cease speaking to his ex girlfriend. If you were seeing someone new and were into them, you probably wouldn’t want to be talking to your ex either.

Guys get lonely. Emotionally and physically. It’s not uncommon for guys to seek comfort and intimacy with other women when they are sad and lonely. It seems counter-intuitive to us, and not all that emotionally healthy, but it’s what they do.

You see, men are taught by society that they need to be strong and not emotional. Most men feel more comfortable showing their softer side to women. When your ex lost you, he lost the main person he was “allowed” to be vulnerable with.

You get to go to your girlfriend’s house, drink wine, eat pizza and cookie dough, watch bad tv and pass out cuddling with each other in the same bed. But a guy doesn’t get to have that. You were that, for your guy. This is why I suspect so many men jump into rebounds so quickly. They need that intimacy. They crave it. They need that emotional bond, the person they can be vulnerable with.

The good news is, you can use this to your advantage before another woman sweeps in and inserts herself into the situation. I think this is one of the reasons my ex and I are in such a good place. We’re not together, but I suspect he still considers me his best friend. He still wants to share everything with me, and I’m still the person in the world that he feels the most comfortable being vulnerable with. If you can keep that position in his life, you’re already on the right track.

Now, what do you do, though, if another woman has entered the picture?

I’d say if the two of you were a ways along into the process, do a bit of No Contact (mostly to center yourself and acclimate to this new challenge), and then attempt the “Being There” method. Try to stay a part of your ex’s life while he’s with this other person. Try to get a hold of that emotionally vulnerable part of him that you once had access to – but don’t force it. That will just scare him off.

Maybe Something Happened

Remember my second question? If the answer to it is yes, the reason why your ex stopped talking to you all of the sudden should be rather obvious.

Maybe things got a little out of control and you got emotional, scaring him off. This is what guys tend to call “crazy behavior.”

You have to put yourself in his shoes. To him, the two of you are not a couple. So why the hell should he have to put up with your crazy behaviors?

I cannot stress enough how important it is to keep your emotional cool when dealing with your ex. If you don’t feel centered, walk away. Do not send that text. Put the phone down. I promise, it will not be worth it in the long run.

A common reason girls lose their cool is that they suspect that their ex is dating/sleeping with someone else.

Ladies.

You are not his girlfriend.

YOU ARE NOT HIS GIRLFRIEND.

YOU. ARE. NOT. HIS. GIRLFRIEND.

YOU.

ARE.

NOT.

HIS.

GIRLFRIEND.

…Yet.

It doesn’t matter if he’s dating or sleeping with other women because you are not together. Just because you’ve been talking, or hanging out, or casually dating does not mean you’re together. If you start acting like you’re together before you are (i.e. bringing up fights or arguing over things that are pointless or unproven), you are not keeping your eye on the big picture and you won’t end up back together.

Or, here’s another possible scenario:

Maybe things were going really well, and then one night, you broke the rules and slept with him. Then he stops initiating, stops texting and calling. He starts ghosting. It’s okay, it happens sometimes and it’s not the end of the world.

In both of these instances, my answer is the same.

NO CONTACT.

You need an immediate reset. You need to get your bearings, and your ex needs to remember how empty his life was without you, and possibly forget all of the unkind things you said to him in your emotional rage.

No Contact to reset the stage. Then, try to begin the process again – initiate little by little and see how it goes. I always think it’s funny – so much of the time when men ghost, they come back to apologize. Just a pattern I’ve noticed recently.

Just remember, there is only so many times you can do this before he is going to either tire of the routine or sense a pattern. So I reiterate that keeping your emotions in check is absolutely paramount.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Maybe He’s Confused and Needs Space

How’s this one? Maybe all of this time that the two of you are spending together is putting his head in a spin. Maybe he’s starting to try and remember why the two of you broke up in the first place and needs some time away from you to get his head on straight. That’s okay. That’s a good thing. It means that what you’ve been doing has been working.

Getting an ex to agree to giving your relationship a second try is no easy task, but if you’ve played your cards right, this time of him pulling away will make him seriously start to think about what a sacrifice it would be to not have you in his life. That’s your goal – you need to make it so that him giving you up has to be an almost impossible decision.

If he’s confused and needs space, give it to him. Act as if you’re going back into No Contact again – up your social media game and push ahead as though you aren’t even bothered that he isn’t talking to you.

This is the make or break point. You can’t ruin it now.

An observation that I have made through the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery process is that when men pull away, it is women’s impulse to chase. This has the tendency to push the men away further. Sometimes men need time to process to themselves. As I mentioned before, they don’t have many people in their lives that they can be vulnerable with. This causes them to frequently retreat inward. So sometimes, you’ve just got to give them that time to work through things solo. Engage in a little bit of push/pull theory and read up on rubber-banding. They will help you understand this male tendency to pull away a lot more.

It’s possible that after your ex has worked through whatever he was trying to work through, he looks up and realizes that he misses you. The biggest thing to keep in mind if you are feeling ignored is to not assume or jump to conclusions. Just because they’ve pulled away, that doesn’t mean they aren’t thinking or feeling.

“Be Kind, for Everyone You Meet is Fighting a Hard Battle”

I was unsure what Buffy reference I was going to add to this article, but then when writing about men and vulnerability, I was reminded of an episode near the end of season 3 – “Earshot”.

In it, the Scooby Gang suspects that a fellow student at Sunnydale High is going to kill their classmates. Buffy runs up to the tower on campus, and finds Jonathan (a nerd-type who gets bullied a lot) with a gun. He accuses her of not understanding his pain. She says to him:

“You know what? I was wrong. You are an idiot. My life happens to, on occasion, suck beyond the telling of it. Sometimes more than I can handle. And it’s not just mine. Every single person down there is ignoring your pain because they’re too busy with their own. The beautiful ones. The popular ones. The guys that pick on you. Everyone. If you could hear what they were feeling. The loneliness. The confusion. It looks quiet down there. It’s not. It’s deafening…”

As I mentioned before, it’s very possible that your ex’s silence has nothing to do with you. But maybe it does. Either way, his silence is an indicator that something is happening inside of them that they need time on their own to process. And the correct response to silence is not to nag, or push, but to pull back and give your guy the space that he needs. Guys aren’t always the best at communicating their emotional needs, so consider his silence his way of asking. We all need downtime and periods of time to process how we feel. We all deal with things differently, and absolutely EVERYONE is dealing with something.

This is a general thing to keep in mind for life, not just when dealing with your ex-boyfriend. Basically: Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.

(Written by Rachel)

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160 thoughts on “My Ex Stopped Talking To Me All Of A Sudden”

  1. Avatar

    Cathlin

    April 7, 2021 at 9:37 pm

    So this is my second break up. We broke up last year April. We were experiencing some stress in our relationship. I had immigrated to his country and was stressing in my job and I think I took some of it out on him. We also didn’t communicate very well, our first languages are different. Then due to covid I got trapped in another country and he broke up with me. I never did no contact here but have him a lot of space, but he started teaching out to me a few days later and would drop me messages every now and then. Four months later I’m back in the country with him and he tells me he has decided to move to another country so we can’t be together. Nontheless, there are still messages and we are hanging out. So we got back together but I always felt he was distant with me. He hated it when I brought up him moving and he had a break down when I asked and told me it wasn’t happening now due to covid. He broke up with me again two months ago. He told me he loves me but isn’t in love with me. He says we might be able to try in the future but I should hang on, he told me he was lost and that he didn’t see a future with me. It was his birthday that week so I wished him and we exchanged a few texts. Then I stopped, the next two weeks he sent me messages saying he hopes Im okay. Then after that I messaged him asking him about how he is. So we haven’t interacted every week since the break up but I have decided to stop now. He has left things at my house, I have asked him three Times when he will come to collect and he says he isn’t in a rush. I told him I have some important things of his like his house keys and he says he prefers I keep them just in case.
    I dont want to be his keeper and I would prefer if he collected all his things if he is over me. I’m nervous that he has just completely lost all feeling for me that he doesn’t care anymore.

  2. Avatar

    Verónica

    February 24, 2021 at 9:59 am

    My ex and I broke up on August, I don’t blame him or me it was a hard situation going on and I just stop contact because we needed a time to cool off. We didn’t talk for 3 months and I send him a text back in Nov apologizing for what happens he said he was sorry too. We been texting each other once in a while to see how we are doing but 2 weeks ago he started texting me everyday saying that he missed me that he wants to see me. We talked on the phone (after almost 6 months) and we talked (briefly, just to said Hi) so finally we meet 2 days ago ( for for 10 min because he was working and I stopped really quick at his work) and I was so happy to see him again we hugged each other he told me he missed me a lot gave me like a 100 kisses in my neck, I text him that night and I told him that I was happy to see him again and he never replied to my text. This is so confusing, I want to talk to him and ask him what happend but I don’t know if I should wait to see if he text me or what?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 24, 2021 at 7:24 pm

      Hi Veronica, so it’s sounding as if you may have met up too soon in the value chain. I would pull back a little and reach out again in a few days with a text.

  3. Avatar

    John

    January 25, 2021 at 7:54 pm

    My ex and I broke up 4 months ago (in september 2020). I reached out to her 10 days ago and she told me she was confused and thought about me more than she’d like to admit.
    We talked on th ephone sometimes and then suddenly she asked me to stop talking to her. What should I do? (she’s kinda dating another guy but I can see that she still cares and she knows that we would be good together now). She even told me that maybe we’re going to regret the decision of not going back together… LDR

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 5, 2021 at 12:36 pm

      Hi John, as you have completed the NC and had time apart I would suggest that you look up the being there method. Ideally you should not have emotional conversations about getting back together or about thinking about each other. You need to show her that you are the “better” option

  4. Avatar

    Melanie

    January 11, 2021 at 6:16 pm

    So ignoring him back is the wrong thing to do? He ignores me in public after we talked/hung out so I just do the same. It feels childish but he clearly doesn’t want to talk to me and I get the feeling it makes him uncomfortable so I just don’t engage. We have mutual friends that we get together with several times a week so you can imagine the awkwardness.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 11, 2021 at 6:43 pm

      Hi Melanie, you can be civil and speak when he speak to you, say hello politely and just carry on with your mutual friends.

  5. Avatar

    Yourgirl

    December 20, 2020 at 6:03 am

    My ex nd me is broken up for 7 months now.. after breakup he was reaching out to me after every 21 to 30 days.i always completed my no contact nd never text him by myself.after completion if no contact I would reply him but he would talk me nicely for a day but after that again he used to start blame game.months passed by with the same routine from august upto 6 November.when he last time contacted me.i asked him to stop blame game as he was making me depressed.i always completed no contact but he would reach out just to blame me.he even tried to make me jealous after breakup.after our last interaction he stopped reaching out to me.i went again into no contact.bd its 45 days today he didnt reach out to me.has he gone?would he come bavk?what should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 20, 2020 at 6:57 pm

      Hey there, so you say you completed no contact but you would reply to him if he got in touch with you? This is not how NC works you need to not reply to him for a solid amount of time. If you have spent this time working on yourself and following the rules of no contact then you can start reaching out to him with the information that Chris has given in his articles.

  6. Avatar

    Tatiana

    November 11, 2020 at 7:25 am

    I dated a guy for almost 2 months. We decided to became official then one day I went to his house, he said he can’t be in any relationship. I was hurt and cried for 3 days. After a couple of days he started texting me again. I was a bit cold when I responded thru his text messages. After a week that he broken up with me, he ask me to have dinner with him and we did. After that night he become cold again. It’s like hot and cold and I don’t know what do with him. I miss him and I know we can’t be in any type of relationship because as he said, he wasn’t ready. What should I do?!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 14, 2020 at 10:58 am

      Hi Tatiana, so if he does not want a relationship then you need to distance yourself, for your own feelings. You need to follow the rules of no contact (properly) and work on yourself in that time, if he is not willing to be in a relationship then he does not get to have you spend time with him when he feels like it. Read some more articles about how this program and works and apply the information where it suits your situation.

  7. Avatar

    Lizzie

    October 27, 2020 at 1:04 pm

    My ex Broke up with me 9 monthes ago. We were long distance and it was putting a strain on us but I had made plans to move in with some of my friends in the same state as him so when he broke up with me I had already signed a lease for the summer. We talked a lot after the breakup for about 4 monthes and then he started being very distant because I was emotional with him. Now that I live in the same state it’s so hard because we have the same friends, I even live with his roomates fiancé, so we know about eachother yet we haven’t seen eachother yet. We started talking again in august because I told him we should be friends and not awkward because we have the same group of friends and he agreed and we talked a lot for a few weeks but every time we would get normal and he would get A little flirty or nostalgic he would leave me on read and I would have to initiate conversations. The only time he initiated is when I went on a date and he texted me asking random questions about my roomates but i know He heard about the date from his roommate….

    I sent him a letter of encouragement because he’s really discouraged about his career and he has been distant ever since. We even ran into eachother on some hiking trails when he was with his friends and I was walking my dog and he pretended he didn’t see me even though my dog ran up to him. We haven’t talked at all since that two weeks ago. I love him so much and I want him back. I was his first girlfriend he’s had and he’s 23. We were best friends for three years before we even dated. I don’t know what to do.

  8. Avatar

    Val

    September 23, 2020 at 3:48 pm

    Hey there.

    My LDR ex broke up with me about 2 months ago. He was very confused about what he wanted and not sure about breaking up but thought that things would probably not work out in the future and was very aware of our more difficult situation since it was LDR. I did one month of NC to heal. When I started to reach out again he was extremely chatty and very happy to hear from me. Soon we started flirting via text and over the phone but both never mentioned the breakup. Two weeks ago we met up because we both really wanted to see each other and it was like we never broke up, he was extremely caring and sweet and we spent three wonderful days together. He even put up a framed picture of us. Before leaving again I made it clear to him that I would still give our relationship a chance in the future and would still consider moving to his country. I also told him that we can take things slow and slowly try to figure this all out. He just nodded and went very silent but kissed me. Two weeks later he still didn’t give me a clear answer but I’m not pushing. His texts seem more distant now and less flirty. I decided to do another short NC (about two weeks) to give him some space and time to think.

    Does this sound like a positive pull back and is going into a short NC the right way?

    All the best,
    Val

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 7, 2020 at 2:55 pm

      Hi Val yes a short NC while he decides is best, make sure that you use social media to show you are living life and not sat around waiting to hear from him too!

  9. Avatar

    Lucy

    September 19, 2020 at 2:40 pm

    Hi. Me and my ex have been through a lot. We never officially broke up, but it felt like things were over in June due to a variety of reasons (mostly his behaviour got secretive and cold).

    Successfully completed NC in July. Worked on holy trinity. Have been in texting phase ever since.

    He always replies and gives positive responses. He was initiating majority of the time. It’s been almost 4 months since we saw each other and we still haven’t spoken on the phone or met up but text 3/4 days each week. Trying to work up the courage to meet up. But afraid there’s someone else, and that there maybe was someone else for a while. Recently, he went quiet. He hasn’t initiated a text this week. And only texted once this week in reply to me. After that one text I gave him some more space (4days).
    How can I get back to high tide?
    Should I give more or less space?
    I’d really like to have a brief meet up and remind him of how great we are together. Worried I’ve missed my chance.
    Thank you so much.

  10. Avatar

    Isette

    September 15, 2020 at 11:41 pm

    Soo….after 3yrs i reached out to my ex and he actually responded. Normally i initiated contact but a few weeks later we began messaging daily and i was even getting a good morning/good night text again from him and he was even bringing up old memories of us. Everything was going great…..then suddenly….he started pulling away and stopped. Before that happened he was being flirty and even letting me know what his work hours were in case i wanted to hang out…..then suddenly he starts pulling away. I even asked if he wanted to hang out and he said yes but he wasnt reaching out so i decided that if he didnt bring up about our plans to hang out then i wouldnt either. I know he has female friends he hangs out with and im not naive to think he hasnt/isnt friends with benefits with any of them but i knew that this would be something i would have to be strong and deal with to get closer to him and technically speaking i dont have a right to say anything to him about it since we are barely reconnecting. Now he is online but never reaches out 1st…i do. My friend saw him having brunch with a female friend so im heartbroken that he was out with her yet didnt bring up our plans to hang out. he does respond back when i contact first but i just wonder if maybe im just wasting my time. What should i do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 4, 2020 at 5:54 pm

      Hey Isette, I know it is hard to know he is out with someone else, but remember at the moment he is single and he does have female friends. So I would say that you need to take this sighting on the chin and understand that it is going to happen and keep going. I would say that you need to get him investing more into texting and phone calls before suggesting another meet up. I know it hard to be patient but him investing into talking to you is the first step don’t try to skip the value chain.

  11. Avatar

    Maritza

    August 26, 2020 at 8:03 pm

    I broke up with my boyfriend after he told me. “I’m sorry, but you’re not the only one I’m talking to” then he gave me a choice to decide if I wanted to stay with him or end it. I decided to end things because he was obviously confused and didn’t know who he was gonna go for, even though he said he wanted both of us. I don’t see him to be the type to be doing that, but then again I might be wrong. I knew in my gut that he would go for her so that’s why I broke up with him. We still had contact Saturday and Sunday after the break up. I saw him on Sunday when he brought my laptop over to my house because I left it at his house. Technically because we were together we were both gonna use the laptop,
    when he left I didn’t text him, which started the No Contact. However we had agreed to meet up Tuesday, but I never heard from him. I wanted to text him, but I figured it wasn’t a good idea specially if he’s now talking to that girl, I’d leave him be. Saturday comes and texts me “Damn can’t answer me” which was at 3ish in the morning. I woke up all the sudden and saw it. I should’ve not responded, but I did at almost 11 am when I thought he was going to work. We texted and then he called me we talked for 2 hrs on the phone. there were quiet moments when we would say nothing. Then he left to work which he stopped texting me, and ever since, he texts me, he stops texting all the sudden, then texts me again then stops. it’s been going on for already a week. Last night he texted me again saying he needed a favor and that he loves and misses me. and then he asked R we still together? then as I was responding me but my text wouldn’t go through he asked again Can you answer me bae? Honestly, idk anymore. Then he said he wants to work things out with me. I feel like I don’t really trust him anymore. Since last night I don’t have that gut feeling that he’s cheating on me or anything. Is that good? or bad. Please Help.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 10, 2020 at 6:50 pm

      Hey Maritza, I understand why you feel you do not trust him if he told you he was seeing someone else behind your back. If you are together, then you need to explain to him that his actions means that you do not trust him right now. Explain to him that when you are in work,and he is in work you do not need to speak but you expect some sort of reassurance when you are apart and you reach out to him. If he is in work, you can not be upset with him for not speaking to you however. Look up couples therapy if you feel that you can not get passed the cheating

  12. Avatar

    Beth

    May 22, 2020 at 12:18 am

    I reached out to my ex after 5 years – we reconnected and met for lunch twice- I was the one that had ended our relationship. We both shared a lot of our feelings for each other in emails- basically that we have never loved anyone like we love each other- he told me he has compared everyone else to me and I am the most special person he has ever had in his life BUT he is now with someone new and happy. He said he wanted to be a part of each other’s lives and that we would definitely hang out now that I had moved back to the area. Well, after our last lunch we texted a bit here and there then weeks turned to months. I wasn’t trying to break up his relationship I honestly miss him being in my life even if we are just friends. He always responds when I reach out but he doesn’t initiate the contact and we haven’t seen each other in well over a year. Our last text he said let’s be better at staying in touch but I feel like I am being unrealistic and maybe he doesn’t want to still hang out as friends. I just really miss knowing how he is doing- even if we only see each other a few times a year.

  13. Avatar

    Quella Mae

    May 17, 2020 at 1:46 pm

    My ex broke up with me. We got back together but he hadn’t changed so I left. I didn’t speak to him at all – recognised I had my own things and life to manage. He messaged me very recently and we spoke via text for two days about work, family, etc. He wanted a catch up (I assumed by phone) and I said I couldn’t due to being with a friend (lie). Then it transpires he wanted to meet face to face. I replied after half an hour “ah maybe another time” – not heard from him since. What does this mean?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 21, 2020 at 12:09 am

      Hi Quella it just means that he has a bruised ego that you rejected him

  14. Avatar

    Shell

    May 14, 2020 at 5:09 pm

    So 4 weeks ago he was open & honest with me and said his dealing with some jealousy issues and that he wanted to try sort things out within his head. I respected his honesty and decided to give him some space.
    He then reached out & asked if I was still interested in chatting to him I said of course, I just wanted to be respectful & give you some space. We then was chatting fine for a few days. Now it’s been a week of dead silence, no texts, no snaps & no Snapchat views.
    Should I be concerned here and ask if his ok? Or should I wait a while longer and see what happens?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 17, 2020 at 8:31 pm

      Hi Shell if you have not heard anything before 21 days NC I would suggest that you reach out then following the process

  15. Avatar

    Lisa

    May 7, 2020 at 12:37 pm

    Hey there,
    My ex and I of only one year, broke up 3 months ago because he didn’t know if I was who he wanted to end up with. Said he loves me, I’m his best friend etc. We saw each other a few times after and it was nice. I told him I think we made a mistake and we said we’d see what happens. Then one day I stopped hearing from him so I texted to see how he is. No response. Two weeks later he texts saying ‘I know we’re not talking but I hope you’re ok with Covid. Thinking of you. Take care x ’ I respond saying thank you and asked how he is. He never responded. It’s been 5 weeks and I haven’t heard from him.

    What do you think is going on here and What should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 17, 2020 at 9:57 pm

      Hi Lisa as you have not spoken in 5 weeks you can no attempt the texting phase but I suggest that you read some articles about how to start conversations with an ex before doing so. I think he is trying to move on as he thinks that is what he wants at this time, but following the program you can show him how that was a mistake

  16. Avatar

    Marvin B Kennedy

    May 3, 2020 at 8:44 pm

    My ex and I was together for 10 years and separated for 8.we was still acting like couples until I found out she was seeing a married man behind my back for 4 years but anyway Everytime she cancelled with me it’s cool but just a week ago she wanted to go food shopping with me but I cancelled the day before and scheduled for the next but she just stop answering my calls for no reason.its been almost two weeks and still a answer so can anybody tell me why she acting like this because she never done this before.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 7, 2020 at 10:13 pm

      Hi Marvin, by the sounds of things she was just upset that you cancelled on her and that she was not in control of the situation.

  17. Avatar

    Dee

    April 7, 2020 at 10:44 pm

    Help. I had my ex taking me out on dates, mailing me every day And flirting a LOT… in person we were kissing and cuddling and talking about doing things together (future talk)… then quarantine started…. we’ve talked every day for a month now and been out together twice before quarantine… we’ve exchanged a number of photos on snapchat, songs and random things about our days etc.,. Lots of flirting, some actual rude things, talk about exclusivity etc… every morning he’s mailed me and at night most nights,,. Then two days ago he Sent me a video of himself (it was rude) saying he was thinking of me …he was talking a LOT all day.,, liking my fb posts and insta photos, snapping me pics of himself his cat etc etc.,, then yesterday less mails and today all he’s done is like my Instagram photo this morning he hasn’t even messaged at all today… what do I do? I haven’t instigated contact in weeks and even then it was barely for months before that but I’m always positive. Attraction between us is ridiculous because feelings are still strong on both sides. We split up because of three things- I cheated (I’m an idiot), his parents don’t like me and he currently lives back with them and also I have children who he adored before but I think he d very cautious us re stepping back in Incase anythjng were to go wrong again. I absolutely adore this man. Utterly adore him. He ghosted next for weeks even after I’d lost his child and was utterly heartbroken and if anyone else behaved that way I’d be angry but I just love him and feel right when we are together… it’s been a year now but we haven’t actually made love/spent a night together since last December now…. and I’m worrying that maybe he’s freaking out that he was feeling we were back together or something and is now pulling back. If that’s the case it came from him more than me as I’ve been very careful not to suggest that, do I wait for him to contact me? I want to give him space if that’s what he needs but also don’t want him to think I’m not bothered when I am or not willing to make an effort and I certainly don’t want him thinking maybe I’m talking to other guys – help

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 13, 2020 at 3:25 pm

      Hi Dee I would think that the intensity maybe got to him a little, or he is looking for reciprocation in his efforts to contact you, I would reach out to him as he does to you. If he then ignores you then you would need to follow the NC again

  18. Avatar

    Lisa

    April 4, 2020 at 2:39 pm

    Hi Chris, I’ve been following the advice you’ve given on your site and videos and I’m forever grateful. I’ve been dating my ex for about 8 years. 4 last years long distance. He cheated, I broke up with him. We’ve been broken up for 6 months but NC for 4 months. He reached out to me recently and we started texting back and forth for a little more than a week. Towards the end of the week, I felt like I was putting in most of the effort. (He would reply to my msgs but won’t really initiate. He also isn’t flirtatious, just very nostalgic. There’s definitely a distance I feel from him.) So I stopped messaging him and it’s been 2 days now and I haven’t heard from him. Should I resume NC? Or should I message him again in a few days? I’m not sure where to go from here.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 9, 2020 at 10:49 pm

      Hi Lisa, the question is do you want him back. If so then you need to do a 21 day NC and work on your Holy Trinity in that time then start the texting phase, the issue is you have admittedly put in most of the effort, this guy cheated on you he should be chasing you not the other way around. Take back the power. Make sure you a putting less effort into your texts than he is and make sure you are ending conversations first, leaving him wanting more

  19. Avatar

    H

    March 22, 2020 at 12:48 am

    I find myself so confused. I did no contact and my ex reached out like clockwork 30 days later. He asked to be friends and I have treated him as such. His texts are usually pretty lame, tbh… Hey, What are you doing, Can I see you, etc. We’ve flirted here and there and I usually rebuff anything suggestive in a coy way. I don’t reply right away and try to be casual as possible. He started out really strong and now he’s kind of distant again. Yesterday, he asks what I’m doing and I sent him a cute picture to show him. It’s been a full day and he’s not replied. I honestly just think I should ignore him next time. Not necessarily full NC. I do think he still cares for me, but I’m not sure what to do to reattract.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 23, 2020 at 11:35 pm

      Hi H, it really depends on what you want from the relationship. IF you want to get him back then you need to work up the value ladder and show your ex that you are not going to respond to “boring” messages but throw a pattern interrupt into the conversation where he is thrown by the conversation and cut it short so you leave him wanting more

  20. Avatar

    shell

    March 21, 2020 at 10:44 pm

    Me & My Ex have been texting again we done 3 months of no contact.
    It’s been all fine & his been telling me how amazing I am things like that. We haven’t met up yet he said he wants to.
    He said he was feeling under some stress one day so I said I’m here if you want to talk look after yourself and I gave him space for a week. I reached out asked how he was feeling he said a lot better and was less stressed.
    However I have noticed he looks really bad like really scruffy reason I have noticed this. He added me on social media he text me saying wow you’re looking stunning I said thank you but didn’t feel like saying the same as in his videos he looks pretty bad. After this it’s been 8 days and his gone completely silent. I’m not really sure what to do in a situation like this?
    Not sure if he wants me to be more loving, wants some space or what?
    Please HELP!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 28, 2020 at 9:13 pm

      Hi Shell so the hard part here is that you need to not act like a girlfriend… as you are not there at the moment. You are just talking. I would try to work up the value chain and see how things go. Other than that you need to limit the amount of effort you put in. Watch your word count and response times.

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