What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

My Ex Stopped Talking To Me All Of A Sudden

Scenario: You have been following the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Program. You and your ex boyfriend have moved from the texting phase, to phone calls, to casual meet-ups. You’re developing rapport and you feel a strong connection being re-established between the two of you. Then out of nowhere…

What’s that?

Silence.

You hear nothing from him. He had been initiating a bit up till now, you thought things were going well. So why did he all of the sudden drop off the face of the earth?

Well, first, I have a couple of questions.

Things to Consider

  1. Is he responding when you text him? i.e., has he only stopped initiating? If you text him, what are his responses like?
  2. What were your last interactions like before this change in the pattern? Did anything happen that could have caused him to pull away?
  3. What is going on in his life currently? Is there family stuff going on, or a new job that needs his attention?

The Ex-Boyfriend Recovery process can be very anxiety producing – I see it every day in our Facebook group. We tend to try and pick apart interactions and text to decipher what is really going on in that head of his.

The thing is…

You can never really know for sure.

Because sometimes, it has nothing to do with us, or anything we did.

Honest.

So, it’s important to try to look at the situation objectively. Please don’t automatically jump to assuming the worst, which is what comes automatically to most people. If nothing crazy happened when you last talked/hung out, or he’s responding when you initiate, it could very well just be that he’s busy.

That’s why it’s important to think about what may be going on in his life.

I mean, you have an entire life outside of your guy, at least you should if you’re an Ungettable Girl.

Why should it be a surprise that he does, too?

Okay, now that the logical part it is out of the way, we will discuss some of the possible reasons he is pulling away that may, in fact, have to do with you. The good news, though, is that the way to respond to this distance he is creating is pretty much the same across the board.

Reasons He’s Pulling Away That Do Relate to You

So maybe nothing is going on in his life. Maybe his family is healthy, his job is steady, and his health is in check. Maybe something did happen when you last spoke that caused him to freak out a bit. And maybe he’s not responding to your texts.

If this is the case….maybe something is going on. To my mind, there are a few different possibilities: He met someone else, you did something to push him away, or he’s confused and needs some space to work out his feelings.

So let’s start with the most intimidating one…

Maybe He Met Someone

This is the one you’re least likely to want to hear, so I will get it out of the way first.

Yes. Okay.

Maybe he met someone. It’s a pretty simple explanation for why he would cease speaking to his ex girlfriend. If you were seeing someone new and were into them, you probably wouldn’t want to be talking to your ex either.

Guys get lonely. Emotionally and physically. It’s not uncommon for guys to seek comfort and intimacy with other women when they are sad and lonely. It seems counter-intuitive to us, and not all that emotionally healthy, but it’s what they do.

You see, men are taught by society that they need to be strong and not emotional. Most men feel more comfortable showing their softer side to women. When your ex lost you, he lost the main person he was “allowed” to be vulnerable with.

You get to go to your girlfriend’s house, drink wine, eat pizza and cookie dough, watch bad tv and pass out cuddling with each other in the same bed. But a guy doesn’t get to have that. You were that, for your guy. This is why I suspect so many men jump into rebounds so quickly. They need that intimacy. They crave it. They need that emotional bond, the person they can be vulnerable with.

The good news is, you can use this to your advantage before another woman sweeps in and inserts herself into the situation. I think this is one of the reasons my ex and I are in such a good place. We’re not together, but I suspect he still considers me his best friend. He still wants to share everything with me, and I’m still the person in the world that he feels the most comfortable being vulnerable with. If you can keep that position in his life, you’re already on the right track.

Now, what do you do, though, if another woman has entered the picture?

I’d say if the two of you were a ways along into the process, do a bit of No Contact (mostly to center yourself and acclimate to this new challenge), and then attempt the “Being There” method. Try to stay a part of your ex’s life while he’s with this other person. Try to get a hold of that emotionally vulnerable part of him that you once had access to – but don’t force it. That will just scare him off.

Maybe Something Happened

Remember my second question? If the answer to it is yes, the reason why your ex stopped talking to you all of the sudden should be rather obvious.

Maybe things got a little out of control and you got emotional, scaring him off. This is what guys tend to call “crazy behavior.”

You have to put yourself in his shoes. To him, the two of you are not a couple. So why the hell should he have to put up with your crazy behaviors?

I cannot stress enough how important it is to keep your emotional cool when dealing with your ex. If you don’t feel centered, walk away. Do not send that text. Put the phone down. I promise, it will not be worth it in the long run.

A common reason girls lose their cool is that they suspect that their ex is dating/sleeping with someone else.

Ladies.

You are not his girlfriend.

YOU ARE NOT HIS GIRLFRIEND.

YOU. ARE. NOT. HIS. GIRLFRIEND.

YOU.

ARE.

NOT.

HIS.

GIRLFRIEND.

…Yet.

It doesn’t matter if he’s dating or sleeping with other women because you are not together. Just because you’ve been talking, or hanging out, or casually dating does not mean you’re together. If you start acting like you’re together before you are (i.e. bringing up fights or arguing over things that are pointless or unproven), you are not keeping your eye on the big picture and you won’t end up back together.

Or, here’s another possible scenario:

Maybe things were going really well, and then one night, you broke the rules and slept with him. Then he stops initiating, stops texting and calling. He starts ghosting. It’s okay, it happens sometimes and it’s not the end of the world.

In both of these instances, my answer is the same.

NO CONTACT.

You need an immediate reset. You need to get your bearings, and your ex needs to remember how empty his life was without you, and possibly forget all of the unkind things you said to him in your emotional rage.

No Contact to reset the stage. Then, try to begin the process again – initiate little by little and see how it goes. I always think it’s funny – so much of the time when men ghost, they come back to apologize. Just a pattern I’ve noticed recently.

Just remember, there is only so many times you can do this before he is going to either tire of the routine or sense a pattern. So I reiterate that keeping your emotions in check is absolutely paramount.

Maybe He’s Confused and Needs Space

How’s this one? Maybe all of this time that the two of you are spending together is putting his head in a spin. Maybe he’s starting to try and remember why the two of you broke up in the first place and needs some time away from you to get his head on straight. That’s okay. That’s a good thing. It means that what you’ve been doing has been working.

Getting an ex to agree to giving your relationship a second try is no easy task, but if you’ve played your cards right, this time of him pulling away will make him seriously start to think about what a sacrifice it would be to not have you in his life. That’s your goal – you need to make it so that him giving you up has to be an almost impossible decision.

If he’s confused and needs space, give it to him. Act as if you’re going back into No Contact again – up your social media game and push ahead as though you aren’t even bothered that he isn’t talking to you.

This is the make or break point. You can’t ruin it now.

An observation that I have made through the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery process is that when men pull away, it is women’s impulse to chase. This has the tendency to push the men away further. Sometimes men need time to process to themselves. As I mentioned before, they don’t have many people in their lives that they can be vulnerable with. This causes them to frequently retreat inward. So sometimes, you’ve just got to give them that time to work through things solo. Engage in a little bit of push/pull theory and read up on rubber-banding. They will help you understand this male tendency to pull away a lot more.

It’s possible that after your ex has worked through whatever he was trying to work through, he looks up and realizes that he misses you. The biggest thing to keep in mind if you are feeling ignored is to not assume or jump to conclusions. Just because they’ve pulled away, that doesn’t mean they aren’t thinking or feeling.

“Be Kind, for Everyone You Meet is Fighting a Hard Battle”

I was unsure what Buffy reference I was going to add to this article, but then when writing about men and vulnerability, I was reminded of an episode near the end of season 3 – “Earshot”.

In it, the Scooby Gang suspects that a fellow student at Sunnydale High is going to kill their classmates. Buffy runs up to the tower on campus, and finds Jonathan (a nerd-type who gets bullied a lot) with a gun. He accuses her of not understanding his pain. She says to him:

“You know what? I was wrong. You are an idiot. My life happens to, on occasion, suck beyond the telling of it. Sometimes more than I can handle. And it’s not just mine. Every single person down there is ignoring your pain because they’re too busy with their own. The beautiful ones. The popular ones. The guys that pick on you. Everyone. If you could hear what they were feeling. The loneliness. The confusion. It looks quiet down there. It’s not. It’s deafening…”

As I mentioned before, it’s very possible that your ex’s silence has nothing to do with you. But maybe it does. Either way, his silence is an indicator that something is happening inside of them that they need time on their own to process. And the correct response to silence is not to nag, or push, but to pull back and give your guy the space that he needs. Guys aren’t always the best at communicating their emotional needs, so consider his silence his way of asking. We all need downtime and periods of time to process how we feel. We all deal with things differently, and absolutely EVERYONE is dealing with something.

This is a general thing to keep in mind for life, not just when dealing with your ex-boyfriend. Basically: Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.

(Written by Rachel)

Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter

19 responses to “My Ex Stopped Talking To Me All Of A Sudden”

  1. Natasha says:

    Hi, my boyfriend and I had a fight 5 days ago over the phone. He had been chasing me for a very long time and definitely appreciates me. He is always saying “You are not somebody I can just forget no matter what happens” and “You are so special” and “I’m so in love with you. What have you done to me?”. Since I hadn’t seen him in a week, I started a fight over him not being able to see me. Afterwards I went out anyway with a few friends and he kept calling me many times and I kept ignoring his calls. The next day he called and I started a fight with him, acting distant and angry and like I didn’t care about him. He also started acting that way and then said “there’s no loving you” after I said “I forget about you. I don’t think about you”. Then he said “I don’t love you”. Then my response was “I don’t love you”. He then hung up on me and said “Call me when you’ll be nlrmal”. I haven’t heard from him in 5 days. This is VERY out of character for him. I’m afraid he will never contact me again as he thinks I don’t love him anyway? Even though I feel like I should be mad as he hung up on me? I never call him first or message him first so maybe he thinks I really don’t care. I’m sounded very believable when I said I don’t think about you. What is the best thing to do next? Wait for him or call him and look vulnerable? I have no idea please help

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Natasha,

      Cool down for however long you need and communicate with him..better if you get couples counseling too..

  2. Sonam says:

    Hi, I have been doing the EBR process, trying to get my ex boyfriend back. I went straight into NC for 34 days in mid January when we broke up. I never heard from my ex during this whole time (as expected lol). However, when I initiated after NC he responded positively and quickly. It has been a long 6 months of peaks and troughs but I thought we were finally getting somewhere until a few weeks ago.

    We are LDR and we had met up in my home country in July, where he told me he was sorry, he missed me and even got an I love you. We shared a hotel room/bed and there was kissing and he held me all night (no sex), he left with us agreeing to meet up in NYC a few weeks later.

    However, in those weeks before NYC he became unresponsive to messages, which was confusing/frustrating but he had been away for 6 months working on a cruise ship, so I thought i’d give him space to catch up with friends, family etc.
    I initiated contact a week before I was due to arrive in NYC and he responded positively, offering to pick me up at the airport and even flirting.

    When I got to NYC my flight was delayed and he had come to the airport but had to leave to get to an appointment, which he apologised profusely for. I was disappointed but I understood and it was no big deal. But he then didn’t message me or respond to messages I sent in the first few days of me being in NYC.

    I was on;y going to be there for a week, so I just messaged him directly asking what was going on and why he was being so weird. He replied and said he was busy and that we would definitely be hanging out. A day later he messaged to say to meet him at a certain place in an hour, I didn’t want to be so available to him but I didn’t have the luxury of time and living in the same country, so I agreed to meet him.

    When I saw him he hugged me tightly and kissed me as he greeted me. But told me he couldn’t stay long but would spend the whole of the next day with me. We had a great couple of hours together and he kissed me twice before having to leave and said he’d see me tomorrow.

    The next morning he messaged saying he couldn’t come and was sorry. It sounded dubious, so I asked him why and that he should come see me once he had sorted out whatever issue he was having. He agreed and said he’d message me at lunchtime. He never messaged but posted up 6 pics to instagram at the time he said he’s message me. This made me angry and unfortunately I ended up angry text gnawing him. He knew he messed up and had nothing to say to excuse himself, so he stayed quiet, reading my messages but not responding like a coward.

    The next day was going to be my final day in New York and i messaged him saying so. Asking if he could meet me. He continued to ignore and then had the audacity to be angry at me and saying not to text him. I messaged him explaining why I was angry and that he had been very disrespectful and then never messaged him again.

    It has now been 2 weeks since any contact. so I guess it’s a mini NC. But my question is, how long is long enough for a mini NC in this situation and should I initiate contact again now? Obviously, I know I can’t bring up the “fight” but in a UG way?

    I tried asking this question in the group but got no responses, so hopefully you can please advise me on how to continue

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      HI Sonam

      did you go to nyc just for him? If yes, does he know that? Because honestly, you’re not together. I understand you wanted to see him, of course. But come from his point of view, you’re the one who’s trying to build rapport, not him. So, it looked like you kept demanding time from him and had nothing else to do in his hometown.

    • Sonam says:

      Hi Amor,

      Thanks for your reply and sorry for the delayed response.

      No I didn’t just goto New York for him. However, it was him that suggested we hang out whilst I was there, when hw found out I was going to be in NYC when we were hanging out in London a few weeks before.

      I didn’t demand any time from him. I told him I was coming, he offered to pick me up at the airport but then couldn’t. Then he told me we would hang out and didn’t get in touch again, so when it got to halfway through the week I was there for, I reached out asking if he still wanted to and he said yes but wouldn’t say when. Then last minute one lunchtime asked to meet me and whilst it goes against EBR to agree to last min ute plans, I thought due to circumstances, I would agree to meet. on meeting he told me he could only stay an hour but would come to my hotel early the next morning and we could spend the whole day together, to which I was like okay. But then he flaked again the next morning, at which point I got angry and told him that he was being disrespectful of my time and his excuses were lame and dubious and text gnatted.

      I think I was justified in calling him out because whilst I am trying to get him back and love him etc, I won’t just sit back and allow disrespectful behaviour from him.

      I reached out recently after 2 weeks NC and he has been receptive and responsive but we haven’t discussed what happened. It’s frustrating to keep moving forward and then right back again. I guess I have to keep playing the waiting game and keep control of my emotions but to be honest it’s taking it’s toll and really difficult to just keep pretending that I’m not bothered or not showing him when his behaviour is unacceptable.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Ah..the only thing you could have done was to leave earlier in the first sign that he was avoiding you while you were there than to wait for him to turn around and spent time with you, to regain power.. But this time, you have to let him initiate so, it doesn’t look like you’re chasing him and investing more than him.. By not spending time and effort to initiate talking to him, you’re showing that after what he did, you don’t have time for people who will not make an effort for you.. Set a limit on until when you would observe him..if he doesn’t initiate and make effort for you in your limit, move on..

  3. Meran says:

    Hi. I started contact after NC for 30 days. The third message and short conversation was me sending that remember the good times text. But all three times I have initiated the conversation by sending a text as you guys describe. The texts were spread out over the course of 2 weeks. He has responded positively to all. But, why then is he not trying to text me and initiating conversations? We ended the relationship on an ok note, and we had a great relationship. I have been active during NC, posting on fb, following your advice, etc. Is he just being polite, even seeing me as a friend? Why doesn’t he seems interested in talking unless I talk to him? I just don’t want him to pick on it and realize I’m into him and think I’m desperate to talk to him.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Meran,

      are you ending it the conversations? are you ending them in cliffhanger? and using topics of his interests?

  4. Confused says:

    Can someone help me please.

    My ex and I broke up in October and it’s been almost a year now and we slept together 4 times since because I was foolish. He says he still really cares about me but I don’t think he loves me but he told me he did one drink night in April.
    In June he begged me to be friends and I told him no because one of us was going to start dating soon and I wasn’t ready to see him with anyone else but he messaged me as the weeks went by anyway and I gave in and replied a few times. I went travelling for 5 weeks so the last time I saw him was June and we slept together, now I’m back he messaged me to say that he’s seeing someone and he thought I already knew but I didn’t so he said he was glad he got to tell me first and thought I should know in case I see them around, he said it’s not an official relationship but he wants to give me a heads up – which I thought was nice of him but I freaked out and started asking questions about their relationship, I asked if it was serious and if that’s why he told me and he just said ummmmm we’ve been spending a lot of time together so I assume it’s just a sexual relationship but then he tried to change the subject and I kept asking so he stopped replying to my messages and I know the right thing for me to do is no contact maybe forever lol because now he won’t reply. Or try the being there method after not contact.

    What do you think?

    If it helps: My ex is 31 and I’m 23, we’re both language teachers and this new girl is 19 and one of his students – it actually kind of makes me sick bc I was her teacher last summer and from what I know about her is she just got out of a 4 year relationship and so I think my ex is her rebound.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi COnfused,

      do you work in the same place?

    • Confused says:

      Hi Amor thanks for replying.
      No we don’t work in the same place. She attended a summer camp last summer where I was and this July she attended an intensive language course and my ex was her teacher. Immediately after the course ended they started dating

    • Confused says:

      No we don’t work for the same company. I messaged him again today saying that i was happy for him and we had been getting on so well recently that I didn’t want this to change things and asked him if it does, and again he didn’t reply. I feel like a loser bc that’s 4 messages he hasn’t responded to so now I’m definitely doing NC!

  5. Hey EBR team,
    So my ex hasn’t stopped talking to me. He responds in a neutral/ friendly way (hot and cold). But the thing is, that he takes a long time to reply! I think that’s a sign of him ignoring me and putting me in the friendzone. We share like 1/2 messages per day (usually). What should I do? Is this a bad sign right? Need some help here.. Thank you

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      not really friendzoned, because friendzoned means he’s friendly with you and that’s just it. In your case, it looks like you’re not building up rapport. What are the topics that you’re using?

    • Hi Amor,
      I am building rapport by talking about nice issues, future, even cute stuff!
      I’m being super nice to him and he responds in a positive way most of times!
      Although, he told me that we won’t get back together a few weeks ago.
      I don’t know.. it’s just the time he takes to reply. We talk through internet not via message, it’s an habit of ours since always, and he’s not online often. He even told me that he doesn’t respond more often because he has not online acess.
      Do you really think he’s not ignoring me? What can I do to improve things? Thanks you so much Amor!

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      use topics that are interesting for him.. that’s ok that you only talk online, the more important thing is if you’re still active in improving yourself and in posting. If he sees your posts, are they something attractive? Like if he sees you through your posts would he think you’re more beautiful and happier compared to before and would be interested in your activities, that it would make him regret not being with you?

  6. Jasmine says:

    Hello,

    This is a little off topic but my boyfriend and I are currently on a break. I had broken up with him and told me he just needed time to figure things out. We broke up because I felt like did not care anymore about me and I voiced how I was feelings numerous times in the relationship. Well last week I had finally had it and tried to end things. He told me he feels like he does not know himself anymore and that we both need to figure what direction we want to take with our lives whether thats together or apart. So we agreed on a break. We agreed to still respect our relationship but we did not set a time limit for this break.

    We have been dating for nine months and in the last two months we started arguing a lot. Much of it was my fault. I was moody because of medication and somewhat insecure. I blew some things out of proportion. It’s only been four days of no contact and I am going insane. I already know how we can make our relationship better and want to discuss it but when we agreed on a break he said he needed legit time (usually our breaks have lasted two days, one of us always caves). But I don’t know when he is going to contact me. We live and go to the same university so I have seen him three times on campus in passing, once from a bit aways (he still saw me) and twice as he was skateboarding next to my car. He pretended as if I didn’t exist and put his head down and went on his phone.

    One thing I’ve noticed is that he has been on his phone a lot. Specifically snapchat. When I post a story he always seems to view it within five to ten minutes. I know its bad that I’ve been stalking him but he’s been on twitter a lot as well liking many tweets (never tweeting).

    I really don’t know what to do. Should I give him more time and let him come to me? What can I do specifically on a BREAK to make him miss me? I love him so much and i am willingly to work on my own personal flaws.

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