Scenario: You have been following the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Program. You and your ex boyfriend have moved from the texting phase, to phone calls, to casual meet-ups. You’re developing rapport and you feel a strong connection being re-established between the two of you. Then out of nowhere…

What’s that?

Silence.

You hear nothing from him. He had been initiating a bit up till now, you thought things were going well. So why did he all of the sudden drop off the face of the earth?

Well, first, I have a couple of questions.

Things to Consider

  1. Is he responding when you text him? i.e., has he only stopped initiating? If you text him, what are his responses like?
  2. What were your last interactions like before this change in the pattern? Did anything happen that could have caused him to pull away?
  3. What is going on in his life currently? Is there family stuff going on, or a new job that needs his attention?

The Ex-Boyfriend Recovery process can be very anxiety producing – I see it every day in our Facebook group. We tend to try and pick apart interactions and text to decipher what is really going on in that head of his.

The thing is…

You can never really know for sure.

Because sometimes, it has nothing to do with us, or anything we did.

Honest.

So, it’s important to try to look at the situation objectively. Please don’t automatically jump to assuming the worst, which is what comes automatically to most people. If nothing crazy happened when you last talked/hung out, or he’s responding when you initiate, it could very well just be that he’s busy.

That’s why it’s important to think about what may be going on in his life.

I mean, you have an entire life outside of your guy, at least you should if you’re an Ungettable Girl.

Why should it be a surprise that he does, too?

Okay, now that the logical part it is out of the way, we will discuss some of the possible reasons he is pulling away that may, in fact, have to do with you. The good news, though, is that the way to respond to this distance he is creating is pretty much the same across the board.

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Reasons He’s Pulling Away That Do Relate to You

So maybe nothing is going on in his life. Maybe his family is healthy, his job is steady, and his health is in check. Maybe something did happen when you last spoke that caused him to freak out a bit. And maybe he’s not responding to your texts.

If this is the case….maybe something is going on. To my mind, there are a few different possibilities: He met someone else, you did something to push him away, or he’s confused and needs some space to work out his feelings.

So let’s start with the most intimidating one…

Maybe He Met Someone

This is the one you’re least likely to want to hear, so I will get it out of the way first.

Yes. Okay.

Maybe he met someone. It’s a pretty simple explanation for why he would cease speaking to his ex girlfriend. If you were seeing someone new and were into them, you probably wouldn’t want to be talking to your ex either.

Guys get lonely. Emotionally and physically. It’s not uncommon for guys to seek comfort and intimacy with other women when they are sad and lonely. It seems counter-intuitive to us, and not all that emotionally healthy, but it’s what they do.

You see, men are taught by society that they need to be strong and not emotional. Most men feel more comfortable showing their softer side to women. When your ex lost you, he lost the main person he was “allowed” to be vulnerable with.

You get to go to your girlfriend’s house, drink wine, eat pizza and cookie dough, watch bad tv and pass out cuddling with each other in the same bed. But a guy doesn’t get to have that. You were that, for your guy. This is why I suspect so many men jump into rebounds so quickly. They need that intimacy. They crave it. They need that emotional bond, the person they can be vulnerable with.

The good news is, you can use this to your advantage before another woman sweeps in and inserts herself into the situation. I think this is one of the reasons my ex and I are in such a good place. We’re not together, but I suspect he still considers me his best friend. He still wants to share everything with me, and I’m still the person in the world that he feels the most comfortable being vulnerable with. If you can keep that position in his life, you’re already on the right track.

Now, what do you do, though, if another woman has entered the picture?

I’d say if the two of you were a ways along into the process, do a bit of No Contact (mostly to center yourself and acclimate to this new challenge), and then attempt the “Being There” method. Try to stay a part of your ex’s life while he’s with this other person. Try to get a hold of that emotionally vulnerable part of him that you once had access to – but don’t force it. That will just scare him off.

Maybe Something Happened

Remember my second question? If the answer to it is yes, the reason why your ex stopped talking to you all of the sudden should be rather obvious.

Maybe things got a little out of control and you got emotional, scaring him off. This is what guys tend to call “crazy behavior.”

You have to put yourself in his shoes. To him, the two of you are not a couple. So why the hell should he have to put up with your crazy behaviors?

I cannot stress enough how important it is to keep your emotional cool when dealing with your ex. If you don’t feel centered, walk away. Do not send that text. Put the phone down. I promise, it will not be worth it in the long run.

A common reason girls lose their cool is that they suspect that their ex is dating/sleeping with someone else.

Ladies.

You are not his girlfriend.

YOU ARE NOT HIS GIRLFRIEND.

YOU. ARE. NOT. HIS. GIRLFRIEND.

YOU.

ARE.

NOT.

HIS.

GIRLFRIEND.

…Yet.

It doesn’t matter if he’s dating or sleeping with other women because you are not together. Just because you’ve been talking, or hanging out, or casually dating does not mean you’re together. If you start acting like you’re together before you are (i.e. bringing up fights or arguing over things that are pointless or unproven), you are not keeping your eye on the big picture and you won’t end up back together.

Or, here’s another possible scenario:

Maybe things were going really well, and then one night, you broke the rules and slept with him. Then he stops initiating, stops texting and calling. He starts ghosting. It’s okay, it happens sometimes and it’s not the end of the world.

In both of these instances, my answer is the same.

NO CONTACT.

You need an immediate reset. You need to get your bearings, and your ex needs to remember how empty his life was without you, and possibly forget all of the unkind things you said to him in your emotional rage.

No Contact to reset the stage. Then, try to begin the process again – initiate little by little and see how it goes. I always think it’s funny – so much of the time when men ghost, they come back to apologize. Just a pattern I’ve noticed recently.

Just remember, there is only so many times you can do this before he is going to either tire of the routine or sense a pattern. So I reiterate that keeping your emotions in check is absolutely paramount.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Maybe He’s Confused and Needs Space

How’s this one? Maybe all of this time that the two of you are spending together is putting his head in a spin. Maybe he’s starting to try and remember why the two of you broke up in the first place and needs some time away from you to get his head on straight. That’s okay. That’s a good thing. It means that what you’ve been doing has been working.

Getting an ex to agree to giving your relationship a second try is no easy task, but if you’ve played your cards right, this time of him pulling away will make him seriously start to think about what a sacrifice it would be to not have you in his life. That’s your goal – you need to make it so that him giving you up has to be an almost impossible decision.

If he’s confused and needs space, give it to him. Act as if you’re going back into No Contact again – up your social media game and push ahead as though you aren’t even bothered that he isn’t talking to you.

This is the make or break point. You can’t ruin it now.

An observation that I have made through the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery process is that when men pull away, it is women’s impulse to chase. This has the tendency to push the men away further. Sometimes men need time to process to themselves. As I mentioned before, they don’t have many people in their lives that they can be vulnerable with. This causes them to frequently retreat inward. So sometimes, you’ve just got to give them that time to work through things solo. Engage in a little bit of push/pull theory and read up on rubber-banding. They will help you understand this male tendency to pull away a lot more.

It’s possible that after your ex has worked through whatever he was trying to work through, he looks up and realizes that he misses you. The biggest thing to keep in mind if you are feeling ignored is to not assume or jump to conclusions. Just because they’ve pulled away, that doesn’t mean they aren’t thinking or feeling.

“Be Kind, for Everyone You Meet is Fighting a Hard Battle”

I was unsure what Buffy reference I was going to add to this article, but then when writing about men and vulnerability, I was reminded of an episode near the end of season 3 – “Earshot”.

In it, the Scooby Gang suspects that a fellow student at Sunnydale High is going to kill their classmates. Buffy runs up to the tower on campus, and finds Jonathan (a nerd-type who gets bullied a lot) with a gun. He accuses her of not understanding his pain. She says to him:

“You know what? I was wrong. You are an idiot. My life happens to, on occasion, suck beyond the telling of it. Sometimes more than I can handle. And it’s not just mine. Every single person down there is ignoring your pain because they’re too busy with their own. The beautiful ones. The popular ones. The guys that pick on you. Everyone. If you could hear what they were feeling. The loneliness. The confusion. It looks quiet down there. It’s not. It’s deafening…”

As I mentioned before, it’s very possible that your ex’s silence has nothing to do with you. But maybe it does. Either way, his silence is an indicator that something is happening inside of them that they need time on their own to process. And the correct response to silence is not to nag, or push, but to pull back and give your guy the space that he needs. Guys aren’t always the best at communicating their emotional needs, so consider his silence his way of asking. We all need downtime and periods of time to process how we feel. We all deal with things differently, and absolutely EVERYONE is dealing with something.

This is a general thing to keep in mind for life, not just when dealing with your ex-boyfriend. Basically: Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.

(Written by Rachel)

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140 thoughts on “My Ex Stopped Talking To Me All Of A Sudden”

  1. Avatar

    Quella Mae

    May 17, 2020 at 1:46 pm

    My ex broke up with me. We got back together but he hadn’t changed so I left. I didn’t speak to him at all – recognised I had my own things and life to manage. He messaged me very recently and we spoke via text for two days about work, family, etc. He wanted a catch up (I assumed by phone) and I said I couldn’t due to being with a friend (lie). Then it transpires he wanted to meet face to face. I replied after half an hour “ah maybe another time” – not heard from him since. What does this mean?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 21, 2020 at 12:09 am

      Hi Quella it just means that he has a bruised ego that you rejected him

  2. Avatar

    Shell

    May 14, 2020 at 5:09 pm

    So 4 weeks ago he was open & honest with me and said his dealing with some jealousy issues and that he wanted to try sort things out within his head. I respected his honesty and decided to give him some space.
    He then reached out & asked if I was still interested in chatting to him I said of course, I just wanted to be respectful & give you some space. We then was chatting fine for a few days. Now it’s been a week of dead silence, no texts, no snaps & no Snapchat views.
    Should I be concerned here and ask if his ok? Or should I wait a while longer and see what happens?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 17, 2020 at 8:31 pm

      Hi Shell if you have not heard anything before 21 days NC I would suggest that you reach out then following the process

  3. Avatar

    Lisa

    May 7, 2020 at 12:37 pm

    Hey there,
    My ex and I of only one year, broke up 3 months ago because he didn’t know if I was who he wanted to end up with. Said he loves me, I’m his best friend etc. We saw each other a few times after and it was nice. I told him I think we made a mistake and we said we’d see what happens. Then one day I stopped hearing from him so I texted to see how he is. No response. Two weeks later he texts saying ‘I know we’re not talking but I hope you’re ok with Covid. Thinking of you. Take care x ’ I respond saying thank you and asked how he is. He never responded. It’s been 5 weeks and I haven’t heard from him.

    What do you think is going on here and What should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 17, 2020 at 9:57 pm

      Hi Lisa as you have not spoken in 5 weeks you can no attempt the texting phase but I suggest that you read some articles about how to start conversations with an ex before doing so. I think he is trying to move on as he thinks that is what he wants at this time, but following the program you can show him how that was a mistake

  4. Avatar

    Marvin B Kennedy

    May 3, 2020 at 8:44 pm

    My ex and I was together for 10 years and separated for 8.we was still acting like couples until I found out she was seeing a married man behind my back for 4 years but anyway Everytime she cancelled with me it’s cool but just a week ago she wanted to go food shopping with me but I cancelled the day before and scheduled for the next but she just stop answering my calls for no reason.its been almost two weeks and still a answer so can anybody tell me why she acting like this because she never done this before.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 7, 2020 at 10:13 pm

      Hi Marvin, by the sounds of things she was just upset that you cancelled on her and that she was not in control of the situation.

  5. Avatar

    Dee

    April 7, 2020 at 10:44 pm

    Help. I had my ex taking me out on dates, mailing me every day And flirting a LOT… in person we were kissing and cuddling and talking about doing things together (future talk)… then quarantine started…. we’ve talked every day for a month now and been out together twice before quarantine… we’ve exchanged a number of photos on snapchat, songs and random things about our days etc.,. Lots of flirting, some actual rude things, talk about exclusivity etc… every morning he’s mailed me and at night most nights,,. Then two days ago he Sent me a video of himself (it was rude) saying he was thinking of me …he was talking a LOT all day.,, liking my fb posts and insta photos, snapping me pics of himself his cat etc etc.,, then yesterday less mails and today all he’s done is like my Instagram photo this morning he hasn’t even messaged at all today… what do I do? I haven’t instigated contact in weeks and even then it was barely for months before that but I’m always positive. Attraction between us is ridiculous because feelings are still strong on both sides. We split up because of three things- I cheated (I’m an idiot), his parents don’t like me and he currently lives back with them and also I have children who he adored before but I think he d very cautious us re stepping back in Incase anythjng were to go wrong again. I absolutely adore this man. Utterly adore him. He ghosted next for weeks even after I’d lost his child and was utterly heartbroken and if anyone else behaved that way I’d be angry but I just love him and feel right when we are together… it’s been a year now but we haven’t actually made love/spent a night together since last December now…. and I’m worrying that maybe he’s freaking out that he was feeling we were back together or something and is now pulling back. If that’s the case it came from him more than me as I’ve been very careful not to suggest that, do I wait for him to contact me? I want to give him space if that’s what he needs but also don’t want him to think I’m not bothered when I am or not willing to make an effort and I certainly don’t want him thinking maybe I’m talking to other guys – help

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 13, 2020 at 3:25 pm

      Hi Dee I would think that the intensity maybe got to him a little, or he is looking for reciprocation in his efforts to contact you, I would reach out to him as he does to you. If he then ignores you then you would need to follow the NC again

  6. Avatar

    Lisa

    April 4, 2020 at 2:39 pm

    Hi Chris, I’ve been following the advice you’ve given on your site and videos and I’m forever grateful. I’ve been dating my ex for about 8 years. 4 last years long distance. He cheated, I broke up with him. We’ve been broken up for 6 months but NC for 4 months. He reached out to me recently and we started texting back and forth for a little more than a week. Towards the end of the week, I felt like I was putting in most of the effort. (He would reply to my msgs but won’t really initiate. He also isn’t flirtatious, just very nostalgic. There’s definitely a distance I feel from him.) So I stopped messaging him and it’s been 2 days now and I haven’t heard from him. Should I resume NC? Or should I message him again in a few days? I’m not sure where to go from here.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 9, 2020 at 10:49 pm

      Hi Lisa, the question is do you want him back. If so then you need to do a 21 day NC and work on your Holy Trinity in that time then start the texting phase, the issue is you have admittedly put in most of the effort, this guy cheated on you he should be chasing you not the other way around. Take back the power. Make sure you a putting less effort into your texts than he is and make sure you are ending conversations first, leaving him wanting more

  7. Avatar

    H

    March 22, 2020 at 12:48 am

    I find myself so confused. I did no contact and my ex reached out like clockwork 30 days later. He asked to be friends and I have treated him as such. His texts are usually pretty lame, tbh… Hey, What are you doing, Can I see you, etc. We’ve flirted here and there and I usually rebuff anything suggestive in a coy way. I don’t reply right away and try to be casual as possible. He started out really strong and now he’s kind of distant again. Yesterday, he asks what I’m doing and I sent him a cute picture to show him. It’s been a full day and he’s not replied. I honestly just think I should ignore him next time. Not necessarily full NC. I do think he still cares for me, but I’m not sure what to do to reattract.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 23, 2020 at 11:35 pm

      Hi H, it really depends on what you want from the relationship. IF you want to get him back then you need to work up the value ladder and show your ex that you are not going to respond to “boring” messages but throw a pattern interrupt into the conversation where he is thrown by the conversation and cut it short so you leave him wanting more

  8. Avatar

    shell

    March 21, 2020 at 10:44 pm

    Me & My Ex have been texting again we done 3 months of no contact.
    It’s been all fine & his been telling me how amazing I am things like that. We haven’t met up yet he said he wants to.
    He said he was feeling under some stress one day so I said I’m here if you want to talk look after yourself and I gave him space for a week. I reached out asked how he was feeling he said a lot better and was less stressed.
    However I have noticed he looks really bad like really scruffy reason I have noticed this. He added me on social media he text me saying wow you’re looking stunning I said thank you but didn’t feel like saying the same as in his videos he looks pretty bad. After this it’s been 8 days and his gone completely silent. I’m not really sure what to do in a situation like this?
    Not sure if he wants me to be more loving, wants some space or what?
    Please HELP!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 28, 2020 at 9:13 pm

      Hi Shell so the hard part here is that you need to not act like a girlfriend… as you are not there at the moment. You are just talking. I would try to work up the value chain and see how things go. Other than that you need to limit the amount of effort you put in. Watch your word count and response times.

  9. Avatar

    Jasmine

    March 12, 2020 at 11:49 am

    Ex reached out to me after 6 years, hung out had a one night stand and now he says we shouldn’t talk anymore??? I’m so confused! When we met up it felt like old times , what do I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 12, 2020 at 12:54 pm

      Hi Jasmine, so he treated it as a booty call so you need to make it clear that you are not phased by this. You can go on to date others casually so he can see you are not waiting around to hear from him

  10. Avatar

    Amanda Panda

    January 17, 2020 at 6:23 pm

    HI i got back with my ex for a for about a six month period.We both are in relationships but we dearly miss each other. When we broke up it was confusing but we left on good terms. When he reached out to me six months ago we were exclusively texting and phone calls here and there. He lives on one side of the country and im on the opposite end. He convinced me to meet up with him for a vacation. We spent a week together it was relaxing and nice. During the vacation he dropped hints of exclusivity but because of the way he asked and the time bedroom talk I did not take seriously then the next few days he went cold. The first night we were together he held me in a death grab literally the best way i can explain it, i couldn’t barely breathe the whole night. This was very sweet but I dint want to overthink. Next few nights nothing. Few days later he tried to tell me at dinner that we should no longer contact but he couldn’t even finish and said i should only contact him when needed bc blah blah . I went back to my side of the country and the texts where sparse i was the one contacting first hed reply but they were not as before I feel like he is sad I miss him and its now been 4 months not hearing from him. How do i get him back ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 17, 2020 at 9:17 pm

      Hey Amanda, so you have not spoken at all in 4 months? If not then you can reach out with a text that Chris suggests, this requires a little bit of work and thought on your part but you should get a response from one of those types of messages but it does take input from you to be prepare yourself and become the best version of yourself before reaching out to him

  11. Avatar

    Jill T Kemp

    January 14, 2020 at 12:03 am

    My x boyfriend broke up with me 1st of sept 2019. We first started dating in 2011. I had some insecure issues after my divorce of 25 yrs with an abusive husband so my x boyfriend would break up with me off and on the next 4 yrs. In 2015 until sept 2019 we were together without any breakups. Once he broke up with me it wasnt long like 4 weeks and he was dating a new woman. He talked to me occasiinally because i was having a hard time of letting him go. He told me she was insecure of me and was afraid he and i would get back together because of our history. He even unfriended me on facebook because she asked him too. Long story short they didnt date but a few times and they were history. He will not friend me back on FB. He has called me like he use too when we were in a relationship and now he has backed off again. He will answer my calls and will txt back usually. I feel something has changed. I never did the NC rule with him because i fight for the man i love and dont wont it to end. He has never told me he loved me ever in the 8 yrs we have been together. I love him he doesnt love me. Should i cut my loss , get myself together and pray a man that will love me will find me. Thanks so much

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 18, 2020 at 4:41 am

      Hey Jill I suggest you work on yourself for sometime, while spending a little longer in No Contact and then reach out with a text that Chris suggests when you feel that you are in a better place

  12. Avatar

    cherry

    November 16, 2019 at 11:51 pm

    my ex brokeup with me in may, ever since then we’d talk and then cut ties and talk and cut ties. ive made the mistake of drunk texting and begging and making myself look meedy and clingy multiple times but then i pulled back and stopped. he came back apologizing for the reasons why our relationship did not workout after he got into a rs that did not last long and one that broke his heart. i texted a while later and suggested being friends, we talked for sometime and then stopped talking. he ran into my friend and decided it was a good excuse to text me, we talked alot and then stopped talking. he texted again and it got sexual, twice. he asked me to attend a concert in another city with him and things were supposed to get heated up afterwards (we were supposed to hookup) at first if go with the flow and not set boundaries and i even agreed to the concert day plan. but then i reconsidered it and told him i wont go. he stopped contacting me and then one day i needed someone to talk to so i texted him, i did not get the energy i wanted, it did not sound like he cared. we havent talked ever since then but we have a snap streak. what do i do now? i really want to get him back. ps: i dont think he’s over the other girl and he’s a serial rebounder so i have to move quick and smart.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 19, 2019 at 10:48 pm

      Hey Cherry, so you need to show how you are the best he ever had (The Ungettable Girl) In doing so even if he does go on to meet someone new he is forever going to compare the new people to you, which in turn will draw him back to you. Read up about the being there method incase he does meet someone else but you also need to show how you are living your life and also hints that you could be dating someone casually too

  13. Avatar

    Bt

    November 11, 2019 at 6:13 pm

    My ex and I have been back in contact for a few weeks now. He’s tried to get really flirtatious with me. I haven’t gotten mad.. just played coy and such since we’re not together in that way anymore. Yesterday he started in on wanting to see pictures. I sent a picture of my face and said behave more or less and let’s talk about life. He goes on to talk how he’s tired of being single but thinks things will change soon. I say to him.. being single has helped me grow and learn and that I’m ready to take this new me and find what I’m looking for : connection, a family atmosphere for my children, etc.

    He stopped responding after that. I don’t think anything was wrong with what I said. I reiterated my change and growth and said I was looking for the same things he was pretty much. But clearly something there pushed him back… either he thought I was referring to him or is confused on how to feel? Jealous possibly?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 12, 2019 at 8:20 pm

      Hi BT, him pulling back may be fear of where the conversation was going to lead after you telling him you wanted a family (he would have taken that as in with him more than likely)

      Have you done a NC? Have you worked on yourself to become Ungettable? You need to do these things to get your ex to miss you and to worry about losing you for good. Read some more articles that apply to your situation, and remember when you talk to your ex you need to keep conversations light and positive until they are investing more into you than just texting

  14. Avatar

    Jen

    November 8, 2019 at 11:01 pm

    My ex and I re-established contact this week after I called him out on not sticking to his word (he was adamant that we stay friends). We’ve been texting back and forth but I never get more than 3 texts a day at this point, and some days nothing. I don’t have him on social media but is this normal? I’ve been trying to get him curious with my texts but I also never send more than one in a row.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 9, 2019 at 1:21 am

      Thats not bad going considering you have just broken up. I you only want to be friends then texting straight away is fine, if you want him back you need to do a No Contact first

  15. Avatar

    Ivy Grace Villalon

    August 29, 2019 at 11:39 pm

    Hi Chris, i give him a second chance to be together again but after a few months, he never contact me and he never blocked me on facebook. I thought is only a space he wanted even though he never told me but when the notication pop up, i saw him with another girl. I texted him and told him that why did he lied to me and cheated me but he never texted back until another few months, i texted him and break up with him and i will never ever texted or even call him and i told him to be happy and don’t cheat on her but again he never replied to me. But why did he not blocked me or unfriend me on facebook?

  16. Avatar

    Natalia

    August 22, 2019 at 7:30 pm

    Chris … I have been obsessed with your posts. I cannot stop reading them to find the answers that I want and with all due respect, they have helped me out so much.
    So I am in desperate need of help right now and can’t seem to find the answer to this. I feel as though I just be overthinking everything but I am unsure.
    I used the no contact rule on my ex and it worked like magic (I say this because I was the cliche woman messaging him for 2-3 months long paragraphs). I finally decided to try the NC rule. We started talking again last week. The response was so positive that we started speaking in more detail throughout the week. I was not displaying desperacy and was responding after few hours (ungettable, but was also busy with a wedding).
    It almost seemed like we were back to normal, messaging message after message, sharing details about our days and things like we use to before.
    He caught me off guard though because he stopped responding to my messages and was reading them. So I asked him if everything was okay. And he mentioned that everything was fine just that he was in zombie mode because of working double shifts.
    He shared a big milestone that happened to him just as we started talking again. He showed interest and complimented my photos.
    Upon him telling me that he was working double shifts, I let him breathe and told him it was alright and that he should catch up on sleep. So I let that be for a day. I messaged him again yesterday asking if he ended up catching up on sleep. He didn’t respond and he was never unresponsive. So I messaged toward the end of the night that I will just leave him alone because he seems to be ignoring me as a result, it also seems like he is playing a texting mind game.
    I am soooooooo lost and unsure of what to do. He read that message and hasn’t responded. So my take on this is to leave him be.
    He was invested in our conversations just three days ago and then a sudden change, so I am so lost.
    I do not want to seem desperate and keep messaging him. Please advice, I was to give him his space too and not over think things and that he prob has been working more double shifts because of a big milestone in his life that just happened.
    I have read your article about understanding where the person is coming from and maybe something big has happened and that is what I am taking from this but I would love some more insight on this, please.
    Thank you!

  17. Avatar

    Kelly

    July 15, 2019 at 11:42 am

    Hi Chris my ex and I reconnected a few weeks ago via texting n phone conversations then I went n caught up with him for the weekend just gone n then when I left I texted him and he text back but after that no contact what have I done wrong

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    Isabel-Maria

    June 22, 2019 at 12:09 am

    Hi Chris,
    Me and me ex broke up 2018 in october, we wasnt that long together only 5months, well first I text him saying that Im tired that we dont see eachover so often and he dont want to be with me, that he tell me, he didnt reply nothing at all, after few weeks, i text him after couple of drinks, and he told me he really likes me, but at the moment he have to many problems to deal with and is not fair on me. After this i agree and we over, but when 3 times more i send him jelous message, when drunk message so he block me, the problem here was that we work together so my recovery time took me way longer when usual as i seen him every day, when after 4months i heard gossip that he comeback to the mother of his child they been separed for almost 3years. So step away from him as much as i could and start my own life and activities to keep myself busy and so on, so after he suddenly unlblock me,( they didnt even last month together) but i didnt text him or so, so he find lame excuse to text me about work and when all of sudden we start slowly talk again, so i though everything goes well and all of sudden he stopped texting me,was even once he didnt reply to me at all, now i receive message unless is related to our work and is not very often, i dont text him either, because to be fair i dont understand what he wants, and i dont want expect more, when it could be, I would be honest i was trying hard to recover my life, but when im with someone else i still think about him, so i wouldnt mind to comeback because it was nice time with him and i was happy we had our ups and downs,but we never fight and always respect eachover, would i be honest i still love him. What would you suggest to me in this situation to have no contact rule is not so easy when you see eachover on daily basis or need to communicate because of work matters. Thank You
    Isabel

  19. Avatar

    Joan

    June 3, 2019 at 6:41 am

    My ex and I had been together for well over a decade but I left because of reasons and he announced on social media we were through. We broke up five months ago, I left our house which we bought. My items are still at the house. We started to message each other but now he just gives short replies or doesn’t answer me for days. I’m tired of these mind games. I haven’t seen him in 2 months. Should I go NC? I want to work things out with him but how can I when he blocks my attempts. I have asked to meet for dinner to discuss future plans of giving us another shot or just come collect my belongings from our house. He has not answered. A mature person would have said yes or no. Over all I want closure.

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    Radka Bilsakova

    April 23, 2019 at 5:47 am

    Hi…so my ex reached out to me 4 months after break up and we have been in touch for like 7 months in on/off period. We were going on dates and things were going well. But we ended up in fight 3 weeks ago. We talked about it afterwards and he said he wants to keep seeing me but he needs space and he will text me once he is ready to talk to me. 9 days later he texted me and he was nice and funny, we were texting the day after as well and and he said we could hang out next week. I was glad he initiated the contact. But then no reply. It has been 4 days and Idk what to do. Should I initiate no contact in case he replies soon or just continue talking and hanging out? I noticed before that whenever I ignored him he tried to get in touch with me and was more active. I want him back and I did everything you recommend in your book but I feel he takes me for granted and actually thinking if it wouldn’t be the best to give him the taste of loosing me. Whenever I am not available he seems interested but when I am he pulls away. He told me he is scared of commitment because of our past relationship

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