Having an ex boyfriend be hot and cold towards you can be very confusing. Often you’ll ask yourself why he is so hot and cold only to learn you have no idea.

Today I aim to provide the answers you are desperately seeking by taking real life hot and cold situations and dissecting them for you.

If you read this article in its entirety it is going to teach you why your ex boyfriend is being so hot and cold, what he really means when he goes cold and most importantly it is going to teach you exactly what to do if your ex gives you these kind of mixed signals.

Let’s begin!

Your Exes Hot And Cold Behavior… What He Does Vs. What He Really Means

For this article I thought it would be a good idea to do something I’ve never done before and take real life situations from my clients and dissect what an ex actually means when he goes cold.

Over 50 clients responded to my request each with unique hot and cold behaviors from their guys and I took that behavior and literally categorized them into groups that sounded similar.

In the end there were five total categories that I’d like to dissect here for you today.

  1. He says he loves you and then says he doesn’t have feelings for you anymore
  2. He consistently sends you positive text messages and then suddenly becomes unresponsive
  3. He continually makes plans to see you and then keeps finding excuses to cancel
  4. He talks about getting married only to claim he isn’t interested anymore
  5. The two of you slept together and he literally doesn’t respond to you afterwards

Basically what I am going to do is take each one of these hot and cold categories and explain exactly what is going through your ex boyfriends mind when he does these things.

However, before I jump in there is one thing I’d like to discuss with you and it does have to do with these five categories.

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First You Need To Understand Why Your Guy Is So Hot And Cold

When compiling my five categories and trying to dissect why an ex acts cold I noticed an interesting consistency among their behaviors.

It’s this idea of an internal conversation.

I’ve been doing this a long time and one thing I’ve learned in my decade of research is that all important decisions happen internally.

Sure, you can impress your ex with how you look or what you say but in the end it’s when they are left alone with that little voice in the back of their head that really seals the deal.

Think of it like this.

That little voice in the back of your exes mind isn’t on your side either. It’s always looking for what I like to refer to as the bigger and better deal.

Any little thing that it can pick at and use as a way to push you away it is going to take.

As we go through the five behaviors in this article I want you to pay attention to how often the reasoning behind an ex going cold is due to this internal conversation.

Hot And Cold Behavior #1: He Says He Loves You And Then Tells You He Doesn’t Have Feelings Anymore

This was without a doubt the most common hot and cold behavior I experienced in my research. Here is how it typically works.

You and your ex experience something exciting or happy together.

This leads him to say a statement like this,

I love you

I enjoy being around you so much

I don’t know what I’d do without you

I never want this to end

I love you more than I’ve loved anyone before

Obviously this leads you to believe that your ex is experiencing strong feelings for you.

Fast forward a few weeks and the two of you experience a breakdown or a massive fight which leads him to literally tell you one of the following.

I never loved you anyways

I don’t have feelings for you anymore

I don’t look at you that way

I don’t know how I feel about you

You get the gist.

It’s interesting.

One of my favorite success stories of all time literally experienced this during her breakup.

Notice how in the video she is referring to the fact that a lot of women experience this “narrative” from their ex boyfriends.

However, one thing she didn’t cover was exactly why an ex would say these contradictory things.

Well, that’s what I am here for.

What It Means When An Ex Acts This Way

You’ve heard that old adage,

When emotions run high, logic runs low

The explanation for this particular hot and cold behavior is going to rely on that quote quite a bit.

So, is it simply a function of your ex getting emotional and saying something he doesn’t mean.

Not exactly.

In my experience it really boils down to the impulsive nature of people in relationships. Everything becomes magnified which means seemingly insignificant things can become significant.

You’ll notice this hot and cold behavior coming during hot and cold moments.

I’ll give you an example.

If you are having a really great date with your ex and things are becoming exciting that is when you are likely to hear the,

“I love you”

Type phrases.

And if you and your ex get into a fight or something causes friction between the two of you then that is when you are likely to hear the,

“I never loved you”

Type phrases.

Do you get it?

Hot And Cold Behavior #2: He Sends You Positive Text Messages And Then Suddenly Becomes Unresponsive

By far the second most popular behavior occurred when my clients guys were hot and cold texting them.

So, what does this typically look like?

Let’s say that you are texting your ex boyfriend and he hits you with something like this.

Ultimately when receiving this text message you begin to believe that your ex is really enjoying his conversation with you.

It seems pretty plain, right?

And yet, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen women in this exact situation only to have their exes pull the rug out from under them and suddenly become unresponsive.

There’s a lot to unpack here so let’s get started.

What An Ex Becoming Unresponsive In Text Usually Means

Believe it or not but this is a situation I encounter a lot.

Generally speaking what this means is that the conversation with you is becoming boring.

Now, I can hear you getting your pitchforks ready but hear me out.

As human beings we all tend to be self interested.

In other words, we always want to do what is best for ourselves.

This bleeds into many aspects of our lives.

Especially conversations with people.

Time is our most valuable commodity and if at any point we feel like we are wasting our time talking to someone then we are going to quit doing it.

Here is my hypothesis for you.

Whenever your ex made the “I miss you..” statement your texting conversations were intriguing and interesting. However, somewhere along the way that stopped and they started boring him.

Hence, your ex becomes unresponsive.

I’ve literally done this to girls before in my life because I would think to myself,

This is too much of a hassle to continue having a conversation with this person.

It kind of sucks to hear about but it does definitely happen.

Hot And Cold Behavior #3: He Makes Plans To See You And Then Consistently Cancels

This was actually a hot and cold behavior that occurred to one of my clients a lot.

For close to three months everything was going great for her and then one day she calls me up very excited about the fact that her ex boyfriend finally asked her out on a date.

A few days later he cancels.

Of course, I get another call from her complaining about this but she holds on to hope because he did express interest in rescheduling.

A few days later go by and he cancels again.

Oh, but he does offer to reschedule of course.

And on and on the cycle goes.

So, what the heck is going on here?

It almost seems as if he is leading my client on, right?

Well, I actually have a lot to say about why this behavior occurs because I have done this exact thing to women before.

What This Behavior Really Means

When I was 22 years old I went on a date and it went really well.

  • She was good looking.
  • Our conversation was great.
  • Even my friends thought she would be perfect for me.

However, for whatever reason I just wasn’t feeling it. This ultimately led me to put her in this perpetual cycle of promising dates that would never occur.

Thinking back, I think it all boiled down to one moment.

I met this girl in one of my college classes.

She sat right in front of me and one day while we were listening to a lecture I happened to look over her shoulder and saw her writing a love not.

Naturally, me being a snoopy person I read a little bit of the letter and quickly determined that she was writing this letter to someone who was in jail and wasn’t going to be coming out for a year.

This told me a few interesting things about her.

  • She must have been in love with this jailbird
  • She is fine with dating someone in jail
  • She probably likes “bad boys”

This information immediately made me lose respect for her.

And once you learn information like this you can’t unlearn it.

So, even though she was pretty and had so much going for her I couldn’t quite get past what I knew about her,

I think this kind of thing happens a lot with exes.

Remember that internal voice I was talking about before?

Remember how I said it can latch on to one specific thought and just let that thought ruin things.

Well, that is exactly what happened to me in the story above and you are at a high risk of having it happen to you simply because you and your ex have a lot of history. There are a lot of memories for him to draw upon.

Hot And Cold Behavior #4: He Talks About Getting Married Only To Claim He Isn’t Interested Anymore

Interesting story here.

One of my clients actually told me that not only did her ex do this but he actually went house hunting with her only to claim it never even happened.

In other words, he went into a complete denial with regards to reality.

Now, that is the only time I’ve ever heard of this happening. What is more likely to happen is your ex to literally talk about getting married to you only to do a complete 180 a few days later.

Maybe I’m in the minority here but I never thought it was that big of a deal if your ex boyfriend tells you he wants to marry you.

Let me tell you a story.

I’m almost 30 years old now and when I think back to when I was 18 years old and in my first relationship I told that girl everything from,

I love you…

to

I’m going to marry you one day…

I was 18 and experiencing these strong feelings for the first time and had absolutely no clue on what kind of a commitment I was talking about.

I just said it because that is what you do in those circumstances when you get swept up in your emotions.

Nevertheless, let’s take an ex who actually takes marriage at its face value and means it when he says it.

What He Really Means When He Goes Cold Here

Put simply it means that you are going too fast too soon.

Seems cliche, right?

It’s not.

In case you didn’t know, I am a happily married man and absolutely love it.

However, there was a couple of points where I got “scared” and felt that we were moving too fast too soon.

Those two moments were,

  1. When I went apartment shopping with her for the first time
  2. When I purchased the engagement ring for her

I wouldn’t classify those moments as me getting “cold feet” because if it was me getting cold feet I wouldn’t have went through with things. However, I would classify those as moments that made me frightened because of how fast things were moving.

Notice the type of commitments attached to those things.

Apartment shopping means you will be potentially living with this person for a long time.

An engagement ring means you will be spending your life with this person.

HUGE commitments.

Having an ex go cold in instances like these are indicative of him freaking out because of how fast things are moving.

Hot And Cold Behavior #5: You Slept Together And He Doesn’t Respond To You Afterwards

It’s funny, I literally just filmed a video where I was talking about sleeping with an ex and why it’s probably not the best idea.

Here’s the thing.

I’ve been doing this for a very long time and one thing I’ve noticed is that usually when you sleep with an ex it doesn’t end up well.

In my article on The Ungettable Girl I make a pretty compelling case for men falling for women they can’t have.

And therein lies the big issue with sleeping with your ex.

Now, I get it.

I understand why you did it if you did sleep with your ex.

You are thinking that he is going to magically wake up and look at you in this new way.

However, it doesn’t quite work out that way.

What Him Going Cold Here Really Means

Remember what I said above about men falling for women they can’t have.

This is kind of the exact opposite of that, isn’t it?

The reason your ex suddenly disappears and wants nothing to do with you after you slept together is probably due to the fact that he got what he wanted from you.

Now, you may find that the opposite actually occurs and he texts you all the time but only wanting sex.

This is another behavior I see a lot among my clients.

What to Read Next

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36 thoughts on “What Your Ex Boyfriends Hot And Cold Behavior Really Means”

  1. Avatar

    Michelle

    May 7, 2020 at 6:09 am

    My x and I saw each other after 20 years. We still felt so excited and I felt for him as he was having life threatening surgery. Was all going great we were committing again and then when it came to us seeing each other again after few weeks talking most days, he just snapped at me for nothing and cancelled. We spent the the next weekend together but he went cold a few days before surgery and we were to have time together but then he was trying to get out of it being rude . He could of nicely said he couldn’t, but it was horrible. I tried to reach out after surgery , just to be there but he blocked me. Ignored any contact I made and now 18 months after I don’t know if he is alive or not. Why start up with me again and he chased me????. We were very much in love 20 years ago. The girlfriend after me died 18 years ago and he still talks about her. I wish I never saw him again as was a painful thing to go through . I wish you all the best every one of you with a hot and cold ex.

  2. Avatar

    B

    April 26, 2020 at 12:24 am

    If you’ve had positive contact with an ex for a month and then suddenly he goes quiet, should you dip back into NC? He never responded to my text a week ago, nor has he made any attempt to reach out. (I should also mention I’m still blocked on social media, despite having been in phone contact this past month).

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 1, 2020 at 8:26 pm

      Hi B, so if he pulls back then you need to ease of slightly and use one of the texts that you had used in the beginning of your texting phase

  3. Avatar

    Emi

    April 4, 2020 at 3:57 am

    My ex boyfriend broke up with me a little over a month ago because he was stressed with his work. We broke up amicably and he wanted to keep in touch with me.

    After 12 days of silence, he initiated contact with me. We exchanged a number of texts over the past weeks.

    One day he suddenly texted me a love song about someone who still loves an ex and wants an ex back.

    I was surprised because of the lyrics.. I thought he wanted to get back together with me so I proposed a call.

    Two days passed and he started a new conversation without responding to my previous text about the call..

    I don’t understand why he did that and what he is thinking….

  4. Avatar

    Brittany

    December 23, 2019 at 5:28 pm

    I don’t know what to do. My ex and I were together for 10 years we broke up a few weeks ago. He acts like we’re together around friends but not family. He was telling them we were together but when we talked alone he said just go with the flow we’re not back together yet. But then today he’s been so cold towards me…we have kids together so I can’t do the no contact. He said he wants nothing to change except our relationship status.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 23, 2019 at 7:02 pm

      Brittany, do a limited no contact and it doent matter if he wants nothing to change!! He ended your relationship give him a break up! He’s so smug “not back together yet” and expects you to do what he wants. What do you want?

  5. Avatar

    rachel

    October 31, 2019 at 11:24 pm

    Hello,

    I am working with my ex, we are with the same company. He is acting really strange. For so many times he got angry whenever he felt that I ignored him. Its really hard because I see him everyday, and I don’t know what to do, I don’t know how to act. If I ignore him he will get mad at me and now that I am being friendly and responsive, he is being hot and cold. Most of the time he is the one who reaches out to me,I only initiated contact to him like 2 times and because it is really important. And I’m doing that because I don’t want to be seen as needy, because this was one of the reasons we broke up.

    There was a time that he thought that I ignored him twice in a row which is not, I just felt really awkward to greet him at the office sometimes. He was really angry at me, I said sorry but he was really mad it took him the whole weekend ignoring me. On that Monday, when I said sorry again he was really cold and ignoring me so after a few days I gathered all my courage to greet him and smile. Since then he was so happy and smiling whenever he sees me. But it drives me crazy sometimes because in 5 days of the week that we see each other at the office he is acting hot and cold. As in it really changes like every other day! Its crazy!

    Example, last week he is acting “hot” he will message me at work, flirty, and all, then making jokes, I am acting cool about it, and laughing with him. Every time we bumped into each other he always smiles at me and sometimes touches me. His messages sometimes includes three kiss emojis (when we were together it means i love you). Last week he wished me a happy weekend and put 3 kiss emojis. Then this week he is acting really weird again, yesterday, he send me a message about my dress that I should wear a jacket and he did not reply, and today he didn’t message me at all. And ignored me today. These are the things that happened for these past 2 weeks, and he is being like this prior to these past two weeks as well. Imagine, every week he is being like this, I am so confused!

    I tried reading about mixed messages and hot and cold exes but I cant get the right explanation why he is acting this way. It seems like he has an on and off switch with him.

    Help!

    Thank you 🙂

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 9, 2019 at 12:28 am

      Hey, so the hot and cold situation is difficult emotionally so you will have to be patient if you want him back. I would suggest that you need to do a complete 30 day No Contact, at all. Even if he reaches out you need to ignore him. For those 30 days and then you start talking again as a friend and build it up slowly. The hot and cold behavior could be him struggling with his own feelings for you, the break up, the past and the current situation. So the calmer and less reaction you give to him when he is angry or cold to you the better.

  6. Avatar

    kathleen

    October 21, 2019 at 3:56 pm

    Hey im having issues at the moment with an ex
    He ended it with me due to a new job was giving him loads of stress and wasn’t sure a relathionship would work. We tried to talk about things but sadly it didn’t work and I went no contact. Since no contact his been hot and cold with me one minute all over me wants to meet then cold and cancels. IM SO CONFUSED. I even deleted his number blocked him and went on holiday and he reached out to me saying he missed me and said lets talk when im back. I tried to speak to him when I was back but he went cold again on me ignored me didn’t wanna talk. I felt it was abit rude and abit bipolar and just not fair on me so iv decided to delete his details again and go no contact.
    PLEASE HELP!!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 21, 2019 at 8:13 pm

      Hi Kathleen his hot and cold behavior he could be testing to see if youre still available to him. So ignore him for a solid 30 days and dont feel rude. Hes clearly not feeling rude when he does it to you. Then after 30 days text – do not meet up until you have been texting a while and had a few phone calls too

  7. Avatar

    Tabytha

    July 13, 2019 at 6:27 pm

    Hi Chris,
    My boyfriend and I dated for about 6 months and have been broken up for 6 months. I did the no contact rule about 2 months after we broke up, plus have been following your texting bible advice. We have texted every few weeks or so since then and he has always been very warm to me. I ran into his best friend at a bar last weekend. I didn’t ask about my ex but he told me all the updates on my ex: he moved and now lives in my city instead of an hour away, he’s still single and doesn’t go out much. I was with some male friends at the bar but not a date. However, it may have looked like a date. What was weird is my ex’s best friend left then returned again to only sit at the bar for 5 minutes and leave again. I thought he returned to get a view of who I was with so he could report back to my ex. I acted like I didn’t see that happen. His best friend’s behavior made me feel like my ex would welcome a text from me this week on his birthday. He responded almost immediately but for the first time since the breakup, he was not warm. Instead, he almost seemed angry and didn’t ask about me at all which is very unusual. I have been using social media with subtle posts to make it look like I’m dating, which I have been on a few dates. But my only goal is to get him back. I’ve been also showing how I’ve been working on myself to portray the UG image. I messaged him yesterday offering my extra ticket to something that I know would interest him, and that we didn’t even have to go together. He replied this morning saying he didn’t feel right taking the ticket that way and asked about his shirt that he left at my apartment “for me” 9 months ago. What is going through his mind? Is he trying to break all ties with me? Is he angry because he thinks I’m dating (which I was only doing to give him the sense of urgency). I don’t know what to do. Should I give up all hope? Everything Ive been doing for the last 6 months has been to get him back. And much of the time, my actions seemed to be doing the trick but then he would randomly stop replying to me. Please tell me what he is thinking and what my next step should be?

  8. Avatar

    Annoyed

    July 3, 2019 at 5:22 pm

    I bought your ebooks 2 years ago when I was enduring a nasty break up after 3 years. Fast forward to current, my said ex sent me a friend request and message on IG after 2 years of no contact whatsoever. The not-so-much rebound he had after me, recently broke up which is why the new account and got in contact with me. He had a habit of blocking me and unblocking me when he felt like engaging in conversation I told him why he is doing that when I don’t even reach out to him he stated “idk” I can tell he’s hurting through his break up but why bother me about it? He doesn’t go in detail but he tells me he has thought about me a lot and if I’m seeing anyone hope he’s treating me right etc. then randomly next day goes on a rant about what went wrong with our relationship and didn’t want to talk about it anymore when he didn’t even give me a chance to defend myself. He proceed to ask me questions about my life after him then had to leave which he decided to block me. Again. I don’t understand why he’s behaving this way. They only broke up 3 weeks ago and I’m being there for him if he confides in me, but he starts to get mad bringing up our past. I’m confused cause I care about him & wasn’t expecting him to surface. Let alone, what does he want. (I asked this, he said nothing really).

  9. Avatar

    Kera

    June 2, 2019 at 1:18 am

    My ex and I broke up a year ago after he became mistakenly convinced i had been dishonest, and for several months afterwards we would talk on and off, and he would alternate between a lot of angry behaviour and still showing feelings for me. Eventually, after almost a year and a few long periods of no contact, I began to make peace with the breakup and feel like I didn’t really want to get back together anymore.

    And then, a month ago, he suddenly decided he wanted to “rebuild” things between us and make peace. Suddenly started messaging me every day. If I didn’t reply within a few hours he would ask why I’m ignoring him. I’m currently away in another country but he said he wanted to take me out on a date when I get back. Got super super flirty. Told me he still has feelings for me and that he has tried to stop thinking about me over the last year but can’t.

    We started talking daily and my feelings for him started coming back. But then, he started fading. First,wanting to talk throughout the day turned into once a day. He started talking more and more about being “busy with work”. Our planned date went from a seemingly definite thing, to “maybe I might be away for work when you come back but its only a 2 hour train ride and I’ll do my best to make it work” to “I probably will be away when you come back and you cant come see me where i’ll be coz i’ll be working 15 hours a day”. He then started disappearing for days at a time. Now, he has just vanished for a week and his excuse is that he’s busy.

    I’m pretty upset coz I had started to get over him and he came back, reignited my feelings and now is just fading away. Our date is a month away and I don’t know if it’s still happening but I have a feeling he will make an excuse. I’m suddenly heartbroken over someone I thought I no longer wanted to be with.

    How do I stop this fade-out? How do I get the date to still happen?

  10. Avatar

    JM

    May 27, 2019 at 1:33 am

    Hi Chris,

    My ex and I were together for a little over 3 years and broke up last February. He was feeling insecure about certain things in his life (living situation, career etc) and was worried about “pulling me down with him”. It was particularly sad breakup as neither of us had cheated or lost feelings for each other. He tried to reach out within a week and I told him that I was giving him the space he asked for and to not reach out until he had something different to say. I followed the no contact rule to a t, eventually I blocked him on social media (about 3-4 months after) and was casually dating a different guy. Despite how sad it made me, I moved forward with other things in my life. Flash forward about 8 months after our breakup, he contacts me and wants to talk. I give him the benefit of the doubt and we meet up. He was super genuine and emotional (apologized a lot and even cried, something he doesn’t do). I walk away with a lot of feelings and we end up trying to be friends. We both admitted how much we missed each other etc. we start hanging out and talking occasionally (nothing physical happens but there’s still a spark). After about 3 months of this, he tells me that he still hasn’t changed and is worried that he won’t be able to keep up with me and it’s hard for him to see me in person and see how happy I am (on social media). So we “break up” (if we can call it that) once again and he’s super sad about it (all three years we were together I only saw him cry once, when we broke up the first time). I could tell that he missed me and wanted me in his life but wasn’t at a good place for that. Flash forward about five months (no contact this whole time minus an email I sent about something work related, we don’t work together but did a project together years ago), I had a very vivid dream a few weeks ago and saw him less than 48 hrs later while driving. I know he saw me but I played it off like I didn’t see him. I creeped on his ig and saw a suggestive post a few days after (a picture similar to one I would post with a pretty deep caption, unlike him). And idk what to do. Is there a chance? The quiz on here said 83% because he was very positive towards me when we reconnected but once again it was a sad break, nothing anger or hate fueled

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 27, 2019 at 8:34 pm

      I think you would benefit if you were implementing my Program. It already seems there are some positive vibes

  11. Avatar

    Alyssa

    May 10, 2019 at 1:36 pm

    Hi Chris,

    My ex and I were friends for years, dated for for 2 years and lived together the entire time. It was a really rocky relationship due to my ex losing his father and taking his drinking to an extreme and taking it out on me. There was other issues as well but that’s the main thing that caused the break. We’ve been broken up for 2 months and I successfully completed NC for 24 days. He ended up reaching out to me, for a question he could have figured out himself but nonetheless it helped us start taking again. We hung out twice, I slept over his house and we texted for a few days. Everything was great until he just randomly blocked me for no reason. He still texts me telling me he wants me even though I’m blocked and I can’t respond back to him. I also recently found out he has a girlfriend for the last 1.5 months who has the same name as me and everyone keeps telling me that’s why he texts me because he’s confusing the two of us. I don’t know what do anymore. How did we have such a great time to him blocking me because he realized I was a “mistake” but still texts me and he has a girlfriend!

  12. Avatar

    Monique Martinez

    May 7, 2019 at 5:22 pm

    I am so confused. Maybe I shouldn’t be. We have dated for about 2 yrs, live togeheter. I thought my boyfriend and I were happy. I never said i was unhappy but about 2-3 weeks ago he was telling me that he wanted us to be more affectionate. So for a week we really worked on showing more affection towards one another. Everything was great, or it felt lik it. So then he started acting like something was bothering him, i asked and he said that he didnt know how he felt about us and me. I told him well lets start dating again and we both will make an effort to work on things, he agreed said he loved me. The next day he said he didnt feel the same way I felt about him and he broke up with me. He said he was unhappy, which was news to me, he never once communicated this with me. I tried doing the NC for a few days, then since we lived together he showed up and it broke me. I have not contacted him for about 2 days now. I asked him the day he showed up via text if hes happy now he said ” I think I am happy bc i was stressing on what we had and how i didnt feel how i should and i was bringing myself down. it wasnt so much you, it was me. And now i dont have to wonder and question myself anymore.” Grant it we broke up 2.5 weeks ago, and he left the apt for almost 1 week now. I am just not sure waht is going on, I feel like it’s not all just me. It didn’t end well but of course i felt confused and wanted to know why and how, and if we can work on things. Im not sure what to do now.

  13. Avatar

    Taylor

    April 24, 2019 at 7:46 pm

    Hi Chris, I just submitted a reply and included my last name. Is there any way to remove that from your site? Please!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 25, 2019 at 12:26 am

      Hi Taylor…no worries. I have deleted it. Best of luck in your efforts going forward. There is a ton of resources on my site. My 486 page ebook (EBR PRO) is probably the best way to wrap you head around how to approach things.

  14. Avatar

    Yvonne Nguyen

    April 17, 2019 at 9:41 am

    Your blogs are really awesome. O really like it and they are extremely useful! I wanna ask you my situation.
    My ex and me are classmate. We broke up unhappily. We havenot talked to each other for 15 days, then now he has moved up and has a new girlfriend, who sitting next to me. I was awkward, embarrassed cause it’s too soon for us to begin again. Even his new girl is sitting next to me. Wanna hear from you the advises to cope with it. I wanna make him regret leaving me

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 17, 2019 at 2:05 pm

      Thanks Yvonne….Consider rolling with No Contact for a while longer

  15. Avatar

    Gypsy

    April 7, 2019 at 11:33 pm

    How should I handle this situation?
    Married 12 years. Caught him online cheating. I asked him to move out. He did and has been in the online relationship (never met) for 2 years. He wouldn’t sign the divorce papers. During this 2 years it has been back and forth. We have a great day or weekend together and I think we may be reconciling and then silence for days.

    He finally signed the divorce papers after me pretty much forcing him to. Now he is back to being all nice acting like we’re still married.

    I feel like I’ve waited long enough. If he wants to reconcile, then he needs to end the online affair and try or he needs to just leave me alone for good so I can move on.

  16. Avatar

    Candace

    April 4, 2019 at 11:40 pm

    You said in the video that there is more merit if he said he doesn’t want you back after a lot of time has passed. What is considered a lot of time??? It has been almost three weeks since he moved out, is that a lot of time? The unfortunate part in my scenario is we own a home and all assets together so have had to talk. I initially tried to win him back but as of the past week, only contact on finances etc. I still hope he comes back but what is a lot of time. As of yesterday he told me how amazing and strong I am and how amazing I look but he doesn’t feel anything else. I think it’s a front, so what is a lot of time?

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    Emily

    January 18, 2019 at 5:58 pm

    This is great but I really wish it made suggestions on how to handle it best or what to do to fix it.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 18, 2019 at 8:20 pm

      It all comes back to creating value and attraction or reinforcing it and that is a process accomplished through many tactics and also the effect time has on the male psyche.

  18. Avatar

    Siobhan

    January 16, 2019 at 3:17 am

    Hi Chris,

    Ex and I dated for 3.5 years, lived together the past 5 months. He broke up with me in August of this past year, but we got back together after a week because he said he’d made the wrong decision and was just unhappy with himself. We move in together, and all is well. Then on January 1st (a great way to start the new year) he tells me he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me anymore. We both move out of the apartment and are living separately.

    I am day 3/21 into NC and I just have a lot of worries and a lot of doubt. He has said he loves me, but he doesn’t want to fix our relationship (there were never any major problems, just some tension and things like that), but that he is “open to having his mind changed about that in the future”. Says he wants to take this time to make himself a better person, and to focus on his passions and goals. When he broke up with me, he said he wasn’t going to actively look for anyone else or download Tinder. I found out a few days later that he is already pursuing another girl (not a relationship, just some flirting I think) and has downloaded Tinder.

    Also, today he removed pics of us from his SM, but also randomly visited me at work to say hi.

    Super mixed signals going on kind of all over the place.

    Any guidance?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 16, 2019 at 4:00 am

      Hi Siobhan…I know….those mixed signals can be confusing. But keep you focus on your recovery and healing and doing those things I talk about in my Program. I think you ex is caught up in between feelings and needs to find himself and also realize he has taken your value for granted. This can come in time.

  19. Avatar

    Michelle

    December 29, 2018 at 4:47 am

    Hi Chris,
    I have no idea what to do anymore. He is incredibly hot and cold and he is my bf. I was away last week for 5 days and after 2 days he breaks up with me saying never contact me again, we aren’t meant to be, being extremely cold. Then the next day calling me a bunch of times saying please I need help coping and when I answer him it’s like nothing is wrong. He’s like I acted that way because I didn’t see you for a couple of days and when I brought it up it was like he was just kidding. Then after he’s so lovey dovey for 2 days saying how much he loves and misses me and how god put me on this earth for him. Its been a week and he’s back to his grumpy, depressed, unsure self. I am scared to do a full no contact because the situation is a little complicated in the fact that he is debating whether to move back to Australia or not and within the next couple of weeks. I think I am just holding on for a couple of more weeks because he got laid off in October and he starts his job again soon. That is where all of our problems started. Everything was great up until then and now there’s so many things in the way like his ex who lives in Australia, he has a house there with her that is being fixed up to sell so that is stressing him out. He is super depressed and hates living in new York. Always wants to be alone and needing space. I can definitely tell that he is becoming more distant. He has broken up with me so many times in the past 2 months. All of this back and forth is driving me insane. I love him so much but I don’t know what to do besides no contact (which i’m holding off on because I’m afraid he will leave). He weirdly blocked me on Instagram last week and for some reason he won’t unblock me. Not sure if it has to do with his ex or not but the whole situation is so bizarre. It’s like we are good for a few days and then he goes to work, sits in his truck and just gets in his head so much. What is the best piece of advice for my situation? Thank you!

  20. Avatar

    Erica

    December 28, 2018 at 2:00 pm

    Thank you for your quick answer Chris.
    Yes, I understand but… I miss him and I know we could use another chance. While building rapport he talked about our connection and the sparkle being still there, he even told me that I still made him happy. But whenever he got closer, he took a step back, even if I always acted cool in order to not “scare” him off. He was like holding himself back. This is why I need to keep fighting but… I don’t know what to do. I try to supercharge my inner UG but I don’t even know if he is paying attention to my social media and all…

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 29, 2018 at 2:22 am

      Hi again Erica!

      He probably will be paying attention…most guys do.

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