What do you think it means when an ex plays games with you?
Heck, what does “playing games” even refer to?
Well, today we are going to find out as I’m going to be diving into one of the more layered topics when it comes to exes, mixed signals.
The best part?
By the end of this article you are going to understand exactly why your ex is supposedly playing games and I’m not talking about just coming away from this with a list of reasons.
I’m talking about actually understanding the mental processes that took place in your exes mind to make them want to play games.
Why Your Ex Is Playing Games With You
There are three things that I’d like to talk to you about today.
You’re sitting there thinking,
Three things? That’s it?
But these three things are essentially going to answer the million dollar question of why your ex is supposedly playing games with you.
Here’s what they are.
- Understanding The Anatomy Of Playing Games
- Grasping The Fact That In Your Exes Mind They Aren’t Playing Games
- The Internal Narrative In Their Own Mind Causes Them To Play Games
Don’t be, I’m going to take care of everything for you.
All I ask is that you read this article from start to finish because if you skip around you are going to leave just as confused as when you started.
Part #1: Understanding The Anatomy Of Playing Games
Are you familiar with how plot twists work in stories?
Plot Twist: An unexpected development in a book, film, television program, etc.
But perhaps the thing people don’t quite grasp about plot twists is the fact that you generally need knowledge of how stories typically work.
Let’s look at the definition again.
An unexpected development in a book, film, television program, etc.
Unexpected implies that you have knowledge of what’s expected.
In other words, a plot twist is something that manages to subvert the expected causation of what is about to occur.
Think of it like this,
By now, we’ve seen a lot of romantic comedy movies.
Enough to know that something will keep the main couple apart only for them to come together in the end.
That’s the expected outcome based on our historical database of watching romantic comedy movies.
A plot twist can only occur when when we already have knowledge of what we think will happen only it doesn’t happen, something else does.
It’s kind of like the story comes to a crossroads and creates it’s own path,
This leads me to my ultimate point. Having an ex play games with you is nothing more than a plot twist.
The Anatomy Of Playing Games
What do you think we mean when we talk about “playing games?”
Well, it’s when your ex engages in a set of behaviors that lead you to believe one thing is going to happen when in fact the opposite does.
There are many ways to phrase this type of behavior.
- Playing games
- Being “Hot and Cold”
- Mixed Signals
You get the picture.
It’s essentially where your ex will tell you they love you and then treat you like someone they don’t love.
In other words, “playing games” is nothing more than a plot twist.
The unexpected occurs.
Now, the weird part is that the correlation doesn’t stop there.
In a story, a plot twist is designed to engage the reader/viewer.
It’s a way to take a story to cause us to invest more.
After all, it’s thrilling to be drawn in to a unique story.
In real life, we hate these kind of plot twists but as weird as it sounds it can actually cause us to invest more into the person giving them.
Look at your situation right now.
Do you think about your ex any less now that they are playing games?
Think about that.
Part #2: In Your Exes Mind They Aren’t Playing Games
This is where things get really wild.
Your ex is playing games with you and it’s killing you.
However, until this point of the article we’ve only talked about things from your perspective.
What if I were to tell you that from your exes perspective they aren’t playing games.
Every action they’ve taken makes perfect sense to them even if it doesn’t to you.
Now, since I’ve already started the story comparisons I’m going to continue by talking about villains.
Everyone always writes villains as these very evil people.
I don’t like that.
In fact, I think it’s a lot more effective for the story if the villain views themselves as the good guy because that is how real life works.
Probably the best example I’ve ever seen of this in a story is a Japanese manga story called Berserk.
The Villain Viewing Themselves As The Good Guy And Your Ex
I’m about to spoil a good portion of Berserk for you so if you don’t want to get spoiled skip to the next section.
Berserk is a medieval dark fantasy about one mans quest for revenge over someone named Griffith,
Now, the interesting thing about Griffith is he doesn’t look like a bad guy.
On the contrary, everything about him looks angelic and he has a lot of likable qualities.
To add another layer of complexity our protagonist looks kind of evil,
So, on the one hand you have Griffith who looks like the good guy but is actually the bad guy. On the other hand you have the protagonist who looks like the bad guy but is really the good guy.
Throughout the first part of the story these two form a deep friendship with each other and then something happens to where our protagonist decides that he has to leave and do his own thing for a while.
This act causes Griffith to do some risky things which ultimate leads to his demise where he is imprisoned, tortured and crippled for life.
Of course, when our hero hears about this he decides to come back and save Griffith.
He rounds up his old mercenary band (remember it’s the medieval times) and save Griffith where he ultimately succeeds.
Unfortunately, Griffith is crippled for life and it causes some emotional problems for a while until something strange happens.
Earlier in the story Griffith was marked by something called the “Crimson Behelit” or the “Egg of The King.”
It’s this really messed up looking red egg,
Now, this egg is only given to people who will ascend to eventually become a demon king.
Fate decrees that somehow, some way this egg will end up in Griffiths possession.
It does and triggers an eclipse,
Now, I’m not going to talk about this eclipse because I’m trying to keep things PG-13 but essentially in order to ascend and become a demon king Griffith willingly sacrifices all of his comrades and condemns his best friend, our hero, to a life of being hunted by demons.
It’s a despicable act but makes perfect sense for Griffith seeing as how he basically has no choice.
He’s crippled for life and will most likely die.
In other words, in his own mind he is the good guy.
What This Has To Do With Exes?
A lot of exes I encounter are like this.
In their own minds they don’t view themselves as tricking you or playing games.
Rather, they view themselves as improving their position.
Human beings are often defined by self interest.
We tend to do what we think is best for ourselves and no one else.
The sooner you wrap your head around that the better you’ll understand not just your ex but everyone else’s actions.
Of course, this still doesn’t explain why your ex is giving you all these mixed signals.
Part #3: The Internal Narrative In Their Minds Causes The Mixed Signals
You’ve probably heard me say this before but I’ll say it again,
The battle for getting your ex back doesn’t happen in what you say or do. Rather, it happens as your ex is left alone and has time to contemplate.
That internal narrative that debates whether or not they want to be with you is essential.
Most people struggle because the internal narrative in their exes head is actively winning the battle.
I’ll give you an example.
Let’s say that you and your ex go on a date and it’s amazing.
- You get them to open up to you.
- You hold hands
- You kiss
Things seem great.
Almost as if you are “this close” to getting back together.
And then your date ends and your ex is left alone and has time to contemplate.
Throughout this contemplation this internal narrative starts feeding doubts to them,
Eventually these doubts win out and you start to get the cold shoulder.
One minute things seem to be going so well and the next you can’t get ahold of them.
“Why are they playing these games?” you think to yourself.
Because of the internal narrative.
Why Wouldn’t Your Ex Just Tell You About The Internal Narrative?
This begs an interesting question.
Why wouldn’t your ex just tell you about what they are thinking.
You see my graphic up there, right?
What if I were to tell you that, that was the dumbed down version of internal narrative that I’ve had about an ex.
What if I were to tell you that the full narrative I was telling myself during a breakup was very crude.
Essentially what I am trying to say is that your ex probably thinks you can’t handle the truth so they will go to their grave with some of the thoughts they’ve had.
Of course, the next question you are probably sitting there and wondering is,
Can you overcome a negative internal narrative?
The answer is yes!
That’s why I’ve written an entire book on the subject.
Oh, and one of the things I talk about in that book is to always leave your ex wanting more.