What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

Let’s Find Out If Your Ex Boyfriend Is Playing Mind Games

Your confused about your ex boyfriend, huh?

I just want you to know that after a breakup this is completely normal.

No seriously…

As human beings we have this innate need to understand the opposite sex and since I am a member of the opposite sex (man) I feel I can accurately shed some light on my speices’ thoughts and actions.

Today we are going to be looking at one specific thing though.

Mind games.

Ok, I am going to throw out a hypothetical situation and I am going to use that hypothetical situation to explain how this article can help you.

Lets pretend that your ex boyfriend is playing mind games with you.

What exactly is a mind game?

Well, I will teach you that later but lets just assume that he is leading you on and making you think that he wants you back when he really doesn’t.

Ouch, right?

This can be especially painful if you actually do want him back.

So, here is how this article can help you if you find yourself in this “hypothetical situation.”

Obviously the burning question you are left wondering about is whether or not your ex boyfriend is playing a mind game with you just for the fun of it.

Well, this article will help you determine that but it’s not going to just stop there.

Nope, it is also going to teach you,

  • What a mind game is
  • Why an ex would play a mind games
  • What to do if your ex is playing mind games

In other words, I guess what I am saying is that I am attempting to write the most comprehensive article/guide on exes and mind games in the world.

Let’s get this party started!

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What Is A “Mind Game?”

mind games

Have you ever looked up the definition of a mind game before?

Did you even know there was a definition?

Well, I took the liberty of looking up the definition for you.

Mind Game- a series of deliberate actions or responses planned for psychological effect on another, typically for amusement or competitive advantage.

Lets take a moment to dissect this definition.

Mind Game- a series of deliberate actions or responses planned for psychological effect on another, typically for amusement or competitive advantage.

If a mind game is a series of DELIBERATE actions or responses that tells us that if an ex boyfriend is using mind games on you he is doing so on purpose.

In other words, any time he plays a mind game with you he is meaning to do it.


Well, I am going to go really in-depth into why a little bit later but for those of you who are very impatient you can turn to the second part of the definition.

Mind Game- a series of deliberate actions or responses planned for psychological effect on another, typically for amusement or competitive advantage.

This tells us that if an ex is playing mind games with you that he is doing it for his own amusement (which you will learn later is partly true) but he could also be doing it for a competitive advantage.

What do you think that means?

What competitive advantage would he need over you?

There are two ways to look at this.

The first way is the theory that someone always wins the breakup.

Are you aware of this theory?

Well, the premise of the theory goes like this.

When a couple breaks up there is always a winner and a loser.

  • The Winner = The man or woman who is happier/has a better life in the form of a big career change, a new person they date, etc
  • The Loser = The person who is depressed, gains a lot of weight and thinks their entire life is over.

By playing mind games with you your ex boyfriend could be thinking that he can get a competitive advantage over you if he gets you to fall for him again. In other words, he will declare himself “the winner.”

I know its a weird way of thinking but men are kind of weird like that sometimes.

So, that’s one way of looking at the competitive advantage.

The other way is far more interesting.

By playing mind games with you your ex boyfriend could be subconsciously trying to find a way to get back together with you.

You remember what your mother told you about boys when you were a child, right?

If they pick on you then it must mean they like you.

The same principle applies here with mind games.

You can almost look at it like a weird way of your ex boyfriend telling you that he still likes you.

You know what…

Before I go on any further lets just move on to the next section because the next section covers this in a really in-depth manner and I am having too much fun talking about the “why” behind mind games.

Why Your Ex Boyfriend Would Play Mind Games

why mind games

There is one word I want you to get very familiar with.

What’s the word?


Mind games, ex boyfriends and control go hand in hand.

Think about this for a second.

Right now you and your ex boyfriend are broken up. That means that your ex boyfriend has absolutely no control over the situation. So, what does he do to try to get control back?

He plays mind games!

So, what I have done below is compile a list of all the conceivable reasons I can think of that will cause an ex boyfriend to play mind games.

But before I get to that list there is something I need to make you aware of.

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Not All Mind Games Are Created Equal


Lets take a trip into fantasy world and pretend that two very attractive men have just broken up with you.

Both of these men are playing mind games on you but the intent behind the mind games are very different.

Man A in his heart wants you back but he isn’t going to invest time into trying to get you back unless he knows you feel the same about him. So what does he do? He gives you mixed signals on purpose to test your interest (a form of a mind game.)

Man B on the other hand has more devious plans for you.

What are the devious plans?

He wants sex…

So, he decides that the best way to get it is to play a mind game with you to fake you into believing that he is interested in a long term relationship with you when the truth is that he is much more interested in a friends with benefits situation.

You see the difference behind the intent of the mind games here.

Man A wants a long term relationship with you but isn’t sure you feel the same about him so he plays mind games to figure out the answer.

Man B just wants to “do” you and doesn’t care whether or not the two of you have a long term relationship.

Above I mentioned that I am going to be listing all the reasons I can think of for why an ex may play a mind game with you. Well, in addition to that I am going to be touching on the intent of the mind game.

For example, if I believe the intent behind the mind games has ties to him wanting to be back together with you I will label that reason as “GOOD.”

But if I suspect that the intent behind the mind game is for his own selfish reasons then I will label that reason as “BAD.”

Lets get started!

Reason #1: He Wants You Back

youll be back

There are some exes out there that will play mind games with you because at their heart they want you back.

Look, here is all you need to know about men.

We don’t like to spend all of our time tracking down an impossible goal.

What do I mean by that?

How many men do you see outside trying to fly around like Superman?

Not many…

Instead, my species is more interested in going after the goals that they know they can achieve which is where the mind games come in.

After a breakup most men think getting back with an ex is impossible. So, they look for a shred of hope anywhere they can find it before deciding to fully commit themselves to getting a woman back. Playing mind games with a woman is an excellent way to do this.


With a mind game you are trying to illicit a certain type of reaction.

Based on this reaction you can learn a few things.

Lets pretend that an ex boyfriend starts using mixed signals on you.

He makes you believe one thing and then when the time comes for him to step up and cement your belief he doesn’t do it.

Instead, he sits back and watches your reaction.

If you react very angrily then he will know that you really care about him and that you want your relationship with him to work out.

If you don’t react angrily then he will assume that you don’t care about your relationship with him.

All in all, if he is using a mind game because he wants you back then he is going to be studying how you react to certain things.

The Intent Verdict = GOOD

You are here because you want your ex boyfriend back, right?

Well, if he is using mind games for this reason then that is a very good sign.

Reason #2: To Feed His Ego

big ego

You remember what I said about control above, right?

Well, this reason ties directly into that.

Ok, hypothetical situation.

Your ex boyfriend starts playing mind games with you and you fall for them hook, line and sinker.

You start daydreaming about a happy life together with a white picket fence, long walks on the beach and a dozen little kids running around.

Your ex on the other hand has a more devious plan in his mind.

He decides that he wants to use you for his own emotional needs.

You see, he likes having you by his side because it gives him a sense of power and control.

He likes seeing you fawn after him because it makes him feel wanted and it makes him feel in control.

Oh, and lets not forget the fact that he likes having you around to listen to his problems because it makes him feel better and, yup, you guessed it, it makes him feel in control.

Are you seeing a trend here?

Breakups do a very weird thing to men. You see, throughout a relationship men like to feel a sense of control and when a breakup occurs they lose that control. So, in an effort to get it back they play mind games to manipulate women into meeting their emotional needs.

Oh, and if you don’t think that men do this I would like to tell you a little story.

This is the story of Rick.

Rick (not his real name) is a friend of mine who told me a story so chilling that it made me question my own species for a little bit.

So, Rick had this girlfriend and he loved her very much and for the most part their relationship was pretty nice. Of course, there was one little problem. Rick loved his girlfriend a little too much so in his mind he decided that the best way to feel safer in the relationship was to control everything she did.

Oh, and when I say everything I mean EVERYTHING.

Who she saw…

Where she went…

What she did…

Now, do you think Rick’s girlfriend took kindly to being controlled?

Absolutely not.

In fact, Rick became so controlling that his girlfriend decided to break up with him.

So, here you have Rick a man who for his entire relationship with his girlfriend had full control over everything suddenly losing that control.

He was devastated.

So, like all manipulative b#$tards out there Rick devised a plan to get his girlfriend back through mind games.

He would make her believe that he had turned over a new leaf when the truth was that he hadn’t. He painted this picture for her of a perfect life together and like most women who are in a vulnerable state she fell for it.

Rick got control back.

He felt safe again.

But perhaps most frightening was the fact that he developed a god complex.

“If I can get her back after this then I can get away with anything.”

All in all, by successfully using mind games on his ex Rick had fed his ego so much that he thought he was some sort of god.

So, what’s the verdict here?

If an ex plays mind games for this reason is it a good sign or a bad sign?

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The Intent Verdict = BAD

Look, there are mind games with good intent and mind games with bad intent.

No matter which way you slice it this is not a mind game with good intent.

Reason #3: To Get Sex


I am going to get personal here for a minute.

Ok, maybe not “that personal” but I am going to tell you a funny story from my past.

When I was 15 years old and pimply faced (totally was) I’ll admit that I thought about sex a lot.

I mean, I had never kissed a girl or hugged a girl (outside of my mother) for that matter. So, the idea of having sex with a member of the opposite sex seemed like a stretch.

And what have I taught you about men?

They want what they don’t have, right?

Well, I definitely didn’t have sex and as a result like all pimply faced teenaged boys I wanted it.

(Side Note: Totally wish I had met my wife in High School but perhaps it’s best I didn’t because I don’t think I would have had a chance with her then.)

Anyways, I digress…

With that “want” came a certain amount of embarrassment.

Why was I embarrassed?

Because I literally thought that I thought about sex way too much and that there was something wrong with me.

That was until I met my friend… lets just call him “Fly.”

He verbalized everything I had ever thought about sex and made no apologies about it.

If I was an 8 on the “I want to have sex” scale then he was definitely a 10.

This was interesting to me because it was a weird way of the universe telling me that I wasn’t the only man in the world who wanted sex.

Turns out that as I have gotten older and met more and more members of my species this universal truth hasn’t changed.

In fact, some men want sex so bad that they will be willing to do anything to get it. That’s where the mind games come into play.

I am just telling you this right now so you hear it from me.


They will tell you what you want to hear…

Buy you want you want to have…

Go above and beyond for you…

Just for that one feeling of being inside you.

So, if you are sitting there wondering if your ex would use a mind game to get sex from you. Well, all I will say is this. He is absolutely capable of it.

The Intent Verdict = BAD

Come on…

How is this even a question?

Common Mind Games An Ex Boyfriend Will Play On You

when you see it

Now that you have a deeper understanding of why an ex boyfriend would play mind games with you lets turn our attention to the type of mind games he might play.

I think it goes without saying that there are thousands of mind games that an ex could potentially play on you if he wanted. So, in an effort to make this comprehensive yet readable I am just going to list out the most common type of mind games I am seeing out there.

Sound good?

Ok, lets get started.

Mind Game #1: Conversation Ghosting

ghost meme

Have you heard of this phenomenon of “ghosting” before?

Apparently it is making the rounds across social media and becoming very popular with every passing day.

Ghosting basically describes a breakup phenomenon.

Typically when you break up with someone you take them to a nice park bench, sit down and calmly explain to them that you don’t want the relationship to continue.

Ghosting is a lot meaner than that.

It’s essentially a permanent NC rule that starts while you are in the relationship with someone. It serves as the ultimate way of breaking up with someone.

Let me give you an example.

Rebecca and Dave are a really cute couple but after a few years together Dave isn’t really feeling it anymore. Internally he comes to a decision that he is going to break up with Rebecca but he is a little scared to have the breakup talk with her. So, he decides to do ghosting instead. In other words, he just stops responding to her text messages, phone calls or pleas to meet up and talk about things in person. The idea behind ghosting is that the person who is being ghosted will get the hint and realize that things are over.

So, that’s ghosting.

BUT that is not what I am going to be talking about with regards to mind games.

When it comes to ghosting and mind games with an ex there is a specific tactic that I am seeing more and more ex boyfriends use on their ex girlfriends.

I like to call this tactic “conversation ghosting.”

What Is Conversation Ghosting?

Imagine that you and your ex boyfriend at having an amazing texting conversation.

texting convo

Just pretend that the texts go on and on like this for a good hour.

Anyways, when the conversation ends your ex doesn’t respond to your messages or doesn’t make any attempt to reach out on his own for the next week or so.

“What the heck is going on? Did I do something wrong?” you think to yourself.

Your ex has successfully ghosted himself out of having conversations with you.

So, what is going on here?

What is going through his mind?

Well, if he is using conversation ghosting as a mind game then he is watching you very carefully to see how you react. He is trying to guage how much you are into him.

That’s fine… we can work with that.

What I would like to do now is teach you what to do if your ex is using this mind game on you.

What To Do If Your Ex Uses Conversation Ghosting On You

If you have determined that your ex has used conversation ghosting on you then you have one task.

The Task = Getting Your Ex To Respond To You

Off the top of my head there are a million ways to accomplish this task but I certainly don’t have the time or patience to list a million ways out for you so I am going to give you my best way. Lets think about the context here for a moment.

You and your ex have had amazing conversations through text messages very recently and then all of a sudden he drops off the face of the earth.

If he is indeed playing a mind game then we know that at this moment he is sitting on the sidelines waiting to see how you react.

So, we are going to give him a reaction.

And this reaction is going to make him forget all his silly little mind games and respond to you right away.

I would like to introduce you to a little something I like to call, the “I have a confession…” text.

The way this text works is rather simple.


You send this text message to your ex and then the idea of you having a confession to make to them is to enticing for them to sit on the sidelines and keep playing the ghosting mind game.

Ah, but here is where things get interesting.

What do you do if he responds?

What should the confession be?

Well, you don’t want it to be anything that damages the progress you are making with him. Instead, you want your confession to be positive.


How about something like this.

confession 2

Do you see how something scary like a confession can turn into a positive thing if you tie it in the right way?

Once you get your ex to respond to this text then you then you are free to continue the conversation because you broke his mind game!

Lets look at another popular mind game I am seeing men use on women.

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Mind Game #2: Never Texting First… EVER


This is a fun little game that men like to play.

But before I get into that I need to talk a little bit about the “unwritten rules of texting.”

You see, when it comes to texting in general there are a few unwritten rules at play. Arguably at the top of that list is the idea that whoever texts the other person first loses ground. In other words, the party that expresses the most interest in the other person up front loses “the game.”

It’s weird when you think about it, isn’t it?

I mean, when it comes to relationships the game should be about communication but instead it’s all about who likes who the most up front and whoever likes the other person the most tends to be the chaser (which is ironically what you want men to do to you.)

Anyways, now that you have an idea of one of the “unwritten rules of texting” lets turn our attention to how it comes into play during a break up.

I think the best way to illustrate what I am about to teach you is to tell you a little story about how I (a man) reacted after a breakup.

During my first ever break up with a member of the opposite species I handled things a bit… immaturely.

The immediate thing that comes to mind is the idea that I was not going to talk to her at all until she texted me first.



I wanted to make her feel as bad as I was feeling.

So, for the next week or so I was determined not to text her first and sure enough by the end of that week she ended up texting me.

My point in telling you this story is to explain that after a breakup it is highly likely that your ex boyfriend could be thinking to himself,

“I am going to make her text me first.”

Now, having the discipline to actually not text your ex first is challenging for most of the men out there.

Not Texting First Even When You Reach Out First

Hypothetical situation.

Lets pretend that you and your ex went through a breakup about a week ago and your boyfriend is determined to not be the one to text you first.

Now, lets say that you disregard my advice on the no contact rule found in my Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO System. Instead you decide to reach out to him first and to your surprise you have a decent conversation with him.

So, this trend continues for the next month or so and you continually notice that you are the one that always has to text him first.

In this hypothetical situation your ex has made a conscious decision to talk to you but only under the pretense that you text him first.

You will find that this is actually quite common with exes.


My theory revolves around my own experience (because I actually did do this to my ex.)

When I said to myself,

“I am going to make her text first”

What I was really thinking on a deeper level was I know this is going to annoy her and I want revenge for the way I am feeling right now.

In other words, the purpose of this mind game is to get back at you for the way your ex feels right now.

But what are you supposed to do if your ex is playing this mind game on you?

How do you right the ship?

What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Will NEVER Text You First

Ok, before I start teaching you anything I do have a little bit of a disclaimer to throw out there.

In order for what I am about to say to fully work you need to accept the fact that your ex is probably not going to text you first for a little while but that doesn’t mean you can’t make progress with regards to getting him back.

Are you aware of the idea of a 50/50 split?

In short, it’s this idea that when you and your ex text you will send 50% of the text messages and he will send 50% of the text messages. Well, this idea of a 50/50 split applies to who texts who first as well.

In other words, in a perfect world you will start conversations 50% of the time and he will start conversations 50% of the time.

Now, here is my question to you.

Do we live in a perfect world?


Thus, having the ability to achieve a 50/50 split when it comes to conversation starters is often very challenging.

Does that mean it can’t be done?

I didn’t say that.

In fact, it is very possible to take an ex who thinks to himself,

“I am not texting her first.”

And eventually get him to throw his internal rules out the window.

But how do we go about doing that?

How can we achieve at least a 50/50 split when it comes to starting conversations?

Like anything there are a few factors at play here.

I am going to take a moment to go over those now.

Factor #1- YOUR Ability To Do No Contact

The no contact rule is probably the most popular strategy for getting an ex back and there is a reason why.

It lets time go by without any contact with your ex… a lot of time.

I already explained that your exes motivation for making a pact with himself that he won’t text you first revolves around revenge for the way he is feeling. Well, he isn’t going to get his revenge if you don’t actually contact him at all.

The no contact rule, especially after a breakup, is perfect for expediting the process of him throwing his pact out the window.

Factor #2- The Quality Of Your Conversations

Person A and Person B dated Person C.

After their breakups with Person C, Person A and B never received a text from Person C to start a conversation. Instead, it was left up to them to start the conversations.

When Person A started a conversation with Person C the conversation they had was amazing and left Person C with a really good aftertaste.

When Person B started a conversation with Person C the conversation they had was horrible. It fell flat in every imaginable way and left Person C with a bad aftertaste.

Now let me ask you something.

If Person C was going to start a conversation first which person do you think they would be more likely to start it with?

A or B?

Person A of course!

Whether you like it or not the quality of conversations that you have with your ex often has a direct correlation to having them text you first.

Mind Game #3: He Talks About Other Women

wonder woman no you didn

This fun little mind game is one that an ex boyfriend can play either through text messages, on the phone or in person.

What’s the mind game?

Talking about other women in front of you.

Or more specifically, talking about what he would like to do to other women while he is in your presence.


Perhaps I should give this one a hypothetical situation to illustrate my point.

Ok, lets say that you and your ex boyfriend have just started talking again and things seem to be going pretty well for the two of you. You think to yourself,

“Wow, I think a reconciliation is possible.”

In other words, you really feel you have a great chance of pulling this off. That is until he starts talking about other women.

It just so happens that the two of you are out for a cup of coffee when a very beautiful woman walks by your table and you catch him staring at her as she walks by. Picture this,

man staring at girl

What he says next after he sees the woman is a shock even to you.

“Mmm… you don’t want to know what I’d do to her if we were alone in a room together.”

So, is this a mind game or is this just an ex boyfriend feeling super comfortable enough to share the inner workings of his brain with you?

Well, I can’t speak for your ex but I can speak for myself and I can tell you that any time I have ever done something remotely close to this it has been a weird form of a mind game.


Because I know how jealousy works.

Lets do something unheard of and take a look at things from your exes perspective.

The universal truth about all men is the fact that we love to feel wanted by members of the opposite sex. This innate need to feel wanted can make us do some pretty strange things like talk about other women in an effort to make other women jealous and react in a way that will make us feel wanted.

And therein lies the “why” of this mind game.

It’s a ploy to make you jealous and ultimately make you react in a way that will a man feel wanted.

Now, what do you do if this happens to you?

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What To Do If Your Ex Starts Talking About Other Women To Make You Jealous

What’s your first reaction when an ex starts talking about “pounding another woman?”

It’s to get in a fight with him isn’t it?

What’s your second reaction?

To get revenge on him probably.

Neither one of these is a good idea.

If you get in a fight with him over his behavior you will essentially be letting him know that what he is doing is bothering you and ultimately feed his ego.

As for the revenge…

Wouldn’t it be great that after his comment about “doing another woman” while the two of you are together if you could get revenge on him by giving him a taste of his own medicine?

“Oh ya? Another girl, huh? Well, you see that guy over there? Yup, I would totally love to be on top of him.”

This is not a good idea for a number of reasons but at the top of that list is the fact that it is going to create a situation where your ex is going to think it’s ok to continually have these chats about other women with you.

Why would he feel that way?

Easy, because in his mind if you are saying it back to him he isn’t going to be hurt he is going to think that you have moved on and don’t mind his dirty thoughts about other women.

The last thing you want is to hear about his conquests every single day.

So, what do you do?

You are going to play a few mind games of your own.

What I would like you to do is to take a look at my article on seduction. We are going to give him a few mixed signals and make him believe that you are still into him and then you are just going to fall off the map for a bit.

You get him all excited about the idea of potentially “hooking up” and you leave him stranded.

Rinse and repeat.


Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter

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590 thoughts on “Let’s Find Out If Your Ex Boyfriend Is Playing Mind Games”

  1. Olive

    March 11, 2018 at 3:13 pm

    So my ex bf broke up with me in the worst way. He went MIA for my birthday and ghost for a week before I contacted him to ask him what is up, only for him to say he’s sorry he can’t be my bf and he never meant to hurt me and whatever nonsense. He then came later on to say it to my face and even asked to be friends. I told him he should just block me to which he refused and said he needs me in his life. Total tool. He was like wants to make it up to me over the weekend to which he did not and to top it all of he had texted me and I replied and then he was like ok. I went to the supermarket yesterday and we made eye contact and he just literally ran away lol. I honestly do not know what he wants. I am soo confused and so mad and frustrated. He wants friendship he’s sorry he Beebe meant to hurt me but like Rana away from the supermarket when he saw me? Plus he’s very much active on my social media. What is happening????

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 14, 2018 at 12:44 pm

      Hi Olive,

      He just said what you wanted to hear but basically, he’s broke up with you and now he’s avoiding you.

  2. Pippa

    March 1, 2018 at 5:42 pm

    Hi Amor

    It’s not just returning my keys and a few things – he has a bag of his things to collect from my place and I know he was driving his Dad to the airport yesterday, the only route bypasses where I live, it would literally be a 5 minute detour. I’m not bothered about anything except my keys – he knows that I really want them and I know that he was right near my place yesterday and could’ve given them back to me. This is really bugging me but I think I might have to deal with it at some later date and keep my focus on NC and improvement before I give in and contact him before I’m ready.

  3. Pippa

    February 28, 2018 at 9:27 pm

    When I say that we split up 2 years ago I mean that we previously split up 2 years ago and this time now is the second time we’ve split up – he ditched me by text 2 weeks ago and said he’d bring back my keys and anything else I’ve left ASAP but hasn’t. I’m in NC and don’t feel ready to speak to him or see him right now but suspect this is a ploy to make me contact him – or maybe it’s a way he can still be in control?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 1, 2018 at 2:08 pm

      Or he just doesn’t think about it because it’s not his things and that he’s more busy in his life right now..

  4. Pippa

    February 27, 2018 at 7:30 pm

    I’m 2 weeks into no contact, my ex was supposed to return my keys and pick up his stuff last week but didn’t – I thought maybe he meant this Tuesday but he didn’t come today either when I stayed out all day in order to avoid him. I wonder if he’s playing mind games with me, trying to make me contact him? I went straight into NC when we broke up and I don’t think he expected me to be so quiet but right now I really don’t want to see him. We split up 2 years ago and back then I ‘gnatted’ him but I’ve no intention of doing that now. I’m sick of seeing his bag of things hanging around and feel unable to relax or let my guard down at home. Has anyone else had this experience? Is it some kind of game?

  5. Teresa

    February 21, 2018 at 5:04 am

    Hi there!

    I’m really confused about my situation. Me and my ex are friends and he’s really sweet to me when we talk and sometimes we talk sweet to each other or joke around like when we were dating as if he still has feelings for me. Then suddenly out of nowhere he’ll friend zone me. And then the cycle repeats. I’ve read the articles here about the friend zone, but none of it has been helpful to my particular situation. I can’t tell if he’s playing mind games with me and stringing me along, or if I’m really just a friend and I’m reading too much into his behaviors and words. How do I figure this out? I don’t know what to do and I don’t want to get hurt.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 25, 2018 at 4:24 pm

      Hi Teresa,

      If he keeps doing it then he’s just stringing you along.. Have you done nc?

  6. Confused Lily

    February 2, 2018 at 9:23 am

    My ex and I both decided to go NC after our break up (he broke up with me). We didnt talk for a whole month and exactly on the 30th day, he sent a random message asking me if I’m in town and told me a bit about his life and then asked me when I’ll be back.
    I replied him and asked him a question. He didn’t reply me despite of being online all time.

    Why would he initiate the contract after a month of nc and then ignore me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 7, 2018 at 12:21 pm

      Hi Confused Lily,

      what did you mean that you both decided on nc? You agreed that you would not talk for a month? Has he replied by now?

  7. Emery

    January 25, 2018 at 8:13 am

    Okay ask my ex decides to contact me at 2 in the morning. He calls me 4 times and he texts me telling me he needs to ask me a question and that he wants an honest answer. I decide to reply till the next day, and he asks the most funniest/dumbest thing ever which was, “ how in the world do you have a two year anniversary?” I was so in shock because why would he go to that extent to make up such a lie since he clearly knows I am single and we have been up and down. I then tell him I don’t know what he is talking about. He then says you have a guy right?& I then tell him I don’t where you heard that from and that I don’t have a guy. and I told him I answered his question and then i told him good bye. He never replied back. I just don’t get why he would go to that extent to lie like that? I know him so well but I’m confused as to why he is doing that? Is it to get attention?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 25, 2018 at 9:26 pm

      yup, it’s to see if you’re going to reply.

  8. Ray

    January 9, 2018 at 12:11 am

    Hi, i’m sorry it’s long but you need a back story to understand the extent of this and for you to hopefully be able to answer my question from it, this guy isn’t really an ex but someone I used to speak too, my question is:

    Is this guy who I haven’t spoken too in months trying to play mind games with me to get back at me for/with revenge in some way?

    So basically I met this guy 2 years ago through friends that I was out with one night and after that night he messaged me (he always messaged me first I would never contact him at all). I didn’t know till the next day that he had a girlfriend at the time and I think he had been with her on and off for a year or 2, anyway we were talking but it was just normal conversation….at least it was for around 2 months.

    The conversation between us did change but I didn’t notice it at first, of course I felt bad because it was an emotional affair….that went on for 5-6 weeks. He wanted more on an intimate level and I told him no. I said to him I would rather us just go back to how we were and talk as friends. He agreed. Looking back I should of just stopped it there but emotions are a B****.
    I trusted my friends who kept telling me that he was indeed a sweet lovely guy….haha! That’s one of the lessons i’ve learned make your own opinions and judgements on people you meet. That’s the only reason I kept a connection with him, also that I believed I could see that in him too.

    Then not long after that I didn’t hear from him for 2 weeks (that would be the ghosting period) I thought at the time it was strange, I felt a bit upset which shocked me but I carried on my life as normal because why should I be upset he has a girlfriend I should just forget him and carry on with my life, the part I played in that emotional cheating was wrong. Then out of the blue he messaged me.
    I stupidly ended up having conversations again with him (normal ones) if he asked for anything more I would shut him down and tell him no.
    I found out then not long after he had been speaking to a mutual friend of ours and told them that he had been messaging me as a joke. So when he messaged me next I confronted him, I asked him if he said that and he lied to me (surprise). I ended the conversation and we didn’t speak again till he reached out to that mutual friend and that mutual friend told me he was upset about it all and that he didn’t mean it. We did end up speaking again after that (I’m pretty certain though that he used mind games or emotional blackmail on or through that mutual friend)

    It was about 4 months of conversations again and the same if he tried anything I’d tell him no and end it, but he would apologise after every time and still want a regular convo (I don’t know why). I still felt guilty cause he had a girlfriend and he would be showing his love for her for people to see but when he messaged me it was like he didn’t have a single care for her. I felt physically sick with it all and I think that was when I realised I had caught feelings for this D***.

    I was going through some very personal and emotional stuff at one point (that had nothing to do with him), but obviously the contact with him and my feeling of being so guilty and physically sick with all that contact with him while he was with his girlfriend added extra emotional baggage on me, I couldn’t take it no more so….I deleted him from my life…. with no warning to him…. nothing whatsoever. I instantly felt better for it and I actually thought he wouldn’t of noticed. Which of course he did. I don’t think he took it too well that I did that. I didn’t see or hear off him. Though he was still mentioned in passing conversation a few times by my friends.

    Recently his girlfriend had split up with him and I don’t think he has taken that well. Suddenly I have seen him around a few times now in passing and we have noticed each other but just ignored one another.
    He happened to have been in a place I was in with my friend (who he doesn’t know) and I was talking to my friend about this other friend who we shall call Mel*.
    He does know Mel and he knows that me and Mel are good friends. I was saying to my friend that me and Mel had been out recently and that we had fun and I was telling that friend all about it. He overheard this i’m sure because I could see he was listening in.
    A month later I went to visit my friend Mel for a bit and she came out and said that he had messaged her out of the blue a couple of weeks before I visited, which she found odd because he has never messaged her once at all in the 2 years he has known her. I said that was strange and told her he was a bit of an ass and to ignore him, she did.
    A week later after I had left hers and after she had posted a few photos that week of me and her together he messaged her again, she messaged me and said that he had randomly popped up again and that she is just going to ignore him.

    He has also been messaging another mutual friend of mine and his that he knows I am close too in the same way he used to message me. None of my friends know I ended up with these feelings for him over time.
    I am moving on but I can’t help but feel he is trying to play some sort of mind games with me now i’m not sure? I thought he would at least be trying this with his ex I don’t know maybe he is but I do feel that he is doing this on purpose popping up randomly every so often in my life, whether it’s through friends or the places I usually go. I have confided in one close friend (he don’t know) about it all and she thinks he is doing this on purpose.

    So…. is this guy who I haven’t spoken too in months trying to play mind games with me to get back at me for/with revenge in some way?
    I have a feeling he might be targeting me or trying to get a win over me because he couldn’t with his ex. Or am I just simply overreacting? Help please!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 10, 2018 at 8:19 pm

      Hi Ray,

      it looks like he sees you as a potential rebound or side chick because you’re always talking to him whenever he initiates.

  9. Jane

    December 25, 2017 at 5:56 pm

    Hi, I have a question. Couldn’t find anything about this in the website. My ex thinks and knows I’m the kind that will play psychological games to get what I want. So how can I use the no contact and everything you’ve talked about. I already did it once. Plus, he understands psychology better than me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 26, 2017 at 5:25 pm

      Hi Jane,

      How many days did you do nc and what did yoi say to him after that? How much did you improve and how active are you in posting?

  10. Joy

    October 22, 2017 at 12:15 am

    In a way I think he is doing mind games he doesn’t text first and he has actually said that he has thought he initiated the conversation first in some ways he has but I have usually started it off. But recently I have been trying to not to talk as much because it was clear to me right now he really just was space and time to himself and he has said that much and when we did break up he didn’t really state a reason just that was very depressed and have been for while and he needed to find himself but he never once said that he didn’t like me or that he and I do think didn’t want to be with me its just one week he said he we were stronger than ever then the next week he had gotten very low and wanted to break upheaval also said that wasn’t good enough for me. Right he is trying to keep himself really busy and run himself into the ground otherwise he will get depressed and lose motivation and in some ways I do think I did disappoint him and lose some of his trust when he needed me but the fact is I think we weren’t ready he had just come out of 6 year relationship where was engaged and 9 days later had gone into an relationship with me and I thought I was ready but I wasn’t and when he did break up he had said that much himself that he wasn’t ready. I think for the most part we did really get along never have many arguments until later in the relationship due me being childish and he was very tolerate of my behaviour but he still hadn’t opened up to be completely and wouldn’t probably because some things in his past have messed him but was fine would that I just wasn’t fine would not letting me in when he was depressed but I understand that he will do that when he is ready and he thinks that people cant handle when he is low but that is not true I never got dragged down by him when he was depressed and I would be there for him when he did open up but some of family issues did but a strain on our relationship thats why I believe I wasn’t ready and it wasn’t the right time and I wanted to believe was but I found things new and strange and wouldn’t always go with him to do things he wanted i like i wasn’t ready to open up myself to him but now I think we both need time to learn and grow and hopefully in the future have another shot at it in the future because are still young and I want to improve things about myself because I don’t like them myself and sort of my life that was part of the problem I did get frustrated with myself but you aren’t always going to perfect in relationship we are only human but I improve on some things for the better. The fact is I still want to part of his life even just little bit for but I accept that fact that he doesn’t want a relationship for the moment and the fact is I was the one asking to be his friend but I truly do believe Im not dependent on him I do realise he does have a busy life and I do want to make effort to regaining his trust in the future but Ive got to give it time and I do know Im not always the most patient of people but I do realise it is a slow process to regain someones trust that you have let down

  11. Arnav chopra

    October 21, 2017 at 3:59 pm

    Hi I’m gay….I was with a guy for 11 month. We had an on/off relationship during this period of time and he was the one who always made first move and start taking. We broke up its 4 months now and we didn’t spoke to eachoter. Now he dating few girls and busy with his phone all the time. He don’t talk to me and spend his time with his cousin brother. I’m ok with all this but his cousin made fun of me whenever they are together. It’s hurting me a lot….I spoke to him and asked him to stop his cousin but he sad he can’t do this during this conversation he trying to talk more. What it means…?
    I’m confused it’s hurting me, even I feel I love him but his activity hurting me he showing that he dont care about me.
    What I do please help

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 24, 2017 at 1:27 pm

      Hi Arnav,

      When did you last talk about what his cousin is doing to you? Is it in