Let’s Find Out If Your Ex Boyfriend Is Playing Mind Games

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

Your confused about your ex boyfriend, huh?

I just want you to know that after a breakup this is completely normal.

No seriously…

As human beings we have this innate need to understand the opposite sex and since I am a member of the opposite sex (man) I feel I can accurately shed some light on my speices’ thoughts and actions.

Today we are going to be looking at one specific thing though.

Mind games.

Ok, I am going to throw out a hypothetical situation and I am going to use that hypothetical situation to explain how this article can help you.

Lets pretend that your ex boyfriend is playing mind games with you.

What exactly is a mind game?

Well, I will teach you that later but lets just assume that he is leading you on and making you think that he wants you back when he really doesn’t.

Ouch, right?

This can be especially painful if you actually do want him back.

So, here is how this article can help you if you find yourself in this “hypothetical situation.”

Obviously the burning question you are left wondering about is whether or not your ex boyfriend is playing a mind game with you just for the fun of it.

Well, this article will help you determine that but it’s not going to just stop there.

Nope, it is also going to teach you,

  • What a mind game is
  • Why an ex would play a mind games
  • What to do if your ex is playing mind games

In other words, I guess what I am saying is that I am attempting to write the most comprehensive article/guide on exes and mind games in the world.

Let’s get this party started!

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What Is A “Mind Game?”

mind games

Have you ever looked up the definition of a mind game before?

Did you even know there was a definition?

Well, I took the liberty of looking up the definition for you.

Mind Game- a series of deliberate actions or responses planned for psychological effect on another, typically for amusement or competitive advantage.

Lets take a moment to dissect this definition.

Mind Game- a series of deliberate actions or responses planned for psychological effect on another, typically for amusement or competitive advantage.

If a mind game is a series of DELIBERATE actions or responses that tells us that if an ex boyfriend is using mind games on you he is doing so on purpose.

In other words, any time he plays a mind game with you he is meaning to do it.

Why?

Well, I am going to go really in-depth into why a little bit later but for those of you who are very impatient you can turn to the second part of the definition.

Mind Game- a series of deliberate actions or responses planned for psychological effect on another, typically for amusement or competitive advantage.

This tells us that if an ex is playing mind games with you that he is doing it for his own amusement (which you will learn later is partly true) but he could also be doing it for a competitive advantage.

What do you think that means?

What competitive advantage would he need over you?

There are two ways to look at this.

The first way is the theory that someone always wins the breakup.

Are you aware of this theory?

Well, the premise of the theory goes like this.

When a couple breaks up there is always a winner and a loser.

  • The Winner = The man or woman who is happier/has a better life in the form of a big career change, a new person they date, etc
  • The Loser = The person who is depressed, gains a lot of weight and thinks their entire life is over.

By playing mind games with you your ex boyfriend could be thinking that he can get a competitive advantage over you if he gets you to fall for him again. In other words, he will declare himself “the winner.”

I know its a weird way of thinking but men are kind of weird like that sometimes.

So, that’s one way of looking at the competitive advantage.

The other way is far more interesting.

By playing mind games with you your ex boyfriend could be subconsciously trying to find a way to get back together with you.

You remember what your mother told you about boys when you were a child, right?

If they pick on you then it must mean they like you.

The same principle applies here with mind games.

You can almost look at it like a weird way of your ex boyfriend telling you that he still likes you.

You know what…

Before I go on any further lets just move on to the next section because the next section covers this in a really in-depth manner and I am having too much fun talking about the “why” behind mind games.

Why Your Ex Boyfriend Would Play Mind Games

why mind games

There is one word I want you to get very familiar with.

What’s the word?

Control

Mind games, ex boyfriends and control go hand in hand.

Think about this for a second.

Right now you and your ex boyfriend are broken up. That means that your ex boyfriend has absolutely no control over the situation. So, what does he do to try to get control back?

He plays mind games!

So, what I have done below is compile a list of all the conceivable reasons I can think of that will cause an ex boyfriend to play mind games.

But before I get to that list there is something I need to make you aware of.

Not All Mind Games Are Created Equal

equal

Lets take a trip into fantasy world and pretend that two very attractive men have just broken up with you.

Both of these men are playing mind games on you but the intent behind the mind games are very different.

Man A in his heart wants you back but he isn’t going to invest time into trying to get you back unless he knows you feel the same about him. So what does he do? He gives you mixed signals on purpose to test your interest (a form of a mind game.)

Man B on the other hand has more devious plans for you.

What are the devious plans?

He wants sex…

So, he decides that the best way to get it is to play a mind game with you to fake you into believing that he is interested in a long term relationship with you when the truth is that he is much more interested in a friends with benefits situation.

You see the difference behind the intent of the mind games here.

Man A wants a long term relationship with you but isn’t sure you feel the same about him so he plays mind games to figure out the answer.

Man B just wants to “do” you and doesn’t care whether or not the two of you have a long term relationship.

Above I mentioned that I am going to be listing all the reasons I can think of for why an ex may play a mind game with you. Well, in addition to that I am going to be touching on the intent of the mind game.

For example, if I believe the intent behind the mind games has ties to him wanting to be back together with you I will label that reason as “GOOD.”

But if I suspect that the intent behind the mind game is for his own selfish reasons then I will label that reason as “BAD.”

Lets get started!

Reason #1: He Wants You Back

youll be back

There are some exes out there that will play mind games with you because at their heart they want you back.

Look, here is all you need to know about men.

We don’t like to spend all of our time tracking down an impossible goal.

What do I mean by that?

How many men do you see outside trying to fly around like Superman?

Not many…

Instead, my species is more interested in going after the goals that they know they can achieve which is where the mind games come in.

After a breakup most men think getting back with an ex is impossible. So, they look for a shred of hope anywhere they can find it before deciding to fully commit themselves to getting a woman back. Playing mind games with a woman is an excellent way to do this.

Why?

With a mind game you are trying to illicit a certain type of reaction.

Based on this reaction you can learn a few things.

Lets pretend that an ex boyfriend starts using mixed signals on you.

He makes you believe one thing and then when the time comes for him to step up and cement your belief he doesn’t do it.

Instead, he sits back and watches your reaction.

If you react very angrily then he will know that you really care about him and that you want your relationship with him to work out.

If you don’t react angrily then he will assume that you don’t care about your relationship with him.

All in all, if he is using a mind game because he wants you back then he is going to be studying how you react to certain things.

The Intent Verdict = GOOD

You are here because you want your ex boyfriend back, right?

Well, if he is using mind games for this reason then that is a very good sign.

Reason #2: To Feed His Ego

big ego

You remember what I said about control above, right?

Well, this reason ties directly into that.

Ok, hypothetical situation.

Your ex boyfriend starts playing mind games with you and you fall for them hook, line and sinker.

You start daydreaming about a happy life together with a white picket fence, long walks on the beach and a dozen little kids running around.

Your ex on the other hand has a more devious plan in his mind.

He decides that he wants to use you for his own emotional needs.

You see, he likes having you by his side because it gives him a sense of power and control.

He likes seeing you fawn after him because it makes him feel wanted and it makes him feel in control.

Oh, and lets not forget the fact that he likes having you around to listen to his problems because it makes him feel better and, yup, you guessed it, it makes him feel in control.

Are you seeing a trend here?

Breakups do a very weird thing to men. You see, throughout a relationship men like to feel a sense of control and when a breakup occurs they lose that control. So, in an effort to get it back they play mind games to manipulate women into meeting their emotional needs.

Oh, and if you don’t think that men do this I would like to tell you a little story.

This is the story of Rick.

Rick (not his real name) is a friend of mine who told me a story so chilling that it made me question my own species for a little bit.

So, Rick had this girlfriend and he loved her very much and for the most part their relationship was pretty nice. Of course, there was one little problem. Rick loved his girlfriend a little too much so in his mind he decided that the best way to feel safer in the relationship was to control everything she did.

Oh, and when I say everything I mean EVERYTHING.

Who she saw…

Where she went…

What she did…

Now, do you think Rick’s girlfriend took kindly to being controlled?

Absolutely not.

In fact, Rick became so controlling that his girlfriend decided to break up with him.

So, here you have Rick a man who for his entire relationship with his girlfriend had full control over everything suddenly losing that control.

He was devastated.

So, like all manipulative b#$tards out there Rick devised a plan to get his girlfriend back through mind games.

He would make her believe that he had turned over a new leaf when the truth was that he hadn’t. He painted this picture for her of a perfect life together and like most women who are in a vulnerable state she fell for it.

Rick got control back.

He felt safe again.

But perhaps most frightening was the fact that he developed a god complex.

“If I can get her back after this then I can get away with anything.”

All in all, by successfully using mind games on his ex Rick had fed his ego so much that he thought he was some sort of god.

So, what’s the verdict here?

If an ex plays mind games for this reason is it a good sign or a bad sign?

The Intent Verdict = BAD

Look, there are mind games with good intent and mind games with bad intent.

No matter which way you slice it this is not a mind game with good intent.

Reason #3: To Get Sex

yoda

I am going to get personal here for a minute.

Ok, maybe not “that personal” but I am going to tell you a funny story from my past.

When I was 15 years old and pimply faced (totally was) I’ll admit that I thought about sex a lot.

I mean, I had never kissed a girl or hugged a girl (outside of my mother) for that matter. So, the idea of having sex with a member of the opposite sex seemed like a stretch.

And what have I taught you about men?

They want what they don’t have, right?

Well, I definitely didn’t have sex and as a result like all pimply faced teenaged boys I wanted it.

(Side Note: Totally wish I had met my wife in High School but perhaps it’s best I didn’t because I don’t think I would have had a chance with her then.)

Anyways, I digress…

With that “want” came a certain amount of embarrassment.

Why was I embarrassed?

Because I literally thought that I thought about sex way too much and that there was something wrong with me.

That was until I met my friend… lets just call him “Fly.”

He verbalized everything I had ever thought about sex and made no apologies about it.

If I was an 8 on the “I want to have sex” scale then he was definitely a 10.

This was interesting to me because it was a weird way of the universe telling me that I wasn’t the only man in the world who wanted sex.

Turns out that as I have gotten older and met more and more members of my species this universal truth hasn’t changed.

In fact, some men want sex so bad that they will be willing to do anything to get it. That’s where the mind games come into play.

I am just telling you this right now so you hear it from me.

MEN WILL USE MIND GAMES TO GET SEX FROM YOU.

They will tell you what you want to hear…

Buy you want you want to have…

Go above and beyond for you…

Just for that one feeling of being inside you.

So, if you are sitting there wondering if your ex would use a mind game to get sex from you. Well, all I will say is this. He is absolutely capable of it.

The Intent Verdict = BAD

Come on…

How is this even a question?

Common Mind Games An Ex Boyfriend Will Play On You

when you see it

Now that you have a deeper understanding of why an ex boyfriend would play mind games with you lets turn our attention to the type of mind games he might play.

I think it goes without saying that there are thousands of mind games that an ex could potentially play on you if he wanted. So, in an effort to make this comprehensive yet readable I am just going to list out the most common type of mind games I am seeing out there.

Sound good?

Ok, lets get started.

Mind Game #1: Conversation Ghosting

ghost meme

Have you heard of this phenomenon of “ghosting” before?

Apparently it is making the rounds across social media and becoming very popular with every passing day.

Ghosting basically describes a breakup phenomenon.

Typically when you break up with someone you take them to a nice park bench, sit down and calmly explain to them that you don’t want the relationship to continue.

Ghosting is a lot meaner than that.

It’s essentially a permanent NC rule that starts while you are in the relationship with someone. It serves as the ultimate way of breaking up with someone.

Let me give you an example.

Rebecca and Dave are a really cute couple but after a few years together Dave isn’t really feeling it anymore. Internally he comes to a decision that he is going to break up with Rebecca but he is a little scared to have the breakup talk with her. So, he decides to do ghosting instead. In other words, he just stops responding to her text messages, phone calls or pleas to meet up and talk about things in person. The idea behind ghosting is that the person who is being ghosted will get the hint and realize that things are over.

So, that’s ghosting.

BUT that is not what I am going to be talking about with regards to mind games.

When it comes to ghosting and mind games with an ex there is a specific tactic that I am seeing more and more ex boyfriends use on their ex girlfriends.

I like to call this tactic “conversation ghosting.”

What Is Conversation Ghosting?

Imagine that you and your ex boyfriend at having an amazing texting conversation.

texting convo

Just pretend that the texts go on and on like this for a good hour.

Anyways, when the conversation ends your ex doesn’t respond to your messages or doesn’t make any attempt to reach out on his own for the next week or so.

“What the heck is going on? Did I do something wrong?” you think to yourself.

Your ex has successfully ghosted himself out of having conversations with you.

So, what is going on here?

What is going through his mind?

Well, if he is using conversation ghosting as a mind game then he is watching you very carefully to see how you react. He is trying to guage how much you are into him.

That’s fine… we can work with that.

What I would like to do now is teach you what to do if your ex is using this mind game on you.

What To Do If Your Ex Uses Conversation Ghosting On You

If you have determined that your ex has used conversation ghosting on you then you have one task.

The Task = Getting Your Ex To Respond To You

Off the top of my head there are a million ways to accomplish this task but I certainly don’t have the time or patience to list a million ways out for you so I am going to give you my best way. Lets think about the context here for a moment.

You and your ex have had amazing conversations through text messages very recently and then all of a sudden he drops off the face of the earth.

If he is indeed playing a mind game then we know that at this moment he is sitting on the sidelines waiting to see how you react.

So, we are going to give him a reaction.

And this reaction is going to make him forget all his silly little mind games and respond to you right away.

I would like to introduce you to a little something I like to call, the “I have a confession…” text.

The way this text works is rather simple.

confession

You send this text message to your ex and then the idea of you having a confession to make to them is to enticing for them to sit on the sidelines and keep playing the ghosting mind game.

Ah, but here is where things get interesting.

What do you do if he responds?

What should the confession be?

Well, you don’t want it to be anything that damages the progress you are making with him. Instead, you want your confession to be positive.

Hmm…

How about something like this.

confession 2

Do you see how something scary like a confession can turn into a positive thing if you tie it in the right way?

Once you get your ex to respond to this text then you then you are free to continue the conversation because you broke his mind game!

Lets look at another popular mind game I am seeing men use on women.

Mind Game #2: Never Texting First… EVER

texting

This is a fun little game that men like to play.

But before I get into that I need to talk a little bit about the “unwritten rules of texting.”

You see, when it comes to texting in general there are a few unwritten rules at play. Arguably at the top of that list is the idea that whoever texts the other person first loses ground. In other words, the party that expresses the most interest in the other person up front loses “the game.”

It’s weird when you think about it, isn’t it?

I mean, when it comes to relationships the game should be about communication but instead it’s all about who likes who the most up front and whoever likes the other person the most tends to be the chaser (which is ironically what you want men to do to you.)

Anyways, now that you have an idea of one of the “unwritten rules of texting” lets turn our attention to how it comes into play during a break up.

I think the best way to illustrate what I am about to teach you is to tell you a little story about how I (a man) reacted after a breakup.

During my first ever break up with a member of the opposite species I handled things a bit… immaturely.

The immediate thing that comes to mind is the idea that I was not going to talk to her at all until she texted me first.

Why?

Revenge.

I wanted to make her feel as bad as I was feeling.

So, for the next week or so I was determined not to text her first and sure enough by the end of that week she ended up texting me.

My point in telling you this story is to explain that after a breakup it is highly likely that your ex boyfriend could be thinking to himself,

“I am going to make her text me first.”

Now, having the discipline to actually not text your ex first is challenging for most of the men out there.

Not Texting First Even When You Reach Out First

Hypothetical situation.

Lets pretend that you and your ex went through a breakup about a week ago and your boyfriend is determined to not be the one to text you first.

Now, lets say that you disregard my advice on the no contact rule found in my Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO System. Instead you decide to reach out to him first and to your surprise you have a decent conversation with him.

So, this trend continues for the next month or so and you continually notice that you are the one that always has to text him first.

In this hypothetical situation your ex has made a conscious decision to talk to you but only under the pretense that you text him first.

You will find that this is actually quite common with exes.

Why?

My theory revolves around my own experience (because I actually did do this to my ex.)

When I said to myself,

“I am going to make her text first”

What I was really thinking on a deeper level was I know this is going to annoy her and I want revenge for the way I am feeling right now.

In other words, the purpose of this mind game is to get back at you for the way your ex feels right now.

But what are you supposed to do if your ex is playing this mind game on you?

How do you right the ship?

What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Will NEVER Text You First

Ok, before I start teaching you anything I do have a little bit of a disclaimer to throw out there.

In order for what I am about to say to fully work you need to accept the fact that your ex is probably not going to text you first for a little while but that doesn’t mean you can’t make progress with regards to getting him back.

Are you aware of the idea of a 50/50 split?

In short, it’s this idea that when you and your ex text you will send 50% of the text messages and he will send 50% of the text messages. Well, this idea of a 50/50 split applies to who texts who first as well.

In other words, in a perfect world you will start conversations 50% of the time and he will start conversations 50% of the time.

Now, here is my question to you.

Do we live in a perfect world?

NO.

Thus, having the ability to achieve a 50/50 split when it comes to conversation starters is often very challenging.

Does that mean it can’t be done?

I didn’t say that.

In fact, it is very possible to take an ex who thinks to himself,

“I am not texting her first.”

And eventually get him to throw his internal rules out the window.

But how do we go about doing that?

How can we achieve at least a 50/50 split when it comes to starting conversations?

Like anything there are a few factors at play here.

I am going to take a moment to go over those now.

Factor #1- YOUR Ability To Do No Contact

The no contact rule is probably the most popular strategy for getting an ex back and there is a reason why.

It lets time go by without any contact with your ex… a lot of time.

I already explained that your exes motivation for making a pact with himself that he won’t text you first revolves around revenge for the way he is feeling. Well, he isn’t going to get his revenge if you don’t actually contact him at all.

The no contact rule, especially after a breakup, is perfect for expediting the process of him throwing his pact out the window.

Factor #2- The Quality Of Your Conversations

Person A and Person B dated Person C.

After their breakups with Person C, Person A and B never received a text from Person C to start a conversation. Instead, it was left up to them to start the conversations.

When Person A started a conversation with Person C the conversation they had was amazing and left Person C with a really good aftertaste.

When Person B started a conversation with Person C the conversation they had was horrible. It fell flat in every imaginable way and left Person C with a bad aftertaste.

Now let me ask you something.

If Person C was going to start a conversation first which person do you think they would be more likely to start it with?

A or B?

Person A of course!

Whether you like it or not the quality of conversations that you have with your ex often has a direct correlation to having them text you first.

Mind Game #3: He Talks About Other Women

wonder woman no you didn

This fun little mind game is one that an ex boyfriend can play either through text messages, on the phone or in person.

What’s the mind game?

Talking about other women in front of you.

Or more specifically, talking about what he would like to do to other women while he is in your presence.

Hmm…

Perhaps I should give this one a hypothetical situation to illustrate my point.

Ok, lets say that you and your ex boyfriend have just started talking again and things seem to be going pretty well for the two of you. You think to yourself,

“Wow, I think a reconciliation is possible.”

In other words, you really feel you have a great chance of pulling this off. That is until he starts talking about other women.

It just so happens that the two of you are out for a cup of coffee when a very beautiful woman walks by your table and you catch him staring at her as she walks by. Picture this,

man staring at girl

What he says next after he sees the woman is a shock even to you.

“Mmm… you don’t want to know what I’d do to her if we were alone in a room together.”

So, is this a mind game or is this just an ex boyfriend feeling super comfortable enough to share the inner workings of his brain with you?

Well, I can’t speak for your ex but I can speak for myself and I can tell you that any time I have ever done something remotely close to this it has been a weird form of a mind game.

Why?

Because I know how jealousy works.

Lets do something unheard of and take a look at things from your exes perspective.

The universal truth about all men is the fact that we love to feel wanted by members of the opposite sex. This innate need to feel wanted can make us do some pretty strange things like talk about other women in an effort to make other women jealous and react in a way that will make us feel wanted.

And therein lies the “why” of this mind game.

It’s a ploy to make you jealous and ultimately make you react in a way that will a man feel wanted.

Now, what do you do if this happens to you?

What To Do If Your Ex Starts Talking About Other Women To Make You Jealous

What’s your first reaction when an ex starts talking about “pounding another woman?”

It’s to get in a fight with him isn’t it?

What’s your second reaction?

To get revenge on him probably.

Neither one of these is a good idea.

If you get in a fight with him over his behavior you will essentially be letting him know that what he is doing is bothering you and ultimately feed his ego.

As for the revenge…

Wouldn’t it be great that after his comment about “doing another woman” while the two of you are together if you could get revenge on him by giving him a taste of his own medicine?

“Oh ya? Another girl, huh? Well, you see that guy over there? Yup, I would totally love to be on top of him.”

This is not a good idea for a number of reasons but at the top of that list is the fact that it is going to create a situation where your ex is going to think it’s ok to continually have these chats about other women with you.

Why would he feel that way?

Easy, because in his mind if you are saying it back to him he isn’t going to be hurt he is going to think that you have moved on and don’t mind his dirty thoughts about other women.

The last thing you want is to hear about his conquests every single day.

So, what do you do?

You are going to play a few mind games of your own.

What I would like you to do is to take a look at my article on seduction. We are going to give him a few mixed signals and make him believe that you are still into him and then you are just going to fall off the map for a bit.

You get him all excited about the idea of potentially “hooking up” and you leave him stranded.

Rinse and repeat.

February 1, 2017

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

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What Do You Think? (522)

  1. Nicky - 0

    Nicky

    You’ve just told us two opposite things? Not to make any contact whatsoever for 30 days but that if he does not get a shred of hope he will give up?

    Reply
  2. Lina - 0

    Lina

    Hi there,

    I hope to get some advice.
    Me and my ex had a really bad break up at the end of last year. It was a very complicated relationship which had been ldr for the last 2 years. There was a situation where I was not able to reach him for 4 days on the number he has given me. It was out of use. Being totally hurt and feeling hurt, I blasted at him with messages expressing my hurt and disappointment. He made his regular weekly call, which I ignored. He read what I wrote and then told me to leave me alone via text. We both blocked each other. 2 days later I see a photo with another as his profile on his Facebook. The photo seemed obvious. I couldn’t control myself and found and contacted her. I asked her about him. She said they have been in a relationship for a month already. She was interested to see some of our message conversations from the past weeks. But there was nothing revealing so she was just like “I will see if he should cheat on me.” Out of hurt I left her a lot of messages but also him mails asking why he was stringing me along instead of telling me and breaking things up with me. There was a lot of nasty mail exchange from his side if I would mail him (telling me to stop stalking, he doesn’t care etc.) After two month (last month) I mailed him sorry to have bothered him. Processing everything has not been the easiest for me. After about 2 weeks later the lady on the photo contacts me and was like “did you hear from him? Did you both talk? When was the last time? Let me know if he should?” etc. I told her that I am not interested in giving her updates about him. I also left him a mail about it. I was still confused and irritated about it and messaged her a week later telling her that it confused me, that there is no need to contact me if she trusts him as she said etc. She just blocked me. I saw him and her changing their profile pictures again with them together. I had the feeling that I am still stuck in some mind game of him and did not let it affect me. I just went about my day.

    Two days ago, he created a new email (which referred to one of mine) and asked me to send my phone number. I mailed that I want to be contacted via a credible source. There was some mail exchange. I got irritated that he prentended to be one of our previous mutual friend, whom we both are not in contact anymore. I got angry that he used his name and also dragged someone else into this again. I gave in and gave him my number. Today he called. Asked why I mailed him, that I shouldn’t mail him, he is recording the conversation as per advice, I should be happy if I don’t come across him in person otherwise I would get in serious trouble. But he was also asking about my life and well-being etc. I asked him why he just doesn’t just ignore my mails? He was saying that he wanted to let me know via phone and doesn’t want to get anything from me in 10 years etc. He doesn’t care about me, “it will never work out between us” etc. He also asked repeatedly whether I had anything to ask. I asked him why he strang me along. “Don’t want to talk about the past”. I was irritated about how the conversation went. Also because it didn’t make sense to me to be called and have this conversation or him to fight with me…

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      he’s still stringing you along.. for me you should stop responding and move on..

  3. Anita - 0

    Anita

    Hello
    I was with him for 6 months. We were in an open relationship. I fell in love. He fell in love. Ovbious. Then he had this bad dream that I broke up with him and he felt terrible about it. .. Long story short : he went away on a holiday for 3 months . He came back completely detached with no interest for me at all. No desire for me at all. Told me I was trying to control him .. that I wanted too much of this relationship. I felt like I was begging for some love. I was a doormat suddently ! I decided to break up. He said he agrees ( 2 weeks ago) He does not want any more relationship with me. I am devastated . I love him madly. He just texted me saying he is worried about my precious heart and sayd he cares for me ; even though the “situation has changed between us “…. I am confused . What does that mean ?? Does he just feel bad because he knows I am hurting a lot ?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi anita,

      more probably, it’s like washing his hands.. It’s just to feel less guilty after what he did..

  4. Anna - 0

    Anna

    Amor,

    I am really confused. My ex broke up with me- we kept in touch for 2 months and then I said I needed space and went into NC. He kept saying he really wants t ofight for our friendship and he loves me and he understands my need to space and he will wait for me to reach out when I’m ready. I did text him after NC asking how he was etc, he replied saying he’s doing great and asked how I was doing, to which I said I was doing great – he then asked why great to which I replied that everything has been going relaly good at work etc and he never replied again.

    Is he playing games and trying to regain control now after I’ve had all of it during NC? Or he decided that after all I wasn’t as important and he wants nothing to do with me? Where do I go from here?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Anna,
      I think it’s because there’s just nothing to say anymore.. initiate again after 3 days..

  5. Emery - 0

    Emery

    Hello okay so I did the no contact rule for 30 days he randomly text me telling me to be safe and that he had a nightmare and that he is sure I’m out drinking. I replied the next day telling him that I’m good no worries. He then tells me to open up my eyes and chase what I want. That life is not all about partying and going to bars. That I should thinking about my future etc. I then responded and told him that I am not waisting time and told him that I am currently working at two jobs, a full time student, and doing my internship. He then said that I still go out and should be using that time to be productive. I replied back and he never responded back. What is his deal??

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      that’s still a good signn..it means he’s following your posts.. you need to initiate more and avoid negative replies..

  6. Emery - 0

    Emery

    Hello okay so I did the no contact rule for 30 days he randomly text me telling me to be safe and that he had a nightmare and that he is sure I’m out drinking. I replied the next say telling him that I’m good no wit. He then tells me to open up my eyes and chase what I want. That life is not all about partying and going to bars. That I should thinking about my futy etc. I then responded and told him that I am not waisting time and told him that I am currently working at two jobs,full time student, and doing my internship. He then said that I still go out and should be using that time to be productive. I replied back and he never responded back. What is his deal??

    Reply
    • Emery - 0

      Emery

      *worries
      *future

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      that’s still a good signn..it means he’s following your posts.. you need to initiate more and avoid negative replies..

  7. Ella - 0

    Ella

    I don’t know where to start. I’ve Been ghosted. You would thought I would’ve learned the first time. He came back after three weeks – almost as if nothing had happened then the same problems starting reappearing, the same ones that were never addressed throughout our years together. The constant lies and sneakiness. I finally confronted him. He denied everything putting it down to gossip and hearsay. That I was being insecure and needy. After our conversation He completely disappeared. I tried a few times to contact him but got nothing. I’m not only heartbroken I’m in shock. He still one month in refuses to talk to me or acknowledge me, he won’t pick up his stuff and he won’t give mine back despite requesting it. I don’t know what to do. I haven’t been texting or calling incessantly only once or twice over the last month hoping things might be okay to have a conversation. Help!!! What are my next steps. I can’t force him against hiswill to talk. What do I do please help.

    Reply
  8. Elizabeth - 0

    Elizabeth

    Last year I reconnected with my ex. I dropped him. He tried coming back but I never would allow it. It was hot and heavy at first when I finally came back and then drama came between us and he implied he and I would never be again. So I said okay. I don’t see that happening either. We stayed friends. He would never initiate contact. If I talked he would always ask me how I was and talk about his hobbies. He would keep the convo going and then sometimes remind me how busy he is but still be active in talking to me like the reminder was to not waste his time or be grateful for his time. I began to fall but I never said anything because he said never again. One day I saw him out. I smiled at him from afar but when he got close, I denied his eye contact for my eyes always tell it all & he said never again. He ended up irritated that I looked down instead of into his eyes. Now im mad at him. I can’t put my finger on it. I feel like were both playing games with each other so I’ve backed off.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Elizabeth,

      actually, he’s got the upper hand because he’s the one that friendzoned you.. do you want to try the no contact rule?

  9. susan - 0

    susan

    hey , my ex broke up with me 2 months ago . It was a pretty bad break-up. He broke my trust completely and also he didn’t gave me any reasons of breaking up. So, yesterday he called me and wants to get back together. i somehow didn’t gave him a direct answer and the conclusion made out from that conversation is that after a month we’ll decide. but now i am feeling like i gave him another chance to hurt me. what should i do now? should i call him back and finish everything? or else wait for him to call me after a month and than i will say that i don’t want anything from you now? i am sacred that in between all this..he’ll call me and gonna finish everything by himself again. what to do? i don’t want to give him another chance ..neither i want to show that i care enough to call him back.. maybe i am having ego issues. however, i want to give him a shot that i don’t care about him anymore..

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Susan,

      I’m confused.. what do you really want, to give him a chance or move on?

    • susan - 0

      susan

      I wanted to give him chance but he’s not convincing me in any way but just approached me and didn’t showed any guilt of breaking up!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      ok, then set a limit on until when you would wait for him to show you what you’re expecting

  10. Emery - 0

    Emery

    So last week I made a fool of myself at the club when my ex was there. I made myself look needy. I was drunk and into my feelings. He didn’t contact me the next and I didn’t either. I was determined to not contact him at all and I sticked to it. Yesterday I went to the same club and I spotted my ex’s best friends. They spotted me but I acted like I didn’t see them. Once I got home I got a text from my ex saying, “You went again smh you really go out every weekend ” I did not respond. Does he still care? I still have feelings for him but I just feel that if we talk right away it’s going to be the same thing. Arguing all the time. Should I continue NC?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Emery,

      You restarted the count right? Yes, continue it. That’s good that he’s texting. So, keep improving and having fun.

    • Emery - 0

      Emery

      Yes I have and okay thank you!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      You’re welcome!

  11. Maddison - 0

    Maddison

    My ex and I dated for a year which was great! however… we break up due to fights in the last few months of the relationship. After a few weeks of blocking him and NC he called, crying begging to get back together. I denied but agreed to be friends with him. In this 7 months of being friends (I would say more best friends) we had dinners, hung out, and he called/texted me everyday. We had previously booked a holiday and decided to go despite being just friends. Of course this ignited our love that has always been there even as friends. Now that we have been back home for a few months he’s been more loving than ever! However we have our days. He’s the cold, career driven, don’t need affection type. He does show me love however its no daily and sometimes I take that the wrong way. I guess I’m the sensitive, emotional type that enjoys an I miss you or wish you could be here. He’s now starting a business and works full time and has been super busy. In his defence he’s tried to make time for me but I just get frustrated when I wait all day to hear from him only to hear him tell me how busy and tired he is. Before he used to be more loving.. I try to be understanding obviously its like working 2 full time jobs and its hard not to just crash at the end of the day however I voiced that it wasn’t working for me anymore and I can’t keep going feeling unloved. A lot of the time I feel if we lived together and he was just in the room with me it would fix a lot of these issues however this isn’t an option at the moment. We have been on and off since after the holiday which is frustrating because I know we both love each other a lot. I tried no contact for 3 days and he went crazy! I’ve never seen him so vulnerable, saying he wasn’t eating or sleeping. I know it sounds horrible but I feel like the only way he gives me affection is when his mind is on me and freaking out about losing me and not on the business. (I do want him to do well with the business but you can’t blame me for wanting to fit in there somewhere too!)
    Here’s the part I’m confused about… The other day we were driving to a casual dinner (as friends) and he blows me a kiss. I turned and said.. uh what was that and he just replied like nothing happened. In the same car ride he also said “You know I’m a smart guy right? Look.. just focus on your studies and your goals for now and I promise the future will work out.
    He says these comforting yet confusing things! He calls me beautiful and finds comfort hugging me however has no problem being broken up!
    I’m so confused.. I just need help as to whether this is a mind game and I should end it now as there is no chance this relationship will feel right or if I should ride it out till the business is up and running and we actually give it a chance by living together.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Maddison,

      the first confusion stems from your status, you’re just friends. So, why demand something that’s for committed relationships? I do get that you both feel something for each other, but it’s like you put yourself in the friendzone and then you want more.. But why not just take the relationship further and then lay out what you want?

  12. Jane - 0

    Jane

    My ex is playing a mind game that I’ve yet to figure out… he texts maybe once a week with something low key like “how have you been?” I always reply with the same polite generic nonsense “great, thanks! How have you been?” but he NEVER replies! I have – for all outward appearances – taken the high road. (Sparing the whole back story, we had a fight, he was being a jerk for several days (nay, weeks!) and I dumped him. I do believe that, for reasons unknown to me, he was pushing me to dump him. He wanted me to be the “bad guy” and I obliged! I found his dating profile, I know he’s out looking for someone new – I haven’t let on that I know…) but these texts are making me nutty!

    Him: Good morning! Hope you’re staying warm and having a great day
    Me: Good morning, handsome. Hope you have a great day as well

    He also sends messages when he knows I am busy:
    Him: How have you been?
    Me: Just walking out the door to class. Catch up later?

    So why the one text every 5-7 days with no follow up? No second text? What is the purpose of THIS mind game? Is he just bored? The one time we did have a ~20 text exchange, he was taking 10 minute pauses between replies.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jane,

      probably just to check if you will still reply to boost his ego..

  13. Erin - 0

    Erin

    Hi,
    I have been going out with my ex since may. I fell hard for her and I know she did as well. We never really had any fights to talk of. We would have a few disagreements, but I think we worked things out. One time, we did have a bad fight and we were both crying. I tried to comfort her as best as I could and she lashed out saying you never tell me things are going to be ok. I apologized many times and we made up. Whenever she would find something she didn’t like (about me apparently) she would run to our friend Paige for advice. Fast forward to Dec, I was depressed because I had no job and couldn’t buy Christmas presents. She told me I needed to stop being so depressed and I needed to see a doctor. I responded that I just needed her, not a dr. I got a beautiful Christmas card stating that she never knew what she was looking for in life but now she does… me. Then right before new years, she started a fight with me then said I want to break up. I asked her to just take a break not break up completely with me. She said I’ll see how I feel after a few days. So I was gonna give her a few days. The next day she msged me and said how r u? I’m sorry. I felt like hey.. she might have rethought it over and she wants me back. She told me that she wanted to give me another chance but there was no flame there. I explained to her it was because she blocked me out.(which she denied until a week ago. She said it in other words but I knew she shielded me out). She told me before that if I hurt her again, she will be single for awhile without deep love until I fix it. She says she is confused as to if she wants to men or women. I’m trying to bide my time and be supportive to her. I feel in my gut that she still loves me. Lately though, she’s been hot and cold. She wants to hug me, cuddle and snuggle when she wants to. ( I forgot to mention when we were going out she developed a crush on a guy friend we ad but she told him no I have my gf and I love her. He told her it’s not going to happen). I refuse to give up on her. What should I do? I’ve tried the NC method and I went 4 days and she was a complete mess without me.( and so was i). Help!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Erin,

      have you talked on what your current status is?

    • Erin - 0

      Erin

      About how I feel about her? She knows very well how I feel. It seems like things are getting better then she gets cold. Then warm. She’s confusing me.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      then you have to stick to nc..its like she just wants you to stay because that’s what she’s used to.. tell her you need space because being friends is not working for you

  14. Sofia - 0

    Sofia

    My boyfriend broke up with me because the last day I was abroad, I kissed someone else. When I came back I thought I could just not tell him, but I couldn’t lie and I told him the truth. He didn’t tell me we were done, he just changed his Facebook status. A week latter I went to his house and left a letter because he wouldn’t give me a chance to explain, he sent a letter back and said that was it for us and that he wished I would find someone who would make me happy. I thought he never wanted to see me again and he wanted out of my life because he gave me all my stuff back, but he hasn’t blocked me, he hasn’t erased the pictures we have together. I asked him if I could get a second chance or at least be his friend but he didn’t answer. We agreed to meet in a few months, but I don’t want to see him if I stand no chance, because it would just hurt us again. Should I block him? Should I accept that it is all over and just move on?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sofia,
      nope, dont block him..do you want to try the no contact rule?

  15. Priscilla - 0

    Priscilla

    Me and my boyfriend of 3 years recently moved out of our first apartment after a break up. At first he was going back and forth to his parents and our apartment and eventually I gave him the ultimatum of staying or going. He took the rest of his things while I was at work and now I’m in the process of moving the rest of my belongings. He refuses to give me his house key back and I know it’s because he wants to check up on me. I’ve been staying at my parents and just as I thought he called me from a blocked number ( he changed his number because I cut off his phone) cryjng and asking who I’ve been with and where have I been. He came to the apartment and saw that I started packing everything but he’s the one who left me! He’s been going out with his friends every chance he gets and speaks of different women but I’m not sure if he’s seeing him anyone else. What do I do? He calls me here and there then goes silent for another week. I initiated no contact and he’s been the one reaching out to me. It’s killing me not knowing who he’s with or if he’s seeing someone else. And why does he care so much what I’ve been doing if he’s the one who left me. I feel there’s someone else because he left the way he did and only contacts me for his convinience it hurts and is depressing moving everything out without his help

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Priscilla,

      when he called you crying, did he ask to go back with you?

  16. Michelle - 0

    Michelle

    My “ex” and I broke up about two years ago after dating for about 7 months. I use quotations because it was never made exclusive that we were a couple. It wasn’t much of a breakup but more of a “we stopped talking” ordeal. Two months later I found out he got into a relationship with a girl he had been texting at the end of our “relationship”. A month after, he texted me telling me how much he regretted the break up and how he missed me. Ever since then, for the past two years, my ex will text and call me every 3 months or so to tell ask me how I’m doing but will then get all emotional. All the while he still has his girlfriend. I am never the one to contact him first and I am usually pretty good with not getting emotional in return. Most of the time he asks to see me and when I do say yes (twice) we’ve just hung out and talked. Why is he doing this when he has a girlfriend? Also, he will be the first to get emotional but when I mention anything about the past he says “but there can never be an US again”. Sometimes I feel like he does that so I’ll break and tell him I want him back. He has a history of doing things to get a reaction from me and so I’m wondering if this is him doing it again.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Michelle,

      you’re probably right.. Stop responding to him so you can move on

  17. Rebekah - 0

    Rebekah

    Hello so here’s my story,
    Me and my BF of 5yrs recently agreed the he needed space, in my world space means NC during that period of time, he requested space and I accepted it, we have a 3yr old child together. So I’ve left multiple times in the past for him but it never lasted more than 1day before he asked me to come home, we both messed up in the past but he can’t seem to forgive me for the same mistake he made, why? I’ve apologized and meant it, I’ve given him space and everything and I still get the cold shoulder, we’ve been trying to work things out but he told me he can’t help but not forgive me and that maybe someday he can or let’s see what nature has in store later so he confirmed that theory to me the 2nd night I was gone during this so called break that he’s been constantly texting me through I don’t initiate any texts he’s the one that’s forever texting me, about anything accruing while I’m gone be it work or possessions and finances, well it’s now day 4 and I still am wondering why does he continue to text me about life when we are on “break” or whatever I am so confused on this because he forever has to text me about random things like his bike or our daughter (which that’s understandable) but why about his bike etc. I don’t get him, how is he supposed to forgive me if he can’t leave me alone. I love him and want it to work out but I’m getting mixed signals I can go NC but he can’t. I’m so lost on why he is so wrapped up about what I’ve done but what he’s constantly done I’m not allowed to have answers or he denies it. He dwells on what I’ve done and that’s why we we are going through this constant on and off relationship where he usually asks me back the same night. Now it’s like I have no clue what’s causing him to keep dwelling on me when I’ve told him sorry, he’s never apologized to me and I forgave him constantly… I’m seriously trying to manage bettering myself but I do not want him bothering me during this time he’s taking to himself if he can’t leave me alone. How can he miss me if he’s constantly texting me? I’ve done my part and leave him be I only reply when he texts me everyday. Any advice?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Rebekah,

      stop replying. he texts you because he’s used to talking to you. If its about your child, you can reply but anything other than that..just dont. it’s one thing that he initiates, it’s another when you reply because youre5 enabling him to keep doing it to you when you keep replying

  18. Marie - 0

    Marie

    I was in a long distance relationship for a year with a man I met online. We met and spent some time together and we both agreed to really liking each other and wanting to be together so we both mentioned marriage. He’s in the military so it would have been the only way to be together. Well, all of a sudden he started acting super weird and he began to flat out ignore me. I asked him and he assured me that nothing was up. I did some snooping and I found out that he was speaking to someone else, an old friend from college. I confronted him about it and he got angry, he did not deny it and he tried to explain himself. He thought we did not know each other well and that we wanted different things which was BS. He was definitely upset because I caught him in the act. I proceeded to delete him off of social media because it was extremely insulting that he was speaking to someone else. I discovered the truth through his twitter so he used just that method to get back at me since it was public. He put on a show to get my attention knowing I would see. A ton of pics with this new girl, status updates claiming that he loved this girl, that she was his soulmate, etc. It hurt me but I continued to ignore him because clearly he was playing mind games . I guess he realized it wasn’t working so he then proceeded to block me from Facebook and Instagram. Quite pointless because we were already private to begin with. I finally decided to text him and ask him why he blocked me if I hadn’t even reached out to him. He responded that did it because I deleted him. Again, we had such an emotional argument. It was clear that we were both very upset and the last thing he said to me was “hope you find the right person” with I then responded with a “thanks! same to you”. That was the last conversation we had 8 months ago. I later found out that he married this girl shortly after and he is now living with her. I find it strange however how he hasn’t even attempted to reach out. Makes me think he never cared about me but I’m sure he did. I cared and I still care so I decided to reach out yesterday night with a text mentioning how I was reminded of him because I was at a certain place and that I hoped all was well. I mean it’s been a while and I was sure he would be over it. To my surprise he has not responded. Why could that be? Could it be that he’s still playing mind games?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Marie,

      he’s not answering, because he’s married already. You should move on from him..

  19. Courtney - 0

    Courtney

    Hi Amor,
    Here’s my story, I would love to hear your insight and advice. I was with my bf , he’s 23, I’m 19, for a few months and I fell in love for the first time. After all the guys I’ve dated I’ve never ever felt this way with someone and the feelings were mutual, he told me loved me, wanted to marry me and have a family with me one day, he too said he has never felt this way before with anyone . It was genuine and loving and I saw a future with this guy which I’ve never seen with anyone and he the same. We spent a lot of time together, got to know each other, but he was insecure at times, worried about other guys which he didn’t have to do. At moments he pulled away, which I know guys do sometime, but the problem for me was they he would blow me off for his friends when we had plans, he just wouldn’t think and was in the moment. I told him on several occasions, it wasn’t cool, we’re together and you just can’t ditch me, he’d apologize, say he was wrong, etc. tbh, I felt like he was testing me, to see how much I’d put up with, but after speaking with him several times, he did it again. So after a week of him trying to see me, ( I put him off) I broke up with him, on the phone, I know I shouldn’t have done it that way, it was impulsive and stupid, but I was fed up. I felt like he was taking me for granted and I wasn’t going to put up with it. I have it together, I’m going to school full time, working full time, im smart, fun, good looking & athletic, I’m not trying to be arrogant and sound full of myself, it’s not my intent, but I’m secure and confident and I know my worth. In hind sight, I should’ve talked to him in person, I was wrong to do it that way. I’m not going to lie, it’s been hard, I do care about him and miss him but we had no contact for 4 weeks, until I saw him at work one day, I was surprised to see him as we wouldn’t normally run into each other. He came right up to me and hugged me, he was so warm affectionate, I couldn’t believe it, he wouldn’t leave my side, hugged me from behind, any excuse to touch me or talk to me. We did talk for a bit, he apologized again to me for treating me the way he did, and was def remorseful. I apologized too for breaking up with him the way I did, and said I was wrong to do that to you. And that I didn’t break up because I didn’t love him or have feelings for him but because I felt he didn’t respect my time or value me. He also asked me if I was dating and was bold enough to asked if I hooked up with anyone,(which I have not) I guess he was annoyed thinking about it. I told him I did not, and that I cared about him and wasn’t interested in anyone else. I prob made a mistake saying that, even if it was true, it gave him peace of mind I def don’t have. I am asked out and dating but didn’t tell him, another mistake . He said he wanted to get together and talk more, but couldn’t after work because he had a meeting.that evening. So we went our separate ways. I texted him a few days later saying it was good to see him and let’s get together soon, we texted back and forth a bit, but never went anywhere . So that’s a little over 2 weeks ago, and I have not texted him, not looked at social media, nothing, fell off the earth. I felt he was avoiding me or not sure, I just don’t know. I felt he still cares about me based on when I saw him, but he’s not tried to see me. I heard he’s dating someone too. As much as it hurts and I still care about him, I care about myself more and won’t put up with not being treated right. In the mean time, I’m living my life, focusing on myself, school, work, friends & family. I’m also continuing to date. I would love your help and opinion on what to do, I would love to work things out but we are at a stand still. Thank you

    Part 2 – I decided to text him wishing him a Merry Christmas and that I was thinking of of some of our fun times times together and that I missed him, it was short and sweet. He responded 2 days later, wishing me and my family a happy holiday so I I made a joke and said I guess you don’t miss me, lol not expecting to hear back. He ignored what I said but struck up a flirty text convo, like when we were together and even talked about ice skating together. Then he conversation ghosted me, and never replied when I said I was in to skate. He did message and Snapchat me but no additional texts, he now looks at my insta and snap stories which he has not done since we were together and recently liked one of my posts. Normally I wouldn’t think that was a big deal but he never ever likes my posts and maybe only liked 1 when we were together so this was unusual. So we have established limited contact but don’t know what to do, ideally I want him to come to me, but I feel he’s playing hard to get, mind games or just not sure, hesitant. I would love to hear your insight and advice what to do next. Thank you

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Courtney,

      Actually for me it was right that you broke up with him because he was not meeting your standards but I agree that you could have done it in person. Right now, build rapport slowly. Texts first, I think you had a good convo last christmas. Maybe he just doesn’t know or doesn’t have anything to say after you agreed with ice skating. It’s ok to initiate, what’s more important is that you’re the one that’s going to end it at high point.

    • Courtney - 0

      Courtney

      Hi Amor,
      Thank you for your response 🙂 I wanted to give you an update, he continues to look at my insta stories, so I decided to text him, mentioning that I got my pass to skate and that we should go sometime, he didn’t answer me for 3 days. He saw my feed and saw I went on my own. (I’m living my life and doing the things I like to do) he texted me back saying, “where?!” I told him where, and he replied that was his “favorite place,” so I said, “all the more reason to come,” his last reply was flat and he just said, “right!” Whatever that’s supposed to mean, and I didn’t answer back. I had heard that he was dating someone a month after we broke up, but have no idea if they’re serious and haven’t seen her his story for awhile until the other day when he was with her her and some other people. I guess this explains why he hasn’t made any effort, It hurts to see him someone else and how fast he moved on and I truly don’t know what to do, I thought since we started to communicate again, we could see where it goes.but now after seeing this I just want to pull away. I’m still doing things to improve myself and I’m dating, and moving on with my life.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yeah, he’s probably protecting that relationship.. I think it’s healthy for you to pull away in the mean time

    • Courtney - 0

      Courtney

      Hi Amor,
      Thank you for your previous responses 🙂
      Between the last time I wrote and your response, a few other things happened. Surprisingly, he responded, I didn’t bother to text him back as I last described above, but he texted me again, asking “how it was? How I did?, etc, we had a very good convo back and forth, with making plans to skate, he then asked, if I’m “bringing my boyfriend?” I replied lightly, “which one? Lol then said just joking, no boyfriend, I countered with, ” are you bringing your girlfriend?” He said no. Then he writes, “just wanna be friends, 🙂 ” my response, “me too,” I played it cool, we then proceeded to pick a day to meet up. TBH, I’m not sure if this will happen so I’m prepared either way, and I’ve made plans for another date to join me in case because I’m going with or without him, I have a couple of thoughts about this, but I’m not sure, he was def probing to see if I’m seeing someone, (I’ve kept my dating life quiet esp on social media) he has too, barely see anything with an exception of a glimpse in a group setting, otherwise very quiet. I’ve no idea serious things are with this girl, it could be a rebound, I know he missed me and she looks completely opposite of me. He still looks at all my insta stories as well, and his sister recently followed me, which was confusing because why not follow when we were together? Unless to check up on me. One of my guy friends summed it up like this, first, he wants to see if you have a boyfriend because he’s probing and is jealous, and he never wrote I mss you and wrote the just friends part because he’s covering his butt, in case the girl he’s dating sees it. He most likely still has feelings for you otherwise he wouldn’t bother to talk to you or make tentative plans, and if he was serious with the girl he wouldn’t talk to you at all. I still don’t know what to do, I waver between no contact and keeping up with our new communication, but being smart about it. It seems positive but am I just reading into things? And what should I do now?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      well, the plan was to pull away right? But then he proposed a meet up which is good, so go ahead..if he doesn’t show up then proceed to pulling away

  20. Priscilla - 0

    Priscilla

    You say that if he plays mindgames, he sees how you react. If you react angry he knows you care, if you don’t react upset he thinks you no longer care. But my question is: if you react angry towards him, doesn’t he know it works what he is doing, so he is doing it again for control? My ex tries to contact me through his friend, by his friend flirting with me and dissing my ex. I didn’t react and blocked, but if I reacted angry I guess they would continue. What is the right response?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Priscilla,

      that’s the right move.. how did you know that was by your ex?

  21. Jill - 0

    Jill

    What if I was friend zoned by an ex and then lawfully blocked because yes, I was in rage with wanting to know why. So I called excessively and showed up to his house demanding answers while regretfully threatening I was going to end my life if he doesn’t speak to me. I feel as if he played mind games with me to have sex until he was sure about a girl he was interested in which eventually led into her telling me to stop contacting her man. I mean I’m sure I scared them both but I feel like I wouldn’t have done that had he been honest with with me and not gotten the other girl involved. Its been 7 mos. since I’ve spoken to him and the law has ordained for me to stay away until 2018, which scars the hell out of me and of course big lesson learned. I hear that he asks about me constantly and things aren’t going the best between the two of them which now makes me feel I might have another chance at getting him back agin. Sad to say but I’m actually still in love with him and hope that he contacts me to drop the court ordered papers so that we get back together again. I’m trying to move on but I feel I will never meet anyone just as good or better than him. And I’m afraid that when and if he does come back he not going to be the same person I fell in love with.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Jill,

      Of course he won’t be the same. Everybody changes over time. It’s just a matter of either for the better or for the worse. Since you’re bound by the law not to talk to him, then even if he would want to talk to you, how would you deal with that? And how active are you in meeting new people? It’s not always about having a new boyfriend but meeting people of the same interest to have a different perspective? Check this:
      What To Do When Things With Your Ex Don’t Go According To Plan (With Christine Hassler)

  22. Sylvia - 0

    Sylvia

    I broke up with my ex after eight months of dating. We have not been contacting after two months of break up he suddenly started stopping by to check up on me so I called him on phone and told him that I hate seeing his face and he should to stop stopping by to check on me although I never meant what I said to him I still want him back

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sylvia,

      Apologize and just explain why you said it..

  23. Sylvia - 0

    Sylvia

    I broke up with my ex after eight months of dating. We have not been contacting each other, after two months of break up he suddenly started stopping by to check on me so I called him on phone and told him that I hate seeing his face and I want him to stop stopping by although I never meant what I said to him

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sylvia,

      Apologize and just explain why you said it..

  24. Michelle - 0

    Michelle

    My ex boyfriend and I broke up almost two months ago. I was the one that broke things off. I felt I wasn’t ready for commitment, not in the sense that I wanted to see other men, but that I felt I wasn’t ready for the whole settling down thing- I’m a big immature goofball still in university and he just graduated and has a job and all. I always hated how I always felt so emotionally dependent on him and insecure, I used to be a very independent young woman before I met himand changed completely. After meeting him I was forever expecting him to text me, or at least make an attempt to a few times a day. We were truly in love but I felt it was a one-sided relationship because I was always there for him emotionally, but he was no where to be found. And oh how the romance just died. Argh. He felt it was ok for him to go drinking with his mates all the time and I was fine with that as long as he didn’t get into trouble and returned home, but he couldn’t tolerate me having a few with my girlfriends or going out; he’d question me about it the next day even if I’d go out with family. He expected us both to move in and get engaged as soon as I graduated but I honestly wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment and was hesitant, and he knew that. I just wonder what kind of relationship that was. Coz I thought it was alright but it didn’t feel that way for me. I always felt alone even though he was there.
    He was a genuinely good person when we were together back in college- intelligent, kind, great sense of humor and personality, honest, caring, loyal, loving, everything I ever wanted in a man. But his behaviour changed once he got a job- being secretive, no time for me, only wanting me over at his place to cook, clean and have sex, not wanting me to use his phone. I was just worried about him and his ex since she clearly wasn’t over him always tryna make him jealous of her new relationships- they have a toddler together which he told me about and I accepted since day 1.

    Anyway, it’s been almost two months since we broke up.
    This is how it started…We had an argument about him not making time for me anymore and his changed attitude- he always made promises about changing every time i tried leave before but it’d only last a week maximum. (Our longest breakup before was 3 days max. Lol.) And I just had it with him so we argued via instant messaging and i told I couldn’t do it anymore. That I didn’t want to with him,i didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore. And he got upset and pissed off but agreed only so could get out of the argument. He had tendency of being abusive, pushing me around when we argued, but verbal abuse was an norm for him always swearing me even when I’d ask to stop. I tried to apologise to him and get back with him after 2 weeks but indirectly told me he didn’t wanna have sex anymore. And to think he was and is my first! It really hurt to think that he longer found me sexually attractive, and I was self conscious already about my weight, body and image. I was just shattered. And after pondering for 2weeks about it, that pushed me overboard and I knew I didn’t wanna be with him for sure. It was final for me.
    Then he called me a month later and said wanted to finalise it face-to-face though i already accepted it so i just agreed meet up out of courtesy and it looked like he was interested in getting back together though I shot that horse right in the face and he stopped bothering me about it and started to accept that we had broken up real. That was that.
    I’ve slowly come to terms with it. I started focusing more on me, taking the time out to do the things that interested me without worrying about what he’d think or say. I started working out again and it feels great- mind you I gained a whopping 20kgs since I started seeing him. I’ve been spending more time with my family and planning solo travels for myself, feel like I need to truly find myself and do things by myself embracing my independence once again. I feel free and happy and I love this feeling, which I totally forgot existed.

    He then started messaging me two weeks ago. I thought was genuine about it first but then I read inbetween the lines and realised his small conversations were merely attempts to chat me up and try to spark something again. I didn’t wanna be mean so I’d reply but try to get out quickly. Then he messages me last week first pretending to check up on me to see how I’m doing and then telling me that someone we both knew asked him out, and I never brought anything like that up with him! As soon as he brought it up I told him to stop right there, I didn’t wanna know the details of it or who she was. I don’t know why but I got so upset. Then I replied laughing and saying “wow so much for friendship.We just broke up and already people are picking at the bones of our dead relationship”. Then he blew up and started arguing with me over nothing and I just told him that I’m happy that he moves on and that I know I’m the reason that we split….
    I just want to know why on earth did he tell me that someone asked him out??? He isn’t that type of person to make a person jealous, but that’s what my closest friend who set us up is telling me, but I don’t think that’s it. I don’t wanna believe that about him.

    Please just help me understand this, coz it’s driving me crazy now.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Michelle,

      even if he’s not the person to make you jealous, that can still be one of the reasons or he just really saw you as a friend and confided too much but if you had moved on, it doesn’t matter anymore. If you’re uncomfortable with him being like that, just don’t talk to him anymore.

  25. Jennifer - 0

    Jennifer

    Short and sweet. Dated for 10M, lived together for 6M. He’s in the military and during that time we knew he’d be leaving for a long deployment 3Y. We spoke about a LDR and agreed to give it a shot. Some work issues arose with him that was causing a lot of stress for him and our relationship. He decided that we were on two separate paths. That with him leaving he was afraid of the uncertainty of the future (he had been cheated on during another LDR). Initially we spoke via text & facebook (he’s not one to talk on the phone). He maintained that he wanted to be friends, that he wanted to see what the future would bring. I wanted to give him his space and didn’t press for more, but told him that I still cared and loved him. We met up once for dinner (a month after the breakup), seemed to go well. Even though I was sad about this being the last time I would see him. He said this wouldn’t be the last time, that he wanted to remain friends. That I would visit him abroad. He asked me to a movie. We spoke for a few days after. Then nothing, ghosted me. When I messaged him to confirm the movie. Nothing, no response. So I decided to do the 30 NC, lasted 21 days before I outreached him for information on a hearing that he had to attend. He responded, but w/ a very brief and short message. No other contact. He leaves in less than 2 weeks and then leaves the country in 2M. I’m not sure if he’s playing mind games, if he’s just busy with the transition, or if i should do the NC again.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jennifer,

      how much are you improving yourself?

    • Jennifer - 0

      Jennifer

      I’ve returned to doing things that make me happy. Taking up painting, going on hikes. Doing more things that I didn’t do when we were together because of our time together. I also decided to go back to school and get my degree I never got. So making a lot of positive steps forward. He’s still “ghosting” me, but hasn’t removed me from social media. Which is what he had done in the past. I know he’s going through a very stressful period and his MO is to shut down and shut out. I am trying to NOT let his actions bring me down. But of course I am sad.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Jennifer,

      That’s good. I don’t think he’s playing mind games. I think he missed you but he’s still set on not having a long distance relationship and he can see that that’s what you’re aiming for before the movie.. I think you need to approach this as a long distance relationship already.. Check this:
      Getting An Army, Military Or Navy Ex Boyfriend Back

  26. Elizabeth - 0

    Elizabeth

    So my ex bf and I broke up 2 months ago and we’re together for 4 years. I broke up with him because he always lied to me and always put me last , not call me or nothing I would have to beg for his attention. We both hurt eacother while we were together. I guessed that’s what messed us up. Anyways He would call me out of the blue telling me he misses me late nights or call me to hurt me verbally. So Friday at 3 am he called me and I answered his call he started telling me that he had a dream of he seeing me with someone else, he said he wants to talk to me if we can meet up . I met up with him after he got off work, hhe bought dinner and the shirts I was going to buy myself. He also paid for my lyft ride back home. During dinner he was waiting for his friend to get out of work but I know it was the girl he is talking to. While we eating I asked him what he wanted to talk about he said that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship but wants to take it slow with me, that the girl he said he isn’t talking to things didn’t work out because he is not ready for a relationship. He said that if didn’t feel right that she wouldn’t take care of him like I did. He was talking about places to go together , that we have to go to Santa Monica again. He looked at me with those dreamy eyes once we were leaving. Those dreamy eyes that showed love. I couldn’t look at him long because I know I would cry. He even took pictures of me. He talked about himself , well letting me know what he’s been doing lately. I was nervous I couldn’t be myself so maybe that’s why I couldn’t ask what’s he been doin so he brought up himself. . He hugged me hard and wouldn’t let go and kissed me twice. It was a nice evening just that fact that he couldn’t stay longer mad me feel like I wasn’t special enough. While getting on the lyft , he told me to be ready just in case he doesn’t go where he was going and gave me his Backpack for idk what reason. I brought it home. Later he FaceTimes me to see if I am home. Later that night I texted him and became needy , kept texting him to call me , text me , to get home safe and at a decent time. When I was with him I was very insecure and needy, I always wanted him to text me but wouldn’t. The samething felt the same but we were in a different position. He then texted me an hour later telling me ” I need to see you pls” I couldn’t since my brother was busy. I wanted to see him too. But later he just disappears and left me wondering. He messed with my feelings. The next day I called him to tell him that i want to talk to him about what is going on in my head and he said he doesn’t want to hear , probably throught that I was going to tell him how I felt and he didn’t want to hear that. So then he tells me that I haven’t change and we hanged up. He texts me right after a sad face. I have red texted him nor he texted me. I ruined my chance maybe. He really got to me, I missed work and my body hurts, I had an Anxiery attack, my mind wouldn’t sleep for thinking this. I also think he lived with the girl . I was curios to check find my iPhone every night to see if he went home.. he never does he remains there. I also checked one day and he was at the restaurants he always wanted to take me . I’m sure he was with the girl.
    I hate knowing this :'( I affected me in so many ways.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Elizabeth,

      ok, right now, get into counseling, to help you with your anxiety. Do you want to try the no contact rule for self healing and improving?

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