What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

Why is My Ex Boyfriend Nice And Then Mean?

As I’ve said many times, the Ex Boyfriend Recovery is a marathon, not a sprint. For some women, it can take a shorter period of time to get their ex’s back, but for many of it, it can take much longer. I myself am about 6 months into the process. And it’s had its ups and downs, let me tell you.

The recovery process can take a lot of twists and turns, and sometimes that means receiving mixed signals from your ex.

These hot and cold interactions are not fun, but they are a part of the process as your ex deals with his feelings about you. The most important thing is to keep your emotions in check. He may be nice and sweet and then lash out a couple days, or even hours later, which is why it is so important to keep a cool head.

As always, I will be using Buffy the Vampire Slayer references to illustrate my points. A little background for those of you who may not be acquainted with the brilliance of this show, and if that’s the case you should remedy that immediately:

Buffy meets Spike in season 2 and they are mortal enemies,as slayers and vampires are. However, due to a number of reasons that I won’t go into the details of, he eventually ends up fighting by her side, more or less, and feelings begin to develop…on his end.

He makes them known to her in mid season 5, and she rejects him… harshly.

But then, in season 6, when she is in the midst of recovering from some really dark stuff, which, again, I won’t go into, they begin a sexual relationship.

For him, it is one of love, but for her, it is a way of coping and healing something within herself. She can’t seem to stop herself from being with him, but she hates herself for it at the same time. As a result of this, she ends up beating him up a lot, but the two seconds later, they’re having sex so fiery that they destroy the entire house. Talk about mixed signals and hot and cold behavior.

“I have come to redefine the words ‘pain’ and ‘suffering’ since falling in love with you.” – Spike

So, that is the backstory I want you to keep in mind as I make these references.
Let’s explore. What are the reasons your ex may be acting nice, but then turning from Jekyll to Hyde and being mean?

Free On Demand Coaching
Yes, please

He’s Working out His Feelings

Honestly, this is probably the most likely. And it’s the best option when you are trying to get your ex back. If your ex is working out their feelings, it means that there are feelings still there, which is an automatic point in your favor.

Buffy is definitely working out some feelings in season 6. But the truth is, not much of it has to do with Spike. A lot of it has to do with working out her own personal demons and Spike happens to be, as she puts it “convenient.” She denies that they have a connection, calling him a monster, but then the next episode is back is his crypt tearing things apart and ending up under a rug.

When people break up, it is very rare that they are 100% certain of their decision. Most of the time, there is some lingering doubt. Almost all the guys who have ever broken up with me have said some iteration of the following:

“I’m sure I’ll regret this someday.”

And they always do.

It is your job to try and show them that their doubts are well founded. But don’t tell them why they made a mistake. Show them.

He may be trying to talk himself into reasons why he shouldn’t be with you. But if he’s expressed that he wants you in his life in some capacity, he likely has some feelings left over. They might be emotional and romantic, the feelings might be more of the “friend” connection that he misses or they might be sexual in nature. A big part of this recovery process is using the tools to shift your guy’s mindset from logical mode to emotional mode. Make is so that his feelings for you are so strong that he throws logic out the window because he can’t stand to not have you as his girlfriend. Pinpoint why he wants you in his life, and work to make him see the whole picture so that you are absolutely irresistible to him.

If you get the sense his feelings for you are still romantic, work on addressing the issues that you know he had with the relationship that may be keeping him from you. Really, you should be doing this anyway. This is an important step of No Contact – to evaluate yourself and your relationship.

If you think he just misses you as a friend, force him to see you in a romantic/sexual way. Up the flirting, but do not resort to having sex with him. That puts you in the dangerous friends with benefits category. Focus on small sexual innuendos, refer in passing to past sexual experiences the two of you had, and use some subtly body language. And of course, wear red and accentuate your womanly assets when hanging out. These are all tools to force him to stop seeing you as “just a friend.”

Speaking of, if you sense that’s what he wants from you, your job is to get him to see you more romantically – get him to open up and feel emotionally safe with you. See if you can get him to reminisce about a trip the two of you took. Ask him about his family, his job, the things you know are important to him. Do what you can to make him feel like he can emotionally trust you. Guys are taught by society that they should not show vulnerability, so if he is able to do that with you, it is a huge deal.

You have to approach this logically. Make a list of the important points of your interactions with him, and try to gauge what you think his intentions are. Then go on from there and make another list of what actions you need to take to force him to see you in the more romantic/sexual/friend, whichever, way.

Girlfriend material is all of these things wrapped up in one. So it is important that if you think he is zeroing in on one aspect of your relationship together, that you force him to see you as the whole package.

Free On Demand Coaching
Yes, please

He Wants to Keep You as an Option

One of the weirdest things I’ve ever experienced was breaking up with a guy, but getting jealous when he moved on. I couldn’t figure out why! I didn’t want to be with him, so why should I care if he had moved on to someone else?

I’ve come to realize that this feeling, however strange, is completely normal. We all want to be wanted, even if we don’t want the person in question. And we all want a safety net – we want to keep our options open.

Back to my Buffy and Spike analogy: After Xander and Anya break up in season 6, and Buffy has yet again spurned Spike, Anya and Spike sleep together, out of hurt and wanting comfort with another person. When Buffy finds out about the affair, it is clear that she is hurt, even though she has explicitly said over and over again that she has no feelings for Spike.

Why?

Because clearly there ARE feelings there. Even though she claims she doesn’t want to be with him.

Spike, she is hurt and jealous when he is with someone else. She enjoys keeping him around as an option.

Your ex may not want to be with you now, but they probably don’t want you to move on, either. They may want to have a security blanket, so that if they aren’t able to find someone else “better than you”, you’ll still be there, waiting in the wings.

It’s unlikely that they are thinking this consciously. But if they broke up with you and it wasn’t amicable, they probably assume that you are prepared to sit around and do a bit of waiting, so they play this hot and cold game with you to try to and hook you in, then push you away. It’s all about making sure that you are available.

My advice? Scare them. Use some of the push/pull method. Show them you’re not available to them whenever they want. This is one of the main cornerstones of being an Ungettable Girl. Do a week or so of No Contact once in a while. Post photos with other guys to get some jealousy flowing. Don’t hang out with him every time he asks, and don’t initiate all the time. Force him to chase you more – it will get him more invested if he thinks you are slipping from his reach.

Don’t let yourself be an option. Force him to view you as a choice.

He’s Toying with You

Now it could be that your ex is just a cruel mean person and is toying with you. In breakups, there are winners and losers, as much as we try and deny that fact. Your ex could be trying to get the upper hand so that he is in the position of power over you, and therefore, “winning.” He could not want you to move on – not because he wants you as an option, but because he doesn’t want anyone else to have you.

If this is the case, I want you to seriously consider if you want to be with this person. If this person is genuinely toying with you with no confusing feelings on his end, l recommend you look back on your relationship. I suspect that he has a history of being manipulative and needing to have the upper hand in relationships.

I think No Contact is what I would recommend in this case – perhaps indefinitely. I’d also recommend doing some serious soul-searching and work on yourself so that you can determine what you need to do for yourself to move forward – with or without him.

Free On Demand Coaching
Yes, please

A Balancing Act

I told someone in our Facebook group just today that I think of this process a lot like a balance scale. When you and your ex break up and he’s made it clear he still wants you in his life, you have to figure out why. It’s in that time you need to walk the fine line between the Friend Zone and Friends with Benefits. Once that scale is more or less even, I recommend doing what I suggested above – pinpoint the reason for your ex’s doubts and work on those.

In general, I would say that the majority of times an ex is indulging in Jekyll and Hyde – or “hot and cold” – behavior, it is because they are conflicted in their feelings for you. Once you have balanced the scale and have established yourself as neither “just friend” nor “friends with benefits”, you can start to get to work on making him see you as the full girlfriend package.

Hot and cold behavior means that you absolutely, positively, MUST keep your emotional cool. It’s likely that your ex will say stuff to try and ruffle you, but it is essential that you do not let them. If they bring up their dating life, say “oh, that’s nice.” Then change the subject. Act is if you couldn’t care less about what they’re doing or who they’re dating.

He also may try to bring up old arguments from the relationship. Do not indulge in this.

Think of it as a test, even if it’s not – he may be trying to see if you’ll react the same way you used to. Show him that you’ve changed. Keep your emotional cool. Treat this hot and cold behavior as part of the game and keep your eye on the big picture. Ask yourself if what he says now is really going to matter next week.

If he’s being flat out cruel, of course, don’t put up with that and stand up for yourself. As I mentioned, if he is simply toying with you, consider your reasons for wanting him back. But, in general, I would say hot and cold behavior is a positive sign. It means they’re conflicted about you. And if they’re conflicted about you, that means that you have the power to tip the scale in your favor.

It takes some time for Buffy and Spike, but they eventually come to an even, balanced place of mutual respect and admiration in season 7. And hey, I even hear they get together as an official couple in the season 9 comics!

(Written by Rachel)

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Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter

38 thoughts on “Why is My Ex Boyfriend Nice And Then Mean?”

  1. Courtney

    September 21, 2017 at 9:14 pm

    So I am a week broken up with the Ex. He broke it off with me bc lately we have been constantly fighting. Me feeling insecure as a result of his distance and then overreacting when something doesnt go my way or when I dont like something he says. The first few days after we broke up I did the typical ‘please take me back’ and ‘why dont you want me’ cries. He never ignored me and always responded but was firm that he and I were broken up. He said something however to make me think that he has not completely shut that door. While we were texting back and forth in a heated discussion, he told me that I was so busy worried about what I wasn’t getting that I failed to think about his needs. It was in this moment that I knew he was right. He also stated that if we were to come back together now it would be the same thing. So I asked if he needed time – he said that we don’t work as a couple. I don’t understand him, don’t give him space (after an argument) and we don’t like the same things. As the text exchanges went on, I asked him if ‘the door was shut’ on us –
    he very clearly stated that it was until he sees a reason to open it. I took that to mean he wants to see changes in me. At that moment I backed off and I did not contact for a couple days. We are on a softball team and we each responded to the team email advising we would be present (me first). He also stated that he had to leave early. The next day, w/o any provocation he sent a follow up email asking if there would be an issue with him leaving, and then invited the team to his bar for drinks after the game. This is game day. Later that evening he text me asking if I was going to the game to which I replied ‘yes’. He followed up by saying “I just want you to know that I will still cheer you on and help you”. I didnt respond. Backing up this was something we decided to do together as a way to bond. I have never participated in sports and he is a true athlete at heart. Before the game he made small talk with me and I was just normal. He then asked if I would be coming to the bar with the team. I told him I wasnt sure if the invite extended to me – and he confirmed it did (bc I was on the team). So we are playing all is well. He has to leave mid game, and calls out bye to me, and says to come to the bar. We won our game so I text him to tell him and he replied with the bar address. I said ‘theyre coming’ and he replied ‘you?’ and I said yes. I had to drop off a friend so I didnt get there with the team and he text me right away asking where was I. Now, when I left, we hugged and I said to him “talk to you later?” he said yes. I left my ATM card at the bar and he sounded a bit annoyed having to recover it for me when I asked him. IDK if he thinks I did that on purpose as a ploy or what, but I didn’t. When I got home, bc I live a ways away, I let him know I was home safe. He gave me a short response “coo”. To which I replied “I hope you get off soon”. Nothing. This morning I sent him a good morning text and just told him that I had so much fun and appreciate him helping to me to push outside of my comfort zone. It has been 6 hrs and nothing. I don’t know what to think; I don’t know what to do. I really want him back and I see how my faults contributed to me not getting from him what I was complaining about. I know I have to see/hear from him again bc we have a championship game next wk, and he has my ATM card. I am not planning to reach out to him, but to allow him to reach out to me. BUT idk if he needs space or if he just wants to be over and just being nice to me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 27, 2017 at 1:00 pm

      Start nc instead.. Check this one because you’re in the same team:
      EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

  2. Kate

    September 14, 2017 at 3:48 pm

    I’m in a bit of a strange predicament. We haven’t actually broken up yet, but I’ve been trying to follow a lot of the steps on this website, although slightly modified, to fit my situation. The past two weeks I’ve felt my boyfriend becoming more and more distant. He get’s annoyed easily and will sometimes up and leave after only being at my house for 5-10minutes. He’s unofficially been living with me (meaning he’s there majority of the time, has items he consistently keeps at my place, but has a home somewhere else that he actually pays rent at) and we’ve been together a little over a year. Last weekend we went four days without talking. I tried to reach out on Friday and ended up with no response. When we finally talked on Monday he said I was hypocritical when I asked why he hadn’t reached out, saying I didn’t try either and that my text on Friday was close-ended. I’m aware of the signs that he’s been trying to push me away, and he’s told me before he’s afraid of love, being five years down the line and not being in love anymore.
    What is killing me about this whole situation is that we have worked through so much worse than whatever is currently on (currently he’s distant and has trouble communicating in the ways I need him to). When we first started talking I didn’t know if I wanted to be with him or my ex. I ended up lying pretty bad over it, and one time my current boyfriend showed up at my house in between travel to see my ex leaving my house… which I had lied to him about. Now we’re coming up on almost a year of that happening, and I’m wondering if maybe that’s a reason why he’s been so strange with me? I’ve been having the hardest time trying to get him to sit down and talk with me. And when we have talked I’ve asked why he keeps pushing me away, and if he doesn’t want this why he doesn’t end it. I never seem to get a straight answer and generally end up with I don’t know’s from him when I ask him what he wants. He seems to think relationships shouldn’t need work and he refuses to acknowledge whenever he’s in the wrong. There’s a lot more to this story than I could really lay out in this comment, but I don’t know where else to go. I know that I still love him and want to work through this, but the past two weeks have been extremely stressful and hard, and I’m honestly at a loss on what I should do next.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 15, 2017 at 4:56 pm

      Hi Kate,

      Have you talked to him about that?

  3. Lynn

    September 3, 2017 at 9:37 am

    This post is perfect for my situation. I have the friendship and the physical attraction, but I can’t break his emotional barriers to get that part. And without this, I won’t get him back. What can I do to get the emotional part back without forcing him? How can I make him see me like before? I am afraid we can end up in the friends with benefits zone…

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 4, 2017 at 7:53 pm

      You’re not going to end up in that zone, if you don’t allow it.

    2. Lynn

      September 4, 2017 at 8:52 pm

      Of course not but I have these two pieces and the emotional part is missing…and I don’t know how to “awake” that. I don’t want to be needy and clingy, I managed that months ago, luckily, but I need to reconnect at that level too and I don’t want to force him…but there must be some way…

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 7, 2017 at 8:02 pm

      you said it yourself, don’t force it. The more you’re desperate for something, that you’re going to want someone to act according to what you want or for them to show what you want, and then later on forcing them for it. Be open for the possibility that he’s not the one because if you know your worth, you know he should be worried if he will lose and acts to prevent that and values you. Right now, if you’re the only one like that, that means you need to walk away. We put emotional connection to the things that we value.

  4. Penny

    September 2, 2017 at 5:28 pm

    Its been 6 months into the process of trying to win my ex back but I feel now I am currently finding the balance on the scale of just friends and friends with benefits. Ive been going on some dates and acting cool when he tries to ruffle me a bit but on my most recent date my ex offered to drive me there and back, which I found odd. He was then being persistent wanting to know whether I had been stood up or not and then asking was the guy I went on a date with bad and so forth. He also did the same a few weeks back where he did a bit of research into one of the guys I went on another date with and basically said I’ll be okay considering he got told the guy I was seeing was a bad person. Does this mean anything?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 3, 2017 at 8:40 pm

      Hi Penny,

      it’s normal to feel jealous but that doesn’t mean he’s going to commit to you, specially that you’re friends with benefits.

  5. Anon

    August 31, 2017 at 1:18 pm

    We’ve been talking fine. He usually initiates. Which I thought was good…I thought everything was going well…we’ve met up a couple times. He even paid for my lunch when we got lunch together the day before yesterday.

    But yesterday was his birthday. I didn’t forgoet, I just thought I probably shouldn’t mention it first. We were texting and he said “it’s my birthday today ” so I said “Happy birthday! You should do something fun!” And he said “probably won’t do anything, I’m just working ” and I said “You should celebrate somehow!” And he freaking said “I got asked out tonight by an old girlfriend I might go” so I just didn’t respond. And this morning he texted me good morning. But I waited until the afternoon to respond. We messaged back and forth a bit and I asked how his birthday was. He said “Good I got to hang with an old friend” and I just said “good I’m glad you had fun” and he said “lol thanks” and I stopped replying

    Why would he come back after such a long time and try to convince me to be with him and spend his birthday with another girl? At first I thought he was just making it up to guage my reaction…but now it’s really bothering me…

    My comment wouldn’t post on the other page sorry!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 31, 2017 at 7:56 pm

      That’s probably just to make you jealous, and see if it would work.. But you handled it well..You replied the right way

    2. Anon

      September 4, 2017 at 1:02 am

      I hope I handled it okay. I was kind of annoyed he tried to do that and it really hurt mu feelings.

      I haven’t tried to initiate any conversations since Wednesday (that day I asked about his birthday) But Friday he just sent “Hi” and I said “Hey what’s up” a couple hours later and he never replied. Then Saturday he sent “What’s up” and I said “Hey” an hour later and he didn’t reply to that either. Is he trying to test if I’m mad? Or if I’ll reply to him? What on earth is he doing? Should I try to initiate another conversatjin? I was worried if I did it would make it look like I was chasing him

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 7, 2017 at 7:05 pm

      Don’t overthink.. Yes, you should initiate a conversation again, because if you really want to convey to him that you’re unaffected with jealousy, you would just keep building rapport.

  6. Ana Peres

    August 29, 2017 at 1:37 am

    Hey! So my ex and I are in talking terms for a while now (about a month) after NC. He is friendly now in his responses via text message, and he also agreed to meet up with me for the first time in 2 months for coffee in a couple of days. What drives me crazy and super anxious is the time he takes to respond. Sometimes is over a day. Should I tell vim that upset me? Is this a prove of desinterest of his part? I don’t wanna get us in arguments again. Don’t know what to do..

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 31, 2017 at 8:40 am

      Hi Ana,

      Nope.. You’re trying to build rapport so arguments are risky..have you transitioned to calls?

  7. Maren

    August 29, 2017 at 12:13 am

    Hi! I need to ask you about my ex. We have started talking again after about a year on and off, and this time I feel he is serious about it. We went out on a lunch and it was really nice. I offered to pay for the bill, but he suggested instead that I payed next time we have lunch together… He texted me 3 min after we said goodbye just to tell me he had a really nice time. The problem is that I have seen a tagged picture of him with a girl, and people had commented “Oh, what a lovely couple”… yeah, I know! So I asked him at the lunch if he was seeing anyone and he got so uncomfortable. He said that he was dating someone, but he really emphasized that it wasn’t anything serious. Later that week he suggested that I could come over to his place, but I had other plans. He then said “next time!”.

    So I am wondering if he is playing me, if he only wants to hook up with me? But then again, why does he wants to meet me for lunch? And I dont think he would ever do that to me because we cared deeply for each other.I am just confused that he is seeing someone else (even though he says its nothing serious), because if he really wanted me he would have dumped her.

    What do you think?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 31, 2017 at 8:38 am

      Hi Maren,

      Yup, he looks like he’s playing you.

  8. Luisa

    August 28, 2017 at 1:50 pm

    Okay so long story short: amazing three year relationship, sort of a messy breakup since it wasn’t a clean cut, kept hooking up for six months (and basically keeping the relationship dynamic just without the official tittle) then I did no contact and while I was doing that, he started dating this girl that he kept trash talking while we were still together… all of this pointed out to a rebound relationship, still now they’ve been together for a year. However, after no contact we started talking again and it was good, casual.. a bit petty from time to time because he rubbed his new relationship on my face, but technically we were on good terms.

    The new year comes and we barely barely talk.. A common friend told me that my ex said that he was keeping his distance until “things calmed down” (what things i don’t know.. it had been months since the breakup and he had a new relationship and all), yet he wrote to me once asking “what happened to us” and when I answered he basically tells me that he just wanted to see my answer and later when I tell him that this is rude he apologized and said that right now he doesn’t want to talk about it.

    Cut to the new uni semester.. we’ve run into each other a couple of times, one of them at the gym (we met at the entrance, and the he suggested we meet at the cardio room to chat, and we did and then he was like “I’ll see you at the weights room” and we did.. so it was like him insisting on us chatting) and the other one was last week..he saw me with a guy friend and I think he was in a really bad mood..that’s the impression I got, but he was still nice to me.

    Now, on Thursday I saw him with his gf, and I walked right past them minding my own business, the following day was his birthday.. and I didn’t wish him a HBD, because while we were together we would normally celebrate everything a day late, so on Saturday I sent him the cute voice note wishing him well, telling him I cared for him and that I wish he was happy, that I have fond memories of him (we’ve been friends since we were 8), I talked about game of thrones and cake. It was a cute and funny message that clearly showed he had been important in my life… and all he answered was that he was in class that he would listen to it later, and that’s it… It’s been two days..

    I’m a little bit hurt and I can’t find logic behind his actions..

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 28, 2017 at 7:32 pm

      Hi Luisa,

      You’re friendzoned. Since you slept with him after the break up, you have to be careful that that’s the reason he’s being nice to you again. If I were you, by now, I’m moving on.

  9. Cara

    August 27, 2017 at 8:50 pm

    Hi, so I think in my case my ex is keeper by me as an option… he apologized to me a very genuine apology (which is unlike him) 6 months ago by text. I can tell he’s had mutual acquaintances contact me out if the blue and weave in the convo a question to find out if I’m dating or not. A month ago I initiated a text asking how he was doing and he was engaging and even asked me out. Two weeks after that he initiated a check in text to tell he had some big things going on that weekend to imply he couldn’t get together . Okay… that’s good… then a week later my ex mistakenly posted a dating app link on his fb wall. I had a friend who’s on the dating app check and he’s in fact on there , matched with my friend and even messaged her suggesting they text etc., but he never followed up with her. I knew he was on a dating site before and would often see him have his Facebook on AND the dating site on at re same time . I’ve seen him go on /off the dating site multiple times in an hour whenever I’ve posted a attractive ne pic of me ok Facebook. So I’m confused , he’s now on the dating app,,(does that mean he’s over me?) ,,but texts me about getting together, yet sends me an apology which is huge for a guy. Am I the option or is he toying with me? I don’t like being treated like an option. The apology confused me even more . It’s like he takes 2 steps forward and 5 steps back. What else can I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 28, 2017 at 2:35 pm

      It looks like he just apologized to clear his conscience and now he’s just being friendly

    2. Cara

      August 28, 2017 at 6:01 pm

      I get what you’re saying but for him to apologize seems like he’s keeping me as a dormant option? I mean why did he bother texting me recently and say he’d catch up with me later . Then there’s the comparing me on fb and dating sites , showing as active as soon as I post anything . To me they are little nuggets /clues of info .. but I guess it’s hard for me to accept what you’re saying .

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 28, 2017 at 8:13 pm

      That’s actually what I sort of meant. I agree he does keep you an option, but that’s a good thing. Because at this point, it’s more likely that he sees you as the easy option, not because he still has feeling and he wants to try.

    4. Cara

      September 4, 2017 at 2:07 am

      Okay update… he texfedvme a “how’s your weekend going ” text last night an hour after I posted a picture at a restaurant , no one was in the pic but after I posted it my friend pointed out that there a reflection of a guy at the table which was unintentional but it seemed to work! So that’s 3 times he’s initiated in the past 6 weeks after 6 months no contact , I am happy the advice he works .

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 7, 2017 at 7:36 pm

      That’s good! 🙂

  10. Confused

    August 27, 2017 at 1:02 pm

    Hi! First I wanted to say this site is amazing and really helpful.
    My exbf and I where together for 2 years, then broke up 6 months ago but I still have strong feelings for him. I started NC right away, started building rapport and this few weeks he would text me, go out with me, touch my hair and all kinds of cute stuff, he even agreed to the “big date” and it was great. When we where on this date, I asked if he was having fun with all of this happening and he said yes, but then went on to tell me that it was kind of weird that we texted and talked over the phone so much, I asked why and he droped the friendzone bomb. He said that we were better off keeping things just like they were now so that we could be friends, that he’d given a lot of thought to it and at first he was confused, but now he knows those feelings were just nostalgia, that our relationship was amazing but is over now and he hopes we can be friends in the future, on top of this, he asked if we could still hang out with our group of friends. I made it clear I couldn’t be his friend and that was it, we ended our date nicely and went separate ways. Haven’t talked to him since (2 days ago). What do you think I should do? Restart NC? I feel he still wants me in his lifePs. We go to college together, but limited contact works just fine.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 27, 2017 at 2:23 pm

    2. Confused

      August 27, 2017 at 4:26 pm

      Thanks for replying! For how long do you suggest I do NC?

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 28, 2017 at 1:45 pm

      You’re welcome! At least 30 days

  11. Amy

    August 26, 2017 at 8:54 pm

    How would we know which reason is behind his behaviour?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 27, 2017 at 1:49 pm

      you have to assess his past actions and how much you know him

    2. Amy

      August 27, 2017 at 2:21 pm

      He never does what I expect him to do! He is unpredictable! That’s what makes things complicated!

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 28, 2017 at 12:46 pm

      Not predict, but analyze what he already did in the past, when you were together and when you broke up

  12. Amy

    August 25, 2017 at 3:18 am

    If my ex is acting hot/cold and not sure of what he wants (exactly like the article described) also probably keeping me there as an option. What’s the best way to approach this situation and the way i should communicate with him? Should i mirror his actions to give him the urge to commit? Ie text and flirt then disappear, reschedule dates etc?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 26, 2017 at 12:20 pm

      it depends on the situation.. it’s not always like that.. if he’s dating another girl, you have to take a different approach.

    2. Amy

      August 26, 2017 at 1:55 pm

      Thanks amor! He’s not dating anyone but probably talking casually to some girls at the side. How should i approach it if this is so?

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 27, 2017 at 12:58 pm

      nothing, if he’s with somebody else, that’s when you need to be careful. But you’re not suppose to know he’s dating somebody else unless he tells you. So, just act normal.

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