Probably the most consistent question that people ask me in our Private Facebook Community is,
“Jen, how do I know if my ex is still in love with me?”
In this post I’m going to teach you the most common behaviors that you can expect an ex to exhibit if they are still in love with you.
I’m also going to be sharing a few new case studies that I’ve never shared anywhere else before to illustrate my point.
Let’s get started.
5 Signs That Mean Your Ex Is Still In Love With You
Initially you may not think five signs is a lot when it comes to understanding if your ex is still in love with you.
I’ll admit, there are probably a lot more than five signs out there. However, what I really wanted to focus on were the most common signs that I am seeing in my work with clients.
Here is the breakdown,
- Your ex will find reasons to text you (sometimes ridiculous reasons)
- Your ex will start to invest more time into you
- Your ex may reach out to your family and friends
- Your ex may start to buy you gifts
- Your ex will act jealous
These signs may not seem revolutionary to you but what makes them revolutionary are the case studies I have to back some of them up.
I always believe that you learn more by seeing the experience of others first hand and that is what I hope to accomplish with this post.
Let’s get started.
Sign #1: Your Ex Will Find Reasons To Text You
I wanted to start off with a bang so I’m going to tell you a story.
At the beginning of this year I began working with a client who found herself in a very difficult position.
Her ex had broken up with her out of the blue and had taken up with another woman. Initially, when I began working with her I thought her situation would be among the most difficult that I’ve ever taken on.
However, after following the process outlined here my client began to see some slow results.
Strangely enough my clients birthday happened to fall right in the middle of her no contact rule. That’s when she received this text,
You may be wondering who “Rocky” is, right?
Well, it’s not this guy,
No, Rocky was her dog.
Yes, you read that right.
Her ex texted her about buying a present for her dog.
It’s ridiculous, right?
Here’s the thing. I’ve noticed that when an ex still has feelings for you a common thing for them to do is to find any reason to reach out to you.
As a general rule of thumb, the more ridiculous the reason for reaching out to you the more likely it is that they still have feelings for you.
Sign #2: Your Ex Will Start To Invest More Time In You
My husband often talks about “the interdependence theory.”
He uses it as a primary foundation for how to make an ex commit to you.
If you want a quick explanation this is the best I can do for you,
Interdependence Theory: When human beings are making commitment decisions they use a pro (benefits) and cons (costs) list. Ultimately they will commit to the person they feel has more pros than cons.
My husband even digs deeper and starts talking about three things that human beings use to compile their “pro and cons” list.
Interestingly, when scientists studied these three factors they determined that human beings will actually stay in a relationship they are unhappy with if they feel they’ve invested too much.
Therefore, investment seems to be one of the most important facts when you look at getting someone to commit.
The problem with that is that there is a huge misconception about what investment is.
A lot of people look at it like it’s only something involving money.
But money is just one type of thing someone can do to invest into the relationship. Here’s a few more examples of what investment can be,
- Spending Money
- Opening Up To You In A Way Your Ex Never Has Before
- Spending Time With You
- Relying On You Above All Others
Here’s my point.
If your ex starts investing more of their time and emotional energy into your relationship. It’s a sign that they still might be in love with you.
Sign #3: Your Ex May Reach Out To Your Family And Friends
I hate that I’m about to tell you this because quite frankly it annoys me but I had to ask for help on this article.
I actually went to my husband and asked him if there was anything he could shine some light on so I could really illustrate this sign.
He told me a really interesting story.
When he was 19 years old he went through his first breakup ever and probably like yours it wasn’t exactly what you would call a “calm breakup.”
At 19 the breakup devastated him and he started feeling emotions that he had never experienced before. One of the ways that he would try to “expel” these emotions was by talking to his exes best friend.
He said that there was a window where he wanted his ex back and the following thought crossed through his mind,
“Maybe if I could just talk to her best friend she’ll catch wind of it and look at me in a new light.”
Here’s what I think he’s getting at.
When someone is heartbroken and still has feelings for you it’s not such a stretch to believe that they are going to reach out to those who are close to you.
It’s their very strange way of trying to be close with you.
Sign #4: Your Ex May Start To Buy You Gifts
Technically speaking this sign is just another form of investment (refer to sign #2 for that.) However, it’s something that I see happening so commonly that I felt it deserved it’s own “sign.”
The thing I’d really like to touch on here is the fact that there are different levels of gifts.
I’ll never forget the advice I gave to one of my first coaching clients that revolutionized the way she looked at relationships. I was explaining this concept of investment to her and we brainstormed an amazing idea.
The end goal my client wanted to achieve was to have her ex ask for her back.
So, I suggested that one way to do this was to get him to invest a lot of time, energy and money into their relationship.
We accomplished this by planning to progressively get him to up the intensity of the gifts that he was buying her.
(Since he was already buying small gifts for her.)
Notice how at the beginning she is only dropping hints of liking flowers with the hope that he’ll buy her flowers. But as time goes on and her ex bought her more gifts the gifts themselves become more extravagant.
- Taking her to dinner
- Taking her to the opera
- Taking her on a boat ride around the city
By getting her ex to invest more in the gifts he was already buying for her it forced him to confront the reality of how he really felt for this beauty he was buying all these gifts for.
Sign #5: Your Ex Will Act Jealous
I don’t care what anyone says,
Jealousy = Good
In my book, if your ex is showing his or her jealous side it means something. After all, we don’t get jealous if we find our previous exes who we are over start dating or showing interest in someone else.
I’ve only ever been jealous of someone that I have feelings for and I think most human beings are that way.
Sure, you can envy someones position in life and be jealous of that but that’s not the kind of jealousy that I am referring to here.
Now, what I am talking about here is being jealous specifically of someone else showing interest in your previous romantic partner or having your previous romantic partner show interest in someone else.
You are only jealous because on some level you still care very deeply.
Essentially you go to dinner with someone, it doesn’t matter what gender the person is. Once you get your food out you take a picture of your food with that persons arm in the picture,
The idea here is that if you post that picture with someones arm in the picture your ex will grow jealous.
It sounds stupid but according to Chris he got the idea on a coaching call after hearing that this exact thing happened to one of his clients.
Apparently she had posted a picture of her food (without knowledge that this persons arm was in the picture) innocently not even trying to make her ex jealous.
Of course, she got this text a few hours later,
Can you imagine how obsessive that persons ex is?
For him to notice some random persons arm.
That ex is still very much in love for him to have a reaction that way.
That’s my take.
Let’s recap everything that we learned today.
- Often times the more ridiculous the reason your ex uses to get ahold of you the more likely they still have feelings
- Investment can mean a lot more than money. How much time your ex is spending with you is something you really have to keep an eye on.
- My husband when through a breakup and contacted his exes best friend (what an doofus.)
- Progressively raise the intensity if you find that your ex is buying you gifts. Find a way to up the ante.
- Jealousy = your ex still has feelings for you
As always, I encourage people to comment on my articles because my husband and I try to answer every single comment we get. The more the merrier!