“Is love enough?”
The other day one of the ladies in the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Private Facebook Group proposed this question.
The answer to this is pretty simple.
Love isn’t always enough.
Life isn’t a movie where love conquers all, no matter the cost. However, I do have my favorite show I like to use as an example in situations like this.
As Angel says to Buffy in season 2:
Angel: This isn’t some fairy tale. When I kiss you, you don’t wake up from a deep sleep and live happily ever after.
Buffy: No. When you kiss me, I wanna die.
-Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “Reptile Boy”
We are going to talk about Buffy and Angel a fair amount in this article, so buckle up and get ready.
Buffy and Angel have a “Romeo and Juliet” star-crossed-lovers type of love. Deeply in love, but destined to always be apart because of their respective destinies. That happens when you are about 7 decades apart in age.
Although Angel leaves at the end of season 3 for his own spinoff series, he returns to Sunnydale many times during the next 4 seasons. The connection between the two of them is still electric.
Buffy and Angel are the best TV example of a couple who love each other but can’t be together that I can think of.
I know it negative and bleak. But, you are here because you want to get your ex back. The good news is you are not a vampire slayer in love with a 240-year-old vampire, so you have a leg up on those two crazy kids.
Maybe your ex is like some of mine. He broke up with you, but he still said he loves you. But, for whatever reason, the two of you can’t be together.
If he still loves you, you are automatically in a good spot to get him back. It’s all about convincing his emotional side that it would be worth it to give another go. Then it will override the logical side that made the decision in the first place.
But we’ll talk more about that later on.
Maybe you’re not sure if your ex still loves you. Maybe you’re getting mixed signals. He’s keeping his true reasons close to his chest.
We’re going to talk about that today;
- Does He Still Love You or Think Of You?
- Signs Your Ex Still Loves You Or Has Feelings For You
- Signs Your Ex Wants You Back
Let’s get started!
Does He Still Love You or Think Of You?
Of course, your ex still thinks of you.
Heck, I still think about exes that I dated a decade ago on occasion…. not always fondly, granted, but I do think of them.
As for if he still loves you, that territory is a little trickier to discern. There are signs though. We will get to that in a little bit though. But first I want to touch on something that I think is more important than your ex’s feelings toward you.
Stick with me here.
Do you love you?
You are so busy wondering if your ex loves you. I wonder if you are giving yourself what you should; love, introspection, and self-care.
This is something I see a lot of in the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Facebook Group.
Often, people are so focused on their ex that they don’t give attention to one of the most important steps of the Ex Recovery Process. That step is No Contact.
It’s not enough to not talk to your ex during that time. You have to take the time to focus on yourself.
You are unforgettable, and your ex is not going to forget about you. I mean, unless he suffers from some sort of serious head injury or something.
Don’t focus on what your ex is doing, thinking, or feeling during those 30, 21, or 45 days of No Contact. Throw yourself into activities that make you feel good. Concentrate on the Holy Trinity of Health, Wealth and Relationships.
Take that time during No Contact to be introspective about your relationship. Ask yourself,
“Was that relationship serving my best interest?”
Ex Boyfriend Recovery has a ton of success stories from women who got their ex boyfriends back. However, there is another type of success. That is moving on.
Ex Boyfriend Recovery isn’t just about getting your ex back. Although, we can absolutely help you with that! It is also about recovering from the trauma of your breakup and finding yourself again. Sometimes that means moving on.
Take the time to be kind to yourself and do some inner work.
Many women started this journey wanting to get their ex back. But, in the end, they decided to move on to something better. Through the process, they found something even more valuable, a love for themselves.
Signs Your Ex Still Loves You Or Has Feelings For You
Okay, I’ll step down off of my self-love soapbox. We’re going to get into the nitty-gritty details of how I know your ex still feels emotionally connected to you.
It all boils down to the fact that, even if he is distant in one way or another, he is interested in what you’re doing.
But what does that interest look like?
I told you we’d be using a lot of examples with Buffy and Angel.
Like I said before, they harbored a deep love for one another.
They always had one another’s backs, even though they couldn’t be together. It was clear the love wasn’t dead.
Whenever there was an apocalypse, they would come to each other’s aid. SPOILER ALERT! When Buffy died, Angel was inconsolable. And when Joyce, Buffy’s mom, passed of a brain aneurysm, Angel was there for her while she grieved.
Angel: I can stay in town as long as you want me.
Buffy: How’s forever? Does forever work for you?
-Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “Forever”
They cared for one another, even if they are not together. They show up in the hard times and continue to touch base.
You should know that life isn’t like my favorite TV show.
You don’t face an Apocolypse every other week.
So what are some real-world signs that your ex may still care about you?
So, your ex is the one to start getting the ball rolling in many of your interactions together. Whether it is texts, phone calls, or asking to hang out… he initiates.
If he is making sure that the two of you stay in contact, he, at least, wants to keep you in his life. At best, this could mean that he is reconsidering the split.
I recommend backing off a bit a few weeks into developing rapport. This creates an opportunity to observe his reaction andif he re-initiates. Keep track of it. Is it 60/40? What can you do to get it to 70/30? This requires being patient and keeping your cool though. You may go a couple days without hearing from him.
He Asks Questions
As human beings, we are naturally selfish creatures. Our favorite subject tends to be ourselves. So, if your ex continuously asks questions
“How was your day?”
Do you have big plans this weekend?”
He could be asking because he is genuinely interested. He could be asking because he wants to know if you are moving on.
Most of the time, people ask questions like this out of politeness, so if he asks, pay attention to his reaction. It could be that he is still harboring feelings for you and is curious how you are enjoying your life without him. Speaking of his reaction, that breings me to the next point.
He Exhibits Jealousy
Curiosity is always a pretty good sign. And if your ex appears particularly curious about your dating life, it is a good idea to play coy.
Keep it a mystery.
One of the best things you can do is to give your ex a sense of that urgency. He shoud feel like, if doesn’t swoop you up some other guy will.
He may ask directly about your dating life. My ex did that.
Or he may like a photo of you out and about on Instagram and simply ask you what you were doing in that particular place. This is why social media can be your friend whether you are dating around or not!
He Tells You
This is the simplest way to tell. Yet, it is the hardest for him.
In this day and age, it is rare for a man to just say how he feels, expecially if he’s unsure how it will be received.
Although, some exes really do lay it out this clearly.
The thing is, if he is telling you this, it’s either because he wants to get back together. I could also be that he does love you but there are reasons why the two of you shouldn’t be together.
Which is what we are going to talk about next!
He Loves You… But…
Now, just because your ex has feelings for you, doesn’t necessarily mean he wants you back. Most men are very logical creatures. Even if they feel something deeply, they have this uncanny ability to try and smother it. The good news is, there are things you can do to sway his opinion and make him realize he’d be an idiot to not want a second chance with you.
You’re never really going to know if he wants you back or not unless he straight up says something. The signs he wants you back are kind of similar to the points in the above section – if he shows an interest.
But what if he shows an interest and says he has feelings for you, but still thinks the two of you shouldn’t get back together?
This is one of the most frustrating scenarios because it puts you in a position of trying to change someone’s mind.
It’s not simple or easy.
And how does one do that?
The Interdependence Theory!
It’s all about getting his logical side on board with his emotional side. The goal of this would be getting him to realize that that the two of you have is important and worth taking a chance for.
Keep all of your conversations light and pleasant.
You shouldn’t bring up emotional topics like your past. And all jealousy tactics should be subtle, especially if there was a breach of trust in the relationship.
Keeping your emotional cool is essential.
Your ex may and likely will say things that upset you.
He may talk about other girls or try to revisit the negatives of your relationship.
Don’t fall for this. If he sees you get emotional, he will be validated in his assessment that a relationship between the two of you wouldn’t work.
Think of your guy’s brain like a balancing scale. One side is the logic, and the other is his emotions. Most men have a tendency to be logic to a fault. Even if he still loves and care for you, the logical side of his brain may stil;l say that he shouldn’t be with you.
How do you change his mind?
Show him things are different, that you’ve changed, and the two of you can begin a new relationship with a more or less blank slate. Overloading him with promises that you will change is not going to cut it. Actions speak louder than words.
Our articles and books on becoming an “Ungettable Girl” can help you in this department.
Does your ex still love you?
I don’t know.
Only you know the details surroudning your breakup. However, we’ve laid out some good signs for you that may that will help you determine if he still has residual feelings for you.
However, just because he has feelings does not mean that he is ready to jump back into a relationship with you. It is essential that you do the work during No Contact so that you arethe best version of yourself when you and your ex begin building rapport again.
He should be able see the change in you without even have to look too hard.
More importantly, make these changes for YOU. Relationship may come and go, but you have to enjoy your own company for the rest of your life.
Many people come into the Ex Boyfriend Recovery program seeking tools to help them get their ex back. But the “recovery” we offer is two-fold. We also give you the tools to help you be happy with yourself and move on to a happier life with or without your ex.
Remember, it’s almost always seems exes tend to make a return once you’ve started moving on and are content with your life.
Alright, now that you have all of the infomration, I want to have a conversation with you. In the comments below, tell me about your breakup and how you reacted afterwards. Our experts will help you determine what your best course of action is moving based on your personal situation.