What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

Ahh.. Jealousy! Making Your Ex Boyfriend Jealous

Make no mistake about it, jealousy is a very powerful emotion. If it is used correctly it can be the driving force behind getting your ex boyfriend back. There is just one problem, most people have no idea how to correctly use it. I was reading a relationship article about jealousy the other day from a pretty well known relationship coach. His article basically went on to say that you should never use jealousy to try to get your ex back. The truth is, he is talking about using jealousy the wrong way to get your ex back. If you use jealousy in a smart way it is almost guaranteed to bring up previous romantic feelings that your ex had for you.

A Note About My Site

I promise you that my site is different from anything out there right now. Not only is my information more interesting and in-depth but I am extremely involved. That means that if you leave a comment I will respond to it personally. If you email me via the contact form I will probably get back to you within the day. I wanted to create a resource where women/and men could come and get top quality advice on getting their exes back. The truth of the matter is that the amount of free information that actually works is a rare commodity but I think I have done a pretty good job of leading the way in that regard. Anyways, lets talk a little about jealousy.

What This Page Is About

I want you to view this page as the “ultimate guide” to making your ex boyfriend jealous. Now, I can’t guarantee that the tactics on this page will make him jealous because lets be honest, your boyfriend is a human being and most human beings are impossible to control. With that being said, I have seen many of the tactics outlined on this page work for many of the women I communicate with. Here is what we will be covering today:

  • Why jealousy is so powerful.
  • I am going to give you a gameplan to make your ex jealous.
  • How the NCR works with jealousy.
  • Specific text messages that can be used to make your ex jealous.

So, that is what this page will be covering.

The Power Of Jealousy

art-thou-jealous

Most men aren’t as complicated as you would believe. A married friend of mine once told me a little about the psychology behind a mans thinking and I happen to agree with him. It goes like this, most men forget how good they have it when they have been dating or married for an extended period of time. This usually means that the man will ignore his woman and her needs. Here is the kicker though, if a couple like the one I am describing (a man who is comfortable and not tending to his woman’s needs) go out to a bar and the woman starts flirting with other guys the dynamic will completely change. The “comfortable” man will no longer be so comfortable. All kinds of thoughts will be going through his head: anger, worry, jealousy, insecurity. The man will feel the need to protect his “property” and while he may be initially angry, if you play your cards right his behavior will completely change and you will start getting paid attention to.

The end lesson here: women have ultimate power over men!

Now, the “mock” situation I talked about above doesn’t apply to your situation perfectly (since your boyfriend is now your ex) but I guarantee that if you play your cards right bringing up those “protective” feelings in your man is very possible.

A Word..

Before you even attempt to make your ex jealous lets talk a little about what you want your ultimate goal to be. If you want to make your ex boyfriend jealous for the sake of making him jealous then I don’t think this is the page for you. I wrote this page with the intention of helping women use jealousy to win back their exes. So, if you want to make him jealous to bring out his protective and romantic side then this is the right page for that.

That is really what you are trying to accomplish here. You don’t want to make him jealous to rub it in his face. You want to make him jealous to remind him of what he is missing out on.

Your Jealousy Game Plan

What I am going to do now is give you a brief overview of how to properly use jealousy and then I will talk about each aspect in-depth. Reference the graphic below to understand your jealousy gameplan!

jealousy plan

The No Contact Rule

The no contact rule is a must if you want to make your ex jealous. In fact, it is essential if you want to get your ex boyfriend back. I don’t want to go into too much detail here about it because I have done multiple in-depth posts about it already like this one. However, I will give you a short synopsis of how the no contact rule is supposed to work.

The No Contact Rule- You are not allowed to contact your ex in any way after the breakup for a minimum of 30 days.

How The NC Rule Works In Tandem With Jealousy

Alright, now that you have an idea of what the no contact rule is I am going to talk a little bit about the things you can do during the no contact period that can will your ex jealous. Ideally, after a breakup you need to give your ex some space (which is kind of what the no contact rule is for.) However, I don’t want to give you the impression that you are going to sit around during these 30 days of no contact and count your fingers (your not going to make your ex jealous that way.) Instead, I am going to ask you to do a few things.

Do Something During The No Contact Period… Anything

I get a lot of emails every single day (random fact- I have 9 unanswered emails in my inbox just from today) and one of the most common mistakes I see from women is the fact that they don’t do anything at all during the no contact period. Here is how it usually goes, they tell me that they can’t wait to start the no contact period one day and then two days later they email me back saying something like:

“Well, I broke NC and texted him.”

picard

Here is the problem I have with this. When I ask women “what did you do during those two days?” they usually tell me that they didn’t do anything……

DID YOU EVEN READ EX BOYFRIEND RECOVERY PRO???

Look, if you want to make your ex boyfriend jealous I seriously want you to spend those 30 days NOT thinking about him. I want you to go down the checklist I am about to provide and address all of the things on it.

Disclaimer: Some of the things on this list WILL make you uncomfortable but I am not in the business of being nice for the sake of being nice I am trying to give you advice that will help make your ex jealous and hopefully put you in a position to where you can get him back.

  • Get in the best shape of your life.
  • If you have acne I want you to get medicine to treat it
  • If you are uncomfortable with your teeth (they are bad) I want you to go to a dentist.
  • I want you to go out with your friends and have a lot of fun (take pictures, lots of pictures they will come in handy later.)
  • Buy the sexiest outfit ever (not too revealing though.)
  • Get a sexy haircut. I want you to look at yourself in the mirror after this haircut and go “OMG, I look like a goddess.” (too corny?)

No Contact Facebook Jealousy

facebook your doing it wrong

Disclaimer: This method will only work if you are still friends with your ex on Facebook. If you are no longer friends with him then don’t try to friend him… yet.

It’s amazing how big Facebook has gotten. I can remember back when I was in high school no one was talking about Facebook. All the rage was with MySpace. Funny how quickly that changed though. Anyways, I am going to give you the Facebook breakup jealousy rules now. I have found that the rules I am about to describe are the most effective at making your ex a little jealous.

  • After the breakup get rid of 95% of the pictures with you and your ex boyfriend. Pick out maybe one or two that your really like and keep them (you don’t want your ex to think he doesn’t have a chance at all to get back with you.)
  • Remember when I told you to take lots of pictures of you having fun with friends? Post those pictures.
  • If you have taken any pictures with guys while you were out having fun post those too. DO NOT post a picture of you kissing a guy. Trust me, this will hurt your chances of getting your ex back big time.
  • If your ex “likes” one of your photos or status updates do not do anything, just let it be.
  • Do not “like” any of your ex boyfriends updates or pictures. Just leave him be for now.

Dating During No Contact?

dating bear

If you are an avid reader of this site then you may be aware that I am very much in favor of going out on a date with someone new during the no contact period. Actually, if you reference the “Ex Boyfriend Jealousy Plan” above you will notice that I put “Dating” as the last little bubble. When I said dating in the bubble above I meant dating other people. I am actually talking about it in this section because I believe that going out on a date (even if you have no intention of actually dating the person) is best to do during the no contact period.

Now, I will say that this is a completely optional step but it can be very effective. Especially if your ex boyfriend catches wind of it. I want you to take a moment and imagine how you have felt when, in your previous relationships you caught wind that your ex went out on a date with a new girl. Now, imagine your ex feeling that very emotion. Sure, he will be angry and sad but I promise you at the end of the day he is going to question why he ever let you go.

Building Rapport With Your Boyfriend

texting

Now, if you followed my no contact advice above perfectly then I would imagine your ex has already gotten jealous but in the case that he hasn’t, don’t worry, we haven’t even gotten to the best stuff but we are about to! Eventually your no contact period of 30 days is going to end. The question is, what are you supposed to do then? Well, now it is time to open communication with your ex via text messaging. Why text messaging, well I wrote a whole article on it here.

Now, I am aware that you are looking for an exact step by step method for what you need to say to your ex but I am not going to get into that here because this page is supposed to only be about the ways you can make your ex jealous (I actually put together a guide about how you can use texting to get your ex back already.) What I will do is give you a few ground rules that you need to follow when contacting your ex.

  • You should aim to be in control of the conversation at all times.
  • If he doesn’t respond then DO NOT text him again. Wait a few days and try again.
  • Patience really is a virtue. You need to be very patient and realize that this is not going to happen overnight.
  • If you get angry or upset simply bow out of the conversation.
  • Don’t try to fix your broken relationship over a text message, it won’t work.
  • Don’t ask to meet up with your ex boyfriend.
  • Do not use texting as a booty call (you’d be surprised.)

(If you want more tips on how to text your ex I recommend picking up “The Texting Bible.”

Showing That You Are In Control Of The Conversation

control freak

This is so important that I gave it it’s very own section.

(I even talk about it in The Texting Bible.)

Showing that you have control of the conversation is very important for a number of reasons. In college, I began to notice a pattern between the girls I liked and the girls I didn’t like anymore. You see, I will admit that I am a little complicated. I can see a pretty girl and like her immediately. However, if she doesn’t challenge me, intellectually or emotionally, I will lose interest. One thing that I noticed between the girls that held my interest and the ones that didn’t was that girls who allowed me to be in control of the conversation didn’t interest me as much.

For me, and most other guys, it is a case of “Oh, I can have her anytime I want because I can tell she is trying too hard to get me.” Of course, the flip scenario goes like this. A girl who dominated the conversation literally can have men wrapped around her finger. I am not afraid to admit that I have been reduced to feeling pathetic by some girls because they felt they “could have me” anytime they wanted. I have named the phenomenon I described her as being “ungettable”

The “Ungettable” Persona- A type of persona that a girl can display. She basically has so much confidence that she reduces a guy into thinking that he can’t get her which really turns 85% of guys on. Achieving this persona is essential if you want to get your ex boyfriend back.

Achieving the ungettable persona is not easy. However, one thing that all “ungettable” girls have in common is that they dominate any conversation they are in with the opposite sex. So, I suppose the question now becomes, how do you dominate a texting conversation?

Well, luckily for you I have been on the receiving end of quite a few ungettable girls so I can tell you some of the tactics that they were able to use on me that proved to be pretty effective.

Ungettable Texting Dominance Example 1

The example below is an exact conversation I had with an unnamed “ungettable” girl. Notice how in this particular conversation she ended everything with a simple “hahahaha” and never responded to my texts after that. Now, this tactic was risky and only really worked on me because I clearly had feelings for the girl. Nevertheless, I was the one putting more effort into the conversation which meant she was in control.

jealousy text

Ungettable Texting Dominance Example 2 (What Not To Do)

I wanted to include this example, even though it is personally very embarrassing to me. Remember, I am just going through my phone in the last six months and pulling out conversations with girls who I really really really liked. A couple of things to note: this girl was probably the most attractive girl I have ever met. She came up and asked to dance with me at a local bar. Anyways, she dominated the conversation so much that I literally felt like I had no chance so I just gave up even though I really liked her. So, this is kind of an example of what NOT to do.

example 2 not to do

There is a lot more to the story but as you can see she dominated the very first conversation we had. I really liked her so I texted her the next day but I could never find my groove. I always felt like I wasn’t good enough and she would simply bow out of the conversations whenever she would like.

Bowing Out Of The Conversations By Not Responding- This is a pretty effective way to establish control. However, if you do it too much the guy will think he doesn’t have a chance with you. That was what happened above. So, I say if you are going to use this tactic make sure you use it sparingly.

Ungettable Texting Dominance Example 3 (Recommended)

I think that this example is really the perfect way to “control” the conversation. This is another example out of my phone with a girl who I liked once upon a time. I actually sat next to her in a college class and we developed a friendship. Once again, she wasn’t too beautiful but she definitely had the “ungettable” persona. Now, I want to note a couple of things: Notice how she had me hooked in the conversation. Also, the way she ended the conversation first was perfect. She sent the last two texts really closely together so I didn’t even have time to respond before she “had to go.”

example 3

Jealousy Texts

(For more jealousy text messages I recommend picking up The Texting Bible.)

Since we are on the subject of texting lets talk a little about the most important type of text if you want to make your ex boyfriend jealous, the jealousy texts. Using jealousy via a text message is a subtle art. In a way, you want to make your ex aware that you are out having fun with other guys that aren’t him but it won’t go over too well if you straight up text him “hey I was out on a date last night and I did blah blah blah.” Yeaaa…. you need to be really subtle at the way you work jealousy into your text messages. I am going to give you two really clever examples below that demonstrate this point. Now, there are thousands of ways to work jealousy into a text message but you are going to have to get creative because I am just going to give you these two examples (I am getting a little tired of writing to be honest haha.)

Romantic Movie

The romantic movie jealousy text I can’t take credit for. A guy named Michael Fiore really came up with it but I actually think it is really clever. Basically, you text your ex that you went to see a romantic movie with a friend (you don’t specify if the friend is male or female.) The fact that the words romantic and friend are placed so close together in the text will make your ex boyfriend wonder a little bit.

romantic movie text

Was That You?

This is another text that I can’t take credit for. Again, Mr. Fiore deserves all the credit. Basically, in this text your are going to send your ex boyfriend a message saying something like “was that you at (place you frequent) last night.” If you want to get really aggressive with it you can add in “if it was, you looked really good ;)”

jealousy (did I see you at)

Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter

438 responses to “Ahh.. Jealousy! Making Your Ex Boyfriend Jealous”

  1. sarah says:

    Hi there,
    So I have not seen/talked to my ex since we broke up 2 months ago, and this is our second break up. We were together for over 2 years. He broke up with me because according to him we are in different life stages (he’s focusing on his career, and i’m still in college), and although he loves me, we simply “don’t work”. In that 2 months he did not reach out to me. He also deleted every trace of us on his Facebook. He also remade Instagram and made it private, and so I can’t see what he’s posting. However, I know he has looked at my Instagram a few times a month. I’ve been very active in the 2 months, so thats good.. A few days ago, he saw my Instagram story which featured a guy. Do you think this would make him jealous? Or do you think that he would be disinterested now that it looks like I’m moving on to a new guy?
    The reason why I haven’t reached out to him is because I don’t know what to say, and I’m afraid of getting rejected… Help? Thanks!

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Sarah,

      don’t assume.. if you wanted to try, you have to act..because prolonging rejection, doesn’t increase your chances. Yes it hurts to be rejected but at least, if you are rejected, you can start to move on instead.

  2. Marie says:

    Hello, my boyfriend broke up with me this past Monday. He is all over Facebook now and commenting and posting memes. He tells other girls they are pretty. Sometimes adds a kiss emoji. It makes me so mad. When he broke up with me he told me he just wanted to be alone and I deserved better than him anyway. I think he was referring to his drinking problem. He’s a loner and likes to drink at home. The problem is I’m at a point of no return. I love him and am willing to still be with him. Anyway, he text me the day after the break up and said he wants to remain friends. I responded by saying….OK hon, have a good day. 3 more days pass and then he called me while he was at work, but I didn’t hear it ring.. I waited a few hours and texted him and said…My phone shows you called. I asked him if everything was ok.” He said yes, everything is ok, but never said why he called me. It couldn’t be a butt dial because the last time I talked to him on the phone was 2 weeks ago. I just can’t understand why he did that. Makes no sense he called and then didn’t say why. The only text I initiated since our break up was asking about the missed call. It’s so hard not to contact him and ask questions such as why and how could he. I am devastated and have so meaning questions, but I am leaning back and trying the NC. I need some serious advice. I see that you help people on here and I would appreciate it so much.

  3. Jo Jo says:

    My BF of a year broke up with me a couple months ago. I did NC for 35 days, then reached out to him asking a suggestion of a place to stay in a city he frequents. He responded in a positive way with 2 texts giving me a list of rentals and telling me which ones were his favs. I then responded back asking how he and his kids were doing but go no response back. I decided I wasn’t completely done with working on myself at that point, so I did not reach back out and decided to do 30 more days of NC. He has not reached out to me, but he has viewed some of my pics on social media. Just recently, his BFF saw me on Bumble and sent him a screen shot of my profile. How do I proceed from here? Does him knowing I’m on Bumble help or hurt me in my mission to get him back?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Jojo,
      When did he broke up with you? But, it looks like, it’s been a long time, if you literally meant 2 months ago, that means it’s ok if you started to date moreso if it’s longer than that

  4. Crystal says:

    Hi,
    So what if trying to make my ex jealous has the opposite effect and he becomes more disinterested? What happens if he thinks I’m playing games? How do you avoid this from happening? Are there some guys that jealousy tactics don’t work on?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Nope, continue in nc..be active in improving yourself and in posting..dont use jealousy moves that are too forward like posting and captioning it that you’re dating a new guy, or showing pda

  5. laura says:

    hello,
    my boyfriend and kind of fiancé broke up with me 4 months ago. we hadnt any contact during this period. 2 weeks ago he texted me on my birthday..we texted a few messages on a irregular base.. I didnt answer anymore, but then after a few days I texted him that i miss him and still think of him ( only this 2 sentences) . I screeeewed up on this..I know I shouldnt have done this, but I thought that I had to come clean with my feelings before its too late .
    His reaction was really not what I hoped for : ” Mostly I was only hoping that I hopefully did not hurt you”
    I didnt answer on that either.. what should I do? Is there any hope left..?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi laura,

      Restart nc, do at least 30 days before initiating contact again..improve yourself and be active in posting

  6. Alexa says:

    Hi Amor,
    I did as advised and he replied the following day . He also anknowkdged/ replied to my previous texts in the same message. We exchanged a few messages, he even asked me some things and I think he may have tried to flirt at one point( so engaged). The convo was getting short so I ended the conversation after a 3-4 times back and fourth. . Two days latter he then replied Saying he had fallen asleep and that it was really nice talking to me too – hope I had a nice day. I waited some hours before my reply to which He has then replied (1.5days later again) I waited and then I replied, I had no response – however he was posting on social, from one of the posts it looks like he was potentially having a breakfast at home with a girl…He also “liked” my posts during this time, including a picture of me .

    I initiated two days after the no reply – he responded and we exchanged a few text but its just polite /neutral / indifferent.
    I’m not sure what to do, He ghosted me at the end of our long term relationship. I was planning to build up rapport but now after this breakfast post I fear he has moved on to someone else. I really need to ask him to collect he’s things / return mine in the next few weeks, as it’s been 4 months now. What do you advise in terms of continuing ? I’m pretty confused with the mixed signals. Please could you remove this post from the comments, I’m concerned about the level of detail . Thank you , Alexa

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      you have to just focus in building rapport..what matters more is how he feels during and after thr conversation and that you are continuing to improve yourself and actively posting

    • Alexa says:

      Hi Amor,

      Even if he’s started seeing someone new? There has been a check in at at romantic restaurant, a homemade breakfast and take away posts. He hasn’t responded to me for 2 days again…
      I’m doing all of these things. But he is unpredictable in he’s replies and doesn’t tend to ask me any questions … feel like he’s just being polite by replying and the signs say he’s with someone new now….
      this has been going on since February …
      Alexa

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      if you think he’s really happy with her, and you don’t want to try, then let go.. but if you really want a chance, stop focusing on them.. because that’s not going to help you build rapport..

    • Alexa says:

      Hi Amor,
      I’m very stuck . He’s replying on minute, Then starts to give me one word replies. Then he’s engaged again. I tried to move to calls ( with a story set up) he said he could call me in he’s break …but he didn’t . I initiated the following day and once again a day has passed with no reply … he’s been posting on social media though. I don’t think he’s happy with her – there’s nothing official from what I can see … but I do think he’s happy without me . Its like he’s finally got himself together , he’s holding down he’s job , out all the time, lots of new friends. It’s been over 4 months now… doesn’t seem like she’s a rebound ? I wanted to move to calls so I could ask him to collect he’s things/drop mine . What do you advise? Thank you Alexa

    • Alexa says:

      Hi Amor,
      I’m very stuck . He’s replying to me one minute, Then starts to give me one word replies. Then he’s engaged again. I tried to move to calls ( with a story set up) he said he could call me on he’s break and he really wanted to know what happened …but he didn’t call. initiated the following day and once again a day has passed with no reply … he’s been posting on social media though. I don’t think he’s happy with her – there’s nothing official from what I can see … but I do think he’s happy without me . Its like he’s finally got himself together , he’s holding down he’s job , out all the time, lots of new friends. It’s been over 4 months now… doesn’t seem like she’s a rebound ? I wanted to move to calls so I could ask him to collect he’s things/drop mine . What do you advise? Thank you Alexa

    • Alexa says:

      Hi Amor,
      I’m very stuck . He’s replying on minute, Then starts to give me one word replies. Then he’s engaged again. I tried to move to calls ( with a story set up) he said he could call me in he’s break …but he didn’t . I initiated the following day and once again a day has passed with no reply … he’s been posting on social media though. I don’t think he’s happy with her – there’s nothing official from what I can see … but I do think he’s happy without me . It’s been over 4 months now… doesn’t seem like she’s a rebound ? I waned to move to calls so I could ask him to collect he’s things/drop mine . Thank you Alexa

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      sorry, how long have you been texting to build rapport?

    • Alexa says:

      Hi Amor,

      I initiated at the beginning of February after 30 days NC. It was going well , he was Engaged in Convo, even said I’d made he’s day at one point- then he started to get silent / take longer to reply around mid / end of March just as I was about to move to calls. I rested for two weeks as advised around beginning of April and then initiaated ( he actually got in touch after 10days but I rested the full 2 weeks) . Initially he was responsive , even said it was lovely talking to me. But the last two weeks have slowly declined again and this girls presence is on the incline: 3 times in one week they have been together ( social media check ins) . I rested after he’s latest no response -I had sent a story message and tried to move to a call. He had said he would call on he’s break; but nothing. He replied 3days later at 3:30 ; saying he couldn’t find time to call me and will try this weekend. But he did have time to post the dates he’s was going on, on social media … she is even tagged in them- although there are no phycial pictures of her. I was planning to ask him to collect he’s things. What are your thoughts?
      Alexa

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      that means he’s more into her..you have to improve the quality of your messages, and your activities too.. if he sees your posts would he be interested or intrigued with what you’re recently doing? If you want him to collect his things that’s ok.. and transitioning the calls should be before the high point, so that you can make the call as the high point and then end it there.

  7. EBR Team Member: Amor says:

    pick a more casual topic instead of a reminder text.. anything that current that is in his interest like tv shows, sports, news etc.

  8. EBR Team Member: Amor says:

    That’s ok.. You can still initiate after two weeks..

  9. EBR Team Member: Amor says:

    rest for two weeks.. be very active again and don’t forget to post.. dont use his things as a first contact text after the mini nc..

  10. EBR Team Member: Amor says:

    rest for two weeks.. if he’s still like that, you have to move on

  11. EBR Team Member: Amor says:

    you have to initiate more.. you cant build rapport in talking just once a week

  12. EBR Team Member: Amor says:

    by the time that you’ve moved to calls, so that you’ve built rapport..

  13. EBR Team Member: Amor says:

    if he didn’t get them for months, that means they’re not that important but it’s ok if you want to ask him to get them

  14. EBR Team Member: Amor says:

    that’s ok that you’re initiating.. what’s more important is that you have good conversations and that you’re the one ending it high point.. proceed to calls first before meeting up

  15. EBR Team Member: Amor says:

    Hi Alexa,

    the comment should just be there and you should see that it states awaiting moderation, if it’s moderated, you would just see it posted. How much did you improve during and after nc? Were you active in posting in social media?

  16. EBR Team Member: Amor says:

    Hi Alexa,

    the comment should just be there and you should see that it states awaiting moderation, if it’s moderated, you would just see it posted. How much did you improve during and after nc? Were you active in posting in social media?

  17. Bella says:

    I have a bit of a situation. i work with this guy and we were friends, I started getting feelings for him and told him I like him, we kissed and started dating. Nothing physical ever happened between us but on our second date I told him I was falling in love with him. He said it back. Well we continued to date for about a month then out of the blue he broke things off saying I was moving too quickly for him and he’s not really ready for a relationship.and that he shouldn’t have said it back but he didn’t want to ruin his chance with me. I’m a little bummed, but old enough to know that men use these as excuses. It’s been about 2 weeks since the breakup and I still talk to him at work but no texts or calls. I’m acting happy all the time, laughing, and on Valentine’s Day I dressed up really nice and he asked me what I was done up for. I just said I’m going out. He doesn’t actively come around my dept at work but I often have to go through his to do work. He is being really nice and friendly with me but I wonder if guys regret a short relationship break up and he doesn’t date a lot and is a pretty shy guy, so I’m not sure how this affects him. I really really want him to regret it, what steps should I take next?

  18. aviraj says:

    hii amor…my comments are not showing under ur answer..u asked me how old are you both so he is 33 and i am 30..i am very depressed even after 25 days he is not contacting me..he is not missing me.we usually talked for 2-3 hrs daily..i told u in my previous comment that we met on matrimonial site..but he is not even coming online on dat site from the day he broke up with me which shows he is atleast not searching any other girl on matrimonial site..and you also asked how active we are in posting..actually he is more active den me..though we are not friends on fb. but he knows very well that i checked his profile..he posted few pics of his new car. then he also posted his one pic and today he posted one funny video. He wrote …life? in his bio on fb and yesterday he changed his bio to ..people usually take me wrong.but amor i am not sure whether he is writing all dis for me or something else is going on in his life..and one more thing jus to make him jealous and to show him that i am ok i changed my whatsapp dp after 2-3 days..i really love him plz suggest what to do.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      hmm, do they appear as awaiting moderation?
      how much did you improve? because that’s the most important part of nc. I think you need to extend to 45 days and to focus in that and in posting in fb too because even if you’re not friends, there’s still a possibility that he will check that and it’s more natural to have a lot of posts in fb..you need to aim to be the ungettable girl. Check this one:
      The Ungettable Girl

    • aviraj says:

      thanks i reaad that section on the ungettable girl.amor you said i should focus on posting on fb.but from last one week i have deactivated my fb account.plz suggest should i start posting on fb that having fun with friends,watching movie,having lunch or enjoying with friends etc things on fb to make him feel that i am very ok without him.plz suggest what type of posts should i post on fb..thanks

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      yes you should reactivate it and be active in posting anything you can post. Start with a good profile pic

    • aviraj says:

      hiii amor.thanks for reply.i have reactivated my fb account and started posting on fb.and about nice profile pic…actually my profile pic is already very nice.and i am active in changing my dp on whatsapp.but amor even after 28 days.he is not giving any signal that he miss me or not..actually i have checked in one famous parlour on fb and people started commenting that pre bridal start? when is the day? but first of all i don’t knw whether he is checking my profile and if he is checking even then he is not giving me any signal.i don’t knw what to do..i am very depressed.we were very happy together.but due to his family he is not taking stand.he knows very well that if we get married i will gonna stay with him in abroad.and his parents are also no more..but don’t knw why he is not thinking logically and why he is still not making any effort to come back to me.plz amor help me

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      first, there was not enough for him to regret for when you started nc because he doesnt6 see you living life, having fun, improving and being better.
      because there’s a high chance that he had checked it before.. now, if you have mutual friends, that would help if you go out with them because he will see when they tag you..but if he doesn’t check now, that’s ok..as long as he has something to see once he gets curious when you start to do the building rapport phase

    • aviraj says:

      amor actually i got ready for some wedding and i put a pic of my eyes with full eye make up as my cover pic on fb and people started thinking that i am getting married.now the problem is that what if he will see that pic and comments as my friends are congratulating me on fb and from the day i got activated on fb he hasn’t posted anything..do you think all this what is going on will help me in making him getting jealous or i should make it clear on fb that i am not getting married

    • aviraj says:

      and we don’t have any mutual friend..and thanku so much for ur replies..

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      You’re welcome! it would be better to make it clear in the comments that you’re not getting married, but that’s a good click bait if he sees it, it can make him wonder. And other than that, just a reminder, post other activities, especially the ones that you look good, happy, playful, having fun or mysterious..

    • aviraj says:

      hiiii amor..amor even after 32 days of no contact period he is not making any effort.he is not posting any activity on fb from the day i started posting my activities on fb.he is also not much active on whatsapp but as u said i am very active now a days on fb but still no results..plz help me amor.

    • aviraj says:

      one more thing amor..i am very confused that why he is not coming online as much as he came before..if he comes online on whatsapp then its most of the time its jus for few seconds then again after 1-2 hrs for 5-10 seconds or at the max for 1-2 minutes..earlier it was not like that.it is possible that he is checking me but i can’t say it for sure.i have changed my profile pic with a new and very beautiful dp. amor everyone is saying that 32 days are too much and he will not gonna come back.but i don’t know why still i am hoping that he will come back..plz suggest what to do

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      it can be because he doesn’t want to see your posts because he’s still affected.. It doesn’t matter if he’s online or not during nc..if he doesn’t want to get back together,.then he has to see that you’re moving on for him to take a chance on being friendly..because if he doesn’t want to get back, he would be annoyed if he thinks you’re chasing..take it as a restart..move on without fully moving on and then slowly rebuild rapport after nc

    • aviraj says:

      amor out of frustration i messaged him that listen dont think i called u that was by mistake and there is possibility that this mistake will happen again..so if u want then u can block me..but he didn’t reply and didn’t even block me.the thing that forced me to msg him that he told me many times that his many ex gf’s still called me or message him..i wanted to make him clear i am not doing that..that call was jus by mistake..

    • aviraj says:

      amor i am very disturbed..it seems like that he has made his mind..he is not getting affected by anything not with my changed beautiful pic..not with my happy posts and chat with my friends on fb..the only positive sign is till date he has not done even a single activity on fb from the i started posting on fb and secondly he is not coming online on whatsapp..i mean his online behaviour is very different..but the truth of the day is that he is not contacting me.he is not making even a single move..jus fed up with life now

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      then accept that he has moved on.. Now, that would mean all he wants is for you to move on in order to be open on being friendly.. if he sees that through your posts whether during nc or after you sent initial text, that’s good.

  19. aviraj says:

    i really need ur help..pls let me know what to do..i met a guy on matrimonial site..we both liked each other..he came to india to meet me and we were very happy with each other.before coming to india he already told his family about me(family means his brother sister,aunts etc bcz his parents are no more) and his family also liked me..but after coming to india when his family came to know about my lower caste they all rejected me..he tried to convinced his family but they just said no..i am a gud looking girl.very qualified and have a good job..but they ignored my qualities and rejected me on the basis of my caste which is not even in my hand..then he went back and called me that he does not want to go against him family..after that he didn’t even called me once..i am on 25th day on no contact period..i really want him back pls help me what to do..my whole family knew about him. he always said we are perfect for each other but then within one day everything has changed.i want to tell him that for your sister..his husband and kids are more imp than you..for your brother his wife and kids are more imp than you..i want to tell him that for them and this society you changed your decision..but you are not priority for them..we have not blocked each other from whatsapp but we are not friends on fb..pls suggest me what to do..pls help me

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Aviraj,

      how old are you both? And how much did you improve during nc and were you active in posting?

    • aviraj says:

      thanks for reply..he is 33 and i am 30. i forgot to tell you that its not like dat he is into some other girl.after dat day he never came online on matrimonial site..and about posting..actually we are not friends on fb as i don’t use it much..but he posted few pics of his new car and then he posted his one pic..he wrote his status on fb as..life is not complicated but people are then after 2 days changed it to life? and today he wrote people usually take me wrong..but i don’t knw whether he is posting all dat for me or not but yes he knows very well that i check his profile on fb..but he never put any status on whatsapp..but jus to show him that i am ok i keep changing my pics on whatsapp after 2-3 days…plz suggest what to do..he was always like that u r very positive girl..i knw i will be very happy with a girl like you.but now he is not even trying to contact me but he is also not blocking me..plz suggest what to do..i am very depressed.

    • aviraj says:

      hii Amor..thanks for reply..he is 33 and i am 30.i am very depressed even after 26 day of no contact rule he is not making any effort to talk to me.and about posting..he is active on fb and posted few pics of his new car..and then posted his one pic and today he shared one funny video…we are not friends on fb..but he knows very well that i always checked his fb profile..he also changed his status.first he wrote life?….den after few days he wrote people usually take me wrong..but amor i am not sure whether he is writing all dat stuff for me or not..and just to make him jealous i keep changing my whatsapp profile pic after 2-3 daily..amor pls help me.we usually talk for 2-3 hrs daily and on weekends we used to talk on cam for 2-3 hrs daily..but now how he is living without talking to me.its not like that he is searching for some other girls..he even has deleted his matrimonial id on which we met.i really love him..please help what to do

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      hmm, do they appear as awaiting moderation?
      how much did you improve? because that’s the most important part of nc. I think you need to extend to 45 days and to focus in that and in posting in fb too because even if you’re not friends, there’s still a possibility that he will check that and it’s more natural to have a lot of posts in fb..you need to aim to be the ungettable girl. Check this one:
      The Ungettable Girl

    • aviraj says:

      amor yesterday by mistake my hand touched the fon icon on whatsappp and call got connected to him but i immediately cut it out.that time he was sleeping but even after that when he woke up.he didn’t call me back or even didn’t msg me.it seems like he doesn’t even want to talk to me at once..i cried a lot..how can he be so rude..how he has forgotten me completely.now what to do amor plz suggest..i was thinking that if he called me then i will say that i had a bad dream about you and i was worried thats why i called you but he didn’t even bother to msg me.

  20. Andrea says:

    Hi Amor!
    So I actually got asked out on a date for this Saturday. I told the guy that I am just coming out of a relationship, and if we can call it a ‘hang out’ rather than a ‘date’, then I would be happy to go out with him. In a way, I needed to take off that pressure. Anyway, we are going hiking, and one of my ex’s friend, a girl, invited me to go hiking on Saturday, too. So, I thought this could be a perfect opportunity to make him jealous. However, I don’t know how to go about it. You see, I am very wary of this girl because she is kind of bitter and “hates” men, she plays with them but gets hurt all the time – not someone I would take relationship advice from for sure. Also, she is very self-absorbed. I am worried that she will tell him to completely write me off if I do mention that I am going out with a guy, and obviously I don’t want that, I just want him to come to his senses, make him jealous. So, should I say something generic like: ‘Sorry, I made plans (or going hiking) with a friend’ or should I be more specific, such as: ‘Sorry, I’m going hiking with a guy I met the other day at my Krav Maga class’? Not sure how to play this one. Thank you 🙂

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Andrea,
      it would be better to make it generic because if it’s too obvious it wouldn’t work..let him wonder..I like your first choice of message

  21. Amber says:

    Hi Amor,

    I have been in a relationship for the past year and a half, we were best friends and were perfect for each other (we were basically the same person) .. he was obsessed with me and we used to speak about marriage, kids, our future together etc all the time and it was 90% of the time him bring those topics up.
    We were SO INLOVE ALL OF THE TIME.

    He started acting distant about a month before we broke up but I thought maybe it was because I had taken up working on the weekends for the past 3 months… I shoved it aside because we both had leave in December.. when December came, we only saw each other once and that’s when we started arguing because I missed him and hardly saw him… he got cross and we fought and he decided to break up over text right before Christmas on the 20th … we then met up to exchange our things and he said he wants to spend more time focusing on family, work and getting his license for flying and is unfair on me because he is starting night shifts and when he is off will be getting his hours and he won’t be able to see me much.. and he said that theres is no one else in the picture , he hasn’t met anyone and probably won’t even date for a whole year. I was shattered and was in tears and begged unfortunately – but this didn’t change his mind.

    I was devistated… I have never loved someone so much and was completely shattered.

    Christmas came and I got a text saying merry Christmas I hope you have an incredible day and ended it off with “I do still love you”

    I replied saying I hope he had a great Christmas but ignored the love part… he then only opened my xmas present on Boxing Day and sent another text saying how amazing it is and how much he loves it and posted it onto FB without tagging me. I said it’s a pleasure and just thanked him for my gift.

    Nothing was said until New Years, so I thought if he could text me first for xmas I’ll be the bigger person and said a very neutral happy New Years message, he read it and didn’t reply.

    I had been posting things since we broke up on Facebook about my new job, the birth of my niece(he didn’t even acknowledge even though he was so excited to see her) , etc and he ended up deleting me and majority of our mutual friends from my side and said he doesn’t want to see what I post or me be in his news feed and that I untagged myself from our pictures … he said it was weird so I left it.

    I said I still really miss and love him and he said he did too… I tried asking if we can meet up and chat about our new careers and just chat here up and he said he was busy at the moment and I haven’t heard from him since..

    I’m scared he has met someone new or will move on… but I don’t understand how he could turn so cold after being so inlove???
    What should I do? I really don’t want to lose the love of my life.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      HI Amber,

      I don’t like being blunt, it’s like you’ve lost him already since you’re not together anymore. That’s why your goal is re-attracting and not keeping. Do you want to try the no contact rule?

  22. Rachel says:

    How do I know, if my comment went trough… I don’t see it.

  23. Rachel says:

    Hi! I am in desperate need of advice: So my ex broke up with me on November 2nd claiming he was thinking about going to Europe and study. I told him I loved him and wanted him to be happy so I would support him. I started NC since day 1, and did almost 2 months of NC,We iniciated a bit of contact around christmas, even though i started notice he was spending lots of time with his ex, his family and friends love her, anyways, a week ago we met for the first time after 2 months to talk and he wanted to give my child a christmas gift, so qe did. He came to say he loved me and misses me. He promised there was nothing going on with his ex and that he wanted to take one day at a time, and see where this is going, he even kissed me goodbye and spent the whole evening holding me. 3 days later after no signs of him I called him to invite him to watch a movie, he said he couldn’t but that he really wanted to, that we should do it next week and to that I said lets talk about it next week. He spend that day with her ex and on the next day I went partying and bumped with him and his ex. I was so sad that I asked a friend to act like if he was into me, and my ex was furious, so mad. He stayed away from his ex, but didn’t even came to say hi to me… so I kept my plan going on, I really could tell he was jealous, and since i was having a really good time i didn’t even notice he had left. Since I was drinking tons, I drunk dialed him at 3am, of course the was no anwser, he didn’t write back or anything. Now its been 3 days, haven’t heard from him! I think I screwed up big time What should I do? Help!

    • Rachel says:

      While trying to make him jealous, there was no kissing involved or even holding hands with my friend. We just did shot, and talked while being flirty

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Rachel,

      thr only way is to check back on your comment.. your mistake is that you rushed to the meet up phase..Rebuild rapport first through texts and calls. Rught now, rest for a week before initiating again..

  24. Emma says:

    Hi, I have a question. How do you make your ex jealous subtly through mutual friends? I recently told mine (that has always been difficult to get a commitment from) that I needed some space from us (planning on the 30 day no rule and focusing on myself and taking the advice above) but how do I make it more effective when a mutual friend is checking up on me and asking me how I am doing and I know my response will get back to my ex? Any suggestions?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Emma,

      then tell that friend what you’ve been doing and the people you’ve been hanging out with

  25. Torri says:

    I need some advice. I broke up with my ex in October, implemented NC in November. Went the 30 days. He tried contacting me about 2 weeks in saying he needed to talk in person. After the 30 days I did exactly what I was supposed to. Engage in nice convo, have something interesting to talk about, etc. He was calling me and facetiming me. Even told me he loved me and offered to pay my phone bill and pay for my uber both ways to see him (i declined both; I wasn’t ready to see him just yet). About 2 weeks ago I started realizing he wasn’t calling or texting me much any more and when I texted him he would take forever to respond. I blew up on him then he said he didn’t want to talk to me anymore for fear of the passed situations. I acted like it didn’t bother me. I did something stupid and pretended to text him like I was texting another guy. Basically he was under the impression I was talking to someone. He called me a bunch of times but I didn’t answer and he cursed me out through text. He said he wanted to tell me he wanted to get back together but now he didn’t want to, along with a bunch of other stuff. He thought I was having sex with the imaginary guy, but I told him we were just friends and I haven’t had sex with anyone but him (in early November was the last time). After a few days I played nice and texted him asking him how was work. He responded twice the whole day then this morning tells me he decided that he wanted to chill and wasn’t ready for anything. I was upset because he is doing too much back and forth and so stupid thing number 2, I told him I got back with my ex (who he knows as my soulmate and the guy who is perfect for me and he is pretty jealous of him). He gets really upset and says I’m a liar and he can’t trust me and that’s why he doesn’t want to be with me. He says I’m pushy and he’s not ready for a relationship and he doesn’t want to talk to me again. But the roles were reversed. I was sending 1 sentence texts and he was sending paragraphs at a time. This is during the time he would usually say he’s busy at work and blah blah blah. I said “you just said you weren’t ready for anything so why are you upset, you should be happy for me”. He went on to curse the guys name, and make excuses for why he wasn’t doing what I told him my ex was trying and is now doing for me (my ex really has been contacting me since May trying to see me and apologizing, telling me to break up with my then boyfriend). He told me to block him forever, then he said he’s going to block me. I said ok. I assumed he would block me immediately because when I get mad at him he goes on the block list before the message says delivered. So I texted him “ok well much love” 2 or 3 minutes later just to see if he blocked me and he responded “Lol”.

    So my problem is that of course I want to get him back and I really do love him. I’m not pressed to jump into a relationship right now but I want to be in a space where we can communicate effectively, get to know each other better, and fall in love harder than before. I believe he does love me but he doesn’t communicate well and he does not like to show his emotions (unless its anger). He has some growing up to do and I’m cool with that. I just want to be around to grow with him and if we get to a point where a relationship seems right then we can try again. On the other hand he is hot and cold and send me mixed signals which makes me very confused. Now include the bad guy because I’m “dating an ex”. I plan to do no contact for 2 months instead of one this time. Any advice to get myself out of this drama and back in good graces with the man I love?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Torri,

      don’t do that again ever. Don’t do or say something when you’re angry. I agree with the 2 or make it 3 but keep in mind, that’s your last best chance, so, use it as a restart.

    • Torri says:

      I emailed him yesterday just to let him know I “called it off” with the other guy. I told him not for him but because I felt it was the best decision for me. I left the email short. Told him I hope him and his daughter were well and to take care. He didn’t respond but I didn’t expect him to. I still plan to go no contact for a few months. Any advice on what to do after nc is completed? I already completed 30 day nc once, it was successful in him missing me, contacting me, and apparently wanting to get back together, but the conversation we were supposed to have never happened to lead to that point.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      it would still be the same step after nc..initiate a conversation that is interesting for him, better if it’s a current hot topic at that time

  26. Hermetic says:

    Hi Amor
    I was in a long distance relationship with a guy who was one of my family member ( i mean we knew each other and now he is in another country for education) we had this relationship for marriage, we had a very nice relations we talked about 2,3 hours in day and video call but he wasn’t active as me, i mean i was the person who started the conversation every time but he answered me warmly and when I stopped he bacame cold and we talked every week but after a while he didnt call me and when I called he acted very cold without any reason , its been about 6 month since we talked and now i knew that he came to my country about 2 month ago but he didnt tell me( the time that he became cold with me he was in my country dating another girl) I stopped calling him but he called me every 2 or 3 weeks, and i think he is thinking about me and he cant choice between me and a new girl. I knew that he is coming This month so the question is that is there any chance to be with him again( i was loving him very much before he started talking and always thinking of him) so please help me and guide me if there is a chance to make him love me ( we are in our 4 decades and he is 7 years older than me)

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Hermetic,

      you mean he’s a family friend? When did you last talk? do you want to try the no contact rule?

  27. Gloria says:

    Hi Amor. I commented on another post and we had a long thread going. I’ve been trying to get my ex back for a year trying various methods on the site, including NC several times. We had a complicated breakup, very messy, lots of anger on his part. He’s very stubborn and did a lot of ignoring, so I thought I should get out there a little. I was casually dating someone for a month, but it didn’t work out which is fine with me – I had no feelings. HOWEVER. I brought this guy to a party where my ex was, and he saw us together. Next thing you know, he told our mutual friend how much he hates the guy – but they didn’t even speak! So he’s totally jealous. Yet he insists he doesn’t have feelings for me, so why is he jealous some other guy is talking to me? How can I use this newfound jealousy to work towards getting him back? Thanks, Amor!

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Gloria,

      yup! I remember you! Well, it’s just normal that he would be jealous, because you used to be his.. but that’s a good start..you need to date again and continue the stuff you are doing.. it’s just really that

    • Gloria says:

      OK, I’ll continue what I’m doing. This past weekend we all took a trip to the mountains and he came with us, so we were pretty close in this mountain cabin. There was no ignoring or being awkward with me. It felt like we were together again. It’s so easy to fall back into the same routines – he forgot shampoo so he asked to share mine, he asked me to help him clean up bottles after we all drank, he walked outside with me when we had to grab a deck of cards from the car (even though it was a one person task – he said “Maybe I just wanted the company!”), we sat next to each other in the hot tub, we sat next to each other playing card games, we shared inside jokes – even a dirty joke once where he winked at me!

      I know when you dated as long as we did (two years), it’s natural to be drawn to each other. But I still feel like we have a connection. I feel like there are some feelings there on his end, under the surface, but he’s scared to let them appear because he doesn’t want to get hurt again. But the fact that we can spend a weekend together getting along, no drama or making a scene or having anybody feel uncomfortable..that’s really good right??

      I know my situation is more difficult than most, and it’s going slower than what I usually see on here. I know Chris loves a challenge though. Is there any way you could ask him what my next step should be? Do I text my ex in a few days? How can I capitalize on what seems to be a lasting connection between us? You keep saying to just continue what I’m doing with my own life, and believe me I am. I need direction on what to do next with him though, because I’m absolutely positive I still want him back. Your team is my only help!

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      I do, I can ask, but honestly there’s no guarantee that he can answer because he’s also handling the podcasts and other inquiries.. if you want, you can try the podcast

    • Gloria says:

      I left a podcast message. What do you think my next step should be? Should I try a text? I feel like if I text it’ll be obvious to him I’m trying to win him back, even if it’s something casual because he knows I still have feelings for him. But if I don’t text, then nothing happens. Help?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Yes, to be honest.. You have to set a limit on until when you would try because if you don’t, it would go longer without progress. Like if this is the last attempt, give yourself, maybe two months.. If it really doesn’t progress, then you have to move on

    • Gloria says:

      OK, I’ll make this my last attempt. Do I text him? It’s been three days since we got back from the trip to the mountains. I don’t think he will text me first, but I don’t mind starting a conversation.

      If I start the convo and then disappear (ending it first but not saying “bye”), is that an effective tactic? I read that Chris said he prefers ending by disappearing rather than telling them you’re going so you leave them wanting more.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      most of the time it works, but of course it will depend on the conversation.. if it’s a wonderful story conversation and you left at the high note of it suddenly, that’s ok but if he’s asking something important and you didn’t answer, that would be rude

    • Gloria says:

      Update – These interactions are very confusing. Last night we went to the same party..and he kissed me!! We were sober so it wasn’t alcohol-induced. We ended up spending the night together (no sex). Lots of laughing and joking, tickling, cuddling. But he’s still saying he’s moved on and has no feelings for me. Huh?? The words and actions don’t make sense, UGH. What do you make of it?

      Today I was very straight up with him and asked, “Do you enjoy spending time with me?” He said yes. “Are you attracted to me?” Yes. “Do you like me as a person?” Yes. So what’s keeping you from wanting a relationship? And he said he doesn’t want to feel pressured or obligated, or lose his “me time,” and we had bad communication before so he felt like he couldn’t voice these concerns. I tried to explain those aspects shouldn’t be in a healthy relationship to begin with! I suggested we take it slow and see each other casually, and he was thinking for quite awhile and struggling to decide..he asked if he could have some time to think about it. I said OK. The fact that he was struggling vs. just saying no means at least some part of him wants to, right? Should I just wait for him to text me his answer, or do I contact him in a couple days and ask for his decision?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      when he said he doesn’t want to feel pressured and he doesn’t want to lose his me time, that means you asking or texting for an answer is pressure. I know it’s so hard, but the translation of that is, until he’s sure that you’re independent enough, or you have your own life enough not to bother him with anything he wants to do, he will not commit.

    • Gloria says:

      That’s fair. But it’s a good thing he’s considering it, right? So is there anything I can do to encourage him to say yes? Or do I just wait patiently for his answer? You know from our previous communication that he avoids confrontation and hasn’t been texting me first at all..so I don’t really see him texting first even after he’s made a decision!

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      yep, it’s a very good thing… I know it’s been going on so long now, but I think, you really have no better choice than to patient, give him time and then when you know you’ve given him enough time and he still hasn’t answered, ask him. At least you know you didn’t rush.

    • Gloria says:

      I texted him asking how his trip went and we talked about that for a bit, then I sent him a song I knew he’d like (which he did). I asked if he wanted to hang out this week. He said he might be free Saturday. So today I texted to find out the plan. He said, “I’ve been thinking about what we discussed and it’s not for me. It just feels too familiar – when we hang out it feels like we’re still together and I don’t really like it. I know how I am. I can’t really do the casual thing and because of our history it will put me in a different frame of mind where I won’t want to meet other people; I’ll just want you. It just feels like I’m moving backwards.”

      What do you make of this? So he can’t be casual with me because he’ll end up wanting me? He can’t see me because it feels like we’re dating, we’re so comfortable and get along so well? That’s kind of the whole point! It sounds like fear to me. It’s like the guy who love somebody so much but is afraid to propose – because of his own fears, not because he doesn’t love the girl. That’s what I think is holding him back.. his fears, not his feelings. Please help me figure out what to do next!

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      I think you have to move on.. Whether it’s commitment issues or not, bottomline is he doesnt want to go back with you.. You’ve invested so much time and energy already. There’s no point in wasting more

    • Gloria says:

      Well, I’m a Kai, as Chris teaches in his very first email module…so I’m not ready to just give up because it’s gotten hard. This site is supposed to help people get exes back even in difficult situations..Chris always continues to advise people even when the odds look low. And I’ve asked my same questions to Jennifer and she’s telling me I have an amazing chance and am making huge progress?? So I’m a little confused here..

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      That’s good for you that Jen said that, because it’s a great support since you still want to go on but when did she say that?

      My recent answer is based in what he recently said and from my knowledge of how long you’ve been doing this.

      Chris and Jen are very supportive and you’re right they want to give a possible solution as long as it can, and I’m with them about that of course. But I cant speak for why Jen said that against why I said what I said.

      I’m going to be very honest, it’s been a year, and him saying that being with you feels like it’s moving backwards is not a good sign. That means it’s not progress. He sees the old issues. And I remember, I did say, that’s it’s good sign that he’s considering before but he’s latest answer(for me, at least) is like yes, he feels something for you, but he still sees the old you. To give you a little hope, unless he feels that you’re just really getting good, getting better and if he doesn’t act now, he’s going to lose you then maybe, that can change his mind. It’s like nc all over again. But I guess, it’s either you tell him that you can’t wait forever or move on. It’s that sense of urgency. Like, you don’t have a lifetime to wait for him to be brave.

      But I would talk to Jen, and try to find out why she said what she said, and give her my take too. We’re going to brainstorm. If I’m wrong. I would be really happy for you. So, I hope you can wait. I’ll email her later and ask her about your situation.

    • Gloria says:

      Thank you SO MUCH for asking Jen for me! Did she reply to you? Her answer was right after I told her about spending the night with him – she said, “THAT IS AMAZING NEWS!!! Actions speak louder than words so your in a good spot. I know we’ve been talking on here for a while and your patience is paying off. Keep up what your doing, it’s working.” She hasn’t yet replied to my update on how he said it feels like “going backwards.”

      I really appreciate your honesty, and I know it’s a long shot. I really think his reluctance is not because he doesn’t feel something toward me or because I’m not an attractive partner for him. I fixed what was wrong with the “old me.” He TOLD me as recently as a few weeks ago how funny I am, how pretty I am, how he likes spending time with me, how he has fun when we’re together, how he remembers all our little jokes and such! We have common interests, mutual friends and really everything you need to get along with a person, lol. It’s more about 1. the stigma around getting back with an ex 2. afraid of getting hurt again 3. afraid of not being able to stand up for himself in a relationship…he said he feels obligated/pressured to do things when he’s dating because he’s so nonconfrontational that he fears bringing up issues. He just goes along with everything and lets resentment build up. But I can work with him on that! I WANT to work with him. I want him to feel safe with me.

      Since everything that happened with me staying over a few weeks ago, we haven’t seen each other, but we’ve texted and he doesn’t ignore me or anything. I haven’t brought up emotional stuff again. One thing – I realized I forgot my watch at his place. He hasn’t said anything about it and I’m wondering if he’s waiting for me to ask about it…what’s a casual way to be like, “Hey can I come get it” without him thinking it’s a ploy to see him (I mean, it’d be nice to see him too of course lol). Also, did you and Jen come up with any new strategies I can try? Any ideas would be much appreciated!

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Gloria,

      actually, Jen isn’t sure, which Gloria are you in the comments.. and did you mean she talked to you in Youtube comments? But I did forward your recent comment here.Correct me if I’m wrong, are you beauty by Gloria? She said Chris would check it.. just remind me if there’s no update yet.

    • Gloria says:

      Yes, I’m Beauty by Gloria on YouTube. Thank you!

      P.S. What do you think of the watch thing? How to go about getting it back? I’m surprised he hasn’t said, “Hey, I have your watch”..lol

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Maybe he’s not really paying much attention to it, or yes he’s just waiting for you to ask for it and it slipped his mind.. Just ask, like I forgot my watch in your place, have you seen it? it’s yours, it’s normal that you would want it back.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *