Ahh.. Jealousy! Making Your Ex Boyfriend Jealous

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

Make no mistake about it, jealousy is a very powerful emotion. If it is used correctly it can be the driving force behind getting your ex boyfriend back. There is just one problem, most people have no idea how to correctly use it. I was reading a relationship article about jealousy the other day from a pretty well known relationship coach. His article basically went on to say that you should never use jealousy to try to get your ex back. The truth is, he is talking about using jealousy the wrong way to get your ex back. If you use jealousy in a smart way it is almost guaranteed to bring up previous romantic feelings that your ex had for you.

A Note About My Site

I promise you that my site is different from anything out there right now. Not only is my information more interesting and in-depth but I am extremely involved. That means that if you leave a comment I will respond to it personally. If you email me via the contact form I will probably get back to you within the day. I wanted to create a resource where women/and men could come and get top quality advice on getting their exes back. The truth of the matter is that the amount of free information that actually works is a rare commodity but I think I have done a pretty good job of leading the way in that regard. Anyways, lets talk a little about jealousy.

What This Page Is About

I want you to view this page as the “ultimate guide” to making your ex boyfriend jealous. Now, I can’t guarantee that the tactics on this page will make him jealous because lets be honest, your boyfriend is a human being and most human beings are impossible to control. With that being said, I have seen many of the tactics outlined on this page work for many of the women I communicate with. Here is what we will be covering today:

  • Why jealousy is so powerful.
  • I am going to give you a gameplan to make your ex jealous.
  • How the NCR works with jealousy.
  • Specific text messages that can be used to make your ex jealous.

So, that is what this page will be covering. BUT I do feel it is important to mention that if you came here looking for a way to get your ex boyfriend back you aren’t going to find it. This page is aimed specifically at making him jealous and nothing more. Sure, I have built in the idea of “getting him back” on this page but I don’t go into the amount of detail that you are looking for. IF you are looking for in-depth details and step by step guides to getting an ex boyfriend or husband back I would like to point you towards Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO, my E-Book. I will just let it speak for itself..

Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO

The Power Of Jealousy


Most men aren’t as complicated as you would believe. A married friend of mine once told me a little about the psychology behind a mans thinking and I happen to agree with him. It goes like this, most men forget how good they have it when they have been dating or married for an extended period of time. This usually means that the man will ignore his woman and her needs. Here is the kicker though, if a couple like the one I am describing (a man who is comfortable and not tending to his woman’s needs) go out to a bar and the woman starts flirting with other guys the dynamic will completely change. The “comfortable” man will no longer be so comfortable. All kinds of thoughts will be going through his head: anger, worry, jealousy, insecurity. The man will feel the need to protect his “property” and while he may be initially angry, if you play your cards right his behavior will completely change and you will start getting paid attention to.

The end lesson here: women have ultimate power over men!

Now, the “mock” situation I talked about above doesn’t apply to your situation perfectly (since your boyfriend is now your ex) but I guarantee that if you play your cards right bringing up those “protective” feelings in your man is very possible.

A Word..

Before you even attempt to make your ex jealous lets talk a little about what you want your ultimate goal to be. If you want to make your ex boyfriend jealous for the sake of making him jealous then I don’t think this is the page for you. I wrote this page with the intention of helping women use jealousy to win back their exes. So, if you want to make him jealous to bring out his protective and romantic side then this is the right page for that.

That is really what you are trying to accomplish here. You don’t want to make him jealous to rub it in his face. You want to make him jealous to remind him of what he is missing out on.

Your Jealousy Game Plan

What I am going to do now is give you a brief overview of how to properly use jealousy and then I will talk about each aspect in-depth. Reference the graphic below to understand your jealousy gameplan!

jealousy plan

The No Contact Rule

The no contact rule is a must if you want to make your ex jealous. In fact, it is essential if you want to get your ex boyfriend back. I don’t want to go into too much detail here about it because I have done multiple in-depth posts about it already like this one. However, I will give you a short synopsis of how the no contact rule is supposed to work.

The No Contact Rule- You are not allowed to contact your ex in any way after the breakup for a minimum of 30 days.

How The NC Rule Works In Tandem With Jealousy

Alright, now that you have an idea of what the no contact rule is I am going to talk a little bit about the things you can do during the no contact period that can will your ex jealous. Ideally, after a breakup you need to give your ex some space (which is kind of what the no contact rule is for.) However, I don’t want to give you the impression that you are going to sit around during these 30 days of no contact and count your fingers (your not going to make your ex jealous that way.) Instead, I am going to ask you to do a few things.

Do Something During The No Contact Period… Anything

I get a lot of emails every single day (random fact- I have 9 unanswered emails in my inbox just from today) and one of the most common mistakes I see from women is the fact that they don’t do anything at all during the no contact period. Here is how it usually goes, they tell me that they can’t wait to start the no contact period one day and then two days later they email me back saying something like:

“Well, I broke NC and texted him.”


Here is the problem I have with this. When I ask women “what did you do during those two days?” they usually tell me that they didn’t do anything……


Look, if you want to make your ex boyfriend jealous I seriously want you to spend those 30 days NOT thinking about him. I want you to go down the checklist I am about to provide and address all of the things on it.

Disclaimer: Some of the things on this list WILL make you uncomfortable but I am not in the business of being nice for the sake of being nice I am trying to give you advice that will help make your ex jealous and hopefully put you in a position to where you can get him back.

  • Get in the best shape of your life.
  • If you have acne I want you to get medicine to treat it
  • If you are uncomfortable with your teeth (they are bad) I want you to go to a dentist.
  • I want you to go out with your friends and have a lot of fun (take pictures, lots of pictures they will come in handy later.)
  • Buy the sexiest outfit ever (not too revealing though.)
  • Get a sexy haircut. I want you to look at yourself in the mirror after this haircut and go “OMG, I look like a goddess.” (too corny?)

No Contact Facebook Jealousy

facebook your doing it wrong

Disclaimer: This method will only work if you are still friends with your ex on Facebook. If you are no longer friends with him then don’t try to friend him… yet.

It’s amazing how big Facebook has gotten. I can remember back when I was in high school no one was talking about Facebook. All the rage was with MySpace. Funny how quickly that changed though. Anyways, I am going to give you the Facebook breakup jealousy rules now. I have found that the rules I am about to describe are the most effective at making your ex a little jealous.

  • After the breakup get rid of 95% of the pictures with you and your ex boyfriend. Pick out maybe one or two that your really like and keep them (you don’t want your ex to think he doesn’t have a chance at all to get back with you.)
  • Remember when I told you to take lots of pictures of you having fun with friends? Post those pictures.
  • If you have taken any pictures with guys while you were out having fun post those too. DO NOT post a picture of you kissing a guy. Trust me, this will hurt your chances of getting your ex back big time.
  • If your ex “likes” one of your photos or status updates do not do anything, just let it be.
  • Do not “like” any of your ex boyfriends updates or pictures. Just leave him be for now.

Dating During No Contact?

dating bear

If you are an avid reader of this site then you may be aware that I am very much in favor of going out on a date with someone new during the no contact period. Actually, if you reference the “Ex Boyfriend Jealousy Plan” above you will notice that I put “Dating” as the last little bubble. When I said dating in the bubble above I meant dating other people. I am actually talking about it in this section because I believe that going out on a date (even if you have no intention of actually dating the person) is best to do during the no contact period.

Now, I will say that this is a completely optional step but it can be very effective. Especially if your ex boyfriend catches wind of it. I want you to take a moment and imagine how you have felt when, in your previous relationships you caught wind that your ex went out on a date with a new girl. Now, imagine your ex feeling that very emotion. Sure, he will be angry and sad but I promise you at the end of the day he is going to question why he ever let you go.

Building Rapport With Your Boyfriend


Now, if you followed my no contact advice above perfectly then I would imagine your ex has already gotten jealous but in the case that he hasn’t, don’t worry, we haven’t even gotten to the best stuff but we are about to! Eventually your no contact period of 30 days is going to end. The question is, what are you supposed to do then? Well, now it is time to open communication with your ex via text messaging. Why text messaging, well I wrote a whole article on it here.

Now, I am aware that you are looking for an exact step by step method for what you need to say to your ex but I am not going to get into that here because this page is supposed to only be about the ways you can make your ex jealous (I actually put together a guide about how you can use texting to get your ex back already.) What I will do is give you a few ground rules that you need to follow when contacting your ex.

  • You should aim to be in control of the conversation at all times.
  • If he doesn’t respond then DO NOT text him again. Wait a few days and try again.
  • Patience really is a virtue. You need to be very patient and realize that this is not going to happen overnight.
  • If you get angry or upset simply bow out of the conversation.
  • Don’t try to fix your broken relationship over a text message, it won’t work.
  • Don’t ask to meet up with your ex boyfriend.
  • Do not use texting as a booty call (you’d be surprised.)

(If you want more tips on how to text your ex I recommend picking up “The Texting Bible.”

Showing That You Are In Control Of The Conversation

control freak

This is so important that I gave it it’s very own section.

(I even talk about it in The Texting Bible.)

Showing that you have control of the conversation is very important for a number of reasons. In college, I began to notice a pattern between the girls I liked and the girls I didn’t like anymore. You see, I will admit that I am a little complicated. I can see a pretty girl and like her immediately. However, if she doesn’t challenge me, intellectually or emotionally, I will lose interest. One thing that I noticed between the girls that held my interest and the ones that didn’t was that girls who allowed me to be in control of the conversation didn’t interest me as much.

For me, and most other guys, it is a case of “Oh, I can have her anytime I want because I can tell she is trying too hard to get me.” Of course, the flip scenario goes like this. A girl who dominated the conversation literally can have men wrapped around her finger. I am not afraid to admit that I have been reduced to feeling pathetic by some girls because they felt they “could have me” anytime they wanted. I have named the phenomenon I described her as being “ungettable”

The “Ungettable” Persona- A type of persona that a girl can display. She basically has so much confidence that she reduces a guy into thinking that he can’t get her which really turns 85% of guys on. Achieving this persona is essential if you want to get your ex boyfriend back.

Achieving the ungettable persona is not easy. However, one thing that all “ungettable” girls have in common is that they dominate any conversation they are in with the opposite sex. So, I suppose the question now becomes, how do you dominate a texting conversation?

Well, luckily for you I have been on the receiving end of quite a few ungettable girls so I can tell you some of the tactics that they were able to use on me that proved to be pretty effective.

Ungettable Texting Dominance Example 1

The example below is an exact conversation I had with an unnamed “ungettable” girl. Notice how in this particular conversation she ended everything with a simple “hahahaha” and never responded to my texts after that. Now, this tactic was risky and only really worked on me because I clearly had feelings for the girl. Nevertheless, I was the one putting more effort into the conversation which meant she was in control.

jealousy text

Ungettable Texting Dominance Example 2 (What Not To Do)

I wanted to include this example, even though it is personally very embarrassing to me. Remember, I am just going through my phone in the last six months and pulling out conversations with girls who I really really really liked. A couple of things to note: this girl was probably the most attractive girl I have ever met. She came up and asked to dance with me at a local bar. Anyways, she dominated the conversation so much that I literally felt like I had no chance so I just gave up even though I really liked her. So, this is kind of an example of what NOT to do.

example 2 not to do

There is a lot more to the story but as you can see she dominated the very first conversation we had. I really liked her so I texted her the next day but I could never find my groove. I always felt like I wasn’t good enough and she would simply bow out of the conversations whenever she would like.

Bowing Out Of The Conversations By Not Responding- This is a pretty effective way to establish control. However, if you do it too much the guy will think he doesn’t have a chance with you. That was what happened above. So, I say if you are going to use this tactic make sure you use it sparingly.

Ungettable Texting Dominance Example 3 (Recommended)

I think that this example is really the perfect way to “control” the conversation. This is another example out of my phone with a girl who I liked once upon a time. I actually sat next to her in a college class and we developed a friendship. Once again, she wasn’t too beautiful but she definitely had the “ungettable” persona. Now, I want to note a couple of things: Notice how she had me hooked in the conversation. Also, the way she ended the conversation first was perfect. She sent the last two texts really closely together so I didn’t even have time to respond before she “had to go.”

example 3

Jealousy Texts

(For more jealousy text messages I recommend picking up The Texting Bible.)

Since we are on the subject of texting lets talk a little about the most important type of text if you want to make your ex boyfriend jealous, the jealousy texts. Using jealousy via a text message is a subtle art. In a way, you want to make your ex aware that you are out having fun with other guys that aren’t him but it won’t go over too well if you straight up text him “hey I was out on a date last night and I did blah blah blah.” Yeaaa…. you need to be really subtle at the way you work jealousy into your text messages. I am going to give you two really clever examples below that demonstrate this point. Now, there are thousands of ways to work jealousy into a text message but you are going to have to get creative because I am just going to give you these two examples (I am getting a little tired of writing to be honest haha.)

Romantic Movie

The romantic movie jealousy text I can’t take credit for. A guy named Michael Fiore really came up with it but I actually think it is really clever. Basically, you text your ex that you went to see a romantic movie with a friend (you don’t specify if the friend is male or female.) The fact that the words romantic and friend are placed so close together in the text will make your ex boyfriend wonder a little bit.

romantic movie text

Was That You?

This is another text that I can’t take credit for. Again, Mr. Fiore deserves all the credit. Basically, in this text your are going to send your ex boyfriend a message saying something like “was that you at (place you frequent) last night.” If you want to get really aggressive with it you can add in “if it was, you looked really good ;)”

jealousy (did I see you at)

November 8, 2016

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

What Do You Think? (383)

  1. Amber - 0


    Hi Amor,

    I have been in a relationship for the past year and a half, we were best friends and were perfect for each other (we were basically the same person) .. he was obsessed with me and we used to speak about marriage, kids, our future together etc all the time and it was 90% of the time him bring those topics up.

    He started acting distant about a month before we broke up but I thought maybe it was because I had taken up working on the weekends for the past 3 months… I shoved it aside because we both had leave in December.. when December came, we only saw each other once and that’s when we started arguing because I missed him and hardly saw him… he got cross and we fought and he decided to break up over text right before Christmas on the 20th … we then met up to exchange our things and he said he wants to spend more time focusing on family, work and getting his license for flying and is unfair on me because he is starting night shifts and when he is off will be getting his hours and he won’t be able to see me much.. and he said that theres is no one else in the picture , he hasn’t met anyone and probably won’t even date for a whole year. I was shattered and was in tears and begged unfortunately – but this didn’t change his mind.

    I was devistated… I have never loved someone so much and was completely shattered.

    Christmas came and I got a text saying merry Christmas I hope you have an incredible day and ended it off with “I do still love you”

    I replied saying I hope he had a great Christmas but ignored the love part… he then only opened my xmas present on Boxing Day and sent another text saying how amazing it is and how much he loves it and posted it onto FB without tagging me. I said it’s a pleasure and just thanked him for my gift.

    Nothing was said until New Years, so I thought if he could text me first for xmas I’ll be the bigger person and said a very neutral happy New Years message, he read it and didn’t reply.

    I had been posting things since we broke up on Facebook about my new job, the birth of my niece(he didn’t even acknowledge even though he was so excited to see her) , etc and he ended up deleting me and majority of our mutual friends from my side and said he doesn’t want to see what I post or me be in his news feed and that I untagged myself from our pictures … he said it was weird so I left it.

    I said I still really miss and love him and he said he did too… I tried asking if we can meet up and chat about our new careers and just chat here up and he said he was busy at the moment and I haven’t heard from him since..

    I’m scared he has met someone new or will move on… but I don’t understand how he could turn so cold after being so inlove???
    What should I do? I really don’t want to lose the love of my life.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Amber,

      I don’t like being blunt, it’s like you’ve lost him already since you’re not together anymore. That’s why your goal is re-attracting and not keeping. Do you want to try the no contact rule?

  2. Rachel - 0


    How do I know, if my comment went trough… I don’t see it.

  3. Rachel - 0


    Hi! I am in desperate need of advice: So my ex broke up with me on November 2nd claiming he was thinking about going to Europe and study. I told him I loved him and wanted him to be happy so I would support him. I started NC since day 1, and did almost 2 months of NC,We iniciated a bit of contact around christmas, even though i started notice he was spending lots of time with his ex, his family and friends love her, anyways, a week ago we met for the first time after 2 months to talk and he wanted to give my child a christmas gift, so qe did. He came to say he loved me and misses me. He promised there was nothing going on with his ex and that he wanted to take one day at a time, and see where this is going, he even kissed me goodbye and spent the whole evening holding me. 3 days later after no signs of him I called him to invite him to watch a movie, he said he couldn’t but that he really wanted to, that we should do it next week and to that I said lets talk about it next week. He spend that day with her ex and on the next day I went partying and bumped with him and his ex. I was so sad that I asked a friend to act like if he was into me, and my ex was furious, so mad. He stayed away from his ex, but didn’t even came to say hi to me… so I kept my plan going on, I really could tell he was jealous, and since i was having a really good time i didn’t even notice he had left. Since I was drinking tons, I drunk dialed him at 3am, of course the was no anwser, he didn’t write back or anything. Now its been 3 days, haven’t heard from him! I think I screwed up big time What should I do? Help!

    • Rachel - 0


      While trying to make him jealous, there was no kissing involved or even holding hands with my friend. We just did shot, and talked while being flirty

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Rachel,

      thr only way is to check back on your comment.. your mistake is that you rushed to the meet up phase..Rebuild rapport first through texts and calls. Rught now, rest for a week before initiating again..

  4. Emma - 0


    Hi, I have a question. How do you make your ex jealous subtly through mutual friends? I recently told mine (that has always been difficult to get a commitment from) that I needed some space from us (planning on the 30 day no rule and focusing on myself and taking the advice above) but how do I make it more effective when a mutual friend is checking up on me and asking me how I am doing and I know my response will get back to my ex? Any suggestions?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Emma,

      then tell that friend what you’ve been doing and the people you’ve been hanging out with

  5. Torri - 0


    I need some advice. I broke up with my ex in October, implemented NC in November. Went the 30 days. He tried contacting me about 2 weeks in saying he needed to talk in person. After the 30 days I did exactly what I was supposed to. Engage in nice convo, have something interesting to talk about, etc. He was calling me and facetiming me. Even told me he loved me and offered to pay my phone bill and pay for my uber both ways to see him (i declined both; I wasn’t ready to see him just yet). About 2 weeks ago I started realizing he wasn’t calling or texting me much any more and when I texted him he would take forever to respond. I blew up on him then he said he didn’t want to talk to me anymore for fear of the passed situations. I acted like it didn’t bother me. I did something stupid and pretended to text him like I was texting another guy. Basically he was under the impression I was talking to someone. He called me a bunch of times but I didn’t answer and he cursed me out through text. He said he wanted to tell me he wanted to get back together but now he didn’t want to, along with a bunch of other stuff. He thought I was having sex with the imaginary guy, but I told him we were just friends and I haven’t had sex with anyone but him (in early November was the last time). After a few days I played nice and texted him asking him how was work. He responded twice the whole day then this morning tells me he decided that he wanted to chill and wasn’t ready for anything. I was upset because he is doing too much back and forth and so stupid thing number 2, I told him I got back with my ex (who he knows as my soulmate and the guy who is perfect for me and he is pretty jealous of him). He gets really upset and says I’m a liar and he can’t trust me and that’s why he doesn’t want to be with me. He says I’m pushy and he’s not ready for a relationship and he doesn’t want to talk to me again. But the roles were reversed. I was sending 1 sentence texts and he was sending paragraphs at a time. This is during the time he would usually say he’s busy at work and blah blah blah. I said “you just said you weren’t ready for anything so why are you upset, you should be happy for me”. He went on to curse the guys name, and make excuses for why he wasn’t doing what I told him my ex was trying and is now doing for me (my ex really has been contacting me since May trying to see me and apologizing, telling me to break up with my then boyfriend). He told me to block him forever, then he said he’s going to block me. I said ok. I assumed he would block me immediately because when I get mad at him he goes on the block list before the message says delivered. So I texted him “ok well much love” 2 or 3 minutes later just to see if he blocked me and he responded “Lol”.

    So my problem is that of course I want to get him back and I really do love him. I’m not pressed to jump into a relationship right now but I want to be in a space where we can communicate effectively, get to know each other better, and fall in love harder than before. I believe he does love me but he doesn’t communicate well and he does not like to show his emotions (unless its anger). He has some growing up to do and I’m cool with that. I just want to be around to grow with him and if we get to a point where a relationship seems right then we can try again. On the other hand he is hot and cold and send me mixed signals which makes me very confused. Now include the bad guy because I’m “dating an ex”. I plan to do no contact for 2 months instead of one this time. Any advice to get myself out of this drama and back in good graces with the man I love?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Torri,

      don’t do that again ever. Don’t do or say something when you’re angry. I agree with the 2 or make it 3 but keep in mind, that’s your last best chance, so, use it as a restart.

    • Torri - 0


      I emailed him yesterday just to let him know I “called it off” with the other guy. I told him not for him but because I felt it was the best decision for me. I left the email short. Told him I hope him and his daughter were well and to take care. He didn’t respond but I didn’t expect him to. I still plan to go no contact for a few months. Any advice on what to do after nc is completed? I already completed 30 day nc once, it was successful in him missing me, contacting me, and apparently wanting to get back together, but the conversation we were supposed to have never happened to lead to that point.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it would still be the same step after nc..initiate a conversation that is interesting for him, better if it’s a current hot topic at that time

  6. Hermetic - 0


    Hi Amor
    I was in a long distance relationship with a guy who was one of my family member ( i mean we knew each other and now he is in another country for education) we had this relationship for marriage, we had a very nice relations we talked about 2,3 hours in day and video call but he wasn’t active as me, i mean i was the person who started the conversation every time but he answered me warmly and when I stopped he bacame cold and we talked every week but after a while he didnt call me and when I called he acted very cold without any reason , its been about 6 month since we talked and now i knew that he came to my country about 2 month ago but he didnt tell me( the time that he became cold with me he was in my country dating another girl) I stopped calling him but he called me every 2 or 3 weeks, and i think he is thinking about me and he cant choice between me and a new girl. I knew that he is coming This month so the question is that is there any chance to be with him again( i was loving him very much before he started talking and always thinking of him) so please help me and guide me if there is a chance to make him love me ( we are in our 4 decades and he is 7 years older than me)

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Hermetic,

      you mean he’s a family friend? When did you last talk? do you want to try the no contact rule?

  7. Gloria - 0


    Hi Amor. I commented on another post and we had a long thread going. I’ve been trying to get my ex back for a year trying various methods on the site, including NC several times. We had a complicated breakup, very messy, lots of anger on his part. He’s very stubborn and did a lot of ignoring, so I thought I should get out there a little. I was casually dating someone for a month, but it didn’t work out which is fine with me – I had no feelings. HOWEVER. I brought this guy to a party where my ex was, and he saw us together. Next thing you know, he told our mutual friend how much he hates the guy – but they didn’t even speak! So he’s totally jealous. Yet he insists he doesn’t have feelings for me, so why is he jealous some other guy is talking to me? How can I use this newfound jealousy to work towards getting him back? Thanks, Amor!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Gloria,

      yup! I remember you! Well, it’s just normal that he would be jealous, because you used to be his.. but that’s a good start..you need to date again and continue the stuff you are doing.. it’s just really that

    • Gloria - 0


      OK, I’ll continue what I’m doing. This past weekend we all took a trip to the mountains and he came with us, so we were pretty close in this mountain cabin. There was no ignoring or being awkward with me. It felt like we were together again. It’s so easy to fall back into the same routines – he forgot shampoo so he asked to share mine, he asked me to help him clean up bottles after we all drank, he walked outside with me when we had to grab a deck of cards from the car (even though it was a one person task – he said “Maybe I just wanted the company!”), we sat next to each other in the hot tub, we sat next to each other playing card games, we shared inside jokes – even a dirty joke once where he winked at me!

      I know when you dated as long as we did (two years), it’s natural to be drawn to each other. But I still feel like we have a connection. I feel like there are some feelings there on his end, under the surface, but he’s scared to let them appear because he doesn’t want to get hurt again. But the fact that we can spend a weekend together getting along, no drama or making a scene or having anybody feel uncomfortable..that’s really good right??

      I know my situation is more difficult than most, and it’s going slower than what I usually see on here. I know Chris loves a challenge though. Is there any way you could ask him what my next step should be? Do I text my ex in a few days? How can I capitalize on what seems to be a lasting connection between us? You keep saying to just continue what I’m doing with my own life, and believe me I am. I need direction on what to do next with him though, because I’m absolutely positive I still want him back. Your team is my only help!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      I do, I can ask, but honestly there’s no guarantee that he can answer because he’s also handling the podcasts and other inquiries.. if you want, you can try the podcast

    • Gloria - 0


      I left a podcast message. What do you think my next step should be? Should I try a text? I feel like if I text it’ll be obvious to him I’m trying to win him back, even if it’s something casual because he knows I still have feelings for him. But if I don’t text, then nothing happens. Help?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Yes, to be honest.. You have to set a limit on until when you would try because if you don’t, it would go longer without progress. Like if this is the last attempt, give yourself, maybe two months.. If it really doesn’t progress, then you have to move on

    • Gloria - 0


      OK, I’ll make this my last attempt. Do I text him? It’s been three days since we got back from the trip to the mountains. I don’t think he will text me first, but I don’t mind starting a conversation.

      If I start the convo and then disappear (ending it first but not saying “bye”), is that an effective tactic? I read that Chris said he prefers ending by disappearing rather than telling them you’re going so you leave them wanting more.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      most of the time it works, but of course it will depend on the conversation.. if it’s a wonderful story conversation and you left at the high note of it suddenly, that’s ok but if he’s asking something important and you didn’t answer, that would be rude

    • Gloria - 0


      Update – These interactions are very confusing. Last night we went to the same party..and he kissed me!! We were sober so it wasn’t alcohol-induced. We ended up spending the night together (no sex). Lots of laughing and joking, tickling, cuddling. But he’s still saying he’s moved on and has no feelings for me. Huh?? The words and actions don’t make sense, UGH. What do you make of it?

      Today I was very straight up with him and asked, “Do you enjoy spending time with me?” He said yes. “Are you attracted to me?” Yes. “Do you like me as a person?” Yes. So what’s keeping you from wanting a relationship? And he said he doesn’t want to feel pressured or obligated, or lose his “me time,” and we had bad communication before so he felt like he couldn’t voice these concerns. I tried to explain those aspects shouldn’t be in a healthy relationship to begin with! I suggested we take it slow and see each other casually, and he was thinking for quite awhile and struggling to decide..he asked if he could have some time to think about it. I said OK. The fact that he was struggling vs. just saying no means at least some part of him wants to, right? Should I just wait for him to text me his answer, or do I contact him in a couple days and ask for his decision?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      when he said he doesn’t want to feel pressured and he doesn’t want to lose his me time, that means you asking or texting for an answer is pressure. I know it’s so hard, but the translation of that is, until he’s sure that you’re independent enough, or you have your own life enough not to bother him with anything he wants to do, he will not commit.

    • Gloria - 0


      That’s fair. But it’s a good thing he’s considering it, right? So is there anything I can do to encourage him to say yes? Or do I just wait patiently for his answer? You know from our previous communication that he avoids confrontation and hasn’t been texting me first at all..so I don’t really see him texting first even after he’s made a decision!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yep, it’s a very good thing… I know it’s been going on so long now, but I think, you really have no better choice than to patient, give him time and then when you know you’ve given him enough time and he still hasn’t answered, ask him. At least you know you didn’t rush.

    • Gloria - 0


      I texted him asking how his trip went and we talked about that for a bit, then I sent him a song I knew he’d like (which he did). I asked if he wanted to hang out this week. He said he might be free Saturday. So today I texted to find out the plan. He said, “I’ve been thinking about what we discussed and it’s not for me. It just feels too familiar – when we hang out it feels like we’re still together and I don’t really like it. I know how I am. I can’t really do the casual thing and because of our history it will put me in a different frame of mind where I won’t want to meet other people; I’ll just want you. It just feels like I’m moving backwards.”

      What do you make of this? So he can’t be casual with me because he’ll end up wanting me? He can’t see me because it feels like we’re dating, we’re so comfortable and get along so well? That’s kind of the whole point! It sounds like fear to me. It’s like the guy who love somebody so much but is afraid to propose – because of his own fears, not because he doesn’t love the girl. That’s what I think is holding him back.. his fears, not his feelings. Please help me figure out what to do next!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      I think you have to move on.. Whether it’s commitment issues or not, bottomline is he doesnt want to go back with you.. You’ve invested so much time and energy already. There’s no point in wasting more

    • Gloria - 0


      Well, I’m a Kai, as Chris teaches in his very first email module…so I’m not ready to just give up because it’s gotten hard. This site is supposed to help people get exes back even in difficult situations..Chris always continues to advise people even when the odds look low. And I’ve asked my same questions to Jennifer and she’s telling me I have an amazing chance and am making huge progress?? So I’m a little confused here..

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      That’s good for you that Jen said that, because it’s a great support since you still want to go on but when did she say that?

      My recent answer is based in what he recently said and from my knowledge of how long you’ve been doing this.

      Chris and Jen are very supportive and you’re right they want to give a possible solution as long as it can, and I’m with them about that of course. But I cant speak for why Jen said that against why I said what I said.

      I’m going to be very honest, it’s been a year, and him saying that being with you feels like it’s moving backwards is not a good sign. That means it’s not progress. He sees the old issues. And I remember, I did say, that’s it’s good sign that he’s considering before but he’s latest answer(for me, at least) is like yes, he feels something for you, but he still sees the old you. To give you a little hope, unless he feels that you’re just really getting good, getting better and if he doesn’t act now, he’s going to lose you then maybe, that can change his mind. It’s like nc all over again. But I guess, it’s either you tell him that you can’t wait forever or move on. It’s that sense of urgency. Like, you don’t have a lifetime to wait for him to be brave.

      But I would talk to Jen, and try to find out why she said what she said, and give her my take too. We’re going to brainstorm. If I’m wrong. I would be really happy for you. So, I hope you can wait. I’ll email her later and ask her about your situation.

    • Gloria - 0


      Thank you SO MUCH for asking Jen for me! Did she reply to you? Her answer was right after I told her about spending the night with him – she said, “THAT IS AMAZING NEWS!!! Actions speak louder than words so your in a good spot. I know we’ve been talking on here for a while and your patience is paying off. Keep up what your doing, it’s working.” She hasn’t yet replied to my update on how he said it feels like “going backwards.”

      I really appreciate your honesty, and I know it’s a long shot. I really think his reluctance is not because he doesn’t feel something toward me or because I’m not an attractive partner for him. I fixed what was wrong with the “old me.” He TOLD me as recently as a few weeks ago how funny I am, how pretty I am, how he likes spending time with me, how he has fun when we’re together, how he remembers all our little jokes and such! We have common interests, mutual friends and really everything you need to get along with a person, lol. It’s more about 1. the stigma around getting back with an ex 2. afraid of getting hurt again 3. afraid of not being able to stand up for himself in a relationship…he said he feels obligated/pressured to do things when he’s dating because he’s so nonconfrontational that he fears bringing up issues. He just goes along with everything and lets resentment build up. But I can work with him on that! I WANT to work with him. I want him to feel safe with me.

      Since everything that happened with me staying over a few weeks ago, we haven’t seen each other, but we’ve texted and he doesn’t ignore me or anything. I haven’t brought up emotional stuff again. One thing – I realized I forgot my watch at his place. He hasn’t said anything about it and I’m wondering if he’s waiting for me to ask about it…what’s a casual way to be like, “Hey can I come get it” without him thinking it’s a ploy to see him (I mean, it’d be nice to see him too of course lol). Also, did you and Jen come up with any new strategies I can try? Any ideas would be much appreciated!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Gloria,

      actually, Jen isn’t sure, which Gloria are you in the comments.. and did you mean she talked to you in Youtube comments? But I did forward your recent comment here.Correct me if I’m wrong, are you beauty by Gloria? She said Chris would check it.. just remind me if there’s no update yet.

    • Gloria - 0


      Yes, I’m Beauty by Gloria on YouTube. Thank you!

      P.S. What do you think of the watch thing? How to go about getting it back? I’m surprised he hasn’t said, “Hey, I have your watch”..lol

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Maybe he’s not really paying much attention to it, or yes he’s just waiting for you to ask for it and it slipped his mind.. Just ask, like I forgot my watch in your place, have you seen it? it’s yours, it’s normal that you would want it back.

Join the Conversation: