Want to make your ex jealous?

Then you’re in the right place.

Because today I’m going to show you the most effective ways to make your ex jealous so that they are drawn to you after a breakup.

The methods I am about to unveil to you can be applied across all kinds of mediums like,

  • Text Messages
  • Snapchat
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • WhatsApp
  • And Even School

Are you ready to dive in?

Let’s do this!

What To Do To Make Your Ex Jealous

I’ve written a lot about jealousy on this website and even recommend it in my book.

However, it is my intention to make this article the ultimate “hub” of information when it comes to jealousy tactics.

I have been doing this for over 6 years and throughout that time I have constantly fine tuned and refined my thoughts on jealousy.

As it stands the best way to make your ex jealous can be divided up into four parts.

  1. Determine if jealousy is the right tactic for you to try
  2. Understand the direct vs indirect jealousy scale
  3. Implement the Facebook and Instagram based strategies (Indirect)
  4. Master the Texting, Snapchat and WhatsApp based strategies (Direct)

Lets start by talking about jealousy a little bit.

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1. Is Jealousy The Right Strategy To Win Your Ex Back?

One thing my tenure at Ex Boyfriend Recovery has taught me has been that no two situations are ever alike.

What works for someone may not necessarily work for the next person.

Sure, I’ve talked about my endless desire to find “the truth” of winning an ex back by locating the universal strategies but those are few and far between.

And that’s where jealousy comes into play.

Jealousy is one of those strategies that I feel is universal but there are certain situations where it’s a nightmare to use.

But before I dive into what those situations are lets take a look at why jealousy is a viable strategy to get your ex back.

Why Making Your Ex Jealous Works

Like I’ said above, I’ve been doing this for a very long time.

This means that I have a lot of firsthand experience at seeing what works and doesn’t work. In fact, I talk about this experience quite a bit in my book and have even written a few articles on this.

One consistent “through line” I see connecting success story to success story is this idea of “the fear of loss.”

Essentially, you need to position yourself in a way that convinces your ex that they may lose you forever.

It’s at this point that they start to consider what they are about to lose. If they feel that they can’t live without you they start to take action and often that action comes in the form of a commitment.

Now, there are a lot of intricacies of the strategy that I am skipping over but if you can successfully position yourself in a way that makes your ex think they’ll lose you forever the better off you’ll be.

(For the record, if you want a crash course on “the strategy” I recommend watching this,)

Jealousy is a tactic that taps into that “fear of loss.”

By having your ex see you with someone else they are forced to confront a reality where you aren’t obsessing over them.

That’s exactly where you want them.

Thus far we have been operating under the assumption that everything is going to work out perfectly when you use jealousy but what if you encounter a situation where your ex has severe trust issues?

Well, that’s why I hesitate to fully say that jealousy is a universal strategy as there are situations where I would recommend that clients avoid it like the plague.

Situations Where You Shouldn’t Be Using Jealousy

Last month I was hired by a client who wanted me to help her get her ex back.

Her situation was a bit complicated but essentially it boiled down to this, she cheated on her ex boyfriend and this created a lot of trust issues that the relationship simply couldn’t sustain.

Do you think that my client should be using jealousy as a primary strategy to get her ex back?

Of course not.

In situations where your ex has severe trust issues with you the worst thing you can do is reinforce those negative assumptions by trying to make your ex jealous.

Getting an ex back is a little like trying to lure a wild animal away from it’s den. If you do and say the right things you have a pretty decent shot but one misstep and it’s game over.

So, here is the general rule that you should live by. If you find yourself in any of these situations DO NOT use jealousy,

  • Your ex has severe trust issues with you
  • You cheated on your ex
  • Jealousy hasn’t worked well for you in the past

Ok, now that we have that concept out of the way lets move on and talk about direct and indirect jealousy.

2. Understand The Direct Vs. Indirect Scale When It Comes To Jealousy

In my opinion, there are two major categories when it comes to jealousy.

Direct Jealousy – Any technique used where you are trying to make your ex jealous by directly talking to him or her

Indirect Jealousy- Any technique used where you are trying to make your ex jealous without talking to him or her

Each category has the same “end goal” it’s just that they go down completely different paths in how they achieve that end goal.

Now, as you read through this section you may find that you are inevitably drawn to one aspect more than the other.

It’s important for you to implement BOTH types of jealousy on your ex if you want to have the maximum results.

But before we get into that lets talk a little about something I like to call “the scale.”

Do you notice how indirect jealousy and direct jealousy are at opposite ends of the spectrum?

Every type of jealousy ploy you attempt can be plotted on this scale. In fact, as I continue to teach you throughout this article I am going to be giving you a few jealousy techniques that you can try out.

In addition to teaching you how to use those jealousy techniques I am going to plot them on the scale for you so you can see where they fall.

3. Grasp The Facebook And Instagram Based Strategies (Indirect Jealousy)

Facebook and Instagram were designed in a way to make them perfect for indirect jealousy.

Just as a quick recap,

Indirect Jealousy: A technique where you are trying to make your ex jealous without talking to him or her.

So, this may seem confusing at first but I want you to take a moment to read this article I wrote.

……

……

You didn’t read it, did you?

Well, in it I cite research where a graduate student found that close to 90% of exes will “Facebook Creep” on their exes social media profiles.

This has definitely consistent with my own findings over the years.

If your ex is going to check up on you then that means, in a way, you can control the narrative of what they are consuming related to you.

This makes it the perfect proving ground for indirect jealousy.

Using Indirect Jealousy On Facebook And Instagram

The key to indirect jealousy is to lead your ex in the direction you want them to go but don’t actually show them what’s at the end.

I’ll give you an example.

Last year I was on the phone with a coaching client and she was telling me an interesting story of a picture she posted on Facebook.

Apparently she had gone out to eat with one of her guy friends and took a picture of what they were eating.

It just so happened that she took the picture in a way that included her friends arm at the top of the picture.

Anyways, she posted the picture to Facebook and then a few hours later got this text from her ex,

Her ex is clearly jealous, right?

Here’s the best part. When I shared this story with my private support group the “arm picture” was born and spread like wildfire,

This is a perfect example of how indirect jealousy should be used.

It’s also as indirect as you can get,

So, now that you have an idea of what “indirect jealousy” is lets move on and talk about the other side of the coin.

4. Master the Texting, Snapchat and WhatsApp Based Strategies (Direct Jealousy)

Direct jealousy is very straightforward.

This is where we are talking directly to our exes and say something that will ultimately make them jealous.

Now, this is where I tend to have some philosophical differences than my peers.

I am a big believer that less is more.

Some of my peers will have you believe that if you send a text or snap like this,

That, that is the best way to create jealousy with your ex.

I actually think that’s the dumbest way that you can use direct jealousy.

I think that you can employ a little bit of what I taught you above in texts to your ex.

Lead your ex in the direction you want them to go but don’t actually show them what’s at the end.

In other words, you should be doing a form of indirect direct jealousy,

Notice how it isn’t so far skewed to the direct side like the text above certainly was but it isn’t exactly indirect either.

It kind of skews that grey area.

I don’t think we give exes enough credit to read between the lines but believe me when I say that they can and will read between the lines.

Here is an example of a way you can do that,

Notice how you don’t specify the gender of that friend and how the movie needs to be romantic by nature.

The are the bread crumbs that will eventually lead your ex down the following path,

Do you see how such a simple text message, if properly constructed, can lead your ex down a path where they start thinking thoughts that are consistent with someone being jealous.

I learned a long time ago that if you force someone to think a certain way it’ll backfire. It’s a lot more powerful if they come to conclusions on their own.

The same is true with jealousy.

If you can lead your ex down the path and have them come to their own conclusions it is way more powerful than forcing them to feel a certain way.

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905 thoughts on “How To Make Your Ex Jealous (Based On Real Life Experiences)”

  1. princess

    September 7, 2013 at 7:25 pm

    We wer in a relationship for the past 10 months…he feels insecure…his sister hates me cos she feels i took him away from the family…it matters so much to him…he says he is not mature yet..n he is still a kid at heart…he is 19…he says that am perfect n he is not..he is too possessive …he loves me still but he doesn’t want the relationship to continue cos we wont b happy..he says am organizd n he is a loser…i want him soo badly..i lov him like crazy…wat am i supposed to do..

    1. admin

      admin

      September 8, 2013 at 12:33 am

      You might want to try the no contact rule.

    2. princess

      September 8, 2013 at 10:07 am

      This is the the second tym he is doin this…i tried the nc rule(before reading yur page)…it worked out…wil he come bak the next tym too if i try it.cos will a person comitt the same mistake twice??

    3. admin

      admin

      September 8, 2013 at 4:50 pm

      I think it can work!

    4. princess

      September 8, 2013 at 5:00 pm

      Again…sorry am botherin u with this..but am jus too tensed…i want him bak real soon..can u suggest something else

    5. admin

      admin

      September 9, 2013 at 6:44 pm

      Honestly, you might want to check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO. There is a lot of valuable information in there.

  2. princess

    March 30, 2018 at 6:26 am

    We wer in a relationship for the past 10 months…he feels insecure…his sister hates me cos she feels i took him away from the family…it matters so much to him…he says he is not mature yet..n he is still a kid at heart…he is 19…he says that am perfect n he is not..he is too possessive …he loves me still but he doesn’t want the relationship to continue cos we wont b happy..he says am organizd n he is a loser…i want him soo badly..i lov him like crazy…wat am i supposed to do..

    1. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 10:24 am

      You might want to try the no contact rule.

    2. princess

      March 30, 2018 at 12:30 pm

      This is the the second tym he is doin this…i tried the nc rule(before reading yur page)…it worked out…wil he come bak the next tym too if i try it.cos will a person comitt the same mistake twice??

    3. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 12:51 pm

      I think it can work!

    4. princess

      March 30, 2018 at 3:34 pm

      Again…sorry am botherin u with this..but am jus too tensed…i want him bak real soon..can u suggest something else

    5. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 6:17 pm

      Honestly, you might want to check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO. There is a lot of valuable information in there.

  3. Annie

    August 30, 2013 at 8:08 am

    Been dating this guy for the past 4months now..I love him so much and he love me too,but the problem here is that he’s hot temper and anytime we argue or quarrel he always end up beating me up,the other time we quarrel he gave me black eye.and I forgave him!..I love him so much sometimes whenever he threaten to leave me I will beg him.but On august 25th we quarrel again and he hit me and packed my things and left his house,since then he have not heard from him,he hasn’t called or pinged me and me too have been ignoring him.what should I do at this point please.

    1. admin

      admin

      August 31, 2013 at 2:12 am

      You should definitely start a NC period.

  4. Annie

    March 30, 2018 at 6:26 am

    Been dating this guy for the past 4months now..I love him so much and he love me too,but the problem here is that he’s hot temper and anytime we argue or quarrel he always end up beating me up,the other time we quarrel he gave me black eye.and I forgave him!..I love him so much sometimes whenever he threaten to leave me I will beg him.but On august 25th we quarrel again and he hit me and packed my things and left his house,since then he have not heard from him,he hasn’t called or pinged me and me too have been ignoring him.what should I do at this point please.

    1. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 10:24 am

      You should definitely start a NC period.

  5. Carrie D

    August 26, 2013 at 9:20 pm

    My ex boyfriend lives right next door to me. It makes it that much harder for me and I’m sure him as well. We have been back and forth in this relationship for over a year and have been friends for years before we dated. I know if I didn’t live next door to him I could do the NC rule very easily. Every time I even see him I try to pretend that I’m this strong woman and I don’t give a shit but actually my anxiety is thru the roof. I need to get it thru his head that I’m serious and that if he wants to be with me forever, that the things I’ve discussed with him, need to be done as far as what I need in the relationship. His actions and words are completely two different things and he pretends that that’s not true. I’m 36 and he’s 37. He has a 10 yr old son that I love as if he was my own. I just tried ending things with him on Friday because I won’t accept some of the ways he treats me. Like I’ve said before, we have been back and forth and we always get back together. U know I want to be with him and I know he wants to be with me but he is so damn self centered and of course he won’t see things I do about some things, well… He says he understands what I need but then he will hurt me emotionally (as long as he doesn’t have to physically see me hurting) and do what he wants regardless of what I feel. I’m at the point that maybe I need to just move on and as of right now I’m doing great because he is out of town until Wednesday. I just know that at some point I will break the NC rule because I do see him every day and especially if he dates someone else. What am I suppose to do in this messed up situation?

    1. admin

      admin

      August 27, 2013 at 4:15 am

      I suppose you can do a minimal contact which is essentially what you described below.

      Also, I would like to recommend Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO. Yes, you will have to pay for it but I don’t want that to be an issue. If you think it is too much then you can just email me and I will make it affordable for your budget.

  6. Carrie D

    March 30, 2018 at 6:26 am

    My ex boyfriend lives right next door to me. It makes it that much harder for me and I’m sure him as well. We have been back and forth in this relationship for over a year and have been friends for years before we dated. I know if I didn’t live next door to him I could do the NC rule very easily. Every time I even see him I try to pretend that I’m this strong woman and I don’t give a shit but actually my anxiety is thru the roof. I need to get it thru his head that I’m serious and that if he wants to be with me forever, that the things I’ve discussed with him, need to be done as far as what I need in the relationship. His actions and words are completely two different things and he pretends that that’s not true. I’m 36 and he’s 37. He has a 10 yr old son that I love as if he was my own. I just tried ending things with him on Friday because I won’t accept some of the ways he treats me. Like I’ve said before, we have been back and forth and we always get back together. U know I want to be with him and I know he wants to be with me but he is so damn self centered and of course he won’t see things I do about some things, well… He says he understands what I need but then he will hurt me emotionally (as long as he doesn’t have to physically see me hurting) and do what he wants regardless of what I feel. I’m at the point that maybe I need to just move on and as of right now I’m doing great because he is out of town until Wednesday. I just know that at some point I will break the NC rule because I do see him every day and especially if he dates someone else. What am I suppose to do in this messed up situation?

    1. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 10:24 am

      I suppose you can do a minimal contact which is essentially what you described below.

      Also, I would like to recommend Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO. Yes, you will have to pay for it but I don’t want that to be an issue. If you think it is too much then you can just email me and I will make it affordable for your budget.

  7. prncess

    August 17, 2013 at 11:58 am

    wel sorry..i was in hurry at that time..i m applying NC n also i am making him jealous..but now i got to know from one of my friend that he says he dont trust me…in this situation also…should i make him jealous ??

    1. admin

      admin

      August 18, 2013 at 4:04 am

      Hmm… I don’t think it could hurt actually. You are a single woman right? You are free to talk with other men.

  8. prncess

    March 30, 2018 at 6:26 am

    wel sorry..i was in hurry at that time..i m applying NC n also i am making him jealous..but now i got to know from one of my friend that he says he dont trust me…in this situation also…should i make him jealous ??

    1. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 10:24 am

      Hmm… I don’t think it could hurt actually. You are a single woman right? You are free to talk with other men.

  9. The Phee

    August 17, 2013 at 5:04 am

    My ex bf nd I had been dating for 1yr 6 months and out of the blue he broke up with me, I stil don’t know the reason even today why he did it. I did all the wrong things that I wasn’t suppose to do because I wanted him to know that I love him….its been a month since we broke up and I am thinking of applying the NC rule but am not sure if it will work because I had rumours that he has a girlfriend and he told my cousin that he will never date me again. But a couple of days back it was his birthday and I decided to send him a happy birthday message and ever since then he started calling me and saying he enjoys hearing my voice I am very confused because when he broke up with me he said I should never contact him. Please help

    1. admin

      admin

      August 18, 2013 at 3:32 am

      Why not try out NC? You have nothing to lose.

  10. The Phee

    March 30, 2018 at 6:26 am

    My ex bf nd I had been dating for 1yr 6 months and out of the blue he broke up with me, I stil don’t know the reason even today why he did it. I did all the wrong things that I wasn’t suppose to do because I wanted him to know that I love him….its been a month since we broke up and I am thinking of applying the NC rule but am not sure if it will work because I had rumours that he has a girlfriend and he told my cousin that he will never date me again. But a couple of days back it was his birthday and I decided to send him a happy birthday message and ever since then he started calling me and saying he enjoys hearing my voice I am very confused because when he broke up with me he said I should never contact him. Please help

    1. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 10:24 am

      Why not try out NC? You have nothing to lose.

  11. prncess

    August 15, 2013 at 3:10 pm

    hey šŸ™ i need my boyfriend lyk soo badly..bt due to sm issues in his family he is denying fr a relationship n wants to be my frnd only..he said to me yesterday he lovd me so mch when we were in relationshp…he broke up with me 2 months ago n since dat day i hav makin each n evry possible way to get him back..bt he iz nt ready at any cost šŸ™ i dnt knw wat to do..i cnt move on..coz i love him lyk anythng…i did’nt try NC..nw m thnkin of applying it…should i ??…n should i make him jealous in a good way ?? plzz hlp..m in a big trouble..i m nt able to concntrate on my studies olso…plz hlpp.. šŸ™

    1. admin

      admin

      August 16, 2013 at 2:27 am

      NC for sure, also you might need some grammar lessons.

      No jk jk (well actually not though)

  12. prncess

    March 30, 2018 at 6:26 am

    hey šŸ™ i need my boyfriend lyk soo badly..bt due to sm issues in his family he is denying fr a relationship n wants to be my frnd only..he said to me yesterday he lovd me so mch when we were in relationshp…he broke up with me 2 months ago n since dat day i hav makin each n evry possible way to get him back..bt he iz nt ready at any cost šŸ™ i dnt knw wat to do..i cnt move on..coz i love him lyk anythng…i did’nt try NC..nw m thnkin of applying it…should i ??…n should i make him jealous in a good way ?? plzz hlp..m in a big trouble..i m nt able to concntrate on my studies olso…plz hlpp.. šŸ™

    1. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 10:24 am

      NC for sure, also you might need some grammar lessons.

      No jk jk (well actually not though)

  13. ime

    August 10, 2013 at 7:22 pm

    i love my ex bf,we many times on and off relationship,we always seeing each other at work,he is separated twice the same wife due to they cheated each other part,they have one son whom in college studying.they just get back together for the sake their son and now they broke up again.when our 1st date we consider it a casual till i fell in love with him,i felt that he likes me too bcos he staring me too much every time we across outside and i feel it too,we broke up again bcos im too jealous,i learned i made a mistake but he dumped and b4 that saying bad words,its hard for to handle i’m sure when we see again at work he will ignoring he will do to makes me jealous

    1. admin

      admin

      August 11, 2013 at 3:33 am

      Have you ever tried anything like NC before?

  14. ime

    March 30, 2018 at 6:07 am

    i love my ex bf,we many times on and off relationship,we always seeing each other at work,he is separated twice the same wife due to they cheated each other part,they have one son whom in college studying.they just get back together for the sake their son and now they broke up again.when our 1st date we consider it a casual till i fell in love with him,i felt that he likes me too bcos he staring me too much every time we across outside and i feel it too,we broke up again bcos im too jealous,i learned i made a mistake but he dumped and b4 that saying bad words,its hard for to handle i’m sure when we see again at work he will ignoring he will do to makes me jealous

    1. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 10:24 am

      Have you ever tried anything like NC before?

  15. Ana28

    August 4, 2013 at 9:07 am

    Here is my story. We dated for six months, and I made a mistake of breaking up after huge insecurity from my side caused by fact that a guy who I supposed to marry 3 years ago actually cheated on me and now has a baby with my best friend at the time(my now ex knows about this).This insecurity came when my ex did not answer or anything for 2 days and I thought he was cheating or doing the silence breakup( he was not he was just on a field work in another country ( LOL i know how it sounds, but his job is actually to deport people from our country) The break up was awful and I did all the possible mistakes-broke it off, over the phone, and then 1 day later realized what I have done then started texting, calling for 2 days ( you know how it goes from here , pathetic and sad)… I really love this guy, and I have a pretty good feeling he feels the same, and yes I can live without him but my life is so much better with him , we share same values in life and have same goals. I really want him back . Now he does not have Facebook account( he just does not like it), he of course ignores my calls , and our work places are too far away. I would appreciate any words of wisdom.

    1. admin

      admin

      August 5, 2013 at 3:14 am

      Well, I do think you made the mistakes but as long as you enter NC you should be able to erase some of them.

    2. Ana28

      August 6, 2013 at 12:07 am

      Well, here is an update. We actually spoke today briefly 2 times , my sister needed help with something(she is hunted by this guy at work and it became really trouble for her) so he actually decided he will go and have “the talk” with him.I asked him for help in this matter over text, and he responded straight away and later called me to speak about the situation with my sis which we did, randomly at the time my dad called at the other phone and I asked him to pls wait for a sec , my dad wanted help to try to find some car part (we do not live in a same city) I told my ex about it and he said he will try to find it for him..Now, he did spoke to the guy to leave her alone. I called him later that day to thank him, it was 30 sec conversation and that was it..He is going in 3 days abroad for 10 days..should I do anything or what? Now this gave me complete mixed signals.

    3. admin

      admin

      August 6, 2013 at 3:49 am

      Mixed signals indeed. What has your plan been thus far?

    4. Ana28

      August 6, 2013 at 6:15 am

      I do not have any šŸ™ Right now I am stuck and clueless any idea would be highly appreciated ..

    5. admin

      admin

      August 7, 2013 at 2:37 am

      Hahaha you have no plan. Well, you need one. Lets see here.

      Have you read the monster post on this website? I would read that thing b/c that is like a bible for getting your ex back.

  16. Ana28

    March 30, 2018 at 2:34 am

    Here is my story. We dated for six months, and I made a mistake of breaking up after huge insecurity from my side caused by fact that a guy who I supposed to marry 3 years ago actually cheated on me and now has a baby with my best friend at the time(my now ex knows about this).This insecurity came when my ex did not answer or anything for 2 days and I thought he was cheating or doing the silence breakup( he was not he was just on a field work in another country ( LOL i know how it sounds, but his job is actually to deport people from our country) The break up was awful and I did all the possible mistakes-broke it off, over the phone, and then 1 day later realized what I have done then started texting, calling for 2 days ( you know how it goes from here , pathetic and sad)… I really love this guy, and I have a pretty good feeling he feels the same, and yes I can live without him but my life is so much better with him , we share same values in life and have same goals. I really want him back . Now he does not have Facebook account( he just does not like it), he of course ignores my calls , and our work places are too far away. I would appreciate any words of wisdom.

    1. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 10:24 am

      Well, I do think you made the mistakes but as long as you enter NC you should be able to erase some of them.

    2. Ana28

      March 30, 2018 at 12:30 pm

      Well, here is an update. We actually spoke today briefly 2 times , my sister needed help with something(she is hunted by this guy at work and it became really trouble for her) so he actually decided he will go and have “the talk” with him.I asked him for help in this matter over text, and he responded straight away and later called me to speak about the situation with my sis which we did, randomly at the time my dad called at the other phone and I asked him to pls wait for a sec , my dad wanted help to try to find some car part (we do not live in a same city) I told my ex about it and he said he will try to find it for him..Now, he did spoke to the guy to leave her alone. I called him later that day to thank him, it was 30 sec conversation and that was it..He is going in 3 days abroad for 10 days..should I do anything or what? Now this gave me complete mixed signals.

    3. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 12:51 pm

      Mixed signals indeed. What has your plan been thus far?

    4. Ana28

      March 30, 2018 at 3:34 pm

      I do not have any šŸ™ Right now I am stuck and clueless any idea would be highly appreciated ..

    5. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 3:49 pm

      Hahaha you have no plan. Well, you need one. Lets see here.

      Have you read the monster post on this website? I would read that thing b/c that is like a bible for getting your ex back.

  17. nicole

    July 24, 2013 at 2:52 am

    Hi Chris,

    Here’s my story:

    Clint and I were together over 2 yrs. Amazing until the last 6 months. I was feeling out of it and apparently so was he because we talked and decided a mutual break up was best. At the time, I thought it was the best decision and felt confident.

    3 days later I found out (by habitually glancing at his phone while he was texting) that he kissed a girl the day before. I had met her and she worked at his gym.

    I flipped out. I assumed he had an emotional affair and was devastated. (He denies it and says he’s just coping with the breakup.)

    Since then he’s entered a relationship with her (she changed her Facebook status update and everything – he didn’t change his – he said he’s being sensitive to me). It’s been three weeks since we broke up.

    After about a week of the breakup, I realized all the mistakes I made in the relationship (I made him feel not good enough) and how I pushed him away. I told him, crying and sad. He has said he is fine, has already forgiven me, has moved on and doesn’t love me like that anymore.

    Yet…he sticks around and does these things:

    We work together (he is the photographer for my small biz) and when we broke up we decided to stay the course.

    Meanwhile, he says he wants to continue working together (he doesn’t get paid for his work with me) because he wants to support my dream.

    When I have been upset he spends hours talking to me about my feelings.

    He also:

    Comments on how nice I look.

    Comments on how nice I smell.

    Calls me adorable.

    Drys my tears (literally).

    When I told him I deleted him from Facebook he got sad for hours and then finally told me he was sad because now he can’t have that connection and see into my life anymore.

    He even admitted he wanted to go away with me on a weekend trip that we had planned (that I was still going on) but thought it wouldn’t be best because we might fight/talk about the relationship. (He didn’t mention how that wouldn’t be good for his new GF.)

    He agreed to go to a wedding I had already RSVP’d us too. (He was surprised I asked him to go and even made a passing comment as to whether I wanted to go with Steven (my ex he was always jealous of))

    He is clearly very hurt and angry about things that happened in our relationship. He was a little insecure when we were dating and I can’t help believe he is loving this newfound power he has.

    Almost every time he has seen me since the breakup I have been super emotional/crying and he’s had to console me.

    I never appreciated him and I took him for granted. I feel horrible about it and it feels like karma to lose him like this. I do not know that we would work out, but the pain of losing him completely is killing me.

    He doesn’t even seem to be dealing with his feelings. Like he barely communicates, he just dismisses that there is anything to feel to begin with.

    It’s very difficult to go into NC because of our work. I don’t know what to do and I feel like I have no control over anything.

    What do I do? (Besides just move on and forget about him.)

    Thanks Chris, your advice would be greatly, greatly appreciated.

    1. admin

      admin

      July 24, 2013 at 4:49 am

      Hmm…..

      He is giving you all these mixed signals isn’t he. He is doing stuff a good bf should do but you two aren’t dating anymore. Maybe his just a nice guy like that?

      If you can’t do NC then you need to do MC (minimal contact.)

  18. nicole

    March 30, 2018 at 7:45 am

    Hi Chris,

    Here’s my story:

    Clint and I were together over 2 yrs. Amazing until the last 6 months. I was feeling out of it and apparently so was he because we talked and decided a mutual break up was best. At the time, I thought it was the best decision and felt confident.

    3 days later I found out (by habitually glancing at his phone while he was texting) that he kissed a girl the day before. I had met her and she worked at his gym.

    I flipped out. I assumed he had an emotional affair and was devastated. (He denies it and says he’s just coping with the breakup.)

    Since then he’s entered a relationship with her (she changed her Facebook status update and everything – he didn’t change his – he said he’s being sensitive to me). It’s been three weeks since we broke up.

    After about a week of the breakup, I realized all the mistakes I made in the relationship (I made him feel not good enough) and how I pushed him away. I told him, crying and sad. He has said he is fine, has already forgiven me, has moved on and doesn’t love me like that anymore.

    Yet…he sticks around and does these things:

    We work together (he is the photographer for my small biz) and when we broke up we decided to stay the course.

    Meanwhile, he says he wants to continue working together (he doesn’t get paid for his work with me) because he wants to support my dream.

    When I have been upset he spends hours talking to me about my feelings.

    He also:

    Comments on how nice I look.

    Comments on how nice I smell.

    Calls me adorable.

    Drys my tears (literally).

    When I told him I deleted him from Facebook he got sad for hours and then finally told me he was sad because now he can’t have that connection and see into my life anymore.

    He even admitted he wanted to go away with me on a weekend trip that we had planned (that I was still going on) but thought it wouldn’t be best because we might fight/talk about the relationship. (He didn’t mention how that wouldn’t be good for his new GF.)

    He agreed to go to a wedding I had already RSVP’d us too. (He was surprised I asked him to go and even made a passing comment as to whether I wanted to go with Steven (my ex he was always jealous of))

    He is clearly very hurt and angry about things that happened in our relationship. He was a little insecure when we were dating and I can’t help believe he is loving this newfound power he has.

    Almost every time he has seen me since the breakup I have been super emotional/crying and he’s had to console me.

    I never appreciated him and I took him for granted. I feel horrible about it and it feels like karma to lose him like this. I do not know that we would work out, but the pain of losing him completely is killing me.

    He doesn’t even seem to be dealing with his feelings. Like he barely communicates, he just dismisses that there is anything to feel to begin with.

    It’s very difficult to go into NC because of our work. I don’t know what to do and I feel like I have no control over anything.

    What do I do? (Besides just move on and forget about him.)

    Thanks Chris, your advice would be greatly, greatly appreciated.

    1. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 10:24 am

      Hmm…..

      He is giving you all these mixed signals isn’t he. He is doing stuff a good bf should do but you two aren’t dating anymore. Maybe his just a nice guy like that?

      If you can’t do NC then you need to do MC (minimal contact.)

  19. Joseph G.

    July 10, 2013 at 11:53 pm

    Yea, jealousy can definitely help. I remember my girlfriend broke it off with me a couple of years ago, so I was able to fairly quickly get a new girlfriend. I was trying to make her jealous, but as revenge. Not to get her back. After that, I thought she would never stop trying to get back with me. Jealousy can do it.

    1. admin

      admin

      July 11, 2013 at 1:29 am

      Jealousy is definitely an effective tactic, unfortunately, most people use it for the wrong reasons.

  20. Joseph G.

    March 30, 2018 at 5:10 am

    Yea, jealousy can definitely help. I remember my girlfriend broke it off with me a couple of years ago, so I was able to fairly quickly get a new girlfriend. I was trying to make her jealous, but as revenge. Not to get her back. After that, I thought she would never stop trying to get back with me. Jealousy can do it.

    1. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 7:32 am

      Jealousy is definitely an effective tactic, unfortunately, most people use it for the wrong reasons.

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