Want to make your ex jealous?
Then you’re in the right place.
Because today I’m going to show you the most effective ways to make your ex jealous so that they are drawn to you after a breakup.
The methods I am about to unveil to you were chosen based on data from our success stories.
- Utilize A No Contact Rule
- Employ The Holy Trinity On Social Media
- Send Your Ex A “Sub” Text
- Torture Your Ex With Success
- Use Subtle Jealousy Pictures
- Compare Your Ex To Someone Else (running example)
- Become Less Available
- Look Better Than You Did During The Relationship
- Have A Really Close Guy Friend
- Compliment Someone Else In Front Of Your Ex
- Go On Dates With Someone New
- Outgrow Your Ex
Let’s get after it!
Way #1: Utilize A No Contact Rule
If you haven’t heard about the no contact rule then you’re a bit out of the loop.
It is without a doubt the most popular strategy employed by most people to get their exes back.
Here’s a quick overview,
What’s often overlooked with the no contact rule is how it can actually make your ex jealous.
What you’ll learn about our approach to jealousy as you go through our program is the fact that we are a believer in non-forceful jealousy.
Too often we see people who are trying to make their exes jealous by literally trying to be too obvious about it.
The no contact rule triggers a concept called psychological reactance which basically states that human beings have certain behavioral freedoms and when those freedoms become threatened or taken away they’ll react in a way to get that freedom back.
By employing the no contact rule you actually trigger this psychological reactance concept.
But how does jealousy fit in?
Well, often what we find happens with exes who have had the no contact used on them is that if you suddenly stop talking to them via the no contact rule they begin to obsess about who else you’re talking to.
This is perhaps the most powerful part of the non-forceful jealousy approach.
You give your ex enough of a narrative by simply not responding that they begin to think you’ve moved on to someone else.
Way #2: Employ The Holy Trinity On Social Media
The holy trinity might simply be one of the most powerful concepts we’ve ever come up with on Ex Boyfriend Recovery.
Essentially by dividing your life into three categories,
Here’s a quick PDF on our concept of “The Holy Trinity” after a breakup.
You give your life discipline and fulfillment after a breakup. I find it particularly useful when explaining to people what they should be posting on social media.
Always something from your holy trinity.
Health Based Social Media Posts:
- Your stats on a run
- A picture of you working out
- Doing a fun-run or marathon
Wealth Based Social Media Posts:
- A picture of you actually working
- Cutting up with friends at work
- Awesome work achievements
Relationships Based Social Media Posts:
- A picture of you out with friends doing something fun
- Pictures of family
- You get the idea
You want to show your ex that you’ve conquered your life after a breakup and this is the best way to do that without being too in your exes face about it.
You see, after a breakup your ex creates this certain narrative about you.
She’s obsessed with me
She’s probably thinking non-stop about me
She’s probably doing horrible after a breakup
In an odd way this is a bit of projection.
The mere fact that they are thinking these things about you kind of proves they aren’t quite over the breakup themselves.
Ultimately that comparison will come where they compare how they are doing after the breakup to how you are doing after the breakup and if all they see are social media posts of you basically owning your life they’ll get a little jealous.
People often think that jealousy can only be used by making an ex think you’ve moved on from them to someone else but it can also occur if they see you are doing better than they are after a breakup.
Way #3: Sending Your Ex A “Sub” Text
Usually the only time you hear someone talk about subtext it’s in relation to writing and stories.
I’ve always defined subtext as a hidden meaning in an innocuous statement.
For example, if you ask your significant other if they’re doing ok and they reply, “I’m fine…” with a bit of an annoyed voice are they really fine?
Well, you can tell from the annoyed voice that they are not.
This is subtext.
It’s all about understanding the hidden meaning behind what someone is saying or not saying.
This brings us to our jealousy tactic.
Direct jealousy is very straightforward.
This is where we are talking directly to our exes and say something that will ultimately make them jealous.
Now, this is where I tend to have some philosophical differences than my peers.
I am a big believer that less is more.
Some of my peers will have you believe that if you send a text or snap like this,
That, that is the best way to create jealousy with your ex.
I actually think that’s the dumbest way that you can use direct jealousy.
I think the better approach is to lead your ex in the direction you want them to go but don’t actually show them what’s at the end.
You do this by employing a bit of “sub” text.
I don’t think we give exes enough credit to read between the lines but believe me when I say that they can and will read between the lines.
Here is an example of a way you can do that,
Notice how you don’t specify the gender of that friend and how the movie needs to be romantic by nature.
The are the bread crumbs that will eventually lead your ex down the following path,
Do you see how such a simple text message with subtext, if properly constructed, can lead your ex down a path where they start thinking thoughts that are consistent with someone being jealous.
I learned a long time ago that if you force someone to think a certain way it’ll backfire. It’s a lot more powerful if they come to conclusions on their own.
The same is true with jealousy.
If you can lead your ex down the path and have them come to their own conclusions it is way more powerful than forcing them to feel a certain way.
Way #4: Torture Your Ex With Success
Now, I don’t mean literally torture your ex with your successes.
Don’t be in your face about it.
Internet personality, ultra-marathoner, former Navy Seal David Goggins perhaps has the best approach to torturing people with success.
This was a story told by Jesse Itzler, the owner of the Atlanta Hawks, about David Goggins that perfectly encapsulates torturing people with your success.
So, Jesse signs up to do a one day 100 mile run.
Essentially the race occurs at this one mile track and you go with a team to run the entire day.
You run a mile and then tag your team member and they run a mile and tag the next team member so on and so forth.
Itzler begins running with his team and looks over and sees this guy who is just running by himself without a team.
At first he thinks it’s a joke because who would be crazy enough to run 100 miles by themselves?
Well, David Goggins apparently is.
Pretty soon everyone at the race is fascinated by this guy who had the audacity to run by himself without a team.
So, Goggins gets to about mile 70 and is hurting and has to sit down. Itzler thinks, “Ok, he quit. I knew he couldn’t finish the race.”
Goggins then gets back up and finishes the next 30 miles.
Itzler later finds out that by mile 70 when David Goggins “sat down” it turned out that he was going into kidney failure and had begun peeing blood. Goggins had also broken the bones in his feet and despite that had gotten back up and finished out the 100 miles.
The whole thing inspired Itzler so much that he tracked David Goggins down and asked him to train with him for a month.
Now, I tell you this story not only because I think it’s without a doubt one of the most inspiring and crazy things I have ever heard but because in my opinion this is the best way to make your ex jealous with your success.
Rather than telling them how awesome you are.
And the coolest part is that often times the best way to torture your ex with your successes is to not even show them it’s actually to show their friends.
How effective would it be if instead of telling your ex how awesome your life has been without them and how successful you’ve been if instead you SHOWED your exes friends and they told your ex.
Way #5: Use Subtle Jealousy Pictures
The key to using subtle jealousy pictures is to lead your ex in the direction you want them to go but don’t actually show them what’s at the end.
I’ll give you an example.
A few years ago I was on the phone with a coaching client and she was telling me an interesting story of a picture she posted on Facebook.
Apparently she had gone out to eat with one of her guy friends and took a picture of what they were eating.
It just so happened that she took the picture in a way that included her friends arm at the top of the picture.
Anyways, she posted the picture to Facebook and then a few hours later got this text from her ex,
Her ex is clearly jealous, right?
Here’s the best part. When I shared this story with my private support group the “arm picture” was born and spread like wildfire,
This is a perfect example of how subtle jealousy should be used.
It’s also as indirect as you can get,
Way #6: Compare Your Ex To Someone Else Indirectly
Since running is already top of mind based on the David Goggins story I told above let’s use that to illustrate this type of jealousy.
Let’s pretend that your ex is an avid runner.
He has competed in marathons and is in incredible shape.
Let’s also pretend that the two of you are out for lunch in an outdoor eating area.
So, as you are enjoying your food you notice a David Goggins like character running by. The guy is in good shape and you mention to your ex,
“Wow, that guy is really fast.”
Harmless comment, right?
There’s a hidden subtext there your ex might potentially trigger.
What about me?
Aren’t I fast?
Why hasn’t she ever complimented me like that?
By essentially taking a trait that your ex is incredibly proud of, his running ability, and not admiring it in him but in someone else you make them seek your validation.
All of a sudden he wants to get complimented by you on his running ability.
He grows jealous of this random stranger that ran by simply because you complimented them and not him.
In this example we are using running but you can do this a million different ways it really just depends what qualities your ex is proud of.
Way #7: Become Less Available
Most people make the mistake of believing that simply doing a no contact rule in and of itself will accomplish this but they’d be wrong.
Becoming less available isn’t about ignoring your ex. It’s about showing them that you live such a full life without them that you may not have time for them.
How do you accomplish this?
Imagine for a moment that you and your ex are having an incredible conversation on the phone and you don’t want it to end.
The normal thing to do would be to stay on the phone and close out the conversation. Yet if you do that you run the risk of having the conversation grow stagnant.
I’ve literally been in this boat before when I met my wife and we began talking.
We’d be on the phone for hours and I’d just think to myself that I didn’t want the conversation to end and so I’d stay in the conversation but inevitably you run out of things to talk about.
Maybe not at first but eventually it will happen no matter how much you find the other person fascinating and what occurs is this delicate dance of two people trying to keep a conversation alive when they’ve run out of ammunition.
Don’t be like me.
Become less available with your ex.
If you find yourself in a conversation that you’re enjoying and don’t want to end do the uncommon thing and end it prematurely.
You still want to put forth some effort to make it enjoyable but show some discipline and leave your ex wanting more.
Become less available.
This concept can be distilled down into all the other areas of conversation as well.
Leave dates a bit early.
End enjoyable text exchanges first.
Make it seem like you’re always doing something.
If your ex asks you out on a date accept it but not on the day they want. Make them jump through a hoop to see exactly how much they want to see you.
By consistently seeming less available it can have the added benefit of triggering jealousy within your ex as they wonder why they aren’t your first priority anymore.
Way #8: Look Better Than You Did During The Relationship
Like all good things our societies shift towards being more politically correct has been a great but it’s also been laced with an alarming trend.
At what point do we use a politically correct statement to mask the truth?
I promised myself when I started Ex Boyfriend Recovery that I would not lie to you.
I would be honest even if the truth was something you didn’t want to hear.
So, here’s that truth.
Looks matter to men.
That may not be the politically correct thing to say and my research has indicated that men may not be as “looks oriented” as I originally thought but they still play an important role.
To sweep that under the rug would be doing a disservice to you.
I’ll never forget that when I wrote my “Ungettable” post I wrote a section, very harshly, about how looks mattered to men and people really crushed me for it.
“This is fat shaming…”
“You should feel comfortable with the way you are…”
I fear that those people missed the entire point of what I was trying to do.
If you don’t feel confident with the way you look. If you look in the mirror and you try not to actively “see yourself” because you’re scared of what you’ll think then I have news for you. What you have isn’t a “looks problem” it’s a confidence problem and that’s where your energy should be spent.
But we’re getting off topic.
“Looking good” doesn’t always have to mean losing weight. In some cases it could be showing off a new haircut.
A new set of clothes.
Maybe you got contacts and you want to show those off.
The point is that sometimes the best way to illicit jealous is to go all out without your ex so that they think to themselves,
“Wait why didn’t she do those things with me?”
He’ll then worry you’re trying to impress someone else and grow completely insecure.
Way #9: Have A Really Close Guy Friend
Time for super accountability on my end.
One of my very first girlfriends was for the most part respectful in the relationship and yet I allowed my insecurities to plague the relationship.
It seemed I was getting jealous of her all the time.
It all stemmed from prior knowledge I had before agreeing to the relationship.
She had this guy friend that she had a MASSIVE crush on.
I knew this because before we dated she had told me.
So, as the months go by and I finally won her this was in the back of my head.
“I need to watch her around this guy.”
Because the last thing I wanted was the despair of being cheated on.
And so constantly I allowed this insecurity to lead to jealousy any time I saw her talking to this guy.
I shouldn’t have cared.
I should have been cool about it and just proven to her I was so much better through action yet all I did was alienate her with fights.
Without a doubt one of the best ways to make an ex jealous is to have really close guy friends.
Take pictures with them.
Have fun with them.
BUT DO NOT BECOME ROMANTIC WITH THEM!
Doing so may push your ex away forever.
Way #10: Compliment Someone Else In Front Of Your Ex
This is similar to the comparison “way” I mentioned above except in this case you’re actively complimenting someone else which in turn makes your ex jealous.
With this one you’re going to be limited to pretty much in person meet ups with groups.
I suppose a case can be made for group chats but I’ve only really seen this become effective in group meet ups.
The key to this is the type of compliment you level at whoever you give the compliment to.
You don’t want to compliment this person on their looks but what they are wearing, what they do or even acting incredibly interested in their life usually is enough to create jealousy within an ex.
“Why isn’t she giving all of her attention to me?”
“Why doesn’t she ever mention my shoes.”
I do think that women have a tendency to overdo this and spend too much time complimenting this other person.
Your goal isn’t to spend an entire conversation complimenting this other person.
You just simply level one compliment and then turn your attention back to your ex.
That’s usually enough to create jealousy.
Way #11: Go On Dates With Someone New
Here we enter the most obvious way of creating jealousy.
By going on dates with someone new your ex is bound to get jealous.
The funny part is that through studying success stories we are noticing that our most successful clients tend to swallow their pride and go on dates with someone else.
They don’t have to fall in love but they do have to do enough to show their ex that they won’t be waiting around forever.
I think most women who come through our program are terrified that their ex is going to hold this against them.
Your ex isn’t in charge of your life, you are. Don’t live your life by your exes rules when you aren’t even in a relationship with them.
Now, it’s important to mention you aren’t supposed to throw this person in their face.
In fact, quite the opposite.
I want you to to take that subtle jealousy picture but don’t go too much farther than that.
Way #12: Outgrow Your Ex
Without a doubt the no contact rule is the most popular get your ex back strategy almost all experts agree on.
Yet I find that most people completely miss the point of no contact.
It’s about outgrowing your ex.
Getting to this place emotionally where you are kind of over them.
A few days ago in our Private Facebook Support Group for my clients someone mentioned that they thought our program was trying to teach them to forget about their ex.
Coach Anna I thought had the best response,
That statement is correct from a time-limited, “I lack something,” emotionally out of control, and short-sighted perspective.
That statement is incorrect from a bigger, “I am everything,” emotionally stable, and strategic perspective.
Those aside, Science — which this program is based on — says that you and your ex won’t forget each other. So, if Science is working against you forgetting each other, how can any program do that?
Yet I’d add on to it.
I don’t think the program is trying to get you to forget about your ex at least that wasn’t the intention.
The program is designed to teach you that your ex is not supposed to be your first priority.
The only way to do this is to actually show you that your ex isn’t supposed to be the most important thing in your life.
Don’t get me wrong.
Relationships are important but they won’t comprise your whole life. I think we lose that perspective.
I always like to say to my clients that they should be trying to outgrow an ex which is just a fancy way of saying that they need to find other things in their life that they are just as passionate about.
Our exes all want to be the center of our world and the second you show them that they aren’t they get a little jealous and work to make it so they are.
Always remember that.