Hi Guys!

My name is Amor!

Some of you may have communicated with me directly via the comments section of this website,

 

Screen Shot 2016-05-24 at 5.13.55 PM

Yep, that’s me!

I respond to many of Chris’ comments and have been with The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Team since the start of this year. About a week ago Chris asked me if I would be interested in writing an article for Ex Boyfriend Recovery. He told me that he wanted someone who could bring a different perspective and since I have such great experience in communicating with you guys on a daily basis he felt that I was the perfect person for the job.

The truth is, is that I have been doing this since I was in high school, I pretty much became the “go to” girl among friends when they would have relationship issues. And when you add that to the fact that I have advised thousands of the women here and have learned directly from Chris I felt that this was an opportunity I couldn’t pass up on.

So, here I am writing away!

One of the things that I have been noticing lately through interacting with the women in the comments section of this website is that they don’t often have a good grasp of when things with their ex boyfriends are getting better.

They don’t have a full understanding on how to tell if they are close to getting their ex back.

So I thought to myself,

“What a perfect thing to write about.”

Honestly it’s not hard to understand why you are having so much trouble figuring that out.

Sometimes it’s because you are so afraid to get hurt again that you don’t notice the little signs that are screaming at you that things are going well!

To help you, I have put together the six ways to know if you are close to getting your ex boyfriend back.

As Chris would say,

“Are you ready to get this party started?

You Have Utilized Our Strategies And Seen Positive Progress

epic progress

If you aren’t aware of what “our strategy” is here on Ex Boyfriend Recovery I would recommend that you check out Chris’ book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.

In addition, he has also put together some gigantic articles outlining what you need to do to get your ex back.

So, how does this tie in to what I am talking about?

Well, if you were to go through and read through his book, his articles and you were to implement the strategy that we preach and see positive progress from it then it might be a sign that you are turning the corner and close to getting your ex back.

Hmm…

Perhaps I should be more specific.

If you see the following positive things begin to happen with your strategy it’s a very good thing.

Positive Thing #1: You Make It Through The No Contact Rule

If you started the no contact rule immediately after the break up then kudos to you!

Most of the time I see people beg, “GNAT” or do everything they can to get their exes back before attempting the no contact rule because they don’t know that there’s an actual process to recovering an ex boyfriend..

Now, if you did end up doing those types of things (begging, gnatting, etc) don’t let it get you down. You still have a very good chance at getting your ex back. In fact, I would say that the vast majority of the people I communicate with via the comments section of this website are attempting the no contact rule after begging for their exes back.

My recommendation is to start the no contact rule now.

The sooner you can start the better.

And in case you haven’t read some of the more insightful articles that Chris has posted on no contact here is a quick crash course into what it is,

My Definition Of No Contact: It means no texts, calls, emails, private messaging, liking his posts, asking a friend to contact him, talking to each other through a group chat or communicating through a relative. Oh, and no wishing him a happy birthday too. Generally the no contact rule can last anywhere from 21 days to 45 days though it really depends on your situation.

Here’s something I bet you didn’t know. When you start your no contact period, it’s not abnormal to see him text you after the first day of freezing him out or after the first positive post you make on Facebook.

For example, he’ll ask,

Screen Shot 2016-05-24 at 5.04.31 PM

Screen Shot 2016-05-24 at 5.05.27 PM

Or my personal favorite,

Screen Shot 2016-05-24 at 5.06.43 PM

And sometimes you’ll be lucky enough to get this response on Facebook after changing your profile picture,

Screen Shot 2016-05-24 at 5.08.57 PM

And then you have those times where he will message you with something like,

Screen Shot 2016-05-24 at 5.10.01 PM

Okay, at first glance it may seem that he’s happy that you are moving on, but still… it’s a reaction. Sometimes an ex boyfriend will mask the hurt that they are going through, through this kind of a message because they think you will reply to it.

So, be optimistic since it’s better than not getting any reaction at all.

Positive Thing #2: You Had A Make Over

(I feel it’s important to mention that Chris’ book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO does an excellent job of taking everything I am about to say a step further. Anyways, let’s begin this section.)

Would you like to know what one of the most significant signs is for when that a girl is moving on from a break up?

(Hint Hint: A Make Over!)

Makeovers can include things like,

  • Getting a haircut
  • Getting your nails done
  • Waxing (legs, under arms, “down below”)
  • Getting a new wardrobe
  • Improving your complexion
  • Losing some weight

And yes, you want him to think that you are moving on because he has to think you’ve completely stopped chasing him. And sometimes the best way to do that is to have the make over you rightly deserve!

Don’t believe that this works?

I would like you to turn your attention to episode 3 of “The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast.”

Natalie, who was featured on this episode basically had moved on from her ex and just when things were going great for her is when her ex came back into the picture. Now, I will leave it up to Chris to explain why he came back into the picture but I will say that I have consistently seen women move on from an ex only to have their boyfriends go crazy trying to get them back.

You want to have this type of a mindset:

mindset

Positive Thing #3: You Start Doing Things That Will Let You Grow

It’s not just the physical aspect that’s important.

You have to do new activities or do things that will enhance your skills and confidence too.

  • Join a class
  • Read a book
  • Learn a new language
  • Go out with old friends
  • Make new ones
  • Take a trip to the beach
  • Don’t be afraid to step outside of your comfort zone

A lot of people forget what Chris teaches with regards to health, wealth and relationships in his book. You want to live a very balanced lifestyle. Of course, the concept isn’t hard to grasp. It’s really the implementation of the concept where I see people failing in the comments.

But let’s say that you ended up doing all of those things. You are probably going to notice that your ex has been liking more of your posts on Facebook or getting in touch with your friends and relatives to ask about you.

But women become so focused on the end result that they forget what leads them there.

There Has Been An Increase In The Frequency Of Text Messages And Phone Calls You Have Been Receiving From Him

Man… that was a mouthful.

Most of the people who come to our website end up worrying about their exes not contacting them at all during no contact.

Well, I would like to focus on what it means when the opposite happens.

What if you use the no contact rule and he ends up contacting you a lot?

Well, if you experience this phenomenon then it means what you are doing is definitely working as Chris stated in his book, The No Contact Rule Book, if you receive at least 7 messages in a day from him begging for you to come back, you can break the no contact rule.

[UPDATE] As it turns out Chris just came out with 7 new rules on what has to occur for you to break the no contact rule outside of the acceptable reasons (kids, exchanging items, work, etc.)

The rules are:

  1. Taking The Length Of The Relationship Into Account
  2. Determining How Long You Have Been In The No Contact Rule
  3. If This Was Your First Breakup
  4. Where You Are In Your Personal Recovery
  5. What Ended Up Causing The Breakup
  6. Who Initiated The Breakup
  7. (The Golden Factor)

If you want to learn how these rules work and what the golden factor is I suggest you check out Chris’ best selling book, The No Contact Rule Book.

But I digress…

Some of the other things you need to look out for is if your ex boyfriend doesn’t go “overboard” during the no contact rule but he still ends up texting you quite a bit.

For example, let’s say that he texts you on average about once a week and then eventually he starts calling you. When that doesn’t work (because you are ingoring him via the no contact rule) he decides to call your friends to ask your whereabouts.

Is this a good sign?

DUHH! It’s a very good sign girl!

Just keep going strong and don’t reply. And don’t answer questions from your friends or relatives that seem like they are from him.

For example, if your best friend starts asking you something like,

Screen Shot 2016-05-25 at 5.09.23 PM

When they never have asked you anything remotely close to that before you can bet that, that question is really coming from your ex.

What About An Increase In Frequency During The Texting Phase?

(I have an admission to make… A lot of what I talk about in this article I ended up summarizing from Chris’ book on texting. Check it out if you haven’t already.)

What I would like to do now is introduce you to two different types of men that I see a lot when advising women in the comments.

It’s important to remember that I am only talking about “texting” here with these types of men.

  1. The Excited Ex
  2. The “Needs A Little Push” Ex

Let’s start with “the excited ex,”

What Is The Excited Ex

He’s a dream come true… that’s what he is!

You sent your first contact text and he responded positively. I know every girl hopes for this outcome. And if you’re experiencing it, don’t take it for granted by being rude or not taking the opportunity to end the conversation on a high note.

Because his excited demeanor will probably only last for a few days before he gets bored or comes back down to earth.

I am not trying to sound morbid I am just trying to be realistic about this.

It’s important to remember that you ignored your ex for quite a while during the no contact rule and reaching out for the first time probably excites him.

Oh, and how could I forget Chris’ favorite principle of always leaving a man wanting more by not giving it all to him at once.

Don’t spoil him.

After you end the first contact text message let’s say that he still texts you later on, updating you on what he’s been doing or asking you what you’ve been doing. Bear in mind that only an hour or two has passed since you last spoke to him.

Is this a good sign?

Of course! It’s an amazing sign. And one that you should keep an eye out for.

I do feel it’s important to mention that you can’t expect this type of behavior from your ex 24/7.

Why not?

Well, his excitement will most likely die down and go back to normal as the days go by. He will probably end up noticing your pattern and start to text you during the times where you are more likely to reply to him but compared to how you were before the break up, he still ends up texting you more.

The “Needs A Little Push” Ex

Sorry I can’t think of anything else to call this…

But this one is actually more realistic.

Here’s how this works,

Your ex responded positively to the first contact text message but he doesn’t seem that excited to be talking to you. He doesn’t initiate any texts but he does engage with you when you text him.

It’s also important to note that he’s not angry or avoiding you.

He responds happily as you successfully get him interested again. After some time he starts to let his guard down and starts to be more engaging in texts. It gets easier to reach the high point when you talk and eventually, after some time, he opens up about other topics during conversations.

This outcome wouldn’t have been possible without a little push from you. That’s why he’s considered the “needs a little push” ex.

The Communication You Have Had With Each Other Has Largely Been Positive

positive panda

In Chris’ latest book, the no contact rule book, he talks about “the golden factor.”

The Golden Factor = Receiving positive communication from an ex.

Here’s how this works!

Whenever the two of you talk, he looks at what happened at a different light now.

Sometimes he even goes as far as explaining what mistakes he made in the relationships. This is a big deal for a man.

Why?

Because men generally are very stubborn so for him to admit fault is a positive sign.

You’ll also notice that he opens up about the positive things that have been happening in his life and talk about how he wants to share the upcoming ones with you.

Stop me if you have seen this type of a text already,

Screen Shot 2016-05-26 at 12.53.11 PM

When enough rapport has been build and he feels fully comfortable around you he will start to agree with the happy memories that Chris advises you to mention. Heck, he may even bring up other ones all by himself.

Oh, here is something I bet you didn’t know. I don’t even think Chris has talked about this. Does your ex also mention places or activities that are fun? It might be a hint that he would like to do those things with you.

He Has Jumped Through Multiple Hoops For You

 

When I began writing this article I was actually very confused as to what I was going to write for this section. However, after brainstorming with Chris I think I came up with something clever to talk about.

Screen Shot 2016-05-26 at 12.58.21 PM

You should be giving your ex boyfriend tests along the way to test how serious he is about you. As you can see above, I struggled coming up with the tests but eventually I settled on,

  1. Changing Up Your Response Time
  2. Rescheduling A Date
  3. Asking For Small Favors
  4. Going On A Group Date That Has Other Men
  5. Inviting Him Over For Family Gatherings

But I will talk about these tests in a second. For now, I want to talk about why it’s important to make him jump through hoops for you.

Let’s pretend there are two women who are reaching out to their exes during the texting phase and both of them have gotten positive responses with their text messages.

Both of them are excited!

And both of them properly did the no contact rule.

But which of these women is more likely to succeed in getting their exes back?

It’s the woman who knows how to take it slow.

The woman who knows that patience is a virtue and that her ex needs to prove himself first before she jumps right back in a relationship with him.

One of the common questions that I see a lot in the comments section is:

“Do I tell him that I’m going to change for good? That I’m not going to chase him anymore?”

No, you don’t!

That in itself shows you’re chasing.

Instead, you should give him a few of the following tests and see how he reacts to it. Flip the script. Don’t make this about you. Make it about him.

Now, that you’ve started to build rapport with your ex, you should not let him think you’re still the same as before or that you will go back to being the same as before but you should test if he has changed.

Changing Up Your Response Time

When you start to text again make sure that you change up the times that you frequently reply.

If you always text him in the morning during the first three days. Try to ignore him on the fourth morning and instead text him at night.

Reschedule Dates

Let’s say that your ex asks you on a date. Instead of accepting immediately try to say,

“I”m super busy can we try another day?”

Or try to reschedule just one date when it’s set. Don’t do this too many times or you’ll appear rude.

Do it at least days before your set date.

Ask For Small Favors

Try to remember something that he’s really good at and ask a favor about that. It’s one way of building attraction too because men love feeling like they are needed by women.

Going On A Group Date (That Has Other Men)

You can kill two birds with one stone here!

Let’s see if he gets jealous and how he acts around you with other guys.

And if he agrees to go on a group date with your friends that’s a good sign that he wants to get close with them again too or that he’s not shy about you two being together again in a public place.

Inviting him over family gatherings

This is a big factor because it’s hard to go over to a family gathering.

Why?

There’s actually quite a bit of pressure facing family members after a breakup.

If he goes, it would be really courageous of him.

If he doesn’t, it’s not the end of the world, maybe he’s just not ready yet but that doesn’t mean he won’t be later on.

You Have Advanced To The “Romantic Date”

modern romance

(I would feel bad if I didn’t mention that Chris created a “mock campaign” in his book where he talked in-depth about the three date theory that I talked about below. So, if you want to learn more about this theory I recommend clicking the link I just created.)

If you have advanced to the dating stage of our process then kudos to you! But it’s not victory yet so make sure you don’t let it go to your head. It’s important to keep the three date theory in mind when you get to this stage.

What is the three date theory?

Basically, you have to start out slow first and eventually increase the intensity of the dates. In other words, each date you go on slowly ups the ante. Chris recently talked about this with his new rules for going on a date with an ex. For example, the first date is not a romantic date and not a chance for you to voice out how much you really want him back in your life. No, that comes with the third and final date.

So, you follow these:

  1. Small date
  2. Medium date
  3. Romantic date

THE SMALL DATE

This will be like your “catch up and get him to really attracted to you physically” meet up.

So, that means you have to look your best.

It’s ok to be sexy but not too sexy!

(If you need ideas for what to wear check out this video out from Jennifer, Chris’ wife.)

And it has to be short. He shouldn’t feel pressured when you’re together. So, the best way to do that is to keep the meet up short and jam packed with fun and laughter.

It has to be memorable.

But here’s the underlying goal with this date. You have to do enough to make him want to see you again.

My Experience With Small Dates:

 

You may not know this about me but I actually have had a lot of experience with small dates when I was younger. Though at the time I had no idea that “the small date” is really what makes a man more interested in you..

 

Anyways, when I was younger, there was this one guy who kept insisting that we “go out” but at that time I was not allowed to have boyfriends (my parents were very protective.)

 

I kept saying “no” to him but he kept finding these clever little ways to talk to me.

He had different strategies to get a “date” with me. His core strategy revolved around going on small dates because the only free time I had occurred during these small breaks throughout my day.

 

The break specifically was 15 minutes in between classes. In addition, I would sometimes study alone in a classroom or in the library and he would pop in there and we’d talk.Β  Eventually I figured out what he was doing so I started to bring friends with me. I wanted to make things a little more challenging for him.

 

And then after school I would have to walk home. When he learned this he started to walk me home.

 

But during those short times that we had together, we were laughing and having fun.

 

He then “leveled up” by buying snacks for the both of us, like ice cream or hotdog sandwiches after school. So, when he would meet me at the school gate, I was forced to stop and eat with him..

Hahaha… Looking back it’s really funny.

 

In fact, when I finally broke down and went on a date with him I wanted to keep it casual. I figured we would go to a movie and bring a few friends along.

 

But I think my mom and my sister sensed I was up to something so they went with me (remember I wasn’t allowed to have a boyfriend at that time.) Hahaha! When I found that out I quickly canceled the date but I worked an angle to where I would get my mom and sister busy shopping in the mall where the movie theater was and I would “slip out” and meet up with him.

 

And so I did! (Yeah, naughty me!)

Here is the point of me telling you that story.

Small dates can come in all shapes and sizes.

BUT in the end all that matters is that your ex boyfriend is having fun with you.

Why?

Because the more he has fun with you the better your chances are of getting another date with him.

Examples Of Small Dates:

  • Short drink at the bar
  • Coffee
  • Your walk home πŸ™‚
  • Lunch date during a work day

THE MEDIUM DATE

This is NOT a romantic date yet. That’s the one big takeaway that I want you to get from this section. In fact, it’s better if you do these types of dates with friends. Generally this date is going to be longer but it’s not the proper time or place for where you should bring up your hardcore feelings or any relationship stuff.

The key, much like it was with the small date, is to have fun and attract him.

In my opinion,Β  this date is actually easier because you will make it seem like a “hang out” with other friends. This makes it non threatening and that there should be less pressure for him.

The Hormonal Cocktail Of Attraction

According to science attraction is actually triggered by three neurotransmitters: adrenaline, dopamine and serotonin.

(Learn more from this BBC web post)

Adrenaline:

Technically speaking adrenaline can make us superhumans when we’re in stressful situations (like when you suddenly lift a big appliances all by yourself when there is fire)
or when you feel your heart pumping fast and you want to ride the roller coaster over and over again or whatever Jason Statham feels in his movies!

Dopamine:

This is the chemical that’s responsible when you feel pleasure.

When Mrs. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist, examined a newly lovestruck couple, she found very high levels of this.

Serotonin:

This one is easy to explain.

It’s basically the “high” when you’re falling in love.

So, for you to trigger these chemicals in your brain you have to do activities that are thrilling, action packed and sometimes a little scary.

Let me expand on that scary comment…

You don’t want to take your ex on a date that is scary to the point where he’ll be traumatized.

There is something that immediately jumps to mind when I think of a date that is both thrilling AND a bit scary.

Yup, you guessed it!

Theme parks!

Here are a few other examples of great “medium dates” that are thrilling, action packed and a little scary,

  • Going On A Scavenger Hunt
  • Going Paintballing
  • Blindfold Eating!- set up different kinds of new foods or go to a restaurant that serves exotic dishes or authentic dishes from different countries and have one game master to serve the food or ask the waiters of the restaurant to cover the foods once served.
    Warning: You have to be careful with allergies though. So, the game master must know that first.
  • Try 4D movies! If you have this in your place you should try it! The seats have generators that stimulates jolts, pokes, tilts, and timed wind and mist sprayers. It’s actually very funny! Sometimes they include 3d glasses if the movie is 3d as well but actually it’s better if it’s not because it’s dizzying.
  • Virtual reality devices- Play games that are integrated with this one and the whole group will have a blast!

And don’t forget, end the date on a high note. Leave before it gets boring πŸ˜‰

THE ROMANTIC DATE

If you reached this date, then it’s definitely a sign that he’s starting to become attracted to you or in your case “reattracted.”Β  Now, this time it’s just the two of you.Β  But you still don’t talk about your previous relationship and anything negative. You’re not in the finish line yet, you’re still building up attraction.

TIP: Look your best but continue to spark attraction by being just a little sexy. Leave room for his imagination. Don’t just rely on your cleavage entirely.(excuse the term ladies!) In fact, sometimes it’s better if he’s not distracted because your boobs are about to fall out of your dress.

The truth is that I hate boring dates.

My boyfriend knows this by heart!

For me, just a dinner out is not actually a date it’s just something that you do after a date.Β  OR there is something in that restaurant that is fun, exciting, or intriguing. That “something” is what makes it fun.

Maybe then I would consider it to be a date.

Anyways, let me give you an example of a way of turning a seemingly boring date into something fun and exciting.

My favorite movie: 50 first dates!

 

I’m not going to point out how Adam Sandler made every date memorable because of the obvious reason (SPOILER ALERT) that Drew Barrymore forgets him everyday !

 

But what Drew was actually doing when Adam first noticed her in the diner. She was making houses with waffles. And he used that to connect with her, time and time again.

 

Although his next few attempts of stacking waffles was a failure, it was something the Drew repeatedly did because she found it fun! I know it’s corny but it’s just an example of making a “boring” dine out more memorable.

 

Another thing me and boyfriend do during traffic is make fun of the cars!

 

We imagine how the front face of the cars are actually their faces, sometimes we relate to the driver’s face if we can see it and we make dialogues that suits the car face and imagine it talking to other cars!

 

Just let your inner child out. You don’t have to be super corny, but try doing it once in a while if things get boring to break the ice.

He Still Wants To See You After The “Romantic Date”

dance

The best sign that you are close to getting your ex back is if he starts making plans to go on another date with you while you are on your current date.

Some common examples I have seen of this lately is for him to ask,

“What’s the best time for you next week”

Or

He starts listing off the available times that he isn’t busy in the coming days?

Those are all really good signs.

But that’s all very straightforward. Here’s something I bet you didn’t know. Sometimes it doesn’t have to be another date.

For example, If he says he will come by your work, hang out with your friends again or drop by your place after a romantic date that’s still a really good sign.

Here’s the truth though that most of the people out there don’t want you to know. More than likely it will take more than one romantic date to get back together.

In other words, you will have to repeat the process over again.

Chris talked about this in his articles about what to do on a date with your ex.

I can’t tell you how many times I have seen women obsess about when the next date is going to be. Don’t be shocked if it takes more than a week. People get busy and you may actually be able to utilize your time apart to make him miss you more.

What I would like to do now is talk about some of the behaviors that I personally believe you need to avoid after the first romantic date.

What NOT To Do After The First Romantic Date

  • After your date is over try not texting him for a whole day.
  • Don’t ask when the next date will be
  • Don’t be complacent with your life and any personal growth you may have already facilitated. If you listened to our advice with the no contact rule you probably made incredible strides. Don’t lose that momentum.

What You Need To Do After The First Date

  • Continue working towards the idea that Chris came up with revolving around “The Ungettable Girl
  • Try sprinkling in a little jealousy every now and then.
  • Put yourself first and love yourself first, it won’t be hard for other people to treat you in the same way too.

Oh, and as Dr. Seuss said, don’t forget,

“Fun is good!”

342 thoughts on “The Six Ways To Know If You Are Close To Getting Your Ex Back?”

  1. Avatar

    mary

    June 30, 2017 at 12:31 am

    hi, my bf broke up with me one month ago because he lost his trust in me because I told his friend which is also my friend something about us n his friend called him a pervert. he said we can be friends but not lovers but i refused. we didn’t talk for a few days. his friend talked to me n made some plans with me to try to win him back. so i went to his place a week later n we had fun n he kissed me n made out with me. but then he said he just want to be friends. i got hurt so i told his frined about what happened n she told to go to his place n do what i want n she also convinced me that it might be the last time i see him. so i went to his place the next day n we had fun n we kissed n had sex n did all we wanted to do because i told him that it’s the last time i’m gonna see him n that i might not be able to see him later on because we live in different cities. he dropped me home n he agreed that he won’t leave me. a day after he started to treat me cold again n told me that he can’t trust me n that his friend has been telling him everything n all the planning n every little talk, n he can’t trust me anymore. a week later he said that he realized that he doesn’t want to be with me n that i should move on n find someone else. 2 days later we started talking again as friends n now it’s been 10 days n he said that he wants to see me n hang out with me n he doesn’t hang out with his female friends, so what does that mean? n is there a chance for getting back together?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 30, 2017 at 3:59 pm

  2. Avatar

    CONFUSED

    January 31, 2017 at 4:58 am

    Hi Amor,
    i had an ex who is my office mate. we worked in the same company for about 3 years before we became lovers.. to make the story short, we broke up due to a confidential & complicated reason.. i wanted to do the no contact rule but we are office mate and we are seeing each other almost everyday because we are working on the same field. we also talk sometimes but it’s all about work related topics. he calls me every time he has a concern regarding our job.. i can say that he’s good at controlling his emotion because i don’t see any sign of pain in him, it seems nothing happened to us, he looked the usual as if we don’t have any past..
    on the other hand, i don’t want to look pitiful or emotionally shattered, so i pretend to be as usual also.. i never texted him about our past, not even reminding him how painful it was when we broke up.. but deep inside i really want us back.. what should i do?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 31, 2017 at 3:36 pm

  3. Avatar

    Wondering

    January 30, 2017 at 1:04 pm

    Hey, so I was just wondering if I’m close to getting my ex back. I did the no contact rule, the texting, advancing to phone calls, first (small) date etc. And then about a week after the first date, I met someone else. There was a physical attraction to them and I kind of wanted to see where it would go, so I did. I convinced myself that I didn’t need or want my ex anymore. I still kept in contact with him, letting him know about my new job and had fun conversations etc but I honestly thought I was over him and did not make any further attempts to meet up. I even said we should text less for a bit so we could move on. But ultimately couldn’t seem to cut him out. The new guy became unattractive to me very quickly as he wasn’t making an effort and was going through a lot of stuff. I tried to help him but it killed my attraction for him. My ex doesn’t know about this guy. I didn’t tell anyone about him. Then my ex suggested that we celebrate the start of my new job and have a drink. I said yes so he drove to my town at very short notice to see me. He kept wanting to hold my hand and when he drove me home, he kissed me. He was also reminiscing about things we’d done together. And it made me realise that all the stuff I’d buried deep about him was still there. But I’m worried that he’s lost interest after seeing me the other night. I waited for him to text me after, but when he did, I got the impression that he’s not so bothered now. I might be reading too much into it. Im not going to text him for a couple of days. It irritates me that I care again. I know if he wants me back he’ll have to do the chasing. It was after I’d said I had a nice time that he went cold yesterday. I’ve not sent any further texts. Can’t figure out if he’s testing me or not bothered.

    1. Avatar

      Wondering

      January 31, 2017 at 2:13 pm

      Ok thanks Amor. Perhaps I’m being a bit impatient. He did eventually text me. We’ve not mentioned that night again or suggested another meet up. I think he will want to meet again soon, just need to not think about it and focus on myself. It worked well before.

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 31, 2017 at 4:28 pm

      yes, just relax.. dont forget to have time for yourself too after giving time for him

    3. Avatar

      Wondering

      January 30, 2017 at 4:17 pm

      Just that he messaged me first the day after we met up. We had a fairly normal conversation and then I thanked him again for the celebratory drink. He said I was welcome with a wink emoticon. Then I said it was nice to see him. Then got nothing back. It said he’d read the message. So I’ve not sent any further messages. Makes me wonder if he’s changed his mind or if he’s seeing what I’ll do if he doesn’t reply (so far done nothing).

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 31, 2017 at 11:47 am

      actually I think that’s a positive response.. he just have nothing to say further after..you can rest from initiating a day or two after that if you want

    5. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 30, 2017 at 3:27 pm

      Hi Wondering,

      what made you worry that he might have lost interest with you after that?

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    Uncertain

    January 17, 2017 at 1:13 am

    Hi. My ex (mike) and I broke up 4 years ago; and I moved to a new city shortly thereafter and had no contact. Then after 1.5 years I received a merry Christmas message, followed by occasional texts; then finally mike sent a request to meet for coffee that was about 2 years after our breakup. He had moved to the same city I had moved to. I declined that request because I was in a relationship with somebody else. Then the messages from mike stopped. I broke up with that person in June and sent a message to mikethat I was interested in that coffee- but he was now in a different city so it did not work out; and there was no followup texting. A couple of months later he was back in my city for business and we had that coffee in November. Through the grapevine I found out he had a girlfriend, but he never mentioned it during our coffee. Then at Christmas he sent a merry Christmas message. He is not the player or cheater type; so I am thinking there is still some interest in me. I have not heard anything since. What should I do.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 17, 2017 at 4:55 pm

      Hi Uncertain,

      if he didn’t mention it, build rapport like you didn’t know it..

  5. Avatar

    samantha

    December 12, 2016 at 3:29 am

    Hi Amor,

    During the summer, i met this guy and we instantly started talking and flirting. But, i realized he was leading me on and didn’t actually want anything serious. Recently, me and this guy started talking again and he said he would love to get to know me better and become serious with me, we had a great thing going. but meanwhile of us getting closer, i was also becoming very good friends with his best friend, but just as friends though. now, This guy talks to many girls, so i cant be confident if i was being taken seriously, but with the things he said, he REALLY sounded like i was going to be the one he was going to cut off all of his other girls for. so later on, his best friend started to like me, but i was only attracted to the guy i was talking to in the first place. Soon, me and this guy’s bestfriend started to like each other… although i still really liked the other guy. Then when this guy found out that me and his bestfriend had a “thing”, he backed off of me so that his best friend could get closer with me (this decision was made after him and his best friend had a discussion on it. i’ve seen the messages between them, and this guy really seems to care about me.) me and original guy were even talking about our future, meeting parents, future dates, and future experiences we were going to share. he said to me that he really liked me and that not talking to me everyday, on the phone for 3 hours, or ever, would be really weird and uncomfortable. so after he backed off of me for his best friend, i kinda lost feelings for his best friend. and i think this was because in the back of my mind i was only ‘liking’ his best friend to get the other guy off of my mind or make him jealous/want me back fully again. So me and his best friend ended anything romantic and we started talking again but ONLY as friends. I tried to talk it out with the other guy but it was really confusing because he claimed he wanted me too but i heard he would be seeing other girls. after me and him had this conversation, a couple of days later, i posted a pic on Instagram with his best friend tagged (it was a funny picture and i tagged him because it was an inside joke between us) and then when i went on this guys account, it showed that i was blocked. This guy had told me a while back that he was the jealous type and that i shouldn’t take it the wrong way cause he’ll get over it in a matter of minutes. so keeping that in mind, i thought he was just jealous and didn’t want to see that picture or future pictures where his friend is tagged by me on his timeline so he just blocked me. i have been blocked for about a week now. after he blocked me on Instagram, i deleted his number so that i wouldn’t be tempted or able to try to contact him. so now after you know the story, i was wondering how i could get him to make him want me, if i should try to even get him back, or just leave it how it is and if he tries to talk to me, to just keep it casual as friends and as if nothing ever happened. i really want him to stay in my life more than just a friend but i seem indifferent to him after everything. The fair is coming up soon and him and i made plans to go together.. not sure if i should get his number again and text him about whether those plans are still on or what. and also what do you think was the reason he blocked me?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 14, 2016 at 4:21 pm

      Hi Samantha,

      because he’s confused with your actions. It looks like you were trying to lure them both.. If his best friend was the one that stayed away, would you lose feelings for the first guy and then chase his best friend? Whether you get him back or not, you have to stop talking with his best friend first if you really want him to think that there’s nothing going on with you and his best friend. Do you want to try he no contact rule?

  6. Avatar

    Feeling low

    November 29, 2016 at 10:17 pm

    When my ex left me and I found out he moved in with another woman straight away I was heartbroken I still am. He introduced her to my kids straight away even though I asked him not to. I tried to do LC as we have three children together. I don’t text or call him unless it’s about our children, he generally contacts me first and not always about the kids.
    Sometimes he nasty to me and says horrid things and the next he’s so very nice and like we’re still a couple I’m confused.
    I want him back and I think he knows that but he playing with my heart, he hid his relationship to start with but now she’s everywhere.
    I don’t know what to do where to go how to achieve my ultimate goal….which is for us to be a family again

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 29, 2016 at 10:22 pm

      Hi Feeling low,

      DO you want to restart the limited contact?

  7. Avatar

    Clueless

    November 26, 2016 at 3:33 am

    My ex and I broke up in August. He said he needed time and space due to a lot of stressors in his life. I gave him that, and after NC, finally contacted him a little over a month ago. He reception for the most part has been good. We have built rapport over text messages. He even introduced me to his 20 year old daughter as a friend. The confusion comes in because he only seems to want to text now, and if I don’t initiate with him after a day, he will with me. He asked me to meet up with him once, go out to dinner another time, flirty occasionally, but I just feel like things are stagnant. We can’t seem to get past texts, and I have suggested a meet up twice, to which he never replied. So I’ve concluded we can only meet on his conditions, and communicate on his terms. I’ve grown frustrated throughout and so I’ll back off, and then he throws me breadcrumbs to keep me hanging on. I don’t think he is seeing anyone else as he is very much an open book, but I don’t know what else to do, or how to interpret his signals.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 27, 2016 at 8:13 pm

      Hi Clueless,

      why not try to meet one time on his terms? If he backs out, then go out more by yourself or with other friends.

  8. Avatar

    anne

    November 22, 2016 at 3:36 am

    i posted this once yestarday but dont know where it went so posting it again..
    hi ..i have been following your advice since my breakup.surely i have got quite much positive results.thank you so much for what you do.. now to my problem..we brokeup and i directly went into no contact for 5 molnhs.i know this was too long but we had broken up twice before but got back and it had become kind of on and off relationship.so i never contacted him in anyway and i am sure he used to keep an eye on my facebook profile through mutual friends.after two months of no contact he messaged me and i didnt reply and rest three months he messaged once a month.this month,the fifth one he messaged me hi how are you.so i replied am good thank you,later he again messaged me about a small favor to which i helped him.he wanted someones contact number so i gave it and he thanked and left it there only.again next day he messaged me with a single question to which i gave a short reply.now since 5 days he only sends a single message which has question about me.and mostly i reply the same day .i keep on changing my time of reply.i never initiate contact and always reply to the point.just once i had asked about how he was and he told me he was fine.he has a lot of ego problem .when i went into no contact he also went into no contact.and now hes sending one message a day.what should i do if he continues with one message a day?now thing is i am still in the dark about does he want me back or is he just enquiring and will leave again and never come back?what should my next move be?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 24, 2016 at 10:10 am

      Hi Anne,

      even though he’s just proud, let’s just say he has moved on. So, now you have to look like you’ve moved on too and the next step is that you’re going to build rapport. So, that means you have to initiate. That’s ok. Just be friendly because you won’t be able to build a relationship with just one text a day

  9. Avatar

    anne

    November 21, 2016 at 9:35 pm

    hi ..i have been following your advice since my breakup.surely i have got quite much positive results.thank you so much for what you do.. now to my problem..we brokeup and i directly went into no contact for 5 monhs.i know this was too long but we had broken up twice before but got back and it had become kind of on and off relationship.so i never contacted him in anyway and i am sure he used to keep an eye on my facebook profile through mutual friends.after two months of no contact he messaged me and i didnt reply and rest three months he messaged once a month.this month,the fifth one he messaged me hi how are you.so i replied am good thank you,later he again messaged me about a small favor to which i helped him.he wanted someones contact number so i gave it and he thanked and left it there only.again next day he messaged me with a single question to which i gave a short reply.now since 5 days he only sends a single message which has question about me.and mostly i reply the same day .i keep on changing my time of reply.i never initiate contact and always reply to the point.just once i had asked about how he was and he told me he was fine.he has a lot of ego problem .when i went into no contact he also went into no contact.and now hes sending one message a day.what should i do if he continues with one message a day?now thing is i am still in the dark about does he want me back or is he just enquiring and will leave again and never come back?what should my next move be?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 24, 2016 at 10:17 am

      Hi Anne,

      even though he’s just proud, let’s just say he has moved on. So, now you have to look like you’ve moved on too and the next step is that you’re going to build rapport. So, that means you have to initiate. That’s ok. Just be friendly because you won’t be able to build a relationship with just one text a day

  10. Avatar

    Beachrose

    October 11, 2016 at 6:54 pm

    Hi Amor,

    Just wondering if/when you might draft a post about when to AVOID getting back with your ex. Specifically, what sort of behaviors suggest the ex has serious problems, such as chronically disrespecting you, humiliating you, using/manipulating you, controlling you, stringing you along, chronically cheating on you (or trying to); abusing you mentally or physically, substance abuse, etc.

    These sorts of guys have serious problems, and won’t likely change. We ladies should not waste any more time on them than we already did the first time around!

    Thanks !!

    1. Avatar

      Beachrose

      October 12, 2016 at 4:27 am

      Hi Amor πŸ™‚

      I think this may already be here (7 types of guys, or something like that) –

      But I was thinking of specific red flags that girls should check for, which more or less suggest they should NOT get back with that guy. Guys who have crossed the line and should NOT be in a relationship. (Ex., chronic disrespect, ignoring, one-sidedness, emotionally or physically abusive, etc.) Thanks!

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 12, 2016 at 11:05 am

      Ah ok! Gotcha! Thank you so much! I’ll forward that as suggested topic to Chris. πŸ˜€

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 11, 2016 at 7:04 pm

      actually we have a post for that πŸ™‚
      Here it is:
      When Should You Stop Trying To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

      and this one too:
      EBR 016: Should You Take Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

      Please don’t hesitate to tell me if it fits or if there is something more you’re looking for.. Thank you very much too!

  11. Avatar

    Olivia

    October 5, 2016 at 2:22 am

    Hi I’m Olivia
    So pretty much after months of going back and forth and not giving eachother space, which resulted in lots of fights, after the breakup he said that we just don’t work together and all that nonsense. Since then I decided to actually go through with the no contact rule, fully. I’ve been focusing on myself my studies and getting in shape and honestly feel so much better. However, he’s in a group chat with me and our group of friends. He constantly tries to talk to me through there trying to get me to respond and talk to him. I’m not sure if this is good news or him just trying to be friendly. Thank you for your help!

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 6, 2016 at 8:44 pm

      HI Olivia,

      it’s good news.. Just stay strong in no contact.. how long have you been in no contact?

  12. Avatar

    Gwen

    October 2, 2016 at 9:33 pm

    Hi Amor
    Lately I’ve been trying to do everything with the advices here and in the comments you answered and it went good. He told me what he feels and we’ve talked about the situation. He says he wants to be with me but as we are LD he wants the relationship to be calmed and go slow I said I agree because actually I wanted to take everything slow but he is the one who has made this go faster. So in a way maybe yeah… I’ve got him back but not completely I want to be sure. Well, the thing is that these past weeks he has texted me everyday and we have talked during hours even on the phone and it was all perfect he has been the one calling me and saying he really wants to come and see me and that in the first opportunity he has he will come, he has been talking about a future together and tells me he feels he was so dumb when he left me and he is so sorry. But I don’t get why, this past two days he hasn’t talked to me. I mean, it’s so weird and I don’t get it. I’m going to explain the situation. Everything was perfect, then three days ago we were talking and in the middle of the conversation he left. He didn’t answer in 10 hours so I was angry. When he answered I didn’t want to be mad and mess things up so I didn’t answer till next day. But since then, since that text I sent him that next day he has been two days without talking to me. But not just that. He hasn’t been online. I haven’t texted anything else although I’ve been tempted but as I don’t wanna be a text gnat I’m controlling myself. I don’t get how after been perfectly these days talking for hours with him saying all of that about what he feels and that he wants to try again, then he is able not to text me and not knowing anything about me in two days. Should I answer him when he texts me again? Because actually what I wanna do is not answering until he begs… Because I’m very angry. But I don’t wanna ruin anything when I’ve finally got him back. Should I wait for answering him? Should I tell him how I feel? Should I act as if nothing happened? I really don’t know what to do…

    1. Avatar

      Gwen

      October 13, 2016 at 1:01 pm

      Hi Amor
      I followed your advice and things went well but then things have go wrong but not because of that…
      It’s very difficult
      We had a talk he told me that he loves me and he wants to be with me but it’s impossible right now because of distance so he won’t commit… I know things are difficult for us because he has to work in his city and he can’t move here and I can’t move there yet… It would take us years to be really together because of our situation is impossible right now and I don’t have a problem moving to his city it’s just I can’t right now it would have to be in a very distant future πŸ™ so the only thing we can do now is visiting each other but he has many problems because of his schedule and I can’t go and visit him… We don’t live too far it’s the same country but in our situation right now he could come and see me like once every two months :/ That’s why he says he wants us to be together and live moments together when we can see each other but he doesn’t want to be in a relationship because of the problem of distance. So he says he wants to be there for me when I need him and the same thing about me he says he is not looking for anyone else right now and that he only thinks about me but doesn’t know what could happen in a future and can’t promise me anything. He says he would completely be my boyfriend if there was no distance but right now wants to live this situation that way with me and if we date in a future it will be great but right now this all is hurting him. He told me all of that because lately he’s being very sincere and romantic and he told me he thinks he hasn’t being acting correctly, that before our feelings we have to see reality first. What do I do? Because honestly here I don’t see I can’t do anything but waiting and seeing how things go with him in a future… I try not to be sentimental and always logical as the advices given here excepting the day when we had that talk. So can you give any advice or just waiting is the only solution to this??

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 13, 2016 at 6:58 pm

      yeah.. he gave a very reasonable explanation and he’s right
      .If you think about it, would it really work that way?

    3. Avatar

      Gwen

      October 3, 2016 at 7:00 am

      Ok he answered me telling me he had a headache … Ok a person has a headache and because of that stops talking for almost three days with a person you are dating…??? That’s weird
      What should I do?

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 5, 2016 at 6:04 pm

      Hi Gwen,
      For me, you shouldn’t talk to him because you’re still angry not because I want him to beg.. you will not see anything good if you are angry. So cool down first, and once you have cooled down, talk about what you felt in the past days. Anything you should take the initiative of not talking to him everyday. If he’s the one that is going to fast, then be the one to slow it down. So that it will not get boring right away.

  13. Avatar

    June

    October 1, 2016 at 3:45 am

    Hi Amor, me and my ex have been doing well, he would text me almost everyday and is very kind to me, it feels so natural, even if i did reply him or initiate it would feel i’m in charge, until one day we both went drinking with our own respective friends and he texted me and i drunk reply. I told him I’m worried of him and he told he is too, i even called him but he couldn’t answer as the mucis is too loud. After that night, things turn awkward and he’s been very distant now, i know lately he’s been super busy but he would seen my msg and just ignore it, but the him a week ago wouldn’t dare, i think it’s because he knows and confirmed that my feelings for him still exists and so either he’s taking advantage or just..idk. This coming saturday I’ll have to have dinner with our mutual friends and his family, and I couldn’t not attend… I’ve screwed up in building rapport, what shall i do now?

    1. Avatar

      June

      October 3, 2016 at 5:49 pm

      I really want to see results… I’m afraid the longer it is, the lesser chance I’ll have… so should I wait for him to initiate or I should initiate after a long while later?

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 6, 2016 at 12:34 am

      you can initiate..try after a week

    3. Avatar

      June

      October 1, 2016 at 4:02 am

      Sorry, the seen and not reply has just started yesterday. But what happened after the drinking, was tht he would say to me he can handle his own problems without anyone. and posting stupid facebook status about giving up and being alone is the right thing to do. I hate myself because I dont know what can I do now. Do i really have to let go at this point? These few days, I kept thinking and thinking, maybe it’s not my problem and efforts that can change things, maybe it’s just him not wanting any of me and the relationship now.

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 3, 2016 at 5:06 pm

      Hi June,

      Just lay low.. get back to your activities and give him space.. that way if you’re not making a big deal out of it, he probably won’t too.

  14. Avatar

    Steph

    September 20, 2016 at 12:38 am

    Ok so my ex broke up with me suddenly, we never really fought but we were both really stressed about school and money one week and he snapped and ended it over the phone then just disappeared for a little while. Well about 3 weeks later we started talking again as just friends, we talk a lot and have fun when we talk and we’ve discussed getting back together but he seems to think that because he already told every one that we aren’t together that it is impossible for us to ever be together again. We talk every day regularly, I do usually text him first but effort is put in on both sides it’s not one word responses and we do flirt a little bit, he’s said that he misses me and my family and or relationship but he thinks it’s all in his head and he’s just withdrawing from me. I can see that and understand that, I’m not letting my self get my hopes up but there are a lot of signs that he wants to be together but out of pride wont. We have hung out and there is a lot of sexual tension and attraction and feelings between both of us. With all this being said my question is how do I reach through to him to let him know it’s ok if we do get back together, that really no one cares if we do that it between him and my self. Do I just let time tell him or is there a way I can get through.

    Thank you so much for any advice!

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 21, 2016 at 5:02 pm

      Hi Steph,

      I think it would be better if you talk to him when he’s in the best mood.. Do it person..

  15. Avatar

    Rinita Sen

    September 15, 2016 at 10:10 am

    Hi Amor,
    I starting this casual fling 2 months ago with this older 41 years man. It was undexpected for us both as we have known each other for 6 years through work. Hes always had a soft corner for me and finally 2 months back we hit it off. Altjough it was clear it was just a “monsoon/ seasonal affair”. We are long distance and he came and visted me very soon after in my city and i went over as well. However i had a terrible meltdown few weeks ago and things have gone totally downhill. 2 weeks ago i told him lets call it off as he has completely withdrawn and was about to start Ghosting in my opinion. After which we had a talk over the phone, he was cold and said he didnt want to continue till the end of the Season. So right after that conversation about 10 days ago, i went into complete NC.
    He did try to reach out to me on whatsapp and email forwards about thing we used to laugh about and on FB messenger, i didnt respond went cold turkey for 10 days. Unfortunately i sent him wrong emoji last weekend and post that he started a conversation about our breakup and he sounds repentful about how it ended and it shouldn’t have been like this.
    Hes been texting me for the last 2 days, very cool and casual. But i get a sense there is more than just friend zoning. Im responding but keeping it short and not too eager. Although in my heart i feel i have got closure as he apologised for his hurtful behaviour. What do you think i should do now? Keep going on without bringing up any reconciliation
    Thank you so much,
    Rinita

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 18, 2016 at 12:54 pm

      Hi Rinita,

      how much have you improved in the last 10 days and when are you going to see each other again?

  16. Avatar

    YNA

    September 3, 2016 at 12:16 am

    Hi Amor!

    First of all thank you so much for this article! It’s one really helpful to give us a checklist of our progress. πŸ™‚
    GOOD NEWS! I’M ALREADY IN STAGE 4! and that’s like one big improvement from me because before, I thought it was impossible. Thank you so much for helping me on the way! You have been responding to my comments and that helps a lot πŸ™‚

    I just have a few concerns tho. But just to complete the checklist
    [x] My ex and I broke up 4 months ago but I got to apply your strategies so after the NC and everything, I ended up receiving a letter from him 2 months after saying he misses me (but not necessarily romantic.)
    [x] we texted after wards! it was really positive and it lasted for a straight week. THE PROBLEM IS, IT STOPPED. @[email protected] and we ended up texting only when needed. QUESTION: Should I initiate? Sometimes he doesn’t respond anymore that’s why I stopped. πŸ™
    [x] Yes our communication is largely positive! Our small catch up was really nice! <3 It happened two times actually! And we text happily, we see each other once in a while when we get the chance
    [x] for stage four, i think I already did everything… except the last part because my mom is kinda not good about having him back so it's not the good idea

    Now I'm struggling with advancing to STAGE 5 because I feel like everything progressed the wrong way? It feels like the progress is platonic? You see, before we became a couple, we were bestfriends. And what I'm experiencing right now is like I'm again being his girl bestfriend. Also, he's becoming busy because it's his final year in college so we don't really get to text and mobile signal is really bad in his dorm. He only gets to text properly during weekends. Oh and BTW, every friday me and his bestfriend see each other to drink/watch a movie. Does it help?

    So what do I do to advance to the next stage? How do I convert the platonic/safe feeling to romantic?

    Really thanks! I want to finish it all the way and will thank you for it! <3

    1. Avatar

      Yna

      September 5, 2016 at 1:37 am

      Thanks for the reply amore!

      Just a clarification, his bestfriend is a guy. And i forgot to mention that me, his bestfriend and HIM see each other every friday. So yah, does it help? Or does it make me too available for him? Altho he has the tendency to fall in love with the person he is ALWAYS WITH. I’m confused since you guys said “Men want what they can’t have.”

      But thanks, it really looks like it’s not yet time to rush things, so noted that i’ll use social media for now. HOWEVER, i don’t know but he hasn’t liked any of my posts since we became friends on facebook again. IDK if he unfollowed me or something. I’m currently active and trying to maintain my “strong happy and independent woman” branding on facebook and I get a lot of likes from my well-taken photos, selfies, and stories. i seldom get responses from him on social media but he responds to posts of our other friends always. It sucks.

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 4, 2016 at 8:50 am

      thanks Yna! yeah it looks like it’s not the right time for him because he’s busy.. his bestfriend is a guy? yeah it helps because that friend can help you too.. but go out with others too and continue to be active in social media.. that’s your only way of keeping yourself in his thoughts while you’re not texting. If he’s only available on weekends..then only text in weekends

  17. Avatar

    Paulina

    August 30, 2016 at 12:12 pm

    Hi Amor,

    I hope you can help me. I was dating with a great guy! Everything was going good. Since the first date it felt like we already knew each other.
    He was living in my city for study. But before the summer holidays he was moving back to his own city. Before that he pulled back an didn’t text me as much as before. I thouth that it is my turn to text first, because he started the conversation almost every time. I asked him how he has been and asked him if he want’s to go swimming. He said dat he wants to but he is home right now. So we agreed to meet next week. After the weekend i texted him with a question when he can go swimming. He didn’t respond. After waiting for an answer, I told him that if he doesn’t want to meet enymore, that he can just tell me. It’s ok.
    Then I got an respond, that he really want’s to see me and that everything is ok. But that he is not in the city anymore. He said that he stays there. I asked why he didn’t tell me last week when I asked him out. Then he said that I knew that he was living in my city only for a half year. Then I said that he gave me a feeling that he really liked me. He said that he did really like me. And that he didn’t asked me out that often because he didn’t like me. Then I asked him if that has changed. He said he still likes me but it is not easy any more. Then I asked again why he didn’t tell me. He didn’t respond.
    I felt hurt and I told him that it is to bad that he was playing with my feelings.
    Then he texted me that it is not true. He asked me why would he play with my feelings.
    I said that i started to really like him and now he says that he is not in the city anymore and that it is over.
    Then he said that he only said that it is not as easy as before. Then i asked him what now how he feels about the situation. He said that he is not happy about leaving the city. Also because of me. He said that he is afraid that we will not see each onther very often. I said I understand and that maybe it is good to finisch the converstation some other time so we both can think about it. He said that it is a good idea. And then we stopped texting.

    That was the moment I started no contact rule. I complited it sucesfully. But he didn’t text me durning the no contact. So it was on me to make the first move. I taxted him a funny meme that was related to one of our dates. A few seconds later. I got an possitive respond. I answerd a day later and told him that i had fun at that date what the meme was about and him about his vacation. He gave me a short respond that he had fun too and that his vacation was good. Then I responded a day later again. Becauce I didn’t wonted to seem needy. I asked him if he misses my city a little or if he is happy to be home again. He gave me a short answer again. He said both.
    Then I said that i just want to tell him one more thing and that i won’t bother him any more. Then he texted me back that I absolutely don’t bother him, with a smiley face.
    Then I told him that I just want to tell him that I liked that he liked me for who I am. And didn’t wont just one thing, like other guy’s i dated. And that it was important for me. And that I just wanted him to know that. He texted me that he just liked to spend time with me and that he had a great time every time we saw each other. I responded a day later. That I had good time too. And that it was becauce we felt good around each other. Not awkward at all. I know that he saw myvmassage but he is not responding any more.

    Now i don’t know what to do. When should i send another message. And did I make an mistake somwere? With a wrong message or something? Do I even have a chance to get him back?
    Can you help me? Looking forward for your respond!
    Greetings, Paulina

    1. Avatar

      Paulina

      August 31, 2016 at 2:40 pm

      Hi,
      Thank you for your fast answer! So I think you are saying that i should move on and forget him? Or should I try to keep contact with him as friends? Does it meen that he had no feelings for me at all?

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 31, 2016 at 5:05 pm

      it’s not that he doesnt have feelings at all.. I think it’s just not that strong to want to try ldr.. hmm try no contact first as last option and reaEBR 004: Breaking The Long Distance Barrier With An Exd this article too:

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 31, 2016 at 1:29 pm

      Hi Paulina,

      from what I see, he doesnt want a long distance relationship and now he doesnt want you to expect that he is changing his mind

  18. Avatar

    Giulia

    August 26, 2016 at 5:41 pm

    I asked my ex of 2 years to call me if he wants to hear what I have to say. This was a week after he broke up with me unexpectedly. I know his reasons are about focusing on his future, saying he doesn’t feel the “attachment” to me but still loves me and he is confused. He said he had been thinking about doing it for a month while I had no idea. Then we had a 2 hour conversation over the phone which is the most we’ve talked about our relationship and emotions in a long time. I said I was having a hard time with the memories and felt like he gave up on us. He began getting upset on the phone again like he did during the break up, he was showing his emotions by crying and he admitted he was having a hard time with this change too. He was the one that brought up the questions he was having with our relationship and we even had some normal conversations about his career planning. So after this call I know he still has feelings for me but he just seems unsure whether he wants to be with me or maybe he is scared this is the longest either of us have been in a relationship. I am now doing the no contact rule for 30 days giving him space and distance to reconsider his feelings. Any advice on this? I’m just not sure if I should wait for him or really try to move on. The best case scenario for me would be he contacts me, we reconnect and really discuss how to further our relationship and how we can build enough trust and communication to stay together and have a healthy relationship. Thank you!

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 30, 2016 at 10:47 am

      Hi Giulia,

      did he feel pressured with you? Start to build your own routine that you would maintain even if you get him back..

  19. Avatar

    hi

    July 20, 2016 at 4:32 pm

    Hi I think my comment got deleted or something, but basically my ex and I have been broken up since 2014 and have been nc since then. He contacted me a few weeks ago and asked me out on a date last week, where we went to the movies and then to a special park in our neighborhood. He later told me that he really missed me and that he was thinking of getting back together with me. We later ended up kissing and doing other stuff but no sex cause i told him i wouldn’t. Do you think I messed up by kissing and stuff? Also how should i approach this situation as in how do i build more attraction? We texted for a few days after the date but he stopped replying on Monday. Please help me with this situation. Thanks!

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 21, 2016 at 2:45 pm

      Hi h

      sorry, I just havent reachednyour comment yet.. continue your own activities..let him breathe from texting and then initiate of after 3 or 4 days he still hasn’t texted you yet

  20. Avatar

    Didou

    July 14, 2016 at 11:19 pm

    Please please please help me
    I think I ruined all. I told him that I did mistakes I wasn’t aware I was in a coma. And then I start blaming him because he don’t want marry and he slept with me.so I can’t get marry with other man.and that he ruined my life. So I told him to forget me
    And now after he was talking about his love and passion I told him that.and it left only 15 days to back home so w can meet.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 15, 2016 at 3:43 pm

      Hi didou,

      actually it looks like you’ve been just chasing him since the break up and then expecting him to get engaged with you again even if there’s not much rapport.. and we have to be honest.. it also looks like you’ve not improved to the level of being independent and having your own life.. how many other dates have you been in?

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