I did something completely different with this episode of The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast.

Today’s question is from a woman named Carol who openly wonders if she should take her ex boyfriend back. So, rather than follow the traditional format of the show in which I allow visitors to call in, ask a question and I provide them with a game plan I decided to just lecture on what YOU (yes, you, the person reading this) should consider when deciding whether or not you should take your ex boyfriend back.

Check it out,

Now, I don’t want to give away too much because this has been my favorite episode to record so far in the short history of The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast but here is a quick look at what this particular episode has to offer.

What I Talk About In This Episode

  • 28,835 days…
  • How you only have 2,740 days to dedicate to your love life.
  • That translates to 67,540 hours.
  • Or 7.5 years.
  • Why a woman’s time is more valuable than a mans.
  • The significance of a woman hitting age 35.
  • In Vitro Fertilization?
  • Yup I (a man) seriously talk about In Vitro fertilization.

Important Links Mentioned In This Episode

None…

Well, actually for the sake of “filling” this section out I am going to plug my e-book.

(I know I am soooo horrible.)

Is This Process A Waste Of Your Time?
Find Out Here

What? No Game Plan?

Yup, there is no game plan to teach for this episode.

I know, I know I can see the disappointed look you have on your face right now.

sad man

Ok, maybe you aren’t that depressed.

Since this episode revolved around this mythical jellybean video that I keep talking about I thought it would be a good idea if I just put the video here in the show notes for you to watch for yourself.

According to the video,

We all start out with 2,8835 days…

By the time we turn 15 (on the cusp of adulthood) we only have 23,360 days to play with…

We sleep for a total of 8,474 days…

We eat food and drink for a total of 1,635 days…

We work for a total of 3,202 days…

We spend 1,099 days commuting and traveling…

We also spend 2,676 days watching TV…

1,576 days shopping and doing household chores…

When it’s all said and done we have a total of 2,740 days of free time to do with as we please. To go out on dates. Go on romantic vacations. Find the person you are meant to be with it. The point I am trying to get at here is that you had better make sure the guy you are trying to get back is worth the jellybeans…

Just saying.

Podcast Transcript

Welcome to Episode 16 of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. Today I’m going to do something a little bit different. I’m not going to be giving a game plan. Rather, I’m going to lecture a little bit.

We will hear from a woman. Her name is Carol. She’s gotten herself into an interesting situation. She’s not wondering how to get her ex back. She’s wondering if she should take her ex back. I’m going to talk a little bit about that today, what to look for and keep in mind when you’re trying to get your ex back.

Let’s hear from Carol:

“Hi, Chris. My name is Carol. At what point should I stop taking my ex-boyfriend back? He keeps breaking up with me. He’s broken up with me three times now but he always came back. He’ll break up for what seems like reasons in your last blog post. He always tells me he’s scared. He has issues from his past relationships. He always comes back.

I’m tired of getting broken up with. We’re together and everything is great. I like being with him. We have a good relationship. But then he breaks up with me. One time he thought I went on a date with this guy and he broke up with me. I didn’t even go on that date. I think he’s a little insecure. He gets a little jealous. I’ve tried everything I can do to make him not jealous or insecure. I do like him.

I do want to be with him. I just don’t want to get broken up with again. He just started messaging me and trying to talk again. I know he’s going to want to get back together. At what point should I just cut it off and stop getting back together with him? Is he ever going to change? Is it ever going to be what I want? Thanks for taking my question.”

I have to say, I absolutely love this question. I’m so used to dealing with women who want to get their exes back. But Carol is different. She knows her ex is going to come back. With her, it’s a question of, should she take him back? If she decides to take him back, which I’m assuming she will, how does she stop him from continually breaking up with her? It seems like he’s doing this as a way of controlling her.

That is the first point that I want to make. He’s breaking up with her continually. This is the third time. He always seems to come back. He seems to have issues from past relationships, like commitment and jealousy issues. She touched on that. I think those are contributing factors to why he’s breaking up with you, Carol. But I will also say that it’s a control tactic.

I want to focus in on how he got upset when he thought you went on a date. I’ll back him up on this. You should not ever be going out on a date with another guy while you are in a relationship with someone. You are playing with fire there. I will say one thing. His breakup tendencies seem to revolve around the fact that he wants to control you, Carol.

Let me dive into that thinking. You are doing things that he doesn’t like. Your behavior, for example, with this other guy. Something made him think that you were on a date with this other guy. He did not like it. He did not like how that made him feel inside. That’s probably due to past relationships and insecurities. It’s a human thing to have insecurities. It’s very human to be jealous over things, like seeing your woman go out with another man.

But what he’s doing is stepping over the line a little bit. He’s trying to punish you for something that you didn’t do. You were not on a date with another guy. In fact, it was the opposite. You went out of your way to prove to your ex-boyfriend that you are faithful and a good girlfriend. He’s punishing you. It’s a control tactic. In his mind, it will make him feel wanted. In his mind, he’s hoping that you will beg for him back, like you were the one who did something wrong.

Some men like to put themselves in the victim role. They say, “I’m innocent. I didn’t do anything.” That fact is, he’s trying to control you and threatens you with a breakup every time you do something wrong. That’s a little emotionally abusive. You shouldn’t be threatening someone with a breakup if they do something wrong. Rather, you should be talking, communicating and working out these issues together.

Now we get to the really interesting part of this episode. This is going to benefit a lot of the listeners out there. I mentioned today that there’s not going to be a game plan. I’m going to be talking specifically about whether or not you should be trying to get your ex-boyfriend back.

I stumbled across a video about a year ago. It’s still on my mind, even a year later. This video is very interesting to me. This particular person counted out the average number of days that a human will live for. On average, a human will live for 28,835 days. He filled up a box of 28,835 jelly beans.

This was supposed to represent the time that we have left in our lives. That’s roughly 79 years. On average, we live for 79 years in this world. The really cool thing about this video is that it showed you the tasks you do to take time out of your day, out of your jelly beans, so to speak. The person who made this video spread out the 28,835 jelly beans. He showed you what one day looks like. It’s like a tiny, little spec.

Then he showed you what one year looks like. It looks a little bigger but it still doesn’t make a huge dent in the jelly beans. He took out the first 15 years. We are on the cusp of adulthood. This is really when you start your dating life. At age 15 is when I started becoming interested in going on dates with girls. That’s when girls start getting interested in going out on dates. At year 15, you have 23,360 days left of your life.

Here’s the scary stuff. In your life, you will sleep for 8,477 days, on average. You’re going to eat for 1,635 days. I had lunch earlier today. It lasted for about 20 minutes. Over the course of your entire life, you’re going to spend 1,635 days eating and drinking. You will also spend 3,202 days working. The commute is 1,099 days. We’re spending around 4,300 days between commuting to work and working.

Then we’re going to get 2,676 days wasted spending time watching television. I’m extremely guilty of this. I love television. I love watching my TV shows. I love watching movies. Then you’re going to spend 1,576 days doing chores and shopping. I know how you women love to shop. It keeps going on and on like that in the video.

It explains all the different ways that your jelly beans, the days of your life, get used up. When it’s all said and done, the time you have left to go on dates, find a partner and be with someone you love is 2,740 days. That translates to 65,760 hours. That’s pretty eye opening, isn’t it? That’s not a lot of time.

When I say that you have limited time to find someone to be with long term, I’m not kidding. I think women’s time is even more valuable than men’s. Not only do they have 2,740 days, they also have something called the 35 year-old fertility drop.

Let’s say that you want a husband long term. You want a couple of kids. Around age 35, there is a drastic drop in a woman’s fertility. The eggs that she produces are no longer as good. It’s harder to get pregnant and the chances of miscarrying a baby are that much higher. There is a common misconception. You will hear women say, “I got pregnant at 40.” The truth is, generally, it’s very risky. A lot of these celebrities you hear about who get pregnant at 40 had their good eggs frozen when they were between 28 and 30. Then they implant the sperm into those eggs. They implant the egg and they have a baby.

Then there are things like in vitro treatments. Yes, that can work but it is so expensive that 90% of the people listening to this podcast can’t afford it. They covered this in the latest season of House of Cards. I think it was something like $15,000. That’s a lot of money for the average person.

When I say that a woman’s time is even more valuable than a man’s time, it’s because most women want to have children when they get older. You add in the fact that when a woman turns 35, her fertility drastically drops. It’s amazing. At age 35, it’s consistent. It drops. You only have a small window of time to find a suitable partner to spend your life with.

That’s really what I’m talking about today. This is not just for Carol but for every woman in relationships in general. Your time is very valuable. It needs to factor into your decision on if you should take your ex-boyfriend back or not. What do I mean by that? We are going to look at this today as a purely time-based situation. I’ve already outlined why your time is super valuable and you cannot be wasting it.

Also, if you get back with your ex-boyfriend, do you see it going anywhere? Be super honest with yourself. If you don’t see it going anywhere, he’s not worth getting back with. If you do think he’s not going to waste your time, then it’s worth trying to get back together with him. There are no guarantees in this process.

I will say this. The last situation you want to be caught up in is dating someone for 10 years straight without the promise of a future. The next thing you know, you’re 34 years old. You’re with the same guy. You’re coming up on 35. Your fertility is about to drop. Your long-term goals of marriage, kids and the house with the white picket fence go down the drain.

This was just because you got stuck on one stupid guy who would not commit to you. That’s really what it is. Any guy who makes you wait around that long is stupid and is taking advantage of you. You need to be strong enough to realize that. Some of the women on my site get on my nerves because they don’t realize this fact.

They don’t realize that, sometimes, guys are stringing them along on purpose to get things like sex, physical benefits and emotional benefits. He thinks, “She’s there for me but I’m not going to be there for her.” That’s not a long-term relationship. A guy who is stringing you along is wasting your valuable time.

Your time, whether he likes it or not, is more valuable than his. Keep that in mind. You only have 2,740 days to work with here. Think about that. There are 365 days in a year. If we take 2,740 days and divide that by 365 days, that’s seven and a half years that you have for free time, fun things, to enjoy your life and find the person that you’re meant to be with.

To find the person who will be a life partner that you can multiply that 7.5 years into maybe 50 years together with that person. The average American male will get married around age 27 or 28. Women get married around 26 or 27. We’ve already established that the average human being is going to live for 79 years.

Let’s say that a guy gets married at 29 years old. That means he’s going to spend 50 years of his life with a life partner, ideally. You only have seven and a half years to find that person before you can multiply that to 50 years. Do not waste your time on someone who’s not worth the time. Spend your time on someone who is.

That’s my advice to you, Carol. Really look at your boyfriend. I know you love him. I know he’s jealous. I understand all of the micromanaged things that you’ve described to me. I understand them all. He thought you went out on a date. You didn’t. He’s jealous. He has issues in his relationship. He breaks up with you but always comes back. You know he’s going to come back. How do you stop him from breaking up with you?

I could tell you to do this and this. But the truth of the matter is, the one most important factor that you should be looking at on whether or not you should take him back isn’t the stuff of, “How can I get him to stop breaking up with me?” It’s, “Will he waste my time?”

You may be in your early 20s. I was in my early 20s once. I thought I had all the time in the world. Here I am, many years later. I’m telling you that you do not have as much time as you think. It goes by fast. You don’t have a lot of time for relationships in order to find that person. Seven and a half years isn’t a lot in the grand scheme of things. That’s frightening. It’s almost depressing. All the little things you’re worried about when it comes to your ex-boyfriend doesn’t matter. What really matters is if he’s wasting your time or not.

To me, if he continues doing what he’s doing, using this tactic where he controls you by breaking up with you or threatening to break up with you, he is wasting your time. He should be dealt with in a swift manner. What I mean is that, instead of him breaking up with you, you break up with him and you mean it. Find someone who is not going to waste your time. Find someone who is going to be worth that time.

You have seven and a half years to find the man of your dreams. I’m sure that you’re going to poke holes in the math. According to the jelly bean video that I’m going to post in the show notes, you have seven and a half years to find the man of your dreams. I know it’s probably not mathematically correct. If we assume that, it’s not a lot of time.

A few episodes ago, there was a woman who dated her ex-boyfriend for 13 years. That is past seven and a half years. She wasted so much time on that guy. If it works out for them, great. That’s fantastic. I gave her really good advice. I think she has a shot of getting him back. But if she doesn’t get him back then she wasted her time on him. That’s time she can never get back. There are a lot of things that you can get back. You can get money back sometimes if you ask for a refund. You can get a second chance at certain things. One thing you will never ever get back is time. There is no way you’ll ever get it back.

The words of wisdom that I’m going to leave you with today, Carol, are simple. Answer this question: Is he wasting your time? If you determine that he’s not, good. Take him back. If you determine he is, do not take him back. I want everyone listening this to understand that. As a woman, your time is more limited than a man’s. I’m assuming you want kids when you get older. A lot of women say, “When I’m older, I’ll have kids.” Well, don’t wait too long. The next thing you know, you’ll be 40 and single. You won’t have any, just because you wasted your time on the wrong guy.

That’s it for Episode 16 of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. It’s not really a game plane episode today. I think the game plan was more of the jelly bean lecture. I’ll post the jelly bean video so you can watch in its entirety and understand it for yourself. This might be a poor iteration of what I took from it, but I’m trying to structure things in a way that you can understand that your time is extremely valuable. Don’t let people waste your time. You should only be around people who aren’t going to waste your time, people who enrich your life and make it better.

From the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery family, thank you for listening to Episode 16 of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. If you like the episode, please subscribe to my page on iTunes. I’ll make sure I put a link to the page in the show notes. I’ll see you tomorrow.

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42 thoughts on “EBR 016: Should You Take Your Ex Boyfriend Back?”

  1. Avatar

    Joanne

    April 14, 2016 at 1:04 am

    Hi Amor & Chris,

    I want to know it’s possible that ex come back when he think that our relationship no future and because of I keep begging him after the break up he think that he break up with me is a right way. We have break up for 5 month and now we only a friend (seldom talk and text and he just help me on my homework and assignment when I need his help). I now on NC and focus on myself. Appreciate if can advise if possible to get back an ex after everything become worst and I think that is no chance to get back.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 14, 2016 at 11:15 am

      Hi Joanne,

      you have to focus in yourself first.. He has to see that you are moving on and that you’re not going to chase because you have your own life now.. change your look, have a routine, meet new people, do new hobbies, have fun and post your activities…

  2. Avatar

    Kristina

    December 21, 2015 at 10:37 pm

    My ex and I got together our senior year of HS after me liking him for years and we dated 11.5 months. We had an amazing relationship and were so in love, we knew we had to talk about what we were going to do about us going to college, so we got together and talked. We had been saying for awhile that we planned to stay together and wanted to make it work, that day we talked all about it and how we were going to make it work, and thought everything was going to work out. Then that night he started saying he wasn’t sure and that he wants to experience college on his own and this new chapter of his life, so he said he had to think about it. The next day he apologized and said he did want to try because he would regret it and our relationship was worth trying for after all we’d been through. Two weeks later college started and the first week was okay, we talked everyday and he was talking about how we wanted me to go to the football games, how I could stay there and we’d celebrate our one year, etc, but then the next week we talked less and that weekend he came home and broke up with me. It’s now been almost four months and I’ve tried to get over him and move on but I haven’t been able to, I’m still in love with him, and I miss him all the time. He’s now back for the holidays and we saw each other and he told me he missed me and that he’s been thinking about me, and even told me he still loves me and wants to get back together. We both agree that we shouldn’t get back together right away but to see how it’s going and then get back together, but the thing is that he was talking about maybe waiting till the summer so we’ll have more time together and be able to spend a lot of time together, which sounds nice. However, I feel like I’ve already been waiting a few months and I don’t know if I want to wait another 5 months before we get back together. What do you think about all of this? Do you think we should wait longer?

  3. Avatar

    San

    December 1, 2015 at 2:33 pm

    Idk how to start but from past few months im like devastated ..
    The matter is i am ( no self praise) but ppl say m.good nd very beautiful m.a singer 20 years old dated my ex whose guitarist same 20yrs

    I dated my ex boyfriend in 2012 for 3 months due to a fight on july 24 i left him and i break all contacts with him after 4 months i called him he’s like too good ( our relationship is too good and soo passionate in just only three months he wants to get married with me it was a fairy tale) a
    On nov6’2012 i call & he’s like super good in talk ..we start texting and time was passed in the mid time i found that he started dating to another girl ( it breaks me all over) but continues talks to me while talking he said once we are talking then heres only u n me nothing else ..i feel like strange after their break up he regularly talks to me romantically and nicely ..

    Then that horrified day come when i asks him.CAN WE CONTINUE OUR INCOMPLETE RELATIONSHIP??
    I WAS EXPECTING A POSITIVE RESPONSE & I WAS IN THOUGHT HE’LL SAY “YES” BUT I WAS WRONG ..

    HE DIRECTLY SAY

    NO I CAN’T CONTINUE..

    I BEG I PLEASE I DO WHAT EVER I CAN ..I START PING HIM TO MY REQUEST IN EVERY 15 DAYS HE’S LIKE REPEATEDLY SAYING
    I CAN’T I CAN’T I WILL NOT I WILL NEVER FROM.LAST 9 MONTHS WE DAILY OR ON 15-20 DAYS FIGHTING ON THE SAME ISSUS ..

    NOWADAYS HE START SAYING I WILL NEVER SAY YES TO U SAYING BITTER WORDS DON’T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM ..HE DIDN’T DIDN’T GIVE A REASON TO MOVE ON NEVER SAY ..

    BUT
    I SEE THAT LOVE IN HIS EYES STILLS

    EVERYTIME HE GOES SO DEEP IN.LOOKING I FEEL THAT LOVE

    WHAT SHOULD I DO CHRIS? PLS TELL ME

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 2, 2015 at 12:14 am

      First mistake you shouldn’t beg, it lowers your standards and makes you seem like less of a prize. Start with no contact. He sounds like a player though and I would move on if I were you but you can do what you’d like. I will help you get him back if that is truly what you want.

  4. Avatar

    Priya

    June 13, 2015 at 6:28 am

    Hi Chris
    I was in a LDR for about 18 months .
    He was great in the beginning .
    Somehow things changed and I began to see him as Mr unavailable .
    I broke up with him last week . I have Been bad as I used foul language and broke up .
    He responded with a hi to my apology text yesterday .
    I am on no contact from today .
    Your inputs plz

  5. Avatar

    Theia

    June 12, 2015 at 9:56 am

    Hi Chris,

    My ex-bf came back to me couple of years ago after two timing me with his ex-gf; we had been together since then for almost 5yrs, and were planning to tie the knot within these two years.

    3 weeks ago, he asked to end the relationship with tons of reasons-
    we are having a long distance relationship and he decided by himself to stay in that country for the next 10-20 yrs;
    he is lonely;
    I can’t earn much in that country, and will be difficult to support my family (yeh, that’s totally bullshit);
    he just want to find someone who can stay by his side (he started describing his ideal wife like a maid who knows marketing)

    I asked him if there are any options to make him feel better and reconsider. However, after the conversation went on for an hour, out of humiliation and sadness, I agreed to let him free. I laid out all the ladders I can for him to come back in the past weeks, but he was very serious about ending the relationship.

    On Monday, his Facebook’s relationship status changed to “in relationship” with a local girl (not sure how long they’d known each other). I know at this point, he doesn’t love me anymore; I should be angry and hate him, however, I’m facing the fact that I still loves him and our relationship so much.

    I’m starting the 30days(or 45days) NC period today; and the struggle to try and move on.
    I really hope to get some advise from you, as I’m still thinking if I should give up on him every other day…

    Thank you

  6. Avatar

    Rich

    April 28, 2015 at 12:51 am

    Sorry if this posts twice, I wasn’t sure if it worked the first time…

    You are awesome, your site has been a lifesaver! My story is I met a guy online, chatted for a couple of weeks (he works away), most times for a few hours every night and we formed a strong connection. Our first meet up we went away for the weekend, everything translated in person, and he was very forward in saying that he was falling in love with me and that he saw a really strong future for us. I am a bit more introverted until I feel comfortable so I wasn’t as forward in that moment.

    That same first weekend, he had to pick up his young daughter whom I met, we also ran into his mum and sister at the shops (holy moley!). After that I was a bit overwhelmed and needed a sec for my head to catch up to my heart, I made the choice to tell him this.

    From that point on he pulled himself back (he confirmed this) and started going hot and cold, hot right before and during seeing me (he also met my parents) and then cold when he was with his daughter or working away, I understand that these are common and normal to a degree, however I was only seeing him for a day a fortnight when he was back and felt like we weren’t actively getting to know each other.

    After about 5 weeks of h&c, I decided it wasn’t good enough for me after I hadn’t heard back from him. My last message was asking to catch up in person (I wanted to chat face to face) to which he didn’t get back to me about. In an emotional moment, I sent a text and basically said I had hoped to chat in person, this treatment isn’t good enough for me and I wasn’t going to wait around for him to figure out my worth.

    I then felt stupid as a grown woman I shouldn’t be sending a text message like that, so I tried to call him to say sorry for sending it but that it would be good to have a chat (left voicemail). I heard nothing. I know I went against all the rules, however I sent a fb message and I said everything I wanted him to know and I figured if that was it, at least I knew that I said everything I wanted it to.

    The message basically said, that if I made him feel rejected after I was overwhelmed it wasn’t my intention, also that I felt that we never really had the opportunity to keep getting to know each other, I also made it clear that he hadn’t come on too strong (he said he thought he had) and that the feelings he expressed for me were reciprocated, I just take a bit longer to feel comfortable to express them. I left it saying that I didn’t want whatever this was to end, I would like to get to know him more and that the ball was in his court (wish I didn’t say that part!). That was nearly 2 weeks ago and I have been in NC since (it was his birthday too, that was hard!), I also deleted him off facebook.

    I am trying to decide if it is worth my time or not to hang in there. I am the type of person that when I am past something, it is almost always for good. My questions:
    -Do you think his interest/feelings changed?
    -Do you think he is scared of being hurt and that is why he pulled away? (His ex cheated on him A LOT and generally wasn’t very nice to him)
    -He is a bit insecure with his looks and things sometimes, do you think that he feels rejected by me and I have made it worse by initiating a “break up”? (I always made sure he knew that I liked the things he was insecure about).
    -Even though I initiated it, it feels like he holds the cards because he didn’t respond, is NC a good idea? Or should I be trying to make contact? And am I silly for thinking he should be the one to contact me first?

    Thank you, I know that is long winded and if you get the chance to respond great and if not all good too! 🙂

  7. Avatar

    Rich

    April 27, 2015 at 12:53 am

    I really love your site, it has been a lifesaver! My story is I met a guy online, chatted for a couple of weeks (he works away), most times for a few hours every night and we formed a strong connection. Our first meet up we went away for the weekend, everything translated in person, he was very forward in saying that he was falling in love with me and that he saw a really strong future for us. I am a bit more introverted until I feel comfortable so I wasn’t as forward in that moment.

    That same first weekend, he had to pick up his young daughter whom I met, we also ran into his mum and sister at the shops (holy moley!). After that I was a bit overwhelmed and needed a sec for my head to catch up to my heart, I made the choice to tell him this. From that point on he pulled himself back (he confirmed this) and started going hot and cold, hot right before and during seeing me (he also met my parents) and then cold when he was spending time with his daughter or working away, I understand that these are common and normal to a degree, however I was only seeing him for a day a fortnight when he was back and felt like we weren’t actively getting to know each other.

    After about 5 weeks of h&c, I decided it wasn’t good enough for me after I hadn’t heard back from him. My last message was asking to catch up in person (I wanted to chat face to face) to which he didn’t get back to me. In an emotional moment, I sent a text and basically said I had hoped to chat in person, this treatment isn’t good enough for me and I wasn’t going to wait around for him to figure out my worth.

    I then felt stupid as a grown woman I shouldn’t be sending a text message like that, so I tried to call him to say sorry for sending it but that it would be good to have a chat (left voicemail). I heard nothing. I know I went against all the rules, however I sent a fb message and I said everything I wanted him to know and I figured if that was it, at least I knew that I said everything I wanted it to.

    The message basically said, that if I made him feel rejected after I was overwhelmed it wasn’t my intention, also that I felt that we never had the opportunity to keep getting to know each other, I also made it clear that he hadn’t come on too strong (he said he thought he had) and that the feelings he expressed for me were reciprocated, I just take a bit longer to feel comfortable to express them. I left it saying that I didn’t want whatever this was to end, I would like to get to know him more (however in an open environment) and that the ball was in his court (wish I didn’t say that part!). That was a week and a half ago and I have been in NC since (it was his birthday too, that was hard!), I also deleted him off facebook.

    I am trying to decide if it is worth my time or not to hang in there. I am the type of person that when I am past something, it is almost always for good. My questions:
    -Do you think the interest/feelings changed?
    -Do you think he is scared of being hurt and that is why he pulled away? (His ex cheated on him A LOT and generally wasn’t very nice to him)
    -He is a bit insecure with his looks and things sometimes, do you think that he feels rejected by me and I have made it worse by initiating a “break up”? (I always made sure he knew that I liked the things about himself that he didn’t)
    -Even though I initiated it, it feels like he holds the cards because he didn’t respond, is NC a good idea, or should I be trying to contact him? And am I silly for thinking he should be the one to contact me first?

    Thank you, I know that is long winded (sorry!) and if you get the chance to respond great and if not all good too! 🙂

  8. Avatar

    Nix

    April 19, 2015 at 8:17 pm

    Hi Chris, I’m really confused and I need some advice. My ex boyfriend and I broke up one and a half month ago,we were together for 3 and a half years. We broke up because I caught him texting some other girl but I know there is something more because they text each other until 4AM. Weve been talking for a month because he wanted to take things slow,so the other night we went to the movies and dinner. We had a great night but I saw him texting the girl again so I got mad and told him that I’m done and tired playing his games. He said he wouldn’t text the girl again and suddenly called me ‘babe’ again, the next day he texted her again and told me that he just told her that he can’t text her anymore. He tried calling and I didn’t answer. Now I’m confused if I did the right thing. I texted him and he never texted back. He wants to fix it but he is not doing his part. Is he even worth fighting for?

  9. Avatar

    Ashley

    March 14, 2015 at 5:39 pm

    Hi Chris!

    I absolutely LOVED this episode, and I think it has been my favorite by far as well. It really put things in perspective, and makes you realize you don’t have all the time in the world. And it is silly, but even though I am spending my time trying to get back a guy who was stupid enough to let me go (cause I am fantastic 😉 ) I still know deep down that in the end it will be worth it either way. One thing I learned about time is that you can’t have any regrets. Can’t believe we sleep so much! YIKES.

    1. admin

      admin

      March 15, 2015 at 4:56 pm

      My favorite to record BY FAR!

      And yes, we sleep away so much time.

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    Sally

    March 12, 2015 at 11:21 am

    Hey Chris

    Really appreciating the podcasts! Just one thing – in the last three episodes, there’s been the sound of running water in the background. Though I’m not sure it’s always raining in Pennsylvania! 😉

    1. admin

      admin

      March 13, 2015 at 8:08 pm

      Hi Sally, you must have a good ear because I can’t hear it.

      However, I think I know what it is.

      My wife and I have fish and the filter makes that sound so that’s what it was most likely. Though it was raining outside when I recorded all of those episodes and my iMac is right next to the window so it could be that as well.

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    cynthia

    March 12, 2015 at 4:47 am

    chris,
    My Boyfriend of two years and i broke up 2 and 1/2 weeks ago. He broke up with me. i am in the middle of the NC rule. before we broke up, Valnetines Weekend, I bought him tickets to his FAVORITE artist concert, the whole VIP package too. we were supposed to go together and when we broke up i asked him about the tickets and he said he would feel bad going with someone else, and that we would “deal with that later” i dont know what that meant. The concert is the 25th of march, and by then ill have completed my NC for a month. should i ask him if he wants to go together as friends only? I DO want him back. I feel that this could be an entry way into getting him back, but i don’t know what to do, PLEASE HELP ME. I’ve spoken to him once since the break up, when i thought i might be pregnant and when i wasn’t i told him i wasnt. the whole time he was nice to me and even called me “homie” once. thankyou for answering my question and giving me some guidance.
    -desperate girl trying to get her man back

    1. admin

      admin

      March 13, 2015 at 8:01 pm

      As friends only after NC I think.

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    Samantha

    March 11, 2015 at 11:08 pm

    Hi Chris,

    My ex and I have been on really bad terms since we’ve broken up. A lot of online harassment (via Twitter/Facebook) and him talking about me to his friends in a negative way (and enjoying arguments his friends have with me to hurt me). I figured it’s time to move on but I still obviously miss and sometimes feel like I love the guy. I’ve made new social media accounts to cut a lot of people out of my life and didn’t include him in there, and I’ve noticed he’s already blocked me even though I didn’t do anything. What could that really mean? I’ve been dying to talk to him, because I miss him. (We broke up four months ago btw but stuff still keeps happening.) I don’t know how to take how any of this means. Naturally, I’d assume that he wants nothing to do with me, hence the blocking but I’m clearly still on his mind a lot with all the tweets (even if they’re negative)…any help would be appreciated.

    1. admin

      admin

      March 13, 2015 at 7:50 pm

      Well have you implemented the no contact rule yet?

    2. Avatar

      Samantha

      March 16, 2015 at 7:32 pm

      Yes but never successfully for longer than two weeks at most. Today, at three weeks, is the longest it’s worked out.

  13. Avatar

    felicia

    March 11, 2015 at 9:27 pm

    Chris you got me excited again and it seems like you release these podcasts JUST when i need them. I’ve been doing alot of thinking about whether if getting my ex is worth my time…5 months later : but i cannot wait to listen to this!

    1. admin

      admin

      March 13, 2015 at 7:50 pm

      Hi Felicia!

      I think youll like this episode.

      This is my favorite one so far.