This is the ultimate guide for using social media to get your ex boyfriend back.
I want to be clear about something.
This is NOT your average “use social media to get your ex back” post.
I’ve spent the past ten years coming up with seven core rules that can be applied across just about every social media platform.
Yep, I’m talking about the big ones like,
So, if you’re looking to learn exactly how to use social media after a breakup you’re going to love my seven core rules.
- Don’t Unfriend Or Block Your Ex After A Breakup
- Adhere To The Five Category Post Rule
- Ensure That You Are Consistent With Your Posts
- Don’t Be Afraid To Use Subtle Jealousy
- Don’t Overreact Over “Likes” and “Comments”
- Every Picture You Post Should Use The Two Thirds Rule
- Make Sure That Every Picture Shows You Outgrowing Your Ex
Let’s get after it!
Rule #1: Don’t Unfriend Or Block Your Ex After A Breakup
The reasoning here is simple.
Social media is one of the most powerful tools you can employ post breakup and it’s not a good idea to suddenly take a break from it.
Social media kind of prevents that from happening.
By posting some of the things we are going to discuss with you today it’s technically a way of indirectly contacting your ex.
Yet you’d be shocked at how often we get clients who have a knee jerk reaction during a breakup and straight up block or unfriend their ex.
Statistics tell us that there is roughly an 89% chance that your ex is going to be Facebook stalking you after a breakup so the odds are that your ex will be paying attention to you and not forgetting you.
Let’s talk about some of the more specific situations we find people in regarding this rule.
What If You’ve Already Unfriended Your Ex?
If you’ve unfriended your ex do not “Re-friend” them. Instead, follow the rest of the rules I’m going to lay out in this guide.
Generally speaking unfriending an ex and then “re-friending” them makes you look a bit weak and anxious.
Besides there will come a time when you actually begin the process of trying to get them back that you can re-friend them from a position of strength as opposed to weakness.
It’s also important to remember that even if you have unfriended your ex there’s a huge chance they’ll still be paying attention to what you’re up to.
What If You’ve Blocked Your Ex?
Unblock them immediately.
While it will make you look anxious the benefits outweigh the risks especially when it comes to something like the no contact rule.
You want your ex to see what you are up to after the breakup and blocking them prevents them from doing it.
Rule #2: Adhere To The Five Category Post Rule
So often people will ask me,
“Chris what should I be posting on social media to get my ex back?”
My answer will always be the same.
Make sure you always post something within the five categories.
So, what are the five categories.
- Health Based Post
- Wealth Based Post
- Relationship Based Post
- Magnum Opus Based Post
- Your Choice Based Post
Now, before I get into specific examples of these posts I’d like to talk a bit about the theory behind them.
Some of you may notice that there are technically three tenets within the five categories.
- Holy Trinity: Health, Wealth And Relationships
- Magnum Opus: Which helps with outgrowing your ex
- Free For All: Giving you individuality
Every post that you post is designed to show your ex that you’re doing awesome without them which is exactly what we want to do.
Now, the cool thing about the five categories is that you can apply them on a rolling basis.
Imagine the average week for the world.
- Monday: Health related post
- Tuesday: Wealth related post
- Wednesday: Relationship related post
- Thursday: Magnum opus related post
- Friday: You choose the post
- Saturday: Take a break
- Sunday: Take a break
After your break days you simply rinse and repeat until the end of time. Now, the beauty is that your posts are all varied topic wise and interesting.
Usually if you’re able to pull this off successfully it won’t just be your ex who notices but rather everyone who notices which gives you a nice social proof bonus.
Health Related Post Examples
Generally speaking anything in this category is going to be heath related which includes a broader range of things than you can imagine.
There’s the obvious physical health.
But also mental health.
You get the picture.
Here’s a few of the best ideas we’ve come up with for health related post
- Pictures of you working out
- Pictures of workout progress on apps
- Eating healthy
- Going to a spa (de-stressing)
Let’s move on.
Wealth Related Post Examples
This one for me has always been the most straightforward one.
It’s always going to have something to do with your job. Typically you doing something fulfilling at your job.
Here’s a few of the best examples we’ve noticed over the years.
- Pictures of you actually working at your job
- Pictures of you getting an award at your job
- Anything showing you being recognized for your job
- Funny stories at your job
- We’ve even had some clients be featured on the news so posting about that can work
- You get the idea here
Basically you want to post things that make you look awesome.
Relationships Related Post Examples
The relationships category is thought to include a lot of different types of relationships but you’ll notice that one is usually pretty absent.
Your romantic relationships.
I made this rule very specifically because of how many of our clients mistook it to mean that they needed to post something related to their ex.
That’s not the case.
This isn’t about your relationship with your ex it’s about your relationship without everyone outside of your ex.
The best examples include,
- Pictures of you and your friends having fun
- Pictures of you and your family having fun
- Sometimes you want to post pictures of you out on a date with someone else but I have VERY specific rules on how to do this so make sure you read them coming up later.
Magnum Opus Related Post Examples
First we must define what a magnum opus is,
Essentially it is your life’s greatest achievement.
The reason I highlight this is because often I find my clients get too wrapped up into their exes that they forget an important part of getting them back is actually moving on from them.
By highlighting your work on your magnum opus you can accomplish this.
I’d give you examples on your magnum opus but it’s so specific to you that me giving random examples isn’t ideal.
For me, I’m working on a fantasy novel series.
It’s sort of that hidden passion that I obsess about and work on (even if it’s just a little bit) every single day so me working on a magnum opus and posting about it would be something related to the creation of that.
Free For All Post Examples
Here is where you get free reign to post pretty much whatever you want.
Though this doesn’t give you an excuse to post sappy breakup updates or quotes about how you’re better off without them.
You’ll also want to stay away from lyric videos.
Your ex can do that.
Rule #3: Ensure That You Are Consistent With Your Posts
Contrary to what you might believe when I say “be consistent” I’m actually not saying that you need to up your post intensity but rather be consistent with your current post intensity.
Imagine for a moment that before you stumbled across this guide you were used to posting three times a week.
Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
Yet, when you learn about the five post categories and see that ideally you should be posting five out of seven days you begin to freak out because you aren’t posting enough so you immediately up the frequency of the posts you are posting.
DO NOT DO THIS!
The last thing you want to trigger is a reaction out of your ex that makes them think you are trying too hard after the breakup.
Instead just apply the five category rule to your already existing frequency.
- Monday: Health
- Wednesday: Wealth
- Friday: Relationships
- Monday: Magnum Opus
- Wednesday: Free For All
- Friday: Health
Just rinse and repeat.
What If You Don’t Have Any Post Frequency At All?
If you are one of those people that never posts on social media at all you will need to slowly up your frequency but don’t do it all at once.
Rather stagger them.
Maybe start off with doing one or two posts a week and then turn the dial up until you eventually get to three posts a week.
Rule #4: Don’t Be Afraid To Implement Subtle Jealousy
I’m a big believer in subtle jealousy as opposed to direct jealousy.
If you aren’t familiar.
- Subtle Jealousy = Any type of jealousy where you aren’t directly throwing it in your exes face. Rather you’re hinting at it.
- Direct Jealousy = Any type of jealousy where you purposefully rub it in your exes face. Many times this is telling your ex that you’re dating someone new.
Every once in a while during your five category posting you want to sneak some jealousy posts in when it comes to your relationship categories or your free for all category.
I’ve told this story a lot but it illustrates my point so well that I’m going to tell it again.
In 2017 I was on a coaching call with a client and she began asking me what I thought about a situation she found herself in.
Her ex had broken up with her and she had accepted that fact. So much so that she began going on dates with other guys yet she was embarrassed about this fact.
A big part of her still wanted her ex back and didn’t want to upset him so she purposefully hid this from him since she knew her ex was really prone to jealousy.
During one of her dates at a restaurant she decided to take a picture of her food yet she forgot to crop out her dates arm so when she posted it to social media her ex saw the guys arm and went berserk.
I guess he cared more than he thought he did.
When I told this story to my audience in my Private Facebook Group the jealousy pictures were born.
Basically volunteers in the Facebook Group have compiled 838 different subtle jealousy pictures you can use for your social media jealousy plan.
Pretty amazing, right?
There are all types of subtle jealousy pictures,
- From you “going on vacation”
- From you “receiving flowers at work”
- The arm pictures at restaurants
- Playing board games with someone
All for your use.
Now, this complete guide is supposed to be non pitchy or salesman like but I know for a fact people are going to ask me how they can gain access to this resource.
My answer, anyone who is a member of The Ex Recovery Program will gain access to it.
Rule #5: Don’t Overreact Over “Likes” and “Comments”
It’s pretty normal to psychoanalyze what it means if your ex likes or comments on one of your posts or videos via social media.
It’s also normal to wonder what it means if they don’t like or comment.
I’ve noticed over the years through working with people that there is a tendency to obsess about likes and comments so I figured I’d save you hours of time wondering what it all means.
If your ex doesn’t like or comment on your stuff it doesn’t mean they don’t care about you. Instead, it’s more likely that they are trying to show you that they have “forgotten” you in an attempt to “win the breakup.”
On the flip side if your ex does comment or like your stuff it’s not that it doesn’t mean anything.
But it means far less than your mind would have you believe.
It’s an acknowledgement from your ex that they are still paying attention to you and that is good but it is not going to be a sole indicator that they want you back.
Your best approach always in cases like this is to ignore it or respond with a one word response like “thanks.”
Imagine for a moment you are obsessed with your exes comment on one of your photos and you leave this really long response to whatever he said.
All this accomplishes is shows him how much his validation matters to you and that’s not a precedent you want to set.
After all, you’re supposed to be so busy that you don’t have time to respond to comments.
Rule #6: Every Picture You Post Should Use The Two Thirds Rule
It’s time for a photography lesson.
Every photo you post on your Instagram or Facebook should adhere to the two thirds rule.
What is the two thirds rule you ask?
Two Thirds Rule: An imaginary 3×3 grid is placed over the photo and if the subject takes up more or less than 2/3 of the grid, then it needs to be adjusted.
It works like this.
First you take a 3×3 grid (an imaginary one) and do your best to fill up 2/3rds of it.
Though interestingly not all 2/3rds are created equally. If it was as simple as just filling the grid up everyone would have immaculate pictures.
Care to take a guess at what’s wrong with this photo even though it looks like it adheres to the 2/3rds rule?
There are two problems I see with it.
Technically it looks like it takes up 2/3rds of the 3×3 grid but it’s actually taking up 2.75/3 of the grid. So, it’s too much.
I also have a problem with the placement of the woman in the photo.
In America we read from left to right. This means our eyes are trained first look left and then right. It’s an unconscious thing that we often aren’t aware of in the moment but it does occur. So, I’ve always preferred my clients to post photos like this.
Not only does it adhere to the 2/3rds rule but the photo also reads from left to right.
Now, the left to right thing is just a personal preference. There are plenty of examples that adhere to the 2/3rds rule by being placed in the center.
Another thing that I haven’t mentioned so far is look how well this photos are lit.
The average person isn’t familiar with the two thirds rule and they don’t light their pictures properly but if you are strict about adhering to these principles you’re going to find that all of a sudden you have one of the best social media profiles out of all of your friends.
Rule #7: Make Sure That Every Picture Shows You Outgrowing Your Ex
I started Ex Boyfriend Recovery in 2012 and in some ways a lot of the “strategies” have changed.
In other ways none of them have.
Take the no contact rule as an example.
We used to talk about the no contact rule as if it was this rule where you ignored your ex and they in turn would miss you. However, after years of seeing it into practice we came to realize that, that’s not really how it functions at all.
Sure, it can make your ex miss you but in the end what matters more than anything is your ability to outgrow your ex.
Yet when I say “outgrow” your ex I’m not technically talking about forgetting them and moving on. Sure, those are elements that can help you outgrow them but ultimately what I find most people lack is a purpose outside of their ex.
Upon interviewing our success stories and asking them what they think made the biggest difference in getting their exes back nearly all of them stated that they believed their ability to move past their ex was key.
Diving deeper into this mindset I asked if it was possible to “fake” this mentality and nearly all of them stated that it wasn’t.
This leads us to social media.
Whenever you post something on social media I don’t want you to do it for your ex. Instead, I want you to do it for you.
This is all about you and not them.
You need to outgrow your ex first before you can get them back.