Breakups make people do strange things.

You’re heartbroken and discombobulated. You (or your ex) will question if the right decision was made. The person with whom you have shared so many things was suddenly plucked out of your life.

I’m sure that’s how you feel right now: as though there is a gaping hole in your life the size of a crater when the meteorite that was your breakup hit your life. Punched you in the gut. Slapped you in the face.

You’re in shock.

And guess what?

Chances are, your ex feels that way too, even if he was the one who broke up with you.

Unless your ex was the biggest jerk in existence, in which case you probably should reconsider your attempts to get him back and move on for good, chances are that he is going through the same things that you right now. In fact, he may be experiencing greater pain since breaking up with someone definitely takes courage.

Even if he may not show it or express it, he is probably wondering if he did the right thing.

That being said, it’s normal that after a breakup, you and/or your ex may behave in ways that are different from what you’re familiar with.

And let’s not forget that there are TONS of articles on managing breakups, which can be really baffling if you’re too emotional to process anything rationally. Not only do you have your emotions to deal with, you also have friends, family, and the Internet trying to tell you what to do.

How does that NOT drive anything crazy?!

Before diving into reasons your ex may have unfollowed you on social media, I’d like to point out a few things you shouldn’t post on social media:

  • NO sad posts about broken relationships and breakups
  • NO angry posts about how terrible men are
  • NO pensive posts about love or how ideal relationships should be

You may ask,

“Why not? This is exactly how I feel!”

That may be true, but doing any of those things come across as desperate, which is certainly NOT the position from where you will re-attract your ex! Trust me when I say that even if the quote or picture or song or movie resonated strongly with you, it is important to refrain from posting them on social media.

You want to show your ex that you are “moving on.” Now, if you’re thinking in your head that you DON’T actually want to move on from your ex (that’s why you’re here, isn’t it?), know that some of the best strategies involve the idea of “moving on without moving on.”

Having said that, those angry and sad posts do not paint the picture of someone who has moved on. Rather, they paint the picture of a desperate and heartbroken person who is still hung up over her ex and can’t move on with life.

Unfortunately, even if you really are feeling the desperation of wanting your ex back and the heartache from the breakup, social media is the last place you should vent these feelings.

What, then, should you post?

You should post things that the Ungettable Girl would post.

What’s an Ungettable Girl? Good question.

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Alright, now that we have established what you should and should not post, let us jump into why your ex-boyfriend might have unfollowed you on social media.

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Reason 1: It still hurts him to see you (and your photos)

He’s hurt either by you or by having to see your photos.

If you’re being UG, you are probably – and if not, you should – posting pictures of you having fun.

You seem to be moving on just fine without him.

You are trying out and doing cool things without him.

You are making new friends.

In his head, he will also be thinking, “Is she also dating someone new?”

And this thought bothers him, despite the fact that he might have been the one to initiate the breakup instead of you. It bothers him that while he’s still processing the breakup and trying to make sense of his feelings, there you are . . . looking so beautiful and being so amazing.

Guess what?

It hurts.

Since it’s too painful for him to see photos of you or know what you’re doing, he wants to get the image of you out of his head. He believes that since you are moving on, he has to learn to move on as well. And the best way he can do this is by unfollowing you.

It is possible that his friends are telling him to do the same, but remember . . .

Him unfollowing you isn’t about you at all.

It is a reflection of him and where he is at.

Does this mean anything at all?

What it does mean is that you have had a big enough impact on him that he cannot bear to look at your profile because

  • it hurts too much
  • it gets under his skin/annoys him/angers him
  • is obviously hindering him from moving on

In his mind, you have broken up and he has lost you, so the next best thing he can is to try and move on. But, if you keep popping up on his news feed, there’s no way he can move on. Besides, his friends and family are probably telling him the same thing.

Maybe they are even telling him to delete you from social media.

But there’s probably a part of him that isn’t ready to do that just yet.

Your ex is wrestling with his emotions and going through his own weird battle.

In the end, he did the only thing he knew how to, and unfollowed you on social media.

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Reason 2: He is trying to get a reaction out of you

Men can be pretty darn immature, and the immaturity can manifest itself pretty strongly in circumstances such as a breakup.

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This is why even when it is difficult to do, you should not panic over the things your ex-boyfriend does after breaking up with you, such as dating a new person or doing something you never thought he would do.

When it comes to social media, he may have unfollowed you to:

  • see how fast you notice
  • when you do notice, he wants to see you react

It boils down to how much reactivity they can trigger out of you because reactivity = control.

Some guys will do this even if they start talking to or dating a new girl.

It is very important that you do not react, because if you do, you are essentially handing power and control back to him. You are sending the message, “I am carefully watching you because I am still obsessed over every move you make.”

Ask yourself if you were ever a text GNAT.

Because if you were, freaking out or confronting your ex the moment you found out he unfollowed you on social media can be detrimental to your chances of getting him back. He already experienced you blowing up his phone with endless text messages and phone calls, begging him to get back together. He might have even experienced you showing up at his place.

You were out of control.

You were emotional.

None of those memories were positive, unfortunately.

That is why any negative emotional reaction on your part can ruin your chances of getting him back. If you freaked out and started demanding why he unfollowed you, those negative memories can be triggered. He will be reminded of how you were, and he will think, “She hasn’t changed one bit. Now I remember why we broke up.”

Even if he was being a jerk, and trying to bait you to get a reaction out of you, then I can’t tell you how important it is to hold your ground and lift your head high. Show him that you’re not affected by him unfollowing you on social media. And consider if you even want him back.

After all, do you really want to be with someone who doesn’t value you and only wants to mess with your emotions?

Reason 3: His new girlfriend made him do it

I know that’s not what most women want to hear, especially if they want to get their exes back, but it’s true and it’s very possible that the new woman he’s dating made him do it.

If this is the case, that’s good news.

It means that you’re a threat to her, and she wants to eliminate you.

Maybe she senses that he’s still not over you, and is trying to force that process.

Whatever her reason may be, she is feeling threatened by you. She doesn’t want him to look at your photos and see how amazing you have become. At any rate, there is a high chance that she is a rebound and you have very little to fear. The new relationship, especially if they started dating shortly after your breakup, will go up in flames without you having to lift a finger.

Do you hear the good news?!

When it comes to your ex and his rebound, you don’t have to do anything!

Let things unfold naturally. But this doesn’t mean you get to be complacent.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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You should definitely continue posting pictures of your new self on social media, and to the extent which you are comfortable, make your posts public.

He will stalk, even if she made him unfollow you.

Remember, it is mission-critical that you take this time during the No Contact period to be the Ungettable Girl. But being the UG isn’t something that you do only during NC or only until you get your ex back.

You can’t fake it, because trust me, your ex will notice.
To be the UG, you have to truly take the time to work on and transform yourself. It’s not a superficial change; it’s a real change.

To recap, there are several reasons your ex unfollowed you on social media. They are:

  1. He is still hurting and processing the breakup
  2. He is trying to get a reaction out of you
  3. He was forced to do so by his new girlfriend

Reasons #1 and #2 show that you still affect him, and this is precisely what you would hope for.

Even though Reason #3 is unpleasant, chances are that his new relationship is a rebound relationship, and he is trying his best to impress her. With this new girl, he is experiencing the honeymoon stage of the relationship.

During this time, you should definitely channel what I would call your “UG-ness” and subtly remind him through social media that you are a woman of high value and you are currently living this amazing life post-breakup.

You may think, “Wait! But he’s already unfollowed me! How do I use social media to demonstrate my UG-ness?”

As I have mentioned before, he will naturally become curious at some point.

What is she up to? Has she been dating anyone new? Is she doing anything fun?

He will be wondering about these questions, and probably a ton of other questions as well.

This is why it is encouraged that you keep some of your social media posts public. However, you should only do it to the extent which you are comfortable.

If you think there are things that people such as your boss should never see or find out, then put yourself first and keep those posts private!

If you do not want everyone to see certain posts, then you should definitely keep them private.

But . . . what about that cute picture of you holding a puppy?

Or maybe that picture of you being a real badass at tennis?

Or that post about the super cool promotion you were offered at your job?

It’s about striking a balance, and when you post anything on social media, especially if you are going to make the post public, definitely do a quick check and ask yourself two seemingly simple but considerably important questions:

  • Will this post hurt/harm me in any way? (e.g. Is this something I should keep private so that my employer won’t see?)
  • Is this a UG post?

(This post was written by Carmen Khoo)

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139 thoughts on “Why Did My Ex Boyfriend Unfollow Me On Social Media?”

  1. Brinna

    May 25, 2021 at 5:18 pm

    My ex broke up with me a month ago, and I immediately went into no contact. Now last night marked the 30 days, and I saw that he unfollowed me on Snapchat. That is the only form of social media he has, and he was watching my stories everyday. But just randomly unfollowed me. But he’s also offered to help me move some storage items a week ago. So I’m confused.

  2. Kate

    March 11, 2021 at 2:24 pm

    He stopped talking to me for 2 weeks then changed his relationship status on Facebook to single and changed profile picture etc. Didn’t even call me or text me to break up with me. He has now deleted me and unfollowed off all socials. Should I unfollow him too? I haven’t reacted to anything and his family still have me on social media etc we were together for 5 years.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 12, 2021 at 9:36 pm

      Hey Kate, no do not unfollow him as it is going to be seen as an emotional reaction. Keep going as you are.

  3. Briana

    February 23, 2021 at 2:31 am

    Hi, my ex and I broke up 8 months ago. I deleted him off snapchat 2 months after the breakup, 2 months later he added me again and I accepted. Last week, I posted that I received an amazing massage from a spa. He viewed the story, and deleted me off Snapchat after. I am confused as to why he would do this. Is he hurting that I am happy? Does he think I have moved on

  4. Melanie Andrea

    February 20, 2021 at 8:25 pm

    After 30 days of breaking up and my ex telling me he doesnt want to get back together, he messaged me this morning to congratulate me on my new company then unfollowed me on IG and removed me from his followers. Then messaged my best friend boy to hang out?
    What is he doing

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 23, 2021 at 4:25 pm

      Hi Melanie. It seems that he may think you have someone new and moving on. And doesn’t like it.

  5. zoe

    February 4, 2021 at 12:01 pm

    I am doing 30 days no contact and I stopped texting him, stopped liking his posts, ignoring his texts and stopped checking his stories. Ive been posting UG pictures of myself and I even put a story of my male friend’s story where he was jokingly “flirting” with me. I got about a week left but he suddenly unfollowed me, should i still reach out after no contact is over?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 4, 2021 at 5:20 pm

      Hi Zoe, yes still reach out when your NC is over, be sure to use one of Chris texts, the issue with this is that you noticed he has unfollowed you – you should not be watching social media to know this. You need to focus on yourself and your UG work.

  6. Mary

    February 4, 2021 at 1:10 am

    Hi, my ex and I broke up about 10 days ago. We had been going out for 6 months but had alot of fighting in the last 3 months and then both eventually got fed up. He isn’t on alot of social media – just snapchat but neither I nor he ever really put up stories or now that we’ve split, send each other snapchats. We haven’t been in contact since breaking up. Today he removed me as a friend on snapchat and I’m confused because we don’t see pictures of each on this anyway. Do you think this mean’s he’s moving on?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 4, 2021 at 4:03 pm

      Hi Mary, I would say that him doing this is an emotional reaction because he had you on his mind more than anything else.

  7. Annika

    January 14, 2021 at 12:18 am

    Hi,
    my boyfriend and I broke up over a year ago so its been a while but we’ve been in NC since. It ended on good terms and there was no drama. Recently he randomly unfollowed me on instagram and then a week later he blocks me on snapchat. I don’t understand, why is he doing this over a year later? I see him all over dating apps so I know he doesn’t have a girlfriend.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 14, 2021 at 3:59 pm

      Hi Annika, so this could be that he has met someone and he doesn’t want you to see, or he is thinking you have met someone yourself. Either way I would give it too much thought unless you want to get back together.

  8. Angie

    December 26, 2020 at 2:30 pm

    He broke up with me and delete my number after two week of apart he post a pic of him and a girl in his story ( but hide me so i cant see it)and i date someone new and he instantly unfollowed me on instagram

  9. Sole

    December 3, 2020 at 5:28 pm

    Hi, my ex suddenly remove me from his follower list (I couldn’t see his post) but still follow me after almost 39 days of no contact. This is the second time of no contact. I was shocked and not sure why he did that.can you please advice? thanks

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 4, 2020 at 10:27 pm

      Hi Sole, often people do this so that they can post things without you seeing what they are doing.

  10. Kim

    November 19, 2020 at 11:26 pm

    He told me that he was really lucky to have me and havent found my qualities in a long time .. then 2 days after he broke up with me because he s not drawn to the relationship, the same day he unfollowed me , i asked him why (shouldnt have..) and told me tht ir hurts him . And today ( 3-4days after) he took me off his followers so i cannot see his instagram, i didnt react and not plannin on , i d love him getting back … we ll see

  11. Kayla

    November 2, 2020 at 7:48 pm

    My ex unfollowed me today on Instagram. We broke up 2 months ago. I posted tons of photos after the breakup obviously hoping he’d see them and reinforcing the UG concept. After a month of posting I took a month-long break of posting and then on Halloween posted some nice pics of myself for the first time in a while. Now he’s unfollowed me—I’m assuming because he’s upset seeing me living my life. What bothers me the most though is he still follows MY friends and he still follows all of his exes—except me. Could it be that he’s still hurting? I haven’t said anything to him in over a month and a half. Should I reach out to see how he is?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 2, 2020 at 8:39 pm

      Hi Kayla it is likely that whatever he seen in your posts upset him enough to make him unfollow you for a while

  12. Lilly

    October 25, 2020 at 8:09 am

    I really need some advice, I don’t know who else to ask no one else knows about my situation and I need a second opinion.

    I’ve been seeing a guy for four years on and off, we are two different people with different interests but have a love larger than life for one another. When we break up we always seem to come back to each other. He broke up with me in Jan and instantly regretted it and begged me to take him back. When I agreed to gave it another go but I told him, this time we have to go all in, have to give it 100% which I did, I did everything, I tried to be everything he wanted me to be because I loved him so much & I really wanted it to work, I really tried so hard but he was the complete opposite. So cold towards me, when I was around him, he hardly smiled or wanted to be hugged, didn’t want to see me as much, didn’t message me back yet was online elsewhere. With his friends he was a different person. I didn’t say anything because our relationship was still a little fragile and I wanted so badly to work this time. Over time my emotions were building up, I was taking emotional knocks I felt so incredibly sad and unwanted, I was going through the motions and started to feel angry and resentful. He didn’t want to do something one day and I just exploded, he then broke it off there and told me it was my fault. I felt that he was doing all this to me so he had an excuse to break it off again. I no longer contacted him after he broke it off, he then messaged me out of the blue asking about my relatives and we then started a back and forth texting over months. Feeling like old times was nice I missed talking to him again as still I had love for him. He drops a bomb one day and said he’s on Tinder and can’t hack being single & not speaking to anyone, I bawled my eyes out, I never felt so stupid, who was I to him why was he talking to me even though he wanted to get with someone else. I stopped messaging back that night, the next day he sends me a good morning text wishing me a good day. Despite everything I messaged him back that morning once as even though I was broken I still loved him deeply and would do anything to speak to him. Of course that night, he blocked me on everything and no longer sent me message back.

    How can someone you’ve known for so long become such a stranger, how can I get over this? It’s so messed up, how he treated my heart is awful yet I miss him so much and would do anything to get him back.

    What was he doing, does anyone have an answers? Lil.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 25, 2020 at 10:29 am

      Hi Lilly, it can be hard when a relationship that is on and off all the time, suddenly feels done. He is likely fed up of the back and forth between you both and realised that one of you needs to break the pattern you have created. The issue of getting him back – you need to work on yourself and show him you are happy positive person to be around and that he is going to be reminded why you got together in the first place. However, you keep breaking up – you need to use your 45 days no contact to work out, why you keep breaking up, and if you are truly compatible for a long term healthy relationship.

  13. Harriet

    October 11, 2020 at 8:07 am

    I was seeing a guy for 2 months before I had the dtr talk and he told me that he didn’t want to date. I was hurt initially and cried my eyes out in front of him. The next day i told him that I wanted to be FWB.

    We hooked up and he stopped halfway through and said he didnt think he could do it and he actually liked me/enjoyed spending time together. I told him i just wanted sex, no cuddling or spending time together.

    The second time we hook up he deliberately starts messaging a girl in front of me straight after sex. I did not react. He messaged a few times to check on me and i told him not to unless there was something to talk about.

    I stopped watching his insta stories but kept following him. However I saw last night that after viewing a selfie of me dressed up for a night out he unfollowed me. Does he just not care? Is he moving on? Do I have a chance of getting him back after I sent so many messages that I wasn’t bothered?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 24, 2020 at 8:35 pm

      Hi Harriet, when he takes the time to unfollow you this is not that he does not care, it is in fact the opposite it bothered him enough to remove you. Keep working the program and you will see results if you keep working the Ungettable

  14. Mandy

    June 30, 2020 at 5:35 pm

    Can I please have some advice. I’m in a really difficult situation.

    My ex ended things with me at the beginning of lockdown. We began to have a lot of arguments as we were both going through our own personal struggles.

    Over the last few months, he’s been driving past my house, he got a tattoo for my pet who sadly passed away and he phoned me for 8 hours whilst drunk. However, he is supposedly seeing a girl 6 years younger than him.

    I posted a picture on Instagram earlier which was a little risqué…. and he has now unfollowed me. What do I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 25, 2020 at 2:29 pm

      Hey Mandy, the photo probably upset him as he thinks you are looking for attention. You need to go into a No Contact period where you are not talking to him or accepting phone calls from him for 45 days and then start following the being there method

  15. Sara

    June 19, 2020 at 11:55 pm

    Hi,
    My boyfriend just broke up with me 4 days back we’ve known each other for nearly 5 year but we were just friends we fell in love just 5 months back we have family issues due to which we cannot be together I wanted to be friends we tried but few days back he said that he has to pull the bandage once and ended all relations with me didn’t even replay to my text and unfollowed me

  16. Gia

    May 26, 2020 at 7:51 pm

    My ex deactivated his IG 5 days after he broke up with me. I hadn’t even gotten a chance to do/post anything that was “UG Girl”. I mean, I guess it’s better than being blocked entirely. Even he initiated, I know he’s hurting so that might be why. I just really wanted that platform to reattract. I will carry on of course and continue NC.. just feels even more final without him there. I guess my attitude needs to be that he’s missing out on a whole lot, too. I’m a great girl!

  17. Emily

    April 29, 2020 at 4:13 am

    Hi,
    Over a week ago, my long distance boyfriend asked for time alone (aka some space). He has a lot of stressful things going on in his life atm. He said he doesn’t want to lose our relationship, he doesn’t want me to forget him, and he isn’t leaving me. He said he still hopes we can meet after coronavirus lockdown is lifted. Moreover, he said that I could still text or call him. Even so, he insisted on a break for his mental well-being because he feels stressed and depressed. He mentioned being scared that things could change for us in the future and end badly, like they did with his ex fiance.
    I agreed to the break, even though it hurts. The following day, I sent him a message to let him know I am here if he wants to talk, but I want him to be well and understand if he needs time. He saw the message, but he didn’t reply. After that, I started the NC. I plan to contact him after 30 days. Am I making a mistake?
    3 days into no contact, I went on Facebook. I was watching a livestream. My boyfriend came online, was online for about an hour, and suddenly unfriended me on Facebook. I did send a friend request, that he ignored, but I didn’t contact him.
    I’m 8 days into no contact and noticed he has now unfriended me on Twitter and Instagram.
    Is he moving on? Should I reach out?
    I am really confused. Please help me. I don’t know what to think or do, and my heart is breaking. Thank you.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 6, 2020 at 9:13 pm

      Hey Emily, I can not tell you if you should move on or not that is up to you. However you are only a few days into No Contact so make sure that you spend this time working on your Holy Trinity and see how you feel nearer the end of your No Contact if you want to get your ex back and reach out or if you want to move on.

  18. Courtney

    April 24, 2020 at 2:36 pm

    Hi, so My Ex and I were with each other for 4 years Known each other for about 5, we’ve lived with each other had miscarriage, we’ve had more cons than pros during our relationship. Yet we have always been there for one another no matter what, together or not. We broke up about 5 months ago but we were still doing things couples do yet he was doing him cause I put it in my mind hey we’re both single don’t check him about anything even tho it hurt I was still coming to his moms house to be with them up until a week ago I Texted him and told him if he can’t keep it professional with the women he trains then he has to leave me alone for good because one of the ladies brought it to my attention that he was trying to talk to her so he texted me Back and told me not to text his phone anymore so it’s been a week now no contact from him nothing and I haven’t reached out to him. Me and his sister are really close so she was at her moms house yesterday so I went there to see them and he pulls up we didn’t speak nothing. Later that night I noticed he ended up unfollowing me on Instagram after only 2 weeks of following each other on there. Not sure how to feel I’m hurt because I still love him but I’m so confused

  19. Linda

    April 18, 2020 at 11:20 pm

    Hi!

    I broke up with my ex because I caught him in many lies and stuff with other girls. He messaged me early last week that he was sorry for treating me badly in our relationship and I deserve better than who he is right now. He wanted to keep a line of communication open these days. He told me that he was following me on my calendar to see my progress everyday and that he would change and grow into the man he would be for the both of us. I haven’t replied because I was trying to move on and was in a lot of pain and anger. Today I found out he’s unfollowed me on my calendar and deleted our shared notes on one of his accounts. Previously he’s unfollowed my calendar because he told me he was angry and annoyed (times when he broke up with me unlike this time). Is he angry after seeing my many updates? Should I take it as a sign that he’s trying to move on/give up on changing and his reconciliation efforts?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 25, 2020 at 9:25 am

      Hi Linda, I would have told you to stop him from being able to follow your calendar anyway as you do not want him knowing where and who you are with all the time anyway. You need some mystery! I would follow the rules of NC for 45 days and then from there reach out with a text, the fact he got angry by seeing your progress is more that he is just dealing with his own emotions from the break up and possibly angry that you are doing fine without him. I would say he needs a break and this is where NC is important after a break up

  20. Lucy

    April 10, 2020 at 9:06 pm

    This article was very interesting to read! I definitely think my ex is hurt and is trying to get over me. He is the one that broke up with me. After our breakup he wanted to remain friends but it was too hard for me. I needed time to heal. Our whole relationship was great. It was unclear why he broke up with me. We still have lots of love for each other but we are not talking. I don’t know what I can do to let him know I still want to be friends. I still want to be with him but only if this time he commits to me. It’s just strange because there was nothing wrong with our relationship. I think he was just not ready to commit to someone. What do you think? And also I don’t know how to feel about the unfollowing? Does this mean he’s going to move on for good?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 12, 2020 at 7:16 pm

      Hi Lucy, don’t focus on social media movements as this is usually done during emotional times for your ex. So don’t even mention the un-following on SM when you eventually speak with him again. Have you spent any time following the rules of the No Contact? If not then start now 30 days and do not watch any of his SM for now. Work on your Holy Trinity and then when you are at day 31 you can reach out with a text or other type of message you prefer to speak with him, about something you know he is interested in and would have a short positive conversation, making sure you are the one to end the conversation first

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