Breakups make people do strange things.
You’re heartbroken and discombobulated. You (or your ex) will question if the right decision was made. The person with whom you have shared so many things was suddenly plucked out of your life.
I’m sure that’s how you feel right now: as though there is a gaping hole in your life the size of a crater when the meteorite that was your breakup hit your life. Punched you in the gut. Slapped you in the face.
You’re in shock.
And guess what?
Chances are, your ex feels that way too, even if he was the one who broke up with you.
Unless your ex was the biggest jerk in existence, in which case you probably should reconsider your attempts to get him back and move on for good, chances are that he is going through the same things that you right now. In fact, he may be experiencing greater pain since breaking up with someone definitely takes courage.
Even if he may not show it or express it, he is probably wondering if he did the right thing.
That being said, it’s normal that after a breakup, you and/or your ex may behave in ways that are different from what you’re familiar with.
And let’s not forget that there are TONS of articles on managing breakups, which can be really baffling if you’re too emotional to process anything rationally. Not only do you have your emotions to deal with, you also have friends, family, and the Internet trying to tell you what to do.
How does that NOT drive anything crazy?!
Before diving into reasons your ex may have unfollowed you on social media, I’d like to point out a few things you shouldn’t post on social media:
- NO sad posts about broken relationships and breakups
- NO angry posts about how terrible men are
- NO pensive posts about love or how ideal relationships should be
You may ask,
“Why not? This is exactly how I feel!”
That may be true, but doing any of those things come across as desperate, which is certainly NOT the position from where you will re-attract your ex! Trust me when I say that even if the quote or picture or song or movie resonated strongly with you, it is important to refrain from posting them on social media.
You want to show your ex that you are “moving on.” Now, if you’re thinking in your head that you DON’T actually want to move on from your ex (that’s why you’re here, isn’t it?), know that some of the best strategies involve the idea of “moving on without moving on.”
Having said that, those angry and sad posts do not paint the picture of someone who has moved on. Rather, they paint the picture of a desperate and heartbroken person who is still hung up over her ex and can’t move on with life.
Unfortunately, even if you really are feeling the desperation of wanting your ex back and the heartache from the breakup, social media is the last place you should vent these feelings.
What, then, should you post?
You should post things that the Ungettable Girl would post.
What’s an Ungettable Girl? Good question.
Alright, now that we have established what you should and should not post, let us jump into why your ex-boyfriend might have unfollowed you on social media.
Reason 1: It still hurts him to see you (and your photos)
He’s hurt either by you or by having to see your photos.
If you’re being UG, you are probably – and if not, you should – posting pictures of you having fun.
You seem to be moving on just fine without him.
You are trying out and doing cool things without him.
You are making new friends.
In his head, he will also be thinking, “Is she also dating someone new?”
And this thought bothers him, despite the fact that he might have been the one to initiate the breakup instead of you. It bothers him that while he’s still processing the breakup and trying to make sense of his feelings, there you are . . . looking so beautiful and being so amazing.
Since it’s too painful for him to see photos of you or know what you’re doing, he wants to get the image of you out of his head. He believes that since you are moving on, he has to learn to move on as well. And the best way he can do this is by unfollowing you.
It is possible that his friends are telling him to do the same, but remember . . .
Him unfollowing you isn’t about you at all.
It is a reflection of him and where he is at.
Does this mean anything at all?
What it does mean is that you have had a big enough impact on him that he cannot bear to look at your profile because
- it hurts too much
- it gets under his skin/annoys him/angers him
- is obviously hindering him from moving on
In his mind, you have broken up and he has lost you, so the next best thing he can is to try and move on. But, if you keep popping up on his news feed, there’s no way he can move on. Besides, his friends and family are probably telling him the same thing.
Maybe they are even telling him to delete you from social media.
But there’s probably a part of him that isn’t ready to do that just yet.
Your ex is wrestling with his emotions and going through his own weird battle.
In the end, he did the only thing he knew how to, and unfollowed you on social media.
Reason 2: He is trying to get a reaction out of you
Men can be pretty darn immature, and the immaturity can manifest itself pretty strongly in circumstances such as a breakup.
This is why even when it is difficult to do, you should not panic over the things your ex-boyfriend does after breaking up with you, such as dating a new person or doing something you never thought he would do.
When it comes to social media, he may have unfollowed you to:
- see how fast you notice
- when you do notice, he wants to see you react
It boils down to how much reactivity they can trigger out of you because reactivity = control.
Some guys will do this even if they start talking to or dating a new girl.
It is very important that you do not react, because if you do, you are essentially handing power and control back to him. You are sending the message, “I am carefully watching you because I am still obsessed over every move you make.”
Ask yourself if you were ever a text GNAT.
Because if you were, freaking out or confronting your ex the moment you found out he unfollowed you on social media can be detrimental to your chances of getting him back. He already experienced you blowing up his phone with endless text messages and phone calls, begging him to get back together. He might have even experienced you showing up at his place.
You were out of control.
You were emotional.
None of those memories were positive, unfortunately.
That is why any negative emotional reaction on your part can ruin your chances of getting him back. If you freaked out and started demanding why he unfollowed you, those negative memories can be triggered. He will be reminded of how you were, and he will think, “She hasn’t changed one bit. Now I remember why we broke up.”
Even if he was being a jerk, and trying to bait you to get a reaction out of you, then I can’t tell you how important it is to hold your ground and lift your head high. Show him that you’re not affected by him unfollowing you on social media. And consider if you even want him back.
After all, do you really want to be with someone who doesn’t value you and only wants to mess with your emotions?
Reason 3: His new girlfriend made him do it
I know that’s not what most women want to hear, especially if they want to get their exes back, but it’s true and it’s very possible that the new woman he’s dating made him do it.
If this is the case, that’s good news.
It means that you’re a threat to her, and she wants to eliminate you.
Maybe she senses that he’s still not over you, and is trying to force that process.
Whatever her reason may be, she is feeling threatened by you. She doesn’t want him to look at your photos and see how amazing you have become. At any rate, there is a high chance that she is a rebound and you have very little to fear. The new relationship, especially if they started dating shortly after your breakup, will go up in flames without you having to lift a finger.
Do you hear the good news?!
When it comes to your ex and his rebound, you don’t have to do anything!
Let things unfold naturally. But this doesn’t mean you get to be complacent.
You should definitely continue posting pictures of your new self on social media, and to the extent which you are comfortable, make your posts public.
He will stalk, even if she made him unfollow you.
Remember, it is mission-critical that you take this time during the No Contact period to be the Ungettable Girl. But being the UG isn’t something that you do only during NC or only until you get your ex back.
You can’t fake it, because trust me, your ex will notice.
To be the UG, you have to truly take the time to work on and transform yourself. It’s not a superficial change; it’s a real change.
To recap, there are several reasons your ex unfollowed you on social media. They are:
- He is still hurting and processing the breakup
- He is trying to get a reaction out of you
- He was forced to do so by his new girlfriend
Reasons #1 and #2 show that you still affect him, and this is precisely what you would hope for.
Even though Reason #3 is unpleasant, chances are that his new relationship is a rebound relationship, and he is trying his best to impress her. With this new girl, he is experiencing the honeymoon stage of the relationship.
During this time, you should definitely channel what I would call your “UG-ness” and subtly remind him through social media that you are a woman of high value and you are currently living this amazing life post-breakup.
You may think, “Wait! But he’s already unfollowed me! How do I use social media to demonstrate my UG-ness?”
As I have mentioned before, he will naturally become curious at some point.
What is she up to? Has she been dating anyone new? Is she doing anything fun?
He will be wondering about these questions, and probably a ton of other questions as well.
This is why it is encouraged that you keep some of your social media posts public. However, you should only do it to the extent which you are comfortable.
If you think there are things that people such as your boss should never see or find out, then put yourself first and keep those posts private!
If you do not want everyone to see certain posts, then you should definitely keep them private.
But . . . what about that cute picture of you holding a puppy?
Or maybe that picture of you being a real badass at tennis?
Or that post about the super cool promotion you were offered at your job?
It’s about striking a balance, and when you post anything on social media, especially if you are going to make the post public, definitely do a quick check and ask yourself two seemingly simple but considerably important questions:
- Will this post hurt/harm me in any way? (e.g. Is this something I should keep private so that my employer won’t see?)
- Is this a UG post?
(This post was written by Carmen Khoo)