It never fails, the second you stop thinking about him, he calls, or texts or… post an old pic of the two of you on social media.
Hashtag Good Memories
But, when you are trying to make it through No Contact and are already having trouble trying to focus on doing things that have nothing to do with your ex, having your ex stir up emotional memories can be a right kick in the teeth.
And as anyone would, you’ve probably been asking yourself the one question any sane person would.
Why would she do that? Why would she bring that up?
Well, there are a few things that could be behind it. Most of them are… not so good.
He’s Trying to Get Your Attention
This is common when you are right in the middle of No Contact and it’s started to sink in that you aren’t chasing him, even worse you’re ignoring him. An immature guy will lash out in all sorts of ways to force you to pay attention to him.
I’ve even seen guys go as far as to make it their profile pic or TAG their exes in the picture. This is an extremely manipulative move. By giving in to this you would be handing control over the direction your relationship goes over to him.
He Heard You Were Dating
If you’ve recently started going on dates or you’ve started spending time with someone he sees as a threat, it’s likely that he’s trying to stake his claim. He’s basically putting a big sign on your face that says “I was here first!!” It’s childish but… Hey, odds are your ex is dealing with some pretty hectic emotions right about now. Not that that excuses his actions. It just has a tendency to override reason.
He’s Trying to Start Something
If he knows that you will be opposed to him reaching out in any manner, for example, you discussed a clean break or some time apart when you split, then it’s likely he’s trying to get you to act in an unreasonable manner.
I had an ex do this a while back and luckily I’m not the type to overreact. The goal is to get you to overreact in a manner that makes you out to be the bad guy.
Again, this type of person is MANIPULATIVE. It’s best to build up distance and stick with it… for pretty much forever or at least a few years till he matures a little.
He Was Thinking About the Good Times
Facebook has this neat little feature where it reminds you what you were doing on this day in the past. It’s a pretty cool feature unless you come face to face with a ton of pictures where you were happy with someone.
If you are in a place where you are a little down emotionally it can easily seem like the person in the pictures is happier. I mean, most times they are.
If my grandmother taught me anything (and she taught me a lot) it was that people are prettiest when they are happy. So, it’s likely that he just wanted to put up a good memory.
He Just Thought He Looked Really Good
The fact that you were in the pic didn’t even strike him as odd. That was right at that time when he was cutting at the gym and he looked great. It may simply have nothing to do with you. The odd fact about most guys is that they can have the highest IQ out there and still be absolutely clueless.
How Do You Feel
Well, I suppose how you react will greatly depend on how you feel about the situation. I mean, clearly, it bugs you out a little, but do you hate it? Is it something you absolutely CAN’T stand. Think about this. Ponder it. Where do you stand?
If You Want Him Back
If you want him back, my suggestion is to leave it be, especially if you are still in No Contact. This is a good thing if you want him back. It proves that he’s thinking about you and those thoughts are good thoughts!
If you go at him aggressively (especially if you break No Contact to do it) you will be kicking yourself later. Any kind of aggression will make him start associating you with negative feelings.
My suggestion is do nothing. That’s right. Nothing.
Focus on the ExBoyfriend Recovery Program.
If You’re Afraid of What People Might Think
Well, one, whatever you are thinking, you have to realize that the two of you are no longer together. So, when he does stupid things, they no longer reflect on you. They reflect on him.
If you helped make sure he was presentable when you went out together and he’s off looking like a ragamuffin now, that makes him look like an oaf. And on top of that, silly for not picking up some knowledge while you were together.
If you continue to be upset by other people’s opinions, then you do have a couple options outside of doing nothing. Firstly, you can report the photo to Facebook. But unfortunately, if you click the “This picture is of me and I don’t like it” link, it will redirect to a message basically telling you to reach out and ask him to take it down.
Or… you could just reach out and ask him to take it down. As I said before if you want to get back together and you are in the middle of No Contact, reaching out would reset No Contact. So, how important is what people think? Can it wait till you reach out and re-establish contact?
I’d just wait if it were me, but that’s just me. This one, however, it’s up to you.
If You Want Nothing to Do With Him
If you have no intentions of getting back together with him, then you definitely should send him a message asking him to remove it.But, no matter how you feel, if you send him a message to ask this, it will need to be carefully worded. Trust me I have a few exes I want NOTHING to do with and reaching out them isn’t on my list of urgent things to do.
But, no matter how you feel, if you send him a message to ask this, it will need to be carefully worded.
So, let’s talk about this for a second. What is it we want to achieve?
We want him to take down the picture, right?
We don’t want to start a fight or re-establish a connection… yet. We have one objective, to get that photo down!
So, how will you go about it?
Call? Text, Message on Facebook,
Text?Message on Facebook,
Message on Facebook?
What do you think?
Well, let’s say he posted it on Facebook… Facebook Messenger then.
…On Twitter? Message him via Twitter.
…On Instagram? Message him through Instagram.
If you do it this way, then I suggest you take this approach.
Hey, I just saw the picture you posted of us. I’m a little uncomfortable about that being up now that we aren’t together.
If you’d rather be a little more direct, you can just shoot him a quick text and say,
Hey, I just saw that pic you posted of us. And even though I like the picture, it makes me feel uncomfortable having it up since we aren’t together.
What it boils down to is that it’s his social media, he’s entitled to put whatever he wants on it. It would require legal action to MAKE him take it down, and that’s just silly. Move on. Keep working on becoming the Ungettable Girl during No Contact.
If you haven’t gotten to that stage in Ex Recovery Pro, the Ungettable Girl is exactly what it sounds like.
No Contact has the potential to be the most boring thing on the planet. You basically spend up to 45 days waiting to reach back out to them.Think about it!
Think about it!
It drives me nuts trying not to text a guy back immediately. 45 days is a nightmare. You have to fill it up with something else.
So, you know this guy best. Spend that time becoming someone who is out of his league.
With a goal like that, who could possibly get bored?!
I once read an article that said that there were set things that put you out of his league that were put on the list by ACTUAL guys.
Ready? Because we are going to run through them pretty quickly now that we’ve covered the possible reasons your ex is posting your mug on his social media.
You’ve Got Options – Don’t sit at home pining. Go about your life.
You Aren’t a Bore – If a guy thinks you are more interesting than he finds himself, then it’s understandable that he will think you can do better. Everyone likes excitement and the adrenaline it brings. If you are exciting then you clearly need someone who can “take you higher”, so-to-speak.
You’re Hot and Personable – It’s not often you meet someone who is hot and has character AND personality. If you turn out to be a unicorn like that then it’ll be like staring at the sun for him.
Street Cred – If everyone around says you are too good for him and he doesn’t have a chance with you, guess what he’s going to want to do? Right?! Once someone tells you can’t do or have something, you are going to want it all the more.
Confidence – I think we all know that confidence is attractive. Learning to control how you carry yourself can affect all of the men around you, not just your ex. It’ll have
Think about any movie in which there is a transformation that happens. Yeah, they take away her glasses, fix her hair, and give her some new clothes. But the real transformation is how she carries herself.
Here… some examples:
I know they’re just actresses but think about what the director had to tell them from pre-transition to post-transition.
Pre – No hygiene upkeep (let those eyebrows get super bushy), wardrobe has to fit improperly, and the most prevalent thing… poor posture. They all slouch before.
Post – Carry themselves upright and with good posture, carry themselves with grace (Just ask Mia), and their makeup and wardrobe are made/chosen to fit them properly.
Basically simply taking care of yourself, and paying attention to your appearance can change the way you carry yourself. Going after your personal goals and at least making headway on them, if not accomplishing them, will make you even more confident.
You Get The Picture; Let’s Review
Okay, so unless you are ready to start a fight that might cut him out of your life for good, you might as well just let him look like a DoDo no matter what his reasons are for posting a picture of you. The only reason to risk it by asking him to take it down is if it is causing serious rifts in your other relationships or you are completely done with him anyway.
Instead of letting little things like that derail you, use them to empower you and spur you forward not only towards getting him back but towards achieving any goals you have in your own life.
So many of the girls I talk to that are trying to get their ex back let their ex be their sole motivation. If you do that, it’s easy to get distracted by what they are doing. I mean, when you want them back, it’s likely that you take how it will affect them with every move you make. This leaves you making moves that affect you negatively.
If you have something else driving you, you are more likely to come out of the situation with much less damage.