I figured we would switch gears for this particular podcast episode and answer one of the most asked questions that I get, almost on a daily basis and that is why does my ex view my Snapchat and Instagram stories?

So in this particular episode I’m going to answer many different questions.

  • How often do exes watch via social media after a breakup?
  • Does it mean anything when they view your Snapchat and Instagram stories?
  • When it does mean something.
  • the reasons for why an ex will view your Snapchat and Instagram stories.
  • And finally how you should be using Snapchat and Instagram throughout the process that we’ve created?

But before we actually start worrying about social media and how to handle it and what it means and if it means something, you need to figure out a starting point with how to handle your breakup. Right?

The Right Starting Point For You After A Breakup

Breakups can make us feel many different things.

Some people want to get their exes back immediately. Some people don’t want anything to do with their exes. If you’re in that sort of crossroads, I’ve got great news for you. I’ve put together a special resource, a quiz designed to tell you what kind of chance you have of getting your ex back. So you can make a determination on if you should be trying to get them back or if you should be trying to move on if that’s what you want to do.

There’s nothing worse, believe me, than wasting your time trying to get an ex back.

So take the quiz on my website to help determine what you should be doing and it will give you the best next steps for how to approach your particular situation.

Now, there’s many different ways to find out how to take the quiz.

If you’re actually reading the show notes of this episode, I will literally link the quiz in the show notes.

It’s pretty simple, you just click a button on your mouse or on your phone. If you’re listening to this on iTunes or Stitcher or any other podcast place, all you’re going to have to do if you want to go take our quiz is go to our homepage, go to our website, www.exboyfriendrecovery.com.

And if you’re watching this on YouTube because I’ve now started uploading these videos or these podcast episodes into YouTube, all you’re going to have to do is look in the description link below the YouTube video and click on it.

With that out of way, let’s start talking about why exes view Snapchat and Instagram stories.

And probably the easiest or best way to approach this situation is by tackling the question, how often do exes watch you via all social media platforms after a breakup?

How Often Will Exes Watch You Via All Social Media Platforms?

And contrary to popular belief, it’s actually the social norm.

I’ve done research on this with my own clients and research backs me up. There was actually one very, very fascinating study done by a graduate student that found that over 88% of people after a breakup will Facebook stalk their exes.

Now, Facebook stalking is not so much a thing anymore because there’s so many privacy features on Facebook nowadays. But what’s important is the intent of the behavior. There’s a need, an inherent obsessive, addictive quality to watching what your ex is up to via social media, spying on your ex via social media, and before you sit there and think, well, my ex blocked me. Well my ex wouldn’t care about things like that.

I can personally attest to so many stories I’ve heard of exes going to mutual friends and using their social media profiles to spy on what you’re up to.

So, and it also really makes sense when you’re looking at it from the lens of viewing Snapchat and Instagram stories. If your ex hasn’t blocked you or unfollowed you, then your stories are more likely to show up in his feed. And if that happens, it’s only natural for him to want to watch it. I mean, I would. So this is actually why so many exes will block or unfollow you to begin with.

They can’t stand the constant reminders of your presence. So they actually sit there and block you to A, stop thinking about you, and stop feeling the pain that is associated with the breakup. So it’s important to understand that this social norm, it’s normal, but does it mean anything? And if so, what does it mean?

Does An Ex Viewing Your Snapchat And Instagram Stories Mean Anything?

So in my opinion, it doesn’t really mean much.

You can quote it, you can put that in bold lettering.

“In my opinion, nine times out of ten it doesn’t mean much.”

There is one singular exception when you’re looking at Snapchat and Instagram stories. But before I talk about that, let’s talk about why I believe it doesn’t mean too much. People read way too much into this and it doesn’t always have to mean something. So I always view an ex watching your Snapchat or Instagram stories as normal behavior, since it is a normal behavior.

So the only difference with Snapchat and Instagram is that it gives you the ability to directly see who’s viewing your stories. Right? This isn’t really possible with a website or app like Facebook or Twitter. Maybe there is, Twitter. I’m not really sure. I’m not real well versed in Twitter. I don’t know how many people really use Twitter for dating. I mean, I’m sure it exists, but most times they won’t let you see who’s watching your stories or your feeds or your post or viewing your profile. This isn’t LinkedIn, right?

So what’s interesting about it is because Snapchat and Instagram gives you the ability to view someone’s stories and make them aware of that fact, it’s getting a light shone onto it.

And it sort of creates all of these questions on if it means something and what does it mean? But ultimately it’s just a difference of visibility, right? The normal behavior we know, close to 90% of people will spy on their exes after a breakup.

They have many different ways of doing this.

Some people use Snapchat and Instagram, some people use Facebook, some people use any other dating apps or WhatsApp or things that they’re sort of looking at after the breakup. Or was the norm throughout their relationship.

But when you take that behavior, the only difference between Snapchat and Instagram and a website like Facebook or an app like Facebook is that it just gives you visibility on who’s spying on you. Right? Facebook doesn’t do that.

So I mean your ex could be spying on you through Facebook just as much, but since it doesn’t give you the ability to see if they’re spying on you or not, you would never know. But Snapchat and Instagram does. So obsessing too much about the meaning of what I consider to be a normal behavior can lead you to look extremely insecure and desperate.

Don’t be the girl that asks your ex, “Hey, why did you view my story?” It almost proves to them that you’re thinking about them and you ultimately lose your value. And I actually have a personal story to share with this.

My Embarrassing Personal Story

So when I grew up, Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, they weren’t really in existence. They didn’t exist. The big social media platform that everyone used was Myspace, which isn’t even a thing anymore. But Myspace was famous for having these profiles that you could create much like Facebook, but anytime you would go onto someone’s profile, you could also have music accompanying that profile, right.

And so when I was a high schooler, right, I wasn’t really savvy with the normal dating behaviors of today and didn’t sort of grow into the human being that I am right now. I would obsess about this anytime I would like a girl. Right. So I remember there was this one specific girl who was named Dani, right? D-A-N-I, right. She was this very, very beautiful blonde girl. And I had a huge crush on her, right. And her brother and my brother were both friends. They were both younger brothers for both of us.

And my brother one day came home from their house and said,

“Hey, so-and-so’s sister said that you look hot.”

It was the first time a girl had ever called me hot and I just, it blew my mind. So immediately I friended her on Myspace and just started sort of chatting back and forth. And what was fascinating about this was I became so addicted and obsessed about trying to win this girl that I would obsess about everything that she was posting on her wall, everything that she was posting, even from music. And I remember one specific thing.

When her and I first started talking, I was so obsessed and maybe so insecure because I had never had a girlfriend in my entire life. She ended up, like a day or two after we started talking, she ended up changing her music accompanying her Myspace profile to the Red Hot Chili Peppers song and Dani California.

Well, I took this to mean, oh my God, it has to mean something about me when in reality her name is Dani and the song is called Danny California. And she looked just sort of like some California model would. Right?

And so it made me, when I actually started approaching her about it, I said, “Hey, but you changed your music. It has to mean something related to me.”

She never talked to me again ever. I mean, that was it. Super embarrassing. So here’s my point. Don’t be that girl to your ex. You lose your value completely. Now I did mention something about, well there’s one specific situation or scenario where it does mean something if your ex is viewing your Snapchat and Instagram stories, and I’d like to talk a little bit about what that situation is.

The One Exception Where An Ex Viewing Your Snapchat Or Instagram Stories Means Something

In my opinion, the only exception when I think an ex viewing your Snapchat or Instagram stories means something is if they watch every single story that you put out over the course of like a month. Right?

But I don’t think this says anything about them, like they have to have you back.

I think it says more about their addictive nature and ability to obsess about what you’re up to.

In essence, you’re winning the breakup if they’re obsessing so much that they’re watching every single thing that you put out. So now that we kind of understand, well okay, it means a little something.

They’re sort of obsessed with thinking about you, they haven’t gotten over the breakup yet. I think that’s ultimately what it says. Now that we know that, what are some of the reasons exes will view your Snapchat and Instagram stories?

Legitimate Reasons Exes View Your Snapchat Or Instagram Stories

In my opinion there’s three reasons exes will view your stories on social media.

  1. Curiosity
  2. Anger
  3. Habit

Let’s look at all three of those reasons and dig deeper.

Curiosity

The first one I think is pretty self explanatory. They’re curious. Curiosity, right? It’s sort of like you go through this breakup, you’ve poured your heart and soul into maybe this relationship and you’re just kind of curious to see what they’re up to. Even I, now, even my wife gets curious about what her ex is up to.

And I remember the other day I was thinking, I wonder what my old ex is up to. And of course I had blocked her and she still remains block to this point, but every once in awhile I kind of wonder what she’s up to. If she got married, if she has any kids like I did. I’d want the best for her.

I’m just a nice guy like that. My wife kind of thinks about that sometimes. How can you not? I think it’s human nature to be curious about something like this, but it’s not the only reason for why exes will view your Snapchat and Instagram stories.

Anger

The second reason is anger. Have you ever been so angry? There’s like this, when you’re obsessed and addicted to watching someone’s Snapchat and Instagram stories, you’re almost as obsessed to the feeling of anger. As weird as this sounds, some men will literally get into the habit of watching her Snapchat and Instagram stories because it makes them angry and they like to feel like they have the moral high ground, right?

I can’t tell you how often I’ve heard exes say something when they’re at complete fault for the breakup. But they like to paint themselves as the victim because their ex made them feel this certain way, and it’s their fault and they kind of like to get sort of angry.

They like to be angry for the sake of being angry.

I can also attest to doing this. There was a breakup I had where I literally would watch their posts on Facebook and get angry just because. Not sure I even have a reason or can even peel back the layers. Is that a healthy thing to do? Absolutely not. Absolutely not. But it’s also not the only reason for why an ex will view your Snapchat or Instagram stories.

Habit

There’s a third reason and that’s habit. Let’s say that you’ve opened up a Snapchat, Instagram story two or three times, right? And that curiosity just kind of keeps you coming back for more and more and more. Next thing you know, you’ve gotten into the habit of watching their stories because you can’t stop the habit essentially.

In my opinion, those are the main reasons for why exes will view your Snapchat and or Instagram stories, but how should you be using Snapchat and Instagram? Where does social media stuff like this fall in the overall process that I and my team have created? Should I say my team and I, that’s a better way of putting it. Makes me sound less important, which I like.

How Should You Be Using Your Snapchat And Instagram Stories After A Breakup?

So if you didn’t know, we are really, really trying to push this new way of looking at things. Right? And that’s always using the no contact rule. If you don’t know what the no contact rule is, hop by our website and read articles about it. Or if you bought a product or did a coaching session with me or one of my coaches, you should know what the no contact rule is. But essentially there’s three phases throughout the sort of get your ex back, or get over your ex process.

That’s before the no contact rule, during the no contact rule, and after the no contact rule. So where does social media fall or Snapchat and Instagram fall throughout the process, the overall process that we are famous for creating?

Well it’s going to fall in two areas: during no contact and after no contact.

Right?

So you should be using social media like Snapchat and Instagram stories in a specific way during the no contact rule and after the no contact rule. So the obvious next question is, well, what is that way?

How should you be using Snapchat and Instagram stories? Well, I want you to use it as a way of determining if your ex is keeping tabs on you. Think of the technology that Snapchat and Instagram has created as a scientist would. You can perform different experiments to see what types of things your ex is watching.

You can chart them and then do more to get his addictive side working. Right. This is especially important for people who want to get their exes back, who want to stay relevant during a no contact rule when they’re so worried of an ex not remembering who they are. Which is an irrational fear to begin with because you just went through a breakup and you’re doing a no contact rule. They’re not going to forget you in 30 days. Right.

But if you’re worried, one way that you can sort of stay in touch with them indirectly is by using Snapchat and Instagram and posting stories, just to see if they are watching those stories. And what’s interesting is I’ve actually had people in our private Facebook support group who do this, who literally use Snapchat and Instagram as a way, as a litmus test of figuring out what things their ex is interested in.

Maybe they make their story about one thing, they chart to see if he watches and then they do the same thing with a different topic, chart to see if he watches. And if they start to notice patterns developing, hey, he always seems to watch when I’m doing sort of some makeup tutorial or something like that. Or he always seems to watch when I’m doing one of those vlog type situations. I don’t know what you should be using your Instagram stories are.

I’m sure we can come up with specific things you can do.

But ultimately you should use Snapchat and Instagram as a way of charting your ex’s behavior to see what’s getting him to obsess, right. And then making more of that type of content so that you can indirectly stay in touch with him during the no contact rule.

You can also do this after the no contact rule to constantly be on his mind. So ultimately that, in my opinion, is the deal with Snapchat and Instagram stories.

19 thoughts on “What Does It Mean When An Ex Watches My Snapchat And Instagram Stories?”

  1. Avatar

    casa

    December 7, 2019 at 11:03 am

    me and ex was in a long distance, she cheated on me twice and then finally told me, we broke up, its been 2 months and she keeps checking all my insta stories, anything i post she is watching it

  2. Avatar

    Joselyn

    December 5, 2019 at 8:26 pm

    So what does it usually mean if he stops watching your Instagram stories?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 6, 2019 at 6:00 pm

      Hi Joselyn, if this is something he used to do when you were in a relationship I wouldnt over think it. I would focus on making sure you look UG

  3. Avatar

    J

    December 4, 2019 at 12:45 pm

    Hey so I think my ex muted me on Instagram because he started to not watch my story anymore no matter how much I tweaked my story content (Instagram) (it’s day 10 of NC). Does this mean he is moving on?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 4, 2019 at 10:47 pm

      Usually, blocking or muting someone is an emotional reaction after a break up. So most likely they have done it so that they do not see what you’re posting anymore

  4. Avatar

    J

    December 3, 2019 at 5:21 am

    My ex hadn’t view6my snapchat since the break up and then I posted something he would definitely be interested in viewing and after viewing the whole story he deleted me as a friend but kept me on Facebook? I’m I reading into it or? Thank you for any feed back!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 6, 2019 at 6:43 pm

      Hi J so if this is something that would have been interesting to him he more than likely got emotional and deleted you so he didn’t see you doing these things so it is not a bad sign if you want him back.

  5. Avatar

    Olivia

    December 3, 2019 at 3:20 am

    Hi, so my boyfriend had been telling me to leave him alone and give him some space. And I did, for like three days only. And I did gnat at him, accusing him for cheating on me when all he wants is space. The last time I gnat at him, he told me he wants to be alone. He even told me to leave me because he thinks our relationship is toxic now because hes hurting me. After that, he unpinned my photo from Twitter but he didnt deleted our photos. Im not sure if he didnt delete them because he was lazy or it is some sort of indication that he still wants me, even a trace. But I posted an Instagram story and a post lately. He also looked at the story and liked my photo. Is that a good sign? And since he unpinned my photo, should I unpinned his photo from my twitter also?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 6, 2019 at 6:49 pm

      Hey Olivia so dont over thing his social media actions, just take it as a good sign that he is watching your activity. But that’s it, hes just watching. I am going to assume you are not in your no contact phase which means that you need to do NOTHING on twitter that would send him a notification etc. Solely focus on yourself for the time being

  6. Avatar

    Christina

    December 2, 2019 at 3:32 am

    My ex almost made a point of not engaging with my social media (stories and posts) while we dated. Two weeks after he dumped me he liked an insta photo of mine from 6 months ago (prior to us dating) and on the same night he watched 4 videos worth of an instagram story I had up. He continues to watch my stories but hasn’t liked any other photos. It was out of character and also a 2:00am (probably tipsy) like. Curious about your thoughts.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 4, 2019 at 9:17 pm

      Shows you are on your exes mind and its not a bad thing if you wanted to get back together

  7. Avatar

    Marianne

    December 1, 2019 at 6:15 pm

    Hi everyone so im doing NC for almost like a month and i just follow the rules my ex tried to contact me a couple of times , the thing is that yesterday he asked me if i had his hoodie so i thought he wanted back so i told him yes and that my friend can give it to him at school, then he said no its okey i just wanted to know where it is. So im a bit confuse should i start NC again ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 1, 2019 at 10:40 pm

      Hey Marianne, I am afraid so as a hoody is something he could have waited a few days to hear back from you, or just given it to your friend to hand him when she knew she would see him. There is no need to do a 30 day no contact though just add an extra 7 days to how ever many you have left

  8. Avatar

    Carol

    November 29, 2019 at 9:35 pm

    How can I combine the “being there” and the UG methods?
    He needs lots of support (he is struggling with a depression fromm a broken heart and he has anxiety too) but also… Even if he is very attracted to me (he tells me), I feel invisible from time to time, I am VERY afraid of the greener grass (being at distance right now doesn’t help in order to get a chance). I need to shine WAY brighter than the others. He tends to idealize girls (which usually don’t feel the same) and having strong crushes (I was one), so I need to became the best UG ever but at the same time I have to keep being supportive because he needs it and he values it.
    He is emotionally unavailable and gets driven for greener grass without usually get nothing. He is attracted to me in many ways and trusts me. But I need more. So, how can I be a UG to him to dazzle me and still being supportive? I need to be the best one.

    Thank you a lot.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 4, 2019 at 7:41 pm

      Hi Carol, so the being there method, you would do if he had another woman in the situation? So does he have a woman he is dating or more? And to be Ungettable girl, you need to be the woman who he thinks he cant have but every man wants. You have to be independent, also show that you are interesting and doing things that would seem adventurous or something he would want to do.

      During your relationship he would have told you what he likes and dislikes, what he is attracted to it seems is the “chase” so thats something to keep in mind, firstly though you MUST do a no contact

  9. Avatar

    Dee

    November 28, 2019 at 4:45 pm

    I’m almost done with one month of no contact with my ex. He has no social media besides LinkedIn(business profile). Over the past month he has visited my profile on LinkedIn a number of times but recently stopped visiting the profile a week ago. Should I read into that behavior? I don’t post anything on my LinkedIn and it doesn’t give any information besides my resume. I feel as though he wants me to know he’s viewing it?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 28, 2019 at 9:29 pm

      Hi Dee, so he may be going there to see if you have updated your information, but as it is a business page not a social media page I guess he is just doing it as its his only way to check up on you. Do you have mutual friends on social media that he would have seen lately? If so then there is a chance he would have looked at your pages or spoke to those friends about you. If not then I would change your linked in photo or something just so you can see if he has looked at your page again since

  10. Avatar

    Em

    November 22, 2019 at 12:44 pm

    My ex doesn’t have social media so definitely wouldn’t see anything
    I pose. He did have Facebook but deleted it a week after breakup.
    Surely it’s out of sight out of mind?
    He definitely wouldn’t check through friends avenues either.

    Thanks

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 22, 2019 at 10:48 pm

      I still think they get curious and find a way to check on you. But I’m curious as to the age of your ex?

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