Does The No Contact Rule Even Work?

I have been staring at my screen for about five minutes straight trying to find the perfect angle to attack the no contact rule from.

If you hadn’t noticed, lately I have been writing about the no contact rule a lot and I feel like today’s the day to deepen your understanding even further.

But I have to be honest with you, I’ve been coming up blank on finding a no contact rule topic that would interest you.

Well, that’s not entirely true.

You see, while I was having my deer in the headlights look an idea popped into my head.

Wait, why does the no contact rule even work?

I often talk about how great the no contact rule is but it occurred to me that I haven’t ever touched on why it worked.

I mean, if a gun was held to my head and I was told that I had to convince someone to try the no contact rule out how would I convince them?

Well, that’s where this article comes into play.

Here Is How I Am Going To Structure This Article

I thought I would be a little unique today and structure this article a bit differently than you are used to.

You see, it occurred to me that if someone is going to go to Google and type in “will the no contact rule even work?”

screen-shot-2016-11-28-at-11-14-17-am

They have to be having serious doubts about whether or not to even use it.

So, instead of approaching this article as if I were explaining the benefits of the no contact rule I have decided that I am going to approach this article like I am trying to convince someone who is super skeptical about it.

Get it?

So, let’s pretend that you are someone who doesn’t want to use the no contact rule on your ex.

What would I have to say to convince you to start using it?

(Because in case you hadn’t noticed, it’s kind of an important thing to try out. )

Let’s begin!

The No Contact Rule Is Universal

A lot of people don’t know this but I actually recommend the no contact rule in just about every breakup situation.

Now, what do you think I mean by that?

Well, most of the women who end up on this website have one goal in mind,

They want to get their exes back at any cost

In fact, many women are so desperate for results that they literally throw themselves at my feet begging me to give them the “magic bullet” to win their ex back?

And as much as it pains me to say this,

There is no magic bullet.

It’s at this point that I let them in on my overall strategy for getting an ex back (which includes the no contact rule.)

Now, not to toot my own horn but I have been lucky enough to see some pretty amazing results with this strategy,

But I am getting way off topic here.

A big part of the strategy that I teach to get over an ex utilizes the no contact rule. However, someone who is going to try out my strategy is clearly in a space where they want to get their ex back. It never crosses their mind that the no contact rule can also be used to get over an ex.

Hence the title of this section.

The no contact rule is truly universal.

A few weeks ago I was asked by a reporter from The Cheat Sheet for my take on “The Honeymoon Period.”

My response to her was pretty darn simple,

During the honeymoon period your body is overflowing with oxytocin. In fact, every time you see your significant other oxytocin gets released and almost reinforces the good feeling that emphasizes the honeymoon period. Thus, your body is training you to fall in love every single time you see your significant other.

Now, why am I telling you this story?

Well, it’s important to realize that the no contact rule is really your best bet to counteract the chemicals being released by your body.

Think about it for a minute.

How do most people handle a breakup?

Well, they do everything they possibly can to get their ex back.

They obsess over him…

They cry over him…

Spy on him…

Stalk him…

Call him a million times…

All of these types of behaviors can trigger memories that cause Oxycontin to be released.

Therefore, it becomes more and more difficult to get over an ex.

However, when you utilize the no contact rule you are doing so with the intention that you aren’t going to obsess over your ex. You aren’t going to spy on him. You aren’t going to stalk him. You won’t call him a zillion times.

You are training your body to be ok without him.

Thus, the no contact rule can actually be used with the intention to get over an ex.

However, like I have already mentioned.

Most of you reading this article don’t care about that.

Instead, you care about the components of how the no contact rule can help you win your ex back.

Let’s take a look at that.

What Makes The No Contact Rule Work

There are really three main components that make the no contact rule such an effective strategy to use on your ex.

  1. Reactance
  2. Improvement
  3. Breaking Addiction

Now, if none of these “components” make sense to you then that is completely ok.

That’s what I am here for.

Of course, before we start getting into specifics it might be important to actually define what the no contact rule is.

I have a very different approach to the no contact rule than you might think.

You see, most experts out there will tell you that you should only use the no contact rule as a way to make your ex miss you and while it can certainly do that it’s a little bit shortsighted.

Here is how I define the no contact rule,

The No Contact Rule: A period of time where you ignore your ex (except in certain circumstances) with the intent of make him miss you while at the same time giving yourself an opportunity to improve yourself and break your addiction of thinking about him too much.

Whew…

Deep breath…

That was a lot.

Now, when you look at that definition can you pick out where the three components that I was talking about above come into play?

Here, I’ll make this easy for you,

three-components

But what do they mean?

What is the purpose behind these three components?

Why do they even work?

Well, let’s talk about each of the components individually and break them down from there.

Component One: Reactance

Reactance is a psychological principle.

I believe the exact definition looks a little like this,

Reactance- is a motivational reaction to offers, persons, rules, or regulations that threaten or eliminate specific behavioral freedoms. Reactance occurs when a person feels that someone or something is taking away his or her choices or limiting the range of alternatives.

But what does this even mean?

Psychology is such a great thing when it comes to “ex recovery” but the truth is that it’s a bit dry and it can be very overwhelming to someone who isn’t practiced.

So, I am going to do what I do best.

I am going to break it down for you to it’s simplest form.

You like chocolate chip cookies, right?

Well, let’s pretend that I made a whole batch of them and right as you go to reach for one I slap your hand away,

slap-face

Ok, this isn’t exactly a slap on the hand but you get the idea.

“Why did you do that?” you ask me.

“You can’t have these. I made these for only me” I tell you.

By depriving you of eating a cookie I am essentially taking your freedom away to have cookies. So, in turn the cookies begin to look more appealing to you and you start to take specific actions to sneak a cookie behind my back.

Why?

Simple, because when I took your freedom away you are likely to react in a way to try to get that freedom back.

Now, let’s apply this same principle to something simple like the no contact rule.

By ignoring your ex completely except in those specific circumstances you are depriving him of his freedom to talk to you. So, it stands to reason that he is going to react in a way to try to get his freedom back.

The end result is that he is going to take specific actions in line with HIM missing you.

Of course, most people who recommend the no contact rule do it for this reason alone.

But I find that most of those people don’t have an understanding of WHY the no contact rule makes an ex miss you.

But the Ex Recovery Team and I have found that this is the least effective component of the no contact rule. It’s actually the people who implement the other two components that have the greatest success when it comes to their exes.

In fact, that’s a perfect segue. Let’s talk about the next component now.

Free On Demand Coaching
Yes, please

Component Two: Improvement

The no contact rule presents you with an opportunity.

Now, I am a huge fan of the acronym FEAR.

(I promise that I’m not reinventing the wheel hear.)

You see, when most people go through a breakup fear takes hold of them.

F- Face

E- Everything

A- And

R- Run

They can’t deal with the pain. So, instead they rely on the “reactance” part of the no contact rule to make everything all better. Unfortunately, that’s not how it works.

Yes, by ignoring your ex boyfriend you can technically raise the chances that he will miss you. However, my team and I have found that the best way to speed that process up is by utilizing FEAR in another way.

F- Face

E- Everything

A- And

R- Rise

Instead of just sitting on your hands hoping that your ex will have this epiphany and come back into the picture I say take a proactive approach.

Why not use the no contact rule as an opportunity to cultivate your life?

Now, I know what you are thinking,

“Ok, but how do I do that?”

Great question, I recently did an interview where I was asked what advice I could give to my younger self.

It took me a while to come up with something but ultimately I came up with my “holy trinity” technique.

If you don’t know what that is then I recommend you check this out.

I will give you a quick crash course though.

If you could divide your life up into it’s three most important aspects you would probably pick,

  1. Health
  2. Wealth
  3. Relationships

Now, the trick with this “trinity” is to find a way to maximize each aspect while achieving a healthy balance.

So, let’s pretend your holy trinity spread looks like this at this very moment,

holy-trinity

Your health seems to be decent but your wealth and relationships have taken a massive hit.

Well, instead of letting this fact break you (like so many people tend to do) let’s look at this as an opportunity for improvement.

Remember, we are very “glass half full” here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery.

So, let’s attempt to get this type of a spread,

holy-trinity

Do you see how everything is maximized and balanced at the same time?

Pretty awesome, right?

Here’s the thing that I left out though.

Getting everything perfectly balanced and maximized is one of the most difficult things I have ever tried in my life.

Why?

Well, in order to fully explain this I first must talk about our most finite resource in the world, time.

As a human beings we only have a certain amount of time that we can dedicate to this process every single day.

Let’s break this down.

1 Day = 24 hours

According to research the average person SHOULD sleep between 6 to 9 hours per night. So, let’s say that you are averaging around 7 hours at night.

All of a sudden our 24 hours of time to work with becomes 17 hours.

After Sleep We Have 17 Hours To Play With

Now, let’s assume that you wanted to work on your holy trinity during this 17 hour period every day.

What would your spread look like?

Well, in a perfect world it would look a little like this,

holy-trinity

Now, some of you may be wondering why I didn’t choose every aspect to have 5 hours across the board.

Well, working on health for 5 hours a day is the type of training that professional athletes are used to and since I don’t think most of you are professional athletes I don’t think you will be able to do that.

The spread above is ideally what you should be shooting for.

Of course, I still haven’t addressed the elephant in the room.

If you recall, we had a total of 17 hours to work with and I have only addressed 12 of those hours with the holy trinity. Why do you think that is?

Well, I want you to have some down time to do whatever you want.

  • Watch a movie
  • Watch tv
  • Play video games
  • Read a book
  • You get the picture

But remember, this spread is only supposed to be happening in a perfect world.

Do we live in a perfect world?

No, absolutely not.

Usually our real spread looks like this,

holy-trinity

We work too much without exercising.

And usually the only time we get to spend cultivating relationships is within our own family. Now, there is nothing wrong with this but sometimes it’s a good idea to meet more people but I am getting way off track here.

My point by showing you these graphics is to highlight how difficult it is to maintain a balance of the holy trinity.

Because putting time into one aspect takes away from another one.

Keep this in mind as you progress.

The Holy Trinity During The No Contact Rule

So, now that you have the nuts and bolts on how the holy trinity works let’s talk a little bit about how it will fit into the no contact rule.

The number one mistake I see women making over and over during the no contact rule is simply relying on component one (reactance) to do all the work when it comes to getting their ex boyfriend back.

After all, how could improving yourself help you get your ex back?

Actually, I would say that if you rely entirely on reactance to do all the work you are taking a huge risk that probably won’t pay off.

Why do I say that?

Well, think of it this way.

Half of the battle with making sure you stay true to the no contact rule is keeping yourself distracted. You see, there are a lot of people who start the no contact rule with the right intentions but the addiction takes over and they end up breaking it.

(Don’t worry, we are going to talk about addiction in a second.)

Utilizing a tactic like the holy trinity during the no contact rule is going to keep you distracted enough to where you will have an easier time staying in no contact.

On top of that, I have always found that the people who go above and beyond with the holy trinity have this really attractive vibe that pays off later on in the process.

But let’s not get off topic here.

We still have another component to talk about.

Component Three: Breaking Addiction

If you are an avid reader of this website then you have probably heard me say,

The part of the brain that becomes active when you go through a breakup is the same part of the brain that lights up in a cocaine addict going through withdrawal.

It’s kind of my go to quote to make people realize how difficult it can be for someone going through a breakup.

I got the quote from renowned anthropologist, Helen Fisher, who once famously compared love to a drug.

Of course, I am often given a difficult task by my clients to find a way to cure the addiction that is a breakup not by moving on but by getting that person back.

Well, one of the things that I have learned in my years here on Ex Boyfriend Recovery is that there is nothing more unattractive than a breakup junkie.

Allow me to expand.

Breakup Junkie- Someone who won’t stop obsessing about their ex to the point that it becomes annoying to them.

I’ll give you an example of a breakup junkie.

Yesterday I got an email from a woman who wanted to hire me as a consultant.

Yay me, right?

Eh…. not so much.

As I read her email she casually explained that she had already hired someone to advise her on how to get her ex back and after months of attempting a campaign this person advised her to try moving on.

That’s when she decided to fire him and look for someone who was going to give her actionable advice directly relating to getting her ex back.

Now, there are a few issues with her situation.

She is clearly obsessed about her ex to the point that she is willing to throw out good advice that could actually help her. You see, the reason I am not taking her on as a client is because I would give her the same type of advice.

Try moving on.

I have actually found that this is the most effective way make your ex want you back after you have turned them off.

I’ll admit, it’s a huge leap of faith for a lot of people. In fact, most scoff at it but the results are undeniable.

The problem with the breakup addict girl I am talking about is that she probably ruined her chances of getting her ex back because she annoyed her ex to the point that he was turned off.

And believe me, it can happen.

It’s not her fault though.

She is just a love addict looking for her fix.

She’s not thinking logically.

And that’s where the no contact rule can come into play.

By essentially imposing a forced time out you can take some time to let the addiction die down.

Hence, that’s why this component is called “breaking addiction.”

	https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/chris-avatar.jpg	

Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter

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572 Comments on "Does The No Contact Rule Even Work?"

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Sandra
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No contact does work.I was in a seemingly great relationship for almost a year when out of nowhere got dumped because the man “needed space”.I was heart broken but didn’t overreact and decided to let it go,no contact.I started concentrating on myself.It was the hardest thing to do but kept to it.A few weeks later I started receiving simple texts like “hi” or “how was your day”.I didn’t respond initially but they kept coming.When I felt like I could respond without getting emotional,I eventually replied on my time . It seemed like he was attempting to friend zone me so… Read more »
Sandra
Guest
No contact does work.I was in a seemingly great relationship for almost a year when out of nowhere got dumped because the man “needed space”.I was heart broken but didn’t overreact and decided to let it go,no contact.I started concentrating on myself.It was the hardest thing to do but kept to it.A few weeks later I started receiving simple texts like “hi” or “how was your day”.I didn’t respond initially but they kept coming.When I felt like I could respond without getting emotional,I eventually replied on my time . It seemed like he was attempting to friend zone me so… Read more »
Christina
Guest
So my ex boyfriend broke my heart 3 weeks ago when he broke up with me. We had been together for a little over a year and half. We got along great, loved each other, I got very close with his family and friends. This was one of his first serious relationships so he has been hesitant throughout our time together when any sort of drama or rift occurs he would retreat. I have been implementing no contact now for 4 days. At first when he broke up with me I begged, pleaded (very pathetic) but I realized he would… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Wouldn’t that be awkward? How would you portray you’re moving forward from him if you’re still expecting to be with him in your birthday? I think it would be better to go there with your friends instead.. Because it looks like you’re holding him up on a promise he made when you were still together.. For me that would be awkward because he just broke up with you.. If you’re still going, dont count this time as no contact.. Do it after meeting him..

Marta
Guest
I would strongly recommend that you don’t go. My boyfriend and I broke up this past Sunday, but I’ve known for about a month it wasn’t working on his end as the same thing happened – I became dependent. I moved to his city so naturally I was dependent and have only been here 2 months (clearly I would rely on him way more considering it’s a foreign city) but like you – it’s as though he finds the dependence unattractive. Not you, but the dependence. He doesn’t find you as valuable anymore because he thinks you will always be… Read more »
Christina
Guest
So my ex boyfriend broke my heart 3 weeks ago when he broke up with me. We had been together for a little over a year and half. We got along great, loved each other, I got very close with his family and friends. This was one of his first serious relationships so he has been hesitant throughout our time together when any sort of drama or rift occurs he would retreat. I have been implementing no contact now for 4 days. At first when he broke up with me I begged, pleaded (very pathetic) but I realized he would… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Wouldn’t that be awkward? How would you portray you’re moving forward from him if you’re still expecting to be with him in your birthday? I think it would be better to go there with your friends instead.. Because it looks like you’re holding him up on a promise he made when you were still together.. For me that would be awkward because he just broke up with you.. If you’re still going, dont count this time as no contact.. Do it after meeting him..

Marta
Guest
I would strongly recommend that you don’t go. My boyfriend and I broke up this past Sunday, but I’ve known for about a month it wasn’t working on his end as the same thing happened – I became dependent. I moved to his city so naturally I was dependent and have only been here 2 months (clearly I would rely on him way more considering it’s a foreign city) but like you – it’s as though he finds the dependence unattractive. Not you, but the dependence. He doesn’t find you as valuable anymore because he thinks you will always be… Read more »
Ash
Guest
Hi, I need some advice in my situation. Recently my ex backtracked on our relationship after a petty fight. He distanced himself for a week, and out of the blue messaged me thathe feels like I pushed the relationship even though he wasn’t over his ex at the time. He told me he couldn’t give any girl he wanted cause his priorities were elsewhere. We talked on the phone and I told him my feelings clearly, and I would appreciate it if we talked about it in person. He agreed but mentioned how he wanted to keep seeing me since… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Ash,

it would be better not to open it because you’re still emotional.

Ash
Guest
Hi, I need some advice in my situation. Recently my ex backtracked on our relationship after a petty fight. He distanced himself for a week, and out of the blue messaged me thathe feels like I pushed the relationship even though he wasn’t over his ex at the time. He told me he couldn’t give any girl he wanted cause his priorities were elsewhere. We talked on the phone and I told him my feelings clearly, and I would appreciate it if we talked about it in person. He agreed but mentioned how he wanted to keep seeing me since… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Ash,

it would be better not to open it because you’re still emotional.

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Nope..you dont need to restart

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Nope..you dont need to restart

Luu
Guest

I’ve completed 30 days of NC (not talking to him), but I got to admit that I still think a lot about him (maybe obsessively), searching a lot of “how to get him back” online and didn’t improve myself much. I mean, I analyzed our relationship and I’m fixing my mistakes (working on being happy without him, not being needy, fixing and organizing my life) . Should I start NC again?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

It’s normal that you would still think about him but you need to improve yourself and be active in posting, so yes, restart nc..

Luu
Guest

I’ve completed 30 days of NC (not talking to him), but I got to admit that I still think a lot about him (maybe obsessively), searching a lot of “how to get him back” online and didn’t improve myself much. I mean, I analyzed our relationship and I’m fixing my mistakes (working on being happy without him, not being needy, fixing and organizing my life) . Should I start NC again?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

It’s normal that you would still think about him but you need to improve yourself and be active in posting, so yes, restart nc..

Katy
Guest
My ex broke up with me a month ago. One day I threatened him about breaking up because he turned distant. The next day I begged for him back but he said no. He said it made him realize that he wasn’t happy anymore and didn’t need to be with anyone (his ex cheated on him and hurt him.) The next few weeks I made the mistake of begging. At times he agreed to thinking about getting back together, and meeting up. After I asked again, he said no. It was a very firm no. He offered to still talk… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

how much are ýou improving yourself and how active were you in posting?

Katy
Guest
Thanks for the reply! I feel like with time I’m getting better. I’m just trying to focus on me… I recently posted a selfie on Instagram and a story of fireworks. He saw my story and he unfollowed me. That was the last social media we followed each other on. Why do you think he did this? If he “lost feelings” how would it matter if he was looking at my life? I would be then just like the hundreds other girls he follows right? All I know is I had some kind of effect on him. Anyway, I’m following… Read more »
Katy
Guest
My ex broke up with me a month ago. One day I threatened him about breaking up because he turned distant. The next day I begged for him back but he said no. He said it made him realize that he wasn’t happy anymore and didn’t need to be with anyone (his ex cheated on him and hurt him.) The next few weeks I made the mistake of begging. At times he agreed to thinking about getting back together, and meeting up. After I asked again, he said no. It was a very firm no. He offered to still talk… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

how much are ýou improving yourself and how active were you in posting?

Katy
Guest
Thanks for the reply! I feel like with time I’m getting better. I’m just trying to focus on me… I recently posted a selfie on Instagram and a story of fireworks. He saw my story and he unfollowed me. That was the last social media we followed each other on. Why do you think he did this? If he “lost feelings” how would it matter if he was looking at my life? I would be then just like the hundreds other girls he follows right? All I know is I had some kind of effect on him. Anyway, I’m following… Read more »
Joni Fryling
Guest
My boyfriend and I broke up 2 weeks ago after being together for 3 1/2 years, it hurt me so bad I tried taking my own life!! The pain is undescribable.. He continued to tell me he loved me up until the day he walked out saying we weren’t compatible and he just didnt see a future for us. We did everything together and had a lot of great times. He is 10 years younger than me, but that didn’t matter when we first started dating… He even said he felt addicted to me, because I made him feel so… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

have you received the extras? do at least 30 days of nc and check this one:
EBR 003: Does Having Your Own Life Help You Get Your Ex Back?

Joni Fryling
Guest
My boyfriend and I broke up 2 weeks ago after being together for 3 1/2 years, it hurt me so bad I tried taking my own life!! The pain is undescribable.. He continued to tell me he loved me up until the day he walked out saying we weren’t compatible and he just didnt see a future for us. We did everything together and had a lot of great times. He is 10 years younger than me, but that didn’t matter when we first started dating… He even said he felt addicted to me, because I made him feel so… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

have you received the extras? do at least 30 days of nc and check this one:
EBR 003: Does Having Your Own Life Help You Get Your Ex Back?

Mariah
Guest
Hey, so my situation is a little unique. My ex and I have known each other for about 7 years. We’ve been through a lot. We were actually together for about 2 and a half years, off and on. We have broken up 3 times and I was always the one to initiate the breakup. The last time I broke up with him was about a year ago and I started seeing someone else, but never lost contact with my ex. We still talked all the time and even slept together occasionally. I ended the thing that I had with… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Mariah,

do at least 30 days and then dont be friends with benefits again.. check this one:
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Moves On To A New Girl (Video)

Mariah
Guest
Hey, so my situation is a little unique. My ex and I have known each other for about 7 years. We’ve been through a lot. We were actually together for about 2 and a half years, off and on. We have broken up 3 times and I was always the one to initiate the breakup. The last time I broke up with him was about a year ago and I started seeing someone else, but never lost contact with my ex. We still talked all the time and even slept together occasionally. I ended the thing that I had with… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Mariah,

do at least 30 days and then dont be friends with benefits again.. check this one:
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Moves On To A New Girl (Video)

Shelby
Guest
Hello team! IMPORTANT QUESTION I am in major need of help and what is the next right move to do. My ex and i dated for about 2 years, been broken up for 3 months now. Unfortunately she has now found a “rebound” and i fear that they may end up in a relationship. Yes i am said she, my ex girlfriend. She has told me she has love for me and misses me but does not think after the ups and down we have been through that it’s a possibility of us getting back together. Of course who doesnt… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

it’s better to do nc because that increase chances.. it helps not to be in the friendzone with her

Shelby
Guest
Hello team! IMPORTANT QUESTION I am in major need of help and what is the next right move to do. My ex and i dated for about 2 years, been broken up for 3 months now. Unfortunately she has now found a “rebound” and i fear that they may end up in a relationship. Yes i am said she, my ex girlfriend. She has told me she has love for me and misses me but does not think after the ups and down we have been through that it’s a possibility of us getting back together. Of course who doesnt… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

it’s better to do nc because that increase chances.. it helps not to be in the friendzone with her

nillie
Guest
hi, i need help. i met a guy and we were friends with benefits for 6 months, while sharing a deep emotional connection and feelings, and weve been throuh a lot together (hes ded passed away this time too). i wanted something serious and he won’t, so it stopped. 3 weeks later i sent him a text asking for him to do an important favor i really needed from him, and on the weekend weve met on coincidence. i just said hello and kept going, i was ignoring his texts and it was driving him CRAZY. he didn’t stop thinking… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

It’s not yet too late.. Even if you didn’t cheat, approach it like you did because that what he thinks..

nillie
Guest
hi, i need help. i met a guy and we were friends with benefits for 6 months, while sharing a deep emotional connection and feelings, and weve been throuh a lot together (hes ded passed away this time too). i wanted something serious and he won’t, so it stopped. 3 weeks later i sent him a text asking for him to do an important favor i really needed from him, and on the weekend weve met on coincidence. i just said hello and kept going, i was ignoring his texts and it was driving him CRAZY. he didn’t stop thinking… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

It’s not yet too late.. Even if you didn’t cheat, approach it like you did because that what he thinks..

Alex
Guest

Hi,

My boyfriend broke up with me a month ago… I begged, cried, acted needy, said things I didn’t mean, bought him gifts, you name it, I did it…

I only started the NC rule a week ago. Will it still work even though it was 3 weeks after the breakup?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

there’s no guarantee that it will but it’s not yet too late

Alex
Guest

Hi,

My boyfriend broke up with me a month ago… I begged, cried, acted needy, said things I didn’t mean, bought him gifts, you name it, I did it…

I only started the NC rule a week ago. Will it still work even though it was 3 weeks after the breakup?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

there’s no guarantee that it will but it’s not yet too late

Vanessia Johnson
Guest
so me and my boyfriend of two months recently ended things a week ago April 8th was our anniversary, he broke things off with me, but anyways I’m just confused at this point because last time I went over to his place ( living together) to collect some of my clothes he stopped me and wanted to talk things out, which me did. He got all emotional ( literally crying) because he felt like he wasn’t good enough for me, long story short he kissed me and said he wanted to start things off slowly, like getting to truly know… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Whether he’ll reach out or not, finish the 30 day no contact period. be active in improving yourself and in posting and then take it slow in building rapport after nc

Vanessia Johnson
Guest
so me and my boyfriend of two months recently ended things a week ago April 8th was our anniversary, he broke things off with me, but anyways I’m just confused at this point because last time I went over to his place ( living together) to collect some of my clothes he stopped me and wanted to talk things out, which me did. He got all emotional ( literally crying) because he felt like he wasn’t good enough for me, long story short he kissed me and said he wanted to start things off slowly, like getting to truly know… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Whether he’ll reach out or not, finish the 30 day no contact period. be active in improving yourself and in posting and then take it slow in building rapport after nc

Ella
Guest

Thank you so much! I got my ex boyfriend back through the proper use of NC. 🙂

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Congrats Ella! Thank you for sharing!

Ella
Guest

Thank you so much! I got my ex boyfriend back through the proper use of NC. 🙂

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Congrats Ella! Thank you for sharing!

jen
Guest
Hi my boyfriend and i broke up about 2.5 weeks ago. He said we became different individuals and he didnt see a future. I asked him if he still had feelings for me, he questioned himself and said he did have the urge to be close to me (we hung out once after we broke up and we still hugged n all, he even said he had the urge to kiss me, but he didnt), but he didnt know if he has had feelings for me left and he thinks its best to be just friends. he said the feelings… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

don’t ask him out right away after nc.. build rapport through texts first, then calls, then neet ups

jen
Guest
Hi my boyfriend and i broke up about 2.5 weeks ago. He said we became different individuals and he didnt see a future. I asked him if he still had feelings for me, he questioned himself and said he did have the urge to be close to me (we hung out once after we broke up and we still hugged n all, he even said he had the urge to kiss me, but he didnt), but he didnt know if he has had feelings for me left and he thinks its best to be just friends. he said the feelings… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

don’t ask him out right away after nc.. build rapport through texts first, then calls, then neet ups

Jessie
Guest

Hi,
I have broken NC in the first 4 days when he contacted me. The next time it was 7 days n next time 5. Do u think it ll work if I start NC again.. How could I stop responding to him when he texts me

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

the more you do it, the less it ca help you.. it’s just really deciding not to reply..because you’re the only one who can control yourself

Jessie
Guest

Hi,
I have broken NC in the first 4 days when he contacted me. The next time it was 7 days n next time 5. Do u think it ll work if I start NC again.. How could I stop responding to him when he texts me

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

the more you do it, the less it ca help you.. it’s just really deciding not to reply..because you’re the only one who can control yourself

Kyp
Guest
So a couple days before I sent that text (after nc) I noticed he had this post about him and her fighting. Well I was originally going to text that day but after seeing it I figured it wasn’t the right time. So I sent it a couple days later. Again no I didn’t get a response but throughout this week it seems like he was posting some of the same stuff as me. Even going to a couple of pages he knows I follow ,but he doesn’t, and shared from there. Normally I don’t pay attention to what people… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

yes, it’s a good sign but dont react it if you want him to communicate better with texts. Just initiate fun conversations.. because if he noticed that you’re looking at his posts and it affects you, he’ll use posts more than talking to you

Kyp
Guest
So a couple days before I sent that text (after nc) I noticed he had this post about him and her fighting. Well I was originally going to text that day but after seeing it I figured it wasn’t the right time. So I sent it a couple days later. Again no I didn’t get a response but throughout this week it seems like he was posting some of the same stuff as me. Even going to a couple of pages he knows I follow ,but he doesn’t, and shared from there. Normally I don’t pay attention to what people… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

yes, it’s a good sign but dont react it if you want him to communicate better with texts. Just initiate fun conversations.. because if he noticed that you’re looking at his posts and it affects you, he’ll use posts more than talking to you

Nia
Guest
My ex has been in a rebound since my depression caused me to break up with him 2 months ago. Depression makes people make poor choices, and I thought I should go back to my previous ex because he would take care of me. That was a dumb idea, he was an ex for a reason. My current ex wanted to be friends and we were getting along great but it hurt because he wanted to date the rebound. I started the no contact and he tried to reach out to me, but when I answered a day later he… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Nia,

you lost the power when you replied to his long message.. that was his way of trying to make you reply to regain the power back..restart the count of 30 days, go back to improving yourself and being active in posting and stick to it..unless he says he wants to get back together

Nia
Guest
He is very stubborn, he unfriended me when I said I can’t be friends when he’s starting a new relationship because I can’t be the person that breaks them up. He would normally not be the person to share his relationship until it’s secure and she has already “facebook officialed” him, one of my friends told me. I feel the more no contact I do, the harder it will be to reconcile, or build rapport, because he will just ignore me and focus on this new girl. He was actually glad when I told him not to be friends because… Read more »
Nia
Guest
Like I’ve read your other articles about staying present in his mind if he has a rebound… But how can I do that if he won’t be looking at my facebook *I know he won’t now that he is focusing on the new girl. Maybe I should be trying harder to move on… I feel like both of us went through a lot of life changing revelations after we broke up and now all that work trying to get him to open up to me, will go to her… He never breaks up with people, so unless he infuriates her… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

just be active in posting so when he gets curious, he has something to see.. If you want to move on, of course we respect that..

Nia
Guest
My ex has been in a rebound since my depression caused me to break up with him 2 months ago. Depression makes people make poor choices, and I thought I should go back to my previous ex because he would take care of me. That was a dumb idea, he was an ex for a reason. My current ex wanted to be friends and we were getting along great but it hurt because he wanted to date the rebound. I started the no contact and he tried to reach out to me, but when I answered a day later he… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Nia,

you lost the power when you replied to his long message.. that was his way of trying to make you reply to regain the power back..restart the count of 30 days, go back to improving yourself and being active in posting and stick to it..unless he says he wants to get back together

Nia
Guest
He is very stubborn, he unfriended me when I said I can’t be friends when he’s starting a new relationship because I can’t be the person that breaks them up. He would normally not be the person to share his relationship until it’s secure and she has already “facebook officialed” him, one of my friends told me. I feel the more no contact I do, the harder it will be to reconcile, or build rapport, because he will just ignore me and focus on this new girl. He was actually glad when I told him not to be friends because… Read more »
Nia
Guest
Like I’ve read your other articles about staying present in his mind if he has a rebound… But how can I do that if he won’t be looking at my facebook *I know he won’t now that he is focusing on the new girl. Maybe I should be trying harder to move on… I feel like both of us went through a lot of life changing revelations after we broke up and now all that work trying to get him to open up to me, will go to her… He never breaks up with people, so unless he infuriates her… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

just be active in posting so when he gets curious, he has something to see.. If you want to move on, of course we respect that..

Nicole
Guest

Hello,
Does the no contact rule work if its the 3rd time that he breaks up with me using the same excuses he says he needs time on his own…needs to focus on school and says he is mad at everything.. he broke up last week and since then he said nothing…..last time he came back after 4 weeks of no contact.
We date for 1 year and 2 months.

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Nicole,

the more you do no contact, the less it can help and if you are on and off that means you have to do a longer one this time, at least 45 days

Nicole
Guest

Hello,
Does the no contact rule work if its the 3rd time that he breaks up with me using the same excuses he says he needs time on his own…needs to focus on school and says he is mad at everything.. he broke up last week and since then he said nothing…..last time he came back after 4 weeks of no contact.
We date for 1 year and 2 months.

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Nicole,

the more you do no contact, the less it can help and if you are on and off that means you have to do a longer one this time, at least 45 days

Francesca
Guest
Hi. I found this website the day after my ex and I broke up. We broke up after we were fighting a lot. I know now that I was the issue. The fights weren’t about anything but I was just unhappy with myself and carried negativity. I recently started counseling to deal with my emotions. I’m on the first week and I am confused on what to do with my ex. I know we have the NC rule and I will follow it but I can’t help but to think about my chances. Everyone says get over it but I… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Francesca,

finish at least 30 days first.. improve first, that’s the most important aspect of it.. if you were the only problem, then use that as motivation to change..

Francesca
Guest
Hi. I found this website the day after my ex and I broke up. We broke up after we were fighting a lot. I know now that I was the issue. The fights weren’t about anything but I was just unhappy with myself and carried negativity. I recently started counseling to deal with my emotions. I’m on the first week and I am confused on what to do with my ex. I know we have the NC rule and I will follow it but I can’t help but to think about my chances. Everyone says get over it but I… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Francesca,

finish at least 30 days first.. improve first, that’s the most important aspect of it.. if you were the only problem, then use that as motivation to change..

Kay
Guest
Ok, so for all you doubting ladies out there, I have some reassurance- this guy truly knows men. After being broken up with by a guy who I embarrasingly grovelled to because I told myself, and him, that my pride wasn’t worth losing him over….and with a guy who once wanted to marry me and who ended up losing some respect for me when my insecurities took hold of the relationship, this same guy who had complete control over the breakup, has since texted me 3 days and called once all over a period of the first 6 days of… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Kay,

Im happy for you! Thanks for sharing!

Kay
Guest
Ok, so for all you doubting ladies out there, I have some reassurance- this guy truly knows men. After being broken up with by a guy who I embarrasingly grovelled to because I told myself, and him, that my pride wasn’t worth losing him over….and with a guy who once wanted to marry me and who ended up losing some respect for me when my insecurities took hold of the relationship, this same guy who had complete control over the breakup, has since texted me 3 days and called once all over a period of the first 6 days of… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Kay,

Im happy for you! Thanks for sharing!

Lyd
Guest
We went on a break on February 8, and eventually broke up on February 15. He was “unsure” about the future, which is why we originally went on a break, which was to end on March 4. When we spoke during the break up he was still unsure, And I asked him if he wanted the rest of the break to think about things. He told me over text “I don’t want to wait two weeks to talk to you!!!!!! I never wanted to wait three and a half weeks to talk to you!” After that, we spoke a few… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Lyd,

yes that’s a good sign but did you improve yourself and were you active in posting in social media? if not, do that now and extend at least a week of nc..

Lyd
Guest
We went on a break on February 8, and eventually broke up on February 15. He was “unsure” about the future, which is why we originally went on a break, which was to end on March 4. When we spoke during the break up he was still unsure, And I asked him if he wanted the rest of the break to think about things. He told me over text “I don’t want to wait two weeks to talk to you!!!!!! I never wanted to wait three and a half weeks to talk to you!” After that, we spoke a few… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Lyd,

yes that’s a good sign but did you improve yourself and were you active in posting in social media? if not, do that now and extend at least a week of nc..

Jasmine
Guest
Hello Chris, I need some advice. My fiancé and I just broke up about 2.5 weeks ago and I moved out. On New Years we had a huge fight and he started distancing himself saying some really hurtful things like he didn’t know if he saw a future with me, that he was torn if he wanted to be together or not, that he may still have feelings for his ex wife. He said that he may need space to figure things out etc. Because I couldn’t take the back and forth and the mental roller coaster (almost 1.5) months… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jasmine,

do at least 30 days.. Yes, that looks like he’s missing you and that’s his way of trying to reconnect.

Jasmine
Guest
Hello Chris, I need some advice. My fiancé and I just broke up about 2.5 weeks ago and I moved out. On New Years we had a huge fight and he started distancing himself saying some really hurtful things like he didn’t know if he saw a future with me, that he was torn if he wanted to be together or not, that he may still have feelings for his ex wife. He said that he may need space to figure things out etc. Because I couldn’t take the back and forth and the mental roller coaster (almost 1.5) months… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jasmine,

do at least 30 days.. Yes, that looks like he’s missing you and that’s his way of trying to reconnect.

JL
Guest

my ex asked a favour a couple of weeks ago, after i helped him, he offered me a help which i can do it myself or we can do it together. but i refused as he has a new girl friend, i am a bit confused, should i take his offer?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jl,

it’s too vague.. is it something that only you can do?

JL
Guest

my ex asked a favour a couple of weeks ago, after i helped him, he offered me a help which i can do it myself or we can do it together. but i refused as he has a new girl friend, i am a bit confused, should i take his offer?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jl,

it’s too vague.. is it something that only you can do?

Suzanne
Guest

I’m on day 22 of the 30-day NC and having a really hard time heading into this last week. My ex has texted me four times during NC– a text about a sports team we like, a “hey,” a “miss you,” and “i’m sorry. goodbye.” The last one came a week ago, and I haven’t heard from him since. What are my chances of getting a response when NC ends if he said “goodbye” because I wasn’t responding?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Suzanne,

he’s just respecting your space.. But the fact that he is curious about you during nc, gives a good chance that he will respond.

Suzanne
Guest

I’m on day 22 of the 30-day NC and having a really hard time heading into this last week. My ex has texted me four times during NC– a text about a sports team we like, a “hey,” a “miss you,” and “i’m sorry. goodbye.” The last one came a week ago, and I haven’t heard from him since. What are my chances of getting a response when NC ends if he said “goodbye” because I wasn’t responding?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Suzanne,

he’s just respecting your space.. But the fact that he is curious about you during nc, gives a good chance that he will respond.

Martyna
Guest
HI. My name is Martina and I really need some relationship advice. I’m a total mess since the break up and I don’t know what to do. I have been in a long distance relationship for almost 2 years and everything was great. We fell in love from the first sight and every month we visited each other. We talked and wrote to each other every day. It was hard but he was always the one to comfort me when I was sad about it. Suddenly one day he found out that he might be genetically ill( he has 50%).… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Martyna,

There’s no guarantee that it will.. You need to check this:
The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship

Martyna
Guest
HI. My name is Martina and I really need some relationship advice. I’m a total mess since the break up and I don’t know what to do. I have been in a long distance relationship for almost 2 years and everything was great. We fell in love from the first sight and every month we visited each other. We talked and wrote to each other every day. It was hard but he was always the one to comfort me when I was sad about it. Suddenly one day he found out that he might be genetically ill( he has 50%).… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Martyna,

There’s no guarantee that it will.. You need to check this:
The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship